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Crafting forecast has changed! Some local organizations are looking for, well, a lot of things for disaster relief, but the one I can help with is the request for baby blankets so I am switching into baby blanket mode for I don't know how long
#the person behind the yarn#at least a week probably#depends on what fabric I have on hand and when I can get to the store#I might try to use what I have on hand and hope joanns does another sale this weekend?#because I just missed their last sale on flannel#but I can make patchwork flannel blankets#and regular quilts#Basic Baby Quilt Time#I am rarely so aware of my physical limitations as at times like this#where I really want to help. and I might be able to! but if I am wrong about how much I can help#someone will have to leave the location where we are working to take me home#and if I am honest it's not a question of IF I will have to leave early but WHEN#so I am more helpful by not going because other people won't have to leave early#if my stupid circulatory system would just cooperate I could help! I used to!#I have the muscle mass to move things it's just not reliable because of my everything else
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I don't know who needs to hear this but smoking cigarettes in a non-smoking rental unit isn't cool or rebellious or "aesthetic", you're just an inconsiderate asshole and you're ruining the place for all future tenants because I can guarantee no landlord is EVER going to put in the work necessary to get that smell out of the walls once it's in there. you're not sticking it to anyone in authority, you're just making the available options worse for other people who are gonna need a place to live in the future and can't afford to be that picky
#buny text#my current place smells like smoke and i don't notice it usually until i leave for more than like 6 hours and then come home#and it hits me like a wall and i am immediately overcome with embarrassment about literally every time I've had someone over#when i go somewhere else i notice all my clothes smell like it too#don't do this shit I'm serious. if you're going to maintain a terrible self-destructive habit at least go do it outside
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1.01 / 2.17 (41)
#I love how out of so many callbacks in E41 (and even a direct E01 flashback) we also get this tiny little E01 callback#I love how Mahidevran immediately steps in to assure her son that she won't leave him in *any* uncertainty that may come#whether it's about them both facing the unknown future in Topkapi for the first time that would truly point to the separation Mustafa fears#(but rather separation from Süleiman and Ibrahim for *both* Musti and Mahi right from the start that Musti will sense and not take well)#or *someone else* facing an unknown future with the *exact* seperation attached to it that Mustafa fears - separation from mom#(and Musti relates and sympathizes with that situation instead perhaps namely due to whatever separation he's experienced)#(also Musti having grown fonder of his brothers as well; this whole gifset can sorta sum up Mustafa's development#re: his feelings for his brothers up until now but that will be a post for another day:))#I love how both scenes are staged with the direction emphasizing the vastness of the castle in E01 making Musti and Mahi smaller as if#they are sucked in already before even entering there but they still lean on each other seeking each other like a child seeks#his mother's closeness and E41 being set in Mahi's chambers the castle having already become their home and Musti getting this#accustomed that he has his own chambers already and goes to his mother's just to visit but always feeling at ease & the same goes for Mahi#they're already used to some distance and it is even encouraged to an extent (E34) but they're always there for each other#and Mahi gets joyful relief of SS calling hse in her chambers instead of the frantic nervousness that overtook her in E01#when SS didn't even *visit* her and her son; Mustafa gets a little sad look when SS calls her here instead of the insistence for#SS and Ibrahim to come but he goes to his room calmly & respectfully anyway for his mother to have her moment while in E01 he couldn't see#anything outside of his father's absense and of course he's like that he's a child but it's like they've all grown up and come so far aww#also the reversal of their positions in the two scenes and them talking on equal footing <33#just me fangirling all around for no reason <33#magnificent century#muhteşem yüzyıl#muhtesem yuzyil#mahidevran sultan#sehzade mustafa
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SICK. "right person, wrong time."
#SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK.#my HANDS are shaking.#what the fuck.#lolaa.txt#sorry 4 freakoutposting . nobody can know about this so i have nowhere else to say it all.#WHO SAYS THAT TO SOMEONE.#RIGHT PERSON WRONG TIME. WHY IS IT WRONG TIME.#WHY AM I RIGHT PERSON.#IM RIGHT PERSON.#WHAT. WHAT#HE TALKED ABOUT ME TO HIS FRIENDS. AND HES SO TOTALLY HONEST#I WAS FULLY LAYING ON HIS CHEST AND HE SAYS 'ok i do have to turn on the ac . ' AND SORT OF HALF LAUGHED SMILED AT ME#HE WAS BLUSHING .#HE KISSED ME.#AND IT WAS MESSY AND AWKWARD AND VERY SIDEWAYS BUT HE KISSED ME#AGAIN AND AGAIN. AND HE KEPT SMILING.#AND HE DIDNT WANT ME TO LEAVE BUT HE DIDNT WANT ME TO BE IN TROUBLE#i was 2 hours late getting home. AUHHHHHHHHHGHHHHHHHHGHIGHSEOIFHSEFOUESHFESJKKMNN#FUCKKK. I HAVE TO SEE HIM TOMORROW. IN A SCHOOL SETTING.#AND I CANT TELL ANY OF MY FRIENDS?????????#only one person knows and i swore her to secrecy because she wanted us to get together really bad.#FUCK but like . we cant. we cant do it right person WRONG TIME#but also can we just go back to being friends. do i really want to forget? it was so comfy.#FUCK.#FUCKKKKKK . AND CAM.#cam is so so sweet. light of my life cam. talented and artistic and handsome cam.#but. cam doesnt watch movies. or make mixtapes. or kiss me in the front seat of their car because our noses touched when we laughed#AGAIN SORRY. NORMAL. i need to tell my parents about the movie (tradition that they hear all about it) and NOT bring any of this up#i will be dodging the allegations the whole time. NOT EVERYONE GETS SOMEONE PREGNANT IN HIGH SCHOOL FATHER.#so there is that.
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The Guardian// Lucille Clifton The book of light: “climbing”// The Players’ Tribune Listen to the Honey Badger
#back when I had just joined f1blr just lurking there was someone who reblogged this text that said#he left because he didn’t want to be the footnote in someone else’s story and tagged it Daniel#and this has stayed with me since#forever dying on the hill Daniel left redbull not because he was running from a fight but because he had the belief in himself#that he could win the championship elsewhere#and of course the whole prodigal son paradigm#he had to leave home to know the importance of it#and he had to leave for them to realise what they’re losing in him#all of it had to happen the way it did#because if it hadn’t he couldn’t have ever returned home#daniel ricciardo
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the apartmentverse urge to make the assassins weird immortals due to interacting with the apple who all survive to the modern day and have to Deal with mundane things like public transport…
#they should have a support group about it#ezio would start it. im not sure how high attendance is. probably not very high or consistent.#but like they do have it. technically. they can find the few others who understand what the price of interacting with the pieces of eden was#they’re probably much more The Old Guard than apartmentverse technically but i do need to make altaïr and ezio just hang out. maybe go#through a mcdonalds drive through together. get some mcnuggets.#still covered in blood but it’s dark out so the employees don’t see as they hand their food off. and they climb on top of a warehouse to eat#together. i don’t think they’re… friends? in the way you’d think of friends normally but its more like. when you go to primary school with#someone and they become your friend because you have such a limited pool of options but they’re your friend for life because of that shared#experience. ezio & altaïr are that but for being forced into immortality when they both wish they could have left this fight a long long#time ago and now everyone else they’ve known and loved are gone and they’ve even lost track of their descendants because well. after a while#there’s just… so many.#the other assassins should go through this too. i genuineky dont remember if bayek found any eden artifacts but i like him so he should be#around. and maybe his wife. evie & jacob of course. and the ac3 protag i havent met yet.#also that pirate guy. i played ac4 for five minutes ten years ago but im claiming him he should be around#the point is. when you’ve been around this long. all the other disagreements pale in comparison to that shared weight.#and the point of THAT is. if the templars ever found out about this and kidnapped one of their group. suddenly like a dozen assassins with#hundreds of years of experience each descend on them to free their friend.#they may not be able to dismantle the templars completely even working together. but they can sure as hell protect what’s theirs.#the other point of this is desmond getting accepted into this weird little group.#they’re not *not* also a cult to be fair but-#ohhhhhh thinks about 16 year old fresh runaway desmond on ezio’s couch (he likes having his own place. so sue him. altaïr’s the one opposed#to settling down. like it’ll come back to bite him to choose a home. (and ezio’s in denial that having a home will always one day mean#leaving it.)) and *anyway* teenage desmond fresh off the farm and months without a home. probably *not* agreeing to be brought home with#ezio per say. and altaïr is there because ezio kidnapping children is *weird* and maybe altaïr is not technically the oldest assassin but#he sure does seem to take responsibility for all their actions like he is. anyway. he questions ezio. and all ezio has to say in his defense#is. is. ‘look at him.’#and for now. before they know *who* desmond is. for now he has a spot on ezio’s couch because he looks so much like a younger altaïr.#the end of the world and all the prophecy can come later and desmond *probably* gave ezio a fake name so he can also freak out when they#learn that little detail as well. BUT. but. you get it#ive rambled on too much here
