#(the mortifying ordeal of letting someone in probably)

[pinayelf]

lmao I already have a modern au for biyavrin (in case the ending is sad and I need a happy universe lol)

biyaya is a preschool teacher and the principal of the school seems to have it out for her. her senior, strife, tends to get frustrated at her emotion-driven solutions to things

her best friend and roommate is bellara, who is an arcane scientist (thedas version of physics). her methods are deemed too out of left field by her peers and things are tense in her work too

so the gals are not doing too well lmao

biyaya wants to quit but she loves her students too much. on career day, the principal chews her out for something that isn't her fault. she has a mental breakdown (lmao 😔) in the faculty room

and just as she comes out, she walks into (like LITERALLY walks into because she's not looking at where she's going) Davrin, a volunteer firefighter, who's there for career day. he's also a zoologist (for griffons), but the principal thought the zoologist part would be too "boring"

he's HANDSOME AS HELL and she just embarrassed herself with her puffy eyes lmao

so that's the meet cute

[xechu]

From Worst to Hell (Pt. 2)

cw: suggestive themes, 18+ mdni, please read my blog rules before interacting, mature themes, swearing, light mentions of weed and alcohol.

wc: 3.3K

summary: you call your ex-boyfriend in a drunk and sobbing state. What's the worst that can happen?

a/n: Hope you enjoy!!! This was a little sweet treat for me to write. Thank you for reading. x

Master List ♥ Part 1 - Part 3 (To be continued)

This wasn't how your night was supposed to turn out. Yet, here you were, in the arms of your ex-lover, and the contents of your stomach were all over him (and a bit on yourself). You were beyond mortified and, unfortunately, completely sobered up. Yes, you wished you were still drunk out of your mind because the reality of the situation now came crashing down on you, and you wanted nothing more than for the ground to swallow you whole.

The expression on Sukuna's face was unreadable as his brows furrowed and his eyes searched for yours. He was probably beyond disgusted with you. Heck, you were disgusted with yourself.

"Feeling better now?" He let out an exhausted sigh, which you couldn't blame him for. But otherwise, he was calm—a little too calm given what had just transpired.

You nodded.

The elevator dinged, and the doors slid open, breaking the tension.

"I can stand," you said quietly, as he gently let you on your bare feet, making sure you could actually balance on your own before fully letting go. Thankfully, the cab was empty, so no one was there to witness this shambolic ordeal.

"I-I'm so sorry," your voice rasped from the acidity in your throat. Your eyes brimming with tears for many reasons. First, you managed to completely embarrass yourself in front of your ex. Second, you could now recall admitting that you still loved him and you were quite certain he heard it loud and clear. But above all, now that you were sober, it felt like you were truly seeing him again for the first time since the breakup.

"That's alright," he said, a small smirk playing at the corner of his lips. He pressed the button to the 21st floor with your keys still in his hand—the key charm, something he had bought you from Loewe, jingled with his movement.

The way he pushed the button and played with your keys, while still holding your heels in his other hand, looked so natural, it was as if nothing had happened between the two of you. You hated how he had been so nonchalant this entire time, meanwhile, you were an utter disaster.

Why couldn't he be this calm when you were telling him how worried you were? Instead, he exploded like a volcano and then walked out on you.

As you were absorbed with the inner conversations you were having with yourself, you completely missed how Sukuna nearly snaked his hand around your hips. It was something he had always done while the two of you waited in the elevator, an instinctive habit.

Fuck. Sukuna knew he really blew it this time, but he desperately wanted you to take him back. His head was spinning and no, it wasn't from the weed.

---

You quickly scrambled to find an extra towel in your bedroom as soon as you entered your apartment. Sukuna slowly trailed behind you, making sure that he was at least five steps behind.

"You should get cleaned up first," you called out from your room, "I'll get you a towel."

He stood in the living room, taking a glance around the apartment, noting how everything was pretty much the same. Was it wrong for him to feel a sense of relief that you hadn't moved on yet? Then again, it had only been three weeks—only he was pathetic enough to crawl into someone else's arms within that span of time.

You dug up a fresh guest towel in your closet and placed it on the bathroom counter. As you stood in the doorway, you gestured for him to go into the bathroom. You looked at his puke-covered T-shirt, the guilt and embarrassment gnawing inside you.

"I don't—" he was about to say something, but you grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him into the bathroom. Before Sukuna could further protest, you slammed the door shut, leaving him totally stunned.

"Just throw your clothes in the wash," you yelled from the other side of the door.

Hearing the shower running in the background, you paced back and forth in your room, your heart racing at the familiar domestic scene.

It hurt. Everything felt like it was back to the way it was, and deep down, the raw laughable truth was that you wanted it to go back to the way things were. You meant it when you said you still loved him, but it was...exhausting.

You had always understood that Sukuna was not easy to love, and he never hid that fact from you—but he tried his best, for the most part, except for one part that mattered a whole lot.

When things were good between the two of you, they were good, which is why you couldn't bring yourself to believe how things could also go so terribly wrong.

If only he could understand, if only he could stop being so damn stubborn, if only you could—

Get a hold of yourself.

You snapped out of your thoughts and straightened your posture when you heard the bathroom door click open. To your absolute horror, Sukuna emerged from the misty bathroom with just a towel wrapped around his waist. The towel hung sinfully low, as if it were about to fall off any second—you swore he was doing it on purpose.

"W-why don't you have clothes on?!" you shrieked.

"I don't live here anymore, remember?" He ruffled his damp hair, as water droplets fell onto his bare skin.

You looked at him, momentarily dumbfounded.

He sighed, "...I don't have clothes?"

Oh...

OH.

That's right.

How could you have forgotten?

You frantically rummaged through the closet in hopes of finding something, anything. Jin and Kaori also moved out from the 29th floor last week, so that was no longer an option. The two of them, along with Yuji, bid their farewell to you. The sweet boy insisted on taking a Polaroid picture with you—of course, you could never deny his request.

Your mind drifted to the memory of Yuji, Jin, and Kaori's farewell last week.

"Where's Uncle Kuna?" Yuji asked.

You bit inside your bottom lip; from the looks of it, none of them were aware that you and Sukuna had broken up.

"Oh, he's out right now with some friends," you lied, "I'll tell him you said hi."

"Okay," he grinned, "you will visit me, right?"

"O-of course."

"Promise?"

"Yeah, promise."

The thought of lying to the innocent boy made your heart shatter into a million pieces.

"Bye, Y/N, I love you," Yuji pecked your cheek, garnering a small chuckle from Jin and Kaori.

"I love you too, sweetheart," you forced a smile.

Snapping back to the present, you looked back at Sukuna, who was casually leaning by the doorframe with his arms crossed.

"I forgot that I, um, packed all your stuff," you cleared your throat.

"At least my toothbrush is still in the bathroom," he mused.

You wanted to scream. Of course, the only thing you didn't ship back to him was the least helpful thing in this dangerous situation.

You gave him a dismissive hum, whipping your head back to avoid looking at him for too long because God forbid you stare at him any longer, you might just end up doing something stupid.

"The wash is going to take a while," you said as you shuffled through your closet for a spare pillow and blanket, "is it okay if you take the living room tonight?"

"Yeah, that's fine," he agreed almost too quickly.

Sukuna watched you for a brief moment as you struggled to find what you needed. It felt bittersweet; on one hand, he was here with you again, on the other, circumstances were…very different. The wall between the two of you was painful, though he shouldn't have expected anything else.

"Top-right," he finally said.

"Right," you muttered, grabbing the sheets down.

You awkwardly hugged the other side of the doorframe as you squeezed past him, trying your best to avoid any sort of physical contact.

"You could put on Netflix if you can't sleep yet. Oh—and help yourself to anything in the kitchen," you said, walking over to the couch and setting the sheets and pillow down.

"Mm, thanks," he nodded, but the sting in his chest was hard to ignore.

"By the way," you said quietly as you turned to him, still somewhat averting his gaze, "thank you for bringing me back home. And I'm sorry again, that I—you know."

"It's no big deal, don't be a stranger," he said, but you had no idea how much he meant it.

You forced a tiny smile before heading to the bathroom. At least under the shower, you could finally let all your tears out.

---

Sukuna took a look around your place as he heard the shower running. Netflix was quietly playing in the background, but he wasn't actually watching it; he just wanted to hear the familiar sounds again. It felt like he was right back at home, aside from the fact that his belongings no longer occupied the space—well, at least most of them. He didn't want to get ahead of himself when he saw his toothbrush still sitting on the bathroom counter, but also, who 'forgets' to throw out a toothbrush that doesn't belong to them?

The fridge magnets from all your travels were still there, a memory of some of the best times during your relationship. He went to open the fridge and found that his favorite beer still sat there but decided against drinking right now and opted for a bottle of water instead. As he shut the fridge door, he saw a Polaroid picture of you and Yuji—was this recent? He didn't recall this photo from before. Yuji had always been so smitten with you. If it wasn't for the fact that the boy was only seven, Sukuna would have thought Yuji was trying to steal you for himself.

He hadn't told Jin and Kaori about the breakup yet, a part of him selfishly hoped that he could still turn things around with you. But of course, it wasn't enough for him to just mess up, he had to blow the whole damn thing out of the water. He was 99.99% sure there was no 'turning things around,' not after he slept with someone else. Especially not after he slept with Yorozu.

As he continued to mindlessly walk around your apartment, he noticed a picture frame that had been laid facedown on the shelf. Curiosity got the best of him and he lifted the frame up, only to reveal a picture of the two of you in Bali. It was the first vacation he had taken you on, the first time he had truly fallen in love with someone, the first time the two of you had gone all the way, the first time he had resolved to give his everything for someone. So, how did he manage to singlehandedly ruin everything the two of you had built together? He could probably write a whole essay.

