#(why am i not the one interviewing him why must i suffer)

[russellius]

2024 ITALIAN GP Qualifying : P3

[occamstfs]

Chauffeur Swap

Another epistolary TF ! Cocky office worker to an equally cocky gym bro, trait swap + IQ Drain aplenty -Occam

Monday May 6th

Morning 

I’m beyond thrilled that I’m finally being looked at for a promotion. I’ve worked my ass off for this company ever since I graduated and I am not going to let this chance slip through my fingers. It’s such a good gig, in the week leading up to them filling the position they’re letting us use the company’s chauffeurs as just one little hint of the luxury this promotion will afford us.

At least, that’s what I thought before my driver arrived to pick me up and I saw what a slob of a man my driver was! I mean my word! I thought it was a prank or something else untoward! I’m sure he could tell too, I could not muster even a shy smile, nothing to do but grimace. God and that was before I got in! He must have just been an Uber hired or something because it smelled like a locker room in there! Truly vile!

God willing this is a one off occurrence, hate to get the oaf in trouble. Though judging by the state of his hygiene though he clearly needs to be taught a lesson somehow! I mean even with this job I couldn't afford to buy cologne enough to hide that stink- perhaps some dog-strength febreze- Ha!

Evening

Godddd fuck! The last thing I needed after such a stressful day was to be greeted by that animal’s face- worse yet, his SCENT! I underestimated just how grueling this interview charade would be. It is just one final hurdle to the big leagues though. I will leave petty contrivances like suffering through this unpleasant car ride behind.

Just to make the time pass with greater speed I put forth some small talk. Not like I could hold my breath near long enough to make a difference, and it couldn’t hurt to vent about what a hassle the day had been hm? After this though he started talking about himself and fwoh- could I not care less about whatever surely protein-fart based drivel or beer-brained diatribe he launched into. 

Perhaps this is unfair, I did not deign to listen to him. So perhaps he’s better than he seems. But who could blame me, sitting in that car was punishment enough to earn me tuning him out. And! And! For him to have the benefit of the doubt surely he could at least wear deodorant! Hm. Unless he is trying? God that would be depressing, to be so, ugh- I continue to hold out hope I never see him again

Tuesday May 7th

Morning

Mm, I simply must develop a better poker face if I am to continue to suffer in this odor for the week, god forbid even longer- I have prepared accordingly however, yesterday no one mentioned it at work but I swear I kept smelling it, him, all day? Same when I got home, just everytime I calmed down from work bam! I smelled this horrid car ride. I am bringing my cologne to work with me, I plan to put it at lest once more when I arrive at work.

It’s just, Why is this my problem right! I don’t know what his problem is, but I don’t see why I have to suffer because of it right? I should not have to deal with someone like this, he’s supposed to be working for me. I uh, it’s not like I think I’m better than him I just, well I am better than him. Hm, I lost my train of thought. 

Ugh, I keep spacing out today- I’m sure it has to do with my twice-daily rides with, hm. I don’t even know his name. It’s? You know I don’t care. I just need to take it easy, I’m not letting this fucking dude-bro pitstain of a man bother me this much! I’m getting my bag and he is not worth a second further of my, uh, attention.

Evening

I have a headache and I don’t know how it is his fault but it has to be. This whole thing is setting me on edge, I need to chill about Ben. That’s right Ben! I got his name, I actually told him about my headache and he told me that he usually meditates to clear his mind- which crazy that someone so, despite all appearances, mindful treats his body like a sty but- Well not a sty I suppose, or at the very least a well built one- 

Ah, that’s not quite appropriate is it. God he is hot though. Honestly sitting there just breathing in his, uh, scent, helped with the headache. Wait no, it was the meditation, God, why can I not stop thinking of his fucking B.o. My headache was gone but now I feel I’m beginning to run a fever, or at the very least I need to turn down the AC or something-

Better not affect my work tomorrow.

Wednesday May 8th

Morning 

Not gonna be a good one. I fucking woke up late which ive literally never done before! I barely got myself up and ready in time and didn’t realize until the car but I didn’t bring my cologne with me. It turned out to be the least of my problems however as when I got in his car I fully spilled my coffee all over the backseat. Hopefully this will mask his putridity because I now have to sit in the front with him for the ride.

He must know. He has to know it has to be some kinda sick, uh, fetish or something. Its untendable untenable. god get your shit together Jacob. Its so hard to focus on anything else now that Im sitting right by him. I need to talk to someone about this, fuck its like hes exposing his pits on purpose. He wants me to stare at him, i bet. Bet he gets some sort of sick rise out of me. Im sure him and all the other chauffeurs probably get together and jack off about how repulsive and, uh, strong they all are.

God Fuck! Get me out of this car im losing my mind! Need to, ill just get some work done on the commute, should help i think. God its getting hot in here again or something, so help me if this fucker starts actively sweating im gonna lose it

Evening

i just couldnt get anything done today i dont know what was fucking up dude? it was just so hot in there and i mustve forgotten to put deodorant on this morning, people kept complaining but i didnt even notice? i guess i was sweating more than usual, but like, it was so hot in that office and my clothes felt weird, tight almost. As if tho, lol im sure no one even really noticed that i was off.

OH speaking of, Ben really put himself together on the ride home today. He was wearing a button up and everything, must have seen how nice im living and got his shit together! Maybe ive been to hard on the douche? nah car still smelled like shit haha! Or i think it did? didnt really notice it until like halfway thru?

Fuck my clothes are so tight all of a sudden, godd its so hot actually. I look fucking huge in this tiny little monkey suit- almost like Benjamin ha- as if id stoop so low, even if i started getting massive not like id be dum enough to be on his level lol

Thursday May 9th

Morning

Fuckin couldnt find ANYTHING this morning dude! it was like someone came in and took or hid everything i need for work today. ended up having to just fuckin leave for the car without a suit jacket- pretty sure ive got an extra in my office tho so were chill there. mm probably shouldve shaved tho lol

Oh yeah the files! i had some reports that i needed to bring in but totally couldnt find them! Turns out benjamin had them the whole time it was weird, guess i left them last night. but he was like such an ass about it, like he knows anything though the uh, jock, jerk uh. hes actually dressed better than me rn isnt he. Finally threw on a dress shirt, surely inspired by me haha- pulling it off quite well too, his chest hair peaking up through mm-

Fuckkk dude my cocks kinda getting hard looking at him, starting to smell musty in the car too, wait oh shit i didnt even notice that it didnt reek when i got in! weird that its starting to stink now tho whats up with that, looks like hes finally noticing tho ha! its nice to see him finally react to how bad my uh, no how I GOD, how bad fuckin’ he stinks obviously. whatever, ive got more important stuff to think about.

Evening 

okay work was like, not fuckin chill today. idk what was up but like, every little thing i did today just wasnt good enough apparently like okay?? you know me, if something seems off clearly, fucking OBVIOUSLY it uh, i? god my head just keeps going blank i dont get it, im just. Huh, kinda smells like Ben all of a sudden, oh fuck lol my pits have completely sweat through my shirt-

None of this matters anyway though bro! Because i just had the BEST sesh with Ben after work!! honestly the work shit doesnt even bother me, shouldve seen me its like i am a natural at this shit i was getting a pump like ive done it a hundred times. im sure it smelled like a locker room on the ride home lol

OH! I didnt even say, it was all ben’s idea!!! he said the gym always helps him when uh, things get too hard to think about and fuckk bro hes so right. hes so, lol i almost said hes so smart- he definitely knows how to work out though, he kept helping me with my technique but im prety sure he just wanted an excuse to touch me- 

not that im complaining LMAO- every time he did it was like i felt myself getting stronger, and less worried about all those yes-man suit fuckers! hed adjust my arms and i would feel my biceps just suddenly pump larger, hed bump his hands into my pecs while spotting me and theyd just force the bar up even faster, wish hed just go ahead and grab my cock lol

theres time yet too- gonna crash at his place tonight! hopefully ill get to see him put his magic fingers and tight body to use cause fuck bro idk if it was the pump or what but i dont think my balls have ever been this blue, like any time i try to think about, oh ughh, work i just. mm everything in my body just begs me to fucking blow a load- 

Friday May 10th

Morning

fucker just went to bed early- got me all riled up and then i had to jack off alone. felt way better than usual tho, my cock seems bigger to lol, dk whats up with that. wanted to try again this morning but ben was just on my fucking ass trying to get me out the door 

i didnt have any of my clothes, duh, so i just threw on some of his, crazy how much they fit me? they even kinda already smell like me lol. he actually put a suit on which seems wild, funny that i look like a slob and he looks like some uh, fancy guy. Like i should right? uhh is my headache coming back? lol idk but looking at him in that fucking suit sure is making it hard to focus-

ben said i can just change n stuff when we got to the office, its why hes dressed up. ill go ahead and drive us and then hell just run up and get my clothes, idk if theyll fit tho? feel like im larger than i was for some reason- oh yeah my massive fucking pump lol- 

mh speaking of pump, maybe while hes up there ill have time to jack another one out, not like anyonell see or care ya? like its a problem im about to be the fuckin alpha of this company or uh, something. itll be done before hes back, only evidence will be cum stains on his clothes lol. ugh it smells so fucking dank in here i might just cum without touching it lol

Evening

shit man, dont know what i was doing? i feel like i was supposed to go into work today but ben says from now on im just his driver. which easy gig right lol? doesnt even care that i dont shower huhuh-

he got his big promotion today!!! he looked so smug and hot when he came down to tell me, and he promised wed have some fun about it when he got home tonight- just gotta drop him off at some stupid fancy dinner ill probably hit the gym while hes there. gotta keep it up or ill look like some fucking dweeb

plus that means ill get the car totaly filled with my bo- hell fuckin love that, after he gets a good whiff no way wil he not want to fuck then and there huhuh fuck, kinda needs to get that exercise in now that hes doing whatever bitchass shit they do all they day up there needs to give in and just fuck me finally its been so, ugh long and my balls feel so full, and im sweating so much god im fogging up the windows loli better be careful i need to keep it together until then urgh- 

god i just smell so fucken hot

[sorcerersandskillusers]

Fyodor and the Devil: Analysis of Fyodor's motives and role in the narrative

Asagiri has stated that he based Fyodor not on Dostoyevsky the author but on a specific scene from one of his books The Brothers Karamazov where Ivan Karamazov confronts “the devil” in his room.

(It's a really good book, you should read it if you have time. Also. fun fact, Fyodor and the devil wear the same hat, “His soft fluffy white hat was out of keeping with the season.”)

Having read the book and gone over this scene, I realized that this could be used to find out a lot more about Fyodor as a character than we see in the story, including a potential glimpse at his real motivations.

A bit of context for the scene. Ivan Kramazov is a clever but deeply trouble man who has struggling with the concept of God and rationalising him with the cruelty of humanity, at one point while very sick, Ivan starts seeing a man in his room who claims to be “the devil”. Their conversation is a fascinating look at morality and why evil exists in the world, and if you look at it closely it reveals a lot about the role of a “villain” in a story.

This line from “the devil” is really interesting to me, and seems to explain a lot about Fyodor’s character, as well as align perfectly with how Asagiri has described Fyodor in interviews:

Before time was, by some decree which I could never make out, I

was predestined 'to deny' and yet I am genuinely good-hearted and not at all inclined to negation.

'No, you must go and deny, without denial there's no criticism and what would a journal be without a column of criticism?' 

Without criticism it would be nothing but one 'hosannah.' But nothing but hosannah is not enough for life, the hosannah must be tried in the crucible of doubt and so on, in the same style. But I don't meddle in that, I didn't  create it, I am not answerable for it. Well, they've chosen their scapegoat, they've made me write the column of criticism and so life was made possible.

Basically the devil is saying that he was created because without evil then good means nothing, if everything was perfect then nothing would happen or change, life couldn’t exist, so he was forced to be that evil even though he never wanted to be.

This is so similar to how Fyodor is described in the BSD exposition 2020:

Fyodor is the antagonist, he is the villain of the story, that is the role he plays. This explains why he chooses to commit so many atrocities in the name of  “following God's plan”. It even connects to his line in The Dead Apple, and his ability name. He is both crime and punishment, as “crime” or sin originates with the devil, but it's also the devil who punishes sinners.

(I mean the title of the episode he is introduced in is literally “My Ill Deeds Are the Work of God” by committing evil acts he is fulfilling God's purpose for him.)

And if Fyodor is really based on “the devil” it's very likely he also either does or used to wish for release from this role that was assigned to him, but he knows that he cannot stray from his path or the story will cease to exist. My evidence for Fyodor wanting to be free of his mission is just one interaction, when he kills Karma.

Look at Fyodor's expression here, this is the only time in the entire series where we see him look truly sad. This isn't an act, there is no one there for him to trick, he simply says a quiet prayer for the life of a boy who's only purpose was to suffer and die.

This next part of “the devils” speech actually seems to fit very well for Dazai, it's interesting since he is the narrative foil to Fyodor and clearly is a very similar character.

We understand that comedy; I, for instance, simply ask for annihilation. No, live, I am told, for there'd be nothing without you.

If everything in the universe were sensible, nothing would happen. There would be no events without you, and there must be events. So against the grain I serve to produce events and do what's irrational because I am commanded to.

For all their indisputable intelligence,men take this farce as something serious, and that is their tragedy. They suffer, of course... but then they live, they live a real life, not a fantastic one, for suffering is life. Without suffering what would be the pleasure of it? It would be transformed into an endless church service; it would be holy, but tedious. But what about me? I suffer, but still, I don't live. I am x in an indeterminate equation. I am a sort of phantom in life who has lost all beginning and end, and who has even forgotten his own name. 

This ties perfectly into Dazai and Fyodor’s debate on the nature of God in the sky casino arc.

Dazai here points out that it's not perfection and harmony that make the world move, it's the irrational, it's the foolishness and stupidity of humans who charges into life making a million mistakes but always finding ways to fight on through it. Here Dazai and Fyodor represent the conflicting sides of “the devil” with Fyodor embodying his mission to drive the world and Dazai embodying his secret love for, and wish to join, humanity.

“I love men genuinely, I've been greatly calumniated! Here when I stay withyou from time to time, my life gains a kind of reality and that's what I like most of all. Yousee, like you, I suffer from the fantastic and so I love the realism of earth. Here, with you, everything is circumscribed, here all is formulated and geometrical, while we have nothing but indeterminate equations! I wander about here dreaming. I like dreaming. Besides, on earth I become superstitious. Please don't laugh, that's just what I like, to become superstitious. I adopt all your habits here: I've grown fond of going to the public baths, would you believe it?

And I go and steam myself with merchants and priests. What I dream of is becoming incarnate once for all and irrevocably in the form of some merchant's wife weighing eighteen stone, and of believing all she believes. My ideal is to go to church and offer a candle in simple-hearted faith, upon my word it is. Then there would be an end to my sufferings.”

“"Why not, if I sometimes put on fleshly form? I put on fleshly form and I take the consequences. Satan sum et nihil humanum a me alienum puto."*

* I am Satan, and deem nothing human alien to me.”

