#(i just can’t take it seriously myself. the resemblance is too much)

[anachronistic-falsehood]

“omg adam face reveal 😳” “yo why adam kinda…” “who was gonna tell me adam is hot under that mask??? 👀” girl what are you talking about adam looks like dreamwastaken

[dxckgrxsonx]

I’ll Prove It

Pairing - Jason Todd X (F) Reader Words - 1.7k Warnings - SMUT 18+ - Graphic Sexual Content - Oral Sex (F!Receiving) - Jason Todd would absolutely kiss your pussy before eating you out - He’s a cocky son-of-a-bitch too - Swearing. Notes - hhHHhhh I couldn’t help myself. Jason would be so good at oral, I just know it.

MASTERLIST

**

There’s adrenaline and courage and a burning question in the back of your throat.

The question you want to ask doesn’t come easy. It sticks and bruises at the inside of your mouth, splinters like glass and punctures you straight through the tongue. You think you have one hand locked tight around your own throat to keep you from opening your mouth.

It feels disloyal, maybe even dirty that you want to ask, want to put the words out into the judgemental face of the world. Part of you is prepared to weld your mouth shut, prepared to twist the question into something less revealing, less shameful.

But you need to know.

If you don’t ask now, you worry that you’ll never gain the courage to do it again.

“Jay.” You say, and try to ignore the heat rushing up your neck. “Would you enjoy giving your partner oral?”

His reaction is immediate, and resembles being struck by a live wire.

“Wow. Did they seriously not do it? Not even once?” Jason queries, something unreadable in his voice. His focus darts to the person sitting by the bar, eyes narrowing in scathing judgement.

You don’t know what to do with your hands, “Uh. Not really, no.” You manage to get out, and Jason nearly chokes on a growl. “They said it was too much work, that it takes ages for me to, um...”

You trail off, the words roll around bitterly on the tip of your tongue. You’re not sure if you’re ready to admit that your ex thought you took too long to finish, that they thought that there was something wrong with you and had given up on trying to make you feel good.

You don’t know if you want Jason to know that. It feels almost like betrayal, not only to them, but to yourself.

What if there is something wrong with you?

“Say it.” Jason demands, voice utterly unyielding. He leans in to hear you better and your heart skips when you realise he’s almost looming over you. All quiet dominance and borderline protection. The focus in his eyes would be unnerving if you didn’t know him as well as you do, didn’t know that he’s offended on your behalf. “Come on, darlin’. Say it for me.” 

You swallow, your throat feels like it’s going to close up. You can’t look him in the eye. You still don’t know what to do with your hands, “They said it took too long for me to come, that there was som--that something was wrong with me.”

Jason swears, and you think it sounds more like a snarl than anything else, syllables ground together and gnashed out from between his teeth. You look into his eyes, the vibrant green is mesmerising.

You swear they’re glowing.

And underneath all that beautiful colour, you see something challenging rush in like a storm.

“There’s nothing wrong with you.” He finally says, tugging a hand through his hair. Jason throws another furious look towards the bar, quickly coming to a decision in his head. “An’ I’ll fucking prove it.”

**

You can’t look at him.

You’ve got your head tipped back to the ceiling, thoughts fraying at the edges like so much cheap rope. You try to duck your head, try to meet his gaze. But you can’t. Heat splashes over your cheeks and you chew on your bottom lip. It’s goddamn impossible.

Jason presses his palms over your knees, sweeps them back and forth in an act of comfort. There’s a flutter in your chest, almost like there's something alive and kicking behind the cage of your trembling ribs.

Jason pauses. Then says your name, softly, sweetly, like he aches right down to his bones, “We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

“I want to.” You reassure immediately, finally dropping your head enough to look him in the eye. “Jay, I want to. Please.”

He presses a kiss to the sensitive skin at the inside of your knee and your fingers shake, throat suddenly thick, “If at any point you want to stop–”

“I’ll tell you.” You interrupt.

Jason exhales, you think it might be in relief. His palms skate up your thighs, nudging the hem of your dress higher and higher until he stops when the fabric just covers your underwear. Stroking the pad of his thumb up and down your slit, Jason sucks in a breath through his teeth when he feels your wetness start to soak through the thin fabric.

“Oh, you poor baby,” He breathes, “Your pretty little cunt really didn’t get much attention, huh? I’ve barely even touched you and you’re soaking through your panties.”

Your head thunks backwards against the mirror. A bathroom isn’t exactly the best place to be. But you think that if Jason Todd offered to eat you out in the middle of a crowded room, there wouldn’t be much protest on your behalf.

He slips the damp fabric down your thighs and tucks it in his back pocket.

“I’m getting those back, right?” You ask, head still resting against the mirror. “I can’t exactly walk out of here with no underwear.”

“Sure you can.” Jason says, and you feel him grin against your inner thigh. “I don’t see a problem with you not getting them back.”

You lean forwards, hunger shredding your insides, “You’re not keeping them.”

Jason growls, eyes flashing up from between your thighs, the green is glowing. His hands shove your knees apart, spreading you open in a way that has you wanting to hide your face. A dark smirk flutters over his face, teeth sinking into his lower lip when he sees the puffy lips of your pussy glistening.

“I’m keeping your underwear, baby. You don’t have a choice. I at least want something to remember this by.” He drawls, voice deep and low and catching on the wicked edge of his Gotham accent. Firmly holding your thighs apart you feel his gaze on your cunt. “Fucking hell, look at you. You’re so wet, sweetheart. I can tell you haven’t had much attention lately.” Jason spreads the lips of your pussy apart and you feel your clit twitch and swell under the attention. “Don’t worry, pretty girl, I’ll show you what you’ve been missing.”

Embarrassment sinks its teeth into your throat.

Cockiness isn’t something you’d usually find attractive. But Jason pulls it off like it’s second nature, like it's something weaved into the very fabric of his being. He glances up at you like he’s better than you, like he already knows that he’s going to ruin you. And unsurprisingly, half of you wants to punch him directly in the face.

But he looks good.

He looks really fucking good.

And when he presses his mouth against your weeping cunt, the urge to fight him flickers and dies.

Jason kisses your pussy, kisses your clit. He moves, presses a light smattering of kisses over your thighs and stomach. His mouth is wet. You’re fidgeting, hips trying to chase after his attention. He moves further away each time, trails his mouth in the opposite direction to where you want him.

Digging your fingers into his shoulders you whine, “Jay, c’mon–please.”

Licking along the crease where the top of your thigh meets your hip Jason hums, thumbs still holding your pussy open. Finally dropping down, he presses his tongue against your leaking hole, collecting your wetness and smearing it up to your swollen clit.

It twitches against his mouth and you gasp when Jason sucks at the sensitive bundle of nerves.

“You’re so sensitive.” He mutters, sucking harder just to yank a jolt out of your body. “Bet I could make you come from just a few little kisses.” The thought of Jason kissing your pussy until you come has your head spinning, has you aching to the point of almost pain. Arousal leaks out of you, “Oh,” Jason smirks, “You like the idea of that, huh?”

Moaning in agreement your hips buck. Jason shifts his grip, uses his incredible strength to hold you still.

Dragging his tongue over your clit he gives it long, flat licks. The pressure has your eyes rolling back, fingers quickly sweeping through Jason’s hair. You never knew it could be like this, that oral could feel so good. He suckles at the little bud and you keen, muscles trembling.

“Shit-fuck-shit.” You gasp, chest heaving. “Jay, you’re s’good.”

Using one hand, Jason dips two fingers into your clenching pussy. Sliding them up to the second knuckle he twists his wrist, drags the pads of his thick fingers against that soft, spongy patch inside you and coos when you whine.

“There you go, baby.” He praises, crooking his fingers and fucking you slowly. “You taste so good. Gonna ruin you for anyone else, your pretty princess cunt is mine now, ain’t no one going to eat you out better than this.”

Grinding against his mouth you mewl, thighs shaking horribly.

Your slick coats his fingers, starts leaking over his palm and down his wrist. Jason moans into your pussy, sucks at your clit until it twitches hard between his lips. Tracing random letters over the swollen, twitching nub he catalogues your reaction to each movement, files it away in his head then pulls it forwards, uses it against you.

He gets you right to the edge with barely any effort at all.

Your head is spinning, you can’t think straight.

Jason sucks hard at your clit, fucks you with his fingers, and your limbs lock up tight. Shaking apart in his hands you choke on a garbled moan, hands grasping at his hair, his shoulders, anything to offer support as your pussy convulses against his wicked mouth.

Working you through your orgasm Jason refuses to let up until you start trying to pull away, start shoving his head in an effort to get him to stop licking and sucking at your sensitive clit. He lets you go, glances up at you, eyes fucking electric.

He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, “Told you, sweetheart. There’s nothing wrong with you.”

**

[asordinaryppl]

A3! Main Story: Part 4 - Act 13: Budding Spring - Episode 1: New Prologue

Towa: (So this is Veludo Station~ It’s much smaller than I imagined. The exit should be around here somewhere…)

Towa: (Uhhh, gotta open the map…)

Towa: Yup, this way.

-

Towa: This is Veludo Way…

Towa: (The theater center with the most operating theater companies all over Japan… There are companies of all sorts and sizes here.)

Towa: (I’d only seen it on video before, but there’s for real only theaters all around.)

Towa: (There are theaters as far as the eye can see, it’s amazing.)

Towa: And right ahead… That Holy Land…!

Towa: *gasp* Gotta calm down, gotta calm down. That’s right.

Towa: (I gotta report back to everyone…)

momo has entered the chat momo: on veludo way rn

Iv: graaats. been a while since you updated us w shiki: so that’s veludo way? Kar: Judging for AI momo: it’s real! Kar: ain’t it kinda blurry shiki: congratulations on your long-awaited pilgrimage! good for you! momo: i haven’t started my pilgrimage yet. i gotta calm down first Iv: just get in there w momo: this holy land is a sacred place you don’t just casually dip your feet into. if you step there lightly, it’d be rude. Kar: sudden essay lol Iv: hardcore otaku so cutieful shiki: you’ve worked hard to get there, so enjoy it to the fullest momo: i will! i'm going!

[Towa bumps into Shift]

Towa: !?

???: “--Ouch.”

Towa: Eh…

Towa: (Are they crouching? Because I bumped into them…? Are they okay?)

???: “What are you doing. For God’s sake.”

Towa: (Huh? I think I’ve heard this voice before…)

???: “Come on, lean on my shoulder.”

Towa: …G-GOD-za’s Haruto Asuka and Shift Arakawa!?

Shift: “I’m done for~... I can’t walk any more~...”

Haruto: “You drank too much.”

Shift: “My whole life’s done for… I can’t take a single step forward…”

Haruto: “You just got dumped, don’t exaggerate so much!”

Towa: (Ah, could this be… Veludo Way’s infamous…)

Shift: “I’m not exaggerating! I’m always just someone else’s foil! At best, I’m the second choice, I’m never gonna be the center!”

Shift: “If I keep living like this, my only role will be to support someone else’s life.”

Shift: “Is there even a point living like this…”

Haruto: “Then live your life for yourself. Stop thinking of other people as the protagonists.”

Haruto: “Your life’s protagonist is you, yourself. Only you can decide what kinda life you’ll lead.”

Shift: “My life’s protagonist is me, myself…”

Towa: (I can’t believe this is a play with no script…)

Towa: (I’d only seen Street ACTS in videos before, to think they do it so naturally… Amazing…)

Haruto: Thank you very much~!

Towa: — —

Shift: GOD-za’s past performances will be streamin’ till tomorrow! It’s a limited-time campaign! 

[Applause]

-

Towa: (I’m so lucky to get to watch a Street ACT by GOD-za’s top duo in a place like this…!)

Shift: Ah, sorry for bumping into you before.

Towa: !! No! It’s alright!

Shift: See ya.

Haruto: Thanks for watching~

Towa: *siiigh*~... I should’ve taken a video…

Towa: (So it’s true that all kinds of actors do Street ACTs on Veludo Way.)

Towa: (Then, they will, too…)

Towa: (I mean, I don’t think I’ll be this lucky two times in a row, but, but, if I could meet my oshi…)

Towa: —

[Paper rustling]

Towa: (I don’t think something that good will happen, but I’ve already decided that if I get to meet him, I’ll absolutely get him to sign this.)

Towa: (My most important treasure…)

Towa: Ah, did I even bring a pen…

Towa: (Huh, I don’t have one. Seriously? I forgot to bring one~?)

[Wind blows]

Towa: Wah—!

[Paper falls]

???: …?

masterpost | next episode

NOTES:

(1) w is a kind of laugh often used in japanese texts, resembling lol. i kept it as w because kar uses で草 (also resembles lol), which is actually said out loud and i assume people actually say lol out loud

(2) this was a great reminder i'm pushing 30

[fanficapologist]

Whew boy, the tension between Alys and Maera was so thick you could cut it with a knife. I think this is also a lesson to take Helaena more seriously *nods solemnly* we’re taking notes of these prophecies. I combed through the previous chapters to find that particular quote hahahaha.

First, let’s unpack the confrontation scene. Not sure if this is just me but I kind of feel like Maera was humiliated? I can’t name the exact emotion but yeah, because Alys got pregnant first, and a boy no less. Props to Maera too because in the spirit of not pitting women against women, she really held it together. I can see how she wouldn’t want to immediately lash out at Alys just because she’d lain with Aemond, I mean it does take two to tango, but good lord, is Alys testing her. I don’t expect her and Alys to become fast friends because there will always be tension given her feelings for Aemond and Alys also seems to somehow hint she has him under her spell but I don’t know what she’s playing at because from the onset it seemed every breath is a taunt.

Alys also seemed condescending or patronizing because here Maera is, confronting her and she’s somehow made to feel like she’s the mistress.

“You look upset; you needn’t be” it’s like Maera is the mistress finding out the wife is pregnant. Translation: oh, don’t worry, you’ll get to play happy family too.

I think it must also be jarring given their physical resemblance. In a way it seemed Aemond only liked her because she reminds him of Alys, which again, if I were her, I’d be questioning my entire relationship as well. Again, props to Maera for regaining control of the situation because really, what would happen should Alys give birth? I think even if Aemond didn’t have romantic feelings for Alys, no doubt he’d feel something for his child. And in other versions or tales about Alys, she asserts her child’s right to the throne, and in this universe, this puts Maera in danger or at the very least calls her status into question.

Next, THAT convo with Aemond. Yeah, I do believe he didn’t know but surely he can’t be so stupid and not think it through?? I mean what did he think Alys was going to do with his seed? He already knows it needs to be through lying with her. Or maybe he was so desperate for him and Maera to happen he’d say yes even if it meant selling his soul but did he think he’d get off scot-free? Serves him right, Maera leaving him sexually frustrated. I also think in a way it’s a form of reassurance for her, to remind herself that even though he has a bastard, he’d lain with Alys, at the end of the day, she’s the one he loves and wants.

Ooh this was difficult to read but at the same time, I can’t quite stop hahaha. And while I feel sorry for Alys because a lot of people can be quite posessive-protective of Aemond, myself included, thus damning anyone who’ll portray her, I do feel, in your story, she merits only a few chapters hahahaha. I can’t quite stand her, there I said it. That said, I am sooo ready as to how things will unfold. 💕

I’m curious to think why Alys is so fucking certain she’s having a boy 🙄 it would certainly strengthen her position, and she knows that, but she’s just a bit too confident for my liking

I think I can only do like three or four more chapters of Alys because as much as I want her to be in the story I fucking hate her 🤣 (totally not because I’m a possessive protective Aemond girly)

For real, the sex was for Maera, not for him. She came and went (literally) 🖤

[toinfinitywinning]

this is get to know you time. the cringy name game at every camp in the world you do with toilet paper. enough.

Conversations and thoughts resembling the same level of random and incongruence of my Apple Music library. like Josh Groban is to Eminem: Mercy Me. a lot about everything that’s not a hashtag bc it just needs more attention.

Let the first (post) be first:

Hi. I’ve never done this before (like a seriously grown up blog on purpose. Just when just followed sad somewhat desperate poetry with a random live-laugh-love meme in there somewhere.) and Pitch Perfect.

BUT.

For 2 years I’ve had Long-Haul COVID. It’s a different kind of lonely

Thanks so much, amirite? —Gen-Z apologies if I didn’t use that jumbled acronym-word correctly.

It’s hard to keep up.

See? What am I talking about now and how did I get there…

Due to a very common symptom of LHC…

Again—hard to keep up. It’s there. Tho

And I have a lot of quirk so it’s possible I think you’ll “get” but are just nice not to tell me

BUT.

It’s already gone. Train left the Station yesterday.

Slipped on a penny.

Not Good. not even funny.

Teens with the gorgeous graffiti have to Go elsewhere. I’ve always been jealous of that kind talent.

Whole lot better than something else shiny thrown on the track and it’s derailed. There’s at least some innocence in a paint can.

WOW.

