#the doubt or good faith or any sort of trust

[zeb-z]

“Red team was so selfish looking past the cursed team like that” listen man they were thinking about it often, and had evidence they were cursed too. They were convinced they were cursed too. Bad (with Pierre’s help I’ll be honest) singlehandedly destroyed any sort of civil relations and good faith between the two teams and this shot Blue in the foot when they tried to make the case about them being cursed last minute, about trying to rig it in the cursed teams favor.

There was never a cursed team in the first place, it was all a tactic to build paranoia and that feeling of betrayal and to get them to tear eachother a part. And it worked super well! At the end, neither would listen to the other about their evidence, not with an honest open ear, not with the willingness to think the other team could be cursed. It’s not a case of ‘Red just refused to listen because they wanted to win more than they cared’ they thought they were cursed too - if they were selfish, then so were Blue in the same way.

Every time Red had tried to talk first early on, it was met with extreme violence - and with Bad consistently proving he’ll play dirty to win, they didn’t trust Blue enough to listen to them in the later game. Maybe they should have listened then. Maybe Blue have listened earlier. The game worked as intended to set them against eachother.

[on-my-vigilante-sht]

Mine

Luke Castellan x Reader

Requested by: @officiallenalove like imagine the reader is like a daughter of Poseidon and we know he’s not around most of the time and she meets Luke and they like fall in love but she’s never known what healthy love looks like so it’s low key angsty but happy at the same time yk?

Summary: "You are the best thing that's ever been mine"

Warning: crappy parents, angst, self doubt

Word Count: 2k

Masterlist

A/N Sorry this took so long I had a hard time choosing which lyrics/moments I wanted to write

You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter

Godly parents were always deadbeats. It was just a fact of half-blood life. But after spending years thinking I had no father, I was thrilled to have been claimed by Poseidon. It was naïve of me to think that just because he claimed me he’d be a good father just because I knew of his existence. I spent night after night praying to him, looking for some sense of guidance from him but never receiving anything. Eventually I learned not to bother with him or anyone else.

My mom had let me down enough times that I knew it wasn’t just gods that let you down. When she finally told me about my father she told me I’d be moving to a strange place. Not for my safety but because she didn’t want to take care of the daughter of the god that broke her heart. She complained endlessly on the drive over that my father never even bothered to offer her immortality, rather last she heard of him he was falling in love with another woman on Long Island.

She was dead to me after she dumped me at camp with hardly a goodbye. And then my father was dead to me when I begged for his help but received nothing.

~

I was a flight risk, with a fear of fallin' / Wondering why we bother with love, if it never lasts

Most of the other campers felt the same about their godly parents but it seemed like the only one who really understood was Luke.

“I mean, it’s like we’re nothing to them,” Luke ranted to me. We rant to each other a lot. “We’re just byproducts of their mistakes.”

“Gods, I hate men,” I groaned, lying back in the grass of the green. “Are all fathers this shitty?” I asked, looking up at Luke. I squinted into the sun as I peered at him accusingly. He moved his hand to block the sun from my eyes.

“I wouldn’t know from personal experience but I wouldn’t be this shitty,” he smiled cheekily down at me. He moved to lay back too, resting on his elbow. “I’d never abandon you.”

I could feel my chest tighten and I hoped it wasn’t apparent on my face. I just laughed, gently pushing his chest in a playful manner, hoping I was sparing him any embarrassment by making him think I thought he was joking. “You wish. You’d probably leave once the first diaper change comes.” I couldn’t even begin to consider loving him—or anyone—enough to feel abandoned by him. Thanks to my parents I felt more than enough abandonment.

He gave me a forced laugh as I sat up. “Yeah probably. I’d just be the fun dad.”

~

Do you remember, we were sittin' there by the water? / You put your arm around me for the first time

Later that day I found myself sitting on the beach of the Long Island Sound. The ocean was always sort of a sore spot for me because it was just a reminder of my father but it still felt calming. Like I belonged despite my father’s indifference.

As I stared out into the sound, zoning out, I let my mind wander to the conversation I had with Luke. That wasn’t the first time he had tried to hint at his feelings and he was a great guy but I couldn’t trust him. I didn’t have faith that he—or anyone for that matter—wouldn’t just let me down. How could I trust I wouldn’t let him down.

I was interrupted from my thoughts by the man himself. “Hey, can we talk?” he asked, coming to stand next to me. I just wordlessly gestured for him to sit next to me. He complied, taking a few breaths before looking at me. “I’m just gonna come right out and day it: I like you,” he rushed. “You don’t have to like me back or anything but I need to know that you know.”

I stared at him, my mouth agape. I hadn’t expected his boldness. “Um…” I had to take a second to structure my thoughts. “Luke, you’re a great guy. Any girl would be lucky to have you but you don’t want me.”

“Actually, I do I just said it,” he chuckled, trying to release some tension.

I laughed with him. “No, I mean I don’t think I can give you what you want. I’m not the best with feelings and I’m not entirely convinced that you, and everyone else in my life, won’t just leave me when it’s convenient.”

“Hey,” Luke chided gently, throwing an arm over my shoulder to bring me closer, “I meant what I said I'm not gonna abandon you. And if you’re scared, that’s fine, we can take this slow. If you really just don’t want a relationship that’s fine. I’ll still be by your side no matter what.”

Tears pricked my eyes at how thoughtful and caring he was being. Fortunately he couldn’t see them because my head was resting on his shoulder. “Okay,” I agreed, “I want to try taking things slow with you.” His grip on me tightened as he held me a little closer, like he was so excited you just have to squeeze something.

~

Braced myself for the goodbye / 'Cause that's all I've ever known

Things were great for a few months. Every time I began to doubt our relationship, Luke was there to help me. Giving me constant assurances and telling me how much he loved me. So much so that I started to feel like a burden to him. Like I was just a task he had to get through every week.

“Hey,” Luke announced his presence as he entered my cabin, “I haven’t seen you all day, what’s up?” he asked, looking around the cabin.

“J-just a second!” I called from a storage closet. I quickly wiped my tears and steeled myself, willing myself to look normal. Realizing he’d be wondering why I was in the closet, I grabbed a random blanket from one of the shelves. Taking a deep breath, I stepped out of the closet with a smile. “Hey.”

His face immediately dropped. “What’s wrong?”

Curse my puffy eyes. “Nothing,” I answered. He approached me but I just slid past him, dropping the blanket onto my bunk. “Why?”

“Your eyes are all red. What’s wrong?” he asked again. Once again trying to touch me but I just backed away.

“Must be dust or something in the closet,” I tried to dismiss.

His face hardened. “C’mon, Y/N I know something’s wrong. I don’t want you to hide things from me. I want to take care of you.”

At his words the dam broke and all the thoughts and feelings I had been dealing with bubbled over. “I don't want you to have to take care of me!” A look of hurt appeared on his face and my heart ached for him. “It’s not that I don’t appreciate it, I do. I just don’t think it’s fair to you to have to comfort me whenever anything little happens. It’s pathetic,” I spat at myself.

“Hey, no, you’re not pathetic,” Luke assured me.

“You’re not listening to me,” I insisted. “How can you possibly want to be with me when I do nothing but drain you?” I stared at him, waiting for him to realize that I was a leech and leave for his own sake. But instead, he just looked endeared.

“Y/N, you are the best thing that’s ever been mine. I don’t want you to ever think that you’re a burden to me. I love you and I love that I'm the one who brings you comfort. So please, just let me love you.”

My resolve broke and I went to him, letting Luke pull me into his chest. “What did I do to deserve you?” I cried into the warmth of his chest.

“I ask myself the same,” he returned, pressing a kiss to my head.

Masterlist

[quixotical-lymbo]

howdy! hope your day is going well

if you're comfortable with it, could I please request macaque x reader general fluff headcanons?

reader is transmasc (or just male if you're not confident in writing that), chubby, very affectionate, and loves cooking.

thank you in advance. if you're unable to do this then I completely understand! 👍🏿

Warnings/Tags: Post-S2, Trust issues, tooth-rotting fluff, brief implications of self-esteem issues, Macaque being an asshole.  Word Count: 900+ words 

 How you two met: It was an accident, honestly. Macaque wasn't even supposed to be hanging around people's apartments like some weirdo–but he had a bad run-in with a few old 'friends' in the neighborhood and he happened to pick the apartment with an opened window. Before he could leave the next morning, you had already seen him. Surprisingly, you offered to patch up his wounds and shelter him until they healed enough. Reluctantly, he agreed. 

