#8 am catharsis

[peitalo]

cheese cipher before and after i beat him to death with a pair of tongs

[cass-burger]

ooooh boy i’m regressing

[buttercuparry]

...

Listen if you think Indian tv soaps have a feminist aspect because you see a woman scheming...I am sorry but nah...that's not it.

I mean: like the protagonist who would start off as this independent woman will always somehow end up in an unwanted marriage? And she will have to go through literal mental exhaustion and torture before like finding some sort of happiness? And like the other MC, the male ( because in Indian TV there is no other concept than heteronormativity) will have either forced the marriage, or have been forced to marry, or something else and will start out hating this female character 80% of the time. And in every single soap opera somehow love would bloom and win like ????? Ajfjkjklk hello???

And like the MC who had dreams of her own would now only be concerned with untangling family intrigues like bye bye my career, here lemme be decked 24/7, trying to survive multiple attacks on my life and verbal abuse but no I won't raise my voice because I am sanskari as fuck ( sanskari as in having traditional values).

And like you have only one kind of woman as MCs: the one who conforms to society. Like they are people who don't party, who aren't capable of any baser thoughts, who don't pursue male "shamelessly". I mean....??????

Also there's no female friendship on Indian TV. You would see the vamp ( the villain) usually a woman who was a prev love interest to the man- being ridiculously toxic? And she is completely opposite of the MC ( parties, wears risque clothes, conniving, selfish, ambitious, has no sanskar aka traditional values, and lusting after the main man- aka has sexual desire). Like they would destroy their own career to ruin the lives of the couple. There is no feminist catharsis what the fuck. Like I know I maybe shading here: but if you think Alicent/Rhaenyra should have been more like Indian soap opera characters to give it that edge, then oh boy.

I mean yes women are the best upholders of patriarchy and that should have been more strongly portrayed in HoTD since Alicent's character demands so...but this example looked so out of place that I had to write this down.

[shikai-the-storyteller]

This past week and a half has literally just been me @ me like "Maybe if you sit down and watch Pluto for a while you'll calm down."

[boysnberriespie]

The Terror animatic set to Sun Bleached Flies by Ethel Cain…

[bengiyo]

Ben's Big BL Blurb 3: Blue Canvas of Youthful Days Blew It, But I Still Recommend It

I finished Blue Canvas of Youthful Days today, and I don’t like where we left off with this show. Let’s get into that, and then check in on some of the other shows I’m watching.

Blue Canvas of Youthful Days Didn’t Give the Audience Catharsis

I don’t begrudge the show going for a happy ending, given how so many other BLs from their home country end with sudden traumatic turns. However, I don’t feel like we got catharsis from the ending at all. I struggle to full articulate my frustration here, but I think I just really wanted an ending akin to Weekend (2011) or Gameboys 2 (2022).

I think these two were in a position where they were unable to be together now, and I think they should have ended on a separation. When Cairo and Gav had to separate at the end of Gameboys, it was the correct choice. They were still building their lives, and Gav wasn’t doing well on his on. Similarly, Blue Canvas established a scenario whereby Qi Lu did not have the power to stop his father from harming Qin Xiao. Likewise, Qin Xiao couldn’t keep the local gang from beating Qi Lu.

I would have preferred they have the boys confront that they were hiding things from each other, and how they both failed to protect each other from the horrors. I am disappointed that we didn’t get a poignant goodbye from them as they accept that they can’t be together right now. I wouldn’t have minded so much a blurb at the end of the show with the pitch for a season 2 that they didn’t get to film (though @thisonelikesaliens commentary makes even what they wrote dour). We didn’t confront the issue with the dad at all, and we didn’t deal with Qin Xiao losing all he’d worked for.

Genuinely, I would have been okay with them getting a tag at the end of the show with them seeing each other on the street again and sharing a meaningful look. However, we never saw them face the music of their double noble idiocy, and that sucks. It especially sucks because we had Let Free The Curse of Taekwondo this year, and so we saw the consequences of this. We could have had these two railing against the world and promising to see each other again. The tag at the end of the reuse of the fantasy sequence feels tacked on and unearned. That kinda sucks more.

Final Verdict: 8, Recommended With Reservations. I really liked most of this show, and I think they wrote some phenomenal characters until the finale here. Like @lurkingshan I ended up not pleased with this ending. I am disappointed in the lack of resolution about the withholding, and I think they needed to face the separation and goodbye. However, I really liked the cast, and I respect the team that worked so hard to get this to us.

On to the rest of the show, presented in no particular order…starting with the worst. I’ll put in parentheses what episode number I’m on as of this post.

Haunted Hearts is Boring (5/7)

Magic, mah friend! Your show is boring. I do not know why these boys won’t kiss, and at this point I feel like I don’t care anymore. They’re introducing yet another ghost next week and I just am so disinvested. I try so hard every time to support Oxin Films and Regal Entertainment, but they make it so fucking hard. Holy shit. There’s only so far the boys being cute can carry a thin concept like this.

City of Stars is Better Than I Expected (2/12)

I am catching up on this show. The acting isn’t great, but I’m really enjoying a lot of what’s happening here. I will report back when I finish.

See Your Love is Fun But Kinda Weird (7/13)

The visuals are great in this show, and the leads are filling in the aesthetic gap left behind by Jimmy and Tommy in a way that really works for me. There’s been way too many pratfalls in the last two episodes. We are at 1.5 pratfalls per episode at this point. The side couple is absolutely ridiculous. I’m having fun.

Caged Again is Becoming a Favorite (4/10)

Junior is the best protagonist of the year. I’m obsessed with this penguin boy. I love the way this show uses its supernatural elements to drive its storytelling forward, even if I think the plot got a little silly in episode 4. The friend group dynamics are so fun, and I haven’t enjoyed a group of Thai boys this much since Knock Knock, Boys! (no surprise, two of them are in this show, too).

Your Sky is a Weekly Delight (3/12)

The 2gether rewrite show is great, and I will be reading no commentary to the contrary. These boys are so great, and they are one of the best couples of the year. This show is doing fake dating in a way that’s just so excellent, because it’s real dating! The boys are genuinely trying to get know each other so they can pretend to be a better fake couple. This is so close to being excellent meta commentary about dating in the digital age, and how so much of dating for the current generation is about how others perceive the validity of your relationship. It’s actually so fun to watch a show where the characters are doing all the things you’re supposed to do when you’re trying to build something with someone, but one of them doesn’t fully understand what they’ve gotten into. This show is great, and I love it.

Love in the Air: Koi no Yokan is so Slick (5/10)

If there’s one thing a Japanese drama is going to get right it’s trauma! This show delivered on Kai’s horrors in a way that was so visceral that I needed to pause and catch a breath. I remain obsessed with the casting of Nagatsuma Reo as Kai, because he’s taller than Suzuki Asahi sometimes. I really love that they didn’t give us the BL height difference trope, and I like that they didn’t style Kai in a way to make him look more feminine. There’s a egalitarian physical balance between Fuma and Kai that I find extremely refreshing, considering the massive class, wealth, and suffering gap between the two characters. It’s no surprise that we’ve had a dearth of gifs of their sex scene, considering it doesn’t play to the kind of asymmetric aesthetics that folks seem enjoy in their pairings.

As always, the Rei and Kai friendship remains one of the best parts of this story, and I like the way this version of Sky talks to this version of Rain about the queer stuff. He feels like he’s being careful with his friend, and not just ghosting him on important conversations about his friend’s sexual awakening (one of my major gripes with the original Thai adaptation).

Our Youth is Taking Over My Brain (4/11)

I have not moved on from the “Infect me” line, and I am still obsessed with the plausible deniability of the “no homo” that Hirukawa relies upon as he continues to pursue Minase. Now that Minase has reached his breaking point, I’m so looking forward to seeing where we go next. We’re due for a major separation, and I’m ready for a Japanese BL to not fuck up a second chance romance attempt this time. Perhaps adapting Korean work could the solution?

Spare Me Your Mercy is a Welcome Return to the Sammon Feeling I Enjoy (1/10)

I just really love when Sammon shows feel like the mystery matters more than the romance, and this feels like it’s in the correct space. I loved the initial setup, and the potential for there to be multiple murderers. I really hope that they start killing younger people in this show, because they said there were only 40 palliative care patients, and we downed three of them in the first episode. I’m so happy to see JJ again, and Tor looks great. I am looking forward to the weekly watch and theorizing with this show. Most importantly, I’m looking forward to the complex meditation on euthanasia, which this story feels like it’s taking seriously.

Love is Like a Poison Finally has Given Us a BL Battle Couple Again (11/12)

We haven’t had a BL battle couple in what feels like forever. I love that this show continues to reward us for believing in Haruto and Shiba. Haruto’s dad is the absolute worst, and I really want him to lose. I love Shiba, and I love that the show continues to give him some of the visual tropes of a legal drama (like the pan up near the end). I’m in love with this show, and it’s going to be one of my favorites of the year, I’m sure.

Fragrance You Inherit Hurts Me Because Everyone is Doing The Right Thing (4/8)

This show is actually so painful sometimes, because no one is doing anything wrong. Everyone is being as emotionally honest as they can be with everyone they speak to about all of the things that are going on. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with Sakura choosing to let go of her lingering crush on Mone now that they’re both moms and their kids are dating. Besides, we presume that Mone is still married! The conversation with On-chan makes me think that Mone misunderstood the relationship Sakura had with him in college (My man is ace but not aro! We love to see it).

I just really love that everyone is trying to do right by everyone around them, and I think all of the things that remain unspoken in this show have been withheld for completely valid reasons. There are no villains in this story, and that makes it even harder to watch really kind people treat each other politely in every scene. I’m just feeling a quiet scream in me the entire time I watch a good son by a thoughtful gift for his loving mother with the help of his supportive and lovely girlfriend, as he prepares a surprise from the old friend who clearly still cares about her friend and the unrequited/unexpressed feelings between them. This show is incredible. Go watch it right now. Thank you again to @isaksbestpillow.

Conclusion

That’s more shows than I’ve been watching in a while. It’s nice to have some Thai shows back in my rotation that I’m actually enjoying. I really want the Chinese to now fuck up their endings, but it seems like 2024 will not be that year. I’ll try to check in with the end of Love is Like a Poison when the Netflix release schedule completes so folks can binge it then. In the mean time, let me know what you’re enjoying, and what else I should consider picking up.

[darkcircles4lyfe]

I've given it some thought--

Now, if you've read any of my posts and you've read 430, you know there are a lot of ways it falls short of what I wanted. On the other hand, I can respect an open ending, one where we are allowed and encouraged to dream. All things considered, I'm not satisfied or disappointed, but a secret third thing... bear with me.

