#idk if it was worth it... but it looks pretty aND it somehow fixed my sleep schedule (a little. but still)

[eurydicees]

Also, I just saw you’re 23, I am too! It’s rough out here. Another idea: any characters, what’s it like being 23? Where are they at this point? I feel like hq shows that as being sooo grown up but like I’m just a big teenager right?? Idk just rambling

being 23 is so rough sometimes lmfao. i've got friends from high school getting married and friends from college having early life crises. i'm working full time and living alone but tbh mostly feel like i'm playing at house rn more than i am living on my own. whatever. it's fine. early 20s is just a silly time of life. anyways i don't have a fic for u but i Do have a headcanon list.

in no particular order, haikyuu characters as stupid things i've done in my early twenties:

atsumu: having a brother who is a chef does not prevent him from forgetting to take the cheese packet out of the mac and cheese box and dumping that into boiling water with the pasta.

udai: does not remember the last time he ate a vegetable.

oikawa: friends all went to a party without him and his coping method was getting so so so wasted on white rum and falling asleep on the living room carpet immediately after giving another friend a tarot card reading saying their breakup is imminent (to be fair, it was. but it was still kinda rude).

iwaizumi: after class, was led to a private stairwell by a friend, jokes "haha are you taking me to a hidden location to kill me." and then received a love confession. proceeded to say "uh. i'll think about it." then did finger guns. and said "im just gonna. go" and then fucking. ran. like not exaggerating, ran.

kageyama: went on a date. did Not At All Know it was a date, despite the very very obvious flirting. yes this was the same person as in the previous bullet point. don't look at me like that.

akaashi: took a 100 level class senior year and did not pay attention to a single lecture. instead wrote thousands of words of fanfiction in the classroom every day.

atsumu (again): another cooking one. i just think he'd be a terrible cook. sorry. anyways. "it's been 20 min, why isn't this scallion pancake im pan frying cooking yet?" (<- did not turn on the stove burner.)

yachi: hm the light in this room doesn't work. guess i'll just learn to see in the dark instead of inconveniencing anyone by asking to fix it.

akaashi (again): completely fell in love at first sight, but fast forward five months and it actually somehow worked out? however the five months were filled with the most insufferable pining possible, which could have been resolved so so so easily. also started talking about marriage, like, six months in.

bokuto: got sad. went out into a raging snowstorm in socks and no jacket. laid down in the snow for a long time. somehow, miraculously, didn't get a cold afterwards?

akaashi and/or yachi: changed majors and career paths because a pretty upperclassman asked them to. (i am very happy in my chosen path but jesus christ THAT was why i did it?)

hinata: flew from coast to coast of the country, then drove halfway back to the midwest in the span of three days. started a new job on the fourth day. didn't sign a lease on an apartment until the fifth day.

semi: skipped a day of work to drive four hours there and four hours back for a fall out boy concert. totally worth it but driving at 4am after a concert wasn’t the smartest thing ever to be done.

kuroo: started reading homestuck in the year of our lord 2024. this is an attempt to remain in contact with long distance friendships (by doing a bookclub) but jesus fucking christ dude.

ok this is getting too long and i needed to be ready for work, like 15 min ago lol. maybe i'll write more of these later, but i hope you enjoy these and my silly disasters are a little comforting :)

[prostocupoftea]

finally. i am free. now have this map part i was doing for whole of last month

more like last two weeks bc of how i procrastinated the shit out of it :')

also yes this is the same map as this post. ghfhgfdjh i hove their part so much go look if you haven't (which you statistically probably have)

anyways. *hypnotizes you into liking it*

Also woe! backgrounds under the cut! too much effort went into split second stuff so now you have to see it!

windows startup backround is... significantly lower-effort than other ones (: mostly bc it was made last and i got laizy, also bc i do not like painting nature

first one is now my profile top bc i like i so much

second was good to hide stuff in

and others are... there, i guess. my energy ran out for them unfortunately lol

[apostaterevolutionary]

So. Veilguard impressions so far (I’m about 13.5 hours in). Most of these are mechanical as I don’t feel like I’ve gotten enough time with the companions/story to have many opinions on it, but I feel like I at least have some opinions worth noting lmao (mostly no spoilers but like. Maybe a little so read at your own discretion)

Things I like:

I’m honestly still shocked my computer can actually run it and overall very well too

Character creator is super detailed, I love that

I keep falling off of ledges lmfao so I’m glad there’s no penalty for that

You can pet all the cats and dogs!!!!!

Also love that there’s no carry weight to contend with but I still get to pick up a ton of random items. It satisfies by urge to pick up anything that isn’t nailed down. This is great, especially after bg3 sksks (which I also enjoy as a game but pls why does gold have weight 😭)

So far I like the new companions a lot and I do enjoy these early game little almost… domestic? Or just small scale? Quests you have with them? Idk I dig it. I wasn’t sure about the ‘bond’ thing at first but on further reflection I like that you can gain approval-equivalent just by bringing them along. Makes things easier

I don’t dislike the vibes tbh like I’ve seen people say ‘oh it’s too happy and positive’ and like. Okay yeah 2 of the 3 companions you recruit early on are very bubbly but we also got blight horror all over the place so idk, maybe this is a complaint I’ll understand later but right now I don’t agree with it

Oh and I love the lantern system for when companions have dialogue - it’s a clever way of signifying when they’re all in different buildings

Things I don’t like:

I kinda get what people are saying about the handholding. Why do I need a little tip to tell me ‘[companion] has noted that you told them [thing you just said]’ 😭

Also while the new companions are fun, I do think Harding got hit pretty hard with ‘previous game lore dump’ duty cause damn. Admittedly I don’t remember her personality in inquisition super well but a lot of her dialogue just feels. Off in that way. I get it was necessary to do it somehow but. Oof. I feel bad for her cause it makes me less interested in her 😔

This is minor but I don’t like how when you load a save, it’s not actually where you saved. It’s at the last fast travel point. So it’s like. I found this hard-to-find spot last night. Saved. Planned to continue the quest the next day. Except! I have to find the spot again! And I forgot where it was! Why!!! This is absolutely a remnant of when it was a live service game but woof, why keep that in

Also bringing back the 100 save limit - actual worst feature of inquisition, why the hell would they keep it 💀 if anyone knows a mod to fix this, pls let me know, I need to have like 800 saves per run or I’ll die okay

And this is the big one tbh. I’m sorry but I really don’t like the combat 😶 like. Every boss fight is just the arishok fight except with help. Getting Lucanis has given some improvement cause now there’s at least another melee target on the field but at this point, I’m looking for a stealth option on that giant skill tree (why is it so big! I have no idea what I’m doing with it!!!) so I can go full skyrim (stealth archer) lmao. I’m hoping when I actually get to recruit a warrior (why is this the last class you get, that feels backwards), it’ll get more playable cause I’ll actually have a tank. Right now I just cannot understand why everyone says this is fun, I have had pretty much no fun in any of the fights (I’m becoming the person I was poking fun at before when I said it’s weird to play games if you don’t like half of it skskdk. Also ngl I would not be powering through if this were not a game I already had a vested interest in). Also how did anyone play a mage and make it through the first 10 hours, like I have NO idea. I’m very glad I didn’t, it’s hard enough with a rogue

Neutral observations/thoughts:

I’ve decided to play rook as like. A discount version of hawke? Cause I feel like that’s the kind of person varric would seek out, like a spark of the familiar is what drew Varric to them. And that’s adding a bit of fun headcanon flavour

(Also I have some suspicions that things are not as they seem with Varric but. We’ll see on that I suppose)

Also it’s funny cause I’ve always been a Solas neutral person (like him well enough but never understood why he was such a big deal to either the lovers or the haters). But I do find him more annoying here lmao. Maybe cause I’m rping too hard and Rook finds him annoying but I just think it’s funny

Also genuinely could not imagine this being someone’s first DA game sksks they are going to have no idea what’s going on lore-wise

[gnreadergames]

Weird Science

Egon Spengler x Named FTM!Male Oc

Content warnings: Some sexual tension leading into non-graphic sexual content, mostly sickeningly sweet shit, Egon’s a lil crazy, Alex likes em cooky, doctor kink?? Is that a thing? Idk, either way a PHD title is used in a way no one should use a PHD title. Unless they are freaks like me :3

A/N: Crawling out of my hole I’ve been in for *checks watch* like almost a year to bring you this. I have no excuses guys I just rewatched my favorite movie and wanted to fuck the science man again. Super self indulgent, also for my trans readers because I’ve noticed a lot of yall thirsting after this man are trans. Congratulations my niche little subjects, here’s some food.

Word count: 13,971. - Yes you read that right. I just really wanted to write some gooey porn about the science man okay?

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

Egon Spengler sat alone in the firehouse, surrounded by the various specimen he had collected from a bust and the various machines created to catch and contain ghosts. He had just finished running diagnostics on the Proton Packs, fixing a bug that Peter had showed him on his, and was in the process of cataloging and tagging some new samples he had collected on their last bust of a succubus in a hotel.

Alex was quiet about accessing the stairs. The door to the bottom always squeaked but he made sure to pull it open extra slowly this time, and somehow successfully managed to make it all the way up to the top of the 2nd floor completely silently. Egon was perched at the main table in the kitchen up top. Its circular surface was covered with bagged petri-dishes, spore samples, and various robotic gadgets he guessed were for ghost hunting. He deftly approached from behind.

Egon’s head was down, nose intently tucked into whatever journal he was writing in now as Alex tiptoed up behind him and every so suddenly crouched down beside him to ear level and said, in a level inside voice, ‘Whatcha’ up to Spengs’?”.

Egon startled. It was Alex. It was rare for anyone to just come up behind him at the firehouse, but given recent events, he wasn't really surprised. He put down his pen, looking to get a better look at Alex.

"Hm? Oh, just going over the findings from our last bust. And the latest samples. It's all pretty...standard stuff, really. Nothing worth getting excited about."

“Yeah? Thought molds spores and fungi were your type of fun, guy-“ Alex laughed a little at his own joke, hand brushing the back of the chair and inadvertently brushing ever so briefly against Egon’s bare neck. Alex blushed slightly and hoped Egon was too focused to have noticed as he took a seat next to him.

Egon glanced up from his notes. Despite Alex making his presence very obvious, Egon had been so engrossed in his work that he barely noticed. Now, he was caught, and clearly flustered.

"Right. It's not that this sort of stuff isn't interesting. It's just..." He paused, trying to come up with the right words. "It's less exciting than seeing ghosts, you know? There's much less danger to it."

Alex cocked his head, curious. ”So is that why you do it?” He asked.

He thought for a moment, considering how to answer this question.

"In a sense, I suppose. There is always the hope that when I'm out investigating, I might encounter something truly new. Something unexpected and unpredictable. Something that could turn the whole study of ghosts on its head. And believe me, it's been a long time since we've had a true breakthrough in ghost related research."

“Is it the danger or is it the superiority? The control?” Alex blurted out without really thinking. When he realized what he said and how odd of a question it was “I just mean…” he stammered, “Do you think you like the danger, or do you like being in control? Do you like feeling powerful over the ghosts? Do you like the chase and the win? Kinda like a game…” Alex mumbled off, blushing. He felt like he only further incriminated himself into his line of thinking.

Egon laughed quietly. Clearly he wasn't offended by the question, even if it was a rather strange one. He was also more than a little intrigued.

"There is certainly an element of control, I must admit. I do like to think that I know what I'm doing out there." He paused, still smiling. "But at the same time, I'm also just as much at the mercy of the ghosts. There's always a certain...risk that I think I enjoy."

“Hm. You work in interesting ways ‘Spengs…” Alex hummed thoughtfully. His posture became a little more relaxed as he rested forward, chin on his elbow watching Egon tag samples and hum along to a janky radio he had sitting on an adjacent counter of the kitchen.

"Doctor Spengler, if you don't mind," Egon corrected, his tone only half-joking.

He glanced back down at his notes, making a few more small adjustments before finally setting the pen down.

"So you just...came over here to bother me while I work?"

“Mostly. It is my favorite pastime as you know.” Alex smirked, almost cat-like. Egon rolled his eyes, he knew the gentle teasing Alex put him through.

“Also, Doctor Spengler? What am I, one of your patients? Or do you just get a kick out of making people call you that?” Alex teased again, this time dropping his voice a little in a lusty tone that made him laugh trying to get it out in one piece.

Egon smirked, rolling his eyes in return. Alex's teasing was one of the things he actually did kind of enjoy.

”The latter, if I'm being perfectly honest. Not that I'll ever admit it."

He crossed his arms, leaning back in his chair.

"But you have to admit, Doctor is a much nicer title than Mr. Or even Professor. That title's always been a little too pretentious for its own good," he continued to banter.

I like Mr. in…” Alex paused, looking pensively upwards, “certain contexts. Like if you were to get married. Mr. And Mrs. Or er, Mr. And Mr…” Alex said casually. He hadn’t formally come out to Egon but he knew Venkman’s little vermin hands had background checked him enough to know his dating preferences already and his gender. And to be fully honest, he liked Egon more than anybody else here, even if he’d only admit it under extreme duress, or maybe too much alcohol.

So he deserved to know.

Or maybe Alex was a little desperate to share practically anything about himself in hopes of getting closer to the other man.

Egon's eyebrow raised slightly, hearing this. Alex hadn't come out to him directly, but this felt pretty obvious. It wasn't an issue to Egon anyway, but he was curious to know now.

"Alex...are you telling me you're interested in...men?"

He cleared his throat, his tone a bit nervous. He wasn't sure how to react.

“Oh-“ Alex hadn’t expected Egon to ask him so directly. But then again, he never was one for taking hints. “Yeah, I am.”

His face was redder than usual and it was obvious Egon’s bluntness had caught him slightly off guard and flustered him.

“I hope that isn’t a problem with you. I really like…spending time with you Egon.” Alex said. He wanted to leave it vague, for now at least. He didn’t even know if Egon was into men, let alone if Egon considered him a friend let alone a potential romantic interest. He didn’t want to jump the guns too fast here.

Egon looked at him, taking a moment to collect his thoughts.

"Alex...I have no problem with it. I'm very happy to spend time with you as well. I just...wasn't expecting you to say that."

For a moment, he seemed like he was going to say something more. But he held back, thinking better of it, clearly not sure what to actually say right now.

"Just didn't have you pegged as one who...preferred men's company."

“Oh really?” Alex laughed, he could lighten the mood up a bit hopefully. “What did you have me pegged for then, ‘Spengs?” he asked, leaning forward on his elbows curiously.

Egon laughed quietly as well.

"Well, you seem like you'd have an eye for the ladies." He grinned, still in an obviously good-natured way. "If you're into guys, then you're not exactly...what I would call 'typically gay' looking."

“Well…thanks?” Alex laughed. “I’m into women too, so I guess I would be in the middle of whatever spectrum you’re thinking of.”

He crumpled up a loose straw wrapper from Egon’s ginger ale and started to flick it back and forth between his fingers, nervously.

Egon nodded. He didn't seem all that surprised by this; if anything he had always got the sense that Alex was at least a little bit bi-curious, given some of the conversations they'd had.

"Right. The ol' 'bisexual' thing." He joked.

Suddenly he looked at Alex again, with an expression of sudden realization.

"Wait. Wait a minute. Are you...are you saying..."

His eyes widened slightly.

“What? Not so blunt now Egon?” Alex questioned.

“Are you...hitting on me?”

Egon looked at him, and this time his tone seemed to be one of genuine curiosity, mixed with amusement.

“Who said anything about hitting on you? Just thought you should know.” Alex was very clearly red around the apples of his cheeks and ears. He was at least embarrassed, if not caught.

Egon felt something warm and vulnerable flutter underneath one of his ribs. He swallowed.

Alex was stubborn and obviously determined not to be caught this fast in this little game they had been playing, the roughly 3 weeks of back and forth bantering, the casual drink after work when everyone else had already left, and of course, decidedly ignoring whatever happened after the attack on New York when he saw Egon exit the building safely, if not covered in goo.

Even though he, and he’s pretty sure Egon too, both remember it, neither of them have brought it up in a serious manner.

Egon laughed quietly, shaking his head. He was surprised sure, but he certainly wasn't upset. If anything, the opposite.

They were alone together, no one to hear or see anything. No one to interrupt them. Egon took a deep breath.

"Okay. I'll be honest," he said, looking Alex directly in the eye. "If you were trying to get me to figure out you're interested in me, then that definitely did the trick."

Alex smiled. It was different from his usually sly cat-like grin. This time, it was a softer, less slick looking smile with some genuine warmth behind it.

“And why would somebody as astute as the doctor Egon Spengler care about such a thing?” Alex asked, feigning being coy.

Egon had to laugh at that, shaking his head. Alex was a lot of things, but one thing he most certainly was not was subtle.

"I care because..." he paused, his smile becoming a bit broader. Despite their teasing back and forth, he was suddenly being completely genuine.

"Actually, this is probably pretty obvious, but..." He let the rest go unsaid for a moment. He didn't know what he wanted to come next. If he actually wanted to stay casual, or if he wanted more.

Alex swallowed audibly with how quiet the room had gotten suddenly.

“Egon….do you….like me?” Alex asked softly. He felt like he was dreaming, like he would wake up at any moment and this would all have been some fevered imagination of a sickly brain, a brain obsessed with this gorgeous brainiac.

Egon's face was a shade of pink now...a very noticeable pink. He shifted in his seat, clearly a bit flustered.

"I..." he said quietly. "...yes." He raised his hands up slightly, as if trying to steady himself.

"I mean...if you're okay with what that means and all that...is it...alright if I'm honest with you?"

“Please” Alex begged, voice wavering. He wanted this so much he didn’t know how to ask with words. He had practiced this scenario a thousand times over in his head as he tried to fall asleep night after night and still, he didn’t know how to respond to this. “Be honest.”

Egon swallowed, trying to gather his thoughts and his breath.

"Okay...well...I...I don't think I could have made it through the last few months without you." His words came out in spurts, each sentence broken up by pauses as he lost himself in his thoughts.

"There's always been something about you. Something I've found...really irresistible. Your mind, your energy...your...your...ahem...your...um...your...looks" He smirked softly as he finished that last sentence.

Alex flushed bright red.

Up until 10 minutes ago he had doubts the doctor even had the capabilities to be attracted to anybody, much less a man, and to hear that he had potentially been being discreetly checked out around the office made a slight sweat break out under his collared shirt and tie.

Not that he hadn’t been doing the same thing to Egon a few times when he worked… who can blame him? He flushed even harder thinking about one specific time and broke eye contact, embarrassed.

Egon couldn't help but chuckle at this. He could tell that he'd caught a very sensitive nerve. A grin spread across his face as he shook his head, still laughing a bit.

"God you're cute when you get like this," Egon said, almost teasingly.

His tone became more serious again, as he leaned forward a bit closer towards Alex.

"Can I ask you something?"

“Y-“ Alex had to swallow, mouth suddenly becoming dry as Egon leaned ever closer. “Yeah.” His eyes couldn’t look anywhere by Egon now, and he was sure his face was visibly red by now if it wasn’t before.

