#(penguin pebbling)

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Autistic Love Languages

Deep pressure

Penguin Pebbling

Unmasking 

Info Dumping

Stimming

Body doubling

Sharing interests

Spending spoons

Littlepuddins.ie

[jadefarringtonlaunceston]

What are the five neurodivergent love languages?

You’ve probably heard of the five love languages of words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service and receiving gifts, but did you know the neurodivergent community have five of our own?

They are ways of connecting with one another and showing care.

Parallel play involves doing things alongside one another, but not together. This might literally be playing with two different toys, but it can take many other forms. In adulthood, one person might be watching TV while their partner reads a book. They might not even be doing anything at all. No one is directly engaging with anyone else or trying to influence what they do, but they’re still enjoying one another’s company.

Parallel play is sometimes referred to as ‘being alone together’. Almost everyone engages in this occasionally, but for many neurodivergent people it can be a favoured activity — particularly for autistics.

Neuronormative society sometimes stereotypes this as an awkward silence, or implies there is something wrong when people act like this. Perhaps their marriage is falling apart! Well it could be, but it’s usually the opposite. Parallel play demonstrates how relaxed the people involved are in each other’s company.

Those involved are not feeling any demands to engage, merely enjoying existing in the same space while they simultaneously enjoy their preferred activities. They benefit from the social connection without expending mental energy, and no small talk is necessary.

This cute name comes from the habit penguins have of giving stones to one another to show they care. Plenty of autistics and ADHDers have rock collections so this can be followed quite literally, but it’s also much broader.

Penguin pebbling is a way of showing thought for one another. Maybe you saw an object or a meme or article that reminded you of someone. Collecting it for them, tagging them in it, or messaging it to them all comes under penguin pebbling.

It’s a way of building and maintaining connection in a thoughtful way. It demonstrates you’re thinking of someone in a way that is likely to resonate with them. As with all neurodivergent attributes, everyone does this at some point, but it’s probably something you do regularly if you’re autistic or ADHD.

Deep interests are very common for neurodivergent people. They might be lifelong loves; special interests lasting several years; or intense hyperfixations that burn bright before fading out. If autistics or ADHDers are in-between interests this can be a source of real stress due to their monotropic nature and the need to focus deeply on things that grab their attention.

Infodumping is sharing your love of a topic by talking about or otherwise communicating it to others — usually at great length.

The great lectures of the past were basically scientists and other important people infodumping to a large audience, and we still see it today in talks, webinars and podcasts. This page is one huge infodump about counselling and neurodiversity.

Encouraging your friends and loved ones to talk to you about their deep interests, whether or not you share them, can be a way of demonstrating you care. Autistics in particular tend to have a love of information and knowledge. Neuronormative society often frowns on this, viewing correcting others with new information as wrong, and talking passionately about topics as strange.

Infodumping to one another and being accepted can be a fantastic way for neurodivergent people to connect and feel comfortable. If someone feels able to infodump to you then it is often a good indicator that they feel safe and secure in your presence.

Neurodivergent people typically have spiky profiles, which means they can be great at some things and really struggle with others. An individual’s capacity will fluctuate too based on a huge range of factors such as age, health, stress, sleep, connection, and intersectional considerations.

This means that neurodivergents typically need some form of support in some areas of their lives, and these can vary hugely. Support swapping involves friends, family, or even strangers in a group, taking time to support one another.

Someone might need reminders to perform tasks such as brushing their teeth, taking medication or paying bills. Another might need help with practical jobs such as cleaning or cooking meals.

Some people have no trouble making phone calls but they struggle with writing emails. If their friend experiences the opposite then they can do each other’s tasks.

Support swapping is sometimes referred to as sharing spoons, recognising that certain tasks take up far less energy for some people than others.

Neuronormative standards tell us we should be independent, yet everyone relies on others in some way or another. Support swapping sees interdependence as a natural, normal way of being that can actually bring us closer together instead of viewing those who need support (everyone!) as a burden.

On a basic level this is giving someone a tight hug, but there’s a lot more to the idea behind it.

Proprioception is a sense like taste or smell, but you probably weren’t taught about it at school. It’s what allows you to receive external force or input; to know where you are in space; and to figure out how much effort is needed.

Aspects of proprioception can be a struggle for some neurodivergent people. This may be apparent in things like appearing clumsy; having an unusual posture or way of walking; or finding it difficult to copy someone who’s demonstrating dance moves or gym exercises.

Some neurodivergent people have a big need for proprioceptive input, or this may fluctuate based on how they’re feeling. Lifting weights, climbing, and many other sports are ways of receiving this, but some people have a specific need for deep pressure. This is where the love language aspect of giving tight hugs comes in. You may have seen memes describing it as crushing a person’s soul back into their body as it can be particularly helpful when someone is feeling overwhelmed, frazzled or fragmented.