For a lot of storylines, I can fill in the blanks how I want.

I'm heartbroken over Himiko's fate, but there's no denying that the lack of camera footage leaves open the possibility of her simply disappearing. Perhaps she is waiting in hiding for the world to change, just like Lady Nagant.

Dr. Yoshida is described as someone who can cure the incurable. That may be referring to Katsuki, but the doctor himself said it's a complete mystery how he survived, all Katsuki's own doing. Maybe he cured someone else in those 8 years... someone like Touya?

Honestly I got nothing on Tenko but who knows. Who knows! Something something OFA connection. Izuku having vestige visions. Idk.

As for the manner in which society is changing, I'm drawn to Shouji's speech: "I'm dedicating the honor to those who joined the uprising eight years ago. All I've done is stand atop the resolve that they demonstrated to the world, nothing more." That at least tells me his earlier judgment of the other heteromorphs "setting them back" was a narrow point of view Shouji was supposed to grow out of, rather than a way of Horikoshi trying to criticize revolutionaries. In general, just because a character says something doesn't mean we're supposed to take it as gospel. That's lit crit 101, people.

Then there's Izuku. Once again I am feeling this pretty close to home. I keep coming back to the fact that the class is 24/25 now and I'm 25, man. On top of that, anyone else who was 14/15 ten years ago when the manga started gets to feel like we've all grown up together. I wanted catharsis for Izuku's trauma so badly. I wanted words. But I can't deny that the way Izuku is shown attempting to make the best of things and be content with a humbler life resonates with me, as painful as it is, as much as I know deep down he's kidding himself. It doesn't surprise me that he kept his walls up all this time and continued to shun his "selfishness."

I almost feel like there's an all-encompassing narrative theme being expressed here, in the fact that Izuku was trying to push past his pain and focus on the next generation, but surprise, his story's not over yet. I think the implied message there is that more can be done in the here and now, and maybe other stories that seem to be over, aren't.

With these things in mind, I can take the ending in stride, even if this is all the more we get from Horikoshi. However. There's one thing that is jolting me out of my peace every time I start to get comfortable here. It's actually related to the storyline that got the most closure.

I've seen a lot of fellow bkdk enjoyers calling their conclusion the best part of the ending, and I agree with that. They got a truly full circle moment, and a way of communicating to the reader that they're together, they have their forever, in a way that is personal to them. It's not "canon" in the way a kiss or a confession is, but I've said it before--this makes sense for them. And Horikoshi also did something legitimately interesting and groundbreaking by not making Ochako confess, not showing her future being tied to the main character as a love interest.

No, the thing that's bugging me is a seemingly small detail: why does Izuku and Katsuki holding hands at the end, of all things, have to be implied? Lots of things about 430 make sense in the context of the interview Horikoshi recently gave where he expressed being content with what he has drawn, and what he has left to the imagination. But not this. You can't convince me he didn't want to draw this. It's a motherfucking story about hands. This is the one thing I was 110% certain would happen. It's been teased for forever. Katsuki clearly wanted it so bad. So many other characters got to hold Izuku's hand in-frame. What the hell. Why.

Idk. I will be thinking about it for the foreseeable future.

[laughhardrunfastbekindsblog]

Okay, my one and only major complaint about Bad Batch is that I don't think they handled Tech's death properly (I still don't think they should have killed him off at all, but here we are; and even if they intend(ed) to leave things open-ended to maybe bring him back later, the titular characters in the show wouldn't have known that); and with all the reasons I've seen floating out there as to WHY Tech's death was handled the way it was and why the characters reacted the way they did (or didn't), I just want to explain why none of the "reasons" cut it for me. If you're satisfied with how Tech was handled in season 3, I am genuinely happy for you (and lowkey jealous, ngl 😉). I've just been thinking about this a lot and need to spell it out!

Reason #1: "Why do we need to see more of the characters mourning? What we got was enough. We don't need a 2 hour episode that's all about the characters grieving." (Yes, someone actually used "2 hours" in their argument.)

Let's recap what we got: 1) A scene where Echo looks sadly at the Marauder's pilot seat, Wrecker actually sheds some tears (bless him), Omega's in denial, and Hunter tells Omega they're going to retire on Pabu because Tech is gone... followed up almost immediately by the villain dropping off broken goggles as the only proof that Tech was ever on Eriadu; 2) a scene where the audience is shown Tech's goggles but Hunter doesn't interact with them- instead, he looks at Lula, proving that his driving motivation is recovering Omega (which is fine when taken from the perspective that he can't do anything about Tech, whereas he can do something for Omega; but that perspective is ultimately just headcanon because the show never reiterates or follows up on this); 3) Wrecker alluding to Tech (not by name) to try to convince Hunter to be more cautious; 4) Omega name-dropping Tech (wait, does Crosshair even know what happened?... yay for context clues, I guess); 5) Echo name-dropping Tech in relation to data decryption with the team looking down sadly for 5 seconds (I timed it) before Crosshair changes the subject; 6) Phee name-dropping Tech in relation to her not knowing what m-count is; 7) Crosshair referring to Tech's information on Ventress; 8) Omega leaving Tech's goggles in the Archeum with none of her brothers around (hot take: it kinda bothers me that the goggles are given the same treatment as Lula, I totally understand the context/deeper meaning of Omega leaving her childhood behind by leaving Lula, but we're talking about the one relic they have of their fallen and irreplaceable brother being given the same emotional weight as a doll); 9) Phee referring to Tech having a discussion with her about Crosshair while Tech's goggles are in the background (and, noticeably, Crosshair doesn't react at all and just changes the subject back to needing a ship); 10) Crosshair says the squad died with Tech, Wrecker says Tech understood the risks, and that's that.

So, what we got was enough to establish that the characters were sad in the immediate aftermath of Tech's death, that some of them may have stayed sad about it all through season 3, and that the show didn't completely forget that Tech had been a main character at one point.

What we DON'T get is any real reference to what Tech meant to the family as an individual and a brother, any real indication of how the loss of Tech (distinct from the mission to save Omega) influences his family's actions or the story's overall narrative, any actual acknowledgement in the show of Tech's sacrifice having any meaning or the family moving past grief to express any form of gratitude for Tech's presence and influence on their lives, any reference to Tech having a true impact on 4 of his 5 siblings (Omega is the closest we get to witnessing Tech's continued influence on any of his siblings and even seeing that involves squinting/head tilts at times)... in other words, we get a few minutes of sadness, but never any catharsis. We see they miss him, but never does this truly inform the narrative or their decisions in season 3, AND it's left frustratingly vague where the characters are in the grieving process (more on that later).

Besides, no one (that I have come across, at least) was ever asking for a 2 hour episode. At most, Kanan got a 22-minute "eulogy" episode, and most of us aren't even asking for that. I'd have been at least minimally satisfied with a "Mayday moment" for Tech - and that scene lasted a grand total of 20 seconds. What would have been more satisfying would have been the show taking all those superficial name drops and converting at least a few of them into meaningful mentions indicating what Tech means to his brothers and/or how he continues to have an influence on his family and/or how his sacrifice is a motivating factor for them.

Reason #2: "There was no time."

Leaving aside the fact that there was apparently plenty of time and opportunity to make Tech (among others) a red herring...

Let's assume that the showrunners were not only told they only had 1 season left to wrap everything up, but were given highly specific time allotments for each episode to where they weren't allowed to add any scenes (I highly doubt this is what happened, but we're rolling with the "no time" thing here). You know what you do in that scenario when you're talking about something like following up on a main character's death that clearly has left your entire fanbase in an uproar? You MAKE time: you trim down the action scenes, you make the characters walk a little bit faster, you decide whether an extended scene of Echo giving Omega a crossbow that is never going to show up again is actually worth saving (I actually like the scene, by the way; just giving an example), you cut out a few of the extremely vague lines of dialogue Fennec and Asajj indulge in. What you DON'T do is kill off a beloved main character and then rely on convenient time lapses/time skips to just brush over all the fallout apart from a few name drops that do nothing to establish just how important said character was to the other characters in the show.

What's more, they could have EASILY included some true closure with ANY of the Tech name-drops/scenes that were already in the show. Have Hunter look at Tech's goggles before looking beyond them at Lula in 3.02. Have the brothers be present with Omega when she decides to leave Tech's goggles in the Archeum in 3.11. Have any of the brothers say one meaningful line about Tech while they're otherwise silently basking in the sunshine in the end scene on Pabu in 3.15!

Reason #3: "They're soldiers."

Of all the reasons given for why Tech's death was mishandled, I dislike this one the most. What does CF99 being soldiers have to do with the aftermath of Tech's death being reduced to perfunctory allusions? (If you want to get into the argument that soldiers in general have to figure out a way to "move on" and The Clone Wars didn't really spend any time on the clones processing losses after battles, let me just say I don't care for how this topic is covered in The Clone Wars either, and Bad Batch was a golden opportunity for the Star Wars franchise to move past this unfortunate trope.) Fallen soldiers in real life get memorials/funerals too, even if it's months after the battle. Fallen soldiers are honored and remembered by their families and those closest to them. If the show is trying to push the stereotype that soldiers move on from tragic deaths of comrades by being "stoic" and holding it all in and never talking about it, I strongly disagree with the perpetuation of this stereotype; and if the characters as soldiers actually DID grieve Tech in a healthy way, why didn't the show depict it?

Reason #4: "Star Wars writers don't know how to write meaningful scenes/payoff regarding death and characters dealing with death/loss."

The Bad Batch writers proved time and again how brilliant they are at writing emotional storylines with maximum payoff. Case in point: Mayday. Enough said (I'm writing too much on this general topic as it is).

Reason #5: "They got over it."

Maybe I'm reading things wrong, but a rather drastic change in behavior for one character (going from cautious and weighing all risks, to reckless and jumping headfirst into situations without proper backup), and another character including Tech's death as just one reason why he "deserves" to go on a suicide mission, does not read to me as the characters "getting over it." It reads to me as "avoidance behavior" and "continued internal conflict." (Granted, Hunter's more reckless behavior in season 3 likely had as much to do with the Omega situation as it did Tech's death, but the point still stands. And if the point DOESN'T still stand, then I've got even MORE issues with how this plotline was handled, so we'll just keep assuming it does.)

Furthermore, if the characters had truly "gotten over it," there shouldn't have been any hesitation or issue with them discussing and honoring Tech in meaningful ways.

