#sry for venting on main but i can do what i want i think i hope

[hazy-solaris]

i love getting obsessively angry over every little personal inconvenience wow

im hungry im hungry im hungry i wanna go home i will genuinely rip off my skin and eat it at this point man i js need to wait a bit i js need to wait

[hel7l7]

This may come across as a odd and out of nowhere question, but its something that ive been thinking about for a long time now and haven't really the chance to ask anyone of what I call on the same artistic vibe, but where did you get the courage/inspiration to post your art? Ive always wanted to post my own but ive always feared of my art getting rejected or worse stolen, its the main thing holding me back, and just wanted to know what your experience was like? Sry if this is too personal ily🥰

U can ask me anything and tbh I don’t think this is an odd question at all! So lemme type. 

Before I had this tumblr I had this vent tumblr on where I posted just random shit about everything that happened in my life. It was a very unhealthy and negative space for me. And when certain people violated my privacy I deleted the blog.  At that time, I think the blog had like 10 art pieces of mine on there. Maybe it’s still findable on tumblr - idek tbh. And those got quite a few notes already. While the blog had like... 400 followers or something.  So I think that made me gain some confidence. I liked the idea of posting my art online because.. I don’t know. It felt like some shout into the void. It wasn’t really something I decided to do. It just felt right and I did it.  Even if it was just for myself and no one would like it. With the collages I also feel less pressure compared to my “regular” art. I do this because if I don’t make collages -I feel like I go insane. I draw and paint (aka “regular art”  because I want to make something pretty. And that’s a difference. With this I care much less about what other people think about it. Because it’s what I felt and made when I needed it.  What also helped me A LOT. Is the anonymity. At this point I’ve let quite a few facts about myself slip and with that it’s less mysterious than it used to be. But when I first started I just didn’t answer any question that would be a little bit personal. I show my feelings and deep laying fears and thoughts. But everything about me as a person aside from that I try to keep from here. And that’s fine. I’m here to share my art - not my personality or my selfies.  That made it easier to do it. I did it for myself and not because what other people thought of it.  About your art being rejected. It’s going to happen. Not everyone is going to like it. People have different tastes and styles, and we can’t all love the same things.  But that’s okay. If you stand for the things you made, and you like it, then that should be the most important! (When I started this blog I never meant for it to become so big, I didn’t care what people thought, I didn’t care if people liked it.) Don’t make the audience the goal, do it for yourself! The rest will follow. You can’t chase the audience. It’s simply impossible. If the audience likes X and you want to move on to Y then you should be able to do that, because it’s what you want.  Art being stolen or used without permission. This too is going to happen. And it sucks. It sucks balls.  I wasn’t very aware of how and when this would happen. But after a while I got a few messages, people asking for prints, or commissions. I’ve made things for people without getting a payment or adres to send it to. I have my own prints on my walls because someone asked for them and then never replied. I have gotten messages from friends who saw my art on others people pages. I’ve googled my blog and found my art on places I didn’t put it. And this too happens...  Like I said.. when I started I never even thought about people liking my art. So I never thought about this either. But if you want to or can, maybe think of a watermark or anything alike. (I want to do it but I find it so much work and I honestly haven’t found the time yet. But I might make some.) Anyway, you can think about that.   The last thing I wanted to mention is that I must say that my mindset in art changed through this blog. And not always in a positive way.  With all things mentioned above, the good always outweighed the bad. I have gotten so many messages from people who I have inspired, or helped, or made feel less alone in their struggle, that I didn’t care about the negative. The stolen art, the criticism, the time it takes to keep up with this blog and the pressure I feel sometimes.  But on some days I find myself getting too obsessed with the numbers. The notes/followers. And that makes that sometimes I lose the fun in it. I notice it now though, when I lose myself in it. But I wish it didn’t matter to me like it did in the beginning. But that too is a process I will grow in. So.. I’m sure I’ll find my way in it.  okay - i s t g - this was the longest answer to an ask ever. and also the most chaotic one I think. 

I hope I answered your question - and if not message me again ;) because this was a bit of a ramble. 

