#(totally not self-indulgent at all!)
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It's always been intriguing to me that, even when Elizabeth hates Darcy and thinks he's genuinely a monstrous, predatory human being, she does not ever perceive him as sexually predatory. In fact, literally no one in the novel suggests or believes he is sexually dangerous at any point. There's not the slightest hint of that as a factor in the rumors surrounding him, even though eighteenth-century fiction writers very often linked masculine villainy to a possibility of sexual predation in the subtext or just text*. Austen herself does this over and over when it comes to the true villains of her novels.
Even as a supposed villain, though, Darcy is broadly understood to be predatory and callous towards men who are weaker than him in status, power, and personality��with no real hint of sexual threat about it at all (certainly none towards women). Darcy's "villainy" is overwhelmingly about abusing his socioeconomic power over other men, like Wickham and Bingley. This can have secondhand effects on women's lives, but as collateral damage. Nobody thinks he's targeting women.
In addition, Elizabeth's interpretations of Darcy in the first half of the book tend to involve associating him with relatively prestigious women by contrast to the men in his life (he's seen as extremely dissimilar from his male friends and, as a villain, from his father). So Elizabeth understands Darcy-as-villain not in terms of the popular, often very sexualized images of masculine villainy at the time, but in terms of rich women she personally despises like Caroline Bingley and Lady Catherine de Bourgh (and even Georgiana Darcy; Elizabeth assumes a lot about Georgiana in service of her hatred of Darcy before ever meeting her).
The only people in Elizabeth's own community who side with Darcy at this time are, interestingly, both women, and likely the highest-status unmarried women in her community: Charlotte Lucas and Jane Bennet. Both have some temperamental affinities with Darcy, and while it's not clear if he recognizes this, he quietly approves of them without even knowing they've been sticking up for him behind the scenes.
This concept of Darcy-as-villain is not just Elizabeth's, either. Darcy is never seen by anyone as a sexual threat no matter how "bad" he's supposed to be. No one is concerned about any danger he might pose to their daughters or sisters. Kitty is afraid of him, but because she's easily intimidated rather than any sense of actual peril. Even another man, Mr Bennet, seems genuinely surprised to discover late in the novel that Darcy experiences attraction to anything other than his own ego.
I was thinking about this because of how often the concept of Darcy as an anti-hero before Elizabeth "fixes him" seems caught up in a hypermasculine, sexually dangerous, bad boy image of him that even people who actively hate him in the novel never subscribe to or remotely imply. Wickham doesn't suggest anything of the kind, Elizabeth doesn't, the various gossips of Meryton don't, Mr Bennet and the Gardiners don't, nobody does. If anything, he's perceived as cold and sexless.
Wickham in particular defines Darcy's villainy in opposition to the patriarchal ideal his father represented. Wickham's version of their history works to link Darcy to Lady Anne, Lady Catherine (primarily), and Georgiana rather than any kind of masculine sexuality. This version of Darcy is a villain who colludes with unsympathetic high-status women to harm men of less power than themselves, but villain!Darcy poses no direct threat to women of any kind.
It's always seemed to me that there's a very strong tendency among fans and academics to frame Darcy as this ultra-gendered figure with some kind of sexual menace going on, textually or subtextually. He's so often understood entirely in terms of masculinity and sexual desire, with his flaws closely tied to both (whether those flaws are his real ones, exaggerated, or entirely manufactured). Yet that doesn't seem to be his vibe to other characters in the story. There's a level at which he does not register to other characters as highly masculine in his affiliations, highly sexual, or in general as at all unsafe** to be around, even when they think he's a monster. And I kind of feel like this makes the revelations of his actual decency all along and his full-on heroism later easier to accept in the end.
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*The incompetently awful villain(?) in Sanditon, for instance, imagines himself another Lovelace (a reference to the famous rapist-villain of Samuel Richardson's Clarissa). Evelina's sheltered education and lack of protectors makes her vulnerable to sexual exploitation in Frances Burney's Evelina, though she ultimately manages to avoid it. There's frequently an element of sexual predation in Gothic novels even of very different kinds (e.g. Ann Radcliffe's The Mysteries of Udolpho and Matthew Lewis's The Monk both lean into this, in their wildly dissimilar styles). William Godwin's novel Caleb Williams, a book mostly about the destructive evils of class hierarchies and landowning classes specifically, depicts the mutual obsession of the genteel villain Falkland and working class hero Caleb in notoriously homoerotic terms (Godwin himself added a preface in 1832 saying, "Falkland was my Bluebeard, who had perpetrated atrocious crimes ... Caleb Williams was the wife"). This list could go on for a very long time.
**Darcy is also not usually perceived by other characters as a particularly sexual, highly masculine person in a safe way, either, even once his true character is known. Elizabeth emphasizes the resilience of Darcy's love for her more than the passionate intensity they both evidently feel; in the later book, she does sometimes makes assumptions about his true feelings or intentions based on his gender, but these assumptions are pretty much invariably shown to be wrong. In general the cast is completely oblivious to the attraction he does feel; even Charlotte, who wonders about something in that quarter, ends up doubting her own suspicions and wonders if he's just very absent-minded.
