#-i need to actually ask for help though cause I've done too much myself for too long

[lightkrets312]

I think there's something skewed in my idea of what "help" is.

[odditycircus-2002]

Mortal Kombat 1 Intros with Medusa!Reader Part II

Li Mei

Y/N: Are you sure we cannot keep the traitor as a lovely ornament?

Li Mei: Reiko has to face trial like anyone else, Y/N.

/

Y/N: I still regret that I could not have done more for Sindel.

Li Mei: I know it pains you, but no one is accusing you of doing nothing.

/

Y/N: I am not sure I can give a testimony without trying to kill Shang Tsung on sight.

Li Mei: Justice cannot function properly unless you follow it thoroughly.

/

Y/N: I hope you're still not holding it against Syzoth for disturbing the lantern festival.

Li Mei: After everything he's done for the Empire? I'll let him off with a warning this time.

/

Li Mei: It is thanks to you that most of Sun Do's constables survived our battle with Shao and his allies.

Y/N: I am glad to hear they made full recoveries.

/

Li Mei: You must put your faith in justice.

Y/N: There is no such thing as it, the best I could hope for is revenge.

/

Li Mei: It still baffles me that you managed to slip away from me the first time you came to the palace.

Y/N: What can I say? I've always been the slippery type.

Kitana

Y/N: I am presuming that Li Mei wishes to speak with me about slipping hallucinogenic mushrooms into the rebel army's food supply.

Kitana: You did what now?!

/

Y/N wistfully: It seems like only yesterday to me that I helped bring you into the world.

Kitana: Time tends to fly by like that, Y/N.

/

Y/N surprised: I understand honoring Baraka, but Mileena wants to do the same with me?

Kitana: You have served Outworld with as much determination and loyalty as any honored soldier, Y/N

/

Y/N: I am truly sorry I couldn't save your mother.

Kitana: My family and I know more than anyone how hard you try to keep her alive.

/

Kitana: By the gods, NO! That is absolutely a cruel idea.

Y/N: How is throwing food that is secretly explosives worse than Shao weaponizing Onaga?

/

Kitana: Perhaps you should stop coming to the strategy meetings...

Y/N: Is this about my latest suggestion?

/

Kitana: You have a sister?

Y/N: Yes, but we're not as close as you and Mileena.

Liu Kang

Liu Kang: Even though he proves to be resilient, I’d be wary of Baraka loosing control.

Y/N: Have you forgotten I too was once a beauty now a turned beast?

/

Liu Kang: Baraka and his fellow Tarkatans view you as a beacon of hope for all you’ve done for them.

Y/N: Only because NO ONE elssse would help those poor unfortunate soulsss!

/

Liu Kang: Do not become tempted by Shang Tsung’s Well of Souls.

Y/N: If you had any chance of saving the one you loved from a cruel fate, wouldn’t you take it? /

Y/N: I asked you to kill me in a previous timeline???

Liu Kang: Kronika made it so you cannot go on without Shang Tsung. /

Y/N: I was a dangerous enemy in a past timeline, why didn’t you erase me for good?

Liu Kang: Because I had hoped that with better circumstances, you’d turn out kinder.

/

Y/N: I am grateful that you didn’t have me predestined to marry Shang Tsung

Liu Kang: As am I that you had an actual choice to choose who to love.

/

Y/N: I hope you do not expect I pray to you, not when I have to rely on myself to heal others.

Liu Kang: No, I do not need any of the sort, Y/N.

Kiu Liang (Scorpion)

Y/N: For freeing me from Shang Tsung and Quan-chi, I am in your debt till death.

Kiu Liang: I could not stand idly by and let the Sorcerers continue to use you.

/

Y/N: Thank you again for those earthrealm medical books you've gifted me.

Kiu Liang: May they prove to greatly help your cause.

/

Y/N: Truth be told, I envy that you and your new bride have life to look forward to together.

Kiu Liang: I understand why your heart would be in such turmoil.

/

Y/N: My venom is more than strong enough to overpower yours.

Kiu Liang: But can you take the force of my sting?

/

Kiu Liang: Baraka and the rest of the Colony are fortunate to have you as their healer.

Y/N: As is the Shirai Ryu for having you as Grandmaster.

/

Kiu Liang: I promise you, my clan and I will ensure that Bi-han is tried for his crimes-

Y/N angrily hisses: I do NOT care that he'sssss your brother! He must be cut like the tumor he is for hisssss attack on the colony!

/

Kiu Liang: You taught Outworlds High Mage hydromancy?

Y/N: Only the basics. He bringsssss me great shame for abusing the magic he's learned.

Sub-Zero (Bi-Han)

Y/N: Kuia-Liang will be disappointed that he's not the one who finished you.

Bi-Han: He will be disappointed to know you died thinking you could.

/

Y/N: You are plague to everything you touch.

Bi-Han: Only to those who would stand against me or my clan.

/

Y/N angrily and hissing: You killed my patientssss!!!

Bi-Han: I did them a favor by releasing them from their misery.

/

Y/N: Taking Shang Tsung's offer was a foolish mistake.

Bi-Han: You're right. I do not need his sorcery to bring power and glory to my clan.

/

Bi-Han: What manner of illness did you give my Lin Kuei, witch?!

Y/N patronizingly: I thought your clan was supposed to be stronger.

/

Bi-Han: I know your cold blood will stand no chance against my cryomancy.

Y/N: Actually, I ssstill remain warm-blooded.

/

Bi-Han: Your hydromancy has no chance against my cryromancy.

Y/N: Have you forgotten what ice is made from, Bi-han?

Rain

Rain: Why did you never teach ME how to control blood?

Y/N: I wished to spare you of the magic’s cost of madness.

/

Rain: I will always regret my crimes against Seido

Y/N: If you’re truly remorseful, then their ssssouls shall haunt you till the day you die. /

Y/N: I did NOT teach you how to control water, sssso you could dishonor me or your family!

Rain: I know how deeply I’ve shamed all of you. /

Rain: With the magic you know, why did you never pursue becoming High Mage?

Y/N: To avoid being overwhelmed with ambition asssss you were. /

Y/N: Your once cleansing water are ssssstained with the blood of Seido’s victims.

Rain: It is something I can never truly wash away. /

Rain: I have surpassed your water magic!

Y/N: How bold to assume that I’ve taught you EVERYTHING about water’s capabilitiessss.

/

Y/N: You want to come with ME into the Kytinn Hive???

Rain: So I can finally start my penance.

[snowblossomreads]

Day 23: Under the Tree

Pairing: Severus Snape x Fem!Reader

Summary: Severus comes home to his living room looking much different than he left it thanks to [Y/n].

Tag(s)/Warning(s): fluff!, decorating for loved one, mentions of childhood poverty, kissing, mostly just cuteness

Word Count: 1.3K

A/N: Ekkk I'm posting this kinda late after running aroundish so apologize for anything with wacky grammar or spelling haha! But enjoy this cute little fluff with Snape!

"What in Salazer's name-! [Y/n] what is all of this?"

When Severus had left early that morning to attend to some business, his sitting room was under decorated as it usually was all year round. That meant piles of books were littered here and there and on the shelves that lined the wall. His typewriter sat on a little table with manuscripts he had been working on for a while. And piled high next to it, were more books along with his chair that sat next to the fireplace.

Yet, when he had returned and stepped into the room he was startled when he was met with the sight of a Christmas wonderland. Nothing had technically been moved, but things had been added to the space. 

Take for instance, the strings of garland that hung on all the shelves and across the fireplace with little holly leaves attached to them. There were also four green and silver striped stockings on the mantle of the fireplace, all of them evenly spaced out from one another.

Also, how could he forget about the tree that was half as tall as the bookshelves? Decorated with little colourful lights that twinkled and would slowly change colours, it also had been wrapped in some gaudy tinsel along with tiny ornaments that hung from the ends of different branches. The tree was insanely bright and much more colourful than most things in the house, and under it were a few gifts wrapped neatly. Before he could look for any more changes in the room, [Y/n] appeared in the kitchen doorway with a bright smile and an apron on.

"Severus!" She beamed as she wiped her hands on her apron and made her way to him with a warm smile. "Welcome back! Do you like what I've done with the place?" She asked, turning around to admire her handy work. "I figured since it's our first Christmas together it should be more festive feeling and I just couldn't help myself. I hope I didn't go too overboard though."

She had thought it a shame that they hadn't decorated for Christmas with how close it was and as it got closer it just didn't feel right to not have something festive looking in the house. So when Severus had left that morning, [Y/n] decided that their first Christmas wouldn't be complete without a tree and some decorations.

So she made her way to Hogsmeade and gathered as much decoration as she could find in the short amount of time that she had to pull what she had in mind. The hardest thing was to get a tree sent over quickly and discreetly. Thankfully it was a handy thing to be such a skilled witch as her as with one little wave of a wand, the miniature tree that she had found easily became a midsize one and large enough to fit all the decorations she had bought.

She had furiously decorated the whole room not stopping until everything was done as she wanted to give him a surprise. Once all the decorations were up, she quickly ran to place the presents that they had bought for one another underneath it. Was it a temptation to take a peek at them, absolutely but she didn't!

"I think I did amazing with the time crunch I had, but you're the wizard I need to impress! Soooo how'd you like it?"

"[Y/n] I-." He started, but stopped in mid sentence causing her to look at him and notice the slightly shocked expression on his features.

He didn't quite know what to say. It had been years, since he had seen the room like this. Alive with so much colour and cheer, that when he thought of it, he actually didn't believe that he had ever seen it so full of life.

As a child, when they decorated, and that was if his parents could afford to, they would only usually have a tiny tree that had already lost a lot of it's needles. The lights were not colorful just a bright white with missing bulbs here and there, and there would usually be two or three things under the tree if anything at all.