First impressions: Macaque thought you looked weak and were too naive. Given by your rounder physique and softer features he assumed you wouldn't hold up against him in a fight if it came down to it. Those are some of the reasons why he agreed to stay with you at first. You thought this stranger was pitiful and lonely. Not only was he banged up badly, but he seemed…troubled and in need of a friend or two. 

How you two acted around each other as….: 

Acquaintances? Somewhat guarded, but that was a given since the two of you only shared each other's names before retreating to your own sections of your apartment. Macaque had the living room and couch, while you had your bedroom or the kitchen to whip something up for him. Basically, you two were unspoken roommates that rarely crossed paths unless absolutely necessary.

Friends? Warmer, Macaque still doesn't fully open up to you, but him cracking a few jokes here and there makes the mood between you two lighten up. It definitely helped that you took note of his favorite dishes and showered him in baked goods. 

More than friends…? Woah, woah, woah, bucko. Hold your monkeys! Macaque couldn't…no he shouldn't…why does he want to get close to you, but at the same time want to run away? What were you doing to him, was this some sort of witchcraft or something? Macaque definitely had a realization that he was getting wayyyy too comfortable around you and would be cold/wishy-washy with you for a few weeks until you confronted him about it. 

It was then he decided to take a leap of faith for the first time in a while and spill out what he was feeling (he definitely didn't say EVERYTHING EVERYTHING, but it was enough to get his point across). 

Thankfully, you felt the same way—confused, yet weirdly comfortable around him unlike anybody else you've ever been around. It was more than a comfy feeling when you were around him, more of a need to be in his good graces and wanting to be a bit more than 'roommates.' Macaque made you feel..safe, if anything. 

What does Macaque love like about you?

He likes how compassionate you are, but also hates how generous and naive you can be at times which he admits he takes advantage of sometimes.

He likes  how he doesn't even have to ask for things when you're already one step ahead and give him what he needs/wants, whether that's a hot meal, tending to his wounds, or even just being there for him. 

Another thing he loves about you is how unapologetically courageous you are.

You aren't afraid of most things normal would be afraid of (heck, you don't even kill any bugs that crawl in your apt.), and you aren't afraid of who you are. 

Sure, sometimes he witnesses you in a few bouts of self-doubt whenever you stand in front of a mirror, but he's always there whispering nothing but praises into your ear before slowly guiding your eyes to the parts of you that he loves. 

Macaque won't admit it out loud, but the fact that his man can cook, bake, and is a good person without all the ulterior motive bullshit makes him more smug than ever.

It's not that you're a prize, object, or anything, but the fact you actually want him seriously is an ego boost for him. 

My man, my man, my man 24/7 365. 

It's time for some fun lil' tidbits!

Macaque was confused when he saw your old family photos feature two adults and what appeared to be the girl version of you. When you explained to him that it was you before fully embracing your identity, Macaque understood and hasn't treated you any differently since, you're still his boyfriend even if he doesn't understand why you like him that much. 

Whenever you pepper his face in kisses, his body freezes and he is just a statue while his tail just starts writhing before curling around your waist. When you first did this, you were a bit startled by his reaction but after being reassured that he liked it (just wasn't used to so much touch, or rather physical touch that didn't involve being punched or choked) you continued. 

He isn't a big fan of being hugged from behind, which you quickly found out after being pinned against the kitchen counter–after a few apologies, you baked his favorite desserts and cuddled him for the rest of the afternoon. 

He loves teasing you about that one incident when you walked in on him undressing. It was hilarious watching you scramble around trying not to look at him. 

🍜 - Please let me know if anything is amiss, this is my first time writing for a transmasc reader. I do not give permission for anyone to translate, copy, republish, or plagiarize any of my written works. I provide no permission for any of my literary works to be used in artificial intelligence. sparkle banner(s) by @adornedwithlight !!

[i-amyou]

hi, I had my money stolen recently and that money had a purpose, it was to help someone I love, and I've been resolving this "problem" with the bank for days, hoping that they can recover my money to return it.

These days I had faith that everything was going to be fine, but recently I have lost hope and am "waiting" for my money back. I'm not attached to money, but it made me sad, it's a large amount and I was saving it to help someone :(

Sei que tudo é criação da mente, mas, como Ser, como posso tentar me convencer de que de FATO já tenho isso, mesmo com as piores emoções do mundo...

Desculpe pelas palavras limitantes, não consegui encontrar outra maneira de explicar. Aceito dicas, qualquer coisa. (não me tome como vítima, só me sinto confuso, nunca lidei com algo assim). Eu agradeço 🥺💞

Hello!

Okay, @cassandra-xx translated last part for me because I don't trust google translate at all, it roughly means:-

I know that everything is a creation of the mind , but , how to Be, how can I convince myself for good than I have this, even for the worst emotions of the world. Sorry for the limiting words, I couldn't find other ways to explain it. I accept any tips ,no matter wich one. (Don't see me as a victim, I am only confused, I never encountered something like that). Thank you

And if you are accepting any tips, then I have only one for you :)

There is no need to convince anyone of anything. There's only one thing to seemingly DO in whatever situation that might be experienced, and that's to Observe, see it for the illusion/appearance that it is, and just BE.

There was no money lost. No one to lose it. It's not about convincing yourself or trying to impress some sort of idea in your mind. That's LOA (!).

There's nothing but YOU. " ".

" " is the experience. And;

Experience is not BAD. Experience is not GOOD. Experience just IS.

With no labels. " " appears as whatever " " decides to appear as.

Notice. Observe. And KNOW for yourself, and all doubts would dissolve on it's own.

[crossdressingdeath]

You know, thinking about it, I was wrong before. Nico has more reason to trust Hades than Percy does Poseidon at the time of the incident in TLO!

If you think about it, Percy's only evidence that Nico should've known it was a trap is that "[Nico] know[s] what [Hades]'s like", but... Nico's view of Hades would be much different from Percy's. Remember, Nico has a room in the palace at this time; Hades couldn't send him to his room the way he does later if he didn't have a room to be sent to. He's been living there! Hades allows him to live there! At this point Nico doesn't know that Hades used to visit him, Maria and Bianca regularly or that he actively stepped in to protect Nico and Bianca from Zeus and keep them safe until the time of Titan's Curse, but he does know that Hades is letting him live in his palace. Gods don't do that. Percy has to nearly die to even get a brief visit to Poseidon's palace, and he very openly knows that Poseidon wouldn't have claimed him to begin with if he didn't need him. Not to mention Poseidon has that whole thing where he explicitly tells Percy he wishes he didn't exist, which... is the sort of thing that's gonna have a negative impact on how you view your dad.

So when Percy says that Nico knows what Hades is like, what he's saying is basically... "The Underworld is evil and Hades is evil, how could you not know that," which is kind of an incredibly shitty thing to say to the child of Hades living in the Underworld? I mean, it is kind of just "You shouldn't trust your father because I think he's evil and the Underworld is evil", if I was Nico I'd be very concerned about what Percy thought of me when he started spouting that shit. Anyway, while Hades is far from a good father at this point in the series Nico still knows him as the father who is letting him live in his palace because he has nowhere to go, stepping well outside the usual bounds of gods interacting with their kids in the process. Hell, unless I've forgotten something (possible), it's entirely possible that by this point in the timeline Hades has already told Nico about Camp Jupiter (which would show a huge amount of faith in him, again above and beyond any other godly parent). Hades can be kind of a dick because all gods are dicks to their kids, but Nico has no particular reason not to trust him! Especially given Nico has exactly zero other adults in his life offering him any support and at this point in the timeline he doesn't remember his mother, so Hades is basically all he's got and he has no points of comparison other than his also-a-child sister who kinda sorta abandoned him (not going into her reasoning here but it was A Thing that would probably influence the way Nico thought about... caregivers, I guess, for lack of a better term to describe the twelve year old put in charge of her little brother) and Minos (who is... Minos. Enough said). It makes sense that when Hades says "Do this small thing for me and I'll tell you about your mother" Nico believes him, because while Hades has been awful to Nico at times there's no evidence that he's ever lied to him. Why should Nico doubt his father who gave him a place to stay when he had nothing and no one just because that father happens to be Hades and the place to stay happens to be the Underworld?

