#(THIS IS NOT A GOOD THING. I AM MAKING FUN OF THE SECOND GUY.)
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Pumpkin Carving | Kimi Antonelli
requested? : yes!! ‘Heyyy. I had an ideas for spooktober. soooo maybe kimi or ollie with the reader and they need to carve a pumpkin (for a prema video for example) and both of them are just really bad at it and keep goofing around. Just like a little drabble. Thank youu <3’
summary : when you and kimi are paired together to carve a pumpkin for a prema video, things get a little out of hand
disclaimers : second pov (you/your), implied driver!reader, google translated italian
word count : 0.8k
a/n : thank you for the request! I am so sorry for the long wait, but I really loved this idea!! had a lot of fun writing this one!
“Oh you guys picked a bad pairing,” you said as you looked out at the Prema marketing team, who were adjusting the lighting and messing with the settings on the camera. On the table in front of you were two small pumpkins and a few different knives and spoons to use to carve them.
“No, we’re going to do great,” the curly-haired boy spoke from beside you, gently nudging your shoulder. You turned your head, giving him a doubtful look, which only generated laughs from behind the camera.
“Okay, you can start whenever,” a female voice from behind the camera told you, and so you two quickly went through introducing yourselves and what you guys were doing.
You started with grabbing one of the tiny carving knives, and pulling the small pumpkin closer, trying to carve around the stem so you could empty the inside, but it was proving to be a bit difficult. You glanced over to see Kimi on the same step as you, struggling to get the knife through the pumpkin. At one point, as you had nearly gotten the top off, Kimi began trying a new tactic of repeatedly stabbing the top of the pumpkin.
“Oh my god,” you exclaimed, scooting your chair further away from him. “You are about to lose knife privileges,” you added, watching with wide eyes as he absolutely murdered the top of the pumpkin. He somehow was able to take the top off though, and then turned to you with a smirk.
“See? My idea worked,” Kimi said, before his eyebrows furrowed together seeing you had moved to the very end of the table. “What are you doing over there? You're going to be out of frame,” he said, laughing as he reached over and pulled your chair back to where it was before.
“I do not want to be this close to you,” you said with a laugh as well. Eventually you had been able to remove the top from your pumpkin, and then grabbed one of the wide plastic spoons to try to scoop the insides out.
“This is so gross,” you said, turning your head away from the pumpkin, both the sight and smell making your stomach churn. You tried to scoop out some of the seeds, but the second the slimy insides touched your hand you gave up, pulling your hand out with a very disgusted look on your face.
“It’s not that bad y/n,” Kimi said, having already emptied a good portion of his pumpkin.
“No, this is so bad,” you said, looking around the table for something to wipe your hand off with, but couldn’t find anything. You turned to Kimi, not really thinking twice before using the sleeve of his Mercedes shirt to wipe your hand on.
Kimi’s eyes widened as he turned to you, although a wide smile was on his face. “You did not just do that,” he said, a devious look in his eyes, which made you realize that was definitely a bad idea.
“Kimi- don’t you dare,” you began, but it was too late. He had already grabbed a small handful of the pumpkin seeds from his pumpkin and smeared it on the sleeve of your shirt.
Your mouth dropped, eyes wide as he nearly doubled over in laughter at your reaction. Despite how disgusting you thought the inside of the pumpkin was, it didn’t stop you from reaching your hand into your pumpkin, grabbing a handful of the squishy seeds, and returning the favor as you smeared it along the front of his shirt, hiding the Mercedes logo.
“Oh, it’s on,” Kimi said, a laugh falling from his lips as you jumped from your seat, laughing with him as you pushed your chair between the two of you. That didn’t stop him from gently throwing a handful of the pumpkin at you, which hit you in the stomach.
From behind the camera, the entire marketing team was absolutely dying with laughter.
“Okay, that’s it,” you whispered under your breath, once again grabbing a small handful of the slimy seeds. A large smile was on your lips, however, energetic laughter matching Kimi’s as you chased him around the table. You stopped, with him on one end, you on the other, and leaned over the table, reaching your hand up and ran it through his dark curls.
Simultaneously, Kimi had reached his hand up, which had gone unnoticed by you, and rubbed pumpkin across your cheek.
Both of your eyes widened, your contagious laughter falling silent, although the marketing team was still laughing. Your eyes met, and the split second of disbelief quickly broke away into large smiles.
“I cannot believe you just did that,” you said, holding your hands up. “Truce?” you quickly asked, as Kimi bent his head down, shaking some of the pumpkin from his hair.
“Truce, piccolo diavolo,” Kimi said, sending a playful glare your way as he made his way back around the table. translation : little devil
“You are unbelievable,” you said with a smile as you both sat down to try and finish the video, although the likelihood of that was pretty low.
requests are open! please send some in!
dividers by @/bernardsbendystraws
#lildavewrites#kimi antonelli#formula one x reader#f1 x reader#formula one x you#f1 fanfic#f1 imagine#kimi antonelli x reader#f1 x female reader#f1 x y/n#formula one x y/n#andrea kimi antonelli
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I’m Not Your Fiancée, Ranma [a ranma saotome with fem!reader mini series] part two
warnings: anime/manga spoilers, slight canon divergence, very mild Akane bashing.
Hey guys and welcome back to the second episode in this mini series! It’s been a wild ride writing for this classic anime, and so far the Netflix remake has delivered in laughs, drama, and slow-burn romantic tension!
Thank you all so much for supporting this content, I honestly wasn’t expecting so much positive feedback from everyone or to have requests to join the taglist! 😊 Shout-out to my dear friend @deathmetalunicorn1 who helped me figure out a unique and fun way to write out this part, a journal entry from the one and only Nabiki Tendo!
So with that being said, sit back, relax, and watch for that bucket of cold water! :3
Part One
Who would have thought that Ranma Saotome would actually stand up for himself and spout off a subtle confession of love towards my little sister? Now, my dear Confidante, you may think he finally said it to Akane, and that the constant drama in my house would finally quiet down and there would be some peace, the likes of which hasn't happened since the pigtailed boy and his father came knocking on our door last year. Alas, that is not the case, because Ranma declared in the dojo that he wanted to have my adorable little [First Name] be the person he was engaged to rather than tolerate my sister once more.
Not that I blame him, really.
As much as I love Akane and the huge wade of bills I can bring home from selling photos of her at school, she can be a violent maniac whenever jealousy rears its ugly head and makes a big deal out of everything. Seriously, and I thought she was already a handful with her constant declarations of hating men, though I partially blame Kuno for that one, even if he is one of my best clients. Let me continue before I get off track. As the old saying goes, “time is money.” Naturally, Daddy and Mr. Saotome did not take the proclamation very well. It wasn’t even a minute before they stomped into the dojo and started yelling at him.
“Ranma, how could you?!” Daddy wailed as crocodile tears streamed down his face. “I know you and Akane love each other, that’s why you must go through with this engagement!”
“Boy, do you even know what you know what you are saying?!” Mr. Saotome bellowed. “Akane is your fiancee! It is your duty to marry her and carry on the school!”
Ranma scowled. “Oh, really? Do ya think she can even teach a student without flyin’ off the handle? An’ ya don’t have to be good at martial arts to run this place, anyway!” His hands hung by his sides, clenching and unclenching into tight fists. That’s usually a sign when he’s trying to reign in his own anger. “I told ya before that I didn’t come all the way here just so you can marry me off, but ya didn’t listen! So for once in your miserable old life, let me get a say in who I want to spend the rest of my life with!” He then turned to Daddy. “Mr. Tendo, I don’t love Akane. I mean…I did, or I thought I did, but all she does is get mad at me for things I didn’t do and make me try her cooking! She thinks I’m goin’ behind her back with Ukyo an’ Shampoo when they’re the ones who come onto me! What the heck am I supposed to do in that situation, anyway?!”
