jamespotterthefirst

[jamespotterthefirst]

Ode to a Nightingale (AU)

Pairing: Dr. Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Miss Lilac Allende)

Word count: 2.8K

Premise: Amid the dazzling ballroom, a single question from Lilac—about a mysterious woman from Ethan’s past—shatters the evening, forcing Ethan to confront buried memories, dark secrets, and the impending threat to his future with Lilac.

Series: AU, set in the 1800s. Continuation of She Walks In Beauty | A Red, Red Rose | How Do I Love Thee |

Part 2 of More Lovely and More Temperate

Ethan caught sight of Tobias Carrick’s tall, lean figure walking away from the far corner of the ballroom, his departure drawing a frown to Ethan’s brow. It was no secret he deeply loathed Tobias Carrick, and seeing him near Lilac set his nerves ablaze. His eyes darted to his fiancée, standing beside a petite young woman he didn’t recognize. The woman’s expression was one of pure fire, a look so fierce it might have reduced Tobias to ash if he were still within their range. 

But what concerned Ethan more was Lilac.

Even from across the ballroom, her pale face and the rigid line of her posture were enough to unsettle him. Her usual poise was gone, replaced by something unreadable—something deeply wrong. 

“Ethan?” a kind voice asked from somewhere to his right.

When he finally tore his eyes away from Lilac, he saw Naveen frowning at him. The older man, astute as ever, had a tendency to correctly gauge Ethan’s mood. 

“Is something the matter?”

But before Ethan could answer, a tall figure loomed nearby like a specter. 

“Good evening gentlemen,” Tobias Carrick greeted with a characteristic leer that made Ethan’s fists clench.

Naveen had the grace to return the greeting politely. Ethan, on the other hand, did not have a single ounce of forced pleasantness left and even if he did, Tobias Carrick would have been the last person to receive it. The cold reception only seemed to amuse Carrick, his amber eyes glimmering. 

“What a splendid evening,” Carrick commented, watching the dancefloor. His gaze slid back to Ethan, a smirk tugging at his lips. “And how lovely your fiancée looks tonight.”

All three men found Lilac across the room, standing tall and graceful, her gown catching the light as she spoke with the young woman next to her. Ethan’s eyes narrowed as he noticed how stiff her posture remained. The tension he could see pinching her shoulders even from this distance set his teeth on edge.

“I never quite had the chance to say congratulations on your engagement,” Carrick said, his tone smooth but with an undeniable undercurrent of malice. “Quite the catch, your fiancée. It’s rare to see someone of her... caliber with a man like you. She must have exceptional taste.”

“She does indeed,” Ethan replied at once, voice cool. “Which is why she saw right through you and chose a future with me instead.”

Naveen coughed into his drink, a poor attempt to hide his laughter. 

Carrick’s smirk faltered, just for a fraction of a second, but it was enough to tell Ethan that his words had hit the mark. The gleam in Carrick’s amber eyes dimmed slightly as he straightened, shifting his weight uncomfortably before forcing that smug expression back onto his face.

“Well,” Carrick drawled, his voice losing some of its previous smoothness, “not everyone can be so fortunate, I suppose.”

“Fortune had nothing to do with it,” Ethan replied, his tone sharp. “But then again, you wouldn’t understand what it’s like to be chosen by someone like her.”

Carrick’s jaw tightened, though his grin remained plastered on his face. “Enjoy the revelry of the evening,” he said, the malice creeping back into his voice. “You never know how long it shall last.”

Before Ethan could respond, Carrick tipped his head in a mockery of a polite farewell and disappeared into the crowd.

Naveen finally let out the laughter he had been holding in. “That was well played, Ethan,” he said, clapping him on the shoulder. “Though I must admit, Carrick’s presence alone is enough to sour anyone’s evening.”

Ethan grunted, his eyes still locked on Lilac across the room. “Something’s wrong,” he muttered. “I must speak to her.”

“Go to her,” Naveen urged softly. “Before someone else tries to ruin your night.”

Without wasting another second, Ethan moved through the crowd, his focus solely on Lilac. The noise of laughter, clinking glasses, and music became a distant hum as he closed the distance between them. Soon, the band would strike the first notes of the final song of the evening. Tradition dictated that even engaged couples were only allowed two dances together at such events, but tradition was the last thing on Ethan’s mind.

He needed to know what was troubling her.

As he approached, the petite young woman beside Lilac stiffened, clearly caught off guard by his sudden appearance. She quickly dipped into a curtsy, but the movement was rushed and awkward. She looked flustered, her cheeks flushing pink as she stole a glance at Lilac, perhaps uncertain of her place in the situation.

But Ethan hardly registered her discomfort. His eyes were solely on Lilac.

She was breathtaking, as always. The golden light of the chandeliers shimmered off her emerald gown, casting her in a warm glow. Her usual grace, however, was marred by the tension in her posture, and though she had laughed softly at whatever the young woman had said, it was a hollow sound—one that didn’t reach her eyes.

“May I have this dance, Miss Allende?”

Lilac’s face was a cold, expressionless mask. Her green eyes— usually bright and lively— fell down to his extended hand. She paused for just a moment, and in that heartbeat, Ethan’s pulse surged with anxious energy. Finally, she nodded, placing her hand in his, though the warmth that usually radiated from her touch was gone. Silently, he led her onto the floor, pulling her close as the music began.

They moved as one, as they always did, their steps perfectly synchronized, but the usual ease of their connection was gone. Couples moved gracefully around them, but to Ethan, it was just the two of them. Lilac, meanwhile, quietly glanced all around the room, pointedly avoiding his gaze and her silence— sharp as a blade— made his stomach twist. 

“Did Tobias upset you?” he finally asked, his voice low and careful.

Lilac didn’t answer. Instead, she continued to watch the dancing couples around them, her mouth pressed into a terse line. The deathly silence between them stretched on, making his heart pound in his chest.

Then, her green eyes finally met his, the hurt he found there striking him. Very softly, she asked, “Who is Harper Emery?”

Ethan’s heart stopped altogether.

The world around them seemed to blur as her question hung in the air. The melody of violins, the conversations and laughter, even Lilac’s barely controlled breathing— all of it faded into a sharp, agonizing ring in his ears. The lights dimmed in his mind, leaving only a sickening, suffocating sense of dread.

He didn’t answer—he couldn’t. 

Harper Emery.

The name hit him like a blow, one that reverberated through his entire body, dredging up memories he had spent years burying. And yet, despite all his efforts to keep them at bay, they rushed back now with cruel vividness, crashing into him like an unstoppable wave.

“Stop!”

A gunshot rang out in the dark, deafening and sharp, its echo still haunting him even now.

“Jonathan!”

The memory had haunted him for years, lurking in the darkest corners of his mind, never far from the surface. And now, just hearing her name had torn those memories free, forcing him to relive the horror all over again.

Ethan’s mind raced, scrambling for words, for any way to explain—to make Lilac understand—but nothing came. How could he possibly tell her about that night? How could he make her see that Harper wasn’t just a name from his past but a wound that had never fully healed?

His stunned silence was answer enough, however.

Lilac’s lips pressed into a tight line, her chest rising and falling more rapidly as her mind worked through the unspoken confirmation. Her cold, stoic expression betrayed the smallest glimpse of hurt, and his throat tightened in response. The weight of her unspoken pain pressed down on him, suffocating him with the thought that he might lose her.

The song ended, but before he could say anything, before he could even begin to explain, she slipped her hand from his and walked away. Without a word, she made her way out of the ballroom, disappearing down the corridor that led toward his study, the fabric of her dress catching the golden light much like it did all those months ago when he first saw her.

Ethan stood frozen for a moment, his hand still hovering in the air where hers had been. He had never been so unsure of what to do.

“Go to her,” Naveen’s kind voice said from behind him.

Ethan didn’t need to ask how his mentor knew. All he was certain of was that Naveen was right. He couldn’t let Lilac leave—not like this, not when she was the most important thing in his life. 

With long strides, he followed her, his heart pounding as he reached the study’s heavy doors. They were slightly ajar, and when he entered, he saw her standing across the room, gazing out, the silver glow of the night sky framing her in a halo of light. She looked as distant as the moon itself, and the sight of her standing there, with the weight of her hurt pressing down on her, tore at his chest.

“Lilac, please,” Ethan said quietly. “Let me explain.”

She turned to face him, and even from across the mahogany desk, he could see her green eyes shining with unshed tears. Despite her pain, she stood tall, her expression set in that fierce, stubborn way he knew all too well.

“Then explain, Ethan.”

Ethan opened his mouth, summoning the words he had been too afraid to say for years, but none came. Instead, the memories���those terrible, painful memories he had buried so deep—robbed him of his voice, of his composure. His hands trembled at his sides as images of Harper flooded his mind. The gunshot, the screaming, the blood.

Lilac waited in silence, her eyes locked on his. 

At last, he spoke, his voice low and rough with emotion. “Harper was never my fiancée.”

“Then who was she?”

Ethan took a deep breath, steadying himself as he walked further into the room, closing the door behind him.

“We were childhood friends. Our families… they were entwined long before Harper, her brother Jonathan, and I were born. My father and Mr. Emery were close, lifelong friends. They were business partners, confidants. Our futures seemed inexorably bound.”

Lilac said nothing, listening raptly to his every word.

“When our families saw how naturally Harper and I got along, the expectation followed. It was assumed—by everyone—that one day we would wed. Even I…” He paused, struggling to find the strength to confess. “Even I thought that perhaps one day I would make her my wife.”

Ethan took a deep breath, his gaze falling to the floor as he struggled with the weight of what he was about to reveal. Lilac’s eyes softened slightly, though the hurt still lingered beneath the surface as she absorbed his words.

“When Harper’s mother died, everything changed,” Ethan continued, his voice quieter now. “Mr. Emery… he descended into despair. He found solace in drink. It was not long before he gambled away half of his fortune. Cards, horse racing, any wager that could dull the pain. But as his losses mounted, so too did his temper. He… he took his anger out on Harper and Jonathan.”

Ethan paused, the bitter memories flashing through his mind. “Jonathan and I did what we could to protect her, but Harper… she bore the brunt of it. She resembled her mother so much, and it tormented him. Mr. Emery purged the house of all that reminded him of his wife—her belongings, her portraits… He pushed his children further away each day. He even forbade Harper and Jonathan from visiting her grave.”

Lilac’s eyes widened slightly at that, a flicker of empathy crossing her face.

“But Harper couldn’t stay away,” Ethan said softly. “Her mother had meant so much to her and losing her changed her, too. She would sneak out to visit her mother’s grave often. One day, I found her there, weeping. I didn’t know what else to do, so I held her… tried to comfort her.”

He hesitated, the next part of the memory too painful to express easily. “Mr. Emery and Jonathan found us there. Mr. Emery had been drinking—more than usual—and when he saw us, unchaperoned, with my arms around Harper… he lost it. He assumed the worst. He called her vile things, things I shall not repeat.” 

Lilac winced, and her expression softened further, the hurt fading as she listened to Ethan’s voice tremble with the memory.

“Jonathan tried to calm him down, but it only aggravated his father more. In the ensuing chaos, Mr. Emery drew a pistol. Jonathan and I both sought to disarm him, to protect Harper. But in the struggle…” Ethan’s voice broke as his eyes glossed over with emotion. “The gun discharged. Jonathan was struck.”

“Stop!” Harper’s anguished scream had rung out almost as loudly as the gunshot that followed.

 A tall figure—Jonathan—staggered, clutching his chest as his frame collapsed to the ground in a sickening heap.

Blood. So much blood. It spread quickly, staining the grass beneath them, pooling around Jonathan’s motionless body. 

“I ran to him, trying to help, but I knew nothing about medicine back then. I didn’t know what to do.” Ethan ran a shaky hand through his hair, his voice hoarse as he continued. “He died in my arms, Lilac.”

