#(and by cursed i mean i want to know more)
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i think a lot about how early-series, demigods are referred to pretty equally as "demigods," "half-bloods," and "godlings," - the last used particularly by gods at demigods - but after that "godlings" is almost exclusively used to refer to minor gods.
something something i am literally always chewing on the concept of the line between immortals/demigods/monsters/etc being thinner than it appears
#pjo#riordanverse#we should bring this back i want more ambiguity between demigods and immortals#and where they stand between mortals and immortals#ESPECIALLY with the TOA worldbuilding of ''oh yeah inverse of immortals fading - if enough people believe hard enough it becomes true''#and people canonically leveraging that to become immortal through that means#like WHAT that is FASCINATING WORLDBUILDING#and is potentially really cool for how the gods function#but also SO MUCH EXISTENTIAL HORROR POTENTIAL ON THE DEMIGOD END#jason and percy getting idolized so much they literally start to become warped by other people's perceptions of them...#jason being accidentally immortalized because almost everyone who knows him puts him on such a pedestal#AND INVERSE TOO. demigods who are so looked down upon they LITERALLY begin to be warped into monsters#tbh we just generally need more of modern demigods being turned into monsters#like how many myths are there of mortals and heroes being turned into monsters and animals#wheres that for demigods. its gotta happen sometimes. especially since we know other curses are frequent enough#also. how much we're told the greeks interact directly with the olympians (field trips to solstice meetings etc etc)#and how willing the gods seem to be to curse demigods/mortals#heck Mr D is constantly threatening to turn people into dolphins. he's gotta have made good on that at least once
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I'm rereading Chapter 2 of why did love put a gun in my hand and the bit where Hunter says "It's just his temper, he doesn't mean to do it" is making me so sad. I'm used to thinking of Hunter as the character with the most accurate read on Belos in this AU but even HERE he doesn't seem to realize how calculated the abuse is. 😟😟😟
i went back to remember what the full context for that bit is and ough. god. yeah. it's a gut punch:
hunter is Certainly the character with the most accurate read on how violent and dangerous belos can be. but even so, he can't conceptualize the level to which he's been manipulated....
when belos hurts HIM, that's just fulfilling a mutual contract between them. sometimes belos needs to hurt somebody and he can't help it and he and hunter both know it's best if hunter takes that on, right?? no need for anybody else to be involved. keep it in the family
hunter saying "i know how to talk to him" because talking to belos on luz's behalf has always worked Before, because belos wants it to, because that's the best way to keep hunter loyal...
"he's still the same person he's always been, he doesn't want to hurt you at all" with the implication of "he DOES want to hurt me and always has, but that's all right." boy.......
if hunter had a truly, TRULY accurate understanding of belos, then he would have either run away with luz or smuggled her out of the castle ages ago. because he would understand that he really.... has no control. over the amount of danger that luz is in.
instead he needs the belos situation to be one that's self-contained, as long as hunter keeps playing his role. if he controls the situation then he can keep luz safe. and consequently it's also his fault if luz gets hurt. because hunter is supposed to do Anything to keep her from getting hurt.
that is his Job.
