#6.5k words bros

[misasimagines]

least to most jealous! (Tokyo Debunker)

included characters: all of them except Subaru I'm so sorry!!!!

rating: Technically SFW but suggestive

warnings: unhealthy and toxic behaviors, some suggestive (sexual and violent) content though nothing graphic. GN reader.

Okay, some clarification:

Regarding Subaru: I HAVE to give a disclaimer here and say that I simply do not get him. I’m so sorry Suba fans. I just think he's lying and acting and I'm not comfortable writing for him when I can't figure out what his deal is.

I've been working on this for days and simply cannot perceive it any more so please forgive typos and... god everything else. It's so long.

I formatted it as "bad end" and "good end" so the bad ends are like the absolute worst and most exaggerated negative outcomes and behaviors while the good ends assume everyone behaves as if they are capable of being rational (which they are). This doesn't mean to romanticize any of the toxic behaviors, we're just having fun :)!

If you disagree.... [I am already laying dead on the floor]

Zenji

Bad End: You have to be the toxic one for a bad end and you have to be downright CRIMINAL to make Zenji break up with you. You have to be breaking his damn heart because he'll forgive you for so much. You could be having sex with a bunch of other people and plan the timing so he'd see it and he'd sadly be like, oh of course, I can't really show them that kind of affection the way that I am… I'm grateful they spend any time with me at all. If you do this to him, I'm killing you actually. If you cheat on Zenji, I'm coming out of your Tumblr browsing device like the girl from the Ring and I'm attacking you. He's TOO GOOD AND SWEET for you to do this to him 😡😡😡

Good End: He's very forgiving and understanding and doesn't really get jealous. If he's worried about you being unhappy with him or his situation, he will talk to you about it and give you 100 outs to break up with him amicably. If you refuse them all and tell him you don't want anyone else, he'll be overjoyed if not still feeling very bittersweet. Expect to hear a sad little poem or song about lovers doomed to live on opposite sides of mortality or something.

Jiro

Bad End: You’re going to have to be the toxic one here for a bad end and that bad end is very simple and succinct. He tells you that if you want to see other people, you can break up with him. And then he waits for you to respond because he’s not putting up with this. If you break up with him, that’s that, he’s washed his hands of you and is moving on. If you ask him out again later, he’ll just tell you he doesn’t have the time to waste on someone who’s so disloyal. If you don’t break up with him, and you are a cheating bastard, when he sees it (and he WILL, because his ass is NOT DUMB), he’ll break up with you and ask that you don’t bother him again. Further attempts at communication will be very brief.

Good End: He’s too straightforward for this. If he sees you being “too friendly” with someone, he will ask you point blank what was going on there. He doesn’t mind you being friendly or affectionate with other people, he doesn’t overreact when you get hit on, he doesn’t have a problem with you wanting to spend a night with friends instead of him. He’s just like, that’s fine. Bring a jacket because it’ll be cold. If you’re uncomfortable because someone’s hitting on you, he’s just like okay, I’m in the situation now, and that’s generally enough to stop anyone from being handsy or flirty with you because Jiro is like 6’6. Who’s trying to fight him, let’s be real. If they keep going he’s just like, okay I’ll take my s/o and go then. Just an unbothered KING. This is what you want in a man BELIEVE ME. He just behaves rationally and calmly even if he could chainsaw someone to death.

That being said, if he has to chainsaw murder someone to death, I don't think he'll feel that bad about it.

Ed

Bad End: He might pull some of his sickly old man cards out to be like ah, my dear, please don’t leave me today while my health is failing. You should cancel your plans and watch this Youtuber stream the process of building a house in the rain forest out of clay and sticks with me… I need you to take care of me... He just milks your sympathy for all he can get. 

Good End: Really, he’s not TOO worried because he is immortal, he is a powerful vampire, and he does kind of want to have a degree of separation from you due to your fragile human mortality. I can’t imagine Ed being the most monogamous lover, and while he might not be interested in pursuing other people while he’s with you, I can see him adopting a stance of “you’re young, you should experience all life has to offer” in regards to your social life. He might poke at you like oh, did the young lad you went to see a movie with take adequate care of you or do I need to make up for his inexperience now? He’s not too worried if you go elsewhere, he has time, he’ll be the most serious love in your life at least.

Luca

Bad End: He jumps to conclusions, big shocker. He reads into your emotions and expressions and uses them as evidence to prove his own beliefs. He thinks he's doing right by you, protecting you, when he sees you frown while talking to someone or recoil when they try to touch you and immediately jumps in to protect you. He scolds people and doesn't hesitate to start and end a fight if they react aggressively. But also…he perceives a lot more danger towards you than there is, and can't always differentiate his jealousy and your actual safety. You end up with a lot of friendships being destroyed by your knight in shining armor who can't stop threatening people with bodily harm if they don't back away from you. When he sees this bothering you, he stops intervening on your behalf when you can see it and starts doing it behind your back. You're just weaker, it's fine, he's stronger and it's his duty to protect you even if you don't always agree with it.

Good End: He still jumps to conclusions and assumes the worst, but you can talk him down. No, Luca, one unhappy expression doesn't mean this person has dishonored me and my entire family. You don't need to pull your swords out! He is a gentleman more than anything and doesn't want to burden you with his own insecurities, so he tries to hold back and only brings things up to you when he's too worried to be quiet. Admittedly, it's not super often that he's jealous. He wants to think the best of you and doesn’t think that you’d actually reciprocate any of the advances that anyone makes on you. He would not date someone who he doubts is capable of loyalty. Also, he's so focused on his own goals, sadly you are kind of a second priority to him even if he would never admit it to you or himself.

Alan

Bad End: He's more protective and suspicious than jealous and does get it into his head that you're fragile and delicate and anyone could hurt you. He worries that you can't see the dangers he can, so he just…happens to be nearby when you're out for friends, just in case. He wants to know where you'll be so he can come get you immediately if something happens. And if someone does cross your boundaries, if they lay a hand on you, if he sees you look scared or uncomfortable? He'll comfort you after they're dealt with. Just don't be scared of him, you might not have known you were in danger, but he knew what they were thinking and planning and they won't ever be able to threaten you again.

Good End: He isn't the most technologically adept so he does want your itinerary before you go out without him. It is for safety and not jealousy, because he truly doesn't get jealous too often. He trusts you and he trusts your judgement, he has to or else he wouldn't be dating you. He WILL still step in the second he sees that you're uncomfortable, and he WILL lay a bitch out if necessary, but it's normally enough for him to just walk up to you to get anyone to back off. He still wants to set certain boundaries, like he doesn't like you going out at night alone because it's dangerous, not because he's afraid you're meeting your secret lover. If he had that many doubts about your loyalty, he would just break it off.

Haku

Bad End: You really are the forgiving type, huh? Oh, you don't know what that person did? Well, he really shouldn't tell you if you don't know. It'll come out if it has to, right? Just be careful around them. - That's what he does. He sows seeds of doubt in your relationships, so carefully that you don't even realize it's a pattern and eventually you're really not sure who to trust. Haku is always honest with you though, so you can trust him, and if he gives you a pitying look when you say you've made a new friend with someone, it's probably safest to drop them before they hurt you. He really isn't the most jealous, so he doesn't do this too often, but he does it whenever he is, whether he feels guilty for it or not. Ultimately, he IS just protecting you. They might not have done anything to hurt you YET, but they probably would if he didn't step in.

Good End: Otherwise, he's really pretty chill. He believes in your right to agency and if you do ever break any boundaries, he'll talk to you about it and decide if it's something he can live with. It's not like he's a saint. The charming, flirtatious comments come out naturally and he won’t stop complimenting the cashier/waitress/etc if it means getting a discount or better service. That benefits you, too! So what if he makes a few jokes about “my s/o saw you from across the bar and really digged your vibe” and the like. He isn’t serious, not like he is with you, and he’s happy to spend all night proving it to you.

Ritsu

Bad End: Somehow he knows everything about everyone you've been around, talked to, dated, etc. He's pulling receipts. You spent 20 minutes talking to X. Tell me what it was about. You went to this place before our date but it's outside of your routine and I don't see any reason for you to have been there. Please explain clearly why you went and what you did there. He probably has a full dossier on you and he keeps it meticulously updated and you can know about it if you want, but it's probably beyond your understanding so he'll only let you glance at it before he's locking it back up. He wants to draft up contracts, probably, and might even try to get restraining orders for you against people he feels are threats to you and your relationship. And if you're upset about it? Well, you already agreed to section 14 clause B, so if you break up with him now you'll suffer the consequences of breaching your contract. What are the consequences? That's another thick binder, you don't need to read it because you won’t have anything to do with it as long as you don't break your obligations to him.

Good End: He's still very organized and detail oriented, but he's also like: Okay, if I have proof of you cheating, I'm obligated to break our contract- I mean relationship. Essentially the same thing. He doesn't feel as much of a need to obsessively watch over you since he feels confident in the terms he laid out and your verbal agreement to abide by them. If you hang out with someone else, you should tell him what went on and know that if you're found committing perjury or in contempt of the court (okay Ritsu, same thing), then he's breaking up with you. He trusts you but still needs clear communication.

Tohma

Bad End: He always knows where you are and who you’re with and he knows everything about them, too. Interesting that you were hanging out with a known playboy, did you really think he cared about you or are you just as bad as he is? No, that’s not an insult, he’s merely asking. - Tohma asks leading questions and gets you confused so you end up saying exactly what he wants you to say, even if it’s not the truth. Yes I was no I wasn’t here or there or?? And then he’s holding your hand delicately and kissing the back of it and telling you not to worry so much, it’s easy to make mistakes, but that’s why he’s here to help you. For most of the people he doesn’t like you hanging around, he has a reason to convince you to stay away from them. He's not above paying someone off or threatening them or blackmailing them to stay away from you. You get so flustered and upset when you’re confused and uncertain, so he’ll just take all of that uncertainty out of your life. If that means that all you have is him and his hand selected friend group for you, that’s good enough for you both, right?

Good End: He’s still surveilling everything and somehow knows that that person you’re talking to has 2 DUIs, but he just offers this information to you when he really thinks it's dangerous. Like, if you’re hanging out w/ Mr. Drink and Drive, he won’t necessarily say anything unless you’re going to be going out with him to drink and or drive somewhere. In which case, Tohma will tell you that he uncovered some concerning information about their ability to drink responsibly and ask that you use your best judgement. If you choose to still go somewhere potentially dangerous with them, he’ll just do what he has to to keep you safe there and make his disagreement known, but he won’t force you to do anything unless he really thinks that you are walking into inevitable danger. It’s really less jealousy and more being an overbearing and overprotective boyfriend who would baby proof your apartment for you if you so much as tripped over your own misplaced shoes once.

Sho

Bad End: It starts with you hanging out as a trio: Sho, Leo, and you. It's fine at first, and he pretends it doesn't bother him when Leo is snuggling up to you or jokingly calling you their s/o. He just pulls you away and holds you close and tells Leo to back off and Leo laughs and acts like he wasn't even being serious. And then you have inside jokes with Leo, and not him, and you're invited to hang out with Leo alone, and sometimes Sho walks into a room and he SWEARS that you two were talking about him before he walked in. Over time, he can't help but feel every action of possession towards you is just humoring Leo, who really has you, but he also knows the second he stops wanting you or admits his loss, Leo will get bored and throw you aside like an old toy. Only Leo doesn't let his toys go for someone else to pick up and enjoy. He breaks them so no one would ever be able to love them again. So Sho stays and deals and shares you and never feels like he really ever has you, but he can't let you go or you'll be ruined forever.

Good End: He's not too worried. He does his own things, has his own friends, his own plans, and he'd kind of think less of you if you lived exclusively for him. If you want to go out with friends, even if it's with other guys, he's fine, he just makes sure to kiss you extra messily before you part ways for the night and tells you you better not go forgetting about him while you're away. As if you could after that. The only person he kind of gets bothered by is Leo, and that's more for your safety than because he's afraid of you cheating on him or falling for Leo. He knows him and he knows that even though Leo is his friend, maybe even specifically because he is, he wouldn't hesitate to use and manipulate you. So Sho tells you to keep your distance (as much as that's possible) from him. He does also want to meet anyone that you get close to are already are close to, partially to make his own judgement about their intentions and partially to be ready to put on a show of treating you better than they ever could.

Haru

Bad End: Two words: Guilt Trip. Oh, you wanted to hang out with someone else today? That's fine! He'll tell Peekaboo and the other animals you're too busy to see them. They're animals so they won't really understand, but he'll do his best to love them enough for the loss in your affection. And wow, that other friend of yours, you hang out with them a lot. Should he be worried? Haha! Just a joke! He wasn't serious, you're responsible and you wouldn't abandon him and everyone else when they need you. You're not a bad person like that. - So you end up canceling plans with other people and staying with Haru. You can't stand putting more on his plate… he also has a tracker on your phone and asks where you were in a casual way so if you say something else, he's like. Weird! That's not what I thought, but you'd never lie to me, so I guess I can trust you! (He does not.) It just gets to the point where you’re not sure how much he knows, because he never really admits how much he does, but he always seems to know more than he’s letting on.

Good End: He doesn't MEAN to guilt trip you with sad pictures of Peekaboo when you're out with other people, he does just miss you and he's worried he's too much for you to handle and feels like he has to convince you that you love him. You can tell him he doesn't have to worry about it, you like spending time with him and he's your priority, but just like he needs to sometimes put his job first or go hang out at Rui's bar, you need to spend time with other friends and do things on your own! He still can be a bit clingy, wanting to know where you are, who you’re with, making sure they’re not hitting on you or anything because he KNOWS you’re a catch, but you can just calmly redirect that energy and he’ll cool himself off. He’s not unreasonable!

Lyca

Bad End: He's a territorial dog through and through. He doesn't like anyone touching what is his, he doesn't want anyone encroaching on your space, and he is very sensitive to you smelling like anything he isn't familiar with. He will cause a fuss and jump to violence if someone gets handsy with you, even if it's innocent, friendly, and consented to by you. A friend hugs you? No, nope, that's not okay. Your HIS favorite and no one is going to take you from him. Mostly, it stems from a place of fear of losing you, of being abandoned again. He doesn't see you as completely innocent the way some of the others might, and it's a toss up whether he's mad at you or mad at the other person. Why would you try to leave him? Why would you let someone take you away from him? Why does everyone abandon him?? Even at his worst, I don't see him wanting to lock you away or anything since he knows from experience how awful that is, but he would insist on accompanying you everywhere.

Good End: He's still a dog and he's still afraid of you leaving him, but he has people like Subaru who talk him down and convince him that it's okay if you have other people in your life! Lyca does too, and that doesn't make you less meaningful to him. He doesn't like strangers (to him) getting too close to you, so you really do have to do that introducing him through a door to your other friends thing, the same as you would for a new pet. And you probably have to make some allowances around letting him take some of your clothes to snuggle up with when you're away.

Kaito 

Bad End: Everyone is a threat to his relationship with you and he’s a swinging pendulum between overreacting on the spot and trying a number of things to prove you’re with him OR going home and sobbing into his pillows, preparing for the inevitable “we should see other people” text. He will overreact, realize he overreacted, and then send you a slew of texts apologizing, explaining himself, apologizing for the mass of texts, and then being like oh haha lol my phone fell and typed all that, you can just delete those texts… He gets really stuck in his head about it all and will start begging you to not leave him and just tell him what he can do to be good enough for you. It doesn't matter what you say, how many friendships you cut off, how much time you spend with him- he's never going to think he's worthy enough for you and he's never going to trust that you aren't trying to move on.

Good End: He still struggles with trying to prove his worth and being very easily upset about perceived disloyalty. He's easier to talk down though, and you just need one good conversation to tell him that you love him, you want to be with him, and if he feels threatened or unsure, he should tell you first and not try to “fix” problems in your relationship that aren't even there. He feels better after that, and he has a long way to go to gain more self confidence and even trust in others, but he definitely can do it with time and effort.

Rui

Bad End: He's very torn. On one hand, he loves you, he's grateful for you being in his life, and he knows if he COULD, he'd take such perfect care of you that you wouldn't even be able to think about leaving him for anyone else. On the other hand…he knows he has one big limitation, and hates to think that you would suffer from his curse as well. So he convinces himself that it's fine if you're intimate with someone else. He can't touch you, but that doesn't mean you should go untouched. He'll agree if you want an open relationship and it will absolutely devastate him but he'll smile through it. He'll just be perfect whenever you're with him, never disagreeing, always complimenting and praising you, never giving you any reason to want to leave him. It gets to the point where he's acting in every single situation with you, completely overwhelmed with nightmares of your relationships with others, but desperate not to lose what little he has of you. 

Good End: He's still suffering from some insecurities about what he can't give you, and does try to overcompensate in every other field of romance to try to make up for it. For your part, you just have to make it clear that you DON'T want anyone else, that you will make it work with him, and the lack of intimacy might suck but it hopefully won't be permanent and you'll wait for him! This sentiment is so earth shattering for him he wants to just pick you up and spin you around on the spot (but he won't, don't worry). He still gets some worries every once in a while, but do the Pushing Daisies thing where you kiss him through cling wrap and share sweets and drinks with him for “indirect kisses” and sweetly ask to sleep in his clothes to be close to him and he'll be able to let go of a lot of his pressing worries.

Ren

Bad End: He has bad coping mechanisms and he's very pessimistic and negative. Of course he sees you walking with someone else and he convinces himself you're cheating on him. He doesn't go straight at you with this, though. He starts with making self deprecating comments like, “Yeah whatever, of course you're late. Why would you be on time for me when you were having such a good time with someone else?”  and then specifically name-dropping this other person like asking if you had a good time with them, even if you weren't with them, and he's like rolling his eyes when you deny it. It goes so far and he becomes completely convinced that you're cheating on him, but… he doesn't want to break up with you. He keeps complaining and when you snap and you're like fine! If you don't trust me at all, why are you even with me? That's when he's hugging you too tightly and saying it's fine, he can put up with it, just don't leave him, he'll still be your boyfriend even if you're a cheating whore- he didn't mean that.

Good End: he's still jealous and jumps to the worst conclusions, but you talk to him! Because communication truly works wonders. And you can tell him you have other friends but only one Ren 💜 and he says you're cheesy but he feels better. Just when you're out and you run into anyone who he has suspicions about, it's best to be a little annoying with how much PDA you're showing him. Like hold his hand and snuggle up to him and call him terrible pet names and he HATES it but he also feels so very comforted by it all. There are still plenty of times where he talks shit about other people he doesn't like you hanging out with though, so try not to take too much offense and just clearly remind him he's being a dick and you're about to spray him with water if he doesn't stop it.

Leo

Bad End: Honestly, he's offended that you're making him feel this way. What kind of abusive gaslighter are you to be manipulating him into being worried about your loyalty to him? He's the victim. How are you going to fix it? - That's what he does to you. He uses his own (overacted) feelings to make you feel guilty and morally in the wrong so you fawn over him and apologize and try to make up with him. He'll let you grovel and beg and he'll sniffle through fake tears and pet your head and tell you that you're lucky he's so forgiving, no one else would put up with how bad a person you are. He's really a saint for taking you back after you talked to and smiled at that barista today. You won't do that again, right? You won't talk to anyone he doesn't want you talking to? You won't go out without him?

And… well, since you were an adulterous cheater… it's only fair he gets to have his fun without you, right? 

Good End: I mean he's still a dick but you don't let him get into your head. No, bitch, I was not hitting on the cashier at Walgreens, I was buying Plan B because SOMEONE claims to be allergic to latex. He does like pushing your buttons and it's hard to tell exactly when he's seriously jealous (Why would he ever be jealous about you? They're only hitting on you to get to him, obvi). He does plenty behind the scenes, posting you but never your face, keeping your information extremely private and impossible to get to, blackmailing anyone who might know you personally and risks letting anything out. He's doing it for his image, not yours. Okay, maybe it’s a little bit for your image, he can’t be seen dating trash.

Bonus: Even though he is possessive, he would scheme to get you to do things with Sho. He's like I don't care, treat him like a toy I bought you 💜 I’ll watch and help you get the most use out of him.

YANDERE LEVEL!!! Consider them tied for first place:

Yuri

Bad End: Yikes! You just became this doctor's most favorite lab subject! And since you're his favorite, you can't be sullied by the dirty, germ ridden worms outside. You should stay with him, and he'll take care of you, especially because you're so sick. You weren't sick when he fell for you, but you keep getting worse and you're sooo grateful that he takes such good care of you. It's terrible that you ended up bedridden for days after seeing your childhood friend or favorite coworker or someone else you USED to be close to, but he makes your medicine specifically for you and keeps your room at the perfect temperature. Could you ask for a more doting boyfriend? He reminds you that your condition worsens when you go out in public, so he'll supervise any visits anyone wants to make to you. And don't cry that no one has been coming for the last few weeks! They weren't good enough for you (he denied their requests to visit). He's all you need. Really, you won’t even see Jiro after a while, but it won’t matter because you can’t even get out of bed without Yuri to help you.

Good End: He's so insecure and his grandiose act is an act, it's fake it till you make it theatrics. He will swat at Jiro and scold him like there won't be a tomorrow if poor Jiro talks to you or tries to do anything physical towards you in your checkups. Yuri has to be your ONLY doctor, he can do all of it! Please let him do all of it. He assumes you're looking for someone better, so he's constantly trying to convince you he's the best or that you have to only have eyes for him. Even in the good end, he is trying to forbid you from going to certain places (Frostheim) because he's afraid you'll leave him. He wants you to just stay in the lab or otherwise nearby so he can see you on his time and make sure you're not talking to anyone else out there… He just doesn't deal with jealousy well, but it stems from severe insecurities more than anything for him.

Taiga

Bad End: Till death do us part, kitty-cat. When he commits you to memory it's over for you. He'll drag you out of any situation he doesn't like you being in, making sure to show off the entire time that you are absolutely not an option to anyone but him. He's very quick to violence and will be covered in blood and horny more often than anyone really should be. He doesn't really care about your agency in things. You pissed him off and made him jealous, but it's not you who he's going to punish. He's going to beat the other person until they're unrecognizable, and he'll keep doing it until you get it through your head that he was dead serious about death being the only thing that's getting you away from him. Kind of jealous where he reacts poorly and then holds your head still so you have to look at the consequences and he's like, that's all you, kitten. That's what you made me do. If you don't like it, don't piss me off again.

Good End: he's still easily jealous, and he wants to react with violence, but you're not into that and you can convince him it's not worth his time. So he'll make some threats and that's normally enough to get people to stay away from you both. He likes when you hang around with him, his pretty little kitty, but he also gets in moods where he wants to be alone and can't put up with another person so he's not too bothered when you hang out with friends. As long as they don't put any moves on you and you're in his bed at the end of the day, you can do what you want. Just if anyone asks, you're his. No arguments or they're getting shot.

bonus: Probably would be willing to share you with Lulu, just he wants to watch or be involved as well. His two pretty kittens <3 

Towa 

Bad End: oh baby he's killing the competition. He doesn't even hesitate. Someone dares put their hands on you? Lightning strike. Anomalous animal attack. Poison in the water supply. He does not have patience with dealing with people who, to him, want to ruin your love story and hurt you. He doesn't really acknowledge your agency in most things. You're his sweet little Dandelion and those disgusting people are trying to take you away from him. Don't worry, he'll protect you and you can go right back to being his obedient little love. You're not pushing him away, you're just brainwashed by those evil people. Just stay close to him (you don't have a choice) and he'll put it all right again.

Also…he wants Haru in the love story too. He's like the kid slamming his dolls together to make them kiss, so congrats on two boyfriends? Towa’s very doting towards both of you even if he forgets that you can't survive off eating flowers and sometimes you need to sleep.

Good End: He can be the kind of “cute” jealous where he's pouting, wrapping his arms around you, biting you for attention and to assert dominance, even throwing things at people who he's bothered by. You can scold him but he's just biting you harder now and trying to drag you away where you won't be bothered by the mean people who are interrupting his time with his Dandelion. He doesn't really GET the boundaries you try to set, but if you word it right, then he'll respect them. You think he's respecting them, at least. You don't see him poisoning people behind your back. 

He still wants you and Haru to be together too though, so, I mean again, congratulations on the two boyfriends even if Haru is politely excusing himself and apologizing whenever Towa tries to initiate a threesome. Is this a good end? Towa is just kind of Like That. Godspeed.

Jin 

Bad End: It starts slow, he wants to know why you were late. Who were you with? And then he wants to check your phone and read your texts. And then you don't know when he's reading your texts because he set something up that gives him access to your phone whenever he wants. And then people you thought were your friends don't want to talk to you anymore and actually seem a bit afraid being around you at all. And then you're upset and you don't know who else to go to but Jin, who says they're all good for nothing assholes and you don't need them.

And then there's really no reason for you to go to classes or have a job. All you're good for is being his servant, and you like it, right? Because he buys you things, specifically jewelry that you can't take off yourself, bracelets that feel like handcuffs and necklaces that feel like collars. But more than that, you just like being his. It’s easier to not have to use your little brain to make bad decisions. So just stay with him, do what he says, and he'll take care of you.

Good End: It starts the same way as the bad end, but you call him on his shit. He doesn't need to know all of these details and if he does, you'll tell him. He needs to trust you or else he needs to break up with you. He might break up with you, because he's mad that you're being insubordinate and then a few days later he's texting you to come to his room and he's like…whatever, that argument was stupid. You can’t be dumb enough to want anyone else when you have the best anyone can get. (Come cuddle with me before I go crazy.) You have to put up with a level of his emotional immaturity to be with him, but he'll mellow out a bit over time with the jealousy. He'll be more amused at people he thinks are lesser than him trying to hit on you and kind of just likes to mess with them instead of being straight to social ruin and murder. Anyone he actually feels is a threat though, that'll be an argument if you want to keep them in your life because he's stubborn and arrogant and knows he's right.

Romeo

Bad End: No, he's not jealous. He doesn't let himself get to that point because when he sees you with someone else and he doesn't like it? Get in the cage. Lol. No, I'm not joking. Definition of possessive. He doesn't like you talking to his subordinates even when he tells you to. He doesn't want you going out of his sight, and honestly, it's easier for him to keep you protected if you just never leave your room. Your room being one that he's made up for you, decorated, and fitted with security cameras so he can check on whenever he wants. 

He just wants to hold you and brush your hair for you and pick out outfits for you and let you lay around in perfect luxury. And if you want to leave? You don't need to walk as long anymore. You're not going anywhere. (Guy who cuts your Achilles tendon so you can't walk. There, I said it.)

Good End: He's so jealous. He's snapping at anyone who gets too close to you or you get too close to yourself. He is demanding to check your texts so he knows you're not talking to people he wouldn't approve of. This is toxic as all hell, so you can (risk your life) tell him he needs to CHILL. Like you'd waste your time with someone else when you already have the prettiest boyfriend alive. He likes the ego stroking and he can't deny the logic, he's not dating an idiot. You just have to make sure you're giving him enough reassurance that you don't have any interest in anyone else, and sometimes let him let off that insanely jealous energy by threatening someone. I know this is labeled “good end” and he's still toxic but this is good for Romeo okay, Romeo fans aren't trying to get with him because he's been to therapy. You know why you're here.

[thebahwrites]

the whole ‘spoons’ thing is so real when you’re chronically ill because some days are just like “Hey I feel great” and then you do two things in five hours suddenly it’s 6pm and you’re already wanting to crawl into bed.

[lee-laurent]

Finding A Way - Luke Hughes

Summary: Luke is smitten with the new media girl for the Devils, the only issue... she has a boyfriend already (and he's a Flyers fan)

Content: angst, fluff, cheating, unhealthy relationship, emotional abuse, mentions of sex but no smut

wc: 6.5k

notes: this fic deals with some serious issues, so if you're not comfortable reading PLEASE do not continue. your mental health is wayyyyy more important than a fic, i promise :) however if you do decide to read, enjoy! i've had this written in my notes app for a while and just decided to finish it and put it on here!

Adelaide giggled as Luke stopped suddenly, letting the ice spray over the girl and her camera. Jack watched from the other side of the ice with Nico, rolling his eyes at the sight. Luke had been flirting with the new media girl since the season started but was still adamant that he didn't like her in a romantic way.

"When is he gonna ask her out?" Nico asked, knocking his should with Jack's.

"He still claims that he doesn't like her," Jack shrugged, narrowing his eyes as Adelaide giggled again.

"Well, he's clearly lying. Because they're definitely flirting."

"I keep telling him to bring her over, but he refuses."

"What's going on?" Dawson asked, joining his teammates.

"My brother is trying to get with the media girl."

"Adelaide? I don't blame him; she's hot."

"We all know she's hot, Mercer. It's just that he's too chicken to actually ask her out."

"Luke, you're supposed to be practicing," Adelaide teased, wiping the ice from her camera lens.

"I was just coming closer so you can get some good shots of me," Luke cheesed.

"I have enough photos of you. Tell your brother to start moving so I can get some of him.

"Oh, I see how it is. You want pictures of Jack, but not me. Should've known. He always gets the girls," he smirked.

Adelaid blushed at Luke's teasing, hiding her face in her hands. She'd be lying if she said she didn't find the rookie cute. He had made her feel welcome since day one, which the media girl thought was strange seeing as Luke was the shyer of the two Hughes boys.

"I didn't say that at all, Luke. Now go practice before you get us both in trouble."

Luke offered her one last smile, before joining the boys in their next drill. He caught Adelaide's eye few more times during practice, but she was busy taking pictures and speaking with her coworkers to pay him much attention. However, he was able to catch her as he was leaving the locker-room.

"Ady! Wait! Do you need a ride home?" he panted.

"Oh, um, I have a ride. Thanks though, Luke."

"Oh, who's your-"

"Babe! Come on!" a man standing near the entrance shouted. Luke felt his heart drop at the other man's words. He had just called the woman that Luke liked "babe." He could have sworn she was flirting back... guess not.

"One second, Matt! I'm just saying goodbye to Luke."

Luke watch the other man, Matt, roll his eyes and cross his arms over his chest. Tapping his foot impatiently as Adelaide turned to the rookie one last time.

"Maybe I'll bum a ride off you and Jack another time. I'll see you tomorrow afternoon for the game," she smiled, patting him on the shoulder. Luke watched from afar as Matt interlaced his fingers with Adelaide's, talking to her quickly and quietly.

"Come on, Rusty. Where's Ady? I thought you were offering her a ride?" Jack asked, snapping his brother out his stupor.

"She just left with her... boyfriend?"

"She has a boyfriend? Damn. Could've sworn she was into you. Sorry, bro."

Jack's words just pissed Luke off further. He turned on his heel, storming off to the boys' car.

"Luke, you can't mope around for the rest of the day just because the media girl has a boyfriend. I mean, the whole team thinks she's hot, so I'm not surprised she's taken," Jack tried to cheer up his younger brother.

"You're not helping, Jack."

"Sorry, I'm trying," Jack rolled his eyes.

"Just leave me alone. I'm not in the mood to deal with your dumbass."

"Whatever."

"Matt, it's not like that. He was just being nice."

"Sure, he was, Ady. Because all those horny hockey boys you work with are always just 'being nice.'"

"You're being unreasonable. Luke is new like me. He's just helping me fit in."

"I don't want you talking to him unless it's work related."

"Okay. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable," Ady sighed, looking down at the floor.

"It's ok, princess. I'm not mad," Matt cooed, wrapping his arms around her waist. "I love you."

"I love you too, Matt," she cracked a small smile, pressing a kiss to his lips.

Adelaide loved Matt. And Matt loved Adelaide. They'd been together for almost a year. He protected her from the guys she worked with, at least that's what he told her. Without Matt she wouldn't be safe. She needed him.

"Alright, have a good game. I'm out tonight with the boys, so make sure you get a ride with... what's her name? Sandra?"

"Sarah, Matt. Her name is Sarah. I've told you that like ten times today," Ady sighed, opening the car door.

"Whatever. Doesn't matter. I'll be out late, so don't wait up." And with that, Matt had driven off. Addy sighed, brushing her hair out of her face. She just needed to get through the game and ask Sarah for a ride home. Easy enough; she'd be fine. And everything would go as planned and-

"Adelaide!"

Her eyes shot up, locking with no other than Jack Hughes'. She looked around as if he'd be calling on someone else, but she was the only person in the room.

"Um, hi, Jack."

"Can I speak with you for a moment?" he begged.

"Yeah, sure. What's up?"

"So, you know my brother Luke?"

"Yeah? We work together?"

"Right, so... he has a HUGE crush on you and I was wondering if-"

"I have a boyfriend."

"Oh. Okay, but-"

"I love my boyfriend."

"But-"

"No 'buts.' This conversation is done. I love Matt."

"Yeah, you said that," Jack furrowed his brow, watching as she sped away to her office. Who was she trying to convince about loving Matt? Jack or herself?

Jack stood there, his mind racing. He watched Adelaide disappear into her office, a part of him still hopeful that maybe there was more to the situation than met the eye. But her words her clear, and it wasn't his place to push any further.

As he walked back to the locker room, he saw Luke waiting by the team's gear. The younger Hughes brother looked like he was trying to shake off a bad mood, but his face was still set in a scowl.

"Hey bro, you alright?" Jack asked, trying his best to sound natural.

Luke shrugged, not meeting his brother's gaze, "Yeah, just... not feeling great."

Jack hesitated before replying, "Look, I know you're bummed about Adelaide. But if she's with Matt and she says she loves him, then... well there's not much you can do."

Luke nodded, but his mind was clearly elsewhere. The team gathered for their pre-game talk, but the tension between the brothers was palpable. Jack glanced over at Luke frequently, wishing he could say something to make things better, but he knew some things were just out of his control.

Meanwhile, Adelaide was back in her office, trying to focus on the game. But the encounter with Jack kept replaying in her mind. She knew Matt could be overprotective, but his jealousy was like a thorn in her side.

As she was preparing to leave for the rink, her phone buzzed. It was a text from Sarah, confirming her ride home. She felt a small sense of relief. At least she wouldn't have to worry about getting home alone.

~~

The game was intense. Adelaide took photos from the sidelines, trying to stay fully focused on her job. But her thoughts just kept drifting back to Luke and her conversation with Jack. She saw Luke on the ice, giving it his all, and she felt a pang of regret.

After the game as the players were filing out, Adelaide was about to leave when Jack approached her again.

"Hey, Ady. Can I talk to you for a second?" he asked, his tone softer than before.

"Sure, what's up?" she replied, trying to hide her exhaustion.

"I just wanted to apologize if I pushed too hard earlier. I just thought maybe-"

"I appreciate it, Jack. But it really is just how things are. Matt and I... are committed to each other."

"Yeah, I get that. I just hate seeing my brother like this."

"I understand. It's complicated, and I wish it were easier. But thanks for understanding."

Jack nodded and gave her a small, sympathetic smile, "Alright, well, see you around, Adelaide."

"Bye, Jack."

As she walked out to meet Sarah, she felt a mix of relief and uncertainty. She loved Matt, but the situation with Luke had stirred up emotions she wasn't ready to confront. For now, she needed to get through the night and take things one step at a time.

~~

The days that followed were a blur for Adelaide. Her interactions with Luke were limited to work-related conversations and occasional small talk. She did her best to remain professional, but the chemistry between the two still lingered in her mind.

One evening, after a win against the Rangers, the team was out for drinks to celebrate. Adelaide was there with Sarah, trying to enjoy the night and push away the nagging thoughts of Luke.

Luke, for his part, was trying to keep his distance, but it was clear he was still hung up on Ady. When the group decided to hit up the nearby bar after the game, Adelaide and Sarah were among the last to arrive. And once he saw her in the bar, the alcohol in his system was not going to keep him from talking to her.

"Hey, Ady," he smiled, approaching her and Sarah. "Glad you made it."

"Hi, Luke," she replied, her voice tinged with a mixture of relief and hesitation.

They chatted casually at first, but as the night went on, Adelaide found herself increasingly drawn to Luke. They laughed together, shared stories, and for a brief moment, the complications of her life seemed to melt away. The alcohol added a sense of liberation, and she noticed Luke looking at her with an intensity that made her heart race.

Eventually, the group's conversation grew more rowdy, and Sarah got caught up in chatting with some friends of the team. Adelaide, feeling a bit detached, slipped outside for some fresh air. Luke, quickly noting her absence, followed her.

"Ady, you okay?" he asked, his voice laced with concern.

"Yeah, just needed a breather," she said, looking up at the stars. "It's been a long week."

Luke stepped closer, his gaze locking with hers. "You don't have to put on a brave face all the time, you know. It's okay to feel tired and burnt out."

She smiled faintly, "Thanks, Luke. It's just... everything's been a bit overwhelming lately."

Before she could react, Luke reached out and gently touched her arm. The warmth of his hand sent a shiver down her spine. Adelaide looked up, her heart pounding. Luke's gaze was intense, and she could see the vulnerability in his eyes.

In a moment of impulsive recklessness, Adelaide leaned in, and their lips met. The kiss was electric, filled with a mix of desperation and longing. For a moment, all the complications, the guilt, and the responsibilities faded away.

When they finally pulled apart, both of them were breathless. Adelaide's mind was racing, torn between her love for Matt and the undeniable connection she felt with Luke.

"I shouldn't have-" Adelaide started, but Luke gently placed a finger on her lips.

"It's okay," he said softly. "We don't have to figure anything out right now."

She nodded, feeling a rush of confusion and regret. "I need to get back inside."

Luke watched her walk back into the bar, a mix of hope and apprehension in his eyes. He knew that this was just the beginning of a much more complicated situation.

Back inside, Adelaide's heart was heavy as she rejoined Sarah and the group. The guilt of what had just happened weighed on her, but she couldn't ignore the thrill and the intensity of the moment with Luke. As the night went on, she tried her best to act normal, but her mind was consumer by the memory of kissing Luke.

~~

The argument had started over something small- Matt's habit of not cleaning up after himself- but it quickly escalated. Adelaide and Matt were in the kitchen of their apartment, voices raised.

"Seriously, Matt? I've asked you a million times to clean up your dishes!" Ady's frustration was evident, as she slammed a dish into the sink.

"I'm tired of this, Ady!" Mat retorted, his face flushed with anger. "It's not like I'm trying to ignore you. I've been busy with work and-"

"Busy? You're always busy with work, but you can't even make a little effort here?!" she shouted, her hands on her hips. "It's not just about the dishes; it's about the respect!"

Matt threw his hands up in exasperation. "Respect? You think I don't respect you? I work hard so we can have a good life. I'm tired of you always nitpicking!"

"It's not nitpicking, Matthew! It's about being partners in a relationship. I feel like I'm doing everything on my own," her voice trembled.

Matt's face hardened. "Maybe if you were a little more understanding, you'd see how much I'm trying. But no, you're just focused on what I'm not doing."

Her eyes filled with tears, "I'm not asking for perfection. I'm asking for some consideration. I'm tired of feeling like I'm always the bad guy here."

Matt's anger seemed to shift into frustration. "You know what? Maybe we need some space. I can't keep doing this every day."

The harshness in his voice stung, and Adelaide felt her heart sink. "So what? You want to just walk away?"

"No, I'm just saying maybe we need to take a break from fighting all the time. I need to cool off," Matt said, grabbing his jacket. "I'm going out with the guys tonight. Maybe that'll help."

Adelaide watched as he stormed out, the door slamming behind him. She was left standing in the kitchen, feeling a mix of anger, sadness, and frustration. The apartment felt cold and empty without him.

With no one else to turn to, Ady grabbed her phone and, in a moment of desperation, texted Luke, asking if she coud come over. Her unresolved emotions driving her to seek comfort elsewhere.

When she arrived at Luke and Jack's apartment, her mind was clouded with the aftermath of the fight. Luke opened the door, his concern clear as day as he saw her tear-stained face.

"Ady, what happened?" Luke asked, pulling her into the apartment.

"I just... needed to get away," she replied, her voice breaking as she sunk into the couch.

Luke sat next to her, "Do you wanna talk about it?"

"I don't even know where to start," she laughed bitterly. "Matt and I had this huge fight. It's like we can't even get along anymore."

As Adelaide opened up about her frustrations, the conversation slowly shifted from comforting to more personal. The tension between the two grew palpable, and before they knew it, their emotions overwhelmed them. The lines between comfort and intimacy were blurred, leading them to kiss passionately.

~~

The next morning, Adelaide woke up with a jolt, her head pounding. She turned to find Luke beside her, a mixture of confusion and guilt washing over her.

"Luke, I... we shouldn't have," Adelaide began, her voice trembling. "This was a mistake."

Luke's face hardened. "A mistake? You think this was just a mistake?"

"Yes," she said, her eyes welling up with tears. "I love Matt. I shouldn't have let this happen."

Luke sat up, frustration evident in his voice. "So, what are you saying? That I'm just some rebound? That this meant nothing?"

"No, it's not like that," she said, reaching for his hand. "It's just-"

"Just what?" Luke snapped, pulling away. "Just that you're confused? Or that you don't know what you want?"

"It's not about you, Luke!" she exclaimed, her voice rising. "It's about me and my choices. I'm committed to Matt. I need to figure out what I want."

Luke was seething. "Well, maybe you should've figured it out before coming here. This is exactly what I was afraid of- being used and then thrown away when it's convenient."

Adelaide recoiled, hurt by his words. "I never meant to hurt you."

Luke looked away, frustration and pain written on his face. "I thought we had something real, but now I see I was just a distraction."

"I didn't mean for this to happen," Adelaide said, tears streaming down her cheeks. "I'm so sorry."

Luke's expression softened slightly, but it was clear he was still hurt. "I get it. But I need time to process this. I can't just pretend it didn't happen."

"I understand," she replied, her voice just above a whisper. "I need to go."

As she gathered her things, the awkwardness and emotional distance between them was almost tangible. She glanced back at Luke, who stood silently by the door, a mix of anger and sadness in his gaze.

"I'll give you some space. I'm really sorry, Luke."

With that, she left his apartment, the weight of her actions heavy on her shoulders. As she drove away, the gravity of what had happened began to settle in, and she knew that repairing the damage she had caused would be an arduous journey.

~~

Adelaide's hands shook as she gripped the steering wheel, her mind racing with the burden of what had just happened. Her thoughts were a chaotic swirl of guilt and confusion. She took a deep breath as she pulled into the parking garage, trying to steady herself before heading inside.

When she entered the apartment, the living room was dark, the only light coming from the sun filtering through the blinds. Matt was sitting on the couch, his posture tense and his face partially hidden in the shadows.

Her heart sank at the sight of him. "Matt, you didn't stay with the guys," she said, her voice shaky as she closed the door behind her.

Matt's gaze met hers, his eyes sharp and questioning. "Yeah. I decided to come home after all. I've been thinking."

"Oh, um, okay," she replied, trying to keep her composure as she walked further into the room.

Matt stood up and approached her, his expression a mix of concern and irritation. "So where were you? I tried calling, but you didn't answer."

Adelaide's heart raced. "I was out for a bit... I needed some fresh air. It was a rough day, ya know?"

Matt's eyes narrowed. "A bit? You were gone for hours. Did something happen?"

She hesitated, scrambling to come up with a believable excuse. "I just went for a drive to clear my head. Fell asleep in a parking lot. It's been stressful with everything going on."

Matt studied her for a moment, clearly unconvinced but unsure of what to say. "You didn't go see Luke, did you?"

The question hit her like a ton of bricks. She forced a nonchalant laugh, trying to mask her nervousness. "No, of course not. I haven't seen him. Why would you think that?"

His expression softened, but he still looked troubled. "I don't know, I guess I just... I felt like something was off. I didn't want to jump to conclusions."

Ady stepped closer to him, putting a hand on his arm. "Matt, I promise you, nothing happened. I was just out trying to process everything. I needed some space, and I didn't think to tell you because I thought you were also out."

Matt weighed her words, the tension in his shoulder easing. "Okay. I just- I don't want us to keep fighting. I care about you, Ady. I don't want there to be any secrets between us."

"I don't want that either," she said, her voice filled with sincerity she hoped would convince him. "I'm sorry for not being more communicative. I'll do better."

Matt nodded slowly, "Alright. Let's just try to move forward and work on things. I don't want to lose you."

Her heart ached, but she forced a smile. "I don't want to lose you either. We'll figure this out. I love you."

"I love you too."

They embraced, and Adelaide held him tightly, feeling both relief and guilt. As Matt settled back onto the couch, Ady joined him, trying to push away the lingering feelings from the night with Luke.

The weight of her deception was heavy, and as she sat beside Matt, the realization that she was living a lie began to settle in. She knew that maintaining the facade would be difficult, and the consequences of her actions were far from over. For now, though, she focused on keeping up the appearance of normalcy, hoping that time would help heal the rift she had created.

~~

Luke felt like he was in a fog. The events of the previous night and that morning replayed in his mind. He knew he needed to talk to someone, but he wasn't ready to fully disclose what had happened. He decided to seek comfort in his brother, hoping for a little bit of guidance in his situation.

Jack met Luke at the rink, finding his brother sitting alone in the locker room. He approached him, a concerned look on his face.

"Hey, Rusty. You've been awfully quiet this morning. Everything okay?" Jack asked, sitting down beside him.

Luke sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Not really, man. I'm feelin' pretty messed up."

Jack cocked an eyebrow, sensing the seriousness of the situation. "You wanna talk about it or..."

"Sort of. It's... complicated," Luke said, avoiding eye contact. "I had a rough night, and I'm trying to make sense of things, I guess."

Jack frowned, "You sure you don't wanna spill the beans? Sometimes talking helps, ya know?"

Luke hesitated, searching for the right words. "It's not really something I can just talk about. I made some... choices that I'm regretting, and I feel like I've fucked things up, royally."

The older Hughes studied him carefully. "I get it. But you know, if you're feeling like you screwed up, you should at least be able to talk to someone you know won't judge you. I'm your brother, it's what I'm here for."

"Not that simple. I just don't wanna drag you into this. I just need to figure out what to do next."

"Are you like in serious trouble?"

"No, Jack... not serious trouble."

"I don't need to call the cops?"

"No, Jack," he laughed bitterly.

"Alright, well, don't bottle it up. You've got people who care about you, and we're all in this together."

Luke nodded, grateful for Jack’s support but still feeling the weight of his decisions. As they got ready for practice, Luke tried to focus on the task at hand, though his mind was still troubled by the consequences of the previous night.

~~

Adelaide avoided Luke like he was the plague the next few days. She poured herself into work, using the camera as a shield to hide behind her. She kept her interactions with the team strictly professional, but her heart began to ache the first time her eyes met Luke's.

Jack noticed the change in his brother and the photographer. Their friendship had vanished, replaced by a strained silence. One day after pratice, Jack cornered Adelaide in the hallway outside the media room.

"Hey, Ady, got a minute?" he asked, casually leaning against the wall.

"Sure, Jack. What's going on?"

"I noticed that you and Luke have been... off lately. Did something happen?"

Her heart raced, but she forced a large smile. "No, nothing happened. We've just been busy with work and all!"

"Come on, Ady. I know you better than that. You two were inseperable when he started here, and now I don't think I've seen you talk to him in days. Did you guys have an argument or something?"

She sighed, the guilt weighing down her shoulders. "It's complicated. I don't want to get into it."

"Oh. Look, I get it if you don't wanna share. But just know that I'm here if you wanna talk. I care about you, so seeing you both like this is kinda hard."

"Thanks, Jack," her voice barely above a whisper. "Appreciate it."

"See you on the ice!"

"Yup."

God, what had she gotten herself into?

~~

The rink was filled with sounds- the sharp scrape of skates on ice, the hollow thud of the puck hitting the boards, the shouted command of coaches, and the occasional shutter of Adelaide's camera lense. Luke Hughes moved with a ferocity that caught the attention of everyone on the ice. His usual smooth, calculated movements had been replaced by agressiveness. Every stride was powerful, every check delivered with a force that echoed through the arena.

"What's up with Rusty?" Jack muttered to Nico, who was stretching nearby.

Nico followed Jack's gaze. "Not sure, but he's been playing like he's possessed. Did something happen?"

Jack shrugged, keeping his eyes on Luke. "Don't know. He's been... off lately. Keeps to himself a lot more."

As practice continued, Luke's focus remained unbroken. He intercepted passes, delivered bone-rattling checks, and fired shots with pinpoint accuracy. His teammates began to whisper among themselves in the locker room, buzz building about the youngest Hughes.

"Hey, Lukey, what's going on with you?" Nico approached him.

Luke shrugged, "Focusing on my game. What's the big deal?"

"The big deal is that you're playing like you're trying to prove something. Or like you're trying to forget something."

Luke clenched his jaws, his knuckles turning white as he gripped his towel. "Drop it, Nico. I'm just trying to play better."

"Alright, man. But if you need me, I'm here. Don't shut out the team."

Luke didn't respond, instead shoving his gear into his bag with a force that spoke for itself. Whatever was eating at him was serious, and the team feared it would affect more than just his game.

~~

Adelaide was at her desk, her fingers flying against her keyboard as she edited photos from their last game. She was immersing herself in her work, hoping it would distract her from her inner turmoil. She was focusing on her job and spending as much time with Matt as possible.

The door to her office swung open, and Luke stepped inside, his presence immediately filling the small space. Her heart skipped a beat, her eyes widening at the determined look on his face.

"We need to talk," his voice barely concealing his anger.

She swallowed hard, her throat dry. "Luke, I'm busy right now. Can it wait?"

"No," he said firmly, closing the door behind him. "We're not leaving this room until we sort this out."

"What is there to sort out? We made a mistake, and we need to move on."

"A mistake?" his voice rose. "Is that all it was to you?"

Adelaide flinched at his tone, "It's not that simple, Luke. You know it's not."

"Then make it simple for me," he demanded, stepping closer. "Do you have feelings for me or not?"

She looked away, unable to meet his intense gaze. "It doesn't matter what I feel. I'm with Matt. I've made a commitment to him."

Luke's hands clenched into fists at his sides. "So, you're just going to ignore what's between us? Pretend it doesn't exist?"

"What choice do I have?" she voice shook. "I love Matt. I can't just throw that away because I slept with you one time."

"Is that all you think this is? A fling?" his voice was filled with heart.

Adelaide felt tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. "No, but it can't be more than that. It's too complicated."

Luke took a step back, "You're scared. You're scared to admit that you want something different. That you might actually care about me. That you aren't happy with Matt."

"That's not true," she whispered, her resolve crumbling. "I do care about you, but it's not fair to anyone if I act on it."

"Fair?" Luke scoffed. "Life isn't fair, Adelaide. You can't just ignore your feelings because it's inconvenient."

She shook her head, the tears spilling over. "I'm trying to do the right thing. I can't hurt Matt like this."

"And what about me?" his voice cracked. "Do I not matter?"

"Of course you matter," she cried, reaching out to him. "But I can't do this. I can't be with you."

Luke stared at her a moment, his breathing heavy. Then, without warning, he crossed the distance between them in two quick strides and cupped her face in his hands. Before she could react, his lips were on hers, kissing her with a desperation that took her breath away.

She was stunned at first, but then melted into it, her hands gripping his shirt to ground herself. For a moment, all her feelings of guilt and doubt vanished, replaced by the overwhelming feeling of being with him. Of being with Luke.

But reality crashed back in and she pulled away, panting. "Luke, we can't."

"Don't tell me you didn't feel that. Don't tell me you don't want this."

"I do want it. But I can't. I have to think about Matt. I have to think about everyone else."

Luke's shoulders fell, the fight leaving his body. "Fine. If that's how you feel, I'll back off. But don't expect me to just forget out this. About... us."

Adelaide sat back down, staring blankly at her computer screen. The photos she was supposed to be editing blurred together, her mind far too preoccupied. She sighed, rubbing her temples in a futile attempt to clear her mind. They kiss that they had just shared haunted her, the memory replaying over and over again, making it impossible to do any work.

