#2. Gender and Emotion
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i have a student conference in a couple weeks that i should be preparing my presentation for, but what am i doing instead? sitting down to outline my svsss gender essay
#i can't get it out of my head!!!#i think there would be three main points#1. Gender and Genre#2. Gender and Emotion#3. Gender and Whatever the Fuck These Two Have Going On#where the first point is about hypermasculinity in the stallion novel genre#and the second point is a more focused character study on the luo binghes#and the third is sqq's insistence on forcefemming both himself and binghe#there's also a lot of other themes interwoven with this#such as issues of power and agency and consent#all of which are themes in svsss and are inextricable from gender#but if i focus too much on those the essay will get too distracted...#so i may only touch on them but leave deeper analysis for a later essay#but this is ABSURD. I NEED TO BE COMING UP WITH A PRESENTATION FOR MY THESIS RESEARCH. WHY AM I DOING THIS INSTEAD
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NO MORE ASSOCIATING THINGS WITH FEMMES ONLY BECAUSE THEY ARE PINK!HYPERFEM FEMMES ARE GREAT AND I LOVE YOU CAMPY FEMMES WHO EMBODY PINK BUT ALSO JESUS CHRIST CAN YOU GUYS NOT GO MORE THAN ONE DAY W/O TRYING TO SHOEHORN FEMMES INTO BEING ONLY PINK UWU BABIES. I AM FEMME AS IN GRASS AS IN DIRT AS IN TREE BARK AS IN WEEDS SPROUTING THROUGH THE SIDEWALK CEMENT. FEMME AS IN GENDER NONCONFORMITY AS IN FUCK YOU MY FEMININITY IS WHAT *I* SAY IT IS. FEMME AS IN DEPTH AND DARKNESS AND WARMTH AND TERROR. FEMME AS IN CAVES. FEMME AS IN LIGHTNING. FEMME AS IN AN AMALGAMATION OF TRAITS THAT I HAVE DECIDED ARE FEMININE REGARDLESS OF WHAT SOCIETY SAYS. FUCK IS IT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!???
#personal#i am emotional yes#over the years ive had this blog I've made a few posts abt being femme#nd whether they're serious or jokey..... inevitably someone in the tags goes “ohhh yeah bc pink”#or in the case of what inspired this post: someone going “what about the pink ones” on my praying mantis post#and im just.#sick of it. im sick of femme being equated to pink and frilly girlie behaviors.#im sick of femme being equated to skirts and heels. to makeup. to skincare. to pristine nails exactly almond shaped.#im sick of ppl acting like All femmes aspire to this shit. im sick of femms being reduced to this shit.#and i love pink! i love pink! my phone theme is quite literally just black and pink all over.#im just. so tired of any expression of Femme identity being shoehorned into being a Specific type of femininity#especially as someone who DOES get dysphoric wearing skirts. wearing dresses. embodying the femme aesthetic yall are so set on making#if u guys wanna rb this i truly dont care#i just needed to scream#and this is one small thing#but the 2nd largest category of anon hate i have gotten since making this blog is str8 up homophobia from other “queer” folks#saying i cant be femme bc of how i present. calling me slurs (and using them as such) bc they cant understand femme as anything but that#my wife and i have our users in our personal discord server set as 2 different things of anon hate ive gotten#i have had OTHER FEMMES tell me i am not femme. femmes who Know im femme who still call me butch. femmes who ive corrected and been blocked#-by bc of it. the number 1 largest demographic of queerfolk who have me blocked rn is TME femmes who embody pink also#and i dont think its a coincidence at all. (and i know this bc i go to try and follow these ppl bc they get rbed on my dash & i cant)#and ik their blogs arent deleted bc some of them don't block my wife (tall. white. butch) and it cant be politics cause her and i rb#a lot of the same political shit (fuck. i think she rbs More than i do even. this is genuinely mainly a nsft blog)#and usually i don't say anything but im having a bad day so i get to be angry about this and if anyone fucking tries me i will block u#idc if we've been mutuals 4ever. im judt so tired of feeling like i am not Enough as a femme bc i dont embody this shit#im sick of this lameass lip service to he/him gnc femmes etc when the thin white 50s housewife femme is still what is preferred and loved#im sick of this lamesss lip service when y'all feel entitled to theorizing on other femmes genders bc u cant conceptualize a femme who does#wanna be hypetfeminine. im sick of it. im sick of it. im sick of it.#celebrity bun
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Monster Clover, like this is so awesomecool.
