#(it is obviously more complicated than this but i digress)

[thisisvoided]

its weird being a person who very easily understands themes n ideas and creators choices wrt their games/movies/books or whatever and then seeing other people go "but i didnt like that they didnt do [insert thing here that goes against the entire point of that theme/event in the thing, which is obviously why they didnt do it]. like wow. even when theres obvious text and its right in front of you? thats crazy, dawg. anyways--

[joejhang]

fanon neil vs canon neil

god i am so FUCKING done with the aftg fandom mischaracterising neil i'm literally writing fucking ESSAYS about it and pacing circles muttering about it under my breath it's driving me up the goddamn wall so i am going to word vomit brain dump yap about all of it in an incoherent tumblr text post. spoilers ahead continue at ur own risk

i've said it before and i'll say it again I HATE FANON NEIL. istg this fandom LOVES to mischaracterise neil and ykw i think i know why. they take the smallest most unnoticeable parts of his personality and then exaggerate them to disproportionate and unrealistic levels in order for him to fit their idea of a conventional, stereotypical and desirable main character. they smooth out his jagged edges and prick at his "insecurities" to make him more likeable, more acceptable and more conventional of a narrator/main character and in doing so erase so fucking much of his personality and draw as a character that he loses just about all of the flavour that made me love him in canon. and also especially within the andreil dynamic this fucking fandom just loves to tweak neil's character until he's basically unrecognisable just so they can cram andreil into some preconceived socially acceptable clichéd ship dynamic. because andrew is perceived as the typical mysterious, moody and grumpy love interest therefore neil just has to be the sunshiney smiley blushing cute softboy in exchange. yeah because all gay ships have to be grumpy-sunshine and black cat-golden retriever dynamic. i raise you: andreil's dynamic doesn't work because of their differences it works because of their similarities. if u think about it andrew and neil are honestly very similar people in the way they think and process emotions and events and that's what allows them to connect and understand each other. andreil would not work if neil was super sunshiney and a blushy soft mess and andrew was the stoic, never smiling, unemotional stone of a guy the fandom loves to make them. just accept they do not fit into the conventional boxes laid out by booktok for what gay ships look like. i fucking digress.

neil is also just insanely mischaracterised on his own. people love making him very jittery and insanely oblivious and easily flustered with a generous serving of self-esteem issues. i hate to break it to you guys: neil josten is not insecure. i don't think there's a single instant in the series where neil is actually insecure about anything. as a narrator, person and character, neil is very realistic, pragmatic and logical. ruthlessly so. i'd say on this, neil is even more cerebral and unemotional than andrew is. neil is very straightforward and realistic abt himself in his narration and i'd honestly say his opinion and views about himself are one of the only things in the story that isn't affected by his narrator bias. if neil is anything, it's self-aware. i'm now going to present all my fucking evidence.

neil doesn't have a sexuality crisis. literally in the entire series never once does he even question his fucking sexuality. it's implied he's already figured out he's aspec/demisexual from the moment nicky questions him about his sexuality. neil says "i don't swing" and follows up in his narration: it wasn't quite the truth, but it was close enough. and later when he starts his relationship with andrew he doesn't ever question the nature of his feelings towards andrew or even anyone else and is pretty clear about it when andrew breaches the topic: "kissing you doesn't make me look at them any differently" so yeah neil is pretty certain and aware of his sexuality.

neil isn't insecure about his appearance. i feel like this is gonna require a bit of work to explain but hear me out. it is mentioned several times that neil has a complicated relationship with his appearance because he looks so much like his father/abuser. this is obviously understandable; you wouldn't want to look into the mirror and see the man who gave u all ur scars. that being said, neil doesn't have a lot of strong emotions regarding his appearance. most of his feelings of panic tied to when r*ko dyed back his hair is because of how it would be a lot easier for his father to discover him now that he has his original colouring back. i'm also pretty sure neil knows that he's cute. like it's never explicitly stated but i've reread aftg maybe fifty times and trust me i can read between the lines. neil explicitly says that he has a "love-hate relationship with his reflection out of necessity" and while the "hate" part of that statement is obvious: he doesn't like that he resembles his father, i've sort of just accepted that the "love" part of it is that he knows he's kinda fine. it's not brought up by him at all bc neil as a person is not one to linger on people's appearances almost at all. i think the only people to get a decent amount of lines dedicated to their appearance in the narration are allison and andrew. but yeah i genuinely don't think neil thinks he's ugly or unattractive and he's probably definitely been told how cute he is by others enough that he doesn't harbour any delusions about how he looks. regarding his scars, he never expresses any insecurity towards them and how they look, he just doesn't like them on display understandably bc of how acutely they point to his past and childhood that he's trying to hide.

neil is actually very very confident in his own and other people's abilties. this is esp regarding exy. he knows he's good at the game. like he knows. the most distinct example i can think of for this point is when kevin tells neil that he was at castle evermore to try out for the perfect court when they were younger. neil doesn't even doubt for a fucking second that he would've made it onto the perfect court. never does. he skips over the second-guessing and doubt part and just straight up starts daydreaming about the future he could've had playing with kevin and r*ko. like that really got me bc it's easy to assume neil would be super unassuming and have low self-esteem but no like neil doesn't doubt for a fucking second that he deserves to be perfect court. it's just that he doesn't believe in r*ko's delusions enough to play along with it by the time he gets the tattoo. he's also insanely confident about the foxes and their abilities and also kevin by the end of the series. at the beginning he takes a pretty realistic vantage point and says that with the way things are, the foxes will never beat the ravens. but even with that pov he still has the gall to challenge r*ko on LIVE TV and i doubt he's lying when he declares so boldly to everyone that if the foxes were united they'd be an unstoppable force (and guess what he was fucking RIGHT). and by the end, when the foxes are united, he has no more room left for doubt at all. some guy tells neil to kick the ravens' asses and neil just replies with zero hesitation "that's the plan". like he's so fucking on board with it. and he never once doubts that kevin is the best striker in the game. like literally never. at first he considers r*ko and kevin on par with each other (possibly, it's never stated outright) but by the end he literally has no doubts when he says "kevin is the best striker" like goddamn the amount of confidence neil has is so underrated.

neil is a very unemotional narrator. it actually gets me all the time how logical and ruthlessly pragmatic neil's narration and inner monologue is. some of the only strong emotions portrayed in neil's narration are anger, irritation and occasionally grief, which is only ever triggered by major trauma-inducing events (e.g. dr*ke). almost all of his inner monologue is analytical and observing others and dissecting either other people or the situation he's in. and almost all of his decisions and actions are made based on impulse and instinct. neil is a very instinctive person. this is outright stated in the way he plays exy; in theory, he can't give u a lot, but in the heat of the moment he's at his best. this applies to practically all facets of neil's life. he never plans his moves or what he's gonna say (except like that one time when he planned out what half-truth he was gonna tell andrew post-columbia). he's super quick and on the ball and literally does whatever the fuck he wants at any given moment. he's also insanely good at compartmentalising. like it's difficult to explain but while his priorities are obv hilariously skewed, they're also very clear in his mind. things he considers unimportant he simply just doesn't think about. what others look like and what they think of him don't factor into his internal monologue or his thoughts at all he literally just files them away in the back of his mind until they do end up becoming useful or important to him. he barely comments on andrew's appearance at all until andrew becomes someone worth staring at and admiring for him. the only reason he describes allison and renee in the detail that he does is because it's important in understanding how and why he reacts to them the way he does. this man was literally about to lose his goddamn mind at the fall banquet but he specifically reserved his mental breakdown for after the banquet so he could spend his time roasting the fuck out of r*ko. bro fully locked in and was like "clock riko now break down later" and i respect it.

neil doesn't actually have a martyr complex. it's funny because almost all of aftg is him being the absolute fucking opposite of a martyr. he wilfully sticks around the foxes knowing he's putting himself and them in danger. he doesn't "sacrifice" himself until he's absolutely forced to by his father's people. by then, he's already told himself he can't and won't run and he's smart enough to know he'll never get away anyway. and going to evermore wasn't about self-sacrifice or martyrdom it was about protecting andrew and those two are pretty fucking different. he knew he was coming back from evermore and he knew that he wouldn't die there, despite all the shit he went through, so i don't think that can be counted as "self-sacrifice". he was doing what he had to do to protect andrew, the same as andrew would've done for neil or aaron or kevin or anyone else he'd sworn to protect. the kidnapping in baltimore was the culmination of neil's character arc, which isn't really about learning to be selfless and self-sacrificing, it's about learning to stand his ground and stop running. those things r crucially different: neil not running in baltimore wasn't about selflessness, it was about courage. yes, part of it was obviously inspired by the foxes and motivated by not wanting them to be hurt but i truly believe it ultimately was about neil learning to stand his own ground and make his own home and have it be something he's willing to die for. call it whatever u want honestly i just don't think neil is as much of a martyr/sacrificial lamb as the fandom makes him out to be.

[sporesgalaxy]

Pacific Rim isn't anti-nuclear in the same way Kaiju movies usually are. The resolution is facilitated by the detonation of a nuclear warhead and a nuclear reactor power core. So........what's up with that?

I mean, it's deeply American, obviously, but what else? Why does it not feel particularly pro-war in the same way, say, a typical MCU does? What does it mean that the Kaiju are prompted by human activity (carbon pollution "practically terraformed" Earth for the invading aliens), but are ultimately not a true manifestation of Nature's Wrath (not even from Earth)?

What arguments is Pacific Rim making in the place of the typical kaiju movie anti-nuclear-pollution, wrath-of-nature fare?

