#i think this is the last thing for this i can actually post on tumblr

[thinkingaboutbees]

Hi, I'm the OP of this thread on Bluesky. I thought I'd come on here and upload some of the analysis I've done in later-additions to this thread, which weren't online when Tumblr-OP @carucath made this post, as well as a recent interaction with Rhianna Pratchett, all of which I think are useful bits of contextual info/expansion. I've seen a few people in the notes/reblogs saying things about the fan-desire to rush to defend their faves etc., and kind of discounting my analysis because of that. While I agree that fandom spaces absolutely do have a huge problem with that, and that retrospectively reading Neil Gaiman's work looking for 'signs' that he was a piece of shit the whole time isn't actually constructive/doesn't really add anything useful to the discourse, my intent with this thread wasn't to try to absolve PTerry or put distance between him and Gaiman (though I can see how it reads that way). I'm more interested in looking at how 'known' people like Gaiman move within fandom spaces, as well as how our parasocial relationships with public figures, and the cult of personality which some people build up around them, can often help to protect them or even enable their behaviour (worth remembering that a number of the women Gaiman assaulted/abused have talked about being fans of his work, or meeting him through fandom spaces, or, even when not fans of his work as in the case of Scarlett, still being a bit over-awed by his fame and reputation). I suspect that Gaiman's embellishment of his relationship with PTerry helped to build up his persona in SF/Fantasy fandom spaces after Pratchett's death, contributing to his personal Cult of Personality and fandom parasocial relationships with him. Over the last 5 years especially, Gaiman has had a pretty meteoric rise in the public eye outside of online SF/Fantasy fandom spaces & conventions. In particular a number of his works have been adapted for TV across various large streaming-platforms following the success of Good Omens, with high-profile names attached to them, and large marketing campaigns. By positioning his Good Omens adaptation as 'Terry's dying wish' of him, Gaiman has gained a lot of attention for it and for his other work, increased his own public standing, and thus directly profited off of Pratchett's legacy and the public perception that the two were close friends. (Obviously GO was adapted with the support of Rhianna & Rob, but, as you'll see in these other threads, we probably should think of it as being primarily a PTerry novel, with some minor input from Gaiman). Some personal context: I hold two degrees in English literature (both with Firsts, or a 3.7-4.0 GPA for the Americans on this thread), as well as a research-Masters degree in Creative Writing (with a high 2.1, because I developed a chronic illness which made me bedbound for 6 months of that degree lmao). I have a long-standing personal and academic interest in both Gaiman and Pratchett's work, and have written multiple essays on Terry Pratchett's style & his approach to genre, including some for my Masters degree. I generally stay out of fandom spaces these days, and these threads have sprung out of my own prior research and academic work. While I'm yet to seek a PhD, I have previously been employed by the English Literature department of the main university in my city, where I was the tutor for one of their undergraduate courses (this means I was responsible for organising and running the weekly group tutorials/workshops which make up the other contact-hours for students outside of lectures, providing one-on-one support and feedback for students who asked for extra guidance but didn't feel it was complex enough to go to the head lecturer, and for marking student-essays). I do eventually hope to go in to academia/lecturing, but right now am taking a few years off from studying since finishing my Masters to pay off some of my student loan debt, get my health back on track, and to focus on my creative practice and writing career.

There was an interesting thread on Bluesky dissecting Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett's relationship

TL:DR - It seems like Gaiman has been exaggerating the level of closeness between them for YEARS

[technofeudalism]

everything Trump is doing and will do is historically horrific. that said, i'm always taken aback when i see someone post some shit like "we are officially living under fascism now."

the key thing it exposes is that some people were genuinely under the impression the entire time that you can vote fascism away and that we did it in 2020. online liberals get so mad when people share this meme but it actually happened.

we did not "beat" fascism 4 years ago and it just magically came back because we didn't vote it away this time. but i think that is the conclusion some are coming to. even if Trump lost, geopolitics has been forever changed as a result of what he's managed to do in the last decade. you cannot eradicate fascism via electoralism. it is not going to work. fascism has been here. as with so many other things in life, it is a scale, not a binary.

in the slim chance that we get another fair election in 4 years, if Trump actually loses or leaves office, fascism still is not "gone." it is still on the rise. it sounds corny as fuck, but any activist will tell you the fight against fascism is a lifetime fight until it is dead and buried, not one you engage in every four years.

even then, you HAVE to stay vigilant. forever. that is what the "anti-fascist" label in your tumblr bio means. it is not like "Democrat" in the sense that it only determines what ballot you're handed in an election primary. it is not simply a personality trait.

this is what many activists have been trying to explain to so many for so long. but people have refused to hear it because those activists, who came to these conclusions on their own and have been trying to explain these concepts to people for decades, aren't always able to articulate this point without losing their patience and wind up being cast as bitter or condescending. it's been a constant losing battle.

[meimeimeirin]

still on tumblr break, but since i just logged in and saw several asks, i thought i'd clarify a few things here.

regarding me and @/zhongrin

in summary:

zhongrin is privated and archived permanently.

for the two people who asked, yeah, i'm alright.

more utc, but you can skip.

to expand more on the 'sudden' archiving/privating:

i've been debating to archive the blog since last year. to tell the truth, the new theme that appeared in zhongrin since september last year was actually the theme of a new writing sideblog i made. honestly, i had contemplated archiving it since july ー and i've lost count over how many times i created a 'blog archived' post only to delete it, over and over again. i just held on like an idiot and kept telling myself to just post and dip out.

don't look at the activity bar, it's just going to be full of likes. don't look at the notes, i'll just be full of more empty likes. don't look at the reblogs, it won't have any feedback anyway. don't look into your inbox, you won't find any feedback whatsoever anyway. don't look at your dash, lest you'll see other people getting interactions and start wondering if you're the weirdo for not getting any. don't look. don't look. don't look.

i'm just so tired of being disappointed.

it's like writing out a play and 10k people reserved seats to your free performance, yet all you see are thousands of absent seats. all you receive are silent smiles. a few applauses. and less than ten people commenting on the play, most of which are your own friends.

every time i post, i start questioning why did i even bother sharing this. or if i'm even actually good enough at writing. or if that comment was just there out of pity. or if i should have used the time i spent writing, proofreading, and editing to do something else. something that would have brought more joy. something that would result in more than a few strung words on a digital screen that no one thinks is worth sharing.

every time i post, it just feels like i just did something meaningless. every time i do events or bring my ocs to the spotlight, every time i'm having so much fun, people leave and it gets even more silent. my thoughts? my expectations? my joy? my sadness? meaningless. they're all meaningless to these ten thousand people.

why should i keep sharing and doing something that feels meaningless and hopeless?

so i stopped caring and archived. that's all there is to it.

i do have that new writing blog set up. way back since last year. because as much as i loathe the silence, i still love writing. sometimes.

as of today, that blog is still devoid of original posts. i don't know when or if i'll feel comfortable posting my own 'content' again. or maybe i never will. who knows. but if i do, this time, i'm setting things up so i can just be the 'content creator' that readers expect me to be and distance myself from everything.

call me childish. call me jaded. call me a bitch. i don't care. i don't want to try connecting with my readers anymore because tumblr as a community has stopped being a system that can do this. i'm just going to give myself the option of making content and dipping out whenever i want. i'm going to spend my energy having fun with my friends who does care - on a separate, more controlled environment altogether.

this will still be my main since i don't want to bother setting up a new account and re-following people again. but i won't be active here. i foresee i'll be more 'present' in my private blog. for those who does have the url ー please keep it a secret. thanks.

bye, zhongrin. it started out fun. it's a shame it ended on a bitter note. i truly wish it hadn't turned out this way.

signing off once again, meirin.

[ramazottin]

I ❤️ FORSAKEN SO HERE'S ALL THE LORE I COULD FIND

(From the wiki, ingame descriptions/dialouge and the discord.)

••••••••KILLERS••••••••

COOLKID

His wiki description: An adopted son from a single father with childlike curiosity, but with the strength of a monster. He appears as a red, flesh-like humanoid that can kill fast and traverse fast. He is known for his association with a vandalization group called "team c00lkidd".

