#.maybe i... maybe i shouldn't hate myself for things that i would feel compassion for someone else enduring.

[dreamerdrop]

My achievement for today is that I stood for ten minutes straight before I got dizzy and had to sit down.

Ten whole minutes! I was talking the whole time, too! I haven't been able to do that in forever!!!!!

[blueslight]

Im in such a weirdly shit mood today i feel so sad and isolated and BORED out of my motherfucking mind and I just feel like asssss

[redditreceipts]

I’ve been closed to getting peaked and checking out radblr for a while but something gets me about how much a lot of radblr hates ftms idk. There’s a lot of emphasis about how even if sex is otherwise consensual, lying to get consent you wouldn’t have otherwise gotten is rape by deception, which I agree with. However, on a post talking about straight men admitting they claim to be gay just to get sex from ftms “desperate for validation” I didn’t see a single radfem calling this out as rape by deception??? Just honestly people making fun of “delusional straight women” and how them getting manipulated by straight men into believing gay men want them “makes dating life harder for real gay men” and something just irks me about it. There’s a lot of talk about how feminism needs to fight for even female people who disagree and fight against our own rights but it feels like some radfems have no sense of solidarity for ftms, and can only conceive of us as tragic self hating lesbians or manipulative homophobic straight women. And it’s just frustrating because anyone who’s been ftm/some kind of transmasculine in trans communities know how much we don’t get to say fucking anything if it might remotely offend mtfs. I think claims of solidarity for women you disagree with is bullshit if you can’t find solidarity for female people who identify as trans.

hey :) sorry for the late answer

I think that this impression comes because of three reasons:

a lot of feminists receive insane amounts of harassment from ftms. like, death threats on a regular basis. especially on tumblr, where there are a lot more of trans men than trans women, it's just statistically more likely to get harassed by a trans man. but because of this, many have this kind of reaction towards trans men when they really shouldn't. I get that it's kinda hard to fight for the right of a person when they have just sent you death threats, but at the end, you are of course right and we have to fight for every female person, no matter their opinions. also, not all trans men engage in that kind of behaviour.

a lot of people here are detransitioners or desisters (people who have identified as transgender, but now have decided to not take the medical route). I myself have been identifying as non-binary for some time, but now I know that this came from internalised misogyny. I'm sometimes scared about what would have happened if I had listened to many ftm activists and taken the medical route. it's hard to not get bitter when I see people on here telling women just like me to start testosterone and maybe make the biggest mistake of their life. and there's always the thought of "that could have been me". but well, in the end, we can't act as if all trans men did that kind of thing. it's just a portion, even though they are the most vocal ones oftentimes. (also, there probably are some people for whom medical transition is the best option. we talk a lot about how internalised misogyny influences gender dysphoria, but there might as well be cases of gender dysphoria that people are just born with, or that are so ingrained that they can't be healed. these people deserve compassion and acceptance too)

for the thing with trans men in gay male dating spaces - that's probably where we disagree the most. I have been on lesbian events where there have been "trans lesbians", and there has been an insane amount of guilt-tripping, incel behaviour, and I have been sexually harassed by a "trans lesbian" who later went on to rape a lesbian (and yes, this weren't some internet people, all of that was in person). a lot of us have been exposed to this kind of predatory behaviour, and I think that there is no excuse for a straight person to go to a gay event and expect people to date you. full stop. is it shitty to trick trans men into sex by pretending to be a gay man? yes. is it sex under false pretenses? yes. are both of the involved parties engaging in a similar behaviour (i. e. acting as something you're not to have sex with members of a marginalised demographic)? yes. should we fight for and try to protect trans men? also yes. is it hard to have sympathy for a person that went into a space trying to do conversion therapy on gay men so they can have sex with them and got tricked themselves? at least for me, it is. but should we try to get over that feeling and help these trans men as well? definetly.

but well, I actually think that you yourself can add some interesting perspectives. being a feminist is not a religion, and you can find your own opinion. you don't have to agree with everything that is said here, and we are not like certain other online groups where everyone has to be in line or they're a traitor (or at least I hope not). if there are things you think people on here are wrong about, speak about it! tell us how to better support trans men and even better if it's from your own experience :) if you think that there is a voice missing, you yourself can be that voice. :)

[luverofralts]

Arkhelios Adventures

"We really need to bring this cottage into the new era. We don't need pictures of war criminals on our walls for 'history's' sake. Respect the past, but focus on the future. Yes. Yes, I like that. When I get a free moment, I'll mention it to the palace art team."

Maura murmured to herself as her eyes took in everything in the cottage that she wanted to change. It was her reign, and the cottage should reflect that. While she did love the historical photos and would probably face an intense battle to move them with her relatives, times had changed. Photos of King Ben, the national hero who had saved the islands from Pleasantview, but had murdered several of his children as well as some of their spouses, the Red Queen, who had no business being on any wall because of her crimes, and Queen Celeste, who tried to overthrow the grim reaper while enslaving her zombified mother, disgraced the warm feeling Maura wanted the Siew family cottage to have. Maybe if she put all their pictures upstairs in what had once been King Ben's office, she could balance honouring the past while still creating a better future.

"I can shove that picture in my attic if you'd like. You're glaring at it like it kicked a puppy."

Maura turned to see her cousin Claudia walking up to her, her usual confident smirk on full display.

"You're welcome to it," Maura offered, smiling despite her frustration. Claudia often had that effect on her. "I'm making a list of photos that may need to be retired."

Claudia scoffed.

"Just imagine living with the portraits of terrible people whose blood runs in my veins every single day. Pleasantview would fall before it gave up worshipping the ghosts of its past."

"Well, I guess you don't have to worry about being lost to history someday," Maura teased. "Give it a century or two and you'll probably be promoted to a demi god."

"I would make an excellent demi god," Claudia agreed. "But you can't be inventorying every picture here. Some of our relatives were good people. Not many, but some. Besides, don't you have a royal archivist? I just email mine and the pictures are rotated within a day. They deal with all the safety procedures needed to store the pictures for the next hundred years and I get something new to look at. I know this cottage is for all Siews, but the monarch of Twikkii Island owns it, so it should fall within your archivist's obligations."

"I'd prefer to deal with them myself. They can store them for me, but I'll be making the choices of which picture to display. It's probably the thing I like most about this job. If my mother had lived, I'd imagine that I might have been a royal curator for her. There'd be more pictures of Trent and Callista than I'd like, but no job is perfect."

"Very noble of you," Claudia remarked dryly. "They are your half-siblings, I'd imagine your mother would want pictures of them around. Honestly, with your complexion, jealousy's not flattering. You're the queen, and Trent is an orphan. Have some compassion for your little brother or are you getting rid of those pictures because the people in them are starting to look just like you?"

"Not all of us come from the two happiest dead people in existence. I'm an orphan too. My father was murdered by my grandmother. Mom shouldn't have remarried. She just forgot about him, like he didn't even exist."

Claudia raised a skeptical eyebrow, baffled at her cousin's behavior.

"Are you okay? Usually your daddy issues aren't this obvious. Added to a pregnancy that is obviously not your wife's, you're starting to look a little unhinged. Is something happening? I can help, unless you've got some insane grudge against me too."

"It's nothing," Maura snapped, turning away from her cousin. "It's just pregnancy hormones. Everything is great. I love my life. Everyone is jealous of my good fortune, so I should love my life. And I do."

"You could always step down if you hate your life," Claudia teased. "I'd be happy to claim my inheritance from my mother and add Twikkii Island to my realm."

Maura shot Claudia a nasty look, but after a moment to think, the nastiness faded into a weak smile.

"Do you have days like this? Days when you just want to fake your death and flee somewhere you've never been? That makes me a bad person, right? I feel like a bad person."

Claudia wrapped her cousin in bone crushing hug.

"All the time. I think about what my life would have been if Dad had never found out his true parentage. Would I be happier? What job would I have? It's only natural when you're in a position like ours. It doesn't make you a bad person to have doubts about your life. It makes you human. Look, why don't you come visit me more? Or I can stop by your place and we can go to that wonderful spa we went to before your wedding. You need someone to talk to, and I'm probably the only one who understands what you're feeling. Unless you want to ask the old, boring kings of Strangetown or Crystal Cove."

Maura laughed, despite her mood. Claudia always had been good at getting under her skin.

"Okay. I promise to spend more time with you to stop from being a complete bitch all the time. Ulyssa would probably love to have me out of the palace for an afternoon anyway. For now, help me log which paintings I should store. You know our history probably better than even I do."

Claudia craned her neck, looking for a certain portrait that had always creeped her out.

"I'd vote for that one," she said, pointing across the room. "Every time I'm here, one of the dogs is always barking at it. It has to be cursed or something. Something is off about it."

"Ah. You have a good eye. It creeps me out too. It's King Ben, after all. The man was a monster. No wonder the dogs can sense his evil."

"Oh, there's a million pictures of him all around this place," Claudia scoffed. "He was a fine king. He saved your country from becoming a part of mine under my psychotic grandfather. The heroism and the murders kinda cancel each other out, I think. No, he's not the problem. She is."

"Who? Is that his cousin or something? The names aren't engraved on the frame."

"His sister, Winter," Claudia replied. "She was a hell of a witch. I have some of her books in my library. Talented, but like you, a little unhinged."