So to see so much Christmas in his home, had his heart swirling with emotions that he still had a hard time coming to terms with. It all felt so new that all he could do was sit in silence for a moment as he took in what [Y/n] had done for him.

"Severus?" She questioned, unsure if the silence that was between them was good or bad as he had not yet voice an opinion either way.

She had been nervous about her whole decorating scheme and him not answering her made her stomach twist uncomfortably as she thought she had done something wrong.

"Oh gosh I've messed up haven't I? I debated on telling you but I thought it be a fun surprise," you know?" She babbled nervously, wringing her hands on her apron while trying to explain her reasoning. "I know you don't  like your stuff being moved about so I tried to work around it, but I just thought it be nice for a spark of colour to light the place up. Not that I don't like it as it is! It's just-."

She didn't get to finish her rambling explanation because before another word left her lips, Severus had wrapped his arms around her in a hug and his lips were pressed against hers in a gentle yet passionate kiss.

All of the worry she had about overstepping instantly melted like snow on a warm day and she was kissing him back with the same passion. Arms wrapping around his waist to keep her from falling over at how good his lips felt against hers, she couldn't hold in the moan that left her throat as he kissed her over and over until she was breathless from his affection.

"It's beautiful [Y/n]," he husked in that rich baritone of his as he finally pulled away from her lips leaving her a bit light headed. "Absolutely wonderful. A Christmas wonderland is not what I expected when I came but it is wonderful present either way."

His approval had her heart soaring, while also causing her to relax in his hold now that she knew his silence wasn't because he was crossed with her. Letting out a breath of relief, [Y/n] shuffled in his hold so that her back was against his front and she delicately took his hands so that he would lace his fingers across her waist.

Leaning back, they both gazed at the room for a moment, admiring her handy work at making everything so festive in such a short amount of time.

"Well good," she sighed out as his arms tighten their hold against her as he leaned down to kiss the top of her head. "I was scared that you were going to hate it but it makes me feel better that you don't. And also I think the lights on the tree are lovely and I would hate to take them down."

"Mhmm, they are quite lovely, but for what it's worth," he whispered huskily in her ear, a sound that made her shiver in his arms. "I think you are the brightest light in this room and in any other."

His compliment caused an involuntary smile to bloom on her lips as she turned around to face the man she adored so much. A tiny smile was on his thin lips when she looked at him, yet it was his dark eyes that were alight that seemed to tell the story of how happy he was.

"Oh Severus I do love you," she whispered as she went to stroke his cheek, causing his eyes to soften at her.

"And I love you, darling, thank you for this," he responded before leaning down and kissing her once more as they were surrounded in their little wonderland.

[makeitmingi]

Cause Baby You're My Muse [Chapter 21]

Genre: Romance, Idol!AU, Music, Slight angst

Pairing: Mingi x Reader (y/n)

Characters: Producer!Reader, IdolLyricist!Mingi, IdolProducer!Hongjoong, Idol!Seonghwa, Idol!Yunho, Idol!Wooyoung, Idol!San, Idol!Yeosang, Idol!Jongho, cameo(s) by other celebrities

Summary: You always preferred producing underground, having an unknown face and governed by your own rules. But when you start freelancing for idol groups, you say goodbye to your lone wolf lifestyle as you learn to work with idol producers and lyricists.

Word count: 3.2K

Although you were so swarmed with work and haven't got time to sit down and speak with Mingi, you were still glad when he would show up to spend the night with you. You appreciated having him around you to comfort you.

He also assured you that with the both of you busy working on music production, you didn't need to pressure yourself to talk. Like you, he just wanted your comfort.

"Thanks for getting take out." You smiled tiredly, fresh from the shower. Mingi saw you and waddled over to you.

"It's the least I can do, seeing you work so much." He said as he engulfed you into a hug.

"You're working hard too..." You yawned, voluntarily leaning into him.

"I'm glad to be back at the studio though. At least you can come over without me worrying about Hongjoong showing up at my door to work." You smiled softly.

"Mhmm." Mingi stroked your cheek, bending down to give you a sweet kiss. You sat on your bed, fiddling with your phone while Mingi placed his head in your lap comfortably. There was a slightly frown on your face as you focused on what you were reading or watching on the screen.

"You're frowning too much." Mingi lifted his hand to poke the space between your eyebrows, making you relax instantly.

"Sorry." You sighed.

"Mm-mm, don't apologise." Mingi shook his head with a kind smile. You felt your cheeks heat up at the way Mingi was smiling at you, making you look away.

"Are you worried?" You asked, putting your phone aside to look at him, opting to play with his fingers than the device.

"Worried about Hongjoong hyung? No. Worried about KQ? No. Worried about the fans... A little. I'm more worried for your safety than anything else." Mingi kissed the palm on your hand.

"I'll just disappear underground if I have to. I've done a good job of hiding despite my line of work." You shrugged, trying to lighten the conversation.

"But I don't want you to disappear." Mingi stated with a small frown. You couldn't help but laugh, now it was your turn to poke his frown. He relaxed into a smile at your playfulness. You fell backward to lie down, letting out a groan.

"Are you worried?" Mingi asked back.

"About myself? No. About you and possibly, Haneul? Yes." You cast your eyes over him.

"I'll never let anything happen to Haneul. And you." Mingi assured. He knew that Haneul meant the world to you but it was just thinking ahead now.

"Can I ask, why did you decide to take care of Haneul? You know, despite your young age and everything." Mingi asked. You froze at his question. Were you really ready to be so vulnerable around him?

"Y-You don't have to if you don't want to!" Mingi quickly added after he noticed your defensive posture.

"It's okay... Well, my aunt and uncle weren't exactly the best parents too, like mine. They didn't plan to have a child actually so Haneul wasn't wanted from the start." You explained.

"They wanted to terminate the pregnancy but my grandmother convinced them not to. You know, just on the off chance that they might grow fond of the baby. But when she was born, they wanted to give her up for adoption. I guess the love or fondness never festered." You shrugged.

"But I thought Haneul was beautiful. She didn't deserve knowing that she wasn't wanted from the start. I just bonded with her ever since."

"Your parents were okay with you having a baby around?" Mingi tilted his head.

"They never knew. Or maybe they never bothered to know. I found the orphanage Haneul was given to and had the arrangement with the ahjumma there. As long as I paid, Haneul was safe." You replied.

"It must not have been easy doing it all on your own. Especially since you were just starting out." Mingi held your hand.

"It wasn't a walk in the park. I moved out when I could, got a small apartment. Every other cent I made went to Haneul, to feed and clothe her."

"But every time I see Haneul, I don't regret it. She's an amazing child, she's my world." You smiled softly.

"I'm selfish, aren't I?" You looked up at Mingi with tears brimming in your eyes. Mingi's eyes widened at your sudden statement. He had so many thoughts about your story but you being selfish didn't even cross his mind.

"Why would you say that?" He asked, reaching up to wipe your fallen tears.

"Haneul could be living lavishly now. With two parents and maybe even siblings. Yet, I'm the reason that isn't happening." You smiled bitterly through your tears.

"I know that having her here with me means that she would have to grow up alone most of the time. And I can't do that to her, having her grow up like me, coming home to an empty house."

"But for some reason, I can't let her go. I'd rather live with the guilt than to let her go." You cried.

"Indigo..." Mingi pulled you to him, letting you sob into his chest.

"You're not selfish. Far from. You've sacrificed so much to give Haneul the best. And Haneul is such a great kid thanks to you." He hushed you, stroking his head to comfort you.

"Having Haneul around taught me to care for others. How to live for someone." You whispered. Mingi's heart broke as you continued talking and crying. Outside, you were cool and collected but it was just a facade, it was the way you protected your vulnerable self. And now, you were slowly letting your guard down around him.

"Shh..." Mingi could only hold you and listen. He never once made a remark or reaction that made you feel embarrassed.

"I started underground because I wasn't old enough to work, no one would want to work with a 14 year old girl that had no experience. But producing became the push I needed." You said.

"With my music, I wanted to be something. Then I met Hyuk and he helped me grow. He taught me what I know and refined my skills." You continued.

"You were so young..." Mingi stroked your head.

"So I've been plagiarised, taken advantage of, everything. The music industry is cruel, especially if you're a nobody." You sighed.

"But through it all, you've made it. And it's all thanks to your own effort and hardwork. You've come so far, I'm proud of you." Mingi kissed your forehead. Your heart grew warm and fuzzy at Mingi's words, your inner child felt healed.

"Thank you. No one has ever told me that before." You confessed. Mingi stroked your cheek with a soft smile.

Now he understood why you hid your name and your face. It was another way you protected yourself after you've been hurt. And now that you were a known name, you wanted to protect that even more.

"Wow. I need to stop crying or I'm going to be puffed tomorrow." You went to the bathroom to wash your face.

"Will you be at the studio tomorrow?" You asked from the bathroom.

"I have a dance class at 1 but that's at an external studio. I have PT at 5." Mingi read out.

"We can sleep in then. I told Eden I'm taking the first half of the day off. Last night's all nighter gave me a splitting headache the entire day today, I barely got anything done." You sighed.

"While I'm glad you're taking a small break tomorrow, you shouldn't be pulling all nighters anymore. It's not good for you." Mingi sat up, being the one to hover over you now. He had a worried look on his face which you thought was cute. Luckily he was at a height where you could wrap your arms around his neck.

"You okay?" Mingi asked, his hands coming to rest on your hips as he gladly let you hug him, his head resting on your chest. Of course, he was careful not to rest his entire weight on you.

"I don't know... I just know I want to hug you." You confessed. Luckily he couldn't see your embarrassed and flustered expression now.

"Hug me all you want." Mingi chuckled.

That's how you and Mingi fell asleep and stay asleep until morning. With Mingi around, you didn't feel the need to always be working, to just take the time to relax.