Her phone buzzed with a text from Matt: "Dinner tonight? Been missing you lately <3"

Guilt twisted her stomach as she typed back her response. "Sure, sounds great. I miss you too."

She hit send and put her phone down. She felt like a fraud. Everything felt tainted by her feelings for Luke. She decided to take a break from working, grabbing her coat and leaving the office. She was craving some fresh air. As she walked, she called Sarah. The one person she knew she could talk to about anything, and right now, she really needed her advice.

"Hey, Ady! What's up?"

"Hey, Sarah. Can you meet up? I really need to talk."

"Of course. How about the coffee shop near the area in fifteen?"

"Perfect. See you soon."

Adelaide arrived quickly and ordered herself a latte. When Sarah walked in, she felt a wave of relief. Sarah took one good look at her and knew something was wrong.

"What's going on, Ads?"

"I've messed up, Sarah. Big time."

Sarah reached across the table and held her hand. "Tell me everything."

Over the next hour, Adelaide spilled her guts to her confidante. Telling Sarah all about her feelings for Luke, the kiss, the night they spent together, and the guilt that was tearing her apart.

"Ady, it sounds like you're in a really tough spot. But you have to honest with yourself and with Matt. This isn't fair to anyone, especially not to you."

"I know. But I don't know how to choose. I care about them both so much."

"Maybe you need some time to figure things out. Take a step back, give yourself some space to think about what you really want."

"You're right I just need to clear my head. Thanks, Sar."

"No worries, Ads. That's what I'm here for."

~~

"Luke, we need to talk."

"Not now, Jack," Luke muttered, not even looking away from the TV.

"Yeah, now," Jack insisted. "You've been acting insane. What's going on?"

"I can't, Jack. Just... drop it."

"Nope. Not happening," Jack sat next to him, turning off the TV. "Whatever this is, it's eating you alive. Talk to me."

Luke's frustration boiled over. "It's Adelaide, alright? We... we kissed. We... slept together. And then things got out of hand."

"You and Adelaide? Seriously?" Jack's eyes widened in shock.

"She said it was a mistake, that she loves Matt. But... I can't get her out of my head."

"Holy shit, Luke. That's... a lot. But you can't keep it bottled up. It's tearing you apart."

"I know... but I don't know what to do."

"Look, you need to talk to her. Clear the air. This tension is gonna kill ya both. And if she really loves Matt, you need to try to respect that and move on."

"Yeah. I know. But it's so damn hard."

"I get it, bro. But just take it one step at a time. And remember I'm here for you. Even when you royally fuck up like this."

~~

That evening when Adelaide walked in the door, she could already feel Matt's anger. He was pacing back and forth in the living room.

"Adelaide. We need to talk," his voice was taut with anger.

"What about, Matt?"

"About us! About how distant you've been. It's like you're here, but you're not really here," he snapped, his eyes searching hers for an explanation.

"I've been under a lot of pressure with work. You know that."

"This isn't just about work, Ady! You've been avoiding me. We barely talk anymore, and when we do, it's about the team or the game. When was the last time we slept together? When was the last time you were focused on us? What happened to us?"

She felt a pang of guilt, but also a rush of anger. "Maybe if you weren't so obsessed with your career, we wouldn't be having this problem! You're never around, Matt. And when you are, you don't speak to me!"

"That's not fair. You knew how important work was to me when we got together. I thought you supported me."

"I do support you, but I can't be the only one making sacrifices. This is a partnership, not a one-way street."

"A partnership? That's rich coming from you! You used to be my biggest cheerleader, and now I don't even recognize you!"

"Maybe I changed because you never made me feel like I mattered!" she spat back. "It's always been about you and your career, your dreams. What about mine, Matt? What about mine?"

"I never stopped you from chasing your dreams! You can't just blame all our problems on me! You made choices too."

Ady tried her best to think of a response, but Matt continued before she could.

"I can't do this anymore, Ady. I don't even know who you are anymore," his voice breaking with resignation.

"Maybe you're right. Maybe we both need to figure out what we really want," she looked down at her feet.

"I thought we wanted the same thing. But I guess not. Maybe we've grown too far apart."

"I wish things were different, Matthew. I really do."

"Yeah, me too."

For a moment, it seemed like they were about to part ways without another word. But then Adelaide made a gut-wrenching decision. "Matt, there's something I need to tell you. I.... I cheated on you. With Luke."

The confession hit Matt like a punch to the gut. His eyes widened with shock, then narrowed with rage. "What did you just say?"

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for it to happen. It was a mistake-"

"A mistake?" Matt exploded. "You think that's just a mistake? You've been lying to me, hiding things from me while I thought we were trying to fix things!"

Adelaide tried to reach out to him, but he stepped back, his anger turning into something darker. "I didn't want to hurt you. I was confused, and I made a terrible choice."

His face turned red with fury, "You've betrayed me, Adelaide. You've crossed a line. I can't just let this go. You've been living a lie while I've been trying to make thing work."

"I'm so sorry, Matt. Just let me explain."

"No!" his voice echoed through the room, bouncing off the walls. "I don't want to hear it. You've shattered everything we had. I'm done. I can't even look at you right now."

~~

Adelaide sat in her dimly lit apartment, feeling the weight of the last few days pressing down on her. The space felt unusually empty, and the silence was almost deafening. She had spent the entire day reflecting on everything that had transpired and was now preparing for an important conversation.

Her phone buzzed, signaling Luke's arrival. She took a deep breath and went to open the door.

Luke stood there, his expression a mixture of resolve and concern. "Hey," he said softly as he stepped inside.

"Hey," Adelaide replied, trying to muster a reassuring smile. "Thanks for coming over."

They moved to the living room, sitting across from each other. The atmosphere was heavy with unspoken words. Adelaide broke the silence first.

"I wanted to talk about everything that's happened. I know I've hurt you. And I've hurt Matt. And I need to take responsibility for that."

Luke nodded, his gaze was steady but pained. "I appreciate you saying that. I was hurt, and it's been hard trying to understand like... why everything went down the way it did."

"I never meant to hurt you. I was confused. Stuck in a relationship that had been loveless for a while. I was avoiding issues instead of talking about them."

"I get that. I was confused too. We both made mistakes, but we can acknowledge that."

"I think... no, I know that I want to be with you, Luke. I just... can we take things slow? Like super slow? I think I need to process everything that just happened," she giggled lowly.

"Yeah, of course. I'd like that a lot, Ady. Let's take this one day at a time.

"Sounds perfect."

Luke smiled, pressing a soft kiss to her lips. "Now, why don't you tell me why I'm your favourite Hughes brother," he smirked.

She rolled her eyes, "If I must..."

[vashs-turtleneck]

Say my name.

Rating: EXPLICIT (18+ ONLY) Summary: After your heartfelt reunion with your boyfriend, Vash realizes how much he's missed hearing you say his name. Pairing: Eriks!Vash x fem!reader Word count: 6.5k Content: smut, angst, established relationship, oral, p in v sex, reunion sex, very service top Vash A/N: bro this took me so long. I put more effort into this than anything else I have ever written. Anyway, this is my first ever smut fic so uh please enjoy (had to make it eriks because he does things to my brain chemistry)

NSFW below, 18+ only, minors do not interact!

Vash holds your hand through the rickety, quaint house, helping guide you as you walk, avoiding the floorboards he knows creak louder than the others. As much as Granny and Lina adore you, he didn't feel like explaining why he was sneaking you in so late at night. Not only that, he didn't want to explain your relationship to them just yet. After all, the two of you haven't even gotten the chance to properly talk yet, about what your reunion after his two year absence means for you both.

Vash finally guides you into his little bedroom, quietly shutting and locking the door behind you two. He cringes at the how the door hinges creak loudly into the hallway, hoping it wasn't enough to wake anyone.

"So 'Eriks', huh? Did you pick the name all by yourself?" You tease him as your eyes dart around the room, taking in the space your lover has been living in these passed two years. Or... he was your lover. Is he still your lover? For all you know he found someone else during his time here. No, wait, that can't be right. He just snuck you into his bedroom.

Vash chuckles quietly, his gaze never leaving you. "Yeah... guess I did."

You can feel his eyes burrowing into you. His gaze follows you as you curiously take in the room, as you pat the bed draped in old linens, as you look out the window, taking in the scenery, the stars and moons illuminating the sky above. You've always had a tendency to look up at the sky.

God, you're as beautiful as he remembers.

He's pulled out of his own thoughts when you speak again, realizing he's been staring at you the whole time.

"Nice little spot you have all to yourself. Sheryl and Lina are both so sweet. They really do love you, I can tell. They're like family now, hm?" You say as your eyes finally meet his, your voice remaining soft, yet a hint of somberness weaving its way in. "You... You have a good life here."

You feel your heart start to beat faster, your head filling with a million questions that you're almost too scared to know the answers to. What if there was no room for you in his life anymore? What if he wanted to leave everything about his old self in the past, including you? What if, what if, what if...

You start to absentmindedly pick at the skin around your nails and rubbing your palms, subconsciously trying to calm and ground yourself. You're starting to lose yourself to your own mind, horrible thoughts filling your head like a poison.

Vash immediately notices the change in your tone, the subtle, shaky uncertainty in your voice, the way you anxiously play with your hands... Old habits die hard, huh?

"I do. The people here have been very kind to me. It's mostly quiet, apart from when I get myself into trouble. I'm grateful every day for it."

He takes a step towards you, his arms outstretched slightly.

"But, my life here is... incomplete without you by my side, mayfly."

He wants to hold you, feel your body against his, remind himself that you're really here, but he hesitates. What if you despise him for abandoning you? For leaving you behind to think he was dead? Worse, what if you hate him for the sins he's committed? For destroying July and taking the lives of its people? Not that he could ever blame you if you did. He hates himself for it. It's the whole reason he left you behind in the first place. How could he ever face you again after he became the walking demon with the 60 billion double dollar bounty on his head? He deserves every bit of venom spat his way for the things he's done, every bit of the nickname 'The Humanoid Typhoon'.

Yet, despite how much he knows he doesn't deserve you, he wants you so bad. Every moment without you had been agony. He didn't know where you were, how you were doing, if you were even alive. Hell, he wondered if he killed you in July too. So when he finally saw your face again, he swears he felt his heart beat for the first time in two years.

"Mayfly, I... I don't deserve you. I don't. I'm a monster." He takes another step towards you, trying to bridge the gap between you both. "...but I can't live without you. I... I need you. Here. With me."

He's fighting back tears, trying desperately to keep himself together. His vision is blurring from the tears pooling in his eyes, and all he can see is your wide-eyed expression. You're so beautiful, even if you might be about to break his heart.

"If you don't feel the same, I understand. If you want to hit me and yell at me for all I've done, I won't put up a fight. If... If you hate me-" Vash's words are cut short when you rush towards him and plant your lips against his in a feverish kiss, throwing your arms around his shoulders and clinging to him desperately.

Vash stays motionless and rigid in a moment of shock before he's flooded with relief at the feeling of your lips, your body, just you. His prosthetic naturally encircles your waist, pulling you in closer as his flesh hand tenderly cups your cheek, tilting your head to meet his lips with a practiced touch that makes it feels like you were never apart.

You became a shell of a person the day you watched him fall from the sky, like an angel stripped of their wings. You spent the passed two years believing, convincing yourself he had to be alive, or else you would have been lost completely.

With his lips finally pressed to yours, you feel whole again.

Vash can feel your lower lip tremble against his own, your tears mingling with his against both your faces as you each pull the other closer, closer, until there's no space left between your bodies, his stubble scratching your chin.

Your lips meet again and again, each kiss more desperate than the last, pants and sobs and the sounds of lips smacking filling the otherwise dead silent room.

"I missed you." You breathe against his lips, voice cracking from the overwhelming feelings of relief, love, and pain flooding you.

And Vash whines in turn, prosthetic tightening its grip around you.

"I missed you too. So much. Every day I thought about you." He whispers back, his voice strained, flesh hand pulling your face closer by the back of your neck. "I love you, I love you, I missed you."

"Love you too. Missed you so much..." Your voice comes out as a sob, trembling and broken. Your hands tangle into his soft locks. His hair is much longer now, the golden blonde mixing with dark raven.

You feel his tongue tease your lower lip, the warm muscle begging for entry, and you're happy to grant it. When your tongues entangle, he feels himself shudder with want, his body heating up as he gets reacquainted with the taste of your mouth. His hands move down your body, sliding down your waist, past your hips, and hooking themselves beneath the plush of your thighs. He lifts you up with ease, encircling your legs around his waist.

It's not close enough. He needs you closer.

He carries you to the edge of his bed, gently lowering you and as he towers over you, broad shoulders caging you in beneath him. He pulls himself from your lips and holds his weight on his hands, palms against the mattress beside your head. His face is flushed, lips wet with your kiss.

Vash is silent as he looks at your face, tears still staining his cheeks, his gaze reverent and adoring, yet filled with tragedy, like he almost doesn't believe you're real. His flesh hand cups your face again. His thumb traces your lips, your cheekbone, your jawline, his palm resting against your cheek. He takes in your features, committing the way your face has changed over the past two years to memory. You have new lines around your eyes, signs of how time kept passing for you, even without him around, signs of aging that he knows you won't see on his face. Fuck, he's lost this precious time with you, years he'll never be able to get back. Gone, just like that.

He'll be damned if he loses anymore time with you.

His hand trails down, thumb sliding along the side of your neck, down to the bit of your collarbone peeking from under your shirt. His breath hitches at the feeling of your soft skin beneath his hands, how your legs stay wrapped around his hips, your arms clinging to his shoulders like a lifeline. He can feel your body heating up at his touch, like it remembers him. He's missed you. He's missed your touch. So much.

"Please, I- I need to see you. Please." He begs, voice already breathless and needy.

"N-Need to see you too. I need you so much." Your voice comes out as a pathetic whine, but at this point you don't care. He's here. You have him again. You need him.

Vash wraps his prosthetic around your waist as he gently lifts your upper body up enough to pull your shirt over your head, tossing it aside. With your shirt finally off, you can feel contrast of his arms on your body, the cool metal of one, and the warmth of the other.

"I missed you. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for leaving you, mayfly. I'm so-"

You stifle his apologies with another hot kiss, your hands weaseling between your bodies and working quickly to take off his white button-up. Your fingers fumble with the buttons until his shirt is open, exposing the scarred muscles beneath. His hands leave you for just long enough to push the fabric off his shoulders. When his shirt is finally off, both his hands move to the back of your neck, pulling you in for another heated kiss, making you both groan into each other's mouths.

Your hands trail along his chest and back, tracing over the myriad of rough, raised flesh. Your touch is gentle, as though you're trying to heal him. He wishes you could. He wishes your touch could take away his 150 years of anguish, only made worse in your absence, and heal this body he's so carelessly destroyed. Yet, he knows he deserves every bit of it for what he's done. If nothing else, at least your touch is a momentary reprieve from it all, a moment for him to just be.

His hips twitch when he feels your hands trail down his chest, over his abdomen, to the hem of his pants, fingers working to undo his belt and buttons, working them off his body.

"M-Mayfly..." Vash mutters, his breath hot against your face. He works the rest of your clothes, practiced hands swiftly unclasping your bra before moving to peel off your pants, tossing the garments somewhere in the room, leaving you both in just your underwear.

Vash gently pushes your shoulders, moving you slowly like you're made of glass and laying you flat against the bed. He sits back on his knees to get a good look at you, propping himself between your thighs, his half-lidded eyes practically glowing as he drinks you in.

You're suddenly filled with this overwhelming shyness as you're laid almost completely bare in front of him. It's been so long since you've been looked at like this, and you can feel the heated rising to your face. Your body has naturally changed since he's last seen you, and the thought that he'll be disappointed weasels its way into your head, flooding you with insecurity. Without thinking about it, your hands move up to cover yourself, draping your arms over your chest and stomach.

Vash's gaze break from your body before darting up, his eyes softening when he sees your blushing and flustered face.

"Oh, sweetheart..." he coos, bringing himself down to pepper your face with soft kisses, stubble grazing your face. "Come on now. Don't hide from me. Please? I want to look at you. I love looking at you." His large hands gently wrap around your wrists, trying to coax you to uncover yourself. "Please. Let me see you. I missed looking at you so much."

Oh, how silly you are to think he'd look at you with anything but pure adoration and worship. He's only ever shown you love and acceptance, just as you have shown him. Vash can't even fathom the idea that you'd see yourself as anything other than breathtakingly perfect. Your body is his place of worship, every sound you make a prayer.

So, with a quiet whine, you let him pull your arms from your body, his hands gently pinning your wrists next to your head flat against the mattress.

"There you are..." Vash whispers adoringly, pressing a chaste kiss to the tip of your nose before leaning back again to look down at you.

He takes in the sight of you beneath him for the first time in two years, his hands letting go of your wrists and tracing up and down your curves slowly, savoring the feeling of your warm and soft flesh. The world hasn't been kind to you in his absence, your body baring new scars he knows weren't there before, and he hopes to God you didn't get all those looking for him, sacrificing yourself for his unworthy soul.

"So beautiful, mayfly." Vash purrs. His hands trail up your middle, up your sternum, before parting to grope your breasts, thumbs rolling over the perked buds. The act sends a wave of heat straight down between your legs, your hips involuntarily writhing against the bed. In turn, your reaction makes Vash suck in a breath, his hips gently grinding against the plush of your thigh, letting you feel his hardened cock.

You both need this. Badly.

"Mmph- you like that, huh, baby? That feel good?" Vash whispers, voice hoarse with desire as he circles his thumbs over your nipples again, this time rolling his hips right against your clothed sex.

You howl at the pleasure, hips bucking to meet his own. You bite your lower lip to muffle your cries, nodding your head up at your lover. "M-Mhmm!"

With a lewd grunt, Vash brings his head down, pressing his lips to your inviting body. He sucks on your neck, nibbling and licking slowly and sensually, finding the spots he remembers would make your breath hitch, your back arch, and your grip tighten around him. He lets out a deep groan against your neck when you react the way you used to, your voice pitching up to a needy, wanton moan when he sucks on your neck just right. You tangle your fingers in his hair as shivers dance up your spine, rolling your hips up against his.

He leaves a trail of kisses along your form, giving special attention to any scars he comes across along the way, just as you had done for him countless times before. His lips reach your chest, kissing along your sternum before moving his mouth to one of your breasts, his skillful lips enveloping your perked nipple, tongue circling the peak. His hand moves up to massage your other breast, kneading the soft flesh in his palm.

And you can only do what your body tells you to, your voice quivering into what only comes so naturally to you when he's worshipping your body like this.

"Vash." His name leaves your lips as a broken moan, but they hit him like a typhoon, shattering him to pieces.

Vash's body tenses, all his actions pausing as his lips part from your nipple with a quiet smack, his hot, ragged breaths against the wet skin of your breast. He tilts his head up, bringing his face closer to yours, letting your noses brush and his forehead press intimately against yours. His beautiful baby blues drink you in, eyes upturned into a longing, pleading stare. His eyes captivate you, trapping you under his gaze. From this close, you feel like you could drown in them.

"Please... Say it again." His voice is raw, fragile, and begging.

You have to blink yourself out of your trance, completely ensnared by him. Even though he's the one begging you right now, with that look on his face, you'd do anything he asked. So, without hesitation, you say it again.

"Vash."

And he whimpers.

A name he hasn't heard in two years, lost to his new life. A name that, despite the heavy weight it carries now, was gifted to him by someone very important. A name that has always rolled of your tongue with a softness he never felt he deserved, that he used to hear you cry out over and over when your voice was pulled taut with pleasure. His name.

He didn't realize how much he missed hearing it, and especially how it sounds leaving your lovely lips.

"Again. Please."

"Vash."

"One more time. I beg you."

"Vash."

Vash groans again, his eyes fluttering before pressing his lips to yours again, catching your bottom lip between his teeth as he pulls away.

"Mmph... Fuck, mayfly. The things you do to me."

His lips capture yours in a hot, wet kiss, tongues tangling, his hips undulating against yours and seeking out that little bit of friction between your bodies. He can feel the heat coming off your core against his hard cock, and his mouth waters as he thinks about how wet you must be right now.

"Need to taste you, mayfly."

Vash pulls back before he stands up between your legs and pulls you by your hips to the edge of the bed, grinding himself against your thigh again. His fingers hook to the elastic of your panties, his eyes not missing the wet spot forming on them already before meeting your gaze again. "Let me take these off you, baby."

And fuck, you are absolutely reeling right now, barely able to form a thought as he continues to handle your body with so much care and deadly precision, like he know it better than you. And really, he does. Despite the time you two have spent apart, his confidence in his knowledge of your body and his desire to please you is naturally weaving its way back into his mind like it's pure instinct. You can't tear your eyes from him as he stares down at you with the darkened, hungry eyes of a man that looks like he's just found his first sip of water in days on No Man's Land.

He tilts his head as you stare at him silently, taking in your half-lidded, hazy eyes. His fingers unhook from your panties, palms resting against your thighs.

"Mayfly? Do you want me to? I won't do it unless you tell me to."

You whimper needily, shifting your hips back and forth, unintentionally teasing him as your body begs for more of him.

"Please. Please, Vash. I need you to touch me." You beg, your voice shaking. You need him right now, both body and mind begging him to do something, anything to ease the ache between your thighs.

With a smirk that flashes his sharp canines and sends another shivering wave of heat to your core, Vash swiftly pulls your panties down your legs, letting them drop to the floor.

With you completely exposed to him now, Vash hooks his hands under your thighs, pressing your legs up and opening you up to himself, spreading you out on the mattress before him and watching as your slick drips from your sex as he practically folds you in half.

"Breathtaking." He purrs, staring down at your sweet flesh. "And so wet already."

"It's... It's because of you." You say back, your voice a pathetic, high-pitched whimper, feeling yourself pulse with anticipation.

Vash chuckles breathily, his eyes never leaving your sopping cunt as he lowers himself to his knees, propping himself between your thighs.

"I know it is."

With a soft sigh, Vash presses his tongue against your cunt, taking his time as his licks his way from your dripping entrance all the way up to your clit, gathering your sweet juices on the flat of his tongue with an audible eagerness. His mouth presses a fiery kiss to your clit, his lips wrapping around your little sensitive bud as his tongue flicks it with a skillful precision that is downright deadly, like it's all muscle memory coming back to him in this moment, as though his place in this world is right here between your thighs.

For Vash, you truly are an oasis on this desolate planet. In a life that's been so lonely and so filled with tragedy, you have been a solace that he never felt he deserved, yet he selfishly let himself indulge in. After being by his lonesome for so long, how could he ever turn away from your open arms? You unconditionally loved and accepted his broken mind and tattered body, and he was never able to deny your affections, no matter how much he told himself he didn't deserve them.

You are the only piece of heaven he's ever had.

"Mmmh... Taste so good, angel." He coos against your sex, licking his lips of your slick before tonguing another stripe up your cunt. "It's been too long. I'm absolutely parched for you, baby."

"Oh fuck, Vash!" You gasp out, your hands moving to tangle through his two-toned hair, holding it back and away from his face. You can feel his stubble grazing your plush folds as he eats you.

"Say it again, mayfly." He mutters against your cunt, the vibrations from his voice sending shocks of pleasure coursing through you.

Your mind is a pleasure-filled haze. You're barely able to think as your lover positively devours you, gorging himself on your dripping sex like it's more for his own pleasure than it is for yours.

"Ahh... w-wha-?" You manage to mumble, barely understandable.

His head pops up from between your thighs, hungry baby blues staring back up at you.

"My name. Say my name again for me, angel. Please."

"V-Vash..."

He growls as he dives back down to your cunt, his tongue teasing your entrance as his nose presses against your clit.

"Say it softer. Please."

"Vash..."

"Say it louder."

"Vash!"

His hips rut against the mattress as he pleasures you, pathetically rubbing his still-clothed cock against the old linen in tandem with his mouth. He can feel his boxer-briefs soaking up the pre-cum from his engorged tip. His body is aching for you, but he'll be damned if he doesn't make you come on his tongue at least once before he fucks you. He needs to taste you as you come.

His right hand slowly trails up the soft meat of your thigh, fingers dancing along your hot skin until they reach your pulsing flesh, swirling his fingers over your wet heat. Then, he gently presses his middle finger inside you, the long digit curling and pressing against your warm walls, gently stretching you as he takes you apart from the inside out.

You have to throw your hand over your mouth to keep yourself from crying out in white hot pleasure, hips undulating against his mouth and hand, seeking out more of the pleasure he's giving you.

"This okay, mayfly? Feeling good?" Vash whispers before circling his tongue over your clit again.

You don't trust yourself to speak right now, instead nodding your head frantically as you moan and wail silently against your hand.

Vash groans hoarsly when he sees just how well he's taking you apart, eyes fluttering closed as he focuses entirely on your pleasure. When he feels your body relax around his finger, he slips in a second digit, his dexterous middle and ring fingers meticulously and lovingly abusing that sweet spot inside you until he has you seeing stars behind your eyelids.

Your hand gently tugs at his hair, biting into your palm and clenching your eyes tight, your thighs trembling against his head. You pull your hand away from your lips just long enough to call out to him, your voice breaking, your body ready burst, "Vash! M' gonna c-come..."

He growls against you when he hears his name leave your sweet lips in a such desperate tone, tongue lapping away at you more eagerly, your juices dripping from his hand.

"Yes, baby. Come. Come all over my tongue. Wanna taste you..." he grunts, panting as he fucks you with his tongue and fingers and grinds himself against the mattress. Fuck, he's gonna come all over himself if he doesn't reel it back.

His mouth devours you, digits pumping faster into your fluttering cunt as he chases your high.

When Vash feels your body tighten and convulse against his fingers, your sweet whimpers filling his ears, he moans louder than you, as if your pleasure is his pleasure, and it takes every bit of willpower in him to not come along with you.

Vash has always denied himself the pleasures in life, deeming himself unworthy for the sins he believes he's committed. But when it comes to you, to your pleasure, he's always eager to let himself indulge, his tongue lapping away at your sex like your come is a reward for his efforts until his mouth is dripping with you.

When he feels your body relax, your muscles unflexing, he licks one last strip over your cunt before pulling his mouth and fingers away. He licks your sweet cream from his digits, his other hand removing the boxers that have grown unbearably tight from his lower half. Slowly, almost like he's reluctant to leave his place from between your thighs, he raises himself up and towers over you again.

"You're so perfect, angel." He whispers, voice hoarse with desire, and you can see his need from the way his cock twitches as he stares down at you, his big hands holding you by the softness of your thighs. He brings his pelvis forward, gliding the hard length of himself along your dripping pussy, coating himself with a mix of your come and his own saliva.

"Vaaash~" You call to him weakly, your head still fogged from your intense orgasm, but your body craving him. Your hips rise to meet his own, and he grinds against you more desperately.

"You want this, angel? Wanna feel me inside you?" His tone is breathy and light, almost teasing, but you know more than well enough that what he's seeking right now above all else is your consent. How you got so lucky as to find yourself such a caring and thoughtful man (plant) is beyond you.

"Want it more than anything, angel." You purr back, using the loving nickname he's given you back at him as your hands reach for his shoulders. Because let's be honest, if anyone is deserving of the nickname, it's him.

A soft smile crosses his face when he sees you reach for him and, like a moth to a flame, he leans down towards your touch. One of your hands clasp over his shoulder, gripping him and pulling him closer to you. The other traces your thumb over his cheekbone, your finger dancing over that adorable birthmark under his left eye.

"Don’t go stealing my words now, mayfly." He teases back before his lips cover yours. When he pulls away, you feel him pant against your face, his body shaking and his cock gliding over you folds. Despite how much he's been holding back, putting your pleasure far before his own, you can feel now just how badly he wants this. He's at his limit.

Still, a pang of concern crosses over his handsome features, always thinking of you despite the agony he's in right now.

"If... If it hurts, I want you to tell me. Tell me and I'll sto-" You shush him before he can keep going, your thumb quickly moving from his cheekbone to his lips.

"You won't hurt me, Vash." You whisper tenderly, trying to ease the worries undoubtedly forming in that pretty head of his.

Hìs face softens again, his expression changing from one of concern to one that can be described as nothing short of reverent. His eyes might as well be hearts from the amount of love you see in them. With a shaky sigh, he nods his head once, and you move your hand from his face to his other shoulder, holding him tightly against you.

"Alright." He places doting little kisses to your temple and cheek, his hands on your thighs gently parting your legs further. "Let me take care of you, mayfly."

One of his arms weaves its way between your bodies, grasping his cock and aligning himself with your inviting entrance, placing a gentle pressure against your core with the tip of his cock. Vash's gaze never breaks from yours as he slowly sinks himself into your tight heat, the head of his cock splitting you open as he sheaths himself inside you, his mouth falling agape with a mewling whimper as he feels every inch of your sweet warmth.

Your breath hitches as he presses himself inside you slowly, your body taking him inch by sweet inch until he gently bottoms out, your nails digging slightly into his broad shoulders. You can feel him stretching you out on his thick cock, a mixture of the sweet sting and pleasure filling your entire body. You take in deep breaths to calm and relax yourself, your eyes fluttering up at your lover.

You're everything he's ever wanted, everything he's ever needed, everything his soul craves and begs for. He caresses your thigh and whispers between gasping breaths, a sweet smile on his face as your catch your breath, "You're okay, mayfly. Relax. Take your time. Tell me how you feel. I'm here with you, all the way." He coos, peppering your cheeks and neck with soft kisses as he whispers gentle words of praise and encouragement. His expression is one of pure love and adoration, seeing your body relax as you adjusts to his, your walls moulding to his cock, your breath slowly coming back to you.

"A-Ah... I need you to move, Vash. I think I'll explode if you don't move right now." You whine, hips bucking and writhing against his own, begging him to fuck you already.

His adoring smile never falters, chuckling breathily as you beg for him.

Fuck, he's missed feeling needed.

"Well, we wouldn't want that now, would we?" He teases with a shit-eating grin that splits his perfect face. He places a tender kiss between your brows before gazing back down at you.

"Hold on tight now," he purrs against the shell of your ear, tightening his grip on your thigh, his prosthetic palm pressing against the mattress by your head. He's trying so hard to keep himself together, but you can feel his arm shaking from the sheer euphoria as he supports his weight.

Gently, he pistons his hips against yours, his cock gliding along your inner walls at a sweet and tender pace and giving you the chance to adjust to the feeling of him stretching you out. As fogged as his mind is right now in a haze of lust and need, he is still acutely aware of you, and it would break him more than anything if he hurt you.

Vash stares down at where you two connect so intimately, watching how your body engulfs his cock over and over and coats his shaft with your arousal.

"You feel so good, mayfly. Taking me so well, like your body remembers me," Vash praises you sweetly, his face falling to the crook of your neck.

"V-Vash..." you mewl, thighs gripping his waist tighter, cushioning his hips as he pumps you full of himself. "Feels so good. M-More, please. I need you more."

"Of course. I'll give you more," he whispers, his voice dripping with tender affection as his hands move to your thighs, lifting them up and hooking your legs over his shoulders, folding you in half again. You moan wantonly at how deeply he can reach in this position, the head of his cock kissing your cervix.

Vash increases the pace, his thrusts gradually growing more deliberate and quick, pumping into you so deliciously that he wrings out every sweet sound you can make from your throat. He rocks his hips, his muscles tightening and relaxing as he pushes himself all the way in and pulls back out again, letting himself feel every inch of your velvety walls. Every pump of his hips has him pulling himself out to the hilt, leaving just his hot tip inside, giving you no time to breathe before he pushes himself back inside again, fucking you deeper and harder than before. Every time he pulls out, he sees your lips part slightly as you wait for him to ram back inside. And he does, over and over, making both of you moan louder as the room fills with the sounds of skin slapping.

"I love you, I love you! P-Please, please don't leave me behind again. Stay. I need you!" You cry out in rapture, tightening your grip around him and pulling him so his patchwork chest is against yours, your breasts squeezing and bouncing against his pecs.

"I'm here, mayfly. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. I can't- I'd die without you. I love you too much." He grunts against the side of your face, the sound of his labored breaths filling your ears.

He thrusts into you faster and harder now, the withered bed creaking and groaning beneath you both along with the sounds of your pleasured cries.

"Mmm~ Vash... Feels too good. Gonna come. Gonna make me come."

Your words break the last bit of restraint in his lovedrunk mind, grunting loudly against your ear.

"Fuck, say it again. Say it- Say it like you missed me. Like you thought of me every day. The way I thought about you."

"Vash!"

You can feel your body quivering and pulsing around him, and it only makes Vash moan louder, your pussy practically sucking him back in every time he pulls away. He moves a hand from your thigh to thumb at your swollen clit, desperate to feel you come undone around him.

"That's it. That's it! Mmm fuck~ I can feel it. Say it as you come all over me, baby. Please. Please."

Your orgasm hits you like a sandsteamer, your back arching harshly off the bed before you even have the chance to cover your mouth, crying out his name with a melodic and broken moan.

"Va- Vash!"

He's quivering, his grunts and breaths shaky as he feels your pussy clench around his aching cock like your body is trying to milk him for all he's worth.

"Ahh- S' too good... M' gonna c-come, mayfly. Gonna come with you."

Vash bites his bottom lip, trying to stifle the sounds of pure agonizing rapture, only for your name to leave his lips like a beautiful song to the heavens as he spills himself deep inside your heat. His hips stutter as he fills you with his hot come until you feel like you're bursting, hips slowing and gently rocking into you as you both ride out your highs until they gradually come to a stop. He feels his muscles go limp, pressing his weight down on you more than he means to as he collapses against your smaller frame. He covers your temple and cheeks with weak, tired kisses, whispering sweet words of affection until you've both gathered your minds a bit more.

"I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you." He chants over and over again with every breath like a prayer, eyes closed, relishing the feeling of euphoria filling his body.

He stays inside you well after you've both come down for your climaxes, cockwarming you on his thick shaft like he can't bare the thought of ever being separated from you again. But when he feels his cock softening, he carefully pulls out of you with an almost pained groan, disappointed at the loss of your warmth but his body completely satisfied and drained regardless. When he sits back on his knees and sees his seed spilling from your dripping hole, he groans, cursing under his breath. The sight is enough to get him hard all over again.

_________________________

After a night full of round after round of hot and passionate lovemaking, your exhausted bodies lay beside each other. The sheets are wet and tangled, your bodies slick with a mix of your arousals, but you're both far too content and tired to care about the mess right now, enveloped in each other's embrace.

"Mmh... bed's comfy. I see why you like it here," You coo against his head, his hair tickling your nose.

"Having a bed to sleep in has definitely been nice. Beats sleeping out in the desert," He mumbles and pulls you in closer to himself, nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck, his stubble scratching at your skin.

"But this bed might as well be a bed of sand if I can't sleep in it with you, mayfly."

"Always such a smooth talker," you chuckle at him. Then, your smile turns to a look of reluctance as you gently raise your head. "But I should probably go, huh? Don't wanna explain to Granny and Lina what I was doing here in the morning."

"Well, you were doing me." Vash snickers back at you, eyebrows wiggling teasingly.

"You're hilarious," you scoff with a deadpan stare, but you can't help the little amused smirk forming on your lips, "I'm glad to see your sense of humor hasn't gone anywhere."

He chuckles against the hollow of your throat, his lips ghosting over your skin.

"I know, I know. It's just one of my many charms."

"You won't need to say anything to them. I'll do all the explaining for you." His grip tightens around your waist, any thoughts of leaving the bed vanishing from your mind. How could you leave after everything that's happened? After you've both finally found your ways back to each other?

"Besides, they might already know you're here. We weren't exactly... uh, quiet." He chuckles nervously, and you can feel his face heating up as he thinks about just how much noise the two of you were making. You feel your own face heat up too. Yeah, the morning's gonna be a bit awkward.

Vash grips you tighter, his warm body flush against yours, clinging to you.

"Stay, mayfly. I need you."

Your body settles back into the bed, cuddling yourself up against the man you love most, and the world feels a little brighter.

"I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."

[onlyseokmins]

show and tell • l.s.m.

Pairing: lee seokmin x afab!reader Genres: smut (minors dni!), best friends/idiots to lovers!au Warnings: swearing, lotssss of teasing/switch dynamics, tickling, reader is obsessed w/ seokmin's body, they're idiots your honor and they're a lil bit in L-word 🤮, mingyu thrown under the bus as always, ONE BAD PUN BC I THINK I'M FUNNY, sex is as silly as me, BIG COCK SEOK 🗣️ like he's fucking huge okay, oral (both rec. kind of), attempt at 69 but seok's a menace the entire time, fingering, CRYING/TEARS, possession, biting, marking, multiple orgasms, squirting, lil bit of cumplay ig?, mentions of prev partners, overstim... i think that's it lmk if i missed smth 🥵😰 WC: 6.5k A/N: um so this is the most self-indulgent thing i dared to post you're WELCOME i shall now go die in a hole to never be seen ever again... happy belated birthday to the loml ugh ty to all the frens that let me sob in their dms and to @onlymingyus for helping me with a damn title 💖

The commonly shared belief among your friend group was that Seokmin is abnormally soft when it comes to you.

You thought they were full of shit. 

The bestest buddy in the world was also the softest ray of morning sunshine to ever exist in general. You could barely count on one hand the number of people he genuinely ever showed disdain towards or didn't get along with. All in all — it was extremely hilarious in your opinion because Seokmin's fluffy personality greatly contrasted with his lean, sharp physique. 

Ironically, the main reason you ended up in this position.

Just moments before, you were on his bed and caged between his arms. The dog tag necklace you'd gifted, engraved with his birth date and initials, swinging in the same rhythm that your heart rapidly beats with the small space separating your bodies. A sly grin raises the corners of his lips, the long fingers of his left-hand creeping up to trail lightly at your sides.

"I know you have abs."

Seokmin's hands fly up to wrap defensively around his body, though all in good jest. "You can't just ask a dude how many abs he has!"

"And you can't lie to me by saying you don't have any! Do you know how many of your dude-bros have blabbed about your crazy gym routine to me? Can you even guess how many girls bitched at me 'cause you weren't shirtless at my pool party? As if that's my fault?"

"But it's mine?"

"No, all I have to do is prove them wrong. So, show me the goods!"

You sucked at making up your mind — what to eat, what to wear, what to watch, what to do — okay, but who doesn't? It's something Seokmin was very familiar with, hence him always having to pick up wherever you left off. He also knows just as well that once you've settled on something, you'll see it through to the very end. Eventually. 

Which normally works out in his favor except in moments like now. So he resorts to a different preventative measure — tickling the decisiveness right out of you.

Like hell you'll let him do what he wants.

Maybe the whispers about him being soft for you were right. After all, it's to your utter benefit when you push at his shoulder. Only a bit unbalanced, he easily falls onto his side and you scramble to climb on top of him at record speed, one arm pinning Seokmin's wrists against the pillow beneath his head. 

Unfortunately, this looks like one of your 3,718,493,842 very bad choices in life. Once again, something you didn't think all the way through. Sure, you've bested Seokmin at light wrestling and play-fighting before — back when you were toddlers and all he did was cry.

Now, at adult ages, it seems like a horrible, terrible, very bad idea to have him beneath you. Your fingers play with the hem of his black t-shirt that's ridden up ever so slightly, unbearablely close to the leather band of his silver belt buckle. 

Seokmin's pupils are blown wide as he looks up at you with a strange, almost starry-eyed look of surprise. Black bangs flipped up across the dark gray of his blanket, silver chain askew shining against his collarbones, mouth slightly ajar.

Suddenly you're hyper-aware of sitting right on top of him, completely obliterating the distance between your bodies earlier, and leaving absolutely nothing to the imagination from what you can feel nestled in between your legs. 

"Would it be inappropriate of me to take your shirt off right now?" you can't help but ask.

He laughs, all breathless and high-pitched like he does when he's nervous. "You're asking for permission?"

"Seokmin," you whine and shift your hips in protest without thinking. Another bad move. Oops. "I'm trying to be polite."

"You have me pinned to my bed with the intent to strip me and you're worried about being polite?"

"Oh, please, you could easily break free."

It's true. His wrists twitch a bit under your grasp, almost like he's attempting to do just that but you're faster once more. Or he's just letting you have your way with him. Whatever the case, your other hand firmly holds both of his down which only brings your faces closer together.

"Don't move."

"Okay," Seokmin agrees and licks his lips, "at least you know what consent means."

"Are you consenting?"

"Depends on what to."

"Me taking off your shirt."

"… Should I be flattered?"

"Very."

Brown eyes close, his brow furrowing. For a minute, you think you've accidentally taken things too far and are about to quickly apologize and backpedal before things backfire until his lips quirk up and Seokmin snorts.

"Never imagined you'd be stripping me like this."

You would agree because what the hell? All this for some abs? But the way he says it makes you pause.

"Have you imagined this before?"

Expecting him to panic or something, you're even more taken aback when he bites his lip like he's holding back more laughter. 

"And what if I have? You'll be offended even if I lie." 

You narrow your eyes challengingly while his sparkle. "Are you… flirting with me?" 

"That is not how I flirt but okay." 

"You're being weird. Weird weird. Like super-duper weird." 

"Says the one soaking my jeans, right now." 

You want to scream. Instead, you let out a scandalized gasp, eyes widening. The effort it takes to bolt away means you must release Seokmin. Something that doesn't even cross your mind with the shame heating up your cheeks, mortification setting off every sirening alarm in your nervous system.

Your first mistake.

Countless other mistakes will be made after this, but looking back — could they really be watered down to just a mistake after the end results? Why you're even so embarrassed in the first place is beyond you. And your best friend has zero intentions of letting you get away from him.

The minute Seokmin's hands are freed, one flies to keep your hips pressed against his while the other gently braces your back. Lifting his torso up with insane core strength he clearly was lying about not having, you have no choice but to wrap an arm instinctively around his neck like a koala. Your other hand curls into a fist, clinging against the fabric straining with the flex of his chest muscles while simultaneously attempting to push him back in a futile effort.

"Breathe," Seokmin murmurs in mild concern. His eyes crinkle as he smiles encouragingly. "Breathe for me, babe."

You hadn't even realized you were holding your breath. If you inched any closer forward, your nose would brush against his, and leaning too far back would end up with him on top of you again.

"This is all your fault, babe."

"You're the one that started this in the first place, babe."

"All I wanted was to see your abs," your voice drops to a pathetic whisper, "babe."

"All you had to do was ask, silly."

"I did!"

To your horror, he leans in even closer with a devious smirk so his nose brushes tenderly against yours. "For yourself. Not others."

"What… what are you playing at Seokmin?"

"It's like you misinterpret everything I do on purpose."

"I — "

"If you think I'm just playing around you're sorely mistaken."

A beat of silence. "Then what are you doing?"

"Nothing," he says innocently even though the hand on your back trails upwards and not-so-innocently unclasps the bra underneath your shirt. 

Your jaw drops. Of course, your modest top is still on and the shoulder straps keep your undergarment in place. Yet, you feel naked with the way Seokmin shamelessly ogles your covered chest and lets out a satisfied groan, pleased that you weren't wearing a sports bra. After all, it's not the first time he's done that for you — but it is under this strange context.

"Seokmin — "

"I'll do whatever you want me to do. Tell me." His voice is low, rougher than you've ever heard, causing tingles to shoot down your spine at the way he says your name. "I should take full responsibility for whatever happens."

His last sentence echoes over and over inside your head because yeah, what the hell is going to happen? — until you blurt out, "You find me attractive?"

Finally, Seokmin acts the way you expect and are familiar with, his shy demeanor coming out like sun rays peeking through overcast clouds. Bowing his head, forehead flopping on your shoulder, he admits defeat. 

"As if that's even a question, goofball."

"No way — there's no way! My bestie, you, find me, your bestie, like. Hot?"

"Look, I know it's cliché to fall for your friend and all that stupid shit," he grumbles, "but you don't have to sound so shocked. I already know thanks to Mingyu."

You freeze. "Know what?"

"… You're really going to make me say it?" he laughs in disbelief and shakes his head against your shoulder, causing your loose strap to slide down. "When my pride's already in tatters?"

Urging Seokmin to pick up his head and look at you, you face his brown eyes straight-on and cup his flushed cheek. "What did Mingyu say that crushed your pride?"

He sighs. "He told you I liked you before I ever got the chance to say it myself to you."

Your eyebrows raise. "He did?"

"Yeah. And I thought you just. Well. I don't know, I thought you were just ignoring it out of consideration or something. Obviously. Since you didn't say anything."

"… All 'cause I was pretty sure he blabbered about accidentally spilling the beans to you about me liking you."

The both of you pause, silently cursing poor Mingyu. He did mean well. Somehow.

"You're joking right," Seokmin whispers, "is this real?"

"What makes you think it's not."

"Because you've only ever returned my feelings in my dreams."

Your pride swells at that, wrapping your arms around his neck daringly. "Dream about me often?"

He falls backward on the bed, taking you down with him with your bodies pressed tightly together. You admire his handsome features with renewed thirst while he shuts his eyes, no longer forcing yourself to view him through the platonic lenses you'd kept on for so long.

Then his eyes flash back open and you flinch at the burning desire blazing within them. He's never looked at you like that, at least not directly and it ignites the equal yearning you feel for him like a match.

"Yeah," he answers your teasing question, "I do."

Just the thought alone makes you dizzy. Your best friend, your sweet and lovely Seokmin who puts up with all your bullshit, laying here on this exact bed with thoughts of you consuming his mind. Pining for you. Wanting you. Shit, you think he deserves to have all his fantasies come true. And you're more than happy to help him out. 

"What do we do in your dreams?"

"Everything. Anything."

An iron-clad grip will probably leave bruises behind but it's not enough to stop you from a slow, lazy grind of your hips. You sit up for more leverage, hands on his broad shoulders for support, watching with smugness oozing out of your smile as he struggles to continue his wholesome thoughts.

"Holding hands, cute dates, buying you pretty things… "

"C'mon babe," you tease, "what else?"

"Ah… " Seokmin sighs, throwing an arm over his face to hide his eyes though it can't hide the flush creeping up his neck, to his cheeks, and coloring his cute ears. "You know… "

"Nah, I don't. Not unless you tell me." 

"… Just gets lonely in bed. At night. Cold."

"We've slept together before when I've stayed the night and vice versa."

"Mhm, but never with my dick inside of you."

You coo, trying to keep up your unbothered façade as though the quickening pace of your hips isn't making an insane mess of his lap. 

"Poor little Seokminnie had to jerk off all by himself." Leaning down to whisper maliciously in the ear that isn't shielded by his elbow, "Or did you do it while I was laying next to you because you were so frustrated?"

"As if," he scoffs, "and I'm not sure what you mean by little."

Like a switch has flipped, two hands return and grip your hips, keeping them stationary. To prove his point hard, it's Seokmin's turn to grind his pelvis up into the moist heat of your covered cunt while holding you still to feel every agonizingly delicious drag of his cock. The way he can feel you pulse against him even through your thin shorts, the devastating whimper that leaves your mouth when the rough fabric manages to catch your clit just right make up for the mildly gross stickiness of precum inside of his jeans.

A sadistic grin leers at you, almost a snarl. Such a jarring contrast to the normally soft, fond looks you're used to and a shudder runs through your body at the shock, another rush of heated arousal dripping from your pussy.

It's cute, Seokmin thinks to himself, how you put up this act and think you're the one in control when it's really me, the one whose lap you're on.

"Can you even blame me?" he growls, not waiting nor expecting any answer as he sits back up, jostling your body in the process. "I was so good, so well-behaved in front of you. And yet you waltz around me with barely anything on all the damn time, flirting with all my friends in that skimpy bathing suit without a care in the world… "

You don't even know when you ended up on your back. Staring wide-eyed into Seokmin's narrowed ones, his eyelids fluttering as he recalls these memories, fist clenched and arms tense as he towers on top of you once again. He's panting, lower body still pressed against yours.

"Batting your eyelashes at me, giggling, grinding that sweet ass all over me on the dancefloor and then skipping away even though I wanted to touch you so badly… and if that's not torturing enough, constantly showing up in my dreams, always out of reach… So yeah, I'm just a little frustrated, sorry."

"I'm… I'm… I-I didn't know — "

"I know that. I know that and that's why I felt like utter trash. You didn't mean any of it and here I am throwing my disgusting fantasies on you."

"Don't say that," you plead and cup the side of his face, running your thumb repeatedly across his mole. "You're not trash, Seokmin. I wasn't thinking — I mean I didn't realize… I just — "

"Please," he interrupts suddenly, desperately begging. "Please tell me… if this… if this is going to be a spur of the moment, out of pity, and a one-time thing… please tell me you don't want this. That you don't want me — "

"I want to kiss you." 

You watch his body tremble before he takes a deep breath, smiling up at him as his eyes gradually open. They blink owlishly at you, nearly crossing in his attempt to scan your face if he really heard you correctly as you guide him by the jawline close to your lips.

"I want you, Seokmin."

To be honest, you've never really imagined what it'd feel like to kiss your best friend. The movies you've watched make it out to be magical, enchanting, and something out of a fairy tale. Sure, maybe they're not wrong but the majority of entertainment is the bad boy turning sweet or a soft boy remaining a gentleman.

Nothing's prepared you for awakening the beast in a good boy.

He kisses you with a ferocity that steals your breath from the get-go. A sensual clash of teeth, tongue, spit, love bites, and nips. Seokmin always had an enjoyable, pleasing tone to his voice and it sounds even better when he's grunting and groaning in the laidback battle for dominance.

Somehow, your clothes are merely disheveled and not ripped off despite continual tangling and grabbing at each other. Once again, you find yourself back on top as you gasp for air — having to push him away when he chases after you for more kisses. If you thought he was pretty before, he's even lovelier with shiny, swollen lips and a dazed, hungry look in his eyes.

Despite pouting at the sudden distance, the man astonishingly looks at you like you've hung the stars in the sky. As if he's never seen the ugly sides of you, your lowest and most embarrassing moments. His gaze trails from where you sit on his thighs to the rise and fall of your heaving chest to your blown-out pupils with such appreciation and awe that your cheeks are set aflame.

Although maybe you're just seeing a reflection of your own adoration. Running your hand down the toned length of one of his arms, you intertwine your fingers together. A smirk returns to your face as he squeezes back, distracted.

"So, can I see your abs now?"

Seokmin groans your name and chews on his lip, uncertain. You shrug and toy with the hem of your own shirt before decisively pulling it over your head. A blissed-out sigh escapes his mouth at the reveal.

Your bra is undone — thanks to his earlier mischief — and barely covers your breasts. Threatening to fall off at the slightest move, you pretend to protect what little modesty you might have and keep it in place with a free hand. 

"Tit for tat?" you tease.

He audibly gulps and you watch his Adam's apple bob. You wait patiently, letting him go at his own pace and back out if he wants. Though he does relent because he feels at comfort with you, revealing his gorgeous tan skin and upper body you hadn't seen in what feels like years.

"Omigod…" you gasp out and he cringes, upper body taut with nerves. "You've been hiding a six-pack away from the public for so long?"

"I — "

"I want to touch them."

"Why are you so obsessed with my abs?"

"'cause they're mythical. Like unicorns or… or Bigfoot."

"You're comparing me to a yeti?"

"Not yet…i!"

He rolls his eyes at the ridiculous pun. "I thought I was getting a 'tit for tat'?"

"Yeah," you nonchalantly slide off your loose bra and toss it somewhere on his bedroom floor. Seokmin doesn't even get to relish the bare sight of your tits for his own enjoyment because you're grumbling, "can't even show his best friend his fine ass abs," and he has to correct you.

"Maybe if I was your boyfriend, I'd show them to you all the time."

"Oh? Is that a promise? A threat? A distraction?"

"An offer. A suggestion even."