Love

- B. 

p.s. Go for it, share your art with the world! 

[throwing-summers-at-the-walls]

Hello half valid anon here (i like my nickname 😂). I got through all your fics and they were all great. Right now im just reading a lot of poi fanfics and watch fanvids cause i can't accept that the series is over 😂 --- i know what you mean about fics affecting you negatively. I had this with 13rw (the Show and some fics) everything was so dark and hopeless that i had to stop watching it. I also love to seek out fics where someone is hurt so i can feel my pain through the characters (1)

But i try to read only fics with lots of comfort so it kinda feels like i get comforted as well (dont know if that makes sense). If it makes you uncomfortable or if its unhealthy for you to write about this i completely understand and i dont mean to come of as pushing you to write. I just hope whatever you do will be the right decision for you! As for you feeling suicidal im sorry to hear that. Let me know if there is ever anything i can do to help! I wish i could say sth more comforting but Im not super good with words :( i just hope you have people in your life that support you! 💛

maybe root will grow on you too? Or maybe you can skip her scenes and enjoy John, Harold and most importanly Bear! 😂 Yeah Shaw definately looks really good. She is a bit like Reese minus the caring. At first it seems she doesnt care about anything at all but thats not exactly the Case. There was an episode with Shaw and a little girl (3x5) and i really loved it (have you seen that one?).

I really think Shaw would grow on you (especially since in the beginning she does a lot with John) but then again a lot of her later scenes include Root so im not sure. Yes i love that there were never any romantic undertones with her and John!!

yeah the core four were great. I was so sad when Carter died! :(

i guess everyone sees chemistry different, i think Shoot and Rinch post have great chemistry ☺️

as for John being good with people: YES!! he is always so compassionate and such a great listener as well. I especially like him with children. John and the baby were so cute or John with the boy who offered to pay for him. John + Kids was always a great combination and i wished we would have seen it more often. Also regarding children we did we never got to see a John Taylor scene after Carters death? I needed that!

yes John the badass is also amazing! His character has so many different sides and i love him so much!!

i think Grace Harold was really cute but i dont really see a future for them, i mean he lied to her for so long! but then again they really loved each other so idk maybe they work it out. Im also not into John/Harold/Grace but like you said good for the people who like the ship :)

John and Zoe were great! i wish Zoe would have appeared more often!

I have so many things to say about John and the boring therapist but i think i better not say them :D i wish i could just erase their relationship from my mind!

of course he didnt die! i didnt see a dead body so i refuse to believe he is dead! i also just wanted them to be happy. what kind of an ending is it to let the main character die? i refuse to accept this! -- thank you for the rec i will check it out :) while i do like fluff i mostly read h/c (with the focus on the comfort) cause i just want John to get his much needed comfort :D -- i have no idea where season 1 is supposed to be boring. but idc the people can live with their wrong opinions :D

(today: tumblr user nourann3 discovers the option to indent text after almost 5 years on tumblr...)

Hiii !! It is a very valid nickname 😂 That's nice !! Hmu if you want more recs ! Lol same honestly, I can't believe it's been 4 years since the show ended ! I can give you a link to my poi/Rinch fanvids playlist if you're interested 👀

Oh boi 13rw is so cursed, can't believe I watched all of the 1st season 😬 I remember being afraid of the suicide scene making me uncomfortable but it was so cringe, unrealistic and just bad that I wasn't even that uncomfortable, I cringed when she cut her arms but that's it.

Yeah big mood I project a lot on comfort fics as well. For suicide fics, I think it also depends on how the fics adress the subject. It's something that is complicated to write. If I read a suicide fic with no recovery I'm gonna project but feel like shit. But with recovery, I can project into the recovery as well so it's better ! I read a really good ace attorney fic showing Miles recovering after a suicide attempt, it was thoughtful and didn't fall into the pitfalls of magical super fast recovery/love heals everything, and some lines stuck with me, it was really good and comforting. But yeah if it's just a suicide/suicide attempt then I don't think it's good for me (but sometimes I still read it bc I'm a Dumb Bitch).

