#Literally like 80% of my writing I get done on my way to work.

[littlebittyhollowbugs]

About my fic !!

Chapter seven is turning out to be a bit longer than I had originally planned,

But it will definitely be finished before the end of the month!

(Also originally it was supposed to be only eight chapters altogether. It will be at least nine, might go ahead and make it an even ten.

Still we're getting close to the finish!)

[deus-ex-mona]

it’s ✨okay✨, right~?

[grahambaham]

Controversial opinion, especially for any Jason Todd fans out there (I'm one of them), but I completely understand why the fans in, the 80' I think, voted to kill him off. Hear me out, okay?

Jason was at first a literal Dick Grayson copy, was legit given his backstory and personality with the name being the only change. And for a while that was all they knew about and, rightfully so, hated about him. Now I'm not sure whether he was given the whole Alley kid who tried to steal Batman's tire story before or after his death but either way, in those fans' minds, Jason Todd was just a boring replica of Dick Grayson and no one liked him. If I was alive and a fan back then, I honestly would have done the same thing.

WHICH IS WHY I HAVE SUCH A HUGE PROBLEM WITH THE WRITERS DOING TO JASON THE EXACT SAME THING THAT GOT HIM KILLED OFF BEFORE!!!

Jason immediately after getting brought back to life was a villain. He wasn't misguided, he wasn't an antihero, my man was a Villain with a capital V. He didn't protect workings girls or children from any drugs or anything, he just made one off hand comment to a guy not to sell to kids and that's it. One of his only interactions with any prostitutes is to mock her for her past and decisions that led to her becoming one. Bruce did not abuse him or attack him unfairly. Jason had not only tried to kill Joker or other horrible villains, he killed anyone whether they were rapists, or robbers, or petty fucking thieves and he didn't do it for justice or whatever the fuck but because he was angry and taking it out on everyone he could get his hands on. He stopped Batman from going after Nightwing after Bludhaven blew up with him in it. He blew up a school. He beat up Tim in his little Robin panties and was a fucking villain.

I love Jason. But I love him as the messed up asshole he is. Not as some misguided wittle antihero. Which is why I despise the fact that the fandom latched onto the completely inaccurate version of him, because the writers of DC had started writing him the way the fandom wanted and he is now irreversibly ruined. Aside from the already mentioned stuff, they made him into a copy of Dick Grayson (for the second fucking time) and Helena Bertinelli.

Helena is the one protecting women and children, the antihero that often uses violent force. She's the one with the reluctant sibling relationship with Tim. Jason was not Tim's Robin by the way, Dick was. Tim does not like Jason one fucking bit and spends most of their forced interactions roasting him so bad he has to buy burn salves. Also her personality was taken and given to Jason in some ways too, like her manner of speech and stuff, but I'm willing to let that slide as accidental.

From Dick Grayson, they mostly took his relationships, romantic and platonic. Jason slept with Barbara and Kori both, which aside from just being dumb as hell is also weird and creepy because Jason is six years younger than them at least and they knew him as a fourteen year old when they were at least twenty, and they would never date someone so much younger than them, they aren't fucking creeps. Then they took Starfire and Arsenal and made them forget their own lives to join Jason's little antihero team (neither of them are antiheroes what the fuck) and act like the sun shines out of Jason's ass and he's their leader or some shit when they would never follow him before that, especially Roy who has led so many other teams and does not deserve that shit. Some fans also ship him and Jason, which is both creepy and character assassination for Roy's entire character more than him being friends with Jason and in the Outlaws already is.

Also, Pit Madness is not a thing you fucking brainless losers. Stop trying to justify and erase the flaws that make him an interesting character. His anger has always been due to the trauma of being tortured and dying and the misguided feeling of betrayal he felt for Bruce. He was unwell and taking his problems out on others. So, repeat after me: PIT MADNESS IS NOT A REAL THING!!!

Thank you for reading <3

[supermarketbae]

dom billy punishing you’re being a brat flirting with other guys at a party, he grabs you and shoves you into a closet. It’s really rough hot , and ur both so sweaty and he’s rails his huge thick cock in you. Degrading and praising you. After it’s done you both collapse, cus ur so tired. And he places huge sloppy kisses on your face telling you what a good girl you are, whilst your still shaking from your orgasm.

HEM HeM seeing as it's my **FAVORITE LITTLE REQUESTER**(if there was a way to make 'favorite' more emphasized believe me I WOULD) ig i just have to do a quick little somethin on it (by quick i mean never ending- soul consuming-sending all my brain cells that are in commission to work on it-perhaps multiple chapter-fic) again, I don't make the rules I just work here. (shoutout to @billysbot for literally being the sweetest human!! It's too fun talking to you while i write these funny little fics! (even if you are a tad distracting😏) HAVE THE BEST DAY BB !!) guys please read🙏i went on a half an hour journey to see if the word 'simp' was used back in the 80's

Naughty and Not so Nice

a series

warnings: secret!relationship, P in v smut, degradation, praise, jealous!Billy, Whiny!Billy, Loud!reader, Hopper!reader, choking kink, breeding (ig), semi public sex, idk this whole fic again lmao.

"Tie me up?" you smile as your boyfriend, Billy's hands ghost up your back ever so slightly teasing. "Hargrove, I swear to god don't make me regret liking you!" you laugh as he nimbly tightens the strings of the black corset you wear. "I could never, I'm too amazing." he chuckles coming to nuzzle you from behind breathing in the sweet aroma of your perfume, arms wrapping around your waist possessively. You tsk feigning annoyance, "so cocky baby" you smirk pressing a kiss to his now blushing cheeks. "Shut up." he groans hiding his face in your neck. "We'd better get going darlin'" Billy mumbles to you making no moves towards the door of his room. You groan audibly, "Do we have to?" you whine. You had agreed to go to Tina's Halloween party with Billy. He'd practically begged you to go with him, and who were you to say no.

You knew it was risky wearing semi matching costumes, both of you clad in all black, but what could you say, you longed to be Billy's girl. You wanted everyone to know. Everyone to see that your his. See, the only problem with everyone knowing was your father, Jim Hopper. Needless to say If anyone wanted to get back at you for anything, all they would have to do is tell him you were Hargrove's girl, and you were fucked. You knew the minute that happened you'd be grounded till 55. rolling your eyes at the thought, Billy sighs "I know darlin' but I'd promised some people I'd be there and I'd hate to disappoint." He smirks. "By 'people' do you mean half the high school girls?" you prod giggling "You know me well madam." Billy replies grin boyish. "Attention whore!" you laugh as his hands tickle into your sides and you fall back into him smiling still. "little minx." Billy grumbles kissing your cheek and pulling you to the door.

The party was somewhat fun.However, Billy had disappeared to god knows where. Either way, the food as always, was delicious. The drinks were abundant. It was loud, chaotic, and lively all at the same time. You lean towards Robin to hear her better. "I said," comes her raspy voice. "Do you know if Nancy and Steve are still a thing?" the slight blush on her face makes you smirk "Somebody's intrestedddd in Nancyyyyy" you tease watching her yelp with indignation "Bold of you to assume but ok!" she bites back eyes glittering with amusement "Ohhh you have it bad!" you sing watching Robins face glow deeper red "Shut it! I'll find her myself" she grumbles rolling her eyes at you lovingly. "Good luck!" you shout to her giving her an exaggerated wink and kissy face. You snort as she flips you off, stalking away to find Nancy.

Grimacing at the bitter taste of alcohol in your spiked lemonade you sit back on the couch content, that is, until Jason Carver comes sauntering over. You groan as he smiles down at you scooting the closest he possibly can to you. "What's a pretty girl like you doing by yourself?" he slurs gently to you. You cough aggressively , he positively reeks of alcohol. "Hoping to be near people like you." You state back prettily. The stupid smile on his face only spreads as he lays an arm around you. "We should go out sometime baby, I'd promise I'd make it worth your while." He winks at you cheekily and you giggle swatting him on the arm "You don't mean that!" you say lightly smacking a hand to your mouth to cover your simpering. "I do-" he is leaning closer to your face when he suddenly is yanked away "Get the fuck away from her Carver." Comes the animalistic growl you've come to recognize as your boyfriend.

"Whats'it to you, freak." Apparently, Jason had a death wish today,choosing his words most unwisely. A few people, yourself included gasp as you watch Billy throw Jason off the couch with ease, combat boot coming in contact with the burnette's chest, holding him down. "If you even look at her again. I'll fucking kill you." Billy snarls, voice poisonous. He turns to you possessive gleam evident in his eyes, "get over here." the command sends a shiver down your spine as you get up following him through the crowded room to the upstairs. "The fuck were you playin' at" Billy bites the minute he shuts the door, locking you both into to a tiny bathroom. "You left me. I was bored. He flirted," you say calmly feigning innocence "I don't see the problem, Baby." you say voice seductively low as you inch your hands up his strong frame.

"I guess I have to remind you who you belong to then" he rasps mouth harshly coming to bite at your neck. blatantly marking you. "B-billy-ah-my friends-" You moan as licks a stripe of your neck ferally groaning as he humps into you. "Shut the fuck up-god sweetheart I'm already so hard for you- shoulda-ah-should've fuckin thought of that when you were whoring out for Jason huh?" You mewl at his words eyes rolling back into your head as he clamps a hand over your mouth "c'mon darlin' shut that pretty mouth of yours, d-don't-goddd-don't w-want your friends to hear you moaning my name like a slut huh?" You whimper out muffled as he bends you over the small sink counter, other hand coming to knead into your ass before giving it a rough slap. "Billy~ ohmygod-please babyyy!" you whine as his hands come to play with your hardened nipples. He tsks eyes trailing over your wiggling figure,

"begging me to rail you already love?" Billy mocks as he slowly removes your panties moving your short skirt higher. "So wet already darlin'" Billy keens fingers coming to rub at your swollen clit, you whimper, jolting from the sudden spike in pleasure as he unbuckles his belt, the small clinks of metal sending a shiver down your spine. "Gonna take all of me huh? Pretty fuckin slut. g-good-oh godd-"

You cry out in unison as he thrusts into you, yours loud and perfectly pornographic. "Such a-so tight sweetheart-pretty slutty thing for me yeah?" Billy grunts as you clench around him hand snaking to your hair to pull you back. "Or is it for Jason hmm? you think-ah-fuckin take it darlin' justttt like that- you think he could fuck you like this?" you whimper shaking your head vigorously spasming as he grips your hips slamming them back onto his. "Words, darlin'" Billy huskily mumbles to you. "Nonono j-just you-ah godd Billy so good-just you baby-feels so-ohhh" You cry out, his hand is doing little to muffle your wanton moans now. "Such a slut yeah?-fuck you're milkin' my cock so good baby-good girl such a-ah fuck-good girl." you sob at his words pretty tears streaming down your cheeks "Billy-'m soso sorry baby pleasee I can't s'too good." you slur, you feel like your coming apart at the seams as he rams his thick cock into you. "Awh is my dumb little whore crying for me-such a pretty little thing." He groans as your sobs spike in volume "You can take it darlin', I-oh god baby squeezing me so fucking tight-I know you can take it-so gooodd for me!" Billy purrs to you whimpering.

