#*- literal self identifying drag queens

[bakeonlyforyouself]

Decided to check out a lesbian dating app, and I'm genuinely appalled by the number of men on there. I'm not even dipping my toe into trans aspects here - cisgender men, men in drag*. These spaces are not for you! Get the fuck out!

[genderqueerdykes]

i love you so much i love the way u talk abt trans men and our struggles i makes me feel so seen especially bc youre older than me, i want to be understood , keep posting please

THANK YOU !!

i appreciate that. i feel like nobody (aside from some very cool bloggers on here) is advocating for trans men anymore. like unless its a trans man talking about these issues, it just doesn't happen. nobody advocates on our behalf for the most part. everyone just leaves us to the weeds. we have to help each other because most people just don't even understand what trans men and mascs want. like it's absolutely positively insanity inducing

when i was in college, at my pride group, there were just. no conversations about trans men. at all. in fact. at the time i was beginning to realize i was a trans man but i couldn't find support or acknowledgement of transmasculinity anywhere. whenever i would participate in the conferences, and large group meetings for LGBTQ communities in our part of the country... I was forced into queer women's groups. i did not identify as a woman or bigender at that time. i asked them where a female-to-male genderqueer person should go, and they put me in every queer women's group. i was not being considered trans. i was being viewed as a cis butch lesbian.

i was fucking pissed.

i learned the word transgender and what it meant and the example that was given was male to female, which was informative. i heard a lot of things about feminine transition, drag queens, cis gay male culture, bisexuality, pansexuality, and even asexuality. i want you to know that my college's pride group in 2011 - 2012 was more accepting of asexual people than trans men, which is insane for that time frame. i was actually allowed to help with a presentation on asexuality

i had to go online and research trans men, though. there were none to be found in the group that were at least out and able to talk to each other. we were all very stealth and nervous. my long term friends there ended up being gay men, lesbians, and a transfem agender person. i never met a single trans man there. it was heartbreaking.

i am tired of participating in transmasculine silence. i will not participate in self-erasure. trans men are trans. we're men. we're mascs. we NEED support, community, and care. we need to learn how to access transition resources, to comfort each other, to laugh with each other, to help each other find what clothes make us feel like ourselves, to say each other's names and pronouns, to see one's self in the other.

we need people who will protect us from misgendering. we need to be able to talk about our unique issues. we need to be able to talk about how yes, we experience misogyny, but also that transandrophobia is literally a thing. we need people who will stand up for femme trans men and gay trans men. we need people who understand that it's not okay to call every single trans man a confused butch lesbian and assume that they're a queer cis woman. trans men can be butch lesbians and that's okay. but you can't rip away a trans man's manhood for the sake of being a catty asshole. it's misgendering. it's transphobia. care about being transphobic. transphobia hurts all trans people no matter where it's directed. we all lose when you opt to deny trans men and mascs the right to community.

i am transmasculine. i am a trans man. i love being a trans man. i'm not ashamed. i'm not going back in the closet. i love my transmasculine brothers and siblings. i will not silence them. silencing them is a disservice to us all. i refuse to do that to us.

thank you for sending this ask. stay safe, take care of yourself, you're an important part of the LGBTQ community, don't let anyone take that from you.

[tirfpikachu]

i think so many wrongly trans-identified people - which obvs isn't all trans folks, just ppl like me as a detrans dyke - are just gender criminals. they're made to think that means they need to separate themselves from their agab/sex entirely instead of just seeing themselves as a post-gender sexed creature, like a female rabbit or male dog, just a neutral body type while messing around with gender roles.

i fought all the gender off my body like it was a plague taking over me from my sexist misogynistic upbringing and Society tm. you can be cis/non-trans and still be post-gender. you can be gnc as hell and not be trans or dysphoric about your sex, or disassociating from your sex category, and instead just be anti-gender. you don't need to be trans or nonbinary to be post-gender and gnc. it can even be a political thing, a protest against the patriarchy. you just can't assume that every cis person has stereotypical cis privilege. you just can't assume that anyone who isn't trans-identified or nonbinary-identified doesn't face gncphobia that can be just as horrific as transphobia, or be uncomfortable with the gender roles forced on them. anyone visibly gnc or transitioned, or both, faces bigotry in society. this should be a better indicator of oppression than simple label terms. it should be about real, tangible experiences of gncphobia, misogyny, sexism etc.

this is why nonbinary used to not be a trans-exclusive term, btw. some people truly were like "i'm cis, i'm not trans, but i'm agender." but then people jumped in and yelled that no, that couldn't be true, they must all be trans and they must all be dysphoric, even when the person was straight up openly like no, i'm not trans, i'm fine with my sex, i just think gender roles are dumb and i think being nonconforming is cool. but that's not the case anymore; you say anything about gender being stupid, hating gender roles, hating how you're treated for being female or being male and feminine, and boom! people say you're a repressed trans person and you need to accept your "true self" away from the category of your birth sex, instead of expanding what it means to be a man/woman. you can't say you're male/female and just fooling around with presentation. unless you're a gay male drag queen of course, but even then many get pressured nowadays to identify one way or another. this helps nobody. literally nobody. just like telling a bi person they're a repressed lesbian, or telling someone straight that they "look gay" is shitty and unhelpful, and honestly often gncphobic, sexist & biphobic/homophobic... you can't simply say that someone is looking or acting trans. the feeling of not belonging to your sex category to an extreme extent, of being dysphoric, is not something you can tell from the person's appearance or behavior, right? that's not just gncphobic but also lowkey transphobic to say that you can always "just tell" unless they straight up visibly transitioned (and aren't detrans). it's shitty rhetoric. you can't get all creepily giddy at the thought of someone you know being trans too, just like it's gross when straight girls fetishize their male friend coming out as gay bc they have the classic gay bestie fantasy stuck in their head. with dysphoria there's also an ableist fetishization aspect to it as well, bc it's a disorder but its suffering and treatment is often romanticized even outside the trans community and seen as a fun little glowup. we cannot keep enabling this kind of behavior. it's simply unhealthy and actually reinforces gender roles. we should ALL be post-gender. we should ALL throw away stupid gender roles and instead be ourselves and do what we want, no matter what the patriarchy wants us to do.

it's okay to use the trans label, or to be dysphoric. it's okay to be nonbinary. but it's also okay to not be trans, yet still feel post-gender. this goes doubly for people affected by misogyny and homophobia!

[velvetvexations]

anon really went Ah a trans woman who isnt skinny or hairless or feminine and doesnt want to be (thing that can also be true for cis women) clearly this must be a man. anyway (horny voice) wow you are a foot taller than me

I sure am~!

I don't know if it's your blog aesthetics or your kinks or your outspoken opinions on trans rights that gets me the most but i have a huge crush on you for all of the above

I'm a gift.

The way some of the trfs you reblog talk about "tmes" just sounds so much like the way a lot of incels I've seen talk about women, and it still makes me double take sometimes. I don't have an eloquent explanation of how exactly, but the vibe is just so similar to what I saw as an edgy teen on 4chan and it's so weird to see in places that claim to be "progressive"

lotta resentment

MALL ANON HAS A TUMBLR NOW??? we got side-characters fuck yes

an ever expanding cast

came for the trf takedowns and stayed for the neato aesthetic posts hope youre havin a lovely day miss velvet

thank you!

I’m so sick of people on this website taking every opportunity they get to accuse trans men who are just talking about their oppression of being 1. A violent misogynist 2. Not even trans 3. A straight up rapist or abuser. I’m actually so exhausted.

I know anon, and I'm so, so sorry. It's tiring. Take breaks as often as you can.

TRFs saying they need to post discourse and be rancid shit because theyre doing it for "the transfems who cant" (ex, trans women of color & sex workers) sounds INCREDIBLY similar to TERFs saying they need to Post Discourse and Be Rancid because "women in third world countries cant"

it sure is

Maybe i just misread it wrong but why was that one anon implying its bad for transmen to make “trans ppl should be having crazy t4t sex?” Jokes. Is there anything actually wrong about that joke?

I think you mean person I reblogged? They were saying it was sexual harassment lmao.

I feel like a lot of confusion about terfs and radfeminism is simply because a ton of self identified terfs arent radfems but are ppl whos politics abt men arent as intense (like dog standard gender essentialism) but for a lack of a better term coopt the terf concepts around transphobia.

