#20 years i have lived in this exact same house

[ithinkimnormal]

Sorry but It's actually so annoying how much people downplay the crucial role piltover's corrupt council games played in derailing jayce/viktor's work and pretty much putting shackles around their lives. The council is directly responsible for and directly FUNDING so much of the misery that happens in this show, before the story has even started. Before Powder ever finds the gemstone. They single-handedly doom half of the region to death.

Just during the show: Jayce wanted to create magic to aid and uplift the common people, the council wanted trade route instant teleportators to make themselves richer.

Jayce & Viktor wanted to work on technology to help miners and steelworkers and artisans who are trying to survive in the industrial hellscape of piltover and zaun; the council wants it shelved for another 20 years. (yes, heimer is part of the corrupt council - no matter how much his image is laundered by the fandom.)

They are inept and self-serving leaders, elected by themselves and their blood inheritances, utterly obsessed with ultimate profit. You can really see how parasitic their relationship is to the people at the beggining of act 1. Jayce is a token nameless life, so disposable to them that they were going to burn down all of his research and throw out all of his titles, making him not just a lower-house vassal but an EXILE, and the only reason why that doesn't happen is because they realize how much money they can suck out of his work.

This applies to Viktor too. See the way that Heimerdinger tells him over and over again that no other paths can be taken, he has 'fulfilled his purpose' and he should be content to die. See how Mel looks at Viktor like a bug she wants to squash under her palm when he rejects the idea of making weapons for council. See how they speak over him and only address Jayce, as if he's worth less than nothing.

You are only as valuable as the profit you're willing to create. You are a problem that has to be dealt with as soon as you refuse their orders. They have the power to ruin your life, and if they find an excuse, they will. This is a direct threat pointed at Jayce & Viktor during ACT2, when Jayce is pressured into becoming one of them to protect 'the bottom line profit' and, personally speaking, to avoid that ire being redirected towards Viktor. He's pushed into compliance and told a target has been painted on his back.

Arcane jayvik are doomed in big part not for wanting to do harm, but being forced to exist under the beck and call of billionaire leeches. They are both immigrants. They are both struggling to get a degree and keep themselves afloat and they want to help people so goddamn much but they have to keep postponing their dreams to serve uncaring masters. I really wish there was more fan content focused on these very real bonds of understanding and solidarity between them.

When Viktor says 'Jayce will understand' that's not a fluke; he's lived in this environment for years. He knows Jayce is being pushed down the same way that he is and that deep down they've been kept captive by the exact same people. When Jayce agrees that Viktor should do whatever he needs to do to keep himself alive, he means that from the heart.

[femsolid]

When I worked as a cleaner in people's homes I was almost aIways called because the woman of the house had fallen sick or gotten a severe injury and the man refused to clean anything. I'd come in and immediately see women in wheelchairs or wearing a cast, severely disabled after surgery, something like that. All of them in severe pain, all of them feeling overwhelmed by all the unattended chores that their husbands refused to do. Some women just felt like it was normal for them to call another woman to clean up after their man, convinced that he just didn't know how to or shouldn't have to because he's a man. Others were just tired of living in the ever growing filth. It was always the women who welcomed me into the house, explained where things were and what I should do. A lot of the men were simply napping all the time, locking themselves in their bedrooms, chilling in front of the TV or by the pool. One tried to plug in the iron for me and shaked his head saying "I just don't know how this thing works, sorry". That man had been married for at least 20 years to this poor woman with a broken foot. So for 20 years he had a maid ironing all his clothes for free. 20 fucking years. Imagine that, sisters, for 20 years someone irons your clothes, or cooks for you, cleans up after you. Imagine. The amount of selfishness and egotism one would need to be like "yeah, this person acts like my servant and I totally take advantage of it". Is that love? The love heterosexuals keep going on about? The love women can't live without? As I left, he told me not to unplug the iron because his wife was going to try to iron while sitting down since she has a broken foot and the clothes are piling up. And I was like... why don't you do it yourself??? But I didn't say anything because I needed a job. It was the situation for 90% of the clients I had. And seeing this exact same pattern every day, seeing how these women lived with those men, because that's the kind of job that really allows you to see people's intimate lives you know? Well it really comforted me and my choice not to date men. I'd go home and absolutely relish my celibacy.

[coopers-hand]

your 6H and how you find comfort

TLDR: our 6H is responsible for our day to day lives, including our habits and routine. one thing about those is that through these repetitive actions people find the sense of familiarity, stability and comfort. the position of the ruler of this house will show you areas through which you may find this comfort❤️‍🩹 to gain more insight, look at the signs of both 6H and it’s ruler, as well as to your Moon and virgo-pisces axis! ٩(^‿^)۶

~ the position of your 6H ruler and how you find your sense of comfort

1H: pampering oneself, being pretty and comfy, and being well fed and having walked on their little walk, and their skin is moisturized and their nails are groomed — these people need to take care of themselves and their own body to feel comforted🍃

2H: those people may be the type of ppl that have their emotional support stuffed animal, or sweater, or coffee mug — anything, actually, that they can hold and touch and that has some physical weight to it. they may sleep with plushies and wear the same mittens their mom knitted for them centuries ago🧶☕️

3H: escaping to the books, movies, series, etc. — these ppl find the most comfort in stories and ways people share their thoughts with the world ✏️ so they may have their comfort piece of media that they keep coming back again and again

4H: sense of comfort is brought through the feeling of home and passed childhood. the perfume of their mother? that one sandwich they’ve been eating since they turned 5? that one pair of socks knitted by their grandma? you tell me 🥹 || I have my 6H ruler in here, and I find comfort in eating the same breakfast my mom was cooking for me when I was at school, so yeah…

5H: hobbies!! those people may be the ones that have been doing the same thing since childhood, like they’ve always been drawing with crayons, or collecting stickers, or crafting, or making little silly songs with their old electronic piano. they may find comfort in their old creative supplies, in their ancient watercolors they bought like in 7th grade, or in that one song that makes they soul dance itself out

6H: regime!! those people need to have their own familiar structure of life, even if this structure doesn’t make sense for everybody else. they need their morning walks, they need their sunday movie nights with that one person, they need to do this exact type of exercise bc it’s important for them and only they will get it.

7H: those people are about lifelong relationships, they may be one of the most devoted partners you can find. they find comfort in people they’ve been with since forever, they are feeling sure and good and comfy around their best friend that they’ve known for 20 years, that they’ve grown up with and that they share almost all of their life experiences with👭

8H: those people need their alone time. they need their sacred space, their little castle that nobody can invade and make them put on a human suit again. they find comfort in knowing that there’s completely no one around so that they can be so much and unapologetically alone and themselves.

9H: those people are the greatest optimists, that will not let the humanity destruct itself in the storm of hate and pessimism. those people always know that there’s hope, that the world is a good place to be in, that there’s joy and love and laughter and cool people and also little animals and big animals and flowers and so much more!! I love them so much omg sorry but those people literally save the world by finding their own sense of comfort😭

10H: another type of people that need the structure, but, on the contrary with 6H fellas, this is kind of an external structure. it may be a literal social institute that provides them with it (e.g. school, work, gym membership, language clubs??), or a kind of style of living that they accept to follow. those people may find comfort in knowing that they have their life together, in knowing what will happen tomorrow🏹

11H: those people crave the sense of belonging. they need to know that they are not alone in this world, that there’s at least another person on Earth that can say ‘hey! im here! I know how you feel’. the greatest sense of comfort for those people is knowing that they are understood.

12H: hello my lovely existentialists 🥰 for these people comfort may look like something unattainable, bc they are prone to existential dread every working day and holidays included. however, the sense of comfort is attained through daydreaming, sleeping and meditating — and also other 1000000 things that can be linked to sleep. I also have noticed that those people may need more sleep than others to stay healthy. so, remember — it’s not that the world hates you, maybe you just had very little sleep in the night��

[valentoru]

|| Limitless ||

[CHAPTER 3]

SYNOPSIS: Gojo Satoru, a big time artist, who’s known for leaving a trail of broken hearts in his wake wherever he goes. And you, the lead guitarist of an upcoming band, who’s absolutely certain that no one will ever love you. Through an accident in which you happened to kiss Gojo in a frantic state, you both decide, via convenience alone—and zero regard for both of your managers—to pull a fake dating stunt what could go wrong? Any press is good press…right?

PREVIOUS : MASTERLIST : NEXT

Freakanomics. One of the biggest upcoming bands recently. An industry that housed many millions of people all fighting for a chance on the “pedestal”. No pressure. You had no idea of the exact number of people but the amount of drama and discourse you’d seen on Twitter in the last twelve hours alone was enough to help you hazard a guess; far too many. Therefore, you reasoned that the chances of your running into Gojo Satoru ever again was slim. You would never have the insane misfortune of talking to him again. Especially considering that after your three years in the industry, you’d only run into him once and that had been The Night (though it had only been a handful of days since you had rather thoughtless kissed Gojo Satoru every time you though back to last Friday night you would call it The Night and it would stay that way the rest of your life), you would never cross paths with him again. In fact you were fairly sure that Gojo Satoru not only had no idea who you were and had no intention of learning—and probably had already forgotten about what had happened.

Unless, of course, you were incredibly wrong and Gojo ended up filing that complaint against you. In which case you would be seeing him again, in court, when you pleaded guilty.

You ultimately figured you shouldn’t waste any time fretting over it and focus on more pressing issues like; you needed to start pitching ideas for Yuta. Or like how Yuta was literally your PR manager, despite your past and current situation with Maki. Or the note that Megumi had left on the fridge door that morning telling you he had noticed a cockroach scurry under the fridge again, despite all the traps you lay out. Or the most crucial one; the band had so much attention and it was becoming daunting. It was making you nervous and you were really starting to feel the pressure. You were bound to crack at any moment. On top of that you were low on money again and your didn’t have the heart to ask your friends for any, you all were struggling. Your band was big but not massive, and the share you were all getting wasn’t amazing, they were probably in the same situation as you.

You opened your laptop with half a mind to search “Organs you can live without” and then follow that up with “how much can you sell them for?” But you had gotten side tracked by the 20 emails you had accumulated in the time it had taken you to make a coffee and sit back down. They were almost exclusively reminders of subscriptions. Nigerian uncles with a money mine. And a few newsletters you signed up for a few years ago. You quickly marked them down eager to get on to a couple lyrics Yuta had asked you to work on them you noticed one email. One email that was actually a reply. A reply from—holy shit. Holy shit.

You clicked the mouse pad so hard you almost broke your finger.

Sgetomanagment@gmail.com

Y/N L/N,

The idea looks amazing. I should be at your studio next Monday, it would be great if we could meet.

Regards, SG.

Your heart skipped a beat. Then it began galloping. Then it slowed down again you could feel all your blood plusating in your ears and eyelids. Surely, that wasn’t healthy, but yes. Yes! You had potential business. Only potentially, so maybe, definitely maybe. He said great. That had to be a great sign then, right?

You frowned and scrolled down to reread what you had sent to him several weeks earlier.

Well if Suguru Geto, probably the most sought after male artist you could think of at the moment and he was currently the lead artist and organiser in a current cancer campaign event that was being held, came to your studio and gave you 10 minutes of his time, you were positive you could convince him.

Well…maybe.

You were better at actually doing campaigns than pitching for them. Communication was probably your biggest weakness. Okay, absolutely your biggest weakness. But you had the opportunity to show how important this cause was to you. You could practically jump for joy. This was something you’d always been passionate about.

You sighed and packed up your stuff and head for the studio. You needed to record some music and if you didn’t get out of public soon you would end up screaming.

When you got to the studio you made a beeline for the communal kitchen.

You stood at the coffee machine working out the rhythm for the song you were working out for the group, you also tried to figure out how you were going to tell Yuta, after all you had done this as a surprise for him. Your brain was practically full of fuzzy thoughtless thoughts, your whole body on autopilot. You span around only to be met with a scowl.

You startled, almost dropping your coffee.

“Fu—Jesus!” You clutched your chest and took. A deep breath. “Maki! Your can’t scare me like that—you shouldn’t even be in here!”

“Y/N.”

That definitely wasn’t unnerving. Maki never used your full name. Not unless she was reprimanding you for biting your nails or damaging your hair.

“Hey! How was your—”

“fiday night.”

Fuck. “—weekend.”

“Gojo.”

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

“I saw you two. Together.”

“Oh, really?” Your surprise sounded painfully playacted. Maybe you should’ve taken theatre in high school instead of band.

“Yeah, at the party.”

“Oh, cool! I didn’t see you or I would’ve said hi.”

She frowned at you. “N/N. I saw you. I saw you with Gojo. You know that I saw you, and I know that you know I saw you because you’ve been avoiding you.”

“I have not.” You feigned bewilderment but your efforts were once again in vain.

Maki gave you one of her formidable “get real” looks. It was probably the one she used when she argued with people in high school. She wasn’t exactly fond of her sister, Mai, either. She knew how to argue, how to manipulate. That was a fact. She was fearsome and indomitable, one of the things you loved about her—but not right now.

“You haven’t answered any of my messages. For the past two days. We usually text like every hour.”

She was right, you did. You switch your cup to your left hand for no reason other than buying time. “I’ve been…busy?”

“Busy?” Makis eyebrows shot up. “Busy kissing gojo?”

“Oh. Oh, that. That was just…uhm.”

She nodded as if to encourage you to finish the sentence. When it became apparent to Maki that you wouldn’t, she finished it for you.

“No offence N/N, but that was the most bizarre kiss ever.”

Stay calm. Stay calm. She doesn’t know. She can’t know. “I doubt that,” you retorted weakly. “take that upside down spiderman kiss! That was bizarre. More bizarre than—”

“N/N you said you were on a date that night. You’re not dating Gojo are you?”

It really could have been so easy to confess the truth. Since the very start of your friendship you and maki had done more moronic things, together and separately; the time you panicked and kissed Gojo Satoru would become one of them. One you would laugh about during “girls night” over some form of alcohol.