This piece from the devil feels like it could be a description of Dazai’s character, his wish above all else to find happiness and love as a human despite believing he is a demon. Both Dazai and Fyodor have strong ties to the Devil, both of them are often described as demonic or inhuman, with emphasis placed on the darkness of their souls and the isolation they feel due to their minds.

But the difference between them is how they dealt with it, Fyodor chose to embrace it and fully commit to his role in the story as the ultimate evil for the greater good, but Dazai has always shown a fasciation with humans and has spent his life trying to connect to them and find meaning in his existence.

Finally, let's look at what we can learn about Fyodor’s motivation. Fyodor is the villain, he is the final obstacle the protagonist has to overcome, he is the driving force behind so much of Atsushi’s life and the reason so much of the series has played out at all. He sent Shibusawa to torture Atsushi as a child, he was an informant to the guild who put the bounty on Atsushi making the mafia turn on him, he was involved in the guild invasion, and obviously he was the master mind behind cannibalism and Decay of Angles.

If he is aware of his position as the antagonist, then he also is probably aware Atsushi is the protagonist, he knew he was the “envy of all ability users” after all, so he knows Atsushi has some significance to the world as a whole.

Atsushi is also the “guide to the book” which is seemingly Fyodor’s end goal, so even though Fyodor doesn’t seem to be focused on Atsushi, he has been indirectly influencing his whole journey up to this point. This also explains why Fyodor is only moving actively now, because the protagonist has appeared and his role as the villain can finally be fulfilled and he, like “the devil” can finally get the “annihilation” he asked for. Hence, Fyodor’s true goal is to erase himself from the narrative.

There is actually quite a lot of evidence for this. The obvious part is that Fyodor wants to rid the world of ability users while he himself is an ability user, he cannot exist in his perfect world. 

Then there’s the fact that in the Dead Apple, Fyodor calls himself “crime” if Fyodor is “crime” or “sin” then a world free of sin would not contain him at all

Even when Fyodor talks about sin, he says how humans are easily manipulated into killing each other, while he constantly manipulates characters into killing each other, he is the cause of the sin he fights.

A really strong bit of evidence is this interview with Asagiri and Harukawa

Not only does Asagiri reiterate Fyodors role as the person who moves the story, Harukawa specifically mentions that Fyodor might be trying to create a world without ability users because he thought it was a “bad thing to do” aka the action a villain would take that would lead to a hero stopping them.

“Dos-san is the biggest villain in the story so far, but I have continued to draw him with spaced out eyes that are neither righteous nor evil for a long time. The only time I drew his eyes completely white was when he said he would create a world without skill users. It was because, in reality, we would decide what is evil or not by our own scales, but I wasn't sure if he himself was doing it because he thought that was a bad thing to do.”

This also connects to how Fyodor was able to understand Gogol when no one else could, Gogol is chooses to fight against the way the world is to prove to himself that he truly is free. Fyodor, who is bound to play a part in a narrative, would understand that feeling and that longing to be truly free.

To be clear, I don’t think that Fyodor is really a good person whose just been trapped in an awful position against his will, we see many times that Fyodor revels in his cruelty and enjoys killing and torturing others. Its the same with “the devil” in the book, although he hates the job he was given, he tells Ivan stories of the people he’s corrupted and seems very proud of himself for it.

My personal interpretation is that the sadistic zelot personality Fyodor displays is a mixture of a mask and a coping mechanism, kind of similar to Yosano developing a sadistic side to help her deal with the guilt of half killing people in order to heal them. I think it makes sense that after centuries of cruelty and manipulation a person would become detached and stop really caring about the lives he destroys.

This analysis is partially unfinshed but I wanted to post it now and see what other people think of it.

[menlove]

now i'm curious .. why do you think john was gay?

disclaimer: this is not bi erasure & if anyone tries to start discourse w me about that i do not careeeee sorry. i care deeply abt bi erasure but he never labeled his own sexuality & as a figure of the past it's more than fair to speculate that when he talked abt his attraction to women it was from the pov of a gay man dealing w comphet. if he were alive today and saying he was bisexual i'd leave it alone but he's not so i'm not. sexuality can absolutely be fluid! and he very well may have been bisexual! this is just my personal theory & interpretation of things he's said through the lens of viewing him as a gay man. MOVING ON.

i need you to imagine all of this to the benny hill theme. let's go

with the beatles by alistair taylor pg. 98 (at least in the pdf copy i have- there's no actual page numbers so it might not match up exactly if you have the print copy)

and from the same book like a paragraph down- this one is not AS crazy bc there's a million explanations but also not being able to get it up for the one woman you've fantasized about forever...... oh brother

in a description of an auctioned off audio tape:

this :|

this from JOOOOAN BAEZ. JOAN BAEZ.

(source)

"It’s a plus, it’s not a minus. The plus is that your best friend, also, can hold you without… I mean, I’m not a homosexual, or we could have had a homosexual relationship and maybe that would have satisfied it, with working with other male artists."

this infamous quote (source from the wonderful @amoralto who is a great resource for beatles archiving)

"He was completely open and uninhibited with her, as she learned to be with him, owning up to his deepest sexual fantasies—like one of making love to a woman in her eighties, or even older, whose veined and wrinkled hands would be covered in diamonds. Over time, she became accustomed to his particular style of backhanded compliment. 'Do you know why I like you?' he remarked on one occasion. 'It’s because you look like a bloke in drag. You’re like a mate.' Yoko laughingly replied that she thought he must be 'a closet fag.'"

john lennon: the life by philip norman (take him w a grain of salt. also the doc i have for this one is html so i truly would have 0 clue on what page number this would be) BUT this is also corroborated by a yoko quote herself in a 1981 new york magazine interview

no, no, no by yoko ono which. what do i even need to say.

"I remember it, vaguely. I was out of me mind with drink – when you get down to the point where you drink all the empty glasses, that drunk. And he was saying, 'Well, come on, John, tell us,' something like that, 'Tell me about you and Brian, we all know,' like that. And obviously, I must have been un– uh, f– frightened of the fag in me to get so angry at that. You know, when you’re twenty-one, you want to be a man, and all that. And for the first time I thought, 'I could kill this guy.' I just saw it, like on a screen, that if I hit him once more, I – that’s gonna be it."

this other infamous quote uploaded in an audio by @amoralto (source)

"John believed in my work as an artist wasn’t accepted in part because I am a woman. He got angry when people said about me, 'She’s not a woman, she’s a female impersonator.' John said to me, 'If I had been gay and gotten together with a guy who was talented like you, after ten years that guy would have become famous as an artist in his own right. Maybe we should come out and say, 'Actually, Yoko is a guy.' Maybe that will do it!' That made him laugh a lot. John learned about women’s oppression from me, but I learned a lot about men’s vulnerability from him. He expressed his vulnerability, unlike a lot of other men. I learned that it’s not just men oppressing women. Men also suffer, they feel fear and guilt. For example, I thought the fact that men buy prostitutes was terrible. It filled me with indignation. But John explained it differently. 'It’s humiliating for a guy to buy a whore,' he told me. 'It’s proof that he’s rejected, he’s just so desperate.' I had never thought of that: for me who go to prostitutes, sex is connected to being rejected and humiliated. I always hated people who committed sex crimes, but through John I tuned in to their pain. John told me that it was unfortunate for the poor guy whose sexual preference was a crime and something to be feared. John’s perspective was, 'I’m lucky I’m normal.'"

yoko interview with jon wiener in come together: john lennon in his time. just..... whatever the hell is going on here.

interview w lisa robinson in hit parader "a conversation with john lennon" 1975

"With his four months’ greater experience, Sheridan was an ideal guide to the Reeperbahn’s more exotic diversions, like the Schwülen laden. Stu Sutcliffe later wrote home in amazement that the transvestites were 'all harmless and very young' and it was actually possible to speak to one 'without shuddering.' Though raised amid the same homophobia as his companions, John seemed totally unshocked by St. Pauli’s abundant drag scene; indeed, he often seemed actively to seek it out. 'There was one particular club he used to like,' Tony Sheridan remembers, 'full of these big guys with hairy hands, deep voices—and breasts. But they used to make an effort to talk English. There was something about the place that seemed to make John feel at home.'"

another from john lennon: the life so take it w a grain of salt

so many excerpts from skywriting by word of mouth

and more!

and thats all i'm hunting down for now but he also like Continuously went on and on and and on and ON about how his relationship w yoko worked bc she was so much like a man/mate/what have you

[h50europe]

I wish fans would stop dissecting Buck/Tommy scenes but enjoy them for what they are: flirty banter between two lovers. Oliver stated in an interview he and Tim agreed to keep this relationship on the lighter side, more like a rom-com.

But no people go and dissect it like an alien discovered by NASA in a backyard.

When Tommy throws the line, "God, I hope so," he is nothing but hinting at the age difference, which is, give or take, about 7 years. So what? Seven years is nothing. Still, Tommy refers to it but means it as a joke. And Buck even blushes a little.

I can't remember we've ever seen Buck that flirty and all smiles whenever he and one of his many GFs where together. Can't the pearl clutchers be happy for him because he is finally who he is? Without having to hide a part of his sexuality that he kept buried deep inside before he met Tommy. A side he couldn't even show to Eddie. A side he knew was there but never dared to explore? Tommy came into Buck's life and opened this cage. He understands Buck on a totally different level than Eddie ever could. We see that Eddie has no gaydar. He was also clueless about Tommy being gay. Being so close to Buck, like the tin hats want them to be, he must have realized that Buck isn't only into women but guys as well. "Buddie" lived practically out of each other's pockets. And not once did Eddie ask, "Could it be that you aren't just into girls?" In a serious manner, not as a joke.

How about dissecting Eddie's dating "issues" with the doppelganger of his deceased wife? Does this imply Eddie's into necrophilia? This is ridiculous. It would be only one of their reactions. The nicer one, I guess. But it is no different from their daddy-kink nonsense.

What's wrong with these tin hats who are constantly complaining about LIs in general. No matter if it's Buck or Eddie? Shoving your favorite ship down everybody else's throat is the opposite of being open-minded and tolerant.

If Buddie should ever become canon, they will need a lot of patience. Eddie suffers from PTSD and is mentally unstable. Now, he lost his son. He has so much on his plate already. The last thing he needs right now is Buck coming over him like a force of nature and telling him he loves him. That would be the final straw if you want to see him end up in a loony bin. Eddie has to be on his own for some time to find out what and who he really wants. Something that would have to be stretched at least over a few episodes, if not over a full season. If it should be realistic. It took them 100 episodes to address Buck's bi-sexuality. And we saw hints here and there. We never saw hints of it concerning Eddie. Why do these "fans" think you can turn him bi from one moment to the other? Like Oliver said, it's not what he wanted for his character that Buck is bi, and suddenly, everyone else around him has some sort of sexual awakening. Since when can't a bisexual or gay man can't have a heterosexual bestie?

Also, bashing and harassing an actor for a part he is playing shows how sick these tin hats are. Or do they really think they could scare him off the show with their immature behavior and their unfounded hatred? Such behavior never ended a series character, let alone made a showrunner diverge from his plans and suddenly turn his show into a fan service-only show. Get a life ASAP, you tin hats and spread your toxic behavior among your ilk. It's not our fault you're leading a sad life full of envy and h*te. I am so sorry for you all. Fueled with so much anger must turn you into embittered personalities with no fun and no friends. How many of you opened sock puppet accounts to have at least someone to talk to? Living in an echo chamber can be exhausting at times...

[lokisprettygirl]

Rain to his Fire (Modern! Daemon Targaryen x Female Reader) (Non Canon 80s Au) (18+)

Read Chapter 6 here// Series Masterlist

Chapter 7

Summary: Amidst the chaos of learning the truth about Tanya, you meet someone from the past and things develop between you and Daemon.

Warning: 18+, smutty scenarios, crude language, description of Statutory rape, discussion of mental health (it's a fic based in a mental health facility), mention of physical assault, the fic would contain several mentions of several disorders like mpd, did etc, if something triggers you don't read, smoking.

As you heard the news about Tanya, your heart started to race and your chest began to feel tight. You knew that you needed a moment to yourself, so you hastily excused yourself from the cafeteria and ran hurriedly to make your way to the fourth floor to get to your room.

On the way you saw Daemon as he was being escorted for his session and the washed out look on your face concerned him to say the least.

As soon as you went inside your room, you locked the door and sat down on the bed to think about Tanya. Poor girl, she was suffering so much with her sickness while she was here. But she seemed so happy while she was discharged, she hugged you so warmly as if she couldn't wait to get out of this place, then what happened to her?

And Why was her body found near King's landing?

You were lost in all the questions when you remembered the note you had found under her mattress so you quickly got up and reached into your closet.

Reading the note now filled you with immense guilt and uneasiness, at first you had assumed that she was just paranoid of her environment, a mental health facility wasn't exactly a happy place to be in, you figured that it was one of her personalities just writing anything but now your heart felt sinking into your guts as you realized that the note could have been a distress call for help.

Perhaps she knew something, or someone who was trying to harm her. You felt nauseous about the implications of the note, perhaps you could have helped her if you had passed on the note to the police. You should have looked for her, why didn't you?

Tears rolled down your eyes as you remembered her sweet face, she was so young and kind and she didn't deserve whatever had happened to her.

That afternoon members of the staff were informed that the police would be interviewing each member separately, you had never been questioned by the police before so obviously it made you nervous.

You couldn't even breathe properly, at one moment it seemed as if you'd die of a heart attack like your mother did.

As you were finally called in, you went inside Dr Darren’s office, the investigation was being held there.

“Good afternoon” you mumbled as you sat down. There were two men sitting opposite you, a middle aged brown haired man and the other one with dark hair seemed younger, and he also seemed familiar for some reason.

"I'm Detective Hightower," the older man said, introducing himself and his partner, "Detective Criston." You nodded nervously and tried to take in a deep breath, but your chest felt constricted still..

"You seem nervous," Det. Criston Spoke as he offered you a glass of water. "Have a drink”

“I'm fine..i am just nervous” you spoke nervously,

“Don't be.. it's routine..we just have a few questions regarding Tanya Anderson” Your eyes teared up as Det. Hightower said her name.

“Sure” you were looking anywhere but at the officers and you wondered if they would see you as a suspect because you were acting really suspicious.

“You're tearing up, I can imagine it must be hard as you were assigned as her custodian, is that correct?” Det. Criston asked, his voice firm but professional.

“Yeahh”

You had tried so hard to control your tears but you failed eventually so you placed your hand over your eyes as you cried as silently as you could. Det. Criston got up from his chair and offered you the glass of water so you took it from him this time.

“Thank you and I'm sorry”

You mumbled meekly so Det. Hightower gave you a comforting smile.

“It's alright, take your time”

A minute later you finally took a deep breath and looked up at them.

“Okay I'm ready..thank you for being so kind” you said politely as you recovered from the outburst you had just now.

“No issues..so y/n..how long have you been here for?”

“Two years”

“Was Miss Tanya the first person you looked after, not just as a custodian but as a friendly companion as well?” Hightower asked so you shook your head in response.

“There are several patients I care for while I'm on duty, she was one of them but we definitely got along, she just seemed so out of place here when she wasn't suffering from her ailments” they looked at each other as you said that.