Ethan’s words broke until his throat closed altogether. 

“Ethan…” Lilac whispered, her voice no longer cold but filled with raw emotion.

“After that, Harper couldn’t look at me. She couldn’t bear to be near me.” His voice broke again. “It became unbearable to be in the place where I had shared so many happy memories with the Emery family. So I came to England with my father’s money, tried to disappear. I thought distance would help, that maybe I could outrun what had happened. And for a while, it worked. I buried myself in work, in studying, anything to keep my mind off what I had lost.”

He ran a hand through his hair, his brow furrowed as he recalled the early days of his career. “Here, I met Naveen. He became my mentor. Taught me everything I know about medicine, about saving lives. He… he saved me, in a way. Gave me purpose when I didn’t think I had one anymore.”

Lilac’s posture softened as she listened, uncrossing her arms. 

“I could not tell you, Lilac,” he said, letting out a shaky breath. His fingers clutched the edge of the desk as if it could anchor him to the moment. His eyes met Lilac’s for a moment, but he quickly looked away, unable to face the possibility of her seeing the full depth of his regret. “The things I have done… I knew you would never look at me the same if you knew.”

She moved around the desk, standing close to him, the warmth of her proximity a welcomed relief for him that he did not deserve. 

“Ethan, that is not—”

“I hurt people, Lilac. And I thought if I kept running, if I just kept working—distracted myself enough—I could leave it all behind. I thought I could become someone else, someone worthy of... this.” His eyes flicked briefly between them, finally falling on the ring he had placed on her finger merely weeks ago. 

Lilac opened her mouth to respond, but the door creaked open with a soft groan, and Mrs. Martinez appeared in the doorway. She took a step into the room, a brief, kind smile curling her lips, though Ethan couldn’t miss the heaviness in her gaze.

“Pardon the intrusion,” Mrs. Martinez said smoothly, her voice gentle as she looked at Lilac, “but Señor Allende is asking for you, my dear. He wishes to speak with you at once.”

The old woman’s words were polite, measured—but Ethan felt a shift in the air. The weight of her unspoken message pressed heavily on his chest. Somehow, he knew his secret had gotten out. Carrick’s parting words were proof enough.

“You never know how long it shall last.”

Ethan’s stomach twisted with unease, knowing what this meant. The whispers about Ethan’s past—about the things he’d done and tried to escape—had clearly reached Mr. Allende. And now, the man who held Lilac’s future in his hands was reconsidering his approval. 

Lilac met Ethan’s gaze briefly, and he could see his own dread reflected there. 

“Of course,” she murmured. “I shall attend him immediately.”

Mrs. Martinez nodded, her eyes lingering on Ethan for a fraction of a second before she left the room, the door closing softly behind her.

Ethan’s heart sank as silence filled the room once more. He could feel the walls closing in on him. He had known it was inevitable that someone would find out eventually, but hearing the weight of Mr. Allende’s disapproval—a father who had given Lilac the world—was something he couldn’t bear.

“I am sorry, Lilac,” Ethan whispered, his voice almost breaking. “I never wished to put you in this position. You deserve better than... this.”

Note: I swear this wasn't going to take a MONTH. But I hated the first draft I wrote so I had to start over. I was also stuck on a title. I finally settled on this one, inspired by a John Keats poem.

Hope you liked it!

Thank you so much to everyone who read "More Lovely and More Temperate"! And thank you so much if you read this, too!

[jamespotterthefirst]

MEEP! Life got in the way but I am uploading RIGHT NOW

I know history doesn't bode well for me but I have not disappeared again! I'll be back this weekend with part 2 of the Regency fic!

[jamespotterthefirst]

I know history doesn't bode well for me but I have not disappeared again! I'll be back this weekend with part 2 of the Regency fic!

[jamespotterthefirst]

Edenbrook Hospital

[jamespotterthefirst]

ANA DE ARMAS at the 2025 Vanity Fair Oscar Party - March 02, 2025

[jamespotterthefirst]

Okay, I researched things to do in Miami and saw raccoon island. I added it because of you ❤️

Muchas gracias, amiga ❤️

Call it What You Want (Ethan x f!MC)

Book: Open Heart

Pairing: Dr. Ethan Ramsey and MC (Lilac Allende)

Word Count: 2.2K

Rating/Warning: T/ Some Language

Summary: After their kiss, they both agree to take a break enjoying the city of Miami. Set after the events of 1.10.

Note: Two things about me: I will always write about Miami and I am manifesting Reputation (TV)

A faint pink glow seeped through the drawn curtains that morning, indicating it was right before sunrise. Lilac rolled over on the mattress, groaning. Her head felt like lead as she struggled to find comfort on the fluffy hotel pillow. Her stiff muscles protested as she moved, a side effect of a long and restless night. She had lost track of the time when the rolling waves outside had finally lulled her to sleep. It couldn’t have been more than three hours ago.

Now, she lay awake in the rosy-hued and desolate hotel room. Try as she might, she couldn’t stop her gaze from wandering to the closed door. Every nerve in her body was too aware of the fact that just on the other side, Ethan lay on the living room’s couch, most likely awake too. 

Was he replaying their kiss from the previous night like she had been doing all night? Did his thoughts stray to the way their bodies fit so perfectly or to how their hearts shared the same frenetic beat? 

With a resigned sigh, Lilac decided to start her day. There was no use lying in that cold bed, thinking of the sting of Ethan’s rejection. Temples pulsing, she hastily got dressed and quietly padded to the common area. The couch where he had slept was empty, his blanket already neatly folded. Something akin to relief flooded her at the prospect of avoiding him altogether. 

The universe, however, had other plans. A few steps further and Lilac saw his tall frame by the kitchen counter. He was in the middle of pouring himself a cup of coffee when he froze, sensing her.

He turned to face her and their eyes met, paralyzing them both.

The silence stretched for so long that Lilac thought he would opt for not speaking to her. 

“Morning,” he said at last. 

His tone was imperceptible, but Lilac could see the remnants of tension in his expression. The bags under his eyes told her he didn’t sleep well either.

“Morning,” she replied, careful to keep her voice neutral. 

There was more loaded silence, neither of them sure how to be around each other. A strange instinct in her gut screamed at her to say something… or run away— either option would be preferable to this awful limbo they were stuck in. At long last, Ethan set his cup down and cleared his throat.

“Our flight isn’t until tomorrow morning. I was thinking of heading downstairs and attending a few seminars.”

Lilac paused, unsure how to reply. The professional thing to do was letting him go his own way. Hell, she would probably benefit from burying herself in work. But the thought of sitting in long presentations or wandering the show floor made her muscles heavy with dread. There was something stubborn and unresolved between them and she knew she would know no peace until she addressed it head on.

“Actually,” she said before she lost her resolve. “I was thinking of taking a break from the conference…”

Ethan said nothing, waiting for her to continue. Lilac, meanwhile, gestured toward the floor-to-ceiling window framing the stunning Miami skyline. As the sun rose, it cast the sky into a mosaic of orange, pink, and blue. In the silence, they could hear the faint sounds of the city slowly coming to life to greet the day.

“I’ve never been to Miami before and today’s weather is supposed to be nice. Enjoying the city sounds a lot more enticing than being indoors all day.”

Ethan nodded once but said nothing more.

Swallowing, Lilac mustered the last dregs of her bravery. “Want to come with?”

He paused at that.

“Do you think that’s a good idea given…”

More of that unbearable silence ensued after he trailed off.

“Given what happened last night?” she finished for him. 

Ethan’s face flushed with color and she would have found it adorable in any other situation. He remained stoic and silent nonetheless. 

Lilac sighed. “Look, you don’t have to join me if you don’t want to,” she began. “But if we’re going to forget what happened last night, avoiding each other is not going to help.”

“Forget?” he asked quietly. 

Their eyes met. His gaze pinned her in place, something intense swirling in their depths. Lilac looked away, unable to handle it.

“Move past it,” she amended. Then she rushed through—“We will still have to see each other everyday and for that to work, we need to learn how to be around one another again.”

Ethan nodded, considering her words.

“A reset,” he said.

Lilac shrugged. “If you want to call it that. I see it more as a break.”

He seemed on the verge of being convinced.

“When was the last time you took one of those?” 

“I admit it’s been a while.”

“Then let’s change that.”

They strolled the streets of the city, admiring the vibrant colors of Miami. Everywhere Lilac looked, the air bloomed with color— the iconic art deco buildings they passed, the array of fruits in vendor stalls at the outdoor market, the vibrant art murals of Wynwood Walls. The city came alive in blooms of pinks, yellows, and blue. The bustling streets moved to the sounds of traffic, mixed with the rhythmic music drifting from the outdoor cafes they passed— salsa, merengue, bachata. It was all too familiar to Lilac yet new at the same time. 

Ethan walked beside her, in complete silence at first. The vibrant promise that the city painted for them, however, eventually melted the tension between them. 

“We have to go to Racoon Island,” Lilac said hours into their tour. 

“No.”

“Come on! It’s an island full of racoons,” she insisted, turning her phone's screen for him to see the pictures.

“I gathered that,” Ethan said, unimpressed. “That is precisely why I want to stay as far away from it as possible.”

“You’re no fun,” she said with mock disappointment. In reality, Lilac didn’t care what they did next. She was just so relieved their dynamic felt almost back to normal. 

They walked for a few more minutes before neither of them could resist the enticing smell of Cuban coffee wafting from the cafes all around. Soon, they found themselves seated in the outdoor patio of Café del Sol, a lively place facing the oceanfront. As they waited for their server, Ethan looked out at the waves, a pensive expression on his face.

“Where did you go?” Lilac asked quietly.

Ethan glanced at her, offering her a soft smile.

“Just... thinking. It’s been a while since I took time to do something like this. I’ve forgotten what it feels like to just... be.”

Lilac nodded, feeling a sense of connection that was almost painful. Their daily lives demanded so much from them that it was easy to completely lose all sense of self in the job. She too had forgotten what it was like to just enjoy the present moment without constant movement. 

“It’s nice,” she agreed. “Just living in the moment.” 

Ethan mulled over her words carefully. She could practically see the gears of his mind working. Almost as if by instinct, she knew he was thinking about last night and the road that had led to their kiss— living in the moment, forgetting about rules or duty.

“I’m enjoying it,” he finally allowed. “But things are still complicated. You and I—”

There it was. 

“Please,” she said in an almost whisper. “I understand we need to be careful. And there’s a lot we need to figure out. But maybe … we don’t have to have all the answers yet.” She sighed. “Maybe just for today, we can just… exist.”

For the first time since last night, Ethan visibly relaxed. “I can do that.”

A woman in her mid-50s approached them with a warm smile. She had short, dark hair, a patterned apron tied neatly around her waist, and eyes that crinkled at the corners with the warmth of hospitality.

“Good morning,” she greeted in accented English, holding a small notepad in one hand. “What can I get for you two today? Café con leche, perhaps? Best in town.”

Lilac smiled politely. “Buenos días,” she replied, switching seamlessly into Spanish. “Sí, un café con leche suena perfecto. ¿Y también un cortadito para él?”

The woman’s eyes brightened immediately, a wide smile spreading across her face. “¡Ah! ¡Hablas español!” she exclaimed, clearly delighted. Her words flowed faster now, full of warmth and energy. “Qué bien, mi niña. Entonces, dos cafés, uno con leche y un cortadito para el caballero. ¿Algo más?”

Realizing just how hungry she was, Lilac ordered more food than the two could finish—tostones, ropa vieja, empanadas, croquetas, maduros. 

Ethan leaned back in his chair, watching the interaction with amusement.  When the woman left to put their order in, he said, “I didn’t know your Spanish was that good.”

Lilac gave him a teasing glance. “Really? I’ve helped patients in Spanish right in front of you.”

He tilted his head, his eyes narrowing slightly, as if searching his memory. “Yes, but… this is different,” he said, his voice softening. “You look happy. Relaxed. You look good.”

