#I miss them so much and it kills me. it causes me physical pain to not have them with me

[emometalhead]

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[tanoraqui]

Dungeon Meshi Liveblog: I thought I wasn't going to have strong opinions about the Laios-Shuro fight, but...

Laios was right about this! Yes, they had 2 physical fights first, but it's important to note that Laios was right about this!

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^ -man who would literally kill to stay in this room and observe this private conversation.

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Sir, your unfaltering little wide-eyed, amiable smile while seriously considering topics that are obviously un-smile-worth has charmed me utterly. I wish to study you like an climate-entomologist yearns for the butterfly that causes storms.

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She seems fine.

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If I start screencapping Laios's and Marcille's faces in this fight, I will never stop because literally every panel is devasting.

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Kuro has done distinctly the most damage so far this fight, just stabbing and gnawing, and I think we should recognize and appreciate that fact.

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I really miss the animation we got of Rin's lightning blast slicing narrowly past Laios.

I love how fast, if reluctantly, Laios accepts that if - not, that Falin is a true "monster", inhuman and hurting people relentlessly and unapologetically, and thus she needs to be killed before she kills them, like any other monster. I also love that Marcille doesn't accept this. Characters!

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+1 to qualification to kingship! Kabru is one again surprised (you can tell by how he's not smiling) (though this might also be due to the significant injuries he just took).

I do have several emotions about how Falin immediately yanks away and kills Kabru, without touching Laios. That's her brother!!

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I really like this little cluster because it says to me that Shuro still has very good "do what Marcille says when she abruptly shouts magic-related directions in combat" instincts. He's a mirror of the "You're already on the Christmas card, buddy" meme - more like, "You're still on the Christmas card." Just like Namari: no one really stops being fond of, and battle companions with, these weirdos.

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I think the most painful part of this probably is that Marcille isn't certain. Maybe this IS her fault. At minimum, she knows she might have mixed the dragon's soul into Falin's, which enabled this even if it didn't create it. But she can't 100% rule out the possibility that it's more her fault than that - which is, of course, the absolute worst thing to say to all of these people looking at her violently askance for using dark magic.

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yeahhhhhh "Lunatic Magician" REALLY lacks the oomph of "Mad Mage"

ANGRY LAIOS! It's such a rare expression on him, it's exciting to see.

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Yesss look at my man Chilchuck use available tools in his environment and save this little goober who thinks it's cool to resent adults.

I really like how they show the social consequences of dark magic. Much beyond Shuro's anger: the other mages are now shutting Marcille down, especially where resurrection magic is concerned. She's made herself untrusted by her peers, whether or not the magic she used on Falin is truly "evil."

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I really enjoy the, like, narratively obligatory, not actually real (well, maybe to Rin) "will they-won't they" between Kabru and Rin. In the story that this isn't, where Kabru is the protagonist with his quirky gang of found family who are helping him save the island and prevent another bloodbath like in his angsty backstory, she IS the One (Human) Female on the Team who is obviously his love interest - often the first to challenge him, battle mage rather than healer ie a Strong Female Character who nonetheless doesn't use unfeminine brute force, forced by happenstance to kiss...

Alas! Kabru is not the protagonist of this story, so Rin shall remain disappointed.

Also this montage of people healing and reuniting while in the background Laios and Shuro whale on each other remains SO funny. Flawless comedic timing.

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Alright, hot take time: I feel like all the debate I've seen about the Shuro/Laios fight depict it as revealing the friendship basically shattered, and never real in the first place. Whereas I'm mostly warmed by how real it clearly was despite everything that just happened?

Shuro is operating on no food and less sleep, desperate to save the woman he idolizes without truly understanding her loves, who is now apparently a monster who nearly slaughtered his most loyal followers. In the past like 2 weeks, Laios has: watched his sister die to save his life (his little sister, whom he is supposed to protect), walked headfirst into a nigh-unwinnable fight to get her back, held her skull in his hands, got her back and held her in his arms, lost her again about 6 hours later in an even more unwinnable fight, which was proven even more unwinnable when the Mage twisted the dungeon itself against them, saw her again but as a murderous monster now (which might be due to the magic he agreed to use to resurrect her), swiftly and sternly resigned himself to fighting and potentially killing her (his little sister! whom he is supposed to protect!), had her recognize him (and no one else!) despite her monstrosity, watched her be killed (again!) in part thanks to him distracting her, except it didn't work and then she fled.

This is an immature, ignoring-immediate-needs (ie, food, healing) knock-down drag-out fight between two men at the absolute ends of their ropes, who, sure, have built-up resentments against each other and the world, and an inciting incident pushing them over the edge - but mostly neither of them can punch in the face the fact that they can't save Falin. So they punch each other instead.

I won't even address the prologue to the fight, where Laios tells him about the black magic and Shuro promptly tries to strangle him then levels a sword at him. Kabru already nailed that: Shuro was worried about Falin - that the magic had hurt her, that the social consequences would be worse. Laios knew this enough that he didn't fight back, then. But now?

The first shove is Shuro demanding, Don't you fucking DARE give me false hope.

I cannot emphasize enough how hard I would also slap someone for suggesting that I wasn't taking the death and monsterization of my younger sibling seriously.

Shuro knows it, too. He doesn't respond to this, he just punches, and Laios punches back. Shuro doesn't speak again until Laios knocks him all the way down, and

Shuro is at his absolute depth. The lowest point he (feels that he) can go. He cannot save Falin. He's shamed himself as a leader and heir by getting his people killed (they got better, but that's beside the point.) He's been beaten in hand-to-hand combat by this idiot northern peasant. He lets down his guard and pride enough to mutter this self-deprecation aloud...and the idiot northern peasant hears, compounding every shame - and it's infuriating especially because he doesn't even hear properly, just like he never hears properly - he's so frustrating in his friendly but oblivious constant irritation and THIS, Shuro can still be furious about, to avoid his grief/hopelessness/self-loathing/shame. This, he can still fight about!

So he does.

They're both wrong in this fight. They're both right. Laios was consistently inconsiderate; knowing this about himself - because it's not like by his early 20s he didn't know that he didn't Get people the way most people Get people - he should've made more of an effort, and picked up any of the hints Shuro was laying down. Shuro was too caught up in his own pride and out-of-place manners: when it was clear that Laios wasn't going to pick up on even the strongest "hint", he should've said something plainly instead of just letting his resentment build until he was effectively lying to Laios about, if not their entire friendship, certainly the shape of it.

But they were friends. They are friends. This isn't the posture or conversation of two guys who don't like each other.

It's two guys who are still, in fact, fucking exhausted, physically and emotionally - but they just got rid of a lot of extra, furious, helpless energy, so they're finally satisfied to just sit. Their posture is relaxed and casual; their conversation straightforward and companionable, if serious.

This is two guys who've sat like this many time at a campfire, in just these poses. Who've kept watch together late at night and stayed awake by talking.

Laios cares about Falin more than anyone in the world, and even after the words and blows they just exchanged, he's still willing to put Shuro's suit to her. Shuro didn't tell Falin he was interested in her until he proposed to her, but he's telling it all to Laios. Admittedly, this is because Laios is, Shuro assumes, the closest he'll ever get to being able to tell it all to Falin...but still. And he admits vulnerability, which he clearly wouldn't have done before, even to his most loyal and loved companions as they urged him to eat and sleep.

Yeah, they're buddies. If I had to describe it, I'd say: their relationship was built on unsteady, false foundations, but they built something sturdy on it anyway, and the sturdy thing survives even when the foundations shake and re-settle.

Lol at Shuro. "I'm going to report you to the local authorities for your crimes because it's the right thing to do. But if you survive, I'll totally use my power and influence to help you flee the country, and live peacefully on my estate beyond where an extradition treaty can reach you."

[oepionie]

—"GOTTA ESCAPE THE VOID." overblot mc!

SYNOPSIS: The Ramshackle prefect has a reputation for frequently encountering fatal magical mishaps. And when a magical accident involving Crowley almost kills them, Crewel resolves to take matters into his own hands. But it appears that his impulsive decisions cause the prefect to reach their limit and go off the rails.

⊹ [ cw ] — heavy warnings, please read before you proceed. arguments with father, self-depricating thoughts, mentions of blood, protective parent, thoughts of offing self (only once), overblot mc!, miscommunication w friends, crying, physical fights ◞

⊹ [ tags ] — angst! gender neutral reader, crewel really embodies the 'cruel' in 'cruella', ace gets mad at you :(, deuce tries to comfort you through it all, crowley feels guilt (wow), crewel is vry vry angry and punches crowley, crewel has a mother gothel moment<3◞

⊹ [ w.c ] — 2.5k+◞ | 🦇masterlist◞

YOUR VISION WAS NOTHING, but a myriad of colorful blurs and shapes. Muffled voices spoke to you, but everything was practically just incomprehensible, panicked babbling. The heavy pressure of metal was pressed up against your windpipe, restraining your breath as it wound tighter and tighter. Though, a few seconds later, it vanished as if it had never existed, bursting into bright magical sparks.

The gush and pool of blood surrounds your dirtied, tangled mess of hair, a dark scarlet seeping into the knotted strands. Kneeling before your body, Crowley felt his heart skid to a stop. The sight of your fatigued form writhing around the ground tore at his chest, claws of guilt digging in deep and dragging across thick tissue.

"Prefect…Can you hear me?" The crow murmurs, clawed hands pressing against the side of your pounding head as he guides it to rest atop his lap. Vibrant blooms of red stain the dark fabric of his pants, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

"Dad…it hurts s'much." You slur in hushed tones, your eyes wringing shut from the pain. That was enough for Crowley to put his arms around you.

He shielded your body with his torso, hands clawing at your back as he wracks his mind of what to do next. Hastily turning round, he shifts his gaze to the surrounding students, all of them looking equally mortified.

"What are you standing around there for?! Call the nurse!"

"Y-Yes, sir!"

Drip. Drip

The pungent smell of alcohol and medication fill your senses as you groggily blink awake.

The familiar creaky wood of Ramshackle's ceiling greets you as you pull yourself from dreamland. Looking over both sides of your bed, you smile once you see both Deuce and Ace seated on a nearby couch. Both of them were quick to jump up and approach you, fussing over your bedridden form.

"Thank Sevens." Deuce murmurs, tenderly combing your damp hair back. You roll your head to the side to face him, but wince at the sudden throb of pain in your spine. Ace darts over and hushes you, gently repositioning your head to face front once more, making sure your neck was supported by a pillow. "Hey…It'd be great if you don't move so much…"

“Right. Makes sense. 'Nways…how bad was my injury?” You mutter, your recollections of the past event still foggy. All you could remember was that Crowley had fired a spell, and you somehow got into the crossfire.

“Fucking horrible.” Ace scoffs, looking at you sternly.

"Yeah, take it easy for a bit. The injury was…pretty serious. It was a miracle that the spell missed your head by a thread…" Deuce murmurs as he presses a gentle hand on your bandaged forehead.

Strands of blueberry hair fall loosely at the sides of his face as he stares down at you with worry. "You were out for three days."

"Ah…well—you know, me and my dumb non-magical ass. Always getting into trouble," you giggle, a cheery grin stretching over your cracked lips. Though it rapidly drops when you realize your two friends aren't laughing with you.

Ace shifts his gaze to the floor, hands clasped into a fist. "You're not dumb, prefect…"

"Well—I kinda am," You snort, tugging the blanket closer to your chilly form. "I really have to stop being around the old man's magic shows."

Unconvinced, Ace only shakes his head and scoffs at your jokes. The ginger reclines back into his chair, hands vigorously tugging and pulling at his hair. "You aren't. The real issue here is that deadbeat crow. I mean...hasn't he learnt anythin' from last time? What kind of idiot treats his child—"

"It wasn't his fault, Ace." Pushing yourself off the bed, you immediately interrupt him, voice stern as you rush to defend Crowley. "He didn't mean it. I got in the path of his magic. And—I'm pretty sure he's already beating himself up over this."

Sinking back into the bed, you clasp both your hands together. "It wasn't his fault. Sure, he's reckless and all but…but he's still my dad."

Silence washes over your room.

Ace was visibly frustrated, the blunt tips of his nails dug deep into his skin, nearly piercing past skin. With a final scoff, he stands from his chair and quietly excuses himself from the room.

The door slams shut with a blaring bang as both you and Deuce were left alone.

Sighing, the freshman takes your trembling hand in his, clasping it tight as his body temperature warms the cool skin. He draws your right arm up to press your palm against his cheek, eyes looking deep into yours.

"Professor Crewel is pissed," Deuce whispers as you trace gentle circles on his skin. A pair of shaky cyan eyes meets your concerned ones. "He was planning to—"

Deuce's mouth parted open and close and yet he couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence. You cast a questioning glance his way, but Deuce shakes his head, disregarding your questions.

"…nothing."

Surprise washes over you as you stare down at Deuce's hunched over form. It…wasn't like your friends to be so dismissive.

You, Ace, and Deuce had always been good friends. Sure you had your differences but you always communicated openly with one another. Nobody has ever been this...secretive.

Just…what was happening?

Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip.

The sickening crack of a bone echoes through the faculty room as the rough knuckle of Crewel's fist connects with Crowley's face. The headmaster reels, mask flying off as his hands fly to his bloodied nose.

Everyone in the vicinity quieted as the only noise heard was the potionology professor's labored breathing.

Then, without hesitation, Crewel surges forward. Loud commotion and screaming could be heard in the meeting room as everyone quickly circles around the two. A couple of hands seize Crewel by the arms, but the professor only grows more agitated, attempting to fight past the herd.