You could have just told them off, Ranma. But it’s your vow as a martial artist to never strike a girl. That’s how you’ve always been. As for [First Name]? Well, she was still on the floor, in shock at what she heard for a bit until she stood up and stepped in front of Ranma, shielding him from Daddy as his battle aura oozed into the dojo, changing my sweet dear Daddy into a demon version of himself, large head with a forked tongue and all that jazz.
“Dad, enough.” [First Name] said firmly. “Ranma has done nothing wrong. Ever since he’s been here, you’ve always blamed him for Akane’s unhappiness. I’m not saying he isn’t completely innocent, because sometimes it is his fault. But if what he’s saying is true, then we need to respect his decision. Mr. Saotome, I know you want to keep your promise to your old friend, but this engagement is something he didn’t want. It’s not what Akane wanted either, but everyone pushed them together. You perceived their loud shouting as adorable and believed they were a lovely couple.” [First Name] scoffed. “Don’t make me repeat myself, Father. Back. Off.”
Imagine my surprise when my easygoing little sister exerted her own battle aura into the dojo, something that rarely happens unless she’s extremely angered. I can do it, and so can Kasumi, but it’s like with [First Name]. Only when we’re really furious and that’s fine with me. I’d rather put my energy into making more money. Daddy also found it surprising, as he quickly redirected the conversation back to the problem.
“B-but the schools, sweetie! We must unite the schools before Mr. Saotome and I pass on! You know, the only way to accomplish that is through a betrothal!” I almost gagged at the sound of his whiny voice. Good grief, how pathetic.
“An engagement, not a business negotiation between two old friends?” [First Name] countered. “Where one of us manages the school, and Ranma and some other teachers can coach the students? Have you ever entertained that possibility?”
“Are you questioning our judgement, girl?!” Mr. Saotome snarled.
“I’m questioning your sanity!”
Naturally, I intervened before things got too messy. I told them all to calm down, and offered a solution: it’s obvious that Ranma does not want to get back with Akane, and he has expressed an interest in [First Name]. I had no interest in taking up bridal duties again. I’m pretty sure Kasumi still doesn’t like younger men, and has expressed little interest in dating either, at least that I know of. So, why not switch the engagement from Akane, and have [First Name] be his new fiancee? We’ll see how things go, and no pressuring them to do anything they weren’t ready for unless Daddy and Mr. Saotome want this arrangement to not work out because of their meddling. But my little sister’s earlier proposition wasn’t bad either, if things didn’t work out between Ranma and [First Name]. No one really gets engaged in high school anymore, and there are other ways to manage a martial arts school that didn’t involve marriage. I guess the reason Daddy never considered that idea is that he really wants one of us to marry his best friend’s son and retire. Mr. Saotome probably just wants to live comfortably for the rest of his life, so typical of the lazy panda man.
So, that’s where it stands now. Ranma and [First Name] have been engaged for over a week, and nothing’s really changed between them. Well, it’s more like they are still adjusting to these changes. Ranma is still weary of her, thinking my dear little sister is being nice and then will start acting like Akane as soon as [First Name] sees something she doesn’t like. Tut, tut, silly Ranma. But I’ll let him figure that out on his own, unless he pays the exclusive 10,000 yen consultation fee I offer and give an honest opinion. And [First Name]? Well, she still treats Ranma with respect, helps him with his homework, and doesn’t cling to him like Shampoo or Ukyo. In fact, if she has a club meeting, she insists he go home without her and she’ll be fine walking home at night.
[First Name] is too kind for her own good. Kasumi knows it too. She chided Ranma in the kitchen one evening when he came home without [First Name], saying it’s not a good idea to let a girl walk home by herself even if she says she will be okay. Ranma had the decency to look a little ashamed before shuffling back to the room he shared with Mr. Saotome to apparently get some homework done. Will wonders ever cease to happen in this house, my dear Confidante?
How is Akane taking this change? Not very well. She keeps insisting [First Name] can do better than a pervert, and things will only get worse. I beg to differ.
I already see that things around the house are much calmer. There’s been no fighting, no tables thrown, or Ranma flying across the neighborhood with bumps on his head. He may think we do not notice as soon as dinner is over, but he helps [First Name] with clearing the table or washing the dishes. One morning, I even saw him in the kitchen, getting her lunch out of the fridge and setting it next to her school bag so she didn’t forget it and eat at the cafeteria again. I was sure I wasn’t imagining it, sleep and caffeine deprived.
Everything will be fine. I’m sure of it. I can only hope that Shampoo or the other girls don’t get any funny ideas yet. [First Name] has said nothing about the engagement at school, and Akane just harrumphs and says she’s happy to no longer be engaged to a pervert anymore.
I want to write more, but it seems there’s someone knocking at my door. That’s strange. I wasn’t expecting any clients today. Will be back.
Later -
Unbelievable. Ranma Saotome has just left and made me richer after a lengthy consultation about where he could take [First Name] for their first date this Sunday. Mr. Saotome has been upset that he’s been neglecting [First Name] and somehow misconstrued it as a challenge, both as a martial artist and as a man. Honestly, it amazes me how can these people even be my family. Good luck little sister, you will need it.
Taglist: @djh4l0v3rv3r @silverklaus @alee24x @loverofyandereboys @akiqvq @the-dumber-scaramouche @stingywiththeirusername @mochinon-yah @gudaworks @danyzta
#an idyllic novelist#fem!reader#ranma 2024#ranma remake#ranma ½#ranma saotome x reader#ranma 1/2#mini series#ranma saotome
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Book 2 is done! And damn I forgot how good it is.
Okay before someone lights me up for my next statement, Path of Radiance and Radiant Dawn are some of the best video games written. Period. Not even on the same playing field as other Fire Emblem games in my opinion. And I think one of the reasons why book 2 of Heroes works as well as it does is because it’s taking notes from Path of Radiance. And guys, it’s so god damn fun. Surtr is such a good villain, Fjorm deserves to commit some murder as a treat, and every second Helbindi is on screen is absolute gold.
Hold on I gotta go off about Helbindi actually. He’s a type of character I wish we got more of in FEH as a whole. He purely has his own story going on and never has a real conversation with our protagonists. And it’s a perfect decision. The world feels so much more lived in as a result and it makes his situation all the more tragic. They could have helped him, but why would that conversation ever happen? It’s amazing. Not mentioning that every word out of his mouth is pure gold. Favorite line of the entire book is from him— “I know that you were hoping to be slaughtered by the best, so I crawled out of the depths of hell, just for you!” Like man. MAN. Fucking get it Helbindi.
If his chapter 12 part 3 conversation with Laegjarn (where she breaks the news that his sister is dead) was voice acted and/or given more expressive visuals, it might actually get me! Perhaps make me feel a feeling. Because it’s genuinely heartbreaking! We don’t need the on screen build up of his relationship with his sister for it to be so either. Between his actions and the narrative parallels drawn between himself and Laegjarn, we know. Man it’s really good.
You know who else was fun this book? Anna! Like genuinely! Trusting this lady with my life. She’s got a few scenes that become REALLY interesting in retrospect. First and foremost being, woah book 8 foreshadowing? In my book 2? Fascinating! If you can recall, in book 8 we learn that the Order’s initial purpose was a lot more shady. As in, might have been trained to do political assassinations type of shady. Anna specifically worked for, trains for, and might have actively been in charge while this was still the case. And there’s a line in book 2 chapter 5 part 1 where she says verbatim, “There’s a reason why I’m the commander! If I know one thing, it’s how to sneak a squad through enemy territory…” It is then this skill that makes the Order such a menace within a Múspell occupied Nilf. Despite their smaller size and disadvantage, finding and catching up to them is a genuine issue that Laegjarn has to put a lot of thought into effectively countering. She even likens it to a hunt. We can then assume this propensity for stealth is key to the Order’s survival against a majority of their encounters with divine forces. The problem is that I genuinely don’t recall if this ever gets highlighted again past this point. I don’t think it does, but man it would be so fun if it was. More build up to this reveal please it would be so neat. Anna backstory ever so slowly being ringed out of her over literal years would drive me insane in the best possible way.
