#-make the effort to include me
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Hug
*hug*
You think you’re doing alright and suddenly as you’re driving down the same stretch of highway you always did you notice she left you on read, and suddenly you realize that she was right: that running away never fixes anything, because at some point you’ll always have to come back home.
#I wrote this a few days ago and then just saved it as a draft#but basically I’m having a hard time feeling like the people I want to connect with have room for me in their lives#like 🔮 pretty much already said she didn’t; ⚡️ pretty much never responds to me#there’s drama happening in the scene and I don’t know anything about it because I don’t know anyone really and also I’m not home#and even when I am home it’s like ‘show tonight! everyone is going!’ and I constantly have to work#like everyone keeps being like ‘yeah it’s so hard to break into an already establish friend group’ especially when now no one wants to-#-make the effort to include me#punk gets mail
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May your hardened heart be woken By the soft and distant song Of all you left here unspoken All the shards we keep stepping on - Take this body home Take this body home Call the wind, and let her know Take this life outgrown Take this broken soul Call the stars, call them all And take it high, take it far, take it home
#svsss#luo binghe#shen qingqiu#bingqiu#sqq#lbh#scum villain#heard the song Take This Body Home by Rose Betts and it nearly took me out at the knees#it really really suits sqq's self-detonation in hua yue city right? i'm not the only one feeling this?#considered adding some literal shards for them to be stepping on - since sqq's sword explodes - but i couldn't quite make it work#anyway this has been playing like a music video in my head for the past couple days highly recommend listening to the song#if you haven't heard it before#can't get over the absolute dissonance between how sqq views this scene and how everyone else must feel about it#like to him he's just completing his plan - hopefully keeping lbh from destroying a city with energy imbalance and escaping The Plot#nbd! he and sqh have planned it all out it's FINE :) off he goes!#meanwhile everyone who loves him - including lbh who worked years to get back to him and is trying to work through a lot of grief#and resentment and doubt and longing and... - watches him DIE in FRONT OF THEM#just collapse while coughing up blood sword disintegrating energy completely consumed#like holy hell sqq could you traumatize the people around you any more???#no wonder lbh went a little bit crazy after that like my man was already not in a great place but what the fuck#lbh watches his shizun presumably sacrifice himself for him ONCE AGAIN like after he's finally Gotten Strong his shizun is STILL#coming to harm in an effort to make up for his shortcomings#my art#most of the time out here drawing what amounts to muppets and then sometimes i get the urge for this and just need to cover everyone in blo
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its like. really not that hard.
#say it with me folks!#when we introduce diversity to (much beloved) characters#we DO NOT strip them. of their individuality#ESPECIALLY!!! YOUNG GIRLS#AND THATS THE WHOLE FUCKING POINT. OF WONDLA#we want better representation. that means we're making characters poc. thats so awesome BUT HOLY FUCK#you render that effort NULL AND VOID! when you DONT INCLUDE#EVERY PIECE OF PERSONALITY#AND SELF EXPRESSION#THAT THE ORIGINAL CHARACTER HAD#i cant believe how STUPID MOVIE STUDIOS ARE#the search for wondla#wondla#adaptation#fanart#my art#text
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“Haven’t You Noticed (I’m a Star)” from Steven Universe works so ridiculously well for Leo
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt headcanons#rottmnt leo#rise leo#listen it’s morning now and I haven’t slept so bear with me for the sudden unwarranted lyric analysis haha#a lotttt of the lyrics work so well for him#not even just the overall theme the words just work great#first lyric is literally ‘I can’t help it if I make a scene’ which is one to one with ‘Leo’s makin a scene’ from the rottmnt opening like-#‘I’m turning heads and I’m stopping traffic’ -> Leo has not made it a secret that he values his looks a LOT#-not just his looks but also his ability to get people’s attention#‘when I pose they scream when I joke they laugh’ -> I feel like this speaks for itself#-posing and joking for the crowd and himself#‘I’ve got them dazzled like a stage magician’ -> works both with Leo’s canonical love of magicians and his aptitude with tricks in general#‘well everybody needs a friend and I’ve got you and you and you’ -> I just think it’d be cute to imagine his friends here just as his bros#‘I got you and you and you’ = ‘my brainy guy my smashing guy and eats peanut butter with his fingers guy’#‘haven’t you noticed that I’m a star?’ -> Leo loves attention and especially loves when his feats and efforts are acknowledged#+ he loves glam rock and sci-fi and being a champ and - listen he has a LOT of star symbolism with him#‘haven’t you noticed I made it this far’ - Leo is well aware of how dangerous situations get and thinks himself only a part of a whole#-so hey it’s notable that he’s survived this long yeah?#‘now everyone can see me burning’ -> self-sacrificing with his family bearing witness + all his star and flame symbolism in general#+ how attention naturally goes to him - including bad attention where his mistakes are highlighted and burn bright#also even the limo lyric-#obviously this boy has never and will never own a limo but one of his main secondary colors IS pink so even that#okay that one is just a joke but he would#(on that note though I think the other colors the boys gravitate to outside THEIR color are fun to notice)#I don’t actually know too much about Steven universe beyond the songs and some eps but I like the music#and this just came to my tired mind so here you go anyone who’s interested#may draw something with these lyrics dunno yet#it’s a good song in any case even though it’s super short
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Medical racism isn't important to address just because it's mean to be racist to patients (I mean, it is mean), but because medical racism kills people. It contributes to systemic suffering of those deemed non-white, and the disinformation that spreads about non-white people.