#if you want to be even more unhappy you can ponder what exactly hunter was planning to SAY to belos#because you KNOW it wouldn't have been confrontational or angry.#some combination of 'if you're punishing me i can do better' and 'whatever you need to keep the curse under control i can do'#like. hunter says 'i'll talk to him' what he means is 'i'll offer to undergo atrocities the likes of which you cannot imagine'#but he won't tell luz that. he's a diplomat <3#she extrapolates it anyway. and is just as horrified as he was afraid she'd be. luz can't you just be cool with me being abused :/#replies#toh#princess luz au#princess luz au meta#my writing#child abuse#abuse#hunter toh#luz noceda#belos toh#horrible mindscape trauma pals
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is this where u take the requests? if not, apologies lol still learning tumblr, I WAS WONDERING IF MY VARGAS RELATED REQUESTOBER REQUEST COULD BE JAKE/NNY? i feel like jake/nny is SO looked past like its actually so cute, they could be doing anything THANK U IF THIS WAS THE WRONG PLACE SORRY MWAH MWAH X
Day 12 - Once you had one hole in your skin, you've had 'em all
#My art#Requestober#Vargas#Jake#Nny#*looks at your comment of NnyGaster being cursed* *looks at this* Well I mean at least you're consistent#Of all the crackships I haven't considered I possibly haven't considered this one the most#I mean considering I Just got into Nny/Scriabin lol#I have extreme Edgar/Scriabin blinders lol this is known#Is this a thing and I just don't know? I can't even snark I just - it Literally Never Occurred to me lol#Edgar got all the shipping charts and diagrams and graphs he's special that way <3#I love Jake dearly and don't want him to be hurt! Unlike the Vargases lol ♥ I love them dearly and Do want them be hurt#Precarious position anyone who gets paired up with Johnny haha#I suppose if Johnny's still in Sweet Mode that's one thing but!! the rest of him!!!#Their dynamic over something like piercings Is interesting tho - Jake hangs out with artsy types and Nny is definitely that lol#And Johnny's y'know - weird about stuff lol - I could see him getting into a pierced partner! No pun intended#And obviously Jake is very good on boundaries <3 He's not actually touching him here just gesturing at his ear#It also occurs to me that I can't think of a time I've seen Johnny with tattoos :0 Body modification+art! (+bodily weirdness)#Might be something there to look at sometime hmmm#Anyhow - continuing my trend of drawing Nny on the hood of the car over the cliff haha#I didn't think I had leveled up all that much from last year but comparing the two??? I'm Way more pleased with this one#Still struggling with the bottom of the shoe but better! Practicing!!!#Maybe there Is something to drawing just a bit bigger lol#Nny also looks significantly less anemic from not having died yet lol#Really pleased with the harder edges of the unlined shapes ♪ I used that grass brush on everything and it's dope#Do I like backgrounds???? First lining now this so much to consider
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“Red team was so selfish looking past the cursed team like that” listen man they were thinking about it often, and had evidence they were cursed too. They were convinced they were cursed too. Bad (with Pierre’s help I’ll be honest) singlehandedly destroyed any sort of civil relations and good faith between the two teams and this shot Blue in the foot when they tried to make the case about them being cursed last minute, about trying to rig it in the cursed teams favor.
There was never a cursed team in the first place, it was all a tactic to build paranoia and that feeling of betrayal and to get them to tear eachother a part. And it worked super well! At the end, neither would listen to the other about their evidence, not with an honest open ear, not with the willingness to think the other team could be cursed. It’s not a case of ‘Red just refused to listen because they wanted to win more than they cared’ they thought they were cursed too - if they were selfish, then so were Blue in the same way.
Every time Red had tried to talk first early on, it was met with extreme violence - and with Bad consistently proving he’ll play dirty to win, they didn’t trust Blue enough to listen to them in the later game. Maybe they should have listened then. Maybe Blue have listened earlier. The game worked as intended to set them against eachother.
#link is to another post I made back when they were debating about the cursed teams in purgatory and why red couldn’t trust blue and blue#couldn’t believe red. they were both stuck#and bless Tubbo he tried. he did try. but he was just as convinced he was right as Phil at the end. it was about convincing one another#more than it was about coming together and piecing together the evidence. yknow what I mean? they all cared about it but because of tension#and they also could not trust blue. which sucks because that’s hardly Tubbo’s fault but yknow#I dunno. it’s not simple like that. it’s not a case of red blowing it off being selfish not caring. they also thought they were cursed#AGAIN I’ll say it again bad burning bridges fucked a lot of them over for when diplomacy had to win because there could not be benefit of#the doubt or good faith or any sort of trust#it’s not just cut and dry red wanted to win more or blue wanted to win more. it was complicated and had way more factors#red thought they were cursed too!! they had solid evidence for this too!!#and like. again it’s a case of both parties kinda suck purgatory sucked it was always going to be like that because the game worked as#intended#idk. blue should have listened to red early on. red should have listened to blue later on. they were never going to do that on either side#idk from Tina’s pov it’s understandable why she said what she said. but knowing the others pov and what actually went down that’s not what#happened at all yknow?#they’re all gonna be feeling the effects of ‘we killed and betrayed eachother for two weeks’ for a while to come#mcyt#qsmp#qsmp purgatory#z speaks
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I think of so many stupid shenanigans between Wriothesley and his daughters in the Addison Lee verse. They tell Wriothesley crazy shit all the time, their daddy-daughter secrets, and it drives Neuvillette nuts that Wriothesley won't snitch.
