#(That’ll be the tag for all art and posts about this AU)

[mof17]

desert duo - apocalypse AU (possibly?) (also known as Aau)

should I start talking about my apocalypse AU on here?

I have some art and designs already

take these half-assed drawn designs of desert duo at the start of an apocalypse

I promise I can draw better, it was just late at night lol

I can’t tell if I should make an Ao3 fic for this as well

I have a decent amount planned out for this

they’re both seniors in Highschool (18), but the apocalypse started right in the middle of the school year (around March?)

scar goes to a highschool, Grian doesn’t.

hybrids are often discriminated, Grian got expelled in a fight in middle school (eighth grade) while standing up for Scar. They never saw each other again until one class in March (a few days before the apocalypse began)

…. Do y’all wanna hear more? I have so much more planned!

other characters have yet to appear like

like Gem and Pearl👀

[aquaquadrant]

question: how do you feel about people making like, fic/art/etc of your fic? I ask specifically because there's an exchange going on over at @mcytrecursive and I would love to nominate Hels to Pay for it if you are ok with that and are willing to post a permission statement or sommat to that effect, because I think it would be an awesome addition to the nominated fics. If not, totally understandable, just wanted to reach out about the possibility in case it's something you were open to! :) Have a lovely day!

omg hey there, i wouldn’t mind at all! i absolutely LOVE fanworks of any kind, i actually have a tag for it here. it still blows my mind that people could be inspired enough by my writing to create their own art, and i treasure every bit of it <3 thanks for thinking of the au!

i guess if we’re being official; anyone has free reign to make whatever they want inspired by the HTP au/‘from eden’ series. i have no problem with ppl putting their own spin on things, or exploring concepts outside of what’s ‘canon’ to the fic. don’t feel like u have to follow everything i’ve established to a T! it’s your playground. any type of media, any pairings, any rating (i do keep my own blog generally free of explicit NSFW but that just means i won’t reblog it, by no means do i care to police how ppl interact w the au). additionally mel and i love being tagged in HTP stuff so we can see it but that’s not required, totally up to the creator!

^^hopefully that’ll suffice, if i need to make it as a separate text post instead i’m happy to do so as well.

[m3tr0n0m333]

Make sure to click for Palestine ^_^

INTRODUCTION POST!!!!

Call me Metro!! (Or Tails… or Nine…. Or Donnie… but I stole those names so they’re optional :3 )

I like Sonic the Hedgehog ATM!!! I might post other stuff though occasionally… depends…

All solid art made by me is under #my art :3

Any art I think doesn't belong in that tag is in #doodles

All text posts made by me are under #text post

- (sometimes I actually try to write genuine story kind of stuff. That’ll be tagged under #genuine writing )

(This includes ask responses! Btw, feel free to drop an ask or an art request!! No guarantee that I’ll actually do the request but uh. Still feel free to try!!)

Ocs are tagged by name !

Everything else is pretty much reblogs. 🎉🎉

OTHER SOCIALS:

-Reblog Acc (tumblr): @m3tr0n0m333-reblogs

- Instagram: @ nyamu_uwu

- Cara: @ m3tr0n0m3

- ARTFIGHT! :

- Ask for discord ^_^

Fav character is Tails and Nine btw… can you tell… (I stole their names) I kin them unfortunately </3

Firm qpr Kittails supporter btw… Kittails fans pspsps!!! I’ll try to draw them but honestly ships aren’t really my thing. I mostly draw Tails LMAO

Also very firm believer in unbreakable Sonic and Tails brother bond :3 (I need them to be happy)

Few of the aus I've conjured up...

Project: Rewind, Redo, Revive (Tails time travels to try and bring Sonic back from death)

-Also got an account for that one: @timetravellingfox

Faker Emo Unbreakable Bond (Nine is in the original universe now and gets adopted by Shadow)

Smoke & Mirrors (Nine hallucinates(?) a version of Sonic back in the desolate Grim.)

OKAAAAYY. SOMETHING TO ADDRESS THOUGH! I’ve got a few Sonic character based ocs that you might see on this blog! Just to know that it’s not… the same characters… although the design/concept is heavily inspired by them! More info below:

Here's some info about our world, LEMNISCUS!

If you've hung around my blog, you're probably wondering: "Hey isn't that Tails/Sonic/Knuckles/etc? Why are they being called a different name/Why do they have altered designs? Is this an au?"

Nope! It's an oc world- stemming from the Sonic the Hedgehog franchise!!

If you click here, you can see the easy guide made by my friend Hana explaining the gist of the world!!

ANY ART/INFORMATION ABOUT THEM WILL BE UNDER THE #LEMNISCUS tag !!!

Plus we got a discord for this universe!!!!

Please please PLEASE read the guide at the very least- and hop in the server if you can!!

If there is any trouble with the link, just comment and I'll replace it!

[kalpeavaris]

FAQ & Info Post

Some Information upfront

(just something quick to link in my pinned post)

Something I gotta mention upfront is that I’m a blind artist. Please do not send me asks/DMs in different fonts or e.g "l33k speech", I can't read these. I take some time to respond, dw, you're not being ignored! Sometimes I just get overwhelmed writing.

Also, my blog’s a safe space for queer and disabled folks as well as mental health topics. I don’t tolerate any ableism or queerphobia on this blog nor do I wish to discuss that. I don't take myself too serious on the internet & am mostly just here to share stuff that makes me giggle like a hyena on adderall. B)

I speak both English & German, so feel free to use these languages with me! My English is better though (despite being german lmao)

FAQ below the cut!

Do you take requests/commissions/art trades?

Yeah I do commissions! Just shoot me a message for availability and we can discuss prices and all c: Usually for Art Trades I'm not thaaat picky about "quality"/"artist level", I just go off of vibes.

If you're interested in like an Art Trade or Collab just shoot me a DM and I'll see how my schedule's going. Can't promise to accept everyone, though. Sorry!

I do draw random fanart for other people from time to time if I'm in da mood so I don't get burned out on my own stuff. BD

Can I DM you?

I mean I can't stop ya- if we’re mutuals go for it! I usually check all my messages, but it might take a second or two for me to respond. ;;

Can I send you asks?

Sure! I love recieving asks and answering them if I can from both non-mutuals and mutuals. c:

Can I draw your design/oc?

Omg ya! I love fanart! Doesnt matter if its for AU re-designs, own designs (like my personal Drone!Tessa or own characters). Do tag me in it if you wanna, idm tags!

Can I use your AU redesign for my AU/story/etc.?

Generally speaking I dont mind. Most of my redesigns are fairly minor in the way I change them up.

The only two designs I dont really feel comfortable with being included in other stories are my Drone!Tessa and Cyn Synemy redesign. Fanart absolutely, but I feel uncomfy with them being used in third party medias as seperate entities.

Is your blog 18+?

Uh tough one. I do not draw (and will never draw) nsfw content on this blog. a) Because I do know minors follow me and b) I'm just not… vibing with nsfw lol (esp not with MD).

But generally speaking I do sometimes mention slighty “suggestive” things, but the farthest I go are either punchlines for my shitposts or like… people kissing before marriage. And affectionative biting. lol.

I do post about mental health topics and stuff like trauma, I usually put TWs on these posts so you may block them if you want to (e.g “tw: death, tw: abuse” etc.)

Still, if youre below 18 and wanna soley follow that’s totally gucci, I just ask of you not to DM me if you’re below the age of 21 (asks are fine!)

Are there DNIs?

Im generally chill with most things. Only things that’ll land you on my blocklist immediately are suggestive/nsfw messages, asks or comments or if you send me like really vile shit.

Also please do not sent me asks/DMs with links to other websites, I generally do not trust those.

[luna-figs-art]

Ok so I was reading y’alls tags, and I thought some of y’all might be interested with what I’ve come up with (some of you have given me ideas so thanks :D)

(Text post incoming)

The Velvet Room

This Velvet Room I imagine it to be a mash up of 3 things: the velvet room (duh), Iwatodai dorm’s command room, and the YoRHa bunker from NieR. Think the YoRHa command room but bathed in velvet room blue with bronze accents and blue led lighting. And the screens would display the stuff from the Iwaitodai command room and the party’s health and stats (which I like to think the info displayed in the command room is also what the navis of each game sees)

speaking of Iwatodai dorm and sees

1a. I think Velvet Room Command would function like Iwatodai dorm but is really only used as housing and mech storage after the P3 and P4 forces join together (and eventually P5)

Thinking of P4&5, I don’t know much about P4 but the Investigation Team would do their story (but place the setting within the au, whether it happens in a small town or on a remote planet) and later the P3,4,&5 groups would join together to basically form the Shadow Ops group but with Igor and all of the attendants forming the overarching command and support.

1b. The attendants, they’re still playing the role of persona providers but all of the siblings are together, and some of them help do software updates or specific maintenance on the persona mechas or they’re there for emotional support

1c. Teleportation exists, so there’s a command station in space and on earth as well as several hangers on earth for the persona cast

2. All groups live through their storylines but with mech battles, and yes, despite the sci-fi-ness of this au, magic is still heavily involved and is used as a handwavey excuse to fill any plot holes that may show up. Thier magic is harnessed and is powered by many sources

3. Now, do the persona pilots physically ride in their mechs like in Pacific Rim? Do they use neuro links similar to Neon Genesis Evangelion? A combination of both? I honestly think it would depend on the pilot, but I think a majority of the users would use both. Like the navis (P3&5 for sure, idk about P4) are definitely in their persona mechs but probably use neuro links as reinforced connections, and the other probably would use both to be able to fight further even if their mechs go down.

But what establishes the neuro links for each group? Well for the P3 team it’s their evokers, that’ll work kinda the it does in the game. For the P5 crew, their masks. The tech that probably makes the masks work as links would be similar to the technology in sword art online combined with the visors from NieR automata ( where they can see through the mask and it shows a hud/ui/ stats of party through the pov of their persona). But for the P4 cast, I’m not as sure. Maybe they’ll have a unique id-like card that they swipe/insert or in some form use since I can’t really think of a clever way to translate tarot card crushing into this au.

4. And at the mention of Evangelion, a certain someone asked about the Ryoji-Thanatos situation, and I think that it could indeed be like Evangelion where the mechas would have its own consciousness (from what I know, I’ve never seen Evangelion. I know blasphemy), and yes, Ryoji would be in there (imagine him post Christmas as something like a combat support ai until 3/5). Or you could go in the route where it’s the no one dies, everyone lives au ending for P3 in this mecha au, then this bit doesn’t matter, and Ryoji and Thanatos are separate entities, but Ryoji helped design/make Thanatos for Makoto and that can be the connection between Ryoji and Thanatos.

5. Shadows, Dark Hour, the fog(??), Metaverse?

I think all of these do exist in this au because magic, and why not have interdimensional/intergalactic rifts and portals where there are aliens that invade at attack. And the aliens are shadows. But, only the persona pilots can perceive the shadows but the masses can notice the effects of the shadows like the apathy syndrome.

6. Timeline wise I’m leaning toward the cannon/generally accepted timeline between the games, but shove everything a few hundred / a thousand year(s) into the future

7. Now the wildcards. In this au, because they’re special (and in some cases, god’s favorite chewy toy) I’d figure did give an explanation for why they can have multiple persona mechas. The reason being that in this au, one mecha takes every fiber of one’s being to control them. And in most cases if someone tries to control another, they’d lose control of themselves (go insane mental breakdown style), or get overloaded and unable to physically handle the mental strain and die because of it and their mechas would go berserk.

But wildcards being wildcards, they have the mental fortitude to have multiple mecha connections and in Akechi’s case, the will to have a couple.

Anyways, that’s all I can think of right now, but I’ll update this post if I think it’s needed.

But don’t be afraid to make your own additions to it if you’re felling ˖✧ inspired ˖✧

Thanks for reading and another project with P5 is soon to begin :)

[veryace-ficrecs]

Benthan First Kiss Fic Recs

This list will include all ratings and tags, so read at your own discretion! :)

The Art of Deception by windatyourback - Rated T

Benji’s learnt is that all it takes is one mission to knock a screw loose. But it doesn’t matter how well you can shoot a gun, or drive a car, or pretend to be somebody else – if the agency has even the shadow of a doubt that you might absolutely lose your shit during it, then you’re a liability. And liabilities don’t go out in the field, period. With bombs being strapped to his chest and nooses being hung around his neck, Benji can't help but feel world is out to get him. Amidst this, Ethan Hunt becomes his best friend -- and then, something more.

houston, do you copy? by ORiley42 - Rated T

soulmates! in! spaaaaace!!

