#; because fuck it was so hardcore
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So I've said multipe times now (here and here) that thinking nmj is just so blinded by privilege he doesn't undertand that acting out of line gets people killed is, in my opinion, a misunderstanding of his character that ignores the part where he's, you know, actively dying the whole time and thinks that's a good thing. But that doesn't mean I don't think privilege plays no role at all in how he views the world.
Specifically, his view that death (at least premature or violent death) means something.
Death isn't always a tragedy to NMJ, but it is always meaningful. If you kill an evil dangerous person for your righteous cause, that death had meaning. There was evil in the world and now there is less of it. Similarly, if you die in the pursuit of your righteous cause, that death has meaning, because the sheer dedication you gave to it that you were willing to die for it will further that cause, and your bretheren will be invigorated by your sacrifice to fight even harder.
If a death isn't meaningful, that's an injustice and it is up to the living to give it meaning. That's what cuts so deep about his father's murder. There were no consequences, no changes, no meaning. Wen Ruohan was just going to get away with it! He fights and wins an entire war to make it mean something, to make it so that the unjust murder of Nie Mingjue's father is part of Wen Ruohan's downfall.
But this is a view he can only hold because he's the kind of person who's death will be meaningful. Most ordinary people's deaths are meaningless. Not ontologically, not inherently, but they are made meaningless because no one cares. For death to be meaningful you either have to be so powerful that anything you risk your life for will be impacted in some way. (Like, say, if you sacrifice a long life for immense martial power in a faustian bargain with a blade) Or if people with that kind of power care enough about you to do so for you. For most people, this isn't true. A starving street kid has no power to change the unfair world that put them there, even if they risk their life trying, and no one will do it for them once they die.
Nie Mingjue knows this in abstract, and of course rightfully believes it's wrong. But all that does is make it yet another righteous cause people should be willing to die for. Everyone's deaths should mean something, we'll make it so or die trying!
This is what the conflict between nieyao is about at its core. Because Jin Guangyao, fundamentally, cannot conceive of his own death as meaningful. Nie Mingjue grew up around powerful men who could change the world but refuse to do so because god forbid they risk a single hair on their perfect heads. Meng Yao, on the other hand, grew up in an environment where no one of importance would blink twice if you died. He was surrounded by meaningless death. Indeed his entire early life is defined by that lack of care.
Meng Shi dies and no one cares. Meng Yao gets thrown off a flight off stairs and no one cares. He has to be the one to do the caring, and once he's gone no one else will do it for him.
So he has to live.
Jin Guangyao eventually gets far enough that he actually does aquire the power to change some things... as long as he's alive. If he changes too much, holds on too tightly to his ideals, he'll die and it'll all be for nothing. He can't sacrifice himself for his goals because doing so would immediately render those goals unobtainable. No one will care about what he tried to do. He won't be a heroic sacrifice, he'll just be trash that finally cleaned itself up.
And well... Nie Mingjue dies, and someone makes it mean something. Makes it mean so much that the entire story of mdzs would not exist without it. Jin Guangyao dies and it doesn't mean anything. Most people are glad to be rid of him, and the few that are not don't do anything to change that.
#mdzs#mdzs meta#nie mingjue#jin guangyao#meng yao#nieyao#of course the inherent tragedy is that nmj is totally THE guy to ask if you want your death to mean something#nmj's reaction the the fact that most ppl's deaths are meaningless is to go: yes and I should change this.#If everyone thought like me this wouldn't happen anymore I simply need to get EVEN MORE HARDCORE about justice to MAKE them care#and this quality- which makes him the one person perhaps capable of making jgy's death mean something- also makes him a threat to his life#so jgy kills him because he needs to live. And then his beliefs about the meaninglessness of his own death are doomed to be true#what else was he supposed to do? just die and TRUST that someone would make it mean something?#like his mother trusted that his father would come back for them?#of course he can't do that.#just like how nmj's upbringing means that by the stairs he can't see how jgy- son of a sect leader and extremely capable-#is any different from the men who wrung their hands and told him that wen ruohan is just *too powerful* they can't do anything about him.#(*guy who killed wrh and wil go on to kill jgs voice* i just can't do anything about my dad being evil)#if jgy had agreed to risk his life and asked nmj to make it mean something if he died nmj would have said yes.#which is why he can't understand jgy wouldn't just ASK that.#jgy meanwhile has not been informed that was a fucking option and if he was wouldnt be able to trust that it'd actually happen.#for reasons outlined above#ahhh tragedy and inability of characters to understand each other i love you
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Y'know what, I really was trying to take a break from ranting about Arcane but shit keeps pissing me off and twitters format doesn't let a bitch rant like she wants to.