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ohhhh my fucking god nobody needs to like know any of this medical tmi but it is literally 11 pm and if im kept up one minute longer when i just laid down trying to go to sleep by my mother YELLING REPEATEDLY that she needs to pee. im going to actually go insane. she got a catheter in. Yesterday. it is working. she won't listen to anyone when they tell her that this is the case. help me jesus. im sure if a nurse comes to check on her tomorrow they'll probably get the same response. my brain will simply explode
#crow.txt#the absolute levels of stress im under could create diamonds out of free floating carbon atoms my fucking god#can i have. Literally just one day of peace. just one!! fuck!!!!#at least now i have SOME validation from everyone else of shit that mom has honestly kinda always done#be absolutely furious and bitchy usually for no good goddamn reason and then immediately turn it off to look good in front of someone else#i had a feeling mom coming home was gonna be utterly miserable sooner rather than later#i literally cannot leave my room without her yelling for dad bc she thinks im him i guess. she has gotten him up like 4 times now#what the fuck do you want any of us to doooooooooooo. according to dad shes also just been really fucking hateful today#including to her SISTER who has been facilitating literally everything medically for her for the last month plus#like on one hand i know its hard and frustrating etc etc absolutely. on the other. what the fuck are you yelling at any of us for!#whatd we do! not a damn thing for the most part! holy shit im exhausted#and then im sure she will have the audacity to wonder why i dont really want to interact with her much rn#its very apparent she doesnt really understand whats going on or how much of anything works at this point including hospice care#but i truly cannot help you when your knee jerk response is to yell and be abusive. like. dads not been great either#bc hes also one to bitch and moan and yell abt shit. but like. so is mom. more than usual#and ill actually be damned if i let her treat me like that honestly ever again. like idk for once i can just#walk away from this behavior with zero consequences. i dont have to take it anymore. im not free but at least im fuckin closer than i was#guess my aunt wasnt kidding when she said her being coherent and rational last week might be the calm before the storm
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..
#nothing makes me truly reaffirm my commitment to being poly like the day after a rugby match#i love my bf. i love them wholly and truly for who they are. i dont want them to change outside of healing. y'know that being the best you.#but i dont want them to be someone else. so the fact theyre not a coddling caregiver isnt something I'm ever going to change in them.#they bring me coffee and check in on me and set reminders for my meds and tell me when they have to leave for errands with mum#but they always have to see to other responsibilities because they are that person.#and I love them for that. i love them for being a dutiful son and a pragmatic foreman who prepares for the week.#what does this have to do with polyam james you may ask? well ill tell you-#im learning as i have been for a while now#that as i am a chief caregiver for many ppl in my life including bf and now the ruggers (im a board member)#i deeply deeply DEEPLY want/need care when im in crisis or at a low point and theres no low point quite like post match#when your systems are coming down from adrenaline and everything fuckin hurts like hell and whats worse you're injured#im not good at being taken care of i acknowledge that. but to be coddled and handled with care rn?#have someone to sit with me and make me food and eat with me and help me stay tethered and hold me a bit and smoke with me#idk not even in a sex sense just to be held and cared for#thats why poly am is a thing for me. i love my partners and I dont want to change them i dont want to force all this on them#certain needs can be met by certain ppl in certain ways etc but love is love it is always love its just shown differently#as i was writing this bf called to say he was bringing home nonalc beer for me. i know he loves me. i know he cares. it's just different.#tbd im so very tired and achy and weepy today dont mind me#the match was great for the squad but im not thrilled with myself#hence wanting to curl up in a hole and not come out
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i guess, i guess, i guess this is the end...
