#A lot of the mental health stuff is the same
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Every time I've tried to interpret some random stranger's confrontational discourse in the best possible light I've regretted it, so this is probably a mistake. But, trying again.
This might not be about "too sick to go outside." It might be about "too depressed to notice benefit from things that normally make people feel better" or something along those lines.
life actually gets better when you leave the house consistently btw like im serious
#Undescribed#I do have a pet peeve around general health advice framed as 'this will definitely help you'#Eg 'you should eat less salt it'll be better for your heart health' I mean that's true for most people but for some that is actively harmfu#A lot of the mental health stuff is the same#Yes that's good for a lot of people but 'you' does read as literally you personally yes you the person reading this right now'#And that's why people do it#People respond to their names and they respond to 'you'#In a way that they don't respond to information presented more neutrally#And I do get that one obvious alternative ('wow going outside more often has been so good for me')#Ventures into a level of personal vulnerability that is simply intolerable on tumblr I do understand that#(It does still drive me crazy though)#Anyways I do think there's something mildly shitty about going 'ok I said 'you' -- a word that I know people interpret personally --#But I didn't mean you-you I just meant other you's.'#Ok you said you though?
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it’s sad that in 2025, people call someone who’s honest about mental health and secure in his masculinity as mentally weak. really makes you think where did we go wrong
#this is about lando and george#the amount of comments i’ve seen about george being feminine#because of the way he dresses or wtv#like i’m sorry you’re insecure about your masculinity but don’t project it on the ones who aren’t#lando norris#ln4#george russell#gr63#but yk at the same time#lewis talks about mental health and dresses in designer stuff#and no one says a word about that#everyone’s praising him for that#and i get that there’s a lot of people who would get the skin colour argument here#as a poc i refuse to let skin colour be an arugment for anything
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why don't you like heartstopper?
hi anon my apologies u sent this a while ago but the movie announcement has me Thinking things so here we are ! (adding a read more here so heartstopper enjoyers can feel free to scroll without being bombarded by my Thoughts)
to be honest, i don’t dislike the show *that* much! i thought the first season was super cute, but around s2 i started getting bored with it. it’s nothing against the show itself or people who do like it, and i haven’t read the books so maybe there’s a facet of it that i’m missing out on because of it, but it’s very much a show that’s designed to outline as many different lgbtq and mental health topics as possible and explain why It’s All Okay 👍 😃 which is fine! i understand why for a younger queer person still figuring themself out, it might be really helpful to see those topics actually talked about on tv. however, since i’m not at that stage of life anymore, i start to get annoyed by all of the Perfectionism of it, because what i want out of media i engage in is a story that is Interesting, and heartstopper just isn’t that to me. everyone is too understanding about everything, and can express their feelings in perfect Therapy Words, and like, i don’t know. my favorite book is the goldfinch. i want stories about gay people who suck and are mean to each other and go through decades of homoerotic angst before they even begin to try to unpack it. i want the story to be about something Besides just the fact that the characters are gay and mentally ill.
“but it’s good queer representation!” yeah, it’s representation and it’s important. but i think queer people deserve to see themselves represented in stories that are complex and meaningful and actuallt feel Real, too, and i think that people who act like this show is the end all be all of gay rep need to take a second to think about how maybe it’s Not a good thing for the only media about gay people we have to be About Being Gay. i think heartstopper has a very clear message that many people need to hear, but for me personally? i don’t like when my media tries to teach me something. there’s a difference between having themes and messages that make you Think vs having a Moral Of The Story that is shoved down ur throat from day one.
also, it’s just fun to be a hater.
