#5-7-5 is difficult
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So your other blog says "temporary haitus" and i read it as haikus the first time I saw it and now every time i check that blog i get this image in my mind like what if there was a temporary haiku curse where everyone has to talk exclusively in haikus just imagine
So I am on break,
Couldn't talk, couldn't listen
It takes time to heal.
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Day 3 of @subcodyweek - Prompt: Praise kink
They didn't train him for this on Kamino.
#tcw#commander cody#obi wan kenobi#codywan#esk art#I swear the rest of the stuff I drew is actually more in line with the purpose of this event#I'm not trying to be difficult#i think this is the last thing for this i can actually post on tumblr#the stuff i drew for day 5 and 7 may get me smote by content guidelines. maybe? not risking it#i am trying my hand at writing smut tho to make up for the fact that i can't bring myself to draw anything that is more than suggestive
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Recent life photos
#photo diary#image 1 & 2 - of course these are just cloud images. But a cool pattern of them :0#3 - another word count of game writing... aargh... Still debating about like allowing other people into the game discord or how early#in the process one should do that.. but social things are just so difficult for me lol.. I shall always suffer for my lack of networking an#self promotion skills. 4 - I was forced to get a new phone a few months ago because my beloved phone of like 10 years finally#broke too much. and I always like to go through the emojis and make a little memo with all my favorites. yaay little pictures of things.#5 - I FINALLY finished all the dictionary entries for the game (which has a little dictionary feature in the player's journal to note#any specific terms and keep track of them (like what 'jhevona' or 'avirre'thel' means. or to remember that the world is called Nanyevimi#and the country they're in is Asen. etc. etc.)). There are 75 defined terms so far and it took me a while to do so out of curiosity I put#all the text into a wordcounter thing and lol.. 8000 words isnt that much I guess but the 30 minute reading time is funny to me. 30 minutes#for my little tiny dictionary panel in my quaint little casual visual novel which is not even lore heavy at all. hee hee (though that's mor#like a minute here and there since obv people are not unlocking every term all at once. you complete the dictionary as you talk to people#and hear them mention new concepts over time.).. ANYWAY..#6 - a very soft and beautiful stuffed animal that I did not buy but wanted to at least document their charm.#7 - stimky boye waiting in front of his favorite straw meowring screaming for someone to play with him (he likes to chase the#straw around). 8 - matcha bubble tea my beloved. 9 & 10 & 11 - some cool flowers I saw. also featuring one of my favorites (columbines!)#Anyhow.. as mentioned in the other photo diary post.. I have just been packing and writing mostly.. The evil summer is coming of course#which me and my health issues always dread. Good news though is I finally got my passport in the mail! >:3 huzzah. Now I just need to find#some fellow aromantic asexual living outside the US willing to take one for the team and fake a marriage with me so I can get the#hell out of the country UwU (<joking) (...mostly... as in - definitely NOT my main goal. but if a viable opportunity presented itself I#would of course give it consideration lol). I know that's already highly regulated but I wonder if it's something that will become even mor#locked down as people hunt for any opportunity to flee. People are out here searching for any loophole. Frantically researching their#entire family tree seeing if there's any chance for a citizenship by descent in whatever place will take them. etc. etc. lol#So I wonder if such marriages are a thing that will come up more often. hmm.. ANYWAY..#I have almost all of my stuff packed even though I don't move until another 1-2 months. But that's the point is to have it all sorted early#in the last remaining scraps of ''cooler'' weather so that then I can just relax up until then. I'm going to try doing another scrapbook#/sketchbook this summer as a Mood Boosting effort. Just to find little things to help with the situational political existential dread and#climate woes. So on days it's too hot to function I can just glue little things to pages and doodle lol.. hopefully.. slowly getting things#off my to do list.. I reaaaaaally want to get back to playing games as it's so fun and realxing to me but..rghgh.. 500 other things..
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i don't think i'll ever get over the comedic timing of being prepared to intubate an obtunded patient going into worse and worse shock on three pressors code cart in room pads on having like six people all staring at the vitals anxiously as this person might code at ANY MOMENT, me standing at the head of the bed ready to tube the second we have a safe BP and the nurse from two doors down comes into the room and says, 'hey doc, room x is in asystole' and just. walks away.
i'm just. standing there. peri-coding this patient. and i'm calling after him 'uh.... are they supposed to be?!'
absolutely insane delivery. no context no info just 'hey, btw this person's heart stopped. :) bye ' HELLO!?!
