#-i need to actually ask for help though cause I've done too much myself for too long

[lightkrets312]

I think there's something skewed in my idea of what "help" is.

[odditycircus-2002]

Mortal Kombat 1 Intros with Medusa!Reader Part II

Li Mei

Y/N: Are you sure we cannot keep the traitor as a lovely ornament?

Li Mei: Reiko has to face trial like anyone else, Y/N.

/

Y/N: I still regret that I could not have done more for Sindel.

Li Mei: I know it pains you, but no one is accusing you of doing nothing.

/

Y/N: I am not sure I can give a testimony without trying to kill Shang Tsung on sight.

Li Mei: Justice cannot function properly unless you follow it thoroughly.

/

Y/N: I hope you're still not holding it against Syzoth for disturbing the lantern festival.

Li Mei: After everything he's done for the Empire? I'll let him off with a warning this time.

/

Li Mei: It is thanks to you that most of Sun Do's constables survived our battle with Shao and his allies.

Y/N: I am glad to hear they made full recoveries.

/

Li Mei: You must put your faith in justice.

Y/N: There is no such thing as it, the best I could hope for is revenge.

/

Li Mei: It still baffles me that you managed to slip away from me the first time you came to the palace.

Y/N: What can I say? I've always been the slippery type.

Kitana

Y/N: I am presuming that Li Mei wishes to speak with me about slipping hallucinogenic mushrooms into the rebel army's food supply.

Kitana: You did what now?!

/

Y/N wistfully: It seems like only yesterday to me that I helped bring you into the world.

Kitana: Time tends to fly by like that, Y/N.

/

Y/N surprised: I understand honoring Baraka, but Mileena wants to do the same with me?

Kitana: You have served Outworld with as much determination and loyalty as any honored soldier, Y/N

/

Y/N: I am truly sorry I couldn't save your mother.

Kitana: My family and I know more than anyone how hard you try to keep her alive.

/

Kitana: By the gods, NO! That is absolutely a cruel idea.

Y/N: How is throwing food that is secretly explosives worse than Shao weaponizing Onaga?

/

Kitana: Perhaps you should stop coming to the strategy meetings...

Y/N: Is this about my latest suggestion?

/

Kitana: You have a sister?

Y/N: Yes, but we're not as close as you and Mileena.

Liu Kang

Liu Kang: Even though he proves to be resilient, I’d be wary of Baraka loosing control.

Y/N: Have you forgotten I too was once a beauty now a turned beast?

/

Liu Kang: Baraka and his fellow Tarkatans view you as a beacon of hope for all you’ve done for them.

Y/N: Only because NO ONE elssse would help those poor unfortunate soulsss!

/

Liu Kang: Do not become tempted by Shang Tsung’s Well of Souls.

Y/N: If you had any chance of saving the one you loved from a cruel fate, wouldn’t you take it? /

Y/N: I asked you to kill me in a previous timeline???

Liu Kang: Kronika made it so you cannot go on without Shang Tsung. /

Y/N: I was a dangerous enemy in a past timeline, why didn’t you erase me for good?

Liu Kang: Because I had hoped that with better circumstances, you’d turn out kinder.

/

Y/N: I am grateful that you didn’t have me predestined to marry Shang Tsung

Liu Kang: As am I that you had an actual choice to choose who to love.

/

Y/N: I hope you do not expect I pray to you, not when I have to rely on myself to heal others.

Liu Kang: No, I do not need any of the sort, Y/N.

Kiu Liang (Scorpion)

Y/N: For freeing me from Shang Tsung and Quan-chi, I am in your debt till death.

Kiu Liang: I could not stand idly by and let the Sorcerers continue to use you.

/

Y/N: Thank you again for those earthrealm medical books you've gifted me.

Kiu Liang: May they prove to greatly help your cause.

/

Y/N: Truth be told, I envy that you and your new bride have life to look forward to together.

Kiu Liang: I understand why your heart would be in such turmoil.

/

Y/N: My venom is more than strong enough to overpower yours.

Kiu Liang: But can you take the force of my sting?

/

Kiu Liang: Baraka and the rest of the Colony are fortunate to have you as their healer.

Y/N: As is the Shirai Ryu for having you as Grandmaster.

/

Kiu Liang: I promise you, my clan and I will ensure that Bi-han is tried for his crimes-

Y/N angrily hisses: I do NOT care that he'sssss your brother! He must be cut like the tumor he is for hisssss attack on the colony!

/

Kiu Liang: You taught Outworlds High Mage hydromancy?

Y/N: Only the basics. He bringsssss me great shame for abusing the magic he's learned.

Sub-Zero (Bi-Han)

Y/N: Kuia-Liang will be disappointed that he's not the one who finished you.

Bi-Han: He will be disappointed to know you died thinking you could.

/

Y/N: You are plague to everything you touch.

Bi-Han: Only to those who would stand against me or my clan.

/

Y/N angrily and hissing: You killed my patientssss!!!

Bi-Han: I did them a favor by releasing them from their misery.

/

Y/N: Taking Shang Tsung's offer was a foolish mistake.

Bi-Han: You're right. I do not need his sorcery to bring power and glory to my clan.

/

Bi-Han: What manner of illness did you give my Lin Kuei, witch?!

Y/N patronizingly: I thought your clan was supposed to be stronger.

/

Bi-Han: I know your cold blood will stand no chance against my cryomancy.

Y/N: Actually, I ssstill remain warm-blooded.

/

Bi-Han: Your hydromancy has no chance against my cryromancy.

Y/N: Have you forgotten what ice is made from, Bi-han?

Rain

Rain: Why did you never teach ME how to control blood?

Y/N: I wished to spare you of the magic’s cost of madness.

/

Rain: I will always regret my crimes against Seido

Y/N: If you’re truly remorseful, then their ssssouls shall haunt you till the day you die. /

Y/N: I did NOT teach you how to control water, sssso you could dishonor me or your family!

Rain: I know how deeply I’ve shamed all of you. /

Rain: With the magic you know, why did you never pursue becoming High Mage?

Y/N: To avoid being overwhelmed with ambition asssss you were. /

Y/N: Your once cleansing water are ssssstained with the blood of Seido’s victims.

Rain: It is something I can never truly wash away. /

Rain: I have surpassed your water magic!

Y/N: How bold to assume that I’ve taught you EVERYTHING about water’s capabilitiessss.

/

Y/N: You want to come with ME into the Kytinn Hive???

Rain: So I can finally start my penance.

[snowblossomreads]

Day 23: Under the Tree

Pairing: Severus Snape x Fem!Reader

Summary: Severus comes home to his living room looking much different than he left it thanks to [Y/n].

Tag(s)/Warning(s): fluff!, decorating for loved one, mentions of childhood poverty, kissing, mostly just cuteness

Word Count: 1.3K

A/N: Ekkk I'm posting this kinda late after running aroundish so apologize for anything with wacky grammar or spelling haha! But enjoy this cute little fluff with Snape!

"What in Salazer's name-! [Y/n] what is all of this?"

When Severus had left early that morning to attend to some business, his sitting room was under decorated as it usually was all year round. That meant piles of books were littered here and there and on the shelves that lined the wall. His typewriter sat on a little table with manuscripts he had been working on for a while. And piled high next to it, were more books along with his chair that sat next to the fireplace.

Yet, when he had returned and stepped into the room he was startled when he was met with the sight of a Christmas wonderland. Nothing had technically been moved, but things had been added to the space. 

Take for instance, the strings of garland that hung on all the shelves and across the fireplace with little holly leaves attached to them. There were also four green and silver striped stockings on the mantle of the fireplace, all of them evenly spaced out from one another.

Also, how could he forget about the tree that was half as tall as the bookshelves? Decorated with little colourful lights that twinkled and would slowly change colours, it also had been wrapped in some gaudy tinsel along with tiny ornaments that hung from the ends of different branches. The tree was insanely bright and much more colourful than most things in the house, and under it were a few gifts wrapped neatly. Before he could look for any more changes in the room, [Y/n] appeared in the kitchen doorway with a bright smile and an apron on.

"Severus!" She beamed as she wiped her hands on her apron and made her way to him with a warm smile. "Welcome back! Do you like what I've done with the place?" She asked, turning around to admire her handy work. "I figured since it's our first Christmas together it should be more festive feeling and I just couldn't help myself. I hope I didn't go too overboard though."

She had thought it a shame that they hadn't decorated for Christmas with how close it was and as it got closer it just didn't feel right to not have something festive looking in the house. So when Severus had left that morning, [Y/n] decided that their first Christmas wouldn't be complete without a tree and some decorations.

So she made her way to Hogsmeade and gathered as much decoration as she could find in the short amount of time that she had to pull what she had in mind. The hardest thing was to get a tree sent over quickly and discreetly. Thankfully it was a handy thing to be such a skilled witch as her as with one little wave of a wand, the miniature tree that she had found easily became a midsize one and large enough to fit all the decorations she had bought.

She had furiously decorated the whole room not stopping until everything was done as she wanted to give him a surprise. Once all the decorations were up, she quickly ran to place the presents that they had bought for one another underneath it. Was it a temptation to take a peek at them, absolutely but she didn't!

"I think I did amazing with the time crunch I had, but you're the wizard I need to impress! Soooo how'd you like it?"

"[Y/n] I-." He started, but stopped in mid sentence causing her to look at him and notice the slightly shocked expression on his features.

He didn't quite know what to say. It had been years, since he had seen the room like this. Alive with so much colour and cheer, that when he thought of it, he actually didn't believe that he had ever seen it so full of life.

As a child, when they decorated, and that was if his parents could afford to, they would only usually have a tiny tree that had already lost a lot of it's needles. The lights were not colorful just a bright white with missing bulbs here and there, and there would usually be two or three things under the tree if anything at all.

So to see so much Christmas in his home, had his heart swirling with emotions that he still had a hard time coming to terms with. It all felt so new that all he could do was sit in silence for a moment as he took in what [Y/n] had done for him.

"Severus?" She questioned, unsure if the silence that was between them was good or bad as he had not yet voice an opinion either way.

She had been nervous about her whole decorating scheme and him not answering her made her stomach twist uncomfortably as she thought she had done something wrong.

"Oh gosh I've messed up haven't I? I debated on telling you but I thought it be a fun surprise," you know?" She babbled nervously, wringing her hands on her apron while trying to explain her reasoning. "I know you don't  like your stuff being moved about so I tried to work around it, but I just thought it be nice for a spark of colour to light the place up. Not that I don't like it as it is! It's just-."

She didn't get to finish her rambling explanation because before another word left her lips, Severus had wrapped his arms around her in a hug and his lips were pressed against hers in a gentle yet passionate kiss.

All of the worry she had about overstepping instantly melted like snow on a warm day and she was kissing him back with the same passion. Arms wrapping around his waist to keep her from falling over at how good his lips felt against hers, she couldn't hold in the moan that left her throat as he kissed her over and over until she was breathless from his affection.

"It's beautiful [Y/n]," he husked in that rich baritone of his as he finally pulled away from her lips leaving her a bit light headed. "Absolutely wonderful. A Christmas wonderland is not what I expected when I came but it is wonderful present either way."

His approval had her heart soaring, while also causing her to relax in his hold now that she knew his silence wasn't because he was crossed with her. Letting out a breath of relief, [Y/n] shuffled in his hold so that her back was against his front and she delicately took his hands so that he would lace his fingers across her waist.

Leaning back, they both gazed at the room for a moment, admiring her handy work at making everything so festive in such a short amount of time.

"Well good," she sighed out as his arms tighten their hold against her as he leaned down to kiss the top of her head. "I was scared that you were going to hate it but it makes me feel better that you don't. And also I think the lights on the tree are lovely and I would hate to take them down."

"Mhmm, they are quite lovely, but for what it's worth," he whispered huskily in her ear, a sound that made her shiver in his arms. "I think you are the brightest light in this room and in any other."

His compliment caused an involuntary smile to bloom on her lips as she turned around to face the man she adored so much. A tiny smile was on his thin lips when she looked at him, yet it was his dark eyes that were alight that seemed to tell the story of how happy he was.

"Oh Severus I do love you," she whispered as she went to stroke his cheek, causing his eyes to soften at her.

"And I love you, darling, thank you for this," he responded before leaning down and kissing her once more as they were surrounded in their little wonderland.