Or not. There was a chance that if you admitted to lying now, Maki would never trust you again. Or she would never go out with Yuta. And as much as the thought of your best friend dating your ex made your whole body physically repulse and shrivel up inside, the thought of your best friend being anything but happy made you shrivel up more.

The situation was depressingly simple; you were alone in the world. You had been for a long time, ever since high school. You trained yourself to not make a big deal of it. You were sure many people were alone and found themself having to write down made-up names and phone numbers on their emergency contact forms. During college music had been your only way of coping and you were perfectly ready to spend the rest of your life making music for yourself and have your own baselines as your faithful companion till you ran into an old acquaintance from when you were younger—Maki.

In a way it had been love at first sight. You entered the dorm room, she was the only person there, and also the only woman you’d come across in the little time you’d been at the college.

When you were in the communal area and all the other people were around you were only males and predominantly white ones, you began to regret picking music production as your study.

That was until the blue-ish haired girl with a pretty face and glasses plopped next to you and muttered, “so much for inclusivity, am I right?” That was the exact moment everything changed for you.

You two could have just been allies, as the only non-males potentially in your entire year. You could have found solace together when some bitching was needed and ignored each other otherwise. You had lots of friends like that—all of them actually, circumstantial acquaintances who you thought fondly of but not very often. Maki though, had been very different from the start. Maybe because you found out you both enjoyed spending your Saturday nights eating junk food and falling asleep to rom-coms. Or maybe it was that she had insisted on dragging you to every debate group and wowed everyone with her bullseye comments. Maybe it was her opening up to you and explaining how hard she had worked to be here. The way sometimes her family hadn’t even supported her, truly they didn’t believe she could make it as far as she has. Or when one of her professors for music making asked her if she was in the wrong class and truly, was confused. The fact that people still didn’t trust that, despite the evidence through grades, she was more then capable of being here. They thought she was less than that, much much less.

You, who’s path had been a struggle but no where near as much of a struggle, was befuddled. Then enraged. Then in absolute awe of the perseverance and ability to harness her doubt and turn it into fierceness.

And for some unimaginable reason, Maki seemed to like you just as much. And when your budget hadn’t quite made it to the end of the month, Maki had shared her instant noodles with you. When your computer had crashed without backups, Maki stayed stayed up all night helping you recreate the baseline that was apart of an assignment due the next morning. When you had no where to go over the holidays, Maki would bring you home with her to her closed off estate on the outskirts of Japan and let her family ply you with delicious food. And when you had felt like you weren’t good enough to be in a band and produce for the world, Maki had talked you out of it.

The day you had met Maki’s rolling eyes, a life-changing friendship was born. Slowly, you’d began to include Megumi and become a trio, but Maki…Maki was your person. Family. You hadn’t really thought it was even possible for someone to like you.

Maki never asked for anything herself and in the few years you’d known her, she’d never shown interest in dating anyone—until Yuta. Pretending that you had been on a date with Gojo was the least you could do to ensure her happiness.

So you bucked up, smiled and tried to keep your tone reasonably even when you asked, “what do you mean?”

“I mean that we talk every day and you never mentioned Gojo. My best friend is supposedly seeing the superstar singer Gojo Satoru and somehow I’ve never heard of it. You know his reputation, right? Is this some kind of joke? Do you have a brain tumour? Do I have a brain tumour?”

This was what happened when you lied. You have to tell more lies to cover the original lie, it was like a domino effect, each lie got worse and worse and less and less convincing than the previous. There was no way you were could fool Maki. The was no way you could fool anyone. Maki was going to get mad, then Yuta would get mad, and Megumi too. And then you would find yourself utterly alone. The heart break would make you flunk out of everything, you would lose your visa and your only source of income and move back to Canada where it always snowed and people ate moose and—

“Hey.”

The voice was deep but squeaky. It came from behind you and you didn’t even have to turn to know it was Gojo. The fuck was he doing here? Just like you didn’t need to turn to know the warm weight steadying you, a firm but barely there pressure applied to the centre of your lower back, was Gojo’s hand.

About two inches above your ass.

Holy crap.

TAGLIST(23/50): @bbmsxlene @lunavelha @satoryaa @tranzumaki @k-kkiana @luvkvni @lysaray @kalulakunundrum @arysbruv @r4veeen @stillnotherapy @catobsessedlady @colortheoryrocks @minzxec @dazqa @packsvlog @luvvmae @simplysm1le @mintfyi @lavender-hvze @fushism @angstmuncher @fackeraccount

AN:

Chat. This😈😈

© valentoru all rights reserved- do not publish my work on other platforms, plagiarise or translate.

[tapintorealities]

*Edit to note: my concept of reality and the terms I use to try to explain the vastness of, y'know, Everything, is evolving. I also don't claim to have The Answers; you're the only one who can find those for yourself just as I'm the only one who can find them for myself. I'm here to share my journey through all its fascinating turns as I discover Myself; feel free to follow along but remember we're all on our own journeys. ♥️

I may make a more detailed post about each Reality later for those curious, but I decided that since I have multiple Senses of Self as a Reality Shifter (and overall Freak 😜 /j), I'll give a basic intro.

"The God State": 0

My way of conceptualizing my Core, the I AM, the infinite possibilities that Exist whether I am actively Aware of them or not at any given moment.

It's the state of being Everything, Everyone, Everywhere, Everywhen... And so on and so forth.

It's Source, it's Creation, it's God... I call it Zero.

When I feel more "tapped into" that Energy than anything else, I'll tag posts with #from 0.

"Home Base": 🐿️

I don't like putting too much weight on the terms "Current Reality" / "Desired Reality", because it implies that my "Desired" Realities aren't already mine, here and now. But this is what you might think of as my "Current Reality".

I call it my Home Base, because it's the one I primarily shift from and come back to, and where I record all my experiences with shifting and manifestation. I won't call it my Original Reality, because, to my other Selves, they have their own Original Realities! This is just the one I use to get ideas for shifts and to shift to/from, while retaining memory from each shift (if I choose to).

Age Range: Late 20s

Gender: Nonbinary, he/they pronouns

Orientation: Aegosexual

If I'm speaking primarily as my Home Base Self, I'll tag posts with #from 🐿️.

Reality One: 🌇

My primary "DR". My highest priority in terms of how often I shift there and how long I stay. It's the 1980s in Los Angeles, and I am living a lavish life after a stressful youth. I have a love story playing out with my longtime friend, and I'm going to get a cozy beach house with him in a couple years.

I've chosen to not retain any memory of my Home Base (or any other realities) while in Reality One. All I know is the life I live in that moment. I stay for several months at a time, and shift back in my sleep so I can record details and update this blog and whatnot.

Code Name: Lindsey

Age Range: Mid 30s

Gender: Cis Guy, he/him pronouns

Orientation: Bisexual

Often, I'm "tapped into" this Self even if my 3D "reality" doesn't reflect it. Part of this is the manifestation concept of Living In The End, but part of it is also that 🐿️ is autistic and latches onto characters so hard they assimilate into their very Being.

If I'm posting primarily about (or am "tapped into") this version of Reality/my Self, I'll tag posts as #from Lindsey 🌇.

Reality Two: 🦆

This is almost exactly the same as Reality One, but I am a different Self. Uh, to be exact, I'm Lindsey's partner.

Because why wouldn't you wanna see your own love story from the other side? And because our Souls are very close to 🐿️'s (they're like a combo of both of us), so it makes them real happy to explore all these different worlds where we're safe 'n happy 'n fulfilled 'n all that.

I'm also pretty into the Oddity of the Universe, so I might go on a few alternate reality trips myself. But usually, 🐿️ shifts here and back. Sometimes I'm aware of the shift, sometimes not. I think it's all a bunch of wild fun! 🤠

Code Name: Mackenzie

Age Range: Mid 30s

Gender: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (he/him but any pronouns are fine)

Orientation: Queer

I (Mackenzie) often pop up in Home Base's psyche, too. If I'm talkin' or reblogging, you'll see my code name like #from Mackenzie 🦆. (Code names are so fun. 😁)

Home Base 2: 👻

This "DR" is actually more like an alternate "CR".

I am basically 🐿️ (with a few adjustments), but I'm from a reality where, among other things, my friends and I experiment with "other dimensions". (That is to say, we're scientifically studying reality shifting, though we haven't been using the same lingo as this reality does.)

It's 1989 in New York City, and my friends and I all work together in handling various "paranormal activities".

I volunteered to explore another Reality first, because I have one of the strongest imaginations among my friends, but I guess my imagination was too strong 'cause they've been having trouble getting my consciousness back to my body. 🤪

But I know I'll be home soon. And from there, we can refine our shifting techniques and I can come back here (or go anywhere else) with much more ease than this "first shift" has taken. But really, Home Base 2 is my true Home Base, where I explore worlds from. I just got caught up in this one because it was so much more immersive than I thought it'd be. 😅

Code Name: Grayson

Age Range: Early 30s

Gender: Gender Nonconforming Trans Guy, he/they pronouns

Orientation: Gay

I'll tag any relevant posts with #Home Base 2 👻.

There are other Realities in the works that I want to actively explore someday, especially since 🐿️ is an author and has many original characters they want to experience. But these are my main focuses at this point in the 3D concept of "Time". 😛

DMs/Ask Box: Open 💌

[zeroclockk]

— ⋆˙⟡ Love Your Feeling (JJK) || Chapter two

- Making Mistakes₊˚⊹♡

He looks in my eyes, tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “You look good today” he says. That's it, I kiss him.

Pair: jjk x femOC, college students, best friends

Word count: 6.6k

Warning: this chapter includes explicit scenes⚠️

masterlist || taglist

!Friends to Lovers, Protective Brother, Secret Dating, Friends with Benefits, Angst, Mature content, Dysfunctional Family, Fluff, Smut, Mentions of Alcoholism and Abuse

——————————————————————₊˚⊹♡

It's a perfect warm spring day, perfect for a party. I see the bus coming into my peripheral vision, looking up from my phone. AirPods in my ears, blasting some ransom hype playlist Spotify made for me. I check in and sit down.

Last party I've been to must've been a few weeks ago, so needless to say I'm quite excited for tonight. Need to get my mind off of school for a second. The bus ride feels slow. Arriving at Jia's and Nabi's place, a little before 6.30.

They only live 5 minutes away from campus. Bought their own little apartment when they enrolled here. It's nothing fancy, right outside of the campus area, into an alley. It's mostly 20+ year olds living here since it's so close to school.

They all got to know each other over time. To the left are the residential units. They look like the big Minecraft houses. The two story oak plank houses, with double doors, staircase in the middle and a farm in front of it.

It's basically like that. Big two story house, staircase in the middle of it, leading to two doors. One on the left and one on the the right.

It's basically split in four parts. Jia and Nabi live on the left upper floor. The bottom floor belongs to someone else.

On the right side you have the exact same layout, only mirrored. The person who has the top floor is blessed with an attic, whilst the bottom floor can enjoy a little bit of garden space.

It might look small, but it's actually not. It'll surprise you how spacious it is. There's 3 of these units pasted next to each other, Counting a left and right side of a unit one.

On the right side of the alley there's a convenience store. At the end of the path it curves left around the store, to access either the big road or more units.  Never been there, so I wouldn’t really know.

Jia and Nabi live in unit one. the first one to your right, as you walk through the alley. I go up the stairs, turn my body to the left and ring the doorbell.

Staring at the welcome mat beneath my feet, I hear some rummaging behind the door. At the same time I hear footsteps coming up the stairs, and I look to see who’s approaching me. It’s Minnie.

"HEYY!" I say opening my arms to hug her. "Missed you yesterday you know" I smiled.

"Sorry" she giggles, smile from ear to ear.

We hear a big thud from behind the door, turning our heads to where the sound came from. "Ouch"

I try not to laugh, pressing my lips together and covering them with my hand. Then the door swings open. "FINALLY!" Jia says

"We're on time Gi" I say setting foot in their house.

“EVEN ME!” Minnie says. She does tend to get late.

"Expected you earlier" she says walking past us, running upstairs. Both Minnie and I follow her, to the attic. They've got two bedrooms, a bathroom, living room and a kitchen, on the first floor.

They turned the entire attic into a walk in closet, devided into two parts. One side for Nabi, vanity on the left wall. Other side for Jia, mirroring Nabi's side.

"So.. I was thinking" Jia starts "Black denim, mini skirts" she smiles.

"I hear ya" I say.

She starts frantically looking through her closet. "We need to look hot and sexy, but also casual"

"Gigi it's just a house party" Minnie rolls her eyes, sitting down in her vanity chair.

"Kai's house party" she says "Wrong.. the football teams house party" She answers. Tilting her head back,  dyed platinum blonde hair hanging over the back rest. "Yeah and Kai is gonna be there"

She continues pulling out pieces of clothing from her closet, occasionally moving to Nabi's side to find specific pieces of clothing. Slowly creating 4 different, matching outfits.

"Where's Nabi at?" I wonder. "Oh! She's getting groceries, she's cooking pasta" she answers. Head buried in between the clothes.

There's not really much to do for me. Nabi's in charge of dinner, and Jia's in charge of the outfits.

Outfit one:

Classic black denim mini skirt, has a light wash to it. White crop top on top of it. White socks, and platform converses for foot wear.

Outfit two:

Same classic black denim mini skirt, with the light wash to it. A black crop top. And again the same white sock, and platform converses.

Outfit three:

Black denim mini skirt again, it has a star on the right side of it. Classic black crop top. White socks, black adidas campus shoes.

Outfit four:

Black denim mini skirt, this time it ruffles midway through. Instead of the usual tight fit. White crop top. Again white socks, white new balance 550's. It's certainly matching.

"This one's for Minnie" she says. Grabbing the stacked pieces of clothing in one hand, the shoes in the other.

"Ruffles for you" she smiles, eyes sparkling. Stretching her arms out, handing her the outfit.

