#bc a lot of stuff i still need in the meantime

[gregmarriage]

i don’t understand ppl who leave their packing, until the last minute. i am already packing and i don’t go anywhere for over a week, imao

[ratinthevoid]

why can't i do anything

[phagodyke]

why are glasses so expensiveeeee

[vanishingstarrs]

pancakes for dinner ( k bakugo x nurse!reader, pro hero era, established relationship, just soft and pure vibes, down bad bakugo aka my boyfie fr, slight smut at the end, NSFW, minors DNI ) ( guysss i’ve been so sick and i’ve been suffering having to work still bc #hispanic we ain’t eva allowed to call out )): i’ve been wanting to write please please please x bakugo but haven’t had the energy, meantime hope y’all enjoy this little fic <3 just wholesome mushy stuff for y’all but then it turned smutty at the end because why not lol also i’m pretty new to writing explicitly so pls lmk how it came out !! idk if i'll do that again lmao we shall see i guess )

You were exhausted.

Mentally and physically.

Work had been a tad overwhelming lately, with extra things being piled onto your already heavy workload after a big merger between two of Japan’s biggest hospitals, which in turn caused a lot of people to be let go. Not only had it been stressful wondering whether you’d make the cut or not after a “re-interview”, but when you learned that you had been accepted you’d also been asked if you could take on a few extra duties.

You had never been one to back down from work, always taking initiative and being happy to help any one of your coworkers that might need it.

Lately though, it seemed every single person needed help. Your coworkers, your patients, and if it wasn’t those two then it was your boss asking if you could help her with management duties that had nothing to do with the extra work you’d been assigned to do on top of everything else.

You were sick and tired.

Your muscles cried out as you pushed your apartment door open and immediately kicked off your shoes, groaning as you bent down in order to place them onto the shoe stand. You were sure you heard your back crack as you stood straight once more to hang your purse and keys.

You didn’t bother unpacking the lunch you never got time to eat, leaving the bag you packed it in tied up and in the fridge before heading into your bedroom and immediately shedding your scrubs. You hated doing skincare, but thought about how dirty your face must be after dealing with so many patients and dragged yourself into the bathroom to get it over with.

By the time you were finished doing everything, your body was begging you to lay down for just a minute.

A little power nap never hurt, you told yourself as you fell onto your bed face first and sighed. You hugged your pillow to your aching body and allowed yourself to relax for just a little while.

Though “a minute” quickly turned into three hours as the sun went down and the night sky pulled you further into dreamland.

You didn’t hear the front door open or close, you didn’t stir when your boyfriend started removing his hero equipment, much less wake when those heavy gauntlets he somehow wore all day hit the floor or when his pounding footsteps carried across the hardwood as he made his way to your shared bedroom to check on you.

You missed the brief smirk on his face as he found you lying on his side of the bed, on your right side with a leg propped up for comfort.

Katsuki knew how hard you’d been working lately with the merger between the two hospitals and how stressed it made you. With him working as a hero, he encountered many people that wound up needing to go to the hospital. On top of that, you also had all the other sick people that hadn’t been involved in some villain attack. You likely dealt and saved more people in a single day than he did in a month, he knew this, he was proud of the fact, actually, and incredibly proud of you.

He was damn lucky to have you.

And for all these reasons, he was happy to see you rest for a bit.

He’d often come home late and find that you’d already done all the cleaning around the house, as well as meal prep for both you and him, and still found the time to bake desert on top of making him dinner. You went above and beyond in all aspects of your life, often even calling and checking up on his parents when he hadn’t done so in too long. He’d receive texts from his mother scolding him and making sure he was taking good care of you the way she knew you did him, he swore you were the favorite and he understood why you were.

Everyone loved you.

He adored you.

Except he hadn’t been doing his part as well as he should be lately.

And so, while you slept, he quietly changed into some loungewear before carefully shutting the bedroom door closed behind him.

He tried his hardest to be quiet as he went around cleaning up throughout the house, he swept, he steam mopped the floors (and prayed he didn’t miss a spot), he did your laundry, took your work shoes and scrubbed them clean for your next workday, he took your old lunch and tossed it out before setting to work on preparing you something delicious for tomorrow.

Being in the kitchen was actually soothing for him, he liked being able to experiment with recipes and different things for you to try. He hated that he hadn’t made the time to recently. He cooked enough dinner to pack lunch for both you and him, then last minutely decided that you’d definitely want something sweet when you woke up and pulled out the ingredients to make pancakes from scratch.

You liked it best when you had pancakes for dinner, not breakfast.

He was extremely pleased when they turned out light and fluffy just the way you liked them and he set out to cut up some fruit for you to put on top, making sure everything was ready before heading back to your shared room.

Katsuki was less quiet this time around, as he slid into bed next to you. He propped himself up on his elbow as he buried his fingers into your hair and gently scratched your scalp.

You were exhausted, and likely wouldn’t have woken up if not for him leaning over and placing kisses from your neck all the way up to your ear. You felt his hot breath as he whispered for you to please wake up, which made you groan softly.

You’d yet to open your eyes, but who else would it be? You asked,“Katsuki?”

“Made you food, baby, c’mon, I saw you didn’t eat your lunch, you gotta put somethin’ in your belly.” He explained as he removed his hand from your hair and lifted the material of your shirt to rub up and down your stomach, you felt him inch closer to your chest before stopping himself and tugging your tank top back down to your waist.

You turned toward him, quickly finding the divet in between his shoulder and neck to plant your face in. You were barely awake, not really comprehending what he was trying to say.

“Missed you.” You relaxed further into him.

“Missed you so much, sweets.” You felt him kiss your forehead,“Hate to pull you from bed, but you really gotta open your eyes for me.”

You did as he asked, smiling as his face came into view, lit up by the soft light streaming in from the hallway. “Hi, honey.” You managed to get out as he smushed your cheeks (cuteness aggression) and placed three kisses onto your nose.

You grinned as he said hi back and repeated that he’d cooked for you.

You beamed, you hadn’t had his cooking in a while, but didn’t exactly make a move to get up from bed. It wasn’t until he revealed that he’d made you pancakes, that had you up in seconds.

He chuckled as he followed you down the hall, lightly smacking your butt as you happily made your way through the apartment. You turned to him with surprise,“You cleaned too?”

“Course.” He scoffed as he tugged on your hand and sat you down at your small table that sat four people max. “I’d do it more if you didn’t always beat me to everything, I was thinking I should be doing a bit more around here anyway.”

“I can handle it.” You said, like always.

He rolled his eyes as he brought over the plate he’d prepared for you.

“I didn’t say you couldn’t, I’m just saying you don’t have to give a hundred percent every day, you know? You could give me thirty and I’d be more than happy to give the remaining seventy.” He began to explain,“I wanna take care of you too, and that starts by you not doing everything.”

You silently watched him cut up your pancakes before placing some fruit onto them and drizzling maple syrup all over, he gave you tea to drink and pulled his chair closer to you while you ate.

He ran his fingers through your hair again as you told him all about your day before asking about his and what time he’d gotten home. He let you feed him a couple bites of food and you snagged a few extra kisses each time you lied and told him he had syrup on his face.

When you finished, he asked if you’d like a bit of real food, claiming he wanted you nice and full. You agreed, happy to eat what he’d prepared.

You were less tired now, satisfied with your belly full and sitting with your lover as he recalled a story about retrieving someone’s lost kitten in a tree. You laughed at the classic save and felt your mental load becoming lighter the more the minutes went on.

After eating, the pampering continued.

Katsuki demanded you allow him to run you a bath, and he quickly made the bathroom up with a few candles. He set up a movie for you to watch on your laptop as he came into the room with you and offered to wash your hair. You requested he get in with you then, and he obliged quickly, taking his time when it came to massaging his hands through your hair and pressing kisses against your back at every opportunity. He held you against his chest as you relaxed into him.

You honestly started to get sleepy again.

And then it was ripped away from you once more as Katsuki led you to bed, not to sleep, but to have you spread out against the mattress for him to plaster his tongue against you and demand he get his dinner now.

“Wanna take care of you.” He’d said.

He quickly had you squirming and writhing underneath his touch and the feel of his fingers inside as he worked you until completion. He sung you praises about how hard you’d been working lately, telling you how you deserved this and more, as well as making sure you knew how good you always did for him.

“One more, baby.” He begged.

One more turned into two then three, and by the time he finally lined himself up to your entrance you were spent. He worshipped your body, kneading your breasts and holding one of your hands back so you couldn’t hide how flushed your face had become from not just his compliments, but from the way he fucked you.

“Katsuki,” You moaned,“Close.” Again.

“Cum with me, baby, please.”

The movement of his hips was starting to get sloppy, but neither of you noticed through the haze. He whined in your ear as you latched onto his back with your hands and wrapped your legs around his waist, your walls squeezed him and he moaned one last time as he got lost in euphoria. He didn’t make a move to remove himself as he pressed his sweaty forehead against your own and kissed your cheek and then your neck and then your collarbone, making a line all the way down to your bellybutton.

He occupied himself with making sure you stayed awake despite your eyes being closed as you attempted to catch your breath, he sucked hard enough to leave a few marks along your chest and before you knew it you started to feel him become hard inside of you again.

Your eyes snapped open as you gave him a look.

Katsuki smirked as he rubbed your hip and stole your mouth briefly,“Gotta make sure you’re nice and full, baby, one more time f’me, please?”