"Let me go!" Crewel roars, tugging his arm free as he attempts to swing a fist at the headmaster. "Dire! This is your fucking fault!"

"Divus! Calm yourself!" Trein scolds, arms locked tight around the man's torso. A few more pairs of hands restrain the professor as he is forcibly pushed down onto a couch.

His face was the epitome of unrepressed rage: With his cheeks drawn back in a deep sneer, eyes bloodshot red, and hair a knotted mess.

Trein stands before the younger man, looking down at him with disgust. "Have you no shame? What will the prefect think once they hear of this?"

Across the room, Crowley spits out a little blood, blinking fresh tears out of his eyes. For the last three days, the crow has been suppressing all of its emotions; however, all of a sudden, he is overcome with an unfettered and unhindered flood of shame and rage.

When the headmaster finally turned around, he fixed Crewel with an expression so scathing that the potionology professor felt compelled to charge at him again.

Once, coldly, sharply, and bitterly, Crowley laughed. "It's my fault, you say? You think I don't know that?"

"Oh please—Dire. I couldn't care less about what you think." Crewel seethes, venom practically dripping from his lips. The alchemy professor strides forward, heels clicking against the floor as he grabs Crowley by the collar.

"You're a failure of a father. All you've ever brought their way is danger." The professor cackles kicking the crow's skin.

Digging deep into his red handbag, Crewel snatches out papers and jams it into Crowley's chest. The crow unravels the creased pages to read the text on the document, eyes ripping wide open as he realizes what it was.

"You…can't possibly." The headmaster sputters, hands shaking as he reads the texts again and again.

"Oh, but I can." Crewel sneers, taking pleasure in the look of fear Crowley sends his way. He snaps around, coat billowing up behind him as he briskly walks towards the entryway. "I expect those papers to be signed by tonight."

Before walking out of the room, Crewel spares the headmaster one final glance. "The prefect departs this Monday."

Days after the event were all followed by violent storms that appeared to go on forever. Every night and day, the rain endlessly poured down from the bitter grey skies and roars of thunder echoed through the dewy clouds. Some days, it was nearly impossible to go to school.

It was almost as though Mother Nature herself was upset.

Just like how everyone was.

Crowley and your other friends shunned you like you had the plague. Even bright Kalim greeted you with a deep frown, a flimsy excuse slipping off his lips as he ran away. Only Deuce stayed by your side through it all.

The blueberry had told you everything was alright—that everything was normal and fine— but you couldn't help but be skeptical.

So when Crewel came to visit, you welcomed him right in. Eager to hear what he has to say.

The clatter and click of your father's heeled boots echoed through the walls of the dormitory as he examined the premises, comparing it to his own much more lavish flat back home in the city.

Finally, after an excruciating 5 minutes. his gaze flitted over to your bedridden form.

And the words he utters out next shatter your entire being.

"I'm withdrawing you from NRC."

What.

The glass clasped in your bandaged hands slips from your grip, smashing onto the oak wood of Ramshackle's flooring. You raise your mortified gaze to scowl at your professor, jaw dropped open in shock.

"What?" you breathlessly utter. "What do you mean?!"

"I'm transferring you to another school." Crewel replies, pushing himself off the fireplace and slipping his thick fur coat off his shoulders. The scant light emitted by the candles atop your study table did nothing to help you navigate his form as he strode around your bedroom.

"Now. You might be asking why? For one, look at the…accommodations Dire provided you with."

Crewel kicks a piece of splintered bark aside while making a gesture towards the disorder and wreckage all around you.

In the evenings, you had to use candles because the ceiling lights seldom ever functioned. The flooring had so many tears and holes that they were virtually falling apart. On occasion, you could even see the scuffle of rats beneath. The roof leaked, horribly; You had no money to fix it so you placed a bucket below instead. The front door was broken, barely hanging on its hinges, evidence of all the times your friends visited and never bothered to knock.

All of these problems and so many more were present, but this dorm was with you since the very start. It provided you with a roof over your head…it helped you survive.

"So what?" You retort, leaning back into your bed and sinking deep into the scratchy yet familiar pillows. "I don't mind it!"

"A foolish decision." Crewel sneers, running a hand into his hair. "Your accommodations aren't the only problem. Your self-destructive habits endanger you as well!"

There it was.

Groaning, you wring your hands through your hair, tangling it up. "When are you gonna stop saying that I'm self-destructive!?"

"When you start acting like somebody that actually cares about their life!" Crewel barks out, hands grasping your shoulders. The sudden increase in volume makes you recoil, but you were stubborn and refused to give in just yet.

"But I do care about my life!" You sputter out. "Why can't you just—"

"Remember what happened when Rosehearts overblotted?" He reminds you, "You charged towards a bloodthirsty tyrant with no protection, no magic, and no plan." Crewel then crosses his arms over his chest, addressing you with a pointed glare. "And you have the nerve to tell me you're not self destructive?"

"Riddle is not a tyrant!" Crying out, you slam your hand against your bedsheets, face twisting into an unsightly sneer. "I was trying to save my friend!"

Crewel gets right in your face, returning the expression of anger you sent his way. "Those friends of yours only care about you when you're useful!" he thundered, jabbing a finger into your chest.

That comment immediately silenced you.

Your hand was clasped over your mouth, jaw dropped wide open in disbelief as a sharp gasp escapes your dry throat.

A poisonous and dangerously harmful feeling gripped at whatever remnant the professor had of a heart. It colored his thoughts with regret as he began to feel a twinge of guilt, the weight of words sinking in.

There was a deep sigh of resignation from Crewel before he put a hand on your shoulder and looked you deep in the eyes, voice lowering to a softer lilt. "Why is it that every other person in that dorm had the sense to run away from the blots, but you didn't?"

Kneeling down, your father gazed at you with such vulnerability in his eyes as he murmurs, "Do you know how terrified I was every time I'd get the same message from Dire that you were out fighting overblots again? Putting your life at risk for those rabid dogs?"

The recognition of your destructive habits hit you like a splash of ice cold water. With a guilty and uncomfortable grimace on your face, you averted your attention to the floor. "I just wanted to help."

Slowly rising to his feet again, Crewel casts a deep frown your way. "I know you do, but you're careless with your life and if you're not careful…one of these days, you're gonna die."

"I will not hear anymore disagreements about this, do you hear? I've allowed you to run rampant around these past few months. You will so as I say and I'll have you transferred by the end of this week." He says simply, dropping a pristine sheet of paper clasped in a clipboard before you. Your dull eyes flicker across the title as you grudgingly reach for the pen he offers you.

TRANSFER APPLICATION.

That blank line at the end of the page is swiftly covered by your shaky red signature and Crewel is powerless to stop the relieved sigh that heaves past his lips.

A surge of victory, certainty, and an intense sense of relief overpowers the tangled and conflicting sentiments of guilt that were swimming through his chest.

You were safe, that's all that matters.

With a grieving heart, you nudge the pen and page back to your father dismissively, placing them both atop the bed. Crewel re-rolled the page and tucked it back into his handbag along with the pen.

The professor raises a hand to gently pat your shoulders as he bends down, pressing a kiss atop your head. "Father knows best."

As Crewel quietly takes his leave, he is none the wiser to the formation of impure, tainted tar-like blot dripping from your tears. Curling in yourself, you tuck your head into your knees, a broken sob spilling from your lips.

A sick and twisted feeling arises in your heart as you replay the argument you had with Crewel, and you start to wish that maybe, just maybe, Crowley's spell had succeeded in striking you.

Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip.

"Oi…Henchhuman?"

Drip.

—TAGLIST:

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[yuri-is-online]

...so you just threw this beautiful idea of Fyuuture kid, and left me with a brainrot? Especially after you answered one ask with i quote "he loves his parent so much and was really fighting it to keep it together when he saw them alive again" end of the quote. WHAT DO YOU MEAN AGAIN? WHAT? HOW?

ask 1 and ask 2

Oh 👉👈? I wasn't expecting to get an ask about this au ever again actually, but I am so glad you did, I like it a lot. I mentioned Fire Emblem Awakening in the first ask I got about it but for those of you who haven't played the game, the plot features the children of your army traveling back in time to try and prevent the end of the world. That's more or less what happened in the fyuuture kid au, at least in my first draft... I always end up associating the "future kid meets their parents" trope with either FE: Awakening or I guess Golden Sun? Which I think is the name of the jrpg where something similar happens idk I just like there being a reason for the kid to need to meet their parents.

In my original draft of the au, Yuu was told by Crowley there was no way home for them, so they settled down with Yutu's father and started building a life together. This turned out to not be true, as the Magical Marshall's office began investigating the overblots that happened while Yuu was in school and came to the conclusion Yuu had something to do with them; so they were secretly arrested, cursed to forget everything about Twisted Wonderland, and sent home. The curse was meant to trigger every time Yuu vaguely remembered their time in the otherworld, with the idea their brain would prevent them from thinking about it after a while. They would have justified it, if anyone had been there to ask, by saying Yuu wouldn't know they were missing anything and would be able to live a happy life. When Yutu was born that made that outcome impossible, but the Marshal's office didn't think to check if Yuu was pregnant...

Shortly after they did that though strange things started happening. Monster attacks got more frequent, blot levels started rising, not to extremes immediately but still enough to be concerning. Reports of a strange, abyssal magic using beast, started pouring in to S.T.Y.X. suspiciously close to Grim's description. While Yuu was busy trying to put their life back together in their world, Twisted Wonderland slowly began to fall apart drowning under an ink colored sky. The overblot phantoms they fought come back and begin hunting in their respective homelands, and rumor has it they can turn certain mages into their thralls...

The curse slowly eats away at Yuu's brain, every time they see something that reminds them of their friends, their time at NRC, every time Yutu does something that would make them think about how much he takes after his dad, they feel a great deal of physical pain and temporarily lose the ability to function. It's killing them, and no doctor or specialist can figure out the cause, so Yutu just has to sit there and watch his parent slowly die and not be able to do anything about it. I was uncertain of where exactly I wanted Yuu to die in the story, but it always was around when Yutu gets isekaid to NRC, either before and he had to leave them behind or after when they both get to go home finally! But Yuu doesn't completely make it, they're able to have one moment of peace with their son and Professor Crewel before passing on.

Yutu's dad changes depending on who you want it to be of course, as does whether they met before he and his friends decided to go back in time to prevent this version of the future from ever happening, but his feelings about Yuu never changes. Yutu really admires his parent, he did even before he learned about them facing down overblots! They were really close and the more he learned about their curse, the more responsible he felt for their death. He's very determined to keep Yuu alive and safe in Twisted Wonderland in this timeline, even if it costs him his life.

His opinion on his dad really changes depending on who it is and what he learns about them. Like can you imagine learning your dad was known for being obsessed with teeth and no he had no intention of being a dentist? Clown behavior 💀💀💀 His friends were all ocs I made but never really developed... I do remember that one was a younger sibling of Kalim's (who could be his aunt if you like Kalim and absolutely embraces that role), her retainer, Crewel's son who also sees himself as Yutu's uncle (the feeling isn't mutual) because he is old enough to sort of remember Yuu and thinks of them as a sibling, and a random oc I based off of the kid from Up for no reason other than I like the movie. They also came back in time, but only Yutu ended up in the right place, just like fire emblem awakening.

idk I should probably do something with it. like writing the reactions for the other dorms...

[mumms-the-word]

your tags about wyll being another disabled person standing up for stelmane... yeah. like all the characters have amazing links to disability like gale's orb, karlach's heart, astarion's hunger all being chronic illnesses essentially, shadowheart dealing with chronic pain, lae'zel i think is the only one without disability coding like that? but wyll being like obviously physically disabled in a different way to everyone else feels important. and the whole thing of overt physical disability being treated completely differently to invisible disability bc there is no way to hide so you're an obvious target (ask me how i know...) so yeah wyll. ugh 💜

I have MANY thoughts about the various disabilities in the game and the way that BG3 is ultimately a Search for a Cure game that dares to suggest “but what if you don’t want the cure? We have a path for that”

But yes to catch others up:

Wyll is physically disabled because he is missing an eye, so he is half blind (though for gameplay purposes we don’t see him with a debuff in accuracy or a lower movement range like we see with completely-blind Zanner Toobin)

Karlach has a chronic heart condition, her heart is a literal machine and it causes her a great deal of pain and discomfort and it will eventually kill her

Gale has the orb, it causes heart-pain/chest-pain-like aches and if left unaddressed will literally disabled him in terms of gameplay because he will slow down and all his attack/defense dice rolls take a hit

Shadowheart has the mark on her hand, which flares up at random and comes with a sharp pain. She also has amnesia, which can be considered a disability

Astarion has vampirism, which, depending on how you read it, is itself a kind of disability (though the tadpole negates a lot of the disabling parts of vampirism for him). I don’t read his hunger as chronic illness mostly because regular hunger isn’t chronic illness and he does find ways to manage his hunger; he is however traumatized and likely has a host of mental illnesses that I won’t diagnose him with, though CPTSD seems like the obvious low hanging fruit

Lae’zel’s only known disability or illness is the tadpole. And she treats it like a disabiltiy or an illness rather than an asset. Unlike others, she’s seeking to cure it, point blank, no negotiations

So the game is full of unexpected and intentional disability representation, even when actual disability isn’t like….actually affecting your gameplay. Sometimes it does, like with Gale, but often it doesn’t mess with your dice rolls or attack range or accuracy. The game just isn’t built for that.