"Suck 'em, Angel," Billy's fingers hold your mouth open as you moan gratefully, tongue swirling around his digits. "Gotta keep your slutty mouth quiet somehow darlin.'" he chides to your already reeling figure. "f-fuck me Billy P-pleaseee" Your mewl comes out breathy and intelligible as you choke on his fingers. "Ohmygoshd-Billy-mph-Pleaseee-wanna cum!" Billy chuckles as you drool around his finger thumb pad coming to wipe against the bottom of your lip. "droolin'-ah- for me baby?-so-goddd too tight so fuckin tight-such a precious thing." You cling to him as he pushes you closer to the edge. Billy groans tilting his head back, and you wail when his hand comes to play with your already overstimulated clit. "B-Billy~ S-so ohmygmf-I needa cum pleasee-" Billy chuckles darkly "All mine baby-ah-good girl- all fucking mine- so good!" you whine when his thrust grow sporadic, turning your head back, you lock eyes with him, your cock drunk ones coming in contact with his blown pupils, blue completely hidden. "please." you whimper to him. Billy's eyes roll. "God yes, darlin cum for me- all-oh shit darlin' cumming too-oh Goddd." Billy rambles to you pulling you closer as you bawl out his name a final time spasming a final time around his cock, feeling his cum fill you up.

"sosoSO good for me baby, did so good, all mine, all fucking mine darlin'" Billy moans into the shell of your ear softly as you come down from your high. A warm blush fills your cheeks at his praises. You collapse, falling into him. Billy holds you up pressing kisses to your flushed cheeks as you shake, positively scorching from your orgasm. Billy is clinging to you mouthing at any skin he can reach. "love you so much- so fucking much." he slurs out kissing your cheeks again and again. "mmmm love you too baby" you sigh out completely blissed out. Cuddling closer into him. Unaware of Robin searching for you outside...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

JUAHIHSIWUHWWUIDH AGAIN THIS GOT OUTTA HAND!! MbMB (this is the start of a tiny mini series idk bro) THANK U BB FOR READING!!

[yuri-for-businesswomen]

a big german newspaper (die zeit) recently published a more critical article on the so called „verrichtungsboxen“ (literally: boxes of execution; boxes on the street where prostituted women and sex buyers can go to consummate the sexual acts; anyone who knows german will know this is a gross terminology, fitting for a gross concept).

while the fact these boxes exist is in itself a tragedy, the letters to the editor are giving me hope that there are sane people left in this country - even though from their names and writing style i would guess they are of the older generation, pension age.

heinz wohner: „if you dont get a visceral reaction of disgust and shame looking at these obfuscating boxes called ‚eco toilets‘ and the image of what is going on in them, you have to be extremely cold. calling what is being done to these women for little money ‚work like any other‘ is sugarcoating the issue.“

wolfgang wendling: „maybe there are women who voluntarily prostitute themselves, but the majority is doing it out of necessity and under pressure. calling the oldest trade in history a profession like any other is pure mockery. its not an honor to call our country europe‘s biggest brothel. but it‘s true. we should be ashamed that women are being exploited, humiliated and abused before our eyes. the more severe the poverty is in the country of origin, the cheaper you can have them. we should finally stop this, which is the only appropriate action for a civilised country.“

brigitte kosfeld: „the photo of these boxes alone speaks volumes on the inhumane practices hidden behind the liberalisation of prostitution. when the law was introduced, there were convinced social democratic women who were holding speeches on ‚prostitution as a profession‘. the intentions behind the law might have been honorable, but the reality has always been deeply anti-woman.“

professor claudia reuter, phd: „the liberalisation of prostitution in germany has failed in all regards. according to a french study, the average life expectancy of a prostitute is 33 years. babbling about self-determination in this case is inhumane. the state is not supporting prostitutes’ workers rights and their health, but their economic and sexual exploitation. its about time for the swedish model: protection for women and consistent punishment for sex buyers and pimps.“

joachim kasten: „social democrat august bebel already wrote in 1879 (…) that ‚honorable family men‘ were contributing to uphold the system prostitution with their money. according to him, they were generously let off their responsibility to disappear in anonymity. apparently today we are still where we were at the end of the 19th century.“

sabine moehler: „the description [in the article] of typical injuries prostitutes have reminded me very much of those women in physically abusive relationships show as well. a man who abuses, humiliates and demeans a prostitute in any way will do the same to his partner, wife or lover as soon as he doesnt like her behavior. (…) even reading about this is upsetting me a lot.“

and of course the one sex buyer who just had to write to the editors, peter müller: „its one sided to use the misery in berlin street prostitution with sex on public toilets as a reason to debate the liberalisation of prostitution. there are many brothels were the ladies are treated with respect. of course working as a prostitute harbors certain risks - but there are women who freely choose this job, and in my experience, some of them are doing it with passion and love. the regular prices are not the dumping prices you mentioned (5-10 euros) [note: which is indeed normal in street prostitution] but actually 80-100 euros for half an hour - not to mention those dont include extras and humiliating sex practices. i met women who earn better in prostitution than some employees in germany.“

loose translation and highlights by me.

[littlefankingdom]

Everytime something happens in France in a comic, I realize how little researches comics writers do. And like, if they are this bad with my western country, how bad it is with third-world countries they talk about???

In Nightwing (2016), Raptor is from a circus that was near Paris during Mary Grayson's childhood, so more than 40 years ago at least.

In this flashback, they accuse the mayor of Paris of having given leprosy to the romani and of keeping away the meds they need. Already, with our healthcare's system, it's hardly possible, as they would be able to go to a hospital to get the help they need. Do they think "public healthcare" means the state has a direct control on medication, because that's not the case at all. The French gov control the money put into medication, how much is bought, but a mayor has no power over this. I just don't understand how something like this could happen. You can totally write a racist medical scandal in France, but makes it make sense with our system.

But also, Paris didn't have a mayor until 1977, so if it's before 1977, impossible. And, Paris' mayor from 1977 to 1995 is JACQUES CHIRAC, who was the PRESIDENT after. They wrote a story implying that a French President kept medications away from sick people, was discovered and was still elected President. And, yes, the French government is far from good and they have deeply harmed the romani, but like, maybe don't write shit like that. (Also, Chirac was really against the war of Iraq, and stood up against the US, which France is still paying the price for to this day. So I don't really like an USAmerican to criticize Chirac. Like, we can do it, others can do it, but not USAmericans, y'all have done enough) I'm pretty sure that wasn't the goal of the writers. No, what happen is that they didn't do researches about Paris' mayor and so, wrote that shit.

This may be inspired by the contaminated blood's scandal in the 80s-90s, which was worst in France, but no mayor was found guilty, it was doctors who knowingly contaminated patients with a deadly illness. And the French government was held accountable, even if they had no hand in it, as a matter of principle.

I understand it's a fiction, and they didn't literally wrote "Chirac did this", but it's kind of clumsy. (Especially because of everything I wrote earlier about Chirac's politics and how the US is still punishing France for being against killing civilians and destroying Iraq. France was doing the right thing, and the US worked so France would go back in line and treat Arabs like shit. Do not think western countries are free from the US' imperialism)

And in no way I'm saying that you cannot write France being awful, I know my gov's crimes (rn, they have deported homeless out of Paris for the Olympics, the President is refusing to acknowledge the left won the elections and to take a leftist prime minister so we have no prime minister since mid July and fuck democracy I guess, they support Israel's crimes against humanity, and are behaving like the colonizers that they are in New-Caledonia, sending the armies against the Kanaks that have not enough power on their own land), I'm just saying it should at least be believable enough to work. (Easiest way: make the cops racist. Boom. Also, French cops talk like vilains, it's insane.) And also, not about someone touchy like clumsily painting badly a president that was punished by the US for doing the right thing.

[eoieopda]

[visual content blog recommendations]

we see fic recs all the time, but i don’t think i’ve ever seen rec lists for visual content (gif/art/gfx/etc.) creators! they’ve been dealing with a bunch of shit lately between reposts, tumblr garbage, etc., so i wanna shout-out some favorites. thank you for keeping us fed!!

disclaimer: this is not an exhaustive list!! if you have recommendations of your own, please feel free to expand on this yourself and/or drop some of your faves in the replies for others to see. self-promo is always welcome here, too ✨ p.s. some of these are recent finds for me, so pls expect to see more of them on my blog. eta: i will be adding more as i go!!

[bts]

@yooboobies — réka’s gif sets are *chef’s kiss* and the ART? omg. the talent!!! 😭 we simply have to simp.

@cordiallyfuturedwight — apart from being one of the coolest/funniest people i’ve found on army tumblr, i am a kayla stan because the niche themes for her gif sets (ex. bangtan turtlenecks series) feel like they’re made 👏🏻 for 👏🏻 me 👏🏻 even though they absolutely aren’t, lmao.

@hopeinthebox — the bts as reductress headline + incorrect bangtan series are probably my favorite pieces of content on the entire internet??? also, lizzy is absolutely gd hilarious. tags are 11/10. a blessing upon my dash.

@kimtaegis — i’m not visually artistic enough to say this in a way that makes sense, but annie’s gifs are just… stunning? like, the colors? idk about the process that goes into that, but i imagine it takes a lot of time/finesse to be this vivid.