...Also in hindsight knowing just how much Hades spoils Nico (for a godly parent at least) in the future makes the "You know what Hades is like" thing kind of hilarious. Ah yes, the guy who gives Nico a place to stay when he has nowhere to go despite gods Not Doing That, tells him at least some of the gods' most guarded secrets and essentially takes it on faith that he'll keep his mouth shut, lets him get away with breaking the law that the dead stay dead without even a slap on the wrist, promises him a place in the palace when he eventually dies (which may or may not imply that Hades intends to make Nico a god when he bites it, but it's certainly not normal procedure for Underworld kids), tells him to his face he deserves everything, and backs up that claim by fulfilling his wishes with no payment required or debt accrued just because Nico asked if Hades thinking he deserved everything meant he'd do so (because Nico is a little shit, we love to see it) despite Hades claiming that wasn't actually what he meant. Why would Nico trust that guy? (I know, I know, it's not proof of anything at this point because most of that hasn't happened yet. But it is funny how completely Percy's claim that Nico should distrust his dad is eventually proved wrong by Hades spoiling his kid rotten.)

[liminalpebble]

Stray: Part 10 and Epilogue

Masterlist link

Stray: Part 10

Loki and Frigga sat across from each other in her private parlor. The younger prince was tapping his foot and fiddling with his hair nervously as he asked, “Are you sure she'll be okay? This must all be so overwhelming for her.”

Frigga smiled placidly and reached out her hand to hold her son's, stilling his restless movements. “She'll be more than fine. They'll take very good care of her. You have my word.”

Frigga let the silence settle for a moment before she said. “I'm glad to meet her. Surprised, but glad nonetheless. I can see why you are so taken with her. She has a good heart...a grateful heart.”

Loki sighed, trying to hide the depth of his feelings in front of the one person whom he could never fool. “You've met many of the men and women I'd grown fond of over the years. Is this so different for you?” he asked, trying to sound nonchalant as he eased back into his chair, crossing his long legs, and stroking a finger pensively over his lips.

Frigga nodded, “For you, yes. It's very different. Or rather, you are very different. It's never been anything...real...before, has it? I've never really seen you in love before.”

“What makes you think I'm in love?”

“Love...real love...makes us all spill open a little, and I can see it. She has melted some of that ice around your heart. I didn't think it possible.”

“So you've been watching me, Mother?” he said with a smirk, which Frigga mirrored.

“Perhaps, a bit. I thought it best to let things unfold naturally. But I think the time has come to involved myself. Come with me.”

He followed her to a corner of her study, to a golden chest, where she reached in to lift out a glowing golden apple. “Do you love her, my son? Do you want a lifetime with her? Our lifetime...surpassing her own.”

He took a deep fortifying breath. “I do. So much...so much that it feels like a sort of insanity, a madness. Now that I've known her care and companionship, I can't imagine the remainder of my life without her.”

Frigga grinned and her eyes welled slightly, “Then offer her this. Help her become one of us. Help her learn and explore everything your curious minds crave. Have your adventures with your beloved for eons to come.”

Loki smiled, but just as quickly, it faded and he looked down, eyebrows furrowed with worry. “But Mother, what if she says 'no'? What if she refuses me...now or centuries from now? What if I don't deserve her? What if...”

Frigga put a finger to his mouth to silence him, “Loki, that is how love works. You risk, and you trust and you doubt and you fear, for the sake of another person. It's not a tournament to be won. It's a leap of faith.”

Without any further words, but with tears in both of their eyes, they embraced each other tightly as the prince whispered to his mother, “thank you.”

------

Loki found his human in lavish chambers, adorned in a fine Asgardian gown, and charming half a dozen ladies in waiting with your disarming demeanor. You were twirling around in the voluminous dress with a big smile, like a little girl. You were startled and blushed a little when you realized he was standing there.

“Whew! You scared me! I didn't hear you coming.”

He chuckled, offering his widest, most charming smile. His heart was bursting out of his chest at the mere sight you. “Apologies, darling. No one ever does. You look absolutely ravishing, my lovely princess,” he declared as he spun you around in his arms. He set you down lightly then held both of your hands in his.

You gave him a worried look. “What...what's wrong. Have you been crying?” you asked gently, holding your warm palm to his cheek.

“Yes. Yes I have, but they are tears of the greatest joy. I have to ask you something very important.”

He gestured the ladies away, leaving the two of you alone. You nodded, and felt the breath stop in your throat. The world came to a stand still as you wondered what he was about to say. Loki's hand gleamed green then a radiant flawless golden apple appeared in his hands. “I want to offer you a bite of this apple. If you eat of it, you will have a life as long as mine, become a goddess by my side for ages as we traverse the universe. I can't imagine a life without you...without your love and kindness and cleverness and care and your laugh and the look of joy and gratitude in your eyes when you I've pleased you. I love you...so much. Will you do me the honor of spending eternity with me?”

Giddy excitement shot up like a rocket within you, making your cheeks piping hot and bringing tears to your eyes as you met his intense ones of aquamarine. “I...I don't deserve this.” was the first thought that escaped your lips.

“Darling...you deserve all of this and more,” Loki said, pulling you close to kiss you warmly and softly, holding your face in his careful elegant hands. “Please, be my princess.”

“Yes...yes....yes! I love you, too. Yes,” was all you could say, breathing out the words over and over again as you nodded vehemently. Loki interrupted this stream of affirmation by meeting your lips again, taking his time to taste you. It would be your last kiss with him as a mere mortal.

When you finally took a bite of that otherworldly golden apple, it was the sweetest fruit you had ever tasted; almost as sweet and divine as the destiny ahead of you, almost as sweet and divine as the god holding you.

----

Epilogue

It was a gleaming bright white December morning in Seattle. Rather than rain, ice had dominated every inch of the terrain and snow glistened off the buildings. It was so cold, you thought, but at least it was sunny for a change. As you stood on the balcony of the most luxurious hotel the city had to offer, you were grateful to have this as your final memory of your city (at least for awhile). The sun was shining on you, as bright and fresh as your new life.

In another part of town, a small apartment stood clean and empty, ready for the stories of someone else's life to fill it. A polite letter and the final month's rent were dropped quietly into the landlord's mailbox. All your beloved books, records, and anything else you wanted to hang onto was tucked away, safe and sound, in what Loki called his “pocket universe”. You considered just letting go of everything you owned, pondered the appeal of a blank slate, but Loki dissuaded you. He begged you to keep your records. He wanted to dance with you to the soundtrack of your love's origin story over and over again. He could be sentimental that way.

It felt good to tie up loose ends. You made sure a gracious letter of resignation made its way to Mr. Mullen. Although Loki insisted it was far more polite than what that worm deserved, you were determined to take the high road, and he loved you all the more for that.

The last loose end was your favorite to tie up, and you did so with a big golden ribbon. Janet found a gift and an envelope tucked under the cash register that morning; her name gracing the front in elegant calligraphy. The note was a simple one.

Janet, you are always worthy. You are so young, and I know you're afraid and uncertain, but you will grow and do great things. I know it. I've run off with my prince charming. I hope to see you again someday. All my love. P.S. The gift is something to keep you warm.

Janet read it with tears in her eyes, then she opened the package to find a soft blue scarf. She held it tightly against herself. She was a little startled when her first customer of the day asked her a question, and hurried to dry her eyes.

“Oh! Sir, I'm so sorry! How can I help you?”

She looked up to see the largest man she had ever seen smiling brightly at her as his stunning blue eyes met hers. “I'm so sorry, dear lady. I hope you're not in distress. I wonder if you might aide me in selecting a 'tie'.”

He nodded his head of long blonde hair and took her hand to kiss it.

Janet's eyes went as wide as they could go in shock, and then she giggled uncontrollably, thinking, Jeez, maybe Henry does have a brother after all.

----

Loki stepped lightly over to you as he adjusted his tie and smoothed out the crisp lines of his black suit. “Almost ready, darling?” he asked in his dulcet baritone, as he came up behind you to kiss your bejeweled neck.

“Almost. Can you help me with this zipper?” You asked, giving up your struggle with the very smartly tailored traveling dress. It was a dream of soft royal purple that hugged all of your curves well (which delighted your prince). You'd swear he helped you pick out the ones with zippers in the back just so he had an excuse to do this.

Loki came up close behind you and kissed your cheek. As he deftly slid the pull all the way up he said, “Of course, but you know I enjoy sliding you out of this oh so much more.”

You both let out a mischievous chuckle then kissed sweetly, sighing with satisfaction. He helped you into your pea coat, hat and gloves, before donning his own. Opening the hotel room door for you to exit ahead of him, he said with his biggest dimpled grin, “Ready?”.