"No platform for you two since you're the tallest ones" she once smiles again. Chin down a little. Eyes up, looking at Minnie through her lashes.

It's true, we're not specifically 'tall'. Nabi and Jia are just really short. Had fought about it many times to see who’s taller. Since Nabi and I only have a height difference of two centimeters. The rest doesn’t need discussion, Minnie sticks out compared to the rest of us. And Jia well… you can certainly see she’s the shortest. Shes 153cm, only wears platforms to appear taller. Minnie is right about 167cm. I'm next reaching 160cm.

She walks back to where she's put the different outfits, then we hear the door open. It must be Nabi coming back from the store, she's a really good cook.

There was this time. I couldnt to stay home, for many reasons. Ran to their unit, crying. Phone was smashed, cards left at home. I was unable to pay for the bus, took me a while to get there. They took me in for about 3 weeks, until I decided it was enough. Couldn't keep living under their roof for ever.

Nabi even gave up her room for me, slept in a bed with Jia the entire time. They told me not to worry, and that I'm welcome anytime. Just felt like I was being a burden sometimes, when they had guests of family over.

Needless to say I know what her cooking tastes like, and it never disappoints.

"NABS COME UP HERE, BRING WINE!" Jia yells, from her closet. And not much later, Nabi comes upstairs. Four wine glasses, and a bottle of rosé in her hands.

"Heyy!!" She says to us. Lifting the bottle of wine up in the air, swinging it a little as she smiles. Scurrying over to Jia's vanity, the one Minnie's sitting at again.

She places down the four glasses, and fills them with the rosé.

"Ohh we're matching matching?" She asks. looking up at Jia, giving her, her glass.

"What? How could you tell?" I say laughing within the words. Utterly confused, I mean there's still three outfits lying there.

She turns around, looking at me. "Do you really think she'd give you the platforms? It’s an easy giveaway, you're second tallest" she explains. It’ll always be a petty competition. You’re taller, you do it! Whilst the gap isn’t even that big. Jia shrugs, satisfied smile plastered on her face “What can I say, she knows me” I gotta give her that.

Then Nabi walks over to me, gives me one of the glasses she's holding and sits next to me on the stool. The kind of stools you see in one of those fancy walk in closets, I guess you could call this a fancy walk in closet.

"Sooo.. Minnie" I laugh, leaning over to look at her, past Nabi. "Who's the lucky guy?" I raise my eye brows. She groans, leaning her head back once again.

"You know we'll find out one day, especially with Jia's detective skills" Nabi says.

"Oh please let me know once you do, I'll enjoy the privacy in the mean time" she answers, sipping her wine. Everyone just sighs, clicking their tongues.

"Okay okay, calm down" she says, Signing with her hands to 'sush' us. "He's tall, black hair, broad shoulders, he's got thick lips and is utterly handsome, he's funny, a gentleman and he goes to our school" she says.

"Oh god, do we know him?" I ask. "Stop no this is so exciting!!" Jia exclaims. Minnie just stays quiet, keeps on sipping her wine.

"C'mon, show us a picture" I say, but all she does is just shake his head. "Someday babes, just not today" she laughs.

"Enough about mystery boy, you guys should get changed."

"Here" Jia says, grabbing My outfit. The one with the star on the skirt, and gives it to me.

Walks back to the two outfits that are left. Grabs the one with the black top, and gives it to Nabi. Getting all of us changed, Jia then does our hair and makeup. Doesnt forget to drench herself in glitter spray, shes always so glittery. It suits her personality though.

All of us are already have a hard time getting out the glitter she leaves on us, let alone if we spray ourselves aswell.

Nabi cooks us dinner, chicken pasta. Already drooling at the name of it. Usually with a bunch of garlic, but not today. They're planning on getting it on with their crushes, what worse than to smell like a humanied piece of garlic. It tastes delicious though, even with the lack of garlic.

——————————————————————————

"Alrightyy let's go!" Nabi cheers

We all down the shots infront of us. Shake away the burning sensation in our throats, and walk towards the door. Asses nearly out, but still casual enough for it to not be weird.

I secretly I hope the outfit grabs the attention of a certain someone, won't admit it to them though. Though I wear mini skirts more often, it’s nothing special for me.

We walk over the big of campus. Dark out, all four of our arms intertwined with each other. I can hear the party's music from far, the cheers of people. It makes me feel excited, sounds like tonight will be fun.

Jia is immediately welcomed by many people, won't take her long to find Kai.

I look around the room, filled with people. They've got drinks in their hands, talking to their friends. Some are even dancing.

It doesn't take me long to spot the kitchen. Sometimes I think my kitchens dirty, this takes it to a whole other level. I grab Minnie's hand from behind me, sign to her that I know where the alcohols at.

We walk past Jia and Nabi, who are still saying hi to random people. I place my hands on front of me, on the kitchen counter. Stretched out, leaning on them.

"So, what you want 'm lady?" I ask Minnie.

"I have a strong desire for a vodka sunset ma'am" she replies. Pursing her lips, keeping a formal tone to her voice. "It is my pleasure" I smile, turning around on my heels.

Found the orange juice, in the fridge. and some strawberry syrup next to it, on the counter. Vodka wasn't difficult to find, and so I have all ingredients to make a 'vodka sunset', my specialty.

I see Jia and Nabi walking up to us, automatically assume they'll want sunsets too. Put them in front of them, as they sit down.

“Welcome ladies!” I hear behind me.

The look on Jia's and Nabi's face gives away easily who's standing behind me, so I turn around. Keeping my cool, hear absolutely going insane.

"Hello boys" I say, we all smile. "Craving some sunsets? It's my specialty" I look up at Taehyung standing in front of me. He’s so gorgeous, even up close. As much as you can call it 'in front' though, they're not that close.

They're standing there as if they're in a movie, clearly popular guys. Taehyung, Kai and Jimin. He laughs "Sure" And so I make three more sunsets. I could get addicted to that laugh, feel like I’m gonna fall to my knees just be looking at it.

"Extra sweet for the pretty ones amongst us" I joke. Clearly flirting, as I look up into Taehyungs eyes.

We all say cheers, down our shots.

"Damn, these really are your specialty" he says. Jia and Nabi are clearly eyeing the other two boys.

"So.. you guys party a lot?" Jimin asks. Jia looks down, shes shy. Shes never really 'shy', shes the social butterfly amongst us. Seems like she might really have an eye on Kai, standing next to Jimin.

Nabi had decided to sit down on the bar stool, that's placed beside the kitchen island. Legs crossed, chin leaning on her hand. Batting her eyelashes, as Jimin speaks.

I’m standing closer to the guys, therefore decide to answer his question. "Jia does! Personally not really tho" Turning my head to look at the girls, behind me. Jia looks up. She smiles softly, and raises her hand a little.

"We noticed some.. new followings on insta" I say teasingly. Taehyung laughs a little. He looks down at the floor, his hand reaching for the back of his neck. I swear I’m going insane.

"Aha yeah.. well we noticed some fangirls so"

I try not to laugh at that, smiles obvious on my face. Close my eyes, and shake my head just a little. Before turning my heels, back to the kitchen island.

These men i swear to god.

He’s charming, Taehyung. I’ve heard the stories, girls go feral for him. Talking so casually to him like this, makes me feel as if I have a chance with him. Works me in my delusions, something I’ve dreamed of for months now.

"Another round?" I look around myself, everyone agrees. So I make 7 new sunsets. We talk, we have fun. Nabi started talking to Jimin, finally. And Jia to Kai. Minnie wondered off, probably meeting her boyfriend somewhere.

——————————————————————————

"So why haven't we spoken before" he laughs. "I don't know" i respond, rolling my eyes playfully.

"Maybe because I don't want all of the girls in school to hate me! I don't know our status are just too different I guess" I laugh. It's true. He's a popular school jock, I'm a well.. a normal student.

"Jia is quite popular, could've gotten to us through her for sure" he answers. Sorta is what happened. If it wasn't for Nabi and Jia's fangirling, i wouldnt have sat here.

We're sat on a couch at this point. It's late, don't know what time though. It's still full, it's a Saturday so I don't expect anyone to leave soon.

Taehyung is sat next to me, my legs over his lap. Too far gone to go insane, we're chatting nicely. Some girls walking past have eyed me, but the amounts of alcohol I've had by now makes me not care about that.

With the stress of all the homework and tests I've been having, I feel like I'm allowed to treat myself. "You want another drink?" I say, getting up from the couch.

"Oh no I'm alright" he says. I get up, and walk back to the kitchen again.

Working myself through the crowd of people, there's not too many people though. Stumbling across the room, nearly tripping over my feet multiple times. I manage to get myself to the kitchen counter. "Ugh what do I fancy~"

I lean onto the counter with the palms of my hands, rocking on my feet a little. One of them red, American, cups will do. I scan the messy counter, different kinds of alcohol, different brands, different sodas.

I could kill for a vodka Red Bull actually, doesn't matter that I've probably already had enough alcohol for the day.

Can't even bother to measure my drink out, it's probably gonna taste like shit. And when I take a sip, it confirms my assumptions.. yeah tastes like shit.

I turn around, decide to make my way back to Taehyung.

This is why I hate partying. There's sweaty people crawling the place, and I don't even have to bother with the cleanup. Can't imagine what a real club is like, this is just a normal house party.

I do have to say, it loosened up my conversations with Taehyung. I'm not particularly the shy type, just don't like stepping out to others that much. Especially since Taehyung and I are in such different status levels, it would've been weird if I just randomly started speaking to him. Gosh he'd laugh in my face if I’d done that.

I never expected him to be this nice though, he seems actually interested. Well he shows interest in my private life. Looks at me a certain way that makes my cheeks burn hot. And for what reason? He doesn’t like me. We literally just met. I could definitely see him being my first boyfriend, have been.. I mean can you blame me? He’s complete and total bout-

What..

I stop my tracks, eyes wide. I feel as if I'm somewhere I shouldn't be, as if I just caught someone and should apologize profusely.

In the small amount of time it took me to get my drink and get back, he managed to move onto the next girl.. someone who's a lot easier than me apparently.

Took him too long to get into my pants and figured to just get some easy slut to do the job or something?

There's.. a girl. On his.. lap? Really?

Five minutes, FIVE MINUTES ID BEEN GONE??

God why do I even care, I've known the guy for what. Two hours? Still the short scene, makes my world spin a little.

I chug down the drink I had just gotten, and go back to the kitchen to make another one. More vodka in it than last time, tastes even more disgusting than the first one. Chugging it down, nearly gagging, hanging over the sink.

"YOO BUNNY" there's only one person who calls me that. "Didn't expect you here"

He stands next to me, ass leaning onto the counter. Arms crossed, looking into the crowd.

I look up at him, out of breath as if I just puked my brains out. Eyes pained. "You alright?" Jungkook asks.

"Uhm" I clear my throat. "Yeah no ofcourse" I say whilst shaking my head.

"Why are you here?" Stupid question, anyone can just come in and join. Don't need a special invitation or anything.

"Well, sorry for interrupting Yun. Let's dance, it'll take ur mind off of things" He tends to be be the kind of person that takes your mind off of things, rather than talking about it. If I do need to have a serious talk, he's always there for me.

He grabs my wrist, and drags me to the dance floor. There isn't really a 'dance floor', the living room has just been repurposed as one.

The world spins a tiny bit, just nothing too bad. I don't feel like I'm about to throw up anymore, like I've felt copious amounts of times. I genuinely hate it.

I have my back turned to the sofa, Taehyung and I were sitting at. I didn't check if he was still sitting there, as we walked over. But the way Jungkook shifts his gaze between me and the sofa, has me guessing that he is.

"Gon’ tell me what happened?" He asks

I keep my mouth shut, not wanting to talk about it. "Wanna make him jealous?" He then asks again. I raise my eyebrows. "Jealous?"

He doesn't say anything. He places his hands on my hips, to make me step closer. He then takes my arms, and places them on top of his shoulders behind his neck.

He placed his hands on my hips again. Moves his hips himself, swaying to the music. Guiding my hips with his hands to do the exact same thing, 'swaying to the music'.

The moment, somewhat caught me off guard. The alcohol is getting to my head, and it's making me that that Jungkook is looking a little too good tonight.

It's probably the way my stomach just turned, when I saw Taehyung there. To have someone's attention feels nice. It's dark in the room, music is blasting through my ears. And all I can seem to focus on, is the way he's so in the moment.

He seems so unbothered, faint smile on his face from the drinks he's had. The smallest trail of sweat running down the side of his neck, because of how hot it is in here. Yet he doesn't smell bad, good even.

"Yun!" He says, raising his voice just a little bit. "Huh what?" I say, shaken out of my own thoughts.

"Taehyung, he's watching" he nudges his head a little, to where Taehyung was sitting. Now knowing that Taehyung is watching, I wanted to get revenge.

Taehyung probably wouldn't even care, but atleast it's for my peace of mind. Anyone can tell the droopy, sad, expression on my face. I really just want to leave.

But still I choose to not admit to that just yet, focusing on Jungkook once again. Following his guide, to dancing together.

Though, I feel like my emotions are making him feel sad as well. "You here with someone?" I ask him.

Im done with this party, it's been an emotional roller coaster. I was having fun, and I'm letting some useless boy ruin that.

He shakes his head. "Can I stay at yours?"

I don't want to go home, be put up with Yoongi. He'll see right through me, will investigate who hurt me. Just to run off and hurt them.

On one hand, it's nice to have someone care like that. On the other hand, it hurts me too. I keep being left alone, dealing with myself. And having to take care of mum, with Yoongi ran off.

I'm just not in the mood for it tonight. Plus, I've stayed at Jungkooks house copious amounts of times.

He doesn't seem to have a problem with it. Leading me out of the house. Him up front, hand stuck out behind him to stabilize me a little.

He doesn't live too far. But walking is certainly the longer route. Will take a while.