#politics#racism#racism tw#medical racism tw#i've noticed my modern medical textbooks are trying to be more explicitly includive (objectively good)...#...but i don't think it should stop there. in fact i worry sometimes that people will see broad inclusion...#...as the only goal to achieve when i think more active measures should be taken to address and fix the inherent problems of racism#medical racism isn't the only kind of racism obviously but man... hearing the stories about those who faced it terrify me#it's a nightmare to think about and i can't express just HOW important it is to vehemently oppose letting it fester#something i've noticed because again my textbooks make more of an effort...#...but then i got to a lab and only one of those expensive human models weren't white and like. it's a little thing but it makes me think
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But unlike you, who gave up on your wish, and almost destroyed the world in the process...
I gave up on my wish, and destroyed myself.
#in stars and time#isat#isat comic#isat spoilers#isat siffrin#isat bonnie#isat loop#mine#isat au#kinda#ok warnings...#how do you warn for self-inflicted amnesia#self harm cw#suicide kind of??#uhhh#yeah idk what else to include#and i gotta leave for the airport in like 5hrs and i'm hoping at least three of those i can be asleep so#here#rushed but it wasn't getting done if i didn't rush it#that dialogue just fucks w me#in a world where wishes can legit be a form of magic... it's a pretty significant choice of words#for loop especially#the design is similar to the one i posted before but w a few differences#since they're not tryna differentiate themself from siffrin as much and they're not putting as much effort into their appearance#so hair is still messy and they have gloves bc it's still the best way to keep from biting their nails#the favor tree near this town is a cypress. idk if favor trees can be evergreens but that's my justification for their name#oh and they work at a library bc the librarian took them in#after she like. found them under the favor tree with that book and nothing else#i was gonna say that in the comic but then it was ten pages and i was out of time#i hope it still makes sense with all the exposition i cut lol
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roadkill.
my art entry for @megaroniandcheez's dtiys. see tags for notes and explanations on the art. also tumblr may have absolutely nuked the quality so click the picture for a better look
#dream discusses bsd 🖋️#dream doodles 🖋️#cheez dtiys#this took between 6-8 hours. I don't know the exact time since I wasn't really keeping track#anyways this would've come out quicker if I hadn't put it off for a few days but I really needed to take a break since it got frustrating#the bg and skeleton were already done but I was really stuck on what to do with chuuya and I even scrapped the original pose I had for him#it was too difficult given my current skill set. but I can see how i've improved since my last major piece (aka my own dtiys)#but yeah. also disregard his gloves I literally forgot that and I didn't want to detail his actual hands so. gloves it was. yeah.#for my sake just pretend that he either forgot or just activated corruption suddenly so then he'll rip them off anyways#still drew his hat blowing away amidst the flurry of feathers though#oh also this is 16 chuuya. 22 chuuya's hair PAINS me to draw so I went the gay little ponytail route#design notes include making his coat have fur to reference how he was based off of a bearded vulture#also his wings were very fun to draw. I used an actual picture of a bearded vulture as reference too#I got a little lazy with the ram skeleton but the skull has the most amount of effort put into it#I considered adding remnants of flesh still sticking to the bones themselves but bearded vultures primarily eat bones/bone marrow anyways#also technically I used this dtiys as a way to test out my art program's filters with the blurring of said ram skeleton. really adds depth#CEO of nonsensical backgrounds. that's a forest I just also got lazy with it. not the main focus of the drawing#I do like the backlighting and the corruption marks though. very proud of how that turned out. this whole thing was experimental#not sure if i'll hate this piece eventually but I'm proud of it at the moment so reblogs are greatly appreciated#dtiys#dtiys entry#bsd#bungo stray dogs#bungou stray dogs#bsd chuuya#bsd fanart#bungou stray dogs fanart#bungou stray dogs chuuya#bungo stray dogs fanart#bungo stray dogs chuuya
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It's actually fascinating what information organizations include for their demographics
My hospital profile lists me as lutheran (I'm not; my family are), and obviously they have jewish as a whole category. They have three different "types" of lutheran (I still don't know the differences between these), jainism, native american (I wonder if native religions have names; surely you can't lump them all as one big category when there are three lutheranisms listed?), and zoroastrianism (which is extra neat considering zoroastrians make up around 0.0029-0.01% of the population of the USA and we live in a very small town), and a few other options
But then the only ethnic background you can choose is ashkenazi jew? No sephardi, no mizrahi, just ashki? Yes, it is true that more ashki jews emigrated to the USA and therefore make up the majority of the population of USA jews, but ashki aren't the only "types" of jews with an ethnic background 😭