The Proof in the Pudding by Three_Oaks - Rated T

Five times Ethan came to Benji's bakery, and one time Benji decided to come to him.

Focal Point by McKat - Rated T

Benji and Ethan coming to terms with their own feelings for each other, to the tune of a mission going bad.

Point of No Return by fictionallemons - Rated M

Ethan might be dead, and Benji might have accidentally declared his feelings for him over comms.

like real people by alecjbi - Rated T

five times benji and ethan almost kiss, and the time they finally do.

Let Me Love You by fictionallemons - Rated M

When Benji goes as Jane's date to her ex's wedding, she challenges him to reveal his feelings to Ethan. After all, Benji's the bravest one of them.

Until the End of Their Time by badgerhuan - Rated G

Benji has lost count of how many times he and Ethan had been married.  --x Or, the one where they let things fall naturally. Prompt was Fake Married au.

Whole by Three_Oaks - Rated M

Have you thought about hurting yourself or others?

My take on what was supposed to be Benji's line at the airport, how he got there, and what happens after

I'm With You by fictionallemons - Rated E

Luther's getting married again at a private resort on a tropical island. Only there's a mixup with the rooms and Benji and Ethan have to share. No big deal, right? One bed. Two friends. No problem. Ha.

with my feelings on fire (guess i'm a bad liar) by Baebadook - Rated T

Getting stuck together in increasingly tiny places was just another Saturday afternoon for them now. And he was trying, not for the first time that month, to avoid thinking about just how cozy they were. How easy it would be to kiss one another. Basically five times Ethan and Benji get stuck together or in exceedingly teeny spaces.

magnetic field being a little too strong by oopshidaisy - Rated T

“This is strictly recon,” Ethan says. It’s maybe the seventeenth time he’s said words to this effect since they arrived at the party. “We can’t do anything that’ll raise suspicion. Understand?” Post-Rogue Nation. Benji and Ethan go undercover and find themselves in one of those spy jams that only surprise kissing can solve.

Convergence by AccusedNickel - Rated G

It was impossible for Benji Dunn to think of a time when he wasn't, in some way, entirely infatuated with Ethan. There was no alternate reality where he hadn't fallen for the other agent- their paths seemed set to cross at some point. Call it fate, call it destiny. Whatever it was it inevitably led to this. Ethan, right there, as steady and charming as ever, and Benji, right there with him, too afraid to confess. OR, in simpler terms: Five times Benji and Ethan have an incomplete intimate moment, and one time everything falls into place, just as it should.

[mathias-wanabe]

Fellows folk and fae, welcome to my page

I guess since I post things on here I should have an intro? Though it’s probably not needed I’m jumping on the bandwagon anyways.

I don’t exactly have a dependable name on here yet so I guess you can call me Mathias (totaly didn’t steal the name from the announcer :>

Tags:

#mathia’s random art post -my art stuff

#mathias rants into the void -for the few posts that I just by accident write a whole ass essay about somthing I’m interested in

stuff I like :>

Other then loving chonny jash my interest, in no particular order are,

Outer wilds

Deltarune

Portal

Backfirewall_

The stanly parable

Tally hall/miracle musical

Hollow knight

Good omens

The world of Mr plant

Happy game

Creature in the corner

Smiling friends

Perhaps more if I remember the things I like.

I mostly draw chonny jash related art, occasionally will say random things, but usually I just stay as one of Thoes background you forget about the moment I’m out of view.

OTHER APPS:

My recroom user is @character_003 or Apollo/the mind(display name) my portfolio there is where all my art is that I don’t rlly find interesting enough to post here or on discord

My discord is “_name_here” (ikr amazing name) I am the sleep deprived recroom artist on the cjfs and somewhere buried deep down in the art advice posts is where I put my jasher god au rants and art

(I haven’t updated in a while but am thinking of starting it back up again)

DNI:

I got the average DNI, basically just don’t hate on others (saying mean things is kinda rude to do) AND If i do something that I don’t realize is bad, please let me know! I’m relatively new to this app and I’m not a very social person so I can be kinda dumb sometimes when it comes to online etiquette :) but I’ll be glad to fix my errors if I can!

Not sure what else to put here so here’s some fun facts?

I have the diverging of nuros, specifically adhd, and if I get the SLIGHTEST chance I will info dump so much that you’ll forget why you were talking to me in the first place.

I also like to write a bit, I have my own chonny jash-verse god AU in mind but I’ve only really posted it to the Cjfs. (It’s also very loosely made)

Lmk if yall wana see it here!

My favorite album of CJ is GW/TNLH despite never reading any of the books. I plan to one day…hopefully... (And if there are any of you ao3 writers thinking of making a Fanfic for that album this is your sign to do so I am VERY content deprived)

Well. It’s obvious that I write alota stuff :/

Anyways that’ll be it for now! I’ll update as I live on but until my next appearance on this app I will say my goodbyes.

And I shall see you when I do

: >

[vodkassassin]

Hello sorry to bother you but i noticed for a couple of your moshang wing au posts that youve put wing! Au in the tags while on most of the others youve put wings!au

Just thought id let you know bc this means that you cant see all the au posts when you click on only one of the tags. I almost missed out on some cool art bc of this and wasnt sure if you noticed :)

Hi! Thanks for pointing it out, I actually have noticed this issue just in the past few days and I’m going about correcting it. This AU was created and added to all over the place and I hadn’t really decided what to call it, but I think I’m gonna be editing the posts to include the tag “Moshang wings!au”

So if anyone of you want to keep up with it, that’ll be the one to search. Once I get all the posts edited. Lol

[hollygl125]

Summer Reading / Writing / Arting Tag

Tagged by: @coping-via-clint-eastwood. (Fun! Thank you!)

1. Describe one creative WIP project you’re planning to work on over the summer.

I’m planning to submit a story for the ficwip 5k AU challenge, but I wrote that two days after it was announced (I have absolutely zero control over my mind), so now I’m just waiting for sign-ups and posting. I consider it a pre-canon divergent, canon convergent modification of a coffee-shop AU (not that I’ve ever read a coffee-shop AU). I think it’s pretty cute. But, since it’s already complete, I won’t exactly be working on that over the summer….

I will still be working on my ongoing series. It was ostensibly finished last August, but it’s grown in length by at least 50% since then (by adding to the middle—the end point is roughly the same). I currently have two unfinished sections (sections where I started adding something but need to fill in the rest).

In a dream world I would make a video to accompany the fic series, but I am an extreme perfectionist and don’t currently have the patience, so I think I would likely just drive myself crazy in the attempt.

I’d love to learn to make gifs in Photoshop, with pretty colours and layers and I don't know what…. I made a gif-set in PS once, but the end result was really big and unusable for most purposes because I didn’t really know what I was doing.

I’d also kind of like to embroider something. I bought some embroidery kits while slightly out of my mind during the height of the pandemic, and I think it would be fun to try using them and then, after learning a bit, make up something on my own. (Would it involve bees and butterflies? Probably.)

2. Rec a book!

Fiction: Girlfriend in a Coma by Douglas Coupland. I haven’t read this in forever, but I meant to recommend it to someone about a decade ago and never got the chance. So I’m recommending it now to y’all instead.

Non-Fiction: Stamped from the Beginning: The Definitive History of Racist Ideas in America by Ibram X. Kendi, which is about the development of racist ideas and non-racist ideas alongside each other. I think this is one of the last books I read before I broke my brain.

3. Rec a fic (outside your character tag)!

How cute of you, question-asker, to think I read any fic outside GSR!

4. Rec music!

I’m terrible at recommending music, but I do have a Spotify playlist for my GSR series. (The Spotify playlist is only current to the stories I’ve posted so far. My private iTunes playlist has about 100 more songs. The Spotify playlist will get there eventually.)

5. Share one piece of advice!

I did my undergrad in History and English Lit, but I have no background in creative writing (aside maybe from previously running my dog’s Instagram account), so I don’t know if I’m in much of a position to give advice, but I’ll tell you how I approached my writing process (and had a lot of fun with it!), and maybe that’ll help someone.

Writing fan fiction was not something I seriously considered doing until the day before I started doing it. On the day before I started, I thought of it as something I might do quite a ways in the future, when I’d prepared more. But then the next day my brain was like, actually, no, we’re doing this now.

The reason I’d decided to write fanfic was that I had all these little romantic GSR scenarios running around my head at night (and in the morning, and in the afternoon, and in the evening…), and it was getting really tiresome having to recreate the dialogue every night.

When I started I did an outline in a Word doc with story or chapter headings, based on the different aspects of the GSR story I knew I wanted to address. After I had the outline, I didn’t fill in the story linearly, though. I first wrote whatever scenario was most pressing to get out of my head. Then I wrote the next thing, then the next, then the next, all based on what was most urgently trying to escape my head. Sometimes I added more headings when I had new ideas.

But it was never work; it was always fun. I probably looked a little goofy. I kept thinking… oh my god, I can’t believe I’m doing this. (You have to keep in mind that, until January 2022, I had not read any fic since (or before) I read fic for Josh and Donna when they were taking their own sweet time back in the mid-2000s.)

Eventually I had to write some sections that were more functional—stuff that was simply necessary to get from Point A to Point B—but that was really minimal and still relatively enjoyable. (I have a hard time even remembering what those sections were anymore, but I think the chapter explaining how they got from the year of honeymoons to the events of season 13 was definitely one of them).

So I guess my advice would be that you should just do whatever works for you. (E.g., you don’t have to start at the beginning.) I think this works well with c-v-c-e’s advice: “This is art. There ARE no rules, especially ones restricting flexibility and expression.”

And, most importantly, please remember to try to have fun!

Tagging: If you would like to participate, please consider yourself tagged!

[squeiky]

Alright so with one person encouraging me to make that one Forces au I had in mind and have like mostly fleshed out I will probably be posting about it here since I don’t want to make another blog like I did with my FusionSwap au

It’s mostly going to be manga-like bcs I want to work on inking and colored splash pages may be in order.

I do want to try making scans instead of digital art- so that’ll be fun. I’m planning on buying some ink and pens and stuff to do so- because I’m more of a traditional artist than a digital one by all means.

Not sure what to tag it as though, because “forces au” is too vague.

Also also, encourage me to make this more often because I have aus that have filled actually books- but my ability to do things heavily rely on people going “good boy!” Every time I do something.

Probably going to do this my way, and just release pages whenever I feel like honestly. Y’all will read chapter 14 before chapter 1 like I need to motivation.

[liloinkoink]

so three things abt lamplight rn

1. lamplight’s gonna have three arcs. 

one) torchlight arc, which consists of the first meeting fic (aptly named torchlight) and goes up until martyn officially escapes the watchers by making it back to civilization at large. there’s only really one or two other things im planning for this arc, its just their first week or two of knowing each other. this is the shortest arc

two) lamplight arc, which is the bulk of the fic and also what i have the least planned. sleeping hound and 20 questions take place here, and i have a fww other things i want to write in it. i am also, honestly, open to requests if anyone wants to throw smth in the ring here. its the time martyn is adventuring just Wherever with his lantern. this has the capacity to be the longest arc

three) moonlight arc, or the arc where ren gets a body. the first part of this arc is written and posted already, and will be a three-chapter fic. i do have one or two things other than that fic in mind for moonlight as well, but nothing concrete for an ending 

2. i have all the longer lamplight pieces drafted on ao3 and will be posting htem over the nect few days, the last piece of which is that noncanon lamplight-verse treebark one i never posted. im holding off on posting 20 questions until i can write up another short piece or two to pair it with (and i can edit it a little to be more of a middle-fic piece than an intro piece), but that’ll also be on ao3, so essentially 5 more pieces will be up on ao3 over a few days

i am already writing the next lamplight pieces and will continue to do so because. yknow. theres diseases in my brain

3. i said in the tags of an ask that i was considering open the floor if ppl wanted to write lamplight fic. i have since seen interest in this, so the floor is officially open. if you want to write smth in the lamplight arc, you can probably just go for it. for the torchlight or moonlight arcs, you should probs wait till ive got more of them out. 

as always, feel free to ask me stuff about lamplight au! i love answering asks about it. if youre interested in writing or drawing for it and have any questions abt the au, feel free to shoot me (or Haunted, esp for art) an ask! 