I stream-of-consciousness rambled about this for multiple paragraphs and don't feel like cleaning it up much. Basically: I think Pacific Rim is a commentary on the myriad problems with political responses to climate change over the years.

•••

So, in the Great American Kaiju Movie, two nuclear blasts save the day rather than creating all the problems. Despite the fact that at least one of those nuclear blasts still probably did a lot of collateral.... I do wish Pacific Rim had focused a bit more on collateral, and the environmental damage caused by both the Kaiju and, inevitably, the Jaeger project AND Wall of Peace. Food rations are mentioned once-- but surely metal and construction equiptment rationing must also be in place to allow for wall construction! I want my environmental messages shoved violently down the audience's throat, damnit! But I digress

I think an important detail to consider in the Kaiju/Nuclear discussion is how Mako and Raleigh's Jaeger's nuclear power generator is what really allowed them to save the world, multiple times.

The history of politics around nuclear power plants vs nuclear warhead production is interesting, especially in the typical kaiju movie thematic context of man carelessly abusing nature. The argument in defense of nuclear power plants is that, despite the need for extremely rigerous and long-term nuclear waste disposal considerations, there is a lower volume of waste created by nuclear power plants in relation to the energy provided by them, when compared to other modern methods of energy generation like coal power. So, in theory, nuclear energy could be a beneficial power source for minimizing environmental impact.

In the Kaiju movies I've seen, nuclear power is only ever addressed as an extension of the inherently unnatural and harmful abomination of the invention of.the nuclear warhead. It's understandable, the environmental devastation caused by radioactive pollution is massive, and its something a nuclear power plant is very capable of doing if enough goes wrong.

So, what do the Jaegers represent within this conversation? what does the Wall of Peace represent? Here's my thought: they represent (more) active versus passive solutions to the growing threat of climate change. Jaegers represent the way that active work against climate change is only funded as far as it is beneficial to the image of the government.

Yes, the Rift was found to be impossible to blow up with nukes, but it's pretty clear that the world governmemts were putting more money into the publically popular and flashy Jaeger program than they were putting into researching the increase in Kaiju frequency and a permanent solution to the issue. Because of the complicity the world fell into once Kaiju and Jaegers were Rock Stars, the root of the issue with Kaiju goes unadressed for an entire generation, in favor of defeating each Kaiju in impressive and propogand-izable ways.

Only once the problem becomes too big for the propoganda-friendly Jaegers to manage do the world governments start looking for alternate solutions, and the Wall is immediately shown to be too little too late. As soon as it stops being useful for propoganda, the government loses interest in truly solving the problem, and begins investing in moving itself inland and leaving poor coastal populations to die.

The kaiju are only able to be defeated in Pacific Rim because a group of people separate from the government comes together and searches for a solution to the root of the issue-- the Rift being open in the Pacific at all.

Nuclear power is therefore not posed as a solution to war against fellow humans, but is used as a solution to a collective human effort to fight the exponentially speeding destruction of the Earth. The Jaeger pilots and everyone else working in the resistance HAVE to be willing to do anything, willing to take drastic active measures, in order to stop the destruction of the Earth's climate. Yay :)

[severus-snaps]

i know we all enjoyed that screencap from hogwarts mystery where madam pomfrey lets slip that snape is needy when he gets a cold but like

maybe it's because he's feeling under the weather that his usual facade cracks. the illness is just a conduit, an excuse to be 'needy', because he finally has something he can blame for feeling bad - something specific that he can pinpoint, one he can share. without meaning to, without any intention or conscious awareness that it's what he's doing, he's seeking the comfort and sympathy he's always been starved for. what would it take to be considered needy, anyway? turning up repeatedly for potions from madam pomfrey, even though he could brew them himself? coughing/sniffing dramatically in the staffroom, sitting by the fire looking like death warmed up, and playing it up a little?

i'm not sure he'd get much, though. in the game, madam pomfrey tells people he's needy, which doesn't suggest sympathy and actually feels a bit mean, telling other people that. when he speaks to the students, he tells them to stop gawking at him with 'feigned pity', suggesting that's what he's used to:

getting back into 'canon' extrapolations from book characterisations, i expect that the other teachers would hardly be sympathetic... (i went on a bit of a ramble so have broken it down below)

mcgonagall mcgonagall is probably the professor suggested to be closest to snape, with their quidditch rivalry bordering a frenemy-style relationship - but she seems very old-school tough love/dismissal, the type to snap "just have a whisky/potion and get on with it"

dumbledore dumbledore might offer some kind words, but their relationship is... complicated. snape is, obviously, a brooding little bitch - he's not about to forget that dumbledore dismissed his wanting to die like it was nothing when lily died, so he's hardly going to think that dumbledore's sympathy is genuine

madam pomfrey i think madam pomfrey would be similarly no-nonsense to mcgonagall; she sees worse every day from kids' magic going wrong, the yearly disaster whenever harry is there, and quidditch injuries, and even when harry is injured i don't remember her being particularly comforting - she'd hardly have time for snape's theatrics.

hagrid weirdly, i think hagrid would be sympathetic - he always seems fairly nice about snape, probably because anyone dumbledore trusts is 1000% incredible in hagrid's book - but i doubt snape comes across hagrid that often outside of mealtimes (should they sit together) since hagrid lives outside the castle, unlike the rest of the staff (which seems a bit mean, on reflection - though maybe hagrid likes it because he prefers nature and his own space, and the freedom to do illegal activities like dragon rearing and breeding possibly illegal creatures, but i digress)

the others i doubt the other professors are close enough to snape to offer anything more than polite, surface-level sympathy for a coworker - and snape knows that.

if we want to get into little bit sad territory, imagine snape in the staffroom. there's a bug going around; everyone has had it at some stage. he leaves a tray of vials filled with pepperup/some other potion; people take them gratefully.

then he overhears sprout like "here filius, make a tea out of this and you'll be right as rain!", mcgonagall sharing her own whisky for a hot toddy with madame hooch when she gets a chesty cough, or the staff put together care packages to take down to hagrid's hut when he's ill.

snape isn't offered anything. the potions quickly run out.

he heads to the hospital wing to ask for another, because his brain fog and aching limbs and sinus pain mean he's firmly not in the mood to be bent over a cauldron to be making any more - and besides, he's made all of the potions for the hospital wing anyway - they're basically his to take. he made them especially for this bug going around. he's handed them out in the staffroom already. he's left them in the slytherin common room. he even took one to dumbledore's office.

but rather than offering anything, madam pomfrey shoos him away quickly, tells him to stop being such a bother - so he just traipses back to his own room, fully aware that nobody will gather leaves for a curative tea for him, he'll be receiving no care packages, no hot toddies, not even his own potions - and if he doesn't show at dinner, because he's tired and grumpy and aching and just wants to sleep, nobody will ask after him - because nobody cares

but yeah. snape, feeling under the weather and subconsciously seeking a little bit of care - and still not receiving any :(

[thechy-fychannel]

hi i am a chase adorer and as such would like to know your opinions on that weird little himbo

it is my belief that chase has/had a rather strong crush on house, probably influenced to a large degree by his severe case of the daddy issues (fawning subtype, in contrast to house's fighting subtype). i think that combining this with his lack of self-esteem (see: voluntarily working for house for ~7 years) would make him INCREDIBLY vulnerable to house asking him for sexual favors. like even if it was a joke i think chase would just kinda go for it and probably freak out house a little, but i digress. do you see my vision?

anyway my point is i am a chase lover and chouse shipper, do you have thoughts on my blorbo or my ship?

hi anon i'm so sorry it's taken me so long to get around to answering this!! honestly it took me a WHILE to put my thoughts together about chase bc I have a lot of em!!

first of all, chase is SUCH a weird little himbo, he's incredibly complicated and accomplished and tbh I feel like the show never took him seriously enough until the very end when they were setting him up to take over for house. there's something about that catholic guilt and the constant need to be the specialist boy in the whole world while NEVER succeeding at being treated like the specialist boy in the world that's just lick your fingers delicious when you break his character down. he's filled with so much need and desire and is any of it ever fulfilled? No. As are many such cases.

anon, I see your vision SO MUCH and it's exactly how I feel about them too. while I don't necessarily ship chouse in a positive sense, I also dig the very unhealthy dynamic they would have as this gross unbalanced hookup situationship where chase is like "🥺 he wouldn't keep propositioning me if he didn't actually like me, even if he won't admit it 🥺" and house is like "damn, he looks pretty on his knees, maybe i should follow him into the bathroom" alfjalfklakfld.