The spare key—his key—that lay under the frame didn't go unnoticed by Sukuna either. It seemed that both of you had yet to move on. That 0.01% chance suddenly became a 1% chance. Grim, but still better odds if he had to put it desperately optimistically.

4:40 AM

Sukuna was sprawled out on the sofa. Thankfully, it was one of those L-shaped sofa beds, so it was big enough to accommodate his large frame. Sleep evaded him this entire time and he was staring up at the ceiling, while flashes of colorful light came from the TV. He had it on mute, but he figured he could use it as a small distraction so he wouldn't have to listen to his inner voices, telling him how dire his current situation was. He snapped out of his trance when he thought he heard you crying in your bedroom.

Springing up from the sofa and turning off the TV, he held his breath as he listened in more closely.

You were definitely crying.

Before attempting to console you, he went over to the dryer to put on his now-fresh boxers and black T-shirt. It felt inappropriate to barge into your room in the nude for obvious reasons. He could only imagine you would rip his head off in that scenario, and you probably knew how to hide a body, after all, you must have learned a thing or two from all the crime documentaries you watched over the years.

He took a deep inhale and exhale, then knocked on the bedroom door.

"Ryo?" Your muffled voice could be heard on the other side.

Sukuna took this as a green light and gently pushed the door open, stepping inside. A small table lamp dimly lit the room.

"I-Is the couch too uncomfortable?" You were curled up in a fetal position, the blanket swaddling you like a burrito.

"No, the couch is fine," he sighed as he sat on the edge of the bed.

A brief moment of silence hung in the air.

"Why are you crying?" His hand twitched, wanting to reach out to you. It took every ounce of willpower since he picked you up from the bar to not hold you.

"I'm not," you said, but the congestion in your voice said otherwise.

"I heard you from outside."

"I don't want to talk about it. Just go back to sleep."

Sukuna let out a small frustrated grunt, but he was well aware of why you were crying. Again, he was on a streak with asking useless questions today.

In the past, you would tell him what bothered you with little to no coaxing, and he liked that about you. He liked how you told him everything and how he never had to guess with you, even if it was something like you being devastated over videos of dogs and their last day (though he never quite understood it). Regardless, when it came to articulating feelings and emotions, the two of you were polar opposites, but everything between you and him came so naturally—both in love and in the physical chemistry department.

Though the two of you had broken up, it was torturous to see how things had changed so quickly and drastically between you and him. Were the two of you done for good? Was there no way he could get you back? Then again, how was he going to tell you about Yorozu? No matter how he looked at it, it was a lose-lose situation. He knew he eventually had to tell you if he ever dreamed of getting back together with you, but he was absolutely certain it would put the final nail in his coffin. He would never see or hear from you again and he wasn't sure if he could survive that. He didn't just want you, he needed you—yet, he took the most important person in his life for granted.

Had he not learned this already from his own father's passing?

"Please, talk to me, kitten," Sukuna said quietly.

---

You weren't sure what had possessed you—actually—you were; it was a demon called idiocy, and unfortunately, it possesses a lot of people in this world.

Before you could register what your own body was doing, you pulled him onto your bed with full force, pinning him down flat on his back as you straddled yourself on top of him.

Sukuna looked at you, a mixture of excitement and confusion coursing through him. It always got him riled up when you took charge in the bedroom, but now wasn't the time to fantasize about how badly he ached for you.

You supposed if there was one thing Sukuna was capable of maintaining, it was his godly physique. You lifted his shirt up just enough to reveal his abdomen. Your hand trailed excruciatingly slow all the way down to his lower abdomen, where the scar of his knife wound was.

"Did it hurt?" you quietly asked, as your fingertips ran over the scar.

"No," Sukuna's throat was running dry, his heart beating violently against his chest. The familiar scent of your shampoo that lingered on your hair was driving him mad. The urge to pull you into a kiss right here and now was intense.

You bitterly scoffed and rolled your eyes, "Of course not. Ryomen Sukuna, never fazed by anything."

You continued to stare at the old wound, a reminder of how this mess all started. Frustration and anger began to bubble within you.

"I hate you," you murmured, trying to fight the tears.

Sukuna was silent.

"Nothing to say now, hm?" you challenged as you dug your finger into his scar. His muscle reflexively tensed under the pressure.

He continued to stay quiet, allowing you to take out all your grievances and frustration on him—not that your little pokes hurt. But if it meant that it could bring him one step closer to forgiveness, he was going to take anything he could get.

"Did you even love me?" Bitterness laced your voice.

"I still do."

The surety in his voice felt like a slap to your face. How could he still say it with his full chest after putting you through all that heartache?

"Then why did you walk out on me?"

"I just needed space, Y/N," Sukuna said, his hand finding its way to rest on your thigh.

You snapped, the dam inside you finally breaking through, emotions spilling forth. "Your idea of space is always to walk out on me and go radio silent for hours!"

"Do you realize how hurtful it is to me—to us—when you do that? Every time you walk out angry like that, it feels like it might be the last time I see you."

"You know I come back, I always do," his grip ever so slightly tightens on your leg as he props himself up.

You shook your head, "That's not the point. I told you I'd give you space if you needed it. Was it really so wrong of me to worry about you?"

"You know it's not like that," he brushes his thumb over your cheek.

"Do I?"

"You know I'm not good with talking about my feelings, and it gets to me when someone is all up in my business—I can take care of myself."

Talking to him sometimes felt like talking to a brick wall. It was infuriating.

"You're so stubborn, Ryomen! Then give me a reason not to have to worry about you. Stop getting yourself into bullshit like this—" you lift up his shirt.

"This isn't normal!" You place your hand on his scar. "Start thinking about how your actions might affect us—"

"I know, alright?!" He snapped. He grabbed your wrist, and his breathing became erratic. But it wasn't because he was angry; rather, he was growing increasingly hard, and your touch was driving him to the brink of insanity. You had never tested his restraint more than you have now, and if by some ungodly chance he managed to get you back, he's going to make sure you pay him back tenfold.

"It's done, Y/N," he said, still slightly heaving, "you were right, okay? I'm done with them. I'm taking care of it."

Your eyes grew wide at this bombshell of a confession. Quite frankly, it was something you never expected to hear.

"It's going to be done, sweetheart," he reiterated more softly this time.

You were at a loss for words.

This was, in fact, a huge step for Sukuna, someone who had always been so stubbornly loyal to a fault, but you knew that the issues extended beyond just his problematic group of friends.

But in this moment, you couldn't give a damn.

You wrapped your arms around his neck and crashed your lips against his.

This was fucked up.

Completely, utterly, terribly fucked up.

Yet, why does misery always taste so sweet?

Writing © xechu - please do not redistribute, translate, or repost any of my works.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the images used on this banner.

[lostinlovingrevery]

how much of a lovesick gentleman do we think he really is when he’s found someone he sees himself with for a long period of time

(in my mind he’s like perfect but if we’re being fr because men are men unfortunately)

Oh I think he most def is going to be the most lovesick gentleman on earth. Hes not perfect. But we just love that about him don't we?

Lets see if I can really put my thoughts out about this! I wanna be realistic here, but I also really do think logan would be the biggest sweetheart

Logans rough around the edges

but that doesn't mean he can't love!

I mean if we want to look at his history, comic-wise, when hes in love hes devoted to them.

The one lady he married after WW2, he absolutely adored her and still loved her even decades and decades after her murder. (i seen comic pages where he had a shrine to her. older comics)

Obvs he did move on when he met Jean, of course that was more unrequited

and you got the occasional timelines with Storm! They're really cute

theres a page of her asking him if he would really tear the world apart for them to be together

take a wild guess on his answer

and then theres Kayla(gag) in origins! I mean, Logans a big sweetheart with her.

Anyhoo we aren't talking about logans other timeline lovers

I truly think logan is a lover boy

I think, depending on what his history looks like since hes' got a lot of different versions (i like to pick and chose when I write my fics lol)

he would probably be a little rough around the edges at first. not in a way where he's a dick to you. I think he would just be nervous

Hes been stuck in a cycle of violence for so long

im mixed between him being scared of stepping out of that cycle, out of fear of getting you hurt, but also him being so desperate to just love

like how he liked jean so much and so quickly in the trilogy movies.

god just talking about that makes me irritated

anyhoo

SO

I think

When Logans in love, he's still that sarcastic, anger-proned, alcoholic we all know and love. But I think he's the type to want to become better for you

he's not going to be fake but he's going to be softer around you. he wants to love you. make you happy. take care of you.

He's thinking about you all the time

so much so i think he'd get himself physically ill because he loves you so much. he just needs you :( <3

I think you'll be spared of his smart mouth (for the most part...). He won't cease it when talking to other people around you tho.