#jumblr#personal thoughts tag#long post#i'm not complaining about zoroastrianism being listed obviously; i am fully in support of its inclusion REGARDLESS of the numbers#i'm just confused that there is a level of consideration put into the list but then that effort drops off#i'm not educated enough on native religions so the parenthesis are me genuinely wondering#because it doesn't make sense to lump All Native Americans as one in any other sense (esp. with cultural practices)#so it only makes sense that that would apply to religious belief. no?#i applaud the effort. i want them to push that envelope even further if they want to be inclusive to patients on religious and ethnic bases#okay technically they include more ethnicities than ashki jew. those other ethnicities are 'other' and 'unknown'
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i also made this little doodle tonight. hello
#RECORDED BROADCAST#PEARL - AQUAMARINE#thinking about just making my art and normal blog one and the same#idk too much effort to switch back and forth to me#lethal company#lethal company desmond#desmond lethal company#desmond#in my mind's eye desmond is like. the last surviving member of the original crew#sigurd included#and he just kind of stumbles through life with it drifting more and more out of his fingers the more time he spends at that job#until he eventually kicks the bucket one way or another#and he finally finds out what's on the other side of the door in the sky#lyrics are from dream puzzles' “if u only knew” it's what inspired most of this :3
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hot take moment cwilbur is literally just psychotic as all hell and i think people got way too comfortable villianizing the shit out of a man who was clearly portraying signs of severe mental illness. cwilbur was like im so fucking paranoid and scared and i think everyone is out to get me and hurt me and ive spiralled to the point i cant reach out to the people closest to me because im so afraid and lost in this spiral and im having constant panic attacks and hurting myself because i dong know what to do with myself and the only way out for me is to die. and everybody was like EVIL MAN WHO ENJOYS HURTING OTHERS AND IS ABUSIVE ON PURPOSE AND A VILLAIN AND SHOULD NEVER BE TRUSTED AGAIN. and then he came back and was like im still deeply troubled and afraid but im desperately trying to make up for the wrongs i did in the past and the people i hurt in my own way and communication is really hard for me but i hope people know that im truely sorry and i love them. im going to try my hardest to fix this in the only way i know how and then respectfully remove myself from the situation because i feel thats the kindest thing i can do to the people ive hurt. and people were like ABUSER ABUSER ABUSER EVIL MAN ABUSER. like girl
Yeah no based true real no questions asked
I'd hope I manage to portray Wilbur the way he deserves in my content, cause that man is heavily bpd coded and he just needs therapy and someone who genuinely loves him but also can handle his bullshit (which has exclusively and reliably been Quackity like, canonically)
But yeah no completely agreed. The man has issues and has definitely fucked up a lot but at the end of the day he really does need love and care and patience, but also boundaries (and therapy and meds, obviously)
#i deeeefinitely have no reason to have strong feelings about bpd bitches deserving love and care and stability ha ha nooo it's definitely-#-not like I've been dating one for well over 4 years now and even though we've been through so much shit together and I still can't-#-understand why people with bpd and conditions that have similar symptoms are so demonised. It just makes no sense to me.#my bf is the love of my life and i can't imagine /not/ supporting it through all the splitting and episodes and all of that cause they're-#-absolutely worth everything#i don't know not to be too gay on main but tbf it's too late now anyway i think--#is it unstable? sure. but it's also the most caring and loving person i've ever been close with and it always makes sure i'm ok#and it loves me so undeniably deeply no matter what purely for who i am#i've never had anyone care about me this much and this genuinely and this unconditionally - it'd always be what /they/ can get out of /me/#but my boyfriend just cares about me - the actual me - no matter if i'm acting how it imagined i'd act. what matters is if i'm /me/#listen bpd isn't sunshine and rainbows - we've been through some TERRIBLE shit (including s-cide attempts)#but when people claim it makes a relationship toxic/abusive it's so stupid cause ultimately with mutual love support and reassurance-#-and professional help you can have a genuinely happy and healthy life with someone with bpd#love isn't mean to be easy. it's meant to be safe and supportive and genuine but a relationship always takes effort and work on both sides#you should never sacrifice your well being of course!#but when love takes effort and extra care it doesn't inherently mean it's unhealthy or toxic or abusive. it just means you're people.#tldr if you love someone then don't care about some diagnosis - care about the actual perso.#ask#asks#ask fern#tntduo#dsmp#tnt duo#wilbur soot#quackity#quackbur#dream smp#tntblr#c!quackbur#c!tntduo
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How To Gif: Glass Shatter Effect
By popular demand (ie, 7 people who voted in this poll), here is a tutorial on how to do the glass shatter effect I used to create the first gif in this set.
