#A bard and his mountain family goat

[thelostgirl21]

AND NOW HE'S THE FAMILY GOAT!!!

The capricorns

I found this interviews [x] and I couldn't help but make a stupid parallel 😅

[jonathan-samuel-smith]

In one of your posts you ask for a prompt then I hope you don't mind mine: knight and magic where there are rumours about a feral and bloodthirsty dragon into the mountains and his bard who keeps him sleep

Meanwhile Jon is the dragon who likes to play and Damian just wants peace and knows art and music very well

YOU ARE A FUCKING GENIUS!!!!!! I am always taking requests :)

fic under the cut.

Relationships: Jonathan Samuel Kent/Damian Wayne

Characters: Maya Ducard, Kathy Branden, Damian Wayne, Jonathan Samuel Kent

Tags: Fantasy, Dragons, Fluff, Dialogue-Heavy

Being a mage wasn’t strictly illegal, but it was highly regulated, and if you had the power your freedom would be curtailed and people would fear you. So Maya and Kathy told not a soul once they discovered what she could do. 

Kathy Branden and Maya Ducard are some of the best knights of the realm. Kathy is known as a shining beacon of chivalry and Maya is known as easily mingling with the commoners as if she were a nobody. They’ve been working together since they were squires, so they’ve had their petty squabbles and become all the more stronger for it. They’re both very smart, but Maya is the tactician, and Kathy is only a little better at de-escalation. Kathy’s noble parents were killed when she was young so her grandfather gave her over to become a squire so he could bring all his remaining focus on their estate in his child’s absence. Maya’s family had a proud tradition of being knights but Maya had to prove herself before she was allowed to become a squire; she caught a thief stealing from her family’s serfs and returned all the stolen goods he had stashed away.

One day, the king of the land sent the two to investigate the rumors of a bloodthirsty dragon in the mountains and the bard who keeps him asleep, to learn how to use his skills for other dragons or to kill the dragon once and for all. They wore thick fur armor to combat the cold of the mountains, Kathy’s golden hair braided and bundled near her cheeks like earmuffs, Maya’s short haircut hidden behind a fur hood. Their cheeks and noses were red from the cold but they took breaks to make fire. Kathy was secretly a mage, and could create magical flame when the firewood was unsuitable. The only souls who knew about her powers were Maya and the dead who tell no tales.

They were getting closer to the rumored spot, when they heard a mild voice singing out dulcet tones.

“La la la la, hmm-hmm~ Da da dee dum…”

“You know Damian, you could write actual lyrics?”

“That would be a feat for me~” Damian sung as he played his pipa. 

Kathy and Maya slowed and tried to quiet themselves to listen.

Jon laughed, mirthful. “Maybe I can help! What would you want to sing about? A wish? A fish? A delicious vegetarian dish? A star, a marr, a land way afar? A boat, a goat, a gloating goat’s boat?”

“Hmm. Would you like to swing on a star, or carry moonbeams home in a jar? If you could do whatever you wish? Or would you rather be a fish?” Damian sung, adjusting his chords to match the whimsical tone.

“These two are weird.” Kathy whispered to Maya. Maya nodded, and they moved in closer to view them. The bard was a small arab-chinese man with cropped black hair, brown skin, a handsome face, and green eyes. The Dragon looked around as young as the bard, with blue slit-pupil eyes and red scales, pink on his underside, with stripes of yellow on his cheeks and around his wrists and ankles. Right now he was in his more human form, with horns and wings, clawed tip fingers and a big tail and hair on his head. But really, He couldn’t look more harmless if he tried. He was wearing just some scuffed linen pants and a cloak, green, presumably borrowed from the bard as he was dressed in a white flannel shirt with a green vest which had brown leather fastenings, and thick soft leather pants and fur boots. 

Jon laughed again. “I love this game! Would I wish to be a fish or a caster? Who moves oceans with a pace much faster? Than the beat of my dragon wings? … Say, what rhymes with Wings?”

“Oh, I’m sure there’s many things. As many as the echoes when a bell rings.”

Jon clapped. “Do you know any new stories?”

“So many of the stories i’ve learned to tell are about bad dragons, Jon.” Damian looked sullen.

Jon pouted. “I don’t like you hiding things from me, Damian.”

“Oh. Well that’s okay! Tell them to me anyway. I want to know what the humans think of us.”

Damian took Jon’s hand. “I don’t think you want to know. It’s best you forgive their ignorance for the sake of peace and move on.”

“I will tell you if you really wish. However, I could tell you a new story?”

“That sounds really cool!”

“A new story?”

“One nobody has ever heard before.”

Maya stepped into their clearing. “I’d like to hear it.”

Jon let out a surprised cry, and Damian jumped on top of the log he’d been sitting on, holding his flute like he was ready to bash the poor thing onto her head. “Who are you? What do you want? Can’t you see we’re just trying to have our peace?” Damian demanded. Kathy stepped out too. “There’s two of you?!”

“We can see you two just want to have fun. How old are you?”

“I’m 17, he’s 20.” Jon answered. Damian glanced at Jon disapprovingly. 

“Hey, that’s the same age as us!” Kathy said cheerfully.

Maya put her hand on her hip. “Do you see us drawing our swords?”

“...No.”

“Then put the lute down.”

“It’s a pipa. But fine.” Damian said, hopping off the log and securing the lute to his back. “What do you want?”

“We heard that you have ways to put dragons to sleep, but it looks like you’ve learned how to tame them!”

Jon puffed out his cheeks, offended. “I’m not a wild beast to be tamed! I’m his best friend!”

Damian nodded. “Dragons are really just misunderstood. We’re lucky they haven’t actually started a war against us for always hunting them and attacking them.”

“We just want to be left to our hoardes in peace! Except me, I guess.”

Maya eyed him suspiciously. “You’re the bloodthirsty dragon?”

“Bloodthirsty? No! I’m just curious and love to play! Humans have such fun games. And this one is really cute.” He says, jostling Damian’s shoulder. Damian rolls his eyes. “I think we can all get along! Right Damian?”

“That would be ideal.” Damian sighed. “But people don’t see it that way.”

Jon pouted. “It’s not fair! I’m nice, i’m not scary at all! I hate when the humans run away from me.” Jon was almost crying. Damian sighed.

“Come here, I’ll give you a hug.”

Jon’s tail wagged and his wings flapped. “Really? Yay!” He pulled Damian into a hug, who returned it. 

“You’re such a crybaby.”

“Wow, you two are really good friends!” Kathy observed.

“My mom says that all dragons have a human they’re supposed to protect. This one’s mine. Say, do you think that’s why humans hate dragons? Cause we add them to our hordes?”

Damian nodded. “That is probably where tensions first began. Humans miss their family members and friends.”

Jon nods. “That’s why I don’t make you live with me in my cave!”

“Is it a nice cave?” Kathy asked.

“Yes! It’s very spacious and there’s no bats or rats or bugs, there’s soft moss everywhere and a nice cool pool with a small waterfall to relax in or help shed my scales. I’ve got lots of stuff I like there like star charts and spyglasses and shiny rocks and gems, some stuff Dami has given me, some art i made that i’m proud of. I’m still young so my horde isn’t that big yet but it’s gonna be huge when i’m older! Dami will help me.”

“Will I?”

“Won’t you?” Jon gave him puppy dog eyes. “Even if you don’t live with me it’s still your horde too. What’s mine is yours. If we don’t have a big horde then it’s like we don’t care about eachother or something!”

“Tt. Don’t be an idiot. Of course I will help, I already do.”

Jon smiled and hugged Damian again, nuzzling the top of his hair. “I love you, I love you, I love you.” Damian blushed, embarrassed. 

“Jon, there’s people around.” 

“Hmm?” He said, wrapping his tail around Damian. “Why are you pointing that out?”

“Tt. You’re warm.”

“And you’re cool like a nice rock. But so squishy. Humans are so squishy, like babies. It’s very cute.”

“Why don’t you live with your dragon, if you’re so close?” Maya asked Damian.

“My family doesn’t know about him. They’d want to know where I'd gone, and ask to visit my new home. It’s easier just to pretend I don’t notice them trying to set me up with village women and return every day with a jewel from Jon’s horde. I tell them It’s my payment for my performance but I replace it the next day and take a new one.”

“How does your family afford meals?” Kathy asked.

Damian scoffed. “My father is one of the wealthiest nobles in the kingdom. All my other brothers became knights in his service, but I’m sick of fighting. I just want peace.”

Kathy and Maya shared a look. “Sometimes that’s all I want, too.” Kathy confesses. “But I have a job, and I need to report back to my king. What should I say?” 

“Say the dragon was fearsome and made you leave him and the bard alone. I don’t want people bothering me.” Damian groused.

“No, don’t do that! Then people will still think dragons are bad, and I won’t have any human friends.”

“Jon, I keep telling you, people don’t understand that dragons are good.”

“Then let’s change that!” Maya spoke up. “You talk like people can never change their minds! But I did! Kathy did! Make them see you for who you are, both of you. You should bring your family to meet Jon.”

“Out of the question! They would slay him on sight!” 

Jon puffed up his chest. “As if they would have any chance, my fire breath can melt their weapons!”

“And burn them to a crisp!”

“Ah, right. That would be rude.”

“Ya think?!”

“But there must be something we can do!” Kathy proclaimed. “Maybe…. You’re a bard. You could write a song! Spread it around! Or a book, all about your life with Jon. Change people’s minds, then have him meet them.”

Jon’s tail swished. “I like collecting books. They’re so pretty.”

Damian sighed. “Things are fine as they are. Jon and I are happy. If we get caught up in this crusade to end human-on-dragon violence, we would become a target. I just want to be left alone.”

Jon sighed. “I really wish I could add you to my horde. I’d give you the nicest things, whatever you asked for.”

Damian shot him a glare. “And what would I tell my family?”

“You’ve got a secret boyfriend in the woods and you’re running away to escape homophobia, but you’ll be back to visit.”

“A secret boyfriend, who flies and finds me collectables.”

Jon nodded. “And who loves you very much.”

Damian pinched the bridge of his nose. “They’ll still want to meet you.”

“I appreciate that you want to be left alone, but I can’t just let an injustice like this stand by. Dragons deserve to be respected! I am going to have to tell the King about this.” Kathy spoke decisively. 

“I think it would help if a bard could eloquently communicate the situation.” Maya tried to convince Damian.

“Me, Eloquent? Please. I just like music. I hate talking to people.”

Maya frowned. “Alright, what if we take in Jon as a prisoner with you nearby to show that he’s harmless?”

“No. You can’t put him at risk like that. He’s the only thing that matters to me in this godforsaken world, I will not let you harm a scale on his hide.”

“Jesus Christ, who hurt you?”

“Damian just has these black moods a lot. Don’t you know anyone like that, who gets sullen for no good reason? The best thing is to just give him whatever he wants and stay by his side.”

“We’ll go alone. But we’ll tell him what we’ve learned.”

Damian sighed. “If you must, I cannot stop you.”

And so the two brave knights returned to their king, who went down in history as the ruler who united the humans and the dragons in harmony. Kept out of history were the two boys who started it all, as they just wanted to be left alone, and sing songs in the mountains.

[theenpcbracket]

The TTRPG NPC Tournament Round 2: Mary Byram vs. Duurhnaviig

Images are in the order of the poll! Image ID included, click to see the full image please!

More about each NPC below the cut!

Character 1

Name: Mary Byram Party: Ambiscade Gang Relationship to party: Coworker, divorcee

What makes them the best NPC: Mary Byram is living proof that the song “No Children” by The Mountain Goats doesn’t just have to be about romantic relationships gone wrong. She’s a bright red tiefling rogue with a storied past, currently working for a guild called the Thinfingers alongside one of the party members. Previously, she worked with a tiefling rights movement called Hellflame, but something happened there that she doesn’t really talk about. She’s still passionate about both the movement and the group, though.

Our bard lovingly calls her “Mare-Bear.” She hates this. She’s a day drinker. She’s exhausted always. She cares so much but will never admit it unless under duress. I think she genuinely thinks that god cursed her by metaphorically putting her in a get-along shirt with our rogue PC. Their dynamic allowed our party to coin the term “Coworker Divorce” except they’re literally not allowed to actually get rid of each other. She is also constantly saddled with the skater-pilled rogue who was also submitted to the bracket, so she’s usually outnumbered when it comes to harebrained schemes. She’s largely anti-antics, but is down for some antics if she's in control of them. She’s a mastermind and usually gives the help bonus action either by telling people what they fucked up or by telling them NOT to fuck something up. She deserves a break she’ll simply never get.

Quote: "Thoughts?" -the warlock, asking Mary about a proposed plan. "...More than you. Apparently." -Mary

To learn more about Mary, check out the extra propaganda in her tag here!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Character 2

Name: Duurhnaviig Party: Face Smasherz Relationship to party: Party member's family member/king of realm that party member works in (Homebrew)

What makes them the best NPC: Duurhnaviig is a loud, raucous, strong, passionate character, who takes his job as a king very seriously. He honors his people and makes sure that the needs of his kingdom are met before anything else. Though Duurhnaviig is not opposed to war, coming from lands torn by war, he moved to peaceful lands to get his people out of war, so he tries and avoids it as much as possible.

