#(tw: parental neglect)

[dorkofclanlavellan]

Finnick & the Princess

Note 1: Voters wanted this series to be fem!reader, so here she is. But I'm going to try to keep her as neutral as possible in other ways. Note 2: Also I'll be using Princess in place of y/n Note 3: Because we don't know exactly how Volunteering works in Career Districts other than "it's more complicated" I just decided to make up my own hc. In Career Districts after people stop volunteering the escort goes through a process of talking with each volunteer and then picks the one they think will be more entertaining for the Capitol. Pairings: Finnick Odair x fem!Reader Warning(s): Canon typical content - Violence, death, human trafficking, blackmail. Also parental neglect & emotional abuse.

Princess volunteered at the reapings of the 68th Hunger Games, not because she actually wanted to but because her parents had made it clear that if she didn't volunteer, be selected for, and win the Games before she aged out, she would be disowned.

So for years she'd been constructing a persona she knew would not only get her selected for the Games but would get her at least a few sponsors.

She spoke at a higher pitch than usual, she giggled and hummed and frolicked. And the Capitol ate it up. She only ever dropped the facade when she was completely alone with her mentors. Finnick liked to dip back and forth between complimenting her acting skills and teasing her for the things she did and said in her false persona. Not even her District partner saw her true personality, so he fell for the act as well.

As much as the Capitol citizens were enthralled with the District 4 girl, no one expected her to actually be skilled. She didn't engage in any combative skill in training, she skimmed over the survival skills and she didn't speak with the other Careers. Between her facade and her ignoring them, the Career Pack excluded her and only took in the boy from her District.

Then came the training scores. And everyone was shocked when Princess got a 10. What could she possibly have done to land a score that high? Many speculated that the Gamemakers had merely pitied her, or were so mesmerized by her that they accidentally added a 0 after her real score.

In her interview with Caesar Flickerman, Princess batted her eyes, and sounded naively optimistic.

During the countdown for the Bloodbath, everyone was betting Princess would be dead before the day's end. Then the gong sounded and Princess was off before anyone else could react. It was clear she was by far the fastest of this year's tributes. By the time the District 2 female (Lilith Creswick) and District 1 male (Riesling Munza) caught up to Princess, she'd grabbed a decent amount of supplies including 2 bags which she had shouldered, and a sword.

In what seemed like a single flowing motion, Princess slipped around Lilith, raised her sword arm, and sliced open Riesling's throat. She then proceeded to practically twirl past other tributes, snatching up a wicker basket full of food on her way and ran off.

Everyone was in shock from the Capitol elite, to the other tributes, even Finnick and Mags who were privy to the fact that Princess was putting on a fake persona. The only people who weren't surprised were those present for her private session with the Gamemakers.

Princess continued to surprise during her games, presenting a persona of a naive but mesmerizing girl one moment and in the next efficiently killing or otherwise causing the death of other tributes. One thing became clear to everyone Princess had a sharp mind.

After her win, Princess was able to drop her facade whenever she was home in District 4 and cameras weren't on her. Otherwise, she kept up her whimsical act.

Unfortunately, this persona didn't save her from President Snow threatening her family to force her into prostitution. If anything it increased demand to have her. Too many elite pricks manifested or discovered a corruption kink for Princess.

Princess' only reprieve from her trauma was Finnick. They couldn't make their quickly developing relationship public but that was fine with the both of them. It made their relationship feel more real because it was just for them and not for the Capitol.

[schrijverr]

Making It to Siblinghood

When May is butting heads with her mom about talking to Liala, she needs to get away from it all during family dinner. Buck seeks her out, opening up about his own suicide attempts and giving her a listening ear.

On AO3.

