#(i say with no intention of having the ending resemble canon)

[fincalinde]

omg tennis is perfect and i love how this extends to the rest of the cast so thanks for the detailed response! if you don't mind making it longer... what's the deal with jgy's one (1) slam? and how does he feel about doubles?

No problem, thanks for the ask since it gave me the opportunity to ramble about tennis and Xiyao.

The way I have this outlined, the entire AU is larger than just their tennis careers, which means their careers are analogous to their Sunshot experiences rather than the entire novel. I'll talk about JGY's one slam and touch on his doubles career too.

JGY's slam is obviously a stand in for the climax of the Sunshot campaign. However, at the start of his career he's coming from nowhere, having taught himself mostly by watching others and training with ridiculous if not always effective dedication. His mother used all the money she had to try to get him a good tennis education, but that really just extended to buying equipment and the occasional lesson. As in canon, he's a prodigy whose development is held back by a lack of resources but who develops his own style by synthesising various different techniques.

He's too short to have a formidable serve, so his playing style is a bit like Diego Schwartzman at his peak i.e. clay his best surface, stellar return game, hits winners from defensive positions. But he also has amazing hands and good touch at the net. Just fantastic at disguised drop shots and disguised shots in general. He reaches a number of finals but not a slam final, and hasn't won any singles tournaments. Wins some minor doubles tournaments with NMJ, like 250 level and maybe also a 500, and then NMJ catches him colluding with the Wens to rig games for money at the Challenger level.

NMJ considers JGY dead to him after this and JGY ends up playing doubles mostly with other players who went to the Wen training academy and are still part of that circle. His ranking is as high as it's ever been, but still no slam and no reasonable expectation of one. Anyway, I won't go into more detail, but suffice to say that by the time we get to the equivalent of the endpoint of the Sunshot Campaign, NMJ is as close as he's ever been to finally beating WRH in a slam final because only JGY stands in his way at the semifinal.

Except NMJ is carrying an injury and this is his worst surface and JGY's best, so JGY exploits said injury and wins the match. Obviously everyone expects JGY to have expended all his energy taking down NMJ and thinks he'll get flattened in the final, but instead JGY comes out fresh as a daisy and beats WRH in straight sets, taking match point with a lob worthy of 2015 Davis Cup final Andy Murray. Right after this match is when WRH finds out that Someone Anonymous has whistleblown the entire illicit Wen betting operation and there's a huge scandal in which JGY comes out smelling like roses.

After this, JGY steps back from singles and has much more success in doubles with LXC, mostly because it's a conscious and deliberate move to keep that FO win shining bright in people's minds rather than let them see him not replicate that success. Doubles with LXC is both a move to build a popular brand and also just a thing they really enjoy doing together. At this point LXC is probably the only male top tenner who regularly plays doubles. LXC is also the first doubles partner JGY has who actually respects his abilities as a player and doesn't make snide comments about carrying JGY with his serve. Instead LXC waxes lyrical about JGY on the return and they win, like, everything together.

JGY retires from playing relatively young and ends up director of the FO because I refuse to let realism interfere with my fantasy. He is so good at his job that the FO becomes the most diplomatic and gracious and progressive of all four slams RIP to Mauresmo but he's different. He basically becomes a leading light in tennis despite the haters, and is instrumental in providing greater financial support and resources for lower ranked players plus ploughing funding into grassroots tennis.

[firebunnylover]

My Thoughts on Orion trying to stop D-16 from the murdery stuff.

I think there’s been enough time to think over the writing choice of Orion trying to stop D-16 from killing Sentinel. Time to whack the hornet nest of internet opinions.

Now I think it’s fair to say that plenty of people have pointed out that the autobots do murder several other bots in the film and so Orion’s attempt to stop Dee from killing SP seems hypocritical. And I can certainly see why people are coming to that specific conclusion.

And plenty of us agree the death scene was cathartic.

HOWEVER.

Let’s look at Orion’s current perspective regarding Dee’s state of mind.

He has been watching his friend go down the path of unapologetic violence fast since they found out the truth. Like, alarmingly fast. And that path is quickly becoming more of a sheer drop off a cliff.

While OP, Elita and Bee were ecstatic about being able to transform, what do we see Dee laugh over?

Being able to inflict damage onto another bot.

And we can’t forget the oh-so-woobie-of-continuities Starscream, who Orion had to tell Dee not to kill when the murder canon was activated.

That isn’t the Dee Orion knew. Orion is watching Dee turn into something he doesn’t know anymore. He’s afraid of losing D-16 to whatever he’s becoming.

To Orion, keeping Dee from publicly executing Sentinel was an attempt to keep him from spiraling further.

Unfortunately, just having good intentions don’t always cut it. And he really could have said it in a better way.

But to be fair, it had been a long miserable trip for the both of them, so Orion probably wasn't able to think that out 100%.

Another point I want to make is the comparison to B-127/Bee, who had been cutting bots with his knifehands. Granted, I’m pretty sure they were just intended to be Drones/Enforcers, as they resemble Vehicons. Which, in beast wars, were intended as bots who were mass produced and mindless. Which I think Sentinel would have preferred to have as his followers. Literal mindless/sparkless soldiers to follow his every word would probably be easier to handle.

This is Steve Slander I’m so sorry.

Continuing on.

There are a few points I want to make on B-127’s treatment of the violence. First, to me, Orion didn’t seem too comfortable with how hyped Bee was getting with his new weapons, and did intervene to keep him from cutting down more Drones.

And more importantly, he stopped trashing the broadcast room when told that the bots there weren’t the enemy.

Bee managed to do some self-control. Which I think is important to keep in mind when comparing him to Dee/Megatron

One more thing to note.

Something that I have said before in an earlier post after my initial viewing of the movie.

It wasn’t the violence itself that was the ultimate act of betrayal in the end though.

It was picking violence over saving someone.

oh it hurts

Orion jumped in the cannon’s way. Probably thinking that seeing him would give Dee enough reason to stop. But there wasn’t any pause until after the trigger was pulled. @everestentertainments pointed this out in their own post

D-16 does catch the injured Orion. He could have tried to save him, even if it was futile.

But he decided to let him fall instead.

Thus finally transforming into Megatron.

Killing Sentinel wasn’t the final step to the transformation and his fall from grace. It was the first act as purely Megatron.

And don’t forget that after taking the cog, Meg’s next act is to burn everything down, taking no regard for anyone who might get caught in the crossfire. Which is a yikes.

They probably could have made those points more obvious or could have been handled better somehow, but those are my thoughts.

[sleepsacked]

for eternity, c.s.

+ college student!choi san x college student!afab!reader

+ part: 3/3 (this is all the previous parts put into one revised and extended part, so this CAN be read as a standalone!)

+ word count: 19.9k (english isn’t my only language so this is 90% edited to the best of my ability, i am so sorry for grammatical errors x)

+ tags: 18+, minors/ageless blogs dni! tags are below the cut, it’s a lot lol

+ summary: classic story of experienced reader corrupting innocent boyfriend who managed to end up together after being partnered up for a class project and explore their filthy fantasies together.

+ a/n: guys... i know. it's been two years since i uploaded on this story and trust me when i say there has not been a moment where i did not think about sitting down and uploading on here especially because i still get notifications of people re-blogging and liking the previous parts. with that being said, i revised the previous parts and fixed up my grammar and added bits of more plot to each along with adding what would have been stand-alone third part had i not decided to add all three/three and a half? (1, 2, 2.5, 3) parts together. 

please show this some love if you can, and feel free to leave me any suggestions on who you wanna see me write for next...  thank you all again for your extreme patience x

© sleepsacked 2024 / wanna buy me a coffee? xo

+ tags: semi-story building/plot, light humor, college au, virgin!san, experienced!reader, (tried to make it as gender neutral as possible), rest of atz making occasional appearance but mostly reader x san, clumsy/nerd!san, dry humping, grinding, panty stuffing? cum stuffing? hand.. grinding?, filthy makeouts, usage of pet names (babe/baby/love/sweet boy/pretty girl) a lot, teasing, sniffing..(?), vibrating dildo, body worship, hair pulling, cum play, size kink?kinda?, slight dom!reader x sub!san dynamic, slight serivce top san too lol, maybe dom san for a split second, nipple play, bed??humping??, cunnilingus, masturbation (m), panty usage(m) it'll make sense when you read lol, panty kink, begging, squirting, creampies yay, perv!san, slight corruption kink, imagination/dirty fantasy/sexuality exploration??, dirty talk, tongue play(?), whiny san yay, slight body image insecurity, slight relationship insecurity on san's part, reader is canonically on birth control ok, kinda fluffy, kinda realistic, reader and san have good communication okay, if i forgot anything lmk x

-

You and San had met in your graphics design class at the beginning of your third year of university, which was a class that had nothing to do with your major and was just some random filler class that fit into your schedule for some elective credits. 

Although he had sat on the other side of the room, he had surely made a solid impression on you. When you’d see him stroll into class, you never failed to notice how his broad shoulders expanded as he fixed his bag from falling down his arm, or how his slim waist was accentuated by whatever pair of sweats he decided to wear that day. You also never failed to notice his slight resemblance between a fox and a cat, he was definitely mesmerizing to say the least.

It wasn’t until your professor assigned a partner project; and as if fate couldn’t have been anymore real- the two of you were paired together.

You had noticed that he hadn’t spoken much in class throughout the semester, listening intently to the professor’s lectures (or just really good at pretending), and occasionally getting up to use the bathroom. Because of these facts alone, you concluded that he was more on the reserved side of society and opted out for keeping to himself; finding a quiet peace in marching to the beat of his own drum… far from most of the guys you typically sought after.

You were familiar with guys like those who were in alpha tau zeta or beta sigma tau; the ones who were easy to bring to bed but awful to bring home to your parents.

“Hey, I’m Y/N. Looks like we’re partnered together,” you laughed lightly.

“San,” he lowered his head in a quick nod, gathering his backpack to place on the floor and scooted his chair to the side to welcome you. As you sat down, you stole a quick glance in his direction before situating yourself to move your focus to the professor and the instructions for the project that was about to take course over the next couple of weeks.

-

“Alright, well if there’s no more questions, you guys are free to go for the day. And again, please don’t wait ‘til the last minute to begin your projects. Make sure you and your partner are on the same page. Have a good weekend everyone,” your professor waved. As the class began to file out, you looked back at San, noticing how slow he was at making his way out.

“Are-”

“I-”

“You go ahead first,” you laughed lightly, taking note of San’s avoidance of eye contact and the light blush that began to creep up on his neck. He clutched his backpack tighter before letting out a sigh and finally meeting your eyes.

“I was just going to ask when you wanted to begin working on our project… I’m free on the weekends and I don’t have any classes on Fridays either,” his voice trailed off, his eyes averting to the wall behind you and then back to you again.

Oh, he is going to be the death of you.

You hummed. “Yeah, weekends work for me. No classes on Friday either so we can start tomorrow? You live on campus?”

“Yeah, I live in the Arts Hall,” San nodded.

“Really?” Your eyebrows raised, “I do too. Here. Lemme get your number and I’ll text you later and we can figure out a time to meet up! I have a meeting to go to that starts in 10 and it’s on the other side of campus,” you began to pull out your phone, opening up the keypad and handing it to San.

“Oh? Oh, yeah, okay, just text me whenever. I didn’t mean to hold you up,” he fumbled his words as his hand grazed yours after taking your phone from you. He typed his number and handed your phone back to you, you smiled as you took a quick glance at his contact name.

“san :3”

Cute, you thought to yourself as you gathered your belongings and got up from your seat.

“Don’t worry about it, I’m excited to start working on our project. See you around, San,” you looked at him one last time as you waved goodbye, walking out the door to head to your meeting.

-

You hadn’t texted San yet, but that didn’t mean you hadn’t been thinking about him the whole day. You were curious to know more about him, his shyness, how you never noticed that he lived in the same dorm hall as you. You figured it really wouldn’t be too difficult to talk to San and your curiosity was eating at you more than you liked to admit (it was definitely the raging hunger).

It was already past dinner, your meeting lasting longer then you had expected. You debated taking an Uber to that one pizza restaurant you’d been meaning to try out or to just head back to your dorm and make a bowl of ramen. 

With San still on your mind as you decided on dinner plans, you realized you weren’t someone who was keen on taking the lead or being a more assertive person in a situation like this, so when you found yourself open San’s contact profile in your phone and hitting the call button, you were quite surprised.

As you were about to hang up after the first few rings you heard a faint greeting on the other end of the line.

“Hello? Who is this?”

“Hi, I’m so sorry to be calling you right now… it’s Y/N-”

“Y/N? Oh, hi… hi… are you alright?”

Your chest squeezed at his sudden concern.

“Yes! Yes, I’m okay. Seriously, I’m sorry for calling so suddenly. I just got out of my meeting-”

“This late?”

“I know right… I just got out and I was about to head to this new pizza restaurant downtown and was wondering if you wanted to come with me. I know it’s a bit… weird considering we haven’t spoken to each other before today. But I figured we could talk about our project and set up a schedule to work on it or something? If you’re not busy right now, of course.”

You rambled, suddenly regretting even calling San in the first place and realizing that it was a bit awkward to invite San out to eat on a whim like this considering the circumstances.

 There was a long pause.

“Actually, it’s okay if you can’t! I know it’s super late, and I called outta nowhere-”

“I’m down. Where are you at right now?”

“Passing the library actually...”

“That’s good, I’m on the 4th floor of the tech center, I’ll meet you at those benches in front of the library, yeah?”

“Uh… yeah, yeah, I’ll wait right here.”

San hummed, before hanging up and leaving you with your own thoughts as you walked back towards the benches and sat down, waiting patiently.

-

“How’s the practice for the showcase coming along?” 

“Could be better, we’re still working on the chorus but can’t seem to mix the vocals right and it’s been pissing us off.”

“I’m sure it’s fine, you guys are perfectionists.”

“Well, of course we are Wooyoung! I’m sure you feel the same when you choreograph, right?”

“Okay, Yunho, that’s not even a good example.”

“What? It totally is! You can’t dance if the music is shit, so we have to make sure our music isn’t shit!”

“Mingi, shouldn’t you be worrying about, I don’t know, other shit?”

San laughed to himself, his fingers grazing across the keyboard as he finished typing up some discussion answers for one of his coding classes, doing his best to tune out most of the chatter that was happening amongst his friends.

His phone buzzed against the tabletop, his screen lighting up with an unknown number. His friends stayed enthralled in their conversation, paying him no mind as he answered his phone hastily.

“Hello? Who is this?”

“Hi, I’m so sorry to be calling you right now… it’s Y/N-”

Wooyoung was the first to notice that San was on the phone, not even because he was necessarily trying to pay attention but he was about to ask if San wanted to join the rest of them heading to the cafeteria to grab a quick bite before it closed for the night.

“Hey guys, shh, shh,” Wooyoung whispered as he smacked Yunho’s arm. Yunho and Mingi’s voices died down as their attention fixed on San.

“That’s good, I’m on the 4th floor of the tech center, I’ll meet you at those benches in front of the library, yeah?” San finished with a hum before hanging up the phone, feeling three sets of eyes on him.

“So who was that?” Wooyoung’s lips fell into a coy smile, a tilt to his voice as he felt himself get giddy.

“Hm?”

“Don’t tell me…” Yunho’s hand slapped Wooyoung’s shoulder before giving it a hard grip, staring at San in disbelief. Mingi was the next to chime in, as if he felt the cue to get in on the joke.

“Finally, my man San, you shooting shots?”

San’s eyes closed, his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose before letting out a soft sigh.

“It was one of my classmates, Y/N, she’s my partner for this project in my graphics design class. She called asking to grab dinner and talk about what direction we wanna go, nothing crazy,” San began gathering his belongings and stuffing as much as he could in his bag in one go before getting up and slinging his bag over his shoulder.

“Woah, woah, woah, kinda sounds like she’s interested, no?” Yunho wiggled his brows. San immediately shook his in disagreement, feeling the tips of his ears get hot.

“San, I mean this in like, the most loving way possible, but you almost never know when someone is interested in you and… well,” Wooyoung cleared his throat before continuing, “I think it kinda has to do with the fact that… you know… you’re a little bit of a late bloomer.” Wooyoung cupped his hands around his lips as he whispered the last couple of words in San’s direction.

“Alright!” San’s voice cracked, “On that note, I will see you guys tomorrow!”

“Be safe! Use protection!”

“To manhood!”

“Yeah! What they said!”

San continued to make way out of the building, not looking back at his friends as his face continued to heat up. The comments definitely made him nervous, he didn't think you were interested in him… right? You guys barely had a full conversation and only started talking this afternoon in class despite having been together the last month and a half in the same classroom. Was this how dating was like? Was this how people pursued each other? Was it not like best friends falling in love after years of knowing each other? I mean sure, yeah plenty of couples met in different ways, he was pretty familiar with romcoms and-

No! Focus! This is just about class, the project, getting familiar enough to get a good grade and moving forward to the next semester, no time for dating or romance, and certainly no time for sex.

San wasn’t too sure what happened next but suddenly he was lying on his back at the bottom of the stairwell, his bag barely cushioning his fall and hearing a faint yell of his name outside through the glass doors. Faint pattering against the concrete outside could be heard before the glass door swung open.

“San! Oh my god? Are you okay?” You kneeled next to him, awaiting his response.

All San could manage was a groan before he turned over on his side and slowly got up from the ground, reaching for his bag in the process. This definitely couldn’t be more embarrassing- actually, no, knowing him and his luck, it definitely could be more embarrassing in due time.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“You sure? What even happened?”

“Um, actually, I don’t know…” his voice trailed off as he dusted off his clothing.

“What?” You laughed.

“Sorry, I mean, I think I was just lost in my head about something and must’ve missed a step.”

“Ah… lost in your head about anything in particular?” You moved to walk towards the door, reaching for the handle and letting San walk through first, his clumsy state a bit unpredictable for properly meeting up with each other.

“Thanks,” San quietly said as he walked through the glass doors and into the crisp, fall scenery that was draped prettily over the campus grounds. The trees began to lose their leaves and the colors that their foliage left painted on the ground was always the prettiest picture that San never got tired of. 

“And no. Just regular thoughts roaming around in there, I guess.” You both continued to stroll down the path that led to the student parking lot, the soft crunch of leaves creating a comforting ambiance.

“Makes sense.” You paused under one of the light posts, the sun setting enough that the lights emitted a soft glow that accentuated all different types of contours on each of your faces.

“I can order the Uber, by the way. I wasn’t sure when you’d head down or what you wanted to do or anything but I can order it, I don’t think it’ll take long to get here,” You began mumbling as you reached for your phone in your sweater.

“Uber? We can just take my truck, no?”

“You have a truck?”

“Nothing fancy, trust me, it's an ‘06 model,” San laughed, wondering why it was so surprising he owned a truck. He motioned for you to follow as he continued the path down to the parking lot, you followed behind. 

“But a truck?”

“What? A guy can’t own a truck?”

“No, it’s not that- I just mean, you don’t really seem like the truck kinda guy.”

San shrugged, “Gets me from place to place, plus she’s still kicking.”

San led the way to his truck that was parked conveniently in front of the entrance of the tech center.

“No way this truck has crank up windows,” You said in disbelief as you hopped in. “I haven’t seen these in like years, like years, San.”

He threw his head back as he laughed, giving you a shrug as you guys drove off with mindless chatter being shared amongst the both of you.

-

And that was how your relationship with San began; working as partners for a project (which you both aced) that soon led to hanging out at every free moment either of you had. Countless spontaneous dates throughout the course of those next few weeks of you inviting him out to eat dinner with you at that pizza joint. It wasn’t very much longer until San had finally asked you to be his romantic partner.

You were made aware of San’s inexperience, both in dating and intimacy, and honestly, it wasn’t something that was entirely concerning to you. You had a feeling that maybe his experience wasn’t… all there, and you were content with moving at a gradual pace, his pace. Quite truthfully, your pride and ego was well-fed knowing that you’d be the only one to share these experiences with your boyfriend for the first time.

Today, however, you had noticed a shift in San’s attitude and he was more clingy than normal; sticking to your side like glue whenever you went anywhere within your student living apartment. It started off with not wanting to let you get out of bed to use the restroom, clinging onto your waist tighter as you tried wiggling your way out of his arms and nuzzling his head in your neck with a low whine. Your head fell back against the mattress, letting out a sigh.

“Baby, what’s wrong, hm,” you stopped to look down at him as best as you could given your current state. You weren’t annoyed, by all means, but something was definitely bothering San and you were maybe just a little hurt that he was acting differently like this as a way to let you know. You wiggled around again, snaking your arm around his back and combing your fingers through the short hairs that were at the nape of his neck. 

San nuzzled his head deeper into the crook of your neck, the feeling of his eyelashes fluttering against your sensitive skin giving you goosebumps.

“Nothing’s wrong… just- I don’t know. Just wanna be around you, s’all.” Sans lips grazed ever so lightly as he spoke against your skin.

You hummed in faux agreement, “Okay, whatever you say. Lemme get up and go pee, then I can make us something to eat and we can put on that one show you were telling me about the other day, yeah?”

San squeezed his arms around you tightly one last time, before he rolled over and laid against the bed, a pout forming on his lips.

“Fine, that sound’s good.”

-

You were bent over, looking in the fridge and wondering what the hell you were going to cook up. The groceries didn’t look promising, probably because there was a lack thereof, and it was enough to have you close the fridge and look for something in the pantry.

Suddenly, muscular arms wrapped around your body, one around your waist and the other around your upper chest. Light kisses were peppered and pressed against your shoulder and the back of your neck.

“Baby, can’t we just order delivery? I miss you and want you back in bed,” San voiced through his tiny ministrations on your neck. You couldn’t help but giggle at your boyfriend’s clinginess, this level of clinginess being a new side of him you had yet to see. However, you still tried your best to keep your composure, but his broad chest felt so warm against your back that you couldn’t help but indulge in his affection.

“You sure you're okay? You’re not running a fever? Or a concussion?” You tried to turn your head to face him, but his kisses were too distracting on your body and San always had a way of making you feel like he was worshiping you. His arms squeezed you tighter, pulling your ass to meet his crotch. He gave a little thrust and you felt his hard-on press into the clothed crevice of your ass. San gave you one last kiss before he rested his chin on your shoulder and looked at you with hooded eyes.

“Yes, love, I’m okay. I just miss you, “ San leaned forward, pressing your noses together before pushing his hips up into you again, his eyes fluttering softly before he looked back at you.

“So this is why you’re being like this, huh?” A small smile formed on your lips, quickly leaning in to peck San before pulling away. “You want me to help you out?” San turned his gaze away from you, the tips of his ears becoming hot and red, which you found more than endearing.

“Whatever you wanna do right now, I’m okay with, San. Just do whatever you think might feel good for you, okay?” You spoke softly, somewhat anticipating if your boyfriend was going to make any type of move. The farthest you had gotten with San was the occasional heavy make-out sessions with occasional groping- but he never reached to touch you where you wanted him most.

San released you from his grip, not speaking as he turned you around and gently grabbed your wrist. You looked at him, waiting to see if he was going to give any response but instead, he dragged you to the bedroom, leading you to stand at the edge of the bed before walking back to the door and quietly shutting it.

He turned back to look at you, his face and ears flushed before slowly walking towards you and standing in front of you sheepishly.

“You said I can do whatever I think feels good…?” San fidgeted with his fingers, pulling the inside of his cheeks between his teeth. You grabbed his hands, gently rubbing your thumb across the top.

“Whatever you want, baby. However you want, too… however you wanna use me, I trust you,” you brought one his hands to your lips, pressing gentle kisses before opening his palm and pressing your cheek against him. You heard him gulp as you briefly glanced down and noticed the tent in his sweatpants begging for some friction, alongside the faintest spot of pre-cum forming.

“May you bend over the bed?” He spoke softly as he looked at you, eyes glossed over with lust.

You smiled and nodded, lifting your head from his palm. Before you began to turn around to bend over the edge of the bed, you stood on your tip-toes, kissing the round little tip of San’s nose before you quietly cooed at him.

“Only because you asked me so kindly,” you placed a light kiss on his lips. You caught the way his nose scrunched as he fought back a smile. He knew you loved how well-mannered he was.

You turned around and bent over the edge of the bed, your clothed-ass on display for San. You weren’t sure what he had in mind as you laid in this position, but before you could ponder too long you felt cool hands push your shirt up a little so your waist was now exposed to the cold air and before San. You could feel your lover’s body heat behind you as he began to position himself closer to you. Soft massages kneaded their way into your hips and you couldn’t help but rest your forehead on your arm as you tried your best to look back and get a good view of San.

From your peripheral, you could see how timid he was. He stared down at your ass, lip between his teeth and stepping just right to get the angle he wanted behind you. The grip of his massages became harder before his hands stilled and you felt him roll his hips into your ass.

The pressure of his heavy, clothed-cock pressing into your ass had your mouth running dry. It had been awhile since you had sex, of course respecting San’s choices into wanting to take it slow (which you also had wanted to as well, thinking that the wait would most definitely be worth it). For some reason though, the idea of not going all the way right now felt far more intimate than the act itself and that familiar feeling of warmth rushing to your core was making your body become hot and bothered quick, insanely quick.

San hadn’t moved, just resting his weight against you, hips pressed firmly into your ass. His breaths were deep and slightly heavy as you did your best at turning your body to get a better view of him; trying to take in the way his cheeks were flushed and how his mouth was red and puffy from how hard he was biting it. He couldn’t seem to take his eyes off the way his straining cock met the curves of your ass perfectly. 