I have major attention and Brain Fog hurdles to conquer or shortly bypass. You might not be able to tell b/c of how My writing jumps around so infrequently.

Not true but still easier.

Mostly innocent and playful.

Sadly the attention part is this many years young.

Writing comes naturally. As it always has, strangely...

And why is healing so exhausting? Writing is therapeutic but My body says—can you not?

i know im not the only one asking that!

As if I have time for that too.

find a community of people suffering just as similarly and gain strength, tips and tricks.

Just, speak-screen edit my writing for me. Maybe a clarification fact-✔.

Just not wherever Tr*mp gets his.

Could be Truth Social. Monthly fee tho will cost you your Red Hat.

MYGAbad

Speaking I struggle with processing w/e skills I must have held onto.

BUT.

Since 2 years is quite. some. time.—I’ve shared many struggles and victories.

Like a Bell curve. Or a punk Domino falling then lining them up takes longer just to go down again in half the time. Repeat.

It’s very likely I Will try to talk about many things at once.

I really can’t help that. LOL.

Jury’s still out but I get most of my writing and miscellaneous musings from mom.

Dad can write the best, longest, and precious prayers and notes.

Almost delicately but like you KNOW he’s giving you a hug.

A Good mix tape’s paper Version.

Enter Run on sentences. Truly a stream by now.

Although my brain muscle is weak I’ve been encouraged by several people to Start a blog. Someday I’ll include the past 2 years of w/e pics are on other SocMed.

I can’t think of anything worse.

Yea, okay LOL.

Judgment free. Occasionally… like normal doses then have to work through that.

Mostly that’s because I knew nothing about anything before I opened My computer and started sharing My thoughts under zero context ridden or form at all.

More likely as well to offend and piss someone off. Well done you’re now one less friend popular. There’s an App for that tho-tracking people Who don’t like you.

Not sure where I’ll land with this. It may not land you either.

Because like a lot of us. Sometimes you don’t get to talk actually. No Room.

I like routine; that’s out. So it gets dull.

I’ve learned I hadn’t yet given myself the space to see all of things I can do sitting down.

But. By “given” I mean to say that perhaps I didn’t know it was there.

One Good thing I’ve gathered from this Hell.

Hell fresh by the Day! Never frozen.

So at that time and in this case of my life; sitting is fine.

Some of it isn’t too bad. The writing. You will find questionable punctuation. Run on sentences that I was running.

Relevance at all.

All around Confusion…altho connect the dots could have been seen as practice.

Or annoying even. I’d have no words.

I truly don’t set out to be funny. I could never do stand-up or improv. Or act.

Humor forced just takes and receives too much energy that might come off insincere.

Nothing on command.

Like Matt Perry’s brilliant improv wit it just doesn’t hit the same.

B/c it was scripted.

A syllabus for it Imagine.

The horn to jump off the swim block.

It’s when Life feels more scripted a lot of people close up.

That’s because you’re not in charge anymore. I’ve lost the Power.

Don’t prefer caring about whether someone likes me like I used to.

I believe you can snooze me for 30 days or say ‘I’m done w/ her’ and send Me to the cyberarchives.

Okay. Okay.

So—90% of the time I’m witty and sarcastic with a bit of cynicism, discomfort (for you), and pettifogging.

I write primarily about the questions of intersectionality.

How do things fit.

Let’s Fit it.

Until I figured out physics and calculus and basic math were behind a career in architecture and the classes I would have to take, I enjoyed taking things apart to make something else.

Not always pretty.

Could be Good what I took apart was the best thing we can’t see.

Like I’m writing questions but with wisdom not meaning to do that either,

A lot of people don’t like that. You do you! Baby.

I don’t mean to be at all harsh or hurtful. I try not to say that anything vainly.

I say it b/c a lot of what I’m writing is all of every piece of stream of consciousness tallied.

And it was a synapse connecting another.

Maybe that’s the creative part? The other side of My Brain is telling Me to ✔ on the other side so I’m like…crickets.

What I write is stream of consciousness, brutally honest and to some might be lightly offensive. In College writing this Way would’ve absolutely driven Me crazy.

Then life steps in and bonks u on the head with a newspaper but 15 years later returns the favor with an iPhone.

Or too blunt. And comes across as harsh. And that’s mostly because if I don’t have an emoji to match my real-life broken ღ I’m breaking up with you.

Self reflection: impulsive

I used to journal so much growing up.

When did I lose that innocence?

We can’t talk about folding paper into cranes and witchcraft finger fortune games anymore?

No more MASH?

Huh, maybe you weren’t born this Way. Ur Parents just drew circles nearest each other or your apple stem twist broke too soon and you want a partner whose name starts with P.

Very often I overshare. If you’re reading this this is not brand new information. No ability to say things simply. Think I’ve already. That can put me really vulnerable to more bitcoin hacks.

And then you need to figure out what bitcoin is. And whether Mario can collect coins as well in place of the hackers.

I’d say ask Tom Brady b/c of his investments but since retirement he’s been pretty deflated.

Mean people that mean to hurt.

First of all I feel sorry for you. Not in a poor you tho.

People Who hurt on purpose don’t often have any Way to vent or get a rise other than evoke feelings in and deflect toward a schoolmate.

Skip back to the part I tried talking about vulnerability. It truly is the invisible cloak and no one can see you but nothing makes sense still and you’ve only fixed what’s on the outside. Now you’re peeved AND cloaked.

At this conjunction junction next I’d suggest try shopping at Target opposed to Abercrombie then.

Feet in the water right above bankruptcy to see how things could be different only what…if?

Good ♧ seriously.

So there’s more grace given when you fall. When it’s not your month Day or even year!

Nobody is there for you!!

And My cloak is getting rained on.

Maybe gathering strength from falling will come a common sense with a 6th one but with seriously meaningful things I’ve learned and less hard knock’s Life for us.

The hard Way.

The bottom’s still there and it actually stinks stinks. Discouraging b/c there are two sides to the bottom of the cave full of stalagTITES and mites.

All the up’s and down’s. Right there. And the COVID-19 bat OMG!

You know you may not be able to fall any further further but once you’re up again you’re wondering whether you should get some cement to close that thing off.

Choose to live! But welcome to the real world—it sucks—ur gonna Love it.

Almost 4got. In the cave you dont always have to wait for Jesus to be resurrected if that metaphor comforts you but if change comes and it requires a whole new worm can of Life we already can’t handle that gets us outta the dank I don’t think we need to ask permission to the rights of that Bible passage.

BUT.

Until YOU are ready for change...

Forget it. At least you meant well. Someone can guide that horse to water but it stays pretty hydrated, so he says he’s Good. Promise. The only talking animal and it was Me Who got to hear it. More importantly, who’s gonna ☊? Care? There’s a country song finding out Who your Friends are. A lot stay lost and it’s not helpful all our Friends aren’t the same.

Missing a Good chance to find out if you’re in a similar predicament and that not always a bad thing.

At times I have literally had to be lifted off the floor.

I don’t do this at all for pity. As you read, My Pride is the biggest obstacle to let Go.

When you do?

The hard way through this.

I am angry and irritable for bouts. Sometimes I’m silly and invite karma punishments.

Go all Brimstone and every type fire and the Old Testament has nothing New-thinking and no one new to add to it. SMH. Nail a list on the wooden church door reading it is nearing endgame. Or, Just open your hotel drawer and tear out the back half.

So change then— If it were Me and it has been just not an actual hole I’d be outta there due to the spiders and crickets alone. Jiminy’s Cool.

If u can’t change and just stay a novice bunny hill—fine! Stay there. Build some confidence through experience.

And isn’t that another thing? Something specific motivates the fire under your (cuckoo!) and before you’d see the dark without any End of the tunnel and more importantly with the light aspect. All the sudden you care b/c what? It applies to you of course be selfish. Fascinating yet humbling.

Then there’s the ‘Why Me’ (?) phase? Not fully pitiful but just pretentious enough to resume the trailblaze. Bad attitude with a healthy dose of are we there yet and trying to Balance whether someone is saying …’they get it; you always feel bad’ so…KY Basketball banter? Ashamed accompanies too bc thing is a few times I did kind of scoff at phrases like I always feel bad. Like, here’s 2 Extra strength Tylenol.Alright, Ok, come test for Covid 1/29/22. It shouldn’t take going through something to empathize with or change but you could’ve listened for longer with a clear mind. Just cannot wrap your head around it and I think sometimes that’s okay. What’s next I’ll try so hard.

+ It’s 12:01am of 1/29/24 (so last night), you still can’t do math and/or struggle to add or subtract 12 so aren’t entirely sure its your sophomore year orientation, and you already surrender to what you didn’t want to get up for in the first place. Kind of silly u set the alarm! B/c Pain, confusion, Discomfort and a Deep loneliness that has very little to do with people awaits. That whole scenario is a disaster but look who’s standing and GOT. UP. period. 15 years ago that’s where I’d be. Just defeated.

THAT. Is enough some days. I say that to you struggling to believe the same but know Deep down.

Year 2 longhaul and youre wondering why there are anniversaries at all given about half are always sad or tragic. Evoking the worst on what could be the best. Might be something To think 2 minutes ago you’d ended your prayer to have a better Day. Of anything is true about everything happens for a reason I’d say having to chooose how to respond given you have the privilege at all to that just means were normal. B/c ill be honest I would not

I’m angry. WHAT is so complicated about your lack of Faith or belief prayer must go into an encrypted iCloud even the FBI can’t retrieve or interpret. Never had a chance! But I’ll add that it’s worth noting prayer doesn’t deal with its existence in transaction currencies..

Feel less Pain but feel more with it or stronger now. Or, just plain ‘ol numb. Similar to Addiction I suppose people get so used to being healthy one Way or another they don’t even notice better OR worse and no one is getting married.

Truth is.

Yea.

I’m in Hell, but I’m not on a ventilator. I’m not without relentless Support.

I still can smile but laugh just a bit before it hurts.

Something is always worse.

SomeONE is doing worse.

Somewhere and definitely rn.

I never knew I’d be dealing greed of perspective for this Long.

Something you’ll never find out about that changed your life’s trajectory where an explanation would have only confused things.

Then we still have the chance to be astonished and then genuine bc of that. Thankful. Expectant. With Faith somehow. Maybe carrying someone else’s Hope for a while might burden you less for a short time.

You dont need to see eye struggle and suffering. You dont need examples. You just know. There’s a fleeting peace u might not see again for 2 days but in knowing it’s not just you with the same bs going on.

Like here. Here is someone who needs support but in a different Way but how unique it could be to trade just for a bit. It’s not leg day this time remember u agreed a temp trade.

We don’t have to know everything. Most of the time I don’t give God the time to keep up w/ Me let alone do anything miraculous before I just hang up.

Although My Life was headed in a completely renewed direction in so many ways of recovery—

I got sick. Not because it was meant to be.

Because COVID. Possibly a rabid bat. Cracked vile or petri-dish

Everything does not happen for a reason and ppl dont like hearing that bc its an easy out. Says time might go on but this thorn wont ever heal. How do we respond? that’s the most authentic and a strength yes or no wand.

I hate cliché. Thing is tho…I think we all hate it b/c it doesn’t hold us accountable. Eh it’s fine.

Unfortunately we wouldn’t have the pretty, surprise, one of the Walk to Remember walks. All up to the of healing and forgiveness individual to each of us.

If for Me that means ive healed all I can and I’m counting on research to help Me out some more maybe I just keep going. Trust Me nothing is forgotten but you do know now that at least you were strong and capable enough to figure all that at all. And—I can do that. Some days aren’t that kind.

Maybe it becomes a goal we never anticipated but ✔ your resilience at the ticket line and saddle up, honey.this donkey only holds ____ lbs. let some things Go. That thing will still only walk in a circle but you’ve evenly distributed your baggage.

The feeling of pure joy. Which btw does still require a thesaurus b/c it is NOT the same as joy. Like a preventative Med to an acute one.

Then feel Accomplishment.

Not knowing what’s next but trying to be prepared.

It’s a surprise party we never RSVP’d and don’t regret it.

And it’s a Good thing u got outbid for that yacht.

Hell, tho, you won’t be forgotten but pushing helps the donkey move faster for now that is acceptable.

Unshun. Reshun. (This will make sense if you Watch the Office)

Flee fly. Be gone. Thankfully we hope to come out more resilient after the rip and tear and often not fully repaired sewing lessons.

But perhaps the biggest trait I’ve had to work on is My Pride. I want to do it.

I’ll give myself 3 strikes. 4 balls.

Then I walk to First.

Please do not get Me a gift.

I Love you and that was so sweet.

Would I be as generous?

Do u work, yea. It’s just one really hurts more and being tough isn’t tough at all if it’s not helping the worst hurt.

Those are sitting down, timeout thoughts.

The compression socks need to breathe.

But once the Pride slides over, let go, I get to know how it feels to very tangibly be taken care of and watched over.

Patience. The other side of a rant.

Later on that.

My main goal is to learn. Connect. Be called out if something comes off really tasteless.

Laugh at things that don’t have anything to do with being chronically sick. Laugh about what Medicine u had to administer and royally failed.

Sometimes all coupled with a handicap car-tag. No crutches either b/c I don’t like hearing I Will get better. It is a nice statement but it is impossible to be sure. Ive struggled with that b/c I know everyone believes that and means well I’ve just taken prior sick Gentry’s generalization and multiplied.

I am not making light. I think part of me is using the sarcasm as a coping mechanism.

Praise God there is something that does help the pain or at least distract from that Pain just not the one in your legs.

A codependency just a bit less severe. Embarrassing. Reason for judgment. Too easy.

If you can believe it—-I am not the same person I was 2 years ago.

For now I truly don’t know how. Pain can leave, anything traumatic can be worked on. You’ve got your scars.

I actually really think a scar is just unique as a snowflake or fingerprint. Telling so many stories. B/c a scar does mean something has healed. And it never forgets at one time it was painful. I’d prefer to see what I accomplish but I see wonder and beauty in them.

Things get pretty deep, complicated and downright pitifully sad. Vulnerable. Frighteningly true and relevant.

So I take what Good I can get in that day and pray those with LHC (Long-Haul COVID-19)

Be released.

However. On the flip tail’s side.

I’m 35 years aware there are some people who just don’t like me.

Until recently I wouldn’t have meant ‘sorry not sorry.’

I do now. To a respectable extent.

Reader discretion is advised. I promise I never set out to hurt anyone.

definitely not on purpose.

Because. Idgaf. Not bars being held. Que sera, sera.

complete transparency and seriously tho this doesn't mean i dont care. i wear my heart on my sleeve like a ding-dong ready to get hurt.

call it a diversion. we were on a break.

i just might take all of whatever hits wrong and turn that in to whatever ounce of assurance I can with the openness and to the best capability to learn new things and grow with compassion.

And back to writing—may already be just engrained but I don’t ever have a thesis, 3 supporting ideas or a better word then a conclusion.

You might find yourself confused. Reading it again prob won’t help.

Some will be really bad. Ugly. Waste of time. it was at least therapeutic for me.

Already is.

Even more might not make sense.

Read at your own risk, basically.

I have confidence but not really. Just enough not to care to change.

But I think about it. Because I’m wrong a lot.

challenge me. ill try to get through the fog.

But a lot of things have changed. in ways i might not even know Beauty in the Mess.

To sum up the above (sorry, there won’t be another summary after this disclaimer’s commercial intermission.)

I want to be as positive as possible.

Be in control of what I can. Ask for help for what I cannot.

I’m so ready to get My Life back. Trust Me and trust anyone Who tells your theyre in constant pain.

Really embarrassing I used to kind of scoff and be empathetic.

Funny how youre so sure of things.

Until it happens to you.

Suddenly it’s back to the drawing board and humility.

I wear my ღ on my sleeve. My greatest superpower and kryptonite.

What you read is as close to what you get as possible.

Balance can be unfair.

Please know that I care. I try harder than I ever had before. There are things I didn’t even Imagine could happen to someone when sick.

In all the ways I want to come out of this even better than what I envy I was entering into when I got sick.

There will be a WIDE range of thoughts similar to how i write. Mostly Sports and public figures and the politics I can comprehend.

B/c I know there’s someone out there who’s homeless because of this diagnosis. Or was deadly. Fired.

Divorced.

Ive become a bit of a nerd. Childish in some ways b/c you have to be creative…to be creative.

How do I even Start philosophizing that? So I don’t.

So I try My best to be the best I can. Inspire. Elicit laughter and new ways of thinking.

Questions.

Really tho? I just wanna be me.

thank you so sincerly to anything fromn a meme to a gift to a hug a prayer a smile, company, vibes if they can travel

but most of all

for holding hope when ive not been strong enough to.

For better or worse

for loving me.

making me feel heard.

idk what tomorrow holds but if its the same as today ill know at least i can make it and i am still beyond blessed and cared for and loved unconditionally.

even if forever.

wanna feel free, free.

to be me unabandoned.

changed for the better without knowing it.

some people dont have that option.

or even less the resource or safety to write about it.