Ships: none

Warnings: discussions of past suicide attempts and parental neglect

~~~

It’s during a family dinner and May is sitting away from everyone. She wants to enjoy tonight, but she can’t bring herself to stop stewing in her own emotions and she just needed to be away from it all for a bit.

However, it doesn’t appear she’ll get that, because Buck is lowering himself down next to her with a dramatized groan, holding out a lemonade for her, while he takes a sip from his own glass.

May looks at it for a second, slightly annoyed, but when Buck doesn’t make any move to leave, she takes it grudgingly. But just because she took the drink, doesn’t mean she’s up for talking, so she doesn’t say anything as she drinks.

Buck takes her standoffish attitude in stride and just sits with her in the quiet. It’s actually kind of nice and May finds herself relaxing a bit.

After what must be about ten minutes, Buck breaks the peaceful silence, asking: “So, what drew you out here?”

There it is, she thinks, heaving a sigh. “Did mom put you up to this?”

“Up to what?” Buck asks, looking genuinely confused. “Is there something going on between you two? Are you okay?”

If it were anyone else, she might not have believed them, but Buck… well, he’s Buck. He doesn’t manipulate and lie, he’s just honest and steady. So she gives him a small smile: “I’m fine.” Before she mutters: “If only everyone else would believe that.”

Buck frowns at that and she curses herself. Sure, she’s annoyed, but she wants people to not worry, getting snippy is definitely a way to make people worry. And indeed, Buck’s voice is worried when he asks: “Why would they not believe that?”

May considers the question for a moment. She could just brush it off, say she doesn’t want to talk about it. Out of everyone, Buck might be the only one who’d let her do that. Despite his stubbornness he has a great intuition and is actually capable of letting people have space, instead of being nosy.

But, it’s Buck. Telling him might be nice. She wants to talk about it with someone, but she doesn’t have many friends that talk about these things and talking to her parents is a no go. She loves the rest of the 118, but they’re all friends with her parents. Buck is too, of course, but- but he’s her big brother. He’s that nice in between of a trusted adult, but not her parents. It’ll be nice.

So, moodily she says: “I went out for coffee with Laila, the girl that nearly bullied me to suicide. She just wanted to apologize and I wanted to hear her out, but mom is being stifling about it. She always is when it comes up, every anniversary she gets like this too. The only reason she lets me even sit here by myself is because she can watch me from between those plants.”

She groans and leans back on her hands as she continues: “And I get. I get that she’s worried, but I’m an adult, I can talk to whoever I want. She always thinks I don’t know what I’m doing, that I’m going to break, but I’m fine. It was just a one off, hearing Laila out doesn’t make me want to kill myself again. I don’t understand why she won’t get that.”

Buck listens to her rant, nodding thoughtfully as he lets a silence fall between them. After a moment, he says: “I get it.”

“You do?” May asks skeptically.

He doesn’t meet her eyes, continues staring into the dark garden as he shrugs: “Yeah. For you it was just a thing. You didn’t necessarily want to die, you just wanted everything to stop for a bit and this was the only way you saw how. Now that you’re in a better place, you’re good. Maybe a bit embarrassed that you tried and you don’t want to be reminded of it, but everyone keeps reminding you of it by hovering.”

“Yeah,” May agrees, surprised. “How did you know that?”

Buck finally looks at her, his face weirdly melancholic, something she isn’t used to with Buck. He gives her a sad smile and says: “Because I tried too.”

May can feel her eyes grow wide in surprise. Due to her work as dispatch, she knows that all sorts of people can have all sorts of problems, but it just doesn’t seem to click in her brain that someone as happy and carefree as Buck could’ve ever tried. “Really?” she finds herself asking.

“Yup,” Buck shrugs as if it isn’t a big deal.

And maybe it isn’t, not to him, much like her own attempt isn’t to her. But his attempt is a big deal to her, because she almost wouldn’t have had her big brother, wouldn’t have had this piece of her family and that leaves her breathless. She is starting to see where her mom is coming from.

Emotions swirl through her and she can’t comprehend it, so she stumbles over her words: “Wh- what? Why? When?”

“When I was sixteen and when I was twenty,” Buck confesses.

“You tried twice?” May asks, concerned. Once is already worrying enough, though she can understand getting to that point, but twice means the first time wasn’t enough of a wake up call.

“Yeah,” Buck says, sounding a bit embarrassed, likely as embarrassed as she feels when people talk about it. “First time, Maddie had been gone for two years, she came to my fifteenth birthday, but Doug didn’t let her come to my sixteenth. I got upset about it. Took a bunch of pills. Not enough though. I went to bed thinking that was it, woke up the next day to my mom scolding me for missing school. Terrible headache. Got grounded because they thought I’d snuck out drink with friends.”

May just stares at him with wide eyes, but Buck doesn’t seem to notice, drifting away on memories as if he hadn’t just shared his parents missed him attempting suicide.

“Second time was after Maddie gave me the Jeep so I could run,” Buck continues on obliviously. “I was so mad she wouldn’t come with me – kind of makes me feel like a jerk in hindsight honestly – then that anger turned into upset. Tried to jump off a bridge, but it wasn’t high enough. Slept soaking wet in my car instead. Got a cold soon after. Figured it was a sign of the universe to not give up.”

She doesn’t really know what to say to that, much like she doesn’t know what she’d like her mom to do now. It’s clearly in the past for Buck, but it’s still a pretty big thing. She knows she doesn’t want the hovering, but it’s nice that someone cares. That they know. Like, yeah, sharing it at work had been awkward as hell, but having Sue or Maddie check in with her is nice. Buck doesn’t seem to have that at all.

Unable to find words, she throws her arms around him and he lets out a surprised whoosh of air as he catches her.

“Hey, Mayday, hey,” he shushes her gently, the kind of childish nickname that usually annoys her now soothing. “I’m okay.”

It’s not until he says that, that she notices she’s crying. She sniffles and buries her head in his chest, listening to his heartbeat and feeling the steady rising and falling. She gets herself under control and says: “I’m glad you’re still here, Buck.”

And she is soothed by Buck running a hand through her hair as he says: “So am I.”

They sit like that for a second, leaning on each other and watching the light polluted air of LA as they listen to the sounds of the garden and the neighborhood.

May tries to wrap her head around it. Not around trying to kill yourself. She clearly remembers how she felt. How awful it all was, feeling like her only best friend abandoned her and everyone hated her. How badly she didn’t want to go to school, because then she would have to face how alone she was and how bad she felt.

No, what she is trying to wrap her head around, is his parents not noticing. Being alone for it. She never would have gotten better without telling her parents, without reaching out.

“How did you do it?” she asks.

“Do what?”

“Keep going without telling anyone,” May clarifies. “I mean, your parents wouldn’t have grounded you if you told them what happened, right? So the fact that you did, means you never did. God knows I wouldn’t have told mom if she hadn’t found me. And the other time- You sounded alone.”

Buck winces and he replies: “I was alone, but it’s okay, really. I didn’t mean to be a downer. I actually never told anyone before.”

“You haven’t?” May asks, both horrified and honored to be the first one to hear this from him. “Not even Bobby? Or Maddie?”

“No, and I’d prefer it if you didn’t tell them either,” Buck says, looking her in the eyes and showing that he means it.

May frowns and goes to reply, but before she can, Buck says: “It’s okay to keep a secret unless it puts someone in harms way, right?” which is what her therapist and mom agreed on.

“And you’re not in harms way?” she checks.

“It’s been years, May. This is the best I’ve felt. Joining the 118 has only been up for me, despite the lows. I’m in therapy now too and I have a support system. I’m not in danger, so please don’t tell anyone,” Buck says.

“I guess,” she says after a beat, watching Buck’s frame relax slightly. Her determination to keep the secret strengthens and with more certainty, she says: “I won’t tell.”

“Thank you,” Buck gives her a proper smile for the first time since he’s sat down next to her.