“You’re insatiable.” You told him.

And yet, how could you say no to him when he looked at you that way?

It was a good thing you’d taken that nap earlier, especially now that your body would soon be aching for a different reason.

[pandafruit]

Ok, I’ve been tossing this AU around in my head for AGES, and I have to get it out or I’m gonna explode.

So in TEC, it’s made pretty clear that there are numerous risks to reviving Butler that even the fairies can’t fully account for. No healing like his had ever been attempted before, and there was really no telling what was gonna happen.

What if, in the face of all this, Holly refuses to heal him?

She’s not a trained medical warlock. She’s on her own. And she’s being asked to desecrate the body of her friend, with unknown, possibly catastrophic results. She refuses, tries her best to console Artemis and goes home.

Now, a lot changes from here.

Artemis obviously isn’t giving up hope. He transfers Butler to longer term cryogenic storage and has human surgeons fix his wounds as best they can in the meantime.

Artemis and Holly’s friendship is shattered. Artemis could never forgive her for not even trying to heal Butler. Holly doesn’t hate him in turn, but she does (mostly) believe she did the right thing, and wishes he would see her point of view. The LEP might still occasionally contact Artemis for help (though not for long - I’ll get to it) but the two of them remain, at absolute best, frosty around each other from then on.

Spiro and Blunt are no longer getting the “off to prison” treatment lmao. Artemis contacts Carla Frazetti and convinces the Chicago mob to turn on Spiro and assassinate both him and Blunt. Afterward, Artemis ends up taking Spiro’s place as benefactor and strategist for the mob. In return, Carla provides him with a security detail when needed (which is how I’m getting around Artemis not dying without Butler every 5 minutes lmao). The relationship proves very beneficial to Carla, and absolutely horrible for Artemis’s moral compass.

Artemis becomes obsessed with learning how to use magic - if the fairies won’t heal Butler, he’ll do it himself. This strains his working relationship with the LEP to the breaking point, and he eventually becomes a fairy fugitive. (I’ll be honest, this one is just bc I think Warlock!Artemis is cool as hell. They should’ve let him keep the magic >:(((( ) (Also cue tragic-yet-awesome scene where Holly is trying to bring him in and they get into a magic fight. The drama. The cinema).

Speaking of his magic! Artemis is no longer actively monitoring Foaly’s work, and the calculation error for the demons goes unnoticed until far too late. Thousands die in Hybras’s return to Earth, and the fairies come dangerously close to being revealed altogether.

When Artemis’s Atlantis Complex hits, because of his decidedly more amoral life path and extra dabbling in magic, it’s a hundred times worse. He has full blown hallucinations, panic attacks, multiple alters, and can no longer access fairy help for any of it. He stumbles by with human OCD treatments, but it’s not nearly as effective. He still refuses to see a psychiatrist.

Eventually, years down the line, Artemis masters magic well enough to revive Butler. It’s both better and worse than it would’ve been had Holly healed him - he no longer has to deal with the Kevlar strands thanks to the human medical intervention, and Artemis was able to train for years specifically to heal him, but the extra time in stasis means it takes even more of Butler’s life force to revive him.

When Butler finally awakes, he no longer recognizes the cold, paranoid, angry young man he used to dutifully protect. Butler may have been the one who was revived, but it’s Artemis who came back wrong.

There’s a million different ways this AU could go, but this is the stuff I’ve been tossing around. Also I know for a fact I haven’t hit every plot hole - PLEASE please share what you guys think would happen with me!! As of rn, I have no name for this AU, so I would appreciate suggestions for that too lmao

[caineinthecorner]

Languages (The Others)

★ Based on my language general hcs + the brothers' hcs.

Hi I am sleep deprived. Behold part two of my shitty hc delusions wooooo.

"Caine you missed some" yeah I'm lazy (+ don't know their characterization well enough). If you want to add hcs for the guys I skipped you can but in the meantime I'll go with the basic bitch options

Gentle reminder I make shit up. (⁠◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕⁠✿⁠)

★ Solomon.

Okay so like I said with Asmo he knows french (and they're both nasty with it)

Basically he rizzed up Asmo in french

Using the dude he was in based out of he also knows English (native probably), Welsh, German, full-ass Demon Tongue and like some latin for magic bs. Idk

(bcs the guy lived nearby those countries in ye old Europe(tm) and something something immortal so why tf not learn languages while at it)

(also of course he learned demon tongue. He wants to rizz up demons and what better way to do that)

He learned demon tongue from random demons and a lot of trial and error

Plus he knows japanese if we are under the pretense that mc is japanese.

So like Solomon tries to use language rizz to get close to you as the other human student in Devildom. So basically using the Asmo trick with you.

... He's kinda painfully obvious with it

(how tf did Asmodeus fall for this shit?)

If you don't speak any of the languages he is fluent in his ass will ABSOLUTELY pick 'em up and be like "hey I want to learn:)"

He uses language as a tool to get what he wants basically

No wonder him and Asmo get along

If you know a language that is not loquar-translatable and he speaks it as well prepare to get secret-talk'd a lot.

Not having people spying your convos is a incredibly valuable asset in Devildom

Especially since you're around the brothers almost 24/7 and they're fucking VIGILANT

Oh also he 100% knows that Asmo fakes being shit at English.

But he's a simp so 乁⁠(⁠ ⁠•⁠_⁠•⁠  ⁠)⁠ㄏ

★ Luke.

FUNNILY ENOUGH. Two things:

Yes he doesn't need Loquar to communicate with you since he's an angel BUT

For some reason (cough your heritage cough) he keeps messing up in which language speak to you with.

Angel instincts are telling him to just use whatever language with you but the thing is that You Don't Know Whatever Language

Which is odd because that's something he only does with fellow angels????

But you are human so

He doesn't think much of it. He's probably just confused because he's around mean demons! >:T

(His basic subconscious instincts are harder to control since he's low ranking and his Angel brain is going "You = angel = language doesn't matter")

But since he keeps somewhat messing up around you he decides to gesture to hell when talking to you just in case

so you get the gist through his mannerisms in case his words get fucky

His least favorite language ever is Demon Tongue. Even outside of Not Liking Demons he doesn't like how throat-y and intensive it is.

↑ that is a popular Angel opinion btw. Demon Tongue in general is just annoying to use for them and barely any Angels use it outside of in-the-moment communication with Devildom natives.

If you ask him his preferred language he'll say some form of Latin since it's the preferred language of most high ranked angels, as well as Michael's.

But it's actually English.

★ Simeon.

Since he is was a high rank angel, he doesn't mess up what language speak to you with. He has real good control of stuff like that that comes with experience and age.

(in fact he's very confused why Luke keeps messing up so bad around you but doesn't think much of it since Luke is technically still a fledgling)

I already said this but yeah his preferred language is Archaic Latin (shared it with Lucifer pre-fall).

Ever since Lucifer's fall he switched to plain English and that's the answer he'll give you if you ask.

Only Angel that isn't bothered speaking demon tongue and will do so at his own leisure.

If you try to learn the demon language he is unironically so helpful because he isn't a spiteful bitch like Lucifer and actually teaches you shit without throwing you into the wolves

In fact Simeon is amused as hell over the fact that Lucifer is making you learn the hard stuff first. That is so him.

He's like the good cop of the learning dynamic. Cool substitute teacher vibes

Simeon finds accents to be the cutest thing ever since it is an inherently odd concept for someone fluent in Everything Ever

He has (jokingly) cooed over Luci's accent when he speaks Latin nowadays. Lucifer is not at all amused.

★ Barbatos.

He knows every language.

... Yeah that's it that's the list

Look at me dead in the eyes and tell me this motherfucker does not speak Sumerian

Ofc he knows every human language ever. And Devildom's. He knows™.

Funniest thing is that he doesn't even need Loquar to talk to you. He just deadass speaks your language with full fluency and you Never Notice

You only notice one day while having a normal convo with him and then Diavolo walks in speaking full deadass gibberish somehow and you're like ????? and Barbatos says "oh apologies I forgot to apply Loquar to you here you go"

Like deadass he would fuck with you so hard when it comes to languages.

Do not go to this man for language advice he will teach you proper stuff in the most incorrect way possible

(Probably! Or probably not! It depends! On what? Who the fuck knows™!)

He's deadass a roulette of proper, legitimate advice or literal shitposting

He wrote the Voynich manuscript. It was a housekeeping journal he was keeping in a dead Devildom idiom that ended up in the human realm by accident

He didn't retrieve it solely because seeing humans go insane over it was funny as hell and he has a secondary copy anyway. That book has nothing relevant in it besides like two recipes.

He did go to check back on it once to write down a meat pie recipe Diavolo's father liked bcs he didn't have on the copy

Barbatos is the definition of "wtf what language was that" "yes."

He and Lucifer have random days where they just pick a language to speak to each other. It helps to maintain fluency.

Barbatos jumpscared Satan once by going, full ass unprompted mid convo, "Oh right you speak Tagalog."

He knows what languages everyone speaks like a white girl knows zodiac charts

★ Diavolo.

Ok so he probably knows English since it is Solomon's native and humanity's current universal(ish) language

Like of course he wants to communicate with humans! Of course he'll learn their language!!!