Lastly mostly—I’m thankful for Insurance and the ability and privilege to work from home. And. Still have a job in general.

A Family and Family reserves holding me.

gentry.gonna.gents/g3

next. and if you made it this far, bless you.

thank you.

you mean more than you know to me. to anyone miscellaneous thanks as well and to my family and extended family and friends and job and insurance.

im in better shape than a lot. perspective sucks in the throes. selfish not selfish but my gosh turn the lights off. each journey is sooo different, but idk find the goodness and inspiration inbtw. There will be a rainbow soon enough, I wont make the bold claim and promise you one tho,

semi lastly and vulnerably, we've all been hurt. all going through something.

I say this every time something really bad happens. Ya know the ‘this is even worse,’ talk.

This one holds every candle.

Funny not funny none are the same and you’re never fully prepared.

and no one knows what it is you’re dealing.

give grace when I can’t sometimes.

cliché’s be damned lets just golden rule it b/c that one’s hard to do too but it sounds cute and Idont see a periodic table saying A! U! Be nice and welcoming.

I know I’ve forgotten something.

So I’ll fight.

But I still get to complain.

Feeling so entitled to this ill.

Sincerely,

Gentry

no ps you're welcome

[paging-doctor-who]

This is an EXO-CBX appreciation post.

A brief break from our usual programming to shoutout EXO-CBX for standing up to unjust treatment. I can’t imagine how terrifying it must have been and must still be in their shoes, publicly going up against such a massive corporation that has heretofore controlled their careers…but I know their members have their backs on this, and hopefully this will set a precedent to help others in the industry.

I became a fan of EXO in the summer of 2014, which was, to put it simply, a very uncertain and strange time to become a fan of the group. Seeing the information about the lawsuit has caused me to think back to my initial impressions of them, and what a journey it has been with them over the years. This is an EXO-CBX appreciation post.

Xiumin was one of the first members I remember noticing during different performances and shows. Sure, he was uniquely adorable (protect the hamster), but I was more surprised by the kind of understated maturity he radiated within his cuteness; he would be playful and mess around with the others, but there was always this quiet calm he had in the midst of EXO chaos. It’s a tough job, being the eldest, needing to balance different roles. He’s always been a bit more in the background—happy to support and add on, rather than take center stage, and you can tell how his members appreciate him.

What a rock Jongdae has been. It’s amazing how consistent he is, how loyal and supportive he has continued to be in tough times. It’s telling when every member of a group agrees that this is the kindest person around, a vocal powerhouse who’s gotten such rough treatment over the years for falling in love and having kids. Through it all, Jongdae has stayed gentle and steady. Every member brings something so necessary to the group, but I think of Jongdae as being, in some respects, the soul of the group.

And then there's Baekhyun—a clever mischief-maker, the apotheosis of beagle-line chaos, our sweet songbird. From the start, I’ve been torn between fond exasperation and bewilderment watching his variety show antics, because it’s impossible not to smile at this funny little brother’s actions. As someone whose personality probably more closely resembles Suho’s, I deeply appreciate friends who don’t let me take myself too seriously or get stuck in ideas of perfectionism, and I see lightening everyone up as part of Baekhyun's charm. No matter how much Baekhyun (and squad) tease their leader, there’s such love that runs underneath in the inside jokes and affectionate roasts. Baekhyun is known as a prankster and joker, but within that he looks after his people. Even after all he’s gone through for having a personal life, he really maintains that joy and warmth.

I know it's important not to put celebrities on a pedestal--everyone is human. This post isn't saying these men are perfect angelic robots, just that from everything I've seen in following this group for nearly ten years, I have faith in them to stick together and overcome whatever faces them; and I know from the outpouring of support that EXO-L will cheer them on the whole way.

We are one, and always OT9. Let's love<3

[myluciddreamer]

Dreams of Disappointment

I sit in my car staring at my phone as if there was something important on it. There isn’t. I scroll habitually between the various apps, none of them really holding my interest for more than a moment before I find myself swapping to a new one just to go right back again. I like the mundane life. Boring moments like this mean there is nothing bad happening… but nothing necessarily good either I suppose.

A notification drops down across the top of my screen… it’s… Curtis? My ex hasn’t messaged me in a few months. I guess his new girlfriend is out of town again. What does he want this time? My eyes scroll over the notification. A meet up? Seriously? I feel excitement welling up inside me and do my best to stifle it. I can’t get my hopes up. That always leads to heartbreak. Still, I find myself dropping everything to head out to meet him.

I arrive at the place he mentioned; a near empty parking lot with a large nondescript white van parked towards the edge. Odd place but that doesn’t stop me from confidently entering the van from the passenger side door. Much to my surprise the van is significantly bigger on the inside, resembling more of a large clean shipping container set up to be a temporary home. I see Curtis sitting cross legged at the far end, his back towards me as he focuses on the video game he is playing on a small tube television. He barely acknowledges my greeting, not even bothering to turn around and face me. I sit behind him at a short distance, waiting patiently for him to properly acknowledge me… but he never does. He is far too focused on whatever video game is on the screen before him. I begin to feel a bit silly. This is why I didn’t want to get my hopes up in the first place. This happens every time. I should have known better by now. After about 10 - 15 minutes of being ignored I finally stand up to leave. I say goodbye and he doesn’t even acknowledge me. I had brought a white bag of fast food for us to eat together and decide that I don’t even want my portion of it anymore. I leave it on the seat I was sitting on for him to have and take my leave. Disappointment seems to be my only reliable friend.

[punkscowardschampions]

Mafi Pt.3

Fi: it’s infuriating how you managed to pick the ideal dress to tempt me without knowing I’d be there to be tempted

Mattie: but you were x2

Fi: but you just walk around looking like a figure from mythology or something, all the time

Fi: and I’m the rude one

Mattie: you’ve seen how real I am underneath

Fi: yeah, your skin resembles porcelain, but thankfully is nowhere near as breakable

Mattie: yours was so warm, and soft, how it looks 

Fi: I haven’t been cold since I met you

Mattie: I’m dying to touch you again, with impunity

Fi: when will that be?

Mattie: When I can make myself look presentable, get off of this bed and think of a valid excuse to leave my parents in note form

Fi: leaving my door unlocked waiting and hoping means I could be murdered, an extremely valid excuse

Mattie: as long as you don’t ACTUALLY do that

Fi: it’s adorable when you worry about me as though I don’t have a literal 🏹 or 🤺

Mattie: I also don’t want you to leave for prison

Fi: I am too pretty, but I’m not getting convicted, be serious

Mattie: 😏

Fi: I don’t need you to look presentable, I know what that means

Mattie: you underestimate the mess I had got myself into, I think

Fi: I got you into it, let me fix it without it being a character flaw

Mattie: I was so mean

Fi: I’m not a boy, you can’t terrify me with how you actually look

Mattie: I don’t want to terrify you, I want you to look at me how you did before

Fi: you didn’t let me clean you up before either

Mattie: because I would have insisted you got me in another mess

Fi: did you find all the 💋?

Mattie: I feel like that’s an impossibility

Mattie: and you’re going to have to check

Fi: it’s a shame I’m not doing an art degree, I could hang you on the wall and be done with lectures and deadlines

Mattie: It’s an awful bore how life doesn’t stop when you touch me and only start again once you have to stop

Fi: it felt like my heart was gonna stop

Mattie: you mean I didn’t die and go to heaven?

Fi: when you finish what I started

Fi: [and then talk about your fave ner historical burial practices like do this for me so I know it’s real, cos again, I don’t know enough history]

Fi: oh and empty my bedside drawer, either for your own keepsake of what you missed out by killing me prematurely, or to spare my blushes

Mattie: 0 consideration for my own blushes, I see 😳

Fi: I tried to tell you, you don’t even know what’s waiting for you 

Mattie: I want to know

Fi: you’ll see

Mattie: when?

Fi: get out of your bed and into mine

Mattie: It won’t take me long, you’re close

Fi: I am, take that into consideration if I’m supposed to survive this

Mattie: Oh

Mattie: fuck

Fi: she doesn’t know how lucky she is to be alive, our mysterious stranger, leaving me to just exist in a state of frustration like that

Mattie: the cruellest punishment for doing the most incredible job, you poor thing

Fi: I’m sorry I snapped at you though

Mattie: don’t apologise

Fi: I thought it was the end, the worst ending ever

Mattie: me too, me too

Mattie: it can’t be, it’s unacceptable

Fi: you have more to lose, but I can’t lose you, Mattie

Mattie: No one is losing anything, it’s okay, we can do this

Fi: if I start crying again, I swear

Fi: ridiculous

Mattie: Only how I did, no more of the bad kind tonight

Fi: it’s the first time I’ve made someone cry that way

Mattie: I haven’t done that before either

Mattie: hopefully it’s not a new thing I’m going to do all the time

Fi: it’s okay if it is, however you react to me is

Mattie: you will tell me, if I’m doing it wrong

Fi: you’re not going to do it wrong, there basically isn’t a wrong unless you’re really confused geographically

Mattie: I may take Physics, but I have that much Biology under my belt, thank you

Fi: that’s happened before, now that poor girl was mortified to seriously be in the wrong place, if it makes you feel better about how embarrassed you felt earlier

Mattie: Oh no, she must have been too nervous, bless her heart

Fi: at least her nails weren’t too long, at school that was a constant problem, I’m sure I do have ptsd, a little

Mattie: Did you have many girlfriends during school?

Fi: no, I don’t think we can call them girlfriends

Fi: more experiments performed on me than ever in the school labs, would be closer to accurate

Mattie: I get you

Fi: I was happy to be a safe place for that, until I wasn’t

Mattie: you wanted something realer, if not a ‘girlfriend’ exactly?

Fi: it took its toll

Mattie: I can imagine, whether consensual, you were still being used

Fi: but I did the same to boys sometimes, before I get too woeful about the hand I was dealt

Mattie: I think it’s a fairly standard part of adolescence all round

Mattie: we all get hurt and hurt others

Fi: I had to know, not just make an educated guess

Mattie: of course

Mattie: you can’t limit yourself 

Fi: no boxes, I remember saying so

Mattie: you did, you’ve always seemed so sure of yourself to me

Fi: I try, despite all my parental figures efforts to the contrary, at different eras of my life

Mattie: it’s admirable as well as attractive

Fi: I don’t have lots of year 7 girls to set an example for anymore, but it still matters, I think

Mattie: I agree, it makes life easier, I imagine

Fi: aren’t you sure of yourself?

Mattie: no, I don’t think so

Fi: because of your shitty ex boyfriend?

Mattie: possibly but I don’t think we can blame him entirely

Fi: don’t worry, I’ll be certain to include the caveat it wasn’t entirely his fault before I murder him

Mattie: you’re so protective

Fi: you look after everyone so well, you deserve to be given the same treatment

Mattie: I hope you’ve taken your knickers off now too, I was a little disappointed you had some on, you never do in my dreams

Fi: I rarely do in life, but I was attempting to be vaguely well behaved, hilarious as it is to admit, in hindsight

Mattie: how did I know, how badly behaved you are

Fi: because you do know me, really

Mattie: yes

Mattie: and I like you so much

Fi: I’m afraid to try and type any L words

Mattie: like you were afraid to tell me

Fi: yes

Mattie: I’m afraid of who I am and the things I want to do to you

Fi: it’ll get easier

Mattie: you don’t know what I’ve fantasized about, it’s so bad but 

Fi: I will, and when I find out I won’t be afraid of you

Mattie: I wanna be bad too, sometimes

Fi: I’ve always let you

Mattie: you’re too nice to me, always have been

Fi: you can’t limit yourself either, if you can’t be yourself around me then when are you supposed to?

Mattie: this is me, and I have wanted to kiss you since the day I met you

Fi: I know, you’ve been flirting with me since that same day

Mattie: yeah, you’re too pretty

Fi: and what would that make you?

Fi: you have no idea how pretty you are

Mattie: I’m yours

Fi: I want you to be

Mattie: be my girl, Fi

Fi: okay, but it’ll be the last thing I do, because I’m also going to die

Mattie: you have to let me kill you first, it’s only fair

Mattie: you have me doubting if anyone else has ever made me orgasm

Fi: any doubt means no, they absolutely have not

Mattie: I’ve never

Fi: it should feel like that all the time, it will

Mattie: you swear

Fi: trust me, I’ll take care of you, properly

Mattie: okay, and I promise right back

Fi: I don’t know what to say because I don’t want to say too much

Mattie: precarious feels right

Fi: I’m so used to walking a line with you and not quite crossing it, especially when we talk

Mattie: yeah

Mattie: I sort of feel like I do that with everyone

Fi: but we can stop doing it with each other, can’t we?

Mattie: that’d be nice, wouldn’t it 

Mattie: we can try

Fi: I’ll try really hard 

Mattie: I’ll believe that when I see it, Caldwell 😉

Fi: I don’t believe for a second you think everything I do is effortless, you, for sure, know me better than that, miss

Mattie: I was more questioning how often I really saw you applying yourself outside of a sports pitch but sure

Fi: a more relevant question is how long you’ve spent observing me, playing sports or otherwise

Mattie: Hmm, but I set the questions so 🤫

Fi: but I have the correct answer, I know when to apply myself

Fi: I wanna be your girl

Mattie: You are

Fi: you’re not seriously sending me away to [see her own father, the audacity lol], are you?

Mattie: It’s Christmas 🥺

Mattie: surely he was and still is expecting you?

Fi: he’ll get over the fact I didn’t go quicker than I will you wanting me to spend what’s left of the hols anywhere else

Mattie: You remember the whole bit where we talked about not messing up your life, right?

Mattie: I don’t want to get in the way of any plans you already had, or obligations

Fi: I don’t want anything to get in the way of this

Fi: if he’s adamant about seeing me, I’ll spend the week you’re back in school and I don’t yet have to be

Mattie: If you’re sure

Mattie: I can’t send you anywhere if it is so against your will

Fi: I am

Fi: we’re going to have enough hurdles in the way of us spending time together without unnecessary trips being added

Mattie: Undeniably true

Fi: and nothing makes me sadder than how our reunion was ultimately bittersweet after not seeing each other for so long, which I can’t change now

Fi: I’m determined to do better with everything else

Mattie: Your focus had to be and was Uni, the balance is hard to work out but I am not opposed to trying to help you with that task

Fi: I thought I had to move on, but that couldn’t be more against my will

Mattie: there was no way for you to think differently, no room for the possibility to be acknowledged, never were we that alone, in private

Fi: and there was some fun while it lasted, the issue was always nothing could last when my heart wasn’t truly in it

Mattie: of course, I wasn’t suggesting nor hoping you were pining tragically or anything of the sort

Fi: I just need you to know how hard I tried to fight this, so when I say I can’t, you also know I sincerely mean it

Mattie: I believe you

Mattie: I’ve seen what a student with a crush but no common sense looks like, it isn’t you

Fi: it isn’t a crush, however many times I’ve told myself to dismiss it as such

Mattie: to call it that would only be an attempt to delegitimize it, at this point

Mattie: and it is not a thing I feel the need to engage with, not right now

Fi: you should definitely tell me about all the other students with crushes on you though

Fi: wait, no, I bet I can guess

Fi: [drop students names you think fancy her because of course you know, they’d have to be new for you not to]

Mattie: In defence of my not-actually-massive ego, I swear I was talking about all the teachers and all the potential crushes 

Mattie: but [one of the most blatant and thus tragic boys] is still persisting 😶

Fi: of course he is, you poor thing

Mattie: You think you’re safe if you stay away from the arts, alas

Mattie: poor boy

Fi: I’m a little offended, but not surprised, he didn’t get the message when I [something you did during the school year to get him to back off, which I won’t commit us to, for going back in time purposes] 

Mattie: Your threat doesn’t loom large enough now 

Fi: don’t say that, it’s like I never even existed 👻

Mattie: I have to be slightly cutting, lest you think I condone your actions

Fi: it’s 💎 clear which of my actions you wholeheartedly condone, rest assured

Mattie: Shh, don’t tease 

Fi: if you were here, I’d follow through

Fi: you’re the tease, for your frankly cruel, at this point, absence

Mattie: You know this town and its traffic

Mattie: besides, it isn’t your turn

Fi: luckily, I’m aware which of my reactions you’re into as well

Mattie: I won’t call you a know-it-all for it

Fi: call me what you like

Mattie: where do you even begin?

Fi: where would you have me wait, other than behind this unlocked door that hopefully won’t lead to attempted murder or manslaughter charges being brought while you’re stuck in traffic?

Mattie: You want me in your bed, don’t you

Fi: it isn’t my turn, what do you want?

Mattie: I want to meet you at your door, like you’ve been waiting for me

Fi: I am waiting for you, that’s the reality

Mattie: I want real

Fi: real like I’ve paced every square foot of this place because I can’t stay still?