They're such a little beast and it is amazing and please i need more, like written text even i just need the juicy lore and emotional moments that are circling in ur brain.
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HAT: RETRIEVED!!
#undertale yellow#uty clover#flowey the flower#chara dreemurr#frisk undertale#monster clover au#my art#as for emotional moments. hang in there for another day or 2. got a big batch of comics coming 😈#if i ever made a fic for this au i would not advertise it. i got irls following me#they can look at all my cringe ass art but if they read a WORD of fic i wrote i would have to end it all. hope this helps#anyways. frisk appears!! i wont be doing too many canon ut characters in this little au but i like frisk :)#theyre also important for the next part#narrator chara makes an appearance too bc i love them#cowboy (gender neutral)#SORRY I LOVE RAMBLING IN TAGS </3 i love Talking#BUT THANK YOUU i also love my little skrungly im so glad other people like them so much too#mcau comic#mcau art
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pretty obvious at this point imo but i LOVE that each episode is color-coded to form a rainbow at the end of the season. let's fucking go
#dimension 20#mismag#misfits and magic 2#misfits and magic#i see you aabria dont worry queen#its another gender cascade; happy bi visibility day#i love how each color is directly related to an emotion and to magic
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“uh … it’s a bit girly … no?” javier examines himself in the reflection of his knife’s blade, looking this-a way and that, the dark blue of a large silken bow now peeking sheepishly around his neck as it sits gently in his hair. next to him, kieran clams up a smidge, hands still held close to his chest nearby his completed ribbon project on javier’s head. he finds it in himself to wring his hands a time or two rather than immediately undo his work as javier seems to continue to formulate his final opinion. “you … think so? look at me?” kieran asks, politely as a mouse. javier easily complies, turns at his hips and looks behind, up at kieran where he sits on the stump above him.
kieran, as he peers over, can’t help the meadow of flush that blooms over his neck, then his ears, then his nose and his cheeks. he can tell javier is deep in thought by the look on his face, mouth twisted just a might sideways, cocking his mustache awry, and the deep wrinkle sat between his brows. the ribbon he used matches javier’s vest perfectly, and the shine of the silk warms bright in the sun, just like every piece of jewelry and metal javier has adorned himself with. with this ribbon, javier’s hair sits lower on his head, ponytail draped down his nape and more hair framing his face in his bangs. kieran resists an urge to tuck one side back behind his ear.
kieran thinks that he looks like a painting, a muse, a love letter so heartbreakingly full of adoration that the only language it could be written in is bright swipes of pigment on a canvas. as he makes eye contact with the silk squinting around the red of a necktie, he thinks that javier may be right, if ‘girly’ could sum up ’poetry written in effeminate reverence’.
kieran always did think women made better art, wrote better books- found a better way to love. softer. warmer. prettier. like javier.
the world sounds like it’s underwater.
“i think … it’s very pretty. it suits you real well.”
earnest to a fault, the look in kieran’s eye dances gingerly with javier’s internal voice. it dips and sways him, and javier, despite his instinct, finds himself charmed by its rhythm.
“-b-but! i could take it out! if you don’t-“ javier looks down at himself in his knife again, the sunlight filtered through the leaves glinting a yellow green around his dark features, and kieran hands him patience on a silver platter. a rich blue makes friends with bright green quite easy, javier thinks. this is how he must look through kieran’s mossy lens.