[instarsandcrime]

A Divine Comedy of Errors

Hey @zensations35, guess who? Your Ra//dio//App//le request is all done! We've got Sick!Seraphim!Lu/ci/fer and Worried!A/la/stor. I did my best to balance the silly, the hurt, the comfort, the snz, and the feels! And I chose the macro and monsterfucker parts because it is my personal responsibility to experiment with my writing and, in the process, make myself suffer at all times. 👍

This is a sequel to my previous fic Overworked and Under-Managed, but honestly it can also be a standalone thing too! Though I did sprinkle in a few romantic gestures this time for good luck! And like before, I'm working off another Sick//tember//2024 prompt. This time it's "taking a sick day".

Quick cw! There's also a little bit of mess and, although it's not much, I still wanted to give a heads up just in case!

Alright, that's all from me. Enjoy!

---

“This is stupid.”

“Now now, there’s no need to be so touchy, Your Majesty.” Alastor cautioned, peering over a shoulder at his pathetic patient. Pouting, fluffy nightrobe wrapped snugly around his shivering frame. One arm bunching up the warm collar around his neck, a tissue box tucked under another.

“Hey! You dragged me out of bed at three in the morning without explaining anything and now I’m- ugh!” Disgust twisted the demon king’s face as he kicked swamp sludge from a poor, unsuspecting duck slipper, “—wading through whatever this shit is in the middle of a bayou! I can be as– uff! touchy as I want to be!”

“Hah! If you actually chose to sleep rather than push yourself to the breaking point, maybe then you wouldn't be here spouting your grand excuses.”

”Well maybe it's because I suck at bed rest, okay?! Sure I've got the bed part down. That's simple! Easy! One quick hop and you're done! But the rest part? Nope. Nuh-uh. The second I close my eyes I feel a tickle. And when I feel a tickle I just know I'll cause some kind of chaos around the hotel. So it's my responsibility to keep myself under control in case I– ...in ca-case I...hih!" A pause. His nose twitched, breaths turning shallow. He couldn't help but groan in frustration as he ripped a cluster of tissues from his box to stifle painfully for the billionth time.

"Ht’chnx! Hn’chxt! H-hehhh–” Sneeze. In case he sneezed. Saints above was he sick of doing that. “Heh’TCHNX’hewww…ow."

“And what well-timed proof of your incompetence. I should be grateful, really.” Alastor grumbled, dusting the newly created pink glitter from his suit. 

“Oh shut…up…hhh–!” Before Lucifer could even lift a finger to suppress another possible fit, the other slid to his back. Squeaking in alarm when his arms were restrained by the crook of an elbow, spraying a fine mist straight into a gloved palm.

“Het’CHMPH! Guhhh…” Lucifer glared up at the looming demon, “Hey, what’s the big idea?!”

Alastor released his hold with a grimace, quickly disposing the near-soaked fabric into his shadow– followed by a spoonful of hand sanitizer. “Admittedly not very big, but certainly necessary.” 

“What do you mean by–”

“Ah, here we are.”

The Radio Demon surged forward, hooking a large fan of willow leaves with his cane to reveal a sudden clearing. Moss spread thickly across the plush, overgrown field, ripples peacefully lapping at the water’s edge. Fireflies hovered just above, hemming the murky surface with a soft, warm light. It was a breathtaking sight, and it made Lucifer pale entirely. Because now he knew what was happening.

And he hated it.

“Look, Alastor, I’m not going to lie. You're the worst. Your breath stinks like a rotting carcass. Every time you open your mouth all I hear is claws on a chalkboard. And Father forbid you get a few centuries of beauty sleep because wow you need a serious makeover.”

“Is there a point to all this, or are you asking me to push you into the swamp water? At this rate I’m inclined to choose the latter.”

“The point is! The point. Is. I can't ruin something like this. This bayou is precious to you. Louisiana is precious to you.”

“Oh, please. Have you forgotten who I am? I made this place, I could easily undo whatever meager scratches you cause.“

“But that’s—”

"Regardless, your creative powers leak through whether you like it or not. You might as well release it in a space that won't harm the hotel."

“I don’t– hehhh!”

“And no, you will not get stuck in your condition by 'letting yourself go.'” Alastor stressed, pinching the space between his eyes. “If I may speak freely Sire– this is ridiculous. You’re exhausted and ill beyond belief, and if you suppress one more magic-infested sneeze I will tie your hands to the ground myself. For God’s sake, the cure to your condition eluded me until you accidentally let the damn thing slip at dinner! So what, pray tell, is so beneath the King of Hell?"

”H-heh-aht’chhhh! I'm—ht’chnx!“

“Is the transformation painful?”

“N-nuhh– no– Aht’CHSHH!”

”Does it drive you mad beyond all belief?”

“No!” Lucifer wheezed out, “Focus! I’m trying to tell you thahhh…that…sonofahhhHATSCHH-‘TCH–’TSCHH’hhiew!”

But Alastor was not focused on his disjointed, half-assed reasoning. Nor the painful failures to bury his fit through the whistle of little fireworks that followed. No, Alastor was focused on the sight that briefly flickered behind his patient. It was for only a second-- a blink and anyone would miss it-- but it was there. There, and massive. And judging by the way Lucifer suddenly froze, he'd known the same. His stare fell to his feet, pulling back his collar to reveal a fracture in his porcelain skin. Holy light pierced through the growing cracks, and Alastor found himself squinting curiously at the sight– as if the true puppeteer of such a tiny doll didn’t satisfy the hunger enough.

“Ugh, forget it! You wihh…win…‘Etchhh!”

“Good.”

“Grea– snff!-- great!”

“A pleasure doing business with you.”

A pause.

“Well?”

“I, uh. I can't do it if you're watching.”

“Oh for God’s sake.”

“Look, do you want me to take this shit off or not?!” Lucifer spat, flames spouting from his lips.

"Phrasing, Your Majesty." Alastor sighed, begrudgingly turning his back. “Better?”

乃𝒆ţt𝐄𝓇.

The sinner nearly jumped in place. It was certainly a voice that rang out— or something along those lines. More of a chorus of pitches and concepts of tone. And yet they harmonized as one.

Ť𝑒𝔰丅ιℕ𝔾, Ｔεsting!  Well. At least the idiot’s mind remains intact. It would cause quite a scene if he had to drag the drama king kicking and screaming from another plane of existence. Whew! Okay, you can look now. But take it slow because hoo boy it is a  l o t. 

The Radio Demon decided to go as slowly as he pleased– with all the caution of a bull in a china shop. And all too quickly he chastised himself, holding a hand to his temple. Maybe, just maybe, the seraphim’s warning was not unfounded.

Though the pocket of home was designed to be near endless, his mind couldn't conceive the number of wings that crossed the metaphysical. They were still somehow boxed into such a wide universe, glancing around with eyes that decorated each feather like adorned jewels. Or so the sinner presumed before the memory continued to fade for another. In fact, the only tangible features he could possibly grasp at the moment were flowing robes and two small wings that wrapped around a near-featureless head like a blindfold. 

And yet the being could see perfectly, thin lips pulled into a frown, staring with-- ah. Alastor was just adjusting, but he could certainly recognize the overwhelming anxiety. The least surprising part that he did expect, of course, was his size. He didn't just crane over Alastor. He towered over him-- a far cry from the false shell he wore. Somehow, Alastor stuffed down a pang of petty anger that threatened to overtake him.

He'll lecture the idiot on giving him a proper fight later. 

Alastor? Are you alright? The ground trembled ever-so-slightly as the Saint slowly, carefully lowered himself. 

"I'm offended that you’d even ask." The caretaker took a small step back before hopping up on a folded knee, giving it a sympathetic pat-- earning an embarrassed flush that overtook fever.

Oh, thank goodness. I almost-- I... The wings around them flared, puffing at each desperate buildup. Quickly Lucifer drew a wavering finger in a circle to create a portal, grabbing a familiar crimson fabric before pitching into it. "ATSHHHHEWW! AHDT’SCHHHHEEWW! HATSCHHHHHIIEEEWW!"

Each shiver of ivory skin sent shockwaves through the flora below– and from above sent Alastor hurtling towards the reeds.

Shit, I-I can’t see you! Did you fall? Are you okay? Lucifer squeaked, infinite irises darting.

"Okay is certainly an overstatement, Sire. You nearly ruined my coat!" An offended huff brushed the seraphim’s ever-shaping ear and, once again, The Radio Demon was meticulously scanned. Paying no mind to the sudden attention in the shadowy nook of his patient’s shoulder, playing with a tuft of shimmering plumage.

Sorry! Don't know m'own strength. Lucifer’s large body hunched in on itself in shame, quickly pressing the makeshift tissue to the space where his nose should be– now golden-tipped with irritation– desperate not to sniffle too strongly.

"Is that my blanket." Alastor's smile sharpened.

I panicked okay?!

All too suddenly the complaints stopped. Time for the saint came to a standstill, and Alastor was barely able to wonder if that was a very literal metaphor before the cotton-knit carpet beneath him hiked up again. He quickly pinned himself to Lucifer’s neck, bracing for–

“ETCHH’CHHHHHF!” He doubled over again. S-sorry, sorry! I can’t help it! I’m trying to hold back but I cahh– can’t–huh-hgf! “ATSHH’HHHHHF! HUH’ATTKSHHHEWWWW!” Rrrgh, forget it! You should go be-before– hhhHHH!

Panicking, a multitude of palms weaved into being. Desperate to stifle again, quick to suffocate–

“Oh, please.” 

Black tentacles wrapped around countless wrists and yanked, pinning them and the seraphim to the ground. He cracked open a watery eye, strikingly bright with anger as he watched Alastor hop up on his cheek. When I break– “Snff!” –break free I swear I’ll–!

“Do what, might I ask? You’ve threatened my life a million times, what’s one more?” The Radio Demon teased, focusing on keeping his patient's poor, abused nose in his reality. He pointed his cane, lightly scratching along the rims of the nostrils as he spoke. “Poor, poor Lucifer Morningstar. Despite your constant objections, you’ve served Hell for so long. Haven’t you ever wondered what it’s like to bow to someone else’s power? Especially to such a lowly sinner like me?”

Ahhh— Alasto–or!

“So tell me, oh great and benevolent fallen saint, why should I stop now? It seems quite like a fair trade to me! I get to boss around one of the most powerful beings in existence, creator of light and the illumination of free will. And you, my dear, get to take a sick day.” And with that, he poked the very end of the tip. “Effective immediately.”

“GEHH’AHTSHHHH’HUUE! ATSHHHH! HAT’KSHHHHUUE! H-HAH-AHHH–! ETCH’TCHHHH’FFF!” The bayou rocked with thrashing waves and unearthed roots. For a moment the sky flashed to dawn, then dusk, before resuming its starry night. Wind whipped through Alastor’s hair followed by a gust of debris and dirt. A few raspy, heavy breaths and the chaos slowed to a stop. He peeked open one eye, then another. Finding himself safe in the eye of the storm, cradled in a soft flurry of wings pressed to the seraphim’s chest. 

Mnnn…bless m’be. Lucifer bit back a heavy sigh before he could cause anymore damage, shaking aside his chains before scooping Alastor up. Small scarlet eyes met large, weepy ones– blindfolds making way for a sea of silver and gold. And yet Alastor swore he could see constellations underneath their elegant surface.

“Well, that wasn’t so hard now was it?”

Thadd was cruel. The other whined. He flicked a wrist between congested sniffles, lacing a cotton cloth into existence. Obdnogxiously true. But still. Fugk you.

“Have you ever known me to be kind?” The sinner tilted his head curiously, ignoring a noseblow that bent the few trunks that remained, branches laying bare at their feet. “Honestly, it’s like you’re afraid of hurting–”

Every fibre in Lucifer’s existence tensed. In that moment, The Radio Demon was suddenly very aware of what the problem was from the beginning. And it was hilarious.

“Y-you! You–” He wheezed between a laughing fit, leaning on the base of a pointer for support, “You? You’re scared I’ll get hurt by you?! Hah! I’ve always taken you for a king, but a jester? Bravo, Sire! I haven't seen such a marvelous performance since the Iroquois Theatre Fire of 1903!” 

A gleam of moonlight brushed his vision. His giggling died down to find a crystal clear orb floating in the air. Another dancing around them. And another. All mingling with the night sky to reflect an aurora of colors. The eyes that had once remained hidden came into view, leaking droplets that never quite touched the earth.