“What do you mean?” Hightower inquired,

“She seemed normal most of the time and then sometimes she would freak out out of nowhere, she was suffering from multiple personality disorder or something. Dr. Vis was treating her here at the facility” you told them so Hightower nodded his head as he wrote down your statement. Why did you have to mention Vis? They must know that already.

“Alright …did she ever tell you anything personal, about anyone trying to hurt her or just anything really?” Criston inquired so you shook your head.

“No, not really, she often talked about her childhood but never went into much detail.”

“Okay good, thanks for your time y/n, we will connect again if required” Criston said to you so you nodded and as you were about to get up you realized that now was the one and only chance you'd get to tell them about the note you had found, even though it might get you in trouble with the management.

“Can I ask you something?” you asked nervously so Det. Hightower gave you a slight nod.

“What happened to her? When did she die?” You asked them solemnly so they shared a look with each other.

“It's a classified information that we can't share just yet”

“Okay ummm the day after she was discharged from here, I was cleaning her room for the new patient and found this under her mattress, perhaps it can be of help”

Criston grabbed the piece of paper and as soon as he had read it, you saw the worried look on his face instantly.

“Who else knows about this?” Hightower asked you.

“Nobody” as you answered you noticed that he seemed instantly relieved.

“Thanks for bringing this up to us”

You nodded as they dismissed but as you stepped out of the office you heard Detective Criston calling your name so you turned around.

“Hey y/n..I think you didn't recognise me in there” You looked at him confused as he said that, he did seem familiar. “It's Cole, we went to middle school together.. perhaps the term rock boy would jog your memory?”

“Oh you're the boy that collected rocks ..oh i know youuuu” you smiled as you finally recalled the memory, it brought an unexpected smile to your face. “So detective huh? That's amazing... wow that's so cool” you said to him as you crossed your arms.

“Thank you..well i am still obsessed with collecting rocks though” You let out a small laugh as he said that.

“Why have I never seen you here before?” You asked him so he sighed deeply

“Because I just got transferred like a month ago, I was in Bradford before I got here” you nodded as he said that.

“Ahhh well okay..i better get back to my work now, but it was really nice catching up with you” you mumbled politely so he gave you a smile.

“Sure”

“Ummm if you find out something about her. Will you let me know?” You asked him so he nodded in response.

“Is there a number I can call here to connect with you?” He asked you so you nodded so he took out a pen from the coat's pocket and offered you his palm as a parchment.

“Uhhh okay” you chuckled nervously as you grabbed onto his fingers to write the digits on his palm before you mumbled a goodbye..

As you turned around you saw Daemon standing a few feet away from you with two guards holding onto him. He was staring deeply into your soul and it made you nervous.

“Not this guy again” you heard Criston mumbling so you turned around to look at him. Did they know each other? The events of the day were becoming increasingly strange. It was especially puzzling since Daemon wasn't even here when Tanya left so why was he being questioned.

You hadn't seen Daemon all day, so visiting his room directly seemed risky. Waiting until night, you knocked on his door once before sneaking into the terrace and walked towards the ledge, looking down. Your heart sank again as you thought about Tanya, imagining her final moments stirred emotions you didn't wish to face. You couldn't shake off the feeling of helplessness, knowing that you weren't there for her when she needed someone in her corner.

The scent of mahogany filled your nostrils before he had his arm wrapped around your waist so you turned around and hugged him tightly, finally letting the tears out. Caressing your head gently he then placed a soft kiss on your shoulder. Your fingers clenched around his shirt as you felt the warmth of his body, on a cold night he felt like a comforting bonfire.

“I found a note under the mattress, a cry for help and i ignored it..i thought she probably wrote it in her fits of paranoia, what if I had caused it…what if it could have been prevented if I had gone to the authorities or perhaps if I would have checked on her–” your lips trembled as you spoke, you had been keeping it all in since this morning and his hot comforting embrace was all you needed in the moment.

“Shhhhh it's not your fault alright? You couldn't have known darling..it's an unfortunate tragedy but you can't put the blame on yourself okay” you shook your head as he said that so he cupped your cheeks and wiped your tears “Hey look at me..not your fault, none of this is your fault” he mumbled softly so you placed your head back on his chest and nodded as you let out your tears until you couldn't cry any more.

Once your breathing leveled back to normal you pulled away from him.

“Why did they call you in for questioning? You weren't even here back then” you asked him, worry evident in your voice.

“I don't really know..why did that copper have your telephone number on his palm?” He asked you, a hint of jealousy visible and it made you smile a little.

“We went to school together..he remembered me” he squinted his eyes for a moment before he rolled them around in typical Daemon fashion.

“He's an arse” he grumbled.

“Why would you say that? Do you know him from before?”

“It doesn't matter..how are you feeling?” he asked as he shifted the conversation again.

“Okay..I'm okay” you mumbled softly.

“You should get out of this forsaken place once in a while” he said to you.

“And go where..do what?”

“Anything..you're young and beautiful, live your fucking life” you let out a chuckle as he said that.

“And do exactly what out there? Get drunk in bars and have sex with random men?” he grabbed the back of your neck as you said that, the smirk on your face only boiled his anger. He hated imagining that scenario in his head, a sight of you in some other man's bed, writhing and moaning underneath him.

“I'd kiss you right now if I wasn't your first kiss” he whispered against your mouth so you stifled the moan that was threatening to spill from deep within you.

“I have been kissed before”

“I don't think so”

The audacity. Not that he was wrong.

“It wasn't consensual but i have been kissed” his brows furrowed as you said that.

“Elaborate”

“You don't want to know trust me”

“I do want to know”

“Well long story short I was at party with few of my friends, I got drunk out of my mind and then started to cry because I was just sad.. really sad, about my life and I kept crying and this guy that I was dancing with kissed me out of nowhere.. and i hated it, I didn't like it at all” you mumbled hurriedly so he grabbed your cheeks between his palms. If he had enough information he'd have found the guy and perhaps beat him to pulp for touching you like that in your vulnerable advantageous state.

“I'm starting to see why you're so appalled by intimacy”

“I'm not against it..i just don't want to do it with every other fella” he smirked as you responded. He knew you would want to do it with him sooner or later, his ego was soaring these days due to that particular reason.

“Kissing a person you adore is a high darling, nothing short of a drug” he whispered in your ear so you pulled away from him to control yourself.

“You must have kissed many people then” you taunted him so he chuckled.

“Didn't really adore half of them”

“Well i didn't enjoy being kissed so–”

“Were you attracted to that bloke who forced himself upon you?” he asked strictly.

“No”

“That's why..you have to have the hots for the man who's into your mouth darling” you bit on your lips as he said that. You had definite hots for him and you wanted his mouth in yours.

“We should go”

Before we do something stupid you thought.

He stared at your lips for a moment so you placed your hands on his chest and nudged him slightly to get out of his warmth but you weren't really expecting what he was about to say next. Unpredictable as always.

“Sleep with me tonight” his tone was deathly serious and you couldn't deny how your intimate areas were tingling at the prospect of it.

“Are you joking?” you chuckled to hide your arousal.

“No ..I'm not joking, I'm not asking you to have sex with me, just sleep with me, in the same bed”

“That's not a good idea at all”

It was a great idea but a risk you couldn't take these days, besides you had never slept with a man you were attracted to before.

“I'll come to your window..nobody will know”

“No ..stop..lets go” you giggled as you dragged him along with you to take him back to his room.

Once you laid down in your bed, your mind shifted from thoughts of Tanya to those of Daemon, you wondered how it would feel to have him so close to you, his mouth rubbing against yours slowly and sensually.

The following day, you were assigned to clean room 390, formerly occupied by Mrs. Rodriguez, who had been discharged. This left you surprised, considering her frail mental state. While tidying up, the sound of the door opening caught your attention, and Doctor Vis stepped in, his presence intimidating and commanding like always.

“Good morning doctor” you mumbled politely so he gave you a smile and walked closer to you, you didn't even understand what he was doing or why he was looking at you like that but a part of you knew it couldn't have been about anything else but Daemon. Your life seemed to revolve around him only these days.

“Did you hear about the upcoming gala on Sunday?” He asked you so you nodded in response. The fundraising gala was traditionally held annually at King's Landing institution, offering a unique opportunity for patients, doctors, and staff to come together for one night, setting apart from the usual daily routine.

“I want you to take my…uhhh i want you to make sure that Daemon is on his best behavior at the gala” He said to you, making you all perplexed about his motive.

“How would I do that?” you asked him firmly so he smiled again.

“Just keep him engaged in conversations, think of it as a part of your duty and you'll earn a hefty bonus immediately”

Well the bonus would be nice but the entire situation bewildered you. Why did he only assign these extra tasks to you? Especially after that day when he had seen Daemon attacking you?

On the night of the gala, you chose to pamper yourself with a refreshing shower and meticulous grooming. After doing your makeup, you slipped into a black, full-length dress gifted to you by your mother, a piece you had never worn before, you never found the occasion for it.

You didn't dress up this lavishly for the previous galas as you really didn't care unlike this year. The dress featured thin straps that hugged your figure, a smidgen of cleavage on display, leaving you feeling both elegant but also slightly exposed. However you wanted to look sexy tonight, it was strange having such feelings, wanting to dress up for someone, getting all dolled up so he'd look at you differently and would perhaps make your knees tremble with his inappropriate touching and filthy words.

You enjoyed that feeling.

As you reached the main hall you felt everyone's eyes on you, especially your colleagues, they were not used to seeing you so made up.

There were plenty of influential people invited at the gala, it was a grand affair, alot to look forward to but your eyes wandered around to just see him, besides you had a job to do.

You didn't know what you were expecting but you definitely didn't expect to see Daemon in an all black suit that gave him the aura of a royal prince. Two guards had been appointed by the Viserys to bring him to the venue but as he entered Viserys gestured them to uncuff him from the shackles and then he gestured to you to keep an eye on him. The look hadn't gone unnoticed by Daemon as he walked towards you.

“Who knew you were hiding all this behind that granny dress you wear everyday” he mumbled as he neared you so you rolled your eyes.

“Who knew you were capable of wearing a two-piece suit?” you retorted making him chuckle in response

“You look gorgeous love” he muttered, a smirk playing on his lips,

“You look handsome” you responded honestly.

“Thank you”

“I'll get a drink” you turned around to get to the bar as you felt flushed under his intense gaze. As soon as you had your back to him he stared at your hips shamelessly while you walked away from him and cursed profanities under his breath, the dress hugged you in all the right places and his instincts were screaming at him to pounce on you right now.

To claim you in every possible way, show you what you were missing in your bed every night.

He was half a wild unruly creature and sometimes you made it really hard for him to keep that animal intact inside him, your alluring presence ignited the fire already burning within him, compelling him to satisfy that beast who just wanted to mate with his mate.

You made it really hard for him, literally and figuratively.

His eyes met with Shyla at the other end of the hallway but she quickly looked away as he approached you.

“It's my birthday” he mumbled as he stood next to you at the bar so you looked at him surprised.

“Really?”

“You can check my records”

“Why didn't you tell me all day?” You asked him so he rolled his eyes.

“I don't celebrate it”

“Why not?” you probed further to make him open up so he sighed.

“You need friends and family to do so.. didn't have any of that growing up” there was a hint of sadness in his tone and you felt your heart clenching at the sight of him.

“Well..how old are you now?”’

“35.. I feel ancient”

“I hear you” you hesitated for a moment before you spoke further,

“I have a job to do ..Dr. Vis have asked me to keep you in line and in return i would receive an early bonus” he chuckled as you said that, clearly amused.

“He's an imbecile” he scoffed

“True but he's being cautious, you areeee unpredictable” you admitted to which he responded with a smirk.

“Uhhhuh and that arse thinks a pretty little thing like you would get me under control if I wanted to go berserk right about now?” he asked arrogantly as he stepped closer to you. The scent of mahogany made your knees weak already and he hadn't even touched you yet.

“Perhaps I can do that” you replied confidentially as if to challenge him.

“You're overconfident love…I care about you but you can't tie me on a leash and have me wrapped around your fingers like a domestic pet” His words were affecting you in ways you couldn't even describe to yourself, you didn't think it was possible to feel so turned on by a man speaking to you so callously.

"Mhmmm, perhaps I would simply have to manipulate you emotionally." He raised an eyebrow, clearly intrigued as you challenged him again.

“And how would you do that?”

“Like this” you made a sad face and your eyes teared up suddenly as you looked at him with that pathetic puppy look on your face, his eyes softened for a moment before he realized that you were messing with him.

“Oh you little minx”

You couldn't help but grin at his response, feeling the sizzling chemistry between you, the flirting and the electric tension filling the air. The sight of him dressed so sharply added fuel to the fire, igniting a heat within your core. He then walked so close to you that there was not an inch of space left between your bodies, for a moment you worried about being seen like this but his words kept you hooked to him.

“Ask me to be nice and I won't disappoint you” he whispered in your ear.

“Will you be nice please?” You asked him softly so he caressed the bridge of your nose before he stepped away from you.

“You got it Princess”

And he upheld his promise, throughout the gala he was well behaved and polite with everyone, not that many people were interacting with him. He was misunderstood and he had done nothing to diffuse those rumors about him attacking Shyla. Sometimes you envied the power he had where he didn't give any fucks about his reputation.

Later that night you grabbed a piece of cake and made your way to his room, he had left the Gala before you and you didn't want to look suspicious so you waited for a bit before you stole the cake and sneaked out quietly.

Like always he had his door open so you entered immediately.

As expected, you found him standing by the window, his arms resting against the frame, the soft light of the moon bathing his silhouette.

“Happy birthday” you mumbled softly as he turned around and his gaze met with yours. The gentle flicker of the candle you had carefully placed on the cake casted a warm orange hue and he didn't know what it was about the gesture but it made him want to cry. All his adult life he had fought against emotions like these but with you he was failing miserably.

He walked towards you as he stared at you so you gestured towards the cake,

“Blow and make a wish” you told him so he chuckled and shook his head but his resolved melted as you made a pout, you didn't bring any fork so you cut the corner of the slice with your fingers and offered the sweet delicious treat to him, you weren't really expecting him to suck your fingers clean off the delicious cream. He grabbed the plate from your hands and stepped away from you to place it on the dresser before he approached you again.

“I want to touch you” he murmured under his breath and your heart ceased to beat for a moment.

“Where?” you asked hesitantly but evidently turned on by the husky whisper of his voice.

“Everywhere” he wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you closer to his chest so you looked up at him.

“You can't start touching me everywhere at once, it's …scary” you mumbled softly.

His fingers trailed up from your wrist and you shuddered as they caressed the curve of your shoulders, he messed around with the straps of your dress before he lowered them down, exposing your clavicle and a bit of cleavage, it wasn't really much but you felt as if you were all naked , you felt as if he could see right through you and the thought made you feel so aroused.

As his thumbs traced over your collarbone, your eyes rolled back in your head involuntary.

“Is this alright? Not too much, hmm?” he asked, his voice gentle but slightly mocking in your ears.

“No..not much..” the trembling of your voice betrayed the conviction in your words.