"Would you prefer to eat out sometimes?" Mingi asked as he sat opposite you for breakfast.

"Actually, it doesn't bother me. I'm always an indoor person anyway. Why? Do you want to go out for a meal?" You tilted your head.

"I'm a slow eater so eating at home is less stressful. I just thought it would be nice to take you out on a date..." Mingi confessed. You choked, realising how you didn't even realise his intention.

"Sure, Mings. But I don't need to go out to fancy dinners to have a nice time." You smiled.

After breakfast, you went to your studio to quickly reply to some emails while Mingi did the dishes. You and him had that plan, one person cooks while the other person will do the dishes after. When Mingi was done, he crept into your studio.

"You're supposed to be resting." Mingi covered your eyes with his hands. He looked over the top of your head to see that you were looking over some documents

"What's all these?" He let go of you to take a closer look.

"I've been so busy I forgot to sign the contracts and working agreements for some other collaborations I'm doing." You informed.

"Wow, these are some big name companies and artists." Mingi said in awe, eyes briefly glancing through. You hummed, not really feeling the weight of the fame and reputation for these people.

"So what's this stack?" Mingi pointed.

"That's the people I rejected working with or decided not to work with because of different reasons." You explained.

"May I?" He asked. You nodded, too focused on reading the conditions of the contract right in front of you. Mingi's eyes widened at some of the things that he read but he did hide the rest of his shock well, clearing his throat and just putting the papers back into a neat stack.

"Can we not work for a while? I have to leave in an hour." Mingi requested, putting his hand over yours to stop you from writing. You snorted in laughter.

"Have any of the members asked where you disappear off to for the whole night?" You raised an eyebrow.

"I have my own room so they never really know when I'm in or not. Plus, I stay at the studio overnight most of the time." Mingi said.

"Oh, that's true." You nodded. You did put your papers away to spend time with Mingi before he had to leave and you needed to be at the studio. You sat on the couch, tucked under his arm.

"You should watch the Wanteez episodes. They're hilarious." You slapped his thigh.

"They're embarrassing." Mingi mumbled.

Soon, Mingi had to leave. You walked him to the door and he wore his shoes. He leaned against the door frame, looking down at you with an endearing smile on his face. You blinked as you stared back up at him. He leaned down to give you a kiss.

"Have a nice day." He stroked your head. You nodded, wrapped your arms around his waist, pressing your ear to his chest. You felt him press his cheek to the top of your head.

"I'll see you later?" You mumbled. He hummed in reply as he pulled away to leave your place.

After that, you got ready to leave the house. You wore your mask before getting onto the bus to go to KQ.

"Hi, Joong. Did you wait long?" You asked as you stepped out of the lift. Hongjoong looked up from his phone and shook his head with a small smile.

"Let's go." You took the lead in walking to your studio. You and Hongjoong have been working together almost every day.

"I worked on the beats I was showing you yesterday if don't mind helping me review it?" He asked as he walked into the studio behind you. You nodded your head and proceeded to turn on your system, plugging your laptop in. Hongjoong now even had a more comfortable chair in your studio.

"Thanks again for helping me with producing." Hongjoong rubbed the back of his neck.

"Why are you suddenly acting like that/ You're already a great producer, Joong. There's nothing to help you with honestly." You laughed, slapping his shoulder.

"Yah, you can't hit your elders." Hongjoong feigned anger.

"Have you decided what songs to propose to the company yet?" He asked when he saw all your folders.

"Kind of? I still have changes and edits to be made before I decide for sure." You scratched your head. You have been deciding what songs would fit the concept the best.

"Mingi said he might submit some tracks too since he has been writing more lyrics and going to the studio. Has he told you?" Hongjoong asked. He missed the way you stiffened slightly at the mention of Mingi.

"I've not worked with him as much on producing but I'm glad he was able to start writing his lyrics again." You kept you eyes on the screen.

"Maybe you can help him? Mingi isn't very confident in his producing skills." Hongjoong suggested. You shrugged, if Mingi needed help or advice, he would have asked you.

"Anyway, which track did you want me to review again?" You changed the subject.

"This one." Hongjoong scrolled to the folder on his laptop. You didn't know why you felt slightly awkward talking about Mingi to Hongjoong.

"I mixed the raw piano." He explained as you listened.

"Mmm... Sounds good..." You nodded, bobbing your head and tapping your fingers against the desk.

After going through some tracks and working on them, you and Hongjoong decided to order in some food for a mid day snack. According to Hongjoong, you 'made the mistake' of telling the boys and inviting them if they were around. Because that meant that you invited chaos.

"Why did you invite them...?" Hongjoong groaned, shaking you with his hands on your shoulders. Just as he said that, there were knocks on your door.

"Don't let them in. They'll go away if you ignore them." Hongjoong said. You laughed and removed his hands from you.

"We know you're in there!" Wooyoung yelled. Then there was the spamming of the door bell.

"You..." Hongjoong gave you the stink eye while you shrugged and went to get the door. Just like a bunch of excited puppies, you were tackled the moment you opened the door.

"Oof!" You fell back from the sheer force.

"BOYS!" Hongjoong yelled in shock, immediately rushing you and bending down to help you.

"You okay?" He asked. You nodded as he helped you stand back up, shooting the boys a disapproving glare. Luckily your floor was carpeted to kind of cushion your fall. Seonghwa shook his head, sparing the blame since he didn't rush in.

"Sorry, Indigo. Are you okay?" Wooyoung held your hands, turning you around to check for some sort of physical damage on you. San did the same.

"I'm fine. It's okay." You assured.

"Boys, I told you to be careful. Not everyone can take your strength, especially multiple of you." Hongjoong lectured.

"Are you sure you're not hurt?" Seonghwa asked softly with a tilt of his head.

"I'm really okay, omma. The carpet cushioned my fall." You giggled as Seonghwa wrapped his arm around you. It was apparent that you had become of the favourite child of the parent duo.

"You're like that friend that comes in and acts like an angel to be the parents' favourite." Jongho said with amusement.

"They've practically adopted me because I'm such a perfect child, you know?" You scoffed with a hair flip. Seonghwa and Hongjoong rolled their eyes.

"Perfect child? You're a child that we constantly have to worry about. Worry if you're eating, sleeping and not working all the time. I already have to worry about someone being sleep deprived and that's Hongjoong." Seonghwa clicked his tongue, making you pout. But the others found joy in this, sticking their tongues out at you.

"Then in my defense, I would like to say that I take after my father in that workaholic behaviour." You pointed at Hongjoong.

"Don't drag me into this." He glared.

"Everyone grab a seat. Help yourself to any drinks in the fridge." You instructed while you all were waiting for the food to arrive. You finished up whatever you were doing with Hongjoong previously.

"I'll save our progress." You looked up at him. Hongjoong looked at what you were referring to and nodded.

"You two. Stop working already." Yeosang shouted from his spot. Mingi and Yunho were the only ones not around, still at their external dance class.

"The delivery guy is downstairs." Hongjoong said, checking his phone. Jongho went with him downstairs to pick up the food.

"Come here. I haven't seen you in so long since you've been cooped up here." Wooyoung pulled you onto his lap, squishing you and burying his face into your back. You squealed in laughter from how ticklish you were.

"Food's here!" Hongjoong and Jongho came in with the food. You stood up to help take the boxes out of the plastic bags and give out the cutlery.

"Thank you for the food, Joong/ captain/ appa!" Everyone chimed before digging in.

"Sit here." Seonghwa pointed to the space beside him. You pulled your work chair to sit between him and Hongjoong.

"This was the afternoon snack we needed." San laughed.

"You guys weren't even supposed to be invited." Hongjoong huffed in a disgruntled away. You laughed, taking a bite of your chicken. Seonghwa took a napkin to wipe the edge of your mouth.

"Is Mingi hyung at his studio?" Jongho asked.

"Nope. He's at an external dance class with Yunho." You replied instinctively. That was when you felt eyes on you.

"How do you know?" Wooyoung tilted his head. You remained cool on the outside but on the inside, you were cursing yourself for replying too quickly.

"He told me when we were talking about the progress on his lyric writing. Besides, I always know all your schedules." You played it off cool with a scoff. The boys shrugged before nodding in agreement. Thank goodness they bought it. Honestly, it was normal for you to know their schedules, especially Mingi and Hongjoong.

"Indigo! Will you work on me for my next cover?" San suddenly asked with a big excited smile.

"Sure." You nodded, making him fist pump. Even if your schedule was undetermined and just filled with projects, you would gladly make time to work with San or any of them.

"How's Haneul?" Jongho asked. It warmed your heart knowing that he was thinking about her.

"She's doing well. She's been asking me when she can see you all again. I think she's more excited to see you guys than me." You chuckled.

"Let's go to the aquarium next time!" Wooyoung suggested and everyone cheered.

"Somehow, I feel like the hyungs are more excited than Haneul will be..." Jongho shook his head as he facepalmed.

~

Series Masterlist

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - January 30

Junk food anon (new), sum it up anon (new), w anon (new), tile anon (new), angry anon (new

Junk Food Anon

Hi <3 First, I am SO sorry, this got eaten by tumblr and just appeared in my inbox now.

I am an overweight person and like...I get where you're coming from, I promise. But I also need you to know that what you're thinking about is NOT a solution. Because being overweight isn't a problem, it's a symptom. It could be a symptom of an unhealthy relationship with food or some kind of health condition, but either way, if you're trying to treat being overweight, you're not going to help yourself, because you're treating the symptom, not the actual problem.

If you say your problem is having an unhealthy relationship with food, this will just make it ten times worse. You have to try to have a HEALTHY relationship with food. Whether that be by seeing a nutritionist, a therapist, going to a support group, etc, THAT is the problem you need to focus on.