And oh, Alastor realized. He’s crying. His ears wilted against his will, and adjusted himself accordingly to remedy the error. “I must admit, I never suspected an ancient being such as yourself was capable of fear.”

Of course I’m afraid! Lucifer curled into a tight ball, clouds slicing into ribbons as he brought all wings in on himself. Leaving Alastor stunned and alone, perched outside on a slightly shaky arm. Do you know how hard it was to show you this disgusting side of myself?

“Lucifer.” Alastor scolded back at the self-loathing a little too kindly for his liking.

Oh, don’t you Lucifer me! Sinners don't exactly like being reminded of Heaven. Especially the design of God's right hand. I must be a nightmare to you!

“And?”

A wing cracked open, thousands of surprised gazes peering back. Pardon?

“How does that apply to us?” Alastor arched an eyebrow. The fallen angel blinked, pearly tears unsticking from his crystalline lashes. A flustered heat rose to the wavering spots on his cheeks.

Alastor, I am literally Hell’s version of an atomic bomb.

“Mhm.”

I could kill you if I looked too hard. You could turn to ashes.

“Sounds exciting.”

Alastor!

“What was it you said just a second ago? ‘Don’t you Alastor me’? Honestly! I find it insulting that you would even question my strength, nor allow me the benefit of the doubt. Everything I’ve done up to this point, and further still, is by my design. If you ever hurt me, rest assured that I already knew the risks a thousand times over. Besides, recovering alone is incredibly unproductive. Take it from…my own personal experience.” Sharp claws tapped against the middle of his cane, “And besides, what would dear Charlie say if she saw you in such a state? Alone and helpless, losing control of his body? Poor thing would be worried out of her mind.”

…And you? Lucifer asked hopefully, the barrier between them cracking open a little more. Just a little more.

Alastor rocked on the back of his heels, bracing himself. “I suppose so.”

Finally the curtain parted, and Lucifer raised his hand to greet the other, leaning close with a soft, ethereal smile. Thank you I really–...r-really…

The telltale sign of a twitching nose. A hand rose to his face like clockwork. His caretaker opened his mouth to protest. But before he could, it moved instead to cup Alastor in a tight-knit shelter.

“HEH’ISHHHHUHHH! ISHHH’HUUUE! HH-HGHH-HUT’TTCHUUUE! ”

His wings snapped open at the force of every outburst, tree roots ripped from their homes and marigolds snapped at the stems. A billowing fog that spilled out turned from fire to dust and back, reshaping itself again and again until it settled on a light rain, creating puddles on the ground. And when twilight finally crept back into Alastor’s vision, Lucifer was sniffling thickly– unrestrained. Relaxed. Devoid of any concern or self-pity.

Briefly, Alastor wondered if this is how it felt to fly.

I cadd’t use your bladket, right? Do– “Snrfff!” Ugh, do we have more? He smiled sheepishly, holding up the sad pile of ash that once resembled a tissue.

“Pauvre ti bête! That sounded awful. I’ll see what I can do for your fever and nose.” Alastor hummed, signaling a small lift to press a kiss to his cheek. “And thank you for trusting me.”

[makeitmingi]

Cause Baby You're My Muse [Chapter 21]

Genre: Romance, Idol!AU, Music, Slight angst

Pairing: Mingi x Reader (y/n)

Characters: Producer!Reader, IdolLyricist!Mingi, IdolProducer!Hongjoong, Idol!Seonghwa, Idol!Yunho, Idol!Wooyoung, Idol!San, Idol!Yeosang, Idol!Jongho, cameo(s) by other celebrities

Summary: You always preferred producing underground, having an unknown face and governed by your own rules. But when you start freelancing for idol groups, you say goodbye to your lone wolf lifestyle as you learn to work with idol producers and lyricists.

Word count: 3.2K

Although you were so swarmed with work and haven't got time to sit down and speak with Mingi, you were still glad when he would show up to spend the night with you. You appreciated having him around you to comfort you.

He also assured you that with the both of you busy working on music production, you didn't need to pressure yourself to talk. Like you, he just wanted your comfort.

"Thanks for getting take out." You smiled tiredly, fresh from the shower. Mingi saw you and waddled over to you.

"It's the least I can do, seeing you work so much." He said as he engulfed you into a hug.

"You're working hard too..." You yawned, voluntarily leaning into him.

"I'm glad to be back at the studio though. At least you can come over without me worrying about Hongjoong showing up at my door to work." You smiled softly.

"Mhmm." Mingi stroked your cheek, bending down to give you a sweet kiss. You sat on your bed, fiddling with your phone while Mingi placed his head in your lap comfortably. There was a slightly frown on your face as you focused on what you were reading or watching on the screen.

"You're frowning too much." Mingi lifted his hand to poke the space between your eyebrows, making you relax instantly.

"Sorry." You sighed.

"Mm-mm, don't apologise." Mingi shook his head with a kind smile. You felt your cheeks heat up at the way Mingi was smiling at you, making you look away.

"Are you worried?" You asked, putting your phone aside to look at him, opting to play with his fingers than the device.

"Worried about Hongjoong hyung? No. Worried about KQ? No. Worried about the fans... A little. I'm more worried for your safety than anything else." Mingi kissed the palm on your hand.

"I'll just disappear underground if I have to. I've done a good job of hiding despite my line of work." You shrugged, trying to lighten the conversation.

"But I don't want you to disappear." Mingi stated with a small frown. You couldn't help but laugh, now it was your turn to poke his frown. He relaxed into a smile at your playfulness. You fell backward to lie down, letting out a groan.

"Are you worried?" Mingi asked back.

"About myself? No. About you and possibly, Haneul? Yes." You cast your eyes over him.

"I'll never let anything happen to Haneul. And you." Mingi assured. He knew that Haneul meant the world to you but it was just thinking ahead now.

"Can I ask, why did you decide to take care of Haneul? You know, despite your young age and everything." Mingi asked. You froze at his question. Were you really ready to be so vulnerable around him?

"Y-You don't have to if you don't want to!" Mingi quickly added after he noticed your defensive posture.

"It's okay... Well, my aunt and uncle weren't exactly the best parents too, like mine. They didn't plan to have a child actually so Haneul wasn't wanted from the start." You explained.

"They wanted to terminate the pregnancy but my grandmother convinced them not to. You know, just on the off chance that they might grow fond of the baby. But when she was born, they wanted to give her up for adoption. I guess the love or fondness never festered." You shrugged.

"But I thought Haneul was beautiful. She didn't deserve knowing that she wasn't wanted from the start. I just bonded with her ever since."

"Your parents were okay with you having a baby around?" Mingi tilted his head.

"They never knew. Or maybe they never bothered to know. I found the orphanage Haneul was given to and had the arrangement with the ahjumma there. As long as I paid, Haneul was safe." You replied.

"It must not have been easy doing it all on your own. Especially since you were just starting out." Mingi held your hand.

"It wasn't a walk in the park. I moved out when I could, got a small apartment. Every other cent I made went to Haneul, to feed and clothe her."

"But every time I see Haneul, I don't regret it. She's an amazing child, she's my world." You smiled softly.

"I'm selfish, aren't I?" You looked up at Mingi with tears brimming in your eyes. Mingi's eyes widened at your sudden statement. He had so many thoughts about your story but you being selfish didn't even cross his mind.

"Why would you say that?" He asked, reaching up to wipe your fallen tears.

"Haneul could be living lavishly now. With two parents and maybe even siblings. Yet, I'm the reason that isn't happening." You smiled bitterly through your tears.

"I know that having her here with me means that she would have to grow up alone most of the time. And I can't do that to her, having her grow up like me, coming home to an empty house."

"But for some reason, I can't let her go. I'd rather live with the guilt than to let her go." You cried.

"Indigo..." Mingi pulled you to him, letting you sob into his chest.

"You're not selfish. Far from. You've sacrificed so much to give Haneul the best. And Haneul is such a great kid thanks to you." He hushed you, stroking his head to comfort you.

"Having Haneul around taught me to care for others. How to live for someone." You whispered. Mingi's heart broke as you continued talking and crying. Outside, you were cool and collected but it was just a facade, it was the way you protected your vulnerable self. And now, you were slowly letting your guard down around him.

"Shh..." Mingi could only hold you and listen. He never once made a remark or reaction that made you feel embarrassed.

"I started underground because I wasn't old enough to work, no one would want to work with a 14 year old girl that had no experience. But producing became the push I needed." You said.

"With my music, I wanted to be something. Then I met Hyuk and he helped me grow. He taught me what I know and refined my skills." You continued.

"You were so young..." Mingi stroked your head.

"So I've been plagiarised, taken advantage of, everything. The music industry is cruel, especially if you're a nobody." You sighed.

"But through it all, you've made it. And it's all thanks to your own effort and hardwork. You've come so far, I'm proud of you." Mingi kissed your forehead. Your heart grew warm and fuzzy at Mingi's words, your inner child felt healed.

"Thank you. No one has ever told me that before." You confessed. Mingi stroked your cheek with a soft smile.

Now he understood why you hid your name and your face. It was another way you protected yourself after you've been hurt. And now that you were a known name, you wanted to protect that even more.

"Wow. I need to stop crying or I'm going to be puffed tomorrow." You went to the bathroom to wash your face.

"Will you be at the studio tomorrow?" You asked from the bathroom.

"I have a dance class at 1 but that's at an external studio. I have PT at 5." Mingi read out.

"We can sleep in then. I told Eden I'm taking the first half of the day off. Last night's all nighter gave me a splitting headache the entire day today, I barely got anything done." You sighed.

"While I'm glad you're taking a small break tomorrow, you shouldn't be pulling all nighters anymore. It's not good for you." Mingi sat up, being the one to hover over you now. He had a worried look on his face which you thought was cute. Luckily he was at a height where you could wrap your arms around his neck.

"You okay?" Mingi asked, his hands coming to rest on your hips as he gladly let you hug him, his head resting on your chest. Of course, he was careful not to rest his entire weight on you.

"I don't know... I just know I want to hug you." You confessed. Luckily he couldn't see your embarrassed and flustered expression now.

"Hug me all you want." Mingi chuckled.

That's how you and Mingi fell asleep and stay asleep until morning. With Mingi around, you didn't feel the need to always be working, to just take the time to relax.

"Would you prefer to eat out sometimes?" Mingi asked as he sat opposite you for breakfast.

"Actually, it doesn't bother me. I'm always an indoor person anyway. Why? Do you want to go out for a meal?" You tilted your head.

"I'm a slow eater so eating at home is less stressful. I just thought it would be nice to take you out on a date..." Mingi confessed. You choked, realising how you didn't even realise his intention.

"Sure, Mings. But I don't need to go out to fancy dinners to have a nice time." You smiled.

After breakfast, you went to your studio to quickly reply to some emails while Mingi did the dishes. You and him had that plan, one person cooks while the other person will do the dishes after. When Mingi was done, he crept into your studio.

"You're supposed to be resting." Mingi covered your eyes with his hands. He looked over the top of your head to see that you were looking over some documents

"What's all these?" He let go of you to take a closer look.

"I've been so busy I forgot to sign the contracts and working agreements for some other collaborations I'm doing." You informed.

"Wow, these are some big name companies and artists." Mingi said in awe, eyes briefly glancing through. You hummed, not really feeling the weight of the fame and reputation for these people.

"So what's this stack?" Mingi pointed.

"That's the people I rejected working with or decided not to work with because of different reasons." You explained.

"May I?" He asked. You nodded, too focused on reading the conditions of the contract right in front of you. Mingi's eyes widened at some of the things that he read but he did hide the rest of his shock well, clearing his throat and just putting the papers back into a neat stack.

"Can we not work for a while? I have to leave in an hour." Mingi requested, putting his hand over yours to stop you from writing. You snorted in laughter.

"Have any of the members asked where you disappear off to for the whole night?" You raised an eyebrow.

"I have my own room so they never really know when I'm in or not. Plus, I stay at the studio overnight most of the time." Mingi said.

"Oh, that's true." You nodded. You did put your papers away to spend time with Mingi before he had to leave and you needed to be at the studio. You sat on the couch, tucked under his arm.

"You should watch the Wanteez episodes. They're hilarious." You slapped his thigh.

"They're embarrassing." Mingi mumbled.

Soon, Mingi had to leave. You walked him to the door and he wore his shoes. He leaned against the door frame, looking down at you with an endearing smile on his face. You blinked as you stared back up at him. He leaned down to give you a kiss.