I also enjoyed Fjorm a lot more than I thought I would? In recent years, she’s treated more like an anime waifu, for lack of a better way of putting it. And I’m personally not the biggest fan of it. But it turns out she is getting a bit of a Lucina treatment— it’s as if after Grima was defeated, Awakening kept going and Lucina, with her driving motivation gone, was given an arc about crushing really hard on Robin. It’s not a good follow up, but Fjorm in her original story and context is pretty fun! Like her a lot actually! I am so down with helping this girl kill Surtr. Sign me up bestie. Let’s go get you some vengeance.
I also love how her vengeance is framed? This very well might be some left over Fates trauma talking, but it bothers me when the anime war crimes game makes a big deal about how killing people is wrong. Of course it is and it theoretically could be an interesting thing to talk about. But, in order to convince an audience that our protagonists are moral paragons that can do no wrong, there’s sometimes an insistence that no one here is killing anybody. In the anime medieval fantasy war game. I vaguely remember feh itself trying to do something similar at some point in the future, but not with Fjorm. People are dying horribly in this book and Fjorm is killing people. Her quest to kill Surtr comes from a deeply wrathful place and is noticeably self destructive, but no one tries to talk her down. How could they? For multiple reasons, they simply cannot. The most that can be done is Sharena insisting that Fjorm rest before she keels over. Reading it now, I cannot shake the feeling that if there is a world where Fjorm cannot kill Surtr yet somehow survived, she becomes a problem. Hell, she probably becomes a similar monster to Líf.
…oh shit is that point? Oh damn I think that’s the point.
Man book 2 is good.
Truly the only thing dragging this down is the racial undertones, which do make me extremely uncomfortable! It’s the major reason why I don’t revisit book 2 more. Surtr and Helbindi’s designs and characters are fucking fantastic, but god damnit guys the stereotype being propagated here is really not good! Hell, while we’re here, Bruno is also part of this. It’s not screaming it on a visual level like the other two, but come on, the only dark skinned character in the cast at the time is also the one has a curse on a his blood that makes him violent? That’s not cute! Don’t do that!
It’s not really the hardest fix either. Sure, the best case scenario would have been getting a second pair of eyes on that before that was an inextricable part of the final product. But, be honest, would anything really be lost if Nifl’s royal family also had some melanin? Or even some of our main cast? It would mellow out those undertones, that’s for sure. Also darker skinned Hríd and Gunnthrá could be so fucking pretty you guys oh my god. Can you see my vision? The second I have some free time I am drawing that.
Anyway, the consensus is that book 2 is really good and should be way higher on my FEH book rankings. Definitely got some flaws, but it is a great ride from beginning to end.
Um. So. I may have gotten stressed and started transcribing FEH’s story mode. Might currently have all of book 1 written down. Perhaps a third of the way into book 2.
This started as a way to have the preface chapters handy since they’re not replayable. But then I looked on the FE wiki and saw that they only have a small fraction of the chapters written down. And that scared me, because means that my hyperfixation has a nonzero chance of becoming lost media if the app were to go down one day. So now I have all of book 1 in my back pocket, including the preface, two intermissions, and the two relevant xenologues. Once I’m further along and have a few more books accounted for, I have no problem making the document public. But until then I encourage others to also write some of its content down. Just in case, you know? Especially those prologues and Tempest Trials.
With that PSA out of the way, omg book 1 hi!!!! It’s been forever!!!!
Apparently, I haven’t reread book 1 in its entirety since I first played Heroes! I’ve gone back to look for specific scenes and replayed the levels on harder difficulties (self inflicted or otherwise), but I haven’t done a thorough second pass before. Which was news to me, because that meant I was consistently blindsided by scenes and characterization that I completely forgot about! Did any of you remember that Zacharias was apparently Alfonse and Sharena’s childhood friend? I didn’t! But there it is, chapter 7 part 5 after battle cutscene, Anna specifies that aspect of their relationship. That’s crazy! How does the timeline even line up on that??? If he spent his childhood in Askr, how did he manage to have a strong relationship with his significantly younger sister? How did he find himself rubbing shoulders with enemy royalty? Could he have inadvertently met Peony? I’m not changing my takes on his character, but I would love to know.
Speaking of character, apparently seven years spent writing a character naturally changes how they sound! Who would have thought. It made seeing the book 1 versions of our Askr trio a little jarring, but in an oddly nostalgic way! This was a phase of the game where the story, its characters, and its world existed with the singular purpose of introducing new players to what Heroes was trying to do. Which was, at the time, being a cute yet unobtrusive gacha app tie in with simplified FE mechanics to give you that gameplay fix on the go. And to its credit, it does do a good job of this! It ain’t a masterpiece, but I was charmed by its emphasis on showing off all these cool characters you could go summon. Ryoma gets to talk for a few lines and you are going to look at his very pretty art! But that meant that the world and characters of Zenith take a bit of a backseat. They’re not here to be too complicated. The Order of Heroes are the friendly faces that go on adventures and meet these heroes that you can summon for only $19.99. But we all know where the game and its story is going to go from here. That emphasis is going to wane as FEH grows into its own identity (and also earn IntSys over $1 billion worldwide).
But that’s a later development. Before that fundamental shift is where book 1 sits. It’s in this fascinating position where these characters have yet to solidify into their recognizable forms. And if you don’t believe me, chapter 9 part 4 has a scene where Sharena and Alfonse’s roles have reversed. For once, Sharena is posing the cautionary “what if the information we are getting from this total stranger is a trap?”, to which Alfonse responds “nah I’m getting a vibe that it’s fine and that we should believe him whole heartedly.” Like??? Huh???? It’s Bruno, but still, that’s hilarious! Alfonse’s pragmatism bordering on paranoia hasn’t established itself as a massive driver of his character yet. Nor has Sharena’s role as trusting emotional core and moral compass of the group. It was very easy to borderline Mandela Effect it into being there, but it isn’t. Not quite. There are hints, sure, but once again these characters were initially made to be simple at the time. The depth doesn’t quite exist yet.
It wasn’t until I was writing this very paragraph that it finally dawned on me why the Askr trio voice lines, especially Alfonse’s lines, are such a big deal. That's where Alfonse’s character arc with trusting Kiran resides. There's the pragmatism we know and love! It’s not super present in the text of book 1, but the depth of these characters can be found in the voice lines you unlock from building them and earning the crown jewel level 40 conversation. That’s where Alfonse’s arc with his self isolating behaviors crumbles at that sight of one silly tactician. That’s where Sharena finally wins a fight against her own loneliness by forming genuine friendship with this stranger form a strange land, who is appreciative of her loud eccentricities. That’s where Anna apologizes about her initial underestimation of Kiran, thanks them for being more reliable than she could have ever hoped for, and swears that whatever hell may come their way, they’re in this together. The books themselves don’t seem to reflect this characterization until book 2, where they overall act more in accordance with the rest of the narrative. It’s as if they're taking from the voiced lines’ example and extrapolating more on the story they imply.
The one standing in slight contrast to all this is Bruno, as he's the most interesting character in book 1. It's blaringly obvious he's Zacharias, but it's genuinely amusing how deep he is in his own gaslighting. He can't manipulate, mansplain, manwhore his way out of this one folks, but he's certainly going to try! His lies aren't even that good, but it honestly contributes to how at wits end he is. Like, sure honey, I totally believe you that you just killed Zacharias. I bet he has an eight-pack too. Just take a nap for two minutes. But then everyone believes him because our protagonists have yet meld their group braincell. Overall, an amusing time.
I don't have a particular point I'm trying to make with this one. Just having a fun and pointing out the things I've noticed. Might give a little update for every book I complete. However many that will be.