And of course, that's only if you want to! The other thing is, people regard weight as such a negative and what I've learned is...if your body is functioning fine, then your weight doesn't matter. So you really don't have to do anything if your body is healthy.

____________________________

Sum It Up Anon

whats up cass? hope your day is well!!

so there’s a lot, but ill sum it up:

basically, i have a girlfriend right? she’s super awesome, but things have been rocky recently

it started after she sent me screenshots of texts of me and another one of her friends talking about crushes (in said screenshot, i admitted that i liked her back, which was a lie and something i recognize i shouldn’t have done, but it was awkward and i didn’t know what to do)

she clearly seemed upset by it, but we were on a break when those texts were sent, so i didn’t really get why she was upset? alas i told her that it was a lie and i shouldn’t have said the lie, but throughout all of it she seemed to not believe me. we probably both weren’t in the right headspace (she texted me so and i am going through it rn) but i told her that i was giving my absolute honesty to her.

i talked to a few friends, and they threw around the word insecure a lot, which is something i keep thinking about for some reason. anyway, a few days later she texted me and asked if i was okay and if she did anything wrong. i told her that i was just going though it and she was fine.

honestly throughout all of this im starting to resent her, idek why she’s honestly so amazing i just… can’t. i feel like a piece of shit for resenting her because i truly don’t know if she’s wrong or if i am.

(bonus but something im trying to figure out: i think i might be gay??? which is a problem because i’m a man. like i lowkey hate myself for it but thats not important)

Okay so as far as the first problem, yeah it sounds like she's insecure, but that doesn't have to be a bad thing. It's true you did nothing wrong, but she might just need reassurance that you like HER, and only her. Have you tried sitting down with her and reminding her of that?

Buuuuuuut the second problem. Well, that could definitely affect the first problem. First of all, being gay is not a problem by itself. It's okay to be gay! And I really hope you know that you don't have to hate yourself for that. But if you're not sure how you feel, or if you like your girlfriend, it might be best for you to break up with her and take some time to figure out how you feel. Remember, it's okay to like more than one gender, too!

But yeah, it might be that you need some time for self-reflection and that's totally okay and valid. Be kind to yourself, all of this is okay <3

___________________

W Anon

Hey cas

Here to vent ig? Completely new and original of me, I know.

I'm scared. About everything that's going on right now. I'm safe, I guess, cause I'm white and ostensibly straight, but I'm also a girl so maybe not so much. But I'm still scared. And angry. I'm an adult now but I wasn't back when the election happened and it feels like my future was stolen right out of my hands and I couldn't do anything about it. I'm scared for other people. Things are changing and it feels very unfixable. And there's all this bad stuff happening. And I guess I do feel a little guilty in a way, because even though I'm young and one person can't change anything and all of that, I've definitely made some choices out of fear or comfort. (Not speaking up as much as I should or not cutting off deeply bigoted friends... the like) That other people might not have the freedom to make those choices now, you know? I live in a deeply red state (tho honestly by the statics of it, in any given group of ten in my county, you have 5 who didn't vote, 2 who voted for trump, 2 for Harris, and one who voted independent, or around that. So it could have been worse? Which makes the whole thing seem stupider yk). And you hear about like people who went along with like what the nazis did and I don't want to be that! It contradicts my religious beliefs and my moral compass. But I don't really know what to do. So yeah, scared angry and guilty. And lost. This is terrible for my mental health.

Oh and I got my first college rejection yesterday. Kinda grieving a bit about that, but only to myself because I don't want my parents to know I care. It was where my dad went to school, ironically enough.

Do you listen to sad music when you're sad? I do. Or like happy music to try and change that? Idk

I hope you're well. Thanks for all you do for people. ✨️ stay cool ✨️

-W

Hi <3 I think all of what you are feeling right now is so normal and valid, and a lot of people are feeling the same way. I think the thing is, the fact that you are scared shows that you'll never be completely complacent. Just keep questioning things, you know? It's okay to make decisions to protect yourself when you're at risk, but it also is necessary sometimes to protect other people. And it's okay to make mistakes sometimes about knowing the difference. We're all human, and learning to navigate this together <3

I'm so sorry about your college rejection. I hope you get accepted to a school soon! And I tend to listen to sad music when I'm sad.

_________________

Tile Anon

Hi <3

I think the question is, IS there anything you can do? It might be that there isn't, and as horrible as it is, you have to let this go, you know? I know you want things to be the way they used to be, but it sounds like they aren't even when things are okay. It might be that you need to focus your energy on healthier relationships.

___________________

Angry Anon

Hi, sorry don't mean to bother but do you have some safer ways to calm down from being angry?

I'm dealing with an unhealthy household. I get shouted at for 'existing wrong', 'damaging everything in the house' (the furniture survived three generations before me) and even for talking to anyone. I can't leave the house unless it's for an errand, neither can sleep because I get woken up two to three times a night. every. single. day. for around two months now. I cannot sleep in the morning either because how dare I. I'm taking care of my grandma and a younger sibling and I don't wanna lash out on anyone or anything but I'm sick of things. I was meant to go to college this year but I don't think they'd let me.

I was interrupted around five times to do stuff just when writing this ahh. Sorry for venting a bit. Do you have any advice :(

Hi <3

First of all, I'm so sorry about your situation. I'm assuming moving out isn't an option?

But as far as getting anger out- I think it's a mixture of getting the mental and physical energy out. Physically, you can punch pillows, crumple and throw paper, go for walks, scream into a pillow. Mentally, you can write angry letters and not send them, vent to friends (or in my inbox), draw, or go somewhere and rant.

Also....if rage rooms are a thing near you...they're fucking amazing.

Wishing you all the luck <3

[bitchy-peachy]

Followed some deity advice and now I feel myself with more energy and less pain.

They told me I was obviously dehydrated which caused weakness, stomach problems, pain, inflammation and fatigue. They told me I needed to take more than 32 ounces of water per day (which isn't even enough but was what I taking. They told me take TWICE as much) as well as drink coconut water (at least an additional 8 ounces).

I did that yesterday and even managed to clean up some stuff and move around late last night (after midnight. That damned insomnia came back and filled me with energy.) Felt no nausea or stomach aches.

I was also told to avoid fried foods and to add more fruit and fiber in my diet. I've done that and now my stomach isn't as upset after every meal like before.

I also have to avoid potatoes and rice. My family swears that rice cause no issues but ever since I took rice out of my diet a couple of days agon along with potatoes and overly salty foods my symptoms lessened considerably.

Still am weak as shit though. I have a lot of altar dust which I plan to turn into black salt to eventually to put in a cleansing spray. I need to at least energy cleanse my floors with some cleaning concoctions (cinnamon purification helps a bit. I also use witchhazel to wipe down surfaces).

But I'm still not in a good enough state to do all that right now and they thankfully understand and I was told so. To not worry too much cos also stressing and letting my blood pressure rise sadly helped contribute to my inflammation and that causes me even more body pains.

So to fellow witches out there, don't fear asking your deities for guidance even during extreme illness. I made that mistake because I didn't want to overstep but it turns out they're always ready to help especially if you can channel them to hear them as clearly as any person.

I mentioned this before in my witchy blog cos I made a mistake of never asking for help either from deities or actual people. (My family hates that I don't ask for help 90% of the time. I actually hate asking for help 😭. I don't like burdening others. Its embarrassing and I don't want to annoy my closest ones. Ugh.)

[a-friendly-fangirl]

Random thoughts on We're in Love (or "Your average Italian girl has had an awful week and Boygenius' love saves her ass again"):

So, I've been listening to the Boys and to their solo stuff the whole week (for the past 5 months, to be honest... but who's counting?) and I've been going crazy lately for the beauty of We're in Love.

I think we can all acknowledge that that song is one of the greatest songs in "The Record" and one of the best ever written. And then I started bawling, when my mind got stuck on its lyrics and realised just how heartbreaking and beautiful it is.

This will be kind of my personal analysis (also inspired by some suggestions here and there... thank you to all the geniuses around that have noticed certain things. I wish I could write down all your names, but my memory is awful), so if you disagree with it or feel the need to add something, do it. I'd be happy to meet more Boygenius fans!

Ok, I'd like to begin with the third and fourth line of the first verse, where Lucy sings: "I don't need the symbol of a scar/ So put down the knife, we're not swapping blood". And yet, in "The film", Julien still takes a blood oath with the young versions of Lucy and Phoebe. I think that this was such an interesting choice to make, considering the difference between the words and the actions. This actually makes sense though, when underlining that 20$ is Julien's song and these words belong to Lucy.

Julien, as her solo albums readily witness, has no real problem with hurting herself ('Cause I'm so good at hurting myself - Brittle Boned) both physically and psychologically. We also know, from 20$, that she does believe in being connected to Phoebe and Lucy in every universe or life (In another life we were arsonists). Lucy does too with them (And I told you of your past lives; In the next one [life], will you find me? - We're in Love). Same goes for Phoebe, even though it's a little more subtle with her. In fact, more than believing in other lives, she seems to believe in changing herself in the present life, so much that, even though Emily I'm Sorry is her song, she has decided to sing it with her best friends, because, maybe, she'd rather be someone that can be loved by them in particular and not someone only Emily "could want".

To better understand the scar line/imagery, I think it important to notice that Julien doesn't take the blood oath with her adult friends but with their younger selves. In my opinion, it's like a machine has brought them in Julien's universe or timeline to help her get out of her home, which, listening to her music, is a synonym of recovery or at least of a better state of mind (in Go Home and Please Stay, it is quite clear: "I wanna go home, I'm sick", while in Graceland Too she finally gets out once she's feeling better). But, not belonging there (and we know they don't thanks to Julien's surprised expression when she sees little Phoebe), pehaps she's afraid that she'll lose them once they're done with the car, therefore asking them to do that oath. Childhood scars never fully leave us, so Julien might be convinced that it'll help adult Phoebe and Lucy to remember her, once they meet as intended or hoped.