"Ha, ha. I'll add it to the list."

"Are we supposed to be doing something? I feel like we should be doing something."

Adam looked nervously around the cottage, looking for guidance. It wasn't often that they were invited to the Siew cottage and just standing in it made Adam paranoid that he might accidentally break something expensive. He'd been there before, of course, but he never truly felt welcome.

The Siew family was gathered for a family barbecue, and even those at the far ends of the family tree were invited to celebrate. Adam and Remy got their invitation because their half-siblings were Siews. Elowen and Bronwen weren't just going to leave Adam and Remy out of a royal feast just because only their mother had married into the Siew family.

"Don't start cleaning something just because we don't have titles," Remy groaned. "We're invited guests, not the help. We're not doing anything to set up. Period. Our earned coven titles are more than good enough."

"Apprentice is a better title than princess or Duke?"

Remy punched her twin on the arm.

"Yes. Yes, it is. Now let's go find our sisters. They probably know where the booze is."

"Dad! You made it! I thought you, Dad, and Vrai were going away this weekend."

Ewan Traver embraced his father, Travis Traver, surprised at his presence. Ewan had inherited the title Travis had never wanted, and took care of the Goldman estate and all the responsibilities that went with it. His father, despite being born in Twikkii Island to two of its citizens, disliked spending any time on the island. He had been raised in Pleasantview and Crystal Cove. However tropical the island was, it held no allure for Travis, so his presence there was somewhat surprising.

"Your father and Vrai went ahead. I might join them later, but I wanted to be here. The anniversary is coming up and it's good to be with family. This was where she grew up. I wanted to see it the way she once did."

Ewan paused, unsure of what to say. His Aunt Celeste, better known as Queen Celeste of Crystal Cove, had practically raised his father after their father died giving birth to their half-brother, Ewan, and their mothers were murdered. The two siblings had been unsettlingly close until Celeste's death, due to the stranglehold she had on Travis' life. She blocked his mother's family from contacting him and insisted that he name his oldest son after their father. Aside from eloping with Ewan's father, Leonid, Travis' entire life had been carefully planned by his controlling sister. But Celeste had been gone for over a decade now and Travis was free to chart his own path forward. He hadn't recognized Celeste in the year or so proceeding her death, and he couldn't forgive her for telling his biological family that he didn't want anything to do with them. Or co-running a cult obsessed with killing the Grim Reaper. Or naming the child she created to sacrifice after him. Or murdering their half-brother, Ewan, as a child.

There were many things Travis hated about his sister, but every year near the anniversary of her death, he spent time in Twikkii Island, trying to understand the little girl who had been born there and where she had gone so wrong. He hadn't had any insight on how to forgive her yet, but every year, he was hopeful.

"So, are you going to help plan the memorial ball this year? Edana has been pretty busy and I've got some of the vendors lined up, but I could use some help."

Travis smiled tightly. The queen had provided a grant to the Goldman estate to celebrate Travis' parents after it had been revealed that their deaths were caused both directly and indirectly by the crown. Unhappily, the deaths of his parents and the death of his sister fell within the same month, so every time he left to grieve for his sister, he was expected to also celebrate the lives of the parents he'd never known. The anniversary of the day that his daughter, Tristianne, had been taken from him was only a few months later. It seemed fitting that he was in a polycule with the Grim Reaper; death seemed to follow him wherever he went.

"We'll see," he said at last. "The hospital still might call me in for a few consults. A retired doctor still has his obligations to old colleagues."

Ewan mirrored his father's tight smile. That was a no. It would hurt less if his father would just tell him upfront that he wanted nothing to do with whatever Ewan or the queen planned. It would be far more honest.

"Sure, just let me know your schedule when you can. No worries if you're busy."

"Isn't there supposed to be food at a barbecue? I'm starving."

Elowen set up the pool table while Victoriana waited.

"The food won't be ready for another hour at least. Mom said we have to wait for Grandma and Grandpa to come and they're at work. Grandpa refuses to let someone else touch the barbecue when it's his 'passion'. They'll be here soon enough though."

"Very soon," Adrienne agreed. She was too young to play pool, but she enjoyed watching the game. It was the closest she got to socializing with her extended family.

"Fine, I guess I can wait. There were chips in the kitchen though, right? We could steal some of those."

"Do you like my dress? I got it last weekend in the Pleasantview mall. It was on sale and I couldn't possibly say no to it."

Bronwen spun around dramatically to show off her dress to Fiolett. The younger girl clapped enthusiastically, wishing that she had a dress that pretty. She had a lot of dresses, sure, but they were all picked out by her dads. Fiolett couldn't wait until she was a teen and could pick out dresses for herself. That was a long way off though, so she admired other people's dresses for now.

"Be sure to congratulate Roman and Abe for me. That's wonderful that they renewed their vows. If I could find it in myself to forgive Trent if he cheated on me, I'd want to renew our vows too. It's a fresh start. Good for them."

"It's not entirely like that, it's...." Adrian trailed off, trying to find the words to explain a demon wedding. Truthfully, he wasn't entirely sure himself what Abe and Roman had volunteered for, but he didn't want Cindra to know that. "Well, maybe it is a bit of a vow renewal. Theo officiated it, so I guess it's like a magical, demonic vow renewal. You couldn't talk me into one."

"That would mean walking down the aisle again," Cindra teased. "We all know you're terrified of weddings. Otherwise, Evren would have a ring on his finger by now. Are you ever going to make an honest man out of him?"

Adrian frowned, not liking the direction their conversation had turned.

"Maybe. Not that it's any of your or Trent's business. It would make the legal process of passing my title to my legitimate daughter from another marriage harder. It's just easier this way."

"It does not," Cindra laughed. "Everyone knows that Luciana is going to become a duchess one day, the queen more than anyone. She'd have the legalities all sorted out in an afternoon. You're just chicken."

"I am not! Evren doesn't want to get married either."

"That's not what Trent said after he went bowling with Evren last week. Evren told him that he's just waiting for you to make a move. You'd say no if he proposed, so he's waiting for you to do it."

"He would never say something like that to my cousin," Adrian insisted. "You're just hoping to plan another wedding, no matter who it's for."

"Who can blame me for wanting to celebrate love? Planning my own wedding went amazingly and I want to plan another one!"

"Wasn't your little sister, Lauren, around here somewhere? Plan her wedding!"

Travis Maricourt was as far as he could get from the noisy group of people as he could be. His parents weren't coming until later, so most of the afternoon was his to sneak off and enjoy. Claudia wouldn't force him to socialize and Oliver hadn't bothered to leave college for a family event since their mother's birthday. Their father's birthday was coming up, and that was probably the last Travis would see of Oliver until the next family birthday. Travis couldn't wait to start college and finally get some time to himself without his parents "encouraging" him to talk to people he had no interest in talking to.

He didn't trust his annoying relatives not to read his journal if he brought it with him, so instead, Travis brought his magical theory workbook. Theory didn't feel like homework to him, like it did to his classmates. It was fascinating to map out the bones that held up the living world, to see how the pieces of an existential puzzle clicked together. His parents talked a lot about how the worlds of life and death overlapped, and Travis simply had to know how it all worked. Not that he would change existence or anything if he learned how. He just had so many questions.

"You were right."

"I usually am. Today, I wish I wasn't, though. I don't know what this means. There's definitely a current running through here, but why?"

Izanami bowed his head, contemplating the situation.

"I don't like this," he finally decided. "This feeling...it feels old. Demonic, probably."

"It feels like it did over a decade ago," Lukas insisted. "Like when Leo was attacked...but also different. There's this sense of...nothingness. Can you feel it too?"

Izanami nodded his agreement.

"I'll contact Gee and let him know how he should do my job. You can't intervene here."

"I know that. I'll go to the school and make sure that the children are safe. I'm not taking any chances with their safety. But this will probably blow over and be fine, right? Oh! Arterius! Call him and tell him to meet me at the school. Just because he's an adult doesn't mean he's exempt from family meetings."

"Of course, dearest. I'll join you in a moment."

Lukas vanished into a shower of sparkling light. As soon as they were out of sight, Izanami closed his eyes and tried to listen to the hum of existence. Screams echoed over loud waves crashing against jagged rocks. A hurricane roared as it churned into existence. A royal ship cracked in two as it sank beneath the wild waves.

Lukas lifelessly lying encased in a glass tomb. A howl of wind that swept away the souls of the dead. The cold truth that sometimes even the dead could die.

It had all happened before, and now it was happening again despite Izanami's best efforts. A shiver ran down his spine as he felt several names engrave themselves on the list in his son's office. The deaths had been finalized. There was no hope of changing them now. It was beginning.

[dailycass-cain]

This week the GOTHAM WAR has begun. Is the basis for this "war" for Catwoman/Batman work? How does Cass fit into this? I'll give my thoughts on it...

So the basis of the event is Catwoman is training the "hired help" of Gotham. Instead of working for Scarface, the Riddler, or Two-Face. They're off doing their own things in robbing the rich. But already there's a problem with that...

So the basis of the event is Catwoman is training the "hired help" of Gotham. Instead of working for Scarface, the Riddler, or Two-Face. They're off doing their own things in robbing the rich. But already there's a problem with that...