Though he is not always the most intelligent character, often times mistaking social cues, he's got a heart of gold and wants the best for his people and anyone in his lands. At least those that don't intend to cause harm to the former. Duurhnaviig is happy to assist where he can, so long as it doesn't take away from his kingdom and rewards help generously.

Duurhnaviig can be known to be overzealous sometimes, and will make decisions that could be disagreeable to others if he believes it to benefit his people.

Quote: "Should the path to my people's salvation make me hell bound, then I will gladly descend."

"I am the Red Tide, Tagavor of these realms, and dealer of your judgement. You may pray to your god, but in these lands, only I will hear you."

To learn more about Duurhnaviig, check out the extra propaganda in his tag here!

[mod note: Duurhnaviig's submitter would like to credit the artist they commissioned for the image used in this poll. His instagram can be found here!]

[threshasketch]

I'm curious to know about Tito! What's he all about?

Hey, thanks for the ask! Tito is my longest-running player character in Dungeons & Dragons. ♥ He's a red Tiefling cleric of the nature domain, worships Pan (god of wine, mountains, goats and hedonistic parties), is the tallest member of the party (6'5"), started out as an orphaned street urchin with only a white mouse for a friend (Egg the mouse, who has bizarrely long life, still accompanies him...), and gloms onto the party members as a found family fast. Oh, and he's got 3 levels in the bard class, too.

This guy has such high charisma that he can talk his way through some ridiculous scenarios. One of his favorite ongoing jokes is to convince people they can't see straight, asking "How drunk are you? Next thing you'll be telling me I'm a Tiefling!"

Tito loves nature and wine and dancing. He's worn flower crowns during the campaign multiple times. He almost always has wine on him, and considers wine, dancing, and sex as forms of worship to Pan. He's the party member who talks a lot, and tends to want to know the names of all of the NPCs (and remembers 'em later!)

Tito is also pansexual (see what I did there?), and on his adventures he's met and fallen heads over heels in love with a gothic Drow bard named Som. You'd think it was an opposites attract situation based on appearances, but Som is actually very cheerful, just about subjects like death and murder-laced poetry. Also actual lace.

I've been playing Tito for over three years, and he's been so much fun. I aim to have him propose to Som before they go off to their final battle of the campaign against an invading army of demons from another plane. "I want to be with you for the rest of our lives, even if that's just 'til tomorrow when we go to our deaths side by side" sounds like the kind of sentiment Som might appreciate. ♥

Here's some art of Tito (and Som.)

(From that time he was changed into a human briefly. He takes after his mother then, instead of his Tiefling father.)

(Visit the Gnome party member, only have Gnome-sized chairs to sit on...)

(That time Tito got flung off the airship into the swamp where everything is giant, befriended a giant bee using Speak With Animals, and made all the giant flowers glow at night so the party could find him.)

[pillage-and-lute]

The Courting Ways of Wolves

This is Geralt struggling heavily with emotions. He’s a little dumb but he’s got the spirit. Fluff. Geraskier, platonic Yennalt and Yennskier with a healthy side order of Geralt’s brothers and Good Mom! Yennefer, who deserves all the nice things.

Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Epilogue

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After the mountain, and finding Ciri, and tracking down Jaskier and Yennefer both, and dragging them up to Kaer Morhen, Geralt had looked forward to a nice, relaxing winter. His brothers and Vesemir would train Ciri, Yennefer, with whom he had come to an entirely platonic understanding, would recover from Sodden, and he had Jaskier back.

His apology had been poor, and he knew it, but Geralt had rescued him from the clutches of Nilfgaard and had bought him new lute strings and a notebook to boot. 

The strains of Her Sweet Kiss drifted through Kaer Morhen regularly, because his whole family, and yes, Ciri and Yennefer included, kept requesting that damn song. He hated it, Jaskier’s voice broke singing it and his scent was still sad, although less so than it had been the first few times Geralt had heard it.

Amazingly, the sadness had disappeared for the most part after one time, when Jaskier played the song after dinner, Yennefer had looked up from her book and said, cool as an icicle,

“For Melitele’s sake you melodramatic bastard, I’m not dating Geralt and I never want to again.” 

And now everyone seemed to want to hear it. Kaer Morhen’s training had not included music or poetry comprehension, so he was unsure why everyone kept looking at him oddly whenever the song was played. As far as he could tell, it was just another tragic love song. When Ciri started requesting Her Sweet Kiss after supper, and eyeing him while it played, he gave in. He cornered Eskel, the most book smart of the wolves beside Vesemir, who he suspected would be just a bit too acerbic, and asked him what was up. 

“He’s in love with you.”

“He’s not.”

“You’re an idiot,” Eskel said. “And a stubborn one to boot. He didn’t like Yennefer when you two were sleeping together, but they’re the friends now, right?”

“They’re not,” Geralt said, brow wrinkling. This was treading much too far into the realm of human emotions, which Geralt had never been good at, but they snarked at each other all the time still and bickered like children. Eskel rolled his eyes. 

“They are, its just sparring, but with words not swords. You see?” 

That made sense, words were Jaskier’s weapon, and Yennefer’s too, to some extent, and they did both seem to revel in creative insults.

“They’re friends,” Eskel said. “Now that Jaskier isn’t jealous anymore. Do you see where I’m going with this?” He could apparently tell from Geralt’s expression that, no, he did not know where Eskel was going with this. 

“Her Sweet Kiss is about Yennefer, who Jaskier thinks you love, and it’s about you, who Jaskier loves, and it’s about him, when he says ‘I’ as in “I am weak, my love’. My love is you, do you understand?”

It was dawning slowly in Geralt’s mind that he had definitely missed this, rather spectacularly, because now it was very, very obvious. He was glad he hadn’t gone to Vesemir, who would probably have given him a cuff ‘round the ear for being stupid, and it would have been deserved. 

Eskel, always so much better at reading emotions said, “Ah, you’ve got it, good. Now, what are you going to do about it.”

“I don’t know.” 

Eskel rolled his eyes so hard that Geralt hoped he detached a retina. “Of course you don’t.” His voice softened. Eskel had always been the one Geralt turned to for emotions. He knew Geralt didn’t get them, but wanted to understand and tried so hard that it hurt. Apart from a fair amount of good-natured ribbing, he always helped Geralt with the trickier bits of the human (or mutant) heart.

“Let’s start small, do you love the bard?”

That wasn’t small. That was a very, very big question, but Eskel had settled back in his chair and looked prepared to wait for Geralt to figure out the answer.

Did he love the bard? Geralt didn’t have anything to compare it to except Eskel and Lambert, and it certainly wasn’t like that. Except sometimes it was, like Eskel, Jaskier helped Geralt with reading when his head flipped the letters all around. Like Lambert, Jaskier fought anyone who insulted Geralt. But those were the actions of someone who loved Geralt, that was how Geralt could know (or could have known, if he’d been paying better attention) that Jaskier loved him. But how to know if Geralt loved Jaskier, not as a friend, but like a ballad, like the ‘my love’ in the song. But Geralt did love Jaskier like a ballad, because the songs always compared some lady to a bunch of other things. Geralt did that. He saw bright silks in a market and thought of Jaskier, if there were buttercups on the side of the road he thought of Jaskier, he heard a lute and thought of Jaskier, washed his hair and thought of Jaskier. Everything in his life made him think of Jaskier. 

And it wasn’t like seeing a goat headbut a farmer and thinking of Eskel and his goat from hell. It was also not the same as using a bomb and thinking of Lambert. Those were everyday things, as commonplace as thinking of Vesemir’s training. 

“I love him.”

“Yes,” Eskel said, “You really, really do. Now you just have to court him.” He sat back as if satisfied with a job well done. 

“Right, and how do I do that?” 

Eskel looked stumped. “I don’t know,” he said. Courting wasn’t part of the Kaer Morhen curriculum. 

“Do we ask Lambert?” Geralt asked, feeling a little panicky because now that he realized he loved the bard he wasn’t about to not court him.

“Of course not, he’s the least romantic bastard in existence,” Eskel said, rubbing a thumb over the scarred part of his lip.

“Not true, he reads romance novels,” Geralt said, proud to introduce this new and frankly hilarious bit of information.

“No.” Eskel’s eyes were wide.

“I found it in his pack last week, when I was looking for a sharpening stone, it had a picture of a lady in a torn dress and a shirtless man almost kissing, and the title said Tortured Hearts.”

“You’re pulling my leg.”

“I’m not,” Geralt said huffily, “I read a bit of a page too and it mentioned a lot of throbbing.”

Eskel cackled and, over come with mirth, fell from his chair. That set off Geralt and they both howled with laughter, wiping a few stray tears from their eyes when they heard the door creak open. 

It was Lambert.

That set Eskel off again, which made Geralt laugh too, and Lambert just stared at them. 

“Did you two get into the vodka again?”

“No,” Eskel said, righting himself in his chair, “We were just discussing your reading habits.”

Lambert turned pale, then pink, then pursed his lips and turned up his nose haughtily. “Shows what you two know about literature. It’s a fine way to pass the time.” His cheeks were still a bit pink.

“All jokes aside,” Geralt said, when he’d stopped snorting, “I need to know how to court the bard.”

“Ah, finally pulled your head from your arse then?”

“It was me that did the pulling,” Eskel said. Lambert sprawled onto the couch next to Geralt. 

“Of course you did,” he said. “What you gotta do,” he paused. “No that’ll never work.” Geralt scowled at him.

“No really,” Lambert said, “It’d never work.”

“Try me.”

“Lambert, c’mon, we’re really stumped,” said Eskel.

“Well...”

“Yes?” said Geralt, leaning towards him a little. 

“In the books the man always writes her a poem, to proclaim his love, you know? Or failing that he writes her a letter, all curly writing, maybe some pressed flowers.”

“Oh,” said Geralt.

“Oh,” said Eskel. “Yeah you’re right that’s really not gonna work.”

“Jaskier’s all courtly,” Geralt said. “So I should do it, you know, courtly.”

“Ciri’s royalty,” Lambert said. “She might know, and Yennefer spends a bunch of time with nobles. They could help.”

“You said his family’s kind of old fashioned,” said Eskel. “Vesemir’s really old too, so he can help.

And that was how everyone in Kaer Morhen, except Jaskier, who had been distracted by Vesemir showing him a room with a nice echo, met in the library to begin plan Court the Bard. Eskel was scribbling ideas onto a sheet of parchment. 

“You should kiss his hand,” Ciri said. “And say please and thank you.” She thought of her grandparents. “And tell him how beautiful he looks when he’s covered in blood.”

“Kill things for him,” Lambert chipped in. “Show’s him how big and strong you are, makes him feel safe.” A few curious eyes turned to him. He shifted uncomfortably. “One of the books was about a hunter and and a dairy maid. He killed a bear for her.”

“Always ask before you hold his hand or kiss him,” Vesemir said, seemingly unfazed by Lamberts reading habits. No reason he should be, Geralt thought, we all know he has a stack of romance novels by his bed. “Take it slow, Geralt, be patient, and put in the work, he was patient for twenty years, repay it now.”

Yennefer spoke up. “You don’t have to stop being sarcastic with him, he likes it, but compliment him too. Tell him how much you like his music. He likes music, so you like music because it makes him happy, understood?”

Geralt nodded.

“Good,” she said. “And dance with him. He’d like that. Also get him flowers.”

“Not just flowers, get him stuff,” Eskel said.

“I bought him lute strings and a notebook,” Geralt said.

Ciri wrinkled her nose. “Yeah but those were apology gifts, these are courting gifts.”

“What’s the difference?”

“Not much,” Yennefer said, “Lute strings and notebooks are good because they’re useful and they show that you know what he needs, but courting gifts should also be more...” she waved a hand vaguely, purple sparks twirling about her fingers.

“Romantic,” Eskel said.

“Pretty,” Ciri said firmly.

“They should be able to show you can provide for him,” Vesemir cut in.

At the end the list was short and confusing, but at least they had a plan. In the spring Ciri would go learn about magic with Yennefer, and Geralt’s heart swelled at the way they both glowed with excitement at the prospect. Geralt would then be back on the path alone with Jaskier and he could court him. 

The list said, in Eskel’s simple, neat hand, Number One, kiss his hand. Number Two, use manners. Number Three, compliment him (his music, his features, how he looks after a battle?) Number Four, kill things and bring them to him. Number Five, bring him gifts that aren’t dead things. There was an asterisk by number five and it said, gifts should be useful, romantic, pretty, and provide for him.

It wasn’t much, but it was a plan. 

That night at dinner Jaskier wondered why everyone kept looking at him and Geralt. He figured he had stew on his face, there was some in Geralt’s hair. Geralt wondered why Jaskier kept swiping his face with a napkin and why Ciri kept pointedly running fingers through her hair. 

He couldn’t figure out all of human emotions, but he was going to defeat courting, once and for all.

