#(also i feel the need to add that i am fully supportive of lgbt+ and gender non conforming individuals)

[tic-loud-tic-proud]

"Maybe white men wouldn't have overwhelmingly voted for Trump if it wasn't for feminists telling them they're bad all the time!!1!!" Weird how everything men do ends up being women's fault somehow

[daystarvoyage]

The Dana Terrace Vs Vivienne Medrano, The Great Debate of Two Female Creators

Hello Starry Knights, This is the lovely Kyoko Cane, The Brown Sugah Queen, & cosplayer who performs and visits numerous cons throughout, while making blogs/vlogs on animated media & entertainment.

as you know or are new to this page, I am an artist who also dedicated my fashion in drag, on all my platforms along my artwork & discussions (be it anime or Western) that can affect real-life even fandoms, with a variety of videos.

the title of the post is about The two proclaimed talked about animators, Dana Terrace & Vivienne Medrano, I'll be critiquing how these two women of animation tackle the industry. This will have strong opinions from recent interview videos I've watched.

(I'll be calling Vivienne VIVI FOR SHORT & letting you know, if I were to watch ones in the future affecting my post come on the comments to ask freely, AND YES ALL PROJECTS AND TOPICS ARE NOT WITHOUT THEIR CRITIQUES, FLAWS IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE IT, CHECK OUT THE DAYSTAR VOYAGE, DON'T HATE, APPRECIATE! )

OK LETS GET STARTED In this 3-part segment

1. The Different Artstyles That Made Us Love These Shows.

Vivis work (Helluva Boss & Hazbin Hotel)

Now We all know as fans & lovers of animation when we hear a series that's greenlit after viewing on a television screen, in a magazine, or sponsored in commercials, right? As for these two,

The first time I heard of VIVI's work was on a YouTube ad commercial in line & premiered for the pilot, I was fully captivated by its groundbreaking story, from hazbin hotel to the comedy in helluva boss, along with its ghoulish Beetlejuice-inspired art style.

(which I'm a sucker for the niche, indie projects & gothic horror.)

observing her sketchbook on YouTube, I was drawn in by the captivated humanoid shapes she sketches, along with her fluid & flowing style.

the worldbuilding version of heaven & hell drew me in, after watching hazbin hotel. The pilot had a lot to offer from its dreary horrific turns/obstacles from its character debut, story & distorted beauty that there was a lot to tune Into along my first episode of Helluva Boss,

Now we are gonna get down to lore storytelling and character growth.

(and im fully aware of how the fandom treats the rest of the main & supporting cast not letting them flesh out including the females, btw)

Vivi has so much to offer, after watching the latest episode of Helluva Boss and finishing Hazbin Hotel, I see she has the potential to make a good show on drama & sell it, however with her controversy coming through I feel she needs to learn on how to perceive herself online, so makes it hard for me not to hate her series, be it art and her work.

(its truly good when it wants to be as for the writing ima get to that later. with the stolitz & lumity discourse on part 2)

The owl House by Dana terrace

Now you all know by now, I am a full-on Owl House fan regardless of its show ending early, and my many critics on Dana Terrace drew me in with her macabre art and full-on passionate skeletal pieces after looking at her socials and sketchbook online, as a debut showrunner who made her great stance on lgbt representation she has cemented herself as an acclaimed cartoon creator.

However, she does have her flaws ever since rewatching the series, and a lot to learn about the business, after rewatching The Show and yes I have notes written to prove them,

To add I felt if alex Hirsch wasn't on the project, everyone wouldn't watch that show since yall want it to be the next GRAVITY FALLS,

I love the fandoms that discuss the errors of these creators cause it gives more insight on how to portray yourselves on in the real world, cause lemme tell you, it was all watered down I'm get to that in a minute

one problem i have with particularly since she's a good artist & creator is her depending on certain tropes to carry out her cast, cause some may be harmful, along tropes being flanderized & the writing of character being generic & stereotyped.

She needs work on being a better showrunner cause those skills need Cleaning up including writing certain characters on who gets the spotlight.

NEXT SEGMENT

2. The Good, Great, Bad & Ugly in Fandom Discourse,

Vivis Work (Wow Yall can be Wow)

Vivienne Has made her mark in the YouTube market ever since making her pilot debut on Kesha video & hazbin hotel pilot,

I'm so glad for her contributions towards the indie market cementing her way to showing great representation in the general audience for an adult show, not to mmention disablity rep, yes an adult show and that's not without its controversy,

with her grand debate, I feel everyone took this woman's artwork turning it into something ugly, which is so uncool.

and I for one will not stand for the hate trains of now popular shows flip-flopping and then float back to it cause your series is acclaimed now, let's be real she deserves her crowns and laurels, Just keeping it real, regardless cause its a fire show

The fandom has shown their love of the show cause it knocked down so many doors in many ways, but let's be real the audience is now geared toward children cause we all know, this generation can be doing some crazy things, the way they all need to tone down the language, and let characters breath in the show

which I feel viv needs to work on the jokes. I get, it's an adult show which is concerning and it's a Gen Z world where people have access to computers 247, which contributes to all the nasty discourse and crass behavior not to mention,

fandom needs to calm down her fans when it comes down to her work and the way stoliz is perceived.l can be questionable, not to mention how the females are written which I do know the key word for this below.

cause i rarely do find the females are compelling, but yet to fleshed out like the rest of the male characters so misogynist comes into mind in this show and how it sells

there some moments it only aims to the infamous ship Stolitz (and doesn't let other characters breathe (this is a problem with the owl house which ill get to right now cause the pacing is wow smh)

(next to the owl house which I'll get to cause OMG)

THE OWL HOUSE FANDOM (GRRRR) lemme calm down

If you haven't seen my posts, including the bashing and discourse there's also a list I swear lemme quote

in the words of Biggie Small - if you don't know now ya know.

The owl house fandom i was on ride or die for lumity. however we all know how that ship got it start and built up cause they expected it to be this thing to say (F you to Disney) which is good cause disney had its comuppence howver, after the show ended

fans have become the most foulest ugliest & disrespectful fandom ever since the Steven Universe, Voltron and miraculous incidents,

its sad to see how these two franchises fell into the worse cases, the two creators may come across not caring of there fandom acts cause there's a saying

The captain always goes down with his ship MEANING

A captain should not have to sacrifice their life or crew, simply because the vessel they are in control of is in distress

There’s two fandoms such as Steven universe & voltron fell from grace into toxicity down below that are prime examples

The Owl House fandom has got to be some of the most entitled, uppity if not (racist) fans!

yall clearly have not listened to other fans or can't take criticism, yes the show did make very feminist undertones and the male characters didn't shine at all in their titular episodes or moments, which doesn't help at all.

Since Dana drew inspiration from Powerpuff Girls

(which comes on and the writers being all female, might have some damaging effects)

Cause its stifled the male characters in a way where there not as prominent or impactful,

So this word MISANDRY comes to mind

The fandom has gone down to the point of no return, I mean,

one fan from a webcam interview WANTED DANA's ADDRESS EWWW! (in one disccus video0

its not that the Disney drama was too blame for the project, (to an extent) which I'm proud for the fandom for banding together on animation, but need to take off the lgbt glasses, cause boy the show's writing was pushed in favor of that.

CONGRATS You did at the cause of Harassment and bad behavior in fandoms,

NEXT TOPIC

3. Make The Business Makes Sense & epilogue

THE OWL HOUSE

Dana Terrace has the makings of doing good shows however when it comes down to an audience to kid she has some major damage control on how the fandom will come across,

i mean have we not learned from the Lilith and Camilla toxic issues, you can tell the show likes to demonize the adults which is unacceptable, and can damage storytelling and characters.

the truth i feel there needs to be proper staff on how to write POC, ethnic and cultural representation In the show, Amphibia, Molly mcgee, Haileys on it and other break-out shows did it better,

hell even Amphibia doing those cuisines food culture in Frogworld, can you imagine the boiling isles taking on Hispanic cuisine.

Which i felt could've hit a mark on luz home life and culture if written & fleshed out,

Like the staff didn't know how to write those topics, they've coulda gone so far with it but unfortunately fall flat in that area,, not to mention the fashion. UGH

sigh.

ViVI WORKS ( i try not to make this quick but i can discuss more on comments be NICE)

Vivienne Medrano has good fashion and business sense

its important to have that cause having a Cloud Nine franchise coming from nothing can do wonders for how you are perceived as an artist,

The discourse has come due to her take on the controversy on platforms talking on her many harsh topics

(in my opinions she too needs to work on controlling scenarios & damage control that can affect her

So tried but yeah

vivi is a dominant artist who takes her business seriously so I am glad to have her flourish in Spindlehorse,

but just i wish i cant help but fall outta love with her work, knowing of the problems in today's animation comesacross how you say even snowflakes can break under if heard by there favorite creators.

lets be honest these two can learn from each other. and vivi does sure know angles and promoting

very glad to get this written so I put some thought into this

i wish nothing for the best for these awesome artists and creators thank you all for coming so far and have a wonderful voyage thanks.

[anarmorofwords]

Hi! You're probably not going to like this ask, but before getting into it I'd just like to say that this isn't meant as Kamala hate or anything, and I don't really want to offend.

Having said that, wouldn't it make sense that we get to see how Kamala treated Anna after she came out? It's in all likelihood one of the things that's weighing on Anna the most.

Obviously Kamala had her valid reasons: her parents aren't as liberal as the Lightwoods, she believes (knows?) their love is conditional as she's adopted, she's not white and not being heterosexual could further any treatment she's suffered from being different... Her reasons have already been listed multiple times by multiple people. Kamala has the right to stay in the closet and fear coming out. And while that shouldn't be villianised, we can't forget that closeted people can harm those around them.

If Kamala had kept treating Anna like a good friend, rumour would've sparked, and even if it was denied, she'd have been harmed by merely associating with Anna. Especially with the life Anna began leading; she could have been labelled as one of Anna's 'conquests' by the Clave. That, as we've established, is detrimental for her safety.

But at the same time, it would create a breach between Anna and Kamala. And Anna had the right to be hurt by it and weary of it when Kamala said she wanted a relationship.

If we look at it from that perspective, Anna's actions (though inexcusable in how they treated Kamala --who was also at fault for not accepting a negative for four months) make sense. Kamala wasn't only a fling of a week*, but also the girl she lost her virginity with, who asked her to be her secret (until she married Charles, after which Anna's affections would be discarded), who hid her sexuality for two years and sat back while Anna suffered from homophobic commentary, and who now wants a relationship hidden from most of the people that know her.

Kamala shouldn't be forced to come out; but the harm that can do to the women she may engage with is reflective of what happens nowadays. I can mostly think of examples with gay men, so my apologies in advance. But how many women have seen their marriages ruined by their husband having affairs with men?

Creating characters that reflect a toxic part of the 'hidden' LGBT community shouldn't be seen as hating or villinifying. Thomas isn't out and he isn't labelled a villain by the narrative --because his actions don't harm anyone. The hate Alastair gets in-universe is because of his past as a bully, not because he's gay. Matthew's not fully out and he isn't villianised --like Thomas, because the decisions he makes to keep his sexuality hidden don't impact anyone negatively.

I'll even go as far as saying that not even the narrative villianises characters like Kamala and Charles. If it were, they'd be seen more like Grace in Chain of Gold. We'd see how Kamala's actions are affecting Anna's in more ways than anger (that in itself put the fandom against Anna), and the characters would note so. We wouldn't see scenes were Cordelia empathised with Charles, nor Matthew said he loved him.

Be it as it may, Kamala and Charles represent ugly parts of being closeted that can naturally occur when someone is in their position. LGBT people are human. Humans, when put into very difficult situations (and Charles risks his career; Kamala her safety), can make decisions that harm those around them. Consequently, the people they're harming have a right to feel, well, harmed in whatever range of ways --this goes mostly for Alastair, and very partly for Anna, whose treatment of Kamala was horrible.

Readers need to understand what is pushing these 'villianised' characters to harm (again, mostly for Alastair) the more prominent characters and go beyond how they are instantly depicted. Because these are complex characters based on complex real people influenced by very ugly realities we will move on from someday, but sadly not yet.

By the way, Charles and Kamala's situations aren't that similar beyond the closeted thing, but I crammed them together because of a post I saw you reblog.

Please understand I'm not justifying Charles's actions; that I understand the pain he's put Alastair through, and know that he shouldn't ever be near Alastair. Nor am I trying to justify Anna's actions nor hate on Kamala.

I'll just finish my pointless rant by adding that I do think cc has sensitivity readers. I think she asked a gay man to go through tec (I don't know if he still revised her other books, though), and know she asked POC's input when writing someone for their culture. I don't know much beyond that, but I doubt who revises her stuff is up to her. Wouldn't that be something the publisher is responsible for (honest question)?