I'm sick and fucking tired of white queer people acting as if they're the only ones that are underrepresented in media. Like actually get a fucking grip on reality. I keep seeing people say that MelJay doesn't count as rep because "it's straight" as if that is not a direct representation of a dark skinned black woman being loved and cared for without needing to fight tooth and nail for it. As if that isn't an interracial couple that doesn't have a white person in it for fucking once. As if Jayce isn't a Latino coded man.
Straight white people have a fuck ton of representation, sure, but let's be fucking for real, out of all the people in the LGBTQ+ community that need more representation, white queer people are not at the top of the list. Y'all get most of it actually! Y'all have me on the internet fighting for my life about a straight ship because y'all can't stop for two fucking seconds to think about anyone that isn't fucking you!
"I think Mel is sapphic though!" - And a good chunk of the time the account has not shit about Mel on it. It's just a JayVik shipper using it as an excuse to completely shove her aside.
"She deserves better than a man"...they don't live in a patriarchy bookie. Jayce is not some misogynistic asshole from the real world, he's flawed for sure, but he's not treating Mel like she's inferior to him. He loves her and she does in fact deserve someone that loves her. If that person happens to be a man then so fucking be it. Not to mention...'she deserves better than a man' but you're ultimately using it as an excuse to...ship two men together? Oh okay...
EDIT: Real quick - I dont really wanna hear about how you 'just prefer gay ships' babe. I prefer sapphic ships. That doesn't take away from what I said. Actually, it just makes me feel like you're trying to deflect from the topic at hand rather than just listening and shutting the fuck up and I can't promise my reply to that is going to be particularly kind <3
#I am extremely suspicious of every meljay anti im sorry#especially if you're a hardcore jayvik shipper because so many of you bitches are closet racists#and misogynists.#its insane and annoying and i hate the fact that this has me pissed but it happens with damn near every fandom#y'all will see a black woman gtting loved on by a man and then will say that you hc her as queer just to get her out of the way#y'all arent fucking slick it's so grating and annoying like ship what you want but i beg of you to start unpacking the shit you do.#wlw#lesbian#☆kennie's rambles#mel arcane#mel medarda#meljay#jayvik#arcane#arcane league of legends#also since apparently y'all cant read#I never said “all jayvik shippers do this!” but a good amount do!
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So often in media, when abuse is talked about, the little boys in the household are shown to be combative - the "protector" of the family (an utterly depraved and insane idea). What makes Simon's younger self portrayal so special to me is that he's none of these things as a child. He was scared, timid, because he was just a kid in a horrifying situation. Being a male should not strip you of the right to involuntary responses that come with being abused.
This is not to say that the former example does not exist in the real world, because it very much does - it's just usually the only example of a young boy in an abusive household. Though the themes itself are not pleasant, I am incredibly happy to see representation of the quote-on-quote "softer" side of men who faced abuse growing up.
#Simon is very well written all together#so so good seeing the big strong man archetype with stress responses associated with women because its REALISTIC.#there is one scene where Simon gets physical with his father - when he himself is grown and in the military and his father is ill#off the top of my head i csnt remember the specific reasoning why Simon snapped but thats not the reason i brought it up#every other chance Simon gets he actively chooses to avoid his father as much as humanely possible#we see multiple scenes where his mother is encourging him to at least say goodbye to him#and Simon adamantly (rightfully) refuses because his father's presence makes him unwell to his core#he is not a fight response guy to me. hardcore flighter#avoidance - workaholic - NEEDS to be busy - etc#hate hate HATE when the fandom sees him as an angry guy. simon is genuinely not an aggressive person at his core#i mean fuck... he doesnt even try to get revenge on roba after he's escaped - not until roba has wronged people he loved#and... he didnt torture him. not even a little. it wouldve been a very clean death if roba hadnt run#simon is a level 100 avoider when it comes to harm befallen him#my points of this post are: 1. simon riley is incredibly important to me as an abuse victim#2. simon riley is incredibly important all together and amazing representation of an abuse survivor#Call of Duty#COD: Modern Warfare#Simon Riley#[ RJ ]#[ SEMI-AUTOMATIC MOUTH ]
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Weeping and wailing and gnashing my teeth rn
#the fact that his benediction to her is 'be happy' because he knows how little she's going to receive in her upbringing here#please don't get me started talking about how fucking fucked it is that this is the only solution for them btw#the religious trauma jumped out on me HARDCORE today and i became so so annoying#hawkeye pierce#m*a*s*h#mashposting#mashblogging#yessir that's our baby#s8e15
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How fucked up would it be if the real experiment of the Social Experiments beyond Showfall testing out a live audience with their show was them actually genuinely shutting off their control on Ranboo and maybe temporarily(?) Charlie’s during act 3 (while having the full ability to flip it back on if/when wanted) to see what they would do and how they would react if they ever actually started to broke free, so Showfall would be able to predict and squash any attempts at getting out if something ever went wrong with their fan favorites in the future.