“You’re doing good, baby. Just do whatever you think feels good,” You pushed your hips back against him, hearing him let out a sigh. “You know I'll be good for you, San.”

San let out a loud whine, running his hands up your back and raising your shirt in the process before lightly scratching his nails back down and hooking his fingers into your waistband.

“Y/N, can I- is it- is it okay if I take off your pants?” San rolled his hips against your ass again and you could tell he was trying to have some self-restraint, as if not to come too soon.

“Yes, please, fuck,” you groaned. San slowly rolled your pants down over the curve of your ass, pushing himself off you just enough to get them down your legs and helping you get them completely off before kicking them away from the bed.

“My underwear-“

“I know just- just let me,” San re-positioned himself behind you and when you turned your head to glance behind you, you noticed that San had also taken off his bottoms, only leaving him in his briefs and his sleep shirt which was mostly unbuttoned, leaving the expanse of his chest exposed enough to see the pink flush.

You turned back to rest your forehead against your arm, anticipating the feeling of San's heavy (and now more thinly layered) cock against your ass. 

You felt the bed dip on the side of your head, you turned to see San’s hand gripping the duvet as his other hand found contact with your hip again. He rolled his hips into you and as he did so you felt your underwear shift up and put tension on your clit. San soon fell into a steady pace of grinding his hips against your ass, occasionally leaning down to place kisses on your shoulder and suck and nip at the back of your neck.

“Y/N, baby, you feel so good like this,” San nipped at your ear, letting out a soft moan when he looked down at where the swells of your ass slightly jiggled every time he rolled his hips.

“Yeah? Feels good?” You turned your head to look at him as best as you could, almost all his body weight was on you as he began to rut his hips against your ass. You pouted your lips at him, silently pleading for the feeling of his lips on yours. He leaned down and indulged in you, lazily moving his lips against yours. In the midst of kissing, you caught his tongue with your lips and began sucking lightly. You felt San’s hips stutter and he moaned loudly with his tongue still trapped between your lips. San suddenly pulled away, his hair matted against his forehead, shirt ruffled and lips puffy. There were traces of drool going down his chin and the idea of kissing him until he became a wet, whiny mess had your mind reeling. 

“Something wrong?” You looked up at San, glancing down at the now more noticeable wet spot on his briefs, a mixture of your desire and his.

“Nothing, it’s just if I come, I wanna look at you. Flip over for me,” San placed his hands on your hips, “please,” shooting you a cheeky smile that had you giggling.

Once you flipped over, San positioned himself to where one of his legs was nestled between your thighs and pressed deliciously against your core. His head found purchase in your neck, attaching his lips and leaving love bites everywhere he could.

“You know, I've been trying not to come fast this whole time,” San breathed into your neck. “I’m just wondering how good it’s gonna be when we actually fuck,” he lifted his head to take a good look at you. 

He hadn’t realized how fucked out you actually were and it was a mental image he wanted to keep stored in his head for as long as he could. This time you were the one getting shy, the idea of San fucking you right now, eager and clumsy, was too tempting. Your panties were sticky and truthfully it was starting to get a bit uncomfortable, but San had moved his attention back to your neck, softly rutting against your hip bone which had his thigh rubbing against your clit. You involuntarily rolled your hips against his thigh, letting out a feathery moan.

San’s head snapped up from your neck, looking down at you with furrowed brows as he pressed his thigh harder into your clothed-heat. Your eyes squeezed shut as you let out another moan, head turning to the opposite side from San in embarrassment.

“San-“

“I want you to do what feels good too,” his hand grabbed your chin, gently pulling your face to look back in his direction again. His stare was too much, his eyes averting from yours to your lips and back to yours before he moved one finger to the tip of your mouth.

As if on instinct, you opened and welcomed his index finger, gently sucking and rolling your tongue around the length while doing your best to maintain eye contact.

San's eyes were solely focused on how your lips were so perfectly wrapped around his finger as the rest of his hand maintained a semi-hard grip on either side of your cheeks.

“Fuck, I can’t do this baby, I wanna come on you. Please, can I come on you?” San’s voice quivered as his eyes made their way back up to yours. With your mouth still occupied, you nodded, moaning around his finger as a means of saying yes.

He took his finger from your mouth, gently wiping it on the hem of his shirt before reaching for his shirt collar and swiftly removing it from his body and throwing it at the foot of the bed.

“It was starting to get too hot for that. You feeling okay?” San spoke, throwing a quick glance at you before he shuffled around on the bed and placed his hands on your knees to spread your legs to make room for him. 

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” You shifted, moving your legs around so he could slot himself between you. It took you a minute to realize that San was more bare than you, something that rarely happened. San wasn’t shy or insecure about his body, at least you didn’t seem to get that impression. You knew he took good care of himself and his physique, working out as often as he could in between study sessions or dance practices. Yet, you had come to the conclusion that maybe he just wasn’t as comfortable being shirtless in a lounge setting than you had initially thought.

“Maybe, but you didn’t answer me. How are you feeling?” San laid more of his body weight on you and instinctively you brought your hands up to feel the soft flesh of his chest.

“Feeling like I'm gonna overheat in this thick ass shirt but I also don’t wanna take it off.”

His gaze softened, placing pecks across your face. He started with your forehead, leading to your left cheek and then your right. As your eyes fluttered shut, he gently placed kisses on top of your eyelids, following down your nose to your chin and then ending at your lips.

“You’re beautiful, baby. And I'll tell you a hundred times a day- no! a hundred times an hour if i have too.”

“Can I wear your shirt?” You smiled sheepishly.

His eyebrow twitched before he began to frantically nod his head, scrambling across the sheets to bring it up to you. You sat up enough to slip your shirt off and quickly replace it with San’s with ease. Thankfully, San wore pajama sets so the shirt was thin enough to not overwhelm you. San reached up to your chest, unbuttoning a few buttons on his sleep shirt that revealed just the right amount of cleavage for him to mess with.

Once settled back on top of you, he shifted his weight so that his cock laid right between your folds. the wet stains on both of your underwear making the fabric feel much thinner.

“Fuck, Y/N,” San placed one last kiss before looking down between where your bodies met, rolling his hips with purpose against your clit. The friction of the wet fabric and the pressure of the tip of his cock rubbing deliciously against your sensitive bud made you feel like you were going insane and soon enough you found yourself rolling your hips with his.

“San, baby, you’re doing so good for me, you know that,” you moaned, wrapping a hand in his hair and gently tugging. He groaned, this time pulling back far enough to slam his hips against yours.

You moaned as your back arched slightly off the bed- you weren’t sure what had come over San, but his energy had changed so much that you had forgotten he was inexperienced.

“I'm so good for you, huh?” San said through clenched teeth, rolling his hips harder and faster. This new found discovery of San enjoying praise did something for you, making your mind reel of all the intimate endeavors that would take place in the near future.

“So good you’re gonna let me come on you? Let me come all over your panties and stuff it back up in that little pussy of yours?” He was looking at you now, bottom lip glossed with saliva from sucking it between his teeth.

“Shit,” you raised your legs higher as you spread them out more, “are you sure you’ve never done this, San? I didn't know you could be so mouthy.”

San hooked one of your legs under his arm as he shifted to get a better angle to rub his cock between you.

“You’re the one and only, baby,” he laughed, “Didn’t know I had it in me either.”

You laughed, before wrapping an arm behind his neck and pulling him down towards you for a kiss. This one was by far the messiest kiss you had ever shared with San. As he rutted against you, his lips moved against yours sloppily. Thin trails of spit formed around your mouths as you sucked and licked against each other's tongues- San pulled away just enough to speak.

“Fuckfuckfuck,” his thrusts against your clit became rougher, the fabric of your underwear rubbing against you hard. You wrapped one leg around his waist, putting pressure on his lower back and pulling him closer to your body.

“I think I’m gonna come, Y/N, oh, oh fuck-“ you looked up at San, fingers still wrapped in his hair. his brows furrowed together, mouth falling into a small, cute ‘o’ shape, feeling his hips began to stutter.

“I know, baby, go ahead,” you moved your hips against his, “you did so good. Go ahead and give it to me.” 

That seemed to set San over the edge, a high-pitched whine coming from his lips and you soon felt a warm liquid fall on top of your mound. You looked down to see San still coming, hot-spurts making their way through his briefs, the mental image of him coming inside and milking him dry making your mind reel. You moaned, bringing your hand up to his cheeks and pulling him forward in a lazy kiss.

You felt San’s hand make its way to the top of your waist band as he pulled away from you and looked down.

“I wasn’t joking about stuffing you with this Y/N,” San wiped at some of his come from your underwear with his middle finger before bringing it lower to your clothed-entrance. He prodded at the wet fabric, rubbing his come at where your hole was clenching eagerly to feel some type of release. You felt him push lightly against you, rubbing in circles his come-covered finger before applying more pressure. He quickly swiped up more before going back to your entrance and pushing his fingers inside you as best he could with your underwear still creating a barrier between the two of you. Your head fell back against the sheets and your hips moved lightly against his finger.

“San,” you moaned as a hand reached down to his wrist, holding it steady as your hips moved with more fervor. You felt his hand pull back as he shifted down to be face first with your pussy. Just as you were about to pout at the loss of contact, a harder pressure was applied. You glimpsed down through hooded eyes, taking your lip between your teeth as you saw San looking back up at you to gauge your reaction. 

This time his palm was pressed against you, cupping gently and moving up and down slightly as if he were giving you a massage.

“Grind against me, y/n,” San spoke softly, turning his head and pressing soft kisses against the inside of your thigh. He pressed his palm harder against your clothed-heat, turning his attention back to you. Your hips moved on their own accord, the fabric continuing to pull and rub against your clit. Breathy moans filled the room and San used his free hand to rub gently into your thighs and waist, occasionally reaching up to your chest and grabbing roughly through your (his) shirt.

You felt his hand pull away again, only to be quickly met with a light slap, a jolt rushing through your body as you let out a gasp. Your hand reached for the duvet, twisting lightly in your palm as you craved for that feeling again.

“Harder, please, harder,” your eyes squeezed shut as you moved your hips closer to San’s face, your way of asking for some release. The knot in your stomach began to coil tighter, waiting to be pushed over the edge. San dug the heel of his hand against your clit, moving softly as you moved your hips at your own desired and eager pace.

“Oh- oh fuck, baby, I’m gonna cum,” your hand made way to find grip in San’s disheveled hair, grabbing at the base of his locks and tugging with just enough force. In the haze of pleasure, you could make a distinction of moans that weren’t your own and you had just enough time to look down in between your legs to see San with his eyes shut and eyebrows furrowed and he let out a whine. His hand pressed harder against your clit one last time before the tension in your stomach snapped and your hips stuttered against his palm.

San moaned with you, keeping his hand pressed against you as you rode out your orgasm.

“That's it, want you to give it all to me,” he turned his head against your thighs again, placing small kisses and bites along the expanse of the fleshy skin. The lingering feelings of your orgasm soon finished and you’d fallen into a comfortable daze, loosening your grip in San’s hair and softly running your fingers through it instead. Your eyes began to flutter, forgetting about the stickiness in your panties. You snapped to your senses when you felt San move forward, still between your thighs and closer to your clothed crotch. 

He inhaled where you felt the wetness of both yours and his release was mixed together, letting out a low moan before he moved back up the bed so he was directly above you.

“You are such a perv for doing that, by the way,” you laughed as you ran your hands across his chest, taking note of the flush that was creeping up his neck.

“Hey,” he whined, leaning down to nuzzle into your neck. “You said I could do whatever I thought felt right,” you could hear and feel the pout in his voice.

“I didn't say I minded you being a little perv-y, if I wasn’t so sleepy right now I might try getting off again,” your arms wrapped around his back, nails lightly scratching up and down as you felt more of his body weigh against you.

“Is that so?” San spoke softly as his lips sucked love bites into your neck.

“It is,” you moved your head to the side, allowing more room for him to kiss and suck at your neck. “You know you sound cute when you’re all whiny, San.”

“Babe,” his voice dragged out as he rolled off you, embarrassed. Your laugh rang throughout the room as you turned to your side and reached out for San before he could make it too far out of reach.

“You know I'm teasing you, baby. Now can we clean up real quick before I pass out over here?” you placed a quick kiss on San’s lips before you began to get up from the bed, the stickiness between your legs becoming too unbearable.

San followed behind you quickly, grabbing your waist and pulling you in his arms.

“Thank you,” he whispered against your hair as he hugged you a little more tightly. You smiled against his chest as you wrapped your arms around his waist, this man was definitely going to be the death of you.

-

It hadn’t been very long since your previous intimate interaction with San, and you had noticed that he was much more keen on expanding and expressing his sexual interests with you. He was more clingy, and confident, and was constantly finding ways to express his sweet affections towards you, especially in the confines of your shared apartment.

He asked questions constantly about your own sexual interests, which you found both cute and endearing as most times (all the time) he’d stutter and get all flustered at the thought of even saying such crude things aloud so casually.

So today, when he asked you about your own self-pleasure experiences, you weren’t entirely caught off guard.

You both laid in the living room, sprawled on the couch, your head in his lap as his fingers softly scratched against your scalp. He was focused on something on his phone as you felt your eyes get heavier with the comfort of having your hair played with, the noise from the television being the right amount of white noise to allow you to doze off peacefully. San set his phone down on the arm rest, leaning forward slightly to get a glimpse of you.

“Babe, you still up?” San spoke softly, removing his hand from your head and bringing it to caress your cheek. You hummed, snuggling your head into his lap to get more comfortable.

“Hm… yeah, I’m up,” you muttered, your eyes finally blinking slowly before you shut them completely. You felt him lean back against the couch, hand still resting on your cheek, his thumb slowly running back and forth.

“Well if you’re up, like up up- awake up, then I have a question. Hm… something I’m curious about.” San spoke slowly, as if he was thinking of the right way to word his sentences so as to not come across a certain way. You nodded, having enough sense to know that your boyfriend wanted to talk to you seriously, forcing your eyes open as much as the sleepiness would allow.

“I’m up, I'm up… what is it, hm?” A silence followed as you waited for San to speak, you shifted in his lap so you were looking up right at him. his eyes focused on the television, but in a way that was zoned out and not actually paying attention to the content that was displayed on the screen.

“San?” your attention on him completely now, taking note of the way his eyebrows were furrowed together as his hand had slipped from your cheek amidst your shifting and was now lying comfortably across your neck. Hearing your voice snapped him out of his little daydream as he looked down out at you, the tips of his ears catching a blush.

“Oh, yeah. Um… I was just curious about- like- how do I say- uh,” his voice trailed off as he averted his attention back to the television. You waited expectantly, having an idea where this conversation might be leading to.

“Go on,” you spoke softly.

“Have you ever… touched yourself?” San whispered, as if speaking too loudly would get him scolded by the gods above. You couldn’t help but laugh, getting up from his lap and sitting up again on the couch to face him. Sleep was no longer something on your mind as your boyfriend never failed to catch your attention in conversations like this. He pouted, avoiding your eyesight and fidgeting with his fingers in his lap.

“Sorry baby, I don't mean to laugh. You’re just too cute when you get like this,” you leaned forward to place a quick kiss on his cheek before you leaned back and answered him properly.

“Yes, I have touched myself before. Who’s asking?” you teased.

San shot you a quick glance before facing forward again, shifting to sit up straighter. He cleared his throat before speaking once again.

“With a toy? Have you- uh- ever touched yourself with a toy?” His cheeks flushed as he moved his hands higher in his lap, crossing his legs. Your eyebrows raised, a slight smile forming on your face. You scooted closer to him, laying your head on his shoulder as you wrapped your arms around his bicep.

“Yes and no. I had like... one of those little bullet vibrators a long ass time ago that Heejin got me as a joke but ended up throwing that shit away ‘cause… well… it was a bullet vibrator,” you laughed, leaning your head further into his space.

“After that, it crossed my mind to maybe get actual toys. Like a vibrating dildo or a butt plug or something but it’s hard finding good sites that sell that shit discreetly and adult shops are just so… I feel too awkward,” your voice trailed, looking up to see San looking back down at you, waiting for you to finish your thoughts.

“You know how you see those videos of coffee shop baristas and they’re like ‘what your coffee order says about you’ or ‘what you look like based on your coffee order’ and it's a bunch of stereotypes that are lowkey kinda true? Yeah, I feel like that’s what would happen if I went to a sex shop. I mean, I think my kinks are pretty tame compared to extremists- at least I think they are- but… still it’s just so awkward,” you physically cringed. 

San nodded, laughing lightly at the comparison you gave between coffee shops and sex shops. You reached up to place your hand on his cheek and turned him to face you. 

“Are you asking me because you wanna get one?” You smiled mischievously.

“Well, you see, I was asking ‘cause, you know-“ San fumbled his words.

“We can if you want… I don't really mind. Is that what you were looking at on your phone?”

San nodded, reaching for his phone again, and stealing a quick glance at you before unlocking it and leaning into you so you both had a clear view of his screen.

The next hour was spent between looking at options before deciding on a generic vibrating dildo, deciding that you could upgrade later if need be. The estimated delivery time was said to be a week, so to your surprise at checking the mail room downstairs three days later with a package, was exciting to say the least.

On the way back to your room, you pulled your phone out, opening your chat with San.

y/n: bb look!

y/n: 1 file attachment

y/n: it just came in the mail... ;-)

y/n: tbh i'm surprised it got here so fast?? then again it says it came from that one town we drove thru on the way to my parents so ig it wasn’t that far??

-

“Hold on guys, gimme one sec,” San panted, breaking away from his friends and their current dance session.

“Aw shit, Mr. loverboy over here gotta answer to his girl,” Yunho teased, nudging Wooyoung as they both laughed amongst themselves.

San shot them both a teasing glare before picking up his phone and opening your messages. As he was getting ready to hit send, another message from you was delivered and soon after a photo attachment.

y/n: 1 file attachment

y/n: san omg

y/n: why does this thing look huge

y/n: its kinda cute tho good job picking it out

y/n: baby hurry up and get home plsplsplsplpslspsl need u nowww

“Whatcha looking at?” Wooyoung chirped, swinging his arm around San's shoulders and leaning towards his phone. Before San could push Wooyoung away, he was already opening his mouth.

“Damn! Is that a dildo? Since when did you get all freaky on us, man? Coulda sworn you were still a virgin!” Wooyoung grabbed his phone, clicking on the image you sent. Your hand was delicately wrapped around the base of the dildo, which was an opaque purple shade (color choice courtesy of San). Your hands did the toy no justice, because you were right- it did in fact look huge.

“Ay man, gimme my phone,” San said in his most assertive voice he could muster, not even bothering to panic or make frantic moves at Wooyoung- knowing how his friend was. It didn't help that his cheeks were tinted with a light blush and he could feel his cock stirring in his sweats at the thought of you begging for him to come home so you guys could get play around. 

“Hey, what happened?” Yunho came up to San and Wooyoung, looking between the two men. San’s phone pinged again with another message from you and Wooyoung took a quick glance, smirking, before handing the phone back to San.

“Well, our Sannie boy here seems to have gotten a bit mischievous these days, Yunho. I think we should wrap up practice early today, let him get back home to his girl,” Wooyoung said as he looked back at a confused Yunho.

San looked down at his phone quickly, wondering what could’ve possibly gotten Wooyoung to say such a response.

y/n: 1 file attachment

y/n: can’t wait to play w my sweet boy <3

The picture was of you already in bed, one of San’s shirts with some cute but simple black lace panties. Your knees were bent and the dildo was laying between your thighs as if to make it appear like you were wearing a strap-on.

San's eyes went wide, his ears feeling hot, and his stomach flipping knowing that one of his friends was well-aware about the kind of activities you and him were planning on having tonight.

“Oh yeah? I was actually planning on cutting practice early anyways. Mingi texted me asking if I could stop by the studio for some feedback on some of his and Joong’s songs for that showcase in a couple weeks,” Yunho eyed San carefully, who was staring at his phone screen intently. Wooyoung laughed as he caught Yunho's confused expression towards San.

“Alright, well I'm out then! I'll catch y’all later! I gotta meet up with Jongho and Yeosang for one of  our CompSci classes,” Wooyoung headed for the door, grabbing his jacket and bag from the rack. “Oh and San, one more thing,” Wooyoung turned around, waiting for San to look up at him and properly acknowledge him. San's attention averted to Wooyoung, waiting for him to speak.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn't do... and trust me, there’s not a lot out there I wouldn't,” he shot San a wink before slipping out the door.

“That guy, man,” Yunho laughed, shaking his head.

“Well, I'm gonna head out? Just text in the group chat when you wanna meet up again, you know when I'm free. Or let Seonghwa know,” San spoke quietly, his mind still reeling on the fact that you were home alone right now, horny, waiting for him. 

The feeling of his cock being constrained tightly against the band of his boxers turned into an aching sensation- god, he just wanted to be with you already.

“Yeah, I'll text you later,” the two men nodded at each other. San made his way to the door, and just before he had the chance to exit, Yunho called out to him.

“Ya!” 

San turned around, looking expectantly at Yunho.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn't do.” Yunho smiled, waving San off.

“Shut up, Yunho.” San laughed, giving him the middle finger and shaking his head.

And with that, San slipped out of the practice room, making his way to his car.

-

You were laid in bed, scrolling mindlessly between social media outlets, distracting yourself enough as you waited for San to get home from dance practice. 

[new notifications]

my bb: on my way home now, my love

my bb: ur kinda insane btw

my bb: sending pictures like that while im out

my bb: the guys ended practice early, had some other stuff they needed to do

my bb: ill be home in 5

You smiled reading the messages, excited to see your boyfriend after you’d both been busy with classes and any other extracurricular activities you guys were involved in, but even more so knowing that you were going to be able to try out your new toy.

When San had arrived home, you were sprawled out on your stomach, a blanket draped over your lower half, the dildo and your phone momentarily forgotten. The faint sound of music flooded the room, your eyes closed as you quietly sang along.

San was true to his word because 5 minutes later he was entering your room, jacket and shoes already off, pulling his shirt over his head and discarding it to the chair tucked under your desk. The bed dipped as you felt a hand lay across your back, opening your eyes to welcome San laying down next to you, shirtless, in the bottoms he wore to practice and sweaty hair.

“Hi,” you spoke softly, shifting to face San as a hand reached up to cup his cheek. Your thumb ran along the skin, his eyes fluttering at your soft touch. 

“How was your practice, hm?”

“It was fine. Probably one of our better ones in a while so I’m kinda pissed it ended earlier than I expected, but I'm home now so I’m not complaining.” He finished his thought with a kiss to the tip of your nose as his hand was rubbing up and down along your back.

“Well, I'm glad your home ‘cause that means I get to take all your attention.”

“Hm, so where is it? Where’s the- uh, you know…”

You smiled at San getting flustered over his words, leaning back to feel around the bed before you finally lifted the blanket to reveal the cute little toy. You reached for it, putting it between you and San as you looked back at him expectantly.

“Right here! Isn’t it cute?” 

You rotated the toy in your hands, there wasn’t much to admire apart from the color and thickness and the handle with the buttons at the bottom. San’s cheeks were flushed as his hands traveled to your waist, gripping firmly.

“Yeah.. yeah it is,” he nervously laughed. “Did you... already put batteries in it?”

“Mhm, but I haven’t tested it out yet. I was waiting for you to get home.” 

You pressed the tip of the toy into San’s pectoral, slightly shifting your hand around to press the power button at one of the lower settings, a faint buzzing echoing in your ears. San began to breathe heavier, his grip on your waist loosening as his eyes screwed shut.

“What… what are you doing?” San sighed, eyes opening slightly as he looked down at you.

“Do you trust me?” your hand stilled.

San nodded. 

“Wanna hear you say it, baby. Do you trust me?”

“Yes, fuck, I trust you. I trust you so much, please." San's eyes screwed shut again. He didn’t know what he was begging for, he just wanted something. Since he’d left the studio, he’d been fighting down his boner the whole ride home, wanting to wait for you to play with him. It felt as though every bone in him was going to snap if he didn’t get some form of release, and fast.

You used your free hand to lightly push him on his back, soon adjusting yourself to swing your leg over his waist. You leaned forward, pressing a light kiss against his lips before you rested your forehead against his.

You had nudged your nose against his softly, a butterfly kiss.

“Then lemme take care of you, sweet boy.” 

San let out a low moan, bucking his hips against you. You leaned back, pressing your weight against his cock, his chest heaving up and down quickly, arms tense at his sides. You let out a breathy laugh at his nervous reaction, suddenly feeling your own chest tighten with nerves. This was really happening, huh?

“Just relax, baby. I got you, okay?” You ran the toy that was still vibrating slightly down the middle of his chest, stopping right above his naval. 

“If you don’t like something, promise you’ll tell me, yeah?”

“Yes, yes, Y/N I’ll tell you, just- just please-” you looked below where your crotch was on top of San. He still had his practice sweats on, his cock straining so hard in the confinement.

“Is it okay if I take these off you?” 

You switched the vibrator off before tossing it to the side, getting up to stand at San’s feet which were hanging off the end of the bed. A quick yes was enough confirmation to slide his sweats off, once off your hand reached to his briefs, stopping just as your fingers hooked on either side of the band. 

“These too?” 

Another quick yes from San allowed him to be laying completely naked in front of you. His cock sprung, slapping against his naval, red and leaking with pre-cum- begging for some friction.