*I've also noticed people using the argument that they didn't know each other long enough for Anna to harbour such ugly emotions towards Kamala, but Kamala also remembered Anna pretty deeply and is 'in love' with her. I just wanted to say that considering cc writes (fantastical) romance where someone can ask a woman they met two months ago marriage, stressing over time spaces doesn't make much sense. Just my take.

hi!!

alright, where do I start? probably would be best with stating that while I can analyse Kamala's situation with what I know/see/read about racism and discrimination and reasonably apply things I've read/heard from PoC to the discussion, as well as try to be as sensitive about it as possible, I'm still a white woman, so not a person that's best qualified to talk about this.

that being said - if someone wants to add something to this conversation, you're obviously more than welcome to, and if there's something in my answer that you don't agree with or find in some way insensitive or offensive - please don't hesitate to call me out on that.

back to your points though: (this turned into a whole ass essay, so under the cut)

I don't think Anna shouldn't be able to reminiscent on Kamala's behaviour/reaction to her coming out, or be hurt by it. what bothers me is the way CC talks about it - I can't remember the exact phrasing, but the post where she mentioned this suggested something along the lines of "you'll see how Kamala sided with the Clave and didn't defend Anna after her coming out", therefore putting the blame on Kamala and completely disregarding the fact that Kamala wasn't in position to do much at all. It suggest that their situation was "poor Anna being mistreated by Kamala". therefore I'm afraid Kamanna's main problem/conflict will remain to be portrayed as "Anna having to allow themselves to love again and forgive Kamala", while Anna's shortcomings - and Kamala's vulnerable position - are never discussed. I think it would be possible to acknowledge both Kamala's difficult situation and the possible hurt her behaviour caused Anna without being insensitive towards Kamala's character, but it would take a really skilled - and caring - author to do both of the perspectives justice. CC would have to find a balance between being aware of the racism/prejudice Kamala faced/ writing her with lots of awareness and empathy, and still allowing her to make mistakes and acknowledging them. As it is however, I'm under impression that she's just treating it as a plot device, a relationship drama.

I'd say no one expects characters of color to be written as flawless or never making mistakes, it's mostly the way these mistakes are written and what things these characters are judged/shamed/

And that's - at least in my understanding and opinion - where the problem is. it's that the narrative never even addresses Anna's faults, and portrays Kamala as the one that caused all - or most of - the pain, without ever even acknowledging her problems and background.

White characters in TLH make mistakes and fuck up - because they're human and they're absolutely allowed to - but the thing is, non-white characters aren't afforded that privilege. Anna's behaviour is never questioned - none of it, shaming Kamala for not being able to come out, dismissing her desire to be a mother, or any of the questionable things she did in ChoI. Same with Matthew, James, Thomas. Alastair and Kamala however? they're constantly viewed through their past mistakes, and forced to apologize for them over and over, forced to almost beg for forgiveness. Moreover, those past mistakes are used as a justification of all and any shitty behaviour the other characters exhibit towards them now, which is simply unfair and cruel. They're held to a much higher standard.

So I'd like to say that yes, Kamala was in the wrong to keep nagging Anna after numerous rejections, and she was in the wrong to not inform Anna about Charles prior to them having sex - but that doesn't give Anna a free pass to constantly mistreat Kamala. And let's be real, Anna isn't stupid - while at 17 she could be naive and uninformed, I can't imagine how after years of hanging out with the Downworlders and numerous affairs and being out and judged by the Clave she's still so ignorant about Kamala's situation. I definitely think she's allowed to be hurt, but to still not understand why Kamala did what she did? Anna isn't blaming her for not telling her about Charles earlier - which would be fair - but instead for refusing to engage in an outright romance with her. She's being ignorant - and consciously so, I think.

Overall, I think you're definitely right about how coming out - or staying closeted - can be messy and hurt people in the process, especially in unaccepting environments/time periods, and I've seen enough discourse online to know there will never be a verdict/stance on this that will satisfy everyone. I, for one, would really like to refrain from putting all the blame on a single person - but, at least the way I see it, CC is pointing fingers. maybe not directly, but she is. Kamala, Alastair and Charles have no friends or support systems, and the only people in the narrative that defend them are themselves (ok, Cordelia does defend Alastair from Charles, but not from shitty takes about him and his "sins"). Also, sorry, but I don't like how you say "hid her sexuality for two years and sat back while Anna experienced homophobic comments" - it sounds very much judgemental. Kamala had every right to do that? The fact that she slept with Anna doesn't means she owed her something, and certainly not coming out and most probably destroying her life, or even defending her at the - again - expense of her own reputation, or more possibly safety.

As for Charles - it's a different issue here, at least imo - I fear that it'll be implied that his refusing to come out will is his main "sin", and therefore not something he can be judged for, which ironically, will be villainizing, but mostly will mean his actual sins are dismissed. This is where the scene with Cordelia feeling a pang of sympathy for him comes into play, and it worries me. I've never hated Charles for not wanting to come out, but rather for, let's see - grooming Alastair, disregarding Alastair's needs and feelings, disrespecting his mother, being a sexist prick, being low-key far-right coded "make Shadowhunters great again" etc.

As for sensitivity readers - I'm no expert, so I don't think my input is worth much. From what I've gathered from multiple threads/discussions on twitter, tho it is probably consulted/approved by the publisher, many authors push for that - and authors less famous and "powerful" than her. I'm not a hater, but seeing fandoms' opinions on much of her rep, I think she could do better. Because if she does have sensitivity readers, then they don't seem to be doing a great job - maybe they're friends who don't wanna hurt her feelings? Or maybe she thinks a gay guy's feedback will be enough for any queer content - which, judging by the opinions I've seen from the fans, doesn't seem to be true.

Again, these are mostly my thoughts and I'm more than open to reading other opinions, because *sigh* I really don't know how to handle this.

Bottom line - I really really don't want to be hating on the characters in general, playing God in regards to judging the struggles of minorities, or even criticising the characters too harshly for being human, flawed etc. What my main issue is is how CC handles those complex and heavy topics.

I hope I make sense and this answer satisfies you somehow - I also hope someone better equipped to answer might wanna join this conversation.

* I desperately need a reread of TLH before I engage in any more conversations like this, but I didn't wanna leave you hanging. So yeah, I might be remembering things wrong. Again, let me know, I'm very much open to being corrected as well as to further discussion.

* I use she/her pronouns for Anna because that's what she uses in canon

[btsandvmin]

Do you think any of the bts members are part of the lgbtq+ community? I assume you think vmin are, what makes you think that? I kinda feel like jimin could be bi... while tae gay maybe? And Yoongi could be bi as well. Tbh they all kinda give off gay vibes, but I guess it's bc of the cultural difference and bc they are all so close... so they may do things that seem a lot to many people but not to them... so who knows? A lot could be fan service too. But Namjoon and Jin are the ones who definitely give me straight vibes (Jin a bit less tho). What do you think?

I think there might be members that are LGBT+, but of course that’s just based on how I percieve things. I apologize in advance for this answer being a bit messy... As you say there are many things that make such speculation difficult.

Honestly putting definite labels on someone is not something I really want to or think we can do... Sometimes the members do things that might indicate interest in various genders, but that’s still too vague to define a sexuality for me. Unless they say something themselves, I don’t think we can know. 

I mean, even assuming someone you know is LGBT+ is gay, pan, bi etc. with a specific label without them having told you is so common and can even lead to mislabeling someone. One obvious example is how bi-erasure makes someone go from straight to being gay when they start dating someone of the same gender etc. There are so many types of sexualites and gender expressions to begin with. Some don’t even accociate with a label at all. For example I personally think Namjoon seems to be attracted to women, but even if that is a correct guess it doesn’t have to mean he is straight. 

It’s very complicated, at least for me, to dive too deep into it with anything except “hunches or guesses” based on behavior and actions. This becomes even more complicated when we add difference in culture, idol fanservice, personal comfortableness with intimacy, level or homophobia or supportive people around them and personal experience etc. 

BTS likely can’t even be honest with their sexualities if they are LGBT+ and that makes it even more difficult to know depending on if they even want to show that part of themselves or not. Internalized homobhobia can be very strong, even though I suspect BTS being more and more open towards LGBT+ might help if members are non straight. And we still don’t know anything about how their families or friends would react etc. Not to mention we know a lot of fans would hate them and leave them if they ever proved to definitely be non straight. So them hiding being LGBT is obviously going to make it more difficult to guess if any member might be LGBT+, if they on purpse try to not show it. For example saying some things are not for men to do, or being careful with how they come across. Something I personally think Jimin for example might have done more in the past, as he is aware how he can fit into a lot of stereotypes for what is “gay” or feminine. The same goes for Hobi who can be very flamboyant. And while these things can be an indication for sexuality or gender identity they don’t have to be. Especially not when idols even get encouraged at times to act or more “delicate or feminine” or do fanservice with the same sex etc. There are a lot of blurred lines, and those lines can be a bit fluid as well...

There are also soooo many colors of the rainbow that I don’t think it’s weird for a lot of idols to be part of the community in some ways, even if they might never openly be so. Some might also be allies, some might be curious or unsure about themselves and some might be in straight up denial as well.

So, I rather just guess if they might be LGBT+ than what exact label, because going in to detail is so personal and different from person to person.

I also want to say again, that “straight until proven otherwise” honestly needs to go away, and assuming someone is straight is a toxic way to assume sexuality. Not to mention it’s much more harmful to shut down conversations about them possibly being LGBT+ than mistaking a straight person for possibly LGBT+. A LGBT+ person might have no choice to hide (very likely in the case of idols), so showing we are open and supportive no matter what is what matters the most.

That being said I feel it’s very very likely at least some members are LGBTQ+ if not for anything else than comments like “when we don’t have boyfriends or girlfriends” from Namjoon and other moments like it, in combination with their support for the community. At the very least they are allies.

Personally the way some members involve themselves in LGBT+ culture in various ways I see as something to more likely happen when you are part of the community yourself and not just an ally. But BTS having the influence they have of course it could all also be meant to be inclusive and show support as they have for various causes. That’s why it all still remains uncertain.

I will make a more articulate section on Taehyung and Jimin’s possibly being LGBT+ in my bigger analysis. But I will try to summarize a little bit of my thoughts in this answer and hope that it all makes sense.

Big Hit in general and in particular Bang PD seem to be pretty open and LGBT+ friendly. Many concepts of Big Hit artists can have LGBT+ subtext. It’s not always explicit, but something many rainbow ARMY might pick up on, like the storyline between JK and Yoongi in the BU. For example reading Demian which the whole BST era is based on I personally see a lot of LGBT+ subtext in that book (which is then also fitting with other things we know about Hermann Hesse’s life). But a lot of people won’t pick up on it and we can’t know for sure because no one ever explicitly says it is meant to be LGBT+.

Many BTS members support LGBT+ artists, it doesn’t have to be because of them being LGBT+ but it wouldn’t be odd for them to search for representation and artists to relate to if they are LGBT+ themselves. Mostly we have seen Tae, Namjoon and JK being more “loud” witht their support for LGBT+ artists, songs, movies, books etc.

Namjoon, Tae and JK have all expressed support in various ways directly to LGBT+ fans that have showed up to fansites.

Members like Yoongi has straight up said it’s nothing wrong, everyone is equal, when Namjoon was a bit more “diplomatical” and tried to swerve the question a bit. Both could still be LGBT+, and both could be allies, even with very different reactions.

I think all members have their moments to show LGBT+ support, and all members have “questionable moments” that makes people speculate about their sexualities. For me Tae, Namjoon, Yoongi and JK seem to be the most open about support or showing interesting in LGBT+ things. But that can also have to do with their personalities, or even feeling less scared to show support.  In some cases it might even be easier for an ally to speak up for someone LGBT+ when they can’t themselves, as in a closeting situation.

I know you asked about all members, but I want to be honest and say that while I do know a bit about all of them, I do know a lot more about some members than others. I am also kind of sitting here and aren’t sure I can say more than I think all of BTS are allies, and that it seems likely at least some members are LGBT+. I have seen small things from basically all members, but I haven’t seen enough to lean heavily towards any particular sexuality. So, while I am sharing my thoughts here they can sway back an forth a lot and can very much just be based on misinterpretation. It can also be difficult to put a definite reason to why I react more to some members doing similar things.

Based on actions alone, because I try not to bring in vibes, I guess the short summary would be:

Jin - Has talked the most about wanting a girlfriend, and while he has said things like his celeberity crush is Brad Pitt I haven’t seen a lot with him in regards to LGBT+. To me less likely to be LGBT+.

Yoongi - Has been very firm with being supportive of LGBT+ and has had both lyrics and interviews that could be interpreted as gender not being important to him in general. Doesn’t show a lot, but the things he does say seem very pointed and deliberate. To me more likely to be LGBT+.

Namjoon - Has been the loudest since the earliest with his support for LGBT+. Wrote LGBT+ lyrics for Glam but also very sexual lyrics about women in early songs. Has talked about queer culture a lot and while he seems careful at times has expressed a lot of open support. Enjoys a lot of queer culture and has recomended movies, songs and books. Has showed more personal interest towards women, but seem very interested in LGBT+. Definitely an ally, likely into women, but also very possibly into other genders. To me more somewhere “in the middle” or more likely LGBT+.

Hobi - Has done subtle things like wearing rainbow belts during pride, but seemed to start being more LGBT+ supportive when all of BTS did so. Could possibly be non straight or also just very comfortable with himself and an ally. (He has “effiminate or flamboyant” behavior but I don’t want to lean too much into that.) Buuuut he also accidentally said stuff like “boyfriend”. To me “somewhere in the middle”, or more likely to be LGBT+.

JK - Seem to avoid questions about women/crushes and sometimes even answering with men (Like Namjoon or Ironman). Is the most “feminine” according to members (though that was a while ago) and is very open to expressing things in a gender neutral way. The member who has said the least in regards to masculine stereotypes like “men should” and also one of the members who is the loudest about LGBT+ artists. Also having done covers by LGBT+ artists without changing pronouns. To me more likely to be LGBT+.