I was just rewatching clips from when chase's dad visits and house genuinely feels so bad for chase bc he sees the amount of hurt his dad caused him and he definitely sees a lot of himself and his own daddy issues there. (bonus points for house calling him "robert" in this soft way that I rly love) I could definitely see this being the catalyst for something happening between them, chase is sad and broody with those sad watery eyes and house has a real moment of vulnerability with him, says something nice to him and then tries to cover it up by saying something inappropriate. As a joke. Obviously. but chase takes it literally and makes a pass at him that house initially rejects, but then chase gets even more sad and embarrassed and house actually feels bad for the guy— that poor pathetic blond puppy with wet eyes and a pretty mouth... and he rolls his eyes and tells himself he "lets it happen" while being a very active participant in whatever comes next.

the first time could be written off just as two repressed men taking comfort in each other in a moment of father-induced vulnerability... but the rest of the times are definitely an unfortunate combination of chase's lack of self esteem and house's selfish, manipulative nature. chase is just so much prettier (and cheaper) than the male hookers available in the tri-state area and he's just as easy. chase isn't stupid by any means, he knows what house is looking for when his eyes drag up and down his figure and make some comment about his pretty lips or girlish waist or "chase in his little short shorts." but poor chase is just so eager, so hopeful, so romantic. he could easily convince himself that they have something deep and meaningful when it's really just bj's in the sleep lab or the very occasional late night booty call.

and house can be so gross about it too, especially when he learns that he can be gross and it doesn't deter chase— actively holding his job over him in such a teasing and casual way that chase convinces himself there's no way he'd ever get rid of me, look at the way he throws the threat around if I stopped giving him what he wants, it's all just a joke to him. And then house fires him :) and oh boy would chase have a meltdown and reevaluate his entire life bc what do you mean he's not house's special boy? he was supposed to be his special boy. but he isn't, and he never will be bc he's doomed to be daddy's little disappointment forever, just like house :)

[weena-mercator]

narumitsu fic recs - part 1

I've been putting together fic recs for a while, trying to sort things into different categories rather than just sharing one big post of stories that are all over the place in type, length, etc. - I've appreciated all the fic recs I've gotten on reddit and in nrmt discord servers, and wanted to compile things in such a way that it makes it easier for those who are interested in reading more fanfic! while I still have decent amount of fics bookmarked on my "to read" list, i have read a not insubstantial number this year (don't mind me just rolling into the fandom nearly 23 years late - actually I really liked AA when I first saw GG play in 2019, bought the game b/c of it - & I liked nrmt but something about JFA was the turning point for me to become just totally normal about them)

anyways, i digress...

I'll start off with my favorite contenders for long (more than 50K words) canon-compliant (or mostly canon-compliant fics) - some are more dramatic and some are more light-hearted

obviously since this is a recommendation list, I may make comments about how I feel about something with a fic that you don't agree with - I only say this to point out some of my thoughts regarding the fic, not to start a hc war... and I'm definitely not trying to say "this author is wrong" or anything like that, just pointing out my personal opinion

a long way to fall by prospectkiss

this is the first long fic I ever read for nrmt and I can't recommend it enough. Heads up that this fic is E - Taking place between T&T and AJ (handwavey give them more time in this time period than in canon), this is also a case fic that majorly ties in to the plot - you've got romantic tension, mutual pining, drama, angst and a great (and spicy) ending. word count: 78K POV: rotating between Phoenix and Miles why it’s a must read IMO: I admit I am partial to getting together fics that are pre-disbarment or very early 7YG, the PINING and build up is incredible and it’s very difficult to put down but especially once you get about halfway through, it will be hard to stop! I think I read this in only 2 sittings.

the long way home by griffonage

a fic that deserves SO much more love - it is so incredibly well-written and heart-wrenching. the very beginning covers major events of the first trilogy quickly while the majority of the story takes place during the 7YG. Phoenix is always right there for Edgeworth, but Edgeworth is pretty great at making terrible decisions -including running away from things he wants deep down- and that finally takes its toll on Phoenix, whose anger is very justified. Per the tags: ??? to friends?? to it's complicated to it's VERY complicated to... unsurprisingly this makes for a pretty angsty relationship & moments that make you just want to shake Miles (and Phoenix, but a lot more Miles). This is also an E fic FYI, as far as I remember that stuff is only short scenes in a few places as opposed to like, a whole chapter devoted to it. word count: 84K POV: Miles why it’s a must read IMO: there are multiple little case fics along the way that are interesting, this story truly made me sad I wasn’t also working and exploring in Europe, Trucy!!, the OCs are very well done, it’s a great character study of Miles, and writing wise, this is one of the most well-written stories I’ve ever read among fanfic and published novels written in my lifetime

trace (vestiges) by FaultyParagon

this fic is pretty well known, and while it may not rank quite as high for me now as it did when I first read it, I do regard it highly. I don't know how much editing/beta-reading happened for it, so my one little thing about it is that the grammar mistakes happened a little too frequently to gloss over, but still not terrible (I know we all write for free but with frequent or significant enough errors, I'm taken out of the world easily, maybe that's not a problem that affects the majority of readers, idk). A mostly filling in the gaps fic that takes place from AAPW to right before DD - it's not exactly a slow burn, but just because they manage to get together earlier rather than later doesn't mean they aren't going to encounter obstacles in their relationship. This fic is M - it sort of rides that line between M and E in my opinion, as the sex isn't very graphic but not just glossed over either. word count: 225K POV: Miles why it’s a must read IMO: touch-starved Miles, again, I’m partial to them getting together pre-disbarment, despite it not being exactly a slow burn it does have quite a build up, I really love seeing Miles have a lot personal growth, especially in regards to handling his emotions, during his “choose death” year and during 7YG as well as how he is there for Phoenix and Trucy during that time

turnabout feelings by ssygir

a 7YG fic where Edgeworth requests Phoenix's help to research trials by jury, bringing Phoenix and Trucy with him to Paris - where they unintentionally get caught up in a murder investigation, and Phoenix realizes his feelings for Edgeworth are definitely not platonic. While my personal view is that Phoenix has known he's been in love with Miles for a looooong time, I can appreciate a good fic where he's just now figuring that out. Some little things about Edgeworth's characterization feel off to me, but maybe that's just me. This fic is E, but that's pretty much limited to one chapter. one small note: this fic does have a follow up, but hasn't been updated in over a year (although the author has said they plan to finish it at least! so hope is not lost yet) word count: 76K POV: Phoenix why it’s a must read IMO: it’s an early 7YG getting together story, the case fic is fun, not a total sloooooow burn but definitely builds up, a good pick when you want a more lighthearted story with very little angst

dating for a turnabout by Mikomikono

technically set in that tiny window between AAI2 and Phoenix's disbarment, Miles asks Phoenix to join him to investigate a smuggling operation at a resort - except they find out that the event taking place at the resort is a couple's retreat, and the only way to have full access is to pose as one... oh and of course Larry happens to be there too. This one is a fun case fic with mutual pining, only one bed and a sprinkling of angst among some silliness and fluff - while I wish there was a little more to the ending, it was a very fun read, T rating. word count: almost 90K POV: rotating between Phoenix and Miles why it’s a must read IMO: the author has little profiles and evidence info for the case posted for each chapter, very fun! I’m picky about fake dating stories and I think this one does it very well, and again, I really like seeing pre-disbarment getting together - and they are pining fools here, it’s good stuff

chasing history by SlatedForAbandonment

post canon, Phoenix invites Miles to stay in his guest room while he's in LA working on his PhD. Some small notes on timeline - this is where it gets a little loose with canon compliance, although the author does note that in the tags - Edgeworth is already Chief Prosecutor but currently taking a leave of absence to work on his dissertation, but hasn't found permanent residence again yet, despite this being a few years post SOJ (at one point it is stated that Apollo is 28) - I also feel like a lot of Edgeworth's behavior/reactions are more fitting of trilogy era Edgeworth, or even early 7YG... all that being said, it is a super slow burn, well-written with fun dialogue and very sweet moments as well as a bit of angst. rating is T. word count: 68K POV: rotating between Phoenix and Miles why it’s a must read IMO: even though I feel like this story would more realistically take place much earlier in canon, you get a great slow burn with plenty of incredibly sweet moments along the way that just make you melt

the catch-up game by theacegrace

post canon, Trucy is on a year-long magic show tour and Phoenix is left feeling like everyone keeps moving on and leaving him behind, while also dealing with some realizations regarding one Miles Edgeworth. again, my personal take is that Phoenix would've realized this long before now, but this story is an interesting Phoenix character study and once you get about 3/4 through the story, the situation is very tense - it's hard to not read this whole thing, or at least the back half, in one sitting. rated T. word count: 66K POV: Phoenix why it’s a must read IMO: it’s always interesting to consider that prior to his disbarment, Phoenix was the more self-assured and bold one of the two when it came to matters of the heart, and then afterwards that essentially flips for a while - now Miles has gained a lot of confidence and gone through a lot of emotional growth (Phoenix starts to gain this back a lot after becoming a lawyer again, but he’s definitely not just back to trilogy-era Phoenix)

it would feel so good to make you mine by hi_its_ellis and lowbatteryhealth

post DD, this is an unusual slow burn - both Phoenix and Miles know they're in love with each other, but they've come to an unspoken agreement on how to handle this - there's a winner and a loser, and the "loser" is whoever cracks first. honestly, another fic where I just wanted to shake them until they came to their sense, but it's very fun and sweet, T rating. word count: 54K POV: various why it’s a must read IMO: it’s tagged idiots to usdiots LMAO, so many sweet moments among the aggravation - they are BOTH moron-sexual, your honor, and you’ll want to strangle them /affectionate…

a turnabout toast by ideny

summary by author: (after the events of AJ) an estranged Phoenix and Miles respond to a friendly challenge from an unexpected source: do three things each to fix your lives. this fic is technically the least canon compliant because we of course learn in DD (and this fic was written before the release of DD) that Phoenix and Miles did spend time together during his disbarment, at the very least in Europe helping Miles research. So this is a hell of an angsty read, worth it for the story-telling despite that it departs from canon in that way. Not rated, but I don't recall anything above T rating stuff happening in it. word count: 68K POV: rotating between Phoenix and Miles why it’s a must read IMO: damn they really go through it in this one, dealing with the aftermath of the events of AJ is very interesting, lots of angst but I feel compelled to tell you don’t worry, the ending will ease your pain

Obligatory recs:

legal partners by miggy

project: matchmakers by WingSongHalo

how to court a fool in under three months by snowyrunes

All 3 of these are post canon getting together fics, AND all 3 are told from various POVs, not just Phoenix and Miles - there's a reason they are some of the most well-known ones - PM is probably the most fluffy with the least angst (and has a very cute multi chapter follow up), followed by LP (has a fairly short E follow up) - HTCAFIUTM is the slowest burn (it also has a follow up that hasn't been updated since 2022... which stinks because it did leave off on a bit of a cliffhanger and I really wanna know what's going to happen lol)

I have yet to read the highly regarded canon-compliant long fics listed below, but they are on my to-read list!

you ever been in love? by hechima

saturation by tiedyed trickster *

indefensible by zombolouge *

a brief for the defense by Ophelia_Writes * (this has now been orphaned FYI)

turnabout dishwasher by zuzsenpai

*indicates that it has not been finished yet, possibly won't ever be

If you know of any other 50K+ canon-compliant fics that you'd highly recommend, please let me know!

my other posts will be for AUs, chapter fics shorter than 50K, one-shots (might have to divide those up by theme), probably a NSFW set as well if there's interest!

