#(also feel free to call me out if you think a depiction of mine is inaccurate or bad because i care about that too!!)

[bee-ina-boat]

fuck it. giving my some of my ocs 'scary disorders' now because im petty as hell.

[ashtonlc3]

Severitus/Sevitus Fic Rec

Thought I’d share my own personal fic list that I’ve complied over time featuring Snape and Harry developing some kind of father-son relationship, all the way through either bio-dad, adoption, guardian or mentorship. All of these fics are COMPLETE because after OME leaving me on the world’s biggest cliff hanger and losing the fic for many months because I’m an idiot, I have serious WIP trust issues. They’re also usually really long because I love angsty, slow-burn fics.

I started taking in-depth notes while I read through fics a while ago so that I would NEVER lose a favourite fic again (the title of one of my favs is in Latin, so I never remember what it’s called). And also because I have a terrible memory so remembering what happened in each fic is quite difficult for me. Assuming I know how to count there should be over 16 fics listed here.

I’ve also rated each fic out of 10 and added a couple of notes for each fic (I didn’t add any with a rating of 5 or lower cause these are meant to be recommendations not a reading log). I’ve put them in order of how much I liked them, 10 and 9s being my equivalent to an Outstanding, 8 and 7 an Exceeds Expectations and a 6 an Acceptable.

TW: As is usually the case with Severitus fics, ALL of these fics have some degree of child abuse in them, courtesy of the Dursleys (I mean it’s literally canon). The severity and type of abuse varies greatly across fics. Fics with highly graphic depictions of physical abuse will have an additional TW. (Also if I miss any TWs for fics feel free to let me know I’d be more than happy to add them).

< 70K

In Care Of By Fang’s Fawn 

Rating: 10/10 Word Count: 47K+

This fic is a MUST read for new and hardcore severitus fans alike. The characterisation is perfect, the plot is believable, the pacing is great, the writing quality is good and it's incredibly angsty.

TW graphic depictions of physical abuse

> 70K

O Mine Enemy By Kirby Lane

Rating: 10/10 Word Count: 373K+

You’ve probably already read this one because it is legendary in the Severitus genre and a staple for any fic list. In the event that you haven’t, you SHOULD read it ASAP. Starts summer of sixth year. 

TW addiction/substance abuse

Victus per Reproba Monumentum By firefly5151

Rating: 9/10  Word Count: 292K+ 

For a long time I didn’t read anything that had Sev as Harry’s bio dad, it felt implausible, OOC and just was not as good as the guardian/mentor trope. That is until I read this fic, and now the bio-dad trope is my favourite. This fic is the Snape of Severitus, there are a LOT of flaws but I love it anyway. The plot is a bit questionable, it has manipulativeDumbledore (which I don’t like in fics) and Ron and Hermione pretty much forget Harry exists. BUT the emotional journey is amazing, and really angsty. Starts during summer of 6th year.

The Subterfuge By Murai-Sakura

Rating: 9/10  Word Count: 304K+

This fic is on the newer side having been written in 2020. My first time reading this fic I had a few mixed feelings about it which made me reluctant to read it again despite really liking it. Reading it again for the second time I can’t understand what past Ash’s problem was because it was magnificent. Granted I remember it being darker than it actually is (it may have been due to me reading The Hunger Games in-between, who knows). I’m rambling, in short I think I liked this one a little more than A Year Like None Other. The plot is unique enough that the story doesn’t feel like your reading a rehash of every Severitus fic ever while still hitting the emotional points necessary for a satisfying fic. It’s definitely more mentor than father figure and is set during fifth year so watch out for Umbridge.

TW suicide attempt and graphic child abuse 

A Year Like None Other By aspeninthesunlight

Rating: 9/10  Word Count: 789K+

Another classic whose reputation speaks for its-self, written before HBP came out and is also insanely long. I’ve actually never read the sequals either because one was enough for me and it’s in Draco’s pov. It also has the added bonus of brother bonding between Draco and Harry. Set during 6th year. 

TW self harm and graphic torture

Perception is Everything By Kendra James

Rating: 8/10  Word Count: 165K+

This was one of the first few Severitus fics I ever read so it has a very special place in my heart despite the plot being a very standard Severitus setup. Set Christmas 6th year, Snape finds out about the Dursleys abuse when Harry gets sick over Christmas break.

You've forgotten who I am By CastlePheonix

Rating: 8/10  Word Count: 114K+

I’ve only read this one once so I’m taking past Ash’s word for it. Set during 5th year, a what if Snape actually hit Harry with the jar after the Pensieve incident. Harry gets temporary amnesia and spends some time in Spinner’s End with Snape. 

TW addiction/substance abuse

Whelp & Whelp II - The Wrath of Snape By jharad17

Rating: 7/10  Word Count: 75K+ & 80K+

The standard run down; the Dursleys are dicks, Sev finds out. This is pre-Hogwarts (7 years old) so you know Harry is going to be adorable and clingly. Vernon has Harry tied up in the yard like a dog.

Namesake Necklace By WiCeBa

Rating: 7/10  Word Count: 121K+

This fic is a little more recent I think. Set summer before the start of 5th year, Harry and Dudley are de-aged. This ones quite the adventure and Sirius is still alive so you know there’s gonna be a fight over Harry.

What I Must Ask You To Do By VeraRose19

Rating: 7/10  Word Count: 261K+

Set at the end of GOF and continues into 7th year. This story is not just a Severitus but also an exploration of the blossoming friendship and eventual  romance (the Sirius Black/Severus Snape is very minor and DOESN’T have any NSFW content, they don’t even kiss in the fic) between Severus and Sirius as they co-parent Harry together. The story is far fluffier than it is angsty and relies quite heavily on canon for plot whilst also taking out the adventure and death toll. It’s more a fluffy, canon, best case scenario than an angsty, slow-burn fic.

Emerald eyes By JadeSullivan

Rating: 7/10  Word Count: 120K+

I cannot remember this one at all so once again I’m taking past Ash’s word for it. This is set during 2nd year and does feature corporal punishment.

Prisoners By Whitetail

Rating: 7/10  Word Count: 119K+

Harry is de-aged to 4 and Sev has partial paralysis. So they stay at a little cottage by the sea. Hermione features quite heavily in this one, both her and Harry end up with Sev gaining guardianship of them.

To Recollect the Future By oliversnape

Rating: 7/10  Word Count: 71K+

When Harry is hit with the killing curse in DH Harry and Sev are sent back to first yeah. Harry and Sev pretty much spend the whole fic Horcrux hunting, its a fun bonding experience.

In plain sight & Close to the Chest By waitingondaisies

Rating: 7/10  Word Count: 93K+ & 37K+

This is always a fun one. Set during 6th year, Sev found out as a spy so Albus turns him into a 16 year old Gryffindor and gives him an embarrassing name. Seriously Albus, Alfonse “Eli” Hopkirk, really? 

Time Left Today By gzdacz

Rating: 7/10  Word Count: 84K+

Sev and Harry are on the run after Quirrell is killed by an 11 year old. The road trip is quite fun although I don’t really like the ending too much though.

The Trouble with Polyjuice By LilyEvansDouble 6/10

Rating: 6/10  Word Count: 120K+

2nd year. Features Snape as Harry’s biological father after the Polyjuice incident.

Summer of Bonding By Magica Draconia 6/10

Rating: 6/10  Word Count: 76K+

This one is set after PS as the Dursley never pick Harry up from Kings Cross so Harry stays with Snape. Snape collects horse figurines in this one and is very heavily featured in this story. So its a bit too niche for my liking but otherwise still a good read.

And that’s all I got. I’ll probably come back to this list (yeah cause I forgot to put in tags) and add more fics as I read them. (When I add new fics I’ll reblog this post with a change log so you don't need to read through the list again to figure out what’s been changed.) My TBR is usually just as long so ... to forever be continued.

[vee-lociraptor]

@james-spooky had to get out my laptop for this one /pos. im so sorry if you notice the pattern where several of these are indeed written by my mutuals. my mutuals are really good writers i cannot help this. i will not be tagging any of them because im about to be so cringe on main about their work. under the cut because i accidentally rambled

SupposedToBeWriting on ao3 (organchordsandlightning on tumblr) is really good!! she has a very good characterization of both john and arthur (from what i know she usually portrays them platonically) and she describes things beautifully :) i hear really good things about her writing in general but in particular i have bookmarked - A Light in the Dark (set in s1, coma arthur) - alike and together (spoilers for part 29, very much love this one) - The Alleyway Monster (set vaguely part 6) - A Body Divided (crossover with the monstrous agonies podcast, which i do not know, but very silly and i enjoy it)

WordsINeedToGetOut on ao3 (gayghostrights on tumblr) also has great depictions of arthur and john and writes them more as like. not romantic not platonic not qpr but a secret fourth thing. very fun to read. they have some good sfw fic but if nsfw isnt your thing (and it very much is. not mine) mind their tags. - i specifically follow their "a family found and made" series it's. so nice. it's post canon but an au of sorts so there's not really spoilers - what does and does not fit (post-part 43 john doe poem im Very Normal about (i met him because i was being feral about it)) - again. please mind his tags.

dearcaspian on ao3 (lighthouseshepard on tumblr) is an absolutely phenomenal writer and i am not biased about this at all. please trust. in all seriousness his prose reads like poetry it's so nice to get to read it every time. i know waltz already recommended it but take it as peer review because no sweeter innocence is mind altering. i read all like 28,000 words of it at the time in one go at two in the morning kind of mind altering. (visibly shaking) it's. really good - other than that they write really good separate bodies jarthur fic that makes me feral - i dont even have specific recommendations all of it makes me sick. go forth. some of it is on his tumblr go get it. - i LIED a kind of quiet holy makes me more sick than a lot of the rest of it. call me touch starved if you want but i will say that on main

safe_ship_habored on ao3 (izel-scribbles on tumblr) only has a few works and mostly writes dollins at this point but they're really good! i think they've posted some exclusively on tumblr? can't think of anything specific right now but ik i've read the most toothaching john and arthur fluff /pos from them

i don't want to talk about this one. lea's going to see it. im going to do it anyway because it is my favorite malevolent fic and i feel you should know about it. there is a fic and it's on tumblr and it's called when the land was godless and free. it is by percymawce-arts and ananxiousgenz on tumblr. i am insane about it. it is a cowboy au and it is somewhat suggestive (moaning making out sort of thing) but the prose is so so good. the characterization and the way they translate malev characters into a western cowboy setting is phenomenal. it has catholic guilt in it. it has yearning. it's romantic jarthur and if it's not your thing i get it but percy and lea both really cooked on this one. i know i've posted about it on tumblr before. i am so aware that one of the authors is my mutual now lea don't look.

i am rambling so hard right now i have more. im not even done. im so sorry - styrofoamdoor (ao3 and tumblr) has a noel character study on their ao3 account and it's so good and i am thinking about it always. it's set post-episode 40. - ETA, never change by green_tea_and_honey SO silly and goofy and yet. also serious somehow. au where arthur has a phone and john messes around with it - come, wayward souls is also by green_tea_and_honey and i havent read it yet but it IS an over the garden wall crossover and i love that show so much - kiss me better is the only work i've read by SeerOfTime but i hear really good things about their malevolent fic so i will definitely be checking them out in the future

[ironunderstands]

help I have been afflicted by Boothill brainrot time to share some shitty angst bulletpoints with the class (that I’ll probably turn into a fic later)

I don’t think I have to tag anything specific but be warned there’s probably something bad in here so if you understandably don’t wanna read that then scroll. Expect cyborg related angst (and minor spoilers)

Also I hc Boothill as nonbinary (using he/they and occasionally she) so if you’re wondering about the use of multiple pronouns that’s why, it’s not related to the angst, I just don’t want people to be confused.