Not just the easy answer. Court of Owls.

Sure, maybe a few of them use mooks. This very issue brings up Professor Pyg as using "hired" help, but it feels kind of wrong for Pyg to do this sort of thing.

When Dollotrons have been his modus operandi. Why need thugs when breaking folks into nothing is far cheaper?

What's to stop Pyg from doing that exactly again? Nothing really. So all Selina is replacing is Pyg from going to hired back to his old ways.

That's not good at all. That's kind of why Batman and the Bat-Family are needed.

That isn't bringing up the "biggest" bad himself, the Joker. There have been numerous stories of the Joker just by himself making Gotham a literal hell without any hired help.

The Joker at his scariest is when he's by himself. Even then he's causing all sorts of harm in Gotham.

Those are the "easy" examples.

What about the other villains who already have an operating gang say Punchline and the Royal Flush Gang? It feels like writers Chip Zdarsky and Trini Howard make Selina's case paper thin.

That's not to say Batman's side is any better, "My parents were rich line." Was not the intended dramatic moment the book had. More made me chuckle as it could've easily been photoshopped with, "MY PARENTS ARE DEAD!" instead.

Likewise, is Selina's retort. Literally, again there are so many examples of Bruce showing compassion to folks by using his fortune.

Just alone in Batgirl (#63), we had this scene. That's just one moment that easily popped in my head.

It just feels so wrong for the basis of this "war" to be so flimsy when there are better ways for it. Aka the bot that literally subjugated all of Gotham because Batman took "a life" (that turned out to be false).

There's so much to see Selina's side of things when Failsafe had domain over the city. We have barely seen the city or ANYONE react to that.

Like that alone is more a cause for SOMETHING than what we're getting initially here.

I digress I could go on and on poking the holes into the fight itself, but how does it relate to Cass? Well, already she should be against Selina's plan.

A life is a life.

No matter what Selina's way will take lives. So…

The fact this is all glossed over with her being silent. Just says it all for me that her part in this is already "planned".

I'll probably hate it.

I'll probably despise it.

I thought long and hard about what the best course of action during this event would be for me. I really do love the artists attached to this event. I do love Cass. However, I do not like the context of the event AT ALL.

The answer is kind of right in front of me. Well, three answers. Birds of Prey (out next week), Spirit World, and Detective Comics. I adore two of these and by all things considered with the preview, I'm gonna probably LOVE BoP.

So instead of going into long rants and give myself stress I shouldn't need. I'm just gonna enjoy the good art.

If there are bad moments (which I'm sure there will be) in this event. I'm gonna call it like I see it.

But as for going into detailed thoughts like this? That's it. This is all this event is getting out of me. I have too much enjoyment else to give my focus too.

I just feel sorry for the fans of Duke, Tim, Stephanie, and Barbara. Those fans gotta suffer thru this as Damian, Cass, Kate, Luke, and Dick get to play outside this "sandbox" of woe.

This comic was garbage. This story is garbage. It's just best for me to look away for the most part and enjoy the stuff with Cass that I do have outside "the war".

That's my thoughts on it all. 😁

Now to enjoy a BETTER COMIC next week.

[twixtandshout]

I'm just thinking about him in the car. Watching movies with his hand around my shoulder. And I said "This is scary but I trust you, let's move slow" and he said "I don't need to worry about that, I want to go fast now." I said "You could destroy me with this if we're not careful but here's everything I can think of that would hurt," and he said "Lol okay" and then did everything on the list, and when I said "Can we talk about that?" he hit a few more on the way out. And I can't talk about it, any part of it, because it's been a month now and god, you're still upset about all this? He put a sun in his status and said he was moving on two days after everything was over, and I'm out here still throwing up from stress, but oh you can't say that because won't you consider it'd make him feel bad to know he hurt you? Don't you know opening your mouth is a violent act, that you can caveat and bubble-wrap yourself as much as possible but because it comes from your tongue it can be nothing less than calculated effort to some unseen conclusion of yours? I have been so much of his confidence and he has robbed so many words from me. "You wanted romance I couldn't give you. I would have rather been brothers." And you never said that with your face to me, I hate the words "led me on" but what am I supposed to think when you say you were addicted to using me, I would have been fine closing off any dream of romance so long as you put a hand on my head and said you cared, but I can't even say we "broke up" because even that is "pushing my agenda" and forcing you, offstage, into labels you never wanted. I have been turning myself inside out to understand you, to make myself less than the trauma nightmare you've made yourself to me, and god forbid my compassion be anything less than comprehensive when you only ever opened your mouth to tell me I've been grasping and needy and pathetic trying to apologize. I guess if you're not willing to come to the negotiating table every attempt at compromise is weakness. And when you pulled me close, arms around me – did you know, even as I said you felt like home? That if I said "Please treat me with basic consideration," you'd say "I didn't think we were serious enough for that"?

You said you'd hold me as long as I let you. I said I was terrified you'd throw me away as soon as I wasn't new or interesting anymore, and you spent weeks with "forever" as every other word out of your mouth in reply, swearing you'd wear my mark on bended knee. But I'm the one who was pushing too hard. Getting too many ideas in my girlish head. I was too invested, I shouldn't have been hurt by such a trivial thing; I didn't put enough effort into meeting your needs, I keep trying to fix things that should have just been given up on. You're getting me coming and going, you know? And forget all of that, every word you said and told other people but not me and everything you never said at all – the bottom line is, you treated me like I didn't matter.

And even if there was a way to tell you that anymore, I don't think you'd care. You said it already – I "wasn't that serious" to you.

(But none of this is the pristine immovitude expected of me. It's my job to stay steady, and saintly, and silent; we're not allowed to be a thing that hurts. Just think – if you have emotions, if you're allowed to feel and express things imperfectly, who could everyone else depend on! If only you'd just shut up and taken it, nothing would have had to change. You're so articulate. Surely, if you trip and grab for someone's arm – surely, if your nails dig in, if they unbalance under your weight, if you upend a buffet table – surely it must have been intentional, and never mind how many times you said you'd talk it out as many times as it took. What a kick in the pants, already out the door! "All you have to be is –" Perfect. Perfect, or nothing; or maybe just a fool for letting hope knock shyly in the first place.)

[hologramcowboy]

I used to love Jared very very much, i had a Sam fanart blog, i defended him so hard, because i have always believed he is a good guy. Then that thing with the tattoo happened, and i'm not going to lie, it hurt. The thought that maybe he looks down at people like me was too much.

Do you understand my predicament? Jared did something that made me think he might be racist, but i can't and won't asume that he is, because i don't know him. But the damage is done, and I just can't look at him the same anymore.

And who did that damage, who ruined my fandom experience? Not Jared, but the assholes who blew up the internet talking shit about him.

I can't love him like before, because if he turns out to be a racist, my heart would be crushed.

So the best course of accion was to distance myself from that parasocial relationship.

Point is, that's the thing with celebrities, sometimes we give them too much power over our hearts, and they don't even know that we exist!

We should just look at them as regular people.

You are hating on Jared due to an assumption without doing due research. The symbol he tattoed is a texan symbol, you can find deeper research on it on this blog, just look through the tags or use keywords and find out where the symbol orginated and what it actually means. It's also used on license plates or something similar (sorry, can't remember but I'm sure someone will mention in the comments) in Texas, so does that make all those people racist too?

As for racism, you have so many cases that evidence the very contrary, Jared is warm, welcoming and supportive, he is inclusive and you see thay even with his spin off, just look at the amazing cast he's put together. So what exactly is your assumption based on?

I do get being afraid of being dissapointed, that's human but it's also important to not let other people's conclusion cloud your own moral compass, intuition and perceptions and to be careful when it comes to perception biases. Jared doesn't deserve to be labeled as a racist, he's done nothing to earn such a label and he never will. He's never harmed, targetted or devalued anyone of a different race so please consider all the secure truths you do know about him before embracing such a dark lie. You have personal account from people, from different backgrounds, religions and ethnicities that have met him, experienced him and have shared incredibly special things about how he has impacted them. That's real proof of his impact.

At the end of the day, what a person tattoos on their body is an intimate choice, we shouldn't get to judge and nothing Jared has ever said or done supports the theory that he has the inclinations you mentioned in your post. Rather, he most likely wanted a symbol of Texas and picked that one without looking too deeply into it. Either way, he doesn't owe anyone explanations about what he tattooes on his own body, which is solely his property, and he is harming absolutely no one. He simply made an uninspired choice and vilifying him for it is going way too far. Also, the same people that are calling him a racist send death threats on the daily, engage in cyber bullying, stalking and other similar behaviors what does that make them? Not to mention the biases they have towards people from different backgrounds or countries...

That being said, I think you are very wise to distance yourself if you no longer feel comfortable about something. Follow your inner compass, just please don't vilify people without truly doing deep research on them.

[thecameronchronicles]

The Foster-Part Three

TW: hints at smut. Language. Angsty situations.

SUMMARY: Situations arise that being certain relationships to light, as well as desires and tensions….

WORD COUNT: 1700

*ORIGINAL CONCEPT*

The Foster Part 3

She was flawless in every way you picked yourself apart and it made your eyes narrow at her. It was the only action in which allowed Kiara to find something to like about you, a mutual loathing for the effortless beauty that was Sarah Cameron. Leaving a string of insecure girls and aroused men in her wake without the means or care of doing either. At least to everyone but John B, it seemed. 