I am fully aware I just basically said I think almost all members are likely to be LGBT+. But I really try to just look at them as individuals. It’s also as I said much more difficult for me to be able to truly know their thoughts in regards to LGBT+ based on such limited information as the subject in itself is partly taboo. It’s also possible with such a close knit group that if some members are LGBT+ that will affect and make other members more open as well. Basically the way BTS express support doesn’t have to be personal for all of them.

However, despite it all I think Taehyung is the member who seems to be the “most loud” in a personal way when it comes to LGBT+ (and also Yoongi). For me it makes sense with their personalities and how they are outspoken in general for something they believe in. @romanticdrift​ recently answered an ask (HERE) with a lot of good points, and in particular when it comes to Taehyung’s possible sexuality. This is why I feel Jin who also is quite outspoken in general but haven’t talked a lot (at least not to my knowledge) about LGBT+ things feel more like an ally in comparison. 

For me there are many things about Taehyung over the years I can’t help but think of when it comes to LGBT+ and have given me reason to wonder about Taehyung himself being part of the community. Especially when putting them all together it seems to be something important to him.

Talking about many things and people from queer culture. Not just enjoying them but sharing it with fans.

Singing songs like Stigma about being a sinner for something you can’t help or change. Many of Taehyung’s songs many LGBT+ fans relate to.

The reference to the gay movie “Moonlight” in a self written song, and most of Tae’s songs being gender neutrual. (All except Winter Bear).

The meaning of the color purple as the last color of the rainbow.

Saying “thank you” to fans with a pride flag at a concert.

Since early on having no problem with crossdressing or other things that might “look gay” (there are also moments where he has objected like “men don’t do...” as most BTS members have). But we also have things like randomly doing roleplay where he can’t be together with Jimin. I mention this because it wasn’t for a camera, but something Jin told us.

Talking about the reason for his Christmas song not being with Jimin. The fact that he highlighted the reason as the lyrics not fitting two men and going on to say he doesn’t think he will ever release it. To me this is probably the most personal example where Tae seems bothered about something homophobic.

Basically there is something in the way Taehyung expresses his support that just seem more personal, and more tied to himself. He isn’t just loud with support ike some other members, he expresses things like he relates to it more openly.

For Jimin I think he is more difficult with actual examples of openly supporting or expressing things LGBT+. And it’s difficult looking at him without going into gender norms and falling into sterotype traps as well. I do think Jimin has changed a lot and as many other members wear a lot more gender neutrual clothes etc. If I make this about Vmin I would even say Jimin’s image properly seemed to become a bit more “soft” around the time Taehyung gave him the Gucci sweater, which was gender neutral. Think more Jimin in sweater paws and soft oversized clothes. 

It could also be an image change as Spring Day era definitely brought a lot of softer Jimin. However, I want to emphasis here that Jimin still to this day has a lot of styles and outfits that are also very masculine. And that many other members also wear gender neutral clothes. Not to mention that clothes can express things without being tied to sexuality or gender of the person who wears them.

For me I think it can be even more ambigious with clothes only because often we don’t know if they decided the clothes or if it was a choice by a stylist etc. And we know most members have worn gender neutral clothes or womens clothes, especially for performances or photoshoots. So personal clothes I see as of more importance. For example Yoongi wearing very limited edition Pro-LGBTQ+ shoes as his personal clothes (HERE).

Back to Jimin... I personally see Jimin as a very aware and careful person when it comes to how he is percieved in general. Thus if he is LGBT+ I think he unlike Taehyung would likely be more careful. So, Jimin showing less directly LGBT+ support might be a choice out of acting careful. No matter if he is LGBT+ himself or not. But it does make things more vague. But he also painted the symbol of bigender on himself, so.

The things I have noted except for his image over the years are fewer than with many other members, and I try to not to put too much weight on his looks and manners and “vibes”, even if those things can be because of him being LGBT+.

Jimin has sometimes acted a bit defensive about his sexuality/masculinity, but he has never denied the possibility of him liking men despite getting asked.

Jimin is a member who has perhaps the most (together with Tae and Hobi) showed a liking for fanservice between members. (Doesn’t have to show his sexuality, but could also be a place where he gets to express something he usually can’t).

Lie is a song about not showing your true self and hurting/being punished. Jimin has been very vague when speaking of the meaning of the song. It’s a song many LGBT+ fans also relate to.

Jimin is a naturally flirty person, and the flirting doesn’t seem to be limited to one gender. But, it doesn’t have to be flirting based on attraction.

The bigender symbol in the hero photoshoot and the Filter performance playing with gender identity.

In general, there is just a lot less direct things when it comes to Jimin and LGBT+. Which doesn’t surprise me considering his personality. There are moments of course, like liking LGBT+ artists like Kehlani or reacting to pride flags at concerts. But at least to me there is a lot less to actually analyze when it comes to Jimin and LGBT+ moments and that makes things more difficult. So, to me Jimin is probably someone I am more unsure of, which might be surprising to some of you, especially considering this is a Vmin blog. But because of Jimin’s personality and early reactions/behavior I also am not at all surprised if he is more careful on purpose, especially if he is LGBT+.

Interesting to me as a Vmin shipper is also that quite a few of Taehyung’s LGBT+ things could possibly be related to Jimin. For example the line from “Moonlight” in 4 o’clock or Tae asking if Jimin can “be the girlfriend” while roleplaying. Not to mention the Christmas song of course. But I don’t want to use things from Taehyung to try and guess about Jimin. Basically looking at only them as individuals Jimin is less likely to be LGBT+ than Tae, but I do still think the chance of both of them being queer is there.

And if I then dive into Vmin's behavior with each other assuming they are both queer, that might show some interesting things too. But that will always be based on the IF, not as proof for their sexualites.

So, that was my view... I have been asked about this quite a few times, and I hope this post made sense. I know it was long and messy, but that’s also because sexuality can be such a difficult topic.

Thanks for the ask. If you enjoyed this and want to support me you can like, reblogg, comment or check out my Ko-Fi page: https://ko-fi.com/K3K43433H

[zombiegurlmode]

Sad that Camren Shippers are to blame. But alas, scape goats are necessary for someone to thrive

I’m not done ranting apparently. Clearly, after all of my satirical nature has come to pass, truth of the matter is, for someone who spoke so openly and highly of valuing love and honesty and all that jazz. Your words cut deeper than any knife could. And for someone who openly “claims” of being a part of the LGBT+ community, (whereas the numbers are thriving so much that more letters are added and we’re almost about to fill in the entire alphabet) we have yet to receive such a backlash coming from “supposedly” one of us. Imagine the horror right? True, perhaps your words may have been misconstrued by the public at large or twisted in some form to suit everyone’s selfish needs. I mean after all, isn’t that what camren shippers are called for - delusional AF and toxic as hell. Well, we don’t deny it and couldn’t deny the fact that yes, there are plenty of us who are quite enthusiastic to a fault. Honestly, tell me in what space or bygone era have toxic people never appeared in. Truth of the matter is, it’s how you deal with things and toxicity that affect each and everyone of us. Happiness is only a matter of possessing the right attitude. And no one, not any one, can take that away from you. Not even hardships.

There are several things I would like to personally address though. Camren shippers most likely than not have in some way or the other connected with you. We all something that we could relate to, From your internalized phobia, or from you getting to finally openly admit your own sexuality and fully embracing it wonderfully, or some other things that the others felt truly connected or as you love to so put it “resonate” with you. So don’t blame your fans if they are passionate in expressing themselves because all humans have escapism in them. And to some, perhaps, this is the only means they have some semblance of control to freely express themselves openly. No one is undermining your hardship when you were outed, or that fact that you were bullied for it, or pressured to act in a certain acceptable way so you may be deemed as socially normal “acceptable” human being, whereas all you truly deserve was love and compassion. But I would like to remind you of one very fine detail. When you were outed, camren shippers were there to support you. Because they (wasn’t here yet when it happened so I can’t include myself) understood well above and beyond that what you encountered was so horrendous. You were cheated and robbed of that one pleasure and right given to every LGBT+ member to pride on - the true nature of coming out. See the thing is, the homophobes corrupted the words coming out so much that even as LGBT+ members sometimes forget the true existence of it. it’s not about public declaration or waving the flag, or marching in rainbows, or stamping a giant sign across your forehead declaring that you’re a proud, frolicking, fun-loving, women-loving lesbian (or in any way the others identify themselves as). No! Coming out and its true nature is simply coming to terms with yourself on your own pace and leisure. So truly I am sorry that you have been cheated out of this privilege. But it wouldn’t be fair for you to lump it together with your emotions and throw it at your brethren (if you even consider us as such). Perhaps, that is not your intention. Just to be clear, I am not invaliding how you’ve felt or how you’re feeling now. No one has the power to do that to someone else - I’m referring to telling others how to feel. Yet the message we perceived is quite clear. That we, as a collective known as Camren Shippers, who “supposedly” belong to the LGBT+ community (ok, maybe not all of us. that’s too presumptive on my part) and pride on understanding your own volitions caused this very volitions to surface or in your words “manifest” in you. We are the hindrances that robbed you of your chance to have a decent flirtation towards the same sex. Ironically speaking, Camren Shippers were the ones also on the forefront of defending your honor when some boy belonging to a particular boy band along with his bandmates ridiculed and degraded your feminine existence simply because they thought they were joking around. I mean aren’t jokes like that - it’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt. Jokes most often than not are made at the expense of others. Doesn’t make it any less right, but then again who are we to blame them for something they thought of as a joke. Let’s all face it people, we are all guilty of this act. And yet, the CS never did falter. Carrying their banners of delusions and brandishing their armors of grandeurs, all in the name sake of defending someone who is belittled for the sake of “fun and games”. Even after deliberately attacking the CS for their enthusiasm and calling it invasive, they were still there for you especially so when they saw how pressure started affecting you. They were always so attuned to you that they were the first to notice signs that you may possibly be queer or you may possibly be undergoing some form of inner conflict. They all wish you good health and as you put it in words “send their love to you” so you may never feel alone enduring all this pain. And now imagine the heartache that every shipper might or might not be going through right now. Because apparently, that same support that they have been sending you is perceived as pain and suffering from your end. How would you feel if the very thought that the love and adoration you have causes someone pain and insecurity? So far, all that you have discussed is the negativity that surrounds an apparent DEAD SHIP. Negativity? Sounds familiar right? You preach on it on numerous occasion. You even wrote a song 50FT. Maybe you should be the one to listen on your own attunement. You brought so much negativity on the topic whereas it was meant to be about your coming out. Again, sorry that you’re coming out seemed more like a burden than liberation for you. And again, I apologize that we are the reason behind it.

Just to clarify. We never undermined your suffering. We know all too well the pain that one undergoes in this journey called self discovery of one’s true sexuality. To be honest, those of us who fear coming out or being outed because of rejection, bullying, disowning, we are the lucky ones. There are some of us who undergo far more threats by simply accepting who they truly are. They fear for the safety of their family, they fear for their own safety, they fear the valid threats of rape and degradation and being treated as if you are worse than animals. There are those individuals where the very soil that they stood upon view homosexuality as ILLEGAL and violation of such law would yield severe punishments. So tell them, tell them that they don’t know the risks, the pains, the sufferings, the deteriorations of ones’ sanities, tell them that they don’t understand it because all they ever care about is Camren. Tell them that they’re only glimmer of hope on priding on someone that may have found what they yearn for is invalid. Tell them that living vicariously on your life brings so much distraught on your otherwise calm existence. Tell them that and they have been the first ones to apologize that you felt that way. Because I’ve read their posts and I’ve felt their pains. And we are sorry to cause you so much pain.

I will remind you. No one forced you to audition for xfactor in the pursuance of your dream. You even have the support of your family for your journey. And we are all grateful that you did. Otherwise, we may not even have bothered you so much. Otherwise, we may not even know that you existed. So let me remind you that the industry you belong to - spotlight is king. So don’t go complaining if your put under the it - that’s the point of the industry my dear, the limelight. I’m a purchaser, I can’t complain if my daily tasks comprise of purchasing goods. Otherwise, I have no business being a purchaser. I’m clearly in the wrong field if I felt that way. So it wouldn’t be fair to tell your fans (if you even consider us as such) to blame us for putting you under the spotlight. May I make a suggestion? Try holding a concert without the lights on next time. You do have sensitive eyes because of the lack of melanin in your eyes. We get that.

Also, you know Becky G never did mention about camren. You brought it up on your own. Just like you’ve given us “it’s camren yo!”. You did say and i quote (uh oh i’m sure going to butcher this. I failed in quoting people all the time) “i don’t really talk about it” and then preceded to have entire litany about camren and whatnot. Ok, I get it, it was part of your coming out process. Cool. Then you’ve touched upon how reading fanfics have ruined you. And made you feel like a predator. Firstly, camren fanfics are intended for shippers only. Like all mediums, they have their own specific intended audieces. For you to wander into uncharted terrains, you must have understood the risks it entails. I don’t know which ones you’ve read, but most fics from decent authors have disclaimer on them. Did you even bother reading the disclaimer? On the onset of something that made you feel awkward or uncomfortable or disturbing, you should’ve stopped on your own and never be bothered with it again. That’s the usual thing to do. If any human find something or someone repulsive, they would ceased to seek it. But it bothered you so much and made you feel like a predator then you’ve read the entirety of it (maybe i’m exaggerating, ok a good chuck of it, sounds better?) Well someone did tell me it could have been born out of curiosity. Yeah curiosity did kill the cat, you know? Unless of course you’re a masochist, then now I finally understand and I have nothing more to add.