Reason #6: "They DIDN'T get over it."

Right, and we ended the show that way, with no clear resolution to them actually coming to terms with Tech's death and honoring his memory. Great.

Reason #7: "Whatever. It's good Tech stayed dead. Tech's sacrifice meant something."

... Did it? Did it really? I mean, I know I say quite frequently that Tech's sacrifice is what made the happy ending possible for the others (because that's the only thought that got me through a rewatch of season 3). But the show, the narrative itself, certainly doesn't act like it really meant anything. Hunter says in the season 2 finale that they "weren't going to waste Tech's sacrifice" because they were going to retire on Pabu... and that discussion promptly gets forgotten and never brought up again, not even when the squad is trying to stay off the Empire's radar in season 3 after Omega returns. Never is there any discussion that "not wasting Tech's sacrifice" by hiding on Pabu to make sure no one else dies (a very understandable reaction, of course) also goes against the very mission Tech pushed for in the first place: rescuing Crosshair. Never do we hear Omega tell Crosshair, "Tech didn't give up on you, I'm not giving up on you, that's why you ARE going to escape with me." Never is there any talk about "Tech wanted us to live and stay together, so that is what we are going to do." Never is there any acknowledgement at the end of the show that they are all going to live in peace on Pabu because Tech made sure they could live.

The last half of season 4 of Rebels is full of references to Kanan's sacrifice actually meaning something and having direct tangible consequences not only for the family but for Lothal and the Rebellion. For one thing, the show itself literally spells out that the mission to shut down the Imperial factories on Lothal was actually a success because all the fuel reserves were destroyed - Kanan had died, but the mission had succeeded and directly led to the success of the bigger mission to completely free Lothal, and while this is very poor consolation for the loss of Kanan, at least the show openly acknowledged it. Kanan and his influence is also openly credited for Ezra foiling Palpatine's plans with the Jedi Temple and the WBW, Ezra learning to let go and again disrupting Palpatine's plans in the finale, and doing what was needed to ensure Lothal was fully freed.

Imagine how different Rebels would be if Kanan's death had been treated like Tech's: no mention that his role on the mission had any impact whatsoever. No reference to Ezra or any other member of the Ghost crew living up to what Kanan had taught them all - or, at best, there's a perfunctory reference in the epilogue that Ezra decided to keep using the Force the way Kanan had taught him to. No depiction of Ezra or Hera or Sabine or Zeb accepting Kanan's death and letting go of the pain while holding on to the memories. Nothing to show that any of the Ghost crew members act in memory of Kanan or that he is a motivating influence on them. No indication that Kanan's sacrifice drives Ezra to decide to follow up on their initial success with the factories and ultimately completely drive the Empire from Lothal.

Rebels just wouldn't be nearly as fulfilling.

Now, imagine if Tech's death had been treated like Kanan's, and maybe it will become more clear why I have a REALLY hard time agreeing with the argument that the show itself actually depicted Tech's death as "meaning something."

[fangsandfracturedhearts]

Fangs and Fractured Hearts

Summary: After embracing eternity as a vampire spawn under Astarion's wing, the Crimson Palace becomes a haunting symbol of the man he once was. As his personality unravels into a dark abyss, you flee. A year of hardship unveils the harsh reality of existence as a vampire spawn.

Just as all hope seems lost, a twist of fate reunites you with Astarion, revealing a glimmer of hope amidst the shadows. As you navigate the complexities of your relationship, you must confront the unsettling truth behind the Rite of Profane Ascension and the devilish secrets it holds.

In a race against time, you embark on a daring quest to save Astarion from his descent into darkness. With each choice you make, the stakes grow higher, testing the limits of your courage and determination.

Will Astarion find redemption, or is he destined to succumb to his own inner turmoil?

Pairing: Softish Ascended Astarion x female!Tav Spawn Note: It is/will be mentioned Tav is a draconic sorcerer

Rating: Explicit 18+ [Slow Burn]

Setting: Post End-Game Please note: Written before epilogues were added, so may not be congruent with that content

Warnings [more will be added] - expect mature content/read at your own risk.

Blood drinking. Sexual Themes/Tension. Slow Burn. Eventual Explicit Smut. Pining. Suicidal Thoughts. Biting. Violence.

Small Notes:

I am not well-versed in DnD 5e and it's rules as it pertains to this world, so although I'm going to try and keep it as accurate as possible, some aspects may not align or may be completely made up for story reasons.

Mentioned of in-game content that I've made resolve a certain way for this Tav.

Fabricated camp events.

Tav is named in later chapters (15 +), will have her own backstory, which we may explore eventually.

Details of Tav's appearance have been made up, but I've tried to keep details to a minimum so you can imagine your own Tav.

Otherwise, I hope you all enjoy!

Big thank you to everyone who reads and/or comments/follows/likes/reblogs - it truly does make my day to know you're finding some enjoyment in my story :)

Chapter 1: Lost Between Night and Dawn

Chapter 2: Reunion

Chapter 3: One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Chapter 4: Little Lamb

Chapter 5: Rebellion

Chapter 6: Dancing with Darkness

Chapter 7: Rogue Desire

Chapter 8: Free Fall

Chapter 9: Beneath the Veil

Chapter 10: Soulbound

Chapter 11: 'Till Death Do Us Part

Chapter 12: Catharsis

Chapter 13: The Fallacy of Power

Chapter 14: Devil's Ploy

Chapter 15: Reclamation

Chapter 16: Riddles

Chapter 17: Unearthed

Chapter 18: Unleashed

Chapter 19: Hark Thy Plea

Chapter 20: I Forgive You

Chapter 21: Preparations

Chapter 22: This is Our Sanctuary

Chapter 23: Way Down We Go

Chapter 24: His Hands Hold My Heart & He Won't Let Go Until It's Scarred

Chapter 25: Darkside

Chapter 26: The Edge of Erasure

Chapter 27: Sin and Shadow

Chapter 28: Blurred Lines

Chapter 29: A Lonely Kind of Love

Chapter 30: A Brand, A Tether

Chapter 31: Ice Meets Fire

Chapter 32: Adrift

AO3 [cross-posted]

If you're interested, I also write a spawn Astarion x Tav fic - Shadows of the Past

I also write a much darker fic for named Durge and AA that I post to A03 exclusively. It's dark, gory, and not about fixing AA but about them becoming an evil power couple if you're interested - Lie to Me

[zombee]

I feel like the luckiest Our Flag Means Death fan in the world after the season 2 finale. By a series of incredible circumstances - including a significant metatextual realization that came in at the 11th hour - it was close to perfect for me.

This essay has everything. Completely normal behavior over a television series. Steven Universe references. The David Jenkins School of Whatever is Best for the Bit. Humbling catharsis.

First: this piece does not exist with the central thesis of “it’s okay to not like something but that’s not the same thing as it being bad.” I feel like thousands of words have already been written on this since Thursday, so I’m going to try to not get too in depth on that.

Second, cards on the table, because it’s relevant and I don’t want to waste your time if this is going to sour your ability to hear me out: I’m an Izzy Canyon hater. For MANY reasons, but from way before the concept of the Canyon existed, (some) Izzy fans pinged me in the same way as Snape/Kylo Ren fans did, and before May 2022 was over I went from genuinely enjoying Izzy’s character and place in the narrative to hating him because his fans made it impossible for me to enjoy him anymore.

(SOME! of his fans. Please don’t keep making me say this, although I’m not going to talk about the Canyon directly anymore after this. I know there are a ton of normal Izzy Enjoyers and even Canyonites, I am literally friends with many of them, please take this all in the good faith it’s intended and if you’re not One Of The Bad Ones then you’re fine! I very carefully don’t go anti-Izzy on main, and when I stopped enjoying his character, I stopped writing him into fics. I’m not trying to be a dick, I just want to be honest. Anyway.)

The season 2 finale made me weep over Izzy Goddamn hands.

ALL season long, I was disgruntled. All season long. I really, truly, DEEPLY appreciated what they were doing with his character and arc, I thought it was wildly on brand for the themes of community/queerness in the show, I saw the vision, I liked it!!! But. I wanted a fucking apology, yall. I needed three seconds of “sorry I called you a slur, Ed :/” and that would have been enough. But I had to let it go. It was poisoning my enjoyment of the whole season, which I loved with very little exception (not none!) and I just had to let it go. I wasn’t getting an apology. That didn’t negate what they were doing with his character.

Yall. They withheld the apology on purpose.

THIS FUCKING SHOW!!!

Let’s go back a bit. I was at the episode 6 + 7 screening, and the breakup shook me. Probably a LOT more than if I had watched it alone in bed at 3am on my laptop - five days of no sleep after NYCC, lots of emotions, seeing it on a big screen with a hundred other intense fans, etc etc - but I did see other folks reacting in parallel ways to me when the episodes aired to the regular public, so maybe I would have felt the same way. Regardless, I was mad at Stede and to a lesser extent Ed. I NEEDED AN APOLOGY FOR THAT FISH LINE. I needed it! “Whativah” autocorrects to “WHATIVAH” in my phone. I was going through it.

(When I rewatched the episode when it aired it was not nearly as bad as I remember, lol)

So now the episode 8 screeners go out and the reviews drop and I think I catch one half-glimpse of a “What a heartbreaking ending!” kind of snippet, and some of my friends who are spoiler fiends unintentionally drop little hints about similar ideas (devastating/heartbreaking/split the fandom) type shit.

And I was a fucking WRECK! about it.

I do love this whole show with my whole chest. I do!!! But I’m not rotted because this is an excellent television show, I’m rotted because two old men kiss each other! On the MOUTH!!! in an excellent television show. You get it, right? I’ve written 700,000 words across almost 100 fics and 98% of them are dedicated to those two men falling in love in different universes. 

So it just did not even occur to me the “heartbreak/devastation/fandom split” would be about anything but Gentlebeard.

Another piece of this that was fucking me up - David Jenkins and his “satisfactory” ending biz. My brain was reacting like this show was ENDING ending, even if I knew logically! that this is just season 2!!! And I wasn’t ready for that, because what if it wasn’t personally satisfying, and I’m a mess about it? Why was I so worried about not liking it? I’d liked the whole season! Even if they didn’t nail the landing I wasn’t going to stop writing fic or hanging out with my pirate community & friends. 

…is what I kept trying to tell myself, but the way anxiety disorders work is funny like that lol. What if I did stop writing fic and hanging out in pirate spaces? That would hurt much more than a show I like disappointing me. And for anyone who’s having that experience with ofmd s2, I’m so very, very sorry. It sucks and that’s where my epiphany came from on Wednesday before the finale.

