#-not being able to function normally
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drawing the first two ocs i ever cared about, ft the one who i made to vent and inspired my username, and the one i accidentally ended up in the exact situation of. its been like 10 years since i came up with them but i still think about these two. might draw gijinkas of them or redesign them or something
#originally these two were conceived as sisters#eventually i made them friends#but yeah thats why they sort of have similar color schemes its because they were related at one point#i tried to do this as close to their original designs as possible but i didnt feel like looking for my old art of them#i think i lost most of the files#anyways the original story i had for these two was kind of based on the mental health crisis i was having at the time#in my earlier drafts of it i focused on dreams mental health problems and her suicidal ideation with sapph trying to help her through it#but over time i ended up thinking of it more from sapphs point of view#with her constantly bending over backward for dream to try and help and how she was constantly worried sick for dream to the point of-#-not being able to function normally#i put more of myself into her than i did into dream eventually lol#and then a couple years later i ended up in sapphs exact position#i havent really touched them specifically since then#though i have thought about that oc universe outside of them#doodles#dream (oc)#sapph (oc)#btw despite her name being sapph shes not gay shes aroace#the label is new but whenever i thought about her i always imagined her not being interested in romance at all#sapph is just short for her original name (sapphire)
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Hunter, what’s the meanest thing Artificer’s ever done to you?
(Okay so this is pre-Hunter-getting-beat-up-by-Arti, and I sorta changed it to just a mean thing she did when they were growing up lol, sorry!)
Hunter: She did a lot of mean things when we were kids, it’s hard to pick. But I guess there was one time that did hurt more than usual.
After I got the scar on my eye, I was… pretty insecure about it I guess. And she was really mean about how ugly I looked.
Considering what her face looks like now, she’s lucky I’m not out for revenge.
(Hunter gets to throw a little shade. As a treat.)
#Rw siblings au#Rw Hunter#Rw Arti#I know I was just complaining about not having time to do any ask blog stuff#But that kinda inspired me to just take a break from all my homework and do something I want to lol#But yeah#At first Hunter was genuinely like#Very self-conscious about having the scar on his face and not being able to open his one eye all the way#(The second panel is supposed to be him looking at his reflection but it’s hard to tell lmao)#The scar is thinner now and his eye can function perfectly normal#So he doesn’t care anymore#But it did really suck for him when Arti was an asshole about something he already felt pretty horrible about
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Thought posed:
Danny does the college stuff and interning for stuff at Wayne Enterprises while living in Gotham, but he doesn’t catch the Bats attention because he simultaneously is both Just Normal Enough while the Bats are Slightly Out Of Step of normal long enough that things with Danny don’t catch their attention. (Gotham as a whole is a huge ‘well this might as well happen’ place and after however many years…the threshold is a bit off for weirdness. Pair that up with normal Batdrama and role-code-switching and minor things are likely going to be subconsciously overlooked if not clocked as Dangerous.)
(Does Danny know the Bats’ IDs? … He would deny it if asked. Not his circus business though. He does think it’s smart that they at least try to cover their faces, unlike when he played the hero. He meets Clark before Superman and feels like he’s on the Office or something.)
Danny moves on with the astro-stuff (whether an astronaut, an astrophysicist, or whatever else) in another city and catches the attention of another hero as Not Normal, What’s Up With That Guy?? (two parts coincidence, one part Danny’s willingness to trust for the better, one part Uncanny) and they track his history to Gotham/WE and decide to ask the Batclan if they knew anything.
They find out nothing really is wrong with Danny (…the JLD was not called or conferred with, unfortunately for all) but it does spark the reeducation refresher of the Gotham Clan for Human Weirdness (that also educated the rest in just how messed up Gotham can be).