I use Photoshop CC 2015 (yes I know it's old) for my gifmaking, but you should be able to apply everything to newer versions of Photoshop. For this tutorial I'll be assuming you know the gifmaking basics, but if not, I would recommend this tutorial, which is the process I use to make gifs. Note that this particular process involves saving all of the frames, importing those frames into Photoshop, and then using an action to convert to a smart object.
Keep reading below the cut to learn how to do this effect!
Before I could start making this gif, I needed three things; the two scenes that I wanted to use, and a video of the glass shattering effect. I already knew the scenes I wanted, so then I took to YouTube to find a video which I can't for the life of me find again (edit: thanks to add1ctedt0you in the replies for linking this video!), but it looked like this:
Something like this is what you want. Ideally the green part would be entirely white, but as long as there are two clearly different colours you can usually work with it.
This looks a lot slower than the gif that I made, but that's not because of the frame rate - which is exactly the same above as in the final gif - it's just because there are extra frames in this slower one that I cut out. In the video I used, the glass shattering happened very slowly. I didn't want that, so I ended up skipping several frames when I loaded the frames into Photoshop before using my gifmaking action. I just did this by manually selecting one frame, skipping the next several before selecting another frame, and repeating this until I had selected 60 frames.
After using my gif action, I had a smart object of the glass shatter effect that looked like this:
That's a much better speed! It still wasn't quite where I needed it to be though. I needed this in black and white, so I slapped a hue/saturation adjustment on the smart object and set the saturation all the way down to -100.
Okay great, I could start putting the gif together now.
First, I made a copy of the glass shatter smart object, because I'll need that later. Then, I pulled in frames from the scene that I wanted to appear in the hole after the glass shatters, and I used those to create a new smart object with my gif action (we'll call it Scene-bg). I pulled Scene-bg into the same window as the glass shatter objects. Then I created a new smart object by combining one of the glass shatter objects with Scene-bg, which I did by selecting both layers right clicking, and selecting "Convert to Smart Object".
I renamed this smart object to Shatter-fg. I opened it by clicking on the little icon next to the layer name in the layers window here:
The most important thing here is that the shatter effect object should be the top layer, and I set the mode to "lighten". This will make sure that the lightest colour of either this layer and the layer behind it is displayed; that means that anywhere that's white in our shatter animation will still show up, but anywhere that's black we'll see what's in the layer(s) behind it.
Then I threw some adjustment layers between them to get the colouring I wanted. I used a curves layer, a hue/saturation layer, and I also added text with an outer glow layer effect. Here's what the layer order looked like and the settings I used for each layer:
After this process, Shatter-fg looked like this:
Okay nice, this is starting to look like something! I saved this and went back to the main file with the other glass shatter object.