Because it has happened to me before.

I flit from hyperfocus to hyperfocus, as ya do when you’re spicy, but the last thing to get its hooks in me PROPERLY like pirates was Steven Universe. And I did NOT like the way the regular season ended!!! (I actually really did like most of Future; that’s not what I mean. I mean season 5). I don’t like how they handled the Diamonds, tldr; I think the scope of their villainy got too out of hand, and I was left grieving the thing that had meant enough to me I ran a fan convention for four years based around it. 

Side note: imagine if I had channeled the hyperfocus of almost a million words of fanfiction into an American OFMD con instead. We could have made magic :( I did consult with Our Con Means Death though so I am at least a teeny tiny bit of that one!

I did not like the way Steven ended… but I do respect the story they were telling and think they told it well.

I’m still sad about it. Steven is still one of my most beloved, it will always be beautiful and great to me, but that experience did and does sully my memories. There is so, so, so, SO much more good than bad from being in that fandom, and I cherish it. And I hope, if you’re having this experience with OFMD right now, that you’ll find similar comfort.

But, like I said at the top, “it’s okay to not like something but that’s not the same thing as it being bad” has been belabored already by people better at writing about it than me. I just had the incredible privilege to remember my brush with lower case T trauma and having that experience in my last REALLY big deal fandom. That’s why I had been so extra anxious about being disappointed. Because it happened to me before. It helped so much to connect those two.

So the finale happens, and it’s actually about twelve hours of me going from “eh, rushed but fun, whole season was great” to “THIS MAYBE IS THE BEST SHOW OF ALL TIME, ACTUALLY!”

BECAUSE THIS SHOW MADE ME CRY OVER IZZY FUCKING HANDS!!!!

They literally told me this was the story they were telling this season. “Men can change” “The end  of piracy” “Ed leaving Blackbeard behind (ish).”

As for me? I didn’t get an apology for the fish. Instead, I got “Sorry I was a dick.” “You weren’t a dick. Life’s a dick.”

Just… fuckity BAM. THREE FUCKING SENTENCES resolving that fight. Saying so much in so little.

In real life, should these two men have an actual conversation about this shit? Sure!!! But that’s not how OFMD tells its stories!

It works in symbolism. It works in vibes. It works in an hour’s worth of content into each half-hour episode, and for how much lamenting I have done about the pacing, I would prefer that 100x to having to stretch it out too much.

I have said since March 24, 2022 that OFMD wields anachronism as a weapon. First and foremost, it’s fucking funny, but in addition to that, it’s stating clearly: “This is a fantasy world. This is not real history. This show is about romance (and so much more than that), and the rest is just VIBES!!!”

Sometimes vibes can be historical accuracy. Sometimes vibes can be true emotional poignancy. Sometimes vibes can be Ed finding his sunken leathers in the sea, changing underwater somehow, and coming out of the ocean like the Birth of Fucking Venus, because water and rebirth and mermaids and shit is all very prominent this season. And ALSO, and this is very important! BECAUSE IT LOOKS FUCKING COOL!

I don’t want to do much real Izzy meta here. It’s been said by others, and better than me. But it was telegraphed and it was symbolic – he was the paragon of Traditional Piracy in season 1, for goodness’ sake, and Traditional Piracy is Toxic Masculinity, and he was a part of Blackbeard and Ed had to leave Blackbeard behind (yknow, ish), and he got this ABSOLUTLEY FUCKING LOVELY! storyline about appreciating what a (queer) community can do, and god fucking shit fucking dammit… most of all, best of all (for me), was Buttons landing on Izzy’s grave at the end. Men can change. And Izzy DID!!! He did it for Ed. For love. For community. I am puzzled by “it’s fucked up to use Izzy to further Ed’s storyline” because… this was Ed’s season, in the way that season 1 was Stede’s. And Ed cannot be removed from piracy as a whole (neither can Stede!) so to have this old, set in his ways, coded-queerphobic character blossom to the point he can give this gift to Ed and to piracy… idk man. I just find it so fucking beautiful.

It is okay not to like what they did. It’s okay!!! It’s okay, and it’s okay to mourn, and while it’s not okay to do [insert vile behavior here], it’s okay to carefully examine what you think is “bad writing” vs “what you would have preferred to happen” and give good-faith, textually-based criticism on that.

But I want to remind you over and over and over again, this show works on vibes. It tells its stories leaving many, many, many gaps. There are many things I would have liked to see, and y’know what? I would have told the Izzy story differently. I would have personally done it differently. But it’s not my show! It’s not my show, and I am humbled and delighted to remember that, and to appreciate Our Flag Means Death for what it is and not what it isn’t.

Other words have been written better than I could about the 18 months between seasons 1 and 2 and what that does to us as rabid fans with expectations of how things will go. Millions and millions and millions of words have been written about OFMD, fictional and non, and that is going to color our expectations and experience. We had built it up SO MUCH in our minds and along the way I think some of us forgot (INCLUDING ME!!!) that it is first and foremost about Vibes.

The vibes of Izzy’s death are about rebirth and forgiveness and leaving traditional piracy behind. And he got to die in Ed’s arms, knowing (HAPPILY!) that he had been wrong, and giving Ed the gift of letting him know he is loved, and being a part of something. We had a funeral but we also had a wedding. The only constant is change. Men, piracy, Blackbeard; it all changes. And Izzy found peace in that.

Before my last point, I want to @ myself on things I felt versus realizing in the end it is (I will say it until I’m blue in the face) about vibes.

· I was convinced they left Buttons’ transformation ambiguous because they wanted to leave room for it not having been real. NO!!! It is real, until they decided it isn’t. Magic in the OFMD universe? Fucking why not!!! IT’S SYMBOLIC!!! IT’S IMPORTANT TO ED’S STORYLINE AND THE CENTRAL THESES OF THE SHOW!

· I was unhappy, and still am a little, about the Polycule Situation, but now that I realize Oluwande is Zheng’s Stede… I am less so. The Zheng : Auntie :: Ed : Izzy vibes, btw? Fuckin immaculate.

·        Obviously they touched on Stede/Ed’s “killing people trauma” but I’d reallyyyy like Stede to address it, and even though I think Ed’s is left on a very satisfying note, I’d like him to dip a bit more into it as well. But if they don’t, oh well! It’s not like they ignored it, they just didn’t have a Deep Dive like I Wanted Them To!

· They didn’t deal with Ed throwing Stede’s shit away. They just ignored it! Stede started to collect new trinkets, and I believe that was as much about giving the audience back the old feeling of the Revenge as it was anything important (not to say it wasn’t also important thematically!!!). Just like Ed going back to his leathers is both Extremely Important thematically and about putting Taika back in the leathers because that’s what Blackbeard should be wearing for the epic final scenes for the sake of visually keeping the show consistent. That’s Blackbeard’s uniform.

· Stede’s frilly little outfits my beloved. God I hope they give him back some of his frippery in season 3. I think they will re: cursed suit BUT his journey this season was about something else, so!

· Ed’s stupid little non-profit non-apology, oh my god. It was so funny. And there is a transition from eps 5 to 6 where Ed is back in his leathers and the crew is more comfortable around him. They didn’t have to have him do a Real Apology, it’s implied it was all settled. What was the timeline? A day? DOESN’T MATTER, BABY, VIBES!!!

· Lots more, I’m sure, but now that I’ve tried to let it all go, I’m remembering less of what I wanted and appreciating what I got!

And, last point here, I think it is also very very very important to remember that a lot of people are normal about this show. In fact, WAY more people are normal about this show than aren’t. And that is EXTREMELY! IMPORTANT!!! because otherwise it wouldn’t be profitable and we all know what would happen then. We are the core of it, to be sure. Without word of mouth that stems from our intensity, this show would not be NEARLY as successful as it is. I truly, truly believe that.

But.

Do normies need deeply emotional discussions dissecting the central relationships? No. What normies need is Ed and Stede running dramatically toward each other on the beach and kissing. And I am happy, so fucking happy, to realize that’s what I need too. I’ve got fanworks for the rest.

I love this fucking show and this fucking fandom and its fucking creators so much. Fuck.

[kimmiessimmies]

Catharsis (8/35)

Sadie blinked a few times. Did she hear that correctly? And then… what did that mean..? ‘Respond… you should say something…’ Her thoughts told her. Right. “So..,” she carefully said, trying to sound as neutral as she could, though a panicking sensation was rising up within her, “You’re… gay…?” James abruptly turned his head to her, “No.” he said, firmly and purposely. “No. I’m not. I’m absolutely not.” “It’s okay if you are, you know….” Sadie said, though she was secretly relieved by his answer. “Despite what your parents said. They were wrong. It’s fine.” “I know it is, but I’m not. It’s much more complicated than that…” James said, shaking his head. “Okay. Then please continue,” Sadie said. “Right.” James nodded. “So, like I said, I thought I had a crush on a boy. But it wasn’t a crush. I soon realised the idea of being in a relationship with this guy and hugging and kissing and all that romantic stuff… I didn’t like that at all. The thoughts I had about him were… about doing different things… It was…. sexual attraction, not romantic…” He shook his head, “That didn’t make it better though… In line with what my mother had said, this was probably even worse: sex-obsessing over someone of the same gender. Talking about disorders…”

“But it’s not…” Sadie whispered. “I know it’s not. Rationally, I know that. Now.” James spoke, “But not then, not when I was 14. My brain took that information and ran with it, and that created that inner voice. That voice that tells me I am faulty, I have a disorder, I’m disgusting, I’m weird, and I’m repulsive.”  He wiped a tear from his cheek with the back of his hand and shook his head again. “When you’ve carried a voice like that with you for so long, it becomes hard to shake, hard to contradict…” Sadie listened in silence, trying to fight back her own tears. “So after you had come to these realisations, then what happened..?” “Then, there was Jill…” James said.

[marimeeko]

Post 431 fic:: Angst, Mutual pining, hurt/eventual comfort

So, horikoshi came in and said 431 wasn't necessarily his doing, and so I of course don't take it as canon, BUUUT I already had this baby in progress and the angst is honestly peak. So going with it for now and doing a Fix-it, hurt/eventual comfort!

**Hey, funny story wasn't QUITE ready to post this but it ended up accidentally posting as I put my phone in my pocket after reviewing/editing it again(I am on my break at work)

BUT ANYWAY I can't really take it back rn so HERE YOU GO??

I need to come back with a few edits later when I have time, but it's Bakugou's side first bc that was the CATHARSIS of this whole thing. Next will be Izuku's side.