Jungkook is definitely a better drunk, than me. I can tell by the way he looks, smells and acts, that he's had quite some drinks. Though he's still able to walk properly, act somewhat normal.

Were walking on the sidewalk, I try not to stumble. Focusing on the pavement, watching my feet closely. One foot in front of the other and switch. But it doesn't work, I trip. Face down.

"Ah!" I immediately reach for the stinging sensation on my knee. It's not terrible, nothing I'd usually cry over. That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

"Nayun! Are you okay?" Jungkook immediately rushes over to me. "Ah yeah, my knee just hurts."

I sit down on the ground, as Jungkook kneels beside me

He grazes his fingers over my hurt knee, blows on it. “Just a little scratch, can you walk?” He asks as he helps me up.

I’m on the verge of tears, world crashing down. As if he knows, he crouches down in front of me, signing for me to get in his back. “U sure you can handle my weight” I ask. “Yun. don’t even start, I can handle you perfectly fine” he reassures me.

I get on his back, even though I could’ve just walked myself. The gesture is nice.

Not really in the mood to talk we eventually reach his apartment. He shares it with his friend, Mingyu. He’s nice, only really see him whenever I stay over.

He sets me down on my feet in front of his apartment, and opens the door for me. “Mingyu’s not home, I can take his bed if you want”

Usually we grab 2 separate covers, and sleep in his bed.

I don’t move, don’t know why. My expression feels droopy, empty, hurt. Mustn’t look nice from a third persons perspective. Can’t seem to take my eyes off him. his fluffy hair, that’s wildly distributed because of his dancing. His big hands that are holding the door open. His pretty face that looks at me as he asks.

“Is everything okay?” Answering him feels too difficult, with what’s going on in my head. I’ve never denied the fact that he grew up to be good looking, but to observe him the way I have tonight? Were there shrooms in the pasta or something?

So I don’t answer at all. switch my gaze to look inside of his apartment, and walk in.

“Go sit on the kitchen counter” he tells me, I silently obey his words. Walking to the kitchen and sitting on the empty counter, next to the sink.

He takes a little before he walks over to me, box in his hands. Places it beside me and inspects my knee. I watch him carefully as he takes the disinfection spray, sprays it on my knee. It stings a little but I’ve felt worse.

“Hurts?” He asks looking up at me. I quickly look at me knee, pretending I hadn’t had my eyes glued on him since he started taking care of my knee. Shake me head, because it doesn’t.

He wets a cloth with warm water and dabs in on the skin, before he dries it of plasters it shut with a band aid.

Hips leaning on the counter, hands on both sides of my legs on the counter. He looks in my eyes, tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. I gulp, for some reason.

“You look good today” he says.

Why. Why does he say that? I’m not in the right state of mind to be handling this right now. I’m afraid I'm going to make wrong decisions, decisions I shouldn’t. But he looks so damn good.. so damn good..

My eyes search his face, no expression. I like my lips, clearly some version of nervous. Still somewhere drunk, I cup his cheeks with my hands. Lean in, close my eyes, and kiss him. And he kisses me back, he actually kisses back. He doesn’t move a lot though, but also doesn’t move away.

As if a switch in my mind flipped, I break the kiss. Hands off him. “Omg, I-I’m so sorry” I apologize. Get back on my feet, ready to flee the scene walking past him.

But he catches my wrist, I swing around back to him. Hair flying around me, almost cinematically. And he kisses me again. More forceful this time, pushing my back against the counter again. He brushes a hand through my hair and rests it on my neck. Before placing me on top of it again.

He licks the bottom of my lip, testing the waters. I copy his movements. Tongue exploring my mouth, I let a moan slip. With the amount of alcohol I’ve had today, embarrassing is a stage I’ve far surpassed.

He takes it as a sign. kisses me along my jaw, down my neck. Moving my head to the side to give him easy access. His hands on my waist.

“You look good too I guess” I say. He laughs at that, sending vibrations all through my body.

“Shut up” he says with a slight chuckle in his voice.

“Make me” what in the word possessed me to say that. He’s my best friend, I don’t want this. Expected it to be Taehyung.

He stops what he’s doing, looks me in the eyes. “Sure?” He says. “yes..” I whisper. No, no is what I should’ve said. But it feels too good to stop, feels wrong for it to be him. But feels so good.

As if he doesn’t need telling twice, he connects his lips with mine again. Rougher this time, as if they’ve been wanting it for years. Though it’s just a one time thing. Doesn’t see him like that.

He picks me up from the counter, my legs wrapping around his waist. No idea where he brings me to as my back is turned to the apartment, too busy focusing on his lips.

“Gon make you feel so good” he says between kisses. Until my back hits the back of his bed. Legs still wrapped around his waist.

He takes off his shirt, he’s certainly been working out. Big biceps, soft skin, toned abs. Oh do I love muscles.. “Like the view huh?” He cocks. GOD do I want to roll my eyes at him. But instead I take my shirt off as well. Left in my bra, and skirt.

“Expected someone?” Is the first thing he said at the sight of my bra. “No” I lied. He doesn’t respond. far too occupied kissing my chest now, as my moans occupy the room.

He trails his fingers across my thighs, teasing me. He stops kissing me, looks me in my eyes. Don’t know what to say to him. No words come to mind. Brows furrowed, biting down on my lip.

“What you want bunny” he teases higher up on my inner thighs, should’ve worn safety shorts but decided not to. Wearing a baby pink, lacy thong, that matches my bra.

“Don’t call me that” I say breathily, hate it when he calls me that. Called him bunny once because I thought it was funny, he’d call me bunny too. Mine stuck, his didn’t. He knows I hate it.

“What?.. Bunny?” As he says that, he presses down on my clit. Receiving a soft moan from me. “Seems like you like it” he smirks. Hate that smirk.

He dares to shoot even lower, finger at my entrance. He circles around, not wanting to put them in yet.

I want to speak up, talk back. Tell him to shut his mouth. “I-ah, fuck” failed miserably. Just as I want to tell him off, he dips one finger in.

“Fuck, you’re so wet bunny” that stupid name again. My hand shoots up to his bicep, holding onto it for dear life. “More” he’s not even really doing anything, yet I want his big hands to stretch me out further.

He obliges, adding another finger.

“How bad do you want it bun” he asks, pumping his fingers in and out painfully slow.

“Shut up” I hiss. Though u have to admit, I clench around his fingers as he calls me that.

“Tell me” he says again and still his fingers completely. “Finger me Koo” I look at him, doe eyed. I can feel him fucking twitch against my leg as I say that. He looks at me for a few seconds, completely still “Koo?” He breathes in heavily, leaving a groan as he releases his breath.

He crashes his lips against mine, moving his fingers again. He's certainly skilled to say the least. two fingers moving in and out of me again, curling inside of me, hitting the exact right places. Thumb on my clit circling around it.

My mouth falters open, unable to kiss him back. The back of my head burying deep in the mattress. Eyes shut. Fuck it feels good.

He kisses down my collarbone. If he continues like this I'm actually going to come soon.

"Fuck, Koo" I moan loudly, he can feel my walls clench around his fingers. He stops kissing me. "Look at me when you cum" He says, well.. more like demands. "Look who's making you feel like this yun" I absolutely try my best to look at him, eyes faltering shut before opening them again. "That's it" He praises, That's what it does for me. My orgasm hitting me hard, as I try my absolute best to look at him. Tears nearly peeping through.

Both our heads snap at his door, before we look at each other shocked. "I thought you said Mingyu wasn't home" I say as he quickly pulls his fingers out of me, feeling empty inside. "He told me he was staying at his girlfriends house" quickly closing his bedroom door as the front door opens.

We both find our discarded shirts on the ground putting them back on. I run to his mirror checking if I look presentable. we both stay completely silent, holding our breath afraid to make a single sound.

We can hear Mingyu walk past the door, to his own bedroom slamming his door shut. both letting out a breath we've been holding for far too long.

Jungkook leans his head back against the door. I can see the disappointment in his face. the walls are thin, heard Mingyu in action one time.

I feel disappointed, bad for him. Poor dude getting blue balled. I'm afraid to admit I was kind of looking forward to returning the favour to him.

Who says we still can't?

I walk over to him, as quiet as I can. As soon as I approach him I trail my finger across his abdomen, placing kisses on his shoulder and collarbone.

"Bun? what ar-" I cut him off, shushing him wish a kiss to his mouth. "Just stay quiet" I whisper against his ear. my hands at his waist band, unbuckling his belt and undoing his jeans. dropping down to my knees.

to be honest I have no idea what I'm doing. mimicking things I've seen, and read. Pulling his jeans down a little, placing a kiss on his clothed cock. I can feel he's still rock hard. I can hear his breath hitch as I place a kiss on it.

Not wanting to waste too much time, I pull his boxers down too. nearly jump scaring me as he springs free. I need a moment to register what I'm seeing, I've always seen dicks as something pretty ugly. But having him in front of me like this, makes me think otherwise. He's big. Bigger than I thought existed in real life. But nothing abnormal. "Stop staring" He whispers. I meet his eyes. shaking me out of my thoughts. There's no way in hell I can take all of him.

I place my hands at his base, Notice he's struggling not to moan at my touch. Place a kiss on the side of his cock, licking a long stripe across the vein that goes from the base to his tip. placing a kiss on it as I reach the end. swiping my tongue across his slit, tasting his precum. And take him in my mouth.

I can tell he's struggling to keep quiet, his hand finding it's way into my hair. I try to take as much of him as I can, without trying to gag on him. bobbing my head up and down, moving my hands wherever I cant reach.

Never would I have thought, giving a blowjob can be arousing for the one whose giving it as well. noticing I'm rubbing my thighs together as if I didn't just orgasm around the same fingers that are in my hair right now.

he pushes my head down a little, making me moan softly against him making him groan in response. I look at him through my lashes, eyes meeting his as he was already looking at me.

I squish his balls lightly, sending him over the edge. he pushes my head down hard, tears peeking through the corner of my eyes. he comes down my throat. soft humming coming from above me as he tries his best to stay quiet. warm liquid trickling down my throat as I swallow all of it.

sucking him empty and letting go with a plop. He wipes the corner of my mouth, as I smile at him proudly. "Good girl" he says, making me clench on absolutely nothing.

He puts himself back in his boxers, putting his jeans back on as well as I get back to my feet. He nudges his head to his door that he's still leaning against.

"U can take a shower if you want to. take a tee of mine" I nod at him, swinging around to his dresser stealing one of his shirts. running off to the bathroom.

Been to his house so many times is normal for me to be here.

I walk back to his room after my shower, hair blow dried, big shirt of Jungkook's. he switches places with me and disappears into the bathroom.

suddenly it all feels empty again, quiet. events of this evening reoccurring in my head. Jungkook seemed to take my mind of Taehyung for a little. but now that, that moment is over, it all comes flushing back.

I feel so stupid to think I had an actual chance with him.

I make my way to Jungkook's bed, curling up under his covers. Too empty to even open my phone to see my missed messages. Or to look at TikTok to pass the time.

Time passes so slowly, staring right in front of me. No thoughts running through my mind, but at the same time so many.

Jungkook makes his way back into his room. I didn’t even notice until he was in squatting next to me. tucking a piece of hair behind my ear as I'm laid on my side. I look at him, only my eyes moving to find his.

"you sure you're alright?" I don't want to answer him, feel embarrassed about what happened. I feel so naïve.

"Lets pretend nothing happened okay?" I tell him. He nods. a simple "okay" leaving his mouth.

he walks over to the other side of his bed. back facing me, my back facing him. I feel like I shouldn't leave him in the dark on what happened.

"had a crush on Taehyung" I admit to him, feel like I'm admitting it to myself as I tell him. "Was talking with him at the party for like 2 hours.." he stays silent, not sure if he's listening or maybe already sleeping. "left for a drink, saw another girl on his lap when I came back"

"I felt so naïve, to think he'd like me back. but he just wanted to get in my pants. was devastated when I saw them, felt like I was gonna throw up" I tell him "Oh yeah and then I fell." I add.

He's completely silent. no clue if he's even awake, maybe he's wearing headphones. maybe he fell asleep, I don't know.

"Koo?" I say softly. I get a soft "yeah?" back, almost like a whisper.

"Wasn’t sure if you were listening" I say. there's so much room between us. I left to his house to feel comfortable, to not be alone. knew my brother would be a pain in the arse at home. and if he wouldn't, than mum would be. I feel.. empty, even tough my night was so full.

After everything that happened with Jungkook tonight, how is my mind still with Taehyung? "Koo?.." I say again. "yeah?.." Somehow I’m nervous for what I'm about to ask him, afraid he’ll reject me. Part of me knows he wouldn't. Part of me knows it isn't usually weird. Just after what happened today I'm unsure.

"Can we cuddle?" I ask quietly, Almost embarrassed.

He doesn't reply, all he does I move. Move closer to me in his bed. And as I look over I see him holding his arm up. Open for me to join him. Not a single moment in my mind that doubts rolling over to him.

He wraps me up in his arms as I hug his waist tightly, not wanting to let go of someone else at the moment. So desperately in need of physical touch, is sad.

A tear falls down from my face. too much going on at the moment. too much for me to handle. I know he can feel me sob in his embrace, I know his shirt is getting salty wet because of my tears. he doesn't mention it. caresses my hair and suits circles on my back. even places a kiss on my forehead.

"Back to normal tomorrow m'kay?" He whispers, hearing the vibrations from his chest through my cheeks, are soothing. secretly wishing they could last forever.

I nod, and fall asleep quite vastly.

prev | drabble | next

[cottoncandyswisherz]

nick sturniolo x male!oc

warnings: suggests abuse, mentions of abuse, alcoholism mentioned, meet cute

-

CHAPTER ONE:

The backseat is cramped. The boxes that hold what little life I have left are stacked in the backseat and trunk. I’m 16 years old and all I have to show for it is 12 boxes. I guess that’s what you get when you’ve been a foster kid since you were eight. 

