#2022 reflections

[sunisglowing]

🕰 2022 REFLECTIONS 🕰

1. biggest achievement

2. biggest challenge

3. how did you face the challenge and what did you learn from it

4. favorite food of the year

5. who and inspired you the most

6. something you became good at

7. something you failed at

8. favorite memory

9. three words to describe 2022

10. goals/wishes for next year

[beth-is-rainpaint]

Inspired by this post, here, have some fanfic reflections from 2022:

How many words have you written this year?

I published 59,328 words on Ao3. WOW. That’s almost 5,000 words a month. And that doesn’t include all the notes I’ve made on future chapters of “What They Were Fighting For.”

Favorite pairing you wrote for this year?

Obviously I’m still loving writing Fitzsimmons, but I wrote a little background Dousy this year too. It turned out really cute and really soft, and I had a lot of fun with it.

What work was the quickest to write?

I wrote “Find Ourselves in the Winter Snow” in 10 days. (I guess I’ll never replicate what I did with “to carry love, to carry children of our own” or “I see my future in your eyes,” both of which I wrote in a single evening -_-)

What work took you the longest to write?

I guess technically the Daisy chapter. I started writing it in fall 2021 but didn’t finish it until August 2022.

What WIP are you taking into next year with you?

*glares at “What They Were Fighting For”* No I’m just kidding I still love that fic. I want to finish it in 2023 though!! And then I hope to never post a WIP multichapter fic ever again!

Your favorite character to write this year?

I wrote from Deke’s point of view for the first time this year, and it was SO fun. I also wrote more of Mack this year and I like how it turned out.

The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year?

COULSON?! Writing that chapter was so difficult and I don’t know why. Once I figured out his voice, though, it went great.

How many kudos in total did you get this year?

298!

Did you receive any gifts this year?

I did! “Greetings From Lake Ontario” by @cherrylimeade​, “this is right where it begins” by @bobbiamorse​, and “Alya’s First . . Everything” by @ellsey​!

Biggest surprise while writing this year?

I continue to be surprised when a character (mainly Jemma) takes over and essentially tells me, “Actually, here’s how this scene/dialogue is going to go.” I’d never had that experience before I started writing AoS fic.

[blueberry-lemon]

My 2022

I see a lot of people writing posts or threads about things they did in 2022. I don't usually do this sort of thing for a few reasons. One is that I'm aware that it can be a bit pretentious and a bit frustrating for others to read if they had a really bad year. For that reason, consider this a soft content warning for "yet another post reflecting on 2022." The other reason is that I don't think I've accomplished anything worth reflecting about, and am quite disappointed in myself and my 2022!

But...maybe that self-conscious feeling is exactly why I should force myself to write this.

A few things I accomplished in 2022:

I wrote some stuff

I put up the final chapter of my Sonic fanfic [although not the epilogue yet, sorry readers!] titled "Have You Heard From Sonic Lately?" Of all things I did this year, this is probably one of the things I'm most proud of? I think I'm decent at writing these characters and I like playing in this world in a mostly-canonical way, following guidelines painted by the games, the IDW comics, and ironically now Sonic Prime.

I put up Chapter 1 and Chapter 2 of Soul Symphony: Abandoned Encore. SS:AE is prose sequel story to my 2010-2015 webcomic Soul Symphony. These characters and this story mean a lot to me, but I left them behind as relics as 2015. I decided that the year of my 10-year high school reunion would be a fitting time to look back on these characters.

Side note: The comments I receive on Ao3 are so nice??? They're so heartwarming, they make my day. Something about someone enjoying my writing is 100x more satisfying than someone enjoying a drawing I did, and the way people express their feedback is really meaningful. I wanna cry every time. Thank you to everyone who has read my stuff.

I put out two meaty pieces: a review of Cam Marshall's comic "Matchmaker", and my year-end reflection titled "I Forgot How To Climb The Mountain."

I've wrote a few mini blog posts scattered across Cohost, Tumblr, and Patreon, which you can find in the #blogofkylelab tag.

Behind the scenes, I've continued my work as a Writer working on Rhythm Doctor as part of 7th Beat Games.

Art and Game Dev

I...barely drew anything, so that was kind of a disappointment. But the few things I did draw I mostly liked! The very little time/energy I have for drawing these past few years is always a tough pill to swallow, but I'm glad that when I DO make time for it, it is still pretty fun.