[determunition]

~november update~

since inscryptober just ended and there’s some new stuff on the horizon, i just wanted to take some time to update you all on my plans and status for my various projects!

first of all, thanks to everyone who participated in inscryptober! it was super fun seeing everyone’s amazing art every week, and nat and i certainly weren’t expecting such a turnout so the volume of participation was a pleasant surprise!

now that inscryptober has passed i’ll probably settle pretty comfortably back into retyrement content, though i would like to experiment more with canon-compliant stuff here and there. i’m right in the thick of fall term at art college right now, so i’ve unfortunately got few spoons to spare for personal projects every week u-u currently i’m drawing stuff for asks i’ve been meaning to answer in my inbox, so keep an eye out for that!

on the fanfic side of things, you may have noticed that i did not post a chapter in october; there’s quite a few reasons for this (a couple of which you may have already guessed), but rest assured i am working on chapter 14 of OLD_FOLKS HOME! i ended up having to split it into two chapters, so with any luck you’ll be getting each of them relatively close to each other to make up for the inadvertent hiatus.

if you hunger for written retyrement content and must be satiated before the next chapter of OLD_FOLKS HOME comes out, might i suggest my buddy @naturallydark​‘s fanfic he just started posting! have a holly jolly cardmas is NOT canon to the retyrement AU, but it’s an absolute delight to read so far and from what little snippets i’ve managed to get out of nat it’s surely only going to get better from here on; give it a read and tell nat i sent you!

alright, that’ll be it for now! as always i’m glad to answer questions about the AU or art stuff in general, and i thank you all for the wonderful tags and encouragement i’ve been getting on my art and writing alike <33 congrats on making it through this little ramble, and i’ll see you on my next post!

[demonsfate]

      𝐍𝐎𝐈𝐓𝐂𝐄𝐋𝐅𝐄𝐑  𝐍𝐖𝐎  𝐘𝐌  𝐄𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐄𝐁  𝐃𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐒  𝐈  ,𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐖  𝐘𝐌  𝐓𝐒𝐍𝐈𝐀𝐆𝐀

      𝐀𝐆𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐓  𝐌𝐘  𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐋,  𝐈  𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐃  𝐁𝐄𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄  𝐌𝐘  𝐎𝐖𝐍  𝐑𝐄𝐅𝐋𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

indie   jin  kazama  &&  devil  jin  of  the  tekken  series.  as  fought  by  wikia canon  divergent  (i  have  beef  with  TK6  ok)  and  hc  based READ  ABOUT  HERE  ||  OPEN  TAG  ||  RULES  UNDER  CUT.

MUTUALS  + FOLLOWING

I’ll only interact if we follow each other. However, non-mutuals can still like posts, reblog posts, & send me asks if they desire to. I only want to thread with mutuals because it’s less stressful.

I’m likely to softblock if your blog’s content makes me uncomfortable. If you decide to unfollow, please SOFTBLOCK me. Because I may not realize you unfollowed, and I may attempt interaction.

As for DUPLICATES? I don’t mind following other Jins, and I’ll happily interact with them! It could be multiverse, or twin AU. Hell, I could just play Devil and you could play Jin or vice versa!

This blog is very accepting of OCs and crossovers!

I am now completely stuck with Beta Editor as Tumblr has removed the option to switch to Legacy. Because of this, I solely write with Beta.

CANON DIVERGENCE

I try to adhere to canon. However, I have my own headcanons, theories, and takes that make my Jin unique from canon. I also hate how Tekken 6 handled Jin’s character. He was uncharacteristically cruel, and his “plot” made little sense. It also defeats the original purpose of his character and why I love him so much. So while this blog still acknowledges 6, it was Devil Jin who started the war, and was in control of Jin’s body throughout all the events - Jin has NOTHING to do with it - Jin only gained strength and took back control near the very end, where he defeats Azazel. Thus, Jin’s own memories of 6, and the characters involved, are foggy or nonexistent.

Jin and Devil Jin are not the same person - Devil Jin isn’t just Jin, but he’s corrupted by the “devil gene.” In my depiction, Devil Jin is a separate entity who is parasitic and shares the same body as Jin.

Speaking of which - although this is, technically, a dual muse blog - if muse isn’t specified, then the default will always be Jin (as, he’s usually the one in control with the exception of TK6′s events) unless I feel the interaction fits Devil Jin or your muse has a more established relationship with Devil.

I don’t adopt movies (live action, OVA, or blood vengeance) the anime (bloodline) comics, or any adaptations in my canon. I only follow (most of) game canon, as trying to piece together the adaptations is too difficult as they’re very inconsistent with the games’ lore, and considered non-canon, too. However, I may cherry pick little things from adaptations if I see them fitting.

NSFW + Triggering content

Posts may contain some triggering content, frequent ones that’ll pop up are abuse/neglect, suicidal thoughts/ideation, and cannibalism may be one - even if Devil Jin isn’t a human, he still has a humanlike appearance. I try to tag all triggers. I refuse to write incest, or p*dophilia too. I will block you if you write these contents because they make me very uncomfortable.

Smut threads will be present. If I put them under a readmore only depends on if my partner does it or not. But I’ll always tag them as “spicy” - since Tumblr likes to block the tag “NSFW” and that makes it difficult to find posts tagged it for later.

GODMODDING + METAGAMING

Godmodding is a no and metagaming is also a no

SHIPPING

This blog is multiship. I’m okay with pre-established relation/friendships as long as they’re plotted first - or, as for friendship, as long as it’s already established in canon itself. (Such as Xiaoyu and Hwoarang.)

REBLOGGING

Anything but threads are rebloggable! Because typically my partners don’t like threads to be reblogged. Mutual or not, you’re free to reblog my ooc posts, my shitposts, memes, my art (highly encouraged!) I don’t mind at all!!! 🥺🥺🥺 Also, if you sent in a meme or anything in the inbox, you’re very free to turn it into a thread.

MUN DOES NOT EQUAL MUSE

I’m not Jin or Devil Jin - please don’t get mad at me (the mun) or assume I share the same beliefs because of my muses’ statements or actions.

GRAPHICS + ICONS

All graphics used on this blog are made by me unless stated otherwise. 

MUN

Hi hi hi! I am the mun, you can call me by Wikia or anything, I am 25 years old. If you made it down here, I just wanna say that there’s no password to send and thank you for reading and respecting my rules! I hope to write with you soon. ❤︎

[unadulteratedkr]

I posted 2,256 times in 2022

That's 800 more posts than 2021!

29 posts created (1%)

2,227 posts reblogged (99%)

I tagged 2,238 of my posts in 2022

Only 1% of my posts had no tags

#our flag means death - 693 posts

#the locked tomb - 233 posts

#nona the ninth - 72 posts

#dracula - 67 posts

#taika waititi - 54 posts

#gideon the ninth - 42 posts

#harrow the ninth - 37 posts

#our flag means death spoilers - 33 posts

#uk politics - 31 posts

#what we do in the shadows - 26 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#i really really really really hope that olu truly being that comfortable in the captain's quarters is a sense of foreshadowing that pays off

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Chapters: 12/19 Fandom: Game of Thrones (TV), A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, My Fair Lady (1964) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth Characters: Jaime Lannister, Brienne of Tarth, Tyrion Lannister, Bronn (ASoIaF), Catelyn Tully Stark, Renly Baratheon, Podrick Payne, Hyle Hunt, Margaery Tyrell, Pia (ASoIaF), Josmyn "Peck" Peckledon Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Historical, The My Fair Lady AU no one asked for, Well except for me, and then i decided to write it, Jaime as Henry Higgins, Brienne as Eliza Doolittle, romance and shenanigans ensue, Lots of found family in this baby, I wrote this originally for the JB of it all, but the secondary story is Brienne Having Supportive Friends Rights Summary:

When Brienne Tarth's speaking voice is insulted in the streets of King's Landing by Professor Jaime Lannister, she decides to take him up on his offer for elocution lessons.

--

Chapter Summary: Hyle Hunt attends the Unification Feast and meets Miss Brienne Tarth

5 notes - Posted January 24, 2022

#4

My totally serious, not-at-all-influenced-by-the-acetone-fumes-in-the-room 5 star yelp review of my sister’s nail salon/therapy business, now open with a badge that says she can do what she wants, trust me

TRULY impeccable service from a Professional here at @madebycoffee​‘s “Not Allowed to be Applebee’s” salon. Ms. Coffee provides excellent nail art while serenading you with either ABBA or My Chemical Romance. (Make sure you don’t intend to join her in singing; you WILL be cautioned as it could ruin your nails) Then about halfway through the last coat of polish, she’ll hit you with a one-two punch of The Giggles that’ll unlock a secret emotional breakthrough (breakdown?) that only shrimps are aware of. It will be life-changing. Also your nails will look fabulous.

5/5, definitely will come again

6 notes - Posted June 9, 2022

#3

I’ve been writing all day, and I feel it’s important the world know that I’m currently working on an Actual Kraken Edward Teach fic because I’ve gone full brain-rot:

“Is this—is this new?” Stede reaches up, and touches the tip of a black tentacle brushing hair away from his face.

Yeah. Since—yeah. It’s new.

It aches to hear the clipped way Ed’s voice echoes in his head. It aches even more to know he could have prevented it by finding this new strain of courage a few days sooner than he did.

“Since I left.”

The tentacles holding him steady in the water don’t tighten or relax in any way, but they begin to tremble.

Since you left.

7 notes - Posted April 10, 2022

#2

Chapters: 11/19 Fandom: Game of Thrones (TV), A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, My Fair Lady (1964) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth Characters: Jaime Lannister, Brienne of Tarth, Tyrion Lannister, Bronn (ASoIaF), Catelyn Tully Stark, Renly Baratheon, Podrick Payne, Hyle Hunt, Margaery Tyrell, Pia (ASoIaF), Josmyn "Peck" Peckledon Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Historical, The My Fair Lady AU no one asked for, Well except for me, and then i decided to write it, Jaime as Henry Higgins, Brienne as Eliza Doolittle, romance and shenanigans ensue, Lots of found family in this baby, I wrote this originally for the JB of it all, but the secondary story is Brienne Having Supportive Friends Rights Summary:

When Brienne Tarth's speaking voice is insulted in the streets of King's Landing by Professor Jaime Lannister, she decides to take him up on his offer for elocution lessons.

Chapter Summary: Before the Feast

--

My only REAL solid NY resolution is to finish this fic this year. I can SEE the finish line. I can TASTE it. So here we fuckin’ go.

8 notes - Posted January 4, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

🎵

"I'm Going to Go Back There Someday" from The Muppet Movie

song | lyrics

It’s the night before Joffrey’s wedding, and there is not a single room in the Keep that isn’t filled with people Jaime cannot bear to be around. His brother has been sullen and more drunk than normal, stewing in wine and resentment that too easily cracked through his usual façade of nonchalance. Jaime has seen flashes of the war playing out between his brother and his father since his return, and while he can’t blame Tyrion for disappearing into his cups, it doesn’t make him exactly fond of being around him when he smells of rotten grapes.

Cersei is no better. Jaime is not about to remark on the common ground she and Tyrion share, but her only passion in the weeks since his return have been the rages she only dares to fly into when she and Jaime are alone, seething with a white-hot venom at the plans their father has put into place. She had told Jaime that he had been too late, accusing him of refusing to move forward with the march of time, and yet Jaime cannot rid himself entirely of the thought that Cersei is the one clinging to the past: a past where she refuses once again to defy Tywin, a past where the world conspires to harm their children, a past where Joffrey is still a sweet boy, and their love is still alive enough to taste fresh. Jaime can feel the love he has for Cersei still, and perhaps that is a part of his heart that refuses to catch up to the world, but there are days where the love is not as fresh as it was when they would tumble into the nearest chamber in defiance of a boorish king. It is slowly preserving itself in amber, to be remembered.