I needed to invert that other glass shatter object. There's a weird quirk with the version of Photoshop that I use where it doesn't like it when I apply specifically an invert adjustment to a smart object (it appears correctly when editing, but not on export) so I did this by creating a new smart object which included a separate invert layer, but if you have a newer version of Photoshop you can probably just apply the invert adjustment directly. Just note that you'll need to do one of these options; it won't work if you add a separate adjustment layer in the main file, it needs to be applied specifically to the smart object (which we'll now be calling Shatter-bg). It looked like this after I inverted it:
Once that's done, I made sure Shatter-fg was the layer directly above Shatter-bg, and set the mode of Shatter-fg to "darken" and Shatter-bg to "lighten". Since Shatter-fg is set to darken, it will be visible only when it is darker than the layer behind it. By setting Shatter-bg to lighten, I've guaranteed that the layer behind it will always be lighter (ie, white) in the places we want Shatter-fg to be visible, and will be black otherwise. Once I update those settings, this is what the gif looked like:
This is all there is to the glass shatter effect itself. Next I pulled in frames from the second scene to fill in the black areas. This layer needed to go below both glass shatter layers, so that it only shows through where the black. Then I added adjustment layers and some text. I used curves, hue/saturation, and vibrance adjustment layers, and I also added the "archer" text below the glass shatter layers so that it would be hidden to reveal the "prey" text. The other text I added above all of the layers, since I wanted this to be visible all the time. Here is the layer order and all of the settings I used for each of the layers:
I also grouped Shatter-bg and Shatter-fg and shifted them on the timeline so there would be some time to see the background gif before the shatter effect starts.
And that's all! Then it''s just a matter of exporting the finished product:
This is the first gifmaking tutorial I've ever made, so I hope I was able to be reasonably coherent and helpful! I'd love to hear if you make anything by following these steps, or even if you just feel like you've learned something reading through this. And if you have any outstanding questions, feel free to reply or send me an ask and I'd be happy to answer!
#gifmaking#tutorials#gifmaking tutorial#gif tutorial#photoshop#photoshop tutorial#usergif#gleesource#my tutorials#mine#how to gif#tw mark salling#mark salling tw#not tagging as glee because it's not actually about that but wanted the tw tags just in case#this was so much more effort to put together than I thought it would be lmao#I was like oh yeah I've already made the whole gif I just need to go back and explain how I did that...#it took A WHILE#anywayyyy it was fun though so I'm glad I did it#would love to know if anyone finds this helpful or interesting or tries out the effect or something similar!#you can also just grab the black/white gif I included above if you want to do the effect since I can't find the video... sorry lol#but yeah you have my permission to steal the black/white gifs for gifmaking purposes if you would like#just don't like. post your own tutorial claiming you made it or something?? but like you don't need to credit me or anything obviously.#ANYWAYYYY#I feel like... a LITTLE pretentious thinking I'm good enough at making gifs to be qualified to make a tutorial#but like it's fineeee everything is fine#gonna finally post this now enjoy byeeee
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could you make this post? please, it's so fascinating i really want to hear your thoughts on it
"The Dark Tower" Morgwen Interactions Analysis
i've literally been waiting for someone to ask me this so i can go all out in answer, so you're literally my favorite- THANK YOU! i've tried to put all the thoughts swirling around in my head into one coherent post, so strap in and let's LOOK AT THE IMPLICATIONS (from my perspective)!
first and most importantly, i want to zero in on morgana's choice of kidnapee; she could've chosen anyone in camelot, any one of the knigts who were regularly privy to arthur's battle plans and schedule, but nope. if we're looking at it from the perspective of "she needs the closest person to arthur" wouldn't that be merlin? she could have kidnapped and brainwashed him; he would've made for a fabulous inconspicious mole in the court, and arthur literally goes to him for anything and everything. i actually think it would make for a really interesting au/fic if it were merlin who was kidnapped instead of gwen (love confession/magic reveal possibilities are ENDLESS), but maybe it's a little too close to the plot of "a servant of two masters" and the writers didn't want to be repetitive. i'm going to be biased and delusional in believing that morgana did choose gwen, in particular, for more personal reasons as well as for her nefarious ones.
the way i see it (and this is obviously very objective), by the time we get to this point in s5, morgana is LONELY, like, has-no-one-in-the-world-except-aithusa type of lonely, and her choice of allies has been lacking diversity as of late (why are they all men 💀), AND they all end up dying anyway. so, she needs a plan, and she needs a trusted ally (she also needs a bit of love and lip balm cause DAMN). BUT the thing is, why would anyone be loyal to her? she's never kept any allies (or friends) thanks to her wit and charm alone, she's only ever kept men loyal to her by striking fear in their hearts. it's the same for her friends and family, i think. she doesn't believe they even tolerate her existence, so she needs to be crowned queen to subdue them and FORCE them to respect her. the same goes for gwen. she was only morgana's friend when morgana was a naive and vulnerable girl, plagued by nightmares and unexplained fears, and the second morgana grew out of them (or learned to control them) gwen stopped being affectionate, stopped being open. that's how morgana sees it, and it only reinforces her belief that gwen would never understand the person she's become now, she wouldn't quite see what morgana was trying to do. unless morgana forced her to.