[txttletale]

This is not meant as a gotcha- and it's totally fair if the answer is 'idk' because it's not your responsibility to be the sole person who figures out all the kinks in the proposed idea, but if you already have thoughts on it I'm curious: you've mentioned a communal child-autonomy focused style of raising kids rather than nuclear family with stringent abusive "parental rights" and my only concern with that is healthcare. Kids don't understand why they have to get shots that hurt which keep them safe from polio, but because their parents are legally allowed to drag them to doctor offices and MAKE them sit there and get these shots, we almost eradicated polio entirely up until ableist anti-vaxx moms messed it up for everyone. But I digress.

I'm all for eroding parents rights which are used mainly for abuse. But what about dentistry, vaccines, life-saving surgeries, etc? It sucks that these are done through coercion and force, but that's the only way most 5 year olds will let it get done because these concepts are too complicated and long-term for most children to comprehend. Do you have any thoughts on a balance for that problem while still respecting children's autonomy more? Something closer to faith in community, blind trust to let them fill in cavities? I don't know that I'd agree with letting a kid stubbornly waste away because they can't understand wide-spread infection, in the name of autonomy, even though once someone does understand the concept I'm strangely okay with being sad but letting someone refuse to take care of that aspect of their own health without any forceful measures. I guess it's the knowledge gap that really gets me. For death with dignity you gotta have informed consent, which means the person has to truly understand the medical advice and treatment they're refusing, and many kids simply cannot do that. It's a wrench in the cogs of my understanding your ideas. Thoughts?

obviously i am very harshly skeptical of rhetoric that children need their autonomy violated 'for their own good' but obviously there are situations where, for example, extremely young children cannot feed themselves or locomote and are physically incapable of autonomy -- but i think this is where a family abolitionist view is most useful, because it prevents you from defaulting to 'family' as the solution -- strip all the cultural baggage from the institution of parenthood and you realise that when faced with the problem "sometimes, children cannot physically excercise autonomy, or might be too young to recognise their exercise of autonomy is harming others (e.g. vaccines)", it is actually an insane and silly solution to say "every child should have 1-2 designated Autonomy Violators, assigned at birth and for life, with no qualifications, training, etc".

[i-who-has-never-had-a-name]

I always think about how everyone who knows Kaz brekker, including the crows, negatively think of him as a coldhearted murderer who would do anything for money. Whenever a chapter is written in the perspective from someone who is not Kaz and Kaz gets on their nerves or seems disturbing or so they seem quick to think of him as his reputation: a murdered, a killer. And now I may be stupid for thinking this, but how many people has he actually killed, self-defense excluded? The cell member in the ice court and big bolliger comes to mind, but really other than that...

If we do want to talk about murderers we can talk about Matthias who belonged to one of the worst type of people there is disguised as warriors for a noble cause. Or Nina who was trained to be a ruthless soldier and was excited to participate in war as soon as possible, which includes killing people, even if it's for a "noble" cause. Inej has killed people too, but that's apparently okay because she feels guilty. Jesper has obviously killed. Wylan produces extremely dangerous bombs. Yet no one seems to think of themselves as murderers, but bc they are scared of Kaz (yes all of them to some extent) they think about everything people have said about him or how he talks about himself (bastard of the barrel, cruel, killer etc.)

I love all the characters and am quite fond of them, but it's important to acknowledge that all of them are also flawed. One of their flaws being their moral superiority in relation to Kaz. Even Inej tells us at the start that a lot of his reputation stems from rumors, yet she is afraid of him sometimes bc she doesn't know what rumors are true and which not (which really makes me question why she fell in love with Kaz, if it was bc he freed her and he's hot, after all she is a teenage girl, or some others reasons but that's anothwr discussion). Maybe I'm biased bc my favorite character is Kaz, but this really irks me. Time and time again he has proven that he wouldn't kill innocent civilians or children and what not. That what he and others say about himself isn't 100% a real reflection of who he is. Other than his provocative words (that he uses as a self-defense and really bc he's afraid of showing emotion, but also he just has a dry humor and a snarky personality) he isn't morally a lot worse than the other crows. The things I do find morally about him conflicting though are of course the things he has to do as a gang boss, like profiting off of gambling casinos and what not, but really he isn't responsible for the brutal capitalist system in Ketterdam and one might say that the want to become rich isn't a sin ("what a luxury to not want a luxury").

I like him for his morally grey compass and because he is a complex character but I don't think he receives as much compassion and care from the others as I think he should, but I digress. A lot of people are surprised that technically they won't stay friends, but I'm not. I have so much to say because this is such a complicated debate but I don't want to dig myself a deeper grave than already and maybe I have gotten some facts wrong. I'd love to hear more opinions.

[vividachromatic]

Meant To Stay The Worst - Pt. 5

Alastor x reader

Marriage ♡

Tags: ongoing, marriage, confessions / proposals, manipulation and toxic relationships, canon typical violence and language

((<- Pt. 4 - Pt. 6 ->))

*

After being together for about 8 months in total, the two of you started seriously planning your wedding together.

While things weren't going well in the world right now, it only brought the two of you even closer.

Alastor and you had been planning your future home together for quite some time now. While the complicated things... like electricity or heating systems were left to Alastor and your father, you spent much more time with Alastor's mother and even his friend Mimzy.

Alastor's mother in particular was extremely happy for you and her son and always invited you to excitedly talk about Alastor's childhood and showed you a few photographs of him as a child. You could tell that she already loved you really much and saw you as part of the family. Which was further proven with how she insisted you call her 'mother'.

What you appreciated the most though, was that you had much more time to spend on your art and thoughts, and for the first time in your life you weren't put down for it. In fact, Alastor genuinely made an effort to let you know how much he appreciated your mind, art and the way you think quite often.

He even talked about you and why he likes your art on his radio show.

You were plannig to have a small radio station for Alastor on your future property, too.

While he was obviously not perfect: he definitely had some fucked-up morals at the very least; you were almost completely sure of his loyalty towards you at this point, despite your trust issues.

He never gave you any reason to think he'd even look at another woman or man in a weird way. In fact, he even went out of his way to express his extreme dislike towards cheating and betrayal.

(He once recommended a book to you where the husband cheats on his wife and she murders him, cooks him and eats him in response-)

While you never planned to; you were extremely sure that if you were ever to make the mistake of betraying Alastor in that way, you would definitely not survive it. Obviously this would be an extremely red flag in like... every situation.

But since you never did plan on betraying him and you were sure of his loyalty because of it, you digressed

The two of you had an unspoken understanding between each other: one that would be seen as problematic by almost anyone else.

You supported each other in everything.

------------------

"Y/N, my love..." You looked into Alastor's eyes, who recited his wedding vows to you.

Your heart was beating louder and faster than it ever has and you tried holding back tears to not look like a pussy or ruin your fucking make-up (it was very expensive).

And Alastor looked at you with pure love in his eyes. Which touched you to your core, since even when it was just the two of you he had a hard time letting his mask slip completely. But now it did.

"I love you. And I'm beyond grateful, to have you in my life and to have you want me in yours. So thank you, for giving your heart to me. I promise I will treat it like the most precious thing I have ever received. And I promise I will spend my entire life to protect you and make you the happiest woman in the world. I love you. So thank you for choosing me, being with me, and taking my last name."

You tried blinking away your tears and cleared your throat, so your voice wouldn't break.

"Alastor, I... I love you. More than I ever thought I was capable to love anyone-" You paused for a second, suddenly forgetting the lines you prepared and your heart started beating even faster - you thought you were actually going into cardiac arrest for a moment.

"I- I.... I'll-" you gritted your teeth and cleared your throat again.

Okay, get your fucking shit together now, Y/N.

"I will always stay with you. Through life and death. And I promise I will always be by your side. Through health and sickness; even if the whole world was against you." You managed to somewhat stutter out the rest of your speech.

And eventhough you fucked up, Alastor seemed to be geniunely touched by your words and gently moved his hand to hold your cheek.

The officiant probably told Alastor he can kiss you now, but you weren’t completely sure - it was like there was only static in your head, sending you on the verge of passing out.

You only regained the full awareness of your surroundings again, when you felt Alastor press his lips on to yours while the audience in your wedding cheered.

Even your family was there and you had to admit, that even when most of them were assholes and didn't care about you, they at least knew how to behave in a social setting.

Your offical wedding went better than you thought it would, your father led you to 'give you away' to Alastor and also held a speech later on.