"Have a nice day." He stroked your head. You nodded, wrapped your arms around his waist, pressing your ear to his chest. You felt him press his cheek to the top of your head.

"I'll see you later?" You mumbled. He hummed in reply as he pulled away to leave your place.

After that, you got ready to leave the house. You wore your mask before getting onto the bus to go to KQ.

"Hi, Joong. Did you wait long?" You asked as you stepped out of the lift. Hongjoong looked up from his phone and shook his head with a small smile.

"Let's go." You took the lead in walking to your studio. You and Hongjoong have been working together almost every day.

"I worked on the beats I was showing you yesterday if don't mind helping me review it?" He asked as he walked into the studio behind you. You nodded your head and proceeded to turn on your system, plugging your laptop in. Hongjoong now even had a more comfortable chair in your studio.

"Thanks again for helping me with producing." Hongjoong rubbed the back of his neck.

"Why are you suddenly acting like that/ You're already a great producer, Joong. There's nothing to help you with honestly." You laughed, slapping his shoulder.

"Yah, you can't hit your elders." Hongjoong feigned anger.

"Have you decided what songs to propose to the company yet?" He asked when he saw all your folders.

"Kind of? I still have changes and edits to be made before I decide for sure." You scratched your head. You have been deciding what songs would fit the concept the best.

"Mingi said he might submit some tracks too since he has been writing more lyrics and going to the studio. Has he told you?" Hongjoong asked. He missed the way you stiffened slightly at the mention of Mingi.

"I've not worked with him as much on producing but I'm glad he was able to start writing his lyrics again." You kept you eyes on the screen.

"Maybe you can help him? Mingi isn't very confident in his producing skills." Hongjoong suggested. You shrugged, if Mingi needed help or advice, he would have asked you.

"Anyway, which track did you want me to review again?" You changed the subject.

"This one." Hongjoong scrolled to the folder on his laptop. You didn't know why you felt slightly awkward talking about Mingi to Hongjoong.

"I mixed the raw piano." He explained as you listened.

"Mmm... Sounds good..." You nodded, bobbing your head and tapping your fingers against the desk.

After going through some tracks and working on them, you and Hongjoong decided to order in some food for a mid day snack. According to Hongjoong, you 'made the mistake' of telling the boys and inviting them if they were around. Because that meant that you invited chaos.

"Why did you invite them...?" Hongjoong groaned, shaking you with his hands on your shoulders. Just as he said that, there were knocks on your door.

"Don't let them in. They'll go away if you ignore them." Hongjoong said. You laughed and removed his hands from you.

"We know you're in there!" Wooyoung yelled. Then there was the spamming of the door bell.

"You..." Hongjoong gave you the stink eye while you shrugged and went to get the door. Just like a bunch of excited puppies, you were tackled the moment you opened the door.

"Oof!" You fell back from the sheer force.

"BOYS!" Hongjoong yelled in shock, immediately rushing you and bending down to help you.

"You okay?" He asked. You nodded as he helped you stand back up, shooting the boys a disapproving glare. Luckily your floor was carpeted to kind of cushion your fall. Seonghwa shook his head, sparing the blame since he didn't rush in.

"Sorry, Indigo. Are you okay?" Wooyoung held your hands, turning you around to check for some sort of physical damage on you. San did the same.

"I'm fine. It's okay." You assured.

"Boys, I told you to be careful. Not everyone can take your strength, especially multiple of you." Hongjoong lectured.

"Are you sure you're not hurt?" Seonghwa asked softly with a tilt of his head.

"I'm really okay, omma. The carpet cushioned my fall." You giggled as Seonghwa wrapped his arm around you. It was apparent that you had become of the favourite child of the parent duo.

"You're like that friend that comes in and acts like an angel to be the parents' favourite." Jongho said with amusement.

"They've practically adopted me because I'm such a perfect child, you know?" You scoffed with a hair flip. Seonghwa and Hongjoong rolled their eyes.

"Perfect child? You're a child that we constantly have to worry about. Worry if you're eating, sleeping and not working all the time. I already have to worry about someone being sleep deprived and that's Hongjoong." Seonghwa clicked his tongue, making you pout. But the others found joy in this, sticking their tongues out at you.

"Then in my defense, I would like to say that I take after my father in that workaholic behaviour." You pointed at Hongjoong.

"Don't drag me into this." He glared.

"Everyone grab a seat. Help yourself to any drinks in the fridge." You instructed while you all were waiting for the food to arrive. You finished up whatever you were doing with Hongjoong previously.

"I'll save our progress." You looked up at him. Hongjoong looked at what you were referring to and nodded.

"You two. Stop working already." Yeosang shouted from his spot. Mingi and Yunho were the only ones not around, still at their external dance class.

"The delivery guy is downstairs." Hongjoong said, checking his phone. Jongho went with him downstairs to pick up the food.

"Come here. I haven't seen you in so long since you've been cooped up here." Wooyoung pulled you onto his lap, squishing you and burying his face into your back. You squealed in laughter from how ticklish you were.

"Food's here!" Hongjoong and Jongho came in with the food. You stood up to help take the boxes out of the plastic bags and give out the cutlery.

"Thank you for the food, Joong/ captain/ appa!" Everyone chimed before digging in.

"Sit here." Seonghwa pointed to the space beside him. You pulled your work chair to sit between him and Hongjoong.

"This was the afternoon snack we needed." San laughed.

"You guys weren't even supposed to be invited." Hongjoong huffed in a disgruntled away. You laughed, taking a bite of your chicken. Seonghwa took a napkin to wipe the edge of your mouth.

"Is Mingi hyung at his studio?" Jongho asked.

"Nope. He's at an external dance class with Yunho." You replied instinctively. That was when you felt eyes on you.

"How do you know?" Wooyoung tilted his head. You remained cool on the outside but on the inside, you were cursing yourself for replying too quickly.

"He told me when we were talking about the progress on his lyric writing. Besides, I always know all your schedules." You played it off cool with a scoff. The boys shrugged before nodding in agreement. Thank goodness they bought it. Honestly, it was normal for you to know their schedules, especially Mingi and Hongjoong.

"Indigo! Will you work on me for my next cover?" San suddenly asked with a big excited smile.

"Sure." You nodded, making him fist pump. Even if your schedule was undetermined and just filled with projects, you would gladly make time to work with San or any of them.

"How's Haneul?" Jongho asked. It warmed your heart knowing that he was thinking about her.

"She's doing well. She's been asking me when she can see you all again. I think she's more excited to see you guys than me." You chuckled.

"Let's go to the aquarium next time!" Wooyoung suggested and everyone cheered.

"Somehow, I feel like the hyungs are more excited than Haneul will be..." Jongho shook his head as he facepalmed.

~

Series Masterlist

[observeowl]

Unwanted Marriage | Chapter 8 - Time to strike back

Series Masterlist

"Y/N, you haven't fully recovered yet, why were you discharged from the hospital so fast? I think you should just resign, you are the wife of Natasha Romanoff, you should not be bullied by others." Brooke commented as everyone was in your room, trying to care for you. "It's okay, Brooke. It's not a big deal. You go ahead with what you're doing, I'm fine." You have a forced smile to please her.

"Tell me, what actually happened today?" You told her from the beginning without leaving anything out. "That was it, Don't worry, Sharon took my pictures, as long as I can take back the pictures, they can't deny it. You don't need to worry about this. I will handle it." She sighed but nodded her head.

"Y/N..." She reached closer to you. "As I've said, we are partners. I can protect you and remove every stumbling block that is in your path."

"Natasha, I, Y/N Y/L/N, won't simply be humiliated by others. I can handle it myself. Only in this way am I qualified to be called Mrs Romanoff."

"The doctor said that you still need to apply medicine on the bruises on your body. Let me apply it for you." You were going to refuse, until you saw Natasha's resolve. You weren't used to being affectionate with Natasha, but you let her anyway. This was the most intimate you have been with Natasha, awake. You lifted your shirt and allowed her to put the ointment on your bruise where Sharon kicked. You sensed that Natasha had more to say, but keeps changing her mind as you hear her sigh each time. "Be more careful. I'm not with you all the time."

===

When you were all better and Natasha finally allowed you to leave the house, you went back to work.

"How weird, why is she still not here?" Wanda mumbled as she spied the entrance. "Wanda, what are you doing?" Millicent hit her head with a file she was holding. "N-nothing."

"Did you see Sharon? I have something to talk to her about." She asked. Wanda shook her head. "Weird, I've never seen her being late for so long. Maybe something happened?"

"What can possibly happen? Perhaps she is feeling guilty and is hiding from something she's done."

"You're always thinking about nonsense like this. Go and do your work."

In the breakroom, you were refilling your water when you finally saw Sharon. Seeing how dishevelled she was, you knew she was coming for you and shifted your cup to get hot water. "Sharon, what happened to you? Why do you look so dishevelled?"

"Bitch, how dare you?!" She tried to slap you but you caught her hand before she was able to do so. "Sharon, why are you so angry? Did I do something wrong?"

"Stop pretending! You are behind what happened this morning, right? You actually did what I had done to you back on me? Are you tired of living?"

"Sharon, what are you talking about? What did you do to me?" You asked, but she remained silent. She was unable, could not admit what she did to you here in public. "Even you yourself can't say it out loud. You must be mistaken so you came to me. Though work is important, I advise you to go home and sober up first before coming back to work."

She pulled your arm, causing your cup filled with warm water to splash on her. "Ah! You bitch! You scalded me!"

"I'm so sorry, Sharon. Why did you pull me out of the blue? I wasn't paying attention."

"Get lost." She pushed you and you made a dramatic fall. "Sharon, you're too much. You're an editor. I'm only a junior staff member. You're targeting me for no reason. I can only stay away but you still want to pull me. I accidentally poured warm water on you. And I wanted to help you wipe it."

"I saw it just now. It was Sharon who didn't want to let her go." // "That water wasn't even hot right? Just look at her, so dramatic!" The breakroom wasn't empty and there were whispers coming from other staff members.

"Sharon..." You stood up from the floor. "I felt that your forehead was a bit hot just now, do you need to go to the hospital? If not, it will be bad if you burn your brain." You turned her body and directed her out with you.

"Y/N Y/L/N! I definitely won't let you off!"

"Very well," You leaned closer to her ear. "You can go back and tell Stephanie that if she truly wants to find trouble, don't blame me for being rude." You sent her off before walking back to your table.

"Y/N... you are indeed my idol..." Wanda cheered. "I only returned what she taught me. Isn't Natasha your idol?" You teased. "Can't I have more than one?

"Y/N Y/L/N, you have an express delivery. Please sign for it." The receptionist called for you. "99 roses are really heavy. My arms are broken after carrying them here." You thanked her before signing the papers.

"Why did he send you flowers?" Wanda asked after realising it was Marcus who sent you the roses. "Is it not enough for you to be misunderstood? He just won't give up." You told Wanda to go do her work, there was nothing much for her to see here.

Not long after, you see Marcus's contact on your phone, ringing.

M: Y-Y/N! That's great, I didn't think you'll answer!"

You: What's the matter?

M: I want to treat you to a meal, is it okay? Don't worry, it won't take too much time. Doesn't your company want to interview me? As long as it is you, I will accept the interview at any time.

You: If I'm meeting you for work, I guess Stephanie won't get mad right?

M: She does not allow you to meet me?!

You: No, no!

M: Don't worry, Stephanie will not do anything to you, I will protect you!

You: Well, see you soon.

This was your chance to pay back what Stephanie did to you and you won't let it slip by. "Wanda, I'm meeting Mr Lancaster for an interview. When Mr Stark comes back, please let him know that Mrs Lancaster's interview is no longer needed." You told her as you packed your bag and took the flowers. "Do you want me to come along? Just in case his wife comes again, and you will be in trouble."

"Don't worry, everything will be alright."

Roses? Oh, Marcus, my favourite flower has always been magnolia.

===

Once again, Marcus was making sure he's looking suave, ensuring his hair looks right and his collar done properly as he waited for you to arrive.

"Ms Y/L/N, this way please." The waitress showed you to your room. "Y/N! You're here!"

You sat down at the table and the waiter poured you a glass of red. "Wasn't the interviewee changed to my sister? Why did you still call me?" You asked. "Stephanie accepted the interview?"

You took out some papers from your bag and placed it on the table. "You can take a look, the company has already arranged it for printing."