the whole kidnapping affair was to MAKE gwen understand, because she wouldn't do it of her own free will. gwen would never willingly be on morgana's side, so she had to jump through a few morally questionable hoops to bring her over. in the end, i do believe all morgana really wanted was a friend (maybe a little bit more, amirite ladies), though by this point her concept of friendship had become twisted beyond recognition, and in all the chaos, this was the only way she thought she could have one. throughout the episode, a lot of the old morgana shines through, even if it is portrayed as just manipulation, and i do think that was her either slipping back into old habits or forcing herself to, for the sake of the brainwashing and for the sake of their friendship that she's trying to rekindle.
a point that i've seen several people make is that between the niceties, the "real" morgana peeks through several times throughout the ep, but i kinda disagree. i don't necessarily think that just because her smile drops, it means that the niceties were a facade and her "evil" side pops back out. i read the sudden change in expression more as disappointment. gwen fights back with such vigour that it's probably painful for morgana to realize that her former friend sees her as nothing more than an evil witch who's hell-bent on hurting her, now. she's disappointed that gwen, who was supposed to know her best, believes what the others do, and doesn't believe that morgana is being sincere in her offer of friendship.
a small remark i also have is: why wasn't morgana one of the visions/hallucinations gwen had in the dark tower? it's interesting to see that the closest three people to gwen are her brother, arthur, and merlin, of all people. i feel like gwen's history with morgana has to have had a lasting effect on both of them, even if morgana is supposed to be "evil" now. you don't stop loving someone just because they've chosen (or BEEN chosen by) the dark side. morgana was one of the people gwen cared about most in seasons 1 through 3 (s3 is pushing it a little, but still), it doesn't really make sense for it all to be forgotten so completely like we see in this episode. i also think it would've been super interesting to see a hallucination of younger morgana in particular, partially as a reminder that part of gwen still cares about morgana and largely because i'd like to see how gwen would react to that vision... would it differ from the other three? what would morgana do? would she sneer and laugh like elyan and arthur? would she do a little rawr like merlin (😭)? i feel like a ficlet is in order for this concept cause i would like to see it but i have to imagine it first (but that's the hard part 😭)
NOW ONTO THE MOST DELICIOUS PART OF THIS ANALYSIS: THE QUOTES
M: "Would you prefer some chicken?"
i just found this one hilarious tbh like she's so out of pocket what are you doing offering your kidnapee some chicken and WHAT WAS THE OTHER OPTION, IF NOT CHICKEN?
M: "I know how lonely you must be, all by yourself in that room. At least you're not shackled, and there's daylight. You can move, you can see."
oof. she's obviously referring to her own capture and torture, pulling from her own experience. it's heartwrenching that morgana has been through all of this, traumatised beyond reason, but it's even more heartwrenching that she thinks she's doing gwen a service, like this. it might not seem like that to any sane person, but after everything she's been through, morgana's worldview is completely different. in her mind, however twisted and detached it has become, she's being merciful to gwen this way, giving her luxuries that she was never afforded when she was captured. (including a warm meal with chicken at miss havisham's table 🤩)
M: "I too have suffered, Gwen. I spent two years living in darkness. I spent two years chained to a wall at the bottom of a pit... You did not know."
goddddd this line... it's just so painful, so powerful, so indicative of SO MANY THINGS. it's EVERYTHING. every acting choice katie and angel made in this scene was brilliant but ESPECIALLY their facial expressions in this particular part WOAH. the way morgana's voice cracks on the word "pit" is DEVASTATING. i was floored. the way gwen's face falls as she processes her words and they properly set in... INCREDIBLE. the concern in gwen's eyes is palpable as she realizes the horrors inflicted on her friend. and the final "you did not know" was so, so powerful. morgana realizes that gwen didn't know about and clearly wasn't okay with what she went through. gwen had no part in it. morgana SMILES at gwen's reaction, but instead of it being a smile of malice or evil it's one of RELIEF, and one that she hides very promptly. she's reassured in the knowledge that gwen had no idea she had suffered so immensely, and that, more importantly, she wasn't involved in it. it's SO important to note that morgana has no idea whether arthur had a hand in her own torture or not. it's especially not a good look on him that he invites the sarrum as a friend of camelot so soon after the events of "the dark tower", so, as far as morgana knows, he could've been a "friend" when she was being tortured for years, too. i wonder what would've happened if morgana had kidnapped gwen AFTER the sarrum's visit to camelot... i feel like that would have complicated things with gwen much further, if morgana thought she was complicit in her imprisonment.