#i know the show also goes into a lot of stuff abt mental health but i haven’t watched s3 so i can’t really speak on that beyond saying that#from what i’ve Seen it feels like those topics are treated the same way as the lgbtq topics#in that it’s designed to be Made Palatable to an audience that isn’t educated on them#and i Am educated on them so i do not need Intro to Mental Health/Queer Identities 101 when im watching tv#it’s like the same way i feel abt love simon which for the record i loved when i was 13#it’s a Gateway media#for people who Need That. and i Don’t. and ur supposed to Keep exploring and supporting and demanding more queer media#not just stop at the first most basic introduction to it#and again i don’t have anything against ppl who like it i just . want them to consider being more well rounded lol.#parker posts#ALSO AND MOST IMPORTANTLY.#the show has introduced the world to kit connor and i will always be grateful for that.#all of the cast tbh they are sweeties and i have nothing against them
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I can't stand people who shame others for being collectors. "Man-children" my ass. These are people who have PASSION and a sense of wonder and adventure.
#collectors#txt#i saw this girl on twitter who was shaming men for liking lego and other stuff that would be considered “for boys”#and it's like bitch shut your ass up#channeling your inner child is good for your mental health actually#this is the same girl who said that men who change diapers and cry at weddings are pathetic excuses of men#and she has expressed views on both aladdin and mulan that show me how much of an idiot she is#she tends to have horrible takes when it comes to a lot of shit and a lot of women on those spaces have expressed contempt for her lmao#i can't stand these “a real man” ass hoes. they also erase female collectors in the process#fuck 'em bitter cunts man#anyways in the future i will build a whole room for nothing but my collection and will treasure it with every fiber of my very being#suck it collector haters#i have a lot of t-shirts of my fave franchises including a disney princess t-shirt and i go out with that one unashamedly#hell i've been looking for an mj t-shirt for YEARS#i need to amplify my mj collection bruh
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We’re on day six straight of “wake up in the middle of the night/morning hypervigilant and struggle to sleep again” which means we’re reaching the season of Perma Tension and Overthink.
Can’t wait to get through the next two days of work so I can start my week of suspension.
#personal skuun#there was money missing on my station is the upshot#and it’s been a really long time since I’ve made a mistake of that magnitude and yes it DOES happen#but it also looks like it might be coworker’s ADHD setting stuff aside to buy later and forgetting and then we don’t know where or what#I’m like. the third person being suspended for cash loss this month which is also unusual#COULD happen but it could be a lot of things#so I’m just like. trying to keep an eye on her and make sure it’s not a gambling thing#and keeping an eye on my boss who’s letting the chips fall on the off chance it’s him and he’s spreading it around?#I’ve seen both in my time here which makes it impossible to determine without another point on the mental graph#but it’s probably better it happens now#because this is one of two seasonal points where my sleep patterns and mental health run a little thin#and I’m most likely to make those mistakes then#my bills have reduced since the storage unit closure so I just need to kind of. tighten belt and stay home#which I’m good at anyway#although it’s funny because I know half my bosses will be at Pride on Miami Beach this weekend#it’s just two more days of paying close attention and then I can collapse#I’ve stockpiled foods in the pantry to try to make myself keep eating nice things#I have a ton of books and uh. varying. alcohols.#(sorry but sometimes I just want to be sedated and I’m med free running through these seasons.)#I have a beach cleanup event on Tuesday so I won’t be totally isolated/warped with a sense of uselessness/powerlessness#just have to hang on and see if my head clears. same as always.#got to introduce my mom to the flavor of perilla oil today though so that was kind of fun#and I can focus on moving my plants into the room…#maybe paint like I keep saying I’m gonna do and then don’t do#it just feels like my body’s made up of all these uncomfortable lumps#and then on top of it you get dreams that make you wake up crying and unable to get back to sleep for hours? fuck off with that
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Fixed the door that Johnathan had slipped through, not letting that happen again!