"It's pretty tempting," you play coy, "can I touch you if I say yes?"

"Only if I can touch you too."

"Then yes." Your pointer finger travels down the flexed crease of his skin to right above his belly button. "Can I see your dick now?"

"But I want… I'd like to… taste you."

"Later," you assure and daringly place a kiss above his waistband. Your hands tug at the belt when his hips stutter upwards. "Please?"

He's gone the moment you flutter your eyelashes at him and so are his ruined jeans. Discarded on the floor to join the growing number of other clothing when he says yes. 

Even Seokmin himself would admit he is indeed too soft for you but his cock certainly isn't. Your eyes nearly bug out when it flops against his stomach, angry red and leaking tears of precum. He grits his teeth at how much it aches, perfect jawline even more prominent. 

His self-esteem would have been dashed to pieces at the devastating frown on your pretty face but it's greatly inflated when all you can do is whimper out, "You're so big… "

"Yeah?"

Your best friend — no, now your boyfriend, you suppose — hisses when you blink at him. 

"There's no way you're gonna fit."

"Hah, 's never been a problem before." Nails dig into his thigh, the little show of possession at the mention of his previous partners wickedly giving Seokmin another ego boost. He's quick to try and appease you though by saying, "don't worry, babe… let me prep and taste you, I'll make it fit I promise and you'll feel good."

"Fuckin' sweet talker." You feel a hand reach out to temptingly slip under the band of your shorts. "Everything about you is always so sweet."

"'m sure you taste even sweeter." 

"Seokmin…" 

"Hm?" His touch grows bolder at the moan of his name, squeezing at the plumpness of your ass. "Will you please let me have a taste? Just wanna help you out." 

You won't be thinking I'm so sweet after this. 

Eager to touch him, you nod and start to take off your shorts but Seokmin is faster. Nearly tearing them off your body in excitement and somehow managing to position your bare lower body right where he wants it. 

Luckily, you're able to face his neglected cock. A shriek leaves your mouth, though, because the hardened tip of his tongue is searching for your clit, lathing and suckling on it when he does find it. 

You try to focus on your prize but it's difficult with the vigor he's attacking your throbbing, needy pussy. Seokmin holds you up high enough that he can leave occasional nips on the inner crease of your hips before harshly licking and sucking up your messy arousal. Shaking his head back and forth with an animalistic growl, all you can do is resort to pitiful kitten licks and slobbering mindlessly on just the side of his cock. 

The more you attempt to wrap your lips fully around the tip, the further down he brings you to his mouth until you're almost suffocating him. A brutal assault where you can only twitch your hips to which he agreeably grunts, gliding you across his open mouth ever so slightly. Unable to escape the throes of pleasure, not that you would want to — you give up and give in. 

Tears fill your eyes as your body convulses and shakes, staring longingly at his cock through bleary eyes. Seokmin's muffled moans as he gladly helps you ride out your orgasm with your fluttering hole clamping around his tongue barely registering in your ears. You feel like you're floating while underwater in the most delicious of ways. 

Seokmin manages to nudge you enough so he can catch his breath while waiting for you to come back to him. A fond smile on his lips when you're finally able to move and he helps you flop by his side. 

"Why on earth are you a pussy-eating pro?" 

"You keep complaining about things most people don't find fault in." 

"I wanted to suck the life out of you, not the opposite." You reach for his cock again but he stops you — again — and rubs the back of your hand consolingly while he wipes the wet mess you'd left on his face with a smirk like a badge of honor he takes pride in. "Lee Seokmin!" 

"Shhh, don't whine, baby. Almost there, I'll let you have my dick soon. Give it to you real good. Now that I've confirmed what a tight, good little pussy you have for myself, gotta make sure you're stretched out enough. Don't wanna hurt you." 

"It already hurts, 'm so empty, 'min." 

"Greedy," he snickers, knowing you're full of shit, and sits up. "After I just stuffed you with my tongue so well that you complained about it, now you want me again?" 

"Always want you. Always have. Didn't realize it before but it's true. 'm sorry, Seokkie, need you so bad though." 

"Lucky I like you so much. Now turn around, let me see that lovely ass of yours." 

You do as he says, clambering up on all fours and arching your back prettily, looking over your shoulder to see what he'll do next. 

The sight alone is a wet dream. He's licking his lips, brown eyes honed in on your puffy, seeping cunt until he's snapped out of the trance when he realizes you're watching him. He sticks out his tongue to pull a silly face and you shake your head in disbelief. 

A finger traces up your spine before it turns into his palm pushing down between your shoulder blades so your cheek is pressed into the pillows. You can just feel the heavy heat of his cock but he pulls away before you can savor it for too long. A constant tease that leaves you whining again in frustration and wiggling your hips enticingly, a futile effort. 

"I know you're desperate. 'm sorry, don't wanna cum too fast and disappoint you though." 

"You won't disappoint me." 

"Nope, I'll make it worthwhile. Promise. We can do whatever positions you want after this. I'd like to see you riding me like you do in my dreams, personally." Watching how you clench at his words, he chuckles. "Knew you'd like that too. Now, let's see…" 

He slips a digit inside your hole muttering, "There we go," and adds another. And another. Three fingers explore your gummy inner walls and he hums in contemplating tones before he begins scissoring motions to get your pussy to further open up. 

Your moans are muffled by the bed and Seokmin simply increases his pace to make them louder with a sneer of satisfaction you don't see. You do feel him kissing down the length of your spine, more love bites that make you squeal at each pinch. 

"So cute and perfect. What 'm I gonna do with you?" he asks and pretends to understand the unintelligible garble to his rhetorical question. "Yeah, that's right, babe. Fuck you even more stupid than you are now 'cause it's what you deserve." 

Retracting his fingers, licking them clean, and mumbling how pretty you are — then he's finally wrapping a veined hand around his even veinier cock to tease at your entrance. 

He plays with your wetness, coating his tip with it and making both your mouth and pussy drool. And god, does Seokmin relish the vision before him. 

You're everything to him and that thought alone makes him bite down on his lower lip, a bead of sweat trickling down his forehead. He doesn't want to fuck this up. Every muscle in his body tenses when he takes a deep breath and eases himself inside, enraptured with the way your soft pussy lips part and cling around his length to welcome him. 

When he glances up to check how you're doing, he has to reign himself back from exploding or thrusting insensitively all the way in. The way your eyes roll up, a stain of drool left on his blanket, and the feeble thank you's followed by a filthy series of moans — he lets out a string of curses that would make even a depraved whore blush out of shyness. 

"S'big, s'full," you hiccup, clenching and unclenching in rapid successions that has Seokmin wheezing, though he tries to comfort you. 

"'m not even all the way inside, sweetheart. Bear with me, babe. Breathe. I've got you." 

"Got me… hella fuckin' full."

"You can take it. I know you can." He pushes his hips forward a bit more. "There you go, sweetheart. Relax just a tiny bit… Yeah, that's it…" 

Praises fall from his lips and you sob at both the goddamn stretch and unfathomable pleasure. You already feel him buried in your gut reaching spots you didn't even know existed by the time he's almost bottomed out for his pelvis to press temptingly against your ass — you're pretty sure you can feel him in your lungs at this point.

"S'deep…!" 

"Feel so fucking good… d'ya need me to pull out a little, baby? You still with me?" 

You answer him by bravely using whatever strength — or more like the urge for him to split you open and take it all because you want to be as good as he's telling you that you are for him — and push yourself back so he's fully seated within your tight cunt. 

You're probably screaming if your raspy throat and ringing ears are anything to go by. He's panting and rubbing his forehead with a groan. 

"Fuck, what are you so hot for?" 

The air feels like it's been punched out of his lungs, the same way his cock is being suctioned and squeezed. In an effort to wrangle whatever control is left within himself, Seokmin focuses on your body and how it reacts. Laying over your arched back to press your bare bodies close together in an intimate fashion. 

You can feel his necklace and its cool touch on your burning skin. The recollection of never seeing him without it since gifting it to him reignites a possessive streak in you and has your pussy pulsing around him more fervently. Suddenly you long to have his mark engraved on you permanently, etched into your body and soul just like the inanimate object. 

It's almost a shame when he pauses to tug it free so it doesn't break and let it hang over your shoulder instead. Not that it matters much, for you'd only have a temporary imprint of a dog tag shape on your back. 

As if he can read your muddled mind (he probably can), Seokmin makes up for it in his concentration to delay his dizzy cloud of absolute unbridled lust. He's already left many physical reminders of his touch where you'll definitely be sore later scattered around your body and as a bonus — bites down where your neck meets your shoulder. 

(You have no idea how you'll explain the obvious teeth marks to your friends the next day but you know they'll know. Especially when Seokmin — the little shit that he is — shamelessly shows off the various marks you'll leave all over him later tonight.)

But you don't think about that right now, any and all thoughts consumed of him, him, and him. You're full. So full. Oh, how you ache to run your fingers across his gorgeous body the same way he's able to yours, sneaking a hand underneath to fondle at your breasts and tug at your nipples. You suppose that can wait, already inching toward another crashing orgasm when he's unable to stay still anymore and starts shallow, cautious thrusts.

"Mm, ah, 'min… Seok… min… "

"'m here baby, you're gonna cum for me already, aren't ya?" He pulls his dick out far enough to see the way your essence glistens and coats his length and then smoothly stuffs you full again. "Go on and cream on my cock, make me yours."

Shockingly you shake your head. "No, too soon!"

"S'kay, I know you can give me another one after. If you let go now, it'll feel even better after. You're still so tight, I can barely move."

You really can't believe you're about to climax so soon again. There's not really a choice to hold it off anyways, especially when his hand moves away from your tits and mercilessly rubs your clit. He could've just fucked your throat raw with how hoarse your voice is now with all the sounds he's drawn out of you.

As you recover from the fuzziness of a second orgasm, he'd taken out his cock that's basically gone numb at this point (he's not sure if that's a good thing or not), and appreciates the delectable view of how your hole has been stretched out perfectly in the shape of his cock to accommodate him so sweetly. It all screams I am Seokmin's and he fucking adores it. And you.

There's only one thing left to do. Paint you with the color white.

"You ready for me?" 

You breathlessly huff out a yes but honestly, you're unsure if you will be able to handle another peak without passing out. Seokmin soothes you, whispering that this will be the last one for this round accompanied by two chaste kisses on each of your shoulder blades. So wonderful and perfect, he reminds and suddenly you can do anything he asked of you.

Which is good because he's finally snapping his hips hard and fast with better ability, drilling into your warm, wet pussy he calls his that confirms that ownership itself with filthy noises of agreement and gushes of more arousal. You moan out a mix of yes, yours, and his name — growing so fucked out that when he asks you where you want him to cum, all you do is feebly bounce your asscheeks against his abs when he refuses to move.

"Shit, you gotta tell me now or I'll… fuck, I'll do it inside. I-I know you're on the pill but… "

"Please…"

"You'd look pretty with it all over your back but also spilling out of your pussy… "

"If you don't cum right now anywhere… I'll cry."

"You're already crying." His thumb brushes at the trail of tears that spilled over your eyelids.

"Seokmin…!"

"'m sorry, let me give you what you want."

His hips resume slamming at a rapid pace, hitting deep within that magic bundle of nerves without fail. Stars swim in your vision and the mind-numbing pressure twisting in your lower gut builds up without warning.

It's a silent scream this time and a peak that doesn't seem to end. As your body violently shudders and shakes for what feels like hours at its intensity, Seokmin's release is triggered. Gently thrusting as you spasm around him, milking his cock as it starts to fill you up with a comforting warmth. In a daze, he's forced out by the end of your explosive orgasm and watches with a slack jaw in awe.

He's managed to leave beautiful lines of white across your ass and back as intended. Though the bit he'd left inside of you is mostly expelled by you squirting and coating his thighs with your release, if he looks close enough, there are still globs of cream left around the outer lips of your cunt that has him groaning.

"This is better than what I've dreamt about."

"Of course. Real thing is always better."

"In this case, yes." 

"… Do you still think I'm sweet?"

"… Somehow, yes."

Seokmin laughs as you collapse flat against the bed. You need to clean up but both of you can afford to rest a little first. He lays down next to you on his side, bringing you into his arms and you immediately snuggle your face into his chest before fixing him with a serious gaze.

"I don't get it."

He stiffens in fear. "Wh-what?"

"You fucked your previous partners, right?"

"Um… most… of them… "

"Like this?"

"Uh… " he narrows his eyes. "What… what do you mean?"

"There's no way they would've wanted to let you go if you got a stroke game and stamina this good. Unless you were just too much of a beast in the sheets — which I could understand."

His arms tighten around you. "I'm sorry, did I go too hard on you? I just didn't wanna cum too fast."

"No, you're insane but it was… incredible. You're the unreal one here."

"Didn't expect that when you harassed me about my abs, huh?"

"I did not harass you and of course not, did you?"

"No, but… I'm glad it did. You… don't…  you don't regret it, do you?"

"No, why would I?" He breathes out a tiny sigh of relief which has you raising an eyebrow but you continue on. "I don't get why they didn't try harder to stick around. I mean you're perfect. In all aspects. I one-hundred-percent mean that."

"They weren't you, though. I'm sincere when I say you've always been the one. I was just afraid…" 

"You're a damn good actor, you know that. I had no idea."

Your favorite smile beams at you. "I did major in theater. And we're both kinda idiots."

You slap at his chest playfully and he covers your hand with his. "I like you too, you know that? Like really mean it when I say I do. Even if you just obliterated my fucking vagina out of existence."

"There's no way, I most certainly did not." He kisses your forehead. "'cause you still have to ride me like promised."

"I don't think I'll be able to."

Your eyes close, ignoring Seokmin's gasp of shock and protests about cleaning up. He can tell you're pretty exhausted and acquiesces, shifting you into a position more comfortable for you to be able to doze off for a bit.

But you take that opportunity to spring to life, sucking the nastiest hickey on his neck right above his silver chain. One that will take weeks to heal. He lets out a moan as you do it and when you back away, the atmosphere has heated up again.

"You're giving me a hard time," he points out with an eyebrow wiggle and you giggle. 

Urging him to roll over, you lug your aching limbs up and over so you can straddle his upper body. Adding more and more love marks and bites on his chest, neck, and arms. It's your turn to stake a hushed claim of mine whispered into his ears that you nip at. And he giggles, loving the attention you're showering him with.

His cock is stirring to life under your ministrations as is another pool of arousal swirling in your gut. Despite the hiss of oversensitivity and slight pain you both feel, you ease his length back inside. Nearly crying out because this new angle means he's stuffed in you even more, you don't know if he can fit until you're gasping in relief once you're successful.

He tentatively brushes his fingers against the bulge that appears in your lower tummy, wanton moans erupting from both of you at the gesture. It sends chills down your spine and you shiver.

"Gonna have to help me move, dunno if I have enough strength to make your dreams come true."

"S'kay, we have forever to act them out again and again," he reassures you which erases your pout. "You'll get used to me with enough practice."

"You think so?"

"Well, we can only test that theory to make sure."

You giggle as he pulls you in for a tender kiss by the back of your neck. "You're naughtier than I could've ever imagined."

"But you love it. You love me." His smug look only grows at your agreeing hum and when he flexes his abs. "Now, shall we see if all the work I put into my abs is worth it, babe?"

onlyseokmins: February 2023 ©

Taglist: @joshibambi @junhui-recs @pandorashbox @rubyscoups @woozluv @darlingvernon @charcharfairy @httpswonwoosglasses @yeosayang @buffhoshi @horanghae8star @noraehey @misssugarlips @tinkerbell460 @aceofvernons @dejavernon

[thevegandarkelf]

One Tradition At A Time

18+ for mature content/themes, minors DNI

This oneshot features my OC Lydia Vector (Vec) from my main story ‘Finding Myself, Finding You.’ It is not necessary to read that story first, but there are small references to it made throughout this.

A year into their relationship, Vec’s determined to help Daryl heal his inner chid and give him experiences he missed out on as a kid, starting with a simple Halloween tradition. But it brings up a lot of buried emotions for Daryl, more than Vec could’ve prepared for.

We have Insecure!Daryl in this one. This made me a little emotional when writing it, I won’t lie. I just want our sweet archer to be protected at all costs.

AO3 link

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x OC

Genres: Fluff, angsty (hurt to comfort)

Era: Alexandria, pre-Saviors

Word count: 6.5k

Trigger/content warnings: swearing, mentions of panic attacks and PTSD, allusions to Daryl’s traumatic childhood, slight sexual content but no smut, mentions of queasiness/gagging/stomach heaving

@sunnykittyzz you wanted to be tagged in this <3

Lydia Vector (Vec), her parents, her siblings & this story (c) me, thevegandarkelf. Glinda & The Wizard of Oz (c) Warner Bros

Happy Halloween ya gorgeous humans 🖤🎃🍁👻🍂💀🧡

“Found this in the basement.” Michonne tossed the velvet material in my direction, which I successfully caught mid-air. “It looks like it would fit you.” I shook the garment out in front of me, the small amount of dust that’d accumulated on it flying in all directions, eliciting a cough from me. Eyeing it up and down, a small smile crossed my lips.

“I hope you’re right,” I replied.

I stepped into the bathroom, pulling the door behind me. I slipped my glasses off and set them on the side of the sink, folding the arms in and resting them next to the bar of lemon-scented soap. I tugged my shirt off over my head, letting it slide off my arms onto the floor at my feet. Taking the black garment, I slid it over my head, bringing my arms through the sleeves and the torso over my curves. I draped my hair over my shoulder and adjusted my bra before reaching for my glasses again. I pushed them back up and scrunched my nose a few times, a small, quirky habit of mine to get my glasses in the most comfortable position. Flattening out my flyaways, I admired my reflection for a moment before joining Michonne once again.

I’d been at Alexandria for well over a year now. Being able to call this community my home and the people in it my family was one of the biggest wins, one of the best things I could’ve asked for in the end of the world. The biggest win, of course, was meeting and falling in love with a certain rugged, rough-and-tumble archer.

Over the last year, he was there for me through everything, loved me through every panic attack and PTSD meltdown. Held me every time I woke up in a cold sweat from a nightmare and was beyond patient when it came to physical intimacy. The man was a saint, and to this day, I don’t know how I got so damn lucky to be able to call him mine. Now, though, it was my turn to help him.

Anyone who’d gotten to know Daryl knew, to some degree, of his tumultuous childhood. He’d never explicitly said it, but I was almost certain he’d never experienced a proper holiday. No decorating a Christmas tree or gathering around a table full of home-cooked food on Thanksgiving. This year, I was aiming to change that.

Based on the changing of the leaves, it was sometime in October, and the idea that I’d had scratching at the inside of my brain for weeks was finally able to come to fruition.

While Daryl had been out on a hunt all day, I’d gone around to each house, asking everyone if I could rummage through their basements in search of old Halloween costumes left behind by past residents. Most didn’t have any, or if they did, it either didn’t fit or wasn’t my style. Michonne, however, managed to find a witch costume stowed away in a plastic bin that was likely older than both of us. It was a velvet black dress with a gorgeous v-shaped neckline whose point stopped just above my chest, adorned with bell sleeves and a frayed hem. There was a faux-corset backing, which consisted of small rings and a silky black ribbon. It could be tightened a little, but was mostly meant to function as decoration. The costume came with a black pointed hat, and I had a pair of fishnets at home to complete the look.

But the costume was only one step of my plan.

We’d been able to grow some pumpkins in the garden, but since our food supply was diligently tracked and kept under a hawk-like watchful eye, it was trickier to get my hands on those. Maggie agreed to sneak a couple away for me if I promised to clean her bathroom, which I happily agreed to since it meant getting my hands on the most crucial piece of the puzzle. She managed to get two small ones with ease, insisting on exchanging them with me behind my house at the crack of dawn like we were participating in some kind of back-alley drug deal.

“Sorry they’re so small. They’re all I could get my hands on,” she’d told me.

“No need to apologize,” I assured, “you don’t know how much it means that you did this for me. Thank you.”

Even sweet little Judith was dressed up in a cow costume, the hood pulled up around her head adorned with ears, eyes, and a snout. Having her along wasn’t originally part of my plan, but after finding the costume buried with mine, I knew I had to give her baby’s first Halloween.

“Are you a good witch or a bad witch?” Michonne asked, doing her best impression of Glinda from The Wizard of Oz.

“Depends on the context,” I smirked, biting the interior of my bottom lip, “and who you ask.”

“How does it feel? You look great,” she complimented as she bounced Judith in her arms. The little one made a series of delighted gurgles and babbles as she scanned me over. “I think she agrees.”

“I mean, it’s a bit short, but…” I did a small twirl, the frayed edges of the hem flowing around my thighs. My shorts barely peeked out, hardly visible as they blended in with with the dress. “Ugh, it’s so cute. I can’t pass it up.”

“I don’t think Daryl will mind,” she teased. I rolled my eyes and huffed a sigh as I momentarily stopped away to retrieve my shirt from the bathroom floor.

“Oh shush.” I turned away, gathering my hair over one shoulder and looking back to talk to her. “Can you help me with the back?”

She nodded and placed Judith at her feet, untying the loose bow at the bottom of the corset, tugging gently at the ribbon to tighten it ever so slightly. The soft material cinched in around my ribs and at my waist, accentuating what subtle curves I did have.

“That’s perfect,” I said, “tie it off, please.” She obliged and tied the silk into a small bow, double-knotting it to ensure it stayed in place. I did one last final twirl before giving her a hug, excitement beginning to bubble in my chest. “Thank you, Michonne. You and Maggie are awesome for helping me get what I need.”

“It’s sweet that you’re doing this for him. I think he’ll love it.”

“And thank you for letting me give Judith her first Halloween experience.” I shoved my t-shirt under my dress and into the pocket of my shorts before squatting to scoop Judith up. I folded the hat, pinning it under my arm, and gave her a soft peck on the cheek, the fur of her costume tickling my skin. “Now c’mon my angel. Let’s go surprise your Uncle Daryl.”

My skin became flecked with goosebumps as the crips air nipped at my bare legs. The sun had almost completely set, bathing the community in what remained of its golden glow. Having grown up in the Midwest, I may have been biased towards an autumn sun. There was truly nothing like it. 

I bounced Judith in my arms as I walked down the path toward home, disregarding any stares I received from passerby’s doing a double take. She giggled and clapped as a chirping bird flapped past us, likely returning home to settle in with their family for the night. Just as I was about to do.

Once home, I was greeted with the comforting scent of a plethora of herbs and spices. My mom’s lasagna soup recipe, another component to my surprise, was in the slow cooker on the kitchen counter, nearly finished. I was anticipating the timer to go off at any minute. I kicked my boots off and brought Judith upstairs, resting her on the bed before digging my fishnets out of a drawer. Keeping an eye on her, I slipped my shorts off, tossing them in the laundry hamper basketball-style and scoring a slam dunk. I sat back on the bed, bunching my fishnets at my feet and sliding them on, careful to not let my nails snag the material. Standing and pulling my dress down, I placed the hat on, the final touch to my adorable outfit, and turned to Judith.

“What do you think?” I spun in a few circles for her, balancing myself with my arms as to not get too dizzy and topple over. She was grinning from ear-to-ear, giving me her best attempt at a round of applause as she unrhythmically clapped her hands together. “Ugh, thank you. You’re such a girl’s girl, Jude.”

Daryl would be home any minute, so I knew I had to act quickly. I gave myself a quick look-over in the mirror, fixing my hair and adjusting the hat to the most comfortable angle. With the cheesiest grin on my face, I gathered a few blankets from the corner of the room, throwing them over my shoulder. Scooping Judith back into my arms, I took her downstairs, setting her on the newspaper I’d spread out in the corner of the living room. The pumpkins sat atop it, the carving knives I’d found on a run resting on the kitchen island, alongside some spoons. I took the blankets and arranged them in a sort of manger-like bundle in the event Judith needed to sleep. I looked up at her through my bangs, the sigh that slipped out from between my lips blowing them out of the way for a moment before they came cascading back.

“I just hope he likes it,” I said to her.

As I finished setting up Jude’s pseudo-crib, the doorknob clicked, a gust of chilly autumn air rushing in as the door swung open, knocking softly against the wall. Speak of the devil, or in this case, angel, and he doth appear.

Daryl came striding in, grumbling something in an irritated tone under his breath. I couldn’t make out what he was saying, but if I had to guess, it had to do with the other guys he was out with, as it usually was. The “clunk” of his crossbow hitting the ground echoed through the front of the house, drowning out the soft laughter of the babe on the floor next to me. She knew her Uncle Daryl’s voice anywhere, and she was elated.

“Wait here, sweetheart,” I whispered to Judith. An adorable grin spread across her face in response, as if she was giving me her approval. I skipped around the couch, doing a small twirl as I approached him.

“Hey you,” I greeted. He was knelt on the ground, untying his boot. He looked up through greasy strands of chocolate locks, and upon seeing me, his features softened, the scowl previously adorning his lips dissolving into a soft smile and the wrinkles from scrunching his face fading. He eyed me carefully, his longing gaze lingering on each and every hole in my fishnets as he brought himself to his feet.

“Hey yourself,” he practically cooed. His accent was thick, his tone as silky as the ribbon on my dress as he pulled me against him by my hips. Regardless of his mood, Daryl was always so handsy when he came home from a long day, needing to feel my soft skin against his and bask in the comfort I brought him.

“Ya cast a spell on me or somethin’? ‘Cause it worked.” My hands wandered to his chest, playing with the buttons of his shirt and feeling his heartbeat under my fingertips. It picked up for a moment, then slowed as he relaxed into our kiss and his body melted into mine.

He bounced the edge of my hat with his finger, an amused chuckle emerging from the deepest part of his chest. “Where’d ya pull this from?”

“Found it in a basement. What do you think?”

“Lookin’ cute.” The mischievous smile tugging at the corners of his mouth sent blood rushing straight to my cheeks. “Real cute.” His hands found the hem of my dress, lifting the back slightly as they traveled underneath and rested on my butt, giving it a gentle squeeze, his fingers tangling in the holes of my fishnets.

“Daryl, please,” I laughed, patting his chest, “there is a child present.”

As if on cue, Judith toddled out from around the corner of the couch, steadying herself with her hands as she walked over and plopped herself onto Daryl’s boot. She wrapped herself around his leg, her tiny arms barely able to reach around his calf. He was beaming as he leaned down to scoop up the little one and kissed her cheek, eliciting a string of adorable giggles from her. I’d seen Daryl interact with Jude countless times, yet still, each and every time, I would be left with a smile that caused my cheeks to ache and fluttering in my chest.

“She likes me, but you’re clearly the favorite,” I laughed.

He was the first to feed her. Of course he was the favorite.

“Ya gonna make me dress up too?” he joked, his fingers fiddling with one of the ears on Judith’s costume.

“Only if you want to,” I teased, “I have something for you. C’mon.” He took my outstretched hand, interlocking my fingers with his as I guided him to the living room, stopping at the edge of the newspaper. The grin on my face could’ve lit up the entire community.

“’S’all this?” he asked, his eyes scanning over the sight in front of him.

“I thought I’d help you lose your pumpkin-carving virginity.” I briefly stepped away to retrieve the carving knives and spoons from the kitchen island, squatting to set them on the newspaper next to the pumpkins. I took his free hand in mine again, kissing the back of it and giving it a gentle squeeze. “I know you probably didn’t get to do stuff like this growing up. I thought…I thought maybe I could give you the experience of something you missed out on." My thought was briefly interrupted by the obnoxious beeping of the slow cooker, signaling the food was done. “This is how my family used to do it. My mom would make a special lasagna soup—that’s what’s in the slow cooker—and my brothers and I would put our costumes on and carve pumpkins in the living room. We usually did it a few weeks before Halloween. I think I was like 2 or 3 when it started.”

“How come ya put the costumes on for it?” Daryl asked as he rocked Judith in his arms.

“According to my mom, Preston was dressing as a pirate that year, and he was just too excited to wear his costume and couldn’t wait until Halloween.” I chuckled as memories from years worth of Halloweens flipped through my mind.

“So my parents got the idea to have us all dress up to carve pumpkins. Scratch the itch Preston had been asking about for weeks. And it just…kind of became the tradition after that. The soup recipe has been in my family for decades. I recreated it as best I could with what we have.”

He began absentmindedly stroking my hand with his thumb as his eyes wandered from each pumpkin to the tools on the ground, then into the kitchen, landing on the slow cooker before coming back to the pumpkins. I could practically see the smoke coming out of his ears as he took everything in. A small smile tugged at his lips, threatening to crack his usual stoic demeanor. But there was something else there, something I couldn’t put my finger on, bubbling just under the surface. Whatever it was, he was fighting to hide it, blinking a few times and subtly shaking his head, like he was stuck in a trance and was trying to bring himself out of the clouds and back to reality.

“What do you think?” I asked, tilting my head to get a better look at him.

The small smile that was threatening to break through finally appeared, and a soft, breathy laugh escaped him. “It’s real nice.” He set Judith down at his feet before bringing his lips to mine, his hands finding my waist and pulling me against him, encapsulating me in his warmth. Despite the chill in the air, I was nice and cozy. “Ya didn’t hafta do all this.”

“I know I didn’t have to. But I wanted to.” His fingers fiddled with the silky ribbon on my back before traveling to my waist and pulling me against him once again. Jude grabbed onto my tights, giggling as her fingers played with the texture. “C’mon. I’m excited to help you pop your pumpkin-carving cherry.”

I scooped up Judith while Daryl grabbed the carving knives off the floor. I sat her in the bed I’d made for her, grabbing a stuffed bunny she’d left here prior and handing it to her. Once she was satisfied, I took a seat in front of one of the pumpkins, folding my legs to the side and pulling my dress down as much as I could.

“Sorry, I know they’re small. It’s all Maggie could sneak away for me,” I explained. Daryl crossed his legs as he took a seat next to me, scooting until he closed the space between us.

“Whadaya apologizin’ for? Did more than ya needed to,” he replied.

I took one of the carving knives from him and stabbed it into the top of my pumpkin, leaving an inch or so of space between the stem and what would be the perimeter of the opening. The nostalgia coursing through my veins was almost suffocating, but in a comforting way. “God, that felt good.”

“Careful now,” Daryl warned, reaching out to stroke my forearm. His touch was always so light, like being tickled by a feather. “Don’t want ya cuttin’ yaself.”

“My love, I’m a surgeon. I think I can carve a pumpkin just fine,” I assured.

I worked around the top of my pumpkin, the scent wafting out filling me with reminiscence. Daryl did the same with his as I removed the top and began to work at the inside of mine with a spoon.

“Whadaya usually do with ‘em after?” he wondered.

“Like after they sit out for a while?” I asked, and he nodded, “we can…well, we can cut them up and eat them. Let them rot, throw them out a second story window and smash them. Whatever we want. My brothers and I used to either let ours rot or throw them out one of our bedroom windows and smash them in the driveway, if that’s what you meant.”

“Could kill a walker with this thing,” he commented as he took the top off of his.

“Ooh, I’m gonna carve a bow on mine, that would be so cute!” I gushed, “what about you, Daryl? What are you gonna do with yours?”

“Pumpkin’s pretty tiny,” he smirked as he rotated it in his hands before eyeing me, “could carve it into a house for ya.”

I stood at an average 5 foot 7, and he only had three, maybe four inches on me. Still, from the day I arrived inside the walls, he relentlessly teased me about being “small,” often calling me “tiny” and “short stuff.” It never bothered me, as I knew it was all in good fun from the start. The way we teased each other was a love language all its own.

“Y’know what?” I reached into my pumpkin, scraping my hand along the side to scoop up a small handful of guts and seeds, swallowing hard to prevent myself from gagging. I may have been a surgeon, an emergency room surgeon at that, but while I was unfazed by human guts and gore, the texture of pumpkin guts made me queasy. “This is for that.”

I flicked the slime in his direction, some of the slick guts catching in his hair and the rest sliding into his lap. I stifled a chuckle as he took the goop from his hair and tossed it onto the newspaper. “Payback’s a bitch, huh?”

His face contorted into a devious smirk, a subtle glimmer in his eye further corroborating my suspicions of what was coming. Daryl flicked some pumpkin guts in my direction, but much to my dismay, they landed in my mouth. I gagged and spat them out on the newspaper, making a series of disgusted heaving sounds, hacking up more saliva in an effort to get the slime off my tongue.

“Shit, sorry,” he apologized as he reached over to brush some seeds off my dress.

“No, it’s alright,” I replied, wiping my mouth on my sleeve and stifling a chuckle. I grasped his collar and pulled him in for a kiss, slipping my tongue into his mouth and wriggling it around his before pulling away. “But if I have to taste it, so do you.”

We talked as we worked on our pumpkins, Jude occasionally offering her opinion with a series of coos and babbles. Daryl told me about his day, how well the hunt went, and about the same guy who was always nearly getting himself killed on every excursion. He’d almost become a meme at this point.

“Still don’t know his name, do you?” I remarked.

“Still don’t care to know,” he retorted.

I peered over the brim of my glasses at Jude, watching her cuddle with and smack the stuffed bunny around in her hands. I tapped on Daryl’s arm and twirled my index finger in circles while nodding toward Jude, indicating for him to spin his pumpkin in her direction. He cocked his eyebrow, but obliged, albeit confused. A smile crept across my lips as I rotated mine around to show her.

“What do you think, sweetheart? Whose do you like more?” I asked.

She looked up from her bunny, her eyes darting between us and scanning over the progress we’d made on our pumpkins so far. A small string of drool spilled out onto her chin as she gaped at us, as if she was mesmerized. Taking her toy, she tossed it in Daryl’s direction, the stuffed bunny landing only a foot away from her.

“’t’s ‘cause I’m the favorite,” he joked, hopping up from his spot to retrieve the bunny. He knelt to grab it, placing it back in her lap and using his thumb to clean the drool off her chin.

“Could you at least have pretended to like mine more?” I teased. She giggled as she waved the toy in rebuttal, grinning from ear-to-ear.

I decorated mine with a classic Jack ‘O Lantern face and a bow, and Daryl had, in fact, carved the rough outline of the shape of a house into his. Initially, I presumed he was joking, but he was committed to the bit, and I had to commend him for that. If men have nothing, it's the audacity.

Despite his initially semi-cheery disposition, something was off. He was becoming increasingly quiet, the tone of his voice changing as his mood continued to dampen. At first, I thought maybe he was just tired. After all, he had been out hunting all day. But I was well acquainted with tired Daryl, and that wasn't who was sitting next to me.

As the night went on, Jude’s yawning became more frequent, and eventually, her eyes fluttered closed, despite her little mind’s protests to keep them open. Scooping her up in my arms, I nestled her into the bundle of blankets on the floor, gently lifting her arm and placing her stuffed bunny at her side. I admire her for a moment, watching her chest rise and fall and her tiny fingers grip around the arm of her bunny.

“Seems like her first Halloween really wore her out,” I commented as I rose to head upstairs to the bathroom.

After returning, I went to stir the food, but something stopped me in my tracks. The energy in the air had shifted. It was heavy, thick with heartache, and it filled my chest with an anguish I’d never felt before. Rounding the corner of the living room, my eyes landed on Daryl, head hanging low and slowly tapping the pumpkin in his lap.

“Daryl…are you ok?”

He was somber, the expression on his face dropping into one of sadness. I stepped over to him slowly, carefully, tip-toeing around him as to not stomp too hard and wake Jude. Kneeling on the floor across from him, I tilted my head to get a better look through his fallen strands of hair. He kept his gaze fixated on the floor, not daring to make eye contact with me. His lack of a response was becoming concerning.

“My love, can you talk to me?” I asked. I bit at my bottom lip in a pathetic attempt to soothe my rapidly-building anxiety, preparing for the gut-punch answer that could come after my next question. “Did I do something wrong?”

“Ain’t ya. ’S me,” he replied, continuing to softly tap on the sides of his pumpkin, “never had nothin’ like this ‘fore.”

“I know, that’s why I—“

“Ain’t jus’ this,” he interjected, cutting me off mid-sentence and placing his pumpkin next to him. He hung his head in contempt, the shame weighing heavy in his voice. “Feel like ya might jus’ wake up one day ‘n…”

“Wake up one day and….what?” My skin was growing hot, tingling, the anxiety bubbling just below the surface making the hair at the nape of my neck stand on end.

“Think someone else’s better.”

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. I should’ve seen this coming.

We’d had some newcomers arrive in the last few weeks, a couple of young guys, probably around my age. Eric had recruited them on an outing, and they were both skilled farmers, so they were tasked with tending to the garden and caring for the horses and chickens we’d acquired. I hadn’t gotten to know them all too well, but they were friendly, always offering a “hello” and a smile when we passed each other. We’d had small talk now and then, but nothing more. However, the insecurity that’d been radiating off of Daryl was palpable.

He was the jealous type, but not in a controlling kind of way. Maybe a little possessive, but in a “what’s mine is mine” type way. It wasn’t toxic, he never tried to tell me who I could and couldn’t talk to or be friends with, but it was obvious that some members of the community brought his insecurities to the surface. He’d never said it, nor did I think he ever would, but despite being at Alexandria for far longer than me, he still felt out of place, never feeling like he truly belonged there. And the presence of newcomers--young, smart, conventionally attractive newcomers--in his eyes, outcasted him further.

“Have I ever done anything to make you feel that way?”

He shook his head. “Nah, nothin’ ya did. Been thinkin’ how ya deserve better. That I ain’t good ’nough for ya.”

My heart was on the verge of breaking into a million pieces. How could the most perfect man I’d ever met, the walking green flag with a heart of gold, not think he was good enough for me? He’d been a saint the entirety of our relationship, even before we were official, and he was the kindest, most gentle man I could’ve asked for. He was my sweet archer. My protector. My angel. My Daryl.

“My peach, do you remember when I told you about my first impressions of you? From the day I arrived here?”

“Think so.” Of course he did. He clung to every word I said.

“When I woke up in that dingy, damp, musty cell, your voice was the first thing I heard, letting the others know I was awake. Your sweet, gravely voice...with that gorgeous accent…I still remember the tickling in my ears from hearing it for the first time.” I held my hands up, pretending to hold an invisible crossbow in them and aimed it at Daryl, pressing between his eyebrows with the knuckle of my index finger. “The whole time, you had your crossbow aimed right at my noggin, and I thought you were the most beautiful man I’d ever laid my eyes on. Still do”

“Ain’t beautiful ‘nough to be with someone like yaself,” he muttered, dropping his gaze to the floor. The sadness lingering in his voice was excruciating.

My heart shattering sent pain radiating through my chest, the tears quickly pooling in my eyes threatening to overflow. I averted my gaze from him for just a moment to blink them away, taking a breath to prevent my voice from shaking. “Did someone say that to you?” I brushed hair out of his eyes and tucked it behind his ear, caressing his jaw as I did. “Cause if they did, they’re gonna have to square the fuck up.”

“Nobody said nothin’,” he assured. While I was relieved to hear no one was being nasty toward him, it broke me to know he was coming to these conclusions on his own accord.

An empathetic sigh flowed from my lips. Dragging my index finger to his chin and tilting his head up, I kissed his forehead. He still kept his eyes on the floor. “Daryl? Can you look at me?”

He hesitantly brought his baby blues to mine, afraid to look me in the eye after he previous statement, as if he thought he would face repercussions for it. “You’re the only man I’ve had eyes for from the moment I set foot inside these walls.” I bit at the inside of my bottom lip, debating whether or not to bring up the elephant that'd been occupying the room the last few weeks.

“I know you’ve been feeling...some type of way since those new guys got here,” I confessed. He sighed as his gaze fell to the floor again, hair falling into his eyes, which I quickly caught and tucked behind his ear, caressing it as I did. “Who cares about those guys? Fuck them. Fuck anyone else. They don’t have your heart, Daryl. No one does."

"You constantly tell me I do too much for you. I don’t feel like I do enough. You deserve this and so much more.” I stifled a chuckle. “This is just all I could conjure up given…y’know, the apocalypse and all that.”

He fiddled with the fabric of my sleeve, rubbing the crushed velvet between his fingers, a habit he’d developed as a comfort for when he was overwhelmed or anxious. I blinked furiously as tears attempted to break free from the corners of my eyes. Taking his face in my hands, I tilted his head back up, mustering up the softest, most empathetic expression I was capable of.

“I love you beyond comprehension.” I delicately stroked his cheekbones with my thumbs, planting a kiss on the tip of his nose. “You deserve everything good. You deserve people around you who love you for exactly who you are. You deserve silly little holiday traditions and a warm place to come home to. You deserve a life full of love, peace, and happiness.”

Taking my hat off and tossing it on the floor, I pressed on Daryl’s leg, coaxing him to spread them apart to allow me to settle in between. Draping my arms around his neck, I threaded my fingers into his hair, twirling locks between them. “You deserve someone who will stick with you through the good times and the bad, someone who will sit with you on your hardest days and help you heal from the horrors you’ve had to endure.”

Pressing my forehead to his, I kissed the tip of his nose again and stared deep into those gorgeous cerulean pools. Those eyes…god, those fucking eyes. Even after all this time, they gave me the same butterflies in my stomach and weakness in my knees as they did the very first time we ever locked eyes. “You deserve me, Daryl. I’ve never been more sure of anything before.”

His eyes fell to the floor, and his shoulders noticeably relaxed, his nostrils flaring as he breathed a sigh of relief. Snaking his arms around my waist, he pulled me as close to him as was physically possible, resting his head on my shoulder and settling his face in the crook of my neck. His warm breath tickled my skin. His voice came out soft, shaky, barely above a whisper, his Adam’s apple vibrating against my collarbone. “I love you.”

“I love you too, my little Georgia peach.”

We sat like that for some time, the only sound permeating the stillness being the occasional soft snore from Jude. Every now and then, I’d kiss the top of his head, tenderly massaging his scalp with my fingers and reminding him that everything was ok. He melted into me, every muscle in his body slowly turning to jelly with each passing second. Despite that, he was holding me tight, as if he was afraid I would slip away if he loosened his grip, his arms snaking further around me with any small adjustment I made.

A soft, tender kiss met my shoulder, his lips lingering before placing another one, his thick accent muffled against my neck breaking the silence. “Dunno what I did to deserve ya.”

Tapping on his the back of his neck, he brought himself up from my shoulder, bringing his forehead back to mine. Weaving my fingers out of his hair, my hands traveled to and interlocked on the back of his neck, my thumbs tenderly massaging the sensitive area behind his ears. “Being you. That’s what you did.”

I saw a glimmer in his eye as a single tear caught the moonlight streaming in through the window. “It’s ok to cry, my peach,” I assured.

“Ain’t gon’ cry,” he retorted, his gaze falling back to the floor as he blinked rapidly. The sounds that dripped off my lips was somewhere between a scoff and a chuckle. That was the stubborn man I knew and loved.

“Well if you need to, just know it’s ok. And I’m here,” I reassured, “listen, I know marriage isn’t a thing now. Not in the sense it used to be anyway, but…” I bit my lip as a goofy grin spread across my face, stretching from ear-to-ear, lashes fluttering as he made eye contact with me once again. “As long as I’m alive, I’m sticking around.”

“Ya sayin’ ya wanna spend forever…w’me?” Dare I say there was a hint of excitement in his voice. I gave him a crooked half-smile and a nod.

“Mhm,” I hummed. The corners of his mouth upturned into his quintessential small smile. The softest shade of baby pink graced his cheeks, and there was a glint in his eyes, a sparkle I’d never seen before. He was beaming. As much as Daryl was capable of, anyway. “I’ve know that for a long time now. There are very few things you could do to actually get rid of me. I’m not going anywhere”

His eyes fell to my lips for a brief moment before he kissed me, tenderly, the same as he always did. The butterflies in my stomach awakened, and blood rushed to my cheeks as his fingers weaved into the holes of my fishnets, pressing lightly into the flesh of my thighs. “Good.”

“This is probably gonna sound hella cheesy, but…I see home when I look at you,” I explained. His smile slipped out again as our eyes locked.

“Ya sayin’ like that ya ain’t been sayin’ cheesy shit already,” he teased. One of his hands wandered up to rest on my hip, the other taking mine as I playfully shoved his chest.

“Oh shush. It might be cheesy, but I meant every word,” I reiterated, the silly, giddy grin I’d been trying to restrain breaking through my pitiful poker face, “you’re home to me, Daryl. Doesn’t matter where we are. Just as long as I’m with you.”

He bit his bottom lip, his voice timid as he echoed my sentiment. “You too.”

I reached out for my hat and plunked it on his head, giggling softly as I tilted it at a slight angle. He scoffed, but the look in his eyes told me he wasn’t going to be taking it off. Not with how happy it made me to see him wearing it. “Think maybe…” his voice trailed off for a moment before he found it again, “maybe we can do this again? Or a different one?”

“Mhm. We can tackle them all,” I reassured, giving his hand a tender squeeze, “one tradition at a time.”

I peered over his shoulder into the kitchen, my eyes falling to the slow cooker. “I don’t mean to detract from the sap, but you’ve been out all day. I’m sure you’re hungry.” I stared to get up, but he gently tugged on my hand to keep me in place.

“Stay sat, I got it,” he said. He leaned in and placed a kiss on my forehead before rising to his feet. “Ya made it, least I could do is get ya some.”

“I’ve never made it before,” I called out as he wandered to the kitchen, “it’s not the exact recipe, but I did the best I could with what we have access to.”

“‘M sure it’s good,” Daryl asserted, removing the lid from the slow cooker and grabbing bowls out of one of the cabinets, “98% success rate, ‘member?”

I watched intently as he took the ladle and stirred the soup, my eyes fixating on each move he made. Every ounce of love I had for him swelled in my chest, and I was sure my ribs would start cracking. The butterflies in my stomach were working overtime, and as he filled those little ceramic bowls to the brim, I made a promise. Not just to myself, but to him--I was going to spend the rest of my life making sure this perfect human being never thought, for even a second, that he wasn't good enough for me, again.

A half-smile spread across my face, which slowly turned into a full one as he strode back over, handing me one of the bowls and taking a seat next to me, maneuvering to close the space between us. “Do me a favor, sunshine,” he said, nodding to gesture to my dress as that faint pink appeared on his cheeks again, “next time I…take care of ya…promise you’ll wear that.”

I covered my mouth as I took a bite, chuckling at his gentlemanly euphemism. “If you insist.”

Taglist: @raddydaddydude @lovenormandixon @angeldemoncrowley @negansbestie

Divider found on Google via searching for stock images.

[bookworm551]

Of Duty and Desire | Chapter 4 | Neteyam x Metkayina!reader

A/N: So, ya girl got COVID on Monday, so I’ve had to miss work all week, but let my misfortune be your blessing bc I was able to finish this chapter early. Thank you for all the love from this fic, it’s almost finished!! I promise the next part will be fluffier, but in the meantime, I hope you enjoy angst :)

Words: 6.5k

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Epilogue

Fate seemed to be making a fool out of you. Before, when you wanted to see Neteyam, it was like he was never there, but now, one week after his confession, you were constantly running into him. To make matters worse, you were never alone together. There was always someone there to force the two of you into awkward interactions that you both wanted to avoid, and you would just have to pretend like everything was fine.

What was surprising was that nobody seemed to notice. Nobody paid any attention to the fact that you two were almost like strangers to each other. You wouldn't even look at each other if you could help it, though you couldn't resist watching his face every now and then when he wasn't looking.

You felt miserable, and there was no way to stop it. You had nobody to talk to about it since the one person you would go to was the one person you were avoiding. You wished that you had listened to him, that you hadn't pried, because now he didn't even acknowledge you in public. He would just nod politely like he would any stranger, or sometimes he wouldn't do anything at all. He would just walk by like you weren't there.

The only person who could manage to take your mind off of Neteyam was Tsireya. The two of you were inseparable, and even though you felt you couldn't tell her the truth about Neteyam, being around her eased the hurt you were hiding. You would often ask her to accompany you on errands around the island just so that you wouldn't have to be alone with your thoughts.

On one such occasion, the two of you were planning a trek up the island mountain to gather as many star berries as possible now that they were in season. You each had a large basket and a pouch full of water as you set off towards the trees to the mountain. As you crossed the beach, your attention was drawn to the figures of Lo'ak and Neteyam not far off.

You looked away quickly and hoped desperately that they didn't see you, but your luck didn't hold because Tsireya saw them, too. You sighed as she called out for the boys, and they both crossed over to where you both stood. You gave Neteyam a quick glance before looking down at the sand.

"We are heading up the mountain to pick star berries," Tsireya explained with a shining smile. "You should join us!" Lo'ak returned her smile eagerly and replied, "Sure, that sounds like fun." You stifled a sigh. Of course, he would agree to come with the two of you.

Neteyam glanced back and forth between you and Lo'ak uncomfortably. "Actually, there is something I need to go do," he said quietly and took a step back. Lo'ak shot his brother a confused look. "What are you talking about, bro?" He asked, giving Neteyam a light smack on his arm. "Don't be a wuss, come on."

Neteyam looked carefully over at you and hesitated. You realized that he was gauging your reaction to see how he should reply. If he came, it would force the two of you to interact more than you had the whole week put together. At first, you were inclined to react negatively, but after a split second, you said, "These baskets will be heavy when they're full. It would be nice to have more hands to carry them."

Neteyam blinked in surprise before nodding slowly. "Alright," he conceded. Honestly, you surprised yourself. Maybe it was for the best that you avoided him, but doing that was already causing you so much misery. If you could try and ease the tension between you, perhaps you could regain some semblance of your friendship again.

The four of you walked together into the trees. Tsireya and Lo'ak stepped side-by-side while you and Neteyam each walked on the opposite sides of them. You listened to their chatter while occasionally joining in to seem less awkward.

The path through the trees eventually narrowed so that only two at a time could walk together. Tsireya and Lo'ak pushed through together, forcing you and Neteyam to fall behind them. He hadn't said a word this whole time, and it seemed he would keep it that way unless you interjected.

"Hi," you said softly, looking up at him with a faint smile. He glanced over at you in mild surprise before replying back, "Hi." You took a couple of steps in silence while you thought of something better to say.

"Listen, I—," "I'm sorry—,"

You both rushed to speak at the same time, cutting each other off. Awkwardly, you both gave weak smiles before Neteyam said, "You first." You took a breath to regain your thoughts before speaking.

"I wanted to say that we shouldn't have to be so formal around each other," you explained quietly. "I miss speaking with you, and I don't want to spend the rest of my life treating you like a stranger." He took a couple of steps in contemplation. "And how should we be around each other?" He asked thoughtfully.

You gave a soft shrug. "Like friends," you suggested. He didn't say anything for a moment, he just looked up the trail where Lo'ak and Tsireya had disappeared to. "Friends," he repeated slowly like he was testing the word in his mouth. You nodded. "Friends," you confirmed.

He seemed dubious, but he nodded with you. "It's your turn now," you stated. "What were you going to say?" He looked over at you with a faint smile that quickly faded away. "I am sorry for my behavior lately," he told you sincerely. "I wasn't sure how to handle everything, so I just decided that avoiding you was for the best."

You sighed as you looked down at the shrubs around your feet. "I understand," you said. "And I am sorry for what I did, too. I should not have pried, it was wrong." He shook his head with a sigh. "I was pulling away," he explained. "You didn't deserve that. I'm sorry."

You walked in a slow silence for a while. The path through the trees was now clearing up and turning upwards into the mountain. Lo'ak and Tsireya were already way ahead of you. "Keep up!" Lo'ak called from above with a laugh.

You and Neteyam shared a look before increasing your pace across the ground. The terrain was growing rocky, and your large basket made the ascent a little awkward. At one point, you stopped before a steep boulder, trying to figure out the best way up. Neteyam scaled it easily before turning back and offering his hand wordlessly.

You hesitated for half a moment before taking his hand, and he effortlessly pulled you up to him. You stood face-to-face for a moment with your hand still in his. His eyes flickered back and forth between your eyes and lips for a beat before he dropped your hand and took a step back toward the trail.