But anyway you point is not about the gameplay. It’s about Wyll.

Wyll I think is interesting because out of the Core Six, he’s the only one comfortable with his disability. I think this is partly because it doesn’t cause him pain. (Pain is after all the Great Complicator in disability discussion.) Even when he turns into a devil, which would do wild things to his psyche, he takes it in stride. This might be bad writing or it might be intentional—physical difference just doesn’t fluster him

But anyway he’s so comfortable in his disability that he jokes with you when you join the “One Eye Club.” He speaks of Stelmane post-stroke as a survivor and a person of value. I imagine he doesn’t have much experience with chronic pain or chronic illness but he’s probably dealt with tons of injuries (look at all his scars) even at his young age. He’s an idealist, but I think he also speaks from experience when he says that Stelmane is “no less worthy of life or success because she is disabled”

I think he thinks the same of his friends. Karlach, Gale, Shadowheart, Astarion, Lae’zel, even if they were able to cure their tadpoles or fix their conditions, he would find them no less valuable and worthy before or after their cures. I don’t think he always understands exactly the chronic pain/illness element but he would never ever say that a person is less worthy of simply living or succeeding or becoming a hero or becoming anything they want to be just because they have a disability or illness

Chalk it up to his idealism but I think that makes Wyll one of the more surprising and uplifting characters in the game, among his other surprising and uplifting characteristics. Like…he’s going to believe in you, no matter what. And he’s going to support you however he can. We see that with Karlach, and how much he would prefer his best friend live with her chronic illness in an environment that will lessen her pain than die. He’d probably give up his magic boots off his feet for Gale. He’d probably agree to fight Shar one on one to try and get her to stop plaguing Shadowheart with pain. He doesn’t want his friends to hurt, but he doesn’t think they’re less valuable or weak for hurting, you know?

Anyway we don’t deserve Wyll Ravengard

[thesimpsbasement]

How do you think Azul would deal with having a s/o where he would say they would do crimes to people who would bully their s/o and s/o is like “That’s illegal, but awe 🥹”? Like if he paybacks someone, s/o is trying to be the voice of reason, but they’re smiling so it ruins it?

You're so right. omg, he'd be so extra about it, too

Azul is definitely the type to beat the shit out of your bullies no questions asked

But only after making sure you're okay of course,he has to take care of his precious angelfish before he gets his hands dirty

Even if the bullies didn't bother you that much, Azul is not having any of it.He's not going to let people disrespect you like that.He'd pamper you even I'd you protest,shower you in affection and after he's certain you're feeling better he excuses himself and leaves the room

You begin to worry when he still hasn't come back, that is until you hear a familiar voice or rather voices shriek in pain as 2 other familiar voices laugh hysterically. Rushing towards the VIP room,the scene you're met with was truly something.

Floyd and Jade holding your bullies still,said bullies bruised and bloodied.One might think the twins were responsible for this but as soon as you see the now injured bullies the dots connect. Despite not being the tallest or the most muscled man,Azul's physical strength shouldn't be underestimated. The damage on the now crying victims’ of Azul's wrath made you wince

Azul simply turns to you “hello darling,sorry for making you wait for so long,just have this mess to clean up” he says with a menacing smile. You want to feel bad for them especially when being held in a death trap like the tweels but you can't help but smile,letting out a chuckle. “Azul you can't just beat up people to a pulp like that,it's mean” you say.A part of you is telling you to be the voice of reason,to somehow convince Azul to not strangle anyone who dares to badmouth you,but at the same time another part of you is all over the moon.Seeing them in such a pathetic state made you feel giddy almost. “Nothing is too mean when it comes to protecting you” Azul simply replies “Now be a dear and wait for me in my room,I'll be back shortly” he says in a sweet voice.The bullies turn towards you with a pleading look but you simply smile,waving “Alright dear,don't bully them too much” you tease “Oh don't worry,I won't bully them, I'll just give them a piece of my mind” he says as he watches you leave.

Eventually, you hear the door opening,revealing your darling boyfriend.He sheds his outer layer of clothes,leaving him in his white button-down as he plops right beside you on his comfy bed. “Hope you didn't miss me too much” he says,pulling you towards him “you know I always miss you” you reply,pressing a kiss on his cheek,not missing the way his cheeks are dusted pink. “And I always miss you”, he replies,kissing your lips softly. When you pull away, you stare lovingly at him,admiring his beauty. You both stay in comfortable silence before you speak once more “you know you didn't have to do all that. it could've gotten in trouble”.Azul chuckles,hand cupping your cheek “Don't worry about that,angelfish ,besides even if they were to report me to the head mage I have my own ways of getting myself out of trouble” he says,almost menacingly. You sigh,shaking your head at his antics “Do you really have everyone wrapped around your fingers?” You ask “hmm not everyone” He says ,eyes locked on yours “You're the one who has me wrapped around their finger” he says before leaning in to steal a kiss.You sigh again,giggling as you cup his cheeks “mhmm just don't kill anyone next time alright?”.Azul smiles “I'll think about it” he says,causing you to roll your eyes ,hands moving towards his waist to pinch his sides,making the octopus yelp. “I protect you, and this is the thanks I get? Siiggghhh” he says in a fake sad voice. “Thank you, Azul, for your service” you say in a sarcastic voice before pressing your lips against his once more, “It's my pleasure”

[bontenten]

METAMORPHOSES 03 || An Heir

Pairings: Zenin Naoya x f!reader, Gojo Satoru x f!reader (unrequited) WC: 3.9k Series Genre/Warnings: smut, noncon/dubcon, emotional/physical abuse, yandere, Naoya, misogyny, arranged marriage, pregnancy, miscarriage, birth, lactation, manga spoilers, more dead doves

A/N: oh i veryy much enjoyed writing this chapter, ty for patience since last updates! 

Series Masterlist

“My lady, your condition can be considered stable now. Since this is your first pregnancy, there are still many things your body is not used to. The young master’s energy is also dense, causing your body to become frail. It’s paramount that you meditate everyday to keep your energies in balance for the developing child. I will write a prescription for a tonic which you should take three times daily. Rest and keep a stress-free, open mind until your delivery date.” 

The Zenin physician placed his tools back into his chest. He flipped open his notebook and began to scribble a list of ingredients. The tense atmosphere in the room settled down. 

“You will be the one responsible for bringing the medicine. Should anything happen, you will answer with your life in the disciplinary pit.” Naoya threatened. 

“Y-Yes, Young Master Naoya, of course. I will do everything in my power to take care of the lady.” 

You squeezed Naoya’s hand and tried to comfort the doctor currently scared out of his wits. “Thank you, Doctor. You may go now, I’m a bit tired.”

The earlier spasms of pain and vertigo had everyone in a panic. It came so suddenly, you were unprepared and before you knew it, you woke to Naoya’s immense killing intent burying the room.

To say that this pregnancy was difficult was an understatement.

--

After that incident, Naoya forbade you from having any form of excursion and threatened servants left and right to take care of menial tasks. You had to tell him to stop yelling so much lest he scared the baby in your belly. Only then would he quiet down a bit and mutter, "My son isn’t that useless."

“You know…we could have a girl too.” You waited for a response.

Naoya wrapped his arms around you, a hand resting over your belly. “I will have no weakling girl.” 

Then the two of you, along with the one growing inside of you, fell into slumber.

--

Akiko, having gone through the process of pregnancy and childbirth, often checked in on you and answered any questions you had. She was very strict about the pregnancy meditation exercises. Under her watch, there wasn’t a single day you could slack. The medicine tasted awful, but Akiko insisted you finish the whole bowl. Often, she watched you finish everything, with a piece of candy waiting to wash the bitter taste away. In many ways, she was the mother figure in your life.

Mai and Maki stopped spending time with you after they began their lessons. You wondered if you made the right choice in sending them to training, but ultimately, in this clan, you knew they had no choice. You knew they were talented, in ways that you could never amount to. Strength meant everything.

--

One evening, while Naoya was still at a clan meeting and Akiko was away, you decided to charge your old phone. You weren’t allowed anywhere near it during your pregnancy, not that you had much need for it. It was bad for the baby, was what they told you. But the device was still something for you to fiddle with, the size felt like it just belonged in the hand. You flipped it open. To your surprise, you had gotten a number of missed calls from someone you would never have imagined—Gojo Satoru. You hesitated, but dialed back, wondering what could have happened.

The sound of his voicemail was playing in your head already. Except he picked up.

“Finally, it’s been ages. When will your clan ever embrace new tech?”

“Satoru,” you greeted. “What a surprise, I didn’t think you would have anything come to me about.”

He chuckled. “Can’t I call if I missed you?” 

“I’m married now, if you need to be reminded.” You looked down at your midsection. “And very pregnant.”

“Oh, I know you’re knocked up.” The breathy voice seemed to tickle your ear. Gojo was probably laying down, on a couch or a bed. “A main branch Zenin spawn is probably pretty difficult I assume? How are you still doing?”

“Pampered suffocation.”

“Good, good. It’s probably best you’re relaxed, take a seat. How is the Zenin young master?”

“Naoya…yes, he treats me well.” You smiled at the memory of him during lunch. He had personally sliced and plated fruit for you.

“Honestly, I didn’t even think that his spouse would end up being you. Glad to hear it though. And have you talked with your father at all recently?”

No. 

“They’re busy,” you explained.

“Too busy to even visit or inquire about their daughter?”

Gojo’s question stumped you. The question that you had wondered about ever since the first day was finally spoken out loud. Even for a clan as strict as the Zen’in, surely if you couldn’t visit home, they could’ve paid you a visit? A phone call?

“I figured. What wonderful parents you have.” Gojo’s lighthearted voice switched to a serious tone. “I suppose you still deserve to know the truth.”

He explained that he’s been working on a perplexing phenomenon of curses in a few districts. There was typically some sort of pattern to where they appeared, their type, and their strength. The data was odd and Gojo had studied each of the cases in detail. But it didn’t make sense to you. 

“Satoru,” you interrupted him. “I’m not really following?”

“Did you not understand? I just explained—”

“Yes, but why,” you exasperated. Images of your clansmen, covered in a white cloth, being brought back from the streets flooded your mind. Blood-soaked bandages and screams while the clan physician strained himself to attend to all the wounded. The nights your mother stayed up late waiting for your father’s team to return. The visceral chaos and stench of death loomed over everyone you loved. "You know what happened. The cursed spirits had been growing in power and they were overrunning the clan's wards. If Naoya hadn't helped, more the sorcerers would've—"

A dry laugh cut you off. "Would've been just fine if not for the youngest son of Naobito trying to win you over. Helped your clan? Who even told you that? Was it your father when the Zenin proposed? And you really just believed them? You're more stupid than I had thought. Were you a shy, bashful bride eager to be a little plaything for your clan’s hero? You never even wondered why it was only your clan's ward that was badly affected? Time to wake up, princess. Why would anyone from your family want to speak to the sacrificial lamb and reason for all their suffering?"

Hang-up, your mind screamed at you. How dare he point the blame at you. Where were you when I was in trouble Satoru?

“And why should I believe you?” 

“Oh, you don’t have to. A bastard and a dimwit make a lovely pair.”

You swallowed as your head grew dizzy and began breathing heavily in an attempt to intake more oxygen.

Gojo realized his harsh tone and sighed. “Are you still there? Listen, I know there wasn’t much you could’ve done anyway. I’m just telling you this because I suppose we were acquainted in our youth.”

Acquainted. Just acquainted. But more importantly, all that you have known, all that you believed for the past years were being torn apart and rearranged in the span of fifteen minutes.

“Yes. Thank you, Satoru,” you managed to whisper.

“I realize this is probably a surprise, but I also want to assure—” He was cut off by the sound of a woman calling his name in the background.

“I’m needed elsewhere; take care.” 

You set the phone down after Satoru hung up and sat in silence trying to piece together the information that was just dumped onto you. You fell back onto the mattress, a hand over your belly. A heaviness weighed down your chest. It was madness to believe the words of the man on the other side of the phone. What was he to you now? No one. Your father and mother explained everything to you. Who was he to tell you what was the truth?

The relief when everyone saw the Zenin clan symbol on the guest’s hakama couldn’t have been fabricated. The hope in people’s faces wasn’t a lie. Even though you were hiding behind the screen doors at the time, the sincerity in his voice when he asked your father for your hand had to be true. That man saved the whole clan. Serve him well. If Naoya was the hero, why were those the parting words from your family on the day of your wedding?

A quiet knock pulled you out of your thoughts. “My lady, I have brought your tonic.”

The room was completely dark already. Who knows how long you’ve laid there trying to make sense of everything? 

You dragged yourself to the door and found a young girl holding a wooden serving tray with a bowl of bitter, black liquid. “Lady Akiko is currently away. She tasked me to bring this to your ladyship.”

You picked up the bowl and quickly downed the contents. It didn’t taste quite as foul as you had remembered. “Is the meeting over?” 

“It should be ending around this time. Should I escort you to the main hall?”

“No...I can go by myself,” you said, dismissing her. 

You had to hear it from Naoya himself. He was your husband.

Every week, the main branch had a formal meeting. As you got closer to the main hall, you could hear the footsteps shuffling as the men in the room were wrapping up. Quite murmurs and grumbles over the meetings slipped through the cracks. The first person to exit the sliding door was Naoya. He had a scowl on his face, no doubt, the meeting took a turn for the worse as well, but it faded into a relaxed grin when he saw you, coming over.

