Text
You know what? You know what I think?
I think that if we lived as we were meant to, in larger intimate ("extended family") groups and with more shared labor and time to do it (UBI NOW) people like me would not feel so useless and burdensome because there would be people around to help and to do what neurodivergent people can't while making valuable space for the neurodivergent to do what they ARE good at.
The way we live right now, all right, the way we live right now forces units of two adults to be able to do EVERYTHING or PAY to have someone come do it for them. I have to do the housework. I have to do it! But I am having to do a million different things and most of them I am not good at. I suck at them.
I wouldn't feel like shit, okay, if I had more than one other person around who was not a child and who could do the things I can't, like do the yard and cook and do repairs and basic maintenance; and someone else to split everything else that I like but is too much for me. It would free me to do what I am good at and enjoy. Cleaning, as in the sink and toilet, the windows, the blinds. Taking out trash. Folding, hanging, and sorting laundry.
But because all the shit I can do often relies on other shit being done first, and I can't do or have trouble doing those things, the shit I can do often can't be done. And even the shit I can do, I can't do ALL of it. So I can't keep up, and things get very bad.
We aren't meant to live like this. We are not meant to live like this.
That thought hurts so much because being able to flee the birth family is integral to survival for so many people. I'm so afraid that living in larger family groups would create more opportunities for, say, queer kids to be isolated, rejected, bullied, and abused. But if we gave people enough money to survive, and stopped considering children the property of their parents with no system in place to help them escape bad situations except a system that is often just as bad, just different.
I'm aware that communes and collectives aren't all that successful and are kind of a joke. I don't mean that. I mean a fundamental shift to multigenerational families where taking in "strays" (which my family did) is also normalized so people escaping abuse into existing households was accepted, with these families centered in maybe a couple of different larger residences so not everyone has to buy and maintain their own fucking washing machine and vacuum cleaner, and so people can benefit from large group meals that yield leftovers, and so child and elder care can also be centralized.
Then disabled people and the neurodivergent and sick and injured people, and pregnant people, and grieving people, would not have to either labor through all those stressors or consign themselves to living off an unlivable pittance or being put under legal guardianship.
I'm not saying anything new. People live like this in other parts of the world and maybe it sucks and I am wrong. But I'm just really mad right now because I can either do laundry or clean the sink but not both, and I really think we could improve society somewhat by making it so I did not have to choose one without sacrificing the other.
#im feverish feeling (not a real fever just malaise that i have no other way to describe) from the IBS (which can affect you like that#)#and i don't actually want to do ANYTHING#i would have to even living with others but it would be easier#at the very least i wouldn't have had to clean the microwave earlier which is hard because my arms are like the size of a meerkat's#and i can only reach the back with my fingertips#where is my BF in all this?#WORKING FULL TIME WITH BACK PAIN#yes i AM going to want him to have to do as little as possible when he comes home#he's neurodivergent too and struggles with the same shit#it's all a mess#we are doing way better i didn't realize how deep a drain three very sick cats were#but there's still only two of us#if you are disabled physically OR MENTALLY you should at least get in-home household help once a week or so#there's places that do that but the limitations are usually severe and always rule me out#because im not single im not an elder im not a veteran and im not physically disabled#if we have to ration that sort of thing i can see how on the whole it is more caring to allocate those resources to for example elders#but the fact that i celebrate what help there is doesn't mean i don't get mad that more people can't access it#is2g if i was functional enough snd physically sound enough i would start a charity that did intervention cleaning for people like us#who have fallen behind and can't catch up but can MAINTAIN#and who helped people clean for a few months during and after an illness pregnancy trauma major loss etc. so they could stay on their feet
345 notes
·
View notes
Text
am i gonna put you in the book acknowledgements am i gonna be able to say your name without flinching am i ever gonna get a word in edgewise am i ever gonna recover the time i spent with you. computer virus kid; i arrived in your life already begging to be let in. somehow insecure i could even be your friend. like you had a line outside the door and we were all shifting our weight, begging.
you're so fucking good at that - at making people feel like they need to earn you, like you're a commodity none of us can afford. no kindness or careful communication could work on you - you were so good at just going-ghost, about deciding someone just wasn't cool-enough. something about that is super ironic. even the parts of it that weren't romantic felt like a romance book. i wanted you to like me so badly i scrubbed myself clean just so you'd spare me - what. your favor? a look?
okay okay okay. it's just a friendship - if it was even true that we were friends, if you even saw me as someone you trusted. on reddit someone would tell me girl literally just cut her out of your life, it's not that difficult. even i was aware of how fucked up the whole situation was. like, why the fuck do i even care about your approval? you're like, not even that fun to be around. you are often a little bit cruel.
but for almost four years of my life, i thought i had found someone like me. somebody who liked the same things i do. someone who liked to read and who liked making jokes with esoteric references and who spent maybe too much time on the internet and who was absolutely a little bit pretentious. i don't know, something about that was powerful and addictive.
i keep thinking about our last conversation. about how i said - okay, enough is enough. you pushed me too far, you really hurt my feelings.
and how you laughed and said - you think you're the victim?
