#-and mental illness so i havent been able to finish it so fuck it

[gemharvest]

Tjis looks dumb rn but I wanna share it anyways.

[This drawing I posted the other day] is the palette for this part btw.

[dullahandyke]

also sidenote i cant envision myself getting into things that are actively getting updates thats soooo fucking scary..... weekly new content ppl r gonna b talking abt ? that is intimidating

[thecherrygod]

If my dad doesn't stop saying that anything i say are excuses I'm gonna commit atrocities

[coastxlwaters]

So um- vent? a little confused as well

Tw: Yelling, meds, loss of vision, loss of appetite, fatigue, not in control of body, out of body experience? Mentions of mental and emotional abuse

So i take ADHD meds, and those usually make me less hungry/get rid of my appetite, i realized i was hungry and i was like “oh shit, i should eat“ and i go to the kitchen. I realize i need smth to eat soon from me barely being able to walk straight (also my brace was taken away, so its not like that unusual other than being concerning since it was worse) So im in the kitchen and im just like, ok, what do i want? I can snack on smth rq and be ok until dinner (30 mins away) and i go to open the fridge. I literally lose almost all of my balance and my vision just fucking disintegrated and i barely regained my balance in time. My mom walks in, she asks what im looking for. I told her im looking for a snack. And she just fucking loses it at me. I get fucking pissed and go back to my room, saying i wont come out for dinner. Its been like, an hour? My parents keep banging on the door (i locked it) yelling at me to come out for dinner. My typing is weird amd i feel like my brain is 5 seconds behind my body. But im starting to decompress a bit and i reized ive been fucking terrified the entire hour of sitting here. I havent been able to draw, barely able to think, and still like, barely being ablw to feel my body. But i know if i go back to the kitchen ill be yelled at and idk if i would be able to take that rn

I got off track, anyways, im starting to realize i was less angry and pissed when i went back to my room and more scared, cause i dont lock my doors, if i get in a fight imma finish it, and i literallycouldnt see while walking back to my room. The only times i have locked my door was like when i was 6-10 and thats from the emotional and mental abuse from my parents that made me so freaking scared of them. Im in the corner where i went if i was SCARED, and READING, reading was NOT a healthy way to decompress when i was scared so i stopped doing that earlier this year and instead did art to decompress. Im just confused on what happened to me i guess

[haven-gum-rockrose]

me doing the mental math of should i eat like oh its late and probably dinner time but oh thats hard to cook but also im gonna make instant ramen(safe food) because i have a bowl that lets me make it easy but also ill have to wash it(water based sensory issues) immediately after because i dont trust any dishes or utensils once my brother has 'washed' them but thats fine because its just one thing but also the sink is full which means ill be hovering over it and i dont know what those things were and thats draining so maybe i just wont eat tonight cuz thats so tiring but also i havent eaten at all yet today so i should because technically ill need the energy if i dont want to be head and stomach hurting at work tomorrow so maybe ill eat in the morning but i cant do that because if i do ill get nauseous and in pain all day because my body just fucking hates food i guess. god my ramen just finished too which means im actually gonna have to wash the stupid fucking bowl in the stupid sink with the stupid dish clutter with the stupid water and the stupid nasty ass sponge and its gonna get all over my hands and i wont be able to touch anything for awhile and im gonna feel like detergent and its gonna get inside my bones and yada yada yada my noodles have been done so long the sooner i move the sooner i have to wash the stupid bowl and stand over my brother's stupid nasty failed attempt at clean dishes like im not germophobic i love germs i literally put my hand in my mouth on the regular and would lick the floor if someone made the insinuation of a dare but that shit specifically is disgusting like omg get that away from me im gonna actually kill myself

i should go eat the noodles now

[whatsnothappening]

I didnt even finish my last entry bc i got stoned and forgot.

Hi. So, it is currently 3:16 in the morning. Well now its 3:17... dude my fuckin brain will focus on one thing only sometimes. What the fuck type dumb ass would i be if i used this entire entry to tell what time it was every time the clock changed. I could really see myself doing that lol. Well, here i am.. up at now... 3:18 😂 I have to open the store tomorrow at 9am. gotta be there 30 min early. (i tell myself that atleast but never do it.) Ill do it, im currently contimplating whether or not i want to just pull an all nighter in hopes that it will reset my sleep schedule because recently i havent been able to get to sleep like a normal person. I swear i get home and sit on the couch and my brain is dead. i cant move. i cant think of things that i need to get done around the house. BUT as soon as my fat ass head hits the pillow... its a mile a SECOND bro. we arnt going by minutes over here. We are on seconds, WE ARE STRUGGLING. But, i will say... the beginning of this year. i have enjoyed myself. i have told myself that i am going to seperate myself from my married life. GRANIT, i AM very much aware that my official married life is VERY new. Howwwwwever, i feel that i have been "married" to this man for many moons. We are just legal now. but i have seen myself become him, hes a great guy. but i am my own person. Now, one thing i told myself i am not going to do is try to become the person i was when i first met him. that person was 17. she was immature. she was broken. she was feral. this girl is still going to be feral. but she is going to be strong, physically and mentally. she is going to take time for herself. she is going to be selfish. she is going to stop blaming herself for not getting things done in a timely manner. I will say recently i have thought about asking my mother to go to therapy with me. i kind of want couples counseling with her. i dont want to have a horrible relationship with her but i feel that when ever i finally move out i wil make sure i dont call. i will make sure i dont come around. but i fear that if i were to ask her to do that with me she would look at me funny and then make me feel awful for even thinking of the idea. I am quite proud of myself here recently. i have started up going to the gym. now i have been having my life long best friend go with me who has been a social crutch because i feel that i would not be able to push myself easily with out him there. but i will get to that point. dont get me wrong i have times where i think that i am pretty. but lets get this straight, i do not care how many body positivity posts you see on the internet when you are creating your avatar for a game or online profile you are not willingly choosing to make your character fat. nobody willingly chooses to be fat. i am self aware that i am never going to be an instagram model. i dont want to be. i dont want to be stared at or be the center of attention. if i was still 17 it would be a different story, that girl is dead. but i have a goal to be comfortable. and feel a little more confident than i do now. i do have one huge fear about losing weight and that is SKIN. i dont want to have random flaps just flapping everywhere. i am horrified of that. but i guess there is always surgery for that. i am not opposed to cosmetic work, i do have my lips done and plan on getting botox or whatever that more earthy option is called. whatever my cosmetic surgeon recommends i absolutely love her. anyways. i think this one is just to ramble i dont really have anything that i want to try to reason with myself on or vent or explain. im just talking, trying to figure out how i am going to handle tomorrow lol. oh by the way its 3:31😘

[lostjulys]

^_^

the thing is like ummm. well. we might finally actually fucking,,,, have a real house soon. forthe first time in my life actually. so like i will actually b able 2 have my own room again and space ohh my godd. and also i'm in my hot androgynous era where i actually feel Not awful going out in public!! and i'm getting somewhere where i feel. somewhat satisfied with the progress i'm making in art & design most of the time. and i've been consuming so much good media lately and ve got a part time job lined up and my mom and i might go 2 denver or rapid city next week + we've also got. MAYBE. an italy trip inthe works for late next year. so everything should be looking up!!!! and cool!! good things happening!! but also u see i am literally rottingfrom within and i am genuinely afraid of like,,, failing like three classes this semester unless i somehow get my brain 2 finish the six papers i have due by tomorrow.and my roommate sent me a text like 'umm u havent been here in a month and your coffee mug is moldy... can u come over and get rid of that?" and i haven't yet. which is a shit thing 2 do. and i need 2 move all my shit frm my dorm to here by like,,, wednesday. and i'm once again in the mental illness where every moment of the day i'm like oh my god. ohhhhh i did something wrong ohh they're gonna tell on me. ohh i'm gonna get in such big trouble for this (<- literally hasn't done anything llike half my profs probably don't even know my name.). and i don't know Anyone here genuinely No one. more people probably think i'm an asshole than like me. and i am the only visibly queer person i see on campus ever. and i havent texted any of my siblings for like. Weeks. so they are probably worried about me lol!!!