#dracula daily#dracula#re: dracula#may 18th#it's going to be all ooc after this tag on this post so feel free to ignore as i babble on about graduation and breathy mention mental heal#i graduated high school yesterday#which feels completely wild because their was a point in my life where i thought i wouldn't ever see it due to some mental health stuff#it just feels so serial to be here and be getting ready for college come fall#dracula daily has been with me for most of highschool#i first entered the fandom just after my sophomore year when i made my first tumblr account#i read it every day during lunch junior year when i had no friends with the same lunch hour#it's meant a lot to me and will always be connected to a certain time in my life#highschool wasn't great but i had some amazing teachers and made friends i hope to keep for the rest of my life#thank you too all of you lovely dracula people for making me smile all these years#i'm excited to keep reading and making silly jokes as i head into the world
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anyway i know it's early af and like everyone is asleep but come plot w/ me on discord so i don't go insane at work when i leave in a lil bit. i'll ACTUALLY be doing writing today ( i swear i'm not blowing air out of my ass this time i PROMISE ) i'm legitimately bullying the shit out of myself when i get home to at least get some stuff done bc i think i'm finally coming out of this funk
#✧ 、· ⋆ 。 OOC. ╏ i look stupid and do very little dps. »#my wrist improved a lot since wearing that brace#i got answers i needed from a doctor yesterday about some stuff unrelated to my mental health#my ex and i may've split but we're still staying close and we spent some time together last night#which really cheered me up#and i'm just#all around in a very good mood???#the only thing that needs fixing is my insomnia but HOPEFULLY i can get that squared away with antidepressants#bc i'm pretty sure it's just onset from lack of medication#i'm rambling sdflkghd but hey hi it's me anaxa pussy agenda come talk to me#if u see me listening to the same song on repeat no u don't#LDFKSJAGHDSKL#and if for some reason it won't let u send a rq just lemme know my permissions are. weird. and idk how to fix them#stuff i had to enable bc i'm a twitch streamer lmfao
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a psychiatrist told me i should go for one hour walks at least once a week in 2023 and then a couple of shitty things happened and i stopped leaving the house even more for the next 2 years lol i should probably try doing that again
#i went from the type of kid that was so socially anxious i wouldnt call delivery services#to a 20-smth yr old that has 24/7 fomo and always needs to know whats happening where when cant stay home for 24 hours without dYING#to late 20s-30 year old that never leaves the house for anything but responsibilities or family stuff#but but!! staying home means im more responsible with my money and my home is less messy so there's that i guess lmao#still i just want to skip to the part where my mental health is * fixed * and im normal pls#a lot of ppl have it worse than me like way worse with the same diagnosis or w/e#but my biggest issue is this avoidance/dissociating/procrastinating#like im beast level with that shit#its neverending
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the incredibly delicate tension between: we need art to feed us and connect us and make us feel like things have a purpose, and: art is slowly but surely making us more complacent and cowardly
#thoughts#don't mind me I'm just having very complicated thoughts about artists and how art is being weaponized by power#I have zero good answer about that because quite frankly I don't have the mental health to walk that line right now#but yeah I can't help but think I'm just Not being helpful in any way#like a lot of what I dedicated myself towards and sacrificed things for might actually be a trap#not only for me but for community and connexion#I don't think it's true in every context btw. but I think it's starting to be true in 2024#that we are spending a lot of time cosplaying at good praxis and Correct Emotions through art without challenging stuff#at the same time I cannot blame anyone and it would be hypocritical of me to do so#this world is being made purposefully overwhelming and lonely and art is soothing and feels warmer#I do think art is good for the soul and for our humanity. I do think that truly.#but yeah I don't know how we manage to breach past art and use it as a resource for actual meaningful actions.#again perhaps it's just The Mental Illness speaking --though I don't think it's entirely that#but yeah I just... I'm just really wondering about that balance of existing beyond art#while not rejecting art as full on bourgeois distraction which imo is also reductive and reactionnary#I don't know. I'm just kind of really sad about a lot of things honestly.
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I'm supposed to be asleep but I'm thinking thoughts and this is all it has culminated as:
POV you're me trying to logic/reason away what are probably actual symptoms of a mental health...thing BUT IT ARGUABLY IS ONLY PROVING IT MORE??