#spilled ink#warm up#writeblr#she physically assaulted me and then screamed in my face#but not before sh'ing first and blaming it on me#while she was locked in my bathroom. at 1 in the morning#while i begged her to please just calm down and to try taking a deep breath and to go to sleep#and then she was like - ur just like my abuser#bc she had screamed in my face which was triggering to me and i froze like a deer in the headlights#and since i had shut down at that point evidently i was the problem child#i know she is out there telling our mutual friends i abandoned her and it makes me SO pissed off#like dude you spent so much fucking time forgiving & forgetting that your decrepit asshole of a boyfriend#pushed me down in the fucking hallway#but noooo hes <3 troubled <3 at 43 and divorced#bc according to you it's important that u don't '''see anyone as a monster''#but god forbid i not handle you SCREAMING IN MY FACE#i couldnt even get you to say sorry for crossing my original and only boundary you were like ''what did you want me to do''#babe i said 'the bf is not allowed around here he scares me and u said ur broken up with him'#that was the thing i wanted you to do: not fucking invite him to WHERE I LIVED#godddd typing this shit out and knowing it's only 2% of what actually happened makes me feel pathetic#i can't believe i let you treat me like that. you were a TERRIBLE friend.
776 notes
·
View notes
Text
Aaron: we’re constantly in mortal peril because of your bitchass boyfriends and somehow I’m the bad guy????
#aftg#incorrect aftg#except is it though?#aaron minyard#I’m feeling tired on his behalf today#I’m not saying Aaron is right but I do get it#Aaron: oh my God why did you agree to fight the /yakuza/ Andrew what the hell#he literally plays stick ball for the sports scholarship so he can go to med school#and his gremlin brother keeps adopting yakuza escapees#he does not want to be roped into this shit#andrew minyard#I know Kevin isn’t his bf but he got bf privileges pre-Neil#twinyards#andriel#or#kandriel#if you want it to be#feverdreamsandlucidnightmares
86 notes
·
View notes
Text
Rangi: See? I told you I could do it! Kirima: I'm....honestly amazed. Can't believe you did this all out of spite. Rangi: Spite is the best motivator. Kirima: Not Kyoshi? Rangi: Spite is the second best motivator.
#rangshi#rangi sei'naka#rangi#rangi seinaka#kirima#rise of kyoshi#shadow of kyoshi#chronicles of the avatar#based on an actual irl convo i had with my bf just now (except replace kyoshi with 'my cat' fdmakslfdj)#'what did rangi do?' up to you the more insane the better imo
56 notes
·
View notes
Note
Cutie patootie again 🥺🥺
Lmao I'm sorry I'm always bringing Ford discourse but like !!!!! You're one of the only people online who like sees the bad in every character!! So many fans have been saying how Stanley has never done wrong and fuck Ford but like it's only cause Stanley is a guy who shows very obviously he loves his family and we got 2 whole seasons with the guy
This is probably why I really am hoping Alex gets the go ahead with a sequel! Stan and Ford show to flesh out their relationship more. Like I know Stanford really shows his feelings in the journal but I swear most of people's literacy is fucking dead 😭😭😭 showing will probably be a lot better than telling
I guess I feel really bad for Ford cause he's a victim who isn't uwu I am traumatized. Like there's NOTHING wrong with traumatized people being very teary eyed and soft spoken individuals. Fuck it honestly that's me to a fucking t. But other victims are rude and they do get angry easily. Ford reminds me a lot of Steven from the Haunting of Hill House. They just express their grief and trauma in a much more anger and sarcastic emotional response than others. And like it pretty much confirms in the Book of Bill that Stanford was gonna keep the book a secret also!! He says at first it's to protect his family but later admits it's because he still feels shame in having Bill trick him. In believing all of his lies. He still feels shame for almost causing the apocalypse and letting his pride separate from his brother for 40 years at this point!! Idk idk I'm rambling again but I honestly really love characters like Ford that show that victims don't always act the same but they deserve just as much respect and love all the same. They deserve a second chance and they deserve to be happy. 💜
No it's okay anon! I love having these conversations! I'm sorry it took me so long to answer, I've been really busy.
I have no idea if any of this makes sense but I hope it does because it's taken me like 2 and a half hours to write....
