#(believing vulnerability is more valuable without sex)

[heartevent]

Like for one I do think its weird to generalize a sexuality like that but also I'm amazed by this sex-crazed world many internet-centric asexuals seem to believe we live in. It's honestly a really puritan view to look at sex, vulnerability isn't more valuable if the pairing aren't having sex together. Sex doesn't "dirty" you, one can even argue its another form of vulnerable communication

[francesderwent]

sometimes having sex with people you’re not in a loving, long-term relationship with isn’t good, but that’s absolutely not universally true. your perspective is valuable but not universal. saying that “the sexual revolution has been a pointless failure” is…. not right? it was about more than just having sex with random people; it was also about destigmatizing homosexuality and it was about accessibility to birth control (and the birth control is also more broadly about women’s health and having a knowledge of your own body, its capabilities, and how to address its problems). this isn’t trying to be anon hate or anything—i want to hear your opinions on the nuances of modern feminism. it’s just more complicated then the way you presented it

hi anon! you were really very respectful in your framing of this ask, which I greatly appreciate!!, so while there’s too much to fully get into I will say:

I simply disagree. I do not think there is any situation or circumstances in which having sex with someone who doesn’t love you is going to be good for you, psychologically. it’s not going to be worth it. hyper-sexuality is often a response to trauma, and not a healthy, healing response. it just makes whatever the pain is worse. this isn’t at all to imply any judgment against people who have had hookups or whatnot, it’s just to say that I do not think it is ever a good idea. and a society which goes on blithely encouraging it and pretending like that’s making people happy is not going to be a healthy society.

ask yourself this: how many people do you know in therapy because of a past sexual relationship? how many people do you know who are in therapy for something else, but are also having a lot of sex to try to numb the pain? this stuff really hurts people, and ignoring that because it goes against the party line isn’t doing them any favors.

I believe there are a few things in life that are serious enough that we ought to guide people’s dealings with them the way we put railings up around cliff sides on trails. the railing is universal. it applies in all cases, because falling off a cliff without a parachute is dangerous in all cases. sex is so vulnerable and so intimate. and so there oughta be a railing placed around it.

hopefully that helps to explain my viewpoint.

[kiragecko]

what do you think about batcest?

Okay, I believe in Ship and Let Ship, and that fiction can be about whatever it wants to be about. So I'm not getting into a purity culture discussion here. Instead, I'll talk about my actual opinions, rather than a moral stance.

Mostly, I think that it is an uninterestingly large category, grouped together mostly for logistics reasons.

-

First, there's incest-kink. Which comes in two main flavours that I've seen: restitution, and violation.

Restitution incest-kink is when a person either didn't get strong family relational attachments growing up, or idolizes those types of attachments, and finds a way to create them with other loved ones later on, through either sex or roleplay.

Since familial connections were my ONLY stable relationships as a kid, this just ... feels weird to me. Why get that from people who, in my experience, are WORSE at it? I find it mildly off-putting in fic.

Violation incest-kink is when someone is attracted to the broken trust, vulnerability, and shame attached to being harmed by someone supposed to protect you.

I like dark fic, and benefit from reliving helplessness in a safe environment (like fic). I will read a fic like this, but usually for unrelated reasons. Incest isn't the draw, it just often shows up in the same stories as tropes that work better for me.

-

Then, there's the Batcest which isn't interested in incest at all. It's just labeled that way to warn people that characters, which the audience might consider family, are dating/having sex.

I think it's a good idea to label that! Some people might want to avoid it!

(I don't personally think that this counts as writing incest. This type of fic is usually impossible to differentiate from fic about characters who are unrelated. The previous type of fic that I described IS distinct. If something has no effect on the story, I don't think it's an important variable.)

I think people write Technical Batcest for multiple reasons. Some that I've seen are:

They're the characters the authour has seen interact. Which makes them the only available options to ship. I can enjoy this type of fic, though I REALLY like supporting characters, and comics minutiae, so I often find it a bit limiting.

The authour only knows how to interpret canon closeness through sex/romance. Similar to the first type of incest-kink, but without the awareness. I'm way too aroace for this boringness.

The authour has a specific dynamic or theme to explore, and it can most easily be explored through sex/romance. This ... is often extremely compelling. Fiction has tools that really life doesn't. Metaphors, symbols, and mirrored experiences can be amazing ways to explore complex topics. I APPROVE of shipping Bats together if it gets me some deep insights into them, myself, or the world!

-

For me, whether something is Batcest or not isn't really a helpful factor. I'm looking at other tags, the summary, and maybe the first few paragraphs, instead.

The only things I actively search out are a few JayTim tropes that I feel are most successfully explored through their particular history and context, and also work best with sex as ... almost a distancing effect? Like, the thing they're resonating with in me has NOTHING to do with sex, but is far too vulnerable to be addressed directly. Pretend sex happening to other people is enough distance that I can actually look into that part of myself.

(I would like if enough people knew about the 'Incest Kink' tag that I could assume that 'Pseudo-Incest' by itself probably WASN'T the first category. It would make both tags more useful. But I still think it's valuable to tag things even if they don't help me!)

-

Finally, here are my opinions about the actual ship dynamics.

I am not interested in Damian being shipped with anyone, related or not. Find it a turn off. He's little, I don't HAVE to tolerate ships yet!

There is a certain kind of romantic exploration I find compelling in rare Cass fics, but I have no interest in reading about her having sex, ever. (The only other Wayne I've seen this dynamic with is Tim, and those were written before the adoption.)

Tim is shut down enough that sex becomes a valid way to get into his head. Really uninterested in anything but his platonic sibling relationship with Dick. Dark fic with him and Bruce is possible, but can go wrong in a lot of ways. I like him and Jason with a variety of dynamics and interpretations - both canon compliant and completely fanon.

Dick and anyone other than Jason usually bothers me, and I avoid it. I relate to Dick as co-eldest-siblings. That is not what I am interested in with siblings. Even Dark fic with him and Bruce isn't fun. Prefer Dick & Jason over JayDick, but the ship can occasionally work.

I'm more interested in the family dynamics with ALL the characters. That's true with Jason, as well. But with him I have the least strongly-negative reactions to ships. The only Wayne ship I get a lot out of is JayTim, but I'd be willing to read most of them, if the story seemed interesting.

Bruce and his children is ... I'm not a FAN. But, again, when I want things dark, that tends to be one of the places writers gravitate to, so I'll follow them.

Alfred. I do NOT want Alfred/Bruce. No. Not for me. Theoretically, Alfred would be even more affective than Bruce for dark ships with the kids, but I haven't actually found anything that worked for me.

And I haven't seen enough fic with any other relationships that would fit this label to have opinions.

[bledastray]

🩸 ︰ # BASIC

name : rafael luis cordero. nicknames : rafe. date of birth : december 2nd 1996. place of birth : mexico city, mexico. ethnicity : mexican. age : twenty7. gender : cis man. sexuality : homosexual. divine parent : huitzilopochtli. god of the sun, war, bloodletting and sacrifice. mother : selena cordero, cult member. education : high school diploma. occupation : former cult member and butcher.

🩸 ︰ # PHYSICAL

hair and eye color : raven  black  hair.  dark  brown  eyes. height and build : six feet, two inches tall. athletic build with lean musculature. dominant hand : left. tattoos : a tattoo of a crimson sun, the symbol of la sangre del sol, the cult he was he was born and raised in. scars : none notable, a few cuts from blood rituals. clothing style : a very limited wardrobe of hand-me-downs and handmade clothes. prefers comfort over aesthetics, and often wears rugged, worn-in crop tops with bloodstains that are impossible to fully wash out. also has polo and sleeveless shirts that feature sun motifs or fire-like patterns, but with more subdued or tarnished hues, such as faded golds, rusty reds, and deep burgundies. also favors sturdy, practical pants — cargo or leather — that allow freedom of movement while providing protection, some with small stains and worn spots from his past work. but if he's not going out or doing anything extensive, rafael does not like to wear anything at all.

🩸 ︰ # PSYCHE

mbti : estj —  the  executive.    enneagram :   3w2�� —  the  enchanter. moral alignment : chaotic  neutral. astrological placements : sagittarius sun, scorpio moon, aries rising. personality : values efficiency and order, preferring clear and defined roles in relationships and life. motivated by achievement, rewards and validation, with the desire to be liked, to be seen as valuable, and to connect — albeit on his terms. he may appear outgoing and friendly, but it's always a means to an end. strategic, calculating, and protective of those he deems loyal while also seeking constant validation through achievements or seduction. desensitized to violence after growing up in a cult that believed in blood sacrifices to sustain the sun and maintain plentiful fertile crops. capable of killing without hesitation if it serves a purpose, especially with his role as a butcher desensitizing him further, turning ritualistic violence into a task that needs to be done efficiently. given the cult’s emphasis on bodily sacrifice and physical rituals, has an internalized sense of power through the body. uses sexuality as a way to assert control and gain validation. charming and seductive, often relying on physicality rather than emotional intimacy because it’s easier to navigate. sex as transactional — a way to get others to value or want him without having to open up emotionally. craves recognition, but fears the vulnerability that comes with true intimacy. habits : strict daily rituals including praying to the sun, as well as grooming and morning preparations. daily exercise to keep top physical shape. polishing tools and weapons, keeping them sharp and clean. subconsciously checking out people's veins. compulsively fixes and arranges objects around him, especially when he’s anxious or feels out of control. quirks : drawn to the color red, often commenting on or admiring red objects or clothing on others. taps his fingers rhythmically when he's thinking or bored, sometimes mimicking the pulse of blood flow. smirking at people in a flirtatious way, almost like a default expression. does not like wearing socks or underwear, finds them restrictive. when in conversation, his eyes may flicker to a person’s neck, fascinated by the blood flowing underneath the skin. often pauses in the doorway as if assessing the space, people, and the flow of energy. hobbies : collects various blades, from ritualistic knives to butcher tools, admiring their craftsmanship. takes pride in cooking, especially working with meat, creating elaborate dishes. his background as a butcher and control over blood makes him naturally interested in anatomy, spending time studying books or models of human and animal bodies. from a self-sustaining cult, he also likes gardening and growing his own ingredients. carves small sculptures out of wood or bone, enjoying the intricacy and precision needed.

[virgopropaganda]

Separate thoughts about Jeanette’s book it’s very long and vulnerable

Later in the book she compares binge, anorexia and bulimia, and the way she describes anorexia as “regal, in control” sucked for me personally. “At least I feel thin and valuable and good about my body, my smallness….I’m determined to keep this up.” Fucking sucked. Also “it’s a secret code you can’t help but pick up on” for a long time I didn’t think they could tell because doctors can’t tell. But other people can tell. Jeanette later writes “Fuck it. This works for me. Bulimia helps me. My grandma is blocked and my body is empty and these are things I need.” Very real however like, you’re not Actually happy (pointing at me). Her slower therapist (the 2nd one she sees) describing her binge pattern was eye opening. She’s right that the eating disorder brain is annoying. It’s like with everything going on and what better things for the mind to focus on, but the judgment on yourself because you ate food. Annoying.

Lots of the details were shocking just because how similar some of the things that happens to me. The way her mom talked about cancer is the way my family would talk about alcohol and drugs. It took me a long time to realize that these aren’t funny cutesy stories, they’re deeply hurtful events that my close family went though. Jeanette talked about her mom being desperate and using a cutesy voice that is sickening to her resonated with my life. The part about not wanting to cut off her daughter less grandma—“There is more maintenance to this relationship than I would like, and even so, it’s not nearly enough for her, which I’m told every time we do talk”. So other people do go through the exact same shit as me. I guess I feel better that I haven’t had an original experience but I am thankful that other people could understand how fucked toxic families are.

Some things her mom said my own family has said regarding their bodies, wanting to be famous, how she felt she was different than her family before her. It’s wild to me that one person in her life was what about 9 adults in my life were. There’s a part where Jeanette talks about how her mom is 20-45 minutes late to pick her up. I can’t even talk about my history without breaking down, but being left by your parent again and again and then having to protect them feels fucking terrible.