Fi: if the adhd experts could see me now

Mattie: I’m looking at the pictures of you from tonight

Fi: I don’t look like that anymore

Fi: [as a shameless excuse to send her a pic of how you look now, which I imagine is adorable, because like me atm you’re just wearing a big t-shirt and nothing else]

Mattie: you look so sweet

Mattie: and I am not so woefully straight I need you to play the ‘man’ for me

Fi: I only acted in the one play, remember, I wouldn’t be able to pull it off

Mattie: I don’t know, you did well for Dolly until neither of us did

Fi: I almost didn’t take her up on the invitation

Mattie: why?

Fi: I told you, I was scared it would be an unpleasant surprise, for both of us, you because you didn’t want to see me again and I, because I’d convinced myself you’d invite someone too, and I couldn’t bear the thought

Mattie: there’s no plus one, no time to imagine who it could even potentially be

Fi: you know me, a fan of horrific torture

Mattie: bravery that isn’t going to go unrewarded

Fi: I don’t feel brave right now

Mattie: how do you feel?

Fi: weak, like a single touch from you is gonna have me on the floor

Mattie: I wouldn’t mind having you on the floor

Fi: covered in bruises feels apt, you’re bound to be marked with so much lipstick, still

Mattie: you saw to that

Mattie: I’m seeing to it you beg me to stay

Fi: I’d do that this second, and you’re not even here yet

Mattie: you might feel I’ve overstayed my welcome when you can’t get up from that floor after all I’ve done to you

Fi: I’ll leave it to you, you can try living alone there once I’m dead and buried because of what you’ve done to me

Mattie: abuse of power is starting to sound right

Mattie: I just want to see you come undone, the perfect head girl

Fi: I just need you to be the one to do it

Mattie: Who else can ruin you like I can

Fi: it’s never enough, whoever, whatever

Mattie: you want my tongue, my fingers, my eyes on you as you fall apart

Fi: yes

Mattie: it’s me you think about, my face and my body

Fi: you don’t leave my thoughts

Mattie: it’s you I imagine keeping my bed warm, you I want to come back to and make cum until you pass out, your beautiful lips I want to press myself against

Fi: stay until you can’t, I mean it

Mattie: give me reason to stay, gorgeous girl

Fi: give me every last second you have and I’ll give you everything you ask, things you haven’t begun to consider asking for yet

Mattie: my mind is perverse despite my lack of history

Mattie: I’ve considered asking you to do some very fucked up things for me

Fi: when you say them out loud, I’ll act on them without the slightest hesitation

Mattie: oh I know that

Mattie: you’re mine

Fi: you have history with me, I didn’t pause before, I won’t in the future

Mattie: you don’t care if you’re caught, not for you

Fi: my life is uncomplicated, complicate it for me

Mattie: I want you to miss me, to wish you’d spent every day of last year letting me fuck you all over that school

Fi: I have the blown out candles to prove I did, two birthdays worth of them now

Mattie: there’s an idea

Fi: and the ⭐️ as a permanent reminder of where I first let you touch me, not to mention how much I miss it

Mattie: I will draw another star with the wax, where you want me to touch you most of all

Fi: I’d let you make a candle out of me like they did in Paris during the French Revolution

Mattie: you’re the hottest nerd

Mattie: I would do unspeakable things to candle you

Fi: to allow you to stay this beautiful, I insist

Mattie: how badly you want it makes it all the better

Mattie: beg me to use you

Fi: I do hope you realise it’ll be the first time I’ve begged anyone for anything in my entire life

Mattie: that’s why you need it so much

Fi: you truly are going to unravel me completely, I’ll have no clue who I am after this

Mattie: if the burn doesn’t suffice as a reminder, I can tell you who you are in so many ways

Fi: tell me I’m yours again

Mattie: you’re mine, completely, no one else can have you

Fi: this is real

Mattie: the way I am going to possess you and all your thoughts couldn’t be realer

Fi: perhaps not, but you’ve said similar things in my dreams

Mattie: you aren’t going to be able to deny my fingers deep inside you

Fi: true, it’s already obvious I’m not going to be able to deny you anything ever

Mattie: you don’t want to, you want to please me

Mattie: and nothing will please me more than having you obsessed with me and when and where you’re next getting fucked

Fi: you’ve achieved getting me to the point of obsession with the way you speak

Mattie: I wish I had told that girl to go, what we were busy doing

Fi: it’s okay, you telling her off would have actually been too much for me, the state I was in

Mattie: It made us waste more time

Mattie: and fight

Fi: we’ll make the time up

Fi: and we don’t have anything else to fight about, so we aren’t likely to again in a hurry

Mattie: I can’t be fighting, I don’t care if its Christmas, there’s too much else to be doing and feeling

Fi: no fighting, sweet pea, I surrender completely

Mattie: 🥰

Mattie: what I like to hear

Fi: But oh no, it’s a terrible rhyme, I’ve written you awful accidental poetry! 😬

Fi: thank god that’s a secret 🤫🔒

Mattie: Prose and verse are not my forte on any given day but I can assure you my head is far too foggy to think your words are anything but beautiful

Fi: mine either, I can barely string a sentence together at the best, or worst, of times

Fi: my head and heart both race too far past being capable

Fi: your support makes me feel like not a total dunce regardless, it has to be said, it always did

Mattie: that makes you passionate and engaged, you have thoughts on thoughts, that’s the opposite of anything even the bitchiest teacher could call a ‘dunce’

Fi: said bitchiest teacher let me know passion and intelligence are poles apart, in no uncertain terms, should I be in any danger of getting that twisted

Fi: but I’m fine with only indulging my passions, I have the luxury

Mattie: I don’t know how she could claim to have experience with either, honestly

Fi: it’s purely a job requirement in theory

Mattie: there’s no room for that outdated approach

Fi: keep inspiring students to become teachers and you’ll soon leave no room for it, she’ll be pushed out with the rest of her sort 🦕

Mattie: I think that’s any decent person's goal, see things move forward after you, not clinging on for dear life

Fi: agreed, hard as it is for me not to cling onto the school for dear life sometimes

Mattie: Give yourself some grace, it hasn’t been long enough to call you tragic quite yet

Fi: My new home is great, which helps

Mattie: You’ll have to give me the grand tour

Fi: you’ll have to stay long enough to be able to get out of bed

Mattie: you’ll be asleep before long

Fi: you’re shining such a telling spotlight onto everybody else you’ve slept with, no wonder you had those orgasm doubts

Fi: because I promise you, I won’t be considering sleep at all until you’ve gone

Mattie: 😏 well I will be, I love sleep, thank you

Fi: 🐻🍯🐯

Mattie: wouldn’t hibernating be glorious!

Fi: perhaps I’ll be a convert once you’re sleeping next to me, I’ve never gotten over how you looked or I felt when [a scenario whereby Mattie fell asleep lowkey on Fi, I pictured school trip again like on a coach, but it could be any opportunity for this during the school year tbh including travelling back from an away school match, the point is, Mattie falls asleep and Fi doesn’t move a single muscle the entire time so she won’t accidentally wake her and tells everyone to shh so they won’t either, because gay to show she managed to keep still even though she isn’t that bitch and important to show she is a well liked bitch who everyone listened to when she made them be quiet, students and other teachers too and Mattie eventually wakes up like oh you did all that]

Fi: either way, I surrendered, so if it’s hibernation you want, my best attempt at turning my bedroom into your own cosy bear cave is what you shall have

Mattie: [turn up and we know the vibe]

[mrpenguinpants]

Razor:  Jealous HCs

Hey anon!! As much frustration I hold for crippling oblivious couples, I also love the trope so much. Plus I adore Razor. Even though I try to not call Razor a dog, I still google “jealous dog traits”. Also, I found out both Hanniejji and I secretly HCs Bennet is friends with Razor and Fischl. If genshin won’t give me character interactions then I’ll write it myself.

---

Semi Part 1: General HCs

Semi Part 2: Pre-Relationship HCs

Semi Part 3: Cuddle HCs

[Masterlist]

---

[taglist]  <- if you want to be added, please read this first.

 @mikeysbike @unionwitch @musekala @sunnshiii @stanzastic @akaasea @xoneaboveallx @adoring-ghost @asheseiler @childelover @dilucsz @dai-tsukki-desu @thicmitten @nonniechan @htnicayh @genshins1mpact @morthecreator @ aanne2601 @hanniejji​

Razor:  Jealous HCs

Bennet and Fischl are both foaming at the mouth at how deeply in love you BOTH are and yet you’re both equally blind. Fischl wants to grab you by the shoulders and yell at you that Razor returns your feelings and you need to stop doing whatever it is you’re doing. A sad Razor looks like a kicked puppy and even she can’t handle it. But Razor absolutely refuses for anyone to confess for him because he believes that you might just genuinely be uninterested in him. Plus, it wouldn’t feel right if he couldn’t confess himself. It’s his first love, this is important to him.

Bennet thinks it’s really sweet that his friend is in love. Even if he does get a bit pouty that whenever he get’s hurt, Razor will ask if he’s alright and leave it at that. But if you accidently trip Razor is already at your side and fussing over you. Bennet uses this as physical proof that yes, your feelings are returned and this man is in love with you, but you always brush it off as Razor’s nature to be caring. He’s smiling patiently on the outside but on the inside he has his hands in his hair and he’s screaming.

God forbid anything upsets you. Razor hasn’t been around other humans long enough to pick up on most social cues but he does have a good sense of smell. If you’re happy then the wind smells like sweet flowers. If you’re upset then it smells like mint. While Razor usually keeps himself in check and is somewhat indifferent, the second he catches any signs of distress from you he’s on high alert. Until you tell him what’s been bothering you - a group of hilichurls stole your bag of snapdragon flowers - he’s going to be on guard and stressed out. He’s already throwing his claymore over his shoulder to go and fight the monsters that tried to upset you. Wow, what a good friend you say to Fischl. Fischl is ready to punt you off a cliff.  

Razor tries his best to show that he likes you by bringing the things you need and looking like such a proud pup. He looks at you with such hopeful eyes that it takes you a second to register what he’s asking before you feel your own heart rate speed up and pound into your ears. You flush pink before you move to embrace him and ruffle his hair as praise as he nuzzles into your shoulder affectionally. You assume his affectious actions are apart of his wolf nature and how they act so you try not to read too deep into things. Even if Razor seems a bit too happy to be hugging you and receiving pets. Or the fact he doesn’t let anyone else pet him...

Bennet tries his best to help his friend out by giving Razor some advice but considering Bennet himself hasn’t been in a relationship yet, it’s all practical. Telling Razor that he’s seen couples bring each other flowers as a sign of affection, maybe Razor could find some plants to bring you? It ends horribly when he offers you a wolfhook and you just stare at him. He says that these are his feelings towards you but you’re just...so confused?? Wolfhooks have thorns so does that mean he thinks you’re clingy? Isn’t that a bad thing? Are you annoying to him?? But wolfhooks also symbolize wolves so is he saying you’re like family to him??? You’re internally screaming while debating if you just got family-zoned or if Razor is trying to subtly tell you that he doesn’t like you.

Just because Razor is, somehow, unsure if you actually like him or not. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t get incredibly jealous and possessive at any unknown presence. He’s still a bit wary of the City due to all the conflicting smells and noises but he can’t help but look so sad when you have to run errands and you can’t visit him. But when you mention that a really nice knight gifted you a flower does Razor see red. He gave you a flower?? Shouldn’t you be happy with his? Why do you need another one when you have his? Is his gift not good enough? Is this your way of saying you’re interested in someone else? This poor boy is on the verge of either running off to go sulk or find the man that gave you this flower, which up until his knowledge - courtesy of Bennet - is a sign of courting, and absolutely destroy him to prove he’s the better partner.

He tries to keep it under wraps since he's been told that while in the City, he needs to exercise restrain and understand that if he enters. He's expected to at least respect the laws and people. But this poor wolf is so feral over this new development and this new smell that's been clinging onto you that whatever worries and isolation issues Razor felt about the city flies out the window as his protective instincts kick into overdrive. He sees other people and even pets as a rival for your attention and love. He just wants to scoop you up and growl at everything as a message to say “this is mine, go get your own”.

Even when the both of you are far away from the city, Razor’s continued mood seems to hang heavy over both your heads. You’re not sure what exactly caused Razor to be on high alert. He’s snapping and growling at everything little thing that comes close, even a butterfly!

You abruptly stop walking to Razor’s surprise as you whip around and frown at him. He can feel a chill run up his spine as he stands perfectly straight as you study him before you hold your palm out and looked at him expectantly. He looks at your hand with a small spark of perked attention before his nose twitches and he goes back to sulking. You’re still waiting for him as he shuffles a bit, his hair that resembled a wolf ear is twitching, before he whines and trots over and places his chin on your palm. He’s looking up at you with the most kicked puppy expression and you don’t even know what you did but you feel like the worse person in all of Teyvat.

“Razor...what’s gotten into you?” you ask gently as you rub circles into his cheek as he nuzzles into your palm. He seems really conflicted as his eyes dart away from your face and he almost looks guilty. He just whines and turns and buries his face into your warm palm. You’ve never really seen him like that before as you awkwardly try and comfort him. Until the same flower slips out of your pocket and you hear something primal growl out of Razor. His teeth are pulled back and he snarls at the flower as his pupils dilate. You quickly get between him and the poor flower before Razor tries to do anything.

“Seriously Razor, what’s gotten into you?” you asked concerned. He quickly shifts his attention to you as he pounces and knocks you over. You left off a soft noise as the wind get’s knocked out of you but you peep when his hands cage you from above. Razor’s red eyes bore into yours and you’re suddenly thinking the air is getting too hot. 

“Do you like Razor?” he asks, tilting his head in a cute pout. It makes you internally coo before you quickly snap out of it. Stay focused! 

“Of course I do! Remember we talked about this?” you say as you remember back to your previous interactions but this only seems to frustrate Razor more.

“No. Not that like. More...” Razor struggles with his words as he tries to piece together the right string of sounds to try and convey what he’s feeling. He seems so conflicted that it breaks your heart a bit. So you reach up and gently rub behind his ear as he closes his eyes and relaxes. He breathes in deeply as his eyes open and his pupils return to normal, but vastly determined.

“Together. Always. Just...us,” Razor says softly as he looks at you hopefully. There’s a small pink dust to his cheeks as his fang digs into his lip in nervousness. You’re not sure why but your heart absolutely sky rockets at it and you can feel your face flush pink.

“Um, yes?” you nod along, you think you’re understanding what he’s trying to say. Maybe he was just upset you were spending so much time in the City and away from him that he felt your friendship was neglected? That would make you really upset. But the way he phrases his words makes you believe that perhaps...

Before you can think more on it. Razor’s face breaks into a grin that nearly blinds you from the pure affection that sprouts from it. He’s already hugging you harder as he starts rubbing his nose and cheek against your neck. Making soft and happy sounds as he nuzzles you. He’s never done that before but you assume he’s just so happy. You breath a sigh of relief that it appears that your message to him was clear enough.

Yeah of course, friends always, you think

Lupical. Partner. Mate, Razor thinks.

---

whistling as I pretend I don’t see your stares. Yeah ik but it’s ok. This is a sorta semi series. We’ll build upon it. But Xiao content is next lol. I’m taking inspiration from this. I mean, when I don’t feel like shit 😷

I’ve been listening to [  Softy - Dear Moon ]. This isn’t the usual kind of music I listen to but it came on shuffle and this is now my mental breakdown song.

Quick edit: Turns out this is an ost from “My Mister”. I’ve never been into kdramas (I think I’ve only seen goblin, she was pretty, and Hwarang) but the cover picture looks so upsetting? My friend is really into tgcf and I believe that had a live action as well. 

[kittydemon9000]

The Beginning of Heatstroke, aka Red's Villain Origin

* crashes down from the ceiling * I HAVE FINALLY FINISHED ONE OF MY 5+ CURRENT WRITING PROJECTS! BEHOLD, A WRITTEN VERSION OF THE 'Red's Villain Origin AU', also known as RVO / Heatstroke AU

To summarize the AU for SPBNR for those that don't now it: 

“Who'd be the biggest conspiracy theorist out of the M!Ninja? The one who drinks 5 hour energy at 3am and spits off the craziest theories and then actually gets it right but nobody gives the theory any merit because the rest of the theories are too crazy?”

The answer: Red / M!Kai

Red: Okay hear me out: Smith is actually an alternative version of one of us sent here from another dimension.

The other M!Ninja: You’re just saying that because Smith’s cool and you want him to be your counterpart

Based on the M!ninja making red cork boards trying to figure out ‘What Is Up With Smith’: Red gets increasingly accurate and nobody will believe him (all pre shogun reveal) and he eventually snaps and takes up a secret villain persona to fight Shogun like 'if they won't believe me I'll do it myself' and it gets awkward when he accidentally does too much damage and catches not only Shogun's attention like planned, but also the rest of the Ninjaforce, and now he has to keep his own identity a secret

So, without further ado, I present... Heatstroke

------------

Red blamed the 5-hour energy coffee blend at 3:00am for this.