He's happier when youre around. holds his head a little taller

hes going to make perverted comments. hes going to look at your butt. hes going to squeeze your boobs. maybe even name them

hes a man in that sense

but i think hes old enough (lol) that he knows how to treat people.

people tend to act like logans super arrogant (hell i even think of him like that) but i actually think he's the most open to criticism and being wrong about things

i think he can be very wise

anyhoo, honestly I think once he gets over the complication of having feelings for you and the mortifying ordeal of being percievied, hes going to be the softest boy over you

sweet kisses just because

he'll bring you flowers, he'll write you love notes even, they may not be full of fancy love language, little things like hes misses you, loves you, in his own logan language

hes traditional in that sense. hes from the 1800s. he remembers the original ways to woo someone

I think acts of service is def one of his love languages.

get you groceries, fix the leaky pipes, fill your car up with gas, he doesn't think you should be lifting a finger

he'll tear the world apart for you

his feelings run far and deep- even if he makes it seem like that's not the case. its merely to protect himself

but believe me that barrier is gone when he finds you.

maybe it's me, im a sappy romantic (even tho i have no love life lol) but I think Logan would just adore you

hes the type to get on his knees and worship you straight UP

will defend you to the death. you could straight up being going insane and threatening to kill everyone and hes like "leave my girl alone :(" (X3 Logan im looking at you)

he'll keep pictures of you in his jacket and wallet

looks at you with those big puppy eyes UGH

BABY LOOK AT HIM

probably has told scott to shut the fuck up bc he teased him over how he turns into a lil puppy dog when you're in the room

hes going to be all about learning about you. your career/job, special interests, your quirks, your goddamn favorite soap

In the beginning, logan may try to be mr.cool guy but only bc he doesn't want to scare you off.

he likes the small touches between you both. brush of the hands, holding pinkies, playing footsie under the table

when you're alone though it is required that you are in his lap

an absolute rule

hes gonna get pissy over it

he will respect you in any way, with any boundaries I truly believe this honestly

i think if logans got a good feeling, ain't nothing going to bother him when it comes to you other than the fact that if you're not together he can't show his love for you

no relationship is perfect. You and Logan will argue, misunderstandings, such and such

but once again with logans age and experience, it makes him a very mature partner

he knows the little things aren't worth sweating, and hes smart to know when to really sit down and talk things over

i think different variant logans (which in some ways are just different stages of his life) would form different relationships based on their experience./lifestage but all of them are love boys once you get over the tough parts

just for example bc i love him, I think trilogy Logan would be so in love with you, but I think with not remembering his past at first, he may struggle to pursuing anything serious

its not that he doesn't want to, and hes not going out and flirting with other girls. its that maybe he thinks you deserve to have someone steady, someones who knows who he is, someone whos built a foundation for themselves

he prob thinks pretty low of himself. he gets cranky and sarcastic. he was cage fighting to get by. hes lonely. he probably sees you as someone amazing and hes...well, him.

but if you get over that hump, maybe when he gets his memories, or maybe you're just able to uplift him enough where he can see that you adore him for who he is, he'll be all over you'

I actually this would be fun to write about in deeper context so may make another post one day tweaking my thoughts on this but this is just what i'm thinking so far!!!

[hmslusitania]

Just like life to come and teach me a lesson every time I swear I forget it

Tim has exactly zero interest in letting some playboy, very recently ex-child star, come shadow him in Gotham for some hands on method acting experiment. All so he has a better shot at a "real" acting career. No, Tim has much better things to do. Like avoid his family (badly) and be totally, perfectly fine after his most recent break up (lying). He just... probably shouldn’t have pissed off his director of social outreach before she had a chance to tell Conner Kent’s agency “no.”

Featuring CEO Tim Drake, former child star Conner Kent, and the absolutely mortifying ordeal of being known (and perhaps the euphoric experience of knowing someone else... eventually)

[writing-for-life]

The Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known

Or: Does Morpheus really have commitment issues?

[Bear with me, I’ll get to this panel 🤣]

I’ve read many times that Morpheus supposedly has commitment issues, and it always has me scratching my head a bit…

I personally rather think he is desperate to commit. He so badly craves a serious relationship that he is prone to rush into it and build it on wonky foundations, but he has certainly no commitment issues as we would commonly understand them.

Is it in his nature though to be truly seen and understood when he is [a] Dream? And can dreams ever last? These are the much more interesting questions in my view. Let’s have a look at the romantic relationships we know of…

Killalla: Walked out on him. That wasn’t his lack of commitment. If anything, he came on a bit strong while she was still assessing her feelings for him.

Alianora: He fully committed to her despite basically being bullied into it by Desire. And they were happy for “a goodly while”. For those in doubt: “Goodly” doesn’t mean “a bit”. It means “great, large, long.” And the fact that Alianora couldn’t go back to her own plane because she had stayed in the Dreaming too long corroborates that they were together for a long time. Probably longer than any human relationship ever lasts, because I doubt “a long time” means “a couple of years” for someone who is 12 billion years old.

And now I’ll sandwich the relationship we hardly know anything about between some random (?) panels to also make a point why I think it might sit here in the timeline…

Titania: Who knows. Sounded like an affair, and as if they both had no intention of committing. He was clearly very fond of her though, and I can never shake the feeling that we should look a bit deeper into AMND and find the parallels between Auberon, Titania (not hard, and they are pretty much pictured as estranged) and Bottom. There are many ways to get confused with a jackass, you know? 🤣 Plus, Bottom is the one who gets to play Pyramus in “Pyramus and Thisbe”. That’s the ultimate blueprint for “Romeo and Juliet”: Ill-fated love of catastrophic proportions, people are dead by the end of it. That’s why I often wondered if the affair with Titania was actually pre-Nada, and the inspiration for Shakespeare wasn’t random (it wasn’t random for The Tempest either). I mean, it wasn’t random anyway because it was a parting gift, but I also don’t think it was entirely random with regard to their relationship. Wild head-canon of course, but maybe not that wild (he also says that Wendel’s Mound was already a theatre before humans walked the earth, so there’s that)? And even if he wasn’t committed (we quite frankly don’t know if he intended to but she didn’t or couldn’t), she and the Fae meant enough to him to give them a play as a parting gift.

Nada: Killed herself after one night, but that wasn’t down to lack of commitment on his part. Again: If anything, he came on far too strong, wanted to be with her and was far too pushy about it.

Calliope: We don’t know how long they were together before they had Orpheus. Could have been a while, could have been only a shortish time. But even if we assumed they had him fairly quickly—they were still together when Orpheus, who was mortal, got married to Eurydice, so even if he got married young, we’re still talking something in the realm of +/- 20 years, and that’s the absolute low-ball-estimate. And while they had started to drift apart (considering what we know from Calliope), they were still on good terms and had no intention of splitting up until the whole Orpheus drama caused a rift they couldn’t mend. Again: That’s not someone who has commitment issues. It’s a relationship breaking down over hurt, stubbornness and grief.

Thessaly: Again, she was the one who left him and caused his dramatic interlude in the rain. Were they ill suited? Yes. Did she feel neglected and went into a strop over it? Yes. Did he not get that she felt neglected? Also yes, but that’s not lack of commitment. That’s his not getting that people aren’t mind readers (must be hard if you’re probably one yourself 🤣) and, by and large, need assurances of love. He doesn’t get that these women don’t understand they have his love; he can’t grasp that line of thinking because it is all so clear to him when he loves someone: They have him, what’s the issue? Is that a not so great way of (not) communicating when you’re having a relationship to someone? Absolutely. Is it a commitment issue though? Absolutely not.

I think Morpheus doesn’t really have commitment issues in romantic relationships—wouldn’t that almost be antithetical to his nature? Rules and responsibilities. Yeah, about that one…

What I do think is that he struggles with the mortifying ordeal of being (not) known by his lovers. Because how could he? He is Dream. That is his problem. Dreams cannot be fully known or understood. He is very eloquent but at the same time a very… confusing communicator. I don’t want to say “bad”, because I feel that’s not getting to the bottom of it. Again, it is the nature of dreams to be confusing and strange, open to (mis)interpretation, hard to grasp and understand. And they also stop being dreams once they become real. All of that is true and hence makes relationships both hard for him and those involved. Is he truly not willing to commit though?

I still find that hard to believe…

[buddierecs]

break up/make up buddie fics

this list has different rated fics, so please look at the rating (no explicit tho) make sure to kudos/comment on these amazing works :)

let the golden hour wash through the room by: hattalove "in which there is a breakup, a doorway, and four years of building a life." word count: 2k rating: teen and up audiences important tags: post-break up, getting back together, ex-lovers after the fire, after all the rain by: wenttoafortuneteller "two weeks after eddie breaks up with buck, a storm traps the two of them together." word count: 5.6k rating: teen and up important tags: post-break up, angst, the mortifying ordeal of being known, getting back together i'll feel you forget me like i used to feel you breathe

by: turningthepages

"just another hollywood amnesia story the fandom probably didn't need but lived in my head rent free for too long." word count: 128k rating: mature important tags: married!buddie, car accidents, hurt/comfort, family feels, insecure!evan buckley, future fic in the cracks of lights (i dreamed of you) by: cuddlyobrien "a month after buck breaks up with eddie, he’s trapped underneath rubble with a life threatening injury and asking to speak to eddie over the radio." word count: 4k rating: mature important tags: near death experiences, post-break up, dispatcher!eddie diaz when it comes back to you by: giselleslash "the one where eddie and buck meet when they work together on eddie’s uncle’s ranch, and again when eddie walks into the 118 eight years later." word count: 21k rating: mature important tags: different first meeting au, first love, internalised homophobia, emotional hurt/comfort, soft!buddie, boys in love, past and present timelines all these broken hearts, but mine's the one bleeding by: smilingbuckley "buck figures out a new step-parent struggle when he has to discipline christopher, and the boy tells him buck isn't his father. this causes buck to spiral, thinking christopher disagrees with buck being his step-parent, so he breaks up with eddie even though he's madly in love with him. what he doesn't realize is that chris is becoming a teenager, and teenagers say stupid shit like that when they're angry at their parents." word count: 5k rating: mature important tags: miscommunication, emotional hurt/comfort, fighting, step parenting freedom ain't nothing but missing you by: justhockey "it was a gentle love, so warm that buck couldn’t ever fully believe that he deserved it. so he had to go and ruin it, because that’s all buck is good for, all he knows how to do." word count: 4.7k rating: not rated important tags: insecure!evan buckley, protective!eddie diaz, emotional hurt/comfort, idiots in love i was getting kinda used to being someone you loved by: zashizawa "eddie and buck break up and find their way back to each other." word count: 2.7k rating: not rated important tags: angst, hurt/comfort, hurt!eddie diaz, crying, getting back together my words are paper tigers by: hattalove "buck breaks up with eddie, even if it means losing a part of himself, because it's the right thing to do. the universe decides to test that conviction." word count: 19k rating: teen and up important tags: time loop, pining, angst, temporary character death, emotional hurt/comfort, happy ending home by: bccalling "nine weeks after he and eddie ended things, buck finds the ring. post break-up au." word count: 2.8k rating: teen and up important tags: post-break up, angst with happy ending, TW: suicidal thoughts, self-hatred

waiting room (two part fic) by: goforeddie "buck and eddie break up, buck and eddie make up" word count: 2.8k rating: general audiences important tags: emotional hurt, boys in love, angst, pining, getting back together without you by: orphan_account "a buddie sweet home alabama au" word count: 43k rating: mature important tags: exes to lovers, married buddie, falling in love again, jealous!evan buckley, hurt/comfort, getting back together

