#(the dr would say that himself the dr would be well aware of his own mistake he just takes a second to reason thru stuff out loud)
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i know this is FULLY the opposite of the point but i need a stuffed animal the exact size shape and most imptly weight of the meep bc im moping and having a meepsized stuffed animal would fix me
#also that was a really good episode! such a shame about the absolute horrendous gender convo at the end#(dw spoilers following now)#like i hate this male presenting shit its hysterically bad like you've missed the point so completely like#i mean it already started when they deadnamed rose and then rose was like omg did u just assume his pronoun#(the dr would say that himself the dr would be well aware of his own mistake he just takes a second to reason thru stuff out loud)#(like its ok bc she's 16 so that tracks but she should have blue hair if she has the guts to correct a strange man's pronoun usage)#(also its ok bc she's rose and i love her. but from a writers perspective it sucks)#but then like. why would u call it male presenting when what you MEAN is just male#like is it bc you dont feel comfortable gendering the dr bc thats fine & i agree#however. male presenting & female presenting are terms SPECIFICALLY MADE bc theres a difference in how to world treats u based on perceptio#vs how the world treats you based on actual gender#vs how you yourself treat the world in acombo of both#its silly to explain this obviously but also unless rose is actually non binary her saying non binary makes no goddamn sense#''hey this is a gender thing right? lets just throw it at the wall and see what sticks''#whatever. tardis shaped to be able to do zoomies. am happy
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to measure love ノ dr. ratio
ৎ୭ — · · 0.8k ノ gn reader — back scratching . dumbification . overstimulation ノ just indulging in some spice with subtly dom mr. ratio ノ well… uhm… i would not write it if not for a friend on here throwing at me the *concept* ahaha…
The first time you scratched his back during sex, Veritas grumbled with annoyance and took your wrists into his hand for the remainder of your close encounter. It was all an accident, of course! It’s not like you would do that on purpose — knowing too well he would not be pleased.
There wasn’t much you could do against the pleasure you had not expected to receive, rendering you helpless and a little stupid, to say it the easiest way. Being fucked so good was simply too overwhelming for you to control your body.
What you didn’t know yet is that Veritas was not yet familiar with this sensation, either. A bit wary. Questioning the reason (or lack thereof) behind it. The second time it happened, the curiosity took over, and he let you continue.
Whatever you two learnt back then caused you two to indulge from time to time to be just a tad rougher. Or, should you specify, him being rougher with you. It’s nothing going outside the set boundaries, none of that sort. His thrusts just staying within you for a moment longer, pressing there harder. Focusing way too much on foreplay, where you’re almost spent before he’s out of his pants, and excusing himself with the need to research your reactions until he has them memorised.
Turns out he finds it interesting to see your body contradict whatever your lips are saying.
You whimper between shallow breaths that it’s too much and that you cannot take it anymore, yet he notes how you do not stop your hips from meeting him halfway.
Veritas thinks of you quite highly, actually, given your everyday approach to problems. Otherwise you two would not end up in the same bed — too many times to count, although you believe he is keeping track of that number, too. You’re not one to lose your composure easily. So it’s endearing to him how you can’t even get a hold of your own limbs when he’s long inches deep inside of you, as if his weight on top of you and his cock snugly fitting between your legs were a switch to your behaviour.
All that attractive intelligence turned into a frown between your eyebrows when you try so hard not to come before you get to reciprocate at least a portion of the satisfaction he’s already granted you.
He presses into you with just the right amount of force and precision, pushing out sounds from your throat. Those little squeals excite him immensely, mellowing down the usual sharp edge of his demeanour. Enough for him to kiss the sweat off your temple and bury his face in the crook of your neck, hips never stopping the motion.
With blistering hot breath on your clavicle, he chants the biological academic nonsense that you would listen to otherwise if you weren't past the point of recognising nothing but the deep hue of his voice. Veritas chuckles when you don't respond — when all you do is keep raking your fingers up and down his back, sorry that you cannot uphold the conversation. His intellectual companionship is always appreciated, even if at this particular moment in time you're unable to make anything out of it.
Amongst the debauched blabbering whispered into kisses and intermittent praises how much you enjoy being with him, you’re clawing at his shoulder blades.
To keep him close, the entire mass of sinew and soft flesh pressing you to the bed, but also because you’re a mush, again, and this is the only way to let your emotions out of your spasming body.
There is a fine line between enjoying the feeling of his spine being scratched in a frenzy and disliking it too much to experience pleasure. The line is sometimes blurry, many factors at play, but that’s never an issue for him. This man revels in challenges.
It stings when you pick on his skin with your nails. Veritas is aware of that. Except that he thinks of that as a testimony to what he can do to you. With you.
Assigning him a visible ornament of the knowledge is easy, although symbolic — this is precisely why he wears the golden laurel band with exactly eight of its leaves, each for his doctorates. To measure how good he is with love, the physical one at least, with how strong you grab onto him, gives him a boost of pride.
You’re his pride, the state you’re currently in, at the brink of release and dew gathering under your lashes. Because he loves giving you what’s best. He loves you.
Some time later, after you two are done and resting, you catch him looking at his scratched back in the mirror. He’s eyeing the reddened lines with a pensive face. Perhaps thinking if he would like to have some more adorning his skin or if it’s enough.
You do not wish to know that. Not right now.
₊ ˙ ⊹ . AUTHOR’S NOTE — little win that i managed to write it all for gender netural readers despite making it very very self-indulgent, yippee! now, please excuse me, i need to scream into the void because it was NOT on my bingo card today <3
#—writing.#honkai star rail x reader#honkai star rail x you#honkai star rail smut#hsr x reader#hsr x you#hsr smut#dr ratio x reader#dr ratio x you#dr ratio smut
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'do you think that this, us, ever could be something more'
synopsis - you both have painfully obvious feelings for eachother but both of you are hesitant to take that step until they decide to brave their feelings and confess in their own way
includes - dr ratio, argenti, jiaoqiu, aventurine
warnings - gn!reader, fluff, slight angst (mainly aventurine), pining, wc - 2.2k
a/n: guys i promise im working on requests :))
dr ratio ★↷
ratio detested you, namely the way you constantly refuted his words and theses. nonetheless, he adored nothing more than seeing you everyday - he'd say you were the one competent mind to converse with in an average day but you both knew deep down that it was purely because you enjoyed each other's company.
your friendship with the doctor was one of the most unlikely, others at the intelligentsia guild couldn't imagine anyone developing more than a simple coworker relationship with ratio. to some, even maintaining something as simple as a coworker relation was an arduous task.
however, you never saw the issue. ratio was a dear friend, it's merely the fact that he naturally gave off a rather off-putting first impression thanks to his slightly gloomy and eccentric nature. deep down he still retained these qualities but he could be a lot more caring in his own way.
although, for all his intellect, ratio struggled to maintain a grasp on his own emotional intelligence. a fact that could maybe be said for you as well, although compared to ratio you simply didn't know how to, or even if you should bring up the undoubtedly growing feelings for the doctor.
ratio knew what he was feeling, simply a release of oxytocin that caused those fuzzy feelings when he was around you. however he couldn't quite piece together the idea of you being behind those feelings, why your friendship wasn't enough, longing for something more than what you two currently had.
he'd never confide in anyone about his dilemma - he didn't need unwanted outsiders budging in on his personal issues. although, ever since he started looking for solutions, he started noticing signs that had previously gone unnoticed. namely how you acted around him.
a major concern between two crushes is the possibility of unrequited feelings. veritas would prefer to avoid such mistakes and push any potential feelings away if that was the case. so he often dwelled on the possibility of such. but it appeared that all the signs he misconstrued as friendly gestures and behaviour from you, could in fact be taken as more romantic.
he observed more as he had to be one hundred percent and in his quest, his mind slowly became more aware of his own feelings and why they only seemed to blossom more around you. ratio hated it. his feelings were like a gnawing feeling, constantly playing on his brain and it got to the point where he couldn't focus on his research - he would blame you, but he blamed himself more.
veritas knew he had to do something about it. and so he did. ratio was never one to beat around the bush, and so he took a direct approach to his confession - as soon as he could, he sought you out and told you about his feelings. relief washed over the doctor's unknowingly tense form when you told him about reciprocating such feelings.
you couldn't help but note his slight embarrassment afterwards, made evident by the heavy blushing which he quickly covered up by wearing his plaster head.
argenti ★↷
the encounter between the two of you among the cosmos was one of the more fortunate ones. a fleeting moment within the universe that set a start for the tale of a friendship that would last practically forever.
in his opinion, meeting you on his journey felt like a blessing from idrila themselves. in argenti’s eye's you were practically breathtaking in any way, everything about you from your mere presence to your voice to your appearance. it was only natural that he wanted to know more about someone such as yourself - and he was forever grateful he indulged his curiosity.
a blossoming friendship was easily formed between the two of you, one that had solid foundations to continue headstrong, even becoming something more should that be the path you took together. for all his charms, argenti made a true friend - someone that was always there for you in your corner, supported you, a pure soul that listened intently, someone that cared.
and for someone that seeked the aeon of beauty, it was hard for him to miss seeing the beauty of which were his feelings. flurries of emotion that could hold a powerful grip on someone's heart and actions if left unchecked and untended to. so as soon as those signs of warmth and calmness appeared strongly around you, argenti knew what it was.
that infatuation and pure admiration for you could only suggest that he subconsciously longed for something more than a friendship. in truth, argenti was devoted to idrila. he found beauty in practically everything, followed idrila’s teachings diligently and so he never truly imagined having someone else in his life that meant more to him than an aeon he devoted his life to.
but it couldn't be ignored, those feelings couldn't be left to simmer in the back of his mind as deep down he knew he wasn't content to sit by and keep the current relationship with you - although if that was what you wished, he would gladly sacrifice his own feelings just for you. however argenti was one to take risks.
a direct approach to voice the beauty of his feelings for you, should you decline them then so be it, but he wouldn't know until he tried. comoared to his usual gestures which could often be described as “grand” or “charasmatic”, a confession from him would be noticeably more gentle and intimate.
a moment of pure safety, he'd waste no time in reciting to you exactly what he wanted to say with a smile of lovestruck fondness as he presented you with a rose, all the thorns layed upon it's stem signalling the dedication and sacrifices he'd be willing to make for you - it's petals in full bloom.
jiaoqiu ★↷
being friends with jiaoqiu was never easy, although nobody exactly said it was easy. the pink foxian had the tendency to be rather cunning, mischievous even, and these traits only seemed to double when you actually got closer to him.
however, some could argue that eventually one would get used to jiaoqiu and everything he'd do or say - to an extent, they wouldn't be wrong but it still never made it any easier on most days. (un)fortunately you still put up with him as he was still a dear friend in the end.
jiaoqiu did have people he acquainted with or even people he was friendly with but ultimately he still had very few he would truly refer to as friends. he spent most of his time serving his dedication to helping the merlins claw and that was mainly his sole priority, jiaoqiu was determined to treat her.
so naturally, those closest to him did end up being those close to feixiao in the first place. yet he still found time to spend with those he held dearest, which was either you or moze and feixiao.
however, it didn't go unnoticed to either you or jiaoqiu that there was something there. something that couldn't be described as a simple friendly relationship, yet neither of you addressed it and continued on with your lives as if that feeling wasn't there in the slightest.
jiaoqiu knew very well that he longed for something more with you. you were the only person which drew out these warm feelings from him that had been killed during his time in the field and yet you had a way of bringing them back to him.but he simply couldn't cime to terms with it.
he'd withdraw from practicing medicine once before due to a broken heart, and deep down a part of him feared that you would make that a second time. so he tried to drown away those fuzzy feelings and tell himself over and over that you two were simply just friends, nothing more despite the clear longing urge to be that made him feel an immense sadness at the idea of never being something more.
and so jiaoqiu was hesitant. he wasn't dumb and he knew exactly how he felt for you, and he even could pick up on the way that you felt the same but somewhere in his mind he'd convinced himself that it was simply his own wishful thinking, not your true feelings. however, his hesitancy couldn't last much longer as he cursed you for affecting his work.
he'd be more of a fool to continue on without coming to grips with his blaringly obvious feelings for you, he knew it would eventually eat him from the inside out. and so jiaoqiu would begrudgingly find a way to confess, still letting that nagging fear affect just how he'd do so.
he'd catch you in the morning, handing you a personal meal for lunch like he occasionally did when he had free time in the morning. except this time, your gaze would immediately notice the small note tucked away within, one that you wasted no time in reading it's contents.
a part of him regretted giving you a note as the anticipation weighed heavy upon his mind, but otherwise he knew his nerves would've got the best of him. jiaoqiu specified in the note about his feelings, and how if you were to reciprocate them then you should come find him. this way he could avoid the painful rejection if it so came to that. until then, he waited in anticipation, still fearing your answer.
aventurine ★↷
he had coworkers, he had business partners who lways got the short end of the straw in a deal with him, and he had acquaintances. someone could even say they were the bare minimum for being a good use as stoneheart for the IPC. however, he did have some people that were closer than that, namely veritas and you.
and to reach that level with him was no easy feat. the man known as aventurine had put up many walls, facade after facade all in order to keep what little of himself left safe. the small parts of him left untouched by experiences that were painfully his and yet he could fool himself into believing that they belonged to an identity that no longer existed.
sometimes ‘aventurine’ didn't feel like him. it wasn't. if anything it was another defense that the past identity had let be forced upon him to help scramble for something good in his life. for someone blessed with luck, it never felt like it.
but his luck finally brought him something pure, something that finally felt like luck. and that was meeting you. a light that shined ever so brightly in his life despite all else, evoking feelings from him that he swore he buried when he bid goodbye to his past self. yet you dredged them from the darkest depths of himself, the parts that he feared and constantly kept hidden from himself.
however, old habits die hard. the very moment aventurine became conscious of what had bubled to the surface of his facade, he desperately tries to push them away. those warm, fuzzy feelings that he felt around you meant only weakness to him - something that you could choose to exploit.
his feelings were merely a chip. a means to use and manipulate at his disposal. they got in the way majority of the time, they could reveal ones desires or wants unknowingly and that never led to anything prosperous - especially in a high stakes gamble. but they were a chip for him and him only.
nevertheless, how could he possibly ignore them any longer when it seemed that his own brain was working against him. it made him feel all the more vulnerable, especially because of the idea of him confronting them just to have his heart painfully stomped upon and have his feelings left to painfully mull over into bitter sadness and reject.
fortunately, aventurine was quite the adept one at reading other people - a skill he'd learnt very quickly. so the hopeful part of him observed how you acted around him, picking up on the obvious signs that he previously misconstrued as friendly or simply ignored. eventually, he decided that the gnawing feeling needed to be sorted.
and so aventurine decided it was best to finally let down those final walls and comfess. because he was putting himself in a vulnerable position, he would get straight to the point. people may guess that he would go all out for a confession but that would be the last thing he'd do.
admittedly he let a small part of his fear get the best of him but he would still build up the courage to request to see you and confess face to face. he truly didn't know what he would do if you turned him down but he'd figure that out if it happened. it wouldn't go unnoticed by you that he held one hand behind his back at all times during his confession - the only time in ages that he'd been completely honest with his feelings to someone he trusted.
taglist - @little-miss-chaoss, @frankiesteinn
#—stellaronhvnters.#x reader#x gender neutral reader#honkai star rail x reader#hsr x reader#honkai star rail x gender neutral reader#hsr x gender neutral reader#honkai star rail x you#hsr x you#dr ratio x reader#ratio x reader#argenti x reader#jiaoqiu x reader#aventurine x reader#hsr dr ratio#hsr argenti#hsr jiaoqiu#hsr aventurine
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⟡ within your waking thoughts (there i’ll be).
⎯ what do they do when they miss you? how do they cope with yearning when you're away? { y for yearning ノ ordered by @floraldresvi! (sorry for the ping!) }
RESERVED FOR! ノ characters. aventurine, sunday, dr. ratio ft. gn!reader. { 1.3k words }
FLAVOR! ノ genre. fluff, slight angst (my apology to sunday lovers yet again), established relationship.
TOPPINGS! ノ tags. aventurine has his tech savvy moment, pre-2.2 sunday (heavy references but no spoilers), ratio has two phones (king of separating work & personal life !!!).
BAKER’S NOTE! ノ thoughts. a repost! bcs tumblr didn't like it the first time. hopefully, this one will be here to stay. thank u to vivi for requesting this ‹3
© seelestia on tumblr, may 2024. please do not repost, plagiarize, translate, use for AI-related purposes or claim as your own.
in your absence, aventurine welcomes little thoughts of you that float around his mind with open arms - and the way he indulges them is by simply texting you. effective and efficient, there is a reason why the cosmos calls it the second most used means for long distance communication. what about the first? well, he would've opted for calling you with his earpiece if only his line of work doesn't require 90% of its usage time.
let's just say the idea of fellow stonehearts interrupting his conversation with you ruins the fun. besides, he has deft fingers; coin tricks aren't the only thing in his book, you know, typing a few sentences in one go is no problem at all.
but maybe, he is using that too much to his advantage . . . considering the “25+” staring back at you from your notifications every few hours or so. aventurine is truly, irrevocably relentless.
anything even remotely in your favorite color found within his vicinity? new message: Saw something that reminded me of you, you must really like crossing my mind.
an item he thinks would fit you well? new message: I got you a gift. Does it suit your fancy? [1 attachment]
reminded of how cruel fate is to separate you two for so long? new message: Haven't seen your face in a while. Fifteen hours are a total too cruel, don't you agree?
have faith that you will never grasp the true meaning of boredom when you’re apart from him. luck follows a man like aventurine, so do interesting events - remember how he won a vacation to a resort with one chip? he revels in telling you stories of his encounters while you're away. it is as if thrill revolves around him constantly. . . one wonders just how he fares living on the edge of it all.
(you, for one, are aware of his ways. he has allowed you to wander far enough behind his masquerade, after all.)
of course, texts on an illuminated screen can barely compare to seeing you in person. he prefers having you in his arms instead - but he'll live. solitude is an old friend of his, albeit distant and cold, aventurine can deal with its company every once in a while. at the end of the day, he knows you’ll be there when he comes home.
though, it's such a shame he cannot see your face when you're apart. the curve of your lips as you smile, the twinkle in your eyes with his reflection in them, and. . . ah, seems like he is making this harder for himself. maybe, he should consider buying that HD holographic communicative device on the market? his ears caught wind of some P45 officers at pier point whispering about it before.
it'll cost a large sum of credits but hey, he thinks it'll be worth it. for you? anything is possible.
(...him? clingy? well, guilty as charged.)
sunday’s self-discipline is not something to be underestimated. halovians are a species known for their enchanting voices, yet he feels as if he cannot spare any for even his inner thoughts. what an irony. his longing for your presence is persistent, tumbling at the edge of his tongue - but he is equally as, if not more, stubborn and so he swallows this yearning down instantly.
you are not confined to the dreamscape like he is, as self-imposed as that may be. sunday is aware of that, hence his first instinct is to keep quiet. the curse of sealing his lips till forevermore; watching you leave through the grand doors, letting his gaze fall to where your shadow used to be, savoring the last of your remaining fragrance from when you last bade him goodbye - all without a word.