Lilac paused, the compliment catching her off guard. The weight of the last few days seemed to momentarily lift as she felt the warmth in his gaze. Despite her plea to just enjoy the moment, her foolish heart could not be dissuaded. Not when Ethan had a tendency to see her—truly see her.

An hour later, Ethan sat back in his chair, watching as Lilac playfully mocked his Spanish for the third time since their food arrived. He allowed himself a smile, the teasing, light banter a welcome change from the tension that had hovered between them. She was right, of course. Her Spanish was flawless, flowing effortlessly as she ordered from the café earlier, while his was more… functional. He could get by in medical settings, communicate well enough, but nowhere near her level of ease.

“I swear, it doesn’t get easier than café con leche,” Lilac teased, shaking her head, but there was nothing but warmth in her voice.

He chuckled. “You make it look easy, Rookie.”

Her laughter filled the space between them, and for a moment, it felt like everything had settled back to normal. They were just two colleagues, sharing a meal, enjoying a break from the usual demands of their field. But as he watched her smile and the way her green eyes sparkled when she was at ease, the weight of everything that had happened between them pressed down on his chest.

Last night. 

God, last night.

He had wanted her for longer than Ethan was willing to admit even to himself. Somewhere along the line, the beautiful, intelligent, and intriguing Lilac Allende had woven herself into the fabric of his every thought. To this day, Ethan still couldn’t pinpoint the moment everything changed. For so long, he had kept himself in check, keeping his distance, hiding behind his professionalism. And yet, all those efforts crumbled the moment they kissed. 

They finished their meal, the laughter and teasing slowly giving way to a comfortable silence. 

Eventually, they wandered toward the beach, too full and drowsy from their meal to make much conversation. Ethan found he enjoyed the easy silence as they walked barefoot down the soft sand, shoes in hand. The peace of the moment served as a balm, soothing the restless thoughts that had been gnawing at him all night. 

“Thanks for convincing me to go out,” Ethan finally said, breaking the silence. “We needed this… the break. Just… being.”

Lilac smiled, recognizing her words from earlier. “Yeah. I think we both did.”

For a while longer, they walked side by side, neither in a rush to leave the moment behind. But eventually, the weight of their restless night and the early morning flight that awaited them began to settle in. They turned back toward the hotel, the reality of their return looming closer with each step.

When they reached their hotel room door, Ethan paused. His hand hovered over the handle, his body still, as if frozen in place. He didn’t know why he stopped—he just knew that something inside him wasn’t ready to cross that threshold yet.

Lilac glanced at him, her brow furrowing slightly. “What’s wrong?”

He didn’t answer right away.

Ethan knew, the second they stepped through that door, this brief, blissful reprieve would be over. Their lives—complicated, professional, and full of boundaries—would unpause, and they’d go back to pretending nothing had happened between them.

Lilac seemed to understand, even without him saying it. 

“It’ll be okay,” she said so quietly that Ethan thought he had imagined the words. “It has to be.”

But as Ethan stood there, watching her green eyes read his face, the realization hit him hard. It was foolish to think they needed a reset, a way to move past that kiss, to put it behind them. No matter how many boundaries and defenses he put up, there was no going back to the way they had been. At least, not for Ethan. 

Stealing a day for themselves only strengthened the roots of Ethan’s admiration for her. Watching her today, seeing her so at ease, hearing her laugh, seeing her face lit up by the sun—it had only made him want her more.

More than he ever should.

And he knew that no matter how much they tried to pretend, no matter how hard he tried to pull away, he was far too gone now.

Note: I don't know what that was! I'm just getting myself back in the habit of writing. Thank you for joining me on this ride!

[jamespotterthefirst]

Thank you, friend ❤️

Call it What You Want (Ethan x f!MC)

Book: Open Heart

Pairing: Dr. Ethan Ramsey and MC (Lilac Allende)

Word Count: 2.2K

Rating/Warning: T/ Some Language

Summary: After their kiss, they both agree to take a break enjoying the city of Miami. Set after the events of 1.10.

Note: Two things about me: I will always write about Miami and I am manifesting Reputation (TV)

A faint pink glow seeped through the drawn curtains that morning, indicating it was right before sunrise. Lilac rolled over on the mattress, groaning. Her head felt like lead as she struggled to find comfort on the fluffy hotel pillow. Her stiff muscles protested as she moved, a side effect of a long and restless night. She had lost track of the time when the rolling waves outside had finally lulled her to sleep. It couldn’t have been more than three hours ago.

Now, she lay awake in the rosy-hued and desolate hotel room. Try as she might, she couldn’t stop her gaze from wandering to the closed door. Every nerve in her body was too aware of the fact that just on the other side, Ethan lay on the living room’s couch, most likely awake too. 

Was he replaying their kiss from the previous night like she had been doing all night? Did his thoughts stray to the way their bodies fit so perfectly or to how their hearts shared the same frenetic beat? 

With a resigned sigh, Lilac decided to start her day. There was no use lying in that cold bed, thinking of the sting of Ethan’s rejection. Temples pulsing, she hastily got dressed and quietly padded to the common area. The couch where he had slept was empty, his blanket already neatly folded. Something akin to relief flooded her at the prospect of avoiding him altogether. 

The universe, however, had other plans. A few steps further and Lilac saw his tall frame by the kitchen counter. He was in the middle of pouring himself a cup of coffee when he froze, sensing her.

He turned to face her and their eyes met, paralyzing them both.

The silence stretched for so long that Lilac thought he would opt for not speaking to her. 

“Morning,” he said at last. 

His tone was imperceptible, but Lilac could see the remnants of tension in his expression. The bags under his eyes told her he didn’t sleep well either.

“Morning,” she replied, careful to keep her voice neutral. 

There was more loaded silence, neither of them sure how to be around each other. A strange instinct in her gut screamed at her to say something… or run away— either option would be preferable to this awful limbo they were stuck in. At long last, Ethan set his cup down and cleared his throat.

“Our flight isn’t until tomorrow morning. I was thinking of heading downstairs and attending a few seminars.”

Lilac paused, unsure how to reply. The professional thing to do was letting him go his own way. Hell, she would probably benefit from burying herself in work. But the thought of sitting in long presentations or wandering the show floor made her muscles heavy with dread. There was something stubborn and unresolved between them and she knew she would know no peace until she addressed it head on.

“Actually,” she said before she lost her resolve. “I was thinking of taking a break from the conference…”

Ethan said nothing, waiting for her to continue. Lilac, meanwhile, gestured toward the floor-to-ceiling window framing the stunning Miami skyline. As the sun rose, it cast the sky into a mosaic of orange, pink, and blue. In the silence, they could hear the faint sounds of the city slowly coming to life to greet the day.

“I’ve never been to Miami before and today’s weather is supposed to be nice. Enjoying the city sounds a lot more enticing than being indoors all day.”

Ethan nodded once but said nothing more.

Swallowing, Lilac mustered the last dregs of her bravery. “Want to come with?”

He paused at that.

“Do you think that’s a good idea given…”

More of that unbearable silence ensued after he trailed off.

“Given what happened last night?” she finished for him. 

Ethan’s face flushed with color and she would have found it adorable in any other situation. He remained stoic and silent nonetheless. 

Lilac sighed. “Look, you don’t have to join me if you don’t want to,” she began. “But if we’re going to forget what happened last night, avoiding each other is not going to help.”

“Forget?” he asked quietly. 

Their eyes met. His gaze pinned her in place, something intense swirling in their depths. Lilac looked away, unable to handle it.

“Move past it,” she amended. Then she rushed through—“We will still have to see each other everyday and for that to work, we need to learn how to be around one another again.”

Ethan nodded, considering her words.

“A reset,” he said.

Lilac shrugged. “If you want to call it that. I see it more as a break.”

He seemed on the verge of being convinced.

“When was the last time you took one of those?” 

“I admit it’s been a while.”

“Then let’s change that.”

They strolled the streets of the city, admiring the vibrant colors of Miami. Everywhere Lilac looked, the air bloomed with color— the iconic art deco buildings they passed, the array of fruits in vendor stalls at the outdoor market, the vibrant art murals of Wynwood Walls. The city came alive in blooms of pinks, yellows, and blue. The bustling streets moved to the sounds of traffic, mixed with the rhythmic music drifting from the outdoor cafes they passed— salsa, merengue, bachata. It was all too familiar to Lilac yet new at the same time. 

Ethan walked beside her, in complete silence at first. The vibrant promise that the city painted for them, however, eventually melted the tension between them. 

“We have to go to Racoon Island,” Lilac said hours into their tour. 

“No.”

“Come on! It’s an island full of racoons,” she insisted, turning her phone's screen for him to see the pictures.

“I gathered that,” Ethan said, unimpressed. “That is precisely why I want to stay as far away from it as possible.”

“You’re no fun,” she said with mock disappointment. In reality, Lilac didn’t care what they did next. She was just so relieved their dynamic felt almost back to normal. 

They walked for a few more minutes before neither of them could resist the enticing smell of Cuban coffee wafting from the cafes all around. Soon, they found themselves seated in the outdoor patio of Café del Sol, a lively place facing the oceanfront. As they waited for their server, Ethan looked out at the waves, a pensive expression on his face.

“Where did you go?” Lilac asked quietly.

Ethan glanced at her, offering her a soft smile.

“Just... thinking. It’s been a while since I took time to do something like this. I’ve forgotten what it feels like to just... be.”

Lilac nodded, feeling a sense of connection that was almost painful. Their daily lives demanded so much from them that it was easy to completely lose all sense of self in the job. She too had forgotten what it was like to just enjoy the present moment without constant movement. 

“It’s nice,” she agreed. “Just living in the moment.” 

Ethan mulled over her words carefully. She could practically see the gears of his mind working. Almost as if by instinct, she knew he was thinking about last night and the road that had led to their kiss— living in the moment, forgetting about rules or duty.

“I’m enjoying it,” he finally allowed. “But things are still complicated. You and I—”

There it was. 

“Please,” she said in an almost whisper. “I understand we need to be careful. And there’s a lot we need to figure out. But maybe … we don’t have to have all the answers yet.” She sighed. “Maybe just for today, we can just… exist.”

For the first time since last night, Ethan visibly relaxed. “I can do that.”

A woman in her mid-50s approached them with a warm smile. She had short, dark hair, a patterned apron tied neatly around her waist, and eyes that crinkled at the corners with the warmth of hospitality.

“Good morning,” she greeted in accented English, holding a small notepad in one hand. “What can I get for you two today? Café con leche, perhaps? Best in town.”

Lilac smiled politely. “Buenos días,” she replied, switching seamlessly into Spanish. “Sí, un café con leche suena perfecto. ¿Y también un cortadito para él?”

The woman’s eyes brightened immediately, a wide smile spreading across her face. “¡Ah! ¡Hablas español!” she exclaimed, clearly delighted. Her words flowed faster now, full of warmth and energy. “Qué bien, mi niña. Entonces, dos cafés, uno con leche y un cortadito para el caballero. ¿Algo más?”

Realizing just how hungry she was, Lilac ordered more food than the two could finish—tostones, ropa vieja, empanadas, croquetas, maduros. 

Ethan leaned back in his chair, watching the interaction with amusement.  When the woman left to put their order in, he said, “I didn’t know your Spanish was that good.”

Lilac gave him a teasing glance. “Really? I’ve helped patients in Spanish right in front of you.”

He tilted his head, his eyes narrowing slightly, as if searching his memory. “Yes, but… this is different,” he said, his voice softening. “You look happy. Relaxed. You look good.”

Lilac paused, the compliment catching her off guard. The weight of the last few days seemed to momentarily lift as she felt the warmth in his gaze. Despite her plea to just enjoy the moment, her foolish heart could not be dissuaded. Not when Ethan had a tendency to see her—truly see her.