-has a sensation of touch on the metal parts of his body, but it’s visibly muted compared to his skin and it drives them nuts

-despises hot/cold temperatures due to how they interact with the metal parts of their body, on especially hot days

-very vulnerable to hacking and it scares the shit out of him (thanks past obsession with Genji for giving me this one, the amount of “Sombra hacks Genji and he has a bad time” stuff I have read is unhealthy, even if she would only do it for the shits and giggles or a mission, a character losing control of their body is unfortunately very compelling please don’t cancel me)

-can’t remember their past life or how he died but still has nightmares of it

-phantom pain is a bitch and her name is Boothill

-won’t be seen as human by most people (even actual people write him this way which is a little weird to me, like I know the Robot/Human tag w Boothill serving as a Robot is probably just for reach, but like, he’s still human, he’s not a robot, he’s a cyborg, idk it’s just a pet peeve of mine)

-has to go to the scientist who made him to get “upgrades” (aka whatever they feel like fucking with this week) against their will

-he can’t remember his old life, but they can remember how their body felt back then and the cyborg one distinctly Doesn’t Feel The Same

-Boothill’s synesthesia beacon doesn’t just prevent Boothill from cursing, it prevents her from saying certain things entirely which makes it very hard for him to express his feelings

-charging induces sleep for them, something which Boothill tries to hide as it could be used against him

-debating between making Boothill unreasonable heavy (because metal) or unreasonably light (because high tech) both scenarios cause problems for him, feel free to torture yourself for as to why

-animals (especially dogs) don’t like them as Boothill doesn’t have as strong a scent nor the flesh of other humans which is why it’s hard for them to trust him, which sucks for Boothill because he loves animals

-doesn’t even know the planet they were originally from or how old he was when he died, Boothill doesn’t even know their birthday, so it ended up becoming the day he was brought back to life against his will

-gets called “it” by people who don’t like cyborgs or people that are non-organic/have nonorganic parts of their body/existence, I also share this for the trailblazer because of their dubious origins, I’d like to believe transphobia isn’t a thing in Star rail because it’s already tiring enough irl and there’s no proof for it unlike other real world problems, so the misgendering happens for other horrible reasons! Horrible reasons that are close to canon considering the whole organic/inorganic war thing depicted by the Sim Uni, I’d imagine a lot of people are still bitter about that (honestly I don’t know the details I was there for the jades) and/or ignorant enough to believe that only fleshy beings have a monopoly on personhood (it/its pronouns are cool but not on people who don’t want to use them!)

-constantly pushes the limits of their body (aka self destructive behavior), I doubt Boothill would be trying to hurt herself but it’s more of a “it will get fixed anyway” kinda thing, any injuries sustained still hurt like a bitch but Boothill forces himself to not care because well “it’s his job and he will get healed anyways” (also it’s implied from their LC that he’s a Galaxy ranger against his will from the whole “never living for themself again” thing, so Boothill probably has to get injured for the job and is just forced to grin and bear it

alright that’s all the angst my sleep deprived brain could cook up for now if I did something wrong or missed a tag pls tell me

[setaripendragon]

JSaMN Readalong Liveblog - Chapters 2-3

Honestly, I have no idea if I'll be able to keep up with this, the first one took an entire afternoon, and while I have a lot of free time, I'm not sure I have that much free time XD Either way, I'm going to try, and see how I get on, because this is rather fun, if time-consuming. I've never actually taken the time to write down my thoughts as I read a book before. My approach to fiction is generally that if I'm not so absorbed I forget the real world exists, I'll go read something else, which makes this sort of liveblogging a bit impossible. Alright, here we go.

Chapter 2 - The Old Starre Inn (January - Fabruary 1807)

Every time I read or hear 'the old starre inn', my mind puts it to the tune of The Magician in York. (Warning: song contains spoilers up to chapter 4 of the book, I think.)

Narrator: Chapter 2: The Old Starre Inn Me: All on a winter's day~

I find it very interesting, the fact that Norrell gives them no specifics as to the magic he's done. After all, he hangs so much pride on his status as a practical magician that you'd think he'd want to show off. But it doesn't feel at all out of character, as he sees these 'pretend' magicians as so far beneath him that why would he need to?

Which is in such contrast to Honeyfoot's impression of him as 'humble' that it's funny. But at the same time, I don't think Honeyfoot is entirely wrong in his impression of Norrell. 'Shy' perhaps gives the wrong impression, but I get very vivid vibes from Norrell of that loner kid on the playground who no one wants to play with because they're 'weird', except once they settle into their isolation and do something cool because they're just trying to have fun by themself, everyone's suddenly interested in them, and their response is 'fuck off, it's mine not yours'.

"For the nation's good. He is a gentleman, he knows his duty..." This is such an alien perspective to me. I know it's a very common attitude of the time, and something of a theme in the book, but there's a whole commentary here on community and how people's sense of belonging has changed over time that I don't have the brain-power to make right now.

"Magicians in England are a peculiarly ungrateful set of men." I love this sentence. 'Magicians in England' - you mean the rich white gentlemen calling themselves magicians? Ungrateful? Perish the thought! XD

The fact that York is 'one of the most magical cities in England' with the possible exception of Newcastle is such an interesting piece of worldbuilding, and I can't help but wonder if that's a modern (to the book) thing, that simply scholars of magic happened to gather and set off a positive feedback loop, or if there is some in-world... concentration of magic. Given the connection of nature and magic, and the Yorkshire moors being so very iconic, there might be something to that?

Also, loving another little taste of the Raven King mythos, with the mention of 'the King's city of Newcastle'. Honestly, I've never been overly invested in English history (save for Arthuriana, but that's fantasy), but the way this book builds the fantasy on top of a skeleton of truth makes me much more interested in finding out about reality as much as the in-book lore of the place. (Much in the same way Assassin's Creed made me interested in finding out the truth of the history it depicts to better compare the story to.)

I might have to go on a wikipedia spiral about the history of places like York and Newcastle at some point. If these liveblogs don't swallow my entire weekend XD

"We do not care for men who build their reputations at the expense of other men's peace of mind." I do not like this man. (I know I'm not supposed to like this man, he is a representation of the worst sort of self-aggrandizing and complacent entitlement of rich white armchair-scholars, but it bears saying; I really don't like him XD Much respect to Segundus for not punching him in the face.)

"English magicians were only ever given common ivy." Ah, symbolism. I have a lot of thoughts about why ivy, honestly, and I definitely want to do some research on this later, but the phrasing here is so telling. 'Only ever given common ivy', making it so blatantly not some sort of accolade, but something commonplace and unremarkable. There's also the fact that ivy can be associated with neglect, as it's seen so often on old, crumbling buildings, and as a symbol of nature 'reclaiming' or even taking over that which people have built. (Again with the ominous whimsy of this book; the gothic imagery of an old house all over-taken by ivy matched with the tone in which the comparison is made making light of potential drama of the symbolism.)

There's also the correlation between ivy and lovers (ivy clings and binds and twines around things. And I recall reading somewhere about it being used for symbolism in the story of Tristan and Isolde?) but I don't think that's quite as applicable here, even though my brain does love to chew on it.

I'm noticing now, as well, that the author makes excellent use of 'show don't tell'. Instead of simply telling us that the room was noisy and everyone was shouting over each other, though we do get told that, we're also given the example of an old man being very passionate about some point that no one can actually hear over the noise.

I find it interesting because I've been reading a lot of things expressing frustration with the maxim because, I think, people take it too literally. That you must never tell, and only show, which of course will absolutely ruin your pacing and make your story very boring. But this, here, is what I think it means. Of course we could simply have been told 'it got loud as everyone argued', but the art of writing is not to simply tell people what happened, but to make them feel it. And by 'showing' us this little snapshot, by giving the noise a face in this old man who cannot make himself heard over the din, despite being very engaged in making his point, it makes the whole business feel much more real.

Oh, I feel so bad for Honeyfoot and Segundus in this part. Although I find it very interesting that we never actually got to see whether Norrell did do any magic for them. We cut from him confessing that he's a practical magician to Segundus and Honeyfoot leaving, and we don't actually know what happened in between.

And, of course, neither do Honeyfoot and Segundus. Which is deeply, deeply unnerving to me when I think through the implications. Not knowing where you are is one thing, but not knowing where you have been is a whole nother level of creepy. And yet, the narrative doesn't treat it as a particularly horrifying occurance. (Again with the ominous whimsy.)

There is something of a theme of this, too, in the book, with the truly horrifying things that magic makes people capable of being treated as a sort of just a thing magic can do, rather than lingering on the violations of privacy, personhood, and autonomy. Not to say that I feel that the narrative is treating them as inconsequential or in some way not as bad as they really are, but that it doesn't pass judgement on it, and lets you draw your own conclusions (which is a bit refreshing in this resurgence of purity culture in fandom at the moment).

Like, here, Segundus doesn't react with any particular horror or upset at his confusion and disorientation. Which, honestly, I find only heightens my own horror. He's just... sort of vague and fuzzy about it all, even in his emotional reaction to his memory being vague and fuzzy. (Like how someone with mind control telling someone to 'do a bad thing' is not nearly so horrifying as someone with mind control telling someone that 'you want to do a bad thing')

I find this part particularly gave me shivers, when Segundus and Honeyfoot are being questioned about the library and they're asked of the books:

"Had they been permitted to take them down and look inside them?" "Oh, no."