Curiously, she asks: “Why did you tell me when you don’t like sharing it?” Because he sounded so casual about it, as if he told it often. She knows she sounds like that about her own attempt, but that is because she has talked about it. She definitely wasn’t like that the first time she shared.

“You seemed like you needed to hear it,” Buck shrugs, as if for him it truly is that easy. She needed to hear it, so to make her feel better, he would share it. “I mean, I can see that for you it’s not this big thing, which is why you think your mom is stifling, but it’s nice to have someone to talk about it with. Someone who won’t immediately go mama bear.”

May laughs at that and agrees: “I can use a little less mama bear, honestly.” Then she imagines Buck doing the same, how scary it was, but how he got grounded for it. Morosely she adds: “But I am grateful for her going mama bear, just a little bit.”

“I’m a little grateful for her going mama bear too, honestly,” Buck confesses in a whisper, adding a bit of comedy to it by exaggerating the whisper. It brings the smile back to her face.

Then she frowns again. “I just wish she wouldn’t smother me with it, you know. Talking to Laila isn’t the end of the world. She’s grown as a person. And so have I. I’m not a fourteen year old anymore, Buck, but mom won’t see it. She refuses to acknowledge me as an adult. Not just with this, but with everything. She’s against my job, she’s against me having this friend, she’s against me not going to college. It’s like she wants to make all the choices for me.”

“She just worries,” Buck says.

“That’s what everyone says,” May rolls her eyes. “I know she worries, but she isn’t the only one. I worry about her when she leaves to go out there on the streets, encountering god knows what. I get scared sometimes when there is a weird call and she’s the one responding. But I’m not controlling about it.”

Buck thinks about it for a second. He always considers her side, has done so even before he was an adult. She sees he does the same with Chris, Denny and Harry. She likes that about him, how seriously he has always taken them.

“I- I don’t know what it is like for a mom to find her kid like that, to go through that,” he starts after a moment. “And I know you worry too, but it’s different. You’re an adult, sure, but you’re still her kid. She still feels responsible for you. She’s not going to be rational about it.”

“Like Bobby not letting you work after your leg?” May asks.

Buck sends her a shocked look, seemingly not used to anyone picking his side in that moment of their shared lives.

“What,” she says defensively. “That was stupid. You were fine. He just felt bad, because the bomber dude was after him and he was all guilty towards you about it. I heard him and mom talk when it was happening. I can have my own opinions about it.”

“Never change, Mayday,” Buck grins, ruffling her hair.

She bats his hands away, less annoyed than she should be as she pouts: “Don’t call me that.”

“Alright, alright,” Buck concedes, before circling back. “But, yeah, like Bobby, I guess. She is going to hover.”

“Dad doesn’t hover,” May points out moodily.

“Then you should probably talk with your dad about it,” Buck suggests. “I’d love to give you the answers for that, but I can’t. I wasn’t super involved in your life back then, I don’t know what it was like for everyone. If you want to talk about the experience itself, I’m here, but you gotta figure out things with your parents yourself. Like you said, you’re an adult; you talk it out.”

“Ugh, sometimes I wish I could just slam the doors and hide out in my room instead,” May groans.

“Doing that will only prove Athena right,” Buck says, annoyingly correct.

May groans again: “Fine, I’ll talk to dad, then figure things out with mom.”

“A plan of attack, already a step in the right direction,” Buck smiles.

And she has to admit that she does feel better now that she has a plan. When she hid out here, she was mostly frustrated anger that wanted to escape, but knew that actually doing so would end in a police search that left her even more angry. Now, she doesn’t feel trapped in the stifling care, but like she has space to move. To make her own choices. She’s not the scared little girl who took a bunch of pills anymore. She’s an adult. She can talk it out.

“Thank you, Buck,” she says, hoping she sounds as sincere as she feels. “I needed that. Thank you for sharing, you didn’t have to and it made me feel better.”

“Anything for my favorite May,” he tells her affectionately, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her into a side hug.

“You know that doesn’t really count when I’m the only May you’re close with,” she points out.

“Yeah, but if I said sister, Maddie would be mad and if I said Grant, your mom and Harry would be mad,” he tells her and she can’t help but feel warmth bursting through her veins at being classified as his sister.

“Well, then you’re my favorite Buck, wouldn’t want Harry getting pissy,” she smiles at him, noting how his smile gets a little brighter at that and he leans into the hug more.

She rests her head against his shoulder and looks out into the garden again. After a moment, she wonders out loud what it would be like if they could see the stars and he tells her a little about what the sky looked like in Peru and in the south where he apparently worked as a ranch hand in the middle of nowhere.

He knows a lot of space facts and sheepishly admits that Chris is doing a chapter on space in school and he got sucked in when helping him. She asks if he knows anything about the moon and if the full moon making people weird is true, because listening to him talk is soothing and she wonders if she can trust the office gossip at the dispatch center.

Their moment is interrupted by her mom calling out: “If you don’t hurry your asses inside, there’s not going to be dessert left. And it’s getting cold out there, grab a jacket. Are you two okay?”

May makes eye contact with Buck and rolls her eyes, in turn Buck gives her a sympathetic grimace of support.

“We’re fine, mom. Coming,” May calls back. “Save us a plate.”

“You’re good to go inside?” Buck asks, when May hoists herself to her feet.

“Yeah,” she smiles at him. “Feel much better now. I might even enjoy dessert despite my shadow.”

He laughs at that and smiles back: “I’m glad. And I’m always right here if you wanna talk, okay?”

“Okay. Thank you,” she says. “I’m also here if you want to talk.”

“You’re becoming a magnificent young woman, May Grant,” he informs her with pride. May has always liked being the oldest, but this feeling, this is nice.

“And don’t you forget it,” she grins.

With that, she turns to walk inside to join the rest of the family dinner. She is going to enjoy the rest of her night and not stew in her own emotions. They’re all still there, but she isn’t alone with them and having someone who gets it makes all the difference.

[un-mare-di-stelle]

How is your day going? Mine is fine except my mother told me she printed me a picture of my father and her so I could have it and put it in my student accomodations when I move across the country. It could be wholesome and cute... if they had a single (1) picture of me in MY CHILDHOOD HOME WHERE THEY CURRENTLY LIVE.

[seyoonlgc]

tw: mentions of parental neglect, death, emotional abuse & childhood trauma.

Mother had heard about Chuseok, and asked to see him. Though it was only for dinner - a mere three hours of his time, Seyoon responded with no, I have a hair appointment. The line was silent on the other side for some time upon hearing this, and he imagined his mother's perfect brows furrowing from the sheer audacity of this excuse.

He hoped she'd get mad. Would have loved it if she hung up on him.

Instead, she asked again, using a softer voice. Said she will do the dye for him and cook all of his favorite things.

Seyoon relented, because a part of him will always be weak for her was curious if she could deliver on that promise. Wondered if somehow, despite never asking once, she would actually know what he liked.

Disappointment was a bitter pill to swallow, so Seyoon washed it down with some of the well seasoned ginseng chicken soup her majesty had made. She did indeed cook up a table full of food. All of the dishes were delicious, but not a single one was right for him. She also didn't take him to the home she shared with her husband and instead, to the apartment she'd let him use before, bought for her by another man some years ago.

"I'm thinking of going blonde," Seyoon started, but realized she already had the right shade of dye in her hands.

"I know," she answered with a smile that looked hauntingly like his own. "It will suit you." Her majesty sifted through his hair. "My Seyoon will look handsome." Seyoon's heart lifted. "Just not as much as Yoosoo's boy." And it sank. "Never as much as him." Ouch.

Mother, dear mother...Sometimes he wondered why she didn't pretend harder with him the way she did everybody else.