[husband]

I hate my mom's friends one of them was like "oh you do art right? Can I commission you? :)" and I go "no sorry I'm super backed up with commissions right now" and this bitch really says "oh okay well I'll just ask your mom about getting a commission from you" like MOTHERFUCKER HELLO??????

[volfoss]

How about Jobin, Daiya, and Fiore?

hiiii bestie i regret to inform you i have a ton of notes on daiya and a shit load of mentally ill moments for jobin so i am SORRY in advance like genuinely i hope it wont get long sdjfsfs

Jobin:

do I like them: yes hes my malewife my boytoy my girlfriend etc also a pitiful freak i love himmmmmm

5 good qualities:

1. genuinely how he cares abt his family he just is sucky at showing it.... ough the family dynamics in part 8 sobs and shakes at a violent pace

2. hes just like a freak (affectionate ofc i love him)

3. constantly like woahhhhh summer time i have no problems and its funny

4. OH MY GOD his uhhhhh his weird hoodie thing i love it.... hes tummy out like most of the time its so good

5. OH OH AND YEAH HIS SHRIMP POSTURE i love that his posture sucks its the representation i want in jojo :)

3 bad qualities:

1. doesnt give mitsuba (or tsurugi tbh) a ton of attention until later on

2. YEAH OK WAIT YEAH his uhhh his golden lambo... literally such a rich kid

3. his past oughhhh i dont wanna think about it

favourite episode/etc: wow beetle arc... but like genuinely its fun i love picking into his little brain and being deranged during it. its also just a fun fight. love to see him being a bit fucked up its funny

otp: uhhh him and mitsuba!! i love them theyre kinda fucked i love itttttt like she serves cunt and hes horrible <3

brotp: uhhh wait yeah yeah him and norisuke... i like how theyre just kinda buddies as well as being father son yk? i think its fun <3

ot3: none yet :)

notp: uh idk any minor w him hes like 30 smth idk his exact age off the top of my head but its gross

best quote: i rly like when he has his little poetry quoting moments and gets SOOOO mad that joshu doesnt finish the poetry its funny... hes so fucked up and funny

head canon: boils his own beetles <3 and finds the process rly relaxing, like he pins them himself and just is like yeah what a way to wind down after a long day of work. also oh my god hes nonbinary as fuck to me.

Daiya:

do I like them: YES MY BESTIE MY BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

5 good qualities:

1. her outfits omg!! she has such a fun sense of fashion and i love all her little teddy bear hats (she changes them for each outfit!!)

2. she loves prog rock and her little albums in her room are such a cool touch... she has good taste :)

3.OH MY GOD YEAH HOW SHES SO CHEERFUL i think shes just such a good character and shes just like such a nice presence to have around

4. i rly rly like how she and josuke r tbh!! shes just really nice to him and he respects her and their friendship is rly nice :)

5. OMG OMG HOW COULD I FORGET!!! i love how affectionate she is!! shes just like idk a rly bubbly person a lot of the time and just rly good... daiya my bestie!!

3 bad qualities:

1. HOW ARAKI WROTE HERRRR but like the entirety of her first arc was so shitty and it is such an uncomfortable thing to read

2. she didnt get enough screentime </3

3. how araki drew her </3 but like for her actual character no flaws bc i can fix her shitty writing <3

favourite episode/etc: uhhhh honestly none bc they rly kinda treat her bad but when she reunites w her mom its good :)

otp: none shes 16

brotp: HER AND JOSHU ACTUALLY... w them both being young they kinda bond over getting ignored by the rest of their family and i think its cool for like bestie time even tho they dont talk a lot.

ot3: also none!

notp: her and gappy.... guh

best quote: the quote somewhat early on in her first arc about memories and how thats how youre happy in life is by making memories w people you love. genuinely one of my fave jojo quotes of all time <3

head canon: its like established she rly likes bikes... i think she rides her bike to school and listens to music on the way there :)

Fiore:

do I like them: yeah! i feel yk hes my oc i have to but hes like not my fave oc ig? i think it was just bad timing when i got hyperfixated on part 4 then 8 because i havent been able to give him as much attention ig?

5 good qualities:

1. has literally a million hobbies like... no need for it but he sure does anyways

2. he literally powders his hair to hide the stupid little toothpaste dyejob at work

3. GOLDFISH MEMORY TOO OMG like worst memory and his home is coverd in sticky notes to TRY and remember shit (it doesnt work)

4. is like the MOST competitive in the kitchen but is like at most mediocre in the kitchen

5. lies about his top surgery scars being from a bear attack to anyone who asks but changes the circumstances each time just for fun

3 bad qualities:

1. his toothpaste hair... there was noooo need for him to dye it that way but he did

2. does NOT warn people about movies before watching (ask anyone who he asked to watch Cube with him <3)

3. a lil bit overbearing at times

favourite episode/etc: ignoring bc yk, oc!

otp: him n melone!

brotp: uhhh him and em sand-worms oc agnolotti for sure!! theyre friends :)

ot3: none rly! i dont think fiore would wanna be in a poly relationship

notp: uhh idk anyone thats in the rest of LS??

best quote: ive literally never written any dialogue for them sorry </3

head canon: is not allowed to drive due to a near car accident but enjoys being on the back of a motorcycle :)

[inosukeslefttoe]

SO i just finished wonder egg priority and i think that with confidence i can say it has been one of my favorite animes like... ever ?? and not even from hyperfixation or obsession over it just... its so fucking real yet so simple in a way that i havent rlly seen shown in any other shows you feel ??

but first i wanna talk about how sexy the art and animation is real quick... HOMIE ITS SO GOOD LIKE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT JUST... serotonin... the characters are all so unique and iconic and fun but not over the top in their designs yknow ??? they seem like regular every day girls but they stand out and theyre all sO CUTE !!!! also i love how the style is like this soft bubbly slice of life lookin stuff with bright happy colors and the most beautiful scenes you could find but they also have the SICKEST fight scenes complete with whimsical animal helpers and terrifying villains and crazy weapons unique to each character. and the animation. god DAMN shawty i am obsessed with everything in this show. i might make a post solely about the art later lol bc i wanna get into the other stuff.

so the themes in the show right ?? it starts just as this cute lil magical girl kinda deal but within the first episode we see that like.. oh damn... thats kinda heavy... tbh i was a little shocked and thought about stopping bc yknow bad mental health BUT i was so intrigued that i had to keep going and i am SO GLAD that i did. because this show just so beautifully discusses all these heavy topics in such an eloquent and artistically expressive way. and also like, , the juxtaposition of the charming childlike vibe with bright colors and 14 yr old girl protagonists against the dark themes of suicide and so much else,, i think is just perfect. bc a lot of heavy animes are more of the seinen genre and have some middle aged dude as a protag or make the entire color palette dim or offer little relief to the pain of these heavy themes right ?? but NO not wonder egg bitches B) because these problems arent just things that ppl face later in life or just problems that need to be talked about among adults or the edgy seinen watching squad,, these are REAL problems that face people of every age, gender etc and i think its awesome that wonder egg addresses that. some may cringe at the thought of their high schooler watching animes that discuss sexual harassment, suicide, abuse, self harm, eating disorders etc,, but in reality it is the most comforting thing i have ever come across and is basically jsut free anime therapy. because not only does wonder egg present these themes to the viewers as something real that happens to all kinds of people (making said people feel heard in a way that maybe they hadnt before), but it also makes sure to vanquish all of these forms of trauma. and the way the trauma is vanquished isnt always beautiful and it isnt always just magically gone with a poof. the struggles of overcoming or living with that sort of thing are shown in such a real and relatable way that addresses every hardship trauma survivors have to go through. and i just. god i cry bro. 