Like, everything else we hear from them is just... an obfuscation of the facts? There were a lot of books in the library, some of them were very rare, and that's the impression they've been left with even if they can't remember the specifics, but that? That, we know for a fact to be false.

Which then very abruptly throws Segundus's previous assertion that he knows for a fact that he hadn't seen any magic done into doubt.

Honestly I think that whole sequence is masterfully done. Because at the time, the way Segundus explains it, we're given no reason to doubt his assertion. He says he feels as though he saw magic, but knows for a fact that he didn't. Which can very easily explain away his awareness of the extra lighting and the... (I keep wanting to call it a maze-array, but that's the wrong fandom XD) directionlessness of the hallway, as him having the sense of magic, but not, actually, knowing for sure it was such because neither he nor us the audience were shown Norrell actually casting those spells.

Except then we get that blatant untruth, and suddenly that blank space of time between Norrell's confession at the end of chapter 1 and Honeyfoot and Segundus leaving at the beginning of chapter 2 just opens up with posibilities.

There's also the contrast between Honeyfoot merely being affected in the moment he tries to explain, and Segundus having felt 'heavy and stupid' for the entire week in between meeting Norrell and meeting with the Society. I do love how clear it is already that Segundus is sensitive to magic, the way he noticed so clearly the magical lighting and direction-obfuscation in the last chapter, and now this.

"Other men may fondly attribute their lack of success to a fault in the world, rather than to their own poor scholarship." "But what is my reward for loving my art better than other men have done? For studying harder to perfect it?"

Ooooo burn! He's so catty. What an asshole (affectionate)! Not to say that the Society (and Foxcastle in particular) don't thoroughly deserve it, of course. Everyone in this room is so ready to be offended, they're actively looking for reasons. Their lives must be so incredibly boring that this is how they choose to entertain themselves, holy shit XD

Oh, god. This attorney guy. Robinson. He is so... He's something, alright. "He was so clean and healthy and pleased about everything that he positively shone, which is only to be expected in a fairy or an angel, but is somewhat disconcerting in an attorney." No kidding. And during the whole scene he's so... blandly inoffensive and faux-innocent and defferential that it puts my hackles right up. He is deeply unnerving to me.

'This would be only fair' he says, of a deeply unfair and rigged agreement designed solely to punish them. 'Then surely they would recognise magic when they saw it' he says, as if he's not perfectly aware that they've just been given an incentive to fucking lie about it. 'All your friends have done it' he says, as the only argument he can come up with to try and coerce Segundus into signing the agreement. (Once again, much respect to Segundus for not punching this guy in the face.)

Yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck. Creepy motherfucker.

I love the descriptions of scenery and environment in this book so much, they're so damn evocative:

"The very voices of York's citizens were altered by a white silence that swallowed up every sound." "The winter gloom was quite gone, and in its place was a fearful light; the winter sun reflected many times over by the snowy earth."

Oh. Hmm. I can't be sure, but I think this is the first time the narrator has inserted themself quite so blatantly into the narrative. Things have been couched as observations before, but I don't remember before this the narrator actually referring to themself, or directly addressing the reader, or positing an opinion of their own? (I may have to go back and listen to chapter 1 again to check...)

"brooding blue shadows of the cathedral's west face" "sailing magisterially around the corner like a fat black ship" "he had a strong thin face with something twisted in it like a tree root" More great description and more adjective-adjective-noun phrases.

And then we come to Segundus and Childermass's second first meeting. Again, I feel so bad for Segundus, having his mind and memory messed with like this, but, if you'll excuse me a moment, -shipper goggles on- Segundus still remembers him! "I've seen you... I can picture you! Oh, where?" Can't remember so much as taking down the books that so enthralled him in the library never mind reading them, but he remembers Childermass.

"He thought John Childermass very insolent." Aaaaa, that's my blorbo! He's so cheeky, I love him so much.

"Several looked about them before going inside, as if taking a last fond farewell of a world they were not quite sure of seeing again." And we end the chapter on yet another absolutely magnificent line. Not quite the almost-cliffhanger of the first chapter, but still extremely tantalising, baiting the reader with questions about what, exactly, is going to happen next.

Hmm. Since this one isn't quite as long as chapter 1, I think I'm going to stuff chapter 3 in here, too; try and condense things a little bit XD

Chapter 3 - The Stones of York (February 1807)

"The cold of a hundred winters seems to have been preserved in its stones and to seep out of them." I have been in old churches and this is entirely accurate. I've said it before and I'll say it again, the description in this book is really top tier. Simple, but incredibly evocative and poetic.

"Bells often went with magic, and in particular with the magic of those unearthly beings, fairies." More symbolism, and this one I know less about, but at the same time, it feels right in a way I can't actually explain. Just that the vibes, the atmosphere it creates of bells being this ominous sound associated with something dangerous.

That being said, on thinking about it, I find it very odd that bells are symbols of fairies in this book for two reasons. One is the way that humans often get referred to as 'Christians' as a whole (I remember this gets explained later as a consequence of fairies being bad at telling the difference between humans, I think?), and church bells are the most commonplace example of bells I can think of. So why, then, are bells so specifically associated with fairy magic when there's such a strong connection to the way the book talks about the people who are not fairies?

And also, one of the primary uses of bells, with more significance in the past but with the tradition continuing on to this day, is to tell the time. To put order and structure on the otherwise abstract passing of the day. Which is in direct contrast to everything else we've been told about magic so far. Magic thrives in the places that are not structured to suit humans. Trying to impose scientific reason on magic kills it.

...Okay, I am definitely reaching here, but it just occurred to me that the other primary use of bells is as a warning. I can think of a bunch of examples; ye olden ships and fire-engines, castles and forts and such. All used to say 'something is wrong, action must be taken to avoid disaster'. And that makes me wonder if the bells are less a product of the fairy magic and more, perhaps, some other magic acting as an alarm.

And the only person I can think who could have cast such a wide-reaching, long-lasting spell would be the Raven King. And wouldn't that make sense? Wouldn't a King want to have a warning that some other being is trying to abduct one of his people?

...I'm reaching, but I really like this theory actually. Even though we knew the Raven King had no compunctions about stealing his own subjects away himself. (I still think it fits, as a King would feel entitled to privileges that others would certainly not be permitted.)

Which is a whole 'nother thing I have thoughts on. It's very interesting that the second real bit of information we get about him (after the bit about him having 'only three' Kingdoms being mentioned in one of Norrell's books. I think that's the only time he's actually directly named before this?), is that despite being an Englishman, he has the fairy habit of abducting people to other lands. And that ballad about it!

"The priest was all too worldly, Though he prayed and rang his bell, The Raven King three candles lit, The priest said it was well."

What is this? What does it mean? It does answer a bit of my speculation about bells, I think - they're used as a warning/warding off it seems (given that it's paralleled with praying) - but then there's that bit about the Raven King lighting candles and this, presumably, causing the priest to say 'oh alright then, do carry on'? I'm gonna have to keep my eye out for any more candle symbolism as well, I think.

"This land is all too shallow, It is painted on the sky, And trembles like the wind-shook rain, When the Raven King goes by."

-shakes fist at the author- You weren't content giving me chills with your description in prose, now you're doing it in verse?! -weeps- God. God. I don't have words for how this makes me feel. I am going fucking feral. I want to print this song out so I can eat it. Fuck.

And it's followed up by the narrator absolutely roasting the Magicians of York, which is making me cackle far more than it probably should because I'm still high off that absolutely unnecessary bit of poetry.

I love the way the narrative builds up to the magic. We get the bells, and then a voice, and then what it's saying, and then another one, and then that it comes from a statue, and then the rest of them, and between all of it we get these elaborate descriptions of the magicians reactions and fears.

Going back a little bit. The tale of the girl with the ivy leaves in her hair. This coming in the very next chapter after we were told that magicians are associated with ivy I think can't be a coincidence. And I wonder if the girl being a magician might not be a part of why the stones care so much about her murder? Not that I think murder inside a cathedral is all that common, but I find it hard to believe it only happened once in over 500 years.

"Kings, even stone ones, dislike above all things to be made equal to others." Hmm. Given how many Kings we have this story, I have a feeling this is Significant.

The fact that the stone statues that were to be repaired flinched from the chisel is... Oof. The idea of stone having a concept of harm, enough to fear it, is wild. And it raises the question of how... aware of what they are the statues are. Obviously we have the examples of kings bickering and quarrelling because they do believe themselves to be kings. But are they aware that they are statues of kings, or do the truly believe themselves to be those kings? The first statue seems aware, talking about how 'no one saw but the stones', instead of 'I saw'.

And if they know that they're stones, then... what does it say that they're afraid of the very thing that created them in the first place? Or is the fear of being 'remade' into something different? Is it particular to that statue, and another might welcome the chance to transform?

...Apparently I am my father's child.

My dad: But what is it like to be a tree??? -overthinks it- Me: But what is it like to be a stone??? -overthinks it-

I love this conversation between Segundus and Childermass. Childermass is coming at the thing so side-ways and sneaky, and yet... he's so blatant about it? It's so obvious right from the very start that he's leading up to something, and then he just... waits for Segundus to offer, instead of actually just asking? It's such a weird approach to take.

Also, the fact that we get another of those lovely poetic descriptions of the snow and the clouds as Childermass is waiting really gives the sense of a long drawn-out silence, and I can't help but laugh at the idea of this bizarre little stand-off, these two men just... staring at each other in the snow.

-shipper goggles on- "Until all the world contained was the falling snow, the sea-green sky, the dim grey ghost of York Cathedral... and Childermass." Perhaps it's an aspect of the audiobook that doesn't come through quite as strongly in the text, but the weight put on that last? Putting him on the same level as these... rather ephemeral, magical things, the natural phenomena of the snow and the sky, and the 'ghost of York Cathedral'? As well as the contrast of these... pale, dim, ghostly things, to Childermass who's so often described as dark and ragged. Even without that description here, it makes his presence so stark against this hazy, light backdrop. (And all this implied to be from Segundus's persepective =3)

And then there's all those compliments Childermass pays Segundus once he's gotten what he wanted, too XD (Even if I do kind of get the sense that Childermass doesn't necessarily mean them entirely as compliments. I don't think he thinks very well of people who are too obliging, tbh.)

You know, this is very much my brain veering off into the wilds here, but the thing about Mr Honeyfoot pursuing the tale of the girl with the ivy leaves makes me think of... this idea I've had for a while, mostly inspired by a JSaMN fanfic, On the March, where Childermass 'wakes up' the Yorkshire moors, and the notion of how magic, which in this book is so tightly tied to nature and the wild, could so easily be affected by the location in which it's done.