Sigewinne, whispering into his ear: Today at school I punched a boy because he was being mean. I waited until it was recess, and made sure that no one was watching, and I punched him. Everyone knows he is a liar, so noooo one believed him when he cried about it. And Sigewinne is aaaalways a superstar so Mr Vautrin didn't suspect a thing !
Wriothesley, mildly concerned: Uh huh.
Sigewinne: Papa would say Sigewinne has to be nice to everyone, but, Sigewinne thinks bullies need to get punched sometimes, b'cos, b'cos otherwise, they think everyone is just gonna let them be mean
Wriothesley: Y'know what. That's fair
#They tend to play with him more than Neuvillette because he can match their energies#but Neuvillette usually is who they'd run to when they#need calmness and comfort#at night. when they're all asleep. Neuv would pin his husband down and be like. Tell me. Tell me the secrets.#and Wriothesley is like Noooooooo snitches get stitches Neuv#obviously if it's serious he'd let him know. but. if Carole comes up to him and is like daddy I secretly put a roach in Mr Vautrin's lunch#he'd be like. Did he think it was yummy?#and Carole is like aheeheeehee noooo don't be silly !! It was a prank and the roach was plastic so he can't eat it anyway#ingital#also vautrin teaches all 3 of their kids#for like. first grade#so he's basically a family friend at this point#I also have this stupid#scene in my head. the Swear Jar. I imagine like swear words in the Wriollette household is a hotly debated topic. because Daddy say it#aaaaaall the time. And Wriothesley doesn't believe in banning words. He explains it to the kids when they ask but he's like. You can be#just as hurtful. if not more. with words that are not considered 'bad'. You can still be mean without saying fuck. The point is to be nice#and daddy is nice isn't he. even if he says bad words sometimes.#but neuvillette is like No. No Bad Words. It is considered socially inappropriate for your age group. When you are older#you can decide if you want to use them. however. there are some rules in the classroom and I do not want you girls to get into trouble.#if you get into the habit of cursing like your dad. it'd be hard to keep away from them when you are in class. and bad words frighten papa#so. I ask that you ladies do not use them.#but like I don't think. they'd Punish the kids. the swear jar isn't even like. a punishment. it is a swear tax. every time you say bad word#you have to pay the swear tax. and whatever's in the jar gets taken out for ice cream or whatever to make papa feel better#[ this is how wriothesley explain it ]#and it leads to stuff like. The girls being considerate to Neuvillette firstly (he isn't actually all that bothered he's more scared#of the social repercussions for the girls. But they think he's Scared Of All Bad Words)#so they'd be like. papa cover your ears. I am going to say frightening words. FUCK YOU TIMMY. and then they pay their swear tax#and when Wriothesley curse in front of Neuvillette. the girls are like stop it. you will frighten papa. pay the swear tax NOW#we must acquire the icecream for papa. lest he gets so frightened he runs away forever. and wriothesley is like oh shit yeah that'd be bad#and theyre like DADDY. STOP IT
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Xena Warrior Princess 3x07 The Debt (2)
You mean that I should serve someone who hates me. More than that, you need to serve someone you hate. I'd rather die. You've been a dead woman for a long time now Xena, I'm offering you the chance to live.
