#1000 roaches

[omgpostsplease]

he's a 10, but he would pick a person over 1000 roaches

[mother-i-crave-violence]

This is an easy poll to me, like I can fist fight, but 1000 roaches???

Their attic now

[incorrect-cod-quotes]

Soap: Hi, sorry I’m late. I was doing a couple of things and got distracted.  Roach: I’m “a couple of things”.  Ghost: I’m “got distracted”.

[a-lonely-dunedain]

I'm begging you, I'm on my knees praying, please do the omgcp would you rather question as a poll

Would you rather discover a person in your attic or 1000 roaches?

I have no idea what omgcp is but ok! being one of those lucky few who got polls I guess the least I could do is grant your request

[depression-fork]

hey it’s been a hot minute but here I am again with a weird question

Would you rather find a dead body or 1000 roaches in your attic?

Is the dead body also in the attic? How dead is the dead body? Is it still warm? Is it cold? Is it a skeleton? A mummy? A frozen corpse? Is it getting its dead body juices everywhere? Are there maggots eating its flesh? Do I know the corpse or is it random? There are many variables.

[unlawfulroach]

that re4 animation has me burying myself headfirst

[girlnero]

we need to transfer the controversial page of r/wouldyourather into tumblr polls

[zimms]

happy 2nd of december! time for our yearly poll of

[omgpostsplease]

“1000 roaches? In my attic?” - It’s more likely than you think.

[call-of-duty-incorrect-quotes]

Soap: Guess a number from 1 to 1000

Gaz: 420

Soap: No. It’s not 420 and you’re very immature, Kyle.

Roach: 69?

Soap: Yes! It’s 69!

[mactavishenjoyer]

Ghost, who is actually good at the knife game.

Soap, who likes it but will stab his hand a 1000 times playing it.

Roach, who records.

[the-queen-of-hell-666]

Halloween

Kinktober 2024 - Day 14

Pairing: Needy!Ransom Drysdale x Nurse!Fem!Reader

Kink: Shotgunning

Word Count: 1000+

Summary: You had a rough day and Ransom wanted to help relax you.

Warnings: slight dub-con (cause of weed), explicit language, explicit sexual content (unprotected vaginal sex, vaginal sex, rough sex, creampie, teasing), recreational drug use (weed), soft!Ransom, slight medical talk

a/n: This is the same au as the first Ransom fic earlier in the month. I hope you enjoy!

Banners by @vase-of-lilies

You had a rough day at the ER, it was Halloween so the busiest time of the year for the ER, and by the end of your shift it was 6pm and you had been up since 4am and you just wanted to go home. You were sweaty and your gown was covered in blood and bile from your last patient of the day and you just wanted a nice long hot shower. You took off your PPE and grabbed your belongings and jacket before leaving the building.

You unlocked the door to your apartment and your cat, Ophelia, greeted you with a loud ‘mreow’ and rubbed her side against your calf. You let out a soft sigh and Ransom was sitting on the couch with a scotch and lit blunt in each hand. You took a deep breath and set your bag down and shucked off your jacket. You walked over to the living room and slumped onto the seat next to Ransom and laid your head down on his lap. He looked down at you and set his scotch down on the side table. 

“Rough day?” Ransom hummed as his hand moved down to help you shuck your scrub top off as he took a puff of his blunt.

You scoffed, “It’s Halloween. It was hell on Earth.” You took the blunt from his lips and took your own puff and blew the smoke into his face. “I need a shower.” You huffed and took another puff. 

He rubbed the exposed skin of your belly gently, “You get a shower and I’ll roll us another one, and we can have sex.” He smirked and teased his thumb under the hem of your pants. 

You hummed softly and nodded before sitting up and handing him the roach, “That sounds nice.” You smiled and you kissed his lips softly before walking to the bathroom. 

After your shower, you walked into the bedroom in your blood red silk robe. Ransom was stark naked in bed, the sheet covering his waist and had a rolling tray, a half empty bottle of José Quarvo, and a bowl of Halloween candy in front of him. You smirked at the sight and walked over and undid your robe before laying on the bed next to him. 