And if a place like York Minster can be aware of what's going on even when magic isn't being done upon it... then are the stones aware of Mr Honeyfoots efforts on their behalf? Do they see, for whatever value of sight they possess, him fighting this battle for them, and does this earn him anything from them? Can a stone feel gratitude? Is there some reciprocity or good will there? Does Mr Honeyfoot forge a bond of some kind with, or win the favour of, the Stones of York Minster?

There's a fic in this somewhere. (Mr Honeyfoot gets into a disagreement inside the Minster, and a stone drops onto the head of his adversary. Crumbly old buildings, you know, someone ought to check and make sure it's not going to happen again!)

'The Last Magician in Yorkshire' Now there's a phrase you could build an entire other story around. Another quite powerful end to a chapter, though not quite as gripping as the last two.

Well, I'm glad these two were somewhat shorter than all my thoughts on chapter 1. And I'm now more than half way through this week's chapters. I hope I'll be able to get 4 and 5 done tomorrow (or later this evening, maybe, if I feel like it?)

[siremasterlawrence]

Brother Boyfriend Redux Part 3

Fire Within

Cowboy Grayson is currently rolling in his bed lost to time as he smirks falling in to a void of nothingness.He free falls in to darkness in the abyss of it all he can see is four walls of glass coming to a head. He ricochets back and forth shattering one glass after another entering one dimension to the next. In the light of golden yellow protection hover over it descending on to him carrying him to the side.

Spinning through time Richard sees me in the middle of the space floating with such of control. I open his arms outward taking a turn he is wide open with excitement the shattered pieces rain over him.His body hit a hard surface upon impact he woke up sigh a large gasp of breath coming from his mouth.His face full of sut covering him in large dark patches he attempts to crawl to a chair but it’s burning hot.

He can hear the sound of a fire truck loudly emerge through the chaos of the city streets and he smirks. The plan is a go as Master Lawrence his ole God perfect in everywhere has depict to come to fruition.The fire truck stops parking in backyard the teams scream planning out the attack to get the fire to cool off. One of them Fire Fighter Brandon breaks in through the hard cold glass smashing the glass on to Brandon.

The man knelt down removing the building remains off of him kicking things inside he lifts him up in his arms facing the exit he is checking the entire area out for every way available. He races towards the window he leaps in to the air crashing through the window he felt scrapes over his body and he lands in h r backyards and puts him down to due a medical check.

He stops finally come to he stares into the surrounding completely in shock to see his crew completely disappear not even a trace of his team is left and all of it comes to ahead. Brandon’s body feels faint, his head began to spin spiraling, internal fiery super hot heat overtaking him, eyes rolling back up into his eye sockets then his body shuts down.

The hour flies by his eyes pop open in to a whole new world his existence became a non starter he cannot recognize anything in his sight he can feel a shadow overcast him. A man emerges from the back of the room a gigantic empty space fill to the broom with I’ll intention he can sense the pain shoot up from his legs upward to his body.

The man he saved from the eruption of the well to planned fire with television coverage and the sound of sirens causing the citizens to panic on to the streets screaming in a will of dismay and shock. The young man places both of his hands on both of his shoulders holding him down to the ground he struggles hoping he could fight and escape though it a failed effort at best.

The other man he calls Master Lawrence his God with gloved hands out stretching in to the air, he knelt down next to him placing his hand on his chin he swivels his face to look at him. Brandon face becomes on of utter disgust his expression of fear is quite sexy if I mist admit it for the world and I have it I mean have to have him I think pulling him in to a kiss.

“Sorry about all this! I set up a trap.”

“I figured that you bastard.”

“Oh! I like them feisty”

“Do you ? You won’t break me”

“Will see about that fucker”

“Fire Fighter pretty boi”

“Fuck you “

“Fine!”

“Gag him, tie him up and drug him”

“Yes Master”

“As you wish”

“No! Stop Please”

“Zip your pie hole”

“Master will displeased “

“Now open up that smart mouth”

“Mwahahahahaha “

“No! Wait”

“Mmmppphhhfff”

“Exquisite”

“You did well”

“Mmmmm”

“Tend to me now”

“Suck me off”

“Enjoy the show pretty show”

The end

Hello Teacher

Reaching the core of his being, receiving the absolute control mentally, emotionally, and physically ownership of the entire life of his being because now my slave Brandon is all mine.

His younger brother Clark who is a moonlighting professor who is also reporter to Major Company The Daily Planet News Paper a rag that I cannot stand to read happens to pass by hoping tocatch him.

He parks the car happily with a bright smile on his face sitting outside of his my home he settles in turning off the engine, he removes his keys placing them back in to the car as he unlocks the door, and steps out of the car slamming it shut.

He starts to walk up the stairs to the front of the door knocking on the front door it opens up greeting him at the mat is his brother Brandon they hug tight.

Whether he knew I am in the shadows he is aware of my presence as his brother leads him inside waving at me with a signal to get the plan going I race down the staircase to get things rolling.

He smirks with love his left hand crosses it’s fingers cementing his own implosion at the hand of his brother the two stand by the couch when Brandon wraps his hand on his neck.

The super muscular hand slicks into his way tight pants pocket digging in to find the prep needle he yanks off the cap pressing it up in the air and the spurts flew in to the air it is all ready.

He raises it up injecting him with it harshly upon impact the syringe goes in deep sinks very quickly the liquid formula soaks in very deep transforming him from the inside he is re-written.

Clark’s eyes roll back face palming in to the ground automatically he starts to fall in to a state of shock he begins to shake frantically speeding in to the wall he is knocked out cold yet again.

Brandon laughs so hard at his brothers own undoing I join them in the room taking his sly hand in mine with his arms wrapping on to me Brandon kisses me slowly our tongues push past each other.

I snap my finger in the air signaling a heavy change with eerie sea air washing over the room cooling everything follow by the dark window shades blocking the sun causing the room to spin.

The furniture start spring backwards freeing the space entirely for all of us to wonder about, the floor pulls apart beneath us an elevator shaft booms on under us descending through a cave below the base the house.

“Brandon carry him to the medical slab in the middle of the room and don’t ask any questions.”

“Yes Master Lawrence! “

“Sir Yes Sir”

“He is set up”

“Excellent! Perfect boi”

“Kneel in front of me”

“Waist on my hips”

“Grip me tight”

“Inhale my scent “

“Mmmmmm”

“Yes Master”

“Now sleep”

“Aaaahhhhh”

“Priceless”

“On to bigger and better things”

“Electrodes, strap and machine check, and check and check.”

“Initiate the transfer “

“Beginning in five…four…three…two…one”

The end

[satanourunholylord]

lilith isn't PART OF judaism you clown but i guess being antisemitism pilled in philosemitic freakishness is your happy place

Huh... antisemitism existing concurrently with philosemitism would be an interesting psychology research project. Thanks for the string of increasingly abusive anon asks, btw. Loved jumping on tumblr dot com and seeing all that. Lots of big feelings you're experiencing there. I know what I say won't change your mind, but I'll answer genuinely about my understanding of Lilith within the context of Judaism anyway on the off chance you're interested.

So yeah, Lilith is not specifically mentioned in the traditional Jewish scripture, the Hebrew Bible (Tanakh). However, Lilith is referenced in later Jewish texts, primarily in Jewish folklore and mystical traditions.

Lilith is sometimes associated with the demonic figure mentioned in the book of Isaiah (Isaiah 34:14) in the context of a desolate wilderness.

The Talmud brings up the concept of a "lilith ha-raz," which can be translated as a "night demon" or "demon of the night."

The passage mentioning Lilith in relation to nocturnal emissions can be found in Niddah 24b of the Talmud.

Lilith is mentioned in the Zohar, which is a foundational work of Jewish mysticism known as Kabbalah. Lilith is mentioned in the Zoharic literature as a female demon associated with sexual desire and temptation.

Various Midrashic texts, which are collections of Jewish stories, commentaries, and interpretations, also mention Lilith. These include Genesis Rabbah and Ecclesiastes Rabbah, among others. Lilith is often portrayed as a seductive and dangerous figure in these stories.

Lilith features in Jewish folklore and folk beliefs. Different traditions associate her with various aspects, such as being a demon of the night, causing harm to children and newborns, and representing female sexual power.

The Alphabet of Ben Sira is a medieval Jewish text, likely dating to the 8th-10th centuries CE, which contains a narrative about Lilith as the first wife of Adam. According to the story, Lilith refused to submit to Adam and left the Garden of Eden. She is depicted as a powerful and independent figure in this story. From what I've heard, this story may be considered antisemitic (??), so take what I've mentioned there with a grain of salt.

I don't have the energy to write much else and it's late here, so I'll leave it at that. I just think without a solid understanding of Judaism and where Lilith fits in within that context, it's impossible to be respectful. I suggest you stop messaging me and find a more productive use of your time, anon. You have your opinions and I have mine. Have a pleasant rest of your week.

(As always, Jewish people please feel free to call me out on anything I may have gotten wrong here)

[nicolkoutoulakiauthor]

Some (Free) Writing Resources I Use

I've noticed that half the writing resources I see recommended are usually pretty limited without paying, so allow me to list off some of the completely free ones I've used throughout the years:

Azgaar's Fantasy Map Generator

Literally amazing for creating maps, it's so detailed and has a wide variety of options. I made the map for my book using it by modifying one of its randomly-generated templates. You definitely don't have to be an artist to use it but I did personally add little details to mine via hand later. Nevertheless, highly recommend.

Scribus

If you're formatting your own book, Scribus is basically the free version of Adobe InDesign. It has a bit more of a learning curve and doesn't have all of InDesign's capabilities, but it's just perfect for book formatting. I formatted three whole books on it by myself and they came out great. You've just gotta have a bit of patience until you get used to it.

Fantasy Name Generators

Ok yeah, this seems obvious since it's a very well-known website. I often use it as inspiration without directly taking names from it (since the names I put into my books almost always bear some sort of meaning), but then I looked at the sheer number of categories and HOLY MOLY. It may be called Fantasy Name Generators but you'll find names for everything there.

PureWriter

Well, this is awkward, because this writing program actually has a premium version so it's not completely free... Should I feel like a hypocrite? Maybe, but I think the free version is more than enough for most writers. It's on mobile and PC; mind you, I've only ever used the mobile version, but I'm really satisfied with it. Even without Premium there are no ads, the formatting options are a delight, and it's just really handy for writing on the go (because Google Docs and Word are atrocious for writing on mobile, fight me on this). Anyway, very neat program.