The novel emphasizes that he is physically attractive, but it goes to pains to distinguish this from Wickham's sex appeal or the charisma of a Bingley or Fitzwilliam. Mr Bennet (as mentioned above) seems to have assumed Darcy is functionally asexual, insofar as he has a concept of that. Most of the fandom-beloved moments in which Darcy is framed as highly sexual, or where he himself is sexualized for the audience, are very significantly changed in adaptation or just invented altogether for the adaptations they appear in. Darcy watching Elizabeth after his bath in the 1995 is invented for that version, him snapping at Elizabeth in their debates out of UST is a persistent change from his smiling banter with her in the book, the fencing to purge his feelings is invented, the pond swim/wet shirt is invented. In the 2005 P&P, the instant reaction to Elizabeth is invented, the hand flex of repressed passion is invented, the Netherfield Ball dance as anything but an exercise in mutual frustration is invented, the near-kiss after the proposal in invented, etc. And in those as well, he's never presented as sexually predatory, not even as a "villain."
#self-indulgently long tangents even for me but i had Thoughts!#i almost appended a third footnote to the second footnote. rip#anghraine babbles#long post#fitzwilliam darcy#lady anne blogging#austen blogging#austen fanwank#ivory tower blogging#anghraine's meta#eighteenth century blogging#gender blogging#i do think it's interesting that associating his flaws with lady catherine's is honestly fair - she comes to wonder about this later#but lbr that is totally understandable! lady catherine is the awful parody version of him!#but the times when elizabeth's assumptions are highly inflected by Yes All Men Actually generalizations she's utterly wrong#it's not some horrible misdeed but it's not really fair#not because she's oppressing him (lmao) but because people don't work that way#not saying that p&p is some huge blow against gender essentialism but i do think it's FAR less friendly to it than its fans are
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“So? Whatever.”
pairing: dave lizewski x popular!fem!reader
summary: The preppy girl that just about everyone admires has more in common with Dave than he expects. He doesn’t quite know how to handle this information, but it excites him nonetheless.
word count: 2K
♡ LANDING PAGE♡
notes: I haven’t written something like this in a good while, so please bear with me if I’m rusty or there are some mistakes here and there. Reader is referred to with she/her pronouns, I tried to be as non descriptive as possible about her appearance. I do love writing a bit of a mean reader like this, but don’t worry, she’ll warm up to him. This fic takes place in senior year for age purposes, I’m pretty much fully ignoring the timeline of the film. Comments and/or requests are super welcome btw!! Hope you enjoy!! <3
(ps this will get a part two don’t worry xx)
To Dave, girls like you were unreachable. You could hear about them, you could listen to them talk in the hallways, sneak a glance their way… But talk to them? Any single one of their group would consider that social suicide. The only reason any of them even looked in his direction was to ask him to do their homework. So why in god’s name were you at his locker? Why were you acknowledging his existence at all?
“What’s that?” You leaned against the locker next to his, pointing at the piece of a comic book panel he’d taped to the door. It pictured Spider-man putting on his mask for the first time, something Dave looked to when he needed some motivation for the day.
He struggled to get basically any words out, still not fully registering that you’re within such close range. He could smell you… God that was really weird to think about, he felt like a creep already, but you just… Smelled really nice. Like vanilla, mixed with something sweet. He realized he hadn’t answered your question yet and was just staring in front of him like a weirdo. “O-Oh, yeah, that’s uh… That’s Spider-man. It’s this… This superhero I like.” He adjusted the strap of his backpack to keep his hands busy.
You smiled and rolled your eyes. “Duh, I know who Spider-man is, please.” You couldn’t help but think he was doing anything to avoid looking into your eyes, as if you’d turn him to stone if he dared to do so. Which, yes, was exactly how he felt.
“I wanted to know which comic that was from. The art style looks a lot different than the ones I’ve seen.” Now this part was pretty much making his teenage brain short circuit. He probably didn’t hear that right, there’s no way a popular girl like you read comics, right? This had to be some kind of elaborate joke, like you were trying to pull a prank on him by making him ramble about his favorite superheroes. However, he wasn’t close minded. Even if this was a prank, at least you were talking to him, right?
“Yeah, sorry, I uh… Forget he’s a pretty popular character sometimes. This one’s from a collector’s edition. One of the pages was kinda falling apart so I just… Taped my favorite panel to my locker.” Again, he tried to look anywhere else, but it felt rude not to be making eye contact with the person who’s trying to give you a chance at a conversation. His eyes met yours and he realised he hadn’t ever actually seen you up close like this. You were really pretty, he knew that, but he never noticed these particular things about you before. The way your hair framed your features so nicely, the little beauty mark that seemed to be somehow perfectly placed, or the way a dimple appeared on your right cheek when you smiled.
“Hopefully you didn’t pay too much for it, those things cost like, a fortune.” You followed, snapping him out of his haze as you twirled a piece of hair between your index and middle finger. Dave was much taller than you, so you had to look up to match his gaze, which was already hard since he kept avoiding your eyes. You never realized how much he’d matured since freshman year. He looked pretty cute… Really cute, actually.
“S-So, uhm, I really don‘t wanna be rude, but…” He closed his locker before looking at you with a rather awkward expression. “Why are you here? Why are you… talking to me?” Honestly, not an unjustified question. Dave was often the subject of bullying, and the popular girls clique made no exception to that rule. He doesn’t remember you specifically doing anything, although... He has a vague memory of you being in the car with those jocks when they threw spoiled milk at him.