(don't go, he wished he could say.)
is it a bad habit? “your voice shouldn't be used just to utter words that others want to hear,” you reminded him once. “it's also for you. it's yours.”
but even then, your words are akin to a faint whisper; muffled by the thoughts that plague his mind like a mist. he can't help how they fog up his reflection in the mirror, leaving remnants of something acrid that wafts in the air. something like doubts, sunday would know because he has dwelled in it for as long as he remembers.
you are outside, fluttering your wings in the sky and enjoying what it has to offer. does he have any rights to disturb you? perhaps, in his eyes, sunday views himself as a string tied around your talon, trailing all the way from the heavens where you soar to the humble ground where he resides. each time your absence compels him to reach out, it is as if he’s tugging on that string and dragging you lower from the height you truly relish in, from the height you deserve to be at.
(sunday believes that you belong to the sky, unlike him.)
so here, he shall stay and here, he shall wait until you return. sunday’s heart begins to grow cold - but the farewell kiss you've left on the apple of his cheek hasn't faded. its warmth remains, even when he brushes his freezing hand against it, it remains.
you remain.
(and that is enough for him.)
dr. ratio is a man with a packed schedule, so it's safe to say he keeps himself occupied particularly well. tasks at the intelligentsia guild are nothing short of demanding, after all. there are researchers asking for his input left and right, although some tremble while speaking to him even when he hasn't even uttered a word yet. ignoring that, he also aids in projects that require his expertise. last but not least, his students and classes which he takes very seriously.
(but be careful with how you phrase it — the doctor doesn't view them as distractions, no, he sees them as his responsibilities — saying the former might offend him.)
as you can see, he is perfectly capable of spending time away from you. . . .or at least, until it's time for a break and a part of that perfection chips off.
his office is quite tranquil, free from outside noise, just the way he likes. this place bears a similar purpose as his headgear, to let him focus in silence without disturbance - but he hasn't expected that exact silence to be this deafening. hah, how absurd! in what realm of possibility could silence ever be associated with deafening as an adjective? he supposes it could be a case of tinnitus. . . but veritas knows that isn't the case.
something's missing and it is, much to his dismay, you.
veritas has his standards. he prefers things to be set at a specific level - and this level of silence, one marred further by your lack of presence, is too low for him. he's getting too used to seeing you barge into his office with neatly packed sandwiches in your hands, a revelation he'd rather keep to himself.
veritas reaches for his personal phone, his work one left neglected at the far end of the desk. he considers making a call to you but the clock is ticking. tick tock tick tock, as if to hang the fact that his break is reaching its end over his head.
utilizing whatever time he has left, his finger gives the gallery app a tap. various pictures pop up on the screen; selfies of you with silly expressions, candid shots of veritas himself and some photos of random objects like your matching mugs. all of these were taken by you, of course. seriously, is this his phone or is it yours?
who knows at this point? he nearly lets out a snort, but that smile on his face is fooling no one. the doctor continues scrolling through his gallery, utterly content with just this until he gets home. to you.
(yes, yes, this still counts as keeping himself occupied. thank you for your concern.)
— thank you for reading! reblogs with comments are most appreciated.
#hsr x reader#—stellaronhvnters.#aventurine x reader#sunday x reader#dr ratio x reader#hsr fluff#seelestial.inks#reveriesincups
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You try to repair a watch, Boothill is being annoying as usual, you end up discovering his neurolink perfectly mimics human emotions.
-> Ship: Boothill X Mechanic!Reader (or just tech savvy idk the term really)
-> Rating: Safe for All
-> TL;DR: Boothill visits you after closing hours, nearly ruins a 5 million watch repair commission, stares for a bit too long while you work and overheats for a bit, ends up learning you live above your own workshop and you learn he gets flustered easy.
-> Extra notes: No idea where I will go with these, I just love writing stuff. Next one is going to be more about touching / feeling, but until then, you too can experience casual chatter. I do not proof read, whatever is written is in accordance to Ellios script, go meow at him. Take this "2nd" part as pure world-building.
-> Word count: 2k~ ish
-> First part: here
Thank you for reading and bearing with my awful English. If you have any prompts I would be more than happy to hear them.
"Pardner? Yoohooo~" Boothill was waving his arm like a manic from the front of the counter, trying to catch your attention, but you were too engrossed in your work, tinkering away with some expensive watch you were paid to fix, the tiny gears and springs neatly organized in your table in tiny boxes with labels, while you were hunched over the table, looking through a magnifying glass and listening to music, tongue almost sticking out like some cartoon character while you were trying to place the gear in its place carefully using some precise tweezers.
For all you cared, your shop was closed for the day, so why would anyone in their right mind, or that knows how to read a sign, would even bother you? Of course you didn't take into account a Galaxy Ranger that had a passion for annoying you at random times.
"Psst, hey, over 'ere..." he sighed, "Fudge this". Impatient as ever, Boothill just helped himself with one of the expensive motor oil cans in the counter and stepped around it, taking off his hat and placing it on your head.
The whole motion made you jump out of your skin, dropping the tweezers together with the very important, one of a kind gear, that you could barely notice while it was on your table, let alone on your floor, rolling off into the void like all of the pens you've lost throughout the years.
"WHAT THE FUCK, MY FUCKING WORK OF MY AEONS-" you took off the hat annoyed, hand still shaking from the scare and heart running laps in your chest. Shoving the hat into Boothills chest, you couldn't help but be angry at the man, sighing.
"Damn sugar-cube, didn't know ye were this jumpy. Ye should be more aware of yer surroundings you know?"
"What the hell does that mean. MY SHOP IS CLOSED BOOTHILL, CAN'T YOU READ??"
"Well, not your language no, it's all a bunch of jumbles and lines"
You looked confused for a moment before realizing that neither of you were from the same planet. You rubbed the bridge of your nose, trying to get rid of your furrow.
"Just, shut up and help me look for that gear. AND PUT THE DAMN CAN DOWN"
He raised his arms in defeat, putting down the can of motor oil and looking around your workbench while you were painfully looking for the gear with your magnifying glasses.
"Lotta' shiny pieces you have on the table. Are these really more important than your good old buddy, Boothill?"
"Unless you're willing to give me 5 million, then yes"
Boothill choked
"5 million?? For some beautiful watch?"
"What can I say, some people have more than they know what to do with. Now stop yapping and get on your knees, I can't see shit."
"Is that an invitation, darling?"
"... BOOTHILL!"
"Aye aye, don't get your feathers ruffled like this darling, just sit there and be pretty"
----------------
You couldn't help but be annoyed still, slumped in your chair, fiddling with your pen, while Boothill was looking around. How long has it been already, maybe a few minutes? Hours? Days??? Your work couldn't wait that much, and each ticking second felt agonizing. You were so close too, getting interrupted was the last thing you needed right now. You always had plans, a schedule, deadlines, you couldn't afford the unpredictability that is Boothill sometimes.
You almost got too lost in your thoughts before you heard a sudden thud, metal against wood, and a proud exclamation.
"Here it is sugar-cube, your pretty little thing... Cogwheel whatever. Now can you stop looking like someone spat in your food or do I need to repair this watch myself to make you happy?"
You could swear sometimes he was like a dog, a big doberman. For as scary as he could look sometimes, you couldn't help but be unable to push him away. All you could do was just let out an amused scoff, taking the gear piece in the palm of your hand, and gently placing it in it's box.
"No, no, you've done enough damage already. Why are you here even?"
"Just wanted to pay my best buddy a visit? What, a man can't do that no more?"
"No fixing your body? No maintenance work? Really nothing? Just a visit? Odd, thought you were a busy man"
"Oh I sure am sugar-cube, but sometimes even I need to sit down and relax."
"... In my workshop"
"In yer workshop, yes."
You sighed
"Fine, fine, stay for as long as you need, but don't touch anything that is in this-" you motion around your workbench "general area"
He tipped his hat in acknowledgment
"Aye aye, I'll stay put, fudge me, you can be very serious sometimes."
"5 million"
"Right yes, that's understandable."
You went back to work, trying to finish placing the last pieces inside that damned watch, headphones back on your ears. Boothill was simply slumped on the couch you kept around the waiting area, that barely saw any use to begin with. He was just looking around, bored out of his mind, the silence really starting to get to him. On occasion he's throw you glances, looking like a kicked puppy only to be met by your back either way. Yet he couldn't help but notice the few tics you had, tapping your foot, humming to yourself from time to time, arranging your hair by shaking your head around, and just how damn beautiful you looked in that dim warm light.
By no means we're you prettied up and groomed, after all, working with machinery all day will just lead to one always being covered by oil or sutt, clothes messy, the tools around your belt loud and heavy, but to him, it was part of the charm. The passion you had for what you did, the care you treated everything with, even his own body when it needed repairs. Sure, you two may butt heads more often than goats, but you were the reason he kept making his trips back to your workshop for any needs. He trusted you, felt comfort in your presence.
He could feel his insides start to heat up, his mind trailing off. Sure, he couldn't blush for the love of him, after all blood stopped flowing through his body long, long ago, but his body still reacted from time to time to strong emotions, and now it was no different. It felt, uncomfortable almost, a strange emptiness in his metal gut. Maybe it was the bullets he snacked in like some chips, or maybe it was more than that. He just simply pulled his hat over his eyes to focus and calm down.
-------------------
Finally, after so many hours, you were finally done, the watch ticking gleefully, almost as if happy with it's new look. You sighed in relief, finally placing down your headphones and slumping in your chair, pulling your glasses up.
"Finally... I swear they are trying to drive me insane with all these new 'trinkets' that have way too many small pieces for their own good. How you holding up, Boots?"
"Fine as ever sugar, bored out of my mind, but rested"
"Yeah, I can see that, you've already made a dent in my couch"
"Hey, I helped ya find that gear for free, can't I get some more respect"
"And who's fault was it that I dropped it?" You said, raising your eyebrow.
"Aye aye, sorry 'bout that."
There was a moment of pause
"Say, partner, you've messed around inside my body for a while now. Do you know if there's any functions that might mimic proper human emotions?"
"Human emotions? Hmmm"
You thought for a moment, trying to remember if you've seen any kind of code that might do that.
"I don't think I've seen anything like that, but I've also never like, actually paid attention. There may be some functions that mimic that, after all, you might need them to think and work properly. Why?"
"Ah, nothing important, was just wondering."
"I can always check if you want. Of course, for a price"
He couldn't help but scoff, amused "You were never free eh?"
"Someone has to eat"
"Sure, sure. I mean why not, might as well get this mystery solved, since I'm here and have nothing better to do."
"Then come with me"
You both went inside your garage, Boothill already used to all the steps, laying down on the weird table chair as he put it while you connected the cables to the back of his neck, opening the hologram screens.
"Let's see..." you rubbed your chin, pacing around while moving around screens, trying to find anything remotely similar to what Boothill mentioned, but it was rather hard. Every line kept changing dictating different functions every moment.
"Hmm...."
"Anything the matter?"
"No, I just realized why I might have never seen that kind of function. Your neurolink is adapting to everything you do, so it's changing constantly. I think the only way to spot anything us to trigger whatever made you so curious about your 'emotions'"
"Trigger em? And how the fork do you plan on doing that?"
You thought for a moment, moving next to Boothill, dragging the screens along with you. You didn't really give a warning as you poked his chest with a screwdriver, noticing some changes.
"What in the beautiful sky are you doing?"
"There it is" you just pointed at the screen at the suddenly changing lines.
"Your body reacts to your mental state. Right now you are confused"
"I sure as warm lake I am, you're poking me around with a screwdriver."
"What else would have you wanted me to do? Touch you with my own hands?"
He was about to say something, but you grabbed one of the screens, squinting at it.
"Getting flustered, Boots?" You could almost feel your own smug smile forming on your face.
"Flustered? Please, you'd think I'd get 'flustered' from just a check-up?"
"Bashful... Interesting"
"Hey! Stop saying things and answer me, sweetheart"
"And annoyed. Yeah, you do seem to have those functions, and they're damn advanced to mimic human emotions. Guess you aren't just metal after all. You still have the ability to feel. It's interesting how this changes..."
You got too focused on the lines of code, not paying attention to how you started leaning against the table, your hand extremely close to Boothills, fingers almost touching. Sure, you were just staring at the lines changing, but Boothill was staring at your hand, annoyed almost that he couldn't just grab it, only to be confused over why he was annoyed. You just chuckled to yourself and pushed the screen away, unplugging the cables.
"Well, mystery solved, your neurolink functions exactly like a brain and it sends the proper signals, so your body will be affected by your emotions."
"Great-" he rolled his eyes, standing up and scratching the back of his head "You need a new table, this one is forking uncomfortable."
"I don't take feedback"
"Yeah yeah, whatever you say darling." he just hopped off the table, adjusting his hat.
"H-"
"1k credits"
"Damn, let me finish at least. Fine, you know the drill"
"Nah, I'll let it slide this time. Getting to check your internals can be fun sometimes" you patted his back
"I'll go home, unless you want to guard my shop, you should leave too."
"You don't just live in your workshop??"
"...what...?"
"You know, like, I've always only seen you here, where is your home even."
"Oh... Oh! I guess you can say that? My home is upstairs, I bought the whole building when I opened so everything on the ground floor is the shop, upstairs is my place."
"Ok that makes sense... Can I-"
"No"
"Fine fine, I'll go my merry way then. I'll see you next time partner, and thank you for the free check-up"
"Don't get too used to them"
He nodded, tipping his hat and leaving.
#boothill honkai star rail#honkai star rail#hsr#fanfic#hsr fanfic#honkai star rail fanfic#boothill x reader#boothill x you#boothill fanfic#my stuff
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Today on the Mikey Is Not Abused news
Research shows that 78% of the “Poor Mikey” fanclub claims that Mikey is incapable of standing up for himself, whether that be because he fears further abuse, fears his brothers in general, suffers from intense depression, an abuse sort of conditioning, or *insert other incredulous views here* (Statistics may not be entirely accurate and should be used with caution).
Unfortunately for them, Mikey does knows how to stand up for himself and it has been shown that he can speak his mind to even the main abuser, Raphael, and walk away unscathed.
Astonishing claim, I know, but the facts prove themselves.
Mikey has brought up beliefs on several occasions, but his lack of awareness outside his own mind often disproves his own claims.
Years of leprechauns, cream cheese demons, and certainty in cupcake uprisings have worn down his brothers’ trust in his word on many different subjects. This is not his brothers ignoring him out of spite. This is merely because he has proven himself to be an unreliable source when it comes to reality.
His lack of interest in taking most battles and training sessions seriously grate on his brothers’ nerves and often lead them to doubt his prowess and abilities on the field. Mikey being the youngest and earning all of their must protect with life instincts doesn’t exactly help his case. He knowingly brings much of their wrath upon himself- with tauntings, and purposefully infuriating acts, and the constant reappearance of Dr. Prankenstein.
When Mikey doesn’t go gun-hoe or call Raph out for a whack on the head, it’s probably because he’s conscious enough to know he likely said/did something stupid, or because he purposefully did something annoying.
However, if he sees an injustice affect another by his brothers’ hand, he will be the first one to stand up and correct it.
Mikey is proven to be more likely to speak his mind when it comes to others around him getting retribution that he deems underserved.
IN FACT, a few of the only times fans actually see an aggressive argument/challenge poised to a brother is to Raphael, often in regards to his crass judgement.
Take Fourfold Trap as an example:
“I got the answer for you! Karai’s a lost cause!”
“Don’t say that, dude!”
Mikey shoves at Raph’s shoulder to make him face him and they both begin yelling/bickering/roughly gesturing. Mikey is in no way scared of how Raph will react to this and is immediate in getting physically aggressive and speaking his mind.
Not normally how someone who’s been abused all their life would act towards the main abuser, I think. Not convincing enough?
Well, The Curse of Savanti Romero is another:
In it, Renet is seen admitting to her mistake of letting Romero loose. Raph responds by immediately coming down on her for it, even though she understands and regrets her mistake.
Mikey has zero hesitations about jumping into the picture.
“You really are the worst time traveler ever! The worst!”
“Back off, bro! She needs our help!”
Psychology of most abusers would not point to this kind of situation going well. If this were the case- in no universe would Raphael have relented under his brother’s glare and stepped away, especially not after being shoved and yelled at in front of someone outside the family. That would be seen as a calling for punishment.
Moving away would be letting the abused assert dominance and think that they’ve gotten away with a win.
If this were really an abusive relationship, then Raphael would have had a far more violent reaction to his youngest brother butting in.
Instead, he growled, glared, and then relented. He could tell this was not an issue that could be further challenged. Mikey was standing his ground, intensely meeting his glare, and so Raph stepped away.
Now, have there been times where Mikey felt like he was left out or being ignored and that made him feel insecure?
Yes. Absolutely. Mikey Gets Shellacne is a prime example.
But, have the abusers, his older brothers, been made to share similar feelings of being unable to rely on their brothers at one time or another? Perhaps due to his direct or indirect actions? Why, yes.
Because, as hard as it is to believe, every person in that family has made mistakes when dealing with another family member. Relationships are hard. Not one person, or mutant, is perfect, and facing or accepting insecurities is always a fact of growing up.
Is this to say Mikey never stands up for himself?
No. Not even close.
Is it ever portrayed as something big and dramatic as a focal point of an episode? No. Because it doesn’t need to be.
If Mikey holding onto resentment and depression from how his brother abuse him was meant to be part of his character, it would have been a plot point in the episode where they’re literally in his brain. There would have been the slightest hint of something going on somewhere in that chaotic realm.
Instead, Mikey’s brain welcomed all of his brother with open arms.
And the true, inner Mikey runs ecstatically toward his brothers and into Leo’s open arms for snuggles, no more scared of his brothers inside his mind than outside of it.
The only time that he has thoughts of “my brothers are so mean to me I should run away” is the episode The Croaking, where he takes accountability and has the realization that his brothers aren’t the jerks that he thought they were when he ran off…
“Dude. Your brothers sound awesome.”
“Yeah. They are… Even after I trashed the house.”
Mikey doesn’t often react violently to his brother’s teasing because there’s not a reason too. He understands that his brother’s pick on him, but in reality, he picks on them too. It’s not a big enough deal to point out unless an evil planet is letting Angry Mikey consume all of his thoughts and then everything is terrible.
Mikey can stand up for himself. Mikey will always stand up for others.
And that brings this article to an end. Subscribe for more!
Next time, we’ll discuss why Parasitica May or May Not have a worse reputation than it truly deserves. Cowbunga!
#don’t hold me to it because I will fail you#tmnt 2012#tmnt 2k12#See What I See TMNT#teenage mutant ninja turtles 2012#2012 tmnt#teenage mutant ninja turtles#tmnt donnie 2012#2012 donnie#tmnt raph 2012#tmnt leo 2012#donnie 2012#tmnt 2012 donnie#2012 donatello#donnie tmnt 2012#tmnt mikey 2012#mikey 2012#tmnt 2012 mikey#2012 mikey#2012 michelangelo#tmnt 2012 raph#2012 raph#tmnt 2012 raphael#2012 raphael#tmnt 2012 leo#tmnt 2012 leonardo#2012 leo#tmnt fandom#2012 tmnt donnie#2012 tmnt raph
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About Zayne's possesiveness...