“Yet you're shaking like a leaf” he murmured as his thumb traced over the curve of your breasts, ragged breaths escaped your chest at the touch. You could feel yourself dripping in your thong. “Depriving yourself of such pleasures all your life? It's a shame darling, a woman as sensual as you was made to be ridden every night”

You silenced him with a gentle press of your palm against his lips as he spoke filthily.

“I don't want to be touched by anyone or everyone” you mumbled meakly as his hands wrapped around your neck like a necklace, his hold both possessive and gentle at the same time.

“And I would be honored if you'd allow me to savor a part of you that you've never shared before, my sweet girl. I promise to keep it safe, secure, and thoroughly pleased.” your eyes moistened at the sincerity in his voice.

“Mmmmhm? Kiss me then”

You looked him in the eye and cupped his cheeks as before you got angled up and pecked his lips briefly.

He leaned down and took a whiff of your scent before he sucked a mark on your neck, his lips then trailed up to your jaw and as he kissed the corner of your mouth, you felt your knees trembling with anticipation.

“Daemon” you whispered against his mouth as he cupped your cheeks.

“Mmm?” He asked, concern filled his voice as he didn't want to make you uncomfortable in the slightest.

“I …adore you..very much”

“As do i”’

With those words he then planted his lips on yours, your breath hitched in your chest as you gasped in his mouth, the wave of feelings that you experienced felt unfamiliar. This feeling that you had, you couldn't have anticipated it. It definitely wasn't the same as kissing your own hand as a child to practice kissing, and it definitely didn't feel as awful as it had with that man you didn't even remember the name of. He let go of your upper lips and looked at you for a moment,

“I'm not kissing you back am i?” You asked him between your bated breaths but he didn't answer, he smiled instead and leaned down to capture your lower lip into his mouth , his hands cupping your other cheeks as he pulled you closer to him.

The feeling of his warm big hands rubbing over the curve of your rear flipped a switch inside you right then and you reciprocated his movements, arms curled around his neck as you followed the rhythm of his mouth.

For the first time in your life you felt as if you were in a hazy dream, this feeling felt too good to be true, and for the first time your boring mundane life felt as exciting and as thrilling as those wild dreams you have had all your life. And it terrified you if you were being honest with yourself.

As his tongue slipped into your mouth you were a goner, the taste of him was something you could see yourself getting addicted to, it offered you a euphoric high like that of a drug as he had said, it felt intoxicating, but it was a high no other drug could ever compare to.

As the kiss deepened, he didn't pull away until he was gasping for breath, stealing the air from your lungs with each frantic inhale. Doubts filled your head, and you wondered whether the kiss was as magical for him as it was for you. Did he feel the fire burning within his soul, or was this moment merely a fleeting distraction for him?

“It is” he mumbled softly as peppered kisses all over your face so you looked at him confused “it is as magical for me as it was for you darling”

You still didn't understand how he was so intuitive, perhaps he had a strong sixth sense or something, considering that he was half dragon, you were still on the fence of believing it completely.

“Turn around for me” he asked you, his tone commanding so you hesitated for a moment before you complied. Then, the cool touch of metal wrapping around your neck caught you off guard, drawing a gasp from your lips.

Honestly you just wanted to kiss him again and then again.

“Daemon–”

“It's a gift…belonged to my mother” You turned around to look at him as he said that.

“I don't think I deserve it yet” you whispered softly so he placed his fingers on your lips to shut you up.

“Just keep it .. please”

“Okay”

He placed his forehead down on yours as he sighed so you tucked his hair behind his ears before you cupped his cheeks.

“What is bothering you?”

He wasn't the only one with strong senses it seems.

“Nothing” he mumbled as he grabbed the locket of the pendant between his fingers and contemplated his words before speaking “Don't put it on in front of Viserys”

“Viserys?” You looked at him confused so he nodded.

“Dr. Vis”

He had a full name? Why didn't you know that after all these years?

“Okay..why though?” Your puzzled expression prompted him to sigh again.

“He'd recognise it..it belonged to my mother” his answer only confused you further.

“Why would he know about this Daemon?” you asked him as the curiosity piqued, you knew Dr Vis had been treating him for a while but why would he know about the necklace you thought, it was personal. And that's when he revealed the truth about his relationship with the man you knew as Dr. Vis.

“Cause he's my brother.. he's my older brother”

👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

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@anukulee @ammo23 @littledark11 @stupidthoughtsinwriting

@daenny-t

[saintsenara]

For sure and fair play, HP was a long project! But yeah, JKR fiercely defending her inconsistencies almost forces us to fiercely point them. Out of spite. I do get that many issues were out of Harry’s radar and understanding, but JKR trying to convince the audience through interviews that the wizarding world doesn’t have the same prejudices as the muggle world just makes me conclude that she must be herself incredibly unaware of the privileges herself and people in her circle possess. Plus the whole HIV parallel that just sounds so misguided and sours the text to me. Yet here I am! Love your blog xx

the lycanthropy-as-aids metaphor is extraordinary in how tone-deaf it is and it pisses me off...

especially because it doesn't make sense at any point in the story. the complete transformation of how house elves think of their enslavement between chamber of secrets [in which dobby mentions whisper-networks of politically-engaged elves decrying their treatment at the hands of wizards] and goblet of fire is really fucking irritating, but it has some slight defence in the narrative shift that the series undergoes after prisoner of azkaban from children's boarding-school literature to something approaching folkloric epic.

[that is, chamber of secrets needs to wrap up with dobby being freed, the malfoys getting their - comparatively benign - comeuppance, and everything being well, because children's stories always end with that everything back to normal vibe, and so the fact that harry has just learned that the wizarding world has institutionalised chattel slavery and been remarkably unbothered by that fact can be shelved by the genre conventions. after prisoner of azkaban, the books end more ambiguously and are more interlinked, as they start moving towards their big conclusion in deathly hallows, and are also darker in tone. and yet she decided to use this shift in tone... to make elves love being enslaved...]

which is to say, perhaps the lycanthropy-as-aids metaphor could be justified as a standalone plot device within prisoner of azkaban - since the reader does hear lupin explain not only the shame and stigma wizarding society's poor understanding of his condition causes, but also how the state's callous discrimination against werewolves impacts his ability to access healthcare, education, and employment - which then doesn't work after the series' narrative shift, when jkr wanted to introduce characters like fenrir greyback...

except it doesn't work even then! because at the end of prisoner of azkaban lupin turns into a rampaging monster who has a desperate, primal urge to eat children - and reveals his condition to be legitimately dangerous to an extent which entirely justifies why parents would feel uneasy about him being employed in a school.

[and - especially - being employed without dumbledore appearing to put any safeguards in place to keep both lupin and his students safe.]

one part of the tragedy of the aids crisis is baseless social stigma at an individual level, absolutely, and lupin - who is a nice [ish] man who doesn't meet the stereotypes wizards appear to have of untransformed werewolves - suffers from this.

but another is the way this stigma drove a state-sanctioned looking-the-other-way and refusing to act while the bodies piled up - something there is no parallel for in the series' worldbuilding around werewolves, not least because it tends to have a positive view of states and their institutions [state corruption is always located in individuals - fudge, umbridge - rather than in the structures which enable them, which are seen as fundamentally sound, for example] which i would imagine most people who know even a cursory amount about the official response to the aids crisis are unlikely to share...

and another is that - since hiv has a very, very long asymptomatic period - it was spreading without anyone knowing it existed for years, if not decades, before it burst into the public consciousness with death on wholesale scale. and then it continued to spread in terror and confusion - for years, you couldn't know if you had it until you started getting sick, and then, when you could access tests [if you could access tests], you were told it was a death sentence, and you would be unable to pinpoint when and by whom you'd been infected, and you would be unable to know how many people you might have infected in turn.

nothing about the series' presentation of lycanthropy corresponds to this.

but, with this said, i think there are two parallels between the conditions which could be interesting in the hands of someone who approached them with care.

the first is to see lupin's role as the series' one "good werewolf" as a mirror to the fact that public opinion became considerably more sympathetic to those living with and dying of hiv/aids when it began to emerge that people [white! "respectable"! heterosexual!] had been infected via blood transfusions and treatments for haemophilia. queer men and intravenous drug users could be dismissed as having brought their infections upon themselves... but not someone [white! "respectable"! heterosexual!] who went into hospital for a routine operation and came out slowly dying.

lupin - the son of a prominent civil servant [with all the class status that entails], bitten as a child through no fault of his own, hogwarts educated, connected to establishment figures like dumbledore - makes a great poster child for a milquetoast "werewolves aren't all bad" campaign which manages not to offend the state's sensibilities by asking it to stop demonising pretty much every other werewolf in history...

the second is to think about the generational divide.

in countries where access to appropriate medication is widespread [and that there are many countries where this isn't the case shouldn't be forgotten], hiv is easily treatable, easily manageable, easily rendered untransmissable, and easily preventable. the quality of life - and the life expectancy - of hiv positive people is now broadly equal to that of their hiv negative peers. the number of aids-related deaths worldwide annually has more than halved since 2010 and, in 2024, it is possible to say that virtually nobody who is newly diagnosed with hiv will go on to develop aids.

this is - sincerely - one of the single greatest achievements in the history of medicine. and it's completely changed how we think and talk about hiv, what it means to be diagnosed with it, what it means to live with it, and what it means to know [and to love, and to fuck] someone who has it.

if we imagine that there are similar advances in the treatment of lycanthropy - with the wolfsbane potion, which seems pretty bare-bones, replaced with something which made the impact of the werewolf's transformation even less severe [or which prevented it altogether] - then being a werewolf in the 2020s would mean something very different than it did in the 1980s.

and if - say - lupin is right, and teddy inherits his condition, thinking about how enormously different his experience being a werewolf might be from his father's [even at a very basic level - not having to turn down invitations based on the moon cycle, for example], and how he would come to understand himself and understand lupin through this different experience, would be a genuinely fascinating premise for a fic.

but not if jkr was writing it.

[nalyra-dreaming]

Hi! I don't know if this has been asked before (it feels like it will have been) and my apologies if it has but:

If Louis recovering his memories from Armand's mind control thing... Why is Armand allowing this second interview to go ahead? Especially when Daniel is obviously able to get to Louis?

Hey! :)

well... for one I think it needs to be differentiated what "control" is... Like, canonically Armand spellbinds Louis on several occasions in Paris. For example. That... is for more selfish reasons, I would say, we will see how they will spin it in the show.

Later on though, when he seems to have "tinkered" (as Assad called it) in the show... that was likely done in an effort to "help", imho - because he does love Louis. And Louis suffers. The things Louis will remember now... will not be pretty. On the contrary, it will be beyond painful what will be uncovered.

And then, of course, there is the aspect of "the Devil's Minion" having happened in the past (as I am quite sure we will get to see at least parts of in the upcoming seasons)... Armand loves Daniel, Daniel who book canonically becomes his only fledgling.

So, with that in mind...

We know Daniel was kept track off, the package with the tapes arrives in his post box without an address on it (for example), his medical status is known, and there is medicine for him there, which was prepared, and which is not what they claim it to be (the side effects don't match, as noted by others).

I think Louis might have... come to the conclusion at some point that a few things do not match, and I think... that he leveraged the idea of redoing the interview, in an effort to get Daniel to Dubai, and in an effort to slay multiple dragons at once:

Redo the interview. Find out what his subconscious is telling him, what Armand might be hiding (possibly hidden with Louis knowing !- that is also a possibility, that he asked for the memories to be taken away, but has doubts now?! We'll see^^)

Reunite Armand and Daniel, because he does not want Armand to be alone after... because Louis is tired. And if Claudia's diaries are used as I think they will be (as the catalyst they were in the books), then this season will end rather... cataclysmic.

Find a way to at least prolong Daniel's life. As noted above the medicine Daniel gets had to be prepared, and Fareed's presence is no coincidence, it hints at... certain things. (Fareed is the physician/scientist of the vampires in the later books).

Armand... Armand "allows" this because he needs to prolong Daniel's life, wants to see him again, and... loves Louis. And there is also the aspect that what he is keeping from Louis and Daniel - if deliberately or by promise - must weigh quite heavily on him.

I think there is at least a tiny part of him which looks forward to it all being revealed, because being the only one to know the truth... must be a heavy burden.

... ultimately I think it's not clear cut. "Decisions are made of kneaded feelings" (to quote Hannibal here) and all that.

There are a lot of aspects playing into it all. And a lot of them have to do with potential (and very real) emotional hurt.

Which is also (I think) why he decided on a role play at first - to protect his heart, more than anything else.

[areasontoismile]

This is me reliving my tumblr so I can get some feelings off of my chest

I’m 12 years old. A family member is sitting on a computer desk and calls me to watch this performance of five boys singing so nicely. “The blonde one is so cute!” they say. I have no idea who they are but the blonde one is in fact cute.

13. My life kinda sucks right now because everything is changing too fast and I can’t handle it. The only thing that helps me cope with life is coming home from school and watching every single video, interview, performance and learn lyrics to their songs - and I don’t even understand what they’re saying most of the time.

Now I’m 14. It’s a hot day and we’re celebrating Mother’s Day in my country. My mom drives me to the stadium and my heart is so heavy with excitement I can’t contain myself. I stand there from 10 am till midnight, no food, not using the restroom, sun on my head and I’ve never been happier. I see them, I’m so close to them I can see how in between the vocals Harry is thanking everyone for coming to see them - all that off mic. I can see Louis making funny faces for us, I see zayn picking my friend’s flag and lifting it up. I can see Niall smiling and enchanting everyone. I see Liam being the nicest human being ever - always on center, like the north of the band. Harry dedicates the concert for all the mothers for letting us go see them. I leave and hug my mom so hard, it’s the best day of my life and I’m terribly thankful to her for letting me be there.

I’m 16. I’m logging on my Facebook after school and my heart drops: zayn is leaving the band. I could see that coming but why is it so sad? I hope everyone is ok.

I’m 17. They’re taking a break. It’s ok, I guess. They need to rest. Can’t wait to hear their solo songs.

I’m 18. I’m sitting on the bus on my way to college and my face can’t hide the giant smile on my face while listening to all the solo song from the guys. They’re so good they should be in a band.

I’m 21. I become an orphan due to Covid. Life is not worth living. I can’t listen to music anymore because it feels like I’m betraying my parents by doing something good for me. I deserve to suffer. Hey, liam is doing a live on Instagram and Niall is joining him! I can’t believe they’re still close. It makes me happy. Maybe I deserve to numb the pain sometimes. Maybe my parents would like to see me happy.

I’m 25. It’s a sunny day and the day before I had to go to the cemetery wich always makes me emotional. I think today it’s gonna be better. I open Instagram. My heart stops for a second. What do you mean Liam died? What? That must be fake. No way. But what about his baby? What about his family? My heart is so broken it doesn’t make sense - he didn’t even know me. I feel like part of my childhood is gone.

[justenjoythegossip]

Will Chris’ “psychotic” fans be held responsible for the end of the shitshow?