oh m y GOD and the lgbtq+ rep in this show ?? like shawty... as soon as i saw episode one i was picking up on some gay/lesbian themes but then again im sapphic and project that a lot so i tend to see that sort of stuff like... everywhere... but NE WAYS... episode ten made me FUKCING CRY BRO LIke i cant believe there was a whole trans character with a whole trans pride hoodie like LKGHKDGH my heart is just so.. so fucking full thinking about him. bc like yeah i know there are trans characters in anime but i feel like theyre always very ambiguous about actually being trans or not or erased or portrayed as a harmful stereotype or theyre constantly misgendered and still refered to as their assigned gender at birth and i hate it. HOWEVEr... Kaoru.. *chefs kiss* it was so amazing to see a character straight up say “yeah im trans” in such a casual yet powerful way bc i personally have never seen that before. and i love love loved how he went into his backstory and talked to momoe about gender bc i think thats what she rlly needed and that it helped her find herself and it makes me so happy oh my god,, and the way they talked about it never seemed forced or like it was the focal point of his existence yknow ?? like yeah he existed to help momoe overcome some of her trauma but he also just existed to be HIM yknow ?? also... personally, i headcanon momoe as a trans girl even though i dont remember it being explicitly stated plus the school scenes of her and stuff would seem like they suggest otherwise ??but,,, SHAWTY THE AMOUNT OF SUBTEXT and her complicated relationship w gender is... something i feel like a cis girl would not go through so harshly yknow ?? with all of the questioning and feeling detached from femininity or feeling like ppl dont see her as an actual girl and only like her as a guy or for her masculine traits,,, but dont take my word on this bc i myself am a cis girl but that was just my take on it as someone in the lgbtq+ community trying to educate myself on the transgender community :) either way,, wonder eggs portrayal of momoe and kaoru and the way that momoe becomes so passionate about expressing herself the way she wants to as a girl is just... good lord im gonna cry its so perfect,,,.so ... i just love this show way too much. i also am honestly super lost about the relationship btwn acca and ura-acca ?? bc i was gonna mention ura-acca as a canonically gay guy bc when i was watching i interpreted ep 11 as him being in love with acca and being jealous of Azusa (bc i mean,, they lived together (i swear to god there was only one bed in that apartment) and had a daughter together and def loved each other and also when Frill said they were husbands and then when ura-acca said he wasnt attracted to azusa but he was def jealous of their relationship ??) but then i saw somewhere that theyre brothers ?? which would make sense ig since they look kinda similar and accas daughter called ura-acca “uncle”.. but at the same time its ANIME SO THEY ALL LOOK SIMILAR and referring to gay couples as siblings is an EXTREMELY common euphemism soooo... IM JUST LOST HERE... but yeah i tried doing research and found different things so i cant say anything for sure >:( however,,, if they are canonically a lil fruity for each other... when frill refered to acca as ura-accas husband i imploded dude you never hear that sort of wording in anime.. but if theyre related i am so sorry. 

god this is so much longer than i planned it to be oops but i also love the theme about like.. relying on friends to help carry your weight but at the same time not becoming completely dependent on those friends and using their support to learn how to love yourself and rely on yourself yknow ?? bc that is exactly what healthy friendships look like. bc i think ai sort of had a codependency thing goin on with koito maybe ?? but now she has a whole squad of funky friends that are so so different but all struggle with different kinds of trauma and although they fight over it, they always get through it with each other together. and they push each other no matter what to be the best versions of themselves and they teach other that getting hurt is okay because theyre always gonna be there to pick up the pieces no matter what happens. they can give each other space when they need and adapt to meet each others needs but theyre always able to balance it out with their own needs and thats such a beautiful thing in friendships especially at their age like damn i wish i had that maturity when i was 14 but no all i had was depression. another thing is that through these friendships you get to see all the different sides of each girl; you get to see them being strong or a shining light to their friends when theyre hurting but you also get to see them being hurt and weak and allowing themselves to be on the receiving end of the comfort. their friendships allows them to have weaknesses but it also allows them to highlight their strengths and thrive off of each others. I LOVE FRIENDSHIP DUDE

next i wanna briefly mention some of the themes connected to suicide that ive noticed. a big one is the survivors guilt that ai feels once koito is dead. several times she screams that she wishes she couldve gone with koito and she dreams of a “perfect world” where they committed a double suicide. one of the main reasons for her troubles is that she blames herself for koitos death and feels like it should be her thats dead... but at the same time she feels like too much of a coward to do anything now that koito is gone. she just has all these complex and contradicting feelings that wear away at her in ways that ppl that havent gone through the suicide of a loved one could never imagine. a lot of the times when things like this are portrayed in media i feel like its more in a way thats meant to guilt trip those that have taken their own lives and paint suicide as this selfish sin thats unforgivable but... not only does wonder egg reject that idea and instead portray it as a heartbreaking tragedy with,,, so so many terrible reasons, but it focuses on the feelings of ai separate from koito without blaming her in any way. not once did i feel like the show antagonized koito or that ai blamed koito for doing any of this, but they simply mourned her loss and touched on ais reaction towards the event but separate from koito herself if that makes sense. and i think that discussing survivors guilt without painting koito as the bad guy is something so beautifully done in wonder egg that can really resonate with those that have lost a loved one to suicide and have struggled with these same things.

okay i think this is the last thing ill mention,,, but HOMIE THE PARALLEL UNIVERSE BIT AT THE END. I AM. OBSESSED. i am such a whore for anything about the multiverse okay n e ways...,, not only did this make a super epic trippy ending of season one and add a little bit more magical girl whimsy to the show,, but it had such a powerful message. from the perspective of og ai,, finding out that you killed yourself in another world is... i mean its definitely not a surprise but at the same time it rlly makes you think how close og ai herself couldve been to that point and what decisions led her out of that dark place in her life. if i were in her shoes i would be terrified and id cry bc the thought of going back to such a dark place and actually going through with something like that is my worst fear and probably something that ai fears too. but at the same time,,, think from the perspective of ai two !!! like yeah its true that theres this awful terrible version of ai that dies but theres also a whole version of ai that is a superhero magical girl fighting off monsters to save countless ppls lives !! and she has a badass lizard and a gang of awesome friends !!! at first i was worried that ai two would be jealous of og ai and compare herself to her and feel inferior but like.. THEYRE LITERALLY THE SAME PERSON AND CAPABLE OF THE SAME THINGS !!! and ai two realized that !! just within the span of one episode, she went from the version of ai who took her life,, to the version of ai jumping in front of a friend to take a bullet for them and save their life. and that just inspired THE SHIT OUT OF ME. i think that ai was sent another version of herself to sort of beat her own worst enemy yknow ?? those doubts and fears that shes no good or that shes that same bystander from episode one and that she hasnt changed at all. but getting to interact with her parallel self and see her grow was just what she needed to realize that while yeah sometimes the worst thing can happen and things can be terrible but on the other hand sometimes the most wonderful thing imaginable can happen because she has the power to do either. 

so im gonna go ahead and stop rambling bc i got all my thoughts out that i wanted to for this post :D but yeah lol i might make another if i feel like it sometime. long story short: this show is perfect and it is going on my favorite of all times.