I also related to her feelings about life and especially the desperation of wanting out of her home situation. The feeling of being detached from your body during sex. The wanting it to stop but also keep going, being relived to get your virginity over with (I highlighted this part and wrote “comphet?”) When she’s desperate to be with a guy because “he’s older and cooler and you’ve never felt this way about anyone so it must be special.” Jeanette described her grandmas touch not being “nurturing or comforting but seductive”. I related and it made me feel not alone. Toward the end she basically makes a victim impact statement and said something I wanted to articulate if I wrote one “…I felt violated yet I had no voice, no ability to express that. I was conditioned to believe any boundary I wanted was a betrayal of her so I stayed silent. Cooperative.”

There’s some talk about female friendships that’s cringey to read. I understand her mother taught her these things and she’s had to unlearn them but GOD many times my thoughts went to “feeeeeemales oh no not feeemales”. Her mom in pep talk mode “a role she switches into more often than is necessary because it makes her feel necessary”. I just wrote down “oh my god” I couldn’t write who it reminded me of.

Other cringey moments included ”There’s blowjobs and then there’s THIS blowjob” like girl please. Also her drink was gin and tonic I’m sorry everyone out there that drink is a red flag for me personally my trauma is that it looks exactly like sparkling water among other things. When she said “…relate to your loss because they lost a cat a few years back?” (I didn’t highlight the whole context) like I understand your point however fuck you. She got me back by saying “mom didn’t get better. But I will”.

What happened to the Coogan account? I think I watched her talk about it but I can’t remember what she said. My heart shattered when she talked about her first solo apartment.

[animalblog09]

The stagnation of online feminist spaces frustrates those who seek more meaningful action. While digital platforms are valuable for sharing ideas, feminists argue that true change requires collective, real world organizing. Without physical mobilization, there is a risk that feminist discourse remains performative rather than transformative. Marriage as a patriarchal institution historically binds women to men through legal and financial dependence. In divorce, property division and child custody often favor men, leaving women at a disadvantage. Feminists critique marriage for reinforcing gender inequality and trapping women in cycles of dependence. Men s responses to women s pain often reveal a deeper discomfort with the idea of vulnerability itself. The gates that supposedly regulate access to life-altering medical interventions are not as fortified as one might think, leaving some to wonder whether this is truly in the best interest of the patients, particularly those with unresolved trauma or other significant mental health challenges. The transactional nature of transgender healthcare raises ethical concerns. The ease with which some can access hormones or surgery, without deep psychological evaluation, reflects a healthcare system that often prioritizes efficiency over thoroughness. While access to healthcare is vital, the lack of comprehensive mental health screenings can leave individuals unprepared for the emotional and psychological challenges of transitioning, ultimately failing to offer truly holistic care. slim! Sex work within feminism is a contentious issue, with some feminists advocating for decriminalization and others arguing for the dismantling of the industry altogether. Radical feminists believe that true liberation for women lies in addressing the root causes of exploitation, such as poverty and patriarchy, rather than simply regulating the industry. The Gay Luigi over there looks like its about to mack right in The taco truck.

moid: Only a cringulant plengit would try to crimb in the S.S. Bootleg. Me: shimber told me to meet them at the spaghetti dimension, but I spreads peanut butter instead.

[aldefi1]

Feb 27. Starbuck, 241 pm, 6th Avenue between 57 and 58th St, spies very present, spy couple arrived after me and seats near me, I’m to the right wearing the headphones. Kissing spy couples, holding hands spies and hugging. This kind of harassment, as many other CIA operations are designed to be carried out before everyone’s eyes, anywhere, without anyone noticing a thing. Documentary: “Standard Operating Procedure”, 47 minutes, 41 seconds into the film, in this film you see a seemingly innocent act, a couple kissing, being performed in front of a prisoner, as the senior interrogator says, it has nothing to do with obtaining valuable information. Before I started to video record as much as I could, spy couples, kissing spy couples, holding hands spy couples, and hugging spies, would appear everywhere I went, even more than nowadays, specially, at the exit and near of an exit, of every business I’d visit. Also, at the corridor next to my apartment’s door, and at the building’s entrance or near by, these spy couples, also place themselves in easy to see places, such as corners, hence, when I bike, I’d not miss noticing them, many of them at the bikers’ lane walking towards me as I ride. As soon I started to video record, the numbers decreased slightly, they went down further, when I started to post these videos in the net, but as you can see, it keeps happening. Additionally, in eighty percent of the cases, this spy couple is followed by a single female. You might find this type of harassment as either innocuous, or non existing, as a “crazy person” imagining things, an act of aggression is very easy to discern, if someone punch you or push you. Therefore, what the spy network does, is to print in the mind of the victim, an inoffensive act, as an aggressive one, by repeating the specific action over, and over, and over, until the victim sees it, as an aggression. It is based on the “shell shock” syndrome, a person who return from war after being traumatized by very large explosions might find himself jumping at the slightest noise, if you do not know what happened to this person, you might think, “what is wrong with this guy?”, he is not well, he might be “nuts”. Hence, the spies by using this principle, pick up something harmless, let’s say, the orange color, thus, the orange color starts to appear wherever the victim/target goes, orange vehicles are parked near his home, persons wearing clothing items, such as hats, sneakers of that color, appearing everywhere, until he sees a carrot at a supermarket, and start trembling. One day, the victim cannot take it anymore, and does something stupid against someone, specially an old spy or a spy teenager, or anyone perceived by the public as part of a vulnerable group, wearing orange. The results is, the victim goes to jail and from there to a psychiatric institution, by using this method and dozens of others, specially those involving sex and financial related situations that might or might not be crimes, this network clear the path to place its people, in the press, and in positions of authority at every institution or company. This network operates in large scale, in every country, in lesser degree though, in those countries the “free” press qualifies as ruled by “evil” governments. This network is old, precede the CIA and the FBI by decades or longer. I started to video recording everything I could, for fear no one would believe me, if I didn’t do so, also for fear of being framed, and not having any means to back up my version. To be able to explain that things happened in a very different way that the spies want the public to see it.

[throughblueyseyes]

Exploring the Intersection of Pleasure: Sex Toys and Mental Health

In recent years, there has been a significant shift in society's perception of sexual pleasure and self-care. As discussions around mental health and well-being become more open and inclusive, sex toys as tools for self-discovery, empowerment, and improved mental health have gained traction. This article delves into the fascinating relationship between sex toys and mental health, exploring how these intimate devices can contribute to overall well-being.

The Mind-Body Connection

The mind-body connection is a powerful and intricate relationship that influences our health. When it comes to sexual well-being, this connection plays a crucial role. Using sex toys can enhance the mind's connection to the body, allowing individuals to explore their desires, overcome obstacles, and boost their self-esteem. The release of endorphins during sexual pleasure reduces stress and can alleviate symptoms of anxiety and depression.

Strengthening Relationships - Enhancing Intimacy and Communication

One significant aspect of mental health revolves around our interpersonal relationships. Sex toys can be valuable tools in strengthening intimacy between partners. They encourage open communication about desires and preferences, creating a space for trust and vulnerability. In turn, improved intimacy can enhance emotional well-being and satisfaction.

Self-Exploration and Empowerment - Taking Control of Your Pleasure

The journey to better mental health often involves self-discovery and self-empowerment. Sex toys can empower individuals to take control of their pleasure and explore their bodies without judgment. This increased self-awareness can boost self-confidence and promote a positive body image, which is essential to a healthy mindset.

Stress Reduction and Improved Sleep - Relaxation Through Pleasure

Stress is a common antagonist in our daily lives, and its effects on mental health can be profound. Engaging in sexual pleasure, with or without a partner, triggers the body's relaxation response, reducing stress levels. This natural stress relief can improve sleep quality, a critical factor in maintaining mental well-being.

Breaking Down Stigmas and Taboos - Promoting Sexual Positivity

Society's stigmatization of sex and sexuality has long been a barrier to open conversations about mental health and sexual well-being. Sex toys gradually break down these barriers, encouraging people to embrace their desires and enjoy sexual pleasure without shame. By promoting sexual positivity, we can create a more inclusive and accepting environment for discussions about mental health.

Sex Toys and Therapy: A Complementary Approach - Professional Guidance and Self-Exploration

While sex toys can offer numerous benefits for mental health, they are not a replacement for professional mental health care. However, they can complement therapy and counseling by allowing individuals to explore their desires and gain insights into their emotions and reactions. Some therapists even incorporate sex toys to help clients overcome specific challenges.

Choosing the Right Sex Toy - Personal Preferences and Comfort

Selecting a suitable sex toy is a highly individualized process. It's essential to consider personal preferences, comfort levels, and the desired experience when choosing a sex toy. Whether it's a vibrator, dildo, or other device, exploring options and seeking advice from trusted sources can lead to a more satisfying and mentally enriching experience. Visit the best sex toy store near you and find the proper product for your needs.

Overcoming Common Misconceptions - Myths and Realities

As the conversation around sex toys and mental health evolves, addressing common misconceptions is crucial. Some may believe that sex toys are only for those who are single or in unsatisfying relationships. These devices are for anyone interested in enhancing their sexual and mental well-being, regardless of relationship status. Dispelling these myths can encourage more individuals to explore their desires and improve their mental health.

The Role of Consent and Boundaries - Empowerment Through Consent

Consent and boundaries are essential aspects of any sexual encounter. Sex toys provide an opportunity to reinforce these principles, as they are entirely under the user's control. Setting and respecting personal boundaries with sex toys can positively impact overall mental health and foster healthier relationships.

[stromuprisahat]

Shadow and Bone- Chapter 8 (Leigh Bardugo)

Just how little sense makes “the other Grisha” disliking Genya? Why would Second Army- one big pile of hunted outcasts- hate the only Tailor we get to know?

“Because I’m the Queen’s pet. Because they don’t consider what I do valuable. A lot of reasons.”

Explains Genya herself. Her position at court isn’t her own doing more than any other Grisha’s position at other nobles’ households. The “value” of her work also isn’t something average Grisha would probably mind. We know there are talented Grisha, but also those, who can barely light a candle, yet we don’t see anyone bullying the weak ones, do we? It’s safe to assume neither of these “reasons” trully matter.

There’s actually very simple in-universe explanation- Alina’s limited POV. Her only friends are Little Palace-raised officer brats her age. Kids, who often grew up in Little Palace’s luxury, but didn’t get to see the front yet. Special enough to forget everyday animosity of the outside world and foster their own petty squabbles.

Marie flushed. “What are you, her maid?”

“Something like that,” Genya said, and walked off to pour herself a glass of tea.

“Far above herself,” said Nadia with a little sniff.

“Worse every day,” Marie agreed.

How common is ruthless slutshaming among teens?

“Where’s Genya?” I asked Marie as I sat down at the Summoners’ table.

“She eats at the Grand Palace.”

“And sleeps there,” added Nadia. “The Queen likes to make sure she’s always available.”

“So does the King.”

“Marie!” Nadia protested, but she was snickering.

I’m not saying adults are too smart for comments like this, but look at it from present-day POV- how common is unrequired “flirting”, stalking, any form of sexual assault? Who never experienced some icky situation? Little Palace is refuge for Grisha from everywhere, there will be sex slaves and other SA victims among them. There would be people, who’d hear the rumours and know.

Even born Ravkans aren’t off the hook yet. Grisha are generally attractive and in relatively vulnerable position. They’re gonna have some amount of protection as soldiers, they know self-defense for everyday situations, but they’re still viewed as something less, inferior. Do we really believe Genya is the only beautiful Grisha 'misused' by her masters? Her situation is particularly bad, but I doubt no one else experienced anything similar.

There’s strength in numbers, but how safe are Grisha stationed further from the capital or Fold or current front? What about those living in nobles’ houses? All you need is the right ratio of contempt, envy and superiority. You can slap a drunk peasant, but not ten. You can’t slap an aristocrat without repercussion. Transfer is a long-term solution for individuals, but it doesn’t solve the problem. The Darkling's power goes only so far and he’s not omnipresent. There’s a difference between “We don’t grill Grisha.”, and “We don’t let our hands wander.”. ((S)he asked for it!)

The uppity attitude without an ounce of sympathy for Genya paints a picture of girls green as grass, who never left safety of literal palace, where they don’t even have to pull their chairs, let alone deal with unwanted attention.

On third, fourth read I’ve noticed inconsitency regarding Second Army sitting order. In first description there’s four tables and various other places to sit. Later we’re told Grisha sit according their Orders. Three Orders.