Heart pounding, you sighed and shook yourself mentally. Friends, you reminded yourself. Just be friends. You pressed on after the others ahead of you.

Before long, you all came upon the bushes of star berries that grew along the trail. The four of you immediately began picking, feeling triumphant about finally reaching your destination. All around you, the bushes spread over the ground and intermingled among various plants and flowers.

"Don't eat them!" Tsireya scolded Lo'ak playfully as he popped the berries into his mouth. You couldn't help but laugh as he skipped out of reach from your friend's swatting hands. "Just a couple won't hurt," Lo'ak argued with a grin.

He headed further up to start picking the berries further away so he could snack on them without fear of getting whacked for it. You shook your head at him with a smile as you, Tsireya, and Neteyam worked closely together to harvest the sweet food. "That skxawng is going to eat them all," Neteyam stated with a sigh, earning a laugh from you and Tsireya.

"I'm glad the rain lilies are still in bloom," you noted. "They are so pretty." Tsireya hummed in agreement. She leaned over to where a large, red flower grew from the ground and plucked it. With a smile, she turned back to you and placed it behind your ear.

"There," she said proudly. You laughed at her playfully but kept the flower in place. "Doesn't she look beautiful?" She asked Neteyam. His eyes glanced up at your face, and he smiled softly. "Very," he agreed after a beat.

You turned your head away to focus on picking more berries while you felt a warm blush spread across your face. Maybe having him come was not such a good idea.

Slowly, you made your way up the trail with your basket growing heavier and heavier. Tsireya had gotten up and moved over to Lo'ak to keep him from eating all the berries he picked, leaving you and Neteyam to work in silence together. You wanted to say something, but the words just didn't seem to flow like they used to. Now, it seemed that you had too much to say and no way of saying it.

After you had cleared most of the bushes around you, you stood up to move further up the trail. As you stood, the flower resting behind your ear came loose and fluttered down to the ground. Before you could stoop down and grab it, Neteyam reached over to where the flower had fallen and picked it up. He stood up beside you and brought his hand up to your head.

He carefully placed the flower behind your ear again, his fingers brushing against your hair as he stared down at you. You felt paralyzed as you looked up at him. His eyes were trained on the lily for a moment before moving to look at your eyes. You could see the longing in his face as his fingers slowly moved down and gently traced the edge of your face, causing your breath to falter.

With a heavy sigh, he closed his eyes and pulled back. "Friends," he muttered under his breath as he grabbed the basket off the ground and moved over to where the others were. You stood there for a moment and took a deep breath. This definitely wasn't a good idea.

You all continued collecting berries until both baskets were completely full. Together, you and the others hauled your harvest back down the mountain, Lo'ak and Tsireya walking together with a basket between them, leaving you and Neteyam to walk together with the other basket in silence.

"Surely, we can have a normal conversation together," you said finally, breaking the awkward silence between you.  "I miss talking to you." Neteyam didn't say anything for a beat before responding, "I miss talking to you as well." He looked over at you and studied your face for a moment. "I just—," he hesitated, and you both slowed your pace. "I don't know how to be 'just friends' when I feel the way I do," he admitted. "Or when I know how you feel, too."

You looked away from him, feeling slightly abashed. "I know," you said quietly. "I wish it was simple." You kept walking a few paces before stopping, forcing Neteyam to stop with you. "You know why it must be this way, yes?" you wondered aloud, staring up at him intently. He hesitated and took a deep breath.

"Yes," he answered quietly. "I know that you have a duty to uphold to your people." You nodded solemnly, turning back to walk down the trail. Neteyam didn't move though, and you looked back up at him questioningly. "But if you had a choice...," he began slowly, watching you carefully for your reaction.

You shook your head and gave him a warning look. "Don't do that," you told him in a low voice. "There is no choice, and wishing that there was will only make this worse." You noticed how his jaw flexed at your words as he stared down at you. You held his gaze for a moment before he looked away with a faint nod and continued down the path.

The truth was that you did wish that you had a choice. You tore yourself up over it day and night, yet somehow, it was more painful knowing that he also participated in that self-inflicted torture. Hearing it out loud made you aware of just how hurtful wishful thinking could be when there was no possibility of it coming true.

Still, Neteyam didn't seem happy with what you said, and he didn't say anything else for the rest of the trip back to the village. When you arrived back, you left your baskets with those preparing the food for the night. Neteyam immediately began walking away back toward the beach, but you still felt dissatisfied with how your conversations ended and wanted to give it one more try.

"Neteyam," you called out, stepping quickly across the sand to catch up to him. He stopped walking at the sound of your voice, but he didn't turn around. You grabbed his arm gently and pulled him around to face you. He turned to you with closed eyes and took a deep breath.

"Can you just tell me what you're thinking?" you pleaded softly. He opened his eyes and looked down at you tenderly. He waited a moment before speaking. "I want to be with you," he quietly admitted at last. "All the time, every day, I want to be with you." You stared up at him wordlessly as he took a breath. His face was gentle and forlorn as he gazed down at you.

"But you have an obligation to be with someone else," he continued with a slight shake of his head. "So, as much as I want to be with you, I think that me staying away is for the best." Your jaw clenched reflexively at his words, feeling the sting of them deep in your chest.

You stood there, not sure of what to say to him. "I am sorry," he whispered earnestly. "This is how it must be." Your eyes met his, and you could see that he truly looked regretful at what he was saying. He could only hold your gaze for a few seconds before he turned around and walked away, leaving you standing on the beach hurt and alone.

The hurt hadn't subsided by the next day, but you carried on as normally as you could. You didn't see him at all the whole day, even during meal times. He seemed to be committed to his resolve of staying away from you.

Later in the day, you were working in Ronal's tent when, from the corner of your eye, you saw a dark blue figure enter into the tent. With a heavy sigh, you closed your eyes. "I thought you said you weren't—," you cut yourself off mid-sentence as you opened them again. Lo'ak was standing there with one of his human-like eyebrows raised apprehensively.

"Sorry," you muttered, slightly embarrassed. "I thought— I thought you were Neteyam." With an awkward look, Lo'ak replied slowly, "Uh-huh." Taking a breath, you asked him, "What can I help you with?"

He studied you for a second. "My mother sent me to get something for a stomachache," he explained. You nodded and pushed yourself up from the floor to walk across the tent.

As you were searching for the appropriate remedy, Lo'ak said, "Speaking of Neteyam—," You sighed in exasperation at his words. You did not want to talk about Neteyam, especially not to his brother. "Sore subject?" Lo'ak observed. You shook your head, trying to remain as neutral as possible. "Why would he be?" You asked mutely.

From the corner of your eye, you could see that Lo'ak crossed his arms over his chest. "I don't know," he replied, "but you're definitely a sore subject for him." You glanced over at him for a second before turning away, but you caught the expectant look on Lo'ak's face.

"What's going on with you guys?" He asked in concern. You paused, deliberating whether or not you should tell your friend what had happened. "It's nothing," you told him, grabbing a handful of leaves. You turned back to him and handed him the remedy. "Soak this in water and have her drink it," you instructed.

Lo'ak took the leaves but studied your face closely. "Whatever is going on with you," he said slowly, "it's killing him. I've never seen him like this before." Your chest tightened painfully, and you closed your eyes, fighting to stay composed. "Lo'ak," you pleaded quietly. "Just leave it."

He stared at you, unsure of what to do or say. Finally, he said, "Listen, I know that my brother can be annoying, but he cares about you a lot, you know?" You looked down at the floor. "I know," you responded quietly. Lo'ak shook his head. "It doesn't really seem like it," he countered. You felt your impassive countenance crumble as your throat tightened, and you looked up at him slowly.

"I know," you whispered.

Lo'ak froze, and his whole demeanor shifted as he realized what you were saying. "Oh," he replied in a loud whisper. "He told you?" You sighed regretfully. There was no point in denying it now.

"I sort of forced it out of him," you admitted. He hummed in understanding. "So that's why you guys have been acting weird," he surmised. You looked away from him with a faint nod. "It has been difficult for us to be around each other," you told him.

"What does Aonung think?" Lo'ak asked. You shook your head. "He doesn't know," you explained. "He can't know." Lo'ak raised an eyebrow at you. "You didn't tell him?" he sounded surprised. You sighed and ran a hand over your face. "Of course not," you replied. "It would just lead to more problems."

There was a pause, and from the corner of your eye, you could see Lo'ak watching you carefully. "Aonung does not have feelings for me," you explained slowly. "But if he finds out that Neteyam does, he will be very angry with him. And with me." Lo'ak looked at you in curiosity. "Why would he be angry with you?" he questioned.

You didn't respond for a moment, you just turned and looked up at him sadly. "Lo'ak," you whispered urgently. "It's not just Neteyam who has feelings. I...," you trailed off, hoping that he could pick up on what you were trying to say.

Fortunately, he did. "Oh," he whispered, and then his eyes widened at the realization of what you were saying. "Oh." He looked behind himself to make sure nobody was lurking by the entrance before he asked in a loud whisper, "You like him back?!"

You shushed him with a light smack on the arm, feeling embarrassed at his conclusion, but you were not able to deny it. "Oh, that is bad," he continued quietly, unfazed at you hitting him. "I thought you loved Aonung." You closed your eyes in exasperation. Maybe you should have kept this to yourself.

"We are betrothed," you explained in a hushed tone. "But we do not have feelings for each other. We never have." Lo'ak crossed his arms as he looked at you with a puzzled face. "Then why would you agree to be with him if you guys didn't like each other?" he questioned.

You let out a huff of irritation. Was he really this oblivious? "Don't you see?" You said desperately. "This has all been arranged since I was younger than Tuk." Lo'ak's eyebrows furrowed, and he seemed taken aback somewhat. "What do you mean?" He asked.

You sighed and shook your head. "My mother and Ronal have been close friends their whole lives. So, when my mother had a daughter and Ronal had a son...," you sighed in resignation. "It was obvious." Lo'ak didn't say anything as he watched you carefully. "When I turned 15," you continued, "they did a formal announcement, but it was all for show. I knew Ronal had chosen me, and saying yes seemed like the right thing for the People."

You paused as you remembered the day. Your family had seemed so happy, as did his. With hundreds of eyes on you, you accepted the role of tsakarem in front of the whole clan. You hadn't realized at the time what you were giving up, but how could you? You had never planned on falling in love with an Omatikayan warrior.

"So," Lo'ak began slowly, "you never really wanted any of this, did you?" You shook your head sadly. "No," you whispered. "And I cannot give up my position without bringing shame and dishonor to myself, my family, and Aonung. I would practically be an outcast." He nodded and gave you a sympathetic look. "I'm sorry," he told you earnestly. "Being an outcast is no fun, trust me." You gave him a weak smile and sighed again.

"You cannot tell anyone this," you said insistently. "Not Kiri, not Tuk, and definitely not Tsireya." You shot him a pointed look. Lo'ak raised his hands in surrender and said, "Alright, alright. Your secret is safe with me," then added as an afterthought, "but it won't be safe for long if you two don't figure out some way to act normally around each other. People are going to notice."

You nodded mutely at him. He was right— people would notice if you continued with this estranged relationship. "Thank you," you said quietly. "For listening and for keeping this quiet." He nodded softly and chuckled.

"If this gets out, Neteyam would be in more trouble than I've ever been in," he stated in amusement. You shot him a glare and smacked his arm again. "That's not funny," you told him in a serious tone. "Alright, it's not funny," he conceded with a wry grin still on his face. "I'm going to take this to my mother now."

You nodded and watched him leave. It felt nice to have a confidant, but your stomach still twisted with anxiety. Of all the people who could have found out, did it really have to be Lo'ak?

You were relieved, however, that Lo'ak seemed to keep your secret. He didn't tell, and he didn't try to interfere with the mess between you and his brother. You still didn't see Neteyam around very much, and it still hurt knowing why.

The first time you saw him again after picking berries was just a couple days after Lo'ak found out. You were all eating dinner together when Aonung came up to your circle of friends with Neteyam at his side. "I have found our wayward friend," Aonung joked as he sat down beside you. Neteyam had not sat with you all in nearly a week, and the others had started to notice his unexplained absence.

"Is it so bad for one to eat with their parents?" He defended with a small smile. Aonung rolled his eyes playfully. "If you don't like us, just say so," he replied. Neteyam chuckled at his friend and sat down across from you. You didn't bother looking at him, keeping your eyes trained on your food.

"Tomorrow, all of us are going hunting out past the reef," Aonung told him. "You should come with us." Neteyam paused in consideration. "All of you?" He asked casually, but you knew why he was asking.

"Not me," you interjected. "I am working with Ronal all day in the village, so I cannot go out hunting with them." Aonung nudged you gently. "You do not even like going out past the sea wall," he noted with a knowing smirk. The corners of your mouth turned upwards. He was right, you much preferred staying in the reef. It was much more beautiful than outside the drop-off, and you enjoyed the peacefulness of it all.

"I know," you said, nudging him back, "but I still wish I could choose." Neteyam couldn't help but give a quiet huff at your statement and replied quietly, "Wishing for a choice you don't have always makes it worse."

Neteyam hadn't really meant for you to hear it, but you did. The smile on your face immediately vanished, and you stared down at your food again. He saw your reaction and immediately knew that he had crossed the line. You didn't look at him or say anything else for the rest of the meal, and it weighed on him heavily. He decided to wait until you dismissed yourself to go and apologize in private, but you finished at the same time as Tsireya, and without another word, you left with her.

After everyone had finished eating, Neteyam went off on his own to find you before it grew too late in the evening. He walked through the village to where your home was, but he soon found it was empty. He was walking back towards the beach again when he came across Tsireya, who informed him that you had gone out for a late-night walk alone.

"She said she needed to clear her mind," she explained to him with a small shrug. Neteyam nodded gratefully and continued walking along the beach. He knew you enjoyed unwinding on the beach like you had the night he took you out on his ikran, and so he trailed the perimeter of the island in hopes of coming across you.

He wandered further and further away from the village until he came across the edge of the sea wall where the water ran over the edge of the rocks. He paused.  When I need to clear my mind, I have a secret place I like to go to. That's what you had told him before. Looking around, he recognized this as the north end of the sea wall, right where you told him you go.

Glancing around to ensure that no one was present to see him, Neteyam walked into the waves and began swimming out toward the overflowing water. The rocks of the sea wall stood out high above the rest of the sea, and the falling water produced a steady roar that drowned out most of the noise around.

Taking a breath, Neteyam submerged himself under the water where you said the cave entrance was. It was difficult to see, so he kept a hand on the rock as he swam deeper and deeper until it gave way and started receding away from him. Following the tunnel with his hand, he swam into the entrance of the rock until he began to see a faint glow ahead. He didn't have to swim far before the tunnel turned upward and his head broke the surface of the water.

You were sitting beside the pool of water that Neteyam had popped up from, and when you saw him, you gasped in surprise and jumped to your feet in alarm. "You scared me," you whispered harshly as you took a couple of steps back to regain your composure and calm your startled heart.

"I'm sorry," he said earnestly, but he couldn't resist a small smile at your reaction. "I thought I would find you here." You sighed in resignation. "You are the only one who could," you replied under your breath, sounding almost regretful that you had revealed your hiding spot to him.

Taking in the sight of the cave, Neteyam was impressed. The roof of the cave was high enough for even the tallest of Na'vi to stand at full height without issue, and in the dim light, Neteyam saw that the cave pushed back far into the body of the rock. The ground surrounding the water was smooth, and looking up along the damp cavern walls, there was glowing lichen growing over the rocks, casting a bluish glow throughout the whole space. It was beautiful.

You watched as he pulled himself up from the pool, droplets of water falling from his lean figure. "What are you doing here?" you questioned in a defeated voice. He took a breath, all the amusement from startling you disappearing from his face. "I am sorry for what I said before at dinner," he said honestly, stepping toward you. "I shouldn't have said anything."

You hugged yourself defensively and looked away from him. "You weren't wrong," you muttered quietly. He shook his head with a sigh. "That doesn't mean it was right for me to say," he pointed out. You didn't respond, keeping your eyes fixed on a particular spot on the wall to avoid looking at him.

"I know you want things to go back to how they were," he said gently, "but I do not think that is possible." You closed your eyes at his words, already feeling emotional about what he had said earlier in the evening. "I can't pretend to be fine while you are betrothed to someone else," he continued. "I just— I don't know how to be around you...but I can't seem to stay away from you."

You huffed dejectedly and fought back tears. You were so tired, both physically and emotionally. The friction between the two of you had been wearing you down since he had revealed his feelings for you. It was so difficult for you to go from being as close as you were to now having this tense and strained relationship. You wanted to make things right, but now, it felt impossible.

"So that's it?" you asked quietly. "We just go on with our lives acting like we don't know each other?" He looked down at you sadly without reply. "I don't want to do that," you continued softly. "I still care about you, Neteyam, but when you just ignore me, it feels like you hate me." His eyes softened at your words, and you had to glance away in order to keep your emotions in check. You whispered finally, "I don't know what to do to make it stop."

After a brief silence, Neteyam let out a regretful sigh. To your surprise, he took a step forward and reached out to take your hand in his. "I don't hate you," he muttered quietly. "Not even close." You looked up at his face, his ordinarily amber eyes appearing green in the light of the cave lichen. "You could've fooled me," you mumbled under your breath.

He closed his eyes and squeezed your hand gently. "I don't hate you," he repeated insistently. "I am angry, but not at you." His hand dropped from yours, and you immediately missed his touch. "I'm angry with myself for being so...," he looked away as he searched for the right words. "For not being able to let you go."

You felt an aching in your chest at his words. You had lost track of the hours you stayed up at night wishing that things could be different, that you didn't have to be with Aonung, that you could renounce your title without bringing shame to your family. You felt tears prick at your eyes as you looked at Neteyam's defeated face. The truth was, you hadn't been able to let go of him either.

You shook your head sadly. "Neteyam," you said softly. "Talking about it will only make it harder for both of us." He scoffed quietly at your words. "I think that makes it worse, too," he added. "The fact that you feel the same way, and so we are both here quietly suffering."

You felt somewhat attacked by his words. "You know why I can't," you told him sharply. "You of all people should know what it's like to have to put your duties before yourself." He grimaced. "Of course, I know," he murmured under his breath. "It's all I've ever known. All my life, I have done what is expected of me. I have always played the parts I was given— the son of Olo'eyktan, older brother, warrior, future leader."

His voice was growing more heated as he spoke, and he took a step toward you, drawing even closer. "And I have never complained. I have never once tried to do something or be someone else, and I was fine with it. Even when I wanted different, I never complained." He glanced away for a moment and clenched his jaw. When he looked back at you, you could see the frustration burning in his face. "I just—," he paused, staring at you intensely. "I've never wanted anything as much as I want you."

Your voice felt stuck. Your heart was beating so hard that you were surprised the sound of it wasn't echoing in the cave around you.

Neteyam shook his head and looked down at the floor. "Maybe if you didn't care," he continued quietly, "or even if you hated me, maybe I could bear it. But to know that you...," he trailed off, his hands clenching into fists. "It burns," he said softly. His eyes flashed up to yours, and you could see his face contorted in frustration and longing.

"Doesn't it burn for you?"

Your throat tightened, and for a moment, you couldn't say anything. You clenched your jaw as you fought to stay composed. "Of course it burns," you whispered back, not trusting your voice. "Every day it burns. Every day I wish things were different. I wish—," your voice cracked as you got louder, making you pause.

You shook your head in remorse. "But I can't get my wish. I will never get it. People like you and I don't get what we want. That is the sacrifice demanded of us, for our duty." Neteyam remained still for a beat. He closed his eyes and sighed. "I know," he whispered. "You're right. I'm sorry."

You sighed and ran a frustrated hand over your face. "Don't you just wish it would stop?" You asked quietly. He looked down at you, and his gaze softened. He no longer looked upset, just sad. After a moment, he replied softly, "No." You blinked up at him, surprised by his answer.

"I just wish it could be real," he whispered, his eyes settling on your face intently.

There was something about his answer that made your heart start beating faster. Maybe it was the way he cocked his head at you with his eyes staring at you desirously. Perhaps it was how the glowing reflections of the water around you illuminated his face. It may have been the tone of his voice as he spoke, but whatever it was, it made your mind freeze.

Without another thought or another word, you stepped forward and kissed him.

Neteyam melted into you instantly. He brought his hands around your waist as you slid your arms around his neck, pulling him closer to you. Your lips broke apart for a second before he eagerly returned for more.

It was everything you wanted. His strong body leaned against yours, and you could feel the muscles in his shoulders under your hands. He pressed against you, and you took a couple of steps backward with blind trust. Without breaking your kiss, one of his hands left your body to catch the wall behind you before your back came to rest against it.

He couldn't seem to get enough of you as he deepened the kiss, his tongue tracing the edge of your lips. You sighed against his mouth, all the tension you had been feeling for so long finally being released. He moved his lips down to your jaw and kissed you all the way down to your neck. You moaned softly as his lips trailed down your sensitive skin. You raised your hand to hold his head as he kissed you when something made him pause.

He pulled back slightly, and you opened your eyes to look at him. You saw that his eyes were fixated on your neck, or more specifically, what rested on your neck. Your hand came up and felt the akula tooth hanging on the necklace Aonung made for you.

Oh no.

You were instantly brought back to reality with a sharp gasp. You pulled your arms away from Neteyam and brought the back of your hand to your lips. This was all wrong. You shouldn't be here. You shouldn't be doing this.

Neteyam seemed to realize at the same time as you what you had done, and he stepped back with a distressed look. "I'm sorry," he whispered apologetically. You closed your eyes, trying to keep yourself composed. "No," you replied softly. "It was me, I—," you took a shaky breath, still keeping your eyes shut. "I should not have— I am sorry."

You could still feel the memory of his lips against yours, the warmth of his arms around your body. Even now, you could hear his heavy breathing. You opened your eyes and saw Neteyam's concerned face staring back at you. He looked so worried for you. In his eyes, you could see the longing he felt for you, but he stayed back for your sake.

"I can't do this," you whispered finally. "I thought I could, but I can't." His eyes flashed in pain at your words, but he didn't say anything. You stepped away from the wall, still feeling your heart beat rapidly in your chest.

As you moved away, Neteyam whispered your name softly, making you hesitate. You wanted nothing more than to be wrapped in his arms again, to feel his lips on yours. "I'm sorry," he repeated. "I didn't mean to upset you." He shifted anxiously before repeating softly, "I don't know how to stay away from you."

You closed your eyes tightly at his words. "No," you said quietly. "I cannot trust myself around you." You opened your eyes and saw the pain clearly displayed across his face. "Please," he whispered. "Don't go." Your throat tightened, and tears welled in your eyes. "I'm sorry," you said, your voice cracking.

You turned, dove back into the pool, and prayed that Neteyam didn't follow you. Even if he did jump after you, though, you knew you were the faster swimmer, and you moved as quickly as you could away from the edge of the sea wall and back to the village.

That night, you got no sleep. You tossed and turned, the memories of the night replaying over and over again in your head. You couldn't shake the memory of his lips moving against yours, the warmth of his body pressed close to you, and the desperation of Neteyam's touch on your skin. What was most prevalent in your mind was the overwhelming guilt you felt at everything.

How could you face Ronal and Aonung knowing what you had done?

Chapter 5

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Taglist: @mashiromochi @eywas-heir @kafanizdakicokiyi @plzfeedmebread @afro-hispwriter @fanboyluvr @anm3mi @sadexact @peachinsomnia @fluroescentxadolescent @doulcha @crazy4books1 @im-in-a-pansexual-panik​

[avatarrecom]

Sorry that I hit you, I actually love you

Pairing: Poly!recoms x Avatar!reader

Word count: 6.5k

A/N: This is the longest I've ever written lol. This story is sort of a little gift to @whxre-bxby, because I absolutely love their writing and it inspired me to write this story. I also totally did not want to write an enemies to lovers because I wanted to use the tag #foes to bro's to hoes.

There's one reason you came to Pandora. Only one simple reason. To make the people responsible for your brother's death pay. All you have is his name, the name of the man who killed your brother by ordering his helicopter to be shot down. Miles Quaritch. You will break him and everyone he cares about. You don't know how, but you will. get. revenge.

Your brother, Timmy, may he rest in peace, was fourteen years older than you and raised you from the moment you took your first breath. Your parents were even more useless than water was useless to a dead plant. Day in and day out, they were more concerned with getting high than with the two children they forgot they had. When you were four, your brother managed to become your guardian. You moved into the shitty little apartment that was the only one he could afford. Your brother insisted that you get the only bedroom. “Little girls need their own room, Butterfly,” he said before turning the old sagging couch into something that would resemble a bed.

The next few years consisted of school for you, a nine to five job for your brother and evening classes on top of that. After six years, your brother had completed his mechanical engineering degree. Shortly afterwards he told you that he had been offered a military engineer and helicopter pilot position by the RDA. But, for this he would have to go to Pandora. He told you that if he did this he would go to Pandora, his salary would be sent to you and the RDA would get you a caregiver.

And so, when you were only ten years old, he pressed a kiss to the tip of your nose, and left for Pandora. He left you in the care of a wonderful old woman, Helen, who helped you follow your dream of becoming an Avatar Driver. But after less than half a year, you received news that your brother was dead. According to the RDA report, your brother betrayed his own race by helping his fellow pilot, Trudy, free prisoners and fight the RDA. You were devastated. Your only family was gone. The RDA tried to send you to an orphanage. But Helen refused to let you go. Finally, the RDA gave up and let you stay with her. You still followed your dream of becoming an Avatar driver.

Now, sixteen years after your brother's death, you have finally arrived on Pandora.

And oh man, was it a shock when you arrived and found out you were joining the squad of the man who killed your brother. You didn't expect it to be this easy. You were supposed to meet him and his squad in your Avatar body. By now you were used to being ten feet tall, having a tail and having better hearing, sight and smell.

After changing into cargo shorts and a sports bra, you make your way to the 'Recombinant' quarters. You will find your new squad in the gym, training. You immediately spot the person you are here for. Miles Quaritch. He lies on his back on a bench and pushes the heavy weights above him. A bald man stands by his head, hands ready to take over the weights if it gets too heavy. Your gaze shifts to the other blue bodies and everyone is focused on their exercises. You see a woman with corn braids and a headband curling a dumbbell while she talks to a woman with a mohawk who is doing push-ups. To your right, you see a man wearing a bandana sparring with a man covered in tattoos. In the corner of the room, three men are doing pull-ups on the bars hanging between the walls. And finally a man wearing sunglasses 'who the hell wears sunglasses indoors' is running on a treadmill.

No one notices you because of the loud music coming from the speakers, so you knock loudly on the door behind you. Several eyes shoot your way. You feel uncomfortable with all the attention on you. "And who might you be," purrs Quaritch with a nasty grin. “Y/N,” you answer, trying not to lose your temper. Nothing could have prepared you to come face to face with your brother's killer.

Quaritch's eyes widen in realization. "You're the new addition to the squad." You nod stiffly and clasp your hands behind your back. The bald man lets out a loud laugh. "Relax, beautiful, we don't bite." The woman with the dumbbell hits him on the head and says something about men and testosterone to the other woman, who laughs in response.

Quaritch walks towards you, his posture commanding respect and obedience. "Colonel Miles Quaritch," he holds out his hand, "Pleasure to have you." You force a bitter smile and shake his hand. “I wish I could say the same.” You see everyone looking at you in shock. You give them an icy look.

Quaritch's stupid grin only widens as he takes you in. "I see, you're one of those." “One of those what,” you snap. "It doesn't matter, we'll break that behavior out of you." He steps aside and you roll your eyes so he doesn't see it. “So Y/N, meet the squad,” He gestures to the others. "The bald one is my second, Corporal Lyle Wainfleet." Lyle and the two women look at you with an almost disgusted look. "The two ladies are Walker and Z-dog."

Quaritch gestured to the men sparring before your entrance, “That's Prager and Lopez.” Bandana looks at you suspiciously and the tattooed one looks at you with a feral grin that makes him look like one of those hyenas from the Lion King. “Brown, Ja and Fike are at the bars and that's Mansk,” Quaritch finishes. "Come on guys, meet our new victim."

Quaritch gestured to the men sparring before your entrance, “That's Prager and Lopez.” One looks suspiciously and the other looks at you with a feral grin that makes him look like one of those hyenas from the Lion King. “Brown, Ja and Fike are at the bars and that's Mansk,” Quaritch finishes. "Come on guys, meet our new victim." With that he walks out of the gym. You stare hatefully at his retreating back. When he's out of sight and you turn your attention back to the rest of your squad, you see them staring at you with equal hatred.

“So,” Lyle begins, “what the hell is your problem.” “That ain't your damn business,” you reply. Lyle grins at his friends. “Women shouldn't curse,” says the tattooed man with a shit-eating grin. You roll your eyes, “Get fucked.” He blinks in surprise, but doesn't answer. You turn your back to the group and walk out of the gym.

The next few weeks were absolute hell for you. You were trained as a medic in addition to your Avatar training. You had absolutely no experience in hand to hand combat and weapons. It didn't help that your squad took pleasure in seeing you suffer. Quaritch forced you to do five hundred push-ups every morning, to run for at least an hour, and many other exercises that completely exhausted you. In the afternoon the squad would take you around and kick your ass in hand-to-hand combat. After a few days you were already covered in bruises. You already had a bruised ankle and you had muscle pain in muscles you didn't even know existed.

And of course the favorite passage of time outside of training was to make your life miserable. You lost count of how many times they 'accidentally' slammed you into the wall, how many times they 'accidentally' stepped on your tail and 'accidentally' stepped on your ankles, especially your bruised ankle. They threw the most uncreative insults at you. You simply ignored them and continued to perfect your revenge plan.

About three months after you met and three months of absolute hell, you walked to the cafeteria in your 'human body'. You were so deep in thought that you didn't realize you were bumping into someone. To be specific, a ten foot tall and blue, someone. “Oh shit, sorry,” you heard someone say as a blue hand held your arm so you could regain your balance. You look up and see that Brown was holding your arm. He tilts his head and looks at you confused. "Have we met yet? You look familiar, beautiful." Your other tormentors watch you with interest, you shiver as they sweep their gazes over your body, and you don't shiver in a good way, the way that makes you feel the heat in your core. "Wait, I know you, you're the girl of my dreams!"

You jerk your arm from his grip and scoff, “that's funny, because this feels like my nightmare.” Immediately the eyes of the blue creatures in front of you darken. “Wait, Y/N?!” Walker says in surprise. You roll your eyes and nod. Everyone's eyes widen in shock. Just as you're about to walk away, you hear Lyle, "Y/N, wait." Normally you would have just kept walking, but something in his voice catches your attention. You sigh and turn back to the Recoms, who are studying you in shock. “What,” you snap.

"Timmy was your brother," Z-dog says breathlessly. You detect a slight tremor in her voice, but pay it no mind as the rage takes over your body. “Don't say his name,” you snarl between clenched teeth. “Don't you dare ever say his name,” everything you're feeling right now is the most intense you've ever felt. Your anger is mixed with grief and sadness. You don't even realize that tears are streaming down your face. "He is dead!" you shout, unable to keep your pent-up emotions in check. "And it's all your fault!" "What's going on here," you hear an angry voice command.

In your anger you turn to the colonel, who stops slightly in his steps, thrown off by the angry tears on your face. You vaguely hear someone in the background saying that Timmy was your brother. "DON'T SAY HIS NAME!" you roar. “HE IS DEAD, HE WAS MY ONLY FAMILY, THE ONLY ONE WHO CARED ABOUT ME AND HE IS DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU!” You break more and more with every word.

Before anyone can say anything else, you storm off. Luckily no one comes after you. After rushing into your room, you collapse against the wall, exhausted. You shouldn't have gone to the cafeteria in your human body. You should have stayed in your Avatar body, then they would never have realized who you really were. Shit, if you take revenge now, they'll immediately suspect you after your public emotional explosion in the hallway. You drop your head into your hands and sigh. Then you fall asleep on the floor, completely exhausted from the recent events.

When you wake up, you are determined to continue with your plan. It doesn't matter if they actually knew your brother personally, he was your brother and he's dead because of them.

You manage to avoid your squad for a few days. You skip the daily training and don't answer when one of them comes knocking on your door. That surprises you, you expected them to be happy to be rid of you temporarily. But then again, they probably have Quaritch's orders to convince you to act like nothing's wrong. They would probably be in trouble if the bigwigs found out that they were the ones who kept damaging your Avatar body.

After about a week you appeared back in the gym in your Avatar body. The Recoms look at you without the usual hatred in their eyes. “Y/N, how nice that you're joining us, not so nice that you're a week late,” Quaritch speaks and he too looks at you without the usual hatred. You roll your eyes, “Come on, who wants to go first,” you challenge, eager to let your energy out, preferably on something that could hurt the Recoms.

Brown steps forward. You wrap your hands and walk to the mat, Brown on your heels. When Quaritch gives the signal that you can start, you jump into action. You deliver several quick punches to Brown’s vulnerable spots. Normally he would have already blocked them and thrown you onto your back, pressing his weight on your throat with his knee. Normally he wouldn't remove his knee, even if, according to the rules, you tapped the mat three times because you couldn't breathe. Normally he would only remove his knee from your throat when you almost faint from the lack of oxygen.

But this time it's different. He lets you hit him, does the minimum to block you. This only makes you angry. "Come on, fight back!" you shout. He doesn't show that he heard you, he just keeps avoiding you and doesn't do anything to fight back. "Come on! Do something!" you shout again.

Your emotions completely overwhelm you, you don't understand anything anymore. At first they looked at you with hatred and did their best to make your life a living hell, which isn't that strange since you were a bitch. Then they find out who your brother was and suddenly they look at you with sadness and pity and they are reserved, as if they didn't want to torment you anymore. As if the fact that Timmy was your brother suddenly changed everything.

With every punch you get angrier and angrier. Suddenly you see red and you snap. You get so angry that you grab Brown by the base of his queue, pull him down and slam your knee into his face. You feel his nose break and you faintly hear Quaritch yelling in the background for you to stop. It's like you're underwater, everything is muffled and you can't stop. You hit harder and harder. Brown leans on his knees and tries to block you as much as possible while also trying to stop his bleeding nose.

You feel someone wrap their arms around your waist and pull you away from Brown. You continue to fight and struggle to get out of the grip on your waist. Ja is seen kneeling in front of Brown and taking off his t-shirt to gently press it against his nose, hoping to slow the bleeding. The person with his arms around your waist roughly throws you to the ground, you land wrongly on your newly healed ankle and fall to the ground. You hold your ankle with your jaw clenched.

“What the fuck do you think you're doing?!” Quaritch sneers. Before you can answer he continues, his voice louder with each word. "Stop your pathetic crying and get out of my sight!" You rub your cheeks and find that they are damp, you didn't even realize you were crying. You carefully stand up, careful not to put too much weight on your probably bruised ankle again. You look at the others and see that they are looking at you with anger and sadness. Just before you walk out the door you hear Quaritch coldly say, "If you know what's good for you, you won't come back until I say so." With one last look at the bleeding Brown, you walk out the door.

You stumble back to the Avatar's quarters and you sink onto your Avatar's bed and close your eyes. When you open your eyes again, you are lying in the link bed. The moment the bed opens, you quickly get up and forget about your bruised ankle. For the second time today your ankle collapses. The scientists look at you, but do nothing to help you. You manage to pull yourself up and limp out of the lab. Every scientist you walk past looks at you with disgust.

The nerds refuse to help you. After yet another injury, they gave up and left you to your fate. "Good," you think bitterly, "I don't need those know-it-alls, I can take care of myself." But deep down you know that's not true, right now you need your brother more than you ever needed him after he passed away.

You manage to avoid the busy hallways, limping to your room. The moment the door closes behind you you start screaming. You blindly grab the first object you feel, your favorite mug, and throw it across the room against the wall. Then you throw the next object, the book you were reading. You almost destroy your entire room and you keep screaming until your throat is so raw that no sound comes out. You don't even realize how much time has passed.

You grab another object and want to throw it against the wall when you see what it is. A photo frame with a photo of you and your brother. God, you seemed so happy then, together in your own little world. You hug the picture frame close to your chest and sink along the wall to the floor, crying. All the grief you have built up in you over the past few years is finally coming out.

It's already dark outside when your door opens. You start telling whoever it is to fuck off, but no sound comes out of your throat. You're so tired and in so much pain that you don't have the energy to do anything about the unwanted person who comes into your room. All you can do is stare blankly into space as the tears continue to flow.

You faintly hear footsteps in your room and out of the corner of your eye you see a large blue figure crouching on the floor next to you. You feel yourself being pulled into someone's blue arms, but you don't have the energy to protest, you barely have the energy to move your eyes. The blue arms gently lay you down on your bed. Through your blurred eyes you vaguely recognize Yes. Past him you'll see Walker and Mansk trying to salvage some of your destroyed room. Then Lopez walks in, pausing in shock when he sees the state of your room. His eyes land on Ja and your exhausted form. He approaches the two of you carefully and hands Ja a white box with a red cross.

You vaguely realize that Ja is putting ice on your ankle, that he is using an alcohol wipe to clean the wounds that you didn't even realize you had. He grabs a pair of tweezers and starts removing the pieces of glass from your wounds. You feel so numb that you don't even feel the pain. The mattress moves and you see Prager sit on the edge of your bed.

He waits until Ja has cleaned and bandaged your hands before handing you a steaming mug. "It's chamomile tea with honey. It's soothing and will help with your sore throat." When you don't respond and just stare blankly at him, he puts the mug on the nightstand next to your bed.

You don't react yet until you see Ja with a syringe in his hands. You start to struggle and try to scream, but only a rasp comes from your throat. "Hey, hey, calm down." Ja holds his hands up. You curl up on your bed in the corner of your room, wide-eyed, shaking and ignoring the blood through the bandages. “Hey, read the name of the drug,” Ja says calmly and holds the bottle out to you. You relax slightly when you see that it is a sedative.

Yes, he brings the syringe with the drug to your arm and if you don't protest, he pushes the needle into your arm and allows the drug to flow into your system. Your eyes become heavy and you fall into a dreamless sleep.

When you wake up again it is still dark outside. You roll your head to the side and see part of your squad, or it's probably your old squad by now, sitting in various places on the floor in your room. A painful, rough growl erupts from your throat as you feel blades shooting through your skull with the movement of your head. Immediately seven heads shoot towards your weak form.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" you hear Ja ask softly. You try to answer, but your throat is so dry that no words come out. Prager offers you the still steaming cup of tea, you sit up a little and take it gratefully. The first sip immediately soothes your sore throat. You look at Ja and say a soft "Okay." Ja sighs in relief and runs a tired hand through his hair.

"What time is it?" you ask softly. Prager looks at his watch, "zero three hundred." ‘Did I sleep that short?’ you think to yourself 'I feel like I've been hibernating.' Prager sees your questioning look and informs you that your training session and outburst was the day before yesterday and that you slept for over twenty-four hours. In the meantime, Ja has taken care of all your injuries, both your bruised ankle, which was completely swollen and blue because you didn't treat it right away and put too much strain on it during your outburst, and all the wounds from broken glass. Apparently you sat with your thigh in a pile of glass, which is how you got a large wound on your leg.

Z-dog, Walker, Mansk, Fike and Lopez cleaned up your room as much as possible and they even had to scrub blood from the floor, walls and furniture. They threw away all the broken items and even replaced some broken items. On the small counter you see your favorite mug, the one that was the first thing you broke. Lopez says that he and Fike did their best to glue it together as best they could, but it's not how it once was.

Apparently Prager didn't help clean up and just sat by your bed. He only got up to make you a new cup of chamomile tea with honey every time the tea started to get lukewarm, so that when you woke up you could immediately drink the warm tea if you wanted. According to Walker, he made dozens of cups of tea.

There is an awkward silence. “We have something to tell you,” Prager begins. The others move closer until they sit in a semicircle around your bed. You look at them questioningly and suspiciously. “We knew your brother,” Fike mutters under his breath. Lopez jabs him hard in the side and tells him to shut up. You try to sit upright as much as possible. "What?" you rasp.

Walker reaches out to you, as if to reassure you, but her hand stops in mid-air. Finally, she places her hand next to you on the bed, palm up, as if offering for you to take her hand if you want, if you need it. "It's true, we knew him," she says softly, "we knew him one day..." she trails off a bit and looks at the others uncertainly. “We knew him on a very, very personal level,” Ja continued.

You look at everyone in confusion. The Recoms see your confused look, but don't know how to respond. "We loved him," Ja said uncertainly. Your eyes start to water again, but you wipe them away roughly, you've cried enough. “What do you mean, you guys loved him,” you demand. Yes sigh, "we met him when he arrived on Pandora, he joined our squad as an engineer and Marine." You feel a pressure in your chest and you realize that you have replaced your brother in the squad.

"It didn't take long for us all to fall in love with him," Prager explains further and the others nod in agreement, "Miles, Lyle and Brown too." "He chose to go with Jake Sully to warn the Na'vi." Your emotions rise higher and higher, not only yours, also those of the Recoms. "We didn't know he was in the helicopter with Trudy, we really didn't know, otherwise Miles would never have given the order to shoot down the helicopter." You risk a look at the blue aliens and see the grief and sadness in their eyes and realize that they really loved him.

"Can you please leave me alone for a moment?" you whisper softly. The Recoms look at each other uncertainly, but decide to leave you alone. Mansk and Walker will stand outside your door so that in case you have another emotional breakdown, they will hear and they can help you.

As soon as you are alone, you start to cry softly again. And instead of having an emotional breakdown, you curl up in a ball on the corner of your bed and cry quietly so no one can hear. You are still so exhausted by all the emotions that you soon fall asleep again.

When you wake up again, you see that it is now daytime again. You stand up, careful not to step on your bruised ankle, and you hop to the sink. In the mirror you see that your eyes are red and swollen from crying. You also have a large cut on from the bottom of your jaw to the side of your nose, right under your eye. You look like complete shit.

You struggle out of your clothes and stop when you see all the wounds on your naked body. You didn't realize it was that serious. You carefully put on clean clothes. As you carefully hop out the door, you see Mansk and Walker still standing outside the door. They ignore all the confused looks from those passing by and focus their attention on you. They look at you with concern and mild concern.

"The colonel asked if we would take you to the Recom quarters when you were awake," Mansk informs, his voice, as always, devoid of emotion. You nod doubtfully and expect him to tell you that he is sending you back to earth. Mansk and Walker walk quickly in front of you, not realizing that you can't keep up with their bruised ankle and their long legs. Walker quickly realizes that you are a long way behind them and lightly hits Mansk on the arm, signaling that you cannot walk fast. The female Recom walks back to you to offer her support if you need it, while Mansk waits patiently for you to catch up.

The two slowly guide you to their living quarters. When you finally stagger into their living room, you see the rest of the squad sitting tensely in various places around the room. Your gaze shifts to Brown, who is lying on the couch with his swollen nose in bandages. You immediately feel guilty, you shouldn't have taken out your anger and all your other pent-up emotions on him.

You hear someone clear their throat and look up at Quaritch, who is staring at you intensely. You had never been in such a tense situation in your human body around the Recoms before, they only make you feel smaller. Quaritch sighs tiredly and gestures for you to sit on the couch, after a struggle and help from Walker you finally sit on the couch.

Quaritch sits across from you, resting his elbows on his knees. "What they told you is true," he begins, "we really loved your brother and we miss him every day. If I…" he trails off. "If I had known he was in that helicopter, I would never have given the order," he looks genuinely remorseful. “Here,” Lyle says, holding out a piece of photo to you. The photo shows the Recoms, in their deceased human bodies, and in the center, with Lyle's lips on his left cheek, Brown's on his right, and Lopez with his hyena grin hanging over his head, is your brother. He has the widest and happiest smile you have ever seen on his face. You don't know why, but suddenly you're sure he loved them, you believe the Recoms. Your brother was always an excellent judge of character and if he loved them too, as you see in the photo, you believe he was happy with them.

You give the photo back to Lyle and he offers you another photo. Another photo of your brother, this time he is sitting in the pilot seat of a helicopter with a toothy, silly grin. You smile sadly at the photo and hand it back to Lyle. He shakes his head, "keep the photo, we have several copies."

“We should never have treated you this way,” Quaritch says firmly. "We didn't know Timmy was your brother and I know it's not an excuse, but I'm sure we would have been different if we had known." You laugh softly and see the confused, slightly offended look in their eyes. "I was a bitch to you and besides, I came here planning to kill you all as revenge for what you did to my brother." You take in the shocked looks, slightly enjoying it. "I don't think I'll do it again, Timmy wouldn't want to."

“You know,” Lyle begins, “Your brother told us all about you, he loved you so much and he was so proud of you.” You smile sadly. "I know." "He also said he always called you butterfly, why was that?" Walker asks. "Our parents always called me an ugly duckling, so my brother started calling me butterfly, because a caterpillar blossoms into a beautiful butterfly." It was always your most favorite nickname anyone had ever given you. “And as a kid I was always hyper and he said I was always fluttering around like a butterfly.”

You suddenly frown and turn your attention to Brown. "I'm sorry, I should never have lost my temper to the extent that I hurt you." Brown looks at you in surprise. "Seriously?" he asks angrily and you recoil. "We have tormented you for weeks, months and you apologize to me?!" he asks incredulously. "And besides, I deserved it, I think we all deserve a broken nose, probably worse."

"Absolutely not, I don't want to deal with nine broken noses plus my own, we will pay for our actions in another way." Protested Yes. Brown pouts, "but if my nose heals wrong, at least I'm not the only one with an ugly, crooked nose." You smile and feel yourself relax slightly.

The following hours and then even weeks consist of exchanging stories about Timmy. Sometimes you laugh, like your story about his baking attempt for your eighth birthday that resulted in a cake literally exploding. And sometimes you cry, like their story about how he curled up next to them at movie night, just like you always did with him.

In addition, every Recoms continues to apologize every day. Ja personally sees to it that you heal completely, while he also has to listen to Brown's whining about his nose.

You slowly warm up to the Recoms, seeing and appreciating their efforts to earn your forgiveness. But after a few weeks you also start to feel things that you don't know how to feel. Every time Ja gently holds your chin in his hand to tend to the cut on your face, you feel his touch long after he lets you go. Every time Walker deliberately walks next to you to offer you support when you need it, you can't stop blushing.

It feels wrong, falling for your dead brother's lovers. It feels wrong, but also so good. You have decided to ignore your feelings, you have convinced yourself that they will go away on their own. But you didn't know that the Recoms feel the same way. Not because you are part of your brother, but because you are simply a wonderful person.

About five months after your breakdown, you and the squad are on a mission in the Hallelujah Mountains when you are suddenly attacked by several Thanators. You scatter in different directions, hoping to get rid of the Thanators with minimal casualties. You run with Prager and Z-dog through the thick jungle, fleeing from the two Thanators who are chasing you. The three of you don't have much luck when you stumble upon atop a waterfall on the edge of a high cliff.

You look around in panic, looking for a way out as the Thanators get closer and closer. "We have to jump!" Z-dog shouts. "WHAT?!" you shout back. "JUMP!" she shouts again as she grabs your hand and pulls you off the cliff. You scream all the way down to the lake at the bottom of the waterfall. Fortunately, the Thanators do not follow.

When you finally manage to get to the beach at the edge of the lake, you see Prager lying on his back in the sand, chest heaving. “Prager, are you okay?” you ask worriedly, slipping into the role of medic. Prager gives a tired thumbs up, "Let's never do that again." You hear sputtering behind you and see Z-dog walking onto the beach, her mohawk hanging wet in her face with a pissed off expression.

The two of you plop down on the sand next to Prager and let your clothes dry in the sun. After a while you hear sounds in the jungle, sounds that are getting closer. Prager and Z-dog are immediately in a crouching position. Prager pushes you behind him as he and Z-dog point their guns in the direction the sounds are coming from. "You don't think the Thanators found us, do you?" you ask nervously.

Then the rest of the squad bursts onto the mini beach. Quaritch sighs in relief when he sees the three of you. “Thank god, I thought something had happened to you guys when you didn't come back,” he studies you carefully, “why are you guys so wet?” Z-dog explains what happened and the rest look at you in shock. Quaritch walks over to you and gently takes your chin in his hands. "Are you OK?" he asks worriedly. You nod reassuringly. Quaritch sighs in relief and rests his forehead against yours.

“Thank god, I was worried about you my love,” you look up abruptly when you hear the nickname. Quaritch himself seems shocked at what he called you. You see the rest of the Recoms with the same look, until Fike breaks the silence, "why are we surprised, we all already knew we fell for her?" Lopez sighs in annoyance, "Yes, but she didn't know that."

"You guys fell for me?" you ask in shock. Quaritch rubs his neck uncomfortably. “Yes, we know it's weird because of your brother, but we can't help it.” "And the biology of the Na'vi is different, we can't control ourselves if we find someone attractive." Ja explains.

The following hours and then even weeks consist of exchanging stories about Timmy. Sometimes you laugh, like your story about his baking attempt for your eighth birthday that resulted in a cake literally exploding. And sometimes you cry, like their story about how he curled up next to them at movie night, just like you always did with him.

In addition, every Recoms continues to apologize every day. Ja personally sees to it that you heal completely, while he also has to listen to Brown's whining about his nose.

You slowly warm up to the Recoms, seeing and appreciating their efforts to earn your forgiveness. But after a few weeks you also start to feel things that you don't know how to feel. Every time Ja gently holds your chin in his hand to tend to the cut on your face, you feel his touch long after he lets you go. Every time Walker deliberately walks next to you to offer you support when you need it, you can't stop blushing.

It feels wrong, falling for your dead brother's lovers. It feels wrong, but also so good. You have decided to ignore your feelings, you have convinced yourself that they will go away on their own. But you didn't know that the Recoms feel the same way. Not because you are part of your brother, but because you are simply a wonderful person.

About five months after your collapse, you and the squad are on a mission in the Hallelujah Mountains when you are suddenly attacked by several Thanators. You scatter in different directions, hoping to get rid of the Thanators with minimal casualties. You run with Prager and Z-dog through the thick jungle, fleeing from the two Thanators who are chasing you. The three of you don't have much luck when you stumble upon atop a waterfall on the edge of a high cliff.

You look around in panic, looking for a way out as the Thanators get closer and closer. "We have to jump!" Z-dog shouts. "WHAT?!" you shout back. "TO JUMP!" she shouts again as she grabs your hand and pulls you off the cliff. You scream all the way down to the lake at the bottom of the waterfall. Fortunately, the Thanators do not follow.

When you finally manage to get to the beach at the edge of the lake, you see Prager lying on his back in the sand, chest heaving. “Prager, are you okay?” you ask worriedly, slipping into the role of medic. Prager gives a thumbs up, "Let's never do that again." You hear sputtering behind you and see Z-dog walking onto the beach, her mohawk hanging wet in her face with a pissed off expression.

The two of you plop down on the sand next to Prager and let your clothes dry in the sun. After a while you hear sounds in the jungle, sounds that are getting closer. Prager and Z-dog are immediately in a crouching position. Prager pushes you behind him as he and Z-dog point their guns in the direction the sounds are coming from. "You don't think the Thanators found us, do you?" you ask nervously.

Then the rest of the squad bursts onto the mini beach. Quaritch sighs in relief when he sees the three of you. “Thank god, I thought something had happened to you guys when you didn't come back,” he studies you carefully, “why are you guys so wet?” Z-dog explains what happened and the rest look at you in shock. Quaritch walks over to you and gently takes your chin in his hands. "Are you OK?" he asks worriedly. You nod reassuringly. Quaritch sighs in relief and rests his forehead against yours.