It was no surprise that between ‘Operation: What’s Going on with Smith’ & the sudden appearance of Shogun that the resident Bounty red-stringed ‘joke’ cork-board doubled in size and seriousness. It also was no surprise that Red had a corner all to himself and that his theories were… in the words of the others, ‘wildly inaccurate and implausible’.

But this time, he was sure he’d gotten it right.

Smith is Shogun sent here from another continent/planet/dimension with the goal of protecting Ninjago City.

The latest string of laughs and scoffs at his theory was the last straw. He’d show them. He’d prove it!

Which was why he was currently standing on the roof of a noodle house, awkwardly adjusting the spare motorcycle helmet he’d ‘borrowed’ from Nya and painted black and orangey-yellow (red had seemed too obvious). He’d exchanged his Ninjaforce outfit for a soot-burned cross between a bomber jacket and a leather jacket. Down his back jutted a row of flames like the spines of a monster, courtesy of one of Nya & Jay’s unfinished inventions Red had modified- surely nothing bad would come of that!

For tonight, the Red Ninja was off-duty. For tonight, it was Heatstroke’s turn.

He fiddled with one of the weapons he’d ‘lent out’ from Master Wu. It resembled a small arm canon, like a smaller version of the Ultimate Weapon. The plaque under its post had read ‘Elemental Focuser’, which, in cryptic Wu speak, probably translated to ‘you can use an elemental power like something out of Avatar: The Last Airbender’. So far he’d only figured out how to activate a focused jet of fire. Well, at least it was on brand. He hoped it would help him catch Shogun’s attention so he could unmask him.

He’d tried confronting Smith at school, of course. But there were only so many ways of saying ‘are you the new vigilante helping the ninjas’, and Smith has a genuine talent for dancing around the topic. Red could confront him with the name Shogun to get a proper reaction, but that would mean explaining how he knew the name and outing himself as the Red Ninja.

So fake villainy really was the only way.

His plan was to use the Elemental Focuser to cause some minor petty damage, just enough to attract the new vigilante. Perhaps set a trash can on fire, block an alleyway with rocks (if he figured out how to change the setting from fire to earth), small things that could easily be repaired.

Of course, plans were never actually stuck to. One way or another, something was always improvised.

Red’s improvisation just happened to involve him accidentally setting the entire alleyway on fire.

He’d only been aiming for one dumpster, honest! And maybe he’d spotted a couple fliers for a SoG meeting on the ground and happened to burn those too. And a newspaper article blaming Lloyd for the recent Garmadon attack, again. And an article about those ‘Damn Ninja Menaces’ by a S. Sonah Sameson. And-

Okay, so maybe Red had aimed the fire at a few small targets. But just a few! And with good reason and good care, but…

Well, fire liked to burn. Give it enough kindle and it’ll continue to grow, stretching like reaching branches towards each other to join in a massive bonfire. 

So now the entire alleyway was on fire, and Red was panicking. 

He’d luckily chosen an abandoned part of town near the beaches where Shogun sightings seemed most frequent, but with the stupid Elemental Focuser not switching from fire mode to water mode or ice mode or something that didn’t have the potential to burn Ninjago City to the ground, Red had no way of stopping the flames.

And more flames meant more destruction which meant a bigger audience.

Which was why his previously muted comm suddenly flared to life, the only warning Red had before Nya’s water strider mech slid around the corner.

Red scrambled onto a roof as the mech drove past, spraying water at the bonfire to dose it. His sigh of relief was just as quickly dosed as Lloyd’s voice came over the comms; “Status, Grey?”

“Flames are out,” Nya replied. “Pursing the joker that set it ablaze.”

Uh oh. Red took off across the roof, leaping from building to building. Tiles creaked, pebbled and dust scattering underfoot. The sounds of the mech’s engine roaring behind him echoed through alleyways below to create the illusion the mech was everywhere at once. 

As the chase grew on, more mechs started to join in. Red ducked into a narrow avenue to avoid Zane’s tank, then under a cafe overhang to throw off Jay and Lloyd. His heart hammered in his chest and he groaned, filling the inside of the motorcycle helmet with steam. Saying this was going ‘bad’ would be the understatement of the century. 

What had he been thinking? Oh wait: he hadn’t. Seriously? ‘Oh I’ll just pretend to be a villain real quick, that should get Shogun’s attention and not the attention of literally my entire team of fellow ninjas!’ Stupid, impulsive, this was why everyone was always calling the red ninja the ‘hothead’ when he really tried not to be- Lloyd’s voice over the comms snapped him from his thoughts. “I can’t catch them! It’s like they know our every move!”

Red winced as he climbed up a banister and leapt from balcony to balcony. Sorry, Lloyd. 

He didn’t miss how the others asked Nya where Red was. And how she made up excuses the others bought so easily- granted, he’d told those excuses to his sister before setting his plan into motion, but still, ouch. They acted like he was simply being at best too busy and at worst lazy and selfish.

He just wanted them to know the truth! Why couldn’t they at least try to believe him when-

Of course, that was when Shogun dropped out of the sky and tackled him.

Red shouted with surprise as he tumbled down from the second floor, slamming into a few softer bags of garbage to break his fall before rolling and slamming into the unforgiving concrete. A crack formed in his vision as the visor of his motorbike helmet smacked into the concrete ground. One of the fire jets on his back sputtered and sparked, sending a thin wisp of smoke into the air.

Shogun pinned his wrists to the ground and growled. “Who are you?”

Red tried to break free, agony turning his muscles and bones to fire with the movement after his fall, but the vigilante was too strong. Damn, how often did this guy train?

“Who am I?” Red said, a nervous tinge to his voice. He quickly smoothed it over with faked confidence. “Who are you? Who are all of us, really?”

Shogun narrowed his eyes behind his hood. “Did Garmadon send you? Or someone else?”

Red sputtered. Really, the nerve! Garmadon? The thought turned his insides to disgusting mud. “Nobody sent me!”

“Then why are you here?” Shogun spat.

“Why am I here?” Why was he here again? Oh right, the bright idea on how to reveal that Shogun was Smith. “It’s, uh… a valid reason! That I don’t have to tell you!” He tried for a villainous laugh. Stay in character, don’t blow your cover, you got this!

Shogun was unimpressed. “Nearly burning down my home was a valid reason?”

“Well, I wasn’t trying to set everything on- wait, WHAT?” Uh oh. “You LIVE here?”

Now it was Shogun’s turn to look uncomfortable, though the expression was quickly wiped from his face. “Nothing wrong with this district.” 

Red nodded. “‘Course not. Uh, sorry about that… wasn’t my intention, I swear.”

Shoot, he could hear Jay’s jet getting closer. He had to get out of here, but Shogun, annoyingly, didn’t seem to be in the mood to simply let him go. “Then what is your intention?”

“Well, for starters, it’s getting out of here. This really isn’t going to plan and I’d rather just be home right now, or even inventing a time machine like in that book ‘Hands of Time’ to slap my past self in the face for even thinking about this stupid idea in the first place-“

Jay wasn’t the only one that could ramble under pressure, it seemed.

Shogun leaned closer. “What idea?”

Red shrugged as best he could with how he was pinned to the ground. “Well, for starters, I just wanted to prove to my friends that you’re Smith, and things just kinda escalated from-”

The words were out of his mouth before he realized what he said. 

Shogun lurched back, letting go of him. His eyes betrayed a kaleidoscope of emotions; surprise, worry, suspicious, hurt, fear, realization. 

“…Kai?”

Well, f!ck.

“I-“

Red was about to badly attempt to bullsh!t his way out of his identity reveal before it suddenly dawned on him that Shogun had not denied his theory. 

Which meant Shogun was Smith.

And it also meant Smith instantly recognized him as Kai, which, considering his disguise, was aptly concerning. Sure, he was the first one in his group of friends people would think to do something this extreme but give him some credit! Zane was a regular detective, he’d do the same if it meant answers! Or, well, at least something similar. And Nya could be an adrenaline seeker. And Lloyd- well, maybe not Lloyd. Or Jay, either. Cole had his head just enough on his shoulders that he probably wouldn’t do this either.

But come on, instantly guessing it?

Well, at least Smith/Shogun didn’t know Kai was the Red Ninja. That would be a catastrophe.

Right. Back to the current catastrophe at hand.

Shogun- Smith- still had a look as if he’d been slapped, and Red hated it. He hadn’t meant to hurt his friend. Shogun… Shogun hadn’t wanted them to find out his identity. And then Red had gone and done it, just to prove that he could be the smart one, or a leader, or the protector so they didn’t get hurt, or literally anything but just the ‘hotheaded one’. 

…And he’d done it in the most hotheaded, impulsive way possible.

He really was an idiot.

The cracked helmet hid the look on his face, a twisted mess of distraught and shame. But it didn’t help hide how he took stumbled to his feet and away from Smith, nervous that any second he’d spill another mistake and mess up again, like how he always freaking messed up on everything. Don’t pick this fight, interject there instead, no, not there, idiot, there, FMS why are you so useless-

Focus, focus.

Lloyd’s voice, sharp in the intercom and full of static from his tumble, snapped him from his thoughts. “Anyone got eyes on the arsonist?”

Red caught Smith’s eye as he raised his hand to his own communicator. He was so screwed, so busted, so doomed… Smith would report it, and the others would know, and they’d think he was just messing around in an alleyway with some stolen devices and weapons out of curiosity or rage, - and-

“None yet, still looking.”

…What?

Smith stared at him, gaze searching. He looked shaken, more so than Red- who’d just taken a fall from a second story, mind you, it was a miracle he wasn’t more injured than a couple small scrapes and some future bruises-, yet everything from the set of his jaw to the softening of his furrowed brows suggested a change in emotions. Well, not quite change; more like repress and replace.

“You wanted to prove yourself, didn’t you.”

Red flushed, hand instinctually clamping into a tight fist at his side. The still-working fire jets on his back ignited without him pressing any buttons; faulty activation from the fall or something. 

Palms up and hands raised, Smith silently asked to defuse the situation. “Didn’t mean it as an insult. This wasn’t about venting some anger, was it.”

Red’s lack of response only confirmed it. Smith continued. “I won’t say anything about this if you don’t tell anyone my identity. Deal? I know finding it out was important to you, but-“

“Deal,” Red interrupted. Guilt ate away at his core, like a wave of water dousing a candle. “Smith, I-“ He swallowed hard and stared at the alley floor. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to… to…”

Smith’s hand was suddenly on his shoulder and he flinched before relaxing as Smith didn’t move further, nor did the grip tighten. “I’m a little hurt, you’re right. But I’m not mad. And I won’t tell the others, so you can relax. But you better get out of here and get yourself an alibi. We can talk at school or something.”

Wow, he was handling this rather calmly. Red was struck by the sudden memory of- what did Jay call the word? Right. Compartmentalizing. That… wasn’t healthy. But at the roar of Lloyd’s mech somewhere nearby, he didn’t comment further. Instead, he shot Smith a grateful nod and ran down the alley, sticking to the shadows and blind spots of the flying mechs and the tight alleyways where the land mechs couldn’t reach him. 

When he got home, miraculously without further incident (though Shogun leading the others on a wild goose chase over the comms certainly helped there), he ditched the outfit in a bag hidden beneath a loose floorboard in the shed. He’d return the weapon to Master Wu’s ship later, and… well, hope Nya never searched for the missing supplies. There wasn’t a way of fixing it without involving her or Jay, and neither was an option.

Heatstroke was back off duty, and so was the Red Ninja.

For now, he could just be Kai Smith. And there wasn’t any issue with that.

…

Right?

—————

yooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

THIS IS AMAZING REHJJGFHDESFXJVZ

and ah yes, good ol trauma and compartmentalizing, we love to see it

[impalementation]

Hey, firstly I really want to thank you for the buffy analysis you're providing. I'm just now emerging into the world of writing and am utterly humbled by your comprehensive media analysis skills. I'm really curious how you got there. My question is related to s5 and its dichotomy of self. If Dawn is supposed to represent Buffy's inner child or human aspect of her personality, then is it fair to say that Glory represents Buffy's slayer identity and consequently her shadow in particular? I recognise that they, for the most part, have a foiling relationship in the narrative, but Glory's interactions with Buffy have always seemed a little "shadowy", obviously not in the same way as Faith and Spike, both of whom actively tried to bring out parts of Buffy she tried to conceal, but more in alluding to Dawn(human side) as Buffy's vulnerability I.e. the thing that stops her from being as strong as Glory way, if that makes any sense. The visual resemblance between the two really drove it home for me as intended mirroring. I could totally be misunderstanding the concept of the shadow, so forgive me if this is a stupid question.

Thank you!! Honestly, and not to be glib, I just got here with the usual combination of time, practice, and passion for the subject. I started reading and writing media analysis at a young age and never stopped. I also don't want to overstate my authority or anything. I'm often wrong or uninformed. I miss things all the time. I appreciate that people respect my arguments and opinions but I also hope that they're taken as interpretations to either be persuaded by or not, rather than as a definitive statement of ultimate truth or anything. While I take my writing seriously, it’s still something that I’m mostly doing for fun (or more like, because I can’t help myself). It’s riffing I’m doing to try to figure out this thing I like so much, and it makes me nervous when stuff I wasn’t making an effort to properly argue for is taken too authoritatively. 

Anyway, not to barf my anxieties all over your ask. Hell yeah the season five dichotomy of self. I actually agree completely that Glory is associated with the shadow side of Buffy, but I also want to be careful about what I mean by that. People often seem to mis-use the concept of the shadow (no doubt I’ve misused it myself, since it’s only in the last year that I’ve actually begun the work to understand Jung properly), when what I think they’re actually looking for is the concept of a foil. You already seem to understand what a foil is, but for anyone else: A foil is a character that has things in common with another character, but then diverges in a way that illuminates the other character's traits. So Kendra in season two is a foil for Buffy, because both of them are Slayers--they have that point of commonality--but they react to being the Slayer in different ways. Which highlights Buffy's traits like rebelliousness and independence. In general, the villains of each season always tend to be foils for Buffy. The Trio in season six are foils for Buffy and the Scoobies for example, because like them, they are young people new to adulthood and struggling to grow up. But while Buffy and the Scoobies ultimately choose to do the hard work of growing up even though it’s painful and relentless, the Trio cheats with things like crime and violence.

So, Glory in season five is a foil for Buffy because she is a superpowered being who feels that her human half, Ben, is a weakness. Ben is similarly a foil for Buffy because he is a human being who feels that his superpowered half controls and has destroyed his life. Together, they represent Buffy’s dichotomy of self that you’ve already pointed out. Throughout season five, Buffy feels weak in the face of human problems like a boyfriend who leaves her or a mom who gets sick. Moreover--as you’ve said--Dawn, who is her human, child, self is Buffy’s point of vulnerability all season. She is seemingly what makes Buffy weak, because Dawn can’t protect herself. On the flipside however, her superpowered half is also what makes Buffy afraid that she is cold and disconnected from her humanity. The two halves are seemingly incompatible, and seemingly destroying the other half.

So one of the reasons I say that Glory is associated with the shadow side of Buffy is that Buffy’s shadow side is frequently associated with the supernatural, especially in season five. In my videos I’ve discussed how the Hellmouth can be seen as metaphor for the unconscious in general. It is this gaping wound beneath the town, that everyone ignores, and which specifically attracts supernatural beings. I also discuss in more depth in episode two how vampires are presented as “other” early on, representing the way that Buffy sees the shadow side of herself as “other” at that point in the show. In other words, vampires and the supernatural are associated with the shadow firstly because they’re associated with the unconscious, and secondly because they are an element of the unconscious that Buffy rejects. Vampires are scary, soulless monsters. How could you be a vampire?

Over the course of the show, Buffy’s primary shadow self becomes steadily more monstrous--first Cordelia, then Faith, then Spike--as she delves deeper and deeper into her unconscious. One of the reasons I think season five is so marked by the dichotomy of self is because it is the season in which Buffy begins to truly address the shadow part of herself, which means that the shadow becomes markedly opposed to her humanity. The fact that it seems villainous and incompatible with her Self becomes explicit, a problem that is now on the surface. I see Glory as linked to Dracula in the first episode, who taunts Buffy with her dark side and tricks her mother and Xander (both associated with Buffy’s humanity), or Harmony in the second episode, who is also blonde and “bitchy” and kidnaps Dawn just as Glory will kidnap her. I think it’s purposeful that Buffy describes Glory as “kinda like Cordelia, actually” and Glory has a bath scene that parallels Faith’s in “Who Are You?” There’s also the fact that Buffy is shown irritated by Glory being a “super-strong little women who [isn’t] me” (the line is in reference to April but clearly includes Glory), and by the suggestion that Glory could be “prettier” than her, which is similar to Buffy’s feelings of rivalry with Faith.