#I miss my wife (Helbindi) tails. I miss her a lot.#My goat. My guy. The absolute legend. Freaking love that guy.#feh#fire emblem heroes#fire emblem#Feh Ted Talk#feh Helbindi#feh Laegjarn#feh anna#feh fjorm#feh Surtr#feh bruno
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🍰 personwithbadgrades Follow
having objectively bad grades sucks because it impacts my ability to pursue my education . its hard to make progress in my degree when my college is breathing down my neck. this directly impacts my life, and my self esteem when people are weird about it
📖 guywith3.9gpa Follow
i feel the same way except i have a 3.9 gpa
#(THIS IS NOT A GOOD THING. I AM MAKING FUN OF THE SECOND GUY.)#text#fakeposting#do i have a tag for strawmenposting specifically
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Do you write fh (jy) fan fiction? If so is there a way I can read it? Thanks :>
I'll say I am writing fh fanfics! but its currently in my computer and nowhere else. maybe one day I'll get what I'm writing done and somewhere not my computer and I'll let folks know!
#not art#thats what the riz sheet I posted the other day was for lol. and there is a screencap of a bit of what I wrote under the cut there#thats the fic I wanna finish. but also its playing second fiddle to the comic rn. bc I Really wanna finish the comic#and honestly thats just how I work in general lol. I am a cartoonist first a human second and a prose writer mayybe third#I do write fics! but I do it in a very petulant way lol. I always say I wield this medium like a bat#a very selfish writer I am. well that somewhat extends to comics too but funnily enough theres kind of a limit on how selfish u can be#in a comic setting. bc u have to draw All That#it makes for a good filter for what ideas u Really think deserve to see the light of day tho. case in point the comic Im trying to#fuckign finish is thirty squares/panels things long. and Im Doing It. bc I love being right and I Really wanna do it#I guess inversely I do write fics in a very... filterless way lmao. I just type shit and its fun for me#honestly if I finish this fic I'd probs put it on tumblr first and then figuring out ao3 posting later#so straight up u guys might get first dib there. but well! comic first always. halfway thru! soon itll be done
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I don't like to follow bookstagram trends but I find one super interesting (it's definitely NOT reading a popular bookstagram book).
I'm currently working on creating a box to randomly pick the next book I read. I have hopes to lower my tbr, well with my erratic reading sessions and me ordering second hand books cause I can buy more, it's gonna be a harsh task. Also it's gonna helping me read the books I bought to step out my comfort zone and then I ignored them. But also books that are in my comfort zone but have been here for year. And since my apartment is very small, yet 1/3 books if I avoid the same book lot of time, I will get rid of it.
BUT
While crafting this at past 10pm in the middle of the working week cause I needed to do it now (didn't finish considering the numbers of unread books I read), I have been struck by a sudden illumination.
Maybe, and really maybe, it's a hypothesis, I could apply the jar stuff for the daily stuff I have to do, chores, administrative paperwork, everything a normal human adult has to do. Maybe I could pick a task to do every day and it feels less overwhelming. I definitely need to try it.
#misc#idk if it could apply to daily life#i mean i don't even know if it's gonna work for books#I'm only making the jar#and I have to see how it's working#but i honestly like the idea for task#it could maybe lower the pressure of thinking about everything at once and feeling overwhelmed#for books i know i'd like the unexpected part#(will be less fun when i pick a Stendhal book)#so hypothetically it could also help me#knowing i do one thing and that's good#and sometimes#when i do one thing i didn't plan#i am happy#AND I DO A SECOND THING#also lists absolutely don't work on me#it makes my anxiety even worse#so yeah not seeing everything at once might work better#also it's an excuse to buy a pretty box#what do you guys think?
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#(( ooc. ))#.... so#if youre wondering why ive been so absent lately. ots bc im dealing with stuff like that. on top of handling everytuing around the house#and additional super stressful family drama#health scares caused by stress#the works. i feel like im a constant state of mindfuckery and i have been since we moved#thoght things would improve after getting away from MIL but apparently not#ive been so exhausted and stressed and pain has bee. spiking so bad#im really trying to be here bc writing has always been a calming thing for me like a fun distracting hobby#to get my mind off irl things but everytime i open up a reply i start crying#bc the words arent there and im too tired to even tupe bc im running myself ragged#and on top of that im dealing with hubby and whatever the f is up with him and the weird#180s he does where 1 second hes the sweetest most attentive guy ive ever known and the 2nd#im crying and apologizing for doing sometjing weong and i dont even inderstand what i did but hes upset at me#and somethings suddenly my fault#or im begging him for help around the apartment or smth#idk. i am really trying to be here i swear i am. i miss you all. i miss the stories we're writing together#i miss by bbys and wanna weite with them bc theyve been loud and active but i iust cant type what i want to#a single paragraph is taking me hours to get out no joke#idk. sprry for dumping all this on the dash out of nowhere im just kinda flailing right now and offkilter#gonna head off to bed and see if an actual good nights sleep for the first time in a week helps with my brain and makes things make sense#hope you all have a goodnight. sorry again for this#negative tw#negativity tw#venting tw#personal tw
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Maaaaaaaaaaaan, come on.
(the post has ended up in the tags btw. I am not changing this and I need you to understand that it is just me talking to myself semi-publicly)
#Nevi Writes#things said by a guy writing a thing he doesn't even intend to be writing and it's like 10k of words now. >:[#while that's true I do want to emphasize that nobody should get excited about it right now tho okay#because like it's just. idk. I feel very much like it could end up not worth pursuing anyway. it's just a little baby wip.#(when the fuck did my little baby wips get to be 1/4-1/2 the length of my previous 'finished' stories!! what the hell)#it just feels nice to make words tho. and it does have that kind of 'ah good to catch up with these guys again' vibe which is nice.#even if the break has once again been like. on the order of days to a week maybe. I'm so bad at this taking a break business suddenly. lel.#but I don't have anything much to say about it at this point#other than I'm debating inventing a reason that presidential elections would have been moved by a couple of years between now and 2212#what is it with me and having to be so damn precise with dates in this whole narrative. am I just mad that Capcom never tries?#(yes) (so mad)#(and 2212 would actually be an election year is the problem. I want time to have passed but I also want there to be a pres. election.)#(it's fine don't worry about it)#(this is how I decided that Blucifer got bload up and then replaced also. weird reliance on mashing up IRL things and fictional explosions)#(but it's fun isn't it? got that veneer of verisimilitude. I'm good at long words)#idk this is inevitable isn't it. but I'm going to keep playing like it's not. I think I need a little more space for this one mentally.#the first one just sort of fell out of my head fully assembled and the second one did that also but with different vibes#though it did actually take some cutting things and adjusting things to make it work which Failure to Compile did not#Failure to Compile was bizarrely effortless until the mad editing dash. Outcome Unpredictable was WORK#fun work at least! but in hindsight it was definitely more work to make it flow properly.#the real job for the 3th if it happens is gonna be wrapping up threads without dropping new ones in bc that's such a habit of mine now
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re last answer: please don't stop, being very unhinged about these two pretty white boys is helping distract me from the sharks losing streak rn so bring it on
https://www.tumblr.com/bondedpairs/764566430180147200?source=share
(sideblog woes but there's the link for you) anyway in the vid they talk about going over to each other's houses to have dinner and things and while that is a delicious example of their codependence i love it bc through an rpf lens there is definitely some old man ******* going on. they can have the dilfs and each other.
(someone else mentioned kept boys which i could write an essay on but i fear being Perceived™️)
anyway if you have anything to add to this please do, if not ignore me and i will hide under a rock until the stress-related insanity has worn off and i am a functioning member of society once more 😂
- @bondedpairs
ty for the video!!! and please, WRITE THE KEPT BOYS ESSAYYYY i promise i will read it with my hands over my eyes if you don’t want to be perceived. do it scared!! do it anyway!! we’ll all love you for it!!!