#last night together before moz leaves :'(#ah shit i got the lyrics wrong. it should be “since before i was me” but oh well i'll fix it when i clean this up#wip#moz#gabe#when forever was us#i think they still get together intermittently throughout the years but only during moz's visits home#and only stopping when gabe meets someone else who he wants to be serious with
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i have to think about chilchuck and laios forever
#random thoughts#dungeon meshi#the fact laios is holding back so much anger and he's the one who chilchuck lets out so much of his anger on#like you've seen how many times he beats on him and degrades him and laios just takes it#they're both holding so many secrets from their party like???#chilchuck's entire personal life. laios's interest in monsters and kensuke.#the fact laios somehow hid his interest in eating monsters from the entire party before this???#laios is estranged from his parents and very close with his sister. chilchuck is estranged from his wife and very close with his daughters#chilchuck thinks laios knows him better than anyone else in the party. chilchuck canonically thinks laios is dangerous and unreasonable#which like? reductive but accurate.#laios holds the lives of those he cherishes above all else. the world could go to hell for all he cares as long as those he loves are safe#chilchuck fears intimacy and could never admit how much he values the people around him unless under severe threat#god. i have to read dungeon meshi again. i need to analyze them#one self-sacrificing dumbass and one self-preserving selfish dumbass#laios has problems putting his needs first when it comes to those he loves. i can easily see that conflicting with chilchucks selfishness#i do think after chilchucks failed marriage he would become more hypervigilant in his relationships once he allows himself to date again#like he doesn't necessarily understand what he did wrong but he knows he did something#god the irony of someone so perceptive failing to recognize his wife's needs#imagining chilchuck recognizing laios is not satisfied by something and he asks him abt it and laios is like 'no im fine dont worry abt me'#like fully sincere. laios is used to denying himself what he needs for others#ran away from home when falin was being mistreated. sacrifices his body in the end when he becomes The Big Guy#suppresses himself to try and make others like him more or at least dislike him less#do you think he'd suppress himself at first when in a relationship with chilchuck out of fear of driving him away#chilchuck's perception vs laios's poor masking fight fight fight#god they both fear each other leaving. laios because he fears being like his father and driving chilchuck away like his dad drove him away#and chilchuck because his wife left him and he didn't fully understand Why.#the fact chilchuck thinks laios should act like more of a leader. do you think he fears becoming a poor leader like his dad?#chilchuck trusts and values laios as a leader and that scaring the shit out of both of them 👌👌👌#this is why they're switches okay
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buck would run away from home whenever he did something bad. like oh 😔😔 im so bad i cant stay here, they dont want me anymore because im bad. so hed run away. but then when it starts raining he runs back home and scratches at the door until eddie opens it and is like. buck thank god where were you?? and drags him inside and wraps him in warm fluffy towels and gives him hot tea and plays with his damp hair and is like why did you do that? dont run away again i was so worried. and buck is like okay i wont ☺️☺️
#more dog buck#i cant stop thinking about it#ik eddie prob has issues with people running away#but when buck does it its not because hes trying to escape#he does it like a dog runs and hides when it gets hurt only buck hurts himself by overthinking his place in eddies life#and eddie isnt scared that buck left him#hes worried the way you get when the dog gets out#like you leave the back gate open and he runs out and youre just worried because you know he wants to come home he just doesnt know how to#youre worried that hes gonna get hurt when he is out of your sight and you wont be able to help him#or someone else will take him in because how could anyone not take in such a sweet little puppy#but you just want him to come home because he belongs in your house and whenever he is not napping on the couch youre worried#me thinks
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Any men out there wanna pretend to be my bf to get my parents off my case about marriage? I am so so serious right now.