M: "I would have sold my soul for someone to show me kindness such as this."
only two points on this heartbreaking line: 1- FUCK the sarrum of amata. all my homies HATE the sarrum. s4 and s5 morgana might both be textbook cases of "evil", but they're two VERY different people with two very different worldviews and tactics. morgana's imprisonment turned her into the cold husk of a person she is by s5. and 2- this just further confirms that morgana thinks she's doing gwen a favor, dining with her and letting sunlight into her room and choosing not to tie her up etc.
M: "Your hands are cold... I have a warm fire going for you."
oh boy is this a MOMENT. the way morgana keeps her hand held out. the way gwen reluctantly puts her hand in hers (MORGWEN HAND-HOLD!) *ivy by taylor swift starts playing out of nowhere* {ohhhhh goddamn, my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand, taking mine, but it's been promised to another, ohhh}
um anyway i digressed. then the way gwen wriggles her hand out of morgana's grasp, while morgana grips her fingers with unwavering determination... it's just delicious.
M: "Anything you want, you can have. I'll give it to you."
idk about you but personally i'm SOLD. take all my money. i read this as morgana trying her utmost best to sell gwen on joining her, but i can also see the manipulation laced in it.
G: "Why are you doing this?"
M: "Because we're friends. We always were."
to me, this reinforces the theory that morgana's just trying to get her friend back on her side. by stating that they've always been friends, morgana reaffirms their friendship as much to herself as to gwen. she was her friend once, and she can be again.
M: "I'm helping you. I'm looking after you."
this sort of feels like morgana is telling herself that, more than she's telling gwen. maybe it's just part of the manipulation process, but i do believe that this was morgana's conscience reassuring her that what she's doing is in gwen's favor and that she's being kind to her.
M: "It's alright, I'm here."
UGH this line. morgana is being the person she needed when she was imprisoned. this scene is also a parallel to all the times morgana woke up screaming in the middle of the night and gwen was there to comfort her in s1/2. this time the tables have turned and it's morgana comforting gwen. simply delicious.
M: "My darling, I was wrong to make you suffer."
TEA! to say that this line was spoken from the bottom of morgana's heart might just be a bit too delusional, but i like to think there's at least some truth to it. torturing gwen had a lot of paralells to morgana's own imprisonment and torture, and she did want to make her suffer, at least in the beginning. but it was also different from what morgana went through. this is NOT to justify torture, btw, torture is BAD, but her "manipulation" tactics got a bit too personal at some point, and i like to think at least a part of it was genuine.
G: "No. Whatever twisted game you're playing, I want no part in it. I would rather stay here and die."
ouch. gwen's resistance to the last possible minute shows such strength on her part (cause me? i would've given in before she even dragged me through the desert tbh) and it gave us such a delicious performance from angel; the reluctance? the uncertainty? the distrust? the relief that morgana is there but also the FEAR of what she's doing? the contradiction between the morgana that gwen once knew and the morgana that everyone KNOWS is evil? but the morgana that gwen once knew is shining through now, and she's saying everything gwen wants to hear... grade-A angst.
IN CONCLUSION they're gfs your honor, this was all just a plot to snatch gwen back from arthur cause morgana didn't think seducing her herself would work. (this phrase could be in reference to this ep or the "lancelot du lac" ep i'm cackling morgana really is hopeless) there are also SEVERAL psychological layers to it, but describing it this way is just easier.