"Haven't you done enough?" Kiara shot as she stood before John B, your eyes widened as JJ leaned over to you. 

"Sarah got our golden boy fired after he borrowed some scuba gear..." 

"Stole, you mean-"

"Doesn't matter. Just goes on to prove once again why you can't trust Kooks..." 

But if you happened to learn the details of their mutual disgust for her presence, nobody validated this more than Kiara. 

"Don't you have a boyfriend to irritate? Some friends to stab in the back?"

"This isn't about you Kiara." She tried to look back towards John B, resuming a conversation that didn't have a chance to begin. Her siren eyes flashing to you for only a moment before you looked at John B. 

"You shouldn't even be here." The girls continued to throw cruel remakes at one another before you recognized the fire behind Kiara's eyes. The one that would come just seconds before she would lunge, something you believed you knew well as you'd done the same. Many times. 

"It isn't worth it..." You explained before Sarah scoffed. 

"And who the hell are you supposed to be?"

"I don't know what's going on, but-"

"Stay out of this-"The way Sarah projected her hand to your face was enough to alter any potential kindness into an upset rivaling even Kiara's. 

"I think you're on the wrong side of the island, Barbie. Maybe you need to get back to whatever ken doll you've managed to victimize long enough to realize you're pretty dense otherwise-" You tapped her temple as she hit your hand away. 

"You think because you're new that your opinion matters. Hate to break it to you, sweetheart. You don't. You and whatever sob story you rode in on. Piece of advice, you might want to try putting a little effort in because whatever tragedy is responsible for the bags under your eyes will only make people feel bad for so long. Won't be enough for anyone to stay-" The very thing you tried to keep from happening to Kiara had now been what forced John B to wrap his arms around your waist to keep you from attacking Sarah. 

But from the second he pulled you away, you were able to feel every pull of each muscle as he took you into safe parameters. For Sarah's sake. When you were finally released, you repressed a pout as you found an odd comfort in his grasp. 

"Come on, Rocky..." He teased while taking you into his room within The Chateau. 

"If all Kooks are like that, I can see why you don't get along."

"Usually Sarah's actually manageable...Until recently, anyway."

"Yeah JJ told me about the scuba gear. Why did you take it?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you..." He confessed before looking over his shoulder. "And they'd kill me if I did "

"Well I have nothing but time and need something to calm myself down before I find out just how many hair extensions she has." 

"Damn, scrapper...okay...But just keep an open mind." And with this, John B began to tell you every detail that had transpired since before he was sent away into the system. Details of treasure and gold. A sunken Grady White and a dead body. An old compass and its connection to a clue that brought him unintentionally to now. But where he expected you to become even more inquisitive or even confused, you just laughed. 

"Fine then, don't tell me."

"I'm serious. My dad spent his entire life looking into it. Taking our rent money and just disappearing-" He was suddenly on his feet.

 "Come here..." He took you across the hall and into his dad's office. Walls littered with research of an old maritime vessel you pegged as "The Royal Merchant." Your fingers came to the collection of books, mostly too dusty to appreciate a lack of care for, until looking back at him. 

"He left this..." A tape recorder placed what had been a final message along with a map. The contents sending your mouth wide. 

"Shit..."

"And I was on my way to finding out more before being hijacked by the state-"

"What exactly are you after?"

"400 million..." Pope spoke in the doorway. 

"Don't get me wrong, I didn't ignore the fact you had my back with Sarah, but it doesn't mean I forgot you stole my clothes." Kie added.

"Actually, I gave them to her..." John B defended, his eyes reaching across the space to you rather slow climb as you adored the attention and defense for a moment. 

"Well still...I guess you're one of us now..."

"You should have seen the look on her face. I don't think I've ever seen a princess that pissed..." JJ finally entered. 

"She knows..." Pope explained, slightly disappointed. 

"Good because in case y'all haven't noticed, we aren't the best at keeping a low profile..." 

"Speaking of that..." John B suddenly alerted you all of the new and unwanted arrival. 

"JJ..." Kiara warned. 

"Swear to God wasn't me...I don't think..."

"J!"

John B collected your hand within his own. 

"I'm trusting you. Please don't make me regret it." He spoke into your ear, squeezing your hand just enough to leave an impression of the warmth he could allow. His body leaning down to you as if to tell you it would be alright. 

"If they see you, they'll take you both back!" Kiara reminded as everyone looked to one another before you and John B were ultimately left waiting for the other to offer some grand masterplan. 

"Closet. I'll take care of them..." Kiara spoke somewhat reluctantly before pushing you to the direction of his room. Before you could object, the bedroom door came closed. 

"If you felt better about it, I could probably squeeze under the bed-" You would allow him even a second before taking him within the closet, the sound of steps approaching having meant you escaped in the nick of time once again. 

"Maybe if I had you around the first time, I never would have been caught..." He spoke in a low whisper. .

"But then you never would have been blackmailed." You reminded, reading the tension of his torso as it was forced against you. The heavy exhales forced from shirt inhales making you well aware of just how close he was within the darkness. 

"You can trust me, John B." He scoffed. 

"Sarah said the same..."

"I'm not her..." You could feel his smile. 

"You definitely aren't..." The sudden sensation of his fingers against your knuckles pulled your own breath to quiet. Even though your heart hammered within your chest, you couldn't help but wonder if it was with intent. Because of this, you remained still. Growing more desperate by the second. 

"I'm glad you did."

"What?" 

"Blackmailed me. It wouldn't be nearly this much fun without you. Or entertaining..." You smirked to yourself. 

"Or..." He continued, his touch having now rested on your elbow as it made that stealthy climb. 

"Or?" Your voice was weak, truly consumed by the moment and the closing proximity that continued from adrenaline and apparent fate set you a part of. 

"Okay all-" JJ tore the doors open, revealing just how close you and John B had been. An unnecessary closeness that existed from your need to be close to one another. 

"Uh..."

"It's late." Kiara interrupted Pope's inability to formulate a sentence of any kind. 

"Yeah..." John B clenched his jaw in disappointment. 

Within a handful of minutes, Kiara returned home after following Pope to his father's borrowed truck to wish a good night, leaving JJ asleep on the couch, and you unsure of where you'd rest for the night. But one thing was for certain, you needed to wash the day off. Between running the night before and the near scuffle an hour prior, you were anxious for that cleansing feeling. 

"I don't think Kie left anything else, but you can borrow a shirt of mine..." 

"You sure?" He nodded. 

"Least I can do for how you defended us..." 

You nodded, slipping across the hall before starting the water. Testing the stream below, you turned to find John B's reflection in the mirror. His eyes trained on you in a way of regret for having been interrupted prior. Your lips pulled to a widening grin before you teased your fingers along the line of your shirt. But just before he would learn of your proclivity of white lace, you closed the door. 

The shower was uneventful yet sultry in theory. You imagined John B making his way into the steamed room, collecting the curtain in a forced pull, and joining you to enact the visions that contradicted your attempt to get clean. Yet the events of the night brought you to smirk at yourself in comparison. You hardly knew him. Even if he made your thighs press whenever he was close and offered some sense of safety you could explain. He was really no more than a stranger. 

With heartbreak eyes. Tempting lips. Muscles that could pull you effortlessly away from gravity. It was enough to bring a blush to his cheeks and your hand in a teasing descent before you remembered how close he had been. How his chest fell against yours. How his breath rested at your lips…

Because of this, you retracted any attempt to silence that need between your legs and finally exited from the shower. But once doing so, you became nervous on what you'd say when seeing him again after your near peep show seconds before shutting the door. After a moment's hesitation, you decided it was better to face the music, but found him looking at you instead. 

Without a word, just as your lips parted to speak, he moved into you. His hands at your hips as he walked you back into the sink. A final look for consent offered to you before he then surprised you with a soft kiss. But it was that instant collision that offered only a glimpse of the passion he was capable of. 

Passion you were soon to learn from this unexpected turn of events. 

TAGLIST: @hopebaker @drewspisces @penny4yourthoughts @magnificantmermaid @pickingviolets @lovedetlost @trikigirl271 @maybankslover @slut4tangerine @slvtherinseeker @obxiskewl @bluesongbird @slut-era @ailee-celeste @camilynn @sweetestdesire @onmykneesforrafe @jjmaybanksangel @phildunphyisadilf @mashdan0916

MASTERLIST

JOHN B ROUTLEDGE MASTERLIST

THE FOSTERS MASTERLIST

MARCH MADNESS MASTERLIST

[it-is-the-female-federal]

so i'm a detrans radfem (detrans'd back in august) and the past few weeks i've been really examining my attraction to others for the first time since i came out as bisexual years ago. and im starting to think that maybe i'm heterosexual and i just. don't know how to cope with that. being part of the 'queer' community was such a big part of my identity for years, and then even after i detransitioned i still was proud to be a bisexual woman and part of the LGB community. but really i can barely remember any specific times i was sexually attracted to women except when i forced the feeling while very briefly dating a girl back in high school. i just had assumed i was bisexual bc i like hanging out with women a lot and theyre objectively rlly pretty and i would love to find a female life partner but. theres just this strong sexual desire i get with men and not women and i'm finally realizing that but i hate the idea of being a straight woman, especially as someone who has made the choice to not date men for political and safety reasons. on top of that, all of my friends are bisexual and with how many jokes we've made about heterosexuals in the past, i'm worried i wouldn't fit in as much. sorry for the rant i just felt upset and needed to get it off my chest

Sweety, I am glad you found a way to get it off your chest, and if you want a bigger conversation, my dms are open.