#like. i don’t know how to explain how narratively aware will smith is to me. he knows he’s being put into the codependent rookies arc.#he’s aware that zeev buium transforms into a dog. he knows that he and mack aren’t getting together because mack’s gotta work it out first.#& in a less unhinged way i simply mean that will smith has an air of both self-conscious thought & projection i think is maybe fascinating.#but not in a way in which i actually know this or think that he thinks about himself and how he comes across. he just Is Something ????#the best way i can explain is one of my alltime favorite fics i use it like a shorthand citation bc i love it so much but catchascatchcan’s#many worlds universe but specifically the second tk/pat story second person you the ouroboros spits out its tale nolan walks off screen.#like that is the kind of narrative awareness i am trying to explain that no matter where i put him will smith knows he’s inside a story but#not in a way where he’s trying to do anything to it. he’s just present there. this makes no sense to me either please understand#liv in the replies#bondedpairs#happy to have brought you something in your times of woe!!! also hope things get a little less stressful for you!! <3#we’re 2gether p much 24/7” no go on i say in my nature documentary voice. watching them like bugs under a rock rn observing from a distance#this DID get me to actually watch the video. agreed with puckpocketed saying rich text and ur tags like. YES the daddy issues popped out.#just wants to make sure he’s having fun!! checking up!! mack the prime irritance in will’s life!! foisted off on one another w/ no choice#it’s like when your parents are friends so then you have to be friends with their kids in a way and then also like. you’re the only kids#close in age to each other but they’re NOT but it is definitely not like. i would choose you for any lifetime it is very will smith hockey#(once again) very aware he has to wait for mack to settle down. like now that i’m saying this i DO want clairvoyant will smith which is not#where it goes in the first half but just in the sense of like. those silly posts that are like ‘invested early in stock!’ & it’s a picture#of braden holtby & his beautiful bisexual wife brandi back when holts was a hipster who wore skinny scarves & now everyone thinks he’s sooo#like that but it’s will smith saying my god you are insufferable but you’ll be fantastic in five years. get in the fucking car.#(yes i am drawing extensively from the one picture where will has COMPLETELY tuned him out (there is a football reasoning reference here?#with the patriots? neonfretra drew this also but it was a tweet about the teams. there’s layers to this here ANYWAY) we’re building a life#i realize after the fact i addressed neither the dilf (gilf?) fucking here nor the content of the actual video & polycules to which i say:#brain scrampled egg. the burnsie/joe/patty/(pavs???) polycule just exists to me and the kids intersect the venn diagram but in a much#smaller portion than they intersect each other in both ways (will/mack joe/the guys)#also as for the content of the video. you’re gonna have to give me at LEAST (how long did it take me until i actually started posting tzjd?#i hate that this is my metric but it really was like. i see everyone yelling about them & i’m like ok. [please ignore the irrational hatred#i have for tz at the time it has to do with moritz seider and also whenever i see him on the ice something awakens in kill mode] and i DO#blame tzjd for my 800 drafts and it took me like. a good while before i finally went OH kay. i see it. okay i can get invested. horizon at#a 45 degree angle moon in the late waxing gibbous winds scented of orange & blowing S by SW from the vortex cycle etc etc ass conditions)
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yeah yeah i got recommended that Henry Cooldown analysis video whatever. i am still not over people comparing Henry to a medieval knight, NOT even taking the time to unpack that said mental image of a knight is 'mostly' associated with the British Monarchy*, an extension of its Empire that *checks notes* did a long list of atrocities like imperialism and colonialism, and also (multiple) genocides.
Henry is NOT British, he is Irish. Although considering the history of Ireland and how poorly the British Empire has treated them (amongst SO MANY OTHER COUNTRIES AND DIASPORAS), yeah it's NOT surprising that an Irish man like Henry is essentially forced to adopt quote on quote 'British sensibilities' to 'survive'. <- intentional imagery or not, the implications are not lost on me.
Like okay, calling out the comparison is cool but it sure would be nice if people went further to unpack what that means and implies in the long term. you know, like ACTUAL CRITICAL ANALYSIS?!
#I COULD do a whole essay about this. but i don't have the spoons to do so.#this is were i drop the big ball of information about me because fun fact! I am IRISH AND SCOTTISH. AND GREEK. so like.#so yeah i REALLY don't like the british#i hope in alternate universe i make youtube video essays about no more heroes and successfully argue how its about inter-generational traum#shallow rambles#nomoreposting#technically I was quite surprised by being recommended it. but looking at the comments i realised that their interpretation#is like the buy the books obvious surface level analysis of henry's character. not actually. thinking about the deeper things#behind his character. like. are we really going to ignore how his memories were wiped when he was adopted? okay.#to me henry is an example of someone finally confronting their trauma. how they cope is a whole other thing but henry is second#to jeane (the sister) that actually takes the time to confront the trauma although unfortunately this is mostly implied off-screen#travis BARELY acknowledges how fucked up it was for him and his siblings to be split apart and raised by different families#this got really fucking personal and i don't think anyone has actually cared enough to even consider the historical subtext#of these characters but that's just my take.#also i'm not fucking listening to a man explain to me what henry is. you know in a filmbro way. i have my own brain and interpretation and#that is all that matters to me. if you liked the guys video that's fine but honestly i am just not that interested in the essay.#you like henry for the rivalry trope. I like henry for other reasons that are open ended. we are NOT the same.#btw not EVERYTHING is about kill the past. it feels so reductive to ONLY analyse suda's work as a connected series#because it implies each one can't stand on their own merits!! that's NOT good analysis!! his work can stand on their own individually!#*about the whole knight and british monarchy thing there are other knights in other countries but unfortunately we only#think about knights in a VERY british-centric way. just thought to bring that up.#no i wont make a video essay about any of this i value my anonymity.#no i won't apologise for waking up and choosing violence today
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drew aang in sidewalk chalk this evening. turned out wayyy better than I feared while I worked LOL I kept starting with a color and then 15% of the way through what I'd hoped to use it for realizing I was halfway through it so I had to get creative... labeled it bc aj said the bottom cut off so straight across in a way that felt like it needed something lol. check bottom right corner for crayola chalk stubs size comparison btw
#aang#atla#avatar the last airbender#sidewalk chalk#the pink outline was such a good idea I was a little afraid it'd suck but. best ever#it was so fun guys I was hopping and crawling all over that thing#I'm gonna be so sore tomorrow though#I kept standing all the way up to get some distance and gauge my progress and next steps#and spending like 20 seconds recovering lol I got so dizzy#I'm not built for this at allll#but I may make it a habit it was so fun and fulfilling#it's so much bigger than what I usually do#it was really hard for that reason. but oh so gratifying#uhhh hmm am I missing any#avatar aang#avatar state#just for kicks#idk thats all I got
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Honestly a lot of my favorite horror ends up being games I 100% will never play and wouldn't enjoy playing, but that I managed to find someone who was able to convey enough to me to make me really care (though often leaving holes that I really want to fill but either can't sit through the whole playthough, or can't find the right playthrough, or... similar, you know?)
Dead Space, Marrow, Siren... all games I really like, games that have a lot (or uh... what's it called... Som... Sola... Signalis!)