When you think about it, the layers here are so many that it's scary. Scars have always at least a touch of negativity, even when you get them for something not negative per se (I have so many scars I got from running around as a child...), because they always follow pain. Julien and Phoebe have dealt with it their whole life and have actively put themselves through it more than once, so of course Julien chooses to use a knife (which also brings us back again to Please Stay: "The hunting knife you kept by your bed". I don't think the mention in We're in Love is a coincidence) against herself if it means being sure Phoebe and Lucy know it's her. But Lucy stops her for two main reasons:

Julien won't have to wait for them to find her, because she and Phoebe will, according to Lucy, be the ones going to her, if they want to (Will you find me?);

Instead of remembering each other through something painful, they could use the happy and positive memories they've shared in this life. Lucy once again wants to do everything in her power to dismantle her friends' self-destructive tendencies and replace them with something good (even the "happy" in Letter to an Old Poet was her suggestion).

Moving on to the next lines (Isn't it enough that we stripped down to our skin?/ Cold and porcelain like bathers in a painting), the beauty of this specific portrait delivered by Lucy kind of proves the point just made. Saying that the skin is "cold" and "porcelain" delivers a poetic image of extreme fragility that could be both literal or figurative and it shows just how much they trust each other. What Lucy appears to be pointing out is that she doesn't need any more pain to believe they're in love with each other, since they've already done the great sacrifice of showing themselves when they were most vulnerable (something they're still learning to do, according to recent interviews).

In Lucy's specific case (And I told you of your past lives, every man you've ever been/ It wasn't flattering, but you listened like it mattered), I'd go as far as to think that she did that by letting Phoebe and Julien listen to the stories of her past friendships or even relationships, telling them whom she had had by her side before them. She sings that that tale wasn't flattering: why? If I had to express myself on that, I'd guess, by her albums, that, just like any other human being, even Lucy has had a lot of troubled bonds with people she might have wrongly thought were as true and loyal to her as the Boys are now (take Strange Torpedo, Nonbeliever or Brando as examples). My personal take on this part is that she hasn't tried to tell Phoebe and Julien who they've been in the past, but to confess them who had had their roles in her life previously, feeling perhaps embarassed by it. But they're in no way bored or mad at her for that, listening, however, "like it mattered" (quoting True Blue: "It doesn't matter anymore", 'cause they're together now, but it is still important to her that they are paying attention to this part of her story).

She also admits being open to them about her own insecurities, especially the fear of being or seeming crazy (I feel crazy in ways I never say/ Will you still love me if it turns out I'm insane?/ I know what you'll say, but it helps to hear you say it anyway), making herself vulnerable by exposing this side of her she usually keeps hidden in hope of being reassured by them, which they've probably done a thousand times already.

Long story short, coming to the end of the first chorus: Lucy loves and values them for the trust they've put in each other and no scar will ever match that feeling. I have a lot more to say about the rest of the song, but this is mostly me ranting about it, so I'll see how it goes. Sorry for all of this :P

[godfrey-the-chaos-duck]

this just in: Irish loser is Sad™ because all my friends can go and do shit but not me apparently

Vent under the cut, I'm really sorry about this but I have to get it off my chest (it's nothing too serious but it is kinda long)

I'm eighteen. I've voted twice. I've finished secondary school. People my age are planning holidays and going to college and moving out and actually living life, and I feel like I'm falling behind so so much.

I don't have a bank account. I don't have a passport or any form of photo ID with a date of birth. I don't even have (or want!) a driver's licence, I will circle back to that later though.

My parents (particularly my mom) keep saying they'll help me get set up with all the above but because Mom's busy with work and Dad's really forgetful, it never gets done.

It's gotten to a point where I don't actually see a point in getting these things set up, for the following reasons:

I haven't had my name legally changed yet so everything would be set up under my deadname. Which. Fuck that.

For a bank account to make sense I would need money and I live in literally the textbook definition of "rural ass farming town" so the only jobs around that don't need experience are working in the supermarket or food service. I would, and I'm not exaggerating here, rather launch myself into a black hole than do those jobs because I've heard from my neurotypical peers how hard they are so I can only imagine how awful it would be for someone with autism like myself. My only other option is to try and get unemployment benefits but like. What would I even be spending the money on? Certainly not a house (the housing market in Ireland is literally impossible) and not a holiday either.

For a passport to make sense I would need to be able to travel, and quite aside from the No Money thing (see above) I've been fucked over by fate yet again because Mom doesn't trust me to go places on my own. She's only quite recently started letting me take the bus to a town half an hour away with friends. I don't even see the use in asking her to go on a train/plane/ferry unaccompanied because I know for a fact she'd say no. She'd say something along the lines of "we should do this together a few times first" which, understandable, but then she's so tired from work and busy with housework on the weekends that that never ends up coming to fruition. Add to that my crippling anxiety, catastrophic thinking and fear of the unknown, and I have basically conditioned myself into thinking I can never go anywhere more than a half hour's drive away without a parent.

I do not want to learn to drive. My dad keeps telling me I should because it would give me freedom, except no it wouldn't. It's not like I could use his car because he needs to go places too, and I could probably never afford my own car cause that shit is expensive as hell to run and maintain, so I really see no sense in learning. Also, I have the navigational skills of a teaspoon, so I would be basically guaranteed to get lost.

All of this has come to a point where I'm super hesitant to ask for anything because I know that either my parents will outright say no, or I'll end up chickening out because they'll remind me there's probably something I haven't thought of. (Mind, they don't often fully explain what)

And this was fine a few years ago when I had no friends and couldn't see how people actually lived their lives, but as my friends are all telling me about things they plan to do, I guess I'm having a lot of realisations.

The first time a classmate of mine said she was going on a holiday independently with some friends of hers, my first immediate thought was, "Do her parents just not care?" This would've been a little over two years ago, when I and all my class were around 16.

Now, though, I'm realising that teens going places on their own is actually NORMAL and that, big surprise, I'm once again the weird one. I told Mom about this and her response was "there's no right speed to do life at" which is right, you shouldn't do things if you don't feel ready to do them, but I don't know, something about this whole situation feels kinda wrong to me.

Here's the thing that's made me emotional today though.

The big Pride festival in Ireland is on June 29th. I wanted to go last year with my friends but Mom said no because it would be "too crowded" and "what if something goes wrong and I can't be there for you" and all that. And the worst part? She's right. It would have been very overwhelming.

Anyway this year, my friends aren't going, so even if by some miracle Mom's answer was going to change, I would feel awkward not being able to go with anyone I knew. So I'm not even gonna ask.

The way I see it, I can't move on with my life in any way as it stands. I can't release music, or publish books, or sign up to act in anything, until I get my name changed, because I do not want to be renowned under my deadname.

But I also feel like I can't change my name until I move out. My parents say they need to know where I am all the time, to the point where I once had an outing with a group of friends interrupted by a call from my father because I had left with the group from the coffee shop he'd dropped me off at, to a different shop somewhere else, two minutes' walk away.

I don't know. I feel like I have no freedom or independence and I'm genuinely unsure whether this is normal for people my age, or if it's an autism thing, or if my parents (again, particularly my mother) are being weird.

Basically what I'm wondering is

Is it healthy to be in this situation? And if not, how can I get out of it?

Again, I'm really really sorry about this, I know I don't usually get all personal on here but just. I feel weird about this and need some advice or at the very least a virtual shoulder to cry on

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: hey, 18f. just here for some general advice (?) regarding post-high school life and transitioning into uni in a foreign country. if type is relevant for what i'm asking for, i can't provide much at the moment so feel free to tell me if you do need a type, i'll come back to you later with more information at hand. but if it helps, i could share why i haven't pinpointed what my type is yet (and these reasons may be relevant to how i behave in my current situation).

my childhood trauma remains to be unresolved, i'm definitely seeking therapy once i leave my parent's house. my mum has been the main cause of my trauma so i guess you could call her the abuser but that's a lot… that makes it seem as if she's a monster. but i suppose abuse perpetuator and monster doesn't have to be equivalent. and maybe i'm just having a hard time accepting i was abused. anyway my uni has some free counselling services so i'll make use of that and then get therapy if possible. although, my mum has been much better in terms of emotional negligence and corporal punishments. she was much more educated on healthy parenting after i'm around 12 to 13. but that doesn't change the fact i'm still mentally traumatised. it seems like she moved on but, for me, it is so so sooo hard to make sense of things.

i'm generally quite sheltered by my family as well because the country (third-world) we live in isn't the safest which also resulted in how we don't get to interact with much strangers or new people to bring some element of surprise into our lives. this also means i'm not aware of the different dynamics out there in society or much about myself because i'm not certain how i actually respond to new situations or certain types of people.

to be a little more specific, i'll write how i see my mental health state in a timeline format:

0-12 i'm busy dealing with a mum who has a bad temper, would hit me and invalidate my emotions. i don't have much specific memories but i suppose this is my impression of my childhood.