“Candy and weed is my love language, Ran. How’d you know.” You teased as you grabbed the freshly rolled blunt and the lighter from the tray. You placed the filter between your lips and lit it on fire and took an inhale. You let out a breathy moan as the smoke filled your lungs, and you leaned over and kissed him before exhaling the smoke into his mouth. 

He inhaled it and you pulled away and he exhaled through his nose before kissing you again but deeper. You cupped his face and kissed him deeply, holding him close to you and you wrapped your arms around his neck and yanked him closer. His hands gripped your hips tight in his hands as he kissed you. You pulled back to take another hit of the joint and he took the joint from your lips, to take a hit of his own. You exhaled your hit and grabbed a candy from the bowl and snacked on it as you opened the bottle of tequila. You took a long swig, letting the alcohol burn down your throat and warm your chest. He leaned over to kiss your lips and exhaled his own hit into your mouth, letting the smoke invade your lungs. He pulled back and set the joint down and took his own piece of candy. 

He finished his candy before rolling you onto your back and his lips attached himself to your neck. You moaned as he sucked on your sensitive skin there and his hands trailed up your thighs and to cup your bare and already leaking cunt. “So wet, babygirl.” He hummed against your skin as he teased his fingers through your folds. He thumbed at your clit softly as his lips moved further down your chest, nosing aside your robe to reveal your breasts to him. 

You let out a soft moan and you ran your fingers through his hair gently, teasingly tugging on it. “You’re such a tease, baby.” You smirked as he took one of your nipples into his mouth, making you moan louder. He nipped and sucked his way down your body to your bare cunt but you stopped him with a tug on his hair. He looked up at you with a confused look on his face with his mouth opened slightly, “As much as I love when you eat me out, I really need you to just fuck me.” 

He smirked up at you and he kissed back up your body to nose at your neck, “Yes, ma’am.” He hummed before slowly thrusting into your cunt, bottoming out in one thrust. He whined softly as your walls engulfed his cock in warmth, “Fuckkk! So warm and wet.” He whimpered, hiding his face in your neck as he tested the waters by rutting into your waiting cunt. 

You moaned at the pleasure that shot through you when he thrusted into you, his cock brushing against your sweet spot. “Mm, fuck. Good boy. You’re doing so well, love.” You whispered in his ear as he started roughly rutting into your soaked cunt. Your legs wrapped around his waist and held him flush against your chest and neck. His hands grasped your hips tight in his hands as he started pounding in and out of your cunt. 

He held you close as he fucked into you roughly, “F-fuck, I’m close already.” He grunted and gripped you tighter. “Fuckin’ weed.” He huffed a laugh that turned into a whine as your walls pulsed and squeezed harder as you went flying towards your end. 

You giggled breathlessly, “It always did make you so sensitive.” Your back arched as his pace grew sloppy and you weren’t far behind him as he came hard inside of you, pushing you over the edge. 

You two cleaned up the mess after and laid under the sheets as you two passed the blunt back and forth and ate half the bowl of candy, and finished the last small bit of the tequila. You two fell asleep high, drunk, and happy, curled up in each other’s embrace. Maybe Halloween wasn’t so bad as long as you had Ransom.

[sleepybabybees]

Incorrect quotes because I'm bored-

Price: Ah, yes. Here we have a beautiful couple...

Gaz: I really care about your feelings!

Soap: I really care about YOUR feelings!

Price, turning their head: ...and then there's the disaster couple...

Roach: YOU NEED TO PAY MORE ATTENTION TO ME INSTEAD OF BEING AT THE HOSPITAL!

Ghost: I WOULDN'T HAVE TO SPEND SO MUCH TIME AT THE HOSPITAL IF YOU STOPPED INSISTING ON FIGHTING EVERYONE WHO COMES WITHIN A FIVE FOOT RADIUS OF YOU!

-‐---------------------

Price: You know what?