#and then at the end Danny shows up in space or whatever idk#part as just a normal thing he does that didn’t catch attention before#part because the heroes were not subtle and Danny wants to fuck with them#Danny’s stuff is more background to the reeducation of Gotham vigilantes’ perspective of normalcy#I figure that with enough time some things that were Big News is now not and therefore doesn’t reach far#especially is Gotham had a period of not being able to rely on anything but itself#adult Danny Fenton#he’s in his 30s#two decades dead and a year or two off of finding out he’s functionally immortal#GIW not really an issue#governmant agencies may be watching him to use him for nefarious purposes (saving money on budgets with this overpowered space weirdo)#I’m on the astronaut Danny fenton tag again#lol#dpxdc#ao3#op#Danny stared at Clark for 20 seconds without blinking during an interview and the déjà vu sense clocked him as alien#Clark was concerned when his interviewee spaced out mid word. saw him later when he saved him from a car later and the guy just…sighed?#the only thing he says as he walks away?#goddamnit wes. every effing time. should probably look into that.
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#NEVER MIND I GOT THEM TO WORK#i spent multiple hours just tinkering with this model trying to get it to work just because of how long it had tormented me before this#and like. i dunno i was just bored and looking for something to do with my hands. and i tinkered with this for a while and got it working#this level of work would be unsustainable for every galarian form that doesn't have a normal functioning model#so. y'know. don't expect this for all of them. but i'll try to remember the process i used for this one so maybe i can apply it to them#so ignore the tags on the next post about me not being able to get this one to work#galarian farfetch'd#every pokémon is someone's favorite. i gotta keep that in mind
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do you ever wonder whether Ichigo had dreams as a kid? did he ever lay in bed, after being tucked in by his loving mother, and imagine his future? and do you ever think about Ichigo, right after his youth, spent being a weapon of war, has ended? about him coming home after a tiring day, filled with what is, in comparison, trivial human matters, and just sitting there for a moment? and then coming to bed and trying very hard to not imagine anything at all? do you? because I don’t!
#bleach#kurosaki ichigo#subscription to childhood cancelled at 9#subscription to youth at 15#get this man some therapy#I can’t imagine going to school taking exams and applying to fuckass universities after being a veteran of TWO wars#and he’s not even legally an adult yet#also imagine how shitty it is not being able to pull the ‘I am a war veteran’ card bc technically he isn’t?#do you think he’s capable of actually being a fully functioning member of society? bc I doubt it#oh yes. the going to war then becoming an adrenaline junky pipeline. my favourite#but the normal stuff like bungee jumping or wtvr isn’t doing it for you. violence is.#this where grimmjow comes in#aaand#grimmichi#I did say I could turn anything into grimmichi ƪ(˘⌣˘)ʃ
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Hey does anyone want to talk about the way that Harumi will most definetly have all of the identity issues you may have post-crystalized? You know. Harumi, who spent her whole life dedicated to hatred and trying to bring back an evil that everyone fought so hard to cast away? Who devoted herself to not one but two evil overlords? Who thought that the ninja deserved her hate until she died for the first time and until she was moments away from helping the person who she should've despised all along destroy the world as she knew it? Who spent her entire adolescent life when she was supposed to be a teenager and establishing human connections and figuring out who she was plotting, running a whole biker gang and manipulating most people around her?? Who DIED and is a zombie now? Probably? Who now might not even have a heartbeat to remind her that she's human? Who's worldview has just turned inside out and who will have to live with becoming the exact person that the little kid she did everything for would've hated? Who, for the first time in her life, doesn't have heroes that she can look up to and put on a pedestal, no figure to devote herself to? If not I'll just go into a corner to think about herself on my own--
#The issues that this girl has#I NEED to chew on her. At least a little bit.#Your honour I know that she's fucked up and that she did all of those war crimes but have you considered: the blorbo potential#harumi jade#ninjago#lego ninjago#harumi#princess harumi#ninjago harumi#Aughhg the way that I need her to be at least a little bit of a wet cat if we ever get to see her again like guys that girl has no idea how#To be a normal human being she isn't going to be able to function without an evil plan keeping her moving forward
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currently at That Point which occurs once every few months where one briefly begins pacing around the house teary eyed contemplating selling their own organs or becoming an online scammer or getting on anxiety meds so you can bear the risk taking required to be a hitman or so on and so forth.... why must everything so Expensive... Surely all would be healed in life if only I had one big plate of lasagna and a simple loan of $40,000 ... auoughhh....