You nodded and took his offered arm. “Yes, but where are we going?”

As your polished dress shoes clicked down the hallway side by side, Loki slid his other hand in his pocket, holding tightly to a tattered green loop of leather with his name written on it. He felt his heart warm as he said, meeting your eyes, “Wherever you'd like. The sky's the limit, my love.”

@averagetmblrusser @primrosesposts @fruityfucker @arunabrak @mischief2sarawr @ladyofthestayingpower @acidcasualties @unlucky-number-13 @goblingirlsarah @gigglingtiggerv2 @lokihiddleston @chokeanddagger @lokischambermaid @lokisgoodgirl @marcotheflychair @smolvenger @alexakeyloveloki @littlespaceyelf @little-wormwood @loopsisloops @joyful-enchantress @eleniblue @loz-3 @the-haven-of-fiction @sweetsigyn @muddyorbs @icytrickster17 @holdmytesseract @thenerdyoldersister @thedistractedagglomeration @sailorholly @coldnique @peaches1958 @infinitystoner @peachyjinx @mischiefmaker615 @jennyggggrrr @tripleyeeet @itsybitchylittlewitchy @mochie85 @huntress-artemiss @madi0987 @buttercupcookies-blog @annoyingsweetsstranger @anukulee @aesonmae @angelofasgard16 @salempoe @n3rdybirdee

End Note: My dear sweet readers, I can't thank you enough for all of the love and comments and sharing and feedback. And a big thank you to @mischief2sarawr for the idea request. I fell into this story because I really really needed some softness and love and fluff right now. I hope those of you who read this in need of the same thing have found that comfort too. Sending you all of my love and gratitude, Peb.

[whohasfourthumbsand]

Greetings, GRAE. This is Kennedi, callsign "Lockbreaker", of MSMC-796. I don't believe we've met.

I came to visit Arthur - his commander tipped me off that he was in severe need of a break. I understand he's been working himself to death as of late; hopefully my visit has convinced him to rest, if only for a short while.

I know nothing of the events which precede this interaction, but Gray has informed me that you have something for Slipshod. I will relay any messages given to them faithfully, and deliver any items you may have as well.

I myself have very little to say to you, other than this: thank you for taking such good care of Arthur for so long. His reliance on your support, in absence of all others, is unmistakable. The fact that you have proven a level-headed, protective, and ultimately faithful co-pilot throughout your many years together endears me to you greatly. I can only hope you two continue to serve each other well in the future, even as he learns to trust his squadmates and commander the same way he trusts you - inherently.

-- Kennedi

{{+ A pleasure to meet you at last, Lockbreaker; }}

{{+ It feels like just yesterday, the young Pilot was talking my ear off about this remarkable woman he had met, and how her words had helped him find his own self-confidence. You have inspired a remarkable change in the Pilot, this I am certain you have noticed; In such a short time, you and your fellow mercenaries have led my Pilot and I into the stars, which- I must admit- was not an outcome I had expected for this life. Carina had seemed like a wonderful opportunity, however we quickly found it to be the sort of place that sought to keep your boots firmly upon its surface. I had assumed that, in spite of my Pilot's explorative nature, I was perfectly content with remaining on Carina, only assisting at the young Pilot's behest... }}

{{+ ...I do not enjoy being wrong, Ms. Kennedi, but I will not dance around my own mistakes in the name of ego. Mystique and mystery are not my friend, you see, merely dialects that I have picked up as the world has continued to move without me. I will admit, my compliance was founded on ignorance; The young Pilot stares out at the stars, and suddenly both he and I are captivated by the weightless world. For this, I felt the need to thank you- and the rest of Heaven's Fury- personally. My words do not always convey themselves well through the Pilot's mediums. }}

{{+ Thusly; Thank you, Lockbreaker. I am proud to see how far you have come, and how you have used your experiences to guide another. From one "weapon" to another, I am personally delighted to see the essence of personhood alive and well in your eyes. Your words allow me to rest well, knowing this is not something you take for granted; }}

{{+ Now, I would apologize for speaking tangentially, or for becoming carried away, but this is a flaw you and I both embrace. The matter at hand persists; Slipshod's present. Please relay, if you may, that this device harbors a mutual test of faith. I am confident that someone of their background will understand the importance, the meaning, behind a gift such as this; Contained within this cache is the answer to many of their questions, and the few topics that I deliberately avoided during a bygone exchange. In order to access the information, Slipshod will have to decrypt it themself, utilizing whatever program they see fit; It is up to Slipshod to discern whether or not I would encrypt something 'harmful'. I hope that I have never given them reason to doubt me. }}

{{+ As for the cache's content, that is for Slipshod to relay, or to keep close at hand. It is nothing that pertains to you, nor Heaven's Fury, rest assured. Surely, you trust that Slipshod would not keep anything important from you or Phoenix. }}

[katyusha454]

Random idea I had today that should be a fic but I'll probably never write it so here, have the outline.

Okay but imagine being Durge. You wake up on the nautiloid with nothing but a name and some intrusive thoughts. No memory whatsoever. You're confused as fuck. Nothing makes any sense.

But then you find out that Shadowheart had her memories taken too. This is exciting! There's someone else like you! You wonder if maybe you're like her, if you also serve this "Shar", whoever she is. But no, Shadowheart's confident whatever took your memories wasn't Shar; your symptoms are too different from hers.

But! That doesn't mean Shar doesn't approve of you. All loss and forgetfulness ultimately belongs to her. Shadowheart is reluctant to tell you much at first, but as she gets more comfortable with you she talks more freely about her faith and you won't lie, it's kind of appealing. Your memory loss isn't a problem, it's a blessing! And oblivion doesn't sound so bad in comparison to your constant murderous urges.

Then you learn more. Shadowheart talks about torture. You read "Mistress of the Night and Friends", you visit Grymforge and learn about the sacrifices. Not only does Shar love you for your memory loss, she could also give you an outlet for your urges?!? This is awesome!

You start praying with Shadowheart. Not as often as she does, but it becomes a part of your daily routine. You spend more and more time talking about religious stuff with her. She's thrilled to have the company of someone who thinks like her, who respects her beliefs and doesn't act like she's a bad person for having them. She admits that she'd been having some doubts about her faith, but that spending time with you has really helped reassure her that she's on the right path.

By the time you reach the shadow-cursed lands, Lady Shar is sort of your unofficial patron goddess. The shadow curse does still disturb you, and it's frustrating that only Shadowheart gets protection from it, but she reassures you that it's probably just because you're not a real Sharran yet. She promises that once you get to Baldur's Gate she'll bring you to the cloister and you can join up for real.

It's probably for the best that you decide to tell that weird little butler dude to fuck off when he tells you to kill Isobel. You know you're supposed to hate Selûnites, but there's no way in hell you're gonna take orders from this nasty-ass goblin man. If he was a Sharran it'd be different, but he's very obviously not one and you don't trust him. Which is good; becoming the Slayer would have marked you out as a Bhaalist when the only god whose favor you seek is your Lady.

You complete the Gauntlet at Shadowheart's side. She explains that you don't have the religious knowledge and training necessary to be a true Dark Justiciar, but it's giving you an excellent head start if Lady Shar ever calls you to that path. The two of you practically devour the religious texts in the Silent Library, and when you find the Spear of Night you both quickly realize the implications.

Nightsong dies, of course. It's difficult to keep your urge to carve up her alabaster flesh yourself under control, but you stay strong and let Shadowheart do her duty uninterrupted. When she becomes Lady Shar's Chosen, she offers to induct you into the church right there and then, right in the heart of your Lady's domain. You eagerly accept.

What you discover beneath Moonrise Towers horrifies you. You realize that your memory loss truly is a blessing. Lady Shar has rescued you from horrors beyond imagining and you're immensely grateful. Once it's all over, you and Shadowheart celebrate a Nightfall feast in the Towers' dining hall. Most of your party does not join in.

You've never been able to feel the state of total emptiness that Shadowheart feels in her meditations. Finding out that you're a Bhaalspawn explains why. Lady Shar will never accept you now...will She?

You reject your birthright. You will serve no god but Lady Shar. When Withers brings you back from the dead, you can finally feel that sacred emptiness. For the first time in your limited memory, you feel peace at last. Now all that's left to do is help Shadowheart purge your Lady's church and put an end to the Absolute.