#last night was just. something out of a med drama/comedy#keep in mind that i'm. at the moment. spending no more than 2-3 shifts a MONTH in the ICU. on NIGHT SHIFT.#it has been a month. i walk in. 3 admits in past hour#one that hasn't been seen#need to eval her real quick. ok.#start my PM rounds. look at one of the 'admits' through the door#completely obtunded not moving not responding to sternal rub....like ok. not good.#ok. 'hey can i get an ABG and the bipap?' to RT. vitals ok for now but i just KNOW he's hypercapnic#keep rounding. come to panicked nurse#patient in horrible septic shock super young maxed on 4 pressors would like an art line and triple lumen.#ok. 'can you get the line cart? i'll stop by after we finish rounding if it can wait 10 more mins'#ok. we're downstairs. charge nurse gets called.#'um that patient thats obtunded their pH is 6.8'#'welp. thats not compatible with life. time to intubate.' i tell her the meds to pull and she runs ahead#SOMEONE ASKS ME TO TRANSITION INSULIN DRIP TO SQ IN THAT MOMENT?! its just like. bro. that can wait (i still do it)#now we're in the room. pushing meds. he's becoming shockier. .crash cart please. pads on just in case.#nurse comes in. just saying 'hey room x is in asystole' super casually. i'm like what#apparently they were on comfort care and it was expected#which is HOW HE SHOULD HAVE LEAD THAT SENTENCE?!? LMAO#listen. i did not sit down or start documenting for the first 7 HOURS of my shift#and the craziest thing is that like. 5 people died during my shift. FIVE.#(all not unexpected and not needing to be coded but still. that is. not normal.)#and i come in to hand off. and the doc i hand off to is like#'yeah the most i've ever had die on one of my shifts is 8'#like bro are you trying to ONE UP ME?! on THIS?#medical tw#i was really lucky. the charge and the two floats were STELLAR. i sincerely dont know what i would have done without them#there were many other difficult things on that shift that don't feel appropriate to share#anyway watch the pitt. its exceedingly medically accurate. all my ER friends love it
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Every live-action Star Wars show when it comes time to stick the landing:
#not you ridiculously sick lightsaber fight you were easily in the top 10 of the franchise#I was SCREAMING during that#7 7 7 3 9 8 8 6#those are my rankings#sorry#I want season two#but just because I believe this show can Do Better#the acolyte#the acolyte spoilers#there were two maybe three direct references to movie lines#and it grates#you get one#maybe two#but eventually I just go “ahahaha I see what you did ehhhhh”#maybe some things will make sense but#I#eh#I DIDN'T FEEL THE BOND BETWEEN OSHA AND MAE#AND I THINK THAT'S A PROBLEM#I'm not a difficult guy to convince#i'm a sucker for that stuff#and it...wasn't there#also how did Osha and Qimir lose ALL of their tension and charm?#like...I was so on board with them two episodes ago#but now suddenly that's gone#my problem is that if a finale ranks below an 8 it's generally Bad#they're supposed to be big and have little to no missteps#(sometimes you can go small and just make ZERO missteps...looking at you Teen Titans Season 5 keep it up!!!)#so yeah this is...oof#LIGHTSABER FIGHT ROCKED
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Lesbian flag discourse set us back like 20 years for real
#.txt#its especially heinous to me bc like. the ppl who were against the old les flag won#and we got a new flag that actually has meanings and shit#but then everyone uses the design w less stripes that was /specifically made for merch/#bc ppl whined that too many stripes would make it more difficult for merch or whatever#so emily gwen made the vers w less stripes#THAT WASNT A FUCKING INVITE FOR EVERYONE TO JUST USE THAT ALL THE TIME THOUGH.#the stripes literally have meanings if you just yse the one w less stripes jts like completely stripping it of its symbolism#and even THEN people are STILL rallying to create yet ANOTHER 'official' flag bc emily gwen is a shithead or whatever#brother i dont think we are ever gonna have a flag creator that is completely and 100% a good person#you'd never hear an outcry like this with other flags--#(except maybe the blue gay man flag but even that relates back to lesbian discourse)#continuouslt making new 'official' flags because the older ones were problematic is a fucking futile endeavor#the only reason i use emily gwen's flag rather than the old one is because i dont wanna get harassed#I HATE FLAG DISCOURSE RAAAHHHHH it started with lesbians and it always ends with lesbians i hate it so much#just fucking leave queer women alone#i literally lived througj the les flag discourse myself and it pisses me off so much#update: i realize i got really heated and what i said abt the 5-stripe orangepink flag may be misinterpreted#there's nothing wrong with people using that variant its just kind of a personal peeve#because the 7 stripe flag had meanings added to every stripe#and hthe fact that the variant w some of those stripes Gone is more popular is well. it just annoys me
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still trying to process my grandma passing away earlier in the week and just now found out that my dad was diagnosed with throat cancer. I hope he managed to catch it early, it sounds like his doctor's are deciding what the best action to take is.