WordHippo

By far my favourite online dictionary (aside from the more 'professional' ones like Cambridge) because it provides you with quite a lot of options: from synonyms and antonyms to words that rhyme with the word you've put in! As someone whose books include some lore-important poetry here and there, it's been a real lifesaver whenever I find myself stuck.

HeightComparison

So... this may seem weird. It's a really small detail, but since I am also an artist who depicts her characters, I think that knowing your characters' heights (especially in comparison to one another) can really help with writing all kinds of interractions. Like the classic "someone stands on their tiptoes for a kiss" or "this person has to duck when passing through a doorway". I used it to measure my characters' sizes compared to a building and then used that information to determine the size of another being that appears in the books. Pretty fun stuff.

Anyway, that's all. Speaking of free resources, I recently discovered Carrd and it's pretty neat for making a simple site to display your books. Check it out! :)

Toodles <3

[arsonistcatnip]

Meow!! Ofur here!! :33

:33 < Hello!!

Just call me Arson or h!! This blog of mine is dedicated to my meowltifandom fics, ficlets, headcanons, etc. I do [Character x Reader] with a side of [Character x Character] fur most things. I may also ramble and post about [OC x Character] stuff, both mine and my friends'.

VV Please heed my rules and boundaries!! VV

(No more cat puns hereon out, I promeowse. :33)

Rules and Warnings

Please understand that my blog contains mature/NSFW content. This includes things like gore, sex, kink content, etc. in both visual and written depictions. If you don't want to see something, please do block the tag! If you're a minor, please DNI. This is ultimately an adult space and I cannot guarantee it will be safe for you.

I post requests based on my own schedule. I don't mind people asking for updates but please do give me time to fulfil things. I'm struggling with a lot of personal issues at the moment and this blog is currently just for fun. Please respect my time and space.

Also respect others please!! We're all human, and our experiences are not universal, but please try have empathy for others.

I'm willing to write fics, drabbles, character studies (or, at least, word vomit about my interpretation of characters), almost anything!! I exclusively do [DomTop GN Reader]. If you're unsure about anything, you're always welcome to ask!!

Please make sure you specify your asks!! Make it clear what you're asking for, regardless of how long or short your ramble is. Also, feel free to sign off on it!!

More TBA.

...

Statuses

Requests: Open!!

...

Masterlist

TBA

...

Fandoms I'll Write For*

*I can't guarantee that my interpretation of a character will line up with your's, nor can I assure that my characterisation of an entire cast is equal. If I'm uncertain in my abilities to write something, I may turn your request down.

Genshin Impact (especially the Fatui Harbingers)

Homestuck (no Epilogues or HS^2)

More TBA!! (I'm bad at getting into media, I'm so sorry)

...

Fandoms I'll Yell About*

* Won't do [Character x Reader]s but I will talk about them. Ranging from li'l' nostalgia chats to A Lot to A Metric Fuckton. Please talk to me about my Special Interests.

Land of the Lustrous / Houseki no Kuni (Very Normal)

Wings of Fire (So Extremely Normal)

MLP:FiM (actually pretty normal about this one)

...

Don't see a media/fandom on these lists that you think I'd like?

Feel free to try convince me to get me into one!! 'Tis quite a hard task to get me into anything, though.

...

Thank mew fur reading!! :33c

[drippingheart]

howdy, worms and germs. this is an indie rp blog dedicated to Getō Suguru and Fushiguro Megumi from Jujutsu Kaisen. my portrayal is both anime and manga based. manga events will not be spoiled.

! ! ! themes present but are not limited to: violence, gore, abandonment issues, childhood trauma, depression, mass murder, child soldiers. this is not to say all my threads and headcanons will be violent or solemn. I do enjoy the light hearted side of friendship and bonding, but the trauma of being a jujutsu sorcerer is very important in my portrayals.

also important : I do not condone Suguru's actions. this is fiction. I love delving into his psychology and motivation. I try to understand it to a point, but his actions and mentality are not a reflection of mine. I am pro villains; their accurate portrayals are interesting.

𝟎𝟎 details on megumi. 𝟎𝟎 details on suguru. 𝟎𝟏 promo. 𝟎𝟐 megumi visuals. 𝟎𝟐 suguru visuals. 𝟎𝟑 plotting call. 𝟎𝟒 memes. 𝟎𝟒 meme call. 𝟎𝟓 character study. 𝟎𝟔 alternate verses. 𝟎𝟕 introspection.

Rules are below the cut.

I’ll spare you anything long winded though these are definitely subject to change and certainly up for lengthening in the future!

—   𝟎𝟏   I run a mutuals only blog. If I follow you, I want to WRITE with you. I don’t collect followers and like to keep a tidy blog of people who interact with me. Since you’re reading this, that means you care enough to do so. I won’t bite your head off; please feel free to send memes or hit me up for a thread idea. I often clean up my follow list through soft blocks.

—  𝟎𝟐   I don’t write one liners or semis. The more you write, the more I’m inclined to reply rapidly. Quality and quantity fuel my motivation! I truly enjoy world building and scene progression, so novella length threads are sought. Plotting and winging things are equally enjoyed, however for lengthy and detailed threads ( esp crossovers ), plotting is preferred. I have a plotting call linked above.

—   𝟎𝟑  This is an 18+ blog as I am nearing my thirties. I don’t foresee posting NSFW images, but I write heavily graphic scenes thus don’t feel comfortable writing with minors. Any suggestive aesthetics or sinday memes will be tagged as " after dark .".  I know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, and I don’t want to make any of my followers uncomfortable. More regarding potential smut is below.

—  𝟎𝟒  I don’t have any triggers and don’t tag any triggers. Threads are generally rated M, but I can go PG-13 depending on who I am writing with. I do not shy away from violent and graphic scenes fyi; I really enjoy writing them actually! I encourage you to message me if you would like to write out something extremely graphic. Violence aside, smut may make an appearance. It is not the goal of my writing. If there's chemistry in the thread and between the writers, well ... who am I to say no. In the case of potential smut, aging up characters is fine; I know some people are sensitive about this. Smut will only occur with male characters as I am gay in real life and choose to depict Suguru and Megumi as gay, albeit not openly.

—   𝟎𝟓  When it comes to ages, I think it's vital to keep character ages canon. Yeah, JJk is great with all the lore and action, but the ages of the characters and the soul crushing and life threatening lives they live is the heart of the series. What everyone goes through as a child and as a teenager is incredibly vital. The only time I think aging up is alright is in terms of smut. Having said that, I'm not opposed to writing crushes or romances during their teens. 

—  𝟎𝟔  I do moderate edits and formatting. Formatting isn’t a deal breaker with me honestly. I prefer length over pretty aesthetics. I do ask that you cut posts; I won’t be following if you don’t cut your posts or fail to tag your posts — all of your posts especially your ooc and negativity posts.

—  𝟎𝟕 Crossovers are loooooved to other animes/mangas, video games, to shows and movies. Do not be afraid to reach out with crossover ideas. I am also very much interested in AU threads especially involving Suguru since there is a lot of potential with him. So far, I have FFVII verses written up for both of the dudes. Provided interest, I will write up verses for Bleach, Castlevania, and the Witcher among other things. 

—  𝟎𝟖   As stated earlier, currently I am all caught up with the manga. For those who are only watching the anime, I will not incorporate any manga elements in our threads. I do not openly discuss spoilers for the sake of other people. If I do discuss anything that may be considered a spoiler, it will be tagged as "jjk spoilers ." Headcanons and drabbles including the events of the manga will be tagged with the aforementioned tag.

—  𝟎𝟗   Regarding Suguru, it is my preference to write him just as Suguru not as Kenjaku, however I am not opposed to it for the sake of an interesting thread. On that similar note, I am happy to write Suguru as a teenager and Megumi as a little kid for any relevant threads.

—  𝟏𝟎   I encourage you to like the content you see. If you like the images, headcanons, songs I post, you are more than welcome to like them. Do not reblog my personal edits, headcanons, and even images I find and post ( still tag with art credit ) unless I have tagged you in the post. You are also welcome to tag me in posts; that would make me very happy! When it comes to memes, please reblog from the source. PLEASE.

—  𝟏𝟏   When it comes to asks/memes, I treat them as independent little snippets. Sort of like insights with some or no background information. Sometimes I write them intentionally vague because it's what comes to me at the moment. I do not treat ask responses as starters, however you are more than welcome to continue a response of mine if you like it enough! Also, I have an ask box call linked above, and you are always welcome to like and comment it whenever you want to be sent things. Seriously. You'll never pester me. You can like request ask box things 24/7.

—  𝟏𝟐   IMPORTANT — I am a firm supporter of people being able to write whatever the fuck they want. This is all fiction; people tend to forget that. I will never judge someone nor post anything to harm/bash someone for their choices. Let people write what they want just as famous writers do. There's really no difference except famous writers get paid to do so. This is a creative journey, bruh. Images used in my banner were found on an ai image website. Don't like that? Do not interact.

[softguarnere]

Wildflower

Shifty Powers x reader

Warnings: seasonal depression, some discussions of what are probably the starting signs of PTSD, discussions of war, a brief reference to implied sex

A/N: The semester is over and I have returned to writing 🥳 It feels so good to really be back! This is another one for all my seasonally depressed baddies 🫶🏼 You know back in the fall when I said that spring would come again and we would feel better? It finally happened! I feel alive, and I finished finals, so I also feel free! Let's enjoy it while we can, shall we?

A sequel to She Used to Be Mine, because I really liked that fic (and also because I've always wanted a birthday fic, but the fact of the matter is that I'm far too shy to ever request one 😅) It's another self-indulgent fic, but we'll excuse it by writing it off as a birthday/end of the semester celebration, shall we? 🤭

(As always, this is written for the fictional depiction from the show -- no disrespect to the real life veterans!) And as always, I hope you all like this💕🕊️

The air outside the pile of blankets on the bed is pleasantly cool against your cheeks. Under the blankets and against the pillow, in the world of sleep, it’s warm and inviting. The promise of continued dreams tempts you to burrow further into the warmth and delay the day’s start for as long as you can. Yet at the same time, the cool, fresh air of the bedroom holds the promises of what already feels like a propitious day. And something tells you that the other body in the bed feels the same way.

Eyes still closed, you reach out for him, as has become routine these past few months. Reassuring yourself that he’s there and that he’s fine and that you’re together in Virginia and not a frozen hole in the ground of Bastogne makes starting the day a little easier; it makes your togetherness real and tangible instead of a dream that might slip from your fingers and into the snow. 