TL;DR - In my opinion, the entire show is about cycles of abuse. Ford and Stan are both imperfect victims for different reasons. They suffered abuse differently. Don't look at and judge them from the place that they start at: Do it from where they end up.
TW: Abuse, suicide, discussion of personal irl abuse.
All below the cut:
You're right about us having more information to work with with Stan v. Ford, but I also think people have a tendency to put Stan on a pedestal because he is, ultimately, the more relatable twin. Not many people are on Ford's wavelength in the sense of intelligence (I'm certainly not) and I would venture to say not many people fell through a portal and spent 30 thirty years in different dimensions running from/trying to defeat their arch enemy....
Alongside that, the twins experienced abuse and reacted to it very differently, and it can be hard to examine those differences fairly, and to see why both types are as bad as the other, especially because one is more obvious and likeable than the other.
They remind me a LOT of my familial situation in interchangeable ways.
My life ran parallel to Stan's for a long time (ironically enough Gravity Falls came out when I'd just been kicked out of home) and I had a sibling who was the 'golden child' for my family. I was the screw up black sheep and they were the one with potential.
That designation is neither mine nor my sibling's fault. It's the fault of my family for putting those labels on two kids who really had no chance, right from the day we were born, but who were forced to adopt them regardless. I think Stan and Ford are the same.
Where I suffered more direct abuse (physical, psychological etc) because I was reactive and was left in the firing line as the scapegoat (Stan), my sibling was held close by my parents and 'protected' because they were seen as well behaved and offered my parents what they wanted: Someone to control and push for success (Ford). They were still abusing my sibling, just in a different way.
I spiralled and went on to live a life where I was only ever in danger and at risk. I made my peace very early on in life (I think maybe before I was about 10?) that the people who were supposed to love me unconditionally, couldn't stand me, valued me as lesser than my sibling, and didn't want me. But I wanted to Be Somebody and prove my value and worth to everyone else to make up for that, which meant I fell into the wrong hands and did all I could to try and be that ideal for others in the hopes they wouldn't see me as my parents did.
I separated from my family early and went off alone, despite really always being alone, and was 'okay' with that (spoiler, I was not!). I also suffered abuse in the way Ford did and my sibling in the way Stan did to varying degrees too. We're all rarely aligned with one specific character because abuse is, unfortunately, incredible versatile.
My sibling, however, stayed with my mother (our whole family abused us, but I'll stick with parents now because it's most relevant. Our parents divorced when we were young and my dad was our 'primary abuser', but only because he was more blatant with it) and my sibling went to an excellent school because my family saw their potential and submissiveness as an opportunity. A meal ticket.
Their career and life was facilitated because I suppose my family also wanted them to 'make up for me' and get the kid they'd always wanted out of my sibling, which is a lot of pressure to put on a child. They went on to be successful (still are, I'm very proud of them) whereas I couldn't/can't keep a stable job and turned to sex work to survive (there is nothing wrong with sex work blah blah but being forced into it at a young age does have negative consequences, no matter what anyone says).
My sibling was emotionally and psychologically manipulated but also treated in a way that could be misconstrued as being loved. I would think that for them, that was hard to understand that that wasn't truly the case. I think Ford was the same in that respect, especially when he craves acceptance so much.
Those are both types of abuse but in different ways. My sibling lives with the guilt and shame of being 'the one who didn't get it as bad', and can't quite accept that they were never really loved (which is embarrassing to admit and I think/hope they will come to terms with that one for their own sake), and I live with the childish resentment of them being 'the one my parents never wanted' and with the absolute hatred of how unfairly I was treated by people who were supposed to love me unconditionally.
You can see where this is going, right?
Stan and Ford suffered equally in that same way, all throughout their lives in varying ways, and in my other response to you we talked more in depth about how Ford specifically was manipulated his entire life. I think Ford was made to be responsible at a young age and forced to carry this weight on his shoulders, and then as an adult had that insecurity worsened and coaxed by Bill.
Stan deep down knew his father hated him, and despite still wanting his love, eventually knew he wasn't going to get it. I mean, no one even came to his fake funeral for god's sake. Image how that must feel?
Stan grew to spot the signs of abuse and avoid it to the best of his ability. He was still vulnerable of course, but he was more street smart and clued up after a while. He didn't fall for Bill's flattery because he looked at Bill and saw his father. He recognised abuse.
Me and my sibling are the same.
Now, because of the differences in our abuse, my sibling and I turned out to be very different people. They still interact with my family (although they don't enjoy it but do so out of a sense of guilt and duty, and that they have to take care of them). I have nothing to do with any of them because fuck 'em.