(Your brother did too, but it was way more embarrassing since he insisted on bringing up embarrassing childhood memories and mentioning how he thought you'd die alone over and over again.)

When the official ceremony was over you held an after party with only your closest friends and Alastor's mother.

That part of the day was even more enjoyable than the first one. With a lot of music and dancing and only your closest friends giving you heartfelt words and gifts.

On the wedding night both of you treated each other patiently and lovingly.

...

During your marriage you tried the houswife / cooking and cleaning part as best as you could.

Though the cooking part went badly most of the time and Alastor ended up cooking dinner anyway...

(Though you did pride yourself on the fact that eventhough you couldn't cook very well, you could make good sandwiches. And Alastor was at least polite enough to pretend like that was at least somewhat comparable. )

The cleaning part went a little better. Although you did tend to hyperfixate on certain parts and neglect others from time to time...

All in all both of you had a very happy marriage. You loved each other. Even after the 'honeymoon phase'.

You always had enough money and supported each other's hobbies, while following your own.

Your own drawings and writings changed to be of or inspired by Alastor. Which was something he noticed (because he sniffed around your stuff), although he never mentioned it to you. And it did inflate his ego even more than it already was.

At the same time you knew, that his 'hunting trips' weren't for hunting animals, at least 9 out of 10 times.

But you were already sure of that before you even married him.

And since his radio studio was right next to your house right now, you could spend most of your time together.

You knew when he was going out to kill someone.

In fact you sometimes almost casually, although subtly, chatted about it with each other.

Talking about another bad person who would be better off dead. And the next day they were.

You liked this way more than you should. And Alastor obviously did too, since a lot of your most passionate nights ignited right after one of his 'hunting trips'.

You watched him clean off blood when he came back and helped him doing so more than once.

Alastor also made a great deal out of showing you actual self-defense and teaching you how to shoot, in case he wasn't there.

After a couple of years, you talked about expanding your family and even trying for a child.

Until one day the police knocked on your door.

____________________________________________________

Tag list:

@cryptidghostgirl @adeadreader @yourdoorisunlocked @spirit-of-the-hollow @droopingdatura @reikamasama @over-the-little-blue-house @wonderlandangelsposts @mysterypotatoink

(♡♡ thanks sm for your support! Tell me if you want to be added or removed)

A/N: Thank you for reading :D

Next chapter will be here soon and angsty.

Btw, I think this should be obvious, but I still wanna say that actually marrying someone in these circumstances would be quite stupid. This is like the perfect set up for an abusive relationship. But! This is fictional, so I'm writing this in a way it just works out for the two of them.

+ my girls, my boys, my nonbinary friends!! If you want me to actually write out the smut pls tell me if u actually want that. Bc I can, but I'm not sure if ppl actually want that. So comment pls (or write anonymously in my inbox) I'm just gonna do whatever I wanna do otherwise obviously, but I'd like to hear feedback anyways lol.

(On this note: thanks to 🍷 anon for your message :D I appreciate it. I'm just not answering publicly to avoid spoilers in case I'm using one of your suggestions(: )

Also this is obv to 90% an Oc/self-insert, so don't kill me if it's not 100% neutral, just change it in your head or don't read idk.

[hamletthedane]

I’m a big Hamlet fan and I am curious as to what your favorite movie/for screen rendition is? I’ve been working my way through a lot of them, gone through about 7, so far Hamlet at Elsinore with Christopher Plummer is my favorite. I was just curious what yours is !

What a great question!!

Hamlet at Elsinore is definitely my favorite filmed version of the play. I feel that Christopher Plummer does a fantastic - and frankly critically underappreciated - job of portraying the more nuanced and complicated aspects of Hamlet's character while still giving a straightforward performance that's highly accessible to any audience. Notably, he doesn't treat the performance as his ~*~epic, defining role of a lifetime~*~ or ~high artistic theater~ (*cough* Branagh and Jacobi), but instead focuses on telling a deeply compelling, very moving story about the complex nature of grief and revenge. I also like that this version embraces the more "postmodern" elements that exist in the written text of Hamlet: the complicity of the audience, the inevitability of the outcome, Hamlet's genre-awareness and genre-defiance, etc.

[Not to keep hating on Branagh, but in contrast: Branagh's Hamlet in particular seems to go out of its way to avoid including the more interesting proto-postmodern thematic elements of the play - at times not seeming to recognize that they're even there. He instead focuses his time and energy on inserting new cinematography-based visual themes that go nowhere and at times stand in OPPOSITION to the actual tone and themes of the original text. Because apparently Hamlet the play is too boring and instead of lame elements like "themes" and "compelling characterization," we need a swinging chandelier sword fight scenes and Freudian weirdness. Truly the Joel Schumacher Phantom of the Opera adaptation of Shakespeare films. But I DIGRESS-)

Plus it doesn't hurt that everybody aside from Plummer in Hamlet at Elsinore is also fabulous. Obviously, Michael Caine's Horatio is the single best and most definitive version of the character in film, but I also love Robert Shaw's Claudius and Muller's Ophelia.

If we're talking favorite filmed versions of the STORY of Hamlet though, that's Asta Nielsen's silent film from 1921. It's so beautifully filmed and wonderfully told. She's what I picture when I picture Hamlet.

Other than that....I like Tennant and Stewarts' RSC filmed version well enough. It has a number of very strange choices and I don't love the re-ordering of the scenes, but Tennant does a great job with the character and I think it's a very approachable performance. A few other filmed stage versions are also excellent, though with a few similarly weird elements - I'd put Maxine Peake's version on the same tier as the RSC version. I do NOT like Branagh's version at all (if you couldn't already tell...). Jacobi's and Gibson's are slightly better, but they're still too focused on the prestige of the performance rather than the actual story being told imo. I think they fall under the same criticism as Holden Caulfield's scathing review of Laurence Olivier: "more like a general than a sad, screwed-up type guy." (Yes I know this line is an in-text authorial critique of Holden himself but also: he's right and he should say it.)

If you haven't already, I do highly recommend listening to the BBC Radio 4 audiodrama version of Hamlet, starring Jamie Parker. Despite being a audio version of a stage play, it somehow blows every filmed version of Hamlet (except maybe HAE) out of the water. I listen to it at least once a year.

Finally, my actual favorite versions of Hamlet have ALWAYS been those I've seen live (or seen bootleg filmed stage performances of lmao). If it's ever playing live near you, definitely go and see it. The play was meant to be seen on a live stage in front of you, and many of the jokes and themes only make sense in that context. In my opinion, the medium of live theater elevates the play so far beyond what a movie could ever achieve.

...sorry this answer is so long 😅 Really, it doesn't matter what my opinions on Hamlet films are. If any version of the play really speaks to you - even if it's the accursed Branagh version - that is so awesome and makes me really happy people are engaging with the play in that way! (But since you're saying that HAE is your favorite so far, I will add that you have excellent, discerning taste ;))

[curioushabitforarivergod]

What would've Tom eaten in the orphanage growing up? I love your history posts btw

hiya thanks you!! im sorry this took so long :((

It got a brief mention here, but I found a few new things so, this is kinda an update to a small paragraph I wrote there.

As I mentioned in the original post, food was served in a long dining hall with long tables, not dissimilar to the Great Hall but a lot less nice (no magical ceiling I'm afraid). Meals were generally alright, although largely vegetarian and bland.

Breakfast would've likely been something like gruel or bread with dripping. The probably weren't able to afford milk for a lot of children, although by the 50s children in schools in the East End (and over much of England I think) were given little jars of milk they ate with their school dinners. I'm not sure how far back this goes though, and whether something similar would've been given to the orphanage. I digress though, and I'll return to this in a moment.

Gruel, by all accounts, doesn't sound particularly nice because it was water and oats, but kids seemed to like bread with dripping, which was basically animal fat. It's vaguely unhealthy by todays standards, but it would've been a very important source of protein for Tom who likely didn't have anything else otherwise.

Now lunch gets a little complicated. Because of the way schools worked during the period, students could go home for lunch or bring their lunch to school. Alternatively, some schools provided free lunches to kids who wouldn't have anything otherwise, and I'm not quite sure whether this would've been a thing in the East End which were essentially slums. If Tom returned to the orphanage, I imagine something similar to breakfast would be served. Bread maybe, possibly dry or with a topping that was inexpensive and easy to mass produce, or gruel. Alternatively, kids would often bring potatoes with their name carved into it which schools would heat onsite in ovens. If Tom's school supplied food, it wouldn't be dissimilar to the type of food served at the orphanage, although perhaps, if there were benefactors, he would've had something a bit more fancy like a vegetable stew of some kind. Also, like I mentioned earlier, milk was given out to children, but I think this was more of a post-war thing because people were concerned with children's bone density. My mum can't stand milk to this day because they used to put them on the heaters and the milk would be warm by the time they were forced to drink it. My granny used to swap her milk with the boy who sat next to her because she also hated it.

The fourth option is that Tom simply went without food for lunch. Honestly, it wouldn't surprise me — during the 30s, the Great Depression was obviously a huge issue, more so for the people in the area who were largely living sustenance based lifestyles where there would be little or no money by the end of the day. Even with limited government funding during the era, feeding orphans who would never amount to much probably wasn't a key concern.

The thing is though, the way food was structured during this period was that there was typically only one cooked meal a day and that was a midday meal, confusingly called "dinner". So Tom's main meal might well have been this lunch and he might well have returned to the orphanage to have a vegetable stew instead of having a main meal later. I think it's up to personal headcannons at this point, so if you want to decide whether Tom's main meal was in the middle of the day or later, what it was or whether it existed at all, that's all on you.