So for my parting words, I would again extend my deepest, sincerest apology I could muster in my current sane state for being the cause and hindrance for your inner peace and wellbeing. I am not mocking you. This is just the nature I write. Troublesome, I know. But I’m being honest. If my being a fan of you, and shipping you in our own little niche, caused you so much pain and suffering then I respect your wishes. It would be foolish of me to continue pouring my support to you when all along I’m actually doing the opposite and harming you in the process. I mean what decent human being would like to inflict pain unto others. So in honor of my last words relating to your brand Lauren Jauregui or the very dead ship that apparently troubled you so much, I bid you the very best. May you flourish on your career and find inner peace and true happiness forever and always. I would not like to be a fan of any brand that I’m the apparent cause whether directly or indirectly impedes in attaining their endeavors. All the best in your album release and who knows maybe I’ll stumble upon your music again someday. 

[catbountry]

Glancing over some of my older essays on politics, I’m kind of struck how, despite them not being written that long ago, I feel like I come across as a dumbass, or at least like somebody who thinks they’re much smarter than they actually are. And it’s weird, because most of my views are roughly the same; rather, it’s that I feel the way that they’re articulated comes across as too... I don’t know, smarmy? Smug, maybe? Lacking nuance. Blunt. Like I’m talking down to people. Obviously, this was never my intention, but it’s weird how something that was written while in my early 30′s somehow makes me wince a little... as I rapidly approach being smack-dab in the middle of my 30′s. God, I’ve been in my 30′s for almost 5 whole years now, fuck, where does the time go?

I think being able to come out of the other side of the Trump presidency in one piece has kind of helped add some much-needed perspective, at least for myself. I think the hypothesis that a lot of people who voted for Trump were desperate for some kind of change was proven correct when he failed to be re-elected due to his bungling of COVID, which, funnily (or not) enough, he almost could have looked like he was doing the right thing when he initially wanted to close the U.S. borders... except he’d been trying to restrict travel and close borders so often that of course nobody took such a suggestion seriously. And even if they had? Rich people still would have brought it over, because as we all know, rich people can just get away with all kinds of shit. Of course, once it actually hit, Trump really couldn’t handle the idea of looking weak at all, so instead, it was downplayed, joked about, not taken seriously, even though he’d been briefed that it was going to be really, really bad. And when he got it, and in private thought he was going to die? Well, once he beat it, of course he had to say it wasn’t so bad... even though it killed almost a thousand times more people than the 9/11 terrorist attacks. Most of them were seniors. I think that, as well as a general fatigue and disappointment over the lack of swamp-draining from those who weren’t fanatical devotees, probably sealed his fate. I admit, I wasn’t very sure Biden really had much of a chance for a long time... until COVID happened. But hey, at least we got our stimmy from Trump, right lads?

I’m still fully convinced that Trump never intended to win, and that his run was done purely for ego and financial gain, but his ability to effortlessly bait the media, as well as his unexpected exposing of the sham we all knew presidential elections to be, wound up rocketing him to success. Trump will no doubt go down as one of the most successful conmen in American history, one so slick he wound up conning his way all the way into the White House. The whole thing was like if The Producers was a presidential campaign, fascism included. Granted, I don’t think Trump was ever a true fascist; I think he wanted to be a dictator, but the actual job of being President was a drag. The cult of personality he accrued, however, was the biggest source of narcissistic supply that he’d ever experienced in his entire life. Hell, just being the literal President, the most important person in the entire fucking world, is a hell of a high that I don’t think he’ll ever really be able to reclaim. Trump’s going to be chasing that dragon for the rest of his life. Having “President” in front of your name is a lot nicer than actually, you know, having to be the President. I mean, look at how quickly Obama went gray. A lot of people are convinced Trump will run again in 2024, and I don’t doubt it, but unless something happens that completely throws us for a loop, I don’t see him being able to recreate the, er, “magic” of 2016. Everyone getting to see that, not only was his fanbase capable of having embarrassing public meltdowns just like the le epic triggered snowflake lib Hilary supporters, but that their meltdowns were even more embarrassing, and that they all looked like a bunch of fucking English soccer hooligans during the Capitol siege... well, I think that’s going to put off the swing voters, as well as the moderate Republicans.

Also, that Twitter knock-off founded by Trump’s aide, Gettr, being flooded by gay furries posting Sonic the Hedgehog foot porn? Feels like classic 4chan-style raiding. I approve. It almost feels like we’re healing, even if it’s just a little bit.

But what the fuck did we even learn from all this? What did I learn from this?

I don’t know. It feels like over the time I’ve been on Tumblr, what was once SJW became woke, and being woke has become very normal; so normal, in fact, that fucking massive corporations that use slave labor overseas will change their Twitter icons to rainbow every June because The Gays have become a safe, marketable demographic. On one hand, it’s nice to know that, at least in what I guess is considered the western world, LGBT people are more accepted now than they ever have been. On the other... god, it feels so cynical, doesn’t it? This is all very stream of consciousness, here. I don’t write very much on here since, surprise surprise, Tumblr’s been kind of dead since the porn ban. I still see people post, but it used to be that I couldn’t refresh my dash without seeing dozens of new posts. Now it feels like I refresh my dash and I’d be lucky to see a new post there an hour later. This is why I’m on Discord more. It feels like I have more productive conversations than I ever could on Tumblr or Twitter. Twitter is just... god. It’s like all the worst parts of Tumblr without the parts that made it fun aside from a few memes.

Sorry, I got off track there. The point I was going to make before is that, while I am still very firmly anti-censorship, I’ve managed to put myself in a position where it no longer feels like the stakes are so high. I can relax. I don’t have to feel like I’m on the defense the whole time as somebody grills me over some slip-up. I don’t use Twitter that much. When I do post something in response to somebody, I feel like I instantly regret it. I posted in response to some dumbass spreading a rumor that 4chan’s favorite Simpson’s meme about Sneed’s Feed and Seed is secretly ableist, and I got a response from some dude with an Umaru-chan avatar telling me how he’s proudly racist because he and his friends call each other slurs? Like bro, you’re posting cringe, you’re going to lose subscriber-

I don’t know what I’ve learned yet. Maybe that social media sucks and that chatrooms with friends are the superior way to communicate online. I tried out Telnet recently to go into some random IRC, that was neat. It just feels nice to not have to get into a fucking argument every fucking day over shit that doesn’t matter as much as people thinks it does, to not have to hear about every fucking time the President sneezes or farts. It’s not that there’s no longer anything to worry about; there is. I’d really like to see fellow lefties go after the handful of massive corporations that control the majority of the online experience, who censor not just all the racist white dude grifters in suits who all look suspiciously similar to one another, but us as well. I want to see us raise a bigger stink about the web being santized, sterlized, and gentrified to be friendlier to corporations who only want your precious data and eyeballs. Maybe without the constant distraction of Bad Orange Man, we could make that happen. Maybe.

Or maybe fucking Dream will breathe again and all the fucking children will piss their pants and clog up Twitter, fuck these kids, get off my internet, GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[yikes-xander]

self indulgent luke hc no one will care about

Note: this is kind of all over the place because I just spent like 2 hours this morning writing it (it’s not even 10 am yet) but I hope u enjoy!!

It’s canon that Luke is an only child

I have a feeling maybe he wished he had siblings growing up

Sunset Curve is literally like family for all of the boys, they’ve said it multiple times and they make it very obvious when they interact in the show

Also,, I was talking to @sunsetcxrve about this,, max said that he thinks the age order of the band is Luke/Bobby/Reggie/Alex,, I 100% agree

Luke and Bobby are pretty close in age, maybe like a month or two apart then Reggie and Alex are quite a bit younger (still all 17 though obviously)

He just wants to be a big brother! he loves the band so much and wants to protect them and offer them all the support he can 🥺🥺 I love him

Trans Luke HC time baby!!

Even before he came out I think he still would’ve presented more masc (from personal experience, I knew I wasn’t cis from a pretty young age, I always felt Off yknow? I just didn’t have the words to explain it so I was a ‘tomboy’ or whatever because I felt comfortable in masc presenting clothes, etc.)

I think he would’ve told the band before anyone else, they would have multiple talks about it, just be there to listen to Luke and try to help him figure things out (also I feel like Alex isn’t cis either,, but Bobby/Reggie give me cis vibes, they gotta teach Alex/Luke the ways of ✨ Boy Things ✨ that was dumb, sorry anyway continuing now)

This is where ‘My Name Is Luke’ comes in

I said before that I think he would’ve written it when he was coming to terms with his identity (it’s always a struggle, but especially growing up in the 90s) he was afraid of how people would react, mostly his parents

I think Alex came out as gay first (IDK if in the show it was said he came out around 16 or if that’s just in my brain?? But I think it would’ve still been a fairly recent thing when they died), so Luke would’ve been so scared to tell his parents knowing what happened to Alex

He used the song as a way of coming out instead of having to face his parents directly. At first, I think they would be kind of confused and take a bit to come around but ultimately support him.

In the show they’re portrayed as very loving parents, they care about Luke so much, and even though he was mad at them for not supporting the band 100%, they just wanted him to have a sure way of supporting himself yknow? Music doesn’t always work out for everyone and they just want what’s best for him, the three of them just didn’t see it the same way

I think if his parents knew about the band playing with Julie and how successful they are currently? They would realize they were in the wrong and they would fully support his choice to do music because they love their son and everything he does!!

So that’s why they would be so supportive of him being trans (to me at least,, to each their own though I guess)

They just want him to be happy and comfortable in who he is

Emily would cut his hair for him (so he doesn’t have to keep tucking it into his beanies when he leaves the house)

His dad would give him some old clothes to wear (flannels baby!! He loves em) in the time before they go shopping to get some more things for Luke

Also just want to add in that I don’t think he’s told Julie that he’s trans

He just hasn’t felt the need to yet

But they’re getting closer and closer as time goes on so I think he would tell her sooner than later, he just wants to find the right time

But she would support him so much!!

I don’t know if she knows that Alex is gay? Because she wasn’t there when it was first mentioned, and she hasn’t met Willie

So maybe off camera they could’ve talked about it and she does know, or she might find out later (meeting Willie maybe?? That would be cool but IDK if she would be able to see him)

Anyway back on track sorry

I love the idea of Julie telling Luke and Alex about how much things have changed since ‘95, about how most people are more accepting now, gay marriage is legal, media representation for LGBT+ is more frequent, etc.

Obviously could still improve, but progress!!

They would be so happy too

Sorry I went off on a lil tangent back to the song

It means a lot to Luke, it’s probably one of the songs that have the most emotions poured into it (Unsaid Emily takes the cake of course), and that’s why he was so angry when he found out Bobby recorded it and made so much money off of stolen work

Bobby was his friend so Luke has every right to be mad

But also!! We don’t know the whole Bobby/Trevor story yet so no Bobby slander here!

That’s all I love trans Luke

No one in this show is cishet because I’m not and I said so thank u for listening goodbye

[theratopia]

Start over

Hi, friends,

How are you doing? Somebody should ask.

I feel like I’m contractually obligated to send at least one question per year, and it’s already June. I started writing this update in April, but you’ll understand why it took me so long to finish this in a few moments.

I have been inside my house for over a year now, since April 2020. To be precise, I went to the doctor once in July, then across the street twice in November to vote, then out once more this month for another doctor’s appointment. Between those, I spent stretches of 4 to 7 months inside my house. Do I feel like I’m losing contact with reality? A little bit. Another reason to reach out and tell you how life is in Groundhog Day-land, and thank you for all the support.

The reason why it’s taking me over a month to write this is twofold: I started a room renovation in late March, and when I got close to the end of it, I got Covid-19 again. “Again?”, you would ask me. Ah, yes, again. Because apparently staying inside for a whole year is not enough. We are not sure what caused the first contamination, but the most recent was caused by a birthday party. The neighbors downstairs invited half of their family to drink and yell during a Saturday afternoon. A few days later all inhabitants of all four houses in our complex begin presenting symptoms. For my sister and me, it was the second episode; first for my parents.

Many times in my life I have dealt with the fear of dying or losing a family member. There is no getting used to it. We were in a constant state of panic for two weeks. Even though I recovered well, I am now dealing with post-Covid syndrome, which is a thing and it’s as fun as it sounds. So, not only I have to kick this disease in the balls twice and tell death “not today”, but I also have to tell the lasting effects to fuck off already.

Oh, and the neighbor who started all this? By my estimations, he contaminated between 14 and 20 people. And then he died. But don’t worry, he was a piece of shit. His family is acting like nothing happened, receiving guests almost daily.

Pandemic? Who’s she?

But please, when does it end?

Vaccination is a desire for the future, but it should be coming sooner rather than later since some mayors have decided to compete which town finishes immunization faster. Thankfully, all my grandparents are fully vaccinated and my immediate family got at least their first shot. In my household, I’m the only one still waiting. Best case scenario, I get the first shot next month and the second one a month later. Or it could be postponed to September, with a three month waiting period for the second shot. Until then, continuous isolation is the safest bet.

So here I am to tell you how have I been surviving inside.