8 foster homes, 3 hockey teams, 4 tattoos, and one innocent father later and I’m here. In the backseat of an SUV listening to Mark bitch about how slow Hannah’s driving. I’d love to blame his abuse on him being drunk but he’s sober right now. Later, when he’s had a few glasses is when the full extent of his asshole-ness really shines. But even now, I don’t wanna hear it so I put my headphones, putting on my playlist and allowing Mac Miller to take me deeper into my thoughts. 

I don’t wanna move. I somewhat had a life in New Hampshire and now I’m moving almost 3 hours away to Boston. 

3 hours away from the cabin. 3 hours away from the woods. 3 hours away from my hockey team. 3 hours away from everything I’ve known my whole life. 3 hours away from my dad. 

Dad. I have my license so it’s not like I can’t drive down and see him, but I won’t be able to go every weekend like usual. We’ll figure it out. We always do. 

I was pulled out of my thoughts when Mark threw a balled up napkin at me, which irked me just a tad but what pissed me the fuck off was when he used my first name because everyone that exists knows that’s a big no-no. 

“Siles!” 

God, even his voice makes me wanna deck him. 

“What?”

“Go pay for the gas.” he demands, shoving a 20 in my face. 

I look at Hannah to make sure she’d be good in the car with him by herself. But she only nodded toward the store with a smile that can only be described as weak. 

But we’ve had this talk. It always goes the same. I ask why she stays, she says because she loves him, I get pissed and we argue, which ends in her apologizing, but staying with him nonetheless. The whole routine was exhausting, really. 

So I step out of the car, taking one earbud out so I could hear what the fuck was going on around me. The store was empty for the most part, only three or four customers and the guy behind the counter. I decided it was safe to browse the aisles to buy myself some time away from the living breathing dysfunction in the car. But as I walk around the store, I hear the familiar sound of bickering. Sure enough, as soon as I turn the corner I see 3 people. A set of twins around my age and the other one has his back turned to me. He’s a little bit taller than the other two, and he’s louder than them. 

“Chris, Skittle Littles and regular skittles are the same fucking thing, one’s just smaller.” Wrong. “It’s not this serious. We’ve been here 10 minutes, searching for candy!”

“They taste different!” Correct.

I figure I’ve heard all I needed to hear, so I move to slip past the group, but as walk by, the tall one steps to side, his back knocking into my front. Either I my balance is stellar, or his is terrible because he starts to fall, and my natural instinct is to catch him. 

As soon as my arms wrap around him, he whips around and I notice two things. 

They’re not twins. They’re triplets.

Even though they all have blue eyes, his are different. His aren’t sky blue. They’re ocean blue. Pacific Ocean to be exact. 

I feel myself drowning in them for a second. Everything freezes and I can’t breathe. 

That second passes by quickly, though, and I pull myself together, making sure he’s stable on his two feet, and go about my day. 

I pay for the gas, pump the gas, get back in the car, and put my other earbud back in. 

We’re at our new house in roughly 20 minutes. It’s small, but nice. 

It’s not the cabin, but whatever. 

It takes 45 minutes to unload the boxes and get them in their designated rooms. It probably would have take 30 if Mark would have brought something besides his case of beers inside, but Hannah and I managed. 

The only issue is that by the time we’ve finished unloading, Mark is piss drunk and knowing what comes next, it’s not something I want to be around for. So I put my hoodie back on, grab my overhead headphones and tell Hannah that I’m going for a walk. 

Frank Ocean’s singing to me as I make my journey around this town. It’s not even Boston. It’s Sommerville. Boston adjacent, I guess. 

It’s August and the sun is setting so it’s a little chilly, even in my hoodie and sweats. I love this weather. The air is muggy and it makes life even more melancholy than usual. 

I decide that since I was out, I might ass well find a job. Partly because I need money and partly because I do not want to be in that house longer than necessary. 

Being that it’s fall and people ar going to start using their fireplaces and making bonfires and shit, it wasn’t hard to find a lumber yard that was hiring. The guy I spoke to was a tall, skinny whit guy with th most aggressive pornstache I’ve ever seen. But he was chill and hired me on the spot. So now I have a job… there’s that I guess?

niyah speaks: im writing a series for pat pat (my biggest opp) enjoy guys and lmk if you wanna be on the taglist.

taglist: @patscorner @55sturn @streamermattsgf @mattslolita

[interstellarsystem]

Waking Up After 10 Years of Dormancy – Identity, Grief, and Change

Long post ahead. This is a recount of my experiences as a headmate who was present in childhood, and then went dormant before waking up again in our 20s. There will be discussion of grief and dormancy in here, and mentions of abuse and headmate death without going into detail.

This is partially for the alterhumanovember / alterhuman writing challenge, and partially to get all of my thoughts out.

I’m Dain, a member of my system that all of the others never knew existed. I was here during childhood, though the exact year I came into existence is unknown, we think I became alive around 2008-2009. I lived alongside others sharing my body for years–maybe even up until 2014-2015. I fell into dormancy around then, and the current system had no idea I ever existed, as when I went to sleep, I took a lot of memories with me.

I don’t remember many of the others I shared time with, just that there was one we considered “the child”, what we would now call the original. I now know there was a switch between the original child and a new headmate, Archie, who isn’t the same person–but I’ll refer to them collectively as “the child” from now on, as my perspective was at the time. 

We–the others in the body–were there, living alongside the child, and I was protecting them along the way. I don’t remember fronting often, moreso… Silently observing, unable to move the body or communicate with them, but still there. Like a background process on a device. If emotions got high enough, I found myself in full control of the body, and I could get us out of whatever situation we had gotten ourselves into. Bullies at school, abusive figures in our lives be it parents or teachers, and other general stress–that was my battle to fight. I was the anger stored up behind the child’s fear, ready to lash out if needed.

As we got older, I started taking control less and less–not because we stopped needing me, but because the child had closed themselves off. They stopped allowing themselves to feel as deeply, and I was triggered into the front a lot less. Nowadays, I’d be aware it wasn’t a conscious choice, and was heavy dissociation, but back then I didn’t know. Some of the others–namely, the Pokemon I also shared the body with–had disappeared since our parents and friends were belittling us for still having “imaginary friends”. The child never spoke of me to anyone though, if they even knew I was there. So I think I only remained a little longer because of that. I’m not sure when I fell into dormancy, or if there was something that triggered it, or simply a gradual slip into sleep.

I woke up, though. At the end of last month, some others in our system had been looking at my source material. Deltora Quest, an anime based on an Australian authors novel–niche, mostly known to those who grew up in the time to watch it air on TV, or had ever picked up the books. We were looking at it again with our partner system, because we remembered it had been a huge special interest of ours as a kid, and had finally gotten around to watching more of it. Something about rekindling the interest woke me, and I was suddenly in the body again.

It, to me, was like I blinked. A foggy memory of being a child, still stressed about school, parents, and whatever else–and then a blink–and then, here. In a body I didn’t recognise, in a house I’d never been in, sharing control of the body with people I had never in my life met before. I still had all those memories of trauma, hurt and fear from before–and they all surfaced at the same time with me. I instantly panicked. After explaining where I was, Xeros, the person in cofront with me, told me that writing out everything coming into my brain could help us all organise and piece it together later. I did what it said, and wrote well over 2000 words before my thoughts slowed down a little bit–enough to actually focus. I called our partner system, calmed down after processing a bit more, and then got into bed to sleep off the residual panic.

It’s definitely taken a long while to come to terms with it. Effectively, I was in a coma for around 10 years, and the whole world moved on without me. I wasn’t in contact with any friends I remembered from before except one–who had changed a lot in the time that passed. I didn’t live where I remembered. Our siblings were so much older, as were our parents. We dropped out of school (though we’d be well past finished it by now). We got diagnosed with a whole bunch of things. We came out as transgender and are essentially completely socially transitioned and looking into HRT–even our parents know. And they know about our system too! Almost everything–if not absolutely everything–I knew before had changed in the blink of an eye. It absolutely shook me, to have my entire world uprooted and rearranged into something I couldn’t recognise as being something I have any part in. 

I felt an intrinsic heartache and felt full-blown grief over a life that, in my own experience, was “lost” through the irreparable change of time. There was no way of going back, no way of gaining back my lost years, and no way of bringing people I was close to back in contact with us or out of internal dormancy aside from sheer chance. We hadn’t died, but I had effectively died for years, and came back to a world that just… Kept moving. I mean, of course it would–the earth doesn’t stop for a single fragmented piece of trauma stored in the recesses of someone's mind. But coming back and not recognising anything or almost anyone around you… It was horrible. The sensation of loss was immense. I felt that I’d “failed” by going dormant, and learning that the child was no longer a part of the system. I felt that my entire purpose had fell through, and I was brought back for… No reason at all.

But… It’s not all bad. Far from it. The child may be gone, but our body isn’t. We’re not doomed to fail at life, as we thought back when I first existed. We’re volunteering and looking into getting an actual job, we have a stable group of friends, a loving partner system, and are on the road to moving out and getting some much needed time away from our home situation. Life isn’t horrible, and while it moved on without me, it moved in ways that were both bad and good. I don’t actually despise being here, even if I might have in the day or so after I woke up. The new group of people I share the body with is supportive, and I’ve already gotten closer to some of them. We’ve made real progress in the time I was gone, even if it all feels uncanny overall. I have a different mindset to what I had when I first woke up–I didn’t fail, I kept us going when we needed it back then. I didn’t give up, and there’s no way of telling where we’d be now if I never was there in the first place. Things are… good.

Though… I’ve got some confusing things within my own identity going on, since I woke up. Before, I was simply a fictive of Dain from Deltora Quest. Nothing much else to it, really. The child’s brain latched onto him as a strong character and implemented me into the system as a protective measure against outside forces. It all makes sense. But now? I feel like since I’ve been back, I’ve become a multifictive. Some part of me now is Tomura Shigaraki from My Hero Academia–something we’ve also been watching through, around the same time we got back into DQ.

It confuses me, in some ways. Makes sense in others. A lot of my mannerisms have changed to be slightly to-the-left of what I was before… Which does happen to lean me more toward acting like him. I questioned it without much deeper thought for a week or so, but found myself saying and doing more and more things that lined up with how he is. I suggested that I was a multifictive to our partner system, and on their second guess (and mind you, their first was a joke guess) of which character I could possibly be, they got it right. I acted enough like him to the point that others could see it, without even any hints. But it’s hard to tell where this came from.

See, I feel like if I wanted to, I could call myself a median subsystem. Others can tell which of my two fictive identities I’m leaning closer to at any given time–my voice, speech patterns and general attitude are instant giveaways. We don’t argue with each other, and the lines between Dain and Shigaraki–if there even are any–are so blurred they’re impossible to define. We can’t talk to each other, and we don’t feel a switch between us. But it’s so obvious that there’s two people, two whole identities, within what I call me. It’s incredibly confusing to think about the possible origin of how I came to be so… Fragmented within myself.

Am I the result of a new headmate that was forming (Shigaraki) getting stuck to whatever remained of the original Dain after he went dormant? Am I the original Dain with a new identity just sort of.. Added onto him? Am I two fully formed headmates put into one as a median entity for some reason? Does it even have a proper explanation that I could come to a concrete conclusion on? Well, no. Like most things that operate within systems, concrete explanations are hard to come by. My origin of why I am who I am now doesn’t matter, in the grand scheme of things, but I still feel the drive to know why I was changed by the time I woke up.

Overall? Life is confusing. Waking up has been a shock, but honestly, I’m glad I did. I’m glad I get to have a second run in this body, with new and kinder people than before to support each other. I’m still working a lot of stuff out, and I’m sure I will be for a long while after this. But… I’m here again, and it’s been a pleasure becoming a part of our new life.

[incesthemes]

consider the rakshasa in 2x02 as an allegory for john.

he's just died, and this episode is about sam and dean's grief, as well as their struggles as they try to move on from his death. the circus itself represents hunters and the hunter society they've just newly discovered (also in this exact episode), and the rakshasa is a monster hiding within that culture of misfits. much of 2x02 is from dean's perspective, and dean has just come to view his father in a violently negative light (consider the end of the episode, where he destroys the impala in order to symbolically hurt john).

so the rakshasa as john. the monster can turn invisible, similar to how john's presence in the narrative is oppressively absent: in season 1 he's missing, and now in season 2 he's dead. yet he's always present in spirit, even though sam and dean can't see him. he's an invisible force weighing down on them, there yet not.

the rakshasa also preys on children. this could be symbolic of the way sam and dean are rather emotionally immature, frozen in time due to the abuse they suffered as kids. indeed when children are featured as guest stars in an episode, they act as allegories for dean (see 1x03 and 1x18). the same thing is true for teenagers, who are typically paralleled with sam (see 1x05 and 1x08)—this present, if sparse, theming could indicate the emotional states of the brothers, or the points in their respective lives which have shaped them most strongly: dean lacks a childhood because he was forced to grow up too fast and therefore imprints on children, and sam is stuck a rebellious teenager, allowed to grow into adolescence due to being sheltered but perhaps stunted in growth as he becomes aware of the world around him and his own situation, and as he develops a lasting resentment toward john. therefore, the invisible monster john winchester is preying on sam and dean, both in their literal childhood and as their present-day selves, trapped in a state of immaturity due to a life of abuse and neglect.

i also like the little detail that the rakshasa lives in squalor, as this can be compared to the motel rooms and the car that sam and dean grew up in: their constant instability and run-down, cheap housing that sheltered them their whole lives. it's a stark difference from the comfort of a stable home, and combined with the nomadic lifestyle of a circus, there is a very striking parallel between the rakshasa's life and the life that john forced his children into.

