#3rd time I want to act!!!!
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the only way i can be assertive is to be really angry
That's why I like anger (when it's righteous not unjustified and hurtful) because it actually gives you energy while fear freezes you
Sometimes people are completely impervious to gentle and polite assertions of boundaries and you have to be clear in a way that is blunt and clear with no room for negotiation and it's the worst thing in the entire world and I hate it so much
#Freeze is what I do#Few times I could actually stand up for myself--#And it was great#Makes me want yo br mad al thr time#Anger gives energy and life#Otherwise I have no natural energy#Retiring ugh#-- when people take money from me-- this was online but#I would not let that go til I got my money back#When I put myself between my sister and her ex she was supposed to have no contact with and told him to leave#After that intruder and it was stressful week and I just wanted to relax w my horse#That guy was using my brushes!!!#I was mad and yelled at him#You don't do that without asking#He said "I'm sorry you're so mad. Like!?!?#I'm glad I confronted him I want more of that bottled lightnig plz#I hate how frozen I was those 2 times those men touched me when I was sitting down tired 20 years apart#Gross older men#3rd time I want to act!!!!#When else. . Mad at my sisters ex again before he left#I confronted my sister when she went back to him and I was babysitting jocie at her apt#And she threw all my things out in the hall and I had to go the te church my aunt was volunteering at#My computer to th food party down the road a few blocks also from their house#(My aunt died a few years later ;( she was the best#When else--
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#he doesn't want to fight with you ai di, he wants to Kiss🙄💘🥺
Nat Chen as CHEN YI KISEKI: DEAR TO ME (2023)
#kiseki: dear to me#kisekiedit#kdtm#kiseki dear to me#chen yi x ai di#ai di x chen yi#nat chen#chen bowen#louis chiang#chiang tien#jiang dian#userspring#uservid#userrain#userspicy#userjjessi#*cajedit#*gif#okay i made this specifically for the 3rd gif bc chen yi's expressions are making me giggle nonstop i was doubled over in tears last night#HE JUST WANTS TO KISS!! AI DI HE LOVES YOU LET HIM HIT IJDKSKG#okay real talk though the fact that he actually gives ai di space 90% of the time. lets him hang out at the bar#like he isnt following him around or constantly dogging him about giving him an answer not does he ever rly ACCUSE ai di of anything#he uses the zhang teng excuse to keep ai di from avoiding him but he doesnt try to keep him where he can see him constantly.#he lets ai di do his own thing and just spends time connecting the dots during the moments ai di comes back of his OWN VOLITION#& he slowly puts together what ai di is refusing to admit and makes his own intentions known without putting them in words either#besides stating his observations (& watching ai di react). Every interaction between them when ai di gets out of prison is like that#gifs 1&2 vs 4&5... letting ai di pull away because he doesnt know whats going on vs pulling him back both to say hey we arent done-#& say im still here FOR YOU - to see how ai di reacts being so close to chen yi after finding him hugging his jacket in his sleep#and then once hes Figured It Out he still keeps the space!! sends gifts... he only Acts when ai di comes back to him himself!!!!#and this time he's READY. and a simp. like. PLS the last 2 gifs..........dude. he wants to kiss so bad
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compiled whatever this is (and I run out of tag space)
meh HoT gifs (3/?)
