call-of-duty-incorrect-quotes

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Ghost: Johnny, you need to stop being so sweet to me.

Soap: Yeah? Or what?

Ghost: Or I’ll have to write a report about you, comparing you to pretty things, and Price will have to read that report, and he will find out that I love you, and then everyone will know you are my reason to live.

Soap: …

Ghost: So don’t fucking tempt me, mate!

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Overheard at the training grounds.

Rookie01: Believe in myself? The same person who got me into his mess?

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Soap: You’re 37? You look younger!

Ghost: I let a demon possess me in exchange for eternal youth.

Soap: Haha, you’re so funny, Lt.

Soap leaves

Demon inside Ghost: You gotta stop saying that, mate. Someone is gonna believe you.

Ghost: I’m getting tea.

Demon inside Ghost: Oh, with biscuits?!

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Soap: Ultimately, it isn’t the ghost of Christmas present or past that was able to change Scrooge. He had to have his shit rocked by the literal spectre of his own miserable death being celebrated to finally decide to change his ways.

Price: For the last time. We’re not calling off the mission.

Soap: But it’s CHRISTMAS!

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Overheard at the rec room:

Soap: Nah, I’ve always been pretty chill about gender.

Soap: Like, when Shania said “Let’s go, girls” I knew that included me.

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Overheard at the rec room.

Soap: Is The Grinch his name, his ethnicity or his job?

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Soap: You may have won the argument but in my mind we’re kissing! and you're squeezing my butt! With your both hands! so who won, really? Eh? EH?

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Overheard in the middle of a mission.

Roach: Ah, yes. There it is. The hamster urge to die tragically and abruptly…

Ghost: Fucking hell, Gary...

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Soap and Ghost are arguing at the rec room.

Price: Stop fighting you two!

Soap: It’s called love, Captain.

Ghost: I’m sorry you’ve never felt it.

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Soap: Haha, that good-natured joke about my mohawk was pretty funny.

Soap: My revenge will be swift but brutal.

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Price: Alright. Does anyone have something to say?

Ghost: The fact that I can’t explode into a thousand bats to escape meetings is a constant source of irritation.

Price: About briefing, Simon.

Ghost: Ah… no.

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Soap, taking notes: What would you say are some fun beginner crimes for someone getting into lawlessness?

Price: Soap, no.

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Texting:

Ghost: You're such a piece of shit, Graves.

Makarov: You have the wrong number.

Ghost: Is this Phillip Graves?

Makarov: No, it’s Vladimir Makarov.

Ghost: My bad.

Ghost: You’re such a piece of shit, Makarov.

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Overheard at Lieutenant Riley’s office.

Soap: You look so biteable tonight.

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In the car, on their way to Alejandro’s safe house.

Soap: You saved me, Lt. I owe you my life.

Ghost: No, thank you. I’ve seen it and I’m not very impressed.

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At the park:

Baby: Can I have a cookie?

Random Old Lady: What’s the magic word?

Baby: My papa can break your nose.

Soap: BABY!

Ghost: I can, though.

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Soap: I used to think it was big of me that I didn’t hold grudges but then I realized it’s the ADHD.

Soap: I simply can’t remember what happened.

Ghost, taking his knife out: Don’t worry. I do.