C00lkidd is scared of John Doe. [007n7 (c00lkidd's father) told him stories about John Doe.]

The sword coolkid uses is the firebrand from SFOTH

In Forsaken's lore, c00lkidd is only 10 years old.

c00lkidd is not fully aware of what he's doing, as he believes he's just roughhousing and thinks everyone he kills is just tired out and taking a nap.

c00lkidd likes dirt cake, which is made with crushed up cookies (preferably in a dark color), pudding, and gummy worms. The cookies represents dirt and the gummy worms resemble live earthworms.

c00lkidd loved reindeers, being mentioned when you buy the Reindeer skin of 007n7.

I TRIED MY BEST TO FIT ALL THE PICTURES ON A SINGLE PAGE(since tumblr only allows 10 pictures per post)

1X1X1X1

1x4's wiki description: The physical manifestation of pure malice, hatred, and negativity himself; the one who despises no one else more than the former admin, Shedletsky. With the daemonshank in his hands, he can summon beings of rot from the deceased, as well as target survivors from afar, poisoning them in the process.

1x1x1x1 is genderfluid.

When he kills you, 1x4 fills your head with poison then crushes it.

JOHN DOE

His wiki description: The defunct code of the early days of Roblox courses through their body, consuming his mind as he now only focuses on one thing: to kill everyone in his path. An unstoppable force entering the round with a strategical mindset, he's able to set traps, summon walls to back survivors into a corner, and leave behind a faint trail that damages those who step on it.

He prefers either super basic foods or fancy dishes.

John Doe doesn't use his right arm (the heavily corrupted one) to attack, since it's really heavy and inconvenient.

John and Jane doe are canonically a married couple. After John got corrupted, he no longer remembers her.

JASON

Jason's wiki description: A man who's identity is covered by a crude hockey mask. Wielding several tools at his disposal, along with his thirst for the cat-and-mouse chase, his hands and/or tools are always seen bloody. He enters his damnation wielding his infamous machete & a chainsaw he found in a cabin.

•••••••SURVIVORS•••••••

007n7

007n7 uses a lesser version of the c00lgui because it is all he had access to at the time.

007n7 is canonically retired from hacking.

007n7 wears his shirt because c00lkidd likes it.

007n7 is C00lkidd's adoptive father.

C00lkidd showed up on his doorstep as a pill baby.

007n7 feels a pang of familiarity whenever he sees C00lkidd in the rounds.

007n7 has a special death animation if killed by c00lkidd, where c00lkidd gently lays him down on the ground. He also does not resist in the death animation.

007n7 is a good dad.

SHEDLETSKY

Shedletsky is seemingly the leader of the survivor group, with his Co-Leader Builderman. Shedletsky has made a vow with Builderman to attempt to keep everyone safe, no matter what.

If 1x1x1x1 and Shedletsky are the only ones left, a different last man standing song will play, which is called “Meet your Maker”, and the timer will have an extra 20-30 seconds (one of the devs said it was to let the whole song play LMAO). This is due to Shedletsky being the one to actually create 1x1x1x1, by making a test account on Roblox and naming it respectively. He then rumored about 1x1x1x1 being a hacker and he not having the account, (which he obviously did). The quote “Blame John” comes from that.

TWO TIME

Their wiki description: A fragile cultist holding a horrible secret. When mortally wounded, they resurrect themselves with wings and tails, and recover as if nothing had happened. They are a self-described Shadow with an unstable mind and guilt-stricken after the betrayal against their own partner. They still carry on, after all, shadows die twice.

Two Time is said to be "messed up in the membrane". This is also why they smile during rounds.

They believe in the concept of respawning and likely worships the spawn-point.

Two Time used to be in relationship with an upcoming killer, Azure.

It was said they stabbed Azure with a dagger which led to them becoming a killer.

The description of Undying Devotion is most likely Azure saying "what have you done..?" after being stabbed by Two Time.

It is possible that Two time sacrificed Azure to gain their second life.

Two time is nonbinary and uses they/them.

ELLIOT

He will do whatever he can to help his teammates and deliver his orders due to his sheer dedication for his job.

CHANCE

Their wiki descriprion: A wealthy limited trader and underground casino worker, Chance is one who is fascinated with gambling and will even gamble with his own life just because he's convinced he'll win. There is no route he won't go just to gamble some more, even in a life or death situation.

Chance owes Bluudud a domino, as said in one of the voicelines of Bluudud.

Chance is nonbinary and uses he/they.

BUILDERMAN

Builderman is canonically the boss at Roblox, and the main person who builds the site itself. When all goes wrong he has to be the one to go out and fix things, stopping the killers in their tracks.

As a promise with Shedletsky, he'll do all he can to help everyone.

GUEST 1337

Guest 1337 is the main character of the animated series The Last Guest by ObliviousHD, with his story in Forsaken taking place after the events of Part 1.

His wiki description: A hardened veteran with battle scars from wars long ago. He has a tendency to sacrifice himself in order to keep those around him safe.

Guest 1337 entered the world of Forsaken after blowing himself up in part 1 of The Last Guest.

Guest 1337 misses his family and thinks about them between rounds.

Guest 1337 has a wife (Daisy) and a daughter (Charlotte.)

One of Guest 1337's skins called "Matt" is another character from The Last Guest series. He is Guest 1337's best friend ever since they were kids and fought in the battlefield with Guest 1337 before getting shot. Matt survived getting shot and now wears a cast on his leg. (This is not related to Forsaken just so you know)

NOOB

Noob's wiki description: A big snack person at heart, Noob has a handful of food items at their disposal. Sneaking by with their ghostburger, moving faster with their cola, and tanking damage with their slateskin, they're scared, but still pushes on, wanting to find an escape.

Noob is Genderfluid

They are a big snack person. Bloxxy cola is their favorite as it is also guest 666's favorite. (Answer to the question "what's noob's favorite food/drink?" on discord.)

Noob and Guest666 will have a special chase theme in the future, just like shedletsky abd 1x1x1x1/007n7 and coolkid.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here's some other funny shit i could find lol:

[khaopybara]

Can u gather up all pics of fk in brazil?

oh man, I don't know about all of them but I do have a few saved. also, i know it wasn't your intention, anon, but this made me a little emotional remembering that week. and that's from someone who has a lot of trouble remembering things.

(unfortunately, tumblr caps 30 images per post, so i'll give you my top 30 i guess? check out the tag on twitter too, you can find a lot of photos and videos of that week there. i highly recommend watching the videos.)

(also because i think i won't have the chance to talk about this naturally in other occasions, i will never be able to cope with the fact that khaotung wanted to buy a couch here and take it to thailand for his new house, but because of logistics - they were flying to japan straight from brazil - he couldn't do that. and then he tried talking p'som into letting him at least take a rug, but that would difficult too. brazilian soms almost had the honor of having that couch on his house. we'll forever be butthurt about it)

the beginning of their journey

they gave a lot of interviews when they were here, so they had a little down time the day before i think, that's when they took this these in mostly white outfits.

the day of the fanmeet. i've seen people downplay how packed that place was, and i can confirm it had a lot of people inside that club. they oversold tickets. it wasn't sold out in the website, but streets say there were 4k people there to watch them.

and a couple of more from the day after when they did a bunch of interviews and this one of first in the mall. this last one is actually from his 2023 dump and there were at least 3 or 4 photos of their trip to brazil there, if i'm not wrong.

[mugzymiik]

oh you'll regret this. /vsilly

mostly copy-pasted from the BugVerse doc but i do have some originally-wrote shit :thumbsup:

claps my hands SO.

BugVerse originally began with me wanting to shove Bug into canon TPC after her only existing in a rp au (hi Dark and Tea (and Sage but u arent on tumblr) i see u /vsilly) and i kinda wanted to extend her out into the actual fandom so Um. BugVerse began. (and honestly BugVerse used to be a filler name now look at it LOL)

SO.

timeline-wise, during tpc

im waiting til a little more comes up in canon tpc before i can make a full-on timeline to fix shit, BUT heres the main rundown, REALLY in general plus some minor shit

yada yada shit happens in the past obviously (also like 1000 years back Pyrare as a child is promised by the Trees to be in for Great Things and hes like umm wtf but No one believes him)

first corruption happens. it takes like 2 weeks for the Trees to actually do something (see: Kitstate /silly) but a week into the corruption pyrare is called to the Trees like will A Pyrare please come to the front desk .your child is waiting for you.