So Jaime avoids the family he fought so hard to return to, and finally finds himself looking out to a calm and quiet sea with the noise of the pre-wedding festivities booming behind him. He strides along the parapet, and soon he discovers he is not alone, and he resolutely strides towards the figure looking out to sea.

“Not one for palace intrigue tonight?”

Jaime knows it’s her even before she turns at the sound of his voice, knows where he can find soft curves in her strong and broad shoulders, knows the way moonlight turns her plain, straw-like hair into something celestial. He is not certain, but it feels like he would know those things about her even before he had seen every inch of her dripping with water and fury. It’s unsettling to imagine how well he knows her sometimes, so it feels safer to approach her with aloofness, with quips. That is how Jaime knows to survive a tender heart in the Red Keep.

Brienne frowns at him, and Jaime catches the familiar glower in flickers of torchlight. She no doubt recognizes the bitter undertone in his voice, and she is clearly in no mood to be his punching dummy simply because Jaime is in a bad mood. His mood sours even more when she does not reply to him. She simply steps to the side, making room for him in her small corner of the walkway. Jaime remembers this treatment too well from when she had him chained. He had talked himself hoarse on more than one occasion, and it had been a rare event indeed when his constant haranguing had forced a response from Brienne.

Tonight, however, he is too tired to continue the pretenses. Jaime sighs, stepping next to Brienne. “Ignore me, Brienne. I came out here to escape people in foul moods; I shan’t bully you out of a similar refuge just because I have apparently been infected with their sourness.”

Brienne nods slightly, Jaime watches the tense line of muscle in her neck relax slightly, and they stand in silence, looking out to the moonlit waves. Jaime can’t hear Brienne breathing, but there is enough of a shift to her shoulders in his periphery that Jaime feels like they are breathing in tandem. Perhaps it’s simply both of them breathing in rhythm with the sea.

“Do you miss it?”

Brienne starts at Jaime’s sudden question, and she peers at him curiously.

“Miss what, Ser?”

Jaime hopes he never loses the thrill of Brienne calling him ‘ser’, that he never loses the cool wave of peace that brushes against him when she utters that word.

“Tarth. Your home. Your family.”

Brienne turns back to the sea, her blue eyes searching the horizon for her home island, the sapphires in her eyes searching for the Sapphire Seas that almost led to her death in the bear pit.

“I don’t know. I left Tarth dreaming I would be awash in glory on the battlefield, and I hoped that it would bring my father honor as I could not do so a—as a more traditional daughter.”

Brienne’s smile is as bitter as Jaime’s had been when he approached her, and Jaime resists the urge to reach out. Even as they stand alone, there are too many spiders in the walls of the Keep who would relish the chance to spin a single comforting touch into a wild tale of the Kingslayer passionately embracing the Maid of Tarth, and that is risk enough to stay his hand. That the comfort might be seen as unwelcome is an even larger risk that Jaime refuses to admit.

“But I know my father loves me as best he knows how. There is something of his love within me every time I have raised my blade; I do so to protect myself, but it is also protect my father’s daughter. I would not bring him more grief.” Jaime has not seen many smiles from Brienne. Most of them have been bitter or bordering on sneers, another wall of patchy armor Brienne has had to cobble together to protect herself. He recognizes that type of smile all too well. But now she turns to him with a beautiful and sad smile, one that feels dangerous with the depth of its sincerity.

“It is dangerous for me to dream of returning in glory, but I do wish to return—once I have fulfilled the duty set before me. I wish to return to my father and be unashamed in who his daughter has grown to become. I--” Brienne pauses for a moment, and Jaime has never seen her so vulnerable. “I miss the blue waters of my childhood. If I cannot obtain glory and honor, I would see them again before I die.”

It is possibly the most Jaime has ever heard Brienne ever say, and he dare not destroy whatever magic has created this outburst of trust from her, so Jaime bows.

“Thank you for indulging my question, Lady Brienne.” Jaime holds up his false hand, knowing Brienne is ready to protest at being called a lady. Her eyes flicker over the intricately carved gold, and she closes her mouth. “No—peace. I shall leave you to your thoughts. Have a pleasant evening, my lady.”

Jaime turns, resolute that he will not glance over his shoulder. That night, he dreams of the sea.

11 notes - Posted January 16, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[raleighcarrera]

falling

platinum | raleigh carrera x mc (cadence dorian)

a little while ago i posted about the idea of a soulmate au where the first words raleigh & cadence say to each other are tattooed on them their whole lives, and this... is that. (for @platinumweekend ❤️)

tags: @choicesarehard ; @empressazura; @emomoustache ; @natesewell ; @zigtheeortega ; @pixeljazzy ; @brycemaloliver ; @grigori-girl ; @dulceghernandez ; @bitchloveskcbaseball ; @withbeautyandrage 

~10.5k words | T

i.

the words appear in looping script on his thirteenth birthday, right on time. they curve along the inside of his bicep, innocently punctuated. what’s your name?

“you got lucky,” one of his older cousins tells him, later, when everyone in his family comes by for cake and to ooh and aah over his new tattoo, “you’ll be able to hide that with a shirt or a jacket easily.”

but raleigh sleeps shirtless every night for the next two years, even when it’s cold, so that the words are the last thing he sees with his head pillowed on his arm before he falls asleep, dreaming of the nameless, faceless person who will one day say them, wondering what their voice might sound like when they do.

ii.

she has a more difficult go of it.

being a thirteen year old girl would be miserable enough without the added pressure of the words that practically feel broadcast across her forehead, most of the time. everyone at school teases her constantly and ruthlessly: say something funny, cadence. go on. tell us a joke!

so it’s difficult not to resent the two words scrawled lazily across her collarbone and the person attached to them, especially in the mornings before school when she’s angrily rearranging her neckline and jewelry in the mirror while the bus idles outside.

very funny. she isn’t, really. she’s plenty of things -- determined and passionate and sensitive, definitely, but... no one’s ever found her particularly funny, before.

and no one seems to understand just how much the expectation of having to be funny, one day, is weighing on her, not even her parents, when she finally works up the courage to squeak out, “but how am i supposed to know what i should say?”

her mom laughs indulgently, like she’s already said something funny. her stomach sinks further.

“oh, sweetheart,” she tells her, “don’t worry, it won’t matter. you just will.”

iii.

people ask him about it. a lot.

it gets difficult to keep it a secret as things change around him, but raleigh’s careful to avoid slip-ups and paparazzi photos and he doesn’t say a word about it in interviews, even when he’s asked directly. he’s never seen without short sleeves on, at the very least, and he doesn’t even tell blair and cameron about it.

he sort of wishes he had, though, because as his life turns upside down and he adapts to a new country with a new set of rules and an industry that makes his head spin most of the time it starts to feel more and more confusing, those three words -- what’s your name?

everywhere he goes, thousands of girls blocking the street scream it at him. so how is it possible that whoever’s waiting to meet him doesn’t already know it?

and what does that mean for how the rest of his life is going to turn out? 

what if all of this -- the fame and the money and the notoriety -- is fleeting, and he’s only a few short years from being completely washed up and irrelevant? what if the day he’s meant to meet his person is so far away that he’ll be completely out of the spotlight, by then, with sunset skatepark playing reunion tours and him having spent most of his life alone?

it’s a lot of pressure, for someone who’s already working their way through such a serious adjustment, and most of the time it’s dizzying, thinking about the fact that there’s someone out there who’s supposed to be perfect for him, when everyone he meets seems determined to forget every word they know other than yes, so they can suck up to him as much as possible.

his teenage years fly by in a whirlwind of mistakes and regrets. there’s things he would’ve never dreamed would come his way, like world tours and more money than he can count and so many girls who know everything about him before they even sit down to dinner, but there’s more than that, too.

there’s all the ways the industry weakens his trust until it’s gone, all the people who try to use him for what he can do for them, all the times he stumbles until he finally learns to distance himself by cultivating a persona, by leaning into all the expectations of raleigh carrera and creating something so outlandish it doesn’t hurt as much when disaster follows him around because it’s supposed to.

he watches everything that surrounds him turn fake and plastic and puts his energy only into his music, coasting on the rest. the days are less exciting than when he first joined the band at fifteen; he’s a solo artist, now, and most of the time, he’s just trying to get through.

but chaos continues to follow him and eventually his notoriety is inescapable. his first solo album is self-titled and he somehow manages to get a trademark on the word raleigh, as if the name is now more his than anything that ever belonged to the state of north carolina, and part of him sort of expects the words stamped on his arm to change, once he hits one-hundred million followers on his social channels.

they never do, though, and when he’s alone, and the veneer he’s built up for everyone else fades away, he can’t help but to be fascinated by this person who just wants an answer to the question no one else would ever dare ask him.

iv.

college isn’t exactly the fresh start she was hoping it’d be.

she was a loser in high school and things don’t get much better for her even now that she’s with ‘her people’ at a performing arts university she can barely afford, even with two part-time jobs. 

shane is across the country at a proper state school with parties and a social life and lots of friends who aren’t her, and she’s failing her improv class, proving that she isn’t actually very funny at all. 

boys continue to not notice her and patrons in bars continue to turn away from her one-woman performance, her old acoustic guitar the only constant in a life that feels utterly, unbelievably pointless, most of the time.

it’s like she’s drifting through the days, putting her time in at college in the hopes that it’ll fortify her for what’s next -- her big break, the discovery that’ll get her out of that shitty small town she’s been trying to escape her entire life. she writes hundreds of songs about how lost she feels and hates every single one, dreaming of a time when things might be different and she doesn’t have to second-guess every single one of her decisions.

she doesn’t have much of a love life and tries not to think about that, either.

the person on the other side of those two words stuck on her collarbone is probably looking for someone self-confident, who knows who they are and is comfortable with that. they’re probably expecting to meet someone who has their life together, who, at the very least, has a plan.

they’re probably not expecting a talentless nobody screwup like her, someone who tries as hard as she can yet never seems to make anything work.

things don’t turn around after graduation, either. sure, she manages to find an apartment in a building that’s nice enough and uses the last of her savings on the deposit and trying to furnish it, but it’s only a few weeks of trying and failing to secure a regular paying gig performing before she’s back at smoothie star again, begging for her old job back.

and there’s nothing that makes her feel more like a failure than working the same shifts she had in high school. 

as she hums along to the radio on a random tuesday afternoon when the store is dead and there’s nothing to blend, she wonders what mr.-or-mrs. very funny would think if they walked in and saw her here -- twenty-three years old and flat broke, with a dead-end job and a one-bedroom apartment all she has to show for her very expensive and very useless bachelor’s degree.

that, and a notebook full of half-finished songs about relationships she could only ever dream about and an escape from the miserable small town she lives in that feels farther away with every day that passes.

she can’t imagine they’d be very impressed.

v.

raleigh’s life gets monotonous very quickly. the music takes a backseat to the scandals and for a while there’s a predictable pattern of cause trouble, clean up image, rinse and repeat.

there are girls in between the cycles to help him pass the time. some he likes well enough and some he despises, but for the most part his management gives their recommendations and he agrees and makes awkward conversation for an hour or two over brunch until it’s time to go trash something again.

things get particularly bad after one minor cruise ship hijacking incident. 

but in his defense, no one ever told him that breaking into the harbor and joy riding was a first-degree felony, worsened by the fact that he’d just so happened to crash the boat into the pier while he was trying to dock it. 

at least he’d been sober.

though a monumental fuck up like this felt sort of inevitable; everyone who knew him probably figured it was only a matter of time before he went too far. how could he not when he was always chasing the next high?

still, the image rehab tour that follows is far from what he’d call enjoyable. he has to cut off all his hair and play nice at industry parties and waste time standing around being seen at charity events he winds up just cutting checks for instead of helping out at.

on top of the miserable community service comes the pr bullshit his team so loves -- dozens of tv appearances back-to-back where he’s herded around all day like cattle, in and out of green rooms with crappy coffee and bad catering.

he has no idea that showing up to be a judge on one in a million is going to change his life. hungover and running late, he barely even makes it to the taping of the semi-finals, slinking inside the concert hall in middle-of-nowhere, usa with a headache and some choice words for whoever thought this was the best way to clean up his image.

fortunately, raleigh manages to make his way inside virtually unnoticed. his phone is buzzing angrily in his pocket -- undoubtedly his manager trying to encourage him to hair and makeup or some other absurdity -- but he ignores it in favor of ducking back behind the line near the auditorium doors, only barely catching the last few words of some catty confrontation between two contestants as he goes.

as one of the girls stomps away, he sees the other’s shoulders slump from behind. “guess i’m not making any friends,” she mutters.

it’s clearly said to no one -- not even to herself, really -- yet for some reason, he can’t stop himself from responding. “where i come from, that’s a good thing.”

the girl’s shoulders straighten, but she still doesn’t turn around. “i’m not trying to succeed at the cost of others.”

raleigh smirks, leaning back against the wall beside his guitar case. “you do realize you’re at a competition show, right?”