Unlike Barbatos and Lucifer who are very impressive Polyglots he's realistic in his language stuff. The more down-to-earth of the three

His English is hilarious

Not particularly because he says things wrong but his accent and tone just makes it sound incredibly funny

He sounds exactly like a dubbed-over superhero doing a friendship monologue At All Times

He is so earnest with it that you don't have the heart to explain why you're laughing

Anyhow fun fact:

Loquar for some reason translates what he says in Demon Tongue the most literal ass sense possible for literally no reason

Which is odd(tm) but mostly just funny as all hell

Everyone has been troubleshooting whatever the fuck happens to Loquar Ad Vos with Diavolo but no idea so far.

The phrase "have you tried unpapplying it and applying it again" has been uttered more than once unironically

The working theory is that since Diavolo is royalty and Loquar Ad Vos was created with the sampling of normal demons it works wrong on him since there's something different(tm)

Reverse engineering the Loquar spell to work on him has been in the works for a while. Loquar is drafted like shit since it is an old human-oriented spell (Basically like spaghetti code needing to be rewritten), so it proves a bit troublesome.

You later find that Diavolo speaks in a very uniquely pronounced manner

↑ Think of it like Devildom royalty has a very distinctive Way Of Speaking. Like an accent but also not. Probably magic related in some way(?)

"do you want to consume nourishment" ← Diavolo's ass getting mistranslated

So yeah Barbatos or Lucifer kinda have to lend a hand when you two communicate.

If you're English speaking then you two kinda communicate that way sometimes. You reassure him on his accent and help him along if he gets anything wrong.

(he's fluent-ish in Japanese as well if we are running in the assumption that the reason why MC's canonically japanese is because they needed someone who A) speaks a language translatable by Loquar Ad Vos B) is also a language Diavolo knows and C) is not of the same social background as Solomon)

He will get so unapologetically excited when you start learning demon tongue. You two can!!! Communicate even more!!!!!

Demons will be genuinely mortified if you gain Diavolo's accent while speaking demon tongue. Why does this random ass human speak like royalty ತ⁠_⁠ತ

Very (un)subtle way to tell everyone that you're besties/partner/whatever of the literal prince of Devildom.

Something something dragon being possessive something

[minustwofingers]

exoplanet p.6 (ellie’s journals)

summary: you’ve won the life lottery as one of the few people on earth with parents who gained admittance to the most prestigous safezone in the world after the outbreak. but after a lab accident sends you out to jackson, wyoming, real life hits you fast. it’s a good thing that a hot lesbian finds u. (lol). mean ellie at first, slowburn, enemies to friends to lovers, fem reader asf

warnings: a significantly different writing voice! this is going to be a very different vibe from the other chapters since i had to write it as i imagine ellie would (which is a lot different than i do). slight nsfw content (mdni), language, mentions of violence/gore, angst, ellie’s pov is actually really depressing

a/n: soooo i know it’s been almost 3 months...and i’m really sorry about that! a lot of stuff happened in my life and i kind of fell off writing for quite some time. but i finish series, so i’m going to get through exoplanet in its entirety so i can finally give you all closure. some preliminary notes: know that these are modeled after how i imagine ellie would journal if she did journal this much. canonically she didn’t do that much writing that follows a narrative like it does here. i think it’s honestly a little ooc for her to be emotionally responsible enough to talk out her feelings, but given that there’s no other way to tell her side of the story (save for legit rewriting it from her perspective, which would take another 6 months or so and be horrifically repetitive), i decided to just suck it up and write it. i’m sorry if it sounds awkward, since she definitely doesn’t write in a voice that i have much experience with. the next chapter will be better!

word count: 5.5k

tags~ @intrnetdoll @dazedshoon @lovecaraya @pctcr @sariyaflowr @loser-keiji @prettyplant0 @666findgod @sawaagyapong @rystarkov @buzzybuzzsposts @addisonnie @galacticstxrdust @elliesbabygirl​ @pinkazelma @ariianelle @lu002 @blairfox04 @sparkleswonderland @elliesflower @muthafuckingstargirl @elliewilliamsissubermommyoml @eviestevie-14 @quicksilversg1rl @guacala @crtcrp @overtrred28

(i haven’t updated this yet bc my tags aren’t working)

a special special SPECIAL thanks to both @roarriita and @elliesflower​ for being soooo sexy and betaing for me. you both are so wonderful and helped me sm in feeling good enough to post this :)

without further ado, enjoy ellie’s journals!

January 20th, 2038

Today’s been…fucking…

I don’t even know where to start. I don’t get why this sort of shit always happens to me. First it was being bit and somehow surviving. Then it was getting carted off across the country. And now some girl basically falls out of the sky, claiming that she comes from some sort of paradise up North?

I’ll spare the immediate details. I don’t think I’ll forget the basic stuff—her name, the way she looked clutching at her knees in the clearing and shaking. That stupid shirt she had on and that expensive scarf.

I still want to believe that she’s just a liar who happened to get lucky with running into us, but even without Joel vouching for her story, I don’t think I’d ever be able to buy that she’d been living in the same world as us. I’ve never met someone without scars before. I didn’t know that there were people out there who didn’t have marked up arms and faces. Or people without calluses. Did you know that hands can be totally smooth?

Anyway. Tommy says that he’ll try and reach out across the contacts he has. Joel has her living right down the hall from me in the meantime, so now I have to share my bathroom. Hopefully the Terranovan authorities are good at finding people. She takes so fucking long to shower. It’s a wonder the whole compound still has hot water.

[One page of drawings follows: Dina smiling in the snow on her horse, Joel playing his guitar]

January 25th, 2038

Maria says that they’re thinking about breeding Shimmer soon. I know she told me because that means I’ll need to ride another horse for a little until she recovers and I know that we need another generation of foals, but it still made me cringe for Shimmer’s sake. She’s too free-spirited to be a mother. She doesn’t deserve that.

I went stargazing last night. It was pretty. Lots of shooting stars. I ran into the girl while I was coming back from the meadow. She gave me a weird look, and I could tell she wanted to ask me where I’d been but kept her mouth shut. Sometimes I regret dropping off that bag of clothes. I really fucking liked that gray sweatshirt, actually. I’m not even joking. It looks weird to see it on someone else.

[Half a page of drawing follows of the night sky with labeled constellations]

February 5th, 2038

Long time no see. I’ve been pretty busy with patrols and helping Maria with securing the walls. Joel made me try some of that coffee that our new house guest brought. It was just as awful as I remembered, but he seemed happy. So one point for the space girl. I guess.

Dina’s been hanging around more. She just broke up with Jessie (yes, again). She swears that it’s for good this time, but I’m not so sure. She also talks a lot about Y/N and what little detail she’s gathered about her life back in Terranova. I thought teasing her by asking her if she had a crush on Y/N would make her talk less about it, but it just made things worse.

I miss when things were normal.

[One page of drawings follows: one of Shimmer in cross-ties, another of a girl’s face, half-finished with the face scribbled out]

February 12th, 2038

Today I’m sad. I’m in bed with that book about astronomy that Joel nabbed for me on patrol a while ago and there’s a section I wanted to read that’s completely waterlogged. It shouldn't be a surprise. It’s decades old and has survived through an apocalypse. Normally things like this don’t bug me much because I’m so used to it. Half of my Savage Starlight collection is damaged. I don’t think I’ll ever find the first book to actually complete the series, and that’s okay, because I’ve never expected anything more. But now that I know that there’s a world out there where I’d never have problems like this, stuff like this hurts. It’s so stupid. I’m lucky to be alive. Compared to what’s left of the world population, I live a much cushier life than most. But for the first time in a while, I’m wishing for more.  

“Greed is the enemy of happiness” is what Maria would say if I ever said this kind of shit out loud. But is it really? Or is it just realizing what life can be?

[Half a page of a drawing of the solar system, with each planet labeled]

February 22nd, 2038

Maria let me pick the sire for Shimmer’s foal. It felt kind of gross, to be honest. I asked Maria if there was any way for Shimmer to choose and I was only sort of joking, but she just laughed anyway and patted my back. I won’t have to worry about finding a new horse for another two seasons or so, she told me. It’ll be weird not having her for a little.

She also told me that there was still no word from anyone who knew anything about Terranova. She said this to me in this placating voice, like she thought that I was going to punch a hole in the wall or something after hearing it. That seems to be common when it comes to people talking about Y/N and me. I don’t know why so many people think I don’t like her staying with us.

I don’t, by the way. Let me be clear. But I mostly feel indifferent about her now. She doesn’t bother me as much anymore, not since she started getting out of the house. I think she might be helping in the gardens, but I’ve never actually asked. We don’t talk a whole ton. I don’t think she likes me all that much.

[A drawing of Shimmer’s head poking over her stall door that takes up one page]

March 2nd, 2038

Today was finally our first nice day of the year. I would’ve enjoyed it more if the bird that lives in the tree outside my window hadn’t blown me out of bed at 4 in the fucking morning. I’m exhausted now. It’s been a long day. Joel says I need to take Y/N out on patrol soon. Why, I have no idea. Maybe he just wants me to actually befriend her or something, and I do nothing but patrols now. He can’t possibly expect her to be a good patrol partner.

Thankfully, I checked the logs when I came back. The route he wants me to cover with her has been the quietest all season. I doubt we’ll run into anything. If we do, I’ll probably be able to handle it. Hopefully.