Genya led me to the same domed room where we had gathered the previous afternoon for the processional. It wasn’t nearly as crowded today, but there was still a lively buzz of conversation. In the corners, Grisha clustered around samovars and lounged on divans, warming themselves by elaborately tiled ovens. Others breakfasted at the four long tables arranged in a square at the room’s center.

Continuity error, probably, but we can use it as another piece of puzzle. Cliques are something teenagers do a lot.

She led me to one of the long tables, and as we approached, two servants stepped forward to pull out chairs for us.

“We sit here, at the right hand of the Darkling,” said Marie, pride in her voice, gesturing down the length of the table where more Grisha in blue kefta sat. “The Corporalki sit there,” she said with a disdainful glance at the table opposite ours, where a glowering Sergei and a few other red-robed figures were eating breakfast.

It occurred to me that if we were at the right hand of the Darkling, the Corporalki were just as close to him on the left, but I didn’t mention that.

The Darkling’s table was empty, the only sign of his presence a large ebony chair.

People working closely together, who had been through some shit, whose lives depend on cooperation, are more likely to break the pattern. And I highly doubt the Darkling would encourage, or even enforce dividing Grisha into smaller, hostile groups. The Orders are about practicality for teaching, and formal occasions. Normal, casual dinner is better used for mingling and strengthening the bonds of Second Army as a whole.

When average Etherealnik teen cannot stand to sit next to Materialnik, how will they treat some weirdo, who’s none of that? Add some envy, because Grand Palace, “special” treatment and ROYALS!, look at it through eyes of someone immature enough not to be able to see past that, and Genya is just some useless, stuck up, bitchy whore.

Now, Genya might not have many friends among her peers, but she isn’t completely alone. There’s the nice cook from Grand Palace, there might be some allies among other servants (It has been pointed out the King made sure there are girls that have something to bond about with her.) and she has access to Little Palace gossip:

Genya maintained a steady stream of chatter during dinner, mostly about Grisha gossip.

~

Since none of the other Grisha knew that I’d had so much trouble summoning, they were all a little baffled by the change in me. I didn’t offer any explanations, and Genya let me in on some of the more hilarious rumors.

“Marie and Ivo were speculating that the Fjerdans had infected you with some disease.”

“I thought Grisha didn’t get sick.”

“Exactly!” she said. “That’s why it was so very sinister. But apparently the Darkling cured you by feeding you his own blood and an extract of diamonds.”

“That’s disgusting,” I said, laughing.

“Oh that’s nothing. Zoya actually tried to put it around that you were possessed.”

It could be what servants overheard and told her, but the simplest explanation is Genya has friends among Grisha. Just not from Alina’s social circles.

[callistolivia]

Asteroids Part 6; Sisterhood of Pallas Athena, Symbolism of the Asteroid Pallas Athene

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

The long overdue sixth part of my asteroid series is finally here. 

 The asteroid Pallas Athene is one of the more prominent asteroids covered in the astrological community thanks to Demetra George’s “Asteroids Goddesses; The Mythology, Psychology, and Astrology of the Re-emerging Feminine.” In this part, I will cover the asteroid’s symbolism and interpretation based on mythology, gathered research from authors such as Demetra George, and my own knowledge.

 The ancient Greek goddess Athena may have been synonymous with the Egyptian goddess Neith and possibly other earlier known goddesses. Throughout this asteroid series ( and just in general for my astrological interpretations) I’ve tried to peel back further from Greek origins and more toward Kemetic or Sumerian origins for a pure and truly ancient understanding of asteroids named after Greek deities. However, I’ve accepted that for Pallas Athene, the Greek mythologies derive important symbolism that just isn’t clearly depicted from what we know of Neith or other earlier goddesses synonymous with Athena.

The Mythologies of Athena

 Athena is the goddess of war and wisdom. She was revered by gods alike and those who worshipped her for her remarkable strength, courage, wit, and creativity. Her birth story begins with Zeus swallowing the titan Metis who was carrying the unborn Athena. After some time had passed, Zeus develops a headache that would only be cured by Hephaestus’ splitting open his skull. Out from Zeus’ skull Athena is born as a fully grown woman encompassing all of her remarkable traits. Athena was Zeus’ favourite child, for she was his creation; so purely in his image of goodness, power, and wisdom.  Like Vesta (or Hestia), she is a virgin goddess, she serves herself and is whole with herself. Though, she had a friend who she quite possibly could have been in love with and she did love; Pallas.

Athena and Pallas  Pallas was the daughter of Triton. She was equal to Athena in wisdom and the art of war. They were partners in battle and one day the gods were disputing which of the two goddesses were stronger. So the two goddesses sparred and Zeus interfered allowing Athena to have the upperhand. Unfortunately this ended up fatally wounding Pallas. Athena was so heartbroken that she added Pallas’ name to her own to honour her. While it is never mentioned in the myth between these two goddesses, I speculate the possibility that their relationship may have been more, possibly as lovers in war. In ancient Greek and Roman times, it was a known practice that soldiers would often become romantically involved with one of their peers, even if they had a partner back at home. This was because they believed you would fight better for someone you love, especially if it was to avenge the death of a lover. 

Athena and Medusa  While there are several interpretations of this particular myth, the one that I find significance with is the one that describes Athena aiding Medusa.   Medusa was said to once be a very beautiful woman who made a vow for herself to remain virginal. However, her beauty drew on the male gaze and she was preyed upon against her will. The ocean god Poseidon tried to have his way with Medusa, but Athena stepped in and transformed Medusa into an ugly creature with snakes for a head of hair, and anyone who looked into Medusa’s eyes would turn stone.   This myth often depicts Athena as jealous of Medusa’s beauty, but in truth, this would be extremely out of character for Athena who’s not concerned with how others perceive her, particularly men. Athena cloaks Medusa with ugliness as a defense– as a way to protect Medusa from unwanted attention. This myth parallels greatly with the internal struggle many people have, particularly women, with the threats and vulnerability that coincide with embracing beauty and femininity. 

Helper to Heroes  Athena often makes appearances in myths about a hero’s journey and aids the hero in some way. She often has some sort of valuable foresight or tool to give the hero. Mortals look to her for her strength, wit, and strategy.   The story with Medusa continues as Athena actually aids Perseus upon hearing he needs to take Medusa’s head. She gives him a reflective shield so he can see Medusa without looking into her eyes and turning to stone. Many of the common interpretations of this myth state that Athena hated Medusa which is why she was so willing to help Perseus on this quest. However, following the interpretation I mentioned where Athena turned Medusa into a gorgon for her protection, Athena would have been the only one to understand the circumstances of Medusa. In addition to this, in the myth itself Medusa plays more-so as a symbolic prop instead of a character. Particularly because Medusa as a gorgon is described as having snakes for hair– snakes in myths can (but not exclusively) symbolize treachery and bad spirits needing to be expelled. We see this in stories like Inanna and the Huluppu tree where people often confuse “lilītu” with the actual archetype or character Lilith; there was no Lilith in that story, just spirits needing to be expelled from a tree.

The Seer  Athena is often described by poets as being “grey-eyed” and there is symbolism behind this. According to Wikipedia the choice to describe her this way is quite deliberate; “In Homer's epic works, Athena's most common epithet is Glaukopis (γλαυκῶπις), which usually is translated as, "bright-eyed" or "with gleaming eyes". The word is a combination of glaukós (γλαυκός, meaning "gleaming, silvery", and later, "bluish-green" or "gray") and ṓps (ὤψ, "eye, face"). It is interesting to note that glaúx (γλαύξ, "little owl") is from the same root, presumably according to some, because of the bird's own distinctive eyes.” Athena is also often depicted as or with an owl which is all deliberate symbolism of her wisdom, keen perception, and foresight. There is a seer quality about Athena that is tuned into aiding justice and heroism.

Themes of the Asteroid Pallas Athene

Fear or repulsion of feminine expression in oneself

Deconstructing heteronormativity

Equality, democracy

Psychic vision, foresight

Companionship, sisterhood, brotherhood

Same-sex experiences, perceptions, and empathy

Creative vision

Justice

Intellectual power

Maternal absence

 Pallas Athene being an asteroid, only with prominence in the birth chart will her themes and the complexes arising out of those themes be noticeable. Otherwise, Pallas Athene in one’s birth chart demonstrates where one tends to have strategic foresight/vision, where one meets Pallas Athene-like characters, and where one is called to serve justice.

Aspects to Pallas Athene

Sun-Pallas Athene In hard aspects, such as a square or opposition, this contact can be quite troublesome and makes for complexes the individual will have to fight to overcome. The difficult aspects signify negative experiences with the paternal figure in their life which translates over into adulthood as having distrust in and difficulty with men. As most societies are patriarchal, these aspects tend to be harder for feminine identifying individuals. These individuals are keenly aware of the violence that can coincide with objectification, particularly the objectification of feminine expression. When this type’s innate identity is objectified, defences are put up and they reject and conceal their expression. Being viewed in a sexual nature in an unwarranted way kills the confidence in these individuals; it conflicts with how they view themselves as an entire being and their purpose. Being comfortable with one’s sexuality can be an issue in the more difficult aspects with this contact as well; there may be shame, repulsion, or rejection of one’s sexuality. To aid these complexes, therapy as well as companionship and empathy from people who share the same experiences or trauma is beneficial.   In positive aspects, such as a trine or sextile, we see the opposite of the crippling experiences in the negative ones. These individuals tend to be comfortable and even celebratory in either binary expression; they are often quite androgynous. They are also quite comfortable in their sexuality as well as they are firm believers in dismantling gender roles and heteronormativity. These individuals are fighters for people with Pallas Athene complexes and injustice in general. They have a tremendous amount of strength, empathy, and willingness to understand gendered, sexual, and political issues. These individuals can find their life’s purpose, fulfillment, and accomplishments through their intellectual creativity.  The conjunction brings out Pallas Athenian archetype within one’s character. These individuals will be very Pallas Athenian in that they will see within themselves the complexes that arise from both the positive and negative aspects. They often have quite a strong presence, cunning intellect, and the foresight vision.

Moon-Pallas Athene  In positive contacts, these aspects bring out the psychic nature of Pallas Athene– Pallas Athene’s foresight and the wisdom in part with that. These individuals are empaths and healers. In the positive aspects, this is Pallas Athene reconciled with the fact that she never knew her mother; in individuals, it is a deep connection with the maternal expression within them (through a Pallas Athenian lens) or a deep connection with the maternal figure in their life. The maternal figure in their life may have been very Pallas Athene-like or could have been a contributor to giving the individual the strength, wit, and wisdom that matches Pallas Athene’s archetype. Creative vision is evoked by emotional exploration  In negative aspects, such as the square or opposition, there can be an absence of a maternal figure. Just like Pallas Athena herself, this individual may have been raised by their father with their father’s interests on the forefront. As a result, feminine expression is often null or even despised or feared. These individuals may repress their emotions surrounding their own gender or sexuality issues. They can be quite defensive and unless the Sun has prominence in the chart, they can also disguise their expression and true identity. These individuals can be quite masculine, over-functioning, and independent; they fear depending on others and self incompetence. To aid these complexes, they need to surround themselves with people that can bring out the softer nature hiding within them; they need to see that being nurtured and loved does not diminish their strength and ability.  The conjunction brings out complexes that resemble both the positive and negative aspects, though the maternal figure is most often present like in the positive contacts. Psychic vision is very potent with the conjunction and there is an urge to serve justice with it.

Mercury-Pallas Athene  In positive aspects and the conjunction, we see individuals with immense creative intellect. These people are often leaders in the fields of science, art,  politics, and law. People look to these individuals for their ability to strategize and look at the whole picture. As Pallas Athene touches the planet of communication, these individuals will often have a powerful voice, especially for those who don’t and are in need of justice. They can make for great advocates for gender and sexuality issues.  In the negative aspects, such as the square or opposition, we see individuals who struggles to have a voice on gender and sexuality issues, or just in general. These people can find their voice by making connections with others who share similar issues and by being part of a group setting.