"I will accept your interview! Stephanie's interview is therefore invalid now, I don't need her to replace me." The waiter came back in to serve the dishes. "These are all your favourite dishes. I ordered them specifically for you."

"Thank you." You were sending a message on your phone, not really interested in the plates being placed on the table. "Brother-in-law, thank you for accepting this interview. Otherwise, they would think I was causing trouble to your company and fire me." It was time to put your plan into action.

"Did Stephanie do something to you?"

"How is it possible? My sister didn't do anything." You shook your head and smiled. "You're lying! The previous incident at the hotel was caused by her! Now she is pestering me obsessively like a crazy woman!" He said frustratedly.

"Brother-in-law, don't be like this." You tried to calm him down. "Y/N, don't call me brother-in-law. I have always been your Marcus, let's start over again, okay?" He reached across the table to hold your hands. "I can divorce Stephanie, and then I will take good care of you in the future. Let bygones be bygones, okay?"

Suddenly, there was a break in and Stephanie came rushing into the room. "Marcus! Y/N Y/L/N! You're shameless, how dare you seduce Marcus behind my back?!" She shouted at you and prompted Marcus to stand up from his seat and made sure she wasn't getting closer to you. "Stephanie, we are just doing the interview, don't make this a fuss! It's really shameful!"

"Shameful? Have you lost your mind!? Or do you like this shameless mistress?"

"Y/N, please go back first, this is my private matter, it's none of your business." Stephanie managed to break away from Marcus and stopped you. "Don't think of leaving here! Y/N, stop pretending! You dare say this was not sent by you?" It was a photo of Marcus smiling with papers in his hands. "What is it? Let me see..." You took her phone from her and swiped to the next picture and saw your photo where you were ambushed in the washroom.

"Sister... how come you have such pictures?" You acted shocked and looked at her. "What?"

"My colleague thought I stole her interview and humiliated me in the company. Why do you have the picture from that incident? Sister, don't tell me... You instructed Sharon Carter?" You acted as if you were disappointed in her as Marcus snatched the phone from her. "Marcus, I don't know what she's talking about, I have no idea of this picture."

"Stephanie! I never expected you would actually collaborate with Y/N's colleague to bully her! She is your sister!"

"Marcus! I really didn't do this kind of thing, you must believe me!" You can't lie that you didn't enjoy watching them quarrel. She held onto your shoulders and said, "You explain it to Marucs quickly, the photo has nothing to do with me!"

"How do I explain? The picture is on your phone. How does it have nothing to do with you?"

"Did you know that I almost died? Did you think that all my injuries and being hospitalised were fake?"

"Y/N Y/L/N, you bitch!" You acted as if you were hurt by her words and walked out from the room when in fact you were barely holding in your smile.

===

"This is roughly what happened this morning. So you can put your mind at ease now." You told Natasha what you had done to Stephanie during the day. "And about Sharon, thank you."

"Don't do such dangerous things next time."

Your phone rang and realised it was your father calling you. "Y/N, what have you done to Stephanie again? She just came back home and is threatening to end her life. I want you to come over immediately! Right now!"

"Let's go, I'll bring you to see something interesting." You said to Natasha. You didn't even wait for her reply and pushed her to the garage asking Clint to drive you to your house.

The moment you entered the house, you can hear Stephanie crying and your father was quick to ask what you have done to cause her to cry. "Na-natasha, you're here too? Good timing, you'll be the judge."

"Look at how Y/N has bullied her sister. If she had not met Marcus privately, Stephanie would not be like this!"

"Is it really because of me meeting Marcus that she became like this? She didn't tell you any other things?"

"What are you talking about? Y/N, you better make it clear!"

"What if I have evidence that she tried to get someone to make me lose my job, and even almost caused my death at the office's toilet? What would you do?" Natasha held your hand to give you a bit of emotional support.

"That... that is impossible!"

"Dad! It's Y/N, who bad mouthed me! Today, she sent me those pictures, so I was angry and went to find her, but Marcus kept protecting her!" Before you could open your mouth, she continued. "Don't try to slander me, I have evidence!" She showed the picture of Marcus smiling in the interview.

"Sister, why are you still trying to frame me? I didn't believe it when Marcus said you had asked people to check on him. Isn't this the evidence that you have engaged private investigators?" You asked.

"What?!"

"Natasha, it's..." Your father realised it was tough to defend Stephanie any longer when the evidence was against her and Marcus was not here to help. "I've looked into this matter. Y/N's colleague has admitted that it's Mrs Lancaster who instructed her. And because of that, Y/N was hospitalised for two days."

"Dad, they are trying to frame me! I didn't do anything!" She held his arm to pitifully plead her case. "Y/N.. it's Dad's fault that I mistook you."

"Stephanie is immature. Since you are all right now, shall we let bygones be bygones?"

"Just when you thought Stepahnie had been bullied, you couldn't wait to settle the score with me. But now when you know I was the one being bullied? All you're going to do is apologise on her behalf?"

"Dad, I am so sorry, I really have no intention to harm Y/N... I have no idea why that person sent me the photos, I only learned about it later on." She sure changed her story quickly when she realised there was nothing your father could do to protect her. "Since that is the case, then please go and apologise to Y/N nicely, make sure she forgives you."

"No need, after all we are a family."

"... right, right, we are one family."

"But Dad, I remembered you once told me that real siblings should settle their scores openly. So, even if are one family, I still have to ask when do you intend to return the 5 million dollars that you borrowed from Natasha?"

"5- 5 million?"

"Dad, don't feel that I am too realistic, since I am back, I might as well bring this up."

"Stephanie." Your father whispered. "I'm so sorry Y/N, I really realised my mistake, can you please forgive me?" Collecting the money was not your goal, you achieved what you came here for. "We are out for a long time and it's time to go back. Dad, please take care of your health."

"Oh oh yes, okay."

You wondered if you were too harsh and arrogant earlier. They are your family and probably shouldn't have acted in such a way. "To be my woman, you should at least have the boldness to do this kind of stuff. From now on, whoever bullies you, you have to get even, just like what you have done today!"

In the house, Stephanie was still trying to paint a fake picture with your father. "Dad, Y/N has previously been looking for Marcus on a few occasions. I already begged her to not destroy the relationship between us, but she, she!"

"Looks like I should have kept her with us..."

"Dad, what are you talking about?"

"Nothing, you have put all your thoughts on Marcus, please don't fight with him."

Series Masterlist

@natsxwife @franfineashell @dvrkhcld @reginassweetheart @marvelogic @autorasexy

[kwimii999]

Life update + Blog update

So, as my blog is becoming more inactive I do want to say that I do think I will be now posting just updates/download posts only. Maybe more just downloads at this point, until I choose to quit completly.

Why though ?

To be quite honest, I'm in fact someone who tends to want to distance myself away from social media since it can be draining on me. My life's already so stressful..... but ever since I started modding the game, It's been getting worse sadly.

" So you hate us.... ? "

Woah there no I don't ! What I hate is the pressure I put on myself for the sake of making content. I'm someone who prioritize my mental health and if I see that something's hindering it well, I remove it completly... 😣 even if I'm the one who created the storm. In other words, since I chose to start modding the game and sharing what I make, I'm also giving myself the option to soft quit or completly quit.

If that ever happens, you guys will know about it, since I will tell you guys. I'm not the type to delete my content so it'll always be there if it happens.

There's other things as well

College literally slapped tf outta me, jumped on me, slapped me again and punched me to make sure Im really dying. Even summer break is not helping.

I'm overwhelmed and it feels like I've been crawling for months now.

Actual live footage of me doing the last part of default face presets project :

The back of my mind keeps telling me (I want a break, I want a break, I want a break) and I've been ignoring it but I can't anymore because I'm physically starting to feel it. I feel fatigued almost everyday and It's just too much for me overall... and the pressure I put on myself to mod the game is actually not helping righ now as well so yeah...

+ On top of everything that goes on in my life, I cannot deal with it, nope.

About new mods coming out

So of course the things that I've promised are coming out (custom presets, default face presets) but the rest of the other future mods I'll just post them whenever they're done, so no more updates/polls (even though I genuinely liked doing them😓). The reason why I won't do updates or polls is because of the pressure, it makes me feel like I need to finish it like NOW NOW NOW QUICK QUICKKKKK. And since I know my issue very well, I'll get obsessed about finishing it and not stop until Im completly dying...... don't ask me why cause we'll both be looking at eachother like :

But yeah, that's all I've wanted to say :)

[euovennia]

Hi! I have an Oc who is Malaysian so her accent is very heavy. She doesn't have much knowledge about other languages, just English. Then I had an idea.

Could you do something about the reader being the nursing assistant at the base, who is a little shy and decided to learn German on her own just to have some conversation with König, since she always had a crush on him. She is always seen very distracted reading something but no one knows what she reads so much, since she takes care to cover all the German books she has so that no one suspects her sudden interest in the language.

Thank you in advance! 🥰

bless the anon who requested this, i loved writing this out!

warnings: two goofballs being shy bc they're so into each other, not proofread

You're startled by the sound of four incessant knocks bouncing off your door. Your hands grasp onto the old receipt from a grocery run you made just over a week ago that you'd been using as a bookmark and quickly shove it between the pages of your copy of German for the Intermediate. You promptly shut the paperback closed and stack a few files on top of it before getting up from your seat and opening the door to reveal the head nurse and your boss, Juliette. She walks into the small office she'd assigned you and takes a seat on the chair you'd finished sanitizing not too long ago causing you to let out a puff of air in faux annoyance.

"I just got done wiping that down, Jules."

She waves you off as you shut the door and take your seat back at your assigned desk, "I'll wipe it before I go, don't worry."

You cross your legs and give the clock a quick glance before returning your gaze to the woman sat before you, "Everything alright? You look tired."

She quirks a brow, "That your way of saying I look awful?"

Your quick to shake your head, "What? No, of course not! I was just asking because it's only eleven but you look ready to walk out on us."

She looks down at her pants and flicks off a speck of dust you can't even see before responding, "That's because I am."

You straighten out your posture as your interest is piqued, "And why's that?"

She diverts her attention from her pants so she can look at you, "I got word KorTac is on their way back from that mission in Belgium. They've got three GSW's, five knife wounds, and an apparent concussion all on that flight.."

Your brows raise as your stomach falls, "Do you know who has which injuries?"

She shakes her head, "No, but I've been told all wounds have been stabilized by the on board medics. I'm thinking we might just have to stitch them back together once they touch down. We'll see about that concussion once they land."

Your heart rate slows down just a tad as you let out a small sigh of relief, "Well at least that's something, no? Could be a lot worse."

She runs a tired hand through her hair, "I know, I just can't help but think of all the paperwork we'll have to work through cause of it though. Is that messed up?"

You ponder for a moment before answering, "No, I don't think so. We all hate paperwork, but you just so happen to get the majority of it."

"Sometimes I hate myself for accepting that damn promotion," She lets out a wistful sigh, "You think you can take some files off my hands by chance? I'll let you have a day off any day you want."

"No need to bribe me with a day off, Jules. You know I don't mind the extra paperwork," You say with a kind smile.

She lets out a small laugh, "Right, I forgot you actually like paperwork."

You shrug, "It's cathartic."

She eyes you for a few moments and opens her mouth to say something, but is stopped by the sound of her pocket pager going off. She grabs onto it and reads over it for a moment before looking up at you, "They're here."

You lean back in your seat as you release the pen from your cramping hand. Your eyes rake over the now small stack of folders sitting on your desk before drifting over to the digital watch resting on your wrist.

16:37

You remain leaned back in your chair staring at different points in your small office for longer than you care to admit before eventually settling your gaze on the book nestled underneath the growing stack of completed files. You reach forward and carefully pull it out before opening up to the page you were on before Juliette knocked at your door. You combed through the words of the pages, soaking up every bit of information you could.

Of course, until there was another knock on your door.

Holding in the small sigh that threatened to spill from your lips, you opened up a drawer in your desk and placed the book inside before shutting it and turning your focus back to the files on your desk, but not before calling out a quick, "Come in!"

You paid no mind to the door as it opened, only bothering to look up from the patient report you were slaving over when the person who had, presumably, walked in didn't say anything. Your eyes widened and your cheeks warmed upon seeing the object of your affections staring down at you with those gorgeous eyes of his. You could only hope you didn't look as love-struck as you felt.

"König," You greeted as you wring your hands together, "What can I do for you?"