An hour later, Ethan sat back in his chair, watching as Lilac playfully mocked his Spanish for the third time since their food arrived. He allowed himself a smile, the teasing, light banter a welcome change from the tension that had hovered between them. She was right, of course. Her Spanish was flawless, flowing effortlessly as she ordered from the café earlier, while his was more… functional. He could get by in medical settings, communicate well enough, but nowhere near her level of ease.

“I swear, it doesn’t get easier than café con leche,” Lilac teased, shaking her head, but there was nothing but warmth in her voice.

He chuckled. “You make it look easy, Rookie.”

Her laughter filled the space between them, and for a moment, it felt like everything had settled back to normal. They were just two colleagues, sharing a meal, enjoying a break from the usual demands of their field. But as he watched her smile and the way her green eyes sparkled when she was at ease, the weight of everything that had happened between them pressed down on his chest.

Last night. 

God, last night.

He had wanted her for longer than Ethan was willing to admit even to himself. Somewhere along the line, the beautiful, intelligent, and intriguing Lilac Allende had woven herself into the fabric of his every thought. To this day, Ethan still couldn’t pinpoint the moment everything changed. For so long, he had kept himself in check, keeping his distance, hiding behind his professionalism. And yet, all those efforts crumbled the moment they kissed. 

They finished their meal, the laughter and teasing slowly giving way to a comfortable silence. 

Eventually, they wandered toward the beach, too full and drowsy from their meal to make much conversation. Ethan found he enjoyed the easy silence as they walked barefoot down the soft sand, shoes in hand. The peace of the moment served as a balm, soothing the restless thoughts that had been gnawing at him all night. 

“Thanks for convincing me to go out,” Ethan finally said, breaking the silence. “We needed this… the break. Just… being.”

Lilac smiled, recognizing her words from earlier. “Yeah. I think we both did.”

For a while longer, they walked side by side, neither in a rush to leave the moment behind. But eventually, the weight of their restless night and the early morning flight that awaited them began to settle in. They turned back toward the hotel, the reality of their return looming closer with each step.

When they reached their hotel room door, Ethan paused. His hand hovered over the handle, his body still, as if frozen in place. He didn’t know why he stopped—he just knew that something inside him wasn’t ready to cross that threshold yet.

Lilac glanced at him, her brow furrowing slightly. “What’s wrong?”

He didn’t answer right away.

Ethan knew, the second they stepped through that door, this brief, blissful reprieve would be over. Their lives—complicated, professional, and full of boundaries—would unpause, and they’d go back to pretending nothing had happened between them.

Lilac seemed to understand, even without him saying it. 

“It’ll be okay,” she said so quietly that Ethan thought he had imagined the words. “It has to be.”

But as Ethan stood there, watching her green eyes read his face, the realization hit him hard. It was foolish to think they needed a reset, a way to move past that kiss, to put it behind them. No matter how many boundaries and defenses he put up, there was no going back to the way they had been. At least, not for Ethan. 

Stealing a day for themselves only strengthened the roots of Ethan’s admiration for her. Watching her today, seeing her so at ease, hearing her laugh, seeing her face lit up by the sun—it had only made him want her more.

More than he ever should.

And he knew that no matter how much they tried to pretend, no matter how hard he tried to pull away, he was far too gone now.

Note: I don't know what that was! I'm just getting myself back in the habit of writing. Thank you for joining me on this ride!

[jamespotterthefirst]

Don't even get me started on 2025 and the shitshow it's been. Thankfully you've kept me sane (and hopeful with your daily post lol)

Thank you, Amiga ♥️

Dress (Ethan x F!MC)

Book: Open Heart

Pairing: Dr. Ethan Ramsey and MC (Lilac Allende)

Word Count: 1.5K

Rating/Warning: T/ Some Language

Summary: Loosely based on the events in Book 1, Chapter 9. After dinner with her roommates, she runs into Dr. Ramsey at the bar.

Note: Because Ethan never saw my MC in that hot dress. Inspired by Dress by Taylor Swift. Longer note at the end (meep).

The dimly lit bar thrummed with excitement, the energy as palpable as the plethora of glasses leaving the bar. All around, overworked medical staff in various degrees of inebriation laughed and talked over the loud music, making the most of the rare moments of freedom at their disposal. It was undoubtedly karaoke night—and if the neon sign flashing from above the small stage didn’t clue him in, the awful singing, the ruckus laughter, and the smell of fried bar food definitely would. Still, the tension pinching Ethan’s muscles knew only one remedy.  

“Well, I’ll be damned,” Reggie exclaimed with exaggeration at the sight of Ethan. “Hell must’ve frozen over if you’re here for karaoke night. What song should I queue up for you?”

“Very funny,” Ethan replied dryly, taking his usual seat at the bar. “No song, but I will take the usual.”

The bartender laughed his characteristic guffaw, one that he reserved for whenever he taunted Ethan. “Must’ve been one hell of a day if you need a drink badly enough to put up with all this.”

He nodded toward the stage where a group of interns belted the notes of some 90s song Ethan couldn’t place. They huddled around one microphone, swaying under the effects of half-priced pitchers of the night. One of the interns broke off in laughter, signaling at someone in the crowd to join them. 

“Hell of a week,” Ethan began to reply, but his attention lingered on the group. 

The more he watched them, the more recognition dawned on him. The one grinning broadly at the center, shorter than the rest, was Sienna Trinh. Beside her, Elijah Greene rapped the verse of the song expertly. On his right was a tall, lanky intern Ethan could not name if his life depended on it. 

If they were here, then so must—

“Lilac!” Trinh hissed into the mic, beckoning wildly from stage. “Get up here, now!” 

Jeers erupted as the crowd parted, revealing a laughing Lilac Allende. She shook her head enigmatically, but Trinh refused to give up. At long last, a pair of strong arms engulfed Lilac and easily picked her up. That arrogant surgeon that strutted through the halls of the hospital carried her on stage. 

Ethan looked away, annoyed. Lucky for him, Reggie had long since placed the glass of amber liquid in front of him. He took a swig, refusing to give in to the urge of glancing her way. 

It was no use, though. 

The last few months had proven that Lilac Allende was impossible to ignore. She had confidently taken reign of his senses from the moment her green eyes met his. Defeated, he glanced at the stage. The stage lights had brightened, matching the rhythmic Spanish song blaring from the speakers. One glance at the screens surrounding the small room told him it was a song by Selena Quintanilla.

“Anything for Selenas!” Lahela screeched through cupped hands. 

Lilac, meanwhile, made no use of the screens with the flashing lyrics. She sang the words confidently into the microphone, swaying and dancing, letting the music take over. Each sway of her hips commanded the space around her, all but hypnotizing anyone who watched. She was aware of how badly her voice sounded as she tried to hit the high notes, but the peal of laughter that rang out made Ethan’s chest feel weightless. 

At last, during a pause in the song, she shrugged off her long coat to the wild cheers of the crowd. 

“Get it, bitch!” Sienna cheered as she caught Lilac’s discarded coat. 

There was nothing particularly special about the dress Lilac wore. It was a shade of dark green Ethan could not specifically name if pressed. It could have even been modest or plain on anyone else, with long sleeves and a skirt that reached the floor. But on Lilac Allende the dress was nothing short of sinful. It caught the light as she danced and swayed to the music, captivating many in the room. The fabric hugged every curve and dip, flowing in a tantalizing rhythm as she danced. 

Ethan watched, clinging to his glass with unnecessary force. 

For one wild moment, he allowed himself to fantasize what it would be like to run his fingers along the leg slit. His lips would find her exposed shoulder, moving up her neck, and whispering in her ear, “Let’s get out of here.”

The song ended with a roar of applause. 

As though sensing his gaze on her, her green eyes found his from across the room, paralyzing him. 

Piercing blue eyes pinned her in place, making her body hum more than cheap alcohol ever could. Ethan Ramsey was watching her from his usual place at the bar, his expression unreadable but intense. Every instinct told her to stay away from him, her senses recognizing what grew heavy between them with each passing day.

Before she could think better of it, Lilac hopped off the stage and made her way to the bar, giving her friends some pretense about needing a drink badly. As she approached, Ethan’s posture stiffened, his attention on his glass of scotch. Though he stared at the amber liquid intently, it was nothing compared to the way he had watched her from across the room. 

“Didn’t expect to see you here, Doctor Ramsey,” she said by way of greeting. “It’s karaoke night.”

He looked up at last, though his posture still appeared tense. Lilac noticed his fingers flexed around his glass. 

“I’m aware,” he responded. “It looked like you were having fun.”

Lilac gave him a little shrug, sliding onto the barstool next to him. “Just blowing off some steam after a difficult day.”

Ethan’s shoulders stiffened slightly. She knew he was thinking about their earlier conversation regarding Mr. Platt. He opened his mouth, impassioned, as though ready to go toe-to-toe with her like before. Then, he seemed to think better of it. 

“Did you figure it out yet?” he asked instead. 

“Why you assigned him to me? No.”

“His diagnosis, Rookie.”

“Also no. That’s eluding me as much as your reasoning behind this.” 

She knew he was pushing him a little too hard. He could very well angrily shut down like he had done earlier, leaving her even more irritated and confused. Instead, he set his glass down on the bar top, sighing heavily. 

“I thought you could handle it.”

The inadequacy of this response made Lilac’s annoyance flare up.

“I must’ve miscalculated,” he added. 

“I can handle anything you give me,” she returned scathingly. 

“Surely not if this simple assignment is throwing you off.” “It’s not the assignment or the patient. It’s the reason why you did it.”

“The reason is simple. I'm your mentor. It's my job to push you.”

The busy bar around them continued to buzz with excitement. No one around them paid them any mind, and if they did, the look on Ethan's face alone was enough to make anyone glance anywhere else. Lilac, however, was not afraid of the icy glare fixed on her. Instead, she straightened her spine, her body imperceptibly closer to his. 

“I don't believe you,” she informed him. 

He pinched the bridge of his nose. “You're not letting this go, are you?” 

“You already know the answer to that, Dr. Ramsey.”

Lilac watched him take a long swig of his drink. Truth be told, she was shocked he was still sitting there, humoring her. Any other time, he would have stormed off. 

Tonight was different. 

“If you're so sure there's some grand explanation, then enlighten me, Rookie.”

Lately, everything was different with him, as though the Earth shifted on its axis without their knowledge, leaving them swaying for balance. 

“I think…” she said, her voice quiet. She trailed off, entranced by his blue eyes on hers. Without her knowledge, she had leaned closer to him, their arms and thighs so close that she could feel the warmth of his body. For a breath, she allowed herself to imagine what that warmth would feel like pressed against her body, roaming every inch of her… The warmth of his hands on her skin, as he tugged her dress, pulled it, ripped it...

“I think…” she tried again, willing herself out of her haze. 

“Yes?” 

“You're deflecting.”

Ethan reeled back. “Deflecting? Deflecting what exactly?” 

How did she explain that she burned for him and a part of her believed he longed for her too? She couldn't bring herself to explain her deluded reasoning: that he wanted her just as badly as she wanted him. That there was something tangible between them that neither of them could ignore. That the reason Ethan assigned her an impossible patient was to prove that he didn't feel the same as Lilac— that she was just another intern. Saying the words out loud felt like giving up too much of herself. 

“There you are, Lilac!” Trinh exclaimed as she appeared by her side. “We need you. Landry and Elijah want to sing ‘Non-Stop’ but I have to sing ‘My Shot’. I have to or I will cry.”

Sienna's eyes fell on Ethan and she froze. “Sorry—Am I interrupting?” 

“Not at all,” Lilac assured her, hopping off the barstool. “Dr. Ramsey and I were done talking.” 

Ethan, on the other hand, looked as though he wanted to reach out to stop her. Lilac's body thrilled at the thought. 

“Enjoy your night, Dr. Ramsey.” 

“You, too, Dr. Allende.” 

Note: Hi. Hello. It's me. I'm the absolute problem, it's me.