Of course, the point is ultimately that Buffy’s shadow is not incompatible with her humanity, and this is why I see Spike as Buffy’s true shadow-self--instead of merely associated with Buffy’s shadow side, as Glory is. Unlike Glory, who threatens Buffy’s humanity, aka Dawn, Spike actively safeguards it. Like Buffy and Glory/Ben, Spike has a dichotomy between monstrousness and humanity. But unlike Glory/Ben he is eventually able to achieve that same thing that Buffy does: a mix. Like Harmony and Dracula he is a vampire, and therefore aligned with the scary supernatural “other” shadow. But unlike them, and like Buffy, he comes to protect Dawn out of love. In other words, while Glory might represent Buffy’s fear or perception of her shadow, Spike is the character that actually represents Buffy herself. He is her actual, personal shadow, which is why Buffy needs to integrate with him and not with Glory. This won’t happen completely until the end of season seven, but does happen in a partial form in “The Gift” by her choosing to let him into her house. Ie, into her Self, given how Buffy’s house (as I bang on constantly in my videos) is the the recurring symbol of Buffy’s Self.

In general, I’d say that although Buffy’s main antagonists each season may be foils for her, they do also seem to be associated with Buffy’s shadow side too, the way that Glory is. Even if Glory, as you mention, is particularly “shadowy” because of her similarity to Buffy’s previous shadow-selves, and because season five is particularly concerned with Buffy’s inner dichotomy. Buffy’s villains all represent some negative way of solving a problem that Buffy is struggling with. People often use the term “shadow” in a narrative sense rather than Jungian sense to refer to a negative foil this way. But in the Jungian sense, you could also say that they represent a path that Buffy is tempted by, and is afraid she could go down (a side she might go down if she doesn’t confront it, ie if it remains unconscious). Therefore it’s a side that Buffy thinks she has to repress or reject when she encounters it in herself--hence her antagonistic relationship with her more personal shadow self figures.

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

hi I’m here to review the Clementine comic. it’s not good.

Does this even need an introduction? You know why I’ve gathered you all here today. You know the comic exists, and you probably know that it’s not great and we’re all upset about it. 

Myself included. I am not okay. At all. 

Skybound could’ve literally spit in my face and I’d come out feeling better than I did reading this comic, because this comic is an insult to the original Telltale games and Clementine as a character. 

This comic is a fancy fanfic. Glorified fanfiction. It’s not canon, and Skybound and Tillie can pretend that it is, but it’s not. Bold of them to assume we’d just accept this from people who didn’t work on the original games and never wrote for Clementine before, and based on this comic alone, any chance of us taking it seriously is gone. 

I’m gonna go through every single page, every panel, of this comic and give you my review. So I guess if you’re worried about spoilers [though at this point why would you?] then be warned, spoilers for the entire comic ahead. 

I also wanna add that I have nothing against Tillie Walden. I know a lot of dingdongs are harassing her on insta over this comic and that’s not okay. You telling her how much you hate her isn’t going to change anything. If anything, you keep being assholes to her and she’s just gonna block everything out, even things simply critiquing her work in hopes that it helps her improve. 

You’re allowed to be upset about the comic and share your feelings about it, but don’t take it out on the actual human being like that. Besides, like I’ve said before, if Tillie wasn’t gonna make the comic, Skybound would’ve found someone else to do. This was coming no matter what because Skybound wants that coin. 

That being said, I’m not going to hold back my opinions on this comic. Skybound and Tillie made this comic, they put it out there and asked for money for it, therefore I’m allowed to explain why it’s garbage as well as ponder over the questionable intent and whether or not Tillie actually has played these games. Y’know, it’s like how I have nothing against Kent, but sometimes he says things I disagree with and well, y’know how it goes. 

Alright, this is gonna be long, so let’s go--

The first few shots we get are of the school, two people sleeping, and Clementine’s empty bed. Nothing super note-worthy, we have no idea who is sleeping in the beds, it’s just there to establish that it’s early and everyone’s still asleep. 

The drawing of the school looks fine? Not super accurate, but I can give it a pass since it’s a few years later, I assume. What I can’t give a pass is how you managed to already mess up on the first page of your comic. 

Because..... why are you implying that Clementine’s room is upstairs? First of all, seems kinda dumb to put Clem, who has only one leg and has to walk with crutches, upstairs. Also, if you’ve played TFS and paid any attention to where her room is actually located [the dorms] then you’d know there isn’t any stairs leading to their floor. It’s the side building next to the admin building, you walk through the door, go down the hall, take a left and their dorm is right there sooo..... 

Oh right, it’s probably done this way so that we can have such a suspenseful moment where Clementine is sneaking out while the others are asleep and her foot makes a creeeeeeakk that could wake everyone up, thwarting her plans of abandoning everyone quietly so she doesn’t have to deal with any consequences. 

Because yeah, Clementine is sneaking out with all of her supplies because apparently, she’s been planning an escape from this place for a while. 

And just look at how gosh darn happy she is about it. You can’t see or hear me, but know that I’m laughing. Don’t worry, I will talk about her abandoning everyone later.

But first, I have a gripe with Clementine's design in this comic. It doesn’t look like her. This art of her right here is the most accurate we get throughout all 12 pages, and it’s the best looking, too. 

Moving on, she slams the door shut while this walker changes faces and hair between panels, so that’s cool. I will say, I like the idea of the Ericson crew putting spikes on the door. That’s fun. 

Though Clementine slamming the door shut while trying to sneak out seems counter productive but it fits with the theme this comic has of inconsistency, so it works. 

Next we have Clementine going to what I believe is the fishing shack by the river, and she’s going through some things that she’s stashed away, telling us that she’s been planning this escape for a while. 

Oh good, she has a map. Well at least now she won’t get lost out there in the woods while she makes her escape... also that last panel with her profile.... why does it look so funny? Like this page of the comic doesn’t look too bad, but there is something off putting about her eye there and how she has zero expression. 

And it turns out that rustle was a walker, and Clementine is super inconvenienced by this and gives us our first piece of witty dialogue.

Yeah you dumb walker, can’t you see Clementine is busy running away from home and abandoning all of her loved ones without a single goodbye so she doesn’t have to witness the consequences of her selfish actions?? Gosh, so rude.

Just a heads up, the dialogue in this comic is stilted, emotionless, and bland. The words have no flow, no charm, and never feel like they should be coming out of Clementine’s mouth. Then again, the upcoming graphic novels this is tied to are for young adult/middle graders so I guess we have to dumb everything down so their baby brains can process it. 

.....Why does her face look like that? Also, interesting that she decided to move her ponytail to the other side of her head.... which is a thing that happens throughout this comic, her hair will randomly change sides. 

I believe it’s a metaphor for her changing and inconsistent personality. 

So yeah, Clementine is just making off with the supplies she gathered [I’m sure Ericson doesn’t need ‘em anyway] and she’s just so gosh darn annoyed at all these small inconveniences bothering her.... because it’s just too early for this. 

.....Again, why does her face look like that?

I’m sorry, like I get it, Tillie’s style is supposed to be purposely messy yet minimal but it doesn’t work. When you do a comic in a more messy style, usually it has charm and heart put into it. Effort goes into the messy look, and when things are minimal, that usually means more clean, yeah? So you put them together and just..... that is nothing resembling Clementine’s face. 

Can we just--

Look at canon Clementine’s face. Look at the way her eyebrows are shapes, how wide her eyes are with her eye lashes. The dirt on her skin, the lines-- there is so much personality in her features. It doesn’t matter if she’s wearing a neutral expression or she’s expressing anger or joy or sorrow or whatever. 

Now, is it fair to compare a model of Clem from the games to the Clem in this comic? Well, I assume that if Tillie is doing this comic, she would use references from the game to ensure that Clementine is recognizable, especially now that she’s no longer wearing her signature hat. 

So why does she look like this? Why do I look at these drawings of her face and see nothing but a pair of eyes, a nose, and a mouth? You might as well draw me a simple smiley face. And I get that it’s a comic, and it’s a lot of work to draw the same character over and over again and you gotta cut corners somewhere, but maybe put some effort into the close up shots of her face so that we can actually see it’s her? 

Other fan artists have made comics in their styles that shine bright with Clementine’s personality, so what happened here? 

Anyway, surprise..... it’s not a walker annoying Clementine. 

........Why does AJ look like that??? I’m sorry, I hate to do the same thing I just did but--

Just because you put Clementine’s hat on AJ that doesn’t automatically make it him. I just.... wow. This feels like there wasn’t a single reference involved, like if someone gave Tillie a basic description of AJ and she just did this. 

But appearances aside, what is AJ saying? He says that he knew it, that Clementine’s leaving and I cannot stand this dialogue. It’s unnatural. Again, I know you wanna dumb it down for all of us because I guess we dumb.... but this conversation does not feel natural. 

“I knew it. You’re leaving.” “AJ....” “I’m coming.”

Even if you changed it to, “I’m coming with you.” it would sound more natural. Hell, he doesn’t even question WHY she’s leaving, he just stands there like “I’m coming” like??? I’m sorry, have you ever heard a single word this murder baby has said? I assume you have because I assume you actually played TFS, right? Soooo.... what happened here?

.....whY DO THEIR FACES LOOK LIEK THAT KSAJDLKJAS:LKDJLKASJD:L--

So now we’re getting into it.... into the bullshit. 

Clementine tells AJ to go back to the school, and AJ says that she wasn’t even going to say goodbye..... and then more bad dialogue that sound unnatural when you try to fucking read it. 

First off.... AJ’s reaction to Clementine attempting to leave is barely anything. Again, I hate to keep questioning if you actually played TFS, but AJ would throw a fucking fit if he caught Clementine out here ALONE like this, attempting to leave. 

And then he says “Like last time? You were going to come back?” this sentence makes my brain hurt. I just.... “Like last time, right? You’re coming back?” UGH

Wow, I feel nothing. 

I’m sitting here watching these two imposters with fucked up faces who are supposed to be Clementine and AJ and I feel nothing. 

I’m not even going to comment on the faces anymore. You can see it. You know. 

So yeah... AJ tells her the #1 rule, and reminds her that she promised.

Y’know.... she promised that she would never leave him again? Remember? At the McCarroll ranch? That flashback that was in TFS? The one you would watch if you played the game? 

Why is she looking straight at me when she should be looking at AJ as she says this? Is this Clementine’s way of telling me she’s sorry for what a shitty direction this is taking? I wouldn’t know because her face isn’t doing anything. Just because you draw a couple of tears that doesn’t mean I’m feeling the emotional heartbreak you’re attempting to convey. 

I don’t have enough middle fingers for this.

Well, my hat’s off to you. Ya did it. Ya fucked up everything single part of Clementine’s character in the span of two pages, I’m almost impressed. 

First off, the baby thing is weird. Why is she calling him that? She’s never called him that, which you should know.

Second, she’s not happy and that’s why she’s leaving. Clementine isn’t happy, and AJ can’t make her happy. Ericson can’t make her happy. So she’s going to go out on the road to.... what, be unhappy by herself? 

I’m sorry, but apparently we need a few reminders here of who Clementine is, because this isn’t her. 

This is Clementine. 

Clementine fought for years to find a home, something she hasn’t had since she was an eight-year-old girl before the apocalypse. The motor-inn wasn’t a home, the cabin wasn’t home, the ski-lodge, Howe’s, Wellington, Richmond, Prescott, none of them were home. 

She struggled for years, dealing with trauma after trauma while out on the road. She went from group to group, watching people she cared about die and she was powerless to do anything about it. Whenever she let her guard down and become comfortable, it bit in her in the ass and left her heartbroken.

She was there when AJ was born. She grew close to Rebecca while she was pregnant, she let herself do that even after everything she went through with Christa. Clementine had a bond with AJ even before he was born, and after Rebecca died, she did what she could to keep him safe, despite play choice. 

She cried when she thought AJ died and when she found him in that car again. She swore to protect him, to raise him right and love him. All they had was each other. 

And when she joined the new frontier and AJ got sick, she risked everything to save him and she was devastated when they took him away from her. When she found out he was alive, she is willing to go as far as helping Lingard overdose [INJECTING HIM HERSELF IF SHE HAS TO] to figure out his location. She did shitty things to find him, she killed people at McCarroll Ranch to find him again. 

Clementine raised him and he is her family, do you understand that? She went to hell and back for him, she taught him how to protect himself, and even though she made mistakes she sacrificed everything for him. She promised him that they would have a home of their own one day, she talked about how much she wished for a world where she didn’t have to worry about fighting and killing and AJ could just be a happy kid. 

She fought for Ericson, she watched her friends die or become mutilated by someone from her past. She allowed herself to be vulnerable enough to pursue a romantic relationship with Louis or Violet because she felt safe with them, felt safe at Ericson because it’s their home now. 

And when Clementine was bit, she thought she was going to die but she still fought to make sure AJ would be safe and happy without her and it was heartbreaking. She’s dying and the only thing she cares about is AJ. Not herself, not what’s going to happen to her after she dies or turns... no, she tries to make AJ smile again, she makes sure he remembers the rules, and she tells him that she loves him. 

Then he cuts off her leg, and she survives. AJ saved her fucking life, and she got to wake up at home and live to see her family again. She got to push AJ on a tire swing, she got to eat a hot meal and laugh with her friends, she got to make plans with her lover/best friend for what’s next for Ericson, and she got to talk to AJ and tell him the truth... and she asked him if she did a good job, and he’s honest with her right back. 

Hell, she tells him to keep her hat. Her iconic hat. The one thing she has left of her father, possibly her more cherished item. She lets him keep it. 

The last time we see Clementine, she’s happy. She’s sitting on the steps by herself, staring at her family with such fondness in her eyes and a smile on her face because she finally did it. She finally found a home where she can breathe. She has a bed to sleep in, she has AJ with her, she has a boyfriend/girlfriend who loves her and who she loves back, she has friends she can rely on. 

Clementine smiles, and lets out a small laugh. 

She doesn’t have to run anymore. 

And now you have the balls to tell me that AJ and Ericson don’t make Clementine happy anymore. 

She abandons everything to go back out on the road again, and that’s proof enough for me that you don’t understand a damn thing about Clementine or her journey. 

“ I don't even know the person I'm talking about... It's like all we have in common is the same name.” 

....Anyway.

Wow, Clementine found a car and kept is stashed. How lazy and convenient for this bullshit plot. 

And this is the part where I have to tell this comic to fuck off. 

What, you think if you throw in an incredibly inaccurate flashback next to a current pair of hugging Clem and AJ that I’ll feel anything but anger? That flashback is a slap to the face. It’s snowing, but the only time we’ve seen snow is in S2 when AJ was a literal new born, so why is he that big? Is that supposed to be from ANF because that ALSO doesn’t look like that AJ, and that’s not the outfit Clementine had on... AND there was no snow. This is cheap and meaningless. 

Any fan of the series who has played through the games could tell you this. 

So.... AJ runs into the woods and then we get this garbage.

This comic is awful. It misses the point of everything TFS, and the rest of the series, stood for. There is no heart here. I feel no happiness in reading it, and I don’t detect any passion behind it. It’s a lifeless comic that retcons everything in order to throw AJ away and start fresh with a new adventure for Clementine that makes no sense because the cow isn’t profitable unless it’s milked. 

This isn’t canon, and it won’t ever be canon, and honestly? At this point, I have no faith in the graphic novel trilogy. It will take a lot to do a turn around from this, and I don’t even know if that’s possible. 

Again, to reiterate, I don’t have anything personal against Tillie Walden herself. She’s just doing her job, and from what I’ve seen of her as a person, she seems like a sweetheart. I don’t want anyone giving her shit because I think the comic isn’t good or that you agree with me. All of my anger is directed at the comic itself, her work, not specifically her.... and a little bit at Skybound, because they’re the reason this is even a thing in the first place. 

So yeah.... there ya have it. 

[brawltogethernow]

@mirrorfalls​ submitted: Came across this while searching for James Bond’s scrambled-eggs recipe (long story). Your thoughts?

~~

But did you find James Bond’s scrambled eggs recipe?

In this article, Scocca laments his inability to find accessible, lighthearted superhero comics suitable to read with his young son, while also demonstrating a mysterious aversion to looking at DC and Marvel’s lines of comics for children, which is where the accessible, lighthearted superhero comics suitable for reading with young children are. He wants his elementary schooler to be able to safely have the run of all superhero media so he doesn’t have to touch the yucky baby books.

This is not an industry-wide crisis. This is just one dude who got paid to write an article where he accidentally exposed one of his personal hangups.

The child headed toward the trade paperbacks of Marvel and D.C. superhero titles on the side wall […] a few steps in front of me. […] Is he with you? a clerk asked me. I said he was. You know, the clerk said, we have a kids’ section. The clerk gestured backward, at a few shelves near the entrance. I said, Thanks, we know and tried throwing in a little shrug, as the kid kept going.