Anyway, it is normal to feel confused as a teenager and if you are surrounded by a certain group you want to fit in. I think all the women are pretty, so of course you should be attracted to them muddied the water of the conversations around attraction. Aesthetically pleasing and attraction/desire are different things, and people need to accept that yeah, sometimes you happen to be straight. My test whenever I doubt my attraction is, can I envision myself having sex with a woman and enjoying it. My answer is always yes, but it has helped me make my feelings clearer. I think you have had a similar train of thought and came to the conclusion of being straight. It is difficult to accept parts of yourself that you put away, but if they are truly your friends, they will support you. Especially if they hung arpund after detransitioning. That is not easy to accept, maybe in q**** spaces, but they stood by you as you found more of yourself. Sexuality is a part of you, but it isn't you nor your identity or personality. You are more than the sum of your attributes, and the defining characteristic shouldn't be your sexuality, but your compassion or kindness or passion. I wish you lots of luck on this journey of self-acceptance, and my dms are open. Hopefully, you got something useful out of my response. I want to wish you the best of luck anon❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

[shawnjacksonsbs]

I probably feel about you how you feel about me, except without the hate. 10-26-24

"People shouldn't be afraid to express their opinions." - Eminem

I'd like to think I'm past that. Grown up away from that side of it, the hate side of it.

I know I put a lot of my heart into trying to not be that, but also without backing down from, what I believe.

It's a hard battle sometimes, mainly because it's such a fine line running between both.

The video in the comments gave me goose bumps to watch, for sure, but it's the quote I'm trying to focus on.

. . .

I'm sure I feel the same about the opposition as they do about me, at least in terms of . . ."How could you believe that side? Or you're falling for that crap!" etc, etc, etc.

I'm definitely an "anybody but Trump" kinda guy, but regardless of where you land politically, these opening and closing quotes are gold.

And then, seeing him welcome Obama, I got chills, but I digress,

I'm not the first to say that I only want the greater good for all of us, but I do want that.

Our biggest difference lies in who we believe and which side we believe will get us there.

One of us is being ignorant and the other is being arrogant(?), or . . . Or maybe we're both being both?

Just give up the hate, and let people be who they want while making choices they believe is best for them and theirs.

Do we really have freedom to, and freedom from . . .?

I mean, really??

~

Things I catch myself doing that I'm trying not to do . . .I still fall short of, probably a lot more than I'd like, but it's like those indirect jabs you hope startles someone awake.

True motives are ours and ours alone. So knowing the why, we do things is on us.

I have things that bother me when I do them. And things that don't.

To reference a specific incident, I had a cousin say something to the effect of, "Someone would have to have their head in the sand" Now . . .not a direct jab at me but grouping me with others that I align with, so I'm jabbed all the same. Lol

I want so bad to be bigger than those times. But like I said, I fall short sometimes myself.

How do we, the ones that don't want to play the us vs them game, stop?

How do I show love and compassion to the side that hates me, while letting both sides know it's not o.k.? How do I get others to follow suit?

'Cause even those that lean my way, do us no justice sinking down to that other level from time to time.

I want to be over it, without losing my way.

#stopthehate

#stoptheugly

Life is too short to spend such a large part of it "against" other human beings thinking and trying for a bigger, better, brighter future.

Mr. ROGERS would be so disappointed.

Feel your feelings. Don't be ashamed and don't let anyone make you feel less than, for doing so.

None of them care about us anyway, not individually, not really. The politicians, I mean.

How am I gonna carry hate in my heart for someone, especially someone I care about, based on an aspiration of a political, elite puppet(s) who will never know my god damn name?

Got 5 bucks says that our daily lives aren't severely affected in any abnormally negative way after this election, no matter who wins.

Just like every other ridiculous hate fueled election we've ever had before.

How many of these have you lived through now?? I mean, c'mon.

Life goes on, and the people we care about in the first person way, like inside 6° kind if way, all die, but yeah hate on that guy who wants a better life for his daughter and doesn't really know all the truth and then bases it all on what he believes in his heart to be true.

. . . .

I want you all to share in the love and the laughter of those really around you . . .before it's too late.

If we stand up, it's game over.

Stop playing it their way. (We could just stop playing the game at all, but that's a whole other conversation)

That's it.

Just quit.

Talk to your neighbors and stop hating people because it's easy or it's the "in" thing to do.

It's so fucking . . .fucked up.

Anyway, until next week;

"And I don't think anyone wants an America where people are worried about retribution, of what people will do if you make your opinion known." - Eminem

[quicksilver87]

Coping Regrets

Where was this pain few months ago,

why didn't i think to just let her go,

maybe things would different be,

if i gave her time and just met for tea,

playing this game since we broke up,

tore us apart and hit like a truck,

now i am crying, here is the pain,

all just came crashing to me like a train,

finally feeling the end of the rope,

how can i think this, how can i hope,

for them to be fighting, for her to be sad,

to come back again, why am i so mad,

the darkest part of me is screaming inside,

pulling the strings that want her as bride,

just please shut up and let me cope,

i wish her happines and gentle slope,

not to get lost and be broken again,

but to enjoy life in the right lane,

my cries still loudly repeat the same words,

i want her, i love her chirping like birds,

i wish i could know what future holds,

but nothing should go back to old molds,

work on myself that is the right plan,

she still could mine be in this lifespan,

just go with the flow and let her be happy,

even if you feel that life is so crappy,

but still don't want to loose this belief,

belief that holds for my soul relief,

she said she believes in you, hold on to that,

but don't take it as hope, just a head pat,

you see in her eyes what your soul said,

that part of her wants to continue our thread,

life without love is a not really for me,

but i shouldn't dream of what it could be,

maybe my plan will break me apart,

maybe it will lead to a work of art,

believing in us will help for a while,

but future is fluid i will get a call,

call for new love or old one again,

stop and hold on, live through this rain,

right now and forever she will be one of those,

that you just meet once, a beautiful rose,

nothing for now will change their minds,

just time will tell how all will advance,

make yourself stronger and smarter each day,

and you will get back your rose one day,

she loves you and feels your emotions and more,

show her you won't give up enriching your lore,

she wants him and not you, drill that in your head,

just time can convince her to join you instead,

playing this long game isn't really my thing,

but that is the only way you get back your bling,

who else can help me as much as she did,

where else should i go not to fall of the grid,

she was my comfort, she was my safe port,

now all is left is my lonely bed fort,

how many memories lay in my room,

how many cuddles and love in bloom,

why did you have to move on so fast,

why couldn't this great love forever last,

i will have to regret for all of my life,

if we can't end up as husband and wife,

i'm sorry i can't move on from this thought,

but thats what keeps my boat afloat,

you still are my sunshine and warmth,

my compass points to you, not towards north,

my brain is still coping, my heart is confused,

but your are decided, that can't be refused,

oh if i could read minds just this last year,

i would go crazy, but you'd still be here,

here in my arms touching my face,

in our appartment, our own little place,

playing with kitties, tending the garden,

why was i deaf and let your heart harden,

still hating my past self with burning passion,

why couldn't he show progress and little fashion,

rolling back time would be a nice trick,

slapping some sense in that stupid prick,

reliving this last months with you in my lap,

would be like heavenly restfull long nap,

giving you life that you really deserve,

not this grim turn on the wrong curve,

but all is just wishing and dreaming awake,

for you are the one who pressed on the brake,

nothing will change your wishes right now,

nothing that comes from my stupid brow,

this poems will show you my crazy thoughts,

you heard them allready, again and again, lots and lots.

[burning-basilisk]

Another personal rant because Mondays provide ample time to process emotions.

She loved what I could do for her.

...which was amazing for me, for a long time. I didn't love myself one bit, and was so deeply grateful that anyone else could.

But she also could not relate to my self-hatred. Whenever I expressed it, she became annoyed, at best. So I hid it... along with every other part of myself that she expressed distaste for.

After all, if I hated myself, then what does that say about the person that I married? Why didn't I think more about how she felt?

And what she felt, was... well, by the end, I had absolutely no reason to believe that I was bringing anything positive to her life. And that was all that I could think about.

But despite that (maybe because of it?) I somehow started to love myself. Just a little, at first... but enough to, apparently, violate the premise of our relationship.

Loving myself, you see, includes accepting that my own happiness matters innately to me, not exclusively through what she decreed should or shouldn't make me happy. This was not acceptable to her.

Sure, she was open to critique, and would let me explain and explain and explain until I either wore myself out or she got upset, and my explanation became another mistake that I should never do again. She was open to critique the same way The Pope might be open to arguments for atheism. Sure, I could say my piece, but the only possible results were her anger, or her confusion.

And while I searched increasingly frantically for a way to make her understand, she made an online friend who wanted to pay her a visit.