#alek gifs#ninjago#ninjago krux#ninjago acronix#hands of time#time twins#alternate title to this series is : stuff i noticed after watching this season 10 whole times#okay actually thats a lie. i realized this the 3rd time around#i think of acronix and how he barely makes any decisions for himself and i go crazy#ppl equate that with him feeling forced to do stuff.. uh hes always been a follower guys!!#cue him calling wu “master wu” even after the twins betrayal. him liking machia bc shes “mean” and bossy#he has no issue with following orders lol. prepare for a long acronix rant one day#contexts -> gif 1 barely counts i just wanted to include him looking at krux. he does this a lot during that fight#gif 2 is before they kill blunck and raggmunk (idk how to spell their names still ... sorry)#gif 3 is before they were going to kill wu in the golden hour legacy short. which is canon !!#gif 4 is before they sent themselves into the temporal vortex#that one post that was like “are we still doing revenge? yeah? cool” bc thats basically acronix#there is something fundamentally wrong with these two's brains but idk how to describe it#krux who literally lost his mind after losing his brother to the point he adopted an entire identity#“he just needed to go undercover!!” counter point as soon as acronix came back he was unable to pretend to be saunders. he acted super weird#like when kai was in the museum he couldnt pretend to be this person he wasnt. acronix was back !!! so was he. krux was 100% going to kill#the smith sibs if maya and ray didnt comply. also.. canonly they knew him when they worked as teachers back in s3. he watched them grow up#and pretended all was well meanwhile their parents were being forced to work and slave away to build the iron doom. he is not normal#then you have acronix who thrives off of violence and is described as throwing himself into battle like a blunt object. has no regard#for himself as a person and just takes (almost) everything his brother says as gospel. s7 couldve done smthn really cool with how#the only thing the twins ever really disagreed on was technology. also ive went on a semirant about how krux's hatred for tech was misplaced#hatred for losing acronix. wanted to travel to the pre modern era? okay well whyd he pick 40 years ago specifically. also NOTE that they#went back after their past selves had lost. they wouldve faired better if they went and helped their past selves. also the reversal blade#had already fallen so when the twins went back in time there was two kruxes. he literally went back to when he had been all alone for the#for the first time. he went back to when his life was ruined and his brother was gone!! but he had nix with him this time . ughdhf
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i see, so poly romances were a lie
#sleeping with halsin while being in a 'serious' relationship with a single other companion is NOT poly 😐#listen i just wanted my TAV to be sandwiched between two stronk ladies (karlach and lae) is it too much to ask he's a good boi 😭#i kind of get it lae is just like that but also it was kind of funny how literally everyone else instantly backed off 😅#including astarion and shadowheart#and karlach said it broke her heart this game instantly put me off trying to romance more than 1 LI at a time forever i guess#gonna go back to my d.urge playthrough and figure out the single companion i wanna romance#yes i am playing 2 playthroughs at the same time what about it yes i was in act 1 for 2 weeks#i am about to start a 3rd playthrough even#tho in co-op with a friend#lie.txt
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Autocorrect stop changing "Quirrel" to "Squirrel" challenge: Impossible.
#hollow knight#quirrel#i am writing a fanfic. i haven't written in years#i have 24k words written rn#does anyone still follow me from when i wrote fnaf fanfic in like 2019??#if so hi. also sorry. this will be absolutely nothing like my fnaf fics#i am writing in ~3rd person~ now instead of cringe second person POV#also this is a vent fic so it's just gonna be sad asf most the time then it will be hurt/comfort and recovery so like.#not even gonna post it to tumblr#but if you know my ao3 account you know#im not against giving it out i just think 0 people will want to read this#it's not up to my normal quality but if i made it my normal quality it would double in size to fix pacing issues#i'm doing lots of telling and not showing/dialogue because it needs to move faster#and not be a 100k burn of hurt and pain then slow recovery#instead it will probably be around 30k when i'm done#plus i feel so sick dwelling on the first of my 3 acts i can't stand to edit it anymore it's making me depressed#i have a like normal HK fic i started forever ago that's mostly just angst but I would be actually proud to share it if i finish#had to write a fight scene. realized idk how to write a fight scene. got writer's block and abandoned it. rip#also i do have a fnaf fic i want to finish eventually but it's soooo old rn#but it's super silly and fun
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me: I'm the closest I've ever been to finishing my first full playthrough of Baldur's Gate 3. The end has got to be less than 20 hours away. also me: now is the perfect time to start a new playthrough
#if I listen to Other Me it will be the 3rd time I restart#just something about being in Act 3 makes me want to keep starting over what is it#is it that I'm practically married to Act 1 and I miss her?#or is it that I'm Hank Hilling this with my love of delaying gratification?#help 😭
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[Image description : the “You’re crying from home alone/the old man got to me” meme. The text has been edited to read “You’re crying from the wikipedia page for Georges Bizet?” “The fact that he died young thinking his magnum opus Carmen was a failure even though today it’s one of the most played and beloved operas in the world got to me.” “All right.” /End description]
so i got very emotional about a long dead composer today
#one thing about me is when i'm not thinking about carmen sandiego i'm thinking about carmen bizet#carmen 1875#I GUESS#don't worry m. bizet it's the best opera TO ME. and to a whole bunch of people#he died 3 months after the premiere (which actually happened on the 3rd of march!) and at the time no one liked it!#the subject shocked the audiences! it was complicated! bizet wanted the singers to act differently than they were used to!#he died thinking it was a failure. i'm. man i'm not over it#and then just a few months later people loved it! but he never knew it#(full disclosure i read like. the wikipedia page about him and nothing else. yet. so i'm not the most well informed person about his life)