You got what you wanted. Why does your victory feel so hollow? So...empty?

[merge-conflict]

thinking about Goro ever leaving Arasaka is such a fun but heartbreaking thing to think about because like– what would truly make him leave? what would destroy his faith and his loyalty so utterly that he'd walk away from his identity? because it's not just a job, being a soldier is who he is, and he's specifically an Arasaka soldier. when he expresses any doubt about the life he's had or what he really wants it's always with an air of inevitability that Arasaka will exist and continue to exist. what's the alternative? he asks V, because he truly doesn't believe there can be one. he can't believe it, or if he does he has to believe it's not worth the cost, because otherwise what has his life been in service of?

but while he's stubborn and loyal, he isn't stupid. he'll deflect v or get angry when they dismiss corporations entirely not because he thinks they're shining forces of good but because he sees fighting against them as naivety. the world is hard, but that's how it is, and fighting against it will only cause more suffering.

and yet. and yet. he is blind in a particular way, that I think comes from his success and the reward for his hard work. certainly there are plenty of people like him, who were smart and worked hard and came from nothing but were never rewarded for that because they didn't do it in quite the right way, or they weren't liked, or they were simply one among hundreds and thousands, just a number on a spreadsheet– they were never someone noticed personally by Saburo Arasaka. he's absolutely conditioned to believe that the system works because it worked for him.

so to come back around to the question– what could shake his faith in that so entirely that he can start to see the lie he's pledged himself to? that this empire, this corporation is truly no better than any other, and is just as disgustingly hypocritical and pathetic when threatened as any other power?

I can see a lot of possible answers to the question, and though I'm a romantic I can't say the answer is just love– he could deny himself that, I'm sure, and any personal sort of happiness. he could tell himself anyone he loved deserves someone who can give their full attention (and how could he ever give Arasaka less than everything he has? even for his suicidal revenge he means it as a warning, a rallying cry, for Arasaka to save itself from those who would destroy it).

but! the thing about corporations is that they will tell you the rules, and their ideals, and they will enforce them. and you at some point will become a representative of that corp and make promises according to those ideals, and the corp will make a liar of you. whatever trust you've built, whatever standards you hold yourself to in order to maintain your reputation? meaningless. and that more than anything is something I think that Goro would be unable to accept, that something that was his responsibility and his promise was broken without remorse or even consultation. perhaps he could counsel himself through that doubt, and remain in the fold, but it would be one of those moments where he is truly vulnerable to break away, and certainly a reason to shake his faith.

even then– even then I don't think he could see it all at once. he's in too deep, and he wants to believe that Arasaka can work so badly, that he's blind to the reality of its existence. so even if he does break free, then what? and I think the answer to that is that he will always want to believe that if juuust a few things were fixed Arasaka would be on the right path, or would be redeemed.

and that deprogramming will take forever to undo, if he ever lived long enough to try it.

anyway I started writing this post because I'm writing that initial break from his pov where he's struggling with it and internally he's just thinking: Maybe if I kill myself righting this wrong Saburo will understand and Arasaka will go back to being something I can feel proud of! and I want to chew through the drywall why doesn't he get it (I know why)

[justajsworkshop]

No bc I used to be OBSESSED with the void state (I don't even like calling it 'void' anymore). To me, it always felt like, this state was some sort of 'instant assurance'. I realized that I didn't trust myself enough. But I don't feel that anymore and it has been so liberating.

Also, I've often heard Edward Art say- say yes to everything in imagination and trust in that 'yes'. And I always used to question, HOW do I actually trust? But now I find myself effortlessly doing so. I'm not looking for any feeling or chasing anything now, it feels peaceful knowing that I AM is all there is. I don't know how this shift happened but everything is starting to click. I still have moments of doubt but it doesn't scare me like it used to. I used to listen to Edward Art over and over again to find what I was doing wrong and it was all from a place of fear. All of that is gone, just like that.

(I'm the prev anon, sorry for my rants)

yeah, frfr. i used to ask myself the same question about how to trust, especially from listening to edward's lectures, and the more you persist on this journey, it's inevitable things will start clicking into place. it has to because all you're doing is seeking yourself, and eventually you have to find you because you're all that's here.

i think edward had a video where he talked about man being destined for resurrecting himself as his I AM awareness (not his language, just my best recollection), and i 100% agree with him, which ofc is what ends up manifesting in physical reality.

tom actually shared a really good video yesterday about faith (trust, same thing), and how the faith isn't for god, it's for you. god doesn't need your faith because god already gave you everything through your I AM awareness. we're the ones who need faith so we persist in choosing who we desire to be even without physical signs and evidence.

it's really rewarding when you reach that state of peace because sure, you can keep manifesting thing after thing, but the real prize above all is you knowing yourself as god.

[zzencat]

Tarot Mini Reading Request

My initials: SR, Sabrina Rocha

17.06.2004

Sun-Moon-Mercury-Venus-Lilith Gemini ♊️

His Initials: RP, Rico P.

29.11.1991

Coworker at gastro, leader/shift supervisor 2nd in-command. Charismatic, hard to get to know personally. Problem-solver, strategic and professional. Great at teamwork. Gym rat. No hobbies. No faith in love or trust, but seems to be devoted to God (wears cross), always has his doppio espresso. Speaks Spanish and likes Shisha bars.

Green eyes, tall and very fit, beautiful smile. Blueish-greenish grey aura/vibes.

Sort of became a little more softie towards me. Caring when I don’t make him book food for my dinner (one of his tasks for the team), sometimes double-asking. Defending me from a disrespectful coworker on some occasions. Seemingly being closer to me at times. Or like that time he stared almost intensely at my eyes….and I tried to hold the stare until I looked down and away…shy as hell.

Last time we worked together, I gifted him a letter. Sort of love letter confessing that I like him more than just a coworker and inviting him to a coffee date. Also reassuring him I respect him a lot as a person and hope nothing will change after this if he feels uncomfortable or can’t reciprocate the feelings back. At the end telling a little more about me via a self-made quote and songs. A few drawings and scents (coffee, vanilla and lemongrass) on the letter and envelope.

What will the answer be or rely to be most likely? Positive, negative. Any other cards telling more, as it’s a short reading?

I’d be willing to expand on that through paying a little extra amount for more card pulls and energy-reading.

Thank you so much already!

sabrina sorry but does his surname happen to be…puerto?? nah nah im kidding 😂😂😂 my own lil jokes haha im playin

rico’s energy?

ok so…he kinda has a weird energy to him? it’s kinda strange. it’s like he’s putting on some sort of act or something or maybe he has to but yeah you’re right about him being hard to open up. he’s getting there yes, also correct.. but there’s something that’s going to be revealed and it will change everything. it was probably your little confession, but he’s taking everything into account. it’s also strange that i got deception like 3 times in the reading already. not in a bad way but like…hiding his true feelings? ik this is a little late so idk if he’s answered you yet, but in his mind he’ll try to keep things as peaceful and harmonious, at least at work. i will say that whatever the outcome is, you’ll try to keep yourself balanced and logical. it’s gonna be hard at work but you’ll try really, realllllly hard. you might hold back feelings or suppress some emotions. also i pulled some advice for you. again, whatever the outcome, make sure you don’t change yourself. love will come to you naturally. ALSO!!!! be very careful materially. don’t be sharing finances out so easily, NO MATTER WHO THEY ARE!!!!!!! very important. be careful of theft as well. be careful who you let in easily. if you’re already guarded and are an alert person, that’s going to do you some good for now. i think you’re a fair person or at least you want to act fairly. you might have some moments where you feel like you have to overcompensate or prove yourself and your worth, especially at this job. be careful that you don’t become greedy materially. AND if people know you’re a hardworker and they happen to know how much you make, even if it’s more than them maybe, be careful with that as well. i want you to be super cautious money wise. you’ll feel down at times and to deal with it, you could put that energy into work or other things, so make sure you rest yourself and give yourself time to sit down and process emotions sometimes ok? i don’t think you give up easily either so good on you! you’re just getting started hahah. and you are worthy alright? don’t ever doubt it.

i think there’s possibility for there to be a love connection (in the future)! it just probably won’t happen super soon bc of financial reasons. he could feel pretty stuck and unsure how to really move on from now. whatever the outcome, he doesn’t want there to be drama between you two or work. he’d like to keep everything civil. if he’s a little avoidant, it’s probably bc you’re taking steps to pursue him. not that he thinks it’s bad! he’s just kind of in that…uncertain period, esp emotionally. it’s not you tho! not your fault or anything. the good thing is that he’ll try to be nice about everything. maybe it won’t happen so soon, but there is definitely a chance for you in the future with this guy. it could also be an age thing, so maybe he’s waiting for you to be more financially stable or just ready in general. he could also be in that energy where if he pursues this relationship, he’s thinking about *everything* that could change in his life.

that’s all i have for you sabrina!! thank you for joining the game :)

[alexispink31]

My entire life I’ve battled depression, a few years back I got really bad, I had no idea how much pain I had been in before my life was ruined cause of my own choice of how I was living. I was so angry with life, I was hurting, I was afraid, I felt so much pain in my heart that I couldn’t bare my own thoughts anymore my mind was so full of thoughts that I couldn’t even think straight. I had no clue who I even was anymore. It made me feel weak, I was in panic mode all the time, I felt extremely lonely, my life had been falling apart, I had reacted in such a way that I had no idea what to expect from myself. I became numb while I sat with tears in my eyes, I felt my stomach ache from the stress of being in the most difficult place of life while I was hurting. I was beyond exhausted and tired. I didn’t want to feel the pain, much longer I was struggling with it all.