[lovemesomesurveys]

Name:  Stephanie.

Country: USA.

Age:  31.

Gender(s): Female

Height:  ~5′4

weight:  70-something lbs.

eye color: Brown.

skin color:  White.

Heritage: I’ve been really wanting to do one of those ancestry dna or 23 and me tests to find out exactly what I am. Relationship status:  Single.

Are you physically healthy?  No.

Are you mentally healthy? Nope

Job?:  No job.

school:  I graduated college back in 2015.

Favs:

Animal:  Dogs and giraffes.

Flower:  I don’t really have one.

Movie:  I have many favorites.

TV show: I have many favorites.

Music:  I like variety.

Band:  One of them will always be Linkin Park.

Video Game: Mario Bros games and Animal Crossing: New Horizon

Gaming Console: Nintendo Switch.

Name:  Alexander. ;)

Person:  My family.

Love life:

1: Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Nope.

2: Do you love them? 

3: Are you still in love with an ex? No.

4: How many people have you dated?  Two.

5: Do you think you’ll get married?  No.

6: Have you ever been emotionally/physically abused in a relationship?  No.

7: Have you ever hurt your partner by accident without knowing it? I’m single, but no I don’t think I have in the past. But if I didn’t know it then I wouldn’t know?

8: Whats important to you in a relationship?  Communication, trust, understanding, patience.

9: Do you have to see them everyday? ( or hear from them)? I’m singleeee. 

10: Do you think you can love someone within 2 weeks? I personally don’t think so.

Friendship and Family:

1: How many friends do you have?  Zero.

2: What type of friend are you?  Not a good one anymore.

3: Have you ever been friends with someone for longer than 7 years? Yeah. My former best friend and I were friends for almost 15 years.

4: Do you have one best friend, more or none?  One, my mom. 

5: Have you ever had a friend just stop being your friend and you never knew why?  Yes.

6: Do you get along with family?  Yes.

7: Do you have a family member you hate?  No.

8: Does your family accept who you are?  Yes.

9: Are you an only child or have siblings?  I have 2 brothers. 

10: Do you have parents that still live together? Yes.

School:

1:What grade are you in? I’m not.

2: Are you in Middle, High, or college? ( or neither)?  Neither, like I said I graduated college back in 2015.

3: Whats your favorite class?  English was always my favorite. In college I enjoyed most of my psych classes.

4: Do you have a fav school year?  Elementary school years.

5: Are you a good student?  I was, yeah.

6: Do you think homework is good or bad?  I wouldn’t say it’s good or bad. I mean, I get seeing if you’re understanding then material and whatnot and applying it. I guess it depends on the amount assigned and what type of assignment it is. 

7: Have you ever had a teacher who was really funny but had poor teaching skills?  Yes.

8: Is your GPA high or low?  It was high.

9: Do you like to particpate in conversations in the class room or are you the listener?  I was definitely a listener. I haaaaated classes that made class discussion apart of your grade.

10: Do you take part in extra school events? (eg. Plays, sports, leadership,clubs)? I was in clubs in high school and the psych club in college, even serving as a board member.

Health

1: Do you need to lose or gain weight?  I definitely need to put on some weight.

2: Have you ever had the swine flu? (H1n1)  No. I remember being scared about getting it and that whole thing wasn’t even on the level of covid. 

3: Do you like to go to the doctors?  Nooo. I’ve had more than my share of doctor appointments of all different kinds all throughout my life. They still make me anxious and stressed out, they’re definitely not something I find enjoyable.

4: Have you ever puked in school or at work?  I remember getting sick once in kindergarten and having to rush outside to the trash can.

5: Have you ever been extremely sick where you couldnt even leave your bed? Yes, I’ve experienced that several times.

6: Do you hate puking or does it make you feel better? I hate actually doing it, but afterwards I usually do feel better. There are times where it gets to the point where I wish I would just do it already and get it over with cause I know it’d help me feel better. That’s when I’m really not feeling well.

7: Have you ever coughed up blood?  No.

8: Should you be eating healthier ? Yes.

9: Do you lie to your doctor?  I downplay some things or not share certain things, admittedly. :X

10: Have you ever taken too much advils?  No. That would make me sick.

Mental Health:

1: Do you have a mental illness?  Yes.

2: Do you take anti-depressants? No.

3: Are you mentally stable?  Uhhh.

4: Have you ever been misdiagnosed? Yes.

5: Do you think you have an disorder but havent been properly diagnosed yet? Maybe.

6: Is self diagnosing good or bad? I don’t see an issue with researching yourself and thinking you may have something, but it’s important to take that information to a doctor. However, sadly I know that not everyone is able to do that. And I also have a problem with doing that myself, which I think can cause unnecessary stress. I also think people tend to throw around labels and say they have something when they don’t. Gah, it’s a slippery slope.

7: Should we give more money to mental health research?  Yes, absolutely.

8: Do you think everyone has a chance to over come their mental disorders?  I think many can learn to better manage some of them, but I feel like they’re always going to be there. 

9: Would you ever not date someone if they had a severe disorder? ( Schizophrenia,BPD, mood disorders)? I don’t know and I’m probably horrible for saying that. I have my mental disorders and I know it can be a lot for people to be around and handle. I just... I don’t know if I’d be able to be there for them in a way they might need ya know? I lack the experience. I can’t say no for certain. I think it would just really depend on the situation and if I learned more about it. 

10: Does mental illness run in your family? Yes.

SEX

1: Virgin?  Yes.

2: what age did you lose it? 3: Did you take sex ed? 6th grade, middle school, and a health and psych class my freshman year in high school.

4: Does size matter?

5: Whats your favorite poistions?

6: Does virginity exist? I believe so. I know some feel it’s not a real thing or a social construct, but to me it’s a thing. It’s someone who hasn’t had sex. When you have sex, you’re said to have lost your virginity and to me that just means in the very literal sense that you’re not a virgin anymore. I’m not referring to it as something deeper. Although, it can be for some people. And while I don’t think it’s like losing some part of yourself or something life altering, I personally feel like I would feel a change in some way. I also want to add that it’s something I want “lose” or share with someone special. I don’t know, man. I’m sure I’m not explaining it well. It’s just a personal thing.

7: Do you think sex is overated?  I wouldn’t know.

8: Is making love and fucking different? One just sounds more romantic and slow and passionate and the other sounds rough lol 9: Is it important for both genders to understand eachothers bodies?  Yeah.

10: If someone was a virgin and was raped, did they lose their virginity? If it’s not consensual or your choice then you can choose not to count it is how I see it. Like yes, technically they’ve had sex, but something so horrific and traumatic doesn’t count. Losing their virginity should be done their way, with someone they want to share that with. In the situation they were raped, they’re allowed to take their power and control back and count it when they do so with someone they want to do, consensually. 

Check the box:

1.My hair color is: [x] Brown [] Black [] Blonde [x]Red [] Funky colors [] Auburn [] more than one color <<< It’s a mix of my natural color and red because I haven’t dyed it since February.

2.Eye color: []Blue []Grey [x]Brown []Light brown []dark brown []green []amber [] I have two different colors of eyes

3.I am a : []Male [x] Female []Trans Male [] Trans Female []Gender Fluid [] I dont have a gender []Non Binary [] other

4: I am: []Fit [] Average [x]Skinny []Fat

5: I love my : [x]Hair []Eyes []Smile []Teeth []Skin []everything about myself []None of these.  <<< Italicized because I only like my hair when it’s been dyed and my roots aren’t showing haha... unlike now.