“What? A girl can’t talk to her fellow classmate? This is a free country, you know.” You pretended to be a little hurt by his assumption that you were probably just here to make fun of him. In all honesty he was still a little dumbfounded by this whole ordeal, and the fact that half the people that passed you were giving you two weird looks really wasn’t helping. “You know I sit behind you in English, right?” He responds by nodding. He is painfully aware of this fact, as your friends had expressed their empathy for you when your seat was assigned behind him, though you honestly didn’t mind. And also the fact that he got a fair share of gossip from you and your best friend always whispering to each other. “Well,” you flipped a bit of hair over your shoulder. “I saw you had a copy of Birth of Venom in your backpack, and I... Wanted to ask if I could borrow it...” You looked to the side, muttering the last part. As much as you tried not to care what people thought, you did have a bit of a reputation that you were stuck to. Liking comics wasn’t for you, you were a cheerleader, you went to parties, you liked shopping. Okay, you secretly liked comics.
Dave looked at you with a puzzled expression. “I-I’m sorry, can you repeat tha--”
“Can I borrow your stupid comic or what?” You interrupted him, clearly looking a bit embarrassed.
“Oh!” His face was getting hot, this conversation was lasting way longer than he imagined it would. Usually he’d have his face shoved into his locker by now. “U-Uhm, sure! It’s a bit expensive, but... Well, just don’t damage it, please.” He took his backpack off his shoulder and was about to pull it out before you grabbed his arm.
“Not here you dumbass! Just, like... Ugh, meet me at my car after school’s over, you can hand it to me then.” You were acting like this was some kind of illegal drug deal, but this truly was something important to you. Your dad had already made it very clear that he didn’t want his little girl becoming some kind of tomboy and have her mind run rampant with superhero stories. Especially with this Kickass guy running around...
The bell rang and you silently thanked it for doing so. “Look, I gotta go. White Corvette, by the vending machines.” You walked past him, and a waft of that lovely vanilla scent hit his nose. He damn near melted into the floor when your arm brushed against his. “Later, Lizewksi.”
You leaned against the hood of your car, scrolling on your phone as you waited for the brunette to show up. You couldn’t help but feel a little guilty that you were just meeting him in secret like this. It’s not like you were embarrassed to be seen with him, or that you didn’t like him, it’s just that liking comics and superheroes was just about the dorkiest thing anyone could be into. Especially with Kickass running around, and, well, kicking ass, people would probably be thinking you’d be into this whole vigilante business yourself. Sure, you thought it was cool that people were doing something about all the crime, but you’d rather die than mess up your hair beating some thug’s ass.
You noticed someone approaching and noticed that Dave wasn’t alone. With a bit of a disgusted expression, you gestured to his two sidekicks. “I don’t remember inviting the entire geek entourage to come see me. This isn’t some kinda meet and greet, you know.” Todd and Marty seemed, just like Dave before, a little shocked that you were talking to them.
“S-Sorry, they just uh...” Dave began.
“We didn’t believe him.” Todd followed.
“...believe what?” You questioned, crossing your arms.
“That a chick like you was into comics.” Marty said, before Todd smacked him on the back of the head. “Dude! Don’t say it like that!”
You got a bit flustered, and looked at Dave. “You told them!? What the fuck, Lizewski?”
“I-I’m sorry!” He held up his hands. “They were asking me what we were talking about, and... I panicked.” They were more so insinuating that he was flirting with her, and he didn’t want that rumor going around, in case your jock brother caught wind of that and beat his ass for flirting with his sister.
You sighed, looking down and pinching the bridge of your nose before waving your hand out in a dismissive manner. “It’s... whatever, just leave. Before I change my mind and throw a bitch fit.” His two friends gave him a suggestive look before heading out. “Those two better not snitch or I’ll cut off their shrimps.” He nodded, just a little intimidated by the threat.
He got out his backpack and handed you the comic. “I’m still surprised I uh... I never knew you were into this stuff.” His breath hitched in his throat when your finger brushed over his as you took it from him. You flipped through it, keeping your eyes on the pages.
“Yeah, well... There’s a lot you don’t know about me, as much as I’m sure you guys love to assume.” You realized you hadn’t even told him your name, so you looked up at him and held out your hand, introducing yourself. You know, out of courtesy.
“I-I know your name, but uhm... I’m Dave.” Your hand felt so soft, your beautifully manicured fingers being a real juxtaposition to his. His hand was much bigger and rougher than yours. You wondered why his hand was so calloused anyways... He didn’t look like he did many sports.
“Wait... Your name isn’t Lizewski?” You chuckled. “Christ, my bad... I always thought that was just your first name.” Your feeling of guilt for the boy before you flared up a bit again. He was being really nice to you, offering you something personal of his that he probably spent a pretty penny on. And you didn’t even know his actual name before. No wonder some people thought you were a bit of a bitch, you thought to yourself.
“Hey, uhm... I know you got a bunch of these, and my dad would kill me if he knew I was reading them. He hates vigilantes, and he thinks reading comics will get me into the whole thing. Stupid, I know, but... He takes it surprisingly seriously.” You put the comic away carefully. “So I have a proposition for you.”
His eyebrows rose a little. A proposition, alright. No big deal. Could be literally anything though.