#And then you just eventually shrug and go 'welp. nothing i can do i guess' and sad cartoon music plays as you shuffle back to your room#It's just hard with my specific physical and mental issues since it's like.. I couldn't really handle most jobs. I can't handle school. I'm#100% aromantic and asexual so I'll never get married so I can't get money that way. I have too much issues with social cues#+ too nervous temperament + too low energy to put effort into lying and having a fake relationship just for money. so on and so forth etc.#Really I should have just been born into a middle class family. Which I guess everyone says. but ESPECIALLY considering my#chronic conditions kind of hampering my ability to function 'normally' or be Independent in a regular way. I'm always going to be#in some way sort of beholden to the whims of people around me who I must depend on. so... well of course they might as well have been rich#lol like that would have been better for me of course.#AAANyway... Just thinking about another stupid fucking climate change summer... months keep going by so fast.. soon it will be so again#And it's like such SMALL things would make drastic improvements for me. Literally if I just had a place with central AC#then like 75% of my issues with summer would vanish instantly. literally. But instead it's like.. having a cheap hot apartment + only#half functional dinky window ac + my illnesses that make me heat sensitive + living in a part of the country that keeps getting hotter +#inability to leave the house much meaning I can't just go spend time in a cooler place etc. all factors which combine together to make#it just utterly miserable for MONTHS and mentally draining. And literally ALL I would need to fix that is just...#have a place with central AC that works.. (or move to a colder country/area but that also takes money. Or just not have illnesses#that make me heat sensitive. but that I can't control). etc. etc. I guess it's just the nature of the constant background frustration of#being part of The Masses under our current manifestation of unmitigated capitalism. Such minor details would make such huge#quality of life improvements and yet will remain ever out of reach. ONE little thing could change your whole life but you can't even have#that. so many 'If only' scenarios. etc. And of course obviously I am incredibly thankful just to have anywhere to live at all. food to eat#. any sort of stability whatsoever no matter how fragile it feels/is. But that still doesn't make it not frustrating occasionally to look#around and see how relatively little would have to change in order for you to be a decent percentage more comfortable and yet#how still far away even those ''small'' seeming goals are. etc. etc.#Seriously think I've been traumatized by the summer or something somehow lol like thinking about it being warm weather eventually#makes me nauseous with panic. It's just SOOO much labor. micromanaging windows and fans and blocking every ounce of light#and not being able to cook (cant even afford a single degree of temp increase due to the stove) for months and barely being able#to sleep for months and the claustrophobia of days on end crawling out of your skin because it doesnt even get cool enough at#night to offer relief so you're just always feeling trapped.. hgrhh...#It starts getting hot here sometimes in May but mostly June then lasts through October now.. thats like half the year almost.. ARghhH#anyway... If any extremely rich person reading this would like to buy me an air conditioned house in exchange for multiple years worth#of art (I will paint murals on all of your grand dining halls and make all the custom sculptures you could ever want etc) then.. hewwo :'3c
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I need a completely rewritten teen wolf series with Derek Hale as the main character. I think it would heal me.
#we follow Derek from New York. Laura left for beacon hills. it’s been six years since he was back but he hasn’t heard from her#and hes going stir crazy waiting. he packs up and travels back. it’s almost too much immediately. he still can’t get a hold of Laura#he can’t resist going home. it’s like a natural pull that guides him back. all at once he’s 16 again. staring at the wreckage of his life#deputy stilinski is sherrif now. it’s reassuring in the slightest that the police force seems to have moved on from how corrupt it was#he catches her scent and it’s putrid. bile catches in his throat. he seeks it out. still in denial to what he knows it means.#when he finds Laura it’s like the world ends all over again. he can’t stand to see her like this. he gives her a proper burial.#the best he can do at least#he visits Peter. he’s not the man Derek remembers- so full of fire and cunning. their relationship may have been strained at times.#often Derek felt more like Eve being swayed by the snake than a normal friendship#but this isn’t the sharp tongued uncle who guided him. this is a broken shell. all that remained of his family. he was so lost.#22 but he barely knew how to function without his family- his pack paving the way#Laura handled everything. she got the apartment. she made sure they had food. Derek looks back and feels so useless#he was so lost in his grief. Laura must of felt the same way but she never let them drown in it#she made sure he got his GED. even got him to enroll in community college classes.#he took them online. he never was able to warm up to people the same way. he used to be so full of life. now he just wanted to be left alone#he studied English. never finished his degree. doesn’t look like he ever will now. he can’t go back to Laura and his shared home.#can’t bare to see another shell of a home#he vents to the vacant audience of Peter and his cold fixed eyes#Derek leaves. he wants to promise he’ll return soon#but promises feel costly these days#he decides to go back to the reserve. maybe he can find some clue as to what happened to Laura#someone lured her here. someone who knew them and their history here#his mind went to the worst. Kate. why would she go through the trouble six years later. why wait so long.#Derek couldn’t stomach the thought of facing her. he focused on the woods. the scents were all over the place.#clearly multiple people had been through here recently. two scents were much stronger. Derek follows them#but when he hears the crunch of leaves he realizes why the scents are so strong. they’re still here#he ducks behind some trees. listening in on their conversation. but an echo of their scent catches his attention#he spots an inhaler on the ground. he puts two and two together and swipes it from the leaves.#he comes out once they’re closer. tossing over the inhaler- he figures they’ll leave. dumb kids messing around in the woods#he reminds them this is private property. though that may not be true anymore. he recognizes the scent of a new beta. interesting.