Price: When I join this friend group I thought you guys would be dealing with my bullshit.

*Soap, Gaz and Roach continue screaming about mold water*

Price: Not the other way around.

Ghost: I dunno, sounds like you need to drink the mold water.

------------------

Soap: Who the fuck broke the toaster?

Ghost: It was Gaz.

Price: It was Gaz.

Roach: Gaz broke it.

Gaz:

Gaz: ...yOU PROMISED-

-------------------

Roach, singing: I don’t want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need—

Ghost: A family.

Price: A better love life.

Gaz: Mental stability.

Soap: *clueless* Bagels?

--------------------

Soap: What's the worst thing you guys have done?

Roach: Rickrolled my teacher in 4th grade.

Ghost: I kicked Price in the shin-

Price: -So I kicked Ghost between the legs.

Gaz: I burned a town down.

Soap: What?!

Price: What the hell is wrong with you?!?

Gaz: A lot of things.

Ghost: No shit.

-----------------------

Gaz: Are oranges named orange because oranges are orange or is orange called orange because oranges are orange?

Soap: Which came first, the orange or the orange?

Price: Orange was first used to refer to the fruit 1280 years ago but was not used as a colour until 1000 years ago.

Ghost: What was the colour called before then?

Roach: There was no colour, duh! Everything was black and white!

---‐-----------------------

Soap: Why are you burning our marriage certificate!?

Ghost: Good luck trying to return me without a receipt.

---------------------

Ghost: Boo! Boo, I say!

Soap: Ghost?

Ghost: Oh, I am not Ghost. I am the scariest thing known to mankind. A failed math test!

Soap: Yeah, right… I’m gonna move on now…

Ghost: You can run, but it won’t be to the college of your choice!

-----------------------

Nik: *angrily presses Price against a wall* WHERE'S THE MONEY?!

Price: ...

Price: Are we about to kiss-

-----------------------

Nik: You need to be more careful!

Price, who was dragged into Nik's issue: Careful? CAREFUL?! I'LL CAREFULLY WRAP MY HANDS AROUND YOUR THROAT-

-----------------------

Nik, sweating: Price, there’s something I need to ask you-

Price: Finally! You’re proposing!

Nik: How’d you know?

Price: Nik, you’ve dropped the ring five times during dinner.

Price: I even picked it up once.

----‐-----------------

Laswell: Two bros!

Laswell: Chillin' in a hot tub!

Laswell: Zero feet apart 'cause we're GAY AS FUCK!

------------------

Laswell: Then either Sonic is a god or could kill god, and I do not care if there is a difference.

-------------------

Price: I love them both, but how do I propose to two people?

Laswell: Two different restaurants, one person at each restaurant. Twice the dessert, twice the applause.

Price: Won’t people think it’s weird if there is a third person just sitting there, though?

Laswell: I saw someone feed their pet peacock crème brûlée from their mouth at the French place on the corner last week: I think faux third-wheeling at an engagement is the least of your worries.

[nori-draws-sometimes]

kaido: ok, my turn. which would you rather find in your attic; 1000 roaches or a person? saiki: a person. worst case scenario, you have a new friend. teruhashi: dont you mean best case scenario? saiki: no.

[thesquishypenguin]

psst apologies that i have been away for a bit but a consideration: do you think Maxime sleeps with any plushies. i'm quietly delighted by the idea that he has a little roach plushie he cuddles to bed every night. he would rather die than anyone find out, and Valentina is sworn to secrecy under villainous threat (which of course he'd never act on, he's just embarrassed 🙈💖). Valentina thinks it's the CUTEST thing in the world and has definitely taken pics of him snuggled up with it when he's asleep 🥰💖💖💖

WEEPS I FUCKING LOVE THIS!! !

you: concept?

me: wait here's my book on it

BROTHER

I think Maxime sleeps on THE BIGGEST BED KNOWN TO MAN. I think this guy has one thousand fancy throws and blankets and is surrounded by 50 fucking 'decorative pillows' in his big ass bed. It's like a little den and its SO COZY. This is a bed fit for a king (+queen) and I feel like Maxime takes up ALL of the fucking room sprawled out all over the place while Valentina is a side sleeper right on the gd edge fighting for her life out here.