#vagueposting again about mental health stuff#idk#i just have a lot overwhelming guilt#and as far as connecting dots#i can see it#it makes sense#but i dont want it to?#its not like a ' i dont wanna have another mental health thing'#its a ' i feel weird about self diagnosing and am hesitant to do so'#SAME THING HAPPENED SITH AUTISM#TOOK ALMOST A YEAR FOR ME TO FINALLY BE LIKE#OKAY YEAH AUTISM LIVES HERE#Its different tho#its so complicated#and i#i cant get help for it rn#i hate hate hate relying on a self diagnosis without someone else to corroborate#i feel bad#i feel guilty#not like im taking resources but like a frahd#fraud#i can spell#tags are so great#no one is gonna read em ;)#if you do im so sorry lmap#im really just#idk like i can connect dots all i want but im always gonna feel guilty and like a fraud#until someone tells me that my fears were right#or worse
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Daily November crying sessions start today
#why. who. how. how tf does my professor think it's okay to assign 4 major assignments in the same amount of weeks + 4-6 readings every week#all of which are ~20 pages.#i've got all that to do and another big assignment for a different class. plus the weekly readings and reflections for that one.#and i have work.#i've stupidly decided to volunteer for a thing on saturday in the hopes of bulking up my resume + rubbing elbows with the administration.#and i have a medical thing on friday and i'll be looped out and likely will have to sleep half the day. probably won't get ANY work done.#what else..... some fairly easy stuff for my other class thank GOD. but a lot of reading and preparing for a few big essays.#november is the month i hate the fucking most. i always lose my mind in november. and no wonder!!!!!!#meanwhile people are bugging me to hang out. i will be in a student-coma until approx. the first week of december. see you then. peace.#oh and my BIL + SIL sitting me down and showing me all their europe honeymoon photos for 2 HOURS last night is also not helping my mood.#fuck you lol#like i'm happy for you and nice photos but also? Fuck You.#if i can offer some dark humour though.....#my fic axis exists because of a legitimate smidge of insanity i experienced last year. it shifted the way i looked at the world and at grie#sooooo i wonder what kind of fic my mind will crank out this time?#i don't think i'm at risk of losing it this year though. doesn't seem that way. but we'll see!#i can write/draw good things without sacrificing my mental health first i can write/draw good things without sacrificing my mental health f#rst i can write/draw good things without sacrificing my mental health first i can write/draw good things without sacrificing my mental heal
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Hiatus
I am going on hiatus for a bit more. I really really hoped the stuff that have been going on lately were already "sorted out" but, uhm... they aren't. I need to take a bit more time offline once again, and try to work things out.
Thank you for your patience ❤
Wren
#EDIT: I've deactivated my IG for a bit because it wasn't helping at all. I'll be back there but I need time#wren text tag#somehow issues from mid July/early August have managed to get worse. Like I'm not even surprised bc I'm used to it but GIRL . What the fuck#“it's finally summer”+“can't wait to draw!” * gets 3 hiatus in a row * maybe drawing or summer isn't really meant to be 🤨🤔#I hate having to log-in to post a hiatus message and then dissapear again when I'm supposed to post my doodles n have fun#Feels like one of those jesters that appears at luncheon to entertain the royal court and then they go missing for the rest of the month#bc I'm trying very hard not to hide in my shell + having a bit more presence here to post my artwork#and somehow I fail at both like fucking heck. How can you be so bad at this.#but in short I won't be here to answer stuff and being silly or whatever people expect me to do#because if you're here for the silly stuff. MAN. I'm am sorry but I don't feel silly at all.#Somebody once said “the horrors are never ending yet I remain silly” but I forgot the “remain silly” part#And if you're here for drawings. I don't even have time and I don't feel like drawing at all. Idk which one is worse#The bakery hangs up the “closed today” so people know they have to go to buy bread somewhere else. Same here. But it won't last a day#idk why the bread analogy. Guess I'm a birb after all#this is also the closest thing to a vent post I will ever write and I managed to say nothing at all. Vagueposting about vent. Good job Wren#tw: vent#tagging in case somebody like me needs to have some tags filtered#the hiatus will go on also a bit longer because the last few weeks my mental health suffered a lot and I know my limit#also this post was queued. If I see I can still be active before publishing I will delete it otherwise see for yourself#also queue doesn't work ig like I programmed this for 9 pm hopefully it will be up by then and not any other random time
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I guess I'm just confused that fans of watcher are willing to pay sometimes $100 or more in ticket prices to see the live shows with Shane and Ryan but then $6 is really offensive and a betrayal of an ask... like one mystery files hoodie costs more than a year of their (currently announced price of the) site subscription. Don't get me wrong because I do NOT think the paywall was the right decision or announced the right way, I don't think it's going to work. But. I have seen and heard several people say they buy tickets and merch, why can't that be enough? $6 is too expensive! But I'm sitting here confused because. The tickets and merch are way more than six dollars..???? I'm really really confused about that point. It's not that I don't understand that $6 can be unaffordable, it's just... so many people say they can't spend $6 while in the same breath have been boasting about how so far they've been able to spend money on concerts and patreon and buying shirts and blind boxes and the premium YouTube subscription because creators get a bigger chunk of the money that way (watcher should be GLAD they supported them btw!); but SIX DOLLARS? They can't pay that! It's odd. Is all I'm saying.
