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Price: Alright. Does anyone have something to say?

Ghost: The fact that I can’t explode into a thousand bats to escape meetings is a constant source of irritation.

Price: About briefing, Simon.

Ghost: Ah… no.

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Soap, taking notes: What would you say are some fun beginner crimes for someone getting into lawlessness?

Price: Soap, no.

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Texting:

Ghost: You're such a piece of shit, Graves.

Makarov: You have the wrong number.

Ghost: Is this Phillip Graves?

Makarov: No, it’s Vladimir Makarov.

Ghost: My bad.

Ghost: You’re such a piece of shit, Makarov.

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Overheard at Lieutenant Riley’s office.

Soap: You look so biteable tonight.

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In the car, on their way to Alejandro’s safe house.

Soap: You saved me, Lt. I owe you my life.

Ghost: No, thank you. I’ve seen it and I’m not very impressed.

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At the park:

Baby: Can I have a cookie?

Random Old Lady: What’s the magic word?

Baby: My papa can break your nose.

Soap: BABY!

Ghost: I can, though.

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Soap: I used to think it was big of me that I didn’t hold grudges but then I realized it’s the ADHD.

Soap: I simply can’t remember what happened.

Ghost, taking his knife out: Don’t worry. I do.

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Ghost: Baby, put your pants on.

Baby: But I’m not going out.

Ghost: You have online school.

Baby: They can’t see my butt.

Ghost: It’s cold.

Baby: I’m not cold, are you cold?

Later.

Soap: Why are you two on your underwear?

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Soap, gasps: Eyelash on your cheek!

Soap, holding it on his finger: You have to make a wish now.

Ghost: Oh… okay…

Soap: Oh no! I dropped it!

Ghost: It’s ok-

Soap: No! It’s not okay! I wasted your wish!!!

Soap: Take one of my eyelashes!

Ghost: Johnny…

Soap, holding his eye open for Ghost: TAKE IT!

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your posts literally always make me crack up. i can always count on your blog to cheer me up even on my worst days. please take these super important check marks as a token of appreciation. you don’t have to use them of course, but just know all of your followers adore you and love your blog!❤️

This is the sweetest thing ever. Thank you so much @slut4-haydenchristensen 🥹 you have no idea how much it means to me to know I can make you feel better. That's really why I do this, to make you all smile ☺️ I never check my messages, so I apologise for not noticing this before. 💕

((also, just now, I'm seeing all the messages I've gotten, and I'm feeling so bad for never seeing them/replying to them. I promise it was the ADHD. Thank you for all your lovely words. I love you all 😘))

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Texting from home:

Soap: I bought some choose-your-own-adventure books for baby.

Ghost: Yeah?

Soap: And they gave me an idea.

Soap: You’re sitting next to me on the sofa. Do you:

A. Put your hand on my thigh.

B. Kiss my neck

C. Put your tongue in my ear.

Ghost: …

Ghost: B.

Soap: It’s a trap! The cushion beneath you gives way, plummeting you to a horrible cavern filled with ropes!

Soap: Wait a minute. Ropes don't move!

Soap: They’re snakes!!!

Ghost: Johnny…

Ghost: What are my options now?

Soap: No options. The snakes bit off your cock and now you’re dead.

Ghost: Fucking hell…

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Ghost: I hate it when people ask me what I did yesterday.

Ghost: I don’t know. I breathed a lot. Probably got mad at something. Sighed heavily. The list goes on…

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Ghost: Johnny, please. Go to therapy.

Ghost: I can’t be your husband, best friend, sex toy, Lieutenant, Sparring partner and life mentor at the same time.

Soap: …

Soap: Why not?

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Overheard at exfil.

Soap: Crazy how through all of this I’m still horny.

Soap: The human spirit is truly unbreakable.

Soap, winks at Ghost.

Price: Johnny...

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Therapist: Sergeant MacTavish did what when you were having a panic attack?

Ghost: He asked me if I’ve ever considered Dr. Pepper could be a woman.

Therapist: And…

Ghost: It worked.

Therapist: Of course it worked.

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Overheard at the rec room.

Soap: I wish Americans stayed on the TV, where they belong.

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At the base gym.

Soap: Today we’re going to focus on the strongest muscle.

Soap: The heart.

Soap * hugs Ghost *

Rookies: ...

Ghost: …

Ghost: It's super effective.