Egon took a deep breath, steeling himself for what he was about to say.

"Before, you said you hadn't formally told me...about...your preferences. Was there a specific reason for this? Because I'd like to know if..."

He stopped there, looking into Alex's warm brown eyes. He took another deep breath.

"Was it because you weren't sure about my preferences?"

Alex caught a nervous laugh. He didn’t want Egon to think he was laughing at him, he was just so relieved they might possibly be on the same page and that this wasn’t another time Alex would be head over heels for another guy that would leave him the first chance he got a hotter woman to look at him.

“Yeah…I was just… curious is all.” Alex looked down at the floor, nervous and a bit embarrassed to be that easy to read. “Took you long enough…I think the others were starting to think I was just weird.”

Egon smirked, letting out an amused sigh.

"Well, they're not necessarily...wrong about that." He said, teasingly as always. But it was clear that he didn't mean it in an offensive way.

When Alex said he was curious, Egon understood. He had always wondered why Alex had never talked much about personal subjects like that. He was starting to see why now.

"Right. Well, I think it's my turn to be honest, yeah?"

“I think it is, doctor.” Alex teased back. Now that he knew Egon liked using that little word he was going to be sure to make it difficult. Especially if this conversation was going the way he thought it was.

Egon grinned, playing along for now.

"Okay. My turn to be honest, then."

He looked at Alex, his expression more serious again.

"I'm still confused on one thing, though. Can I ask you a personal question?"

”Go ahead” Alex said. He supposed he could be honest about it all now since he’d been pretty much found out.

Egon breathed. "Alright. I can't help but notice that after every time we have a bust, something happens between us...how do I say this? More than before. Have you ever...noticed that too?”

Egon paused to take a deep breath, still holding his eye contact. This was the moment of truth. He'd known that for some time now, the two of them were beginning to develop feelings for each other. But he'd held back, not wanting to push it too fast. But now he couldn't hold back anymore. He needed to know if Alex had noticed too.

”I’ve…” Alex had to choose his words carefully. “I’ve noticed it too. When I started working here last year…” Alex shifted nervously and then suddenly became more serious, sitting up and placing his hands on the table. “When I started working here last year I didn’t think much about it. It was supposed to just be a stepping stone to bigger things, being the Ghostbusters official PR manager is nothing to sneeze at and I thought if I just hung out here long enough I could get a job somewhere on Wall Street, bigger things, better pay…” Alex swallowed. “But then I started to like hanging out with you guys. And then we became friends, and suddenly it became a lot harder to see it as just a job. And then after…well to be honest right before the New York attack, that night you walked me home after we were the last two here, I think I sort of thought about you differently than the rest of them.”

Alex didn’t know how to explain it, it was difficult putting it into words. “I think I realized I cared about you more. In a different way I mean. Sure I’m friends with Venkmen and Stanz and Zeddemore, but I didn’t see you like I saw them. I wanted to get to know you more, I knew it when I said goodnight to you and it was snowing on my doorstep. And you smiled at me. I think I knew then. And then of course right after that big attack happened and I thought for sure you were dead, we had no clue how anything was going to play out and I just remembered feeling like I could die of happiness seeing you walk out of that building, and…I guess before I knew it I was already moving to you. I don’t really know why I hugged you, I was just…glad you were okay. I was glad I hadn’t missed my chance with you, I guess. I hadn’t realized how special you were to me.”

Egon's eyes were locked on Alex's every breath, every word. It was like he was seeing him in an entirely different light right now. They'd flirted and teased back and forth before, but everything here sounded so much more genuine and sincere. Like they weren't even playing a game anymore, they were being very real with each other. It was a beautiful thing.

Egon swallowed, his heart pounding inside his chest. He felt like...like this was it.

"Can I be honest with you about something, too?"

“Anything.” Alex breathed. He felt like he was going to explode admitting all of that.

Egon swallowed, his heart pounding even faster. Just like Alex he was ready to explode. But he had to get this off his chest. Now that they'd started, he couldn't think of a reason to stop.

"I've never...I've never felt the way about anyone before the way that I feel about you. I didn't even realize it at first but I've been..." He couldn't believe he was saying all this. "...I've been thinking about you a lot. Too damn much of the time, actually."

Alex smiled, giddy and carefree. He felt a little dizzy with nerves.

“Really?” He breathed, excitedly. “I’m so glad. I can’t stop thinking about you, I felt like I was going crazy. I think even Venkman picked up on it this past month when you went on that blind date Stanz set you up on.”

Egon chuckled, a wide grin on his face.

"Yeah...can't say it was a successful date."

He thought back to the disaster of a date he'd been set up with a few weeks ago. It was pretty damn clear to even Venkman. So maybe they were a little more transparent than they should have been with their feelings of late towards their friend’s attempts to set them up with other people.

"I feel stupid for letting it take this long to acknowledge any of this."

“Maybe we’re both stupid.” Alex thought, dumbly. But he couldn’t let anything dampen his mood right now. He felt like he was floating, almost drunk with happiness.

“So Mr. Scientist,” he said, balancing his chin on his hand and reaching an index finger to fiddle around with the lid of an empty Petri dish in front of him, “tell me about what you think about me. What’s been on that big brain of yours?” He purred.

Egon felt his heart skip a beat when Alex started flirting with him. He wasn't used to it, but he really liked it. What he liked even more was the idea that someone as brilliant and attractive as Alex thought this way about him.

Egon chuckled, his lips curling up into a smirk. "You want me to be honest about what I think about you?"

“Honesty is the best policy” Alex nodded, intrigued.

"Yeah...yeah it definitely is." Egon leaned forward, his gaze even more intense than before.

"I think you're absolutely brilliant. Not just in terms of your science...but your mind itself. That sharp, witty mind of yours is such a...turn on." His smirk became a bit more mischievous as he spoke. "I love it when you try to outwit a person in conversation, when you get all riled up and competitive.... I love even more that I've never seen you lose."

“You have such a way with your stupid words.” Alex giggled. He was sure he was making a fool of himself but he couldn’t believe somebody like the Egon Spengler found him attractive. He could count on one hand the times he’d been this lucky in his entire life.

“You really know how to flatter a guy,” Alex admitted, tracing the rim of the Petri dish with the same finger absentmindedly.

Egon smiled, chuckling at that, but not denying the accuracy.

"I wasn't kidding when I said your mind turns me on."

He leaned in even closer, his gaze burning into Alex's. He looked at the way Alex was tracing the rim of his empty petri dish and had an idea.

"I have a suggestion..."

“Shoot.” Alex said, sharpening the ‘T’ sound, almost bitingly.

Egon swallowed, almost nervous looking. But he thought this would be the perfect way to test the waters, to see just how interested Alex really was before he took it a step further.

"Close your eyes..."

“Okay.” Alex said, cautiously but trusting. He knew Egon wouldn’t hurt him and if anything, not knowing what was coming next and being completely at the will of the other man kind of made him feel safe. It was nice. It made his heart race a little.

He shut his eyes gently, waiting.

Egon smirked, enjoying the game he was playing. He stood up, and slowly started moving behind Alex, his movements very subtle and patient. When he got behind him, he took the same index finger that Alex had been tracing the edge of the Petri dish with and ran it softly, delicately over the back of Alex's neck, sliding it into his hair and slowly running it through.

Alex shivered at the touch.

Christ.

Okay.

He hadn’t been expecting this. Egon wasn’t a touchy person, not even in the throes of victory, so this was new, and honestly thrilling for Alex.

“Egon…” Alex practically purred, keening towards the touch. He liked it. He liked it a lot.

Egon smiled, pleased with the way Alex reacted to it. He decided to go a step further, and slowly, still using only his one index finger, started stroking Alex's hair down his neck, and eventually down his shoulders as he continued to trace a line down Alex's back.

Alex shivered and twitched with every vertebrae that Egon ran his finger past.

“This another one of your experiments, doctor?” Alex teased with a voice lower and slower than normal, but this time the air was thicker with something unspoken and unseen. But it could be very, very felt. Distantly, Alex was glad everyone else had taken this Saturday off.

Egon smirked. He loved that he was making Alex squirm, that he was clearly enjoying this so much. Alex's lower and slower voice made his chest tremble with a mix of emotion. A mix of excitement and fear. He was enjoying this, this flirtatious back and forth, but now he was feeling more daring…

"No experiment...this is something...much more personal."

“And what exactly are you testing here?” Alex asked. He still hadn’t opened his eyes yet, but now he thought he couldn’t bear not being able to see Egon for a second longer. He opened his eyes, and titled his head slightly back and was met with an angled view of his affections.

His heart skipped a beat. He wasn’t expecting Egon to look anything less than well…perfect. But this was new. Egon’s once soft brown eyes looked almost black with how dilated his pupils were, and his olive completion was a richer red tone around his face and ears. He may be more cognitively in control of the situation, but it was good to see that he was just as affected by Alex as he was by Egon.

Egon smirked and stepped even closer, their mouths finally just inches away from one another. He watched as the corners of Alex's lips quivered ever so slightly, and he couldn't help but feel a wave of joy sweep over him.

"My test..." Egon's voice was lower, and more seductive than ever. "...is to see exactly how far I can push it before you can't take it anymore."

As he spoke, he leaned just a tiny bit closer. Their lips were almost touching…

“Egon,” Alex’s voice was barely a whisper but it somehow only came out as a strung out whimper. He titled his head back ever so slightly more and he felt Egon’s breath hot on his lips.

Alex would beg for mercy if he had to. He just wanted Egon. He was so happy he could cry. His entire body felt like it was vibrating with how wired and nervous he was.

Egon knew at this point he couldn't hold back anymore. It was obvious he was just as nervous as Alex was. And in this intense moment, he needed to let him know that. His hands fell to Alex's shoulders and he pulled him even closer, so their chests were pressing sharply up against one another.

Egon's voice was lower than the lowest, as he began to whisper right back.

"God do you know how badly I want you, right now? What I would do to you if I could right this second?"

Alex’s head spun. Who was this? His Egon was quiet and professional, but he couldn’t deny that he hadn’t thought of this side of Egon, better said, dreamed of Egon having a side like this. He knew Egon was a man of control, and rules, but he also knew Egon, like every man, had buttons.

And buttons, could be pressed.

“We’re alone for the day.” Alex reminded. Egon was so close their foreheads were pressed together. Eyes locked.

Egon froze at that, the only sound in the room was their heavy breathing. He felt Alex's body pressed up against him, his heart pounding in his ears. His lips were mere centimeters apart, now. And he was suddenly hit with a wave of...nerve? Fear? Excitement?

Finally, Egon's mind won the war within.

"God damn it, it's taking every ounce of self control I have right now not to just start ripping you apart with my teeth..." he said, eyes darker than before.

Oh.

A little crazy.

Alex could work with a little crazy.

“Please-” let it never be said that Alex was above begging, because he wasn’t. Especially not for Egon. He would beg for Egon to call him worthless and pathetic. He would beg for Egon to spit on him. Egon being nice to him? Practically as strong as cocaine straight to the brain.

Alex leaned forward and clumsily brushed his lips against Egon’s for a mere second before pulling back, mouth slightly open, eyes lidded. He wanted Egon to want this as much as him. He wanted Egon to want him.

Egon stared into Alex's eyes, his heart racing a thousand miles a minute. Just seeing Alex's lips meet his, even for just one brief contact, sent a jolt of pure euphoria through his entire body. He'd never realized just how much he'd wanted this...how much he'd wanted Alex, until this very moment.

Finally, he did it. Before he had a chance to second guess his actions, Egon let his instincts take over. He leaned forward and pulled Alex back into him with one firm and quick motion. He then proceeded to take over this kiss…

Alex gasped into the kiss. He wasn’t expecting Egon to be this rough, but he guessed there was a certain aspect of desperation on both of their ends. Egon felt like he was devouring him. Alex’s knees felt like they were going to buckle, and he was lowering slowly, slowly, with pathetic little noises as Egon kissed the breath out of him.

He broke for a second, as Egon leaned over him, pushing his back into the chair, legs straddling it weakly. “Eg-“ he gasped as Egon went in for another kiss, just as hungry as the last. Alex broke away again, more determinedly “I’ve wanted this for so long. So, so, long…” his legs still weak, he leaned into Egon’s chest and arms, holding him.

Egon was in almost as much of a stupor as Alex, that little bit he'd tasted of him before had sent his heart soaring to new heights. His whole body felt alive, every single nerve. He couldn't believe how much he had wanted this, how badly he'd want to take it even further. But right now, was just the two of them, alone, the downstairs door locked.

As Alex spoke, Egon squeezed him harder by instinct alone. It was only making him yearn for much, much more…

“How long?” Alex asked between kisses. His right knee gave out and he felt Egon pull away. He made a weak noise of protest as Egon’s body pulled from his, until he realized he was being pulled with it and spun around. Suddenly, he found himself being picked up by the hips and sat gingerly and quickly onto the edge of the table, legs straddled and Egon standing in between. He kissed Alex again, tongue slipping into his mouth. He obviously didn’t seem content with the position though, too far, as he broke apart again soon after to grab Alex’s hips and yank him toward Egon’s standing ones, legs locking behind his back.

“Since when?” Alex asked again. “When did you know?” He felt drunk as Egon moved to kiss his jawline.

Egon smirked when he realized what Alex was actually asking him. To have someone this sharp, this witty being so...weak in your hands was an incredibly intoxicating experience. But the time to pick was over, now was all about play.

"God I don't know...it's been a while." Egon moved back in to capture Alex's mouth once again, holding onto his hips for dear life. "Since I started to want to see the sides of you that weren't professional, that weren't strictly business...I wanted to see exactly how human you could be."

“I’ve wanted you since that day in January. The one where we had the poltergeist in the-ah!” Alex winced as Egon moved to his neck and bit at a sensitive spot just under his ear, soft tender flesh. “S-since, that day- when- when you came back to the lab in your- your lab clothes all-” Alex’s left hand, the stronger of the two, came up to grasp at the dress shirt stretched over Egon’s back, “and th-they were all singed and dusty, and you were covered in- mmhp- sweat, and you didn’t even look at me when you-you” Egon kissed Alex to shut him up briefly, and for a moment there was nothing but the noise of soft, labored breathing and the creaking of the wooden table as they pressed against one another, but eventually Egon let him go in favor of biting at his neck again. “You- you didn’t even look at me, just rolled, rolled up your sleeves and went to work in your lab. All serious, brow furrowed, covered in grime but still wanting to get data while- ah- it’s fresh-“ Alex smiled remembering it. He still felt fuzzy and the memory was still fresh. “You’re incredibly toned for a scientist did- did you know that?” Alex asked in a breathy voice. “You have a great- great body.”

Egon huffed a laugh against his neck.

Egon couldn't help but feel his ego inflate and his cheek turn red from Alex's compliment. He'd never considered just how toned his body was, especially with his lack of exercise and all his nerdy, intellectual pursuits. As Alex rambled on, Egon couldn't help but get more turned on.

He smirked as he bit down on Alex's neck again and felt his lips twitch against it, as if Alex was moaning.

"I think you might be the first person in a while who's actually taken the time to notice..."

“How could I not?” Alex asked. Egon had momentarily paused his nipping and chewing to lift his head and look up at Alex. His big, dark eyes were even darker than usual and it was hard to see where his pupil and iris even separated.

He looked, almost animal with it.

Alex had never seen a not very methodically, almost scientifically, controlled side of Egon. This made some part of Alex’s hindbrain flicker with a warmth he had only felt on lonely nights he spent fantasizing with his own hand and brain.

Egon smirked and tilted his head up as he looked at Alex's face, that perfect, beautiful, wonderful face that had eluded him and teased him for so long. He just couldn't get enough. Every part of his body was tingling with pleasure and desire. He wanted nothing more than to take Alex right here and right now.

"You look beautiful." Egon said it sincerely, truly believing every word of it. But then he leaned up and whispered, his voice a mischievous and enticing husk. "I'm going to make you even more beautiful..."

Alex complied limply. Whatever Egon wanted. Alex felt himself slipping quietly under into that mindset he loved so much. He didn’t need control. He trusted Egon. Whatever he wanted. He knew best. He wanted to make him proud. He wanted to do whatever would make Egon happy.

Alex reached his neck desperately towards Egon and caught one last desperate kiss with a small sound before he finally gave in and let Egon do whatever he wished.

As he watched Alex willingly yield to him, Egon couldn't help but smirk. The look on his face was just as he pictured: submissive, trusting, almost worshiping. He couldn't wait to push the limits of this power and see just how desperate his new lab assistant and lover was.

So Egon did just that, pushing Alex's shirt up and kissing his collarbone, slowly making his way up to his neck again. He bit and nibbled at his collar bone, all while rubbing his hands along Alex's back and hips.

“Ah!” Alex gasped. He was particularly sensitive on his hips, and once Egon knew, he used it devilishly. His thumb ran a steady back and forth rhythm over a ridge in his V-line, making Alex shiver. Another hand curled possessively over Alex’s back and made him preen with a particularly fiery feeling in his chest. Alex continued making weak and steady noises as Egon worked over his collarbone, biting and kissing everywhere he could reach, hands moving to grasp the skin he couldn’t cover with his mouth.

The power and the control that he was asserting over Alex was making Egon feel like he was in some kind of haze, like he was just floating around in a sea of bliss, a euphoric dream that he didn't want to ever end.

The way Alex reacted to his touch made his own heart skip a beat, hearing him make those soft little sounds as he nibbled just so slightly harder on his neck and collarbone. It was pushing all his buttons, making him want so much more…

“Please-” Alex begged, not entirely sure what exactly he was begging for. Whatever Egon would give him. Whatever Egon thought he deserved. Alex’s hands, at one point limp around Egon’s waist, now were clenched tightly into his shirt and his hair, respectively, as Alex’s body curled into Egon’s.

Egon shivered again as he heard Alex beg him, heard him pleading for more.

This was exactly what he had been dreaming of. A completely submissive Alex, one who would let Egon take control completely, one who would gladly turn over every inch of his body to Egon for...for whatever Egon wanted.

It was such a turn on that Egon couldn't even form whole sentences, his thoughts were getting the best of him and his body was ready to take...no, to take control.

“Whatever you want.” Alex wanted more. Whatever Egon would give him. He laid flat on the table as Egon pulled away and surveyed him quickly, eyes flitting across his body as a whole, flushed, shirt pushed up, hands clutching feverishly at the flat table finding nothing to grab on to.

Egon smirked, loving the look of desperation on Alex's face, knowing that he was completely and utterly at his mercy now. And as Egon looked over him, his eyes trailing up and down his body, it was like Alex's features became bolder, brighter, more handsome. He looked like a perfect specimen to him, to the point where Egon almost couldn't take his eyes off of him.

"I'm going to make your day today..."

“What are you going to do?” Alex asked, although he really didn’t need to know. He was okay with whatever. As long as Egon was happy with him, he’d do it.

Egon brushed a hand along the side of Alex’s stomach and Alex made a little hurt, punched out noise from his gut and curled into the touch, but it was gone almost as fast as it appeared.