Pyrare gets Gold and boom The First Corruption ends. Pyrare gets corrupted and shatters Gold at some point but its fine he comes back to life and beats up dub and puts his twinkass in a seal

BUT WHOOPSIE DAISY YKNOW WHAT. those last 2 points? there was a Hero before Gold. came out a week before. her name was Bug. the trees were like FUCK OH WAIT SHIT WE NEED A HEROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I NEED A HERO or however the song goes, panicked, made a certain octagon. planned to be yellow, came out gray and powerless. Bug.

Bug was forced out of the Tree and given to r*dd (ewwwwww) a week through Kitstate and ushered away in plan for a better stronger Hero to be made in her place: Gold.

anyways yeah corruption ends, shit is fine. Pentellow gets Tsavorite, Iris gets Orange, Cube gets Cya-- OH. OH FUCK. OKAY. UM!

TURNS OUT, DUB GOT STRONGER. HE BREAKS OUT AND CAUSES HAVOC! UH OH SPAGHETTI-OS

shit

happens

i

need

to

figure

this

out

heroes all get staged, theyre on their way to the tower ready as FUCK to go beat Dub's ass. whoopty-doo, yknow what! they go thru a town , just made their way out, then- oh shit WAIT IS THAT A HERO.

turns out, this was the town that Bug (and r*dd by proxy EWWWWWWWW) was residing in. Bug spotted the group, got pissed at their mere existence in her general area and followed them out of spite.

they have a whole confrontation, its revealed that Pyrare knew of Bug's existence the whole time, which puts a little bit of a strain between him and Gold for a bit (because cmon. your dad just caused you to have a heavy existential crisis, you would too /lh)

the group goes "we dont have TIME to return her WE NEED TO GO." so they just take Bug along . which they wished they didnt on multiple occasions throughout the journey (she does eventually chill the fuck out though thanks to Tsavorite after she opens up to him about what she's been through. empathetic ahh creature i love him)

the fuckery happens, heroes get shattered, theres a moment of silence (even the corrupts are a little taken aback; they did want the heroes shattered really, but now that theyve seen it actually happen, they just.. freeze. did they really want those kids dead? they didnt. ..did they-? they were only children. why.. why would they ever want that in the first place-..? what were they thinking?) before Cube's Tree pieces glow; theyre connected to the Heroes. revive them. shock them back to life.

TIO happens lmao

i might add post-tpc later :thumbsup:

anyways. lore-non-timeline-wise

ToL: Connection Item

An item that a caretaker can hold at times to strengthen the connection between themself and their Hero. The connection item's selection process is simple, really- it's the very first gift that a caretaker receives from their Hero. It can't be changed, but it can be replaced with an item that's very similar to the original.

Cyan & Cube: bead bracelet

Iris & Orange: rock necklace

Tsavorite & Pentellow: bandana

Pyrare & Gold: stone

Circusic & Cyanogen: tbd

Hexalace & Bug: ribbon

ToL: Herospeak

A language only Heroes (and The Sun) can speak, AKA that squeaking noise they make when Heroes are in their first stage. It requires a high pitch to properly be spoken in an understandable way- a pitch that only the Heroes and The Sun can reach with their voice. It comes naturally for Heroes and The Sun- however it’s extremely hard to learn for others, often taking years of practice to even become slightly fluent. However, no matter how fluent a regular shape is, their inability to reach the specific pitch of voice causes them to have a heavy accent when speaking Herospeak.

Tree Marking

A triangle marking on a shape's chest that indicates that that shape can fight. Any shape with a triangle marking has a weapon, be it physical or controllable. A triangle marking is considered a blessing from the Trees of Life themselves.

Physical - a weapon that a fighting-abled shape can hold to use. A downside to this type of weapon is that if another grabs it, the weapon holder isn't going to get it back unless they manage to grab it back.

Controllable - a weapon that a fighting-abled shape can summon using just their mind, and control even when not holding it. A downside to this type of weapon is that it uses the weapon holder's focus to keep control of it; if they lose focus or get distracted, the weapon can easily hurt somebody unintended- or even the weapon holder themself.

Kitstate

The state that a Hero is in when first created. The time between creation and birth from the Tree is 2 weeks; their eyes are sealed shut and the only noises they can make are squeaks. Heroes are in this kitten-like state for the first half of that (1 week). “Kitstate” is not the official term for it- it doesn't have an actual term, it's just called that by The Sun. The Sun takes care of them while in this state.

other stuff not able to go in categories and/or i havent written them out enough to put them in the lore section above

post-corruption, the Blue Tree of Life and the Yellow Tree of Life get some pink (for Cyanogen) and gray (for Bug) mixed into them, respectively. this phenomeneoeoom (how the fuck .) doesnt have an official name really, but theyre often called "Split Trees", "Blended Trees", things like that by citizens

following up on Kitstate (putting here since this isnt written out), in terms of the Trees creating the Heroes, creating and birthing are two different things. initially, the Tree creates the Hero BUT they aren't immediately taken out of the Tree– instead, theyre in Kitstate for about a week and then they lose that state afterwards. and a week after that they are FINALLY taken out of the Tree by their caretaker

when in TIO, Heroes temporarily tap into their caretaker's connection to the Trees of Life to be able to use their weapons

the Blended Trees:tm: (or whatever u wanna call em; again, multiple names used by multiple people.) actually are referred to with Segments. for example, Gold is the Hero of, you guessed it, the Yellow Segment of the Yellow Tree of Life, while Cyanogen is the Hero of the Pink Segment of the Blue Tree of Life. literally everybody discards that long ass name though and just calls them Heroes of the [color] Tree of Life, no "segment" bullshit (good riddance i say)

the locations actually have names!!!!! woaw!!!!: Polygon County (Tsavorite/Pentellow's place yk), The Land of Spheres obvs (Iris/Orange)- but also the Pyrare/Gold and Cube/Cyan places r still in concept :thumbsup: BUT the place where the Trees of Life/Dub's Tower are referred to as Paradise Central

corrupts actually become "normal" shapes after the events of TPC. it mainly consists of a lot of the corrupts that came to their senses (kinda) after the Heroes shattered, but also those who felt happier as a corrupt. (eg Ajaceare (probably), Circubit (also probably)). they arent contagious(?) anymore; they are a minority though, often frowned upon, referred to as "cowards" or "traitors", hell some of them have even been outcasted by their friends and family for it. theyre really oppressed, but of course a lot of people arent like that and have actually accepted the new kind of shape among them. i mean cmon- they felt happier as a corrupt, why be a bitch about it? keep your nonexistent nose out of others' business, dickhead! the corruption cant hurt you anymore. cry about it.