[Half a page of doodles, mostly of nature and wildlife with the exception of a half-finished doodle of an arm clad in a fabric that drapes like silk and a hand with polished nails]

March 3rd, 2038

Many surprising things were learned today. I can’t believe it’s illegal to be gay in Terranova. Sorry. I shouldn’t laugh. It’s just—out of all the things they could be bothered by, it’s that? Really?

March 12th, 2038

I haven’t been good at journaling recently. I don’t really want to talk about why. You know why.

[Six pages of drawings, with many unfinished doodles of Y/N—including but not limited to her on her horse, her reading on the couch, and one with her sitting in what is a very loose interpretation of a classroom, taking notes]

March 13th, 2038

I will feel more normal tomorrow. Hopefully.

[Two pages of drawings, all of Y/N. One is her bent over a book, the other is her smiling up at you]

March 14th, 2038

I did something really stupid. I think I should probably just document this here so I don’t accidentally drunkenly spill it all out to Dina at the next bonfire. This is so embarrassing. I don’t get why I feel this way. It’s so stupid, you know? To feel anything towards someone who’s so…I don’t know. Different.

She gives me the weirdest looks sometimes. I can’t tell what they mean. It feels like she’s judging me. And why wouldn’t she be? I bet all the girls she spends her time around back home are just like her—perfect, orderly, pretty, proper. The day before I took her patrolling she gawked at the shorts I was wearing. It was borderline offensive. Actually, fuck that. It wasn’t borderline. It was offensive. You don’t just stare at people like that. She should know that.

Anyway, I invited her over to my room last night. Normal, right? Because we’ve been doing that a little since I took her on patrol, by the way. I’m not sure if I mentioned that before. But this time I’m pretty sure she thinks I’m…I don’t know. Creepy? Strange? Scary? She told me that she thought I was intimidating. And then I called her “untouched”, like how some old-timer devout Christian wackjob or whatever would describe virginity. It was so fucking weird of me. I don’t know what got into me, but she kept doing this thing where she kicked my foot with hers or touched my knee and it just threw me off. It took me forever to fall asleep last night—I kept replaying what I’d said to her, especially how I’d told her that she wouldn’t have made it if she were me like I was some sort of hardcore survivalist. I think I embarrassed her. I’m never doing anything like this again. I’m going to be dead sober every time I see her from now on.

I’ll stop talking about that. Y/N did come back after I’d made a fool of myself and showed me her collection of movies, so maybe it wasn’t so bad. I haven’t watched any movies since I was with Cat. When we first started dating, I’d invite her over and she’d sit right where Y/N did last night. I’m trying to not think of the implications, because it’s space girl, and she’s going home sometime soon.

[Three pages of drawings follow—some nature drawings of ferns and moths, others of Y/N with wet hair, her knees tucked up to her chin like she’d been in Ellie’s bed that night]

March 19th, 2038

It’s the Spring Equinox. That’s the first thing Y/N told me this morning when she saw me in the kitchen this morning. She gave me a mini lecture on what that meant for the planet’s axis tilt and I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I already knew, since she seemed really excited to tell me.

I made a horrible discovery yesterday, by the way. Maria came up to me and told me that Tommy had decided to reach out to some of his other buddies up North to see if they had any connections to Terranova, and for the first time, I felt myself hoping that it wouldn’t work.

It’s awful. I shouldn’t be thinking like this. Even in Jackson, where things are comparatively much better than the rest of the world, there’s risk. Just this winter, one family had to be kicked out when they were found hiding an infected son. No one here is completely safe, just safer. I shouldn’t be selfish. Y/N needs to go where she’s meant to be, where there’s no chance of infection or invasion. I’ll be fine. I just need to get over whatever this is.

Speaking of her, I need to go get her to tell her that we’re heading out on patrol in just a few minutes. Fingers crossed she doesn’t accidentally shoot me, but Joel swore up and down that she knows how to handle a gun now. Sure. Haha.

I’m back. It’s the middle of the night and she only just left my room. I don’t know how much detail I need to go into—chances are I won’t forget this. But for bookkeeping purposes: patrol did not go so hot. I had to give her stitches without any local anesthesia. I’ve never given stitches to anyone nearly in my lap before. I was really nervous, too. I don’t think I’ve ever had to focus so much on keeping my hands steady when it came to stitching someone up before, not even with Joel.

I’m starting to think that maybe I was wrong about thinking that she didn’t like me. I still can’t tell exactly what she thinks of me, and I know that it’s a really bad fucking idea to be entertaining thoughts like these, but tonight she did something that made me reconsider. She got under the covers with me, and instead of moving away to keep us from touching, she rested her head next to mine on the pillow.

I hope she couldn’t hear how much my heart was racing. People can’t hear that kind of stuff, right? Even if they’re close?

I’m being ridiculous. There’s no way she—No. She doesn’t see me like that.

March 21st, 2038

She rested her head on my shoulder today. I don’t know what to think of it. If she was normal and grew up like the rest of us did, I would know exactly what to think. But she’s not normal, and it’s not fair of me to treat her like she is. Maybe this is, like, a culturally acceptable thing back from where she grew up. Maybe rich people just cuddle each other all the time. I wouldn’t fucking know, and unfortunately no one in this godforsaken town can help, because there’s a distinct lack of what Maria calls the “bourgeoisie”. They’re all either dead or back where Y/N grew up, doing whatever rich snobs do.

Even if it is normal for her, I feel like I can’t stop analyzing everything she does. She seems more nervous around me than she does anyone else, but she lingers like she can’t help herself. I’ve noticed that she stumbles over her words and touches me much more than is really necessary. Or at least I think she does—maybe I’m just imagining things.

But even if it means what I think it does, I can’t let myself think like this. It’s not fair to her. No one deserves to live here if they have the choice. At least the people out here know how to handle it. She doesn’t, and I don’t want her to turn into the type of person who does.

When I stitched her up and teased her about being weak and sensitive, I think she thought I was insulting her. I try not to think about it, but if I let myself wallow too much, I’ll wonder what kind of person I’d be if I wasn’t so jaded. Maybe I’d draw more, or read more, or write more. Maybe I’d be an easier person to love. I didn’t get to choose how I turned out. It just happened to me.

So if she has the choice, I’m going to do everything I can to help her make the right one. I don’t want her to be like this.

March 29th, 2038

I had a dream about Riley last night. I haven’t had one of those in years, not since I was traveling with Joel. We were back in the mall, and Riley had just turned the lights on as a surprise. I had this feeling then, like I was being given a second chance. That I could set things straight and do what was right. I woke up before I could insist that we leave.

[A drawing takes up half of the next page. It’s a crude depiction of the mall Riley turned in.]

April 4th, 2038

It’s the middle of the night again. I can’t sleep. I’m so disappointed with myself about what I did tonight with Y/N. At the time, it seemed like a really good idea. She likes me back, apparently. I was right about everything that I wrote about earlier, I guess. But it certainly doesn’t feel like I thought it would.

It’s not like there’s no part of me that isn’t thrilled that she feels the same way. That’s why I gave in and slept with her. But even when she told me how she felt, even before I completely lost my self-control, something heavy was already hanging over me. Regret, maybe. Or guilt. I don’t know. What I do know is that this can’t last. I can’t make this good for her like I want to. She needs to go back, and she needs to be able to feel like she can make that choice without feeling like she’s leaving anything good behind.

I’m not a spiritual person. but even so, I can’t help but feel like that dream of Riley was a sign. This is my second chance. I’m not going to fuck it up this time. I’ve already been an accomplice of so much suffering. Y/N is going home, and I’ll never see her again when she does. That’s that.

It took all I had left in me in the end to kick her out. She looked so hurt, and the fact that she tried to hide it made it even worse. I wish I could tell her why this can’t work, but I don’t think she’d understand.

[A drawing of Y/N kissing Ellie’s palm follows, her hair slightly mussed]

April 6th, 2038

I need to stop making rash decisions like knocking on her door late at night and asking her to come over. I really don’t know what’s gotten into me, because whenever I see her now, I can’t help but freeze up. Like last night, when she kissed me and touched my face and told me she thought I was a good person. I panicked and told her—well, nevermind. I don’t really want to repeat it here. It was mean, but I didn’t know what else I could do to get her to stop.

She was already tearing up by the time she left. I had to sit down and breathe deeply for a few minutes before I was sure I wasn’t going to be sick. I don’t really think I want to write more about this right now. It just makes me sad how unfair this all is. Of course the one time after Cat that I meet someone I really like it just has to be in one of the cruelest scenarios possible. I just have no idea what to do.

[Five pages of drawings follow of Y/N in bed, her head tilted back against the pillow, her eye’s half lidded, and her mouth slightly agape. Ellie redraws this multiple times, x-ing out parts that don’t seem quite right]

April 10th, 2038

I know this is none of my business, but she’s been spending a lot of time with Dina lately. She nearly got herself killed getting a gift for me with Dina yesterday, which feels like some sort of especially cruel joke. The universe isn’t being very fucking subtle right now.

If what I’m worried about is right, at least Dina has the option to come with her up North. She’d test negative.

April 20th, 2038

I would really like it if I could have one short break from the misery that’s my life right now. I turned 20 yesterday, accidentally introduced Y/N to my ex, proceeded to get much drunker than I meant to, completely fell off my rocker and asked Y/N to stay the night, and then discovered this morning that not only has Terranova found Y/N but that my strategy of keeping Y/N at arm’s length completely failed.