@kithtaehyung — ryen is the renaissance man of army tumblr, fr. not only can she write (like!!!) but she’s multi-faceted and insanely creative with her graphic design. i want her to tutor me, lmao.

@raplinenthusiasts — ooohhhhh my god. the coloring of their gifs makes my brain go brrrrtttt. this bts x the office set is on my “always reblog” list; i’ll share it every time i come across it.

@heybaetae — this set in particular is on my “always reblog” list, no matter how many times i’ve done so already. also, idk how to describe this, but kelli’s gifs are just…. crispy 🤌🏻 like, so satisfying with the…. texture? filtering? contrast? i’m an idiot re: editing terms, but go peep them and you’ll know what i’m trying to say.

@kth1 — literally who could ever forget maggie’s 100 days of (member) series??? the amount of work that had to go into that? unfathomable.

@jeurias — i want to wallpaper my house and office with their gfx. i’m deadass.

@jinstronaut — emmeline has been doing her “a jin a day while he’s away” series for OVER 250 DAYS NOW. i have never been nor will i ever be able to commit to anything to this level.

[multi/skz/atz/svt/etc.]

@starryoong — do not get me started on starry’s paintings, sketches, etc. because i will never shut up. ever. j’adore 🫠 is also a five-star human being.

@irlvernon — my queue is probably 80% max gifs at any given time. god-tier, fr. a must-follow for carats, as far as i’m concerned.

@vcrnons — incredible gifs, lovely human, and also the writer of some of my favorite svt fics??? we stan.

@yelhsaart — i don’t have any words for how much i love their art so please imagine guttural screaming instead. asdfghjkl!!!

@hizuillu — ……breathtaking. legitimately stunning skz art. like…… i have heart palpitations.

@snug-gyu — THE USE OF COLORS. i’m always a simp for pantone-inspired sets; they just scratch an itch in the back of my brain, and BOY HOWDY, is my brain satisfied 😵‍💫

@yunwooz — again, i have no idea what i’m talking about when it comes to the gif-making process, but the colors!!! the COLORS!!! like, taking a mv that’s not super vivid/is fairly greyscale and bringing it to life? ya know????

@booskwan — you want incredible gifs? they’ve got em. you want stunning gfx? they’ve got em. seriously, idk what to tell you except “pause right here and go follow immediately”.

@haechannabelle — listen……. annabelle’s art style is 😗🤌🏻 (that’s a chef’s kiss). the use of color, and the technique, and and and — ! ALSO, i must mention that she took, like, 50 hours to compile a boycott-friendly k-pop playlist. their vibes are simply impeccable.

rev. 4/10/24

[fozmeadows]

hey. i think i'm going through a phase of self-hatred and… I don't know, of believing I'm not capable of anything. would you have any tips or books that approach this from an AFAB/trans perspective so I can cope? (it's not that I hate myself for being trans. I just have insecurities, anxieties and I don't know what to do to stop most things from seeming so discouraging, for lack of a better word.)

I'm sorry you're having a hard time! I don't have any book recommendations, and I'm not exactly an expert, but:

Where possible, try to focus on what you enjoy about the process of an action instead of worrying about the end result. A lot of anxiety comes from privileging a hypothetical future version of yourself ahead of the person you are in the moment, and while it's still good to have goals and aspirations for the future, that doesn't render your present self irrelevant, because that's who you have to be to achieve them.

To give a personal example: late last year, I was really disappointed with how little reading I'd managed to get done in 2023 particularly, but also over the pandemic. I'd bought all these awesome books that I really wanted to read, but I never seemed to get around to starting most of them, and meanwhile, I was spending hours of my life mindlessly doomscrolling Twitter and TikTok, which regardless of anything else is a really good way to depress yourself about the state of the world. So I sat down and thought about it, and I realized that the problem was how much pressure I was putting on myself about reading. I wanted so badly to finish books that I was psyching myself out of starting them in the first place, because each choice had to be Perfect, lest I pick the wrong book at the wrong time and waste twenty minutes or an hour or three reading something I might later set aside. And because I'd subconsciously set the stakes for starting a book so much higher than they needed to be, I'd end up dithering and scrolling social media to delay having to make a high-pressure choice at all.

In other words: I'd become so concerned about Future Foz's hypothetical dislike of a book I was yet to start reading that Present Foz would be scared to start it in the first place. I was forever privileging a version of myself that didn't exist and likely never would over the person I was now, and it was making me wildly unhappy, because it felt like I was failing at something I loved.

So my single New Years' Resolution became: to value myself and my time in the moment. If I catch myself scrolling for too long, I ask myself: is there literally anything else I'd rather be doing right now? Could I start a TV show, or a book, or a game, or write something, or message a friend, or have a bath? It doesn't matter if the activity goes anywhere long term; what matters is that I inevitably get more pleasure out of doing something than not. My time now matters, because I matter.

And suddenly, just from that one change? For the first time in I couldn't even say how long, I've read something every single day this year. In the whole of 2023, I read just 67 books; it's now the 30th of March 2024, and I've already finished 33. By giving myself permission to start things without the pressure to finish them, I'm suddenly finishing way more than when I was telling myself I had to finish everything, and I am vastly happier for it.

Is the world still a burning hellscape that daily makes me want to yeet a solid 80% of elected politicians globally into the sun? Yes. Am I still working on self-improvement in other areas of my life? Yes. Is it magically any easier being trans and queer in the current moment? No. But it helps to focus on who I am now, in this hour, in this minute, instead of worrying so much about whether some future version of me will think I spent this time badly that I don't use it for anything at all.

I don't know if this is helpful to your situation, and if it's not, I apologize for rambling. But it's a little change I've made lately that's helped me a lot, and I hope it might help you, too.

[londonfog-chan]

Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader: Rite Here, Rite Now Part 1

This two shot fic is dedicated to that poor soul on TikTok getting shitty comments about a headcanon of Eddie liking Ghost. Fandom has become so damn toxic bro. Who cares about what an imaginary character likes or dislikes?? We are cringe, we are legion. We make out of pocket headcanons sometimes. Like come on, Eddie might “theoretically” dislike Mary On A Cross specifically for various reasons, but I could see him having some favorites. You can’t say he would entirely hate Ghost when fucking Year Zero and Mummy Dust exist. Or the whole of Prequelle as an album. I had to laugh at one person saying he liked Avenged Sevenfold (it didn’t exist in the 80’s and neither did Ghost like we are literally arguing about shit he wouldn’t have known about be so serious rn). But I digress. I’ve even gotten a couple hateful comments on a fun little TikTok I made and I honestly have just been deleting them and blocking. Don’t even want to deal with people’s bullshit anymore. Please enjoy this spite fic and continue writing and having fun babes. Go against the flow and make Eddie proud.

Part 1 (You are Here), Part 2

***

Every member of Corroded Coffin could tell when you arrived to a function. Eddie knew the sound of your car like a cat that knows when its owner is home, and he’d be waiting outside the school to greet you first. That and the car make and model. Someone always called it if not Eddie. He’d been off his game today though, definitely the excited nerves. Jeff called out your 1979 Volkswagen Beetle heading up the driveway by slugging Eddie hard on the bicep, Gareth and Dougie immediately following up with calling “no tag backs” as they rushed to hit each other and Eddie like a bunch of middle schoolers. Eddie almost got nailed by Dougie’s beefy fist until he nimbly dodged out of the way, cradling his prized Warlock like it was a newborn.

“God dammit, easy asshole!” Eddie laughed. “Don’t be hitting my baby! I need her intact if I’m going to impress our songstress.”

“Trust me Ed, she doesn’t need more impressing. You had her in a tizzy when you asked her to write a song for you. I wonder what she came up with.” Gareth said, leaning forward so his hands were settled on both his high and medium toms, he was watching your approach intently with a gleam in his eye. “She didn’t even make it to campaign on Friday. Must have really been in the zone.”

You parked the car against the side of the driveway, emerging looking as though you’d just swallowed a whole mouthful of cry baby sour gum. Your lips were pressed tightly together, clutching your fat Trapper Keeper to your chest as you approached the group.

“Hey sweetheart!” Eddie called, waving you over enthusiastically. “You okay?”

“Eddie… God it’s so bad… It’s worse than I thought.” You said, grimacing.

God you looked delicious. He couldn’t help himself but to stare and smile like a dope. With each step your flowing gray skirt swished enticingly side to side, and with a bit of pride Eddie noticed you were wearing the Twisted Sister shirt he’d distressed for you, looking like an adorable snack of a metalhead with your black clothes, black opaque tights and dirty Chucks.

Eddie’s smile faltered only slightly when he heard your self depreciation.

“Oh come on, can’t be that bad. Not with those grades you’ve got in English. Let me see…”

“Fuck no! No seriously… it’s worse than you think.” You insisted, shaking your head and pulling away from his outstretched hand, “It’s so… God dammit! What the hell was I thinking…?”

Gareth, Jeff and Dougie left their instruments to approach you, Eddie putting both hands on your shoulders to comfort you.

“Hey, hey… come on, don’t be like that.” He said, smile gone and a more serious look on his face. “I get it, I really do. It comes with the territory of writing your own songs. Trust me, I’ve done it for years. You won’t pick it up overnight, and whatever you think is weak we can work on it together. I’m a DM honey, I can have my pen out faster than you can blink and help redraft as many times as it takes.”

“Oh… god dammit… okay, fine…”

You reluctantly handed Eddie the trapper keeper, the velcro making a harsh rip as he pulled it open to the first page where your lyrics neatly sat waiting for him to peruse. Eddie’s eyebrow raised when he saw the title, “Square Hammer”, outlined in red ink.

“ ‘Square Hammer’? … Huh… I like it, that’s good.” Eddie nodded, and continued to read on.

The lyrics were certainly unique to say the least. It was obvious you’d tried to go with a theme based on the prompt he’d given you: something that oozes the brooding dark metal he envisioned Corroded Coffin would croon to thousands of fans. You certainly had an affinity for the macabre, and he knew he could trust you with everything he wanted in his vision. Then again you could have written the cheesiest, poppy trash in the world and he would have loved it. He was extremely biased, far too sweet on you for his own good. But these weren’t bad at all. The lyrics reminded him of old Hollywood vampire movies, echoing the work of Doctor Faustus with the thematic element in the song. The voice of the lyrics seemed to be coming from an otherworldly entity, one summoned to offer power and prestige to the listener.