You crawled back up the bed, hands resting on either side of San’s head. You reached to his forehead to brush the hair that was beginning to curtain his eyes, feeling the sweat that was starting to form at his hairline. You leaned down, pressing your lips to the spot between his eyebrows and leaving a trail of kisses down to his cheeks and jawline before making a final round to his lips. His arms wrapped around your back, pulling you flush against his chest as his tongue slipped in your mouth.

You both stayed like that for god knows how long, lazily making out and groping one another, enjoying each other’s presence to the fullest. San pulled away from you, looking up at you with swollen, wet lips and flushed cheeks.

“Baby, I love kissing you so much, you know that, but my dick is so hard right now that I feel like I'm about to pass out,” he whispered, his hands pushing your shirt up and then making their way down to the swell of your ass.

You laughed, lifting yourself off of him to sit yourself in his lap but he stopped you before you could get yourself comfortable and situated.

“Wait! Wait... um- can you- would you mind taking these off?” San asked sheepishly, fingers hooking ever so lightly in the waistband. 

You felt yourself clench around nothing, you and San hadn’t been naked in front of each other like this. Not in such a lewd position at least, so the thought had your mind and body raging with nerves and excitement. You moved quickly to rid your panties from your legs, your essence following along and smearing on the inside of your thighs. San's eyes followed your movements and in the corner of your eye, you caught a glimpse of his dick twitching against his stomach. 

You climbed back on the bed, legs on either side of San’s hips, lowering yourself so the underside of San's cock was wedged between your pussy.

“Fuck,” San whined, hands finding purchasing on your waist again and making their way under the front of your shirt to grope at your bra-less chest. 

You were embarrassed at how turned on you were, but before you even had enough time to register that, your hips moved along San’s length. Your slick made your movements easier, stopping yourself just enough that your clit teased against the head of his cock. You felt San’s index finger flick against your hardened nipple, your hips stuttering as you let out a breathy moan.

“Baby, you’re gonna be the death of me you know that?” You moaned again as San brought his thumb up to pinch your nipple. “So cute, so good for me. Always treat me so good, fuck, got such a pretty cock too.” 

You reached to your side, grabbing the dildo and turning it on low. San's eyes followed your movement, you pressed the tip of the toy to slit San's cock. His body jolted under you, his mouth fell lax as his stomach tensed. Your free hand scratched lightly at his stomach, your other pressed the toy harder against the slit of his cock as you began to softly grind your clit along his length.

“Oh- oh my god- fuck,” San’s body shook as he let out a string of profanities. “It feels too good, y/n. I think I'm gonna come- fuckfuckfuck.”

“Go ahead, baby. You deserve it, go ahead and make a mess.” 

You moved your hips against his length faster, loving the way his stomach and thighs were flexing underneath you.

“I’m coming, oh fuck, oh-” San’s arms flew over his face as he let out a long whine. 

Hot, milky spurts painted his stomach and chest beautifully, a little bit shooting up underneath his chin and along his neck. you slowed your hips, taking in how fucked out your boyfriend looked like this.

You turned off the toy, setting it down next to you as you reached up to San, removing his arms from his face. His eyes were barely open, his whole face flushed as his bangs were matted against his forehead.

“Hey, you okay?” You whispered softly, planting a soft kiss to his lips. San hummed in confirmation, a soft smile forming on his face. 

“Good, lemme clean you up real quick.” You leaned back, swiping your finger at some of the mess on San's stomach and bringing it to your lips. To your surprise, San’s cock twitched ever so slightly, still red and half-hard.

You got up to grab the towel from your desk chair, walking back and softly wiping at San’s stomach, chest, and neck. Once finished, you settled in bed next to him, laying on your side.

“You didn’t come?” 

You shook your head no as your hand reached up to play with his hair.

“But don’t worry about it. Tonight was about you, okay?” 

San pouted, and in a blink of an eye he was hovering over you. both of his hands planted on either side of your head, his half-hard cock weighing down against your mound.

“Lemme take care of you... I wanna play with you too.” 

He sat back on his heels, his hands moving to your knees and spreading your legs apart so your pussy was on full display. Your breath hitched as you saw him reach for the toy, his hands twisting it around to maneuver the buttons on. The buzzing sound filled the room again and soon you felt a pressure against your clit.

Moaning, you looked down where San’s hand lay between your legs holding the toy. He was unsure what to do, it was clear on his face. You reached down to wrap your hand around his wrist.

“Here. Like this.” 

You moved the toy along your folds; San shifted on the bed so he was now laying on his stomach, his face adjacent from your pussy, teeth between his lips as he watched intently how you moved his hand around to pleasure yourself.

He turned the setting up a notch with his free hand, before moving it to grab underneath your thigh and placing it over his shoulder.

“Is it okay if I put- hm... put it in?” He asked, placing a quick kiss on your thigh before he turned his attention back to your fluttering hole.

“Yes, please baby, please put it in.”

You moaned as his hand moved the toy just right and the tip of the toy prodded at your entrance. The grip San had on your thigh tightened as the toy pushed its way in slowly. 

You couldn’t see, too enthralled in your own pleasure, but San’s hips had begun to rut against the bed. He’d been imagining his own cock in place of the toy, easing into you, stretching you out, making you shake, maybe even cry with how good it all fucking felt. He was eager to make you climax, so he continued to push the toy into you, giving the bed beneath him a particularly hard thrust as well.

Your walls fluttered against the toy, it’d been awhile since you’d felt so full. You’d touched yourself before but the width and length of your fingers was far different compared to how the toy felt inside you. Even far more different when it was your lover who was fucking you with it.

Your hand slid up your shirt, grabbing at your breasts as the other went to pull at San’s hair.

“Feels so full.” You moaned, your hips moving at the same rhythm of San’s hand. 

“Wish it was your cock making me feel good, want it. Want it so bad, baby.” 

You were close, so fucking close. 

San began to push the toy deeper in you all while kissing and biting at your thigh.

“Fuck- faster.” 

The grip on San’s hair tightened. The tension you felt in your belly ready to snap at any given moment.

“Like that?” San whispered, his hand pushing the toy in and out of you.

“Yes- don’t stop. please, please baby don’t fucking stop. I’m gonna come-” You squirmed along the bed, trying to move your hips along with the perfect rhythm that San had created. 

You felt him press your hips down to still you, his head moving forward as you felt his lips place a feathery kiss to your clit before giving it a harsh suck. You finally snapped.

“Oh fuck I’m coming- fuck! I’m coming.” You whined as your legs tried closing in around San to snap shut.

San didn’t let up on the sucking, still holding the toy deep inside you trying to make the most of your orgasm. He moaned against your clit, releasing from you with a faint pop and leaning his head against your thigh.

You looked down at him as he pulled to toy out from you, his eyes admiring how wet you’d made it. As if his curiosity got the best of him, he brought the toy to his mouth and wrapped his lips around the tip. His eyes met yours as his cheeks hollowed out, pushing the toy further in before pulling out and licking his lips clean. He made his way back up to you, putting all his body weight on you and nuzzling his face into your neck, letting out a sigh of content.

“You taste good, babe, wanna eat you out next time,” San whispered in your ear, his tongue playfully licking at your earlobe.

“I don’t know how you do it.” 

San lifted his head from your neck and peppered kisses all over your cheek.

“Do what?” He pushed himself off you, grabbing the towel you had used on him earlier and pushing your legs apart so he could gently wipe you clean. You used as much strength as you had left to bring yourself up to rest on your elbows, eyeing him.

“Drive me crazy, that’s what.” You laughed as your eyes trailed down to where San was laying earlier.

“Hey what’s that?” You pointed at the rather large spot on the comforter, San looked to where you were pointing, his eyes going wide.

“Holy shit… no fucking way.” Your jaw dropped in disbelief. “You came again? On the bed?”

“Well... yeah…” San mumbled, tossing the towel to the pile of discarded clothes.

You laughed, crawling your way across the bed to meet your boyfriend, arms wrapping around his neck as his naturally fell around your hips.

“You’re a naughty thing, you know that? Are you sure you’re a virgin?” You teased, no real malice or doubt in your voice. 

You leaned forward to kiss the tip of his nose, catching the way his lips curved into a small smile. 

“How ‘bout we run a shower and we can worry about the sheets later, hm?” San nodded at your suggestion, lowering himself to grab the back of your thighs before lifting you up. 

Your legs wrapped around his waist as he began walking to the bathroom. 

“Hey,” you spoke softly. He stopped in his tracks, moving his head to face you, waiting attentively.

“Just wanted to say I love you,” you kissed him, feeling him smile against your lips, the feeling never getting old. He pulled away from you, resting his forehead against yours.

“I love you more, pretty girl.”

-

The last time you and San had messed around was a lot farther than you both had gotten with each other, and the more that you guys explored and experimented with each other’s bodies, the more both of you found yourselves constantly looking for ways to feed each other affection.

San was aware of your sexual experience and at times when he was too lost in his head, he’d often feel insecure and wonder if the other people you’d been with were better- in any aspect really.

However, you constantly reassured him otherwise and for that he was more than thankful. Which led him to his current predicament.

You weren’t at the apartment, having had to run some errands for the day and San insisted on making time to hang out. He’d woken up too late that you’d already left to go do the things you needed to get done, so you suggested he just wait at home until you finished. Ever so quick to please, he found himself doing random chores around the place to keep himself occupied.

Today was laundry day, he dumped the basket of clothes on the bed that you had taken forever to fold (one of his little pet peeves but, still, he didn’t mind picking up the slack every now and then because he knew how busy you got.)

He hadn’t realized that the current load to switch from the laundry was your delicates (he zoned out quite a lot when he was left to his own devices), and for whatever reason he was feeling himself become more and more embarrassed as the seconds passed.

It was just panties, he didn’t know why he’d felt so shy about it. He’d seen you in your panties plenty of times, even if you were just lounging around in them. You were his partner, there was really no need to get all worked up, right?

No, there definitely was. He felt like a pervert feeling himself warm up at the thought of messing around with your intimate pieces of clothing without you here. But that feeling didn’t stop him from doing what he was about to do next. 

He kicked his shoes off, making his way to your bed and laying amongst your sheets. Flipping over on his stomach, he buried his face in your pillow letting out a soft sigh. It smelled like you, sweet and safe, mixed with the stench of clean linens. He laid like that a little longer, the feeling of sleep trying to grasp him and almost winning. It wasn't until he shifted around to lay on his back that he noticed the tent forming in between his legs.

“Jesus…” he muttered to himself, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He was definitely more in love with you then he’d thought. You were always so understanding… so willing to let him explore his sexuality comfortably. but also so independent and level-headed, you just had so many qualities to you that he absolutely loved and made him feel loved and maybe that’s why just the thought of you drove him mad and never failed to awaken something deep inside of him. His heart swelled up each time you crossed his mind and for that he knew he was truly deep in some shit. 

For fuck’s sake- he was getting hard just being in your most intimate spaces- without you even here next to him!

He closed his eyes, hands fisting the sheets lightly. He didn’t want to get off right now, at least not until you got back or something. But the idea of also getting off in your bed, while you weren’t there next to him was also kind of exciting. He laid still for a few minutes, mentally giving himself a time frame to see if his erection would go away and if it softened- then that was that; if it didn’t… well he’d cross that bridge when he got there.

And much to his surprise, it didn’t soften. Getting up from your bed, he paced around your room. He was really contemplating the idea of getting off, wondering if he should text you and ask; you know- for the sake of being polite. But that idea sounded stupid and truthfully, he couldn’t bring himself to ask, not wanting to face any judgment you might have (little to his knowledge, you found it hot that San had his little perv-y moments- but you weren’t going to tell him that). 

Amongst his pacing, his hip bumped into one of your dresser drawers that had been left slightly open amidst your morning routine.

“Ah- fuck!” San grabbed his hip, rubbing harshly to soothe the pain. He looked down at the drawer he bumped into, noticing a mixture of patterns of lace and cotton intertwining with each other. His curiosity never failed to get the best of him, he reached for the drawer, hooking his fingers around the edge and pulling it open, bracing himself.

He’d already known what to expect when he opened the drawer quite truthfully, but god did he still feel a little shameful when he felt his cock twitch in his sweats looking at your panties that laid messily folded in the drawer below him.

He reached for the contents hesitantly, his eyes catching on a pair he remembered you wearing for one of your date nights. It was a black lace piece, the pattern soft and elegant like you, he thought to himself, with a tiny little pink rose placed atop a bow. that night you’d worn them, you and San were leaving a restaurant when your shoelaces had come undone- and ever the gentleman, San had offered to tie it for you. Insisting that he didn’t want you to bend down and worry about your skirt riding up or you flashing anyone, and maybe he’d taken a quick look up your skirt when you weren’t looking (you definitely noticed) but that was a story for another day.

Once he grabbed the panties, he noticed that the lace was a lot smoother in his hands than he thought, he wondered if you’d ever bought lingerie for him- or for your other past partners. He shook the thought from his head, not wanting to think about you being with other people right now- past or not.

His mind wandered as he remembered the first time you laid in front of him, in his shirt and panties, his hot come laying on your mound as you looked completely fucked out. San’s grip tightened around your panties as he debated this dilemma internally.

“Fuck it,” he muttered to himself as he closed the drawer with his other hand and made his way to your bed. He moved around, so that his body was half sitting up and half laying down against your sheets. If he was going to do this, he wanted to at least be comfortable.

 His cock was throbbing and it was starting to be painful, that familiar wet patch seeping its way through his underwear and sweats as if welcoming him for indulging in his sinful desires.

He bunched his shirt to his chest and pulled his bottoms down to just above his knees; his cock slapping against his naval, red and shiny.

He let out a soft moan at the contact, mind turning to mush as the smell of your sheets was making him feel so… safe. He gripped himself at the base, bringing his other hand that had your panties to his nose. his hand flinched, his thoughts making him second guess himself one last time before he inhaled deeply, tightening his grip around his cock.

“Fuck,” he whined, inhaling your panties one last time before bringing it to the tip of his cock and slowly wrapping the fabric around himself. The feeling of the lace was different and for a split second his mind entertained the idea of what it’d be like to wear them while he got himself off to the thought of you, but he was too desperate now- the thought leaving his mind just as fast as it had entered his head. 

He palmed the head of his cock, the lace rubbing against his slit, while his other hand tugged at his balls.

He felt dirty, filthy… utterly sinful. But he didn’t care as he kept stroking himself as he remembered the blissful look of you coming hard on that toy you’d both picked out. The hand that was tugging himself found his way up his stomach, lightly raking his nails against the skin before sliding under his shirt and stopping at his hardened nipple.

“Baby, please,” he whined softly. It was useless to beg, you weren’t there of course but he couldn’t help himself. He pictured himself between your legs again, this time having you ride his face. Using him however you wanted, his tongue prodding against your hole as he sucked and sucked and sucked against your clit. 

He flicked his nipple before giving it a quick pinch, his hips jerking off the bed against his panty-covered hand. He moved his hand free from his chest, bringing it down to his cock so both of his hands were wrapped around his shaft. Your panties covered his tip completely as he began to rut his hips upwards, both hands moving along with his hips.

He was close, so fucking close and it was all happening to quick.

“Fuck,” San groaned, “fuckfuckfuck,” his hips moved faster as his imagination kept going on and on with different scenarios of how he wanted to ravish you. Images of him fucking you in every position you could imagine, ran through his head. 

But the one that sent him over the edge was you on top, riding him dangerously slow, playing with your tits. In his head, you’d reached down and grabbed his chin, asking him so sweetly to look at you and open his mouth- and he did. you’d lean over him, letting go of his chin before making him stick his tongue out and grabbing the tip of it with your fingers and holding it firmly, leaning down and whispering obscene things to him- about him.

How he was so good for you, letting you fuck him dumb and never even imagining that he’d let you take control of him like this.

“Oh my fucking god I’m gonna come, please, oh my god,” San whined. “Wanna be good for you, so fucking good baby, please, feels so fucking good.” 

His hips stuttered as his eyes closed shut, a deep moan coming from his chest. He opened his eyes enough to look down, he felt like he couldn’t stop coming, his come seeping through your panties and sliding down his fisted hands.

For his own, twisted pleasure, he continued to stroke himself. Swiping at some of his come and bringing it to his slit, running his index finger back and forth. His body shivered, he wondered to himself if he could come again- Maybe if he really tried, but he knew as long as you ran through his head, anything was possible.

However, he was snapped out of his post-orgasm daze when his phone began to ring. He searched the bed looking for the sound, finally grabbing his phone and seeing your name flash against the screen. His heart pounded against his chest as he hit the green button.

“Hey, babe, what’s up?” He cleared his throat in hopes of not sounding too… off.

“Hey, was just calling ‘cause you weren’t answering my texts- just wanted to make sure you were good.” 

You mumbled something after that he couldn’t make out, hearing a faint honking noise in the background. 

“Anyways, I'm on my way back to the apartment, but wanted to see if you needed me to stop and get anything? You hungry?”

“No, I'm okay, just drive safe. I miss you.”

You laughed.

“I miss you, too, baby. You okay, though? You sound kinda off?”

“No- yeah, yeah I’m fine! Was just dozing off waiting for you, s’all.”

“Mhm… right.” 

Your voice dragged, not entirely convinced. 

“Okay, well, I’m not that far so I'll see you in a sec. Love you!”

“I love you more,” and with that you both hung up.

San set his phone down, laying his head back against your pillows as he looked up at the ceiling. He felt himself soften in his hands, the lace of the panties laying across more of his lower half. He entertained the thought more adequately this time, wondering what it’d be like to wear something like this, how would he look if you fucked him stupid while he wore-

“What the fuck?” he mumbled to himself, shaking his head as if to rid himself physically from the thought. He got up, looking for something to clean himself with as he tried to figure out where to put your now-stained panties.

Once that was decided, he laid back in your bed. Shuffling under the covers and recapping everything that had happened within the last hour. He shut his eyes briefly and on cue, the door beeped, signaling you had just gotten home.

He laughed to himself both in disbelief and embarrassment, you were really making him question everything. But for some reason, he didn’t mind as long as it was you.

-

It had been a few days after you had run your errands and had come back home to San lying around (quite suspiciously might you add) in your bed.

You didn't want to press him on it, but that didn’t keep you from having your own suspicions. Letting whatever it was that he was hiding, to let it be. Which you figured it couldn't have been that bad to begin with regardless, just that he had maybe been a bit... mischievous.

But it was the thought of him being alone in your room for that long, and knowing him, he intentionally or unintentionally snooped around.

Today was a laundry day though, you had grabbed your hamper and dumped the clothes on your floor so you could separate the delicates and the colors.

Amidst your separating, you noticed the black lace pair you'd worn ages ago, on one of the first dates that you and San had gone on.

You guys were walking back to the car when he had stopped you, letting you know your shoelace had come undone. Just as you were about to bend down and tie your shoe, he stopped you, insisting you shouldn't because you were wearing a skirt and he didn't want you to be uncomfortable. As he fell to his knees, you shifted your legs slightly, moving one foot out so he could tie your shoe easier. In doing so, your skirt raised, allowing your underwear to be seen. San's head turned, taking a quick peek and trying to memorize the lace pattern that was laying across your skin. You definitely noticed, turning your head away and smiling to yourself.

You reached for the pair, wondering to yourself when it was that you had worn them, dropping them once you realized that the pair had faint, white residue. Your eyebrows furrowed as you thought of all possibilities as to why your underwear would have dry cum on them.

Did... San...? You wondered, before thinking of ways in which you should ask him about it, or even if you wanted to. You decided to leave it be for now, ready to be over with your daily chores for the day.

-

[new notifications]

y/n: babe~

y/n: r u ready

y/n: im abt to be there in 5 :] 

San's phone buzzed from his shelf as he finished gathering up the rest of his items for your guy's trip. It was your first trip together, and he wasn't too sure about you, but he was definitely excited because this was finally going to be it. 

You had both talked about finally going all the way together, and San insisted at least creating a little world away from the craziness of your everyday lives so he could fully enjoy you. You thought it was sweet and honestly, he was the only boyfriend you had who was so adamant on constantly trying to create the perfect atmosphere to show his deep love for you, and it made your heart swell every single time.

His phone buzzed again, he glanced down at his watch, seeing a new message from you saying you were here. He walked over to the shelf where his phone was, grabbing it along with his weekend bag and heading out.

You waited patiently in the car, your thumbs tapping against the steering wheel to the rhythm of the music playing in the background. You snapped out of your mindless daze when you felt a knock against the window, you turned your head, meeting San's eyes as he pointed to the back of your car, signaling you to open the trunk.

Moments later he was sliding in the passenger seat next to you, leaning over the console and placing a soft kiss on your cheek.

"Hi baby," he said as he leaned back and hastened his seat belt over his chest, securing it in the buckle.

You smiled, "Hi, how'd you sleep?"

"Good, I think," he reached for your hand as you put the car in drive, listening idly to where the GPS was telling you to go. "Missed you, was excited all night for this trip," he brought your hand up to his lips, pressing a soft kiss.

You hummed, "You're awfully affectionate today, you really missed me that much, huh?"

San let out a light laugh, "I miss you everyday."

A comfortable silence shortly fell between the both of you as you continued to drive.

-

You pulled up to the Airbnb, which San had reserved for the holiday weekend. Calm waves hit the shore, and the sound of birds chirping echoed softly in the distance.

You put the car in park, nudging San slightly to get his attention.

"Look," you nodded your head in front of you. "Isn't it beautiful?"

"Wow," San leaned forward in his seat, his mouth open in awe. "It is... can't believe we get to spend the holiday here."

"C'mon, let's go check it out," you smiled before stepping out of the car.

You made your way to the house, San following behind. You opened the door, taking note of the spacious interior.

You felt San's arms wrap around you, him leaning down and placing soft kisses along your cheek before making his way up to your ear.

"All this space just for us, hm," he poked his tongue out, laying a soft lick against your lobe. "Wanna take you on every. Single. Surface."

You leaned back against him, your eyes fluttering shut at the feeling of him being so close.

"Yeah yeah, you can after we get settled in," you hummed, pushing yourself off him and making your way further into the house. You set your keys on the counter, taking one last look at the Airbnb before turning back to San and making your way to the door. As you were about to pass him, your hands tapped at his chest before pulling him with you.

"C'mon, you nasty boy, let's unload the car," You said, a light laugh from San following shortly after.

-

You stepped out the restroom, your robe hanging carelessly around your body as you tried drying off your hair as best as you could.

"Babe, I still don't know why we can't just shower together," San grumbled from the bed.

"'Cause," you mumbled, making your way to your suitcase. "I still get shy."

You rummaged through your clothes, looking for some undergarments and a lounge shirt. Quickly slipping them on, your eyes caught a peek at that specific pair you brought with you. You turned around to quickly glance at San, seeing that he was sprawled on the bed, shirtless and in sweats. His arms were crossed over his face as he mindlessly sung to himself. You reached down for the pair, finally turning around and tossing them onto San's chest.

His body gently flinched at the contact in surprise, before he moved his arms down and looked at what was laying on his chest. His body froze.

"Y'know I'd been meaning to ask you if those looked familiar," You said as you walked over to the bed, climbing your way up to seat yourself in San's lap. He looked up at you, his ears and face turning flush as he hummed in response.

"I was doing my laundry before the trip and well," You reached for the underwear before dragging it across his stomach. "I like to separate my delicates and colors and such... and I couldn't help but notice those were dirty."

"I also couldn't remember the last time I had worn them, at least recently. Do you know what they were dirty with, San?" 

He looked up at you briefly, his cheeks flushed and eyes full of guilt. Despite that, you felt him growing hard underneath you. you didn't give him a chance to answer before leaning down next to his ear and whispering, "They were dirty with someone's cum, baby... can you believe it?"

He let out a soft groan, his hands reaching for your waist before making their way down to your ass and gently groping you.

"Fine, fine. I'm guilty, you got me." His eyes squeezed shut as he gripped your ass more rough, before rolling his hips up into you.

You gasped, your chest pressing flush against San. "I wasn't expecting you to admit it so fast."

"Yeah, I know. I'm embarrassed, but right now I don't care. Just want you to touch me," His hands removed themselves from your ass before bringing them up to the back of your neck and pulling you into a kiss.

The kiss was slow and lazy, your hands making their way to lay gently on top of San's chest.

"Mm, babe," your voice muffled against San's lips, he hummed, pressing his lips harder and grabbing your ass tighter. You managed to pull away, pressing your forehead against his, opening your eyes slightly to see his eyes still shut.

"San," you whispered, pulling away completely to look down at him from being seated in his lap. You took note of the way his body stayed flush, the light sheen of sweat glistening in the dim light, his pink swollen lips, to the way his sweats were snug around his hard cock. 

"Why don't you..." Your hands slowly moved around his chest, the tips of your fingers grazing his skin like a feather, before stopping at the buds of his nipples. "Why don't you show me how you made a mess on my panties in the first place, huh?" Your fingers moved on their own, lightly pinching the buds between them and giving them a soft tug, testing the waters.

San moaned, his shoulders squirming against the mattress, "S-show you? Yeah, yeah I can do that, j-just lemme- ah," He opened his eyes to look up at you, the glossy look he had during moments like this never failing to make you weak. He lightly tapped your ass, signaling you to get off him, in which you complied. You shuffled along the bed until your back was leaning against the headboard, your shirt scrunched to your waist leaving the top of your thighs exposed. San moved next to you, moving himself around the bed until he managed to squirm his way to lay between your legs, his back pressed against your stomach and his head resting against your shoulder.

