#godfreyposting

[godfrey-the-chaos-duck]

Guys hypothetically if I was able to walk into a bookshop today and buy a copy of the Book Of Bill what should I wear? Cause it sure as hell isn't a black T shirt and green jeans LMAO

I wanna wear smth fancy but idk, I'll let you know how this all plays out

[godfrey-the-chaos-duck]

About to go and pick up my exam results, I am so nervous aaaaaa

[godfrey-the-chaos-duck]

HAPPY GRADUATION!!!

FUCK YEAAAAAAAAAAAA

🎓🧑‍🎓

And like. I don't need straight As for my acting course and I'm a "gifted kid" (but christ on a stick i hate that label) so I averaged at like 80 percent in most of my mock exams (failed physics but like. Fuck physics fr)

[godfrey-the-chaos-duck]

right I found an audiobook for Flatland (yes because of the book of bill WHAT OF IT) and I'm like. INVESTED. It's got this awesome social commentary thing going on, and I for one love it

[godfrey-the-chaos-duck]

one must imagine sisyphus painting a wall

[godfrey-the-chaos-duck]

Guys my first proper audition is in like an hour and a half wtf I'm so nervous

[godfrey-the-chaos-duck]

guys. what if - and this is a bit wild - what if I started being serious about making music.

And what if I started like. Actually releasing it.

What then hmm

[godfrey-the-chaos-duck]

this just in: Irish loser is Sad™ because all my friends can go and do shit but not me apparently

Vent under the cut, I'm really sorry about this but I have to get it off my chest (it's nothing too serious but it is kinda long)

I'm eighteen. I've voted twice. I've finished secondary school. People my age are planning holidays and going to college and moving out and actually living life, and I feel like I'm falling behind so so much.

I don't have a bank account. I don't have a passport or any form of photo ID with a date of birth. I don't even have (or want!) a driver's licence, I will circle back to that later though.

My parents (particularly my mom) keep saying they'll help me get set up with all the above but because Mom's busy with work and Dad's really forgetful, it never gets done.

It's gotten to a point where I don't actually see a point in getting these things set up, for the following reasons:

I haven't had my name legally changed yet so everything would be set up under my deadname. Which. Fuck that.

For a bank account to make sense I would need money and I live in literally the textbook definition of "rural ass farming town" so the only jobs around that don't need experience are working in the supermarket or food service. I would, and I'm not exaggerating here, rather launch myself into a black hole than do those jobs because I've heard from my neurotypical peers how hard they are so I can only imagine how awful it would be for someone with autism like myself. My only other option is to try and get unemployment benefits but like. What would I even be spending the money on? Certainly not a house (the housing market in Ireland is literally impossible) and not a holiday either.

For a passport to make sense I would need to be able to travel, and quite aside from the No Money thing (see above) I've been fucked over by fate yet again because Mom doesn't trust me to go places on my own. She's only quite recently started letting me take the bus to a town half an hour away with friends. I don't even see the use in asking her to go on a train/plane/ferry unaccompanied because I know for a fact she'd say no. She'd say something along the lines of "we should do this together a few times first" which, understandable, but then she's so tired from work and busy with housework on the weekends that that never ends up coming to fruition. Add to that my crippling anxiety, catastrophic thinking and fear of the unknown, and I have basically conditioned myself into thinking I can never go anywhere more than a half hour's drive away without a parent.

I do not want to learn to drive. My dad keeps telling me I should because it would give me freedom, except no it wouldn't. It's not like I could use his car because he needs to go places too, and I could probably never afford my own car cause that shit is expensive as hell to run and maintain, so I really see no sense in learning. Also, I have the navigational skills of a teaspoon, so I would be basically guaranteed to get lost.

All of this has come to a point where I'm super hesitant to ask for anything because I know that either my parents will outright say no, or I'll end up chickening out because they'll remind me there's probably something I haven't thought of. (Mind, they don't often fully explain what)

And this was fine a few years ago when I had no friends and couldn't see how people actually lived their lives, but as my friends are all telling me about things they plan to do, I guess I'm having a lot of realisations.