You can’t just turn a seven-year-old child loose in a comic-book store to look at the superhero comic books. […] My seven-year-old really wanted to see that last Avengers movie […] that is, he wished it were a movie he could see, but he understood that it was, instead, a movie designed to scare and sadden him—a movie actively hostile to people like him.

They have a children’s section. Because comics are a medium suitable for stories for everybody, and they are sold in comic book shops, which have sections, like bookstores. You can use this organization to find books that you know in advance are suitable for children. What goes in that category is determined by industry professionals. This area will be bigger the bigger the shop is. These comics are not lower quality that titles from the main lines. They are actually slightly better-written on average.

Your local comic book shop has considerately wrapped Empowered in a plastic bag, so your child will not be drawn in by a colorful superhero and accidentally read a graphic scene. If you think your kid might find a memoir about internment camps upsetting, it is your job to notice them picking up They Called Us Enemy and read the blurb on the back before you let them have it. This comic adults are meant to read is in a comic book shop because that is where comics are sold. Not every public place is supposed to be Disneyland.

Movies have ratings systems. If you do not want your child to watch a PG-13 movie, you will find that most superhero cartoons are for children. They are about the same characters. Some are quite good! I really enjoyed Earth’s Mightiest Heroes. Your child may like Avengers Assemble. At least I think that’s right. I’m always mixing those titles around.

This is a deeply weird bias for Scocca to casually demonstrate, because he identifies in the article that real childishness is striving for empty maturity.

He compares an old comic,

[…]a 1966 Spider-Man comic in which Spider-Man meets, fights, and defeats the Rhino; participates in a running argument between John Jameson and J. Jonah Jameson about his heroism; buys a motorcycle; breaks up with his first girlfriend, Betty Brant; flirts with Gwen Stacy; and reluctantly agrees to let Aunt May take him to meet her friend Mrs. Watson’s niece, Mary Jane.

and a new comic,

[…]a 21st century comic book in which Thor, brooding in a Katrina-destroyed New Orleans, beats up Iron Man. He also yells at Iron Man a lot about some incomprehensibly convoluted set of grievances, including involuntary cloning, that he believes Iron Man perpetrated against him while he was dead(?), and then summons some other Norse god from the beyond somehow for reasons having something to do with real estate. I think. Where the 1966 comic is zippy and fun and complete, the whole contemporary one is muddled and lugubrious and seems to constitute a tiny piece of a seemingly endless plot arc—simultaneously apocalyptic and inert.

and concludes that the edgier comic is actually less mature. This is true. (This is not news about mediocre comics.)

It also has nothing to do with either comic being child-friendly, the article’s nominal thesis, except in the sense that ASM #41 (yes, I eyeballed that from that summary, yes I am just showing off now) is better written, making it more everyone-friendly. It also has practically more space dedicated to word balloons than art and is about a college student juggling girl problems and a part-time job with a tyrannical boss. But the immature one, as Scocca points out, is dour.

These are both teenagery issues, separated only by quality. It’s true that lots of new comics published by the big 2 are bad in the specific way Scocca describes here, taking themselves too seriously and hauled down by associated stories instead of buoyed by them. Some are not! Some titles from these companies’ main continuities are zippy, contained, and child friendly. Give your child The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl! Or if you like vintage comics so much better, why don’t you…buy some?

The books on the kid’s rack are good and fun and totally suitable for parents to read with their children without wanting to scoop their eyeballs out. Scocca cites the Batman ‘66 comics as the brightly colored, tightly written all ages solution to his problem about sharing superhero stories with his son. My local comic shop stores this title in the kid’s section. I am glad that Scocca’s does not, as he seems to have a peculiar aversion to looking for comics to read with his son there.

Scocca cites Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse as a superhero movie he could watch with his kids. (I was surprised when this line made it sound like he has several. I don’t want to assume the other one isn’t in this article because they’re a girl, but I very much am assuming that.) Great! Go to the kid’s section and look for Marvel Adventures: Spider-Man. It’s a fun, zippy title directly inspired by ITSV where Miles, Gwen, and Peter superhero together. It’s much more tightly written than most of the various Spider-Verse comics, which are ambitiously messy ubercrossovers. You may not want to give those to children because they include murder and so on, but also you just have the choice between the two as an adult reader deciding how much continuity you want to deal with. Adventures is one of the only titles I would buy on sight before corona. The kid comic rack is a reliable place to take a break from How Comics Get Sometimes regardless of how old you are.

This article makes me feel quarrelsome. Maybe it’s that it doesn’t seem like exploration of a single idea so much as a loosely grouped bundle of things to kvetch about. Maybe it’s that the experience of getting into superheroes that Scocca describes experiencing, projects his seven-year-old son will experience, and from which he extrapolates a metaphorical microcosm of the history of the genre is completely alien to me.

Comic books [and] comic-book movies—are […] trapped in their imagined audience’s own awful passage from childhood to adolescence. A seven-year-old has a clean […] appreciation of superheroes. They like hero comics because the comics have heroes: bold, strong, vividly colored good guys to fight off the bad guys and make the world safe.

But seven-year-olds stop being seven. […] They become 13-year-olds, defensively trying to learn how to develop tastes about tastes.

The 13-year-old wants many things from comics, but the overarching one is that they want to prove that they’re not some seven-year-old baby anymore. They want gloomy heroes, miserable heroes, heroes who would make a seven-year-old feel bad. (Also boobs. They want boobs.)

Not because of the boobs line, although that does illicit an eyeroll that this gloomy thinkpiece is fretting over preserving the superhero experience of little boys who resemble the little boy the writer was while casually dismissing everyone else. I was one of those unlikable little seven-year-olds with a college reading level and the impression that maintaining it was the crux of my worth. I only read Books - distinguished media you could club someone with. I have a formative memory of pausing, enraptured, in front of a poster for Spider-Man 3, preparing to say that it looked pretty cool, and being beaten to the punch by my mother making a disparaging comment about how the movie was trash. It wasn’t out yet, but it was a superhero movie. That meant it was for loud, brainless children.

That was the total of my childhood experience with superheroes, excluding being the unwilling audience to incessant renditions of “Jingle Bells, Batman Smells” that left me wondering why in god’s name Batman’s sidekick was named Robin. I certainly never visited a comic book shop. I got into TvTropes, which got me into webcomics, which got me following David Willis, who got me into Ask Chris at ComicsAlliance, which led to me rewarding myself for studying like a demon for the AP tests with three volumes of Waid’s Daredevil, pitched as a return to the character being colorful and swashbuckling. I was seven…teen.

This is of the same thread as Scocca’s point that immaturity is running from childish things. It leaves me baffled that he doesn’t follow that maturity is embracing them.

I will disclose here that while I think it was dumb I had to overcome my upbringing’s deeply embedded shame associated with enjoying arbitrarily defined lowbrow media and children being childish, I think it’s fine that I was allowed largely unchecked access to technically age-inappropriate content. In my limited experience, content small children are too young for is also content they’re too young to understand, so it kind of just bounces off of them, and what actually ends up terrorizing them is unpredictable collages of impressions that strike out at them from content deemed perfectly child-friendly. I would not forbid a seven-year-old I was in charge of from seeing an MCU movie unless I had a reason to believe that specific child would not take it well. These are emotionally low-stakes bubblegum films. It will probably be easier to socialize with other kids if they have seen them.

But then, when I picture being in charge of a hypothetical child, I usually imagine this being the case because they are related to me, and the pupal stage in my family strongly resembles Wednesday Addams. ALL children love death and violence, though, right?? This isn’t a joke point. I know it looks like a joke point.

The MCU thing seems especially weird in light of the article’s particular focus on Spider-Man, which is the kiddie line of the MCU, even if they refused to waver from their usual formula enough to get a lower rating. Though I am more inclined to describe it as “preying on the young” than “child-friendly”.

(MCU movies are increasingly dubious propaganda, but I would not judge them in front of a child who wanted to watch them for that reason, just in case this led to them partaking of them without me the second they were old enough to and then they grew up to run a blog about them while our relationship suffered because they didn’t feel like it was safe to talk to me about their interests…Mom.)

I tried to overcome the philosophy of letting anyone read anything while compiling this handful of mostly-newish superhero recs for the road that anyone can read. (Handily, I have been in spitting distance of being hired as a comic shop clerk enough to have thought about it before):

For actual children:

Marvel Adventures Spider-Man (the new one is reminiscent of ITSV, the old one is more like 616) any DC/Archie crossover, Archie’s Superteens The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl (for bookish children who think they’re too good for comics and adults afraid of the kid’s section) Teen Titans Go (even if you hate the show) Superman Smashes the Klan

For teens:

Ms. Marvel Young Avengers (volume 2) Unbelievable Gwenpool Batman: Gotham Adventures Teen Titans Go (the tie-in comic based off the old show was also called this)

Here are a bunch of relevant C. S. Lewis quotes.

[midzelink]

So, as some of you might know, one of my GIFs was recently featured on the Tumblr Radar - which is pretty cool!  I was fairly happy with how that one turned out, especially considering that I made it rather last-minute on a whim to acknowledge Valentine’s Day.  It understandably received a lot of attention as a result of this, and I’ve loved reading through all the comments and tags (especially all the ones about how people want to eat the heart containers from TP); however, I wanted to clear up a bit of a misunderstanding surrounding the creation of that GIF, as there were additionally a lot of tags along the lines of #3d art or #artists on tumblr in that influx of reblogs.  I don’t want to take credit for something I didn’t do, even accidentally, and so allow me to be perfectly clear: the heart container GIF is not something I modeled and rendered myself! It is the original in-game model, recorded in-game using the Dolphin GCN/Wii emulator, with very little done in the way of post-processing in Photoshop.  If that sounds impossible or confusing (which is perfectly understandable, for those of you unaware of what Dolphin is capable of), I’d like to take this opportunity to give you guys a bit of a “peek behind the curtain,” as it were, to show you guys exactly how I made that particular GIF, as well as similar ones I’ve made (such as those in my #items tag).  

I didn’t take screenshots of my initial process (nor did I save the edited textures I used), so I’ll be recreating it from the ground up for the sake of demonstration, but that shouldn’t be a problem.

First thing’s first: finding a heart container! For this particular GIF, I wound up using the one that spawns after the Morpheel fight at the end of Lakebed Temple.  I’m sure many others would work just as well (I think, at the time, this one just happened to be the most accessible to me), but let’s use the same one for the sake of it.  

Morpheel: defeated.  And I didn’t even need Zora Armor! (Seriously, we do that in the speedrun.  But I’m getting off-topic.)  Of course, we’re going to need clean, close-up footage of the heart container rotating in order to do what we want to do, so let’s shift into first-person mode and and get a bit closer to the thing.

Now, because the only UI-element in this shot is Link’s health (and it’s in the corner and relatively non-obtrusive), removing it isn’t strictly necessary - but I’ve already made a texture pack that removes UI elements as part of my Text Free TP project from a while back, so let’s load it anyway, for the sake of being thorough.  This shot is also still a bit too far away, so next we’ll be utilizing Dolphin’s free cam feature (which can be accessed by going to Graphics > Advanced > Free Look and checking “Enable” in Dolphin) in order to get the heart container in a more central position. Now we’re left with this:

And we’re already looking well on our way to making a nice, solid color background GIF.  But how do we get the solid color? Well, that’s where more texture editing comes into play - and here I have to give credit where credit is due, as this is a trick I picked up from 186px, after wondering how they were able to make this GIFset of Link fighting Ganondorf in The Wind Waker in a great, black void.  (Seriously, shoutouts to them, their stuff was and still is amazing.)

But, very basically, we’ll be using Dolphin’s texture dump feature in order to find the textures that need to be edited so we can replace them with pure black ones.  Texture dumping can be enabled by going to Graphics > Advanced > Utility and checking “Dump Textures,” and the file path for these dumped textures by default is Documents > Dolphin Emulator > Dump > Textures > [Game ID].  (In the case of Twilight Princess, the Game ID is GZ2E01).  After dumping the textures in the Morpheel arena, my GZ2E01 folder looks like this:

When editing textures, sometimes you’ll have to endure a bit of trial and error until you find the correct ones.  Luckily, in this scene, the textures making up the sand floor and the stone walls are rather large, so let’s isolate the ones we’re pretty sure are responsible (plus a few others that are obviously environmental, just to be safe).

Now, when loading custom textures, it’s important that the file name you’re trying to load matches up exactly with the original texture that you’re trying to replace.  I have a plain, black, square PNG that I keep on my desktop specifically for this purpose; I copy the file names of the textures I’ve isolated, then rename and drag and drop the black PNG into the folder where custom textures are loaded (Documents > Dolphin Emulator > Load > Textures > [Game ID]).  Like so:

And now, to refresh our custom textures by disabling and reenabling them in Dolphin’s graphics settings:

And voilà! We have something that very nearly resembles the GIF I made (well, a still of it, at least).  I skipped over a few details, such as the fact that TP has a pretty significant amount of bloom surrounding just about everything, which I’m fairly certain I disabled using cheat codes when I made the original GIF in order to give it an overall cleaner look.  It’s hard to tell from this still, but TP’s heart containers also sparkle considerably in a way that’s random and not loopable; I found the texture responsible for this sparkle and replaced it with a transparent 1x1 PNG, in order to remove it entirely (as well as the texture behind the “glow” of the thing).  After that, it was as simple as recording the game with OBS, dumping the MP4 into Photoshop, cropping and cutting it to make it loop, and adding some adjustment layers for contrast and color.  So...yeah!

I hope this has served to clear up any confusion about some of the things that I’ve made in the past.  I’m not a 3D artist - just a person with an emulator and way too much free time on their hands.  This stuff is really, super simple, and also lots of fun, so I would highly encourage anyone with the means to mess around with emulation on their own some time to see what they can do!  (Even if you don’t have Photoshop and can’t make GIFs, there are always edits, such as this one I made of Midna.)  For Twilight Princess in particular, I also highly recommend checking out TPGZ; it’s a patch you can apply to a clean ISO of the original game, designed with the purposes of helping folks learn and practice the speedruns (yes, I had to bring up speedrunning one last time, kill me), but it’s got nifty features like built-in savestates, cheat codes, and HUD removal, as well as the ability to freeze actors while maintaining the ability to move the camera freely, among other things (all things that are very useful as far as making unique graphics go).  Sorry this post got as long as it did, but I at the very least hope that some of you found it educational and/or interesting.  Cheers!

[jackrrabbit]

spank bank HCs /// Oikawa, Atsumu, and Kuroo x s/o (18+)

A/N: Been thinking about how the hq boys practice self-love 😏 Kind of a palate cleanser, I want to do this for more characters haha

Tags/warnings: pornography, masturbation, sex, edging, lots of mentions of different porn categories, Kuroo is a little shit, all characters are 18 or older

Oikawa Tōru

Oikawa has a weird relationship with conventional porn. On one hand, he’s a young healthy guy with an equally healthy sex drive, and what can he say, he likes watching girls get pounded

On the other hand, the kind of porn you find on sites like PH is always ugly men fucking beautiful women, and as a pretty boy Oikawa finds it hard to identify with. Like where is the justice??? How is it supposed to be believable that a gorgeous woman in her twenties is really moaning that hard for an aging male pornstar with more hair on his chest than on his head?

So he opts for the perfect alternative: camgirls!