“Thank god, I was worried about you my love,” you look up abruptly when you hear the nickname. Quaritch himself seems shocked at what he called you. You see the rest of the Recoms with the same look, until Fike breaks the silence, "why are we surprised, we all already knew we fell for her?" Lopez sighs in annoyance, "Yes, but she didn't know that."

"You guys fell for me?" you ask in shock. Quaritch rubs his neck uncomfortably. “Yes, we know it's weird because of your brother, but we can't help it.” "And the biology of the Na'vi is different, we can't control ourselves if we find someone attractive." Ja explains.

Their eyes slide over your body with interest as they see how your body reacts to their confession. And this time, when you feel yourself shivering, you also feel the heat pooling in your core.

[starryblueeyesandstarryblueskies]

You Don’t Go To Parties | R.C.

Read part 2 here

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x Reader

Summary: Rafe flashes back on moments in your relationship as he looks for you at his party, even though he knows that he won’t find you.

Based on the song:

A/N: This is the longest fic I’ve ever written and I think the one I’ve enjoyed the most. This definitely isn’t canon Rafe but it is the Rafe I dream of. Rafe and Sarah are actually close in this because they deserve that and Sarah and Topper aren’t dating cuz I just don’t like them together. Also it is very very very much not proofread like at all

As I am an adult, all characters I write for are written as adults. Any minor characters will be aged up to the general range of their actor’s age.

Warnings: drug and alcohol use, addiction, arguing, harassment, talk of ward being a shitty dad

Word Count: 6.5k

-

25 minutes. That’s how long the party had been going on at the Cameron house. 25 minutes. That was how long Rafe had been looking for you at said party.

He hadn’t even realized he was doing it. Scanning the party every few minutes, his conscious mind chalked it up to wanting to know who was at his house and he left it at that. He didn’t want to think about it any deeper.

Take a shot. Scan the kitchen.

Do a line. Scan the basement.

Play a round of beer pong. Scan the backyard.

“Right, bro? Rafe, have you even heard a word I said?” A shove from Topper brings Rafe back to reality.

“Huh, what? Is it my turn?” Rafe turns back to the card table covered with red solo cups.

“We lost like five minutes ago,” Topper deadpans, “which you would know if you had been paying attention.

Where is your head, bro? It’s like you’re not even here. This is your party.”

Rafe just shrugs in response, scanning the backyard again.

“Who are you looking for?”

Rafe turns back to his friend. “I’m not looking for anyone.”

“Yeah, sure,” Topper says skeptically, “You’re just searching the crowd every few minutes for no reason.” He claps him on the back. “Real convincing.”

Rafe starts to make a noise of indignation, but Topper is already walking away, leaving him to his thoughts.

As much as he doesn’t want to admit it to himself, Rafe knows exactly who he’s looking for, and he also knows he’ll never find you in the crowd. You don’t go to parties anymore, and he only has himself to blame.

-

(10 months earlier)

Growing up middle class in the Outer Banks was a weird experience. You weren’t a pogue and you weren’t a kook, and neither group made any attempt to claim you. You were just you.

You hadn’t wanted for much during your childhood, but you learned not to spend on needless expenses. Your parents taught you the necessity of hard work and they taught you how to budget. You didn’t go to lavish parties, but you weren’t going to bed hungry. As an adult, you worked two jobs, waitressing during the week and bartending on weekends, and your parents pitched in every once and a while to help you pay your rent. You weren’t rich by any means, but thanks to your work ethic and the kindness of your parents, you made it work.

Rafe Cameron grew up in a different world. He splurged endlessly, using up the massive allowance that his dad gave him. He didn’t care about price and he didn’t care about budgeting. Most of all, he had never worked hard a day in his life.

When he comes up to the bar one night while you’re pouring drinks, you don't spare him a second glance. He flashes you that crooked grin and calls you ‘darlin’’, but it doesn't matter. You know Rafe Cameron’s reputation and you don’t get tied up in the games of rich boys. You simply make him his drink and go on with your night.

Rafe on the other hand, is smitten from the moment he lays eyes on you. When the typical smile and sweet talk doesn’t have you falling at his feet like every other girl, he knows he’s a goner. He would make it his mission to catch your eye no matter what it took.

So he puts in the work, weekend after weekend he comes to the bar, day after day he comes to the restaurant. Each meeting is filled with flirty conversations and teasing looks, and despite your better judgment, you can feel him wearing you down.

-

(8 months earlier)

Two months after your first meeting, Rafe saunters into the bar, just like he did every Friday night, and heads straight for you.

“Y/N.” He greets you, the same crooked grin on his face.

“Rafe,” you reply, the same even tone you always use, “The usual?”

“You know it, darlin’.”

“You’re later than usual.” You note.

He smirks at that. “Worried I wasn’t coming?”

You give him a look. “Not a chance,” you retort, “just thought maybe I had finally scared you off.”

“Impossible.”

You can’t help the small smile that crosses your face at his reply, and you turn quickly so he doesn’t see, playing it off as helping another customer. When you refocus your attention back on him, you realize he hadn’t taken his eyes off you. He scans your face, the look on his face more serious than usual and one you can’t quite read.

He leans in, eyes locked on your face and murmurs under his breath, “Go on a date with me, please.”

Rafe has never blatantly asked you out before. You know that it’s been his intention all along, all his flirting building up to this moment, but you didn’t expect such sincerity behind his words. And you certainly didn’t expect him to say please.

You want to say no. You know better than to get involved with someone like him, but Rafe has a gravitational force that pulls you, and everyone around him, in. So when he gives you a small, hopeful smile, you can’t help that your body leans closer to him. And you can’t help but say yes.

-

He picks you up at 6:00 on the dot Monday night, looking about as handsome as you had ever seen him in dark jeans and a light blue pullover. He hadn’t told you much about what he had planned for the night, just to wear something comfortable and he would take care of everything else.

You aren’t quite sure what to expect from Rafe Cameron on a date, but as he opens the door of his truck for you, looking down at you with a smile and a soft look in his eyes, you realize you aren’t worried.

Rafe drives you to a small clearing that you had never seen. It’s a grassy spot that overlooks a quiet area of the beach, and is just secluded enough to give the two of you privacy. He pulls in carefully, angling the bed of the truck toward the beach.

Once he parks, you reach for the door handle, but Rafe puts up a hand to stop you.

“Wait right here for a second, okay?”

He grabs a bag from the backseat and hops out of the truck, setting up the truck bed to his liking. When he finishes, he jogs over to your side of the truck where he opens your door and helps you out.

You raise an eyebrow at the gesture, a small smile gracing your face. “Quite the gentleman, Rafe Cameron.”

“I was trained well,” he jokes back at you.

As you round the back of the truck, Rafe jumps up onto the tailgate, reaching down a hand to help you up the big step. You’re thankful for the help as you almost fall, not once, but twice in the process.

“Well, that was graceful,” you giggle and Rafe laughs along with you.

When he’s confident you're steady on your own two feet, Rafe takes a seat on one side of the truck bed, motioning you to do the same across from him. Between you, he’s set up a small picnic with a few of your favorite foods and a variety of drinks, alcoholic and non-alcoholic alike.

“I wasn’t sure which you would want,” Rafe offers at your questioning glance, “I wasn’t sure how much you drink.”

Your heart flutters a little with the thoughtfulness of his words. It’s not what you would’ve expected from Rafe. You’ve heard the stories, and know his reputation. Rafe drank a high volume and often. You’d expected him to want you to do the same. Then again, nothing about your experience with Rafe has been what you expected.

The night was everything you could’ve hoped for. You and Rafe spend hours talking and laughing while feasting on the picnic he had brought. The conversation never seemed to lull, and even the quiet moments between the two of you felt comfortable.

As the sun went down over the water, you let out a content sigh. “It really is beautiful.”

Rafe hums in agreement, leaning back against his hands as he looks between you and the sunset. He can’t believe how lucky he is to be here with you. How he convinced you to go out with him is beyond his comprehension, but he’s going to enjoy it while it lasts.

A light breeze blows across the clearing, and you can’t help but shiver slightly. It was usually pretty warm in the Outer Banks, but considering it was nearing November, sometimes the nights get a bit chilly.

Noticing your discomfort, Rafe reaches through the open truck window and pulls out a jacket. He drapes it over your shoulders gently, and you feel yourself leaning into his touch. You look up at him, the ‘thank you’ getting caught into your throat when you realize just how close he is.

You can feel his warm breath fan across your face, his eyes flickering to your eyes and your lips, gaze intense. He’s waiting for your permission to make a move, so you tilt your head up ever so slightly. Moving so your lips are almost brushing against his.

He takes this as his cue, pressing his lips against yours. The kiss is strong, but gentle, Rafe’s mouth moving in time with yours as if you were made for each other. You feel like you’re floating, and you don’t ever want to come down.

-

(7 months earlier)

A month into your relationship, Rafe takes you to a party at his buddy Dylan’s house. It’s your first real kook party. Sure, you’ve been to your fair share of parties while living on the island, but none of them have been in mansions owned by rich parents who just let their kids have free reign.

You can tell Rafe feels comfortable like this, surrounded by rich kids in a big house with loud music and expensive booze. You know he’s been to plenty of parties just like this one, but you can’t help but feel out of place, even by the kook king’s side.

Luckily for you, Rafe steers you towards the kitchen pretty quickly, not wanting to share you with everyone the whole night.

“Wow, this is quite the party,” you state, gesturing around the room.

Rafe pours you a cup of beer and then grabs one for himself, tucking an arm around your waist to pull you into his body.

“What do you mean? You’ve been to lots of parties,” he comments.

“Not in houses like this, Rafe,” you laugh, “they have two ovens, and a fridge that looks like a cabinet.”

Rafe chuckles at that. “Fair enough.”

“Yo, Rafe!” A loud, frat boy looking blond enters the kitchen.

Rafe gives him a quick bro hug before leaning back into your side. “Hey man, what’s up?”

“Where you been lately, dude? I haven’t seen you at a party in forever!” He gestures toward you. “I take it this is the girl who’s been taking you all your time?”

Rafe smiles warmly down at you. “This is Y/N. Y/N, Trey.” He gestures back to the blond.

“Nice to meet you,” you offer.

“Yeah, you too.” Trey throws out the quick reply, clearly thinking of you as nothing beyond a fling. He turns back toward Rafe. “Look you didn’t hear this from me, but there’s some of the good stuff downstairs. You know what I mean.” He taps the side of his nose.

Rafe feels you stiffen against his side at the comment. “I’m good, man. Appreciate the heads up.”

Trey shakes his head, giving him an incredulous look. “More for me then.”

He walks away not long after, but you still feel on edge. Sensing your continuing discomfort, Rafe leads you away from the commotion and out onto an empty balcony.

“Are you okay?” He doesn’t crowd you which you appreciate, leaving a few feet of space between you. “I can tell that conversation made you uncomfortable.” For having known you only a few months, he seems to be able to read you pretty well.

You nod. “It’s just not really something we’ve talked about you know? The drug use.”

Rafe nods.

“Look, I don’t want to tell you what to do. And I don’t want to issue ultimatums. But I feel like we need to have a conversation about it before our relationship progresses any further.”

Rafe’s eyes never leave yours as he nods again, encouraging you to continue.

“I know it’s a big thing on the island, coke especially. I mean I don’t live under a rock. But I’m not comfortable around it, and I’m not comfortable surrounding myself with people who do it.” You pause for a moment, preparing yourself for what you have to say next. “Addiction is pretty prevalent in my family, and a lot of people have struggled with drug abuse. It’s a big deal to me and I don’t think I can be with you if that’s something you’re taking part in.” You hold your breath, knowing this could be the end of your budding relationship with Rafe.

He steps closer to you, reaching out to intertwine your fingers. “I understand,” he says with sincerity in his words, “I know I have a reputation Y/N, and I know you’ve looked past a lot of it to give me a chance.”

You look away, finding it hard to meet the intensity of his gaze, afraid of what might come next.

“I want you to feel comfortable around me, no matter what. Would it make you feel better if I told you I’ve been clean since we met?”

Your eyes snap to his at the question. “Really?” Rafe nods in reply. “Why?”

“I knew I wanted to be with you from the day I met you, and I knew in order for that to happen I had to be the best version of myself that I could.” He shrugs. “You’re worth more than the high.”

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely.”

-

(5 months earlier)

“I just don’t understand what you’re getting so upset about?”

“Rafe, I’m upset because we’ve had this dinner date planned for weeks and you suddenly canceled on me twenty minutes before you were supposed to pick me up.”

You’re standing on one side of your living room as Rafe paces across from you. Last night, the two of you were supposed to go to dinner at a nice restaurant. A date that had been planned two weeks ago when Rafe had first surprised you with the reservation. You had spent over an hour getting ready when he canceled on you with a text. No explanation as to why and a half assed apology. You don’t think he even realized you were upset about it until he showed up at your door this morning and saw the piercing glare you gave him.

“Look, there was nothing I could do about it, okay?” Rafe runs his hands through his hair. “Something just came up last minute.”

“And you won’t even tell me what it was.” His non-explanation does nothing to curb your anger. “How do you expect me to feel, Rafe?”

He softens when he sees the look in your eyes, realizing you're not so much mad as you are hurt. Hurt that he canceled, hurt that he won’t tell you why, hurt that he doesn’t seem to care.

“It was Sarah, and my dad,” Rafe offers in explanation, “I don’t know exactly what happened, but they got in this huge fight and I just needed to be there for her.” He moves closer to you. “I’m sorry, baby.”

All your anger fades away at his words. “Is she okay?” You and Sarah have gotten close since you started dating Rafe. You know all the Cameron kids have a strained relationship with their father, Rafe most of all. He’s never told you the full extent of his issues with his dad, but you know he’s very protective of his sisters when it comes to Ward.

Rafe nods. “She’ll be fine.” He wants to pull you into his arms, but he hesitates, knowing this conversation isn’t quite over.

You look at him with hurt eyes. “You could’ve told me you know. I would’ve understood.” You love how much he cares for his sisters. You never would’ve stood in the way of him being there for Sarah.

“I know. I’m sorry,” he repeats again, “I wasn’t thinking.” This time you move a little closer, opening yourself up to him. When he reaches out, you allow him to pull you into his body. “It won’t happen again. I promise.”

You nod into his chest. Rafe pulls you back slowly to look into your eyes. “I love you.”

It’s the first time he’s said it, but it’s how he’s felt since day one. When you smile up at him, eyes full of adoration, he feels like his heart could burst.

“I love you too, Rafe.”

-

The Cameron house is full of music, beer, and kooks. At this point in your relationship you’ve been to a fair amount of kook parties with Rafe and while it’s still not necessarily your scene, you’ve come to feel a lot more comfortable in the chaotic atmosphere by Rafe’s side. You understand the appeal more now, even if it’s not entirely your thing.

Since Rafe is hosting this party, you spend a lot of the night with Sarah, allowing him to mingle with his friends, pour drinks, and the like. The two of you are confident in your relationship and don’t feel like you need to spend every minute together. You don’t mind him doing his hosting thing as long as he checks in on you from time to time, as you’re having fun dancing the night away with Sarah.

“Hey darlin’,” Rafe pulls you into him from behind, sliding his arm around your waist while you sway to the music, “Not having too much fun without me are you?”

You turn to wrap your arms around his neck. “Oh absolutely. You know your sister might be more fun than you are. I might just have to reconsider which Cameron I’m dating,” you tease.

Rafe feigns shock with a hand to his heart, looking between you and Sarah. “I can’t believe what I’m hearing!”

“Oh believe it, big brother!” Sarah chimes in, “She’s my girlfriend now.”

He pouts at that, turning to you with over exaggerated sad eyes. You laugh at his expression, but can’t help kissing the pout off his lips.

“Don’t worry, baby. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

Sarah fakes a gag behind you as the two of you look lovingly into each other’s eyes. “Okay, you guys are gross. Rafe, leave us alone so we can dance!”

“What, now I can’t even spend time with my own girlfr–” A crash sounds from behind him. “Oh fuck. What the hell was that?”

He gives you an apologetic look but you wave him off. “It’s okay, go deal with the chaos.” You smile and he gives you one last peck on the lips before running off in the direction of the crash.

Sarah takes her place at your side again as you both watch his retreating figure. “I may give him a lot of shit, but I gotta admit, you two are really good together.” She loops her arm through yours. “Plus I got a new best friend out of the deal.”

The two of you laugh and turn back to the dance floor when you feel a hand close around your wrist. You turn with a smile, assuming Rafe has returned after dealing with the mess, but instead you come face to face with a guy you’ve never met.

“Um, hi,” you say to him, a little confused.

The guy flashes an over confident smirk at you. “Hey, babe. Wanna dance?”

“Oh, I’m actually dancing with my friend right now, but thanks.”

You try to pull your arm from his grip, but instead of talking your gentle brush off he just grips you tighter. Sarah turns back looking for you just as he pulls you hard, causing you to stumble closer to him. She gives you a worried look, but you shake your head at her. You’ve dealt with your fair share of pushy men at the bar, so you're pretty sure you can handle this yourself.

“Oh come on.” He speaks uncomfortably close to your face. So much so that you can smell the alcohol coming off his breath in waves. “It’s just a dance.”

“I said no.” You yank your arm stiffly from his grip. “Find someone else.”

Your defiance does little more than anger him as he lunges for you again, this time gripping both arms so tightly you’re sure he’ll leave a bruise.

“Hey!” Sarah jumps in now as this situation escalates. “She said no. Back off!”

In the kitchen, Rafe is finishing up dealing with the most recent crisis when he hears voices raising in the living room. Oh god, what now?

“Yo Rafe!” Topper rushes into the kitchen. “You better get out here man. Some guy is harassing Y/N.”

Rafe charges into the living room after his best friend, freezing when he sees you. Some guy has got ahold of both of your arms while you try to pull away, Sarah trying in vain to get in between the two of you, and the rest of the crowd looking around nervously, clearly waiting for the moment when Rafe finds out what is happening.

Sarah is all up in the guy’s face, practically biting his head off, but you can’t really hear what is being said at this point. You’re finding it a little hard to breathe at the moment, unable to concentrate on anything except how trapped you feel as you continue to pull against his strong grip.

You can feel your eyes welling up as your breathing shallows, but right before the tears can fall the guy is ripped away from you. You stumble back into Sarah’s arms as a tall body plants themselves protectively in front of you.

“Stay the hell away from her,” Rafe practically growls out.

“Hey, I didn’t do anything wrong! She was all over me, man.”

Rafe is physically holding himself back at that, hands trembling with the effort. “I can guarantee you, she was not.” He wants to cave the guy’s face in, but he knows that would just upset you more and he doesn’t want to do anything to add to your anxiety.

The guy stalks forward again, angry at being embarrassed in front of all these people, and gets in Rafe’s face. “You need to back the fuck up,” Rafe barks out.

“Who the hell do you think you are?”

“First of all, I’m her boyfriend.” The guy goes to make an angry retort, probably about you wanting him, but Rafe cuts him off. “And second of all, I’m the one throwing this damn party.”

The guy pales in realization, he may not have known what Rafe Cameron looks like, but he clearly knows this is his party, and he just pissed off the kook king big time.

“Now get the fuck out of my house.” Rafe looks over at Topper who nods and grabs the guy by the back of his shirt, marching him straight out the front door.

Rafe turns toward you, still shaking in Sarah’s embrace. He opens his arms and you bury yourself in his chest as he leads you away from the crowd up to his bedroom. As you walk you can hear Sarah yell behind you, “Alright everyone, party’s over! Go home.”

As he shuts the door to his bedroom, Rafe speaks softly in your ear, “I’m so sorry, baby. I should’ve been there.”

You shake your head. “I’m okay. It’s not your fault.”

“Doesn’t matter. I’m not leaving your side at a party ever again. I promise.” He crawls on the bed pulling you so you're laying fully on top of him. “I won’t let anyone lay their hands on you again.”

You just nod, nustling deeper in his embrace, finally feeling the trembling dissipate as you begin to feel safe again in his arms.

-

(3 months earlier)

You sat around the fire listening as one of your friends told a story about a terrible first date she went on last week. You plant your face in your hands and groan as she tells you the cheesy pickup line he used at the end of the night, Sarah falling into fits of laughter beside you.

“I honestly can’t believe you didn’t just walk out at this point,” she gets out between giggles.

You nod your head enthusiastically. “Girl, you have gotta start finding better people to date.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she says in a teasing voice, “Not all of us can be in the perfect relationship, okay?”

You put your hands up in mock surrender, letting her continue on her rant of first dates being the worst. Your relationship with Rafe isn’t perfect, but you won’t deny that it's pretty damn close.

You and your friends put this bonfire together at the beach as a chance to just relax and catch up. Sarah, Topper, and a few others sit with you on the sand. Rafe coming a little later in the night because he has to run a few quick errands for his dad, but you don’t mind. This is the first time you’ve really had a solid group of friends since you were a kid, and it’s nice to feel relaxed and happy even without your boyfriend there.

A few minutes later, you hear a truck pull up and a car door shut. You turn with a bright smile on your face, excited to see your boyfriend after a long day without him, but your excitement turns to worry when you see the look on his face. He plasters on a smile as he makes it to the group, but you know him well enough to see right through it. You turn to Sarah and the look she gives you confirms that something is definitely wrong with Rafe.

“Hey, let’s go on a little walk, okay?” You give him a small smile. “We’ll be back in a few, guys.”

Your friends respond with a chorus of okay’s and see ya’s and Sarah gives you an encouraging nod.

Trekking along the water line, you take Rafe’s hand in yours. “What’s going on, baby? You seem upset.”

“Just a long day. My dad was a lot.”

You nod. “Do you wanna tell me about it?”

“Maybe in a little while. Can we just walk for a bit?”

“Of course.”

He tucks you into his side, enjoying the way your presence grounds him after the day he’s had. You wait patiently until he’s ready to start speaking. Rafe doesn’t talk about his dad too often around you. He’s told you the basics of how they don’t really get along and that he can be pressuring and overbearing, but that’s the extent of it.

While he knows that you would be supportive and that it’s good to get it out, he doesn’t like recounting their fights. It usually just makes him feel trapped back in that moment. This, however, is the worst fight they’ve had in a while and he just can’t deal with it himself this time.

“He told me I’m a failure and that I can’t be trusted to do anything right.” Rafe rushes out the sentence in one breath.

You stop abruptly, turning to face him. “He said what?”

“He said that I’m never going to be a successful adult, because I can’t even do the simple tasks he asks of me. And that I’m distracted all the time and never spend enough time at home or doing the work he needs me to do.”

“Rafe,” you say softly, but he’s not finished.

“He wants me to break up with you because he thinks you take up too much of my time and don’t respect him or the way he runs our family.”

You can’t help the look of disbelief that crosses your face. “Oh my god.”

“I know.” Then he rushes to add, “I told him no obviously. I’m not breaking up with you because he told me too. I’d never do that.”

“No, baby, I know.” You reach a hand up to his cheek, rubbing your thumb back and forth to calm him down. “That’s not what I’m worried about. But that was a lot for you to hear, Rafe.”

He nods slightly, trying and failing to hide the tears welling up in his eyes.

“You’re not a failure, baby.” You turn his head toward you gently. “If he can’t see the amazing man you’ve become, the capable, confident, happy man that you are, then that’s his deficiency not yours.”

Rafe looks back at the ground, whispering in agreement, but it’s clear he doesn’t mean it.

“Rafe Cameron, you are an incredible man. I wouldn’t be here otherwise. And I will remind you of that everyday until you believe it.” You duck down under his lowered gaze until your eyes meet. “Screw your dad.” You add sternly.

That earns you a little smile and a squeeze of your hand. “Thank you,” Rafe murmurs.

You pull him to sit next to you on the sand. “Why don’t we just stay here for a little while? We don’t have to go back to the bonfire quite yet.”

And there you sit, for the rest of the night, your back pressed to Rafe’s front, his arms around your waist while you rub soothing circles into his arms. Enjoying the breeze, the sound of the waves, and most of all, each other's company, because as long as you have each other it doesn’t matter what else goes wrong in the world.

-

(2 months earlier)

“Come on, Y/N!”

“Rafe, I’ve told you a hundred times, I can’t go to Jason’s party with you tonight. I have to work. You’ll just have to go with Top.”

You’re standing behind the bar arguing with Rafe, who apparently drove all the way all the way to your place of employment to beg you to go to this party with him, even though he knows damn well that you have a shift tonight.

“Can’t you blow off work just this once?” Rafe tries again.

“No, Rafe, I can’t.” You pace back and forth in front of him, getting dangerously close to being late for work. “If I don’t work this shift, I won’t be able to make rent this month, not to mention the fact that they’d probably fire me for bailing this late.”

“It’s like you don’t even want to spend time with me?”

“Because I won’t blow off work for you? Rafe, I need this money. You know what, I’m done with this conversation. I’m going to be late. We’ll talk about this later.” With that final statement, you stalk inside, not even pausing to glance back at your boyfriend.

You can’t stop thinking about your fight while you work, turning the words over and over in your head throughout your shift. You know Rafe has never had to worry about money or even really about having a job, but usually he was pretty understanding of your life and finances. He knew you needed this job to survive and as much as you wish it could be different, at this point in your life, work had to take precedence over hanging out with friends. You couldn’t afford for it not to.

By the end of your shift, you decide that you and Rafe should wait until morning to talk. You still feel pretty hot about the whole situation, and nothing good would come from the two of you arguing all night. In the morning, you could stop by his place and have a discussion when both of you had clear heads.

You pack up your stuff, saying goodbye to your coworkers and heading to your car when you notice two new voicemails from Rafe. You play the first.

“Hey darlin’, it's me. I was an asshole earlier and you have every right to be mad at me. I shouldn’t have asked you to skip out on work and I definitely shouldn’t have made it all about me. I know how important this job is for you. Just call me back please. I hate it when we fight. I love you, baby.”

You let out a deep sigh, your heart clenching. You hated fighting with him too, but you still think the night would do you both some good. You play the second voicemail while you start driving.

“Y/N,” Rafe’s voice breaks on your name, “I know you’re still mad at me, but I need you.”

You stiffen at the pain in his voice, feeling a little panicked.

“Dad and I got in this huge fight and– It was really bad,” He whispers the last part, “Call me back please. I need you.”

You pull over quickly, clicking on his contact in your phone. Your fingers drum anxiously on the wheel with every ring, but there’s no answer. You try again to no avail. As a last resort, you try calling Topper. He picks up on the second ring.

“Y/N! Where you at?” You can hear the noise of the party in the background.

“Top, is Rafe with you?”

“Yeah, he’s around here somewhere! I saw him just a few minutes ago.”

“Great, I’m on my way.” You hang up before he even has a chance to say goodbye, turning around in the middle of the road to make your way to Jason’s house.

For once, you’re glad you live on such a small island, because it only takes you a few minutes to get to the party. You park quickly and head inside, looking for your boyfriend all the while. It only takes you a few seconds to spot Topper and Sarah in the living room.

“Hey girl!” Sarah gives you a big hug.

“Hey, have you seen your brother?”

She shakes her head. “Last I saw he was in the backyard.”

“No, no,” Topper chimes in, “We saw him a few minutes ago. I think he was heading to the back room.”

“Oh yeah!” Sarah nods along.

“Thanks guys.” You head in the direction they pointed, ignoring their calls to take a shot with them. The only thought in your head after hearing that message is finding your boyfriend and making sure he’s okay.

Pushing through the crowds, you finally make your way into the back room, letting out a sign of relief when you see your boyfriend sprawled out on the couch. He turns your way, catching your eye with a deer in the headlights expression on his face. The relief you felt disappearing as fast as it arrived when you see the white power under his nose.

Before Rafe can say a word, you spin on your heel, heading back the way you came.

“Y/N! Y/N, wait!” He calls after you, but you don’t stop.

It isn’t until you push past your friends and out the front door until he finally catches up to you. Rafe grabs your arm, spinning you to face him. Behind him you can see Sarah and Topper have followed the two of you into the front yard with confused and concerned looks on their faces.

“Y/N, baby, would you stop? Where are you going?”

“Where am I going? Rafe, are you kidding me?” You shove his hand off your arm. “I’m going home.”

“Why?”

“Because you are high out of your mind!” He has the decency to look ashamed at that. “You told me you were done with this, Rafe. You knew how uncomfortable you using drugs made me and you told me you were done, that I was worth more than the high. Clearly that wasn’t true.” You turn back toward your car.

“What the hell was I supposed to do, Y/N? I needed you and you weren’t there! You didn’t even answer the phone when I called.”

You whirl around. “I was at work! I didn’t even have my phone on me, Rafe. I had no idea that you called.” Rafe opens his mouth to argue, but you cut him off. “No. You don’t get to blame this on me. I rushed over here after a long, miserable shift of replaying our fight over and over in our mind, just to make sure you were okay. You made this choice. You chose to throw away everything we had. Six months down the drain for a meaningless high.”

“Baby, please.” The tears in his eyes and pain on his face threaten to crack you in half, but you’ve made up your mind. This is one thing you can’t forgive.

You can barely get the words out, your voice nothing more than a broken whisper. “I’m done.”

You rush to your car, leaving Rafe standing there in shock. Before you can shut your door, Sarah is there pulling you into a hug. “Let me come with you, you shouldn’t be alone right now.”

You shake your head. “No, stay with Rafe. He's your brother. He needs you more right now. He just gave up eight months clean and sober, that’s going to be hell to come back from.”

She just gives you an uncertain look. “What about you?”

“I’ll be fine. I promise.”

You try to hold it together as you drive home, but you don’t make it more than a few miles before you have to pull over, crying too hard to continue. By the time you make it home, it’s been over an hour since the party. You crawl in bed straight away, crying until there’s no tears left and you fall into an uneasy sleep.

-

(Back to present)

Rafe stumbles back into the living room, looking for anything and everything that will distract him from thoughts of you. He makes it to the kitchen, quickly downing a shot before pouring himself another when he hears a noise. He freezes for a moment, thinking the universe is taunting him, then turns slowly.

There you are talking to Sarah, beautiful as ever, with your head thrown back in a laugh, and another man’s arm around your waist.

-

Writing masterlist

[pretendfan]

~Nice guys finish last~

~PART ONE~

Lost in the suburbs after a bad date Imogen stumbles upon three idiots on a roof, will they help her out, or will she just end up as a victim of the latest true crime story…

TUNE IN TO FIND OUT!!!

(this story is season 7 vibes)

Blake Henderson x OFC Imogen Harper

(6.5k words)

WARNINGS: 18 plus, lots of swearing, mentions of alcohol and smoking weed, Adam throws up, oral sex, hand stuff, awkwardness personified, Blake is a quick learner, stoner bro humour, like an episode of the show it’s satire, very much on point with the show, these guys are idiots/ adjacent toxic bros, Blake is a babe here, Anders and Adam are basically themselves…its fun!!!

Clearly watching all of those damn horror films from a young age, did absolutely nothing to prepare Imogen Parker because she was surely about to die, lost in the suburbs without a working cell phone or drive by cab nearby.

This right here was such a prime set up because little did Imogen know, she could literally have a masked killer stalking her, or an emotionally stunted ex who couldn’t take the hint neither examples were something that she wanted to see right this second.

Unsure which one was a worse case scenario at this point Imogen stops in her tracks, because the streets all looked the same both dark and creepy, causing her to instantly think of the worst which was a regular occurrence.

That turn Imogen had taken a street back earlier was obviously wrong, it was getting quite late and she was all alone a picture perfect ending to a shitty evening, courtesy of a bad date at some random party which she had quickly left without a backward glance.

Despite the fact that Imogen’s cell had died earlier leaving her high and dry, she was probably mere moments away from getting murdered, which was all her fault for attending the stupid party to begin with.

When instead she could’ve easily hung out at home with her roommate Ellie, the best friend who had set her up on this date in the first place, so if Imogen ever did get out of this alive she would surely need to move as soon as possible.

But first Imogen needed some sign of life because she hadn’t seen a single person, sure houses were still lit up with people inside, but the atmosphere out here was messing with her wildly imaginative mind and it was no good.

Where was her knight in shining armour because this could be her love story right here?

Imogen smirks to herself because her life was pure garbage, and guys were definitely of no use to her right now so she would have to walk back into the city, whilst wearing heels which surely counted as cardio right?

Having only lived in LA for a few months now Imogen still didn’t know her way around, which was oh so apparent right now but she liked to live dangerously, maybe she would finally get her name on the local news posthumously of course.

…fuck Imogen sure hoped that she had deleted all the search history, from her laptop before she left the apartment.

What with Imogen’s date being a total dud in the guest bathroom, where she had given him oral only to be rewarded with a quick pat on the head afterwards, and sore knees to match her pretty sore mood.

It had also been a very bad idea getting out of that cab with the creepy driver, because be it back there with the sketchy guy or right here on someone’s doorstep, Imogen was lost and surely soon was gonna become yet another statistic.

What was wrong with guys these days? Because all Imogen had wanted to do was get back to her apartment, but the driver had been saying about popping to his crib real quick, so she screamed until he stopped the car and got out of his ride real quick.

So now she was here completely in the wrong direction to the city, which was back there behind her Imogen was sure of it, so all she needed in reality was someone to help her out of the burbs.

…absolutely anyone would do at this point.

Tonight had been yet another waste of time hosting a sausage fest of a party, the usual suspects turning up which was cool but Blake Henderson, he desperately wanted to meet a chick and not just troll or scroll through the internet to get his fixes.

Had there been any point actually changing out of his work clothes, because none of the dudes even cared what he wore, they were way more invested in the beer pong games and if the alcohol was still flowing.

Which was why Blake was now stood on the roof of their house, the one which he shared with his two best friends mindlessly overthinking everything, whilst the air felt supercharged around him but surely that was just his imagination getting the better of him.

“I’m the king of the world!” Shouts Adam DeMamp whilst simultaneously, taking yet another leak off the roof that he was currently stood on.

“Dude, I’m not doing that Titanic shit again-“

“But I like to be held bro.” Adam cries cutting off his roommate Blake, who was nodding back slowly with an annoyed look on his face.

“Sure, we would all like to be held by someone.” Begins Blake waving this hands in front of him to empathise his point as he adds “But in this case I would prefer a hot chick and not you sorry dude.”

“I’m not hot?” Adam questions with a quiet outrage which was ever present on his face.

“That’s not what I mean and you know it, I’m currently revisiting Katy Perry at the moment.” Blake admits with a loud burp, that was swiftly followed by a sexy wiggle of his eyebrows.

“I kissed a girl and I liked it!” Adam sing songs with a wiggle of his hips as he asks “Imagine kicking it with two chicks!”

“I’d be happy with just one-“

“Blake that is the most pathetic thing I’ve ever heard bro.” Adam interjects with a shake of his head.

“I just like to keep shit in perspective dude, but it’s not like any chicks came out to our hang sesh yet again.” Blake reminds Adam with a groan, hesitantly glancing over at their roommate, the sloppy Anders Holmvik who was currently passed out.

“They probably heard your bitching and whining so ran off, you need to get your head in the game man.” Adam states flippantly pointing a finger directly into his friend’s face.

“Well you just lost the game then bro!” Blake counters with a defiant look as he bats Adam hand away.

“Oh no you didn’t!” Retorts Adam with a shocked look on his face, and a quick snap of his fingers on his right hand.

“Game over, man!” Snaps Blake loudly.

“Get away from me, you bitch!” Adam yells pushing Blake in the chest, and he almost falls over Anders in the process.

“Okay, I see what you did there but you can’t just rework quotes to suit-“

“I can do whatever I want bitch, because I’m about to go loco I’m full of the juice!” Adam cuts off Blake with a roar causing his roommate to glare back.

“So you actually wanna go all the way loco then bro?” Blake questions placing his hands up to his face in fake shock announcing “ Let’s go then because I will make you spill your guts!”

“Shouldn’t we be worried though first that Anders could possibly be dead?” Adam questions completely ignoring Blake’s rant, kicking his dude husband’s foot but there is no response.

“Great, Anders is dead so now I’m definitely gonna have to kick your ass!” Blake states whilst fist punching the air, in preparation for the impending beat down.

“Do we really have to get rid of his body-

“Or better yet let’s just give him a good send off, like those dudes do for that weekend at Bernie’s guy!” Blake cuts off Adam excitedly with a wide grin framing his face.

“I’m not dead you morons.” Anders groans sounding a lot like he was moments away taking his last breath.

“You sure sound like-“

Blake chooses this moment to make his first move, sick of hearing Adam talking he punches him directly in the stomach, which sends the guy reeling back as he loses his footing on the roof.

“What the fuck?!” Adam wheezes as he collapses onto his back, knocking empty bottles and cans of alcohol around, sending them off in various directions.

“I just almost knocked you out!” Blake declares triumphantly with a fist pump aimed at the sky but then he quickly adds as an afterthought “ Er, you’re ok though dude right?”

“Such a pussy!” Adam sputters with a shake of his head.

“Why am I being a pussy now?” Blake snaps back briefly wishing that he had hit Adam a little harder.

“You apologise too much for starters.” Adam groans as he gets up onto his knees and states “ No chick is going to dig your constant questions and apologies.”

“Ok, I’m sorry-“

“Can I just put you out of your misery?” Adam questions with a hollow laugh, heartily aimed at Blake who was still staring up at the dark night sky.

Before Blake could answer Adam goes to grab his bro, maybe knock some sense into him as he kicks his feet out, whilst administering a swift albeit messy upper cut to his chin in retaliation to being punched in the goddamn stomach.

“Fuck, dude!” Blake sobs as he tries to sit up on his knees, thankfully not tasting blood because he had managed to bite his tongue when he had been hit in the mouth.

“Nothing but net-“

“You punched me in the mouth!?” Blake snaps with a sudden faint lisp, at the same time that he tastes iron on his tongue, which instantly makes him start to pout.

“Well it finally shut you up!” Adam retorts happily as he bounces on his feet, the alcohol was making him feel invincible right now.

“Fuck you, man!” Snaps Blake with a cough as he goes to reach for a beer, but it looks like they were all out seeing that the red cooler box was practically hanging off the roof.

“Stop being a crybaby Blake and fight me back!” Adam yells ignoring Anders who is telling him to shut the fuck up, but he was too busy flexing his arms to care right now.

“Dude just stop I’m done-“

“When the hell did you actually become such a pussy Blake?” Adam questions with a loud snort aimed at his friend who wasn’t meeting his eye.

“Why do you even care so much?” Blake retorts in frustration, whilst running his long fingers angrily through his hair.

“I need my dudes to be firing on all cylinders but Anders is dead, and Blake you need-“

“Will both of you shut the fuck up!?” Snaps Anders who was clearly still alive, flipping off his dudes from the comfort of the roof which wasn’t very comfortable at all.

Hearing male voices makes Imogen quickly stop again trying to pin point their direction, whoever it was they were making quite the noise so it’s only a minute or so later, that she has found the source and also perhaps her saviours.

Looking right Imogen notices three figures on the roof of what she presumed was their house, one of them lying down whilst the other two were arguing, with sounds of broken glass and some pretty colourful language being exchanged despite the hour.

What the hell?

Imogen pauses from rocking up the driveway to think about this, because all of her quick thinking ideas had lead her to this point, fucking lost and possibly about to be kidnapped or worse.

But with a shake of her head Imogen brushes some hair behind her left ear, deciding that after all this was done she would watch less true crime documentaries, and in the future not take Ellie’s advice to get back out there again.

Seeing that said advice had resulted in Imogen leaving the party with a bad taste in her mouth, not due to her dates negligence in eating pineapples, but instead with a sense that this bullshit had happened all before leaving her feeling particularly salty.

Yet another guy who was treating her like a toy of the moment, until the next biggest thing came along and Imogen would undoubtedly get ditched yet again, toxic dudes were her thing it appeared but something had to fucking give right now.

Additionally the pepper spray which was currently sat on the desk in her room, could’ve come in use right now so Imogen only had her dead cell phone as a weapon, or failing that one of her heels which made more sense if truth be told.

Stepping onto the driveway of the house which looked like it should really be demolished, what with all the junk on the lawn and a large blanket fort that looked like it had been made by children, Imogen smirks despite herself because this was clearly where she was going to die.

Adam squints is brown eyes when he notices someone on their property, unsure if it was a trick of the light but the person looked female shaped, a shape that he definitely appreciated right now looking back at Blake who was slumped down in one of the old lawn chairs.

“What’s wrong-“ Begins Blake but his eyes catch the moving figure, who was quickly approaching the front of the house, with a distinct click of heels against the pavement that makes him sit up straighter in his seat.

Adam widens his eyes as he grins happily at Blake who smirks back cheekily, were they surely hallucinating or had one of them hit their head too hard again, because this was too good to be true he had to be passed the fuck out dreaming of this very moment.

“So you can see the chick as well?” Adam asks Blake who silently nods back, and that pretty much confirms both of their suspicions.

“Yeah, I’m really here but what are you guys doing up there?” Imogen questions looking up to see both dudes staring at her with open mouths, great her first sign of life in ages were two idiots on a roof…plus another one passed out.

“Just working out on the roof no biggie!” Adam answers with a wink, once again flexing his muscles, as he wishes that he had taken off his tee shirt beforehand.

“Come on dude.” Blake scoffs at him causing Adam to look back, mid pose and glare darkly at his bro.

“What, you jealous?” Laughs Adam which quickly stops when he feels a lurch in his stomach, probably because he hadn’t stretched out first.

“Off you? Hardly.” Blake scoffs in a voice that he almost believes himself for once.

“Check this out!” Adam shouts loudly as he moves his arms upwards, but then tries to fight with the tee sleeves so he could show off his guns.

“Dude, stop.” Blake groans but he is very surprised, when his friend actually listens to him, dropping his arms back down to his sides pretty quickly.

“I’m gonna be sick-“ Adam shouts loudly as he turns his back on the chick, and proceeds to projectile straight onto a drowsy Anders who wakes up again as a result of course.

“What the-“

“Oops, my bad!” Adam gargles as he then continues to throw up, making Blake step back as Anders tries to roll away quickly.

“Are you ok?” Imogen questions dubiously noticing the dude being sick whilst waving his hand, spotting another figure sitting up as he proceeds to point at her, complete with a very confused look on his face.

“Yes, I’m here on your front yard-“

“Why did you puke on me Adam?!” Shouts Anders cutting off the hot brunette in front of him, the men were talking right now and he was really pissed.

“Wait right there okay I will be down in a second!” Blake announces quickly seeing an “in” to speak to the chick first, what with Adam making crying noises, and Anders slapping him on the back way harder than necessary.

“What is even happening right now?” Imogen questions to herself quickly glancing away from the roof, maybe she should just make a run for it and let the night decide her fate instead.

Tugging at her dark purple vest top with crossed straps Imogen folds her arms across herself, bravado having abandoned her briefly as she was all alone right now but with a firm couple of words said, she shakes off this lapse in judgement to place the imaginary visor back down once again.

This was good she had finally found signs of life here in the suburbs, even though the guys themselves were currently arguing on the roof this was literally the best that Imogen was going to get, as she briefly daydreams about her unmade bed fondly.

Who ran out of battery on their cells these days weren’t they supposed to last longer? Also Imogen hadn’t bothered with a purse, so she wasn’t ready for this kind of late night shenanigans, all she wanted right now was her laptop and to perhaps check out her private tabs again.

You know the ones that you reference back on when you have a shitty encounter with your date, the kind that leaves you wondering if the guy had actually ever met a women before, the thought has Imogen feeling horny briefly but knows that now wasn’t exactly the right time.

Thanks to her date who had left her high and dry, Imogen was suddenly feeling a warmth spread low across her stomach, the kind that would eventually need attention because her body was betraying her mind which was on serious high alert right this second.

Which was why as soon as she got back to her apartment later she would be hitting those tabs, maybe even video call her asshole date and show him what he could’ve done with his hands but didn’t, because that was exactly why Imogen was feeling this way it had been a hot minute.

…and she was suddenly feeling a little needy.

Only right now she should be more worried about not making it back alive instead, these guys were of course strangers and Imogen had met some creeps in her life, that was a guarantee so why was she suddenly feeling herself what kind of sick joke was this?

Meanwhile Blake is glad that he is currently wearing a pair of protective knee pads, as he stumbles down off the roof rushing round to the front of the house, brushing stray curls from his face as he looks down to notice all the dried beer stains on his white graphic tee shirt.

There was obviously no time to change real quick because his friends would jump in, Blake rarely got a change like this so ripping off the knee pads and chucking them to the ground, he burps loudly checking his tee shirt once more and decides that this was as good as it would get.

Cursing silently Blake is just glad that he isn’t as wasted as his roommates, only buzzing from the weed which was something he could deal with, but spotting the chick near the front door he skids to a comedic halt.

“Hey, there you are!” Blake states in an over enthusiastic voice, which sounds ridiculous even to his own ears as he grins happily at the brunette.

“Yes here I am, but where the fuck am I exactly?” Imogen questions back in a sing song voice, noticing the guy in front of her who was constantly touching his mess of curls.

“Oh, are you lost?” Blake asks removing his hands from his hair, as he places them either side of him trying not to look as awkward as he felt, which he definitely wasn’t sure that he was succeeding with.

“Completely! Can I borrow your phone to call a cab or-“

“Oh it’s too late for a cab this way in Rancho I’m afraid, maybe wait here for a couple of hours with us?” Blake explains with a sidelong glance and smile, that he hopes doesn’t make him look like an idiot.

“Fuck, fine!” Imogen states grudgingly as she then asks the guy in front of her “ You’re not gonna kill me are you?”

“I don’t even talk to hot chicks-“

“Well that’s a red flag right there!” Imogen announces with a roll of her eyes as she proclaims “You see we like to be called women not chicks, and I already know full well that I’m damn hot!”

“Oh you are so hot, move out of the way Blake!” Adam growls appearing from the shadows to reveal that he was covered in sick, causing the chick in front of him to take a step nearer to his roommate.

“Dude, you look gross-“

“Why are you even here right now when I’m not looking my sexiest!” Adam whines pulling a face, as he feels his stomach turn yet again but the moment thankfully passes.

“Am I safe here?” Imogen asks Blake whilst taking another step closer to him, noticing his hand reach out, but then he quickly moves it back to his side instead.

“Sure, we’re harmless-“

“Adam you’ve been eating my goddam bagel bites again!” Anders cuts off Blake shouting as Adam rushes off back inside the house, but the tall guy stops in front of the chick who was surprisingly still here.

“Adam went that way dude.” Blake informs Anders hoping that his friend, would quickly take the hint but the Norwegian held out his left hand instead to the brunette.

“Who is this?” Anders questions with a smug smile aimed at Blake, who stands strong because he currently wasn’t the one that was covered in puke right now.

“I’m Imogen, reasonably new in town, and currently very lost.” Imogen nods trying not to inhale the smell that was coming from the guy in front of her as she adds sarcastically “ I have nowhere else to go right now, so can you both do me a solid and not kill me.”

“Why are you so obsessed about being killed?” Blake asks Imogen who was definitely way out of his league, but surely he stood a chance against Anders at least once in his damn life.

“I’ve had a bad night-“

“Which has now been turned around by meeting me, I’m Anders don’t say my name wrong and we will get along just fine.” Anders states with a wink interrupting the brunette, who was glaring back at him.

“Are you really trying to hit on me right now, when you’re literally covered in your friend’s puke?” Imogen asks him whilst folding her arms across her front, a look of dismay plastered across her face.

“He wasn’t-“

“Dude, I was hitting on her but it appears my time here was wasted.” Anders retorts attempting to save face, as he cuts off a confused looking Blake.

“Zero points for effort there Anders, why don’t you take some tips from Blake here, and act like a normal guy?” Imogen questions with a tip of her chin looking up at Anders who was slowly rolling his eyes.

“News flash I am acting like a dude but it’s clear to see that you don’t get hit on a lot-“

“Only by assholes.” Imogen replies at the same time that Blake lets out a nervous laugh, causing her to grin back at him.

“Walk it off dude-“

“Whatever this chick isn’t worth it, Blake you haven’t got a chance in hell!” Anders cuts off his roommate, who glares at his retreating back as he heads back into the house.

Anders cannot believe the mouth on that chick Imogen who he sees is still talking with Blake, the idiot who had decided to make a blanket fort outside earlier, clearly Ders was out of her league and she wasn’t after someone of his calibre.

Spotting Adam who was now shirtless in the messy kitchen, chugging down some warm orange juice Anders glares back at him also taking off his long sleeve, unable to not flex which his friend clearly notices as he rolls his brown eyes.

“Dude I’m not in the mood for a flex off-“

“Yeah because you are definitely not looking your best right now.” Chuckles Ders with a laugh whilst Adam rolls his eyes right back.

“I can’t believe that chick-“

“Is still talking with Blake does she feel super sorry for the guy or something what’s her deal?” Anders cuts off Adam grumpily but then shakes his head to calm his voice.

“Hey that’s our dude right there, don’t go knocking Blakey down.” Adam states as he steps to his left, noticing his bro still outside but with a very awkward look on his face.

“He is totally gonna mess this up you know dude.” Anders states with an annoyed sigh.

“Well let’s go watch then.” Adam declares with a wicked grin, as the pair quickly go and stand blatantly at the door, waiting to see Blake crash and burn.

Imogen notices Blake’s roommates watching them whilst he was talking literal nonsense, but luckily for him he was kind of cute and she was resisting the urge to play with his hair, so right now she would just protect him from his so called friends.

Clearly none of them had ever been around women much, this was as obvious as the day was long so what would the harm be in helping out Blake, and staying close by him of course only because she didn’t trust the other two at all.

“So what were you guys doing up on the roof then?” Imogen asks Blake with a smile cutting him off from his rambling, as he rewards her with an appreciative grin back.

“Oh we always hang out up there and drink beers-“

“Chicks dig our parties and if they are really good then we show them the roof.” Adam announces cutting off Blake, as he stretches out an arm across the door frame.

“Lucky women.” Imogen snorts back which makes Anders give her a fake grin.

“Purely eights or upwards of that but you like to run your mouth, so that makes you lose some points.” Ders states wishing that he had a mic to drop, but instead he winks at the brunette named Imogen.

“I’d rather fuck myself than have you help me out anytime Anders.” Imogen announces which makes, both Blake and Adam burst out laughing.

“Oh that’s a good burn, a sexy one too!” Adam declares with a childless giggle, poking his tongue out in Imogen’s direction.

“Stay or go, I don’t give a fuck!” Ders snaps back clearly over all of this, as he stalks back inside the house.

“Well you can obviously stay let’s set you up on the couch.” Blake begins with a smile as he elaborates “ I can make you a coffee or find you a beer, a red bull?”

“Thanks I will definitely be sticking with you-“

“This guy?!” Adam questions moments away from being bitchy but he stops himself to state that “Blake is a good dude but be gentle with him.”

“Dude!” Blake argues back in a firm voice whilst Adam, tries and fails to look apologetic as he shrugs back.

“Show me this couch then because I’m completely over tonight!” Imogen explains ignoring the two friends, who were currently eyeballing one another hard.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come and check out my bedroom?” Adam asks in what he presumes is a seductive voice, but it has the opposite effect on Imogen who narrows her eyes.

“Definitely not, I’m going to stay with Blake he is the only one I trust-“

“Plus I do have some weed leftover from earlier.” Blake cuts off Imogen with a smile as she grins back with a firm nod.

“That will definitely help me sleep and forget about tonight!” Imogen explains following Blake who heads inside, with Adam moving barely an inch as she has to squeeze past him.

“You are being the opposite of cute right now Adam-“

“Well I don’t care what you think!” Adam cuts off Imogen with a snort as he runs off to his left, hearing a slam of a door signalling he had finally taken the hint.

“And then there were two!” Blake announces then looks away shyly, because he sounded like a dork right now.

“Not quite.” Anders announces reappearing from the kitchen with a nonplussed look on his face.