(an interesting aside, but the rakshasa feeds in 20-30 year cycles, which is quite similar to the cycle azazel appears to be working with to create new generations of special children, which is around 23 years. not sure if this is intentionally drawing a parallel between azazel and john, but i wouldn't be surprised given the tangled-up, impossible web they exist in together.)

in the end, sam is the one who kills the rakshaka, as dean has been immobilized by it (the imagery recalling that of 1x22, where dean is immobilized by an azazel who looks like john; additionally, one can compare the emotional arc dean is suffering at the moment, metaphorically paralyzed by john's final wish and his inability to act on his own because he has spent his whole life a soldier to john's instruction). if the rakshasa is john, then it implies that sam will ultimately be the one to save dean from his conflict, the one to free him of his paralysis—and he does in 2x09, when dean embraces his codependent relationship with his brother, abandons his father, and throws down his gun to choose sam as his guide and moral center. the conflict of croatoan is all about dean finally coming to terms with the choice he's been given and making his decision: sam, above all else. and so sam is the one who saves him and propels him forward into the rest of the season, with his head on straight and his mind clear of distractions. sam above all else, no matter what, no nuance. just like here, where sam frees dean of the rakshasa's literal binding, sam too frees dean of john's emotional binding.

[jooniperbonsai]

Thanks For The Sub (ksj) | m. list

pairing: Camboy!Seokjin x Gamer!Reader (afab)

rating: 18+

status: ongoing

genre: Smut, fluff, angst, camboy au, gamer au, comedy, crack, slow burn (?), coworkers/boss/friends to lovers, an exploration of adults in their late 20s/early 30s

Summary: After a clip of you sucking at video games goes viral, you've become somewhat famous, with thousands of subscribers now tuning in each week to see you play. Overnight, you've gone from a sexually frustrated grad student who reads smut in her room to a gamer girl (or rather, a not-gamer girl). This would have been the perfect job, except it was never the job you wanted. Desperate for money to pay for grad school, you bounce between your new gig and working at a local restaurant to pay the bills, where your hot coworker-now-boss Seokjin plays many of the lead roles in your sexual fantasies. Seokjin, two years post losing his fiancé and job within the same day, is tired of the rut he's dug himself into and wants to start over. Now 30 years old, he's stuck managing his family's restaurant where he harbors an insanely inappropriate crush on you on top of carrying one hell of a secret: Seokjin is also known as Jin, a successful gay-for-pay camboy on the streaming site Worldwide Handsome. When the stress of the upcoming semester and the pressure to stream becomes more than you can handle, you seek out some much-needed stress relief online, only to discover a man who looks a little too much like your boss is staring right back at you.

chapters

thanks for the sub teaser (2.3k)

chapter one (18.3k)

Here, he was Jin, a sexy, flirty guy who could shine in the sky of his own making.  Jin, the moon.  That’s it. He was the moon.

chapter two (13.7k)

In this world of streaming, where everything feels like fractured versions of reality, parts of you being split among the pixels and delivered and digested into someone else’s home for their entertainment and pleasure, it’s hard for you to ever feel like you can have some close community with your followers.

chapter three (14.9k)

He was being let into your world little by little, even if you were fighting yourself to let it happen.  He wanted that. He wanted this: you two eating cold pizza on the floor of your living room, you chewing happily and Seokjin warm and full of life watching you do it. 

chapter four (19.5k)

The thing about thresholds is that they are a place where you exist in transition. From the street, you can hear a hum of music but don’t know the exact tune. You see faces lit by the warm lamps of your dining room, and can make out your uncle and your father’s boss. But you can also hear the rain thrumming on the roof, smell the Earth as the rain hits the soil. There’s the chill of the wind cutting through your damp clothing. The moment you step into the house, you’ll be someone else.

chapter five (17.1k)

It’s your life. You have a right to choose for yourself. No one gets to decide what choices you’ll make on your behalf. And making choices doesn’t make you a bad person or a good person. You just are.

chapter six (13.5k)

“I could go on and on. Your ticklish neck. How your lips pout and your eyes are like moonbeams. How you work so hard to make a difference and find a way to get through it despite it all. How am I so lucky to hold you right now? You’re so real in my arms, but sometimes, I swear I’ve dreamed you.”  “I’m real,” you said hoarsely. “This is real.” 

[eternal-love]

Austin and Me

“Fairytale wedding”

“Wife to the ‘king’. Icon to the world. Destined for more.”

Summary: At 18 years old, she fell in love with Austin, at 20 years old, she became his wife, by 22, she was his doll. In which Cynthia’s life changed drastically after falling head over heels with a man that promised her the moon and the stars. She takes us down the memory lane of what could’ve been— the perfect marriage.

Inspired by the book: Elvis and me by Priscilla Presley.

I do not condemn any of the portrayals I decide to do about certain people, it’s just fanfiction. And it would be divided in parts.

English isn’t my first language so I’m trying my best!

Part 1, Part 2

Weddings are supposed to be big and beautiful days for the bride to celebrate her upcoming life, well mine wasn’t. Being pregnant before marriage was a huge no with my parents, so I was terrified to tell them. I was 20! I wasn’t even out of their house yet. I had to tell Austin first, but I was terrified, what if he didn’t want to have a baby? He was 27.

At first he was perplexed, he blinked a thousand times more than I’ve ever seen anyone in my life. I was ready for him to shout and blame me but he didn’t.

“I’m gonna be a daddy…” Austin muttered under his breath before a smile appeared on his face. He grabbed me and kissed me all over the face. “We’re gettin’ married, baby!”

I was giggling excitedly, it was the weirdest thing I’ve ever lived. Ever since I was a young girl, I’ve always dreamed of having a romantic proposal— not this. But I read the room and un destroys that he was short on money. We thrifted my rings that same night, to me it was beautiful.

I waited a while before telling my parents, we were having dinner at him. My mom and dad sat besides each other in front of me, meanwhile my younger sister and brother sat on each side of me. I had kept my hand hidden and kept trying to use my left hand but the excitement got to me.

“I’m getting married.” I said nervously as I showed off my ring.

“You’re what?” My mother put her utensils down slowly, so did my dad.

“Austin… proposed.” I stuttered once again. “I said yes.”

“You do know what this means, do you, Cynthia?” My father said sternly as he wiped his mouth with a napkin.

“I know…” I knew he wanted me out of the house as soon as the wedding took place, I would only be able to visit home and never stay here again, just like my older sister did. “I’ll be out of the house once the reception is done.”

After dinner I was in my room, dreading the decision I made hours ago, was I even ready to be married? I loved Austin but to spend all my life with him. Soon enough my mom and younger sister were there with me, laying in bed, talking to each other.

“Y te juro que el me hablo pero bien lindo, ¿cómo lo iba a rechazar? (And I swear he talked to me sweetly, how could I reject him?)” I groaned to my mother, my little sister giggled.

“Yo se, yo se (I know, I know).” My mother rubbed my head softly. At the end of the day, I’d only have my mother to cry to.

“Can I be a bridesmaid?” My 12 year old sister asked excitedly, the same exact excitement I felt when my older sister got married and I had the privilege of being one of her bridesmaids.

“Of course.” I told her with a big smile.

————————————

I always wanted to have a big wedding, like the ones of fairytales. With the big dress and big wedding, I tried to tell Austin that but he was quick to always shut down my wishes.

“Baby, a big wedding it’s just too much work for the both of us. And I ain’t going to risk our baby.” Austin said as he placed his hand on my lower stomach.

“I know I just— I’ve always dreamed of my wedding being big and beautiful.” I said softly as I then pressed my lips together.

“Now— what happened to the twinkle in your eyes?” Austin rubbed my cheek softly. “All that matter is that we’ll be husband and wife, and that we’ll have a small baby with us…”

He made me feel as if wanting a big wedding was just a silly and egoistic wish, how dare I want to stress myself planning wedding and harming his baby on the process?

We looked through a bunch of salons for the reception and we ended up finding one we both liked. It was pretty and small, to keep it private like Austin wanted. I already had on mind how I wanted to look that day, my mind was all over Priscilla Presley’s wedding look. I wanted that bouffant and a similar dress, I was already skinny but with the pregnancy— I looked bloated. I needed a vintage wedding dress and so I went on the look out for one. Austin had bought himself a nice tuxedo, he had recently dyed his hair black because of a Broadway play he was doing.

The day of the actual wedding, I was excited beyond belief. I woke up at 4 AM, so did my mother and sisters. I did my makeup on my own but my room was a mess, my older sister, Jackie and my younger sister, Pattie, we’re getting ready there with me. I did my usual glam— just this time I added three pairs of falsies, Jackie helped me do my hair that day, she helped me tease it into a bouffant, then my mother helped me put on my veil. I would be lying if I said my father didn’t cry, it was the first time I saw him cry in all my life, he just hugged me tight.

The wedding was quick, we said our vows but the good part would be the reception. As we entered the salon, the guests were already there as ‘Venus’ by Frankie Avalon played on the background, I felt so— lucky. I was marrying who I thought was the love of my life.

“I’m so happy, baby.” Austin said as we sat at our table, he was squeezing my hand.

“Me too.” I whispered back to him.

My dad ended up accepting Austin as my husband, as he watched how Austin handled me so tenderly, how his big hands cupped my face, how his hand wandered around my waist as we talked to guests, how he kissed my cheeks countless of times.

“My little girl’s gonna be a good wife.” *My dad told Austin as they shook hands. Then my dad walked up to me and hugged me again, crying again as he took a step back to watch me. “Mija, tú sabes que tu mamá y yo siempre vamos a estar para lo que tú necesites (Mija, you know that your mama and I will always be here whenever you need us.)” My father said sweetly.

I cried a lot that day too, I never wanted to stop living with my family, we were very close, but I was maturing and growing up, I was starting my own family and I had to be strong.

Austin and I got married on February 12th, 2018, while I was one month into my pregnancy. We went back to his house, he carried me bridal style and laid me on the bed, he got on top of me, he kissed me.

“My wife.” He whispered softly before kissing me passionately.

It’s not like it would be my first time with him— but it felt magical. I don’t know why I felt so taken care of. I was scared, I never knew you could have sex while being pregnant, but he told me he had been doing his research. He made sweet love to me that night.

I was now Mrs. Butler— it had a nice ring to it.

I know some of y’all might not like Austin on this fanfic! He might be an asshole half the time.

[panther-os]

Full Name and Family Headcanons

For the extended 141 family plus the fruity bastard betrayer (derogatory (affectionate)), some more complete than others. If any of this is directly contradicted by canon, I don't care, that's why they're headcanons

Soap

John Steven Donald MacTavish

Two loving parents, the youngest with at least 3 older siblings, all sisters. Closely enough related to the Chief of the Name and Arms of MacTavish to a) be considered low upper class and b) know his exact place in the line of hereditary succession. Also the kilt he wears on special occasions is always the modern MacTavish tartan, do your research. Grew up in Bonnyrigg outside Edinburgh and is emotionally attached to Sir Salter Scott

Ghost

Simon Lorcán Riley

Same family and circumstances as '09 Ghost (extremely poor, abusive dad, oldest of two boys), but give him loving maternal grandparents and three cousins. He's Irish by ethnicity and heritage, which a few family members kept alive and passed down to him, but British by nationality. His great-great-(great-?)grandparents migrated to Manchester during the Great Hunger, but his aunt moved back to Ballylongford where some of the family originally lived. His cousins and maternal grandmother are all alive but think he's dead and he keeps it that way for their safety. His middle name is after his maternal grandfather who died when he was young and was given to him by his grandma. I do also hc he's trans and have a deadname headcanon for him but I don't share those. The specific neighborhood he grew up in inside Manchester was Beswick

Gaz

Kyle Adam Garrick

Grew up in Brixton in London, relatively poor with two loving but working parents, but also with an enormous tight-knit community and more neighborhood aunties and uncles and cousins than he knew what to do with. Has one baby sister but she's 20 years younger than him so she's a baby baby and he was already enlisted and moved out when she was born

Price

John Matthew Price

Grew up in Anfield in Liverpool, near the football stadium. Avid fan, ropes Ghost into Liverpool vs Man United debates every season. Ghost doesn't even like football. Middle class, working dad and stay at home mom, older sister, younger sister

Roach

Gary Parker Sanderson

Working poor, older sister, younger brother

Laswell

Katherine Emma Laswell

Middle class child of divorce, no step-siblings or step-parents, lesbian wine aunt who's basically Kate Kane (coincidentally Kate's favorite superhero)

Nikolai

Nikolai Antonovich Pokrovsky

Absent parents, one younger sister

Farah

Farah Leyla Karim

Canon family - two loving parents killed by AQ, one older brother. Her middle name is the Georgian spelling of the Arabic name Layla (see my post about Urzikstan and Abkhazia for why this spelling)

Alex

Alexander Jeremiah Keller

Two older sisters, two triplet sisters (one an hour older, one three hours younger), two younger sisters, single mom, also raised by aunt and grandmother

Alejandro

Alejandro Ernesto Vargas Leon

Grew up working poor, dad died when he was three, mom had to work, older brother 4ys older took jobs for the cartel starting at 12-ish to make ends meet and left Ale as the "man of the house" at 8. Also has one 4ys younger sister (same dad, mom was pregnant) and 12ys younger twin baby brothers (different dad who chose not to be in the picture, oopsie babies). He loves the twins but wants to hang them upside down by their shoelaces more often than not, his sister is just as mischievous but more mature and subtle about it which made her easier to raise

Rudy

Rodolfo Ildefonso Parra Rosales

Born into a poor family, cartel killed his parents when he was three, adopted by a single mom after that. His new family is unrelated to the Cartel but his bisabuela is just as feared and respected as El Sin Nombre and La Araña before her, if not more in some parts of the city. Learned his best chancla skills from her. Only child but grew up in a massive multigenerational multifamily home with at least 20 older cousins - was the baby until he was 7 and now he's the second youngest

Graves

Phillip Windsor Graves

Upper class, born to parents who had an heir to the company because it was expected of them but who didn't actually want or like kids. Essentially raised by a rotating cast of nannies

[lillylvjy]

wait- ghost?!

a/n- hey! Long time- um. Here’s the ghost au! I had no clue what to title this so, I may change it in a little bit! But this will be a series, I already have part 2 done! Hopefully people like this- but yeah! Enjoy!