I'm very emotional and can be unstable or rude (I have BPD), but love deeply and am sometimes overtly considerate of other people's feelings to my detriment because no cared about mine. I struggle with needing to be loved and being a chameleon who adapts their personality to those around them in order to be most liked and maximise that. I don't have a real identity, just the one I craft in the moment. I even worked/work in sales because having that ability makes it easy to pick up on people's emotional state and manipulate it, for better or worse. I have also done bad things and been cruel to others, I've also had an inflated ego and sometimes still do. I'm the Stan, for the most part, but I've experienced Bill-like abuse too and been the Ford.
My sibling can be spiteful and often acts like the things that happened me didn't actually happen the way I think they did and they minimise my feelings. They struggle to apologise and also behave in a way that is similar to my abusers, but I don't believe they do that maliciously. I think they don't know any better and haven't had the space to mature and come to terms with that. They have a bit of an ego, too. They're the Ford, mostly.
(This isn't to say I'm none of those things, because I can be and my sibling can be all the things I am at times)
I have to remember that they're still in contact with our abusers and were heavily manipulated against me growing up. They still get the Wormtongue treatment, as we said about Ford. They're still affected. They are also the only person I still see because we're in this together and they genuinely love me (as I do them). They're funny and cool and they love as deeply as I do.
My sibling and I, and Stan and Ford, were both raised in the same barn and we're from the same stock; of course we have the traits of our parents. It would be impossible not to. My sibling and I just learn to smother those parts as best we can as we mature and the process of doing so never really ends. I would say I'm a little better at it than my sibling is, but I'm also older and realised my abuse far sooner than they did. I've had longer to come to terms with it, like Stan did.
Stan was aware of his father's abuse much earlier and although I think he struggled to accept it, he eventually realised much sooner than his brother that he was being abused.
Ford wasn't able to mature because he was so busy working and then surviving. He eventually was forced to come to terms with his abuse by both Bill and by others, and it must have sucked to have that realisation so late in life. I have another family member that that exact thing happened to, and the shame we all feel at being taken advantage like that is immense. That's why post-portal Ford is so different in my mind. It breaks or makes you and it is very embarrassing to accept.
But both of them exacted their resentment and sadness and insecurities out on others: Stan literally scammed people out of their money because he wanted to be rich and committed other crimes That's a really bad thing to do!
Yes, Ford was manipulative and tough on others because he'd been taught to be, and I think he truly believed in his youth that he "turned out fine!" (a favourite one-liner of mine from people who are in denial about their abuse) because he couldn't accept it.
It was wrong of both of them to do the things they did, and there is no excuse for it, but we can understand where that behaviour came from if we examine them both fairly.
What matters is that eventually both Stan and Ford matured into people who recognised why they were in the wrong. They stopped that cycle of abuse by finding love and forgiving one another, and by finding their their family.
Stan and Ford were able to redeem themselves. They both have a plethora of faults but an absolute encyclopedia of positives, too. It just took them a long time to unlearn and they have to continue to unlearn those until they die.
All victims are imperfect victims because there's no such thing as a perfect one. Victims carry shame, victims can be aggressive, victims can repeat the mistakes of their abusers no matter how much they think they don't. Maybe they don't respond to their trauma 'the way that they should' (which is bullshit, by the way. There is no right or wrong way to be a victim).
When I suffered (a different, non family related) major trauma, I wasn't believed (by that same friend I talked about in the other ask) because I hadn't, in their opinion, reacted in the way I supposed to react. I wasn't sad enough or traumatised enough, when in actual fact I was all of those things but was too ashamed and afraid to show it to others until it got so bad that I couldn't hold it in anymore. I protected myself through jokes and being blasé about it.
Ford is a great example of a more obvious imperfect victim. He is a product of his environment and he protects his vulnerabilities with egoism. The most egotistical of us are the most insecure.
Stan is also an imperfect victim, just more obviously so. He was portrayed from the start as likeable and funny, but he is the same as his brother.
Initially Stan was as cantankerous and mean as he was silly, remember. But he changed over time. We get to see the toll his abuse took on him because he learned to come to terms with that shame and told the audience about it through his actions and behaviours. We actually saw his backstory in detail and saw how he learned to love the kids. We saw his vulnerability whereas Ford refuses to and struggles to lower that guard and show his soft spots.
Ford is portrayed in a very specific light that I think does him an injustice at times and contributes to the misunderstanding of his personality.
Ford's vulnerability is hard for him to reveal (to those around him and the audience) because he couldn't afford to be vulnerable during his time in the portal or with Bill. Vulnerability kills when you're not showing it to the right people and when he did show his vulnerable side to Bill (he didn't have the answers he thought he was so capable of having and had to swallow that bitter pill and ask for help), he was betrayed and hurt really awfully.