Perhaps she couldn't, after all, she hated him. It was rather despicable, though, how she dared to hate him when she was the one who made the choice to bring him into the world. She forced him to be here and made him endure all the consequences of her irresponsibility and lack of discretion.

There was a time when Seyoon had hoped otherwise. Convinced himself that she perhaps cared about him, and just never reached out because she had good reasons. Even after finding all the letters his step mom hid from him, he still hoped, that's why one call from Korea got him hopping on a plane.

Was it wrong? Was it wrong for a son to want to be loved by his own mother? Was it wrong to leave everything he knew behind just so he could ask why?

People thought he came to this country to follow his dream, but in reality, he was desperately seeking closure.

Want to hear a terrible secret?

There was a song his mother sang to him when he was a baby. In one of the only videos he had of her, she carried him tenderly in her arms and took him for a walk around the pond, humming sweetly. Apparently this was something she did often back in the day. His father remembered part of the harmony and hummed it to him too at times. As a teenager, he searched for the song endlessly and it wasn't until he'd arrived at Korea did he finally find out what it was about. While bearing a lovely melody, the song was about misery and death. A boy who had lost his beloved walked calmly into the river and ended his suffering once and for all. When his mother walked by the pond with her baby, humming about glassy eyes and lungs filling with water, was she perhaps tempted to lose the giggling bundle that was in truth her ball and chain?

Let's be honest, if people did not find out that she had a son prior to this marriage and blow it up, she would have never called him. Everything she was doing after that phone call was for her own image. That was why no matter how wild his parties got or how late he was out drinking, she never scolded him. And in fact, offered hungover soup sometimes in silent encouragement.

Destroy yourself.

Die so you won't be my problem anymore.

I never wanted you, and your father didn't either. Nobody ever did, just die.

Mother started humming the song again, and even now, knowing exactly what it was about, Seyoon felt his shoulders relaxing and his eyelids drooping as if somebody fed him spoonfuls of Nyquil.

This was the first person he'd ever loved - he loved her before knowing her, before knowing himself. This love had become part of his system, ran in his blood through every vein and entrenched deep even into his subconscious. It was poison, and destructive, but the very thought of trying to cleanse her out completely made him stiffen in fear.

See, the mother-child connection had a strength Seyoon could not deny, however toxic theirs was.

[sortofanobsession]

Prompt: Chim blabbing the secret about Daniel to Stanley Bomber Dude just did not sit well with me and also reminded me that Chim blabbed to Eddie about the whole Abby situation when Eddie first arrived at the station and we had that infamous gym scene. I would just love to see a fic where Buck confronts Chim about his loose lips because that seriously wasn't cool and he had no right to do that. Buck distances himself from Chim and Maddie and Albert is on Buck's side. Make Chim work. Buddie

This has been in my draft for a long time but I finally finished it and it is long overdue.

This is sort of a Sequel to Best Visitors, Worst Visitors Pt 1 & Pt 2. (but can sort of still stand on its own. it just fits well with that fic)

word count: 3k+

Don't share secrets with strangers

Chimney had done his best just to stay out of Buck’s way. He was fine letting Buck have the time he might need. The main issue is it was affecting all aspects of his life. Albert had told him that Buck barely spent any time in the apartment, and when he did, he barely spoke. Any calls from any of them rang until they went to voicemail. All texts were left on read. Buck wasn’t his usual happy self, and that never bode well for the team. Bobby relented and let Chimney return after a few days, but things were far from resolved. Hen ended up taking the brunt of Chimney’s frustration.

“What did you expect to happen?” Hen looked at Chimney.

“I don’t know, not this,” Chimney admitted. 

“You’re telling me that if you planned on getting that guy out of there, that you expected some guy with zero personal connection to Buck would have any reason not to say anything? I mean, the guy was literally going to blow up a building for revenge. What about that guy screamed, ‘hey, you can trust me with my friend’s life-altering secrets’, Chim?” 

“I had to tell someone. It was driving me insane,” Chimney told her.

“I’m sorry, Chim, but you and I both know that was a want, not a need. You wanted someone to tell you that you were right. Someone you wouldn’t have to face personal consequences for telling.” Hen closed the door of the ambulance they were doing inventory on. “And let’s face it. You chose poorly.” 

“Oh, come on,” Chimney said.

 Hen glared at him. “No, you come on. You have no idea how much damage you did, do you? Remember when Eddie was just starting on the team? During that whole calendar mess. You remember when Eddie mentioned Abby and how he knew Buck had been dumped? You remember how pissed Buck was that you had told him. And that was before you and Maddie were a thing. Sure, he got over that quickly because he and Eddie are now inseparable. But that was Eddie. This, this so much worse.” Hen shook her head and headed toward the loft.

“If you’re going to hit me, just hit me,” Chimney said to Eddie. Eddie had been glaring at him since Buck had left to take a phone call. 

“Not going to hit you,” Eddie stated.

“Then why are you staring at me like you are?” Chim asked.

“Seriously,” Eddie shook his head. “Have you stopped to think that you could have just told him?”

“And how would that have gone, Eddie? ‘Hey, Buck, you know how your parents are terrible parents, turns out it’s because you had a brother, and he died. Oh, and your sister has been helping keep this from you your whole life.' Yeah, Maddie would have loved that.”

“How is what is happening now preferable to that? Correction, how is this preferable to anyone but you?” Eddie asked. “I’m serious, Chim, who benefited from you telling Stanley anything? You could have literally talked about anything, like taking rebar to the brain, but no, you chose to tell him a secret that wasn’t yours to tell in the first place. You unburdened yourself while at the same time kick-starting all this.” Eddie gestured wildly. 

“That...I didn’t mean to-” Chimney started.

“No, you didn’t. And that is why we,” Eddie gestured between himself and Chimney. “Have a problem. You remember how pissed we all were after that deposition with that shitty lawyer, right? You remember how much it hurt having that guy know things about us we never wanted anyone outside these doors to know. Things we told Buck in confidence. Yeah, that was a lawyer, a really shitty one that is supposed to be bound by attorney/client privilege. You yourself were pissed. But we didn’t stay mad at Buck because we all know that asshole lawyer was the one to blame there. Buck was too trusting, and that jackass took advantage of him. Now, look at what you did again.” Eddie challenged him. “Remember that feeling, and now think about how much more it would have hurt if Buck had told him something about you that even you didn’t know and everyone was keeping hidden from you.” Eddie pushed up from the chair he was in. “Chew on that for a while.” 

Eddie caught Buck as he came up the stairs and steered him towards the kitchen, away from where Eddie left Chimney to think about his own choices. 

“Maybe I should have taken a few more days off,” Chimney said as he leaned against the counter as Bobby cooked.

“Do you really think that would have changed much?” Bobby asked. 

“I don’t know, maybe. Buck won't look at me unless absolutely necessary on a call, which doesn’t happen because Eddie and Hen are constantly running interference. They’ve both lit into me about how I can’t be trusted, and I mean, I get that. I screwed up.”

Bobby sighed. “Everyone thinks Buck’s the one that we need to worry about. That he’s reckless and too trusting. And he is, but the thing about Buck is that the risks he takes are for someone else’s benefit. You guys compare him to a puppy because he is. He needs people to like him. He needs to help people. Not to be the hero, like some people might think, but because he needs people to be okay. He needs to know he did everything in his power to better someone’s life. Do you know why I told you to come back to work?”

“Why?”