#if we think that Ranboo tried to escape once before the events of TSE this could be a product of that#yeas this ties in to my last genloss post. act 3 isn’t for the audience it’s only for Showfall/Hetch to both test and take some anger out o#I’ve been hardcore mulling over genloss again and this time I’m actually making a post or two about it lmao#Sneeg breaking free was a real glitch. Austin freaking out because he could See was real. Showfall doesn’t have as locked down control#as they would like to. so if they can predict to prevent that going to far if it happens…….#*Rod Serling voice* anyway wouldn’t that be sooo fucked up?#and of course I mean stop them in a way that isn’t JUST ‘let’s set the giant fuckin security monster loose on them’#cause it kinda seems like it’ll go for Showfall employees too if they aren’t careful#unless of course. we want to think Sneeg killed that guard. either way it’s about effectiveness lol#robot rambles#genloss#generation loss#gl ranboo#gl charlie
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im just gonna be honest gang obviously its gonna be easy for you to say youre in love with a character and theyre an angel when anytime they do something you don't like you brush it off as out of character
#bad writing is still canon unfortunately#the place where i absolutely draw the line is gallavich being verse don't fucking piss me off @shameless writers#unfortunately your fav characters did do and say those bad things..... and to ignore that is too fundamentally misunderstand their character#how can you love a person when you choose to be blind to who they are </3#this isn't directed toward anybody y'all are just being very dramatic lately and really i think we should remember that tv shows aren't real#i can recognize when someone is caused by bad writing but i still have to accept that it's a real thing that happened#like. do i find shameless entertaining? YES! is it well written? FUCK NO#it's actually fundamentally a bad show in many ways. but that's WHY i enjoy discussing it#it's why my hyperfixation hasn't died down. because theres just SO MUCH to pick apart and interpret and discuss!#it's actually so bad at times i blocked it out of my memory!#but if i believe something isn't canon or *shouldn't be canon* (HUGE difference between those 2 things)#then i should explain why i think that. and i also need to accept that others disagree#but if you say everything you don't like is just ooc bad writing and therefore not real to canon then#....lol what are you even doing here#like. we should be rallying against the writers for being actively racist homophobic transphobic fatphobic ableist etc#yet we're sitting here with our thumbs up our asses fighting about which character fanclub is the most oppressed#WHO CARESSSSS JOHN WELLS DOESN'T CARE ABOUT US IT TRULY ISN'T WORTH WASTING YOUR BREATH OVER#i just want to read about 2 toxic kinky boys kissing idk#let me say this tho! hardcore fiona stans you gotta be the most out of touch people on planet earth!#okay goodnight everypony#wall of text in the tags#a.txt
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#so like the last few days have made me really accept the agoraphobia diagnosis#I don’t know what to do about this all except talk to a legal person#I’m probably looking paranoid watching people who keep monitoring me#the live-streaming is fucking with me hardcore too because it’s making me feel watched#agoraphobia#actually agoraphobic#my stomach feels so fucky which isn’t helping and I’m getting the anxiety shakes when people aim their phone at me#putting this here so I don’t make the people in my life crazy because my phobia has been so triggered
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she’s a girlfailure honestly. at heart, glinda is fucking TRULY a girlfailure.