Venus-Pallas Athene  The Venus contacts to Pallas Athene can be quite similar to the Sun contacts in that the complexes surrounding feminine expression tend to be the same. In the negative aspects, such as the square or opposition, there is the same repulsion towards feminine expression in oneself. It stems from fears developed from observing a patriarchal society’s perception of women and sometimes trauma. There may even be internalized misogyny present as these individuals have a tendency to reject traits that could be perceived as feminine, as they equate femininity to weakness and incompetence. These individuals present themselves as tough, rigid, unlike the others, and often androgynous or hyper masculine. They fear being taken advantage of and avoid any sign of weakness at all costs. Their inability to let their guard down can hinder close relationships; these people often deny themselves of romantic connections and keep everyone at arm's length. To cope, these individuals will put all of their focus into creative outlets and put their accomplishments on a pedestal over relationships. To aid rigidity and to reconnect with feminine expression, these individuals need to surround themselves with strong figures who are very confident in their feminine expression; they need role models and will find strength in numbers (being part of a support system). Re-education may need to be involved in the healing process as well. Exploring further with where ever Venus is in the individual’s chart and honing in on Venusian activities can really benefit this individual’s self acceptance, inner beauty, and sexuality.  In the positive aspects, such as the trine or sextile, there is radiating confidence, beauty, strength, creativity and merging of masculine and feminine energies. In these aspects is where Aphrodite and Athena meet eye to eye. These individuals are often very comfortable in their sexual expression; they tend to be drawn to feminine energies. As Pallas Athene aspects tend to make for, these individuals also tend to be express themselves androgynously, but are comfortable with feminine expression. They are very celebratory over it, similar to the Sun aspects. These individuals tend to be quite independent, but definitely not closed off. There is often an urge to utilize their strength and confidence in advocating for women’s right and issues, and it should be encouraged as these individuals are often the perfect candidate to advocate on  these issues. These individuals possess some healing abilities as well and heal others through empathy. Empathy for same-sex experiences is a prominent theme for both the positive and negative aspects; the natural connectivity or alliance with one’s gender makes them feel protected and valid.   With the conjunction, many of the themes found in the Venus-Pallas Athene aspects are intensified. Pallas Athene is somewhat personified in the individual and there is a much more radical need to demonstrate their autonomy over how they choose to express themselves. Expressing themselves through creative means is often very important and almost always contains a very Pallas Athenian message.

Mars-Pallas Athene  In positive contacts, such as a trine or sextile, Mars emphasizes that accomplishments and success can be found through Pallas Athene. Individuals with these aspects make excellent leaders, people want to nominate this type of individual to be in control and make the decisions. These individuals have a lot of drive, strength, and prestige, as well as empathy and compassion that does not diminish those qualities. There’s a keen awareness for underdogs and an urge to aid those beneath them. In feminine identifying individuals, utilizing masculine traits yields success, and in masculine identifying individuals, utilizing feminine traits yields success. Strong, lifelong companionship with the opposite sex is a common theme with these aspects as well.   With negative aspects, such as a square or opposition, there can be intense strife with the opposite sex. Additionally, strife with one’s own gendered expression; either hyper masculine or hyper feminine to conceal one side of the binary. Much of the repulsion towards one specific expression is due to societal conditioning as well as upbringing; it’s a defense mechanism to protect themselves from being perceived as either too weak or too harsh. There can be a lot of anger within the negative aspects as well; it would be best to redirect this anger towards a cause, such as advocating for women’s rights, men’s mental health support, protecting children (particularly if the 5th house is involved), environmentalism, sexual freedom, religious freedom, and so on. Therapy and support groups can aid self resentment and resentment towards the opposite sex.   With the conjunction, Pallas Athene is personified in the individual when they are challenged or angry. They may be quite radical, independent, and domineering; they are always in charge. They despise being perceived as incompetent or submissive. Pallas Athene’s strategic and cunning qualities are apparent in the conjunction as well; these individuals are not people you can fool or surpass, especially when a goal is on the line.

Jupiter-Pallas Athene  In all Jupiter contacts, Pallas Athene’s psychic foresight is present. Individuals with these aspects are blessed with intuition and wisdom. They hold valuable advice and counsel to others as well as themselves. They tend to be respected by many; their companionships and kinships are their armies.  Particularly in the positive aspects and the conjunction, these individuals would do well in politics, law, and creative arts. Serving justice is particularly important to this asteroid when in contact with Jupiter. Symbolically Jupiter is Zeus, Athena’s father, who loved and praised Athena the most out of all of his children. This may translate as an individual who had a similar positive relationship with their father; a father who is particularly proud of the individual, who may also could have been quite Jupiter-like. It also signifies the urge to be the same type of parental figure to their own children.

Saturn-Pallas Athene  With positive aspects, such as a trine or sextile, there is creative focus and prestige. The hard work from these individuals doesn’t go unnoticed. Saturn amps up Pallas Athene’s urge to serve justice; there’s often feelings of responsibility over something as big as society. These individuals would do well in law, politics, or any position of leadership. Reconstruction of societal values is a common theme with these aspects. These individuals seek change for how society perceives gender expression, sexuality, and politics. On a different side of the same coin, these individuals may have a bit of rigidity within themselves when it comes to true self expression, particularly with expressing femininity. Though, the negative aspects are considerably more stark than the positive.  With negative aspects, such as the square or opposition, there is almost always issues with the paternal figure or one of the individual’s parental figures (particularly if one parent is a stern, overfunctioner). The individual may have had high expectations held against them at a young age or there may have been a preconceived notion from a parental figure that the individual is incompetent due to how the individual expresses themselves or based on the individual’s values. The individual will feel inadequate to their peers, especially to a specific sex. There is rigidity in their expression, as mentioned earlier. These individuals may overcompensate for gendered stereotypes inflicted upon them. These individuals need to redirect their purpose for themselves and not for others. Therapy may aid them in relearning that they are not put on this planet to meet someone else’s expectations. Once confidence is regained, they can reign the creative focus, prestige, and leadership qualities that the positive aspects signify.  The conjunction can demonstrate qualities from both the positive and negative aspects and is much more potent and noticeable out of all of the Saturn aspects.

Uranus-Pallas Athene  In all Uranus-Pallas Athene contacts, there is an urge to come together with people to make change. Here is where Athena builds her army and strategically conquers and destroys harmful constructs. The aspects with Uranus are all about world betterment, particularly with issues dealing with gender and sexuality.  In positive aspects and the conjunction, Pallas Athene’s geniusness is very apparent. Individuals with these aspects often find success in sciences or anything that utilizes creative intellect. 

Neptune-Pallas Athene  In all Neptune-Pallas Athene contacts, individuals can find access to psychic power and strong intuition. These individuals have dreams of prophecy and can see far into the future. These individuals also tend to have a knack for arts that require a lot of technicalities and vision such as music and film.   People with the conjunction may find their psychic powers to be particularly potent and these people are often very spiritually aligned. Their binary expression has special importance to their spirituality. Spiritual devotion is merged with their self expression; whether that be the type of spirituality they practice or perhaps a special relatability to specific deities or energies. 

Pluto-Pallas Athene  These aspects are most apparent when it’s the conjunction or accompanied with a personal planet. These aspects give an individual the urge to really explore the psychology behind Pallas Athene complexes. There is dedication to understanding difficult constructs, particularly gender, sexual, social, political constructs. This urge is accompanied with the desire to transform the world’s beliefs, similar to the Uranus aspects.    In negative contacts, these aspects can signify this urge stemming from a place of trauma and wanting to heal and rebuild the self. 

Pallas Athene conjunct or in the house of the Ascendant  Athena is personified in the individual. These are people of strength, prestige, wit, and beauty. They possess the creative vision this world needs. These people break societal norms through their self expression and defy gender and sexual stereotypes. 

Pallas Athene conjunct or in the house of the Imum Coeli  Here the asteroid is quite concealed as it is furthest away from the spotlight (midheaven) and squares the ascendant. These people tend to not outwardly express Pallas Athenian qualities unless certain aspects demonstrate otherwise. Pallas Athene’s psychic qualities are more awoken here as the individual identifies Pallas Athene inwardly.   There may be a very Pallas Athenian person in this individual’s family or they are somewhat of a Athena-archetype themselves to their family (most loved child, most outspoken, known for creative intellect, etc.)

Pallas Athene conjunct or in the house of the Descendent  These individuals encounter or even draw in many Pallas Athenian-like people. Either that because they are drawn to these types of people or their projection out into the world brings them about as a way of balancing the individual or teaching them something they don’t see within themselves. These individuals tend to have a particularly fondness (platonic, romantic, or sexual) to their own gender.

Pallas Athene conjunct or in the house of the Midheaven  Here the asteroid is furthest away from home (Imum Coeli) and squares the ascendant. These individuals may possess some of the complexes Pallas Athene signifies on gender and sexual expression. There may be maternal absence and there is almost always a hyperfixation on career and success over relationships. These individuals are often the leaders in their workplace, if not, they still walk to the beat of their own drum and tend to be well respected. They may confuse the respect they earn by how they express themselves rather than their actual accomplishments. This can cause some difficulty around being true to oneself in terms of self expression. They need to seperate who they are being a factor in what they can accomplish and be known for.

© - @star-astrology 2021 / All rights reserved.

[closhelby]

Black Hand.

Fandom: Peaky Blinders

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x Reader

Warnings: usual Peaky shit

Prompt: none bar the scene itself.

Word Count: 1,796.

Author note: wrote this three fucking times I’m at my wits end! Unsure to make this into a few parts.

——

Y/N woke again, at the crack of dawn, rolling over checking her watch, 5.36AM. This was the usual for her, since leaving Birmingham she could barely sleep past 6am, since the breakdown of her marriage.

It was Christmas morning, the first she was spending with only one of her two children. Charlie, y/n’s eldest son was spending his Christmas with his father this year, since splitting y/n and Tommy regularly had sex behind her boyfriends back, and then she fell pregnant, with her now two year old Harry. However, Tommy wasn’t aware of this child being his, and as far as everyone else was aware it was Roberts child.

Y/n rolled out of bed, and began to wash and get ready for the day ahead. She sat at her dressing table, thinking, as she did regularly, how it would’ve been if they didn’t spit. There was still very clearly tension there, sexual especially. Due to this, y/n cut all interaction with Tommy, whenever they needed to talk over Charlie, she would get nanny’s and maids to travel with him.

Just finishing her makeup, finishing her all off with a spritz of perfume and putting on her watch, which now shown it as 6.56am. Y/n went downstairs, starting to make herself a cup of tea when she was startled with the letterbox chattering as the postman put today’s Mail. She moved over to the door, bending over to pick up the letters, opening the first one to reveal a white card with a black hand on the front.

“Fuck!” Y/n’s heart started beating at a rapid rate, she knew that this meant kill or be killed. She needed to get her and Harry out of there ASAP. They weren’t far behind and they already knew where she lived. She ran back upstairs, grabbing overnight bags and stuffing them with her most valuable items and clothes she could possibly wear before doing the same for Harry. All while trying to be as quiet as she could because she didn’t want to wake Rob.

Y/n ran from the house to the car sat on the front drive, she didn’t even bother to ask a driver. She was going alone. Leaving alone. Without an explanation. Despite the severity of the situation, this was brewing for a long time. The current relationship was a cover up. Y/n accepted the fact that the only man she will ever love will remain Thomas Shelby, and she knew it would be the same for him. And I think that’s why they both didn’t file for a divorce.

Quickly packing the car with things she may need for herself and Harry, she ran back upstairs to collect the sleeping boy from his bed and placed him into the front seat of the car. He continued to sleep throughout the car ride, back to Small Heath. Y/n knew Tommy like the back of her hand, she knew that everyone that is associated with the Shelby name would have been dealt a black hand, and knew the only place they could possibly be safe would be in the polluted streets of Birmingham.

Turning the car onto Watery Lane, as all those childhood memory’s flooded back. From when she ran about with John as a kid, to when her and Ada would get into trouble together in her early teens, all the way to building a large profitable business with her husband, all came flooding to her. A rush of emotion, clearly visible on her face as the car came to a halt outside the once betting den. Y/n rarely had any emotion showing, only Tommy would see that in the many nights they spent alone, but that was the same for both of them. They acted tough to everyone else but vulnerable for each other. The bond they had, partners in crime, was admired, despite them both being gangsters.