"Just...just close your eyes for me and stay still for a minute." Egon's voice was heavy, and slightly out of breath. He was almost desperate himself, he needed this just as much as Alex, and he was willing to do whatever it took to make Alex want him and love him for the rest of his life.

Alex could almost physically feel Egon's desire in the air, his need for more, seeping off from him as it grew with every passing second. Egon's body was trembling, his breath quick and shallow.

”Okay…” Alex swallowed for the first time in a while, finding his mouth dry but his lips slick with spit. He felt slightly debauched, but he preened at the knowledge that it was Egon who made him this way. Only for Egon.

He sat patiently and waited for whatever Egon had next.

Egon watched as Alex closed his eyes, watching him with baited breath and a deep seated hunger his lips were practically quivering with desire. And as he watched, the hunger inside him only grew more intense.

Quickly, his hands traced along the top of Alex's body, down his sides, all the way down to his thighs, caressing and teasing his body, making sure there wasn't a single inch missed.

Alex whimpered. He felt crazed. Egon’s hands felt so large and warm, almost feverish. Everywhere he touched felt like it was melting. Alex was practically drunk off the feeling as he squirmed with every new press into tender flesh that Egon figured out could make him writhe.

Just the sound of Alex's squirms was enough for Egon to get worked up even more, each touch and each squeeze of his body had him trembling with desire, his body quivering with excitement, ready to explode out in a fit of sheer pleasure.

Egon's hands moved faster, his touches more firm. He was determined to tease every last ounce of sound out of him that he could.

“Please, enough teasing!” Alex begged. He was almost crying now. His heart has been racing this entire time. He still had one more secret to tell Egon and the longer the foreplay went on, the more nervous he got about telling him.

Hearing that voice break out in tears in response to his touches only sparked more hunger in Egon's chest, but when he heard the pleading come from Alex's mouth, that was enough to cause the last pieces of resistance to crumble. He had to. No more teasing, no more playing, this was the real deal. He needed him now.

"All right, yes, I will, just...just let me-" Egon said, but his words were cut short by his own mouth coming down hard against Alex's.

Alex moaned loudly. Perhaps the loudest one yet as Egon’s hands grabbed his hips and seared him against his pelvis firm. He could feel…a certain hardness against his leg as Egon’s tongue explored his mouth and practically stole his oxygen away.

Egon groaned into the kiss, the sound rumbling up from deep in his chest. He couldn't hold himself back much longer now, the only thing on his mind was getting more. More of this perfect body, more of the sound of his pleas and whimpers.

Egon's hand moved downwards, squeezing firmly and squeezing Alex tighter against him. It was all he could do to keep himself from pushing him down and taking what he wanted right then and there.

As Egon’s hand moved downward, Alex’s hand suddenly shot out and grabbed his wrist in a moment of blind panic and clarity. It shocked Alex as much as it did Egon and for a moment they both simply stared at one another, panting, flushed.

“Egon…Eg-I’m…” Alex started, trying to word something but seemingly choking on it. “I need to tell you something before…before we do anything else.” Alex’s heart was in his throat. He thought he wouldn’t even get past the admission of him being bisexual, he didn’t know how to breech this. “Egon…I’m transgender.” Alex swallowed, throat tight with want as much as it was with fear.

Egon froze, hand still in mid air when he heard the words coming out of Alex's mouth. His breathing stopped, his heart beating out of his chest, it was a miracle that he didn't fall off of the table he was sitting on. Egon just stared, his mind whirring a million miles a second, trying to process what Alex had just told him.

All movement stopped.

God.

God.

He’d ruined it.

Ruined it.

Alex’s face burned with embarrassment. He knew Egon wouldn’t want him after this. He just thought…he doesn’t know what he thought…that in some miracle Egon would accept him?

His face burns with more than embarrassment, with shame.

He gets ready for Egon to push off and potentially even hit him. For baiting him. For being…a freak.

"Say that again."

It wasn't the reply Alex expected. It wasn't words that expressed disgust or anger or shame, but something deeper- something that spoke volumes to the depth of his emotions for him. Egon was breathless, his mind a million miles a second, but the intensity of the words in his throat were only getting stronger. He needed to hear it one more time to make sure he wasn't just hearing things.

Alex swallowed.

“I’m…I’m transgender.” He said, voice barely above a whisper.

His hand gripped the table’s edge, he could reach it from where Egon had pulled him closer to his hips. He was sweating, both from being hot, so so hot, pressed up against Egon, but also from nerves and anxiety chewing at his gut.

Egon's stomach flipped, his heart racing as blood rushed to every inch of his body. His mind was completely overwhelmed by the news he was just told, and he felt the heat and the intensity growing inside him again. But this time it was mixed with something new, with a hunger that he's never experienced before.

"Just one question..." Egon asked, his voice thick and heavy with desire and love. His body was trembling with need now, his heart ready to explode into sparks and flames.

”Yeah?” Alex whimpered.

Egon reached forward, grabbing Alex's wrist, pulling him closer, almost into a hug so he could whisper something in his ear.

"Are you a man?"

”Yes” Alex squeezed his eyes shut and whispered. Egon was so close.

"That's all I care about."

Egon's breath was so hot and heavy as he spoke, it felt like his words were igniting the room. He finally let go of Alex's wrist, his body trembling uncontrollably as all the desire he felt before seemed to have reached its peak. He was ready to take him, to mold him into whatever shape he found most desirable.

Jesus.

Jesus.

Alex felt like he was going to pass out. Or die. Maybe both.

His head was practically spinning. Egon’s hands grabbed his hips harder and slid down, brushing the waistband of his pants slightly further, exposing his hips and the beginning of a small happy trail.

He could cry.

He was so happy.

He was crying he realized. Tears slipped from his eyes as Egon began biting at his collarbone again.

Egon was like a heat seeking missile, his mouth, his lips, his teeth moving to whatever place he could find that would generate the most response out of Alex. He couldn't get enough of him, his lips trailing down his neck, down to his shoulders, his hand caressing his hips as he slowly pulled him even closer so he could bite, and bite, and scratch, and maul, and love every inch of him like he was a starving animal after the meal that had been denied him for months on end.

”Egon-“ Alex whimpered. His hands clawed at the thin fabric stretched over Egon’s back. He had money to afford the expensive thick type, Alex knew exactly what he was getting paid, but he also knew Egon preferred practical. Something he loved about him. He wasn’t afraid to come back to the lab dripping in ectoplasm or singed with soot.

In fact, maybe now Alex would finally have an excuse to get all those ruined cheap shirts off him.

Alex kissed at Egon’s mouth when he could. Brief, wet, desperate kisses.

Egon's mind was filled with nothing but Alex now, the sweet sound of his cries, the feel of his fingernails digging into his back, the way his body fit so neatly against his own....he couldn't go back, he didn't want to, he didn't intend on letting go of him until he finally saw him broken, broken and his, his alone.

Egon's desire continued to grow with every passing second, his breath getting heavier, his movements becoming more aggressive. He needed more.

“Whatever you want. Do whatever- I Just- ah - I need more” Alex pleaded. He knew it was pathetic. Begging to be taken, especially by someone he admired so much. He wanted Egon to think he was an equal, someone to be taken seriously. Not just some…whore. Something cheap to be broken.

But…maybe…just maybe…

He would like to be Egon’s anything.

He could be Egon’s plaything if he wanted. He’d bend.

He’s submit. He’d even let Egon break him, as long as he put him back together at the end.

And he would.

Because he knew Egon.

He trusted Egon.

So…

“More” he begged.

Egon's mind was just pure adrenaline now, thoughts coming one after another like a machine gun firing. Thoughts of him, of how he made this boy want him so desperately, how he trusted him so much that he'd let him do anything, even let him break him...it was everything he'd ever dreamed of and now that it was actually a reality it was all he could think about.

Egon's hands slid down to his back, gripping him harder, pulling him closer as his breath got heavier and heavier…

Alex bucked his hips against Egon, and the sweet friction that was there for less than a second lit a spark in his mind. He felt like goo. He was a specimen. All for Egon.

Now that he thought about it…he wouldn’t mind being examined like a subject. Put on display for the doctor.

Alex shivered at the thought.

“I really-really want you” Alex breathed, clutching at him.

Egon's movements slowed down as he saw how much he was affecting Alex now, how his actions were making the man absolutely tremble with desire and need. He savored the feeling, enjoying the feeling of his own dominance and the power it gave him. He could make Alex do anything, make him do anything he wanted…

"I want you bad..." Egon breathed, his voice heavy and thick with need as his mouth came down to Alex's neck, kissing and nipping along the way. Egon was trembling all over now.

”Then do something about it,” Alex bit, and leaned back baring his neck to Egon who bit it with a feverish intensity.

Egon moaned, the sound echoing in his ears as he bit and nicked along the sensitive areas on Alex's neck.

"What do you think I'm doing right now?"

Egon's grip on him had begun to loosen, but it was only so he could move one of his hands around to push Alex's hips forward and make him buck even harder against him.

“AH!” Alex jumped as one of Egon’s hands slid down his back and into the back of his pants. It cupped flesh, squeezing. Alex rocked against the touch, his front brushing against Egon’s feeling just how excited he was by this.

“I want more though…” Alex pawed at Egon’s neatly tucked shirt, finally managing to ruck the back up enough to grab skin just on the small of his back. He tried to pull him closer. “There are beds just a few rooms away you know…” Alex bit at Egon’s ear and got an almost growl-like sound in response.

Egon's mouth left his neck as he heard his ear being nipped on, making his grip on him tight again. He'd been thinking the same thing, the pull of their bodies together was too much to pass up.

"You know what? You're right..." Egon murmured, the only sound the deep breathing of the both of them as Egon began to push Alex towards the beds, eager for the chance to give him everything he wanted.

Alex stumbled blindly, stupidly, towards the bunk room. He knew which bed was Egon’s, and was suddenly thankful for the twin size, as it meant they would have to be as close as possible.

“Egon…” Alex breathed as he stumbled backwards onto the bed, Egon’s hands cupping his jaw. Alex begun to work on pulling the front of Egon’s shirt out of his slacks.

Egon's heart was pounding in his chest, the sound just loud and heavy in his head as he watched Alex start to pull down his shirt. His mouth was dry as all of the blood had rushed to his lower half at this point, making his entire body feel hot all over. He was practically shaking with every touch of Alex's hands as he held himself back at the moment. He could let himself go later, he had to wait just a few more seconds…

”Can I?” Alex asked, practically doe eyed as he looked up at Egon, flushed with lips wet with spit.

His hands fumbled with the zipper of Egon’s pants and the buckle of his belt. This was the only time he cursed how perfectly dressed Egon was. It got in his way of what he really wanted right now.

"Oh... oh yes.”

Egon's entire body was trembling in anticipation, his entire being was just craving for anything he could get from Alex and now to think that he was going to let him take off his pants to get to him....he was not going to last long if this continued.

Alex deftly and quickly undid Egon’s belt and zipper with a speed that told Egon he had done this before, and a primal, stupid part of Egon’s brain flared with jealousy. He wanted to kill whoever taught Alex that. Alex was his.

Alex yanked Egon’s slacks down and his briefs along with it. Quickly, he nosed along the V of Egon’s hips with the ferocity of a starved animal. He licked and kissed anywhere he could get his mouth to.

Egon couldn't stop the guttural sound of pleasure that came from his mouth, his legs wobbling with every touch of Alex's tongue and mouth. His breath was heavy and sharp, his body trembling with the intense desire now coursing through him.

Alex’s hands moved to cover whatever he couldn’t get with his mouth. He wanted this to be good for Egon. He wanted to be good for Egon. He made sure to keep his teeth out of the way, using his tongue mostly. He was still shy, new at this despite the fever with which he undressed Egon.

Suddenly, he felt a heavy pressure on the back of his head.

Egon’s hand.

Egon shoved ever so lightly, forcing Alex to go lower. He had to breathe through his nose now, which was new. His eyes watered up again, threatening to spill.

He liked this Egon though. This new, dominant, side. He liked the pressure of his hand, he liked being told what to do.

Egon's breathing was hot and heavy as he pushed Alex lower to him, his breath rushing out of his mouth with a guttural hiss as he pushed him lower and lower and lower. He needed what Alex was giving him now more than anything he had felt before. He wanted it, needed it, his entire body was trembling in a mixture of anticipation and pleasure, he was close, and he was close very very quickly.

Alex could feel Egon tensing up. He didn’t want this to end so soon but he didn’t know whether or not Egon wanted to go…that far with him.

Egon’s hand released up on his head slightly. Gently, the same hand came to brush sweaty hair behind Alex’s ear.

Egon was hot in Alex’s mouth. Like melting velvet. Alex could stay here forever, warm and fuzzy, doing whatever Egon says. Whatever makes him make the sounds he’s making now.

"Stop..." Egon breathed, his voice was thick and heavy as it was hard for him to get the words out. He was too close now, he needed to keep control of himself for just a little longer, to hold back a bit before he blew this early.

"Look at me." Egon hissed through his teeth as he grabbed Alex's hair and pulled him back up to his face like a demanding master grabbing his pet's leash.

Alex almost choked, pulling quickly off of Egon. His hands were strong, and huge compared to Alex’s face. It was a pretty picture for Egon. A flushed and hazed Alex, back arched, shirt ruffled and pushed up, midriff showing.

“Egon-“ Alex’s voice was hoarse. There was still spit connecting him to Egon.

Alex’s hands drifted to Egon’s thighs. He felt bad, he’d have to wash these slacks for Egon later. He was pretty sure he was going to have to wash this entire bed later.

"Put your hair back" Egon demanded, using all his strength to keep himself from grabbing Alex and pulling him back down for more.

He couldn't see anything else right now other than Alex. He wanted him. He needed him to be his.

Alex’s hair was short so he simply tucked it behind his ear. He blinked up at Egon and got the cue as Egon began tearing at the buttons of Alex’s shirt.

“Ah!-“ Alex tried to protest his shirt being destroyed but Egon simply kissed him and pushed him further up the bed towards his pillows.

“I’ll buy you a new one-“ Egon mended as he pulled the scrap off of Alex’s back and began working to undo his pants, still almost fully dressed himself.

Egon was now barely thinking, he'd let his desire take absolute control of him. He was practically ripping off Alex's pants out of the pure desire to be able to see more of his body. It was almost animalistic the way he was moving now, he couldn't even see straight. All he knew was that it was time to take Alex as his own, to possess him completely.

“Please-“ Alex coughed as he broke away from Egon to paw weakly at his pants, slug around his hips.

Egon kissed him animalistically.

”Baby,” Alex whined. The blood rushed straight to Egon’s lower half.

"Please what?" Egon said, his hands moving to pin down Alex's hands, taking charge of the situation now. He knew a guy like this didn't want to be in charge. The way Alex had been acting so shyly earlier, the way he'd begged Egon to take control made it clear he was just too…overwhelmed to have any kind of power in this situation. Egon let his mouth roam over his neck, gently scratching and biting wherever he thought would get a reaction out of him.

Alex’s breath was coming in shallow puffs now. His eyes rolled back in his head as Egon continued to make dark marks around his neck. He wouldn’t be able to cover them, they’d know. They’d know he was Egon’s.

“Please- doctor!” Alex begged. Egon’s hand roamed up Alex’s lower half, now completely open to him.

Egon stopped, his hands drifting down to his hips again to grip them. He liked how Alex's eyes rolled back into his head as he called him doctor. It made his heart beat to think that Alex would want him to be his doctor, even if it was just for this moment, because that was exactly the title he wanted right now. He wanted to do experiments on him, to see the inside of him, to break him down into all of his pieces, then putting him together again like a puzzle to make him exactly what he needed.

“Take me…” Alex swallowed, mouth dry, “Take me apart…” He finally managed to pull his lovers pants completely off and his shirt as well, leaving him in the same state as Alex.

He was glad the fire house was warm. Hot, even.

Maybe that was just them two.

Egon's entire body shivered at that one sentence. It was as though he could feel the heat radiate off of his own body, his heart beating so quickly that it almost hurt him.

This boy, Alex, he was exactly what Egon needed. Maybe not just for a few nights, but for forever.

"Then I will take you apart..." Egon said, it was almost a threat. No one else was getting him, he was his.

“Please,” Alex kissed Egon as he felt him move. This position was similar to the table, except now Egon towered even more-so over him.

They hadn’t grabbed any sort of…help…for this. It was just them. Bare. Alex hoped Egon was fine with that. He was on the pill after all.

“I want you-“ Egon kissed Alex to shut him up and moved. He felt hot. Much hotter than anything or anybody Alex had been with before. And his body was, larger. He covered Alex’s whole chest, and he could feel one of Egon’s hands tracing one of his top surgery scars.

Egon shivered again, his body shaking with both the desire he was feeling and the thought that there was nothing to stop them from going all the way, no condoms or contraception, nothing at all. He wanted to take Alex and to make him his, on every level.

Alex's scars were just a bonus to him, something he liked to see on another's body as it told more about who they were. He would always appreciate the scars Alex got, because it made him know Alex even more.

“I don’t need…prep,” Alex breathed. He flushed with the admission but it was true. He watched as the realization suck into Egon’s face and he grinned, devilish.

“Yeah?” Egon asked, petting Alex’s side sweetly. It amazed him how even in such heated moments like this Egon could be so sweet and shy.

“Was thinking of you while I…” Alex admitted in a breathy, sort of out of control voice before he could even think about what he was saying.

"You were?" Egon whispered back, his voice full of shock, it seemed almost impossible that Alex would think of him at all when he was alone.

"Just me?"

Egon's hands began to make their way over Alex's body again, stroking down his sides as he watched for his reaction.

“Only you.” Alex moaned as Egon’s hand teased him.

“Wanted to be Yours” Alex purred. He kissed the bridge of Egon’s nose, something he knew the other man was sensitive about, but to Alex, he loved it, it was strong and regal just like the man it was attached to.

"Oh..." Egon breathed as he heard Alex moaning and kissing his nose, he could feel his heart skipping a beat at that admission. No one had ever said anything like that to him before, he didn't expect anyone to ever tell him that they wanted him, let alone only him. His entire body was trembling now as he felt a rush of emotions all at once.

He lowered his face back to Alex's and kissed him deeply, unable to help himself at all.

“Please, please need you now, needed you yesterday,” Alex began to whine, clawing at Egon’s back freely now. He was sure he would leave faint red marks in his wake. He wanted to mark Egon as much as Egon wanted to mark him.

He drew his legs around Egon’s back and pulled him closer into his hips, barely pulling him in.

Alex grit his teeth. He was so hot. He felt like he had a fever.

Egon groaned at that as his grip on Alex tightened, his breath coming out sharp and heavy as he pressed himself into him with everything he had. His heart was racing and he could feel his vision blurring at the heat now, he was so worked up that it was becoming difficult to keep steady because everything that Alex was doing was sending him straight to the breaking point.

Alex’s whines and moans took a sharp turn into a higher register as Egon pushed home. It felt insane. He felt like he was full to his throat. He wanted to spend and entire eon here in Egon’s arms.

Egon’s moans took a lower register however, as he braced one arm bracketing Alex’s head, hair flung widely out onto the pillow behind him. Alex’s arm flew up to claw at Egon’s nape.