With Sylus calling us "kitten" all the time, I've seen Sylus mains being torn between if they like being called that or not, for some It's totally fine but for others is such a mood killer and I'm not a Sylus main but I'd be the second one for sure.
Then I remembered that Zayne once mentioned that I was his "favorite kitty" or that I was "his pet..." something like that? And I was like "where did he say that and why didn't I cringe when he said that? Maybe this is the effect of love (xD) maybe I understand Sylus mains better? I need to find out"
Then I remembered:
If Zayne is my personal Mr Kitty Cat, then I don't mind being his favorite kitty, we were basically the ones that initiated it and even put cat ears on him... So yeah, the whole vibe of this is totally different from Sylus' pet names.
However... He calling us "his pet" was a whole different story:
The way he lets his possesiveness slide for a second? You know, all of the guys are possesive somehow, they only show it differently, in this case, Zayne's possesiveness doesn't show too often cause he's aware that to be possesive of something is to allow yourself to show your weakness, to implicitly say "This person has a great power over my feelings or my behaviour bc It's mine..." that's why he stops himself when he says "Don't leave it with anyone else or I'll—" and then changes the approach "Do you want to leave it with someone else?"
And as the player, it leaves us hanging... Thinking "What would you do, Dr Zayne? What are you willing to do?"
We have to think about these questions from the perspective of Zayne's persona, of the kind of guy he is. We know the other guys have a bounty and have committed crimes/ killed people, while Zayne has done none of that and it's on the completely opposite side of things: He's a well respected doctor, has saved tons of lifes, is obssesed about saving people, a workaholic cause he knows the world needs him. The worst thing he's done (as far as we know) is that he had to kill his friend William when he was turning into a Wanderer and even so, it was William the one who asked this of him after Zayne desperately tried to save him against all odds.
Zayne is not someone who would even think of hurt others easily, even if he's quite able to cause others harm, just as much as the other LIs, but all versions of Zayne have in common that they're really kind. Sure, Dawnbreaker is a serial killer but we know he doesn't kill people out of joy but instead mercy. Sure, Foreseer was quite severe when MC first met him but It's not as if she didn't deserve it when she literally intruded his place, lied to him and tried to steal his powers (lmao) and we know he was wary of Astra all the time so he didn't want anyone to enter the Tower for their own sake and he paid with his life the price to keep MC alive. Master of Fate was supposed to kill MC but instead he chose to seal her powers to give her another chance to keep on living the life she told him she wanted to live (even without him).
So it's interesting to think what would Zayne do for MC? Us? If he decides to be selfish and fulfill his desires, what would he do? It seemed like he was even questioning himself, showing too much of what he's not used to show (And now with SS we just know how much he needs MC/us).
So that's why he changes the approach. His feelings are involved in this sudden and unexpected show of weaknesses, so he asks us "Do you want to leave it with someone else?" Now asking us about what we feel but not quite giving us time to reply.
The way he calls us "his pet" comes now more like he's gained control of his feelings again and is calling us that as a punishment for making him go through this unwanted jealousy but he's so ambiguous and smooth about it, that is giving "if It's too much don't take it" vibes because he neither confirms nor denies that he was talking about us.
Zayne is the kind of guy that would spoil you and shows his love through different ways: taking care of you and your health, acts of service, affirmation, sparing time for you, having you as his top priority, always offering his time/ himself (Have you notice how Zayne says "My free time is all yours, do with it what you want" while Sylus says "Who is your free time for if not me? " or how Xavier asks "Do you want to sleep with me?" while Zayne asks "Do you want me to sleep with you?"), he gives and gives (and lord knows how much he's tried to change and be more careful about his words and actions so they don't come across as alof, bc yes, Zayne hates to be mistaken as a heartless person) but of course he's also willing to do all that as long as you work for it and earn it too and if you misbehave, he makes you pay for it and knows how to give you a firm "No" when you try to backpedal or get away with it.
He knows (or tries) to balance his depth love by spoiling you while at the same time letting you know that nothing comes for free (even if he'd give it for free). Balance is a word that fits him best in all the aspects of his life, especially when it comes about love. He shows his feelings if you show them too (he both says "I never thought I'd have only one person in my eyes" accepting you're the only thing he sees and he also says "I want to be the only one in your eyes and for you to be mine" expressing what he desires too in a soft way) and when he shows his possesiveness, he's letting himself to lose this balance and he probably knows that you are the only thing that could make him completely lose this balance. His evol seems to be an analogy of this behavior, Zayne is always hyperaware that he could lose control of it at any given time and maybe, when it comes about his feelings, does he feel the same? ("It wouldn't be love if I could control it"). He's scared of hurting you but is he scared of the things he'd do for you?
Especially bc, all his other lifes and the current Zayne have always shown the opposite of possesiveness, they sacrifice themselves and their happiness for your own happiness and your well being. When MC asks Foreseer Zayne "Didn't you say you don't want to lose me again?" his literal reply was "I will never lose you as long as you're alive and well" and when Master of Fate was supposed to kill MC, he chose to seal her powers away even if it also meant to sacrifice his presence in her life (even after he promissed that they would always be together and promissed not to leave her and desired fulfill those promises). Dawnbreaker's only solace is MC, he only yearns for her and nothing else, a powerful quote they say in his anecdotes is "It's better to die with clarity than living as a walking corpse" referencing to ppl that turns into Wanderers but this quote applies to Zayne too, in the sense that he's basically a walking corpse cause he doesn't live his own life. MC is the only thing that keeps him alive somehow and she's not even in his own world. Dr Zayne says "When you and the world wake up, I hope we do not meet again" bc he knows this is the best for you.
All Zayne's are filled with pent up yearning, want, need, desire, to a point It's seems it is about to overflow and he does a goddam good work at hiding it; no wonder why Dr Zayne is taking all the available chances with MC, but even he seems to be aware that this won't last forever and even in such period of time, why he seems so afraid to loose up... lose control of himself? Especially cause Dr Zayne seems to be the balance amongst all Zayne's, he's not as dark and depressive as Dawnbreaker, nor as cold and severe as Foreseer, nor as happy and carefree as Master of Fate but at the same time holds a little of all of that.
So the question here is, how a showcase of the loss of this balance would be? For now we can only imagine and come up with assumptions but I'm quite curious to see it playing fully ingame, you know? Altho I'm not sure if I'd like it if it comes at the cost of him getting hurt again.
#zayne love and deepspace#love and deepspace#lads zayne#zayne#l&ds zayne#l&ds#lnds#Sorry I think about him 24/7#I need to get the thoughts out of my head from time to time ajxldkd
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Hey! IDK IF U ARE TAKING REQUESTS AT THE MOMENT BUT FIGURED I ASK JUST IN CASE!
Imagine Doctor Zayne and MC with unspoken feelings, they both liked each other since childhood but neither of them saying anything to each other about it.. UNTIL
one day MC shows up to the hospital with a wounded partner (Aka pookie Xavier) and guess who’s treating him?? DR ZAYNE.
And MC is all worried about Xavier and putting his hands on her shoulders and brushing the hair out of his forehead and Dr Zayne is like like.. 😡🤨😡😡 but he has to remain professional
ANYWAYS an idea, feel free to make ✨spicy ✨if you would like!
Hiii ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ this is actually my first request and it was so much fun, thank you for sending it! 10/10 idea btw. I followed my heart—it spicy💦
✖✖✖✖✖✖✖✖✖✖✖✖
Zayne often found himself lending a hand across various departments in the hospital, a routine occurrence, especially during periods of understaffing. Despite the extra burden it placed on him, which was often more mentally taxing than the surgeries he performed, Zayne never really minded.
On the days he conducted rounds, he encountered more challenging patients and situations than he could count. Yet, none matched the weight of his current predicament. As he stood there on the threshold of exam room 5, Zayne observed you—concern etched on your face—as you gently swept a lock of hair from the forehead of a pale-haired figure.
He wasn’t sure how long he stood there, breathless, before you noticed him, your eyes filling with relief. “Xavier! He’s here—the doctor I told you about—he’ll take care of you, I promise,” you reassured the man on the bed, turning to Zayne with a silent plea; urging your best friend to ease both Xavier’s worries and your own. Zayne watched your gaze return to Xavier as you assessed his wound, squeezing his hand in silent encouragement.
The wound looked severe to you—it was probably the worst injury you’d seen Xavier sustain while on a mission. In a testament to his promise to always protect you, Xavier had risked everything, taking a wanderer’s claws to the stomach by leaping in front of you at the last moment. You couldn’t wait for him to recover so you could scold him for his reckless bravery, even if it wouldn’t change anything—Xavier would make the same choice again in a heartbeat.
Meanwhile, Zayne still lingered silently by the door, hesitating as though contemplating escape. You shot him a pointed glare, making sure Xavier wasn’t watching, before mouthing, “What the heck are you doing?” while gesturing for him to come closer. You couldn’t help but wonder why Zayne seemed so uncharacteristically unsettled; he was usually the epitome of professionalism at work. Having been inseparable since childhood, you could sense when something was off with him—and something definitely was. But now wasn’t the time to address it, not with Xavier bleeding on the bed, his big blue eyes clouded with pain.
Zayne shut his eyes tightly, taking a deep breath to regain his composure. By the time he opened them again, he was confident his expression no longer revealed his inner turmoil—the struggle of watching the girl he secretly loved show such obvious concern and affection for someone that wasn’t him. He approached Xavier, carefully examining the wound the man had apparently endured while saving you. So what? Zayne had saved you countless times, he was always ensuring your safety and well-being—even in ways you weren’t aware of. Yet, you never fawned over him like this.
When Zayne finally spoke, his voice was eerily calm, his demeanor a mask of professional detachment. “It’s not as bad as it looks,” he assured Xavier. “It will require stitches, and I’ll prescribe a strong round of antibiotics just to be safe. I’ll also arrange for something to manage the pain, and give you instructions for home care.” Xavier nodded, and you felt a wave of relief at the thought of easing his discomfort. Zayne returned the nod and left the room without meeting your eyes.
As Zayne stitched Xavier’s wound, he continued to ignore you, only acknowledging your presence when he dried his hands and prepared to leave. Your stomach sank when he finally looked your way. It was rare for Zayne to be upset with you, and even during those rare times, he had never looked at you like this. Though his face remained calm, a sharp hint of anger and hurt simmered just beneath the surface, startling in it's intensity. “Zayne?” you started, but he cut you off with a flat tone, “The pain medication should take effect soon. It will help him rest. We’ll keep him under observation for a few hours.” Then he was gone, the door swinging shut softly behind him.
You couldn’t think of anything you’d done recently that would warrant such an attitude. Sure, you hadn’t been sticking to his recommended sleep schedule, and there was that time you snapped at him for using his evol to catch a plushie, insisting it never worked anyway. But none of those felt significant enough to explain the emotions you just saw swirling in his eyes. You turned to Xavier, gently smoothing his hair. He seemed more at ease, his eyes fluttering shut as you encouraged him to rest.
You waited at Xavier's bedside, feigning interest in the cooking show on the screen while nurses came and went—but your mind was consumed with thoughts of Zayne. His behavior gnawed at you, intensifying your frustration by the minute. Not even an hour had passed before you found yourself bolting from the room, following the familiar route to his office. He didn’t seem surprised at all when you burst through the door, almost as if he’d just been waiting there for you the whole time.
“What’s wrong with you?” you demanded, unable to hide the irritation in your voice. Zayne didn’t even look up; he simply adjusted his glasses and continued typing. “I don’t know what you mean,” he replied in a bored tone. “Yes, you do! You’re treating me with peak Zayne-saltiness. Please, tell me what’s going on.” Your tone softened, pleading with him. You hated when Zayne was upset, and, as frustrating as he was being— you still wanted to make things right. Placing your hands on his desk, you leaned over to press your forehead against his. “Please,” you repeated, hoping to break through his wall. He leaned back in his chair with a sigh, his gaze unreadable as he looked at you.
Zayne really wanted to avoid this conversation, and regretted his earlier behavior immensely; knowing it would lead to this moment. But as you pleaded with him, words slipped from his lips against his will, drawing him closer and closer to the truth he had kept hidden for so long. “How long have you known the hunter? You two seem quite close,” Zayne inquired. You tilted your head, studying him. “Are you jealous, Zayne?” The question felt absurd the moment it left your lips—Zayne had never shown interest in you like that, no matter how much you wished he would.
He averted his eyes. “I’m allowed to ask these types of questions. I promised Josephine that I would always protect you—It helps to know the people you associate with.” You rolled your eyes at his feigned nonchalance. “Well, I met Xavier shortly after joining Unicorns. We met under… odd circumstances, but he’s become a good friend and a reliable partner.” Walking around his desk, you gently lifted Zayne’s chin to meet his eyes. “I know you’re not—but if, by chance, you were jealous—he truly is just a friend. Sometimes I think he might want to be more, but… I’m not interested in him like that.”
Your words were honest. Zayne’s eyes searched your face intently. “What if I told you that I am jealous?” His voice was so soft it was barely a whisper. Your response was just as quiet. “You… but why would you be?” He gave you a sad smile, his fingers lightly brushing your cheek as he tucked a stray lock of hair behind your ear. The sadness etched onto his face was unbearable, and you weren’t sure if he was saying what you hoped he was—but you decided that it didn’t matter. Closing the distance between you, you cupped his face and pressed your lips to his.
Relief flooded through you instantly—no matter the outcome, at least you wouldn’t have to hide your love for him any longer. Zayne froze beneath you, eyes wide as he watched your lids gently close, a look of bliss washing over your features as you leaned into the kiss. Slowly, his hands slid to your waist, guiding you between his legs as he enveloped you in his arms. He deepened the kiss, a soft groan escaping as his tongue met yours. The taste of you was familiar—like all the times he had pressed a chaste kiss to your cheek or forehead—but now he could fully savor it—every sense was focused on you, leaving him utterly intoxicated.
What began as a gentle exchange quickly turned hungry, and you responded in kind, your hands tangling in his hair as you pressed against him. Rising from the chair, Zayne cleared the desk with a careless sweep and lifted you onto its surface. The intensity in your gaze as it roamed over his body without inhibition, lingering dreamily on the outline of his erection, was almost too much for him. He’d never dreamed you might look at him this way, and now that you were? It took all his strength not to lose control, everything inside Zayne urging him to claim you; to be with you as he’d longed to for so long.
He knew he should stop—he yearned to take his time, to cherish every part of you—a plan he had imagined in great detail over countless daydreams. But those plans vanished when your soft voice pierced the moment. “How long have you felt this way?” you asked, needing to know if he had wanted you for as long as you had him. “Perhaps from the moment I performed surgery on your melted popsicle,” he confessed.
Zayne was your closest friend; you thought you knew him as well as you knew yourself—how had you missed it? Then again, he’d missed your true feelings, too. In a small voice, you admitted, “I’ve wanted you for as long as I can remember, Zayne. I told myself I was content with being your friend… but every day was harder than the last. If this hadn’t happened… it probably wouldn't have been long before I caved and told you.” Disbelief clouded his expression, his breath momentarily forgotten as his heart pounded in his chest. Realizing he wasn’t going to make the next move, you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him back into a kiss.
Your kiss was softer this time—savoring the feel of his lips against yours and the tiny whimper that escaped him as you placed gentle kisses along the contours of his face. With a teasing smile, you began unbuttoning his white coat. “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve envisioned doing this,” you said, as you pulled it off and tossed it carelessly across the room. “Just as satisfying as I imagined,” you confirmed, taking in the scars that trailed out from his rolled sleeves with hungry eyes. Zayne chuckled, meeting your lips again. Not even giving him the chance to gather the courage to remove your own shirt; you pulled it over your head, quickly adding it and your bra to the pile on the floor.
His eyes couldn’t drink you in fast enough. He admired you for a long moment before reaching out to brush a thumb over your peaked nipple. Biting his bottom lip, he gently tugged at the bud, watching your breast bounce back into place. Something seemed to ignite in Zayne then, his mouth eagerly exploring every inch of your chest with a newfound urgency. His teeth and lips worked gently to leave light marks on the soft mounds. He pulled back to admire his handiwork, contentment and desire clear in his gaze. “All mine,” he murmured, almost to himself. But you heard him. “All yours,” you confirmed softly. It was the truth—it always had been. Zayne drew in a sharp breath, momentarily freezing as disbelief gave way to sheer happiness at your words. You couldn’t remember ever seeing him so joyous.
The two of you became a whirlwind of lips and teeth, you marking him with your own love bites while his tongue sought out the most sensitive areas of your skin, leaving you trembling and breathless. Zayne was so lost in the moment that he barely noticed when you slipped off your panties and pushed your skirt above your waist. His attention snapped back when you propped your feet on either side of you, parting your legs to reveal yourself entirely.
The sight was overwhelming for Zayne—your soft breasts, swollen and red from his touch, and your beautiful form; heat glistening with arousal just for him. “Your turn,” you teased with an eager smile. In that moment, nothing else existed for you as he slowly unbuckled his belt, lowering his slacks just enough to free himself. Over the years, you’d caught glimpses of Zayne in swim trunks or boxers—enough to fuel your fantasies. But seeing him now was incomparable to anything you’d imagined. His cock was thick, perfectly so, and the thought of accommodating him sent a thrill through you. It was long, too, with a curved tip that promised to hit all the right spots inside you. Watching precum drip along his length, you couldn’t resist gathering it on your fingertips and licking them clean with a sigh.
Zayne was captivated by the sight of your face filled with delight at the taste of him, your eyelids fluttering shut in ecstasy as you sucked the slick digits. “You’ll be the death of me one of these days,” he murmured, capturing your wet lips in a searing kiss. With no resistance left, Zayne’s touch was uninhibited. His grip was firm as he pulled you closer, your hands tangling in his hair again as his kisses trailed down your stomach and across your sensitive inner thighs. He delighted in the way you giggled when he nibbled on certain spots, soothing them with his tongue, savoring every sound you made.
Your giggles turned into a deep groan as he licked a flat stripe across your cunt, eagerly slurping up your arousal. The vibrations of his groan against your clit shot straight to your core, making your body sing with pleasure. You tasted even better than Zayne had imagined, making him wonder if he could get addicted to your essence alone.
Your murmured chants of his name spurred him on, his tongue exploring every inch and crevice of you, memorizing the spots that elicited your loudest cries. He grappled with maintaining his composure against the tight embrace of your walls around his tongue—so snug that Zayne wondered if you'd be able to take him fully when the moment arrived.
Your soft, slick skin felt incredible beneath his tongue and lips; the taste and scent of you completely consuming his senses. He was utterly lost in you. It was unclear how long he stayed between your thighs, his tongue languidly dipping in and out before drawing lazy circles on your swollen clit; almost teasingly. When you finally couldn’t take it anymore, needing more than anything to finish with him inside you—you pulled him up to meet your gaze. His lips and chin were coated in saliva and your essence, a blissed-out expression lingering on his face. Reaching out, you wrapped your hand around his length, pumping to spread the generous amount of precum gathered at the tip. Your other hands drew him closer as you spread your legs wider, softly rubbing his cock through your folds. Your gaze locked onto his as you guided him inside, his forehead resting gently against yours as his panted breaths caressed your face.