His hands moved to pull up his long sleeve where his forearm guards once rested, a small frown coming to tug at the edge of your lips as you're met with a particularly nasty looking cut.

"Miss Young said you could stitch this up for me," He started as he seemed to shift his weight from one foot to another, "I'm sorry if it's a bother, you look busy."

You shut the file on your desk closed before standing up and walking over to the small cabinet filled with medical supplies as you motion for him to take a seat. You grab onto your disinfectant and suture kit before taking a seat in front of him as you speak, "It's not a bother at all, König. I've been working on those for a while now, this is a welcome distraction."

He gives a nod that you don't see, far too wrapped up in tending to his wound, but also a tad nervous that you'd somehow mess up if you dared to sneak a glance at those eyes that plagued your dreams. Still, you can't seem to hold back the question that's been bouncing around your mind for the past few hours.

"Where were you when the rest of KorTac came in?"

You can't see the way his cheeks tinge pink at the sound of your voice cutting through the otherwise silent room.

"I didn't think I was hurt so I went back to my room. I only realized when I stepped out of the shower not long ago."

You try not to think of him in the shower as you thread the needle, but you can't help but take notice of just how good he smells now that he's in such close proximity. You look down at the skin of his exposed forearm before muttering out a small, "Sorry for the pinch," Before reaching forward with steady hands and pinching the needle through his skin. The small hiss of pain from him aches your chest, but you're enamored by just how soft his skin feels against your fingertips.

You're quick to stitch up his wound, even as your mind and body are going haywire from the man sitting before you. You tie a knot into the thread and cut off the excess before looking up at him, "You can get someone to take them out after seven days, should be good as new."

He gulps, "Would it be possible for you to take them out?"

Your heart soars at the prospect of seeing him again, "If you'd like me to."

He nods, "I would."

You smile at him, "Then I'll see you in a week."

You watch as he leaves just a few moments after your short lived interaction. You quickly clean up the supplies you used before settling yourself back into your chair and taking a deep breath, but it doesn't do much to calm your frazzled nerves because you can still smell traces of his shampoo in the air.

The seven days pass by much slower than you'd anticipated, but it gives you more than enough time to move on from your copy of German for the Intermediate to your copy of German for the Advanced. Which, is what you're currently catching up on before your door flings open. You jolt in your seat as you toss the book to the corner of your desk haphazardly as your eyes fly over to the sudden intrusion where you see Juliette standing there with a sheepish smile on her face.

You let out a small sigh before running your hand over your face, "You scared me."

She takes a seat, "I'm sorry! I just wanted to ask if you were gonna cash in that day off any time soon."

You give her a playful eye roll as you speak, "You've been bugging me about this the entire week. I'm starting to think you don't like me."

She waves you off, "As if. You're easily the most competent person around here, I'd probably drown if you weren't around."

Your brows furrow in confusion, "Then why ask so much?"

She shrugs, "I don't know. I just figure most people would've cashed it in by now, you're making me think you like working just a little too much."

"I just don't see a need to have a day off, I like my job."

"But that's not the point! You rarely ever take a day off and you're always more than happy to come into work if I ever have to call you in. Everyone needs a break, even people who like their job, don't you think?"

You open your mouth to respond, but stop when you see König poke his head though the opening of the door that Juliette hadn't closed all the way, but upon seeing the two of you wrapped up in a conversation he seems to falter.

"I'm sorry, I can come back–"

Juliette stands up and opens the door for him before he can finish his sentence.

"No need, I was just asking a question and I got my answer. Feel free to take her," She says before moving past König with a kind smile.

You try not to get too giddy with the fact that Juliette showed herself out before König could scurry away from your office. You'd been eager to see him.

"Take a seat, I just need to grab some tweezers and a pair of scissors."

He nods before occupying the seat Juliette once had before you return with the aforementioned supplies. You sit before him much like you had a week ago and watch as he lifts up his black long sleeve once more. You lean forward to get a closer look, your heartrate picking up as the smell of his shampoo completely overrides your senses. Much like last week, you make quick work of undoing his stiches and discarding the supplies.

You look up at him with an almost shy smile, "Seems like you're all set now...Unless you needed something else?"

He seems to ponder over your words for few moments before giving a hesitant shake of his head, "No I...I think I'm okay."

You give him a small nod, "Okay then...I think you're good to go."

You watch as his shoulders fall slightly and you're so close to slamming your head against your desk. You've practically kicked him out of your office despite waiting for him to stop by all week. You watch with remorseful eyes as he gives a quick nod before standing up and walking over to your door. You're desperate for him to stay, even for just a few minutes longer so you blurt out, "Schönen Tag König."

You watch with nervous eyes as he whips his head around and looks at you, a glimmer of curiosity shining in his eyes.

"You...You know German?"

Your heart nearly bursts at how shy he sounds.

You gulp as you reach out for the book you tossed aside earlier with a shaky hand, "I've been practicing," You admit as you hand it over to him.

He opens up the book and he finds himself completely mesmerized by the amount of annotations and highlights decorating the pages. He runs a careful finger over your loopy handwriting as he soaks in this newfound knowledge before closing the book and looking over at you who is not sporting a blush on your cheeks, "Why did you want to learn?"

"For you," You quietly admit.

His body warms at your admission, "For me?"

You nod, "I know there's not really anyone else on base who speaks it and I," You let out a small breath to calm your racing heart, "I just thought you'd like to have someone to speak to in your mother tongue."

His lips stretch into a small smile as his eyes bounce between you and the book in his hands. You had just made this so much easier for him.

"Well...If you're tired of reading from a book, maybe I could help teach you?"

Your head snaps up at his words, "You'd do that?"

He nods as he tries to resist the urge to sweep you into his arms, "I always wanted to ask you to out, but I never had a good reason."

You stand up from your seat and walk over to him as you look up into his eyes, "You never needed a reason."

He lets out a shaky breath as he tries to process your close proximity, "I didn't want to make any assumptions," He supplies lamely.

Upon seeing his obvious hesitance, you can feel a surge of confidence bubble up inside you as you reach out for his hand and interlace your fingers, "I would've said yes no matter what."

He's so entranced he can barely think straight, "But your job...It keeps you busy, no?"

Your eyes sparkle, "I think I can manage to get a day off."

That's all he needs to hear.

[a-friendly-fangirl]

Random thoughts on We're in Love (or "Your average Italian girl has had an awful week and Boygenius' love saves her ass again"):

So, I've been listening to the Boys and to their solo stuff the whole week (for the past 5 months, to be honest... but who's counting?) and I've been going crazy lately for the beauty of We're in Love.

I think we can all acknowledge that that song is one of the greatest songs in "The Record" and one of the best ever written. And then I started bawling, when my mind got stuck on its lyrics and realised just how heartbreaking and beautiful it is.

This will be kind of my personal analysis (also inspired by some suggestions here and there... thank you to all the geniuses around that have noticed certain things. I wish I could write down all your names, but my memory is awful), so if you disagree with it or feel the need to add something, do it. I'd be happy to meet more Boygenius fans!

Ok, I'd like to begin with the third and fourth line of the first verse, where Lucy sings: "I don't need the symbol of a scar/ So put down the knife, we're not swapping blood". And yet, in "The film", Julien still takes a blood oath with the young versions of Lucy and Phoebe. I think that this was such an interesting choice to make, considering the difference between the words and the actions. This actually makes sense though, when underlining that 20$ is Julien's song and these words belong to Lucy.

Julien, as her solo albums readily witness, has no real problem with hurting herself ('Cause I'm so good at hurting myself - Brittle Boned) both physically and psychologically. We also know, from 20$, that she does believe in being connected to Phoebe and Lucy in every universe or life (In another life we were arsonists). Lucy does too with them (And I told you of your past lives; In the next one [life], will you find me? - We're in Love). Same goes for Phoebe, even though it's a little more subtle with her. In fact, more than believing in other lives, she seems to believe in changing herself in the present life, so much that, even though Emily I'm Sorry is her song, she has decided to sing it with her best friends, because, maybe, she'd rather be someone that can be loved by them in particular and not someone only Emily "could want".

To better understand the scar line/imagery, I think it important to notice that Julien doesn't take the blood oath with her adult friends but with their younger selves. In my opinion, it's like a machine has brought them in Julien's universe or timeline to help her get out of her home, which, listening to her music, is a synonym of recovery or at least of a better state of mind (in Go Home and Please Stay, it is quite clear: "I wanna go home, I'm sick", while in Graceland Too she finally gets out once she's feeling better). But, not belonging there (and we know they don't thanks to Julien's surprised expression when she sees little Phoebe), pehaps she's afraid that she'll lose them once they're done with the car, therefore asking them to do that oath. Childhood scars never fully leave us, so Julien might be convinced that it'll help adult Phoebe and Lucy to remember her, once they meet as intended or hoped.

When you think about it, the layers here are so many that it's scary. Scars have always at least a touch of negativity, even when you get them for something not negative per se (I have so many scars I got from running around as a child...), because they always follow pain. Julien and Phoebe have dealt with it their whole life and have actively put themselves through it more than once, so of course Julien chooses to use a knife (which also brings us back again to Please Stay: "The hunting knife you kept by your bed". I don't think the mention in We're in Love is a coincidence) against herself if it means being sure Phoebe and Lucy know it's her. But Lucy stops her for two main reasons:

Julien won't have to wait for them to find her, because she and Phoebe will, according to Lucy, be the ones going to her, if they want to (Will you find me?);

Instead of remembering each other through something painful, they could use the happy and positive memories they've shared in this life. Lucy once again wants to do everything in her power to dismantle her friends' self-destructive tendencies and replace them with something good (even the "happy" in Letter to an Old Poet was her suggestion).

Moving on to the next lines (Isn't it enough that we stripped down to our skin?/ Cold and porcelain like bathers in a painting), the beauty of this specific portrait delivered by Lucy kind of proves the point just made. Saying that the skin is "cold" and "porcelain" delivers a poetic image of extreme fragility that could be both literal or figurative and it shows just how much they trust each other. What Lucy appears to be pointing out is that she doesn't need any more pain to believe they're in love with each other, since they've already done the great sacrifice of showing themselves when they were most vulnerable (something they're still learning to do, according to recent interviews).

In Lucy's specific case (And I told you of your past lives, every man you've ever been/ It wasn't flattering, but you listened like it mattered), I'd go as far as to think that she did that by letting Phoebe and Julien listen to the stories of her past friendships or even relationships, telling them whom she had had by her side before them. She sings that that tale wasn't flattering: why? If I had to express myself on that, I'd guess, by her albums, that, just like any other human being, even Lucy has had a lot of troubled bonds with people she might have wrongly thought were as true and loyal to her as the Boys are now (take Strange Torpedo, Nonbeliever or Brando as examples). My personal take on this part is that she hasn't tried to tell Phoebe and Julien who they've been in the past, but to confess them who had had their roles in her life previously, feeling perhaps embarassed by it. But they're in no way bored or mad at her for that, listening, however, "like it mattered" (quoting True Blue: "It doesn't matter anymore", 'cause they're together now, but it is still important to her that they are paying attention to this part of her story).

She also admits being open to them about her own insecurities, especially the fear of being or seeming crazy (I feel crazy in ways I never say/ Will you still love me if it turns out I'm insane?/ I know what you'll say, but it helps to hear you say it anyway), making herself vulnerable by exposing this side of her she usually keeps hidden in hope of being reassured by them, which they've probably done a thousand times already.

Long story short, coming to the end of the first chorus: Lucy loves and values them for the trust they've put in each other and no scar will ever match that feeling. I have a lot more to say about the rest of the song, but this is mostly me ranting about it, so I'll see how it goes. Sorry for all of this :P

[godfrey-the-chaos-duck]

this just in: Irish loser is Sad™ because all my friends can go and do shit but not me apparently

Vent under the cut, I'm really sorry about this but I have to get it off my chest (it's nothing too serious but it is kinda long)

I'm eighteen. I've voted twice. I've finished secondary school. People my age are planning holidays and going to college and moving out and actually living life, and I feel like I'm falling behind so so much.

I don't have a bank account. I don't have a passport or any form of photo ID with a date of birth. I don't even have (or want!) a driver's licence, I will circle back to that later though.

My parents (particularly my mom) keep saying they'll help me get set up with all the above but because Mom's busy with work and Dad's really forgetful, it never gets done.