[wordsablaze]

13/13 - goat string of fate

A Dozen Denials Soulmate-identifiers exist to make things easier unless you’re Jaskier, who’s equally as deep in love as he is in denial. But there’s only so many excuses you can make to avoid the truth… (aka jaskier’s soulmate is definitely a witcher, just not the one he first assumes)

A/N: what we've all been waiting for... undeniable red string of fate, but with goats for eskel's sake ;) @alllthequeenshorses @eskel-loves-lilbleater

previous chapter

-

“If life could give me one blessing, it would be to take you off my hands!”

Jaskier’s heart breaks.

He knows that Geralt isn’t lying because the words don’t show up on his skin and he knows that Geralt isn’t just saying that for the sake of it because his pulse is as steady as ever under his wrist and he knows that Geralt isn’t thinking with a clouded mind because he can’t feel any intense emotions at the back of his mind.

The only logical conclusion to make is that Geralt really means it.

“See you round,” he says, even though he’s not sure he will.

It’s nowhere near the first time he’s had his heart broken but somehow this time hurts so much more than every other time, probably something to do with the fact that he’s leaving his very soulmate behind as he walks away with blurred vision and wobbly steps.

He doesn’t walk very far, though; he just can’t bring himself to.

-

There is a building on fire.

And there is a witcher trying to help.

Nobody asked him to help and yet he runs into the building because he can hear the panicked heartbeats of four humans inside.

He hands over a frightened child to their mother and runs back in.

He hands over a man to his grateful sister and runs back in.

He hands over a crying girl to her father and runs back in.

There’s one more racing heartbeat inside the building but he can’t find it, it doesn’t belong to anyone he can see, and even though he tries his best because he can’t let anyone die - he just can’t - he has no choice but to leave when the roof caves in and smoke fills the air.

It’s only once he can breathe again that he realises the heartbeat has followed him out.

The last person wasn’t in the fire after all; they’re under his skin.

-

Jaskier doesn’t get the rest of the story from the others in the end.

He wants to - he’s a bard so of course he wants to - but he knows that his own story having just found such a bitter end means that he won’t do the dragon hunt any justice so he leaves its tale to the dwarves.

He’s tired and he kind of wants to cry and he doesn’t know which way he’s meant to go so he doesn’t even try to subtly follow the others back down the mountain. Instead, he walks and walks and walks and hopes he doesn’t fall to his death.

And he doesn’t. But he does stumble over nothing in particular and end up rolling over himself until he hits a tree, gasping for breath and curling around his lute because he doesn’t have any other source of comfort.

The last thought he manages before he drifts off - read: passes out - is that he’s incredibly glad his lute hasn't broken the same way his heart has.

-

There is a funeral.

And there is a witcher trying to mourn.

But there is something giddy in the back of his throat and something bright behind his eyes and something exciting at his fingertips and he cannot focus his emotions.

There is a fight.

And there is a witcher trying to concentrate.

But there is a puzzle in his lungs and a question on the tip of his tongue and a mystery in his every bone and he cannot tell if he knows what move to make next.

There is a festival.

And there is a witcher watching quietly.

But there is a heavy grief in his stomach and a heavy doubt inside his mind and a heavy pain within his blood and he has no idea why his body is telling him to be upset.

-

Jaskier wakes to the taste of oranges.

For some reason, it just makes him want to cry.

“We are not dying on some godsforsaken mountain,” Jaskier mutters to his lute but also to himself because if he is to die, it will not be at the hands of heartbreak.

A lot easier said than done, though, because he ends up lost. Horribly lost. So lost that he wonders if someone had moved him while he was sleeping because there’s no way he could end up so clueless when he’d been pretty close to their original path the day before.

And he’s not unfit but he must have bruised himself more than he can tell while tumbling because he doesn’t get further than the duration of half a dozen ballads before both his muscles and his lungs force him to stop and rest in danger of retiring altogether.

Still, he keeps going. He can’t find anything edible but he hangs onto the taste of oranges from his stolen dream as he pushes forwards, begrudgingly thanking Destiny for giving him at least that from his soulmate.

-

There is a town with a contract.

And there is a witcher who almost regrets accepting it.

The monster is easy enough to defeat, nothing that takes more than a day. No, the monster isn’t the reason he chooses to disappear for almost a month afterwards - that would be the mirror.

Or more specifically, what he sees in the mirror: one of his eyes is the wrong colour.

He thinks he’s delirious at first but one potion and two hours’ worth of meditating later, his eyes are still inexplicably mismatched.

His left eye is the colour of the sky. The colour of the ocean. The colour of a privilege that he was never allowed to have. And he’s read just about enough poetry to know how that means he has a soulmate out there somewhere.

All that does is drown him in a blue hue of guilt.

-

Jaskier has just started playing his third song on the lute when something crashes into his legs.

He yelps, springing to his feet and almost tripping over whatever it is that’d crashed into him, which turns out to be a goat. A goat, of all things.

“Right, well, if you could not do that whole attacking thing again, that’d be great. You have rather pointy horns,” Jaskier huffs, settling on the rock once again.

To its credit, the goat seems to listen, munching on grass instead of stepping on his toes as Jaskier starts playing again. Confused but not entirely against the company, he continues singing about whatever comes to mind until the sky begins to darken and the air turns cold.

He sighs, putting the lute away and gently reaching out to stroke the goat, smiling when it doesn’t just headbutt him and bleats happily before settling in his lap. “At least you seem to want to stick around,” he mumbles.

Too tired to find anywhere more sheltered, Jaskier pulls his doublet tighter around himself and hugs his new best friend as tightly as he dares. For a moment, the goat lifts its head and stares at him and he fears he’s about to have his eye poked out, but then it just burps and settles again.

This time, he falls asleep laughing.

-

There is a hearth.

And there is a witcher sat beside three other witchers.

And despite the warmth of the fire and the warmth of his family, he is cold.

He is colder than he ever is, colder than when he is submerged underwater during a fight or when he is caught unawares in a storm or when he is kicked out of a tavern because he brings down the mood.

There is no explanation for why he is cold because he is home and he is safe and he should be warm but for some reason, he is not.

He is rarely warm.

And if he is warm, he doesn’t understand why.

There is no explanation for why he is warm when passing ruins he’s never seen before or when camping in the middle of nowhere just to be away from people or when being told the last copy of the book he’d been looking for was just sold to someone else.

Eventually, he gets used to the confusion, pulls on a cloak, and moves on.

-

Jaskier is probably losing a few of his marbles.

With nothing better to do, he follows the goat as it travels along a seemingly random path to find nothing in particular, stopping every so often to munch on something or the other.

“I can’t believe I’m following a goat,” he mutters to himself as he brushes grass off his arms, “and it’s not even a cute little baby- what’s a baby goat called? Hmm, I should really know that… Or should I? It’s not like I’ve met any farmers lately. Or anyone, for who am I meant to meet atop a mountain? Well, a goat, apparently.”

Said goat bleats at him as if asking him to hurry up.

“Yes yes, I’m hurrying. Some of us don’t eat grass, you know? Oh, but how would you know when all you can think about is the next patch of moss you’re going to eat? Is that what life is to be, travelling from patch to patch and-? Hey, that could be a wonderful name. I dub thee Patchy, my dearest goat friend,” Jaskier declares, grinning.

Patchy bleats again and headbutts his shin but it’s okay because it doesn’t hurt in the slightest and he only wobbles a little bit.  

“I’m taking that as your approval!”

-

There is a woman.

And there is a witcher lying in bed next to her.

They are both tired and not quite awake and she is gently running her nails along his arms because she has never seen anyone with so many scars.

He is waiting for her to fall asleep but she sits up and frowns, pointing out the words that have appeared on his skin: but I didn’t take any honey.

She must be able to tell he’s just as confused as she is because she gives him a funny look but doesn’t pry, though he leaves in the dead of night while she’s still asleep to avoid any chances of her asking questions.

But the words keep appearing and he ends up with plenty of his own questions anyway.

When he’s mending his armour: it doesn’t even hurt anymore; when he’s hunting: I love you more than I love getting drunk; when he’s brushing his horse: I assure you I have a perfectly good explanation; when he’s buying new gloves: I’m afraid I don’t know you; when he’s stitching up a wound: of course I was given permission to be here.

And on and on and on.

He wonders if this person is even human at times because they seem to lie more in a week than he even talks in a month.

-

Jaskier is exhausted.

“Hey, Patchy, it’s been lovely to know you but I think the time has come to part ways because I simply cannot take another step,” he mutters, leaning against the closest tree and sliding to the floor.

Patchy leaps into his lap with an oddly angry bleat.

Jaskier shrugs, ripping up a bit of grass and letting her eat it off his hand before sighing. “I fear it is indeed my fate to perish here. Perhaps life does grant blessings after all, hmm?”

His stomach rumbles and Patchy seems to take offence, startling and jerking sideways, the goat’s horns catching on his sleeve and causing a panic that leads to a large tear in his doublet and a mercifully smaller tear in his skin.

Still, he winces, pressing a hand onto the cut and half-heartedly glaring at Patchy. “Really? You’re lucky the material is red anyway, you menace.”

He regrets his words when the goat stands, spins on the spot, and makes a strange noise before sprinting away. Somehow, that abrupt departure stings far more than his actual injury.

-

There is an ocean.

And there is a witcher who has never been to the coast for a good reason, and still hasn’t.

He doesn’t belong in this scene, he’s borrowing it from someone else without even knowing how, but he can’t look away from the waves as they brush over the sand and over his toes before retreating once more.

There is a cane.

And there is a witcher who has never suffered this kind of punishment, and still hasn’t.

Although the injuries are not his and the crime - if it even exists - has nothing to do with him, he can’t escape the burning pain and the sharp throbbing as someone makes sure the wood meets its mark, again and again.

There is a cat.

And there is a witcher who has never been able to see one up close, and still hasn’t.

He’s not the one touching the tiny ball of fluff that curls up in his palms, he seems to be experiencing someone else’s amazement, but the feeling of soft fur and quiet purring stays with him for no less than a week.

-

Jaskier is ready to give up.

He truly has no idea where he is or how he’s meant to get back to flat land. The berries he’d found in the morning have done very little to provide him with energy and he’s about to declare himself as food for the wolves or something when he hears bleating.

“Patchy!”

And it is.

The goat barrels into him hard enough to knock him over but he’s too busy trying to hug his horned friend to care. He’s also too busy hugging his horned friend to notice that he’s being watched. That is, until someone clears their throat.

He freezes, looking up.

There’s a very long moment in which his heart drops about a mile into his stomach as he catches sight of a wolf medallion but then he sees the amber eyes and the spiked armour and the hesitant smile and his lungs remember how to work once again.

“You have no idea how happy I am to see you,” Jaskier says, grinning.

The witcher frowns at that, glancing over him in clear concern. Before he can reply, Jaskier looks away to tug his sleeve out of Patchy’s mouth and winces as he pulls on the not quite scab that had developed over the goat-inflicted wound.

“Oh, is he yours?” the witcher asks after a minute, and gods is his voice deep enough to sink into forever.

Jaskier blinks, pulling himself back to the matter at hand before he spirals into a daydream and shaking his head. “I didn’t even know he was a he, to be honest. Thank you for that, by the way, at least I can sing him a more accurate song of gratitude now.”

The witcher chuckles and steps to the side, revealing another, smaller goat that immediately bounds over and settles on his leg; Jaskier has never been so innocently afraid to accidentally move in his life.

“She’s called Lil Bleater,” the witcher says, promptly cursing when said goat starts nibbling on the sleeve Jaskier had just saved from being eaten by Patchy.

“It’s not like I was planning on wearing this doublet again anyway,” Jaskier says, but he still feels incredibly guilty for letting such fine tailoring end up as food for a pair of goats.

-

Eskel has never been so confused.

He feels like he recognises this stranger from somewhere but he can’t place it, the knowledge is almost like smoke slipping between his fingers before he can grasp it properly.

“It looks like it’s seen better days anyway,” he says, immediately regretting it when the other man blinks at him.

But then he laughs - perhaps the nicest laugh Eskel has ever had the pleasure of hearing - and holds out a hand, amusement sparkling in his eyes. Eskel leans forwards to shake his hand but Lil Bleater chooses that moment to get up and charge at him so he steps back and picks her up instead, offering the man an apologetic look.

“Not to worry, my hand will live a little longer without the honour of yours in it. I’m Jaskier, and you have my eternal gratitude for appearing out of nowhere when I was about a day away from forgetting what other people’s voices sound like,” the man says sincerely.

“Jaskier?” Eskel echoes.

He knows Geralt has mentioned this bard in the past and he’d have to be living under a rock not to know of him at all, what with the songs that are sung his way whenever he ventures into more populated towns, but he can’t fathom why someone so famous would be spending his time with a mountain goat.

Jaskier grins up at him. “Ah, so you’ve heard of me! I wish I could say the same but I don’t believe we’ve met before?”

Eskel shakes his head. “I, uh, I don’t do… crowds.”

“You and every other witcher, it seems,” Jaskier says, but he doesn’t sound like he’s trying to insult anyone. If anything, he seems almost sad.

“The crowds seem more like your style, bardling. What are you doing up here?”

The bard opens his mouth to say something before closing it again, then sighs. “I got lost and ended up following a goat until I got even more lost?”