“What a change to see you here waiting for me. I am starving—”

He was about to check on you when he noticed your blank expression and puffy eyes. You got straight to the point, spoiling the atmosphere in an instant.

"Naoya…”

Naoya’s eyes lost their initial glimmer. He noticed a few other clansmen looking your way.

“If there’s anything to discuss, you may bring it up later in our room,” he said firmly. He didn’t know the reason for your unsettling expression, but whatever it was that was on your mind, he did not want a scene.

Naoya thought back to the irritating meeting and the currently disintegrating relationship with the Gojo clan. The Gojos were being extremely selfish, trying to take control of the Jujutsu Sorcerer Committee's favor. All of them were envious of the Zenins, trying to push the clan off its pedestal. Naoya fumed at the thought of the six-eyed Satoru who had always been treated as the pride and hope of the jujutsu society. They were close in age, and despite the two never meeting often, Naoya heard more than enough about society's adulation of the infamous sorcerer.

He couldn’t hear what you were mumbling under your breath, but the few words he caught and the name of his nemesis told him that it was definitely not going to be a pleasant conversation. He easily scooped you up despite your protests and pounding fists on his shoulders. With a few long strides, entered the hallway near your quarters. Only then, away from prying eyes, did he set you down.

 “Is it true?”

Naoya heard it clearly this time.

He eyed you for a moment and scoffed, looking away in disdain. "Woman, what are you rambling on about right now? Can't you tell I'm not in a good mood? I said, let's go back."

“No.” Your irritation struck a nerve. “Tell me right now. Is it true that you were the one responsible for planting  those high-level curses into my clan's ward?"

Ignoring the squeeze on your arm, you continued, “Satoru told me everything.”

Naoya felt a vein throb in his temple when he heard the name slip from your mouth.

“How you plotted and controlled the curses to attack our sorcerers right after a battle. Those curses, they were all picked from the disciplinary room right? Special Zenin locked curses. You would let my people get hurt till they were close to death before showing up. Satoru told me everything, what more do you have to say?"

"Satoru, Satoru, Satoru. Do you just blindly believe anything he tells you?"

"Who am I supposed to believe, you?” you snapped back. “Satoru told me how you threatened my family, that's why they never said anything to me up until now.” Maybe you would still be at home, with family and loved ones.

You glared at Naoya in shock as the sting on your face settled into a sharp burn. He took a step back and pointed at you, confused and disoriented. “You. You forced me.” 

 This was the first time he actually struck you in this way. 

"What are you going to do Naoya? Kill your own wife and child? Is that how you solve all of your problems? With your oh-so-powerful, inherited Zenin techniques?" You turned and began to walk away. "You're fucking pathetic."

"Don't you dare turn your back on me!" he roared after you. "Stop right there!"

There was no room for fear while fury lit your eyes. You ignored the rest of Naoya's threats and stormed back to your room. Naoya was responsible for everything. He lied to you. He manipulated everyone and oppressed your clan. And you believed all of his sweet words, and enjoyed his kisses and touches. Your numb cheek taunted you.

You slid the door open, but your feet couldn’t budget. You gasped and felt excruciating pain stabbing in your belly. You clutched your midsection as cold sweat ran down your back. The last thing you heard was someone frantically calling your name.

–

“Do something!” 

“Young Master, t-there’s no response.” 

“I don’t fucking care, do something!”

“W-We’ll have to induce labor…and—”

Naoya glared.

“Yes! Yes understood!”

--

The lights in the room were so bright. In just a couple of weeks, a life could have filled this space. It would have been a boy, just as everyone had hoped. Now only silence accompanies you and your breasts that ached painfully. You never even got to see him. Did he look like you or his father? 

You sat in the empty nursery room that you had spent the last few months pouring your time and feelings into. As if the loss of your unborn child hadn’t been difficult enough, the hushed whispers of the clan had been torturous. You had felt eyes from members of the main branch to the attendants, all hundred pairs of eyes surveying you whenever you had walked down the hall, scrutinizing the woman who was incapable of carrying the Zenin heir to full term.

You lost track of how long you sat in mourning. Time ticked by slowly, but eventually, a day became two days. A week passed by and to your horror, your breasts full and swollen with milk, finally had to empty its contents. Milk leaked out your nipples uncontrollably.

Perhaps it was the presence of the milk and no child in your arms to feed the liquid to. Reality finally hit you while you poured another cup of milk down the sink.

The door slid open. It was Akiko bringing your meal. She knelt down next to you and pulled you into her arms. Her steady hand ran over your shoulders as she quietly said, "If you want to cry, then just let it out. There's no one else here."

You felt your nose prickle as the familiar sensation of tears spilled from your eyes. They soaked through Akiko's kimono, but she did not seem to mind, only resting her hand on your back while you wailed. You blamed everything on the father of your unborn child. It was Naoya who was responsible, you were sure of it. He took the child from you with his temper and violence. You cried for yourself and your unborn child.

Mai and Maki had once confided in you that their mother gave up on them. They had told you that their mother never stood up for them in front of their father and that you had been the only one who tried to give them care and love. And here you were crying in their mother's arms as a failure. Akiko may not have been able to do everything for her girls, but you couldn't even protect your child's life. 

–

You just finished a bath and were about to go to sleep in the nursery again. It was the only place you had some privacy and peace. Except, the room wasn’t empty at all.

“What are you doing here?” you asked coldly, arms folded.

Naoya saw you enter, and placed the decorative toy back on its shelf. He crossed over languidly, arm resting on the frame right over your head. His presence made you dizzy, but you refused to yield a single step. He also recently bathed, a bitter herbal scent clung to skin.

“Did you think that you could avoid me forever?” he murmured next to your ear.

Your eyes met with his. At this distance, you could make out the details of his irises. Naoya’s eyes were undeniably beautiful and intoxicating. “One day at a time, I’ll get there eventually.” You made a move to push him away.

“Foolish woman,” he chuckled and took your hands. “It’s time to go back to normal.”

Naoya pressed his lips on your palm. “I missed you. I need you,” he crooned. 

“Naoya, we can never be the same anymore. Not after—” You gestured to the room. “This.”

“We’ll have another. Once you’re with another, the clan will naturally stop talking.” 

“Don’t touch me. As if I’m some breeding cattle.” Naoya didn’t seem the least bit fazed by your attempts to break out of his grasp. His silence taunted you, daring you to challenge his authority. 

“I’ll never forgive you,” you snarled. All you could do was glare at him. “It’s all your fucking fault.”

Naoya tilted your face towards him. Fingers traveled down your neck and tightly squeezed. Your cheeks burned.

The air thickened as Naoya’s cursed energy began to fill the space. “In this lifetime, you belong to me. Accept your fate.”

Lips roughly closed over yours. The pressure around your neck made your head spin. Your fists hammered his chest in a futile attempt. 

Naoya yanked your robe open. Your nipples were heavy and swollen. Wet. He cupped your breast and squeezed the soft flesh, completely fixated on the spray of white milk spurting out. Your cheeks burned in embarrassment, but the relief you felt from the release felt so good.

“Did that feel good?” he sneered before tugging and pressing on your breast some more. The front of his robes was covered by wet splatters. 

 “N-No,” you rasp, feeling Naoya’s hand travel towards your navel, tugging the waist-tie that was barely circled around your waist. He lifted one of your thighs to expose your dripping entrance. Cold air brushed against your thighs. “Not in here. Not in this room,” you begged, tears pooling in your eyes.

“Troublesome woman,” Naoya muttered and set you down. He clasped his palms together and began to draw an immense amount of cursed energy. “Domain Expansion: Time Cell Moon Palace.”

The nursery melted away as the space transformed into a dark void. This was the first time you’ve been taken into a domain, and it made you feel both weak and nauseous. A giant eye stared down at you, iris dilated, prying, and peering into your existence.

“No complaints here, right? Don’t even think about escaping.” 

Everything happened so quickly. You felt your back sink into a fleshy substance, legs folded and knees pressed up against your face.

“Wait, Nao—” And he was in you. You gripped Naoya’s biceps to stabilize yourself, nails imprinted deeply. A shudder escaped your lips after the initial jolt of pain. By reflex, you clamped tightly around him.

“Fuck,” he growled. “How are you still so tight?”

The dull ache remained from the recent trauma remained with every thrust Naoya made. Pleasure and pain are tightly bonded together. Disgust at the moan that slipped from your throat that earned a predatory smile. It drove him to pound you harder. His rough hand squeezed your breasts, spraying your overflowing milk supply. It splashed onto his face dripping down his jawline onto your face and lips. This was perhaps the first and only time you could imagine tasting your own milk. Naoya wiped his face and licked the opaque fluid off his fingers.

“It’s sweet,” he remarked, surprised by the taste. And almost feral, as though he had discovered something rare and precious, he dipped his head down to lap up the tiny puddles on the contours of your body. His tongue traced your enlarged and pert nipples, sucking on the sensitive bud to encourage more milk flow. You arched your back towards him, grinding your hips desperately in tears as you reached your climax.

Naoya grunted, feeling close. He held onto your hips and increased his pace until he came in you, filling your womb with a load of hot, white seed.

The darkness that surrounded you began to falter under Naoya’s distraction. The momentary weakness that came with the sexual release was like a pinhole in a balloon. Darkness melted away. The voyeuring eye disappeared, replaced in your vision by a mobile with soft plushies hung on a cotton rope. Nausea washed away the lingering, twitching pleasure.

“Get out,” you hoarsely whispered.

Still drunk on hormones, Naoya felt dizzy and confused. “What did you say?” 

Milk and semen stuck to your skin. Mustering all the energy remaining in you, you repeated. "Get out. Get out. Get out."

The demand-plea came out in constricted wheezes as your body convulsed and shook.

"Tch. "A scowl replaced Naoya's drunken expression. Completely fed up, he left you laying among the stained blankets. "You make me sick, woman," he spat at you. 

The room was finally empty. You laid there unmoving and naked, staring blankly at the ceiling.

[itsasilentreader]

Shadows of the heart

Pairing: Sebastian Sallow x reader

Brief mention of Y/N, but no physical descriptions were given. It can be read as a gender-neutral reader. Characters are aged up.

Summary:

Following Sebastian's use of dark magic to kill his uncle, he grapples with guilt. Seeing how much pain and grief he caused to those closest to him, he decides to make sure his loved ones will not be hurt by him again. Once and for all.

Warnings: hurt/comfort but also angst with no happy ending, (mentions of) death, grief. (please let me know if I've missed one!)

Wordcount: 3.1K

A/N: I have changed the timeline from the 5th year to somewhere in their 7th year, even though it is not actually mentioned, it makes it fit better into the timeline I have in my head. And I normally don’t read angst because I don’t want my fragile little heart to break, but I still wrote this??? I also don’t really know how to write angst (yet) but I hope you all enjoy this piece.

It all happened so fast. Flashes of red blasted in front of your eyes. Trying to hold off Sebastian’s uncle Solomon while fighting off any inferius with fire. That is until you see the walls light up with green and you see Solomon fall on the ground. Your mind is not processing what is happening as you watch the scene in front of you fold out. You watch as Solomon’s wand rolls out of his lifeless hand. Ear-deafening silence falls upon you.

“Depulso!”, you hear Anne scream and Sebastian is blasted backwards, knocking the wind out of him. She looked around at all the inferius and lit them on fire with incendio.

Anne shuffles towards her uncle. Tears glistened in her eyes, threatening to fall free. She stands up and faces the grimoire before destroying it. “Bombarda!” Sebastian’s hope of finding a cure for Anne goes up in flames in front of him. “No!”, he screams out, but not able to move from his spot.

Anne clutches her stomach in pain. She already was in terrible pain because of the curse, but nothing could compare to the heartbreak she felt at that moment. In that moment, she lost all of her family. She looks back at Sebastian, pain and grief in her eyes. “You’ve made your choice”, she said.

Sebastian lightly shakes his head. Anne kneels next to her uncle’s body and lets her tears fall free. Sebastian reached out to her, even though she was nowhere near him, but she apparated without sparing him another glance.

You managed to drag Sebastian back to the Undercroft and sat him down on the old couch he once conjured in this space. He hasn’t said a word since Anne apparated. “I fucked up. I-”, Sebastian shut his eyes tightly and inhaled sharply, “I-I killed him.”

“Hey, hey look at me,” you took his face in both hands. His brown eyes found yours, but they felt empty. Tears are forming and threaten to fall down his face. “How could I do this? Anne will never forgive me”, Sebastian whispers to you. His tears fell freely, and you did your best to wipe them all away for him. His hands gripped your wrists tightly.

For once, you didn’t know what to tell him, because what would you say to someone who just used an Unforgivable curse, a killing curse, on their uncle?

Instead of replying to Sebastian, you pulled him closer to you. His sobs broke free and he clutched your cloak in his hands. As if he was afraid you would disappear on him too. You ran your hands through his hair and whispered to him that it would be okay, eventually. But there was a nagging feeling in your gut. Will it truly be okay?

“Anne will never forgive me,” he repeated, seemingly in shock. “What do I do now?”, he whispered through his sobs. You didn’t respond right away, “I don’t know Seb”. You sighed while still holding him in your arms. Knowing you didn’t leave him to be on his own right after he killed his uncle, gave him some form of safety and dare he say love. The charismatic boy you met when you first came to Hogwarts broke down in your arms and showed his vulnerability.

“I think we do need to know what Anne will do with this now. There is a chance she will turn you in.” You said to the brunette boy in your arms. He nodded, “I know, and she is right to do so.” He stayed silent after that and for a while, you two stayed like that. “Maybe Ominis can convince her not to send you to Azkaban. He probably knows of it by now.” You shifted your position a bit so you could properly look at Sebastian.