“Come to my house this Saturday, bring a bunch of these, and I’ll tell my dad you’re coming to tutor me for physics or something.” You tilted your head a little, your locks falling gently over your shoulders. “I’ll pay you. Money’s not a problem. It’ll be like I’m renting them from you.”
He thought for a second, but in all honesty... How was this not a total win/win situation? He got to be in a pretty girl’s room, read comics with her, talk about them and make money. What kind of idiot would say no to that? “Yeah! Sounds good to me, uh... What do you want me to...” His words trailed off as you pulled out a pen and reached for his hand, writing a string of numbers on the back of it.
“I’ll text you the address, and which series I like. I’ll let you do the picking. Oh, and Dave?”
“Y-Yeah?” He felt like his heart was going to beat right out of his chest. This is the closest you’ve ever stood to him.
Your grip on his hand tightens, and you look up at him with a death stare. “Not a word to anyone about this.” You followed with a cutesy smile. “Alrighty?” You let go of his hand and put your stuff away before pulling out your car keys.
Dave stands frozen in place, a faint blush already spread across his cheeks. He swore you were going to be the death of him. He looked down for a second and realized that what you wrote down wasn’t just some random numbers. It was your phone number. It all just suddenly felt very real to him, he’d never gotten a girl’s number before. And you were just about the last person he’d expect it from too.
You got in your car and turned on your engine. “See ya on Saturday, Lizewski! Don’t be late or I’ll kill you!” You smile, before driving off at a totally normal and acceptable speed.
He gave a nervous wave before he looked back down at his hand. There was a little heart scribbled behind the phone number. It probably meant nothing.
But boy did it make his heart flutter.
#aster writes#dave lizewski x reader#dave lizewski x fem!reader#kickass x reader#kickass x fem!reader#kickass#kickass 2#aaron taylor johnson#atj#aaron taylor johnson fic#kickass fic#dave lizewski fic#I think that's all the necessary tags lol#SO SORRY IF THIS IS ASS#THIS WAS TOTALLY SELF INDULGENT#my atj phase has been reactivated once more...#anyways thoughts are most welcome#and asks / requests too!!!#davemath#aster writes kickass
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red scout blu scout
the gays and the gays
(booty shorts scout for the win)
#scout posting#(totally not self-indulgent at all!)#do the pics look weird? are they overexposed? serious questions cause idk at this point my eyes no longer wish to cooperate~#i was trying to add colour to my paper sketches aaand idk how i feel about it.....~#and yes i only know one pose skdjsk#tf2 scout#femscout#fem scout#red scout#blu scout#tf2 fanart#tf2#artists on tumblr#my art#also i realise this blu scout looks very much like quazies' blu scout so credit to them!
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Without ever touching his skin,
how can I be Guilty As Sin?
#this is so. so. so incredibly self indulgent#I know this is out of character and he’s NEVER wear that and he’d NEVER yearn like this I know. suspend your disbelief#I get too lost in the music that’s my justification#total drama#total drama noah#td noah#total drama cody#td cody#cody anderson#noco#total drama noco#td noco#Starry makes art#you’ll get a finished drawing later I promise. for now this is all I’ve got
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You were settled between your boyfriend's thighs with his cock in your mouth while he played games on his computer. Whenever he lost a round, you could hear him shouting at his teammates before muting himself and tangling his hand in the back of your hair as he began fucking your mouth. Whenever you were bored, you would just start slowly bobbing your head while he played, and he couldn’t do a single thing about it until the round was over. However, when the round did end, he would force your mouth all the way to the base of his cock and hold you there while you choked and gagged.
If he was just talking with his friends before a round, strategizing or just catching up, his hand would be holding your hair and moving you up and down his cock, occasionally pausing when he needed to think.
His friends always knew what was happening, not because Xiao forgot to mute himself once or because he was bad at suppressing his moans, but because he told them. Well, realistically, he bragged about it. All of his friends were single, so naturally, they were already jealous of his sweet, pretty, bimbo of a girlfriend. So when he told them about how you ‘give him support’ during games, they all wanted to see so badly.
The first time they had lost a round due to Xiao being distracted by you, despite him telling you not to move while he was actively playing, he switched the call to his phone and flipped the camera so his friends could watch him fuck your face. They were all definitely jerking off to the sight of you in your underwear with makeup running down your face as Xiao fucked you until he came on your face.
Unfortunately, at least one of his friends knew how to record people’s screens, so by this point, they all had multiple videos of you getting face fucked and came on.
Xiao hadn’t asked the first time he had shown you off to the boys, but, thankfully for Xiao, you told him you didn’t mind. Because of course you didn’t mind, you were perfect. You told him that as long as they didn’t show videos of you to anyone, you would be okay with it. And they didn’t share the videos with anyone outside of his little friend group. They even kept the videos saved on discord, not in their phones. They had a special channel just for you.
His friends were baffled with how Xiao had managed to land you. You were beautiful, supposedly smart, and were willing to do basically anything he wanted you to. Xiao was so happy that you had, as he put it, settled for him, because he knew what he was like. He had anger issues, whenever he got really into a new game, you had to fight him to get him to shower, and he was always wanting to fuck you and show you off. But really, you didn’t see it as settling at all. You genuinely liked him, and you didn’t get why he practically refused to understand that.
His refusal that you actually liked him for him did actually work in Xiao’s favour, whether he knew it or not. It made you want to do anything he wanted, in the hopes that he would realize how much you like him.