As Zayne pushed deeper, nearing halfway, you too began to worry that you might not be able to take all of him. His murmured words of encouragement were a soothing presence in your ear, accompanied by the gentle stroke of his fingers through your hair as you struggled to accept the rest of him. “That’s it—just breathe for me, love. You’re doing so well.” When he bottomed out with a soft exhale against your cheek, you both stilled, tears forming in your eyes at the perfect fullness of him inside you. “Is this okay?” he asked softly. “S’perfect,” you sniffled, beginning to move your hips against him.
He set a steady, deep rhythm, marveling at the sight where the two of you were joined. Your body eagerly welcomed him, and if Zayne pulled away for even a moment, your hands and cunt instinctively drew him back in. Seeking Zayne’s gaze, your wide, teary eyes locked onto him with a sudden intensity. “I thought that I'd never get to have you like this…never be able to show you how much I—” Your voice faltered, a wave of embarrassment washing over you at revealing so many hidden emotions so quickly—you weren’t sure how deeply Zayne’s feelings ran, and giving so much of yourself without knowing was daunting. His hand cupped your cheek, the look of complete adoration in his eyes soothing your fears instantly. “I understand,” he assured you. “I feel…complete, for the first time in my life. It’s overwhelming.” Your tears began to flow freely at the sincerity in his confession, and you couldn’t help but plead, “I need more.” His hands gripped your hips tightly, fingers dimpling your skin as he pushed your legs further back, allowing his cock to delve deeper. His thrusts turned almost primal for someone usually so gentle—his hands on your hips served to keep you from sliding across his desk as he drove into you.
Zayne needed you—more than you could possibly understand. With each deeper, harder thrust, he felt the ache of longing start to fade as the relief of finally having you trickled in. His name slipped from your lips like a whispered prayer as you felt your walls clench and throb wildly around him, ecstasy pulsing through your body in waves. Your desperate plea, “Need you to cum inside, Zayne,” was his undoing. His hips stuttered, and with a deep final thrust, he spilled inside you, his warmth filling you completely.
Even as his movements stilled and he softened within you, your eyes remained locked. Slowly, a smile spread across your face, mirrored by Zayne’s own grin, and you both beamed at each other like a couple of love-struck teenagers. As he gently pulled out, Zayne drew you in for a lingering kiss, pressing a tender one to your forehead with a soft chuckle. You lingered in that blissful moment, wrapped in each other’s arms, unwilling to let go. Then, a sudden thought jolted you back to reality. “Xavier!” you exclaimed, remembering your friend and nearly leaping off the desk.
Zayne’s grip on your hips held firm, stopping you in your tracks. He kissed you again, determined to push thoughts of the hunter out of your mind. He realized now that he had no reason to be jealous—but that didn’t mean he couldn’t be a little selfish. Now that he had experienced your affections being fully focused on him—Zayne was determined to keep it that way a bit longer.
“He’s fine,” Zayne assured you. “He has an excellent nurse tending to him. You’re not needed right now.” You raised an eyebrow at his new mildly possessive attitude. He continued, “The painkillers will keep him comfortable for another hour or so. And if necessary, I can always order more.”
✖ ✖✖✖✖✖✖✖✖✖✖✖
#love and deepspace#l&ds#lnds#lnds smut#love and deepspace smut#zayne love and deepspace#zayne x reader#lads smut#l&ds smut#l&ds fic#love and deepspace fic
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Consider... Dr. Ratio getting a (yandere?) crush on a student from a different department. Not one of his students. Meet-cute without his stone head on so the student doesn't know he's *that* professor. Poor student has no idea who their new friend is they're opening up to
My favorite request thus far! Im gonna try my best, anon.
I imagine it happens when student reader is running an errand and has to go to the different department for it, and Dr Ratio is someone they meet along the way in a bit of a secluded corner, tapping his foot and thinking deeply, maybe even saying things out loud to himself when student reader chimes in and asks about it. One thing leads to another and you actually end up getting along.
I imagine it happens again, once in a while, every two weeks or so, and Dr. Ratio doesn't quite introduce himself – he probably assumes as a student you're well aware of things, and just doesn't feel the need to, since both of you just talk enough to problem-solve and share opinions and facts. It only starts to dawn on him that you probably don't know him until you bring up one of your classmates who transferred departments talking about their professor with an alabastor head that has no mercy at all. His eyebrows are slightly furrowed as he contemplates whether he even wants to tell you.. but he likes the arrangement both of you have. It's enough that both of you are meeting like this, no? You don't need to know who he "really" is.
And by that time, he doesn't realise just how much he actually likes your company. You open up to him in a leisurely manner, and he's.. pleasantly surprised. Considering Dr. Ratio, I imagine he doesn't actually have people confiding in him, or talking to him normally, since his mind is constantly racing. This change of pace with someone who actually understands him is enough to keep his attention.
Of course, he needs to tone down his own prodding and pushing. Technically speaking, even "if" he's taken a "bit" of a liking to you, you're still not his student.. it's a pity.
He knows the exact classes you could thrive in, the course material he's sure you would devour, and the exact assignments he's recently sent out to his students that he knows you'd accomplish well. Sometimes during your conversations, he throws in a few topics and suggests that.. ahem, Dr. Ratio's course covers thoroughly. It feels weird to refer to himself in third person, but he adjusts naturally, and he has to stop himself from immediately getting on the defensive when you point out your own issues with his infamously rigorous course.
Of course, it has nothing to do with the fact he wants to see you more often, even if it means you'll recognize him as a professor with his alabastor head on instead of your new friend that's a bit eccentric. He would love having you as a student, just the potential you have is enough to excite him. The smile on your face after you solve a difficult problem, your rambling about the amount of homework your useless professors have drowned you with, the chirp in your voice as you call out to him in greeting, still unsure of what his name is.. surely, management won't say anything if Dr. Ratio himself takes matters into his own hands and transfer you into his department?
And when you turn up to his office, his alabastor head is on as he effortlessly shoots down any of your protests.
But.. if you continue being uncooperative, fine. Go back to your own department. It doesn't take much to sabotage, Veritas has learned. Just a bit of setting up is enough to ruin your assignments, destroy some of your projects, tarnish your reputation among your professors.. it's simple. Now, now.. instead of trying to problem-solve, why don't you just listen to that eccentric, strange friend of yours and join his department instead? He'll help you out thoroughly.
It doesn't take long after you've shifted departments, and you find out your strange new friend was your stubborn, unhearing professor.. now, it's a pity, but you'll have to stay after classes. Hm? No, no. He won't bother listening to you. You have a lot to cover, and now that he's not keeping any secrets from you, he wants to hear everything about you in thorough detail. Don't think about getting away, either. He'll talk with security and management to allow you to stay much further after hours. No one's willing to help you escape. Now.. there's so much material to cover, so let him teach you on a personal level. That should get you going more easily.
He decides on keeping his alabastor head aside, staring intently at you as you scribble away the mountains of assignments he's just given. You're not allowed to get distracted. If you even so much as lift your head to look aside from him, or your homework, he's quick to guide you by his fingers on your chin towards him, a scowl on his face. For goodness' sake, at least look at your professor if you want to stop writing. He's still your little friend, isn't he? How about you tell him all about that classmate you were getting so chummy with? Don't lie now – he saw everything. It doesn't matter that he's in a different department, it's better if he knows. You're both.. close,no? This is just something friends share with each other. Or do you need an extra lesson taught by him personally?
#moonink#hsr#honkai star rail#yandere hsr x you#yandere hsr x reader#yandere hsr#yandere honkai star rail x reader#yandere honkai star rail#dr ratio hsr#dr ratio x reader#hsr dr ratio#hsr dr ratio x reader#yandere dr ratio#dr ratio#hsr veritas ratio#veritas ratio x you#veritas ratio hsr#veritas ratio x reader#veritas ratio#yandere veritas ratio#hsr x gender neutral reader#hsr x y/n#hsr x you#hsr x reader#honkai star rail x gender neutral reader#honkai star rail x reader#honkai star rail x you#dr ratio x gender neutral reader#dr ratio x you#dr ratio x y/n
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FEEL BETTER - spencer reid
pairing! Spencer Reid x fem!Reader
prompt! Spencer sees you haven´t been yourself lately, so he searches way to make you feel better.
warnings! just fluff
words! 662
Everybody was aware of Spencer Reid´s lack of interaction with women, so it wasn´t a surprise for anybody when the new female SA made his hands sweat and words start coming out of his mouth like a plethora of nonsense. That however, made your stomach turn, how could a man so gorgeous be nervous around you? You had always classified yourself as this awkward and shy individual, so what effect could you possibly have on a more awkward, shyer man?
All your doubts remained unanswered up until today, a humid, rainy and boring paperwork day, with Prentiss going around chanting god-awful jokes and Morgan constantly teasing you about newfound information on your attraction towards the boy-genius. So yeah, it was a shitty day, add that to the fact that your landlord had called you hours before notifying you of your lack of payment, so you had ditched the idea of having a good day hours ago.
Even within the loudness of the office and own sleep deprivation, Dr Reid did notice your low pitched grunts and silent cries; he prided himself in his ability to observe people. Or maybe it was just you and his ever long infatuation that made everything be about you.
So he thought to himself, well- if you were having such a bad, torturous day, what could he do to help?
He could make you a coffee- no, he had already prepared one for you as soon as you came in that morning, and you were probably going to think he thought you looked awful and you needed energy and you would start to hate him and there would be no more dreams about picnics and solving murders together. No, he couldn’t make you a coffee.
Buy you flowers? Spencer could definitely make a run for the little market right around the FBI´s headquarters, but; wouldn’t that be too suggestive? He liked you of course, but he wasn’t aware of your feelings and coming off as too pushy may scare you into never talking to him ever again and he would rather change his name and move to nowhere before ever having to endure that type of embarrassment.
So no, none of the things that the “How to make your girlfriend feel better” handbook said worked, so what was he supposed to do? Make you his girlfriend and see if that would help? – No- wait what.
“He looks deeply in thought” Said Garcia as she looked right into the kitchen from her spot on Morgan´s desk. “Probably fantasizing about going on a date with (Y/N)” He replied, and while they both laughed together at Spencer´s absence of charisma, you started turning red from just hearing the conversation while passing by. Was the doe-eyed, lanky boy standing opposite to you truly hoping to have a date with you? Still, you couldn’t really believe anything Derek had to say.
That´s why, when entering the kitchen, you made the great decision to ask Reid;
“What are you thinking about, handsome?”
God. If you could have taken a picture of that face Spencer made when he turned around and saw that it was in fact you, and not some prank Emily was pulling on him, you swear you would have. Red cheeks, surprised eyes and a big toothy smile you were greeted with. Maybe you had died, and this was an angel receiving you with open arms in the depths of heaven. Or it was just Reid. Fleeting the kitchen space quickly, you managed to catch him whispering to himself a quiet answer to your question.
That probably was enough to make your day better, possibly even your week, however, when you came into the office the morning after, you found on your desk an overpriced, full of chemicals ( As Spencer would state, despite his 50% coffee/50% sugar disgusting creation) caramel latte, along with a bouquet of white lilies.
And a beautiful boy grinning at you from the other side of the room.
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DR RATIO ANALYSIS: PART 2, ELECTRIC BOOGALOO
SPOILERS FOR 2.1 CONTENT.
Now, you might be saying - "Aurae, you already did one, why do you need a second?" And my answer is, "LORD, I FORGOT TO TALK ABOUT HOW HIS DEFINITION OF 'IDIOT' IS DIFFERENT. AND ALSO HE DOES NOT HATE AVENTURINE NOR DOES HE THINK AVENTURINE IS STUPID." Once again, here is my disclaimer - although I have been researching psychology for a solid six years, I am NOT a professional. (I will be, one day. Just you wait, just youuuu wait-) So understand that everything I say has been analyzed with personal judgement, with my own conclusions, come to with logic and my personal interpretation. This is just what I have concluded, and you are always free to disagree.
This is my legacy. To be an analyzer. So let's go.
Okay, now that my disclaimer is over, let's take off Ratio's plaster head and chuck it into the sea, and see - what does he mean by 'idiot'?
This will be much shorter than my last, so don't worry - I will not be flashbanging you with another 4k words. This is more like a follow up, than anything else, because there's a few things I wish to touch on.
Dr. Ratio doesn't hate idiots in the sense that he hates people that have 'low IQ' or are 'stupid' in terms of being 'slow to understand'. I definitely touched on this in my last analysis, but he hates people who take their education for granted and don't go places with the gifts that they've been given. He hates "idiots" - "narrow minded" people who have the capabilities to do more and perceive more than they choose to do. People who deliberately look away or take what they know and what they could do for granted. He wants to open people's eyes and allow them to see life from multiple different angles and he believes that everyone should have a chance to learn - with the whole "knowledge for everyone" thing he's got rolling.
He wears a plaster head around people he doesn't seem to know too well in order to think more, or so that he doesn't have to see the faces of the people he dislikes. Pretty good roast. However, he does NOT wear that plaster head around Aventurine. Let's listen to the doctor's judgement - Aventurine is far from stupid. Although he likes to chalk up a lot of the things he does to his own luck, he is an INCREDIBLY capable individual who's managed to get this far because of his own form of genius. He's a man who relies on chance and good fortune, yes, but his charm, his way of scheming, and the way that he's good with people? That's skill. A talent he doesn't take for granted. Dr. Ratio respects him for this - because despite the fact that he has no proper education, he has his eyes wide open to the world and doesn't take shit for granted. He learns what he can in order to survive and he does it fucking well - Aventurine is a very smart man. He's observant, quick on his feet, and great at going with the flow and thinking in the moment.
Aventio aside, I actually believe that Dr. Ratio would be a really good teacher to those who struggle. He's patient where it's needed to be, even if he's got a quick temper, and I believe in his pursuit for knowledge he would do his best to go out of his way to find strategies that would work for their individuals. We're all unique, and he's aware of this - and because he wants to allow people to think for themselves, whatever helps the individual works. Depression? He's got a psych degree, I'm sure bro could give you some strategies. Autism? He has a touch of the 'tism himself. ADHD, and not feeling organized? Bro will help you. It's canon that he's a great fucking teacher - those who finish his classes go on to become successful people who are intelligent and critical thinkers. Round of applause for Ratio, the man that kins my father. He's shit at emotions, but great at knowledge.
Also, on that note, I believe that he would most likely hate parents that push thier "gifted" students to the limit without any compassion for the person that they really are. He's most definitely got some of that academic trauma so I believe that bro holds a secret disdain for parents who just use their children to gain more recgonition. Well, not so secret. He'd cuss them out. (Ratio please cuss out the horrible parents.)
Dr. Ratio, the Teacher ever. (Hey, maybe he'd get along with Kunikida...)
Also, I am definitely planning on making a fic where he teaches Aventurine Latin. As long as you're eager to learn and willing to look past the chalk being thrown, he's got a place for you.
Thanks for coming to my tedtalk. I did not read this through, so this is not edited. Take my unedited rambles.
#aurae analyzes#dr ratio#drratio#veritas ratio#analysis#character analysis#honkai star rail#hsr#aventio#ratiorine#aventurine#dr ratio x aventurine#character study
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Jimmy Price stormed into the lab and shut the door closed behind him, making both Brian and Beverly direct their attention to him.
He looked as if he had committed a crime and needed to make a confession.
"I'm going to share something with you but it can't leave this room."
Beverly lifted an eyebrow unimpressed by his theatrics and closed the magazine she was reading.
"Fine."
"You're the Chesapeake Ripper?" Brian asked more for his own amusement but his smile faded when Jimmy's scolding glare was directed towards him. "Alright, alright, go on."
"So you promise you won't tell."
"We pinky promise we won't tell." Brian emphasized.
"I went to grab my sandwich from the fridge. The one that my wife has packed for me. And, after I bit into it I realized it wasn't mine."
"Huh?"
"Not to speak poorly of my dear wife, but the sandwich I grabbed was so excellent that it couldn't have been made by her."
"Asshole." Beverly commented.
"Wait, whose sandwich did you get then?"
"Well, we can do some profiling work regarding that." Jimmy went on. "Caramelized duck. Blue cheese. Fig marmelade."
"You ate Will's sandwich." Beverly concluded instantly and grabbed her magazine.
"Wait, Will can cook like that?" Brian inquired confused.
"Idiot, Hannibal must have prepared it for Will." Jimmy explained as the dread returned to his facial expression. "Oh no...I ate Will's sandwich..."
"C'mon, you can tell Will you bit into it and realized it wasn't yours, he won't be mad about the fact that a bite is missing."
"The problem is...it was so good I couldn't stop."
Beverly closed her magazine again as she and Brian sighed.
"Listen, I will give Will my sandwich."
"Sounds like a fair trade, pal. A ham and cheese sandwich for a Michelin star one. You are lucky Will doesn't care about this kind of things."
Jimmy wanted to say something more but he stopped as Will entered the lab holding some papers, Hannibal right behind him.
Jimmy looked at his friends with the kind of look that says "What the fuck is HE doing here?"
Beverly and Brian had to make an inhumane effort not to laugh at the situation.
Jimmy felt the weight of his crime even harder now that Hannibal was in the room. The man had put all his love into that sandwich for Will and he had eaten it with no hesitation. And poor Will was probably starving.
"Jimmy? Did you-" Will started but Jimmy cut him off before he could finish.
"YES. Yes, it was me. I apologize, I just couldn't stop, it was amazing. It was the best sandwich I had in my life and I-"
"What are you talking about? I am asking you about Alison Brown's blood work." Will was grateful that for once he was not the weird one in the room.
"Yeah, she had diabetes. I ate the sandwich Dr. Lecter has made for you." He confessed again, giving more context.
"Did you enjoy it?" Hannibal asked.
"So much."
"I am pleased to hear that."
Hannibal had already killed Jimmy in three different ways in his head. He had eaten his Will's food. At the same time, he was pleased with the good review. And it gave him a good reason to take Will out for lunch. Will would not starve himself while he was there to help him with the case.
He made the quick decision not to end Jimmy's life that evening.
"You're fine. Hannibal is not the Chesapeake Ripper, you won't die." Will said as he returned his attention to the file he was holding. "Now, what was wrong with Allison's kidney?"
Hannibal eyed Will in a way that held more meaning than Will's colleagues would ever be able to understand. The fact that Will made that comment being completely aware he was the Ripper, made him smile.