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Imso tired man. I'm so tired. Why do I work this hard I am so FUCKING over this shit
#this other bitch out here like haha woopsie i forgot to clock out for lunch even though ive been out for two hours :)#guess ill leave early today! heehee#YOU DONT DO ANYTHING. YOU FUCKED ME OVER YET AGAIN#i am SO FUCKING SICK of this shit. why do I have to be the one to suffer#why do i have to be the person who doesnt get a say in fuck all even though im doing THE MOST WORK#and then i have to sit here and act like she fucking knows what shes talking about wrt animals#IM THE ANIMAL KEEPER. I KNOW WHATS GOING ON IN THIS DEPARTMENT BETTER THAN YOU#Im going crazy fucking insane right now#my coworker is out sick so ive had to do shit scheduled for three people. me. One person#and then im told shit like its just one class! ITS NOT#i have to break them up into two because its too big of a group#then i say ok we are doing reptiles over here#and shes like oh ummmm someone has it reserved for this time so can you do it in [place that is extremely loud]#and im like yeah ok fucking sure FINE#and then we get there and someone else is like ummmm we were told to est here for lunch by [her name]#and i radio her like UMMMM??????????#and shes like Oh woopsie i did tell them! you can do it at ummmm [3rd place]#im like yeah thanks for fucking wltting me know#Sorry im sorry thus is so extreme and petty but im like DROP DEAD#youve made my work life hell when it doesnt have to be because YOU SUCK AT YOUR JOB#FUCK!!!!!#YOU get to have a social life becaus you do whatever the FUCK YOU WANT#YOU get paid way more than me to do FUCK ALL#YOU dont have 30+ living beings depending on you every day#shut the fuck UP#I am so mad that i work so fucking hard and it doesnt fucking matter#so yeah sorry for starry spam but i think hes nice and right now the only thing keeping me from fucking losing it at work#along with a 1 min video of kookaburras im plahing over and over
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Baldur's Gate 3: please, babe, don't do this to me! you haven't even finished at least one playthrough!
me, buying Elden Ring: don't do what?
The Witcher I played only for 3 hours and never touched again:
#yeah sorry i physically cannot bring myself to finish any game#but with the witcher it was actually a very sad story bc every time I wanted to play the game fucking russians decided to bomb us#so i was forced to pack my things and go to the bomb shelters#and then i was so used to it i just gave up trying#and then we had regular blackouts so no electricity for 12 hours per day#and then i needed enough storage to install bg3#but then i reached the 3rd act and just... ugh#baldurs gate 3#bg3#elden ring#the witcher#the witcher wild hunt
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finished rewatching s2. inconsolable
#DUDE THEY LIKE K. THEY K THEY KKKKISSED FOR REAL IM GONNA KILL MYSELF!!!! sorry i shouldn't say that#im literally fighting demons (the urge to say kms) every minute of every day there's just nothing else that has enough feeling#this was the 3rd time i watched this season and the 4th time i watched the confession scene im so.#i try not to rewatch stuff too much coz i dont want it to become like stale but im STILL barely#able to process most of the words they're saying coz im too distracted by images and sounds tm tm tm#acting is literally real........ i need to be sedated#it's 3am👍👍👍 my neighbours must fucking hate me I've been non stop screaming for two hours#barking#good omens#gomens
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boy cat is like 🥺🥺🥺🥺"why won't you pet me?? your darling boy?? your gentle son?"🥺🥺🥺 and I hate that I literally cannot tell him that it's because he keeps smacking my daughter in the face every time she goes up to him to say hello
#and it's intentional not an accidental thing#void girl is all gentle and innocent going up to him doing the sniff thing and he acts like she's gonna bite his face off#full force claw slap#this is the 3rd time he's done this I wish I could beam my thoughts into his little brain#and tell him *if you want to enjoy the benefits of free food and water you're gonna need to not claw my daughter's eye out*#I'm surprised that she's still cool with him she is so forgiving
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Bro I’m </3 thinking too hard </3
#vent#ugh. artfight. bullshit. fucking shit#I would rather have banter with my friends than draw for people that don’t care#but alas. the all consuming art game#I love drawing for people in theory but I hate how it makes me feel. do you understand what I mean by this#idk what it is but the fact art fight starts TOMORROW has me feeling like a worthless sack of shit#and that feeling is only heightened by the fact that everyone is going to be invested in it while I fucking crumble for what? the 3rd?#4th year in a row?? god. fucking sucks. I get so in my head with this bullshit every year. but I want to do it#ugh. awful. and I feel worse when people make me things and then I don’t get to send something back#awful gross beast. and now I’m just feeling worse thinking about other things. I’m so overwhelmed#and not a damn person to talk to cus 1. there’s no one to listen and 2. I can’t articulate my feelings! I don’t understand myself!#the only reason I know how to act is because I do research for my fucking characters! I’m my own fucking character!#and I wish someone was there to make me feel special like how I (hypothetically) make my ocs feel!!#ugh. whatever I’m cool and fine and dandy and NOT on the verge of tears and I’m going to eat fucking jellybeans#am I going to have a breakdown every time there’s a Holliday or event? I canNOT be caught feeling like a fucking ball of lint every#valentines day dawg. I can’t be that person. I already did that one time too many ok#how’s it feel to have people enjoy talking to you? cus I’m either too much or not enough for people
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TAGS. (Draco)
If I was You; I'd want to be Me Too. || Crack
The Primadonna life; the Rise and Fall. || 1st-3rd Year
One track mind; One track heart; if I fail; I'll fall A p a r t. || Draco (musing)
Feels like I'm the worst; So I always act like I'm the best. || 4th-5th Year
One day; I'll change my ways; 'Til then; I'm stuck in this space. || 6-7th Year
I found my Way; Right time; Wrong place; as I pled my case. || Post-Hogwarts
My heart's so Calloused; I'm Broken; Bruised; and Damaged. || Draco Malfoy (tbd.)