Ford then went on the exact same journey Stan did when Stan was kicked out of home, except Ford was 30 plus and in an interdimensional nightmare instead of the USA. They both suffered. (And also, the US might as well have been a different dimension for Stan at his young age because it was just a foreign to him as space was to Ford. Earth is cruel no matter where you are).
Anyway.... All of that is to say, nobody comes out of abuse clean.
Some of us become unlikeable and unfriendly, and sometimes even abusive ourselves. A lot of us learn to survive in any way we can and sometimes that is at the detriment of others.
But what really matters is how we unlearn those behaviours and how we grow.
Don't look at and judge Ford or Stan from the place that they start: Do it from where they end up.
I'd also like to add that just because you might be a dick, it doesn't mean you deserve to be abused and I see a lot of people say that Ford deserved what he got, and that pisses me off so fucking badly.
Again: disclaimer these are just my own feelings do not come for me thank u
#asks#anon#stan pines#stanley pines#stanford pines#ford pines#gravity falls#bill cipher#ford asks#stan asks#this is so ott and stupid I'm sorry#*my bf*: what did I specifically ask you not to do?#*me*: get on my soap box....#*my bf*: and what did you do?#*me#sadly*: got on my soapbox....
31 notes
·
View notes
Text
favourite stupid relationship dynamic: idiots who would immediately protect and defend the other but never themself
#still thinking about how lxl just takes whatever life throws at them without fighting back (esp in the lxl movie)#so it was up to the other (mainly yujiro) to do the protecting (of aizo) since he was clearly not going to do anything about it#poor yujiro never fought back against the longleg/shortleg until aizo was brought up… no sense of self-preservation with that one#‘you can mess with me but not my bf!!!!!’ kind of energy#ig aizo did kind of defend yujiro in the [redacted] anime ep 4 nonsense and pointless scandal scene but that’s about it…#give aizo more chances to play the hero for his cute bf!!!!! the princess carry wasn’t enough!!!!#though. ngl it’s kinda funny how aizo’s always portrayed as the husband and yujiro the wife in their r/s (see: meoto)#but yujiro is always the one fighting for aizo’s honour. l&k novel (i think; still havent read it). lxl movie. chizu hallway scene (kind of)#and even in honeypre he got aizo the werewolf costume (instead of the pumpkin). he was the one who gave aizo a gift on white day (like a bf)#he even turned aizo into a worried wife when he (the bumbling husband) wandered out till late in kyoto to look for a *phone strap*#hm. well. im not sure what the point im trying to make is other than the fact that lxl are idiots for each other ig#they may be really really stupid but they love(?) and support each other (in a sense)… two menaces in a pod.#they should just get married (again)#though speaking of lxl marriage remember when that music magazine spread misinfo about how meoto was set in the sengoku era#and everyone believed it? the mv sure shocked everyone in more ways than one lmaooooooo#lxl twt was on fire that day. ‘horns??? a fantasy setting????? what happened to the sengoku era?????’ it was so funny you h a d to be there#but. hm. we’ve had quite a lxl content drought… disregarding the [redacted] mv they havent been seen in 4 months#throwing out a guess that they’ll get a new song for a winter comiket cd or sth. idk#sure hope that lxl do not get a new song or mv before kimikawaii release though bc that’d be unfairrrrrrrrr
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
GOODNIGHT FRIENDS ,, hope u all had a wonderful day,,, and that life is being kind to u,,,, !!!! but can someone pls hold me tight and let me know things will be okay !! my sleep has been so bad cause i don't like being home alone :(( !! also im sorry i haven't written anything today :(( i wanted to but just,,, one of those days :(( !! aaaa late night thoughts are so stinky !!! sorry for the negativity im just a bit sad and lonely !! night three of being home alone and it's not going well ,,, and i need u guys T-T
#. when we kiss or dance in the sky ; ooc#;; so lonely so sad#;; sorry for being so down and stinky tonight#;; my bf is asleep and idk what to do !!#negative tw#vent tw#;; idk how you tag sad stuff but i think i did this right ??#;; again . . sorry for being so low !! i dont know who to talk to#;; so i yap at you all
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
if any of you are still feeling weird about that infamous interview, here is what alex said about it (and why that ashley girl doesn't like him). i really want to point out that what alex says here is the exact same thing us, miles fans have been saying since forever. so, if you are a fan of alex, but throw shit at miles, just remember that your favourite also supports him. and maybe think twice before starting arguments with miles fans and keep in mind that alex has the same opinion about it all.