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RUBATOSIS || chapter one: self digestion
PAIRING : Dr.Gaul's Assistant!Coriolanus Snow x Experiment!Reader-Insert ( afab, they / them, sometimes it )
RATING : 18+ ( no smut in this chapter, but it's very unsettling )
WORD COUNT : 13, 776
WARNINGS : infidelity ( coryo's engaged to livia ), power imbalance, unreliable narrator ( it's 3rd POV but focuses on coryo's view ), unhealthy dynamics, dehumanizing language, medical experimentation, body examination that has... strange vibes, body horror-esque, coryo and gaul are messed up in this fic, he's more like his book version than movie
SUMMARY : 🙶 rubatosis - noun. the unsettling awareness of your own heartbeat 🙷
Fortune, marriage, and success - all within the hands of Coriolanus Snow, and it still isn’t enough to satisfy him. Tigris has grown distant and Livia is far more trouble than it's worth.
Dr. Gaul has just the solution for him.
A/N : This is my first time posting my fanfic work on tumblr, so I hope everyone has fun reading this. If there are any mistakes, lemme know. This is the first of five chapters!
[ If you want to read it on AO3 instead ]
self digestion || autolysis - stage one of decomposition
Oh, he hated this.
He absolutely despised this.
A click of the soles, stepping against the freshly clean sidewalk, rid of any possible careless litter and debris. Had it not been for others who, too, were using the same path, even if they were going in opposite directions, had he half a mind, Coriolanus would have taken the moment to prop himself against a wall and let out the loudest sound of frustration. It wouldn’t be unwarranted, it wouldn’t be uncalled for. Dare he say, he almost feels he should be entitled to it. It had only been four days, but four days should have been enough time for Tigris to get back to him already. The correspondence was not even something of dire content, at least, Coriolanus imagined so. Questions of Grandma’am, if her time with Mrs. Plinth ( he was not going to refer to her as ‘Ma Plinth’ ) had been going well, how was the solo business venture regarding Tigris’s fashion going, was there any renovations that the home needed, how were they — things that he assumed, wrongly he guessed, that would be so simple to answer.
God forbid that he still had the decency to still check in with his family even after he long moved out into his own place.
If Tigris thought she could play him for a fool, she was the one in the wrong; the signs were as clear as can be, that Tigris was trying to ice him out as much as she could. And after all he’s worked hard for? Fixing the home up, making sure the fridge never stays empty, stabilizing the family. He’s even gotten engaged before Grandma’am could even croak, and is letting Tigris design his fiancé’s wedding gown! What else was he supposed to do to try and gain back her warmth? Dance and clap like a District to make himself seem smaller, more dumb, to please her? There was a lock to his jaw, a small grit in Coriolanus’s teeth, as he sipped down the coffee in his hand, the other in his coat pocket.
He didn’t even wish to broach the idea of his fiancé on his walk to the Citadel. The heavy breath, a sigh, that breached itself out his lips. A hand raised to rub a gloved thumb briefly at the bridge of his nose.
Ugh, Livia… It was a pain to even internally taste the words of her name on his tongue.
It was an arranged marriage of convenience that he sought after, an extra piggy bank that he could expend on; and how quickly the elder Cardews lapped up at his palm when he planted the idea of marrying their daughter. A man who was of the old guard elite families, an assistant of Dr. Gaul’s, inheritor of the Plinth’s fortune, a gamemaker in training? They were downright salivating, that he almost felt embarrassed for Livia having to witness her parents’ stripped to their barest of greeds. The keyword being almost. Coriolanus needed to play his cards right to ensure his future, it was only fair game. If that meant taking his chance with the Cardews’ and their banks, he’d be just the fool that Tigris would want him to be if he turned them away. But, he could reluctantly suppose that the arrangement could be considered an equal drain on both parties. He seized their assets and their daughter seized up his free time. How could he forget the fundraiser dinner that Livia had invited them both to later on in the evening? She was delightful enough to remind him of it while they shared breakfast together, between his bites of quiche so that he couldn’t show a hint of a frown.
Coriolanus sucked in a careful breath between his teeth.
If she could only put herself to better use than just the one redeeming quality of a socialite. There was a slim chance he may have miscalculated. Perhaps it would have been an easier time, having something set up with Clemensia, or Lysistrata.
“Mr. Snow! Good morning and welcome back, Dr. Gaul is already waiting for you in—“
“In Lab H05, got it! And a good morning to you, too.” He smiled back effortlessly to the front desk worker, giving them a wave and just the right, charming amount of teeth with the upwards pull of his mouth.
Entering into the Citadel and seeing the hive of workers shift from one place to another in constant movement; they all tried to keep their voices at a low volume, but there was a constant buzz in the air, as they went from one hall to the other. Coriolanus maneuvered himself around them, slipping his deep mahogany overcoat seamlessly folded across his forearm. Full-Grain leather gloves that kept him warm from the cold, taken off his hands and instead placed neatly into the pocket of his overcoat. What a marvel it would have been for his young, naïve self to bear witness the luxury of a full wardrobe he now had. Never again did he have to spend long nights studying for the Academy besides an equally tired Tigris, who busied herself with trimming down the sizes of his father’s discarded shirts to fit him for school the next day.
It was a muscle memory at this point, the path to one of the many labs that Dr. Gaul had established her practice in. She had told Coriolanus that she had a lab for each different study and project she was passionate towards, ones that were more… presentable, to the average Capital citizen, and ones that were more uncensored. Having worked for over a year under Dr. Gaul’s tutelage, Coriolanus had seen a decent amount, the clean and the vile, but even then, he knew very well he had not seen all. He wasn’t even sure if he did want to see all. Especially regarding what happened last time he wandered around the Citadel during Academy days. The doors to Lab H05 were wide open, Coriolanus noted, seeing it in his line of sight, getting closer and closer. It was inviting, telling any worker to come in and step in at any time ( should Dr. Gaul be around ).
The air here was entirely different from what it was in the hallway. Where the air from when he first entered had been warm, inviting from the nipping cold outside. The vague smell of coffee, and an even fainter scent of something chemical, had mingled and intertwined to give the vaguest illusion that the Citadel could pass for a workplace like any other. However, the lab was as if entering an entirely different building. The lights that shone uncomfortably glaring, fluorescent lights that were hung overhead, on the ceiling. There were small lights, embedded into the floors and columns as well, guiding the path to any who walked in. It drowned the large room in an almost blue light. Lab H05 was one of the “clean” labs. A sterile scent in the air, the chemicals that were so faint in the halls were far more prominent, evident here. But, to the trained nose, there was something faint here too. The rusted scent of iron tickled under Coriolanus’s nose, but it barely registered to him anymore as anything concerning. Seeing the endless shelves of… odd specimens, the scent of blood was the last thing that should ever scare him away.
“Dr. Gaul, good morning,” He kept a steady tone, not one that sounded tired, nor too joyous. Being seen as her “favorite” didn’t mean he could speak to her as casually as he pleased. It just meant that he took her current attention. A fickle thing that could be stripped away at any moment if he showed any less than acceptable.
“Coryo,” He tensed his shoulders the same time she breathed it out in loving fashion. Her back once facing him, now turned as she walks towards him to cut the distance between the two. Since the gap started to form between Tigris and him, Dr. Gaul had taken to using that nickname on him. If it was to be used in terms of endearing him to her, or to mock him with the name that ghosts had called him, none could say for sure.
Coriolanus liked to believe it to be both, if he believed his assumptions of her character were right.
He never once let his eyes leave contact with her own, but he could hear the movement of her prominent, red latex gloves being peeled off her hands. She always thought it to be ironic, to wear such a color despite her profession. It matched the dye job that she had done on her surgical gown. He felt the weight of hands touching either side of his forearms, the smile on Dr. Gaul’s face caused a crinkle in her eyes as she bared all teeth in her smile. He wondered if she knew how threatening her grin looked.
“A morning to you as well. Has it been treating you good?”
It felt as if some sort of warm feeling was spreading out from Dr. Gaul’s hands, through his arms and into his body. What a disgusting sensation, it made goosebumps rise on his skin.
“As well as it could be.” Coriolanus’s voice spoke softly.
Livia drained his energy far more than he expected with her morning rambles and gossip.
Dr. Gaul’s hands smacked against his arms in a laugh, loud and knowing, she always knew, turning around to walk deeper in the lab. “Hah! By the sounds of it, it seems you’re not getting some peace of mind when you head home,” She turned back to look at him, giving him a glance, she was prying something out of him. “That’s no good, Coryo. You need to be in top shape to work, I can’t have my assistant become so… drained.”
The crease in her eyes showed again.
“If this is your preferred state, there is a new species of leeches I am working on. I assure you it is far more efficient than a Cardew of species.”
Well, now it was his turn to laugh.
A dry chuckle that slipped from Coriolanus’s lips, moving to follow Dr. Gaul. Placing his coat on a table made of rich wood, something less… aseptic looking. There were moments where he often froze under the woman’s gaze; a humiliating, bodily reaction that made him feel so small, so vulnerable as he used to be. Yet, it was in times like these, where he could understand how Dr. Gaul still managed to hold sway over people besides just exemplary displays of fear and power. There was a sense of humor to her, if he could call it that, where if a powerful woman like her involved yourself in - you felt so included, special.
“It was nothing like that. Livia just reminded me that after work today, she and I have to attend dinner later in the evening. It’s a fundraiser for the improvement and reconstruction of the Corso.” He turned his sight away from Dr. Gaul’s eyes, not being able to keep the contact any more. Flicking to the sight of the endless, bright shelves that lit up the tubes containing various specimens and experiments. Some failures, some on pauses, some successes, and some were just creative ‘what-ifs’; that would explain some of the seemingly useless fusions, like the jellyfish that had spider legs mixed in with some of its natural lappets, now encased in a resin tube. Coriolanus can’t recall if he was employed at the Citadel yet when this specimen was made. His fingers briefly touched upon the cool glass of it. What a disgusting idea. “I almost nearly forgot about it.” Dr. Gaul hummed at his response.
“Why, doesn’t that sound riveting! What a joy young life is, flitting from one function to the other, all the night-time glamor. You know, before I was transferred to work in the Citadel, I was the same. I thought of giving my children some of my old wardrobe from my youth, but it’s so out of the current trends, it just collects dust now.” What a blessing, for her kids. They could avoid the embarrassment of coming into the room looking as if they robbed the Pre-Dark Days exhibit at the Capital’s museum. The heels of Dr. Gaul’s heels clicked against the smooth, waxed floor. Coriolanus could feel the brief sliver of her heavy presence pass him by from behind, as she went to head over to another area in the room. It sounded vaguely close to the center of it.
“You must be excited, Coryo. Are you going to wear,” Her words paused. She was tasting the air for something. “Ah, what’s her name… That cousin of yours, the one who started her new business a while ago.”
What was the point of this conversation?
“Tigris.”
A brief flare tickled behind his ribs, reminding him of his thoughts earlier before. Standing up from his spot, fingers now leaving the glass of the odd ( sickening ) creature, his prints left slightly behind on the glass. Stretching his shoulders back with his arms, muscles pulled, away from their previously hunched position. Coriolanus walked over to where Dr. Gaul was, who stood nearby another table at the center of the lab. This time, this one was far cleaner, made of what seemed to be a material of stainless steel. In her hands she carried a manila folder, or two, in her hands; her painted nails sifted through the papers carefully. She was writing something quickly down inside of it. He wanted to know, but he held his tongue. Gaul would tell him if it was something he needed to be aware of.
“And I’m not sure. Livia is still picking out her dress and I want to match with her.” He smiled at her.
“Aren’t you a romantic,” She gives him a look out of the corner of her eye, the blue one that matched his. It made his skin crawl, he hated the feeling of it. “Is your heart melting, Snow?”
Coriolanus hopes she sticks to her career as a Gamemaker, being a comedian looks like a bleak future for her.
The smile on his lips grew wider, a small laugh at her words, his hand reaching to cover his mouth slightly to muffle the sound in the large room.
“I wouldn’t say that just yet.”
He wouldn’t say it at all. Livia? Melt his heart? Sure, she could melt his eardrums when she had that obnoxious snort to her loud laughs. It made her sound like a pig, shipped straight to the Capital from the farms of District 10. That would defeat the purpose of why he married her in the first place. It would be the utmost betrayal to himself, after he had promised to close himself after–
“Since you have a date tonight,” His ears perked up immediately. “I’ll reduce the amount of work you have for today, I’ll be merciful.” He wouldn’t argue if she decided to give him more. She pressed a manila folder into his open hands, her grip was tight on it. This was a folder that not many eyes needed to be on. Taking it carefully from her hands, he raised it to his eyesight curiously, catching the sight of the project name written on top of it.
PROJECT: CAPTIVE – A.01 PROMETHEUS
Coriolanus brought his gaze back towards Dr. Gaul. He assumed he slipped a confused gaze at her, because before he could even ask her, she’s already speaking up:
“This is a project I had started around the time you were exiled in District 12.”
His jaw slightly tightened. She didn’t have to use that exact word to describe it.
“It’s far more… unique,” Her eyes rolled around the room as she sought out the word, the moment it landed on her tongue, she locked her sight immediately onto him. Gaul’s smile pulled a bit more at her cheeks, a festering excitement that was slipping out from her internal confines. The threat of teeth in her smile was no longer an attempt of niceties, but far more sinister in its intentions. Coriolanus would argue on a good day that both were the same, that Dr. Gaul’s cruelty was her being kind. “Than my other projects. Far more different than any of my other muttations, this is a beast of a different breed, but one that you and I know intimately well.”
So this was a human experimentation, Coriolanus deduced.
Dr. Gaul would never dare to refer to those below Capital ranks as something human, there was always something else she had to refer to them by. Animal, beast, plague, insect, if it stripped them of their humanity, she was eager to take it. They shared similar sentiments, but sometimes, he had to give them some form of distinct name to separate them. “I’ve actually grown quite fond of it. Usually, I’d handle its tests and exams, but you seem like you need a pick-me-up.”
It should make him disgusted at how easily she could see through him.
The older woman stepped further away from him, into one of the dark recesses of the room. Lab H05 was one of the main center labs within the Citadel, meaning it earned itself the privilege to have its layout be connected to other rooms, outside areas, halls, and the like. It just happened to be, the darker areas that Gaul was heading in were towards the direction of one of the elevators connected to the room. Coriolanus watched her body retreat into the dimly lit area, not quite following after her. He didn’t know why. His hands felt stiff with the folder in his hands. The pounding beat of his heart in his ears matched in tempo with the steps of her heels against the floor. If he was going to move, she was going to need to ask him. She knew too, the doctor knew her own footsteps, and she was very aware when others’ joined in. Turning around to look at where he still was, standing, watching, she looked back at him. Coriolanus could make out her faint silhouette in the dark, but Dr. Gaul’s blue eyes shone brighter in the dark. As if she had tapetum lucidum, how it reflected so wildly. She was not helping the rumors made against her, that questioned if she ever used herself for a subject of fascination.
“Come now, Coryo. You don’t want to waste time.”
A silence fell upon them both.
“Understood, I’m right behind you.”
Walking after her, Coriolanus descended the small set of stairs that she had gone down from, he stepped into the dimly lit area. The manila folder was still grasped tightly in his one hand, at his side. He didn’t understand it, he didn’t understand her. Yes, she said that she wanted to cheer him up, but he’d be a fool if he was to believe that’d was to be the only reason why she was doing this. Volumnia Gaul, telling confidential secrets because she cared for his well being? No, there was always something else. An ulterior motive she wished to serve, or a lesson she wanted to teach. When he was brought back from his sentence of being a peacekeeper, it was not because her heart broke over him. She was not weeping at him having to tread his feet into the muck and grime of District 12. It was because she was holding him up to an ambition that both him and her both wished to see.
“This one,” Dr. Gaul started her words, occasionally turning her head to the side to make sure he was still following her ( he was ). “Started out as a simple curiosity. I had to sit with myself quite a bit to figure out a punishment that would actually serve some productivity.” Her hands reached behind her, flicking at the folder that Coriolanus was holding. He opened up the folder, finally, to look through the report. Whatever the Doctor was gesturing vaguely in conversation, it would be more explicit in her writings. “Displays of cadavers, desecration of the human silhouette, trauma to the cerebrum, these punishments can only go for so long before new ideas must be made. If the rebels expect the same disciplinary action, you can expect them to gain a tolerance to it.”
Squinting at the paper, he leaned his head slightly down to get a closer look of the subject. A small photo was attached to the report by a paperclip, it was a person who seemed to be in a similar age group to his. They looked clean, proper - they wore an ironed, white button up shirt under a dark vest, with unique, yet simple earrings they donned on. Pearls and tiny opals that dangled from a gold chain earring. A family heirloom, if Coriolanus had to guess. They smiled widely in the photo. Their teeth weren’t perfect, their upper cuspid was a bit more pointed in comparison to all others.
They had once been a capital citizen, turned rebel, to… this.
“I wanted to truly push my mind forward, and see if the impossible would truly be… well, possible.” Dr. Gaul grinned at the end of the sentence. Coriolanus lifted the photo up, after hooking his gaze unto the former for a moment. It’s a shame, he thought to himself. How pretty they are, had they not tainted their mind with childish ideas they would have continued to live in the comforts that they were so comfortably lavishing in before. He was curious as to whose family they once belonged to. A filthy curiosity enticed him, a want to digest more at the report at the risk of tuning out Gaul’s feverish ramblings.
“Personally, I outdid myself.”
There was a small desire to curse her under his breath, the writing for the subject’s name was far too rushed and messy to read properly. Did she want him to read the report, or play word scramble?
Dr. Gaul’s steps had stopped, the white noise of her chatter turned to silence was enough to bring his head back from the report. She stood between him and the elevator, holding her hands in front of her, folded. Peeking to the side, the button for the down level was lit up in a glow of red. Her smile widened.
“Curiosity eating away at you, Coryo?”
It still made his skin crawl, everytime she used that name. How frightening it was, that it also brought him a strange sense of the coldest warmth.
“You’ve talked so vividly about them,” Not clear enough. “I want to see what makes you so excited about them.” He wants to see if they could come close to bringing him out of his frustrations. Fingers that touched the edge of the subject’s photo twitched in tempo with the small ding of the elevator. Doors opening, Dr. Gaul stepped to the side. Hands gestured, letting him know to step in first which he obliged. Yet, no other steps than his own followed him in. Coriolanus turned around, a puzzled look on his face when he noticed how Dr. Gaul was standing in the middle of the elevator’s doors.
“Expected me to come join you? You can’t be so attached to my hip, Coryo.” She laughed, her hands reached in between her surgical gown and work attire. Pulling out a set of keys attached to her worker’s ID, she tugged a key off. Dr. Gaul dipped her body slightly in to twist at a lock that had revealed another panel of floor buttons aside from the usual floor ones. This must have been the key designated for the Citadel’s researchers and engineers. He had a private key of his own, but that was reserved for Game Makers. Still in training, but Dr. Gaul had persuaded the others to give him his own copy. “I have other things that need tending to, so you’ll have to have your fun without me.” Pushing a floor button that was labeled C09, glowing red under her touch, she gave him her key. She pressed into Coriolanus’s free palm, closing his fingers to clasp around it.
“You can keep this one. I’ll ask for another copy.”
Was it because this one almost seemed rusted over to hell and back? Coriolanus wasn’t an idiot. He could feel the textured sensation of something that, usually, was supposed to be smooth metal.
“Thank you, Dr. Gaul.” He spoke softly back to her.