//Chapter 1//Chapter 2//

----

The weekend after the 1A class reunion, DynaMight didn't walk the streets in his usual patrol routines.

Masaru Bakugou hitched up his hiking backpack as he stepped in time after his son. His gaze fixed on the blonde head of hair in front of him as Katsuki led the course, picking up one of their favorite hiking trails.

Broad shoulders that were trained and rigid from nearly 8 years of constant hero work hung just low enough that Masaru could notice a change. Many wouldn't have been able to spot the change, but Masaru's years of careful observation of his son's moods and mannerisms told him exactly what he needed to know.

And yet, nothing at all.

Katsuki hadn't said much. Only called one day during the week, out of the blue.

"Can we...go to the mountains? Soon?" His voice over the phone had sounded...so different. The earnest request was punctuated by something Masaru could only place as a silent plea for something...at the time, and even still, Masaru couldn't discern what.

So, he and his wife had ultimately settled on it being a plea for support. They would figure out the what and the why when Katsuki was ready to share. Masaru, who had hiked and climbed with his son many times in Katsukis youth, obliged to Katsuki's request gladly.

The sun climbed the mountain with them, and the sounds of nature surrounded them, a peaceful change from the sounds of Musutafu and the city streets where Katsuki would patrol.

Only occasionally did they pass another person or group, and every time, Katsuki ducked his head to hide under his hat. He didn't want to be waylaid by any potential recognition from civilians.

Conversation was sparse and casual on the way up, but Masaru was used to that. As Katsuki had grown, his fiery attitude had tempered, and the little kid who had too much energy pent up inside of him became more measured, and could more appropriately direct that energy. His father didn't challenge Katsuki's ego as much as his mother did, so Katsuki even reflected a lot more of his father when out in the trails and forests.

Midway through the morning, just over an hour in, they were approaching the summit of their trail. Breathing heavier as they scaled the last stretches, the father and son came upon a familiar sight. A vast clearing, vivid and green, that sloped down to a long beach, bordering a sparkling lake.

Katsuki looked out onto the lake and breathed in the freshest air he'd tasted in quite a while.

"Ah, finally." Masaru chuckled, "Your dear old dad is a bit out of shape after so many years!" He clapped a hand on Katsuki's shoulder as he took the first steps to descend towards the lake.

Katsuki smiled weakly after his father.

"Shut up, you're not even that old," Katsuki grumbled with a cocked grin, and followed after.

Closer to the lake, just yards from the sands, lay a circle of large logs flanking a dormant fire pit. The shade of well-aged trees cast a welcoming, dancing pattern of light filtering through the leaves. A veritable paradise, one that had seen the Bakugou family through many visits in the past.

Masaru basked in the nostalgia of it as Katsuki dropped his backpack against a log, and flung his hat down as well. After the men stretched, Masaru and Katsuki took seats on opposite ends of the large log.

Masaru, who had spent the long haul of the hike up behind his son, finally took the opportunity to observe the 25 year old for real.

As Katsuki peered out over the lake, leaned forward with elbows braced on his knees, his crimson eyes held a certain tiredness. There were thin shadows underneath, but Masaru had seen this before; Katsuki had been working a lot, even for a Pro. What he noticed, was his brows...knitted together, not in anger, but in some form of melancholy, that he hadn't seen before. The corners of his mouth, slack, and void of any telling emotion.

Masaru observed him for a few breaths, and then cleared his throat.

"Katsuki, how are things? Are you doing alright?" Masaru asked softly.

Katsuki's brows pressed together even more. His gaze fell from the lake, to his hands.

"I...I don't know." Katsuki forced it out of himself, and his hands balled up in front of him. Masaru leaned gently towards him, ready to listen.

Katsuki knew that his father wasn't a threat. But the pressure, the idea of becoming vulnerable once again made him feel so oversensitive, his palms prickled. Unable to quell the feeling by willpower, he grabbed a rock by his side, and surged to his feet.

Masaru watched as Katsuki strode some distance forward, to the edge of the sand. He saw and heard the small pops of Katsuki's quirk warming up his hand and the rock within it.

Silently, Katsuki wound his arm backwards, and pitched the rock over the water, a small explosion sending it hurtling faster and farther.

Masaru had seen this before as well. When Katsuki was young, the Bakugous had deemed it as a safe way for the kid to use his quirk and the pressurized energy that came with it. There was times, similar to now, where Katsuki would want to come just to blow off some steam, process some emotions, and hurl rocks out into the lake.

It seemed it was still being used as a coping mechanism, and this was indeed one of those times, as Masaru had guessed on their way out. Katsuki knelt to grab another rock. This time, he paused, feeling the worn stone in his hand.

"Izuku's suit is finished." Katsuki said simply, not facing away from the lake. "All Might and I gave it to him last month."

"That's wonderful!" Masaru exclaimed, but realized that the statement didn't match his sons mood. "How is it, does he like it?"

Katsukis thumb paused.

Pop-pop-BOOM

The rock was thrown across the lake, the same way as the last.

"...Yeah. It's perfect. It fits him." Katsuki wanted to smile, but couldn't.

He picked up another rock.

"He can do Hero Work again." Katsuki grunted, and swung his arm again, another explosion puncuating his statement. "He just needs to get his liscense...and he'll be a hero again. Just like that. Hawks said so."

Masaru leaned towards his son.

"Katsuki, that's great news," Katsuki picked up another rock. "Why are you... feeling so stressed then? It's what you have been working so hard for..."

The palms of his hands still prickled as he glanced back at his father. The rock in his hand felt so cold, fresh from the shade and the breeze. He looked away again, feeling the look from his father to be so full of concern he couldn't bear it.

He swallowed hard. His heart ached in his chest.

BOOM!

He fired the rock further and with a more impressive explosion this time, and breathed heavier as his arm returned to him. Squeezing his eyes closed, he hoped he could keep the tears at bay for longer.

"I told him I wanted him to work at my agency. I wanted him to partner with me..." Katsuki's voice was beginning to shake, and he grabbed a rock more urgently this time. "Like when we were young...we always wanted...."

Pop-pop BOOM

Another explosion, and a grunt of effort sent the rock flying. Katsuki scrubbed at his face with the back of a sweaty hand.

"I asked him, and he said no." Katsuki could barely keep his voice from betraying him with a quiver. "He said no, so easily...he didn't even think about it!"

He sucked in some air and dropped his hands to his side.

"It wasn't even..." Katsuki grit his teeth. "It's like it wasn't even a thought in his head anymore."

"Katsuki...it's his right to say no, if he wants," Masaru gently reminded Katsuki.

"Fuck, I know that!" Katsuki snapped, though the desperation in his voice wasn't that of anger, but of quiet guilt. "I know he doesn't owe me shit, I don't want him to owe me a damn thing, especially after all the stupid shit that I've...." he trailed off with a harsh growl.

In one swift movement, he picked up and exploded another rock out over the lake, a choked sob escaping him.

"I didn't do it for me! It was all for him!" He cried out over the lake. "I wanted to give him back his dream, I wanted him to do what makes him happy, choose himself instead of others! For once, in his frigging life!"

Another rock, another explosion.

"I dont deserve to be pissed off! Or disappointed! I don't have any right!" His vision blurred with unshed tears, and the light shining off the surface of the water became too bright.

"If it's what he wants...if he wants to stay a teacher..." He looked away, his strong shoulders heaving. "He's a good teacher...he's so good at it...Really..."

There were pops and flashes igniting in his palms again, but he smothered them into clenched fists.

"...But...Then... Why does it fucking hurt so much??" Katsuki's voice finally broke, a smoking hand clutched at his chest.

Masaru finally came to his feet, and almost approached Katsuki, but thought to hold off for just a moment. The choked sobs that shook Katsuki signaled that he was in a state where any touch would likely be rebuffed.

Instead, Masaru calmly came towards the same sand that Katsuki stood at. He knelt with a grunt, and picked up his own rock.

"Sometimes," Masaru quietly started, turning the rock once over in his hand. "We grow apart from those we love. Sometimes, goals change as you grow up."

Katsukis breath was hot as he tried to regulate it. Crimson eyes, still wet, followed the rock as his father threw it out over the lake, it landed with a dull splash where the lake was still shallow.

"And it hurts, realizing one day that what you expected, isn't what actually happens..." Masaru told him gently. "You're allowed to feel bad about it, and for a while, it will feel bad. Rejection does hurt."

"But that doesn't mean you won't find different ways to be happy. You and Izuku have so much between you, and you will still have each other. You'll still find him in the field, I'm sure. You can make time for each other."

Katsuki huffed a deep and shaky sigh.

"What did I miss?"Katsuki asked, weakly, as if he was asking himself. "All these years and I thought he was as invested as I was. I thought we wanted the same thing....How did I not know...he had changed his mind...he lost interest??"

He looked down at his palms; they still buzzed with warmth.

"Why is he still in my dreams but...I'm not in his?"

"You can't beat yourself up, Katsuki," Masaru insisted, observing Katsuki's glowering confusion. "You did everything right. And... I'm so proud of what you've accomplished, and what you chose to do for that boy."

"Yeah, well, it wasn't enough." Katsuki cringed under the praise. Crimson eyes still strayed from his father, darting around, searching the sands for the answers to his questions.

"...I wasn't enough."

Masaru, trying to smile at his avoidant son, faltered, a realization striking him.

"This is about more than just a hero partnership...isn't it....?" Masaru urged.

Katsuki felt like crawling into a hole and dying for being so exposed. He tensed, bitter and glaring away.

"I told him he should figure out what's special to him. Who's special to him...and go after what he wants, for once, take himself into consideration." Katsuki murmured. He stooped to pick up another rock, looked over the lake again, and threw it. This time, there was no explosion, only the lowly Plunk of a splash and the quiet that consumed it after.

"And he left after the reunion to see a girl from our class."

Masaru finally closed the distance between them, a large hand settling firmly on Katsuki's shoulder. Katsuki could hardly react.

"I see...I'm sorry, kid," Masaru consoled. "...A broken heart is never easy."

Tears spilled over flushed cheeks and landed in the sand before Katsuki could stop them. But he sucked in air, and wiped the rest away before they could escape. With a curse, he turned away from his father and trudged back to the log, and sat heavily, burying his face in his hands. Just breathing was all he could do for now, and he was beginning to feel dizzy with emotions that he'd rather not have.

He heard his father retreat to their log as well, but felt relief when the man started digging out their lunches and preparing them instead of continuing the conversation.