She wants me to come with her, and she’s threatening to stay here otherwise. I did the only thing that I could think to do and snapped at her.

I’m so tired of this. I hate having to act like I don’t care. This is the third time now that I’ve had to say something nasty to her to keep her from getting too close. I just want to get in bed and sleep until she leaves and I can pretend like nothing ever happened and that everything is normal.

[One page of drawings of Y/N passed out in her bed and Y/N grinning while holding a lopsided cake]

April 28th, 2038

I know I haven’t been writing much again. Sorry about that. I just can’t bear to think about my life right now. I know I should be relieved—this is what I wanted. I wanted her to go where it’s best for her.

But there’s still that selfish part of me that keeps me up at night. Y/N is going to leave this place never knowing how I feel about her. Logically, that should be what I want. This way I won’t need to say a real goodbye. I know I won’t need to now, since she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. It’s really fucking immature of me to be so hurt by what she must think of me now, but I can’t stop.

I wonder how long it will take for me to stop feeling sad about this. I’ve never had to process anything like this where there’s nothing I can do. With Riley and Sam, I at least got to heal from the knowledge that I was going to help make the vaccine to save the world. But losing Y/N just because of where we come from is totally meaningless. I can go forward knowing that I made it easy for her to make the right decision, but that only goes so far.

I don’t know how I’m going to handle this. I’m going to practically live with Dina so I don’t need to be alone for the first few weeks.

I wish May 8th would just come already so she can go away and I can get on with my life.

May 1st, 2038

Things have changed some. Joel cornered me in the kitchen last night and told me that I needed to grow up and just appreciate the rest of the time I had left with Y/N. I was going to agree and try to walk past him, but he stopped me and told me that he needed me to escort Y/N. I guess he’s right. She can’t go alone, and Joel and Tommy are getting a little too old for week-long expeditions into the wilderness.

He also told me that I need to apologize to her and make things right, saying shit like I’d regret it forever if things ended between us like this. I don’t want to admit it, but I think he’s right. When I told him that she’d originally threatened to stay if I didn’t go with her, he blinked, hard. Then he told me that he had an idea.

I’m faking it. I’m telling her that I’m going, even though I’m going to leave her when she gets picked up. I don’t know how I’m going to pull it off. When I told her in the meadow last night, she was so happy. I know it’s really sappy and cliche to say this, but I felt my heart shatter, bit by bit. I’m not a very good liar, not to people who are important to me. But I suppose I’ve been lying to her all this time, kicking her out of my room and telling her that I didn’t want anything more with her.

I can do this, I think. I have to do this, or else she might threaten to stay, and I don’t think I have it in me to be cruel again. Not to her. I guess I’ll just trick myself into feeling like I’m actually coming with her, like we have a chance of actually being together. I don’t know. We’ll see.

[One drawing of Y/N laying down in the meadow that takes up half a page]

May 3rd, 2038

It’s easier than I expected. Y/N sleeps over in my room at night, and if I don’t think too hard about it, I can pretend like things will always be like this.

I’m getting to be such a sap, though. I almost broke down in the bathroom today while I was getting ready. It was over the stupidest thing—a toothpaste bottle. Y/N always folds it so neatly, making a perfect, tight spiral of plastic near the end. It used to really bother me when I first had to share with her (because who does that—it’s weird and doesn’t do anything since she doesn’t manage to squeeze out the extra in the bottom anyways), but the thought of throwing it out when it finally emptied and having to find another one that’ll never be folded again hit me and suddenly I was counting my inhales and exhales. I don’t really give a shit about toothpaste. It’s just that it was the moment that I realized that she’s really going to be gone soon, you know? Slowly but surely, the evidence of her stay here will be wiped away and replaced. Someday I’ll forget all the little details about her.

She’s knocking on my door. I need to stop being so depressed and go see her before she picks up that something’s wrong.

[One small doodle of Y/N smiling and rolling her eyes while brushing her teeth]

May 6th, 2038

Dina’s coming now. Y/N told me this morning after she went to say goodbye. I feel really shitty about this. I guess I should tell her that I’m not going now, because this way Y/N needs to go home to get Dina the help she needs, but I just can’t bring myself to. I’ll have to escort both of them to the pickup spot anyway since Dina’s weaker now that she’s pregnant, and the thought of having to spend a full week with Y/N after she knew I lied to her makes my skin crawl. I can’t tell who I’m trying to protect by doing this—me or her. Maybe both.

I’m losing my two favorite people here, and they don’t even know it yet. But this is the best option. This is my chance to finally do some good in the world.

May 7th, 2038

I’m about to go stargazing with Y/N for the last time. I don’t think I’ll be writing in here again until I get back. I don’t want to risk losing this while I’m out in case something crazy happens. Which it probably will, but I canonically happen to be really good at living when shit hits the fan. Also—I don’t imagine Y/N to be a particularly nosy person, but if she ever came across this and thought it was a book or something, it would make things really awkward. So, you’re staying tucked carefully under my bed until I come back later this month.

I don’t know how to handle this sort of goodbye. I don’t really know how to handle any sort of goodbye, I guess, but at least I’ve been through them before. I may not do it well, but I know how to live when people I love die. But this isn’t like that. No one is dying (hopefully), and more importantly, I know it’s a goodbye this time. I see it coming on the horizon and I can’t even tell anyone about it. How does anyone deal with that? How does anyone cope?

Y/N’s knocking on my door now. I need to go before I start thinking even more and do something stupid like start crying or whatever.

I’ll be back in about two weeks.

June 1st, 2038

Sorry for not writing. It’s been pretty shitty, actually. It took me 5 extra days to get home because some scavengers gave me trouble. I hardly slept for most of them. I ran out of ammo about 4 days out and had to use my knife for everything I ran into until I was able to raid the cabinets of this abandoned cabin. Nearly got taken out by a clicker, too. It was not fun. It was especially not fun because I was not feeling super great to begin with, for obvious reasons.

Things haven’t gotten any better since getting back to Jackson. Y/N didn’t take her stupid Exoplanetary Systems textbook and now I’m struggling with whether or not I should throw it out. The rational side of me says to keep it because it was published after the outbreak and probably contains updated information that isn’t anywhere else. The rest of me doesn’t even want to look at the stars anymore because it reminds me of her.

It’s really hard not to blame her for ruining everything. I can’t go out and ride my own horse without thinking about the first time we went on patrol together and she dropped my gun and nearly killed one of us. And I can’t even relax in my own home, because I’ve spent almost every night with her since March in my bed. Sometimes when I hear a creak in the middle of the night I assume it’s her walking down to the bathroom or getting water until it hits me again that she’s never coming back.

I know I’m being melodramatic. There are many other worse problems I could be having right now. But I don’t even have my best friend anymore. I wonder if Dina and Y/N are angry with me for lying. I wonder if they’re settling in okay. I hope that Y/N manages to fix whatever her research was and that Dina gets better.

[Twenty pages of drawings of Y/N and Dina together. Some are snippets of them on their expedition to the pickup site. Others are pictures of Y/N and Dina walking around with smiles on their faces in what looks to be a city]

June 21st, 2038

It’s been over a month since I’ve last seen her. I had a breakdown while getting ready for bed when I realized that I didn’t remember what her voice sounded like anymore.

[Ten pages of half-finished drawings, each with its face scribbled over]

June 28th, 2038

I don’t think I really remember what she looks like—not exactly. I’ve been trying to draw her because I’m still in the habit of making decisions that are definitely not good for my mental state. I just can’t do it, and it isn’t for the lack of trying. Every time I get to her eyes I keep drawing something that looks wrong, but I can never tell why. I compare it to my earlier drawings of her from when we first met and it feels like meeting her for the first time again.

Joel says it’ll pass and that he’s proud of me for doing the right thing. Jessie and I have been hanging out more. Even if he won’t admit it, I can tell he’s miserable without Dina. But he understands why she had to go—just like how I feel about Y/N. And Dina too, of course. Jackson feels like a ghost town without her.

July 17th, 2038

I haven’t been writing or drawing in here for a while, I know. I was going to just go ahead and start a new journal—you know the one that Maria gave me for Christmas with the dark blue cover—but it didn’t feel right to just stop without explaining. Otherwise I’ll feel like an asshole for wasting so much paper.

I don’t want to move on from what happened with Y/N and Dina. I really don’t, but I don't think I have a choice. If I keep going on like this, I’ll never be able to live normally again. I’m just sick and tired of being sad all of the time. So I’m not going to write here anymore. I don’t think it’s realistic for me to forget all about it, because I don’t want to forget her. Not really. But I guess if I want to get better, I’ll need something different. So, here’s that. The beginning of my fresh start. “Fresh start” and you call me overdramatic!! haha. Y/N was here!