#[static]#cancer is my Worst Nightmare truly ... he's the first one in the family to get it somehow#even with everyone on my mom's side being Heavy smokers (like a pack a day sometimes)#that being said it's another one of those family relationships that makes any sort of news difficult to process#I don't know what to do or say or how to feel about it besides basic human empathy that one would express during something like this#because the truth is I *don't* know my dad he was in my life from age 3-4? maybe 5?#and then i saw him randomly through out the rest of it every 6 months-4 years depending on if he'd show up#so while i'm obviously worried for him and sent him a message#im also grappling with 'does he want me to reach out' & 'am i doing this the right way' for a person i have blood ties to but dont know wel#like i've seen him twice in the last 7 years that's about how deep our relationship is as family#I used to want something more with him but I couldn't handle his flakiness and for awhile it seemed like he wanted to be around more#but his actions are always different from his words#anyways this is a long way of saying that my related-family dynamics are so confusing to me and make it hard to process anything
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New Autism Con unlocked: Just watched a movie that is beloved by all and i know is good but I didnt enjoy it because I could only think about spiderman the whole time
#UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BEING AUTISTIC IS SUCH A FUCKING CURSEEEE#I enjoy it sometimes dgmw its who i am and i love myself#I wouldnt be so cruel as to hate 90% of my identity because I cant if i want to live#but god. it makes things difficult.#Wake up at 7 have to get ready so cant do anything abt hyperfixation#Work 9-5 cant talk abt hyperfixation#My cousin's pick for movie night shes too young to enjoy my hyperfixation#Go to bed. repeat.#For the next. 2 weeks.#🦖#beverly says stuff#Beverly is Autistic tag#atsv
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ugh there it goes
#our promotion 😢😢#1st place is gone#today was tough our opponents were all way better than us#we only won 1 match out of 6#now they're leading our league well we should at least win our last matchday and get 2nd place#the no1 seed was in another league from ours 6:0 6:0 altough she's quite a good player at our club#we only won one doubles match altough they were not as good by far as their other players#and all the matches were quite one sided they were also way higher rated than us#i also lost my match 😫 altough it was quite close actually but that is even worse sometimes idk#i certainly could have won idk why i didn't i mean there were not many chances but they were there#i lost 5:7 4:6 ugh 😭#maybe with a better serve i would have won#but i was 5:4 up and i didn't win that point like that's when you have to be there and make it#i think this might just be one of my weaknesses i'm really good at conebacks and believing in that i'll win but i have to be more effective#and 'cold' when it matters sometimes i'm quite wasteful with my chances#i often make the craziest most difficult shots which are 'impossible' to get back but then fail at the easiest one's#especially in the crucial moments maybe i should play it safe more and be more patient#nah but winning that first set would have changed everything because 3rd sets are more likely to be my advantage with my speed and fitness#and in the 2nd i was just always one behind i always caught up but never went ahead#my serve also wasn't really there today and my 2nd serve is still too weak opponents take advantage and if i have a bad 1st serve percentage#like today it makes it difficult to win my own serve and i also made many double faults (4) 😕#i aced her once tho 🤪#but my serves are sometimes great but very inconsistent dependent on the day (the 2nd one always bad)#my backhand also wasn't as good as usualy i hit a lot of them out but it got better altough then i took many with my forehand which worked#and my opponent had riddiculous stops they wouldn't go up the ground again 🫠#and she was so good at net and also whenever i went there she'd pass me or lob me 😅#i gave up doing that very soon my best shot at this was just hitting winners and hitting balls deep to her forehand#i succeeded at that a couple of times but it was not enough#i mean i didn't play badly but what a shame#she was very nice though and very fair it was a pleasant match and she told me she was the best opponent she encountered in the league