He looked deep in thought. “He might be my best friend, but he absolutely does not want to be involved in dark magic. I don’t know if I can trust him on our friendship to not send me to Azkaban”. Sebastian looked at you. His eyes were red and the mischievous spark in his brown eyes was gone. In front of you, he seemed like a shell of who he once was.

“I will talk to him. Ask him, convince him, if he can reason with Anne not to turn you in. She already lost her uncle, she doesn’t need to lose her brother too”, you told him. He nodded slightly. “Hopefully she will reason with him”. Silence fell over you again, but you didn’t let go of Sebastian. His tears stopped falling but the stains were still visible on his cheeks. “We will figure something out”. He nodded absently but kept his firm grip on you.

The silence surrounding you made you think about the boy you were holding in your arms. It made you wonder where it went wrong and how he ended up on this path with dark magic. It also made you wonder why you are here with him. Most people would run off in fear of what they might do to them, but here you are, holding and consoling him. Most people also can’t see traces of Ancient Magic, but you can see it.

It was no secret that you and Sebastian were close. There was a connection between the two of you that neither of you addressed, or wanted to address. After all you’ve been through together, it might be that you have created a (massive) soft spot for the freckled boy in your arms. And it is no secret that Sebastian holds you close to his heart. How could he not when you were there, right by his side, to help him with every quest to find a cure for his twin? It was an unspoken connection of love that neither of you dared to address.

An idea popped into your head, “Come with me.” You stood up from the old couch, which was way too small for the two of you. With his hand in yours, you let him out of the Undercroft.

When you eventually walked up the stairs of the astronomy tower, Sebastian figured out you were bringing him to the Room of Requirement.

The enormous door appeared and you led Sebastian inside. Confusion is still visible on his face, “Why are we here?” he asks. You gave him a soft smile while leading him towards the vivarium. “Whenever I feel discouraged, I always visit these little guys.” You let go of his hand for a moment, already missing the warmth and took out your wand.

“Maybe just sitting here with them will help you gather your thoughts,” you sat down and pat the ground next to you. He watches as the little puffskeins skip towards the two of you and eventually sits down next to you. His thigh pressed against yours and your hands so close you can almost touch each other. “It might help us to have a clear mind and come up with a plan together.”

You conjured two brushes, one for you and one for Sebastian, and started to brush the puffskeins closest to you. The two of you sat in silence, a peaceful silence. It was a stark contrast between the silence that surrounded you now and the ear-deafening silence that engulfed you back in the catacomb where Sebastian killed his uncle. You never thought you would sit here with Sebastian, brushing the puffskeins you had saved. But then again, you also never thought Sebastian would kill his uncle.

Sebastian watched you brush the little creatures before speaking up, “Thank you.” Your gaze met his and he looked down at the little creature that managed to climb in his lap. You continued to watch him and wait for him to speak up again. “I don’t deserve you, your kindness,” he shook his head lightly before whispering, “Your love.”

“Sebastian-”, he shook his head again before his eyes found yours again. “I mean it Y/N. Sometimes I wonder why you are still here, by my side.” You frowned at his words. “Why wouldn’t I be?” Sebastian turned away slightly, seemingly avoiding looking at you before speaking his next words.

“I’ve always seen the dark arts as a value when it’s needed. But after that day when we found Salazar Slytherin’s scriptorium, and I-” he pauses and closes his eyes for a second, “When I casted the Cruciatus curse on you, I thought I had lost you.” He said.

You looked away and let his words sink in. “But you were still there for me, by my side, after that. I should have never cast that curse on you. Ever.” His voice cracked at the end of his sentence, and his head dropped. “Sometimes I still hear your screams when I lay in bed at night. The sound of your pain pierces through me, through my heart.” Your heart clenched at the thought of him replaying that scene over and over again in the dark of night, alone.

“You know I wouldn’t let you cast it if I wasn’t sure about it Sebastian.” He shook his head. “You don’t understand Y/N, Ominis was right. You will regret it from the moment you use it. Just like tonight. It haunts me and it always will haunt me.” You shuffled closer to him before you spoke up, “I will always be there for you, you know that. Please just let me be there for you.” You chose your words carefully before softly adding, “Let me love you the way you deserve to be loved.”

“That’s the thing Y/N, I don’t deserve it. At all. I’ve only caused you pain and I will only continue to cause pain, destruction and grief. I don’t know if I could control myself.” You let a sigh escape your lips before grabbing both of his hands in yours. His hands felt rough in contrast to yours.

“Most people would turn their back on you, run away as far as they can. But I will not leave you behind or cast you aside.” His hopeful eyes observed you as you spoke so softly to him. “We have been through so much together. You were the one who helped me navigate this magic I had no idea of.” You sighed and looked down at his hands in yours.

“You would really want to be with me, even after tonight? After seeing me committing something so-, so heinous?”, he whispered to you. “You shouldn’t be with someone like me, I won’t be what you need.” Breathing deeply, he slowly slipped his hands out of your hold. Missing the feeling of his hands in yours instantly. His shoulders slumped and you shook your head at his words.

“I know this is a frightening time, and I’m not going to lie to you about it. This will take a toll on you, on us and our…,” not daring to say the word ‘relationship’ as you didn’t know where you stood on that. You turned your head away and shifted in your spot on the ground. The little puffskeins still cuddled up to you as you picked up your brush again.

“This won’t mean I’ll turn my back on you Sebastian. I want to be there for you, every step of the way. If I wouldn’t do that for you, for us, I wouldn’t be here right now with you.”

After a few beats of silence, you felt Sebastian shift next to you. A nervous smile is painted on his lips. He’s fidgeting with the brush and the little puffskein in his lap, seemingly reflecting on the words you have just spoken.

Then, he put down his brush and let the little creature off his lap. He turned his body towards you and “I don’t deserve you, but I’m mad about you Y/N.” Your heart stammered in your chest by his confession. This was the first time he confessed it was more than just a friendship.

Inching closer to each other, you felt your heart skip a beat when his cologne infiltrated your senses yet again tonight. Eyes flickering from your eyes to your mouth, you felt his hand cradle your cheek and the other one wrap around your waist to pull you closer. Lips brushed over each other while both of you didn’t dare to move.

Your eyes met his and with a whisper of his name, he pulled you in. When your lips touched, it felt like time stopped. Every ounce of his love for you was felt through this kiss and the touch of his lips. Your hands found their way onto his neck and his hair. You’ve finally dared to cross that line and it felt freeing. “If you haven’t noticed yet, I’m mad about you too.” You spoke against his lips before capturing his plump lips again for another kiss.

You felt him smile against your lips and a soft sigh escaped his lips. Breathless you pulled away to rest your forehead against his. You observed every detail on his face through your eyelashes. How his eyes were closed and a soft, small smile was displayed on his soft lips. Every freckle that made his face so unique and pretty. And still, you wondered how someone so beautiful could have such a dark side. How well hidden this side was until you came along and urged him to find a cure for his twin sister.

You stayed like this for a while, savouring each other's company. Every once in a while stealing a soft kiss. His eyes stayed on yours and even though, the mischievous sparkle in his eyes is gone the love he had for you was evident in his chocolate-brown eyes. “Come on, let’s go back.” You gave him one quick kiss and grabbed his hand. As you both stood up, his hand never left yours.

You made sure the beasts in the vivarium were well-fed before walking towards the entrance of the vivarium with Sebastian right beside you. Upon entering the Room of Requirement again, you felt it rumble and another unknown door appeared to your right. “This room astonishes me every time.” Sebastian smiled in amazement.

A soft giggle escaped your lips and Sebastian’s face lit up upon hearing it. You walked in front of him and entered the room that was conjured before you. It shouldn’t surprise you that this room made sure you had a cosy room for just the two of you, away from prying eyes. It felt that you needed this at this moment with Sebastian. A stark contrast of what had happened; you laying in bed with your love and what happened mere hours before.

The clock on the nightstand read 2 AM, but you were still wide awake. Sebastian’s head was resting on your chest, listening to your heartbeat. It gave him peace and comfort. You, however, felt that gnawing feeling in your gut again. How will you ever convince Ominis, one of Sebastian’s dearest friends, to let him walk away free? Is it even possible to reason with Anne or did she make up her mind already?

Mindlessly, you’ve been running your fingers through Sebastian’s hair and you felt him occasionally give you a soft kiss on your chest. You stayed like this until Sebastian spoke up, “Thank you, again.” A soft smile spread on your lips. “Of course, I’ll be there for you. Always.” A sad smile appeared on his face and he felt his eyes water. His eyes fluttered closed to prevent them from falling. “I will never forget it.” His grip on your waist tightened.

His words repeated themselves in your mind and it didn’t help you ease that gnawing gut feeling you felt. Why did those last five words feel like a goodbye? Your mind was wandering and eventually sleep took over both of you as you were intertwined with each other, two hearts beating as one.

As you awoke from your slumber, you had to take a moment before you remembered where you were. Soft rays of sunshine peeked through the window and you stretched your body to get up. You turned around to expect Sebastian’s warm body next to yours, but you were met with an empty, cold space. The sheets were still crumpled as if someone laid there just a few moments before.

Confused you look around in the room, but no sign of the chestnut-haired boy. A slight panic travelled through your body as you got out of bed. You opened the door, hoping to see him there but with no luck. It was as if he was never there.

Frustration filled you, you swallowed hard. What was he up to? Did he turn himself in? Did he go to Anne himself to reason with her? To apologize? Suddenly, you heard footsteps coming from the top vivarium where your Phoenix resided. Hopeful you looked up and expected Sebastian to walk down the stairs but to your disappointment, it was just Deek.

“Mr. Sallow left a note for you. He wanted Deek to give it to you.” Lips pressed together, you nodded and took the note from Deek’s hands. Folding it open, your eyes filled with tears and you felt your heart break.

“Thank you for loving me even though I didn’t deserve it. Please tell Anne I’m sorry.”

It seems your gnawing gut feeling was right, he was saying goodbye to you last night.

Sebastian didn’t show up that whole week and news travelled fast. After all, someone with his charisma is well-known and easily missed when he is not around. Sitting down across from Ominis at breakfast, you watched him for a moment. Ominis clutched his utensils as he silently eavesdropped on some students sitting further down the table. His face wore a pained expression. “I’ve heard his uncle died so suddenly in his sleep. Now he and his sister really have no one left. He probably went back home to his sister.” Ominis let out a scoff before continuing to eat his breakfast.

You and Ominis knew better. Sebastian didn’t return to his home in Feldcroft, he didn’t return to Anne. He knows how much pain he caused her, and both you and Ominis for dabbling in dark magic. He didn’t want to cause more pain and grief to those closest to him, not knowing if he could stay on the right path after feeling the power dark magic can give you.

So he disappeared that night as if he never existed in your life. And every night, you still sat in the Undercroft, hoping one day he would return to you.

Thank you for reading! All the likes, reblogs and comments are appreciated <3

[navvyu]

AN: thank you for requesting! i personally agree, hope i did good at writing this it was a bit hard bc its my first time writing yandere. sorry if its wonky =＾● ⋏ ●＾= ALSO IM SO SORRY FOR HIS COMING OUT LATE :,) (i would like to mention that i worked on this fic almost entirely at school too lmao)

Housewardens with a yandere! male! reader

*not beta read

Warnings: implied stalking, implied murder/violence, creepy behavior(?), kidnapping (all by reader)

Includes: Riddle, Leona, Azul, Klaim, Vil, Idia, Malleus

Riddle

 Would at first suspect nothing, simply thinking that his students are finally learning the queen of hearts rules

He would start to suspect something wrong when  some of his more… pushy students went missing (not to mention that the pain used to paint the roses seemed thicker as of late…)

Riddle would become weary when he started feeling eyes on him at all times

He would go for a  walk in the rose maze to attempt to clear his head, an easy mistake really

Would attempt to cause you physical harm in attempt to get away, he tried multiple times to escape all in different methods (but still ending horribly) 

After trying to escape far to many times, he would still hate you with all his heart but he would just push through silently hoping that somebody would save him

“You're far too horrible to be called human, You're nothing but a disgraceful monster. You should be ashamed.”

Leona

At first, leona would enjoy that people had started leaving him alone

But when ruggie started avoiding him, he became suspicious

Would have trouble sleeping because he cloud feel somebody watching him

since he is often alone, sleeping it was easy to 'capture' him

Often tries to escape, will bite

hates you and will vocalize it to you no qualms about it

He tries to use his magic to kill you along with trying to use his brute strength to try and harm you

once he find physical violence doesn't swade you, he will try to degrade you

may try to harm himself to manipulate you to letting him go

after awhile he'll just sit and growl at you but not actually do anything

"You're horrible. i never want to see you again."

Azul

 Starting off, if Azul noticed your obsession with him he would attempt to rope you into a deal, trying to use your favorability to persuade you

If he didn't notice your obsession he probably would either just dismiss you or not give you much thought

But Azul would quickly notice the change in attitude of everyone, his clients who had originally refused begging for him to let them reconsider, workers of mostro lounge being on higher performance, the leech twins being more ‘mellowed out’, though he appreciated it all it still made him a bit suspicious

When decided to finally investigate, he was completely alone without any protection, stupid honestly

Would try to use his ‘benevolence’ to persuade you to let him go, but that obviously didn't work

Once he found that it was futile to try and trick you he would resort to physical means to escape

He attempted to trick you again, trying to convince you that he loved you and he was trustworthy but again, he failed miserably

At some point he’ll just get used to it and he’ll shut up

“Please let me go, you love me don't you? How could a man like you be so cruel to his one and only?”