On the flip side, I saw people saying that because they live outside of the us they would get charged a double tax that they couldn't afford due to having to transfer money overseas; I feel like that's a really good point. Once this goes behind a paywall, international audiences will have a much harder time accessing content moving forward, if they can at all (not every country plays nice with PayPal). Even if they can afford the $6, there will be a heap of fees on top of it - or there won't even be a way to get the money to the service in the first place.
Absolutely the fact that Watchers' content is suddenly becoming paywalled seemingly immediately moving forward with little warning is a big shock and at first when watching the video, I didn't think they were serious. Having witnessed a successful launch of a YouTube channel into a paid subscription site with the exact price that watcher is asking for... they are not doing it right. Not for their audience. But people are so so focused on how expensive six dollars is and not on the other implications of this decision, which just... am I in the wrong here?? There's a bigger conversation i feel could be had but everyone is really really focusing on the BETRAYAL of six dollars... and I feel like I'm going crazy because that wasn't even in my first handful of thoughts about why this was a bad idea
#ghostly posts#it's one am sorry this is so long#you can write me hate mail saying I'm detatched from reality or whatever if you'd like I'm just trying to get this out of my head so I can#think about other more important stuff.#the bottom line is that shows don't last forever. they don't stay the same.#content evolves and moves and gets written by different people and handed around and it's sometimes impossible to get your hands on#I feel like a lot of people these days kind of set themselves up relying on future promises to help them go forward and if their expectation#s aren't met the way they want it suddenly feels like their mental health is going to crash and it's all the media's fault for changing#I think a better way to approach it is ti enjoy what you have. pick your favorite parts and revisit those. and don't rely on new stuff all t#the time???#fandom is so fast paced these days I do not get it. once I had every mutual in the one fandom all quit posting the same day#because the final piece of media about it released and that was it! no more point to it if there's not new stuff coming out#which is... not how I think about anything. a show doesn't get ruined because there's not more coming out?#does that make sense? probably absolutely not. good day
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@beatingheart-bride
In turn, Randall squeezed her hand back, as he drew in a deep breath. Despite his best efforts, clinging to the notion that his parents would at the very least be understanding once everything was laid out on the table for them, seeing that Emily really meant him no harm and that they truly were in love, there was no denying that growing cold pit in the bottom of his stomach, worsened only by her suggestion. A part of him sort of wanted to (however lamely) protest, instead suggest they save it for another day, and just enjoy themselves for now...
...he knew, in his heart, she was right. They would have to tell them at some point, and it was better to do it now rather than later; Randall had never been one keen to lie to his parents, and he knew the guilt of keeping such a massive secret from them would eat him up from the inside out. Thus, it was just better to get it out of the way-for both his and Emily's ease of mind.
"You're right," he sighed, as he brought her closer, wrapping his arm around her as he nodded, "They...they do deserve to know. I'll, uh...I'll give them a call in a little while, tell 'em when I'll be home, and that you'll be with me. We'll...we'll tell them together."
He punctuated this with another loving kiss, this one pressed to her cheek as he reassured her, "It'll be alright, Emily."