It's gotten to a point where I don't actually see a point in getting these things set up, for the following reasons:

I haven't had my name legally changed yet so everything would be set up under my deadname. Which. Fuck that.

For a bank account to make sense I would need money and I live in literally the textbook definition of "rural ass farming town" so the only jobs around that don't need experience are working in the supermarket or food service. I would, and I'm not exaggerating here, rather launch myself into a black hole than do those jobs because I've heard from my neurotypical peers how hard they are so I can only imagine how awful it would be for someone with autism like myself. My only other option is to try and get unemployment benefits but like. What would I even be spending the money on? Certainly not a house (the housing market in Ireland is literally impossible) and not a holiday either.

For a passport to make sense I would need to be able to travel, and quite aside from the No Money thing (see above) I've been fucked over by fate yet again because Mom doesn't trust me to go places on my own. She's only quite recently started letting me take the bus to a town half an hour away with friends. I don't even see the use in asking her to go on a train/plane/ferry unaccompanied because I know for a fact she'd say no. She'd say something along the lines of "we should do this together a few times first" which, understandable, but then she's so tired from work and busy with housework on the weekends that that never ends up coming to fruition. Add to that my crippling anxiety, catastrophic thinking and fear of the unknown, and I have basically conditioned myself into thinking I can never go anywhere more than a half hour's drive away without a parent.

I do not want to learn to drive. My dad keeps telling me I should because it would give me freedom, except no it wouldn't. It's not like I could use his car because he needs to go places too, and I could probably never afford my own car cause that shit is expensive as hell to run and maintain, so I really see no sense in learning. Also, I have the navigational skills of a teaspoon, so I would be basically guaranteed to get lost.

All of this has come to a point where I'm super hesitant to ask for anything because I know that either my parents will outright say no, or I'll end up chickening out because they'll remind me there's probably something I haven't thought of. (Mind, they don't often fully explain what)

And this was fine a few years ago when I had no friends and couldn't see how people actually lived their lives, but as my friends are all telling me about things they plan to do, I guess I'm having a lot of realisations.

The first time a classmate of mine said she was going on a holiday independently with some friends of hers, my first immediate thought was, "Do her parents just not care?" This would've been a little over two years ago, when I and all my class were around 16.

Now, though, I'm realising that teens going places on their own is actually NORMAL and that, big surprise, I'm once again the weird one. I told Mom about this and her response was "there's no right speed to do life at" which is right, you shouldn't do things if you don't feel ready to do them, but I don't know, something about this whole situation feels kinda wrong to me.

Here's the thing that's made me emotional today though.

The big Pride festival in Ireland is on June 29th. I wanted to go last year with my friends but Mom said no because it would be "too crowded" and "what if something goes wrong and I can't be there for you" and all that. And the worst part? She's right. It would have been very overwhelming.

Anyway this year, my friends aren't going, so even if by some miracle Mom's answer was going to change, I would feel awkward not being able to go with anyone I knew. So I'm not even gonna ask.

The way I see it, I can't move on with my life in any way as it stands. I can't release music, or publish books, or sign up to act in anything, until I get my name changed, because I do not want to be renowned under my deadname.

But I also feel like I can't change my name until I move out. My parents say they need to know where I am all the time, to the point where I once had an outing with a group of friends interrupted by a call from my father because I had left with the group from the coffee shop he'd dropped me off at, to a different shop somewhere else, two minutes' walk away.

I don't know. I feel like I have no freedom or independence and I'm genuinely unsure whether this is normal for people my age, or if it's an autism thing, or if my parents (again, particularly my mother) are being weird.

Basically what I'm wondering is

Is it healthy to be in this situation? And if not, how can I get out of it?

Again, I'm really really sorry about this, I know I don't usually get all personal on here but just. I feel weird about this and need some advice or at the very least a virtual shoulder to cry on

[violetjedisylveon]

It is Disability Pride Month!

I would suggest using the opportunity to learn more about all the different disabilities and how they impact the lives of people with them, and how that struggle is made worse by ablism in our society.

Take the chance to learn from actual disabled people, talk to us and hear our stories, listen to us when we tell you how to help us and make our society more functional and accessible.

Learn about disabled history, about the crimes and injustices done to disabled people. Look up disabilty holocaust and you will get a bunch of articles on what the nazis did to disabled people. It's depressing, but important to learn.

Disability isn't a bad word, it's an accurate description unlike calling someone differently abled. They aren't the same. Disability = not abled, like not able to walk because you are a leg amputee, not being able to do things like everyone else because you have no executive function capabilities. Differently abled = something like left handed, you are still fully abled, you just do it differently but you do it without any aid or tools.

My friend @poeticallydisgraced gave that example when our school put up a sign about recognizing differently abled students. And I think that fits the situation very well.

If you're curious, I've given a bit of a description of my experience under the cut.

Happy disability pride month!

I am nuerodivergent, Audhd, I have autism and Adhd. I also have chronic health issues with severe allergies and I get some bad migraines. I have hearing issues too but wouldn't call myself hard of hearing, it's more of a disconnect between what's said and what I hear. Makes for some entertaining conversations.

I tend to get over stimulated in social settings, too much noise and too many people really mess with me, light and sound trigger my migraines which can last for days, which is never fun.

I have no social awareness, and can't tell the difference between teasing and bullying, the line is super blurred/non existent for me.

This causes a lot of problems, because when people make those jokes and tease me, I don't get it, and to me it's rude and mean, but it also goes the other way cause when I joke I cross a line I can't see, and then everyone gets mad at me even though I'm doing the same thing as them.

I technically have a minor hearing loss in my left ear from a surgery as a child, but I had started having those hearing issues during the phase of development where you learn to speak, so my understanding of language is a bit skewed and I frequently hear things wrong, or don't hear the words said and have to ask for people to repeat it.

My family is starting to get annoyed and won't repeat anything but it's not like I'm choosing to do it, and it is very frustrating when they refuse to repeat it.

All these things leave me feeling a little isolated from my family and people around me.

I am expected to change and be someone else that is more acceptable to nuerotypical society, I jump through hoops and put on an act to appear less different, I've always been singled out as weird and other, and while no one has bullied me, at least that I was aware of, I got left behind by my peers.

The constant masking and acting like something I am not is exhausting, after a week of school I am fully drained of my energy and ability to put on that act.

My mom has gotten upset that I don't act the way I do at school at home, but I shouldn't have to act like a different person with my family.

I am not ashamed to be nuerodiverse and disabled, no one should be shamed or looked down on for something they can't control. A lot still needs to be done to make our society accessible to everyone, the current disability protection and aid laws are insufficient and full of loopholes that allow for disabled people to be ignored.

Have fun learning!

Happy disability pride month!

[yoiku]

Looks like I really have my pondering cap on today so i'm just gonna ramble some more

Since i got diagnosed with AuDHD a few years back, it's been really interesting thinking back on so many different things and having a new angle to examine it all from. There's been stuff that i could even say has felt cathartic in the sense of being able to be kinder to myself about some things after over 30 years of causing myself needless suffering. But also a lot of stuff that I have realised I really need to improve on and either haven't understood or even noticed before. Now that I'm learning about the toolset I've been setup with and have a better understanding of how to operate, maybe the improvement is finally possible. I've always really struggled with asking for help mostly because I was raised to be independent through both useful(actual skills) and harmful(mindset&left on my own way too much) means. The whole "don't ask other people to solve your problems/don't bother people with something that doesn't involve them" mantra i got repeated at as a kid, over time evolved into feeling really proud of being so independent. Nothing wrong with that in itself I think, but at some point it starts to be harmful. It can make you become distant while it feels more like selflessness, esp when you're always ready to offer help but never accept any. And somewhere in the back of your mind there's a bit of that "I'm better because I don't need to ask for help" -attitude brewing as well. All the while I could've seriously used some help on a good variety of things. But no, I felt like I had to figure it out on my own even if it was something that you actually need at least another pair of hands for. Now it feels a bit easier because I feel like I can start with "hey i kinda struggle with these things in general so I could use some assistance" or just straight up say that "uhhh sorry but i didn't understand that" instead of pretending that I did out of shame for not knowing everything i'm ever talked to about. Still difficult things to shake off often because its what i've done most of my life. I also still really struggle with being helped/instructed when I've not asked for any of it, I can get really annoyed really fast with that. I feel like I need to fucking go for a full meditation mode for a while to remind myself time and time again that people are usually just trying to be genuinely helpful because they want to. Funny how I remember that while i'm doing the same myself, but when it's being aimed at me, suddenly it's all upside down, huh. Stuff like this I've really started to see way better after i got diagnosed. Knowing that the wrinkly blob residing in my bone-dome is actually wired differently really allowed me to have a new perspective on stuff. It isn't a free ticket to be an ass or ignorant etc. But if you don't know how it can effect you, it's not surprising if you struggle so much more in so many ways and end up needlessly suffering. So when you become(sometimes painfully) aware of these things you understand your own and sometimes the behaviours of others better. Doesn't happen overnight for sure though. (The depression I've had accumulating since my teens definitely has had a negative effect on a lot of these things too making everything even more difficult.) Then there are the fun little things that suddenly start to make a lot more sense, like being told all of these things repeatedly: - You always seem disinterested in everything/ you're not at all excitable - You sound bored / monotone - You're always pouting / you always look uninviting / you should try smiling sometime ^u^ - You're so quiet / you never seem to have anything to say - You daydream/ space out too much - Stop bouncing your leg, tapping things, fiddling, biting/chewing things - Stop making weird noises - You do [thing] in such overly complicated/weird way - You forget so much stuff but remember the weirdest details about anything

Forever annoyed about people telling me how I look the way I do though, because bitch that's literally just how my face is. The corners of my mouth have never really curved upwards so matter how big of a smile i'm pulling. My neutral face really just looks like :( and when i'm smiling it's more like :I Maybe try looking for the smile in my eyes sometime. And hey, getting older is making everything sag and droop even more, so i'll keep getting more and more pouty with time! I'll become the most pissed off looking fossil there ever was.

[icedmetaltea]

dude pmdd hit me seemingly MIDWAY THROUGH YESTERDAY ALL AT ONCE I want to fucking scream

I'm bloated and sore and getting mood swings and anxious as hell and depressed as fuck and acne-ridden... had a good long cry yesterday and it helped for a bit but today I'm equally fucked up

and going over each and every convo with the social worker and feeling like I messed up everything and she hates me and wishes I was dead... like I asked if we could do a remote session and she just replied with "sure"

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN does it mean you're incredibly disappointed with me

does it mean “wow kelsey we're going to have zero stuff to talk about so who cares which way we do it”

“cause how are you supposed to get exposure therapy if you're not getting out to the car w/ me idiot”

(texted her again to see if we can just reschedule cause come on there's nothing to talk about till we get replies from the disability lawyer and the paperwork we need for the tuition forgiveness thing and I can actually go outside bc rn I'm an anxious wreck who'd throw up if I even looked at a car)

and I forgot my mom's birthday yesterday on top of everything else, my dad had to text me a little reminder and that was AFTER I sent her a bunch of panicked messages about project 2025 (which thankfully she didn't see and I deleted before she could, but damn, I feel like every time I try to talk about politics with her the world punishes me for it) and I sent her an ecard but it was already like 8pm at that point and though she thanked me I feel like she was disappointed for me to forget- plus I obvs couldn't get her any birthday gift bc I'm broke as fuck

and on top of everything else last night it got really really bad (the birthday thing was the icing on the cake) and I ended up getting the stupid urge to cut again. i was able to control it enough to reach for my bag of rubber bands and use one, it's been like half a year since I've done that and now I feel disappointed in myself, but I couldn't take it anymore and honestly I'll probably do it again today

I'm a disappointment to everyone. To the social worker. To mom and dad. To my sister. To my friends. To everyone. And everyone would be happy if I was gone

and sure I'm sure this is just hormones talking bc last week I had interests, I was smiling, I was watching stupid meme vids and not wanting to blow my brains out but since yesterday it's all I've been able to think about, how fucked the world is, how we're gonna go into a civil and/or revolutionary war and climate change is fucked so I might as well go before I have to suffer too much right?? But then I feel like I should suffer because I deserve to. I'm so pathetic.

Now all my interests are gone. I can't smile. I have no appetite but I'm so goddamned hungry. Any progress I made on fixing my sleep schedule is gone cause I didn't fall asleep till 7am. I doubt I'll be able to go outside today. I doubt I'll be able to do anything today but be curled up in bed wanting to off myself.