“of course, but...” her hair ruffles with what sounds like a huff. she’s still not facing him, staring off at where the other girl she’d been talking to had run away. “that doesn’t mean i’m not rooting for everyone here to share their music with the world.”

“what a sweet sentiment,” raleigh drawls sarcastically, almost feeling a little bad for her and her naivety. this poor girl is going to be eaten alive. “it won’t last.”

her body tenses, her shoulders tightening again. he can almost see smoke start to pour from her ears before she spins suddenly on her heel to face him. 

whatever sharp retort had been on the tip of her tongue gets swallowed with a blink as soon as their eyes meet. something like electricity crackles in the space between them, strengthening the invisible pull he’d felt when he first stopped behind her. instead, she only asks, “what’s your name?”

vi.

the man in front of her snorts. “very funny.”

a smile tugs at her lips. “very funny, that’s a weird name.” this is unlike her -- the quick comeback, the flirting. usually being face-to-face with a guy as good looking as the one talking to her now made her want to wither away and die, but something about the stranger standing before her sets her instantly at ease. “so, are you gonna tell me, or not?”

now it’s his turn to blink at her. a hand lifts to rub at his jaw. “huh. you really don’t know who i am, do you?”

cadence’s eyes narrow as she assess him. there is something vaguely familiar about that crooked grin, she’s sure of it. 

at the very least, it’s an excuse to stare at him, and she does, moving her eyes slowly over the tattoos poking out over his jacket collar, the line of stubble on his sharp jaw, the glint of mischief in his eyes.

her helpless gaping is interrupted by a sudden shrill scream. “oh. my. god! is that raleigh carrera?!”

everything clicks at once. as a wild group of girls corner him, she realizes where she’s seen that smile before -- on just about every tabloid cover known to man, plastered all over convenience stores and the internet with headlines about his latest bender. in fact, she’s pretty sure he was just in the news for something similar -- crashing a yacht or something else ridiculous like that, something that only someone as rich as raleigh carrera could have accomplished. 

then she realizes what he’d said to her, as soon as she’d turned to look him in the eyes. very funny. 

her heart stops. all she can do is stare wide-eyed at him as he dispels the girls clamoring for a selfie, snapping back to the present when he waves one large hand in front of her face. 

“sorry -- what?”

“i said, what’s your name? it only seems fair, now that you know mine, and all.”

“cadence,” she answers numbly, “i’m -- um, i’m used to your hair being longer.”

“cadence,” raleigh repeats, smiling at her, “so you do know who i am.”

“what do the magazines call you again? r&b’s time bomb? puerto rico’s hottest export? you’re kind of notorious.” she blinks at him, then admits, “i’ve heard your songs.”

“seen the tabloid covers too, eh?” the expression on his face suggests he’s almost proud of them.

this is surreal.

“didn’t you crash a yacht or something?” she asks, brain whirring into overdrive as she tries to process what’s happening. he doesn’t seem to have realized it yet, which gives her a moment to gather her thoughts, something that feels impossible when she can’t push the way he’d scoffed very funny out of her mind. 

“or something. insurance paid out a couple million in property damage, but...” raleigh trails off, brow suddenly furrowing. he stares at her silently for a beat too long, then slowly turns a dull red. “hey, what’d you say earlier, again?”

cadence wets her dry lips, trying not to panic. stay calm, she silently coaches herself. raleigh carrera is not your long-awaited soulmate and you are not doing this in line to audition for one in a million. “i said -- what’s your name? and then you said...”

oh god, this is happening. her teeth dig into her bottom lip as she fidgets with the neckline of her top, tugging it to the side so raleigh can see the two words on her collarbone. 

“very funny,” he mutters, “oh, jesus fucking christ. you can’t be serious.”

“me?” she demands, “you’re the one who --”

“next up,” calls a voice suddenly, cutting sharply through their argument, “contestant #9,276.”

her blood runs cold as she realizes that’s the number she’s wearing pinned to her shirt. she can feel herself start to sweat; how the fuck is she supposed to perform like this? she wants to throw up. why did this have to happen to her now? this was her shot -- her one fucking chance --

“hey, easy.” there’s suddenly two strong hands on either side of her shoulders, and she startles as raleigh stares at her from up close, closer than he was just a moment ago. “relax, okay? you’re gonna be fine. you’ve got this.”

“but --” she starts, then realizes her mind is racing too quickly to even articulate what she wants to say. she settles for shaking her head, eyes wide and panicked. “i can’t just -- oh my god, i’m going to throw up.”

“here,” raleigh directs, “take my guitar. prince gave it to me as a birthday present.”

prince?! she mouths hysterically to herself, as he flips the latch on his case open and pulls out the instrument. “how is this supposed to help me?”

“just trust me,” he says, giving her a gentle nudge towards the auditorium, “now go.”

she does, stumbling forward with the most expensive piece of equipment she’s ever held in her hands in her life alongside her, drawing in a deep breath as she makes her way onto the stage.

she can do this.

everything else will have to come after.

vii.

the thing is -- she’s talented. exceptionally so. 

he can tell she’s a little nervous, but maybe that’s just because he’s used to looking out for that sort of thing; he could probably recognize it more easily than the average person would. it probably has nothing to do with who they are, how he notices the nuances in her body language...

her belt is impressive. her voice is stunning, clear and uniquely melodic. his guitar looks spectacular in her hands, and cadence plays it like she’s been practicing on it her entire life. 

he tries his best to look nonchalant, feet kicked up onto the seat in front of him, but when she locks eyes with him from the stage he knows he hasn’t succeeded. raleigh’s breath catches, and he stares back at her, transfixed by the way her dainty hands cradle the neck of the guitar and strum the strings, how her lips purse around the long, emotional high note at the end of the song’s chorus.

she’s really very pretty. 

he’d probably be lying to himself if he said it doesn’t make him a little bit jealous and uncomfortable, watching how she and avery fawn over each other when she’s finished. he’s probably a much better suited match for her, clean cut and pristine as he is. 

he wonders if she’s disappointed that it’s him -- that it’s now, when she’s clearly on the cusp of something great all on her own.

it’s a lot to think about, and so he dips out of the auditorium before she finishes up, rushing outside with his heart pounding. it’s not until he’s halfway through the crumpled pack of cigarettes in his jacket pocket that raleigh starts to relax even an iota, and of course that’s when the stage door he’d left propped swings open wide and cadence’s sneakers hit the asphalt beside his boots.

“uh, you can’t just leave me with this thing,” she says, apropos of nothing, and as he stares at her he realizes she’s talking about his guitar, which she’s holding in one hand like it’s a dead fish. “this costs more than everything in my apartment combined, i’m sure.”

he shakes his head at her, laughing as his fingers flick ash from the cigarette he’s holding. “no way -- you should keep it. you two looked perfect together.”

she hesitates, looking down at the instrument again. he can see in her eyes that she’s torn; it’s obvious she knows the right thing to do is to refuse a generous gift from a stranger, but she wants to keep it, and already his mind is racing as he considers what else he could give her that would excite her like that -- a private flight, a tour of his penthouse, a million dollars. 

“are you sure?” cadence asks, without looking at him, and the hesitancy in her voice makes him realize how unsure she really is. she’s the one who’s wondering if he’s disappointed in her.

he licks his suddenly dry lips and drops what’s left of his cigarette to the ground, finding he doesn’t actually need the rest of it, anymore. “positive.”

viii.

they don’t actually get to spend a lot of time together, while she’s filming. she has to focus and it seems like she’s always busy, somehow -- not that she sees raleigh very often in the first place.

the days are spent rehearsing with avery and cramming in as much mentoring as possible, and when she can pull herself away from fiona’s lessons on image to get home at a reasonable hour she collapses into bed pretty much immediately, out like a light from the whirlwind of the day and hardly even aware enough to dream.

but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t think about him. she does, especially on the rare occasions she manages to catch a glimpse of raleigh walking around in the studio, or on one memorable evening she stays late in the auditorium to bang on the piano keys of the beautiful, enviable baby grand on set and startles to find him leaning in the doorway, watching her play.

it’s all a blur and wildly difficult to process; just when she thinks she has a grip on things she remembers the private moments she’s had with raleigh and her emotions tumble to pieces again as she lets the weight of the implications of what’s going on between them crush her completely.

one moment sticks out on her as being particularly worrisome, insofar as how it bodes for the rest of her life. 

it feels like something significant from the moment raleigh offers to help her warm up; they’ve hardly had a moment alone together in days and she still has absolutely no idea how she’s supposed to talk to him or what she should say, but for some reason the conversation flows easily and she hardly has to think about the (no doubt incredibly stupid-sounding) words coming out of her mouth.

“you’re going to kill it,” raleigh says finally, once they’ve worked through all the exercises in his arsenal, “you really don’t need my help.”

never in her wildest dreams did she ever imagine someone like him would say something like that to her. “you think?”

“i know it,” he answers confidently, shrugging his shoulders like it’s that simple. “and you should, too.”

there’s a moment of silence where they just stand there staring at each other, ignoring the restless murmuring of the crowd outside that’s waiting for him to slip into his seat at the judge’s table. she’s effortlessly lost in raleigh’s eyes, so fixated on the intensity of his gaze that she doesn’t realize he’s leaning in closer until it’s too late.

“insurance policy,” he mutters, before he kisses her, hands cupping her face gently. 

for a split second, she stands frozen, shocked totally still. then, her brain reboots enough to propel her into motion, and cadence gets with the program enough to wind her arms around raleigh’s waist and pull him closer and kiss him back, until her heart’s lurched up into the throat she’d just been warming up, pounding relentlessly.

they make out until the roar of the crowd is deafening -- until it’s impossible not to acknowledge it any longer. 

of course raleigh’s a life-ruiningly good kisser. why wouldn’t he be? why should any of this be easy?

it’s only a few simple touches, but raleigh’s mouth leaves her dizzy and lightheaded when she’s supposed to be concentrating on performing, and, independently of the way she’s blinking at him in stupid shock, cadence already knows she’ll never be able to kiss anyone else ever again without thinking about him.

“i have to get out there,” she gasps between desperate presses of their lips against each other, grasping ineffectively at his clothes while his fingers tug her hair out of shape.

“be late,” he suggests, “it always works for me.” 

but she’s not him. she’s not like him -- they have nothing in common. they come from different worlds; they’re two completely opposite people.

and yet every minute with raleigh is like coming up for air after being underwater for years, like the knots of guilt and shame and awkward embarrassment she’s carried around for her entire life without understanding why she has them are slowly starting to undo themselves, unlaced by his careful fingers.

they make it out there. eventually.

before she knows it, confetti’s raining down from the ceiling and falling all over her, and she locks eyes with raleigh from across the room to find his lips pulled into a genuinely affectionate grin -- lips that she’d just kissed for the first time a fucking hour ago and, seriously, what is her life now -- his eyes bright and excited. 

things just keep getting weirder and weirder, but the way they’re beaming at each other like idiots in a room full of thousands, broadcast on national television, too, makes her think things might be pretty great, too.

ix.

it sort of takes them a long time to getting around to talking about it -- the soulmate thing.

it’s not that he doesn’t try. he does, but she’s got a lot going on, these days: a big move and a new record deal and days filled with songwriting and nights out being seen. he’s still on his image cleanup tour, while she’s at it, so his fake smile stays fixed on his face throughout another boring week of restaurant openings and charity events and talkshow appearances before he finally gets the chance to spend some time with her again.

they text here and there, but nothing pans out until the stars align and they manage to slip out of the back door of a nightclub unnoticed together after a night of dancing too close for the comfort of her publicist while avery and the others cause a commotion at the front entrance to distract the press.

she goes back to his penthouse with him. he can’t remember the last time he brought a girl back to his apartment just to talk, and especially not one who spent the better part of the evening in a sparkly minidress grinding against him. 

but here they are.