Recently an article regarding Abba’s near ”abduction” story resurfaced, or I should say was reposted. It seemed pretty random of course. But was it? Because you see, this story hints at an original trauma that she might have suffered as a kid. If you combine this (real or fictitious) traumatic experience with the narrative that Chris’ fans are psychos who really can’t stand to see him in a relationship, well then you have created the perfect storm for their separation. Will that excuse be used to explain their divorce which couldn’t come soon enough by the way? 

So many breadcrumbs pointing to Abba being scared… 

The narrative that Chris’ fans are crazy and don’t want to see him with anyone has been going on for years. His brother Scott alluded to it not so long ago during an interview. Yvette Nicole Brown tweeted about it as well, in a very over-the-top and unhinged way just after Chris and Abba made it official with their first papwalk. So there have been many crumbs pointing to his fans’ problematic behavior being the cause for concerns. And indeed, there have already been several articles pointing to Abba being scared for her safety. Here are a couple of examples.

https://www.thenews.com.pk/amp/1119789-chris-evans-jealous-fans-pose-safety-concerns-for-his-wife-alba-baptista

Recently, that excuse has been used to explain why Abba couldn’t attend an event for Warrior Nun.

We all know of her extraordinary professionalism. She has promoted the show so much so that we can only imagine how terrified and heartbroken she must have felt to turn down this event. (read sarcasm) And it probably explains why she refused to talk to the media at the GQ event. You see she was not being rude and a diva, she was just being shy and afraid…

Also remember during Chris and Abba’s last papwalk when they allegedly had dinner with Rob Pattinson, Suki, Adrien Brody and Harvey Weinstein’s former wife, they were escorted by Guillermo who is Chris’ bodyguard. Sure it was meant to sell that they are a very famous and popular couple but maybe it served another purpose. Maybe it was meant to sell the narrative that she is terrified of Chris’ fans and needs the protection of a bodyguard. So the question remains: will they be blamed for their divorce?

The ending of this shitshow isn’t likely to happen soon…

Crumbs and hints are in place but that doesn’t mean the end of the shitshow is near. In fact, I would be very surprised if he doesn’t mention his “wife” during his next con at Seattle on March 2nd. Indeed this con is overseen by the same company that did C2E2 and NYCC last year, and let’s remember the NY con was used to confirm the 2 kinda of ceremonies and to show off his ill-fitting ring. We can suspect this company is one of their sponsors, just like the jewelry brand or airline company. But I am just speculating. 

It’s safe to assume there will be similar shenanigans in Seattle anyway. Will she actually be there? It’s a real possibility. Especially, since the Oscars’ ceremony is on March 10th. Like for the Golden Globes, it’s a time when celebrities try to be seen. And it will be one of their last occasions to make a splash for a while and have their names in every publication since Chris is supposed to start shooting a new movie in March as well. Unless we get pap pics of them on his movie set. They haven’t done it yet and it would be another box to check off in their PR games.  

The manufactured psychotic fans…

For sure there are some crazy fans out there. But I have little doubt as well that most of his crazy fans act this way on purpose because there are plants on the payroll. Even recently, we have seen a ridiculous fake drama around Dodger. An account even published an old picture of Dodger at Daycare. So this mod either hacked into the security cameras of the dog daycare center 6 years ago. Or by some off chance, a crazy stalker fan who worked at that center leaked that pic and sent it to that mod? I should probably specify that this account also got the exclusive (and very believable) story that Renner and Hemsworth told two strangers that they were in Boston for Chris’ wedding. Obviously the most logical explanation is that this blog was fed real info (and that pic) by his team or is working directly for his team. But officially they will pass as crazy fans who crossed the line… And this narrative has proved quite useful in the past.

Playing the victim card is unlikely to get them any sympathy… 

I personally think that this strategy won’t benefit either of them. 

Particularly Abba. First of all, people are unlikely to believe she needs protection because nobody knows her in the first place. We all remember that ridiculous cringe moment at the Ghosted premiere where a paid actor pretended to be her fan and screamed her name. Also and I don’t mean any disrespect but she is not only unknown to the public but she is also totally unremarkable. She is so unremarkable in fact that when that influencer got the video of them at Walt Disney (the video where you can hear the influencer say at the end: “got it”) she had a pic of Abba’s back tattoo on her screen to make sure she recognized her. 

As for Chris, blaming his fans for the end of this shitshow is unlikely to gain him any sympathy either. We have seen so many fan pages disappear, so many fans leave. He has alienated so many loyal fans and a part of the general public with this relationship that isn’t on brand for him. It wouldn’t be wise to alienate the fans that have stuck around. 

Also playing the victim card is just not as popular as it once was. First of all, most normal people have troubles feeling sorry for out of touch celebrities. And why should they? They live in the real world and have real problems. Like having to hold on to their low-paying job, to take care of their kids or to put food on the table. Look at Harry and Meghan. Most people can’t stand them anymore. So Chris’ team would be wise to look for another exit strategy. They have time…

[hermit-frog]

Something I don't get is WHY Armand didn't try to save Louis. And WHY did he save Louis from the coffin if he intented Louis to die on stage?? Is it just cowardice or am i missing something here?

Have literally two posts about why Armand didn't try to save Louis, guys do at least some minimum research, + rewatch the ep.

Have already shared my take on why Armand had released Louis out of the “banishment” but unfortunately for you, i still got few thoughts.

Louis was supposed to go with Claudia, burning alive in one or two minutes is much better than a slow, agonizing death. I know that Armand's inaction in the 70s was basically torture and punishment, but in this case Armand is the one aching with remorse, rightfully so (unlike 70s Louis). It was haunting him, the screams, the image of Louis, someone he loves, lying there in his claustrophobic darkness, starving and grieving, losing his mind. I find it interesting how Louis' starvation had fed Armand's guilt. I'm afraid you can't disassociate your way out of this one, Mandy. He couldn't take it.

Armand might be the strongest in the coven, but ironically, he is also one of the weakest. I mean, for god’s sake, he got played by Sam (and later Rashid and Daniel. cringefail lmao but it's not about that, it's about his psychological state). If we can trust Santiago (him being the mastermind) and the plot, that Armand wasn't actually pulling the strings since the beginning, like in the books, but was indeed given an ultimatum, then he's more pathetic panicked wet 🥺 loser than i had expected, lol. If Armand was in fact outcasted, humbled and humiliated, it made him extra vulnerable and sensitive to be around Louis, witnessing his pain was too much to bear. I 100% believe that Armand loved Louis. That theory going around that Armand was only with Louis to piss off Lestat, yeah, hate that. Lestat🤝Y'all attempting olympic level gymnastics in order to make everything about Lestat. No, thank you.

Idk how close to the truth Assad is in this interview, but if he's right, then i suppose there's little to no room for speculation behind Armand's actions at that moment. There could've been a theory (maybe there is) that Armand had used Louis like Lestat “You let it happen?” “Yes.” “You led him there, so he could destroy it.”, in this case to get his power back, but had miscalculated Louis' mind state, what he's capable of when blinded by rage and revenge. Resulting with him sitting on the ashes of his previous life, and having no option but to go with Louis.

But i don't like it, it doesn't make sense. Daniel ponders: “Thirteen to one. Maybe you were hedging your bets? See who emerges from the ash heap.” Armand had released Louis, and later when faced with consequences couldn't kill him again. To love him, to betray, to witness the trial, to hear Louis scream and suffer… Could Armand do it after everything they had, after the brutal betrayal that took Louis' daughter? Was Louis' determination to avenge Claudia and sacrifice himself in the process a turning point for Armand, just like in the tunnels? Armand couldn't attempt to kill Louis for the 3rd time, so he just let him.

Indeed the entire theatre paid for his grief and his rage, and justly so perhaps. I can make no judgment. I did not love those decadent and cynical French mummers. Those I had loved, and those who I could love, were, save for Louis de Pointe du Lac, utterly beyond my grasp. I must have Louis, that was my injunction. I knew no other. So I did not interfere when Louis incinerated the Coven and the infamous theatre, striking, at the risk of his own life, with flame and scythe at the very hour of dawn.

Have in mind that this is the book Armand, the one who had orchestrated the whole thing since the beginning, so you can only imagine how show Armand felt.

[woodsfae]

B5 S03E22 Z'Ha'Dum previous episode - table of contents

Flashback central - Anna talking about signing onto the Icarus. Kosh saying "Z'Ha'Dum," Delenn and Sheridan talking about the Icarus landing on Z'Ha'Dum, Morden being a dickbag. 

Anna doesn't seem very sincere, and I don't buy her "I'm an open book, but DELENN didn't tell you...no, I shan't say..." schtick. 

I know I made all those predictions about how this will play out, but I really don't know how this is going to play out. Will the future be subverted and the prophecies less than self-fulfilling? I don't know! 

Partner: "Do you think these guys did like, late-night interviews in the 90s or was it not popular enough?" Me: "Hm let me consult my extensive memories of being 0-6 years old in an anti-technology cult in the 1990s." 

Anna: "I'm your wife." Dr Franklin: "That's your wife." Sheridan: "If that's my wife, then what was all my years of grief-processing for?" 

Excuse me Sheridan, take your hands off Delenn. Don't shake her just because you're emotionally overwrought. 

I am on Delenn's side in this argument. Delenn said clearly that anyone who wouldn't have served the Shadows would have been killed. Therefore, Anna was either dead, or completely opposed to the life and wellbeing of every living thing in the galaxy. 

yeah yeah Sheridan, you have big emotions. But don't be a dick.

Londo's political maneuvering has resulted in a promotion and he's bummed because he can't be satisfied with anything. He's a voracious pit of longing that can never be filled. When he's made an ambassador, he rages because they're sending him away. When he's given a prestigious advisor position, he's mad because he deserved it twenty years ago. 

Mr Morden Jr is here. Sounds like there's about to be an attack on B5. 

Looks like Dr Franklin just found something in his scans on Anna Sheridan. 

Anna is refusing to answer any questions about anything unless John goes with her to Z'Ha'Dum to hear the answers there. Not even why she stayed and let herself be declared dead and all her loved ones grieve her death. 

Aaaan he agrees to go to Z'Ha'Dum if she explains why she stayed. Against future!Delenn's pleas. 

Anna says - IPX found a Shadows ship buried under the surface of Mars. As soon as they unearthed it, it sent a message. IPX took some parts and put a homing device inside. When another ship turned up and took the first one, they tracked it. (didn't the second ship also kill a fuckload of people? She doesn't mention anything about that.)

The Icarus went to the coordinates and found the Shadows. In a pit. Very foreboding. She says it was an accident that the crew was killed, and also destroyed the comm system. She says they portrayed themselves as vunerable coming out of hibernation and cut a deal that they could stay and study their tech if they didn't try to contact their homeworld(s). 

It would be a cool plot twist if Anna was telling the truth and he really was about to find out he's been on the wrong side this entire time. However, I don't think that's the case. The Shadows haven't been taking out governmental heads, they've been displacing populations, causing genocides, anmd spreading suffering. 

I do wonder what this secret task he's given Garibaldi is. 

It's incredibly foolish to run off to the ACTUAL HOMEWORLD of your mortal enemies. But there goes John Sheridan! trot trot. Well, they did hit him where he's most vulnerable. The wound of losing a loved one never really goes away. 

They're taking the White Star - what a fucking security vulnerability! Also, so funny that Sheridan is taking the White Star when he's only SEEN the Minbari pilot it. Aviation law must have gotten lax in the future. 

Z'Ha'Dum doesn't have a breathable atmosphere. He goes off, alone, with his formerly-dead wife. To the enemy's planet. With no breathable atmosphere. And just nods and hands over his gun. And doesn't even keep his oxygen mask at hand! 

Dummy.

And Morden's here. AND Anna gives HIM John's gun! goddddddddddd

Poor Delenn, she looks wrecked. John's message to her talks about his time jump and Delenn's plea to not go to Z'Ha'Dum. He says he went because maybe in that future, he listened to her and DIDN'T go, so he's going in case it changes the future. 

Well. 

ok

Justin on Z'Ha'Dum says that most of the higher races left this part of the universe, and the Vorlons stuck around to be parents. Clean your room, behave, etc. The Shadows, though, want to release their potentials...through conflict. "Those who survive are strong, better," Justin says. And Morden says if you knock over an anthill, the future generations get better at building anthills. 

hm. 

"...but I love my mom and dad," - noted parents-guy John Sheridan, hopefully. 

"A few get lost along the way," Justin says. Yeah. Like the Narn got directly targeted and attacked repeatedly until they lost their telepaths, then almost lost everything? Literally they were T A R G E T E D. It isn't a neutral "they got lost," they were pummeled into near-oblivion. 

Oop, the Shadows have arrived at B5. 

Morden would have us believe that sonnets came from wars. Bullshit - sonnets came from the Italian courtly style and was developed in order to flirt better.  (per Partner's masters of poetry)

Ahhh, the Shadows are hanging out over B5 as the hammer over Sheridan's head. Sheridan's too good at diplomacy, so he's preventing the species' growth through warfare. boooooo.

I could go through and rebut the things they're saying point by point but ehhh. It's a lot. But it's 99% bullshit and 1% mispresented.

Sheridan drops a bomb: Anna has been altered in the same way as the people who were being sent to become components in the Shadows ships. 

Whoop, Shadow incoming. And gun incoming! John Sheridan had TWO GUNS. badadadada

oof, poor Sheridan. He's arming the White Star to detonate, and Anna's turned up saying that Anna is dead, but she can love John as well as Anna ever did. 

"I want you to know that I love you, Delenn. Bye." he says, in the video message. 

And there's the Kosh fragment! Sheridan jumps into the pit of doom in the center of Z'Ha Dum as the White Star bursts through the central dome. 

Anna didn't like that!

Kosh said he couldn't help Sheridan if he helped then. And then he helped anyway. lol

I like the G'Kar voice-over. Andreas has such a marvelous voice and he really knows how to use it. 

One of the fighters is missing - piloted by Garibaldi! And the marvelous CGI depicts it floating in a Shadows ship. Well. At least we won't run out of plot anytime soon. :P

season 4 awaits!

[8bitsupervillain]

Higurashi When They Cry Hou Ch. 3 Tatarigoroshi pt. Final

I'm doing things slightly different here.

The following takes place between parts 17 and 18 of my playthrough. The interview with Keiichi is a post-credits scene, but because of the amount of screenshots I took during the credits and the typing I did for some of the stuff coming up I figured to treat it as a separate thing. A nice little denouement. I really hope tumblr doesn't murder the quality of the screenshots here. Italicized words are my own interjections and not what is written on screen. I tried my best with some of the later parts.

Basically during this part and the credits I kept mashing the screenshot key.

"I made him seem like a very good person. I'll need to make him into a terrible criminal in the end."

"Apparently you're supposed to call disasters like the Great Hanshin Earthquake severe disasters. Still it's a terrifying operation plan. Though I guess sterilization operations are like this. I need to think hard so it's realistic."

"Jirou Tomitake A mysterious old man with the role of an extra yet still popular. He won't be doing much for a while.

Miyo Takano I made this character seriously suspicious. Seems kind of like the last boss. Maybe she should be to one to take the punches in the end. I need to make her so bad even coach would punch her. Maybe a full transformation in the end is in order.