6: I hate my: [x]Hair []eyes [xx]smile [x]teeth [x]skin [x] everything about myself [] I dont hate anything about myself

7: My feet are: [x]Small []Wide []Narrow []long []large [x]Ugly []Pretty

8: I have a hard time: []Finding something to wear [x]Making Friends [x] making food [x]staying focused

9: I am: []Employed [x]Not employed []retired []I can’t work []Self employed []Looking for a job

10: I love: []the moon []the sun [x]the stars []our galaxy []planets

Bold what is true:

I am Funny

I am a girl

I have no hair

I have curly hair

^ I hate it

I have straight hair

I have a dog

I have a cat

I have both

I love to get drunk

I don’t drink

I love to smoke weed but i hate smoking cigarettes

I love both

I rather have one best friend than 20 friends who i am not close with

My dad died

My mom died

My parents are both dead

My parents are alive

I like to touch my bruises

I have funny teeth

I love Mcdonalds fries

Sometimes when Im alone I sing as loud as I can

even if i cant sing

I believe in God

I believe in the butterfly affect

I hate video games

I wish I was taller

I can’t understand math

I am very good at writing an essay

I never had sex before

I love Mac N Cheese

I love Disney Movies

I prefer Dreamswork over Walt Disney

I am going to College

I finished college

I wish I went to college

I hate my job

I am the boss at my job

I have a feelings for a friend but i cant tell them because it would ruin our friendship

^ I have feelings and i told them

I wish soda was healthy

I sleep with the window opened

This survey was too long

[moonshxdows]

me? writing hlfx outlines instead of studying for calc? more likely then you think

spoilers for hlfx if u havent read it yet and also for the next chap (obviously) and yeah. ill put a cut since its getting kind of long. this is mostly me just organizing my thoughts bc now im finishing this fic out of spite and also i miss raydia. fuck OFF aaron theyre both gay and i do what i want

also i checked my chapter count and apparently. i mentally skipped like a whole ass chapter so we'll see what happens. im rambling. hopefully i’ll be able to actually write this once i finish finals and college essays but until then here

ps if u WANT to read hlfx scroll thru my hlfx tag 😳👀 theres links there promise

so. ezran is still kidnapped, and raydia is pretty much spending 12+ hours on the road a day trying to catch up to the earthblood elves that took him

not to mention they Still Have The Egg. AND they had a fight ab viren and also morality earlier. things r tense and quiet theyre not talking much

raylas like. dealing w her trauma yk? (thanks viren). she hasnt had the best few days/weeks/months/how long has it been since marcos died again?

anyways. bad times but shes healing!! shes gettin better!!! this is first and foremost a story ab healing and moving on and becoming better!!!!!

claudia is Also thinking but not about trauma (maybe about trauma). shes like. rethinking some of the things her dad told her u know? and is also developing an outsiders pov on dark magic with raylas sidelong comments earlier in their journey. except now shes actually Thinking about it and hmm. hmmmmmmm.

idk if i SAID they have the air primal stone but they do now. maybe the fire primal stone bc i do nothing if not project on claudia and boy am i a pyromaniac

anyways.

jesus that was just the setup

anyways they come across an elf village and rayla wants to avoid it this time but claudia sneaks in bc she wants to see it for herself

i change my mind she goes to see how magic is used in their societies and steals a primal stone

so she gets away with it (barely) and rayla wakes up to (another? cannot remember if they had the air primal stone lmao) primal stone in her bag with the egg

"claudia what the fuck im not carrying this your turn"

she doesnt explain WHY she stole the primal stone but rayla notices the filmy magic coating their clearings in the morning. and its not heavy, dark magic. its the magic of her childhood and her people, and gives her a little hope for her traveling companion

(are they friends? can she call claudia a friend when they were at each other's throats only a few weeks before?)

she doesnt mention it, though

they get more little moments on the road, peppered between sharp words on the bad days and dead silence on the worst ones. but they grow closer, bit by bit.

then they intercept the caravan with ezran and everything goes to shit

raylas impulsive and angry and so, so tired and so she runs at them, only for claudia to pull her back last minute.

theyre both scared but. claudia has a plan. she hopes.

so they linger outside the queen's palace, and wait. because if xadia politics are anything like human politics, the dragon queen will want to see her royal prisoner

she does. and when ezran steps in front of the massive dragon, sweating and exhausted in his torn cloak and tunic, rayla grabs claudias hand to stop herself from running out to him then and there.

it doesnt take long for the queen to demand retribution for her child, since clearly the crown prince- now king- ezran is alive

and this is where the plan comes in

rayla steps out onto the open air royal draconic chamber, holding the egg, and all goes silent. there are tears in her eyes when she sees ezran start to cry, but her voice remains steady when she speaks

"I have something better than retribution. But the one who brought it deserves to be the one to give it to you" or something like that

she hands the egg to ezran, he explains, claudia rushes out and theres a teary group hug while zym is born

the dragon queen doesnt trust them entirely, especially since the new one reeks of black magic, but she agrees to send an emissary to katolis

with rayla as their guard, of course

its the first step to true, lasting peace

[avpdpunpun]

i disappeared for 3/4ths a year here’s an update?

its been 4 months since my queue ran out and way longer since i wrote an actual post. 8 months about? i think i last posted when i impulse quit a job that was bad for my mental health and just kept getting worse.

sometimes i wonder when ppl who blog about mental illness disappear if they’ve died. there was a big user i used to follow who did, and i still occasionally think about it sometimes, so i figure its nice to post updates sometimes. and being able to look back on posts ive written and reflect on them/what state of mind i was in can be helpful even if it can be embarrassing/dangerous because its so easy to fall back into those thinking habits 

after quitting my job i did basically nothing for 6 months haha. at some point i managed to clean out my room which i had done the bare minimum on for years because of depression, took out more built up trash than i thought was possible to fit into my small space. its disgusting but the only thing i struggle to keep up with now at least is vacuuming and putting clothes away so my space is a lot cleaner and it makes me happier. your living space can really have an effect on your mood bless you marie kondo

after my post about having an anxiety attack taking my test i got my drivers license in march. i saw the same lady again after going somewhere else and i think she just let me pass because she felt bad haha. i never finished drivers ed and i still get anxiety about driving unfamiliar routes but my skills and confidence have improved a lot. i managed to drive 2 hours to a big city to visit a friend! i literally didnt have a choice in getting my license, but its still something i can be proud of. like, when i have to explain it to people, it feels extremely shitty that i didnt get it until i was 20, and only about 5 months ago too but... for someone who struggles as much as me, i have to be proud of it my small accomplishments or i’ll have nothing.

at some point something in my brain just snapped and i literally havent been able to cry? for a long time in those 6 months i felt like i was right on the edge of breaking down mentally but never actually crossing that line and it was honestly one of the weirdest things ive experienced. i almost wanted to have a breakdown again just to get rid of the feeling and reach a catharsis like... i used to be a fucking crybaby almost but i. cant. anymore. but i think ive mostly moved away from this point... still feel kinda weird tho.

i didnt end up signing up to a local school fo gen eds. its still on my mind for the vague future because there’s topics i want to learn about (psychology, natural resources, languages...) and maybe try to pursue for a career but really i just wanted a way to get out of my toxic house, even if it meant going into debt to live in a shitty dorm. 

in the last 30 days though life has been moving extremely quickly for me. i dont think i couldve lived with myself much longer being a useless adult basically living in my basement bedroom of my parents house, especially with my younger siblings getting nearer to adult milestones, plus my savings were starting to run out.