#ooc. o kaptain.#[I’m so deadass she ends up in a loveless marriage she’s a miserably closeted lesbian she only exists for the perception of others she’s in#love with a woman who literally dumps her after their gaycation and never lets go to the point of delusion well into her elderly years she#does fucking everything for approval and gets it constantly but it doesn’t matter because it’s not actually fulfilling OR what she wants.#she is a hardcore girlfailure.]
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Day ninety-one
Everyday I am low-key thinking about Nobara in the official light novel.
Doodled sumn from it.
#dailykugisaki#jjk#kugisaki nobara#inumaki toge#GOD THEIR FRIENDSHIP#Inumaki you should've let her kill him#KUGISAKI LITERALLY TURNED A CURSED SPEECH USERS TONGUE INTO A FUCKING FLESH FLOWER!!!#removed his ability to use his technique in the WORST way#best part is she is literally high-key unaffected by cursed speech because of three things#first one is her endless rage the second is her rationality somewhat and the third is deadass just because shes Kugisaki Nobara#DO ANY OF YALL UNDERSTAND HOW FUCKING HARDCORE THAT IS??#SHE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE TO USE A HAMMER AND NAILS SHE JUST LIKES THE DAMN THINGS#SHE USED THE SHARPENED ON THE FLOOR HEEL OF HER BOOT TO PEIRCE A DOLL SHE MADE IN SECONDS FROM THE ROPES THAT#THAT FUCKING RESTRAINED HER???#SHES SO FUCKIN COOL DUDE SHES SO FUCKIN COOL#Gege you don't know ANYTHING#Inumaki used his technique on her yo make her not kill the dude and instead if not attacking she literally nailed the guy to the floor by#BY THE ANKLES#didn't want his ass scampering away#FLESH FOWERS FLESH FOWERS FLESH FLOWERS!!!#*Jumps around aggressively*#bucket fucking screams
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i forgot that certain types of jokes REALLY arent funny and i made 2 yesterday after being told the first time that it wasnt funny uhhh...
yeah um.
this week is not going so fun.
#safari is the best browser#safari posts#safari's deep shit#for clarification it was an incest joke#i forgot that a lot of ppl dont find that funny#yeah i screwed up#it was abt the twins from OHSHC#i jokingly said “ermmmm hikaru kaoru kiss” without a /j tag because i thought ppl would interpret it as joking#i also attatched the sweet home alabama song to the message#uh#yeah anyways i just lost all my friends so thats fun#EXTRA CLARIFICATION: NO I DO NOT FUCKING SHIP THE TWINS THATS DISGUSTING???#i dont rlly ship anyone except mori x hani and tamaki x haruhi#but not even hardcore#js casual#anyways#yeah im telling a whole story here#um yeah if u want to comfort me u can but i dont expect u to bc i did make a really gross joke.#love u all!!
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wonder what was running through shupavu's head when goigoi almost spilled to janja that he was gonna get trapped in the fire with the lion guard..
#“oh my god shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck upppp” probably /silly#nah she was too professional to get freaked out over it#even if janja did find out and the plan failed then she'd still believe in scar being two steps ahead#she's rarely the one to doubt him or his plans. if ever#yeah. i rewatched BFTP and remembered how much i love that scene#not because janja's clan is about to get fucked over but because of the army#literally killing janja RIGHT under his nose#hardcore scene#ALSO i don't even know if goigoi knew that janja was gonna get betrayed#probably not because he SO would have said something ��#scar could've told the leaders and then reirei didn't tell goigoi or smtm#it's just funny because it seems like goigoi is so fucking oblivious#he's all la la la while he's helping kill the hyenas ahsghdjdhdjd#the lion guard thoughts#the lion guard#tlg#tlg outlanders#scar's army#spinny rambles
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rant bc i feel like im losing my mind
i dont mind sharing my f/o with another selfshipper, in fact i feel happy sometimes cus that means people feel the same way like i do.
But one thing that i absolutely despise is my f/o's canon ship. In my opinion they have an unhealthy relationship (that led to them divorcing) with them destroying each other's lives. i love romance and seeing a couple breaking up breaks my heart too much. i do like them separately but together they're a disaster.