But Dead Space I can't find the right playthrough, and Marrow I just crave something more from an imperfect game (video I watched is by doshdoshington)
Or supergreatfriend's playthrough of Siren is pretty much flawless... but... it's like 59 15-30mintue long videos, and the 60th explainer video is nearly 3 hours long on it's own... I always make it like 20 videos in before not being able to pay attention anymore
(Also like his playthrough of Deadly Premonition)
So you maybe see my problem, all these great pieces of horror I can really only engage with through these weird one off means that never quite leave me satisfied (like no way I'm beating MyHouse.WAD, I'm not even close to that good nor do I enjoy playing DOOM even if I respect it)
Love horror, just can't stand anything made in the genre because it all sucks and is boring and has stupid twists or pacing that annoys me and I hate everything about it except a few gems I can't interact with
But like I said, love horror
#mm tag so i can find things later#I'm just so so so so so so so so so so so so picky with horror#and it's not that my taste is objectively right; even though I am right about... mhh...#I'm right about things like shaky cam as a genre sucking not only cause of the way it's filmed but cause of the writing#but I'm not write about Saw being bland boring shit; that one's just a preference#like I know the first one's bold; and I'm not here to ruin other people's fun cause that's not an objective statement#but the difference is that the Saw movies might be well made and I can't tell; where as a lot of shaky cam are just trash#and oh how many movies have an interesting premise but have annoying 20 somethings#yes I would like to hear about Paris catacombs horror; and what a good title you have... why do your characters sound so annoying#first and foremost your characters must not annoy me#new Alien was good in part because only one character annoyed me; and while he got people killed he died#it's not that he deserved to die; but I was happy to be rid of him#and the original Alien is good because no one annoys me#that's not enough to make a movie good... but it sure is something that's probably true if I'm gonna like a horror movie#not based around something that could happen in the real world like a serial killer getting someone to let him spend the night#and people don't fucking annoy me... if you've done that... proceed and I'll take a look#but if you do the first one I'll take my leave without assessing your quality#and if you do the second one I won't even fucking watch you and if I do I'm almost certain to be bored and skip through you#conflict with the horror is so much more interesting to me than people being bitchy at each other#like Dead Space... that's different; unitoligists (for one thing; aren't a monolith; there's good people there) aren't catty#they're not annoying snippy little bitches who act like high schoolers#like yeah fuck that guy who made the regenerator both cause he's awful and cause that's a horrible enemy type#but at least he was just a crazy asshole with a civilized veneer and not an unstable 20 something that'll kill their friend with a rock#like you don't write all this stupid shit if you don't care about something#but I just have such trouble finding anything to enjoy in horror#love it though; really really do#oh add System Shock to the list of games I can't find a way to even get into; but really like and respect and wish I could
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I love my best friend. So much. I hate her brother. So much.
#HES SUCH A DOUCHBAG#HES ALWAYS SUPER FUCKIN MEAN TO ME SPECIFICALLY#literally i know its cause he knows im queer and shit too#hes got this thing where hes just this nice friendly funny dude to everyone. himbo type. big and friendly and dumb.#yeah hes not dumb. uses his stupid act to get away with being just a huge pile of shit as a person cause “well he just doesn't know better”#“hes just a dumb guy hell grow out of it”#he and a teacher bullied me for 3 months for standing up for myself in a bad situation. i was a minor being harassed and gaslit by-#an adult and he was his second in command. he repeatedly has disrespected me. bullied me. and done things on purpose to piss me off#acts like hes morally superior to other people for *checks notes* being a white dude with the#“n word pass” by which i mean he uses slurs casually#f slur n word r slur. you name it he says it.#at church (where the abusive situation with the teacher happened) hes just the nicest friendliest dude! everyone loves him!#at school hes some fun silly guy who makes jokes and shit#and to me specifically hes a huge fucking asshole who gets pissed at me for just fucking existing as i am.#uses manipulation tactics to get the high ground and seem morally superior for being an ass#says things that make people uncomfortable (like slurs) because he thinks hes better than them for not thinking homophobia racism etc exist#genuinely hes a sack of human shit. ive known this dude foe years to. genuinely the “nice guy” persona used to be real.#he used to just. be a good person. a good kid. but no. hes gotta be a huge fuckin asshole because#hes got beef with me for not going along with being treated like shit.#I FUCKING HATE HIM#feralscreaming
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hang on guys look away i don’t have a journal
#guy who is fundamentally out of place and lost Everywhere and always an outsider and observably different in a way that everyone can tell#I don’t think i was built for this (being a person)#and probably wasn’t supposed to live this long like i should be dead of something by now but i’m Not i’m still alive on accident#oh god created you perfectly. why would he create me like This clearly there was a factory defect. an error in my code.#and at no point will i ever be good or liked i will only be okay and tolerated for ever and ever!#i don’t think they should have let me out i should’ve been homeschooled with no internet and then shuttled off to a monastery age 18.#i’m not supposed to be out here with people i’m supposed to be in a room illuminating a manuscript alone and then dying age 24 of tb#like what in the world am i doing out here i’m just pretending like i’m a normal person in the world and being second place forever!!!!#lord what is my Deal like what’s the point of this (me). what was the thought process. let’s make a guy who is not fun to be around#and also not good at things in a way that matters. and not lovable on purpose. is there a reason for that or was i a mistake#in the name of the father son and the Holy Spirit amen and also sorry
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#yall I finally got some good fucking news#my grandma’s been in the hospital and was doing very bad and like#we thought the end was near#she improved and got discharged#things still aren’t great but it’s (hopefully) looking more like she has weeks or maybe even months rather than just a handful of days#she’s almost 92 and has late stage Alzheimer’s and the flu is what put her in the hospital but she beat it#yesterday was very stressful#my parents/uncles were all being incredibly vague and my cousins were reaching out for info from me since I’m the only local grandchild#trying to figure out if people several hours away need to drop everything and try to make it here to say goodbye while at work was uh#it was something#I had an emotional break down in the bathroom which was fun#my parents who normally use me as a punching bad were doing it to an even more extreme degree#they still are technically; I get it’s my dad’s mom and he’s hurting more but she’s my grandma and like#the whole way they’ve been treating is just… it broke something in me#relieved she’s okay for now but having to grapple with the fact that this is how they will treat me when it is her time is something#I am an frazzled emotional wreck from everything but she’s okay and that’s what matters in the end#I also had a video interview this afternoon which like#absolutely wild state of mind to be in to do an interview but it’s with a really good company so I didn’t want to cancel#guys#I got a second in person interview!#it pays good and it’s close by and the only thing I don’t like is that it’s second shift#but they said if I get the job I’ll eventually get the opportunity to switch to first shift so like#fingers crossed the next interview goes well#anyways all good news except for my parents being fucking assholes but#I am out of energy emotionally mentally and physically#was trying to keep myself together till the interview and now that it’s over I’m just very done#my anxiety is shot my brain’s checked out and all I wanna do is sleep#I was supposed to be off tomorrow but work called me in and I took the shift cause I need money#I think there is a very good chance that I crash very hard after work tomorrow#which fine
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accidents pt. II | Spencer Reid x fem!reader
Summary: during a long case away, Spencer accidentally sees Reader's nudes on her phone and can't cope because he is a MESS for reader whoops pt.II The Reckoning /j, this is basically just 10k words of porn with feelings yikes
Warnings: SMUT MDNI, 18+ only, fem!reader, fluff, some angst (still Spencer feeling he isn't good enough 😔), EMOTIONSSS, Spencer STILL loves you so much, he gets a hug, and so much more!, talk about sex, detailed asking for CONSENT (be safe people), sex (piv), some frottage, uhhh what else, dirty talk, some dom/sub understones (sub!Spencer ofc), little bit allusion to subspace, Spencer discovers so many kinks in this awww we're so proud of you bby (mentioned kinks: praise kink, squint of liking being embarrassed, tiiny bit of a voyeristic thing), also I made him a virgin whoops so virgin!Spencer, proofread but prolly not perfect lol. Tell me if I'm missing any tags I am so tired
(also, Spencer will be bisexual in all of my Spencer fics because I am not a coward like the writers were and I will honour Spencer the way he was intended to)
HERE you can read pt. I, I do recommend it to have context and all but do whatever you want lmao I'm not your mother anyway have fun being completely wrecked like I was while writing this!! also thanks so so MUCH for 400 followers and almost 2k likes on the first part, you guys are the best and I hope you enjoy this fic as a thanks!!<333
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Spencer’s never sprung from his bed faster in his life before.
