Tbh I can see Tanizaki being someone able to put up a fight against Fukuchi, because Fukuchi being unable to see his target would significantly obstacle him. I'm still regretting we didn't get to see the Fukuchi vs. Tanizaki & Kunikida fight.
jvous jure c’est trop dur quand la personne à qui vous parliez tous les jours h24 ne vous parle plus comment c’est duuuuur … y’a un vrai vide là snif snif
Yep, almost a kilo of gain, but I'm fine with that. I know shark week is on its way, I've been eating dairy like there's no tomorrow, and working on a uni assignment which is very close to due means no regular exercise time, and lots of snacking time.
I took a week off work so I had time to do the assignment, so I haven't been getting physical activity on that front either. I've also made a significant financial decision which required a lot of attention and thought this week, though I'm very happy with how it turned out.
Overall, it's been a mentally busy, but physically restful, week. Next week I'll be back at work, done with uni for the year, and mapping out some home improvement stuff that I've been thinking about for roughly a year now. Surely I'll find time to workout in between all that, but I will make sure to rest where I need it too.
Honestly, I am so sick of being afraid to write what I want to write. I feel like since wanting to have my own honest view on how I see life, I cannot help but feel a shield between me and new thoughts, afraid that if I were to identify with them or to believe in them in any way, that I would be disappointed that it wouldn’t work down the track or I’d just deny it for another truth later on.
But I guess maybe that is something I need to embrace rather than reject, and walk into rather than avoid.
I just feel like I don’t know what’s real anymore. I am so happy with CH1-3 for the book. They are final and it. But I feel like the writer within me feels so foreign to who I am today. Like I try to embody the writer and then I make fun of it so it goes away. And the creativity and the weaving of words that I once did just feels so calculated and forced and Because I feel like things are now just a paradox, I just feel like I can’t ever say something that will mean anything.
But the weird thing is that when I read my CH1-3 redrafts, I believe it! And I see that it’s good writing! It makes me feel something, it makes me desire to pursue my dreams and to see through this lens that is being offered! But I feel like I am losing that person who saw through that lens -- especially after I felt like nothing was real. I disagree with my prior mentors, to the point where I don’t feel like I can write anything that I can agree with now. Because I have explored many different paths and now I’m shitting on all of them. I almost don’t believe what I believe in anymore. But I see angel numbers and I see all that -- the synchronicities. I saw a box with my name on it in Fitzroy and I manifested a car park immediately, but all those are such basic bitch examples and I want my book to be classical and sophisticated.
I did the Liz Gilbert thing which is to talk to the song or the chapter that is adamantly being so hard to write, and it still eludes me.
I am mad because I have all the other chapters to explore, but this one vexes me. And so what would I do? I would imagine and meditate that it was already done because right now I am feeling like it isn’t. And then I’d write it. But even when I do that, I still see a block.
I could leave it until I go for a trip for my bday this weekend (to Yarra Ranges) but I just feel like I cannot delay this any longer. I read some of big magic and I see that I need to just create for the sake of creating but everything just doesn’t match CH1-3. I am willing for this to change. I am willing for CH4 to be incredible and to focus on what CAN be written rather than what CAN’T be written. Because this is my book and nobody else’s. This is my story.
If I were just writing for myself and nobody else, what would CH4 be? And what would it have? Well, definitely the things that I wish I knew about how the universe and thought might work. Life lessons and changes for sure. And why not bring an edge of magic to it also?
I release the worry of those not resonating with my book laughing at it. Because I really see that. When I think of writing for me, I go -- that is selfish, not everybody is me. But what if everyone WAS me?
What if this book wasn’t to save the world but was just for that girl born in 1994, trying to navigate and be accepted in the world?
I guess in the end, I just need to write because I love it. And that is okay, and that is safe. I accept it. I love it. I’m ready for it.
“Chapter 4 worked out FINALLY! I love it so much and it’s perfect that the way that it is. It continues the prose of CH1-3 and builds the story beautifully into CH5. It feels so flowy and also grounded which is perfect. I’m ready to write the rest of this book now!” And so it is.
finally. i am free. now have this map part i was doing for whole of last month
more like last two weeks bc of how i procrastinated the shit out of it :')
also yes this is the same map as this post. ghfhgfdjh i hove their part so much go look if you haven't (which you statistically probably have)
anyways. *hypnotizes you into liking it*
Also woe! backgrounds under the cut! too much effort went into split second stuff so now you have to see it!
windows startup backround is... significantly lower-effort than other ones (: mostly bc it was made last and i got laizy, also bc i do not like painting nature
first one is now my profile top bc i like i so much
second was good to hide stuff in
and others are... there, i guess. my energy ran out for them unfortunately lol
picked miitopia back up cuz of the drawfee streams,,, heres some pictures + an extra video of ignignokt and err i think either talking shit about me or ignignokt outing me to err.
Nous devions réaliser une planche de BD sur le déroulement d’une journée. Il fallait qu’on comprenne que les heures passaient par la couleur. C’est pour cela que j’ai décidé de commencer par des couleurs chaudes pour ensuite finir par des tons froids pour le décor.