Kalim

 Would almost immediately notice the small changes in everything but wouldn't know the cause.

Kalim after a while of people refusing his party invites, hangouts, and other social events, Kalim might start to believe that people were growing to dislike him…

That doubt started to turn into worry when Jamil when missing, seemingly out of nowhere

Now with Kalim being alone most times, it was easier to knock him out

When he woke up, he almost immediately knew he was kidnapped. Not the first time its happened after all…

May try and beg for your mercy or to let him go bt in the end he knew it was futile

He ended up simply accepting his situation and gave up almost all hope, aside from trying to escape every time he had the chance to

“Why would you do this? I trusted you…”

Vil

 Might notice your “creepy” behavior if you show it openly

Vil began noticing that a few things were changing, how rook seemed to avoid him, epel being more obedient and so on

Was pleased at first but it quickly became concert and worry

As he paced in his room attempting to connect the dots to what was happening, it gives you a clear window to take him while he’s distracted <3

When he first ‘disappeared’ there were tons, thousand, millions even of people looking for him, if you successfully hide him though it should be to much of a rock in the road

Vil would attempt to escape, or even try to poison you on multiple occasions along with heavy degradation

They all ended in futility of course , but he’s still stubborn as ever

“You’re disgusting… How could you do this? Any other man would have treated me better.”

Idia

 honestly he’s probably the easiest to have as your target

All you have to do i earn his trust and ortho’s trust and you’ll basically be set

Idia wouldn't notice anything to out of the ordinary, aside from some of his gaming friends not messaging him, nothing was amiss

Since Idia doesn't often go outside of his room it was easy to keep him ‘’trapped’ there

Though Idia might be a little down he’ll appreciate your company

But when you he a little but clingy he might think somethings suspicious but he’ll brush past it, excusing it has him not being to connected to ‘normie culture’

If he notices that you’re not letting him interact with others or the outside world he might try to get Ortho to search up if its weird or not

When Ortho says its odd behavior he might try to push away form you but he couldn't bring himself to fully commit to it

Overall, either won't notice or will simply brush it off

“Hey wanna join me on this RPG? I think you might like this new charter, he kinda acts like you ya know?”

Malleus

 Would also probably not notice that the behavior is considered weird, simply thinking that it's a human custom

May find your obsessive nature endearing, thinking that you just like him alot

Since nobody really even came near him it was easy to keep most potential rivals away

Once the diasmonia group seemed to push away form Malleus he of course became upset that the people he considered family were leaving him

But at least he has you!

Malleus may think that the sudden abandonment is unnatural and may try to dig deeper into what's going on but he wont find much

May at his own will just stay at an arm's length away because he's scared of losing you

“Please don't leave me, I don't think I could take it…”

[slutforsnow]

Lady With Lousy Luck

Part two of "A Pretty Girl Playin' With The Big Boy's" (<-link to pt 1)

CW/TW// guns, Billy is his own warning (so is Jesse, but this aint abt him LMAO), shooting, talk about abusive/manipulative ex and old friend, scars, forced marriage (?), shooting, grooming

Summary: Violet hangs with Billy and Jesse as they go shooting and get to know each other

A/N: Oh. My. Satan. GUYS ILY FOR GIVING PART ONE A CHANCE TY😭😭🫶🏼🫶🏼 also I might proofread that cause I posted it at 2am LMFAO if you guys have any writing tips/notice any misspellings lmk (also this is after the scene where he helps Kathleen working before he goes shooting with Jesse)

"Vi, why did you bet so much?" Jesse inquired as they walked to the make-shift shooting area after leaving Billy to let him join and check up on his ma. She shrugged, not really knowin' why herself.

"Don't know, just felt like it." As she spoke, she was rubbing her arm red and raw from how hard that gambler had grabbed her. She scowled as they walked, biting the inside inside of her cheek. The gambler had looked too similar to her ex. Shaking her head, she shuddered, trying to rid the image of her ex's face from her mind. 'Outta sight, outta mind my ass.'

"What's Billy like?" She questioned back, avoiding the topic of why she shuddered or bet so much.

"How d'you mean? I've told you he's a pretty damn good gunslinger for his age." Jesse looked at his younger sister with a raised brow.

Violet looked at Jesse with a look that could pierce through anything."Not like that, dumbass, I mean, is he a good person or somethin'." She swore that Jesse was messin' with her with how he shrugged. She was goin' to slap this man. She didn't care how much older he was.

"He's pretty quiet, hardworking," Jesse began, stoppin' for a moment to relax. "Loves his ma, Kathleen, and little brother, Joseph, to death. He hates his step-father, and between you and me, I can't blame him for that—but other than that, he keeps to himself."

Violet nodded, leaning against a tree and looking up at the blue sky. She watched the clouds go by as the pair waited for Billy to arrive, and she remembered how defeated Billy looked back at the saloon.

She bit the inside of her cheek, thinking about it. She decided to be nice decided to give Billy her winnings from poker to him. She figured it would be a nice 'thanks for savin' my ass' sort of gesture.

When Billy arrived, Violet watched them shoot the targets from a spot on the grassy plains behind them.

She was mesmerized by his focus and draw. How the muscles in his hand flexed when he drew his pistol and fired. She had to admit, it was hot and so was he–but not just physically. Billy was respectful, a gentleman, funny, loyal, and powerful. She knew he'd be a good friend in the long run, so she planned to at least become his friend.

As Jesse and Billy conversed about guns and how to modify them, Violet started to rub her bruise again. It was a reminder. A painful reminder of the man she hated. The one who almost ruined her life and ended her life of innocence.

She laid down in the grass, laying like a starfish, and sighed. 'When I find you, Henry Antrim, I'll kill you.'

After a few minutes, Jesse came over kicking Violet in the side, which earned him a kick to the knee.

"I'm awake, what," She groaned out, sitting up. Jesse rolled his eyes before dropping his sister's hat on her face.

"Goin' piss, entertain Billy," He said, before deeper into the trees to relieve himself as the bathrooms were too far of a walk from their place.

"Hi again, ma'am," Billy greeted, tippin' his hat down to Violet and sitting down in the grass next to her.

She laughed softly and playfully pushed him in his side as she sat up.

"No need to call me ma'am, Billy, I'm perfectly okay with being called Violet."

"But wouldn't you find that disrespectful?" He questioned, taking his hat off.

"Nah. I ain't really fond of being called miss or ma'am. Not after my ex," Violet stated, grabbing her lucky make-shift knife and stabbing the dirt as she looked at Billy. He looked nervous to be talking to a woman around his age. Alone.

"Oh... we'll... what exactly did he do? If you don't mind me asking?"

"Well, the short story is... he popped my cherry before I was ready. He and an old friend of a mine also sort of... controlled and manipulated me to think it was fine despite being 16 he was, I think, maybe mid-to-late 40s. Said it was love, but...it wasn't," She explained, gripping her blade hard before throwing it at a tree down by the targets, and it stuck into the trunk.

Billy was taken aback by the sudden drop of what happened and why she hated her ex so badly. Finding no words to say, Billy hesitantly put a hand on her back and rubbed her back in a comforting manner. Violet had originally shuddered at the touch and had gone to shove him off, but instead... she relaxed. She half-leaned into his touch, finding comfort and warmth from the cold and distant man. Billy didn't speak, but Violet didn't want him to. Most people asked how she could be so stupid or yell at her for being dumb. But Billy offered comfort, and she found solace in it.

As a few minutes passed, Violet suddenly sat up remembering something. "Oh shit, I almost forgot!" Billy looked down at her puzzled as she fished out her winnings from poker. When she finally grabbed the large wad of cash, she pressed it firmly into his rough and calloused hands.

"Here," She said, smiling up at him as the wind blew her curls out of her face.

Billy stared, puzzled. She was giving him her winnings and didn't understand why.

"Why are you giving me your winnings...?" He asked, slowly closing his hand around the wad of cash and coins.

"Cause you saved my ass- besides, I planned to buy you a drink, but my brother gave me a look that said we needed to get out of there now. Figured money would be a better alternative after hearin' about the mining accident," She answered, playfully hitting him in the shoulder as he stared at her in awe.

Billy didn't really understand the whole concept of love at first sight, but he did know one thing; this woman was his soulmate.

[darknessisafriend]

hi, can i have another request 👉👈 what about commodus not sleeping or barely sleeping for a long time (cause paranoia) and the reader is the only one who manages to calm him down and finally get him to have a good rest? with a side of Extra Cuddling please

Here it is! always such a pleasure to write Commodus! enjoy^^

Sleepless slumber

Dark and dreadful night, the owl on the roof, the cracking of the fire on the torches of the room, what a nightmare it had become for him, his thoughts running so loud that it became unbearable. How could people sleep so tight at night when there was so much to do? So much for the glory of Rome…

It had been weeks since Commodus had a restful night of sleep. At first, he had tried to come to bed under your encouragements, now he didn’t try anymore. He simply did not sleep. It had started to affect his physical and mental health already, he had grown more emotional, irritable and irrational, his paranoia growing while his body struggled to keep up with training during the day, missing his targets while shooting an arrow or not thinking strategically while fighting with his sword.

His eyes were red and teary as he blanky stared at his paperwork, unable to think clearly. He wanted to cry, to yell, to kill them all…his thoughts were briefly stopping as without realizing he could hear a white buzz in his ear, warning sign of another brief loss of consciousness like he had so often lately. His hold on his quill became lighter, the feather slipping from his hands and dropping on the paper, leaving an ink stain over the assassination list he was making.

“Commodus?” your voice startled him, but he could barely react, his mind clouded by exhaustion. You quickly approached him; this situation had gone for far too long. “Now you will go to sleep.” You stated severely, about to put your hands on his shoulders to help him stand, but he seized your wrist, his hold strong but not as painful as he wanted it to be.

“How dare you…talk to me that way! I am not a child.” he snarled angrily, deeply anchored into paranoia.

You snatched your wrist away easily, another proof of his severe state “As your wife I have to look after you, husband. The state you are in is…you won’t be able to stand for long, especially in front of your enemies.” Your words seemed to move something inside him, making him wince, looking away, his breathing still quick. Your hand came to gently cup his cheek to make him look at you in the eyes. He had that childish look, full of anger and exhaustion. “Come to bed with me, my love. This is all I ask for. I give you my word it will help you with the rest.” You added on a softer tone, a tender smile on your lips; from the start you had grown fond of this ball of emotion Commodus was.

His eyes fluttered, still begging to close, he couldn’t even think anymore, the simple mention of the word ‘bed’ fell like a spell on mind, calling him again and again until he couldn’t resist anymore and stood up. His balance was quite off, but thankfully he could lean on you. The both of you made your way to the Imperial bedroom, not a single word uttered. Commodus needed silence, he was tired of talking and thinking anyway. The more minutes passed and the more he was enjoying surrendering to you, obeying without questioning, following your lead like a soulless puppet.

Once the door closed, you stood before him and slowly started to undress him, he wasn’t moving an inch, his whole focus was on staying up and not collapse. Once naked, his shoulders remained rounded, it wasn’t just the weight of his Emperor outfit, it was the whole weight of the Empire over him. How much it pained you…Commodus had only wanted to be Emperor to prove himself but never because he enjoyed it. You made him sit on the bed and knelt in front of him to undo his sandals; silence remained, not uncomfortable nor angry, it was full of words. Soon, you felt a drop brush against your face, followed by another one landing on your forearm, tears…but those weren’t yours. You lifted you head and looked at your husband in the eyes; he was the one crying, deep pain circulating in his icy orbs.

“Please don’t…” his whimper was barely hearable and made you wonder what he was begging you not to do. You watched him as leaned forward, taking your hand, the one he had grabbed earlier, his hands gently massaged your skin before placing an apologetic kiss on your inner wrist, followed by more, each featherlike, as if he was afraid to touch you, scared of his own inner demons, to hurt you.  You met his eyes, he was afraid, no, terrified.

You shook your head, a smile playing on your lips, reassuring “Fidelis ero tibi in vita et in morte. Numquam tradet amor meus ...” you murmured, those words of your union ceremony, he knew them by heart and cherished them more dearly than anything else. “Now let me kiss those tears away my love.” You added softly, standing up and leaning forward, your lips gently landing on the trails left on his cheeks by the tears. What more beautiful than the tears of regret absorbed by the kisses of forgiveness?

Commodus closed his eyes, his arms wrapping around your waist as he pulled you in bed, rolling over so you would land softly onto the feather mattress. His embrace tightened without being a bother to you, his face nuzzling against your breast. It made you smile; Commodus had always been the little spoon. You pulled the blankets over your bodies, entwining your legs together and then hugging him back, your hand soothingly caressing his dark hair.

“Isn’t this more comfortable?” you asked, referring to his sleepless nights sitting at his desk. He nodded, taking a deep breath and then exhaling, some tension escaping through his lungs, giving space to a growing sense of peace, at least for tonight.

“I wish I could stay in your arms and between your thighs forever.” He replied, his words slightly muffled against your chest. But it didn’t prevent you from blushing, now with those sensual words you could get insomnia. Your fingers buried in his curls, and you kissed his forehead, inhaling the scent of rosemary in his hair.