“Because as upset as Buck is with you and his family, he didn’t want you to use all your days off up, just in case something happens with the baby. He didn’t want you to lose too many work hours because things happen. So, for now, maybe let the others continue to run interference because we all know this won't last. Buck’s been on the receiving end of the team's silent treatment. He just needs time to process. I can’t guarantee things will go back to normal, but this won't be forever.”

Chimney spent the rest of the shift really thinking about what they had told him. He shouldn’t be surprised to know that Buck was still looking out for him, even when he was mad at him. Chim thought about how things had gone down after the lawsuit. He tries to figure out how to fix things.

“How’d it go?” Maddie asked when Chimney got home after his shift. 

“Well, no one punched me in the face, so better than I expected, but I’m starting to think that would be preferable.”

“What do you mean?” Maddie asked. 

“I’m starting to understand how Buck felt after that lawsuit,” Chim said as he dropped down onto the couch. “No, it’s exactly like that. Eddie made that painfully clear.”

“How? How are they possibly the same?” Maddie couldn’t believe Eddie was being that difficult. He just kept making things worse.

“Well...because I screwed up more than you think,” Chim admitted. 

“What does that mean? What are you talking about?” She asked. With a sigh, Chimney broke down and told her about what had happened with Stanley the bomber.

“And Buck put two and two together that the reason Stanley had wanted to talk to him was that he knew. I tried to apologize and explain that I was stressing out and it was a mistake.”

“A mistake?! Howie!” Maddie shouted at him. “Grabbing mismatched socks is a mistake. Using salt instead of sugar is a mistake. This is a disaster! You told a criminal about my parents, and I were keeping my dead brother a secret, knowing full well Buck was right outside! His name in bold letters on his back! You used his name! Their names!”

“I know,” Chim held his hands up to try and placate her. “I know I messed this up.”

“Howie!” 

“I’m doing my best, okay,” he tried to keep his calm.

“Buck must be so upset,” Maddie said, burying her face in her hands. 

“The team is looking after him, and I’m trying to stay out of his way.”

“You could have talked to anyone,” Maddie said. 

“I love you, Maddie, but you know that isn’t true.”

“What?” Maddie stared at him.

“You refused to talk about it. My brother literally ran away from me when I tried to talk to him, and the team essentially told me to keep it to myself.”

“Are you blaming us for this? Blaming me?” Maddie glared at him.

“What? No, I mean, you didn’t make it exactly easy, but that’s not even entirely on you. That is your parents doing. They wanted to keep him in the dark.”

“If you needed to talk to someone, you should have gone to a professional,” Maddie stated.

“I know, but I honestly didn’t think this would happen this way.” 

“You can’t just tell random people family secrets, Howie.” Maddie shook her head. 

“And I won't ever again,” Chim assured her.

“Good, because we have to be able to trust each other.”

“I know, and I’ll figure out how to fix things.”

Chimney set the big box from a nearby bakery on the counter at the start of their next shift. Earning a raised brow from Hen as she approached. 

“Trying to bribe Buck’s sweet tooth?” She asked as she looked over the pastries. 

“I guess it’s more of a thank you for putting up with me,” Chim shrugged. 

“Oh, finally learning self-awareness, are we?” Hen smirked. 

“Something like that,” Chim stated. “It was this or a ‘sorry I’m a jackass’ cake, and that just seemed too formal.”

Neither of the paramedics were surprised when Buck and Eddie walked into the loft at the same time. Eddie had taken the self-appointed task of keeping Chimney as far from Buck as he could very seriously. So as much as Chim would like to talk to them, he knew better. He was trying to make things right, not make them worse. Getting into an argument with an overprotective Eddie Diaz wouldn’t help anyone. So Chim headed down to make sure the rig was ready to go for the shirt. 

“What’s all this?” Eddie asked Hen as he looked over the sweet treats. He shook his head but grinned as he saw Buck grabbing the fluffiest-looking muffin in the box. 

“I’m not sure I should tell you. You might reject it out of spite,” Hen smirked. 

“Chim brought them?” Buck asked. 

“Said it was a ‘thank you for putting up with him’ treat,” Hen answered. 

Eddie snorted but grabbed a pastry out of the box. "Gonna take a lot more than this, right?" He looked over at Buck. Buck just looked at the muffin. Eddie sighed. "Fine, it's a start."

"It's a start," Hen said when she joined Chimney as he washed the ambulance as something to do. 

"What?" He asks.

"Eddie said the baked goods were a start, although that was only after he said it would take a lot more than that, but when Buck didn't immediately agree with him, he relented that much at least. And they both took something, so it wasn't a rejection."

"But Buck didn't say anything?" 

"Just asked if you brought them in, and I told them you did."

"But he didn't seem mad about it?"

"Eddie was miffed. Buck looked…unsure, but again, he didn't immediately put the muffin back. He accepted it was from you and enjoyed his treat. So you're not on the wrong track. Just don't push too hard."

"I won't, I sort of have a plan." 

"That's better than nothing, I guess." 

Chimney went into Bobby's office. 

"How can I let Buck know that I appreciate him still wanting to work with me even if he is still mad? That I do appreciate his thought process."

Bobby thought about it for a minute or two.

"Well, you can pick up some of the chores he usually does or just leave him a note. Make it clear you are giving him whatever space he needs. 

"I do have one suggestion…"

on their next weekend shift Eddie and Buck smile as Christopher and Abuela enter the station. 

"What's the occasion?" Eddie asks as he hugs his Abuela. Christopher laughs as Buck picks him up off the ground in a bear hug.

"Your friend Howard thought it would be a nice surprise, said the team was having lunch and we were invited." 

Both Buck and Eddie exchanged a look. Chimney wasn't even there today. 

"That was nice of him," Buck says. 

They all head up to the loft, and Eddie goes over to Bobby.

"Did you know about this?" Eddie asks. 

"I did, and food should be delivered in a few minutes."

"He did all this to get Buck to be less mad?"

"He did this because he wanted Buck to know that he appreciates all that he has done for him. That he knows Buck is the reason Chimney was allowed to come back to work and not burn all his time off. He knows Buck is hurting and is trying to give him space, but he wants him to know that Chim knows he screwed up. So it is an apology, or part of one, and a thank you."

"And he's using my family for that?" Eddie isn't sure how he feels about that.

"That was my suggestion," Bobby admits. "We all know Buck adores Christopher, and I may have suggested that he finds a way to help Buck have more time with the people he loves. And with how things are with his sister right now, I didn't think it was a good idea to push that quite yet."

"And Christopher is the only other person."

"Well, Athena is on her way with Harry if that makes you feel any better. May had plans. He  said Karen and Denny said they couldn't make it but send their love."

"So it was a team thing," Eddie reasons. He does feel a bit better knowing that. 

"He is trying to make amends, Eddie. And he knows that giving us more time with our families makes everyone happy."

"Family started the problem. Maybe family can fix it." Eddie looks over to where Buck is happily listening to Christopher talk his ear off. Abuela is talking with Hen and Albert. Eddie will admit that everyone seemed happy. 

"Well, it worked," Eddie admits. "Because so far, everyone seems happier."

"I'm glad."

Athena and Harry join them as the pizzas and sides that had been delivered were brought up to the loft.

"Perfect timing," Buck grins when he hugs Athena. "Go grab a slice with Christopher." Buck grins at Harry. Harry looks up at his mom.

"Go on," Athena tells her son. "Have fun." Athena watches her son go join Christopher. Eddie hands him a plate with a smile as he helps his own son get his plate filled. Athena looks back to Buck. "How are you?" She asks him.

"I'm okay, it's been tough, but I'm okay."

"You're allowed to feel whatever you feel, Buck." 

"I just don't understand why they wouldn't tell me," Buck admits.

Athena squeezes his arm. "As a parent, it blows my mind that they thought that was a good idea. But what is done is done. All we can do is try to pick up the pieces and move forward."

"That's true," Buck nods. 

"No matter what happens, you still have us, Buckaroo." Athena grins. "And apparently pizza."

"Yeah," Buck chuckles. "We have lots of that."

Bobby snaps a picture of everyone enjoying themselves and sends it to Chimney. 

Bobby: Told you it would work.

Chim: glad they like it.

Bobby: Eddie asked why and I told him the truth 

Chim: mad?

Bobby: no said it worked 