12-16 things has gotten much better i home but i don't actually feel safe, i still flinch after my mum loses her temper and is insanely concerned of any conflict (e.g. if she and my dad quarrels, it may snowball into a problem involving me and my sibling because she's in a bad mood so somehow anything she choose to do is justified) and then covid happened, my mental health was probably the lowest here, i thought about suicide, i just wanted everything to end and also maybe have my feelings validated for once. additionally, this was the time i probably spent a lot of time dwelling on my racial identity. i come from a background of two cultures/countries and i've been the only kid of such a background in school (aside from my sibling, of course) so i felt quite lonely and couldn't find someone who i could figure this out with. plus my parents, especially my mum, didn't even take the effort to learn my dad's language so i'm just like eh, who are you to pressure us to balance both languages? but, obviously, i managed to balance those two languages along with english very well because i do care about my cultural heritages. though, sometimes, i do wonder if i've made my identity too much about being biracial… i've come to terms with this much better though, i can accept both sides of me well despite my mum's opinions. oh and did i mention how my mum also liked to check my phone? yeah, so she does that and i liked to read smut. i knew i wasn't supposed to read them at that age so i was worried and felt so uptight all the time. oh well. but then she always tells me she respects my privacy so she doesn't read my journals and i know she doesn't, she genuinely respects my privacy in that regard. i think there's more stuff she's done but i can't recall right now. oh. so she has some, in my opinion, dramatic reactions or overreactions to something insanely small, again in my opinion. like if i sneeze or show symptoms of being sick or just losing my phone or if she loses her phone. with the sickness thing, i sort of get it. as a child i didn't have the strongest immune system so i got sick more than the average child so that was a lot of work for her so i guess that justifies her reactions? but i get so scared, every. single. time. and with the phone thing, i know she's very concerned about her personal data being out there and maybe because she went through more than a decade ago that related to having gangs terrorising her family. but as a child, it triggers my fawn mode and i seem to normalise this sort of behaviour from her as time goes on as in i think this is how i should react? how i should panic when something concerning happens to me instead of calmly finding a solution instead? although, as i've grown older, i tell myself to breath and slow down when i see that she panics and as a result trigger me.

16-18, i'm still building myself up from what happened nearly my whole life. i took the time for self-help books, some philosophy and psychology so i have a better idea of how to get out of the old thought process of younger me. i do have to say i'm doing much better. and i'm happy to share last night i cried many, many happy tears, because i realised i was free. as in free from abuse and emotional terrors. and truly free because i'm an adult so i can take of my wellbeing and leave completely if i ever need to take that step to feel truly safe. at this moment, i also figured out why i cried for this specific for a romantasy book (blood and ash by jennifer armentrout) i read at 15/16, the female lead was essentially monitored her whole life which she believed was for her safety but as she had a taste of freedom with the male lead, she realised her whole life has been a lie. and one night, when the male lead was away and she was not guarded by anyone, not even the male lead's guards, and the door was open, she pushed it lightly and she realised she was truly, truly free, she could run, she could do whatever she wanted, she didn't even have to stay with the male lead. and i bawled at this part. i think teen me wanted this feeling so i empathised with her greatly and last night, upon realising i had what she had, i cried too. like, yes, i'm actually free!

wew, seems like i wrote quite a bit for the reasons sections. well, i wouldn't mind any second perspective on thoughts or advice if my thinking process or judgement seems limited.

now onto the stuff i initially wanted some advice on.

for context, i am currently on a gap year, uni starts in a few months for me. but with all the free time i'm getting, it's getting boring. i find my life to be so stagnant, like i can't do anything. but, technically, i also can. so maybe i'm choosing to not engage with the possibilities…?

i know i have access to a lot of things to add some spark to my life. i can read books, watch shows, etc. i also have access to a range of art materials, watercolour sets, drawing tablet, origami paper, piano, you name it. i haven't been using the piano, though. i don't really like playing with my parents in earshot. i know they're trying to be supportive and all that… like my dad comes around and dance and tap on the keys for fun when i'm figuring out the music sheet. my mum would compliment me from time to time. but i really just want to be alone, alone with my feelings specifically. when they can hear me playing, it's as if my emotions are on display or as if whatever i write in my diary is for eyes of the public which i do not appreciate.

we also have some exercising equipment at home but i don't like using them, it's boring to run in the same spot for hours on end per week. i did try running on there for like ten days, i'd say. but it was mainly because i liked seeing how many calories i burnt on my watch and meet weekly exercise targets.

but i want more options, i want to go out more whilst also feeling safe doing so. i want to go for a walk in my neighbourhood at 05:30 or 18:00 when it's dark and feel safe enough to have earphones on or have shorts on in this humid and hot weather i'm in.

i want to explore the city, go on an city adventure and walk on the streets without concern of being sexually harassed or robbed.

i know these latter two could be achieved once i start uni because the country i'm going to is much safer so i'll definitely make use of all the resources i can. whether it be to paint in parks, go on morning runs or sign myself up to a rock climbing club.

i mean i do spend my time now to get myself ready for uni: course enrolment, course planning, dorm stuff, packing and organising, planning for orientation week, learning about the city, etc. i also set aside for psych stuff, currently really focused on type theory hence why i'm here. though, i suppose i could take some online courses on excel or something… or learn knitting… but that's still at home, sigh. i'm picking up maths recently the past few days as revision and also so i could have maths tutoring as a side hustle.

i'm also in the process of getting back into proper routine of sleeping and waking on time. my mum says i've lost my typical routine when school was still a thing, she says the busier my life is, the better scheduled my day was. not sure why i'm like that but it is true. though, i have been doing a lot of self-introspection and figuring out what i want to get out of my uni life so i wouldn't say my time has been unproductive.

with all that said, i would appreciate some of your thoughts and opinions on how i could deal with this feeling of stagnation and just lack of newness or movement forward in my life despite my current living circumstance? oh and speaking of stagnation, i suppose i have to say, most or if not all of my classmates are in college now, leaving only me still study-less so perhaps some part of me feel behind and left out, hm. but, i do have to confirm, a bigger part of me wants to deal with the stagnation.

thank you so much for your time, mbti-notes.

---------------------

Your question is difficult to respond to, not because it's especially complicated, but because the notion of "possibility" is really quite vast. I would indeed tell you to explore more possibilities, but I can't really provide detailed suggestions when I don't know the exact circumstances of where you live and what is/isn't feasible (with regard to safety). You're going to have to explore your environment a bit and check out what is available to you.

There's only one point that sticks out at me in response to the possibilities you've already put forth. I noticed that they are mainly solitary activities for skill building or general enjoyment. Solitary activities aren't going to remove that feeling of being "sheltered", in fact, they might even exacerbate feelings of boredom or isolation.

Human beings need social stimulation and warm companionship in order to feel that life is full and meaningful. Oftentimes, other people provide inspiration and catalyst to move forward in new ways. I'm guessing this is the missing ingredient in your brainstorming?

I don't know how the need to socialize would translate into your particular circumstances, though. Online socializing isn't good enough. Surely, there is some other relatively safe place you could spend time in other than your own home? Normally, I'd suggest things like volunteer for a good cause, get a part-time job, or join a club. To build skills, do so with others, by taking group classes that allow you to meet new people. If there are any opportunities like this available to you, take advantage of them.

[violetjedisylveon]

It is Disability Pride Month!

I would suggest using the opportunity to learn more about all the different disabilities and how they impact the lives of people with them, and how that struggle is made worse by ablism in our society.

Take the chance to learn from actual disabled people, talk to us and hear our stories, listen to us when we tell you how to help us and make our society more functional and accessible.

Learn about disabled history, about the crimes and injustices done to disabled people. Look up disabilty holocaust and you will get a bunch of articles on what the nazis did to disabled people. It's depressing, but important to learn.

Disability isn't a bad word, it's an accurate description unlike calling someone differently abled. They aren't the same. Disability = not abled, like not able to walk because you are a leg amputee, not being able to do things like everyone else because you have no executive function capabilities. Differently abled = something like left handed, you are still fully abled, you just do it differently but you do it without any aid or tools.

My friend @poeticallydisgraced gave that example when our school put up a sign about recognizing differently abled students. And I think that fits the situation very well.

If you're curious, I've given a bit of a description of my experience under the cut.

Happy disability pride month!

I am nuerodivergent, Audhd, I have autism and Adhd. I also have chronic health issues with severe allergies and I get some bad migraines. I have hearing issues too but wouldn't call myself hard of hearing, it's more of a disconnect between what's said and what I hear. Makes for some entertaining conversations.

I tend to get over stimulated in social settings, too much noise and too many people really mess with me, light and sound trigger my migraines which can last for days, which is never fun.

I have no social awareness, and can't tell the difference between teasing and bullying, the line is super blurred/non existent for me.

This causes a lot of problems, because when people make those jokes and tease me, I don't get it, and to me it's rude and mean, but it also goes the other way cause when I joke I cross a line I can't see, and then everyone gets mad at me even though I'm doing the same thing as them.

I technically have a minor hearing loss in my left ear from a surgery as a child, but I had started having those hearing issues during the phase of development where you learn to speak, so my understanding of language is a bit skewed and I frequently hear things wrong, or don't hear the words said and have to ask for people to repeat it.

My family is starting to get annoyed and won't repeat anything but it's not like I'm choosing to do it, and it is very frustrating when they refuse to repeat it.

All these things leave me feeling a little isolated from my family and people around me.

I am expected to change and be someone else that is more acceptable to nuerotypical society, I jump through hoops and put on an act to appear less different, I've always been singled out as weird and other, and while no one has bullied me, at least that I was aware of, I got left behind by my peers.

The constant masking and acting like something I am not is exhausting, after a week of school I am fully drained of my energy and ability to put on that act.

My mom has gotten upset that I don't act the way I do at school at home, but I shouldn't have to act like a different person with my family.

I am not ashamed to be nuerodiverse and disabled, no one should be shamed or looked down on for something they can't control. A lot still needs to be done to make our society accessible to everyone, the current disability protection and aid laws are insufficient and full of loopholes that allow for disabled people to be ignored.

Have fun learning!

Happy disability pride month!

[bellamyblake]

do you ever think of Bellarke and be all salty and bitter because you know they're suppose to be together? Always. as for bellamy week, i don't know if i am up to it because if i were, it means putting myself through it again by rewatching cause I need to rewatch before making anything. I had no problems going through it the last 5 gifsets this year. I just cry through the gifmaking process. dont' mind december but maybe january? i need to think about it.