Dinner, like I mentioned, might have been vegetable stew, but if the main meal was at midday rather than later (like it typically is nowadays, especially in Western countries), it wouldn't have been dissimilar to breakfast. Basically, bread and some kind of topping whether that be dripping, butter or jam (but not both butter and jam because that would be a waste).

Like I mentioned in answer to a similar question, Tom's diet would've been vegetarian because meat was insanely expensive. If he had it at all for Christmas or on Sundays during the 1920s, he wouldn't have had it once the 30s and the Great Depression hit. He also wouldn't have eaten fruit regularly, except perhaps Christmas as fruit like oranges or other citrus was a typical Christmas gift. I don't think Tom would've gotten much sweet food, unless he stole it (very likely) as lots of corner stores sold chocolate bars for half a penny. Alcohol was also particularly common in the area so I imagine if Tom had stayed, he would've stolen alcohol eventually.

[back-on-my-autistic-bullshit]

Full Moon Stolitz thoughts

Alright I'm getting on this shit because I am obsessed with Stolitz unironically. Before I start this I want to be absolutely clear that (in my opinion) there is no "right" side in the overall situation between Blitz and Stolas. Both equally have problems that contribute to their miscommunication and I can sympathise with both of them. If you disagree, feel free to ignore this post and scroll on, I don't mind friendly debate with people I know well but strangers on the internet are a different story.

I do generally project heavily onto Blitz which yeah probably impacts my interpretation of this a lot but I'm just a guy on tumblr I'm not here to be 100% right I'm just posing my take on their behaviours etc etc

Mandatory Disclaimer: spoilers start below! Do not click read more if you care about spoilers for The Full Moon episode of Helluva Boss

That all said, I'm splitting this into three parts:

Blitz's behaviour throughout the episode

Stolas' behaviour throughout the episode

Blitz and Stolas' confrontation/argument/interaction at the end of the episode

Part One: Blitz's behaviour

Starting off with "When I See Him", the basics of it (that is played up a bit for comedy and more or less directly stated really at the start) is that Blitz is obviously covering up how he really feels by concentrating entirely on the sex he anticipates having, and acting like that is what is important to him.

Are we okay? Can't really say I'm getting by By avoiding his questions It's so complicated, I hate when it's complicated Why do I always end up in situations that are complicated?

Blitz knows there is something wrong, or off, between the two of them but he'd rather not talk or communicate about it - literally preferring to avoid the topic entirely because "complicated" = bad, and he has no idea how to fix that, despite the fact that most of his relationships have been and/or are still complicated, he doesn't know how to deal with that because he never learnt. He's started to with Fizz a bit at the very least, but he's definitely not in a place to do that with romantic relationships yet - but I digress.

Here I go again, getting in my head So I'll focus on the sexy stuff instead

Not too much to say about this part other than he is actively choosing to disregard his anxieties and worries about him and Stolas by putting on this mask of caring about the sex and nothing else. Honestly, not a surprise with Blitz, this is pretty average behaviour and is very much likely a common coping mechanism of his to avoid serious feelings when engaging in relationships of a romantic nature. Especially since he seems to place a lot of value in himself in how good he is in bed.

When I see him, I'm gonna do that thing he likes No need to change things, I'll just bring the ropes and spikes[/spice*] We've got a nice arrangement And it's working out just fine We'll keep it light

Can't wait to lose ourselves in nasty sex And make that bird squawk We'll just stick with what makes sense

Same as above, he's going to what's familiar and directly deciding he'd rather ignore any issues they have and not talk about them in favour of doing what they normally do on full moons and call it a night.

*my audio processing disorder really did not like that line, and I cannot completely tell if that's right - any mistakes in lyrics or other quotes from the show before or after this are almost definitely because of this so please feel free to correct me.

Moving on from the song, some things Blitz does or says during the conversation with Moxxie and Loona in the office that stick out to me.

It's the full moon, I gotta meet up with Stolas tonight. Felt like dressing up a little since it's been a few months since I've been inside his feathered ass.

This is personally really interesting to me since he's not been known to dress up explicitly to see Stolas before (excluding the posts that have been seen on the instagram accounts but I'm hesitant to count those as 100% hard canon, and they were outfits of a different variety - not a bowtie and suspenders as he's seen wearing in the episode). It's like he's trying very hard to impress him for.. some reason? I'm guessing he sees it as part of his whole plan to really sort of wow Stolas, get in there, get out, no touchy feely stuff. It comes off as the opposite to me though, it shows that he kind of values what Stolas think of him and his appearance - and that he wants to impress Stolas. This could just be him trying to prove his worth to Stolas so he doesn't get cast aside, but it could also be more.

This facial expression is very important to me. It's a split second frame of vulnerability in response to Loona saying the following:

Oh shit, he's getting bored of you.

This is genuine worry and concern on his face, he tried to cover it up with a smile but he is concerned. And yes, it could just be about losing the book, it probably is in part but I think it's more than that.

Loona also says this:

Yeah, man. If someone wants to see you less and less, big red flag. If they give you chances to ditch, they probably want out themselves. Just wanna be more passive aggressive about it, dicks.

When she says this Blitz reacts very on the defensive, repeating what she said mockingly and saying this:

How do you know, Loona?

It's a very defensive reaction and I'd bet he feels at least a little bit bruised and hurt at the thought of Stolas getting "bored" of him - which probably does not help at all with how he's struggling with how he currently feels about Stolas between the agreement for the book and not seeing him in a while.

Immediately after this interaction, he literally leaves his job (which like, yeah, he is own his boss I Guess he can do that whenever he wants but I can't imagine he does it a lot, I Hope, unless he thinks it's important) and goes shopping for more things to impress Stolas. It's a lot of effort to put into someone you don't really super care about, all things considered but let's just go with the devil's advocate here that it's not to lose the book and it doesn't really mean anything. Although I do find his choice to look at candles first interesting, assuming it's not for something else (resident sex repulsed asexual is struggling with thinking about that kind of thing - despite watching helluva boss lmao), Stolas seems to like candles. If I remember correctly, he has some near his bath.

An interesting detail for Blitz to know/remember/take into account, for someone he allegedly does not care about. Anddd that's it for Blitz's scenes in this episode.

Part 2: Stolas' Behaviour

Like with Blitz, I'm gonna focus on how Stolas acts in "When I See Him" first, then move on to what we see of him alone in the rest of the episode (which there's very little of, I think, unfortunately).

The summary of what I think of Stolas in this song is he clearly has a somewhat fairytale view of his relationship with Blitz still (which is only emphasised by how the song is disney princess like in nature), thankfully he knows he has to let him be separate from the terms of their agreement and has found a way for this to occur without horribly impacting Blitz's business. However, he (at least, at first) seems to think after this happens everything will go fine and be perfectly okay and happily ever after, or more likely hopes that is how the situation will end up - but we see more of his worries later on so he's evidently not completely deluding himself.

My derring-do is half disguised Behind a smile

I don't have a lot to say about this just that it shows Stolas is obviously aware that Blitz is performing at least a little when he's with him.

I swore I wouldn't dwell on the divorce

This line just interests me more than anything, it's understandable that he doesn't want to think about the divorce. God knows I wouldn't want to, but's it intriguing to see he's attempting to distance himself from it - I hope we see more about this in the future episodes, maybe.

So for my own health I'll remind myself That when I see him I know that it won't feel so tough I'll believe him And not the voice that says I'm not enough No need for an arrangement It can just be him and me I'll see us free How perfect it could be When I see him tonight

This bit is very sweet honestly, Stolas clearly yearns to be closer to Blitz - and he's trying his best to facilitate that. He just wants genuine connection and love, something he couldn't experience in his marriage with Stella. Stolas is obviously nervous and has some self worth issues to say the least, but he deals with them differently to Blitz. In fact, he finds that being with Blitz helps combat these (likely because he feels loved and/or wanted by someone).

Unrelated to dissecting the episode and the like, the voice acting for this part was incredible and I love the way Stolas' VA (his name has slipped my mind atm) conveys emotion in his voice - even while singing. He sounds very hopeful, yet the cracks and wobbles suggest how nervous he feels for the interaction with Blitz, even if he's currently acting as if he thinks it will end well.

Oh god I'll fucking die alone if this goes bad tonight

This bit really just kind of shows how nervous he does feel about talking with Blitz about giving him the crystal. And that he is scared it'll go wrong, it's nothing too crazy.

The detail of him having none of the medication he takes left is interesting to me though, just that he's still taking it, I guess - could suggest he's still struggling with anxiety etc etc.

Am I doing something I can't take back? Would he want me if he was free? And if he's only here as a prisoner What kind of a monster does that make me

Stolas is clearly feeling a lot of guilt for his past treatment of Blitz, and fear that his feelings aren't reciprocated - but it seems like he's more scared that he's been taking advantage of Blitz, than the thought that Blitz doesn't like him.

My entire life's been written in stone He taught me that I could choose

Blitz is the first person he really chose to meet or associate with, as a child and as an adult. There was no obligation to know him or socialise with him, or to be his friend (or more). In fact, it was discouraged if anything but Stolas chose to do it anyway - and it helped him realise he could do what he wanted, and gain the confidence to do so.

Part 3: Blitz and Stolas' confrontation

Stolas' body language here kills me, he's so nervous for what he's about to do, and despite his hopeful song early he's eerily somber - as if he knows this will end badly.