Tommy was very clearly heartbroken from the downfall in their relationship, he also believed that y/n was the only woman for him in the long run. But the only way he felt that he could get over that was her under someone else. He turned to Lizzie on the regular, and as y/n still kept in contact with Ada, she knew about this. Y/n was very alike Tommy in this sense, if she needed to find something out, it would always come her way, weather she needed to look for it or not. Ultimately they shared a child together, technically two, but there was still so much love there between the both of them.

“Fucking hell,” y/n muttered before kicking in the door that stood before her. Her two year old son clutching to her chest, still fast asleep as she walked towards the family she still loved dearly. Pol loved her, loved her like her own, but they both had a similar trait, they never backed down. And sometimes like Tommy, they would argue for days on end.

Y/n stood before the table, where all but Tommy sat before her. She quickly scanned the room, noticing a blonde woman, she knew was Linda, but hadn’t met was looking at her with a very foul face on her. Ada on the other hand was smiling, excited to see her best friend after years of being away. Tommy standing to her left, eyes wide wondering why his wife was stood before him, in small Heath, with a young child in her hand.

Pol broke the silence first, “What the fuck are you doing here? Tommy tell ya?”

“No however, since you know, I find out absolutely anything I need to,” y/n spoke directing a foul look to Lizzie who was stood over in the corner, “I have also been dealt a black hand.”

There was a mutter of fuck sakes throughout the room, as they realised this was a bit more real than before. Tommy then started to talk about the issue at hand.

“Why are you starting when Johns not here?”

The room fell cold, distant and all eyes were trying to avoid hers. But Tommy wasn’t, he didn’t avoid her gaze as y/n turned to look at him. He very rarely lied to her, he simply couldn’t get away with it if anything, y/n found out everything.

“Fucking ‘ell Tommy, tell me!”

“John was killed this morning, on his front door step infront of his wife.”

Tears started to form in the once emotionless woman, the room felt as though it was caving in on them. Her legs felt heavy, like she could collapse to the ground at any moment, but her head felt light. She quickly muttered to Tommy, handing the baby over, stumbling back to process what she had just been told. John was before all this, they were best friends since they were about 4. They went all throughout school together, and because y/n dad had passed before he could walk her down the isle, John did.

“Those fuckin’ bastards! Christmas Day! Im going to fucking kill them myself,” y/n screamed in frustration.

“She won’t cope well with this,” Ada spoke quietly enough that the table could hear but y/n couldn’t. Ada approached her, giving her a soft cuddle of comfort. Y/n didn’t cry, she didn’t cry infront of anyone. But she was very close today.

She composed herself, breathing out before standing up, “why did I have to marry into this shit?”

“Why haven’t you divorced him?”

Ada knew the answer, she always had.

They both moved back over to the table, Ada returning to her seat while y/n stood by Tommy’s side. He still stood there holding his own child, without the knowledge of it. He continued to speak about the issues they were currently facing with Luca Changretta, but y/n wasn’t even listening to what he was saying, simply zoning out to how weird her life was. She’s looking at the love of her life while they’re no longer together, holding their second son that he has no clue about.

“Y/n?”

Her head quickly shot up following the direction of the voice. Arthur.

“Hm?”

“Peace or truce?” Tommy spoke.

“Peace”

“Very well. Six peace, two truce.” He quickly handed Harry back over to y/n before heading back upstairs. The group got up and left to do their own thing, while Ada sat at the table waiting for the catch up that was well needed between them both.

“Two seconds, I’m just gonna put Harry up to bed.” Ada nodded in response as y/n made her way upstairs to put Harry to bed. She opened the door to find Charlie sleeping in the small bed, leaning over to put Harry at the back of him, giving both of them a peck on the cheek before turning to see Tommy in the door way.

“Your new boyfriend is the dad? But your not married to him?”

“No I’m not married to him.”

“So you had a child out of wedlock?”

She sighed. She wasn’t going to lie to him anymore, there was enough damage and if she knew she would have to spend the next few months living with him, she needed to get it out there as soon as possible.

“No, I’m married.”

“yes, to me.”

Y/n walked over to him, pulling him into the room and closing the door behind him, aware of the fact this house was full. He took a seat on the small chair in the corner, while y/n stood slightly back from him.

“Remember that last fuck we had. Before I refused to see you.”

He nodded.

“I refused to see you because I was pregnant, and I knew it was yours.”

“Fuck sake y/n.” Tommy spoke, running his hands through his hair.

The room then went silent. The two of them not knowing what to say next, for the first time in years they were speechless.

Y/n decided to break it, “He knows. Rob knows he’s not his, he can see it, but it’s never been mentioned. Harry also knows who you are, I’ve shown him pictures of you that I have.”

Tommy stood up abruptly, making his way over to her. His hands wrapped round her waist as he pulled her closer to him. Y/n was looking, and clearly getting lost in his blue eyes. Tommy leaned in to her, their lips meeting softly,y/n began to kiss back. The feeling this was what they both had longed for. Both of them having sex with others that meant absolutely nothing to them. The bedroom door swings open to reveal Finn stood there, his mouth hung wide.

“A - Ada’s wondering where you are?”

Y/n smiled before pulling out the embrace, muttered a thanks then proceeded to go downstairs. She turns round as she’s on the third stair down, “don’t say a thing Finn,”

[sluttbuttsstuff]

Silver Chariot Agency: An Introduction

This is the first chapter/prologue to my jjba sugar daddy au.  To clarify, it’s modern day, with reader x various Jojo characters, all of which are of age, and “sugar daddies”.  I’m hoping to have several options/outcomes for various characters, kind of like a chose you own adventure story, or a dating visual novel.  As a note, this story may contain some dark themes and content, including drug use, yandere, sex scenes, and other things I haven’t currently planned out.

TLDR: this is the story about Y/N, who starts working at Polnareff’s sugar daddy agency and meets lots of hot jojo guys

ENJOY!!!

“Mr. Polnareff is ready to see you now!”  The cheerful secretary (Suzy, you think)  calls out, breaking you from your stupor and ushering you behind large, intimidating doors.   You grew up with dreams bigger than this, having a good career, doing something important with your life, but life had other plans.  You’ve been unemployed for nearly a year, and despite all the classes you’ve taken, interviews you’ve aced, and concessions to pay and pride just to be considered, you still had no job, and your unemployment had finally run out.  Long story short, you were desperate.  That’s when you first heard about the Agency.

You had noticed an email from the Silver Chariot Agency buried between job applications and rejection letters, and confusing it for a job offer, had opened it to read.  According to the email, you had been “scouted” as someone with the qualifications to apply for what appeared to be a Sugar Daddy, or Escort, service.    The email was polite, open and honest, but you couldn’t help but be a bit skeptical, if not mildly offended. There’s nothing wrong with sex work, mind you, but it wasn’t something you had any interest in if you could avoid it. You weren’t interested in selling yourself, and even if you weren’t wealthy, you weren’t ready to auction off your time to creepy old perverts just yet.  Not to mention, how safe were these agencies?  Still, the email had an open doors policy for any questions, as well as a phone number and email to direct all your questions.  You were going to delete the email, but somehow you couldn’t bring yourself to.  You saved it in your folder, and forgot about it for a few months.

Cut to today:  you couldn’t cover your rent, your auto bill, and your credit cards were maxed out.  After sending an email, and talking on the phone to a cheerful woman, she convinced you to visit their offices and talk to their C.E.O,  who was visiting your nearest location on business.  Surprised by their openness, and relieved not to have a door slammed in your face for once, you made an appointment and were now following Suzy through an impressive office space.  Silver Chariot had its own expensive looking building, with high ceilings, metal tones and spotlessly clean wall to wall windows and mirrors.  The place reeked of elegance, intimidatingly so, and you regretted your outfit choice for this interview.  

Suzy finally escorted you into a conference room, with an expansive metal table and tufted leather chairs that probably cost more than your car.  Then, at the end of the conference table, you saw a silver haired gentleman, who Suzy introduced as, “Mr. Polnareff, this is y/n, call me if you need anything!”  and with that, she left and closed the door.  You noticed  Mr.Polnareff didn’t stand up to greet you and shake your hand-not out of rudeness, but because he was in a wheelchair.  On top of that, he had an unusual looking eye patch, and despite clearly being too young to be considered elderly, had prematurely grey hair slicked back in an unusual pompadour.

He shook your hand firmly, and smiled at you as he greeted you, “It’s so lovely to meet you, y/n, I've been looking forward to seeing you in person.  Tell me, what brings you here today?”  He asked, sitting forward and listening intently.  You fiddled with your hands, trying to politely, but vaguely, explain your situation, without sounding too much like a sob story.  Polnareff listened without interrupting, merely nodding, as you explained what you’ve been through.

  “That sounds like a difficult situation- it is difficult in this day and age for young people to support themselves, even more so when they have no one to help them when needed.  I, myself, had to support not only myself, but my younger sister, Cherie, when I was your age.  It was difficult, to say the least, and I didn’t always handle it gracefully to be honest with you.  When my sister saw how much we were struggling, she decided to try helping herself and me by turning to sex work.”

You were shocked by his openness, telling so much of his personal story to a total stranger interviewing at his agency.  He continued,

“Back in my day, the streets of France were not a safe place to sex workers, least of all vulnerable women unable to defend themselves.  It was one of those nights, while my sister was working, that she was tragically attacked and killed.  She had no way of protecting herself, as I wasn’t with her, and the police were just as dangerous.  She died alone because no one was willing to help save her, myself included.  He paused, rubbing his temples as he remembered.

You tried to stop him, “Um, you don’t have to-”  you began, but he held up a hand and assured you,

 “I am fine, it is a painful, but old wound, and important you hear.  It was the most devastating event of my life, but it shaped me into the man I am today.  You see, because of what happened to my sister, I was determined to provide a safe place to any and all women and sex workers, no questions asked, to protect them from things that could happen to them.  Sex work is not something to be criminalized or judged; it is the oldest profession and a valuable work. So, The Silver Chariot Agency provides a safe way to support those in the industry.  That being said, working as an escort, or as it's sometimes called, ‘sugar baby’-”

 he punctuates the term with bunny ear fingers, “-Can be dangerous work.  There is always a risk of assault, and rape, however hard we may try to combat it, but our agency has extremely strict policies and protection plans to protect our workers in either case. I promise , should you decide to work here, that I will do everything in my power to keep you safe.”  Polnareff grabs your hand, looking into your eyes, intensely.  

You know you’ve just met him, but you’re inclined to believe Polnareff.  He’s either an excellent liar, or simply cares deeply about his company and employees.  

“There are, of course, other things to consider before you decide to take this job.  It is  a job, and many of our clients aren’t looking for romance, but some are hoping to find love and a potential romantic partner via our agency.  Some are looking for purely sexual relationships, and some want nothing to do with sex.  Some of our clients are involved with...less than legal hobbies and activities, and we strongly caution you not to get involved, as our legal department and contracts can only protect you so far.  If you decide to engage, do so with caution. 

“ Lastly, you ultimately get to decide who you want to pick as your clients, so choose wisely.  I have Suzy-”  He gestures to the woman, presumably waiting down the hall to escort you when ready, “Write up summaries and information on every applicant who have expressed an interest in our agency.  Make sure to carefully review them, and choose the client you think will have the best relationship.”  He finishes, giving you a lot to think of.  He can see the gears turn in your mind, and gives you time.  ���Please, don’t feel like you have to respond today. Or, if you try this out and don’t like it, you can leave the agency or specific clients, with no fear of repercussions.”  He Pulls away from the table, and turns towards the door, before pausing.

He seems to change his mind, shaking his head as Suzy gets the door for him.

“I look forward to seeing you again, regardless of your decision, mon amie.  I’ll let Suzy handle the rest for today, thank you.  If you decide to accept, just call Suzy and ask her to see some client applications to pick out who you’d like to work with. Au revoir.”  And with that, Mr. Polnareff disappears with surprising speed.  Any other questions and details are handled by Suzy, who cheerfully tells you about the position, average salaries, tax information, and your typical FAQ.  You listen mutely, occasionally nodding along,  but you’re still thinking about everything Polnareff told you.  You could not only support yourself with this  job, but make a killing, while still being safe and having a say in the relationships.  This could work. This could work…

Less than 24 hours later, Suzy gets another phone call at the office.  “Silver Chariot Agency, this is Suzy, how may I assist you today?”  She asks cheerily.  A familiar voice whispers on the other end, “Do you think I could see some of those client Applications, please?”