Not everyone likes to receive deep pressure from others, and many neurodivergent people have trauma around being touched, so please always ask someone before you give them a bear hug. Some get their need met through things like body socks, weighted blankets, or swaddles, which can provide pressure for longer than a fellow human can sustain.

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What I offer:

Counselling for adults and young people aged 16+ online and in Launceston. Sessions are 60 minutes. These usually take place weekly or fortnightly but other arrangements may be possible. It’s important you feel safe and comfortable with whichever counsellor you choose. I offer a free, 30-minute online video call for anyone who is interested in working with me but would like to find out more first.

Rewind trauma therapy for PTSD symptoms can be carried out as part of counselling work or as a stand-alone therapy.

Ad hoc clinical supervision/consultation around neurodiversity for counsellors, therapists, mental health practitioners, education professionals and others.

One-to-one video calls for those who are considering becoming counsellors and would like support navigating the range of qualification pathways. See How to Become a Counsellor in the UK.

[talking-2-the-wall]

Hi!

Not only do I make art, but I create things in Canva as well

All that combined with my love for penguin pebbling, and I make gifts at random moments

like this for @strangesunny

This is their pfp made by them:

now i know barely anything about tf2 but i had an idea

(he has natsuki barrettes bc i say so)

anyway, as i say with all gifts,

you like?

[rosetyler42]

Had this idea bouncing around my head for a while. I found out one of the Autistic love languages is Unusual gifts or "Penguin pebbling" - which totally seemed like something Ericka would do (both for Drac and the others - I figure she's one of those people who buys or finds souvenirs everyplace she goes, both for herself and to give to family members. And greatly appreciates when others do the same for her, such as Johnavis and her "Hot Dawg" Goblin dog shirt.) And since Drac canonically hasn't left the hotel much since Martha died and is used to being the one taking care of others, (not to mention the whole monster/human thing) I kinda thought Ericka finding him a shell - especially a conch shell that you can hear the ocean in to remind him of her - would be cute and sweet.

So yeah, Ericka showing some of that autistic rizz.

Infographic from @my-autism-adhd-blog and Amanda No Guinness/Little Puddins.

@lovelylivelyv @black-ak9 @hotelt-resurrection @ssleeping-in-a-coffin @serial-serializednovelreader @deathfangirl9 @kittyball23 @twinklecupcake @wingingfromthezing

[parallel-system]

Being unsure how to mend a relationship and just handing them a pebble and hoping it helps

[stimpunks]

Map of Monotropic Experiences

Monotropism seeks to explain autism in terms of attention distribution and interests. OSF Preprints | Development and Validation of a Novel Self-Report Measure of Monotropism in Autistic and Non-Autistic People: The Monotropism Questionnaire This map highlights 20 common aspects of monotropic experience. How many do you experience? Map of Monotropic Experiences Map of Monotropic Experiences…

[marshmallowwitharubberband]

If you think about it, the penguin custom of offering a stone as a sign of courtship is technically the same thing we do with engagement rings. "Here's a shiny rock with completely made-up value, be with me forever"

💍🐧

[sleepyeye17]

Neurodivergent Love Languages: Penguin Pebbling

Final installment of this series. Sorry for the delay, depression hit. 

This series of fics is inspired by a post by amythest@neurowonderful. The post is on the five Neurodivergent love languages: Infodumping, parallel play, support swapping, ‘crush my soul back into my body,’ and ‘I found this cool object and thought of you’. This is the fifth and final fic in the series, and the love language is I found This Cool Object, also known as Penguin Pebbling. Neurowonderful defines this as “I found this cool rock/button/leaf etc and thought you would like it: unconventional gift giving, sharing things that are valuable or interesting to you as a sign of affection, OR giving someone a thing you know they are interested in (sure, memes count).” Some people call this penguin pebbling, because Gentoo Penguins show love by giving their SO pebbles.

Eddie slips things into Steve’s pockets. Steve doesn’t even notice he’s doing it at first, but when he does laundry he finds things that Eddie has snuck in there.

A Bic lighter, when Eddie finally swears to quit smoking. It has a little bat drawn on it in black sharpie. 

A thin comb, the kind you get for free at hotels. 

A tootsie roll. 

A cork, with the tapered end stained burgundy. 

A pair of purple dice. 

A lead soldier. 

Steve keeps all of these things in an old wooden cigar box with a picture of Romeo and Juliet on it. The box belonged to his grandfather. Now it’s filled with Eddie’s things.

A scrunchie.