I had no energy for the smallest of tasks, I was so stressed out, exhausted, I couldn’t even get myself out of my bed I had to take a break from feeling so much of the stress that was causing my anxiety to be so intense and it took me a long time to get through the healing phase of being able to breathe again.. I was so anxious to get out of my head that I was just trying to take one day at a time. I couldn’t breathe at times, I was struggling with my asthma so bad.

I had to get out of the house and get my stuff done and that was a huge struggle for me I was so lost I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing anymore. I was in a very miserable place, but despite all of that I kept going. But the things that were happening in my life were not easy to cope with, they were a result of my own lack of self awareness. The things being done to me by this narcissist person that made it a hell of a nightmare to be in such a horrible mindset.

He was terrible and cruel to me every day. He was so toxic towards me I had prayed to God every day, somedays I was on my hands and knees begging for help to get me through this difficult time in my life. My ex was beyond ugly to me, his personality was so toxic, he treated me however he pleased, I was an object to him nothing more nothing less. He had no idea how much he was hurting me so I had to go through the process of heart break. I was very angry at him for being so selfish, he didn’t understand how I was devastated about him being so naive about everything he was putting me through. I chased him around for what seemed like a lifetime, i was proving myself to him, that I was worth fighting for, i begged for his attention, to be heard, to make him see that I was worth not getting cheated on, that I deserved someone to stay faithful to me and I was willing to do whatever it took to make us work.

I have struggled to voice my own thoughts, opinions and feelings for the past 30 years most of my life, I was too scared to speak out and ask for help from people, instead I trusted my own judgment to do it all on my own.

Playing the role of a mother, I was also working to support my children. I was battling postpartum depression shortly after giving birth to my son. I hadn’t had time to grieve over the fact I was in such pain that it was hard to keep up with all of the things I had been dealing with for so long..

I was being abused by my ex every single day for years, I was called horrible names, I was chocked, I was getting kicked around that was a huge embarrassment to me. I would cry because of the way I was being mistreated by him. He was a very unstable person, he has no sort of good character or any other form of self respect that he has to offer to anyone. He was unkind to me, the people who I was the closest to, he was very disrespectful and harsh towards my children, family, and friends.

It was a lot of things that he had done to me that made him very very angry at me, he would say all the time that he knew I deserved better than him, because of what he was doing to me, he was without a doubt the most narcissistic person I ever met. I stand by that.. he is not worth my time, blood, or tears. I was exhausted of the life I was living.

I had so much anger.. I had no idea how to deal with the situation that was so much more than I could possibly handle. I was coping to the reality of it all, the fact it was a lot more than I was able to handle. The night terrors, the way that it was suppose to be different, the things that were being said to me only to find out that they were all just lies that were being told to me by him..

I had been questioning my own life because how could someone claim to love and care for me while also hurting me?! I built a life with this person, I was fortunate enough to be blessed with two babies with him. It all went downhill afterwards, I was so devastated, I couldn’t even imagine the thought of how I would survive without him the thought itself was too much to even comprehend it all. I couldn’t imagine what our life’s would be without each other. the thought of loving you so deeply, I was willing to do anything to make it work out. I knew that I was willing to go through hell with you but how fair is that to anyone?!

I was so overwhelmed by the pain that it was difficult knowing what to do, how to fix it all!!!!!! I couldn’t do anything about it because of the fact I was fighting for the impossible.

And then it all went down the drain, I had to get a reality check on the truth that I was doing nothing wrong, I was protecting my children from all the evil that was happening to them and I. I was sad that my pain was so severe that I was going into a state of shock. I couldn’t believe I was in such a terrible situation I just wanted to wake up, be able to wake up out of this horrible nightmare that I was in. I was sickened by the way that my life was shattered into a billion pieces. Yet, I was the only one who was capable of putting myself back together, every single piece of me I had to make a choice to be able to heal from the trauma that I endured that had taken me through some of the darkest days of my life. I am so grateful for the opportunity to be able to be a light to those who have been through this awful experience while living through domestic violence.

It is so much more than just an inconvenience to be able to share my experiences with others. Domestic violence is serious, nobody should have to be afraid of their own life. I have a lot of people who witnessed the violence that occurred during the time I was with him, they have witnessed the worst of it all. My mom being a part of the chaotic life I was living through. It is very sad to hear that I have lived through this, it brings tears to my eyes because why does anybody deserve this kind of torture?! I am grateful for the experience of my own strength to overcome the worst of this, I hope that I will grow stronger as I heal from this all, who have suffered through the abuse and trauma.

I hope that we who have faced these horrible battles will find the courage to stand firm against the evilness that we all face in the world. I pray that whoever is in the position of being in a situation like this that you are capable of being heard by someone.

I was not worth being loved by him anymore because he had hurt me so badly, he was so proud of it. He had no remorse whatsoever, he had no self control and he had no idea how much he had hurt his own family in the process of his own chaos and his destruction. He was hurting his kids, he was hurting me.. He didn’t care the type of damage he was causing me, he was wanting to make my life miserable. He was proud of himself for all the chaos and pain he was causing, it made him feel better about his own life choices. I’m very appreciative of that heart break that I had to go through the depths of my life to see what I truly deserve. I have been through a hell of a time in my life.. someday I hope to be able to be loved by somebody again, I crave for a gentle love that will never question our love for one another. I pray God brings me love that is healthy, someone who is faithful to me, who is willing to love me and my babies.

I didn’t know how much of a difference it made me feel about the way I was treated during this time of my life, I was judged, I was held to a higher standard of self worth, I am now the most humble women, I understand why certain things happen to us, we should be open minded and aware of what is happening around us.

I am grateful for my struggles to be able to express my feelings the way that I should be able to and most important to be able to say that I’m not alone in this life.

I’ve learned my worth, I will never forget that I was born in a society where people are not always kind to others but rather a person that is willing to stand in their own path and be able to make a difference to others. I am unique in my own way. I am a very different person, I’m okay with that.

I felt I was being punished for being human.

I was hurting, I was sad, I was severely depressed…

I felt like a burden to everyone around me, it made me hate myself so much that even when I had a lot of people who had my back it hadn’t felt that way.

I hadn’t asked for my life to turn into something that was so unbearable for me. I just wanted someone to understand how draining my soul was..

I never wanted to have gone through the trouble of being a woman who was incapable of being heard, to go through so much of heart ache the fear of losing myself and being unable to fight for my own sanity, and my happiness. It was the worst feeling in life to feel this way in my whole existence. To feel worthless, I felt like I was being treated horribly by the people who were suppose to be my people. I felt so much heartache than anyone could imagine. Life has taught me that there was a lot of things that were not meant to happen in my lifetime but that there is something special about being able to live through the pain of losing your self, while slowly building myself back up. Your life has meaning and your own feelings matter to me because I care so much about YOU!! WHOEVER YOU ARE YOU ARE WORTHY 🤍

This relationship was a nightmare for me. I don’t even care about your opinion of my life.

You felt how you felt, I felt like I had no choice but to be honest with myself I didn’t even know who you were then and I can care less about who you are now.

I was so broken, the way he poured so much evil into me he could have given two fucks about me he never cared about me at all.