Blitz looks so afraid here, he's gone through all of this effort to try to impress Stolas and keep him from getting "bored" of him. Part of this is probably because he doesn't want to lose the connection he and Stolas have but honestly it's largely probably the fear of losing the book and his business that he's worked so hard for. Blitz is an incredibly ambitious person, and he's put a lot of blood, sweat and tears (mostly blood) into I.M.P and to have it taken away because of someone else due to not being good enough for them is probably one of his worst fears.

Blitz's immediate switch to trying to seduce Stolas is slightly jarring, but not all that surprising considering how this whole thing started. Blitz is desperate, trying anything to prove to Stolas he's worth keeping around. Meanwhile Stolas looks resigned, as if realising it really was just a performance for Blitz the entire time.

Stolas, please, I- I need this book. Please, I need this book, Stolas. I will do anything.

The immediate switch to begging, mixed with tears, took me off guard honestly. I didn't expect to see him do that but it makes sense considering how badly he treasures I.M.P and he really is just at the whim of Stolas and it could all collapse at any given moment.

I don't understand, why are you giving me this? Am I not like, fucking you good enough? Because I can- I can always do better.

This being Blitz's immediate reaction to getting the crystal from Stolas is upsetting. I was on the verge of tears here, he can't even comprehend that Stolas might genuinely want to give him a gift, not because Blitz isn't good enough, but because Stolas wants him to be independent. Blitz has never viewed himself as "good enough" for people and he puts on a lot of performances to convince himself he's worthy of being associated with others. This probably feels like, to him, a convoluted way of "getting rid" of him, instead of giving him freedom so he and Stolas can interact with less of a power imbalance.

This in an interesting roleplay, never done this one but I can get into it. How's this? Oh, Stolas, I'll stay with you, I love you soo much.

Blitz's immediate response to Stolas' confession being one of disbelief leading him into thinking it's some sort of roleplay or pretense because he can't possibly believe that anyone would actually love him is honestly worse case scenario and probably where all of this starts going downhill.

I have my answer, Blitz. You needn't say anything. I have wanted you, for so long. The fact that you couldn't believe that I might have these feelings about you, that your first instinct is that it's always about... sex. That's enough to know what this is.

This right here, is terrible. Miserable, even. Communication is starting to break down, Stolas doesn't realise or understand Blitz's point of view and I certainly cannot blame him for getting upset but how these two are communicating yet somehow falling victim to miscommunication at the same time is impressive at this point. They're both getting emotional, and it's fucking everything up but to be fair no one can remain 100% logical, this is nerve wracking and stressful for them both.

What? Fuck you, Stolas. You spring this feelings bullshit on me, are you fucking kidding? Can I get a fucking minute to think after everything you've put me through, you pompous rich asshole? Treat me like one of your little butler imps, you can't just dismiss me like that! I mean, you royal fucks think you can do this every time, like you can just play with our feelings because we're smaller and not as important! Well, I'm not letting you, bitch! Let's go!

This, this is incredibly cathartic in a weird way. It's not good by any means but for Blitz these bitter feelings have probably been somewhat simmering beneath the surface for a while and he hasn't been able to express them because of the nature of his and Stolas' relationship. The way he's phrasing this makes me wonder if he has previous experience with a royal demon doing this to him outside of now, and Stolas' father hiring him to be Stolas' friend when he was a child. It wouldn't be too unreasonable but putting that aside for a moment. The anger and lashing out here is probably a defense mechanism on his part, every time something has got vulnerable or upsetting in the past in this show Blitz always seems to get angry (an example that comes to mind at the minute is when Cash was celebrating Fizz's birthday - at the time he didn't say anything to Fizz but he stormed off, angry. Another one could be probably a few of his interactions with Verosika. I'd have to rewatch the show to find something more particular). The point is Blitz lashes out instead of being open and vulnerable, he doesn't mean or genuinely think any of this - and immediately regrets it as soon as he says it. But it's too late, it's been said.

Stolas flinches or pauses when walking a handful of times during this rant from Blitz, each time whenever he has an insult. Before he has even said anything it's immensely clear Stolas is very hurt by this.

Blitz. I think so very highly of you, I didn't realise you think so low of me.

This is the regret I was talking about, it's probably helped along by Stolas admitting he thinks highly of Blitz but god - he is crushed. And he immediately tries to apologise but Stolas teleports him out of there before he can even process it, leaving us on a terrible cliffhanger.

God, it's a fucking mess. They're a mess I'm so scared for the next episode and how they are even going to fix this. Someone get these gay demons a therapist, please, I beg.

All in all, ow my feelings, this episode hurt, I did cry. Stolitz have mastered the art of miscommunication, but that is hardly news. Blitz seems to have got a genuine wake-up call, sort of similar to how he did with Fizz and I'm hoping that kickstarts something to help him improve, because he does need to. At the same time, Stolas has kinda fucked up here, and does need to give Blitz more time to process since I imagine this is very fucking shocking to him. It's all one biggggg mess and god knows how it'll work out but I'm looking forward to finding out and hopefully not having my heart ripped out and spat on by the end of this season.

[kinardsevan]

Think we will get a season 8 Christmas episode? Maybe something maybe Love Actually inspired?

welp, anon. I have a confession. I've never seen Love Actually.

Wow that feels better.

😂😂😂😂😂

Okay but seriously, though, I would LOVE a Christmas episode. I know I wrote a treatment up on this recently, but I have no idea where it's at now.

If we get one, I honestly imagine it being reflected on some level in relation to how Castle handed Caskett's first Christmas. Tommy is used to being alone, so he'll have agreed to work the Christmas shift, and of course Evan will be utterly disappointed because he's in love this Christmas, and it's not like it was with Taylor where they were fumbling around with each other. I think part of the whole thing with him and Tommy having it so easy is that they know what they want, both out of the relationship and from one another. So I expect that at some point during the season (preferably before this) that we will see Tommy have his moment where gets to tell Evan that he needs to watch himself on going Full Buck because he expects him to come home now. By correlation, this will be Evan's chance to give a response on the same level, that Tommy might be used to being on his own, but he's not anymore, and Evan is waiting at home for him. He loves him and wants to spend the holidays with his man. As much as we're all in love with them and want them to make it down the aisle quickly, I truly think Christmas would be the start of moving towards living together. Again, they don't have the kind of complications that Madney faced in their relationship, so I think when this decision is made, it'll be a move made far easier and quicker. (I honestly think that I love you will be a bigger deal for them than moving in together because saying I love you is a big step for them, given their upbringings/prior relationships). Another one of the reasons I can see this being something that happens in a Christmas episode is because in order for them to live together, I honestly see Buck giving up the loft and moving in with Tommy. As much as it's headcanon, it also makes sense with him being FAA certified, former military, etc., to own his own house, and he's not going to give up an actual slice of land for a lease on a loft. Further, I think Evan giving up the loft would also speak to the fact that he's not in the bachelor phase of his life anymore; he's ready to settle down. (I've seriously digressed here lol).

But now that I've googled Love Actually, I think that would be saved for them getting engaged (or buying a house together?). I can't see that being used for a Christmas episode that would be more inclined towards moving them into the same dwelling because it wouldn't pack the same punch. Because again, I see the Christmas episode really culminating in an ending similar to the end of the s5 one where they're all together, except then Evan splits off to go to Harbor and see Tommy. This is where they have their whole discussion where they talk about coming home to one another. I really like the symbolism of an empty box from Evan to Tommy, telling him that he wants to live together (look they're unpacking boxes together 😂 i know, i know, I'm a nerd). HOWEVER. The way you DO get love actually in the same episode? Is if my original concept comes to fruition and you get both in the same episode. Evan says he wants to move in together, Tommy says yes. But then Tommy tells him he doesn't just want to live with him, he wants the whole kit and caboodle. (Bonus points if he goes with my idea of proposing with a bread tie.) And obviously, Evan would say yes.

(And then the smart ass in me says this is where we would get the much-anticipated helicopter crash, right at the end of the episode, sending us all into a panic for the next 4-6 weeks over the new year.)

[atopvisenyashill]

Imo they should've aged rhaenyra down, gave her a 6yr age gap with aegon so they're closer in age but it doesn't really mess with the timeline.

But also keep all the changes with alicent, maybe even keep rhaenicent but obviously it'll be more aligon, dead-dove esque and absolutely cut out her sleeping with Cole. That was one of the worst decisions they made

hmmmmmmmmmmmm.

idk that i agree that rhaenyra and aegon being close in age fixes anything re: deficits in f&b's writing or issues in hotd's writing either. i think it makes much more sense to have an "older" generation who had fought over succession during the great council, a "middle" generation who plant the seeds for viserys' succession issues, and a "young" generation who would have been the next generation. so otto, viserys, corlys, rhaenys, & daemon vs rhaenyra, alicent, laenor, laena, harwin, & larys, and aegon, aemond, helaena, jacaerys, baela, and rhaena. the main thing with the rhaenicent age changes that i think worked is the fact that the targtowers are closer in age to the velaryons - they should be tbh! so increasing that - idk that it really works with the story? it also gives us zero time to get to know rhaenyra and laena's kids and they already suffer immensely from that.

also tbh, for me, that snow white-evil queen thing is the appeal of rhaenicent - alicent forced to mother a child that is not much younger than her, rhaenyra looking to a woman that feels older but realistically is still young herself. if rhaenyra is so young, you lose that, and imo it makes alicent significantly worse than in book canon and also dumber by like a lot, and also makes viserys dumber - why would she not just marry aegon in this scenario? so i'm not really sure what aging rhaenyra down does except basically completely nix her kids but her kids and the issues forced on her due to her first marriage are part of why the dance is so complicated.