SO... this is possibly the longest post i've ever made. it got a little more comprehensive than i originally thought it would be, but THERE YOU HAVE IT! that's my take on the morgwen interactions in the dark tower. if i seem a little biased, that's because i 100% am :) i hope that clears things up. this is an open invitation to keep sending me asks (even if it's about the most random things ever) cause i love them and i love every single person who sends in an ask, and a public apology for how long these answers get sometimes 😭
#the fuckass sarrum is public enemy number one#hate that guy#morgana defender til the day i die#yes she's done some questionable things but have you considered that she's baby#can you tell i'm biased#save me morgwen save me#morgwen will probably be my undoing at this point#they're so special to me#the dark tower#this episode was a whole rollercoaster#morgana's gf might've been stolen from her but she stole her BACK#and now she's dragging her across the desert#now they're having a lil heart to heart#back to torture#fruity#HAND HOLDING#torture again#bunch of other stuff happens#FRUITY AGAIN!#that's pretty much the summary#anyway i hope this is coherent enough to be read#feel free to discuss#include me in the discussion too i'm making an effort to socialize#bbc merlin#morgana pendragon#morgana#guinevere#morgwen#merlin theory
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I bought myself some CDs :3
#five of them in fact. i have a collection of cds that i started in high school#and i've been making more of an effort to add to it lately with the decline of physical media#cds are so expensive now. like everything else. but it's worth it to me anyways#i did get two of them used so that brought the cost down a bit#but also! 3 of them have the little booklets with the tracklist and lyrics and extra art or photos#and another has a booklet that's just a ton of art the band commissioned for the album (or one of them did it themselves idk)#one doesn't have a booklet at all unfortunately and it's one that i bought new so it's not like it's missing they just didn't include one#which is too bad cause the one with all the art and the one with no booklet are by the same band so it would have been cool to see somethin#similar for the other album#still tho i'm quite pleased with my finds. i really love having physical cds#i'm certain one of them was the only cd from that artist in the entire store (huge place so much to look at i love going there)#her cds were completely sold out when i looked in the section they should have been in but i found ONE in the recent arrivals#they just keep all the cds they acquired within the last week in this one display organized only by the day they arrived#so i leafed thru the entire week's worth of cds and found this single album and it was such lovely serendipity#august talking
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Blehhh
#so like#physical therapy and medical stuff has been cutting into my sleep for three weeks now#and yesterday we were up to like noon thirty cuz we had to talk to a lawyer#and a few days ago we asked her what the turkey day plans are#and she said dinner at 1pm. fucking one in the afternoon.#we've identified 1-3pm to her as the hardest times for us make cuz it's basically the middle of when we are sleeping#normally we try for ~9:30 am to be in bed or getting in#and up around 5 or 6#and it's just#i know she's not doing it to single me out she's just an insane woman when it comes to her schedule#but it would have been nice if she ever made any effort to try make sure we could be included -_-#cuz this was an issue last few thanksgivings too#so she KNOWS about it#she can't not know about it#and idk#one of my sister's always got judgy about it cuz ~she works 60+ hours a week~#and i didn't show up on time to help cook cuz i needed a nap after work#and i KNOW she's gonna be a bitch about is not being at the gathering#though i don't think she'll contact me about it#and like#i would love to go honestly!#that's the kicker!#if it was at 4pm it something I'd absolutely go!#my sister's just moved so i won't get to see them often and i would like to visit with them#not to mention we could use a good free meal >.>#but like#fuck dude#we're already exhausted and we're kinda sick of having to meet my mom at a place that's unreasonable for us#so i guess it's Thanksgiving alone at my place of a bowl of chili with cheese and some potato salad#means we get stream at least
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brooke :) im not totally happy with the design so it might change in small ways but. yeagh! siren!
#also and this is so specific but to me her voice is exactly like the librarian from hilda. like almost perfectly#shes not ''disabled'' in the sense that she has anything physically wrong but is disabled functionally when on land in a lot of ways#she comes on land at first out of neccessity and then because shes made friends :-3 but the other members of superbignaturals do#make an effort to keep brooke as comfortable as possible and that includes buying a huge inflatable pool for their garage#aceart#oc#superbignaturals tag
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SO. Over a year ago in July I was tagged by @arrow90-quiver on this picrew, a time so long that the post on which I was tagged no longer exists and I could only locate a version of it through my email because I had email notifications on for tags and thus a full copy of the post in my email. I know it is VERY LATE, but last year I convinced myself that I could not post this without doing art for it, and by now I've done a lot of art for it at various points. So I'm still posting this I'msososorry
In addition to Balthazar and Carmen, I made my other two Kingmaker characters- my Varnhold's Lot general Xinyue and my good run baroness Teliah. Teliah is a nervous wreck of an NG halfling druid and she is driven by twitchy prey animal instinct in everything. Xinyue is a CG human magus and she is like a himbo for girls. No one is as cringe or fail as her, or as oblivious to it. She once failed so many Athletics checks to climb a cliff in a row (falling on her face every time) that I finally gave up and decided to split the party for that half of the map and leave her down there. What a woman. It's endearing to me, I can't help but root for her
I am. Not tagging anyone. Due to the time. Haha. Whoops.
#most of the art on this is from last july. only the group picture (very messy) is from today#I imagine that in the one with the takeout xinyue is picking up food for the rest of the varnling host#it all makes it back safely mostly. despite some close calls.#there is one other balthazar not included in this but there's a bad marker accident on that one that has to be fixed digitally#and I don't have that five minutes of effort in me tonight#tag game#emi art#balthazar lucienne#carmen regis#teliah#xinyue#'why doesn't xinyue have a pride flag' token straight character. one of her various funny traits.#she would show up to varnhold pride and say that she thought the a was for ally. she means well.
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