Dw you didn't come off as pushing 💜 I'll see how I feel about continuing it or not. I have to figure out if writing about suicide is positive or negative for me 🤔 I mean I'm not portraying John's suicidal crisis as a positive thing, and he reaches out to Harold, and considers he might get better so I don't think it's bad for me ? Another problem is that I have a tendency to drop my wips to write a new shiny idea I get, and then I never finish anything gkgkffjfjf I dropped the suicide fic for the body horror fic which I dropped for the time loop fic, and there's also the hanahaki fic I started last year but I haven't touched in months, plus a bunch of random shit floating around OneDrive lmao someone stop me

What helps the most is venting, just getting that shit out is helping y'know. I appreciate your support ♥️ at least it's not as bad as it used to be

I doubt Root will grow on me, catch me watching her scenes at 1.5 speed lmao, also yes you bet I'll enjoy watching them !!

Yes I remember that ep ! Iirc the little girl tells Shaw she has feelings but the volume is lower than in other people or smth along those lines ?

I hope she'll grow on me bc she seems cool. I remember I was a bit afraid of her just becoming a sort of hollow copy of John, like "look we added another badass to the show". Seems to be more than that though ! Also I'm curious about their mayhem twins dynamic. But yeah if she has a lot of scenes with Root idk how much it'll annoy me

I feel like I wouldn't be able to get the Shoot chemistry bc I'm too biased against Root lol

Ikr the crossing hurt me so much. But thinking about it takes me back to my careese days and my first fics lol. I feel like the death of one of the core four + the abandonment of the library really alienated me from the show (did I already say that before ?). And here I'm gonna shamelessly derail from Carter to the library bc boiii do I have a lot of feelings about the library !! And you're here, talking about poi, so you're the perfect subject to throw these feelings at. This post really says what I feel about it (I'll put the link at the end as well if you wanna read it after you're done with this l o n g reply). It was in a way its own character and its forced abandonment/destruction really hit me (fucked me up when they broke that glass board). It says something that it's one of the few things I remember from S3 along with Carter's death and 4C. I loved it a lot, it was a cornerstone of the show. It was a safe place, a home for Harold and John (and Bear !). I love when they're together in there, I love this cracked glass board, this yellow stained glass in the windows !!! (at least I assume it's stained glass ?), these lights, Bear's cushion, the whole cozy/safe/isolated feelings, just absolutely everything. And yeah later they have the subway, idk when it's introduced I don't remember if it's early enough for me to have watched it. And maybe it's nice, I can't judge rn. But it's like trying to give me a new MC after a MCD, make him as nice as you want I'll be clutching the previous MC until I die. Gkfkfkff I went overboard and off topic but I just love the library ok

Ikr I love how he's badass but also gentle and understanding and nice to people ! I love him !!! Yeah wolf and cub is really good, also I love when John smiles to Darren at the end !! I use this moment as my pfp bc I love it so much. He's just so cute ! I wish he smiled more (did we ever hear him laugh in the entirety of the show ?). Baby blue is so great, Harold and him are such a married couple in this ep ! Yeah same more content with John and children would have been nice.

I never thought about how much we needed a John Taylor scene but yes !! We were robbed :((((

Speaking of John being a cool badass. Here's a badass John vid rec it's super good

Yeah they were cute in the past. I think it's good he went back to her bc it gives closure to both of them. But I don't see their relationship working again. She grieved, probably started to move on after all these years and knowing he lied all this time probably won't make her want to go back with him. I've never been in love so what do I know lol, but were I her I probably wouldn't want to go back with him and I'd just be happy knowing he's alive after all.

Same I need more Zoe (also she's hot)

Lmao let's just forget about that weird relationship shall we

Aren't we all the same, firmly believing he's alive and happy out there ! It was foreshadowed since the first ep and it made sense but do I care ? No, fuck that shit John is very much alive

You're welcome ! John needs all the comfort and the love !!! I think I have a preference for fluff bc he gets hurt enough in the show lol

Indeed they can, veryyy far away from us

Sry if this is shit I have like half a functioning braincell today

The post abt home bases I mentioned