"You..." San's hands found their way to lay on the sides of your thighs, gently squeezing. "You said to show you, so I just thought... that maybe this would be... the best view I could give you." San's voice barely above a whisper, his head turning to look up at you. You nodded, looking back at him, leaning in to give him a quick kiss, your legs bending to place your feet on his waistband, doing your best attempt at trying to slide his sweats down.

His hands wrapped your ankles, leaning forward and giving each one a swift kiss before gently placing them on either side of his hips and laying back against you. He shimmied his way out his sweats before kicking them to the edge of the bed, his naked body on full display before you.

"It feels nicer like this," San said, his voice having a gravel edge to it. "When I was in your bed, I didn't have the luxury to be naked like I am now.." his cock looked angry laying against his stomach, beads of pre-cum smearing against the tight skin of his lower stomach. You stared in awe, before looking briefly at San's face, his hair falling into his eyes. You reached a hand to lay in his hair, swiping the hair upwards and running your nails gently back and forth against his scalp. San sighed, his cock jolting against his stomach, his head following the caresses of your hand.

"Y/n... you know," San’s hands clenched repeatedly against his sides before reaching down to wrap around his length. “There was so much that I was thinking about when I was laying in your bed.”

His hands massaged his length slowly, occasionally reaching down to tug at his balls before continuing his ministrations on himself.

You felt the wetness growing between your legs, your eyes skimming every part of his body displayed before you. the sheen of sweat forming at the base of his neck and trailing down the wide expanse of his chest. Your hands moved to his shoulders, gently caressing down his arms.

You hummed waiting for him to continue, shifting your hips as best as you could in your current position.

“You were on top, riding my face, and I was letting you do whatever you wanted to me, it just- ah- felt so good... knowing you were so good- feelin’ so good and-” San let out a loud moan, throwing his head back against your shoulder, eyes screwed shut. his hands tugged harder at his length, his thumb playing at the sensitive slit.

“What else, hm?” Your hands made their way to his nipples, testing the waters again and gently grazing against the hardened buds.

San's body caved in on itself at the sudden contact, rushing to tell you to wait.

“You okay?” You managed to get out, feeling your chest squeeze.

“Sorry, yes yes, I’m okay, it’s just.. if you keep doing that I’ll come too soon.”

"Here, lemme get up." 

San moved forward to let you move from behind him. 

"Lay back." 

His hand released his cock as he shifted around before finally grabbing a pillow and resting it behind his head. You shuffled to sit on top of him, not fully planting all your body weight down. San's breath hitched. Your hands reached for the knot of your robe, slowly untying it to reveal yourself before San and letting it fall down the expanse of your shoulders and back. 

San's eyes focused on every part of you, the way your nipples were perked from being aroused and the slight cool air that was slowly turning hot. The way your soft flesh was flushed, the way your thighs looked caging his frame at his hips. But his eyes really caught focus on the way your pussy was beginning to drip with wetness onto his cock. "Is this okay?" You quietly asked, leaning forward to rest your hands on either side of his head. 

"Perfect, you're perfect. It's perfect. C'mere." San reached around the best he could to pull you down to meet his lips by the back of your neck. His hands resting on either side of your face, thumbs caressing your cheeks as your tongues swirled around each other. You felt yourself relaxing, your chest pressed against his and finally seating yourself on top of his cock. San moaned, his hips bucking up quickly, the tip of his cock briefly rubbing against your bundle of nerves. You pulled away from his lips, meeting his eyes before resting your forehead on his. 

"Did you want to... you know," Your voice trailed off in a whisper. 

"Please, yes. Yes, did you-" 

"We can stay like this if that's okay with you, I really don't mind." 

"That's okay," San gulped. Suddenly feeling his nerves spike. He wasn't worried about anything other than cumming quickly. Which would be as expected, considering his circumstances. But he had some hope that he could last at least enough time to help you reach your climax. Regardless, he trusted you.

You pushed yourself up, suddenly feeling anxious. You reached down to grab at the base San's cock, lining it up with your entrance. You could feel San's eyes staring at where his cock and your pussy were able to meet. He felt heavy in your hands, each throb a reflection of his unwavering desire for you. You lowered yourself on him, your essence making it easier for you to slide down. It had obviously been a while since you had actual sex, and pleasuring yourself did not compare to the feeling of having the man you loved inside you. The tip of his cock had pushed through, you felt yourself clench around the intrusion. You and San let out a moan in unison. 

"Why- Why do I feel like I'm gonna come?" San said in a strained voice as his hands fisted the sheets, stomach tensing beneath you. 

"Just- Wait-" You breathed out, letting all your weight down on San's cock. The feeling of him stuffed fully inside of you made you feel dizzy nonetheless. San let out a long whine, he pushed himself up from the mattress to meet your body, pulling you in a tight hug. 

"I love you so much, so so much. You don't even understand." San grumbled into the crook of your neck, placing kisses along the spot where your ear and neck met. You let out a needy whine, reaching your arms around his back to embrace him as well. You moved your hips as best as you could given the current position, grinding in small circles. San pulled away, one of his hands reaching to grope at your chest. 

He leaned down, kissing along the valley of your chest that led down to your nipple. His mouth closed around the perked bud, his tongue swirling around delicately. You let out a moan, your hands reaching up to take hold of his hair, nails gently scraping against his scalp before gently tugging at the roots.

San's hands reached around you again, his nails softly scratching down against the expanse of your back before finding purchase on your ass. He gripped the flesh with firmness, pulling you down as he tried to buck up into you. The tip of his cock grazed the cervix ever so slightly, causing you to let out a sharp whine. 

"Sannie, baby, do that- do that again." That was the first time San heard you call him that. It triggered something in him, but he couldn't quite explain it. He brought your hips down again as he bucked up into you, leaning forward and clumsily capturing your lips in a kiss. 

His cock twitched inside you, it didn't take much to know that he was close. You were honestly surprised that he had held out this long but then again you two had fooled around before this so how surprising could it really have been. You pulled away from his lips, leaning in for one last peck before moving your hips with more fervor. 

"C'mon baby, I know you're close. It's okay, you can let it out."

If you had to ask San to relive one moment from his life again before he died, he'd think he'd confidently say that it'd be this moment. He actually might be dramatic, it would probably be an entirely different moment, but his mental, his senses, his heart, was so consumed with the thought of you that he was sure that if he died right now, he’d die a happy man.

There was something about the way that you always softly demanded him or guided him during these intimate moments- there was a gentleness mixed with a sternness in your demeanor that drove him insane.

He gave one last buck of his hips, the plushness of your ass jiggling slightly against his hands before he felt the tension that was in his balls release.

San held you close, his head falling on your shoulder and leaning into the crook of your neck. The loud groan being the only thing that you could hear, you felt your body shudder at the feeling of hot ropes of cum painting your gummy walls. You sat there on the bed in each other’s embrace for what felt like an eternity, San was the first to say something.

“Baby.”

You hummed, your hands rubbing up and down his back, your fingertips grazing his skin with the softest caress you could muster.

“Can I eat you out?”

“What?” You pulled away to look San in the eyes, only to find him avoiding your gaze.

“I’m serious, I know you didn’t get to… finish and I don’t really care that you know…”

You shook your head, moving to get off him to lay down. The feeling of his cock instantly slipping out of you having your pussy clench. You were stuffed full of him seed, not realizing how much he’d actually came until it began to dribble down the insides of your thighs.

You settled on your back, eyes shut from shyness.

“Fuck,” You heard San whisper as he turned his body to get a better view at you. His hands grabbed at your knees pushing them forward to your chest.

“Hold them for me.”

“No way…”

“What?”

“I still can’t believe you’re this nasty, San. Are you sure you haven’t been jukin’ me this whole time?” You let out a breathy laugh, your pussy clenching again as San’s hands massaged the back of your thighs before dragging them closer to your pussy.

He laughed with you, his pointer fingers spreading your lips open. You couldn’t help but moan, feeling his seed dribble down. 

“Say you want it,” San said, pausing his movements.

“What?”

“Say you want it- tell me how bad you want it,” San’s eyes stayed focused on the way you kept clenching around nothing.

This was definitely new, San never feigned feeling some type of way about always falling into a more submissive role during your previous intimate times together. You could confidently say this was a type of reassurance he wanted. You felt yourself gulp, eyes screwing shut once again.

“Want it…” You mumbled. Before you even had the chance to repeat yourself louder, you felt a sharp sting on your inner thigh which ignited a surprised yelp from you. You hadn’t expected the palm of his hand to meet so harshly with your skin.

“Sorry I-”

“It’s okay, San. I promise it’s okay- God, please do that again, want it so bad. Want you so fucking bad, please. Just fucking do something.”

San couldn’t understand what he was feeling, seeing your fucked out face, squirming and moaning for him to touch you. It was always him that was left to this role, and don’t get him wrong- he definitely enjoyed it. You made him feel safe and comforted, but prior to this trip when he had wondered about your previous partners and finally losing his virginity to you… he really couldn’t help but wonder how he could make you feel that same safe feeling during sex that you never failed to make him feel.

He wanted you to crave him the same way he craved you.

He quickly maneuvered himself to be eye level with your core and wasted no time in wrapping his lips around you. His tongue poked and prodded at your hole, tasting himself on his lips. He pressed his palms down into your thighs trying to spread you out the best he could as he continued to suck and lick at your most sensitive parts.

“Wait, oh fuck- Don’t stop.” You threw your head back into the mattress, you could feel your clit throbbing as you tried bucking your hips up into San’s mouth.

“Right there, you’re doing so good, baby. Right there- fuck-”

San felt his chest grow in pride, continuing to lick and prod at your clit. His tongue swirled around the overstimulated bud, he could feel your legs switching between relaxed and tensed. He pressed his tongue flat against your core, letting you grind against his face. He was determined to make you cum without his fingers.

“Oh my god- I’m gonna- Shit, I’m coming baby, I’m coming, ooh my god,” You let out a long whine, trying to shut your legs around San’s head but with no prevail. 

It happened suddenly, your orgasm crashing down and in a blink of an eye you felt one of your things being pressed open while you felt fingers enter you.

“Wha-”

“Gimme one last one, I know you can.”

Somehow San had moved to be parallel from your laying body, hovering above you as best as he could while his fingers drilled into you tight cunt.

His eyes focused on your face, the way you struggled to keep your eyes open and your eyebrows were pursed forward. There was no real rhythm to his fingers, part of him had only vaguely remembered how people fingered each other in videos. And even he knew those weren’t good examples to go off of.

“Come on, baby. I know you can cum for me one more time.”

Your mouth fell open in a silent moan, and suddenly all you could feel was San in every one of your senses. His smell, his body heat, his presence, his gaze on you… he was clouding every bit of your mental. The knot if your stomach was ready to snap, and you couldn’t even bring yourself to try and tell San that he was hitting that sweet spot. Could he even tell? You didn’t think so, but you could tell this orgasm was going to be different from all your prev-

“Look at you, holy fuck-” San began rubbing your clit quickly. “Baby, you’re fucking squirting for me.”

Your ears were ringing, and truthfully you could barely hear what San was saying. Your mind was entirely clouded, and you didn’t even have the strength to respond. Your body shuddered, and all you could muster up was weakly wrapping your arms around San and pulling him down on top of you.

“Hey, you okay?” San’s voice never failed to show his concern as he tried turning in your grasp to get a look at you.

You weakly hummed in response before speaking, trying to wrap your arms more comfortably around him.

“Feels like… feels like I’m on a cloud. Don’t want you to leave me, feels good. Here- Feels good you’re here. With me.” You rambled, fighting to keep your eyes open.

“I’m not going anywhere, baby.” San whispered, softly kissing the first piece of skin his lips could reach. He moved one of his hands to rest at your side, caressing his thumb back and forth lightly.

“Was it too much? I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-” San mumbled into your skin.

“Shh.” San looked up at your face expectantly.

“I like this side of you, too, it was perfect, Sannie.”

He smiled, leaning back down to give you a swift kiss.

“You did good for me, by the way. And of course, always an overachiever…” There was a tilt to San’s voice as he spoke.

“Me? That’s definitely you, I was fine with not finishing after you came.”

“Oh really? Well, I wasn’t,” he playfully retorted.

“And this is why you’re mine, because you treat me so well,” you smiled, eyes still shut.

“And on that note, lemme get you cleaned up.”

“I don’t wanna take another shower right now, can we at least nap for a little before we do? I genuinely can’t feel my legs, I think.” 

“Fine, but I’m setting a timer for an hour. At least go pee.” San got up, his bare body facing away from you as he reached into one of his bags that was placed on one of the chairs in the corner of them. He walked back towards you, opening a package of wipes, gently wiping at the insides of your thighs as best as he could. He reached down to grab hold of your hand, tugging slightly to pull you up.

“An hour…” you echoed with a slight pout, looking back at San.

“Two at most.” You felt a content smile creeping on your face.

“Hold on, I’m gonna carry you, m’kay?” He reached hold of your back, lifting you so you could wrap your legs around his torso as he walked to the bathroom.

He placed you on the tile floor, stepping away and shutting the door behind him.

“I’m gonna strip the bed sheets, we might have to run into town to grab some detergent to wash… Lemme know when you’re about to come out though so I can grab your robe.” San’s head peaked through the door, giving you one last smile.

“Thank you.”

And with that he closed the door behind him.

-

You woke up to the alarm San had set going off and feeling insanely hot, your robe was exposing your naked body underneath and your legs were tangled with San’s.

In fact, most of his body was practically smothering yours and though you loved him dearly, you needed him to get off of you to cool down.  

You did your best to wiggle yourself free, but to no avail, San’s arms stayed holding you tightly.

“Why you trynna run away from me, huh?” San grumbled against your hair.

“I’m not running away, you’re literally a furnace.”

You tried kicking the blankets off with the little leg strength you had. San threw his leg over yours, pulling you as close as possible. Both of you fell into a fit of laughter, trying to squirm for freedom.

“San, let. Me. Go.” You laughed, pushing your body weight against him to free yourself from his hold.

“Never.”

“Please.”

“Nope.”

“You said we would only take a nap for two hours and then rinse off.”

��I know what I said.”

You laughed, eyebrows raised at his sudden sassiness.

“So since you know, let’s get up. You wanna run into town later, right?”

San hummed, his hand coming up from holding you to push your robe further off your back. His lips began softly kissing at your hot skin.

“Lemme have you one more time before we shower.” He grumbled, his lips now puckering to suck love bites against your shoulder. His hips pressed forward and you felt his cock begin to get hard against your lower back just above the swell of your ass.

“Seriously.” You moaned in disbelief, pushing your hips back to meet his. His teeth nipped at your skin, not hard enough to cause you any pain but enough to feel yourself getting aroused.

“I’ll make it quick, I promise.”

“Fine.” You huffed out, letting yourself relax your body into San’s, letting him touch you however he pleased.

San was right, he made it quick. He had his way with you while you guys spooned, thrusting his hips shallowly against your ass as he hit all your sweet spots. This vacation was definitely going to have both of you spent, and with San’s new found stamina, you were unsure if you were really going to be able to keep up.

-

It wasn’t long until you guys finally found the courage to get up and rinse off, deciding to finally make your way into town and grab a few things from the grocers.

“You said we needed detergent, yeah?” You said, pushing the cart down the aisle as San focused on items on the shelf.

“Yeah, detergent and then whatever snacks you want.”

“Snacks… okay, you want me to meet you in the frozen section?”

“That’s fine. I’mma grab some fruits and other stuff then head that way.”

You hummed, making your way to the other side of the store to select your items.

Five minutes, maybe ten at most, had passed until San finally made his way back to meet up with you. Reaching the cart, he dumped his items in.

“Ready?”

“Yeah let’s-” You stopped, eyes falling on two bottles of lube that San had thrown in with the rest of his items that consisted of sugary snacks and fruit.

“What?” He paused, waiting for you to finish. His eyes trailed down to what you were looking out before continuing, “Look you can never have too much, okay? Also, I made a promise when we first got here.”

And with that, San walked his way to the front of the store where the registers were, turning around briefly to motion you to follow before walking again.

-

When you guys had gotten back from the store, you both decided to put in a frozen pizza in the oven and ate quickly, finding refuge on the couch shortly after to relax. You guys had the bed sheets in the washer, currently laid up on the couch. The television played some movie that San had decided on, something about volleyball, you weren’t tracking too much to be quite frank.

You laid on top of San, feeling his heartbeat pound against your ear. His hands gently scratched against your back, as if he were to press any harder you’d break.

“Y/N?” San softly spoke, his hands stopping in place.

“Hmm..” Your eyes fought to stay open, exhaustion and content consuming your body after the day’s events.

“Everything was okay, yeah?” San’s voice trailed off, almost as if he felt embarrassed to even ask you. You knew what he was implying. You lifted your head to look him in the eyes.

“It was perfect. I’m glad you trust me, San. Seriously. And I’m so glad you let me love you the way you needed and let me show you how much I love you.”

San’s lips fell into a soft pout, he felt a lump in his throat. He didn’t say anything, instead he pulled you down for a tender kiss. It was sweet, there was no sexual intentions behind this one, just pure unadulterated love from the both of you.

“I love you, like a lot. Like for eternity, even.” San said as he pulled away from the kiss, smiling up at you.

“I love you for eternity, too.” You smiled back, giving him one last peck before laying your head back on his chest and succumbing to the sleepiness that slowly invaded your mind.

And the rest of your time on your vacation get-a-way was spent like that. Spending time with another, sharing affectionate moments and sweet words. San was true to his word, he took you on every surface in that house that he could defile you on. The kitchen counters, the table, the couch, the shower, even the stairs. He’d gone through a bottle and a half of lube since he had purchased it that first day there and you were more than sure the way he was fucking you, in all these different positions and with his stamina in mind, he was surely going to end up putting a baby in you.

One thing you had begun to realize about San though- well, a few things- was how he loved coming inside you and watching you push it out. As if he couldn’t wrap his head around that all of that seed was really his. Also that he really liked making you squirt- it wasn’t something you’d known before that you were capable of doing, so to have a guy who had very little sexual experience, make you do that, was truly mind-boggling.

After your vacation, you noticed your energy shift between each other for the better. San had passed his horny phase, and overall had just enjoyed being romantically intimate just as much as he enjoyed being sexually intimate. Not that he hadn’t been that way before, but it definitely felt more comfortable to express those sides of him naturally. You both brought out new sides of each other and to be able to express that so comfortably and safely was more than perfect.

Time had passed and yet another school year had finally come to an end, summer was approaching quickly.

“You heading back home for the summer?” San asked as you guys strolled along the trail that went through the campus park. His hands played with the ends of your hair as you walked, his eyes looking at you expectantly.

“Hmm, I thought about it, my lease ends right before summer starts so it at least gives me time to really think but, honestly I don’t wanna…”

“Come with me.”

“What?” You stopped walking, turning to look at San.

“I mean come with me for the summer. I’m going back home and we have a spare room if anything since my sister doesn’t live at the house anymore…” His voice trailed off as his hands removed themself from your hair, bringing them forward and stuffing them in his pockets.

“Well… I mean, are your parents okay with-”

“I already asked them… last month. And again last week, I didn’t tell them it was for sure though because I wasn’t sure how to bring it up to you but if you do decide to come, they’re okay with it and they’re super excited to meet you. No pressure though.” San chewed on his lower lip, avoiding your eyes.

You grabbed his wrists, taking his hands out of his pockets and bringing his hands to your lips, giving each one a soft kiss. Your eyes met his, and you found him looking back at you fondly with a faint blush creeping on his cheeks. He was trying hard to fight the smile that so desperately wanted to be on display for you and only you.

“Well, then. I would love to spend the summer with you and your family.” You pulled him forward to kiss his lips quickly, before pulling away and leading him down the trail of the park.

This upcoming summer was definitely going to be one to remember, and you were more than excited to spend it with the one you loved most.

[fruitheart]

my lover Sinister!Mark Grayson x Reader

cw; dark content, mdni. abusive relationships, canon-typical violence. note; sorry i've been gone for so long!! anyways enjoy lolol. also this mark is alternate universe mark!! Bloodied and bruised knuckles, with bones that were surely broken. Aching pain that didn't seem to let up, not that either of you would let it, a nasty back-and-forth of violence as you each struck the other. Each hit seemed harder than the last, with the emotional weight that carried within it only making the impact all the harsher. Placing a hand to his chest, nails that dug into the cloth of his attire, you pulled your other hand back before colliding it with the side of his head. A right hook that sent him hurdling backwards with a head that rung.

In his universe, you wouldn't have been strong enough to hit him like this, to cause this much damage. In your universe, he'd never have done anything for you to hit him to begin with. Mark would have never been one to hit you. Your Mark.

This wasn't your Mark.

In your universe, you failed to protect him, you costed him his life. In his universe, he took your own life, from what he'd have believed to be mercy. You were going to die regardless, that's what he believed. He wanted to take it himself, in an act of pity and warped love. He was saving you.

But here each of you stood, with faces the other knew well.

Mark grunted, standing up from being knocked back. Snorting and coughing up phlegm that mixed with his blood. His eyes narrowed, glaring into you as he stood straight. Your eyes frantic and snapping to every little movement he did while you held onto your side, breathing heavy and chest burning. You too, stood straight up, ready for his next move onto you.

He grinned, lop-sided with just a bit of teeth showing, just like your Mark would.

"Take that stupid look off your fucking face." You don't really think it's stupid, do you?

"You can kill it off of me if you hate it that much!" He retorted, unrelenting. Taking a step back before lunging towards you. His arms reaching out and grabbing onto your collar as he lifted you up off the ground and slammed you back down.

You don't hate it, do you?

The feeling of your back hitting the ground made you groan out, air knocked out from your lungs. Hands reaching up to grip onto his as you pulled him down with you. Both of you tumbling and intertwining before you began to punch and kick at each other once more. Blood that mixed and painted each body, staining the skin of one another, it only fueled the adrenaline coursing through veins that ached and pleaded for an end to this. Chests that rose and fell in sync with one another.

You hated it, you hated everything about this. Why, why did he stand before you and why did he have to look exactly like him. To every blemish, freckle and beauty mark that he possessed. Why were you being tormented like this? Was the grief you held not enough? Every waking moment you spent mourning him, was it not enough? Was this your punishment for failing him?

Whatever this was, you didn't want it. Even if everything in you yearned for it. Yearned for him, the feeling of his skin on yours. Yearning for something familiar, for anything that seemed to be resembling what you had lost. Did he feel it too? Did his skin itch to feel against yours?

"I hate you." You spat, "I fucking hate you!" Pitch raising and voice threatening to crack and crumble. Mark's jaw clenched, hands tightening into fists as he threw you, watching you hit the ground.

Gripping onto the ground of this wasteland as he tried to catch his breath, head hung low while he watched you through his lashes in case you'd come for him once more. He watched intently. Your body shook, picking yourself up.

"I'm not a fan of you either!" He coughed, body tense. "Ugh... I don't- know why he kept you alive." Wiping the blood from his mouth with the back of his hand. "Maybe if he got rid of you-"

You already knew what he was going to say.

You knew full well what his next words were going to be. Because the truth was, you often wondered the same thing.

"He'd still be alive." He finished, silence heavy as the only thing that was there to fill it was the sound of the wind whipping around you both and heavy breathing. The words didn't need to leave his mouth, it was always something you thought about. But to hear it from him...

Weak, it made you weak. Tears threatening to spill from your eyes. You tried to focus all your strength in continuing to breathe.

To hear his voice say it. The same voice that helped soothe you in times where he was the only one who could comfort you. The same voice that would coo sweet words into your ears, into your hair and into your skin. It made everything in you burn. Words so cruel, from a face so dear to you, from lips that looked just like his. You looked over to him, eyes heavy. This wasn't your Mark.

This wasn't him.

So why do you keep having to fight with yourself on that. He shouldn't be familiar to you. But everything about him besides how harsh he acted screamed otherwise. Cracked lips separating, words that struggled to come out until you swallowed the very little saliva you had.

"Then-" You huffed, body wobbling back and forth. "Why don't you just-" Throwing yourself at him once more, your hands reached for his throat, tightening around it. Clashing your body into his as you both crashed to the ground, quick to straddle him and keep your hands around his neck with nails that dug into his skin. "Finish the job!" You screamed.

His hands flew towards your wrists, holding them tightly and entirely as he tried to get you to lessen your grip. Eyes wide, bloodshot and staring up at your face. A face he himself, was entirely used to. He opened his mouth, "The same-" His voice strained, "Reason why you won't." Mark clenched his jaw, the grip on your wrists tightening more and more until he knew he was close to snapping every bone in them.

Your nails dug into him harder, skin breaking and tearing until you could feel the blood seep under your fingertips. Heart pounding against your ribcage, a rhythm he was able to hear clearly, even when you were cutting his air off. Body shaking against him, you felt yourself beginning to lose focus. Heart stammering, you stopped breathing for a moment, just to let out a choked gasp. A hold that finally began to weaken which made him let out a sharp breath.

He watched your face twist and scrunch up. Your body hunched, leaning forward as your hair covered your face, a face he thought he'd never see again. Mark was cruel, at least this one was, but the sight of you made him remember feelings he thought he long left. Part of him felt repulsed by it.

Did he feel the same way? Did he yearn for something he once knew? Was he even able to do so?

Mark laid still, unmoving when your head laid against his shoulder. Your body going slack on top of him. It made him think, when was the last time he felt you against him? When was the last time he heard your voice and when was the last time he was able to see every little detail of you so up close like this. Hands finally moving off from his throat, he felt them slide down and press against his chest.