But you loved him, and you loved when he asked you to come over to his apartment to give him ‘support’ while he played his games.
Tag List: @lilia-sspouse @but-a-peach @stannazuna @yourlocal-bunny @lordbugs @randomlycockroach @licensedsimp @leena-shi @cesimaaa @welpthisisfine @dainself-when-playable @fic-rebloga @bubblyxdolly @wanderin-stories @iwysbellez @k4ze3e @kenmabfasf
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#mae’s column🍵*•̊ⴰ✧#mae.melts🧊*•̊ⴰ✧#xiao.❣︎•*✧ ̊ⴰ#this took so long for me to get to but i love him and i think it’s definitely something#this totally wasn’t self indulgent at all i don’t know what you’re talking about#xiao x reader#xiao x you#xiao smut#genshin smut#genshin x reader#genshin x you#female reader
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if you are genuinely out there claiming that gale "succeeded" in everything he "wanted" by becoming a god and that's why it's a good ending for him, you truly are a testament to the slow and steady death of media literacy congrats lmao
#the entire boat scene in act iii beats you over the head that this is#perceived lack of self-worth and helplessness in the face of death and loss of faith#and indulging him in this is indulging means indulging his first impulse and instinct in response to#the first lifeline he sees for himself in years#unless you can be his lifeline instead#as a friend and as a lover#but that's all okay#it's totally okay for him to sacrifice everything including himself in a bid for power#because he still loves your tav sooo much when he ascends right#he loves them so much he couldn't contact them in six month to let them know he survived ascension lmao#jfc larian really crossed some wires bc the cutscene is pretty i can't#also if your bar for a happy ending for a character is if your tav gets a hug and some kissies while some nice music plays#then maybe you should be careful throwing words around like 'narrow-minded' and 'black/white' lol#ch: gale dekarios#vg: baldur's gate 3#series: baldur's gate#text: personal#fandom critical#tbd
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I am begging on my knees that Tumblr posts this. It has no audio but I cannot send it from my computer to phone and I want it archived lmao-
#spotatalk#Timeless Gaster#gaster oc#tw flashing lights#tw flashing#speedpaint#utmv#Finally designed Timeless in a way that I like but the gods will not let me share the magical process of designing him smh-#Timeless is such a goofy guy and I loved playing with his expressions! Got listening to a pkmn video that kinda put me into a trance>#He survives all the normal Easter Tragedies (tm) and goes on to help Asgore after the death of Asriel and the queen and king splitting#And by help I do mean that his cringe rizz rubs off on Asgore and they totally get together.#Omg the tag before this says easter. I hate my computer's auto-correct. Gaster. I meant Gaster#Anywho#Timeless ends up making Sans (hand plates style) and then finds a way to revive Asriel from his dust and a bit of Determination left over#from Chara plus a bit of Angora's magic as a base#And so Gaster is the father to Asriel and Sans and later Papyrus and is also the unofficial other king of the underground and is in a super#domestic relationship with Asgore#He is very very self-indulgent hehe
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Two big softies(?) (Patreon)
#Doodles#Handplates#UT#Fellplates#Gaster#Flowey#Flowey is still my favourite UT character so honestly a lot of this was just self-indulgent doodles lol#But then - as always - it did turn into Thinking A Lot about [thing] lol#Starting with the classic tho! Flowey friendly-like coiled around whoever he's talking to ♪ It's too fun hehe#I love Flowey getting just a liiiiittle too close and personal to a discomfort degree ♫ He's just being friendly! It's a hug! A snuggle!#He's your best friend so you don't mind right? :) Why would Fellplates!Gaster mind ♪#He's always posed to stage right when I draw him haha - I'm still fond of the one Gravity Falls/Undertale crossover piece I made with him#Anyhow lol - yet more fluffy wings! It's just fun if they're expressive I want real feathers lol#Gaster's face completely neutral but his wings all puffed up and freaked out hehe#Flowey would definitely be able to tell if those are when he chose to wrap around!#If they were just the decorative version he'd fall right off from his own weight pulling them loose lol#Absolutely thinking of the one of Gaster screaming while being vine-wrapped by Flowey haha - he's totally innocent here! ♥#And then a little idea of how each of them react to humans - UkaGaster talks a lot about his general positive feelings for humans#And Fell!Flowey is.....well I have my own thoughts about how he might react to humans now that he's been...himself for a while#There have been Fallen Humans in the time between being locked in the Underground and [now] even in Underfell hasn't there?#I guess none of them would've made it as far as meeting up with Gaster - bit of a dark thought heh - but Flowey would know#Is it selfish? To wish for humans or to keep them a secret from the rest of the Underground? What might happen?#It's interesting to think about! If there were humans then surely Gaster must be aware of the Souls?#But even if not - even if this could be before all that - Flowey would still know about human Determination to an extent - being what he is#It wouldn't turn out well for anyone :) That's what makes it interesting ♪
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✨𝒅𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒎𝒆𝒓𝒔🌠
#cyberpunk 2077#cyberpunk spoilers#cyberpunk phantom liberty#cyberpunk photomode#my screenshots#cyberpunk v#oc: vice de'angelo#songbird#song so mi#obviously this is not canon! it's totally self-indulgent okay lemme live lmao#found these going through some of my older stuff - took these a month or so ago - and broke my own heart all over again#i have a pretty extensive almost-but-not-quite fix-it that i'm still hashing out details for but it's not all sad and it's not all happy#because every one of my characters has to fight for their happiness (sometimes they have to fight ME 😭😭) but Vice is READY & SQUARED UP#HE'LL GO A THOUSAND ROUNDS FOR THIS WOMAN#AND THEN JUMP BACK IN THE RING ONE MORE TIME FOR GOOD MEASURE 😤