#my mom gave me a really really lonf lecture and upset me because her and my dad want me to start thinking about settling down ans getting#married. again. cos this comes up all the time. ans I reiterated that i do wanna marry and have kids. i know im 26 years old why do they'#think im also not aware of this??? like i suddenly forgot my own age and have my head in the clouds all the time. and i got so heated cos i#said they only believe in that in theory. in reality neither of them have accepted the idea od my leaving home or the idea of mw being with#a man. and they start freaking out if they even find out i talk to them so to say they want me to get married is so fucking naive#ans when i mentioned this and that they're more than ok w mt brothers talking tp women she said that if i wanted to settle down she could#talk to dad and they could “go about finding someone for me” and I've never been so pissed#i got so upset. why does everyone keep saying this to me. as if anyone my dad knows could ever be a half decent man#and the truth is they don't care if im in a happy marriage they've accepted that i won't be they only care that im gone and saving face in#front of family. that's all. it's always reputation it's always “what will people say?”#not once did love come up. not once did shw even imply that i should marryfor love#or that they hope i love someone and marry them. because they're more happy with the idea of me marrying for the sake of it than#they are at the idea of me finding genuine lovw#im not a fucking broodmare im not here to push out babies for the sake od reputation.#and then i said nor being married isn't the end of the world and she said “it's important that you settle down”#and i said im unwavering in my principles. she can call mw high maintenance like she loves doing but I'm not wavering on the#kind of man i want to be with and when i do marry him i want it to bw genuine. because be loves me and vice versa not because im ticking off#somethin from a damn checklist to appease them. and if being unwavering on my principles means staying unmarried then so be it.#my obligations are to god and myself and that's it#and y'know what??? i am in love with a boy already#and yet they don't care that i wanna be in love at all. no im just a puppet to follow a certain narrative in life live according to evergone#else has and that's it.#im done.#and then she tried to apologise by getting me a slice of cake and that somehow made me feel worse.#i dont want an apology. i want to be heard and actually listened to for once. i want someone to ask what i want. to actually give a shit#and love me cos it's me. not cos im some thing to further an agenda. or some toy or puppet that does your bidding.#is it so much??? to just want to be loved in return? to marry and live according to how i want to?? ans not want anyone to make these#decision's for me?#ruined my whole day.
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so… do you always take care of kakashi when he’s feeling a bit.. not well? I want some examples of what you do for him since you’re such a mother hen
Sweet Sage! I’ve told you little cretins before: mother henning doesn’t just apply to Hatake. I do it to everyone. Hatake just tends to be the one who needs it the most at any given time.