You find his arm. Warm, steady, real. You pull yourself closer to him. He wraps an arm around you and squeezes as you place your head on his chest.

“Did you sleep well?” His voice is deep with sleep. His eyes are probably still closed, too.

“Yes. Did you?”

“I did.” You didn’t wake up in the night and feel the need to pace the house, willing the sun to come up faster with every step. And you didn’t wake to find the bed empty and Shifty sitting by the window, staring out at the darkness. You did both sleep well. “Did I wake you?”

He lets out a sigh, stretches a little before settling back into the mattress. “No. I was just waitin’. Didn’t wanna start the day without you.”

You finally crack your eyes so that you can see him. A small smile tugs the corner of his lips upward as he watches you. But the true smile is in his eyes. Getting to see someone so beautiful and sincere when you first open your eyes is tantamount to seeing the fog flush gold and pink as it rises from every crack and cranny of the mountains, carrying the prayers of ancestors high above the blue ridges.

“You’re very sweet.”

“No, you.” He’s gotten better at taking compliments, but sometimes he’s still too humble to accept them.

“Careful,” you tease. “Keep complimenting me like that and I might make you marry me.”

Shifty chuckles, pulling his left hand from under the blankets and flashing the band that calls his ring finger home. “Well (Y/N), darlin’, I don’t think I’m gonna have to worry about that one, seein’ as I went willingly to the altar.”

He let’s out a laugh, cheery and bright when you jokingly shove him. He catches your hand and presses a quick kiss to your knuckles.

“But if you keep complimentin’ me like that, I’m gonna have to repay it in full.”

“In full, huh?” You quirk an eyebrow. “Well, it’s Sunday, and we have the time . . . I think I’m gonna hold you to that.”

Shifty said he didn’t want to start the day without you. Now he’s going to get his wish. You press a kiss to his jaw and pull him in closer, closer. As far as you’re concerned, the rest of the world can wait a little longer.

. . .

Spring creeps in with the rains. Slowly, and then abruptly, the world bursts into bloom as the temperature climbs a degree higher each day, matched by the rising zenith of the sun hiking across the sky. On each ridge and every mountain, green steadily stains the slopes as more trees awaken from their slumber and birth new leaves each day.

Sad, how some people miss the transformation. So caught up in the monotony of their lives that they don’t even notice the rebirth of the world around them – how the naked grey mountains color themselves, or how the dark sky lightens to a brilliant blue as deep and inviting as any ocean.

And you, too, have felt a change. You have come back to life. Instead of trudging down the path you were on, you’ve greeted each new day with a heart brimming with all the warmth of the spring sun. You’re like one of the wildflowers that fill the fields – free and full of life.

Sometimes Shifty gives you a look, and you know that with all his keen powers of observation, he has taken note of the change. Something about him is different as well. He’s more animated, and he rests better at night. Some evenings he comes in from the woods, his cheeks marked pink from the sun, and with a smile that never leaves his face, even in the depths of sleep.

In those moments it’s like winter never happened; it’s like that winter in Bastogne never happened, never using skeletal fingers of cold to plant distaste for that season in your mind, body, and soul. If only it could be spring like this forever . . . Maybe it can be – will be – in the warmth of California.

“Hey.” As you walk down the path to the house in the fading light, Shifty squeezes your hand. Then he echoes the same question he asked you months ago, when the color, light, and warmth that you crave were fading from the world instead of bleeding back into it. “Are you okay?”

“It’s warm out,” you answer. “Even in the evenings, now.” This time, it’s you who fixes him with a sideways glance, taking in the way that the deep oranges and pinks of the sunset reflects off the clouds, dappling the light that shines on his hair. “You know, that Christmas, I never thought that I would feel warm again. And in the winter, there were times that I never thought that I would feel okay again.”

“Me too.” He stops walking and sighs, his dark eyes roaming over the renewed vibrance of the gently sloping landscape. His frown is so out of place among it all. “I love it here.”

You squeeze his hand. “I know. I do, too.”

“But I can’t – “ He cuts himself off, shaking his head. “Things just ain’t the same anymore. And it seems foolish to hope that they will be.” For a moment, the only sound is that of the creek singing nearby as Shifty lapses into silence. When he speaks again, his voice is soft. “I don’t really wanna leave this place, but I know that it’s for the best.”

“I know. It’s hard to think about moving away. But when winter comes . . .”

He nods. “We gotta take a break from winter. And then maybe . . . Someday.”

“We can always visit here in the summer.”

“That’s true. It’ll always be here, waitin’ for us.”

Waiting for you. What a nice thought. All the fields and valleys that you’ve ever loved and thought of as home will still be here for you, and all those who come after who will adore them in the same way.  

“Besides,” Shifty says, unable to hide his sly smile. “I like seein’ you so happy. And if movin’ to California means that I get to see you smilin’ all the time, then I’m luckier than any man who prefers the snow.”

You kiss him then, standing on the path, the colors of spring all around you. He tastes like sunshine and lemonade. You could hold onto that forever.

You will, every day, in the land of the sun – California. But today the sunshine is here, in Virginia, and you will enjoy it while you can, in the place where you first gave your heart to the man who can make any place feel so warm and like home.  

[juniperskye]

Letters to Dean.

Part 10.

Sam and Dean are pacing in the hallways of the bunker. All the while y/d/n is having the time of her life playing with her new “uncle Cas”. 

“She’s pretty much been in there since we got here.” Dean muttered to Sam.

“Did you talk to her on the way over here? Like maybe about why you never reached out considering we were so close to her this whole time. Or maybe about why you are uprooting her whole life and bringing her here?” Sam questioned exasperatedly. 

“Yeah Sammy, when I showed up to her place, we kissed and made up then she packed and got into the car no questions asked and I explained all about hunting and monsters to her and our daughter. NO Sam we didn’t get a chance to discuss it.” Dean’s tone dripping with sarcasm. 

Reader’s POV

“Holy Shit, Holy Shit, Holy Shit! What the hell is going on here. Okay, I need to breathe.” 

Looking around this place when I got here, I honestly was more confused than anything, what had this bunker been used for? But then Dean walked me to the room I’d be staying in and I could feel my frustration growing. The drive from my place to this bunker was maybe an hour tops (I was really out of it so it is hard to say for sure or not.). He had been this close for who knows how long and he hadn’t thought to call? I was also feeling frustrated that he just waltzed into my home and had us packing up to leave like it was nothing - why is it so easy for me to trust him? I needed to put how I was feeling into words, I need to write it all out and then I need to confront Dean. 

I took a deep breath and opened the door, letters in hand, to see Sam and Dean in the hallway outside my room. They both stopped in their tracks and looked at me.

“Dean, I think it’s about time we talked...”

“Y/N You’re absolutely right. Let’s...” 

“About everything Dean. I don’t want to be kept in the dark anymore. I won’t let you and Sam keep me out of the loop, not this time around. Not when my daughter is involved.” I felt bad for cutting Dean off, but he needed to know that I wasn’t messing around this time, I would be involved whether he liked it or not.

Dean just nodded his head and gestured for me to follow him. I glanced over to see Sam had a small smirk on his face, clearly impressed with how I refused to back down.

Now for the hard part...to tell Dean everything.

Please do not steal my work. The images within the Polaroids are not mine. But the whole image is my property as it comes from within my personal journal. The story is mine however I do not own the characters depicted. Please feel free to message me about this story - ideas for a new one - questions or comments!

[hauntedsideofthemoon]

BROKEN HEART OF GOLD - chapter 2; with our heads held high

AO3 link

pairing: chishiya x gn!reader

format: gender-neutral original character/self-insert, they/them pronouns are used when necessary, no use of y/n or "___", feel free to picture the character however you wish!

tags: canon-typical violence, slow burn, ocs as side characters, mentions/depictions of mental health issues

word count: 2935

song recommendation: "Be the Light" by ONE OK ROCK

________________________________________________________

The streets were still empty and silent. I felt like I was completely alone in this world, especially after the only people I managed to find had died right next to me.

None of this made any sense. Shibuya was way too busy all the time, how did things end up like this?

Was this a nightmare? A very gruesome one? How could I wake up, if the shock from those explosions wasn’t enough to jolt me awake?

Maybe if I went back to sleep in this 'dream world' I could wake up back in the real world. I had been staying with Mizuki ever since coming to Tokyo, but it would be a very long walk back with no one to give me a lift. Still, I didn’t have any other choices left.

----------

I don’t know how much time had passed, but I knew I had been walking for hours. Both my phone and the one I picked up during that game – unsure if I could, but I’m not going back there – had run out of battery.

I put it back inside my pocket and, looking up again, I saw some red lines coming down from the sky in the far distance – I had a bad feeling in my gut about them.

Upon arriving at Mizuki’s apartment, I knocked on the front door and was surprised to see it open slowly, completely unlocked. I called in for anyone, but just like the streets outside, the apartment was empty. The main window was left open, with a cold breeze coming through the sheer curtains, as the living room was dimly lit by the moonlight outside.

A wave of sadness and worry hit me. The only people I knew in this city were also gone without notice. ' What the hell was I going to do, all alone in a huge city like this?' I could only hope they all were doing fine, even though they must be lost in another part of the city. ' Just please be alive.'

I felt exhausted. Physically, from the long walk back to this apartment, and mentally, from the horrifying experience I had in that parking garage. Just thinking about those scenes for mere seconds made me nauseous, I could still smell the blood from their bodies… Or maybe it was the blood that had stained my clothes.

None of the lights or water dispensers were working anymore, so I couldn’t even take a shower. I cleaned myself the best I could with some wet wipes I found in the bathroom and changed into a set of clean clothes. Laying down on a bed, I felt a couple of tears forming in my eyes again, but my body gave in to exhaustion before I could start crying, and I fell asleep.

----------

Picking up my phone was the first thing I did every morning, but my phone wasn’t turning on. Neither was the weird phone right beside mine on the bedside table. That phone… It meant I didn’t wake up from a nightmare. So, it wasn’t a nightmare. It was the real world.

I didn’t even know what time it was, but as I got to the living room the sun was shining brightly through the window, so it must have been around noon. Meaning it had been many, many hours since I last ate something.

My stomach grumbled when I reached into the fridge, but the only stuff in there had to be cooked. I was never a fan of raw eggs, and the pieces of meat smelled pretty bad, even though they were far from expiring. I grabbed some chips from the counter instead, trying to satiate my hunger at least a little bit. I would have to go out again and look for something to eat.

Grabbing a small backpack from the wardrobe, I put a few more snacks inside, along with a clean jacket I had brought with me. It was time to see that apocalyptic scene outside again.