It reminded him of how this started, Egon’s finger slowly drawing up and down his head.

Alex felt drunk. Egon felt powerful.

Egon could feel Alex's back arching as he pushed deeper and deeper, each movement making Egon feel more and more dominant, more and more in control of Alex. He could hear the other man growling and moaning with each thrust as it drove him close to his limit, but Egon couldn't stop himself, he wanted even more.

”Egon- Doctor- I’m so close” Alex breathed. His eyes were brimmed with tears as Egon pushed against a spot inside him that made him see stars. His hand gripped into Egon’s back further, and he was sure his nails were breaking skin as he dug into him and pulled him closer, kissing him harder, teeth biting lips and clacking into each other.

Egon's lips were still locked to his, his mouth moving even as his body shivered at the pressure from Alex's hand. He was on the verge of losing it completely, he needed this release more than anything right now because he had come so far. He'd be lying if he said his actions weren't a bit selfish, but no matter what his intentions were, his mind wasn't thinking like that right now, all he could think about was taking more and more.

“Egon.” Alex’s voice tumbled into a softer tone without even meaning to. “I thi-uh-” he made stupid little punched out noises with every movement. Egon gripped his hand that was on his back and pinned it to the pillows behind his head with his own. He felt just as hot as Alex, if not more so.

“I think- think I’m in-“ Alex gasped and made a long pathetic cry as Egon slowly moved and held his position against him. “ITHINKIMINLOVEWITHYOU-” Alex jumbled out in a moment of happiness and haze induced fog as Egon, the man of his dreams, the guy he’s wanted for so so long, holds him and kisses him and presses into him.

Egon shivered at that admission, his chest feeling as though it were being crushed from the sudden rush of emotions that came from Alex's words. He couldn't even think right now, he wasn't thinking of anything other than this moment, this man he had wanted for so long was in his arms telling him that he loved him. Egon squeezed the boy tighter as he finally released him from the pressure and finally allowed himself to just rest his weight on top of Alex, holding him close.

Alex felt Egon tense, and one of his large hands came to grip Alex’s lower half. He pulled, and a few strokes later Alex’s back bowed and his eyes rolled and he made an absolutely pathetic whimper as he folded.

He was Egon’s.

Egon shivered again, his jaw was clenched tight as he tried to get everything under control and stop his entire world from shaking. Now that he had Alex here, he wasn't going to let him go. He was only his, he was finally his and Egon had never felt this good before as he felt a rush of pride flow through him. He would have to wait to ask if it was just a heat-of-the-situation statement or if it was the real thing, but right now it didn't matter. All he could think of was that he had him.

Egon felt heavy on top of Alex as he laid there after the fact. Alex didn’t have the strength to move him. He really didn’t think he wanted to move him. He felt… warm and full and he really had never been happier. He had the man he loved in bed with him…shit, he had just made love to the man he loved. Alex felt like he may explode despite being so wrung out.

He could still feel Egon’s hands rubbing softly at his hips, even despite him being exhausted. Alex felt a different part of him warm, his heart. Even despite everything Egon was still thinking of him first.

Egon didn't try to move either, he felt so incredibly content just laying on top of Alex, his body pressed firmly against him. Egon's fingers were still tracing over his hips, he couldn't get enough of the boy beneath him. He'd never felt like this before, Alex had a hold on him he didn't think he would ever have over anyone, in this moment he had finally been taken by someone, he had finally been possessed and he wanted nothing more than to just fall asleep with Alex in his arms.

”Egon.” Alex whispered a few minutes after their breathing had calmed down. Egon had shifted slightly to get off of Alex’s chest.

“I love you.” Alex breathed as Egon played with his hair.

He felt Egon smile against his shoulder.

"I love you too."

Egon's reply was simple, but he meant it with all his heart as he shifted off of him, laying beside him now. He was so comfortable and so content with him, he wanted to hold him this way for the rest of his life and he honestly didn't want to be anywhere else right now. His arm snaked around and wrapped tightly around him as he brought him closer to himself, holding him close while his finger played with the hair at the back of his head.

Alex nuzzled into Egon’s neck. He shivered as the last of Egon pulled out.

“Do ya’ think we could sleep here?” Alex asked, already sleepy. Egon had tired him out, and he was still partially in that fuzzy state in between conscious and pliable.

Egon’s hand wrapped further around him. He was warm and still slightly tacky with sweat.

Egon shivered as he felt Alex nuzzle into him again, he couldn't help but give a soft chuckle when he heard his request to sleep together, he was already getting used to being Alex's pillow.

"Yes, I do."

He was tired too and he let himself drift off with his body pressed against Alex's, his arm keeping him close even when his eyes were starting to shut and his heart was trying to slow back down.

Alex fell asleep peacefully and quickly that night. It was nice. He felt completely comfortable for once. He had half the mind to pull his boxers and Egon’s shirt on before completely drifting off and forcing Egon to at least pull his boxers on as well.

-

He was glad he did, because somehow both of them forgot to set any sort of clock beside any bedside table, and by the time Venkman got to the firehouse the next day, they had just enough time to hear the door on the first floor open to be able to wake up and rush to get things ready.

Egon sat up slowly when he heard the firehouse door slam open from the lower floor. He looked around, seeing Alex pull on his boxers next to him.

He had to be dreaming still because Alex had spent the entire night with him. Egon was already slipping on pants by then and Alex was up as well.

They both looked half dressed but it was enough to not raise suspicions that they had been with each other. For all Peter knew, Egon had simply spent the night in the lab and Alex had had a particularly good date. They shuffled blearily into the kitchenette, and belatedly, Alex realized all of Egon’s work was still across the table. He hoped it could survive a night of no refrigeration, he would’ve hated to have ruined all of his hard work. He didn’t look worried, so Alex was not panicked just yet.

Instead, Egon headed to the kitchen and started pulling down some pancake mix and a bowl from a higher shelf than Alex couldn’t usually get to without going on his tip-toes, and grabbing a pan from under the sink.

Alex sat at the same chair he had been accosted in last night and watched intensely. Egon looked so domestic. He had to borrow extra sweats and an old college hoodie in his locker here since his clothes were ruined last night. He was lucky enough to have another work outfit in his locker. So he didn’t have the luxury of pretending like the two of them had truly spent a night together like a real couple.

Even though they did.

Finally.

Instead, he was already internally preparing to make up some story about someone else if Peter asked about his neck. Thankfully, Alex was smart enough to keep any marks he left on Egon where only he could see them.

Egon was focused on his cooking, he'd made pancakes here a few times before but he was determined to make this a good breakfast for Alex, now that they were actually official.

He was too focused on that to notice just how much Alex was staring at him, watching him like a predator would prey.

It was a nice feeling to know he had this kind of attention. He finally looked over at him though and smirked at the sight before going back to cooking.

Alex knew he had to tear his attention away before Venkman came up here and caught on to something. He was half worried that the place still reeked of sex.

He had quickly thrown the sheets of his and every other bed into the washer with the help of Egon, along with their clothes.

In all terms, nothing was left of evidence.

But Alex kinda wanted there to be.

He really, really liked Egon.

Watching him cook pancakes, for him and Alex, providing like this without being asked, warmed his heart a little bit and he had to catch himself before his brain took off with the thought and started imagining 10 years in the future, to mornings just like this, except maybe with a few little feet running around.

Egon was actually feeling warm at the looks Alex was giving him, it made him feel good that Alex was looking at him like this, that he could make this guy so happy. Egon didn't think of the future, he was just focused on this moment, on making these pancakes. Once he had the batter properly mixed he set the bowl down and pulled out the frying pan, beginning to heat it with grease.

Alex didn’t think anything could ruin his mood today.

That was, almost.

-

After Egon had finished his pancakes, they had both eaten just as Peter finally came upstairs to see them. Apparently he had stopped to check on the car before coming up, so they had more time than they thought.

They conversed casually, and sure enough, as Alex bit into another bite of his pancakes, he watched Peter eye his neck suspiciously.

“WHO gave you those things newsboy?” He asked, smirking.

Alex felt Egon’s leg tense against his, but he didn’t stop eating or show any other sign of being startled, so that was good.

“Just some girl from the bar…” Alex mumbled.

He didn’t know if Egon wanted to be open about it. He wished he had gotten to talk about it with him before everyone had shown up for work the next day. They had a scheduled go over of what they were going to do with the vault and its size soon.

But it was interrupted.

As soon as everyone had crowded around the breakfast nook upstairs, the alarms rang and Janine was yelling from downstairs about some high level poltergeist at the manhattan library. Suddenly, just as fast as they arrived, the boys had taken off in the van, all suited up.

Egon spared him a fleeting glance, and it was packed with a lot, before he had shuffled in and they had flipped the sirens on and pulled off.

Well.

He may as well get some work done for the rest of the day while they were gone.

-

Egon had caught an expression out of the corner of his eye from Peter and Alex's exchange that he didn't like, his jaw was clenching as they were interrupted, but there was no chance to dwell on it right now. He was more worried about Alex, hoping he wouldn't get into any kind of trouble from the lie he'd told. As Egon was going into the van he gave Alex a glimpse of a look that said 'I'll talk to you about it later' before being shut into the van with the rest of the team.

-

Alex had busied himself until the van had pulled up again late in the day.

It was a bad bust. At least a rough one.

There was a loud noise of the garage opening and the van pulled in with the boys in tow. They hoped out one by one.

Peter looked tired, already smoking. Ray was talking frantically to Winston who didn’t seem to be paying that much attention, talking about dinner. And finally, Egon folded himself out of the tight door and seemed to be almost…smoking.

Not, like. Attractive-ness wise.

Like, legitimately smoking.

As in on fire.

Alex rushed over to see what was wrong, but as he approached Egon simply held up the smoking ecto-trap, still steaming from a big catch. He smiled tiredly and looked down at Alex.

Egon looked exhausted and in need of a good shower at the moment, sweat and ash covered him and Alex couldn't find a clean spot on him if he tried. He was panting heavily the moment he made it out of the van since the last ghost they had encountered had been one hell of a fight. His eyes immediately locked with Alex's when he started running over towards him and his face lit up with that tired, sweet smile. He was grateful that the one person he actually wanted to see right now was there to see him.

Alex looked towards the rest of the boys. “Okay boys, beds are freshly made. Go shower and while you do that I’ll order your favorite Chinese takeout!” Alex declared and he could practically feel Egon melt under his touch on his back with his words.

With that, everyone scuddled off to busy themselves.

Egon's shoulders sagged the moment he heard that, his expression suddenly becoming much more relaxed and calm. As soon as the rest of the guys left the room he had wrapped his arms tightly around him again, burying his face down into the crook of his neck.

"I don't feel like you give yourself enough credit Alex, I'm always fed well here."

His words were tired and scratchy, but he was still smiling as he squeezed him tight.

Alex nuzzled back, only slightly bothered by the singed smell of his uniform. That would have to be fixed later.

“Go shower, big guy.” Alex shoved Egon gently off him and towards the showers with the rest of the guys. He wanted him to be clean and feeling good before he gave him a warm meal.

Egon reluctantly let himself be pushed away but he still made good use of the rest room as he stripped off his sweaty clothes and headed into the shower. It wasn't easy to wash the thick layer of sweat and ash from his skin this far in but he was able to at least get it to the point where he didn't smell like he'd been standing next to someone on fire. He got out of the shower after about 20 minutes and put on a clean set of clothes he had kept up here.

As he searched for clothes, he realized a sweater from earlier was missing. He’d have to ask Alex if he’d seen where it had gone, maybe in with the clothes that they ruined last night.

Egon smiled smugly at the thought.

And here everyone thought he had no game.

He shook his head.

It was more than that.

He really, really liked Alex. He felt connected to him, on a deeper level than he did with anybody else on the team. He wanted to come home to him after a long day of kicking ass and saving the world, knowing he was safe and happy.

Egon smiled at the thought happily as he appeared back in the kitchenette, empty save for you even though everyone else had gone off to shower before him.

Egon was content with this moment right now, he was home and he didn't have to worry about his team for a little while longer. And even if Alex was still going through his stuff, and stealing it to wear home, he didn't have any concerns.

"I'm back, how have you been holding up here?" He asked, walking into the kitchenette with a small, gentle smile as he leaned up against the counter. Egon just wanted to keep talking with Alex for a little while longer before they had to actually get busy with work things.

Alex opened one of 3 bags of Chinese food he had ordered while the rest of them were showering.

“I’m okay. That bust looked rough. Wanna’ talk about it?”

Alex asked, bumping his hip playfully against Egon’s in an attempt to keep the mood light even though he knew sometimes talking about scary or close-call busts made Egon get antsy.

Egon's face was still a little bit strained after the bust but he couldn't help but smile when he noticed Alex was trying to keep the mood light, Egon liked that part of him. He couldn't help but chuckle as Alex bumped his hip against him, he knew Alex was trying to help. When the topic of the bust came up, Egon tried to dismiss it.

"Oh it was nothing, the ghost was just a bit stronger than expected but it turned out fine. Don't worry about it."

Alex could tell he was dodging him, but he wasn’t going to push. Egon would come to him when he was ready.

Or, he maybe he could take out his stress with busts a different way now.

Either way, Alex didn’t mind for now.

Presently, he focused on getting the food out of the bags and cleaning Egon’s makeshift science lab off the and onto the counter.

Alex was glad. It looked like they had all survived the night and were doing fine. Egon didn’t seem fussed with him moving them either. Just watched, enraptured, leaning over the rest of the kitchen with arms folded as Alex moved methodically.

Egon's eyes kept on moving from his food to Alex and back again, that sweet smile never leaving his face as he admired the way he went about his work. Egon's stomach was rumbling now that that sweet smell was filling the kitchenette, the smell of the fresh food just making his stomach growl. His hand reached out to try and grab a piece of the food but each time he reached his hand out he stopped himself, not wanting to eat until Alex had a chance to eat something too.

Alex playfully batted at his hand. “Let me grab the others, they went to grab beers from the basement freezer.”

Alex swung himself quickly around the fire pole a few yards away and Egon watched him quickly drop out of view rolling his eyes.

Always dramatic.

Alex was the one that used that silly pole the most despite only being a desk jockey and a PR Princess for the team.

Egon chuckled a little bit as he watched Alex take the fire pole, as much as he thought it was a bit much he was more impressed that Alex could actually pull it off. Egon got too lost in his own thoughts to notice that Alex had left until he was back in just a minute or two with the other guys in tow.

Alex bounded up the stairs and gleefully placed a cold 6 pack down in the center. Janine was even in tow behind the rest of the guys.

Egon smiled gently. It was perfect. All his favorite people.

Alex brushed up against him, smiling with a specific warmth meant only for him.

He clapped his hands together happily. “Okay guys!” He addressed everyone and gestured to the wide spread of Chinese food in the center of the table, with the beer as the centerpiece. “Dig in!”

Egon felt like something had suddenly and unexpectedly popped into place in his life. Like something was just ever so slightly out of alignment, and in this particular moment it all became very, blindingly clear.

It was all perfect.

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

Final notes: woah!! Okay so that was a long story sorry everyone I have brainrot. Not responsible for my own actions but honestly we need more good ftm shit on this website so I took it upon myself. Hope everyone enjoyed but look out for more stuff soon because I finally feel like actually writing yayyyy :333

[6ad6ro]

ok. i finally finished final fantasy vii rebirth. and i wanna talk about it. i guess you could call this my "review". this post will be vague and spoiler-free unless you click on the "read more".

i do love this game, but it's an absolute mixed bag: story: 10/10 combat mechanics: 9/10 music: 9/10 art direction: 10/10 voice acting (jp): 10/10 open world (non-quest stuff): 4/10 sidequests: 6/10 minigames: 3/10 pacing: 1/10 does this game have flaws? yes. is it as good as the og ff7? no. but is it worth playing? absolutely. i almost feel like this game needs a "cheat sheet" in order to know what parts to play and what parts to avoid. but the good parts (mostly the linear main story stuff) is SO gd good that it's still a must-play game. ok but now i'm gonna go into details (and spoilers) under the rm cut.

so i'll go over some of my scores. firstly, the story is the main reason to play this. they def fuck around a lot, maybe they bait and switch a bit too often, but in the end it makes for a very compelling (or at least interesting) narrative. at first, i was REALLY worried that this game was gonna turn into just some "fan pandering nightmare". and it felt like it was "ff7 without it's claws". esp when everybody was dancing like pop stars and aerith and tifa kept high fiving. but... it def got into that good ff7 trauma we know and love later on. and respect to them for following through with killing aerith. yes, they did what i sorta expected. they teased tifa dying instead, teased aerith NOT dying, and then killed aerith anyway. they EASILY could have left her alive, but they didn't. they kept in the loss angle, which imo is what makes ff7 "ff7". i kinda LOVE that now you have a batshit cloud "seeing" aerith's ghost like it's star wars. and everyone else seems almost... afraid of him. and rightfully so. also i LOVED the zack stuff, even though it was absolutely confusing. i like that they're hinting at zack somehow breaking through his reality into the rm universe. i also like the tease that... idk... will there be another "party" involving zack, kyrie, biggs (if he's still alive or not)? regardless, a great story!

the combat feels mostly improved over rm. the gameplay is fantastic with very few flaws. difficulty is way more balanced than rm, with easy feeling a bit harder and normal feeling less unfair. the only times i felt frustrated by the gameplay was when they laid the "stone" status effect on too thick in parts bc it felt cheap. is it as good as the og combat? no. it still def has the unfun "you desperately need to heal but don't have a charge and the enemy is immune to everything so you just die" thing. but credit where its due, the "free item a few times per battle" materia fixes a lotta those issues.

the music is incredible. the remakes of old songs generally kick ass. some of the new music was pretty good, too. though it gets a point off because a lot of the open world stuff music felt... generic? this is just a situation where the og game's music is TOO GOOD, so the new music will always be fighting this sort of uphill battle.

the art was perfect. just the shading alone... like jesus this game is absolutely beautiful. i took so many goddamn screenshots in game, and they'd often end up looking like key renders, even tho it'd just be a random ss i could take at any angle. this game went above and beyond all expectations.

the voice acting... there was SO MUCH and it was all SO GOOD. tho i did switch to jp voices. bc... in this sorta storytelling, eng just sounds like "drama club"? idk there's a reason the language of origin cast is usually better and that's just how it is. it was perfect.

ok now we're gonna get into some of my issues, starting with the open world. it's not ENTIRELY awful? some was genuinely fun and exciting. but the majority was busywork. like it's so weird when the mainline stuff was so good that this would feel like a shitty ubisoft game. and chadley... fuck that dude. worst character in the series. but for SOME gd reason he ends up talking to you nonstop! i hit the point where i'd wince any time i heard his "radio" turn on. he took an already mediocre open world and made it way worse. fuckin chudly.