#xena warrior princess#xwpedit#xenaedit#wlwedit#wlwsource#tvedit#dailyflicks#xena*#gif*#I am 100% on the xena/gabrielle train bc duh but man I LOVE xena's relationship with lao ma and I wish we'd seen more of it in the series...#lao ma being xena's first turning point and helping her gain her consciousness back etc is so important to me...#lao ma is described as both soft and hard and that's exactly what xena needed and yeah she loved her and admired her so much to the point#that she felt indebted to her#xena in the debt ep series is lit like that meme that's like#If Lao Ma has a million fans then I am one of them. If Lao Ma has ten fans then I am one of them. If Lao Ma has only one fan then that is me#If Lao Ma has no fans then that means I am no longer on earth. If the world is against Lao Ma then I am against the world.#anyway I just love it - I just love the idea that dark xena came around to the point of wanting to serve this woman simply because she#believed in her and in how much of a good influence she could be 'I have been blessed or cursed to see into the souls of others. You don't k#know it yet Xena but you're a remarkable woman capable of greatness'#LIKE....... idk it just makes me insane the unconditional support the unconditional love.... anyways
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Mean Gills thought:
Scott always out lives his closest ally.
Martyn alway out lives his purpose.
A lot of people are taking this to mean one curse will win out, and the other will be broken, since they’ve allied with each other.
However, I see a variety of possibilities with this.
You see:
Scott is Martyn’s “purpose”, and dies first. (Scotts curse breaks, Martyn’s doesn’t)
Scott is Martyn’s “purpose”, but Martyn dies first. (Martyn’s curse breaks, Scott’s doesn’t)
Killing Scott is Martyn’s purpose (hi watchers you creepy cryptic fucks), and he succeeds. (Scott’s curse breaks, Martyn’s doesn’t)
Killing Scott is Martyn’s purpose but he fails; someone else kills Scott (Martyn’s curse continues), Martyn dies first (Scott’s curse continues), they die simultaneously (both cursed break).
Best case scenario: they’re still very happily teamed up, and they wind up with the same time on their clocks, and they both reach 0 together. (Neither curse wins out/both break)
Worst case scenario: messy break up where Martyn looses his “purpose”, be that the coral isles, or being allied with Scott. This out living his purpose. Then Martyn dies, Scott’s closes ally for most of the season, or whoever his next closest ally is (probably cleo?). AKA: the everyone suffers/both curses continue option!
I suffer from so many brain thoughts…
#traffic smp#trafficblr#limited life#coral isles#coral kids#mean gills#majorwood#smajor1995#scott smajor#limited life smajor#martyn inthelittlewood#inthelittlewood#limited life martyn#limited life headcanons#it’s most likely one of the curses will break and the other won’t#however which one is more likely to win out is definitively dependent on what martyns purpose is being defined as#the two of them are painfully loyal#I don’t know which one I want most#I do enjoy emotional suffering#but also#what if soft hearted best case scenario?
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The art is lovely and now I'm gonna ramble because that's what I do when I care about something.
For the love of women, please PLEASE can fan artists remember to add muscle to their Shadowhunter ladies? I'll commend Bowater for cleverly giving James that sculpted and lean look without making him a beefcake (nothing against beefcakes, I'd love to hug them), but Cordelia is once again suffering from Arms And Shoulders Too Slender It's Hard To Even Imagine Her Picking Up A Sword. There is some there, yes, but artists shouldn't be afraid of giving particularly Female Main Characters weight and toned muscle. Cordelia is supposed to be nearly the same height as James as far as I can remember, and she's curvy, and full, and she wields a sword like it's second nature to her. Please explain why she looks so tiny in James' lap.
Also I'm pretty sure marriage runes are supposed to go over the heart whenever possible (thinking about Will's parabatai rune being over his heart instead -- he didn't get Tessa to draw over the scar, did he??) and... either I'm looking at the picture wrong or James' rune is not over where his heart should be.
For the matter, where are their other runes and scars?? James' Voyance rune isn't even on his hand. And I'm pretty sure he's right handed. I could have that wrong though.
Another thing: no one can ever decide what Cordelia's hair looks like and it's the funniest thing to me. This is what happens when all you do is vaguely say the colour is like fire but also like rose petals but also a flowing river of those things but also is Red (probably for redhead, but then from there I never understand where the rose petal analogy comes from considering the typical rose is a deep bloody colour -- I do acknowledge the existence of those light orange varieties though which might more closely resemble red hair). In the end, I'm glad readers can infer what they want and imagine the characters how they like.