Chim: Buck?

Bobby: not sure but he is happy so that's something

Chim: thanks 

"What's that?" Maddie asks when she sees Chim looking at a picture on his phone. And he tells her. 

"How much did you spend?" Maddie asks first. 

"Not as much as I could have. Albert and Bobby helped."

"So you planned a team meal and didn't invite yourself?" Maddie was a bit confused.

"I didn't do it for me, Maddie. I did it for Buck. Because he has had a tough time, and seeing Christopher makes him happy. Spending time with Athena and Harry makes him happy. It makes Bobby happy and Eddie happy too. So if this is what I have to do to prove that I just want my friends, my team, to be happy, then yeah, I'll do it. And maybe next time they'll be happy if we join them."

"You did this all for my brother," Maddie smiles. 

"Yes, because he needed something to cheer him up, and I know it hurts you that you can't be there for him this time. But Bobby made a really good point when he suggested part of this. He said this won't be forever. Buck learned through the lawsuit debacle what it was like to be an outsider on a team, in a family. And I know Bobby's right. Buck might need time to process everything, but he still loves you, and he lost so much time with you already because of Doug. This won't be forever. It's just for now."

Maddie wipes tears from her eyes and nods. He was right.

The next shift they have together, Buck is waiting by the locker room when Chimney gets there. Chim looks around and is surprised not to see Eddie. 

"I wanted to talk to you," Buck says. 

"Okay," Chim goes into the locker room and opens his locker. "I've wanted to talk to you too."

"I know." 

"Buck, I am so sorry. I know I made a huge mistake. I hurt you. I upset Maddie-"

"Is she okay?" Buck immediately asks, concern for his sister clear in his tone.

"Yeah, Buck. She just misses you, but she knows this isn't something she should push you on. We know you need time."

"Am I really that difficult to talk to?" Buck asks, his features now guarded and his arms crossed over his chest. 

"No, of course not. You're like the easiest person to talk to. You usually do most of the talking."

Buck scoffed. 

"Okay, that sounded more endearing in my head," Chim backpedals. "It's just how was I supposed to tell you something like that and not hurt you, Buck?"

"It would have hurt a hell of a lot less than this. I trusted you as my friend. As my teammate, even before Maddie came to LA. We were friends."

"I still am your friend, or at least I want to be. I know I can't fix this overnight. I kept something from you, and then I did the worst possible thing to try and make myself feel better."

"Secrets have done nothing but mess this team up. I thought I wasn't the only one that learned that lesson-"

"You weren't, and Eddie made sure I remembered it."

"Eddie has been trying to get me through this. He has helped me talk through it. Made sure I talked to Dr. Copeland. You know, talking to your friends, and an actual therapist does wonders." A bitter edge was clear in his tone. "Hell, even he has a therapist Chim, that's saying something."

"I know, and you're right. In the future, I'll do that."

"Good, because you can't be doing that stuff when you're a dad."

"I know. It won't happen again."

"Good."

"You know Maddie misses you, right? She hates how this all went down, and she's worried about you."

"I'll call her soon," Buck says. 

"No more big secrets, okay?"

"Right, no bad ones, no promises that surprise parties and stuff won't ever happen, but I can't think of anything bad. I'm sorry, Buck."

"I know," Buck says. "But you’re still on your own with Eddie, so have fun with that." 

Chim sighed. He felt better knowing Buck was not mad at him or at least giving him the cold shoulder. He could work with this. He could live with this. He took his phone out and sent a text to Maddie that he and Buck talked. She was glad to hear it was getting better. He also told her Buck said he would call her soon. She was so happy she cried. She loves her little brother more than almost anything. She cried even harder when she got a text later that day.

Evan: I still love you. 

Evan: hate the situation not you

Mads: love you too

Mads: and Im sorry I should have told you

Evan: you were a kid so thats on mom n dad

Mads: I know but still

Evan: no more secrets

Mads: I promise 

Evan: pinky promise?

Mads: pinky promise 

His last message is a series of emojis that makes her laugh. She figured that was probably his goal. The rest of her day seems much easier now with that weight off her shoulders. 

[puffitale]

Dumb meme: You wouldn't last an hour in the asylum they raised me in

Me, who lost her childhood to the trauma of being raised by two mentally ill parents - one with schizophrenia, one who took the truth of her mental illness to her deathbed - in a hoarding house, and a multitude of abuse & neglect, her teens to her mother’s delayed adolescence, her twenties to her mother unknown illness and loss of Independence, who's only just regaining her self after years of abuse, reacting to a meme of a Taylor swift lyric posted on to a screenshot of Disney.com in 2007:

[thebonemanwrites]

Little Lisa

Did you hear the story about the little lady

Who had her little baby ripped right out her little body 

Bobbie was the name but who was the blame?

Oh, was it Lisa?

Oh was it Lisa?

Oh was it Lisa?

Mmm...

Little Lisa couldn’t hold to any of her brood 

Father put his hands on her, the neighbors weren’t so prude

Mama pulled a gun, little Lisa, run

Had two other fellas who beat her undone 

Oh, was it Lisa?

Oh was it Lisa?

Oh was it Lisa?

Mmm...

Tubes were tied, she felt a kick, then Lisa got sick 

Went out to the market, got a cord, oh right quick 

Strung up poor old Bobbie Jo, made a big old bloody show 

Finally, she can be Mama

Oh, was it Lisa?

Oh was it Lisa?

Oh was it Lisa?

Mmm...

Battered woman on the stand

Woman cannot understand, said

Where’s my, where’s my baby?

Little Lisa on the stand

Lisa cannot understand, oh

Is she, is she crazy?

16 years the court wants to be 

made certain 

While death’s lurkin’ for a Little Miss Lisa

Poured the fire in her veins 

Under a dictator’s reign 

Goodnight to United States

Oh, was it Lisa?

Oh was it Lisa?

Oh was it Lisa?

Mmm...

[undercovercannibal]

SUPERNATURAL 4.04 ⛥ Metamorphosis 9.07 ⛥ Bad Boys

[pain-is-my-game]

Parents really do traumatize you and then force you to reparent yourself instead of being a capable human being who can contribute to society like a normal person. Sorry I can't get a well paying job right now I'm trying to learn coping mechanisms.

[cubbihue]

Does Mr. Turner like rubbing his “son’s” successful career in Dinkleberg’s face??

He does! He brags about Timmy's success to every person within the neighborhood's vicinity. Mr. Turner loves how successful his son is! It really secures his reputation at the neighborhood HOA meetings they host at their house.

Timmy's worked very hard to gain more successes than failures. The more successful he is, the greater his family's social standing!! And the less he gets to overhear his dad ranting to the neighborhood about his failures.

Bitties Series: [Start] > [Previous] > [Next]

[too-much-tma-stuff]

Finally Getting Help (pt 14)

 Masterpost

“Do you want to go back to the manor, or do you want to go somewhere else?” Jason asked Danny after a few quiet minutes driving. 

“Can we go out of Gotham? Somewhere quiet,” Jason hummed and nodded before switching the com on. “Hey Bruce, will you kill me if I take Danny camping for tonight?” He asked, he knew Danny loved the stars, being away from Gotham’s pollution for a night and getting to properly see the stars would probably help. 

There was a pause and then Bruce’s soft response. “No, I know you’ll take care of him, Jaylad. Will you stop by the manor so Alfred can make sure you have everything you need?”

“Ya I’ll do that, will you call him to make sure he has stuff ready for us? Probably a car too since I don’t think I can fit a tent and provisions on the back of my bike,” Jason chuckled. 

“Don’t you worry Master Jason, we have a motorcycle trailer I shall pack for you,” Alfred said over the coms.

Jason had forgotten that Alfred was on the coms as Agent A. “Thanks A,” Jason said and then turned off the radio again. “Does that sound good Danny? We’ll probably have to wait a bit for Alfred to pack up some food for us and stuff but getting out of Gotham overnight, being able to see the sky…?”

“Ya, ya Jason that sounds perfect. Thank you,” Danny said, squeezing Jason gently and snuggled against his back.

They pulled up outside the manor and Jason kicked down his bike stand so they could both get off. “Do you want to go in and pack some clothes or stay out here?” Jason asked as he got off and leaned against his bike still.

“I don’t want to go in,” Danny said quickly. Jason knew the feeling, where being surrounded by walls felt like a trap. 