(You left this on your nightstand. I promise I didn’t read too much. I opened it because I thought it was your sketchbook. I’m going to put this back since I hear you walking down the hall now.)

ok as an aside my blog is broken so my stuff isn’t notifying people when i tag/showing up on dashes or in tags. please reblog if you’re comfortable so people can actually find this! thank you!

final a/n: i totally get it if this wasn’t quite your cup of tea this time—i just really wanted to iron out ellie’s pov before their reunion in the end. which is happening and not a spoiler because i have always promised a hea! this was a change in pace for the story and i promise you that the next chapter will be more normal/align more with my normal writing style. i have also changed my mind (probably) and have decided to stick with writing an epilogue! so two more chapters are coming before this is totally over. thank you so much for waiting and being so patient! i love you all dearly ok bye bye now

[mamadarama]

IM SO SORRY IKEEP ACCIDNENTANLY UNFOLLOWIGN U BC THE ASK BUTTON IS NEXT TO IT 😭😭😭 i love ur content so MUCH i would NEVER unfollow on purpose omgg 😭

also anyways imjust wonderign , have u ever thought abt what would happen if yumenosaki didnt exisr inthe first place ???? like. what if they all jsut go live normal lives. or maybe if any of the major events in tthe storyline never happened. cause youre so amazing at analyzing stuff so id realllyyyyy like 2 hear ur thoughts <333 THAMKYOU!!!!! have a nice day :DD

OHH LOL OK i was like hey didnt this person follow me the other day? ive done that before too

i have thought abt that!!! i think some of them would still end up being idol adjacent? also a lot of characters grew up in the same area so they might end up going to the same school or smth anyways so theyd still know each other.

wataru is a stage/movie actor and eichi buys vip seats to all his shows until he notices him . kanata and kaoru are both marine biologists. madara is still exiled and starts traveling doing god knows what, but comes home to japan sooner than he wouldve if eichi didnt stall him during the war. in japan he continues to do god knows what. odd jobs and the like. chiaki and kanata still meet and kanata is saved from the cult. chiaki might go on to become a professional basketball player? izumi and makoto dont have a falling out bc the war never caused leo to break down, so izumi doesnt get paranoid for makotos safety. both of them along with arashi are models and leo is still a composer. arashi would also be a divorce attorney purely on the basis that i think she would be really good at it. rei retains most of his 2nd yr personality and simply mellows out a little instead of acting like an old man, and his friendship with keito wouldnt fall apart. keito is a mangaka and a teacher. hes trying to keep those identities separate but who knows how long thatll last. koga and rei still form deadmanz but keito wouldnt join. instead theyd be a duo unit until koga invites adonis to join, and this time adonis actually gets the chance to since deadmanz wont disband before koga can invite him. kaoru might join later, but its more of a hobby and his primary goal is still taking over and carrying on his mothers research. he works at kanatas aquarium. adonis is a park ranger. i think souma would be a teacher. either biology or a weapons class, or both. kuro and shu are both fashion designers but kuro would specialize in costumes and shu would do mostly high fashion lines for runways. kuro also does wrestling, he intended for it to be just a hobby but he ended up being a fan favorite so now hes better known for that than he is for his costume work. mika is shus apprentice still. hiyori is dawdling and unsure of what he wants to do, but in the meantime hes busying himself with making youtube videos (think jenna marbles). he still meets jun in school. jun is a streamer but he also has a fitness blog and works part time as a personal trainer. pretty average life but with the added bonus that he lives with hiyori, so he doesnt have to worry about money as much. nagisa is a geologist and historian. he works at a museum, thats about it. he still stayed with hiyori until he was adopted by his current family. ibara is the ceo of some company. yuzuru is toris butler still and tori is learning what he needs to do as his family's heir. tsukasa is doing the same. yuzuru and ibara dont meet again after ibara leaves the military facility. ritsu is a professional pianist, hes known for theming his performances around his vampire thing and playing creepy organ music, except on a piano. mao is a freelance photographer and a tutor. makoto continues to be a model, but also does gamedev and photography on the side. he also streams with jun and natsume and has a radio show with the rest of trickstar. anzu would still get transferred to whatever all boys school trickstar is going to, but instead of being trickstars producer shes just part of their friend group and theres no war. switch exists as a magic act, performing at events and whatnot. tsumugi also has his own fortune telling business and works as a librarian, and sora is a competitive gymnast. hajime is a botanist and works for the city managing public gardens. mitsuru became an olympic athlete. when nazuna graduated he went to college to do ...whatever it is hes doing. since there was no unit keeping them together, he was able to just stop talking to shu and they eventually drifted apart painlessly. tomoya and hokuto are actors. subaru is a solo idol. the twins street performances took off and they became a well known acrobatic duo. shinobu is a radio host and has a podcast where he talks about anime. tetora is a competitive martial artist. midori happily works as a vegetable farmer with his family.

rinne and niki live the same way they did before becoming idols, except niki has a cooking show. tsukasa secretly helps kohaku escape from his family and silently passes his allowance over to kohaku so he can live somewhere safe. as soon as he can he gets back into contact with aira. he lives alone like niki did when he was 14 and spends a lot of time in the library trying to homeschool himself. aira is still an idol fanatic but doesnt become an idol. hiiro goes to look for rinne, but rinne refuses to leave and hiiro goes home after making rinne promise hell still visit home sometimes. hiiro takes rinnes place as the next monarch. tatsumi and kaname still go to the same school but kaname never has the accident, so oremeru never abandons his identity and has no reason to hate tatsumi. tatsumi is learning to be a priest from his dad and will eventually take over as the pastor at his family's church. since es was never built on the same land as the ayase's bunker, mayoi would stay underground for longer. if he left at some point hed be a visual artist and submit his work to galleries. he probably wouldnt meet the rest of alkaloid, at least not right away.

so thats what i think would happen, more or less.

[grimmcheems]

Art dump 1 🚮🎀✨

I don’t have anything for Halloween so………art dump.

Was cleaning up and getting rid of some arts I didn't see myself continuing. Ik they don't look great but I like to share my ideas and how much potential they had before I abandoned them. A lot of these are like concept sketches and stuff I was fixated on at the moments I made them. Some of these are rly old, some of them younger like a yr old….a couple were initial sketches of ideas I have semi-related full arts of that I've actually posted in my acc later on.

Like the Ryouko yakuza one and Hinami on her chair. Those were the first sketches I made of those ideas (the yakuza Hinami AU I have) but I never got back to them and they were very old and I did not feel like trying to improve them, I chose to keep them as like archival sketches instead.

The Raditz one is related to an au I haven’t drawn yet but it’s basically an au where he lives and decides to change for goku (as he’s the only family he’s got left), in the meantime he enjoys the time he spends with his nephew but don’t let chichi find out he was left alone with him. She’s still mad about his kidnapping and takes a longer time accepting him.

Monster high bc I loved Toralei when I was younger and I know nothing about Clair but loved her design when I came across it. I drew them together after watching some clips of her and thought they’d get along if they ever met. I’ve been wanting to draw HooDude VooDoo because he’s adorable and deserves to be loved, but don’t hold me to it I’ll prolly never get to it.

Grell and Will bc 13yr old me could always sense their weird dynamic and I wanted to make something where Will reciprocates. I also had a huge crush on him but didn’t mind sharing him or was bothered at the thought of Grell with him😔🎀I was originally gonna draw Grell with her iconic short hair but when I made this it was rly hard and I got frustrated and gave up and gave her long hair instead. I also had the fattest crush on short hair Grell…..maybe it’s the glasses with the two💀😔���

Ballroom/cruel god/trolls are unrelated and sketches I made when I was bored and had rly good ideas but I didn’t end up going through with them in the end. I love Jeremy and Marjorie.😭💖

Lastly the Eren and Armin. Idk, I made this with the context of some fics I read at the time. A lot of them had to do with Armin’s struggle to understand Eren and Mikasa’s decision to keep him alive and he ends up hating Eren to some degree. It’s a bit hard to explain exactly what I was going for since the fics had context for it. I just wanted to interpret Armin’s resentment towards him and attempting to harm Eren in some way(but his younger version) in order to keep him from becoming his s4 version. Like time travel stuff but not rly, it’s all in his mind and the only way he can keep himself from having a violent outburst towards him.

Ik I’m a yapper and that no one is probably going to read all this but I always like to provide context for my drawings, even if they seem convoluted, I literally cannot bring myself to just post something without context. I need to yap about my fixations and what I based it off or I’ll go insane.

[for-a-longlongtime]

Tomorrow I've got an observation/trial day with a labor org to canvass until the election! It'd be my first proper salaried job in a few years (and since I got my work permit/green card) and I can't even tell you how much I need that income. I'll have to Uber to the office daily, which really sucks (but I try to remind myself that with that income I'll be able to pay for driving lessons and get my license). I'm really hoping that at least in evenings I'll be able to get a ride back home with some people who work there... fingers crossed.

In the meantime, I'll continue applying for fulltime jobs in my field - which is stressing me out a bit, ngl. I hope that all the walking for the canvassing job will help me process that anxiety a little, because I just haven't been able to get myself to exercise beyond walking the dog.

Unsurprisingly, I'm pretty behind on everything online especially because I haven't been in the best place mentally these past weeks. So pls consider this me kissing all of you, just because you're awesome and for putting out great Kinktober stuff that I haven't been able to read yet, or bc I still need to catch up on your lovely comments/reblogs, or respond to DMs.

Also I can't believe how many of y'all ended up reading/responding to Little Beast 😭 I was certain that'd be too niche even compared to my usual stuff, so it really made me emotional to see people liking it!

on a final note: if you are strapped for money/currently not employed - and are able-bodied enough to do a lot of walking - check Indeed etc for 'canvas' or 'election' jobs. Depending on where you live (I'm in a Midwest battleground state), there's a good chance that progressive groups are doing quick hires to get more people to knock on doors... e.g. local Democrats, Planned Parenthood, labor orgs. Just wanted to mention it in case this may help someone!