YES, THERE ARE ANIMALS!!! IN FACT I HAVE A VERY SMALL HANDFUL OF THEM WITH REFS ALREADY!!! for right now i have Monstercats (cat breed), Staryels (dog breed), Tri-pys (eel species), Septapora butterflies, Chirruplumes (bird species; ALSO TYYYYY ECLIPSE FOR THE NAME HEHEHEHHAAHAH >:D!!!!!!!!)

changes n shit,

"cubes" -> "squares" (to prevent confusion)

"mature" -> "stage" (it kinda rubs me the wrong way to call it "maturing" - because like, theyre still children. they have the same maturity as before, theyre not magically as mature as everyone else in the series just from a magical triangle being pressed to their body)

"Teal" -> "Cyanogen"

also misc fun facts

Heroes have an odd obsession with going through windows

Heroes (capital H) ≠ heroes (lowercase h) in writing; for Heroes (Tree-related) the H is capitalized as a respect/official thing, and also to not confuse Heroes with "heroes"- e.g. "that's the Heroes" vs "you're my hero"

The caretakers are also pretty respected obviously, but their titles aren’t capitalized. Why? Idk

triangles have a much stronger connection to the trees of life than other shapes which may or may not be how Barracuda and Dub made the corruption. ;)

after Dub is defeated, every year on the anniversary of that day the Heroes get in a circle and chant "its not over til its over" to each other for exactly an hour straight. the caretakers were VERY worried initially, and debated calling an exorcist or something- but theyve grown used to it after like the first 3 years. but it still scares the shit out of anybody else who's unfortunate enough to witness it

"add-on Heroes" (AKA Cyanogen and Bug) dont get a gradient in their design; they also have more sections in their hair. why? why the hell not

the Trees occasionally spread out seeds to other areas using the wind. these trees sprout irregularly fast, but other than those two points theyre really just normal trees. the Heroes however can tell what trees were sprouted by the Trees of Life, and they call those trees their siblings. because technically, they kind of are! <3

ima be completely honest i still have no idea what im gonna do with Dub post-corruption as of right now. i'll figure it out eventually though trust :pray:

also yes snake Gold is canon here <3 also bunny Orange

pure shapes top their "i"s with triangles; meanwhile corrupt shapes top their "i"s with octagrams

also Hatsune Miku is canon

and also Monopoly is canon too but its called Capitalism instead (thanks Ash the comm i got from u gave me the idea /sillypos)

SPEAKING OF ANIMALS. the Heroes DO have a few cat-like traits left over from Kitstate:

Bug has a habit to loaf when content

Gold's eyes slit when hes intimidated/angry/whatever (alongside the Cobra-Ish Floomf yea)

Orange's hair fluffs out when surprised/scared/angry/whatever (which is why he wears his hat a lot)

Cyan straightup growls

Tsavorite has a tendency to just, bite. bite and gnaw. Randomly.

Cyanogen is Cyanogen

theres more on the doc :3c

anyways

lowkey tpcblr should hae a showcase or somehting featuring various tpc rewrites by the community

idk just a thought

[three-fold-symmetry]

Day 3 of @subcodyweek - Prompt: Praise kink

They didn't train him for this on Kamino.

[what-aboutno]

An analysis on c!Owen and his behaviour throughout the Outsiders SMP series!

Some disclaimers before I go into this. There will be spoilers up ahead! I would like to warn anyone reading that this post will mention some blacklisted members from the smp because their characters play a role in showing us about cOwen.

For convenience, all the members mentioned are the characters, not the actual ccs themself. Some of this might seem all over the place, but when the characters learn random parts of themselves at different points it's bound to happen.

Owen has changed a lot as the series has progressed and many find his personality to have changed entirely towards the end, however, this isn’t really the case. When we go over his character, we can see his core values have stuck with him throughout the series, so in this post, I will go over how exactly he has changed over time and his character in general.

To make it easier, I’m gonna split it into 3 parts. Early maze days, the introduction of clearing 2, and post memories.

During the early maze days Owen establishes his character very early on. Right from the beginning, Owen arrives with the demon Rasbi. They are notably one of the three pairs that come up, with most coming up the elevator alone. The first time we see him, Owen immediately takes up a role as a protector, asking if Rasbi knows how to fight in case there is danger up ahead.

In this first section, we can also see that he acts a lot more childish and naive. He’s very emotional and easily upset by his past. He can be seen jumping on rocks with Mohwee and the others and crying on his first night over his loss of memories. The overwhelmingness of the clearing gets to him. This isn’t to say he is some weak, stupid or soft character though. 

Owen may be naive in believing things should be played in certain ways according to his rules but there are many instances where we can see he’s not stupid. First episode he can immediately recognise what knife Oeca is holding “Hey that’s a throwing knife right? No that’s a dagger” 

After getting more settled in the maze he asks about the maze’s agriculture, he mentions everyone is unarmed despite fearing the dangers in the maze. He starts asking about protection, armour, shields and notably, “So this place is safe on the inside? It's safe to walk at night?” He’s already worried for everyone’s safety here, he knows the maze is dangerous so is there anywhere that’s safe? 

Very early on his past also becomes a very important aspect of his personality. He is probably one of the first to remember anything significant about his past. By episode 2 he is getting flashbacks about how to make a bow. But he makes a javelin first, noting “I think I was a hunter. No, I was an archer. I was a hunter. I was a soldier? I was good at this.” He then proceeds to aim the javelin at Oeca’s name, because at this point he can’t fully trust Ocea. He is very quick to violence, although he doesn't want Oeca dead, he certainly can’t trust in him. 

Another important note is that Mohwee is one of the people in the clearing he respected and saw as someone with the ability to act. Which is why we get this interaction where Mohwee calls out “Owen.” and Owen replies with “yes sir”. His past even without his memories is important and ingrained enough he still acts like this, and this only continues as we go through this section.

The first time they go in the maze as a group is when Apo arrives. This is a very important moment for Owen because their first trip in the maze solidifies his personality throughout this section and maybe even the series. Oeca is shot because Mohwee was careless and brought anyone in. When the group comes back, Owen asks Graecie, “How many entrances are there to this maze?” After finding out this is the only one that opens, he refuses to let anyone get hurt again and starts blocking it off.

Trust and promises are very important to Owen here too because it's one of the key reasons he blocks off the entrance. It’s not just Oeca getting hurt, it’s the fact he promised Graecie he wouldn't go in. “I broke my promise.” He also takes Apo’s word very seriously in the mine when he tells Owen he didn’t pull the lever. Also because of this he only trusts himself to go in the maze.

When the entrance is blocked off Owen is quick to violence and threatens people if they try to get past him. After finding the old battle axe he starts using it to threaten and intimidate people. “Anyone who goes past this (the gate) i will attack”

“Anyone else that will, I will just cut down” are some of the things he says. He punches Mohwee for trying to get past him. When Oeca comes back after Mohwee’s disappearance, Owen follows him with that battle axe trying to talk.

Owen then goes on to say “I’m not looking for violence” and “I'm not collecting weapons this was instinctual (points at bow)” he doesn't want people to think he’s dangerous and he knows people are scared of him.

Even if he seems aggressive he still wants to protect others. Owen goes back in the maze to look for Mohwee after he randomly disappears on their way back. “My job is to protect people and I will do that to the best of my abilities. At every possible stage”

When Mohwee disappears Owen takes a massive risk to stay in the maze overnight to see if the gates would open. “The only thing I remember about my life Graecie, is that I was raised to protect people. That's all I remember. And I know it was dumb and stupid to go in the maze but if it got us a step closer to finding Mohwee. I was willing to make that risk”

So we’ve established that Owen cares about the people in the clearing even if he doesn't trust all of them, he wants to protect them and he will do it no matter what. It's the purpose he has given himself in order to be useful.

He knows it doesn’t work how he wants it to. People are scared and wary of Owen’s protection. There are multiple instances where he tells his voices, “They don’t get it,” because he knows people don’t trust his methods. His method of control is disliked by a lot of people. 

Ori is one of the main characters to go against Owen. Owen hates this because not only does it risk the safety of others but it goes against his main purpose he gave himself. He takes this job very seriously. So when Ori goes in the maze it’s no wonder Owen becomes very violent.

“Ori I'm seriously sorry I will break your legs and I'm very close to it. Are you gonna make me. “

He doesn’t see himself to be super aggressive though “People think I'm being really aggressive when I talk like ‘oh hey if you come near me I'm gonna break your legs’ but I'm saying it in the most friendly way I can, you understand that right? I'm not trying to be aggressive with that”

“I'm saying like if you do step in here I will have to break your legs. In like a very gentle and I'm very sorry I hate to inconvenience you but I do have to break your legs.”

When Ori sneaks into the maze, Owen talks a lot about his purpose. Things like “Don't, I'll fail them. They'll kill me. My entire purpose here is to stay by this door and stop you from coming in.”

Owen hates to know he is failing the purpose he has given to himself “When I discovered I was a soldier that's what I set myself to (protecting others) but what do I have to show for myself? I have tried my hardest to protect these people. And get they look at me and tell me I'm a tyrant” “you're not in control, who are you to say what happens?”