so literally next weekend, i’m moving out! and i make enough money right now that with the rough budget i have established, if its accurate, i’ll have a decent amount of wiggle room and hopefully wont be ruining my mental health just trying to make ends meet.

it took a long time of searching but i managed to find a job that hasnt made me suicidal and has slightly more than the MIT living wage for my area lol. im a janitor now! we’ll see how long it lasts but a lot of the factors from my last two jobs that contributed to my failing mental health are gone. i rarely have to interact with other people, and if i do its my coworkers, of who i tend to only see for minutes per day, or the other people working in the building i clean who at most i have to say hi and have a nice night to lol. i get to listen to music and podcasts for 8 hours and its very routine heavy. i have to clock out after the 8 hours is up so i literally cant be forced into overtime. a lot of people dont respect cleaning jobs like this but honestly who gives a fuck, its something i can handle mentally and support myself with. its still hard adjusting to 40 hours. i know its the standard, but the standard is rly tough for me, but i think i can do it long term.

all of this has been achieved through sheer self hatred and impulse alone, and im very nervous about moving in with 3 other people even if 1 of them ive known for 8 years, and i dont think its even properly hit me yet. literally cant register that i have to fend 100% for myself but also ill be away from my toxic family! i can bring my cat with me, who before this i got to see at MOST once a week!

a dude ive known online for two or more years is moving to my area too for college and he’s so sweet and kind, i feel better talking to him than i have 99% of people in my life and im so lucky to know him. ive been forced to talk about personal things i was kind of dreading (not his fault, just a result of our relationship going to go from online -> irl and things id have to address beforehand) and honestly i didnt even mind it that much when i just got it over with and talked about it to him! vulnerability is literally the thing i struggle with the most in interpersonal relationships and is a huge block for me in every way and in even the most mundane life situations but like... he’s honestly the best and im getting emotional writing this and its weird af because i straight up dont GET emotional about other people. ive absolutely developed a stupid fucking crush on him recently and i THINK hes been receptive to flirting and i cant tell if he flirts back because we already say i love you and are wholesome af but honestly no clue if he’s into (trans) dudes but honestly? even if it doesnt work out im so happy to be friends with him and im so excited to finally meet him!! i really think knowing him has helped me improve myself 

i’ve always thought that if i could literally just achieve the bare minimum in life that things would naturally get better. like i’m still mentally ill and get paranoid about peoples intentions and i think if my boss yelled at me id have an anxiety attack on the spot. im still depressed and hate that i have low energy and that it’s still rly hard doing basic chores. 

but like a huge part of my problem was that i felt like i literally couldn’t TRY to connect with people if i couldn’t face having to tell them bare info about myself, like “oh i cant drive” or “i dont have a job” or that i was living with my parents but not even making PROGRESS on getting out. like how could i make friends or go on dates if i literally couldnt contribute shit or admit these things i was so ashamed of? a lot of my self image was shaped by this because my entire life i havent been mentally well enough to do as well as i should have.

but like. i feel like im finally doing these basic things!! i dont have to hate myself so much anymore! i dont look badly on other mentally ill ppl who are less lucky than i/havent been able to do those things yet/might not ever and are still in the same situation i was 2 months ago but the self hatred is strong pls understand.

i dont know yet if i could afford twice yearly drs visits for meds or anything and probably not therapy. i dont even know what my insurance is yet haha. but i’ll see

i need to figure out at what point in my life im going to be able to never contact a single person in my family ever again, considering i’ll be a 20 min drive away and they will know the precise location of where i live, and if i’ll ever feel safe enough in society to start hrt but :^) you know :^) i can at least present more masculinely in the meantime!

i dont rly know how to conclude this... i’m not trying to brag either im just very nervous and excited about where my life might be going for the first time ever? maybe? in my entire life? i have no clue what to pursue after moving out, but i can figure it out. and just... that there’s hope even if youre as fucked up and mentally ill as i am lmao!

[yung-gunshot]

In questions!

thank you denna @kisamas

1. What takes up too much of your time? rn its mainly vibeo game and anime. i still play djmax respect like almost every single day plus also playing ace combat 5 & 7 and i recently finished watching ergo proxy which was pretty cool

2. What makes your day better? cooking something yummy like pasta or curry makes my day better and just generally playing games something that distracts me from my problems at the moment

3. What’s the best thing that happened to you today? i made pasta with sausage, broccoli, and spinach for dinner and it was really good 

4. What fictional place would you like to go to? hm i havent really thought about this but i think it would be cool to see the netsphere from blame! but without being involved in all the fucked up stuff i just love the architecture 

5. Are you good at giving advice? i would like to think so but none of my friends i know irl reach out to me so maybe i think not i just speak bollocks 

6. Do you have a mental illness? hm not sure, i never got officially diagnosed but im pretty sure i may have developed depression ever since i graduated hs

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? i dont think i have 

8. What musician inspires you the most? not sure about musicians but deathgrips and jpegmafia have kinda inspired me at the moment just because they make whatever they want without being afraid of what people think of them

9. Have you ever fallen in love? yea its happened twice now

10. What’s your dream date? i dont really think about this just because i dont think it will ever happen but i think just hanging out and going hiking anywhere would be nice and i really enjoy checking out new places to eat in town

11. What do others notice about you? not really sure about this question tbh maybe that im really easy to get along with? and i dont like the fact that i exist outside of my own perception 

12. What’s an annoying habit you have? isolation? but also i tend to bounce my leg and play with my hair a lot

13. Do you still talk to your first love? nope 

14. How many exes do you have? 2

15. How many songs are in your playlist? im not really sure i just have 3 playlists on spotify that most songs go to depending on the mood they are pretty huge though so id say at least 100 per playlist

16. What instruments can you play? i used to be able to play the trumpet in elementary 

17. What do you have the most pictures of? i have lots of landscape pics from the places i go camping and hiking then its just anime girls memes etc

18. Where would you like to go before you die? i think it would be really nice to see japan, korea, and indonesia plus also visit every national park here in the us and some parts in mexico like cancun and puebla 

19. What’s your zodiac? aquarius 

20. Do you relate to it? sometimes but most of the time i think its stupid 

21. What is happiness to you? just living a life where i dont have to maintain a certain image of myself and free from the pressures of modern day life and capitalism 

22. Are you going through anything right now? yea i still havent registered for fall classes yet and also havent been able to find a job either and i lost my friendship with my best friend a month ago

23. What’s the worst decision you ever made? i think telling my best friend i grew feelings for them is by far the worst thing ive done to date and its just something im never going to forgive myself for

24. What’s your favorite store? winco, samber and la chiquita (local hispanic stores) and grocery outlet

25. What’s your opinion about abortion? pro

26. Do you keep a bucket list? nope

27. Do you have a favorite album? ive had a few as my all time fav like Emily’s D+Evolution , To Pimp A Butterfly and Toxicity, rn though im really enjoying Dog Whistle by Show Me the Body, Infest the Rats’ Nest by King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard and Veteran by Jpegmafia

28. What do you want for your birthday? maybe some new cardigans and candles would be nice

29. What are people’s first impressions of you? i think people see me as a quiet and distant person because i dont talk that often when meeting new people

30. What age do you seem according to most people? my age (21) -/+ 1

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping? i keep it on the corner of my bed next to my head

32. What word do you say the most? bollocks, bellend, fuck, worm 

33. What’s the oldest age you would date? 25

34. What’s the youngest you would date? maybe 20 but they would have to be a very specific type of person for me to consider dating them, safe bet with 21

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you? art teacher

36. What’s your favorite music genre? it used to be hip hop for a really long time but now i like rock and metal but really ill listen to anything except for country and edm. ive also just been listening to a ton of vibeo game and anime music too 