Before, I had been so excited to be in Shibuya for the first time – but in my current situation, this meant I had no idea where to go. I didn’t even know where the convenience stores were in this area. People told me before that Japan was full of 'konbinis', but I was yet to find one near the apartment building.

I didn’t know how far I had walked, and I certainly had been lost, but somehow I found a huge department store. 'With these many floors, there must be somewhere to get food!' At the entrance, there was a huge map on the wall listing down what each floor of this building was for, so at least I wouldn’t have to look into every single shop there.

Going up the stairs, I heard some noise coming in from a furniture store – Chattering? People? I quickly walked inside, full of curiosity, and noticed a group of people sitting down at a small dinner table. I peeked from behind a wall, observing them eating what looked like real, good food, though I couldn’t make out any words they were saying.

One of them – a man with blonde, spiky hair and a black floral shirt – stopped eating and looked around, quickly noticing me. Then, a man with fluffy hair wearing a yellow shirt came over and stopped in front of me. We stared at each other in silence, his mouth was opening and closing fast, like he was still thinking about what to say.

'You… Do you know anything about this?' He finally spoke. He didn’t explain what he meant by 'this', but I just knew he was talking about the whole situation happening in Tokyo right now.

'Sorry, I don’t know anything either. I don’t even know my way around Shibuya.' He looked down a bit disappointed.

The blonde man came up to us, asking 'Who is this, Arisu?', to which the other guy, Arisu , replied he didn’t know either, and that I must have just arrived in this 'world' like them. I tried to ask them what they meant, and they invited me over to have a discussion with the others at the table.

'Have you eaten anything? The canned tamagoyaki is still warm, you can have it if you’d like.' Arisu offered me a can and a pair of chopsticks, I thanked him and sat down on the couch near the table. It tasted good! Really good!

We introduced ourselves to each other – their names were Arisu, Karube, Chota, and Shibuki – and they began asking me questions about my experience in this 'world'. I explained I came to visit my friends during college break, and yesterday was my first time in Shibuya. I had known before my arrival that it was extremely crowded near the station, so I was extremely confused when I found no one on the streets, not knowing if there was some kind of event going on. The three men shared the same experience, but the woman remained silent.

'Isn’t it strange? When everyone disappeared from this world, it was yesterday for the four of us, but it was three days ago for Shibuki. Why at different times?' Arisu brought up a new subject and I watched him as he talked, 'And even the vegetables were rotten. It was only a few days since everyone disappeared. What could be the reason?'

'Maybe the way time passes is different than normal?' Shibuki finally spoke up, 'I don’t really know, but even among us, the time when people disappeared is different, right?'

'Did we time travel while we were in the restroom?' Chota said and I looked at him in surprise, 'What? I was also in a restroom when people disappeared!', we both looked at each other with surprised wide eyes.

'That’s impossible. Time traveling does not exist.' Karube told Chota.

'But it’s also impossible for people to disappear. How do you explain the game and people disappearing, then?'

I shivered a bit at Chota’s words. 'They had also been in a game before? So… did they also see people die?' Arisu reached for his pocket and picked up a playing card, a three of clubs, and I thought about the seven of diamonds card I had inside my backpack.

They began talking about games, game masters, microchips, virtual realities… I was barely picking up anything they were saying, still replaying the events of yesterday’s game in my head. My thoughts were interrupted when I heard Chota groaning in pain, touching his leg.

'I don’t think VR can cause burns like that.' Arisu was looking at his friend with a worried expression on his face.

'It must be God. This must be the work of Go-' Chota stopped talking when he noticed me leaving the empty can of tamagoyaki and the chopsticks on the table, 'Sorry, I think I need some fresh air right now, I’m going outside for a bit' I said in a low voice, bowed to them and walked outside.

I didn’t want to join their conversation, I just needed some time to think by myself.

'I have managed to find more people, and they seem nice, compared to the ones I met yesterday. But… Why is it a group of four people again? Are we gonna be forced into a game together, and will we have to watch each other die, too?' My thoughts were spiraling as I walked around the building with no destination in mind, just breathing in the smell of the plants decorating the place, which looked like they hadn’t been watered in days.

I came back to my senses and thought I could go for some 'shopping' since I was already here. Walking back to the stairs, trying to remember what shops were on which floors, I almost bumped into Arisu. I apologized with a quick bow, but he dismissed me saying it was fine. He offered to escort me around since he remembered me mentioning I didn’t know my way around this place.

We hung out for a while, going into a shoe store and I replaced my worn-out converse shoes that were hurting my toes, with a fitting comfortable pair of running shoes. Time seemed to go by fast, as the sun had already begun to set. Karube came up to us at some point, saying he wanted to talk to Arisu in private. I left them near the stairs and went back to the furniture store where I first met them. Shibuki showed me the bedroom area of the store and told me I could pick any of the beds to sleep on for the night.

I wasn’t feeling very tired yet. Instead, I asked where they had picked up all that food from earlier, and she guided me to a convenience store inside the building. Shibuki was already picking up some more cans and cups of instant meals, saying I could stay for 'dinner' with them if I wanted to. I kindly accepted her invitation, happy that I was finally around nice people I could talk to.

That night went by smoothly. At the dinner table (with me sitting on the couch again), they explained to me about the visa system, saying they were supposed to join another game in two days. 'This meant I, too, would need to join another game in six days. Oh, god, please, no!' But soon they weren’t talking about games anymore, rather, they were sharing funny experiences of their daily lives before all of this started. I couldn’t join their conversation, as my life had always been kinda boring, but I didn’t feel left out or uncomfortable, laughing along with them.

When we all decided to go to sleep, Arisu, Karube, and I went up to the bedroom area and claimed our single beds. Shibuki said she and Chota were going somewhere else, as she had to take care of his injury and change his bandages before they could go to bed. We waved at them and tucked under our blankets to sleep.

----------

The following day, I woke up pretty late again, as I didn’t have my phone with a loud alarm clock to keep me from sleeping until noon anymore. I looked around and noticed Arisu and Karube weren’t in the bedroom area. Picking up my backpack and walking towards the entrance to the furniture store, the air smelled like hot noodles and soup, and it wasn’t long until I found Shibuki and Chota sitting in front of a portable stove.

They called my name, saying lunch was almost ready. I walked over to them, asking about Arisu and Karube, to which Chota replied they were 'doing grocery shopping'. Shibuki handed me a hot cup of noodles and some chopsticks, I thanked her and decided I was going to eat while walking around the building, saying goodbye to them.

'Could there be more people left in this city, still?'

Going towards the entrance of the building to observe the streets outside, I passed by Karube and Arisu, waving at them since my mouth was full of noodles. The streets were as empty as ever. The silence that, at first, was so depressing and scary now made me feel a little calmer, peaceful even. I would gladly take any silence like this over the explosions sound from that game. 'I guess I could take a walk outside, who knows, maybe I’ll be lucky to find someone else again.'

I threw away the empty cup and chopsticks in a garbage can outside and began my stroll around the city I did not know at all . Bad idea? Maybe.

This time, I chose to walk over to the more unfamiliar streets, not following the paths that lead to the parking garage or to my friend’s apartment. ' I just hope I don’t get lost again, without being able to return to the department store.'

These streets were full of very tall buildings – more department stores, art galleries, something I think was a hospital, parking garages, apartment complexes… Wait. Hold on a second. One of those apartment complexes seemed to have lights on! It was very easy to spot, considering all the others around it were pitch black. Curious, I walked near the entrance, and I was delighted to find some people inside.

'Toei Sendagaya Apartment'

Rushing in, I noticed a round white table in front of them with a bunch of phones on top, and a sign that said 'One per person'. Memories came back to me; my first game had started right after I picked up one of those phones. I didn’t want to be in a game again, at least not so soon, I still had many days left on my visa.

Walking back to where I came from, I stopped right in front of a wall made of red lasers that I hadn’t seen before. A man’s voice came from behind me, saying 'It’s too late now, you’re already part of the game. Or you can go through that barrier and see for yourself what happens.'

'No way' , I thought, 'I wasn’t going to take this risk' . Hesitantly, I turned back and picked up a phone from the table. The screen showed 'FACIAL RECOGNITION IN PROGRESS. PLEASE WAIT A MOMENT' once again, but this time, it didn’t immediately go to that home screen.

THERE ARE CURRENTLY 6 PARTICIPANTS

PLEASE WAIT UNTIL THE GAME COMMENCES

TWENTY MINUTES UNTIL REGISTRATION CLOSES

I moved to the back, leaning over a wall, and looked over at the people around me. A man wearing a black bandana smirked at me, I guessed he was the one who talked to me earlier. There was a middle-aged woman with glasses staring down at the phone in her hands, a man in a black business suit looking very calm in the corner, and a man with a blue plaid shirt and a dark blue cap, looking a bit anxious. 

'The phone said six participants, am I missing someone?'

I would still have to wait twenty minutes until the game began, doing absolutely nothing here. I quietly hummed to some songs I liked to pass time while I observed more people coming in to play the game.

Two young girls, a man in an office worker uniform, a man in a white hoodie… who took a small device out of his pocket and plugged it into an electrical outlet on the wall. I had no idea what that was, it looked like a small walkie-talkie but without the antenna. He held up an iPod and fixed his earphones before leaning against a wall and staring down at the floor.

A woman quickly walked in, wearing a pink tank top and a teal jacket. The man with the dark blue cap walked over to her, shyly trying to ask her if she knew where all the people in Tokyo had gone to. Before she could answer, they got interrupted by a big man walking right in between them, picking up a phone and moving beside the guy with the black bandana. I noticed they were also wearing blue wristbands, just like that guy who died during my first game. Could they have known him as well?