There's so much to say. I always forget everything I want to say when I type these.

First, if anyone is still out there, and read this-- Thank you!

Second, to everyone reading and liking my old work while I was away, also thank you! You made my day when I would log on and see!

Third, I am working on a huge Open Heart project. As I re-read ch. 9 inspiration struck. Writing after all this time felt like rusty gears slowly starting to turn. It felt good, though. I hope I can do more of it!

I will definitely post old fics I wrote once upon a time but never posted.

Love you all. Missed you!

-Bree

[jamespotterthefirst]

Thank you, love 💕

Dress (Ethan x F!MC)

Book: Open Heart

Pairing: Dr. Ethan Ramsey and MC (Lilac Allende)

Word Count: 1.5K

Rating/Warning: T/ Some Language

Summary: Loosely based on the events in Book 1, Chapter 9. After dinner with her roommates, she runs into Dr. Ramsey at the bar.

Note: Because Ethan never saw my MC in that hot dress. Inspired by Dress by Taylor Swift. Longer note at the end (meep).

The dimly lit bar thrummed with excitement, the energy as palpable as the plethora of glasses leaving the bar. All around, overworked medical staff in various degrees of inebriation laughed and talked over the loud music, making the most of the rare moments of freedom at their disposal. It was undoubtedly karaoke night—and if the neon sign flashing from above the small stage didn’t clue him in, the awful singing, the ruckus laughter, and the smell of fried bar food definitely would. Still, the tension pinching Ethan’s muscles knew only one remedy.  

“Well, I’ll be damned,” Reggie exclaimed with exaggeration at the sight of Ethan. “Hell must’ve frozen over if you’re here for karaoke night. What song should I queue up for you?”

“Very funny,” Ethan replied dryly, taking his usual seat at the bar. “No song, but I will take the usual.”

The bartender laughed his characteristic guffaw, one that he reserved for whenever he taunted Ethan. “Must’ve been one hell of a day if you need a drink badly enough to put up with all this.”

He nodded toward the stage where a group of interns belted the notes of some 90s song Ethan couldn’t place. They huddled around one microphone, swaying under the effects of half-priced pitchers of the night. One of the interns broke off in laughter, signaling at someone in the crowd to join them. 

“Hell of a week,” Ethan began to reply, but his attention lingered on the group. 

The more he watched them, the more recognition dawned on him. The one grinning broadly at the center, shorter than the rest, was Sienna Trinh. Beside her, Elijah Greene rapped the verse of the song expertly. On his right was a tall, lanky intern Ethan could not name if his life depended on it. 

If they were here, then so must—

“Lilac!” Trinh hissed into the mic, beckoning wildly from stage. “Get up here, now!” 

Jeers erupted as the crowd parted, revealing a laughing Lilac Allende. She shook her head enigmatically, but Trinh refused to give up. At long last, a pair of strong arms engulfed Lilac and easily picked her up. That arrogant surgeon that strutted through the halls of the hospital carried her on stage. 

Ethan looked away, annoyed. Lucky for him, Reggie had long since placed the glass of amber liquid in front of him. He took a swig, refusing to give in to the urge of glancing her way. 

It was no use, though. 

The last few months had proven that Lilac Allende was impossible to ignore. She had confidently taken reign of his senses from the moment her green eyes met his. Defeated, he glanced at the stage. The stage lights had brightened, matching the rhythmic Spanish song blaring from the speakers. One glance at the screens surrounding the small room told him it was a song by Selena Quintanilla.

“Anything for Selenas!” Lahela screeched through cupped hands. 

Lilac, meanwhile, made no use of the screens with the flashing lyrics. She sang the words confidently into the microphone, swaying and dancing, letting the music take over. Each sway of her hips commanded the space around her, all but hypnotizing anyone who watched. She was aware of how badly her voice sounded as she tried to hit the high notes, but the peal of laughter that rang out made Ethan’s chest feel weightless. 

At last, during a pause in the song, she shrugged off her long coat to the wild cheers of the crowd. 

“Get it, bitch!” Sienna cheered as she caught Lilac’s discarded coat. 

There was nothing particularly special about the dress Lilac wore. It was a shade of dark green Ethan could not specifically name if pressed. It could have even been modest or plain on anyone else, with long sleeves and a skirt that reached the floor. But on Lilac Allende the dress was nothing short of sinful. It caught the light as she danced and swayed to the music, captivating many in the room. The fabric hugged every curve and dip, flowing in a tantalizing rhythm as she danced. 

Ethan watched, clinging to his glass with unnecessary force. 

For one wild moment, he allowed himself to fantasize what it would be like to run his fingers along the leg slit. His lips would find her exposed shoulder, moving up her neck, and whispering in her ear, “Let’s get out of here.”

The song ended with a roar of applause. 

As though sensing his gaze on her, her green eyes found his from across the room, paralyzing him. 

Piercing blue eyes pinned her in place, making her body hum more than cheap alcohol ever could. Ethan Ramsey was watching her from his usual place at the bar, his expression unreadable but intense. Every instinct told her to stay away from him, her senses recognizing what grew heavy between them with each passing day.

Before she could think better of it, Lilac hopped off the stage and made her way to the bar, giving her friends some pretense about needing a drink badly. As she approached, Ethan’s posture stiffened, his attention on his glass of scotch. Though he stared at the amber liquid intently, it was nothing compared to the way he had watched her from across the room. 

“Didn’t expect to see you here, Doctor Ramsey,” she said by way of greeting. “It’s karaoke night.”

He looked up at last, though his posture still appeared tense. Lilac noticed his fingers flexed around his glass. 

“I’m aware,” he responded. “It looked like you were having fun.”

Lilac gave him a little shrug, sliding onto the barstool next to him. “Just blowing off some steam after a difficult day.”

Ethan’s shoulders stiffened slightly. She knew he was thinking about their earlier conversation regarding Mr. Platt. He opened his mouth, impassioned, as though ready to go toe-to-toe with her like before. Then, he seemed to think better of it. 

“Did you figure it out yet?” he asked instead. 

“Why you assigned him to me? No.”

“His diagnosis, Rookie.”

“Also no. That’s eluding me as much as your reasoning behind this.” 

She knew he was pushing him a little too hard. He could very well angrily shut down like he had done earlier, leaving her even more irritated and confused. Instead, he set his glass down on the bar top, sighing heavily. 

“I thought you could handle it.”

The inadequacy of this response made Lilac’s annoyance flare up.

“I must’ve miscalculated,” he added. 

“I can handle anything you give me,” she returned scathingly. 

“Surely not if this simple assignment is throwing you off.” “It’s not the assignment or the patient. It’s the reason why you did it.”

“The reason is simple. I'm your mentor. It's my job to push you.”

The busy bar around them continued to buzz with excitement. No one around them paid them any mind, and if they did, the look on Ethan's face alone was enough to make anyone glance anywhere else. Lilac, however, was not afraid of the icy glare fixed on her. Instead, she straightened her spine, her body imperceptibly closer to his. 

“I don't believe you,” she informed him. 

He pinched the bridge of his nose. “You're not letting this go, are you?” 

“You already know the answer to that, Dr. Ramsey.”

Lilac watched him take a long swig of his drink. Truth be told, she was shocked he was still sitting there, humoring her. Any other time, he would have stormed off. 

Tonight was different. 

“If you're so sure there's some grand explanation, then enlighten me, Rookie.”

Lately, everything was different with him, as though the Earth shifted on its axis without their knowledge, leaving them swaying for balance. 

“I think…” she said, her voice quiet. She trailed off, entranced by his blue eyes on hers. Without her knowledge, she had leaned closer to him, their arms and thighs so close that she could feel the warmth of his body. For a breath, she allowed herself to imagine what that warmth would feel like pressed against her body, roaming every inch of her… The warmth of his hands on her skin, as he tugged her dress, pulled it, ripped it...

“I think…” she tried again, willing herself out of her haze. 

“Yes?” 

“You're deflecting.”

Ethan reeled back. “Deflecting? Deflecting what exactly?” 

How did she explain that she burned for him and a part of her believed he longed for her too? She couldn't bring herself to explain her deluded reasoning: that he wanted her just as badly as she wanted him. That there was something tangible between them that neither of them could ignore. That the reason Ethan assigned her an impossible patient was to prove that he didn't feel the same as Lilac— that she was just another intern. Saying the words out loud felt like giving up too much of herself. 

“There you are, Lilac!” Trinh exclaimed as she appeared by her side. “We need you. Landry and Elijah want to sing ‘Non-Stop’ but I have to sing ‘My Shot’. I have to or I will cry.”

Sienna's eyes fell on Ethan and she froze. “Sorry—Am I interrupting?” 

“Not at all,” Lilac assured her, hopping off the barstool. “Dr. Ramsey and I were done talking.” 

Ethan, on the other hand, looked as though he wanted to reach out to stop her. Lilac's body thrilled at the thought. 

“Enjoy your night, Dr. Ramsey.” 

“You, too, Dr. Allende.” 

Note: Hi. Hello. It's me. I'm the absolute problem, it's me.

There's so much to say. I always forget everything I want to say when I type these.

First, if anyone is still out there, and read this-- Thank you!

Second, to everyone reading and liking my old work while I was away, also thank you! You made my day when I would log on and see!

Third, I am working on a huge Open Heart project. As I re-read ch. 9 inspiration struck. Writing after all this time felt like rusty gears slowly starting to turn. It felt good, though. I hope I can do more of it!

I will definitely post old fics I wrote once upon a time but never posted.

Love you all. Missed you!

-Bree

[jamespotterthefirst]

Babe, you using Pedro and Oscar jfirndkdkkd. I'm feral for those men 😩

Sorry, my animal brain got sidetracked lol

Thank you so much for reading and for being here. Your words inspired me when I read them and now I'm almost done with parts 2 and 3 ❤️

More Lovely and More Temperate (AU)

Pairing: Dr. Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Miss Lilac Allende)

Word count: 2.2K

Premise: The surly and reserved Dr. Ethan Ramsey is engaged to the spirited and determined Miss Lilac Allende. However, as they celebrate their love, unresolved ghosts from the past emerge, threatening to unravel their newfound happiness.

Series: AU, set in the 1800s. Continuation of She Walks In Beauty | A Red, Red Rose | How Do I Love Thee

Edenbrook had never looked quite so opulent, decorated from top to bottom with embellishments of crystal and gold. It was everything Ethan loathed. In fact, he carefully masked his disdain as he marched the familiar path toward his study, seeking a recess from the whirlwind of preparations. He reminded himself that enduring such a frivolous display was all worth it if it meant telling the whole world about his beloved.

The loud creak of the heavy, intricately-carved doors announced his arrival. From within his study, a figure clad in the most exquisite shade of forest green jumped with a start. There, by the grand windows, veiled in the golden glow of the sunset and looking even more radiant for it, was his fiancée. 

Lilac’s brief surprise turned into a coy smile when she realized it was him.

“Thank God it’s you,” she exhaled with palpable relief. “I thought it was my sister come to fuss about my hair again. She went on and on about how it was in dire need of pearls. I couldn’t stand it a minute longer! So I retreated here for a bit of peace.”

Ethan watched her from the doorway, momentarily transfixed. No matter how long he knew her, he always seemed quite perplexed that such a lovely creature existed, with those intelligent eyes set on him as though he was the sole object of her affection. The silent little smile she gifted him assured him that he was.

 Lilac sauntered over to him, as though the distance separating them was unbearable. The lush silk of her gown commanded his attention, swaying around her frame in ways that defied propriety. By the time his eyes reached the lovely ridge of her exposed collar bones, Ethan felt all his gentlemanly upbringing vanish in a flash. 

“Hello, my darling,” she murmured, walking into his awaiting arms. Her ungloved hands found the planes of his chest, burning pleasantly through the fabric of his coat. 