“Give it up dude.” Imogen rolls her eyes as Anders shrugs, sitting down on the couch next to the window, whilst Blake nudges you towards the other one.

“I just wanna see all this unfold-“

“What sitting here on the couch because nothing else is happening tonight.” Imogen emphasises her point, by cutting off Anders whilst Blake shakes his head glancing quickly down at his hands.

“Oh no it definitely isn’t!” Begins Anders with a laugh as he continues “ Little Blakey here has the least experience with chicks, emphasis on the word little if you know what I mean.”

“That isn’t true, I have the most experience for sure!” Blake states even though he doesn’t sound as convinced himself.

“In your dreams with your left hand.” Splutters Anders with a laugh which no one else reciprocates back.

“Good enough for me.” Imogen shrugs moving closer to Blake on the couch, who looks very shocked but tries to cover it well.

“I seriously don’t get this!” Anders questions as he gets up from the couch, pointing from his roommate to Imogen as he adds “ Dude you’re going to mess this up big time.”

Imogen watches in amusement as Anders storms from the room, glancing at Blake who also has a bemused look on his face, with silence filling the room between them at this rather late hour.

“I can go grab you a blanket-“

“Please don’t leave me here alone.” Imogen asks Blake whilst stifling a yawn because tonight felt like it was never ending.

“I will literally be right back in a sec!” Blake announces with a squeak in his voice, which he hoped that Imogen didn’t hear.

Grabbing an old blanket off his bed Blake notes that Adam’s door is still shut, but his eyes widen when he spots Ders watching him, through the small crack of his door an ugly smirk smothered across his face.

“Don’t forget the coats-“

“Cut it out dude Imogen isn’t here for that I’m just helping here out.” Blake cuts off Anders quickly lowering his voice as he glances back down the hallway.

“Nice guys finish last Blake, always remember that!” Anders announces raising his voice while his roommate rolls his eyes.

“Don’t you think I know that already!” Blake begins with a bite of his bottom lip adding playfully “ But I feel like I have a chance here for something so don’t ruin this for me.”

“Adam’s right bro, you just need to stop being such a pussy.” Anders states with a scoff closing his door loudly, which makes Blake grip the blanket that was in his hand tighter.

He could do this because the last thing that Blake wanted, was his friend to get into his head right now, they were fucking with him sure but he was ready to show them exactly how to get the girl.

…or at least hang out and flirt with because for once he had the place to himself technically.

Imogen was the full package she was hot, funny and told it like it is, something that Blake wasn’t able to do, but he was really excited at the idea of them hanging out on the couch together.

No his mind wouldn’t treat this like an opening to a porn video, sure Blake liked to take things slow but he knew Imogen wasn’t giving off that vibe, the last thing that he was ever gonna do was throw himself at her.

Blake was surprisingly good with social cues or at least sensitive to other people, his roommates fucking mentioned it enough, like it was a bad thing being a beta but he would show them that it was the total opposite.

Imogen feels sleepy on the couch staring at her phone, watching it charge as she had found a cable to fit her iPhone, messaging Ellie to briefly explain her night whilst wishing that Blake would hurry up.

Despite being incredibly awkward but kinda cute with it, Imogen wanted to get a fuller picture of these guys especially Blake, feeling the safest with him even though her intuition wasn’t on point tonight.

Looking up when she spots the guy in question Imogen smiles as he silently hands her the soft blue blanket, crashing back down onto the couch, whilst keeping a little distance between them as he settles into his seat with ease.

“Do you want a coffee or beer-“

“It’s way after two in the morning I need to crash.” Begins Imogen with another yawn tugging down at her vest top as she the adds “Let’s just sit here and relax though first because, I’m pretty sure that you mentioned weed earlier.”

“Good plan.” Blake nods with a grin pulling out a joint from behind his ear, leaning forward to lazily to grab a lighter from their messy coffee table.

Placing the joint between his lips Blake lights the end, taking a slow inhale inquisitive blue eyes firmly fixed on Imogen, who was smirking but watching him pretty closely.

Silently Blake hands Imogen the jay their fingers brushing, making him look away but then quickly back, just in time to watch the brunette lick her bottom lip in anticipation.

Fuck, this was a bad idea because currently Blake was already rocking a semi, even though Imogen had literally just said that nothing would happen, but his body was responding in a very different tone to his brain.

Imogen takes a deep pull of the joint closing her eyes with a smile, as some of the smoke escapes through her nose, opening her eyes with a soft giggle as she catches Blake watching her with his mouth open ajar.

“Did I not do it right?” Questions Imogen with a roll of her eyes, also wondering why he was looking at her like that right now.

“Huh?” Blake returns to the couch noticing the arched eyebrow that Imogen was wearing, because his mind was now betraying him by thinking sexy thoughts about the babe beside him.

“Where did you go-“

“You don’t wanna know.” States Blake cutting off Imogen who smirks back at him playfully.

“Oh, I think I can totally guess where you went.” Imogen begins with a laugh that makes Blake look down at his hands in his lap as she then asks him “Was I any good?”

Blake chokes on his exhale in response coughing deeply, at the very same time that Imogen laughs and watches as he wipes his damp blue eyes, with the back of his left hand noticing long fingers which was obviously important.

“Let’s roll back to that question later.” Imogen informs Blake with a wink as she then explains to him “ I want to know what the deal is with your roommates.”

“Oh, really?” Blake questions with a confused look on his face, until he realises exactly why Imogen was asking him this.

“Yeah, they are idiots how did you meet them and end up here?” Imogen questions feeling the weed she was smoking take effect, the space around her softening at the edges which was both calming and welcoming right now.

“At this house? Well the short version is we met at college, got chucked off campus for many reasons, and then ended up at our hellscape job that is telemarketing needing a place to live and this came up.” Blake explains in one long breath, followed by a slow inhale on the joint sat between his fingers

“I have so many questions.” Imogen replies with a giggle then adds “ Those guys are a little too full on but you, well you’re a nice dude Blake.”

“I get that a lot.” Blake sighs hating himself for imagining a scenario that included Imogen and him as he states “Of course women like the full on guys, us nice guys never finish at all.”

“No way.” Imogen shakes her head with a scoff noticing Blake’s eyes drop as she hastily ask “Because if that was the case then why am I sitting here with you.”

“I’m a loser-“

“Hardly you are a cute nerd at best but no way a loser, believe me I’ve dated some of those.” Imogen snorts whilst twisting round to face Blake better, causing her leg to push against his as he freezes on the spot.

“What idiots-“

“Who?” Imogen questions in confusion whilst her right hand moves to grab the still lit jay, but Blake lifts it up high above his head causing her to lean forward as he moved back grinning lazily.

“Those idiots who let you go but I guess if you weren’t single you wouldn’t be here.” Blake states looking down directly at Imogen, who was still trying to retrieve the joint she disliked not being in charge greatly.

“I’m here because of a shitty night with yet another shitty guy, but you perhaps might be the one redeeming feature about tonight Blake.” Imogen states with a flirty smile that Blake reciprocates, feeling the endorphin boost all the way down to his toes.

“I’ll take that as a compliment.” Blake smirks as he goes to hand Imogen the joint, his body moving closer to hers as she attempts to grab it again, but instead he places it down onto a small rolling tray.

“You should-“ Before Imogen can finish that sentence Blake has firmly planted his lips on hers, causing her to stop talking and take a moment, to actually wonder what the hell this guy was doing with his tongue.

“What’s wrong?” Blake questions as he quickly moves his mouth away, with the tip of his tongue sticking out between his teeth, when he realises that Imogen isn’t kissing him back.

“Let’s take things a little slower-“

“Ok, well you can have my bed then and I will just stay out here on the couch.” Blake states with a resigning nod, the boost from earlier being replaced with secondhand embarrassment.

“Er, no.” Imogen states with a shake of her head as she elaborates “Kiss me again instead but this time, take it much slower because there is no rush.”

“Sure, I can do that.” Blake nods looking anything but confident, as he moves closer again, with one arm spread along the back of the couch and his right hand placed lightly on Imogen’s hip thumb brushing against bare skin.

“Hey, don’t look so glum.” Imogen informs Blake with a soft smile.

“You’re only gonna hate it again.” Blake scoffs hating the self doubt, that was being awakened inside of him by his anxiety.

“Try me.” Imogen tells him with a grin clocking the look on Blake’s face, the innocent one that told her that this was important for him.

Silently nodding Blake opens his mouth a tiny fraction, then moving closer he meets Imogen once again, their lips dancing together only this time without his tongue vibrating crazily against her teeth.

Instead barely there kisses greeted Imogen that made her almost want to sigh, body responding accordingly to the anticipation moving her left hand to hold onto Blake’s broad shoulder, the motion makes him deepen their connection which finally causes a noise to escape from her lips.

That makes Imogen grab a handful of Blake’s tee shirt as a result pulling him closer, whilst he re introduced his tongue slowly almost teasingly, and then when he hears the noise that comes from Imogen once again it almost undoes him as a result.

“Better?” Questions Blake hesitantly noticing the dazed look, that was gleaming on Imogen’s face as she nods back eagerly.

“Don’t stop!” Huffs Imogen as Blake grins goofily whilst tugging at his tee shirt, pulling it up over his head rather aggressively in one quick move.

Blue eyes meet Imogen’s once more as Blake notices the look she was giving him, unable to resist the urge to flex his pecs which makes a smirk appear on the brunettes face, this pleases him greatly as his good mood is restored back from factory settings.

“You’re looking at me the same way that Adam looks at KFC food.” Blake chuckles especially when he sees a dusting of red, colour Imogen’s cheeks in response making her look all the more cuter.

“So what are you going to do about it then Blake?” Imogen asks with a smile at the quick learner who was seated next to her, the same guy who had just pulled her heartstrings as well as a few other muscles moments ago…

[entityupdates]

Fanfiction Masterlist Version 2

This is a master list of all the fanfiction I have posted with links and key details. I have another masterlist but I wanted to make one that was organized more clearly.

Sorted by fandom alphabetically. Multipart/series fics are grouped together. Crossovers are repeated. Updated as necessary.

Avatar: Last Airbender

Death Comes in Threes

Lu Ten, Azulon, and Ursa died within days of each other. It's a lot for a young Zuko to handle.

2023, 1 chapter (oneshot), 2K words, complete.

He Is Mild, He Is Meek

Modern AU written for aromantic writing month. Trans aro lesbian Suki adopts Momo the cat.

2020, 1 chapter (oneshot), 6.5K words, complete.

Hypoxia

Hanahaki AU written as a gift. Ty Lee and Mai fall in love with each other in a Fire Nation where homosexuality is illegal. Ty Lee learns to use airbending to keep the flowers at bay.

2023, 2 chapters, 10K words, complete.

Momo & Zuko

Momo is interested in Zuko after he joins the gaang.

2020, 1 chapter (oneshot), >2K words, complete.

Moon Blinked

An attempt at horror. The moon is the bulb of an angler fish. Yue dies and is terrified of La.

2022, 1 chapter (oneshot), 3.5K words, completed.

The Spirits Threw Down Their Tears And Watered Heaven With Their Tears

This is a take on the weredragon Zuko trope with a heavy emphasis on the spirits in the world of Avatar. Dragon Zuko ends up in the North and meets sea serpent Yue. This fic was originally eight chapters but ten more were added to show Zuko and Yue moving on after Yue's death. The series page includes a supplemental oneshot about Toph.

2022-2023, 18 chapters, 58K words, complete.

The World Was Made By Gran Gran's Face

A series of drabbles about Sokka during the war. I also posted a draft of one of the chapters separately on FFN.

2020-2021, 10 chapters, >10K words, complete.

We Dance To Fast Music

Written for aromantic writing month 2021. Zuko experiences aro joy through dance. Can be read as platonic, queerplatonic, and/or polyamorous.

2021, 3 chapters, 8K words, completed.

When Everything Goes Wrong: ATLA Edition

During quarantine, I was very into incorrect quotes and also active on atla twitter so this is just a collection of some of my atla incorrect quote tweets.

2020-2022, 10 chapters, 8K words, completed.

Ben 10

A Change In The Beat Won't Make Me Stumble

Ken comes home from Thanksgiving. His family is a lot more alien than he thought it ever would be but he still loves them,

2021, 1 chapter (oneshot), 2.7K words, complete.

Crime Pays, Bro

Trans AU. Ben and Rook join Fistrick's gang.

2022, 1 chapter (oneshot), 7.7K words, complete.

Dangerous Games

This is an October challenge I tried in 2019 but failed to complete. It does get updated but very rarely.

2019-Present, 31 chapters, in-progress/hiatus

Even the Stars Can Be Rewritten

Oneshot about Alien X recreating the universe.

2019, 1 chapter (oneshot), 2.8K words, complete.

Glitch's Spark

Reboot fic. Glitch gets the spark instead of Gwen.

2022, 5 chapters, 17K words, complete.

It Should've Been Me

Reboot fic. Gwen and Ben have a talk after Kevin falls into the time portal.

2021, 1 chapter (oneshot), 2.5K words, complete.

It Was Automatic

Carl adapts to the ways Ben has changed his life recently and punches Will Harangue in the face.

2021, 1 chapter (oneshot), 6K words, complete

I Used To Dream, I Used to Fly

Ben 10/Kid Cosmic/Green Lantern crossover. Hal Jordan adopts Kid Cosmic and Ben gets a new brother.

2021, 5 chapters, 10K words, complete.

Rook Gets the Omnitrix AU

This is a series with five main parts and four supplementary oneshots. Rook finds the Omnitrix on Revonnah, attends the Plumber Academy, spends some time on Galvan Prime and Anur Transyl, and ends up in an interdimensional mess on Earth.

2021-2023, series, 182K words, complete.

To Touch Each and Every Life

The Adventure Zone/ Ben 10 Omniverse crossover. How the Day of Story and Song affected the Ben 10 universe.

2022, 5 chapters, 7.3K words, complete

Voiceless

Ben 10 Omniverse/Sanders Sides crossover. Roman and Remus are Osmosians (Omniverse definition: human mutants) with the power to see visions of something they don't yet understand. Logan, Virgil, Deceit, and Patton are aliens who attend the Plumber Academy with Rook and Scout.

2020-Present, (estimated) 30 chapters, in-progress/hiatus

When Everything Goes Wrong: Ben 10 Edition

Ben 10 incorrect quotes collection.

2022, 6 chapters, 3K words, complete.

You Were A Stranger

Rook, a Ben 10 fanfic writer, is assigned to Earth's Plumber base and falls in love with the actual Ben Tennyson. Featuring fanartist Scout, Rook & Molly Gunther friendship, and Kai being kind of terrible.

2022, 8 chapters, 35K words, complete.

Big Bang Theory & Young Sheldon

Synapses

Soulmate AU. Modern Sheldon tells his friends about his damaged (platonic) soulbonds with Paige and Dr. Sturgis.

2023, 1 chapter (oneshot), 2K words, complete.

DC Comics

Don't Look At Me

DC Legends of Tomorrow! Constantine loses his magic and the ability to pass as a man. He tries and fails to hide his transness from the crew.

2021, 1 chapter (oneshot), 4.7K words, complete

House Rules

DC Legends of Tomorrow! The Legends make lists of house rules for each other to make sharing the Waverider a little more bearable.

2019, 10 chapters, 8.4K, complete

In Storm Or Calm

Justice League Unlimited! Vigilante and Shining Knight are outed after saving a pride parade from another attack by General Eiling. Oneshot and a cat sequel.

2021, 2 installments, 25K words, complete

I Used To Dream, I Used to Fly

Ben 10/Kid Cosmic/Green Lantern crossover. Hal Jordan adopts Kid Cosmic and Ben gets a new brother.

2021, 5 chapters, 10K words, complete.

Quick To Rise

CW Flash books! Johnny Quick origin story.

2018-2019, 5 chapters, 10K words, complete

Signal

DC League of Superpets/HouseBroken crossover! Krypto joins a meeting with the group.

2022, 1 chapter (oneshot), 2.1K, complete

Tired of This Ghost Town

Justice League Unlimited! Vigilante fights back during the Thanagarian invasion and meets a ghost named Sir Justin. Intended to be a longer Vigilante/Shining Knight slowburn but I decided not to write it and felt the first chapter worked as a standalone.

2021, 1 chapter (oneshot), 11K words, complete (may be continued)

Who Am I?

My Adventures With Superman! Clark realizes he's trans after Lois calls the hero she saw "Superman."

2023, 1 chapter (oneshot), >1K words, complete.

Dimension 20

5 Times Lisa Did Not Like G13 and 1 Time She Did

Never Stop Blowing Up! G13 comes to the real world. Lisa does not like him.

2024, 1 chapter (oneshot), 6.7K words, complete

Disenchantment

Mosiac

Written for aromantic writing month 2021. Bean reflects on the relationships in her life.

2021, 1 chapter (oneshot), 2K, complete

Eliza And Her Monsters

She Doesn't Swim, She Drowns

Written as a gift. Eliza ends up at the beginning of Monstrous Sea and discovers she has a deep, supernatural connection with the world. There is also a Spider-Man crossover sequel where Eliza realizes her powers from Monstrous Sea exist in the real world.

2021-2022, two installments (series), 17K words, complete

Kid Cosmic

I Used To Dream, I Used to Fly

Ben 10/Kid Cosmic/Green Lantern crossover. Hal Jordan adopts Kid Cosmic and Ben gets a new brother.

2021, 5 chapters, 10K words, complete.

Lion Guard

Siku Ya Wazazi

Simba and Bunga decide to work together to give Timon and Pumba a Parents Day to remember.

2020, 1 chapter (oneshot), 2.5K words, complete

Marvel Comics

I Want You In My Life (But Not Like That)

MCU! Written as a gift and for aromantic writing month. Clint and Natasha look at their relationship over the years.

2023, 1 chapter (oneshot), 3.6K, complete.

Reunions

MCU/Endgame! Standalone reunions after everyone is snapped back.

2019-2020, 11 chapters, 11.2K words, complete

Sister Light And Brother Dark

Requested fic. Morgan finds a journal about her father's relationship with Steven Rogers and how they saw Ultron as their son.

2019, 1 chapter (oneshot), 7K words, complete.

They'll Have Someone to Care For Them

MCU/dsitmom! Earth 838 recovers from the death of the Illuminati.

2022, 23 chapters, 35K words, abandoned/complete/hiatus.

we felt his love and he died loving you

X-Men 97! Kid/Adoption AU. The X-Kids expect Scott to get custody of them after Xavier dies but they actually end up with Xavier's ex-husband who they didn't know about. Magneto struggles to be a dad.

2024-Present, 30+ chapters, 100K+ words, ongoing

Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Cat Noir

(Drag) Kings And Queens

Identity shenanigans with a lot of queerness sprinkled in. Online designer Ladybug recognizes one of her commissions on drag king Chat Noir and they become friends, not knowing that they are dating in real life. They are also both trans and closed, thus living triple lives with each other.

2024, 6 chapters, 17.6K words, complete

Princes Are Always Just Out of Reach

Sanders Sides/Miraculous crossover! Roman's boyfriend Virgil is akumatized. Remus battles him alongside Ladybug as Chat Noir. Also, coming out and identity reveals.

2020, 1 chapter (oneshot), 10K words, complete

Some Real Important Thing

Gabriel knows he's dying and decides to tell Adrien everything. Adrien does not take it well.

2024, 1 chapter (oneshot), 3.4K words, complete

Naruto

Dreaming Is a Universal Language

Gaara relearns how to sleep.

2019, 1 chapter (oneshot), 3K words, complete

Thought That Cupid Shot Me With Love But It Was Only An Aro

Soulmate AU written for aromantic writing month. Sai and Ino are soulmates but don't realize it, partially due to Sai's disinterest in being in a romantic relationship.

2021, 1 chapter (oneshot), 10K words, complete.

Pokémon

Gender's a Spectacle

S&M! Kukui's class asks about Pokémon's gender.

2021-2022, 1 chapter (oneshot) 4K words, complete

Heels On the Limonium

Trans Nurse Joy drabble.

2021, 1 chapter (oneshot), <1K words, complete.

Island Visitors

Pokémon Anime/TMNT 2012 crossover. The turtles end up on Iron Island.

2018, 1 chapter (oneshot), 3.5K words, complete.

Immortality Is Hard On the Mind

Submas, B&W, PLA, Conquest, S&M, X&Y! Immortal Volo befriends the twins and Elesa in modern day but gets into some trouble when Ingo is sucked back in time.

2023, 15 chapters, 53K words, complete.

Masking and Related Stories

Submas, PLA, B&W! Hisuian Zoroark Ingo fic. Ingo masters his illusionary abilities and disguises himself as a human to return to his normal life. Main fic and spin-off are complete, may get additions later.

2023-2024, series, 150K words, complete.

Silence Was His Savior

Takes place immediately after the last chapter of the abandoned fic The Guardian's Dragons. Ash refuses to tell Oak what happened to his friend Bill.

2022, 1 chapter (oneshot), >3K words, complete

Sycamore

X&Y! Professor Sycamore's Pokemon Journey. I tried posting an incomplete fic to see if it would motivate me to write more but it did not and I never finished posting what I did have written so it may get updates eventually.

2017, hiatus

The Normal Amount of Pain Is None

Submas! Ingo deals with chronic pain after returning to Unova.

2024, 1 chapter (oneshot), 2K, complete.

Vines

OC fic/writing challenge. The beginning of Blake's Pokemon journey.

2018, 15 chapters, 32.8K words, complete

Puss In Boots

We Are Not Star-Crossed

Soulmate AU. Puss uses his wish to ensure everyone finds their loved ones like he has.

2021, 1 chapter (oneshot), 3.2K words, complete

Sanders Sides

Five Old Men Sitting On A Bench (Not Now, Not Ever. Ever Again)

Elderly DLMAP! Thomas is dying and Deceit wants to make amends with the other sides before its too late.

2020, 1 chapter (oneshot), 12.4K words, complete

Like The Pictures On Our Socials, Faking What We Show

High school AU. Fake dating gay Roman/trans aroace Virgil to protect them both from getting outed.

2021, 1 chapter (oneshot), 12.5K words, complete.

Manifestation

Orange side theory fic based on an Asides episode I now can't find the title for.

2021, 1 chapter (oneshot), >1K words, complete.

Nightmare Before Sunset

Sanders Sides/Warriors crossover. Many generations after the era of Firestar, the Four's prophecy comes back and a new group of cats gains the power to save the clans.

2019-2020, 20 chapters, 100K words, complete

Oblique

Written for aromantic writing month. An ace Roman and an aro Remus feel broken enough that they try to recombine into the king, distressing their partners and the other sides.

2021, 3 chapters, 11.4K words, complete

Princes Are Always Just Out of Reach

Sanders Sides/Miraculous crossover! Roman's boyfriend Virgil is akumatized. Remus battles him alongside Ladybug as Chat Noir. Also, coming out and identity reveals.

2020, 1 chapter (oneshot), 10K, complete.

Snake In the Grass

Rikki Tikki Tavi AU! Snake Janus is betrayed by cat Virgil.

2020, 1 chapter (oneshot), 7K words, complete.

Stolen From the Violet

Puff the Magic Dragon AU! Sorcerer Virgil is cursed into a dragon and falls in love with human prince Roman.

2020, 8 chapters, 22.4K words, complete.

Voiceless

Ben 10 Omniverse/Sanders Sides crossover. Roman and Remus are Osmosians (Omniverse definition: human mutants) with the power to see visions of something they don't yet understand. Logan, Virgil, Deceit, and Patton are aliens who attend the Plumber Academy with Rook and Scout.

2020-Present, (estimated) 30 chapters, in-progress/hiatus.

When Everything Goes Wrong: Sanders Sides Edition

Sanders Sides incorrect quotes.

2020-2022, 120 chapters, 75K words, complete

Why Don’t You Play Me One Of Your Songs?

Sanders Sides/BoJack Horsemen Valentines Day fic. Logan professes his love for Patton through song.

2021, 1 chapter (oneshot), 1.4K words, complete.

Words

Drabble series about Deceit, words, and feelings.

2020, 10 chapters, 8.2K words, complete.

Spirited

A Symptom of Our Relationship

Request. Roberto has some insecurities about his relationship with Clint.

2022, 1 chapter (oneshot), 1.7K words, complete

Beautiful In A Moment

Clint recalls how he fell in love with Kimberly and Roberto.

2022, 1 chapter (oneshot), 2.3K words, complete

Burn the Body that Isn't Mine

Trans AU! Clint reflects on his transness after dying.

2022, 1 chapter (oneshot), 6K words, complete

Clint & Ghost Oneshots

Three related oneshots where Clint bonds with each of the ghosts.

2022, 3 oneshots, 2.4K words, complete

Do I Even Know My Own Name?

Request. Kimberly knows about Scrooge.

2022, 1 chapter (oneshot), 900 words, complete

Grocery Run? More Like Grocery Pun

Request. Clint bothers Roberto while shopping with flirty grocery puns.

2022, 1 chapter (oneshot), 2K words, complete

Hematite Stones

Request. Clint wants to give a gift to Roberto but isn't sure how.

2022, 1 chapter (oneshot), 2K words, complete

Mix Up

Clint and Carrie don't understand the casting choice for GP Future and GP Past.

2022, 1 chapter (oneshot), 2.2K words, complete

Then To Finish, We'll Snuggle

Clint shows Roberto Elf.

2022, 1 chapter (oneshot), 1.4K words, complete

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Four Corners of the Earth - Series

The turtles are separated as children and end up in very different parts of the world, forming new families there.

Original fic (complete), prequel oneshots (abandoned), sequel (abandoned)

2018, series, 140K, abandoned

Funeral Fight

Request. Chompy Picasso, Ice Cream Kitty, and Dr. Cluckingsworth MD get into some trouble at Splinter's funeral.

2018, 1 chapter (oneshot), 6K words, complete

Island Visitors

Pokémon Anime/TMNT 2012 crossover. The turtles end up on Iron Island.

2018, 1 chapter (oneshot), 3.5K words, complete.

The Adventure Zone

Guy Stuff

Angus has some trouble with his binder. Magnus, Taako, and Merle help him thanks to faded memories of Barry Bluejeans.

2022, 2 chapters, 4.6K words, complete.

To Touch Each and Every Life

The Adventure Zone/ Ben 10 Omniverse crossover. How the Day of Story and Song affected the Ben 10 universe.

2022, 5 chapters, 7.3K words, complete.

Warriors

Broken Nature

At birth, two of Yellowfang's kits died and went to StarClan. Or so she thought. Instead, Brokenkit grows up sharing a body with his two sisters' spirits.

2019, 20 chapters, 71K words, complete.

Chasing Stars

Jayfeather is reincarnated time and time again. He is tired of it.

2020, 1 chapter (oneshot), 5K words, complete

Falling Feathers

Jayfeather knows he's going to die. He tries to make amends with his father before its too late.

2019, 15 chapters, 30K words, complete.

Nightmare Before Sunset

Sanders Sides/Warriors crossover. Many generations after the era of Firestar, the Four's prophecy comes back and a new group of cats gains the power to save the clans.

2019-2020, 20 chapters, 100K words, complete

The Ancient Spirits / The Ancient Tribes

The three regain their lost powers and learn about catkind's history.

2018-2019, 80 chapters, 125K words, complete.

The New Horizon

The clans discover the three's powers and drive them out of the clan, forcing the three to find a new home and leaving the clans to face the Dark Forest alone. Some intention of continuation but has an ending. Crossposted onto Ao3.

2020-2021, 20 chapters, 60K words, complete.

[aquagustd]

doin’ time - PJM

after that…riveting evening spent with Jimin, you think he’d be the perfect candidate to help you with the few things that you don’t know after discovering that the real thing is far better than the books. he only has one rule: you’d have to keep your little arrangement a secret.

⤷ lust for life masterlist

pairing — step bro’s best friend!jimin x nerdy!reader

genre/rating — R | smut, fluff, slight angst, fwb2l

word count — 6.5K

play — doin’ time by lana del rey

warnings/tags — summer holiday, rich kids au, college au, strong language, small age gap, inexperienced!reader, flirty jimin, blond jimin, sexual discovery, corruption kink, insecurities, virgin!reader, vaping, manhandling, mouth fetish?, oc lowkey loves money, she’s v h0rny in the part lmao, mentions of masturbation, jimin’s unspoken rizz lmfao, explicit smut — dirty talk, a single spank, oral (m), he teaches oc some stuff 😵‍💫, cum eating, teasing, brief handjob, thigh riding, lots of kisses + one hickey, jimtiddies & biting

note: can be read as a stand-alone !! this jimin 🥴

Puberty. All over again.

Except this time you actually possess the courage to experiment with your own body. You’ve only ever flicked the bean, never really…dared to try and use your fingers. But after that night with Jimin – you’d like to believe he’s the cause – it’s just not enough. Both your hands were occupied, you felt like a cavewoman, hair all messed up as you squirmed and thrashed under the assault of your own fingers.

Imagining Jimin’s lips on your own. His cherry breath mingling with yours as he took you to the heights of pleasure.

One finger wasn’t enough.

Not even two, it seemed.

Three fingers knuckle deep in your own pussy as you lay on your stomach, fingers twisting at the sheets, all that happened between you the other night replaying in your mind like a broken record. Revisiting that moment – when he called your name so sweetly, cumming all over your tummy.

Late that night, it took you nearly two hours to comprehend what had transpired. Bordering insanity that Park Jimin kissed you, nearly fucked you, and more…all in one night. Your first night of intimacy with another person. You’re not sure if you’re happy or sad that he collected your firsts like infinity stones in only half an hour – but you’re one hundred percent sure that teenage you is living her best life right now.

You bring your fingers up to your lips, reminiscing, remembering how soft and plush his lips felt against yours. Tongue moving so expertly while you felt like you were levitating.

You’re glad that he asked for your number and didn’t give you his, since you would’ve lost your mind wondering when or if you should text him. Since it was probably just a one-time thing.

Collapsing on your bed, you bury your face in your pillow, letting out a tiny shriek.

If you don’t empty all this soon, you might explode.

You can’t even bring yourself to concentrate on your books anymore, mind so muddled with Jimin and his unholy tongue.

Hurriedly, you grab your phone from your nightstand, doing mental math just in case it’s a bad time to call Farah right now. But, to your surprise, your best friend answers on the first ring.

“Hey!”

“Oh my God, hiii,” you squeal, narrowing your eyes at her, “where are you?”

She holds up the phone, giving you a good view of what’s behind her. She seems to be in a marketplace, strolling past the stalls with an iced coffee in hand. Crowd chattering behind her.

“Mum and I went shopping.”

“That’s cool. What are you bringing home for me?”

She giggles, bringing the phone up to her face as she whispers, “it’s a surprise…anyway, why did you call?”

“Oh, oh,” you blush, suddenly shy as Jimin’s stupid face pops into your head. And then you’re second-guessing. Wondering if you should really tell her what happened. You know she won’t judge you, since she shared her firsts and everything else after that with you.

“What? Tell me!” She shouts from the other end of the line, apologizing to the bald man who happened to be standing a little too close when she yelled.

“Uhm,” you cough, covering half your face with one hand, “you remember Jimin. Well, of course you remember him.”

Her grey eyes go wide, “Jimin? Park Jimin?”

You chuckle nervously, “yeah… the only Jimin we know, Farah.”

“Wait, he’s back?”

Your eyebrows furrow, “yeah…he came for my parents housewarming and—”

“When did he get back?”

“I don’t know, probably last weekend…I think.”

“How long is he staying?”

You snort, fist propped under your cheek, “since when do you care that much about him?”

She tuts, “we studied together, remember? Those two years in Germany.”

“Oh, right. That…totally slipped my mind.” Because it did. Farah, your step brother (who tagged along for a vacation), and his friends all left for two years to complete a business course in Germany over a year ago. But your mother didn’t let you go, of course. You’re still bitter over that.

Jimin had done the same course with them and while they were living it up there, you stayed home and finished your courses here. Missing out all on the fun.

“H-How is he?”

“Uh…he’s good, I guess.”

“Still charming all the girls? God, I used to have the biggest crush on him,” she sighs, eyes a little distant.

That has you raising an eyebrow. Since she never, ever brought up her crush on him, and when you were younger she used to tease you and force you into talking to him and ultimately, embarrass yourself.

“You had a crush on him?”

“Come on, ___. Who didn’t have a crush on Park Jimin? Anyway,” she clears her throat, hair swaying behind her as she weaves through the crowd, “what did you want to tell me?”

The dreamy look in her eyes makes you wonder if her sentiments toward him haven’t changed, and for that reason, you use it as an excuse to not tell her what happened. Not yet, that is.

“I’ll tell you tomorrow,” you smile, shuffling to the balcony when you hear the crunch of tires rolling into the driveway, “what time is your flight?”

“We’ll reach around 6 in the evening. I got to go, can’t wait to see you tomorrow!”

“Me too!”

“Bye, love you!”

“Love you too.” She ends the call at the right time, otherwise she would’ve witnessed your heart-eyed expression as you watched Jimin step out of his father’s car, wearing a short-sleeved white t-shirt and black cap.

Looking…sexy.

You snap away from the balcony door when he looks up, missing the smirk playing on his lips as he greets your father.

Flinging your phone across the room, you scour your wardrobe for a cuter outfit, settling on a cute, white mini skirt and a pink jumper to go over. You know they’re probably here to discuss business with your parents, Jimin maybe came along to hang out with your brother, but you’d love to make your presence known.

As if Jimin would think you’re anywhere else but your parents’ place on a hot summers’ day.

Rushing downstairs, you survey your appearance in the hallway mirror, reapplying your lip gloss, before perching yourself on one of the couches in the lounge. The door to the conference room shuts just as you sit down. You curse – now you’d have to wait ‘til they leave so you can see him.

From your place in the lounge, you can hear the room fill with masculine laughter, your mother’s voice tinkering over theirs. It’s been like this since you were little, but after Jimin left, you didn’t care to make an appearance each time Jimin’s dad would come over to meet his business associates. Younger you was disheartened that he had chosen to complete his schooling abroad, and a major part of you resented your mother. She always prevented you from going out and living your life.

Sure she was just trying to protect you, but now you’re a fully grown adult and her behavior hasn’t changed. Like always, you’d have to search for the hidden motive behind her actions. But your conscience wouldn’t let you do that when it came to her over-protectiveness, since you’d label yourself as ungrateful.

Another quality she ingrained in your mind whenever you would complain about the smallest things.

However, you’re a hypocrite for saying that she hasn’t changed, when you’re none the better.

“What are you doing here?”

Your step brother, Doc, stands with his hands in his pockets at the top of the staircase, inquisitive stare burning into your face.

“Nothing.”

“Nothing? Really?” He chuckles, the sound echoing in your home, “I highly doubt that you left your room to come out here and do nothing.”

You level him with an exasperated stare, tucking your feet under your thighs.

“Can say the same for you.”

Busying yourself on your phone, you attempt to avoid his questions by looking away, but he’s merciless, sitting down next to you on the couch with that sickening perfume of his invading your senses.

“I think I know why you’re here.”

Startled, you look up from your phone screen, keeping your face as expressionless as possible.

“Do I need to have a profound reason every single time I step out of my room?”

He runs a hand through his dark hair, corner of his mouth quirking up, “yeah, you kinda do.”

Rolling your eyes, you go back to scrolling through your messages when you hear the door to the conference room crack open, your step-father calling your name with his head tilted toward the staircase. You leap to your feet, shuffling around the pillars over to him.

“Oh, you’re here,” he chuckles, hand resting on your shoulder, “your mother and I have something to ask you. Come on.”

When you enter the room, sunlight beaming across the walls, your gaze falls on Jimin immediately, heart twisting in your chest…and another heartbeat thrumming between your legs.

He’s sat next to his father at the other end of the rectangular table, while your mother sits near the projector, wearing a sour expression. As usual.

Your father pulls out one of the grey chairs for you, “take a seat.”

Tentatively, you sit down, wondering why they’re being so formal.

“As you know,” your father begins, fingers slotting together, “Mr. Park’s company is currently undergoing a restructuring process. Planning a relaunch by the end of the year.”

Your eyes shift to Jimin, unable to see his expression since he’s covering the bottom half of his face with his hand, eyes crinkled at the corners.

“…Yeah.”

“Your mother and I have decided to manage the finance department until Mr. Park is back on track, so we were wondering if—”

“Listen,” your mother interrupts, reaching across the table for your hand, “you don’t have to say yes. This is supposed to be a vacation.”

“You’ll only work four hours a day, Monday to Thursday,” your father informs, shooting a subtle glare, one you don’t miss, in your mother’s direction, “there won’t be much for you to do, since Jimin will be there to split the load.”

You gasp.

Then play off your gasp by laughing.

“Jimin…will be working with me?”

“Yes, dear, you have nothing to worry about. We just thought it would be nice for you to get some experience before you graduate and maybe,” your dad winks, “make some extra cash?”

You were sold when they said you’d be working four hours a day alongside Jimin. But you’d also be getting paid?! Now, this is an offer you can’t refuse.

“We’ll give you some time to—”

“Yes.”

Your mother’s brows shoot up to her hairline, clearly unhappy, “are you sure? You don’t have to do this.”

“Leave her,” your father beams, smacking his palms together, “at least she’d spend this holiday getting to know the ins and outs, eh? Since you’re joining us next year.”

You snort, “not sure about next year, but I’m perfectly fine working temporarily.”

“Good, your mother will be around to supervise, and we’ll negotiate the rest later,” he grins, nodding in Mr. Park’s direction.

Your palms are clammy, neck a little stiff as you all rise from your seats, Jimin’s dad and your parents’ exchanging formalities while Jimin watches you from behind them, his eyes twinkling in the sunlight, boyish smile tugging at his lips.

Maybe your eyes are playing tricks on you, but you swear you see his head jerk in the direction of the door, eyebrows lifting as he winks.

“We’ll see you on Monday, Ms. ___.”

You throw Mr. Park a quick smile, standing to the side as he and Jimin exit the room. Heartbeat accelerating, you’re trying to come up with an excuse to get Jimin alone. To talk to him. To get a good look at him. Anything.

Jimin falters in his step, hand held over his chest as he turns to your father, “before we go, can I use the bathroom?”

“Sure,” your father smiles, “___ will take you upstairs to the guest bathroom. ___?”

“O-Oh yeah,” you startle, hands clasped in front of you as you march toward the staircase, “come on.”

Hair at the back of your neck raising, you can’t shake his stare as he follows you around the house. And once the guest bathroom comes into sight, you stop, pointing to its general direction.

“There it i—”

You yelp as you feel your arm being yanked to the left, tossed into your own room with the door slamming behind you. Back pressed into the wall as he towers over you with his hands set on either side of your head.

“Hi.”

You swallow thickly, “hi.”

His gaze rakes down your figure, bottom lip tucked between his teeth – as if stripping you of your clothes with his siren eyes alone. Your blinds are open halfway, illuminating sections of his face which you think makes him look nearly angelic.

“How have you been?”

Fighting the urge to clench your thighs together, you can’t help but notice the sudden rasp to his voice, different compared to how he sounded earlier.

“I’ve been…good.”

He hums, index finger pushing back a chunk of your hair, “have you been thinking of me?”

You lick your lips, so parched.

“Mhm.”

All you can feel is the blood rushing through your veins, pressure pooling in your lower abdomen.

“Have you been thinking of me?”

He chuckles, leaning down to whisper in your ear, “of course.”

You scoff, “liar.”

His eyebrows furrow, a single strand of hair falling over his forehead.

“You haven’t texted me yet.”

“Oh,” he tuts, ringed fingers caressing the side of your face, “sorry princess. I’ve been busy all week.”

Something in your belly stirs after hearing that pet name – something he used to call you back when you were a child. The position you’re in right now gives it a whole different meaning.

“It’s okay.”

“They’re probably wondering why we’re gone so long,” he husks, cherry breath wafting over your face.

You stand upright, attempting to wiggle out of his hold – because you can’t have any of them banging on your door like the last time. The fear you felt that night when you heard your brother on the other side of the door. His hand flies to your waist, pulling you flush to his chest.

So close you can feel his heart thrum against your own chest, just as unsteady as yours.

“You’re not gonna give me a kiss before I go?”

There’s a slight whine in his voice, pouting as he keeps his gaze on your lips. It’s driving you crazy.

You’re doing the same, unable to tear your eyes away from his glossy mouth – trying to remember what they taste like despite having him right here for you to devour all over again.

“Should I…give you a kiss?”

His eyes flicker up to meet yours, tongue darting out, “only if you want to.”

You’re breathless, fists pressed to his chest awkwardly but so comfortable at the same time, melting in his embrace.

“Why should I give you a kiss?”

His eyebrows lift, shiny teeth cracking through his smile, “because I know you want to.”

Your clit pulses, core clenching incessantly as he continues to undress you with his sinful gaze. But again, you’re doing the same – wishing you could feel his heated, bare body on yours. That’s all you’ve been thinking about after that night. Since all you saw was his dick. The main part – but there’s so much more you want to see. Want to taste.

“You said you’ve been thinking of me,” he purrs, cupid’s bow grazing your own, having your eyelashes flutter, “what have you been thinking about?”

“What we did…the other night.”

“Yeah? What else?”

Your gaze drops to his lips, thighs tensing when you remember the filthy things he did to you.

“Oh,” he grins, the hand that was on your waist lowering to grab a handful of your ass, “I bet you couldn’t stop thinking of that, huh? I bet you got so needy you couldn’t help but play with that pretty pussy.”

You nod weakly, gasping when he pinches your ass, “mhm.”

“Really?” He laughs wickedly, head cocking to the side, “tell me, how many times did you cum since that night?”

Shaking your head, you mumble out ‘I lost count,’ watching as awe sparks in his eyes, both hands grabbing at your ass now.

“How did you make yourself c—” he groans, eyes falling shut as he inhales a deep breath, pupils blown out once his eyes reopen “—I’m gonna be home all day. Alone. You can come over and maybe…we can talk about that kiss? Hm?”

“Okay,” you smile, palms lying flat against his padded chest, “your parents’ house?”

“No, my apartment. I’ll text you the address, okay?”

Hearing footsteps just outside your door, you send him a panicked look.

“Okay, I think you should go now,” you say begrudgingly, feeling up his chest.

He nods, making a move toward your door, then slowly spinning around to face you again, bending over to leave a peck on your cheek, one that has your whole face heating.

“See you later—” he gestures to your legs with his eyes, tongue wetting his lips “—wear that skirt when you come over.”

“O—kay.”

The door slams behind him as he leaves you in a state of confusion - panties drenched in your own slick.

After five minutes, you stand at the balcony door again to watch as they leave, hearing your phone vibrate on your dresser. Grinning to yourself, you save his number, excitement building as you think of what could happen after you two talk.

Despite how your fingers itch with nerves, your shoulders feel a bit lighter. After finding out that it wasn’t just a one-time thing with Jimin. You don’t know what you expected, but you know it would’ve been incredibly awkward if you just went on with your days, seeing each other now and again whenever he would come over, without addressing what happened that night.

But you know Jimin isn’t that type of guy. He wouldn’t act as if nothing happened, knowing that it was an experience for you since it was your first.

That’s why you’re driving over to his apartment, after mentally and physically preparing yourself for what might happen tonight. Things went so far with you, and it’s not like you’ve been ‘saving yourself’ for marriage or anything like that. You just haven’t found the right guy. Since you’ve been focusing on yourself and your career these past few years.

Maybe Jimin could be the guy you were looking for – the one who would be able to satisfy your needs without wanting anything more.

You’d just have to be careful of that silly crush you had on him in the past.

‘You have reached your destination.’

The parking lot next to his apartment building is packed, so you had to park across the road, adjusting your bag on your shoulder as you jog over to the front doors. There’s a small booth to the side of the glass double doors, a burly man wearing uniform sat inside.

You’re wondering why Jimin isn’t staying over at his parents’ house if he’s just down for the holidays. Or maybe he’s not…just down for the holidays. Maybe he has an apartment in this swanky building because he’s choosing to work here. Back home. Forever.

“How can I help you?”

The sulky man sitting inside the booth calls with a slightly annoyed tone, gesturing for you to step closer.

There’s a bunch of buttons behind him, each with a different number tagged next to it.

“I’m…here for Park Jimin.”

He doesn’t blink, pitch black eyes boring into your soul.

“What number?”

“Err—” you pull out your phone from your purse, seeing that Jimin didn’t provide you with a number but just the location of the building. Chuckling sheepishly, you shake your head, “he didn’t give me a number. I’m Park Jimin’s guest.”

Just then, a couple, giggling and skipping, make their way over to the booth, completely disregarding your presence as they lean on the mini counter outside the booth to speak to the guard.

“Buzz us in.”

Surprisingly, a smile splits his face as he spins around and presses one of the buttons with his thumb. A loud beeping sound following the soft whoosh as the glass doors swing open.

You huff, “can you buzz me in?”

His smile has disappeared, lips in a frown

Cursing internally, you shoot Jimin a quick, irritated text.

His reply is instant, and the doors swing open just as he responds. Sending the guard a smug look, you saunter into the building, finding an elevator just behind the reception area. Jimin sends you another text, informing you that his room is on the highest floor. Room 13.

The ritzy interior goes from the chandeliers to the wallpaper down to the carpets. The scent of sandalwood follows you as you pad across the plush floors, coming to an abrupt stop when you find his apartment at the end of the hall, a large window to the corner of his door giving you the perfect view of the city, the sky a pale blue, bleeding into black.

Your attention is brought to the door when you hear shuffling on the other side, gold lettering glinting in the low lighting as the door creaks open. Revealing Jimin, boyish smile tilting one side of his mouth.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” you mumble, annoyance replaced with thrill.

He steps to the side of the door, gesturing for you to enter, “come on in. Nice car.”

“Thanks,” you reply, holding up your car keys, “was a birthday gift.”

Hovering about the entrance, you kick off your shoes and wait for him to guide you further into his home. The quaint space so…Jimin. Cosy and warm. You plop down on the white couch he has situated opposite a TV set, curtains drawn, and magazines scattered across the coffee table.

“That’s just for decoration,” he chuckles, scratching the back of his head as he adjusts the corners of the magazines to be in line with each other, “do you want anything to eat? Drink?”

“No thanks,” you smile, waiting for him to sit down next to you. But he doesn’t, instead holding your gaze, arms folded.

He’s wearing a white, long-sleeved shirt now, hugging his body in all the right places. His attire complementing the rest of his home.

“I’ll be right back,” he announces, turning on his heel as he disappears around the feature wall painted in a dark, mysterious blue. But what catches your eye is the markings on his neck. The tattoo – breath stalling in your lungs.

A crescent moon. Right at the center of his neck. You need a better look at it. How did you not see it before?

He returns holding a pair of white sandals, dropping it at your feet before sitting down on the couch with his knee brushing yours.

“It’s cold, wear those.”

You’re wearing stockings, the pale pink fabric coming right above your knee, but you slip on the shoes without protest, thanking him.

“What is it you wanted to talk about?”

You snort, turning to look at him with your hands slotted between your knees, “you invited me over.”

He rubs his bottom lip with his index finger, elbow propped up on the backrest as he laughs.

“Right…we were supposed to talk about what happened,” he sighs, folding one leg under his thigh.

You refocus on the white bow sitting at the hem of your stockings, nodding slowly.

“Listen,” he begins, scooting closer to you so his hand rests on yours, “I’m cool with it if you’re cool with it…but I’m really not in the right mindset for a relationship right now.”

Spluttering, you can’t help the laugh that bubbles out of your lips, the serious expression he’s sporting so hilarious.

“Who said anything about a relationship?” You giggle, holding a hand over your mouth as you watch him join in your laughter.

“Oh,” he snorts, moving away slowly, “I’m an idiot. I just thought…”

“You thought what?”

He gives a one shoulder shrug, poking at the button on his pants, “I just thought that what happened between us that night would…mean something else for you. Since it was your first and all.”

“Jimin,” you snigger, reaching for his hand, “it’s really not that deep. I wasn’t gonna wait for the one to do any of that.”

His lips part in an ‘o,’ eyes going wide.

“I thought you were.”

“No,” you scoff, “what made you think that?”

He rakes a hand through his blond hair, shrugging again, “I guess…I got that idea since you waited so long.”

“I only waited that long because I didn’t want to mess around with any of the idiots on campus," you deadpan, “or worse…Doc’s friends.”

He smirks, “I was Doc’s friend.”

“Well, you’re an exception,” you blurt, seeing his smirk go even wider.

“I’m an exception, how?”

“I-I don’t know,” you mumble, eyes on your stockings again. But you do know, you felt comfortable around him. And you allowed yourself to go that far because you once had a crush on him. At least that’s what you think it is.

He hums, reaching over the armrest to grab his vape and place it between his pink lips, a cloud of airy smoke puffing out of his lips along with that same cherry fragrance, all while holding eye contact. Finally, he releases you from his stare, looking over to the window which has you noticing another tattoo behind his ear – and another on his wrist when he lifts the vape pen up to his mouth again.

“So what you wanna do?”

You know exactly what you wanna do. You want to stick your tongue down his throat and let him fuck you.

“I don’t know.”

He narrows his eyes at you, setting down his vape before patting his thigh twice as he manspreads, crotch jerking upward.

“Come here.”

Your heart sinks to your pussy, beating like a drum.

“T-There?”

He grins, cheeks puffing out as he smiles, “yes, here. On my lap.”

Hesitantly, you leave your bag on the coffee table and move an inch closer to him, heart racing.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“No,” you mutter, resting your hands on his shoulders, “I want to.”

Once you’re sat on his lap, legs resting on either side of his thighs, you move your palms further down his chest sneakily, getting a feel of his toned abs under the thin material of his shirt. You chance a glance at his face, finding his eyes on you – watching intently.

His chest undulates beneath your touch, lips snagged between his teeth before he finally cups the back of your neck and brings your face lower to meet his lips. Your eyes slip shut, moaning into his mouth as he locks your lips with his, tongue swiping out as a silent request. Parting your lips, you feel yourself gush as the wet muscle swirls around your own, shifting on his lap when he cups your ass in one hand, moving his head this way and that to deepen the kiss.

Your lungs burn for air, but you can’t bring yourself to pull away from the intoxicating taste of his lips, drunk of each graze, each suckle, each nip he gives your lips.

He moves away slightly, and you think you can catch your breath – but his kisses trail downward, you tremble as his tongue darts out to caress that sweet spot under your ear, teeth joining the mix to have you sigh out his name.

All you hear is the loud smacks of his lips against your skin, captured by the delicious sensation. Then you feel his hands come to the front of your blouse, eyes flying open when he begins to undo the buttons from the top.

“Jimin,” you call breathlessly, thoughts dwindling to halt at one. What if he doesn’t like the way your body looks? What if he gets turned off after seeing you naked?

Pushing him back slowly, you expect to find him mad, or annoyed. But there’s none of that, he looks just as crazy as before, bulge pressing into your knee when you sit back. He eyes the sliver of skin poking out from the buttons he had opened, white bra peeking out.

“I’m sorry did I—”

“No, no,” you object, voice small and uncertain, “you’re good. I’m good. I just…don’t—” You struggle with your words, but he nods it off, grabbing your hands to place them back on his chest.

“It’s okay. We’ll just go with what you’re comfortable with, hm? Do you want to stop?”

You nibble on your bottom lip, shaking your head timidly.

His grin is back, eyes sparkling with mischief, “okay, I have an idea.”

Taking hold of your waist, he lifts you swiftly and readjusts your position on his lap. You go willingly, realizing what idea he was talking about when your skirt fans out behind you and his thigh presses into your clit, the sudden pressure having you fall forward onto him.

“That okay?” His voice is gruff, just above a whisper, lips kissing the shell of your ear as you press your forehead to his shoulder.

“Mhm.”

“I want to hear you, princess.”