I've continued working on Rhythm Doctor and A Dance of Fire and Ice as a part of 7th Beat Games. We put out some cool collab levels.

I helped launch ADOFAI's paid DLC expansion, Neo Cosmos! Directed by TaroNuke, it's a really cool expansion with its own identity and I love the new mechanics and focus on character/narrative.

I worked on Squeak N' Seek, a short gamejam project we made as a birthday present for Giacomo, the Lead Programmer at 7th Beat Games.

Other Stuff

I've been running @IndieGamesOfCohost for a few months now! Shares of indie game posts on Cohost, posts spotlighting new releases of lesser-known titles, and a series of Indie Interviews with fellow gamedevs. This has been very satisfying for me, and I hope I can keep the momentum going in 2023.

I'm forcing myself to write these things down to convince myself that I accomplished something, because for the past few years I haven't been able to shake the feeling that "I haven't accomplished anything." I miss the days where I drew quite often, especially between 2015 and 2018, and I made illustrations that I still cherish to this day. I feel like a "shell" of my younger self still, which is a ridiculous thing to say. Someday, I'll find my way back to a place where I'm satisfied with my output.

I hope your 2022 was bearable! Let's all work together in the new year.

[mycatismyfriend]

Reflecting on 2022

I didn't get COVID. (I still haven't got covid). I got a promotion from one amazing job, to an extra amazing job. I got noticed by Brandon Rogers 2-3 times. I got my dream apartment and am living on my own. I made some fucking fantastic fanvids. I got amazing feedback in my professional life. I made some fucking great GIFS. I am making more money than I could ever have dreamed.

But.

I am struggling in my physical health. I am working on it, and it's slow, but it's going to be slower progress than I like. My parents moved away. I realised the online relationships you treasure are sometimes more important to you than they are to the reciprocating party. I got really sick. Physically, mentally, emotionally. I called 000 once. I spent 3 weeks in my apartment as an outpatient with calls from the local hospital before I was well enough to go in physically.

I called the suicide hotline during this time +20 times. I made myself so upset I threw up at least 11 times. My body was so distraught and stressed and tired, that what went in, went out within 20 mins. One time I didn't shower for 4 days. A further one day, I spent half of it in the shower, the water running on and off for hours at a time. I turned to things and substances I should not have. I did things I regret to this day. This was my reality.

In 2022, I nearly died.

But then, through late November/December, I THRIVED. Because once you get that low, and finally recover, there is only up.

In early December I took down a sticky note that said "You will be ok" on my fucking wall that I relied on, because I didn't need to remind myself anymore. In December, I got my first new pay cheque for my new job and I cried. I became more resilient, I became a better person. Through what I dealt with and those experiences, I came to accept the things I can't control and move on. I really fucking nailed November/December.

GOD I am SO lucky. I am so lucky and grateful and I am here in my own apartment, earning amazing money, meeting and talking to some amazing people and just living my life and making a difference and FUCK I am SO LUCKY.

After everything I went through, and after everything that 1-2 people tried to accuse me of being, or got wrong about me, it really did end up all out ok for me. That has to mean something?

2023, I GOT YOU BABE.

[heyjupiter]

Wisdom from the Trenches of 2022

Have you taken the time to reflect on 2022? What came up for you? How will you integrate what you've learned into this new year? 

[autisticandroids]

CASTIEL: Stop. What's the point if you don't mean it? You fear me - not love, not respect, just fear.

[youtube with closed captions]

a godstiel pity party. i'd like to thank an anon i got way back in february of 2021.

[wavygrayvy]

Loki wants to know where he belongs? In Cleveland as the stepdad to two mischievous boys obviously. And he and Sean’s snake are besties ofc

[adam-trademark]

Snapping Turtle

(December 1, 2022)

[marejadilla]

Keita Morimoto | 森本啓太, "Soliloquy", 2022, acrylic and oil on linen. B. 1990 Osaka, Japan. Based in Tokyo and Toronto.

[landinrris]

In which I keep seeing tweets hyping up Lando and McLaren for this season, so I needed to vent my expectations and bring myself back down to Earth. (1.1k, w/ Carlos popping up at the end) Set during the 2024 championship in which Lando and McLaren come out of the gates swinging.

Lando thought he was prepared for the possibility of getting out of his car as the newly crowned champion. God knows he’s spent enough time talking it through with his team and parents— with Carlos.