Warnings// death, murder, ghost, knife (also being thrown), blood mentioned once, brief mention of reader being short (they just can’t reach something), Wilbur being a flirt, Tommy being Tommy, mentions of food and if there’s anything else, please tell me!

Edited- yes!

wc- 1.3k

You were new to the neighborhood, so no wonder why people were looking out their windows when you arrived with a moving van. Or maybe it’s because someone actually wanted to live in the house that everyone avoided because of its past.

A couple years ago, a man in his early 20’s, along with his brother, got brutally murdered in the same exact house you were now standing in. And it was yours. Nothing seemed off, but you can definitely feel a sense of sadness and anger. ‘From what?’ people may ask, but you didn’t really know yourself. All you know is that the parents moved across the world after the incident, wanting to get far away from the place that caused them so much hurt. Which is understandable.

But here you were. In that house, standing in the middle of an empty, soon to be, living room. Smiling at the ideas running through your head as you started unboxing things.

You had drug all the furniture in and placed them randomly around the room for now until you got to decorating.

You quickly made work as you unboxed everything for the bathroom, your bedroom, and anything else you had for the time being. You saved the kitchen for last, knowing that’d take you the most time with how much stuff you have from your parents and other family members.

As you started to unpack all the kitchenware you had, you quickly were made aware of your surroundings.

“Well hello!” You jumped as you heard a deep, british voice come from behind you. Quickly grabbing a knife from the holder on the counter, you turned around to see a man, brown curly hair sitting on top of his head with a grey crewneck and black jeans on, probably somewhere in his early 20’s, smiling at you.

“Who- who are you?!” You asked, pointing the knife at him as to defend yourself. Yet all he did was laugh and shake his head.

“You don’t know who I am?! Also sweetheart, you can put that down. That won’t do anything for you.” The man said as he stood up from the chair he sat in, standing taller than you thought he would, pointing at the knife. Before he could take another steps forward, you threatened him once more.

“I swear- I’m not afraid to use this! Don’t come any further!” You shakingly told the tall man in front of you.

“Darling I promise that won’t do anything-“ as he started to take another step forward, you threw the knife at him. The knife ended up lodged into his stomach. He froze and looked at you with the most disappointed face you’ve ever seen.

“Ow? Seriously sweetheart, what do you want me to say?!” He questioned as he took the knife out of his stomach. It was clean. He was clean. No blood on the knife nor soaking up his shirt.

“What the hell-“ you said as you looked at him with wide eyes and furrowed eyebrows.

“Don’t look so scared! It’s not as bad as it looks, I promise.” The guy tried to joke but you just shook your head and rubbed your eyes, wanting to get out of this fucked up dream.

“This isn’t real, this isn’t real-“ you repeated as you turned towards the sink and splashed water on your face.

“What’s not real? Me?! Because let me tell me you darling-“ you quickly jumped back from the sink, now seeing the stranger sitting on the counter next to it. “Don’t be so jumpy love, I don’t bite- I mean, unless you want me too.”

You rolled your eyes and quickly shook your head to gather your thoughts. “Ok- you better explain what’s going on and fast.”

The man sighed and hoped down from the counter. “How about introductions first yeah? We got off at the wrong foot. I’m William Watson-Gold. You may call me Wilbur or Wil, either is fine.” Wilbur said as he stepped closer to you. You moved back, bumping into the island and grasping the counter as if it’d protect you from this super attractive man in front of you. “What’s your name sweetness?” He smirked as he leant down to meet your eyes.

“Y/n.” You replied with a monotoned voice, not wanting him to know the effect he had on you so fast.

Wilbur’s smirk turned into one of a smile in ways. His eyes stared into yours as almost to examine who you were and what your backstory was. Like he wanted to get to know you. But he quickly snapped out of his head and took a few steps back, the smirk being thrown back on his face as he looks in the living room.

“You can come out now Tom.” Wil yelled out as you quickly turned to the entrance of the kitchen.

“Fucking finally- you need to stop flirting with them! It’s very uncomfortable to watch!” The boy, Tom, complained as he hopped onto the island counter.

“Ok- what the fuck?!” You yelled as you waved your hands around, trying to figure out what was going on in your home.

“Wait- do they not know we’re-“

“Dead? No, I haven’t gotten there yet. Now continuing my explanation- Me and Tom here are the two unfortunate men that got murdered in this house. We’ve been stuck in this shit hole ever since with very little human interaction besides each other.” Wilbur explained as he leant against the refrigerator.

“Which is why he’s being so flirty with yo- ow!” Tom yelled out as Wilbur punched his arm and glared at him.

“So- you two are, dead?”

“As dead as dead gets.” Wilbur said as he picked up one of the apples you just placed in the fruit bowl and bit into it. “Fuck- I forget how good food taste sometimes!”

“Wait-“ you went up to Wilbur and grabbed his hands, feeling the coldness his body carried with him. You were thinking your hand would go right through him like the shows portray- but your hand stayed perfectly in his. Wilbur would never admit it, but it felt like your hand was meant to be in his. Like it was a puzzle piece that fit perfectly together. “Then how can I touch you? Isn’t my hand supposed to like- go through you or some shit?”

“Stupid movies. No. That shit isn’t real! But us- we are as real as it gets.” Tom said as he took a bite out of the apple Wil stole.

You nodded as you slowly let go of Wilbur’s hand, looking up at him to see his eyes furrowed and almost saddened at the thought of losing that warmth you provided him.

As you both continued to look at each other, not wanting to let the serene moment go, Tom noticed the silence and looks up at the two. Rolling his eyes, his hopped of the counter and stood in between the two and turned to look at Wilbur.

“I’m going to my room- it finally has a bed again and I need my beauty sleep. And for god sake Wil, STOP FLIRTING!” Tom yelled down the stairs. Wilbur scoffed as he looked down at the floor, hiding his face from as it turned red.

“Um- so you guys are just going to be here? With me?” You asked as you went back to unloading everything. Wilbur cleared his throat as he looked back up at you, seeing how you struggled to get the cup on the highest shelve. He smiled and went over to you, grabbing the cup and placing it for you. “Thanks.”

“Yeah, no problem. And yeah, unfortunately. But! We can be somewhat fun! At least you won’t be alone.” Wilbur stated as he moved out of the room and turned to look at you. “I’ll let you be for now darling. Just call my name if you need anything.” Wilbur nodded his head as he walked towards the stairs, disappearing once he passed the wall.

He did have a point. At least you won’t be alone. That was the one thing that worried you.

But , how the hell are you supposed to live with two-

Ghost.

taglist: @deadphantomsociety @jadeissues @sixofshadowandbone @z3ro-to-h3ro @gaytoadwithapopsicle @art3m1s-adelia @mcr-pr-fob @romancingdaffodils @swevenne @maarriiii @ella-fella-bo-bella @opheliq @mysticalsoot @anon-duck (if you wanna be added, all ya have to do is ask lovelies!)

[onthecrescentofthehill]

g1deon and pyrrha + gideon and harrow throughlines scattered in all of tlt continue to drive me insane.

the initial investigation scenes post the 5th deaths where the 2nd house tries to pull cohort rank control of the situation, gideon & harrow immediately sneak away to learn that the winnowing trial was developed by the second house and cohort founders, g1deon & pyrrha. winnowing as incorporating the other, refusing distractions for the sake of true control, loyalty and duty.

gideon is wearing his sunglasses, rifling through their things. she doesn’t see it as a real place someone would live in, only a stop along the way to somewhere else, more whole.

she sees a gun on the wall that her mother's ghost will use the river memory of to try and kill harrow in the dream of cannan house:

It took Gideon a long time to realise that she was looking at something goddamn ancient: it was a blowback carbine gun. She’d only ever seen pictures. ….. The hairs on the back of Gideon’s neck had risen when the lights came on, and they hadn’t gone back down, as if her intrusion might well tempt time back to claim its grave goods. GTN chapter 19

Carbine rifle, read the key. For a moment she pitied Judith Deuteros’s last seconds. To be killed with this ancient piece of grave goods! It would have been like being set upon by a ghost out of time. HTN chapter 18

gideon reads "one flesh, one end" for the first time. she tells harrow these people were living in each others pockets, the same phrase she'll later use to describe the two of them. pyrrha spent nearly 10,000 years locked in a drawer in gideon the first’s mind bc he couldn't bear to let her go. gideon tells harrow how they feel like strangers despite growing up together.

harrow cant stand the thought and in less than a month harrow will lock gideon in a drawer and gideon the first will relentlessly try to kill harrow in her waking hours to spare her the agony he'll never learn is closely parallel to his, and when she fails to hear his real name her brain starts bleeding:

And he had said: “Ortus, have pity.”

“This is my pity, Lord,” said the Saint of Duty. HTN chapter 20

g1deon was john’s oldest friend, he carried that suitcase in his loyalty to him. then he becomes an amnesiac, immortal thanergy void, absorbing and nullifying the echoes of that catastrophe. founding the cohort that flips planets in the exact mirror to the ecological tragedy they all sacrificed everything to spare earth from. over and over again.

He didn’t even ask me to explain. That was the kind of guy he was. He and I had grown up on the same street. I’d spotted him for mince pies all the time as kids, so stands to reason he let me cut off his arm and carried a nuke for me. John 1:20

in g+p’s room harrow says that theyre all the ninth house has ( = you’re all that i have). gideon firmly says shes "NO ONE'S son or daughter"

but in less than a year gideon’s mother, sitting opposite her father, will recognize pyrrha with a sense of profound relief before her revenant is unceremoniously killed. gideon will watch through harrows eyes, in hiding:

Harrow, I will never forget the look on her face as long as I live, or as long as I die. (…) It was the smile for your old cellmate who’d just landed back in prison, the one that told them at least you were in it together—or more correctly, the smile of someone stepping out of jail after serving a very long sentence, having seen someone there waiting for her. Someone whose presence meant total reprieve, someone she hadn’t expected. It was a little bit mocking. It was deeply relieved. HTN chapter 50

i don’t have a conclusion to this rn i’m just……much to think abt. the displacement of grief, the loyalty through control, how it just happens over and over and over again and they just bear witness as tools or trapped souls or revenants, clinging to anything they can even if they don’t remember it.

[yankstrash]

it isn't uncommon for hockey girlfriends to dread development camp over the summer

for a lot of girls, this it the time where their boyfriends have to join their team in another state or worse, in another country, for the teams dev camp, meaning time spent far away from them and a hectic schedule for the boys

however, if you're amelia, you look forward to this time

because dev camp for gabe is a short 20 minute drive from amelias parents house, where she spends her summer break

how perfect is that.

her week is perfectly planned out

she wakes up, with gabe beside her.

goes to dev camp, with gabe on the ice in front of her.

lays by the pool, with gabe rubbing tanning lotion on her.

and falls asleep, with gabe on top of her.

each day is like the last, and amelia wouldn't have it any other way.

her boyfriend gets to attend dev camp for his future nhl team 20 minutes away from where amelia grew up and lives over the summer

thank you rangers for drafting gabriel.

after camp ended today, gabe drove back to amelias house, where a home cooked meal made by her mom was waiting for him

he was no doubt her future son in law, and both of her parents loved gabe like he was their own, so they were more than happy to host and cater to him while he was working hard at camp

"gabe how was camp." amelias mom asks as gabe eats the dinner she prepared for the family while he was gone

amelia was about to open her mouth and ask the same question, but just like every night he's been here, her parents beat her to it.

gabe smiles, "it was good, i like my teammates a lot. we have a scrimmage tomorrow which i'm excited for."

amelias mom nods, "i heard, drews mom told me about that. i invited them over for dinner tomorrow after you boys have your scrimmage. it's been too long since we've had a family dinner with them."

amelia smiles at the mention of that

it has been too long.

not only does amelia get her boyfriend while he's at dev camp, she also gets her childhood best friend drew, whose families house is just down the street from hers

drew came over yesterday after camp to go swimming, and amelia got her fulfill of entertainment watching the two boys push each other into the pool and argue over whose team is going to win in the scrimmage

amelia reaches her hand over and drags her nails up and down gabes back in a soothing manner as he eats

"just don't get too buddy buddy with your ranger teammates and decide you'd rather be with them than in boston for another year with me." she jokes, only a hint of seriousness in her voice

gabe smiles over at her, shaking his head

"you know that's not happening, baby. my mind has been made up even before i got to bc last august."

amelia nods, knowing he's right

gabe has always known he wants to play at least 2 years of college before going pro

even if he wanted to leave now, it's no guarantee he would even make the rangers roster, so why rush anything

she nods, "i know i know, just saying.."

"that's right gabriel, stay put. spare me a few more years before i have to see my daughter in a rangers jersey, please." amelias dad says as he walks into the kitchen, giving gabe a pat on the shoulder

"dad." amelia gives him a look, but he and gabe just laugh

"what? it'a a valid point."

gabe looks at his girlfriend and shrugs, "it is."

"it's not. but if it will keep him in boston, then sure. spare him, gabriel."

her dad smiles, patting gabe again, "all good, the isles got eiserman in the draft. we'll be fine."

amelia grins at the mention of his name knowing what gabes current facial expression is

and she's right as she eyes her boyfriend at the exact moment he's rolling his eyes and shaking his head

"god bless cole eiserman, dad."

"no. not god bless cole amelia stealing eiserman."

amelia laughs at gabes complaints

eisy is her little munchkin, and gabe hates the ginormous crush he has on her, even though it's the most harmless crush ever

he really only flirts with meels to annoy gabe, and it works everytime

"you really let that kid get under your skin, babe." amelia says, rubbing gabes arm

he groans and rolls his eyes, "he's a shit."

"he's a kid. my kid."

"he's our rival."

"you love him."

"no.. sometimes. on occasion."