“so -- how’s the city treating you?” raleigh asks, pouring them both a drink he doesn’t want from the bar cart in the corner of the room for something to do with his hands.

cadence shrugs from where she’s perched on the edge of his sofa, tugging at the hem of her dress. “good, i guess. it’s honestly all kind of overwhelming.”

“yeah,” he nods, passing her one of the glasses in his hands and taking a seat on the ottoman in front of her, close enough to see her face in perfect clarity but still maintaining a distance that he hopes is respectful. “i know what you mean. when i first came here after joining sunset skatepark everything felt so... huge.”

“totally,” cadence answers quickly, nodding in a way that’s almost aggressive. “i mean, there’s so much pressure to deliver an album right away, but i want it to be perfect, and the studio is so different from, like, writing songs in my room at home, and i... i guess i feel kind of homesick, but -- not for my hometown. i hated that place.” there’s hesitancy in her gaze when she asks, “do you know what i mean?”

“yeah,” raleigh says again stupidly, because the truth is -- he knows exactly what she means. cadence has just articulated something he could never quite put into words better than he’d even thought the sentiments to himself. “it’s like... nostalgia for something you don’t even want.”

“exactly,” she breathes emphatically, and then they’re kissing again, and she’s in his lap on the ottoman and he definitely brought her here to talk, for sure, but is it really so terrible if they get a little sidetracked on the way to their destination?

well -- they wind up making out for hours. so, there’s that.

it’s not part of the plan but it’s a hell of a side quest, memorizing the shape and feel of her with his hands while her lips pull every last bit of breath from his lungs, until he’s lightheaded and dizzy in a way no other girl has ever made him, before. it’s to the point where when he finally finds it within himself to push her away, he’s uncharacteristically nervous -- something that’s never happened to him before, not even on the night he lost his virginity.

“i really did ask you over to talk,” he says, voice hoarse.

cadence licks her lips and then beams at him, eyes sparkling. “i know.” she shuffles delicately back onto the couch, lingering in his lap for only a moment before pulling away entirely. he stuffs his hands under his thighs to stop himself from reaching out for her again. “sorry i haven’t been around more.”

“you don’t have to apologize.” raleigh shakes his head. “i should be apologizing to you, i feel like... i should be the one who’s around, to help you with all of this. or at least -- i want to be. i don’t know if i’ll be any good at it.” 

he blinks, surprised by his own honesty. he hadn’t meant to say all of that, but the words came up before he was cognizant of them and now they’re out there, and there’s no taking them back -- especially with the way she’s looking at him, all soft and sweet and happy.

“well, you don’t have to be good at it,” cadence murmurs, reaching out for his wrists and tugging his hands free so she can interlock their fingers effortlessly. they fit together like puzzle pieces. “you just have to be you.”

x.

her budding relationship with one of the biggest names in r&b doesn’t have much time to bud at all before it’s rudely plucked from the plant and stepped on.

she finds herself blinking at fiona in confusion as the words take some time to process. “you want me to do what?”

xi.

raleigh balks at his manager, shaking his head emphatically. “no,” he spits out, “absolutely not.”

xii.

“cadence, it’s not a big deal,” fiona tells her, very nearly rolling her eyes. “everyone does it. you go on a few dates, play up the relationship for some photos, social media eats it up -- boom, you’re a star.”

“i don’t know,” she answers hesitantly, mind drifting back to the photographers that have already been following her around, screaming about avery when she ducks into the car with him. things with raleigh are... new, and complicated, and do they really need to add public scrutiny into the mix as well? “i just don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“it’s a great idea,” fiona sighs, shaking her head. “all our focus groups agree. the label thinks it’s best, what with your single taking so long to put out.” she opens her mouth to protest -- it’s not like she’s dragging her feet on purpose -- but barely has a second to get a word out before fiona continues, “besides, raleigh does this all the time.”

her teeth bite at her bottom lip uncertainly. “he does?”

“of course. chantal clearwater? she was a pictagram model when they met, and now she’s opening shows at paris fashion week. it’s just business.”

it’s not, though. it could never be just anything, for reasons no one else knows about except the two of them, for reasons she’ll never tell. “well... what did raleigh say about it?”

xiii.

“i said no, frank.” he’s annoyed, now, and his manager knows it, raleigh’s arms folded across his chest and his eyes set into a glare. “n. o. no.”

“and i hear you, but is it really the end of the world? she’s exactly what we’re going for, and i know you already get along --”

“which is exactly why i don’t want to do this. so pick someone else. anyone else.” he’s not going to let his label turn her into one of the girls he has to be seen with for fake photos and mutually beneficial positive press. 

for so many years, he’s watched people fake feelings and use each other -- willingly participated in the using himself, too, more times than he can count. he never cared about any of it before.

but being with cadence doesn’t feel fake, and he doesn’t ever want it to. and he knows that if he agrees to this, everything he enjoys about spending time with her will disappear in favor of the ugly, plastic decay that’s eaten away at so many of his personal and professional relationships before. organic, genuine time with her will become strolls near celebrity hotspots, angling just right to help the cameras get the perfect shot. he’ll show up to support her at shows because her publicist called him, and their time together will become some manufactured narrative meant to push their labels’ agenda, until six months down the line they don’t even recognize themselves or what might’ve been if they’d done things a different way.

“look, there isn’t anyone else. her team’s already agreed to it, and i’ve got brunch set up for sunday. all you have to do is play nice for two fucking months, raleigh. is that so impossible for you?”

yes. already he feels a deep-seated desire to go somewhere and break something, to tear through the flower beds in central park with his motorcycle and wink at the cameras when they catch up to him.

instead, he storms out of the office he’s in, and into the sunlight, tugging the hood on his jacket up and melting into the crowd on the corner so he can be as anonymous as possible when he picks up his phone and calls cadence.

“hey raleigh,” she chirps as soon as she picks up, sounding far too cheerful for someone who’s likely had an equally as miserable early morning meeting on a friday. “guessing you heard the news?”

“can’t i just call you to say hi?” he grumbles, ducking his head as he strolls through the intersection with the mob of people crowded along fifth ave, turning down the next side street so he’s alone again, with no one following, just like that. 

“well, you can,” she teases, and some of the anger he’s carrying around with him fades, dissipating into nothing and evaporating like smoke. “but you’re not.”

“no, i’m not,” he agrees with a sigh, shaking his head. “you sound surprisingly cool with it, though.”

“should i not be?” cadence laughs, but he can detect a thread of nervousness in her tone. “i already want to hang out with you. we have the same friends and work in the same industry. we’re... probably going to go on dates anyway, so... how hard can this be?”

god. she has absolutely no idea. part of him thinks it’d be cruel to burst her bubble, but he should warn her, shouldn’t he? 

she sounds so optimistic about it, though. it’s hard to feel anything but hopeful when her voice turns up like that at the end. in the back of his mind, there’s a voice that’s not his suggesting maybe this time, things will be different. 

surely he knows better than to think something as ridiculous as that, though, right? 

“well, i guess it’ll be interesting, at least,” he muses, slowing his steps by the entrance to the subway. 

he’s going to lose his signal just as soon as he heads underground, and he’s not quite ready for that, yet.

xiv.

time with raleigh flies by. 

it doesn’t feel like they’re fake-dating -- they do everything she hopes he’d want to do with her anyway, like go out to eat at fancy restaurants and take walks through the park and bounce melodies for songs off of each other, facetiming late at night from their apartments or on the days he visits her and micah in the studio. 

he’s by her side for the release of her first single, and her first music video, and through it all, raleigh plays the role of the doting partner perfectly, holding her purse on the red carpet and feeding her paella at a strategically-placed outdoor table and fetching her coffee order when she’s too busy to stop writing for even just five minutes.

in the blink of an eye, it’s time to put out her album -- just like that. 

raleigh’s perfectly charming through that process, too. he shows up on time, says all the right things, and keeps a drink in her hand all evening long, so that when she’s finally done making the rounds and can enjoy herself after the entertainment and the networking and the schmoozing she’s giggly and touchy, doing her best to steal him away from the crowd.

“what were your other relationships like?” she asks, half expecting him to brush her off, though he’s always indulged her before. they’ve never really gotten this personal. “fake or... otherwise.”

“they’ve all been fake,” he shrugs, “and i can say with confidence that you’re the best one i’ve ever had.”

“really?” cadence smiles, chin propped up on her hand as she leans over the bar. “be honest. what did you really think, when you realized it was me?”

“what?” he asks, pushing the empty rocks glass in his hands around on the bar top, “you mean this thing?” he gestures at his arm, covered in expensive, custom tom ford, and the tattoo laying innocently beneath it.

“uh huh,” she confirms, “‘cause i was totally like oh shit.”

raleigh laughs, loud and wild, the sound swallowed up by the noise of the party around them. no one nearby is paying them even an ounce of attention, and it’s fun, to be anonymous at her own party, invisible to everyone in the room except for him. “i can imagine. i wouldn’t want to be stuck with me either.”

cadence shakes her head -- that’s not what she’d meant. but before she can protest, he rolls his glass between his palms and thoughtfully continues, “i guess i was a little surprised. it felt like i’d been waiting forever to meet you, so part of me was like, fuck, we’re doing this now? and i never thought it’d be someone so...”

“boring?” she suggests, eyebrows arching when raleigh’s expression immediately twists into one of disagreement, his nose scrunching up with distaste.

“no,” he huffs, “so... good, i guess.” she stares at him as he reaches for one of the waiting tequila shots on the bar, pulling it away from the line he’d set up for the crowd he’d been with before she’d tugged him to the side to talk, leaving the drinks untouched. raleigh knocks the shot back -- no salt, no lime. he’s had twice as many drinks as she has, and she’s definitely feeling them -- she has no idea how he’s even still upright, no worse for wear other than a few slurred words here and there. “but you just are. it’s like every song i’ve ever written was about you, and i just didn’t know it yet.”

the noise of the party fades in favor of the pounding of her heart, loud like a kick drum in her ears. she bites her lip and stares at him, watching as raleigh shakes his head at himself, dazed. “you okay?” she asks quietly, leaning in a little across the bar. 

raleigh’s quiet for so long she has to wonder whether or not he actually heard her. just as she clears her throat and opens her mouth to repeat herself even louder, he nods, reaching across the bar and squeezing her hand before dragging her back over to the line of tequila shots waiting for them to enjoy.

the night is a blur after that, and there’s patches of the evening that are fuzzy in her memory the next morning, but she knows she’ll never forget the gentle kiss goodnight raleigh gives her when he helps her stumble into the car back to her apartment at dawn.

xv. 

things go really well, until they don’t. 

they have a blissful six months together with more fun than he’s ever had with anyone. slowly, he learns every single thing about cadence and returns her openness with honesty of his own -- honesty that feels strange and unfamiliar but weirdly thrilling, in a way, made easier every time one of his stories pulls a laugh or smile from her. 

it seems unnatural, having a honeymoon period that goes on for so long. in the entire time they’re dating, he doesn’t destroy a single thing -- doesn’t even want to, which is the weirdest part of it all. 

there are some moments that catch him completely off guard. more than a few times, he hardly even recognizes himself, she turns him into such a different person. 

he doesn’t hate it, though -- just the opposite, in fact. raleigh realizes he’s really starting to like the carefree, far from jaded person he is when he’s with her, though it only hits him for real when he’s watching her storm away from him on liberty island, eyes fixed on the angry sway of her hips.

he stews on it on the long ride back to his penthouse; the game had, admittedly, been starting to wear on him. but he’d gone along with it because it was supposed to benefit her -- he’d agreed to the stupid public breakup and following the rules and not seeing cadence in public for the foreseeable future because it was what she wanted, and -- frankly, it felt like a stupid fucking decision.

not that it lasts long. he starts texting her just as soon as he’s done washing electralite out of his hair and doesn’t make it more than twenty minutes when they first see each other again at the moda gala before he’s sneaking off with her, ducking under the velvet rope that demarcates the planetarium as ‘off limits’ with her hand tucked neatly in his.