“pretty … yes. you know, i think you may be right. i’ll keep it. gracias.”
#oizy asked me at some point to write about the exchange that happens when kieran first gives javier his first big ribbon … i think#and i’ve been thinking about it this whole time :’] and i’ve been wanting to write them for a long while now too so i thought it would be fu#n to just jot it down :’] … this could have been written better but i fear if i don’t post it now i never will LOL i’ll just overthink it 🥲#i have a few more writing drafts started that i hope i can finish soon …. writing is very fun for me ! i just … run out of steam easy and th#en never pick drafts up again 💔💔💔 i’m kinda the worst creater ever LOL#anyway ! yeah i think javier initially was very put off by it but kieran with all of his autismo wisdom simply does not gaf about gender#gender* roles. he just thinks ribbons and bows are so pretty and javier walks around like a little peacock so kieran thinks that he (literal#ly) deserves a big pretty bow on top !#this is still in horseshoe overlook actually. right before they move though. in the cusp of that time where javier begins to get curious abo#ut kieran and kieran begins to feel just a teeny weeny bit braver when it comes to … having a personality around the other gang members LOL#and at this point kieran’s attraction to javier (at the very least physically) has been fully realized. javier never really did like him (or#so he thought) but he’s left him completely alone for the past month or so and so kieran thinks he’s got enough emotional berth to try and#give him a gift. that’s why they’re so awkward and weird lowkey LOL javier is still a bit spiteful but i think towards the end of horseshoe#he has moments where he’s able to be very very calm about kieran and try to empathize with him. especially in the moments where kieran is so#kind to him that javier simply cannot find it in himself to think that it’s an act of some sort. it was immediately after this that javier w#ent hunting and gutted a rabbit so hard on accident that he ruined the meat by puncturing the intestines. he confuses even himself sometimes#pining ! but in a really weird and subtle and calm way ! i do think they have their moments where it’s like a wildfire in them and they just#get completely burnt up by it … but sometimes they also pine like the wax and wane of the ocean lapping at the bank. easy. calm. warm. love#unrealized yet but ever-present still. they carry the weight of love in their hearts around every day. these two are burdened by it. but whe#n they are together … this weight … the pits in their stomachs that they cannot rid themselves of … when they are together all of the sudden#it seems as though the world around them slows down. and it’s easy to feel … calm. like they belong there. like they’re okay and safe and ..#free.#anyway. i like them a normal amount :) and sometimes their dynamic is really complicated to me ! and they contradict themselves sometimes !#and that is really fun to me !!!#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#kieran duffy#javier escuella#javieran#hero more like shakespeare
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steps whose genders are "regene" send tweet
#if this counts as your steps Please hmu (or like. tell me about them in the tags) theyre the best mfs in the fandom#i was thinking about caine and his incredibly nebulous sense of gender#like hes 99% sure that regenes dont have a solid sense of gender because why would they????#and the cuckoos just referred to themeselves as man/woman out of convenience for the mission#in the au where all my main steps meet up they are. utterly Shocked 2/3 of the other steps are trans#like “you chose to be a different gender??? why???? isnt that a hassle????” <- does not realize there are emotions attached to gender#honestly even in the aus where he Does know regenes that are trans from the getgo (hi mitchel) theyre still like 60% sure its a prank#actually i changed my mind even if you dont have steps that fit the bill please say how they experience their gender 🙏#its so interesting to see#caine lynzal#sidestep#fhr#pulp speaks
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the never stop blowing up vhs is where cute twinks go to get harmed