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roadtrip drawings yay <3
#i think we drove for a total or 16 hours? i had a lot of time lol#pc#precure#precure all stars f#cure supreme#cure puka#prim#puka#i have a lot of self indulgent au stuff lined up so here some normal stuff for now <3
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thank you bg3 modding community for my life else i would never have gotten to kiss jaheira with the older butch dwarf i made for exactly that purpose
#bg3#saint marigold#theajaheira#jaheira#althea march#trying very hard to get back into the habit of being just totally self indulgent on tumblr again.#i think this may be hitting a new level#they're truly all that's happening in my head these days. it's quite the way to live
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this tree from my new drawing looking goated afffffff 👑👑
#yes this is a nel/vas drawing get off me😂#text#i wanted everyone to see it but also since i draw on paper in total silence i think a lot about everything so i wanted to voice some -#- thoughts too's. tbh i've been veeery self indulgent lately#actually i'm happy that n*lv*s is getting actual hits out of me that i like looking at#especially on-paper stuff that i can recall being fun for me to draw. all traditional art is fun to draw#and digital has turned into an actual task for me (only sometimes tho maybe i;m lying.. mspaint we're still bffs)#i think i just don't see the joy in trying to scrap up a ''' finished ''' piece in an art program .. pencil i love you and i love the -#- feeling of it scratching along the paper....sigh............ Rabu#i don't want my blog or thoughts to turn into traditional art suck-off ventures bc ik not everyone can get into it for many possible -#- reasons but if u feel like it U can ok? do it for Pencil✏️ and for me? for silusvesuius? 𝖎 𝖜𝖎𝖑𝖑 𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖙𝖊𝖈𝖙 𝖞𝖔𝖚#but Lord i hope i don't also come off as one of those people that r like 'to improve in art just draw that one fictional character u -#- rly like 😂😂' bruh gtfo my face with that.#i'm noticing 'improvement' in my stuff mainly...i think... because i'm always striving to impress#not so much other people that are here just for my art but more so myself#i have a very huge ego (Mind Battle)#also it makes me sad to think about how big egos or genuine (not obnoxious) flauntiness are looked down on#and i can tell bc i used to look down on people that would express the things i'm expressing now#especially in art focused spaces. now i'd rather be in a circle of artists that love to J*rk off their own brain for it's ideas -#-and talent than be w/ very self-conscious artists that are never expressing pride about any of their work#worse if it's to the point where they actively start to fish for compliments bc of it#fishing for compliments is always OK i just wish it didn't stem from insecurity in that context if that makes sense#but maybe that's very easy for me to say and admit bc i did develop a very big ego around my art and ... Creativity? like it's a sims skill#not that i still don't seek out 'attention' or compliments from others to soothe myself but hmmmmmm i hope u feel me.#it just turns me into a very competitive person#who am i competing with? Myself#i'm always in 'you can do better Because you're YOU' mode#which is much better i believe than comparing yourself 2 other artists#i don't think a lot of people read my tag ramblings but if u do i wonder how one feels about a very pompous artist#like me .......(?)
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euh... awoga (translation: in need of my emotional support dog)
#hijacking the school's ipad to draw lukeypookie#kinda a study/self indulgent thing. no i'm totally not avoiding my assignments#I'VE BEEN SICK AND MISERABLE AND SICK#HAVE I MENTIONED MISERABLE???#it's supposed to be recess week#BUT IS IT REALLY???#WHY ARE ALL MY SUBMISSIONS DURING RECESS. THE SCHOOL HATES ME#anyways.#luke pearce#tears of themis#art#artist#fanart#sketch#tears of themis fanart#digital art
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I caved.....
THIS IS THE ONLY TEASERS Y'ALL GET THOUGH! AFTERWARD, I'M GONNA GET EVERYTHING TOGETHER AND SURPRISE YOU GUYS WITH WHAT'S GONNA COME
We'll see how long I hold that promise before showing more teasers
For now, simply enjoy these two idiots. the asshole with Macaque is my OC Zhixiu (pronounced jee-show), the half-snake demon, half-heaven blessed human who bears unnatural luck. Doesn't care what pronouns you use, but usually goes by they/them to save confusion (most of the time).
Their quote: "I am whatever gender best inconveniences you."
As well as a couple doodles of both Zhixiu and Macaque~
I love them............. i will cry........
#not writing#my art#lego monkie kid#lego monkie kid oc#lmk oc#lmk oc x canon#teehees with malicious intent#i'll post these on the official blog meant for these two later#for now i'll simply post them here#WOW JEE I WONDER WHAT THE SURPRISE IS IT'S SUCH A MYSTERY#totally not self indulgent at all#i'm not sorry
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stricken with the sudden urge to write a dumb urban fantasy book with a mermaid/human/vampire love triangle
#One of those just for funnsies totally self indulgent paranormal romance novels probably titled Full Moon High Tide or smthn#And lemme tell ya it’s gotta be a true triangle y’know immense tension on all sides#And u can bet ur ass it’s gonna b resolved with polyamory#monster lover#monster romance#vampire#mermaid
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tell me about the Jon Isolation AU!