[grailknightmonty]

it starts and ends in a garden.

i keep coming back to the good omens mianite AU so have a funky little illustration :] I just. I just love them a lot

Ref + what story I've thought about below the cut!

(Spoilers for Good Omens S1 and S2 ahead, be wary if you haven't watched and wanna get into it without prior knowledge)

At its core, this AU is basically good omens but with the cast of Mianite, with a few revisions to tie it a little into the mcytverse (while also not like compromising the integrity of the show version of the story) I got inspired by AdamMonter's AU and decided I wanted to give it a go myself after i watched S2 and reawakened my fixation :D

Jordan is this universes Aziraphale- the angel stationed to guard Eden and look out for humans (intended to instill in them the ways of goodness through righteous balance and justice in the name of the High Goddess) - and Tom is Crowley, or the snake in within the Garden, sent up to cause chaos and tempt humans towards evil shenanigans in the name of Dianite, or the devil in this case. They stand on two opposing sides of whats meant to be an all out war between Heaven (under Ianite) and Hell (by Dianite) on whether Ianites form of order (borrowing this from Aitheaca) or chaos will reign supreme- or basically the big ol apocalypse. I made Mianite the Metatron because idk what else to do with him mianite im sorry i didnt wanna make ianite the metatron if i swapped it even though it would make more sense for mia and dia to be fighting SOBS

Tom n Jordan grow close over their centuries on Earth together that when everythings meant to go down and destroy the world they've made their own, they fight to stop the apocalypse from happening, and by the end of it, are subsequently punished by their respective sides- only to not be affected and left alone when they seem to have absorbed the powers of the other (no one seems to realize they can swap bodies). Series 2 follows what they uncover by the end of it a plot to restart armageddon, in which they want Jordan to take over as the head of it after the former champion/supreme archangel is ousted for disagreeing- and had shown up with a non-existent memory nonexistent at Jordan's.

(im switching to list im done with prose xD)

Jordan runs an antique shop instead of a bookshop, he seems like he'd be more into little trinkets and old school machines, stuff he could tinker with. its still got that certain charm to it though

Capsize is Nina from the coffee shop (give me coffee or give me death seems like a thing Capsize would name something) and Sonja is Maggie who runs a record shop. aka the lesbians from across the street you know what I am

For something hilarious Tubbo is the Antichrist, aka the child meant to start and lead the War (leaving it as is bc its funny but not the literal antichrist) He's meant to join a government family to put him in a place of power, but due to a mix up ends up with an In the meantime, Tom and Jordan act as godfathers to the other child (who they assume is the antichrist, it would be funny to make this Crumb or something) in hopes that influencing them to good/evil respectively would neutralize them out- only to eventually realize its the wrong kid

Wag is Anathema, the descendent of a prophetic wizard who was scrutinized for their foresight and becomes the carrier of those prophecies (for my sanity ive chosen to get rid of the Newt-Anathema romance thing idk it. it just aaaa and turn into wag and his bros aka FyreUK tryin to use what they know to stop the apocalypse from their end)

Angels are Ianitees (save for Capsize), and Demons are Dianitees. Ive gone back n forth with who would be who and I still have no answer so. all I'll say is that Andor is Muriel thats all thats important /j C:

The other option was to make Satan the Darkness/World Historian and Dianite is the Lord of Hell (Beelzebub) with Mot as Gabriel but do i look like I know? idk do we need ineffable bureaucracy i could always alter that a little too... idk

tubbo as the child of the world historian who wouldve thought… edit what if like carrier of the darkness

anyway thats all enjoy this nonsense ;)

and screenshot I referenced for the drawing! I know its low qual dont worry about it i just needed to see where the trees were so i knew how many to paint LMAO

[wind-up-thancred]

Hey I saw ur Thancred face mod and wanted to say…thank you so much!!!! And I miss his old face 🥺 do you think it’s possible to ever get it back? I’m tempted to learn modding just to fix up my boy bc they really massacred him 💀

hi anon! im glad you like the mod. yeah i dont blame you for missing the old face lol, i took one look at it in textools when the patch dropped and went "wtf did they do to my boy... 😢" i think it depends on what you mean by "getting his old face back":

-if you want to start with the 7.0 base face, you could probably open it up in blender next to his old face and use the sculpt tool to physically sculpt his mesh to be closer to what it used to be, but i think past the lips there isn't too much else on the actual geometry to change— maybe his nose and jawline? but to me it feels like a lot of the change also happened to his normal maps, which are the textures that add extra shading detail and volume to the face. the old textures cant be ported over because the new mesh isn't laid out for them, buuuut im aware of a tool being developed currently in the ffxiv loose texture compiler for automatically transforming the old textures to match the new mesh layout. will that work for thancred's unique face? i'm not sure, but it could be worth a try— im fairly certain his unique sculpt is an edited version of one of the male midlander faces, so once that specific face is supported in the tool, it might work. if not, you can always manually adjust the new normal map while referencing the other one. -if you want to start with the OLD 6.58 base face, i believe there is a blender script going around (i saw it in the textools discord last iirc?) for converting old face sculpts to new ones. this is necessary because the new faces have QUITE a few new bones in them that need to be rigged, or else the face will not animate. from there, you MIGHT have to convert some of the old textures as well, but i'm not 100% sure, i think it depends on how well they work at baseline for 7.0. i know there's still a legacy skin shader in the game for older faces since not all of them have been updated yet, so you might be able to switch it to that so that the old textures still work. if that sounds like A Lot, uh... i dont blame you 😅ive been learning xiv modding for about two years ish now so ive got a lil bit of know-how under my belt, but if you want somewhere good to start, i would recommend joining the textools discord, there are multiple channels there for people to ask questions about how modding works, how to mod specific things, lots of tutorials, etc, and im sure therell be something in there to help you along. buuuuut in the meantime, i HAVE seen two other existing mods so far on XMA that do both of the things i mentioned before: https://www.xivmodarchive.com/modid/109670 this one seems to be a very good version of the first fix, where they went in and sculpted his new 7.0 face to be closer to the old one to a higher extent than i did, with his lips, jaw, and nose tweaked. it doesnt have heterochromia or scruff like mine does but i think you should theoretically be able to do that easily— feel free to send another ask if you want me to explain how i did it on my mod. https://www.xivmodarchive.com/modid/109665 this one, meanwhile, is the second fix— they ported the old face model over the new one. it has stubble and no heterochromia but again, if you want to change either of those, id be happy to explain how i did it. i have not tested either of these myself so i have no clue how well these work in-game but im sure they work fine!! i hope either of those help you out and if not i wish you good luck on your modding journey.... esp learning blender ^^" its a pain in the ass at first but trust me it feels really really good once youve figured stuff out!

[bagelrites]

Okok take two. Skeppy being sweet and finally admitting that Rat is cute, but only bc he thinks Bad is busy somewhere else. So Bad is just staying quiet listening to Skeppy being all sweet with Rat before Skeppy starts confiding in her about what he really thinks about her dad

this is soooo cute thank you for the idea 🙏

After the excitement of their meet-up stream was over, Bad shuffled off to the bathroom—in part because he’d been holding it for a couple hours, and in part because he needed to take a breather. It was a lot, being in-person with Skeppy. Not that he didn’t like it, but he found he needed a break every couple of hours to just silently scream to himself about how insane it was to finally see him in person.

He didn’t realize he’d left Skeppy alone with Rat until he had finished up his business and started heading back towards the living room of the AirBnB he’d rented. Skeppy didn’t seem to notice him, sitting on the couch facing away from the hall, Rat in his lap, wagging her tail as he scratched her behind the ears.

“You are so cute, yes you are,” Skeppy cooed, and Bad put a hand on his heart. It was so nice to see them getting along.

“Yeah… just like your dad, huh?” Skeppy said a little softer, then giggled as Rat licked his face.

Bad held himself very still. What had Skeppy just said? Was he hearing things, or was he actually…?

“Bad is so cute, oh my gosh,” Skeppy said, burying his head into Rat’s fluff. “I can hardly handle it. It was one thing online, but in real life? I feel like my heart is gonna explode.”

Rat barked, and Skeppy laughed again, picking his head up so he could keep petting her.

“Heh, sorry. Usually I tell Rocco this stuff. He’s a good listener,” Skeppy said. “He knows all about my stupid crush.”

Skeppy sighed wistfully, and Bad felt like his head was spinning. Did Skeppy really just say crush? 

“Does he ever talk about me, Lucy?” Skeppy asked. “Does he… you know? I hope he does. I really hope he does.”

Bad opened his mouth, momentarily feeling compelled to respond—to tell him yes—but then his cheeks flushed and his nerves got the better of him, and he slunk back into the hall, taking a few deep breaths to steady himself. He wasn’t supposed to hear that. He didn’t want to embarrass Skeppy, nor did he want things to move so fast when they’d only just met.

He could ask him about it soon. He could tell him he felt the same on their own schedule.

And in the meantime, he could hold that stolen confession close to his heart and cherish Skeppy’s words for the warmth they brought him.