#not art#nsbu spoilers#kirk blade.... johnny manhattan..... maybe tenuously cosmo chase#also genuinely I Love that vic ethanol is showing himself to be bit of a dick#and kingskin conversely First Actual Communication With The Player is like. idk I just work here#(I am vibrating in my seat abt liv bloodlust. shes experiencing a bit of emotional consequence. hope she powers thru it and#becomes even worse)#I also love that g13 and jack manhattan are both like. gone#I know in adventuring party they're charting it to shape up as like. usha also slowly losing herself to the work like g13 did#and them becoming one entity entirely in the sense that their selves stop mattering in the face of their hacker capacity#(also called the Forum Moderator Dilemma)#but I also like to think that g13 handed it back to usha cleanly in the second episode with that one interaction#and is now fully unplugged from everything. left the movie. man is Sleeping#we all agree that paula ate jack manhattan tho I think it's fine to assume that#and! the way russell has been like. fully going whole hog full tilt into helping other people and moving the plot along#while Suggesting That Doing Self Reflection And Learning Lessons From This World Might Help to Other People#like I love that. 1/lieutenant syndrome but also 2/extremely transfem coded#like past the ''ohh I have realisationd I'm coming to'' stage. far past. man is bored with thinking abt genders#not new realisation to him! had that thought two decades ago. not motivated enough by anything to change anything#I think I just love the scenario of like magical mystical journey in a fantasy world clearly designed to make you contemplate ur gender#and ur like oh no what? we did that years ago. whats up#deeply interested tho. open up russell we wanna see whats up with u#dang is perfect no note 10/10 more important than anything else he is genre aware and savvy and that truly is all he needs here#the ''let's make it fun'' scene he does with liv is SO good I love him. Im so scared the vhs will snatch him away. hes too genre perfect
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Thank fucking god for doctors who give a shit about your health. I just met my new doctor who is going to be prescribing my T and I feel so relieved to have someone who actually CARES
#to make a long story short. right after I logged off tumblr in may my endo wrote my T script wrong and the pharmacy couldn’t fill it#I spent a month fighting with her office and my pharmacies (2 of them because my doctor told me it was the pharmacies fault)#the entire month of June I was not able to give myself any t injections and I got my period on my birthday#I made 1 phone call to my primary care doctor on the verge of losing my mind and she was able to get my my T within 3 hours#and now the doctor that trains her and her staff on gender affirming care is now my doctor#my old endo that wrote the script wrong called me a liar and her office treated me like shit. I hope they burn in hell#they upped my T dosage and then I had none for a month. you can not begin to understand the emotional whiplash I was having#I really truly do not understand how I survived. there would be days I would be crying and having panic attacks non stop#and now I have a doctor who I can talk to day or night. and not have to worry about a thing#yapping#anyways. I love you my new doctor. I am finally safe#jasperbarks
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I was messing around the other day putting together outfits for the OGs. I forgot to give Julia a weapon but it’s ok I don’t think any of the weapon poses looked very Julie. Also one must simply imagine Lily is wearing her neo octoling boots Nintendo I miss her fucking BattleHeels
#Lily’s emotional support heels. her gender affirming boots...#Squid 2 the evolution of the squid#Lily Aoi#Cam Berry#Julia Joubin#u can’t fucking see it but Lily is also wearing the order earring.#Con stop yapping
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These bitches are NOT cisgender
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#tell me why#half their emotions are the opposite gender#especially when we see that isn’t the case for other people in inside out#one piece#dr vegapunk#inside out 2#riley inside out
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Okay so I’ve seen all those people talking about how mobius probably (definitely) has a family on the time line and that Loki will have to take him away from his family.
And this reminded me of something
I watched this show called the Orville which was a show reminiscent of Star Trek (the first seasons not that great but the next two seasons are really good)
SPOILERS BTW
In one episode in the newest season this character called Gordon accidentally goes back in time and while waiting for his coworkers to help him back he meets someone and starts a family with her. In the end they have to take him away from his family because your average time traveling reasons “your from the future so it can’t work” sort of thing.
That episode made me really sad and I don’t think I can handle that sort of thing again.