His heart is a jackhammer in his chest, chipping away at his ribs one bone splitter at a time because-
It’s you. In front of his door. And Spencer is so hard it hurts but- he can’t just-
“Spencer?”
He sucks in a haggard breath, hands reaching up and messing up his hair even more. His thoughts are everywhere and nowhere at once and he just needs to- needs just a moment to-
“Uh, yeah, just a second!”, he calls back, voice scratchy and used from the- the moaning Jesus Christ because he was about to come with your mental image and he somehow, magically, managed to apparently conjure you up in front of his door with his pathetic pining and oh god-
He has to- ugh- has to wash his hands and make it go away and –
“Okay, I’ll just…chill with that weird plant here.”
An overwhelmed whimper slips past his lips and he just, stands there for at least another five seconds before something in his mind snaps back into place and he rushes to the small, adjacent bathroom of his room.
After he thoroughly washed his hands, his erection has flagged off enough so that it’s not the first thing greeting you when he opens the door and thank god for that.
And oh- seeing you after doing that actually knocks the wind out of his lungs because you are just so goddamn lovely it makes Spencer want to do stupid, stupid things like cry or kiss you or spontaneously combust into a million pieces.
For once, he does something okay-ishly sensible though.
“Hi.”
You look at him, one eyebrow raised in amusement or scepticism, he doesn’t know for sure. Your eyes hold mirthful sparkles in them when he finally manages to meet your gaze, so he settles for the former of the two options.
You’re not wearing your work clothes anymore. Rather, you went for a cozy looking, oversized sweater and funkily patterned leggings. Your fashion sense outside of work always reminded Spencer of Penelope’s.
“Hi to yourself”, you chuckle, “Can I come in or are you too busy reading ten books at once?”
Spencer feels himself flush under your gentle teasing.
“Only seven books. But, yes, of course you can come in.”
He turns out of the way, creating room for you to pass him into his room. As soon as you are inside, you don’t hesitate to jump onto his bed and flop on your back with your arms spread wide.
Spencer’s breath hitches and he has to do some very extensive mental gymnastics to supress all the inappropriate thoughts from escaping the box he banished them into. Controlling his body’s response to seeing you in the same bed he was just jacking off in is… a different story. He pulls down the hem of his shirt as discreetly as possible, as he takes a seat next to you. Making sure that there is not too much distance between you two as to raise any suspicion and make it obvious he’s trying to get some distance between you, but also enough space so that he isn’t enticed to do anything unwise. Like, reach out and feel your warmth underneath his fingers. Or the softness of your skin. Or anything else really.
The more seconds tick by in which neither of you say anything, the more nervous Spencer becomes. He starts fiddling around with his fingers, aborting more than one move to steal a glance at your face to see what you’re thinking.
“Spencer”, you then finally say, voice kind of pout-y and if that didn’t make Spencer whip his head around to face you, the next thing you say for sure does. “Do you hate me?”
“Wha-“, he sputters your name, “No- no! Of course, I don’t- whe- why would you think that?”
You let out an exasperated groan, moving around until you are lying on your side, head propped up on your arm and frowning up at him. “Because you’ve been acting hella weird these last few days and you won’t tell me whyyyy”, you drag out the last syllable, pout on your lips and Spencer has to look up at the ceiling or else he’s just going to confess everything without second thought and that will definitely not happen.
“I haven’t been acting weird, really, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
You remain silent again and Spencer feels the judging glare you send his way without having to look at you. Yes, he has been acting weird, he knows that, but you can never ever know the reason why tha-
“Is it because you saw my nudes?”
Spencer almost breaks his neck with how fast he whips his head down to look at you again. A strangled noise escapes him without permission and what. What.
“Because, that would actually explain so much, especially the way you’ve been acting and really, that’s probably on me because I’ve always been telling myself to put them behind a password block but I somehow always manage to forget that because apparently I have only one braincell left that’s stuck spinning on the deep-fried version of Funky Town and well, I guess I’m glad it was you that found them and not someone else and-“
“What? No, no, I didn’t- What- that’s not- what-“, Spencer cuts off your rambling with a horrified, screeched version of a protest because how- how could you have guessed what’s going on with just one try? Is Spencer so- so absolutely besotted with you that he’s so obvious? Spencer is so very confused and overwhelmed with whatever the hell is going on, he kind of misses the slight twitching of your mouth.
“Come on, Spencer. I said it’s fine and basically my own fault. Uh- well, actually… sorry. Because, well, that’s probably not very work-appropriate… I will pay for your therapy session, just send me the bill.”
Spencer thought he’d reached the limits of confusion seconds ago but apparently, he hadn’t. What. What are you even saying?
“Therapy sessions?”
You just- ignore him.
“Oh, also, please don’t tell Hotch? He’ll be pissed, despite me literally just doing hot-girl shit, y’know-“
Oh, Spencer cannot take it anymore.
He says your name and, “Stop, please, please, just-“
You snap your mouth shut, pulling your lips between your teeth and Spencer definitely doesn’t miss the way you have to force your mouth to stay still this time.
“Are you- is this a joke?”, Spencer asks, frazzled and desperate and so confused he just wants to bury his head under the duvet and never come out again. Because if you don’t actually know but- are just joking around, oh Spencer is overwhelmed, alright.
Your expression changes into something panicked then. “No, no, Spencer, sorry. I’m- sorry. Of course I’m not joking, I’m so sorry. It’s just a little bit too easy to tease you. Sorry.” You actually look apologetic now, lips downturned and frowning slightly.
“Not joking- so… so, you know?”, there’s something big and anxious pressing inside of Spencer’s chest. The urge to hide away and never face daylight again intensifies tenfold. He’s flushing before he realizes, hands trembling and breathing a bit too fast to be considered normal. Oh god, you know, you actually know, you’re going to- you’re never going to speak with him again you are probably here to tell him how weird and- and-
You must’ve noticed the frenzy he is thinking himself into, because you reach out with one hand and gently nudge his thigh with one knuckle. “Spencer”, you say, voice serious and steady and not the slightest bit disgusted or harsh and it snaps him out of his anxiety spiral.
“I knew the second I walked back into that room after you basically fled the precinct. I am, really, genuinely, sorry for making you uncomfortable. Like, it wasn’t actually my intention for you to see them. And then, after I realized what… I just wanted to wait and see what you’d do, if you came to talk to me or, well…”
You sigh, the hand that nudged him ruffling through your hair.
“I didn’t handle this situation very well. I’m really sorry. So… “, you trail off, scrunching your nose in that adorable way of yours that makes Spencer want to kiss it until it scrunches even further because you’d laugh and try to fight him off.
“We can just- forget about this. Forget that it ever happened, or-“, you hesitate again.
Spencer feels suddenly breathless. Like he stands in front of a cliff face, seconds before taking the step to send himself careening towards something immeasurably great or devastatingly fatal.
“Or…?”, he breathes, voice small and unsure.
You meet his eyes again after what feels like hours. There’s something intense in them, burning, and it’s like an electric shock to Spencer’s system. He’d give anything for you to keep looking at him like that forever.
“Or”, your hand returns to his thigh, but this time you let your fingers travel along the shape of it and Spencer whimpers. The burning in your eyes intensifies and Spencer feels hot, suddenly, so hot he’s burning with it. “Or we can do something else.”
“Something else?”, Spencer basically croaks because his throat is so dry and it’s difficult for his body to function properly when you are touching him like that.
You hum in agreement. “Whatever you want. You can tell m-“
“You.”
You look a bit startled when he cuts you off with that one, desperate syllable. Startled but also endlessly amused and Spencer just- his mind is apparently turned off, what the-
You laugh quietly, and your eyes soften, and it does something to Spencer that leaves an ach-y feeling in his chest. Oh, he loves you so much he can’t take it.