“maybe this is better,” cadence muses between sips of her drink, her eyes on one of the stupid glass exhibits he couldn’t possibly care less about. “now we can just be together -- no pressure. our relationship is ours again.”

their relationship. is that what this is? they’ve spent a lot of time talking about who they are and what they like and don’t like, kissing and touching and holding hands. throughout it all, he’s done his best not to buy into the ‘soulmate’ bullshit too heavily, but over the last few months it’s been hard to deny that there’s a reason he was meant to meet her, that she’s been changing him from the inside out.

“what’s on your mind?” she asks, turning towards him with an open look of genuine curiosity on her face, like she really wants to know. 

“it’s nothing,” raleigh answers at first, reflexively, like he has so many times before. no one has ever really wanted to know. but cadence’s eyebrows arch, and she waits, patiently silent, and then the words tumble out of him. “it’s just that -- my whole life, i’ve watched other people use each other. so many people are just interested in the concept of celebrity status. so i played the game. never trusting anyone.” 

he shrugs. a hand lifts to rub his jaw, and he looks back to meet her gaze just in time to see the little smile playing at her lips, like she already knows what he’s about to say. “but it’s different, with you. you make me not want to be that person anymore. when i’m with you, it’s the only time i feel anything real.”

“raleigh,” she murmurs, her expression flickering before her face does something that cracks his chest wide open. her eyes go all shiny and sparkly and her cheeks crease with a grin, and the way she laughs is so ridiculously joyful the hand he has stuffed in his pocket curls into a fist to stop him from doing something stupid. “i feel the same way. i just... this whole thing, i know it doesn’t always -- work out, but... with you i really want it to. i’ve never felt this way before about anyone, and i think...” 

there’s a pause as her lips purse thoughtfully, and then she says the words that make it impossible for him to do anything but close the distance between them and kiss her over and over again: “i think even without this tattoo it’d be you, anytime, anywhere.”

xvi.

being raleigh carrera’s (real, confirmed, 100%-authentic) girlfriend feels almost too good to be true.

raleigh is... everything she never knew she wanted in a boyfriend, wrapped up into one tall, dark and handsome package, with a loud, goofy laugh and a deep, sexy voice that sends a shiver down her spine whenever his mouth so much as lingers near her ear for too long. 

it turns out that, despite their differing status in the industry and her initial assumptions that they came from two completely different worlds, they’re actually on the same page about pretty much everything. she finds that the pressure of the word she’d held in such high regard for so long -- soulmate -- disappears entirely where he’s concerned because being with raleigh is just fun. 

there’s motorcycle rides and boat trips and hours up late talking about everything and nothing; facetime calls with his mom and shopping trips where the stores are kept open late for them so they can shop alone, in an empty boutique, like every teen movie she’d ever watched growing up.

there’s late nights in the studio and either of their apartments where they both noodle around on their guitars and improvise half-hearted duets, content to just work in the same orbit as each other for as long as possible.

raleigh’s texting one night on the couch in her living room when she plucks out the melody to who i’ll be on her old acoustic, sitting on the floor in front of the tv.

he looks up before the first verse is over. “what’s that one? it sounds good.”

“oh -- just a song i wrote in college,” cadence hums, already downplaying it as she lifts her shoulder in a shrug. “i got stuck, never finished it. ellis made me sell the progress for some other writer to finish.”

he frowns, pushing up onto his elbow. his phone is tossed carelessly somewhere among the couch cushions. “why?”

“because i was taking too long with the odyssey,” she sighs. “it was kind of my only option. it’s weird, though -- thinking about someone singing something that was so personal to me.”

“play me what you had so far,” he says, and so she does, hesitating for only a second before strumming the chords, singing the lines she had slowly. 

when she’s done, she looks up to find that raleigh’s slid to the edge of the couch, elbows on his knees as he leans in as close as he can get with the coffee table in his way. “okay -- that was beautiful. you should finish it.”

she shakes her head, setting her guitar down. “i can’t. they already sold it. and even if i wanted to... i don’t know how it ends.”

raleigh’s legs spread in invitation and she stands to walk around to the couch, slipping into his lap and leaning back against his chest. his hands are tender as he rubs them across her shoulders, sliding up her back before one lifts to brush a lock of hair back behind her ear, his pointer finger pushing her glasses up her nose affectionately. “maybe one day you can write something else with the same theme,” he suggests, and she tries her best to smile even though it feels like a dream lost, somehow -- a ridiculous thought, given that she pretty much has everything she ever wanted, but the way she feels all the same.

“maybe,” she sighs, the kiss he drops to her forehead a bandaid on a wound that’s been doing its best to heal for what feels like her entire life.

xvii.

he’s never brought a date to the vinyls before. 

there’s been plenty of after parties he’s stumbled out of with a girl on his arm, sure, but cadence is the first person to sit by his side during the ceremony, and he’s surprised by how much he likes having her next to him.

then again, he’s self aware enough to realize he’d like being pretty much anywhere, with her.

still -- the awards are a lot less boring with her around to kiss and stroke his hair and make snide commentary about the rest of the attendees with, and when she squeezes his hand goodbye to rush backstage and get ready for her performance he misses her instantly.

what happens next makes him endlessly regretful of the fact that he’s not backstage with her.

he rushes around just as soon as he can, pushing his way through security and frantically scrambling technical assistants to find her exactly where he thought he might, between ellis knight and fiona, looking lost with her head in her hands.

she seems equal parts broken and pissed in a way that tugs at his heartstrings and makes him a little bit proud. raleigh shoves through the crowd to get to her and slips an arm around her waist. he’s only caught the tail end of the conversation they’re all having, but he knows enough to know that “you can’t bench her. that’s bull.”

ultimately, though, it doesn’t matter how much they stomp their feet. she’s under contract, their hands are tied, and he walks away seething at the unfairness of it all, this shitty industry that’s turned on her when all she ever wanted to do was make music.

she cries in the car back to her apartment to pack her things. there’s no way he’s letting her go home to iowa or idaho or indiana without him, and he barks at his team over the phone until they agree to move his appearances around so he can make that happen, his free hand clasped tightly in hers until he physically has to let her go so she can unlock her front door with trembling fingers.

cadence tosses clothes haphazardly onto the bed and he silently and precisely moves to folds each piece for her, until she gives up and sinks down onto the edge of the mattress, defeated. 

wide eyes filled with tears lock onto his, and he watches her bottom lip wobble before she says, “you really don’t have to do this. come with me, i mean. i know i messed up, and -- you have so much else going on. i don’t expect you to --”

“i’m coming,” he states firmly, setting the sweatpants in his hand down and stepping closer to her, sitting beside cadence on her bed. “what happened tonight was fucked up, cadence -- it shouldn’t have happened at all. i’m not going to let you go through this alone.”

“but --”

“but nothing,” he says, and before the words have even left his mouth she’s falling into his arms with a soft sound of gratitude, mashing her face into his chest as she sniffles.

“thank you,” cadence mumbles, sounding so unsure of herself it makes him wonder if she’s ever had anyone show up for her when it mattered most before, or if that’s yet another thing they unfortunately have in common. 

xviii.

raleigh tries his best to cheer her up, but it’s still hard, feeling like she’s let the entire world down. her fans. herself.

there’s something embarrassing about showing raleigh her apartment back home and the person she was before she met him -- all the places she felt most uncertain and where she experienced some her worst self-doubt, the room that still has the smoothie star apron hung up in the closet.

but there’s also something exciting, about being totally off the grid with him. no one knows they’re here and there’s no paparazzi waiting to snap photos of them -- especially given the fact that they don’t leave her building for the first three days she spends moping around while raleigh orders all the takeout he can get his hands on.

it sort of reminds her of when they first met, and there was nothing to do but learn about each other, though now there’s a familiarity to him she relies on, a unique raleigh-ness that feels more like home than this shitty apartment ever did.

still, she struggles, and the weight of the world doesn’t let up until zadie shows up with her fanmail and avery does his best to make her smile with a beach trip and some fancy new toys and a day in the sun with a drink in her hand.

eventually it’s just her and raleigh again, out by the fire after everyone else has gone to bed. her stomach is full of s’mores and her cheeks hurt from smiling for the first time in weeks, and it’s a shock when she realizes she feels content, even after everything that’s happened -- almost as though things will all work out for the better no matter what happens next.

“oh my god,” she gasps suddenly, cutting off what raleigh had been saying as her eyes light up and she hastens to stand. “i’ve gotta -- i need to -- oh my god.”

just like that, she knows how her song ends.

recording it is a process, but raleigh calls in some favors and gets them studio time and agrees to be featured on the song even though she knows he’s still working through a sound change that he feels unsure about.

but it means a lot to her, having him crammed in the booth at her side, singing into the same mic. they sound almost unbelievably good together, too, raleigh’s harmonies on the words that finally resolve that lost feeling she’s been harboring her entire life making something deep within her wriggle up happily, wagging its proverbial tail.

the fact that raleigh remains by her side throughout the entire fight with her label, the long nights of despair agonizing over what her next move is going to be and even the moment where they decide to break into indio, of all places, means more to her than she can ever say. she feels markedly less nervous about the entire thing every time she turns her head to the side and sees him, right there next to her -- right where he’s been this entire time -- smiling encouragingly and squeezing her hand hard in his.

though it’s not until they’re up at the top of the ferris wheel that she realizes how precious what she has really is. it’s not until he looks her dead in the eye and says, with that same soft earnestness he’s awarded her since they first met at the one in a million auditions that feel quite literally like a hundred years ago, “cadence, everything you want is on the other side of fear. and i want you to have everything you want,” that she truly understands that’s what between them is special and rare.

not because of any tattoos, or any preconceived destiny. not because of who they are and their status and the fact that people take pictures of them when they’re out in public together.

but because of this -- all these real moments of genuine connection they’ve been fortunate enough to share since fate threw them into each other’s paths.

“raleigh, i love you.” the words are said easily, not a moment’s hesitation behind them. 

just before she crosses over in the cart to kiss him until they’re both breathless, raleigh gifts her the brightest smile he has and says, “i love you, too.”

xix.

the night is a blur from the moment he first takes the stage with his old bandmates to when he finally finds himself alone with cadence in a rundown old motel a few miles out from the festival in the desert.

he can’t recall ever being so happy, so of course he doesn’t remember every agonizing detail of the evening, though he does know he doesn’t feel the need to have a single beer with cadence around, twirling barefoot in the grass and giggling when she leads him up to the room they’ve borrowed.

afterwards, when they’re sitting on the roof together in the blanket they dragged off the bed, he reflects on the wild year they’ve had with her in his arms, fingertips tracing the delicate very funny scrawled across cadence’s collarbone.

he feels... free. completely liberated. like there’s absolutely nothing and no one that can get to him, now, like he’s untouchable, like he doesn’t care about a single thing that happens after today and how perfect things have been. 

“i think i’m actually freer than i’ve ever been,” he muses, where his lips are pressed into her hair, “i can take my sound in any direction i want.”

“i’m so happy for you, raleigh,” cadence returns genuinely, tilting her head back so he can see her upside-down smile. 

his arms tighten around her. “i’m so excited for what you’re gonna be doing, too. i’m excited for us.”

“yeah,” she sighs, “who knows what’s next, right? now that ellis let me out of my deal...”

he can hear the thread of worry undercutting the words. he shakes his head, hands rubbing up and down her arms. “you can worry about that tomorrow. for tonight, just enjoy the comeback. what you did out there was amazing.”