He would do anything, even if it meant sacrificing himself. As shown before when Mohwee disappears but also as he protects the gate after the second lever gets pulled he says “I'm going to protect them if I die in the process so be it”  

Another note before this section ends is that it’s not just Ori who opposes Owen. Sillvia also talks about Owen’s method of leadership.

Sillvia about Owen: Owen I think you would be great. If not for the fact that you have a militaristic mindset. I don't want to see your leadership spiral into a place where Apo wants. Owen I fear you and I want you to know that. I actually fear you and I don't say that about many people. And ruling should not be through fear. You are a terrifying individual and to see you be in a position of power would be a slope we cannot afford or gamble slipping down. We've seen you tussle with Ori. I know you're a strong individual. You could lead us quite well but it's the risk that comes with your leadership that I am not willing to risk. 

The perception Owen has of himself differs from how he comes off. It becomes more of an issue later but we can already see this happen. 

So as clearing 2 is introduced this is what we know about Owen. He was a soldier once, he wanted to protect people in the clearing even if it meant sacrificing himself. He’s nice to others but his methods are still aggressive and violent, ready to hold a weapon to someone if needed and Owen cares a lot about trust. 

With the introduction of clearing 2 we can see how Owen changes and develops. He’s very cautious of clearing 2 members because for all he knows they could have led the creature that destroyed half their clearing in on purpose. 

Owen also faces betrayal from Apo. We know trust is something Owen values a lot. It’s mentioned in the early days, and it’s a major part of why he feels so strongly about Apo lying. During the scene where Owen faces Apo after finding he pulled the lever that killed the second clearing, his main issue with Apo isn’t the fact that he killed people. It was the fact he lied to him.

“You lied to me. Why did you do it? No no no I don't care about the lever. Apo why did you lie to me? You're my friend I trusted you. I stayed there. I held your back when oeca said it was you. I put my name on the line. Because we stood together in the mine and I asked you to swear to my face that you didn't do it. And you lied to me. Im meant to be your friend and you lied.” 

You can also see what Owen values in a person when they discuss Apo’s punishment and Owen says there's 3 main things he did

- went into maze without group consent

- pulled the lever

- he lied

Owen only adds on at the end that he left Squidney.

With all of this too we see Owen for the first time back away from the job he gave himself. He backs away from leadership, we start to see how tired Owen is from the stress of it all. His reasoning has to do with his trust being broken.

“What's the point they're all liars. This entire place is filled with filthy liars. Every single person. All I've ever done is tried to protect them”

“Forget it. I'm done. I'm don't helping people. No I'm not villain, I'm not a hero I'm nothing.

From now on there is no leader of the maze. They put me in charge. My word means nothing to them I'm done.”

“How am I meant to protect them when I try and stop them with physical force im made out to be some kind of monster. When I try to reason with them I'm made out to be soft.”  

Owen being viewed as soft has always been something he’s aware of. People tend to think because he’s kind that they can do whatever they want (sneak into the maze etc) and this perception Owen is a soft person develops. Even if he’s emotional and kind we’ve seen before in early maze days he is not soft. 

Owen tries to ignore all his problems but with it he grows more aggressive than before. His tone changes when he speaks about other people to his voices.

“To visit him would be to acknowledge he exists. And right now the last thing I want to do is consider the fact that this thing lives and breathes and eats and sleeps under my feet. The sooner he wastes away and fades into nothingness the better. I don't see a life going forward with him in it” - Owen about Apo

“The more I look around these stupid 4 walls the more I'm reminded that he that. That I trusted him.”

"he's everywhere. It's like a disease. Like it festers. The outside looks fine and you look just below the surface and it's rotting vile and it's him”

Apo: Just give me a chance.

Owen: why should I? So you can have another tick to the long list of times Owen has naively believed there is some good in the people that infests this clearing? Oeca, mohwee, Bekyamon, Magic, Graecie, Ori, you, liars. All of you.

I’m not just putting quotes here just for you to see oh trust is important! But more so for you to see that Owen changes when his trust has been broken or when he sees someone as a threat. Some of these things sound very similar to what Owen would say when he gets his memories back. Because to Owen trust and protection are 2 very important values. When that is broken he can’t be certain someone isn’t a threat. 

With this change Owen does become more aware he isn’t the most approachable person due to his methods. I do want to bring up this quote first though 

"Can I kill someone? Ive been thinking about this recently I say I'm a soldier. But I've never actually killed anyone. All my life in these 4 walls I've spoken about security and fighting and I can't remember a time I've actually taken someone's life. What if I have to. What if it comes to that I don't think I could stomach it either. I doesn't feel like me. It's not me it's not who I am. No I can't. I'll only attack this person if they do something first. And even then I'll just aim to incapacitate" - Owen about Ash

This is an interesting quote from Owen knowing his later actions but it’s not that out of character. If we look at every flashback he’s had so far we can see the life of a soldier is not one he’s always wanted.

Owen to his dad: What if I'm not ready to be your protector? No It's what you've always wanted! What if I wanted to do something else? What if I don't want to be a soldier what about me when do I get to look out for myself.

However he is always ready to attack if he needs to, if it comes to it he would do anything to protect someone. I think that means to kill even if Owen doesn’t think so at this point. 

His notebook btw

Another note about his behavior is that because of how others view him he almost dies from the creature’s venom. Ayngel even said before Owen is more angry. Other people even though it sounds jokingly say Owen gets grumpy when people disrupt him, leading to no one but Soup to check up on him when he gets stung.

When Bek comes back he doesn’t hesitate to do the things he did before. He does what he thinks is right and protects Magic by aiming a javelin at Bek. He says he’s not violent but anytime he feels like he’s in danger he pulls out a weapon. He did it when he was in Soup’s basement, he does it anytime he hears about someone potetially harming Rasbi, and he did it when he heard Oeca attacked Graecie. 

Owen in general is a fighter at heart. Even if he says he doesn’t want to kill anyone he is still ready to attack. 

Owen: this isn't you Ori. You fight. That's what you do.

Ori: what are you talking about?

Owen: you fight people. When you don't get your way you fight. You and I are the same

At the end of this section, the group decides not to go back in the maze. They had lost Squidney, Oeca, Mohwee, with the presumption that Red, Apo and Graecie were either dead or dying. Owen is tired of it all “Every Time I've tried to protect someone they've ended dead Kyle” he tries to hope but he is so tired. This tiredness also explains some things that happen when he gets his memory back. 

So to summarise before looking at Owen when he gets his memories back, this is what we know about Owen. He wants to protect his friends, he believes in trust a lot, he is both seen as more aggressive and angry these days and soft at the same time, he wants to be a good leader but other people don’t listen. Not much has changed since the early maze days, but it’s a more solid character now. 

When the reunion comes around Owen in the story has finally had a moment to think about everything that happened between him and Apo. His main regret in the series was how he treated him even if he broke his trust. 

Owen loves to contradict himself a lot but it’s a very human trait he has. He has complex feelings about Apo, and Beks and a lot of people. Yet he’ll still offer his protection to them. It’s because of this the ‘sudden’ shift in personality he has becomes very shocking to the audience. 

Since right before he sees Apo, Owen is very emotional here. Very similar to how he was in the early maze days. It’s out of his character to hope for something like seeing Apo because he knows it’s very unlikely he’ll see him again. However he gives himself this hope, one more chance. 

When Owen regains his memories the tone shift is obvious. He acts less emotional, he seems more mature. But we do need to consider this is someone who just had a lifetime of memories shoved back in his head and his core values are so strong that Owen doesn’t hesitate to act the way he used to. 

There’s lots of similarities to Owen here to the one we’ve known. Like his purpose. He sets one for himself immediately after arriving in the clearing. Even as he talks to Apo about his past he talks about his purpose

“I had a purpose once. I was useful, vital, adored. And suddenly everything changed. The world grew tired of blood shed. When all you're good for is violence, when you've been breed into a killing machine, a nation of peace will toss you aside like a spent torch”

There’s an obvious difference here right? The man we’ve watched in the maze who wanted to protect his friends just killed his best friend. This is definitely a different person right? Yes and no. Owen hasn’t changed that much, and I'll explain why after we go through some more things. But it’s important to note that this isn’t a completely new person, this isn’t something that is unexpected when we go through the information we already have about Owen. 