That's certainly true, the term is becoming rapidly diluted not just from people who call all transphobes TERFs but all transphobes calling themselves TERFs. We're still not to where radical feminism is not at the core of it, though.

Some very weird trans people in the dropout tag are complaining about how dungeons and drag queens "makes them uncomfortable" PLEASE explain to me how this is literally any different from conservatives whose reaction to drag is "icky!!! Gross!" Like??? Do they think its progressive to shit on drag queens? Do they think this is ok because they happen to be trans? They sound like Republicans!

well see transfems who do drag aren't real transfems because something something

thoughts on this applying to transfem TRFs?

Blocked so I have no clue what this says.

Re: wounded gazelle. I don't even think it's always that and on purpose. Sometimes it very very blatantly IS. But other times people feel (understandably!) hurt by the backlash they are receiving and instead of thinking "This feels shitty... but could I possibly be in the wrong?" they think "I'm being attacked! This means I am a victim and therefore correct!" genuinely and through lack of self awareness rather than planned malice. Not always easy to tell the difference though!

They are very stupid and egotistical, that is true yes.

[self-loving-vampire]

As someone who does find tma/tme useful I kind of see them as similar to like, "person of color", where there are clear issues with the literal meaning (racism isn't just based on skin tone, there's minorities that don't have dark skin, less useful the further from a US context you get, etc.) but I still find it useful just to have a term for "primary targets of this bigotry"

Although part of the reason I like it is that I also consider a good few categories who aren't transfem tma. Like, at least a good amount of people who identify as femboys, crossdressers, drag queens, etc, especially those who present fem (or wish they could present fem, since there's surely a resson they don't if so!) all the time in their daily lives are, imo, still primary targets of transmisogyny even if not transfem.

...And I'm pretty sure a lot of the people who go to bat hard for tma/tme would be very mad at that statement, so I'm honestly not sure what utility they get from it lol

I do kind of hope that the idea that being transfeminized is like, a thing done to certain people by society (rather than just self identity) becomes more mainstream on Tumblr though, because I do think that's a better articulation of the concept that better uses of tma are gesturing toward.

Yeah, that's one thing a lot of people could learn from the book. A lot of the groups it happened to did not conceive of themselves as specifically trans women in a modern sense but they get hit with a lot of the same stereotypes. I recall one of the examples given in the book was even a cis man who crossdressed and danced specifically for economic reasons.

I think the comparison to PoC is reasonable enough, but I notice the boundaries for who is "TMA" get policed much more unreasonably than the ones for who is a person of color. It's like if people were taking all of the issues you bring up about its literal meaning and seriously using them to gatekeep who counts, resulting in some absurdities.

It often even results in claims that if you grew up with a certain AGAB you have one particular set of experiences and could not possibly understand the other set, even though it's often things I know for a fact affect even cis women. While statistics might suggest different rates, I'm really skeptical of the idea of completely gender-locked upbringings and experiences that are just beyond understanding if you were not born with certain parts. It kind of reminds me of when radfems act like only AFAB people are ever raised to be submissive or experience sexual violence as if child abuse isn't a normal thing that affects people of all genders.

[lupuspluvio]

🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈PRIDE THEMED OC ASK GAME🏳️‍🌈 🏳️‍⚧️

1. What's your oc's gender identity? What's their relationship to their gender?

2. What's your oc's orientation? (Romantic/sexual/platonic alterous ect) Do they have opinions about it?

4. Is your oc's environment supportive about their identity? How does this impact them?

10. Does your oc celebrate Pride? How?

14. Do you have ocs on the aro or ace spectrum?

19. Do you have preferences about depicting homo/transphobia in your stories? What, and why? Does it vary by story?

20. Have your ocs helped you in self discovery? How?

Ahhh so many! So generous friend! Tempted to answer them all as just one oc but what a nice challenge to choose a different oc for each question!

1. JJ—- JJ identifies as trans masc non binary, what this means to him is that his gender isn’t important but they tend to sway more masculine then feminine. Although because they are non binary he will occasionally try more feminine styles as he gets comfortable with himself. JJ takes testosterone and has had top surgery which immesenly helps any dysphoria and allows that exploration into feminine expression. Basically if JJ was born a cisgender male they’d still be non binarh.

2 & 14. Lyle! Lyle is queer/questioning. He, Kian and Jj are just a few of my characters on the ace/aro spectrum. For Lyle he’s Demi sexual and rangers from hyper-sexual to sex repulsed! Lyle doesn’t think about it all that much because it’s never been an “issue” in a relationship.

4. Luz’s family tries to be supportive but tends to fail, the impact means Luz doesn’t celebrate themselves as they should and feels awkward being openly queer around family and tends to hide away that part- although not literally they are out but without much queer cantered support.

10. Bex goes all out for pride! The fit is picked months before, hair, nails, decor and clothes all chosen to give off the biggest lesbian vibes! She adores the parades but lives for pride nights in clubs. She’s always excited to see the drag queens and get inspo for more looks and loves talking their ears off!

19&20. For me it’s important to show the homo/transphobia that’s more hidden and quiet. It gets to you over time that those around you aren’t trying to support or understand. As well as how hard it can be to have a religious person in the family telling you that you are wrong. There’s lots of examples of transphobia that is in the public eye but I’d like to show it behind closed doors and just how subtle it can be. JJ is probably the oc that helps me the most, to accept my blackness and queerness without erasing the me of the past totally. I write them and feel inspired to follow their footsteps and try old “feminine” things that brought me joy but I stopped to “pass more”.

Thank you for the questions!!!!

[jeanmoreaux]

why did you dislike ses4? and was there anything you enjoyed recently?

oh boy. i think it would be easier to tell you what i DID like about the season. i can count it on one hand. (1) ruby. she's my queen. (2) adam making it explicitly clear that he identifies with the bi label. (3) gillian anderson. she's just soooooo ugh. i love her. (4) NONE OF THE BAD BITCHES CHOOSING OTIS. maeve and ruby both deserve better fr. (5) aimee reclaiming some agency. cannot even think of a sixth thing. that's how bad this season did not worked for me. i said i was not gonna rant but i guess now i am gonna rant a little (trying to keep it short for both of our sakes).

i think there is definitely some more technical and objective stuff that's wrong and with this season and then there is some stuff i personally didn't like but that may work for other people.

objectively, i think the writing was severely lacking in quality. it was SO LAZY. even uninspired. the plot was meandering and the arcs fell extremely flat as a consequence. they randomly introduced interesting internal and external conflicts, sometimes even towards the end of the season, that could have spanned the entire eight episodes, but then they often just drop those ideas like hot potatoes—sometimes by the next episode, sometimes by THE NEXT SCENE (e.g. otis basically taking over a surrogate parent role or feeling like losing his mom, basically everything ruby-centric that wasn't oatis-related, jackson questioning his sexuality, etc.)!! other storylines that didn't have to last for several epsiodes (like jackson's cancer scare) went on for way too long. and the storylines they kept up for several episodes were mostly half-assed. the vivian & beau thing was surface level at most (and rushed af), the ace thing was soooo buried and shoved aside for stupider plotlines (they did o so dirty istfg), same with their approach to adding to the discourse on disability/accessibility, the exploration of jean's sister dealing with her abuse was just almost non-existent, eric's storyline reconciling his sexual and religious identities relied an cheap gimmicks, maeve finding her voice as a writer, jean's postnatal depression (how half-assed that was truly hurt my psych major brain), etc..... and then they dragged these storylines out without giving them any *substance*. like. i SKIPPED two episodes and missed NOTHING (i even did go back to jump through it just now to verify and, yup, did not miss a piece of information i did not gain or infer from the episodes i watched). you know a story is aimlessly wandering around when people can skip 2h of content and not even miss a shrivel of character development. i'd claim almost all storylines and arcs were handled badly. the only one that was well-structured and well-executed (from a storytelling standpoint) was the groff family arc (mind you, not the individual arcs but their arc as a family). AND I DON'T EVEN AGREE WITH THAT STORYLINE FROM AN IDEOLOGICAL STANDPOINT BUT STILL I LIKED IT THE MOST BECAUSE WRITING WISE IT WAS AT LEAST COMPETENTLY HANDLED!!!! like, that's so unfortunate. for me. and don't even get me started on the tonal dissonance WHITIN scenes and BETWEEN scenes. it was so so jarring at times and made the humour NOT land AT ALL (especially the physical humour because holyyy shit what was that). idk if that's editing's fault or if the writers made these decisions or if the producers and executives are to blame, but the inconsistency of mood and tone just really made me feel disconnected from the emotional moment. felt absolutely nothing about what was happening to these characters.