This ask carried me through microeconomics homework, econometrics lab, microeconomics class, econometrics class, AND worries about Big Future Assignments! So thank you very much <3
This is a fun one cause I actually have the first draft of the first part written!! It's basically a version of one of my favorite personal Jon plotlines where he moves into the Archives and has no social support system. Desperately in need of a rewrite to sand away the rough edges tho lmao.
Alright I won't lie: this AU was born when I was thinking about creating an Archivist, and why it wouldn't work if you just stuck someone in a room, made them read a bunch of statements, and then dropped 14 marks on them (because that would be much easier, faster, and more efficient than what happened in the podcast, but that's not what Elias did). And then I (world's most normal Jon enjoyer) thought about Elias doing that to Jon. And then, I (and I cannot stress this enough: world's MOST NORMAL Jon enjoyer) started thinking about. The most reasonable. Effective. Low-effort. Jon kidnapping plot. And then I wrote about 5k words. And then I left those to languish in the WIP folder, just like Elias leaving Jon to languish in the basement Archives.
In hindsight, it's also a spiritual precursor to my vampire JE fics. Like. Same basic setup.
Huh.
(Believe it or not I'm actually even more of a freak about Jon NOW.)
Just to be clear, warning for:
Unhealthy relationships (I mean it's JE lmao)
Dubcon captivity?? I guess?? Like Jon agrees but Elias manipulates the scenario and Jon is. Not super happy about the situation.
Anyway the plotline is: Gertrude is missing (how mysterious and worrying!) and Elias needs himself a "temporary" Archivist to take care of the Archives until either she returns or until it becomes clear that he needs an official replacement. Jon is a very hardworking institute employee with a dedication to research and a knack for organization (autism requires everything be Sorted). Elias (who only wants to help Jon realize his full potential and has no ulterior motives whatsoever) decides that to promote him to the position. For career development reasons!
Jon:
Wants to prove that they are an asset to the institute and that they are up for the task.
Is hoping they can maybe be promoted to Head Archivist? Like Elias implied might happen if they did a good job?
Maybe. Possibly. Potentially. Fancies Elias a tiny bit.
Would appreciate the opportunity to do his own research on the statements there without their supervisor asking why they're so invested in statements involving Lietners and spiders.
Hypothetically wants Elias to praise them and validate them and respect them and profess his undying love for them make them employee of the month.
So. Obviously. They agree.
The thing is, it's only temporary, and Elias doesn't want to disrupt the other departments too much, you see, and surely Jon can handle a little tidying all by themselves? And obviously Jon can't say no to that! Haven't they always sort of wanted to not have to deal with annoying coworkers constantly chattering and bothering them and demanding their attention? Haven't they always wanted to work by themselves and be responsible for their own tasks? And Elias makes it sound like such an inconvenience to hire additional hands. Besides, Gerturde managed just fine without. Surely they can do this by themselves. Surely it will be fine.
It goes from there. The Archives are, obviously, a much bigger disaster than Elias had let on. But Elias expects Jon to handle it and handle it they shall. They just need to work harder. Come in early. Stay late. Miss lunch, sometimes. Work while they eat. It will be fine. What would Elias think if they asked for help? If they essentially admitted that they couldn't live up to his expectations? And other people would disrupt their ability to work. Might ask questions about any areas of interest they try to focus on.
They come in earlier and earlier. They stay later and later. Elias stops by occasionally to congratulate them on what a good job they're doing. To commend them on their dedication. So they have to keep it up. Can't slack off. They had friends before, sort of. Tim and Sasha were nice to talk to occasionally. But now Jon doesn't work near them, can't talk to them as much. Doesn't have time to get drinks with them after work, doesn't have the energy to answer their increasingly sporadic texts. Jon doesn't speak to much of anyone these days. It's fine though. It's fine it's fine it's fine.
There's something about the quiet stillness of the Archives. The echoing silence of the rest of the institute in those few moments Jon spends there in those long, lonely halls (not lifeless, per se, but lonely). There's some deep ache inside of them. It feels almost hollow, but it feels like home, too.
Elias is there, sometimes. To tell Jon how proud he is, how well they're doing. He likes to show up in the moments when Jon's thinking about leaving, maybe to eat in the cafeteria, maybe to stop by Sasha's desk... but that's probably paranoia. How would he know?
Every night, it feels so difficult to leave. Every night, Jon worries that Gertrude will come back and take the job from them, that Elias will find a replacement, that they'll lose their Archives. It's ridiculous, they know it, but it doesn't change the impulse to stay as long as possible. To prove to Elias that this is where they belong. It is an itch deep in their soul.
They think someone might be going through their desk. Something is watching them. It doesn't feel safe, leaving the Archives unattended over night.
(The Archives need an Archivist. The vacuum needs to be filled, and there is a perfect candidate right here, visiting them every day. Of course Jon is feeling the pull.)
And then it's been months, and Gertrude just hasn't been found, and Jon's done such a very good job, and it would be much easier if Jon would just... continue what they were doing? And if they think the work might be too much they can always ask for assistants, of course.