Hey! Thanks so much for sending this ask! I absolutely love your gifs!

And yes, I do think about them and feel Idk mostly sad if that's the right feeling to describe it. I'll be honest, I was and am a big bellarke shipper, I love writing them, have always absolutely enjoyed their scenes but I think I was realistic when it came to them not happening. I guess I just didn't really believe it'd work out because of the other side of the fandom, because of J.ason, so I believe I had accepted it a long time before it actually ended. Does it piss me off? Of course. I think I didn't want to watch them be this big romantic couple say o.licity or anything else we actually saw happen in the time when shows were shows and not 5 episodes things. I guess I just expected them to give me a glimpse of what they could be-them being together, kissing, hugging and holding hands, the show ending. That's what I imagined, I suppose.

I've been thinking about it the past week (cause I'm rewatching older shows where some of the main couples do get together) and I've been thinking that in a way I'm also NOT sorry it didn't happen. I'm not sure Jason would've handled it well and I've loved what I've seen on screen, I know what it means and to me it doesn't necessarily have to be a romantic relationship for it to be something. That's just me and I guess that's why I survived this fandom in a way, because I never expected it and because it was enough for me. I recently read this book 'Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow' that talks exactly about that type of relationship, the one that transcends romance. That doesn't mean there is no romance but it means also so much more and I think of Bellarke that way, I always have.

I also really didn't think J.ason would've done it properly, so imo it's better this way.

I opt not to focus on the bad stuff. Of course I understand what you mean and how hard it is, for me it's hard too sometimes, I get angry, I tell myself 'couldn't there have been at least one kiss?' but I just opt to choose to love them as they are and create for them and write for them and that just overpowers the bad stuff. I see no point in focusing on the awful things. I know so many of us left because they couldn't handle the ending, I can't handle it either, it's awful but there's this other, bigger part of me that just loves them as them and somehow that's greater and can't be tained. Of course I understand everyone for whom this is hard and just want to forget it though. Life's tough enough that when you meet things like d.eath in shows it just breaks you even more.

As far as Bellamy week, I've decided I'll leave it for january because my december will be really busy with work and it seems so for the rest of the folks.I feel a little bad that I'm gonna skip a year but it has been a really awful year for me mentally and I know I should've done it earlier, I just never actually sat down to do it.

I'd love for you to participate, I really do love and admire your gifs (they're always so clear and well-colored in a way I can never make them!) I will hope to see you participate. In terms of rewatching, I actually do randomly rewatch when I start gifing, like if I choose a particular episode, I end up watching more than half of it if not all. I'm here if I can help your process somehow and make it better for you! <3

[yoiku]

Looks like I really have my pondering cap on today so i'm just gonna ramble some more

Since i got diagnosed with AuDHD a few years back, it's been really interesting thinking back on so many different things and having a new angle to examine it all from. There's been stuff that i could even say has felt cathartic in the sense of being able to be kinder to myself about some things after over 30 years of causing myself needless suffering. But also a lot of stuff that I have realised I really need to improve on and either haven't understood or even noticed before. Now that I'm learning about the toolset I've been setup with and have a better understanding of how to operate, maybe the improvement is finally possible. I've always really struggled with asking for help mostly because I was raised to be independent through both useful(actual skills) and harmful(mindset&left on my own way too much) means. The whole "don't ask other people to solve your problems/don't bother people with something that doesn't involve them" mantra i got repeated at as a kid, over time evolved into feeling really proud of being so independent. Nothing wrong with that in itself I think, but at some point it starts to be harmful. It can make you become distant while it feels more like selflessness, esp when you're always ready to offer help but never accept any. And somewhere in the back of your mind there's a bit of that "I'm better because I don't need to ask for help" -attitude brewing as well. All the while I could've seriously used some help on a good variety of things. But no, I felt like I had to figure it out on my own even if it was something that you actually need at least another pair of hands for. Now it feels a bit easier because I feel like I can start with "hey i kinda struggle with these things in general so I could use some assistance" or just straight up say that "uhhh sorry but i didn't understand that" instead of pretending that I did out of shame for not knowing everything i'm ever talked to about. Still difficult things to shake off often because its what i've done most of my life. I also still really struggle with being helped/instructed when I've not asked for any of it, I can get really annoyed really fast with that. I feel like I need to fucking go for a full meditation mode for a while to remind myself time and time again that people are usually just trying to be genuinely helpful because they want to. Funny how I remember that while i'm doing the same myself, but when it's being aimed at me, suddenly it's all upside down, huh. Stuff like this I've really started to see way better after i got diagnosed. Knowing that the wrinkly blob residing in my bone-dome is actually wired differently really allowed me to have a new perspective on stuff. It isn't a free ticket to be an ass or ignorant etc. But if you don't know how it can effect you, it's not surprising if you struggle so much more in so many ways and end up needlessly suffering. So when you become(sometimes painfully) aware of these things you understand your own and sometimes the behaviours of others better. Doesn't happen overnight for sure though. (The depression I've had accumulating since my teens definitely has had a negative effect on a lot of these things too making everything even more difficult.) Then there are the fun little things that suddenly start to make a lot more sense, like being told all of these things repeatedly: - You always seem disinterested in everything/ you're not at all excitable - You sound bored / monotone - You're always pouting / you always look uninviting / you should try smiling sometime ^u^ - You're so quiet / you never seem to have anything to say - You daydream/ space out too much - Stop bouncing your leg, tapping things, fiddling, biting/chewing things - Stop making weird noises - You do [thing] in such overly complicated/weird way - You forget so much stuff but remember the weirdest details about anything

Forever annoyed about people telling me how I look the way I do though, because bitch that's literally just how my face is. The corners of my mouth have never really curved upwards so matter how big of a smile i'm pulling. My neutral face really just looks like :( and when i'm smiling it's more like :I Maybe try looking for the smile in my eyes sometime. And hey, getting older is making everything sag and droop even more, so i'll keep getting more and more pouty with time! I'll become the most pissed off looking fossil there ever was.

[daisymae-12]

20 questions for fic writers

thanks for the tag @kiwiana-writes ❤️❤️❤️

I wasn't going to do this because a silly part of me was feeling some imposter syndrome - mostly because I haven't published a fic for RWRB yet, and that makes me feel like I'm not a 'real' fic writer (yes silly I know) 🙃 reminded myself that I have published stuff on ffn/ao3 before even though it was 6+ years ago 😅 ANYWAY filled this out so I can look back in a year or so and see what's changed 🌞

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

5 on my old AO3 account that I pretend doesn't exist 😂 1 on my new AO3 (though it's just a fic where I dump my drabbles)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

48k

3. What fandoms do you write for?

only RWRB now

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

lmao not going specifically name them because these days I like to pretend all my old fics don't exist but my fic with the most kudos (354) is a soulmate fic 😌

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Mostly! (I've tried to respond to all of them but I'm always fighting the procrastination monster)

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? 7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Confession for these two questions - I've never actually finished writing a fic 💀 but! I don't think I could ever write an angsty ending - I need a happy ending 😂 I'm going to finish a fic one day, I swear (hilariously I think the first fic I'll ever finish will be the Vampire Henry fic at this rate LOL)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Thankfully no

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I've always planned to but I've never actually reached that part 💀 (see above confession about never having finished a fic lol)

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Nope! Don't think it would be something I would do in the future either.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No and I don't think anyone would want to steal any of my half finished fics LOL

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Alex/Henry 🥺

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Ahh all the unfinished fics on my old AO3 account. Sometimes I still get comments on that soulmate fic asking if I'm ever going to update and while I'd love to finish it, I'm in a different headspace now from when I started it (10 years ago!)

16. What are your writing strengths?

Let me see if I've got an answer for this in a year because right now I genuinely don't know 😅

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Does being a slow writer count? Never finishing a fic? I'm working on it 😅 I have 6 (whoops) WIP's right now and there's two that are SO CLOSE to being done - I've just got to keep fighting my easily distracted brain 🥲 The day I finish writing a fic, I'll genuinely cry and probably buy myself a cake to celebrate 😂

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I'd like to? I do love reading fics that include Spanish dialogue. But my second language (Tagalog) is kinda useless for this? 😂 You'd think it'd be helpful cause it uses a lot of Spanish words/phrases, but it's too much of a different language overall to be of any use. (lol I'll read fics with Spanish dialogue and randomly be amused when I recognize a word that's the same in Tagalog - "I know that word!!!")

19. First fandom you wrote for?

HP (hate what jkr has done to taint it tho 🙃)

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Since I've never finished a fic, my fave WIP's right now are my Fake Dating/College AU fic and my Vampire Henry fic 🥰

no pressure tags as always (sorry if you've already done this and I missed it 😅) @heybuddy-drabbles @affectionatelyrs @littlemisskittentoes @cultofsappho @happiness-of-the-pursuit @read-and-write- @14carrotghoul @inexplicablymine @suseagull04 +anyone who wants to do this

[seeingteacupsindragons]

hi, im the person whos sent you those rude asks trying to get a reaction, but after thinking about it, id like to apologise for my behaviour. i realise now how immature and ridiculous it was, and that i was just trying to get negative attention because i was bored and too miserable to be able to have any better form of interaction with anyone. but whatever immature reason, i know taking out my personal issues on a stranger i found mildy annoying is really bad behaviour and i shouldnt have done it. im really sorry if i caused any genuine offence when i criticised your writing of which i know nothing about, and im sorry for all those rude and immature and completely random asks i kept spamming you with just because i was bored. it wasnt personal or anything it was sort of random and i dont even know why i did it, it sounds nuts when i think about it. ill stop doing all this rubbish and leave you alone from now on, i wont even do it to anyone else. i just wanted to say that i recognise now that im in the wrong and was acting really rubbishly

Anon...