Eskel chuckles, then puts Lil Bleater back on the ground before leaning down and offering Jaskier his hand because it feels odd to continue the conversation while he’s still sitting down. This time, the goats don’t get in the way and he manages to pull them both upright.

-

Jaskier gets about five seconds of being upright before he keels over.

Everything hurts.

The world blurs around him.

His knees hit the floor with a dull thud.

Everything really hurts.

There’s something under his skin.

His body is on fire.

Everything hurts so very much and he has no idea what’s happening and the sky has disappeared altogether and there’s water rushing past his ears and he’s in so much pain and he’s going to die without even having learnt this gorgeous witcher’s name and he can’t feel his hands at all and it’s way too dark and-

“Breathe, Jaskier!”

He already is.

Or maybe he’s not.

He unclenches his jaw and gasps desperately.

“That’s it, just breathe, you’re okay.”

But he’s not.

Or maybe he will be.

He groans and reluctantly peels open his eyes.

“I’ve got you,” the witcher murmurs, and he has; his arms are practically cradled around Jaskier and the two of them are kneeling in a tangle of limbs on the ground.

Jaskier exhales.

“You’re not going to die, I promise. And my name’s Eskel,” the witcher whispers, at which point Jaskier mortifyingly realises he must have been panicking out loud.

Slowly, Jaskier uncurls his limbs.

He stretches his fingers out from where they’d been squeezed into fists and waits for a moment before accepting that whatever the blinding pain had been is over before looking up, intending to thank Eskel.

But Eskel gasps before he can say anything.

And Jaskier immediately panics again, wondering what could possibly be wrong. He doesn’t need to ask though, because Eskel lifts a hand to ever so lightly tracing his finger down the right side of Jaskier’s face and it doesn’t take a genius to work out what he can see.

“No no no no no,” Jaskier breathes frantically, “this cannot be happening.”

He pulls himself out of Eskel’s arms and shakes his head but his gaze lands on his hands as he uses them to balance and his breath hitches. Without wasting a second, he shrugs off his doublet and rolls his sleeves up, eyes widening at the sight of silvery scars he’s never earned, silvery scars he’d once had and once lost.

“No, I- I already know my- Geralt was- is- no, no, no no no no, wait. Wait. This can’t be right, it can’t- it- you can’t- I mean, we can’t be- nope, no no...” Jaskier’s words can’t seem to form themselves properly as he struggles to breathe.

-

Eskel has no idea what’s happening.

Except he does.

There’s only really one explanation for why the marks that had suddenly revealed themselves on Jaskier’s skin are an exact copy of his own scars, there’s only really one explanation for why the colour of Jaskier’s eyes had seemed so familiar, and there’s only really explanation for why he feels like someone has cast igni inside his heart.

Unfortunately, Jaskier doesn’t seem to like that one explanation.

He waits, though. He waits until Jaskier remembers how to inhale and exhale properly before offering the bard a small smile. “I’m sorry.”

Surprisingly, Jaskier looks confused at that. “What?”

“I’m sorry,” he repeats, “I don’t blame you for preferring, uh, Geralt. Or anyone else, for that matter. I wouldn’t want to be stuck with me either.”

Even more surprisingly, Jaskier shuffles closer and punches his arm with a surprising amount of strength, his confusion having been entirely replaced by anger. “I don’t know what in Melitele’s name you think you mean by that but I demand that you stop… thinking it. I’m not- I- I just thought- I’ve spent years, so many years, thinking that I knew and I- I don’t know… I can’t-”

He cuts himself off, his chin wobbling, and Eskel has the inexplicable urge to hug him.

So he does.

Jaskier stiffens for half a second before he seems to forget that he has bones and all but melts into the embrace, burying his head into the crook of Eskel’s neck and throwing his arms around him as if his life depends on it.

Eskel has never felt so pleasantly warm in his life.

He wraps his arms around Jaskier in return and pulls him close, pretending that he can’t hear the sobs the bard is trying so hard to stifle and marvelling at the fact that he gets to hold his soulmate in his arms at all.

His soulmate.

He’d never thought he’d actually get to meet them.

“I’m sorry,” Jaskier mumbles eventually.

Eskel pulls back only enough to frown, brushing the tears away from under Jaskier’s eyes before tilting his head to the left. “You have nothing to apologise for.”

-

Jaskier feels like a fool.

He leans into Eskel’s soft touch for a moment before cupping the witcher’s face in his hands. “I’m sorry I never looked for you. I’m sorry I didn’t realise I was wrong. I’m sorry I almost just insulted you. I’m sorry for wasting so much time. I’m just so, so sorry.”

Eskel shrugs. “You didn’t know and I don’t blame you. It’s not your fault. I… I knew and I didn’t try so perhaps I ought to be the one apologising to you.”

But Jaskier did know.

To some extent, at least.

He’s known for long enough that not everything was adding up and he’d ignored it, he’d done nothing about it because he’d been terrified of losing Geralt, of losing his soulmate, of losing a life he’s loved, and it turns out he’s been losing everything he didn’t even know he could have had instead.

“I’m sorry,” Jaskier mumbles again, letting his forehead fall against Eskel’s as he closes his eyes.

“How does getting to the nearest inn sound?” Eskel offers.

Jaskier laughs and meets Eskel’s eyes, nodding. “Sounds like a plan I can’t argue with.”

“We’ll start with getting you to a proper bed and then go from there.”

He tries to resist that, he really does, but Jaskier simply cannot stop himself from smirking and raising an eyebrow. “Straight to bed, darling? Aren’t you even going to buy me a drink first?”

The endearingly sheepish look on Eskel’s face is almost worth all the pain.

“Though you really should buy me a drink first, for one reason or the other; I am a little dizzy still,” Jaskier mutters, having forgotten all about that because of the unprecedented pain.

Eskel curses.

Before Jaskier can even process the emotional whiplash, Eskel has lifted him to his feet and turned around, dropping to one knee. “Let’s go.”

Jaskier blinks. “Are you asking me to… climb on your back?”

Eskel turns to look at him with half a smile. “I really don’t think you’re capable of walking more than a mile more without collapsing, Jaskier.”

Well, that’s probably true. He grabs his lute and swings that onto his own back before looping his arms around Eskel’s neck, his legs locking around the witcher’s waist as he stands up effortlessly.

-

Eskel smiles as Jaskier settles on his back as if he were born to do so.

Which, quite possibly, he sort of was.

He smells like the comfort Eskel gets from when the dreams he borrows are good ones and it feels impossible that he gets to experience it in person. But it’s very much not impossible because Jaskier is a steady weight around his waist and on his shoulder and against his neck.

It’s a little overwhelming.

“So you’re the one who was dreaming of a succubus then?” Jaskier asks out of the blue.

Eskel stops walking for a second, narrowly avoids accidentally kicking Lil Bleater, and clears his throat. “Dreaming? No. No, that’s not quite how we spent the night.”

There’s a moment of silence before Jaskier laughs brightly. Eskel can feel the way his shoulders shake with the force of his amusement and it’s almost a miracle that neither of them overbalance.

“You’ll have to elaborate on that at some point, it’s going to make a great song!”

“You want to write songs about the succubi I’ve met?” Eskel asks, confused. Surely the bard could have asked Geralt about them over the years, it’s not like witchers can afford to designate who takes care of which creatures or anything.

But Jaskier snorts, pokes Eskel’s cheek, and shakes his head. “No, I- I want to write songs about… about my soulmate.”

That feels like a confession and Eskel is honoured to have received it. He hums in acknowledgement and gently squeezes one of Jaskier’s legs. “Not to worry, we have all the time in the world.”

“We do?” Jaskier asks.

Shuffling the bard’s weight a little bit, Eskel lifts his right hand so Jaskier can see his wrist and more specifically, the ouroboros etched into it. He hears Jaskier gasp before there are gentle fingers around his arm that almost make him shiver, a warm finger tracing the symbol over and over until Eskel hears quiet sniffling.

It takes a while for Jaskier to exhale softly and give Eskel’s hand back to him, after which he goes back to supporting his weight more evenly. He has plenty of his own questions but he figures it’s best to leave them for later, when they’ve both recovered from the shock.

The town comes into view sooner than expected, or perhaps Eskel had just been unknowingly pushing himself to walk faster because he can feel the way Jaskier’s grip has slowly relaxed to the point where he’s practically just draped over him like a very strange sort of cloak.

As much as he doesn’t want to let go of Jaskier, he has to when they get to the stables. Both goats are more than happy to be secured near Scorpion, who huffs at Jaskier just hard enough to send him stumbling into Eskel’s side with a small yelp.

“I’ve got you,” Eskel chuckles.

-

Jaskier grins.

“That you have,” he agrees, “but have you got a room?”

Nodding, Eskel leads them both back to the inn. But instead of going up the stairs, he guides Jaskier to the table in the corner. “Stay here, I’m going to get some food.”

Jaskier blinks, used to this scenario playing out the other way around. Eskel is gone before he can even think of replying so he just yawns and waits, shuffling over when the witcher returns because if he doesn’t lean against someone, he’s probably going to fall into his meal.

Eskel pauses for a second before sliding into the seat beside him, placing two bowls of stew in front of them. “I know you’re tired but you really should eat.”

“How ever will I repay such kindness?” Jaskier mumbles before following Eskel’s instructions.

Jaskier is immensely grateful that Eskel doesn’t mind being leaned on because almost counterintuitively, eating only makes him want to fall asleep even more. By the time they’re both finished, he can barely keep his eyes open.

“Almost there,” Eskel says, at which point he realises they’re now halfway up the stairs.

Yawning again, Jaskier keeps a tight hold of Eskel’s arm as they get to his room, thrown off when they stop by the door instead of somewhere more suitable for sleeping. “What’s wrong?” he asks, frowning.

Eskel places the lute Jaskier apparently hadn’t been strong enough to carry himself down before gesturing around vaguely. “I didn’t know anyone would be staying with me so…”

Jaskier laughs, throwing his head back. He has no idea what compels him to do so but he cups Eskel’s confused face in his hands and places a soft kiss on his nose. “Eskel, darling, you are literally my soulmate. I think we’ll be alright sharing a bed.”

He can actually feel the way Eskel smiles under his hands and can’t help grinning back, but then his knees decide to buckle for no apparent reason - aside from the general exhaustion and probably clumsy bruises, of course - and Eskel is once again the only thing keeping him upright.

He’s not entirely sure what the sequence of events is after that but he doesn’t care to puzzle over it because he ends up with his head on an actual pillow and Eskel’s arms around him and he’s never felt so comfortable and safe and content in his life.

“Don’t leave without me,” Jaskier mumbles even as he can feel himself drifting off, only slightly embarrassed at being so obvious about it.

Eskel hums quietly and brushes the pad of his thumb over Jaskier’s cheek before moving his hair away from his forehead, smiling softly as their eyes meet. “I would never even think of it,” he promises.

And somehow, despite everything else in his life that’s somehow gone wrong and fallen apart and proven that perhaps he shouldn’t be so blindly trusting of what he thinks may be the truth even if he has plenty of reasons to believe otherwise, Jaskier can't bring himself to doubt the witcher’s words even in the slightest.

If there’s one thing he knows, it’s that Eskel has always been his destiny.

-

i apologise if this finale was a little messy because i was indecisive and couldn't choose just one pov but i am so hyped to have finished !!! i hope this ending was worth all the chaos <3

-

thanks for reading! masterlist | witcher blog: @itsjaskier

[bounce-a-coin-off-your-witcher]

hi bouncey, may i offer you this smol hc: au in which Jaskier convinces Geralt to go to the coast, the fresh air at sea gives them +1 braincell (now 2 between them lmao) so they finally get together. Jaskier writes a song in the early morning after they made love cause he cant sleep - his heart is so soft & full. Geralt hears him and decides to make/sing his bard a song too - cause he is a sap. (i hc Geralts song: Cicadas and Gulls by Feist and Jaskiers: NFWMB by Hozier but thats just me lol)

Okay I love this idea and those songs. I am also going to add:

“Age of Kings” by The Mountain Goats (big Jaskier vibes, also it references stone towers in the foothills, wolves, and the color gold)

“I Think I Love You” by Declan (originally by the Partridge Family but I prefer Declans’ cover) 

[originalwinnercheesecake]

My Palisman Predictions

A bunch of Students from Hexside, what animals I think they will carve for Palismans one day, and my reasons as to why.

Luz Noceda: An Otter with wings. If Luz stays on the boiling isles long enough to get a staff and Palisman (which she should) than this is what I believe she will chose. Grom, among many other great things, told us about Luz and Otters. They are an animal she feels very strong when connected to, so it would be a very good Palisman for her. But Luz will not have just a plain old Otter, No. She has spent months being influenced by the Clawthorn family (is basically Eda’s adopted daughter) , and the Clawthorns are all about aviaries as symbols. So Winged Otter, master of air and water and probably land (eat your heart out ducks).