I expressed gratitude for her keeping me informed, because the idea of preserving my marriage mattered more to me than anything resembling pride.

I looked her in the eye and asked her if she would be willing to have sex with him if he did.

She said yes.

When I later asked for more details about her communication with him, she said I was accusing her of cheating, which is immoral because we were "on a break" after she said "I am leaving you" seventeen days prior. How dare I accuse her of such a terrible thing? After all, he didn't even set a date for his visit. So it's not like she actually cheated on me. What did I have to be upset about? Why wasn't I thinking about how she felt?

The part of me that was her husband died screaming, that night. Not because she intended to lie with another man, but because I realized that my pain did not matter to her one iota. And why should it, anyway? Me feeling like a worthless shack of shit who deserved nothing and should be grateful for literally everything I get from her, and feel guilty for asking for literally anything in return... that was an unspoken premise of our relationship.

One that I ended up violating... by learning to love myself. I began needing her less as a source of affection and moral compass, and trusting myself a bit more. How dare I?

I think some deep part of her realized that I wasn't yearning for her affection like I used to, and panicked. I don't actually think she was foolish enough to invite a stranger from the internet into bed with her. I think she wanted me to be jealous, to react in some "I must win her back!" kind of way, as though I'm not supposed to treat her choices as her own. Maybe I'm still trying to look on the bright side?

But regardless... my self-love is blooming, now. Like never before. I still have well over a decade of consistent self-hatred and accompanying habits/instincts that need to be rewired, and goddamn does it feel bad to harbor so much anger for someone else, rather than redirecting it towards myself, but...

She hurt me. She hurt me worse than I thought it was possible to be hurt by another person. But hey, that's the risk I took by giving her my heart.

I don't want to resent her. I really don't. But I have given her multiple opportunities to express the tiniest shred of remorse. I don't feel like I deserve much, but I do deserve at least an acknowledgment of my pain from the self-described "empath" that claimed she loved me.

The wound is healing... slowly but surely. It's definitely leaving a scar.

January 25th will be a full year since she said those words to me: "I am leaving you."

I don't know if I'll ever offer my heart to anyone ever again. I might be willing to enter marriage again as a strategic contract... but romance?

Well, the last time love hit me, was when I indeed least expected it. And I do have a history of being quite impulsive. But who knows?

Usually, when I get burned, it doesn't take me very long to start dancing with fire again.

My sister tells me that I am a very kind person with a good heart. Sometimes, excessively so. She tells me that I am easily manipulated. Maybe she is right. Maybe the fact that I emotionally resonate with so few people is a very important shield.

Maybe my heart will heal enough to want to feel another heartbeat synchronize with it, once again.

But for now, I will keep tending to my inner fire. It is growing stronger every day.

[nochi-quinn]

I came to Arlathan to help Harding learn how to throw rock good, why is it an hour later and I'm in sidequest hell

(hell is a strong word, I'm enjoying being sidetracked by bullshit) 

not Harding doing earthbender moves

arlathan with the casual body horror

dagna mentioned!!! 

“who actually are you, Morrigan?” “ykw maybe let's don't look at that question too hard rn” 

 Oh no Bellara's angry face

if >:( was a person

elven spc??? 

the duality of fucked-up elven artifacts

bellara :(

neve's snake foot is very cool and also perplexing

I amend my earlier statement: I like neve in proximity to bellara

khachapuri is a real food and looks amazing. And I'm not even a big cheese person! 

I love the detailing on Harding's collar

I clocked this while my roommate was playing, but teia is sombra

oh the way british!rook says her full name is lovely

why do the antaam sound like vinnie jones

canadians spotted:

“definitely no mages left” :(

I miss anders. he'd be raving in the streets by now and honestly I love that for him 

knowing “blighted” is also kind of a cuss makes “elven blighted mages” very funny 

“elven gotdang mages” 

blood magic, what CAN'T it do 

this is the lake level of psychonauts

lucanis: does That My partner: Vax?? 

“he's possessed by a demon” “it's complicated” I miss anders

“Felicia Erimond”

“two bagels” “NO” 

“demons” “spirits” I miss Merrill

I know we're on a whole separate part of the map and it's highly unlikely anybody will show up but consider: it would make me very happy

“have you ever seen a toddler when they realize they don't control the world?” that's. an excellent way to describe that. 

Oh thank god I got armor that takes neve's hat off

giant pinboard with every faction in the game and several crossed-out bodies, very cool and not at all concerning 

getting venatori to blow themselves up >

shoves tarquin out of the way to pet the dog

when did they go from “blighted gods” to “risen gods” 

man now I want hot chocolate

“get to know neve” do I have to 

“it's easy to look good standing next to my cousin” damn, nuclear burn 

new game, new bullshit fade puzzles

“I had no idea that could happen to potatoes” BE NICE

why do the wardens all suck. they weren't like this back in my day (yes they were) 

I'm gonna shove this one warden in particular into a locker. 

DORIAN

GET HIS ASS

varric I really don't like your stories lately

lucanis being so concerned that bellara's not getting paid, bless 

“find grey warden allies” oh how the turn tables

rook would know this about the dagger if they read the codex like I did

“besides, I'm closer to the coffee” 

(fandom has already absolutely flanderized the coffee thing, haven't they) 

aw, he's using the tea set I got him

is fade ivy as hard to kill as regular ivy

I haven't been so betrayed by anything as I am by the fact that solas was blonde  

aww, he's so sad, look at him

A BABY

CROOKYTAIL

Alastair's gonna be so mad nobody told him about the griffons

whoever came up with exploding darkspawn: turn on your location, I just want to talk

"I can't unlock these cages, there's blood magic on them" what CAN'T it do?  

RUMPTAIL

assan is the new companion, he just happens to come with an elf

my roommate's asleep so I'm talking this out in the notes: on a metagaming level, I like Lucanis more than Neve AND Lucanis is right, Treviso is in more danger. But from a roleplay perspective, that's Kalais’ people. 

I could probably rationalize it to myself but mostly my roommate told me (assuming I'd do the opposite from her) that if you don't save Minrathous the Compassion spirit becomes Eulogy and I don't think I can take that emotionally right now 

time to make Lucanis hate me! :D

besides, it's a little cool to be following the same path as the start of the game 

partner: hear me out……fly up its butt

Gilan'nain shows up and the ghost of jonny sims’ twitch chat whispers in the back of my mind: wife

treviso :(

why does that “you shouldn't worry” convo feel straight out of stargate

“qunari liberated the elves in kirkwall” is certainly. a reading of what happened in kirkwall. 

the chantry lady with the big hat

kalais pops into the Fade yelling “hey BITCH” 

oh no, don't you “not so different” me you angry egg

I shot joseph seed in the gut for less

Codex entry: mentions speaking to Emmerich me: does not yet have Emmerich 

gotta say, this game is probably great for the Feet People; neither mine or my roommate's character wears shoes

And I'm an elf rogue vs her qunari mage, so it's (probably) not a race/class thing

if I have a criticism of the writing, it's that any time they want to A Wizard Did It it's either blight or blood magic. it turns into a drinking game after a while.

if I have a criticism of arlathan, it's these FUCKING GODDAMN LASER PUZZLES

The sequel to TotK Thoughts From My Notes App, Dragon Age The Veilguard Thoughts From My Notes App

please do not respond or reblog with spoilers, even in the tags, assume whatever the last thing is is how far I've gotten bc it probably is

first off, meet Kalais:

(I've tweaked her design since this but I don't have access to the ps5 rn for a new screenshot) (really I just filled her face out a lil so she's not so Pointy)

[quest marker flashes] NO, I'm ‘SPLORIN

okay jumping over the wall in D'Meta's Crossing & going from Standard Spooky directly into Turbo Hell was very effective 

“this blight is WEIRD” harding you were there for corypheus’ whole deal, you can't say things like that, it's terrifying 

they really took the deep roads and set it to “worse”, huh

(my roommate kept going "BROODMOTHER" bc she hates me)

NO WONDER THEY CALL IT THE DRAGON AGE

I watched my roommate do this bit with her Warden; she sent him off to probably die from the Joining. I just. left him there.

Morrigan if you're gonna wear the headpiece get your hair out from behind it you're driving me crazy

Morrigan smiles so much, idk how I feel about it 

this is gonna be a weird sentence but I miss how her mouth was shaped in DAO, it just suited her for some reason idk

OH she looks like a Carja, that's what's bothering me

(a lot of this game gives me shades of HZD if I'm being honest) (it's not a complaint)

Titan Harding TITAN HARDING

been trying to figure out who Bellara makes me think of and I think it's “Merrill if she had a support network that wasn't Hawke” 

(“and less blood magic”) 

oh, little backstory tchotchkes!

while Rook just monologues to themselves 

(definitely interesting being a Not Culturally Dalish elf with a vallaslin)

“it is merely a suggestion” gonna suggest you off a cliff

I'm so glad Varric didn't die. I was so prepared for it

as a through-line through the series I prefer him over Morrigan tbh

“your old friend is kind of an asshole” “I know, isn't it great” 

WAIT solas’ knife is the fucking LYRIUM IDOL?? 

that thing just can't stop ruining Varric's life, huh 

the way Harding's bruises and stuff actually take time to heal is so cool 

me: talks to The Viper one (1) time me:...godDAMMIT, Mercer

room: offerings to andraste  me: offerings to me :) 

I. Don't care for Neve so far. 

which is unfortunate bc I picked the Shadow Dragons origin

me: spots what is clearly a fade tear me:

ATAB (All Templars Are Bastards) 

“the venatori rise” yeah yeah, hail hydra, fuck off

hey? hey Varric? I don't think I like your foreshadowing Varric 

[borderlinereminders]

hi again op, do you have any advice for seeing the grey areas when you split? im having trouble viewing this person as All Good or All Bad

Hi anon,

For me, challenging my black and white thinking took a long time.