Shaking breaths that made him feel confused, naturally, he would have thrown you off. He would have used this moment to his own advantage, he would have broken every bone in your body until you were nothing more. But he didn't. Just like you didn't strangle the life out from his eyes when you had the chance.

You lifted your head, staring down at him. A moment he relished to an extent; you really were her. You were closer to her than he was to your own Mark.

So similar you could... practically replace her.

You could be her.

Lips parting once more, you spoke, "I hate you." So much irony in such a statement when he had the face of a boy you'd have done anything for.

Mark couldn't hear what you were saying anymore, the sound of your heart pounding against your chest drowned it out, a melody he found himself wanting to hear more of. Maybe it was the amount of blood he had lost, maybe it was the way he could feel the heat of your body on top of his. You smelled just like her, you felt just like her. A body so warm, with a shape that he was so familiar with. It only unveiled an animalistic emotion within him; primal and desperate, hungry.

The way your eyes bore into his, it did nothing to help the on-growing need to consume you whole. Flesh and blood, every strength and weakness you held. He wanted it all until there was nothing left. He wanted you in ruins until there was nothing more to ruin.

Neither of you moved, bodies pressed one another, still and unwilling to pull apart. Even if the feeling of disgust and shame loomed over you, for him, that didn't exist. Even if you wanted to pull away, the only thing that kept you from doing so was the face of your lover staring back at you. The only thing that kept him from doing so was the temptation. You hated it, he'd live fine with it. You were broken, lost and grieving; he was starved.

After what seemed like ages, his hands moved their way to your arms. Grip tightening before deciding to push it further, moving to reach for your face and pull you down and towards his own.

This was wrong. It wasn't right, no, you shouldn't do this.

You shouldn't.

It didn't matter. Did it ever? Lips brushing against lips, pressing against so roughly they were sure to bruise if they hadn't already from the earlier assault. You weren't sure if that was your blood you were tasting or his; he couldn't care less. Mark sat himself up, bringing you down onto him as he did so, sure to never break a kiss that shouldn't even be happening. Shaking hands reaching up to hold onto his shoulders as his pressed against the small of your back to hold you in place.

This was filthy, it was all wrong. The guilt only made itself all the more known the longer his lips moved against yours. This wasn't your Mark, but it felt like him. Your body recognized it as him, even if you didn't want it to. Huffs of air that passed through chapped lips and teeth, he wouldn't let you go if you bothered trying to pull away, but you didn't. Mouth moving to graze his teeth against sweet flesh, the urge to sink his teeth deep in until all he could hear was the blood gushing out and your pained screaming. He wanted it all, he wanted to suffocate himself in it and he wanted it to destroy you. You weren't his, but he wanted to make you exactly that, no matter if you complied or fought. Letting the canines of his teeth slowly prick the layer of skin, crimson leaking as it only served to quench his thirst and stain him all the more. The intoxicating taste of life oozing into his mouth. His hands gripped onto your sides, rough and needing. You were quick to reach up and hold onto him, the sharp pain in your shoulder making you gasp.

It hurt, all so badly. Everything about it, not just the way his teeth bit and ravished your skin, but the fact that it wasn't who you wanted to do so. Delusions fed on the desperation to find something you had long lost, it's what made him get away with doing this to you. It's what made you let him do this to you. How much of a joke your "I hate you's" were when you found yourself being consumed by him, all because you wanted to imagine just for a bit longer that the love of your life never left you.

If he was going through the same turmoil as you, he didn't show it. Attention zeroed in on holding your body tightly against his, grip fierce like he was half-expecting you to run off. The sickly noise of him lapping at crimson liquid made your stomach sink, it was perverse. Mark's eyes squeezed shut in bliss, hands roaming and digging into the meat of your body, he needed it. Everything about you, he needed it.

With a quiet grunt, he pulled from the skin of your shoulder, drawing his face away from it until he was looking back directly at you. You had never seen your Mark like this, your Mark looked at you with love. This was obsession. You should be sick, disgusted, but it only left you longing for more. Tears ready to spill from your eyes, staring into a face you always pined after. His breathing becoming heavier the more he stared back into you, how gorgeous you looked when exhausted and dried blood coating sweet flesh he wanted more of. 

Your hands reached for his face, holding it softly in your palms. It made your chest tighten, fingers tracing every detail, wiping the blood away so you could see more of him. Heaving softly, you brought your face towards his once more until your lips were just centimeters apart. Hot breaths that fanned your face, just like they always did.

There wasn't anything you wouldn't do to have him back, even just for this very moment.

[pillowbugs]

so uh. that poto au i did just over a week ago.

was playing around with some ships to figure out who would fit the roles of the other characters, and landed on airplaneshipping for christine and raoul. preferably ignore all the plot that would have to happen to lead to this point. (the scene where the phantom shoots fireballs, except in the pokémon universe it's a full on battle against the phantom and his chandelure. for an added bonus, look up the name of the 'song' sung during this part of the musical.)

unmasked ver. (additional design notes under cut)

elesa:

christine's dress in this scene is light blue, which is a colour that is indeed present in elesa's design (her bw2 outfit moreso). elesa not wearing any yellow felt wrong though, which is why the layers underneath are yellow-tinted.

went with her bw1 hair colour because christine was blonde in the original book.

her cloak is mostly based off her bw2 jacket in shape; it's black with a red clasp, which makes it not only similar to the cloak donned by christine in the musical but also retains the same idea of the cloak being a visual representation of the phantom's (who wears mostly black) hold over them. (+ the other colour ingo is most associated with is red.)

however, because of the lighting, said cloak appears yellow on the side closer to skyla - more similar to her canon design, and being close to skyla in a way rids her of the darkness.

she gets to change her hairstyle as a treat.

skyla:

it wasn't common for women to wear waistcoats at the time (1900s), but sapphics in history quite famously fucked with a lot of gender norms.

actually both of these lovebirds are blue now. sets up a colour contrast between the lighter, friendlier blues of the couple and the darkness and reds of the phantom. (blue = friend and red = foe like it's fire emblem)

the way swanna is placed is intentional, to set up a more angelic imagery mirroring the phantom's darker version (more on that in a bit).

both women wear matching white roses in their hair. something something flower symbolism. but skyla does also have feathers in her hair, for obvious reasons.

swoobat because hearts :D

ingo:

was debating on whether to make him actually more deformed in this au, but didn't really feel in the mood to sit down and design it in detail for this piece.

there isn't much i can say about his outfit design given it's literally just mashing his usual uniform together with his butler alt from masters. though upon actually looking up the phantom's outfit, the end result is actually surprisingly close. not surprising given both wear victorian suits and primarily wear black.

my original concept for the au was that he still works with the subway, he just does it from the shadows instead of being a public figure - hence he still wears a train conductor's hat. though since the battle subway isn't a thing (or at least not in the form we know it) he doesn't have its logo.

his cloak is intentionally flared up in this scene, for a few reasons: 1) it looks cool, 2) it resembles gliscor (albeit it isn't present here) and 3) mirrors skyla with a darker angelic imagery - the original musical had the whole "angel of music / death" thing.

i actually went through quite a few variations of his mask before settling on this one, and even then i'm not entirely satisfied with it.

version 1: exactly the same as the one used in most advertising for the musical - decently terrifying, but considering ingo's main 'issue' is his mouth, which this (and the one actually used within the musical) doesn't cover, this would be completely useless aside from probably hiding his identity and especially his resemblance to emmet.

version 2: leaned more into the angle of trying to alter his expression, particularly to be smiling instead - to be more similar to his brother. also suitably unsettling, but this specific style wouldn't work if you looked at him from any angle besides this one though. also, from this angle, because his actual mouth is obscured, i was worried he would actually be mistaken for emmet instead (given generally fandom tends to make emmet the unhinged one - let ingo have some fun too, guys).

version 3, the one i went with: has patterns at the cheeks simulating the edges of a smile (and also has the black-on-white contrast); his actual mouth is hidden but visible through the cloth.

why is there a litwick on the gravestone? good question!

in all honesty, this was part me drawing blorbos into an au and part me conceptualising what the pokémon universe version of POTO would look like.

[lokisprettygirl]

Rain to his Fire (Modern! Daemon Targaryen x Female Reader) (Non Canon 80s Au) (18+)

Read chapter 9 here // Series Masterlist

Chapter 10

Summary: Misspoken words cause a rift between you and Daemon.

Warning: 18+, smut, crude language, description of Statutory rape, discussion of mental health (it's a fic based in a mental health facility), mention of child molestation, mention of physical assault, the fic would contain several mentions of several disorders like mpd, did etc, if something triggers you don't read, smoking,

Daemon's first instinct was to close the door in her face and then gaslight her tomorrow into thinking that she must have been hallucinating due to the lack of sex in her life since she was a nympho but the look on her face made him believe that the trick won't really work on her.

“Oh my god what are you?” She asked, slightly scared and yet intrigued. As she invited herself in, Daemon growled, closing the door behind him before anyone else would see him.

“I told you,” Daemon responded with a deep, inhuman voice, which was slightly different from his usual tone. As a half dragon, he was not accustomed to hearing himself speak in this form.

“But how?“ she asked as she made her way towards him. She reached out to touch his feathery wings, which draped around his back and ends of which dragged across the ground “It's impossible.”

“Apparently it's not..look if you go around telling other people about this I won't hesitate to kill you” He looked at her with an intense stare, warning her to not tell anyone about what she had seen.

“Mmmhm really? Is that a warning?” she responded, sarcasm evident in her tone so he let out a low growl.

“It's not a warning, it's a threat” he snarled at her.

“Wow you just became ten times hotter than you already were” she giggled as she stepped closer to him to study his features.

Daemon's appearance was intimidating, to say the least. His eyes glowed a deep shade of blood red with vivid green irises. He was covered in scales that ran from the sides of face to the rest of his body in elegant patterns. His hair was long and reached his waist, and his sharp fingernails resembled knives. His ears, like those of an elf, were elongated and most of all his wings were a stunning display of silver feathers on top with dark brown and black underneath, as if they were a masterpiece of nature itself.

Daemon was a sight to behold. A creature from myth and legend that wasn't supposed to exist but somehow he did.

“Why aren't you scared?” He asked as he crossed his arms and fluffed his feathers, a few were knocked loose and fell softly to the ground. His eyes were fixed intently on her, waiting for her answer.

“I just want to fuck you right now” she mumbled as she eyed him from head to toe, looking at him with a mixture of awe and disbelief. He reminded her of those mythical creatures she used to read about as a child and she couldn't deny that she was hooked to his otherworldly side.

****

The next morning you were on the way to the supplies room when you bumped into the librarian Corlys.

“Hey y/n..good morning” He told you so you gave him a small smile. You noticed that he was holding a book in his hands.

“Good morning..nice to see that you do get out of the library” he chuckled as you said that but then the look on his face became serious.

“The feather you showed me that day..did you find the species it belonged to?” He asked you so you shook your head almost immediately. You had found something but you couldn't really tell him for two different reasons, first one being that you didn't want to hurt Daemon and secondly, you didn't want to get institutionalized.

“I found this book and I think you should read it” he said as he passed you the book he had in his hands.

You grabbed the book that seemed really old and heavy, it was dusty as well as if it had been sitting on the shelves and hadn't been touched by anyone in ages.

“Creatures amongst us” you read the title of the book and looked up at him, he seemed nervous and kind of terrified.

“Turn to page 35” he told you so obliged.

“History of Draco sapiens” your breath was taken away at the sight of the photo illustration on the opposite page. In the painting, a man with sharp ears and long hair was depicted, and he had a pair of large, shimmering wings on his back. The feathers he possessed bore a striking semblance to the ones you had shown Corlys at the library

“Looks familiar?” he asked you so you chuckled nervously and nodded .

“But it's just mythology isn't it.. folklore” you said to him so sighed.

As you turned the page there was a drawing of a baby. The infant's skin appeared to have a slight sheen, similar to scales. Its eyes appeared darker, and its ears looked pointed and slightly elongated. The drawing was both unsettling and intriguing.

“It's just weird to me, we have this man in the center who claims to be a dragon and-” Corlys spoke but you interrupted him.

“It can't be real.. Daemon is just a man”

“How do you know that?”

“I don't..I just .it can't be real” you lied to him so he sighed. Nonetheless, you returned the book to Corlys with a grateful smile and wished him a good day.

You knew you had to inform Daemon about the book and perhaps he'd be able to find some answers in there. As you wheeled your cart inside his room, it was a complete mess, hair and feathers all around, Daemon was on his bed, sleeping still, his ass naked and visible to you so you grabbed the duvet and covered him up. The commotion disturbed his sleep so he opened his eyes and rubbed it with his fingers to look at you.

“What happened here last night?” You asked him softly so he sighed as he remembered everything.

“Caroline came by, she saw me”

“What do you mean?” you asked, surprised by what he was telling you.

“She saw me as a dragon” your eyes widened so much so that he was afraid you'd blow them out of your sockets.

“What?”

“I was amidst the transformation and I heard the knock on the door and I thought it was you but it was her and she saw me” he sat up on the bed, staring ahead blankly as he relived the events of the previous night.

“Ummm what did umm what did she say ..how did she react?” You asked, your voice shaking with anticipation.

“She was.. in shock but..she wasn't scared” he answered nonchalantly.

“Mmmhm and then what happened?” You asked him, your heartbeat faster, he wasn't your boyfriend or that's what you thought, none of you had given a name to this thing between you two so you feared that he must have done something with her.

“Well we talked, she's not as vapid as she seems, kind of took me by surprise if I'm being honest” you gulped as he said that.

“Mmhm so what ..like.. you guys are friends now?” You asked as you crossed your arms, jealousy evident in your voice and he could smell it even though you had tried to keep your voice steady despite the anger and insecurity burning inside of you.

“I mean I had to make sure she won't go around speaking of this” he told you.

“You go around telling everyone who you are,” you retorted, frustration evident in your voice. You knew he wanted to keep his secret safe but Caroline getting to see him like that even before you had left a bad taste in your mouth.

“Yeah but they don't believe me, I'm crazy remember?”

“Well she's not exactly well” you said to him.

“Sex addiction is not the same as other mental ailments” you stifled the urge to roll your eyes as he suddenly got so defensive of her.

“Ohhhh sorry I offended your new friend” you walked back to your cart so he chuckled and sat up a little to lean his head against the headboard.

“You don't have to be jealous darling” he said, and you could feel the smugness dripping in his voice. You swallowed the lump in your throat, trying not to show how hurt you were feeling.

“What makes you think I'd be jealous?”

“The way you're acting”

“I'm not acting any differently than I usually do..besides you're not my boyfriend or anything like that..we are not exclusive or even together for that matter” you answered and you could see the smirk disappearing from his face. Your words had come out more harshly than you had intended.

He was just messing with you and being playful, he had no idea how upset you were about this.

“Fine then..” he mumbled quietly.

“Yeah fine”

“Is this going to be a thing with you always, hmm? We sex each other up and the next morning you're going to pick a fight with me?” Daemon asked, and you could hear the frustration in his voice.

“Pick a fight?” You chuckled bitterly “I'm talking to you in a normal tone, I'm not the one to accidentally show my supposed dragon side to other people, you did and it seems to me that you're not even as worried about it as you should be” you finished your words, the term dragon came out as a sneer and that only upsetted him further.

“I'm not worried because I trust her” your eyes teared up as he said that.

“Just like that? In one night?”

“Yeah I can sense these things like I did with you..” he concluded, trying to diffuse the tension but it was futile.

“Uhhhuh? And you couldn't tell that it wasn't me outside your door?”

“My senses are weakened when I'm changing..trust me when I say this, i really wanted it to be you” he emphasized each and every word but in that moment you just felt blinded by the rage you were feeling.

“If you really wanted it you'd have shown me”

His eyes teared up as you said that but he smiled instead and shook his head in disbelief.

“Well at least she's yet to go behind my back and tell Viserys about my hair and feathers”

He said before he got up and stepped inside the bathroom, you flinched as he slammed the door so harshly that there were few cracks at the edges now.

You couldn't believe he had thrown that into your face, instead of apologizing to him and mending the situation you cleaned his room as quickly as you could. A part of you wanted to knock on the door and ask if he was alright but your ego held you back.

After stepping out of his room you knocked on Caroline's door and she asked you to get in so you entered inside, she was on her bed still, sleeping naked.

Well they certainly had things in common it seems.

“Good morning…what's your name?” She asked as she sat up, extremely confident in her nakedness so you sighed.

“Y/n” you answered curtly, not wanting to get into a conversation with her.

“Y/n..what's my neighbor like? I mean you clean his room everyday” she prodded, making you shrug your shoulders.

“I wouldn't know..my job is to clean and get out” She hummed as you answered her “Why did you ask?’ you questioned as curiosity got the best of you.

“I think i have a crush on him” You felt your heart sink as Caroline admitted

“Yeah, so do other women around your age here” you answered, trying to keep your voice snarky.

“Mmm but they haven't seen him the way i have” she looked in the distance as she said that, clearly reminiscing what she had seen last night.

“Like what?”

“Nevermind girlie..what about you?”

“What do you mean?” .

“Do you have a crush on him as well?” She smirked so you rolled your eyes.

“I don't get involved with patients”

You were hoping she'd spill the beans about him so you could go back to Daemon and throw it in his face but then you realized how bitchy it might have been. As much as you despised this development between him and Caroline, you didn't want his secret to be out in the open or have any harm come his way.

During lunchtime much to your displeasure you found Daemon in his usual spot in the corner but now Caroline was accompanying him. You always told him to not stare at you in the cafeteria so why did it hurt so bad when for once since he had arrived here he didn't have his eyes on you?. His attention was directed towards Caroline and whatever conversation they were having with each other.

At the end of the service as you walked towards his table he finally looked at you, you could feel his gaze from your peripheral vision and Caroline's eyes were stuck on him, and you knew that because you had your eyes on Caroline.

“Are you folks done with your meal?” You asked so she looked at you but didn't answer so you grabbed both of their plates and placed it on the tray.

“You know if you have no intention of eating you shouldn't take so much food just to waste it” you told her as you walked away so Daemon raised his brows, amusement visible on his face. Caroline couldn't help but gasp at the rude remark.

“Can you believe it?” She asked Daemon as you disappeared out of their sight.

“Oh I definitely can”

“She's just a glorified maid she should mind her words” his jaw clenched as Caroline said that.

“She's doing her job”

Caroline raised her brows as Daemon defended you.

A minute later, he watched as you left the cafeteria, a mix of emotions running through him. He wanted to follow after you, pull you aside and hold you in his arms to kiss you, he wanted to ask why you were behaving this way, but his ego got in the way.

He can't be the one to follow after you all the time.

You sat down in the garden with a sad looking sandwich in your hands but your appetite was gone, perhaps you'd find Daemon in your bedroom again this evening and maybe then you could tell him that you were indeed jealous that she got to see that part of him you have only heard of since he got here.

But when you finished your shift and arrived in your room, you were crushed to discover that Daemon wasn't there. Instead, the room was empty, and you felt a sense of despair wash over you. As you laid down in the bed, the weight of the day's events finally overwhelmed you, and you found yourself crying. Images of Daemon fucking Caroline and losing interest in you plagued your thoughts.

This is what you had been avoiding all your life, such intense attachment to a man, it's not that you hadn't tried to date before, though there was no sexual attraction on your behalf you did get attached to those men emotionally and it hurt when they eventually betrayed you for not giving them what they wanted from you so you stayed single and didn't get yourself involved with a man until Daemon arrived and made you feel things you never thought was possible for you. And now he had found someone else so of course he had no use of you anymore.

That night as Daemon heard a knock on his door, this time he knew it wasn't you even though he wanted it to be you so badly.

“You look normal today” Caroline said to him so he sighed.

“It doesn't happen every night” he answered her so she smirked and sat down on his bed with her legs crossed,

“Come sit here” she tapped the side of the bed so he crossed his arms.

“Quit seducing me” he answered with a snark dripping through his words.

“I'm not seducing you. Are you feeling seduced?” she asked as she bit on her lips and tilted her head.

“Aren't you prohibited from doing this nympho?”

Her smile dropped down as he said that and eyes teared up so she got up and walked past him but he grabbed her arm.

“Sorry, I was joking”

He told her so she turned around and suddenly wrapped her arms around his neck.

“Today was my first session with Dr. Vis..i don't like him” she said to him so he chuckled as he grabbed her forearms and pulled her away from him, a part of him felt as if he was betraying you somehow even though your thing with him wasn't really exclusive as you had so proudly stated this morning.

“Neither do i..What did he do?” he asked curiously. Ever since he had connected the dots between him and Tanya and had discovered that other thing, a part of him wondered what other skeletons his brother was hiding in his closet.

“I don't know..he was just being weird”

The next morning as you began your duty you were hoping to find Daemon's naked form in his bed but you found Caroline sleeping in his bed instead, though she was fully clothed you had a feeling that something must have gone down between them.

“Ooops ..don't tell anyone” she mumbled as she stretched her arms, you could hear the shower running and Daemon was in there so you went on to quickly do your job because you couldn't stand the thought of looking at him in the moment. You couldn't help but feel betrayed as if your time with him had meant nothing to him.

After a few minutes Caroline eventually got up and left for her room. As soon as she was gone Daemon came out of the bathroom, as your eyes met with him he smirked and all you wanted to do was to hit him with the broom you were holding to clean.

You didn't want an explanation, you didn't care whether they fucked each other or not, you were done with him and you were not going to entertain him any further or that's what you convinced yourself.

After drying his hair and putting on a trouser he sat down on the bed and you could feel his eyes on you,

“So that's it..we just don't talk anymore huh?” He asked you so you glared at him but didn't respond and that only pissed him off further

“Well it seems to me that you have found someone to sleep with now so there's no point talking to me anymore or coming into my room unannounced..you know all you men are just the same..all you want in life is to fuck as many women as you can and you're just a man whore” you spewed venomously, making his jaw clenched with anger. This thing was only escalating for the worse between you two.

“All the men, hmm? Says the thirty year old Virgin” he retorted.

“At Least I'm not a whore like you and your new girlfriend Caroline” he chuckled as you said that, your words laced with bitterness reminded him of that of a stubborn child.

“Look at you, so jealous that it's pathetic, makes me want to pity you”

“Awn a patient, pities me, what am I gonna do now?” your pitch went high as you faked the sad voice and he couldn't help but be amused.

“I'm not going to follow you around like a puppy, I have never been that man, I did it twice and now you think I'll just continue to run after you when you're treating me like this?” he asked you and it only frustrated you further.

“Well you did it because you were bored and wanted to fuck me but now that you have a whore in the next room to fuck around with there's no need of me” you mumbled angrily, your own words made you cringe, you never wanted to be this woman in life who blamed other women for snatching their men,

“Well my darling you're a virgin mary ..and with this attitude you're going to suffer the same fate as your mother..dying of a broken heart with no-one to protect you”

Your eyes teared up at his venomous words so you glared at him intensely but no words came out. You grabbed the equipment you were carrying and turned around to walk out of his room.

It was decided now, you were done with him. This was a mistake from the beginning.

His words had stung you deeply but what did he mean by broken heart? Your mum died of a heart attack and not a broken heart.

Later that afternoon you saw Daemon and Caroline chatting each other up against her door, even if they hadn't fucked last night, it was bound to happen sooner or later and you didn't want to get caught up in the middle of it.

As days passed, they turned into a week but the hurt of losing a friend stayed and only got stronger with time, as much as you wanted to make yourself believe that you didn't care you did, you missed him and it hurt a lot that he didn't miss you the same, that he didn't care at all that you were no longer in his life. It was as if you never really mattered to him, not one bit.

You couldn't stop working though so you had the misfortune of seeing his stupid face every morning, since your fight with him you hadn't found one single feather or any trace of hair in his room and it did raised your curiosity but you didn't ask him anything, you also refused to indulge him when he was trying to speak with you.

One afternoon you were called into Dr. Viserys's office so you took a deep breath before you knocked on his door and he asked you to get in.

“Sit down y/n” he told you so you sighed and sat down.

“I don't think I ever apologized for that night, I was just in a humongous amount of stress and lashed at you so forgive me for that rude behavior” he said to you so you hummed in response.

“It's not an issue, is that all sir?”

“No i actually wanted to discuss something regarding the patient in 394”

“Caroline Withherson?” You asked him so he smiled,

“I am giving you her responsibility, perhaps putting her next to Daemon was a mistake” he told you so you looked at him confused, even though you knew exactly what he was hinting at.

“I don't understand -”

“Just keep an eye on her, make sure she's following her rules” he told you so you nodded, there was a serious lack of staff at the facility so the burden often fell on the shoulders of the custodians.

As you stepped out of his office you saw Daemon at the other end of the corridor, as his eyes met with yours you quickly looked away but his gaze was set on you. How stubborn could one woman be, he thought? His ego seemed smaller as compared to yours..

He knew you weren't the only one in the wrong here, he was equally responsible for this tiff but you weren't even giving him a chance to speak, in the last two weeks he had tried to rile you up at every chance he got but you weren't giving him anything in return, and the silent treatment was starting to piss him off.

The next morning he was on the bed reading when you got inside his room and just like every day in the past two weeks, he didn't hear a word from you, however he did notice a mark on your hand so he got off the bed and grabbed your arm to inspect.

“What do you think you're doing?” You asked sternly so he glared at you, so that's what he had to do to make you speak, grab you without your consent?

“Who did this?” He asked you so you pulled your hand away from him.

“The burner did..I was making tea..it was an accident..why do you care anyways”

You mumbled as you picked up the dustpan from the cart to collect the filth on the ground.