The first time a classmate of mine said she was going on a holiday independently with some friends of hers, my first immediate thought was, "Do her parents just not care?" This would've been a little over two years ago, when I and all my class were around 16.

Now, though, I'm realising that teens going places on their own is actually NORMAL and that, big surprise, I'm once again the weird one. I told Mom about this and her response was "there's no right speed to do life at" which is right, you shouldn't do things if you don't feel ready to do them, but I don't know, something about this whole situation feels kinda wrong to me.

Here's the thing that's made me emotional today though.

The big Pride festival in Ireland is on June 29th. I wanted to go last year with my friends but Mom said no because it would be "too crowded" and "what if something goes wrong and I can't be there for you" and all that. And the worst part? She's right. It would have been very overwhelming.

Anyway this year, my friends aren't going, so even if by some miracle Mom's answer was going to change, I would feel awkward not being able to go with anyone I knew. So I'm not even gonna ask.

The way I see it, I can't move on with my life in any way as it stands. I can't release music, or publish books, or sign up to act in anything, until I get my name changed, because I do not want to be renowned under my deadname.

But I also feel like I can't change my name until I move out. My parents say they need to know where I am all the time, to the point where I once had an outing with a group of friends interrupted by a call from my father because I had left with the group from the coffee shop he'd dropped me off at, to a different shop somewhere else, two minutes' walk away.

I don't know. I feel like I have no freedom or independence and I'm genuinely unsure whether this is normal for people my age, or if it's an autism thing, or if my parents (again, particularly my mother) are being weird.

Basically what I'm wondering is

Is it healthy to be in this situation? And if not, how can I get out of it?

Again, I'm really really sorry about this, I know I don't usually get all personal on here but just. I feel weird about this and need some advice or at the very least a virtual shoulder to cry on

[godfrey-the-chaos-duck]

Currently doing the most Irish thing ever: teaching myself The Rattlin Bog on tin whistle

(Oh also I just applied for my first ever honest to god audition - and if I get it it's a paid role so. Fuck yeah)

[godfrey-the-chaos-duck]

While you guys are getting ready to watch the fireworks I have a concert, I was at this music thing all week and then tomorrow I can rest

[godfrey-the-chaos-duck]

y'know, sometimes you have to just say "fuck it" and have leftover takeout for breakfast at 12:02 pm

[godfrey-the-chaos-duck]

Spent all day at a theme park with my gf and her family and went on ALL the rides, even the giant scary ass rollercoasters

[godfrey-the-chaos-duck]

You guys I had a rather eventful 36 hours

So. Context.

In Ireland there's been a recent movement to stagger the timings of Pride events so they don't only happen in June (cause then rural areas get left in the dust)

Which explains how I wound up at Pride in August, staying with a friend of mine.

It felt awesome, my family was in a holiday house not far away but I was freeeee (also I introduced my friend and their brother, who is now also my friend) to DuckTales 2017 and they both seem to love it

However, between all the walking, all the driving and all the socialising, I am now bloody exhausted pls send help and tea

I had great fun though

[godfrey-the-chaos-duck]

WOO, YOU'RE FREE, CONGRATS!!

Well, once exams are over I'm truly free BUT I DON'T HAVE TO DO CLASSES ANYMORE and honestly I don't need high ass grades for what I wanna do so I'm dropping the whole You Must Get Straight As Or It's Dishonour On You, Your Family And Your Cow thing I had going on for most of my life lol

So I'm studying a bit but not burning myself out

[godfrey-the-chaos-duck]

guys am i imagining it or did the format of Tumblr on mobile (web version, not the app) just change

Like. When you tag someone their url shows up blue now and the replies section looks completely different what the fuck happened this morning

[godfrey-the-chaos-duck]

welp the irish weather is certainly weathering today because guess whose power just went out

(me)