Don't you let them see your struggles; hide your tears. || Malfoy musing
#The Primadonna life; the Rise and Fall. || 1st-3rd Year#Feels like I'm the worst; So I always act like I'm the best. || 4th-5th Year#One day; I'll change my ways; 'til then; I'm stuck in this space. || 6-7th Year#I found my way; right time; wrong place; as I pled my c a s e. || Post-Hogwarts#If I was You; I'd want to be Me too. || Crack#One track mind; One track heart; if I fail; I'll fall A p a r t. || Draco#Don't you let them see your struggles; hide your tears. || Malfoy musing
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playing elden ring sounds great until i actually have to play elden ring
#ramblings#i want to know whats in the dlc but i dont want to play the game (because the combo of open world & Difficult destroys me)#and i dont want to watch a youtube video about it (i need to experience this myself someday)#so i am at an impasse#this isnt a cry for help or anything i just need to express my every thought on the internet#with other open world games with level progression ive always ended up underlevelled#witcher 3 i got to b&w 3 levels below recommended. i started act 2 of bg3 at like lv5.#i play dragon age inquisition with an exp boost mod for THIS EXACT REASON#but with all of those games you can just set your difficulty to easy and power through#i like a lot about elden ring#and that one time i did a little competition w my brother to see who would beat more bosses (we ended in a tie) was funny!#him running through the castle in one try and then getting stuck on the boss while i struggled with the castle and beat the boss on my 3rd#incredible#but then i had to start over. and ive been stuck at the fucking second major boss. THE SECOND ONE. ever since#but thats life baybee
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U DID GREAT BOO
#…!? steph moved!#the voice acting……damn……#the shit i willingly subject myself to multiple times#''i never want to see this again'' i say as i go thru the entire series for the 3rd time
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Bonus: Movies are actually written in such a way that account for the limited time they have. At least the good ones and older movies are. There's more and more "dead" time in modern movies as the writers have to pad things out to hit the 120-150 minute mark studios demand.
#it's like studios want movies to be 3+ hour long stage plays#only without intermission and opting for quick cuts so viewers don't get bored#6-8 episode mini series are in a weird point where it's not enough time for a tv show and way too long for a movie#so with a few exceptions it's just... bad#especially if worldbuilding is needed so it's either ignore it or exposition dump#but then if a show can be binged in 1 or 2 days they don't have to pay out as many royalties#and if it comes down to keeping more money or producing something people like we know where studio execs fall#(see also: netflix cancelling or rebranding shows for their 3rd season to reset the 3 season threshold)#(once you know about how rebranding the third season acts like cancelling a show so netflix doesn't have to pay out you see it everywhere)#(all the benefits of cancelling a show in season 1 or 2 but keeping the audience around and the cast locked in a contract)#shows written to be aired on tv now have better writing since they're afforded 8-12 episodes to get everything in#which is spread out over months for a weekly release#instead of 6-8 episodes being dropped at once and designed for people to binge in 1-2 days#that's just an awkward amount of time to develop the world/characters#especially when studios cheap out on the writer's room and crunch them so a show/season has to be knocked out in a fraction of the time#i have a theory that one of the reasons for all the reboots/remakes/adaptations aside from nostalgia is#that it gives the writers content to pull from so they don't have to start from square one#since it takes time to come up with a world/characters/story from scratch#and studios don't want to pay for what takes months if they can pay for weeks instead#plus all the legal stuff they can pull if they get a license for an older/lesser known ip#which may include pulling the whole thing years down the road once the license is up so while they may not make any more money from it#they don't have to pay royalties at the full amount anymore either
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