“Just because you have stopped caring about me that doesn't mean i feel that way too” he said to you so you looked at him with a mixture of surprise and anger.

“Mmmhmmm is that why you're sleeping with your neighbor? To nurse your wounds?”

“She fell asleep while we were talking ..we didn't fuck each other”

“Whatever I don't care Daemon-”

“Oh that I can see”

Your eyes teared up as he raised his voice so he stepped closer to you and grabbed your shoulders to pull you into his chest.

“Why can't you just talk to me like a normal person? Why is it hard for you to just talk?” he asked you softly, his tone now gentler than ever.

“Talk about what? You tell me one day that I'm all you have and then you find a new girl to spend time with and all of a sudden you don't want to make up with me..you just ignored me-”

“Ignored you? All you had to do was just admit that you felt jealous and I'd have done anything to show you why you didn't need to feel that way, you have not even looked at me in past two weeks-”

“Because it hurts to look at you and to watch you replace me so easily-”

“God you're stupid y/n .. so fucking stupid” he said as he stepped away from you to run his fingers through his hair frustratingly.

“Yes I'm stupid enough to trust a man like you-” another jab of yours almost made him want to kiss you just so you'd quit insulting him.

“Man like me? What does that even mean hmm?”

“I don't like you Daemon..you frustrate me..you make me want to say these awful things to you that i have never said in my life, you anger me so much and it's driving me crazy” Your eyes welled up and voice choked on tears as you berated him further but perhaps that's what you both needed in that moment.

“Oh you think you're any better? You're the most insufferable woman I have ever known in my life, you're fucking sick in head you know that? Not any better than these people around here, at least they know they got a problem..you on the other hand? You are walking around freely with your mental instability” he lashed out at you as well as if he was speaking everything he had felt towards you in the past two weeks.

“At Least I'm not a pretentious animal --”

“Pretense huh…I am pretentious?” He growled as he stepped closer to you until there was no space left between your bodies, the flash of red clouded his eyes for a moment, his breath was hot on your face. Dropping the dustpan on the floor you wrapped your arms around his neck as you kissed him, his arms wrapped around your waist as he pulled you as close as humanly possible, it was either this or another cruel words out of your mouth, words that you didn't even believe yourself.

“We are not good for each other” your eyes welled up as you spoke between the kiss and he wasn't any different, his emotions were on all time high at the moment, he had never felt such passion for another soul in his life before, no other woman had made him feel so frustrated yet so connected, “I'm saying things to you I don't even mean-”

“So am i..why can't you just talk to me calmly?” he asked as he brushed your hair with his fingers before he kissed you again.

“Because I'm insecure.. and I don't want to get hurt” you mumbled against his mouth.

“I don't want to hurt you ..”

“But you do”

“You hurt me as well, I ask you to not ignore me and you take it as a challenge”

“I know I do, I don't know how we are supposed to do this Daemon. Okay? I admit I was jealous that she saw you like that, I felt hurt that she got to see you and i didn't”

“I didn't do it on purpose -”

“I just can't..trust anything or anyone anymore, people lie and cheat and hurt-” your voice cracked with the whirlpool of emotions you were feeling.

“Nothing happened i swear darling-”

“You slept with her in the same bed-”

“That meant nothing.. nothing happened, i didn't even touch her” he said to you and as much as you didn't want to admit it had brought you a huge relief.

“Why not? She's gorgeous and she's your type” you asked meekly so he furrowed his brows in confusion.

“How do you even know what my type is?” he asked you so you changed the conversation.

“Did you miss me?” you asked him softly as you caressed his nape, the sultry little touch aroused him instantly.

“I haven't been able to shift since we stopped interacting”

“Why not?”

“I don't know-”

“I have missed you-”

“Then stop arguing with me so nonsensically” his voice was deep and husky as he spoke.

“You say mean things when you're angry” you told him, at the same realizing what a hypocrite you were.

“And you spew flowers?”

“I can be irrational at times..I'm a woman”

“And here comes the misogyny”

“I'm on duty right now..I can't do this-” you mumbled as you pulled away from him, both of your breaths were heavy due to the intense conversation and the kiss that had followed.

“What do you want, hmm?” he asked you so you thought about it for a moment.

“Apologise” you then answered shamelessly.

“I will” he paused for a moment before he spoke again “You are going initiate it though”

“You're so egoistic”

“And you're a pot..you see that?”

You walked closer to him and placed your head down on his chest to hug him tightly as he said that.

“Where should I start? I have said so many things”

“Let's start from the beginning then?”

“I'm sorry if I made you feel used” you apologized as softly as you could.

“I'm sorry I spoke ill of your mother , that was disrespectful and I deserved your anger for that comment” your eyes teared up again as he reminded you of that.

“Why did you say that?”

Your eyes met with his as you looked up so he thought about it for a moment and decided to not speak of that matter until he had complete information.

“I was angry”

“I don't want to fight with you daemon -” the corner of his mouth curved slightly into a small smile as you said that.

“Then what do you want?” he asked, gently caressing your lower lips with his thumb which made you feel distracted again.

“I want you to be nice to me like you're with Caroline” you mumbled.

“I fight with you because I care too much to act indifferent, you don't want me to treat you the way I treat her, trust me” He mumbled as he leaned down to peck your lips “Besides if I was any nicer to you you'd fall in love with me”

You couldn't help but smile as he said that.

“As if”

You answered smugly. Ohhh but you would you thought, since the day you saw him first a part of you knew he'd not be another passing fancy in your life, it was a feeling you had always longed for, someone you could connect with on a deeper level, and the connection you felt with him was undeniable, you just hoped he was feeling it as well.

As you stepped out of his room you realized that the constant lingering ache you had felt in the past two weeks had suddenly vanished. It was replaced by hope and that feeling of a sweet tickling sensation in your heart that you couldn't really describe in a word.

Later that evening you did find him in your room as you had hoped.

“You know the shirt is supposed to be worn?” you said to him as you found him sitting at the edge of your bed holding a dark brown shirt between his palms.

“I brought it for you, to put it on after the shower” he mumbled softly so you smiled.

“Don't tell me what to do” you said as you walked towards him so he stood up immediately and cupped your cheeks, he then craned your neck up and kissed you deeply, his tongue slipped in slowly and you couldn't deny how you had missed this feeling. He kissed you like he had never kissed you before. A kiss that could never be replicated, a kiss that will forever live on in your memory, it was full of longing desire and needy.

It was raw and unbridled, yet tender and intimate.

“I'm sorry i called you a man whore” you mumbled as he pulled away slightly to breathe.

“Mmmm I'm sorry I told you that you'd die alone even though I'd protect you whether you'd want me to or not” he responded.

“Mmmm okay “ you mumbled as you stepped away from him to go shower, when you came out you had his shirt on with shorts underneath as you joined him in the bed.

Without a word he climbed on top of you and caressed your scalp with his fingers as he leaned down to kiss you softly, your arms curled around his neck as you pulled him closer to you, his hair tickling your cheeks and neck so you grabbed them to push it behind his shoulder.

“You came through my window and your hair is long again, did you shift?” you questioned him softly.

“Mmhm”

“Mmmm I'm sorry i called you an animal”

“I'm an animal..it was the term pretentious that bothered me”

“I'm sorry i called you pretentious then” he chuckled as you said that but then he remembered he had something to apologize for.

“I'm sorry i called you mentally unstable”

“I kind of am-”

“I don't mind that” you giggled as he said that and you couldn't help but wonder why it was so easy to get back to him even after such a rift.

“You should go before Viserys loses his mind again”

“I didn't get you in my shirt so you could sleep alone tonight”

“We shouldn't do naughty things, they are such a curse..it's going to make us fight the next day” his brows raised at the quirky statement.

“How superstitious of you..but we don't have to if you don't want to”

But that was the problem, you really wanted to be naughty with him and have him touch you intimately.

“I'm sorry i called you a whore..you're not a whore” you mumbled softly so he leaned down to kiss you again. He couldn't stop kissing you when he had thought of your lips on him every night for the past two weeks.

“I'm sorry i called you a Virgin Mary, even though it's true”

You slapped on his cheek lightly as he joked but his eyes flickered at the gesture, he grabbed your hand with one hand and your chin with the other to kiss you passionately.

He didn't know why as he had always been non-confrontational before in life, especially with the women he had been with, he didn't take shit from anyone until you came along, a part of him rejoiced in these moments of arguments and then falling back to each other as if nothing had happened. He knew it wasn't healthy to argue this way but he'd rather argue with you than lose you to complete indifference as if you were nothing but a stranger to him.

***

Later that night Viserys slumped into his office chair, tired and burdened from the long day he had. He really thought that bringing Daemon here and placing him on medication would suppress this madness he was born with but he was completely wrong. Daemon was only getting worse everyday and he could feel his brother slipping away and gaining agency.

Viserys reached under the table and pulled out a key, which he used to open the drawer in his desk. Inside was a diary that he had kept safely hidden from Daemon all their lives, along with pictures that he had taken back on the day Daemon was born. In the picture, their mother held Daemon in her arms, their father stood by their side, and Viserys had managed to capture the moment as they all smiled for the camera.

His eyes teared up with a mixture of anger and jealousy, even after years he felt the same feelings he had on the night Daemon was born. He traced the pictures, remembering the day their mother had first held Daemon in her arms, the day that had changed the course of his life forever as he became the child that was nothing but ordinary.

“Abomination” he mumbled as he flipped through the pictures.

In the last photo, Daemon laid in his crib, smiling up at their mother, his eyes a vibrant blood red with elongated ears and scales covering his small body.

👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

Taglist

@anukulee @ammo23 @littledark11 @stupidthoughtsinwriting

@daenny-t @avalyaaa

[howlsofbloodhounds]

Anyway here is my aimless, ‘analysis’ on Color and why he lives, why he may seem focused on Killer, but also why that’s just his character to be outwardly focused on others and rarely allowing any bits of his internal self to slip through, likely because he just doesn’t genuinely think of himself outside of anything involving the six human souls and their needs, and doesn’t really expect others to be much interested in him either. He views himself as easily forgettable and replaceable, even as it’s the things he fears and dreads most.

I’m typing as I think so I’ll probably clean it up later if yall don’t understand.

But he also fears failure. Failing to save people, failing to protect them. Saving Killer is something he’d do for anyone, but it also provides a sense of closure for him.

And stuff on my end copy pasted from Discord,

“Also Random kinda unrelated thought but like. maybe like killer, color doesn’t really know what he’s doing with his life either.

I wonder if he expected to die when he absorbed the souls, and then he never expected to get or be free. I wonder how listless he was before meeting killer. was he only living for others.

People say colors character is only about killer but that’s only because 1. Some refuse to look into his AU. And 2. Color didn’t exactly have much of anyone else??

For all intents and purposes his home isn’t his home. He knows them but they don’t know him and he has no reason to live in canon actual animated othertale (where he doesn’t know killer or the epic sanses) besides once again ensuring that they’re all safe from this new threat when we meet him.

(Edited:) It’s even implied he’s only still alive after his last escape attempt, however long ago (since it’s implied that Color has been with Gaster in the Void for like 17-20 years at least), because of Gaster. Either he was trying to kill himself, or he was willing to risk dying.

but once that was gone, what was he going to do. they still don’t know him, anything about him, and he doesn’t know them. They’re so different from how he remembers.

He has no one. They’re alive but they’re not. He’s risked everything for them and he was happy to die doing do so but he didn’t. What’s he supposed to do with himself now. There’s no place for him in the world, and the world doesn’t even seem to want or need him anymore.”

It’s worth noting that Othertale only exists as it does, instead of being normal Undertale, precisely because Sans/Color was kicked out, patched over, forgotten, erased, replaced by Undyne and then it all moved on without him.

So even in my hc that Color leaves Othertale, takes Core Frisk’s offer to join the Omega Timeline, and became Delta’s roommate; he was still at his lowest point, and didn’t even reach anything resembling a high point until meeting Killer.

He can see Killer, but no one else seems to. He wants to help, and he wants to understand. No one else is gonna pursue this, help Killer—those who have tried have failed. He reasons for helping killer are born from moral principles, past experiences, the belief that no one else would (for valid reasons), and even those who don’t even think Killer needs, wants to be, or deserves to be saved.

Similar to Vi from Arcane, who was thrown into prison for her developmental teenage years, coming out not realizing everything has changed, that her sister has changed, and unwilling to accept that powder has grown up and has a new name.

But unlike Vi, who attempts to make everything go back to the way it was, color just..avoids it. Leaves, away from it, goes looking for something new.

His need for something new comes from having spent years in what amounts to basically solitary confinement, where everything was the same over and over, until eventually even the suicide escape attempts and breakdowns became more of the same.

So while Color makes Killer feel wanted, needed, safe, cared for, loved, validated, protected—Killer makes Color feel seen, heard, remembered, important, needed, fascinating, valued. Seen and valued. They make eachother feel understood.

I think similar to Vi, Color is a caretaker, a protector, of individuals and communities he happens to stray into on his wandering trips—he’s terrified of failure, but also craves acknowledgement for what hes always tried his best to do.

If he’s not looking for something new, not wanting to stay in the same place forever, he’s trying to use his life and freedom to give the six kids keeping him alive a second chance at living—he’s not obligated to anyone, unlike Dream is (being a guardian of positivity), he’s just some ridiculously powerful guy. An afterthought in his own story, because it wasn’t his story, but a major part in Killer’s.

He doesn’t help others only because he wants acknowledgement, but also because it’s just what he thinks is right, but having his efforts acknowledged cements that he’s still real, still existing. That he hasn’t been forgotten. And I just think Killer is particularly skilled at making him feel appreciated, and valued.

He’d do it this for everyone in Killer’s place, who asked him for help. He’d help them to the best of his ability, and he wouldn’t ask for or expect anything.

But Killer gives it to him, knowing he’d never ask for it — because he can see Color, and that he likes being seen, and is maybe even suprised that Killer would see him the way he does. And Killer likes seeing Color—would like to see everything about Color. Not just his souls or his code.

Killer makes Color feel like he isn’t just a step outside the rest of world, or like he isn’t a ghost— or more like, killer stepped outside the world with him and joined him there. Color’s eye doesn’t look through Killer, and Killer’s gaze doesn’t drift right over Color.

This is not accounting for the HC that Color and Delta are roommates, of course, which would change some things—mainly in that Delta would’ve seen Color at all his lowest points and would’ve been the one taking care of Color—and a lot of how Color takes care of Killer may even be somewhat inspired by his relationship with Delta, but again that’s hc and im mainly focusing on the bits we have in canon.

I’ll probably expand on this part in a bit, but I think it’d be the Epic Sanses (and maybe even the Abyss Team) that teach Color to live for himself and what he wants—and he goes on to use that to help Killer.

[aki-shigaraki]

I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT how I saw someone’s slideshow on tiktok the other day and they said something like

IzuOcha becoming canon would mean that Horikoshi doesn’t know how to write romance. Their relationship isn’t even close to being romantic (besides the somehow undeniable?? argument that it’s shonen so it has to be canon, spoiler, it IS deniable since Horikoshi said he does what he wants loool). Maybe there was a crush from Ochaco at some point, but she’s past that and it’s obvious whenever we see their interactions past ~4th season. If they would become canon, that would be just bad writing. It wouldn’t make sense storywise.

BUT he DOES know how to write romance - look at the implied canon pairings like KamiJirou, HagaOjiro, KiriMina. we all agreed on them being canon not because they blush at each other, but they CARE for each other and WORRY about the other person

*insert KamiJirou first war scene „do it for someone who is closest to your heart”*

AND… because the canon pairings in bnha also have this little funny thing in common. Both sides inspire each other and in some ways they want to resemble each other too!!! I’ve noticed it especially in KiriMina, first when in Kirishima’s backstory he says that the „horns” he stylizes his hair into are inspired by Mina’s horns, and then when she said in s5ep25 that she created Acidman because of Kiri’s Unbreakable.

So, it looks like Horikoshi KNOWS how to write romance - because this is how it looks in real life. You care about your s/o, you worry about them, they inspire you, you know stuff about them because you’re curious about them, you want to spend time with them etc. It’s literally how every canon implied ship in BNHA is written. It’s not a surprise. It’s just good writing.

and you know whose relatiohsips are also written this way??? hm. let me see

not IzuOcha for sure (they had their little moments but PLEASE we get TWO scenes of Ochaco moving on from Izuku. this isn’t canon at all)

BUT THE GAYS.

The biggest canon pairing of them all, the BKDK and their lesbian sisters TOGACHACO

it’s already canon because it’s written the way Horikoshi writes romances. He isn’t oblivious what he’s creating BECAUSE IT’S INTENTIONAL. THEY ARE CANON.

edit: it’s dynamight.delight on tiktok check it out it’s her second pinned video it’s soooo goood

so.

my guess is: IzuOcha isn’t going to become canon, but I’m not sure if ANY of the pairings above will ask each other out etc / make it official. I just think it will be obviously hinted and my hero will end without any labels attatched to the pairings. This isn’t my only theory but yeah, the only thing that I’m sure about is IzuOcha aren’t supposed to be canon.

[arliedraws]

In the books, Sirius's devotion to Harry is of course very deep, but it never translates to something physical. He only shakes Harry's end when he leaves his bedside in book 4, and in book 5 there is something resembling a hug, like twice...? As a dog he stood up his hind legs and front paws on harry's shoulders and a half hug after Christmas. Idk it sort of drives me crazy, because in the movies Harry and Sirius are so affectionate! That first hug when Harry arrives in Grimmauld!! Gary and Dan had an amazing chemistry that other actors were jealous of, they mirrored the book characters, so it palpable on screen, the few scenes Gary is in at all at least.

So, what do you make of this? Do you in musing for art imagine a more affectionate relationship between Harry and Sirius? Maybe if Sirius survived the war? Molly's hug in book 4 was a poignant moment but imo that should have been a moment between Sirius and Harry. Sirius already says he expected something catastrophic to happen to Harry in the third task, that's what he stutters when Harry comes in with Dumblebore. So he is literally afraid of his godsons life and it still shows of course, Sirius staying at Harry's side was very beautifully written, like the devotion is clear, but I am foaming at the mouth for more affection between them in canon? Platonic, not shipping. So between the movies and the books Im just kinda torn what's better

It's more a rant than an ask, sorry lol, but if you have any input I'd he so stoked to read it. Not many peeps in the fandom even give Sirius and Harry any time of day, nvrmind even understand what they had (which also drives me kinda nuts but ok)

Ohhhh, anon, you’ve come to the right spot! Mostly because I love them. I would say that 80% of my fandom interest is just Sirius being a dad to Harry.

To your question, I don’t think one is better than the other. Each has their purpose. Let me share my thoughts:

1. I am soft for movie Sirius and Harry’s affectionate touching. However. The dynamics of their relationship were NOT mirrored from the books, which…is fine. Honestly, I just don’t think it was a priority for the filmmakers. This particular bit doesn’t bother me because the movies are not supposed to replace the source material—they are an interpretation. To me, watching the movies is like reading fic—fun to watch but not canon. Also, the filmmakers removed so much of their relationship in GoF that they HAD to make Sirius and Harry physically affectionate in order for movie audiences to see what losing Sirius would mean to Harry. Their complexity is completely unexplored in the films, and they had to do SOMETHING to get the audience to feel sad when Sirius died. This started in PoA when they really downplayed the context of their relationship. (Lol, see my rant on PoA. I really don’t like that movie hahahahaha.)

2. In the books, Harry and Sirius are not physically affectionate with each other despite their intense love for each other, and I think this is an effective way to show characterization. As I tell my students, this might have been intentional by the author, but it could have been an instinct that she followed (what feels right for the characters).

Here’s what I think: both are so terrified of losing the other that they won’t allow themselves to get too close, and, crucially, they both fear showing vulnerability. Touching someone and reaching out for a hug or comfort is an extremely vulnerable thing to do. If you reach out for a hug, you are showing your true feelings. To be rejected physically is sometimes more devastating than someone telling you to just “go away.” It’s a sign of trust to touch someone—you are trusting that they feel the same way about you, and you are trusting that they won’t pull away. Both Sirius and Harry understand rejection, and both avoid it. How do you avoid rejection? You distance yourself.

I’ll put the rest under a cut because I think this might get long…

Sirius and Harry, for all that they love each other, fall out of trusting each other by OotP. Part of this is trauma, but it is also miscommunication. Harry is worried that Sirius will do something stupid—either out of concern for Harry or because he wants to get out of number 12–but he’s worried he’ll lose Sirius. So by withholding affection (which I’m not sure if he knows how to give physically), Harry distances himself from Sirius which will, theoretically, keep Sirius safe (of course, it backfires). Sirius is…you know…going through stuff in OotP. He is already vulnerable—he perceives himself as being emasculated because he’s not allowed to leave his childhood home and he’s relegated to performing ‘uninteresting, domestic work’, and he must be inactive when he’s a man OF action.

When it comes to Goblet of Fire and the odd handshake… I think Sirius is reeeeeally holding back. Harry does NOT want him to go, and Sirius knows this. (Why DOES Dumbledore send him away? Literally anyone else could have “alerted the old crowd” and NOT the convicted murderer. This is clearly the author’s excuse to get Sirius away from Harry—and, I’ve spoken to this before, Sirius is too much of a miracle character—too smart, too loyal, too loving to support the story that the author wanted to tell.) Sirius, if he had stayed, would have been the emotional support that Harry needed. So if Sirius holds Harry, what if Harry doesn’t let go? What if Sirius himself can’t let go? A handshake will have to do.

So Sirius leaves Harry with that bizarre handshake. That Sirius leaves at all damages their relationship—it could have been repaired with time (if they’d been allowed time), but this moment makes Harry realize that he cannot rely on anyone, not even Sirius. This leaves Harry to be isolated in OotP, and it leaves him to feel like he cannot trust anyone. I’m not blaming Sirius for leaving, but I believe this action causes a rift between them that carries into the next book.

My point is, I HATE that they don’t touch but it is very important that they don’t, at least when it comes to the story that the author wanted to tell. I think it was the right move when we look at the story as a whole. Do I like it? NO! But it’s interesting, and it DOES feel right for them. Is it devastating? Yes!!!!!!!

TL;DR: I don’t think either interpretation is necessarily better than the other, but they both have their purpose. Both are effective!

Touch is…huge in HP. Consider Voldemort’s “I can touch him now” and causing Harry pain. Touch is a privilege, and to be touched without permission is a violation. Harry kills someone by touching them. He is only touched by his family when Dudley beats him up or he gets shoved in his cupboard.

Weirdly, one of my absolutely favorite moments when Sirius and Harry touch is in PoA when the Dementors are closing in on Sirius, Harry, and Hermione, and Harry, as he’s about to faint, reaches out to grab an unconscious Sirius by the arm, thinking something along the lines of “the dementors weren’t going to take him” and such. And this is about two seconds after Harry has accepted that Sirius is telling the truth! Harry physically tethers Sirius to him—this touch-starved teen reaches out to this man who is now everything to him, who is now his only real family, willing to risk death (or worse) to keep it. BUT THEY JUST MET!!!!! Devastating!!!

Also…another thought: the first time Sirius and Harry touch is the first time Sirius has been touched as a human in twelve years. And Harry is beating the absolute shit out of him…and then Sirius nearly strangles him…

Also, also, not to like…self-promote, but if you want some Sirius & Harry family feelings and a wee bit of affectionate touching, I wrote a one-shot where they talk about their feelings in OotP.

Anyway, this got longer than I thought. Thank you for the prompt!!

[isitisitearlymichael]

I think there’s a mentality in the Stranger Things fandom, or certainly outside of Byler spaces, that Byler is just another m/m ship.

What do I mean by “just another” m/m ship?

We all know there’s a long history of shipping male characters together when the show they were in clearly had no intentional romantic subplot.

M/m shipping has existed since the days of Star Trek - and it’s existed for many different reasons. But over time, it’s developed a bad reputation because fans of those ships were reading into things way too much and had so much hope that something might happen to those characters, only for them to end up incredibly upset and frustrated by the end.

There has also been a lot of accusations of fetishisation.

Some of this is also because especially in the early 2000s/ 2010s, these shows used to play on those hopes and have a lot of fun exploring “bromances”, where the writing would be intentionally stirring the pot, but not crossing the line enough for there to be any real plan to take things further.

What’s really important here is that Byler are NOT that kind of ship.

There would never be this much animosity if Will was Mike’s female best friend from childhood.

Yes, there would be a Byler vs. Milkvan war. That would never change - but the excuses as to why Byler have no possible chance of being together would be entirely different. Because yes, their arguments can currently include that Mike’s in a long term relationship, or that the 1980s environment would make it difficult for them to be together, but that’s about as realistic as the arguments have been.

Compare the circumstances to other canonical unrequited love stories

Take away all of the analysis about why Mike might be gay or Bi or even interested in Will in the first place, and just look at the plot in its bare bones state.

Will is canonically in love with Will, and Mike is canonically unaware of this and in a relationship with El.

There are SO MANY examples of this sort of love triangle in fiction, and most importantly there are more scenarios than there aren’t of this love becoming requited. It’s so normal for an audience to see a scenario like this and wonder if this is going to be one of those stories.

What’s happening instead is a lot of heteronormativity.

And that’s either down to the environment that Stranger Things fans find themselves in (people still live very unexposed lives) or they are just generally ignorant about anything that isn’t really in their face or what they want to see.

So there’s a heck of a lot of fans who didn’t even recognise that Will is gay, or just disregarded their assumptions and played up the “slow to grow up” narrative because they were more comfortable with that kind of story, or could relate to it more.