And Eddie was obsessed with every word the further he read on.

“Woah, woah…”

His eyes widened with every sentence he read.

“Holy shit…”

Powers clandestine, solving a crooked rhyme… Every line, no matter how simple, packed a lot when combined in the collective.

Eddie finally looked up at you, completely bewildered.

“You wrote this by yourself?!” He croaked.

You were embarrassed to hell, curling in on yourself and looking like you wanted to die.

“Ye… yeah… I… When you asked me to write for you, I got really stuck on what I wanted to do. But I remember you mentioned Black Sabbath was one of your first covers, and then I couldn’t get the image of the coffin out of my head because, you know, “Corroded Coffin”… and then we were reading Faustus in Mrs. O’Donnell’s class and I thought since you asked me to do you this favor and Faustus is all about favors…-“

You were rambling. Not even paying attention to Eddie’s continually growing grin. He was bouncing on the balls of his feet the longer you ranted on, until his untamable outburst silenced you.

“THIS IS AMAZING!” Eddie was screaming, scaring the shit out of everyone. “Holy fuck sweetheart! Are you bullshitting me?! This is… fuck! We’ve been stressing for new material for next month’s gig at The Hideout and you just gave it to us on a silver platter?! Jesus H.!”

“Bwha-?!”

“Check this out…!” Eddie turned away to show his friends while you quietly protested, unable to speak as he passed the paper around. The guys crowded around, each one shouting out when they saw a favorite part, “hammering the nails into the sacred coffin” quickly became a favorite, because they immediately began trying to work out how they could fit the lyrics to sound.

“All we gotta do is work out a melody and we’re in business baby!” Eddie said. “This is bitchin’!”

“But it doesn’t even make any sense!” You argued. “Like seriously? The entrance to the shrine part does not fucking fit, I only wrote it because I couldn’t come up with a better rhyme with clandestine!”

“Who cares?” Eddie cried. “It’s badass as hell! The imagery is absolutely savage… ‘Hiding from the night, sacrificing nothing’, and don’t let me forget about the little tongue in cheek line you added about hammering nails into a sacred coffin!”

“It’s fucking great!” Echoed Jeff.

“You should be proud. You managed to take our style and give it a unique spin, that’s not something anyone can do.” Eddie praised. “God dammit… I’d have been a millionaire by now if I could write like this.”

“You… you really liked those parts?” You asked cautiously.

“Of course I did sweetheart! This is real metal shit right here. And the part with the ‘crooked rhyme’? That really captured the creep factor I was looking for. Shit… what’s more metal than summoning a demon for a deal? That’s exactly what Corroded Coffin needs in its material. I love this little brain of yours!”

“Don’t forget Ed!” Dougie cut in. “ ‘Are you ready to swear right here right now before the devil’?!”

“Bitchin’! Keep this up, and I’m gonna wanna make you write all of Corroded Coffin’s songs from now on!” Eddie beamed happily.

“We gotta get the melody worked out!” Jeff said, “Any ideas? I could come up with a few…”

The boys began gabbing together, Eddie unable to help himself as he began to strum his precious 1984 BC Warlock, his black beauty. Without a doubt he could already envision how he could make his baby purr for you, impress you, take you out finally.

And then you changed his world forever.

“… I had an idea for a melody already…” you said quietly.

All eyes turned to you. The guys were thunderstruck.

“Seriously?! Lyrics and a melody?! You’re spoiling the shit out of me sweetheart! Jeff, let her borrow your…-“

“No… no I… I don’t know how to play guitar…” you said, cutting off Eddie sheepishly, “But I… I brought my Casio with me…”

“Where is it?!”

“In the trunk of my bug…”

“Well go get it! Show me whatcha got sweetheart!”

Eddie followed you to the front of the Volkswagen. Everyone always thought the front trunk was the coolest shit ever and he was no exception. The cool car only added to the many things he liked about you. You took out the obnoxiously large keyboard and the stand, fumbling to close the trunk until Eddie stepped in with an “easy… I got it”, slamming the trunk shut and helping you lift the Casio like a gentleman. You were shaking, vibrating with embarrassment so hard that Eddie had to help you plug everything in and adjust the sound, hovering and reaching over you on purpose hoping you’d notice and feel his burn for you.

“Alright sweetheart? Show us what you’ve got.”

You turned on the Casio and fingered the keys gently, warming up with a few chords as you tried to soothe the shaking in your fingers. Fiddling with the settings, you stalled as long as you could while the boys waited patiently. Once you found the setting you wanted, you went for it.

It was like a demon had possessed your body. The melody was quick, but it packed a hell of a punch. It was in the key of D minor, and you had ironically chosen what sounded like a combination of 1960’s psychedelic sticky rhodes and Transylvanian organ to achieve the effect you wanted. The sound overall was eerie, yet enchantingly fun all at the same time. And your singing! You were singing softly under your breath, rocking yourself to the melody on the tips of your worn out sneakers, and you had quite the set of pipes! Despite your shot nerves, you’d clearly come up with something truly special that no one else in the entire world could have conceived of.

It wasn’t the traditional metal Eddie had in mind, more avant-garde, theatrical even. Whereas he had expected a sound more like Black Sabbath, you played something not out of place at a theater performance of Dracula. But this sound… there was something that nagged him about it. It was a sound that Eddie could imagine playing to arenas of screaming, adoring fans.

“Gentlemen… that’s our fucking song!” Eddie cried, “That’s our song, it’s a goddamned masterpiece!”

The Casio halted, and your mouth was hanging open mid play.

“What?! How-…” you began.

“I can already hear the riff, Ed what do you think of following with standard tuning instead of going to D minor?” Jeff picked up his Gibson and began to play, mimicking what he heard on your Casio by ear. “If you move it, the sound is way off from what I’m envisioning. But if you keep it at standard you leave it easier on the fingers with the couple of open notes when you start stretching.”

“Yeah, yeah! If you tune it down it’s going to sound off with her playing when you hit the chords.” Eddie agreed, immediately looking back at you. “Play it one more time sweetheart?”

You cautiously complied, going through the melody one more time as Jeff began to follow with you. Eddie was completely absorbed in your music, listening to both you and Jeff play and following along quietly. The warlock in his hands eventually couldn’t be helped, humming to life when he started playing a chord at a time by ear. As he played, he kept you repeating the melody over and over, both Eddie and Jeff deep in concentration on the sound. It was getting almost exhausting trying to continually repeat the sound until they got it right.

“D minor.” Eddie said, playing a note.

“Then she does B flat there.” Jeff played.

“A minor.” They said in unison.

“C. And that’s what I’m thinking your rhythm guitar can do, meanwhile, I’ll keep the root of the chords for the riff so I can follow her keys.” Eddie said, and he began to perfectly copy your melody. “Okay sweetheart, just one more time… and then let’s bring everything together.”

[kaelidascope]

Dude, I love this fanfic so much! I just wanted to ask where you got the idea from. Did you have any inspiration from anyone? Also, what's your favorite fanfic? And want do you recommend ?

AWE bless!! Thank you so much I'm glad you're enjoying it <33

So actually a good 80% of this is written from personal experience LOL I used to dance and was into drift building/racing in my late teens/early twenties! Most of the references or scenes in Midnight Menagerie are references to things I've seen or done in real life, OR stories friends have told me within the same field. (Nora is literally just a rebranding of this one mutual friend we had who just. Absolutely fucking unhinged) Like for example, the anticipated Hangover Chapter is just a retelling of an insane Summer weekend I had in 2017 ☠️ it's a personal delight being able to translate things into the narrative, even more so knowing people find my stupid, terrible decisions as amusing as I do in current times lol

My general rule of thumb is to write from experience. Things I understand either on a technical point or emotional connection. So, if you've read it in my work, it's probably something I've done LOL

Another reason I find drive in writing this type of narrative is that MM!Blake's type of dissociative PTSD is something I haven't seen much in media in general. I've seen people depict her in various ways (some of them good!), but none of them ever really apply directly to me, so I wanted to make something that I could relate to and how to properly navigate life, given the environmental circumstances. Plus some us need better examples on how to juggle mental illness as adults and also be in healthy long term relationships because damn I have zero reference LOL

For the fic recs, oh boy I have so many LOL time to be a pathetic fangirl on main but okay here's the ones that immediately jump to mind (also heads up most of these are mature or explicit rating);

Certified Kaeli Fresh Fics

Let You See My Wilder Side (If I Can See Your Bones)

We all know this one but it is, hands down, my favorite piece of literature of all time. Masterfully crafted and a timeless classic worth several rereads (and I have. Embarrassingly so)

Written by @/lucytara on tumblr || @/explosive_sky on twitter

honestly all her works are immaculate and beyond compare. Also a major fan of I Have A Bullet With Your Mouth On It (That was first RWBY fanfic I ever read LMAO a friend recommended it to me before I even watched the show) I aspire to write like her some day. It's what got me writing fanfiction in the first place. So, credit goes to Erin for inspiring me to post my manuscripts at all. Words cannot express my gratitude and appreciation. I have two book series in the process of being published now and I wouldn't have had the nerve to do it had it not been for this specific fic.