#I try to though#usually he’s not super receptive to visitors so he ignores me#or has me come in and just sit next to him as I work on paperwork or tip my senbon#sometimes he just wants to he held by another human who *understands* on some level what he’s struggling with#(although usually the dogs ask me for him in that case since he would never admit that aloud)#but that’s not something specific to Kakashi#none of that is#I do the same for Anko and Hayate and Raidou and Ram and Rat and Ebisu and Gai and Iruka and Asuma#any of my friends who just need someone else there in that moment#or I’m making extra food and dropping it off#leaving antidotes in mission packs#watering their plants and restocking their fridges when they’re on a mission#making sure they’re not coming home to a dusty and dead apartment#genma shiranui#shiranui genma#kakashi hatake#hatake kakashi#mother hen genma shiranui#anbu shenanigans#tokubetsu jonins shenanigans#anbu genma shiranui
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my biological father is so racist especially towards asians and it makes me sick in the stomach. I got in a fight with him over how he talked about things i dont want to mention but It just triggered me so fucking much I genuinely wanted to slam his head against a wall
#tw violent thoughts#? i guess#yap#THE BEES#I need to kill him So fucking bad and then he wss like 'well do you have black friends and *slur* friends?'#I DONT FUCKING CARE WHAT RACE MY FRIENDS ARE OR WHAT RACE SOMEONE ELSE THE WAY YOU SPEAK ABOUT OTHERS IS DOWNRIGHT AWFUL#AND MY BIOLOGICAL MOTHER ISNT ANY BETTER I REMEMBER HER GETTING SCARED THAT ID DATE A BLACK DUDE WHEN I WAS LIKE 12 CUZ I TOLD HER I REWLLY#LIKE CHOCOLATE LIKE WHAT THEFUCK IS WRONG WITNYOU I HOPE ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS LEAVE YOU AND I KNOW DAMNWELL IM PUTTING YOU IN THE WORST#NURSERY HOME KNOWN TO MAN THE SECOND I GET THE CHANCE TO#tw racism#??. I dont know if how i shoudl tagall of this#i just hate everyone rn#these people are not my family. the genes we share hold no meaning to me.#ig this can be even sadder now because all of my close friends are asian and now I dont want to subject them to any form of discrimination#or awful behaviour from my biological parents. I dont want them anywhere close to these fuckers Istg i wish i had my bb gun so I could shoot#my biological father it would be so satisfying Im so done with all of the abuse and all of his awful awful behaviour Henever fucking learns
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About my fic !!
Chapter seven is turning out to be a bit longer than I had originally planned,
But it will definitely be finished before the end of the month!
(Also originally it was supposed to be only eight chapters altogether. It will be at least nine, might go ahead and make it an even ten.
Still we're getting close to the finish!)
#Can't give an exact date for when I will be posting it but soon#!!#Thank you again to all who read and leave kudos or nice comments#That does mean a lot to motivate me !!#Of course I enjoy writing and I do it mostly for my own pleasure but it feels really great to know someone else is interested in it too#Also sorry if my writing feels a bit rushed at times !!#I'm trying to do better at that#I have been really busy all summer with work and family stuff#Literally like 80% of my writing I get done on my way to work.#And then I let my sisters read it when I get home and they try and find any Grammer mistakes and whatnot so I can fix those#Which hopefully I didn't miss anything#Anyway it's been fun XD#hollow knight fanfic#Tales told by ink of void and quill of gold#Why is that title so long what#Ink of void Quill of gold#That's better I should shorten it#XD
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i don’t understand ppl who leave their packing, until the last minute. i am already packing and i don’t go anywhere for over a week, imao
#*walter white voice* jesse we need to pack#imao i’m watching brba and thinking about packing at 2am#i actually haven’t started packing but i’m gonna pack all my clothes and just leave everything else until the day before#bc a lot of stuff i still need in the meantime#i also need to put pins on my jacket but that’s a separate thing that i keep forgetting to do#bc i think a lot of my best pins would be better on my jacket#i actually need to work out which clothes i’m wearing#like which ones to pack and which ones i’m wearing on the drive#i’m planning on probably just wearing sweats and a regular ass shirt#and i’ll dress up when i’m actually there#and i gotta make sure i have my meds all sorted#and i need to make sure i don’t forget anything and that i keep everything safe#this post is kinda just me talking to myself imao#but honestly they usually are#okay but like someone tell me to not to pack at 2am bc i can literally do it tomorrow during the day but my brain is like ‘pack now!!’#bc i have it stuck in my head#imao i’m also only going for three days but travelling is a whole thing with me#leaving the house in general is a whole thing with me#what may seem like nothing to some people is a huge deal to me#like wow you’re going on vacation for three days? so what?#but this is only the second time i’ve done this#and the longest i’ll have been away from home aside from when i was in the hospital#so yeah it’s a big deal#the worst part is the travel tho#when i’m actually there i’ll have a fun time bc i did last time#well kinda i also got homesick and was in the middle of a depressive episode but i digress#but this time i’m not! so go me!#gwen actually leaves the house and feels good about it for once!#gwen rambles#gwenposting
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