the sidequests that weren't just repeated busywork were usually neat. tho some were bad, and others withstood their welcome. the cutscenes/dialogue were usually fun or genuinely great, but they too often came at the cost of wasting your time. they often had shit rewards. and they often incorporated the shittiest "minigames" ever (i'll go into this more in a minute). example: you gotta find ingredients for a character who is learning to cook. but it isn't just going out to find them in the world. no no no. you gotta follow a dog (ftr i love the song) as they slowly meander through a jungle, running into every mob they see. and when you finally get to where the "salt" is, there's a dumb scavenger hunt minigame where you need to find only the 5(?) salt piles that look like the photo. THEN you gotta get on your chocobo and look for mushrooms in a confusing, puzzle-like terrain. which also involves a smelling/follow the direction minigame, which always leads you into mobs. and once you get to each mushroom? there's this STUPID picking minigame. after all that, what reward do you get? an accessory that functions like maybe the worst materia in the game, but also takes up the accessory slot, making it even more unusable. FUCK this game sometimes, lol.

speakin of "fuck this game", the minigames. the 200 minigames (exaggeration, but it really feels like that many). some are genuinely incredible, like the piano minigame? which might be one of my favorite minigames of all time, it's legit THAT good. or "red xiii rocket league". but for every good minigame, there was a mediocre one. and then a terrible one. or one that gets WAY too hard in higher difficulties, like the mog game which starts fun but ends up dogshit and unplayable a few levels in. even tho the good and passable minigames are the majority, the bad minigames? they're maybe some of the worst minigames i've ever played in my goddamn life. like, by design, they're almost anti-fun. i genuinely believe some of the people in charge of the bad minigames should be blackballed from the industry. it's bewildering.

and finally that brings us to the pacing. if you play the game the way they seemingly expect you to play, getting to each new area and sidequesting a bit before continuing on with the story? then you'll spend five hours of mediocre/bad sidequest for each hour of good story. that's even worst if you're a "completionist" at all, you can triple or quadruple that number. we all loved remake because it "expanded the midgar section". we were all hoping they'd do the same with the og open world. the very idea of "big open world, but so much bigger" seemed incredible. but they certainly gave it to us! like they gave us exactly what we said we wanted, lol. when i first started playing rb, i was mostly completing each area. by the second or third area, i was more than 50 hours in. "burnout" is a gross understatement. all the mediocre sidequests combined with the sometimes unplayable minigames ALSO COMBINED with fuckin chudly? and i actually started to hate this game. it made me miserable. i'd get to a new area and just roll my eyes. i'd see a new minigame tutorial pop up and i'd mash "cancel". but wouldn't you know it, once i started skipping most minigames/sidequests? i started havin a ton of fun. turns out this pacing issue can be mitigated a lot. straight up you can ignore most of the open world, and i would actually strongly recommend it. if you DO wanna sidequest a bit between story, i'd say put on a podcast, set the difficulty to easy, and turn the voices down (bc chudly). and don't do everything. oh no. just do enough to unlock the chocobo, to buy the best materia chudly has from that area, and maybe get the summoning. even THAT is probably too much. bc near the end of the game, you get the opportunity to go back and finish a bunch of the stuff you missed the first time. and i actually enjoyed a lotta that stuff then! it was almost like a period of rest and relaxation before the end story stuff.

there are ways, intentional or not, to make this game feel even BETTER than remake. when you skip most of the side stuff, it's paced incredibly well. so it's hard to say it's a bad game. it's actually a really GOOD game with "too much side content". if you treat the open world stuff as just like, a living, detailed world you glance at as you zoom by? it's actually really cool that it's there. i have a couple more pros/cons that i wanna mention, but i don't know where else to put em. like the end fights. thematically, i adored em. in execution, it went on for way way WAY too long. it was like a 15 (yes FIFTEEN) phase fight. on normal, i swear it felt like it took close to two hours, full of unskippable cutscenes and only like one checkpoint. it also takes away al of your team composition too, consistently forcing you to use characters you don't wanna use in the hardest fights in the game. first time, i got through to the very last sliver of final sephiroth's health, only for him to cast some dogshit unblockable "everyone is at 1hp" move at the end. it was ok bc "i'd prepared for this". so i instantly had one character use a gigapotion on the other, who i switched to so they could dodge just to be extra safe. the potion... missed? how? and then before i had a chance to use another, he killed the remaining character. bad game. shit game. but whatever, i hit retry. and i couldn't believe it. it sent me back 7 phases. i was livid. it had sucked the air outta the room. so i said fuck it and restarted the whole fight from the start on easy, because i can't tolerate that kind of scumbag game design that wastes a player's time. and wouldn't you know it, turns out i'd been at the very end of the fight when i died. if the potion had gone off like it shoulda, i would have won, no question. ironically even on easy, that trash situation happened again, but the potion actually went off this time, that was the only difference. but yeah. fuck that fight. it was cooler thematically than the final fight in rm, but it was three times as long, and three times more unfair. fuck whoever designed this fight, they too should be blackballed from the industry, lol.

the last thing i wanna talk about is queens blood. bc my feelings on it are sorta all over. so it starts out kinda boring, like as basic as ff8 triple triad, but wayyy less fun. and you're very limited in who you can play and what cards you can add to your deck. the ai seemingly "cheats", but it's so "linear" that you can win anyhow. and they musta known they'd lose most players, so they legit give you the ability to "flip the game board" at any point in the match and start over with zero punishment. they knew the game wasn't rly fair by design. but it's still good they had the easy retry feature, or they woulda lost me too. the qb experience sorta continues this way until you get to the latter junon area, where suddenly you run into... idk what to call it. intense difficulty spikes? like this dickwad who's playin a rockabilly guitar. FUCK that dude's deck and FUCK his ai. almost single-handedly got me to drop qb altogether. i was absolutely done, had decided qb was just a poorly designed game. thankfully, right after junon they have this big tournament on the boat to costa del sol and it's really fun. you suddenly are getting cards that have actual strategy. and suddenly qb opens up. there was a slight misstep after the boat where they make you play these stupid "puzzle" versions of qb, but you can look up guides and, even if they aren't fun, they help teach you about the game. anyways, i cautiously started playin more matches in later areas (skippin fights that seemed too lame), and before i knew it, i'd kinda fallen in love w the game. it also helped that they started incorporating this fun n bizarre story, too. so idk. i'd say play qb the same way you play the side content, skip a lot of it until you get to the end game? and then go back with cards you bought or won and finish the ones u missed. it's so weird that so much of this game works this way. and i could see someone arguing that "it's just a bad game". because when most games hand you content, even side content, most players expect they should at least give the content a fair shot. it really is kinda poorly executed. but! there are so any ways to mitigate the bad and focus on the good. knowing what i know now, i like this game even more than remake (which i really REALLY love). rebirth was fuckin great. and thank fuck i didn't get spoiled, tho i never wanna hafta try n rush through a 100+ hour open world ever again. i'm really excited for part three, just hopin i can remember to skip over a lotta the optional stuff. also hoping i won't have to buy a fuckin ps6 or whatever just to play it.

[navysealt4t]

BOMBARDING U WITH NAVYSEAL HCS HERE WE GO:

they're both absolutely horrible at asking for affection but with how much time they've spent together they've both kinda learned each other's "tells". they're both awful at initiating anything (gill especially) but they both found its a little bit easier with each other.

also while actually doing anything vaguely romantic is a lil overwhelming for both of them, they look at each other CONSTANTLY. absent-mindedly at breakfast, sitting across the table from one another. in the middle of a battle, making sure the other is okay. maybe longingly from across the deck, just noticing the way the sunlight makes the other look prettier somehow. bonus points if neither of them realize they do it.

ik the "jay builds while gillion trains" is a bit but also that's straight up just parallel play. they totally use it as an excuse to just Be Around Each Other even if gill sometimes accidentally breaks jay's shit

they do each other's hair a lot (with bonus hc: hair is super super important in undersea culture and having someone else do your hair is considered a very intimate thing). idk whether or not gillion would've told jay that at any point, but the first time she asked he was just like 0/////0

they're the type of bitches to go "omg do you think he/she actually likes me though" (in a self-worth issues way) and chip's just sitting there like "YEAH????? ARENT YOU LITERALLY DATING WTF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT????"

they infodump to each other constantly sorry I don't make the rules

wavy hands HI ANON!!!!! u r so right always i love these sooo much <3333

they both infodump soo much and they just like listening to each other speak and they just silly smiling :3 jay will talk about what she read in her tinkering books and her latest project and the problem she’s try to fix while gillion talks about different undersea animals and plants and all he learned about them and a bunch of cultural things too <333 gillion will listen very intently and try to gather all the information to show he cares but ends up zoning out and think about how pretty jay is when she’s all happy <33 jay is very interested in all of gillion’s home info she love learning about it

i don’t think they really go on dates or do more traditional romantic stuff. they hang out with each other doing their separate things a lot :3 just being with or by each other is very sweet for both of them <3

they were both hopelessly oblivious before they got together . gillion would try the undersea’s methods of courting someone and jay had NO CLUE what was happening. and jay would try to flirt with gillion or hint it by holding his hand but </3 gill did not catch on. chip just watched them hopelessly.

OK I THINK HAUR IS REALLY IMPORTANT TO JAY TOO!!! hee older sister taught her who to do her hair and do braids. everything she knows about hair ava taught her <3 also . she has very frizzy and curly hair and she always had to straighten it in the navy and now she can do whatever she wants with it !!!

and hair was always important to undersea culture especially as a warrior. doing another’s hair is just SO intimate . and there’s different hairstyle the signify certain roles and achievements <333 but trusting someone enough to be vulnerable when they do your hair is SOOOO important. jay didn’t really know the significance behind the act but mann gill did. and he trusted jay so much <3 when gill told her afterwards she was very flustered :3

they hold hands <333 walking through islands and browsing stores and eating dinner and up in the crows nest <3333 they watch each others backs during fights

mmmmm i love navyseal ty ty so much anon <33333 sorry it took so long to respond hehe these are very real and i’m consuming them into my hoard of Navyseal Thoughts

[troofless]

So I read the first half of 2ha in 2 days and my reaction went from 

Wow! this looks interesting! to 

oh That guy is the ML and not the sweet bland sounding one! I’m even more interested now! to 

Damn the dynamic is so good I really love the teacher/student dynamic and imbalance in how the teacher is incredibly strong, also the hatred relationship lol esp in the ghost bride arc to 

Oh the ML has liked him all this time. Ok. Would you really love a kid romantically esp one so immature with no redeeming qualities I find that incredibly unrealistic to 

Bro the MC has liked his teacher all the time he just doesn’t recognise it ALSO he has fucked his teacher multiple times in the past that’s insane to

(The arcs start slowing down in quality after the teacher dies and they go thru a boring arc to get him back, a timeskip arc which is ok ig, and the most boring arc where they bring up the drama of an entirely different sect that I just have no interest in so idk what to put here)

So far the plot jumps from arc to arc with the style of ‘isolated problem appears, they fix it, move on to next problem’ without a very clear connection. For a while it felt fresh and new but after a while it gets stale. Maybe it has to do with the lack of descriptions of the fights, or how the resolution of the arcs most of the times end up being too quick and therefore unclear, from the Peach Blossom arc onwards. 

I knew a timeskip would occur from the very start bc age appropriate relationships bla bla but this one was really kinda flimsy if you think about it... I did like seeing the change of the MC though. Makes you think about how far he’s come and be proud at how much he’s changed. Also like how he reflects on his past years when he became mentally crazy and is shocked at the difference. 

I love the word play jokes a lot, but the Ji Ba joke especially made me laugh out loud for some time. Same for Jian Gui and Xia Si Ni. Wish they kept the MC’s sense of humour in the story but eh. Not everybody can be a Wei Wuxian 😔 Dude literally named his sword Sui Bian for the joke. 

I’m glad the author did decide to expand on the ML’s thoughts and feelings rather than keeping it onesided ‘show not tell’ situation though. It definitely helps tip the balance in favour of making me like the ship relationship. (Unlike the one in MDZS lmao who cares about that bland guy give me more Jiang Cheng). I like Xue Meng growing more and more to like Mo Ran (I just like the ‘brothers that dislike each other that repair their relationship over the years after much pain and suffering’ trope. Also Xue Meng is hilarious. 

As for Shi Mei, I legit felt bad for him bc 5 minutes after he was introduced I was hoping he wasn’t the ML because he was bland. I am Really Really hoping Shi Mei isn’t going to end up the yandere and possessive bad guy and will end up staying the nice and gentle cheerleader but so far I am already picking up bad signs. From the moment they mentioned the bad guy used water qi I knew Shi Mei was somehow going to be shafted as the bad guy so the Shi Mei/Mo Ran ship will die for sure instead of a first crush fading away kinda situation :’)

Is the story good? I guess. It was worth picking up to read. But if you asked me right now, if I would reread it again? No. 

Also, I have learnt not to read novelupdates reviews because they are full of people going ‘oH nOOO dOn’T rEAd tHiS MC iS a rapiSt das baaaad’ on literally every story, so what can I do now? And, can I say that 2ha’s full name of the husky and cat thing is very misleading and made me stay away from this book at first because I thought it was about a dog and cat that became humans? .....

Anyway I’m glad that Seven Seas is so far doing a good job of translating it and would def read Book 2 and until the teacher dies bc it’s not bad until then. Also the illustrations are pretty. Having to dig through multiple sources just to read the mess that is the unofficial translations is blergh. How did the fans even do it. How did they manage to put themselves through that torture. Why do shitty MTLs exist. Just. Why.

And one last question. If they can get an official translation for 2ha and MXTX books, SURELY they can get an official translation for Legend of Sun Knight. SURELY. 

But no one wants to read non-danmei books even though Legend of Sun Knight is superior to 2ha and MDZS in every way...

[noro-noro-noro]

toik a nap. long dreams sorry about the spelling I just goke up

- I was astrrion baldug.ate. we were having some kind of beach episode. I could breathe underwater like in fontaine and thinfs I was holdig would also be in an air pocket. we were at the beach having a beach episode and I was explorinf on my own. half destrtoued lofehpise made of stone, seemed to be frozen in time by several ghostly stakes chained out in the air floating. after speaking to the lighthouse owner it turns out we needed to find his 7 hammers to hammer the stakes in and fix the lighthouse from it's froze postiob. tthe lighthouse owner was dead also. I realized this later after findinf all the hammwrs abd hirtj g rhe takes I j had 45 seconss to enter and loot the gouse before it collapsed into the ocean. I repent 30 of these unable to get the right angle to clinb up in, but the time reset several.

- still vale to breathe underwater, with my sister, and my dad. we were on Vacay sharing the housebwith a coworker of his and her daughter and the lughtbouse keeepers son also showed up , tall lanky had light brow hair and a bit of a tan. he had a huge crush on me and was pretty cute, but unfortunately had no sense of boundaries and that was a huge turnoff dobt touch me like yoh know ne and listen when o say back off. and don't follow me around. anyway the lady whose house we were renting had a cool pool/lake I thr backyard with old trinkets in little piggy banks under the water, so me and my sister explored and sat on the bottom of the clear lake so we would t have to socialize. later to avoid the son some more I went to bedat the same time as my sister and hid behind her bed bc he seemed to resoect her space at least. I had my phone and wanted to text my friend that I was really uncomfortable with this guy following me and tlbeibg in my space - like the first thing he did after having a very flortatious into (this was okay, I'm always opeb to flattery) was I was siottjbg chilling and he came up & put his face on my thighs and wouldn't let go. so.

- a bit of a change abdnnow I was here with a bunch of people my age, friends I think? and the son was still there but they kind of excluded him. the friends were a bit weird. maybe a little sus idk. one of the friends mom was inredihly strict andbshe lived there now too. it was me and the son cleaning up after eveyobe all the time.

the area of the land we were in was huge. we liged in a little (?) modern looking house all squares and black stained wood surrounded by like .ma nature parks worth of carefully landscaped fountains and bushes and ponds with different tyoes of fish & etc etc. I could move through mirrors to teleport home but it needed to be all the way atoubd me. there was a bitnof an artsy place and apparently some had been here earlier and broken a bunch of the pieces into tiny shards, but they were tryinf to pass the rearrabted sgarfs iff their own crstiob. I realized I needed to go home for some reason and asked them to help with the mirrors - I put my hands on it for 5 seconds and then the surface was like water and I asked them to give me a boost to dive in, but somebisy take it off the wall and dragged it to the floor, but ut wasn't all the way, my feet were still connected to the ground, abd the blibd lasy art critic ir enokoyee was here abd i don't kbkw why but i needed to hide from hwr. forst she was impressed by the broken glass sculpture before realizing it was fake and re shatteribg them on the ground, making it really difficult for me to continue to hide dowb there -i was invisible due to the mirror's??? surrounding me, but I was still tangible there was glass in my palms and my clothes.

somehow my beighbors kids even tho they moved away were still my neighbor from my mom's driveway, and we showed them our pet animals and in exchabfe they showed us ..... um... not burning our house down with firreworka..?

- we went out to the libraries. there was a city weit a recwntly cobsteucted shopping center next to the college campus and we were around there when started ti realize that some of the "friends" were traitors of a sort. a few were okay and they advised me on the underwater area north of here & I'd never done the puzzles provlery, never explored the area enough, and I found the legendary weapon the mibutrbhand a golden and divine spear ib the deeos oast the cherubic gargoules and the ghosts and the ghosts and the ... whatever the second to last area cultist boss from dd2 was the guy that ends runs he's half in half out?? the bishop? the cardinal? that guy. anyway that guy was patrollinf the ground like a centaur as well . I found several other things but I was overwhelmed by the enemy and died. respawned at home, in time.

everyone was back at one of the shitty pools in the garden - this one hasn't been cleaned and was full of leaf litter , and they were just sitting g aroubd ibbthe dirty water gossiplibf. at this point I was suddenly a dude but I had to let the son down nicely bc they kept tessibg him relentless and rather mean too .

there was a huge fight. I can't be more specific - I needed to put this orb lollipop in lava while my allies held off the enemies, who were starting to melt.m and glow lava-likebthrough theit true forms. I kept trying to drop it in but tgey were hooking it back towards them it something and we were running out of time, so I had to rip the cover of ground off and shove my whole fist into the magma. tbat hurt. but it did work! everyone was more panicked though and with my good hand I shot a water spear blast at the son, who ended up not being a traitor & he looked like he was gonna grab it but fortunately it was fast enough it pushed him out of the way. jf he'd grabbed it he wohld have gravbed me and yabked me into the collapsibg lava sphere.

so it was a win in the end ! my dad & sister returned from wherever they'd disappeared to, and we suggested going on a different vacation.

[kdipshit]

Addicted ;

Am I addicted to thinking about the things I have on repeat in my head? Like is it an addiction, I guess idk how else to think, or what else to think about, it’s kind of sad. Well in better light, I’ve taken up a shit load of study, im really gonna do this writing thing. I really want to do this writing thing, I read the entire brochure of the academy I want to go to, im so happy to be intrested in something, as tedious as the learning journey can be for me, im learning how I learn the best way I can, the only way I can.