As soon as he’s across the line, he’s asking Will about the finishing order, his stomach up in his throat. The sound of Will’s voice, shaken from his usual calm as he tells Lando to hang on while the team checks the finishing positions of his main rivals nearly makes Lando lose his mind. 

The wait is reminiscent of his first pole position a few years ago— how torturously long it felt in the seconds while the few remaining drivers finished their laps. But now they’re in Abu Dhabi three years removed, and Lando needs a points deficit to George of at least three and a deficit of at least one to Charles.

There’s an ocean of distance between him now and September 2021.

When Lando’s radio crackles back to life after about fifteen or so torturous seconds, it’s Andrea whose voice greets him, unsettlingly more manic than Will’s, even though he’s trying to hide it. Then again, anything other than his normal calm makes Lando suspicious.

“Would you like to know the finishing order, Lando?”

“On your own time, I think.” Lando’s voice shakes more than it ever has over the radio, betraying his nonchalant words.

Andrea just chuckles. “P1, Verstappen; P2, Carlos; P3, you; P4, Russell.” The words hang in the air for only a second or two as Lando rounds the corner onto the start-finish straight.

Screams erupt in the background, but all Lando can think about is the basic mental math he’s calculating. “Does that—”

“Lando Norris, it means you’re champion of the world!”

The screams get louder then, becoming deafening behind Andrea as they filter through the open channel. His entire team is screaming, those who ran to climb the fence as he finished making their presence known so close to the pit wall. The goal they’ve been building towards for the entire year— for their entire careers— is theirs.

Lando’s vision blurs on command, his hands coming up to clutch at his visor for a split second before he has to direct the car to the third-place placard. Lando doesn’t know how he manages it once he starts yelling with the rest of the team. He wonders if he causes anyone to yank their headset off and decides he’ll have to apologize later. 

For now, though, this is his moment. This is his.

Lando manages to contain his emotions when Zak gets in on the celebration, but he loses it hearing Will’s voice again. He’s successfully parked the car and already set everything to mode zero, but Will’s voice is in his ear, and the least Lando owes this man is to listen to the rest of his engineer’s words.

“Alright buddy, get out there and celebrate.” 

As soon as Lando’s feet touch the asphalt, his legs buckle out from underneath him, and he collapses by the front left tire. He needs to get up, needs to pull his helmet from his head, and go celebrate in the arms of his team and his family. But here Lando is, his body wracked with sobs while he thanks every possible force in the universe that’s enabled him to get to this point.

The side of his car isn’t as blurry when Lando opens his eyes again and shoves his visor up, his knees not as shaky when he stands, leaning on the body of the car for support. 

Across the way, his team looks like they’re barely holding themselves back from storming the track. Their self-imposed barrier breaks when Lando takes a step in their direction, his car crew rushing him and sweeping him off his feet. He may not be as small as he used to be, but the arms of the guys who have been with him for six years pick him up like he is, and all Lando can do is hold on.

The bone-crushing team hugs Lando has been subject to over the years don’t come close to now— not even on the back of his first podium in Silverstone the year before. But, he supposes, nothing really is quite comparable to actually beating the odds as they have throughout this year. 

Everything from the last few years rushes to the surface— every emotion and catastrophizing thought. Every question he had about resigning or not looking elsewhere at a team that could take him to the top faster. They gave way to the base satisfaction that had come with improvements and with accurate correlations. 

Every thought triggers another swell of emotion, but Lando can’t think about what he looks like in the midst of it.

Later, there will be pictures Lando will probably never want to see again when he takes his helmet off to reveal his already puffy eyes, red from crying, but he doesn’t think of that now. Because now, even with his mind solidly in the present, he can’t stop getting teary-eyed with each new person who comes to congratulate him.

And then Carlos is there, his person, finished with his own team and weigh-in, and it’s a lot. 

Carlos’ eyes look almost as red as Lando’s feel, which is stupid because Carlos shouldn’t be the one crying, right? They’re only about five strides from each other, but Lando takes the distance in two and a half before he launches himself into Carlos’ arms, his legs coming up almost on instinct to wrap around Carlos’ hips.

Carlos seems to expect it thankfully, and they stay upright. Lando’s never felt more protected than he does right now. Strong and warm arms grip and wrap around his back with every ounce of strength Carlos has left after a grueling two hours in the car. They’re out in the middle of everyone with their image likely being broadcast across the world, and yet Lando can’t find it in himself to care about anyone but the way Carlos’ lips press against the side of his face, the barely audible, “You did it. My champion,” above all the noise.