on a more personal level, i took issues with the way they wrote some characters and the content of some arcs. they really reduced maeve's character to nothing (like. i am sorry but her dialogue is so flat and boring, the most meaningful thing she said all season was probably at her mom's funeral.) otis literally learned jackshit. he's still kind of a self-absorbed dick. o was so underutilised and disrespected (they didn't even try to make the ace thing an important plotline). aimee was turned into a grotesque parody of herself. eric's story focusing on religion was HELL to me personally. like, i grew up catholic (which is different to the christianity eric practices but still...), and ngl the way they handled his 'religious' awakening just sent me up the wall. as a queer person who was very involved in church life from a young age and had to reconcile her faith with her queer identity, i felt like his story made a mockery of that struggle and that inner conflict. the visions were ridiculous. it felt like the writers were making fun of the struggle queer people face when (1) wanting to meaningfully engage with faith and religion *OR* (2) wanting to distance themselves from organised religion. additionally it felt like they were making fun of religion & religious faith as a whole, depicting it as this almost psychotic thing to believe in god. and they completely decoupled eric's personal journey to faith from what religion primarily is about for many, many people: community and connection. like, sure, they briefly brushed it i theory, but neglected to real get into the emotional reality and complexity of it. they very much glossed over the fact that religious communities are a source for moral/ethical and social control and even when you disagree with some aspects of the doctrine you will still be affected by it if you grew up in those circles. and your personal reckoning with religion will probably be more tied to THAT (the fear of losing love/support/part of your social circle, ostracisation (because even when you're okay with who you are right from the start it's something that doesn't feel good even when you prepare for it....), feeling disconnected from your former self, struggling to build your own belief system that you feel lie it truly belongs to you etc.). his entire journey was lacking any nuance and complexity in my opinion. and maybe that's because i personally had a different experience reconciling my faith with my sexual identity. i wasn't a self-hating queer either, but breaking away from religion still was a change in my life that impacted me very real and convoluted ways!!! (also like let's be real him becoming a pastor is gonna solve what exactly??? go through the homophobic system to change the homophobic system??? HUH with what power??? you're better of starting a new church fr.) idk. another thing that bugged me was the lack of chemistry in intimate scenes. like. jo and i watched these scenes and. nothing. the lack of chemistry really made me so uncomfortable. it almost made me question if i really do like sex lol. ALSO WHYYYY did they force the aimee and isaac relationship for no reason???? that really didn't have to have to happen. not that i hate it, it's whatever, but i was just so BORING to me. same with the otis and maeve thing. THEY WERE SO BORING. their drama this season was so repetitive and reminiscent of earlier conflicts between them it made me want to rip my hair out. i think i stopped caring about them as a couple after season 2. they don't fit and they don't work yet still the writers were trying to make them a thing for no reason. i could go on but this is already longer than i wanted it to be (yikes). i just want you to know that this season did so many things so badly i ended up not caring about ANYTHING that happened or ANY of the characters (except ruby). they could have all just disappeared and i wouldn't have cared one bit because they were all giving NOTHING. so basically, the season felt like this meme to me, but with a heavy, all-permeating, very petty & derogatory undertone:

okay so now for the things i did watch and enjoy recently (i assume you mean movies/tv shows because i my monthly wrap ups cover my reading). there are quite a few things, actually! ofc i watched barbie which was fun, and oppenheimer which was Very Good. oh, and i watched and liked set it up, and my brother sat me down and made me watch the two spider verse movies with him which i enjoyed a lot as well! my other brother made me watch the new puss in boots (liked that one, too). i also watched the first couple of episodes of the bear and i am very intrigued (gonna continue for sure)!! also finished glow a couple of month ago which was quite good but sadly prematurely cancelled. other than that i have been mostly rewatching stuff tbh (recently e.g. fleabag, schitt's creek, atla, succession, and the occasional movies like p&p 2005, emma 2020. also been in the mood for a rewatch of god's own country & the ghibli movies.). other than that, the movies/tv shows i reblog stuff from are generally things i enjoyed in the past (or at least partly enjoyed). idk there's a lot on my 'to watch list' but i am only making my way through it super slowly jhghjgjhjgjh

[sweaterkittensahoy]

My dad has decided he lives in a black and white world where if he decides a word is bad, it's always bad.

He refuses to say "bitch", for example, because it's sometimes used by people who want to be derogatory to women. Unfortunately for him, I have long-term memory and remember him using it a LOT in all sorts of contexts and also find this sort of black and white thinking fucking ridiculous. You can tell when someone means something as an insult.

Anyway, it led to the stupidest argument I have ever had with him, and he and I both agree we've had some stupid arguments:

Me: Okay, but that's not how language works. If I call myself a bad bitch, you know it's a compliment.

Dad: No, it's a word some people use to be gross, so I won't use it.

Me: Okay. But. Like. You get that someone calling me a "fucking queer" and me self-identifying as "queer" are very different right? That it's a word I use because it best describes me?

Dad: I won't use it. Not ever. It's a bad word because bad people use it.

Me: But I use it to describe myself.

Dad: And if that helps you, I'm for it. But I won't use it for you because it's a bad word.

Me: BUT IT'S NOT. IT'S LITERALLY ABOUT CONTEXT.

Dad: I WON"T USE IT IN A NEGATIVE CONTEXT.

Me: WE ARE AGREEING WITH EACH OTHER.

(Meanwhile, same man has never once used my correct pronouns or references (child instead of daughter, for example) that I literally sent him and my mom in an email so they had it in writing; and that makes me want to start a REAL fight because he'll also make sure I know a drag queen is a man [shock] or correct pronouns for a dog but I'm a daughter and a sister and a wife even though I literally put it in writing I'm not.]

What is or isn’t a slur can be highly contextual, y'all.

“Jonny Sims bummed a fag off my ma” doesn’t contain a slur, but “What are you, some kind of fag?” does.

“Queer studies”, “the queer community” and “I’m queer”? Not a slur. Some bigot calling you a “dirty queer”? Slur.

“Be gay, do crimes” and “He’s gay” ≠ slur, but “Ew, that’s so gay” = slur.

In conclusion, stop buying into this fucking “q slur” bullshit. Queer people talking about the queer community aren’t using it as a slur any more than a gay man calling himself gay is using that term as a slur.

[memorymessage]

kat with the Correct Take, as usual.

i started truly exploring my gender identity right before the "anti-SJW" movement became extremely mainstream. even before that, and ever since childhood, i have been drawn to masculine representation—i roleplayed male characters online, i cosplayed male characters in real life. when i learned cosplay tricks to look more masculine—like when i learned the first instance of low-budget binding with ace bandages—i started using those techniques out of cosplay in my every day life.

i didn't know what being transgender was until i was 16—already many years into cosplaying and roleplaying—when i stumbled upon and read a story about someone's gender discovery and transition. when i read it—i sobbed. i couldn't properly explain why i was sobbing. i kept telling myself 'this isn't you, this isn't you,' but it was striking a place so deep within my soul, i almost didn't know what to do with myself. i couldn't parse why i was responding the way i was to this discovery of what it meant to be transgender.

in short, i felt like the gender dysphoria i had felt for many years had finally been given a name and pointed to on the map that was my brain.

over that year, i began to learn more about gender expression by researching online. i learned that gender could be a spectrum, and i started to reflect that with my understanding and representation of myself. however, i also witnessed the rise of transphobia and edgy commentary that mocked trans people alongside this learning and research period.

i felt so scared to be the target of this mockery, that when a new online friend of mine discovered my private social media, i immediately deleted that social media—hoping they never saw any pictures of me or read any of my journals before i could delete it—and told them that i was trans man and anything that they saw on that blog was old and not relevant anymore.

this friend had never given me any cause to believe they would mock me for being non-binary or gender fluid, but the culture of the time had locked me in such a tight, self-conscious fear of being mocked, i felt like i needed to pick a binary immediately, or face the ridicule.