Williow Park: A Chia Pet. I have seen a lot of people give her a garden type insect, like a butterfly or ladybug. That would be a great choice if Grom hadn’t revealed she is actually really scared of bugs. At first I was pretty set on Willow carving a chipmunk.Make herself a cute little woodland creature that likes to scamper thru the garden. But this is Willow, this is the girl that with all her plant based power makes Poison Ivy look like a toddler running around with a seed in a dixie cup of dirt. How can she NOT have a palisman that is at least half plant? I don’t know about y’all but when I think of chia pets I picture a little hedgehog with leaves growing out of its back. Maybe Willows could thorn branches and learn to use vine whip?

Au”GUS”tus Porter: A Rabbit. A little bit because rabbits are popular in Human magic shows, which are all about creating illusions. But mostly because Gus’s specialty is making clones of himself and, as we all know, rabbits are great at multiplying.

Amity Blight: A Cat. This one warrants an explanation? Okay, Amilty is literally a cat in a human body. Think abut it when you first meet her she comes off as This aloof snob who see’s herself as above it all. But keep coming around, give her time to get used to you, you may manage to befriend her. And if you do manage to befriend her she turns into this silly, affectionate, dork. She is a cat. Her brother and sister know she is a cat, That is why they call her mittens, a popular cat name. Amity’s palisman will be a cat.

Edric and Emira Blight: Giraffe. Speaking of Amity’s Brother and sister. Yeah yeah I know I say that I want the show to dive more into the twins individual characters, and I do. But the two of them are close, and have worked as a team so often that they have very similar style of magic. I can see them carving the same animal, and just having them pose a bit different from the other, maybe teaching them separate tricks. As for Why they would want Giraffes, come on Giraffes have got to be the most hardcore animals in existence. They were literally banished from the Isle because they scared all the witches by refusing to be controlled. Just imagine Ed and Em using their illusion magic to conjure up an image of a herd of Giraffes running thru the market. The fact that Alador and Odalia would no doubt have objections to the twins wanting Giraffes would just be a bonus.

Boscha: A horse. I feel like a horse strikes just the right balance of pretentiousness and athleticism for Boscha. Horses also compete, and we have seen how important competition is to Boscha

Skara: A Peacock. Skara is a bard track girl, and for her 15th birthday magicked sparkly invitations out of real butterfly's. This tells us that Skara loves things that are fancy, and dramatic. A peacock is the perfect animal for her. 

Amelia: A Squirrel. It is a nature based woodlen creature that  is kinda simple, likes plants, and likes to snack. Based on what little bit we have seen of Ameiia in the background I would say that fits her pretty well.

Cat: An Owl. Cat is in the healing track, which I am guessing means she wants to be a medic, so she must be smart. Also her glasses make me think a bit of an owl. We do not know to much about Cat yet, so I going to leave her at owl, and it may change once we get more into her character.

Bo: A Dolphine. Bo ( the freckly healing track girl) is another character we do not know that much about yet ( hey, how about if in season 2 we give the healing track a bit more love). But  a dolphine is smart and social, chich Bo seems to be. Plus I really anted to give somebody a sea creature, and why not Bo?

Selene: Wolf. Selene is that really cool girl from the oracle track that has a head like a crescent moon. I picked a wolf for her because they are considered spiritual animals and have love/loyalty to the moon.

Mattholomule: An Armadillo or a Rat. something small, that is good at constructing burrows/tunnels, and is considered a pest.

Viney: A Griffin. Viney is going to create a palisman that looks exactly like a little carving of her beloved pet and assistant Puddles. Okay? Okay.

Jarbo: A Mole. Jarbo likes plants and soil/mud, so I am giving him a mole. He will liekthat beacause moles are super cute

Barcus: A Cat. So with Barkus being a dog, some people probabaly expect him to have a dog palisman, as a pack mate maybe? IF that is what you see him with then that is great for you. But I want to give him a cat, so he and his palisman can chase each other around on adventures.

Eileen (eyeball girl): A Frog. She is in the potion track and it is hinted in the covention episode that she wants to become a chef someday. I could see a frig helping her out in the kitchen. Like it could leap up onto shelves to fetch ingredients for her, and maybe stir pots with its tongue 

The Stoner Oracle Guy: A Bat. Maybe it could help him learn to fly in those red shoes with bat wings

The purple haired abomination girl with the horns: A Ram. Their horns would match.

The gold abomination guy with the head that looks like some kind of exotic fruit:  A deer. This guy is pretty big, but comes off as a big, shy, sweetheart. I want to give him a deer palisman.

Cute little cyclops goat student in the bard track: A Strong and Sturdy mountain goat No need to think to hard on all of them

Blue Gay kid with the fins on his face: A Seahorse

His boyfriend, who has red hair and I think is in the oracle track: A regular horse. Bigger and fluffier than Boshca’s, maybe a clidesdale

Mouth headed girl in the illusion track: A Hyena.

green potion guy whom King nicknames fang: A parana. Like him it is full of sharp teeth.

Principal Bump: Monkey. Bump is an old guy and he likely already has a staff and palisman, we just haven’t seen it. Until we do see it I want to headcannon that his Palisman is a monkey, and it is doing the “See no evil pose” where it is covering its eyes; since Frewin hangs on just level with Bump’s eyes.

[zawadni]

Okay, everything I say in this is very basic information about the characters that you find out early in their route or you find out at some point while playing anyone else’s route. Nothing is a heavy spoiler that will ruin the story line.

Julien - sexy as fuck I know, but is a whiny bitch and almost all of the fandom can agree he is a bottom or/and submissive. Of course there are people who head cannon otherwise, and that’s okay. I haven’t played his entire route just cuz he isn’t my type personality wise, but basically he is a wanted man of Vesuvia and a plague doctor. He likes spending his time in bars getting drunk and has been known to be a bit of a bard! However he is INCREDIBLY BOOK SMART! Man can read and write which is really great for someone in this setting, is a doctor, and I think he is bilingual if I remember correctly. That might be a popular head cannon. He is a little flirty if I remember correctly!

Asra - magician, cute lamb dude with a pet snake, IS NOT AN INNOCENT LAMB THOUGH. Technically like the 707 or Mammon of the game and loves you in every route. The MC is his apprentice in every route. We often see him visiting the shop the two of you run for brief periods of time before leaving to a mysterious location on a mysterious quest again. Mischievous and romantic. I have played his entire route and I like it but his reversed end is creepy as hell-

Nadia - the countess. Boss bitch. She is a bad ass bitch but so fucking kind and empathetic at the same time. She actually cares about her people and married into the family, does not have any kids, prefers when the MC is direct with her instead of lying or beating around the bush. Loves to tease.

Muriel - MOUNTAIN OF A GENTLE GIANT OF A MAN! I REPEAT- GENTLE GIANT! Big buff awkward man who lives in the woods alone with his chickens and wolf. Very sweet. Very large. Standoffish and cold at first but he opens up to you. He is pretty shy and doesn’t like big crowds- he has an interesting back story though that I won’t get into here.

Lucio - the dead count of Vesuvia. His death is a little bit a part of the storyline for every route and there is a lot more to the story than you think. HE HAS TWO ADORABLE DOGS! I love his dogs. They are hunting dogs and are absolutely adorable. We see them most in his route and Nadia’s route but they make an appearance in every route, they are characters. He himself is arrogant, self centered, overly confident, thinks he is beloved but everyone kind of finds him annoying, and likes goats. He has good points and so far I like his route. He is very prideful. You might not like him in other people’s routes, you’re not supposed to as he is the antagonist, but I’ve found his route to be pretty interesting so far. I’m also a sucker for a man who loves his dogs- dude he treats his dogs better than anyone else. Yes, he is a ghost technically but again, there is a lot more to that story than you think there is.

Portia - best friend. Bubbly, flirty, and so much fun! She will prioritize you and protect you even if she is just Nadia’s favorite servant. Has a kitty named PeiPei! She loves to laugh and is very curious. She doesn’t mind getting into some mischief. Has a brother.

The Arcana story line it’s self is mostly a romantic tragedy. There are adorable and gorgeous CGs you can get and the paid options I HIGHLY recommend saving up for because I’ve found it to be so worth it. You can obviously go back and replay chapters to see paid options and get cgs I think it just costs a key or something.

The arcana is also mostly just story. There is the wheel you can spin daily where your either get coins or a trinket. Collect the trinkets to unlock 3 specific side stories. After you’ve gotten them all and played them all then you can start selling trinkets. You have to sell them in groups of 10 and every 10 gives you 50 coins.

There is the post card game. It’s a mini board game where you can collect post cards from your favorite characters. You get three plays per day and at most can get one post card per play. I always suggest picking what character you go for based on what character you’re able to get to on the first roll. Once you play the game you’ll understand it better, I’m pretty sure they give you a tutorial. If they don’t, watch someone else playing it on YouTube really quick, it’s not hard concept I am just bad at explaining it which is why I’m in even attempting to right now lol.

And there is the daily coins you get when your log in. Every 7 days, instead of coins you get a tarot reading (that you don’t have to use immediately) that can be performed by Asra, Nadia, or Julien. (The original three game characters)

To get keys, it should give you keys after a set amount of hours. However pretty often they find something to celebrate and will have days of infinite keys or giving us keys and coins. It’ll take a little while but I’ve found that it’s one of the more generous games.

If you’re want to know anything else, I will happily share.

thanks dude

[crowleyellestair]

Headcanons on how the wolves + Jaskier would react to a s/o who is due for their period soon and thus very testy/wheepy? I have just been an atomic bomb this month and it’s driving me and everyone else nuts 😖

AN// I’m sorry it’s rough right now, I feel you 100% I hope you can relate and feel just a touch better through this by laughing or feeling some fluff

 The thing about the boys at Kaer Morhen is that they weren’t really aware of what was happening. Triss had explained it a winter prior due to Ciri’s first cycle, but that hadn’t meant that they were used to it. Sorceresses don’t have these problems, and that was the type of women they were around most of the time. Close friends were always invited to the keep, and when Y/n was invited, it stirred the castle into territory most people wouldn’t think it would go.

Vesemir was the first to notice, being the soft dad he was

-Being as old and as trained as he his, he could simply tell

-He had been quite the gentleman as a young wolf, and was familiar with what to do in general

-Not wanting to truly treat you differently, he still asked for certain chores to be done, keeping you up and walking, but not having to move too much

-Honey and black tea would be specially made for you in the morning, as well as having your seat warm by the time you came down for breakfast

-He made certain your clothes were washed separately and more frequently, wanting to help you feel as clean as possible. The scent of sweat or musk never helps on that front

-Since he also cooks, as well as take care of laundry, he plates your food before taking the large pots to the table. The others thought it was because you became his favorite, and while that was true, he made sure to add extra ginger as that helps with cramps. He had regrets for not growing fennel this season, but he was glad to know that his ginger stock can help make you feel comfortable

Lambert was the first to experience it

-There were pranks to be had between you two

-While Jaskier can take what has been dished, his revenge pranks were never as funny

-He was the one who wasn’t afraid to be rowdy with you, and he found out the hard way that you weren’t up for it

-The witcher had been stalking you through the rafters, waiting until he could pounce

-Cramps weren’t necessarily terrible when approaching time, but you had stopped to rub your lower stomach for a moment, trying to sooth anything before it started

-That was the cat-wannabe’s time to strike

-He slid down the wall behind you, though close enough to whereas he landed, his arms wrapped around your shoulders and he wrapped his legs around your torso in a piggy-back formation

-You immediately went off, turning and falling against the wall

-He evacuated before he would be smashed and as he rounded to the front of you, smirk plastered on his face, you cuffed him as hard as you could

-The tears didn’t come, but the unnecessary adrenaline mixed with the already foul mood

-“Not today, Lambert, I swear to Melitele.”

-His eyes went wide, and he truly felt bad.

-You had never raised your voice, even after that one time he glued your mug of ale to your hand

-He threw out a quick sorry and practically flew down the hall in the direction you had just come from

Geralt had noticed next

-It had been the smell

-Not that you smell, but with the extra mutations, he could sense something

-It had been a familiar thing with Ciri, but he simply couldn’t place it

-He walked in on it as your room was on the way to his

-You had a plant, one Vesemir entrusted you to grow, but unbeknownst to you, it wasn’t really important. He just thought you might like a little life in your room. The plant began to wilt however, and leaves started to fall. You were in mourning, resting and crying against the wall

-The White Wolf stepped in to ask if you were ok, not realizing the situation before, but quickly stepped out when the real water works started. You clutched the plant to your chest and wept

-He made a swift and silent exit, trying to not interfere with your grief nor the scent in the air

Eskel, the soft soul, hadn’t noticed anything

-The brunette had either been held up in the library trying to fit his new finds into the shelves or he was with Lil’ Bleater

-You had made contact with him in the area where the goat roamed, fawning over the dear

-He had simply thought you shared the same kind of bond with the animal as he did

-It actually pleased him thoroughly to see it, a small grin plastered on his face

-You even went as far as picking the lil’ guy up and holding him

-He hadn’t noticed it then, but looking back, you were certainly too into it

Jaskier found out through the three younger witchers asking

-“You’re fully human, so what’s happening?”