Most of my life during these 14 months has been confined to a desk, a chair, and the lower bunk bed. I don’t even have the entire room for myself. The majority of my day happens within an area of 16 sq. ft. I measured. Don’t get me wrong, I am still able to recognize my privilege of being able to not go out for as long as I have. However, as much as I enjoy staying inside, feeling trapped I do not. I am unable to physically move anywhere, which translates into feeling like I can’t move forward with my life. Barstow is still Barstow, but now smaller and more dangerous.

So, to escape and to exercise my stubbornness of not giving up I had to come up with strategies to grow inwards.

I tell you all this because I know that the PodTherapy community was and is a great source of inspiration to better myself even when everything feels hopeless. This show keeps me grounded and motivated. I started working out of Nick, I have been journaling more because of Jim, I have been trying to keep myself busy with projects around the house because of Jacob. I listen to you every week and I feel less alone. The therapod community and the scoop community are the only reasons why I look at Twitter, which I had to abandon for weeks because I realized it was making me so hopeless that I started to shut down mentally and have physical effects of anxiety. I have been avoiding the news too because it literally raises my blood pressure.

To forge some type of normalcy into my hermetic life, I have been focusing on keeping a schedule that separates the days with different tasks. Time has a bit of meaning again and things get slowly done. I need to move my body and my mind, otherwise, the dread makes me numb.

I have realized how strong I am, which is a weird one. I am also once again grateful to have a supportive and loving family that is still happy to be together after all this. I’m tired, but I’m fine. Oh, and the “focus on the now” advice is not the best one when the present is this. I have to cling to a future. I have to tell myself that whatever I’m doing now is because it will improve tomorrow. And, sometimes, to remind me of how much I have conquered so far, I find refuge in the good memories.

I guess it’s all of this and The Sims, that’s how I’ve been keeping myself sane.

If I could I would write much more because I love to add a bit of a South American, LGBT+, female flavor to this American white dude conversation. I threatened you that I was going to write in every week, so we’ll see how long this bit lasts.

I understand that in the US the pandemic seems to be over and you guys are all happy about it, but that’s just not real. The pandemic is not over. And remember that if your country has an abundance of vaccines to reach the majority of your population it’s because the rest of the world was left with the scarcity.

Now, I have simple questions. Am I doing it right? What else do I do? Is there anything else I can do living this mandatory recluse life?

Miss you all very much,

Triple hug,

The Mayor

[9w1ft]

this post is for any swiftie who is on the fence about this, or anyone who has heard about kaylor for the first time. please allow me a few minutes of your time.. pretty please with a cherry on top? i see you. ready to scroll past this. please. in this moment. please. give it a read. two years ago i was right where you were. please look this time. it is so important to what is going on now and taylor needs you to understand fully about scooter.

we are at a turning point. taylor’s life’s work was just bought up by scooter braun and it is important for everyone to read this perspective because as swifties we have to understand the full gravity of the situation in order to best defend taylor against her worst nightmare. you may think the kimye situation is terrible enough, but add to it this:

Scooter has been a manager for a one joshua kushner for the better part of this decade. as in, the brother of the guy who is running major arms of our whitehouse without qualification. scooter’s job is to improve his client’s image as it relates to securing foreign investments as josh is a uh.... ‘venture capitalist’ in charge of investing his family’s assets. if you’ve been looking into scooter, go ahead and look into him too.

josh started being seen with then 19 year old (think about that) rising star karlie kloss. considering the amount of push in tabloids that this otherwise nobody started getting, these two are easily identifiable as a PR relationship. he does work with many overseas investors, and karlie helps bring them in where josh alone cannot (please take the time to look up about PR relationships and how common they are. also look up ‘bearding’ and how common it is to set up a PR relationship so that a manager can better mask who a client loves, should that be problematic to a target demographic)

taylor and karlie were formally introduced to one another at the end of 2013. they became best best friends. inseparable. seen together everywhere. anytime they are together their happiness is palpable.

did you know there was a slice of pavement in new york city by where karlie lives with the initials TS♡KK engraved? they were thick as thieves!

i am not going to ask you to believe taylor and karlie dated one another. and if you believe that, i’m not going to ask you to believe they are still together. as for the first point, well, the visual history between them (and between taylor and other women integral to her life story) is overwhelming and if you would like to look at what i feel are the most straightforward stuff browse my blog @kaylorwelcomecenter and beyond.

but i digress. let’s assume taylor and karlie were just best best friends, then

...well, okay, they got caught kissing (we think that’s what Dancing With Our Hands Tied is about). but let’s say they were drunk? regardless, the smiles don’t lie—i think it goes without saying that taylor and karlie were important to one another. karlie influenced taylor to stay in new york, for example, instead of moving to london. karlie changed the trajectory of taylor’s life.

and you know they meant the world to one another because of songs with specific lyrics pointing to that like You Are In Love (taylor had an instagram post of her and karlie road tripping at big sur with the caption ‘on the way home’), and on reputation with songs like King Of My Heart (‘drinking beer out of plastic cups’ ... google “taylor swift beer” and see what photos come up), and Dress (watch her perform it with karlie watching, as she sings “i don’t want you like a best friend”).

karlie signed with scooter and in 2016 trump assumed office. jared kushner suddenly represents our nation. from then til now karlie has grown further and further distant from taylor as her relationship with jared’s brother continues.

that pavement? construction happened and the TS was mysteriously cut out and replaced with a J along with the freshly laid concrete.

rep tour starts and includes the song “don’t take the money” by jack antonoff in the preshow playlist. please listen to that song.

karlie announces her engagement to josh and the very next concert taylor sings Curious with hayley kiyoko and is in charge of the line “calling me up so late at night are we just friends? say you wanted me but you’re sleeping with him.”

the only time they are seen in public is at the nashville concert in august, and there is a photo of karlie celebrating her bachelorette with her sisters. strange that the same ambience of the photo down to the curly pink straw was replicated in You Need To Calm Down. karlie’s straw says ‘bride’ while taylor chose the word ‘lover’

after passing through karlie’s hometown, taylor sang “Speak Now” and was shaking with electricity in her delivery.

taylor comes out as a democrat. says something compelled her in the past two years to start speaking out.

karlie and josh suddenly hold a surprise wedding (coordinated by scooter’s team) while taylor is en route to australia. i say surprise because it came out of nowhere, (wouldn’t you say it took taylor by surprise?) had close to nobody documented in attendance, and the tabloid articles pushed it constantly during the bad press the kushners were getting in conjunction to ... world events involving a us citizen that was a member of the press...

taylor lands in oceania and sings I Knew You Were Trouble and slips in a firey “and the saddest fear comes creeping in that she never loved me”

on the very last night of the rep tour, a kaylor sign (representing the pavement mark) gets put up on the big screen as taylor sings “you belong with me” and bows in front of it.

in between then and the lover announcement, taylor all but confirms that half of one of the reputation concept photos is a collage of her and karlie’s eyes. ...i mean, she even encircled which eye is hers on the lover album cover 😂

because their first wedding was such a drag, karlie and josh held a ‘bigger reception,’ also coordinated by scooter’s team, and they had the audacity to give out shots of patrón as party favors 😡 taylor is not in attendance.

now scooter buys her music??

not only is this guy responsible for bad behavior surrounding kimye, he also has orchestrated the obliteration of one of the foundational relationships of taylor’s life. whether it was platonic or more than that, i don’t want to waste my time convincing you because either way, hearing scooter’s name makes taylor cry. and i am a thousand three hundred percent positive that it isn’t just about bullying surrounding kimye.

think about that. think on it.

we need to support taylor (and god am i worried about karlie in her own right!) and it goes beyond the kimye drama because this man and his client are predatory and downright creepy. and given the political connection? dangerous. they ruined her reputation and took away her best friend. literally took her name out of the pavement and ‘married’ her friend off in the eyes of the public. this goes far f*ing beyond bad management practices. this is so unforgivable.

and i cannot stand for people jumping in the comments telling us we are all delusional. honest to god i thought this was all ‘a reach’ two years ago. i was there. but i gave things the benefit of the doubt and i looked into it. i did my research on the music industry, and on hollywood and PR relationships. taylor wanted us to get political, right? please take this a step further if you already haven’t and look into the structures that control our society. taylor is dropping easter eggs for us, right? we need to look for clues. taylor is drawing attention to LGBT issues, right? look at the intersection of that and the music industry, suspend disbelief for one instant and imagine if taylor herself was gay, what her relationship with karlie may have meant to her, and how it was torn apart, at the very hands of the men who took over her music.

i am being serious. people calling us delusional might like to tout themselves as being sane or more in touch with the world, but they are literally sticking their heads in the sand on this one and turning a blind eye on something that is so cutting for taylor... now and over the course of her whole career. and each and every one of them best get off anon and stick a name to their words and proudly stick a pin to their comments, and @ taylor (i am dead serious. at your words to @taylorswift) if they are oh so confident, because when this blows open they’ll be on the wrong side of history on this one and i want them to know it and own it and learn from it. because this a huge life lesson and we are poised to take what we learn and give back to our idol by defending her in full force and it’s harder to fight when you’re sitting on your hands.. what role are you going to play? please... make the jump.

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

I'm the anon who tried to send a three-part message! Unfortunately I have no idea what the heck the middle part consisted of but essentially my problem is I want to come out as bi to my parents, and I know that they're really supportive of LGBT issues, but I'm absolutely terrified for no reason ever and hopefully the 1st and 3rd parts give you enough background to figure out what's going on.... I know I finally got around to asking the real question in part 3 so that should be okay... thank you!

Hi! So, I'm fairly certain I'm bi (or at least as certain as I can be considering I'm still only 15). Thing is, I'm having kind of a problem right now. My parents are amazing, supportive people. Both of them have made it very clear in the past that they support LGBT issues. My mom has explicitly said "I'd be fine if my child was gay". Not because she thinks I am (because I don't think she has a clue) just as part of a conversation on one of my favourite historical figures, who ... (1/?)

...just come out to them or keep waiting for now. Add to that the fact that talking about this sort of thing with them has always been awkward (I have been told, repeatedly, that I am not allowed to date until I'm a legal adult AND financially independent, ha). Should I just come out to them anyway, or wait until I'm older, and is this sort of stress normal when I KNOW that they're really supportive of LGBT people? I hope I didn't ramble on too long, I panicked. Have a wonderful day! (3/3)

I figured it’d be something like that but I really wasn’t sure if there was some crucial information missing in part 2.

If and when you are ready to come out is your own decision to make. Everyone hits that point at a different time. For some people it’s easy, for others it’s harder. If you worry that you aren’t “certain enough” of being bi then know that you can still come out even if you are not entirely sure. It’s fine to come out saying “I think I’m bi” or “I might be bi but I’m still figuring things out at the moment”.

But you say you are fairly certain anyway and certainty in those regards doesn’t have to have anything to do with age. You can be certain at 15 or uncertain at 60. Everyone is different and you’re never too young or too old for self-discovery.

You say that your parents are supportive - or at least say they are. Sometimes parents pick up on their kids’ queerness before them and throw hints towards being okay with queer people so the kids feel safe. But often that’s not explicit enough and the kids still end up worrying that their parents might support every other LGBTQIA+ person but not if it’s in the own family. But for now I would opperate under the assumption that your parents will be okay with it. Maybe they will need a little time to fully understand it. But they don’t really give you any reason to believe that coming out to them could put you in danger.

The only thing that made me flinch tbh was your off-hand remark about not being allowed to date until your and adult and financially independent?!?! That seems very controlling. The financially independent part is absolutely ridiculous to be honest. I wasn’t financially independent until I was ~25 = seven years into being a legal adult. If my parents had so much as dared to think they could control who I was seeing, dating or fucking at that point I would’ve flipped tables. But also, it’s very contraproductive for parents of teenagers to forbid things like that because all it leads to is the teenagers doing it in secret and that’s potentially more dangerous than it would have been if the parents knew about it and didn’t make a problem out of it. It’s simply false to think that teenagers don’t date, don’t fall in love or aren’t interested in sex. So I think in that regard your parents are really making the wrong call. But that might not be something you can change about them. I wouldn’t know how.

To come back to your actual question: if you want to come out then do it. You’re not too young and you don’t need to be 110% certain. It’s up to you and only you can know when you feel ready.

Maddie

[bustedbernie]

Hi @heatherleee .

I don’t “hate” anyone. But as far as politicians go, Sanders has a comportment that is totally unacceptable. And it’s not just about policies.

So, i worked for the Obama and Clinton campaigns in 2008, 2012, and 2016. I’ve volunteered for local and state level candidates in both the Albuquerque area and in rural parts of New Mexico. This is to say that I am a democrat and have been working for actual democrats for longer than Bernie himself has been. That’s part one why I dislike Bernie. He is not a democrat. He is not “blue.” If he wants support from actual democrats, than that means he’d have to do several things. 1) either apologize for his past and current antagonism toward democrats or at least claim to “evolve” on this. 2) fundraise BIG for downballot democrats both in his home state and across the country. 3) Work for the actual party 4) register as a democrat through and through and run as a democrat in his senate elections. He hasn’t really done any of this. I’m sorry, but if he is expecting people like me who have spent time calling, canvassing, data banking, knocking on doors and donating to be on his side if he got the nomination, that’s insane. This is hard work and takes a lot of sweat, tears and dollars. We see him as a conman who is using our carefully built infrastructure while not doing the above to help. We don’t stand for that. And add in him getting involved with OUR campaign and saying OUR man, the first black president, needed to face a primary while we were dealing with a very powerful candidate emerging in Mitt Romney? It was not only totally irresponsible and disrespectful, it was a slap in the face. Don’t forget that Bernie has long held onto the idea that democrats and republicans are “the same.” Why would I like him after all that? 