I feel like everybody's sick of me and my emotions. What if they think I'm manipulating them?? Then I try to rationalize that like "wow you'd have to be pretty impressive if you somehow accidentally managed to manipulate everyone without even trying to and while being as bad at puzzles and logic games as you are" like I've been taught with therapy time and time again but of course that only works so well when danny's voice is echoing in my head.

The worst part is I never know if it's just PMDD making me feel this way or if it's just pulling away the blinds of distraction and making me see myself and the world for how it is

I'm so tired

[daisymae-12]

20 questions for fic writers

thanks for the tag @kiwiana-writes ❤️❤️❤️

I wasn't going to do this because a silly part of me was feeling some imposter syndrome - mostly because I haven't published a fic for RWRB yet, and that makes me feel like I'm not a 'real' fic writer (yes silly I know) 🙃 reminded myself that I have published stuff on ffn/ao3 before even though it was 6+ years ago 😅 ANYWAY filled this out so I can look back in a year or so and see what's changed 🌞

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

5 on my old AO3 account that I pretend doesn't exist 😂 1 on my new AO3 (though it's just a fic where I dump my drabbles)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

48k

3. What fandoms do you write for?

only RWRB now

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

lmao not going specifically name them because these days I like to pretend all my old fics don't exist but my fic with the most kudos (354) is a soulmate fic 😌

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Mostly! (I've tried to respond to all of them but I'm always fighting the procrastination monster)

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? 7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Confession for these two questions - I've never actually finished writing a fic 💀 but! I don't think I could ever write an angsty ending - I need a happy ending 😂 I'm going to finish a fic one day, I swear (hilariously I think the first fic I'll ever finish will be the Vampire Henry fic at this rate LOL)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Thankfully no

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I've always planned to but I've never actually reached that part 💀 (see above confession about never having finished a fic lol)

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Nope! Don't think it would be something I would do in the future either.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No and I don't think anyone would want to steal any of my half finished fics LOL

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Alex/Henry 🥺

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Ahh all the unfinished fics on my old AO3 account. Sometimes I still get comments on that soulmate fic asking if I'm ever going to update and while I'd love to finish it, I'm in a different headspace now from when I started it (10 years ago!)

16. What are your writing strengths?

Let me see if I've got an answer for this in a year because right now I genuinely don't know 😅

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Does being a slow writer count? Never finishing a fic? I'm working on it 😅 I have 6 (whoops) WIP's right now and there's two that are SO CLOSE to being done - I've just got to keep fighting my easily distracted brain 🥲 The day I finish writing a fic, I'll genuinely cry and probably buy myself a cake to celebrate 😂

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I'd like to? I do love reading fics that include Spanish dialogue. But my second language (Tagalog) is kinda useless for this? 😂 You'd think it'd be helpful cause it uses a lot of Spanish words/phrases, but it's too much of a different language overall to be of any use. (lol I'll read fics with Spanish dialogue and randomly be amused when I recognize a word that's the same in Tagalog - "I know that word!!!")

19. First fandom you wrote for?

HP (hate what jkr has done to taint it tho 🙃)

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Since I've never finished a fic, my fave WIP's right now are my Fake Dating/College AU fic and my Vampire Henry fic 🥰

no pressure tags as always (sorry if you've already done this and I missed it 😅) @heybuddy-drabbles @affectionatelyrs @littlemisskittentoes @cultofsappho @happiness-of-the-pursuit @read-and-write- @14carrotghoul @inexplicablymine @suseagull04 +anyone who wants to do this

[seeingteacupsindragons]

hi, im the person whos sent you those rude asks trying to get a reaction, but after thinking about it, id like to apologise for my behaviour. i realise now how immature and ridiculous it was, and that i was just trying to get negative attention because i was bored and too miserable to be able to have any better form of interaction with anyone. but whatever immature reason, i know taking out my personal issues on a stranger i found mildy annoying is really bad behaviour and i shouldnt have done it. im really sorry if i caused any genuine offence when i criticised your writing of which i know nothing about, and im sorry for all those rude and immature and completely random asks i kept spamming you with just because i was bored. it wasnt personal or anything it was sort of random and i dont even know why i did it, it sounds nuts when i think about it. ill stop doing all this rubbish and leave you alone from now on, i wont even do it to anyone else. i just wanted to say that i recognise now that im in the wrong and was acting really rubbishly

Anon...

Honestly, it became apparent almost immediately that you were trying to goad me into giving you attention because you weren't getting any and you were likely jealous I have figured out how to get attention, and...honestly...

That made it easier to keep ignoring you. Because it was so incredibly apparent that what you were doing was entirely about you being upset and jealous and not having the emotional maturity to admit that or do anything productive about it. It wasn't interesting, or relevant to me.

I've never sent anonymous hate mail to anyone (or signed hate mail), but I definitely had a lot of very unstable years where I reacted very badly in social interactions and behaved honestly embarrassingly for the same reasons. You said that you find actually admitting things and liking attention is embarrassing...but I would rather be embarrassed by that than embarrassed about lying to myself.

It's social media! We all want interaction and attention!

But the thing is, making friends and getting attention is often rooted in being positive and loving and affectionate about things. I have so many followers on here because I talk about the things they love with ardent passion. I had a huge surge of followers recently for making a positivity post for original fiction writers encouraging people.

One of your first messages to me told me I don't respond to hate mail "normally" because I actually express genuine hurt when people are mean to me. But that is a normal human reaction. And you know that. I have always been a very open, genuine, and earnest person, so I cannot relate to wrapping yourself in hate, but I spent many years wrapped in anger and jealousy, and the thing that got me out of it was therapy.

Seriously. Therapy, and psychiatric medication. Because my personal brain chemistry means I need that.

And I encourage you to also seek out some kind of professional medical help, because you seem so genuinely miserable and directionless in your life that you need help finding a direction to pursue.

So I genuinely hope you do do that and it helps make you a happier person who hopefully doesn't go into social spaces intentionally poisoning things and making other people miserable because you are miserable. That's what you're doing right now.

But you can also choose to make social spaces more heartfelt and welcoming and warm and kind by adding that to the environment instead. It's a lot of work, sometimes, but it's worth it to me and to people in general.

And you did still hurt my feelings, even though I knew it had nothing to do with me. That's the cost of how you're behaving: you hurt people, and they don't like you very much or want to interact with you, and then you end up lonely and ignored because you're not acting like the kind of person anyone wants to pay attention to.

I'm glad my inbox will return to normal. I hope you find a great hobby that has absolutely nothing to do with me whatsoever.

[sapphic-space-syren]

This is purely for my own satisfaction and I don't expect anyone to read it but

Below the cut is a letter I wrote in 2018 after 12 weeks of PTSD therapy. The trauma was caused by a romantic and sexual relationship I was in from ages 15-17 with someone a decade older. When I grew up, I was debilitated by shame and guilt, but my lovely therapist helped me realise that it wasn't my fault. This letter to my ex was incredibly cathartic and even though I wrote it 5 years ago, I think it still captures my feelings.

I never sent it.

Hello.

I know this is out of the blue and I'm sorry to dig up old ghosts. It's been over 2 years since I last heard from you and though I always intended on replying to your emails, I could never figure out how to articulate what I wanted to say and, when I thought I finally had it, my feelings would change drastically by the time I wrote it down. But if it's not too late, I think I've finally settled, and hopefully it will partially explain the delay.

When we were together, I thought I was experiencing the most extraoridnary love of my life. As a young teenager, it was all so much more exciting. It made the obvious problems easy to overlook and the breakup nearly impossible to bear.

But then the love faded and I was left with nothing but questioning guilt. It ate away at me for nearly two years, somehow growing more intense with the passing of time. I couldn't see your name without panicking and the idea of romantic or sexual interaction with anyone filled me with intense fear. I was too afraid to speak of this to a therapist; I couldn't bear the thought of them going to the police when I revealed the age difference, but finally it was just too much and I didn't care anymore whether authorites got involved.

When I told my therapist about the "past relationship" that was still bothering me, she immediately put me down for PTSD treatment. It seemed like a joke to me at first; I didn't feel badly enough to be traumatised. Nothing terrible had happened, I just had a few unresolved thoughts and feelings to deal with (and a rocky baseline mental state).

Those thoughts and feelings took more than four months to decipher. A whole semester where my grades plummeted and I had panic attacks (for the first time since I'd been hospitalised) because having to acknowledge and think about these uncomfortable truths I'd been carrying for years was just too much. I tried to drop out of uni and fly away from everything and never return. I realised that things which I had thought were maybe a bit questionable were actually much worse, and the things which had seemed fine at the time were deeply concerning. I'm afraid there are very few parts of the relationship I can look back on without feeling uncomfortable.

All those times I was consumed by love, I was overrun by the desperate need to prove myself good enough against a standard I couldn't hope to meet. I would have done absolutely anything if I thought it would make me more appealing to you, would disguise the fact that something was very wrong in our dynamic. The fear was paralysing, and each day only provided more evidence that I still wasn't enough, couldn't do what was expected of me in this partnership. I was failing. I didn't know what I was getting into, what it meant to be one half of an adult relationship. I didn't have the pre-requisite experience. As a high schooler, romantic entanglements meant affection and exploration; suddenly I found myself in a world of real-life stakes and I had neither the tools to manage them or the self-awareness to see them in the first place.

All this was subconscious, of course. At the time, I believed that it was normal, that all this frantic anxiety was just another symptom of unparalleled love. I tried to eliminate anxieties by getting rid of the apparent causes; I asked you not to tell me about your projects because they were more reminders that we were at different stages in life. Logically, it was ridiculous to expect that I, as a 16-year-old, could be working at the same professional level as someone with a decade on me. But acknowledging this would mean acknowledging how severe the gap between us was in maturity and experience and power. This acknowledgement of my inferiority scared me more than anything, so I tried to sweep the evidence under the rug. I made you my most important priority, above schoolwork and my friends, because I knew deep down that we were not equals and so in order to keep you I must work very, very hard to prove I deserved you despite my shortcomings. And keeping you was the most important thing because it was proof that I was exceptional somehow.

The result was I became completely isolated. I had no close friends, a difficult relationship with my parents, and lost my academic standing. My support system was gone, which almost certainly exacerbated the symptoms of emerging bipolar disorder. Thus, I became entirely dependant on you. I know this was very difficult for you, especially as my mental state grew more unstable, and I am truly sorry for the experience but I hope the reason is at least somewhat understandable. As time went on I became more and more alone and the necessity of keeping you, my sole support person, grew more urgent. I think I began to sense you drifting away toward the end and panicked because for nearly the last 2 years I had devoted my life entirely to you and without you I quite literally had nothing to show for myself, just a few distant former friends and a report card of failing grades; no chance of graduating high school. I think we can agree this is not how relationships of equals are supposed to work. As I've had more relationships with people my own age, the difference has only become more apparent.

I admit I can't really understand how this happened. I certainly looked up to you as an idol and mentor and had a crush borne of admiration, but I cannot imagine how you reciprocated. I am only 20 now but the idea of being romantically or sexually invovled with a 16-year-old seems impossible and disturbing and I am still so much younger than you were then. I know that at the time I tried to overlook the prominent gap, which I think is somewhat understandable behaviour for a teenager who thinks she has been singled out as a special case, but I find it less excusable in an adult. It was your responsibility. As time has passed, I've come to understand why age of consent laws exist and, though I laughed at them at the time, insisted that I was exceptionally mature for my age, I find myself wishing that they'd been able to protect me.

I realise this may sound accusatory. I'm not here for that; just to offer my last word, so to speak, like you did.

Thank you for your well wishes for my health. I actually recoverd very quickly and managed to graduate high school early (if you can believe it) thanks to some creative beaurocracy with the school district. Other than the PTSD, I haven't had an episode since 2015. Turns out my bipolar is mild; I don't think I would have deteriorated like I did if it weren't for the unlucky combination of being prescribed the wrong meds for a year due to misdiagnosis alongside other stresses. I'm hoping I can continue to be happy and successful with only minimal treatment.

Thank you for reading, if you've made it this far. I don't really expect a reply, but you can, if you want. For whatever reason. I'm willing to have a conversation but I understand if it's time to move on from all of it. I'm actually not sure you still use this email address. Regardless, I am glad to have finally responded even if it is nearly 3 years overdue.

bel