The itching in their soul soothes when they sign the contract. They try not to think about it.
Aaaaand that's about it as far as detailed plot goes. I do have some ideas for later on that are less well defined?
On the angstier side of things:
Things get easier when Jon is made Archivist officially. He feels more comfortable leaving at night, but he still spends a lot of time there. So many secrets, so little time.
He's paranoid. He knows something is up, that he might be in danger, that he's being watched... he can't involve anyone else. Not if he can't trust them, not if they might be in danger too.
Some of it is also the wearing effect of isolation. It's very easy to see other people as a threat or disturbance or unknown variable if you spend so much time alone.
He's looking into Gertrude's disappearance too. What did she know? What happened to her? Is he in danger too?
He can't trust Elias. He knows it. And it's so stupid that he's still maybe in love with him, just a bit.
Months pass. Relationships have surely withered and atrophied from Jon's absence. He still spends some time at his flat, but it's the Archives that feel like home.
And then, one night, the shadows in his flat come alive. Reaching ink-slick hands out to grasp him and pull him in.
It follows him. Shadows reaching with a dozen hungry hands as he races for the institute. Out of walls, street posts, parked cars. One catches on his side, and the flesh tears like paper.
It was midnight when he left. It was almost daybreak when he arrived at the Archives. He knows he's safe as soon as he crosses the threshold.
From there, I'm not sure what happens next. Tempted to say Elias was there waiting for him (I think the formatting maybe implies more continuity than there is there, how much Jon knows by the time he has to leave his flat behind is... debatable). Maybe Elias comes in to visit him and pretends to be shocked and worried about all the very unexpected blood. Maybe Jon has to phone him, begging for help because he can't go to the hospital (he knows it'll come back, the next time he's left alone in the dark), and really, who else does he have that will believe him?
Elias stays with him, tends to his injuries, spends his nights in the Archives with Jon. It's Jon who begs to stay in the Archives. Who needs the safety. The surety. Maybe Elias suggests that he stay there forever. Maybe he doesn't have to.
On the much goofier side of things: I do have an idea of them (once Jon is healed) going to Ikea to pick out some furniture. I'm thinking maybe Jon would know about the Eye, just for some fun bickering over picking out furniture or assembling a dresser or whatever. Idk, I just really like the idea of JE making the Archives into a cozy little home for Jon, somewhere he can comfortably live forever <3.
Jon has a lot of complicated feelings about the Archives and living in them and being the Archivist. Maybe he even tries to leave and go back to living a normal life. Maybe the reaching shadows break that idea for him forever. Either way, one way or another, he will learn that there is no point and there is no freedom in trying.
Despite this AU's beginnings, I don't know if Elias is working towards some big ritual. Maybe he just wants a perfect Archivist to keep in his basement forever.
And. I mean. Can you really blame him??
Not sure if JE ever become like. Official Romantic Partners. But Jon is Elias' Archivist and Elias is Jon's Watcher and that's kind of the same thing, really.
(Maybe they can have some sort of binding ritual ceremony at some point. As a Treat.)
Okay that's. God this has been a bit of a ramble, huh? Anyway I hoped you enjoyed hearing about this AU. I did get excited to take another crack at it while writing this! At the same time, however, I recently saw a post about Love that annoyed me a bit and which has made me think about the Subway Monster AU (and how those two concepts are connected is a WHOLE other story lmao) so we'll see which I end up doing (the answer might be neither for a while. I have. Big Graduation Responsibility due Oct. 1st). But yeah anyway thank you again for the ask! It was fun rambling, and actually really nice to sit down and Think about my AU lol.
#can i. can i get away with not putting this in the jon/elias tag??#please i'm so shy.#and this is so long and self indulgent.#anyway yeah#jon isolation au#man this is a fun one. i just want to put this guy in the isolation chamber!#i just want to take away all his friends until he has no one but him manipulative morally dubious crush!!#it's his natural habitat and he needs it#also fun fact this au is a he/they jon au#because Projection#but yeah. i think jon could work as an avatar of the lonely.#but he'd also be a perfect victim of it#(which is one of the reasons i love jon/peter so much btw)#i didn't really get as much into the captivity aspect as planned. and tbh i'm not sure how much it counts?#but basically elias' plan was:#make jon unofficial head archivist. let the institute's need for an archivist pull him in.#step in when he tries to reaffirm what few threadbare connections he has but do so subtly.#become his only remaining connection.#through both words and actions create the expectation that jon can manage the archives on his own.#heavily imply disappointment in the slowed progress if jon goes too many days in a row entering and exiting at a reasonable hour.#get him used to coming in too early and leaving too late to see anyone#wait until he is totally cut off from others. until you can be sure he would not ask for assistants. before officially promoting him.#he has to choose isolation. he has to choose the decay of his relationships. he has to choose loneliness. he has to choose the Archives#eventually when he moves in everyone will assume the reclusive antisocial workaholic is being a reclusive antisocial workaholic#and that's why they never see him anymore.#almost nobody has any reason to enter the archives if they aren't a statement giver and jon HATES being disturbed.#so they learn not to bother him. eventually he will stop being a person#he will be a distant figure. a rumor. forgotten except for lunchtime chatter and spooky stories at the pub after work.#he will only truly exist to elias.#and that's how you kidnap an archivist to be marked 14 times.
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