A fresh lunch was set in his hands silently, and the quiet overcame them as they ate. Katsuki didn't feel much like eating, but knew they had a hike down the mountain coming soon. So he very slowly made his way through the meal.

Masaru began packing empty containers away, and preparing to head back, when Katsuki spoke up again.

"Dad, I..." he sounded short and gruff, but the blonde standing above him, pack already equipped and hat already back on, looked contrastingly pleading. Masaru nodded expectantly.

"...Thanks. For coming out here with me." Katsuki sighed, "I needed to get away. Clear my head. Get some of this shit out."

"Whenever you need, Katsuki." Masaru smiled warmly. Katsuki nodded with a subdued expression, and started heading towards the trail marker. Masaru considered something for a moment, and then called out to his son.

"You know, about Izuku..." Katsuki froze. "I dont think he would mean to hurt you."

Katsuki was silent, gaze pointed downwards.

"I dont think he would either," Katsuki agreed, voice scratchy from the earlier strain. "But I dont think that's better."

"Katsuki...Does he know how you feel?" Masaru pressed.

Katsuki tensed his jaw. He couldn't bear the thought of ruining what he had remaining with Izuku if his feelings were ill-recieved. Izuku was a kind soul and Katsuki had no reason to think he would hate him for having developed feelings...but the risk now was too high, the potential loss, too devastating. He wasn't looking for a pity date either.

"I'm not telling him now. It's too late for that. It would just fuck everything up even more." Katsuki asserted, feeling the lump in his throat again. "I've had enough of things getting fucked up for one week."

Masaru's heart sank for his son.

But Katsuki was the one going through the growing pains, and he would have to be the one to confront them and come out on the other side....with or without Izuku.

Without another word or moment to spare to harsh realities, Katsuki started off on the hike down, and Masaru followed once more. The silence was heavy, but both men were careful to maintain it.

The long drive home allowed for some conversation of lighter topics like plans for the rest of the week, and ultimately, an invite from Masaru to join him and Mitsuki for dinner.

Katsuki got out of the car at the end of the journey, but declined.

"I have to get back, I promised Kirishima I would be back for my evening shift..." Red Riot had taken his day shift, sympathetic to Katsuki's need for some time off. Even if Katsuki's pride was a bit wounded to have asked, he was grateful for the Redhead's willingness to cover for him.

Waving his father off and screaming a greeting at his mother at the front door, Katsuki locked himself in the car and headed off.

"So what's wrong with our kid?" Mitsuki asked as the Sportscar peeled off, and Masaru approached the house steps.

"Broken heart and professional rejection, all in one night, I'm afraid." Masaru sighed. "And from the same person."

Mitsuki's eyes widened.

"Inko's boy??" Mitsuki asked incredulously. As if it could be any other person, she knew what Katsuki had been working at for the past 8 years. Masaru nodded with a sympathetic hum. Mitsukis eyes narrowed and she put her index finger to her lip. "I should give her a call."

"Dear, don't meddle," Masaru warned gently as they went back into the house, "You know Katsuki won't--"

"I'm not going to meddle," Mitsuki barked. "I just haven't talked to her in a while, is all."

"Please, dear," Masaru sighed.

---

(To be continued)

[heretherebedork]

Top ten couples from 2024 so far? >=] (you called me nice so have a cruel ask mwahahahahaha)

I bring this upon myself with my LOVE.

But oooof, what an ASK.

UM.

These will not be in a super specific order, honestly, I'm just looking at MDL and trying to decide.

TanFang: My precious and perfect boys. Absolutely perfect. They have to lead this list.

2. JJMethas: The beloveds! They were amazing and their story managed to actually be a story and have character growth and I loved them so much.

3. Qian x Yuan: Precious. Precious. Absolutely one of the best shows, and pairings, of the year.

4. Myungha X Yeowoon: Because it was truly and absolutely beautiful, again, and they were amazing.

5. King x Ino: They were just so great and what an amazing and uplifting and joyous show with such love at the heart of it.

6. GodDiew: Look, the greenest green flag of all time found a tiny turtle loving introvert to buy plushies for and take on adorable dates and who I am to argue? Just let the show not ruin them, please!

7. Taichi x Kohei: I adore them, I adore their manga, I just love the story and I'm SO happy to have this new and more modern version.

8. MingJoe: They were just the right kind of toxic and character growth and forgiveness that just worked. The show knew what it was doing... with them.

9. JinWoo x KiSub: I feel like I forget this show and then get a tiny reminder and fall in love again with these damaged disasters.

10. YoIng: Okay, they could still go horribly off the rails but I love their damaged and desperate friendship and the way they're both hurt and pulling away but drawn together and I just want a little catharsis.

Bonus 11: SamYoh because I want them on this list specifically for the lapsit.

[marblemoonstones]

🩵 catharsis ~ chapter nine

main masterlist

series masterlist 

pairing: bts ot7 x reader

genre: collegestudentreader!au 

warnings: ❗️any characters in the story have nothing to do with their real life counterparts❗️f reader, reader with glasses, curse words, too many italicized words *lmk if i missed any*

word count: ~4.4k

a/n: i really love this chapter sm so i hope you do too :) also sorry for the time skip, i am planning out the rest of the series and need to reach a certain point!  ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

A couple weeks pass since that night, and I find myself happier than normal. I gave up on moving to the dorms because the boys immediately shot that idea down when I brought it up to them. 

Sure, the rumors are still happening, but I am doing my best to ignore them and they’ve died down a bit for now. Although, whenever the boys see Haneul they are icier than normal.

It’s the delicious time of the year where autumn is in full swing. Hot chocolate is coming into season and so is cider. I bust out the sweaters and jeans as well as my thick fluffy socks. 

The second week in October is also arts week at uni. The university brings in alumni and also has all students who are involved in art in some way participate. While all the boys (minus Jungkook) don’t attend uni anymore, they’re all alumni and annually participate (minus Namjoon). He tells me that he still enjoys arts week thoroughly though.

I also take part during this beautifully hectic week. I’m in choir and also am doing a dance showcase. Jimin reveals his contemporary dance idea for us two (I omit that I already knew about it) so we’re practicing hard for that. 

The boys made me a schedule. Well, “the boys” really means that Yoongi added all our events to one big shared calendar that is really all of our schedules. I color coded my events so I can keep them all straight.

Monday: art gallery with joon 

Tuesday: visit tae gallery 

Wednesday: watch jk film starring jin @6pm

Thursday: visit yoongi showcase/gallery

Friday: concert @7, arrive @6pm!!

Saturday: final rehearsal @10am. dance showcase @6pm, arrive @4!!

It’s currently Sunday evening and the boys and I are watching a movie (Mulan) before the chaos of the week starts. This past week has been hell as well, but we made a promise to each other to be available Sunday evening for a rest. 

I look around and see that Hobi and Taehyung have already conked out. Jimin is carding his fingers through Tae’s hair and sends me a soft smile when I glance at him. 

The mood is so cozy and I find myself dozing on Jin’s shoulder. Once in a while he’ll ghost a soft kiss on the top of my head. I’m too tired to wonder why. The last thing I remember is an avalanche before I’m out.

~

I am a queencard, you wanna be the queencard? Imma a queencard, imma queencard…

The voices of G-idle wake me up and I groan, regretting my alarm choices. I thought I was so smart to use a powerful pop song to wake up to, hoping that it would motivate me for the killer week ahead. Instead, I want to chuck my phone into outer space.

“Alright alright. I get it. I’m a queencard,” I mumble under my breath. Stretching, I turn off the alarm and relish in the silence. 

…

“Y/n! Y/N! Y/N!” 

My door bursts open. Well. That lasted about two seconds. It’s Taehyung and Jungkook. What a surprise.

“What?” I ask, annoyed that they’re barging in at the early time of 8:23am (which, hypothetically isn’t that early but I need an excuse to complain about). 

“You ready for this week? It’s gonna be killer Y/n!” Jungkook cheers, bouncing on my bed like a child would on Christmas morning.

I shove him off as Tae cackles.

“Fuck off. It’s too early for this. Why are you in here?” I ask, trying to herd them out, but failing because they have the core strength of gods. 

“Because breakfast is gonna be ready soon! And Jin-hyung wanted to give you time to get ready and stuff beforehand!” Tae almost shouts. 

I cringe, my eardrums practically exploding. 

“Okay, thanks. Now get out.” I point to the door and can sense their hesitation so I use their moment of weakness to shove them again.

“Get. Out!” 

They leave and I sigh as I lean against the door. How much caffeine have they had? I wonder as I go to shower.

~

I wrap my towel around me and shove on my glasses. The steam in the bathroom just fogs them up so I open the door. 

“AAH!” I scream, shutting it instantly. 

Yoongi’s standing in the middle of my room, looking bored amongst the pink and green hues.

“What do you want?!” I shout, placing one hand on my beating heart in the bathroom.

“Sorry, Y/n. I didn’t mean to startle you,” he starts, “It’s just that I was sent to give you this dress from Namjoon.” 

What? A dress? Couldn’t he have given me that without giving me a heart attack?

“Okay,” I grind out, already annoyed at the energetic wake up call from the maknaes, “Why can’t he give it to me himself?” 

“Because he was too afraid that he’d rip or stain it or something,” is the response.

That makes sense, but I’m still kind of pissed off at Yoongi just coming in my room.

“Great. Thanks for the dress, Yoongi, now can you get out? I need to get dressed in this apparently special outfit and you’re kinda barring me from that.” I say, sarcasm dripping from my tone. 

“Yeah, sorry about that. And sorry about the maknaes coming in to wake you up too. I’ll go,” says the ever respectful Yoongi. 

“Thank you,” I say gratefully through the bathroom door.

I hear my bedroom door shut and crack the bathroom door open. Peering out, there’s no one in my room and I open the door all the way. There’s a package on the bed which I can only assume is the dress Yoongi was talking about.

I put on my undergarments and carefully open the dress. I pull it out and it’s one of the most gorgeous things I’ve ever seen. 

The smooth fabric is a stunning shade of brown and has shimmers of gold sewn into it. The long sleeves add elegance and the tiered skirt makes it seem as if it’s a ball gown and not a normal day dress. I try it on and it magically fits perfectly. It reaches my ankles, but with shoes on I won’t step on it. I feel truly pretty, and wonder how the boys always know what looks best on me. 

I forego hair and makeup for after breakfast and make my way downstairs feeling way too overdressed, especially for a Monday.

I descend the stairs, holding up the dress like I’m Snow White or something. 

Just  my luck: they’re all gathered at the kitchen table.