Alongside Arctic Monkeys, Turner has a long-term side-project called The Last Shadow Puppets with his best friend, the Birkenhead singer-songwriter Miles Kane. During the promotion for their last album, the two did an interview with a female journalist from the music webzine Spin. Turner was being his usual unforthcoming self, so Kane attempted to break the ice with some groan-inducing banter. This included inviting the journalist up to his hotel room when she asked what he was doing after the interview, which, in hindsight, was pretty stupid (he realised as much the next day and emailed her to say sorry). The result, though, was a lengthy op-ed calling out Kane’s unprofessionalism and the misogyny of the music industry at large. Personally, I found some of her complaints against him a tad flimsy — holding eye contact for too long, high-fiving her, “yanking” her in “for a not entirely consensual kiss on the cheek” as she said goodbye, and not least the idea that interviewing a rock star is ever supposed to be an exercise in professionalism. What did Turner make of it all? He sighs. “I think he made a joke he shouldn’t have made and realised he had misjudged the situation.” I thought it was a bit OTT, I tell him. “Yeah, I’m not sure it was deserving of that response honestly, but you just can’t make a joke like that.”
(from 2018, this interview)
#also he didn't exactly invite her; just joked about inviting her (which was still wrong)#also pointing it out that i also think that his 'jokes' were wrong. i also would've thought he's a dick. but alex said it brilliantly.#there was a misunderstanding between the two of them; he made the joke; realised he shouldn't have and that he misjudged the situation;#apologised; never did anything similar to this again#let. it. go. he's proved countless times ever since then that he is a decent human being. open your eyes; look it up; do your research#or if you don't want to then don't interact with him/his fans at all#btw this interview is absolutely horrendous#only read it if you want to lose your mind a bit#imagine getting alex turner to let you into his home and then only ask him questions about his gf; bf; taxes; what he spends his money on;#etc. my god.#also he talks about not being in taylor's ig posts: and says he#“doesn't recall submitting that request; but he's not sorry about it if he's not on there.”#makes you think#(and then the fact that this is from may and he talks about being 'settled down'; then they 'break up' in june. smh)#alex turner#miles kane#ashley reese#tlsp
44 notes
·
View notes
Text
i feel rly sad and conflicted abt one of my best friends on earth but idk who to ask for advice bc i usually would have consulted her in this situation lmao
#shes cool and i dont want to lose her and i know Logically i love her but atm i feel so strange towards her#and idk what to do abt it bc i know in the past ive like...over-communicated a lot and over the last few yrs ive been trying to not do that#bc thats an anxious impulse i think .so like . self control#AND IMPORTANTLY . i may actually be the problem here ?? ok again i love her i dont want to lose her etc but basically ive noticed a pattern#which is that whenever she gets a bf/a man (even fwb) in her life she basically stops talking to me and the limited interactions we do have#become abt him. and while i support her it is acc too much. like we barely talked while she was w her ex bf until he became abusive and#then we talked a lottt like all our convos understandably were abt him . and then when they broke up we kept hanging out so i didnt rly see#the pattern there but still she seemed to centre men a lot in her life like sbe was excited to not date and find herself and then#immediately afterwards started seeing this other guy with whom shes basically in a relationship now#hes nice and all but like . HES ALL SHE TALKS ABT . actually we barely talk atp but when we do its abt him#she sends me reels sometimes but its all abt being jealous abt him etc . and shes bi but she said she doesnt like the idea of dating women#bc theyre scary . and i thought she was kidding in the ohhh women r so beautiful that theyre intimidating way but no she was being entirely#fr . she explained jts bc she was bullied by a girl in the past but like...bro ur ex bf literally abused you like surely you see men are#capable of just as much harm? but obvs who she dates is her own choice . but anyway she has consistently made plans w me then cancelled the#like an hr before . or asked to call me and then proceeded to not do so . when i ask her to meet/call its the same she just doesnt respond#or she cancels ? and while i understand anxiety sucks it feels SO WEIRD STILL . maybe im the problem slightly too bc ik i have no right to#feel this way but it rubs me the wrong way that ik she has so much time to spend w him/calls him all the time despite meeting him just a fe#months ago whereas i just have to like ...be ok w not actually having talked to her for a long time#its gotten to the point where when she says do you wanna meet/call i automatically respond yes and then just assume it doesnt happen . like#there have been several times over the past few months i double booked plans over when we were supposed to call/meet bc i was sure she#wouldnt show up and ive been right each time#like she sends me texts that she misses me or im her best friend etc etc occasionally and then acts rly . contrary to that ?#ive talked to her abt the issue w cancelling on me twice btw. when i was still dating the situationship person she would get sooo mad at#them for not respecting my time and shed tell me i deserve better etc etc and then like . she doesnt seem to respect my time at all#anyway she said she understand and she admits to like...being flaky etc but does nothing abt it#and its not like i can tell her to stop caring so much abt men bc we sorta had convos like that b4 she got This involved w this guy#and apparently it did nothing and the last thing i want is to police her relationships or get in her way#its just AUSHD AUGH#anyway i rly miss her it just doesnt feel the same at all anymore
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
Another self insert based entirely one someone else's self insert. @lunayumes has such a habit of making the prettiest and loneliest self inserts, but unlike Your Turn to Die I've SEEN Dungeon Meshi and thus can make her at least a little less lonely.