37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be? i honestly think if the world wasn’t dictated by money i would want to live in mexico or japan tbh i like the us but just for the nature and landscapes 

38. What is your current favorite song? Camp Orchestra by Show Me the Body

39. How long have you had this blog for? i think i started in the middle or end of 2015

40. What are you excited for? i cant really say im looking forward for anything other than death stranding coming out and the dlc for ace combat 7

41. Are you a better talker or listener? i think im a better listener than i am a talker bc when i talk i cant even understand what im saying sometimes. listening is much more important to me bc i can actually process what people are saying 

42. What was the last productive thing you did? i talked to my adviser today and made some food and took my dog out for a walk at the park

43. What do you want for Christmas? i would like more board games to play with my cousins and friends and maybe some new pants too

44. What class do you get the best grades in? i dont know about best grades but its usually my painting and drawing courses 

45. On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now? 5

46. What can you see yourself doing in ten years? i honestly dont know and the only thing that comes to mind is being a teacher? i just live day to day 

47. When did you get your first heartbreak? i guess after i graduated hs we were talking before we graduated but things sorta fell apart and i realized my feelings a bit too late to change anything 

48. What age do you want to get married? not sure since i cant see myself being taken seriously enough to want to marry but i guess ill say any age before 40

49. What career did you want to have as a child? i dont quite remember but i recall wanting to do space travel so maybe an astronaut? or astronomer

50. What do you crave right now? emotional stability, some taro milk tea, and more pasta\

im gonna tag @deredere @euthymiclurker and @dementatree :)

[crafiet]

1-50 OC questionnaire !!

ill use ary

1. What’s their full name? Why was that chosen? Does it mean anything?anyone else paranoid about people stealing their unpublished work or ideas or name bc me. her name is ary and i found it from a generator [lmao so original] and i thought it was cute. her last name is like pretty standard for fantasy and it inspired me to have everyone elses last names in a similar vibe2. Do they have any titles? How did they get them?WELL lmao shes had a lot. prisoner #22876, the wraith, princess ary. ive scrapped all except the prisoner one and u can guess how she got it3. Did they have a good childhood? What are fond memories they have of it? What’s a bad memory? she was raised among royals and nobles so she has a lot of good memories with her parents and other kids her age running around doing dumb shit. most of her bad memories happen once she becomes a teenager4. What is their relationship with their parents? What’s a good and bad memory with them? Did they know both parents? she has an overwhelming love for her parents, she idolizes them heavily and is grateful for how much they taught her. a good memory is probably them teaching her how to use magic for the first time and she being unable to control it and almost burning her eyebrows off lmao5. Do they have any siblings? What’s their names? What is their relationship with them? Has their relationship changed since they were kids to adults?no siblings6. What were they like at school? Did they enjoy it? Did they finish? What level of higher education did they reach? What subjects did they enjoy? Which did they hate?tbh i havent thought much about their education system as young kids, since its not really relevant and i dont tend to worldbuild stuff that never shows up. however she did attend an academy specifically for her magic caste and she had a fun time up until some shit went down and she deserted. shes pretty competitive and liked versing her friends7. Did they have lots of friends as a child? Did they keep any of their childhood friends into adulthood? she was one of those weird kids who preferred hanging out with her parents over everybody else. so she had one good friend in the academy whos still her friend today, but otherwise she would race home and annoy her mum lol8. Did they have pets as a child? Do they have pets as an adult? Do they like animals? no pets. she has a soft spot for horses though, because she has had so many in her “career”9. Do animals like them? Do they get on well with animals? horses like her, i guess they can sense shes good with them. at one point in the novel she sees some jackals and is afraid of them so shes probably not a dog person10. Do they like children? Do children like them? Do they have or want any children? What would they be like as a parent? Or as a godparent/babysitter/ect?she doesnt have anything against kids, but shes not very good with them, shes never been one for baby talk or dumbing herself down. in one draft she takes care of some adolescents and lets cyri take over bc he loves kids lol11. Do they have any special diet requirements? Are they a vegetarian? Vegan? Have any allergies?nahh12. What is their favourite food? uhhhhhhhhhhhhh13. What is their least favourite food?uhHHHHHH14. Do they have any specific memories of food/a restaurant/meal?man idk, its not like my characters arent well rounded realistic people but im not gonna know her favourite fucking colour bc it doesnt matter in the story lmao15. Are they good at cooking? Do they enjoy it? What do others think of their cooking?i would say shes ok, she doesnt burn anything but shes not a gourmet chef [despite having lessons as a child]16. Do they collect anything? What do they do with it? Where do they keep it? ohh i used to have an answer for this but she probably doesnt now just bc shes pretty nomadic and usually only has the clothes on her back lmao17. Do they like to take photos? What do they like to take photos of? Selfies? What do they do with their photos?cameras dont exist in her world my dudee. but if she lived in modern day which ive thought of, shed be the type to take a bunch of pics of her friends and stuff she likes bc she likes having the memory in a solid form, her actual memory is shit lol18. What’s their favourite genre of: books, music, tv shows, films, video games and anything elsehmm i suppose shed be a horror fan, and shed love making fun of stupid characters19. What’s their least favourite genres?man idk. romance? shes kinda #2edgy4me20. Do they like musicals? Music in general? What do they do when they’re favourite song comes?hmm i think shes more a soft music fan, just something idly playing in the background. ex. a bard playing something for the crowd while she kicks back w friends21. Do they have a temper? Are they patient? What are they like when they do lose their temper?she has a short temper. shes easily triggered with any emotion so shes quick to argue or whatever22. What are their favourite insults to use? What do they insult people for? Or do they prefer to bitch behind someone’s back?id like to think shes witty, and she always says stuff to peoples faces bc a bitch has rabies and wants to fight apparently23. Do they have a good memory? Short term or long term? Are they good with names? Or faces?bad memory, shes gone through physical torture and isolation [wew] so. shes better at names, growing up with royals she got to learn a bunch of family names etc24. What is their sleeping pattern like? Do they snore? What do they like to sleep on? A soft or hard mattress?a light sleeper. crazy light. and she can sleep anywhere, so she has no problems sleeping on the ground unlike others25. What do they find funny? Do they have a good sense of humour? Are they funny themselves?she pretends to be stoic but when u get to know her her humour’s pretty lame, shell laugh at anything if just to make u feel better26. How do they act when they’re happy? Do they sing? Dance? Hum? Or do they hide their emotions? she tends to hide them under an indifferent mask27. What makes them sad? Do they cry regularly? Do they cry openly or hide it? What are they like they are sad?despite being able to hide her emotions, she does succumb to fear a lot and cries openly, but will continue to do whatever shes doing through tears so shes scary in that regard28. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared?abandonment is a huge one. shes not a fan of predatory animals. shes brave though, and will do whatevers necessary, kinda like unwilling exposure therapy lol29. What do they do when they find out someone else’s fear? Do they tease them? Or get very over protective? she doesnt like exploiting people so shell never use someones fear against them. for friends, shell protect them and warn them if something like that is gonna happen30. Do they exercise? Regularly? Or only when forced? What do they act like pre-work out and post-work out?lmao she walks or goes horse riding everywhere and is severely malnourished31. Do they drink? What are they like drunk? What are they like hungover? How do they act when other people are drunk or hungover? Kind or teasing?i just wrote a scene like this!! shes louder in general, laughs more. her guard comes down more and more with every drink. she can hold her liquor pretty well but when shes blacked out shes pretty much useless32. What do they dress like? What sorta shops do they buy clothes from? Do they wear the fashion that they like? What do they wear to sleep? Do they wear makeup? What’s their hair like?she prefers comfort and mobility over everything else. she tends to dress pretty masculine, and never does anything with her hair. does she know what a brush is?33. What underwear do they wear? Boxers or briefs? Lacey? Comfy granny panties?...................ask her lol idk. probably just basic comfy ones34. What is their body type? How tall are they? Do they like their body?she is 5′9. when shes healthy, she has a willowy figure but more on the boxy side than curvy. she doesnt really attribute much to her body [imagine living life without dysmorphia mfg]35. What’s their guilty pleasure? What is their totally unguilty pleasure? i dont she counts anything as a ‘guilty’ pleasure. she just enjoys what she enjoys, fuck whatever people think36. What are they good at? What hobbies do they like? Can they sing?she loves fishing! she used to do it a lot with her dad. i dont think shes a particularly good singer37. Do they like to read? Are they a fast or slow reader? Do they like poetry? Fictional or non fiction?yeah she likes reading. she reads pretty fast and prefers nonfiction. she thinks poetry can get too pretentious lmao38. What do they admire in others? What talents do they wish they had?#deep but i think she admires kindness and care in others. she wishes she was a better person at times and wants to be able to express how much people meant to her39. Do they like letters? Or prefer emails/messaging? lmao letters are the only thing in her world. if she lived w us shed probably be all about texting 600 in a row and then calling when u dont reply “what do u mean you cant answer. its called INSTANT messaging for a reason!!”40. Do they like energy drinks? Coffee? Sugary food? Or can they naturally stay awake and alert?she stays awake through sheer willpower shes a beast41. What’s their sexuality? What do they find attractive? Physically and mentally? What do they like/need in a relationship?shes bi/pan. not really a thing about labels in her world. she loves long hair and soft personalities42. What are their goals? What would they sacrifice anything for? What is their secret ambition?plot spoilers!!43. Are they religious? What do they think of religion? What do they think of religious people? What do they think of non religious people?shes not religious. there is a heavy theme of religion in the novel [which i need to write better in the second draft] but she was kinda skeptical as a child and probably lost faith entirely after she went through some harrowing stuff 44. What is their favourite season? Type of weather? Are they good in the cold or the heat? What weather do they complain in the most? winter. she prefers the cold and hates heat45. How do other people see them? Is it similar to how they see themselves? i think people see her as scarier than she is. shes a formidable opponent and does not give a fuck what you say, but her reputation precedes her a little bit, a lot of things she did out of fear or force are seen as ‘badass’ and ‘brave’46. Do they make a good first impression? Does their first impression reflect them accurately? How do they introduce themselves?shes a compulsive liar, and a good one at that. so she tends to show herself differently to almost everyone she meets, but usually its a false potrayal47. How do they act in a formal occasion? What do they think of black tie wear? Do they enjoy fancy parties and love to chit chat or loathe the whole event?ugh she haaaaaates formal stuff and parties. she grew up royal and had to suffer through many a dinner and gathering. at this point in her life youd never get her in a dress that impeded her movement. shes ok with dresses but really big poofy ones she refuses to wear48. Do they enjoy any parties? If so what kind? Do they organise the party or just turn up? How do they act? What if they didn’t want to go but were dragged along by a friend? in our world shed be one for a chill house party. show up with a case of beer, sit outside by the barbie, listen to music and talk shit. shes not good at organising so she doesnt tend to host, and if she were dragged by a friend itd probably be to a formal event or with people she didnt know so shed just sulk in the corner49. What is their most valued object? Are they sentimental? Is there something they have to take everywhere with them?she abandoned her material possessions before the story a. bc she was forced and b. they bring back way too many painful memories50. If they could only take one bag of stuff somewhere with them: what would they pack? What do they consider their essentials? food, change of clothes, weapons. thats about it. she tries not to be super nasty and find an inn to shower and stuff but shes also poor af