Namjoon is the first to see me, eyes becoming bigger than saucers and I swear his mouth drops a little. 

The other boys soon follow suit. Jin chokes on his food and Hobi almost drops his mug. Yoongi is frozen like a statue and the maknaes full on “Woah.” 

“Um, good morning?” I say, stifling my laugh at their shell shocked expressions.

“You look so fucking good,” Jungkook blurts out.

Jin, having taken a sip of water, promptly spits it out.

I crack at that. This shatters the silence and soon everyone is laughing with me.

“H-hyung-” Jimin is in stitches and almost falls out of his chair. “-you spit water right on Yoongi-hyung!” 

I look, and sure enough, Yoongi’s sitting there like a wet cat. There’s not too much water, but it makes the situation much funnier. We all die, and Jimin actually does fall out of his chair.

“Oh boy, what a way to start the morning,” Hobi says, wiping his tears.

“Yeah. I guess the dress is pretty good,” I say, then thank Jungkook for his compliment. “Thanks Kook, by the way. I appreciate it.”

He just grins his bunny smile. 

“Jungkook is absolutely right, Y/n. You look stunning, sweetpea,” Namjoon says, casually throwing in that damn nickname again. 

I smooth out the skirt, avoiding his eyes. “Thanks, Joon. It means a lot.”

“Namjoon has such good taste!” Exclaims Hobi, then he pouts. “I wish I was taking you to a fancy schmany art gallery.” 

“It’s okay, Hobi,” I almost laugh at his exaggerated pouty face. “We have plenty of time to do things together after arts week!” 

“Why don’t you sit down Y/n, have some breakfast before you leave,” Jin says, gesturing to the table. 

“Wait, we don’t want you to spill anything on your dress,” says Taehyung. He quickly gets an apron and ties it around my waist. 

“Isn’t this Jin’s apron?” I ask, looking at the familiar lilac hue with the stain in the corner. 

“Yes, but of course you can wear it honey,” says Jin. I’m going to have to start counting how many times they use nicknames.

“Okay, thanks.” I dig into the delicious spread. We chat about our plans for today. Hobi and Jimin have their individual dance rehearsals, Jungkook has to go to the first day of the film festival, Yoongi has to attend his music gallery, and Taehyung is putting the finishing touches on his designs. Jin doesn’t have much to do today, but I know he’ll accompany someone to their respective event today.

After finishing a semi-peaceful breakfast, it’s time for all of us to face the realities of the day. 

Everyone scatters and I turn to Namjoon, asking him what time we need to be at the exhibit.

“It starts at eleven, so we have about an hour until we need to leave,” he replies. 

I nod and then decide to go help wash the dishes since there’s nothing better for me to do. 

“Nuh uh. You’re not washing the dishes in that dress. Go sit,” Jin commands. 

“But Jin,” I whine, “I’m booored. We don’t leave for another hour! And I can’t help anyone else. What am I supposed to do until then?” 

He chuckles at my misery.

“I know, honey, but maybe just read or something. Enjoy this bored feeling while it lasts.” He shoos me out of the kitchen so I decide to go upstairs because I realize that I forgot to do my hair and makeup.

I’m walking up the stairs as Jungkook comes rushing down. We collide with a small “Oof!” I feel…damp, so I look down and see that my dress is wet. 

“Oh my god! I’m so sorry, Y/n,” Jungkook says, panic written on his face, “Your dress! I’m such an idiot. Oh my god. I can’t believe I did that.” 

He seems to have spilled his coffee on my dress.

“It’s okay!” I try to reassure Jungkook, but Jin is already at the scene. 

“Kook! Watch where you’re going!” He scolds, but doesn’t berate the poor boy much longer because Jungkook looks about close to tears. 

All over a dress, I think. 

“I’m so sorry Y/n! I’ll pay for dry cleaning, whatever it needs!” 

Jin grabs some napkins to dab at the growing stain but it’s no use. I know that I won’t be wearing this today.

“It’s fine, Kook.” I try to give him a reassuring smile, but he doesn’t seem to buy it. 

“No, it’s not Y/n! Why aren’t you upset?” He asks me desperately.

I’m confused. 

“Is that…how you want me to react?” I ask him, befuddled at his reaction.

“No, it’s just that the average person would be mad at Kook,” Jin explains, finishing dabbing at the excess of coffee, “But it looks like you’re not an average person.” 

I grab Jungkook’s hands and look him in the eye. “Jungkook, I promise, I don’t care. I will find something else to wear. Now go.” I give him a look and he grudgingly goes to leave. 

“Thank you, Y/n,” Jin murmers quietly to me, “He’s been so stressed over the film festival that even a small thing upsets him more than it should.” 

“It’s all good,” I reply, “I understand.” 

We part ways and I go upstairs to tell Namjoon that I can’t wear his dress that he chose. 

“It’s okay, Y/n, I heard what happened,” he says, and I try not to ogle him in his button up and tie. 

“Okay, great. Let me go change and touch myself up,” I say, turning away so I can’t see his muscles underneath his shirt. 

“Y/n!” I run into Taehyung on the short distance from Namjoon’s room to my own.

“Yeah?” I ask, mentally running through my closet to find another dress to wear.

“I have a dress you can wear!” This snaps me out of my thoughts.

“You do?” I ask, although I shouldn’t be surprised because Taehyung is a goddamn fashion designer.

“Yes! Come to my room and I can give it to you!” Before I can say anything more he gently pulls me to his room.

I internally gag at the amount of stuff in his room, much like Jungkook’s but with more artsy elements thrown in like crystals on the desk or colored pencils strewn everywhere. 

“Tae-“

“Aha! Here it is. I knew buying it was a good choice!” Taehyung pulls out a bag on a hanger and thrusts it into my arms. 

“Go! Now! This dress will make you and Namjoonie-hyung’s date perfect!” 

I gape like a fish before sputtering “It’s not a date!” 

“Sure it isn’t. Now hurry up! I want to see the full look before you leave!” Taehyung winks then shuts the door on me. 

I’m left standing outside his door like a mom who got kicked out by their teenage son.

“You heard the boy! Go!” Shouts an enthusiastic Hobi from across the hall.

I chuckle and make my way two doors down.

I shut the door (and lock it for good measure) then gingerly unzip the bag. A gasp leaves me. There’s the dress that I found when I went shopping with Taehyung and Jungkook a while ago. The crimson color and gold flowers are still gorgeous, and I can’t wait to slip it on.

I do my hair and makeup first then put on the dress. The sweetheart neckline fits perfectly and I grab my low shimmery heels. I double check that my purse is ready and open my door.

I head downstairs and hear Yoongi whistle and Hobi shout “Looking good Y/n!” 

I scoff but feel myself smile. 

“There we go! Looking fabulous, if I do say so myself,” Taehyung says, taking a photo of me on his phone.

“Tae! Stop!” I say, covering my face. 

“But I have to remember this day!” He pouts, but lowers his phone. 

“He’s right you know,” Jin chimes in from his spot at the table. 

“Ugh Jin not you too!” I groan, lowering myself to put on my shoes.

“Let me.” Taehyung puts them on and it feels like a damn Cinderella moment. 

“Thanks, Tae.” He salutes then goes upstairs to get Namjoon.

“You really do look gorgeous, honey,” Jin says, walking over and fixing my hair before giving me quick kiss on the head.

I flush. 

“Thanks, Jin.” 

“C’mon hyung! Y/n is patiently waiting for you, so the least you can do is hurry up.” Taehyung’s voice is heard from upstairs and is followed by an annoyed Namjoon’s voice.

“I’m coming, Taehyung. You’re the one who made me change my tie!”

Boisterous laughter filters downstairs and Jin and I look at each other, bemused.

They finally come downstairs with Taehyung leading a blindfolded Namjoon.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Namjoon asks after stumbling on a step.

“Yes. We have to do a big reveal!” Taehyung insists.

After reaching the bottom of the stairs (safely) Taehyung gestures for me to come stand in front of Namjoon.

“Three, two, one!” He pulls off the blindfold with a flourish and Namjoon blinks to adjust to the light. 

I stand there awkwardly as Namjoon takes in my outfit. His eyes rove over me and I do the same to him. He always is handsome, but today he looks…hot. Taehyung must have helped him. His button up is now rolled up to his elbows, showing off his arms and his tie matches my dress. His tighter pants accentuate his godly thighs and I can see his arm muscles strain when he moves.

Fuck fuck fuck.

(a/n: namjoon is the reason i got into bts, btw)

“Wow. You look amazing, Y/n,” Namjoon breathes out. 

“So do you. How did you have a tie to match me?” I ask him, noting how the red shade is the exact color of my dress.

“Tae just so happened to have one for me to borrow,” Namjoon says, side eyeing said man. 

“Hey, leave me out of this. You two should get going on your date,” Taehyung says, arms up in fake surrender and backs out of the room, dragging Jin with him.

“It’s not a date!” I hiss at him as he leaves me with yet another wink. 

“I guess that’s our clue to leave?” Namjoon asks, pulling on his shoes, “Seriously, though, Y/n, you look stunning.”

“Aw, thanks Joon,” I say sincerely as we hop into his car. 

(a/n: in this au he can drive, please don’t kill me!!)

We arrive at the venue - a nice building on campus that’s already bustling with people. 

Stepping out, I feel overdressed as most people have on nicer casual clothing like a sundress. 

Namjoon must notice my distress because he says, “You look stunning, Y/n. These poorly dressed people won’t know what hit them.”

I laugh at that and we make our way in. 

They have a small finger food and drinks table to the side so we head over to get some things to munch on. 

“These mini sandwiches are heaven.” I almost moan, sad that there aren’t any left since we took the last ones.

“Here, have mine.” Namjoon offers me his plate and I shake my head. I can’t take his food. 

“No, really. I don’t think I’ll like them and I’d rather have cookies.” He insists so I take them but give him my cookies on my plate. 

“It’s a fair trade,” I say. 

We grab some punch and meander our way through the exhibit. There’s a great variety of paintings ranging from watercolor flowers to abstract Pollock-style art. The artists are all standing by their respective paintings and many are chatting with people. 

Some students also chose to want to sell their art. I can tell who they are because of the star sticker on their description. Their prices are expensive, so I stick to admiring it from afar. 

Namjoon and I are mostly quiet, looking at the different paintings and reading the descriptions. Occasionally we’ll chat with the artist before making our way to the next painting.

“Oh my gosh! I feel like Jin would really like this one,” I say, looking at the painting. It’s a gorgeous garden, and the smooth strokes still manage to have a slight texture to them. 