And so from their point of view, because they didn’t see anything, it couldn’t possibly exist. Bylers were seeing things and making them up. Now, after the Duffers and Noah confirmed things, they’re finding a lot of comfort in instead taking some of this fandoms bigger reaches (don’t mean to offend here, sorry) and using them as ammunition instead, e.g. Finn glancing at Noah’s lips for a millisecond during a take.

But the main point I’m getting at is that people who are dismissing Byler are not recognising that this is a traditional love triangle premise.

Now compare the canonical story to previous m/m ships

So because there are some similar activities happening in this fandom to what has been seen in those previous famous m/m ship fandoms, many Stranger Things fans are dismissing Byler as an imagined ship.

But how many of those old ships were able to boast about actual confirmed feelings, albeit one sided, with time left to explore things further?

There is absolutely no reason why the Byler ship resembles any of those “bromances” or queer baiting storylines in previous franchises and fiction.

This isn’t me saying that Byler will 100% become a couple

What I’m saying is that if nothing happens between them in season 5, that doesn’t undo the fact that Byler are a legitimate ship. It doesn’t undo the fact that Will’s feelings for Mike are canonical and that their storyline follows the premise of a traditional love triangle story.

There are people out there who are already trying to make Bylers feel stupid or ashamed for even exploring the potential of the ship, and all they’re doing is showing us how incredibly ignorant they are.

But that’s not to say that lessons can’t be learned from those previous m/m ship disasters

The one thing you should take from them is that people did get really attached, and so being let down by the show really hurt. It’s fine to speculate about Byler, but please don’t set your heart on them and let it break.

If we start to get legit info or confirmation that the ship won’t be requited, please don’t let yourself fall down the rabbit hole of conspiracy and set yourself up for disappointment.

But we have no legitimate reason to rule out Byler right now

The set up is there, the filming looks positive and the Duffers haven’t said anything to dispute the ship’s potential. Speculation is more than allowed - it’s normal and an inevitable result of season 4. So let’s have as much fun as we can and know that we’re doing nothing “deluded” or wrong.

[actual-changeling]

ohhh yanno...I think sometimes why I get so uncomfortable with meta and theories with GO (specifically in defense of Aziraphale) is that it really starts to resemble pro Christianity rhetoric...and I totally believe that everyone should feel free to believe/not believe in any sort of religion they choose...but it starts to get real uncomfy real fast when I'm reminded of my own christian family and their condemnations of me and the experiences I went through growing up christian and then realizing I didn't believe in any of it...

and for some people maybe that IS why they so staunchly defend Aziraphale, but for me, it's why his actions made me so mad, and why the firm "aziraphale defenders no matter what" lowkey skeeve me out...like that post you said about knowing Aziraphale in real life...yeahhhh no I'd never be friends with him, and maybe that does make me too biased for Crowley, bc I'm imagining myself in his position, bc I HAVE BEEN in that position, but idk I just can't find it in me to defend angel characters or super pro christian type thinking ones when too much of irl has been negatively affected by those types of people. and yeah fiction is not reality but when the premise of GO is a satirical look on religion idk it's just iffy to be so pro angel/heaven imo (obviously this isn't about those who view it with nuance hahaha)

I know what you mean anon, I definitely feel the same.

Seeing people fall into angel good/demon bad without even noticing is... painful, to say the least. Defending all of Aziraphale's actions because he had "good intentions" or "still has faith" or "was traumatized by heaven" is harmful and unhealthy to say the least, and it 100% looks like pro-Christianity rhetoric at times.

We're supposed to look at Aziraphale and see somehow who yes, has good intentions, but has refused to deal with his trauma and problems and ends up making incredibly bad choices as a result. He is supposed to change, so defending his actions is counter-intuitive to the message Neil and Terry want us to receive.

Aziraphale is that kid who tells you sure, it's fine to no believe in God, but you will go to hell and suffer forever, who tells you everyone just needs to "try harder" and that "poor people have mor opportunities" (I still cannot process that he canonically says and believes that), who tells you that you can be gay, but don't be it in front of the children or any people.

Aziraphale is the guy who refuses to deal with his internalized homophobia and asks his queer friends to go back into the closet because he cannot deal with seeing queer people be happy while he is stuck in self-induced misery.

There are reasons why so many people are uncomfortable with his behaviour and ideologies—and you are supposed to be.

[tobias-hankel]

❤️2023 Quan-Tea-Co Fics Recs🖤

The wonderful members of our discord server, Quan-Tea-Co, have written a lot of fanfics this year - this is the rec list!

🖤 SFW No Ship Fics

the friendship we have is a rare find by cherubcurls, Gen, In and out. “I've got this.” she affirmed to herself breathily, looking down at her hands that held two cups of coffee rather than one, still steaming, still fresh. Her heart swelled with affection. She grinned, “We've got this.” OR; Penelope and Spencer agree to meet up to have a study session before finals. A couple of things change and they end up not studying at all.

and i saw my life in photographs of faded memories by whateverislovely, Gen, Morgan reminds him just a little too much of the football players who bullied him relentlessly all through high school and even college. He’s big and imposing, with bulging muscles and a look on his face that says, Are you kidding me? when Hotch informs him that Spencer is the newest member of the BAU team. Five times Spencer misinterprets Morgan's intentions, and one time he's finally able to straighten things out.

where do we begin to get clean again by whateverislovely, Teen, Spencer often participates in toasts with the group using water or tea or potato chips instead of alcohol. This fic explores the events that may have led him to stop drinking.

silence like a cancer grows by whateverislovely, Teen, Diana doesn’t forgive Spencer for having her institutionalized… at least, not right away.

❤️Mature No Ship Fics

Surrender by @starzzyeyed, Mature, He doesn't want this, not really. He never wanted it. But he's in too deep now, and getting out seems less and less possible as the days trickle on, like sand through an hourglass. Or: An in depth look at Reid's addiction, and what it might have been like for him.

what’s this, the consequences of my actions? by cherubcurls, Mature, Because Spencer wasn’t used to safe. He needed adrenaline to pump through his veins and soften the blow for him to have a good day. His family never really liked how violent he was. OR; Spencer comes back home from a particularly horrible fight and his Dad is less than amused.

Solved Game by Boots17, Mature, Solved game: a game whose outcome can be correctly predicted from any position, assuming that the game is played perfectly. A season 12 canon divergence in which Mr. Scratch dies a little too early, Reid accepts the plea deal, and Cat Adams plays a very long game. Years later, the two finally get their rematch.

Ships are under the cut

🖤SFW Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid

A Gentle Touch Hurts So Much by ProfessorWorm, Gen, Spencer has unaddressed childhood fears dredged up by Aaron’s attempt to help him recover from his knee injury.

Day 4 - FFC - Second Love by a1_kitkat, Teen, Spencer never much cared for anniversaries, neither does Aaron… this time there’s an exception.

There Are Secrets That We Still Have Left To Find by @starzzyeyed, Not Rated, Spencer Reid is seven years old the first time he comes out to anyone. Three times Spencer comes out, across three different points in his life, all with three very different outcomes.

❤️NSFW/Mature Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid

Subscribed by AestheticTek and @goobzoop, Explicit, After stressful cases, Hotch finds that camming in lingerie helps him to decompress, while Reid happens to stumble upon the most attractive man that greatly resembles his biggest crush, his boss.

The Absence of Sound by BluePenguinLightning, Mature, The sudden onslaught of sounds startled Spencer Reid awake, not that he ever slept well anyway. He hadn’t slept well in two hundred and seventy-four days. In all honesty, he wasn’t even sure how he managed to make it that far. In which Reid somehow manages to survive a sadistic psychopath but that's only the beginning.

kill your indulgences by cherubcurls, Explicit, Hotch was his; his to keep, his to possess, his to feed on. “No,” he tried to mumble. As best as he could with his canines still firmly lodged onto his throat. “Mine.” OR; Hotch lets Spencer feed on him.

The Boy by house_of_lantis, Explicit, Lord Aaron Hotchner is one of the most ruthless rulers of the City. But despite his fearsome reputation, Lord Hotchner is respected by his people and beloved by those closest to him. He strives to bring order and justice to the City and to protect it from anyone who dared threaten it. Spencer is the newest addition to Aaron’s private harem, stolen from his previous master. Affectionately nicknamed the Boy, he is the exclusive body slave to Lord Hotchner and he learns to navigate the politics of the harem.

Hide and Seek by Highway58, Explicit, An Unsub fixates on the BAU Team, determined to make them his passion project. Spencer Reid is his ultimate target but in order to get to him, he has to go through the people he holds most dear in his life.

Heathen by Highway58, Explicit, The dreams would not stop. Ever since the unexpected case in Las Vegas when he forced himself to confront his painful past, Spencer Reid had not been able to sleep. The visions haunted him relentlessly... he couldn't resist the need to forget it all. Something was happening to him. Something he'd been suppressing for most of his life, ever since that one moment in his childhood he couldn't--wouldn't--face. Soon, very soon... he wouldn't be able to resist his own biology. Even though he had no idea it was even part of him. He was just a Beta... right? Spencer Reid approaches a crossroads he never imagined he could face.

Ain't Always Gold by Highway58, Explicit, Omega Spencer gets knocked up by his Mate Aaron Hotchner in the wake of Emily's death and he doesn't know it until it's about to kill him.

Call Me Daddy by goobzoop, Explicit, Aaron teaches Spencer how to date, but it’s not women he’s making him better for. It’s himself.

Let Me Be Your Only Choice by TobiasHankel, Explicit, After Spencer is kidnapped by Hankel, the team expects to find the omega scared and possibly beaten. They didn’t expect to find Spencer next to a dead Alpha and dying from bond rejection. With limited options and a dying Spencer, Hotch is forced to make a decision that Spencer can’t even consent to in order to save his life.

Every Version of You by goobzoop, Explicit, Hotch's whole world comes crashing down the moment he witnesses his husband get injured right in front of him. Spencer makes it through, but the road to recovery is more difficult than he could have ever imagined. Or, amnesia fic!

A Fool There Was by reasonablerodents, Explicit, Hotch is using Spencer to take out his frustrations regarding his failing marriage. Spencer is so desperately in love with him that he’ll put up with anything- just as long as he can be close to Hotch.

Touch The Leather by reasonablerodents, Explicit, “Well, the problem with shoes is- um, they’re dirty, there’s a staggering amount of bacteria even on the cleanest ones, I don’t want…” He trails off again, swallowing hard. Or: Hotch wants Spencer to prove how much he loves him.

Room on the Third Floor by Matthew1972, Explicit, One minute Aaron Hotchner is walking free, contemplating a forever with Spencer… the next he gets snatched away. Locked up in a cage to the whims of an unsub unlike any other he's ever faced. A hunter and wildcat shifter trafficker. But then, his inner panther and human self alike refuse to be tamed and collared to live out his days as the wildcat alone. To be another victim sold. Will his defiance become his downfall? Or does Aaron get to return home to Spencer and see through on his proposal?

🖤SFW Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid

Maybe Someday Soon by @justjasper, Teen, "Derek talks about you." The Morgan women know that he's in love with Reid. They also know that he is absolutely clueless about it.

Washed Away by TobiasHankel, Teen, It had been over a year since Spencer Reid went missing after he was kidnapped by Tobias Hankel. He was presumed to be dead, but Morgan refused to believe it and move on. After a case takes the team back to the same state Spencer went missing in, Morgan might just get the answers he has been looking for.

❤️ NSFW/Mature Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid

Spun Hearts by JustJasper, Explicit, After a harrowing case Morgan needs control, and Reid needs a fix, and they wind up in bed. Reid sees this as a potential evolution of their relationship, but Morgan is adament that he's not gay. The path towards what they both want isn't a simple one, and a recurring case brings some painful things to bare as they both try to navigate what they are to each other.

When We're Together, Our Bodies They Start Fires by JustJasper, Explicit, 2x06, "The Boogey Man", Reid sits in a police station practicing trying to lockpick a pair of handcuffs with a paperclip. Some short time later, he misses a hangout with Morgan, who goes to check on him.

🖤 Other Ships

Home by KatrioneSpecterRossi, Explicit, Emily Prentiss/David Rossi, Usually when there's a disturbance in the middle of the night, it involves Emily waking up from a PTSD-induced nightmare with her gun pointing at her bed partner's head. This time when she wakes up, it's for a very different reason...that turns out being a great deal more fun.

Level Pegging by Starzzy, Explicit, Elle Greenaway/Spencer Reid, “I don’t need, or frankly have the time to have sex,” he manages at last, somehow forcing his feet to move and take him forwards to the coffee maker. He almost forgoes the sugar entirely, wanting the bitter taste to wake him up from this walking nightmare he seems to be living in right now. “All I’m saying is, you wouldn’t be my first,” Elle says as she comes up to stand next to him.

❤️ Crossovers

I Used to Dread the Thought of Falling Quickly by Chaotic_Librarian, Explicit, Supernatural, Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester, Spencer Reid/Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester, Spencer Reid/Dean Winchester, Spencer Reid/Sam Winchester, Spencer Reid knows how to stumble into odd situations. But being kidnapped and then promptly flirted with? Seduced? by two of the FBI's Most Wanted? That has to take the cake. That, however, won't stop him from falling in love.

Entertained by Chaotic_Librarian, Explicit, Supernatural, Spencer Reid/Sam Winchester, Sam's sitting on his bar stool on the miniature stage again, his guitar in his lap.  Another stool serving as his table with a half-drunk glass of whiskey, he looks out across the mediocre crowd.  Typical Wednesday. That's his preferred crowd, anyway.  Joanne managing the bar, Pauline working the floor, and him on the stage as cheap entertainment.  Strumming his guitar and singing country songs he learned by heart years ago.  Sometimes he'll do requests.  But not often.  Not a lot of Kansans approach the stage when he's playing.  They just let him do his thing.

I Must Admit that I was Reeling by Chaotic_Librarian, Explicit, Supernatural, Spencer Reid/Sam Winchester, Aaron Hotchner/Dean Winchester, Spencer goes way too far to get closure on his fling with Sam Winchester. Because it was just a fling, right? It's not like they're meant to be, right?

To Love And To Be Loved In Return by reasonablerodents and Starzzy, Mature, Grease (1978), Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid, Penelope Garcia/Derek Morgan, Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss, Aaron Hotchner accepted a long time ago that he was never going to be able to be his true self. Not only was it illegal, it was highly unlikely that he’d ever find someone willing to be in hiding with him for the rest of their lives, unless America got a whole lot more open and accepting. That all changes when Spencer Reid transfers to Oakdale to finish his senior year.

Thank you everyone for making such great works this last year! The Quan-Tea-Co server is open to new members as long as you are over 18 years old. Invite Link.

[aloneinthehellfire]

Chapter One: A New Friend, A New Enemy

The Pariahs That Saved The World (Masterlist)

Word Count: 5.1k

Warnings: mentions of death, canon descriptions (vecna's curse)

[A/N: Thank you to everyone who seems really excited about this! I am going to try and post for this one weekly, just so I have enough time between uni and work to write new chapters :) This one is a little long, but I needed to set up Reader's character a little more so enjoy!]

The Introduction <-

A New Friend, A New Enemy

“Y/n!”

You slip off your headphones and greet your grandmother with a smile, laughing when she squeezed you tight. It had been almost 8 months since you watched her wave her hand of farewell in the rear view mirror. You had missed her the most, you think. Her warm hugs, her calming perfume, the way she cared for you.

“Come on, I’ve made us some lunch.” She hurries you inside and you laugh again.

“I need to grab the rest of my things, first.” You shake your head in amusement, escaping her clutches and darting back to the taxi, thanking the man for pulling out your luggage.

Just as you hitch your duffel bag over your shoulder, your eyes catch something familiar a few houses down. A worn out and beaten Chevrolet sat abandoned outside of its former resident’s house, a white piece of paper resembling a ticket you had seen when the mechanics would return your property if not claimed. You could just make out the ‘for sale’ sign driven into the mud, your heart wrenching. You had hoped your return would be free from unwanted memories. That obviously didn’t exist in Hawkins.

“So, tell me everything. How’s Stanford?” Gran rushes through with excitement just as your feet are barely inside the door. “Oh, we are so proud of you, honey. Our little star, a Stanford journalist!”

“Gran, you know it’s only my first year, I haven’t even managed to write anything let alone publish it.” You say, following her with your bags. She was leading you up to the guest room. Well, technically, it was your room. You had never really accepted that.

“Oh, did you notice the Hargroves house is for sale?” She whispers out like an unspeakable secret, and you dump your bags on the floor.

“Yeah, I saw.” You try to remain emotionless, rolling your shoulder until the usual ache faded. You were used to it now, the muscles flaring up every now and then.

“Apparently- now, you didn’t hear it from me…” She starts to lean in and you suppress a smile. Your grandmother, the gossiper. “Apparently, the husband just took off.”

“What?” You suddenly gain interest, frowning.

“Oh, yeah. The end of last summer.” She nods knowingly. “Must have been hard for them after their son died. It was a tragedy. And that poor girl… Andrea down the road told me she and the mother were forced to move into the trailer park down by Kerley. Not fit for a child, if you ask me.”

“They obviously couldn’t afford anywhere else.” You say, mostly to yourself, and Gran simply hums in agreement.

“Oh, which reminds me, Melanie, the one with the bird nest hair, she…”

She begins rambling once again about the neighbourhood, obviously pleased to have her granddaughter back so she can share the gossip. You listened intently, nodding when you needed to, offering your own remarks when prompted. You loved your Gran. The thought of her being alone in this house affected you more than you realise.

The real reason you were back wasn’t because you had missed Hawkins. In fact, you were set on your Spring Break exploring Stanford and all it had to offer. But about two months ago, your grandad was omitted to the hospital and a week later, he was no longer with you. Your Gran had shared how his health had been deteriorating for a while now, that they had expected it sooner or later. So, in the end, it wasn’t a surprise. It didn’t make it any less sad.

“Should I be expecting guests for dinner?” She asks and you blink, frowning.

“Guests?”

“Your friends.” She reiterates, already busying her hands by pulling out your already folded clothes from your suitcase and refolding them how she liked it. “I assume everyone will be anxious to see you. It’s been eight months, hasn’t it?”

“Uh…” You purse your lips, shrugging. “I don’t know, I thought it could just be the two of us tonight.”

Gran gently places down a sweater and eyes you suspiciously. “So, you’ll be seeing them tomorrow?”

“Maybe.” You give off the first vague answer in your head, fiddling with the sleeves of your jacket and sitting down on the plush bedding behind you.

“Hm.” She sounds, sliding shut the first drawer before she silently walks around the bed and sits beside you. “You won’t be seeing them, will you?”

It wasn’t a question. You lift your eyes to meet hers and sigh.

“We aren’t as close as we were before, Gran. It’s… complicated.” You decide and she takes your hand in hers.

“You’ve known them since you were just a little sprout.” She ruffles your hair and you cringe, laughing and batting her hand away. “I’m sure whatever happened can’t be so complicated that you can’t… I don’t know, catch up over coffee? Or whatever you kids are doing these days.”

“I wish it was like that.” You say, and you meant it. After a moment, she seems to understand that you didn’t want to continue this particular conversation and she stands, brushing her outfit back into simple perfection.

“Well, sandwiches, anyone?” She offers and you grin, nodding.

The day before you left for Stanford, you were contemplating whether or not it was the right choice. Gran was right, you have known them since you were a kid. But last summer changed all of that. You weren’t sure you could see their faces ever again.

So, rather than try and find them, you decided to spend the next day unpacking. You’d be here for a month so it made sense to have everything neat and tidy. It was just until the funeral, and then you’d be back at college and studying away any memory of Hawkins being your home. Because it wasn’t. Not anymore.

You can hear the distant ring of the phone echoing up the stairs, continuing to pull out your books. You might as well be caught up with your classes if you were going to spend all your time inside.

“Y/n!” Gran calls up and you push away from the desk to lean over the banister.

“Yeah?” You ask as she stares up at you, the phone in her left hand while the right covered the receiver.

“It’s your friend.” She says with a small smile and your face drops into a frown. “She says it’s urgent.”

“Uh…” You shake your head. Who would be calling you? “Yeah, I’ll be down in a sec.”

Gran nods and relays the information, setting the phone on the side table and disappearing back into the kitchen.

Your footsteps were wary as you descend the staircase, eyes set on the white object beside one of your grandmother’s vases. There was a hauntingly familiar rush of adrenaline coursing through your body, one you hadn’t felt in a long time. Once you reach the table, you shift your focus to the photo frame. It was small, a collected memory from a few years ago now. You were stood there smiling, the camera capturing you in pleasant surprise when a brunette girl behind you had jumped onto your back. It made your eyes sting, and you knew you had to make the decision to answer the call.

Hesitantly picking up the phone, you hold it to your ear and close your eyes.

“Hello?”

“Y/n?” Nancy’s voice blares through and your eyes snap back open.

Barrels of apologies and excuses spewed from her lips and you stand in silent shock, clutching the receiver a little too tight. She could only be calling for one reason. You had known it before you had even answered the phone.

Something was happening in Hawkins. Again. And if Nancy was calling for help, then she truly needed it.

And you’d never let her down.

“Have we met before?” You ask, studying the girl stood next to you.

The walls of the archive were surprisingly bright, shining an iridescent hue on her dark blonde locks. Her blue eyes were blinking back at you, pink lips stuck in a soft pucker of indecision. She was pretty. Really pretty. And at the same time she looked effortlessly cool, a jacket you wished you own. Something about her felt familiar to you, drawing you in.

Then a pang of guilt hits you and you force your concentration on waiting for her answer.

Robin felt weak. Who were you? It was taking everything in her to open her mouth and speak which, as literally everyone knew, was incredibly unlike her.

“I don’t think so.” Robin finally breathes out. There was softness in the way you spoke to her too, calming her nerves. Those strange waves of anxiety were being taken with the tide like you were her lighthouse in the stormy sea of her mind.

“Oh.” You scrunch your face with a smile. “Well, it’s nice to meet you.”

She was surprised to see you put out your hand but she willingly shakes it anyway, smiling back.

When you pull away, Robin seems a little more comfortable, coming closer to peer down at your old project folder, reading along with Nancy. You tried not to stare, busying your eyes with your own work in Nancy’s hands.

“Anything… juicy over there?” Robin asks Nancy and the girl throws her a tight lipped smile.

“Nothing new yet.” She responds and you notice the strain in her voice. She adopted it any time she was struggling to enjoy somebody’s presence.

“Victor seemed like a normal guy. Dead family, missing eyes, took a plea deal, sent to Pennhurst. Blah, blah, blah, blah.” Robin utters as she skims over the page below, slowly raising her head to look at Nancy. “What are we looking for exactly?”

Nancy doesn’t respond and continues flicking through the pages, making Robin’s eyes widen.

“Nance?” She tries again and you frown.

“She’s focused.” You offer, smiling. “She zones in so much that she zones out sometimes.”

“Right.” She nods slowly, still staring at her. “Um, so are we, uh… looking for any mentions of dark wizards or alternate dimensions? Things in that vein?”

You remember something and open your mouth to speak before Nancy interrupts with a huff.

“I don’t know, okay?” She sighs loudly, leaning against the desk and meeting Robin’s eyes. “It’s starting to seem like this was just a big waste of time. And you’re obviously bored so why don’t you just call Steve? I’m sure he’ll come pick you up. And I mean, I’m not really in danger here, so…”

With that, she walks away from the table and grabs another folder you had brought, furiously flipping through as she travels down a different staircase to the filing room. Your eyebrows raise.

“Woah.” You simply say, noticing Robin’s frown. “She’s, uh… hell, I don’t even know. Nance gets ultra focused when she thinks she has a lead on something and, well… she doesn’t like to get it wrong. Which is understandable.”

“So, she acts like this with other people?” She asks and you tighten your lips.

“Um…”

“Okay, that’s a no.” Robin groans, dragging her hands down her face. “I’m trying, I really am, I just struggle with whatever the hell bonding is meant to be, I mean me and Steve literally only bonded because we were both getting tortured and thought we would die. Which, no, not an ideal way to start a friendship but you know what, it’s better than whatever the hell this is.”

“You were at Starcourt?” You frown and she looks back at you, eyes wide like a deer in headlights. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have brought that up-”

“No, no, it’s okay.” She waves her hands, “I, um… no one really mentions it anymore. Unless it’s the news and they’re pretending like it was a-”

“Fire, yeah. I heard.” You say, staring at the stairs Nancy descended. “How did all of this start?”

“Excuse me?” She blinks and you turn your attention back to her.

“This… Vecna, was it? How did it start?” You repeat, shaking your head. “Nancy could only tell me so much over the phone so I’m a little behind.”

“A girl was found dead in the trailer park.” Robin relays, gulping. “Chrissy Cunningham? She’s a cheerleader. Was. They found her with all her bones snapped and her eyes were… gone. They think Eddie Munson did it-”

“Eddie?” You gasp, and Robin looks surprised. “No, Eddie wouldn’t do that-”

“We know. Trust me.” She says hurriedly, “He told us everything that happened. Apparently she was floating in the air and her bones were snapping- it’s a really gruesome story but the same thing, like, just happened to Fred and we need to figure out who this Vecna is before someone else gets hurt.”

“Okay.” You breathe and she raises her brow.

“Okay? I just unloaded a dump of hell onto you, and it’s okay?” She sounded intrigued and you shrug.

“The last few years have been… weird. To the point where weird sounds normal now.” You say, a soft frown on your features.