[buckybarnesss]

Lurker now follower here, hi hi, I love your blog and all your insights and thoughts on Teen Wolf and Sterek!! I just finished a rewatch and then immediately started over from the beginning because I am Unwell 😂😂😂

I’m on episode one and I gotta say it’s pretty hilarious how Stiles immediately recognizes Derek. Like, I can only imagine how obsessed he was with the fire and the Hale family, and now Derek is back!!

I don’t really have more coherent thoughts on this, just my brain going BRRRRR so yea lol 😂😂

hi! welcome!

i know we all joke about how stiles immediately knows it's derek hale that he and scott run into because it is funny. like stiles baby. honey. the signs were there.

i've always gotten the impression the fire is something stiles remembers very, very well.

the hale fire changed beacon hills. the hales had been there since the town's foundation. they were a well off, prominent family. there was reason to suspect arson. multiple children died and the only known survivors were two barely adult children and a severely burned, comatose man.

laura and derek were high schoolers. cora was eleven years old and presumed dead.

we're told the only thing left recognizable of talia hale were her claws.

it's the definition of a tragedy.

not to think of the supernatural repercussions to the vacuum left behind.

stiles would've been about 10 when the fire occurred which is young but old enough to understand the severity of such an event. especially as the child of the sheriff.

he probably saw how it weighed on his father and had a healthy dose of morbid curiosity. he may have even have knew cora hale in that passive way you know other kids in your school even if you don't know them personally. one day there and the next dead. for someone like stiles who gets hyper-focused on things and has a lot of anxiety stemming from the death of his mother i can easily imagine how his mind didn't let it go.

meeting derek in person created a hyperfixation so intense and so unhinged it led to him recognizing teen derek hale at 50 paces or less in a mexican desert several years later.

as he got to know derek he unlocked the layered tragic backstory stiles really became derek's secret keeper.

and it is only stiles that gets these pieces of the puzzle that is derek hale. he's the one who goes through the hale fire files, he's the one who pieced together that kate argent preyed on a young derek and he knows about paige.

i find it interesting choice to have only stiles know these things about derek. scott never learns of these things that could possibly make him more empathetic towards derek. the writers don't use it that way.

especially because stiles learning these things never goes anywhere overt. it's all in the subtext of the relationship between derek and stiles.

like, stiles learns about paige and he does nothing with this information but we do see him with tears in his eyes over it. he doesn't ever learn that paige's death gave power to the nemeton either. jennifer only tells derek that.

he knows all of this about derek and never tells anyone. he only ever alludes to knowing about kate one time and it's in the overlooked when he gets in derek's face. i'm unsure derek's even aware stiles knows about paige. stiles carries all these secrets about derek and he never uses it against him. instead he continues to keep coming back again and again and again for derek.

more importantly he understands derek and what is love but the mortifying ordeal of being known.

that all said stiles is absolutely unhinged about derek and derek does nothing to curb this by the way. if it bothered him he'd stop it but they are freak4freak so derek probably finds it charming even if he puts up a few token protests just to bait stiles.

[dumbdomb]

NSFW Would You Rather: 16 and 21 please!

16. have your dirty thoughts shared with those around you or know the dirty thoughts of those around you?

seeing as i don't care very much for popular, mainstream, dirty thoughts, i'd probably go bonkers hearing about it constantly. as daunting as it may be... i guess i'll just submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known and let my dirty thoughts become a beacon for those with similar interests! 🕯💭

21. get fingered in the library or at a nightclub?

the library, for sure! i'm naturally very quiet and enjoy the idea of less risky exhibitionism. the intimacy of a library on a slow, uncrowded day... our soft breathing, as loud as the turning of a page... trying to use a wand in sync with the air conditioning or central heating so we don't get caught! pretending we're both reading the same book together when someone enters the room or aisle we're in... just... in the middle of a really good book, and certainly not in the middle of anything we shouldn't be doing in the library! 🤓

[stephsycamore]

Hello friends. Yet another post on a topic literally no one here signed up for but the blog is about my hyperfixation of the month so here we are

I have been reading dramione. I know in my last post i said i was ki da over dramione after a couple of fics because i find the pairing too toxic but i only kinda lied because i have just reread the like 4 dramione fics i found and liked and now i will review them. Technically i have read/started more than 4 but i won't be commenting on fics i didn't like because that isn't fair to the writers.

The first one was manacled. Which i know what a fucking reintroduction to the fandom. But i am no young newbie. I used to read and rewrite A LOT of harry potter fic and while its still fuck jk rowling, she doesn't financially benefit from fic and i heard years ago that she doesn't like fic so. I hope its all a big fuck u to her.

Anyway, manacled. Wow!!! What the fuck???? It has lived rent free in my head ever since. I literally cannot stop thinking about it. If ever i reentered the harry potter fic world let it be known that it would be so i can write fanfic of this fanfic. A couple points - manacled is kinda overly long and would benefit from an editor/beta reader, but I heard senlinyu wrote it on her phone while nursing a baby and just???? Idk what her day job is, but that woman needs to be doing creative writing mfas, writers workshops, residencies, whatever. That is extraordinary creative talent.

I think the first part with hermione in the manor was a bit overly long and too torture porn ish. A lot of the scenes bordered into the unnecessarily gratituous. But overall, it was well plotted, well written, and gut wrenching. The last section takes my breath away

The second fic i read was Remain Nameless. And while i kinda don't love smut (it makes me a little uncomfy) i think remain nameless is a perfrct example of fanfic as a genre. Within fic, there are obviously genres, but there are stylistic elements and things that I think makes fanfiction a genre in itself. Remain Nameless is an exploration of character that goes beyond the confines of conventional or traditionally publish-able story structure. It is too long, too drawn out, too indulgent to be a traditionally published story. If i swap out the names and details in Manacled or Draco Malfoy and the Mortifying Ordeal of Being in love (up next) out, its a probably close to a stand alone novel, but Remain Nameless relies on you knowing and already caring about Draco and Hermione. I don't mean that disparagingly at all, I just think sometimes people don't realize that fanfic should be different from traditionally published novels and that is a benefit of the genre. I think Remain Nameless is great. Its an indulgent, fluffy read that takes two broken people and slowly puts them back together again. Its like a hug in book format.

My next one is DMATMOOBIL!! I loved this one. And the author??? You cannot convince me that this fic was not written by someone with literal years of publishing experience in contemporary romance. No way. Its too good. Not just in a good writing way. Manacled is good in an unfiltered, raw talent way, but DMATMOOBIL is polished. The plot is perfectly structured and then each chapter within that is perfectly structured. I loved it. It wad witty, funny, heartfelt, and exciting. Not sure what more I can say about it. It reads like published fiction both in its polish and readability, and I think of all the fics I read has the best worldbuilding. It is truly exciting to read about the possibilities of magical and muggle science colliding in this book and bringing their world to the 21st century.

The last fic i read was Green Light by SereneMusafir. I thought it was so good but would benefit from being split into two maybe even three books. Green Light features a journalist coming to interview Draco many years after the events of the book, so that kinda complicates splitting it up, but as it stands, the story parts are too vast and thematically disparate to be one book. The first part has Draco and Hermione on an expedition in the desert to find a archeological myth and the writing is extraoridinary. Its poetic and cinematic. But I think at times it all tries to do too much. Like I said, the whole thing needs to be split up but each chapter also needs to be a bit shorter. Again, I don't mean cutting content, but rather restructuring. As it is, I read an incredible scene, but then there's like 5 more scenes of something else, and by the time I'm at the end of the chapter, I've kinda forgotten what amazing prose I read earlier on. Things get lost in this way. Beautiful passages buried.

I think two or three books would also allow each thematic section to be explored better. Idk i thought about this one a lot. I likely will not reread Green Light the way I have reread the others on this list, but other than Manacled, it is the one I think about most. Its the most ambitious plot wise and it kinda got lost in that ambition but I think it has so much potential and was over all very good.

Anyway. That is the end to this book review no one asked for. I will likely not be reading more dramione. So here ends that brief of excellent phase.

[coruscantide]

F P & T for the valentines alphabet!

► VALENTINE’S DAY ALPHABET ( accepting! )

F   :   FLIRT.   is your muse good at flirting? how do they flirt?

Good is relative. This answer is very dependent on how Kairi feels about the person, and pretty much falls into one of three categories. The first is moreso unintended due to her actions and choice of words. Kairi is a sincere person who is affectionate and sweet on the people close to her, so she will gives compliments, gifts, and the like in a straightforward fashion to show she cares and to offer reassurance. Every now and then, she’ll do little things like shoulder touches, holding hands for a bit, or giving brief hugs. It’s not meant to be perceived as flirting but it might be interpreted as such by others.