“Alright, do you mind Alfie grabbing some clothes for you then?” He asked.

“No, I don’t mind,” Danny assured. “I’m looking forward to getting away from people. I’m glad not to have to be a hero anymore honestly, but I haven’t used my ghost form in a couple weeks and I want to Fly,” He said. “Nothing clears my head like flying as fast as I can.”

“Ya I can imagine. Bruce should introduce you to some of the supers, it would be good for you to spar with someone you can go all out with,” Jason said crossing his arms, not missing the way Danny’s eyes lingered on his biceps, smirking a little at Danny’s moment of distraction.

“Ya, it would probably be good for me to get some training with my powers too. Mom taught both me and Jazz martial arts when we were kids, before things got bad, but that was a while ago and before I got my powers.” Danny said a little vaguely. 

Jason nodded and was about to respond when he heard a soft motor, looking up to see Alfred driving a cart over to them, towing a small trailer towards them that no doubt had everything they needed for their camping trip. Maybe even enough from a weekend away in case Danny needed more time. 

“I’m sure you have a relatively secure location in mind, Master Jason?” Alfred asked once he came to a halt.

“Ya I do, Gonna get as far away from civilization as I can within a day’s drive,” He told Alfred who gave a thin smile and nodded.

“Very good, be safe you too,” Alfred said, stepping back again.

“We will, thank you Alfred,” Danny said with a little smile, going to stand by the bike, letting Jason get on first again before sitting down behind him again and hugged him.

“Ya, don’t worry about us,” Jason assured as he put his helmet back on and kicked off, speeding back out of the manor drive before anyone else got home. They were probably dawdling to give Jason and Danny time to get out again, he appreciated it, he didn’t think Dick in particular would be able to stop himself from questioning Danny. Even though he would only have the best intentions and all that but now wasn’t the time.

It was a decently long drive to the nearest national park, where Jason went off-roading and in the back. He would make a donation later, he just didn’t want anyone to be able to track that this was where they were. Taking Danny this far away from Gotham and the other Bats was already a bit of a risk with Vlad still at large but Jason had the specter-deflector and blaster Danny gave him with them and he hadn’t told anyone where they were going, they’d be fine. He was good at off-roading and judging from the giggling from Danny he was enjoying the off-road motorbike ride. 

When they were far enough away from the road no one was likely to see them there was a bright flash behind Jason and the weight of his bike shifted. He almost panicked Danny had fallen off before he caught movement to his side and glanced over to see Danny, now with white hair and green eyes, grinning at him impishly and racing along at his side flying fast.

“Race you!” Danny said, his voice had an odd echoing chime to it in this form but it was still recognizably his. There was plausible deniability about his identity though, sure as hell more than there was for superman but maybe they should still find him a mask.

“You’re on! But no just going through the trees! If I have to dodge, so do you!” Jason laughed.

“You got it!” Danny cheered.

Jason knew he was going to lose, but it was good to see Danny smiling, pinging between trees like a fucking ping-pong ball with pent up energy from not having used his powers at all for more then a week. Working out all the nerves and jitters as Jason raced along behind him trying to keep up.

Jason thought it was probably an hour of flying/driving before they came to a bank of a lake, he had to turn his bike sideways and skid to not slip into the water as Danny laughed at him. 

“This seems like a good place to set up camp huh?” Danny said, his feet finally touching the ground again. Another bright flash made Jason blink and Danny was his black haired, blue eyes self again. “Do you think Alfred packed us swim suits?” 

-------

They unpacked everything Alfred had sent them, set up the tent far enough back from the lake they couldn’t be seen across it, and laughed about the amount of food he’d sent them. It was enough to feed an entire team for a week! Still it was good food, and Danny was particularly excited about a chicken soup he’d sent in a metal container that could be heated up over a fire. 

Once they were unpacked Jason went to grab firewood, leaving Danny alone in the camp to take his binder off and change his shirt since that one still had jelly on it from the ultrasound. By the time he came back Danny had changed into a hoodie so his chest was barely visible, only when Danny absently rubbed it. When Danny caught Jason staring he gave the other man a shy smile and darted over to steal a kiss, taking half the wood to help Jason carry it to the fire-pit. 

Jason set about making a fire while Danny went back to the lake, wading in the shallows since they didn’t have their swimsuits. It was too cool out for an ordinary human to swim anyway, though Danny would probably be fine.

Jason glanced over now and then, watching Danny’s figure as he strolled along the shore, pants rolled up and ankles swishing through the green water without a sound. He piled kindling and lit it easily, stoking the fire and adding bigger logs, sitting back and waiting for some coals to develop while he set up their little camping grill. Once he could pull out some coals he did, put the grill over them and set the food on that to heat. 

When the food started to smell good Danny came wandering back over and sat down cross legged next to Jason, leaning against his shoulder. “Alfred’s the best cook in the family,” Jason said as he stirred the food, the soup which was just for Danny, and a chili and rice. “But I’m a pretty damn good cook too, if I do say so myself, you should come over to my place for dinner some time. I’d like to cook for you,” He admitted, it was always a way he showed affection.

“I’d like that,” Danny said, his eyes fixed on the fire and a small smile on his lips. His presence at Jason’s side was comforting and cool. He still seemed like he was a little bit out of it, bouncing back and forth between energy and lethargy, denial and grief probably. Jason had resolved not to say anything until after food, things tended to seem less dire with a stomach full of good food.

Once the food was steaming he used his gloves to pull the grill off the fire, nudging Danny to shuffle away so he could put it down between them. With the spoons he’d used to stir still in them. 

“Do you want to share?” Danny asked, trying to hide his reluctance, which was sweet.

“If you want to, but if not the soup is all yours,” Jason assured.

“Thanks. I guess I am eating for three now,” Danny chuckled a little bitterly before he grabbed the spoon and started to eat, blowing carefully on each bite so it wouldn’t be too hot. 

They ate in silence, Danny quickly finished off all the soup, which would have been enough for two people but Danny ate a lot. He’d need to eat more before bed no doubt. Alfred had still packed them why too much food but maybe there was a method to his madness anyway. Jason finished most of the Chili and then pushed the rest towards Danny who gave him a sheepish smile but finished that off too. 

Jason moved the grill out from between them and Danny scooted closer to Jason again. When he lifted his arm Danny ducked under it so Jason could drape his arm over Danny’s shoulders, keeping the shorter man tucked against his side. “So, do you feel up to talking now?” Jason asked softly and Danny sighed, turning his head to hide his face against Jason’s shoulder for a moment. 

“Ya,” He muttered resignedly when he came out of hiding. “It’s not really the babies this time. I mean ya I was still sort of in denial about actually being pregnant and seeing it made it real so that was a lot, but I had already mostly processed it. I want the babies, we’ll set up a nursery at the manor, I’ll have support, hell Bruce would probably even hire a nanny if we need. I’ll be able to finish school, it’s just…” He trailed off for a moment.

“You know, when I was born my dad was a little disappointed, they loved me but they’d wanted a daughter and a son. When I was assigned female at birth and they didn’t want any more kids, he was a little disappointed. When I came out as trans they were So Excited. My dad kept talking about how he knew I’d taken after him! I was going to be a ‘big man’ after all. He couldn’t seem to understand that even though I was a man it hadn’t changed my biology. They were so supportive, my mom Screamed at a teacher who made me cry misgendering me, got them fired. 