Anyone else think James looks like he's built like a tennis player? Oddly specific, maybe, but it was a thought I had. Mostly the arms and somewhat narrow body.
James' hair is nice, his eyes are an interesting take on gold in the shadows. Bowater managed to also make him look closely related to his father, so bravo for that.
In the end, the focus is obviously on the marriage runes and not other physical aspects outside of it being clear that this is James and Cordelia. Bowater's style is very beautiful and elegant. Love the way fabric and lighting is done too. I'll add also that it is possible to be a smaller person who is slender but still strong so I mean Cordelia's not necessarily done wrong, I just interpret her appearance differently. Obviously, they're both hot and they're both attractive and I have my qualms with the series, chronicles, and author -- the fandom I am so-so on, though I'm still here, aren't I? And I'm taking the time to ramble about my thoughts on a piece of fanart -- but this is good. Gorgeous, even. Both James and Cordelia are beautiful.
#side note: am I the only one who thought cc made a mistake trying to describe james as handsome in cordelia's eyes#as opposed to matthew being the beautiful one#when there has always been a deep and aching strange beauty to james??#james herondale#cordelia carstairs#vaguely crediting charlie bowater though it isn't like you can't find a dozen more copies of this with the credit#also yes I mercilessly picked this apart because I am still trying to find avenues to express my dissatisfaction with tlh#I search for flaws what else can I say#I am aware of it but it's hard to turn those thoughts processes off#maybe I'll write a post at some point all about the authors I once Loved that I am now deeply critical of#a lot of people would hate me for it but eh#also we all know about the marvelisation of cinema#but is it time to talk about the marvelisation of book series/worlds?#or perhaps it has a better and more book-focused name? the jkr approach? rick riordan's marvel-esque flaw? the sjm plague? the clare affair?#we'll workshop it#maybe it's the curse of middleschool-YA series and the issue of aginh readers in fandoms#and I don't mean this as discriminatory against anyone older in fandom because there is not really a limit nor should there be#for most media#but the issue of when the readers grow up amd authors try to accomodate for that -- not necessarily by making their work more adult --#but by making MORE because there is also an influx of new fans and they want to stay relevant while retaining the old#it's a whole thing though I'd need to sit down to properly organise my thoughts to talk about it
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Genuinely sososo unwell at that season 26 preview with cthulhu you don't understand how much I fucking love Kenny and have yearned for seeing a proper backstory for him since the ending of the superhero trilogy where Mint-Berry-Fucking-Crunch took his spotlight like Jesus fuck pleasepleaseplease let there be more story for him i'm begging i'm on my knees and i'm begging you Matt and Trey
#dogy dialogue#text post#south park#kenny mccormick#seriously i wanna know all about his relations with cthulhu#i wanna see if we get to see his other powers that he had in tfbw#i wanna hear the full extent about what happened to his parents at the cult stuff#i wanna know more about kenny#i want him to finally get that satisfaction of knowing who he is and why he's cursed#I WANNA KNOW#i wanna know or i want a divorce#and i MEAN IT
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Chasm: Curse of Kaine (Vol. 1/2024), #3.