now, i don't want to mislead: i very predominantly identified with trans masc, far moreso than non-binary or gender fluid. i was probably always going to end up identifying as a trans man, whether it happened quickly or slowly. But there were definitely parts of me that still wanted to express femininity... and i repressed all of it out of fear of being perceived as invalid as a man.

those repressed parts of myself ended up tearing out at the seams multiple times throughout my life, in various different ways—all of which caused me great distress, born of that fear of being invalidated in what i thought i worked so hard for. sometimes i would dress up entirely feminine, put hair extensions in on my justin bieber haircut, and tell myself 'i'm just doing what drag queens do. i'm still a man.' which would be fine and completely valid, but, in retrospect, i knew it wasn't entirely true. it wouldn't have caused me such emotional distress if it was, and i wouldn't have hid those moments of "dress up" away like a dark, dirty secret, either.

i was very much comfortable and happy outwardly living as a trans man, and lived as so for nearly 10 years, but the fact that any sort of desire for feminine expression within myself caused such a deep psychological upset that i infinitely tried to keep hidden was belying an unaddressed issue. one that i had tried to bury, and bury, and bury.

i feel the need to disclose that gender norms had always been a problem for me—i have been misgendered since i was a kid, even when i was still identifying as cis, whether for things within my control (hairstyle, clothes) or things out of my control (my voice. it's literally only ever been my voice. i don't sound like a cis girl or a cis boy. it's a very androgynous voice.) because of these instances, i have rejected things about myself, and learned to associate them as being negative.

with that said, i will now introduce the fact that i never truly committed to the idea of hrt within those 10 years. the things that i wanted while living as a trans man (masculine body and face shape), came with things i didn't want due to being ridiculed for it in the past (deep voice, body hair, acne). but to say that was the only reason i couldn't commit to it probably wouldn't be true. then again, it's also worthless to speculate on, because i cannot separate the parts of that decision that were influenced by childhood ridicule, and the parts that were due to not fully identifying as a man.

so, maybe this was always going to happen.

i don't consider myself a detransitioner, though i deeply relate with the plight of those that are (the non transphobic ones, at least. very rarely do detransitioners become transphobic, though.)

10 years of denying feminine expression and being ashamed of the part of myself that still desired it. even as a kid, preteen, and early teen, rejecting various forms of feminine expression (for entirely different reasons.) discovering femininity has felt like just that: a discovery. not a return, not a detransition—but an entirely new transition.

it didn't burst out from the seams like before—it happened slowly, as i learned to truly, truly believe that it was okay to be myself—whatever that self may be on any given day. it wasn't an explosion of repressed feelings like the instances of dressing up in secret and telling myself 'it's just like doing drag. i'm still a man.' instead, i let myself wear whatever i wanted to wear—skirts, make up, etc.—anywhere i wanted to go, and i didn't let it frighten me into believing it would invalidate my gender identity.

i did still identify as a man, and a skirt and eyeshadow weren't going to change that.

it was the first time in my life i had ever felt that way and really believed it.

so, where did my gender identity change in this rediscovery of femininity? when did i stop considering myself a trans man?

i think throughout this process of learning that gender identity and gender expression do not have to be strict binaries has led me to a personal understanding (this is applicable to my personal understanding only) that they are not really 'spectrums', either. it's not like a sequential light waveform, or a straight line going from left to right, where you can point to your identity somewhere in that midsection. i believe it to be more abstract than that.

but, there is also a practical and less theoretic aspect—i have been going through medical issues that are tied to female anatomy, and it has—weirdly, ironically, unhappily, and yet strangely respectably—brought me to deeper understanding and appreciation for the struggle that AFAB bodies must sometimes endure. obviously, this is not inherently tied to femininity, but, specifically for my experience, it was and has been.

instead of hating my biological body for its struggles, it has curiously brought me closer to that body.

throughout all this, my main takeaway has been: i will never be done learning about myself, my gender, and my self expression. this could quite literally all change again several months from now—i could start feeling more masculine again and decide to start testosterone by the end of the year, and if that happens, i won't be afraid.

it seems like all throughout my life, expressing my gender, or sexuality, has always been (consciously or unconsciously) tied to fear and shame.

i no longer want that for myself. i'm ready to learn and accept wherever my mind and heart may take me.

and i also resent anyone that says 'detransitioning means you were never trans'.

i'm a trans woman now, thank you. (also, i'm like half-joking, but, like, half-not when saying that. i really do feel like a trans woman sometimes. many times... a lot of times.)

[disquiet-dream]

Every time people start arguing again about the terms tma/tme I'm always - well first of all I'm annoyed, because I'm someone who was originally against the terms and have since come around, so like I get it but I can't help but cringe a bit, but I'm also always like… How do I put this…

It's strange to me that the portion of transfem tumblr who are heavily invested in this terminology the the portion who get really really mad at people identifying as femboys is like, pretty heavily overlapping?

Because like, I see people complain about tma/tme by talking about the literal meanings of the terms, i.e. The whole "well, everyone is affected by transmisogyny" argument, and I do get where that comes from, I just don't… Care.

Because no terminology is perfect y'know? I see it basically the same way I see "PoC", it's far from perfect, but it does articulate something meaningful - there are people who are the primary targets of a form of bigotry and people who are incidental targets. Like, an italian-american might get some racism thrown at them - and that does genuinely suck! I'm not discounting that! - but they don't suffer the same structural issues that impact your entire life, so there is a difference here.

(I also like PoC as a comparison point just because like. One of the issues there is also the literal meaning being kinda off - I used an Italian as the example there because a lot of Italians do have skin as dark as a lot of PoC groups, and there are of course "PoC" groups that aren't literally "People of Color", in the sense that they don't actually have dark skin, but they're obviously included.)

(That's not the biggest issue mind - the bigger one is that the whole framework doesn't really work in much of the world (on some level literally just ''outside the US", even), and trying to apply it there immediately causes issues - but it is an issue!)

But anyway, to wrap back around to my original point: while I do think the terminology is useful, I do agree with one point I've seen that's like, "if tma just means transfem why don't you just say transfem?"

Because like… I mean honestly yeah, I don't get the point either then lol. Like, the whole reason I like the term is because it implicitly acknowledges that there are people who are affected directly by transmisogny - and who's interests are aligned with those of trans women because of that, whether they recognize it or not - but don't neatly fit into "trans woman" or even "transfem".

Like, large amounts of amab nonbinary people (i'd argue most if not all tbh), quite a few intersex people, drag queens (''drag bans'' might be intended to attack trans women, but they choose to do it through queens for a reason!), and - the reason for this post - a whole lot of self-identified femboys!

These are all categories that to me are like, yeah of course those are tma. Like, they're not the same as transfems (although there's of course an overlap) nor are they treated identically, but they're subject to the same broad societal hatred in a structural way.

(With that said, I do think the like, image I have of ''femboy'' as a concept isn't the same as people who get mad about it. Although I of course think mine is the more accurate one.

Because I tend to think of what I guess i'd call "lifestyle femboys", which is to say people who present femme as often as is safe (and sometimes even when not), consider being feminine a core part of their identity, may even be on or wish to be on HRT, etc.

Basically, people who in terms of action are clearly on the same wavelength as most transfems, even if they're using different terminology, to the point where imo it's obviously ridiculous to act like they aren't subject to the same forces, even before you get into the ones who y'know, do just identify as both transfem/trans woman and femboy.)

(I'd argue the kind of femboy I'm implicitly contrasting against, who only does it privately and like, as a hobby rather than a lifestyle, is also often affected - if nothing else there's probably a reason it's by default a private thing, eh? Probably the same reason a lot of transfems only present femme in private… - but I at least consider that more ambigious.)

So y'know, if only there were a word for that hatred. And perhaps some sort of supercategory we could use to include everyone affected by this phenomenon. Who can say…

[genderqueerdykes]

hi!

what do you think about old words like FtM and MtF? (and I guess FtX, MtX, ItX, ItF, ItM)

it would be cool if young trans people share their thoughts too!

are they still comfortable for someone?

idk I just realized it's less dysphoric than AGAB form.