“It will be my greatest honor and pleasure.” You murmured, from the first time you met him, it had been like the thunder of Jupiter had hit you, condemned to love him forever and against all. Commodus was like the ocean, unstable, sometimes as calm as the dead sea and others a strong wave hit without warning. A true mystery that you knew you could never completely unveil. “How about we go horse riding tomorrow?” you asked, knowing how much he enjoyed it. But you were met with silence and then a deep breathing. You looked down and smiled, he had fallen asleep, finally…how hard it had been and yet so easy. The world could burn, as long as he could bury in your embrace, sheltering him from the rage of the night.

As always do not hesitate to like, comment and share! that's my only salary^^

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[fanaticalthings]

You’re headcanon of Battinson crying when it comes to his kids makes me wonder what his reaction would be to Jason’s death. Like even in the comics it’s said that Jason’s death shattered and nearly killed him emotionally as well as physically as Bruce literally threw himself into his work and fighting crimes

But you’re headcanon makes me imagine that it would go a little further and just not go out as Batman and instead wonder the Manor maybe spend a lot of time in Jason’s room. I can see Bruce also clinging to Dick and becoming protective of him.

Yess, in canon comics after Jason died, Bruce withdrew himself from everybody, including Dick. He threw himself fully into crime fighting to the point where he disregarded his own safety and health.

And on top of all that, Dick also mentioned how Bruce basically got rid of any evidence that Jason even existed (I'm assuming photos, Jason's clothes, his books, etc) from his (Bruce's) bedroom. So comic Bruce clearly was so pained by Jason's death that he couldn't bear to even look at anything that reminded him of Jason. I have no idea what Bruce did to Jason's own bedroom but I'm assuming he never steps foot in it again.

Now as for Battinson, I think his reaction and grieving would be a bit different. Like anon said, I def think Battinson would cling more protectively to Dick and would spend long periods in Jason's room just mourning the loss of his son.

I also feel like he would sleep in Jason's bed and cry himself to sleep, imagining that he still has his son in his arms with him like all those times Jason sought him out after a nightmare or when he just wanted to cuddle with Bruce.

Comic!Bruce barely cried when Jason died (although it was still very obvious he was distraught over it), but I think Battinson would be the opposite and would cry at every little reminder of Jason, and unlike Comic!Bruce, would make sure to keep all of Jason's belongings where he left them (especially if they were left in Bruce's room)

In the comics, Bruce never told Dick about Jason's death, causing Dick to miss the funeral and making their relationship even more tense than before, however, I think battinson!Bruce would want Dick even more present in his life now that Jason has left a gapping hole.

This man just went through the most traumatizing and heartbreaking thing a parent can experience so of course he'd want to keep his remaining child with him at all times. I also feel like this would make Dick and him closer than ever (even if Bruce's helicopter parenting can be a bit much), since Battinson!Bruce would be more emotionally vulnerable and open, which would allow them to grieve together and maybe in a more healthy way.

Battinson!Bruce would dedicate so many charities and memorials to Jason, and would visit his grave all the time so he could read to him. In general, I still believe this Bruce would still close himself off, but only to people who aren't in his immediate circle/family.

The immediate aftermath of Jason's death would be absolutely devastating for him. If Death in the Family were to happen in The Batman universe, I need Battinson to let out the most heartwrenching cry when he comes across Jason's body, like i need him to be full body sobbing in the explosive aftermath of Joker's deeds. I need to see him viscerally torn apart as he clutches Jason's body tightly to his chest like how a parent would gently cradle their child to sleep. I just need it to be absolutely obvious that this man has just gone through something maybe worse than his own parents' deaths, and I want it to be known that Jason dying meant a part of Bruce died too.

It would hurt so much more considering Battinson!Bruce started off very closed off, and the only reason he came close to functioning like a healthy human was because his first sons broke down his walls and filled his life with a purpose other than serving vengeance. Dick and Jason would probably bring sm love back into his life, so imagine how badly he reacts when suddenly losing a large part of that? Bruce basically raised Jason, taught him almost everything he knew, and in turn Jason (and Dick ofc) taught Bruce how to love, and be a father, so it must've been so painful knowing he'll never get to see his baby grow.

I still think Battinson would pull a comic!Bruce and throw himself aggressively into crimefighting and detective work, except when he comes home he'll make sure to spend time with Dick, and maybe sit around in Jason's room, reminiscing all their memories together.

As for Jason's return as Red Hood? Lmao that man wouldn't dare lay a finger on his son, he would immediately tackle Jason into a loving embrace and cry his heart out after finding out his baby is alive

[strniohoeee]

Revenant pt.2

Pairings: Matt Sturniolo X female reader, friends to lovers, feelings are admitted some more

Synopsis: Y/N has been suffering from her accident 7 months ago, but she’s not normal, and Matt notices. When they find out what happens will they help her be healed again???

Warnings⚠️: supernatural, ghosts, mentions of death, actual death, mentions of suicide. A single kiss….and that should be all it’s a spooky imagine😋

“I think we’ll have to try and get y/n back” Matt said looking at everyone

“Matt have you lost your fucking mind we are NOT about to idk “kill” y/n and hope her real soul comes back, do you know how fucking crazy that sounds!” Nick screeches at Matt

“I have to agree with Nick we have way too much on the line to attempt this, if y/n soul doesn’t come back we’re stuck with some random spirit who doesn’t know us” Chris said shaking his head and letting out a deep sigh

“Do you realize how insane this looks WE ARE ATTEMPTING TO GET A SPIRIT BACK TO THE RIGHT BODY?!?! WE’RE NOT FUCKING GHOST BUSTERS HOW IS THIS SHIT FUCKING REAL” Nick yelled at Matt with wide eyes and a shocked face

“Might I also add there’s no way this is real? Like no fucking way we sound fucking crazy” Chris said laughing a little

Y/N was completely silent watching the boys banter back and forth. She was contemplating if she wanted to do this or not; because this was in fact INSANE. They had to kill her physical body in order for her soul to come back. Was this a fucking movie?? She wasn’t too sure if she wanted to believe this. One part of her wanted to be back and enjoy her life like she was supposed to, but another part of her felt bad for the other spirit that most likely had no real body to go back to. She would be forgotten forever and feel lost and cold like Y/N had felt for those 7 months trying to figure out who *scratch that* WHAT she was. Y/N felt horrible just thinking about this poor soul having to truly die.

“Guys I’m not so sure how I feel about this” Y/N finally opened up while looking that the three boys

“What do you mean? Don’t you want to come back, and not be a ghost in our lives?” Chris said almost dumbfounded

“Of course I want to come back to you guys. I love and miss you, and these past 7 months have been dark and cold and lonely, but this other soul in me will soon feel that, and I don’t want her to feel how I felt. It’s a scary dark feeling” she says as she wipes tears from her eyes

“Y/N we can’t live without you, what are you going to do just take over this random spirit everyday, and leave her confused when she comes back to your body?” Matt asks, almost annoyed that Y/N would even think of not trying this.

“You know maybe I’m meant to die. Maybe I’m meant to just be a memory of yours, a ghost that follows you around. Maybe that’s what my fate has been all along” Y/N says to them, immediately their faces drop

“Have you lost your fucking mind? You are not meant to die! You are meant to be here with us can’t you see this? You’re meant to be here with me? You’re my Y/N” Matt said getting emotional

“You know y/n Matt’s right! If you weren’t meant to be alive your soul wouldn’t be here for as long as it did, after a while you’re supposed to come to terms and move on into the actual after life and not be a ghost searching” Padi said looking over at the boys

“But I’m scared. What if this doesn’t work out I’ll be gone forever then” y/n said avoiding eye contact out of heartbreak

“I’m very confident this will work. If I wasn’t sure I would’ve never brought it up” Padi responds walking over to Y/N and giving her a comforting hug

“Lets do it” Y/N says after Padi released her from the hug

“YES OMG YES” Chris jumps up dancing around like a child, and to this everyone laughed at his excitement

“Well how do we do this? How do we kill me without causing me pain” Y/N said cringing a little bit at this absurd situation

“I mean you could drown, or take too much medicine, suffocate” Padi said all nonchalant

“Jesus, Padi that’s intense” Nick said very shocked

“So either get killed or kill myself” Y/N said very perplexed, and to this Padi nodded with an apologetic look on her face

“But you’ll have to do while still in the body, and as your life is fading away you have to leave the body, and wait till the physical body is dead before you take over the body, this allows time for the old soul to leave, and that’s when you have to get in the body. But you have to time it right or both souls will be dead and you’ll be left with a physical dead body which will not be good for you guys” Padi said looking over at the boys. Their expressions changed, and they started to look worried and stressed

“GUYS! This will work. I will get back to my body!” Y/N said giving them a reassuring smile

“Although you could technically kill yourself I recommend that you be killed so one of them has complete control over the situation” Padi said and everyone nodded to this

“Alright, who wants to kill me?” Y/N asks getting up from her chair all excited

“The fact that you’re excited is very concerning to me. We don’t want to do this” Chris said rubbing his eyes

“Don’t be a pussy Chris” Y/N said laughing at him, Chris lifts his head up and points at Y/N “this bullying I don’t miss” he said laughing a little bit

“Are we doing this now?” Matt asks looking over at Y/N. She nods and gives him a weak smile

They all head upstairs to Matt’s room. Y/N lays down on the bed and gives them a reassuring smile

“This will work guys I promise you I’m coming back! I can not leave you guys” she said as puts her head down on the bed

“Okay so as the body is dying you need to leave the body, and wait for the body to die. As a spirit you will know when the body is dead, and then you need to enter the body, and CPR will have to be done and if you entered correctly you Y/N should be back in your correct body.” Padi said like it was the easiest thing ever

“Easier said than done” Nick says shaking his head and pacing around the room

“Calm down Nick! Alright, who's killing me?” Y/N said almost laughing at her words

To this question all the boys just froze now wanting to be responsible for the possible death of their best friend.

“Matt you should do it” Chris blurts out pushing Matt forward and backing away

“ME?!?! Are you fucking crazy kid?” Matt turns around looking at Chris

“Holy shit someone just kill me already I want to be back in my body” Y/N groans getting annoyed that we didn’t want to kill her

Matt nods his head and walks over to the bed. He grabs a pillow and looks down at Y/N with tears welling in his eyes

“I’m so fucking sorry if this doesn’t work out. I love you so much” Matt says, and with this Y/N nods her head and whispers" I love you back "before nodding at him to go on.

Matt lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding and places the pillow over Y/N's face pushing down with as much weight as he could. It took a few seconds for her to start thrashing around. “FUCK IM SORRY IM SORRY” Matt yells while crying and continuing to put pressure on her thrashing body. Behind him stood a sad Padi, and Chris and Nick clinging onto each other crying a little bit as well. After 4 minutes of this agonizing torture to Matt. Y/N’s body stopped moving and she went completely limp. Matt removes the pillow and frantically looks at Padi

“WHAT DO I DO NOW” he says wide eyed, Padi runs over and checks Y/N’s pulse, realizing she doesn’t have one she has the boys help her get Y/N onto the floor so she can perform CPR

Padi immediately starts giving Y/N CPR and mouth to mouth. The boys are starting to worry that this crazy plan was actually a very stupid and reckless plan, and that y/n fate might be over.

Padi is pumping down on Y/N’s chest like she was a lifeless ragdoll, and to Matt that’s exactly what she looked like. Matt was starting to have a panic attack as he started to realize the love of his life may never come back.

Flash Back

Matt never really believed in love, and of course he loved his friends and family, and as him and his brothers grew famous on social media he began to love his fans. But real love? The love you see in movies, and read in books? Yeah that love had Matt laughing, and calling anyone who believed in love and soulmates an absolute fool.

He can't really remember when he started loving you, because he never believed in love. Oftentimes he was annoyed with how much of a hopeless romantic you were. Always looking for love, and to give love, but he found it pointless, and childish. He always tried to tell you to stop looking because it wasn't real, and no matter how many heartbreaks, nights of you being stood up or flat out rejected you never stopped loving. Although he was getting tired of having to pick up the broken pieces, and always being his shoulder to cry on, he would never say I told you so, and you always knew thats what he wanted to say. He admired the fact that even after all the heartbreak you still got up, and found the good in people, and would continue many more of these painful experiences.

He wasn't sure if he fell in love with you because you showed him how easy it is to love and be loved, or because you were always there wanting to be a part of his life, or maybe it was when he would be holding you after another asshole treated you terribly. And he would always tell himself “I would never hurt her shes all I ever wanted.” But he always told himself no because Matt Sturniolo doesn’t fall in love.

Flashback over

But why is it now as he watches your body slip away, hes feeling the weight of 1,000 pounds on his chest constricting his airway. Why is it that right now he wants to shake you awake and tell you how much he has always loved you, but was too scared to accept that he himself, in all his flaws and imperfections, can too feel true love.

Matt slowly calms himself down as Padi is still performing CPR. It’s been two minutes, but in Matt's mind it felt like all of eternity.

Suddenly he hears Y/N jump up and take a sharp inhale as she comes to her senses,

“Y/N?” Matt says looking over at her

“It’s me Matt, it's me” she says giving me a smile

Matt runs over to her on the floor and scoops her up

“You showed me love! You showed me that no matter how imperfect I am I can still be loved. I'm such an idiot for not realizing it sooner. I have loved you since the day you drunkenly told me that any woman was lucky to have me, and that in another lifetime I was yours to keep.” Matt said looking into Y/N’s eyes. She blushed at this statement and looked down.