“They weren’t always bad parents, there were always good days. Ya they’d retreat into their lab for days at a time and we’d have to fend for ourselves, they left guns and chemicals all over the place. I Know they weren’t good parents, but they still loved us, and I loved them. And despite everything half of me really wants them to know their grandkids, wanted my mom to be there holding his hands and have my dad come bursting through the wall because he’s so excited to be a grandpa,” Danny sniffled a little. 

“I’ll be a better parent then they were by miles, but it’s sort of scary to know that love isn’t always enough. People who love you… still hurt you. It’s not fair that the good parts are all tangled up in the bad parts, and the bad parts are to bad to let anywhere near me or the babies, especially with the whole, half ghost thing.” 

“Ya, it’s not,” Jason sighed, biting his lip for a moment before clearing his throat. “Before Bruce took me in, before I was an orphan, my mom was an addict. Dad was in prison, it was just the two of us. On her good days she taught me to cook, she sang me lullabies, taught me Spanish.” He trailed off and sighed. “On her bad days she was too high to move, or unconscious. She’s be that way for days until the drugs ran out, I’d make sure she ate, try and keep the place clean, hell I had to help her go to the washroom. And I did it, because I was holding on to that last good day, and hoping for the next one. Even when the good days came less and less often near the end.

“Kids love their parents, even when they don’t deserve it. When the parent loves them too a kid can forgive just about any failing and dismiss all the hurt the parents cause because ‘people who love you wouldn’t hurt you’. Truth is the people who love you can often hurt you the worst, because you let them into your head, and rationalize everything they do. So if they hurt you, that must be what love feels like.”

“What do you think love feels like?” Danny asked, voice soft and vulnerable. 

“Well, for me I guess I learned what love really felt like when I moved in with Bruce,” though he was loathed to admit it. “When he’d carry me up to bed even though he knew I was only pretending to be asleep, he’d go slow so he could hold me a bit longer because he knew that’s what I really wanted. When he stayed home from patrol with me because I was sick and I wanted comfort, or remembered where my favourite gargoyle was so he could come find me when I was upset. And Alfred, teaching me to cook his family recipes and making me tea when I woke up in the middle of the night with nightmares, never seeming put out he was losing sleep.

“Love is… warm, and forgiving, willing to give you what you need without resenting it. Of course Bruce wasn’t perfect, stubborn, moralistic, self important bastard.” Danny let out an amused snort as Jason continued. “But… I know he did his best, and he never abandoned me. Even when I was dying I knew he was on his way, it sucked that he didn’t get there in time, but I never believed he abandoned me because I knew he never would.”

“I guess that’s Jazz for me. She’s only two years older than me, but she was always there, she showed me how to do just about everything. I thought it was annoying that she was always after me about doing my homework and stuff, but it means she really cared. Not just when she remembered to, or didn’t have anything better to do. 

“I guess I’m a little scared of that too. Now that I have a safe home, and she’s 18, she’s going to go to university and make new friends. She knows I’m safe now, so what if she doesn’t… care as much anymore?” Danny asked.

“That’s not going to happen,” Jason said immediately. “She might be around a bit less, but she won’t care any less. That’s what siblings are like. I should know, I have enough of them,” he joked and Danny gave a wet laugh. 

“Ya, she deserves to have her own life anyway,” Danny said, but he seemed calmer. They sat in a comfortable silence, watching the sunset across the lake, it was beautiful.

“Sooo, how do you think you want to decorate the nursery?” Jason asked and saw Danny smile.

“I’ll tell you in a minute, now that it’s dark there’s one more thing I have to do to feel better,” He said sardonically, ducking out from under Jason’s arm and standing. “Cover your ears,” he directed as he walked over to the lake.

Jason was confused, but he did as Danny asked as the other transformed into his ghost form. At the edge of the lake he took a deep breath and Wailed, the water exploded up around him forced back by the sound. Jason clamped his hands over his ears more firmly as the sound ricocheted around his skull, it was such a pure rage, fear, and sorrow he could Feel it bubbling in him as well, like it was more feeling than sound. Jason didn’t know how long it was before Danny stopped, collapsing to his knees and changing back into human form, breathing hard. 

Hesitantly Jason uncovered his ears and after a moment Danny took a deep breath and came back over to him, collapsing next to him by the fire. “Okay for the nursery I was thinking of a celestial theme.” 

They talked for a long time about what Danny wanted for the nursery at the manor. When Jason worked up the courage to suggest if they were still going strong in a few months they should set up a second nursery in his apartment. So Danny could come visit with the babies more easily once they were born, they moved on to plans for that hypothetical. They decided on a forest theme for that one, Jason was looking forward to it. He loved kids, and ya he and Danny were new but he had a really good feeling about this.

Next

[blu3b3rryj4mp1r3]

Friendly reminder that "I bought you nice things", "I gave you food and a roof over your head" and "I've never hit/physically hurt you" does not justify emotional abuse, neglect or parentification.

And if when being confronted they make you feel guilty and get defensive and passive aggressive saying some variant of "Oh well I must've been such a terrible parent!" and tell you how they bought you nice things for your birthdays and how your basic needs were met, that does not make your feelings and trauma invalid. You're not a bad person or ungrateful for feeling hurt.

[the-witchhunter]

DP x DC: Loser Baby

So the thing is, tonally John Constantine is probably not a great match for Danny in lighter funnier fics

Don’t get me wrong, John can have his lighter moments, especially in crossovers, and he’s got a sense of humor

But

Hellblazer lore is dense and weird, but more importantly it’s DARK

Like, extremely

John is a deeply traumatized man, people around him get hurt, he spent three years inpatient at a psychiatric facility. There’s a story line where he’s a homeless alcoholic who makes friends with a rent-boy and shows a grim reality of life on the street, substance abuse, addiction, and sex work. It also ends with John’s demon blood eating the face off of the King of Vampires who happens to look like James Dean

That’s not even getting into the serial killer plot or the multiple trips to hell

Sins of the Father involves John being forced to confront the soul of his father in hell, a man who was terribly abusive and blamed John for the death of his mother who died while giving birth to him, which given information revealed during this comic turns out to be very misplaced.

However, makes him a good fit for a “Jack and Maddie are Bad Parents” fic, and/or a dissection fic

And it would basically play out like “Loser Baby” from Hazbin Hotel

Because it is a shitty situation. Coming to terms with neglect, the trauma of them rejecting him for an aspect of himself he can’t change Phantom Planet does not exist and the emotional and physical trauma of a dissection, and then being homeless and having to find a way to survive on his own

But John can empathize and understand

His own trauma may be different but he gets it, can relate to it, and can say “mate, situation is fucked to all hell but you don’t need to be alone because of that”

And that’s not even getting into the trauma of dealing with supernatural weirdness, which frankly they would both understand pretty well

Just two traumatized people bonding and saying “yes, we may be damaged goods, but we’re not broken and we aren’t alone”

[nmolesofadrenaline]

[letteriwillneversend]

having parents that are nothing more than unfriendly strangers wearing familiar voices that say familiar things makes you wonder if there was ever any such thing as home.

it makes you wonder what it might be like to have a bad day and have someone you can call or talk to. what it might be like to have someone you can to for advice or comfort. what it might be like to have a shoulder or lap you can finally rest your head on. what it might be like to have a bowl of cut fruit that spells out unconditional love.

some days i find myself looking for home even when i don’t know what to look for.

[a-sip-of-milo]

If you’re threatened by the concept of children distancing themselves from their abusive parents, maybe you need to take a look at what type of parent you are. If you truly were raising your kids well, you’d have nothing to worry about.

DNI if you believe in cluster B abuse.