He has three or four different channels that he bounces between. His favorites are the ones that are well-lit, nicely produced, high quality film and lots of eye contact. He never interacts or chats with them though, he’s kind of a lurker

Very very into solo acts and toys. You know those sites that let you control the speed of a girl’s vibrator by donating certain amounts of money? Oikawa lives for those. All his pocket change goes toward camgirls, it’s a real problem

Once the two of you start dating, Oikawa’s sexual needs are mostly sated because…well, he’s got you, and you’re a hundred times hotter than any random girl on the internet. But once in a while it’ll still happen that your schedules don’t line up or you’re on your period or it just doesn’t work out, and he’ll get pent up again

When that happens, he’ll return to his old stand-by channels. It’ll be kinda nostalgic getting off to girls fucking themselves with glass dildos or grinding on vibrators in front of the webcam

But the problem, the problem is that he can’t get you out of his head, and when he’s looking at “jasm1neXXX” doing her cute little striptease, he keeps feeling like he’s betraying you :(

So Oikawa bids a regretful goodbye to his old favorite camgirls, and begins the search for one who looks like you. The resemblance doesn’t have to be perfect, it can be something small—hair that matches your color, a moan that falls into a huff of breath like you do—just enough that he can imagine that she’s you

Definitely never tells you that he gets off to porn. Feels guilty about it even if you wouldn’t care ➳

Miya Atsumu

Kinda the opposite of Oikawa when it comes to porn. His preferences are extremely fuckboyish

Into a little bit of everything. Lesbian, gangbang, bondage, creampie, step-sibling, whatever. You name it, he’s seen it, and he’s probably jacked off to it. The only thing he’s resolutely not into is amateur stuff. Atsumu doesn’t fuck with that low-budget bullshit

Definitely not here for the storyline though—he’ll skip ahead in the video past the setup (seriously, who gives a fuck about why the babysitter decided to spread her legs for the the pizza delivery guy) so he can get to the good part

Into edging. To spice things up a bit if he’s got at least an hour of free time he’ll go through a bunch of different videos, jerking himself off slowly while he watches a pretty girl get wrecked, up until he feels his stomach drop and he’s riiiiight about to cum when he’ll stop. Wait. Let himself fall down a little bit, hold back, drop away from the edge. And start another video just so he can do it all over again

Atsumu doesn’t really know…why he likes edging. It’s very frustrating. It makes him antsy and horny and tense, so he’s not sure why he does it. Once when he was doing it, he got interrupted and couldn’t finish until ages later and it was probably the most unpleasant thing he’s ever felt that wasn’t physical pain. He was seriously this fucking close 👌 to smacking the shit out of the person who interrupted him (it was Osamu complaining that he was sick of getting sexiled for over an hour)

It just…feels good, okay? It feels real good to finally get to cum after he’s been edging. Jerking off every other day can get old, so a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do

Favorite category is probably public sex! The possibility of other people overseeing is so fucking hot

Overall, Atsumu has a pretty high sex drive and feels zero guilt about watching porn. Even if you guys are dating, he has needs and you’re not always around to help with them, so that’s where PH and XV come in

Absolutely not shy about it with you. Legit if he’s watching something he wants to try that he just saw in a porno, he will not hesitate to text you the link and be like “hey watch this n tell me what ya think”

Even if you’re not the type to be appreciative of his porn recommendations, he will still def take notes from what he watches and apply them irl. Atsumu is plenty aware that porn is unrealistic, but he’s more than capable of sifting out the good from the bad, and it helps him be…let’s say creative in bed

Want to know where he learned that new move or that extremely bendy position? You don’t have to wonder. It’s porn. He learned it from porn ◎

Kuroo Tetsurō

Kuroo tends to get in a bit of a dilemma because he likes sex and his sex drive is through the roof, but he Does Not. Like. Masturbating.

He much, much prefers to have sex with a partner—to be fair, who doesn’t?—but Kuroo will take it to an extreme. If he’s not able to see you, he’ll go weeks without touching his dick for any reason that isn’t pissing or washing

Literally...a couple months after you started dating, his family made him come on a three-week vacation to Hawaii and when he came back he complained that it was the worst three weeks of his life

“You were in a tropical paradise getting a tan and you’re acting like it was a war zone. Stop whining.” “But baby, you weren’t there! I was so horny, you have no idea, I thought I was going to die, I thought my dick was going to fall off—“

It gets annoying.

When he gets his hands on you after a decent period apart, he’ll be like “I saved myself up for you baby <3” and you’re like “um, ew, why are you so gross”

If he doesn’t wear a condom with you, be prepared for the fact that he cums a lot. A lot. You’ll be in the shower afterward cleaning up and it’s like, there’s more? There’s still fucking more???

You ask Kuroo once why he doesn’t like jacking off, kind of awkwardly, after a four-round fuckfest that left you too shaky to even hold your hips off the bed, and he pauses for a second to think about it before answering

“Well…imagine you have a choice between two meals. One of them is a gourmet steak from a five-star restaurant, and the other one is…hm, a McDonald’s hamburger. You can have the burger whenever you want it, but the steak is only available once in a while because it’s rare and you have to appreciate it when you have it. Which would you choose?”

Okay, fine. That’s kind of cute

It’s less cute when you guys are apart and Kuroo gets really desperate, desperate enough that you get 6 texts in a row from him at 1 in the morning implying that he’s in some kind of dire emergency

“babe”

“BABE”

“911”

“🆘❌⚠️🆘”

“please I need ur help it’s important”

“call me asap”

You call him all frantic, asking him if he needs you to call the cops or something. Is he in trouble? Hurt? Is there a home invader threatening his life?

Nope, he’s totally fine, he’s just horny and wants to have phone sex. That son of a bitch

If you tell him off badly enough, Kuroo will relent and make do without you. He will, however, request nudes to help him through this difficult time

Send thoughts and prayers instead ✷

[neozoid]

Peril comes out

Peril's wingtips touched Clay's as they silently soared through the soft gray rain.

Half an hour ago, she had asked him if he would take just one moment to fly with her. After everything that had happened, with Jade Mountain Academy under threat and those little rapscallions - Moon, Turtle, Kinkajou, Anemone, Qibli, and Winter - had all managed to save it. The past week... no, weeks? She had lost track of time. But they had been a blur - a blur of emotions, of frustration, of painful, deep searing guilt, Darkstalker's scroll looming in her mind, and of longing. She hadn't gotten to talk to Clay in so long, and she wasn't sure that at the end of it he'd still feel the same way about her that he did when she saved his life on the brightest night.

She turned to look at his face in the grayness. His expression was focused, concentrated, effortful.

He must still be in a lot of pain from that burn I gave him, Peril thought guiltily.

No! She shook her head. I kept him alive! If it wasn't for me he'd be dead! But that didn't make her feel any better.

She turned her gaze back down to the valleys below, vast and dotted in slate blue pine trees obscured by the falling droplets. They rolled harmlessly off Clay, but they sizzled when they hit her and dissolved into steam, making her look like a ghost in flight. The rocky outcroppings below resembled a sleeping dragon - as if the landscape itself, was, once again, put to rest after Darkstalker's second sleep.

"Peril," Clay spoke.

She whipped her head around to him. "Clay?"

"I'm... I'm starting to get a bit tired. Do you think we could stop somewhere down below? Maybe in a cave."

She quickly scanned the landscape below her, and saw an opening just a half mile away. "Yeah, I see something down there." She turned herself in the direction of the cave, and Clay followed her.

As they came in for a landing, Peril opened her wings wide, scattering a million fallen petals that intermingled with the rain. She softly touched down and carefully wrapped her wings around herself, and looked back at Clay, beckoning.

They both sat in the mouth of the cave, tails twined, watching the rain fall.

After what seemed like just a moment (but Peril knew full well was the better part of an hour,) Clay looked at her and asked "So... do you want to talk about Scarlet? Or Ruby? Or the stuff that happened while you were helping Moon and her friends save Jade Mountain?"

Peril stared at him, startled. "No! I mean, yes! I mean, just..." She sighed and looked at the roof of the cave. "I do, but like... hrmmmnnm." She closed her mouth shut and hummed.

"I get it. It can be hard to talk about stuff like this. It took us five forever to find the time to reflect and talk about our feelings after everything happened." He looked at the ceiling too and laughed. "Tsunami..." he muttered happily, and shortly his smile faded, his face a sad, wistful stare. "And Glory."

"I... hm." She fidgeted with her talons nervously. "I mean, I DO want to talk about Queen Scarlet and Ruby and-" she shook her head, "not-queen-Scarlet and- arghh, but it's so! CONFUSING! And it makes me mad to think about her manipulating like that. I trusted her, I really did and..."

Clay looked into the rain. "Like we trusted Morrowseer."

"I... I guess... yeah..." She looked into a corner awkwardly, but then curled her fist. "She shouldn't have betrayed us like that!" she roared.

"What about... Turtle?" Clay offered.

Peril's heart jumped in her stomach. She thought about Turtle, the only other dragon who had understood and trusted her, at least for a while. How protective she felt of him, how she wanted to follow him (and then not...) when they were trying to find Queen Scarlet. She thought about how he went underwater that night, making her rage about how she couldn't get to him, and how regretful she felt when she left him behind. He made her feel new things, just like Clay, new weird things.

"He was nice, I guess."

"How did he feel about being an animus? That must've been why he was able to sympathize with you. He knew if he revealed his animus secret he'd be thrust into the talons of others and the plans they wanted for him, and the only way to avoid that was deep, resolute isolation. He knows how that feels, Peril."

She fumed with fury for a second. Why could he hide! He got to choose that lousy isolation, but she didn't have a choice! Then she thought about his pain-stricken face when she found his healing rock, or his vengeful look as he bashed Chameleon upside the-

Chameleon.

She stared through the wall of water passing outside.

"Peril," Clay whispered.

"Oh. Right." She looked back at him.

"I know it's a lot of stuff to think about, but I can't keep carrying this conversation by myself." He softly chuckled with a warm, patient smile.

She blushed and fluttered her wings. "Right. Sorry, sorry. I was just- argh. Arghhh." She squirmed, as if caterpillars were crawling out of her skin.

Do I tell him?

"Turtle," she said resolutely, "taught me new things about myself. He reminded me of you, actually, Clay. You were my first exposure to life outside the Skywing Palace, and if I'm being honest I was kind of disappointed with the other dragonets at Jade Academy, how they treated me. I thought they'd be like you - I thought everyone in the outside world would be like that."

Clay winced.

"But Turtle! Turtle has his friends, and, surely, he's taught them! I keep getting letters from them. Which is like, weird, but the fact that someone's thinking about me!? While I'm not in front of them!?! Threatening to blaze their FACE or melt their SKIN off!?!?!" She yelled with a smile. "It's CRAAAAZY!"

Clay let out a hearty laugh, smiling as well.

"And Queen Ruby - she hated me, she hated me so bad Clay, she hated me just as much as the other Skywings did, if not more. If Scarlet's twisted love is what makes me ache, Ruby's absolute hatred of me tore me to the core. She looked at me and didn't want anybody, nobody in the whole world to do anything with me. Didn't want anyone to touch me, look at me, love me. She saw me as an irredeemable monster because of things I couldn't control." Peril's face contorted in despair.

"But Tourmaline... Someone who hadn't been fed Scarlet's lies... She saw right through that and she knew deep in my heart I COULD love." She scratched her snout awkwardly. "Well, at least I think I can. I'm not sure."

Clay lovingly jabbed her with her shoulder, and she giggled.

"But that pure strong spirit.... It's so." Her stomach dropped. "It's so scary what Chameleon did to her. Ripped her title, her memories, her life away just for some gold, some jewels." She spat on the ground.

"And Chameleon..."

Her stomach felt like a howling void, ready to collapse her from the inside out.

Do I tell him?

What if he hates me?

He should hate me.

I'm just as bad as him.

I'm just like my dad.

She turned to Clay terrified.

"I-" she sputtered. "I want to tell you something."

Clay looked at her face, concerned, but he motioned around. "Just you and me."

"I-" Peril's muscles clenched, her veins wrapped all around inside her, her bones stabbed inside her, shame made her heat blaze ever hotter, shame and guilt and pain and fear. She wanted to fall into the ground and have it swallow her up, but she knew she didn't have a choice.

"I'm not - I'm not actually a girl. I was hatched as a boy. I- I- Queen Scarlet, she said, she- she wanted me to be like her and- " Words started running over one another. "When you got here- I- I- I just felt like protecting you- and- but- I didn't want you to give up on me- Having a relationship- I-" She wanted to die. She wanted to disappear. "I'm a liar. I'm- I'm just like Chameleon," she howled. "I'm faking it. I- I wanted you but I- I just-" She let go, and wailed.

She looked back at him. "P-please don't-don't hate me," Peril choked through tears.

Clay softly gazed at her, leaned in closer, his wings wrapping around her, and kissed her on her snout.

Peril tears turned to confusion as she leaped with delight and her scales roared a bright blazing blue, the searing heat singing any leftover moss in the cavern. Clay reflexively pulled away, and patted his singed scales, laughing.

"Ow, geez, haha! Not like that!"

"I- I- Huh??"

Peril stepped back, but looked up and peered at his expression.

He really doesn't hate me, she thought wondrously.

As Clay turned looking over himself, his scales settled, and as the smoke rose, he looked at Peril.

"You know, someone else actually said something similar to me a little while ago." He sat back down.

Peril crooned. "R-Really?"

"Yeah. It was - it was Sunny."

Peril's jaw dropped open.

"She'd mentioned to me how she'd - during our time fulfilling the dragonet prophecy, she'd... we'd kind of ignore her most of the time. Not take her seriously. When we first planned on escaping the cavern, we didn't tell her.... she was so upset, afterwards. And in all of our discussions and planning afterwards, we'd step on her feelings. Actually, you remember the Nightwing invasion? Or, well, whatever came of the invasion before they all came crashing into Glory's rainforest under fealty."

"Yeah?" Peril looked at him.

"She was the one who came up with the idea of using the sleeping darts! But Glory was planning, and the others were shouting, so she had to ask me to use my voice and SHOUT it at everyone. The point is, she felt small. And overly protected - we didn't respect her whole, y'know, feelings as part of the team."

Peril flicked her tail, anxious.

"So... A couple nights ago, she talked to me in private, and she told me how she'd been feeling, and... she said she didn't really feel like it was right to be a Queen anymore. Given Thorn had safely secured the position, and was doing a good job... And with everything about the Eye of Onyx." Clay shifted on his talons. "She could trust it to pick a new leader. And the thing is, you know how... you've seen Deathbringer. You've seen Riptide. You've seen Starflight and maybe even Winter and Qibli. And maybe even Darkstalker, and Clearsight."

He sighed.

"Male dragons have a strong feeling to protect one person, the one person who brings them all the light in the world. Sunny said she didn't really feel like that - like one person had captured her whole heart in their hands. But she certainly didn't want to be the object of that kind of affection either. And Sunny didn't feel like Queen Coral or Thorn or Scarlet either, where she wanted to protect her own kin, her own future. She wants to protect everybody. And more than that, she doesn't want to be Sunny the small and weak and lovable, or Sunny the fierce and possessive and loyal. She just wants to be... Sunny, helping out wherever she can."

Peril stared at him intently, blue eyes locked in brown. "And?"

"Well, at first we tried just referring to Sunny by name to sort of, you know, respect her decision, but Starflight looked through the library and found in some old scrolls people using 'they' to refer to - did you even know there were dragons who decided to live past being a boy or a girl in the past, just like Sunny? I was surprised."

Peril's mind was racing. "They must be so happy," she said, eyes sparkling.

Outside, the rain had cleared, and Peril noticed out beyond the cave was a huge field of sunflowers, waving and dancing in the cool wind.

Suddenly her thoughts returned to her.

"But that thing you said earlier about protecting..." Peril looked down at her talons uncomfortably.

"Oh yeah - sorry, I... I didn't mean to. I just..." Clay caught himself. "I... I'm sorry Peril. I know your feelings about this must be really, really complicated. I..." Clay looked away again with a twinge of guilt on his face.

Peril stared at him, trembling.

"But Sunny taught me something I hadn't even thought about before." He chuckled. "I did think about it too, but after a long night of restless staring at the sky and thinking I figured I was perfectly happy being a guy. But that look on Sunny's face... they must have struggled as much with telling us as you did."

"I love you, Peril. I don't think you're anything like Chameleon at all. He only used his identities to trick and manipulate others, to get what he wanted for himself. But you've only ever been trying to find yourself - with Scarlet twisting your thoughts from birth, with how everyone's avoided you and you've been excluded from all the Skywings and, man, even the other dragon's games on Jade Mountain. It must hurt so much to be that isolated."

Peril stared into the field, unable to meet his gaze, tears running down her face.

"I just want you to know, Peril, I love you for who you chose to be. For all of your heroism, and your kindness. Your self-restraint. Chameleon had none of those qualities. But you do."

He stared her straight in the eye.

"What you chose is noble, and so so hard. Being true to yourself - more than Chameleon ever was, he couldn't handle being boring old him - is so, so hard. I know."

Peril thought about the Chameleon's enchanted necklace that removed her firescales. She shuddered deeply."

But you did it. And you shouldn't have to live with the shame, or the guilt anymore. You can have a new beginning just like us." His eyes creased as he looked into hers so warmly, making her melt. "You might protect my scales, but I want to protect your smile. I hope you can let me do that."

"I-"

She rushed forward and hugged him, squeezing him tight. Tears streamed down her face, and she choked down a sob, but she hugged him as tight as she could, not letting go.

"Thank you, Clay," she said when she finally let him out of her little death trap.

"Woof!" He stumbled backwards, breathlessly. "I know I said be true to yourself, but maybe we can work a little on the intensity." He looked at her with a silly expression on his face. "Just kidding. You're perfect the way you are."

"Ha ha," she guffawed. "Tell that to anyone else at Jade Academy." She joked, but she knew deep in her heart that the others were starting to see her for what she could be, too. Not just a monster, or a weapon - but a friend.

"So my queen, shall we return to the mountain?" He curtseyed awkwardly, then looked up with one eye. "Actually, wait, that sounds kind of weird? Girlfriend? Babe?" He started scratching his head. "Names were never really my strong suit."

She howled with laughter and smacked him on the back, taking flight. "Just call me Peril," she triumphantly roared. As Clay lept into flight behind her, grinning, Peril thought... Not gonna lie - I like babe too.