However, if she’s intentionally trying to flirt she’s a little more roundabout with it. Because she’s doing it at all means she’s kinda over anxieties she might have had about liking the person and feels secure enough to approach them with this type of intent. The frequency of her teasing increases. With compliments, she’s sneaking it into conversations where it may not be immediately apparent. If confident enough, eventually Kairi probably doesn't even try being subtle with it. She’s more inside the person’s space more frequently out of a desire to be near them, and you’ll notice her maintaining eye contact a lot more. Contact lingers more than normal, she’s at ease with hugging a person or holding their hand for a much longer duration, and she’ll touch people’s hair and face, all because she’s less worried about overstepping physical boundaries.

The only issue is category three when muses flirt back, then it's a problem. She’s occupied with conveying how she feels so she likely isn't expecting it to happen and it leaves her a bit blindsided. If it’s someone she’s not interested in she brushes it off, but she’s liable to fumbling the bag when it comes to someone she actually wants to flirt with. It just…brings the whole thing more into awareness for her for a moment ? Like ‘if we want the rewards of being loved, we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known’. And that flusters her. She loses focus and can lose her train of thought, averting eye contact, tripping over her words for a moment and stumbling through her response until she can regain her footing.

P   :   PARTNER.   what does your muse look for in a partner? looks / personality?

I touched on this in that post about crushes, but to sum it up she falls face first into these kinds of feelings rather than actively seeking out a partner, and if you aren’t her friend first and foremost there isn’t ever going to be anything deeper than that. If they’re friends then they’ve already crossed a certain line in the sand Kairi has drawn around herself. She’s allowed them to step in, so she lets herself trust them and is willing to be vulnerable with them to a certain extent to connect with them. She already vibes with them on some level to be herself around them.

Looks are a plus ( especially if she can consider them cute in her eyes ) but the girl is here for personality, first and foremost. If she can’t connect with you and everything with the other person is only skin deep then what is even the point ? She needs someone she can rely on emotionally. She wants to understand the other person’s heart and wants to be understood in turn. Someone that lets her protect them as much as they want to protect her. Being each other’s strength, having each other’s back, and supporting each other in times of need. But also someone willing to push her out of her comfort zone or keep her on her toes, and not let her just retreat into herself as she likes to do. It also goes a long way if they have a sense of humor, can match her banter or teasing, or she can drop formalities to goof off with them sometimes.

T   :   TRUE LOVE.   does your muse believe in true love?

Yes, but she also thinks that it’s not limited to one person or only to romantic love either as stories and fairytales like to leave people to believe ( despite being a disney princess herself ). Love is both selfless and empowerment. To Kairi, it’s knowing a person’s heart, seeing them for what they are, the positives and the flaws, and accepting them. Hearts connecting in every sense of the word. It’s not something that’s owed. It’s a choice, a hard one sometimes and requires effort, built on trust and respect, but it can last forever and across any distance because it is — that person is — worth it in the end. True love is unconditional within reason.

@tenebrave

[cookies-over-yonder]

they hate my disabled demonic swag

CO-WRITTEN BY @silverlistenstothings

Being a cane user in high school, Taylor's gotten some... interesting comments, but it hasn't come up in a while, so when it does, well... It pisses him off.

Part 18 of The Mortifying Ordeal of Being Roommates

ao3

There are many things that are different about attending Teen High now that everything is over, but to Taylor's misfortune, some things remain the same.

Taylor is standing against the wall at the cafeteria waiting for Normal, Link, and Scary to meet up with him for lunch. He's always the first there, since his class ends a little earlier than theirs.

The Path of the Wind is playing in his headphones while he waits. It's calming, and reminds him of the catbus. Ah, he misses it… hopefully it's doing well.

Someone taps his shoulder, and he flinches, then slides his headphones off to see who's there.

It's not a friend, it's a teacher—no, an educational assistant. They usually help disabled kids in their classes.

"Taylor?" they ask, and their voice sounds familiar. There's a chance they worked at Taylor's elementary school before, because why else would they recognize him? Taylor's blanking on the name though, not that it really matters—why are they talking to him anyway?

"Um. In the flesh," he says, not with his usual boldness, because he still isn't sure why he's being spoken to.

"Why do you have a cane?"

…

…

Huh?

"Uh, 'cause I have chronic pain," Taylor answers, and the words are dry on his tongue. It's not the first time, but it's been a while.

"Oh, what kind of pain? Where is it?" they ask, leaning in too close, and looking at him in such an invasive way as if trying to formulate a diagnosis right then and there.

"My limbs and my back?"

It's not a question, but it comes out like one anyway because why are they asking him this —

"You know, I know someone else who…"

The rest of their words all blend together to Taylor. Something about 'oh I wonder if it's this' and 'you should try exercising more' and oh, his nails are definitely digging into his palms now, and where the fuck is the escape from this conversation—

"Ah, well, I'm sorry, you poor thing," they say, rubbing his arm, and a split-second later, when Taylor pulls away, a frown forms on their face. It's not unlike the expression he's gotten from teachers in the past, but this one makes him feel violent.

And then they walk away. And Taylor lets out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding.

Jesus fucking christ.

"Taylor!" Normal calls, he's with Link and Scary, and soon they're all right by him discussing whether to buy food from the caf or share Link's packed lunch like yesterday.

"Hey, you okay?" Link asks, putting a hand on his shoulder. The touch feels like whatever the opposite of icky is. Nice, probably. Calming.

"I'm good, just…" Taylor glances around. The interrogator is still there, wandering around tables. Probably not within earshot, but still. "I'll tell you later, okay?"

"Okay," Link says, moving his arm to wrap around Taylor's shoulders while they walk to find a vacant table.

Taylor's breathing is heavy with frustration, but he makes an effort to steady it lest it progress into something worse.

✿

When Taylor gets home, Hermie isn't on the first floor. They're probably in their room?

Taylor needs to tell them about today. He didn't get a chance to relay the whole story to Link earlier and he feels he might explode, or start biting things—probably start biting things, actually—if he doesn't get the chance to complain.

Taylor runs up the stairs and knocks on the door. "Hermie!"

" Whaaat. "

Taylor opens the door. Hermie is half-sitting half-lying on their bed with their arms crossed over their chest, looking up at him with half lidded eyes.

"Thank you for being normal," Taylor says, closing the door.

"I'm Hermie," they say, closing their eyes.

"No—no, I mean—thank you for being normal about me having a cane ."

"Uh oh."

"What?"

"What happened?" Hermie asks, crossing their legs and sitting up at attention.

"Okay, I was waiting for Normal, Link, and Scary in the caf and then some random person approached me," Taylor starts, pacing back and forth beside Hermie's bed.

"Student?" Hermie asks, narrowing their eyes. They tilt their head as they continue to watch Taylor, as if weighing some options Taylor isn’t privy to.  

"No."

"Okay.”

They sound a bit disappointed, but Taylor decides not to question it, caught up as he is in his own frustration.

"It was an educational assistant that I think I recognized from elementary school? I'm not sure. I don't fucking know—just—they came up to me out of nowhere and asked me why I have a cane, and I was like 'cause I have chronic pain, but then they kept asking fucking questions!" Taylor throws his free hand in the air and sucks in a breath before continuing.

"Like—like they asked where the pain is, and what do I even say to that? 'Oh, yeah, it's fucking everywhere'!? And, oh my god, Hermie, they started trying to fucking—fucking figure out what it is. Last I checked that wasn't anyone else's fucking business? And I—I just stood there being inspected , I'm fucking— ugh! "

Taylor can feel his nails dig into his palm again, but god, his head is on fire right now.

"And you know what happened next? You know what they said? 'You poor thing.' "

Hermie scoffs, but Taylor can tell the anger isn’t directed at him. They do seem angry though, and Taylor feels a little vindicated by that reaction. Not enough to do much about his own anger, though.

"They said they're sorry . Sorry? I was just minding my own business, vibing , mind you, to my music while waiting for my friends and they think they can just randomly approach me like that? What the actual fuck!?"

“That’s fucked,” Hermie says helpfully, patting the bed beside them.

Taylor doesn’t really want to sit down, still vibrating with frustration, but it’s probably best if he does. He falls backwards onto their bed, grabbing a pillow and putting it over his face to muffle a frustrated yell. Hermie pats his leg comfortingly.

“Get that pillow off your face before you suffocate. Deep breaths, Taylor.”

There’s a brief flash of instinctual anger, don’t tell me to calm down, I’m angry and I have the right to be, but he knows Hermie is right. He throws the pillow to the side, and takes a sharp breath in—drawing the heels of his hands to dig into his shut eyes and clawing at his hair with his nails—and lets it out as another frustrated groan.

Hermie waits for him to calm down some before continuing.

“I know I don’t have to tell you that your anger is justified, so let’s just skip over that part,” Hermie starts, and their own tone is a bit tense as well, their tail tapping a frustrated rhythm against the mattress between them. “I think next time someone asks, you should tell them to fuck off. Or, I suppose, if it’s an EA that could get you in trouble, you can just tell them you need it, no explanation necessary. If they continue to press it, I think you could hardly be blamed for resorting to violence.”

Taylor brings his hands down from his face, and something about the frustration in Hermie's tone in Taylor's honour paired with the advice makes him, despite the heat of anger still coursing through him, crack a small smile. "Are you saying I should attack them?"

“I would never say that,” Hermie says, faux-offended with a hand dramatically placed over their chest. “I’m just saying, you have a weapon,” they gesture at his cane, “and if you did, you could hardly be blamed… and I’m sure the others would cover for you.”