Honestly, it became apparent almost immediately that you were trying to goad me into giving you attention because you weren't getting any and you were likely jealous I have figured out how to get attention, and...honestly...

That made it easier to keep ignoring you. Because it was so incredibly apparent that what you were doing was entirely about you being upset and jealous and not having the emotional maturity to admit that or do anything productive about it. It wasn't interesting, or relevant to me.

I've never sent anonymous hate mail to anyone (or signed hate mail), but I definitely had a lot of very unstable years where I reacted very badly in social interactions and behaved honestly embarrassingly for the same reasons. You said that you find actually admitting things and liking attention is embarrassing...but I would rather be embarrassed by that than embarrassed about lying to myself.

It's social media! We all want interaction and attention!

But the thing is, making friends and getting attention is often rooted in being positive and loving and affectionate about things. I have so many followers on here because I talk about the things they love with ardent passion. I had a huge surge of followers recently for making a positivity post for original fiction writers encouraging people.

One of your first messages to me told me I don't respond to hate mail "normally" because I actually express genuine hurt when people are mean to me. But that is a normal human reaction. And you know that. I have always been a very open, genuine, and earnest person, so I cannot relate to wrapping yourself in hate, but I spent many years wrapped in anger and jealousy, and the thing that got me out of it was therapy.

Seriously. Therapy, and psychiatric medication. Because my personal brain chemistry means I need that.

And I encourage you to also seek out some kind of professional medical help, because you seem so genuinely miserable and directionless in your life that you need help finding a direction to pursue.

So I genuinely hope you do do that and it helps make you a happier person who hopefully doesn't go into social spaces intentionally poisoning things and making other people miserable because you are miserable. That's what you're doing right now.

But you can also choose to make social spaces more heartfelt and welcoming and warm and kind by adding that to the environment instead. It's a lot of work, sometimes, but it's worth it to me and to people in general.

And you did still hurt my feelings, even though I knew it had nothing to do with me. That's the cost of how you're behaving: you hurt people, and they don't like you very much or want to interact with you, and then you end up lonely and ignored because you're not acting like the kind of person anyone wants to pay attention to.

I'm glad my inbox will return to normal. I hope you find a great hobby that has absolutely nothing to do with me whatsoever.

[thegoldenshi-shi]

So, I have been busy making poor monetary choices again, in which I now own two different types of tablets specifically for art (ONE WAS VERY MUCH ON SALE, THE OTHER HAD A 50 BUCK COUPON, BOTH GOOD REVIEWS), and the first tablet I bought, that's honestly just a way of adding a touchscreen to a computer to me, cause like. It's a sensor pad? Well, it's proving that I can't mentally make myself apply a lot of pressure to technology, which my younger self with a ruined dsi touch screen would gape at. I have also gotten all my shelving units up! Not sure if they're staying where they are, or if I'm gonna move them around again, but I do know two that are staying where they are, mainly cause I am /not/ lifting that shelf all the way back up to chest level to take it back down again. Nuh uh, no ma'am, it will not be done. It's also gotten all my collectibles on it already, which has proven that I need to devote more of my budget to the Twins than Screamer. My frenemesis would be delighted to see my failure to my simpees.

Work has been better! Still hot, but we've slowed /way/ down, which means my supervisor has been letting me goof off on my phone or writing, cause we physically can't work too hard in the heat, but we also have no orders anyway, so... And because we've been able to get paid Not Working, I have gotten back into a werewolf story I started writing months ago! I'm setting it up one shot style rn, and posting the chapters as my brain accepts my pleading for their creation, but I also intend to make it a full and proper story once I've worked all the one shots out. I will openly admit to it being complete self service, cause I want a best friend who's 8 feet tall, fluffy, and has a crappy sense of humor. And is a cuddle monster, though that one is mainly cause I love glomming full force onto my people and displaying my awkward affection. I'm like a peacock, but instead of flaring tail feathers, I hug people in front of other people, whilst not actually really knowing socially accepted norms for hugging friends, tbh.

I also went through and completely reorganized my phones gallery, and got a very stupid laugh outta it. I have 461 transformers related pictures, and almost 400 writing prompts. Just. Saved on my phone. If I ever lose this sim card my writing career that i don't actually have will be over. On another other note semi related, I have been asked to design a friends tattoo! I don't know if I mentioned that in my last ask. He asked me to draw him a dragon to get tattooed, which, to be fair, dragons are among one of the very scant things I can draw well reliably, but also, dragon proportions curled into a ball sleeping are kicking my ass, and I am debating getting out my giant sketchpad to be able to completely control every tiny eetsy beetsy detail, cause my close friend wants me to do this thing that will permanently be on his body, and I really desperately don't wanna mess it up... Cause like. No one has ever asked me to ///draw/// for them before. I've gotten asked to paint, or do some small stuff with watercolors, but never /drawing/. And he knows I love dragons, it's part of why he asked. I just. It's a thing that happened that made me really happy, like hide in my pillow crying happy tears happy.

And then, on the fifth, I found an exactly 8 year old video of my childhood dog that we had to put down... it was from the summer before he was put down, which happened during the school year. He had been all that I'd had growing up, so, it hit kinda hard seeing something of him that moved. Even after 8 years, I still cry every time I think about him. He was the best dog any little kid could've ever been raised with, and probably helped boost my immune system against my allergies to boot, hehe. I cried for like, two hours, cause it was a video taken 7/5/2015. And, I thought I had lost all my images of him. It was a happy thing, just. A very sad type of happy. I wish I could tell him that I did love him, even if I didn't wanna lay on the ground and cuddle like he preferred. He was a dog that was born old, haha, never wanted to play or bark, he just wanted to lay on you and be loved. I was always running around on imaginary adventures though, but I did love him. If I was upset, he was my safe place. I promise this is a happy thing, it's just that I'm gonna be legally allowed to drink soon, and sometimes I forget that it's been so long since I got to see him. Especially cause sometimes, I still have dreams about playing with him in our backyard, right next to a giant pine tree covered in cicada sheds, laughing as he dug a little groove to lay in under the old rusted out trampoline. He was the most patient, tolerant dog, and it's because of him and the cat he raised with me that I'm not afraid of so much anymore. Ma and dad weren't there when we had him, but... I'll admit to giving them up forever if it meant I got to have him back

~Smooch

Hello there Smooch~

Sleeping babee dragon sounds so cute! I've never designed a tattoo, so I can only imagine the pressure (and of course the touching part of him asking you to draw his tattoo design).

Interestingly enough I too spent a loooong period of time where drawing was a dragon-only zone. I think it was back in like middle school? If you're struggling with a traditional four-legged two winged dragon, have you considered another type? There's Asian Lung dragons, Wyverns, Wyrms, or even a Quetzalcoatl style dragon that can all be very cool and might be easier for you to draw as a sleepy loaf. If your friend doesn't have a strong preference of course.

How exciting, on sale art supplies. It's kinda hard to decide sometimes between art supplies and if you're new to it, it's not a BAD idea to try multiple different types and/or brand names until you find what you like. I own two different art devices, one Wacom Intuos bought in High School and a Huion art monitor bought like four years ago. I was a traditional artist at the time I bought the Intuos tablet, so I quickly found that I prefer drawing on an actual screen I can look at instead of drawing on a tablet, BUT I had to try the tablet first to know that. What that all amounts up to is I hope you like one if not both of them ^J^ It's good to hear that your job is calming down. I'm sure that you're enjoying having the down time to work on your creative pursuits. At the risk of sounding too much like a hippie art teacher, I say it's very important to have some sort of creative outlet in your life. So it's wonderful to hear that you're getting to write on your werewolf story. I send you my best wishes that your muse stays nice and cooperative for the whole process hehe.

And lastly: The bittersweet memory of a good pet that has passed is something that I feel blessed to have as well. I hope that you can continue to enjoy your memories of a good animal without being bogged down in the sadness of their passing.

It's good to hear from you again Smooch, glad to hear you are doing well~

[swollenbabyfat]

What is your favourite step in making art?

Hmm! I like the whole process for the most part...I will talk a bit about what I like about them.

-A lot of times concepts for stories, or a piece of a story, come to me like lighting or something, but illustrations take a lot more of a thought process for me. I think a lot about symbolism for my pieces and tend to do research about the things I want to include- for instance, I love to use flower language. I'll look at my inspiration blog and sometimes Pinterest but my "visual library" has grown decently enough that I don't have to always do this now, but did a lot a couple of years ago! I make Pintrest boards for bigger pieces/projects sometimes and they're definitely handy for collaborative work!

-Thumbnailing is pretty straight forward, I do it a lot more now than I use to, and it's helped to improve my compositions a lot.

-Sketching is probably the most difficult step for me a lot of the time, but I still enjoy it a lot. Figuring out form is something I've been struggling a lot with recently, which means I need to do more studies and life drawing again typically. I'll grab visual references at this point as well to make sure anatomy looks good, etc.

-Linework/rendering is probably my favorite step...it's truly meditative to me! Especially with my more recent methods of doing it. It's definitely what takes me the longest out of all the steps, which can be trying on my patience sometimes but if I put on a good show or music I can be fine.

-Coloring is kind of second nature to me! I don't actually think about it that much all the time anymore, though I've been trying to challenge myself more lately (felt like I relied too heavily on using complimentary colors for ALL my pieces for a while..which isn't bad obviously but I felt I needed to add more breadth to my work.)

-Final effects feel I rush too often cause I'm like I'M DONE I'M DONE LET ME GET TO THE FINISH LINE kind of mindset! That being said it's nice to see a piece come to life and sometimes I kind of shock myself how the final will compare to the WIP/halfway point of the piece.

Yeah! Thank you for your ask!