“I know what you are, you are everything wrong in the world has to offer. You are the amalgamation of all the gluttony and lust of humans with the evil and cunning of demons. You stand as a testament to everything vile. You are a disease on the face of this earth and I am it's curse” 

Apo: this isn't you you've changed 

Owen: incorrect, this is me. The man you manipulated and lied was nothing more than a puppet driven by the instinct to survive. 

Owen wants protection for his friends. He goes to extreme lengths to keep people safe, so when he remembers demons as this evil creature that will hurt people for their own gain he wasn’t going to stand around and do nothing right? 

Surprising or not this is very in character for Owen if we look at everything else we have from the series. To him, he is still doing his job, the one he’s done since day 1 in the clearing. Just now the threat isn’t just the maze and the occasional person, it’s demons. 

The way Owen became a demon hunter is essential too. He used to live in comfort, and based on past flashbacks he was training to be a soldier even if he didn’t fully enjoy it. His mother was a poet and his father was a general. He had grown up hearing all about how terrible demons are, and he didn’t understand until his village had been burned down.

One negative interaction with demons had put this deep hatred in his heart for them. Before his memories returned he was ready to forgive Apo, he knew he wasn’t as dangerous as he made him out to be. But when the sudden influx of memory comes, he has this past knowledge that Apo is a threat. 

Since Apo had hurt Owen before this only adds to it. Remember Owen really values trust. Apo has broken that trust in the past, so everything combined and letting go of the final restriction it’s no wonder he kills Apo. 

Despite this ‘massive personality change’ Owen has, when he returns to the clearing he still makes sure Magic is safe. He doesn't tell people about the lava rising so he wouldn’t cause panic. He still cares about these people. 

But Owen starts to view all the demons as a threat, every demon in the clearing has done something to suggest they could be dangerous. The reason Owen kills Guts is because they poisoned the food at the feast, which led to Magic being poisoned. He carries out this duty for protection

I think another thing people tend to forget about Owen is that he's been slowly breaking apart trying to fit what others want from him as seen in the last section. And it took a major toll on him. His outburst at Magic is one of the ways shown to us how much stress he’s been under. Perhaps even guilt he’s been feeling.

Magic: if you don't you're just putting everyone danger by not leading us… in there…

Owen: danger? You want to talk about putting others in danger? All of this coming from who exactly? The woman who's clearing burnt down under her leadership? The woman who lied about that previous position of leadership as she lacked the spine to correct her friend when she lied? The woman who was tied up and left for dead by that same friend? The woman who swore to protect a stranger only to them shot down in front of her? What the woman who stood still as her friend was ripped apart beside her? Oh yeah the magnitude of your failures Magic is deafening. Do you hear it? When you fall asleep at night, do you hear the screams of the dead who's blood stain your hands? How do you cope? When you find out be a good friend and let me know would you? Been looking for a way to shut them up. 

Owen does try to justify his actions to his voices even if they don’t listen. He knows people here aren’t good. He’s known this since clearing 2 was introduced, but with his memories back he feels like he has to carry on this duty by killing the threat. That’s the only way to keep people in the clearing safe right?

Owen to voices: have you stopped to think why I'm doing this? You seem so attached to these creatures, why? What good have they done? These people aren't good people. None of us good people. We're all in here for a reason. Just because you haven't taken your rose tinted glasses off to see that doesn't mean the rest of us haven't. 

Like before he won’t let anything stop him, even if it means hurting a few people. He doesn't hesitate to pull out a weapon when he hears Ayngel might know him. He can’t risk anything ruining his plans because he can’t afford to. He’s so tired. I think at this point anyone that was a major threat to him he would kill. 

Ayngel: I feel like I recognise you. You and your face from somewhere 

Owen: oh? (Starts to pull out knife from his bag)

Ayngel: I've been having this thought and it's got me thinking (Owen pulls out a knife in case)

Ayngel: actually, honestly forget it. It's all a dream and I'm overthinking

The only exception to his thinking is Rasbi. Rasbi actually hasn’t done anything wrong to him personally. She’s one of the few people that didn’t break his trust but he still kills her. Why? 

First off he doesn’t see her as the friend he wanted to protect but instead as something he protected only to kill in the end to fulfil his duty. Her sister is the reason why he ended up in the maze, so even without Rasbi directly harming Owen in any way it’s enough for Owen to kill her. I’m sure any small mistake or detail would have led Owen to killing any demon, because it only proves his thinking. 

Owen barely survives after Rasbi attacks him. So as Owen starts planning how to kill Krow he starts going a bit insane. His room is a mess, his mind is a mess and he can barely stand it anymore. We really start to see him fall apart here

Owen: this yolk is a burden is a burden I can't carry for much longer. I'm tired. I want to rest. But I took a pact, I made a promise. A glorious death is his for who his country falls and either I or they thing will have to die before I stop. 

Something that’s brought up when discussing the idea of ‘Maze Owen’ is the fact that we can see ‘glimpses’ of him in different interactions. For example when Owen and Krow go out into the maze and Owen spots Puddy he makes sure Puddy doesn’t die by keeping him away. Even if he’s aggressive in the scene the fandom interpretation is the care he has for Puddy as ‘Maze Owen’ slipped through. But It’s not out of character for him to still show care for people after his memories are returned based on everything we’ve seen.

Before ‘killing’ off Krow, Owen does say this “There's no escaping who you are” Which is really interesting since most characters he’s interacted with will tell him in the maze you can escape who you used to be. Owen knows for a fact no matter what he does in life now he will never have anything outside the maze. Because the world doesn’t need him anymore. He kills the demons as his final act of service to the world because he has nothing else to offer. 

When Krow finally comes back and Owen gets hit in the head he says to the rest of the group “I was protecting you all.” and “You don't know what they're like! You haven't seen the outside world.”

Looking at his final moments we see that everyone that Owen has cared about doesn’t trust him anymore. They don’t believe his protection was needed. He’s told that he will not get out of this cell. He’s left alone in the silence of the cell. Finally with the time to think. He starts experiencing multiple flashbacks and it makes it hard for him to think. 

We’ve seen in the past how Owen deals with multiple flashbacks. It gives him a headache or causes him pain in some cases. He also becomes really emotional afterwards. This follows the same case. Except he starts to realize some things.

Krow: I know those eyes. That glint of desperation for approval but knowing it's never coming. We're more similar than you let yourself believe you and I

(Flash back ‘i was an archer.?’ ‘i was a hunter?’ I was a soldier)

“I was a tool. Used.”

He knows he’s going to die soon and he starts to panic. The most important line he says is 

“So what now? This is it!? I deserve to die in battle. I killed them. It was what I. Its just what I was meant to do. I was trained. Should i have? I should have. I should have. I can't think inside my head, it's split in two” 

“So what voices? What was I before then huh? Was that me? Is that who people trust? People trust that one. Old Owen. Yes? It wasn't me. That wasn't me” flashback about Apo first coming up

“I can't think. I can't. They trusted him. They trusted him but not me? My head…”

After this he pleads with Magic to let him out. Owen claims “I hurt them, I hurt my friends. Rasbi, Guts. And Apo, Krow I don't know why I did those things” He pleads and cries. And he's desperate

Owen: “No magic it's me please.” 

Magic: “You kill people owen”

Owen: “It wasn't me I'm sorry. I just wanted to keep people safe.” 

Owen: “Magic please don't go… no… magic. You can't do this.”

Magic: “I can and I am” 

I think when we look at these final clips there’s a very important thing happening. Owen is separating himself from the past. He can’t understand why his friends don’t trust him. Even though nothing has changed. To him his eyes have been opened to the dangers of demons and he fulfilled his purpose. 

Why does this separation even happen? This is where we move to the final part of this long analysis and look at theories. There’s no way I can say for sure this is right or this is wrong. I can only tell you what I think based on the material already there. 

So before I go into this I have to emphasize I am not saying you can't refer to earlier Owen as maze Owen to explain Owen at different periods of his life. I'm saying when we really look at it, maze Owen doesn't exist since they're the same person. 