Writer: Steve Foxe; Penciler and Inker: Andrea Broccardo; Colorist: Brian Reber; Letterer: Joe Caramagna
#Marvel#Marvel comics#Marvel 616#Chasm: Curse of Kaine#latest release#Scarlet Spider#Kaine#Kaine Parker#Chasm#Ben Reilly#Hallows’ Eve#Janine Godbe#wow…I think this just about perfectly encapsulates why I’ve felt like this miniseries has been ever so slightly off#I mean beggars can’t be too choosey and don’t get me wrong I’m primarily glad somebody remembered Kaine even existed#it also warms my heart to see Kaine growing into a heroic role#(and maybe I’m just being nit-picky over dialogue but hey this is a medium with limited dialogue space so writers have to be specific#in how they want to convey things)#but this contrast is just so wild#at a stretch I can see Kaine stopping to help civilians#he’s grown quite a bit since he started out in Houston…but seeing him so blatantly gung ho about it is a little jarring hahaha#as for Ben…oh Ben…I know they’ve been trying to establish Ben as vaguely despicable ever since this series opened#with him shaking tourists down for loose change but they can never make me believe that’s the real Ben !!!!#so Ben’s decision here is even more jarring hahaha#remember how Ben Reilly: Scarlet Spider ended with Ben despondent and essentially soulless#only for him to be promptly put «back to factory settings» very soon after in a Spider-verse event? I don’t care if it’s lazy#I hope they do something like that again and we have a heroic Ben back hahaha
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Death Blossom
#world of warcraft#anduin wrynn#arthas menethil#honestly mostly this piece was just idunno like an idea without much thought behind it#it had a cute sketch so i continued adding to it#i think i was mostly still thinking about anduins mental state in shadowlands and how arthas had a part in that#blizz is very vague about how arthas is used to corrupt him so i mostly just do whatever i want with fanart#i mean i do that anyway but#Anduin is depicted as a child wearing the maw armor and chains holding a flower to arthas#and like i think a part of hte idea was anduin depicted as younger to more represent his innocence#but also that younger anduin carries more bravery and here he's unafraid to face arthas#he hands a flower not as a friendly jesture but more of a 'im better then you' but i struggle to explain that#Anduin trying to convince himself#even in hell#even in chains just like you#im still better#depicts how arthas's curse is still hurting the younger generations of azeroth even after his death (chains)#chose the death flower cuz its like ya know the shadowlands flower found in all zones#but that there is still beauty in death#aiofhafiaohad this piece is just alot of different vague ideas that come together to make no damn sense#Honestly nonsensical art is fun would love more nonsensical fanart#just fanart where its like...you vaugely get what they were going for but otherwise doesnt really make much sense#its fun to draw first and make shit up later#I learned how to 'think critically' about the imagery of art in art school and now i can just spew bullshit about my fanart its great#you should try it#I mean its not like im realllly making things up#is just that the art came first and then i used what i drew to put together my thoughts and thats completely valid for artist to do#somethings you better understand your feelings and ideas after you've let yourself create#thats why art is so cool
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FIRST DRAFT DEFEATED!!! its 54k words currently
#personal#canary continuity#i still need to lengthen/change some scenes#theres some long exposition in some scenes that should probably just be cut for like. the events#leading up to the important moment.#although i enjoy representing the overthinking/anxiety so i'll try to find a way to keep most of it#and a currently really important foreshadowing/thematic scene i want to make more subtle#originally there was going to be more than what i ended up with but most of the time when i complain about pacing its LITERALLY just me#also i need to cut some repetition that isnt intentional for the sake of showing the kind of. circular self-blame going on in d's head#because especially in the face of a psychotic break its intentional. but in some places i need to make things more abstract i feel#im kinda happy with most of the early scenes though. favorite to write was mikey... whats going on in your head little guy#i love the little unnerving ways it shows they are still actually CONSCIOUS beneath whats going on. like enough to resist it sometimes#itll get explained more deeply in the aftermath oneshot but thats why the change was slow and subtle#it was more an alteration of their thought processes/intrusive thoughts that slowly ate them alive#the progression felt normal for them#but notably raph actually is holding back the whole time and i think thats pretty interesting#and actually kind of horrifying LOL he couldve been so much nastier#anyways ill stop yapping now. youll see what i mean when im done#its a really powerful curse. i actually have a lot of ideas for the character responsible that explains why#and i even know the motive behind it. im still a little iffy about including her or making her a continuous threat but i Miiiight