AGAB sounds like it's forever with you, meanwhile XtX sounds like escaping/transitioning from "not you" to "you"

of course it also sounds like if person "was" female (FtM) or male (MtF), which it not true

I personally just found out recently I'm okay with ?tX lol

hello, thanks for asking!

FTM and MTF aren't very old terms, they are still widely used and in fact the primary subreddit for trans men, transmascs and other masc aligned trans folk is r/FTM. i noticed you said it sounds like the person "was" female if FTM or "was" male as MTF, which is not what the terms mean, and also, some trans people do identify as having been female before transitioning to male or male before transitioning to male. if you read the interviews contained within To Survive on This Shore you will read the stories of a lot of trans people who did in fact love their lives as the other gender before they transitioned. while a lot of people do not like that rhetoric, some do, and it's not fair to try to erase their experiences for the sake of 'inclusive language'. people can define these terms or not use them as they please

FTM and MTF are not offensive, bad, or outdated terms in any way shape or form.

keep in mind that this line of thinking is a fundamental misunderstanding of what FTM and MTF actually mean. the the "F" in FTM refers to that person's biological sex marker- as in, you are changing your biological sex in some way to go from what was assigned/viewed as F to M. the opposite is true for MTF.

FTM is not a term that's just for trans men and MTF is not just for trans women. these terms refer to the changing of your biological sex, so an FTM person could be anything from a trans man to an FTM identifying transsexual butch lesbian. MTF people can be trans women or drag queens who take hormones and get surgeries. it can be a wide range of things, and while i can see it being uncomfortable for some, in others, they are loved and appreciated terms with a lot of history and are inclusive. i am not AFAB in the sense that i have a 100% "biologically female body" and I still identify with the term FTM because I find the X/I terms clunky. i have been using FTM for a decade now, i'm not going to trash it just because of a misinterpretation of what it means

also AGAB just literally refers to the gender you were assigned at birth. it's not really "permanent" it's a snap decision that was made when you were underdeveloped as a newborn baby. biological sex can be altered freely at will. to be brutally honest with you anon, i actually really detest the logic that the XtY labels are "escaping" something "to become your true self" for every trans person- i really would not apply this logic to anyone but yourself. this sounds very much like a you thing and not something that suits the entire trans community and this could be very offensive to some trans folk. many FTM butches are still women. many FTM drag queens are still men. p

i am very glad to hear you are okay with that term! I personally find the ?/X terms clunky so i don't use them for myself. i am FtMtF or FtMF. i'm glad it you found what works for you. I'm not a fan of implying FTM and MTF are bad or outdated, and i think it's exhausting to try to cycle them out of the common vernacular or do a big reach and assume it means something that it doesn't. it's a term that people can use if they want to, but trans men are under no obligation to use FTM and trans women are under no obligation to use MTF. they're terms you can use if they find they suit you, and folks who are made happy by them deserve to get to keep terms that weren't offensive to begin with

hope this makes sense, take care

[revanchistsuperstar]

To the person I’m reblogging this from who said “can I do this as a nonbinary person” down there in the tags:

Friend. Literally anyone of any gender can do any kind of drag.

Y’all don’t see much of my drag side here, just because I try to keep my tumblr a place where I don’t feel obligated to do self promotion, but my drag name is Jack Rabid and I’ve been a drag king for 13 years.

There’s a quick little obligatory “how if started vs how it’s going” featuring me actually performing as well as one of my more exciting mugs sans the costume I wore that night vs that good ol’ Fred Durst look every drag king was a victim of in 2010. 🤣

I’m a producer for the Boyz of Austin, which is a drag king troupe in Austin, Texas that has the distinction at 8 years of being currently the second longest running show in the city (second only to Poo Poo Platter, which if you know is kind of legendary). I also used to produce King Fest for the Austin International Drag Festival, and this past April I personally announced over 40 kings in one showcase.

I’m a gay trans man, and for most of my drag career (12 of the 13 years), I identified as nonbinary. Literally. Anyone. Can. Do. Drag.

I’ve worked with a good number of the people in this post (I actually even have a lovely handwritten note from Hugo on my fridge from the time he stayed in my living room on my futon for a few weeks, which btw was his first time out of Aoetearoa, my roommate and I introduced him to Topo Chico, it was incredible. Hugo and I also were on a YouTube competition together waaaay before he was on House of Drag called King Me, which while it crashed and burned did cement us in the bonds of brotherhood for life 🤣). Just by looking it over, I can tell you there is every identity from trans man to nonbinary to cis lesbian contained within just the examples from this post.

In my own city’s scene, we’ve got trans men, afab and amab nonbinary people, hell, a very proudly intersex nonbinary performer (and they’re my drag brother, love you Stellar Manx), and even cis men who all do king drag. I have seen LITERALLY every gender identity you can conceive of in my time working for Drag Fest do king drag. All Drag Is Valid (thanks Paradox Rei), and there are No. Rules. There isn’t a drag council. Just do it.

And just to drive home the “fuck it, so whatever you want with you gender clownery!” I am also a drag queen:

And I also do a healthy amount of genderfuck:

And sometimes I die of exposure in the Arctic wastes

Drag is a very personal art, so what it means to each person is going to be completely different, but it is literally just a critique and performance of gender, and no matter your identity you can take part in that.

So go on. Go nuts. Have fun.

I think one of the reasons drag kings aren’t as popular as drag queens, aside from the fact that straight women don’t like us, is that people are uncomfortable acknowledging masculinity as a performance. Like we as a society know that femininity is a performance, with its own costumes and rules. Masculinity is also a performance, and nothing makes that more clear than someone making an exaggeration of it

[is-the-owl-video-cute]

How tf is it unreasonable or victim-blaming to say that if you've seen a lot of people in a certain group - and antis existed as a self-named group calling out "pedophilic" ships and "pedophile" shippers" (see Klanti vs Sheith shipwar) before proshippers became a thing in response to it - use the word grooming wrong in a general sense, you are gonna doubt when people of that group say they've been groomed or that they've heard about so many people in their group who were groomed.

Would you trust the "ok groomer" meme people's (mostly Christian Conservatives) accounts about how there's sooo many groomers in schools?

It’s victim blaming because you are literally blaming people for normalizing their abuse because of sexual content they found as CHILDREN. You quite literally said you didn’t believe most of them were even victims of abuse.

And your argument that “antis” are a self-named group is just… lol. It was always things like “anti-Sebaciel” or whatever and it was common in fandoms and still is, but it isn’t a mass umbrella label or community. The closest thing you have to “antis” as a community is those who do in fact identify as being anti-pedophile or anti-proship, which is just saying the same thing twice and is just a very normal and rational stance to have.

And here’s a thought: perhaps stop comparing trans people and drag queens to, you know, pedophilic erotica. Because that’s what you just did by saying “antis” sound like the “okay groomer” crowd. While also comparing fundamentalist Christian radicals to people who were abused as children, you ignorant and insufferable creep.

[mercurytrinemoon]

Another post on Moon signs you can drag me for

Before we get into the actual thing, I'd like to say this post initially started as something else but ultimately, what I tried to put across is, sometimes Moon signs aren’t that easy to decipher. It’s easy to grasp overall characteristics of the signs and then learn how to identify their specific traits. But what people seem to forget it that Moon represents the deepest side of us & our inner world - it’s uncommon to really see someone’s side of it unless you really pay attention. Sometimes I’m surprised to see what someone’s Moon sign is even if I know this person well. Meaning, people usually hide that part of them - or they just simply process it internally and others can’t see their emotional reactions. It’s also uncommon for folks these days to fully express their emotional needs so it gets even trickier to pin-point their Moon characteristics. I don't think I have to mention this but, of course, your entire chart should be taken into account, as well as house placement, aspects. Personally, I like to also look at Moon's dispositor.