Dr. Gaul sent him another smile towards his way, the abominable sight of her gradually leaving his sight as the doors closed. A divide now between the both of them.
Instantly, a breath of air was released from Coriolanus. His head reeled back, eyes closed, leaning against the wall of the elevator. He was now by himself. Free from that imposing woman, he finally could be released from her watchful gaze. Always gauging him, examining him as if he, too, was another subject on her surgical table. Perhaps, in a strange, distant sense, he was. Which is why he likes it far more when their interactions are limited. Even if it makes him feel guilty if he hasn’t spoken to her for any prolonged amount of time.
Another breath, he brought his head back down, eyes open. Opening his hand to where the key was held in his hand. It was frighteningly warm in his hand, most likely from when both Dr. Gaul and him held onto it. The material of the key was dark in color, rust having formed around some of the edges. Spots of dark stains marred its dull shine, it almost looks black in contrast to the key’s natural dark hue. This most definitely was blood, now dried. In his head, Coriolanus could see the vivid picture in his head: Dr. Gaul barely bothering to remove her gloves after leaving the examination room, holding the key between sticky gloves. A sneer pulled on Coriolanus’s face. He pocketed the key away.
He wanted to focus on something else.
The weight of the manila report at his side stuck out glaringly obvious, he still had yet to fully read through everything. His fingers were still thumbing between one of the pages, bookmarking a random place in the report. Should he wait to see the project on his own? Give himself something ‘fun’ to surprise himself with? A discomfort prickled at the hairs on his neck. No, he didn’t like surprises too much. Surprises meant no control, and no control meant chaos that wasn’t under his hand. And what more could be asked, when what he needed to know was right here. Hands flipped back open the manila folder while he waited for the elevator to finish its descent.
On the first page, there was only one photo of the subject, before the project had started. Dr. Gaul was always so thorough, so there must have been more to see. And how he loved to be right, when the sight of more clipped on photos peeked through in between pages. He stopped at the sight of them. These had been nude, taken in what was most definitely an examination room. They must’ve been in captivity for a few days for how haggard they looked. Gleam completely gone, with only a dark emptiness seen on their face. Signs of minimal swelling on their left cheek from when they were hit by a peacekeeper when resisting arrest. Bags under the optics, suggesting either sleep deprivation or developed insomnia. His eyes lingered on the photos that took in zoomed in shots of identifiable beauty marks that were scattered around their body. One around the back of their left acromial, around the sternocleidomastoid, one on the left mammary gland, and another on the right femoral muscle. Unconsciously, his fingers traced along the edges of each photo as he examined them until they traced after the words of ink.
The objective of the project: engaging and testing pain receptors on the subject. By use of non-licensed medication and surgical operations, the subject’s NTRK1 gene was mutated to a certain extent to gain the closest imitation to Congenital Analgesia ( while still keeping the subject alive ). If Coriolanus recalled, in his textbooks, Congenital Analgesia was a condition that always was given to a patient by a pass down from the parent. It was never really something ‘made’, or ‘given’. He could understand now why Dr. Gaul was so pleased with herself for accomplishing this feat. Curiosity was beckoning him, wanting to see more of what the report entailed.
Pages dedicated to each operation, each test done. There were pain charts made, scales from 1 to 10, to test out the nerve receptors. Each test, the numbers on the chart went lower and lower; 10s that went to 9s, to the current lowest being a 6 for the majority of the subject’s body. The more sensitive areas, such as the frontal or the palmar of the body, were around 7 to 8 on the chart. Flipping to the back of the contents, there was a small note in Dr. Gaul’s handwriting.
Today, please take care of Project Prometheus’s nerve exams. The last surgical operation was done last month and they have just now fully recovered. Update the report by the end of today, to measure if there are any fluctuations on their pain receptors.
Sounded simple enough. If this was all he had to do today, then there was a chance he could clock out from work even earlier to give himself space before tonight’s event. A ding finally was heard from the elevator, he was here at Lab C09. Folder closed in his hands, his foot stepped out of the elevator and onto the floor. What a drastic difference Lab C09 had been in comparison to Lab H05. If it hadn’t belonged to Dr. Gaul, Coriolanus may not have been able to believe that this was an actual functioning lab. It almost seemed forgotten by the Citadel, half of the fluorescent lights not working, or blinking at different intervals. It bathed the floor in a very gray, almost vile green hue. The scent of copper and rust was far more noticeable, and the smell of medicine felt almost nauseous here. There were no grand columns in sight, and no endless amount of shelves dedicated to new specimens and ideas of creation. The floors were unkempt, specks of dirt packed into the corners of where the wall and once sleek tiles met. Occasional cracks on the floor, parts of the design broken and shattered into bits of ceramic. The halls were long, with endless doors that ( thankfully ) all were open, empty, or both. With the exception of the large corridor doors at the other end. He could make out the sight of Peacekeepers that stood on guard, near the corridor door and by the elevator entrance.
This definitely was Dr. Gaul’s more… uncensored labs.
Coriolanus took a few more steps into the lab and noticed the large stain of dried blood that dragged from where his feet stood, past the corridor doors. Eyebrows raised at the sight, but his eyes did not widen. Marvelous, the subject might still be rebellious. If this was to be the case, he’d be severely unimpressed. All these exams to change the NTRK1 and nothing done to affect the amygdala.
Sloppy work here, Dr. Gaul.
Pushing through the corridor doors, after giving the briefest of nods and acknowledgement towards the Peacekeepers, he found himself exactly where he needed to be. Entering an area that was entirely void of light, except for one thing.
A large window glass on the other side, showing the examination room on the other side. It lit up this half of the hall, shelves of varying medicines and chemicals lined against the walls of the examination room. Surgical tools were lined up high on the wall, out of reach, not yet pulled out and placed on the side. Today there was no operation to be done. Examination lights shone overhead, and under it was the examination table where Project Prometheus sat.
They sat down so compactly, so politely, knees folded to their chest and arms wrapped around them, their face leaned against the crevice their legs gave. The subject definitely had changed, physically, since the projects had begun. Their skin barely had the warm glow it had in their photo, had it not been for the peeks of color on their joints, he’d assume that there was no more blood rushing through their body. Their hair that once looked so well maintained, luxurious, was cut at awkward angles. Yet, it still managed to frame their face well enough. Figures, that was former Capital genes at work. Their body has taken significant damage since then. Scars of various shapes were scattered all across, bandages wrapped in some areas, and stitches that dragged around entire limbs, like their arms, thighs, feet, even one on their face. As if they were some over-played ragdoll that was patched up far too many times. There was no fight he could see from their eyes, and no anger. Was the blood on the floor halls really theirs, or did that belong to someone else?
This could not even be called anything, but a shell of a husk.
Coriolanus stood there, watching, taking in the sight of them. It barely felt like he was breathing. And that alone irritated him. It’s like his body was trying to make itself seem smaller; as if he was somehow bothering them. He sighed out his frustration, pinching the bridge of his nose. They couldn’t even hear him from the thick glass, what would he be so concerned with? Bringing his hand back down, about to open the manila folder once again to compare their ID photo to their current state - he peeked at their form again.
He had been noticed by it.
His breath felt lodged in his throat, his original action now tossed to the side, as they and him both just… watched each other. Their eyes that had looked so sullen and distant before, were so focused and vigilant of him. But, they didn’t seem scared of him. Their body didn’t look tense, their expression didn’t twist into any wrinkles. What feeling was running through their body? Could they possibly feel anything? Coriolanus stepped away from the glass, slowly, and down further into the hall, to where the door of their examination room was. A peacekeeper stood guard near the heavy door, beside them a surgical gown, cap, goggles and gloves were on a hook. Excusing the other to the side, so he could reach and grab the attire to put on himself. Coriolanus questioned, as he tugged the latex rubber gloves on, if he still wanted to entertain the idea of holding their test today. Teeth grinded inside his jaw, he hated to admit weakness, but it was no lie that they unsettled him when they had stared back.
That probably contributed to why Dr. Gaul favored the project so much, both must take joy from bringing him such unease. A sigh hissed from his teeth, as he put the surgical mask on.
“I’ll be back out in just a moment. I’ll let you know if an emergency comes up.”
It’ll be easy work, and then he can leave.
Opening the door, the sterile smell of the room rushed past him as the metal door was moved from its tight seal and then closed heavily behind him. Their head had moved away from where the glass window was, turned to stare at where he stood near the door, their folder still in his hands. Thinly-veiled sweat was forming inside the gloves, with the silence that fell heavy in the room. He opened the folder.
“Good morning, Subject A01, I am–”
…?
Did they say something?
“...I’m sorry, did you say something?”
Another tense silence fell in the air.
“... That isn’t my name.” Its voice was quiet, slightly hoarse but not entirely. Unexpected, considering their length of stay here. His fingers pinched tightly at one of the pages.
“...What do you mean?” He was not going to call them by their Capital name. They had long since lost the right to use it, after rebelling against Panem.
“Dr. Gaul calls me something else.” Coriolanus was going to kill it if they did not clarify.
“And what does she call you?” This was the nicest tone he could muster.
They spoke it once into the air, still looking at him with those dead eyes of theirs. Had Dr. Gaul been so fond of it to have given it an entirely new name? And they accepted and went along with it? That didn’t feel right, from what he’s examined about them so far. They were a rebel, they had fought against a Peacekeeper, they were dragged around the halls bleeding.
And they gave up their old name?
It had shifted out of its cradled position, their legs dangled off the examination table and their arms were placed on their side. Coriolanus could see the patient gown they wore more clearly. It kicked its feet in the air idly, as it waited for his response.
… Do they even know the situation that they’re in?
“...Right. Well, do you know why I’m here?”
“Not really. I’ve never met you before.” Was context clues also something it gave up while in captivity? “I know the guards, and I know Dr. Gaul. I don’t think I know about you,” They’re a prisoner, it’d be counter-intuitive if people were giving them info about every single staff member here. His mask covered the lower half of his face, but he hoped the slight shift of facial muscle was enough to convey that was trying to smile towards them. He walked further into the examination room, closer to where it sat and where the shelves of drugs and medical equipment were lined up. Their stare was burrowing holes into his back, while he shifted around, opening and closing shelves and drawers to check inside for what he needed.
“Well, I am Dr. Gaul’s assistant. You can call me Snow,” He was not giving his first name to a former rebel. “I’m here today because Dr. Gaul is a bit busy today to handle your check-up, so I’ll be filling in her role.” Gloves shifted bottles around, turning them around to read the labels. The disinfectant, cotton swabs, tweezers, needles, rubbing alcohol, syringes, the bite-rag, marker, he had it all except the custom medicine that Dr. Gaul had made for it. In the instructions of how to construct their exam, Dr. Gaul had explicitly mentioned that they were to take specific medication, as they had helped keep it conscious at all times for operations and exams. It was needed so that they’d be able to relay the ratings, which is why Coriolanus was reading yet another prescription bottle in his hands, squinting in frustration.
“It’s this bottle over here.”
A delicate, scarred hand had pointed at another bottle that sat idly on the shelf. Coriolanus turned his head slightly, seeing the subject no longer on the examination table, standing behind him quietly. Not staring at him, they were entirely looking at where their hand pointed. They were only standing just a couple inches away from his body, careful not to touch him as they stood on the tips of their toes to point at the medicine. With this proximity, it was easier for him to get a closer look at them. The stitches on its body were done with thick, prominent threads; there were far more beauty marks he could pick out on their face that the photos didn’t display. The patient gown was made from a material far thinner than he expected, a visible silhouette could be seen from underneath the flimsy cloth. His mouth felt unusually dry.
A cold chill trickled down his spine. He barely noticed them. He doesn’t even think it made a sound when it moved.
“Careful, keep your space from me.” He spoke, a careful warning to their ears and a threatening promise on his. He didn’t want to risk being so close to them like this, he barely knew the extent of how violent the project could possibly be yet. Still, they listened, backing away from him and putting their hand back down to their side. Both it and him stared at each other again, the tense air dancing back inside the room. They looked as if they had wanted to say something, and Coriolanus, internally, felt almost violent for how demure they were being with him. It repulsed him, how it felt almost endearing if he looked at them for a second more.
“Is something wrong?” Eventually he bit the bullet, speaking first between the two of them. He can’t bear another moment of silence with it.
“... I don’t need a bite-rag. I don’t think I really scream much anymore.” They still had an issue with explaining context to him more, he’ll tell Dr. Gaul that needed some work lat– His jaw ticked… Why did he care about your abysmal social skills? It was a captive, it had no one to speak to other than their own captors. Pulling down their prescription from the shelf, a dark, thick liquid, he said in return: “It’s best to have it on hand, just in case you need it. Now, return back to the examination table.” For a split second, he thought he could see their gaze soften at him. Were they seriously entertaining the idea that he was being nice to them? Coriolanus just didn’t want to deal with their sounds while he worked. It’d be like trading one screaming fit for another, for when he had to go on his date with Livia later in the evening.
They nodded, and followed his command, walking back to sit on top of it. Their body was sitting in his direction though, observing, waiting for him. Coriolanus still felt unsure about them, but… it was strange, their obedience. It made him suspicious of its intent with all this. Trailing back to the center of the examination room, he placed all the tools on a metal tray. Pulling out an exam stool from under one of the tables, he set the syringe to the cap of its prescription. He pulled the plunger of the syringe up, watching as the barrel filled up with medicine, until it sat nicely. The needle left smoothly from the cap, and a drop of the liquid dangled at the edge of it. This form of silence he liked far more better.
“...Do you have family, Dr. Snow?”
So close. Coriolanus flicked the needle harshly, the drop hitting somewhere else. He placed the ready syringe down, and picked up the black marker. Turning back towards them, their head rested in their palms, watching him intensely.
“That’s none of your concern. Now please, remove your gown so we can get started on the examination.” Grabbing the stool to pull it underneath him, he got comfortable in the seat while it moved to get up. As their hands reached behind them to undo the tie around their waist first, it still spoke ( much to his chagrin ).
“I was just wondering since Dr. Gaul usually talks whenever she comes to visit.” That explained why their throat was not as hoarse as he was expecting. Dr. Gaul was treating her trials with them as a morning brunch. “She sometimes talks about her day, or talks about her family.” They loosened the tie around their waist, the fabric more flowy around their lower body. Coriolanus stared intently, taking in the first peek of skin. Looking past the scars, despite the stitches pulling at parts of their skin, and the dented scars, their skin looked soft, malleable. They must’ve been popular on weekend nights, back then. Their hands reached up to undo the tie around their collar. Rather than watching him while he worked, it was his turn to watch them. There was that beauty mark on their left acromial. Eyes leisurely trailed back up to their fingers, the smallest note with how it fumbled around behind them to untie the flimsy string. Their movements were clumsy, in his eyes, which almost surprised him. “She likes to talk about her three kids often.”
Coriolanus looked away from their stitched fingers, confusion on his face.
“Dr. Gaul only has two kids.” He’s seen the photos she has in her office. She has two sons, both who have gone on to have families of their own. Not once has she mentioned a third kid, Coriolanus isn’t even sure it was possible at her age. Didn’t menopause usually affect a person’s chances of getting pregnant? Maybe it was a secret child she had abandoned at the maternal ward while dropping off her resignation as an obstetrician.
“No, she has three. She told me their names: Caius, Martius, and Coriolanus.”
Oh.
Oh, now that’s…
“I see. You must be closer to Dr. Gaul than I am.”
He didn’t know what to really say to that. There was really nothing for him to go and argue about, especially with the patient. Coriolanus couldn’t quite outright say that the third child was him, especially when he specifically told them to refer to him by his last name. And if he revealed that this was an entire lie on Dr. Gaul’s end, he wasn’t quite sure how the woman would react for doing so. It wasn’t his place, when he had no idea what Gaul had wanted to achieve. He understood the physical punishment and hypothesis being put upon Project Prometheus, but he had yet to understand where the emotional, and the mental, aspect of this punishment was. Dr. Gaul will tell him if it was needed, or he’ll figure it out based on his own conclusions. That must be one of the purposes Dr. Gaul had assigned this task to him.
“Alright. I’m done.”
Coriolanus blinked. He didn’t even realize he lost focus on them, he let out a small exhale as he lifted himself from the exam stool, marker ready in hand.
“Right, for the next step of this exam, I need to…”
Words trailed off for him.
What an entirely different view it was, from before, looking at them only from the back. From behind, it was just read to him as a large canvas of skin that had already been stained and painted on. Nothing that gave way to what person under the flesh could be. Yet, the front… There was more to regard and take note of, a far more different feeling than just having viewed from the photos alone in the reports. If he were to ignore the marks left on their body, had they stayed perfect from before, he could’ve made the argument about their body being more alluring than the average Capital citizen. That familiar, dry feeling touched his throat again. What a waste, for genes like that to be wasted on a rebel. There were more beauty marks and moles in the front, along with more stitches and scars. Coriolanus could see the surgical scars that were healing between their pectoralis major area. A curiosity rose, questioning how scarred tissue would feel under his gloves. He raised an eyebrow, as his gaze dared to move to a lower section on their body. Must be for easier mapping, that Dr. Gaul decided it was best to have their pubic area shaved clean.
“...Dr. Snow, are you okay?”
His tongue darted out to lick his dry lips under the surgical mask.
“Fine, just thinking about Dr. Gaul’s instructions.” He was going to go insane before he could even head to the fundraiser tonight. Coriolanus reached his free hand out, hovering it over their shoulder area, guiding them to stand closer to the area between the exam table, and his stool. He took note, that despite the way their body has changed since their captivity, their body still held a warmth that radiated off from their skin. “Stand here, please. For this next step, I’ll be using this marker here to map out the different muscles and areas on your body. Are you familiar with this?”
The subject nodded, a yes from their lips.
Good.
The sound of the marker cap popping off filled in the lack of words on Coriolanus’s part, the black cap falling on the tiled floor and rolling off to a dark, distant corner of the room. “For today, we’ll only be focusing on the external pain chart. Meaning skin surface only,” He lifted the subject’s hair, pushing up against the subject’s head, strands that were long enough to block full access to the neck. Bringing the marker up, he pressed down the chiseled tip of alcoholic ink on the subject’s skin, making the first section of dotted lines. Writing on their skin in careful, small letters, the areas that compromised their neck; the semispinalis capitis, the levator scapulae, the rhomboid minor–
“How long have you worked for Dr. Gaul?”
Fingers nearly stumbled in drawing when the muscle stretched in movement, he lifted the marker carefully away from its skin. The idea of putting in Gaul’s suggestion box the order of a mouth gag was becoming all the more tempting to him.
“It doesn’t concern you.” Coriolanus responded, coolly.
He pressed the marker back down on its skin, moving himself to the anterior of its body. Between his gloved fingers, he held their chin. The muscle limp in his hands, letting him lift their chin up to show more, exposing the unfolded expanse of their skin. The project was an annoying one, but at the least,they were a pliant one. The black dotted lines drew itself across the subject’s body: the sternocleidomastoid, the sternohyoid–
“How has your day been so far, Dr. Snow?”
Would Dr. Gaul throw him to the curb if he strangled one of her projects?