A sheet of photos of the two of them, taken at the arcade photo booth. It shows Eddie leaning in and kissing Steve on the cheek, then ducking out, leaving Steve looking red and bewildered.

A perfectly round stone.

A ring made out of a nail.

A wolf figurine.

Steve doesn’t give those sorts of things to Eddie. He does give Eddie dandelions, though. Any time he sees a dandelion, he picks it and gives it to Eddie. He’ll make a whole bouquet of them, or put them in Eddie’s hair. Eddie loves them. He loves how wild and light they are.

“Why dandelions?” he asks. Steve shrugs.

“I dunno. They’re wild. Have a lot of wishes.” He smiles. “Very hard to kill.”

[kiruliom]

time for penguin pebbling

(if youd like to) share one (or more!!) of your favorite terms you coined or hoarded, can be literally anything for any reason

Ill go first

mine's infigendercraftic from kiinglover

definition: a gender related to the Minecraft splash text saying "Contains infinite genders!"

reasoning (not necessary): I like minecraft and I also thecnically contain infinite genders >:D

[call-me-pup2]

If we were penguins I'd go and find you the coolest rock

[mywordstovictor]

Got a friend having a hard time and my animal meme supply is dwindling. If you come across this post and you have something good saved (they especially like cats) and you send it my way I promise I’ll add it to my emotional support memes folder and put it to good use. I still have a few they haven’t seen yet so it’s not urgent or anything but it would still be appreciated.

[your-jester-whimsi]

it is so weird how love works. every time i see a zodiac sign related post i always check for aries because a friend i have long since fallen out of touch with was an aries. whenever i get sad i scroll through the messages of myself and a good friend. i have so many screenshots on my phone because this little post i saw reminded me of someone, or because maybe one day i’ll get this for them. i keep all the bracelets on my wrist because “this one my friend made for me” and “this one my mom, sister, grandma and i got after having our flight home get repeatedly cancelled and it says ‘see the good’ because we went out and had fun even though we were stressed about getting home.” i wore it even when no one else did, and cried when i lost it. and knowing how much it meant, when my mom found the bracelet somewhere else she bought it for me.

once i had a panic attack at universal’s studio because i lost a necklace that someone very dear to me gave me. when we were at the early stages of our relationship he asked if we were friends and i explained that friends is a hard word for me to use, and i don’t have many friends, and the day i finally called him “friend” he was absolutely elated. he then had to leave the school, for some very complex reasons, towards the end of third quarter and i absolutely sobbed. at the end of the year i went back to my classroom and my homeroom teacher told me he had come in while i was away and given gifts to the friend group, and it was a necklace. i wore it every day and didn’t bother to even take it off when i showered, so when i lost it at universal’s i panicked because it was a physical manifestation of our friendship.

and that’s basically a lot of words for saying i like penguin pebbling because it gives me physical proof of our friendship. and how love, to me, is still caring long after drifting away.

[penguin-pebble]

Journal 20/24/09/21

Uh Dear Diary I guess? 

I’ve never really been one to journal, but Mood’s been taking research notes and I guess when I end up going home people are going to want to know about this world. It’s a little weird being here. Like things are mostly the same, and then suddenly there's this gap. There’s cars and houses and phones here but they’re all just different, different shapes, holes or hooks or latches in weird places or brands I don’t recognize but seem so familiar and established. 

People act a little differently too. We’re both human, as far as biology is concerned (those were some of the first tests when I arrived) but sometimes instincts or social stuff is a little different. And some of the animals are weird too. Like my first day here, mood introduced me to everyone in the house and mentioned pets, saying something like “oh fido and spot must be out back right now you’ll probably meet them tomorrow”. The next morning, I woke up to the biggest pigeon I’d ever seen, loafed and purring in the sunbeam that fell on the guest bed. Complete with a little paracord harness and dog tag that read “Fido”. Upon asking, Mood brought out a notepad and asked me what kind of pets I was used to. Any answers were followed by furious scribbling. 

That notepad basically followed me around for the first few weeks staying here. Eventually, Harper noticed that I seemed a little uncomfortable, but apparently, the solution was to get everyone a little notebook “That way everyone can do some science”. 

So here we are, after a quick trip to Brad’s paper and craft supply we’ve all got new notebooks. I tried to find the most plain but well... Options ranged from childish to gaudy, from Tyler’s sketchbook with multicolored cartoon hippogryphs to the journal featuring the large multicolored rhinestones Harper chose. I still feel like a preppy schoolgirl with what I was able to find, along with my new “stationary kit”. It seems to contain pencils, gel pens, and highlighters in every conceivable color, but absolutely no eraser or correction fluid in sight. I guess writing all this down has helped a little. I’m still a little uncomfortable with Mood studying me like some weird mold in a petri dish… but I guess that is her job. And now I get to document everything weird that happens here too. Look out strange bird world, you're about to get scienced!