2. One Day At A Time

Also one of the earlier fics I read before getting into the show LOL I love all of @/Frenchsoda 's work, the full list is also worth checking out. I'm a fan of disgruntled Blake who doesn't understand her attraction to Yang but it's so god damn sweet ugh

3. Fucking In Love

Written by @/Set_WingedWarrior and @/Softlight

This one circulates a lot in my social circles. Everyone I know LOVES this one and after reading it earlier this year, now I see why. As someone who worked in the sex industry for a brief period of time, this one's not only accurate but also A DELIGHT to read. The premise is fun, captivating, and worth the wait. I actually discovered a chapter update earlier this year and sent the gc into hysterics because we thought the fic was dead LMAO props to these authors!! They're doing an amazing job and deserve praise

4. You're A Mountain, Full Of Glory

written by champion author @/lescousinsdangereux

I should just preface already that every book Blake reads in MM is a fanfiction that exists because I love Easter eggs. Everyone knows I had Blake reference this in chapter 3 LOL but it's equally as immaculate as Erin's work. I LOVED especially the dynamic between Weiss, Yang, and Ruby in this one. Baby, we're complicated fucking murdered me 😭 also that fuckass Christmas scene, that's my favorite Christmas song LMAO

5. The Home Inside Your Head

Written by the ever skilled @/writeriguess . I found this fic by accident by seeing fanart for it floating around on this site. Got curious, picked at it, and. Oh, my god. It's not very often my brain gets scratched in the right way, but boy this one does it. This author does something specifically unique I haven't seen many do before, and I applaud them for it. There's great detail on the scenes that matter, and the fucking organic build up between Blake and Yang is just. God. Chef's kiss. Truly. It feels so god damn natural and healthy and it's already crossing off several of my agendas already. Give this one a read and give the author some love. SENSUAL FACE TOUCHING? CHAPTER 13????? BOOOOOOOYYYYYYY I'm normal about it

6. You'd Be Paranoid Too (If Everyone Was Out To Get You)

Written by @/WabaJaba_ on twitter

Okay so this one's completely different than what I've previously listed but HOLY FUCKING SHIT IS IT A THRILLER. It doesn't nearly have the amount of love and attention it truly deserves. A friend of mine recommended it to me because it shook them so fucking hard they were in total brainrot hell for a MONTH. NOW I UNDERSTAND WHY LMAO God I was obsessed with this for weeks myself. It obviously lives up to it's rating, horror fics aren't for everyone. But if you're able to read it, good lord you should. It's chilling, captivating, and had me on the edge of my fucking seat the entire time. Both endings are good, I still can't decide which one I prefer but RAH I will make sure this is seen god dammit

and last but certainly not least

7. You And Me and This Temptation

written by talented author @/ProfessorSpork

Okay this one was an accidental find as well. A friend sent it to me because THEY found it by accident, I clicked on it for later, went looking for a completely different fic that I mistook for this one, started skimming and realized 'wait a minute LMAO I don't recognize this'. But the thing you have to understand is I hate reading. I'm not a reader, I'm picky and it needs to be worth sitting down for long periods of time. This is one of the rare instances where I was so captivated by it I kept reading more and more from the middle where I landed, and eventually just said ykw let me just start from the beginning cus LMAO context.

This one is, by far, one the healthiest and loveliest depictions of first times I have ever seen. This shit was so inspiring to me that it literally kickstarted an essay in someone's DMs why depictions like this are so important. I didn't have this experience irl, and why MM is written the way it is is because its meant to serve as a lighthouse for those who, like me, haven't. This fic however I feel like should be a required read for anyone getting into relationships for the first time because if it's not like how these two interact, LEAVE IT. This is the standard. This is amazingly written, it's the closest I've ever seen canon Yang and Blake be written to date. The fucking souvenir bit 😭 NJKFGNFJKGNGJ killed me, I was kicking my feet laughing for a good minute. This is the kind of standard everyone should look at and go 'yeah, I want what they have' BECAUSE IT'S CORRECT. LOUD CORRECT BUZZER NOISES

Honestly everything in my bookmarks is certified Kaeli Fresh but these 7 are my top faves. They're probably also really commonly known I'm sure but LMAO like I said I don't read much 😭 which is heavily ironic considering I write myself. Anyway this ended up way longer than I intended but LOL <3 <3 go give these incredible authors love!!

[sirwow]

I have written an essay about why i don't like act 4 (and how i would fix it) and you can read it right here under the cut! Warning its. long again.

Why Act 4 isn’t very good and how I’d fix it. A stupid essay by Wally / SirWow —------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ DISCLAIMER!This is going to be a bit of an over exaggeration when it comes to how I feel about act 4. I think it’s serviceable and all the music and all* of the gameplay is very well done. (*4-2n has problems but I'll get into that.) This is out of a place of absolute adoration for this game and how much I’ve come to love it in the past few months. Also if you don’t know anything about RD this will make no sense <3 With that out of the way, take it away insane Wally. —------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rhythm Doctor’s acts all have a speciality of being completely unique and different from the last. Act 1 is a basic introduction to the tone and feel of the game; Fun, a bit goofy, heartfelt and even dramatic at times. Act 2 feels almost like the start of a slice of life romance. The dumb guy with a coffee addiction and the sarcastic barista that serves him with an energetic secret side. Act 3, what it lacks in one settled idea it makes up in a jam packed and fast story that expands the scope of this at first basic story. Act 5 is the king of acts (as of writing this!) a single focused story on Lucky that doesn’t forget the ones going on around it unlike in say act 2’s hyperfocusing of Cole and Nicole. A grand slam story that pays off its build up with a spectacular final level.

Then there's act 4. The confused and uncertain child of the lot. It’s plot jumping around yet not accomplishing literally any story development, repeating points that have already been made and forgetting the ones it introduces. Not only this but it fails to be what it sets up to be and even sidelines it’s own chapter with a sudden unprompted return to the hospital! So let us go step by step, level by level why act 4 falls behind all the rest.

4-1 & 4-1nNow these two levels are actually great, but understanding what makes them so good is important to understanding why the rest is so bad. 4-1 follows us just now getting on the train with Cole and Hailey and meeting Miner. We’re immediately thrown into action as Miner gets a heart attack on the spot, a classic western jig that is perfectly in keeping with the new held beats mechanic. Sets up the feel of the chapter to be a good ol’ western-esk adventure with a bit of a playful lightheartedness to it. 4-1n takes this up a notch by playing off the idea of western and how it was popularized in the 80’s with a midi jam and level literally called Roller Disco Rumble. The level design is also impeccable for both. 4-1 is purely focused on the held mechanic to warm you up to all its kinks and bits. 4-1n is a difficulty spike but in a good way. Teaching you how helds function with other beats (specifically SVT’s) in a difficult but not hard to understand way. Introducing the helds then the SVT’s then combining them during mid and end of the song. Both are wonderfully done introductions to helds for the rest of the act. Keep this in mind for later. 4-1 gets a 8/10 and 4-1n gets a 9/10

4-2 & 4-2n This is where the problems start rearing their ugly heads. 4-2’s story context is that there's a sandstorm and they’re all having a bad time about it. This is… Fine when it comes to a plot but serves zero plot progression in the chapter. By the end nothing has changed and nothing new was learned, merely serves as filler plot wise and makes for a somewhat forgettable story. Then there's the level itself. For what the gameplay is it’s good! Snappy patterns but somewhat reminiscent of 3-2N’s gameplay. The music works well enough but I could definitely not hum the song off the top of my head after spending a good 2 hours S ranking it and 4-2n. It is a bit strange why Samurai and Logan would be there of all people but from a gameplay point of view I completely understand. Overall, a serviceable but filler and forgettable level. Then there is 4-2n. A CRIME TO LEVELS!!!! 4-2n has the exact same song and plot as 4-2 which is already pretty bad considering both of those are middling at best, but now the plot makes less sense and the song is RUINED by WORSE gameplay!!!!!! Richard’s beat is fine and good for making the song harder but the bird? THE BIRD????? Crime. The bird follows none of the beats of the song, it’s frustrating to learn consistently and is more of a game of tying it to the other beats to know when to hit it. Then there’s an extension of the song and for what? So we can be tortured further by this feathered beast??? 4-2 is a 4/10 and 4-2n is a straight 1/10 4-3 & 4-3n Or as I like to call them- “Wait this is act 4? This feels like act 3!” suppose thats why its the third level but regardless- 4-3 is yet another filler story beat and somehow even worse than the last one. The point of act 4 as we were introduced to it in the pre-act cutscene was we were gonna get away from the hospital for a while and see what it was like outside! But nope! This level pulls you back to the hospital to deal with the birds and Mrs. Stevenson. At least with 4-2 we were still on the train. The music is good and the gameplay fun but that doesn’t excuse the fact that it takes you out of the experience of the train. It also straight up doesn’t have the helds anymore and if you think we will be seeing them again after this filler you are WRONG! There are more levels in act 4 WITHOUT helds then there are with helds. In the chapter that introduces them mind you. My general review of this level is basically identical to 4-3n. There's basically no difference between the levels other than Ian doesn’t take over some of the other lines for you. In isolation both these levels are fine and inoffensive but in context of this being a chapter about getting away from the hospital and containing all stuff that was important in the act prior to this this level would have just been better made the night level of 3-3. 4-3 & 4-3N both get a 4/10

4-4 “Wait, where's 4-4n?” I am splitting these levels apart because they’re extremely different from each other. Now then- 4-4 is basically just continuing the filler trend of no story happening and being pretty ill fitting to what the long forgotten original set up of this chapter was supposed to be. 4-4 follows Cole showing off some of his music to Hailey so she can send it to Logan later. (which is pretty passive aggressive but that's an essay for another day.) Nothing new is realized or discovered in this level, we already knew Hailey was longing for Logan and that Cole makes romantic and heartfelt music. Most you can say about this level is that it establishes Hailey and Cole as friends thanks to what Cole says after the level is completed. The music is again good and gameplay alright but still gets lost in the “This could have just been a act 2 level” fog. It is memorable thanks to it’s distinct song and vfx-es. Speaking of which- absolutely no offense to the vfx in this entire act! It’s fine enough and even really good on 4-1n and the last level. 4-4 gets a 6/10 4-4N This level gives me extremely conflicting feelings. Yes it repeats the same ideas as 4-4 but done with far more grace and introspection to the characters up to this point. Cole and Hailey are chatting again and she asks him about who he wants to play the guitar for. (Which also its kinda silly that she’s surprised he plays the guitar. He had to have carried on the guitar case to have it on the train, she was there during 2-1n, and according to 2-2n, Cole and Samurai blast their music playing throughout the entire hospital. ANywhays.) Cole is hesitant to answer and then we flip back to the hospital with Nicole and Logan. We get massive development with Nicole, her picking back up the guitar because of Cole and wondering if he’d like acoustic when she hasn’t really shown any obvious feelings back to him up until now. The song is also fantastic with great leitmotif call backs and being a calm night level to fizzle off. Despite all of this praise however… I can’t bring myself to ignore the fact that this level still probably shouldn’t have been here. If the rest of the levels had a focus on what the act was established to be about then I’d let this level slide but they’re not. It continues the issue of not using the established chapter mechanics, going over pre-established plot points we already know, and really not serving the already hurt story of this act. It is perfectly fine to have a level to develop side plots like 2-4n or 3-1n, the issue is when the rest of the act is failing to say anything. 4-4n is fantastic in isolation, probably the 2nd best of the act in isolation but this is a broad review of the whole act and I can’t ignore that. 4-4n gets a 7/10, 9/10 were it isolated from this. Intermission talk (not about any level) So this is the 8 levels we get for the act. Half fall under a 5/10 and there is a repeating issue that is found throughout this whole act. The writer's curse of filler plots. Filler in Rhythm Doctor is not something that can be indulged in much- maybe 1-2 filler levels in an act. The reason that filler can’t really be indulged in that much is just due to how all the acts get at most 9 levels, usually more like 7 or 8. As a result of the majority of act 4 being complete filler, the act doesn’t leave any impact. Act 1 I can let slide (somewhat. Maybe I might write an angry act 1 short essay) when it comes to not making an impact because it’s the first levels, we just need a basic foundation. Act 4 not so much seeing as the last two acts left far more of an impact. Also there is a notable lack of any act boss like every other act. “But what aboutttt 1-Xn???????” that don’t even got the 4 in it!!!! So let's get on with the final level of act 4. At least when you first play through the game.