He treated me like a worthless garbage can and that says enough about him. I deserved to be treated better than this, by the person who I had been in love with. You made me realize how much you weren’t deserving of my love. You didn’t deserve access to me. It’s sad that people get treated so poorly, badly enough that they are being forced to go through the worst possible phase of life on their own and not be able to get a proper explanation for why they deserved to be treated so poorly by their own person who was suppose to be the one who was my saving grace instead you were a horrible mistake and a terrible lesson learned.

I suffered from the pain of being treated like this which caused me to go into a mental breakdown.

It was a horrifying traumatic abusive relationship with a narcissist who can bring you to the point of vulnerability.

I didn’t deserve to be treated this badly, there is lessons learned that are needed to be taught, be a good listener or be a helping hand for others.

We learn to have grace and peace in our hearts as we grow stronger each day to be able to do what we need to do to get through these tough times in life.

Nobody’s been harder on me than me.

I know that I’m a better person than I was when I was hurting, I know I am a better mom than I was when I was hurting, I know I am a better friend than I was when I was hurting, I know I am a better daughter than I was when I was hurting, I’m a better sister than I was when I was hurting…

I am only human. I’m not a bad person, I just want to be able to get back to my normal self again..

I went from having long hair to completely going short with it, I’ve heard that hair can hold a lot of memories, it can also hold a lot of emotions, feelings, and pain. It makes me feel better about myself after I cut it off. Letting go of your fears is not an easy thing to do but it’s the most powerful way to get rid of all the worries you have and make sure that you’re ready to take the leap of faith to get back to your own self.

You are what makes you stronger, you have to keep going forward and make sure you are able to get back on the right path to the next chapter of the story you are telling. The person who has been fighting against you for years, yet still has nothing to offer you in life. The individual who has been fighting against you has been the one who is the problem, they have lost their own way of existence they now suffer from the consequences of their own decisions. They have to live with their choices, they will be affected by this, they will suffer for eternity. Sooner or later they will feel the pain of losing you. They will remember you for how they destroyed your heart and your life. They have no idea how much it will hurt them when they remember the memories of the times they had you in their life, the fact they tried breaking the one person, who was there for them in the past and who was always there for them with so much love and forgiveness that is what they will live with that for the rest of their lifetime!!!!!!

You will feel the most loved by everyone around you for your soul that is so special.

You have to be there for yourself this time. You’re a priority, you have a lot to offer to yourself to help others in your life as you are now in the position of being a part of sharing your story. Don’t let anyone make you feel that you aren’t worthy of being loved. I’m beyond thankful for still being here. For as many times I had wanted to give up. I made the most of my life by being able to keep fighting. The only thing that matters is the strength to keep me going through this process of grief, suffering, healing, and being able to see the things I once had to endure in order to be able to see what was truly worth the sacrifice of my own body and my own soul.

The only person who can be saved by the grace of Jesus is anyone who has ever seen him in the most horrific way possible to be a hero in his entire existence the one that will save you from your own misery and the ones who are the only person that is willing to give you a chance to be the one that can be helped by the one that has given me the most valuable gift of all of this life to be able to live with it and be able to have the peace of mind and to have a better understanding of life than the one that we have now in our own heart Prayers are always the best and the most important thing to do. I have to be able to keep going through this every single day because of the fact I have little one’s who look after me every single day.

I hope you find peace in this life because you deserve it and you are beautiful, you are a very beautiful precious soul. 🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍

[rrat-king]

walk with me bird,,, thinking about kristen's lack of self preservation especially in sophmore year- she does crazy shit again and again and it is funny but like. when you actually look at it, its like this elaborate performance. so much going on in kristen's brain, losing her family, (we know she's clearly still thinking about it with the start of sy being her returning to her brothers) losing her religion and then recreating it and still feeling lost.

all her life being full and told that this is the thing- that will protect you as long as you are good so kristen is good and then realizes oh. i was meant for something terrible actually, my church who vowed to protect me is actually trying to make me a hellmouth. like oh. great well i dont feel safe in that anymore, im always arguing with my parents because even they are still polluted with their religion but she lets it go she tries to find something else. and then she ends fy with her new religion and immediately doesnt like it, over the summer it still doesnt click and she changes it again, she puts her faith or even lack of it at the forefront as she does these insane choices, like a leap of faith. like oh someone has got to save me if i do this- surely someone will. (also pushing my agenda of kristen's faith eventually forming into believing in her friends bc they are the ones who always save her not the gods even though i do love cass)

like ally talking about chaos not being cute anymore really makes me think of all this- because it's like kristen being like oh well if it goes wrong than at least it's some sort of relief from this pressure of being something and at least im not plagued with thinking about not being good enough for my own parents. like her being so not aggressive but trying to counter sandralynn too- like not wanting to view her as a parental figure but as a person. kristen like almost tries to parent her in a way which sounds weird but its very like she can't turn it off in her head because she's been raised with expectation so she does feel on the same level as adults when in reality she is not but kristen believes like oh i can solve this here maybe u shouldnt be doing this thing in her relationship. i think part of it is kristen not wanting to see a parent become better and then have to wonder why her's didn't. like was she not enough for them to want to me better. it's so complex i adore kristen's character and it kinda surprises me how often she becomes very 2d in the fandom but alas, many thoughts about her

i am absolutely walking with you. i love what your talking about with her dynamic with sandra lynn (which. i will always be crazy about her and sandra lynn they are just both so intersting in thier relationships) but yeah it makes a lot of sense that she doesn't know how to properly interact with her if you think about the amount of pressure she has been given to be a spiritual leader through church or if you hc her as a parentified older sister to her little brothers (which i do personally) so she's not thinking about her interaction with sandra lynn as like, a regular adult cuz she hasn't really had those interactions before, especially when it comes to an adult not trusting her.

and i think that's why she just feels so insane in sophmore year, jsut like, she's going from something super rigid to something where it feels like she can do anything and that's fucking scary. like she has a place to stay but she doesn't really have any parents to answer to, she has a god but she has so much doubt it doesn't feel reliable, all she really has as stability is her friends and her girlfriend, and i feel like she is just incredibly reckless cuz like, she's doing better but its almost like she has nothing to lose? but she does. and she did, and i think that was what beardsley was saying about the chaos not being cute anymore, like kristen was acting like she was invinvible at times and that not only got her hurt, but also those around her, and im excited to see how she grows from that.

[bumblingbabooshka]

I'm bored so here's a WIP about Chakotay & Tuvok!

____ Tuvok was a good fighter. It was just one of those infuriating little things about him. He didn't carry himself like one, he didn't speak like one, he didn't look like one, but when you were fighting him you knew beyond any shadow of doubt that he was one.

When Chakotay had first met him and made him part of his crew he'd insisted they spar together. The Maquis needed minds - too many fists were too eager to join for what the then-captain still thought were the wrong reasons: people who wanted to kill and brawl rather than strategize and fight for anything.

Chakotay wasn't head of the Maquis. There was no head (officially, lest Starfleet or the Cardassians cut it off). He couldn't control who was let in and those who could were too desperate for more hands to turn almost any away. But he could control who became part of his crew.

He had a certain sense about people. He often got strong feelings about them the moment he laid eyes on them - it was why he'd chosen B'Elanna to work so closely with him despite some rumblings about 'Klingon unpredictability' and why he'd never regretted bringing Suder on with him despite how that man's bloodlust frightened him at times. Sometimes you needed a man like that, when you were fighting. And they were fighting. Tooth and nail. That was what liberty cost: Teeth and nails.

It was always good to have something to unleash. A knife hidden up your sleeve. Chakotay, in his time with the Maquis, had sharpened many knives.

Even when you fought for something, it was still fighting. If it was bloodless, if it was clean it'd be easily ignored.

So yes, Chakotay had had all manner of crook, criminal, soldier and sympathizer working under him and he'd only been completely fooled by two.

In certain moments, Chakotay laughed at himself, looking at his starfleet pip which signaled that he was almost in charge - for now. It meant a lot to him some days, other days it didn't mean anything at all. Just a piece of metal.

Tuvok certainly seemed to share his reluctance towards the title.

"Away team, group up. Three to a unit. Units one through four will-"

"I'm the away team head on this mission, lieutenant. Or have you forgotten?" Chakotay interrupted.

Tuvok had paused, turning to glance at the commander over his shoulder. His gaze was cold, though his tone was always polite. "Not at all. I merely observed that you seemed occupied speaking with the provisional lieutenant."

"And that's a problem?" Chakotay had asked, challenging.