The adrenaline rush has mostly dissipated, which means Taylor is left to feel the aches all over his body. It always worsens when he gets riled up. Attacking people being intrusive does seem like it'd be rather satisfying. "You really think I could get away with… nah, I can't do that." Taylor chuckles. "Sounds fun though. Oh, but I will definitely be telling people to fuck off," he says, stretching his arms out and flipping off the ceiling, and then he shouts: " Fuck you! "

“That’s the spirit,” Hermie says with a small, satisfied smile. “And if anyone really gives you trouble for it, I’m sure Chaparral wouldn’t miss me if I skipped a day to join you at Teen High instead. You might be above resorting to violence, but I am not.”

Taylor bites his lip, but he's grinning even harder. There's something about Hermie threatening violence for Taylor that makes him giddy.

And grateful.

He brings his arms back down—they're aching even more from being thrown up like that but whatever, it was worth it—and he rests one hand on his chest. He extends the other out toward Hermie and wiggles his fingers a little.

Hermie eyes his hand suspiciously for a moment, glancing from it to his face and back, before cautiously placing their hand in Taylor’s as if expecting a trap. They don’t seem too genuinely worried though, eyes still amused even if they’re not smiling anymore.

Taylor tightens his grip on Hermie's hand. It's warm and sweaty and reassuring. Then his eyes fall shut.

It’s quiet for a while, before Hermie lets out a long sigh and squeezes Taylor’s hand.

“Alright, come on, you don’t want to fall asleep like that,” Hermie says, tugging at his hand gently as they return their pillows to their rightful places and gesture for Taylor to lay down beside them.

Taylor does so, and he curls up against Hermie with their hands still interlocked. His head is on their chest, and Hermie is warm, and so is Taylor; they both tend to run hot, which doesn't seem like it'd be great on paper, but in actuality, it's quite comforting.

The rise and fall of Hermie’s chest is slow and even, and Taylor’s eyes quickly fall shut again. The last thing he feels before drifting off to sleep is Hermie’s tail curling protectively around him. 

[kvetchinglyneurotic]

Now that The Hedgehog's Dilemma is officially complete and posted, it's time for some housekeeping! List of sections under the read more because it turned out very long:

the sappy bit where I say thank you

overview of part 2, aka the fluffy sequel

side stories in the same universe (you can make a request!)

tagging, updates, and extremely tentative timeline

Also: to the person who sent a rose to my inbox a few days ago — I do accept them and you'll be getting the inaugural rose snippet for the sequel!

1: The Sappy Bit Where I Say Thank You

As I've alluded to before, writing THD was a new experience in a lot of ways: it's my first and (currently) only fanfic, but also the first time I've written a character study or anything with such a focus on hurt/comfort and interpersonal relationships. It's also the first time I've written something that has a real audience — I come from the wilds of writing plotty fantasy/sci-fi original fic — and posting something that I knew would probably get some kind of reception was both exciting and terrifying. I appreciate everyone who has read, kudos'd, commented on, sent asks about, or otherwise interacted with the fic so much; you've all been lovely and I hope you enjoyed reading THD as much as I enjoyed writing it.

2: Flightless Birds (aka the Fluffy Sequel)

Flightless Birds, the second fic in the series Symbiosis, is set during the off-season between season 1 and season 2. Here's an overview of the main character arcs/plot threads (no spoilers for chapter 6):

Jamie: our boy is going through it slightly less than in part 1! With the James Tartt Sr. situation resolved, he spends the fic processing his trauma without the looming specter of his father's reappearance, which basically takes the form of 1) therapy, 2) looking after Roy post-injury, 3) extensive platonic cuddling (fun fact: I hadn't really written any cuddling scenes before THD and am not at all a cuddler in real life, so hopefully those bits are like. at least somewhat plausible), and 4) visiting his mom and Simon.

Roy: our boy is going through it slightly more than in part 1! (sorry, Roy) Like in canon, he's recovering physically from his knee injury and processing the end of his career, which is not great for those underlying self-worth issues. In addition to experiencing the mortifying ordeal of letting himself be cared for, he's also experiencing the mortifying (and for him, more upsetting) ordeal of not being able to care for others the way he wants to — the worst of his physical recovery coincides with the point where Jamie's very shaken and vulnerable from the events of chapter 6, and he basically has to contend with the fact that he not only needs to expand his own support network but that he can't be the entirety of Jamie's support network.

Keeley: our girl has been upgraded to main character! She moves in with Roy — and by extension, Jamie — and, as the only one of the three who's not freshly injured and/or traumatized, initially ends up with a lot of the caretaking work. This is a problem because a) Keeley needs her space and has trouble expressing her needs at the best of times, and b) doesn't strike me as someone who has a particular inclination towards what I guess I'd call protracted caretaking — she can be really good at comforting people in the moment, but I think she panics a bit when it's a more serious situation that she doesn't know how to solve (like with Jamie's depressive spiral in 3x11) and prefers relationships — both romantic and platonic — where there's a decent degree of autonomy: everyone likes spending time together, but they can all also do their own thing. This is part of the catalyst for the aforementioned expanding of support networks.

A note on relationships: Roy and Keeley are technically dating but I'm very aromantic and have like. sub-zero interest in or knowledge of how to write romantic relationships, so in a reverse-shipper move, I'm going to write it as platonic. Whether or not the fact that I've hit everyone with the aro beam will be discussed in-text remains to be seen.

3: Side Stories

There are some POVs and events that happened off-screen and/or during the time skips that didn't make it into THD for a variety of reasons. I have vague plans to turn some of these into fics, such as: Ted's POV of the first couple of chapters before he became a main character; Nate's extremely complex feelings about the intersection of his and Jamie's trauma, his relationship with Ted, and the evolution of AFC Richmond that I couldn't figure out how to include in the main fic without making the whole thing feel a bit unfocused; and Jamie's probationary period with the team during the time skip between chapters 2 and 3. If there's anything you'd like me to write about in this universe, feel free to make a request!

4: Tagging, Updates, and Timeline

Posts about the series, including the individual fics, will be tagged as series: symbiosis (I am planning to go through my THD posts to add this tag, but no promises as to when that will happen)

Posts about individual fics will be tagged as fic: title; e.g. fic: the hedgehog's dilemma or fic: flightless birds

Timeline: I'm going to plot out all of part 2 before I start writing, which probably won't take a hugely long time. However, November is a bit of a busy month and I'm going to be fiddling around with different strategies for working on multiple fics at once — I'm excited to get started on part 2 but I also miss working on my original fiction project — so it might be a bit of a wait before I get that done. (If anyone has advice or techniques for doing this, send it my way! (only if you feel like it, of course))

Updates: I'll continue posting writing updates when I have them, and of course I'm always happy to answer asks or otherwise chat with people about the fic (or anything else)

[moghraidhs]

back on my terror/black sails soapbox (you should have realised you weren't going to hear the end of this) under the cut

jack/fitzjames. the two great pretenders. are they capable of being honest only with each other, or do they wear masks in private as well as in public? they're always pulling off something great by the skin of their teeth, and somehow it's never enough. will do amazing things to be seen.

sol/silver. it's a perpetual mystery to me how the most straightforward people become attracted to the biggest schemers (re: vane and eleanor), but perhaps it's nothing more simple than opposites attracting. sol fights to protect others and silver lies to protect himself, and yet they fall in love anyway. sol (grudgingly) admires how silver is ten steps ahead of everyone else and stands up for him, and silver gets to experience the mortifying ordeal of having someone actually care about him.

silna/madi. the definition of "some are born great, some achieve greatness, and others have greatness thrust upon them". madi is ready for her destiny while silna tries to escape it. they're both their fathers' daughters. very good at knowing what the other is thinking without needing to exchange words. quiet in all things: fear, grief, and loss - so when they love, that is quiet too, and just as unshakeable as they are.

blanky/gates. stories of the old days, of miles of ice and clear blue seas. bonding over good rum and foolish captains whom they genuinely care for. they're always there to back each other up, even when no one listens to them. will to live increases by 90% after meeting each other.

flint/ross. the fearsome pirate captain and the good-hearted idealist who cares more about his men than fame or money? they're a perfect match - even if they don't realise it at first. s1-s3 flint would fight his attraction all the way, because every time he looks at james he's reminded of thomas, and look how that ended. fortunately, james is just as stubborn as he is; once there's someone he loves he won't let go. they balance each other out well, and by s4 are definitely the sanest couple in nassau (mostly).

tommy/billy. it's about the implications. whatever happened to them in the past has made them what they are - the same and yet different. it made billy strong and serious (perhaps too much so) and loyal; it made tommy quiet and withdrawn and loyal. they don't talk about what happened, not even to each other, but they love just right in such a way that it doesn't really matter. basically "where you go, i go". they keep each other from falling.

sol/billy. loyal dog meets loyal dog. their shields are up, not to protect themselves, but those around them, and in so doing they leave themselves wide open and vulnerable. would and probably have killed for each other, and will do so again if necessary. combined anger and grief that is deadly when turned outwards. they have no secrets. a good hug would fix them both, i think.

tommy/vane. violent x soft, but with a twist. neither of them like uncertainties - when you grow up the way they have, you want to know where you're standing at all times. you also (in charles' case anyway) develop a soft spot for underdogs. tommy is loyal, he's good with a gun, and he does what he's told without asking questions. kind of likes it, to be honest. there are no games with these two, not ever. if charles ever allowed himself the luxury of vulnerability, its name would be tommy armitage.