A gasp tumbles from your lips when he rocks your hips forward with the hold he has on your waist, thigh flexing under your swollen clit.

“Yes.”

“Tell me if I should stop.”

“No,” you whine, leaning back to speak against his lips, “don’t stop. Feels so good.”

“I couldn’t stop even if I wanted to princess,” he husks, teeth snagging on your bottom lip, “you sound so fucking sweet.”

You’re spurred on by the rasp in his voice, capturing his lips in a fervent kiss as you follow his rhythm, grinding your clit against his thigh shamelessly. He tastes every inch of your mouth, guiding your hips with one hand while the other travels up to your neck, tilting your head whichever way he likes as he ravages your mouth.

“So fucking pretty grinding on me like this, have you thought of this, hm? Grinding on my thigh to make yourself cum?”

You shake your head, the idea so fresh and…nasty to you.

“You haven’t? Fuck,” he speaks through gritted teeth, lifting the hem of your skirt up slowly to take a peek under while you’re fucking on his thigh, pussy soaking through your panties and his pants, “does it feel good? I bet it does, you’re fucking dripping. Ruining my pants.”

“Jimin,” you moan, moving upward which has your knee pressing into the side of his clothed cock, hearing him groan as you rut into his thigh.

“Shit,” he growls, eyes half-lidded as he bounces his thigh, the sensation hurling you closer to the edge. You roll your hips faster, clit pressing into his skin deliciously as he buries his face in your neck and cradles you to him, his cock twitching in its confines.

The coil tightens in your lower belly, tumescent clit rubbing up against him as you throw your head back when he sinks his teeth into your flesh, suckling and nipping at the skin just below your collarbone.

“I-I’m gonna cum,” you shudder, thighs quaking around him as you slide your hips back and forth, body erupting in a wave of goosebumps.

He bounces his leg faster, fingers buried in your hair as your nipples poke through the thin fabric of your bra, rubbing up against his chest.

“Fuck, you’re gonna cum all over my thigh? Hm? Get me nice and messy? Cum for me, princess.”

The euphoric sensations, coupled with his dirty mouth covering yours all tips you over the edge, eyes rolling back as your head lolls forward then back, lips parted in a silent moan – cumming with a trembling sigh. He kisses up the column of your throat, helping you ride out your high before you begin to twitch and quake, wrapping your arms around him to plant another feverish kiss on his doll lips.

He helps you off his lap, fingers pressing into your thigh as he sits up and pulls down the zipper on his pants, taking out his thick, veiny cock. You watch in awe as he spits into his palm, eyebrows furrowed when he begins to stroke his cock at a fast pace, rolling his hand around the tip before sliding back to the base.

“___,” he moans weakly, thumb digging into your calf through your stocking, “let me see that wet pussy.”

You can’t look away from his girthy, weeping cock, licking your lips as you see a translucent pearl bead at the top.

Another thing you’ve been thinking about is how you can return the favor, give him the suck of his life. Of course, you’ve never done if before – but you’ve read enough erotica to know exactly how it goes, right? What could be more detailed than that?

Maybe you can add your own twist to it.

Inhaling a deep breath, you comb your hair over your shoulder and sink down to the floor, gaze latched onto his as you sit between his legs.

“Fuck, you sure?”

You nod, that thick, opiating scent of his a lot stronger from this angle.

“I’m sure.”

He nods, hiding his excitement poorly, “okay—” he jerks forward, resting his sticky hands on his thighs. His cock springs up, hitting his shirt before you wrap your fingers around the base slowly. You watch as he slides the beige rug toward you with his socked foot, gesturing for you stand up so he can place it under your knees.

You wet your lips again, guiding his hot and heavy cock to your mouth as he caresses the back of your head, moving closer to you.

“Don’t take more than you can hand—oh FUCK!”

Jaw unhinging, you wrap your lips around the tip and push forward, gagging when the dark mushroom head hits the back of your throat.

“Princess,” he pants, Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows, “go easy, okay? You don’t have to take it all. Just…put your mouth on the tip for now, hold it here.”

You grab the base again, lips hovering over the sticky tip, “like this?”

“Yes, that’s it.”

Mimicking his movements from earlier, you slide your palm up and down his shaft, lips suctioning around his tip, tongue darting out to flick his frenulum, all while keeping your eyes on him. Heavenly sounds slipping from his lips with each stroke.

“Fucking hell,” his voice strains, gasping as you begin to twist your palm from root to tip, stopping at the area your mouth doesn’t cover, “so fucking good.”

His head hangs from his shoulders, eyes opening a crack.

“Faster.”

Eager to please, you follow his instructions and move your hand faster, bobbing your head over the tip to feel your own spit leak down the sides of your mouth, veins twitching in your hold. You split the tip with your tongue, doing it again and again because you love his reaction, how he can’t help but push his cock further into your mouth by snapping his hips.

Despite the way your jaw begins to burn, you tilt your head to the side and suckle harder, eyes falling shut before you hear a loud whine of your name, tip of his cock pressed into your cheek as he sits at the edge of the couch, expression contorted by pure bliss.

“Gonna cum,” he grits out, fucking your mouth lightly, “where?”

You hold the base with both hands, creating a tight tunnel for him to fuck into as you roll out your tongue and rest the leaking tip there. He grunts, throwing his head back as he flexes his hips rapidly, moaning as thick, hot ropes of cum hit your tongue and throat.

The taste comes after you close your mouth and swallow it all – a little bitter and earthy. But his reaction is worth it, enraptured by the way you drink up his cum.

He pulls you back onto his lap by your elbow, pressing his lips to yours tiredly as you both catch your breath.

“Sure that was your first time?”

You smack his shoulder, rolling your eyes despite the way you blush at his words. Scrunching your face up when he goes in to give you an open-mouthed kiss, you move away, hardly enjoying the aftertaste.

“Where’s the bathroom?”

He points down the hallway, “first door on your right.”

On shaky legs, you make your way to the bathroom. Cleaning yourself up quickly then gargling your mouth and washing your face – your own reflection scaring you. You only realize that you teared a bit when you see a single streak of mascara on your left cheek.

“In here,” Jimin calls from the kitchen once you leave the bathroom, finding him scooping ice cream into two bowls. “Here.”

He slides one of the dark blue bowls in your direction, pink chunks dotting the lighter pink ice cream.

“Thank you,” you beam, sitting down on one of the stools as he does the same, right next to you.

Silence settles between you, the clank of your spoons hitting your bowls as you finish your dessert being the only sound in the kitchen, along with the refrigerator whirring in the background.

“So what do you think?” He says finally, licking the last bit of ice cream off his spoon.

You turn to him, “what do I think about what?”

“You know,” he winks, fingers dancing across your neck, “having some fun this summer. We are gonna be working together anyway.”

“Oh,” you chuckle, “right.”

You pretend to think…despite having your answer ready and he seems to know you’re only pretending too, grinning devilishly.

“Okay.”

His grin spreads wider, earrings shaking with his head as he nods, “cool…But uhh, you can’t tell anyone. It should be our secret.”

You scoff, “of course I won’t.”

Rising from the stool, you stack his bowl into yours and walk toward the sink – when a loud smack resounds in the kitchen, a stinging sensation rippling in your left ass cheek.

“Hey!” You scold, turning around to throw Jimin a peeved look, even though you liked it. Very much.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” he exclaims, eyes wide with fake innocence, “did you not like that?”

You clear your throat, rinsing your hands with your back facing him, “I did.”

He’s suddenly behind you, breath hitting your ear.

“I know.”

so so? did you like it ?! please do let me know what you think! i’d love to hear from you ✉️♡

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[duskyopal]

Under The Stars

᪥ pairing: levi ackerman x fem reader

᪥ word count: 6.5k

᪥ synopsis: levi returns to the underground, only to see a familiar face.

᪥ tags: 18+, angst, fluff, smut, slight gore, ex lovers, mentions of prostitution

Year 844

"Y/N, love, I can’t feel my arm."

You awaken slowly, eyes adjusting to the dark room around. The underground never saw the light of day, so the room was hardly illuminated despite it being morning. Turning your head, you see Levi, gazing down at you with a slight look of discomfort. You remember his words that awoke you and shift upwards, allowing him to release himself from the embrace . He stretches his arm out and groans, tensing his form; you watch him from below, godlike in his every movement. His raven locks are messy and scattered over his forehead, his steely eyes are puffed a little as he lies shirtless in your bed. His torso is well chiseled, both from his agility and the malnourishment prominent in the underground. Levi peers down at you, running his slender fingers along your cheekbone and watching the way your eyes flutter at his touch, "Good morning,"  he murmurs, lowering himself to kiss your forehead softly, "How did you sleep?".

You nuzzle your head against his shoulder, planting a kiss on the warm, pale skin. Remembering the night before, how passionately he had held you while the two of you made love. It makes you blush softly, the memories of the night flooding back to you, "I slept well." You mumble, still hiding your face against him. Levi holds back and grin and holds you to him, "I should hope so, I certainly tired you out enough." His voice is laced with suggestion and a little lower than usual, a little husky from just waking up.

Levi can feel your face burning with embarrassment against his skin, the heat making the grin break through as he looks down at you. Pulling you on top of him so you’re straddling his waist, he pulls a strand of hair from your blushing face and looking at you lovingly, "You don’t need to be embarrassed, Y/N.” Levi brings his face slowly to yours as his fingers caress to your cheek, “I love you." He presses his lips to yours softly, holding your hand and rubbing his fingers against yours, when he pulls away, you finally utter, "I love you Levi."

The two of you had been incredibly close since you were children, the son of a prostitute and the daughter of a thief. Yet over the last few years, you both had become much more, intimate. Falling in love had been simple, it was the only remotely easy thing about your lives. Never had one of you asked the other to be in a relationship, you just was. The way you lived lived was harsh and brutal, neither of you had time to worry about the insecurities of labelling yourselves.

Levi just sits and holds you for a long time, you spent every morning like this, just embracing each other. The conditions the two of you experienced had given you both a harsh frontier, but alone the two of you were quite the opposite; Levi especially craved to touch you every second he could. His hands trailed up and down your back, drawing circles down your spine as he repeatedly kissed your hair, murmuring sweet nothings into your ear.

The calm atmosphere diminished somewhat when there’s was a knock at your door, followed by some familiar voices.

"Big bro, are you in there?"

"Hey Levi!"

Isobel and Farlan, Levi’s bestest friends. Of course, they liked you a lot, accepted you as Levi’s significant other; but you would never be as close to them as Levi was. It didn’t bother you, it made you happy that Levi had his friends as well as you, after being orphaned, Levi needed as much family as he could get. You expected Levi to push you off him but he didn’t move a muscle, just holding you to him, "Come in." There was no need to get up and unlock the door, the two of you lived in a one room flat, the lock had been broken off long before you had moved in. Despite its dingy aesthetic, the room was spotless, Levi’s obsession with cleanliness had been some sort of reaction to the living conditions you’d encountered growing up. You didn’t complain, not once had the room been unclean since Levi had moved in.

The two of them burst in, their chattering stopping abruptly when they see the way Levi is holding you. He doesn’t budge, something made him not want to let go this morning.

"So? What is it?" He asks, Isobel’s mouth is slightly agape as Farlan gives her a slight nudge, furrowing his brows at her, "Erm Levi, we’ve got some things to do, if you remember?" Farlan speaks quickly and you see Levi"s eye widen a little before he nods. He hadn’t told you he had plans, and Farlan’s cryptic manner suggested he had hid it for a reason. You look at him questioningly but his eyes stay on the others, his gaze telling them to leave. "I’ll meet you outside in a minute."

You hear them turn on their feet and the door open, "See ya later Y/N! It was nice seeing you!" Isobel calls and Farlan adds, "Yeah, see you!".

Levi plants his lips on your cheek briefly before lifting you off him, standing silently and gathering his clothes. You watch him quizzically, his demeanour had changed entirely and you found yourself growing worries, "Where are you going?".

"And why do I have to tell you?"

You just look at him, your expression suggesting to him that he knows exactly why.

"We have something to do, it’s risky - but I"ll come back to you later, I promise."

You get up from the bed and hold him, deciding not to push for further questions as he most likely wouldn’t budge anymore than he already has. Levi puts him arms out as you near him and you hold him close to you, "How can you be so sure?" You utter, your voice barely a whisper. Levi kisses you passionately as he holds your face to this, wondering why he felt quite so uneasy himself. Your mouths work together hungrily as his tongue slips into your mouth, savouring you. After a few minutes he pulls away and he smiles, uttering a breathless, "I always do come back, don"t I?" You nod, he was right; but just as he was about to leave, you couldn’t help but be overwhelmed with dread, something didn’t feel right. Levi felt it too and as he stepped through the door, he turned on his heels, his eyes on yours sharply. "I love you, Y/N,".

And with that he left, and you hadn’t seen him since. It had been five years since that morning, it hurt unbearably at first, you were left alone again in your cruel world. It took you a while but you got yourself back together, finding yourself a job at a brothel, which although not desirable, was very common in the underground. The boss had took a particular liking to you, which was both a good and a bad thing, it meant you got payed a little more than the others, but it also meant he desired your company, it was hard but that was life; you had to survive. You’d found yourself a new friendship group as Isobel and Farlan had disappeared with him. You often had nightmares about what could’ve happened to them, were they dead? Captured? Or did they just leave you? These questions swarmed your mind for years.

Year 849

"Levi, we’re not far from the Underground now, you should take the lead from here. You know this place better than I do." Erwin commanded, gesturing for Levi to take charge and he did, riding in-front of the others.

He speaks loudly, facing straight ahead as he addresses the group, "The people here aren’t like you spoiled little shits. They don’t care if they die, they don"t care if they live- surviving is all they’re out to do, tougher than you can imagine. Every one of you needs to have you wits about you on the mission, we’re infiltrating a brothel, the owner has been wanted for some time for dealing arms from the underground to criminals up above. Focus on that and we’ll all get out, alive."

It was the first time Levi had been back to the underground since that day. Way back then, he had been caught by the Survey Corps and made to fight for them, at first he was reluctant of course, but when he lost his friends, everything changed. He found giving his life a sense of purpose; now a Captain, and Humanity’s Strongest soldier. At first, he struggled to live without you, every night he longed for you, for your touch and company. Levi had planned to return for you, but after witnessing so much death, so much terror, he decided it would be better to leave you down below; unable to stand the thought of losing you to the monsters that took his friends. Levi still thought about you, of course, but had a completely different life now and his focuses had to remain elsewhere. Levi would never love another woman though, he knew that and had accepted it the minute he was taken from the Underground, all that plagued his mind was his promise to you, he said he’d come back.

He shakes the thoughts from his head as they near the entrance; attempting to control the anxiety brewing in his gut, what if he saw you? Unlikely, the chances of seeing you were slim, after all, the underground was huge and densely populated.

Levi and the others dismount their horses and enter, checking their gear and getting in formation. Erwin sets a hand on Levi’s shoulder, speaking low so no one can hear, "Thank you for coming Levi, I know this must be… Difficult."

The Captain just nods, he didn’t see himself coming back down here ever again, but Erwin needed his help; Levi was the only one who knew he was around the place. He continued, leaving Erwin behind him as he entered, once he had disappeared from sight, the rest followed.

After what felt like hours they had managed to locate the brothel, Levi and Erwin entered alone, the rest of the men waiting around outside, hidden in the shadows. At the desk is a young girl, her smile pretty but her eyes dead. "How can I help you two fine Gentleman?" She purrs, flitting her gaze between the two men.

Erwin steps forward, nodding towards the woman as he begins, "We need to speak with your boss, Ma’am." He"s polite but stern, placing a coin on the table and pushing it towards her with a half smile. "For your troubles." The girl looks at the two men quizzically before shrugging, deciding the matter about to unfold was none of her business, "Top floor, first floor on the left, the stairs are just down there. Enjoy yourself."

With that, the two men paced upstairs, silent as they went. They hadn’t expected for it to be quite so easy, but they understood that the girl at the desk most likely didn’t care what happened to her boss. As they neared the room, they both looked at each other, withdrawing their weapons quietly before Levi kicked down the door.

Inside was a man, holding a partially dressed woman against the wall forcefully, his filthy hands roaming her as she looked away. Erwin closed in, eyes set on the large creature of a man before him, "Tobias Strauss, let go of that woman and turn around. I am Erwin Smith, this beside me is Levi Ackerman, we’re here from the Survey Corps and we are taking you into our custody." With this, the man turns towards them properly, Levi’s vision is set on him, waiting for him to make a move. He doesn"t notice the woman drop to the floor, hugging her frame as she keeps her face hidden. She’s crawling away from the scene towards the back of the room when Tobias grabs the woman as she crawls away, holding her in front of him and putting a knife to her throat.

Shit.

It hits Levi hard, all colour draining from his face as he sees you in front of him. The world around him seems to freeze, twisting his gut in a wretched mix of agony and disbelief. He had left you here and this is what had became of you. Speechless and frozen momentarily, guilt and anger consumed him. How dare this monster lay his hands on you, the sight has the Captain seeing red. This never would’ve happened if he hadn’t left, if he came back like he’d promised. "Sweet Y/N." Tobias growls, "Tell these men to leave or I"ll cut your pretty little throat."

Levi is ready to pounce, every fibre or his being ignited by the sound of your name falling from his lips. Erwin quickly puts his arm over his chest, all too aware of the fact that there was nothing they could do right now without you coming into harms way.

Finally, you look into Levi’s eyes and tears start filling your own; so he had left you, after all the years of wondering, you had your answer. "Please, leave." You choke out and the colour seems to drain from Levi’s face, your weak tone breaking him. Seeing you like this, because of him - it’s too much to process and his body begins to shake. Tobias presses the blade against you harder and draws blood and you wince at the sharp pain.

The second the knifes marked red Levi throws himself towards the man, too quick for Tobias to register as he lunges at him. Throwing you to the floor, Levi stands with his blade to his throat. The image of that monsters hands groping at your skin is burning into his mind, the way you grimaced in pain, the broken nature of your voice when you begged them to leave.

"You filthy piece of shit!" He throws his blade to the ground and hits the man in front of him, beating him when he hits the floor, not in the professional way either; In a brutal, thuggish way. Levi holds the mans collar with one hand while he punches him repeatedly with other. Erwin had never seen Levi so overtaken by rage and neither had you, watching in horror as blood began to pool around Tobias.

"Levi." Erwin warned, hesitantly walking closer to the man. When he didn’t stop, he raised his voice, "Levi!" Levi regained his composure, kicking the man a final time and turning to Erwin, unable to look you in the eyes. "Captain, go and stand outside while I restrain him if you can’t behave." Erwin made his way to a blooded and bruised Tobias and began tying him up.

Levi’s head snaps up, fists shaking by his sides, "Can’t behave Erwin?!" He yells, gesturing to the man on the floor, "He’s a roach, vermin. He deserves to rot and you know it too." He’s still seething, unable to grasp the fact that it’s you lay beside him on the ground, half dressed and bleeding. Levi was embarrassed to stand before you; he was weak, he had left you alone and this was your life, all because of him.

You watched as he seethed with untold anger, he looked similar but very different. Levi’s soft features were harsher and his eyes had lost their light. You noticed his pale skin had gotten a slight tan from being out of the underground, but his hair hadn’t changed a bit. It seemed evident that Levi had left your for a better life and it made your body feel numb, it hurt less when you thought he was dead. It’s all too much to handle, feeling yourself dizzy as a droplet of blood falls from your throat to the ground; then everything goes black.

"She’s passed out," Erwin states as he finishes tying the man up, shooting Levi a quick glance and freezing when he sees the pain in the Captain’s face at his words. Levi’s eyes widen and he rushes to your body. He grabs you without even thinking, holding you in his arms for the first time in so long and nuzzling his head against yours, taking in your scent. It wasn’t yours, it smelled of booze, sweat and cigarettes; it must’ve been Tobias’. He growls lowly and holds you closer, rocking your limp body and whispering that it’s going to be okay. Levi’s aware you’re not dead and that you’ll wake up soon, but he just wants to be close to you while he can, before you wake up and hate him for what he’s done to you. He notices the bruises that line your body and a tears brim his eyes, the only woman he had ever loved was broken because of him.

Erwin was watching Levi the entire time, deeply confused and concerned, who was this woman and what was she to him? "Captain?"

Levi looks up at him briefly, his eyes teary and mad. Levi’s mouth fell open but his words failed him, resorting to just sobbing quietly, pressing his head into yours as he hides from the Commanders gaze.

You awaken in the back of a cart and promptly notice that you’re no longer in the underground. Green grass covered the ground and the sun beamed through the trees, illuminating the valleys before you. You couldn’t deny that it was beautiful, never had you dreamt of anything like it.

The blonde man from before was watching you intently, his thick brows furrowed towards you. You jump up quickly, throwing the blanket off of you and holding up your fists, "Where the fuck are you taking me?" You hissed, Erwin holds his hands out towards you as if to say he means you no harm. "Levi wanted to bring you with us, we’re not going to hurt you, Y/N, Levi told me everything. We’re here to help you.".

Anger courses through your veins, how dare Levi decide your future for you; after everything he’d done he had no right to make this decision for you, "Are you even allowed to do that? To take people from their homes? Their lives?” You can barely believe this, surely this was kidnapping.

His gaze softens and his tone remains calm, "As the Commander of the survey corps and Humanity"s strongest solider, yes; we can," You couldn"t believe it, Levi was humanity"s strongest? Of course he had always been skilled and talented in that way, but to know he had this much potential blew your mind. "I’m sorry if this has caused you dismay, but I promise you will have a better life with us, three meals a day, somewhere to stay, not to mention your safety. I can’t imagine Levi would let any harm come to you..."

The hold on your anger breaks and you can barely contain it, "The reason any harm has come to me is because of that piece of shit! I don’t want him anywhere near me, I don"t even want to hear his stupid name." You throw your hands in the air, voice raising an octave as you glare daggers at the Commander. "I don’t give a damn about your three meals a day, you’ve taken me from my home!"

"The home where you had to sell your body to survive?" A cold voice asks and you turn to see Levi beside the cart on his horse. He’s looking down at you with an eyebrow raised, the man before you is so different to the one you once knew, so authoritative and proper. To think this was the Levi that you fell in love with, you hardly even recognised him. "The home that you once called yours Levi? The person I once knew would laugh at you now, a slave to these upworld folk.”

Levi’s taken back by your comment but he keeps his expression nonchalant and Erwin shoots him a surprised look at the amount of venom in your voice. Levi exhales deeply, ignoring the pain in his chest and he utters a "We’ll talk later," before riding off in front.

Levi couldn’t deny that it hurt him, hearing his own heartbeat pounding in his ears as he rode off. You hated him and he couldn’t blame you. He wonders whether he should’ve left you there but quickly comes to a conclusion; even if you couldn’t stand him and never spoke again, at least you was away from that life.

You had settled into your new room, an excitable brunette named Hange had shown you around, introducing you to people throughout the day and showing you to your room. She told you that Levi had requested you had your own chambers, not to share with the other girls and Erwin happily obliged. It angered you, having him act as if he cares when he had made it very clear that he didn’t. Hange noticed the way your breathing got heavier when she mentioned his name and mentally noted not to bring him up for the rest of the day. Just before she left you alone, you were sure to tell her you wouldn’t be speaking to Levi tonight, despite him stating that you would earlier.

Two weeks had passed since you arrived and you had settled in surprisingly well. Truth be told, you were happier than you’d care to admit; the food was good, the sun felt great on your skin and your room was more than adequate. It was so different to the underground, surviving was easy, except for the Titans of course, but you had proved to be a good soldier. Erwin had made it clear that he was thoroughly impressed with you. Despite your initial thoughts, you quite liked him now, he was compassionate and kind. Erwin had been helping train you after you requested that Levi stayed away from you. This had hurt him the Captain deeply, of course you wasn’t aware, but he had blew at Erwin when he told him.

Somehow, you had become even more mad at Levi since arriving, mainly because you now understood why he had left you, it was so much better here; that’s why he left you there to rot. The two of you would catch eyes occasionally in the dinner hall, he would sit and watch you with a certain sadness to his features. Most of the time you could avoid his gaze but sometimes it was impossible. You’d be lying to yourself if you didn’t admit that there was a part of you that missed him and craved his company. You also couldn’t deny the immense feeling of relief you felt with knowing that Levi was alive. He lived, but you learned from Erwin that Isobel and Farlan had died on their first expedition. It broke your heart and you mourned your younger years spent with the three of them, when everything was hard, but better somehow.

Levi’s eyes were on you now as you ate, you felt him staring into you. He was respecting your wishes, but it was proving hard; Levi wanted nothing more than to tell you how sorry he was for leaving you and make things right. His life had been a bit of a blur since you returned, unable to concentrate or focus on anything but you. He had obscene nightmares about you and that monster, not to mention the obscene jealousy Levi felt knowing that you and the Command spending time together. Levi knew Erwin wouldn’t do such a thing; he was a respectable man and him and Levi were close, but he still hated how he could share your company and Levi couldn’t. He watched as you laughed at a joke that Jean had spat out with his mouth full of food, revolted and sickened. It was nice to see you smile, but not at the hands of these brats. How long would it be before he could speak to you, he doubted he could wait any longer. Watching the way your hair bounced when you laughed made his chest seize and tighten; you were so strong despite what you had been through, so lovely, just not with him. Gods, he needed to speak with you, tonight.

You were stood at your window like most evenings. watching the sky as the clouds pass the stars up above. Since leaving you the underground you had obsessed over the blue above you, gazing at the moon and the, it was breathtaking, The way it glittered amongst the darkness, it’s dark abyss lured you in nightly; you decided you’d happily spend forever sat at that window.

There was a knock at your door, Erwin, you sigh, he would sometimes check in on you before bed to see how you were doing. "Commander, I"m fine. I"m a little busy can you come back tomorrow?"

It’s silent for a second until you hear the person behind the door clear their throat, "It’s me, your Captain." You freeze, this was the first time he had spoken to you directly since you had blew a fuse with him in the cart.

"I’m sorry, who?"

"For fuck sake, it’s Levi. Can I come in or what?"

You contemplate it in your head, speaking to him was daunting but you knew that eventually, you would have to. "Fine, come in." You can’t see but Levi is a little shocked, he honestly wasn’t sure whether you were going to let him in or not. He composes himself, taking a deep breath and rearranging his cravat.

When Levi enters, you notice the way his form has changed. He is still slender of course, but he has filled out in the right places, not looking as unhealthy and gaunt. Levi was undeniably attractive, his presence had changed to a somewhat stronger demeanour, but you didn’t let him intimidate you.

"So, Y/N," He clears his throat, crossing his arms, "I’m finding it quite distracting having you ignore me like this, I understand that you’re angry but-"

"You understand?" You interject, putting a finger out towards him to shush him, "Do you really? Levi, you have no fucking idea. I have been beaten, abused..." You take a deep breath, wanting to look away but you need to watch him, you need to see if he feels anything. He does, he looks broken, his face has gone a grey-ish colour and his mouth is dry, Levi feels as if he could throw up. "Hell, that’s the only way I can describe it. You left me."

Levi can’t speak, the room seems to be spinning a little and he’s struggling to hold his balance. You had every right to hate him, but you needed to know he didn’t choose to leave you. Yes, he could’ve came back for you, but he couldn’t help what happened that day. "Y/N..." He begins, running a hand harshly through his hair in frustration, how had the only person he really cared about experienced so much pain. "I never meant to...It was never my intention to leave you, ever, the Survey Corps captured and arrested me, I had no choice but to join-"

"But now you’re their little lapdog, hmm?"

"Y/N, I know you’re angry, but please let me finish." His eyes are filled with sympathy as he holds his hands out towards you, cocking his head a little as if to question whether he can continue.

You fold your arms and sigh, nodding at him to continue and rolling your eyes. Of course, you were somewhat relieved that Levi hadn’t left you by choice, but it didn"t excuse why he never came back for you.

"I had no choice but to join. Things have changed now, I respect Erwin as my friend and my Commander. At first, I had every intention of coming back to you, but before that I had to- I had to kill him. I was so mad at him for taking me away from you, it consumed me. But then because of my sheer focus on getting him alone...Isobel and Farlan lost their lives. I couldn’t stand to watch you die like them, and I decided that you were better off down there. And I was so wrong Y/N." His eyes brimmed with tears and, "I’m sorry, it’s haunted me all of my these years. It’s haunting me now, knowing what… What has happened and it will forever.” Taking a deep breath, he looks down at his feet as a single tear drops from his eye, I"m so, fucking sorry, I failed you."

It made sense, you couldn’t deny it, and watching Levi break down in-front of you like this hurt. You can’t begin to imagine how he felt after losing his best friends, "Erwin told me about Isobel and Farlan, I’m sorry for that, I’m sorry for them." Your lip quivers as you remember the chirpy duo, thankful you hadn’t been there to see their demise.

"It was so long ago now," He says lowly, wiping his eyes and looking over at you again, "I’m sorry I fucked up Y/N, I wish I could tell them the same." He walked over to you beside the window, still keeping some distance between you both.

You look up at him, noticing the way your heart races every time your eyes meet. "They loved you, Levi, so did I, they would never have blamed you. Even I know that."

"Loved?"

You remain silent, your heart feeling as if it’s about to burst out of your chest. Ignoring his question, much to his dismay, you cock your head to the side, "So, humanity"s strongest huh? Who would’ve known."

He hides his disappointment well, teasing back a little, "Just about anyone who’s ever watched me fight, I would say." His voice rings with a playful tone you hadn’t heard in years; you had missed him and it was nice to be with him.

"Y/N?" He asks softly, looking out of the window.

"Mm hm?"

"Do you think that maybe, one day, you won’t hate me?" His lip quivered for a split second before he takes a deep breath, composing himself again and focusing on the sky.

You thought over his question, watching the stars with him; pondering on how the same stars would’ve been above the two of you when you were younger, before everything went to shit.

"I don’t hate you Levi, I’m just hurt." You state calmly, looking away into the darkness.

A small smile curls at Levi’s lips, your words bringing him more joy and relief than you could ever imagine. "I really have missed you, Y/N." His voice breaks when he says your name and you place your hand on his arm, "I’ve missed you Levi. I’m happy you’re alive."

He shivers at your touch, averting his gaze from the sky to your features, noticing how nicely you had aged. "Are you joking? I can’t die, you know that." Levi sees the way you smile softly and slowly steps closer to you, hesitantly putting his arm around you pulling you to him. You’re reluctant at first, flinching a little at his touch, but slowly you rest the side of your head against his as you look out the window together. You stand there for what feels like forever, watching the sky and feeling each other close. Every now and again, the two of you would forget about everything that had happened over the last few years and everything felt right.

Levi’s murmur broke the silence, "This is nice." He closes his eyes and appreciates the feeling of having you beside him, never in a million years had Levi imagined that a moment like this would happen again. You were his soulmate, the stars aligned for the two of you, even if you could never love him again, he was content with just this.

"I still love you, Levi.” You state it plainly, catching your breath before continuing, “I understand why you did what you did, I forgive you. I’m sorry I was so reluctant to speak with you." Turning so you’re facing him, Levi looks back at you with teary eyes, his lips twinged upwards. "I love you," he whispers, embracing you tightly. Levi wonders if he’s dreaming, floating on air as he feels your warmth against him.

Levi had missed the way you held him, it was so comforting. He remembered the mornings that he had spent with you like this, it felt as if no time had passed at this moment. Everything had gone so wrong since he left you; witnessing so much death, so much sorrow, you were all that was right in his cruel world. Levi cursed himself for being without you for so long, for not coming to save you sooner. "Do you trust me Y/N?" He asks you quietly, his voice a little shaky. You nod, worrying slightly at the nervous edge to his voice.

"Then let me show you how much I’ve missed you."

Shifting your gaze to his, you see he’s looking at you intently, his hand slowly creeping to the back of your head, holding your hair softly. Levi’s eyes shift to your lips as he leans in slowly; he pauses before his lips meet yours, looking up at you with so much love that you melt. His lids flutter closed and his lips touch yours in a soft and gentle kiss. He tastes so good and his nostalgic aroma hits you, filling you with passion. Levi tilts his head to get a better angle, nibbling on your lower lip as his tongue moves against it ever so lightly. Your hands snake into his hair and pull him impossibly closer to you. He deepens the kiss but doesn’t get rough, just heightening the emotions running through you both. Your chests were pressed together and the two of you could feel each other’s heart beats even through the layers of clothing. Although erratic, they were almost in unison; mirroring each other’s passions as you merge into one.

It had been so long since someone had touched you with such care. You craved his loving embrace and found one of your hands moving towards the buttons on his shirt. Levi pauses briefly, opening his eyes with his lips still locked on yours. He looks down at your hands on his chest, groaning at the feeling of your fingers on his bare skin.

Levi’s own hands move to your shirt and begins undoing it, never breaking the kiss as he slips his tongue into your mouth, causing both of your breaths to hitch in your throats. "Gods Y/N, you’ve gotten so beautiful."

The two of you shrugged your shirts off as you finally broke the kiss, watching each other for a few seconds, adoration and lust burning in both your eyes. Levi presses into you forcefully, both of you moaning as his mouth hits yours, pulling down your pants before he picks you up and sets on you the window ledge; pushing his body up against you once more.

"Y/N?" He breathes and unbuttons his trousers, pulling himself out. "I want you. I want to love you, properly again. Please." His voice is barely a whisper as he watches your features for any sign of resistance. You pull his hips closer to you as your reply; causing your naked crotches touch and a gasp to emit from the two of you, him at your wetness and you at his hardness.

"Fuck. Thank you," Levi murmurs before kissing your lips gently, lying you both down and slipping himself into you, groaning at the resistance your tightness gives him. Having him like this again has you seeing stars, relief flooding you having needed him for so long. He begins thrusting in and out slowly, pulling away from your mouth and pressing his forehead against yours, watching your eyes as he begins picking up a steady rhythm, moving his hips against your core gently. Levi wanted to show much he loved you, how much you meant to him, how much he had missed you - he wanted to fuck you like you deserved. He needed you to know how utterly at his knees he was for you, willing to do anything to make up for his mistakes. "I’m so lucky," he moans, feeling himself twitch as you blush at his words.

Levi had never made love to you quite like this, it was so caring. It felt as if nothing else mattered for the first time in what felt like forever. Levi was here, with you, it was like nothing had changed, your life together had only just begun.

His pace quickened slightly and you felt your thighs begin to shiver and your core flush with heat. Levi feels you pulse around him and grits his teeth, knowing that you’re nearing your release. He shifts his hips so he’s thrusting slowing in a somewhat circular motion, rubbing against all the right places, purely for your pleasure. Levi was loving every second; watching as you writhed in pleasure again after all those years ignited a fire inside of him. Your eyes fluttered close and he grips your face a little harder, not enough to hurt you but enough for you to open them again, "I want to watch." Levi commands gently and it sends you over the edge, a mixture of adoration and lust flooding you as your orgasm hits you hard. He watches as your lips part, eyes become glassy and your cheeks flush, your gaze weakening on his as you’re overcome with pleasure. The way you"re looking at him is too much for him an d his own release hits him by surprise, buckling him over into you as he moans out, "Oh Y/N Holy sh- Fuckk." Your lewd noises fill the room as you ride out your orgasms together, never once looking away from each other.

Levi finally closed his eyes, breathing out a long, drawn out breath before chuckling lowly, "Wow."

"Wow." You echo, leaning your head against his and looking up above you at the stars once again. After a few minutes he pulls your chin down to his gently, icy pools staring into you, you were everything to him, he’d never leave your side again. He just watches you for a while, something he had done a lot when the two of you were younger. The years between washed away and all that was left was the two of you, together under the stars.

[matsur1]

A Sanzu Haruchiyo x F!reader ff made for Sanzu Week 2022!

Warnings: Violence, Swearing, Guns, and gunshots [I think that's all but if there are more that I missed, lmk<3]

Word Count: 6.5k

A/n: This is a compilation of the Sanzu Week 2022 series that I wrote!!

Your dad and the Akashi siblings’ dad were good friends even before you all had been birthed into this world. The moment your dad found out Mr. Akashi was having his first child, they both celebrated in joy. 

A few years later, your dad and Mr. Akashi found out that both of them were having children at the same time. Making Mr. Akashi have his second child and you, your dad’s first child.  Just like most moms, the dads also talked about how you guys could be good friends just like them. Mr. Akashi naming his son Haruchiyo and your dad naming you Y/N. 

Now everyone was excited for your birth, but things happened. Your mom is a very busy worker who most of the time can’t come home due to her career meaning your dad does all the mom work. But Mr. Akashi said that his wife, Mrs. Akashi, could help him when he doesn’t know what to do and that both of them would be there to help. 

Of course, as kids you both didn’t remember your times together. Then, Mrs. and Mr. Akashi got news again. Sanzu was having a little sister!! You both were still quite young so you and Haru didn’t really celebrate much. As soon as Senju, Sanzu’s younger sister, was birthed, Sanzu really thought she was beautiful, which she truly is. And you, you also thought she was very gorgeous. Aside from that, it’s like you’re having a sibling of your own too! Since you mostly hangout in the Akashi household. Soon enough, the three of you were starting to grow up so you could see more features of yourselves than before. 

As you grew up, Sanzu made his own friends with Takeomi’s friend’s siblings and started to hang out with them! While Sanzu hangs out with them, you and Senju would usually play dress up. But when you weren’t present, Senju would play with Sanzu and his friends, sometimes picking up their manly accent. 

One day, Takeomi and Sanzu were going to their friend’s household for a meeting and for Sanzu to play with his friends. Then Senju wanted to come with them and invited you to come along. Who were you to say no to meeting new friends and having fun with them, right? Or so you thought.

Senju introduced you to them. “Mikey and Baji, this is our friend, Y/N. She’s a lovely girl and she’s like an older sister to me. Be kind to her just like you are to me!!” Senju warned them. “Y/N, this is Mikey and Baji. They’re very nice and very kind gentlemen!” Senju exclaimed. Sanzu giving everyone a smile, keeping quiet and waiting for the introductions to finish so all of you could play.

After all introductions, everyone decided to finally play but Mikey announced, “Since we have a new friend, today is a special play day!” he spoke with confidence while everyone else tilted their head a bit, showing curiosity and confusion. Mikey went into his room for a minute and went out with something hidden in his hand, hiding it behind his back. “What are you hiding, Mikey?” Baji asked, trying to peak as to what Mikey was hiding. “I have a very cool surprise!! And none of you must touch it except for me,” Mikey said in a serious tone. Everyone’s eyes shone in excitement. 

“Ja-Jan~!” Mikey said in surprise, showing his airplane model that his big bro, Shinichiro, made for him. He told everyone about how long it took Shin to finish which is why no one except him can hold the plane since it holds a special place in his heart. No one would want to see Mikey get mad, right? So none of you dared to touch the plane, everyone only played along with Mikey until you heard Senju scream in excitement that she wants one too but Takeomi, their older sibling, got mad at Senju for using such manly vocabulary which lead to Takeomi blaming Sanzu for it while you just stood there, wanting to do at least something but you were just a kid. A kid who was just like them, unlike Takeomi who basically took care of his siblings and played the father role for them ever since Mr. Akashi had been straying around due to the disappearance of Mrs. Akashi. It does make sense since Sanzu and Senju always hangout, but you still thought that it wasn’t totally Sanzu’s fault because as a kid, and a boy, it’d be normal for him to talk in a manly way which would make Senju pick it up. You felt down on their behalf. 

Later, Sanzu went missing so you went to look for him to comfort him. When you finally spotted him, you were about to shout his name, but you saw him and Senju talking. So, you may or may not have heard the conversation they had. You were shocked but it wasn’t a rare occurrence for siblings to one day “hate” each other because of the nuisance the other is causing. You were an only child, but you always looked at siblings' relationships from afar making you understand different points of view making people think you’re so  “matured” but in the end, you’re still a kid who wanted to enjoy your childhood. 

Moments later, while you and Senju were reading manga, you heard screams. Making you and Senju flinch. You both ran to where the screams were coming from as soon as you could. The moment you arrived there, your eyes widened, heart beating faster than normal and mind blank. All you saw right at the moment was blood coming out of Sanzu’s mouth, blood on Mikey’s hand, and blood all over on the floor. Your breath hitched, not knowing what to do. All you could do was stare and stand there. You couldn’t even think of how Senju was probably so scared, witnessing this scene. “What should I do? What is happening? Why won’t my body move?” clouded your mind. Mind full of questions, you heard voices but your mind couldn’t pick it up well. You assumed Senju felt the same too. 

Soon, Senju left on the verge of tears since Takeomi and Shinichiro told everyone they were going to visit the Shop for a minute, telling everyone should behave well.

Sanzu kept still so you decided to take this as an opportunity to talk to him about things. And it took a while for Sanzu to vent quite a lot of things that’s been bothering him. It all stopped when you heard a thud coming inside, so you asked Sanzu, “Should we check what that thud was?” But Sanzu shook his head no and replied, “You go on ahead, y/n.” You went to check and explored the Sano Household until you saw Senju crying on the floor. Asking what happened, she told you it was nothing but you assumed it was still because of the conflict between her and Sanzu. This time, you comfort Senju and asked her if she wanted to go and read manga since Shinichiro told you to make yourself at home and read some manga or play if you wanted to. 

The moment you finally came back to your senses, all you could think of was to tell anyone. Be it anyone but a kid like you. Could be Shin or Takeomi. So you ran in their household until you found the front gate. You went outside to see if there were any people who could help. Running out of breath, you found some people in the distance so you ran as fast as you could towards them. Until you bumped into them. Ah, it was Shin and Takeomi on their way home. You were running after your breath so you couldn’t tell them as soon as possible. Soon, tears started dripping down to your cheek which made the both of them shocked, asking, “Hey hey, what happened? Are you okay?” Shinichiro softly spoke trying to calm you down. “Did something happen?” Takeomi asked. You couldn’t mutter words at the moment due to the shock kicking in so the least you could do was point at the house and Shinichiro ran towards the house as fast as he could to find out what happened. Then Takeomi was left with you to calm you down. “Hey Kid, calm down, okay? Shin already went there. Whatever it was that happened, it’ll be okay,” you could tell he was trying hard to sound calm but you knew that he was nervous to find out as to what exactly happened. 

Later, Takeomi finally was able to invite you back home. You were still sniffling, holding his hand on the way home. He could tell you were shaking. So much. Then the moment you both came inside the house, you were greeted by everyone in the living room. Mikey being calm and composed while Baji was in shock. Senju crying and Sanzu with bandages on the sides of his mouth and some other parts of his face that Shin put on for him. Shinichiro looked serious. Looking directly at Mikey. It already looked like they were talking about what happened but silence came in when you and Takeomi came back home. 

Takeomi immediately let go of your hand and ran towards Sanzu and Senju. Takeomi was too shocked to say anything else. All he could do was hug Sanzu and Senju. 

Later, everyone had a talk. A long and serious one. Everyone now knew what happened but the reason? Mikey didn’t talk about it. Or should I say, he never talked at all. 

This event truly traumatized you all. After your dad knew about this, he told you to avoid them from now on. It was only sometimes when you’d get to hang out with Sanzu and Senju again. You were isolated inside the house. It left you all alone in your own household. Basically becoming an inside child. It lasted long until you finally became a teenager. Of course, you wondered how everyone was doing now. So you decided to visit the Akashi household. And here you are now, in front of the Akashi household, rethinking your life choices.

You were nervous. Unaware of how they would react. You wanted to turn back and leave but deep down, you missed them. So much. Taking a deep breath, and convincing yourself it’ll be alright, you rang the doorbell. As seconds passed by, the more you felt cold sweat break through. Until finally, the doorknob slowly moved. You felt even more nervous, scared to confront them after years but you swallowed your pride and faced whoever it was behind the door. 

It was Senju. She was all grown up just like you. Senju gasped in surprise. Running into you, hugging you. A few tears dripping from the both of you explained how much you both missed each other without having to speak words. 

“Is this – Is this really you? Y/N?” Senju asked, “You’re all grown up now,” she added. “You’re all grown up too,” wiping the tears off your face. “How have you been???” You replied, “I’ve been doing pretty okay, how about you? And the others?” 

Your conversation went on for a while so Senju decided to invite you inside. You noticed that the house was pretty empty and quiet so you asked Senju in curiosity, “Where are your brothers?” the smile on her face fading away. You tilt your head a little to the side, “If it’s personal then it’s okay –“ you were cut off. “Haru-nii went missing.” She said in despair. You were shocked. Flashbacks of the incident appearing in your head. “E- eh?” you stuttered. “We were all doing okay but one day he- he just disappeared. Everyone did. We all cut off ties,” Senju spoke in a guilty tone. 

You tried to cheer the mood up by switching topics but it didn’t seem to work. Moments later, you just decided to go home and wrap it all up. Thinking where they could all be and why they disappeared all of a sudden. It took a while for you to fall asleep that night. Mind filled with thoughts. But you decided to cope with it just like Senju did. Sometimes, meeting up with her and hanging around the town.

One day, while you were shopping alone, you found a café and decided to settle in there. Ordering a cheesecake and iced coffee. While enjoying your meal, you took a good look outside the streets, admiring how lively the city is. Something caught your attention. Someone, in fact. The person had long lashes and the same hair color that Senju had. You wondered if it were a man or woman. Long pink hair and lashes with a black mask. It looked as if it was Senju’s long-lost sibling, you thought. They had someone beside them, a tall blonde and scary looking man with a weird haircut, no offenses to whoever that was. Then it slipped your mind. 

You ran out of the café as fast as you could, running after them. But the crowd started to block your way. You had no other way than to scream the name you thought it was. “Haruchiyo!!!!!!” You shouted as loud as you could. Soon, people were weirded out by you so they made their way on the side to see who it was you were calling out for. There, in the middle of the side road, was the weird-haircut man and who you assumed to be Haruchiyo. The long-haired person didn’t look back but the tall weird-haircut man did. “You know her?” The tall man asked. Haru finally looked back and realized it was you. His eyes widened, but he kept quiet. You ran towards them and went to Haru, “Haru? Is that really you?” you were trying to catch your breath. Haru, which you assumed it was, could only give the tall man a look and the tall man left. “So it IS you?” you asked once again. “Mm.” You could barely hear those words but you immediately understood. As soon you processed that it really was Haru, you hugged him tightly, him barely hugging back but he patted the small of your back a little. “Let’s go somewhere else, you’re causing a scene in the public,” He finally spoke and used proper words, you thought. 

You found yourselves in the park later on. You wanted to ask him why he disappeared so bad but you thought it’d make the atmosphere uncomfortable again so instead, you asked, “So, what are you doing nowadays?” Haru stood quiet for a minute, “Nothing much.” You groaned, “Yeah and what exactly is ‘nOtHiNg MuCh’?” you mocked him. He turned to seriously look at you in the eye signaling that it wasn’t funny at all. You lightly laughed, “Right right, sorry.” A few minutes passed by, “So what’s Tokyo Manji Gang? You in a gang now?” you innocently asked and read the words written on his shirt. No answers were given, so you answered yourself, “Yes, he is, y/n. Is it not obvious? Oh right whoops my bad. Thought I could talk to someone but looks like that’s not the case right now.” Making him hold back his laugh. He seemed more emotionless now. And quiet. Very quiet. But nonetheless, you still kept talking to him. Because you knew there was still a little Haru deep inside him that always caused trouble. 

“Today, I went to a café. Right before I spotted you. I ordered iced coffee and a cheesecake. It was very delicious! I think you’d like the cheesecake. They’re your favorites, right?” You gave him a big smile. Not knowing you made him shocked because you still remembered his favorite even after a very long time. “One time, I’ll treat you there! Would you like that?” you softly asked. “Yeah, I’d like that a lot,” Sanzu turned to look at you and gave you a sweet smile.

Your heart warmed up at the sight. You really missed the past. How you were all so close, but now it feels as if there was a thick wall growing in between everyone. Still, you were grateful to see Haru once again. After a few moments of silence, Haru told you goodbye saying he needed to go do something so both of you told your goodbyes. You sweetly smiled by yourself while seeing Haru off. When he was finally out of your reach, you remembered. You forgot to at least ask his contact number so you both could keep in contact. That’s when you realized, you fucked up. How are you even supposed to know where he usually is? Or hangs out? How are you both supposed to meet up and eat cheesecake together? What a dumb mistake it was. “Fucking Haru, did he do that on purpose?” You mumbled in anger. Why’d he give you such a sincere smile and accept your offer then? You were so mad at yourself that you could shout right then and there. The opportunity was right in front of you for minutes. Even an HOUR. You left the park and stomped on your way home. 

Returning home, you took a cold shower and dressed up in comfortable clothes. Angrily jumping on top of your bed, you heavily sighed. “Will I ever get to see him again after this?” you asked yourself. Tsk. But knowing that he disappeared even to his own family, you knew he wouldn’t appear in front of you ever again, would he? 

Months passed, every time you go outside and shop, you’d always try to look for Sanzu in the surroundings. Basically low-key looking for him. But you never saw him again after that time at the park. You checked the park, the café and around the place for him or that guy you found him with. But no traces were found. God, you could be a detective just to find Haru. 

And today was another usual day for you to go out in the city and explore – more like find Haru in the fields but alright. You happened to find a pretty formal dress which you assumed you’d probably need one day, so you decided to check the store. It seemed like a formal clothing store. While you were inside, you found someone buying a pink suit that matched the color of his hair. His hair reminded you of Haru but you didn’t think Haru would actually have that kind of style or would style his hair up in a ponytail. And *cough* no offense to Haru or anything - You couldn’t get a clear view of his face since he was turned in the opposite direction that you were facing and you didn’t want to creep him out by making him look at you or calling him out or anything. Sure, last time you did shout in the public because you found Haru but you were 90% sure this man wasn’t Haru. Once again, Haru didn’t have that kind of fashion sense so… you just left it alone. (No offense to him I swear) But that didn’t mean you’d stop looking for him every single day. Well not unless you were hanging out with Senju. She’d surely laugh and probably tease you even if you were just trying to help her out by finding her brother.

You and Senju had decided to do a 3-day overnight in the Akashi household since Senju had been telling you how lonely she’s been feeling lately. You’ve both been doing Movie marathons and skin cares every night and lots of fun stuff that girls normally do on overnights. But on the third day, Senju told you she had to go somewhere in the afternoon. You decided to go out too so you didn’t have to feel too lonely. Looking around some stores, visiting the library, going to a coffee shop, and all those self-loving stuffs that people do. It was dawn so you decided to finally go home, thinking Senju was waiting for you at home. You opened the door, removed your shoes, and yelled, “I’m back!!” but it was still quiet. Was Senju still out? Then you found a note on the fridge, reading, “Heya y/n! I got something to do tonight so you can go on and sleep without me. You don’t have to wait, I’ll be back late. Cook whatever you want, the fridge still has food and some pizza left. Take care<3” Oh? Senju? Out late? You thought it was okay at first since you also went home late at times. 

You cooked some mac n cheese for dinner. You ate alone, house quiet with dim lights. After eating, you decided to get ready for bed. Checking the time, it was 8:09 pm. What’s taking Senju so long? You were genuinely worried for her. You were also scared that you’d lose her just like you lost Haru. And you didn’t want it to happen again so you decide to get into your shoes, lock the house and look for Senju. You ran and ran everywhere. Turning in every direction.

You ran out of breath after running around the town. You found yourself where the train runs. You sat down on one of the benches that train stations usually had. You were trying to catch your breath, wondering if Senju would disappear too. You sat down there for minutes then realized you heard screaming and shouting in the distance. You could barely hear it if you didn’t focus well. You decided to check what was going on. It was quite foggy since it was probably very late. The shouting gets louder and louder as you got closer. Then the fog cleared up, showing hundreds of people fighting. Your heart was beating even faster now. What have you gotten yourself into? You then recognized something. These uniforms, they looked familiar. You take a closer look, trying to avoid catching anyone else’s attention. Oh. There it was. Tokyo Manji Gang was written on these people’s uniforms. There were also ones in white. Is this a massive gang fight? Should I call the police right now? 