The last two people to come in through the entrance were Arisu and Karube. I was surprised to see them, but I wondered what they were doing here, since they still had two more days on their visas. That same feminine voice from before spoke through my phone:

REGISTRATION HAS CLOSED

THERE ARE A TOTAL OF 14 PARTICIPANTS

THE GAME WILL NOW COMMENCE

[aldcldo]

"  I  WANTED  SOMETHING  DIFFERENT,  SOMETHING  BETTER.  " 

DOSSIER. • MEMES. • PROMO. • WISHLIST. • VERSES. • HEADCANONS. ( under construction! )

 #ALDCLDO  is  an  independent  writing/roleplay  blog  for  cyberpunk  2077's  PANAM  PALMER.  considering  the  nature  of  said  game,  sensitive  &  triggering  material  will  be  abundant  here.  panam  has  multiple  verses  &  is  available  for  multiple  ships  that  will  each  take  place  in  their  own  unique  verse.  duplicates,  crossovers,  ocs,  multi-muse  blogs  are  all  welcomed,  though  blogs  that  are  in  no  way  related  to  rp  will  be  blocked on sight,  as  well  as  minors.  please  read  the  rules  that  are  below  the  cut!

i.  as  i  am  someone  who  prefers  an  enjoyable  and  easily  navigable  dashboard,  i  tend  to  follow  selectively.  if  i  come  to  the  conclusion  that  following  your  blog  will  not  accommodate  this  preference  of  mine  after  i  do  a  once-over,  then  i  won't.  also,  let  it  be  known  that  i  am  not  going  to  be  using  anyone  just  to  increased  my  number  of  followers  and  i'd  appreciate  if  you  show  me  the  same  courtesy  by  not  using  me  for  that  purpose,  either.  in  other  words,  if  i  follow  you,  that  means  i  would  like  to  interact  with  you,  and  i  hope  you  choosing  to  follow  me  means  the  same.

ii.  i  don't  think  this  needs  to  be  said,  but  still  — while  this  is  a  hobby  that  i  take  pleasure  in  doing,  i  will  not  treat  this  as  anything  more,  like  some  sort  of  obligation.  i'll  be  sure  to  communicate  with  partners  in  cases  where  it  may  be  generous  to  do  so,  like  if  i  want  to  drop  threads  or  ships,  if  i  will  be  taking  a  hiatus,  etc.,  but  please  understand  that,  as  a  human  being,  i'm  subject  to  fluctuating,  ever-changing  moods  and  i've  a  life  outside  of  this  that  includes  responsibilities  and  other  hobbies,  all  of  which  could  impact  my  availability  and  activity.  i  will  not  tolerate  impatience  from  anyone;  as  much  as  i  appreciate  people  being  interested,  no  one  is  entitled  to  my  time.

iii.  if  you  want  to  ship  with  me,  you  need  not  be  shy!  whether  your  muse  ends  up  a  romantic  partner,  business  partner,  friend,  enemy  or  whatever,  of  panam's,  i  guarantee  you  that  i  will  love  it.  exploring  dynamics  and  relationships  of  any  and  all  kinds  is  great  fun  for  me.  however,  please  bear  in  mind  that  i  can  and  will  refuse  or  drop  anything  that  i  don't  see  working  or  i  feel  no  longer  works.

iv.  if  you  are  a  minor,  have  a  laundry  list  of  triggers  and/or  are  easily  squeamish,  i  recommend  that  you  do  not  follow  this  blog.  cyberpunk  2077  deals  with  a  host  of  mature  subjects  and  themes  that  will  often  be  explicitly  depicted  in  some  way,  shape  or  form  here.  you  are  responsible  for  your  own  well-being.  additionally,  i'm  okay  with  writing  smut  but  on  the  condition  that  i  know  you  well  enough  and  i'm  comfortable  with  you.

v.  i  ask  that  if  you  want  to  cease  being  mutuals,  you  soft-block  me.  likewise,  i'll  be  soft-blocking  those  that  i  no  longer  want  to  be  mutuals  with.  please  continue  my  answers  to  your  messages  in  a  separate  post.  kindly  do  not  use  this  blog  for  resources;  reblog  everything  from  the  source.  i  neither  participate  in  nor  condone  drama,  call-out  culture,  witch  hunting,  and  vague  posting.

vi.  i'm  iris!  my  pronouns  are  she/her  and  i  am  above  the  age  of  twenty-one.  feel  free  to  message  me  if  you've  got  any  questions  or  would  just  like  to  chat!

[velvetporcelain]

It’s always like- “where’s my phone?”📱 and not- “where’s my pocket diary?” 📔 -discuss.

I no longer call this my phone. 📱

It’s my pocket diary. As it should be- 📱📔

Everything I need and want to say is written and left here. I never really go back and doom scroll through my writing. It’s left here to be floating here. Like useless space trash. 🚮 🪐

And I’m totally okay with surrounding myself with my own dignity. I don’t know how I made it through my twenties without some type of diary. But then again I was an avid Facebook user and that is basically a journal in itself. Soooo 2000’s. 📱👀

If I can get my mind to think of social media as I do this void then I can probably document my life in the way I want it documented.

Please, yes, judge me. I get off on the shock value of a judgment. —> in some sadistic way when I’m judged it makes me feel seen and alive. And then I cry about it in order to learn more about myself. More ways to be judged because I want more and more and more. I want to be a Warhol on your wall type vibes.

I feel like a vampire to be honest. I’m a good woman who’s addicted to self sabotage to feel alive. I’m not broken because I was never even built. Like- tell me when you first felt like you were actually building who you are according to what you’re meant to be. Experiencing and free.

I do not give the pleasure of judgment that people seek just like me. Judgments are so incredibly powerful. I will not give people mine because I need them more than you. And you don’t even know how much you need them too. Who gets to decide anyways? Me. I do. You choose yours too.

I am able to separate from taking responsibility for their feelings. You know the things that create their judgments. I am no longer sorry that they feel the need to judge me. I am not here for your pain. I’m here for pleasure.

I can only help one through the judgment process. Because I think we just don’t know how to constructively build from a judgment. No matter what kind. Because let’s face it, a compliment IS also a judgment. Is it not?

I know there are therapists, life coaches, doctors etc out there that hold the knowledge it takes to understand human psychology. I am delusionaly convinced that I can help people in a much deeper way. 😆 I don’t know what the way is yet, but I feel my methods are going to be something never seen before. And it’s gonna work. Haha. I’m laughing.

Yes. What a beautiful pocket diary I have. It’s full of my favorite music anywhere I go. I have this amazingly vivid blog account, where I account and accept myself fully. I am able to text or call all my favorite people in this entire world, literally. So 🔥 I think the cellphone was the greatest man made invention. They are what I dreamed of the future being like. The same but just more ways to connect, move and interact. The depictions of the future are always my favorite but when I think of future, some how I’m always thinking back to the 1950s-1960s retro nostalgia.

So I think the future is just the past learning from its mistakes automatically making our future. Again, stays the same, but more connections, movement and interaction.

And that’s all life is. Picking up our past and creating the future right in front of us. Therefore meaning that the only “life path” is the one behind us. There is no yellow brick road.

What you need, you have to borrow. Make sense? There is no future to borrow from. We must be the unrealized idea. Because that is what the future is, an unrealized idea.

Today? I was the first one up and I got to spend quality ass time on my office floor with my two favorite men. My cats 🙈🥰🥰😆 Gary is my little angry demon, and I love when he lays on top of my chest like the king he is. His ears turn outward and sharp. He lets his eye coverings cover only half is eye, he is purring like a dragon and I love taking in the Hz frequencies. My other guy is my baby and I let him get a little rough with me and bite me and scratch my hoodie sleeves in hopes he would feel like the baddest African lion. I let him hunt and kill my arm. I don’t mind the pain, and my mom chopped off the tips of his from paws (declawed) him. Ugh so get me started on that—. It was amazing connecting and enduring the now.

I cleaned my entire house with my daughter’s headphones on feeling no animosity or anger towards my home. 🏡

Now- here I am. Self sabotaging with cigarettes, but- but- baby- it’s okay all the best writers smoke cigarettes in order to be able to endure the deep thought process. 💋

I’ll be fine. I’ll quit soon. 🔜 as I stop thinking.

-x

[shourin]

Bruh

Reverse isekai au crackhead brainrot thoughts. The characters greatest enemies are angst fics of themselves x reader or whatever you save or bookmark in your device that they somehow found out.

Imagine that reader is an angst lover. Some fics depicts the characters as ooc but it’s for the plot. And reader can appreciate a good plot.

It’s feels weird for the characters at first. Reading about themselves but still they persist because they’re curious of what would happen next. Curiosity kills the cat tho.

They are immediately horrified once they read that certain angsty part which they will then have a violent outburst on how unrealistic it was and how they wouldn’t do that to reader EVER(Childe and some others). Some may even appear catatonic in pure shock and horror(Xiao and Diluc). Others will sought out reader and started telling them they won’t do that ever and started begging for them to stop reading those type of things(Kazuha, Zhongli, venti and some)

Child deleting reader’s bookmarks and acting innocent when reader ask him about it.

Meanwhile Xiao would just grabbed onto reader’s sleeve, trauma evident in his eyes as he firmly but weakly said “I would never ignore your calls and left you for dead even after a petty argument.”

Reader: pardon????

Then there’s Zhongli who would confront reader about that particular story about how he supposedly see his current s/o as a replacement for Guizhong.

“My love, Guizhong is merely a dear friend of mine. Please understand that my feelings for you are as unwavering as the rock we-“

“Wait hold on, what?!”

Some of them will be a menace, others will be too traumatized to speak and just look for reader for comfort and the other will go on this poetic tangent on how their love is eternal and unbreakable as bedrock or something. Venti however will ugly cry and begged at your feet to not believe this blasphemy about his love towards you.

“Don’t ever *hic* *sobs* ever EVER *sobs some more* doubt m-my*hic* loveE FOR YO-*wails* YOU!! PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME!!*sobs uncontrollably* THEY DONT EVEN ACT LIKE ME AT ALL!!! I DONT KNOW THOSE VENTIS!! THEY DONT EXIST!!*wails*”

“Of course they don’t, they’re just fiction.”

Reader would be spending the rest of the day comforting a hysterical venti.

Meanwhile there are those that acknowledges it as fictional and Amgen even impress at the plot line.

In conclusion, angsty stories would leave this poor characters traumatize or highly amuse.

I'M WHEEZING THIS IS SO GOOD NONNIE I TRIED BUT I DON'T THINK I CAN ADD ANYTHING TO IT CAUSE IT'S ALREADY PERFECT SFLJSLDKFJ

ok ok ok ok but hear me out.... what if.... what if the angst fics the reader likes are those where the reader dies? def not projecting here lol nonono

ALSO bonus point if they read it on your pc/laptop and you have those browser extensions where it auto-replaces [name] with your actual name. they would be so scared/confused/wary because wait wtf how did this fiction thing know your name wait wHAT IF IT'S A PROPHECY OF SOME KIND OR LIKE AN ALTERNATE REALITY OR IT DESCRIBES WHAT HAPPENED IN A DIFFERENT WORLD OR-

.... you get the gist.

also taking this opportunity to recommend some good good angst where reader dies come cry with me:

★彡 KISS ME WITH YOUR EYES CLOSED. by @/seelestia

Death and Regrets series by @/primofate

go give them some love and don't tell them i sent you

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