1-Xn The second case of being very conflicted about a level in this act. Positives first; This is a brilliant way of getting back to the hospital and really getting across the impact Connectifa can cause. The level visuals I don’t even need to tell you are fantastic and letting Insomniac get more than a single appearance is nice. (#justiceforInsomandLucia) However this is where my praise has to end as much as I adore this level in isolation. No level is truly isolated from the rest of the game and the way this level fits into the rest of the story and flow of things is. Not great!!! First off 1-Xn has zero build up to it happening in the story, it just kinda does. This I can let go a little bit since it’s supposed to be a woah! Twist moment but it’s still not great. Then since this is acting as the boss of act 4, it really fumbles that. I harpped on at the start of this essay that 4-1 and 4-1n are fantastic set up to what's supposed to be happening but this is the ultimate showcase of act 4 not knowing what it wants to be. Why are we back at the hospital? We aren’t using the main mechanic we were introduced to at the start of the act and in fact have regressed back to act 1 mechanics purely. There’s no multiple rows, no SVT, not even skip beats,  just the same 7 beat gameplay from the start. This drives me up the wall- I love you Insomniac but this should not have been the act 4 finale. Lastly there's the post stuff after the level is finished for the first time. I don’t know how to sum up my feelings on it much better than it feels hollow, forced and unnecessary. The info and story we get from it feels less like a payoff and more of a forced reminder that the doctors are appreciated and respected n that you are too. I think that's a good thing to say of course! But we already know this like a lot. 3-X was literally to get this point across, Miner thanked you on the train, Insomniac already thanked the doctors once and now he’s doing it again making him continuously flat as a character. Having Insomniac thank them again would be fine but the whole cast doing so is forced. HELL some of the character interactions that actually did give some development to others got CUT from the current version of the game. Things like Logan being scared of the dark n Hailey poking fun at that or Cole looking for a welcome back and just getting it from Samurai. It’s all just… such a fizzle to the end of what I guess is a mid game act. Worst part? Miner doesn’t even show up in his own act ending </3 Whew ok I had a lot more to say about 1-Xn then I thought I did and I feel too negative now so let’s move on to what to do now. —-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fixing Act 4 (The Wally Way) So what have we examined about act 4 up to here? Its; - Unsure to what it wants to be - Filler bloated - Fails to help the player master the helds and as an introduction to Miner - Somewhat forgettable SO let’s try and do a bit of a rewrite here shall we? Or I guess just me I don’t know why I keep saying we, I’m the one writing this. Anyyyyywho!

Story intro, 4-1, 4-1n I won’t be changing any of these, they’re perfect as is. A new 4-2 and 4-2n Now then the first of the rewrites, 4-2 I don’t believe the actual story itself needs to change for this one but I feel it be a good way to start introducing aspects of Miner we see in act 5 here! He’s a caring dude and loves to help out so why not have him help Hailey with not being spooked by the sandstorm before the level starts and maybe a little conversation after the level is done. 4-2n is where the first of the very big changes happens. Throw out the copy paste of the day version level and story and instead we have a level of Miner and Hailey star watching now that the sky is clear. We can still have the beat going on but instead it’s just Hailey and Miner’s- Instead the challenge comes in having an internal rhythm rather than visual as both their bars can’t be completely seen. It’s far more laid back then the hectic day in a sandstorm and focuses more on learning more about these two characters. What would we learn? Idk man I don’t wanna insert my own headcanons if they’re wrong, that's up to the devs to figure out. Unless they hire me /j 4-3 & 4-3n (aka throw it out) That's a nice level you got there. It shouldn’t be there tho. Live by the advice of kill your darlings and kill this level entirely to replace it with a new pair of levels that pays off the setup we were given in the act intro when Hailey said she needed to deliver some things. 4-3 rewrite follows Miner, Hailey and Cole all arriving at the actual town they were heading to and doing town things! In keeping with the silly but heartfelt set up of 4-1, Hailey wanders around town to do things and Miner has to save her from the many dangers of the wild west- cacti, heat, rock slips and snakes. If you want a backing SVT beat or even one in swing then Cole is busy off at another local cafe getting a coffee but having adverse effects because it’s a local brew he did not check the contents of before downing. A story end of Hailey’s ended and potential development for everyone on the train if they so choose to. 4-3n’s rewrite is the gang all done for the day but now stuck at the train station waiting for their train to arrive. Cole starts playing his keyboard bored and Miner n Hailey join in making a little jig! Clapping/stomping from Hailey, Whistling and then a harmonica for helds from Miner. Technically filler but it still gives development to this dynamic and a smooth inbetween to them heading back. 

4-4 & 4-4n Now these levels I’m not actually going to be changing despite my critiques of them. I think they still work in this context- Maybe 4-4 could have a bit more focus that Hailey is getting these anxieties about Logan now that she’s heading back instead of just having them for no definitive reason then she does. 4-4n is still a great level. Maybe add a story reason why Miner isn’t around during this level- perhaps have him say he needs to go check on something and this could be setup for what I have next- 4-X (but for real this time) A final boss level where our chilling cruising state is suddenly thrown off the rails- and literally! I’m a bit indecisive about which I would go with but my two thoughts are both classic western train shenanigans: The train gets derailed somehow and the gang gotta deal with it and hold on. Alternatively, the train gets attacked by bandits and loonytoon-esk fighting ensues. Regardless of which you gotta treat them to make sure they also don’t have a heart attack from the stress. The three can all have their moments and can act as a proper ending to the 4th act. 1-Xn (wait what) We’re not leaving behind 1-Xn though! Seeing as this is still an important level to the story we’re not gonna ditch it. Instead now 4-X acts as a subtle cause to why Insomniac got so bad in this level. Ada got back right as boss level occurred so her, Ian and the intern were all hands on deck when it came to monitoring and treating Cole Hailey and Miner. Besides, if Edega found out they let their patients get injured on a non-approved adventure they’d have their jobs on the line! Unfortunately being hands on deck with the three outside, they ended up missing Insomniac having a Connectifa episode and it got worse. They were just calming down the train gang after the boss level when the power suddenly cut off and cut off the intern’s connection with the train gang. 1-Xn ensues as usual and the situation is handled. The post conversation instead has them all at first checking on Insomniac when the train gang is finally able to arrive at the hospital. Miner gets to be part of the end and properly transferred to his role in the next act as Lucky’s support. Cole and Hailey are able to get their welcome back conversations and they can all still thank the doctors but with a more justified reason now! You just took on boss levels back to back and before they could thank you for the first one they all got cut off. A much more impactful end to Act 4 while still keeping intact a majority of the already existing things set out.

Conclusion and Extra things n doodads So thats my essay on act 4, it kinda sucks and I sound pretty mental at some parts but that's the Wally brand for you! I really love what the rest of Rhythm Doctor has done so far and I know act 4 has potential if it was rewritten. I still hate that fucking bird tho. Uhh now some other stuff i didn’t know where to put: “What about 2-1n’s skips? That's a mechanic not built on like helds!” 1. It’s a night level and 2. It shows up only thrice so far in the entire game and you even get told to go play it if you haven’t yet during act 5. “This sounds like a lot of work to change it to this.” I am well aware. If someone doubts me on this then I can make all the backgrounds and animations myself. I’m no composer admittedly but I can write, sprite, concept and draw! “Wally what even prompted you to write 10 pages about an act you don’t like” I wrote an act 4 fic and got on a tangent about act 4 to Mochii n Jenn and how I'd change it so I decided I'd just go ahead and write it. Nothing better to do (lie he had much better things to be doing like SLEEPING IT'S 1 AM WHEN YOU’RE FINISHING THIS DUDE) And I think that's all? If anyone has any more questions of me then like. Shoot my tumblr with an ask or ping me oke doke? Wally signs off and probably gonna die inside if any dev actually reads this. Hi if you are… I’m more normal than this I swear…

[littledollll]

Hellooooo, before I request anything I just wanted to let you know that your stories are super duper comforting. I get so excited when I see that you've posted, and I especially love re-reading your works when I'm feeling sick, or little or sad or you know...✨️other things✨️

I was reading up on Lucifer (The Sandman's) Wiki page, but the comic version, and I read that Lucifer can choose a soul's destination, and they killed someone by their own will, so that they'd be free from (I think) a demon's service.

Soooo I was wondering if I could request Lucifer x fem reader? They're in love but reader is a mortal, so they beg Luci to kill them so that 1) they can be free from this shitty world but also 2) so that they can be together.

And maybe Luci has to think of the nicest way they can kill their lover? Lots of comfort and angst please hehe. Also I hope this makes sense <333

-🧸 anon

Our forever

Lucifer x human!reader

a/n: random 2am writing motivation I’ve gotten 3 fics DONE ima see what else I can do until I knock tf out☝️

Warning: talk about death, like so much of it, like it’s basically the whole fic. Slight arguing but it’s bc they love eachother awww

✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪

“What?” The look on Lucifer’s face was of disbelief, truly they looked at you as if you were insane to even bring up the idea.