Coriolanus lifted himself slightly from his leaned down angle, his fingers that once lifted its chin up, had pulled their chin back down to look at him eye to eye. Its gaze stared back at him with such emptiness, a lack of anything to be seen, no anger, no defiance, no discomfort, not even joy. His eyebrows narrowed down slightly as he took in the face that held no question to how, and what, manner he held their body in. Were they trying to please him? Make his guard drop down by asking questions, hoping that he’d become more sympathetic towards them?
“Dr. Gaul isn’t here. You are under no requirement to attempt conversations like you’ve done with her.” He spoke, trying his best attempt at sounding sympathetic to their ears. That would be the easiest explanation. The soul of them was sucked out by Dr. Gaul forcing them into an illusion of a grotesque socialite. That’d explain away the project’s incessant speaking.
Yet, the subject had tilted their head under his fingers. The slightest push against his grasp.
“... Do you not like talking, Dr. Snow? Dr. Gaul always looks so happy when she’s talking.”
So they were trying to suck up to him. He locked his teeth. And to think, he was giving them a chance of redemption, by assuming that they had been conditioned to engage in meaningless conversation. Maybe he was wrong about their obedience. There was still a spark of a rebel within them regardless of their time, their experiences, in captivity.
“I only ever see Dr. Gaul, so I got excited to see someone new. I’m sorry for upsetting you,”
They could’ve fooled him with that tone of voice. They sounded as dead as their eyes had looked. Yet, Coriolanus bit his bottom lip as the doubt touched his head; the subject’s stare, if he gazed deeply enough he felt as if he could almost make out a sullenness to them. Were they legitimately apologetic? He didn’t want to even know the answer, he just wanted to finish this job as quickly as possible. He let go of their chin, releasing it. Gloved fingers now traced the space between their shoulder and collarbone, the subject angling their neck to the other side to give him room. He brought the marker back down to their skin, more dotted lines appearing under his wake.
“... What exactly is your relationship to Dr. Gaul, if I may ask?” He hated them, he decided. He hated how quickly they managed to rope him into this dumb small talk. It was almost audible, the sound of the subject blinking, feeling their gaze boring under the layers of his clothes. Did he say the wrong thing? Did they not want conversation? He adjusted the weight of his stance, uncomfortable under the silence the subject had unwillingly placed him in. Was he not doing what they wanted, was that not enough for them?
“Dr. Gaul is…” Their words trailed off. They were trying to find the words, unsure of what to say to him. They most likely didn’t want to try and insult her, considering her assistant was in the room with them. They don’t want to risk possibly earning more punishment. Project Prometheus may have been smarter than what he initially assumed. Coriolanus moved back to the posterior, hands trailed themselves across the subject’s shoulders, feeling, to remind him of the muscle underneath before he marked it down. Trapezius.
“Dr. Gaul is my caretaker, I think.”
Well isn’t that something unique.
If the subject had decided to say captor, overseer, punisher, he wouldn’t have cared. It would’ve been honest. Caretaker? That was something different, that was something sympathetic. The thought of them turning this twisted dynamic into something heartfelt, fell sour on his tongue. It made him feel repulsion towards them. Why bother to lie? “Tell me about that.” His voice was soft, inviting the project to open themselves to him. As the marker continued to mark their skin, Coriolanus took one of its arms under his hand. The subject’s fingers twitched slightly, when he brought his hand under theirs. Their hand was not that big in comparison to his own, unable to fully fill out of his palm. The fingertips were usually the more sensitive parts, when it came to sensations. He hummed. Adductor pollicis.
“...I’m not sure how to describe it well.” They sounded unsure. Spending this extended amount of time with them, Coriolanus could make out the slight tonal differences they had in their voice. It was very small, though. The muscles in his hands seem to slightly tense.
“Do your best for me.”
Their fingertips, the slightly yellowed nails, tapped slightly at the latex material of his gloves. Almost as if fidgeting to gather the words, the right ones, to say to him.
“Dr. Gaul has always been… someone there, I suppose.” Because she has to. “The guards are there too, but they don’t really notice me in the way Dr. Gaul does.” He wrote down on another part of the subject’s arm, drawing another dotted line. Brachioradialis. “Even though the tests kind of hurt, but I’m getting used to it now, she’s been the only one so far to give me a name, a birthday, check up on me, tell me about her day,” He was almost impressed at how their were trying to upsell the ‘normalcy’ of their captivity. A new name and birthday? Maybe the secret third child of Dr. Gaul wasn’t him, but actually them instead. He almost laughed aloud at the prospect of it. Coriolanus turns to the other side of their body, taking the other arm of the subject to write on after finishing the other. Biceps brachii. “That’s like a caretaker, right?” And now it was asking for his confirmation? It truly does want to appease him. He let out another hum, as if he was thinking to himself when he was going to go along with their delusions. “It sounds like Dr. Gaul cares a great deal for you.” He lied to them.
Making his back to the anterior of the subject’s body, he stood in front of them, the subject tilting their head up to him. Project Prometheus was shorter, in comparison to him, standing at eye level against his chest. Latex touched the area of the linea alba, Coriolanus kept his gaze steady on them and they did the same. There was a silence that fell between them, but it felt so uninviting to him now that he finally had it. The subject still held their indifference, their apathy, and he wanted to know why it bothered him so much when he should like how easy of a prisoner they were being. No, there had to be something more. There was always something more. His fingers dragged down their skin, and his marker followed behind, writing down the names of the muscles he touched. The subject had moved their arms, and Coriolanus tensed for a second, thinking they were finally going to react, going to grab him, hit him, something – yet, their arms shifted away from the angle of his body, moving in to hold the muscles of the pectoralis major up in their hands, cupping them. They were making more room for him to write on their upper abdomen.
Coriolanus loathed them.
Had he had half the control, he would’ve smacked the stitched hands away. He liked it far more when they acted like a ragdoll, instead of this game of pacification it was trying to play. Writing down on the external oblique aponeurosis, he brought his hands back up their skin until it rested under their wrists. He held both their wrists on either hand. “Please, bring your hands down so I can continue mapping.” The words came out more as a whisper than he had intended. They instantly had listened to his command, letting their arms fall back on either side and their chest exposed to him. His eyes lingered briefly on the sight, taking in the small details that made the subject unique. The beauty mark on their left mammary gland, now in his line of sight. No longer blocked by the limit of only just a photo. There was that dry feeling in his mouth again.
Carefully, bringing a hand up, gauging their reaction, he held one of the mammary glands in his free hand and a marker up in the other. Judging their face, they seemed neutral, no frown or smile, no wrinkle, no squint. He could assume there must have been discomfort under those dark pits for eyes. He knew that’s what he felt, doing this right now. Coriolanus wondered if it would have been better or worse, if Project Prometheus were to be more… reactionary.
“Let me know if anything bothers you.” Dotted lines followed after his hand. He’d take it, the laborious small talk. It was much more preferred right now than this tortuous silence that had fallen between them. Thick and constricting, had it gone on any longer, Coriolanus knew he would drive himself internally insane if he was to be left alone to his own thoughts. If Project Prometheus had done nothing while he was holding onto their very own breasts in his hands. Had it been any other person, they would’ve squirmed under his touch. Possibly even a twitch to unconsciously move away, as the marker moved against the skin of the areola. The mapping of the right gland was dotted and marked completely.
“You don’t bother me.”
Now, that felt deliberate.
Ink halted, stopping after writing out the final letter of the pectoralis minor. The words were written next to the beauty mark he had noted before. Coriolanus was tempted to make dotted lines around the area, as a place of special interest, though marks like these were no major muscle or nerve. Blue eyes had looked up through thick lashes, he slightly lifted his craned head up to get a better look at the subject. Peering towards their face, he didn’t know why he expected anything different. It was the same look of disinterest, the broken lights hung above them casted a haunting shadow over their face. Did he also look similar, when they stared back at him? In certain angles, despite the unnerving look the room had given them, Coriolanus might’ve thought their eyes seemed naturally soft towards him. Innocent, maybe.
Did they see nothing wrong with what he was doing? … Or had all the tests and operations ruined not just their nerves, but fried them, that their sense of danger seemed near non-existent?
Was this another form of appeasement that it was trying to pull on him?
Unconsciously, his hands had released themselves, finally, from holding onto Project’s Prometheus’s breasts. Both now marked, his free hand slid down the expanse of their abdomen. The ridges and bumps of their scars and stitches were felt briefly, the full grasp of the sensation blocked by the barrier of latex rubber wrapped around his fingers. Not once did he look away from the subject as his hands made its way down, and neither did Project Prometheus. His hand stopped at the tensor fasciae latae. Something was wrapping itself around the cavity of his chest, making the activity of breathing a difficult feat for him to do. Coriolanus didn’t know what he was doing. Was he trying to garner a bigger reaction from it? An attempt of possibly stirring violence, even?
Maybe it was delaying his own discomfort, he realized. Looking down, he stared to see the spread of skin below that had no splotches of black ink. They were shorter than him, he’d have to get down on his knees if he wanted to have clear and easy access to mark its legs. How humiliating… Having risen up through the ranks and bringing the Snow family back to its rightful place of acclaim and fortune; only to fall back down on his knees to a prisoner, a former rebel. If the other families caught wind of this, he’d never hear the end of it.
Reluctantly, still holding onto their hip, his body moved itself to the floor. Knees touched against the uneven grout of the tiles, the position a bit awkward. He was thankful, for the surgical gown he wore, that the vile floor of the examination room wouldn’t stain against his clothes. Tracing his hand down to the stitch mark path of their leg, he rested it at the back of their thigh. Coriolanus tilted his head up, ready to command that Project Prometheus moved their leg more towards him. But, his words fell into a silent, held breath as he gazed up at them from his position. The shadow that had cascaded over their face briefly from before was now entirely enveloped around their body. Sickly green fluorescent lights shone above their head, akin to a haloing effect. Illuminated around the edges of their body, their hair, the subject still looking at him. Only him, and nothing else. A thrumming noise was loud in his ears; it felt dangerous. It felt like a warning that something was wrong here. He had felt it before.
Project Prometheus moved its leg forward, more into him, without a word ever spoken between the two of them. How pliant it was with him.
He pressed the marker against their skin as thank you, dipping his head back down to their thigh. It would be risky, if he lost focus. There was still so much he had yet to know of the subject, the layers that were contained behind the flimsy shield of flesh and tissue. He dotted the area of the vastus medialis, careful not to press the ink against the subject’s stitches so as not to irritate the healing skin there. Maybe its attempts of appeasement were working on him. Not once did he think he’d have a shred of enough care to think about the possibility of ink seeping into their wounds.
He marked down the region of the knee. Patella.
“...You’re a very gentle person, Dr. Snow.” The subject spoke quietly, in a whisper just loud for him to hear. “You treat me so carefully, I barely feel a thing when you hold me.”
It mistook his lightweight hands for kindness. Reality was that he was just wary about setting them off.
“Does Dr. Gaul not treat you in the same manner?” The words came out softly from him. Reaching now the ankle of the subject, gloved hands reached down underneath the sole of its foot, lifting it up for better writing access. Instinctively, Project Prometheus placed their hands on either side of his shoulders so as to not fall. Their body leaned itself more into him, using him as a steady weight of support. The proximity of their small body bent over his, the glare of the fluorescent lights was entirely swallowed up, casting a dark shadow over him, blocking the light from reaching him. Could they feel, under their ragged fingers, the tenseness in his body at their action? If the subject wanted to, they could easily go in to attack him in this vulnerable position. He’d do the same if he was in their position. He continued to write, marker steady in hand. There would be no satisfaction to be gained for the subject, in seeing him stumble and cower.
He wrote the words ‘abductor hallucis’ on their foot.
“She… does not treat me rough, no. If I had to describe it, I think the word for it is more… ‘inanimate’.” He doesn’t quite recall if a new law was passed that required captors to treat prisoners humanely. It sounded as if it was trying to recall certain words again. Should the exam go entirely smoothly with no problems, he might feel generous enough to convince Dr. Gaul to bring Project Prometheus a dictionary for them to study up on. Not like it would do much. It wasn’t like they had anyone to really practice their knowledge on.
Coriolanus wondered what the prisoner was exactly before all this, back when they were formerly Capital. They lacked the air of dignity and ignorance that most Capital elites donned well, but maybe that could be attributed to their decay while staying here. Or perhaps the prisoner had come from a small, simple family. The kind that handled all the manual labor that the Capital never liked to speak loud about. The workers who were hardly ever seen, or acknowledged. That could explain why he never heard any recent fuss over a family’s child being ‘sent away’. No one would ever care for a background prop.
It held onto his shoulders more tightly, as he adjusted the subject’s position. It didn’t want to topple over him.
Project Prometheus's right foot now marked accordingly, he placed its foot back down on the rotten floor. Ready to reach his hand to hold onto their left, the subject moved without the need for his touch. The left leg was gestured forward for him. How sweet of them to realize a pattern. “I don’t mind it, though. As long as she still talked to me.” How fascinating. The subject was pacified by the easy act of conversation. Such a simple thing to be pleased by, Coriolanus could think they were joking. Regardless of how things were going so far, he still didn’t forget it. The bloodstains on the halls was something he could not erase so easily. That suggested, no, it told him, that Project Prometheus had something up their sleeve still. Though, nothing had occurred. Nothing had happened because they were still speaking to each other. Coriolanus continued to write on its foot. Lumbrical.
“...Do you get upset if she doesn’t speak to you?”
He couldn’t help but ask.
He wanted to know. He needed to know.
“...I get lonely, and sad.” Was it trying to downplay its emotional reactions to him? “I wonder if it's because I did something wrong to upset her.” If a prisoner of his tried to fight back numerous times during their captivity, he’d get annoyed too. It was strange, though. Coriolanus knew that morals and values were of no concern for Dr. Gaul, especially against rebels. Any torture, punishment, placed on them was not seen as being done onto another person, but just another animal, a specimen in her collection. It would not be above Dr. Gaul to cut off a limb, or two, to get a prisoner to stop fighting. So… why not do the same here? Perhaps, this form of mental and emotional punishment was more lethal than he assumed. Another curious test from the mad woman, it was impossible to ever understand her whims.
“Sometimes, I think it might be one of her tests.”
Coriolanus didn’t say those words.
He didn’t like this. Such a statement, spoken so simply, brought him a sick swirl of unease.
The movement of ink had halted, yet his mind continued to race. The thin hairs at the back of his neck stood at its ends, and he held tightly onto the marker in his hand. Quietly, carefully, he placed the plantar surface of Project Prometheus’s foot back down on the uneven tiles below the both of them. Reaching his hands up to his shoulders, where the subject’s extensor retinaculum were, he held onto it firmly. The subject put up no sign of objection. Sweat was slowly building up under the tight material of the gloves he donned on, but it was not a sweltering warmth. It was a cold, clammy sensation.
“What do you mean by ‘one of her tests’?” Punctuating the words at the end, he kept his tone inquisitive, curious. Perhaps, a dabble of suspicion. Not towards the subject, but more towards the matter. What was needed in this situation was caution, and he’d be a gutted fool if he was to let the rebel become aware of how much the question startled him to his core. For right now, he’d play the gentle, confused assistant that it assumed of him before. He already told the lie of it knowing Dr. Gaul better than he did.
“Her tests,”
It spoke as if he knew! He knew very well what it was. What once was a flash of fear, had become a steady stream of anger. He knew because he is Dr. Gaul’s assistant. It was his job to follow in the steps she’s placed out for him, and more. Why would a prisoner, a subject, know about the ways Dr. Gaul operated? How much does Dr. Gaul tell it in these ‘conversations’?
It made him sick, that the lie he told before could actually become true.
“I never notice it until it’s done, until she tells me at the end. She never shares the results with me.” For once, he is tempted to strip his pride and beg for more details. “Most days, it’ll be physical tests, like today. Others, it’s more… talking, or writing.”
“Writing?”
It came out quickly before he could properly think his words over. He doesn’t recall seeing possible writing exams in Subject A01’s report. To be fair to himself, he did skim it briefly since he was only just now introduced to the project. There wasn’t much time for him to familiarize himself with all the tiny details written inside. At least, the things that were legible.
“Dr. Gaul hands me scraps of paper and just asks me to write what I think. Like uh, a journal…I guess.” Keeping a diary couldn’t be the only test Dr. Gaul was having it do. If writing random streams of thought was enough to be intellectually challenging, he wouldn’t be seeing students at the University fighting to win passing grades. “I don’t understand the reason why, and I never remember what I write. My memory is not the best.” It was giving him an excuse to try and shift the conversation. How funny it was, trying to take control of the situation. He’d never let such a thing happen. In this examination room, there was only one person and a subject, the dynamic that was at play was clear. The grip Coriolanus had on their extensor retinaculum tightened, an unconscious movement on his part. Project Prometheus had taken in a soft breath of air at the action, the sound loud enough between the both of them. Had it not come from a prisoner, what a sweet sound it could’ve been.
“Could you explain it to me,” His voice came out softly, despite the gnawing irritation that he held back. The tight grasp he had loosened, one hand stroking down a careful thumb down the stitched wrist of the subject in gentle circles. He shifted in his kneeled position, adjusting to a more comfortable weight as the layers he wore started to wear at him, an uncomfortable shift. Wearing the surgical uniform could be sweltering. Tilting his head up slightly to gaze up at the subject, praying that his eyes did not betray and reveal his inner thoughts. “Try to remember.”
Coriolanus could’ve sworn he saw a slight falter, a tremble, in the dark optics of Project Prometheus. Its supercilium furrowed just the slightest inch upwards; did it look apologetic? The first visible change of expression he’s witnessed in the time he’s spent here in this examination room, and it’s one of regret. The subject’s fingers twisted itself into the fabric of his surgical gown, opening its mouth partially as they sought the right sound, the right word. He could make out the faint peeks of its canines.
“... I’m sorry, Dr. Snow. I can’t remember at all,” They breathed out, in admission, surrendering. It treated it as a guilty confession.
“Not a thing?” He whispered softly to them, prompting them to speak more. Coriolanus applauded himself internally, for how sympathetic he sounded.
The subject shook its head.
“My memory is not good.” Again, it reaffirmed its previous statement.
Was his question that hard? Surely, specks of small details, flashes of imagery, that would be sufficient enough of an answer for him. He wasn’t asking for a full essay of their inner workings ( though, he wouldn’t mind it ). However, as both their eyes continued locked in a stare, his thumb slowed its movements. The leathered finger stopping at the center junction of its stitches, the feel of the raised, textured skin apparent under the feel of the material. Project Prometheus was being sincere. Its face hadn’t changed, its body had not moved away from him. Dare he say, the minimal space between them; something he did not mind earlier before, had become much more apparent in his feverish mind. The subject answered him so honestly, it made his suspicions of before seem so ridiculous now. One thing did nag at him though, the writing, the insistence of journaling, the memory.
…
“... Do you remember how long you’ve been here?” Two years ago, Coriolanus recalled. Two years ago, that was when he was abandoned in District 12. When Dr. Gaul had started the experiment on Subject A01, busying herself with curiosities while he was drowning himself in depravities and vices, waiting out like a dog for some form of mercy to reach him.