Let’s start from my friends, Gemini Moons, who, I feel, get a bad rep for not showing their feelings and scanning every emotion like an AI. Nah-ah. I know this one Gemini Moon whose immediate emotional reactions aren’t very cerebral in the sense of processing everything in the mind and intellectualizing it aka, what people like to label as being un-emotional. Instead her reactions are often fast (air energy) but physically expressed through Mercury (Gemini Moon’s dispositor) and Sun (overall identity) – she has them both in Aries. She’s a crybaby who can burst into tears in a matter of seconds. So she’s not something that would stereotypically be assigned to a Gemini Moon. But what I did notice is that all Gemini Moons tend to have this weird look on their face when they’re processing stuff. As if they were about to have a brain malfunction; they stop and have that specific worried look. They also like to either gossip or tell stories (either real or made up lol); they’re great with words - they can talk for hours if they feel comfortable with you. They just crave interaction and mental stimulation. Their quick reactions tend to make them effortlessly witty. Even if they’re a withdrawn Gemini type, they make up for it through social media and technology or just a quiet exploration. My shy Cancer pal with Moon in Gemini is now a brand/website designer and an instagram queen who travels the world. This is great energy for content creators in general. And don’t forget that Geminis need to have their fingers in many pies. It’s because they always have a backup plan… and they get bored easily so they need that chaos around them to feel at home. They like to have options in everything, which is kind of funny cause it’s hard for them to make up their minds and actually choose something. And they store a lot of information in their brains… I feel like it must be exhausting, no? 

On the other side of the axis, whenever I see someone with a Sagittarius Moon, I can immediately say “yup, a Sag Moon indeed” (probably thanks to my Sag stellium), meaning, they all seem the same to me. Sag Moons often find comfort in exploration - best if it’s literal travel. They always seem to need to free themselves from their surroundings, family, roots or their own culture to discover something new and exciting, even if it’s only in the imaginary words - through books, movies and other medias. Their happiness always lies somewhere else from where they currently are. Like, I think all Sagittarius Moons that I know have left their parents and went their own paths early on. And they have this yolo attitude. Just like Sagittarius Suns, they’re massive dorks, probably also obnoxious… sometimes in a REALLY annoying way. They’re either a) very wise and curious b) lil preachy and stuck up c) just plain dumb clowns with no filter. But they’re all funny. And they take things lightly, with a natural ease. This means sometimes they may offend other people just because they assume everyone’s as chill as they are; „relax! I was just kidding!” - that’s a phrase you’ll hear from them often… I mean, unless you’re a jokester yourself and you’re unmoved by their sarcastic or teasing words. They have somewhat spiritual or philosophical nature so besides making you laugh, be prepared for deep monologues. They want to believe everything will eventually fall into place. It’s also hard to bring them down - or I should say, it’s hard to make them acknowledge that they're feeling down - they always try to distract or cover it up with a joke, usually a self-depricating one. If Sagittarius Moon (or Sagittarius in general tbh) is telling you that they’re unhappy, then it’s serious.

I’ve noticed there comes a point in life for a Libra Moon where they just have enough. They’re too nice for everyone and one day they wake up and yell about how they have to do everything for everyone and everyone wants something from them and bLah bLah. Makes me think of when Bieber was this overly nice kid and then he was like “I’M NOT TAKING PICTURES WITH FANS ANYMOREEEE AAGhJFJFUWIUq”. Yup, a Libra Moon, everyone. They know how to charm and appeal to people, I think overall they’re easily liked by others. Sometimes it’s simply because they like to kiss people’s ass just to avoid being rejected. That’d be a Libra Moon’s nightmare. They like other people’s company too much. And they thrive in relationships and in a big circle of friends. What they hate is confrontations (like every other Libra placement omg). They may be good mediators when it comes to other people but if they’re involved in an argument they get sooooo passive aggressive. They just don’t know how to handle conflicts - it’s as if their nervous system wasn’t designed for emotional outbursts (because, you know, everything needs to be peaceful and harmonious Venus-style). A fussy or angry Libra Moon will suddenly get loud as they blame someone for something… and then they’ll leave the room cause they’re scared to even hear the other side of the argument. Or, alternatively, they’ll make a doormat out of themselves just to stay quiet and avoid causing any rift. And making decisions? I think it’s common for them to have two different romantic interests and feeling so dramatically torned between them *Alexa play Agony from Into the Woods*. Then when they decide, they have problems breaking the bad news to one of them.

On the other end we have Aries Moons. *deep breath* Listen, I think I’ve said enough about having Moon in Aries (or rather purely dissing it) but last time it made a bit of controversy so why not wreak even more havoc. I have a good description for this one: I will punch you but be gentle with me cause it’s easy to break my fragile heart. So basically, imagine putting Buttercup and Bubbles into one person. And honestly, I need to say this, women with this placement are just hot badasses, look at friggin Angelina Jolie. The queen of badass. The queen of hot. People say because Aries folks move quickly (literally and figuratively lol), they often get bored with whatever got them excited last week... or yesterday. Ha, yeah, right. You get their heart to open up and they’re going to have their eyes for you ONLY, like a lil puppy. Give us treats and we’ll build our world around you. But NOT in a clingy way by any means, we need our space and independence after all. My lil niece is an Aries Moon and ever since I started playing guitar with her, she became my #1 fan or something. That’s the energy. But we get easily bored with day-to-day stuff so yeah, there’s that. Innocent and clumsy yet raw in their emotions - so there’s potential to make mistakes sometimes (or a lot of times) or having this tunnel vision, like „I want this and I don’t care about anything else!”. And then excusing it with some „but the heart wants what it wants” crap (looking @ ya, Selena Gomez). They experience constant inner movement and turbulence that needs a physical outlet in order to feel satisfied. WE NEED PASSION IN OUR LIVES, OKAY?!?!?? now leave me alone

Aquarius Moons aren’t as cold as you might think. People like to describe them as if their Moons actually disappeared from their charts: dEtaCheD, uNeMotiOnaL, tHey fEeL nOtHinG. It’s just they don’t sit and dwell on things, they find solutions to the problems. If something doesn’t make them feel right, they just leave that situation. They do care about other people’s well-being, they’re very sensitive in that regard, they’re humanitarians after all. Yeah, they detach, but from their own emotions - in order to make sense of them. They may seem like snow queens sometimes (and this comes from an Aqua rising) but they’re really friendly and if you pique Aqua Moon’s interest, they’re going to be curious about you. They like new exciting things so if you’re cool enough, you have their attention. Usually they’re pretty progressive as well and can’t stand injustice. That’s why you’ll see them standing up for those who are in need. Uranian energy gives them a specific type of sharp intuition and wit. Idk they’re just cute in a quirky way. But this buzzing, fast energy is a great recipe for anxiety, over-thinking and frequent changes of heart. Similarly to Sadges, they need constant exploration and stimuli. Intelligent, people-oriented (but not people-pleasing! Look to Libras for that), individualistic. They definitely need their own space and independence. Their decision-making is fast and it’s easy for them to just say „screw it, I’m doing this”. My Aquarius Moon friend just casually decided that she’s moving to Turkey cause nothing in our city (or even country) seems interesting or helping her expand… So she was like, see ya suckers, I’m leaving.

Leo Moons shine from within. You’ll spot them from a mile away even if they’re on the shyer side. They’re all lil stars no matter their profession. Very expressive people & easily excitable. Art galleries, live shows, theater - they love a creative environment even if they don’t pursue that lifestyle themselves... One of my Leo Moon friends is an art junkie – suggest taking her to an obscure play at the local bar, a music festival, a weird museum – she’ll say yes in the blink of an eye. And she loves discussing these things. A Leo Moon may not see themselves as artistically inclined, but usually sooner or later they at least try dipping their toes in music, arts, acting, dancing... you name it. They’ll learn a simple 3-chord song on a ukulele and then play it to you in excitement. Imagine a lil kid making you a puff piece and being super proud of it. Sometimes they just need some encouragement. Remember, Leos feed off of praise, that’s their fuel. Doesn’t mean they’re all proud, egotistical people but what it does mean is that they need a lil assurance to gain their self-confidence. I lived with a Leo Sun/Moon for almost 15 years (who’s a musician btw so yeah, a classic creative Leo type) - he did have some issues lol but ego wasn’t one of them. Drama followed him everywhere but I’m pretty sure he disliked it himself. BUT, with that being said, I feel like Leo Moons tend to dramatize themselves internally. People say it’s something Virgos or Geminis would do - because of their tendency to overthink, but Leos can just go straight to a worst-case scenario in their heads simply because they exaggerate everything. So don’t be surprised to see a Leo Moon feeling down and anxious. On the bright side, be their cheerleader and they’ll give that to you in return. They need sparks and dullness kills their upbeat spirit. They need to feel their own heartbeat so the feeling of excitement is crucial for their well-being. Romantic, giving and kind. They’re fixed fire so once they’re set on something or someone, they give their all and are rather loyal.