“Matt I have loved you since the day I saw your eyes shimmer a different hue when I broke things off with that one guy. That day I truly felt like we would be each other's everything one day, or nothing at all. I held onto that hope, and as each day went on I slowly started to believe this was all made up, and you were not mine to have.” Y/N said looking at Matt reading his face to see how he felt

“Y/N I love you, and I need you in my life forever and always whether it's in this lifetime or another. You will always be mine, and I feel horrible for only truly realizing this as you lay dying, and fighting to come back to your real body.” Matt said, grabbing Y/N’s face and looking her in the eyes.

“Matt you’re my everything, and I need you here with me for the rest of my life” she responded looking down at Matt’s lips

They both looked into each others eyes, and down to each other's lips, both leaning in, and sharing a kiss that could stop time, and cure every problem within themselves.

After pulling away they were interrupted by Chris

“That was the cutest shit I have ever seen now stop before you make me sick” he said as he wiped a tear from his eye and went over to hug Matt and Y/N, Nick walks over as well to join the group hug. “Yall are so fucking cute” he said also wiping his tears.

“ I suppose I’m no longer needed” Padi said with the biggest smile on her face, they broke the group hug and smiled at her thanking her.

“Padi I don’t know what I would have done without you, you literally saved me in all aspects” Y/N said giving her a hug

“Its what I do, but you need to take care of yourself, and make sure you allow yourself to properly heal. You just transferred from a soul back to a human” Padi said laughing a little bit.

“This is fucking insane, I still can’t believe this is real” Chris said acting mind blown

“This is probably the craziest unbelievable shit to have ever happened, and this stays between all of us” Nick said rubbing his eyes. We all agreed and let Padi pack up so she can head out.

Before she left she turned around to us

“The girl says thank you for setting her soul free. She’s able to go watch over her family before she completely moves on” Padi said, we all smiled at this, and allowed Padi to leave.

“Guys im so fucking happy to be back I missed you all, and I really missed Matt” Y/N said giving Matt a kiss on the cheek.

“Were so fucking happy to have you back! What do you say? movie night in my room??” Nick asked, all excited, and we agreed. Nick and Chris ran up the stairs then Matt, and the me, but before I could make it to the second step I felt a shiver down my spine and my neck hairs stand up.

This caused me to straighten up, and let go of Matt’s hand, this caused him to turn and look at me.

“Hey you okay?” He asked raising an eyebrow

“Yeah I'm good! Thought I felt something, but I think its just after shock of everything.” She responded back to the worried boy. He nodded his head, and they all went back to running up to Nick’s room.

The end.

Or was it……

Thank you sooo much for reading part 2. I’m not sure if I’ll do a part 3 I don’t want this story to drag on, so it depends maybe I will, or maybe you’ll end it how you want in your mind.

-J💅🏽

[sorcerersandskillusers]

BSD abilities and how they connect to character trauma

This was inspired by this post: here from @noose-lion which you should defiantly read! TL:DR Op thinks abilities originate from trauma and gave some great examples and evidence.

I wanted to catalogue all the abilities we know that have clear connection to character trauma.

Atsushi: He was tortured from a incredibly young age, constantly abused by the orphanage director, Shibusawa and even his own parents. Of cousre a scared helpless child, who spent his life being hurt by people much strong then him would wish he could be a big strong tiger, who could never be hurt again (hence the bullet proof fur and regeneration).

Kunikida: An Idealist who wished to bring his visions of the world into reality gained the power to bring his writings to life by literally manifesting his Ideals from his book.

Akutagwa: A child who grew up in the chaos of the slums, constantly being hurt or attacked gained the power to defend himself and his friends with his only possession the clothes on his back. He gained a sword to kill anyone who he wanted and a shield to defend himself from any physical threat.

Fukuzawa: After seeing the pain an uncontrollable gift could cause to someone (I know Ranpo wasn't really gifted but the principle is the same). he gained the power to help other people control their own gifts and let them reach their full potential.

Kenji: A little boy who after having his best friend stolen from him by mother nature, gained the unimaginable power of a natural disaster himself, and used it to save his village.

Gogol: A man who so desperately craved true freedom, gained the ability to go anywhere he wished.

Tachihara: A boy who only wished to live up to his brothers legacy gained the same powers as him.

Fitzgerald: Someone who craves power and strength more then anything, was able to turn his biggest asset (his money) into physical strength.

Q: a child who must have been abused a lot and instead of just wishing to defend themselves they wanted to hurt people back as bad as possible, and make them feel out of control

I'm sure their are some I missed but to me these are the characters where its clear what lead to them getting their abilities.

There are also a few characters whose abilities don't fit the mold/aren't their own:

Chuuya: whose original power is still unclear

Verlain: who was a skill lifeform

Kyoka: who was given her power by her mother

Sigma: who was created by the book

All in all I think that the idea of abilities being born from trauma and desire but rarely actually fixing the underlying problem and often making things worse is an incredibly cool idea and fits the message of bsd perfectly.

Power does not solve your problem, the support of others is where true value lies.

[ebestelle]

James hangs his head, muttering a silencing spell, before facing Regulus, who’s looking at him apprehensively, not sure what to expect. James doesn’t blame him. He doesn’t know what he’s going to do either.

“You bastard,” he whispers. Then, louder, “You fucking bastard .”

Regulus can’t meet his gaze.

“Look at me.”

He doesn’t.

“Please?” James almost whines. “Just look at me. I deserve that at least. It’s just me, Regulus.”

“That’s exactly why I can’t,” comes the boy in the chair’s quiet response.

“Fuck you,” James bites. Then, his expression crumbles. “You know me. And you know I would’ve helped. You should have told me.”

“I didn’t want you involved. You could have gotten hurt,” Regulus says quietly, still looking at the floor. “I wouldn’t put you at risk.”

“Well, a fat lot of good that did me, huh?” James is angry now. He can’t keep it in; it’s just bubbling over, and there’s nothing he can do to stop it. “I would’ve gotten hurt either way. And I did! I got—” He runs his hand through his hair shakily, thinking of the astronomy tower, of his parents, of his loneliness. Of how much he’s missed Regulus just being near him. “I got hurt so fucking bad, Reg. And you weren’t there.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispers.

“Fuck sorry!” James raises his voice now, making Regulus flinch a bit. Good , James thinks. A part of him relishes it, and the other part, the biggest part wants to crumble for it. “I needed you! And I know you needed me. You know I would have done anything, anything at all to help you if only you’d’ve told me .” James throws his arms out helplessly. “But, you just have to go and do everything alone, like always. Doesn’t matter what you do to yourself as long as you don’t drag me into it, huh?” His eyes well, lip quivering. He’s on the edge, and he knows he’s going to tip soon. “Did it ever occur to you that the only thing I ever cared about was what happened to you? If you were okay, and happy, and safe?”

Regulus just closes his eyes, looking like he’s physically pained. “What was I supposed to do, James? He would have killed you. He could have gone into my mind, saw how much I—I—” He stops himself. “He was going to kill you if I didn’t cooperate—didn’t stay in line. You—you know what he did to my mother and father. He—”

James’ brows draw down. “Regulus,” he says, and his tone causes Regulus to open his eyes and miserably look up at him, finally . When James says his name, it’s low and dangerous. “Why did Voldemort kill Walburga and Orion?”

Regulus’ eyes slip shut again, before he opens them and looks up at James with such remorse that his heart aches at the sight.

“I figured out how to kill him.”

James gasps slightly in surprise, eyes going wide.

“I’m—” He stops again, but this time because he seems to not be able to get his next words out. “I’m here to ask for help in destroying him.”

His word choice worries James. Regulus can be cryptic, sure, but he always says what he means. He’s about to ask, but Regulus forces another string of words out.

“I can’t do it alone. Not this time.”

James’ heart simultaneously melts and breaks at the same time. And he just knows that he would do anything this boy asked of him without a moment’s hesitation.

“I’ll do it.”

Regulus’ head shoots up. “What? James, you don’t even know what it entails yet.”

James wants to hold him close, and never let him go.

“Baby, all you’ve ever had to do is ask.”

He watches as Regulus’ lip quivers, his eyes overflow, and suddenly he’s weeping. He’s weeping, tied up to a chair right in front of James. He’s right in front of James. This is all it takes for James to snap. He flicks his wand, banishing Regulus’ magical bonds, before tossing it to the floor and scooping the boy up in his arms. Regulus flings his arms around James’ neck, but his knees buckle, bringing them to the floor together in a heap.

“I’m never going to forgive you, Regulus. I could have kept you safe. I’ll never forgive you for this.” The words flow from his mouth like the tears from his eyes, and he can feel the truth in them.

Regulus just sobs. “I know, Flower. I know.”

“I would’ve kept you safe, kept you forever, but instead you broke my heart,” James cries because he can’t stop now. Regulus’ shoulders shake violently. James pulls away from him, looking into his eyes. He holds Regulus’ chin between his fingers so he can’t look away from him.

“You can’t do it again. I can’t handle it. Promise me that you won’t do it again. I need you to promise me, Regulus,” James pleads.

Regulus whimpers, “I can’t trust myself to make that promise. But believe me, I don’t want to hurt you anymore. I can’t stand to see you wilted.”

‘I don’t want to hurt you anymore.’ It’s a phrase that rips James’ heart out of his chest, and then plunges it right back in like a breath of fresh air. It’s an echo of all those years ago in the astronomy tower, an echo from the day all of James’ stars fell from the sky, never to rise again.

Regulus raises a shaky hand to cup James’ cheek tentatively. More tears spill down to drip off of his chin.

“I’m so sorry, James. I’m so, so sorry.”

And that’s all it takes.

James’ heart calls out for Regulus, almost beating out of his chest to reach him. His vision blurs, and now he’s losing it, losing all of it, every part of himself. Regulus whispers choked up sorry’ s and I know, Flower’ s in his ear, and it isn’t much, but James never asked for much from Regulus. He never needed it. He just needed him.

James Potter has always prided himself on his ability to keep himself together.

Regulus Black has always had a crippling effect on James, though.

And, now, with the soft whispers of sweet nothings in his ear, the steady heartbeat beneath his hand, and the feeling of being enveloped by Regulus Black, James can feel his broken pieces begin to crawl back to their place, the place that left him four years ago. His heart was gone, it had left him, but now it’s back, and James is hoping with all his being that it won’t leave him again. But he’s blind in this: Regulus is his own person, and James can’t hold him down. It’s Regulus’ choice. He knows what he would choose. James would choose to love Regulus every time. He burrows his head in Regulus’s shoulder.

He quietly hopes that he’s not as alone in the sentiment as he feels he is.

— Under the Doorway by ebestelle on ao3

[lilisouless]

I try to respect people that don’t like the ending of ruin and rising, but it’s hard cause most of them tend to ignore factual things and fill in the information with their bias.

Cause other than Alina losing and missing her powers, also I don’t really like Leigh’s reasoning for it, but people say that it undoes her character development and, first: powers are a physical thing , they are not related to character.

The the other is “she is sick and lonely just like she was at the start of the book” at the start of the book she was not respected nor believed she was worthy of that, at the end she is loved by the people that know she is alive and respected by everyone else (the ones not on the anti grisha crowd). Also she felt unloved by people that weren’t Mal, at the end of the book the fact that the grisha still wanted her around after losing her powers pretty much made her realize she was loved for herself, not just as a weapon or a symbol.

I’ll let aside the sick part because i don’t recall her being told to be sickly, i assumed she was healthy since the reason of her being sickly not using her powers and she was told to work plenty.

The lonely makes me laugh because, first: in real life actually that’s pretty much how it works after you get married l you get your own place where most of the time you are around only with your partner, kids if you have, and coworkers, while your friends you see them not daily on a non regular schedule unless you live near them. Like, most people live with their partner, not their friends, that’s how marriage works.

But even then, she is far from lonely, not only Mal is there , Misha is too young to be leaving soon, she also spends time with the kids , in RoW they are not around because she didn’t want to endanger them. Also it is told that Nikolai and the grisha actually do visit her often and writes to Genya on a regular basis. She is hardly lonely.

Also people say the lonely argument on the same breath they complain about Mal being revived, when we’ll, he was revived so she wouldn’t end up lonely cause,unless Leigh says otherwise one day, i think she’d go back to fix the orphanage, regardless if Mal was brought back or not. Let me tell you that other author would have just killed Alina off, here she was given a chance to keep living away from the pain of the war. Cause the theme was never “powes rule!” it was how war destroys people, to the point even the people that scape it, like Alina and Mal, don’t get out unharmed, they lost something very dear to them and do their best to live with the aftermath. Also, by this point the darkling has been revived three freaking years after his killing on a ritual i still don’t understand, so you will have to get over Mal being revived by now.

Also, she doesn’t spend all her alone time being nostalgic about her powers, other than working she finds joy in painting. People only focus on the ending about Alina’s powers but not that she started doing maps for the army and ended up doing paintings for herself and the kids that once were like her.

Like, you can dislike it, but i haven’t seen arguments against it that don’t contradict the canon , if get if you don’t like it you won’t read it often or try to remember it. But you can double check if you are going to say why it’s a bad ending and then give reasons that contradict what’s actually told.

I have said many times that i wished she kept her powers, my problems with that are Leigh’s external reasoning (which I am very skeptical on ) but it’s far from bad writing or undoing her whole journey: she is one of the few characters allowed to somehow have the chance of getting back the childhood she lost (compared to Genya,Inej or Kaz). The good things she did are still there, the things she learned are still there, going back to where she started would be her on a place she holds no power and feels marginalized, where she ended up on a place she is in charge and loved.