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love my leather boots sooo much.. polishing them at weekends is my favourite chore by far I always look forward to getting to do it :-)
#just re-lacing them rn so theyre ready for work tomorrow theyre so shinyyy muah#when my next payday comes around im gonna get a second pair so im not putting as much strain on the leather by wearing them everyday#but i think im gonna go for a different colour to my standard black.... ik solovair do similar ones in burgundy or bottle green hmm#well i have a month to think abt it before i decide!#red is my go to accent colour but green would probably fit better with my work wardrobe... and i do wear work clothes 5/7 days a week#anyway.... i need to meditate and then sleep. i usually settle down for bed 9:30 but im a little wired cuz new med change#so ive been putting it off until i feel actually tired so i wont stress abt not being able to fall asleep and then make it worse#i will probably feel pretty tired at work tomorrow but thats okay i dont have anything taxing scheduled#feeling so much better now this weekend is behind me. ik next weekend will likely be difficult again but im more prepared for it#i need to book myself this trip as well before train tix get too expensive so i have smth to look forward to next month....#just debating whether i actually want to invite other ppl or not. itd be rly nice for everyone to come but with recent events i feel-#a little delicate abt social stuff and i dont want to stress myself out and get insecure bc its meant to be a treat for me#like if i invite other ppl itll become their trip and suddenly im in the backseat third wheeling them all#and ill wish i had uninvited myself so they would enjoy it more etc but the POINT is its smth i wanna do!!!! for me!!!#we'll see how this week goes. i dont rly feel ready rn to unmute their server yet tho bc ill just make myself upset abt next weekend#letting sleeping dogs lie for now... ill come back around eventually it always takes some time to recover from mood swings that intense#okay now goodnight! xoxoxoxooxo#.diaries
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Lol
#lil miss Ting decided to boot up the ol ps2 two days before leaving and summer after summer of saying she'll play it#clock me. honestly i deserve it at this point#the last save was in 2012. before that 2008 2007 and 2005 *sobs*#so anyway... i don't remember it being this much fun ?? kinda re-assessing my entire childhood reality rn#ratchet is such a bitch too. we stan#it's also difficult ????? umm ????#but WHY are the checkpoints in this game so atrocious? like i'm a good 5 minutes into the level and it'll take me back to the beginning#i also watched a bit from a walkthrough of the ps4 version that i just found out exists#it's basically an entirely different game but why does it seem so lifeless you know? like it fails to capture the original's charm#why did they de-asshole-ise ratchet? the point of the original is like a journey towards maturity. at least that's what i got#before earning a sense of heroism he's like throwing shade and tantrums and just wants to ride his hoverboard#on the ps4 he's been like... Cocomelon'd ? idk#i want the trial of Skidd McMarx for Ace Attorney 7#smash
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oh why can't I type faster, this story is almost doooooone
I went to the old rabbi for his blessing.
“Rabbi,” I said, as I held Georg’s hand. “I know you don’t think much of me for protecting this man. I know he has broken our law. I know he is guilty of... terrible things.”
Georg silently hung his head, shamefaced.
“But today he goes forth in the name of destroying our enemies, who have committed far greater atrocities than he ever could,” I went on. “Is there some way… could you find a way to bless him, before we go?”
The old rabbi mulled it over for some moments before shrugging in defeat. He stretched out his gnarled and bony hands, patted Georg’s protruding belly once or twice, and in a paternal, indulgent sort of way he simply bid Georg “es gezunterheyt”—eat well.
#I DON'T KNOW WHERE THESE MENTAL IMAGES COME FROM#I swear this whole exchange sprang from basically nowhere#but I'm glad because it helped me tighten up a difficult scene :3#soon soon I promise#chapters 5-7 are on the way#torg#writing#notes to myself
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Aghhh picking voice claims for the girlies is difficult but I thiiiiiink I got some ideas!!!