Going on, I can’t forgive nor overlook his sexism and racism. This is kinda a big deal. His plans are not intersectional. Even to cite himself and many of his supporters, he bases much of his ideology on marxism. Marxism comes from a specific time and place and our point in history is quite different. I am quite smitten with many radical thinkers and philosophers, which is why I see Marxism and marxist writings/thoughts as foundational to a certain worldview in the same way Aristotle is. They’re great, but we’ve built on that worldview and adapted it, and we now have thinkers who speak not only of the facetious nature of “revolution,” but also the need for intersectionality and how “revolutions” often come at the expense of oppressed groups. Bernie’s ideology has not caught up. If you hear me say things like “Hillary Clinton or Kamala Harris are far more progressive than Bernie Sanders,” this is why. Their plans actually address issues of racial justice and gender issues while Sanders sees them, at best, as a secondary issue. He himself has called them “distractions,” while also peddling the idea that “a rising tide lifts all boats.” This just isn’t the case. If he is truly as revolutionary, futuristic, and truly the justice candidate, why in the world can’t he support or speak to issues that black americans, queer americans and indigenous folks deal with everyday? Saying a “rising tide lifts all ships” is to ignore us, to leave us unseen and to castigate the very base of the democratic party. Why can he speak to the so-called “white working class” but not anyone else? 

We can use your housing plan as an example. On the surface, I support many of Bernie’s goals and even many of his plans. But on this issue, you can see that he is peddling ideas that became popular in the 60s and 70s and were implemented in some areas. But, his program is outdated and racist, and doesn’t address the need for black wealth building programs. It also uses blanket policies that aren’t good for certain urban areas. Furthermore, his plan makes little room for new housing development which is actually the largest issue with rent and home prices currently. His plan would actually perpetuate problems by ignoring the supply-side issue. This is seen throughout much of his policies and proposals. 

Let’s get into why that’s an issue. Bernie supporters will tell us that it should be “just about policy,” yet, Joe Biden has now created a public transport plan that is the gold standard in this primary. Elizabeth Warren’s housing plan addresses the issues I outlined above. Kamala Harris’ plan did as well and arguably was better than either Warren or Biden’s current plans. Both have been attacked by Bernie supporters on this issue in breathtaking ways. They have been labelled land developers (which i’m not sure as to why that’s a pejorative), neoliberals, centrists, republicans even. This is not a policy debate. In this example, I’ve mentioned three candidates that have had policies. Instead of engaging on the policies, they attack the very character of the candidates. Whether you support Biden, Buttigieg, Warren or yes, even Sanders, they ALL have very similar goals and ideas. They may have very different timelines for those goals or funding mechanisms or might value some goals more than others, but we are all on board. Yet, we are attacked as if we don’t want healthcare or housing for the poor, as if we don’t want some form of debt relief, etc. There is no nuance allowed and I see frequently the idea that “Bernie is the ONLY one fighting for [X,Y,Z].”

And that’s the largest reason I don’t like Bernie. He has built up a very dangerous cult of personality. It feeds a form of discourse that is corrosive, divisive and actually benefits our largest rivals more than it benefits any type of progressive goal. Me, and many others, place much of the blame for 2016 at Bernie’s feet. You don’t have to agree, but that’s that. I, personally, will not forgive him for what he said and did against Hillary Clinton. I won’t forgive his campaign or his followers for lying on Kamala Harris. And I am not a super big fan of Warren or Biden and here I am finding myself defending them because many in your cohort are spreading the same kinds of lies and conspiracies and propaganda as the MAGA people. And yes, I am fully aware I am making an equivalency between Trump and Sanders with that statement, and I fully stand by it. This black and white worldview is why we have a discourse where “Bernie is the only candidate that has done [X,Y,Z]” is taken seriously by some voters, many of whom either don’t believe Bernie has ever evolved on issues (guns, LGBT rights, women’s rights, states rights, military, etc) or are willing to give Bernie the right to grow and evolve as a politician while not allowing the same of other candidates. It’s not right nor is it okay. 

So I don’t hate Bernie for any one policy, I am more than happy to engage in policy debates and accept that we all have slightly different views on that. But, those debates need to be done in good faith and that’s simply not something we get from Bernie or a majority of his supporters. If this were a policy thing, I could talk about Bernie the same way I talk about Warren or Biden or Buttigieg, and say they’re okay people with okay ideas but they need to pay attention to X,Y,Z because of A,B,C. But when I said I like Kamala’s health plan best for X reasons, I got told i was a fascist or centrist or neoliberal or whatever. I NEVER had a discussion where someone told me why they thought Bernie’s plans were better. Same with Hillary Clinton. Same with everyone still running today. As for this blog, I made it because I was frustrated by all of the above and wanted a place to vent + I wanted to make sure there was at least some content on Tumblr challenging the idea that Bernie is perfect, unproblematic or the undisputed winner. B/C that narrative really made people who spend a ton of time on the internet freak out when it turned out not to be true in 2016. I STILL see people who say “I don’t know a single Joe Biden supporter” on here. I’ve seen that for several other candidates as well. If this blog helps demonstrate that not all democrats/leftists are not on board with Bernie, maybe it will help just a little bit to lessen that blow. I’ve met people who have supported most all of the candidates. The echo chamber needs to have some challenge to it. That echo chamber only feeds the awful cult of personality that i really can’t stand and that I feel is very dangerous. 

[antagonistchanremade]

(disclaimer: this post is all over the place because there’s something i need to get off my chest but i can’t really figure out how to word it concisely (or even necessarily at all), and i didn’t write this post entirely in order, and just. hopefully you’ll understand what i’m getting at if you read the whole thing? and i don’t really think this counts as discourse, because i don’t think i want anyone to actually change their behavior, i’m trying more to just, like... figure out some of my own mental problems)

it is very frustrating when there’s a post about racial issues that reads very similarly to ways that i’ve been abused. because like. it hurts a lot but i can’t really say anything about it because it’s something that does need to be said.

i’m not sure how to word this properly, just. like.

there are a lot of posts about, like, white people performatively trying to get woke points to appear racially progressive without actually being super progressive about race. and, like, i don’t doubt that that’s a problem. i’ve been on the other side of that sort of thing when it comes to lgbt+ issues (especially trans issues) and mental health issues. i understand that it’s a thing that needs to be fixed, and i also understand how incredibly satisfying and calming it is to get that sort of anger off your chest.

but at the same time, i’ve got my own mental baggage with being told that i’m not trying hard enough at stuff? it is a very common problem that people with adhd have to deal with, being constantly yelled at and belittled for supposedly not trying hard enough at anything. and this has seriously left its mark on me. even the slightest accusation of not putting in enough effort absolutely activates my fight-or-flight reflex (or rather, my fight-flight-freeze-or-fawn reflex, seriously this thread on twitter has been amazing for helping me understand myself). and it’s coupled with an accusation that i’m just trying to look good so i can be worshipped. and on some level, i kind of am just trying to look good, but it’s not because i’m seeking worship, it’s because i’m seeking approval (see again, that twitter thread). and these posts are often very demanding, saying that i need to read this fully and internalize it. and most white people, regardless of how “woke” they are, absolutely do. but, like, this sort of language is kinda triggering for me. especially because of my rsd- i think i’m actually pretty good about the things these posts are about, like constantly thinking about how my white privilege affects me and actually being conscious instead of just parroting progressive catchphrases, because this sort of stuff is always on my mind (and, to make it obvious that i’m not trying to make myself seem noble, it’s not always on my mind because i’m just That Good Of An Ally, it’s always on my mind because i’m self-conscious as all hell). but my rsd goes “look!!! they’re complaining about white people!!! They Hate You, Specifically, So Much”. and like, they’re often about people who only do the performative things and don’t actually think about their privilege, but they’re often worded as if they’re complaining about everyone who does the performative things period, and that’s what makes my rsd go crazy. like they’re somehow implying that trying to show my support is inherently evil, but not actually saying what i should be doing instead, and just. god, the problem isn’t them. what they’re saying is absolutely right, and absolutely needs to be said, the problem is my own mental health. like, i shouldn’t think of it as “doing This Thing is racially progressive, and doing This Thing is racist”, because it’s really about being conscious about this stuff, but people have emotionally manipulated me to think about things the former way, so when people tell me not to think like that, i panic and go “BUT WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO??????????????????????????? JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT AND I’LL DO IT” because that’s the fucked up way my emotional response works.

just. so much discourse is aimed specifically at people who don’t think like me, who don’t have the same fucked up trauma that i have, and because it’d be ridiculous to ask that people always keep that in mind, they, of course, don’t, and i end up feeling attacked on all sides by people just trying to defend themselves and speak their minds.

and i can’t even complain at them, because they probably already have a ton of angry white people whining about how ThEy’Re NoT lIkE tHaT!!!#NotAllWhitePeople, and i don’t wanna add to that pile.

[peachyrm]

i feel like a lot of ppl on this site see a callout post for BTS, look at all of the problematic things they did in the past, and immediately ‘cancel’ them or see that as a valid reason to finally hate them or kpop in general, without considering the context of the situations or how the kpop industry works.

im definitely not here to defend the things they said or did, because it WAS gross. but those things are also from 3-5 years ago, have apologized for or had no control over whether it happened or not.

this post serves as a ‘clearing their name’ type of post, and will actually take a look into the problematic things theyve done and how they dealt with it, along with all the positive things they have done in the past few years. it will be pretty lengthy and will have lots of sources/screenshots. before i get into this though, i want to say that no one is obligated to like BTS, or forgive them for what they/their label did. you reserve the right to feel the way you feel, however that may be. that being said, this post is for people who never saw the apologies, who vaguely know who BTS are and saw only bad things about them, who want to get into BTS but aren’t sure if they’re extremely problematic, and more.

starting off, i want to explain the context behind the links of this post. i would link the original, but op has deleted it. so, obviously, yes bts did do all of the above. but like i said before, it was 3-5 (now, technically 6) years ago. when BTS debuted in 2013, they were all 21 or under. 15-16 year old Jungkook being the youngest, and Seokjin being the oldest at 21. they were merely teenagers and on top of this, had no or very little control of their self image. the hairstyles & photoshoots, the boys had no control over. bighit and bts’ stylists are in charge of these things. if you want someone to be angry at, be angry at bighit, bts’ label company. this includes RM’s hairstyle back in the ‘No More Dream’ era / early debut days, Suga’s dreads, and any other hairstyle, clothing, or photoshoot that caused controversy. (in case anyone, who isn’t familiar with kpop, is confused; kpop label companies usually control everything their idols do. from what they wear, to what their songs are about, to if they’re even allowed to date. it’s a very disgusting industry that has a history of abuse, but that’s an entirely different subject i could get into.)

here is an article where BigHit apologizes for the antisemitism + the ‘bombing’ shirt Jimin wore, and they explicitly state that “the band members were ‘in no way responsible’ for the controversy.” which further proves my point that the boys had no control over what they wore/how they looked.

here is a thread about RM’s racist behavior in the past, and admitting + apologizing for what he did, including how he has changed certain lyrics of songs because they could be seen as (or were) misogynist. to this day, RM hates and regrets how his hair looked at the time.

in case anyone doesn’t want to read the entire thread, RM says this: “As I went through the year 2016 I came to think about that. My words or behaviors, regardless of my intentions, could cause troubles or hurt others feelings. In the process, I thought I need to hold responsibility for that and I need to think about such things. What I said or did would not be undone. I thought so. Then I learned how to admit myself. [...] Anyways, to become a better person, I need to hold responsibility for what I do. I need to change my mindset. I need to change my way of thinking if it’s wrong. I learned I need to hear from many people. I mean, I came to think like that. Now when I do something, I think, ‘how would people feel about my act?’” 

again, this is not excuses for what they did, but rather how/why it happened or how they had no choice in the matter & what they had to say about it afterwards. BTS are living, growing people who have acknowledged their mistakes and apologized. in RM’s speech at the U.N. he says this: “Maybe I made a mistake yesterday, but yesterday’s me is still me. I am who I am today, with all my faults. Tomorrow I might be a tiny bit wiser, and that’s me, too. These faults and mistakes are what I am, making up the brightest stars in the constellation of my life. I have come to love myself for who I was, who I am, and who I hope to become.”

since the apology part of this post is mostly over, i wanted to talk about the good things that bts has done in the past few years. things like their continuous support of the LGBT community, the powerful messages in their music, the bending of the ‘typical kpop style’, etc.