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I've been looking for this one au where Len basically becomes a mad scientist and turns his friends into robots one by one for a while now, and I'm beginning to realize that I just read through your blog while half asleep a few months back and mixed together my memories of your flower hivemind and composite au
this is very funny to me. i'm absolutely honored this blog's posts were enough to evil-farming-game an entire vocaloid au into your memories 😂
i can give you this doodle; it's composite au but i'm sure it'd fit very well with this theoretical mad scientist len au lololl
#ask#anonymous#this is ALSO funny to me bc of 'mad scientist' and 'flower hivemind au' in the same paragraph. it reminds me of an old scrapped idea#i had about where tf the flowers even came from in the first place but i ended up never doing anything w/ it#i've been thinking abt composite au though uag i want to do more w/ it... rip the unfinished refs and one google doc thing i have#shaking myself like ITS OKAY IF THE STORY KINDA SUCKS AT FIRST!! YOU NEED TO START SOMEWHERE#cus i mean i wouldve never gotten anywhere w/ Certain Things had i not started with the og shitty versions. which were SHIT#but its wild to think ~7 years later i transmogrified them into the things they are now. wack. makes me wonder what will happen#to stuff im making now later down the line if i go and revisit it. SO CONCLUSION YES BITCH GET OVER YOUR FUCKING ANXIETY#i think my other problem is i'd loveee to reveal it slowly with like art pieces comics etc but i dont got time for that 😔😔#CURSE WITH LITERALLY EVERYTHING I MAKE TBH not just fandom shit but original shit too. i need to get over myself#cause i do know respectfully not everyone has the skill/time/desire to pick apart things for symbolism so a clearer explanation#would prob be more accessible. and easier for ME TOO TO HAVE SHIT IN ONE FUCKING PLACE MAN. actually how i've been taking notes lately#sorry these are some longass fucking tags im talking to myself. just went into a new academic year w a lot of stress#so thinking abt my own crazy stories keeps me sane and makes me feel like i have control over at least SOME aspect of my life#anyways circling back mad scientist len sounds incredible lowkey though lmao. its always the stem lens 😔💔✌️#JK?? but i do joke abt composite au len partly going insane bc he's a biochem major essentially so yeah bitch i fucking get it 😭 no wonder
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About to hand weave this man a potion carrying pouch in his character colors. I was already thinking about it. And then was like no. It's too early. I'll just give him a bit of the yarn my pouch is woven out of that I hypothetically would use as one of the components as a favor to wear for the tournament. I will be normal. So normal.
AND THEN HE GAVE ME A HANDMADE POTION CARRYING POUCH IN HIS BLUE THIS MAN MATCHED MY FREAK AND I TEMPORARILY SCALED BACK
gonna stay at 100% freak going forward
#faer personal files#i am about to get so so sappy in the tags#i am typing this bc i started setting up my loom and then i was like wait i need sleep#i literally have dnd in the morning#augh#it is immune to boyfriend curse bc 1. he did not request it 2. it is a surprise and 3. i am weaving not knitting 4. im not a girl#oh 5 he's not even technically my boyfriend yet#i also want to flex. like even when he is at events i am not at i want people envying his custom hand woven pouch and him to be like thanks#my partner made it for me <3#man cannot hand me a mace and a cool heraldic item and expect me to not want everyone to know he is loved#he's gonna have to get used to it. not saying i love you yet you know what i mean.#idk. i like him so much. i like who he is i like how he is and i like that he actually has room for me in his head#i like being looked at without feeling sliced in two. even i can't always do that when i look in the mirror.#i like when he smiles. i like when he looks a little surprised about how delighted i am by him but i'm gonna like it even more when#the surprise settles down bc he feels secure in how much i like him#i wanna make him worse i want to give him an ego i want to make him better i want him to love himself so much#i love getting 3 am goodnight texts bc he was working on his art i love sending those i was in an art hole text now i must sleep texts#a good 6 hours earlier lol and having him be just as hyped i love talking to him i love his smile so much#i am putting in the work to get chill with reciprocation bc i am not used to it and wow. wow. this is. very nice.#my knight
