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Ghost, pulling a knife out of his thigh: Thank you for the constructive criticism.

Enemy who just tabbed him: What?

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Ghost, pulling a knife out of his thigh: Thank you for the constructive criticism.

Enemy who just tabbed him: What?

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Overheard at the training grounds.

Soap: Being short is so random. Like, why am I down here?

Ghost: I could lick your head if I wanted to.

Soap: Yeah? I can bite your ankles.

Ghost: Awww.

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Overheard at the training grounds.

Soap: Being short is so random. Like, why am I down here?

Ghost: I could lick your head if I wanted to.

Soap: Yeah? I can bite your ankles.

Ghost: Awww.

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Soap calls home to check on Ghost and Baby.

Ghost: … And we just ate chicken nuggets.

Soap: I wish I was a nugget and then I could hang out in your tummy.

Ghost: Are... Are you okay?

Gaz, on the back: He got shot!

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Overheard at the MacTavish-Riley household.

Soap: I don't like getting up so early. I’m a night owl.

Baby: All owls are night owls, dad.

Soap: …

Baby: You’re a regular owl.

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Soap: Hey, Simon. Are you an F5 key? Because your arse is refreshing.

Ghost, unimpressed while writing a report: Are you a software update? Because not right now…

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Texting:

Soap: What’s missing? A, E, O, U?

Ghost: I.

Soap: What’s the opposite of hate?

Ghost: Love.

Soap: What’s the opposite of me?

Ghost: Peace and quiet?

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Role-playing for sexy reasons:

Soap: Well, hello there, pizza guy.

Ghost, looking very done and holding a box: One large pepperoni and tomato with mushrooms and olives?

Soap: … Y-Yeah.

Ghost: Sorry about the delay, the traffic was fucking crazy.

Soap: That’s fine, pizza man… Er, I hate to say I’m all out of cash.

Soap, flirting: Do you take other forms of payment?

Ghost: It’s okay, Sir. You paid on the app already.

Soap: That's no-

Ghost: Have a nice night.

Soap: Simon Riley, come back here!

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Soap: I’m not a people person, I’m “a people person”.

Gaz: That’s the same.

Soap: No. I mean I like one people at the time.

Soap: And that people is Simon.

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Price: We’re glad to see so many of you embracing therapy.

Ghost: A few of you need an exorcism, though.

Soap: Rookies, say hello to Rudy’s abuelita.

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Overheard at the rec room:

Soap: There’s no breaking up in this relationship. If you get tired of me, take a nap.

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Ghost: Is it still murder if I give them a heads up?

Soap: That’s called a threat.

Ghost: Damn…

Soap: I know.

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Soap: How long are you going to be with the rookies?

Ghost: 2 hours.

Soap: I don’t like your tone.

Ghost: I’ll be with you in 2 hours, my beautiful husband.

Soap: 🧼💕💀

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Ghost: So… Johnny… what’s your favourite coping mechanism?

Soap: Are you trying to flirt with me, Lt?

Ghost: Yes.

Soap: Try again.

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Roach: Today, I'm going to teach you how to face your fears.

Rookies, nod in approval.

Roach: First yo-

*Toaster pops*

Roach: * screams *

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Roach, holding a bottle: Is this whiskey or perfume?

Soap, takes the bottle, pours some on the floor and sets it on fire:

Soap, taking a deep breath: Perfume.