“There’s only so much time you can spend in the waking, and I have nothing here Lucifer. No reason to stay. So- kill me, we found a way to be together forever. You wouldn’t have to leave your realm constantly, I wouldn’t miss you so much, we could have so much time.”

Still, Lucifer looked anything but convinced.

“I’m gonna die anyways! I would preferred not having to wait like 80 years just so I can freely be with you.” You were stubborn but so are they. “Then wait. Why, why do you so freely wish to give up your life for Hell. What’s another 80 years if I’ll have an eternity with you by the end of it.”

“Wont I be like super old? You want to be with a super old me? I certainly don’t want to look any older than I am now for the rest of eternity, thank you!” That was a poor argument, you knew that. But you felt as if this was actually becoming an argument and you sure as hell didn’t want that to be the case.

“I can’t do that.” They quietly replied, hands coming up to cup your face. “Fuck the laws, since when are you anything but rebellious!” You were so set on this idea. Lucifer sighed, they almost looked, sad? “I don’t care about the laws. I care about you, much more than anything else, much more than I’d usually feel comfortable admitting. My darling, I can’t kill you.”

Sure you’ve been together for years, you know how you feel about eachother you know they love you more than anything. But hearing that admission, basically a confession- so openly made you pause. What are you even supposed to say after that?

“You die and then what? You just leave your whole life behind, quite literally. You simply move to hell? What comes after? What are your expectations, what do you want from this?” Being alive for so many eons you’d guess it’s impossible to stop thinking about the future, about any and all possibilities.

“Nothing! I just want to be with you. I don’t care what i have to go through or have to get used to once I’m there. I just want to be with you why is that so difficult to understand?” Why don’t 𝙮𝙤𝙪 understand.

“Hell isn’t me. You need to understand that, it’s not a book trope, it’s not a person who softens up to you. It’s a place meant for sin, judgment and punishment. Hell is not fun, it’s freezing, it smells of sulfur and smoke, there is no such thing as peace and quiet there. I can keep you sheltered inside the walls of my castle. Outside of that, it is just hell.”

“Then I’ll stay by your side, inside the castle, and I’ll learn. Id only have so many years to learn how to live there after all.” You’re not letting this go until they give in or the day you naturally die and they know that.

You knew their mind was running through every little detail of how this could work, of how they’d find the strength to actually kill you, how you could be by their side, how hell could actually be your home.

“Is this truly what would please you?” They searched your eyes for any hesitation, for doubt, but they couldn’t find any. “To start Our forever now? More than anything. I have nothing here to will hold me back, I have a home when I’m with you, Lucifer.”

Lucifer sighed, arms wrapping around you once again. “I, I will find a way, if you truly insist. I will ensure your comfort, that you are to die quickly and painlessly, and when you wake it will be in the safety of my arms.”

“I couldn’t dream of anything better!” You were visibly giddy now that you got your way. “Peculiar little being. Nobody has ever been this excited about death or hell.”

You giggled and spoke proudly, “Death is a friend, and the lord of hell is my lover, I wouldn’t expect to be called anything but peculiar.”

Was it a terrifying idea to Lucifer? Definitely. No argument there. But seeing how you practically lit up when Lucifer complied maybe made it all worth it.

[squarebracketsmileyface]

The gender exploration fic officially has a name now :D

It's gonna be "My Girl, My Girl, My Girl (You Will Be)" because Tim's Girl, Jay Will/could Be (eventually, they're working towards it slowly 💀) or just MGx3 (cos MG times 3 lol) for short because that's a bit of a long name and I really can't be bothered to write it out a bunch of times all the time but yay :D

I'm planning out the plot outline and chapters at the moment, which is going vaguely well, tho I'm trying to keep some kinda storyline behind it as well as it just showing what Tim and Jay get up to in their free time through August to December (cough cough their sex life through that time period). Figuring out how to keep the MH side of the story rolling is a bit tricky, because looking at the actual, irl entries, not a lot actually happens in those four months 💀

Like, Tim and Jay fight over that tape and stop working together. Jay tries to attack Tim in his home and gets ziptied. Tim goes to Benedict hall and hoody helps Jay escape. Jay goes to Benedict hall. And then it's entry 80 and Jay's dying.

Like. So little happens across all the entries uploaded, but I don't want to give them much less time and just have it that the entries were uploaded really spaced apart after the events in them happened all at once, because I wanna write a whole bunch of smut for them lol. I gotta give Jam an excuse to not just go straight to Benedict hall pretty much immediately, because like, currently? What's stopping them? Literally nothing. They could go there halfway through August and still be as well prepared for it as they were in actual MH.

They probably did go earlier than the entries were posted in irl MH didn't they lol. But I need them to have those four months to be all happy couple together, I need itttttttttttt. I also need them to have those four months so Tim can learn a bit about IIAB and knock some sense into Jay's dumb little "woe is me I am nothing but the victim" brain and set him on the road to realising that what he did was very not okay even if he genuinely thought he was in the right/doing that Alex wanted him to do even at the sacrifice of his own comfort.

COS THAT'S A THING TOO, so much of Jay's pushiness and all that in IIAB came from a place of him genuinely thinking he was doing something for Alex rather than subjecting him to it.

It feels like such a fine balance to make sure Jay isn't irredeemable. He's not malicious with anything, he's just scared of losing people by not giving them what they want, and scared of not knowing what to do to not lose someone new.

Was it stupid for him to try the choking thing with Tim when the first time he tried it caused the breakdown of his and Alex's fwb relationship? Yes. It was so fucking stupid. But Jay was scared and hey either it was going to be fine, or it'd drive Tim away rather than letting him be the one to leave and Jay was still rather in the mindset of thinking Tim would leave him at some point and he couldn't stand the thought of that. It'd be much less painful if he drove Tim away.

He still kinda thinks that honestly.

Doing that kinda thing to get what he wanted from Alex had worked and been 'fine' every time up until Jay actually put himself in harms way with it. So like, he didn't exactly put two and two together while he was freaking out a bit with Tim.

Also with how it went with Alex that last time, Jay was still vehemently ignoring that he was even somewhat at fault for that fwb relationship ending. Sure he knew he'd done something wrong, but he refused to figure out exactly what and actually think about what that meant for himself. Alex never told him what he did so it was a lot easier to blame Alex and hate him rather than actually look at himself and his actions. It was also easier to think of it more as Amy taking Alex away from him, or poisoning Alex against him than to think that he was actually the reason for Alex finally telling him to fuck off.

No one wants to think they've done that. No one wants to think maybe they pushed for something someone doesn't want to do a little too hard, and really really hurt that person who they care about deeply.

Then there's the whole thing that a lot of what Jay did in uni, he also wasn't super comfy with? He was just so completely convinced it was what Alex wanted because of all their previous interactions. Then he got it so in his head that when Alex said he *didn't* Jay just couldn't wrap his head around it and assumed Alex was making *himself* uncomfy in order to try and cater to Jay's crush on him, and Jay much preferred being uncomfortable himself than making Alex uncomfortable.

And that's what he saw it as. He saw it as him sacrificing his own comfort for Alex's a lot of the time. Like, yes. He enjoyed the rougher sex and all that and they had a lot of times that I haven't actually specifically written where they just had fun with it and enjoyed it a hell of a lot. Most of their uni relationship wasn't bad. Most of their uni relationship was just kinda fine. Not great, neither of them were completely happy with it, but it wasn't the level of toxic that it could be all the time.

[epersonae]

Because you foolishly agreed to more than one of these: Director's Cut of "BIGFOOT STOLE MY HUSBAND!", please.

anyway.

before I even start on this, let me just say that I love that you've picked out my three OFMD fics that imho get the best comments in very different ways. for the benefit of all the broken hearts gets the in-depth analysis and plot-based screaming; I spit on your grave is full of I NEEDED THIS CATHARSIS; and BIGFOOT STOLE MY HUSBAND is about 80% "would it be weird if I wanted to kiss bigfoot/o no you've awakened something in me", which me too bud (actually this comment is one of my favorite comments on anything ever).

Sometimes you write something you're not into entirely out of spite, well, 80% spite and 20% as a gift to your friends lol.

Which is to say that someone posted a link to a pretty bad (and also at the time the only) Ed/Stede/Bigfoot fic in a server I'm in (come ON, "it was all a dream"?!?!?! COWARD) and we got chatting about what a good fic would be like, and then dammit now I have an actual idea.

I said in my previous director's commentary post that I often need a hook to get into a story, and the camping narration that it starts with was the hook.

My ex-husband (first spouse, the bad marriage, the divorce) was very outdoorsy in that Pacific Northwest way; in college he'd worked for a summer as a guide on Mt Rainier and then the following winter was the caretaker for a lodge. He was not as gung-ho about it as some of his friends, but he did always want for us to go on a "real" backpacking trip, and we did a lot of car camping. And like, we had some real awful arguments and terrible experiences, but also there was a lot I enjoyed about it, and I hadn't (still haven't) done that since before I got divorce. (iirc we didn't go out at all that last summer we were together, which feels like part of the "everything coming to a head" of that year.)

So apparently I had a whole bunch of pent-up feelings about camping, both the actual physical experience of being in the woods/mountains and the experience of doing something that your partner is into WAY more than you are. (Which, yes, is both about the camping and Bigfoot.)

One of the other things about that fic is the whole scent experience, obviously, and that is the 20% gift for a friend aspect of that story, because one of the people who I was more or less writing it for is someone who I thought would appreciate that particular aspect. My beta also pushed me to be more specific and detailed about the actual fragrance notes, so I did two things. One, I looked up perfume sites and stuff for the kind of language people use for that, and two, what ended up being the most notorious (?) details: I opened up my spice drawer and literally smelled all of my spices to find something that might be a little unusual but also felt right. And that is where the cumin thing comes from.

(I think the commenter experience of "would it be weird if I were into this" comes both from my commitment to sensory detail and to Ed's inner narration of "would it be weird if I were into this")

Finally, I knew it needed to end not with Bigfoot, but with them affirming their connection to each other, and I did seriously laugh out loud when I realized I could use "he's got nice hair". It's so stupid and so perfect.