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sometimes i truly do feel so isolated and alienated because even if people on here are lonely and sad they still have friends and partners and they're capable of having jobs and getting educations ... and im like ok wow im like actually the only one who doesn't just "feel" those things but also is completely worthless and insignificant. cool 👍
#and it's why i cant feel connected to anyone even if some ppl are nice to me#bc ok yeah but at the end of the day i still AM a loser while u have a life and ppl who care abt u........#nobody gets me. like for real...... ☹️#having avpd is fucked up and a curse tbh#idk rn im also in an avpd moment where i cant even reply to anyone at all#im like ok wow.... i both feel like im only worthless and stupid and awkward anyway why even bother trying#plus im genuinely like tired...... i just wanna be the most important to ONE person and be chosen by them over everyone else#never having experienced that just makes everything else pale away in comparison like i cant even find it in me to feel anythinf#anything*#im just feeling so fucking sad and im realizing how fkn alone i an#AM* god trying so hard not to cut myself since i cant even type properly#and since i have avpd that only makes me isolate myself more which makes me more miserable#but also the thing is... my only choice IS to isolate myself bc i dont have anybody#having short shallow social exchanges w ppl who i only exist a little bit to is making me feel more empty#i so badly need deep strong emotional connections#but actually i dont even care abt that... really truly all i want is to be no 1 to one person#so.... i dont know i dont fkn know all i know is that im so lonely#and even if shallow impersonal things can sustain me sometimes im in an avpd mood rn where i feel so fuckinf#fucking***** broken and worthless and all i want is to further isolate myself#bc when i try to talk to ppl im reminded of how stupid i am#bc they mean sm more to me than i do to them#bc they have real lives with real ppl that matter to them!!!#it's not what my soul needs so i just cant bring myself to.....#idk i also feel like an asshole bc i truly appreciate nice messages#idk i just wanna cry tbh and kms bc i will always have avpd and be broken 🩷
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My partner finally finished BG3 but has no idea that his ending was actually bad cause he was a pro-Vlaakith githyanki who rode off with Lae'zel but got NO EPILOGUE where Withers points out y'all died im 😭😭😭
they have no idea what happened with Gale or anyone else (who was still alive) after flying away 🙃🙃🙃
#i cant even tell him cause hes gonna play again more “normally”#its so tragic he would like skip dialogue and just fight to get the jump on boss battles instead of waiting for the cutscenes to start#and he didn't exhaust dialogue trees!! like... how... why...#and also he staked Astarion 😭 and p much never reloaded#and didn't clear the shadow curse so no Halsin#also everyone at Last Light Inn died so Dammon was gone and Karlach only got 2 upgrades#and he didnt know moonrise towers was basically a second town#and his game was buggy a lot maybe? cause he kept trying to be hella creative with things and do things out of order#like killing gortash before doing steel watch 🙃#it's fine it's fine everyone plays differently#he tends to care more about gameplay than anything else but still!!#i just want him to know all the character backstories and see everything that made me emotional#i mean he did say he was sad when Lae'zel broke up with him in act 3 and when Karlach died and when he had Gale use the orb in act 2#which he considered his canon ending :/ sigh#i dont think he got Jaheira's lines about death#and he didnt understand why Karlach wouldn't go back to the hells#and he thought Wyll was happy being the duke (and has NO idea you could save his dad cause the mission didn't happen!! 😭)#the iron throne was like my fave mission outside of killing Cazador and I can't discuss either one cause he didn't do them properly yet 😭😭#he also avoided talking to children so he missed those quests and yenna glitched so no cat appeared in camp 🙃#sighhhhh cannot believe he plays so differently than i do lollll#he didn't even do unlimited kisses with Lae'zel!! meanwhile im over here kissing Astarion every night hahahah#hoping my partner doesn't see IRL if I have the office door open as if it matters lmfaooooo#i need him to play again and see why im in love with a video game character lol#maybe we could both um... benefit from knowing more about all of Astarion's scenes lmao#but like he has NOT SEEN Astarion's silly or sweet side yet just him being a bit of a chaotic vampire#and thinks i like him cause of vampires WRONG!! play the game again and see that i love his silly & sweet real self!#bg3 spoilers#baldur's gate 3 spoilers#bg3#baldur's gate 3
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