Kuraudo Ooishi A Completely enigmatic man, though I'll admit he's convenient. Maybe he'll turn trustworthy in the end after clearing up the misunderstandings?

Katsuya Kumatani A completely enigmatic man, though I'll admit he's convenient. Maybe he'll turn trustworthy in the end after clearing up the misunderstandings?

Why is Kumatani and Ooishi's the same?

Kyousuke Irie I made him seem like a very good person. I'll need to make him into a terrible criminal in the end.

Rika Furude A convenient character who can't help but garner popularity. If Satoko doesn't get more popular with this, then she might not be able to make a comeback. Speaking of suffering, maybe Mion has it worse (pained laugh). A mysterious girl, in a way. The incarnation of the curse theory?????"

"Hinamizawa Village Gas Disaster In Memoriam List Apparently you're supposed to call disasters like the Great Hanshin Earthquake severe disasters. Still it's a terrifying operation plan. Though I guess sterilization operations are like this. I need to think hard so it's realistic.

Reina Ryuugu (spelling?) Passed away in the great Hinamizawa disaster. May she rest in peace.

Mion Sonozaki Passed away in the great Hinamizawa disaster. May she rest in peace.

Oryou Sonozaki Passed away in the great Hinamizawa disaster. May she rest in peace

Satoko Houjou Went missing during the great Hinamizawa disaster???

Teppei Houjou Went missing during the great Hinamizawa disaster???

Ichirou Maebara, Aiko Maebara, Daiki Tomita, Suguru Okamura, and Kiichirou Kimiyoshi Passed away in the great Hinamizawa disaster. May he rest in peace. (I didn't feel like typing it out five times)

Rumiko Chie Went missing during the great Hinamizawa disaster???

Yukikazu Kameda Went missing during the great Hinamizawa disaster??? I have no recollection of who Kameda is whatsoever."

"Tatsuyoshi Kasai I wonder if he really has a thing for Shion, that would be so cute if he did, hau u.

Shion Sonozaki The more minor of the twins always gets more popular, but to think it would still hold true. Maybe it's fate, or maybe coincidence. You're okay to think of watanagashi considering the suicide, though."

"Keiichi Maebara Did he just end up going crazy in the end? My condolences I suppose. Keiichi really never dies in a good way. Am I not allowed to laugh?

Diagnosed with a severe mental disorder… Mental disorder, what!? But with so many terrible things happening, people will break. You must never forget that feeling. We all live because we have a heart to live with. If we forget that, we are just living puppets. Remember you're alive and have a soul.

The more minor of the twins always gets more popular, but to think it would still hold true. Maybe it's fate, or maybe coincidence. You're okay to think of watanagashi considering the suicide, though."

This is the end of the story related text. The rest is credits for the episode. I think this is written from the perspective of whatever is actually behind the Hinamizawa/Oyashiro curse. The first part, about making him a villain again was shown way back at the very start of the series before the title card of Onikakushi.

""Higurashi: When They Cry" Serial Murder Novel Number 3: Tatarigoroshi A mysterious old man with the role of an extra yet still popular. He won't be doing much for a while.

I'm a little sleepy. Maybe I haven't been getting enough sleeping and gaming with all my heart. Or maybe I just want to play ragnarok online Oh, puritan, hah, hah, moe!

Scenario: Ryukishi07 Hello, I'm ryukishi07. It was a fierce battle this time, like it always is.

Partner in Crime: Yatazakura You really did a good job this time!! Let's put out the best stuff brothers can manage! (I might be wrong on this one?)

Scirpting: Yatazakura Thanks for everything again!

4U You're another one I always rely on. Thank you for everything you do."

"BT Your kind encouragement encourages me. Thank you so much.

Scripting Language: Me finding this scripting language was how it began. I wouldn't be here today without it.

Still, I'm really sleepy. The fatigue of a thousand years as they say. I may be doing this for fun, it's hard on my body. But it's nothing as long as i can get your thoughts and reactions!

4U I took so much of your time, so I'm sorry I'm late again. Gotta go debug more"

"BT You're another one i always rely on. Thank you for everything you do.

Production Yat Looks like he's got the hang of it. He was very fast on the clean up this time.

Graphics: Ryukishi07 Part of me wants a good artist, but having to trust someone else with it scares me too much (I can completely empathize with the creative idea of "only I can do this!)

Background location: Kameya Without your generous help, Higurashi would not exist. All those beautiful backgrounds are yours.

Yato Sakura Without your generous help"

"Ryukishi07 Without your generous help

Tsubaki Hey, this is totally nepotism, isn't it? Well, let's put that off as a joke

LRRP: Kameya You are a god. Sorry fo the weird abbreviation LRRP. I look foward to working with you and Daisuke in the future.

Jika Thank you as always, to hru. ab it stuc kin ro, tho ugh if brother unit e we'll be invinicible! Let's do our best!"

"Amamizu/Scarlet Thank you as always to hru.ab itstuc kin (The same thing is written for Amamizu and Scarlet here, and I admit I kind of gave up trying to figure out what's written there. "Thank you as always tohru? a bit stuck in?)

Music and SFX The Music studio Without beautiful music the world wouldn't turn. The main theme is important. It's a vital factor.

Dream Island Development Room Being able to mess with things from my house is a pretty huge plus.

Escateli~na Being able to mess with things from my house is a pretty huge plus."

no love for Koji. Awww.

"Minigames: BT Thank you so much for alwasy submitting great minigames. Give me some advice when adjusting them. Personally, I'd rather tsubaki in a ruse(?) s picture not be excessive I wonder why he doesn't understand?"

I wonder if the original release way back in the day had minigames in it? Like the club activities are playable games maybe? I'm now envisioning a significantly worse version of this game existing because it has something like the fucking awful gambling minigames from a Leisure Suit Larry just crammed in there.

"Homepage 07th Storming Party Still, I'm really sleepy. The fatigue of a thousand years as they say. I may be doing this for fun but it's hard on my body. But it's nothing as long as I can get your thoughts and reactions! Me finding this scripting language was I began. I wouldn't be here today without it.

Created by: Pride is fighting under your own flag. So I hope you understant why i don't want to "use my flag to make something weird. if you don't like it then raise a flag or two of your own." I hope this becomes a work to be proud of for life."

"Directed by: I'm ryukishi07. The path here has been a long one. But we're only midway through! The real stuff is still to come! I'll work harder than ever!"

Trying to decipher these and making sure I had them correct was a surprisingly annoying process. No one else on the entire rest of the internet seems to have bothered trying to decode what it all said. The steam forums especially were less than helpful. Just a bunch of people arguing six years ago about the veracity of what it says, and whether it counts as spoilers or MangaGamer "screwing with the plot." I do apologize for some of the attempts on my part basically just falling apart, but try as I might I just couldn't think of a way to make the letters available make any sort of coherent sense.

I mentioned it before, but I'm fairly positive that everything before the game credits is the entity behind the events of Higurashi remarking on the pawns they have available to toy with. Everything at the credits until the end title card there I'm sure was just Ryukishi07 having fun with it.

Gonna be honest with you here, I liked it, but not quite as much as chapter two. A reddit post I saw while trying to decipher the credits bits summed it up best: "Keiichi is cringe."

Gotta work towards a good ending. Can't just give it to your audience.

Let the god child drink!

Yeah, you're gonna have to address the body count of a thousand people eventually.

*sad trombone* Although I must say I do like the idea of playing as a protagonist other than Keiichi. Let the lunkhead go do something else, it's Shion's time to shine.

Keiichi aside, I liked Chapter Three: Tatarigoroshi, it was a severly depressing read at points, but it did provide some interesting mysteries towards the end. Why don't the dead stay put in Hinamizawa, what is puppeting the bodies around, and for what purpose? Why in this particular go-around was there a deadly volcanic gas that killed everyone in the town shortly after Watanagashi? Who were the twenty that disappeared? Satoko and Teppei were certainly two of them, but who were the other eighteen? Is it the masterminds of the cult? What is the importance of the woman who died at the start of the chapter, and did she really have any importance to the plot? I know there was the implication she was involved with the Sonozaki crime syndicate, but overall her entire subplot just vanished towards the middle of this chapter. Who killed Rika and why did they do it in a way similar to the murdered woman at the start of the chapter?

This chapter does however lend greater strength to the supernatural killer angle. Deliberately so, I'd say, since Chapter Two: Watanagashi leaned more hevily on the human angle to justify the killings.

Also:

"The shortest scenario," bullshit. This was just as lengthy as chapter two! It might seem shorter in my playthrough/readthrough, but that's only because I didn't want to be posting a bunch of screenshots and discussions about domestic violence. I felt it would be tonally at odds with my often lighthearted comments about the VN.

[thenhlteaissuperhot]

Karel Vejmelka interview - "Coming out is still taboo in ice hockey."

Three weeks ago, Karel Vejmelka - the number one goalie of the Arizona Coyotes - did an interview in Czech and I thought that some of the stuff he said there was interesting or funny enough to deserve to be translated and put out on here:

How popular is ice hockey in Arizona? Is it the sport number one there?

Oh, absolutely not. Not many people come to the games, it's like the fifth or sixth most popular sport there. The first is of course baseball, American football, basketball... No one really wants to come to an ice rink. Unfortunately, hockey hasn't found its place there. People have a different mentality. ...In every sport in the US, you see fans who are binge-eating hotdogs, fries and not really watching the game. Sports are a show for them, people go there to have fun not to watch the sport itself. It is actually funny to watch them sometimes when I am not just playing, look into the stands and see what they are doing there, you know, pizza falling under their legs and so on. After the game it is always an absolute mess in the stands.

What about some entry rituals when you come there (to Arizona) as the new guy, do you have to do something, some task or challenge?

We had karaoke there, you had to pick a song to sing and it was funny because we were just going from the teambuilding in a coach and I had to go to the front of it where the microphone was and sing a song. I chose Sweet Caroline and said to myself that it is the smallest evil. But the boys helped me, they sang along, though I still had to suffer through it.

Do you pay some fines, for late arrivals, first zero in the net?

Yes, we do. We have a price list for the different fines. I paid 1000 dollars for the first zero, that was the biggest so far. I told them back then that they should be the one paying me for catching all the shots. It accumulates over time for the big end-of-the-season dinner.

You have been in the net several times when the team played against Connor McDavid (Edmonton), is he for you as a goalie something unique?

He is unique in a way that you can't guess what he's gonna do. In the case of some other players, I more or less assume where are they going to shoot or skate, but in Connor's case, you can't guess anything because he is so fast and has such skilled hands that he always does something different. He is on a completely different level than everyone else.

Can you smoke as players, do chewing tobacco, that's popular among the players, no?

You shouldn't be smoking. Tobacco is like a substitute for that, personally, I don't do it, but most of the other guys do. We have a lot of doping tests throughout the season, this year we had one already during pre-season. In the beginning, we go together as a team and during the season, they can randomly choose like ten guys. I have been chosen like that as well quite a few times actually.

I am not sure whether you have noticed it, but a few months back a lot of people were discussing the coming out of the soccer player Jakub Jankto, it was a huge thing cause no other player on the national team has ever done so. I have never noticed this happening in hockey, is it still taboo to announce that you are a homosexual because it is this sort of masculine sport?

I think so. Not everyone can realize and admit it even within themselves, let alone publically announce it like this. He (Jakub Jankto) is amazing that he had done so, I believe it must have helped him a ton. I personally have a positive attitude towards this, why shouldn't one come out, why should they hide when sooner or later it (the truth) will surface anyway? ... However, there are those "funny remarks" when someone is for example shaving their legs, we do joke about that in the locker room.

[dandelion-wings]

2 times Jean Gunnhildr was nothing like Eula's upbringing had led her to expect, + 1[...]

Thank you for the prompt! With the confession that I kind of slid off it of somewhere in part 2 and never quite managed to remount. XD;; Also I didn't manage to get it much shippier than pre-slash, alas, though you can take whatever implications you like from the ending of part 3. I did enjoy writing it, though, and I hope you enjoy the results regardless! <3

---

1.

"I would think you of all people would understand the importance of reputation, Lady Eula."

Inspector Eroch's smile reminds Eula very much of her uncle's. The oily, insincere politeness is different. Uncle Schubert never saw much cause to be polite to her, at least not once she began rebelling against her family's strictures. But the patronizing air of superiority is irritatingly familiar.

"I have renounced my titles from within the Lawrence Clan," she says sharply. "I will not pretend I am not of noble blood, but should you call me by the incorrect title again, you will pay for the error."

"Miss Lawrence, then. But I'm afraid you're only demonstrating why I cannot allow you to take the knight trials." The Inspector spreads his hands before him, shrugging as if helpless to change his own ruling. "The reputation of the Knights of Favonius would suffer from permitting a member of the Lawrence Clan into our ranks. Perhaps if you were willing to change your name, and enter anonymously...?"

"I will do no such thing!"

"Then there is nothing I can do for you, Miss Lawrence. I'm afraid our interview is at an end."

Behind her, the two knights who had escorted her into the building step forward. Eula clenches her jaw, fighting the urge to reach for her blade. To assault knights who are following their instructions within the Ordo's headquarters would only make her case worse. Both of them already have their hands hovering near their swords, insultingly eager for an excuse to draw. Chin high, Eula turns on her heel and marches out.

She can hear the whispering as she strides through the foyer to the door, almost as loud on her exit as it was upon her entrance. The knights escorting her grin and nod to those who have paused to see her paraded out. One of them gives a thumbs-up to a knight by the door, who chuckles. Anger spears through her at the sound. Eula takes a deep breath, lets it out, and refuses to look at any of them, looking straight ahead and refusing to acknowledge the whispered jeers.

Her steady stride is checked on the steps by someone else coming up. Eula freezes mid-step at the sight of Jean Gunnhildr. She knows the other girl only distantly; her uncle had pointed the Gunnhildrs out to her when they had attended the same parties in her youth, but that clan would never dare associate directly with the Lawrences. Sir Jean must, though, know Eula's face as well as Eula knows hers. And so would the Ragnvindr sons behind her, at whose family parties most of those passing glances had been exchanged.

Amber thinks well of Jean. But then, Jean has no reason not to be kind to her, and even Eula's uncle admits that the Gunnhildrs are always gracious to commoners. Their so carefully-maintained reputation requires it. But by the same dint, their reputation as champions of the people will require cold condescension to a Lawrence like her.

"Lady Eula," Jean says, looking equally taken aback for a moment. Then she recovers her poise. "Amber did say you were going to apply to next week's knight trials. Will you be joining us?"

There it is. Both the insult of the rejected title, and the pretense that Jean wouldn't know exactly what Eula's grinning escort means. Eula draws herself up, taking full advantage of the extra four inches of the higher step to overcome the half-inch of height Sir Jean has upon her. Behind Jean, Diluc Ragnvindr puffs himself up in response, scowling.

"I will not," Eula tells her, keeping both the fury and the disappointment behind it from her voice by sheer force of will. "Your Inspector is too much a coward to risk allowing a Lawrence to so much as try. He claims it would embarrass the Ordo. I must presume that means your knights are so weak that I would humiliate all of them in the trials."