[cadencedreaming]

ND Love Languages - Penguin Pebbling

I've been thinking about the Neurodivergent love languages ever since I mentioned them in another post. Of the five "languages," Penguin Pebbling is by far my go-to strategy for signalling "Hey, I like you!" Sometimes referred to as "Look at this cool rock I found!", Penguin Pebbling is based on the practice observed in Gentoo penguins, who will scoop up a good pebble in their beaks and carry them to their nest partner. This BBC article says it's "a gift that acknowledges the relationship between the two penguins and helps grow the nest for their budding family.”

In humans, ‘pebbles’ can be anything from a funny meme to a pic of the dinner we just cooked, to an art piece we're working on. It can be a random snap that encapsulates our experience of any particular given moment, or a small thing we bought that brings us joy. The point of Penguin Pebbling is to share something you found/saw/did/experienced that you thought was funny and cool, to let the other person know you're thinking of them and wanting to include them in your world. It's also an easy test to see if the other person is on your wavelength, and a great way to connect and add to a “nest” for a budding relationship. 

To further build on the idea of ‘love languages’ in general, today I found out about something called 'emotional bids', via this page: "[Emotional] Bids can be small or big, verbal or nonverbal. They’re requests to connect. Bids are often purposely subtle because people are afraid to be vulnerable and put themselves out there. It’s scary to say, “Hey! I want to connect! Pay attention to me!” so instead, we ask a question or tell a story or offer our hand for connection. We hope we’ll receive connection in return, but if not, it’s less scary than pleading, “Connect with me, please!” 

Penguin Pebbling is an extremely low risk emotional bid. If you share something you like with someone, and they think it's gross, stupid or unfunny, or judge you for it… well then you know you haven't found the right person to connect with, and you can choose to dial back your investment in them no harm no foul. It's certainly an easy way to avoid being hurt; instead of a wild declaration of intention that leaves you vulnerable, at worst you're left with a joke that didn't land, or an artistic endeavour in need of appreciation by someone else. 

But what happens when two Penguin Pebblers get together and pebble each other until there's an eight feet wall of tiny stones between the two of you? Honestly this is a very real problem, ngl. It probably involves someone punching a hole through the wall to finally have a frank conversation about all the cool rocks you've collectively gifted each other, which turns a low risk activity into an extremely high risk one.  But if neither of you does it, you’ll just be awkwardly staring at each other across rooms and up all night texting memes to each other until your friends finally stage an intervention to get the two of you together. (Remind me to post on “Lesbian Sheepitude” sometime!). 

At any rate, I find it interesting to have discovered a new ‘love language’ (my traditional LL is ‘words of affirmation’, which as a writer, should come as no surprise).  I can definitely identify lots of times in the past where I engaged in pebbling, without knowing what it was or why I felt so hurt when partners and friends didn’t care about the shiny thing I was trying to show them.  I know it’s impossible to wrap everything up in a tidy box with a neat little bow, but it does give me some tools to understand and communicate more transparently with the important people in my life. 

One of the things I’m the most proud of myself for is that I took the time about a decade ago to do some intentional and intense personal development work around improving my attitudes towards honesty and integrity and improving my communication with people. That’s why I find all this stuff about how humans relate and communicate and feel about each other so fascinating.  In another life I’m sure I would have made a great actual psychologist, instead of just an armchair one. :P 

[small-names-big-ideas]

Penguin Pebbling

the idea:

a modern type of asynchronous, usually text-based, emotional bid that serves as a shorthand for "i saw this and thought of you". penguin pebbles are often memes or short pieces of media like videos, songs, or articles. this is related to, but not the same as, third things (which require synchronicity of gaze).

my original source:

this tiktok, which specifically proposes penguin pebbling as a neurodivergent love language.

[laughroditee]

I'd like to believe that Simon Riley is the kind of guy to watch animal documentaries.

One night, he watches one about Gentoo penguins, who mate for life. The males court their chosen partners by presenting them with the smoothest pebble he can find, and should his potential mate accept, that pebble becomes the foundation for the nest they will build together.

While on deployment, Simon searches the ground and rubble for the smoothest, most appealing rock he can find -- it's not like he has much else to do during downtime -- and then he gives it to you.

You don't really know what to make of it at first, but the mere act of accepting it opened the way to receiving pebbles each and every time he comes back from deployment, or anywhere else really. Now you have rocks from all around the world. And also from outside the barber shop and the bakery and the beach....