“Yeah you’re right…I think I’ll buy it for him,” Namjoon says, and I feel a sense of pride at being able to help.

Namjoon talks to the seller and organizes a price. After writing a check, he comes back to admire it with you. 

“Did I ever tell you how we came to all date each other?” Namjoon randomly says.

I turn to him.

“No, but you don’t have to tell me,” I say, wondering where this came from.

“It’s alright. I want to.” 

I look at him as he begins.

“I first met Jimin when I was a sophomore and he was a freshman here. Did you know Jimin’s first major was education?” Namjoon shakes his head, a fond smile on his face. “Yeah. He loved kids, but realized that he loved dance more. We grew close during that year though, and began dating that summer.” 

I’ve always suspected that Namjoon and Jimin have a special bond, and I can totally see Jimin being an amazing teacher. 

(a/n: sorry for another note but teacher!jimin is inspired by sgmb!jimin. i don’t make the rules 🤷🏻‍♀️)

“The next year Jimin began his dance major program and met Hobi-hyung. They bonded over their love of dance and somewhere along the way we became a trio. Jimin was the one who expressed interest in Hobi-hyung first, but I soon followed. We decided to give it a try, and it ended up working out.” 

I take a sip of punch as Namjoon continues.

“Hobi-hyung became interested in Jin-hyung next, and with Jin-hyung came Yoongi-hyung. I don’t remember the exact day, but we all were drunk one night and confused each others’ feelings. You know the saying: drunk words come to mean sober thoughts. We all realized that we liked each other as more than just friends.” 

We continue to stroll slowly down the exhibit.

“There were five of us now in our relationship. It was hard to manage at the beginning, but we fell into a comfortable groove.” 

Namjoon pauses, glancing at me and taking a drink. 

“So only Tae and Jungkook were left, right?” I ask, making sure I got the facts straight.

“Yep. They’re our babies, but it was actually Jimin who found them as well. I guess we should be thanking him for bringing a lot of us together.” Namjoon laughs at that.

“Anyways, Jimin was friends with Taehyung because of a class together and then they got paired up in a project. Jimin fell for Tae and then also Jungkook. The five of us were skeptical about adding more people to our already big relationship, but Jimin was adamant. We trusted him enough to give it a shot, and the rest is history.”

Namjoon finishes and looks at me, smiling as he thinks about his boyfriends.

“That’s such a cute story!” I say, thinking about how they all found each other.

“Thank you, Y/n. You know, at this point, I even think the boys wouldn’t mind if we brought another person into our relationship,” says Namjoon.

I furrow my brows. 

“Really? That would be a lot of people.” I wonder how one could manage that big of a relationship.

“Yeah but if they all like each other then it works, right?” Asks Namjoon.

“I guess so. I don’t really know but I don’t have much experience with a big relationship,” I say, darting my eyes to another painting, “Look at that one! It’s gorgeous, let’s go take a look.” 

I steer Namjoon over and also steer the conversation away from relationships. Why do I feel hot all over?

~

Near the end of the exhibit I see a familiar face.

“Seungmin!” I walk quickly over, Namjoon following me.

“Oh, hey Y/n!” He says, grinning as I come over to where he and a couple others are standing. 

Namjoon quietly clears his throat.

“Oh! Seungmin, this is Namjoon. Namjoon, this is Seungmin. He’s in my Foundations of Education class,” I explain. 

They nod at each other and I swear I see Namjoon’s jaw tick. But it’s just my imagination, right?

Seungmin smiles.

“So, Y/n, if you’re interested in art come take a look at my boyfriend Hyunjin-hyung’s!” 

I look at the painting in front of me and am in awe. It’s gorgeous, the strokes precise yet delicate and it’s walking a nice line between abstract and realistic. 

“Wow. He’s really talented,” I say, Namjoon humming in agreement. 

“Thank you. I appreciate it,” says a voice behind me. 

I turn and there’s who I assume to be Hyunjin. 

“Of course! I love this style,” I compliment. 

“Hyunjin-hyung is going to be famous someday,” Seungmin boasts, giving the latter a quick peck on the cheek.

“Oh, stop, Seungminnie,” Hyunjin says, but still accepts the kiss.

“No, no, it’s true,” another familiar voice chimes in. Sure enough, there’s Bangchan. 

“Hey Channie-hyung. This is Y/n and Namjoon, her boyfriend!” Seungmin pipes up.

I widen my eyes and go to tell them the truth but Namjoon just sticks his hand out and says, “Pleased to meet you.” 

Well. I guess we’re a couple now.

The five of us talk for a couple minutes and then Namjoon surprises me.

“Hey, Hyunjin, I’m interested in buying this piece of art. What’s your price?” He asks. 

They negotiate and eventually settle on one. Namjoon writes another check and I bid goodbye to Seungmin and his boyfriends.

“Bye Seungmin! See you in class later.” I wave as we walk away. He waves back then turns to his boyfriends.

“He’s seems nice,” Namjoon says, although there’s an underlying tone of something I can’t quite place. Boredom? Anger? Jealousy? 

No. That can’t be right.

“He is. I’m glad he has his boyfriends,” I say, snatching a cheese cube and promptly shoving it in my mouth. Ugh. So good.

“Me too. C’mon, Y/n, I know you’re craving food.” 

Namjoon laughs at my face and I glare at him, but he’s right. Those mini sandwiches can only fill a person up to a certain point.

“Alright fine.” 

I give in and we go to Sonic. Call me crazy but I really wanted a grilled cheese from there.

“What do you want Y/n?” Namjoon asks after he ordered himself.

“A grilled cheese with a large fries and a medium-“

“-cherry vanilla Dr. Pepper,” Namjoon finishes, popping his dimple out at me, “You got it!”

I wonder how he knows my order but guess it’s because I go here so often.

“Hey, let me pay!” I protest, trying to hand Namjoon my credit card.

“No, it’s okay! I took you out to the art exhibit so I need to pay for the whole thing.” He’s already sliding in his card so I sigh. 

“Fine, fine. One of these day you guys have to let me do something to pay you back,” I grumble. 

“Just you is a payment enough.” Namjoon smiles and I roll my eyes. Sure, they always say that but I still want to find someway to pay back their kindness. 

Our food arrives soon after and we munch in the car.

“Ohhhh I love Sonic so much,” I say, stuffed after Namjoon let me have some of his chili cheese fries. 

He laughs while he pulls out. I smack his arm (damn his bicep is huge).

“Okay, okay! Sorry.” 

We laugh together and I close my eyes on the drive back. 

Contentment fills my body and I fall asleep listening to Namjoon softly humming.

a/n: namtiddies for life, am i right? i wanted namjoon to have more time with the mc so i basically dedicated this entire chapter to him haha. hope you enjoyed reading 🫶🏼🫶🏼

[roguesynapses]

i feel like a lot of nihilistic and especially ecological green anarchist ideas would make a lot more sense with the context, of, say, Desert (e.g. readdesert.org). like, getting people to follow an ideology or whatever isn't really the Goal, nor is offering solutions (that seek to perpetuate the existing state of affairs). in fact, such things are really antithetical to what nihilists are doing/arguing for, really. would def def def recommend desert and other nihilist texts like Blessed Is The Flame

i have read desert and while it's certainly interesting i gotta be honest i am very much against the idea that our future is already decided and the only thing to really be done is an almost hedonistic self destruction before basking in the catharsis of the supposed collapse in a "i told you so" kind of way.

yes, the climate will very likely get worse, which will lead to a lot of people dying. yes, the leftist movement is fractured, scattered, where half of us would rather emulate our oppressors than do something about it. yes, trying to preserve some technology and industry means the planet has to be somewhat exploited and people have to labor. but i'd much rather take a chance of 7-8 billion people living on this planet with reduced electricity and less ability to travel and lives in free communes supported by mutual aid networks than have to live or have my children live in a world of one billion people ruled by petty tyrants farming grain for 14 hours a day in the melting permafrost.

i'd rather fucking try something that's not "lol let's overdose on speed and bomb a police station"

[interabangs]

DP&W Review

I can't believe I actually love Deadpool and Wolverine! I had pretty much moved on from MCU after Endgame. Haven't watched a post EG movie other than Shang-Chi, which is a good movie. Other than that, I had mostly lost interest.

DP&W is a perfectly imperfect movie that finally got me to care about the characters again and shockingly, root for them! Do I have a new MCU ship? What is happening!

Spoilers:

While I thought DP1 was a solid origin story and vastly superior take on Wade than Origins, I left DP1 feeling like... it's a good movie, it's objectively better than DP&W, but I couldn't connect with DP1. I wanted to like it but I think I overhyped it. I might like it more on re-watch but it's, just fine. In DP&W, Wade became so relatable, and I found his catharsis uncompromisingly sincere. Props to Ryan for keeping the mask on for so long and emoting without making it look too OTT. He does a great job riding that line between endearing, audacious, and menacing. He IS Deadpool.

I had liked Wolverine in the X-Men movies, I even liked the Origins Wolverine movie, but I wasn't invested in him as a character until this movie! Sure, Worst Best Wolverine could have had a more 'show not tell' backstory but I think it was handled that way to avoid making him look irredeemable to the audience. Hugh knocked it out of the park, he IS Wolverine and his acting was top tier. I felt like his presence was perfect to balance out Deadpool's random hilarity, and Hugh brought some much needed groundedness to the narrative. This movie really hinged on the chemistry between D&W and it's out of this world omg

I love that the movie gave no fucks about looking 'too cheesy' in the climax, it just did the Power of Friendship handhold Madonna ab shot, and it was exquisite. The movie revels in being a comic book come to life, and even though I didn't read superhero comics, I felt like a kid again, just enjoying the moment and not worrying about this or that. It was beautiful in its simplicity. I love that Wade's importance was affirmed while Logan's legacy was honored and the movie said, "It's okay to care about these characters! We care about them too." I felt immersed, I felt like the characters matter, that this story and all the Fox Marvel movies, good and bad, mean something. I teared up at the credits tribute, it was so sweet.

DP&W is about a 8/10 objectively, there are problems but I don't care. The movie FEELS like a 10/10 to me and is now in my top 5 MCU movies. Like I'm still in disbelief at how entertained, engaged, and happy I was from start to finish. This was exactly what I didn't know I wanted. I ended up watching DP&W in theaters 3 times and had a blast in every viewing. I can't wait for this to come out on Disney+ and for deleted scenes/extras! Maybe I really am just a simple bitch lol

This is such a fun movie with heart, absolutely love it ❤️💛