Jean, unexpectedly, frowns. "He refused your application on *those* grounds? If your application wasn't sufficient, that would be one thing, but if you qualify, you should be allowed to try out. Did you appeal to the Grand Master?"

Ah. "I wasn't offered the option."

"That isn't right. I could submit it for you- no, that would also go through the Inspector...." Jean's frown deepens, as if she's thinking through a puzzle. Behind her, Sir Diluc looks equally puzzled, and even more so when Jean suddenly brightens. "I know what you should do. Come to Windrise this Friday. The Grand Master will be training with the captains."

So they can mock her for the arrogance of going over the Inspector's head? But there's no mischief on Jean's face, not even the hint of amusement in her eyes. She looks wholly, unnervingly sincere.

"And you believe he will hear me out?"

"You will have to get his attention first. If you can demonstrate your bladework to his satisfaction, I'm sure he'll listen to your appeal in person. We should arrive at noon. If you're there before us, you can issue a challenge when we arrive."

"Jean," Sir Diluc starts to say. His brother elbows him and hisses something that makes him subside, though he still scowls at Eula. She keeps her attention on Jean, refusing to acknowledge his glare.

"I doubt that the Grand Master would bother accepting a challenge from a Lawrence."

"*I* will. I swear to you, if you challenge me, I will meet it, and the Grand Master will be able to see your prowess in person. If you're half the swordmaster Amber claims, he will be impressed enough to take a personal interest, and I know he'll override the Inspector."

She studies Jean closely, looking for any sign of deceit. Perhaps she only wants the opportunity to show off to the other officers by defeating Eula personally. But there's only the sincerity, and a hint of concern that's even more unnerving coming from one of the Lawrence Clan's ancestral enemies. The thought that a Gunnhildr might *pity* her burns.

"I won't go easy on you," she warns. "And if you give me any less than your best out of some idea that you're helping, then mark my words, I will make you pay for the presumption."

Jean smiles, bright and warm. "I won't."

"Very well." Eula steps aside, starting down the steps around Jean and her entourage, raising her chin high again. "I will be there, and I will give you my best, so long as you do the same. And the next time we speak, I expect you to call me *Sir* Eula."

"I look forward to it," Jean says.

Eula doesn't look back, only continues onward, leaving her boggling escort behind. She refuses to be warmed by those words. But the anger that had been grating in her chest has melted away all the same.

---

2.

"Captain Eula," Sir Kaeya calls, waving far too casually--though as a captain himself, Eula will concede he doesn't owe her a salute--as he passes her on the steps of Ordo headquarters. "Back from your mission already?"

"Captain Kaeya," Eula answers, inclining her head. "We finished in better time than we were allotted."

"No surprises there. And it saves me a detour on the way to my next mission. I'm supposed to let you know that Master Jean wants you to report to her office when you're finished with the Grand Master."

Eula doesn't trust his casual tone. She narrows her eyes, looking for some sign of what he's about. He doesn't bother to hide his amusement, which only grows stronger when she looks at him with mistrust. Clearly there's something afoot.

Nothing he'll tell her about, though. She knows Sir Kaeya's tricks too well. She gives him another nod. "Thank you for telling me."

"It's no problem." Sir Kaeya winks at her, then goes on his way, strolling along as if he has not a care in the world.

She can't help the trepidation as she dismisses her company and heads to the Grand Master's office. Her report to him doesn't worry her; despite some of her knights' reluctance to obey her orders, the mission had gone well. But there should be no reason to have to report to Jean as well.

That uncertainty may make her a bit more brusque, perhaps, than she really should be while giving her report to Grand Master Varka. At least he doesn't seem bothered by her clipped words. He only smiles, and nods along to her report, and ends their interview with loud congratulations and a slap on the back that Eula manages to brace against well enough to keep from staggering.

She's still tense as she leaves his office. The knights in the hallways look at her askance, their eyes as full of concern and suspicion as they've always been. It seems her successful first mission as captain has helped not at all. Eula refuses to acknowledge the burn of disappointment in her breast.  It had been foolish of her to hope that it might be so easy.

It had seemed that easy for Jean. Once she had rooted out the traitors within the Ordo, everyone had agreed she should be made Master of the Knights without a breath of doubt or hesitation. Of course she would be fit for it, just as she'd been ideal for the work of finding those traitors in the first place, came all the whispers--she was a Gunnhildr, after all, wholly devoted to the Ordo, famously incorruptible and trained to achieve a level of competency no other knight could match.

Even Eula's family will admit to the Gunnhildrs' stringent moral standards, although 'stiff-necked' is their description of choice.

Eula can't disagree with it either. Everything she's seen of Jean suggests that she's just as upright and noble as the rumors claim, and devoted wholly to the course of justice. In that light, though, Eula can't take her arranging Eula's entry into the Knights as any sign of *personal* favor, nor her insistence upon sparring with Eula herself when no other knight would train with her, nor even the friendly demeanor she's adopted whenever they speak. Her devotion to the principles of the Ordo requires her to treat Eula as she would any other knight in good standing.

That graciousness could no doubt extend to arranging for any reprimand or demerit to take place in private. Particularly if she's concerned with continuing to counterbalance the prejudice of the other knights. Eula doesn't know what error she could have committed in merely preparing her new company and departing for her mission, but if there was one, plenty of knights would have leapt to report it as soon as she was out the gates.

Another knight gives her a look that wavers between concern and outright fear as Eula passes him. She deliberately ignores his stare. It's only after she's rounded the corner that she realizes she has her sword in hand, drawn from its scabbard and held in a defensive slant across her chest.

Embarrassed, Eula pauses at the door to Jean's office to sheathe it again before she knocks.

"Come in," Jean calls, and rises from her chair, smiling, as Eula enters. "Welcome home, Sir Eula. I heard that your mission went well?"

"Of course it did," Eula says, keeping her back straight and her chin high and refusing to let the 'home' of that greeting either prick or warm her. No doubt it's simply typical phrasing for Jean. "My knights performed admirably, and I made sure that not one of them were injured when we made our assault."

"I heard about that, too. Some of them seemed very impressed at how ready you were to come to their defense."

So Jean went out of her way to speak to Eula's company while Eula was giving her report to the Grand Master. Investigating whatever matter she called Eula here to reprimand her on in the first place?

"Please, sit down," Jean says, gesturing to a chair set in front of her desk. "Will you have some tea with me?"

Eula wants to be offended at this blatant softening of impending criticism, but it's exactly the kind of gesture she would expect from Jean, and too gracious and well-meant to refuse without giving insult herself. Still stiff-backed, she lowers herself into the chair and lets Jean pour her a cup. Jean pours the tea properly, of course, just the right angle of the pot for the stream from its spout to flow quiet and interrupted, filling the teacup exactly as much as she should and no further.

Tense as she is, Eula has to admire the propriety of it. She accepts the teacup with well-trained grace and takes the requisite first sip of a guest being served, while Jean waits with her own cup held correctly in front of her. *No one* in the Ordo, or for that matter the rest of Mondstadt, holds their teacup as Eula was taught. It doesn't surprise her that Jean does. The Gunnhildrs are aristocrats themselves, after all.

"A fine tea, well-brewed," she declares, lowering her own cup. "The bitter edge to the flavor comes out clearly without overpowering the floral notes."

"I'm glad that you like it," Jean says, and her pleased smile seems genuine. "This is a Tianheng oolong from Liyue. Our new Librarian recommended it to me, and showed me how to brew it properly."

Jean does like to disclaim her accomplishments by playing up others' contributions. At first Eula had thought it was for appearances, another way the Gunnhildrs keep the favor of the common people, but she's come to realize that it's less calculated than that. Jean really is that gracious. It rankles, just a little, that such graciousness comes to her as easily as do all other aspects of command.

Hearing her praise the Librarian rankles for another reason. The woman looks at Eula all too knowingly whenever they happen to be in the same room. Eula *knows* she's read all the books in that library, including those that list off the Lawrence Clan's many atrocities. That she's developing such a friendship with Jean that she can recommend teas to her, and may even know already what error Jean has called her here to discuss....

Eula wants to simply *ask* and get it over with. But Jean is acting with aristocratic propriety, and therefore, she must do the same.

"This may be an indelicate question, Sir Eula...."

Here it is. Eula sits up straighter in her chair, bracing herself. "Don't beat around the bush."

"Did all of your knights listen to you and obey you on your mission?" Jean leans forward, anxiety shining in her eyes. "I tried to speak to any I was concerned about before you left, and I transferred Sir Reina and Sir Jacques to your company because I trusted them both to behave professionally and reinforce that among the other knights. But if anyone did give you trouble, I would like to know, so I can deal with that as the Master of Knights. I very much want you to succeed in concert with your knights, not despite them."

She'd wondered about the last-minute transfers--and suddenly, some whispered by-play in the camp that had confused her at the time is explained. As does what she had thought was trust she had earned herself. Eula is startled by how very hurt she feels. "You mean to say you didn't trust me to handle them myself? I'll make you pay for that interference!"

"What? No!" Jean flinches and raises a hand. "This wasn't a matter of trust in *you*, Sir Eula. I expected you to do an excellent job, and it's clear that you did. I was simply trying to keep you from being undercut by insubordination."

The hurt still sits heavy in Eula's breast and pricks at her eyes, but she blinks fiercely, unwilling to let it show. "I knew that not all of my knights would be happy to be commanded by a Lawrence," she says, letting her voice go crisp and cold to keep anything else from showing. "I had intended to prove myself to them by my performance. If you did not trust me to do that, you shouldn't have backed the Grand Master about making me Reconnaissance Captain. Not undercut me *yourself* by stacking the deck."

"I-" Jean's eyes are shining with more than anxiety, Eula realizes, though she blinks just as hard as Eula had to press the tears back, and swallows hard before she speaks. Her voice comes out calm and composed in a way that Eula can recognize all too well. "I am so terribly sorry to have done that to you. I only wished to help you, but I can see how it would offend you not to be allowed to succeed on your own merits."

A sincere apology should be accepted, and Eula has no question that this one is sincere. "I guess it is your duty as Master of the Knights to ensure that missions run smoothly. I'll save my payback for another time."

"I am sorry," Jean repeats, as if Eula's words haven't registered. "It was inexcusable of me. You are working so hard to redeem your family's name, and I should have respected that instead of trying to interfere."

Guilt at her own outburst softens some of Eula's ire. "Don't apologize for doing your duty."

"It isn't truly my duty, though. The Master of the Knights is only supposed to handle discipline within a company when a captain requests it, or if they're unable to maintain it themselves. You're more than capable of that. I simply... I admire what you're doing, and I didn't wish for your own knights to be as cruel to you as I know some in the Ordo have been. But meddling with your company wasn't appropriate, whatever my reasons."

Eula goes still, taking a moment to absorb that. Her first instinct is to reject it as pity--but it isn't, not when the truth of Jean's admiration is right there in those too-sincere eyes. She wants to accomplish her goals on her own merits, but it's unkind to castigate Jean for making a genuine attempt to support her. Especially when Jean looks so uncertain. Not at all the calm, polished figure she cuts when handling affairs in public.

She isn't in public now. Eula looks again, more critically, at the tea set and desk before her, reading the lay of the land as she should have when she first came in. Paperwork has been piled away in the corner, there's a little plate of sweets off to one side, and the tea set is just a little worn, the lid of the pot chipped, suggesting that this is a personally beloved set rather than one put out for formal show. And Jean had called her 'Sir Eula' even when first greeting her, not the more formal 'Captain.'

Now Eula is almost embarrassed to have reacted so impulsively. Sympathetic, at least, and the indignation fades away as she looks at Jean sitting just as tall as she is, back just as straight and stiff, holding onto her composure with the same amount of effort. She's no untrusting superior, as certain of her own competence and judgment as everyone around her. She looks, for once, just as out of her depth as Eula sometimes secretly feels.

Everyone looks at Eula and expects the worst cruelty and depravity that the Lawrence name calls to mind. It occurs to her only now that those same people are looking at Jean and expecting the righteousness and justice that the Gunnhildr name calls to mind, as well. Even Eula herself has been doing it.

If Jean is willing to overlook Eula's name and treat her as a knight in need of support... Eula's dignity demands that she do the same.

"So long as you don't do it again, I'm willing to put the matter behind us," she tells Jean. "But I still have no choice but to pay you back for your condescension. Next time we meet, *I'll* brew the tea, and I'll be able to tell you how well my company has performed under my command, without your interference."

Jean is too well-mannered to sigh aloud, but her next breath is long, if quiet, and the smile she gives Eula is bright with relief as well as pleasure. "I look forward to it."

Eula raises her teacup to her mouth to hide the small smile that tries to slip out in response. She thinks, from the way Jean's expression softens, that Jean sees it anyway. Eula decides that she doesn't mind.

---

3.

"I cannot give up," Jean says, low and grim and breathless, quiet in the still night air behind the Ordo.

She shouldn't be here. Not at this hour, and certainly not after they day they've all had. Neither should Eula, but her company has spent the last month stalking evildoers through the dark, and she can't sleep easily at an hour she's been so long awake. Jean, though, has express instructions from the Deaconess to stay in bed, healing, for at least the next day.

Creeping silently closer is, likewise, something Eula will attribute to the habits of the past month. She certainly has no intention of *ambushing* the Acting Grand Master. But if she's to share the training ring, shouldn't she determine the circumstances beforehand?

Jean is going through the steps of her attack sequence, each swing and thrust and footfall so familiar that Eula could close her eyes and still follow it in her mind. It derives from the same ancient base as Eula's own bladework, even if the particulars of how it's delivered differ--aside from the differing weight of their chosen weapons, the Lawrences have woven it together with their customary training in dance, while the Gunnhildrs have put all of the art in it aside in favor of efficiency of movement.

This sequence, though, doesn't quite match the well-memorized one in Eula's mind. Jean is trying to shift something about the last movement, the lunging swing that flings lighter enemies away. Less force in the lunge, and the sword low, instead of high; the movement should catch the foe's feet, if they have any. Eula can guess that the intent is to trip them without flinging them forward. Something that would have helped today, when Jean had flung the chief of the Treasure Hoarders they were fighting off a cliff and inadvertently enabled his escape through a secret tunnel they'd only later found at its base.

The premise makes sense, but Jean can't apply the weight of the movement in the way that she wants. Her sword isn't long or heavy enough. It doesn't fit in with the sequence in any case; she makes the low swing again, tries to bring it up into her traditional ending stance, and nearly catches herself in the face with it.

Eula waits until she's recovered to step out of the shadows and into the ring. "Acting Grand Master," she says, giving Jean the appropriate salute.

"Eula?" Jean jumps, which is another sign that she's overtired. "Of course it's you. Are you here to train? There's room enough for us both, though I'm afraid I cannot spar tonight. I have my own drills to do."

"I saw as much."

"You did?" Jean's cheeks color.

"Your blade isn't heavy enough for that kind of low sweep," Eula tells her. "You need either force, as from a greatsword, or leverage, as from a polearm."