i don't mind her sleeping with cole, and i think there are WAY worse decisions they made (like cutting NETTLES), i just think alicole is the most boring route (i'm about to be a hardcore criston hater here, you've been warned). alilarys and - i know it would never go ~truly~ canon that's not what i'm on about - aligon, and even aliotto are all vastly more interesting, with characters that are significantly less empty and stupid as criston. i think what they've done with criston is like, fine, but it's basically thee only route you can take to make him a real character and not a vapid noxious jaime/littlefucker/arys frankenstein monster wannabe. having his story shift to center around his romantic relationship with alicent, imo, takes him write back to an empty character that revolves around his sexual hangups surrounding women and like, i'm sure that's interesting to some people, but i've said it before - i need a man to have more to his personality besides being insanely deranged about women he is fucking or wants to fuck, and not only that, but i find the storyline of "lower class man is insane about a high class woman because she represents all he can't attain" to be an obnoxious, outdated storyline when it comes to talking about ~the class war. give me a smallfolk lesbian who projects onto a man and then we'll fucking talk.

that was a long digression THE POINT IS i think alicent's story with cole is infintely more interesting if she plays into the madonna-whore thing by refusing to fuck him, and i also think alicent's more interesting relationsips are with larys, otto, and aegon (and HELAENA) and i would have preferred, if she HAS to be fucking someone, for it to be larys, but i honestly would have preferred she's not fucking anyone and just interacted with her goddamn kids more. also i can't stand criston, i'm not sure there's anything that could get me to care about him. the way the fandom feels about arys oakheart is the way i feel about criston. waste of space get out of my fucking book.

[amanece-parabellum]

I just wanted to chime in again to say that I'm so excited to see the differences! Also screw the terrible people! I wanna be loud enough to drown them out somewhat because your writing enraptured me. Honestly, I freaking LOVE how you've written everyone so much. My heart hurt for Anya in the one-shot, but I admired her resilience despite how conflicted her feelings were regarding Nova and her traumas and the mixture of love as her daughter and resentment regarding her conception that she had towards her. But in the multi chaptered work, I absolutely fell I love with her from the first chapter. I love how you've shown her strength and have given her back her agency. I know that healing from such intense trauma is hard and it's never linear. But with the way she's developing, I see her not just showing her strength by persevering, but rather conquering it, and I look forward to seeing how that goes. I'm so glad you said things changed a lot from the one shot. As much as I enjoyed the original, I can't see the Anya that's developing now handling everything the same way. So I'm so excited to see what's coming next! Especially now that it's all an unknown with how much things are going to differ. Tell the story you want to tell, and I will be rooting for you with the passion to surpass the annoyance of 1000 haters!

Hello again! Listen, your opinions on the one-shot-Anya and the fanfic-Anya make a lot of sense because I actually seem to have unconsciously reflected my feelings towards Anya when writing the one-shot.

At the time of writing the one-shot, I didn't dislike Anya's character, but I wasn't as fascinated with her as I am now either. It should be noted that I started writing the one-shot the night of the same day I finished the game. I wrote a lot of it in one go and went to sleep crying because damn Mouthwashing hurt me so much. I generally avoid books/movies/series/games with miserable endings because I have a chicken heart… to consume that content. I love writing it.

So, I wrote the one-shot from two different positions: the view of a daughter who feels neglected by her mother (Nova) and my own overly superficial interpretation of Anya at the time. I'll clarify, though, that I NEVER villainized the idea of ​​Anya feeling dislike for her daughter. I mean, of course it was going to be a complicated relationship. Human beings are complex. There are many women out there (unfortunately) who suffer sexual abuse and for their own reasons decide to keep the baby even though they have the opportunity to abort or give it up for adoption (not in all countries, again, unfortunately, but in those where they do).

In truth, this point about how complex human beings are is what resonates the most with me when I see so many lunatics in this fandom attacking and wishing death to internet artists or fanfic writers who decide to invent an alternate universe in which Anya DECIDES (keyword) to keep the baby and be happy with it. To me, it's as if they're telling both a victim of abuse and the child of a victim of abuse that they deserve nothing more than to be miserable and die. There's much more to life than suffering and death. Does suffering magically disappear? No. But opting for the recovery option is always going to be better. Mind you, I respect all interpretations. That Anya manages to abort. That Anya gives the baby up for adoption. That the baby is stillborn due to the deplorable conditions during its gestation. It's all valid and you'll never see me attacking someone for their interpretation of a piece of fiction.

But I digress.

What I'm trying to say is that I had a biased view of Anya and yet the last thing I wanted was for her to be read as this cruel woman who is not capable of loving her daughter unconditionally and from the first minute. Obviously it's not going to be a perfect love considering the nature of her conception. And even so, considering that a daughter wants her mother to love her, if she sees that her mother does not love her like all the other mums do with their children, then she's going to see her mother through a negative lens. It makes sense, and I think that anyone with a minimum capacity for interpretation can perfectly understand what I'm trying to say. Still, I was afraid someone would read the one-shot and think "This was done with the intention of villainizing Anya, what a fucking shit," because unfortunately there are a lot of people in this fandom who are not able to see beyond that. Just today an artist in the fandom that I really like created this backstory of paternal trauma for Jimmy, and I had to read idiots saying that it wanted to generate sympathy for a rapist and I found that extremely pathetic.

Now, writing the fanfic and with an immense love for the character of Anya, I am able to give her more layers and think better about her actions. So, yes, her relationship with Nova is going to be different. I'm not going to lie to you, Nova was A PAIN IN THE ASS during her teenage years. Have you seen the movie "Lady Bird"? Well, something like that.

Holy crap, that was a super long answer. SORRY. Again, thank you so much. Reading about your interest makes me happy as you don't get an idea. I hope you don't dislike the changes too much, neither you nor anyone who read "(Bad) Apple" before reading "TL001%". Thank you very much again, I really appreciate your words kisses kisses ♥♥♥♥

(sorry if i made some mistakes or any parts reads odd, english is not my native lenguage!)

[docholligay]

I've written before about how much I love the way this is drawn, because in only letting us see small slices of what's going on, it not only pulls us into those specific details, but forces us to listen more closely to the words that are being spoken. It eliminates distraction.

The glasses. Anthy's glasses are about covering up, are about hiding, and it's always been so interesting to me that in these horrible moments with her brother, she is not only exposed, but she is REAL. One of, I think, the triumphs of this show is that way it allows for the fact that Anthy is a victim, yes, but she's also deeply possessive of Akio as much as she hates him, and she has her own anger and rage, and even in hating Akio, because of how she knows him and their history together, there is a rawness there, a realness. Even without all of *gestures wildly* this, siblings are a complicated thing. I think that's part of what Ikuhara is meaning to say in a lot of this show and unfortunately mostly ends up being like "Siblings secretly want to fuck" but I digress. You are, generally, in each other's lives from birth. Love and hatred and jealousy and pride can all very very be easily bound up in the same person. When you have that much shared history it's very tough to engage with each other in a way that isn't glasses-off, even if you privately and secretly would like to leave the glasses on. Even in this HORRIBLE moment with Akio, Anthy is still more KNOWN here, as princess and witch and victim and villain, her history laid bare. (I also think this is part of what Ikuhara is getting to with the incest thing, but also, stop)

And the things Akio says here, about having discovered a comet (In what? In the fucking planetarium that you constructed? I mean, yes, obviously, but also, come on dude) before, and also that it's new, a star no one else knows about. So we go back to this idea of cycles, of things we do over and over again, and to the point that I'm not sure I think Akio knows where he is in this particular cycle. Is she a comet, is she a star? Is this something you've done before, or something that is new? Is it Utena you've discovered, or someone else? Yes of course, but remember: Planetarium. Which is the school, of course. He's 'discovered' something, but he's also created it, because only he can introduce new things into a planetarium. I've made jokes about how people even fucking get in this school and how far down does Akio's trap lie, but really, if Akio is the one who is essentially setting up this place as a means for producing princesses and princes, of trying to regain his power through the consumption of other's nobility, he's not DISCOVERING things, he's CREATING them.

Which leads me to this idea where he says "Discovering a star makes you think you own it" Well, I mean, you certainly do act that way. And it's not just Utena, remember, he's responsible for all the duelists, in truth. Look at Touga, and tell me that's not some other heavenly body he's molded in service to this little prince factory or whatever. Even when Saionji tries to leave, he's stuck in the forest because he is a possession of Akio's still more than he is his own person. Remember that it's only...Tomiko? I think her name is? Mamiya's sister, I might have that wrong, other than Anthy, who manages within our sight to leave Ohtori, and we are made KEENLY aware that it's only becuse she's come to a realization that none of it is honest. It's a planetarium, and it's not real.

ANYWAY, so, also let's look at the glasses of whiskey. One is heavily drunk, and the other isn't. I can't remember if we see who is who, but if I had to place a bet, I would say that Akio is the one who has drank it all. For all this puffery, I think Akio really lacks the ability to engage with things as they are, that's why he does all the fata morgana fracas, that's why he has the planetarium, that's why he has to engage with all of this storytelling and mythos rather than presenting things as they are. Does even AKIO know the limits of his power?

This whole 'stars belong to no one' is an unintentional tip of Akio's hand about the absolute lack of power he truly has. He can believe he is the master and commander or whatever all he wants, but at the end of the day, his power only comes through Anthy, and the only thing saving his bacon is that I am not sure that at this moment she realizes she CAN leave. It's only Utena that makes her realize she DOES have a choice.