-

over the years and as their popularity grew, BTS have actually managed to seemingly take more control over what they stand for and how they present themselves and their music. since around 2017, BTS have made a very impactful social stance with their string of albums & their concept: “Love Yourself”. for people who don’t know, this concept consists of three albums over the course of 2016-2018 and are in order as follows: LOVE YOURSELF 承 'Her', LOVE YOURSELF 轉 'Tear' LOVE YOURSELF 結 'Answer'

the summarized version of the stories are love at first sight, the failing/one-sided-ness of said love, and then learning how to love and accept yourself before you are fully able to love others. along with this concept came the partnership with the anti-violence campaign, UNICEF, who work to protect young people from all over the world. the entire album concept consistently promotes self-love and acceptance, something that is not very explored in kpop or even western pop music in general. while some of the songs in “LY: Her” use female pronouns, almost all the rest of them across all the albums use gender neutral or no pronouns. this was done intentionally by RM (who writes/produces a majority of their songs), as he believes “feelings/love transcend genders, cultures, and barriers between people.” the title song of “LY: Her”, “DNA”, (as stated in the screenshot) further expresses this idea with the lyrics: “None of this is a coincidence Because we’re the two who found our destiny - I only focus on you You steer me a little harder The DNA of the genesis wants you This is inevitable, I love us We are the only true lovers”

and in “Serendipity”, as well:

“The universe has moved for us Without missing a single thing Our happiness was meant to be Cuz you love me, and I love you”

while, obviously, there is one ‘her’ pronoun in the song, most of it expresses what RM says. and bighit being bighit, im sure they had some say in how the lyrics were presented, esp since it was the title song. what i’m trying to say is that i truly believe BTS are doing their best to support the lgbt community, even with the tight restrictions that their label and the kpop genre puts on them. being on the topic of LGBT+ and support of the community, here is suga pretty much saying he’s bi. + and of course, his iconic lyrics in “Cypher Pt.3″

here is the bisexual flag colors in j-hope’s music video for his song “Daydream”.

RM saying he liked “Same Love” twice as much after reading about the lyrics, and Suga outright saying “Nothing is wrong. Everyone is equal.” in the first screenshot.

Jungkook’s love and support for troye sivan + Jimin wearing jeans with lyrics of troye sivan’s “Youth” on them

bts defying gender norms over and over and over.

fondness & friendship with/of multiple lgbt artists

RM referencing the film “Moonlight” in the song “4 O’Clock”

RM wrote the lyrics for GLAM’s song “XXO”,  that say “Are you a boy? Girl? I don’t care, passion is the key”

Jungkook and Jimin covering the song “We Don’t Talk Anymore” and not changing the pronouns.

an excerpt from RM’s speech at the U.N. ;  “Tell me your story. I want to hear your voice, and I want to hear your conviction. No matter who you are, where you’re from, your skin color, gender identity: speak yourself.” + full transcript here.

and these are just things i can think of off the top of my head. as for their political stance and social messages in their music, & talking about other things considered taboo in kpop (such as mental health/illness), here you go:

-

suga talking about (his) mental health and struggles in various songs on his mixtape.

their ENTIRE “IDOL” music video is basically a response to how people stereotype them/the kpop genre & have said that they are “too westernized”. the song includes a “traditional African-Korean sound”, the boys wearing hanboks/traditional korean clothing, on top of lots of korean history references & symbolism, and how they take pride in what they do. here is a really good video analyzing & explaining the mv. heres 3 more posts explaining why it sounds/looks the way it does, and how BTS did it intentionally. in case nobody has seen/heard the song, here is the first verse: “You can call me artist (artist) You can call me idol (idol) No matter what you call me I don’t care I’m proud of it”

the song “Epiphany” on “LY: Answer”, is (as you can imagine) a song about having an epiphany about loving yourself. the lyrics are pretty self-explanatory. the chorus: “I’m the one I should love in this world Shining me, precious soul of mine I finally realized so I love me Not so perfect but so beautiful I’m the one I should love”

RM talking about his mental health/depression in “Forever Rain” on his mixtape “mono.” + as well as in “Reflection.” the outro of the song which i wanted to add, is just a repeated “I wish I could love myself.”

the lyrics to the song “I’m Fine” on LY: Answer express being able to love yourself without relying on somebody to fix you or make you happier, because only you can complete yourself.

the outro to the album, “Answer: Love Myself” concludes the Love Yourself album series, and has extremely beautiful lyrics. the full translation here, if anyone wants to read all of them. it’s about, as im sure you can guess, loving yourself even with all your flaws and mistakes & striving to be a better person each day.

-

SO TLDR; BTS absolutely have made mistakes, like every person does, but have apologized and learned from those mistakes. they have moved on, and have done more good in this world than bad. they have grown over the past 6 years and continue to grow every single day. as a young gay fan, their message and their presence means a lot to me. that fact that they’re so popular and use that power to spread kindness & self-acceptance (no matter Who you are), is really important especially in today’s society. doubly to youth who, themselves, struggle with mental illness and family issues, school/education, and any typical problem young people face in their lives. i have struggled with self-hate, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, trauma, the whole ordeal. their songs have helped me heal, even if only a little. and they give me another reason to keep going everyday. even if you don’t like their music or the boys themselves, there is no denying the positive impact they’ve made on millions of people, adults and children alike. BTS are absolutely not perfect, but they acknowledge this and do their best to BE the best they can be.

[cuckiller-blog]

About the Killer...

Hello there person on the internet. I don't know you, but if you're reading this you will know me, or at least what I'm about. The name and description of this account pretty much says it all; pretty much...

I just want to clarify that I am fully aware that the terms "snowflake", "SJW" and "cuck" have been made popular due to extreme right Republican, mostly Trump supporters over the last few years; however, they don't own those terms nor are the first to use them. I am not a Trump supporter and never will be. As a matter of fact, Donald Trump is one of the biggest snowflakes I have ever witnessed. Getting butthurt over every little criticism, insulting people he once claimed he liked/respected because they say they don't agree with everything he does (pre and post presidential election mind you), etc... the man is a crybaby.

Just so we're clear here... A snowflake cuck is simply anyone, republican or democrat, liberal or conservative, who gets offended by every little thing or every little person under the reality sun who doesn't agree with their fragile sensibilities.

This goes for the following which I will be covering over time:

- Using certain terms/phrases which can be negative (grasp your chest and gasp now) to express emotions, but don't reflect that person's actual beliefs about human issues. I.E. If I say something is gay or call someone a faggot that doesn't mean I am against homosexual people, or their rights or that I'm protesting gay marriage in front of court houses. Sorry the word "straight" isn't used to describe dumb shit, but that doesn't mean everyone saying shit is gay means they hate gay people...

- Stating facts about people and their appearance..... Sorry fat people... If you're fat, you're fat. Sorry simple facts of life bother you so much. I know a few skinny people also hate being called skinny due to body issues, but it's far and few between fat people and the same still applies.... If you're fat, you're fat, if you're skinny, you're skinny, if you're whatever in between, you're whatever in between, doesn't always mean people are out to get you and doesn't mean they hate you or think you're ugly just cause you're FACTUALLY fat...

- Jokes/Stand-Up Comedy/Overly PC Fascist crowds... You are cancer, you are killing comedy because you don't know how to take a joke and not take everything seriously.... Do you not realize most of what comedians say they don't even truly believe IRL? Even if they do..... Who cares? As long as it's funny? Sorry, anything can be a joke, including rape. Doesn't mean they condone rape... If you can't understand that, move the fuck along snowflake. The PC culture has gone to the extremes in general as well, people can't say anything without being made to feel like pieces of shit because they say something someone may not like as a part of freedom of expression. I'm not even talking about people going around saying blatantly evil shit, those people are dicks, but I mean the most innocent of shit. Like if someone says "I have a friend who's an Indian, he lives on a reservation a few towns over." and people act like you just condemned that whole group to hell because you didn't call your FRIEND a "Native American!!!!" instead.... Lol..... Ugghhhhh.... Get a grip people......

- Millennials.... The epitome of the snowflake plaque..... Sure, not all millennials are snowflakes, but a good majority of them are. Much more than past generations..... They call it progressive behavior when really they are being fascists trying to control free speech and expression; especially at stand-up comedy acts..... Just gay as fuck.... Lol

- Asexuals/Sexual Shamers.... So now a days if you comment on someone's appearance as being "hot" or "sexy" these little pieces of shit wanna downvote and criticize said posts because they don't understand the simple fact that men have penises and women have vaginas and sometimes they see people in certain revealing clothing/poses that induce a sexually attracted response as a condition of being a normal human rather than some sexually repressed cuck.

- Feminazis...... Lol...... Just lol..... Not every person who has a penis and makes a seemingly funny or observational comment about the opposite sex is trying to strip away all of your rights or how strong or equal you can be. The difference between genuine feminists and feminazis is night and day....

Oversensitive/overprotective animal rights cucks..... Sorry bitch boy, it's not animal abuse, it's innocent fun so STFU about "Don't ever do that to that beautiful animal ever again! You don't deserve to have pets!" when it's clear the animal is not in danger and it's just good fun. You're a dumb shit and you know nothing about how well they care for their pets or their bond and simply judge them because some guy sneaked up behind his dog, yelled and made him jump or some shit? Gimme a break ya little bitch...

- Did you assume my/that person's gender!!!!? No shit stick, I don't assume when facts are concerned, I just go by said facts. Chances are if you look like a dude, you're a dude. If you look like a chick, you're a chick. If it quacks like a duck............. It probably calls you a cuck. Look, nobody cares if you identify as a woman, if you've got a 5 o'clock shadow, adam's apple and a penis taped to your thigh behind some dress, wig, and makeup, you're still a fuckin dude..... I'm not gonna call you a woman cause you identify as one "inside". I'm also not going to say a white guy is black because he identifies as a black man. I won't call you a cat because you're a human who identifies as a feline ya nutty bitch. Funny how that works eh? Gender is not fluid and it's not a choice. Nor is race or friggin' species. Lol....

You can turn yourself from male to female aesthetically and call yourself a woman, sure, and I'll most likely call you a woman if you actually look like a woman, but you're still factually not a woman. You don't have milk producing breasts or possess a real vagina or womb..... You can never get pregnant..... Never have a period...... Not a real woman..... Deal with it. "But Cuck Killer, some women can't get pregnant!" blah blah blah.... Yeah, we are all aware of this. It's also not the norm, and obviously even for women who can't get pregnant and whatnot......... Their vagina is still real/natural from birth soooo..... Yeeeeaaahhhhhh...... They are real women still...... Because..... ya know..... their vagina's weren't fashioned from half a mutilated penis..... This also applies to the cancerous "he/him" or "her/she" bullshit on some people's social media profiles. You don't need to proclaim your gender like that, nobody cares. This wasn't something people ever put in profiles to "clarify MY gender" up until a couple years ago. I go out of my way to call them the opposite gender of what they shove in your face to refer to them as just to see them blow their shit. Lol

It's also clear that when someone addresses a group of people and says "Hey, guys!" even when women are present, it's just a common greeting and "guys" in this context just means people.... Not literally calling the women males.... So relax and stop throwing a bitch fit when people say that. It's not always about gender specifics for crying out loud.

- LGBTQXYZSDL blah blah blah whatever it's initial count is up to at this very second of this minute of this hour. Look, I'm not against gay people, nor do I dislike them generally speaking. I am for gay marriage and all that jazz, so this isn't so much about the gay community but more so the people (not all of them are even gay, but they are snowflakes) who raise a big shit when you say "LGBT" but leave the Q off, or worse yet just say "gay/transgendered community" instead of the initials. They act like you just killed a baby right in front of them, calm down faggot, it's not that big of a deal. (Again, snowflakes, me saying faggot there doesn't mean I hate gay people, read above and note that I have no hate for homosexuals and faggot in this case simply means "dumb shit" lol).... How long will it be before they add a new initial to it and people shit their pants if you don't say "LGBTQBSHSKSBDGSN" in one breath without pausing to catch your breath in between? I cringe to see the day. LMAO

And more than likely more ridiculous shit as time goes on. Sure this list will be updated over time as dumb shit keeps happening.... But that is the gist of what this account will be about. Basically people getting offended and raising a stink over every little thing.

If you're still reading you either agree with me or you're a glutton for logical punishment. Either way, get those seat belts on!

[thepropertylovers]

Feature Friday with Chip & Alexx Pons

Happy Friday! This week's FF is a married couple who are actively serving in the United States Air Force, and stationed in San Antonio. Alex and Chip Pons share their inspiring story of what it's like being an openly gay, married couple in the military, what they're doing to help normalize the stigma around that, and their unconventional yet totally charming wedding. Read on to see what we mean...

Where are you from? Alexx is originally from California and Chip is from Michigan.

Where do you live? We currently live in San Antonio, Texas

Instagram handle: @chip_pons  @alexx_pons

Age: Alexx is 30 and Chip is 28

On an unforgettable trip together: We were both given the opportunity to support the Air Force Wounded Warrior (AFW2) Program and Department of Defense team during the 2017 Invictus Games in Toronto, Canada. Something about that trip, despite our workload, was wonderful. It might have had something to do with the amazing people we met or the area we stayed in (this little village in the gay district near downtown)… it was just a wonderful trip and one of the only where the military sent us as a couple to do what we love as a team – that is when we are at our best!

On knowing they're "the one": We met through the process of joining the Air Force; fate brought us together at the same base in New Mexico. Alexx was actually Chip's instructor for a week-long military course and it was there that we realized we have the same job as photojournalists. Chip walked away from that initial meeting swearing he was going to marry Alexx… 

On quiet, intimate proposals: Our proposals were very true to who we are as a couple; intimate, private and meaningful. I proposed to Chip first over a quiet night at home, and Chip proposed several weeks later while we were in the kitchen preparing dinner. To others, these moments might seem to be lacking a "wow" factor, but for us, they are some of our most cherished memories!