You were about to run and call for the police until something caught your eye even more. It was Senju. And she was fighting a… a pink haired man in a ponytail. W… was it Haruchiyo??? They were in the middle of the whole crowd and you didn’t know any other way to get there to stop them without being involved in fighting. But an idea struck your head. You crouched down and tried to go through the crowd. Covering your head while your body kept being kicked and stepped on. Since there were a bunch of unconscious bodies on the ground, people didn’t notice you at all. You crawled and crawled, until you finally reached them, but the time you reached them, Senju was already knocked down on the floor and Haru was missing again. You tried to wake Senju up, but she really was knocked down. You brought her body to the side, away from the riot so she wouldn’t get hurt. Next plan was to find Haru. You looked around to find a pink haired man that should’ve stood out but he was no longer in the crowd. So you decided to walk around the crowd where he could possibly be hiding. You went round and round ‘til you found a train. You didn’t mind it but you saw a shadow inside the train. You decided to check it out if someone was still there, then maybe you could ask for help. 

“Hey!!” You yelled as you made your way in front of the train. The closer you got the more you recognized who it was. “Haru?!?” you shouted. His head took a peak to see who it was. “Y/N?!?!” He was more shocked than you were. “What the fuck are you doing here???” He asked. “No no no, what are YOU doing there???” You pointed at the train. “That’s none of your business. Now get out of here!” He warned you, but you stood there trying to figure out what he’s trying to do. 

Your eyes widened, “Could it be…Haru???” You walked towards him, about to step into the train and stop him. “I said leave!!” He shouted. “I won’t and I don’t want to. Stop this shit Haru!” you yelled back. He let out a ‘tsk’ and finally removing his hands from the train. But then, he reached for the bag behind him, looking like he was searching for something. Then he let out a katana. Eh?- what was he gonna do with that? Don’t tell me – “You leave me no choice, y/n.” He firmly told you. “H-Haru?” you stuttered, slowly stepping back. “I warned you twice, y/n.”

He swung the pommel part of the katana at your head very harshly. It felt like he put all the pressure to hit you in the head. Then pointed the pointy part at the veins of your neck. You were getting unconscious. You felt dizzy and your vision slowly started to go black. Until you felt nothing anymore.

Haru then put his katana back down and brought your body out the train and started continuing what he was doing. You could still hear a bit of things. Someone yelled again, “Sanzu… what are you doing he- Eh?- Who is that???” He was once again interrupted. He was very annoyed now. “No one you need to know.” He paused for a moment. “What the hell are you doing here Kakucho?!”

“It’s just as Takemichi said…”

It was until there that you could hear what they said.

You woke up. Your vision wasn’t clear yet. You felt a severe headache kick in. You were in a hospital room, you assumed. Someone was there beside you, sleeping. Then your vision finally became clear. Oh. It was Senju. “Senju…?” you quietly mumble. She slowly moved her eyes and woke up. Her eyes widened and tears started streaming down her face. “Y/n!” she shouted as she tightly hugged you. “Keep it down a little, will you?” You playfully told her. Your voice still a little hoarse. “It’s been years, how could I keep it down?” She smiled while she sighed, wiping her tears away. Wait – years?--- This time, your eyes were the ones to widen up. “Years…?” you slowly spoke, unaware of what she was saying. “Y/n… you’ve been in a coma for years…” she responded. “I- I’m sorry, if it wasn’t for me you wouldn’t have –“ guilt struck her once again but that was none of your worries right now. “No no no, I-“ you tried to stand up and walk towards the door but the moment you stood up, you fell down to the floor. “Y/n!!” Senju yelled. “Are you okay?” she asked you. But you were once again trying to process things. “The doctor said that when you wake up, you won’t be able to do many things as much as you used to. Because your muscles haven’t been used too well for years. Hold on here, I’ll call the doctor,” She informed you while helping you go back to the bed and rest. 

A few moments later, the doctor came in and informed you about the things you should be doing. The doctor also told you about taking physical therapy. You basically just agreed on everything the doctor had said. 

And there it was, months of physical therapy. You never realized how hard it was to walk. You honestly missed the days you could peacefully walk with ease 🥲 but after months of being in the hospital. Today, you were finally getting discharged. Of course, Senju still helped you on the way home and clean your apartment. She kept insisting that she’d stay the night at least for today but you assured her that you could handle things properly now. 

The next day, you were supposed to look for new clothes since the clothes in your apartment had some permanent stains on it. But then you got lost since the city changed a little. You found yourself in a sidewalk with some open shops and some abandoned buildings. You tried to locate the current place you were in by checking GPS on the phone, but apparently there was no signal. Oh what luck you had today. You heavily sighed as you tried to look around and remember the place. Although there were abandoned buildings, the place was still crowded with people. You simply looked around and sometimes rated people’s outfits out of boredom. Then, someone caught your attention. A light pink haired guy wearing a pink vest and pink suit pants. Your mind rated it a nine out of ten but all of a sudden, you couldn’t get it out of your mind. It lingered at the back of your mind. It felt like a whole déjà vu. You sat down and thought for a whole minute. Then you remembered, right it was that suit you saw at the clothing store, the one who had the same ponytail as the guy at the train incident. The same hair color and shade of pink. What just differed were the hairstyle. Could it be-? You tried to run after him. Again. You didn’t know why you kept running after him, looking for him, and searching for him. It’s not like there was any valid reason for you to do so. Especially after what he did to you. To be honest, all that you wanted was just to see him again. To see his face and that sweet smile he had on his face.

After all, everything was just a déjà vu, wasn’t it? You, always running after him. But who cares? What matters is, you gotta find him and secure his sweet smile from being tainted.

After a few weeks of visiting the same place that you found Haru in, you still haven’t gotten a single trace of him nor have you found him. 

One time, it was 4:00 pm but it started raining and you didn’t bring an umbrella. You decided to find a shelter but the only buildings you could see nearby were abandoned buildings. The rain started pouring heavier so you just went into one that looked stable. It was quite dark in there, making it look like it was nighttime. Finally settling down and trying to dry your clothes, you heard a low and dangerous voice say, “Who’s there?” you flinched at the sudden voice. “I- I was just settling here since it was rainin-“ You heard a gunshot and in instinct, you put your hands up. Your heart started to beat so fast and loud. You almost saw your life flash right before your eyes. “Leave.” The man firmly ordered you. At the same time, thunderclaps got louder, making you flinch even more. 

Seconds of silence until he spoke again, “Tsk. Make sure you stay still then,” 

Minutes went on and you just stood there. You sat down somewhere stable, making yourself comfortable as if no one was there. “You sound like someone I know… but I don’t think they’d handle a gun.” You randomly told the man. You were still scared but, you just felt like sharing it. “I told you to stay still woman.” He fought back. “I am still, I just talked, chill man.” You argued, mocking him a bit. You don’t know either why you talked like that to someone who is probably a criminal but, something about him made you feel comfortable enough to talk back like this to him. Then you heard footsteps, you thought it was the man who held the gun but it turns out it was someone else. “Who is this, Haruchiyo?” another voice boringly said. 

Wait, Haruchiyo?- Was it him after all?- You slowly turned around to take a look at their features.

“I told you not to turn around.” Haru spoke through his teeth.

“Haru…” you softly spoke. He pointed the gun towards you, hesitation clearly showing. His finger, about to pull the trigger. …Bang! 

“Stop, Haruchiyo.” The other man ordered. 

You closed your eyes, thinking you were gonna be shot. But when you opened your eyes, you could see a white-haired man in a black tee, pointing the gun that Haru held downwards, saving you from being shot. 

You heavily sighed in relief, knees dropping down to the floor, and tears flowing like a river. You could hear footsteps grow louder as they get closer. 

The white-haired man raised your chin using his index and thumb finger. Taking a very close look on you while you were sniffling and tearing up. “Tell me your name,” He firmly told you. “Y/N,” you responded. Another tsk being heard from the back. 

“I see. It’s nice meeting you again, Y/N.” He gave you a little smile, letting go of your chin and going back to Haru. He whispered something to Haru, but that was none of your concern. The man knew you? 

“Wait… who are you?” It was your turn to ask. “Mikey.” He answered and went back to whispering something to Haru. A few seconds later, you calmed down. But then... “HAH?!” Haru’s voice echoed in the whole building. Making you curious and you looked at him. He was hiding the blush on his face. Mikey smirked then spoke, “Bye bye.”

“Wait! Boss!!!” Haru once again screamed. But he was too late, Mikey already left. You were clueless, still sitting there. Then Haru turned to give you a cold look so you tried to avoid eye contact. Looking away, he walked towards you. “Stand up. The floor’s dirty.” He spoke, lending you a hand. You slowly turned to look at him and his hand. Accepting his kind offer, you stood up and cleaned the back of your pants. It was still raining hard, so you both decided to watch the busy road through the one-way windows. 

“I’ve been looking for you,” you softly confronted him. “I know,” he replied. “What do you mean by ‘I know’?” you asked. “You think you’re being slick? I’m part of the most criminal gang, let that be known, Y/N.” He spoke in a serious tone. 

You huff, “So you and Mikey do those type of things now? Wow.” 

“This is stupid,” he scoffed. “It isn’t, Haru.” You seriously said. 

“I’m sure you have a reason for doing this. Your actions and you disappearing every single fucking time.” You lightly laughed, “It annoys me and I might come off as crazy for, y’know, still not letting go of a literal wanted guy that’s face hasn’t been seen. But you’re still the same. You and Mikey. You both still have a heart deep down. It’s just hard to search for and to tame.” You slowly turned around, walking towards him, “Your feelings will always need to be understood, Haru. Be it a murderer’s, an assassin’s, or the most wanted criminal gang’s.” You hugged him. “I can’t do anything to save you from your actions anymore but I’d gladly go down with you,” you slowly pat his back. 

Seconds later, you could feel your shoulders get wet. Small sniffles heard on the side of your ear. You laugh it off, “Are you actually crying right now??” 

“No, shut up.” He backed away from the hug, wiping his nose. You gave him a smile, then you noticed that the sun was finally back. Then you were finally able to take a good look at Haruchiyo. “Oh right! I promised to treat you cheesecake, right? Today’s good, yeah?” Not even waiting for his answer you grabbed his wrist and pulled him. You both went to the café that you told Haru about years ago. Thankfully, it was still open ‘til this day.

You went to the cashier and ordered while Haru sat down on a table. “I’d like two cheesecakes please, thank you.” You told the cashier. “Okay, two cheesecakes, is that all?” The cashier asked. You hummed yes as a reply. Then went to the table where Haru sat down. You kept a conversation going on between you two, basically catching up over the years. 

It somehow turned into a serious conversation about what Haru did to you for years, especially the coma part.

“I’m… sorry for everything. I made you suffer over the years –“ you cut him off, holding his hand, “Haru… it’s okay. It hurt a ton of shit but you can suffer the consequences later on.” He painfully laughed, not knowing if he should feel relieved or what. “Actually, I –“ He was cut off once again.

“Here are your cheesecakes!” a worker came up to you two, giving you your orders. “Thank you.” You kindly told the worker as the worker walked away. Haru then started to enjoy his cheesecake, cheeks full. Having a small smile on your face, you started to enjoy your cheesecake as well, forgetting that he was supposed to say something. 

After eating your cheesecakes, you both left the café. The moon was surprisingly showing up. Oh how time passes by so fast. You both were walking to I don’t know where either, until you remembered something, “Oh! Right,” you talked to yourself, Haru got curious and looked at your direction. You were looking for something inside your bag. When you finally found it, you handed a little bag to Haru. “Hm? What’s this?” He asked. “Open it yourself, idiot,” you teased him. He scoffed, slowly opening the bag. It was a necklace of his birthstone. With the name “Haru” engraved to it. “It was supposed to be a birthday gift for you back then but since you kept disappearing, I didn’t have the chance to give it to you. But Happy Birthday Haru!” You gave him a big smile. A sweet smile appearing on his face because you didn't forget his birthday. You were happy to see Haru smile again. “There’s something better that I’d like as a birthday gift though,” he stated.

“Eh?- Do you not like it? I’m sorr –“ he cut you off by grabbing both of your wrists, and placing his forehead on top of yours, “It would’ve been better if I got a kiss from you, y’know?” he slowly blushed but he chose to close his eyes instead. You chuckled, in nervousness and in embarrassment. Did he just- say that?- you asked yourself. “I love you so much. I wasn’t in my right mind when I hit you- I’m really sorry, y/n. I’ve always liked you. But I don’t think you deser-“ 

You kissed him. On the lips. Yes, the real deal kiss. Man, was he lucky. But you were luckier, you thought to yourself. 

The light poles finally turned on, full moon, quiet streets, and him letting go of your wrist, hands travelling down to your waist, holding you tight, kissing you back.

Fin.

© Matsuri

[sugalaritae]

starstruck pt.2

pairing: barista!Taehyung x female reader x unistudent!Yoongi

word count: 6.5k

summary: you first see him at the gym, a place that is both a safe and not-so-safe place. you’re used to gym bros staring at you but you’re not used to the way he stares at you. it’s easy for misunderstandings to happen and you’re eventually going to have to let some walls down.

rating/genre: 18+ fluff, (eventual) smut, angst, reader and yoongi are both queer as hell

banner: thanks to the lovely @introlxv​​ for this beautiful creation! ​

chapter warnings: mentions of fatphobia, masturbation (male), slight objectification (taehyung is a bit obsessed), yoongi is a dick but feels guilty about it, mentions of mental illness and suicide, lots of guilt, and three pov changes

author’s note: this chapter is just a little unedited so i apologize for any mistakes, i will edit it later when i have more energy. i wasn’t going to include the reader’s pov in this chapter but i decided i needed to or else this series is going to be like a million parts long. thank you everyone for your support of the first part. i hope you enjoy this next bit!! © sugalaritae, 2022. you do not have permission to copy, translate, or repost this.

_______________

TAEHYUNG

The first thing Taehyung noticed about you was your confidence.

The first time he saw you was four days before he flashes his smile at you.  He saw you as you walked down the stairs from the cardio machines. Your eyes were glued to your phone, sweat beading down your forehead, and your shirt sticking to your lower back. He watched you pass two guys lifting the free weights as you made you way over to the bench press, one nudged the other and he watched as they whispered about you, his neck went red, and his body got hot as he watched the disrespect. 

Quickly he turned to see if you had noticed but you were wiping everything down and mouthing the words to a song, completely oblivious to the shit going down only a few feet away. You acted as if the whole gym was yours and yours only, the two men fools. He didn't want to stop watching you, but he knew he had to in case you caught him and thought it was he who was mocking or disrespecting your presence. 

He wasn't someone who liked working out. He rarely did it, but he went the next day to try and see if you were there. You were not. 

"I don't know maybe she's going at a different time or maybe it's just not meant to be, I mean you only saw her once," he says, disheartened, his gaze on the small glass of beer in front of him. Beer isn't Taehyung's first choice of beverage, but it was this or tap water. 

"I think I've lost count of how many times I've fallen in lust at the gym," Jungkook says as he finishes his second can of beer and gives Taehyung a lopsided smile. "At least it's getting you to the gym," Jungkook teased. 

As he closed his eyes that night you walked across the screen of his mind. Your hips and ass in those leggings. The sports bra with the zipper on the front. He thought about slowly pulling the zip down and your breasts falling out. 

He pushed his hand beneath the band of his boxers and began to stroke his cock. His thumb slipped over the sensitive tip as he imagined it was your thumb, or better yet your tongue. He thought about you bending over and him slipping your leggings down until they were around your ankles. He thought about pushing into you and fucking you from behind, watching as your breasts moved with each thrust.  He thought about looking down and seeing your beautiful swollen red lips as he slid his cock along them. He thought about slapping your ass and later kissing the marks he had left here. He jerked himself off as he thought about you and your mouth that he had watched so carefully sing along with a song that seemed to be written only for your lips. This was the thought that he got caught on until he felt the pull and tension build up and release against his boxers. He cleaned himself up and set his alarm so he could get to the gym. 

By the third day he was ready to give up. He felt ridiculous and childish going to the gym only to see a woman who hadn't even noticed him. He thought about how stupid he was being when you walked up those stairs and walked to an elliptical only a few feet away from him. 

You looked beautiful in the white tank top. You looked tired but gorgeous. He wanted to smooth down the few hairs that hadn't been caught by your scrunchie. His eyes drifted to your ass as you bent down to pick up the bottle of cleaner. His gaze slipped along the words 'Ivy Park' and he made a mental note to thank Beyoncé for creating something that looked so absolutely wonderful on your body. 

He had slowed his pace on the machine as he had watched you and he realized that he needed to do something and make it less obvious that he was checking you out. In a panic, he got off the machine, stumbling a little, and forgetting to wipe down his machine. He grabbed his water bottle and walked past you. His heart went wild as he turned to you and smiled.

He turned quickly away from your gaze as guilt whispered in his ear reminding him that he had masturbated to you, a woman he had never met. 

Still, he waited to see you again. Wanted to see you again and the way you moved about the gym. How you dominated it. Except like youtube ads, his thoughts and excitement over seeing you again would get rudely interrupted with the thoughts of doubt and insecurity ringing loudly. Unable to skip through them. After about twenty minutes of this constant back and forth, Taehyung gave up. He pushed himself off the bench and grabbed his towel and water bottle and walked out of the gym just as you were walking down the stairs. 

a long shower. the switch of hot to cold water as his body reacted in a way that he didn't want. your face popping into his mind. your ass a perfect picture hung in the gallery. he washed his body trying to ignore all the thoughts and his body's reaction. standing under the cold water desperate for it to cool him off. perhaps, if he got cold enough his brain would just turn off temporarily until he was out of the gym and back home. he felt like a stupid teenager again, unable to control his erections. if he told any of his friends, they would not let him live it down. he was unsure if his own brain would let him live it down. 

Despite everything he managed to dress and pack up all his things. He wondered if he would catch a glimpse of you working out when he passed the glass doors on his way out of the building when instead the two of you collided. His eyes went wide, his eyebrows high as he caught you and his palms felt hot against your body.

he was holding you. 

Sure, maybe it is your shoulders that he caught in his grasp and not your hips like he would hope but it was something right? His insecurities said no. He looked like an idiot just holding your shoulders. 

Except your hands.

Your hands are pressed to his chest. 

He swallows, his face still has concern written on despite his insecurities and the sudden shiver at the realization that your hands are pressed to his body.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

"I'm not sure I want to see it. is it...?" your question gives him pause and for a moment, a frown crosses his face before he realizes what you're talking about.

Your phone!

He heard it hit the ground when your bodies crashed together.  His face relaxes and he tries his best to hide the smile that crosses his face as he separates himself from you and walks over to where the phone is laying upside down on the ground. He fails at hiding his amusement and a chuckle slips out of him. He's convinced you're going to think he's a total asshole now that you've heard him laugh at you. 

He swallows as he picks up the bare phone. No case. Jungkook never uses a case either and he never understands it. It isn't like the guy can afford another phone or like he has enough money to replace the screen or back glass if it falls out of his hand. He can hear Jungkook's voice telling him to ask you for your phone number.

Jungkook would probably use a stupid pickup line like, well, now I've saved your phone least you can do is give me your number in case you drop it again. that has never been Taehyung's style; and yet, he thinks, that line isn't bad. 

He looks at your phone as he picks it up and smiles as he examines it. A few scratches but nothing horrible or noticeable. Maybe those scratches were there before. It's obvious you like playing chance with no case on your phone. 

He turns over the phone to examine the screen and presses the power button on the side. His heart drops a little as he sees the name YOONGI on your screen asking you for coffee. Out for coffee? He's not sure but still, his heart drops a little and he forces a smile. 

"You must be really lucky," he says as he looks at you. This is the first time that he's able to really look at you. You’re sweating and he releases a breath at the same time as you do, which makes him chuckle.

"Thank you," you say, and he hates how nice your voice sounds. 

He thinks about all the things he could say. The line about the phone but if this Yoongi is your boyfriend then he's going to look like a fool. This is why he doesn't use pickup lines. He's not willing to be embarrassed at a place that he kind of likes going to, though really the only reason he's been going is because he's been hoping to see you.

"Boyfriend?" he asks without even thinking about it. The question slips out and he wants to disappear. Why the hell is it any of his business?

"What?" you ask, and he could say never mind. Could tell you that it was a mistake and that he hopes you have a good day and just leave it that, hope for another interaction the next time you're both at the gym at the same time, but instead he asks,"The name, boyfriend?" this is a mistake. His brain is screaming at him telling him to just leave. this is ridiculous.

"No," you answer. 

It's not ridiculous. There's hope. Yoongi isn't your boyfriend. A friend, he's got to just be a friend. 

"Good," he says intending for that to be said in his head, but he hears his voice, and he nods at the complete embarrassment of it. He can feel his neck going red.

"I hope to see you around," he says because he needs to leave and so he does.

Just leaves without a goodbye, without wishing you a good day. That's it. That's the last thing he says, and he closes his eyes as soon as he reaches the top of the stairs. His phone beeps and he sighs. great. He's got a seven-hour shift in front of him where he can mull over this in his head, he's written an entire book to add to his bookshelf of embarrassing moments. 

_______________

YOONGI

He stares at the back of her head, her blonde hair is tangled under her arm, and he thinks about fixing it, even raises his hand to move it but stops as soon as he realizes that if he does then she's going to wake up and he's not entirely ready to deal with her just yet. 

The evening wasn't horrible. He had planned on ending it with her, telling her that it wasn't going to work out and that he needed to spend some time alone since his breakup wasn't too long ago (which wasn't exactly a lie), but then she showed up in a skirt that showed so much leg and he saw a tattoo peak out from under the white material and thought of seeing it and nothing more for the entire dinner. His dick was going to get to get him in trouble one of these days. 

Instead of waking her up he rolls over and glances around his room for a moment, clothes everywhere, that stupid fucking skirt laying on top of his shirt. He groans and his gaze moves to the nightstand. Careful as to not knockdown the pile of books he has on it, he grabs his phone on the top of the pile and winces as the bright light hits him. 

The warning that his battery is about to die pops up and he hits ignore, immediately turning down the brightness before he opens his text messages and clicks on your name. 

Yoongi [7:15]: coffee? 

He knows you're at the gym. He's happy you've found a routine that makes you happy. He watched you go down a slightly destructive road in the last year since your breakup with the asshole Jimin.

He hadn't liked the guy, but he kept his mouth shut. There was something about the guys who were too nice that rubbed him the wrong way. 

"Hmmm" her soft moan hits him and he tenses at the sound. rolling completely on his side he blindly searches for his phone cord.  Just as he finds it and plugs it in, he feels her hands on his back. His back tenses at the freezing temperature of her hands which seems impossible since she either had them tucked under him all night or under her head. 

"Good morning," she greets him with a kiss on his shoulder and he sighs.

"Morning," he says trying to keep his tone even. He should have ended it the night before like he was planning. now he must do it just as she starts her day.

"I had a good time last night," she says softly, her lips brushing against his skin.

 He feels her hand slip over his arm before he sees it in the corner of his eye, black nails pressing into his skin before she begins to drag her hand further down. He wraps his hand around her wrist before she gets to her destination.

"Sorry, I don't have time. I'm having breakfast with a friend," he says and draws a small circle on her wrist with his thumb before he releases her hand and watches as she retreats back against the bed and away from him. 

He sighs. It was never easy to tell someone that he was uninterested in them, even though he knew full well that it was his own doing. He had led her own, just like he had with the others. He needed to start explaining to people what he was looking for instead of finding people on dating apps who were looking for something deeper. 

He needed to stop letting his dick control who he fucked and start using his brain. 

"I really hate to do this first thing in the morning but I don't know if we should keep seeing each other," he says as he shifted to the edge of the bed and sat up.

"Really?" he hears her spit out, her tone frustrated.

"I'm sorry," he apologizes and hoped that this interaction would end quickly. 

There's a silence. He feels the bed shift and knows she's getting up off it. He knows that she's getting herself dressed. His phone dings and he picks it up to look at it. Your text agreeing to coffee but asking for a ride. He smiles, he always puts up a fight when you ask for a ride. The car was supposed to be for emergencies only but he's happy to use it when you ask for a ride. 

Or when he's too lazy or is late for something.

He can hear Lia stumble around and without looking up from his phone he points to the skirt that she is looking for. He doesn't want to look at her as he knows she's glaring at him, and he doesn't want to feel worse for what he's done.

"Thanks for the orgasm, I guess," she snaps, and he hears the hurt in her voice and his shoulder slump forward.

He keeps his eyes fixed on the phone.

"Have a good day," he mumbles before the door is slammed and he can hear Jin's voice greet her for a moment before he hears the front door open and shut. He should have called her an uber or something. 

"She didn't even let me make her breakfast," Jin says through the door and Yoongi sighs.

He's tired of the reputation he has among his friends. He just doesn't know how to figure everything out and how to handle what goes on in his head and to be quite honest he's a little embarrassed by how often his dick thinks for him. He's been told that he's smart, witty, and talented, but then at the end of the day his dick convinces him it's better for him to fuck the pretty girl than get to know her. 

The worst part of it all is that he knows you're going to be disappointed in him and he hates when you look at him with that face. The face that tells him he's fucked up. It's happened too many times and every single time it feels like a slash in his chest. Another little opening that will bleed for a few moments before it closes and leaves a scar to remind him of every single fuck up. 

Yoongi [7:23]: I'm picking you up in 15.

You [7:23]: I'm going to look a mess

Yoongi [7:24]: Don’t care. 

He doesn't care. He's seen you without makeup on, in clothes that you feel too self-conscious to wear outside, and he's watched you move about your apartment like no one else is there and it's always a beautiful sight to behold. 

Yoongi pushes himself up off the bed and over to his dresser where he pulls a clean pair of boxer briefs, ones with little rainbows all over them (a stocking stuffer from last year that you swore wasn't from you because "it would be weird to buy my best friend underwear") and pulls them on just as Jin opens the door. He leans against the door frame, wearing a bright blue pajama set and a cereal bowl in hand. 

"She seemed angry," he greets you with a mouthful of whatever frosted monstrosity he's eating this time.

"St least she thanked me for the orgasms," Yoongi replies, his voice deep and his tone showing just a bit too much of the disappointment he has in himself.

"A positive!" Jin laughs and watches as Yoongi picks up the pair of jeans from the floor and slips into them with ease. "Class?" Jin asks and Yoongi shakes his head.

"Nah, I'm going to pick up ____ and have coffee," he answers as he walks over to the closet and snaps a shirt off one of the hangers ignoring as it swings on the rod and falls into the basket of dirty clothes below. "Tell her that she owes me 20 for the bet from last night," Jin says as he takes another bite of cereal and leaves for his own room.

"Have a good day, Hyung!" Yoongi calls back and receives a small mumble before he hears another door shut. 

The drive to the centre isn't too long but it's colder out than Yoongi thought and his long sleeve shirt and army jacket are not warm enough. The car takes too long to warm up, but he knows that you're not going to be ready in the amount of time that he gave you, so he hopes that the car will warm up by the time that you get out of the gym. 

You're not there waiting on the steps leading up to the centre and he puts the car in park, a spot that's technically not an official parking spot but if anyone complains he'll move the car. 

He pulls his phone out and starts to flip through his emails. His shoulders slumped. He sighs as he reads that the study group is meeting in the afternoon. He had always promised that he would keep things separate but then he had fallen in love with her, and it had been so great until a few months ago when everything came to a screeching halt, and she asked more than he was ready to give. He hadn't been back to the study group because he knew she was going to be there, but he needed to go, Namjoon still had his notes from seminar and he needed those. 

He's thankful that you tap on his window and break him out of the prison of self-pity that he's started to build in his mind. 

"Good work out?" he asks, his chest filling with happiness just at the sight of you. your shampoo overwhelms his senses, and he takes a moment to settle in it as you push your backpack between the seats.

"You rushed me if I look sweaty it's because I showered and got dressed in a hurry!" you say expecting him to say something about your appearance, which he thinks is absolutely ridiculous because he's just happy you're here and he loves when you're barefaced.

"I didn't have any time to actually put on makeup or look presentable," you shoot and just as he's pulling out of the spot you're shifting between the seats, and he looks briefly to watch your body twist around so you can reach for something in your backpack.

He loves watching your hips like this. He smiles as his gaze slithers up your body. "You look beautiful," he lets slip out in a mumble and he wonders for a moment if you're able to hear the compliment but when you hit his shoulder his smile grows, and he knows that you have. 

"Have a good night last night?" you ask, and he looks at you briefly before he looks at the road.

He loves how comfortable you are in his car as if you have part ownership over it. He doesn't love that you've brought up the night before, knowing that you're wanting details about how everything went with Lia.

"Yeah, it wasn't too bad. She was less annoying this time," he replies and looks straight at the road. If he looks at the road and not at you then maybe he can get away with not answering any other questions about how he had to hurt someone's feelings before they had breakfast or coffee.

"If you don't like her, don't go out with her," he hears you reply, and he holds in a little sigh as he thinks about the inevitable conversation that is going to ensue after this sentence leaves your mouth. The words adding to the guilt that already has filled the car like exhaust. 

He wants to say that he's sorry he keeps letting his dick win over his brain and that he's not proud of it. instead, he says, "it's nice to have someone to share a bed with," and he shrugs.

The shrug is the mistake. 

The silence is deafening. The guilt feels like it's going to choke him, and he feels the frustration begin to build up in him. He's not angry with you but himself. He's frustrated that you had to bring Lia up. Frustrated that you had to be interested in what he did with his night, which he knows is a dick thing to be frustrated with. He should be happy and thankful that you love him enough to be curious and that you're genuinely interested in his life. 

"I know you want to say something but it's seven in the fucking morning," the swear is a bit much he knows, but it's too late now. "can you give me until i have at least two cups of coffee?" His tone is softer than when he started, and he hopes that you'll forget about the whole thing by the time you both have had two cups of coffee. Maybe, he thinks, he'll drink them slowly.

He sees you nod, and he nods, "thank you," he says softly. 

The drive continues and he's happy for the silence even though he also would love for you to talk, to tell him about your work out, or if you have classes to go to.

He wants to tell you about how he must see her again after so long and he wants you to comfort him and tell him that he doesn't have to go, that he could just contact Namjoon and get together with him separately so that he could get his notes back. he holds off though, enjoying the silence and he makes a mental note to bring it up when you're at the cafe. 

"Wait!" your voice cuts the silence, and he stiffens just a little. "Was she in bed with you when you texted me?" Not the question that he was hoping you would ask.

"It wasn't like i was going to have breakfast with her," he says as he lets himself fall in on himself as the guilt slips back in around him from the backseat where it has been quietly building.

"Seriously? Yoongi," that's the tone of voice that he didn't want you to take and knew you would as soon as you found out. 

He wants to change the subject, wants this to be over and wants to just tell you that you don't have to scold him because he's mentally self-flagellating himself as you speak. 

"Trin!" he responds hoping the nickname will ease your anger just a little.

"What is it with men and your intense need to prove that you actually conform to the patriarchy," you mumble and he's not sure how he's supposed to respond.

The two of you have had debates about artists and the misogyny in the art and music world, and he knows you're right about so many things. There are things he doesn't know and doesn't notice. Things that are in your face every single day.

“We..." he starts and when you cut him off, he's thankful because he's not entirely sure how he was going to finish that sentence.

"You're better than all that, Yoongi." you say the words that his guilt has been telling him all morning and he winces just a little as the words are spoken out loud and not just in his head.

"I don't know if i can continue to keep my mouth shut about all this shit or keep spending time with you if you keep disrespecting women, even women you deem annoying," your tone tells him you're not lying but it seems hilarious to him that you would end your friendship over something like this. Over someone like Lia. "Right," he chuckles because he doesn't believe you.

"I'm serious," you shoot back and his heart drops in his chest.

He looks at you and sees it in your face, you're serious. You're absolutely serious. You would end everything the two of you have. The guilt builds around him thicker now and he begins to panic just a little. He can't live without you. He has made it through so many difficult moments because you've been there. He has other friends that he could go to but it's always you that he wants in the good and the bad times. You're the one that he thinks about first thing in the morning and usually the last person he thinks of at night even when someone is resting on his chest. 

He doesn't know what to do or say. slowly he peels his hand off the steering wheel and settles it down on your knee. He needs to know that you're there with him now. He needs to remind himself that there is something to lose if he keeps doing this. He can live with losing faith in himself or feeling disappointed in himself, but he cannot live with losing you. 

He gives your knee a little squeeze and lets out small sigh.

He's thankful for the red light and he presses lightly on the break until the car is stopped and then he looks at you because he needs to.

"I promise I will treat them better," he says and gives your knee another squeezes as if he's signing a document with his promise.

"Good," your voice is a whisper, and it hits him square in his chest.

Your skin is beautiful in the soft morning fall light. He wants to close his eyes as you slip a hand into his hair. The feel of your fingertips and nails against his scalp fills him with more happiness than the previous night of constant touching did.

"Anything for you," he says trying to hide the seriousness of his words with a small smirk. He would do anything for you, and it scares him a little. "For them, Yoongi" you correct, and he nods. He knows you're right but it's for you. It will always be for you. 

He moves his hand from your knee, his palm feeling empty until he fills it with his phone, and he goes to the playlist that he's made with your favourite songs and presses play.

He smiles at you as you give his neck a little squeeze and presses the gas. 

_________

YOU

The cafe is a new cafe that you've talked about wanting to try out for a while now. It's been around for almost half a year now and you have kept telling Yoongi that you've wanted to go to it but there are other places, places that you're more comfortable with, that you go to instead. Always putting the trip off. 

It's a little out of the way. Not near your or Yoongi's homes or the university, so it's an actual little car ride to get there. 

You don't want to think about what you must do that day. The work that you have to do. You just want to catch up with Yoongi and you hope that he doesn't have any classes that need to be attended. What sounds perfect to you is just sitting in the cafe, talking, and working on your own things. You like being in his presence and you've missed him, which seems ridiculous since you just saw him a few days ago but there it sits on your chest. 

"Do you have classes?" you ask as he pulls into the parking lot behind the building.

"I have study group," he answers, and you look at him surprised that he's mentioning it. he hasn't gone to one of those since his breakup.

"Are you going to go?" you ask, your surprise showing a bit too much in your tone.

"I don't know," he smiles with a small chuckle obviously amused by your tone but adds a shrug.

"i was thinking of skipping and was wondering if you just want to hang out here all day and do some work," you smile as you unbuckle the seat belt and open the door.

"If they have food, I'm in," he agrees with a smile that shows his gums and you take a deep breath, happy that you get to spend your day with your favourite person. 

The two of you gather your backpacks and things that you'll need for the day, and you slip the backpack over your shoulders. The trees are beautiful with their changing leaves, and you look at him as he walks beside you. 

His tangerine hair is pushed back off his face, his long earrings bouncing with each step he takes. For the first time this morning you notice just how sad he looks, and you sigh.

You meant your threat. You don't like knowing that he's using women to get over her and to forget about things. You know that you would hurt if you had to stop being friends with him, but you wonder just how long it would last. You're not sure if you would be able to stop being friends with him entirely. He's an integral part of your life and you feel a bit like if you didn't have him, you wouldn't have anyone.

 "What?" he asks his forehead wrinkling in the question.

"Nothing. I just love you," you say with a little smile, your tone light. He nods and gives you a little hip bump. He rarely says it back and you're okay with that. 

He holds the door open for you as you get to the cafe, and you smile at him before you look around the cafe. 

Plants soak up the rising sun on the windowsills behind the booths. The bar is set up in the back and you see two baristas behind the espresso machine talking and laughing about something. The place is open and very empty given the time of the day. 

"Where do you want to sit?" you ask knowing full well what his answer is going to be. 

Yoongi points the booth where two walls meet. It's always his safe place, in the back booth or in corners. Something you love about him, and you have learned that there is something comforting and welcome about these tables. 

The two of you pass the pastry case and you can hear the croissants calling your name. You look at Yoongi as if to ask him which seat, he wants and he gives you a little nod giving you permission to take the booth seat and you smile.

"I'll switch you in an hour or two," you promise him as you take your backpack and jacket off and set them down on the booth, fish out your wallet from the front pocket, and turn to the menu that is written on the wall behind the bar.

"What do you want?" you ask, "my treat," and you shoot him a look before he can object. 

He turns and stands beside you, his hands stuffed into his jean pockets. You can smell his cologne or deodorant and for a moment you're very happy that you can't smell Lia on him. 

"Iced Americano," he answers (you should have known) and he turns to his backpack and begins to fiddle with a few things as you make your way to the counter where they have the small iPad set up. 

"Good morning," the barista greets you and you turn your gaze from the menu to the pretty brunette behind the counter. "Good morning," you say with a polite smile.

"What can i get you?" 

You give them your order, ordering two croissants knowing that Yoongi is going to want one too. you open your wallet to grab your credit card when you hear a familiar voice.

"Hey!" 

Your head snaps up, confused by who is greeting you, and there he is. The guy from the gym standing behind the counter right beside the pretty brunette. He has a denim apron tied around his waist; his hands stuffed into the two front pockets. 

"Hi!" you say forgetting about what you thought of him back at the gym as you watched him jog up the stairs.

He looks softer in this light. comfortable in this place and you wonder, for a moment, if you've read him wrong. 

He turns toward the bar to prepare your drinks.

"Can I get a name for that order?" the brunette asks you and you give them your name. 

You see him smile and nod at the sound of your name and you feel your skin get hot. You pay and are about to return to Yoongi to wait for your order when you hear his voice again. 

"I've never seen you here before," he says, his voice deeper than you remember.

The smile he's giving you makes your chest feel full. 

You turn to him and take a step toward where he's standing. the bar and espresso machine standing between the two of you.

"I've never been but I've wanted to check it out for a while now," you say trying to hide the nerves that have suddenly made themselves known. "It's really nice. i love how much light you get in here," you say and tear your gaze away from him and toward the windows.

"That’s why I applied here," he explains. "What are you working on today?" he asks as you watch his gaze drift over to where Yoongi is sitting, hunched over his phone again.

"Art history essay," you answer.

"Cool!" his face lights up, "what about?" he asks.

"Uh, I'm not sure yet but i think I'm going to try and write about why certain paintings of Van Gogh's are so appealing to the live, laugh, love crowd and why they ignore the harder more personal work of his," you explain, nervous about saying the idea you've been mulling over in your head out loud for the first time.

You watch as his smile gets bigger (was that possible?) and his eyes go wide with excitement, "that sounds amazing," he says excitement filling his tone. 

He's working while he's listening to you, his hands gripping the tamper and tamping down the espresso, locking the portafilters into place and pressing the buttons, multitasking as he pours the milk and begins to steam. His gaze drifting between you and the timer on the machine.

"You mean like those traveling Van Gogh exhibits and how they only show certain pieces of his work?" he asks, and you get the confirmation you needed that you read him wrong.

"Yes! and how people don't want to address how his mental illness is so visible in his work," you say, the excitement building. you love talking about this and it's made even better with how he's reacting to your words.

"Are you taking classes?" you ask.

He shakes his head as you watch him pour a small amount of milk into the espresso and swirl the cup for a moment. his fingers nearly touching the rim of the large latte glass. "I've put my degree on hold for a bit," he answers as he pours a beautiful white swan into the drink. "latte," he says with a smile as he sets the cup carefully on its plate and slides it across the bar for you. 

You watch him turn, your gaze slipping to his ass as he bends over to get the ice for Yoongi's drink, and you snap your gaze back up as he turns back around.

"I hope to hear more about your essay," he says as he finishes Yoongi's drink and gives you a very happy smile.

"I'll order more" you say, and you carefully carry your drinks to the table and slide into your seat.

"Good conversation?" Yoongi asks as he looks up at you with an arched eyebrow.

"Oh!" you realize you've forgotten the croissants and you start to slide back out of the booth, albeit a little awkwardly, when he walks over with the two pastries on a plate and sets it down on the table.

"Enjoy," he says and smiles at both you and Yoongi before disappearing back behind the bar. "He's cute," Yoongi mumbles as he tears off a piece of pastry.

"Very," you say as you look down at the swan in your latte and smile. 

You miss the way that Yoongi frowns. 

previous || next

[wannabegwenstacy]

Eden's Favorite Fic's (BTS Fic Recs)

Updated Version: Here!

Note: In the past I haven't indulged in tumblr fics often but I recently (past 3 months) have been reading quite regularly & am planning on branching out a bit. To keep track of the ones that I have enjoyed & the ones that I have even came back to I'm making this list. Again, I haven't been digging into the tumblr fics world for long so for right now its a very short list. I'm hoping with time I can get more fics of different types on here (btsxbts, some gender neutral xreader ones, & more ones that I genuinely like)

About me to understand what's going to be on here:

Age: 21 (99' liner)

Sexuality: Bisexual

Pronouns: She/Her

Ult Bias: Yoongi

Trio: Rap Line

I am OT7. I do enjoy smut but don't think it is necessary to FF. Overall I just want a well-crafted plot that makes sense. I read for entertainment & to escape. But I still need some form of realism (just me personally) to follow the trail of events. PSA: I'm trying to find a broader scope of writers I like but for right now I don't have many. There are gonna be some repetitive writers for now.

______________________________________________________________

Kim Namjoon:

- Librarian Namjoon Universe by @jungshookz

Beauty & the Bookworm (I love this concept SO MUCH)

Pairing: Cute, Good Boy, Nerdy, University Librarian Namjoon x Bratty, Semi-Popular, Procrastinator, University Student Reader

Word count: 20.8k

Summary: You're a procrastinator big time and you may or may not be failing. To get some extra credit you begrudgingly take the library assistant opening where you work under strict dorky Namjoon. Passive aggressiveness, cuteness, fluff, & some smuttiness arises.

Jealous-Boyfriend-Librarian Namjoon (Drabble)

Pairing: Jealous Boyfriend Librarian Namjoon x Oblivious Cute Girlfriend Uni Student Reader

Word count: 3.4k

Summary: You take an Art History Course and end up needing a tutor. Joon offers to tutor you but he doesn't know shit about Art History so you end up getting tutored by an ArtHoe Taehyung that may or may not like you but you are oblivious to this and Joon gets super jealous.

Kim Seokjin:

- Hockey Player Jin by @ve1vetyoongi

HEART OF GOLD (BLADES OF ICE)

Pairing: Sweet Hot New Hockey Player in Town Jin x Ex-Figure Skater (who has a history with jin) Reader

Word count: 20k

Summary: After a fall during figure skating practice dashes your dreams of competing at nationals, you vow to hang up your skates for good. That is until you cross paths with Kim Seokjin, captain of the ice hockey team, who is determined to get you back out on the rink and melt the ice in your heart. (Jimin is a bully in this and their other k-pop idols as characters. Very Very Fluffy and Hallmark Christmas Movie-ish so be aware of that. Overall, it's just cute :) )

Min Yoongi:

Note: these are all but one by the same writer @jungshookz & are written from the pov of a female reader. I'm gonna try to find some gender-neutral fics but for now, if you are female-identifying I really enjoyed these! :)

- Mechanic Yoongi Universe by @jungshookz

Baby, You Can Drive My Car (My favorite AU Fics I've read so far on Tumblr!!)

Pairing: Tatted, Mic Drop Era, Mechanic Min Yoongi x Spoiled Rich, Inexperienced, University Student Reader

Word count: 24.6k

Summary: Welcome to Min Mechanics - What can I do for you today, doll?

Maybe She Can Drive His Car

Pairing: Oblivious, Hot, Boyfriend, Mechanic Min Yoongi x Adorable, Spoiled, University Student, Jealous Girlfriend Reader

Word count: 11.6k

Summary: Yoongi's ex is back in town for a visit and you would be lying if you said you weren't slightly envious of a) how knowledgeable she is about stupid cars and b) how well she gets along with literally everyone.

- Uni Yoongi x Nerdy Reader (mini series) by @jungshookz

Note: these are all drabbles I'm gonna link my favorites in the series. I'll probably add more later.

Cocky Uni Student Yoongi x Nerdy Reader:

^^This is the start of the mini-series, recommend you read it first!^^

The One with the Scrunchie:

Contains: smut, a super cute scrunchie turning into a kink of sorts, slightly insecure Yoongi, experienced Yoongi, slightly inexperienced reader, shy about their own body reader.

Yoongi always had an Overactive Imagination:

Contains: talking about sex, implied smut, reader trying to be productive while also being horny, Yoongi being super distracted and horny.

"I'm gonna need you to shut up now please"

- CEO Yoongi Universe by @jungshookz

Suit&Tie (First Fic in the series)

Pairing: CEO Min Yoongi x Secretary Reader

Wordcount: 21k+

Summary: Young Intimidating Hot CEO Yoongi, Clumsy Secretary Y/N who loves Sugar, Best Friend Jimin. Funny Awkward Meeting that sets up the whole plot, was like reading a Kdrama in book form.

The One Where Augst D makes a Comeback (Favorite Fic in the series)

SPOILERS READ PRIOR DRABBLES TO CATCH UP!! (I recommend The First Date, The One Where Yoongi is Just a Little Jealous, The Proposal, The Wedding, Baby Makes Three, Baby Min's Timeline, The Birth of Baby Min, Daddy's Little Girl, Who the Hell is Augst D.

Pairing: CEO Min Yoongi x Secretary Reader

Word count: 6.5k

Summary: Yoongi finds out you faked an orgasm and he's going to gi-give it to you more ways than one.

- Demon Yoongi by @jungshookz

Hellish (I got some feelings for incubus Yoongi not gonna lie)

Pairing: Bratty, Super Sexy, Sex Demon, Mint Min Yoongi x University Student, Non-Supernatural Believer Reader

Word count: 22.1k

Summary: Jungkook is your clueless, energetic best friend. Wonho is a character in this fic, You are dragged into summoning a demon one night by your overly excited to be summoning a demon? best friend Jungkook. Spooky but Kind of Sexy Shit Happens! (This is probably my second favorite Yoongi Fic I've read!)

- Basketball Captain Yoongi by @jungshookz

Basketball Captain Yoongi

Pairing: Cocky, Popular, Charming Captain of the Basketball Team Min Yoongi x Water girl University Student Reader (who has been crushing on Yoongi hard for some time)

Word count: 18.4k

Summary: Jungkook is your athletic bro of a best friend that signs you up to be his replacement as the water boy (girl in this case) after he makes the team. You have had a pathetic schoolgirl crush on Yoongi for a while and is basically the only reason you agreed to be the water girl aside from spending time with Jungkook. It's fluffy & smutty!

- Android Yoongi @jungshookz

Technologically in love (..I cried! but I also smiled a lot so you know this is well written)

Pairing: Personal Assistant Prototype but SUPER Lifelike Android Min Yoongi x Messy, Junkfood, & Cartoons Loving Reader (basically your early 20s living alone kind of vibe)

Word count: 24k+

Summary: You live in a Detroit Becoming Human type universe but prior to a lot of the advancements. Androids are already a thing but not to the level the M1N Y00NG1 is yet. You are best friends with all the boys and they happen to be engineers which is how you ended up with Yoongi in the first place. Namjoon created Yoongi as a personal assistant prototype android & you are told to live with him. Things get fluffy, SUPER ANGSTY, and super smutty!

- Listen Closely by @avveh

Listen Closely ( sexiest Yoongi fic I have read so far, I kept wanting to go back and read again)

Pairing: Tsundere Office Worker Min Yoongi x Hardworking Office Worker Reader

Word count: 12.2k

Summary: Unintentionally, you stumble upon something that makes you view your coworker Min Yoongi in a whole new light. (SMUT 18+: Masturbation, voyeurism, exhibitionism, breathplay, spanking, degrading names.)

Jung Hoseok:

- Secret Boyfriend Hoseok by @kpopfanfictrash

Keeping a Secret (this took me places...Idk about you but I have trouble finding really good Hoseok fics and this one was perfect. One of my favorite fics on this website)

Pairing: New Relationship Dom Hoseok x New Relationship Tease Reader

Word count: 3.7k

Summary: You and Hoseok have been hooking up for a few weeks now. No one in your friend group knows. What happens then, when he shows up at movie night looking better than anticipated? SMUT!

- Studio Sex Hoseok by @joonbird

Studio:

Pairing: Boyfriend BTS Hoseok x Girlfriend Reader

Word Count: 5k

Summary: Hoseok is stressed about his upcoming mixtape, so you decide to swing by his studio and help him relax. (Hobi being the beautiful glorious sexy man he is and putting those ungodly hips to use!)

Park Jimin:

- Jimin and His Pregnancy Kink by @boymeetsweevil

ME, YOU, AND THIS THING WE HAVE BETWEEN US (NSFW)

Pairing: Sweet Caring Domestic but Horny Jimin x Pregnant Hormonal Reader

Word count:~3.7k

Warnings (aka what to prepare for): everything is graphic and gross lmao, blowjobs (face f*cking), boob job (not the one w/ silicon inserts), cunnilingus, dom!jimin if u squint, cumplay if u squint again, dirty talk/degrading language, penetrative sex (doggy style), unprotected sex, PREGNANCY KINK that’s a big one

Summary: You’re pregnant and Jimin is…happy about it (If I remember correctly this one is 25% cute domestic Jimin trying to calm his hormonal pregnant partner and 75% pure filth aka Jimin having a pregnancy kink and trying to hide it but not well at all. This is however my ultimate fav Jimin smut I have ever read!)

- Crush/Neighbor Jimin by @sketchguk

Lover to Lean On: (I absolutely adore this fic. Overall it's just really well written and I felt like I was watching a show in my head rather than reading a short Tumblr fic. Highly recommend it!)

Pairing: Cute Customer & Neighbor Jimin x Florist Reader

Word Count: 19.9k

Summary: For months, you can hear your no-face neighbor and his ‘girlfriend’ singing and dancing and laughing and falling in love. Above all, you can hear their bed banging against your shared wall, and they won’t ever let you sleep. You’d much rather stay up at night worrying about your own problems, like the weight of an unrequited crush, so of course, you’re bitterly single. But one day, the apartment is radio silent. And one day slowly turns into one week and then into an immeasurable amount of time since you’ve heard his laugh. So on Valentine’s Day, when you’re missing it the most, you beg your neighbor to open up to you with cookies in one hand and two broken hearts in the other.

Kim Taehyung:

-Roommate Taehyung Universe by @jungshookz

Stuck with You

Pairing: Frat Bro bit of an asshole Roommate Kim Taehyung x Clean Organized bit of a Pushover Reader

Word count: 37k

Summary: Kim Taehyung becoming your new roommate is definitely up there on the list of the worst things to ever happen to you. Librarian Namjoon is your Best friend and ex-roommate. Frat bro Jeon Jungkook makes an appearance. There is so smut and implied smut.

The One with the One Year Anniversary (Drabble)

Pairing: The cutest domestic boyfriend Kim Taehyung x girlfriend reader

Word count: 4.6k

Summary: NO SPOILERS! so I'm going to give you a quote: "well, um, look! I made breakfast for you. f-for us!" Also, SFW

Jeon Jungkook:

- Gamer Jungkook by @softyoongiionly

PRESS START (this is the cutest fucking smut type fic I have ever read! it is so pure and is the exact type of relationship I want! IT MADE ME SIMP SO HARD!) gender-neutral I believe!

Pairing: Night owl Gamer Domestic Boyfriend Jeon Jungkook x Witty Domestic Cutesy Relationship Reader

Word count: 5.5k

Summary: A night in with your boyfriend Jungkook includes all kinds of things: anime, witty banter, snacks from 7-Eleven and, you know, sex. (GREAT READ!! I AM A SIMP FOR THIS FIC!!)