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

an inconvenient stabbing

Read on Ao3

Warnings: stabbing, blood loss

Pairings: live show court judges squad are actually best friends change my mind

Word Count: 2714

Spending long hours working at the Supreme Court isn't anything new for Judge Oh, and neither is going out for an emergency food run when she realizes she's missed dinner.

It is, however, the first time she sees someone about to be assaulted. She can't just sit back and watch.

Here’s what they don’t tell you about being stabbed. You don’t actually feel like you’ve been stabbed until you put your hand to the wound and it comes away red.

When the man slams his fist into Jinjoo’s side, her first thought is that she’s been punched. It knocks the wind out of her, sending her staggering slightly into the person next to her. She bares her teeth, snarls at them to know better than to try again as she shields the actual target. The man’s eyes widen as he turns tail, leaving the person behind her to stammer out her thanks.

“It’s alright, now,” Jinjoo says, “get somewhere safe, there might be more of them.”

“Thank you, Judge Oh, I will, thank you—“

“Hurry, inside now.” Jinjoo looks over her shoulder at the retreating man and quickly glances around. She can’t see anyone else; the worst of the danger appears to be past.

She raises a hand to her brow and brushes her hair back from her forehead. That’s funny, it’s more damp than she expected. She looks at her hand and her eyes widen.

She glances down. The front of her shirt is slightly sticking to her, a patch of red growing larger and larger.

Oh, she manages faintly, I’ve been stabbed.

As soon as she puts the pieces together, it starts to hurt. She winces, leaning against the wall as she covers it with her hand and pushes hard. Pressure, that’s how she won’t bleed out. The extra sensation makes her hiss through her teeth.

She’s not too far from the Supreme Court, she could make it there. Really, what she should do is call someone. Yes, that’s a good idea, let’s try that. She reaches for her phone only to find it dead. Well, there are probably many people between here and there, she can ask one of them for help.

The pain doesn’t lessen as she pushes herself off the wall and begins the trek to the Supreme Court. She holds her side as tight as she can bear as she walks, keeping the pained grunts as quiet as she can. She can make it.

There isn’t a single person that she can see.

It gets harder. Soon her arms are aching, both from the strain of propping her weight against the wall and from holding her side. She’s stopped trying to hold in the noises, instead they flow freely from her lips. Part of her is glad there aren’t any people around for this mortifying ordeal, the rest desperately wants someone to lean against, even if it’s just for a phone call.

The Supreme Court is still a block away.

By the time the white building makes it into view, she’s wincing with every step and she’s certain she’s never had this much trouble staying upright in her life. A sigh of relief tears out of her throat before she realizes that not only does she have to cross the street, there are no walls for her to lean against.

She looks down. Her hand is bloody, the fabric is rucked up and probably past the point of saving. Even as she stands still, the pain wells up and threatens to take her breath away. She looks back up.

She could wait here. Someone is bound to come at some point. But she’s so close and the call of her office where she has a charger and her other phone is louder than the pain.

Jinjoo raises her chin and pushes off the wall.

The first step she takes is fine. The second is a little harder. She’s gritting her teeth and swaying by the time she makes it to the middle of the road. The crosswalk sways under her feet like a bridge, threatening to dump her into the icy, unforgiving waters either side. She sways, staggers, tries valiantly to keep herself afloat.

The crossing is trailed in blood.

She wants to collapse to her knees the moment she reaches the other side, but the second her head inclines, she almost blacks out. No rest, then, not until she’s finished. She’s barely putting pressure on the wound anymore but she staggers to the door.

It feels like a horror movie. The white looms in front of her, unnaturally sterile, inhumanly cold. Jinjoo staggers closer, closer, until she can get her shoulder against the door and leave it open. She leaves a bloody smear across the threshold and feels a wall of shame rush over her. If she had blood to spare, she’s sure her face would be red.

What right does she have, she seethes quietly as she drags herself through the building, to sully this place with her blood? She’s poured herself into her work, into the spirit of this building, but now that her tracks are bright red against the polished floors…

She doesn’t have the strength to sob.

Her office. She has to make it to her office. That’s where she can collapse. There’s a couch here. It will be soft. She knows how to clean a couch. She can get there.

Her grip slackens.

She just has to get there.

How much blood has she lost? It hurts. Why wasn’t there anyone outside? Why isn’t there anyone here?

“Where,” she slurs, listing terribly from side to side, “where did everybody go?”

Footsteps. Oh. Someone is coming. She hopes she doesn’t bleed all over them.

She looks up and sees Judge Kim and Judge Kang walking into the room. Oh. She thought they’d gone home already. They spot her and Judge Kim yells her name. She hopes they aren’t angry that she’s gotten blood on the floor. But then he’s rushing over to her and his face is pale and he looks scared.

He pulls her hand away and his eyes widen at the sight of the wound. He looks back up at her in horror.

“Kit in our office,” she manages, “my phone died and I—“

“We have to hurry,” he says, cutting her off and swooping under her free arm, “I’ve got you.”

She’s lurched forward with new speed and struggles to keep up. Judge Kim’s grip on her is careful, her arm held around his shoulders and he barks something at Judge Kang as they get across the room. She opens her mouth to apologize when there’s another arm around her waist, holding her upright and a hand pressed hard over hers.

“Stay with us,” Judge Kang says, “we’re almost there.”

She can make it. Her legs won’t move as fast as theirs and they’re just too tall for this to be comfortable, but she’s rushed through the door and up to their office and then Judge Kim is dropping her arm and all but ripping off his scarf as Judge Kang lies her down on the couch.

She winces as he balls up the scarf and presses it hard to the wound, mumbling out an apology only for Judge Kim to scoff.

“It’s just a scarf, Jinjoo, it’s fine.” He sets the kit on the coffee table and rifles through it frantically. “I don’t know if we’ve got enough in here.”

“Even if you did, you can’t do anything until the wound stops bleeding,” Judge Kang says sharply, pressing harder, “and she’ll need a doctor.”

“There’s a panic button downstairs,” Judge Kim says, “that’ll get them here the fastest.”

Oh. She didn’t know that. She could have pressed it herself.

“Hey.” She blinks. Judge Kang is looking down at her, leaning his weight on the wound. “Stay with me.”

“Yes, Chief.” She winces when he pushes down harder. “Sorry.”

“It’s alright, I know this must hurt.”

“Thank you,” she manages, “I can’t imagine this is how you expected to spend your evening.”

“Well, I couldn’t leave my Right Associate Judge to bleed out on the floor, could I?”

“I suppose not,” she says, the words twisting something in her chest.

“Besides,” he says almost conspiratorially, “your replacement would almost certainly look like a judge.”

A shaky laugh leaves her as Judge Kang chuckles. It feels surreal; him pressing hard on her stab wound as they share an inside joke. She hadn’t thought about it when she said it, only glancing over to see Judge Kang trying not to laugh. She didn’t think he’d remember.

“Hey,” he calls after a moment, “what is it?”

“Huh?”

“You look like you went somewhere,” he says quietly, “I thought I asked you to stay with me.”

He pushes a little harder on her side as she shakes her head. “It’s nothing.”

“It didn’t look like nothing.”

Jinjoo takes a breath, wincing again at the fresh wave of pain. “I know I was chosen for my looks.”

“Is that what you’re upset about? That you believe the only reason you’re still here is because of your pretty face?”

Now she’s glad she doesn’t have blood to spare to blush that Kang Yohan thinks she has a pretty face.

“As you pointed out, Judge Oh,” he says, “you’re a part of this team too. Not just because of your face, not because of the image you’ve portrayed for the cameras, but because you’re a good judge.”

“…you think so?”

He nods, a small smile on his face. “Though I will say, I have not questioned your judgment until now,” he says, pressing against the wound, “what happened?”

“A woman felt unsafe walking down the road and someone came up and tried to attack her.” She swallows. “I didn’t realize he had a knife or that I had been stabbed.”

Judge Kang blinks. “Did you just say you didn’t realize that you had been stabbed?”

“It didn’t feel like he stabbed me.”

“And what did you imagine being stabbed would feel like?”

“…sharper.” Judge Kang huffs. “It just felt like he punched me!”

“What am I going to do with you two,” he scolds without much real heat behind it, “always running headlong into things without stopping and thinking?”

The bloodless has loosened the filter on her words because she huffs too. “All due respect, sir, but you can talk.”

“Excuse me?”

“You don’t talk to us before you do things,” she mumbles, “and then we can’t help you. You’re supposed to work with us and not run headlong into things either.”

Judge Kang watches her carefully for a moment. Jinjoo worries she’s gone too far, some part of her worries he’ll leave, then another smile comes to his face.

“Let’s make a deal,” he says, adjusting his pressure on her side, “you don’t put yourself in a situation that will result in you being stabbed, and I will start talking to you two more about the trials on a regular basis, hmm?”

“You have to include us in your plans.” He raises an eyebrow. “You talking about the trial could just be going over what we already know. That won’t solve anything.”

“What was that before about you being here only for your looks?”

“That’s the deal.”

Judge Kang looks at her for a moment before he nods. Jinjoo wants something a little more than that and she holds out her hand.

After a moment, he takes it and they shake on it. “You drive a hard bargain, Judge Oh.”

“Mm.” Now that she’s not being distracted by it anymore, though, it’s really starting to hurt. She swallows, closing her eyes and trying to breathe through it. It’s no use.

She hears footsteps coming and Judge Kim rushes back inside. “They’re on their way. Shouldn’t be long now.”

He couches down beside her head and carefully positions it on one of their pillows. She blinks her eyes open and he smiles, his brow still furrowed in concern.

“I got him to agree,” she mumbles just to watch the furrow smooth out a little.

“See? I knew you could do it.”

“You two,” comes Judge Kang’s indignant voice, “were conspiring against me?”