On making the most of a hard situation: We actually didn't have a wedding! To keep a very long and dramatic story short, we found ourselves in the middle of some very stressful and borderline homophobic professional trouble. As a same-sex, dual military couple who happened to be co-workers, there were some professional obstacles that we had to overcome in order to have our happy ending. 

We were essentially punished by leadership for having what was termed an "unprofessional relationship," and were eventually ordered to not speak to one another. So, over a lunch break on Tuesday, Sept. 15, we drove down to the Curry County court house in uniform and swore to spend the rest of our lives fighting for one another. 

Getting married was the only option to save our careers at the time which we had both worked so hard to build, but it also the key to our happiness and nearly three years later it is still the easiest and greatest decision we ever made! 

On coming out: Alexx came out in his early 20s. His family was and still is very loving and supportive. In fact, they were the ones who sat him down and initiated the “coming out” conversation out of concern for his mental wellbeing. From that moment, Alexx felt fully comfortable being his authentic self, and his family has been so supportive of our marriage and welcomed me to the family with open arms! 

Chip on the other hand is a bit of a late bloomer. In all honesty, I am the first man Chip ever dated or connected with emotionally. While he had a great relationship with his family, his fear of their disapproval kept him from living an honest life. When we met, Chip's world was turned upside down! For the first time, he was experiencing love, trust and self-acceptance. Before Chip had the chance to come out, a coworker we were stationed with felt the need to let Chip's family know he was involved with me and from there, it all blew up (personally and professionally) for us. But with me by his side, Chip took a leap of faith and chose love over the life he knew and the relationships he had. For nearly four years, Chip's relationship with his family was non-existent, but recently, those relationships have started rebuilding themselves.  

On being openly gay in the military: We have our ups and downs just like everyone else. Constantly having to convince people we aren't brothers is hilarious and "correcting" people when they ask about our wives can be somewhat annoying, but for the most part active-duty members are very accepting. Those around us do a great job of making us feel supported and just like everyone else. We've found that having a good sense of humor goes a long way especially when dealing with people who may be awkward but have good intentions! Most military bases even celebrate Pride Month now, which is slightly unnecessary, but appreciated at least from an educational standpoint (when done correctly). 

No matter how much support we feel, there will always be toxic individuals who thrive on spewing hate. Chip wrote a Pride Month commentary once about serving as a dual military, same-sex couple and when it was published, the overwhelming hate on social media (from civilians and active-duty members) was almost impossible to ignore. But we reminded ourselves why we joined the Air Force: to serve our country and its citizens; so that everyone has the right to express their opinions, no matter what those might be!  

On normalizing same-sex marriages within the military: Coming out and accepting that you are gay is usually a life-altering experience. Doing so while adhering to military customs and courtesies, regulations and the day-to-day stress of military life takes that experience to a whole new level. While being a member of the LGBT+ community is a pivotal part of who we are, there is so much more to us than that. We are husbands, sons, brothers, friends... and professionally, we are Airmen. We try to promote a lifestyle that praises ALL aspects of what makes someone who they are as a whole instead of just focusing on one aspect. 

For us, it's all about redefining what people in the military perceive normal to be. From us attending official military functions together and being seen supporting one another professionally, to holding hands in the grocery store (in Texas I might add) and enjoying a night out with friends, we try to show that life goes on when you come out. People have very different versions of what "being gay" looks like and for us, having a life that you are proud of and genuinely happy to be living is the only thing that matters. 

On being each other's wingman: Working together has been the biggest blessing for our relationship. Before we were a couple, we were teammates and best friends. That friendship and professional comradery laid the strongest foundation we could have asked for. 

The Air Force is built upon this idea of never leaving your wingman behind. Well, from day one we were wingmen and that notion of teamwork and support has absolutely transferred onto our marriage. Working so closely with your spouse during the formative years of your relationship not only allows you to spend more time together, but it unifies you in a way that is hard to put in words. Personally, we know that the other will always have our back, but there is a great sense of relief knowing that throughout the day, you have someone who is in your corner unconditionally and pushes you to be the best version of yourself! 

And on that note, where some often feel some sort of competition between themselves and their spouse for success, that could not be further from the truth with us. We are one unit; we share success and downfalls – and when one falters, the other is there to quickly pick them up and keep moving in one direction again. There are just as few words for someone who would move heaven and earth to see you become your best self – even as a cost to themselves… it leaves you speechless and feeling genuinely loved! 

We have been blessed to travel together and work side-by-side, and there is nothing more rewarding than getting to do what you love with who you love more than anything. Separation and distance is a huge obstacle military couple’s face, and we have been fortunate throughout our careers to have not been apart too long from one another. But during those moments away for training or individual obligations, we take that time to take a look at the beautiful life we have built and appreciate all that we have – if anything, it is those brief moments apart that makes us a stronger, more resilient couple!

On the joys of a simple date night: For us, date night is all about relaxation. There is nothing better than putting on a movie or one of our favorite shows after eating a delicious home-cooked meal (Alexx is a MASTER in the kitchen). Add some wine, continuous laughter, a loving massage, and we have everything we could ever need! 

On the one thing they love most about each other: First, we have to admit that we are very much still DEEP in the newlywed stage of our marriage and we've vowed to never leave it, so our level of obsession with one another is pretty extreme. 

Chip: I adore so many things about the man that Alexx is and has become, but I love Alexx's passion the most. Alexx is protective and loyal and warm and everything Alexx does, he does out of love for me. It's overwhelming and exhilarating and a once in a lifetime feeling that I will never get used to but never take for granted. He throws himself 100% into every aspect of our life together. Our marriage, his job, our future...I am blown away at how completely immersed this man can be in so many things at once and he does it all with a smile on his face. Before we were married, Alexx told me that he aspires to "do the most good, for the most amount of people," and I am constantly in awe at how he has embodied that expression. He is the epitome of selflessness, unconditional love and unwavering support and the immensity of his love knows no limit. I am TRULY the luckiest man on the planet for tricking him into loving me!

Alexx: And for me, it is Chip’s heart – he has the biggest one, sometimes to a fault. He really does not have a bad bone in his body. We are talking about a man who sees the good in everyone, which translates into the most unique and intense type of love I never imagined was real. He does not do anger or even mild irritation… Chip’s go-to when things get remotely tense is affection – I mean tight, take-your-breath away hugs and kisses. It is this incredible propensity for love that he possess which lets me know how deeply loved I am, and without question that he will be an incredible father to our children (someday).

[bearogenes]

Dear Bearogenes: I’m a person with some mental problems. Should I not try to find someone anymore?

hi. i'm a boy with a few mental problems, mainly anxiety and depression. would it be best for me not to try and find  or be involved in any sexual/romantic relationships until i fix myself? i get really really lonely, but at the same time i wouldn't want the other person to deal with some of the baggage i carry.

Why would that be for the best? Is there something broken or wrong with you? Those things may never change, may never go away fully, so what you’re saying to me is that you shouldn't try to find a partner who will understand those things, care about you, and be the support you need to learn to cope with those parts of yourself? If there was anything wrong that was made apparent by your question it’s that you think there’s something wrong with you.

There is an image associated with difficulties like those and it comes from one of the greater evils of our age: The diagnosis becomes the condition. The second someone says one of those buzz words: ADD ADHD BPD, Any of them, all of a sudden people will ‘re-frame’ their understanding of you based on those letters as if some how your oddity (and their confusion about you) makes sense because it’s all the fault of those letters.

Do you know what the prevalence of anxiety and depression is among LGBT people? Each on their own exist in varying degrees in more than half our numbers. Together? Nearly every one you meet will have, or be, enduring those things. Conditions like Generalized Anxiety Disorder are so common and consistent that people just feel uneasy in social groups and so become introverted. In fact you could say that GAD is an acronym diagnosis for just not bloody liking the idiots that surround you most of the time. If that’s the case, that’s a new set of letters to add to my bandoleer of freely distributed (and misunderstood) pop-psych badges.

I’m going to throw a few things out for you to consider, things that have been thrown at me personally over the years, and while you think about them bear in mind that these ‘definitions’ are how people see them and not the truth. Unfortunately that often defines the truth for those words and people like to just throw them around as they see fit. Real definitions are more complicated, but the simple understanding your average person is what fashions the weapons they use to hurt, marginalize or shame another person. 

That said here’s a few of the ‘winners’ in most inappropriately used diagnoses I’ve had thrown at me : 

I am Anti-social because I do not care for ‘norms’ or large groups of people. Truth be told, my lifestyle is completely counter to social norms and that I refuse to live in an ‘acceptable’ box because someone tells me I should makes me anti social.

I have PTSD from being repeatedly beaten, harassed and threatened physically, mentally and emotionally by people who gave themselves the authority to judge and punish another human being. In reality, nearly everyone has that same condition for those reasons. If you've ever endured trauma and have survived it, you have post-traumatic symptoms whenever you feel threatened again. It never goes away.

I have Anxiety. I know they mean the constant feeling of being in danger, of needing to run, and almost anyone who has ever been nervous has suffered anxiety. When you get excited, you are anxious. When you are afraid and anticipating something, you are anxious.

I have Depression. The common person thinks depression is feeling blue. They are wrong. Depression is feeling gray. It has no trigger or warning, it just is. It’s like someone turned down the contrast on life until things become black and white, senses become dulled, pleasure vanishes and the world becomes a bleak hell while you sit feeling isolated in a flesh colored straight jacket. There is nothing blue about depression. You aren't sad, that’s a whole other emotion packed into it.  

I can keep going through the entire DSM if need be. Hell, according to the big book of boxes, I’m schizotypal because I actually think that I matter to other people. “ characterized by severe social anxiety, paranoia, and often unconventional beliefs. “ How awesome is that? Who the hell ISN'T Schizotypal that grew up gay and in a place where homophobia exists. Pretty sure everyone has traits that qualify under these umbrellas.

There in is part of the problem. If I were to go through the DSM (the diagnostic manual for mental health issues) you’d see how wrong people are who those words that way and you’d also recognize their ‘common usages’ the way I do: Tools to harm, and not to help anyone but the speaker feel ‘safer’ about themselves by making you ‘crazy’.

I want to be clear, I am not angry at you. I am frustrated with this particular demon because it haunts SO many people.

My point is this: what makes them ISSUES is not the condition, it’s what you (and to a degree others) think they mean. So what if there are days when you need more affection and others when you need more space? So what if you happen to need that feeling of being safe that a loving relationship can provide? Do you think perfection is something you can actually ‘be’ or is it the journey from where you are to where you wind up, the quest itself to become more, to be stronger but most importantly: to be happy.

The ONLY way it poses a risk is if you use the relationship as a crutch or therapy. A partner can’t realistically ‘fix’ you, only you can do that. What they can do is provide you safe space to process, understanding of your difficulty, caring and compassion while you do the hard work and appreciation for all the effort YOU put in to overcome what inhibits you now.

Yes feeling good can become a drug to ward off depression, but it can never fix it and so it will come crashing back down harder than before. What you need from a partner when you’re having a hard time isn’t sex, it’s companionship and support. They may give you a hand so you can lift yourself up, arms to fall into when you need to cry, and a smile to try to cheer you up a little. That’s not because they think you are sad, but because sometimes it is the VERY thing you need to see so that you can try to reach for happy even when you don’t think you can make it.

There is one last thing I want to add here. Don’t judge a potential partner before you give them the chance to show you that your ‘baggage’ doesn’t stop them from caring about you. Nothing is easy, especially not finding love, so you can’t take that as a judgment against you.

Do I think you should be single until you’re ‘fixed?.

 No. 

I don’t think you should deny the opportunity to be happy. I don’t think there is anything “wrong” with you. The only thing that makes it so is you. As I once wrote to another person wrestling with similar issues:

“The problem, you see, isn't that you’re in a wheelchair. The problem is the wheelchair in your MIND. It’s that you see yourself that way, as lesser, because of the difference you think that makes you so. You need to learn to put the wheelchair in your mind away”. 

You need to put away the words others give you to describe who and what you are. Don’t think of yourself as anything other than who you are. If you feel you have work you need to do on yourself, more power to you, but don’t let that kind of thinking prevent you from being happy or even finding love. Struggling, as you do, is hard enough without feeling diminished because of the fact that you DO struggle.

Forgive my rant but, you see, I have had too many experiences with people who feel broken because they struggle through difficult times. It saddens me to see anyone throw themselves into the trash because they feels that’s where they belong.

 You don’t.

You belong somewhere that makes you happy and proud to be there. 

You aren’t broken.

Someday, perhaps, when I am feeling VERY talkative I will tell you all of my philosophy of being human, but for now I want you in particular to know something: 

Life will crack you, split you apart and leave you in pieces, but what makes YOU beautiful is that you survive. Your courage, your effort and your determination become a new bond between pieces, a filling of gold, that changes you and makes you even more beautiful than before. Your history, who you are right now, is an extraordinary thing. You simply need to put aside your thoughts about your value and allow someone else to show you that you are wrong.

I want you to understand that you are beautiful, just as you are, because you have endured and survived things most cannot comprehend. You are your own creation and that makes you a singular wonder in the world. you don’t have to be proud of your pain, but you should be proud of the phenomenal accomplishment of still being here. Take hope in that fact too because every day you are, every breath you continue to struggle to take, brings you one step closer to where you want to be.

Along the way it really doesn’t hurt to have someone to talk to. Their perspective might help you find the strength you need to change the situation from within. Find a therapist to help you with the really difficult things and show you ways to start learning to cope with things.

My best, as always,

-Bearogenes