Emile's a Gnome/Half-Foot hybrid who was raised by his parents far from most civilization. When his mother (half-foot) died of old age his father (gnome) took his own life, unable to live without his wife, leaving their son of indeterminate age completely abandoned on a farm in the middle of No Where.
Emile saved up the funds to leave his home and go traveling in hopes of learning more about his heritage and culture he was deprived of and eventually found himself on The Island. Naturally he gravitated to the local library to read everything they had on Gnome and Half-Foot culture and History. This is also where he meets Emi, who goes to the library mostly just to get out of her empty house when he husband, Chilchuck, is away.
Neither of them are very sociable people, but eventually Emile works up the courage to talk to this very pretty Half-Foot he sees regularly. Surprisingly, they have a lot in common and end up hitting it off.
Emile eventually convinces Emi to leave Chilchuck, partly because he's formed a crush on the woman, but mostly because she's his friend and he wants what's best for her, and this clearly wasn't it. He knows what it's like to be alone all the time. When Chilchuck eventually comes back to talk to Emi and the two make up, Emile remains pretty Anti-Chilchuck for a while afterwards, mostly just giving him dirty looks. Emi doesn't seem to notice.
That's about all I have. Again thanks to @lunayumes for letting me use her S/I as a base for mine!! Anything is subject to change at you're request!!
#Emile's Arts#I remember when Emmy was tossing this S/I idea around before she finished the manga#She had the concept of Emi going in the dungeon as well#I still really like that idea thus the first comic#We ALMOST did it. So close.#What if my S/I had a crush on your S/I..... And we were both from Dungeon Meshi...... dskjfjdkfjds#I don't know WHY I did that btw#It just felt like a fun story element#This woman loves her husband does NOT notice this other guy has a crush on her#Too focused#Which ya know what fair#EVENTUALLY I might ship this S/I with someone else but honestly#Doubtful#I love Dungeon Meshi but other than a little crush on Laios no one's really calling out to me atm#So friendship S/I it is <3#I love doing this btw if you have a media you think I should Self Insert into with you#Hit me up because I'll do it#The only one I've done like this I haven't posted is my One Piece S/I I made with my BF Zayne#I should draw that one at some point....
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
🎉 [ Art from 2022-2023 ] 🎉
Happy Birthday to my most favorite person in the world, the love of my life 🖤
I still can't believe this'll make our 10th year of being best friends and even more I can't believe we get to celebrate our 8th anniversary this summer 💖💕
Commission Info | Ko-Fi | My Links
#I was gonna type out more but I decided I didn't want to be too sappy and emotional on main#so much has happened in these past 10 years#I can't believe I made it this far I really did not think I was going to have a future#but I did and I do#I have the most wonderful partner who I connect with in a way I never thought was possible#I am capable of being loved I am capable of loving in return#I learned how to love myself and be unapologetically myself for myself#I lost a lot of people and some very much for the better#I've become so so much happier my god I never thought I'd ever know what this felt like#I'm still angry and numb and having to battle depression but I've grown I've finally become someone worth being proud of#I'm no longer letting that anger and grief and everything that comes with it take over#I can't believe I've actually become gentler and kinder#I can't believe I've actually made genuine friends with people who are nice and caring and supportive#and are actually happy to see me and not trying to take advantage of me at every opportunity I'm finally seen as a person#I can't believe I'm finally in a safe environment I don't have to be terrified anymore I'm not going to be hurt anymore#I can't believe how far I've come creatively bc of how much bf has supported my every passion wholeheartedly#he is the reason I have a drawing tablet he is the one who encourages me and cheers on everything I do#god I still don't know how I could ever in my life thank you enough for every goddamn wonderful thing you do for me#you have changed everything for the better none of this would have ever happened if it wasn't for you#it's always been you#I fucking love you#more than anything in this universe and the next#forever and always#my art#glad I listened to my first tag lmao
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
so used to walking on eggshells when my sibling was upset or angry i dont know how to handle when other people are upset. even if theyre not upset with me
#personal#my bf is feeling tired nd upset nd im just like 'i will make myself as small and unnoticeable as possible as to not offend you'#might do what i did with my ex whenever theyre were upset/upset with me md regress#i dont know how to handle people
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
the arm still bothers me sm, but i refuse to continue trying to fix this.