I don’t like therapy because I don’t like being told my ways of dealing with my issues are wrong, or bad, or something like that, even though I know they are, and I would be better off without them, I’m very defensive of my coping mechanisms, I take care of them, because they take care of me… in a way, I see them as taking away my primary feeling at the time, which is usually guilt, anxiety, determent, hurt, things along those lines, even just overwhelmed and feeling 100 feelings at once, my coping mechanisms are pretty good at taking away the mess and helping me to slow down, not feel it or completely ignore it. I don’t even like telling myself that they’re bad. But they are, and its not only slowing me down, but its potentially holding me back… I don’t know where I put weed on that spectrum because I know I abuse it but it helps me so much, I know I need to manage my use, I don’t want to lie. Ill try. I’m continuing to do things I don’t want to do to stay in the moment, and its hard, but I try. For me. My anti-psychs restarting to kick in and I’m getting super drowsy, I’m tired, but still hungry, might have some sugar toast lol, yes I eat sugar toast with lost of butter and idc, its all I eat lol, my sugar intake should not be legal I binge eat lollies like its popcorn, like those hard sugar lollies… I get a big bag of piñata lollies munch it like popcorn. Its a problem, i guess no lollies tomorrow either lol. I eat em when I’m BIG B WORD but once I start its like I can’t stop. No wonder I’m sick, I’m excited for this bag to be gone so I dont have to eat them anymore lmao, do you see my fat bitch mentality I have rn watch in a couple weeks ill hate food again and not eat for 5 months. Psycho. I’m gonna make some sugar toast lol. Brb

I better figure my shit out now while I’m still learning and not later on down the line when my foundation is secure, I’m sure it won’t be secure if my shit isint figured out but I have everything under control, it’s like a massive Hurd of bulls rushing towards me and I’m somehow controlling their next movements.

Certain people just take away all the pain for me, and I thank them for that, but theres heaps of other things I can do by myself that will fulfil me just as much, even more.

So I’ve come to realise I’ve got some sort of victim complex going on because why else am I still holding on so tight to things that hurt me? I need to stop feeling sorry for myself, I’ve been knowing that and like thinking about not feeling sorry for myself lmao, but to look at it fully and see I really do have a victim complex and I can’t get go of the feeling, but why should I hold on? I don’t want to guilt myself into letting go, I just want to let go, and I am, by fixing what I pushed away so many years ago, bring it to the front and figure out that fat knot in the chord, that shouldn’t even be here. Ugh, idk man. I think I’m making a lot of sense, I’m just trying to get it all out, I don’t feel sorry for myself when I look back, I see me making the right choice, every single time, whatever lead me here, to cut it off, thank you so much for bringing me here today. Im so embarrassed that it’s taken me this long, but that’s just a feeling it’ll pass, it’s not even that bad, I want to live for myself and that’s it, I’m absolutely worth it. I feel like I’ve already let it go I’m just stuck on the thoughts now lmao, I’m tripping too hard they’re just thoughts, clouds, movements, let themmmm moveeee onnnnn.

I’m totally okay with having a drink today, if the subject arises from Hayley or someone, I would love a glass of bubbles. I’m also done with going the way I have always gone, thats not the way up.

So I talked to my mum about me possibly having a drink tonight, she doesn’t think it’s a good idea, but she said if I feel like I’m in a spot where I can control how much I have, then by all means have a few drinks and enjoy yourself, but if you feel at any point it start to go down, stop. My problem is not stopping, this ripples out to me drinking as a coping mechanism and not as something fun to do with people you love, and let go. That’s what I wanna do, I wanna let go. I’m scared a beast might unleash, it’s not going to tho, because this is the good place. I’m quiet nervous tho aren’t I? I don’t want it to open up the doors for me to drink all the time. I don’t wanna do that, I just want to enjoy this one time, im aloud to. I know I am stronger and bigger than alcohol, and I can control it easily because I monitor my alcohol intake. Count my drinks? I don’t want my family to make assumptions about me if I chose the drink, I have grown and that’s not my way of thinking anymore, I guess me saying that is me judging myself, I have the full capability to live as I am, I have learnt so much and I have implemented more into my life. I’m coming at this from a different angle, i probably won’t even drink tonight who knows? But if I choose to, I choose to do it properly. Follow my mums rules and everything is fine.

I’m not going to let go of myself, I’ve got ahold of who I am and I’m not losing sight.

[creepy-feathers]

Okay y'all, I see a lot of people listing off various t-word scenes in movies/books, yet they always somehow manage to leave out my favorites?? Like does nobody know they exist or something?

Well anyway. I'm here to fix that.

There is a really good one in Love Comes Softly (the movie, idk if it's the same in the book), and I can't give a timestamp cause I haven't watched it in forever, but it's after Marty has had her baby. A short chase scene, then the magic happens.

The Vow, and oml this movie is a gold mine. A literal. Gold mine. The best ones happen within the first fifteen - twenty minutes (if I'm remembering correctly), and last several seconds. Here's a mind blower - it is openly said that Paige (the girl that receives it) likes to be tickled, so her husband does it often. I was so happy, even though my mom was in the same room, like I could barely contain the euphoric laughs I wanted to release while watching it.

Liar Liar. Yes, the Jim Carrey movie. There's a short one at some point in the beginning (again, haven't watched it in years but these scenes stay in my memory), in which a father pulls out "The Claw" and gives his son a good laugh, and right before the credits roll, it's heavily implied that tickling is happening behind the walls of the house we can no longer see.

RV, and this is pretty similar to Liar Liar, in which case a dad is shown tickling his kid - a little girl - this time. If I recall, it doesn't last more than a couple of seconds, but still cute all the same.

Pixar - A Bug's Life, Toy Story, Up, Inside Out, Ratatouille, Cars 2. If I'm leaving any out, please let me know. Most of these are brief (what one would probably expect) but I wrote them down anyway.

Disney - Jungle Book, Beauty and the Beast, Little Mermaid 3, Alice In Wonderland, Lilo & Stitch, Tarzan 1 and 2, The Rescuers: Down Under, Bridge To Terabithia, etc. This kinda bums me out, as Disney often included tickle scenes in their movies back then, but they don't anymore. At least we have nice ones to look back on!

Annihilation, and this is honestly one of my all-time favorites. There's only one, from what I remember, but it's so good! Basically Natalie Portman and her hubby are laying in bed together, and (I think?) she says some sassy remark and it prompts him to tickle her.

Coraline. So the producers actually included this scene in the trailer, and I was probably eleven the first time I saw it. The moment I did, I was urging my family "yeah, it looks like a good movie! Let's watch it!" so we did. It was awesome. Also, I will shamelessly admit that I want my own Snap Dragons.

My Little Pony. Okay, I know this isn't a movie or book, but it's still worth mentioning, most notably  "The Magic Duel", "Just For Sidekicks", and "It's About Time".

Ride the Wind by Lucia St. Claire Robinson. This book is absolutely full of beautiful tickle scenes, and if you're willing to deal with the tragedy and brutal nature of its characters' culture, you will be pleasantly surprised. My favorite one happens over the halfway mark, but there are plenty to keep you satisfied 'til then :) Just keep in mind that this story is not a light-hearted one, so if you decide to read it, prepare to sob. A lot.

Dragon Tails. This is another children's show that would showcase tickling a lot. In every other episode, I'd say - there was even one about actual tickle monsters, and one that had a flower that tickled you, so that was a gleeful time for my kid self.

This one is exceedingly random and I swear I just remember tidbits because I was like four, but there is a short scene in ‘Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer: The Movie’. I literally have no clue when, or where, or who it happens to, but I know it does happen. That was like half the reason I was so obsessed with that movie when I was little XD

Be More Chill, the recording with the original cast. It’s like a two-second scene but I swear it looks like Michael reaches over and tickles Jeremy, hence why the latter reels away the way he does. I’m unconvinced it’s anything less than that, and maybe that’s just cause I’m obsessed with the idea of Michael being a super physically affectionate (yet still mischievous) lil’ bean, but I digress. This is the video, and the timestamp is roughly 26:12. 

Little Monsters. Despite how stupid this movie may be, it was still a large portion of my childhood, and I recently went back and watched it. I rediscovered a very solid tickle scene that I somehow never recalled between Brian and his father. It was very cute and I was pleasantly surprised. It’s around the first half, I think? When Brian stays in Eric’s room the first time.

These are all I can think of at the moment, though I will probably be adding more eventually! It just annoyed me how so many great scenes were being missed out on because nobody remembered/knew about them. So here they are! I hope I informed you~

[write-like-wright]

Should you date them: Ace Attorney rival prosecutor edition

Miles Edgeworth:

depends on what Edgeworth we're talking about

absolutely do NOT date Bratworth

disrespects women

doesn't realise short people have feelings

wears that gaudy af jacket

doesn't want to date you anyways, is in a committed relationship with the law, baby

original trilogy Edgeworth is a bit harder to gauge

very emotionally constipated

generally awkward to be around

expect many unintentional staring contests

simultaneously cocky and insecure

this is the kind of a relationship you enter thinking you can "fix" him

spoiler: you can't

his fashion sense is getting better though

gotta be really buff if he walks up all those stairs to his office

you'd have to compete with a ton of other women and who wants to deal with Wendy Oldbag? scary stuff

he's probably still not all that interested in dating but is also starting to warm up to general human contact lmao

attempt to date at your own risk, though I'd advise against it (maybe casually drop hints you're a Steel Samurai fan? idk)

Chief prosecutor Edgeworth though? HELL YES, BABEY

that man has matured and gotten himself some therapy

can actually recognize human emotions!!

that new coat and the glasses?? mwah chef's kiss

a (childless) DILF

less subtle in his weebdom and who doesn't love a confident man

has lots of cool friends who'd like you

still a bit aloof so have patience

but hell yes, date, hell MARRY him idc

Franziska von Karma

Franzy is a baby but won't ever admit it

somehow even more emotionally constipated than her "little" brother

do you like strong, mean women? me too, bro

if someone is mean to you she will wreck them

absolutely walks up to the counter at McDonald's like "excuse me, you fool, they asked for no pickles"

needs gentle reminders to be polite to people

would call you by your full name all the time and it's probably more than a little weird

boy do I have good news for you if you're into BDSM

pretends not to care - cares a lot

date but also, like, go to couples counselling for a bit

Diego Armando/Godot

Diego is hot and he knows it

very, VERY cocky

like, kind of a douche but his heart is generally in the right place

tries to be macho

expect lots and lots of coffee dates... like, five a day lol

would always have coffee ready for you in the morning... afternoon... evening... 3 am... whenever you'd like it, basically

calls you kitten

calls everyone kitten though

calls Edgeworth kitten kinda hot ngl

probably kinda overprotective

very supportive, though

a bit of a himbo

probably never sleeps

date if you like hot douchey guys basically

Godot really is the ungodly cool guy with a mask

daft punk enthusiast

has many, many weird rules

more douchey than ever

would kill for you

ngl he kinda creeps me out, I wouldn't recommend it

Klavier Gavin

yes, you should date Klavier

not even a question

a literal rock star

such a nice boy

kinda questionable fashion, but he makes it work somehow

eurotrash

be ready to deal with the fangirls

would be worth it in the end

hot af

would write songs for/about you

he's probably the smoothest bitch alive

would take you on trips all the time

he's loaded, expect fancy gifts

probably spends too much time on Instagram, tho

Simon Blackquill

baby Blackquill is 100% boyfriend material

what a nice young man

weeb deep respect for the Japanese culture

honorable intentions

would treat you so well

breaks up with you without an explanation one day and disappears for like, 10 years

AA5 and onwards Blackquill is... an interesting one

listens almost exclusively to traditional Japanese music and My Chemical Romance

probably has a hard time adjusting to life outside

needs lots and lots of therapy

kinda scary at times

would probably need discipline and rules in his day to day life after everything

like, set his bedtime or something

can be a jerk and tease you affectionately

can also be a jerk in general, please tell him off, he's scaring the wendy's drive-through employee

go bird watching with him

I would date him but I understand why you wouldn't

he's hot

Nahyuta Sahdmadhi

gorgeous, dahling

a literal disney prince

tries to impress you with his knowledge of your culture and it's both endearing and embarrassing

what's crackalackin homies = how do you do fellow kids

massive foodie

kinda ranty tho

can go for 8 hours straight

unfortunately, i'm talking about sermons

can be pretty insensitive at times

spends a lot of time with his partnered detective, kinda sus

at the very least date him to steal his haircare products

Barok van Zieks

what a scandalous man

have you seen those curves

more breast and thigh than a bucket of kfc

built like an avenger

very hot

probably unaware of it, though

what are emotions

family man

spends too much on "wine"

you suspect he may be a vampire

incredibly meticulous

condescending

openly racist

like, date him after years of therapy and several racial/cultural sensitivity workshops or something

in the meantime flash him your ankle to test the waters if you're feeling extra saucy

Bonus: Kazuma Asogi

*smacks him* this bad boy can fit so much emotional trauma inside

literally good at everything

stumbles over his words at times, though

hypes you up so much for the lamest of reasons

confident boy

so hot-headed

goes from 0 to 100 and back in a matter of seconds

very honorable

do NOT doubt his ability to get you off or he'll make you choke on it

cute laugh

if you say you wouldn't date him you're lying to yourself and even worse you're lying to me i'm so sorry for looking at your boyfriend ryuu

[anonymous-dentist]

Hi! I love your fic ''You're Dead'' but I saw your post about not updateing it/turning it into an original piece. As much as I'd love to read it w/ original characters, I'm also very attached to yd!karlnapity :'3 So I wondered - it's due to Dream allegations right? Idk too much (I saw some stuff on twt about it but there were so many re-tellings I'm not sure what is true) but if the allegations turn out false, will you continue the piece? Or maybe I don't know something and it's all been proven true?

(Here’s what I say as of 8:24 a.m. on the 19 of October:)

At this point I legitimately don’t know what’s true and what’s not. What I do know comes right from Dream’s Twitlonger. He did some weird messaging with fans, and- even if they weren’t minors- that’s really freaky. Shitty, even.

This isn’t my first rodeo with this kind of thing. I was an Achievement Hunter and Funhaus fan back in 2020. I also know to always believe the victim and to not believe, say, random fucking people saying things and then immediately leaving.

I’ve never liked Dream. It’s never been a secret. I’ve never watched any of his videos besides the face reveal and I’ve never watched any of his streams because I’ve never liked him. I’ve never defended him outside of saying he isn’t ugly. All the stuff he’s done in the past has been horrible. I firmly believe that you can grow as a person (I know it firsthand), and I’ve always been able to separate art from artist as you can tell by c!Dream being in my fics, but at this point it’s legit just too much. Because even if the allegations are true, the way he handled this plus the Manatreed situation earlier this year plus him, again, admitting to sending weird and very parasocial messages to fans just makes everything he’s touched tainted.

You’re Dead won’t be continued. I have cried over this. It isn’t the most important thing in the world, and the priority here should be with the victim(s?), but it still hit hard yesterday when I realized I’ll never be able to finish my fic.

Even if I was to play devil’s advocate here, I’d say that he’s still too gross. Dream’s character was going to die in the end, anyway, but I’d still have to write and include him in the second half of the fic, and I’m. Not doing that. So it can never be continued even if the allegations are somehow false. It sucks and I’m heartbroken. There, I said it, but it isn’t worth hours and hours of seeing his name there. He doesn’t deserve even a single hit on the Google search bar.

But! I really like the new concepts I have for You’re Dead: the Remake. It’s tighter and more focused while making adjustments to the characters that bring them to life in new ways and allow them to act like total fucking freaks all of the time (because tbh they were super ooc for a fanfic.) There were a lot of plot threads in YD I don’t think I could have ever successfully concluded in a satisfying way. Things were jumbled and messy and, honestly, pretty bad. But now I can fix it and make it actually good!

If the allegations are somehow false and other creators ditch the asshole motherfucker piece of shit, maybe I’ll be able to write about their characters in peace. Maybe. Karlnapity are so fucking important to me, you don’t understand. But the way things are looking based on what I saw on Karl’s stream last night and by how silent twitter has been on the subject… it’s not looking too good.

[oh-boy-me]

I just read both the australia and museum post and the chaos levels are top tier, but like imagine the chaos that ensues if lord diavolo discovers about amusment parks and immediately just buys tickets to disneyland. Lucifer is basically the dad trying not to loose his children(lord diavolo included). Lord diavolo wanting to ride a loopy rollercoaster and just having the time of his life! (Also I highkey see diavolo ordering lucifer to make a disneyland in devildom tbh) Also mouse ear headbands!

This..... this took forever

Hey there anon!  Sorry it took literally a year to answer this!  If you’re still into Obey Me, I hope this was a pleasant surprise.

Also for the first time ever a scenario post is being put under the cut for length purposes.  This scenario is 2.6k words Jesus

Please note that the last time I went to Disney was in 2015, so anything that’s newer than that is taken from the extensive reading of Disney advice blogs I read in preparation for this post.  Anything older than that is likely from experience.

Also, I tried my best to keep this spoiler free for the attractions that can be affected by it.

--

So the Devildom DOES have the concept of amusement parks.  I slept on this ask for so long that we’ve learned about Devil’s Coast.  It seems to be more akin to a smaller-scale theme park, though.  Small-ish.  I’m used to NYC idk what constitutes as small.

Something like Disney World is on such a larger scale!!  When Diavolo heard about that, he knew they had to go.

They are going to Disney World in Orlando because it’s the only one I’ve been to.

Lucifer is REALLY getting tired of these field trips, but there would be no weird animals, and there would be no sobering lessons on global extinction events at a family-friendly amusement park.  He.  He can handle this.

Solomon has actually been banned from all Walt Disney theme parks.  We’re talking blacklist-level banned.  He’s barred from ever entering any Disney park ever again.  However, this was back in 1976, so this must be, like, his son or something, right?  There’s no way this is the same guy.  Thought the security guard who let him in.

What did Solomon do to get banned?  When asked, he only gave a curious hum.  “Yeah, I wonder.”

The place is split into four parks, so they’ll spend one day in each.

Barbatos continued to flex his power as the only one in the group with a brain cell, being sure to get them all fast passes.  He even set time back just for the passes while they were booking the rides they wanted to cut the lines for, so if they don’t get used he’s going to be very snippy.

Also for convenience sake this is taking place in an AU where everything is the same but COVID doesn’t exist to shut down some rides and attractions.

Day 1: Hollywood Studios

MC and Simeon basically have to coerce Lucifer into letting everyone run free instead of making them all line up with a walking rope all day.  He relents on the condition that everyone checks in periodically so he can at least know they haven’t killed anyone.

Nobody will check in except for maybe Beelzebub and those at Purgatory Hall.

Levi immediately gathered his fellow Star Wars fans (which basically meant calling over Mammon Belphie and Asmo and then pulling in two unsuspecting people suddenly given the title of “Star Wars fan”), and made a beeline for Galaxy’s Edge.  There’s a LOT to do there and damn it if he wasn’t going to hit all of it.

First up for their group is the interactive Millennium Falcon Smuggler’s Run.  They fail the mission.  Levi’s pretty pissed, but everyone agrees that it was fun nonetheless.  They really felt like they were doing a mission in the Falcon!  Plus, the gameplay element was totally up the alley of most of this group.  Simeon does feel a little nauseous from Luke’s jerky steering, though.

Did you know that Diavolo loves Toy Story?  He does.  He’s very much enjoying the Slinky roller coaster with Barbatos.