“You look—” she paused, her eyes studying him with torturous intnet. “—exceedingly handsome.”

A thrill scalded him at the unmistakable notes of desire in her voice. Breathless and entirely weakened by the familiar scent of her perfume, he leaned in and pressed a kiss on her exposed neck. Then, he moved to her ear to whisper—

“You look divine, my love.”

Lilac, unlike Ethan, did not miss a beat.

“I believe that's partly because of this corset,” she whispered in return, lips hovering over his jaw. “It works wonders, doesn't it?” 

As if to demonstrate this point, she took his hand and carefully guided it to the front of her gown. As his fingers skimmed the swell of her breasts, Ethan groaned, overcome with need. He kissed her quite fiercely. 

“It does make it quite difficult to breathe, though,” Lilac continued breathlessly between kisses. “You'll have to be a gentleman and peel it off of me at once.”

“A gentleman is the last thing I'll be.”

His voice was nothing short of a feral growl. Lilac responded in turn with a soft moan that reduced him to a savage. Before either of them knew it, Ethan had her pushed against the bookcase, intent on doing every scandalous thing she had been begging him to do to her for weeks. 

The sound of distant conversation from the hall brought this plan to an abrupt halt. With practiced ease, they separated, taking care to stand a respectable distance, even if Lilac's cheeks were far too flushed to ever convince anyone. 

Luckily, it was Mrs. Martinez who appeared at the door moments later. 

“There you two are!” She glanced between Ethan and Lilac, her knowing smile only growing by the second. “Lilac, my dear, you still need a chaperone, even if you are to be married soon. You can't be rid of me that easily.”

Lilac rolled her eyes, the gesture too loving to ever be mistaken for annoyance at the older woman. 

“Now, plaster on your best smile, Dr. Ramsey,” Mrs. Martinez continued. “Your guests are arriving.”

“Splendid,” he replied dryly. 

Lilac laughed, fixing him with a fond look. “Just think of me. Hopefully that summons a smile.”

Very gently, Ethan brought her hand to his lips. “There isn't a moment when you don't inhabit my thoughts.”

Levator labii superiosis. Masseter. Risorious. 

As the night progressed into a cacophony of lively conversation and music, the only activity that could assuage her nerves was privately naming the muscles of the face. Incidentally, they were the very same muscles that strained and ached as she forced polite smiles for the benefit of people she had barely seen in her life. Lilac was certain most of the present guests couldn't care less about her happiness with the infamous, taciturn Doctor Ramsey. Instead, they readily accepted the invitation to the engagement party as a pretense to closely inspect the poor woman doomed to spend her life with him. 

Depressor labii inferioris. Buccinator. Corrugator. 

Lilac recited the words like the names of old friends, effectively diverting her mind from the watchful eyes that scrutinized her every move. Without realizing it, her eyes scanned the crowd, easily finding the towering figure of her fiancé among a crowd of gentlemen. His carved jaw worked tightly as he pretended to listen, his handsome face a mask of impassiveness that barely disguised his disdain. When his eyes swiveled to meet hers, however, his expression softened. 

“Your hair is in dire need of pearls,” a voice said from behind her. “I am convinced that is the reason everyone here is staring at you so decidedly.”

The smirking face of her sister, Laurel, appeared before her. Though she was a few inches shorter than Lilac, the eldest Allende sister made up for it with character and snark. Her hair and eyes were darker, with high cheekbones and an elegant nose. In a peach satin gown, she ensnared the attention of many around her. 

Lilac scoffed. “I assure you, my hair is not what makes me an exciting topic of conversation.”

Laurel laughed, the sound unrestrained and just as beautiful as she was. “They're worse than a flock of uninhabited hens.”

“Ethan enjoys calling them a pack of rabid dogs.”

Her sister considered that, allowing an impressed nod. “I quite like that fiancé of yours.”

The sisters glanced at Doctor Ramsey in unison, watching the graceful movement of his mouth as he spoke to his mentor, Naveen Banerji. The latter said something amusing because Ethan allowed a small smile that transformed his features at once, melting the ice like the arrival of Spring. Laurel turned to Lilac with an approving nod.

“Very good choice, little sister. Very good choice indeed.”

Lilac opened her mouth to respond, but something—or rather someone— caught her eye from over Laurel's shoulder. The man, tall and handsome as ever, moved through the outskirts of the crowded ballroom with the grace and tact of a majestic creature, charming smile securely in place. Brilliant amber eyes that were alight with amusement met Lilac’s very briefly, before settling on Laurel. 

“You have an admirer.”

“Who?”

“Lord Carrick.”

Laurel let out a disapproving noise that would have been deemed unladylike by their mother. “The man who wanted to marry you?”

“The same.”

“His plan to court one sister failed so he hopes to court the other?” Laurel laughed as a thought struck her. “Or perhaps he knows I’m a widow and his intentions are wickeder—”

Laurel stopped abruptly, inspecting a scene unfolding by the pianoforte. “Papá is persuading our poor cousin Natalia to sing. You know how she dreads doing that. I must go.”

And without any further farewell, Laurel disappeared into the crowd. 

Lilac exhaled, searching the ballroom for her husband to be. She was determined to whisk him away to a desolate balcony and find comfort in his embrace. If Lilac had her way, which she easily did where Ethan was concerned, she could also find solace in his kiss. Her stomach felt weightless as she searched, every nerve ending buzzing with need. 

Before Lilac could make it very far, however, a young woman appeared before her, taking the place Laurel had just vacated. She was extraordinarily small, with a beautiful, delicate face that was rendered prettier still by her sunny disposition. Her black hair, inkier than any Lilac had ever seen before, was neatly plaited and pinned atop her head, with the exception of a thick, curled tendril resting over her shoulder. 

“You're Miss Lilac Allende,” she proclaimed, her ebullient smile growing wider. “Forgive me for not making your acquaintance appropriately. My father is acquainted with your fiancé and I hoped he would initiate an introduction. However, he has spent the whole night talking to his business partners with no end in sight. I simply could not wait any longer to meet you!” 

The girl spoke with so much glee that it was infectious. It was difficult to begrudge her anything, let alone a societal rule Lilac never understood in the first place. She did, however, feel quite embarrassed about not knowing the girl's name. 

“Pardon me,” the young girl said with a start, as though reading Lilac's mind. “Sienna Trinh, at your service.”

“It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

“Believe me, the pleasure is all mine!” Sienna studied Lilac's face before glancing around, as though to make sure they wouldn't be overheard. She lowered her voice regardless for good measure. “Forgive me for being so blunt but I've heard about your hobby.”

Lilac felt the color drain from her face. 

“My hobby?” 

“Medicine,” she added, her voice dropping even lower. 

Lilac's heart dropped to the bottom of her slippers. She hadn't been naive enough to believe she could keep her practices with Ethan a secret forever. The patients they treated were either trustworthy or under the impression Dr. Ramsey's apprentice was a boy named Liam. Still, it felt like a shock to learn word had gotten out. 

“My aunt was treated by you last month and my cousin realized you were not a boy. Please be assured your secret is safe with me.” Sienna added the last part quite urgently, as though willing Lilac to believe her. “Ever since I learned of your apprenticeship, I've wanted to meet you.”

“Are you in need of medical care, Miss Trinh?”

 “Not at all,” she clarified quickly. Then, she cast a nervous glance around to ensure their momentary privacy. “I, too, wish to study medicine.”

The words were whispered, lost in the din of music and conversation. 

“For my whole life, actually. As you know from experience, doing so was nearly impossible so I surrendered that dream. When I learned you're not only studying it but practicing it, I felt hopeful. You've inspired me, Miss Allende.”

The sparkle in Miss Trinh's eyes, in turn, granted Lilac inspiration of her own. Suddenly, she felt compelled to aid her in this ambition. 

“I can speak to my fiancé about assisting you. He's quite understanding—” 

But Sienna was already shaking her head quite vigorously. “Please, Miss Allende, do not think this confession comes with any expectation. I merely wished to meet you and inform you of how empowering you are. Not only for me! I've made the acquaintance of another extraordinary young woman who was also inspired by you. Jacqueline Varma—” 

Sienna's eyes swiveled to something over Lilac's shoulder and whatever she saw, made her words die at once. She paled, pressing her lips shut in an effort to appear casual. Before Lilac could ask, a new addition to their group made himself known. 

“Good evening,” Lord Carrick said with a bow. Both ladies curtsied in turn, Lilac rather begrudgingly. “You look radiant this evening, Miss Allende.”

“Thank you, my lord,” Lilac returned, thinking of how scandalized her mother would be if she was anything but polite to a baron. 

Sienna, sensing Lilac's dislike for the handsome devil before them, straightened her spine, as though standing guard. This, combined with Lilac's barely contained glare made the baron chuckle. The gesture ended in a charming smile that might have worked on anyone else. 

“Congratulations on your engagement,” he continued rather cheerfully. “I am pleased to see Doctor Ramsey engaged at last.”

Lilac nodded tursely, unwilling to say anything. Instead, she trained her eyes on the evening's guests, chatting and drinking around Edenbrook's grand ballroom. Lord Carrick let out another low chuckle, undeterred.

“Here's to hoping this engagement lasts,” he said, raising his glass of brandy up to the light. “Unlike the last time he was set to be married.”

Lilac looked at him then, unable to conceal her surprise. 

“He didn't tell you?” 

She said nothing, feeling the color drain from her face. Beside her, Sienna shifted closer to her, a fierce protector. Lord Carrick's eyes glinted in the golden light of the chandelier, poorly disguised glee glinting in their depths. 

“He was set to marry an old family friend when his family resided in Scotland. Miss Harper Emery was a brilliant, beautiful woman of high pedigree. Such a shame their marriage never came to pass.”

It was suddenly difficult to breathe as Lilac glanced around the room, searching for an escape. Her gaze fell on Ethan, silently willing him to look at her, to deny these claims. 

“Why did it end?” 

Her voice was strangled. 

“I shouldn't—” 

“What happened?”

“Miss Emery's brother was killed,” Lord Carrick said, shaking his head in a lament. “And I imagine Miss Emery couldn't bear to marry the man who pulled the trigger.”

Note: If you read this, then I dedicate this to you with all my heart.

Part 2 will be posted soon!

[jamespotterthefirst]

Sorry lol

Thanks for reading!! ❤️

More Lovely and More Temperate (AU)

Pairing: Dr. Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Miss Lilac Allende)

Word count: 2.2K

Premise: The surly and reserved Dr. Ethan Ramsey is engaged to the spirited and determined Miss Lilac Allende. However, as they celebrate their love, unresolved ghosts from the past emerge, threatening to unravel their newfound happiness.

Series: AU, set in the 1800s. Continuation of She Walks In Beauty | A Red, Red Rose | How Do I Love Thee

Edenbrook had never looked quite so opulent, decorated from top to bottom with embellishments of crystal and gold. It was everything Ethan loathed. In fact, he carefully masked his disdain as he marched the familiar path toward his study, seeking a recess from the whirlwind of preparations. He reminded himself that enduring such a frivolous display was all worth it if it meant telling the whole world about his beloved.

The loud creak of the heavy, intricately-carved doors announced his arrival. From within his study, a figure clad in the most exquisite shade of forest green jumped with a start. There, by the grand windows, veiled in the golden glow of the sunset and looking even more radiant for it, was his fiancée. 

Lilac’s brief surprise turned into a coy smile when she realized it was him.

“Thank God it’s you,” she exhaled with palpable relief. “I thought it was my sister come to fuss about my hair again. She went on and on about how it was in dire need of pearls. I couldn’t stand it a minute longer! So I retreated here for a bit of peace.”

Ethan watched her from the doorway, momentarily transfixed. No matter how long he knew her, he always seemed quite perplexed that such a lovely creature existed, with those intelligent eyes set on him as though he was the sole object of her affection. The silent little smile she gifted him assured him that he was.

