#Ghoapbaby

[call-of-duty-incorrect-quotes]

Soap: Baby, did you do your homework?

Baby, presses a key on her toy phone.

The ABC song starts playing.

Baby: I’m sorry, Dad. I need to take this.

Baby takes her phone and leaves the room.

Ghost: And we’re supposed to ground her? She’s hilarious!

[queermentaldisaster]

Soap never really got a chance to know his dad. He was always out and whenever he was home, he was stoned and drunk off his ass.

His mother tried his best to raise him and his 3 sisters, but she was basically doing it on her own.

Soap was always more self-sufficient anyway, so his mother mostly left him to his own devices. That wasn't a problem, because she always tried her best to help him when needed.

Over the years though, he's grown to resent them both. His father was never there, and he feels like his mother threw him to the side since he was ‘less trouble than his sisters’.

He still can't trust anyone with parental energy outside of the field. Price and Laswell have to talk to him as his superiors, unlike how they talk to Ghost and Gaz.

Maybe that's why he was so worried when he found out Ghost was pregnant. He thought he'd turn out to be like his parents. But now, standing here, holding little Tommy? He knows he'll never be like them. He's going to give all of his attention to each and every one of his kids, and he's never going to be the mean drunk his father was. Hell, he's gonna try not to drink unless it's a celebration.

[x-snickersnap-x]

giant silent ghost walking down the street with a tiny pink backpack over his shoulder and a tiny chattering ghoapbaby bouncing along beside him holding onto his finger

[call-of-duty-incorrect-quotes]

Soap: Baby dropped my phone while Facetiming with Simon; she gasped, picked it back up and asked, “Papa, are you okay?”

Soap: It was the cutest and dumbest thing ever.

Gaz: Definitely on brand for a MacTavish.

[call-of-duty-incorrect-quotes]

Soap: Someone pushed Baby at the park and she fell facefirst into the grass.

Soap: Before I could reach her, she had gotten up, wiped the blood off her lip and charged against the kid who pushed her.

Soap: I’m not proud… I’m scared.

Soap: That’s an Alpha Female move and she’s now a legitimate threat to take over my role as the most Scottish person in this house.

Ghost, holding Ghoapbaby lion king style: I’m so fucking proud.

[call-of-duty-incorrect-quotes]

🧼 Ghoapbaby's bathtime 🧼

Ghoapbaby: Why is my shampoo “tear-free” but yours isn’t, Papa?

Ghoapbaby: Your tears are just as important.

Ghost, lower lip trembling: They are?

[call-of-duty-incorrect-quotes]

Ghost: There’s an owl at the window.

Baby, excited: My Hogwarts letter!!!

Soap, panicking: My Duolingo streak!!!

[call-of-duty-incorrect-quotes]

Baby: Dad! Papa! Look, it's raining! The ground has freckles like me!

Ghost: She's so adorable, why is she so adorable?

Soap: Because she's our baby. Not to brag, but we're both fucking cute.

[call-of-duty-incorrect-quotes]

Ghost, calls home to check on Soap and Baby.

Soap: I feel like a single mother of three taking care of her all by myself.

Soap: She’s so cute but so exhausting…

Soap: This is how having me around feels?

Ghost: ...

Ghost: Yes.

[call-of-duty-incorrect-quotes]

Ghost: When I met her I should’ve recognized the red flags because she immediately wanted to move in with me.

Ghost: 2 years later, she still has no job or money and I can’t do anything without her watching my every move.

Soap: …

Soap: Stop talking like that about our daughter.

Ghost: She needs to get it together.

[call-of-duty-incorrect-quotes]

Ghost: I come from a long line of people who should not have had children but did anyway.

Looks at Soap and Ghoapbaby playing on the carpet, covered in stickers and laughing while singing.

Ghost: But it worked and I regret nothing.

[call-of-duty-incorrect-quotes]

Soap: Baby made 100 pounds on her lemonade stand today in like an hour.

Soap: Turns out people were handing her 5 and 10 quid notes and she was just assertively saying “Thank you for the tip” adn not offering change.

Soap: Also, Simon was there…

[call-of-duty-incorrect-quotes]

Texting.

Ghost: I’m going to feed Baby and I can’t find the formula.

Ghost: Johnny?

Ghost: Johnny, where is the formula?

Soap: Chill, Plankton. I’m on my way.

Ghost: …

Ghost: What the fuck did you call me?

[call-of-duty-incorrect-quotes]

Laswell: Why are you wearing a suit, John?

Price: I’m visiting Johnny and Simon for the first time since Baby was born.

Laswell: And?

Price: And first impressions matter, Kate.

[call-of-duty-incorrect-quotes]

Baby: Permission to use lethal force, Sir?!

Soap: Permission granted.

The other kids at the park start yelling in terror and running away from Baby.

Ghost: She’s so fucking cool.

Soap: That’s what they get for making fun of her freckles.

[call-of-duty-incorrect-quotes]

Ghost, holding Ghoapbaby gently in his arms: I don't know why people say parenting is hard. I just do the opposite of what my dad did with me.

Ghoapbaby: Goooo?

Ghost: I love you too.