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i swear if you people start uwuifying OCD like you did with ADHD and autism I'm going to start attacking
#the general idea of what OCD is already so fucking wrong and harmful#if you start being like 'oh my little meow meow is so OCD' or 'its not a disorder its just a different way of thinking uwu'#I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL#ALL OF MY EARLIEST CHILDHOOD MEMORIES FROM AGE 3 AND UP ARE OF HAVING PANIC ATTACKS#PLEASE GO FUCK YOURSELVES THIS IS A MISERABLE FUCKING DISORDER ITS NOT CUTE ITS NOT QUIRKY ITS THE REASON I HAD GRAY HAIR AS A TEENAGER#i saw this like 'i let the intrusive thoughts win' isn't something people use all the time for like dying their fucking hair#its exhausting how many people what to be all 'mental illness needs to be more accepted'#and then in the next sentence want to deny that your mental illness is actually harmful to you and doesn't negatively affect you#and its just because society doesn't accept your different way of thinking uwu#NO I LITERALLY WOULD HAVE KILLED MYSELF AS A TEENAGER IF SOMEONE HAD CONVINCED ME THAT MY MENTAL ILLNESS WAS NORMAL AND FINE#figuring out that something was Wrong with my brain was like the best moment of my life#and this 'no you just think differently don't try to change' attitude may be helpful in SOME CASES#but that shit needs to me pulled back on A LOT online because that framing can be extremely harmful to some people (like me)#knowing exactly what is wrong with my brain is literally the only way I'm able to not let it affect me#and it not affecting me is literally the only way I can function and live happily#like you understand that some people do genuinely have things wrong with them#and telling them they don't is beyond cruel
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guys hear me out would painis cupcake pay taxes? Because he’s not like mega insane like ass pancakes I think he’d pay his taxes in my professional opinion.
#I also had a conversation with my friend about if he had to wear a suit why would he#We discussed for a very long while(6 minutes) and the discussion was very enlightening#Slowly turning painis into a functional human in society…#Except you know he eats people that isn’t really stuff normal people do#this is a joke btw#I think he would pay his taxes but if the tax people are rude to him he wouldn’t#I think it really depends#Does he even have any taxes to pay? Because he doesn’t have a job I assume so he doesn’t have any money#But theoretically if he’s like working for another freak and he’s getting paid or something#Idk guys I might be going a little bit bonkers… he’s helping me get out of art block at least#Oh I hope all these tags don’t accidentally show up in another tag that would be bad I’ve seen that happen#I’ve already typed so much though#It’d be funny if there was painis angst because I wouldn���t be able to take it seriously because his name is penis basically#Why am I only saying painis I’m going to tag him anyway#Painis cupcake#there#alright anyways painis cupcake angst would be fucking hilarious imo#My professional opinion#Mmhmmm I’m a professional in being stupid#My friends will call me spedpool on hallowen#I took 2 yardsticks in stem and I pretended to be said guy in the red suit I don’t want to tag him because I don’t want someone to#Find this unhinged rant about painis cupcake that got way off track woah#Ok continuing on the painis rant#I can’t draw him with pencil for some reason he looks so weird#I can draw soldeir just fine with pencil probably even better than online but whenever I try to draw painis he looks like a pile of dog shi#A moist pile the kind that would make steam if it’s cold outside#I feel like it he tried painis cupcake would really be a great functional citizen#Oh wow I wrote a lot my bad
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i must say i did not expect getting a chronic illness diagnosed would be of any help, i thought it wouldn't matter since ive already had it unknowingly for 2 years, but it's actually quite helpful... I suddenly can hardly remember the feeling of having moments where I can't do anything because of my fibromyalgia, which is nice☺️☺️ Without it it feels I can be more optimistic.