“what we did,” she corrects, and he blinks up the stars as he realizes she’s right -- they’re a we now. he’s part of a we again, after being on his own for so long.

the phrases bounce around in his head, unfamiliar and foreign. me and my girlfriend, he thinks to himself, cadence and i. we’re going to be late. we’ll be away that weekend. we just started watching that show. we, we, we. 

“what we did was amazing,” raleigh amends, the words slow to come out but feeling right all the same. “whatever we do next will be amazing.”

“absolutely,” cadence confirms, with conviction, like it’s something she believes wholeheartedly.

and though he has no idea what to expect or what it might be, a large part of him is inclined to agree with her -- she’s been right about everything else so far.

xx.

one year later, she’s finishing a set in berlin, the last stop on a sprawling european tour that had taken she, avery, micah and raleigh across the continent for dozens of performances to sold-out crowds of thousands screaming her lyrics back to her. 

if her contract with overknight had been a dream come true, signing to wilshere records is heaven incarnate. cadence’s trip through the u.k. with her new label is proof enough, and the chance to meet new fans with new stories to share that she could connect with is one she’s taken to with enthusiasm, the experience made all the sweeter by the fact that her favorite people get to be by her side throughout it all.

berlin’s crowd is one of the best, and she fully expects to end the tour on a high note, head banging to the last few notes of ‘knockout’ before raleigh’s planned entrance for the last song of the night, so they can sing the duet that’s closed out every show they’ve had on the tour together. 

when he struts out with his guitar, waving and grinning at the crowd, she can’t stop herself from smiling stupidly at him, just like she does every time she sees him join her on stage, every time she realizes that this is their life, that this is something they do every night, now.

though her grin falters when raleigh pauses in front of his microphone and asks, “berlin, do you mind if i talk a little bit before i start the song? no? cool, because i’ve got an important question to ask.”

her eyes widen. cadence’s mouth drops open and doesn’t close throughout the entire speech raleigh gives her, even though thousands of people in the crowd are filming every moment of her gaping like an idiot, snapping close-ups of her shocked face.

the arena practically vibrates with screams when he drops to his knee, popping the box in his hand open so she can see the giant diamond ring nestled inside of it. 

“so?” raleigh asks, and cadence can just barely hear him in her in-ears with the way her heart is beating frantically up into her throat, as wild as the crowd’s raging around them and then some. “whaddya say, babe? will you marry me?”

as if the answer could ever be anything but yes. she nods, laughing as she launches herself into his arm for a kiss that’s too grand to be given on stage, though that’s hardly going to stop her -- not tonight, at least. tonight, she’s okay with the whole world watching their every move, just one more time.

“oh, i don’t know if it’s going to fit,” raleigh jokes as the ring slides easily onto her left hand, amping up the theatrics for the fans still watching them avidly, even up in the cheap seats.

cadence rolls her eyes playfully at him. “very funny,” she praises, and the grin he offers her in return is so loving -- so knowing, with the secret that only the two of them share and every weird piece of their history included in it -- that it takes everything she has to shove him away so they can perform instead of dragging him down to the floor to kiss him over and over again.

clumsily, she flubs a few notes of love who i’ll be on her guitar. from across the stage, between the bridge and the chorus, raleigh jeers, “someone hasn’t learned to play with the extra weight on their left hand, yet, i see,” and when she flips him off while belting out the last lines of the verse, his raucous laughter is all the harmony the final few bars of the song needs. 

[sagemoderocklee]

2020 has been a weird fucking year, to put it mildly. There have been a lot of ups and downs, and with New Year’s Eve and the start of 2021 upon us, focusing on the ~positive~ seemed like a better way to end the year, and hopefully start 2021 feeling inspired and proud for overcoming this horrendous year.

For many people, it was difficult--even impossible--to get anything done this year (myself included), and that’s okay! But if you were able to make progress on writing projects, even if it was just one or even if it was just part of one, you should celebrate that! I wish I’d thought of this sooner and organized it better, but regardless I wanted to celebrate my own accomplishments with regards to my writing, and encourage others to do the same! I was going to tag people, but I’m not sure with it being 2 hours til midnight for me if that would feel like putting too much pressure on others, so if you want to do this too please do!

This wrap up is honestly just a self-indulgent look back on the works I’ve made and what I learned/gained from each, maybe what I don’t like about them, some totaling on what I did, and some resolutions for the next year. It’s silly, but I think it’s kinda fun and if you missed any of the things I have posted this year, you’ll find them here!

2020 Fic Wrap Up:

Kado: Parts II+III (COMPLETED)

Kado was started in September of 2019 for the @puregaalee​ summer event. This was a last minute thing that I started the day the prompt was due and managed to write the first part in about 6 hours while sitting in a cafe--remember that? Sitting in cafes? Man, I miss that. I hadn’t anticipated working on Kado, but I decided that I was going to finish it this year, and I’m honestly amazed that I did. This fic is sweet and fun, and surprisingly popular, though it isn’t my favorite of my works. However, it is a light, fluffy little romcom modern AU, and I learned a lot with it because despite my struggles with modern AUs and their horrible lack of political intrigue, this fic forced me to work within set parameters. I was only writing a 3 part story, and each part could only be 9 scenes long. For those unfamiliar, kado is another term for Ikebana, and in Ikebana there are specific elements to follow. Certain styles will only use three branches, some will use nine. So my goal was for the structural elements of the fic to mimic Ikebana. In doing this, I was able to do something I don’t usually do, which is keep this story more concise.

I’m still not sure how I personally feel about the ending, but I think endings are always a struggle, especially with something like this.

Gate of Dreaming (COMPLETED) 

This is a fic that I started last year, then left to sit untouched with only 2k words. Getting back into it was a bit difficult because I was writing something very different from my usual: stream of consciousness. This fic was very experimental for me not only because of the stream of consciousness, but also because of the changing tenses. This was another exercise--unexpected though it was--in brevity. With this particular story, it couldn’t be dragged on and on, because--despite the 100 year time span--the events take place within the Infinite Tsukuyomi. This was also the first time I’d worked from Lee’s PoV in quite some time, so that was fun because I do enjoy writing him, but usually write from Gaara’s PoV. This is definitely one of my favorites from this year, and since it had been sitting on the back burner for so long, I’m so excited that I could finally get it done.

Another one where the ending really wasn’t easy to achieve, but I did end up liking it more than I expected, and I think the best thing is that it’s open-ended which leaves room for others to guess at what the future holds.

It Eats Your Heart (WIP)

This was an unexpected fic for me in every way imaginable. Starting another fic? Making another modern AU? Tackling the horror genre? None of those were things I’d planned to do this year, but lo and behold, that’s just what I did. I really enjoy a good bit of horror, but it is NOT an easy genre to work within, and this fic has definitely been a push for me. But with it being such a push, the payoff is far more. Stepping out of my comfort zone is something I like doing, but I think this is the biggest step outside of that and I am so incredibly proud of how that first chapter turned out because of it. I was really able to surprise myself with this fic, and I am hoping to update the next chapter early on in the year.

Absolution (WIP)

This fic is probably the second oldest idea/longest unpublished fic I currently have up. Formerly a much longer title, the idea for this fic came to me in May of 2017 when a friend, @brianadoesotherjunk / @brianadoesart, posted a piece of GaaLee fanart that sparked inspiration. The fic took off, morphed into something much bigger than the one scene depicted by the art, and now 3 years later, the first part is up. Initially, this was meant to be a long shot, but after sitting with this for so long, I realized that I needed to split it up into 9 parts, which allowed me to use this for GaaLee bingo and finally publish it. Much of the first part was already written before this year, but I’d been quite stuck on it until now. This is actually probably one of my favorite GaaLee concepts to date. I remember back in the day, there weren’t a lot of different takes on getting Lee to Suna so he and Gaara could fall in love, so (at the risk of sounding cocky) I think that Lee as a nanny is rather inspired. I think with this fic, I pushed myself the hardest to get past the hurdle of writer’s block and accepted that publishing is probably the best way to motivate myself to keep going. The feedback for this fic has been really motivating, so I think I’m probably right about that.

I do think there are some parts in the middle or towards the end that could maybe use some tightening up, but I’m just happy to finally have this fic out in the world.

The Art of Love: Chapter 11 (WIP)

TAoL is such a ridiculous labor of love. The chapters for this fic are novellas in and of themselves, so each time I update it takes a lot of work to get them out. This fic is one of those like magnum opus type fics. I have put so much into it, and I’m honestly amazed that it’s only been up for 3 years because I’m approaching the halfway mark on it, and I don’t think I expected to be there by now. Despite being able to churn out 30k chapters, I have a hard time focusing on one thing and I often struggle with mental health related writer’s block, so big works are always sort of sporadic in their updates. 

This particular update of TAoL was definitely one of my favorites though. Initially, I didn’t plan to go the sort of dark fantasy rout that I did with Shikamaru, but I actually really love what I’ve done with him, though I worry others won’t be as into it or that the execution isn’t quite there. One thing I would like to work on with future chapters of TAoL, however, is maybe pairing things down a bit--though I’m not sure that’ll always be possible. The next chapter is a Naruto PoV chapter, though, so I expect that one to be a MUCH shorter chapter than the last three and should be able to get it out sometime next year.

Before I could publish this chapter, however, I did go through and make some big changes, which is something I often struggle with because of such long breaks in between working on certain projects. I will say, though, that TAoL continues to push me to greater heights as a writer, and I look forward to actually finishing this fic someday.

Thirteen Strokes: 1 + 2 (WIP)

Another unexpected fic this year, however, this one was actually an idea for about a year, unlike IEYH. This fic has really given me a lot of perspective on my own writing and world building, and has inspired me to sit down and really start committing the things I’ve developed to paper to create a cohesive view of Suna, Wind, and the shinobi world. This fic is meant to be a Romance. Like just full on Romance. I write a lot of tragedy and focus on a lot of darker themes in my writing, so while I don’t think of this as stepping outside of my comfort zone, it is very different from my usual, and a really nice change of pace. I think, in all honesty, it is one of my best works, and I do hope I can continue to deliver on the remaining 11 parts of this story.

if this were the last i felt you breathing (COMPLETED)

Ugh. This fic has been my enemy for 2 long years. I signed up for a Secret Santa exchange, and of course, I regretted doing it when I found that I was not motivated and, after the month of October where I was churning out fic after fic for GaaLee Bingo, that I was massively burned out. I wasn’t able to think past writer’s block, and so I ended up settling on dusting off an old, unfinished piece for my giftee, and I hope they can forgive me for not coming up with something brand new for them.

This fic was a struggle. Working so closely with the canon--following the Rescue Kazekage Arc as closely as I did for this fic--made this a much bigger challenge and this fic sat and sat and sat for two years, untouched and incomplete. I’m still not sure how I feel about it. I know it’s not my best work, but I am glad that this fic isn’t hanging over my head and that I was able to deliver something to my secret santa giftee.

My goal with this fic was to rewrite this particular arc from Lee’s PoV to give more depth to the arc and shift the emotional core of it away from Naruto. Naruto as a character has a lot of flaws that never get addressed, and one of the things that is consistently frustrating for me is the way the emotional core of the series rests on him in unrealistic and often superficial ways. Naruto hasn’t spoken to Gaara in three years, but I’m supposed to believe he’s this affected by Gaara’s kidnapping? Temari and Kankuro are right there! Lee is right there! I wanted to see that, so that’s what I set out to do, and ultimately I don’t think I fully succeeded, but I tried. I guess not everything can be a resounding success

---

This year I managed to do a lot more than I realized. New works, updates, and COMPLETED pieces?! I never would have thought, but staying home gave me more free time, and when I was too broke to work on costumes, writing fanfiction was something free I could do.

Total new works: 5 Total updates: 9 Total completed works: 3 Total words this year: 143,587

---

I have a lot of goals for the coming year, and I know I won’t make all of them, but that won’t stop me from trying.

2021 Writing Resolutions:

Reach 1million words (+238,073 words)

Finish IEYH

Finish Pearl-Filled Lungs

Update TAoL (Chapter 12 and 13)

Update Absolution

Update 13S

Update Find Me (Chapter 6)

Start the Ballad of the Dragon and the Phoenix

Start editing Alliance

Return to working on Honor Bound

Return to working on We Need Not Be Yellow Tulips