[brb-on-a-quest]

The Toxic relationship between America and England As Told by Me Which Will Have Many Questionable Oversimplifications Due To the Lack of Time I Currently Have Before My Last Final Paper For A Different Class is Due: a story told by me. Tagging @igotthisaccountunderduress bc she asked for this specifically and now must suffer the consequences

Source: My history notes and a chat where I have infodumped all this to my best friend who has somehow still put up with all of my ramblings. If people would like I can and will make a series out of this with more actual research because Damn History is so much more interesting when it's not for the grade and stress and finals (like I love the tea, love the reciepts, but to memorize all of it on top of other things? *stress ensues*

((Under cut))

There was a war. There have been many wars. But during this period of like literally forever ago England, Spain, and France really just couldn't stop bickering at each other like siblings. This became more problematic when Spain started getting Colonies in this New World after the whole Christopher Columbus shenanigans (Fun fact: Isabel and Ferdinand really only sponsored like 20% or 30% of Columbus' original costs; Columbus still had to like find the other major chunk of it through sponsorships and donations). But anyway Columbus Task Failed Successfully and discovers Not India/Spice Islands but ~a whole new world~ (so many more shenanigans with that Columbus had to straight up lie to his crew multiple times to stop mutinies from happening I want to read his diaries at some point bc the more things I hear the more intrigued I get). But anyway Spain gets a lot of shiny new income in plenty of resources, spices, diseases, tomatoes, chocolate, etc.

England and France get jealous. France is like "omg I want some" and they go to Not The Spice Islands via the fabled "Northwest Passage" and get to canada and make bank off fur trading. England however in true Chaotic Sibling Fashion originally goes "why would I need to go over to America when I can just steal from France and Spain"

and thus PIRACYYYYYYY yo ho ho ho and a bottle of rum for meeeee

Spain and France are (unsurprisingly) Not Cool with this whole "sharing is caring" attitude of England and again more wars start. England in the meantime decides it wants to get its stuff together and allows the prototypes of corporations called Joint Stock Companies (basically a bunch of people would share the risks and the reward of running a business) that lead to the Virginia Colony. There were also people who were cashing in royal debts in exchange for land in the new world (the Calverts who started Maryland who wanted to Bring Back The Feudal system and that went so well for them *cough cough*/sarcasm) and a bunch of people who wanted to ability to Practice Their Religion Better than Other People (there was religious persecution when Queen Elizabeth was reigning during the Great Migration of people to America but from my understanding it was more like she didn't care what you did if you were loyal to England but also that is literally only from my professor and I have heard conflicting stories with other professors soooooo take this with a heavy grain of salt).

Anyway now with income coming in from the Americas both Spain and France and England are doing relatively well for themselves. And then guess what happens. Ah yes, more jealous and fighting. In this case, it's over the Ohio Valley Area because both countries wanted to expand their holdings in the new World. Basically this area touched Canada and France is like "C’est à moi" and England's like "GET YOUR TOASTY BAGUETTES AWAY FROM MY LAND" This leads to what we call here the French and Indian War (also called the Seven Years War in Europe I think, a lot of wars have American Names vs European names). Despite being called "The French and Indian War" here, it was fought by England and their Indian Allies and French and their Indian allies. England wins but at what cost?

The cost is money. It's always money. Now everyone has super heavy debt as a sum of like four(five?) wars that are fought in this period of time. England is now trying to raise funds to help get themselves out of the mess they put themselves into. Their solution: make America Pay Rent. Kind of a "we fought this war for *you* actually now give us money for it.

Note: they were only trying to raise part of the money for it via Direct Taxes which are taxes added on top of the price (which btdubs they were paying taxes to England already they were pay just English Version of Taxes which are built into the price so you don't know how much if it is taxes. They were fine with that. They just didn't want extra taxes. So this made them reevaluate their whole relationship with England. It didn't also help that England was starting to revoke some of the major perks like support past the appalachian mountain range, and among other things).

this tulmultuous period can be summed up with (an overgeneralization):

England: *tries to control America over much by being like 'you have to pay taxes on this this and this*

America: fine *just doesn't buy anything from England period until England recants and is like fine you don't have to pay this tax*

England: *plays the jealous girlfriend card* "you can only trade with England!!! No one else!!!

America, the two-timer: *increases smuggling* Also radical terrorists//the sons of liberty start crying for independence (Takes a Long Time For anyone to Listen to them Because Why Would They Rebellion is a stupid idea)

The East India Company thing was such a whole thing that kinda highlights this to an extreme. East India Company was part of the joint stock company that was about to go under because they had taken loans from like literally almost every bank in England. Which if they failed would be REALLY bad news for England. So in an attempt to lower cost, England told East India company that they could bring their tea from india to America directly instead of having to go through british ports as was custom. America took one look at the now So much Cheaper Tea and was like "mmmm sus" and didn't buy it in favor of dutch tea so RIP east India Company. Also Terrorist Group from before burned several of the ships while being disguised as Indians (no one was buying it) and that's what we call the boston tea party. England shut down Boston as they should and basically war ideas were spreading really quickly through new england and further onward (south was less so but they came around).

Anyway. I realize this comes off as very-anti American and it's really not meant to be, both countries were really annoying to each other throughout this whole process. But yeh then theirs gunshots and a declaration of independence and then we barely win by the skin of our teeth (that's mainly bc british merchants were like stop this we can't make money if you're fighting with our best customers at the end) and things get only stranger from there. First modern Democratic Republic so things were bound to get...very wonky.

[lastoneout]

Neurology appointment was once again a mixed bag. Long story short I actually have occipital neuralgia, not regular migraines, but she didn't actually give me any treatment options and just told me to lose more weight. Full rant under the cut.

But yeah she looked at my CT scan and said she doesn't see any signs that my intracranial hypertension is being caused by my cervical spine alignment compressing anything, which is kinda a bummer bcs thats what I hoped was going on, but alas I guess I will have to continue to pray something gives and we can figure out what's causing it bcs despite being on a very high dose of the medication used to treat the condition for like 4 years and losing 20lbs nothing has gotten better or worse.

Aside from that it does seem like I probably don't actually have generic migraines, I have occipital neuralgia. Which would explain why all of the different migraine medications I'm on have done fuck all to actually help and why my migraine-like symptoms don't 100% line up with typical migraines(no auras, very little sound sensitivity/moderate light sensitivity, they last for days if not weeks, are extremely resistaint to treatment, even when they do respond half the time they just come back within a few days or so, I don't have any noticeable triggers aside from lack of sleep, ect.).

The only problem with that is I can't get another nerve block bcs of the steroid issue, and when I asked her what my other treatment options were she just said "well do it without the steroids then" and didn't let me get a word in edgewise about how my pain doctor said he wouldn't do it without steroids and I know just the lidocaine will wear off within 3-4 hours anyway so how would that help outside of diagnostics(which I no longer need) BUT she did refer me back to my previous pain clinic so I am simply going to ask them to help with this bcs they have a great track record of actually finding alternative treatments for my pain when the usual stuff isn't an option. But still, it's so fucking annoying bcs I did a LOT of research about this once the nerve block worked and there are TONS of other fucking treatments. Just...such bullshit.

Sadly she also told me to lose more weight, bcs she's super convinced me being under 130lbs will magically fix my hypertension despite the fact that I've done my research and about 10-15% of your body mass is the recommended ammount to lose that apparently sends it into remission in almost every case, but I've lost about that much and it didn't do anything at all. So like, idk ma'am I don't think knocking another 3lbs off is going to do jack shit, but whatever I guess.

I'm seeing my primary in a few weeks and at this point I'm demanding a new neurologist. But in the meantime I at least never have to see that fucking pain specialist again and instead can go back to my old one that didn't suck and I'll count that as a win.

[overdevelopedglasses]

Sunday Six time!

My Sunday is very hectic today, hence the early post, and I was worried I wouldn't have much to share bc of finals week, but a 4 hour road trip pulled through!

A lot of fics got released this week by the conglomerate (including mine!), and I need to read them (only got to 2, iirc) but I'm sure they're all great!

Speaking of, the usual peeps are getting tags: @carbonatedcalcium @fire-tempers-steel @passthroughtime @woundedheartwithin @mike----wazowski @four-white-trees and @skysquid22

If you see this, you write RGG stuff (or even if you don't!) + you want to be included, tag me in your post and I'll throw you in the tags next week!

Got some more Survive!Mine food for all of you guys (hey @lordichamo come see your son), with a fun annoucement: it's a multi-chaptered fic now! (My first one too oh good god) Either all chapters will (essentially) release at once this week, or they'll come out day by day. One of the two.

With that, here's a bit from Chapter 1!

--------------

Using the differing pieces of furniture strewn at various points of the room, Mine makes his way to the large yet still pretty empty closet. He puts on a faded maroon shirt, buttoning the buttons one by one, and grabs a sky blue tie. It would be a bit too bright of a shade for him to enjoy normally, but he's grown to like it. He slips on a pair of jeans that aren't too tight, a black vest, and slides his black sneakers on. He shuffles to the door, grabbing his support canes and descends down the stairs.

He rounds the corner and enters the main space of Survive proper. Kashiwagi waves at him from behind the bar. 

“You really should try the hair-down look one day. I think it'd suit you, and it'd help to change things up once in a while.”

Mine blows a strand of said hair out of his face in lieu of a vocal response. He had been meaning to get his hair cut, but he wasn't in the state to get to the hair salon, nor did either of them own a vehicle.

“Maybe one day. I'm going to get cleaned up in the meantime.”

Kashiwagi chuckles at his response.

“Suit yourself. Don't trip on your way there.”