Robin wasn’t entirely sure where you fit into all of this. Sure, you had information they needed, you’ve been a part of their group for some time, you made sense. What she was struggling to understand is why you were here now. And why you weren’t here before.

“How’d you meet everyone?” You ask before she can. Any thought she had of questioning your arrival was cleverly misplaced. For the moment.

“I worked with Steve at Scoops Ahoy last year.” Robin nods and you frown.

“But I never…” You start before your eyes widen, mouth curling into a smile. “Oh my god, yes! I do remember you!”

“You do?” Robin tries to comb back through her memories.

“Yeah, Max dragged me there maybe… a week after it opened? She was telling me about Steve’s little sailor outfit and of course, I didn’t believe her, so she had to show me proof.” You giggle to yourself, meeting her eyes. “I remember you were taking a break outside, Max introduced us. Well, kind of. She never got to my name before Steve arrived with that stupid frown on his face.”

“I don’t remember that.” She frowns and you bite your lip, shoving your hands into your jacket pockets. “Sorry, I don’t mean that in like, a mean girl way. I mean, my memory is apparently broken because I’m very sure I would have remembered you. Not in a weird way, either, like- I just think you make an impression on people- a good one. Not a bad one.”

“It’s okay.” You laugh and she shakes her head enough to make her bangs sway in her embarrassment. “I looked a lot different then. And I was, like, super shy. I was probably hiding my face or something.”

“Hold on.” She blinks with a smirk. “You’re the girl? Like, the girl?”

“Am I meant to know what that means?” You squint your eyes.

Robin simply laughs to herself until she clocks your confusion. “No, I… Max did bring someone in for, like, one of our first ever shifts together. I remember because when they left, Steve looked like some kicked puppy and I couldn’t work with him and that stupid frown so I made him tell me what was bothering him. Apparently, the girl that left was the girl he couldn’t get in high school and it ‘haunts’ him. It’s so stupid.”

You go quiet and her eyes widen.

“Oh god.” She covers her mouth. “Did I talk too much again? God, I’m sorry- I literally can’t control my mouth.”

“No, you’re right.” You say, shaking your head. “Steve… he and I don’t really get along. Opposite ends of the high school popularity pool until I won this debate contest and suddenly everyone wanted to be my friend. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal, but suddenly I was on Steve’s radar and, well, you know the rest.”

“You can do better.” She simply nods and you raise your eyebrow at her remark. “What? Oh, he’s amazing now. Like, a genuine gentleman kind of guy, but King Steve? Whew, that boy needed a leash or something.”

“You guys are pretty close, huh?” You ask and she smiles.

“Yeah, he’s my best…” She begins before her face drops. Oh.

“What?” You ask when she starts walking away.

“I know why!” She exclaims before turning her heel and marching down those steps to Nancy, finding her sorting through the filing cabinet.

If Nancy heard her, she didn’t acknowledge it. Robin felt so stupid. It had been a while since she’d been a part of ‘girl world’ or, more specifically, ‘girl-code world’. The thought of there being any tension hadn’t even crossed her mind before.

“You do know that Steve and I are, like, totally not a thing, right?” Robin asks breathlessly, leaning against the wooden banister.

“What?” Nancy frowns, shaking her head and turning to look over her shoulder.

“So I figure that you and Jonathan are still going strong ‘cause you guys are going to college together, and you’re like one of those unstoppable power couples, but I… I just… I wanted to make sure that you knew that Steve and I are just friends. Like, platonic with a capital P.”

Nancy’s response in underwhelming at best, a tight lipped smile and Robin almost groans in frustration. She can hear your sneakers steadily descend the stairs and she turns back.

“Just in case that’s adding any tension between us.” She expresses to Nancy and you frown at the interaction.

“It wasn’t.” Nancy replies and Robin sighs.

“Uh…” You start to say, both pairs of eyes immediately looking at you. “Sorry to, um, interrupt. I have stuff I need to do…”

“Right.” Nancy blinks apologetically, looking back at the folder in her hands. “I’m so sorry, I really thought I was going to find something. I… I didn’t want to drag you into this, really, it’s just-”

“Hawkins.” You finish her sentence, stepping off the final stair and leaning against the banister. “Yeah, I know.”

“Holy shit.” Robin gasps, suddenly grabbing the folder out of Nancy’s hands despite her silent protest. “Is that from The Weekly Watcher?”

She points to a specific part of one of the tabs and you move to peer over her shoulder, nodding.

“Don’t they write about, like, Bigfoot and UFOs?” Nancy scoffs, already dismissing the idea.

“First of all, UFOs are absolutely real. Bigfoot I’m still on the fence about.” She comments and you hum agreement. “But may I remind you we are looking for information on dark wizards? If someone’s gonna write about that, it’s gonna be these weirdos.”

“She’s not wrong.” You add and Nancy’s eyebrows raise in surprise. “Yeah, there’s a whole article about Victor Creel. He claimed that a vengeful demon killed his family. Obviously I only added a reference for context, I never actually believed it. You know, before…”

You vaguely gesture the space around you and Robin flips the page over.

“According to several insiders, Victor believed his house was haunted by an ancient demon.” Robin read aloud, and you could feel the goosebumps prickle along your skin. “Victor allegedly hired a priest to exorcise the demon from his home- pretty novel for the 50s, Exorcistwasn’t even out yet.”

“Keep- keep going.” Nancy insisted and Robin frowns.

“That’s all that’s here.” She says and Nancy looks at you.

“He claimed that the exorcism failed.” You recall, staring at the cut out photo of the Creel Family. “He said it angered the demon. It murdered his family, removing their eyes.”

“Did it say why he wasn’t killed?” Robin questions.

“Victor believed he was spared as a punishment.” You say with a twist in your stomach. His whole family died. He was all alone.

“Yeah, that’s pretty convenient for Victor.” Nancy mumbles and Robin frowns.

“Yeah, or super inconvenient.” She challenges, her eyes looking at yours for support. You simply nod, feeling sick. “Victor was declared legally insane by the court, right? Well, what if this is why? I mean, it sounds pretty insane, it just didn’t go public because-”

“The plea bargain.” Nancy jumps in, and you can see her trying to slot all the pieces together, “The records were sealed.”

“What if a demon did invade Victor’s home.” Robin glances between you both. “It’s just, this demon wasn’t any old demon.”

“It was Vecna.” Nancy finishes, and you immediately start shaking your head.

“Okay, you guys got everything you need?” You quickly rush out, sorting the folder around so it would shut. “Actually, you know what, you guys can just keep that, I need to-”

“You’re leaving?” Nancy frowns, following you as you jog back up the stairs and to where you had dumped your bag before. Robin hurriedly grabbed your folder and followed suit.

“Yeah, I told you, I have stuff to do.” You mutter an excuse, slipping your bag over your shoulder.

“But what about-”

“No, Nance.” You suddenly say, much stricter than you intended it to be. You pause your steps, taking a deep breath to look her in the eye. “I hate that there’s something new terrorising Hawkins. And I’m sorry you have to deal with it. I am. But that’s your choice. I can’t do this again.”

Robin stood there, clutching your folder to her chest. Nancy was struggling with her words, and you didn’t look like you were going to stick around long enough to hear them.

“We need you.” Robin blurts and you look at her, frowning. “I’m sorry, but we do. You know more about this case than any of us, you dedicated, what, a whole month? Maybe more? To learn about the Creel House, about the murders. You have information we can’t possible find because Hawkins doesn’t like to keep around its records of murder, and- and Nancy said you were great at this detective stuff which basically means you know what we need to do next.”

Rather than respond, you start weighing your options. The best decision you ever made was leaving all of this behind. Stanford had everything you wanted; hope. Anytime you decided to help them, it was always your life you were risking. That they were risking. Why would this time be any different?

“I really hope you win this.” You finally say, offering half a smile before you push through those doors and don’t look back, disappearing into the darkening shadows outside.

“Damn it.” Nancy curses, resting a hand on her hip and the other on a table.

“What happened between you guys?” Robin asks into the silence and Nancy looks up.

“What do you-”

“I don’t want a vague answer.” She says, still clutching onto the folder pressed against her chest. “She looked terrified. Which, yeah, it makes a lot of sense under normal circumstances. But this was more like PTSD kind of terrified. What the hell happened last year that no one’s telling me?”

The silence left Robin in the dark, Nancy’s features pouring over in restrained emotion.

By the time you had dug out your keys with trembling hands, you could feel the prickling of tears threaten to spill at any moment. They had no right to ask that of you. Especially not Nancy. She was there last year, she knows why you left. And yet again, none of them were listening to you.

You sat in your grandad’s old armchair for about an hour, a book resting on your lap but it remained untouched. It would just be another distraction, another reason to pretend like nothing was wrong. To stop yourself from remembering, feeling.

It’s why you went to Stanford, really. You didn’t care about journalism like you used to. But the work load was almost unbearable, which meant that every waking moment would need to be dedicated to studying. If you didn’t occupy your mind, you’d have to relive last year.

“Hi, sweetie.” Gran says as she enters the room, a shopping bag in one hand. You hadn’t even heard her key in the door. “Did you see your friends?”

“Yeah.” You clear your throat, setting aside the book and leaning forward.

“What did you kids get up to?” She asks before quickly disappearing into the kitchen to set down her groceries. When she returns, you have your head in your hands.

You can feel her fingers gently pry away your hands as she takes the chair opposite you, smiling like she already knew what was going through your head. Looking at her, the way her eyes were glazing over, you felt so selfish. You had left to escape everything that happened last year, and you had left her for months to deal with it all alone. Here you were, wallowing in self pity because your friends hadn’t been there for you when you needed them, and it turns out you’re doing the exact same thing to her.

“I’m so sorry.” You say, wiping away the tear that trickles down your cheek. “I should have stayed with you and Grandad.”

“What?” She frowns lightly, shaking her head. “Darling, no. All we ever wanted for you was to get out into the world, find something that made you happy.”

“But I’m not happy.” You express, catching a sob that threatened to escape. “I just wanted to get away, get out of Hawkins. I wasn’t even thinking about it, I- I just couldn’t…”

Her hand suddenly finds your own, squeezing it tight.

“It’s okay.” She says and you lift your head up. She continued smiling, but it was much sadder now. “No one can expect you to move on from what happened last year as quick as that.”

“And what if I never move on?”

“It’s not about moving on.” She smiles. “It’s about acceptance. It’s about holding onto the memory because you cherish it, not because you are haunted by it.”

The clock in the distance could be heard counting the seconds as you sit there in silence. She was right, as per usual. You weren’t letting yourself feel. You should be embracing the fact that you still had her. Even with all Hawkins has been through, you still had her.

Your heart pangs with panic. She was still here.

“I should be getting to bed-”

“Come with me.” You offer suddenly and she raises her eyebrows.

“To Stanford?” She says as if it were absurd.

“I’m serious. Let’s move away, start fresh. We’ll find somewhere new, Gran. Please.” You beg and she offers a smile, capturing your hand by placing another on top.

“Hawkins is my home. It always has been. I was born here, I met the love of my life here. I watched my little one grow up and, when he had little ones of their own, I watched them grow up too. This is where my family is. I… I can’t leave.”

“No, don’t worry, I’ll get it.” You say, smiling. “You should get some rest.”

Your heart wrenches. If only she knew what you did. About what really happens in Hawkins, what lurks there in the dark. She can’t stay here, not when you know it isn’t safe. Not when she’s all you have left.

Three knocks echo out from the front door, and Gran shifts in her seat, quickly glancing at the clock. Who would be here at this hour?

“Thank you.” She stands with you, squeezing your hand as she dropped it. “Try and get some rest.”

You wait until she’s heading up the stairs and out of earshot before you rush to the door, gently brushing aside the small curtain and frowning at the silhouette. It wasn’t who you had expected.

The door is open barely four inches before she starts talking at you, ring-donned hands clasped together.

“Look, I know we’ve literally just met. And I probably- no, I definitely don’t have the right to ask you to stay with us, but we’re basically alone right now. Half of us are in California, we don’t have any connections in the sheriff’s department anymore. Everyone who would know what to do is gone, and you’re kinda the only person left who can help us. I get so much happened to you last year and I- I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but if there’s even a tiny part of you that wants to do this, then please listen to it. Please.”

Robin didn’t know what she was expecting when she left the school. Her feet had taken her further than her mind was planning, but she knew she had to find you. Max was in trouble, and they were all way in over their heads to not have help. Nancy refused to bother you any further, and she understood, she really did, but this wasn’t a normal circumstance. This was bigger than all of them, bigger than everyone.

“Robin?” You say, brows scrunched together in surprise. She thins her lips.

“Sorry to just blurt that all out, but I didn’t know if you were just gonna slam the door on me- or maybe I’d forget what I wanted to say.” She explained, feeling the embarrassment creeping up her cheeks. She didn’t want to say the wrong thing to you. “Max is in trouble.”

“What?” You sobered at the thought, leaning closer to her. Then, in a moment of split decision, you glance back up the stairs before stepping outside and closing the door behind you. “What happened?”

“We found a connection between all the victims.” Robin tries to explain, and you noticed how expressive she was with her hands. “Basically, Max has the same symptoms as the rest of them, and she’s, like, 100% sure she’s next of Vecna’s kill list.”

“Is she okay?” You ask, and Robin can see the desperation behind your eyes.

“Yeah. Shaken up, but she’s fine. For now.” She clears her throat, a pleading look as she stares at you. “We need to find Vecna as fast as we possibly can before he can get to her. I… I know about what happened last year. About your dad.”

You seem taken aback by her knowledge, eyes darting down to your shoes.

“I don’t blame you for wanting to leave all of this behind.” She sympathises, and she let herself be much calmer than she felt. “But I’m asking you if you’ll help us.”

Your heart was aching as you wipe your sweaty palms against your jeans, barely even feeling the cold rush of wind hitting your bare arms. You had meant what you said earlier; you couldn’t do this again. It took everything in you to move out of Hawkins, go to college and live a life the person you loved the most couldn’t do anymore.

But you were currently stood in front of a door. And behind that door, was the last person you had left, and she wasn’t planning on leaving her home any time soon. As it turned out, fleeing wasn’t an option for everyone else.

“I’ll do it.”

Robin blinks, studying you for any ounce of uncertainty. You looked deadly serious.

Maybe, just maybe, with you by their side, they were taking down Vecna after all.

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[if you see your name highlighted in pink, it means that tumblr wouldn't let me tag you! i am trying to figure out the reasons behind this but it could be as simple as visibility settings so please check that <3]

[saintsenara]

Hiya! What do you think of the idea that Jily and Romione are meant to be parallels? I personally don't quite agree, but what's your take?

thank you very much for the ask, anon!

and the short answer is that i am definitely not convinced...

i presume that the idea that jily and romione are meant to be deliberate parallels hangs on a couple of things. the first of these are a series of superficial similarities, which i think we can dismiss fairly easily:

that each pairing is made up of a pureblood man and a muggleborn woman; that one person in each pairing is ginger; that both pairings fancied each other the moment they met, but didn't act on that attraction until their seventh years; and that both pairings seem to communicate primarily by bickering.

none of these hit for me - not least because, individually, none of james, ron, lily, or hermione are particularly alike.

[and i certainly think that it's tedious to suggest that two female characters must be broadly similar in terms of personality and serve parallel narrative roles simply because they're both muggleborn...]

the second piece of evidence for the two couples being intentional parallels is, however, slightly more persuasive. on paper, at least...

this is, of course, that idea that ron and hermione act like harry's "surrogate parents".

i do see why this is so widespread among the fandom [ron weasley, domestic god, my beloved], but it's a reading of the text which, i'll be honest, brings out the contrarian in me...

harry's character archetype is primarily the "everyman hero" - a hero who is perfectly, averagely normal in terms of talent, intellect, and appearance - who defeats a villain who is abnormal and exceptional. this is - obviously - one of the most common archetypes in the history of human storytelling, because it enables the people who read or hear those stories to see themselves in the protagonist, to root for them, to comfort themselves with the idea that evil people must be so unusual in terms of appearance or behaviour that they can be easily spotted, and to believe that ordinary people can triumph over evil.

but, nonetheless, harry is also required - like all heroes - to be special, and to be set apart from [and, indeed, above] all other characters in the series in terms of importance by virtue of this specialness.

[not least because the main hero-figure he resembles - especially in deathly hallows... is christ.]

in harry's case, his much-vaunted ability to love fulfils this requirement.

and we can see this narrative purpose affecting many of his relationships within the canon text - above all, in the way that he primarily views all the other characters with whom he interacts either as people he needs to keep safe from voldemort or people he needs to keep others safe from.

ginny is the primary victim of this tendency, especially at the end of half-blood prince, but ron and hermione experience it too - albeit in slightly more subtle ways...

for example, everything they ever know about harry's mission is at harry's own discretion - he notably doesn't trust them with several key aspects of it [above all, that he's a horcrux and that he's going to walk into the forest to die] within the canon narrative, and he generally holds the view that their interpretation of events is partial and wrong because they lack the special knowledge that he has as the series' singular hero [in particular, how he says several times in deathly hallows that neither of them understand voldemort as well as he does, and that's why they're so convinced that he'd have hidden a horcrux in the orphanage].

similarly, he insists throughout the series that following him - and following is the operative word - is dangerous to them. he never considers that being associated with them puts him in danger - because his narrative purpose is to be more important than they are in voldemort's hierarchy of interest.

[and, indeed, it's always really striking to me that deathly hallows heavily implies that voldemort doesn't have a clue who either of them are...]

ron and hermione certainly demonstrate many traits which can be associated with parent-child relationships - they are extremely loyal; they are [especially ron] extremely caring, including in domestic and pseudo-domestic ways. ron also provides harry with his greatest longing - the experience of a loving family - in a way which, superficially at least, mirrors james providing the same for sirius after he runs away from home.

but harry is - before the pre-epilogue end of deathly hallows - still set apart from the weasleys by virtue of his narrative specialness. we can see this throughout the series - in chamber of secrets, just after harry is astonished that everyone in the burrow likes him, his vastly different financial circumstances make him feel like there is a division between the weasleys and himself; in order of the phoenix, he initially aligns himself with the group who aren't family when visiting arthur in hospital, and is only brought into the family group at molly's insistence; he leaves ron's bedside in half-blood prince to make room for family visitors; he is adjacent to the family grief over both george's injury and fred's death in deathly hallows.

similarly, while james and sirius' relationship is set-up in canon as essentially fraternal, the same cannot be said of harry and ron. ron is narratively lesser than harry - he isn't as academically successful, or as good at quidditch, or as instantly recognisable, or as aspirational to get to know - and he is very aware of this, which is why his jealousy plays such a major role in the series.

[although it's worth saying, on a more positive note, that his and harry's relationship is genuinely close, mutually fulfilling, and nowhere near as codependent as james and sirius'...]

and so the apparently parental traits which ron and hermione display for harry actually reveal a power-dynamic which is very different from a pseudo-parent-child one - in which we would expect the parent-figures to consider their care for the child-figure to be their responsibility. instead, the dynamic is a [benevolent] master-servant [or, to return to the christ allegory, master-disciple] one - in which ron and hermione fill the role of harry's faithful retainers, who care for him, serve him, and follow him because it is their duty.

this doesn't mean that ron and hermione aren't more important to harry than other characters [ron - in particular - is harry's saint peter, the most important of the apostles, who doubts], but it does mean that they're subordinate to him within the narrative's hierarchy of power.

and this - obviously - is not the dynamic which existed between harry, james, and lily prior to his parents' deaths...

[mx24]

NOELLE CHRIST MASTERPOST

taken straight from a reblog i made, here are various things and imagery in and out of game that displays Noelle Holiday's correlation to Jesus Christ.

CW: Weird Route and Christianity.

to start, just off of her personality, Noelle very much has a martyr complex. constantly giving her own comfort up for other's.

she abides her mother's wishes and cannot say no, she gives herself over to Queen willingly to save Berdly, she pushes her own feelings down and hides them to keep other's from worrying.

much of the characters in Deltarune do this kind of stuff too, however, Noelle's also got a lot of other things that lends directly to her Christ theme.

like her name.

Noelle is the feminine form of Noel, which translates to Christmas. the birthday of Jesus Christ, n all that. Holiday also fits.

also, her appearance.

she's got golden hair, which is a relatively common, yet incorrect portrayal of Jesus.

her antlers have an intentional shape, too; they resemble crosses.

her robes in the Dark World are plain and white. people often attribute this to it being a "snow angel" joke, which it is, but miss out on how it also resembles the stereotypical white robes Jesus is oft depicted in.

near the end of the Normal Route too, we also see Noelle posed exactly in a crucifix position. (the blue hand may as well be alluding to the Weird Route.)

so. as for the Weird Route.

the route itself, the way it plays is suspiciously similar to Jesus' final moments before his own crucifixion, but i'm going to gloss over that mostly in favor of directly visible canonical info. of which is this.

the Thorn Ring, or as Spamton phrases it, "[Ring] of [Thorns]" is a word for word parallel to the Crown of Thorns. the crown was an object of mockery created by the Romans and placed upon Christ's head right before his crucifixion.

... i know i said i wasn't gonna talk about it, but i think it's fair to mention how Kris, a trusted friend of Noelle's, is the one to "betray" her and "sell her out" (Dark Dollars for the ring) in the same way Judas Iscariot, trusted disciple of Christ, sells him out in trade for silver. they are also possessed by the Player, which in one of the Gospels it is said Judas was possessed by the Devil.

now for canonical information outside of the game.

in the Spamton Sweepstakes, particularly Icepalace-Glaceir, the room of which she explores in Dragon Blazers is icy, and more importantly, cross-shaped.

it being an ice area and shaped like that is, i would say, an intentional detail.

ehhhh alright. this is all i can think of off the top of my head, but this girl is a certified Christ Figure.

[goldstargloww]

i really need to talk about my watcher/listener alignment headcanon system don't i? well here we go

so, within eyesandears, we all know grian's a watcher, yeah? and canonically, none of the other players in the life series are watchers or listeners—grian's a special case here.

but there's also pretty popular headcanons, where people like martyn and jimmy are listeners, pearl and bigb are watchers, stuff like that. different people headcanon different things for different characters—those're just the most common ones i've seen

now, i like this idea,, kinda. i like my headcanons to be compatible with canon (and here i'm treating eyesandears as canon). it throws me off when the headcanons contradict canon, so i don't like my headcanons to do that

so, i've come up with a system that's a compromise between those headcanons and canon, which is that players can be watcher/listener aligned, and there's subcategories within those as well :>

first thing i want to note is that just because grian is a watcher doesn't mean he has to be watcher aligned or that he can't be listener aligned. the divide between watchers and listeners is more of a behavior/identity thing afaik, and grian isn't all that watchery socially.

so, i think that, generally speaking, players can be watcher/listener aligned, and then within those, compliant/noncompliant. compliant watcher aligned, noncompliant watcher aligned, compliant listener aligned, noncompliant listener aligned.

watcher aligned

i don't have as much notes on watcher aligned players as i do listener aligned ones and i don't really know why lol, i guess they're just a bit simpler than listener aligned players?

compliant

compliant watcher aligned players tend to play the games most closely to intended. they give the watchers what they want, however unknowingly, and they enjoy it. they enjoy the chaos, they enjoy the destruction, and it's not surprising if they're the catalyst.

noncompliant

noncompliant watcher aligned players more or less play by the rules, but they'll bend them a bit for fun. they'll make illegal kills for the chaos and entertainment, and often go further than they intend to, but they do so anyway because the fun outweighs the guilt.

listener aligned

i like to think that the compliant versus noncompliant categories resemble the listeners' journey as a separate entity from the watchers.

the listeners used to be watchers themselves, and later split off of them, working against them. compliant listener aligned players are most like the listeners at the start of that journey, and noncompliant listener aligned players are more like the listeners today.

compliant

compliant listener aligned players tend to function almost like a tool for the watchers—they listen, they do as they're told, they obey, they comply. they have a hard time disobeying the rules, disobeying the watchers, even if they want to, and this also tends to be out of fear of consequence.

martyn would be a compliant listener aligned player, for example—he's told by the watchers to kill, to betray, to set up things with the intention of destruction. and he follows through, or tries to, because he's scared (at least definitely scared in last life) of the consequences if he doesn't. even when he wasn't consciously aware of the watchers in any capacity interacting with him in limited life, he still did as they wanted.

these players tend to be more of a threat to the server, as they tend to be fairly destructive. so as a result, they're also threatened more themselves as other players know they're a threat and do what they can to protect themselves, so compliant listener aligned players often end up being targeted or considered dangerous.

noncompliant

noncompliant listener aligned players function more like the listeners themselves do in relation to the watchers, i'd say. they only loosely play within the rules, but play along enough to stay alive and enough so that they aren't harshly punished (some comply with them more than others tho)

some play the games out of spite, some play for fun. either way, they don't give the watchers what they want without tainting it in some way is my thought

these players tend to not kill without sufficient reason, and many don't kill much at all. when they kill, it's usually out of necessity, survival, or it's justified—they don't kill for the thrill, they don't kill for the fun of it. they aren't as affected by bloodlust as others either

they have a tendency to not take the games seriously, instead focusing on fun and enjoyment, creating things they enjoy and the like - scott and jimmy, for example, in third life, built cute houses in a flower valley, whereas everyone else built and lived in castles and fortresses lol. scott in particular's priorities always include his base looking nice

the watchers tend to dislike these players, especially the more defiant they are. scott, for example, the watchers hate scott and have since last life

if anyone has anything to add or say please do so i'd love to hear other people's thoughts on this stuff :D