A new, tense silence consumed them both. He watched the subject carefully, taking note of the slightest movement that could give any indication of anything more. Tracing with his eyes, following how Project Prometheus’s cuspid snagged at their chapped bottom lip. A faint flush of red spread across the muscle, from the pressure exerted on it. Unconsciously, it reminded him of how dry his own mouth felt, the hoarse sensation in his throat. He darted out his own tongue for a brief moment to wet his own mouth, hidden underneath the surgical mask he wore. Nothing was being said between them, but yet there was so much being told. A fierce feeling was soaring, running through the veins of Coriolanus; he knew what it meant and he feared for it. Not for what the answer could be, but what it possibly could bring up.
“You don’t remember how you got it here at all, do you?” His voice was so hushed, spoken as if taboo. It gave him the same feeling of it, the rush as the blood was entering his head and his heartbeat loud in his ears.
A form of dissociative amnesia.
Project Prometheus had developed gaps in memory due to an extended amount of isolation and exposure to severe trauma. It all clicked in Coriolanus’s head. He understood now what Dr. Gaul was attempting to achieve in her games with the subject. The tests, the daily conversations, the journal writing – Dr. Gaul was examining the subject’s mental decay as part of the Project’s ongoing research. Not only has the woman deteriorated and changed the way the prisoner’s nerves had worked, but their mind as well. Is continuing the Project even viable to do anymore? It was a form of punishment. Would it be ethical to operate on a being of flesh, when the subject no longer knew what it was being punished for? The question would most likely give Dr. Gaul a kick of joy. She loved to ponder questions worthy of debate. Coriolanus wouldn’t put it past the woman if she already gave the inquiry out to one of her classes in a lecture hall.
“I vaguely do,”
His eyebrows rose in interest.
“But only in subtle feelings.”
Nevermind.
“I think I experienced some form of confusion. And bits of anger, too. Dr. Gaul… For a moment, I used to be so scared of her. Now, I can’t even remember the reason why.”
Project Prometheus’s indifference, Coriolanus realized, it was not just solely based on apathy. What had become of it was a blank state, unsure of how to process things so the mind refused to process it all. But, it was still something highly susceptible to influences, shown in how Project Prometheus had become conditioned like Pavolv Dog, to associate Dr. Gaul’s silence with anger and disappointment, and her socialness with satisfaction and joy. It all was dawning on him. He could see it now, why Dr. Gaul was so disturbingly fascinated by this project. Gloved hands moved away from the subject’s wrist, and reached out to lay in gentle manner against the side of their bare thighs. The subject allowed him to, never raising a sign of objection. Could he teach it to experience anger once more, when he treated their body like this? Maybe discomfort, disgust, despair - he wanted to show their blank canvas of a mind what it felt like to fully immerse themselves in these ugly emotions. He knew why they were like this, but there still was a lingering crumb of vexation directed at the subject. Somehow, in their newfound state, they still felt far more free than he ever did; how they almost felt nothing, and he had to feel everything.
And yet, there was another thought that touched him. He wondered, if he spent enough time with the subject, could he too, be able to condition them to other things. They thought of him as merciful, kind, in comparison to Dr. Gaul. Could he make Project Prometheus worship him, and in the same quiet breaths they were fond of, resent him? The thought of making them accustomed to anticipating his attendance, and lamenting his absence sounded tempting.
How nice it would be, to have someone other than a deranged crone enjoy his presence.
Tigris certainly didn’t anymore.
Coriolanus rose himself from the ground, gripping on the meat of Project’s Prometheus’s flesh to lift him. Under his touch, the pliant stretch of skin and tissue made the subject remove their hands from his shoulders. Another faint breath escaped their exhale. It was a sound he was slowly getting used to. Back to their original height difference, he no longer had to crane his head up to look at the subject. The subject had to lift their head up to look up at him, now. What did Project Prometheus see, in their gaze as they stared at him, Coriolanus thought. Was he too, consumed in shadow and bathed under the gritty lights of the examination room like they once had?
“We’re done with the mark-up.” It took him a moment to move away from the subject. “We’ll move to holding the nerve exam now, after I administer a low dosage of your medication.”
The uncapped, black marker was placed back down on the metal tray, aside from the examination table. Replacing its empty space was now the syringe he had filled out before, the dark color swishing as he picked it up. The needle gleamed under the fluorescent light. Turning his back around, Project Prometheus had already sat themselves up nicely on the edge of the examination table for him. Their legs dangled off, their hands held at the edges of the worn-out leather cushion, eyes fixated on his person. They were waiting for him. He’s almost bothered, how easily the subject could anticipate his next set of commands. He hoped that this was just due to routine, not because he had become easy to read. Coming up to meet them there, the only sound that filled the air was the sole of his shoes stepping against the tiles. Gloved fingers reached to grab at the jaw of Project Prometheus, the syringe held close to their face. It shone particularly brilliant, mere inches away from their face. The subject showed him no fear, no resistance, despite the way the skin of the cheeks had moved under his grasp.
Already, he wanted to break them.
“Show me where to inject you.”
He’d be sweet, Coriolanus would let them pick where it was most comfortable for him to inject the medication in. Project Prometheus complied immediately to him, holding on the hand that held their needle to adjust the position. They guided him to the back of their neck, moving their hair to make space. To reward their compliance, he pricked the syringe quickly under the skin, careful not to touch an artery or nerve. The dark liquid inside the barrel slowly filled out, emptying itself as he pushed the plunger down. The subject did not let out a sound, a favorable contrast to Livia, who waited for him outside these Citadel walls.
He was going to mold them into something useful.
#the ballad of songbirds and snakes#tbosas#tbosas fic#thg series#thg fic#coriolanus snow#coriolanus x reader#coriolanus snow x reader#volumnia gaul#tw medical#medical horror#fanfic#.// ♡ basil's archive#. // ♡ rubatosis series#its insane how much i wrote for this first chapter lmao#its like 30 pages on google docs#i am obsessed with this man#i really wanted this chapter to be a focus of snow & reader building their dynamic and bond before we jump off the deep end#i am really excited to write the coming chapters
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Do you believe Will orchestrated the escape? Was he intending to flee with Hannibal or was he genuinely planning to kill him?
First of all, I think that Will is a character whose behavior we cannot predict - just like Hannibal said.
In the first season, Will was vulnerable, but in the second season, he started manipulating people to get what he wanted, and he told Alana and Hannibal that he was an unreliable narrator of his own story. And I believe that this is true throughout the series, to a greater or lesser extent.
In The Wrath of the Lamb Dolarhyde attacked Will in a motel. Will was aware that Dolarhyde wanted to meet Dr. Lecter, Dolarhyde himself told him so! And this scene, according to the script, ends with the following words:
CABAL. The synonym for this word is intrigue.
So I believe that Will decided to use Dolarhyde to free Hannibal, knowing now that since Hannibal loves him and Will plays it right, Hannibal will do whatever Will asks him to do.
So yes... I believe it was orchestrated by Will to some extent.
However, was he intending to flee with Hannibal or was he genuinely planning to kill him?
That's a good question! And I will repeat what I have already written: I think that we cannot predict Will's behaviour. In Mizumono he called Hannibal at the last minute and was not sure what to do until the very end and in The Wrath of the Lamb Will tells Bedelia, "Decisions are made of kneaded feelings. They're more often a lump than a sum". It is what actually drives him.
I think he wasn't sure how this escape would turn out. Would Dolarhyde kill Hannibal? Both of them? Or would Hannibal kill Dolarhyde and him? Maybe just Dolarhyde? Or maybe he'll just leave the FBI's dirty work and not get his hands dirty in the process?
And so, another pillar of this series is curiosity. I believe that apart from his feelings, Will was also guided by his curiosity about what would happen. In my opinion, there was no grand plan. "Everything that can happen happens. Has to end well, and it has to end badly. Has to end every way it can", "If everything that can happen happens, you can't really do the wrong thing. You're just doing what you're supposed to do" (Primavera).
[EDIT, because I forgot to write about something I find important]
In ... and the Beast from the Sea, Will tells Hannibal, "I'm not Fortune's fool, I'm yours". "I'm Fortune's fool" comes from Romeo and Juliet. It's about acceptance of the fact that you have no control over your life, because everything is up to fate; Will tells Hannibal that he is his fate and so he accepts it. And in the very next episode Will finds out that Hannibal in fact loves him.
In The Wrath of the Lamb, when Will comes to Hannibal to ask him to be a bait, in his memory palace, he stands on the skull engraved in the floor, where years ago Hannibal left him his broken heart. Will accepts Hannibal's heart now and chooses him, with all its consequences, not knowing what would happen.
[END OF EDIT]
And in The Wrath of the Lamb, Will tells Reba that Francis couldn't watch her die. When Dolarhyde shot Hannibal, Will reached for his gun. I think that both curiosity and his own feelings made him want to protect Hannibal and kill Dolarhyde in this very moment.
His feelings after killing Dolarhyde caused him to throw himself and Hannibal off the cliff (personally, I think the fall didn't happen at all and is just a metaphor, but that's a topic for another post), knowing that he would never feel better.
This answer turned out to be longer than I thought, so tl;dr:
Yes, Will orchestrated the escape.
Will is driven by his feelings, curiosity and whims (as Chilton said in Hassun), so I think that he didn't have any bigger plan than freeing Hannibal and see what would happen and then ended up being driven by his feelings. So I would say that he neither planned to run away with Hannibal nor to kill him. He was acting on the spur of the moment. If Hannibal killed Dolarhyde? Great, one serial killer down. If Hannibal had killed both Dolarhyde and Will? Okay, they're finally free from each other. If Dolarhyde had killed him and Hannibal? Finally it was all over. But Dolarhyde killing Hannibal? Oh no, Will couldn't bear to look at it.
#hannibal#nbc hannibal#hannibal nbc#will graham#hannibal lecter#hannigram#murder husbands#the wrath of the lamb#hannibal s03e13#hannibal meta#hannibal analysis#episode meta#episide analysis#the wrath of the lamb meta#the wrath of the lamb analysis#character meta#character analysis#will graham meta#will graham analysis#pesky--dust analysis#hannibal script#francis dolarhyde
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why he rejected you (pt 1)
characters: albedo, alhaitham, ayato, baizhu, bennett, childe, chongyun, cyno, diluc, gorou, heizou synopsis: you finally gathered up the bravery to confess your feelings, but much to your dismay, they turned you down. but you deserve to know the reason, right? notes: i'm going about this in alphabetical order, so hopefully part 2 coming hopefully sooner than later
Albedo - Preoccupations
Albedo is many things, but if there’s one thing he’s not, it’s attentive. He is a man with many interests, and thus research and experimentation take up much of his time. If you’re unwilling to claim some of his time as your own, you can’t blame him if he goes days and even weeks without showing his face before you.
Alhaitham - High Maintenance
It is foolish to go into a relationship with Alhaitham expecting never-ending affection, romantic dates, and the works. Alhaitham, at his core, is a simple man. He is not the emotional sort, nor is he the most affectionate. Thus, he sees no point in entering a relationship with a person that wants more than what he is willing and able to give.
Ayato - Lofty Eyes
It’s safe to say that Kamisato Ayato is not the easiest person to read. If there is one thing that’s plain to see, however, it is that barring his close associates, there is a wall between him and everyone he interacts with. Oftentimes people wonder if it is due to his job or his secretive personality, but the truth is much simpler than that. Most people, including you, simply aren’t worth his time.
Baizhu - Set Path
For those that visit him regularly, it is quite easy to become comfortable around Dr. Baizhu. Though his medicines are often bitter to the taste, he is not. With kind eyes and a soft voice, it’s easy for one’s heart to be lead astray. But don’t be fooled. Dr. Baizhu is waging a war against fate, and it is to this battle that all his attention and energies will be expended towards.
Bennett - Burdens
Though he may have said yes to you at first, don’t expect it to last long. Sad to say, Bennett is well aware of his unluckiness. No matter how much you try to assure him that it is okay, if he sees his unluck beginning to bleed onto you, there would be only so much he’d be willing to take. It’s okay, though. You deserve better. His burdens are not meant to be yours to bear.
Childe - Spark-less
It’s always easy to see when Childe is fascinated with someone. His ocean-blue eyes light up with excitement whenever they come around. Such people represent a challenge, a dangerous mountain he can scale and overcome. You, however? You do not spark such excitement. Really, you’re not even a rock within his path.
Chongyun - Self-control
Only those that are close to him are aware of the burdens pure yang energy puts on Chongyun. Losing control is terrible. Depressing. Humiliating. Even if he did like you, the thought of losing himself to the way you make his heart beat and face flush is… it’s horrifying. He’d never forgive himself if he hurt you in the process. So it’s just better to stop this, whatever this is, before it even starts.
Cyno - Safe
He has no reason to tell you no lol.
Diluc - Love
Diluc would never admit that he is a soft person. You did not get under his skin, nor did your lovely charms grow so heavily upon him. Turning you down didn’t hurt because you do not matter to him. He does not think it’s because his life is dangerous as it is. He does not pay attention to his guilt at the thought of you worriedly waiting for him every evening. He doesn’t think you deserve more, someone able to show their love for you more than him.
Gorou - Self-sacrifice
Having been raised in a place like Watatsumi Island, Gorou is no stranger to war, hunger, want. He was always taught the importance of sacrifice, a lesson that was even more emphasized upon becoming general. While things have gotten better since the war has come to pass, he is well aware that this peace may not last. This is not the time for distractions.
Heizou - Contentment
Safe to say, there are not many things Heizou is missing from his life. He has a great job that’s exciting and interesting, he has friends and family he can rely on, he’s able to work toward and achieve his goals—he is not in need of much. Really, any more and there’d simply be much too many things on his plate!
#genshin impact#genshin x reader#albedo x reader#alhaitham x reader#ayato x reader#baizhu x reader#bennett x reader#childe x reader#chongyun x reader#cyno x reader#diluc x reader#gorou x reader#heizou x reader#ask me about literally any of these and i will explain haha#esp ayato#alhaitham ayato cyno and heizou are my favorites from this bunch#such interesting people#chongyun is honorable mention but his is pretty easy to understand
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a tired gem
Aventurine x Dr. Ratio
warnings: description of overstimulation (not the sexual one)
word count: less than 1k
a/n: back again with another mental health + comfort oneshot about the gays lol, not beta read, we go to superhell with aventurine and castiel
description: Aventurine comes home overstimulated and tired, later comforted by Dr. Ratio
Aventurine's hands felt like they were on fire, they felt swollen, the day was too hot. he is rapidly taking the gloves off his hands, the pretty golden rings off his fingers, the expensive watch slipping from his wrist- and running them under a cold stream of water. Aventurine raises his head, meeting his own gaze in the mirror.
despite the years passing, and him getting older - it still comes back to bite him in the ass. the way his skin feels like it is burning, the overanalyzing of too many people around him – because what if he could be in danger, or even what if someone calls him a fraud, or sees through his oh-so fragile façade. there was too much noise- too many conversations surrounding him, too many unpleasant and various smells- it brings it all back. the starving scorching hot days of little Kakavasha, the slavery of "blondie"... that feeling of which he doesn't even wish the recall the memories of. he feels the repulsion of any human touch settling back in him.
he had gotten better, he knows- Aventurine repeats in his head, he knows how to deal with others and exist normally. how to keep his clothes straight, clean and his shoes polished. how to appear wealthy and smell like a perfume commercial.
Aventurine takes a deep breath. it does little to calm him down, the lukewarm air filling his lungs where a crisp cold air would feel much better to him in the moment.
after rapidly taking his clothes off, and gently folding them even in this moment when he is stressed because how could he just throw those clothes away… after all, they are his mask, his stage presence so to speak, and for Aeon’s sake the price alone could feed every person on his long gone planet. he sits on the shower floor and allows the water to cool down his body- just like the rain of Sigonia-IV did. Aventurine got over it, he learned to accept and even relish in human contact- with chosen people, yet he cannot even imagine being perceived in this moment. the mere thought of it makes him squeeze his eyes shut in pain.
biting his bottom lip, which shakes slightly in anger and tiredness, he stands up. he has to take care of himself- create a safe environment- and then if he must, wallow in the pain which is overstimulation.
the water washes away any bump from a stranger passing by, any phantom touch that didn't actually happen, but he still had to mentally prepare himself for it just in case it did, any scent which isn't his own. the clean, rough texture of the towel feels pleasant on his skin as he dries up and puts on comfortable clothes.
with complete silence and everything in its right place, he lies on the bed, eyes trained on the ceiling. familiar steps approach the bedroom door and the figure leans against the frame. "rough day, dear gambler?"
Aventurine's eyes meet Veritas', not saying a thing. to the doctor, it speaks louder than words. the apparent smirk fading off, his body language turning a tad softer and he exhales. he is quick to deduce exactly how his counterpart feels. Veritas is well aware that any sound or even a question that requires verbal communication would be awful to Aventurine at this moment hence he, with a soft step, walks over to the bed and lies down beside him. not close to touch him accidentally- with a healthy distance, yet still there.
Aventurine appreciates it, the doctor had already learned how he can get... how rough it can be. feeling exhaustion wash over him, he moves to his side, and those breathtaking gem-like eyes close, letting the poor blond man rest under the watchful eyes of the older man.
a couple of hours later, he wakes up, his eyes opening to be met with a quiet Veritas reading a book in the same place, unmoving except for the occasional page turn. Aventurine quietly observes, obviously noticed by Veritas. the doctor surely noticed the shift in his, now awake, breathing, and the colorful eyes opening to stare at him.
he grounds himself in reality and in the moment, taking shorter breaths and shifting to stretch his body a bit, taking care of the soreness. he feels better, soothed... his head is quiet, and his body feels okay to exist in the present, to exist now. Aventurine outstretches his arm, and hand, barely noticeable, tugs on Veritas' shirt, causing him to move his gaze to Aventurine. beat. he hums quietly, giving him a nod in silent question. it feels inviting and safe, Aventurine moves his body closer, into the taller man's side. as he does, Veritas closes the book putting it away, and moves his arm so that Aventurine can rest his head on his collarbone.
the second part of grounding. comforting touch, from a safe person with a safe scent. there is a silent appreciation for the doctor’s frequent baths and cleanliness. Aventurine's eyes close with a soft sigh, it feels right, it feels comfortable. Veritas' hand, at first, very gently moves through the blond locks, after a few seconds of body language analysis, he continues caressing his hair. Ratio's other hand moves to his face, his thumb caressing for a moment Aventurine's cheekbone. "better?" he hums in a deep tone with a rumble in his chest.
those gorgeous watercolor eyes open, the softest smile forming on Aventurine's face and a small nod. "yes"
a/n: yes, the ‘watercolor eyes’ is a reference to the song Dear Arkansas Daughter
#those two are pure brainrot#help#aventurine#dr ratio#dr ratio x aventurine#aventurine x dr ratio#aventurine angst#aventurine fluff#dr ratio fluff#aventurine fanfic#aventurine oneshot#aventurine hsr#honkai star rail#aventurine writing#aventio#ratiorine#kakavasha
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