One of the first things I recommend is reframing the situation. When you notice you're seeing something in black and white, or splitting, ask yourself, is there an alternative view point here?

One example is that I get a lot of hate on my blog, and years ago, I'd have been so angry and thought they were all bad people but I've asked myself, is there an alternative view point here? And the conclusion I've come to is that people often lash out in pain. And while my feelings are valid, because they shouldn't be attacking me even in pain, it does help me find a perspective where I don't see them as "bad people." I see them as "hurt people doing something bad because they're hurt". It allows me to find other emotions besides being frustrated (which is totally valid by the way), but also I feel some compassion for them as well.

Try to separate the things someone does from who they are. It's not always this simple. but my partner sometimes has bad days and he has snapped at me. These days don't define him. I would say that he is simply a person, trying his best to get by and sometimes he isn't perfect, and that's okay. When he messes up, I keep reminders of all the things he's done to show me he loves me. (Please note that this does not apply to someone who is abusive. Please don't rationalize abuse by focusing on the good. That is a completely different scenario.) To me, these things all exist together and he is an imperfect person who I love and I am an imperfect person who he loves. Life feels so much better to me when I remind myself that a lot of the time, people aren't trying to hurt me. They are just people trying to get by. Sometimes I get hurt as a result, and I'm allowed my feelings about that.

One way I did this was to apply my thinking to something I didn't see as black and white, which for me, was dogs. My dogs aren't perfect. They've been trained but they mess up. And I've never once thought my dog was a "bad dog" because they did something less than perfect, maybe even done something that could be defined as "bad." My dogs have even been cranky and in pain. My one dog snapped at someone because she was afraid of her nails being trimmed. They had to muzzle her to proceed (long story, but her nail trims are now handled totally differently and she's okay if anyone was wondering) I didn't think she was "bad" because she lashed out in fear. If I can see my dogs in shades of grey, as in they are just animals trying to survive and wanting to be loved and all that stuff, then surely I could apply these to people. So I used that logic and started to.

Anytime I catch myself thinking in a black and white way, I start asking myself questions and trying to "put myself in the other's shoes." While I know that we often can split on ourselves as well, I remind myself that I snap at people too. People snap at me. Everyone snaps at some point. Does this mean they are bad? Or does it mean it's just something that humans may do when they're emotionally overwhelmed, and stressed? (This is not to say people shouldn't work on coping to limit how often they do this, just that it is... something that can happen. ) I find that it helps if I surround myself with people who take accountability when they mess up though. My partner apologizing to me for messing up helps a lot because I can understand that he didn't mean to snap. He didn't even intend for it to come out the way it did. But he recognizes my hurt feelings and validates them. If he didn't accept that he'd messed up, I don't think I could be in a relationship with him because I need him to hold himself accountable, just like I hold myself accountable when I mess up.

Another thing that can help is taking the situation to another person. Maybe they can help you find alternatives that you can't see. I still do this sometimes. Even when I know I shouldn't see something as black and white, sometimes I can't see any alternatives. So I bring it to a friend and ask for their help in finding middle areas.

Shift the "black and white words" to "grey words" when thinking about situations.

This might include things like "never" or always" to "sometimes". (Example: "They always do ___ and make me feel ___." Switching the "always" to "sometimes" can help us find a different perspective.)

This might also mean shifting the phrasing to expressing your thoughts and feelings. So instead of "This is a failure." Say instead, "I'm feeling like this is a failure." This helps you acknowledge what is real in this situation, and that is your feelings. Your feelings are valid. And your feelings are real. It means that just because you feel like something is true doesn't mean it is true.

Some skills that may help

Mindfulness skills might help you tune into your feelings and thoughts. Here are some mindfulness ideas.

Non-Judgmentally is a DBT skill that focuses on encountering a situation in a way that is non-judgmentally. Here is a link to a blog post on it.

Another example

Your friend cancels plans at the last minute. It would be really easy to go to "they clearly don't care about me." Which is an example of black and white thinking. What are some alternatives you could look at?

"They weren't feeling well."

"Their energy levels aren't doing great."

"They had something come up unexpectedly."

And while your feelings about the cancellation are valid, it can help us to try and look at alternative reasons because we tend to go to "worst case scenario." It can help to look at other scenarios and try and put ourselves in their shoes.

[yurtletheturtlehenderson]

COSMIC - S1:E6; Chapter Six, The Monster - [Pt. 1]

A Will Byers x Male!Reader Series

𝘞𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘌𝘭𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘨𝘰𝘯𝘦, 𝘠/𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘋𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘯 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘨𝘨𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘺 𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳. 𝘌𝘭𝘴𝘦𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦, 𝘏𝘰𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘑𝘰𝘺𝘤𝘦 𝘶𝘯𝘤𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘵𝘩 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘢𝘣’𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴.

|| 𝟑𝐫𝐝 𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐏𝐎𝐕 ||

Joyce and Hopper sat opposite one another at the kitchen table of the Byers' home. The house was cold and hardly lit, copies of newspaper clippings scattered all around the house. One of the only light sources was a dusty chandelier that hung from the kitchen ceiling above the table and their heads, illuminating the several papers.

"Look, we gotta go through this again." Joyce insisted.

"I told you everything that I saw."

"Oh, gosh," she sighs into her hands. "Tell me again."

"Upstairs or downstairs?" Hopper asked.

"Upstairs."

"There was a laboratory. It was where they must do experiments or something, and then there was... well you see, like I said, I got turned around."

Hopper was currently sharing all he had encountered on his rogue mission at Hawkins National Laboratory. Joyce, all the while was hanging on his every word.

"I told you, it was like, I don't know, it wasn't supposed to exist. That whole area, it was abandoned and... forgotten, like it was all some big mistake. Once I found my way back, I saw that... kid's room. That other kid's room, I mean. Like it was actually used, but it didn't even look like a kid's room, neither of them did. It looked like a prison."

Hopper sighed and rubbed the bottom of his palms into his eyes tiredly, is fingers held the lit cigarette inches away from his face as he did so. "If that even makes sense,"

"Well," Joyce began, trying to get to the bottom of this never ending mystery. "So why would you think it was a kid's room, then?"

"Because, I told you, the size of the bed, there was a drawing, there was a stuffed animal--"

Joyce interrupted the man quickly. "Y-You didn't say there was a drawing."

"Yeah, there was a drawing of a... an adult and a child. It said 'Eleven' on it."

"Was it good?" Joyce pressed.

"It was a kid's drawing, Joyce. It was stick figures."

Joyce had a knowing look on her face as she stood up with a sigh, retrieving a piece of crinkled line paper and slammed it down on the table for Hopper to see.

She pointed to the detailed drawing as she sat back down.

"Wasn't Will." She stated confidently, shakily bringing the cigarette back up to her lips.

Hopper examined the drawing and everything seemed to click. He returned his gaze to the anxious mother. Hopper quickly put out his cigarette in the ashtray and made a beeline for the coffee table.

"Earl..." he muttered, as he made his way into the living room. Joyce, who had abandoned her cigarette, was right on his heels.

"The night that Benny died, Earl said he saw some kid with a shaved head with Benny," Hopper and Joyce took a seat beside one another on the living room couch, Hopper's eyes fixed on the several news clippings splayed along the wooden coffee table. "Now, I pressed him, he said it might be Will, but maybe..."

The man began shifting through the papers, and Joyce spoke up.

"Wait... Maybe, it wasn't?"

Hopper pulled the article he had been looking for and pointed to the fuzzy photograph of the woman in the article.

"Look... this woman, Terry Ives, she claims to have lost her daughter, Jane. She sued Brenner, she sued the government... Now, the claims came to nothing, but what if... I mean, what if this whole time I've been... I've been looking for Will... I've been chasing after some other kid?"

|| 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫'𝐬 𝐏𝐎𝐕 ||

Everything is a mess.

Will is still missing, the party is falling apart, Mike and Lucas are still angsty messes that won't speak to one another, and now, El left us. She probably thinks I hate her.

'But I don't! I was just scared'

(Ok but like,,,, who else ships El and reader cause damn I've been giving myself feels lately, dang)

'We need to fix this'

I sigh and sit up from my bed and make my my way to Dustin's room.

⊹ ⊹ ⊹

"I just... I can't believe she didn't come back." Mike sighed.

Dustin and I agreed we needed to talk some sense into the rest of the party. So we got our bikes and made our way to Mike's. Dustin was standing opposite Mike while I currently occupied one of the D&D chairs I had pulled up. Mike was worriedly pacing the floor in front of us.

"She's gotta be close." Dustin offered.

"She said it wasn't safe. She just messed up the compasses because she wanted to protect us. She didn't betray us."