But at the same time I can't help but feel the dread of having to take antidepressants for the rest of my life so i can get close to functioning like a normal person. I am quite dependant on them to go through the day without pain and be able to sleep properly. Something about that makes me feel a bit lonely😓😓
#i talk!!!#this one is. a bit of a downer as well as positive#like mostly the effects have been positive antidepressants really do help me a lot#it made me realize heavily that my previous lifestyle was. completely abnormal and I just convinced myself it wasnt#Ive also been able to take things more calmly since I'm now conscious stress is what causes pain to flare up#but at the same time im hit with the dread that im reliant on meds to function and will be for the rest of my life😓😓#it only came to me right now because i forgot to take my anti depressants when i woke up#so the brief hours where i wasnt under its influence i felt weak in pain and with an awful headache#and something about the concept of me being reliant on meds otherwise I'll feel that way makes me really sad#i wish being normal was a thing i could achieve without meds#fibromyalgia
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christ. texted me boss I’d be in tomorrow and I’m feeling better. only for her to be like well your gp declared you unfit for work so hr won’t let you work. only for me to be like. okay I’ll see if I can get my gp to declare me fit for work in the morning I guess since it’s an afternoon/evening shift… only to start feeling unwell.
#wwolf.txt#I’ve been off for…#almost three weeks? and I was only on for a few days after being off for a week before that.#I just want things to go back to normal. I’m so anxious about missing more work. but I think at the core what I’m really anxious about is#that this is going to give me even more fatigue and I’m going to be up and down and not function well for a long time. and I already just#quit a job. that was part time. and became more part time. like not being able to work consistently at all. is a very scary concept.#especially when I can’t even get PIP.
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Ava Daniels I'm sooo jealous of you.
SO. FUCKING. JEALOUS.
LIKE! GOD!!!
#hacks#ava daniels#deborah vance#ava x deborah#she is literally living my dream life like what theee fuck#also the show has soo many milfs like im literally not complaining but like its soooo unrealistic that ava has been able to function...#normally so far???? like as much as she can but how has her brain not broken yet like??? how does she have a single coherent thought...#while being surrounded by all these gorgeous people like??? GIRL ARE YOU MADE OF STONE IDKKKK?????#I actually wouldn't have been able to work like at alllll#also if her and deb dont get together next season or atleast SOMETHING doesn't happen like them fucking or kissing idk...#I WILL ACTUALLY MURDER SOMEONE IM SOOOO FUCKING SERIOUSSSSS#Like why are the milfs and the dilfs in these GAY shows the only people not having gay sex like??????#iwtv im looking at you btw!!!!!!!#idk i dont even need an excuse to start my someone fuck old man daniel molloy agenda i will start ranting about it anywhere!!#T_T
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A bad anxiety day >< )
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To all the people I've had conversations with that end with me barely saying anything or just nothing at all it's not because I'm disinterested it's just because I'm a stupid failure who can't communicate at all like a normal human being sorry for the mixup
#i love when I actively want to be friends with and talk to people but my brain is so fucking useless it cant think of anything but my stupid#hyperfixations instead of normal topics or being able to hold a conversation like a functioning fucking person#god and here i am wanting to find love when i'd be the worst most dull partner ever fuck me
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I will never understand people who brag about getting no sleep
#ok.. ohhh look at me mister I have more time to do tasks#‘I stayed up until 3 am studying for the exam’ you didnt need to?? start studying earlier?#ok but also I would love to be able to only sleep like 4-5 hours and function like a normal human being#If I sleep for less than 7 hours I’m basically catatonic all day#personal
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