Lando lets himself cry.

Someone breaks them apart eventually so that both of them can give their reactions on the finish to Coulthard, who’s standing a few feet away looking excited. The distance they put between themselves isn’t a lot, one of Carlos’ hands settles on Lando’s shoulders when Lando feels himself getting weak-kneed again while Carlos is talking. He wonders if he looks like he’s going to pass out or if Carlos is just that especially tuned to Lando.

He doesn’t wonder for long though before he’s being pulled to the camera and handed the microphone Carlos had just been holding.

This is the beginning of everything. The beginning of being a champion. The beginning of the rest of his career. Lando knows he’s ready for it.

[joyridingmp3]

2 years to the date that all of my hard work paid off and i was able to buy a home for myself and finally, at long long long long last, able to escape my abusive parents house. not just a house, but a home, and that difference has always been important to me. i feel mostly astounded by how quickly the years have passed since then, but also proud. not just of the achievement but also the way that i've been able to get to know myself, develop my identity, and figure out who i am in that short period of time. it's amazing the way you get to flourish in a world with stability (and not just in the material sense but that too!) when you're not spending every second running from and avoiding life altering trauma. i have some really exciting opportunities coming up to better help me work towards that very soon and hopefully the trajectory continues. it was such a difficult 24 years in getting there a couple of years ago and i really didn't think i'd even make it at times but my god it was so worth waiting for.

[yumedoca]

OMG, THE MV WAS OUT YESTERDAY AND NO ONE TOLD ME???

[beth-is-rainpaint]

Media of 2022 (favorites in bold)

Books I finished in 2022 (* = audiobook):

Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir

*Wholehearted Faith by Rachel Held Evans

This Here Flesh by Cole Arthur Riley

*No Cure for Being Human by Kate Bowler

*Everything Happens for a Reason (and Other Lies I’ve Loved) by Kate Bowler

A Rhythm of Prayer edited by Sarah Bessey

The Lord is My Courage by K. J. Ramsey

A Hole in the World by Amanda Held Opelt

Books I started in 2022:

Blessings for the Long Night by Jessica Kantrowitz

Shoutin’ in the Fire by Dante Stewart

The Winners by Fredrik Backman

Movies I watched in 2022:

Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness

Thor: Love and Thunder

TV shows I watched in 2022:

Moon Knight

The Book of Boba Fett

Kenobi

Ms. Marvel

She-Hulk

Rings of Power

Stranger Things season 4

The Umbrella Academy season 3

Tales of the Jedi

Andor

The Handmaid’s Tale season 5

Also I started rewatching Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. again because what else was I going to do? And I made it through 3x17, which I think was an excellent final episode for the year as well as leaving me an excellent first episode for 2023 :)

[th3-0bjectivist]

“Sunspot City” - Acrylic paint on canvas

[creatingnikki]

Processing pain grief

Listen. Listen to me. Just because 2022 is over it does not mean you have to move on. You still have to process grief. You have to process the heartbreak from all the things that didn’t become, from the things you wanted so damn religiously, from the things you got a taste of before being exiled from them so ruthlessly. Just because the calendar year has changed it does not mean all that heartbreak and loss has been processed and neatly stored away to be opened years later for some writing inspiration. Don’t confuse it, though. Processing grief from before does not mean that you don’t live in the present, in the moments that are now. You do, you absolutely do. I won’t lie, it is confusing more now than ever before. I have become so good at intellectualizing my emotions that I do it all the time and it feels the same as processing them and feeling them. Feeling. Remember? Remember what that used to be like? I don’t. I can speak so well about it all and I can write so articulately about it all but feeling? What is that supposed to be like? Crying? Breaking? Shouting? Throwing? Cutting? Slapping? No, no, no, no, no, no. NO. It used to be something freeing. Someday, soon, perhaps, you will feel again. Until then, hold on. Hold on to yourself. Hold on to the fact that there was a time you knew yourself, a time when you understood yourself, and a time when you were a person of your words. A time when everything you said was not mocked by everything you did. A time when you were emotionally available, to the world, yes, but to yourself. You for yourself. For you. Hold on. It’s not like you moisturize your hands anyway so like your grip should be strong enough.

[ktz-tl]

September 26, 2022.