[crystalsenergy]

Saturn bad aspected

(Square, opposite, and in some cases, conjunction)

🪐⏳

Ascendant/Saturn: very critical self-image, with a lot of weight on what you think of yourself and also what others will think of you. you may have difficulty allowing others to see who you trully are. you create a persona dissociated from what you're and present it to the world as if it were a part of yourself, going against your true personality. also, difficulties in seeing who you really are, and therefore, you are unable to present your “business card” to others as something that actually has to do with yourself.

Sun/Saturn: low self-esteem, lack of what naturally the sun must give to us, the desire to shine, believe that you can do this. lack of confidence in your potential and ability to express yourself and to be someone who has something valuable to be presented to the world. you don't believe that you can be a protagonist in the world. you may have a distorted sense of identity. in order to ensure that no one will see this fragility in your ego (sense of self, something ruled by the Sun), you will close yourself off. and when someone touches in your wounds of your fragile ego, you'll be defensive.

Moon/Saturn: you’re afraid of being emotionally exposed, of let yourself to be vulnerable. in order to guarantee this, you lock yourself in a protection tower, protecting yourself and looking like someone rigid and closed. but deep down all you want is to be nurtured. however, you believe that it will never come.

Mercury/Saturn: a lot of self-censorship. you think too much before speaking and not in a good way. lack of confidence in your intellect, intelligence, thoughts, more difficult to put out what you think, you think before and after speaking. you criticize yourself and put defects in what you said. self-critical and someone who believes that you dont have the same ability to communicate and express yourself as other people. basically, you believe you are someone dumb.

Venus/Saturn: more fearful and / or very demanding way of loving. love doesnt flow naturally, as the person tends to withdraw and not believe that it should be this time. deep down, you have an intense insecurity with love: will I be truly loved? won't I be betrayed? traumas that have already occurred in life can intensify this. fear of never being loved, and for that reason you close yourself and you never manage to surrender without fear when the love appears in your life.

Mars/Saturn: energy that has difficulties to leave the person in a natural and fluid way, the person has difficulties to feel and insert energy into things. to understand better, just think about the differences of the two planets. one rules cooler, calculating and planner signs (Saturn, that rules Capricorn and Aquarius), another rules hotter and more intense signs, of letting go with what they feel and believe based in the level of emotion / energy (Mars, that rules Aries and Scorpio). one is slow, the other is fast. here, there is a direct conflict. Mars will have a lot of blockage in the person's life, which means difficulties to put energy out, to take action, assertiveness and decision making will be very slow and complicated, energy and libido or simply having self-confidence in sexuality / sex matters it can be very difficult too. it can generate guilt and a feeling of being someone impotent and very passive for you and for life.

Jupiter/Saturn: feeling that you arent very lucky, being very pessimistic, not very expansive, a person closed to different philosophies of life and to things of deeper knowledge.

Uranus/Saturn: difficulty in having more freedom and openness, either with yourself with life, or with life with you. more pragmatic, conservative and closed, quite opposite to what Uranus usually is. less tendency to innovation, originality. more fixed and traditional thoughts and attitudes, such as Saturn.

Neptune/Saturn: problems with unconscious matters, more difficulties in dealing well with Neptunian matters, in how to escape from reality. you can live trying to fill emptiness in the wrong things, and at the same time you can be very closed psychologically, hiding your problems. you can have many psychological problems. problems with more mystical expressions and subjects, blocks with arts, music, empathy and any unconscious subject.

and, finally, it all refers to the shadow in the sense that they are things that exist in the person's mind, but that the person avoids getting in touch because it hurts and brings up vulnerabilities. or, yet, it's something that she/he learned to admit that she/he owns, and that she;/he learned to expose to the world, but that she/he knows that hurts, bothers, it’s an aspect of vulnerability, fragility. soon, there is a search to hide this. exactly what the shadow means to human beings.

[loki-hargreeves]

Kylo Ren x Reader [SMUT] - On The Throne

Warnings: filthy smut [!!18+!!] it’s definitely a bit on the darker side, force choking, oral sex (m!receiving), riding, size!kink, dirty talk, over-stimulation, bruising, crying (just from pleasure, love), cock-warming Word Count: 4,4K Summary: Supreme Leader Kylo Ren wants to see you in the throne room. You suspect that he is going to punish you for your mistake, or worse, that he thinks you’re a spy. Your suspicions aren’t so far off, though you get a punishment you had previously only dreamt of. Author’s Note: I was thirsty, so this happened. Please enjoy! <3

THIRD POV

“Commander Y/N,” A robotic voice pulled Y/N out of her thoughts. She had been working on her station, deep in thought, as a squad of Stormtroopers had approached her. The moment she heard her title and name, she put her work on pause and turned to face the troopers. Whenever she had six Stormtroopers by her side, it meant something serious was going on and she didn’t dare disrespect them by making them wait.

“Yes?”

“Supreme leader Kylo Ren wants to see you in the throne room. Now.”

Supreme leader Kylo Ren

Hearing his name phrased like that made her heart leap to her throat. Ever since Kylo Ren had become the supreme leader, things had changed in the final order. The dark Prince was even more stern and determined than before, which many had thought was impossible. He was angry, yes, but there was something incredibly hot about it. Y/N knew it was shameful, but she liked it – a lot. She wondered what Kylo wanted to see her about. Moments later, she realized what it must’ve been about, and she frowned.

“Of course,” Y/N muttered and left her station, walking between the Stormtroopers. They were all armed and they seemed to keep an eye on her, almost as if they had a reason to watch out for her. Their odd behavior made her feel even more nervous about this meeting. It couldn’t have been good if she was escorted in the throne room like a criminal. “What is this about?” Y/N tried to make small talk with the Stormtroopers to ease her nerves. After all, she was a commander. It would be disrespectful of them to blatantly ignore her words.

To her surprise, none of them replied to her. She didn’t know why, but she didn’t like it. Someone must’ve painted red over her name. The very people that would listen to her words without doubt were now treating her like she had disgraced the entire order.

They arrived behind the large doors that led to the throne room. By now, Y/N felt warm underneath her uniform. Her nerves were like daggers twisting underneath her skin. If Kylo Ren had any reason to doubt her loyalty, he would surely kill her.

The guards opened the door and revealed a large, red hall. In the middle of it was the iron throne and of course, the supreme leader. Kylo Ren sat on the throne comfortable as the knights of Ren stood around him protectively. All eyes were on Y/N as she was gently pushed forward to walk even closer to Ren, who looked at her with a piercing gaze, making her feel vulnerable. They kept eye-contact even when she sunk down on her knee, kneeling before her Supreme leader.

The Stormtroopers didn’t enter the room. Instead, they stayed in the corridor as the doors were closed, leaving Y/N’s back. She felt scared, even though she knew she hadn’t done anything too bad. Only a mistake during their latest mission which eventually cost them valuable information, but it wasn’t entirely her fault either. Nothing that should get her into serious trouble.

Then again, Kylo Ren was unpredictable.

“Commander,” Kylo finally broke the silence, never tearing his dark brown eyes from her skin. His voice echoed lightly in the room. He could sense how nervous she was. It was almost ridiculous. “Do you know why I called you here?”

Did he have any idea what he was doing to her? Y/N didn’t like to admit it, but when he spoke with such authority, it did things to her body. It was stupid, but she liked it a little too much. “I suspect it’s about my miscalculation during the latest mission, sir.”

“Well yes, that too,” Kylo shrugged, almost taunting her by now. That too? What did he mean by that? Did he make her that nervous on purpose? Did he enjoy seeing how she was shaking within her own skin?

Y/N raised her gaze from the floor, and she narrowed her eyebrows, confusion spreading on her face. “What do you mean, sir?”

The knights of Ren were dead silent. It was almost creepy how they stood there, watching, without making a sound. It only added to the intensity of the situation.

“As you know, we have a spy among us,” Kylo got to the point.

He couldn’t seriously imply that she was the spy. Y/N had been exceptionally loyal to him, even when many others in the order doubted him. She didn’t understand how anyone could possibly doubt her.

Kylo continued, “and your little ‘mistake’ was useful to the rebels. It almost looks like you did it to help them escape.”

Y/N’s cheeks were burning from embarrassment and she wanted to hide her face, but that would surely look suspicious. Yes, the mistake wasn’t anything to be proud of, but it was humiliating to be accused of helping the enemy. “Sir, I’m truly sorry for my wrongdoings, but I assure you, I am not the spy you’re looking for!”

“That’s exactly what a spy would say,” Kylo sighed. He sounded bored, but then again, his voice was always blunt and emotionless. It could mean anything, and it surely stressed her out further. What was she supposed to say?

Tears stung the corners of her eyes. Y/N was good at holding them back, but the sting was there whenever she was under immense pressure. By gritting her teeth together, she regained her composure. She needed to prove her innocence, one way or another. “How can I prove your doubts otherwise?” Y/N wanted to know.

Kylo knew it wasn’t her. He felt that she was genuinely afraid of the false accusations, but it didn’t mean he couldn’t drag it out a little longer. He liked her presence. He wanted to see how far she was ready to go to prove she was innocent. “What are you willing to do?” Kylo wondered.

His question made her eyes widen slightly. Kylo noticed the change in her expression and he almost smirked as he realized where her mind went. Dirty girl…

“I’ll do anything, sir. I can even hunt for the spy! Just give me a chance, I’ll prove you wrong, s-sir!” She offered seriously. Kylo looked at her frightened expression and he knew if he cared more, he would’ve felt sorry for her. But he knew she was more than just afraid. She was much naughtier than he thought and now that Kylo knew, he couldn’t simply forget about it.

All of a sudden, Kylo Ren tilted his head, looking at one of the knights, Ushar, and he nodded. Just like that, the Knights stood up straight and marched towards the entrance, leaving the Supreme leader alone with the commander. Their heavy steps echoed in the hall and disappeared as the doors were shut once again. Somehow, it made Y/N even more afraid. Was this it? Was Kylo Ren going to kill her? She wished it wasn’t that severe, but she felt a punishment coming. She also felt a knot forming in her stomach which she hated. Why did the situation turn her on? She was risking losing it all!

“I know you’re not the spy, commander. But I can not excuse your ‘miscalculation’. I’d say it’s your greatest mistake by far,” Kylo revealed the truth to her and even though he was speaking to her in a dismissive tone, it made relief wash across her entire being. Thank stars, she thought.

“I’m so sorry, sir. I’ll make up for it, I promise!”

“Oh, I’m sure you will,” Kylo said smoothly, sending shivers down her spine. Even when he spoke with such a monotone voice, it became clear that there was a sexual undertone to his words. They made Y/N feel vulnerable before him, as if he somehow knew about her darkest desires. “Come closer,” Kylo demanded her.

Y/N couldn’t believe what was going on. Truly, she didn’t know what was happening, but her heart was racing. It was only her and the supreme leader in the rich hall. He sat upon his throne and looked down on her which made her feel dirty. Slowly, she stood up from the polished floor and walked towards Ren, unsure how close he wanted her. With every step she took, the more nervous she became. Her heart was pounding in her chest and the heat between her legs grew worse.

She waited for him to tell her to stop when she neared the steps to the throne – but he didn’t. “Am I close enough?” Y/N dared to ask him. She noticed how much quieter her voice was now that it was only them and they were only a few feet away from each other. Surely, he could hear her heartbeat by now.

Kylo extended his arm and all of a sudden, Y/N felt an invisible grip around her throat, cutting her airways. Her eyes widened with fear and her hands reached her throat, trying to grab the force that was choking her which obviously didn’t work. Her feet let go of the ground and the force made her entire body levitate in front of the supreme leader. Her legs went numb from fright as Kylo pulled her body closer until his physical hand was around her delicate neck. Once he was the one holding her, he lifted the force which allowed her to breathe – which she did. Her feet rested on the highest step and she stood right in front of him. “Now you’re close enough.”

What was happening?! Y/N’s mind ran in circles as she stood there with Kylo Ren’s gloved hand wrapped around her neck. She didn’t even fight it. In fact, what had just happened made her stomach clench from lust. Gosh, Kylo Ren knew. There was no way he was oblivious to how horny she was because of him.