-“What do you mean?” The three other men sitting him down in the main hall’s table. Lambert looked hurt and uncomfortable, and in the smallest voice any of them had ever heard from him, he said,

-“She yelled at me.” Geralt nodded, also noting the difference in behavior

-“Her smell is different. Not bad, just off. I also found her with a plant, crying.” His tone was rough and almost angry, upset with himself for not knowing what was going on, nor knowing how to fix it

-“Now thinking about it, she did seem aggressive in her coddling with Lil’ Bleater.” Eskel’s hand flew to his scarred cheek, a habit he developed whenever he thought something was very wrong

-It took the bard a moment to think of ideas, but the realization still came quickly

-He felt confident in his knowledge, though he had certainly been lucky in his life, never really being in contact with the disastrous side of a period

-Being dramatic, but also very out of his depth in this area, he told the men to leave it to him

-He shouldn’t have

-Jaskier ended up on his ass for trying to give you a massage and for making a mess of your bed by putting frozen wildflower petals over it

-Vesemir stepped in finally, overhearing the conversation, and explained that it wasn’t a voluntary thing. That Geralt could sense the intense shift in hormones, and you were lashing out, but not because you wanted to. He, being logical and a great dad, exaggerated how much you didn’t mean it, and how you most likely felt bad. Subtlety was needed for the situation, and no one needed a grand gesture. It was simply another week in the life of someone with ovaries, and you shouldn’t be treated too differently than usual, simply with a little more care.

The boys understood, but still felt bad for whatever reason. Jaskier was the first to think of a discrete apology, realizing a surprise massage was definitely not the way to go about it. He had come up to you late the same night, a hot rock wrapped in the nicest towel he could find, in hand. His same bubbly atmosphere stayed with him as he gently handed it to you. There wasn’t an actual conversation between the two of you, but he explained somewhat,

“I’ve heard that heated pads where better than massages anyways.” He knew that when he received a soft smile that it was okay.

Eskel was the next to think of something you might appreciate. He had a favorite book, despite reading many titles over his time. Embarrassingly enough, it was a smaller romance novella about a noble woman falling in love with a dwarf that worked in her families mine. You didn’t need to know it was his favorite, but he left it in your spot as an offering, knowing how he becomes so wrapped up in the book that he looses a sense of reality while reading it. He simply wanted you to lose yourself or whatever you felt, even just for a moment.

Geralt had become spoiled on his travels with Jaskier and Ciri. He fell in love with chamomile oil and honey exfoliation soap. The scent wasn’t overbearing, and the small grains in it from the oat really made one feel clean. There was a bathing order for everyone, his lining up right before yours. Geralt had extra bars, leaving one for you one night. It was like the others, just with a hint of orange zest. He knew you wouldn’t smell or sense what he could, and again, it wasn’t bad, but he knew how you appreciated feeling clean before this.

Lambert was the last to think of something. This had been traumatic for him, the young witcher taking a liking to you more than he had with someone since Aiden. He never thought he had to apologize for anything, nor has he ever had to come up with something to make someone more comfortable. Of course, he knew he didn’t have to, but he truly cared, and wanted to do something nice. And that came in the form of fur a week after the boys’ realization.

He was always freezing, and always wrapped in fur blankets. He had made sure he had the best furs, scratchy furs being uncomfortable. His favorite was a black and grey wolf pelt he had taken from this overly large wolf he found in the Skellege mountains. No matter where he dragged it, how many times he washed it, or overused it, it continued to be the softest thing he’s felt. Lambert would be spotted frequently at night being wrapped in said fur as he would pad down to use the bathroom. The fur had been cleaned and placed on your bed one night, though when you ventured to his room to ask about it, he was hidden. He was watching of course, and only relaxed when he watched you shrug and wrap the blanket around your shoulders. They all wanted your pain to leave as you mattered to them. They all wanted you safe and secure, but none of you can help it. They all swore they would try their damndest to make you comfortable in caring ways

[artistsfuneral]

Mountain Path

Jaskier hates the cold.

He prefers sunshine and summer and green lush fields over cold winter days when everything is gray. Geralt knows that.

That's why, when Jaskier walks down the Dragon Mountains and stands in front of a fork in the path, he chooses to go north. Into the cold lands behind the mountains.

Away from Cintra and Oxenfurt and Nilfgaard.

Away from Geralt and Destiny.

The people he meets are wary of him. A bard from the South has no place in their lives. Jaskier has no place here.

But Dandelion has.

Dandelion who is taken in by a friendly shepherd's family. Dandelion who learns to navigate sheep and goat through the snowy cliffs of the mountains. Dandelion who let's his hair grow long to protect his ears from the cold. Dandelion who doesn't wear doublets, but warm wool clothes and ponchos made from warm blankets and furs.

Dandelion who only ever sings now for the shepherd's kids and the animals.

Dandelion doesn't cry when a wolf witcher recognizes him. Dandelion doesn't cry at the sight of the young woman that wears the silver wolf head around her neck. It is Jaskier who breaks down crying, hair white and gray on his head and back bent from age. It is Jaskier who screams from the pain and heartbreak that a pitchfork can cause. It is Dandelion who dies that day in the cold snowy mountains.

Jaskier stands in front of a fork in the path. He goes left, ready to fight Destiny. Because the thought of a life in the cold mountains is too scary.

[dwordza]

Fuck it, lets be gods

Dream: God of Mystery. Controls the enigmas of the mortal realm. Ironically, has close to no power in the pantheon, and is Extremely pissed about it. Minor God of Control, Power, and Thieving. If you and/or a loved one has recently found one of your most prized possessions stolen, there’s a chance the Mystery God has found himself a new plate of meat to play with. Tread with caution, and keep your enemies close. No one likes the God of Mystery.

Schlatt: God of Secrecy. Every whisper you share, he hears. Frequently visits those having affairs, just to fuck with them. Also visits those suffering from addiction. Minor God of alcohol, drug usage, and rams. If you feel as though you’ve become something no one forgives, it’s likely the Secret God has touched your soul with bile. Be not afraid when you die, he welcomes all with a smile and a swig of whiskey.

Techno: God of Trust. Be mindful to never use those around you, he will tear you in twine. Aside from being a God, he also acts as a servant for the Angel. Minor God of loyalty, war, and revenge. The servant of blood is not to be fooled with. A savage beast born from mans greatest ailment: his own dishonesty. Do not lie to a pig, for they will never find your corpse.

Philza: God of Creation. All mountains and streams are made of the same gods tears. Those who follow the Creator are forever under his control, and even in death do they serve him. The Angel of Death, the Blood God, the destructor. Atoms cannot be destroyed or created, and you must get your building blocks from somewhere. Minor God of birds, death, and dreams. Those who hope are often imbued with the spirit of the Blood God. But do not try to escape his afterlife, he’s a firm believer in “You Only Live Once”.

Ranboo: God of Duality. The cost of silken fists is a broken memory. An eye for an eye is what the Dual God lives by, forever in a constant battle with himself. He’s haunted by apparitions of the Mystery God, cursed to have sacred hymns whispered into his psyche. Those touched by his careful hand frequently forget their names. Wrote the 3 Great Tomes, but lost 2. Minor God of memory, cats, and the Sky.

Wilbur: God of Possession. He has his things and you have yours, keep it that way. Those touched by his demanding grasp often hoard and steal. He is defiant towards the pantheon, cast out by his own Father and cursed to roam the earth as a wandering Bard. Minor God of music, explosives, and performance. Any performer or star wears a pendant of the Possessive God on their neck, for good luck. His unfinished symphony lives on in the demigods he raised, and in a siren mistress.

Tommy: Demi-god of Attachment. Before Tommy, the world was very bleak. Only the gods felt connections, and from the Creation God bore a human child capable of caring. He sent him down to be raised by his eldest son, the Possessive God, and to be brought into his godhood by age 16. This did not go as planned. The Possessive God disappeared without a trace, and the Mystery God took Tommy under his wing. Tommy has been cloaked by Mystery, and left to fend for himself with no friends in sight.

Tubbo: Demi-god of Devotion. Tubbo met a lone boy in the forest, and climbed a rickety tower to where a demigod reached for his home. Together they’ve become great soldiers and best friends, working with others to fight back against the tyrants who wish to hurt them. Visited by the Servant of Blood and brought to their knees by the Mystery God, they only wish to find peace alone with themselves. Tubbo has visions of a Secret God, a goat man who leads him to make decisions to favor the very gods he wishes to know. The God of Creation shows distance towards his children, but to Tubbo the most.

Fundy: Demi-god of Trickery. Cursed into a fox body with the brain of a genius, Fundy wanders the mortal world searching for someone who will simply listen to him. Luckily, with the help of the Dual God, Fundy found himself to be a bipedal beast with glowing eyes and great, sharp teeth. He now serves the Dual God and keeps his many tomes in pristine order. Though sometimes, when the Gods sleep and the town dreams, he stares into the sky and longs to find his lost family. Fundy has lately been seen drinking with a man people can only describe as “severely intoxicated, like really man go home.”

Quackity: Bard of Corruption. A humble butcher hellbent on murdering the Servant of Blood, Quackity uses his supernatural qualities to morph his face into another. He frequently takes the mask of the Mystery God, and finds himself the owner of much land simply because he resembles a God. He mocks the Gods, too, creating personas that dirty the Gods names and create propaganda about their intentions. Quackity is very intuitive, extremely smart, and with enough cockiness about him that he can serenade even the coldest hearts with his lovely music. He sold his butcher shop and took himself and his good friend Sapnap on a great journey to find a God willing to fund their operation. And they did.

Karl: God of Prevention. Karl has traveled through time and space trying to stop the terrible things he’s seen, and he’s failed every time he’s tried. Minor God of dance, wealth, and the arts. Karl was so close to resetting again, when a wild bard and an AWOL knight begged him for funding. He... he couldn’t turn them away. He found himself enamored with their jokes and the way they danced around his temple, chasing each other with sticks and small daggers. Karl, for the first time in his eons of living, danced. This timeline wasn’t like the others. In the others, his Bard died. In others, his Knight never left the castle. In the others, he never swung in their embrace and asked them to stay forevermore.

Sapnap: a once loyal knight turned to murder and thieving, Sapnap is a force to be reckoned with. He once dueled the Servant of Blood himself, and would’ve won had it not been for the Servants second wind. For his good fight, the Servant rewarded him with the Axe of Peace, a enchanted weapon created from the Servants very soul. Sapnap sold it to a wandering soldier boy dubbed ‘Theseus’. He followed his fellow Quackity to the temple of Suspension, where they found a lonesome God on the brink of madness. He’s now engaged to said God, along with Quackity, and ferrying him around the world, showing him everything he’s missed cooped up in that temple.

Jack Manifold: The man who escaped the labyrinth, Jack Manifold is as shifty as they come. He was slaughtered by Tommy, and hellbent on revenge he tore his way out of the Creation Gods labyrinth, and started his hunt. Cursed with a capped chain and a broken spirit, even the Servant shakes when he sees Jack Manifold. He’s recently joined the Blood Gods temple, and his triumph in his labyrinth gave him a great deal of leverage. The Blood God himself has given him protection, bidding him to find and kill his youngest son. Jack Manifold plans to do just that, and he’s not going to stop there.

Niki: Niki Nihachu is a woman of great power, protected by the Possessive God and close ally to the Servant. She left her home in ruins and burned the great tree which she had grown to hate, calling upon the Possessive Gods sacred soul to grant her the power of explosion. And grant he did. She now finds herself working with one Jack Manifold and, with the help of the Servant, she’s found the location of the Demi-god Tommy. She plans to assassinate him, becoming the true heiress to the Possessive Gods thrown in the pantheon. She’s had great success, as of late.

Note: in this AU Tommy is one of philzas children, but in a “I created you from nothing” type beat. Tommy isn’t his Blood son, but instead a ball of magic melded into human shape by the Angel. Philza then sent Tommy away to be raised by Wilbur. I came up with this AU when Tommy was still assumed to be Philzas son in canon, and it fits the story well so I’m not gonna change it. Just know: philza is not a “bad dad”, he’s a really cool god who got bored and created a funny little demigod to go and cause problems. He also respectfully bid Jack Manifold, among others, to hunt down his creation bc he’s a Girlboss in this AU lmao.

[ilovejaskierthebard]

Again @gods-no-longer-tread-here is here to be the best and most inspiring. How did you know I was secretly craving to write more on this lil angry bastard???

Which like...let me explain.

*deep sigh* I AM. FOREVER. MAD. About how much I love Baker!Lambert. 😂

I love Geralt. Jaskier is my soul and Eskel is the light of my life. Before this, Lambert was my fondly, disgustingly adored lil goblin baby man. I can not explain that more, if you have a lil trash baby character you know what I mean when I say I love him as much as I want to kick his ass.

((Oh gods, is this how Vesemir feels all of the time???))

But lemme tell you. I love Baker!Lambert. I do. I want to write 80 chapters of a slow burn fic where he falls in love with an equally competitive and angry baker who comes to town to learn from him. There would cakes with hand made icing that said 'Fuck You, Lambitch' in beautiful cursive. Pies that are golden and flakey from afar but up close the crimped edging would be lil dicks. There would 100% be a food fight of some sort that would eventually lead to Lambert walking around unaware that his ass has two very clear flour-hand prints.