"Mike, calm down."

Mike only ignored Dustin and kept talking, more to himself than anybody it seemed.

"I shouldn't have yelled at her. I never should've done that."

"Mike, this isn't your fault." Dustin said.

"Yeah, it's Lucas'."

"It wasn't his fault, either." Dustin countered softly.

For the first time in what felt like ages, Mike stopped in his tracks. He looked at my brother dumbfounded and took a few steps in his direction. "It wasn't his fault?"

"No."

"So you're saying he wasn't way out of line?"

"Totally, but so were you!"

"What?"

"And so was Eleven."

"That's ridiculous! Y/n, tell him he's being ridiculous!"

Very calmly, I stood up with my arms crossed and stood next to my brother, and sighed, eyes fixed on Mike. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but Dustin is absolutely right."

Mike seemed even more furious. "Oh, give me a break!"

Dustin snapped at these words and stormed up to Mike. "No, Mike, you give me a break! All three of you were being a bunch of little assholes! Y/n and I were the only reasonable ones! But the bottom line is... you pushed first. And you know the rules. You draw first blood..."

"No! No way! I'm not shaking his hand."

"You're shaking his hand." I press, stepping forward.

He was sure to make eye contact with me over Dustin's shoulder as he spoke. "No, I'm not."

So I strode toward him and gave him a slight glare.

"This isn't a discussion. This is the rule of law. Obey or be banished from the party. Do you wanna be banished?" I asked firmly.

Mike crossed his arms and pouted before speaking up meekly. "No."

"Good!" I chirp, my face beaming as if we hadn't just been fighting which seem to only terrify him more.

I all but skipped over to the chair grabbing my coat, Dustin following my actions.

"Where are we going?" Mike asked with a hint of frustration.

"Where do you think?" Dustin asked as he put his arms through the sleeves of his coat.

"We're going to get Lucas." I finished, straightening my jacket then looked back to Mike.

My face softened and I tilted my head slightly. "And then we're gonna find Eleven."

⊹ ⊹ ⊹

The three of us stood on Lucas's porch and I rang the doorbell. We stood waiting until the door swung open and Lucas stood there glaring at all three of us, but mostly Mike.

"What do you want?" He spit, resting his hands in his pockets.

There was brief silence which was then interrupted by a muffled smack of Dustin hitting Mike in the arm.

Mike sighed softly and looked to Lucas, clearly hating every second of this.

"I drew first blood, so..." he extended his hand for Lucas to shake but Lucas didn't move.

Great. Of course nobody was going to make anything easy. Why would they?

⊹ ⊹ ⊹

Somehow I had convinced Lucas to let us all in and now, we all stood in the middle of his living room as he paced silently across the floor considering Mike's offer. He finally stopped and stared at the three of us.

"Okay, I'll shake."

Mike sighed what I barely made out to be a "finally" as he extended his arm out once more. Dustin and I perked up, that was until Lucas continued.

"On one condition. We forget the weirdo and go straight to the gate." He finished, arms crossed defiant.

"Then the deal's off." Mike barked.

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"No, no, not fine! Guys seriously?" Dustin yelled, as I threw my head back frustrated.

Dustin forced Mike to face him as he spoke. "Do you even remember what happened on the Bloodstone Pass?"

Lucas and Mike shared a confused glance.

Dustin seemed shocked and offended that they had no recollection and continued.

"We couldn't agree on what path to take, so we all split up the party and those trolls took us out one by one. And it all went to shit. And we were all disabled! So we stick together, no matter what!"

"Yeah, I agree. But this is the party, right here in this room."

"El is one of us now."

"Um, no, she's not. Not even close! Never will be. She's a liar, a traitor--"

"She was just trying to keep us safe! She didn't mean to hurt you. It was an accident!"

"An accident?"

"All right, accident or not... admit it, it was a little awesome." Dustin said.

"Awesome?"

"Yeah, she threw you in the air with her mind!"

"I could have been killed!"

"Would everybody just shut up for one second, please!" I snap.

Everybody looks to me, a shocked expression on their faces.

I step forward and begin my long awaited  rant.

"I am sick of your attitude." I point at Lucas. "I am sick of your whining." I point to Mike. "I am sick of all three of you bickering," I gesture to all of them. "I love you guys and I can't thank you enough for taking me in and including me, know that, but GOD I am tired of being stuck listening to you boys argue about every little thing!"

I myself began pacing, my voice continuously rising. "I'm sick of putting up with all your petty arguing when we should be looking for Will only to come home at the end of the day, having found NOTHING and crying my eyes out because the only person who never gave a shit about who started what is missing and probably dead!"

I stopped pacing and looked to the boys who were all silent. I sighed and lowered my voice. "Lucas, you're right. You could have been killed. Which is exactly why we need her. She is more powerful than all of us combined."

"Y/n's right. Do you seriously wanna fight the Demogorgon with your wrist rocket?" Mike said, anger still in his voice. "That's like R2-D2 going to fight Darth Vader. We're no use to Will if we're dead."

Lucas looked torn for a moment, but then he shook his head and pointed at the three of us. There was disappointment in his voice. "If you three wanna waste your time looking for a traitor, go ahead, 'cause I'm not spending my time on her anymore. No way!"

I sighed, putting my face in my hands. Lucas continued.

"I'm going to the gate. I'm going to find Will."

Lucas shoved the boys aside and stormed off, leaving the three of us alone in more ways than one.

[scullysflannel]

☕️ + laurie garvey and/or certified

that's my judas! under the cut for length and suicide tw

when laurie says she's not doubting thomas ("doubting is easy"), she's judas ("he betrayed him anyway. because he was sure. he believed in something, and he acted on it"), she's right even when she's wrong. of course she's not sure of herself; she's never been sure. laurie is constantly looking for someone to take away the burden of her decisions, to tell her what to do, even as she has a hard time trusting anyone else with that responsibility. but as michael points out, judas might not have been all that sure of himself either if he killed himself.

what laurie does is act despite her uncertainty. and it's brutal. she betrays her family again and again. I find laurie hard to watch in season 1 because I do understand the impulse to shut down and run away, but I can't forgive her for doing it. I see myself in jill, left stranded by her mother's silence and rejection. I hate laurie's ability to feel the pain she's causing her family and her community and still keep inflicting it. everyone on the leftovers is pulled toward self-destruction and self-annihilation, but laurie's self-destruction has a high body count. you really have to believe the world ended to do what she does, and yet I don't think she really believes it; she just knows it would be easier if she did. the GR pricks the nerve that says there's no point to anything, we're too far gone. laurie proves the limits of that mindset: how can there really be no point if there are still people who love her? how can there be no point if it's clear she still loves them?

none of that love makes it easy to come back from the edge. laurie never finds the right way to help. her post-GR transition group has good intentions and a terrible track record. the fact that she's trying to do the right thing is more powerful to me because she's winging it, but it's frustrating. as a former therapist she should know better. I'm obsessed with the fact that laurie doesn't seem like a very good therapist. maybe helping others was always destructive for her. maybe I shouldn't have compassion for her efforts when other people wind up dead, and when she drives her son into the arms of a cult and makes him crave abuse. but her failures are compelling because she's the one making them. she's done handing her decisions over to a cult.

even when laurie and john (a relationship that feels very "sure, why not") pick up the palm reading scam, the best you can say about how she spends her days is that she's at a lower risk for hurting people. she's giving them the kindness of a lie because she believes they're asking for it. sure, why not. this is laurie feigning an acceptance she does not have. people want to be lied to, and she hates that, but she wants to give them what they want. her book of hard truths got rejected; her actual hard truths got people killed. she's trying to make peace with a world that prefers the comfort of a good story. she and nora have that in common.

but it's not natural for her, and what makes laurie so thrilling in the second half of season 3 is that she lets herself be the truth teller again. there's a purity to laurie as soon as she gets on that flight to australia. kevin's relapse makes her snap back into tough love mode. the fact that this woman who began the series not speaking gets at least one come-to-jesus chat with every main character is so satisfying. she tears matt a new one; she becomes nora's therapist; she brings out a tenderness in senior that he doesn't have with his own son; she finally tells kevin what they lost on the fourteenth. catharsis is honest conversation. in those moments it's not just that laurie is at her best, but that the person she's with becomes better too. laurie, who was silent, becomes a kind of cone of silence for the people around her, and finally becomes a good therapist; she makes people admit things they wouldn't be comfortable saying to anyone else. she has that power because of how far she's come since the story began. her best therapy is not to project strength but to admit weakness. ("we're all gone.")

I don't know what to do with how artistically beautiful I find the scene out on the water, or how well I think "we're all gone" would have worked as a final goodbye, a final forgiveness, between exes. I think laurie's ultimate ending — not killing herself — challenges the impulse to think death is more artistically pure. I have that impulse too. I think the end of "certified" would have been a stunning final ending for laurie. and yes, technically it is a cheat that she survives; damon lindelof has said "certified" was written with the intention that laurie was committing suicide, but the writers’ room got too depressed to break the last two episodes, so they changed their minds. but what’s wrong with that? laurie being pulled back from the brink by listening to the kids she once abandoned is powerful. I wish we got more of it, kind of, but I also like how much is left for us to understand on our own. what else is there but to help and be helped?