So what am I talking about? The concept of ‘maze’ Owen has been around for a long time. Even ccOwen talks about his character like that. The idea that just because Owen didn’t have his memories that he was some sweet, soft guy that needs to be babied is something that affects a lot on how you view him as a character. 

'maze' Owen doesn't actually exist because it's a way that Owen has come up with to justify to himself how he could have cared for demons without shattering his ideals. This is confused with Owen have distinct personalities and missing how he hasn't strayed from his ideals since the start with his idea of protecting everyone.

To separate that period of Owen's life in the maze ignores the fact that the characteristics you see in Owen post reunion are the same from before but taken to the extreme.

He's always been capable of ‘evil’'. It's the same as every other character in the series. We don't separate them like we do with Owen. Every character in the series is inherently morally gray, they do things out of desperation to survive. You can never say someone is 100% good or bad. 

Owen’s same mindset of 'I need to protect the people I care about because they're in danger now' carries through. After the reunion in his head demons are no longer part of that group he wants to protect. 

The separation of 'maze' and post reunion Owen forgets even in the post memory phase he had the ability to love like 'maze' Owen had. He released Puddy, he started a small farm, he started to relax. It's all part of him.

In his final moments he says a few important things to note. The first being "I was a tool. I was trained. Should I have... I should have." And then right after "I can't think in my head it's split in two"

It seems some take this as 'maze' Owen coming back and fighting with Owen on should he have killed Apo and the others. However rather than 'maze' Owen coming back i think it's this internal conflict he has with himself and his ideals.

Before he says this he's getting flashbacks to the early maze days where he showed kindness to demons. Something he would never let himself do in the past outside the maze. And something he would never do after he remembers it all.

Then he says to the voices "Is that who people trust? Old Owen" while those memories are playing. The voices respond saying they miss that Owen and he replies "Yes? That wasn't me" this is possibly where it further adds to the whole 'maze' Owen is a different person thing.

Rather than facing the fact that his thinking doesn’t make sense anymore he separates himself from those memories. As soon as Owen accepts that demons are not these creatures that betray and kill you at any moment, his life has no purpose.

Owen’s thinking comes from the manipulation and propaganda he's been fed. In his final episode we get these quotes which show just how much his thinking revolves around protection and also showing what years of training did to him.

He understands he was a tool that was used. He's well aware everything he is doing may not have a purpose and yet he still plays this part. He can't break away from that thinking because if he lets himself, Owen has to face the fact that his whole life had no true meaning.

That is a terrifying thing to do. He has been in this environment for so long you can’t just take him out of it. 

Going over everything you can access in Owen’s pov, we know that before gaining his memories Owen is a person that cares deeply about his friends, he risks himself to protect them, he won’t hesitate to hold a weapon against someone he sees as a threat. Owen thinks trust is an important value to have, he takes it very seriously. But we also know that not everyone likes Owen and his leadership. He’s seen with a military mindset, people don’t want to upset him and it nearly costs his life.

Now let’s compare that with the Owen we get to know after his memories return. He wants to protect the people he deeply cares about, he risks himself to protect them, he doesn’t hesitate to hold a weapon against someone that he sees as a threat, only now the threat is demons. When we start looking at these differences, yes, Owen when he regains his memories is different, his tone changes, he murders people. But those core values we’ve seen throughout the series stay with him.

It’s one of the reasons why Owen can’t understand why no one in the clearing is on his side. He protected them against the threat they didn't know about. That is his purpose, and that’s what he’s good for. Remember right at the beginning of the series Owen sets his purpose to protect these people, now this is still the same. He views demons as a threat because he hasn’t had good experiences with them. Even if Apo became his friend in the clearing, Apo ends up lying to Owen, and betraying his trust. Guts became his friend but Guts tried to poison Magic. Owen has never fully trusted Krow and that distrust only furthers once he knows what Krow is capable of based on his experiences with demons.

So let’s go back to the previous question: who was it there? You’re probably thinking well how do you explain maze Owen and the chips. ccOwen has mentioned before that it's a possibility for the chips to alter memories. Maybe Starr suppressed those memories and maze Owen was there again. Or he was hit hard on the head right? Maybe his chip was damaged and it altered his emotions and memory.

There is too little known information to us as an audience about the chips in their head. We know they can supposedly make the outsiders lose track of time, alter their memories, their emotions and change how they act. But if the chips in their head is the explanation for everything then why does Owen remember killing his friends when he talks to Magic? He says it like he wasn't the one doing it, like he watched someone else do it. How do you explain his behaviour then? If the damaged chip really made him act like that then why do flashbacks still occur when he's in prison? He seems to have no control over those, so the chip must still work fine?

I think when we look at his character the maze has already changed him whether he likes it or not. There’s more doubt in him than before. He lets Apo go with extra time. He hesitated before he ran after him. No matter how small, he has changed.

But when Owen talks about himself in the past he makes this separation. The voices in his head won't stop calling for the guy they used to know, even though he's right here. I think Owen doesn't even want to acknowledge at one point he was friends with the demons he hated so much. 

In that prison cell all his ideals and values are facing him. Everything he's done and he's known has been a lie. I think he knows this but can't bring himself to acknowledge that. Would you admit what you thought for your entire life was wrong? That you killed countless for nothing?

When faced with death Owen becomes desperate. Which I think explains his behaviour with Magic. That is his last hope and he knows people like the older version of him. I don't think he's fully lying though when he says i don't know why I did those things. Not because maze Owen came back or anything but because in the maze he no longer has this duty but he still carries it out. He's so tired from it all and he wants to leave it behind but he can't.

So let's go over his death scene one more time. “My head it's split in two” I think the explanation for this is that he was just hit with a bunch of flashbacks of his first days. Right before this he also says ‘I was a tool. Used’ I believe in his final moments where he has a moment to think he starts to fight himself. Should he have done all this for a country that throws him away the second he's useless? He was trained to do this. But should he have really? That's what I think is making him say my head it's split in two. He's fighting his own views and alongside these positive memories it makes him confused. And overwhelmed.

It's important to note Owen doesn't have a single bad flashback about Apo and Rasbi. He doesn't think about the levers, he thinks about his friends that he met. That he protected.

The more flashbacks he gets the more defensive he becomes. “I'm right here you can't convince me otherwise” He doesn't understand why the Owen in his memories is trusted so much, even though they're the same person. In his mind he's doing what he's always done. protect.

“It wasn't me I'm sorry I just wanted to keep people safe” everything he says to Magic is half genuine and half lie. I don't think even Owen knows which parts are which. It's easier if he separates himself into the nice trusted Owen and who he is now.

No matter what in the end, that was Owen. Not Maze Owen but Owen who is desperate to live. He's tired of it all. He's finished his mission and he won't even get to see what he thinks will be an honorable ending for him.

Remember what Owen says to Apo? "The man you manipulated and lied was nothing more than a puppet driven by the instinct to survive."

So of course he'll do anything to survive even if it means playing up the truth.

It's hard to separate Owen into these neat boxes and say for sure that was Maze Owen at the end or that was full manipulation. Because like Owen everything is a bit grey here. Maze Owen wasn't the best person, he hurt his friends, people were scared of him. And post memories Owen isn't some misunderstood guy that needs babying either. 

My final thoughts on this debate is that in the end the one that pleads for his life is just Owen. To separate him and say it was Maze Owen doesn't allow you to understand how complex Owen is as a character. And continues to let you believe that Owen can't do anything wrong. Not understanding sometimes a good person is capable of this evil. To the end Owen still believed he was doing what was right and that was protecting the ones he cared about. So has anything really changed since the start?

[icewindandboringhorror]

boy in silly sitting positions compilation

[fisheito]

"makotolookinass"

the intersection of nu: carnival and free! fans that are all here because of our favorite green haired hunks (himbos?) is so funny

but it kinda makes sense given that both nu: carnival and free! are both at their core about caring about the people closest to you and prevailing internal struggles

dang , anonn, you really cut thru all the glamours of distraction

in brief contrast, i feel like a simple creature. one who was dragged into the intersection simply because i saw some dudes with Unlikely Physiques

[victorygrasped]

ramyatta roleswap au extracts

Pairing: Ramattra/Zenyatta word count: 1533 Notes: some extracts from a hypothetical fic of my ramyatta roleswap au, ramblings/explanation ab it here on twitter! Takes place in a time similar to current canon. Ramattra meeting Zenyatta for the first time since the latter left Shambali

There.

