#ALSO ALSO MY PARENTS WEDDING I WANT THAT

[emeraldbabygirl]

I blame Na Dokhyun the former member of History for these very sappy romantical marriage thoughts. Cause I’m constantly judging male idols for getting their girlfriend pregnant and then deciding to get married yet that’s what I write about. It’s either stated or implied that all my smut are with a boyfriend, I’ve never written any smut where the idol is your husband.

Like for me personally, maybe I’m just too old school and think this is the way it should be, instead of jumping right into the marriage after the baby after only like 3 years of a relationship (as an example) I would want to date that person for way longer than a few years because if I’m wanting to get married I want to be absolutely positive that the person I’m dating is the one I want to marry. I don’t want to marry and then 3 months down the road decide it’s not working. Plus if I’m planning on having children I need to get used to marriage life first and want to settle down with that person before I start thinking by about getting invested in a kid. I do not want to just have a kid and then like some people break off the relationship of divorce and then I’m tied to that kid and the man can just go off and do whatever without paying child support.

Maybe I’ve just been around bad relationships and assume the guy with always leave or the relationship won’t work out, like, a prime example being my parents relationship which is the reason why I told myself I never wanted in a relationship in the first place cause I was afraid I’d get involved with someone like my father and end up the same way. Another thing I do is when idols get married and have kids and then they divorce and the wife sometimes is stuck with everything and I just assume that’s how it could be for me like, every relationship is different and as far as idols there are some good marriages and such like I think Rain and Chen are doing great (even tho I don’t agree in getting pregnant before marriage hell I wouldn’t even be comfortable having sex until after marriage but I’m just old school I guess) anyway like there have been 3 idol marriages I know of that just didn’t end up well and I don’t want that but sometimes I get that “baby fever” or the “marriage feelies” and I just want that. Like I believe I’m too young rn to get married and have kids, the whole she-bang but woman don’t have a long ass time to wait before their internal clocks stop ticking.

Like I always told my mum I’d never be in a relationship, I’ll never get married, “I’m sorry I can’t give you grandchildren.” And I think she’ll probably die knowing that. But what if I decide later on down the road I want to starting dating and that leads to eventually getting married and having a child like my mum will die thinking I never wanted that. Like, I really really try not to think about these marriage and other life thoughts cause I get pretty upset I mean I watched this episode of a show centered around a wedding and all three times I saw the episode I just cried. Like I don’t have a father to walk me down the aisle, I don’t have a father for the father daughter dance (if that’s even really a thing) and now it’s like if I don’t get into a relationship and get married and pop out children in the next couple months to a year I’m afraid my mum will never know whether I did or not. I’m afraid she’s die before I even get in a relationship, she won’t see my boyfriend or to her horror my girlfriend or whoever it may be Idk, she won’t be at my wedding she won’t see the new house I move into with my husband she won’t be there for my baby shower or anything leading up to the north of my offspring and she won’t see my child or get to hold her grandchild.

And I know it upsets her cause she hoped for grandchildren and her sister has like 4 and she’s jealous and I feel bad cause I want my mum to be happy and get to hold a child and she wants the bloodline to continue but damn to the bloodline really end with me and my siblings. I’m afraid she’s just not going to be around by the time I decide to do this stuff if I really want to. Or if she is she won’t be able to see my bf or the wedding of the grandchildren cause she’ll be completely blind. Ugh! Idk I want to cry :( sometimes I want to be in a relationship and I want to have a cute wedding and I want my mum to cry at my wedding and I want the whole “something old something blue something borrowed something new” OR WHATEVER THE HELL IT IS and I want the whole the groom can’t see the bride til the wedding and bridesmaids and all that stuff that goes into a wedding but I feel most of the time that because of everything that’s happened in my life and the way I act and talk about men irl that it’s just not for me and I should push every relationship/marriage/child bearing thought out of my head :(

Ugh I’m done rambling thanks Dokhyun for those unwanted sappy and gross thoughts

[head---ache]

Finally elaborating a bit (the tiniest bit) on their wedding:]

[ratatatastic]

do you write fic on ao3?

unfortunately for everyone involved i do!

[lovesodeepandwideandwell]

If y'all could pray for a phone call I'm having this evening

[silverhalla]

neve came back and I IMMEDIATELY started crying

[kirstielol]

this has to be the busiest month of my life 😵‍💫

[eats-the-stars]

hate my sister's shitty good for nothing boyfriend. can you imagine being a 30yo man with two kids who won't even scramble an egg. Not for his kids, not for his girlfriend, not for himself. literally if my sister doesn't leave out pre-made meals when he's watching the kids he will rip up bread or pour them dry cereal or open a granola bar and make himself microwave dinners. like, lowest effort possible. but if i mention this to my sis, she'll be like "no he's definitely cooked for the kids! he scrambled an egg for them once! i watched him do it!" but it's like...so he scrambled one egg in the last five years. just to like, prove he can? at your direct insistence? should we all clap? like seriously. hate this guy. had to really hold back recently because he had someone over and he was interacting with the kids more than usual for appearances, and he had to keep asking me and my sis what the 5yo was signing because he barely bothered to learn his own son's primary form of communication. i was so tempted to say "that one means 'go home' but you wouldn't know that because you don't take them anywhere." so hard to hold that in. If I had to describe this man in two words they would be these: Low Effort. Not quite bare minimum, but JUST enough to convince my sister that it would be too much hassle to get rid of him. he's stupid as fuck, but just smart enough to quickly stop shit like screaming obscenities at the kids for doing normal kid things. and he once stomped on my headphones and broke them in a fit of rage, but gave my sister money to replace them so it was "fine." Like, my sister thinks that he's just struggling with his anger issues, because he had a bad childhood, blah, blah, and oh he would never actually hurt her or the kids. and like, good for you, but i don't trust like that. genuinely hoping he gets struck by lightning and dies instantly.

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

ooh! at church I bought two books (a church weekend and the bookshop was out in full glory) one of which was my grandfather's diary of a preaching tour he did years and years ago, which I've read but nver had my own copy of. the other was one that's on backorder so I'll get it in a couple weeks probably. daily devotionals or things for anxiety. asked the bookstore person what she thought of it and she said it was good, so I bought it.

[jackredfieldwasmyjacob]

we just went through some family albums and. enjoy my grandma being cunty at my parents' wedding

[this-doesnt-endd]

I used to have a really giant family like tons of tias and tios and cousins and i say used to cause like it seems like after my grandparents died on both sides both families seemed to never speak again and i had no chance to even try and keep hold of those ties i was in elementary school watching my parents marriage crash and burn in real time dealing with major death in the family and then subsequent family abandoning me at the tender age of 11. Hell my brothers were older and jumped ship it was just me and the horrors

[running-in-the-dark]

I could've been insane in an interesting way at least but noo, I just think about a stupid guy so much that I lose my mind, how fucking stupid is that

[deoidesign]

.

[catastrxblues]

good morning it is now 4 am and i have just finished watching atonement good night

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[indigodawns]

.

[takhayyul]

i hate being the only cousin living in canada, its my cousins wedding in the coming weeks and they be having so much fun rn while i gotta go to my 9 to 5 tmrw