#((it's all the sort of thing that fueled sci-fi novels and films for decades-but now it's a reality))#((and in some cases sci-fi has a funny way of sort of predicting the future when it comes to medical science!))#((what was once the stuff of fantasy-organ transplants; artificial aids; what sounds like b-movie fluff on paper))#((has actually turned out to be pretty viable in the medical sector; which itself is pretty cool!))#((and same! as someone who has been in the same boat in terms of mental health struggles; and for a long time))#((it's a great relief that we don't live in a time where every doctor is gung-ho to perform a lobotomy))#((or some other horrible kind of treatment that does more harm than good!))#((the humanization of people with mental health struggles; better understanding of those conditions))#((changing social mores; de-stigmatization; we really have come a long way!))#((there's still room for improvement of course but still; we've made a lot of steps in the right direction!))#outofhatboxes#beatingheart-bride#V:Dark Shadows
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people?? being niceys to me???? for no reason except loves me?????????????
it's more likely than i think, apparently.
#this post brought to you by Grandparent i was forcibly estranged from most of my life suddenly being in it lots more than#the other side of dad's family AND my mom's family combined and like?? actually doing things??? to help me???? without asking for anything#except that i give him a personal update about my life so he doesn't find out on fb#which i can get behind even if my logic makes perfect sense to me as to why i don't do this#(easier to reach a wider crowd of people who can disseminate the information from there + don't have to repeat myself especially if it's#like stuff i'm still really tender or emotional about + keeps me from spilling all the beans about my private life because fuck FB + i don'#tell ANYONE specifically - everyone is getting the news the exact same way so i'm not running into any favoritism nonsense#though i'm getting the impression the fact that a large portion of my life was avoiding looking like i was picking any particular side migh#not be the way a vast majority of people go through life#much to ponder wow my family really is fucking toxic as hell#i can't even accept help offered to me without making sure they know i don't want to inconvenience them at all#which like???? idk which culture THAT'S originally from but boy did my family come from that one#i'm pretty sure i'm supposed to completely reject any assistance completely but like#a bitch got no money i'm not saying no if my granddaddy wants to send me some because of reasons#hilariously learning that this side of the family also has all of the same symptoms and issues i have#and that i had noticed that my mom's side of the family has rampantly which just like#of fucking course my genetic makeup was a perfect storm of Fuckery#i got loose joints and heart problems on BOTH sides on top of pain issues and audhd and mental health issues just smothering the damn tree#i have so many complex emotions regarding my biofamily i s2g lol
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i am at this point very certain that i am legitimately, actually cursed. the only degree to which this is metaphorical is that there's not a word for it that doesn't imply supernatural means, instead of ones that can be explained by science but haven't been yet.
#moogletalks#venting#negative#like. i have much; much; much evidence by now that this isn't a mental illness thing#it doesn't do my related mental illness/trauma stuff any favors!#and it's actually something that over the last few years has *motivated* me to put a lot of good work into addressing that#but this particular pattern has been escalating over the last few years in particular#and by now is a hundred percent reliable#it happens like clockwork in very specific ways that i have observed over and over and over#to the point where i will calmly and in full practicality mode say 'i am going to pay for this before long' and every time i do i am right#when that doesn't occur to me; it happens and i get blindsided by it#and then after a few minutes tops of thinking about it i can go 'god damn it i know exactly what caused this one'#this is happening. it is a fact. and i'm so fucking exhausted of not having words for it or knowing what the mechanism is#fucking i hate this. anyway my health condition from a few months ago has flared up again even worse than before#in retaliation for exactly the same *things* as before#and this time i'm at significantly higher risk for becoming quadruplegic!#and last night in retaliation for a particular thing that had happened less than 24 hours beforehand i've stopped sweating!#and i don't know if it will be permanent!#and as proof that it's in direct proportion to what it's retaliating against#a smaller; less life-changing hope spot than the things that've been retaliated against w/ Extreme Shit; which happened within the last week#led to me finding one of my fish dead the next afternoon#i am not kidding or exaggerating about this. It's Happening#medical stuff cw#health issues cw#pet death cw
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