I feel like my chart low-key tells me I should dislike Taurus Moons but I just want to melt in their arms and just stay there? Like, forever? Low maintenance but a bit slow-moving and stubborn. They won’t settle easily, at least not officially, so you need to have a lot of patience with them. They need 3 things to feel secure and at peace: physical stimuli, time and a stable place they know they can always come back to. And it’s not like all of them are total lazy homebodies, they may be active spirits & travellers but they are going to have a reallyyyyy nice cosy flat somewhere near their childhood place (gotta be be close to their moms, you know). Not necessary materialistic but they may have one thing that they collect throughout their entire life and they won’t. ever. get. rid. of. it. There needs to be at least one constant in their life - like you know when Elton John decided to go to therapy but one thing he stuck to was shopaholism? Very Taurus Moon of him. Also, they’re very affectionate. In fact, may have issues differentiating between affection and passion - this is actually something Taurus Moon and Aries Moon have in common. Pro tip - and this is in regard to all Taurus placements - don’t smell bad when you’re around them (I mean, don't smell bad in general, no one likes stinky people lol). They have a sensitive smell. Doesn’t help that they like to smell everything. EVERYTHING. I swear, Taurus, stop sticking your nose in every single thing!!! You don't need to know how that piece of utensil smells like. Jeez.

Scorpio Moon (shoutout to those who remember me accidentally calling them sporpio last time I made a post on Moons lol). I honestly don’t know what to tell you... I feel like all you hear about Scorpio Moon is 100% true, there’s nothing to debunk here. It’s the Moon of extremes. Prone to jealousy and surpressing emotions; severe trust issues; they’re instigators. I was low-key bullied by a few Scorpio Moons when I was in school so there’s that. Very secretive and private. Scorpio Moon will be like “I’m in control of the situation!!!!” and you’ll just look at them and think, yeah, right, looks like the situation is controlling you. But keep being in denial, sure. Like, don’t get me wrong, Scorpios in general can be TOTAL SWEETHEARTS OMG but ya’ll have issues. Even celebrities who have this placements... Think Beyonce or Lady Gaga, Miley Cyrus... I feel like they have issues lol, especially with control and the need for everything to be perfectly the way they want it to be. To be fair, that’s probably why they’re all so influential and high status: it’s either their way or highway. They need constant reinvention; they’re the ones to wake up one day and decide they’re going through a spiritual awakening blah blah. They also like to talk about dark and shocking topics while having casual lunch with you... So like, be warned that you may end up with a depressed mood after talking to them for 10 minutes. And their mood swings... don’t even get me started on that.

I don't know where to start with Virgo Moons... I feel like they're very calculated and nit-picky but they're a lot warmer than Virgo Suns. I think I called them softies in my last Moon post. Very sweet people but prone to anxiety. You gotta experience seeing them having a heart attack over someone mixing bananas with milk or messing with their stuff that’s been put in a perfect arrangement. I saw a Virgo Moon once literally squealing shouting "YOU'RE GONNA RUIN YOUR LAPTOP WITH THAT SUPERGLUE!!!" Highly entertaining to watch, not gonna lie. Gordon Ramsay has his Moon in Virgo - it’s conjunct Uranus and Pluto so that’s an extreme but I think him being fed up with people over small inconsistencies in their food prep is a perfect example of this energy (btw his chart is hilarious, it literally explains EVERYTHING). They're VERY picky with their food as well, just as Virgo Suns tend to be. Like, they’ll only have a specific type of single origin coffee or they’ll be vegan or something. Self-critical over their work, which is a plus... except for when finishing a simple task takes them a few hours because they want to make it perfect. They take everything seriously. This of course doesn't mean they're total bores - on the contrary, Mercurial energy gives them witty approach and a talent for choosing the right words at the right time. Tho they can be a bit awkward or shy with it. Can be as bubbly as Gemini but the grounded earthy energy gives them more practical and almost nurturing nature - earth signs are providers after all and Virgo is the sign of service - helping others is like their second nature. I’ve noticed they often find comfort in devoting themselves to a choosen task - this is why if they pursue something, they’re really good at it. They’re also very likely to dissect their emotions.

I’m not a fan of water Moons in general but Pisces Moon is the best water Moon in my opinion. Maybe because I like Pisces overall. I think it’s like a tweaked Sagittarius Moon - just more internalized, withdrawn & gloomy. But unlike Sag, who has a tendency to be an adventurous optimist, Pisces likes to focus on the negatives instead. Obviously, they can be very upbeat, they’re Jupiter-ruled after all, but there’s somehing whiny about them lol. Just like Sadges, they dream big and have their standards put up sooo high but if there's not much active energy in their charts, they’re often too passive to actually fullfill any of that - or I should say, they’re stuck daydreaming about it, believing it’ll just magically manifest for them... OR they do everything with an apathetic approach. What I do like about them is that they’re funny. And really chill - sometimes to the point of coming off as confused or hazy. I feel like a lot of them would just love to sleep all day... or sit by the lake and just think about the world. Most of them are also compassionate folks - again, maybe a bit too much. Hey Pisces, you don’t have to take everything to heart, it’s okay. On the bright side, they have big imagination and the ability to disconnect and just create. I have a few Pisces Moons in the family: one’s that sleepy artistic type with grand visions, one is an asshole-ish but funny entrepreneur with a questionable work ethic and one is a witty IT guy who’s actually a workaholic and likes to shut in his own world of computers and numbers or whatever he does there... So there’s this factor of tunnel vision, escapism and, on the more negative side, being kinda iffy and almost addicted to the way they want things to be. Once they set their eyes on something it’s done deal…

My issue with Capricorn Moons is that they're often trying to be sooooo mature omg, like, loosen up a bit. It usually starts when they're in their later teens... They can be the most rebellious kid that likes to have fun and suddenly they'll be like "I'm too old for this ugh grow up" *judgmental stare*. My 18-year old niece once literally roasted my sister that she's in her 30s and still doesn't have her own place (well so do I so I guess she also indirectly roasted me as well???). And she was SO deadpan with it. Because she herself wants to be independent and start a family before turning 25. This is classic Capricorn Moon energy. They suck out joy out of everything lol. Of course, OF COURSE, it depends on the whole chart but I feel like worst-case scenario is that at one point in their life (or maybe even a few times throughout it) they go through a massive shake-up that makes them change their attitude and re-evaluate their structures. There's this multi-instrumentalist Yvette Young - she's a sweet, funny Cancer/Leo mix but her Moon is in Capricorn. She used to be a competitive pianist but the pressure that was put on her has led her to severe health issues. Like yes, she’s now an extremely talented musician - thanks to family’s expectations & a rigid schooling system (Saturn) but it did cost her a lot. She has recovered since then but I think it's a perfect example of this energy. It’s very ambitious and hardworking but emotionally demanding in the sense that you have to actually put your emotions aside in order to deal with the rest. Another thing, because Moon can be associated with family, there's often a weird dynamic surrounding this topic. I don't think I've met a Capricorn Moon that had a completely healthy and happy relationship with their fam or one of the family members. Or, alternatively, there can be a strong bond between one of them but usually created in the atmosphere of hardships.

Last but not least, Cancer Moons. I had three school friends with this placement and all of them made this sad, whiny face as they said „oh I don’t knoooow anymoreee”  when they were feeling torned or frustrated. To be fair, two of them are water Suns so for them, it added to the mushyness. All Cancer Moons I know are family people or better yet, baby people. One of those school friends is now a guidance counsellor, working with kids; the other turned her instagram into a gallery of her own child after she gave birth. So much kid content, omg. There’s also something very indecisive about them… or I should say, hesitant. They’re not very fast at making decisions. Also, what’s interesting, they’re kind of like walking libraries, they remember a lot – so they store a lot of information in their brains just like air signs but they process it in a completely different way – emotional, obviously. I think this also makes them hold grudges a lot. For them it’s more of a question of „how does it make me feel?” rather than „how valid is it?”. There’s certain stubborness in them in that regard because they don’t keep their minds open. It’s also hard for them to walk away from people and situations, like a crab pinching you with its claws – it won’t let go. Sensitive but not easy to open up; very protective of themselves and their loved ones & they tend to shut down in their crab shells. But they may crave connection and the feeling of belonging. Also very caring and with a big imagination. They’re very receptive of their environment so mood swings are a thing for them.