[sohvi]

I’ve watched the og skam!!! :-) And yeah I thought I could improve my french by watching the french one but yeaaaaah

ok soooooo basically my dislike rn is more towards the actual fandom than the show bc ppl r just being weird abt the guys basically that just rubs me the wrong way and like shipping the actors and whatnot and im just like can we not but i know its always gonna happen and whatever i mean u can ship them but hey heres a suggestion: dont be gross abt it lol!!!! but lets put that aside and talk abt the actual show lol!!! for the record i havent watched season 1 or 2 so i started with season 3 which is v smart lmao but i just havent had the time to watch those but im thinking ill go back to those after they finish this one…but this might be why i dont rly have a connection to the characters as much and well thats on me obvsly but yeah

and its like i love the OG so much it will always have a special place in my heart and i watched the whole series and like isak is my literal son like i am his mother(this is starting to sound weird lmao i know) and i love that boy so much but like im finding rly hard to connect with lucas(french isak) idk how to explain rly like i can def feel his confusion and everything and hes sweet but also kind of a dumbass bless him lol well theres still lots to happen and for him to rly shine i suppose

now what rly sold it for me to watch this season of skam fr was when i saw the guy who plays eliott so even obvsly but like not to be that bitch but hes stunning like not rly sure if hes actually human like thats some outer space other realm beautifulness u feel me? jk jk but im rly loving him on this season like they gave him an ig that kinda gives us an insight that we havent had b4 when it came to even and the ppl on the show dont know abt it so im rly liking that and he just has that like super mysterious and intense vibe or maybe thats just being french?????? but like somehow to me like things between them have kind of escalated quick or maybe thats just me idk i try to think how it felt during og but also i dont wanna compare and they shouldnt be compared like thats not fair but im a slow burn gal what can i say lol also i dont wanna say too much if u decide to watch so im not out here spoiling but yeah the pacing is kind of off imo 

im kinda jumping from thing to thing here but also they r kind of underusing the boy squad i feel like and the magnus character is disgusting like he needs to never talk lmao ugh but i like the other 2 but they havent been around much and for example the boy squad in the italian version i wanna adopt all of them like wow such good friends and just well written lol def my favorite thing abt skam it BUT all these things could be done on purpose idk maybe its to show the isolation and what lucas is feeling like not close with his friends bc of him not fully being able to be his true self u know? im hoping that will change after he comes out to his friends sometime soon 

hmmmmm things that i have issues with also….so there was that clip that was like when isak&even 1st kissed and they spend the night and theres the morning after scene where they just smoke and talk and be qt and the french version was like fuck that lets go from 0 to 60 and like it just made me super uncomfortable to watch and im no prude lmao far from it when it comes to watching saucy things sdfghjhgfdfghjhgh but like just how it was filmed super sensual and like softcore porn like lmao oh and like its like not that they did stuff but just how the scene was set and again that just might be how the french operate like thats the mood lol but like bringing that sort of intimacy to the table that soon when theyve known each other for such a short period of time hmm idk lol but yeah then i was thinking also like with eliotts mental illness this kind of behaviour is like to be expected like im not trying to diminish their feelings for each other but obvsly its a lot in a short time I NEED TO HONESTLY SHUT THE FUCK UP AND IM EMBARRASSED OTHER PPL WILL SEE THIS LMAO but maybe i still have smth to say or like ending words lol 

so where im getting at basically is that i dont hate the show but there r def things that bother me but i will keep watching bc i rly love eliott i think hes rly bringing smth new to the even character(and also hes fucking hot and i know ive mentioned this but looks so much like a crush i had a decade ago……so thats fun) and there has been some rly quality clips that ive enjoyed and like if u wanna improve ur french thats amazing go for it!!! i studied french back in school so this show is rly making me wanna hit up duolingo lol also i need someone to talk abt it pls lmao