“And it worked, too,” Judge Kim says, “you should have us on your side instead of against you.”

“We shook on it, you can’t take it back now.”

“Such disrespect, the both of you,” Judge Kang grumbles, “who would’ve thought you two would turn out to be so rude? Or is it just because it’s after work hours?”

Jinjoo wants to reply but Judge Kang’s hand shifts and the pain is so sudden it springs tears to her eyes.

“Yah,” Judge Kim scolds, reaching out to brush her tears away, “don’t make her cry!”

“N-no, it’s—it’s just—“

“I can’t let up,” Judge Kang says softly, “I know it hurts, you’re doing well.”

“You’re so brave, Jinjoo,” Judge Kim whispers, “they’re almost here, they’ll know what to do.”

“It hurts,” she manages around a weak sob, “it really hurts.”

“Here.” Judge Kim reaches for the hand closest to him and holds it in his. “Squeeze, it’ll help.”

“You’ll get your hands all bloody,” she mumbles.

“I don’t mind.”

“How come you’re only worried about his hands,” Judge Kang asks, “or am I not worth your concern either?”

It might be a joke, but Jinjoo has lost a lot of blood and there will always be a part of her that hates being scolded in any way.

“I didn’t ask you to,” she says, sounding far too much like a petrified child, “you…you can stop.”

“He didn’t mean it like that,” Judge Kim soothes, sending a sharp look at Judge Kang, “it’s alright.”

“I’m not going to let you bleed out,” he says, softer now, “even if it means blood on my hands.”

But oh, she’s tired now and she doesn’t have the strength to cry and bleed and talk all at the same time. Her hand begins to go limp in Judge Kim’s and everything starts to hurt. Her arms ache from the walk and her legs don’t feel a part of her anymore. She catches sight of Judge Kim’s worried expression as her eyes begin to slip closed.

“Stay awake,” he says, “you have to stay awake.”

“I am awake, I’m just…just resting, I’m tired.”

Judge Kang suddenly pushes harder on her side and her eyes fly open. She stares up at him with a look of betrayal.

“Stay awake,” he says unapologetically, “and I won’t.”

“I’m trying,” she says, only partially in a whine, “but it’s hard when everything hurts.”

“I know, it’s alright, you’re almost there.”

They hear footsteps from outside.

“They’re here,” Judge Kim says, “they’re here, it’s alright, you did it, just stay awake until they get here.”

“Hello? Anyone?”

“In here,” Judge Kang barks, “Judge Oh is hurt.”

The last thing she can clearly feel is Judge Kim squeezing her hand firmly before everything disappears in a whirl of fluorescent lighting and a blur of movement. She must end up at a hospital somehow because she falls asleep with an IV in her arm and the quiet beeping of a heart rate monitor.

When she wakes, a doctor is there and he tells her she was lucky the knife missed everything important. When she tells him what she remembers, he scolds her for not charging her phone but that she’ll be good to go home as soon as he’s checked her stitches.

She’s surprised to see Judge Kim in the waiting area as she walks outside. The smiles and comes over to her, wrapping her arm through his and leading her outside.

“What are you doing here?”

“You got stabbed, Jinjoo,” he says, “I was worried.”

“Did you...you didn’t wait all night, did you?”

“No,” he says to her relief, “but I did tell the hospital to give me a call if anything happened, which nothing did until you woke up”

“Thank you, Judge Kim.”

“You know my name, Jinjoo, you’re allowed to use it.”

“Gaon, then.”

Judge Kim—Gaon smiles and tugs her toward the sunlight. “Come on, let’s get you home so you can change. You and I need to go get a coffee.”

“We do?”

“Yes,” he smiles, “because I have been told that there are inside jokes that I am not allowed to know and so you and I need to come up with our own.”

“Is it weird that I’m happy I didn’t charge my phone?”

“No weirder than anything else that happens around here.”

[primewritessmut]

💞 😬🎉🤯

💞 Who's your comfort character?

I mean, recently? Probably Mobius M. Mobius. He’s such an interesting character and I like turning him around in my brain like a Rubik’s Cube. Twisting one side to see if/how that changes the other sides. But historically, it’s been Venom. Eddie and the symbiote brought me a lot of comfort when I’ve needed it at different points in my life and I imagine they will continue to do so.

😬 Which of your fics would you be most horrified for friends, family, or coworkers to stumble upon?

Oh my god. All of them? There really is something behind the mortifying ordeal of being seen. There are a few people in my life that know I write fanfic but they (almost) never ask to read it and I never offer. Of the two that have asked to read something, we’ve literally never spoken of it again.

I tend to tell people the truth when they ask me what I’m writing about (“the vulnerability of trust and knife kink” or “a guy getting sounded by the alien that lives in his body”) and it’s a really easy way to gauge whether people are going to be cool or not. They usually do some combination of freeze/grimace/wide eyes and then, again, we NEVER SPEAK OF IT.

But, to honestly answer your question, I would probably be most horrified if someone stumbled across she’s not going to die today. That probably marks the true beginnings of my downward spiral.

🎉 What leads you to consider a fic a success?

Usually that I finish it. That’s the main reason I started writing fanfic in the first place: to fucking finish something. Up to the point of Need a Helping Hand? I’d literally never finished a story, just let them float free form through my brain or exist on lost post-it notes or in half-empty notebooks.

After a while, I also started making mini-goals related to most of what I was writing and that, too, becomes a mark of success in its way. Do I feel like I improved at writing banter? Did I effectively use first person pov? Was there finally not a happy ending for once?

And then, you know, the serotonin and dopamine factor. As in does it provide me enough?

🤯 What's a genre you struggle with as a writer (ex. romance, action, etc.)?

Fantasy. Historical. Mysteries and Thrillers. Honestly anything that requires me to do a ton of research or think too deeply about the world of the story.

Like I said somewhere else, I mostly write linearly, straight out the gate, from beginning to end with no planning. If a story requires a lot of planning (which I think all the above genres do) then I’m going to get gummed up in the works and never write anything.

Huh. Maybe that’s why I never finished anything before NAHH? I was always trying to write fucking fantasy.

x

[distopea]

❝  i chose you.  and i need you to trust that my decision is final.  trust me.  ❞ ( What if. Raum & Oliver 😶)

@cantuscorvi

His phone was buzzing inside his pocket, like it had for the past few days. He couldn’t remember how many calls he had missed from the entire Cleaners’ squad, but surely things were getting worse hour after hour. There was no doubt that Astra was aware that his favorite little toy had been gone for too long, and that an important client and business partner of the Cleaners was dead. Oliver was nowhere to be found, and they had probably already tracked him to Raum’s place thanks to the GPS inside his phone. It was a matter of time before someone would knock at his door, bargaining to get their toy back, and probably for the worst. The young dancer didn’t show much, but he was anxious. 

He threw a glance at his lover, and witnessed that his eyes were checking at Oliver’s pocket. Kaizen had been calling, then Gambit. Oliver was certain that the next dialed number might be Astra himself. He put the phone down onto the table, a deep and heavy sigh leaving his throat. If Raum had helped him escape this bloody hotel room, there were still the same doubts lingering inside Oliver’s mind. The same everlasting little ring telling him that he couldn’t trust anyone in his sorry world. He eyed Raum as if he had shown suspicious behavior, before he eventually stood back up and crossed his arms. 

“You know what, I should leave.” Oliver said, a bit harsher than he wanted to sound. It was enough to get Raum’s attention because of that. Oliver shook his head, already ready to bite because it was safer to defend himself right now. “Let's be honest for two minutes, what we are doing is stupid and reckless. It’s a matter of time before Kaizen will knock down your door and drag me out, or worse… It’s probably a matter of days before it’s Astra himself showing up.” He felt mortified, the weight of killing someone tangled with the fact that he had brought bad omens upon Raum’s life as well.

All that blood, those muffled screams, the way his eyes had rolled... Oliver turned around, facing the window and the night view in front of him. It was sickening to remember every second of his first murder, every detail printed deep inside his mind. He shivered at the thought of what their future would be now. Because what he had committed could only bring desperate times and yet…

“I know how he works…” Oliver muttered when he sensed Raum’s fingers clapped onto his biceps. He almost lost his balance, stiffened onto his legs. “He will ask Gambit to dig for any sort of information, and he will use it against you. He will try to know every weakness you may have, and it will force you to pick a side… And I’m not an idiot…” He turned around to watch Raum, his chestnut eyes for once facing the ordeals of his own fate. He wanted this truth not to be his final act, but it was as if written in marble already. He was born to die.

“You will save yourself, and I can’t really do much about it. I can’t even resent you for that because… Perhaps I would do the same.” He pinched his lips together, looking away from Raum’s piercing eyes. “So before you choose… Please at least, let me try-” 

Oliver stopped when there was a hand pressed against his lips. Whatever poison he might say next, Raum would permit him to voice it. He didn't know if it was out of pain, misery or maybe because he couldn't hear those thoughts anymore. He remained silent, his stare drifting back to observe his lover’s features. Every inch of him was screaming how it was painful to be in this situation… To wait for Raum to eventually state his worst fear out loud and abandon him again. 

❝  I chose you,  and I need you to trust that my decision is final. Trust me.  ❞

Oliver swallowed thickly, his eyes burning with this forbidden hope that was impossible to accept. Oh, if Raum was lying, it was too late. He couldn’t get away from his grip anymore, nor pretend that he had been looking to hear that the moment he had crossed his path again. Whether it was a game of fate or a thread of life, Oliver wanted to cling to it with all his heart. He blinked and slowly caught Raum’s wrist.

Even if it was a lie, at this point, at this moment, he chose to believe his heart.