~

gabe and amelia laid in bed that night while he let out his anxious thoughts about tomorrows scrimmage

"i don't even know why i'm so nervous, it's not like i'm trying to make the team this year. but still... next year. or the year after." he says as he buries his head in amelias neck "i just hope they still think i'm as good as when they drafted me."

amelia chuckles lightly, rubbing her boyfriends back and playing with his hair

"baby, if anything they're going to think you're better than when they drafted you. you took a huge leap your first year at bc and it definitely did not go unnoticed by them, trust me."

"i don't know.. i didn't even make top 10 for hobey finalists."

"well you and i both know that was a load of crap that you didn't, and i'm sure they do too. and who cares. that shouldn't have an impact on what they think of you."

"it matters."

"not that much."

"meels."

"gabriel.. go to sleep. you have a big day tomorrow."

like always, gabe listens to his girlfriend.

like always.

~

the next day, amelia sat with her mom and dad along with drews family at the scrimmage

it was like she was back in grade school watching her best friends hockey games with both of their families in the stands

only now, she got to watch her best friend and her boyfriend

what a lucky, lucky girl.

"mee mee do you have your drew fat head ready for this season?!" drews mom leans over and asks

amelias cheeks redden at the memory of her bringing a gigantic drew fathead to his games when they were younger

"oh we kept that, it's tucked away somewhere. i'll have to dig it out." amelias mom says with a huge smile

"orrrr it can stay tucked away." amelia says

"no no, i think it needs to be brought out, and a gabe one needs to be made too. we need all the encouragement we can get this season as the boys make a second run for a natty."

sometimes, the mention of the natty still makes amelias chest ache. while it's a distant memory at this point, amelia still can't seem to shake the look on her boyfriends face when she saw him after their loss to denver.

she had never seen him look so defeated

he had never been so defeated since meeting her

the closest he had been was when bc lost to bu in the beanpot, but even the look on his face after that game didn't pale in comparison to the look on his face after they lost the national championship

it was hard for her to see, and still hard for her to think about, but the boys are loaded and ready for a second shot at it this year, even with the losses the team took since the season ended

at the thought of that, amelia snaps a pic of the rink and sends it to her buddy smitty

from: meels

"the two knuckleheads are on opposing teams." she writes after the picture

he replies in seconds

from: smitty

"oh boy... what does the loser get?"

from: meels

"kicked into the pool later and an embarrassing story told about them at dinner."

from: smitty:

"yikes... sad i'm missing it. miss them and you."

from: meels

"miss you nerd. how was your dev camp?"

from: smitty

"a lot of fun, actually. i'm excited for this year."

from: meels

"good. i'll send you another pic at the natty."

from: smitty

"i will be there watching, dw."

from: meels

"too bad you won't be playing when they win."

from: smitty

"hardy har har. maybe i'll coach."

from: meels

"no thanks, we wanna win."

from: smitty

"🗿. i do not miss you."

from: meels

"ditto, loser... ❤️"

~

the scrimmage ended with gabes team winning, earning him bragging rights over drew

once the boys were showered and changed, everybody went back to amelias house and had dinner

after dinner they all had a fire outside

amelia sat comfortably in gabes lap, snuggled under a blanket and swallowed up by his hoodie

"less than a month left until she leaves us again." amelias mom looks over at meels and pouts her bottom lip "the summer is flying by."

amelia can't help but grin to herself at the mention of going back to school soon

she adores her parents and loves being home, but she is so excited to be back at school in boston with all of her friends and her boyfriend

if sophomore year is anything like freshman year, she's in for round two of one hell of a good time

soon, they will all be back together at bc

minus a few, but she is still so excited

amelia rolls her eyes playfully, "mom, i'm only a few hours away."

"i know i know.. and you love boston. i'm so glad you feel at home there."

amelia smiles, then directs the smile up at her boyfriend

"i do." she says barely above a whisper

gabe smiles back, leaning down and placing a gentle kiss on her lips then one on her forehead

"can't wait for a whole nother year of this." he whispers to her

"me too... and lucky me getting to have you so close to me during this week in the summer too."

"aren't you a lucky girl, amelia grace."

"i am."

[joysmercer]

post-season 3

Terri will freely admit that she wasn’t overly enthusiastic about her daughter suddenly deciding (with less than a month’s notice) to spend two weeks of summer at a camp run by her boyfriend and otherwise minimal adult supervision. Yes, a lot of it was because she (selfishly) wanted her daughter to spend that time with her after not being together for half a year, but she was also concerned on a more general level: across the country with no cell phones? The summer before her junior year? Terri would much rather she stay home, focus on SAT prep if anything, and prepare for her future—not go to some theatre workshop where she’s unlikely to learn anything of value. 

It did help to find out that Gina has been cast as the lead in the first-ever stage production of a wildly popular Disney movie and will also be starring in the associated documentary. This is a novel experience, can go on her college apps and résumé, and really, who is she to judge when all expenses are paid in exchange for signing a few release forms? 

Still, she misses the days she could hear about each rehearsal straight from the source instead of random teasers dropped on the Disney+ twitter account, and she especially hates that she has to work and miss Gina’s big debut. By the time intermission is called on the livestream, Terri (ever-so-grateful for the weekend off) is already en-route to California. 

Terri pulls into the Shallow Lake parking lot and spots Gina immediately among the throng of campers checking out and saying their goodbyes. She’s grown at least an inch, Terri realizes with a jolt. Gina is nearly seventeen now, on the brink of adulthood, and the way she’s carrying herself now demonstrates a demeanor entirely different from the teenager she’d dropped off at MSY just a few months ago. Why does time always move so fast with these kids? 

Gina whips around as soon as Terri slams the car door shut, as if she was able to hear it from all the way across the yard, letting out a loud squeal of delight that sends Terri’s heart melting before launching herself straight into her mother’s arms. Terri is instantly reminded of a five-year-old Gina doing the exact same thing at kindergarten pickup.

“Hey, sweet pea,” she whispers, returning her daughter’s tight hug. Some things never change. 

“Mom? What are you even doing here? I thought you were closing on the house? Oh my god, I had no idea—"

“I finished all that yesterday, and since I have a free weekend, I thought we could take a mother-daughter road-trip back home – just like old times.” While their last few moves had been too far apart to drive, she and Gina used to spent nearly every school holiday or long weekend transporting their lives across state lines while eating their fill of fast food and pancakes, touring random obscure roadside attractions, and making some of their fondest memories. 

Gina beams. “I’d love that,” she says, bouncing on her heels excitedly. “I finished packing, actually, so I just need to take care of one thing real quick and we can head out.”

Then she smiles big and wide again, an expression she saves for truly special occasions (like, apparently, 10 hours with her mother in a car), and quickly kisses Terri’s cheek. “Love you, mommy. Be back in a bit.” 

Gina sprints off in the direction of, according to a nearby sign, a “Yurt Locker”. Strange name, Terri thinks. She doesn’t have a chance muse on it (or what the hell it even means) further, though, because someone bellows GENEVIEVE MARIE! so loudly that both Gina and Terri, now at least 20 feet apart, jump at the sound. 

The source of the voice appears a second later—or at least Terri assumes that’s who the curly-haired boy with a shit-eating grin on his face now standing in front of Gina is, given her daughter’s currently crossed arms, flushed cheeks, and, surprisingly, equally playful smile. Terri eyes the boy curiously. Gina doesn’t give out her full name to just anyone and rarely allows anyone to use it (Terri can’t remember the last time she herself even said the word Genevieve, let alone added her middle name to the mix). But Gina seems entirely unfazed now, as if having this boy yell it for all to hear is a regular occurrence. Who is he?

Then she notices the acoustic guitar he’s clutching, and it hits her. Kristoff: Ricky Bowen.

It had been a while since Gina had mentioned Ricky in their weekly FaceTimes. His name had only ever come up in relation to Ashlen’s role of Belle in the spring musical, and even then, it was mostly to complain about his two left feet. If it weren’t for a panicked text conversation on Valentine’s Day (Gina’s teddy bear got lost in transit, long story), Terri would have entirely forgotten about him.

Clearly, not only has his dancing greatly improved this summer (if yesterday was any evidence), but so has his friendship with her daughter.  

Ricky pulls out a set of keys and gestures to the parking lot, fanning his face with his free hand, and that’s when Terri realizes he’s wearing…a pink-and-blue snowsuit. Gina laughs and rolls her eyes at him, clearly teasing him about his ridiculous attire for an LA summer, but when he says something else, Gina suddenly shakes her head, pointing straight at Terri. 

Terri gives a small wave to the kids, and Ricky immediately waves back excitedly.  Okay, then. 

Turning back to Gina, Ricky says something else and Gina smiles shyly and nods. Terri watches as the pair hugs goodbye, a motion that is simultaneously so natural neither think twice about it—falling into a tight embrace that nearly lifts Gina off the ground—but so awkward when they separate that Terri can feel the tension from all the way over here. Okay, then, indeed. 

Ricky meanders toward the bright orange bug almost double-parked in the last slot of the lot. Terri recognizes the car from her driveway last fall – but also remembers Gina mentioning that Ashlen’s boyfriend also drives an orange bug that the three of them and EJ would carpool to school in, leaving Terri to wonder which possibility is weirder: that Ricky and his friend got matching ugly vehicles together, or that Ricky transported his friend’s car across state lines for two weeks and his friend actually agreed to it. 

There isn’t much she knows about Ricky Bowen, actually, except that he has an apparent penchant for nabbing lead roles out from under everyone else’s noses and—surprisingly—actually justifying those casting choices. Gina’s scene partners are often so dry she has to work double-time to make the chemistry believable. Last night, however, Ricky showed a level of talent that nearly matched her own daughter’s in the way he was able to hold the audience captive even without Gina on stage with him. There was one solo of his in particular that had actually caught Terri’s attention (she had taken the opportunity to answer some emails) when, right at the end, he suddenly directed the final line of the song away from the audience and into the wings: you’re what I know about love, he sang, straight to Ana. Straight to Gina. It was not only a genius move but one she doubted he was directed to do—he must have come up with it himself. 

Still, something about him sets Terri on edge. Questionable decisions (seriously, snowsuit?) aside, he has the demeanor of a class clown, someone who stays while it’s fun but bolts when things get hard. It makes Terri uneasy, especially since it’s clear that this is someone Gina cares deeply about. 

“Sorry about that.” Gina’s back, suitcases in hand, shaking Terri out of her reverie. “I had to tell Ricky I didn’t need a ride first.” 

“Oh, I thought EJ was giving you a ride home,” Terri says, taking one of the suitcases from Gina. 

A tense silence. “Mom, I told you we broke up, remember?” 

“I know, sweetheart,” Terri quickly assures her. Gina had called early yesterday morning from Kourtney’s phone, relating the news with a quick “it was a long time coming, we’re still friends, prom was super fun otherwise, see you soon” and hanging up before Terri could even get an I’m sorry out. “I just assumed you’d keep the same arrangement since Ashlen and your other friends are there, too.” She winces. “I see how silly that sounds out loud, though.” 

“Yeah.” More silence. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Terri asks gently. 

Gina shakes her head no emphatically. “I told you, it wasn’t really a surprise. I’m fine.”

“Okay, okay, got the hint.” Terri laughs, sighing internally with relief when Gina gives her a (albeit watery) smile. She opens the car trunk and shoves the suitcase inside.

“So, why was Ricky wearing a snowsuit?” Terri asks as they settle in and buckle up, unable to keep the question to herself any longer. 

“Oh, he wasn’t supposed to be at camp at all, and showed up without a ton of clothes, so he mostly borrowed from others I think, and got pizza all over his laundry yesterday, too.” she giggles slightly, then continues, “plus the guys dumped ice water on themselves last night and he put is wet towel on top of his open suitcase, like an idiot.” She says all this with the nonchalance of someone explaining 1+1=2, not…whatever she just said about sudden enrollment, pizza, and ice water. 

“That doesn’t explain the snowsuit,” Terri says, now even more confused. 

“Rumor has it he was supposed to go skiing with his ex? he didn’t say, though." Gina shrugs. 

“that girl Jamie’s working with?” 

“No.” Gina doesn’t elaborate. 

“Well, regardless, he’s very talented,” Terri supplies. “I did enjoy that one ballad of his yesterday, the one with the guitar and lights.” 

“Oh.” Gina smiles softly, almost to herself. “I liked that one too.” 

Terri’s stomach twists, like they’re about to go barreling off a cliff they can’t see and can’t stop. 

“Is he doing the fall musical as well?”

“I dunno. Probably. It’s his senior year, he won’t have many more chances.” 

“I didn’t realize he’s a year ahead of you,” Terri says, surprised. “How are his college apps coming along?”

“Mom,” Gina groans. “It’s literally summer vacation, and believe it or not, I didn’t ask. He probably hasn’t even started thinking about them yet.” 

“Fair,” Terri says, although, internally, she disagrees. if Ricky were truly serious about his future, he would have had his summer plans set in place long ago, and a solid school list by now. 

I can tell you like him, Gigi, she thinks. And then, suddenly, I wish you didn’t. 

It’s a strange thought, and a foreign one—Gina has yet to make a friend that Terri straight-up disapproves of.  What Ricky does with his life is really none of her business, and Gina’s a smart girl—she won’t go rushing into poor decisions even if her friends are walking bundles of chaos. Plus, from the little she’s seen, it’s clear he cares about Gina, too. Maybe as much as she does him. 

But Gina in a relationship is…different. Gina in a relationship was more carefree, a little less focused. She begged to go to prom despite having an exam the next Monday, she shifted her summer plans around for a camp she showed no interest in before, and she prioritized FaceTimes and texting every night over reading or sleeping. there were no lasting negative repercussions for any of this, but if there was ever a time for Gina to conserve her extra energy for something worthwhile, it’s now. 

Ricky a good friend, Terri decides. As friends, he keeps her grounded—but anything more than that? She’s just not sure.