And the biggest reason why i dislike his canon ship is because of their fans. on Twitter i got attacked and harassed by them because i said i "prefer my selfship more than the canon ship" and boy I got called misogynist bc they thought i erased his canon partner and replaced her with my s/i, which is also a woman. they kept harassing me for months and even called my s/i 'ugly', 'blank', 'boring'. some of them even made a poorly drawn art of my s/i getting sh0t in the head.
i have never said anything bad about the canon ship at all. i just said i like my selfship.
twitter is such a scary place i dont recommend going there at all especially in my situation.
#🐤mayo's diary#mayo.txt#i just wanted to make a post of this because i need to let it out#and show to the public that their hardcore fans are so fucking toxic it blew my mind#i dont have anything against their fans#← but the hardcore ones are just headache#no bc almost EVERYONE on twitter attacked me because of this. almost all of their fans.#its so frustrating
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I don’t want to be negative on my blog but this is just so funny to me. wait until this person hears about powersworth
#💬#I don’t have a problem with people disliking langworth or gumworth#because they’re not for everyone and there are valid reasons to not ship them and I respect that#but this applies to narrow meat soup too#also what does this person mean by “one dimensional” you can’t just decide that’s true about ships you personally don’t care about lol#I just don’t understand why a percentage of the nrmt fanbase feels SO threatened by other edgeworth ships merely existing#you have over 10k fics and a constant stream of fanart and almost every letsplayer ships them hardcore#I just find posts like this to be so goofy. you have no competition here. why are you hating. you’re literally fighting a one-sided war#I JUST NOTICED THE FUCKING IFUNNY.CO WATERMARK ON THE IMAGE I USED. FUCK.
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RAAAAHHH RAAAAHHHHHH!!!
#officially done watching QSMP!!#I watched mainly Fit's POV bc he speaks English and has the most hours on qsmp#i would have watched Philza's but his vods included his hardcore world and made his vods much longer and also spending less time on qsmp#i have watched all of Slime's POV and since he rarely logs on and he cuts his vods it was easy to finish#for non-English speakers i have watched Maxo and Pierre's bc they are the most lore heavy apparently-#and their qsmp povs comes in episodes!! very easy to binge#lore-wise it was great!! sad qsmp was cut short bc of management issues but im glad at least Fit made an effort to make a great ending#as for everyone else's lore ive been relying on clips and compilations#my favorite event is definitely cellbit and roier's wedding bc it was so fuckin funny - i have rewatched certain parts multiples times#my favorite lore would be aypierre's bc his felt more complete and cohesive... maxo is close second... these two are good roleplayers...#Purgatory is another BIG favorite event purely bc of BOLAS ROJAS 😂 the first day was the funniest shit I've seen acted on Minecraft#favorite pair is definitely Deathduo... one bc Philza did a great representation (on purpose or not) of an aromantic character -#two because found family... im a huge sucker for found family stories... Deathduo isn't as rich in fanservice but it's part of why i like it#rare but GOLD - augh their first day with Chayanne and the whole prison arc thing 😂😂 everytime Phil catches Missa up on the lore 😂#another favorite pair is Misclickduo - if the latter was a nice story this one's on the complete fucKING OPPOSITE#everything about this family is fucked in every single angle 😂 but it has good lore esp Slime's POV with Juanaflippa#favorite eggs definitely Ramon and Juanaflippa... since I watched Fit the most it made sense Ramon is my favorite#but Juanaflippa is my favorite lore-wise bc of how tragic she is...#essay over :3 im going to sleep crying i hate Fit's ending so much BYEEEE#qsmpcroof
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nobody understands how important catholic jason todd is to me
#and i mean as a current catholic#just because it resonates so hardddd#i have so many fucking thoughts about catholic jason todd :(#its so dear to me#for me religion is my own relationship with god and it has nothing to do with literally anyone else#trauma led me to my faith and i like to think it would jason#and also exploring jason as a queer catholic YES#urnghhhh#so many thoughts.... so many...#jason having daddy issues leading him to god the father#and him having mommy issues leading him to being a hardcore mother mary worshipper#we are the same!
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SO fucking happy to FINALLY hear a new twenty one pilots song that doesn't sound like it would play at H&M.
#so sad it had to be because of arcane tho#WHY DOES YOUR NEW MUSIC SOUND LIKE THAT IM FUCKING BEGGING YOU PLEASE DO BETTER#twenty one pilots#i've been a hardcore fan for almost ten years but dude i can't excuse whatever the fuck scaled and icy was and i haven't even heard clancy#please just bring self titled and regional at best back i beg you
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