“You have an awfully dirty mind, Y/N,” Kylo referred to her by her name. It gave an illusion of the moment being even more intimate than it already was. If anyone was there to see them, surely the entire order would talk about it. She was ashamed as she heard that, but she was also excited. By now, Y/N wanted him so bad that she couldn’t possibly give into her shame fully.

“What are you going to do about it, sir?” Y/N wondered, somehow daring to ask him that. She didn’t know where the boost of confidence came from, but she liked it. And so did Kylo.

He gripped her neck tighter and pushed her down, so she fell on her knees by him. Then his hand travelled to her hair, pulling it out from the bun so he could grab her tighter. From that angle, Y/N suddenly noticed a bulge hiding underneath his black robes. Holy fuck, she thought as her eyes froze to stare at Kylo Ren’s huge bulge. Knowing exactly where this was headed blew Y/N’s mind away. It felt like she was on cloud nine and her mouth began to water at the thought of tasting Kylo. It was so wrong, so unprofessional but it excited her more than anything ever before.

“Show me just how sorry you are,” Kylo encouraged her to touch him. By now, he was almost in pain because of how hard he was. It had been a while since he had taken care of his feral needs. His eyes had been on Y/N for a while and he had wanted her for a long time now. It was finally happening and surely, it would ease him from the stress he carried.

“With pleasure, sir,” Y/N’s eyes darkened with lust as her hands immediately began to tear his clothes away from around his cock. Seeing how excited she was to suck his cock made Kylo smirk a little bit. She really was desperate, wasn’t she? Finally, she had pushed his robes and pants aside, revealing his huge cock that was pulsing with need. Pre-cum was leaking from his tip and he could hardly sit there and wait. Luckily, Y/N didn’t waste much time as she finally grabbed his shaft and brought his red tip to her lips. The moment her lips closed around his tip, Kylo’s grip on her tightened and he let out a low, animalistic growl.

Encouraged further by his reaction, Y/N pulled her lips away for a moment. She pressed her tongue at the base of his cock and followed a prominent vein as she licked up his length, until she reached his tip again. Before she took him into her mouth again, she spat on his cock and ran her hand up and down his shaft, feeling how his cock hardened even more under her touch. She felt every pulsing vein and ridge underneath her hands. As she worked on his huge shaft with both her hands, she took his tip into her mouth again and tasted his salty pre-cum on her tongue. Kylo was huge, easily the biggest cock she had ever seen before. Just the thought of feeling him inside her made her wetter and even more happy to suck him off. This was definitely not what she had expected, but she wasn’t complaining.

“That’s it,” Kylo grunted as “good girl, sucking my cock like a slut,” Kylo snarled dirtily. His words did magic on her. Y/N almost moaned as she heard that. Something about the way he spoke to her turned her on furthermore. She wanted to be his good girl, his little slut. His.

Y/N took more of him into her mouth, bobbing her head up and down while looking directly into his darkened eyes. She hollowed her cheeks around him and made Kylo’s muscles tense. He pushed his hips up to push himself deeper into her throat, making her moan around his cock. If she kept that up for much longer, he knew he’d cum soon. As tempting as it sounded, he didn’t want to cum just yet. He wanted to spill his seed deep inside her walls instead.

Kylo pulled her head away from his cock, stopping her before he could come. Without saying a word, Y/N knew what was about to happen. The look in Kylo’s eyes said it all. Almost instinctively, she knew what to do. Kylo let go of her hair as she stood up, her hands working on unbuttoning the buttons of her uniform jacket.

As she undressed herself right in front of him, Kylo slowly jerked himself and kept his gaze on her body. He knew she looked amazing and that her figure was astonishing but seeing her naked was different – even better. Her clothes scattered on the floor and eventually she stood before him in her underwear only. She unclasped her bra and let it fall somewhere on the floor, revealing her perked nipples to Kylo. She loved how nude she felt in front of him, physically and emotionally. It’s like there wasn’t an aspect of her Kylo couldn’t stare right into and she loved that feeling.

“Fuck,” Kylo cursed underneath his breath. He couldn’t take the strip tease anymore. Instead of waiting for her to get rid of her black underwear, Kylo let go of his achingly hard cock and grabbed her underwear. He tore the thin material down her legs and then grabbed her hips, harshly pulling her body on his lap. Y/N lost her balance as Kylo pulled her so forcefully, so she had to grab his shoulders for support. His grip would surely leave bruises on her skin, but she didn’t mind that at all.

Her pussy was dripping wet and throbbing in sync with her pulse. She was more than ready to be fucked mercilessly, but nothing could have possibly prepared her for the monstrous size of Kylo’s cock. He pushed his tip inside her and then pulled her body down so he could sink deep inside her soft warm walls.

“Fuck- Kylo!” Y/N whined in pleasure and pain as his cock spread her walls like never before. By now, she was so enthralled by the pleasure that she completely forgot how to address him correctly and frankly, she didn’t care. She sank down on his cock and by the time she sat on his lap, it felt like he could easily tear her apart. If Kylo didn’t have such a death gaze on her, silently reminding her that he was in control, she would’ve rubbed her pulsing clit to ease some of the pain. They had barely gotten started and she was panting.

“So beautiful, all mine,” Kylo murmured deeply as he ran his hand down her neck, his fingers pressing over her pulse. She bit her lip as Kylo wrapped his hand around her throat again and pressed lightly, enough to make it harder to breathe but not impossible. His other hand held her waist tightly, keeping her pressed down on his cock. Her tits were right in front of his face, which gave him an idea. As she began to ride his enormous cock, Kylo slid his hand up her waist until he cupped her breast. It didn’t take long until his skilled fingers pinched her nipple painfully, making her moan loudly as she rode his cock. It was the most beautiful sound he had heard in a long time and he wanted to hear more. He wanted her to scream in pain and pleasure as his cock pierced her body.

“You’re so big!” Y/N whimpered in a haze. She felt like she was dreaming. Her walls hugged his cock so tightly and it felt amazing. Every roll of her hips made her whimper and moan.

“You’ve been such a bad girl. You know I could punish you in a much worse way for what you’ve done…” Kylo growled, reminding her of why she got herself in this situation. Not that it mattered, she seemed to enjoy it a lot, almost too much to be considered a punishment.

Y/N knew she should’ve been ashamed, but in that moment, it made her happy she had done that. If she hadn’t, she doubted she would’ve ended dup riding her Supreme leader’s massive cock on the throne itself. Nevertheless, she played along “I’m sorry I’ve been so b-bad…so sorry!”

Kylo squeezed around her neck and pulled her face right next to his. For a moment, he choked her so she couldn’t breathe, just long enough so he could whisper, “say it like you mean it, you little whore!” and then he eased his grip which made her gasp. He wasn’t playing around.

Y/N rolled her hips on his cock faster and rested her head in the crook of his neck. Kylo was wearing his robes and he must’ve been warm. She could smell his cologne through his clothes, and she felt the heat radiating from his body. It was driving her wild. “I’m so s-sorry! I promise I won’t let anything like it happen e-ever…again, ah!” Y/N tried to apologize between her moans.

Kylo bucked his hips to meet hers which made it much harder for her to speak. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head as Kylo grabbed her hips with both hands and began to pound into her wetness. her breath got lost for a moment as the sudden force intensified the pleasure and pain she felt. Kylo felt how her walls squeezed around him tighter, revealing that she was close. He wasn’t done with her yet; she was going to be sorry.

Kylo pressed two of his fingers on her pulsing clit, pressing down harshly which made her body jolt in surprise. Without warning, he began to rub her needy clit while fucking deep into her, surely overwhelming her. “Is that what you wanted, huh? For your Supreme leader to fuck your dirty hole? To be treated like the little slut that you are?” Kylo growled to her, his voice deep and raspy from his own pleasure. He wanted to fuck her harder and to spill his seed into her womb.

His nasty words only made her moan into his neck. She struggled to form thoughts by now. But she knew she had to reply to him, “y-yes, sir!”

Gosh, she sounded so alluring. Y/N’s voice was weakened by the raw pleasure Kylo brought her and he could hear that his size was taking a toll on her. It took all her strength to keep herself together on his cock and to not fall apart. It filled Kylo with a sense of pride. Y/N tilted her head slightly and pressed her lips on Kylo’s neck, hoping to drown her moans by kissing his skin. She was convinced that all the Stormtroopers and the Knights of Ren could hear them, but she didn’t care. He was warm and his body, just like hers, was covered by a layer of sweat. Her cool lips felt amazing on his neck, so he didn’t stop her from kissing him. Somehow, she found his sensitive spot immediately.

Y/N could feel his cock all the way in her belly and his fingers that rubbed circles on her pearl made her mind spin. She was close and she wasn’t sure how long she could hold it.

Kylo could feel how close she was, “Just cum. I won’t stop until I do, so that’s on you,” Kylo warned her mercilessly. He knew that his touch would make her scream if he could overstimulate her. In fact, he wanted to do that. He wanted to pound into her walls after she reached her high, to tease her little clit which would surely be too much for her to handle. Kylo also knew that he was much stronger than her, so she couldn’t push him off even if she wanted to.

What he said felt like a threat. Y/N was afraid she couldn’t handle his tempting torture if she came now. Kylo was already pushing her body to the edge! “I can’t…” She cried against his neck, tears forming in her eyes.

Kylo knew that and he didn’t care.

“Oh yes you can!” He growled sternly and replaced his fingers with the force. As he fucked his cock into her dripping wet walls, he used the force to capture her clit and to rub circles on it. His huge hands regained the tight grip on her hips as he continued his torturous pace. Y/N rolled her hips against his, but her moves became sloppy as she struggled to keep her orgasm at bay. Then finally, she came.

“Kylo!” Y/N screamed his name in delight as her body collapsed against his. The work towards her orgasm had drained her of her energy, but it was worth it. Never before had she felt as euphoric as she did now, sitting on her Supreme leader’s lap with his cock deep in her pussy and the force rubbing her clit just the way she liked it.

“That’s right! Cum all over my cock, you little whore. Just like that!” Kylo groaned as he kept pounding into her, now chasing his own orgasm.

Tears rolled down her face as the pleasure quickly became too much. Y/N held onto Kylo’s body tightly almost for dear life as he continued to push her to an edge she had never reached before. Every thrust, every rub felt like another orgasm followed by another. Even something as simple as breathing became hard after a short while. “Kylo! I can’t! ‘S too much!” She screamed, knowing fully he wouldn’t stop. A part of her wanted to push him off, but the other part of her loved it and wanted him to continue until she was a screaming and crying mess underneath his touch.

“You should’ve kept that in mind when you were doing such a poor job!” Kylo used her mistake against her. He had to grit his teeth together as he was so close. Having her shaking body on his lap only pushed him closer to his edge. Ever so weakly, she tried to push herself off him, but it was useless. She didn’t really want to get off, but her body was working against her mind.

Her torture didn’t continue much longer as Kylo finally came. He pulled her as close as he could, burying his cock deep inside her as his cum leaked inside her. Kylo bit Y/N’s shoulder in order to silence his growl of pure and raw pleasure.

Y/N moaned with him, enjoying how it felt to be filled with Kylo’s cum. It made her feel so dirty, but also all his. The thought of surrendering herself completely to him was thrilling.

Instead of being pushed away as soon as he got what he wanted, Kylo kept her close. He didn’t want to pull out and frankly, Y/N didn’t want to leave.

Neither of them dared to speak a word as they came down their highs. Y/N enjoyed her place on his lap and the feeling of being full of his cock and cum. Although she feared it was a one-time thing, she wished to return to that feeling over and over again.

Eventually, Kylo tangled his fingers in her hair, pulling her head back just enough so he could kiss her. It wasn’t a loving kiss, but it was passionate and harsh. Their teeth nearly clashed by the force of it. Y/N didn’t fight it as Kylo pushed his tongue inside her mouth, asserting dominance even after he had split her in half by her pelvis.

As they broke the kiss, their eyes met. Because of his force gifts, Kylo could sense what she was feeling. The poor woman liked him way too much. Honestly, she should’ve probably hated him, but she didn’t. Kylo liked that about her. Instead of running away from trouble, she ran towards it. “You’re such a dirty girl. I hope you’ve learned your lesson.”