#hes my 'totally not a qunari ripoff' oc#i would actually make him a qunari if i wasnt so shit at making fandom ocs#im scared of making him really noncanon#also his bf is literally a vampire but i think dragon age only has ONE mention of vampires or at least something vampire adjacent#and my pookie is a generic vampire xddd#id have to change it somehow but idk how auguhguhg#is it possible for him to be an elf with a demon that basically makes him a vampire LMFAO#i think dragon age had a codex that basically did that#and istg ill steal that concept#any games that have really indepth and complex races and character backgrounds scare me tbh#like i used to make so many undertale ocs but thats because you can be like ERM WELL they work in *insert old or new location!*#like if i properly had this oc as a qunari id have to be like 'ok is he in the qun? if yes then what did he do?' etc. etc.#and im too dumb auguhugfhufg#idk i probably will make them dragon age ocs bc theyre already partially there lolol#male oc#my oc#male character#my character#original character#male#digital art#paint tool sai#style practice#anatomy practice#kwyoz.ocs
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
ATFC s1e8 Jerry has me fucking sick to my stomach about Simon's, "Wha- No, no! Why would I??"
I kinda am wondering if his lack of reaching Chaos Betty is maybe bc she now doesn't want him to reach her. If she's still kinda Betty, anyway.
Edit: I just finished my second rewatch and I do wonder where Golbetty is portalling him. 👀
#i mean. if i became half chaos deity & i could see the beginning & end of all & then realized the love of my life never really saw me......#i might block and fuck up his attempts to reach me too#did he ever give a damn about her career?? like in their 'normal' human lives??#she became useful for his work. would they have even bonded over her work??? did they at all in the original AT? bc i dont think so. :(#also he tried to not listen to her until she just said her thoughts on the vase or ran over the snake rocks. like she wasn't potentially#intelligent to him until she proved she was actually intelligent to him. like he just assumed he new better until she just did what she had#to do to prove herself. it was actually annoying to me the whole time. :(#i was glad that he wanted her to take credit for the expedition with him... but he also didnt fight for her there???#im kinda mad at Betty at that moment too. Betty. darling. you did work too lol#ugh. i hate that Simon is just “why would i go with her??” simon is a dumbass. hes all girldad but im wondering if he was a onesided bf :(#adventure time: fionna & cake#adventure time: fionna and cake#atfc#atfc s1e8#simon petrikov#betty grof#chaos betty#golbetty#aunt posting
39 notes
·
View notes
Text
sorry but I could never look at my own kids and be like "you owe ME" like I think if you do that you're a shitty parent
#vaguing about my bfs mom bc i just gkt off the phone with my mom abt how im stressed abt moving#and she was like oh have you tried asking either of gavins oarents to help the move or his grandparents .#they literally refuse despite his grandma and father having funds...yet his mom has the gall to asl for 500 dollars a month#while she pays for his brothers schooling and takes basically nothing from his bum ass no life brother#like ok now im angry because what did gavin do to u....be born? youre the one who cant keep your spending under control#and you want HIM to pay for your mistakes because he owes you by virtue of being your son? yet you do not uphold the same concept on your#other bum son ? okay whatever like i#CANNOT STAND THESE PEOPLE ANYMOREEEEEEE I#and then of course his dad is like 'pull urself up by ur bootstraps' YOU ARE INSANE AND ALSO A CHEATER I WANT TO HEAR NONE OF IT BALD NIGGA
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
I went to a birthday party yesterday partly to "change environment" and spend time with people, but I came home antsier than ever and with even less desire to socialize
I guess part of therapy is learning how to see the line between "stepping outside of the comfort zone to improve" and "harming yourself"
#vent#some parts were my fault and some were theirs#i knew only a few people and others were strangers who wanted to know me#when they asked about my life i managed to impress them with my weightlifting competitions and i was happy#but then that one asshole was like 'oh i left you that you were studying did you finish?'#and there i am lying again#no i didn't look for jobs in my area. i'm lying leave me alone :^)#also i don't know what the fuck is wrong with some guys there#there's one who a few weeks ago insisted on playing matchmaker with me and another guy (who wasn't there yesterday)#dude didn't even know if i had a bf#and yesterday not only he was there keeping the game but another guy started to jokingly flirt with me????#touching my shoulder because 'you're cool' (as in not hot)#and at one point hugging and giving me a peck on the cheek?#no one said anything but bro whomst the fuck are you i met you today???#stop putting me under the spotlight please#no no no no i need to recover it was a mistake#i feel guilty because i can tell they wanted to include me and i appreciate it#i live my life with the assumption that no one cares about me especially irl#but this is too much i can't do it
14 notes
·
View notes