#Loki#Loki s2#Loki season 2#mobius m mobius#mobius#lokius#Orville#the Orville#the show is actually pretty good I recommend it#the Orville Gordon#like there’s this whole transgender subplot with one of the characters kids and it’s some of the most emotional stuff I’ve ever seen#like the guy just wants his child to be happy but his husband is like “I’m gonna divorce you if this our kid becomes a girl#and then they put on a whole singing shoe thing to distract the crew while she gets gender reassignment surgery#it’s actually one of the best trans things in pieces of media I’ve ever watched
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If I had a nickel for every time I had to go out of the way explain the weird dynamics and vibes of my OCs to friends in China to capture them properly in art, well... I would have 2 now
#yes sorry my ocs live in contradictions. yeah it's different impressions than my oc references. hope this helps#she's masc and cares about propriety and certain gender things and wears her heart on her sleeve and is easily embarrassed#yes she's the spoiled little princess in this relationship. yes she also is a protector. yes she's a cringe fail losergirl#and yes the other one is a pretty married crown princess who avoids having an inconvenient emotion like the plague#emotionally repressed but likes to pretend she isn't. a performance even for herself. 2 faced bitch. fem and publicly adheres to gender#things but privately doesn't give a shit. yes she wears the pants yes she's indulgent yes she's indulgent to HERSELF and yes she denies#herself what she wants. she is the lying liar who lies who desperately wants to live in truth
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If I don’t look like David Tennant after being on testosterone for a while, what even is the point
#trans#transmasc#testosterone#hrt#ftm hrt#david tennant#the ultimate gender#gender envy#I look at him and just get full of emotions#is is attraction?#yes#is it deep sadness that I don’t look like him?#also yes#anyway#I’m 2 months on t#and it slays#I already look so different#looking in the mirror and seeing someone that looks a little more like me than I ever have#it makes me feel things#so many things
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Whae d'people worry so much aboot people's gender's so bad, aye? As if it's any o' yer actual business?? Why d'ye need ta knoe what's in everyone's pants??? Sittin' up at night foamin' at the bloody mouth thinkin' aboot other folk's genetalia like a fookin' weirdo.
Respect trans folk, ye arses.
#tf2 demoman#tf2 demo#team fortress two#team fortress 2#tf2#trans#gender neutral#pride#trans pride#team fortress two demo#team fortress 2 demoman#team fortress 2 demo#emotionally xyz mercs#emotionally tipsy demo#emotional xyz mercs
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Fenris appeciation post. You're gonna have a character says these things geniunly, openly, and honorably with his whole chest ,and not have me fall in love with him? guess again bioware
#fenris appreciation post why is he the only one to apologize to hawke for things and actually able to reach emotional maturity when not in a#life of death situation#like obviously hes not this confortable with everyone and hes not used to it period but goddamn is he making such an effort and SUCCEEDING#Romantic man take my heart please dont do it literally tho#dragon age 2#also selfishly one of the things i really like about da2 is that hawke is ONE possible person#regardless of gender of class its supposed to be this spesific person#so when you have these interactions its almost underlines that these connections are unique in that they in this case im thinking exlusivel#of fenris unless he gets with isabela who i love and was my first romance as you should king#he has hawke as that special someone hes not meeting whoever happened to meet a role he met someone who was willing to help him out sure bu#he sticks around not just in town but keeps joining this unlucky son of a bitch and their bisexual crime group#im so happy he has hawke or isabela#hes so good and its so good to see him by chance get a real oppertunity to open up after what hes been trough#god im rambling i forgot my point even#love that guy
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Isaac: *discovers asexuality*
Me:
Me: I hope this doesn’t awaken something in me
#to be quite honest I have been battling those emotions cause I simply do not have the energy to deal with it#I have identified as a lesbian for a really long time and then I had the gender thing and started using she/they and now I have to-#-consider that I might be asexual or possibly aromantic? fucks sake dude#I don’t know man honestly#Heartstopper#heartstopper 2#aromantic#asexual#lgbtq#sorry for the rant in the tags#I have a lot on my mind man
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