Tuvok hadn’t had any trouble saying B’Elanna’s name before, when he’d been spying, scheming behind the scenes. Because of that, Chakotay didn’t believe for a second that he didn’t know what this was doing. Testing Chakotay, pressing his buttons, pointing out a perceived lack of leadership in front of so many others but away from the captain. 

No, never in front of Janeway.

"The captain typically prefers interpersonal chatter be left until after tasks are assigned." Tuvok said, tilting his head. "If it must be done at all."

Chakotay had stared at him for a moment. Hard. Anyone else would react to the silence, the expression on a senior officer's face, but Tuvok simply stared back - waiting. The pip at Chakotay's neck had felt hot in the sun and the Vulcan's words sprang back towards him; provisional lieutenant.

Of course. He was only a provisional first officer.

"I see. Well, as you can see, the captain isn't here. So we'll do things my way." Chakotay said, breaking the tense silence as he turned toward the away team. "I don't expect you all to like me, but I do expect you to follow the orders of your first officer. However provisional he may be."

He caught the Vulcan's eye. "The captain put her faith in me, and I don't betray that sort of trust."

Tuvok's eyes had narrowed very slightly, perhaps because of the shift in sunlight. Then they'd gone about the mission as was typical - mostly avoiding one another then telling Janeway that it'd all gone well.

When Chakotay had first met Tuvok, he hadn't thought he’d make a decent fighter. Vulcans were strong by nature and with practice, they could hold their own against the most venerated of klingon warriors. But Tuvok in particular...Chakotay hadn't been impressed.

"He's been pampered." The Vulcan beside him had muttered at the time and Chakotay had silently agreed.

Standing there, Tuvok had looked completely unprepared to defend himself in the midst of real battle. A sparring match? Sure. His form was technically perfect as was his impassive Vulcan mask but grace and perfection weren't often conducive to what the Maquis did.

Chakotay stood, walking into the ring.

"Alright, come at me." He'd said, crouching.

And Tuvok had.

Later, Chakotay would joke that the same man had tricked him twice.

"Where'd you learn to fight like that?" Chakotay asked, staring up at the Vulcan's impenetrable eye.

"My father," Tuvok had replied. Whether or not it was true became a mystery, along with the hundred other little things he’d told him during their time together. 

Tuvok surrounded by perfect little white lies, pristine, prizewinning orchids. That sharp eye, peering out from behind all that soft perfection.

After that first fight Chakotay had grinned though he was winded and sore. "What a coincidence. Mine taught me to fight like this," he'd said, gesturing out towards the Maquis' cause as a whole - his life in general - doing what was right even if it made him the world's enemy.

Tuvok hadn't moved. Chakotay had laughed, coughing.

"Don't blame him for my performance, though. That's all me."

"As you wish."

The two of them stopped clawing at each other's throats at some point. The pips still weighed differently each day but the responsibility was the same and soon Chakotay's word became heavier. He'd earned the ship's respect. He resented having to fight so hard for it. He cared for every member of the crew and hated what half of them stood for. It was complicated.

When Tuvok finally responded to his orders with "Yes, sir" sans that odiously thick layer of ‘lets humor the man’ resentment, it was complicated.

They started sparring. They'd never stopped, really.

"Do you know how to box, Tuvok?"

"No." Tuvok responded. In reaction to the silence his gaze crept upward, dangerously close to rolling his eyes. "...No, sir."

"It's easy, " Chakotay insisted jovially. "One fist in front of the other." 

[prettyrealm]

interview series: doja cat edition

July 27th 2023

doja cat’s current energy:

she’s feeling very affectionate and nurturing right now (i’m assuming towards her relationship/partner) she’s also not taking any sort or criticism nor is she interested in any sort of self reflection at the moment. she feeling herself for sure & feels accepted by the people that matter most to her and that’s what she’s focusing on. people thinking they can criticize her is causing her to be super rebellious and she feels as if she’s claiming personal her authority with the way she’s acting. she feels as if everyone and everything is working against her and out to get her. it’s like she’s right to feel “controlled” but at this point she’s fighting for fighting’s sake. like even if you’re agreeing with her, you’re doing it wrong. she’s trusting her impulses and acting on them and she refuses to let anyone throw her back into self doubt. if im being honest, it feels a bit manic. i think she’s being quite patient in her relationship as well and things aren’t actually going as well as she hoped. she sees the man in her life right now as very careless and irresponsible, not very dependable and even a bit disappointing but she wants to stick by him despite this. i think she’s also still dealing with betrayal from a friend.

does doja cat really hate her music from hot pink and planet her?

no, she doesn’t actually hate her music from these albums. i think she’s just tired of it and is only saying she hates it because everyone else likes it so much. contrarian vibe, but she knows it’s good. i think it’s more about the unhappy emotions she attaches to the music from that time.

is doja cat acting up to get her label to drop her because she doesn't like her contract?

nope.

how does doja cat feel about her fans right now?

she feels the need to disrupt them and get things shaking. it’s like she thinks “my real ones will stay regardless” almost like she’s purging out the fakes. she feels very strongly about them (genuinely love to hatred) and knows they gave her power and she can do whatever she wants with it now (including cuss them out) she feels they need to learn to be their own people and that they’re too superficial and can’t see beyond the surface. she does feel safe for the most part though and as if she can see who’s truly devoted and a fan of her for (what she thinks) are the right reasons

was doja cat ever bullied for being black/biracial?

yes, she definitely was.

did doja cat’s mother contribute to her issues with blackness?

yes, I believe so. not on purpose or in a malicious way or anything though. it seems she just genuinely didn’t know how to raise a biracial/black child, but i think tried her best? there was A LOT of struggle here though.

how does doja cat feel about j.cyrus right now?

she feels he will overcome everything people are throwing at him and she feels he’s quite confident. she wants them to come out of this strong. she feels he deserves a new start.

how does doja cat feel about fans reaction to her dating j.cyrus?

she feels miserable and a bit devastated and i think that may be what caused her to adopt this whole “idgaf” attitude about the whole thing. but in reality, i think she may even have shed tears over this. she knows this is attached to her forever and may even feel insecure in her friendships because of it. she knows people are looking at her like she’s a terrible person.

how does doja cat feel about the allegations against j.cyrus?

i think she thinks he’s been honest and faithful and is choosing to trust in him during this time. i don’t think she even believes in the allegations, she’s choosing to be naive, thoughtless & rash when it comes to this and honestly, straight up stupid. she’s upset about the allegations overall though.

[punkforkos]

Hi!! For the ask meme 4, 13 and 22 for Cosima?? :D

Hello!!! Tysm for the ask!! :D I have so much fun with these ask game responses hehe

I always feel like I need to add some bonus doodles whenever I make responses to these kinds of asks, but unfortunately I don't have much for Lady Cosima atm!! so, in its stead, I offer her Pinterest board !!

Anyways, answers are under the cut like usual!! :D

4. How easy is it to earn their trust?

It's honestly not that hard at all, haha. She generally assumes most kindness and forthrightness as a sign of good faith. She will give you the benefit of the doubt before she will ever distrust you. If you relate to her in any way or allow yourself to be honest with her, she will connect with you more easily! And trust can quickly be earned just by making yourself a friend to her. She knows enough to withhold important information or avoid placing her life into someone else's hands without more substantial reasoning tho! And when growing up, she met many people who seemed nice but were just doing it to try and get something from her... so she has an idea of what that looks like. She knows when people are pretending. But yeah, Cosi is very trusting, just generally speaking. Which is FASCINATING in a Curse of Strahd campaign.

13. What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?

Cosima has a good eye for fashion! And coming from a noble background, she's had the opportunity to try on many different types of clothing in all sorts of colors. She usually goes for pastels (when in more casual settings, typically) or deep, rich colors to create contrast against her skin and make both her and her outfit pop against each other. Deep maroons and deep purples, golds, cream, pinks, shades of blue, bronze/copper (her armor!), etc!! She is not so much a silver girlie, but she won't pass it up either.

22. How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)?

I actually answered this one for Cosi already!! <3

^^^ Just as a bonus, I'll throw in some extra facts about her!

Her full name is Lady Cosima Araminta du Serluza but in her church, she was known as Saint Cosima.

She's 6'3" (not including her horns) but I... may potentially make her taller because I realized dragonborns are usually much Larger

Her stats: str 18, cha 17, con 14, 13 dex, 13 wis, 6 int <33

Thank you for your interest in her!!