"I know. But... I must find some way of disabling opponents even when the terrain is not ideal. We spent hours more than we should have, and far too many Ordo resources, finding that Treasure Hoarder again. I am grateful for the help of the Reconnaissance Company in that effort," she adds quickly, though Eula hadn't thought of taking offense. "But it was because of my error that you had to call them out to help us, when they should have been resting after your mission."

"He would have tried to escape down tunnel regardless," Eula told her. "He was already making for the edge of that cliff when you caught up with him. If it had been anyone else, I'm sure he would have jumped off instead. You might as well blame the Reconnaissance Company for not having caught the tunnel the last time we scouted the area."

"I wouldn't do that!"

"Then how are you any more at fault for not having information we didn't give you than we are for not finding it?"

Eula frowns at Jean, drawing herself up to her full height to better look down at her. Not that it does much good without higher ground; Jean is that one half-inch higher, and she straightens, too, in response to that frown. Her eyes are wide, glimmering greyish-pale in the moonlight, and her face is drawn with exhaustion and an anxiety that Eula doubts she would let anyone else see.

"As the Acting Grand Master, all operations of the Knights are my responsibility," she says quietly. "And any that I involve myself in personally are even more so. I *must* perform to the best of my abilities, at all times. And if my best isn't sufficient, then my only choice is to improve. You understand."

She looks at Eula, wide-eyed in silent plea. Eula can hear what Jean doesn't say aloud, beneath the talk of being Acting Grand Master. No one would expect even a Grand Master to be always perfect, to be always ready, to never fail--but that *is* the burden of an aristocrat. A Lawrence must drive herself onward to perfect her dance even when her feet bleed; a Gunnhildr must drive herself onward to perfect her swordplay even when her breath goes unsteady and her face pale. Their upbringing allows them both no less.

Her chest aches. A name is a heavy burden, and one that neither of them can set down. It's far more painful to see how Jean stumbles under the weight of hers, though, unchosen duty as it is, than it is to feel the weight of her own on her shoulders when she knows she could at any point set it down and wash her hands of her unredeemed kin.

"I understand," Eula tells her. She reaches for the hilt of her blade and pulls it free. "But I won't accept the insult of refusing to spar. You *will* accept my challenge."

"Eula, I must-" Jean begins to protest, then pauses, giving her a faint, weary smile. "Of course I will. What are the terms?"

"If you dare to defeat me, I'll train with you for an hour in the greatsword, so that you can try such a sweep with a weapon suited to it. But when I defeat you-" a veritable certainty, with the state Jean is already in "-you will permit me to escort you to your rooms, where I will see you to bed with whatever potions the Deaconess and our Librarian have left you."

"That isn't necessary."

"Of course it is. How am I meant to fulfill my vengeance upon the Knights if the Acting Grand Master is ill from exhaustion? There's no triumph in defeating my ancient enemy if she refuses to meet me at her best."

"...Very well," Jean says, but the smile lingering on her face belies her sigh. "I will accept your terms."

Jean takes a ready stance, and Eula falls into her own. They both bow, and then, as they straighten, Eula rushes in to make her first attack. Jean's eyes go wide, and she falls back, startled; she's tired indeed not to have caught the signs that Eula meant to go immediately on the offense. This isn't a terrible position for her, as she fights far better on the defense than Eula does. But Eula can see the holes in her guard by the second parry.

She telegraphs her third attack as normal just to be certain that those holes aren't a feint, and sees Jean's arms shaking far more than the effort of turning her blade aside requires. Then she spins about on her toes, comes in low, and sees Jean react sluggishly, stumbling back, gripping her sword far too tightly when she raises it to parry the follow-up. It flies from her hand when Eula puts the full force of her motion behind the strike.

Eula pulls the blow before it can carry on into Jean's flesh, spinning away and letting the weight of it drive her through a complete spin before the point comes to rest on the stone between them. She looks at Jean, grey-faced now and panting from even that small exertion, her sword not yet recovered.

"I think we can call that my victory," she declares, sheathing her blade, and then rushes forward to catch Jean with a hand on her arm as Jean tries to bend to retrieve her sword and wobbles alarmingly. "Which means that *you* must pay the forfeit we agreed."

"I did agree," Jean says, straightening slowly and sheathing her blade with trembling fingers.

She sounds rueful, but Eula feels her shoulders sag with secret relief. Eula shifts her grip to take a bit more of her weight.

"As I still find myself more awake in the evenings," Eula tells her, as she begins to conduct Jean into the building and up the stairs towards the officers' apartments, "I will be training tomorrow evening after moonrise. If you join me then, I'll condescend to give you a rematch. On the same terms. If you've recovered enough to defeat me, you'll have my help in training."

"Thank you, Eula," Jean says. Her smile is still weary, but the gratitude in it is, as always, sincere, and so is the quiet warmth that warms Eula's breast in turn. "I look forward to it."

Eula shifts her grip again, an arm around Jean's shoulders as they step into Jean's rooms. "*If* you've recovered enough to defeat me. I'll have to see you all the way into bed to ensure that you're well-rested enough to give me a satisfying fight."

This time, Jean doesn't tell her that isn't necessary. She only leans into Eula's arm. "Of course. I wouldn't want to disappoint."

"No, you wouldn't." Eula doesn't bother to tell her that she never does. False reassurances won't satisfy either of them. Only meeting their own standards will, and upholding the honor of their names. Jean respects her drive to do so; the least she can do is respect Jean's in turn.

And if she steals the chance to support Jean in that, now and then, well, it's only fair payback for all the times that Jean has done the same for her. Eula looks down at Jean's tired smile, soft and fond around the edges, and doesn't try to hide the smile arising in return.

[lastweeksshirttonight]

We're back with Strike Force Five episode two, which seems to have randomly dropped at some point after I went to bed on Saturday. I enjoy when podcasts just randomly drop episodes, honestly, makes the whole thing feel more authentically chaotic.

I started listening to this while trying to figure out how to draft for fantasy football. I am not a football fan. I don't follow football. I don't know how to do fantasy. I very much procrastinated on that by doing these notes. My team is graded C- by Yahoo btw, which is two full grades higher than I expected.

Notes under the cut y'all.

This episode opens with Fallon talking about how he forgot his show's shirts glow in the dark. Apparently Billy Crystal tried to sleep in one recently and discovered this; John also noted a time when he was trying to get his infant son to sleep while wearing one of Fallon's shirts and saying it glowed "too well".

The audience for this podcast is obviously 30-something office drones like me. I say this because Atlassian is now running ads during the podcast. They must sense that everyone listening to this has it open in tab one while having their task-overrun Jira boards open in tabs two through five. John also completely "ruins" this ad - which was very on the rails for a decent amount of time! - by suggesting that Atlassian sounds like "one of those plans G. Gordon Liddy had to relect Nixon". Fallon also claims Atlassian is the name of his Fortnite character. (I wonder how my boss feels about both of those lol)

Everyone opens by briefly talking about how many staff they have. Stephen has 210, Kimmel has about 180 + 13 writers + a bunch of crew, Fallon thinks he has 305, and John jokingly says he has 500 people before admitting he misses his legal and research staff. He's ready to say things he thinks are true, instead of "things that are legally defensible".

Stephen: "Would you guys be okay if I had a little Casamigos, I got a bottle right here...?" John: "It's 7:30 in the morning, why not?" Seth: "That's like a 24 ounce 7-11 cup..." I'm so glad this is all in an auditory medium.

John is going to continue shitting on whatever alcohol company he shat on last week, and called it "pond water". I am guessing it's somehow related to Bud Light but that doesn't really track with tequila advertising, so who knows. I have in a past life had Bud Light Margarita in a Bag once, maybe John also suffered that unique hell.

If it IS Bud Light John is talking about, I have no idea how Stephen talking about Budweiser wanting him to be the voice for a Budweiser energy drink/caffeinated beer called B to the E/B 2 the E didn't get cut. This was in about 2001-2002, so well before Four Loko, and the ad copy contained things like "your friends are heading home AND YOU'RE JUST GETTING STARTED!" (John is quietly dying in the background the entire fucking time before Googling if it ever came out. It did! Fallon is flatly like "that's illegal" in a completely baffled tone early on.)

We are 8 minutes into an hour-long podcast. Just informing you, in case you were wondering. Why yes I am obsessed/bad at football why do you ask

Kimmel insists that his early seasons - "for the first eight to eleven years" - were the worst of anyone's on the podcast. He said this after talking about, on his show, Mr. T and Jim Belushi hating each other and almost about to fight each other, his cousin doing pillow-fights early on and causing a catastrophe one episode by fighting Lennox Lewis culminating with Anna Nicole Smith falling into a cake, and another pillow fight with Tom Arnold ruining his suede jacket. I forget that Kimmel is partially of the Jerry Springer era, if not on his late-night show then from his other work, and this just really reminded me of that.

Mariah Carey wanted to be interviewed by Seth Meyers during Christmas in a functional sleigh. John tells a story about watching Watch What Happens Live where Andy Cohen, on live TV by himself, said that Mariah Carey was in the building but would not sit on the side where guests usually sit on his show and was desperately trying to fill time. Mariah seems fun.

If I had to imagine Hell for Stephen Colbert, it would be "having to fill in for a guest on The Daily Show and turning down an advanced screening of The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring". That scenario seems tailor-made to completely destroy him.

I'm glad I remember that Ben and Jerry bit Stephen and Fallon are talking about. I would love to know what this whole explanation sounds like to someone who does not remember the whole "best friends" late night "wars" of the time. Here's the bit btw. (Your daily reminder that the CC website sucks ass.)

I forgot Fallon started his show two weeks before Seth. I must have completely blanked out how quickly all of those hosts changed in 2014 (and then John starting the same year).

I'm with John on this one, "Allen key" makes waaaaaay more sense than "Allen wrench". It's a fucking key! The amount of shit I've had to put together with those goddamn things, it's not a wrench at ALL.

One thing I learned today: chairs are very serious business for most of the hosts. Fallon keeps a chair backstage to see how someone will look in chairs on the set, and to confirm that's okay with the guests. Seth, meanwhile, had chairs that John feel like he was being interviewed to be on Seth's show. And Stephen has all different sizes of chairs, to make everyone feel comfortable when they're on the show. (This is where things go predictably off the rails, as Seth then claims he has chairs that get smaller and smaller to keep guests on their toes.)

John's guest are was the most expensive part of his set, and they never used it. Somehow that doesn't surprise me. I was shocked they have a guest booker, though. (Stephen: "Wow what a cushy gig!")

Kimmel's live show ceased being live when Thomas Jane said "fuck" nineteen times on air and affiliates/censors were mad. Apparently on network you CAN technically say anything past ten p.m., according to Kimmel, but that's not the reality of the situation.

Seth: "People forget about the early 2000s. If you were a sports fan, you would often say, 'I wonder who won the big game... let's watch the Kimmel monologue.'" This is exactly what the 2000s were like, kids.

Seth and Fallon both were told by SNL showrunner Lorne Michaels that it would take them 18 months to get comfortable with their shows and figure out how to use them. Seth definitely felt that was wrong and he'd only take 6 months... but the first time he started the show from behind his desk was almost 18 months to the day from his first episode.

Stephen has an unaired 3-minute opening credits sequence that he wants to show on his last episode if possible. John also had a longer title sequence that he loved, but that his producer said he'd be constantly going over for time and he'd need to cut it down, lest he get continually furious over not having enough time for his actual show.

Fallon talks about how his first interview was with notoriously reticent and quiet Robert DeNiro, who gave Fallon one-word answers for literally everything. John asks if anyone told him he was starting from a high difficulty degree, but is interrupted by Stephen remembering a Space Train sketch in the middle of Fallon's interview featuring DeNiro.

Stephen remembers more about Fallon's show than Fallon does, which is wild. Stephen probably remembers more about everyone's show than they do, based on the first two episodes.

Stephen calling The Colbert Report "a totally different beast and maybe doesn't even fit in this conversation" made me sad. Tell me all the Report gossip!!!

Stephen telling the story of how he made the Public Access Show for Monroe, Michigan prior to doing late night is incredible. I remember watching him and Eminem do that show the day the internet became aware of it, and it is just a fascinating bit of transitional Colbert work. Also, had no idea they took over a real show... or that they got almost 0 viewers for it, lol. Here's the link to the bit, for your viewing pleasure:

Fallon must realize that John has said literally nothing for a while, because he asks how the first episode of Last Week Tonight went. John actually talks about hosting The Daily Show for three months. He says he'd never interviewed anyone before then (I'm guessing he means that as in "I've never interviewed someone seriously and with the eye of not taking the piss out of them", because he'd done MANY filmed interviews for correspondent pieces before then) and talks about the episode where the power was cut. They taped the episode on a camcorder and had to feed it to Comedy Central through Stephen's office.

Stephen then talks about how his first episode almost doesn't make it to air because it couldn't be exported from Avid. Everyone in the editing bay insists this is fine, and it did end up being fine, but the contrast between how CBS editing works and John having to go to another office to feed a show to Comedy Central is so interesting.

Stephen also kicked down a door after this. Please enjoy this mental image, you freaks.

John and Stephen sharing a bitter laugh over John's joke about Les Moonves in the background is fantastic.

John is the first person to bring up that Ryan Reynolds turned around Wrexham the team AND the city. I really should watch that show.

We now return to Last Week Tonight, which lawyers refused to allow to be live. (Knowing John's comedic sensibilities, I completely understand Legal's stance.) He acknowledges that they had too many ideas going together in the first episodes, including a pre-taped guest. The big thing they learned was that they were doing one show a week, which lead to research coming in throughout the week that undermined their segments, rewriting whole shows on Thursday, and the realization that doing the show that way was completely unsustainable. Having watched those early episodes recently (and I promise I'm still doing that in the background), this context totally explains the franticness and weird pacing early on. Of course things feel more didactic and surface level - they were writing full episodes in two days! The show completely restaffed and changed after year one, and John's "bones were as hollow as a sparrow". He also knew that anyone who didn't like episode one was going to hate episode two, because it was about the death penalty.

Seth's first guests were Amy Poehler and Joe Biden, because they'd been on Parks and Rec together and Biden gladly accepted being after Amy.

Seth's misplaced confidence in his pink eye sketch is very relatable.

Fallon texting everyone that he is basically dying of heat stroke in his room and is trying to leave to save himself is hilarious. Poor Jimmy, he's suffering and getting clowned so hard for it. AND THEN Stephen talks about the opening of Fallon's first episode and all the change he dumped on his desk and him. And Fallon had to run up to the roof with change falling out of his clothes. Again, all this while Fallon is having a heat episode. As John says, "we should rename this 'Asphyxiating Jimmy Fallon'."

Fallon is also vaguely losing his mind and forgets he can talk on a podcast, because he keeps texting the others his thoughts.

They actually address the hosting schedule! Next episode, Stephen is hosting. After that, it's John (I'm excited for the inevitable LMFAO retrospective and/or extensive discussion of penii on rooves), then "James Theodore Fallon".

Thank you for reading this ABSOLUTELY MASSIVE BLOCK OF TEXT I'm so sorry that this is apparently my niche right now, thousands of words on a 45 min to 1 hr podcast featuring five white guys. One day the John pictures will again outnumber my blatherings, I promise.