 Lilac sauntered over to him, as though the distance separating them was unbearable. The lush silk of her gown commanded his attention, swaying around her frame in ways that defied propriety. By the time his eyes reached the lovely ridge of her exposed collar bones, Ethan felt all his gentlemanly upbringing vanish in a flash. 

“Hello, my darling,” she murmured, walking into his awaiting arms. Her ungloved hands found the planes of his chest, burning pleasantly through the fabric of his coat. 

“You look—” she paused, her eyes studying him with torturous intnet. “—exceedingly handsome.”

A thrill scalded him at the unmistakable notes of desire in her voice. Breathless and entirely weakened by the familiar scent of her perfume, he leaned in and pressed a kiss on her exposed neck. Then, he moved to her ear to whisper—

“You look divine, my love.”

Lilac, unlike Ethan, did not miss a beat.

“I believe that's partly because of this corset,” she whispered in return, lips hovering over his jaw. “It works wonders, doesn't it?” 

As if to demonstrate this point, she took his hand and carefully guided it to the front of her gown. As his fingers skimmed the swell of her breasts, Ethan groaned, overcome with need. He kissed her quite fiercely. 

“It does make it quite difficult to breathe, though,” Lilac continued breathlessly between kisses. “You'll have to be a gentleman and peel it off of me at once.”

“A gentleman is the last thing I'll be.”

His voice was nothing short of a feral growl. Lilac responded in turn with a soft moan that reduced him to a savage. Before either of them knew it, Ethan had her pushed against the bookcase, intent on doing every scandalous thing she had been begging him to do to her for weeks. 

The sound of distant conversation from the hall brought this plan to an abrupt halt. With practiced ease, they separated, taking care to stand a respectable distance, even if Lilac's cheeks were far too flushed to ever convince anyone. 

Luckily, it was Mrs. Martinez who appeared at the door moments later. 

“There you two are!” She glanced between Ethan and Lilac, her knowing smile only growing by the second. “Lilac, my dear, you still need a chaperone, even if you are to be married soon. You can't be rid of me that easily.”

Lilac rolled her eyes, the gesture too loving to ever be mistaken for annoyance at the older woman. 

“Now, plaster on your best smile, Dr. Ramsey,” Mrs. Martinez continued. “Your guests are arriving.”

“Splendid,” he replied dryly. 

Lilac laughed, fixing him with a fond look. “Just think of me. Hopefully that summons a smile.”

Very gently, Ethan brought her hand to his lips. “There isn't a moment when you don't inhabit my thoughts.”

Levator labii superiosis. Masseter. Risorious. 

As the night progressed into a cacophony of lively conversation and music, the only activity that could assuage her nerves was privately naming the muscles of the face. Incidentally, they were the very same muscles that strained and ached as she forced polite smiles for the benefit of people she had barely seen in her life. Lilac was certain most of the present guests couldn't care less about her happiness with the infamous, taciturn Doctor Ramsey. Instead, they readily accepted the invitation to the engagement party as a pretense to closely inspect the poor woman doomed to spend her life with him. 

Depressor labii inferioris. Buccinator. Corrugator. 

Lilac recited the words like the names of old friends, effectively diverting her mind from the watchful eyes that scrutinized her every move. Without realizing it, her eyes scanned the crowd, easily finding the towering figure of her fiancé among a crowd of gentlemen. His carved jaw worked tightly as he pretended to listen, his handsome face a mask of impassiveness that barely disguised his disdain. When his eyes swiveled to meet hers, however, his expression softened. 

“Your hair is in dire need of pearls,” a voice said from behind her. “I am convinced that is the reason everyone here is staring at you so decidedly.”

The smirking face of her sister, Laurel, appeared before her. Though she was a few inches shorter than Lilac, the eldest Allende sister made up for it with character and snark. Her hair and eyes were darker, with high cheekbones and an elegant nose. In a peach satin gown, she ensnared the attention of many around her. 

Lilac scoffed. “I assure you, my hair is not what makes me an exciting topic of conversation.”

Laurel laughed, the sound unrestrained and just as beautiful as she was. “They're worse than a flock of uninhabited hens.”

“Ethan enjoys calling them a pack of rabid dogs.”

Her sister considered that, allowing an impressed nod. “I quite like that fiancé of yours.”

The sisters glanced at Doctor Ramsey in unison, watching the graceful movement of his mouth as he spoke to his mentor, Naveen Banerji. The latter said something amusing because Ethan allowed a small smile that transformed his features at once, melting the ice like the arrival of Spring. Laurel turned to Lilac with an approving nod.

“Very good choice, little sister. Very good choice indeed.”

Lilac opened her mouth to respond, but something—or rather someone— caught her eye from over Laurel's shoulder. The man, tall and handsome as ever, moved through the outskirts of the crowded ballroom with the grace and tact of a majestic creature, charming smile securely in place. Brilliant amber eyes that were alight with amusement met Lilac’s very briefly, before settling on Laurel. 

“You have an admirer.”

“Who?”

“Lord Carrick.”

Laurel let out a disapproving noise that would have been deemed unladylike by their mother. “The man who wanted to marry you?”

“The same.”

“His plan to court one sister failed so he hopes to court the other?” Laurel laughed as a thought struck her. “Or perhaps he knows I’m a widow and his intentions are wickeder—”

Laurel stopped abruptly, inspecting a scene unfolding by the pianoforte. “Papá is persuading our poor cousin Natalia to sing. You know how she dreads doing that. I must go.”

And without any further farewell, Laurel disappeared into the crowd. 

Lilac exhaled, searching the ballroom for her husband to be. She was determined to whisk him away to a desolate balcony and find comfort in his embrace. If Lilac had her way, which she easily did where Ethan was concerned, she could also find solace in his kiss. Her stomach felt weightless as she searched, every nerve ending buzzing with need. 

Before Lilac could make it very far, however, a young woman appeared before her, taking the place Laurel had just vacated. She was extraordinarily small, with a beautiful, delicate face that was rendered prettier still by her sunny disposition. Her black hair, inkier than any Lilac had ever seen before, was neatly plaited and pinned atop her head, with the exception of a thick, curled tendril resting over her shoulder. 

“You're Miss Lilac Allende,” she proclaimed, her ebullient smile growing wider. “Forgive me for not making your acquaintance appropriately. My father is acquainted with your fiancé and I hoped he would initiate an introduction. However, he has spent the whole night talking to his business partners with no end in sight. I simply could not wait any longer to meet you!” 

The girl spoke with so much glee that it was infectious. It was difficult to begrudge her anything, let alone a societal rule Lilac never understood in the first place. She did, however, feel quite embarrassed about not knowing the girl's name. 

“Pardon me,” the young girl said with a start, as though reading Lilac's mind. “Sienna Trinh, at your service.”

“It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

“Believe me, the pleasure is all mine!” Sienna studied Lilac's face before glancing around, as though to make sure they wouldn't be overheard. She lowered her voice regardless for good measure. “Forgive me for being so blunt but I've heard about your hobby.”

Lilac felt the color drain from her face. 

“My hobby?” 

“Medicine,” she added, her voice dropping even lower. 

Lilac's heart dropped to the bottom of her slippers. She hadn't been naive enough to believe she could keep her practices with Ethan a secret forever. The patients they treated were either trustworthy or under the impression Dr. Ramsey's apprentice was a boy named Liam. Still, it felt like a shock to learn word had gotten out. 

“My aunt was treated by you last month and my cousin realized you were not a boy. Please be assured your secret is safe with me.” Sienna added the last part quite urgently, as though willing Lilac to believe her. “Ever since I learned of your apprenticeship, I've wanted to meet you.”

“Are you in need of medical care, Miss Trinh?”

 “Not at all,” she clarified quickly. Then, she cast a nervous glance around to ensure their momentary privacy. “I, too, wish to study medicine.”

The words were whispered, lost in the din of music and conversation. 

“For my whole life, actually. As you know from experience, doing so was nearly impossible so I surrendered that dream. When I learned you're not only studying it but practicing it, I felt hopeful. You've inspired me, Miss Allende.”

The sparkle in Miss Trinh's eyes, in turn, granted Lilac inspiration of her own. Suddenly, she felt compelled to aid her in this ambition. 

“I can speak to my fiancé about assisting you. He's quite understanding—” 

But Sienna was already shaking her head quite vigorously. “Please, Miss Allende, do not think this confession comes with any expectation. I merely wished to meet you and inform you of how empowering you are. Not only for me! I've made the acquaintance of another extraordinary young woman who was also inspired by you. Jacqueline Varma—” 

Sienna's eyes swiveled to something over Lilac's shoulder and whatever she saw, made her words die at once. She paled, pressing her lips shut in an effort to appear casual. Before Lilac could ask, a new addition to their group made himself known. 

“Good evening,” Lord Carrick said with a bow. Both ladies curtsied in turn, Lilac rather begrudgingly. “You look radiant this evening, Miss Allende.”

“Thank you, my lord,” Lilac returned, thinking of how scandalized her mother would be if she was anything but polite to a baron. 

Sienna, sensing Lilac's dislike for the handsome devil before them, straightened her spine, as though standing guard. This, combined with Lilac's barely contained glare made the baron chuckle. The gesture ended in a charming smile that might have worked on anyone else. 

“Congratulations on your engagement,” he continued rather cheerfully. “I am pleased to see Doctor Ramsey engaged at last.”

Lilac nodded tursely, unwilling to say anything. Instead, she trained her eyes on the evening's guests, chatting and drinking around Edenbrook's grand ballroom. Lord Carrick let out another low chuckle, undeterred.

“Here's to hoping this engagement lasts,” he said, raising his glass of brandy up to the light. “Unlike the last time he was set to be married.”

Lilac looked at him then, unable to conceal her surprise. 

“He didn't tell you?” 

She said nothing, feeling the color drain from her face. Beside her, Sienna shifted closer to her, a fierce protector. Lord Carrick's eyes glinted in the golden light of the chandelier, poorly disguised glee glinting in their depths. 

“He was set to marry an old family friend when his family resided in Scotland. Miss Harper Emery was a brilliant, beautiful woman of high pedigree. Such a shame their marriage never came to pass.”

It was suddenly difficult to breathe as Lilac glanced around the room, searching for an escape. Her gaze fell on Ethan, silently willing him to look at her, to deny these claims. 

“Why did it end?” 

Her voice was strangled. 

“I shouldn't—” 

“What happened?”

“Miss Emery's brother was killed,” Lord Carrick said, shaking his head in a lament. “And I imagine Miss Emery couldn't bear to marry the man who pulled the trigger.”

Note: If you read this, then I dedicate this to you with all my heart.

Part 2 will be posted soon!

[jamespotterthefirst]

OMG! Thank you, kindly 😍

I'm so happy you liked this series. It's a bit like my baby ❤️

More Lovely and More Temperate (AU)

Pairing: Dr. Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Miss Lilac Allende)

Word count: 2.2K

Premise: The surly and reserved Dr. Ethan Ramsey is engaged to the spirited and determined Miss Lilac Allende. However, as they celebrate their love, unresolved ghosts from the past emerge, threatening to unravel their newfound happiness.

Series: AU, set in the 1800s. Continuation of She Walks In Beauty | A Red, Red Rose | How Do I Love Thee

Edenbrook had never looked quite so opulent, decorated from top to bottom with embellishments of crystal and gold. It was everything Ethan loathed. In fact, he carefully masked his disdain as he marched the familiar path toward his study, seeking a recess from the whirlwind of preparations. He reminded himself that enduring such a frivolous display was all worth it if it meant telling the whole world about his beloved.

The loud creak of the heavy, intricately-carved doors announced his arrival. From within his study, a figure clad in the most exquisite shade of forest green jumped with a start. There, by the grand windows, veiled in the golden glow of the sunset and looking even more radiant for it, was his fiancée. 

Lilac’s brief surprise turned into a coy smile when she realized it was him.