Barbatos would rather be spending time at the shows and performances, but oh no god forbid we don’t get an autograph from Doc McStuffins.  Lucifer please come find him and save him.

Lucifer somehow wandered into the Frozen Sing-Along Celebration.  He wants out.  Barbatos please come find him and save him.

In general, Lucifer isn’t a fan of these sorts of places, so honestly he’s just hiding from the others and waiting for today to be over.  Barbatos told him that there are parks that don’t revolve around rides and characters, and he’s holding out for those.

Luckily for them Diavolo wants to do LITERALLY everything, and that does include the shows, so Barbatos and Lucifer can have at least some fun today

Levi, Asmo, and Beel are about to start their relay for getting character autographs when Satan shows up out of nowhere and starts dragging everyone over to the Tower of Terror.  Solomon bars all attempts to flee on a certain Avatar of Greed’s side.

The line to the Tower is so long, and honestly?  Satan feels like the ride didn’t live up to the literal hour they waited to get on.  Like yeah it was fun, but way too short.

He voices those thoughts, and Levi, who Satan knows is afraid of heights, is pretty fucking livid and drags him to Rock n Rollercoaster as revenge.  Satan hates roller coasters.

As for the others, Asmo and Luke have a lot of fun on the thrill rides.  Mammon and Simeon do not.  Beel is a little spooked by them but still manages to have fun, while Belphie and Solomon think they’re alright.

Eventually, Simeon gets too sick to move, and they assign him to Luke.  They say it’s because he’s too short to ride some of the rides (even though he’s literally not, screw you guys.)

Barbatos messes with time a lil bit so they can enjoy the Fantasmic Show and Fireworks to wrap the day up.

Levi is very jealous of Diavolo’s Doc McStuffins autograph.  Somehow Asmo has Buzz Lightyear’s number.

Day 2: Animal Kingdom

Satan is vibrating

He literally instantly sprints to the Kilimanjaro Safari.  And good for him; that’s something best done while the sun isn’t high up.  The whole gang actually agrees to check that one out, and while Satan isn’t thrilled to be within 50 feet of Lucifer, he’s glad Simeon is there because he remembers how his presence lured animals out in Australia.

Simeon also finds himself pulled along the trails by Satan and parents watch in horror as a gorilla gives him a friendly pat on the back.

If you didn’t know, Animal Kingdom is divided into the two continents of Asia and Africa, as well as the secret eighth continent Avatar (2009).  Diavolo heard great things about the Flight of Passage ride, but he totally forgot to tell Barbatos about it, so they’re stuck on a three hour wait line now.

Levi takes Luke on the Everest roller coaster because Simeon saw it in the distance and looked like he was about to cry.  Levi wouldn’t shut up about how the yeti effect needs to be fixed and Solomon had to explain that the effect literally couldn’t support itself.

Simeon, having escaped a roller coaster for the first and only time on this trip, grabs lunch with Lucifer and Solomon and they enjoy the Lion King performance together.  Solomon’s the only one of them who’s seen the movie, but the others still found it fun.  Solomon keeps making up random plot points that don’t exist, though.  Remember when Simba was captured by pirates?

Mammon found the Bugs Life show very scary.  Normally Asmo would laugh at him, but he’s afraid of any bug he’s never seen before and at least Mammon was afraid of the things that were supposed to get you.  They agree that bugs are still not their friends.

Satan has many things to say about the Dinosaur ride and most of them aren’t good.  Belphie thought it was pretty ok, though.  Lucifer can’t believe there was a sobering lesson on a global extinction event at this family-friendly amusement park.

Diavolo is still in line.  Barbatos abandons him.  He accompanies Luke to the kiddie fossil thing and actually finds it more tolerable.  Oh yeah that’s the other secret ninth continent, Dinoland.

Beel and Belphie spend most of the day together at the various petting zoos.  Belphie comes back knowing more than he ever wanted to about conservation.  He thought Rafiki’s Planet Watch was going to be about watching other planets, not this one!

Asmo gets very interested in the costumes of the performers, as well as the parrots in the bird show.  He could probably make some really colorful designs with those as inspiration.

Nearby, Mammon runs into Kevin and squawks in surprise.  The zoo staff spend the next two hours trying to find the bird that escaped.

Diavolo says the ride was worth it, don’t worry.

Honestly this park has a lot of stuff that wouldn’t translate well to a funny scenario post so this part might be a little short compared to the others.  I can only talk about a zoo for so long.

Anyone remember the Honey I Shrunk the Kids 4D show?  Apparently it closed in 2016 to make room for more Star Wars stuff.

Anyway, at the center of it all there’s the Tree of Life, which is really pretty all day.  Lucifer is thrilled to have a decently obvious meet-up place, too.  They get to catch the brief awakening show at night.

They’re very bummed to learn the Rivers of Light show isn’t happening anymore, so Levi pulls it up on his phone so they can watch it in spirit.

Then Satan learns about the Wilderness Explorers badges and the others spend the rest of the time preventing too much collateral damage over the fact that nobody told him.

Day 3: Epcot

Finally, Lucifer thinks.  Boo, Luke thinks.

Beel didn’t expect this park to be that interesting to him (he’s much more into the wonder and immersion of Hollywood Studios and Magic Kingdom), but then he learned about the restaurants.  China, Norway, France, Mexico, Germany, Morocco, Italy, Japan, Canada--Canada?  Huh.  Canada.  There’s so many different restaurants from so many cuisines to try, and yeah he knows that it’s definitely not the same as going to the place and it’s overpriced (sorry Lucifer), but it’s all right there.  He makes certain to take MC on a deluxe Epcot restaurant tour.

Oh yeah MC.  That’s the first time we’ve heard from them in a while.  They’re doing whatever you want them to I guess.

Levi buys so much from the Japanese gift shops that he has to go back to the hotel for a bit to drop his bags off.

Satan and Diavolo aren’t much better, but their stashes are more varied.

Also, Diavolo found Mouse Gear, and bought everyone a pair of ears.  Lucifer says that everyone has to keep them on because it’s what Lord Diavolo wants, but he is by far the most upset about them.  Mammon snaps a picture and Lucifer throws his DDD into the lake.

Asmo and Belphie decide they’re gonna take it easy this day, and they nab Solomon and Barbatos for some exhibition hopping.

Luke finds Mission Space and please father no Simeon thought he was safe he thought he was safe here no please

Aside from that, though, Luke honestly finds this part of the park boring.  He’d have been more interested in these attractions elsewhere, but as a kid he’s in Disney for roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.

Simeon is very grateful that Luke doesn’t have much that he wants to do, because it means that he can enjoy the Gran Fiesta and Living with the Land boat rides and have a single moment where he doesn’t feel like he’s about to be sick.  He’s not even afraid of the rides; he just gets motion sick easily.

Asmo makes sure to see the Chinese acrobat show, and Mammon catches that with the show-hopping gang since there isn’t much he wants to do here either.

Epcot has alcohol and Solomon hasn’t been able to drink in ages so he really wants to spend some time doing that with MC.  No demons allowed, thank you very much.  He doesn’t hold his liquor as well as he’d like you to believe, but he just gets really talkative when drunk so it’s ok.

Epcot is a nice day to take a breather and Lucifer and Barbatos definitely needed a breather before tomorrow.

Day 4: Magic Kingdom

This is the day Diavolo has been waiting for.  The crème de la crop, the best park for kids and kids in a future king of the Devildom’s body.

Also I feel like now is a good time to mention that this probably isn’t a reasonable order of events because I don’t remember the map layout of these places idk Disney city planning

This time.  This time, Levi, Asmo and Beel are gonna get those autographs, dammit.  Levi doesn’t even know who half of these characters are but hell if he’s not getting their autograph.

Mammon actually really loves the mascots too, but he’s embarrassed about it so he’ll only try to get one if he can use the guise of MC wanting one.  MC, please help him out

Belphie isn’t big on rides, but he does have a soft spot for the more retro ones like Dumbo and Seven Dwarves.  And like I said before, Beel loves Magic Kingdom for its wonder.  So Belphie is perfectly happy being led (read: piggybacked) around by Beel today, because their favorite attractions match up pretty well here.

Actually, Beel’s favorite Disney movie is Lilo and Stitch, but.  RIP Stitch’s Great Escape ride 2004-2018

Diavolo and Lucifer take a moment to enjoy the Carousel of Progress, and they reflect on how much the Human World is always changing and how much about it they still don’t know.  It really does make them think, like.  Grandma found the VR games at Christmas!  The Devildom doesn’t have grandmas!

Mammon is terrified of the Haunted Mansion ride, and Satan has literally never felt so much schadenfreude in his life.

Mammon’s afraid of most rides to be fair, but he likes water rides, so Levi eventually takes pity on him and they go on Splash Mountain together more than once.

The Peter Pan ride broke down

Luke wanted to go on Space Mountain and Simeon was the only one around, so.  RIP Simeon ????-2021

Diavolo was That Guy.  If you know, you know.

Beel accidentally spun the teacups way too fast.  Not even Solomon got out of that one unscathed.

Following that, Solomon manages to drag Barbatos onto the Jungle Cruise while Lucifer is busy.  What is Lucifer busy with?  Riding the Buzz Lightyear shooting ride over and over until he hits every single target and gets a perfect score at a Disney ride, something that is normal to want and possible to achieve.  Anyway, Barbatos finds it really charming and Solomon finds it a nice break that he didn’t know he needed.

While looking for a food place that sells water for a reasonable price, a kid runs up to Asmo asking for a picture and autograph.  He’s kind of confused, but goes along with it to make the kid happy.

Turns out, Asmo’s so naturally charming that they mistook him for a prince.  Other groups see that family and follow suit.  Mammon eventually catches wind of it and shows up to charge a fee.  The parents are pretty sure Disney doesn’t charge fees like that, but their kids really want a pic with Asmo so they hand over the two bucks.  (“Oh it’s so low” come on Mammon’s not a dick to children.)

And that’s the story of how Mammon and Asmo ended up in Disney Jail.  You’re very much not allowed to pretend to be a cast member and then charge money for it.  Lucifer has to bail them out as their “guardian,” and as punishment they aren’t allowed to opt out of It’s a Small World.

Small World isn’t that bad imho, and those like Diavolo, Satan, Simeon, and Levi would like it a lot.  But Lucifer has been playing parent all day, Belphie does not like the noise, and Solomon has literally been on this ride at least fifty times.  Very mixed feelings on this one, but it feels fitting to end with that and a fireworks show.

All in all though this wasn’t the worst trip Lucifer’s been on (cue everyone applauding for some reason).

Barbatos by far had the least fun of them all because for four days he was stuck in a park where the mascot is a fucking rodent and he wasn’t allowed to annihilate Mickey Mouse where he stood

“Disneyland Devildom when” “Lord Diavolo, no”

Masterlist

[black-coffee-and-sugar]

Fair warning: it's a long post. Let's examine some of the reasons that Kara has cited why she didn't tell Lena the super secret:

1. She wanted to protect her

Now, this one has some legs on it as Kara specifically mentions it in S3 during a conversation with James and Mon-El. And there's definitely some truth to it. But it's also bullshit. Lena was in constant danger and put herself at risk to save/protect Kara who didn't actually need it. In fact, the first time Lena's mentioned (not shown just mentioned) it's in regards to the venture explosion - something that happened because Lex was trying to kill her. People have been trying to kill, kidnap, manipulate, threaten Lena since minute one. Knowing Kara = SG would not have severely worsened any of that. In fact, it might've helped ease Lena's anxieties and resulted in her taking less risks with her life. In fact, I'm surprised Lena didn't think that Kara's association with her was putting Kara at risk (a far more likely thing).

The 100th episode addresses this to some degree in one of the AUs. Lena tells Kara that she wouldn't have had to risk her life dealing with Sam/Reign alone if she'd known the truth and she's absolutely right. And sure, Lena could've told SG and the DEO when she pieced Reign = Sam together but ask yourself, why would she? What assurance did she have that the DEO would not have treated her BEST FRIEND like a hostile instead of someone in need of help? The DEO is guilty of this and they have a history of locking up aliens indefinitely and on occassion straight up murder. After Reign nearly killed their biggest asset (i.e. SG) why in the hell would Lena trust them with helping Sam? She wouldn't nor should she have. She didn't know that she could go to SG because remember, Lena doesn't think of her the same way she does of Kara. SG is not her best friend. She doesn't have a personal, humanized relationship with her (at least not that she knows of). And obviously she's not going to tell Kara the human reporter with the DEO agent sister about it either. And the kryptonite? SG lost her shit over it even though she's been working with the DEO who stockpiled the stuff until SM left with it (a dumbass move that would've bit them so hard in the ass with the WK situation if it weren't for Lena's kryptonite!). Plus, Kara didn't have an issue with Oliver having a kryptonite arrow, J'onn having a sword. But Lena? How dare she!

So yea no. I get that "I kept my secret to protect you" is a popular thing in the hero world but in the case of Kara and Lena, it doesn't make sense and it did make situations unnecessarily harder.

2. She didn't trust Lena

This is mentioned by Kara to William in a deleted scene from S5 but I think it's worth exploring. I'm not sure to what extent Kara means with this but it could be referring to the moments as SG where she did display a distrust of Lena's intentions and she used Lena's personal relationships against her (i.e. asking James to break into Lena's lab). I mentioned the S3 shitshow with the kryptonite which is where a lot of this started but there's also other scenes in that same season where SG pretty much calls into question the so-called trust she has in Lena despite claiming otherwise. The switch was so abrupt the minute she learned Lena not only had but knew how to make kryptonite. Did anyone ever consider why Lena would bother learning how to make kryptonite? I'd hazard a guess that it was something she was looking into even before Sam/Reign. I think she happened to find Lex's stock and she decided to learn how it works and why it affects the Supers like it does. That would explain how Lena seems to be the ONLY ONE able to make an anti-kryptonite suit and other viable forms of the rock (i.e. Harun el). But no, SG and others immediately jump to the worst conclusions and associate the endeavour with Lena's last name, something SG KNOWS Lena is sensitive about it. And then the harun el. SG was suddenly fine with Lena making it when it was to split Sam from Reign and save Argo from extinction. But when it was used for something else that Lena didn't clue her in on (and what do you know, Alex, Brainy and James didn't either and they KNEW what Lena was doing with it) she got back on her high horse and the distrust became front and centre. You can't trust Lena as Kara and then immediately distrust her as SG and expect her to be accepting of this dichotomy. I'm surprised the woman managed to retain her sanity.

And still, this reasoning doesn't quite hit the mark in comparison to every other insistence of Kara believing in Lena (from day one she even told Clark that she believed Lena after meeting her for the first time). But the contrasting opinions and actions must have given Lena pause. I don't blame her to call into question which version of the truth was real and choosing to believe the worst. It's what SG and the SFs have been doing to her.

3. She was wary of Lena

This isn't an explicitly given reason but I do think it's how the secret keeping started in S2. Frankly, I don't even blame Kara for not showing her full deck in the beginning because she (and even us as an audience) didn't know much about Lena beyond wanting to do good and not be like her family. So no, Kara not telling Lena in the beginning actually makes sense to me (though she told Nia in a split second but that's neither here nor there). For me, I started to seriously take Lena at her word after the Medusa episode. That would've been the perfect opportunity for her to show the true "xenophobic" colours some parts of the fandom accuse her of having and she didn't do it. I don't think she even got so much as a thank you for it. People praise SM for getting Lex arrested but ultimately it was Lena's testimony that got him thrown behind bars. Same thing with Lillian! And yes, the daxamite invasion was facilitated by Lena unwittingly working with Rhea but she fixed it with the lead dispersal bomb, a device she allowed SG the privilege of using or not. So Kara and the SFs being cautious about Lena really should've evaporated halfway through S2 (and it did for Kara at least). In fact, the daxamite invasion may not have happened if Lena knew exactly who Rhea was and her relation to Mon-El because they would've warned Lena about it. Lena did want Kara's advice on Rhea and she would've waited for it if she knew what was going on (i.e. Alex being held hostage) and hell, might've been able to fix it in typical Lena ex machina fashion.

4. She didn't want to lose her

This is probably as close to the truth as we've gotten and it's actually part of her confession in 5x01 (something her outburst in 5x19 tries to undo). But the thing is, Kara KNEW this was a possibility and yet, continued walking towards the deadly cliff with her eyes wide open. The probability of losing Lena got higher and higher as time went on and it was always inevitable. There was always this spotlight placed on Kara telling Lena or Lena finding out on her own but there was always a HUGE chance that Lillian would've told her. Or Lex, which is exactly what happened. And Kara knew that they knew and yet she did nothing about it. The minute kara found out Lillian knew she should've taken action, what guarantee did she have that Lillian wouldn't have gotten bored of waiting for Lena to piece it together? How can they just leave Lillian with dangerous knowledge like that is beyond me. When Alex in particular has made such a big deal about people knowing, didn't want Kara telling Lena, only allowed Kara to tell Lucy to save J'onn and yet, letting Lillian amble about with this info is okay??? Nothing was stopping her from telling Lena or it slipping during one their chess games and definitely nothing stopping Lex from dropping that bomb.

The 100th episode AUs showed us that each time it was Kara telling the truth, no matter how hurt and upset Lena rightfully was, she was ultimately fine with it. And Kara ends up losing her to death, not because Lena walked away. How this wasn't the takeaway message for Kara after that adventure, idk. It was Kara's hesitatancy in telling Lena that allowed Lex to weaponize this secret and twist it into something it never was. And yes, Kara doesn't owe a damn soul her secret and has rarely ever been given the chance to tell anyone on her own terms (James - told by SM, Alex, J'onn, Brainy, Mon-El, the Legion - always knew, Lex & Lillian, Lord & Cat - found out somehow). She only ever got to tell Winn, Lucy and Nia and I'm sorry but none of those people have ever proven themselves trustworthy at the time of the reveal the way Lena has.

So while Kara is every right to keep her secrets, she was wrong to insert herself in Lena's life if she never had any intention of telling her and let's be honest, it really didn't seem like Kara had any timeline on that front.

5. She was selfish

Similar to the above and also mentioned during the confession but this is even deeper. Lena was something of an outlet for Kara, a way to feel completely normal, something she hasn't been able to experience with anyone, even Mon-El. Can you imagine being a cub reporter who knows powerful CEO Lena Luthor and having said CEO choose to spend time with you? Choose to let you interview her when she's wary of the press (remember her interactions with Clark in 2x01 and her family history)? Choose to treat your problems as important and valid and human? I don't blame Kara at all for being selfish with Lena, for wanting to keep Lena all to herself like that. But to not share the other aspects of herself was seriously wrong too and resulted in this imbalance in their relationship. To Lena, it looks like she was giving all of herself when Kara was not. It looks like she put all her trust and vulnerabilities out there when Kara didn't. It looks like Kara was using her (which let's be real, she kinda did a few times in S2 with the fight club and bs article to get info on Lillian and then ofc the CatCo-Edge problem she visited Lena for after ignoring her and proceeding to continue the rejection after Lena said she'd look into it).