((It would be a rom com for assholes, yall))

ANYWAYS so yes. OF COURSE there would be consequences of Lambert fucking with the thirsty town thots. I mean, for a long time i think they'd be too scared to individually pick a fight with him.

Like this man knows he is good at what he does, and he knows come monday morning you'd insult your own mother for one of his bagels. So that's one bit of leverage, but also he is very clearly 'the one down for murder' of the brothers. If you fuck with him, he will stab you. Bread knife. Icing spatula. Ovens the size of a man. The man works with a lot of tools.

So yeah, It would take a while for all the local Eskel thotters (whats the word for a gathering of thots??? A ho down?...thats the worst joke I've ever made in my life but Im keeping it in here.) To get together and realize 'oh shit' and that he has been messing with them all.

It probably starts small, just a few of them being like ): Lambert is such a meanie -but then more and more people join and they get drunk and then they want answers.

Cue to Lambert looking out his window to a fucking mob. Who just so happen to lose their collective shit all at the same time, on a day that just so happens to ACTUALLY be Eskel's birthday.

And of course you know Lambert just went balls out for this cake because he likes to show off. But also because, this is like an intimate family gathering and he deep down really wants to show them his work because he knows they'll love it.

Excuse me why I cry

So this cake. It's probably as tall as Eskel himself. Amazing flavors, idk like every layer is something crazy like white chocolate with rasberry filling or angel cake with passion fruit infused icing. It would be a heavily landscaped mountain, with sugar glass flowers and trees. Little edible goats -Eskel's whole herd with tiny party hats on- placed all around 😭😭😭

Lambert probably threw several tantrums and sold his soul to the devil to make it tbh

Which like, makes it all that worse because 1. He can not leave the cake behind to run away. 2. There is no way he can convince anyone that it isn't a cake for Eskel's birthday party. There is a lil candy made Eskel holding a baby Lil Bleater on top of fucks sake. So yeah. He needs not only sneak himself out but also the cake???

CUE CAKE HEIST

Somehow, through very dangerous and needlessly complex ways, Geralt and Jaskier help Lambert sneak out of his own bakery while also stealing the cake.

Some random high lights:

- They try and leave numerous ways. All fail. Even the weird ways. Like out Lambert's window on the second floor. The mob is there. Waiting.

-Jaskier's plan is to just have Geralt take off his shirt. The crowd is unimpressed.

-Jaskier goes feral. Calls the crowd a bunch of names/insults their whole family tree/gets into actual fist fight over someone saying they think Eskel has better abs.

-Geralt goes to help Lambert, but is constantly being hissed at because he is making the cake wobbly/not holding it right

- Jaskier + Horny Mob + ??? = Profit!!

- Actually no. It escalates to wild chase scene, a fire and three buildings being demolished. No one is hurt because they are all running around after this one feral bard

- Lambert: Aren't you worried if they catch him?

Geralt: No. I'm more worried for them. Jaskier is a biter.

Lambert: Gross. You better have all your shots, Geralt. I don't want to explain to Papa V you died getting feral bard rabies.

Geralt: *jerks the cake a lil*

Lambert: I will bake you into a fucking PIE

*Meanwhile Eskel is having a sort of off day, no one has showed up for the party yet except Vesemir and Ciri. Which like, he probably hates his birthday, hates making a big fuss but wonders what his brothers are up to, you know?

Eskel: Maybe they forgot?

Vesemir: *looking towards the town that is literally on fire* ...they'll be here soon.

Eventually, the boys show up, with the cake perfectly intact! - I mean, yeah. Geralt is missing a shirt, Jaskier is covered in blood and Lambert has a black eye but hey! Cake!

Eskel has a great birthday after all, and gives Lil Bleater a taste of his cake and tells Lambert he's proud of him -which 100% will make him cry and hug Eskel so hard that rib bones will possibly be fractured. Followed by a group hug because everyone needs and deserves them.

[thebibliomancer]

Shadows of the Dark Crystal liveblog pt 11

Shadows of the Dark Crystal by J. M. Lee because I want Naia and Kylan to have a relaxing chapter.

Last times on book: Naia is on a journey to Ha’rar to defend her brother against accusations of treason. She is joined by the Song Teller Kylan who is on his way to Stone-in-the-Wood and wants to prove that the Hunter is real. Kylan and Naia fall down a hole, find that the vein of darkened crystals has spread to Spriton lands, and narrowly escape from a darkened ruffnaw.

Chapter 13

Kylan and Naia find a bridge out so the only option is to go through the Spooky Woods at night. Wait, really? The only option??

The next day after the cave adventure, Naia learns that not all mountains are the same mountains and in fact many are geographically different. Then she punches Kylan for laughing at her about it.

Friendship!

Otherwise she’s very excited about getting to the river. Finally, some actual moisture!

I-I think Naia doesn’t know what sand is?

Naia was ever thankful for the shoes Maudra Mera had given her. As the grasses gave way to drier weeds and shrubs, the earth became salty and golden. Walking it barefoot, or even in her first set of bark sandals, would have made the journey near impossible.

She’s never seen sand!

Kylan: “There used to be dozens of [Podling] communities, all throughout the area. But their numbers have been dwindling, and many families end up living with Spriton communities when their colonies become too few. Some say it’s poor crops.”

But Naia and Kylan look around the the bountiful land and think ‘doubt’

Kylan blames the Hunter which seems likely actually if he just kills random Gelfling in their homes at night. But this is also the point where the darkening starts affecting crops, right?

Could be a combination of failing crops and a dude going around killing people at random. Both could lead to smaller comunities congregating together to pool resources and for protection.

Apparently Kylan is like a noble goat because he takes to climbing the ridge on the way to the river even more nimbly than Naia.

They reach eyeshot of the river just as the Great Sun is setting.

“The Black River,” [Naia] said. A smile came over her face. “We’re so close! We’ll build a raft and ride it all the way to Ha’rar. Are there any falls?”

“Ha! How would I know?” Kylan asked. “This is new to me too!”

“No songs about Jarra-Jen and the Black RIver?” Naia was teasing, but when he shook his head, she felt some disappointment.

See, now you wish he had a song for every occasion.

When the two reach the ravine they find that the bridge has been broken. And there’s no way across the ravine without it. Naia is disappointed because she really wanted to make it to the river and stick her feet in it.

“Naia kicked a pebble over the side of the cliff and tugged at her locs. If only she had wings! Yet there was nothing at her back but soreness and a heavy traveling pack that would probably weigh her down too much to make the crossing, even if she had been able to fly.”

There’s a lot of Naia angsting over not having her wings yet in this book which makes me think that its got to either end with her getting them or deciding that she doesn’t need to hurry to grow up. And I dunno, I don’t think wings just come in like FWOOP so I think acceptance is more likely?

How does that even work though? Do they just push through the skin? Do the Gelfling... molt? I wanna know!

On their way backtracking down the cliff, Kylan stops at a boulder to do some dream-etching. Because he can just lay on hands and write on a boulder. So cool.

Because he’s the good best boy, Kylan wrote a warning to other travelers about the bridge being out. Naia doesn’t point out that most Gelfling couldn’t read.

They can’t?!

No, I guess the Skeksis wouldn’t encourage literacy programs. They prefer the Gelfling dumb.

Since they had to detour, now Kylan and Naia are traveling in the dark. Naia feeds Neech the shoulder eel some glow moss and he starts glowing after only a few moments!

That’s cool! And a remarkably quick metabolism!

Kylan be like ‘i gotta write this down later’ ha

Apparently the detour is taking them through the Dark Wood, which Tavra specifically warned Naia not to go through and which Naia is now pointedly ignoring in favor of making up for lost time.

Kylan is nervous and thinks it would be better to wait for daylight. Naia tells him WWJJD? What Would Jarra-Jen Do?

“I don’t know if you were listening, but the Dark Wood at night is when Jarra-Jen met the Hunter and was chased until he had to leap off a cliff into the Black River,” Kylan retorted.

Heh.

But Naia points out that Jarra-Jen was alone and they aren’t. And Kylan concedes that if he avoids ever seeing the Hunter, he’ll never be able to confront him.

As a Drenchen and a Spriton, and of course as Gelfling, neither Naia nor her friend were unfamiliar with forests.

They get mad racial bonuses. Simply ludicrous.

But the Dark Forest is a thing unto itself.

The strong pillars of ebony bark and dark turquoise leaves were interrupted only by thick brush, shrubs, spiny rocks, and flowering land corals with huge white night blossoms. The earth was padded with layers and layers of leaves and moss, rippling over the forms of the ever-present roots that sometimes arched from the land in swooping forms that created hoops and arches under which they walked.

Naia asks Kylan if his bard-brain knows the name of a vine root and he suggests she just ask. The vine. And brings back up the conversation re: her dreamfasting with not-Gelfling.

She tells him that it never happened until recently but she’s sometimes had trouble controlling her dreamfasting. Gasp! Possible protagonist power! All along she thought she was bad at control but really she had a secret gift!

Also, is this related to how Kira formed an angry mob of animals and had them swarm the Scientist? I thought that she just learned Beastmaster.

Also also, she wasn’t touching any of them so, no, probably unrelated.

The two Gelfling hear a low eerie moan in the forest which spooks the glowy flowers until they close up. Naia hides Neech so his glowy doesn’t give them away.

In the darkness, something huge and serpentine pushes through the forest.

Kylan backed up against Naia and they stood together, breathing in sync. When Kylan’s fingers snaked around Naia’s wrist, she tried to brush him away.

“Don’t grab me now. I need to be able to move.”

Kylan jumped, moving away from her, though the warm grasp on her wrist only tightened. Voice piqued with surprise, he said, “I’m not...”

Oooooooooooo what a spooky! This chapter and the last I missed out not reading on Halloween!

What really grabbed Naia was a cluster of tendrils which yanks her into the air and tosses her through the forest from tree to tree, separating her from Kylan

=O

And then they just drop her. Rude.

No sooner had she regained her footing than she heard something rushing toward her. She ran as roots and branches lunged for her, scratching her arms and legs in their attempt to catch hold of her once more. Her ears burned as a flock of hollerbats burst from within a knotted old tree trunk, screeching and flapping their clawed wings as they thrashed past, but she couldn’t stop to curse them. She knew she was running deeper and deeper into the wood, but she had no other choice. If she stopped, she would be caught, devoured by the Dark Wood.

She’s getting the full Night in a Spooky Wood experience and I am here for it. And here for feeling bad for her. Geez. Poor Naia.

Hopelessly separated from Kylan she decides to head towards the Black River in hopes that he’ll think the same thing and they can meet up there.

But as she walks, she sense the presence of something lying in wait at the center of the Dark Wood. Something... off.

Yes, the Dark Wood sang the song of Thra, but notes were off-key, as if it had forgotten parts, or was too distracted -- too disturbed -- to fall back into tune.

Very evocative! Very unnerving...

Then someone calls her name.

The voice paralyzed her, a wisp of cold air tickling the backs of her arms. She turned toward it, wary in disbelief but unable to deny what all her senses were telling her. A Gelfling boy stepped out of the tree cover, exactly her age, with matching clay-colored skin marked with Drenchen spots and speckles. his locs hung at his shoulders, and he wore a beautifully embroidered black-and-violet soldier’s uniform. Naia’s breath was stuck in her throat, her heart leaping.

It was Gurjin.

??????????

[theworldbrewery]

A playlist for my current party: 4 idiots + their honorary cult grandma, four with new names and one with someone else’s--god I love them. they requested a playlist breakdown so i’ve placed it under a cut for brevity. I’m always soft for making fan content for the campaigns I’m in tbh.

Alice: an elf-turned half-orc after a reincarnate spell went awry, her wild magic caused her marriage to fall apart when she accidentally burned down her home. She’s looking for control over the magic that is ruining her life.

Remmy: a man of many names, Remmy is an aasimar cleric with more secrets than even the other party members are aware of. He’s untrusting and full of fear, but the party gets him to open up--against his better judgment.

Gadao: an earth genasi from an isolated monastery, he’s looking for an identity of his own after realizing he may not be an incarnation of an ancestral spirit after all. Looking for his place in the world, the party’s fast-paced life contrasts with his steady nature.

Leap: an elderly tiefling ranger, she grew up in a cult of pain and left it only by good fortune. Her taste for adventure--and a need for closure--keep her on the road, though she looks forward to seeing her family again.

Blue: an aarakocra bard, Blue awoke with no memory and promptly joined a shady merchant vessel as a good-luck musician. They’re always down to fight, curious, and ready to hoard as many items as they can get their hands on.

Anger | Sleeping at Last

I love the way this song opens, the energy it has. Favorite lyrics are “it all spills out/reckless but honest words leave my mouth,” which maybe speaks to my love of intra-party conflict… but I also have a soft spot for “and suddenly I’m someone that prays/last-minute man of faith” given the campaign’s attention to the divine. I’ve really loved leaning into that. It feels like this song has threads that connect to every character.