“I have, sir. As I said, I won’t ever let that happen again,” Y/N repeated herself. Her words were drowsy, and she was tired. Fucking Kylo had drained her from all her energy. It was far too tempting to just lean against his chest and close her eyes, but she was afraid it would make him push her away. As much as it sucked, she had to remind herself that this was her punishment.

Perhaps the hardest thing wasn’t to take the fucking, but to walk away from him afterwards.

Author’s Note: Here go you! I hope you liked it :) Your feedback would be highly appreciated <3 

[hellomynameisbisexual]

By Codi Coday, President of PAVES (Polysexual Alliance for Visibility, Education, and Support)

(Content Warning: sexual assault, corrective rape)

Bi+ people, especially bi+ women, are often oversexualized because of our sexual orientation. Just signing into a dating website as a bi+ woman for a few minutes proves this to be true. Immediately, we are bombarded by couples asking for threesomes and men demanding that we let them watch us hook up with women.

Bi+ people struggle with others not seeing our sexual orientation as real or legitimate. People also tend to believe bi+ people are more promiscuous, more likely to cheat, incapable of monogamy, and greedy. A lot of these problems and misconceptions arise from the pervasive oversexualization of bisexuals.

Bisexuals Are People, Not Objects

When people are reduced to their orientation, race, or gender with the sole purpose of using them to fulfill someone’s sexual desires, they are being treated as a sex toy – not a human being. Frankly, objectifying people is not and cannot be supportive. When people fail to see the entire person attached to an identity, they fail them. It is impossible to support someone when you treat them as an object or need-fulfillment machine.

Double Standards Are Sexist

I often see women say things like, “My boyfriend is so supportive of my sexuality. He lets me do whatever I want with women as long as he can watch.” In reality, this isn’t supportive at all.

There are primary two reasons why this happens and both are unsavory. First, he may allow her to have sexual interactions with another woman because it turns him on. Don’t be fooled. He isn’t doing her a service, as he may try to convince her; he is “allowing” this behavior for purely selfish reasons. He is thinking about his sexual gratification, not her well being.

Secondly, he may allow same sex interactions because he doesn’t see them as a real threat. In this case, he is proving he doesn’t think same-sex relationships are as valid or valuable as heterosexual relationships. That is a huge red flag, proving he isn’t truly supportive. In both cases, selfishness and bigotry are at work rather than support, acceptance, and love.

Bisexual Identities Are Not A Sexual Tool

Many people think that sexualizing bi+ people means that they are supportive of our orientation. This is similar to when men oversexualize, for example, Asian or trans women and then claim they aren’t actually racist or transphobic. (Hint: they are.) If a part of someone’s identity is only supported in sexual circumstances, it isn’t truly supported.

For example, there are many people who oversexualize transgender people, but who do not support their rights. They aren’t supporting transgender individuals; they are supporting transgender people to be used for their sexual gratification only. This leaves transgender people vulnerable to violence. The oversexualization of bi+ people perpetuates violence like this as well.

Increased Corrective Rape & Sexual Violence

Corrective rape is a problem for bi+ people. Corrective rape is when someone is raped due to their sexual orientation, in order to “correct” their behavior. These rapes often occur as an effort to conform to heterosexuality and common gender norms. Men are not the only ones who commit corrective rape, but they are the most common perpetrators. Bi+ women are more likely to spend time with or date men, end up in abusive relationships without a support network, and experience social isolation. This means that bi+ people are especially at risk for corrective rape.

According to a National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence study, “61% of bisexual women reported experiencing rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner at some point in their lifetime.” Comparatively, 17% of straight women and 13% of lesbians have experience one of the above. Likely, these terrifying statistics are at least due in part to the oversexualization of bi+ people.

Bi+ people are used and seen as sexual objects rather than human beings with choices and opinions. Too often when people can’t control bisexuals they use rape, violence, and intimidation. Because of bi+ antagonism and misconceptions that bi+ people are slutty, unreliable, selfish, indecisive, dishonest, and more likely to cheat, a lot of bisexuals don’t report these crimes. Sadly, when bisexuals do report crimes to the police, “they are three times more likely to experience police violence than people who are not bisexual,” according to the Movement Advancement Project. That likelihood is increased if they are also trans, a person of color, and/or disabled.

Bisexuality Gets Conflated With Sex

One of the biggest reasons people hate bi+ people is because they conflate bisexuality with sex. In reality, bisexuality has no more to do with sex than being straight or gay does.

However, with the way that people often respond to someone coming out as bi+, they might as well be graphically describing a threesome. We often hear comments like, “Keep your sex life private! I don’t want to hear about that!” when we have only mentioned our sexual orientation and nothing about sex. Gays, lesbians, and straight people are usually able to discuss their sexual orientation without these comments – bisexuals should be no different.

Being out as a bi+ person means explaining over and over again that bisexuality is not the same as promiscuity. No, we aren’t more likely to cheat. No, we aren’t greedy. No, I don’t want a threesome with you and your girlfriend. No, we aren’t more likely to have STIs. No, you cannot watch.

********

OKCupid, a popular dating website and app, flags only the term “bisexual” as possible inappropriate language. This just goes to show that the oversexualization of bi+ people is everywhere – individuals, companies, media, advertisements. This oversexualization of bi+ people that reaches far and wide certainly isn’t support. Supporting bisexuals means not seeing them as sexual objects, treating bisexuality as a valid sexual orientation, and not conflating bi+ identities with sex.

[thedreadvampy]

look it's very simple most main cast tma characters (except possibly Basira and Sasha and MAYBE Tim) are reacting to not just supernatural trauma but clear, explicit childhood trauma and I think that's important to take into consideration.

Jon evidently came from a difficult place in the first place, and he was taught that he was an unwanted annoyance who'd derailed his grandma's life, that his intelligence was unpleasant, arrogant and inconvenient, and that the worst thing he could do was get in a grown-up's way. Of course he's bad at talking to people about his feelings. Of course he apologises for seemingly random things and tries to hide big problems and power through on his own. He had a really lonely childhood where he felt like an inconvenience, and now in adulthood it's deeply difficult to believe that anybody will help him and not hold it against him. Of course he comes across staid and aloof - he doesn't believe that anyone will like him if he isn't Doing Everything Right. It's so easy in that situation to worry so much about not being a burden that you freeze your friends out even as they can see you spiralling and you end up hurting them when in fact they'd be more than willing to offer help and get you out. It's why addiction is such an easy hole to fall in, because it feels like a way you can be self-sufficient and deal with your feelings without being a burden. Jon ISN'T a very closed off person naturally, he wants to reach out and be close to people, but he's been taught over and over (as many autistic children are) that he's too much, that he takes up too much space, that it's unfair for him to expect people to go out of their way to help him, so he boxes it away and shoves it down and turns to cigarettes, paranoia and denial in an attempt to manage the problem by himself. He's trying so hard to not be the Weird Kid, he's trying to play the part of what he thinks an archivist and a boss should be and blah his way through; he knows believing in weird shit opens the door to all sorts of stuff so he sticks his fingers in his ears and goes LALALA. he's deeply avoidant which ironically is why he often ends up diving in recklessly - it feels safe to only put yourself at risk (you who think you don't particularly matter, are unloved, and are an annoyance anyway) rather than wait and let others get involved and either judge you or get hurt. He didn't tell ANYONE that his encounter with Daisy had hurt him for SEVERAL YEARS because he didn't want to upset anyone. This speaks to me so much of a kid who growing up was always treated as underfoot, in the way, abnormal and with emotions and problems that weren't nearly as significant as the Important Grownup Things. I don't think anyone knew how to help 5 year old Jon with navigating his parents' deaths, and his grandmother's grief at losing her child probably made it very hard for them to connect whether or not she actually resented him the way he thinks she did. He was treated with bitterness and coldness his whole childhood, and he's never been given space to be angry about that because she was doing her best and dealing with a difficult situation, but it certainly left him with an expectation that trying to turn to anyone for emotional help and support will get you in trouble AND is unfair on them. Being with Martin, and indeed all his friendships and relationships, is hard to navigate when you've been taught for so long that exposing your vulnerability will get you yelled at or will upset people. You try to harden up and develop an exoskeleton but you're so chronically soft and in need of help and love so it spills out messy and you don't know how to take the walls down or build better ones up.

Martin's obvious, because his parental abuse is at the centre of his arc and is explicitly spelled out by Elias. He's so sure it's something he's done that's made his dad leave and his mum despise him, and he's hoping against desperate hope that if he can be Good Enough, little enough of a problem, helpful and invaluable, he can make up for whatever chronic flaw in his personality makes him unlovable. Of course he ISN'T unlovable, and none of his parent's treatment of him is his fault, but it's much safer to believe it's your fault and you can change it than it is to believe people who are meant to love you can just not hold up their end of the bargain for reasons totally outside your control. Much like with Jon, Martin has been taught to believe that he's a Problem - where Jon puts up walls and tries to be aggressively separate, Martin tries as hard as he can to prove himself Useful and Valuable while walling off an excess of humanity. Honestly though Martin's coping with it better than Jon throughout the series because he knows what it is and he's TRYING to push past the impulse to Not Be A Bother and actually let people love him. But he's still seeing the world through the lens of someone who's spent his whole life believing that the only way he'll deserve love is to become invaluable, to be useful, to be caring, to be needed, to be all give and no take, and that's not sustainable. And how much must it knock him back from trusting enough to ask for help when his boss (leave aside the love interest bit) talks about him like he's a buffoon and a waste of space however hard he's trying to be helpful and valuable, just like his mum has for years? Finding out that you matter enough to that person for him to risk his life to save you, and to really truly see you, goes a long way towards showing you that you're not always right to assume that people are lying when they say nice things about you and honest when they say cruel things about you - sometimes you are genuinely loved by people who ALSO see you as flawed. and while obviously after that the circumstances are very different I think we've seen Martin become more comfortable with his own tendency to acidity and sarcasm, anger and messy feelings, around not just Jon but in general (although also I can't talk about this without as usual observing how weird it is that people read Martin as sweet, servile and wimpy when he's consistently tough, sarcastic and brave AS WELL AS deeply lacking in confidence, afraid of conflict, emotionally giving, and terminally people-pleasing. He's right when he repeatedly says people underestimate him and don't see him - it's weird that the fandom is a big culprit of that)

Speaking of characters whose trauma responses are often overlooked, Melanie doesn't talk much about her pre-statement life but she's clear that it hasn't been good, and that other than her dad she's had nobody in the world she can trust. I am positive that her childhood was marked by parental abuse/neglect to at least a certain degree, because she was willing to kill her mum/let her die without much compunction (I THINK that's the implication of Elias' line about her mum's life insurance paying for her dad's care). To me (projecting), Melanie's fear of losing control of her own anger speaks to somebody who grew up in a volatile and probably physically violent home, and I suspect her mother was struggling to cope and lashing out at Melanie and her dad. (I also think that while it's unlikely to be made explicit because Jonny generally shies away from talking it writing about sexual abuse, that it's very probable that Melanie experienced adolescent sex abuse from some source and wasn't protected or supported. That's pure conjecture though based on how she acts.) I think she's definitely had issues with everyone in her family except her dad when it comes to her sexuality and that she's been largely estranged for a long time, and I think those are the kinds of things which, coupled with abuse and sidelining in adulthood, leave you with a lot of rage and nowhere to put it, and with a huge amount of difficulty trusting people. Undeniably, Melanie has been on the sharp end of other people's violent anger often enough to be really, really wary of ever giving her own anger free rein, or losing control of herself.

We don't know much about Daisy's childhood beyond what happened with Calvin (Pretty Damn Traumatic), but I think what I find interesting about Daisy is that she's definitely someone who, like many girls, struggled with that point in childhood where you're supposed to Stop Liking Boy (Fun) Things and Become A Girl. I think it's safe to say that Daisy was fairly subject to bullying and alienation in primary school, and I think people often overlook how badly that affects you your whole life. But also to be severely injured and traumatised, to tell people what happened, and to not be believed? That leaves marks. Marks that teach you that you can't trust that justice will be served, and you have to take the law into your own hands. I think there's also a lot of the Gendered Traumas happening around Daisy - she clearly has a conflicted relationship with femininity - but that's another post.