(also the detail of the two of them having a selfie with a roadside attraction fake taxidermy Bigfoot is stolen from my experience going to the Portland Maine cryptozoology museum and doing exactly that with Ryn, who loved all things Bigfoot.) (I've had relationships with at least four people who are/were really into cryptids, I have no idea what that's about.)

[ask me for the director's commentary on a fic!]

[usedpidemo]

Update - 2nd year anniversary! (plus a reflection, and future plans).

Hi everyone! π here.

Today, May 13th, is the day I officially opened up this blog and began writing degenerate and immoral stories! 2 fucking years have passed, how time flies. So much can change in a year, and so do some of the stats!

First work: Sandwich - Red Velvet Wendy (published 05/13/21, 4:03 a.m.)

Highest note count: Awards after-party affair - Itzy Yuna (published 10/23/22, 1167 notes)

Number of works published: 80 fics (1 fic every 9.1 days)

500 followers: June 18, 2021 (36 days or 1 month, 5 days)

1,000 followers: October 12, 2021 (152 days or 4 months, 30 days)

2,000 followers: June 18, 2022 (401 days or 1 year, 1 month, and 5 days)

3,000 followers: November 12, 2022 (548 days or 1 year, 5 months, and 30 days)

Follower count: 3,953 followers (5.4 followers a day)

I wish I had something awesome lined up to celebrate this milestone, but I don't have anything prepared XD I've been busy and lazy at the same time. (Is that even possible?)

Actually, yeah, I do have a whole week's worth of cool things lined up this week! If I can even follow through with this one...

Monday: AMA

Tuesday: Reader Poll

Wednesday: ???

Thursday: ???

Friday: ???

I don't want to make the fun section of the update elaborately long, so I just want to say thank you so much to everyone for the support! Even though I'm not as active or as productive as I used to be, your eagerness never wavered, and you guys enjoy me talking about random shit on the side, whether it be song lyrics, Pokémon, or literally posts without any context to them. I love you guys. Here's to another year 🧡

Everything else from this point is a brief reflection and introspection of what I've been feeling since then. You can ignore this if you wish to do so.

So today marks the second anniversary since I opened up this Tumblr and became a degenerate writer. The work I've been putting up is getting worse—in a sexual and filthy way, not objectively—and my mental health has been getter much, much better! When I made the same anniversary post around this time a year ago, I was at an all-time low, mentally speaking. I really felt like I had not much left to give at that point, my skill has stagnated, and I thought there wasn't much for me to improve on. If you asked me if I had any future plans for this blog, I'd say I'd be done by the end of 2022, if not sooner.

It's now 2023, and I believe I'm as good as I can be right now. Slumps happen for a reason, and you can't always win, but it's how you bounce back from the lowest of lows that you reach highest of highs. And I believe I can still get better.

Genuinely, not to sound arrogant, because Lord knows I'm not the best fanfic writer—fuck no—I'm not anywhere close, even in a theoretical top 1000 list, but I do think some of my finest work have come up in my most recent fics. I don't know, it feels more polished and there was more effort and deliberation put into it. The numbers don't lie, either; every single work I published since May 2022 has over 400+ notes, and I've even passed the 1000+ note barrier twice! It goes to show that you guys are enjoying what I'm putting out as much as I love making them, slow and difficult it may be. I can fondly smile at last year's additions to my masterlist and say, "I can't believe I did that."

I do want to apologize if my output rate has drastically slowed down, and if I'm not as active as I was before. It's unfortunately part of the sacrifice needed for better quality control, and also because I have more personal commitments to attend to. 2023 has been fantastic for me so far in almost every department, except maybe physically—I could use more exercise—but that can be worked upon.

I do believe I'm on borrowed time. Again, look at the gap between fics over the past six months ago, and it's only going to widen once I enter my third year of college. I also have to begin considering what hobbies and other things I should do to occupy my free time, so I can be more productive as a person. This isn't to say I'm definitely quitting, but I expect more responsibilities to be shouldered onto me in the future, and having time for myself is going to be pretty much a birthday gift with how rare it might be given, and I'd prefer spending my time off recharging and relaxing instead of stressing over inconsequential or 'fun' things.

There's a lot of people I want to thank specifically, because while I was struggling with my own personal battles, they've been encouraging me to continue fighting and have been absolute lads—and lasses—throughout the past year. When I needed someone to talk to that wasn't my therapist, they were there, and I took solace in their comfort and companionship. I can't tag you guys, but if you're reading this—Chunk, Raf, Peach, Aaron, Sol, V1n, Iz, Ddeun, C.o, Kaede, Frisky, Smite, Shaun, Sins, Jett, Eros, Prael, Ken, Cray, CJ, Sooya, Gray, Svn—I sincerely thank you. God bless each and every single one of you. And to Tim, I really hope you can see this, but I'm truly, truly sorry. I hope we can find a way to bury that fracture in our relationship in the past, and we can reconcile. If not, then I just want closure and peace for the both of us.

So in closing, I want to thank you so much for sticking with me through the bad times and prospering with me through the good, and I'm always humbled that you've taken a chance on me when I started, when I was a hopeful newbie, two years ago. Now here we are. I appreciate every single one of you, be it a fellow writer, a reader, or a lurker.

With grace,

Peter / π

[galaxythreads]

To be honest, I don't know. If you'd asked me a few years ago I would have honestly said no and been kind of offended anyone could hold Loki accountable for anything. But the thing is - now, after a lot of therapy, I don't think that mental illness or distress is an excuse for hurting people unless it is a genuine psychosis. If I was Loki's lawyer, which I'm not, I would say he was experiencing temporary insanity (a type of psychosis sort of) at the end of Thor 1.

But here's the thing, even if Loki wasn't really aware that what he was doing was wrong - did he still hurt the people around him? Yes. He did. Thor will carry lifelong mental scars from that fight. So to me, it's a gray area. Loki may not have understood what he was doing was wrong per se, but Thor was still hurt anyway. And this is not, in any way, a trade-off. Thor has hurt Loki in the movie, so Loki gets one free pass for all that he did to Thor? No. Not how this works. You don't get to hurt someone just because they hurt you. Like that works in fiction as motivation because it's fiction. Thor was hurt, and Loki was hurt. Their relationship is a mess and that was the point of the movie. They both hurt each other.

In the Avengers, Loki's official, MCU given body count may be 80-160ish people, but what about injuries? Mental trauma in the aftermath? Grieving loved ones? That's a minimum of 1000+ people affected.

And here's a not-so-secret secret: I don't think Loki was mind controlled in A1. I don't.

I know MCU has said Loki was being influenced by the scepter, but what does that even mean? They've never explained and Loki doesn't behave the same way that Clint or co did when they were mind-controlled. The scepter clearly has WEIRD effects on people, but what that means for Loki is ?????? They've never explained that further than a couple of sentences and before I accept this as being like canon-canon, I have to know what that means.

I will happily die on the hill that he was tortured by Thanos -- you will pull that from my dead, rotting fingers -- and that is a type of coercion that would absolve a lot of guilt, but I do and don't think Loki bares some responsibility for the invasion. I don't know. It's a gray area. I like the idea that Loki was tortured and then he agreed to attack New York to escape it. Mostly because I'm not afraid to wrap characters in darkness. I think Loki is allowed to have done something awful to escape something equally awful. Gray area. I'm not afraid to poke at the gray area.

But the thing is? Even if Loki 100% absolutely bares blame for Thor 1 and Avengers 1, canon matters very little to me in MCU anymore. They haven't given me anything I was happy to accept into my personal canon since Infinity War. I write fics with whatever now. I characterize Loki off of OG Loki and will continue to do so until I die, sometimes I put in that he was mind-controlled, more often than not I don't. I write Loki as a good person who did an awful thing to escape a worse thing that defines the rest of their existence but they're still trying to be a good person anyway. When I engage with Thor 1, I write Loki as having gone through a massive psychosis, but still having hurt Thor. I write Thor and Loki's relationship as both of them having hurt the other but still willing to burn down worlds for each other. Y'know, just a tad (lot) unhealthy. (But in a fun way because this is fiction and no one is hurt by it). Like my version of canon is slightly detached from canon and I know that, but like? I don't care. No one cares? Do you know the amount of comments I've gotten about a character being ooc in the last 1-2 years in MCU?

0.

Because what even is canon at this point? I could write Loki as literally anything and there would be a canon justification for it because Loki's canon characterization is such a mess now that there's no "correct" version of him anymore.

Like guys -- I write about Hela being a good sister. Do you think canon backs that? Absolutely not. Do I care? No?????? no I don't. She, Thor, and Loki are the best siblings in my heart and I will continue to write about that despite what canon says.

Once I let go of the idea that every character I like is secretly a 100% moral human being who is free of any guilt or terrible things, it relieved a lot of guilt and expectations I have for the characters. One of my main characters in my original book series has a body count in the actual millions and I absolutely adore them, okay? Because it's fiction. No one is hurt by me liking this character. I'm not going to start advocating for death. I've liked Loki since I was 15, and I didn't grow up to be a murderer. Honestly, now I kind of prefer the little bit of darkness because redemption stories are just my Thing TM. I love, love taking the dark or dark-adjacent characters and then dragging them into a found family against their will.

So I don't need Loki to be free of all guilt in order to like him. But I'm also happy to explore the idea that he is because it's fun either way. Darkness or less darkness, he's still just Loki.

(That's why I'm having fun with the Loki season 2. Because to me it's like a fic that took one interpretation of what happened and rolled with it. Because canon is whatever at this point. Loki in the series did attack New York by choice. Does that strictly agree with canon of A1? No. Absolutely not. They're ignoring so much, but the series isn't about that event specifically even as much as I wish it WAS, it's about Loki's relationship with the other characters. Idk. It's complicated.)

Fics are often a love letter to canon, an exploration/extension of what canon is, but other times they're someone looking at canon and going "WHY." and then rewriting it. I'm in the latter part now. I used to be the former, but MCU is just. MCU now. So I kind of looked at Loki and Thor, took a cookie cutter to both of them and then left with that. There's still other dough, but I don't care about it.

So yes I hold him accountable. And no. And kind of both?