You think post-reveal Lena didn't think back to all those moments and have those kinda thoughts? Even called into question what might've been the real reason James dated her and Kara was so insistent on befriending her? Were there perhaps times were she figured it out and can't remember and what's why she chose not to see it? Why do we think she still showed up game night in 4x22 instead of confronting Kara? Because these thoughts amongst others must've been swarming her mind and the only way to keep the upper hand is to continue playing dumb. So yes, Kara made the conscious decision to be selfish with Lena because of the unexpected connection they forged and I get it totally. But Lena has never been selfish and she's always made hard efforts to be a damn good friend (and she was idc what others might think on that) and open herself up to Kara despite how difficult and frankly foreign that is for her.

So are Kara's reasons valid? To a point, I would say yes but their validity waned over the seasons to the point where the secret keeping didn't even make sense anymore.

So was Lena's anger valid? Yes! 100% it was and honestly, I'm surprised she managed to keep it together for so long. I couldn't. But her anger doesn't justify her actions (mind control, manipulating Kara, threatening Russell, holding J'onn's bro captive, putting Hope inside Eve) and how she went out of her way to hurt Kara back. However, I get why she did it though it's worth pointing out that this is the only instances of a betrayal in her life where Lena has gone this far. Bitch straight up spiralled where previously she would cut ties and move the fuck on with life. But with Kara, that doesn't even seem to manifest itself to Lena as an option. Will the show ever address the obvious WHY for this and for Kara being so so terrified of losing Lena (like honestly I have never seen Kara look more distressed).

Maybe, maybe not but regardless I'm not buying this platonic friends nonsense because no one is that devastated over a friendship. Many of us (myself included) have experienced falling outs with very close friends and breakups. Which one do you think the Kara/Lena rift in S5 felt like? It was full on heartbreak, loving someone in complete torment and not being able to stop despite wanting to because even though it's painful, the alternative is infinitely worse.

MB and KM's acting choices aside, these idiot showrunners have brought us to this point with their own narrative and the only logical next step is to make them canon.

Lol okay I'm done.

[galacticlamps]

im sorry im sorry im sorry i know it’s been well over a year but i accidentally thought about Short Trips: Deleted Scenes (again) and it’s killing me (again) so i think im just gonna go ahead and post all these stupid thoughts that have been plaguing me about it since i first heard it & maybe that’ll help clear up some space in my head for like, real life things.

Spoilers I guess? It’s like a year and a half old but also high key the most recent 2nd doctor content i believe we’ve gotten which is like, the only negative thing I can say about it

The TLDR version is this:

I literally cant believe how sweet it is? Painful, but sweet. Like. I don’t honestly know what’s more likely - did they set out to write Jamie a nice little straight love interest and just fail miserably at it by constantly likening her to the Doctor AND paralleling the Doctor’s perspective with her ex’s AND putting Jamie’s relationships with both of them in direct tension with each other while constantly letting his with the Doctor win out?

OR - did they do a very 1960s thing and say hey we’re gonna write what’s essentially a story about how much Jamie and the Doctor love each other and release it on Valentine’s Day thinly disguised as a one-off romance with a french lady?

Now, as a general rule, my attitude toward questions like that is usually “don’t know, don’t care, doesn’t matter” - and while I 100% stand by that, I also have to admit that this particular audio seems to pay enough attention to detail that I’d kind of think I was selling it short if I assumed too many of these things were just meaningless coincidences, you know?

Anyway, that’s the most coherent/overarching thought. And here’s a disorganized list of things I absolutely cannot get over about it (they don’t form any kind of argument, mind, they just all happen to live rent free in my head):

- Celine is first taken in by Jamie being an idiot (specifically him claiming not to speak French, in perfect French); likewise, her entrance in the scene where they actually kiss is marked with a little anecdote about her hat getting stuck on a doornail and her scolding it as she attempts to fix her un-tameable appearance, and the narration says Celine “would often clown for Jamie like this” - all of which, while undeniably adorable, don’t exactly strike me as entirely original traits to have been assigned to Jamie’s love-interest (but also Celine is so cool and her perspective on film/media/time is an excellent addition to the long list of dr who characters)

- When they’re in the present, describing Jamie’s relationship with Celine in 1908, they call him her “companion” and highlight his going nearly everywhere with her, which earns a laugh from the 4th doctor (and me as well, though probably for slightly different reasons - but like, is that really all it takes to have a fling with someone in 60′s era who? bc if so...)

- Celine’s ex-fiance is still in love with her and is jealously watching when she kisses Jamie ... and then the Doctor appears beside him, evidently doing the exact. same. thing. They have the following conversation:

“You know, it’s not prudent to spy on people. But then, people in pain can’t be expected to act prudently.”

“Pain, monsieur? You mistake me.”

“Ah, do I? Good, because I rather thought you’d lost something.”

“What would you know about loss monsieur?”

- I’m sorry doc but who do you think you are, saying stuff like that and smiling sadly at the floor to boot? I 100% had to pause it here the first time I listened, just to not throw my laptop across the room. 

- Then when I recovered continued, the Doctor closes the door so they can’t watch anymore and explains “Possessing things comes so terribly easily to some men that losing them can feel cruel, intolerably cruel. In my experience, only the very best of men cannot be tempted to answer that cruelty with more - I do sincerely hope that you are the best of men.” (guess who gets described as the best of men by the end of the audio?)

- Jamie and the Doctor apparently develop a habit of walking along the river in Paris in silence

- During one such walk, Jamie suggests Celine come with them since she already figured out about the Tardis - and when the Doctor’s worried by this, he says he only allowed Jamie & Celine to grow closer “because of Victoria.” Jamie takes offense at the ‘allowing it’ comment and also refuses to admit he knows what the Doctor means about Victoria, which leads the Doctor to say that he knows how fond Jamie was of her - he was too, of course, but with him, “it was different, wasn’t it?” Jamie only says maybe that’s true and maybe that’s not, but his voice catches until he changes the subject

- Jamie doesn’t see Celine for days both times that she’s recovering from the shock and depression of her work being destroyed. In contrast, when the Doctor’s not well, Jamie’s "afraid” and “guilty” and hardly seems to leave his side at all, if his being there “rushing to embrace him” the second he wakes up - after a period Jamie describes as “at least a week” - is anything to go by, anyway. so either bf writers need to learn how to write a committed straight relationship or admit that’s not what they ever intended in the first place

- Oh yeah, and the Doctor spends that week "asleep” in Jamie’s bedroom - no, there’s no explanation as to if that’s where he was when he first collapsed or if it’s where Jamie decided to take him bc why would they feel the need to explain him being there? why was it even relevant to tell us it was Jamie’s room in the first place?

- The Doctor somehow manages to control the Tardis enough to take Celine on one trip to an alien planet and then return to the correct time & place for her to use the footage she recorded there in her new film - and while the audio doesn’t do very much to explain how that was possible, it does treat this as A Pretty Big Deal, and immediately afterward the Doctor has to spend a week communing with his past self (and/or the Tardis?) debating how likely it is that the Time Lords could use this to trace him. When he decides it’s not worth the risk and they have to stop the film from ever being shown to the public, Jamie asks why he agreed to it in the first place, and all he can say is “Because, Jamie, you asked me to!” earning awkward stares from the crowd.

- Oh, but, lest we forget, that little outburst is also immediately followed by him putting his arm around Jamie’s shoulders, and, shockingly, apparently beginning to actually explain the truth about the danger from the Time Lords - until they’re interrupted, of course idk why exactly but the idea of a 60s dr wanting to come clean with a companion but not being allowed to bc the show demands the war games be something of a reveal hurts me in a very good way

- The mental image of “the Doctor and Jamie, resplendent in borrowed evening wear”

- The audio admitting that Jamie’s not very good at subterfuge, and the Doctor asking if he’s going to be alright with them having to steal the film back from Celine - and Jamie’s little “Aye, Doctor” as he feels a ‘glass arrow piercing his chest’ glad to see bf is reading all my letters about exactly how i feel any time something sad happens to james robert mccrimmon

- The Doctor’s anxious to get out of there for obvious reasons, but he hangs around bc Jamie wants to see Celine again - which doesn’t happen, because of her aforementioned shock & depression, but she does leave Jamie a note that ends “you and that Doctor of yours - look after him Jamie, he loves you dearly, as do I.” yeah, if you didn’t want people to draw a parallel there, you could’ve picked, like, any other wording in the world.

- In case you weren’t fully convinced I’ve been reading too much into this whole audio already, consider this: Celine dies in Long Island in 1968, three days before her birthday - 1968 is when this story would’ve taken place in the show’s history (between Fury & Wheel), and dying three days before/after a birthday in America seems a bit... well I had some deja vu from it, anyway

- Four of all people being the one to bring back the film - I know he does it bc Sarah Jane makes him, but personally, I often feel like despite the length of his run, 4 is the Doctor with which we might’ve gotten the fewest glimpses into his interiority, so the fact that it’s him and not one of the more overtly sentimental Doctors makes it feel like it carries even more weight somehow, to me anyway. I think I wrote a post saying roughly the same thing about 4 & Fate of Krelos/Return to Telos but maybe I only did that inside my own head lol. Still, I’m all for any opportunities for Jamie to be one of the few characters to draw some noticeable emotion out of Four, but in fairness I haven’t touched too much of his EU stuff to really be able to compare the frequency with which this happens with other past companions

- Is Four referring to Two or Jamie when he says he got the film from “an old family friend”? Two did the actual stealing, but he probably means Jamie’s involvement - either way, it’s an interesting way of describing old companions - or selves?

- When Jemima goes to call Jamie a thief, Four is “roused” to defend him: “he really was the very best of men” again, any time four freely shows he cares about someone, im over the moon about it

- Oh ha ha, there’s an audio called “Deleted Scenes” featuring the Doctor who’s most affected by junked episodes. And at the end of it, a character who’s spent her life researching and lecturing about a lost film gets to watch it be ‘rediscovered’ after it’s gone unseen for decades. I feel marginally less stupid for reading into the other details of a story like this when it ends up deciding to be to be clever & slightly meta like that

But yeah

all in all, it’s kind of amazing to me that this genuinely reads like they sat down and said okay boys it’s valentines day, let’s write an audio where jamie kisses a girl, since that hasn’t happened except as a plot device in one story in 1967 - but then when they got down to business they accidentally(?) wrote a story all about how important his bond with the Doctor is and how easily that can be compared to a legitimate love interest (even if the love interest in question is a one off character & the extent of the relationship appears to be like one kiss & then having Jamie spend most of his time around the Doctor instead)

I realize there’s something slightly illogical about writing the words “shipping aside” after a post like this but seriously - no matter how many categories you’re able to see two & jamie’s relationship fitting into, this is 40 minutes of big finish just hitting you over the head with how powerful/special/important that relationship is, and with them being two of my favorite characters, i really haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since

[kindness-ricochets]

Genya tailoring wylan while he explains everything that went down to his older sister and brother zoya and Nikolai

W: ok so he says I’m going to music school right? And I’m like “hmmm sus but on ig” and like it’s all the way in another place so I’m like when I’m there I’ll just

N: book it?

W: EXACTLY book it. BUT YA WANNA KNOW WHAT HE DID. THE CONVIER

Z: tell us

W: HE TRIED TO HAVE ME KILLED

everyone in the room collectively chokeing while wylans still talking

W in a tone much more Jovel and annoyed then should be for discussing attempted murder: AND LIKE, ok I’m a little annyoed by the whole attemped infantacide thing but like, THEY DIDNT EVEN TRY??? LIKE they could shot me, or stabbed me, or punched me or EVEN LIKE IDK boat out to sea and throw me over but nOoOoOo, they try get this. Choking.me.out WE ARENT EVEN FULLY OUT OF THE CANEL YET AND THEYRE NOT EVEN CUTTING OFF MY AIRWAY. Kinda sad how bad they were at that. So I konked em and jumped overboard and - wait why are your guys faces like that

Z,G n N: no reason at all continue

Okay... I am so much better with drama than comedy, so this turned into a drama, but it DOES include the major beats of Wylan telling his Ravkan friends about Jan! I hope you like it :)

Wylan hadn’t been sure he could say it at first. “Miss Genya.” Was that too forward? Would it tip off the others? He had thus far kept his Ravkan connections secret. Kaz would have wanted to leverage that somehow.

He had been close to tears of frustration when Jesper stayed in the room. Wylan wanted to talk to her alone, but Jesper, going halfway mad from his impatience, had stayed so long with him…

When Jesper left to grab a cup of coffee, Genya spoke first.

“Are you all right?”

Wylan nodded. “I wasn’t for a long time, but I made it.”

“When this is over, you can come with us.”

His throat ached to hear it. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to go. He wasn’t halfway to tears at the prospect of going to Ravka. He was halfway to tears at the prospect of being wanted.

“But maybe you’d rather stay with that cute boy, hmm?”

Wylan blushed.

“Good, keep blushing. Keep your circulation strong.”

They didn’t get much time to talk before Jesper returned. Wylan wasn’t sure how much the Ravkans would want him revealing about their connection, so he kept himself quiet on the subject and trusted Genya to understand that when he thanked her, he meant for all of it, for fixing him, for having been his friend.

He got his answer not long after.

About how much the Ravkans wanted him to tell.

Jesper and Wylan were on the settee together, enjoying the closeness. The kiss seemed to have spoken some promise of access to one another—nothing too intimate. Just long, clever fingers in Wylan’s hair while he leaned against Jesper.

“Jesper. Wylan.”

At Kaz’s voice, they both turned. Wylan only stood when he realized who was with him.

Nikolai had been a steady presence in Wylan’s life. A mentor, a friend. A brother. He had been someone worth sticking around for. Seeing him there, standing beside Kaz, Wylan wanted to go to him. But Sturmhond had only ever been there to “escort him to Ravka”. They were not publicly friends, and every secret even implied to Dirtyhands…

“Our new friends would like a word, Wylan,” Kaz said.

“Privately,” Sturmhond added.

Wylan took a step toward him before Kaz asked, “Why?”

“Surely you can understand—”

“And you can understand the need for a little oversight.”

“Not from you, Brekker.” Ah, there was the Zoya Nazyalensky he knew and loved!

Nikolai looked to Wylan. “Ignore him,” he said.

So Wylan stepped forward and hugged the privateer. Nikolai had the same impulse. For a moment they held on tight to one another and Wylan had that same soreness in his throat he had felt with Genya.

“Whatever he did to you, you didn’t deserve it.”

Wylan swallowed.

Nikolai had been the closest Wylan had ever seen him to furious when he found out. He offered to keep Wylan in Ravka, but there was no way to do that without starting an international incident. He sent a letter, even, but Jan refused and it wasn’t everyone who would kidnap a Councilman’s kid.

Telling Nikolai seemed… possible, but Wylan glanced at Kaz. And at Jesper.

“Um… since when are you friends with pirates?” Jesper asked.

“Privateer,” Wylan and Nikolai said.

Wylan looked between Jesper and Kaz. They both had questions—albeit very different ones.

“Jan sent men to kill me,” Wylan said.

“What?” asked Jesper.

Zoya said something Wylan was pretty sure was a Ravkan swear. They had all made a game of not teaching him the naughty words, so he could only guess.

Kaz looked intrigued.

Nikolai gripped Wylan’s shoulder tightly.

Wylan shook his head. Somehow remembering that day on the browboat made his throat hurt. “I was sloppy. They shouldn’t’ve been able to get me. I remembered that move Tolya taught me, but—I’m fine! Why are you looking at me like that?”

“No reason at all,” Zoya said.

Jesper was stroking his revolvers, a gleam in his eyes.

“I’m fine,” Wylan insisted. He was! He just wished that ache in his throat would ease. “I’m fine! Anyway it was six months ago!”

“He knew you had a place in Os Alta,” Nikolai said.

Somehow that stung the worst, because it was true. Jan didn’t have to kill Wylan. He had shut him out of the business years ago, so there were no secrets to spill, no treason to commit. Just last summer Nikolai had offered to keep Wylan there, made clear he was welcome, Jan could have… but he wanted to…

Wylan took a deep breath. His eyes were prickling like he might start crying again, in front of all these people!

To make it worse, in the split second Wylan had that realization, someone else had come into the room.

“Wylan has a place in Os Alta?” Nina asked. Matthias, beside her, looked grimmer than usual. “You mean his family owns property there?”

“The King has a soft spot for lost princes,” Zoya said. “And redheads.”

“You know King Nikolai?”

“Of course she does, I’m sure the whole Triumvirate knows him!” Jesper said, and Wylan wanted to kiss him again for redirecting the conversation when it was all getting to be a bit much. Kaz was watching him closely. Nina was staring. Zoya and Nikolai were both dealing with what Wylan had told them and he felt foolish for having done so now. Maybe all he had wanted was for them to say it was okay he wasn’t able to use the skills he learned sailing when Tolya tried teaching him to fight.

“I meant Wylan,” Nina retorted. She turned her attention to him once more.

“I visited him in Os Alta a few times,” Wylan said. He left out the time Nikolai, then a student at the university, had come to visit him in Ketterdam.

“This would have been useful to know earlier, Wylan,” Kaz said.

Which was a good reason not to tell him!

“Wait a minute,” Jesper realized, “we actually could have ransomed you! Hey! Kaz’s plan almost worked!”

“Almost,” Wylan repeated, deeply dubious. Kaz had never tried to ransom him to Nikolai. “N—um, not that I’m recommending ransoming me. Um, I… the thing is… it’s my mother. She was—my father had her locked away and I—if I could…”

“King Nikolai will doubtless do all he can to assist you,” said King Nikolai, despite everything clearly amused at speaking in third person. “And your mother. As any good king would. Exceptional, even! But I must insist on a private word.”

This time even Kaz didn’t object. Wylan felt a twinge of guilt leaving Jesper and cast him a look he hoped communicated an intention to tell him everything later. He followed Nikolai into the next room, anyway. Although Nikolai had never shown him any frustration or disapproval, Wylan still worried. What if this was it? What if he had reached his limit?

Nikolai was not at his limit.

Instead, he said, “It’ll be all right, Wylan.”

“You’ll help us?” Wylan asked. “Me and my friends.”

He nodded. That was already the deal, Wylan supposed, but he still appreciated hearing it from Nikolai instead of having to trust it from Kaz.

“Is there anything you didn’t want to tell me in front of the others?” Nikolai asked.

“No.” The ache in his throat was back. Wylan swallowed. He blinked rapidly, but his eyes wouldn’t listen. “He tried to kill me…”

Nikolai squeezed Wylan’s shoulder.

“Brekker is a… unique sort, but I doubt there’s anything he can’t think his way out of. Between the two of us, we can tweak this plan if necessary. You shouldn’t have to see him.”

“Thank you,” Wylan said, “but I can take it. You don’t have to protect me.”

“I never protected you because you needed protecting, I did it because I wanted to keep you around. It helps that you look at me like I can do anything. See, that’s the one!”

Wylan found himself smiling despite it all.

“And Jesper is in love with you. You don’t always pick up on these things, but it’s very important you know this time.”

“We…” Wylan looked away, blushing. “I kissed him.”

“Well done, Wylan!”

“Whatever happens next, I’m glad I got to see you again, Nikolai.”