“Thank God it’s you,” she exhaled with palpable relief. “I thought it was my sister come to fuss about my hair again. She went on and on about how it was in dire need of pearls. I couldn’t stand it a minute longer! So I retreated here for a bit of peace.”

Ethan watched her from the doorway, momentarily transfixed. No matter how long he knew her, he always seemed quite perplexed that such a lovely creature existed, with those intelligent eyes set on him as though he was the sole object of her affection. The silent little smile she gifted him assured him that he was.

 Lilac sauntered over to him, as though the distance separating them was unbearable. The lush silk of her gown commanded his attention, swaying around her frame in ways that defied propriety. By the time his eyes reached the lovely ridge of her exposed collar bones, Ethan felt all his gentlemanly upbringing vanish in a flash. 

“Hello, my darling,” she murmured, walking into his awaiting arms. Her ungloved hands found the planes of his chest, burning pleasantly through the fabric of his coat. 

“You look—” she paused, her eyes studying him with torturous intnet. “—exceedingly handsome.”

A thrill scalded him at the unmistakable notes of desire in her voice. Breathless and entirely weakened by the familiar scent of her perfume, he leaned in and pressed a kiss on her exposed neck. Then, he moved to her ear to whisper—

“You look divine, my love.”

Lilac, unlike Ethan, did not miss a beat.

“I believe that's partly because of this corset,” she whispered in return, lips hovering over his jaw. “It works wonders, doesn't it?” 

As if to demonstrate this point, she took his hand and carefully guided it to the front of her gown. As his fingers skimmed the swell of her breasts, Ethan groaned, overcome with need. He kissed her quite fiercely. 

“It does make it quite difficult to breathe, though,” Lilac continued breathlessly between kisses. “You'll have to be a gentleman and peel it off of me at once.”

“A gentleman is the last thing I'll be.”

His voice was nothing short of a feral growl. Lilac responded in turn with a soft moan that reduced him to a savage. Before either of them knew it, Ethan had her pushed against the bookcase, intent on doing every scandalous thing she had been begging him to do to her for weeks. 

The sound of distant conversation from the hall brought this plan to an abrupt halt. With practiced ease, they separated, taking care to stand a respectable distance, even if Lilac's cheeks were far too flushed to ever convince anyone. 

Luckily, it was Mrs. Martinez who appeared at the door moments later. 

“There you two are!” She glanced between Ethan and Lilac, her knowing smile only growing by the second. “Lilac, my dear, you still need a chaperone, even if you are to be married soon. You can't be rid of me that easily.”

Lilac rolled her eyes, the gesture too loving to ever be mistaken for annoyance at the older woman. 

“Now, plaster on your best smile, Dr. Ramsey,” Mrs. Martinez continued. “Your guests are arriving.”

“Splendid,” he replied dryly. 

Lilac laughed, fixing him with a fond look. “Just think of me. Hopefully that summons a smile.”

Very gently, Ethan brought her hand to his lips. “There isn't a moment when you don't inhabit my thoughts.”

Levator labii superiosis. Masseter. Risorious. 

As the night progressed into a cacophony of lively conversation and music, the only activity that could assuage her nerves was privately naming the muscles of the face. Incidentally, they were the very same muscles that strained and ached as she forced polite smiles for the benefit of people she had barely seen in her life. Lilac was certain most of the present guests couldn't care less about her happiness with the infamous, taciturn Doctor Ramsey. Instead, they readily accepted the invitation to the engagement party as a pretense to closely inspect the poor woman doomed to spend her life with him. 

Depressor labii inferioris. Buccinator. Corrugator. 

Lilac recited the words like the names of old friends, effectively diverting her mind from the watchful eyes that scrutinized her every move. Without realizing it, her eyes scanned the crowd, easily finding the towering figure of her fiancé among a crowd of gentlemen. His carved jaw worked tightly as he pretended to listen, his handsome face a mask of impassiveness that barely disguised his disdain. When his eyes swiveled to meet hers, however, his expression softened. 

“Your hair is in dire need of pearls,” a voice said from behind her. “I am convinced that is the reason everyone here is staring at you so decidedly.”

The smirking face of her sister, Laurel, appeared before her. Though she was a few inches shorter than Lilac, the eldest Allende sister made up for it with character and snark. Her hair and eyes were darker, with high cheekbones and an elegant nose. In a peach satin gown, she ensnared the attention of many around her. 

Lilac scoffed. “I assure you, my hair is not what makes me an exciting topic of conversation.”

Laurel laughed, the sound unrestrained and just as beautiful as she was. “They're worse than a flock of uninhabited hens.”

“Ethan enjoys calling them a pack of rabid dogs.”

Her sister considered that, allowing an impressed nod. “I quite like that fiancé of yours.”

The sisters glanced at Doctor Ramsey in unison, watching the graceful movement of his mouth as he spoke to his mentor, Naveen Banerji. The latter said something amusing because Ethan allowed a small smile that transformed his features at once, melting the ice like the arrival of Spring. Laurel turned to Lilac with an approving nod.

“Very good choice, little sister. Very good choice indeed.”

Lilac opened her mouth to respond, but something—or rather someone— caught her eye from over Laurel's shoulder. The man, tall and handsome as ever, moved through the outskirts of the crowded ballroom with the grace and tact of a majestic creature, charming smile securely in place. Brilliant amber eyes that were alight with amusement met Lilac’s very briefly, before settling on Laurel. 

“You have an admirer.”

“Who?”

“Lord Carrick.”

Laurel let out a disapproving noise that would have been deemed unladylike by their mother. “The man who wanted to marry you?”

“The same.”

“His plan to court one sister failed so he hopes to court the other?” Laurel laughed as a thought struck her. “Or perhaps he knows I’m a widow and his intentions are wickeder—”

Laurel stopped abruptly, inspecting a scene unfolding by the pianoforte. “Papá is persuading our poor cousin Natalia to sing. You know how she dreads doing that. I must go.”

And without any further farewell, Laurel disappeared into the crowd. 

Lilac exhaled, searching the ballroom for her husband to be. She was determined to whisk him away to a desolate balcony and find comfort in his embrace. If Lilac had her way, which she easily did where Ethan was concerned, she could also find solace in his kiss. Her stomach felt weightless as she searched, every nerve ending buzzing with need. 

Before Lilac could make it very far, however, a young woman appeared before her, taking the place Laurel had just vacated. She was extraordinarily small, with a beautiful, delicate face that was rendered prettier still by her sunny disposition. Her black hair, inkier than any Lilac had ever seen before, was neatly plaited and pinned atop her head, with the exception of a thick, curled tendril resting over her shoulder. 

“You're Miss Lilac Allende,” she proclaimed, her ebullient smile growing wider. “Forgive me for not making your acquaintance appropriately. My father is acquainted with your fiancé and I hoped he would initiate an introduction. However, he has spent the whole night talking to his business partners with no end in sight. I simply could not wait any longer to meet you!” 

The girl spoke with so much glee that it was infectious. It was difficult to begrudge her anything, let alone a societal rule Lilac never understood in the first place. She did, however, feel quite embarrassed about not knowing the girl's name. 

“Pardon me,” the young girl said with a start, as though reading Lilac's mind. “Sienna Trinh, at your service.”

“It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

“Believe me, the pleasure is all mine!” Sienna studied Lilac's face before glancing around, as though to make sure they wouldn't be overheard. She lowered her voice regardless for good measure. “Forgive me for being so blunt but I've heard about your hobby.”

Lilac felt the color drain from her face. 

“My hobby?” 

“Medicine,” she added, her voice dropping even lower. 

Lilac's heart dropped to the bottom of her slippers. She hadn't been naive enough to believe she could keep her practices with Ethan a secret forever. The patients they treated were either trustworthy or under the impression Dr. Ramsey's apprentice was a boy named Liam. Still, it felt like a shock to learn word had gotten out. 

“My aunt was treated by you last month and my cousin realized you were not a boy. Please be assured your secret is safe with me.” Sienna added the last part quite urgently, as though willing Lilac to believe her. “Ever since I learned of your apprenticeship, I've wanted to meet you.”

“Are you in need of medical care, Miss Trinh?”

 “Not at all,” she clarified quickly. Then, she cast a nervous glance around to ensure their momentary privacy. “I, too, wish to study medicine.”

The words were whispered, lost in the din of music and conversation. 

“For my whole life, actually. As you know from experience, doing so was nearly impossible so I surrendered that dream. When I learned you're not only studying it but practicing it, I felt hopeful. You've inspired me, Miss Allende.”

The sparkle in Miss Trinh's eyes, in turn, granted Lilac inspiration of her own. Suddenly, she felt compelled to aid her in this ambition. 

“I can speak to my fiancé about assisting you. He's quite understanding—” 

But Sienna was already shaking her head quite vigorously. “Please, Miss Allende, do not think this confession comes with any expectation. I merely wished to meet you and inform you of how empowering you are. Not only for me! I've made the acquaintance of another extraordinary young woman who was also inspired by you. Jacqueline Varma—” 

Sienna's eyes swiveled to something over Lilac's shoulder and whatever she saw, made her words die at once. She paled, pressing her lips shut in an effort to appear casual. Before Lilac could ask, a new addition to their group made himself known. 

“Good evening,” Lord Carrick said with a bow. Both ladies curtsied in turn, Lilac rather begrudgingly. “You look radiant this evening, Miss Allende.”

“Thank you, my lord,” Lilac returned, thinking of how scandalized her mother would be if she was anything but polite to a baron. 

Sienna, sensing Lilac's dislike for the handsome devil before them, straightened her spine, as though standing guard. This, combined with Lilac's barely contained glare made the baron chuckle. The gesture ended in a charming smile that might have worked on anyone else. 

“Congratulations on your engagement,” he continued rather cheerfully. “I am pleased to see Doctor Ramsey engaged at last.”

Lilac nodded tursely, unwilling to say anything. Instead, she trained her eyes on the evening's guests, chatting and drinking around Edenbrook's grand ballroom. Lord Carrick let out another low chuckle, undeterred.

“Here's to hoping this engagement lasts,” he said, raising his glass of brandy up to the light. “Unlike the last time he was set to be married.”

Lilac looked at him then, unable to conceal her surprise. 

“He didn't tell you?” 

She said nothing, feeling the color drain from her face. Beside her, Sienna shifted closer to her, a fierce protector. Lord Carrick's eyes glinted in the golden light of the chandelier, poorly disguised glee glinting in their depths. 

“He was set to marry an old family friend when his family resided in Scotland. Miss Harper Emery was a brilliant, beautiful woman of high pedigree. Such a shame their marriage never came to pass.”

It was suddenly difficult to breathe as Lilac glanced around the room, searching for an escape. Her gaze fell on Ethan, silently willing him to look at her, to deny these claims. 

“Why did it end?” 

Her voice was strangled. 

“I shouldn't—” 

“What happened?”

“Miss Emery's brother was killed,” Lord Carrick said, shaking his head in a lament. “And I imagine Miss Emery couldn't bear to marry the man who pulled the trigger.”

Note: If you read this, then I dedicate this to you with all my heart.

Part 2 will be posted soon!

[jamespotterthefirst]

Estop!!! They're such a hot couple. And so regal looking. You're making me mis TRR!

Soulmate Saturday

03.01.25 Reblog and post characters that are soulmates.

[jamespotterthefirst]

❤️❤️❤️

Soulmate Saturday

03.01.25 Reblog and post characters that are soulmates.

[jamespotterthefirst]

top 3 places to bleed out:

1. the snow

2. your lover/best friend/homoerotic comrade’s arms

3. bathroom floor

[jamespotterthefirst]

"Why didn't they just communicate?? They're so stupid!" Have you considered that communicating with someone you love and value and don't want to hurt is scary and that vulnerability takes practice and that perfect characters with perfect words make the most boring stories of all

[jamespotterthefirst]

ANA DE ARMAS at the Annual Academy Awards - March 02, 2025