Hidden within the shadows of chaos and discord he noted the lone omnic. Such a beautifully simple model. Face plates serene, original purpose lost to the tides of time forever to remain a mystery.

It may have been decades since he had lived his first life as a Ravager beneath Anubis’ command, built and taught for war, but he had never truly gotten rid of the lessons he’d been bestowed from that time. Unable, and more privately, unwilling, to part with such valuable knowledge, regardless of the pain and grief they brought. to him.

Every part of him that had once been a general hummed in approval at the sheer brilliance displayed by Null Sector. After all, who could possibly suspect the ruthless and feared leader of Null Sector to be such a passive appearing garden variant omnic? A perfect disguise. Ingenious. One of the millions, doubtlessly unremarkable and unimposing to any fool who didn’t know better.

But Ramattra knew. Knowledge irreversibly and deeply etched into his code and his chassis. For a moment, he'd forgotten he lacked the lungs required to breathe, his air stolen by the mere sight of the other omnic. Wires and circuits long frayed sparking to life in answer to his awestruck state.

He stole, needed, a second longer to collect himself. Forcing himself to tear his optics away from the omnic and towards the sounds of gunfire and explosions, the rubble and ruin, just around the corner. A pointed reminder of his task at hand. Ulterior motives had to wait, he could not afford to dally when his allies and his people were in danger.

(Even as logic dictated his moves, he could not stop the sheer ache within his chest cavity. How long had it been since he'd last seen the omnic? He knew, of course, down to the last millisecond. How long he had waited for this moment, since their promise. Because it had been a promise, hadn't it?)

"I see that you've been quite busy since last we've met, Zennyatta," his voice kept carefully light as he walked into the omnic's line of sight, closing the distance between them with easy steps, his grip on his shepherd staff hiding the faint tremor that ran through his hands and discord raging within his core. He had no doubt that the other hadn't noticed him yet, that he had chosen to wait for Ramattra to make the first move and it ached.

It felt as though an eternity passed before Zenyatta turned his head towards him, looking up at him. Their kind had no faces for expressions, and though some had chosen modifications to mimic them, that applied to neither of them. Still, they had body language. They had their energy.

The relief and sheer delight in Zenyatta's form could have had him weeping, had he chosen to give himself that ability.

"Ramattra," Zenyatta murmured, and oh. How long it had been since Ramattra had last heard that voice utter his name. How dearly he had missed it.

"I don't suppose I could simply put a cease to this destruction so that we may talk in peace, could I?" wry amusement colored his tone, otherwise kept steady. For all the discord within him, he could never forget his place and his duty. He couldn't bring himself to bear the guilt of trying, as much temptation rang at his door. Years of biting his tongue, metaphorically, engrained deep. Still, he did not look away from Zenyatta, the one indulgence he could excuse. His optics carefully drinking in every inch of the other omnic, quietly, desperately.

Zenyatta laughed at his quip, painfully familiar and causing warmth to bloom in his system. He hadn't even realized how cold he'd felt moments before.

"It is good to see you, Ramattra."

"Likewise," he replied immediately, because it was. Undeniably, truly, was. But his voice quieted, a heavy sigh falling out, "I only wish we could have met again under better circumstances."

"I had noticed you were not there when Brother Mondatta condemned me."

Ramattra huffed, shifting where he stood as he glanced away, "You will find that I have held… uncertainties over some of Master Mondatta's opinions for far longer than you have."

"And yet," Zenyatta's gaze passive yet sharp, "It is only I who has decided to act upon our doubts."

"Do not be so emboldened as to assume me a fool, brother," oh, if only he could smile. Image of humans doing the same dancing at the corners of his mind, thin lipped and weary. The thought brought him to a slight pause. He'd been surrounded by far too many humans of late in search of Zenyatta, "Of course I have considered… alternative methods. Not all of my pilgrimages and ventures out of the monastery were particularly peaceful. You, of all people know that."

"So you must forgive me for failing to see why you would wish to stop me."

"There is nothing of you to forgive, for there is nothing I haven't already forgiven," his voice was quiet. A terribly foolish thing to admit, but he could not bring himself to lie to Zenyatta on his. He could lie to others and to himself, but not Zenyatta.

A foolish thing. But then again, he'd always been a bit of a fool around the other omnic. Perhaps it ought to be of relief to find that that much had not changed between them.

"You fight for our people, you fight for our lives," Ramattra continued, emboldened, "I know you take no joy in the violence, in the destruction. I know that you subjugate yourself and those innocent to it not out of sadism, not out of some corrupted coding, but out of desperation. Out of fear and care. You act out of love. Love and deep grief," he was certain, because he felt the same. It was so horribly easy to see them side by side in another life, sowing discord in vain hopes to bring order and peace, "How could I possibly resent you for loving our people?"

“I only fear that you will only find pain and failure upon this path,” Ramattra murmured, his head tilting to the side. His hand curling around his crook and small whir of a sigh, betraying his unease, “I should know, brother."

“Failure is acceptable, giving up is not,” Zenyatta countered, words spoken far too artificially for him to take any comfort from them, “If I am to give up now, then what message could possibly be imparted? That the will of omnics is flimsy? Breakable?”

“That we are not adverse to peace,” he replied evenly. The implication of frustration shown in the terseness of his chosen tone, the stiffness of his body, if only his exhaustion wasn't made much clearer, "We have fought for it for far too long to give it up. It is not right of us to undo the progress that Master Mondatta and the Shambali had worked for-"

"Master Mondatta left us before he could succeed," Zenyatta said quietly, so surely and it was the first time Ramattra could remember feeling anger towards the other omnic.

"Do not try to imply that change can die with one being," he snapped, harsher than he'd intended, but the images that'd been haunting him ever since he'd realized just exactly who was in charge of Null Sector burned bright and vivid in his processors. His anger held naught in comparison to the paralyzing fear he felt at the mere idea of Zenyatta's demise.

“I can't lose you!” Ramattra snapped, hands spasming in place, body frozen from overwhelming emotions before suddenly moving, lunging forward and grabbing onto Zenyatta's shoulders. His height had him towering over the other omnic, yet still, he felt as though he were on his knees, “There is only so much I can do, there is only so much I can handle. I am sorry, I am sorry and I can only beg for forgiveness for such weakness but please,” his voice module distorting as his composure, usually so proudly maintained and kept, turned to ash before them.

Foolish. Idiotic. Truly weak. Was there anyone he could save? He could not save Mondatta. He could not save their people. And now, he was failing to save Zenyatta. How pathetic could he be? How low could he fall?

“I cannot bear the weight of your loss,” desperation poured from each of his words, yet even then, his touch remained gentle. Far too gentle. Restrained and controlled, as he was taught and as he had learned, “Do not ask that of me, I will not be able to."

He could force Zenyatta to stop. He could physically restrain the more fragile omnic and take him far away. For his own good, for all of their good.

But Ramattra would not. No matter how part of him ached to demand. To take. To be. He could not. It had been so long since he was allowed to want for himself, he had forgotten how.

“Please, Zenyatta,” he pleaded, words barely recognizable past the static, because begging was all he had left, “I cannot lose you too.”

[screamingay]

tumblr never changes. wow

[ohmaggies]

not afraid of oc posting anymore <3 (person who is still afraid of oc posting </3)

[duskerot]

i got SO inspired by this beautiful photo by Ron Frazier so i decided to paint it !! and then throw some guys on there cuz of course

u can look below the cut if you want to see the painting without the characters !!

MY PAINTING !! this was so fun fr i love painting light <3 might go ahead and post this separately but for now you must look at these ocs ok?

[vitiateoriginator]

Ok so I'm either going insane or I lost a fuck ton of followers recently and I don't even know why

[cavity-collector]

i genuinely need to be put down like a dog i cant do this anymore man holy shit