[hellomynameisbisexual]

Research notes that more than half of the LGBTQ+ population identifies as bisexual. But given the alienation bi+ people—an umbrella term for those who are bisexual, polysexual, pansexual, and omnisexual—face within the community, you wouldn’t necessarily know it.

According to LGBTQ+ activist Robyn Ochs, editor of the anthology Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around the World and Recognize, the "B" for "bisexual" that got added to the acronym in the late '80s thanks to the hard work of bisexual activists was mostly performative. “The “B” got added, but that didn’t mean that 'LGBTQ+' suddenly became welcoming of bi+ individuals,” she says.

It's still too often the case that bi+ folks face both overt and covert biphobia within the LGBTQ+ community, which contributes to compromised mental health for bi+ people. And, as a bisexual writer and activist myself, I can personally attest that biphobia is even more devastating and isolating when it comes from within the LGBTQ+ community—my own community. “For the health of the LGBTQ+ community, we need to banish the biphobia within it,” says Ochs. Below, bi+ activists share ideas for how to eliminate biphobia in the LGBTQ+ community, which should be more inclusive of bi+ people.

5 ways to end a history of biphobia in the LGBTQ+ community

1. Quit saying that the “bi” in bisexuality reinforces the binary

One of the most damaging and widespread myths around bisexuality is that it reinforces the gender binary, or the idea that there are just two genders: men and women. That's not true, as evidenced by the 1990 Bisexuality Manifesto which reads, “Bisexuality is a whole, fluid identity. Do not assume that bisexuality is binary or duogamous in nature: that we have "two" sides or that we must be involved simultaneously with both genders to be fulfilled human beings. In fact, don't assume that there are only two genders.”

Unfortunately, this myth is one that holds steady and contributes to biphobia in the LGBTQ+ community. In my DMs just last week, someone said, “It’s messed up that you identify as bi when you’ve literally dated someone non-binary.” And another person said, “I don’t know why you would identify as bisexual when you could identify as pansexual and nod to the fact that you date non-binary people.”

What's key to remember is that bisexuality may have a slightly different definition depending on who is defining it, says Ochs. For example, many define bisexuality either as attraction to two or more genders, or as the attraction to those whose genders are similar and also dissimilar to their own. My personal favorite definition of bisexuality is one put forth by Ochs: “I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted—romantically and/or sexually—to people of more than one gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree.”

The bottom line? “Listen to the bi+ people who say that their identity includes nonbinary people,” says Ochs.

2. Learn the real LGBTQ+ history of bisexuality

Despite what popular movies like Stonewall, How To Survive a Plague, Milk, and The Normal Heart might have you believe, it wasn’t just white gay men who have been on the frontlines of change. Bisexual, trans, and Black, Indigenous, people of color (BIPOC) are often left out of the narrative. Did you know, for instance, that self-identified drag queen, trans woman, and activist Marsha P. Johnson played a key role in the 1969 Stonewall Uprisings, which are now known as the first-ever Pride as well as a pivotal point in the fight for LGBTQ+ equality?

Ignoring the hand that bisexual people—and more specifically, transgender and Black bisexual people—have played in the LGBTQ+ movement from the start is not just biphobic, racist, and transphobic—it’s also ahistoric. Educate yourself by engaging with the content on Bi History’s Instagram, read this article about bisexuality, put out by GLAAD, and buy We Are Everywhere: Protest, Power, and Pride in the History of Queer Liberation by Matthew Riemer and Leighton Brown

3. Banish commentary that perpetuates biphobia in the LGBTQ+ community

The first step for ending biphobia in the LGBTQ+ community is acknowledging that it already exists. “Whenever I post about biphobia on my Instagram, there’s a weird skepticism from people who aren’t bi+ who follow me about whether or not it's real,” says Gabrielle Alexa Noel, bisexual advocate, founder of Bi Girls Club, and author of the forthcoming book, How To Live With the Internet and Not Let It Ruin Your Life. To be clear, it’s sadly very very real.

Next, become aware of when you’re experiencing biases against bi+ people based on myth and misconception. Don’t want to date someone bi+ because you think they’ll cheat on you? That’s biphobic. Don’t want to date someone bi+ because you think they’re more likely to give you an STI than your monosexual partners? Biphobia again. Nervous you won’t be enough for someone bi+? More biphobia.

Once you recognize when biases come up, as psychologist David Amodio, PhD, previously told Well+Good, “You [can] make sure these biases don’t influence your behavior.”

4. Stand up against biphobia

Once you’ve recognized and begun to address your own biphobia, you can begin recognizing when other people—regardless of their gender or sexual orientation—are being biphobic as well. And then, call them in. “It can’t be just out bi+ people who respond to instances of biphobia,” says Ochs.

Bisexual writer and activist Olivia Zayas Ryan agrees adding, “just as bisexual folks would go to bat for lesbian and gay people if someone said something blatantly homophobic or lesbophobic, gay and lesbian folks should be standing up against biphobia.”

In any group of people, it just takes one biphobic comment to make bi+ people feel unsafe and unwelcome—and just one person speaking out against it can make a big difference. “Publicly responding to biphobic comments tells bi+ that you're an ally, while also educating everyone about what behavior is and is not allowed in your space,” says Ochs.

5. Trust that bisexual folks are invested in the queer community

“There’s this weird, widespread assumption that if bi+ women are embraced by the LGBTQ+ community, we’re going to sully the space by bringing our cis-het male partners,” says Ryan. This is false.

For starters, not all bi+ women date men. Furthermore, it’s important to understand that bi+ people are LGBTQ+ and are equally invested in maintaining the safety and queerness of LGBTQ+ spaces. “I just wish people would trust that bi+ people don’t have any interest in ruining the vibe of LGBTQ+ spaces,” says Noel.

It sounds obvious, but “we, bi+ people, benefit from being in LGBTQ+ spaces, too,” she adds.

[penguicorns-are-cool]

IMG ID" text saying

Adria,

It is with deepest regret that I must cancel your talk tomorrow. Out local Chief Executive and County Attorney have decided that it is too much of a legal risk to have a transgendered person in the library. I really regret this."

END ID

btw this is a soft ban in action

a soft ban is when bans and laws and stuff encourage self-censorship.

in this case, Montana banning drag story time has put this library in a position where they feel the need to self-censor to protect their librarians from possible controversy leading to literal laws that put them or Adria in court

even though Adria is trans and not a drag performer, the library feels the need to self-censor because the law is vague enough that it might include Adria as a drag queen and people have mistaken her for one.

the term soft ban has mainly been used to refer to book banning, because a book being banned in one place might lead to a school librarian somewhere else not buying it because they don't want to waste the little money they have on a book that is too controversial and will get banned in their own school, or publishers just won't distribute a book in states where it's banned because it won't sell as well, or publishers just not publishing books on certain topics because it will be banned anyway. But I think we should start using it refer to stuff like this too.

The politicians, whether or not they know what they're doing, are implementing a soft ban on trans people that a this point includes all gender-non-conforming people. It's a lot more difficult to pass a ban on identifying as trans or cross-dressing because there are more people who are against that rn. but it's not as hard to pass a ban on drag using vague definitions that can be easily used to criminalize trans and gender non-conforming folks, especially if they aren't passing. This is a soft ban since it actively encourages people to self-censor who they associate with and how they present.

This also applies to gender-affirming healthcare and abortions where, especially in states with partial abortion bans or where anti-trans-healthcare rhetoric is strong but they don't have bans yet, it is becoming fairly common for people to just not deal with it even if it's legal. why bother.

It is also much harder to prove that soft bans exist. so many people won't believe it until they literally and blatantly ban the thing, they'll say that, "oh I'm fine with it in, but we need to restrict that part because it's just going too far, we have to draw a line somewhere," without knowing how self-censorship and soft bans work.

I know y'all should all know by now, but here is a current example of how drag bans actually ban trans people from existing in public spaces

This was the email that was sent to Adria Jawort, a two spirit author scheduled to speak at a Montana library, on the first day of pride month.