I think despite the overall size of the bed he DOES very much like feeling super cozy and snug and easily gets wrapped up in all the throws/blankets/etc (plus its extra warm and toasty uwu)

I went back on forth on if like...he does indeed have a pile of them or at least a rotation of different ones (I get the feeling he might have like...a collection of roach-themed things he just picks up along his journeys and adds to the collection). OR if he just has like THE ONE plush that's his main/only snuggle plush anD I THINK that's probably the case!! I think he's got one special one that's always in the bed with him and it probably gets more love and attention in bed than fucking Valentina weeeeeeeps he is GLUED to that thing when its time to go to sleep. This plush absolutely gets tucked into the bed when he's not in it and is well loved and taken care of!!! If Maxime and Valentina are cuddling in bed, this fucking thing is in between them and Valentina is highly likely to roll her eyes in light annoyance, though also thinks its THE most adorable thing. (is she a little jealous of it? yeah, sure!!!) I'm not sure like...how it came about. If it was something he received quite young and it just..helped fuel his interest in roaches or like.... if Valentina gifted it to him when she saw it and thought it was cute (either before or after the roach-ening). But I can just see her finding it somewhere in a store and wiggling at him with the biggest smile. " ¡Ay! Maxiiime!! It looks like jouuu!" //dances the plush at him// Maxime waving a hand frantically and shushing her before snatching it out of her hand. (But yeah for sure he's looking it over and finding it kinda funny and endearing and they absolutely take it home with them)

(Personally I was given a hand knitted owl plush (VERY simple in shape) when i was born and I called it 'Wol' - and when I was older I received a Penguin I just call Penguin and I've loved birds ever since!!) I'm also not sure if he has a name for it or if it just gets called something like 'Roachie' or 'Little Roachie'. or if it gets some kinda french term of endearment. Or if they call it separate things lmao. ( I feel like whatever Valentina would call it he finds embarassing/mocking)

She has 110% ABSOLUTELY taken photos of him sleeping soundly with it all cute and snuggled up, drooling and snoring with that roach plush pressed right up into his cheek.

1000% Agree on him being embarrassed about it though!!! He is NOT a fan of him or his things being found 'cute' he is everything but cute!!! (1000% purely embarrassed about it I feel like if you call him cute and adorable enough he'll just explode/melt about it). He definitely gets a bit snippy about it if she's taking pictures/videos but :'DDD he's just shy. he loves the affection really!

As a side anecdote I also think he's a big fan of humidifiers (at least while the air is on the dry side). roaches be LOVING them dark, hot, humid places but I think he has his limits - I don't think he likes it when it gets OVERLY wet and damp, he doesn't like feeling 'soggy' (plus it ruins his hair). So catch his ass with a little humidifier on 'his side' of the bed. They probably spat on occasion when Valentina has had ENOUGH of the humidity but it feels just right to him. (oppositely you could argue valentina is likely to have a facial steamer or smth! I love mine! I get the feeling maxime would also use it tbf that man does NOT look his age and their skincare must be on point)

As ANOTHER anecdote I wonder how many sheets they go through because he's moved 'the wrong way' in bed and his spines have caught the delicate fabric. I feel like its gotta be a LEAST sometimes!! this bitch is a FRONT SLEEPER at least MOST of the time. I feel like being on his side is at least more acceptable than being on his back (roaches are not a fan of that I can tell you. sp. if the surface is too flat or smooth sometimes they literally *can't* right themselves oof). Being on his front too means his spines are much less likely to catch on anything when he squirms around in bed.

and y/k how like animals will twitch their little limbs while they dream Q-Q i bet he does little wing shuffles/flutters. (believe me I bet valentina has videoed this and every time she shows him how adorable he is in a new one he tries to snatch the phone from her)