I was originally planning on them all getting the same VA but then decided naw make em all unique!
#rambles#honestly most difficult one to find was for Mary 4#and Mary 5#I want Mary 4 to sound kinda genki so I had to wade through a lot of options for an Eng va#and for Mary 5 I wanted her to sound a bit more serious and mature than the others#Like still obvy youthful but not too high pitched#Mary 7 had too many options 💀
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top 5 pokemon
HERDIER!!!! HERDIER SWEEEEEPPPPP #1 FOREVER 💪💪‼️‼️
Reshiram
Scolipede
Snivy
Munchlax
Can you tell I'm a gen 5 fan
#THIS QUESTION IS SO DIFFICULT BC I HAVE WAY WAY WAY MORE THAN 5 FAVORITE POKEMON#adding 6 and 7 to this post too. musharna and shieldon#ask
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ALSO sry im so talkative today idk whats gotten IN to me but anyways. its sooo crazy 2 me that ppl have other birthdays that arent the sake day as my birthday like obviously i know ppl do but its crazy to me. bc january 13th is like My birthday ykwim. like its such a good day to have a birthday on so beautiful 1/13/2005 gods specialest girl was born ykwim.
#also the cafe is plsying so much lana del rey im rly scared guys. ive never listened to ldr outside of nightcore when i was 11#but ya i loooove having a january birthday bc it makes it so easy to figure out how old i was during an event. bc its like. ok unless the#event happened in the first 12 days of the year i can just subtract 5 from the year it happened and thats how old i was. ykwim. like 2007 i#was 2 rhe entire year basicslly 2012 i was 7 the entire year its awesome#whereas if i had a september birthday. Like some people (my sibling). itd be a wholee production like ok was it before or after the end of#september. which is isnt rly that difficult but i have trouble remembering what specific month a thing happened in#but i can remember seasons. which again like ig isnt the difficult bc if it happened in wjnter etc. spring etc. summer etc. but if it#happened in fall id probably be confused..#basically january is the best month of the year and the most beautiful girls are born then#a fun fact is i wasnt born on friday the 13th. i was born on a thursday#BUT my 1st birthday was friday and so was myyy 16th i think. idr. but yeah sometimes its on a friday which is cool :]#and another fun fact is it was a sunny day but (according to my dad) there was a random lightning strike like. right when i was born. so#basically i think im rly rly quite special. joke. i think that lightning strike was god saying Lord well hold on. why would god he saying#lord. thats kinda funny. thats like if i went Connor i am going to put this guy in situations. which tbf i do refer to myself in 3rd person#mentally On occasion. but anyways. sry i distracted mysekf and forgot what i was gonna say. its tly funny to imagine god just being like#Lord almighty.#speaking of idk if you guys know this abt me but i say lord almighty and jesus christ and good lord etc so much. and i didnt always i like#started saying them a year or so ago and now i cant stop. i wasnt even raised religious im not religious in the slightest . but my first#reaction to things now is Lord almighty... like girl you do not even know him.#anyways thats all. sry
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I hope you all know I have this perfectly adorable Icon of Wrenn giving someone a smooch on their cheek that I apparently will never get to use, becAUSE EVERYONE KEEPS ADOPTING HIM--
#WHEN WILL HE BE FREE TO SOFTLY SMOOCH SOMEONE ON THEIR CHEEK#jkjk TBH Wrenn is. Insanely difficult when it comes to shipping.#You have to:#1. Know he's a puppet#2. Know that he was a Harbinger#3. Know he tried to become an edgelord god (and failed)#4. Know he's done lots of murders#5. Somehow be okay with ALL that#6. Not be human (this one is flexible much to his dismay)#7. Don't have any bad history with him#8. Be very slow and gentle and kind towards him even on his worst days#9. Don't adopt him#And THEN you have a chance at being a romantic interest#Maybe#Pretty sure he's very Gay too#Anyway he's a disaster and while I do love shipping I'm not expecting to get many ships with him#I'm just mad (not really) that I have this ADORABLE SMOOCH ICON that will never be used#smh#ooc
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