Hellfire | Barns Courtney

God, I love the chorus to this song. I feel that in this party, Leap and Remmy have the strongest links in these lyrics, between Leap’s simmering fury at her cult and Remmy’s...everything. There’s a period of the song that isn’t quite an instrumental, but has sort of mangled lyrics/rap, and though I can’t quite make it out, one bit sounds like “roll the dice” -- a fun nod to D&D as a whole and the risk-takers among the party.

Blood I Bled | The Staves

My favorite lyric here is “raise your banners and ride to war/throwing ‘round your name.” This song feels like a challenge to the world, suitable for a group of adventurers just forming a party. The singers and songwriters mention the song as one of “no, I won’t take this bullshit,” and that strong message really speaks to the PCs.

Hustler | Zayde Wølf

Hustler is all about coming out on top, and y’all are “turning up the heat” all the time. “Looking at the city like I already own it” feels like a foreshadowing moment to me; one day, when you all are level 10, 15, 20, you might reach an unmatchable power, if you live long enough to see it. 

Homemade Dynamite | Lorde

I chose this song for the absolute clusterfuck D&D parties can be. “Don’t know you super well/but I think that you might be the same as me/Behave abnormally” encapsulates something really funny about party members getting to know each other and start to trust each other, even when the rule might still be “I’ll give you my best side, tell you all my best lies,” and your secrets and private problems haven’t yet come to light.

Nervous | X Ambassadors

The chorus of foreboding in “cause what comes up must come down”  is, how do I put this? Iconique. I think this song especially fits Leap and Alice, both of whom are aware of how quickly things can go awry but put a cheerful face on their own worries. Even when nothing’s wrong (“and I can’t complain, it’s amazing”) they know things could go south quickly.

An Act of Kindness | Bastille

This song best fits Leap and Gadao’s relationship, especially when they met. “Oh I got a feeling this will shake me down/Oh I’m kind of hoping this will turn me round” seems to speak directly to Gadao pulling Leap away from the cult and giving her the opportunity to be better than she was. On another level, the party’s bonds are born from acts of kindness and friendship--Remmy buying lorebooks for Alice, Leap making tea, Gadao stepping in to defend the party from the mimic.

Everybody Wants to Rule the World | Lorde

Despite the name, this has something for everyone, I think. “Turn your back on Mother Nature” suits Alice’s vendetta against the Forest Father, “Help me make the most of freedom/and of pleasure” fits Blue’s brand of hedonism, “It’s my own remorse” echoes Leap’s regrets. Gadao alone doesn’t quite fit in here...unless… >:)

Kicks | Barns Courtney

This is a Blue song! “I’ll show you how to live for free” the artist sings, and Blue’s freewheeling lifestyle seeking “kicks” matches this energy really well. If Blue is “a wild one” “singing in the midnight street,” they’re getting their kicks with this party for sure. Blue lives without being tied down, theoretically limitless. 

Hail to the Victor | Thirty Seconds to Mars

This song is about Leap, no question. “Another life, another love/another kill, another drug” fits into Leap’s two lives, one in the cult and one out of it. And in this new mission against Babylon Lionel, she’s seeking a revenge of her own, though it’s one against her childhood more than her actual enemy.

I’m a Wanted Man | Royal Deluxe

Remmy “would kill again to keep from doing time,” without a doubt, so this one’s for him. Constantly warning he’s trouble for his friends, saying that “you should never ever trust my kind” isn’t too far off. Like Remmy, this song is edgy, but with a hesitant moment of emo-ness that makes the performance of darkness something a little more genuine.

Big God | Florence and the Machine

Alice is not a faithful woman, but she’s unfortunately entangled in some religious nonsense she hates. At the same time, I feel lyrics like “you’ll always be my favorite ghost” refer best to Alice’s fraught relationship with her wife. My favorite line here is “Sometimes I think it’s getting better/and then it gets much worse,” which is essentially Alice’s experience of her wild magic. Deep down, she might even be drawn to the magic’s chaos, but she can’t help but resent what it’s taking away from her.

Wisdom, Justice, and Love | Linkin Park

This one’s for Gadao. It starts off so peaceful and hopeful, the instrumentals overlaid with a speech by Martin Luther King, Jr. But as he starts to list the evils of the world, King’s voice, so steady and confident, is warped. Gadao’s own faith experience becomes warped by the power games of the people around him, and even as he’s seeking “wisdom, justice, and love,” he can’t escape the effects of materialism and violence around him.

Icarus | Bastille

Some folks live steady lives, but not these people. Adventurer’s lives tend to burn bright, hot, and short. From Leap’s perspective, most of the party is made of kids who don’t know the world yet. Are they “digging their own grave,” “too close to the sun?” Despite their ride-or-die commitments, Leap can see all of you risking yourselves--and for what? Who do you want to be, at the end of it all? A wife and mason? A sage and monk? Or do you want greater things than that?

Losing My Religion | Dia Frampton

I can hear so much of Remmy’s opinions in this song, saying “I’m choosing my confessions, trying to keep an eye on you” but realizing, over and over again: “Oh no, I’ve said too much.” As he tries to keep up his own facades, Gadao and Leap’s own faith collides with the beliefs of a cult leader and Alice struggles with a religion she doesn’t care for at all.

Start a War | Klergy and Valerie Broussard

Like Hail to the Victor, this song is all about Leap’s conflict with the cult of Loviatar and the Mother of Martyrs. Even though the Loviatar cult might be gone, the spirit lives on. My favorite line for Leap here is “bang, shots fired/pain is what you desire,” for the decision to challenge Babs to a one-on-one fight. But is it Babs who is starting this war, or Leap?

Friction | Imagine Dragons

This one kind of gives me Gadao vibes with the lyrics “when you’ve made it/won’t you tell me what to do?” After all that pressure to fulfill the expectations of other people, he has to get out of the middle and move on, maybe even become someone new. Key line is “why can’t you let go/like a bird in the snow/this is no place to build your home,” reminding Gadao that he doesn’t have a place in this world. Not yet.

Transcendental Youth | the mountain goats

“Sing, sing for ourselves alone,” sings John Darnielle, and maybe that’s what makes this feel so much like Blue. Maybe it’s the lyric, “cedar smudge our headbands/and take to the skies/soar ever upwards,” calling to Blue’s dislocation from time and place, flying away from their problems. Blue doesn’t remember their childhood, and has no idea how old they are. Even if they did know, their lifespan is short. They live every day like the halcyon days of youth, footloose and fancy-free indeed.

Champion | Barns Courtney

I swear this is the last Barns Courtney song. But this song is the resilience of coming through fights and perils and dangers. My favorite lyric is “Oh, Lord, save my soul/take my pain and turn it into gold” which, incidentally, is exactly what happens when you level up. The party’s struggles translate to strength, to influence, to skill, and even riches.

In the Woods Somewhere | Hozier

On the one hand, this could be about any combat in the dark woods at night (*cough*, Remmy killing that dragonborn, *cough*). But more importantly, this song is about Alice. She struggles with a power she doesn’t understand, with something’s eyes on her that she can’t fight. The best she can do is run from the danger and try to survive it. Whatever eyes are watching her now, Alice better take care. Favorite line? “I clutched my life/and wished it kept/my dearest love/I’m not done yet.”

Natural | Imagine Dragons

Natural tells the party one way of surviving. The line “you gotta be so cold/to make it in this world” suits Remmy’s outlook so well, the one he pushes at the rest of the party. The line “rather be the hunter than the prey” speaks well to Blue’s tactics--preferring to act from above. Alice and Leap know better than anyone that “nothing ever comes without a consequence or cost,” and Gadao may be the only one ‘holding the line’ against a harder heart. Another song with bits and pieces associated with everyone.

Dead Hearts | Stars

There isn’t a specific lyric here that jumps out at me, no line that tells me who this song is for. This is the song for the ones who die--those who have, and who will. We might not be there yet, but this is a song for acknowledging the sacrifice of your friends and allies. The knowledge that you knew them once, and in some ways, their ghost stays with you. Or maybe they’re revived, or reincarnated, but there’s always something a little different.

The Projectionist | Sleeping at Last

Eventually the session ends, and the story closes, and the lights come up. “We’re leaving our shadows behind us now/we’re leaving, we’re leaving it all behind for now,” Ryan O’Neill sings. We’re putting on costumes, telling a story for each other, and maybe the game ends every time, but maybe it makes us brave. I’d like to think so. 

The lyrics to all these songs can be found at Genius.com. Thanks xx

[ceescedasticity]

All right now I am going to talk about the playlist I made for 0k

BECAUSE I WANT TO THAT’S WHY

Family Ties-Parting Comrades — SubVision and Guy Gross — Farscape the Original Soundtrack: This is the approaching-the-conscription-platform song. Fear and trepidation but not overwhelmingly so; hoping for the best but preparing for the worst.

R.I.P. Everyone — JJ Demon — Funeral Disco: …Well not EVERYONE.

Even in Death — Homestuck — Homestuck Vol. 7: At the Price of Oblivion: In-comic this was a dream bubble tour; represents ghosts, basically.

Prince of Darkness — Indigo Girls — Indigo Girls: The Fleet. "Someone's on the telephone, desperate in his pain / Someone's on the bathroom floor, doin' her cocaine / Someone's got his finger on the button in some room / No one can convince me / We aren't gluttons for our doom"

Terezi's Theme — Homestuck — AlterniaBound: …Yeah this is just Terezi.

This Year — The Mountain Goats — The Sunset Tree: "I am gonna make it through this year if it kills me"

Gold Pilot — Homestuck — coloUrs and mayhem: Universe A: Sollux in particular and helmsmen in general.

Merchant of Death — Ramin Djawadi — Iron Man (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack): The Fleet.

World So Cold — 12 Stones — Anthem for the Underdog: The Fleet. "It starts with pain / Followed by hate / Fueled by the endless questions / No one can answer"

Demons — Imagine Dragons — Night Visions: The Fleet. "When your dreams all fail / and the ones we hail / are the worst of all / and the blood's run stale"

Violence and Variations — Bear McCreary — Battlestar Galactica Season 3: More Fleet.

What a Scene — The Goo Goo Dolls — Gutterflower: SURVIVING the Fleet. "How does it feel when you're out on your own / And now it's too late to come home / And it's hard to be free when you're down on your knees / Take it easy till you make it alone"

Teal Hunter — Homestuck — coloUrs and mayhem: Universe A: …You know what let's call this 'taking down Overbear'.

You're Gonna Go Far, Kid — The Offspring — Rise and Fall, Rage and Grace: Surviving the Fleet. "With a thousand lies / And a good disguise / Hit 'em right between the eyes". …This also describes taking down Overbear actually. He never knew what hit him.

Pieces — Red — End of Silence: It's easier with friends. "I come to you in pieces / So you can make me whole"

Flawed Design — Stabilo: This isn't so much our main characters, but a hell of a lot of other people surviving troll adulthood. "And I will turn off / And I will shut down / Burying the voices of my conscience hitting ground" AND also "Cause I lie / Not because I want to / But I seem to need to all the time"… among other segments.

Purple Bard — Homestuck — coloUrs and mayhem: Universe A: Not so much Gamzee in particular as the Terrifying Ghost Army in general as it progresses… but also Gamzee.

Fight Inside — Red — Innocence & Instinct: In case anyone has forgotten how awful the Fleet is. "What I fear and what I've tried / Words I say and what I hide"

Blindness — Metric — Fantasies: "Tell the survivors help is on the way" and also "What it is and where it stops nobody knows / you gave me a life I never chose"

Battle of Naraj — Brian Tyler — Children of Dune: Troll civilization sure is creepy and sad.

Indigo Heir — Homestuck — coloUrs and mayhem: Universe A: Mostly not Equius in particular…

Through It All — Spoken — Illusion: "And through it all / We've been thrown into the fire / We've been lost in the flame / But we will rise from the ashes again / All our heart's have been broken / We've been burned by the flame / But we will rise from the ashes again"

Teal Seer — Homestuck — coloUrs and mayhem: Universe A: They're really starting to get a handle on this whole thing.

Sail — AWOLNATION — Megalithin Symphony: You know I don't have any lyrics to cite for this one it's just the sound.

Even in Death (T'Morra's Belly Mix) — Homestuck — Homestuck Vol. 8: Ghosts. TERRIFYING. GHOST. ARMY.

Still Worth Fighting For — uhhh, there are several versions of this, any of them's probably fine: "Now that we know just who we are / Now that we've finally come this far / I'm ready for one more battle scar / ‘Cause this is still worth fighting for"

Virgin Orb — Toby "Radiation" Fox — Alternia: The Matriorb.

Get the Party Started — Shirley Bassey, specifically this version — Get the Party Started: This could be a necropath anthem

Parachute — Ingrid Michaelson — Parachute: "if I've got you, I don't need a parachute" …and also "I don't tell anyone about the things that we have planned" 

From the Inside — Hollow Point Heroes — Hollow Point Heroes: "Times change, people change more / Know your self and we will win this war" and also "We're gunna change your mind / Look inside yourself / And find hate, find fear / Your life is over here"

Radioactive — Imagine Dragons — Night Visions: "Welcome to the new age, to the new age" Nothing's going to be the same again.

Alternia — Homestuck — AlterniaBound: Hope for the future.