“Sure. You can have me”, you say simply, as if it’s the easiest thing in the world for you to admit, “Tell me what exactly you want, because I’d give you the world if you asked.”
And suddenly there’s hot pressure behind Spencer’s eyes, at the back of his throat. You’re just- just- amazing and so lovely and so kind to him, no one has ever said something like that to him, he doesn’t know how to handle it.
Spencer blinks up to the ceiling, desperately willing these stupid unwelcome tears away because crying about you treating him kindly is so on the bottom of the list of acting casual about this, so he rather feels than sees you sitting up next to him. Your hand slips from his legs and he feels the loss of your touch as if someone sucked the marrow from his bones. Before he can say something embarrassing like ‘please touch me again’ he feels your hand covering his. It fills him with a heady kind of courage.
“I want…”, Spencer starts, feeling entirely too uncomfortable with having to state his deepest and darkest desires. There’s the old familiar urge to start picking at his nails nagging at him, but you just interlace your fingers with his and start tracing random patterns into the skin there with your thumb. Spencer melts against you and tenses up at the same time because it’s just so- so nice. It feels so nice and Spencer never thought he’d ever get to have things like that with you but you’re here. You’re here, with him, and basically offering Spencer the entire world on a silver platter but it’s still so so unfathomably difficult just saying what he so badly wants.
“You want…?”, you hum slightly, voice soft and so tender as you continue painting patterns on his skin and Spencer would literally die for you. And that’s the entire problem. Spencer doesn’t know if you’d do the same. Well. Maybe not die die for him but. He can’t just sleep with you, and it not meaning anything to you. It would kill him. It would kill him, if after you give him tenderness and pleasure and acceptance in a way he’s never dreamed of receiving, you would go back to normal. Always politely distanced, close, but never close enough and it already twists his chest just thinking of that possibility.
“I just-“, he tries again, but when the words are stuck in his throat, sticky molten sugar that tastes like bile and fear, he pulls out of your grip and buries his face in his hands. He’s so bad at this. He’s the worst. No wonder he’s never had- had something like Morgan has, one night stand after one night stand (not that he particularly wants that, god no, but just-) because Spencer is just so bad at spilling all of the things that plague his gut and keep his thoughts in overdrive at night. No wonder he’s never even had a girlfriend or boyfriend before.
“Hey, hey, Spencer”, he feels your hands cupping his own, still over his face. Not taking them away, but just – there. “It’s alright, penguin, we can always come back to this another time. I’ll wait.”
Spencer’s face crumples and his breath hitches a little because- penguin. That’s the frankly ridiculous nickname you’ve been using for him ever since he apparently once looked like one, with that white scarf and knee-length black coat he wore during one of your cases where a blizzard surprised not only the team, but also the unsub. Spencer, like most of you, wasn’t prepared and thus, had to make do with what the helpful officers provided them with. And well, Spencer drew the penguin stick it seemed.
It’s ridiculous but sweet and it always makes him feel so loved, loved by you, because it’s adorable and theirs and he just loves it irrationally much, okay? And also, penguins are just really fascinating because-
“Did you know that most penguins live monogamously? The Emperor penguin is actually one of the only ones that mate seasonally, they only have one mate per breeding season. But most others have a mate for life, like, like swans and bald eagles.”
Before Spencer even opened his mouth, he was aware of the fact he was going to ramble on about some unimportant stuff. It’s always like this, it always feels like a breath he’s been holding in for too long, like an itch somewhere in his weird brain that only stops when he opens his mouth and infodumps and he cannot stop it. No matter how consciously he is telling himself to cut it out or screaming at himself to shut the fuck up you weirdo, it’s unavoidable. As soon as his brain latches onto a statistic or a fact it is reminded of, it’s an unstoppable force.
Like now. He is kicking himself. Why, oh why can’t he ever be normal? He feels himself flushing bright red from embarrassment and shame and frustration. He can’t believe he is rambling about birds while- while whatever the hell you two are doing right now. While in the middle of a conversation that started out with you confronting him about him seeing your nudes, jesus christ.
Spencer is about to suffocate himself with a pillow when you let out a graceless snort.
It confuses Spencer so much he lowers his hands to look at you and- oh.
Your eyes are shining with something that looks so close to what he would call affection, and it makes him want to bawl his eyes out and at the same time, smile so hard there’ll be laugh lines on his cheeks for the rest of the week.
“Well, that fits perfectly then”, you say, and Spencer doesn’t understand.
“What do you mean?”
You smile just a little wider, a little more teasingly but in a nice way, in a kind way and it leaves Spencer’s chest blooming with warmth.
“If you’re my penguin, I’ll be your penguin.”
Youryouryouryouryour-
Spencer feels entirely braindead. Only the fact that you called him yours registers. Because yes. Yes. Spencer is so yours he’d gladly let you make every decision for him from now on in his life and yes. That’s not exactly a very normal thing to think. Or to want. Spencer doesn’t care. He’s never felt normal about you for a day in his life and he definitely won’t start now.
“You- you mean- like, as, as mates?”
You scrunch your nose in disgust. “If you want to call us that, I think I’ll take back my offer.”
It punches a giggle out of Spencer, sudden and kind of light-headed. He watches your face break into a wide grin.
“But you- you’d like that?” You’d like me?
You pull a face, sniffing in a nonchalant way, direct your face to your nails in fake disinterest.
“Sure. Whatever.”
And Spencer can’t help himself. He sobs out a laugh- laughs out a sob or, whatever that weird noise he makes is, because you’re so ridiculous and he loves you more than anything in the world.
You roll your eyes, fondly, shake your head slightly.
“Of course, Spencer. I’d like that very much because I like you a very unnormal amount. Literally. On my knees, crying, screaming etcetera”, you say just like that, smiling just like that.
Spencer feels like he’s dreaming. He must be. There’s no other explanation for it. He just can’t wrap his head around the fact that you could like him. You. You’re so, so lovely and amazing and you deserve everything good in this world and Spencer is just. Spencer.
“You- you like me? Me?”, Spencer can’t hide the incredulous tone that seeps into his questions because you like him?
There’s no traces of humour in your eyes anymore. Your eyes look painfully honest, face suddenly serious, and it steals Spencer’s breath away.
You lean closer to him again, grabbing his hands with yours. Your gaze bores itself into his, intense and steady and he can’t look away. “Spencer. I know it’s- I know life has been hard on you for way too long. And that leaves its marks on you. That’s fine. It’s human. But. You do not deserve any less love because of that, do you understand me? Of course I like you, what isn’t there to like? You’re kind and funny and sweet and just so- Spencer. You’re so lovable and it kills me to know that you don’t see how you are so worthy of being loved.”
Oh.
Oh.
You can’t just- can’t just say things like that and expect him to not cry a little. Can’t expect him to act completely nonchalant and cool about all of this when you say things like that to him. Are you trying to kill him? Because it sure does feel like that.
Spencer is so completely at a loss. He doesn’t know what to say to that- not to mention what to do. How do you always do this? How can you see straight to the hidden, bruised core of him, littered with all these ugly and bad things and. Just. Figure out what to say to strike him exactly there.
It should scare him, being known so deeply. It should, but it doesn’t because it’s you. You are warmth and acceptance like his favourite place in front of a fireplace, book in hand and rain gently knocking against windows. You are quiet mornings at work, you are soft rays of sunlight in his hair, you are gentle hands helping you up when you fall and bruise your knees. You are –
A touch to his cheek startles him. He opens his eyes – when did he close them? – to your fingers brushing some stray tears away, so softly as if he’s something precious, something to be held delicately. That thought sends new tears spilling down his cheek. He can’t believe this is affecting him so much, so completely he simultaneously feels like he is going to shatter and be stitched back together again.
He never knew he needed this so much.
“Sorry for making you cry, penguin. I didn’t think this discussion about my lack of nude etiquette would get this emotionally damaging”, you say, voice hushed in the big silence of the room, a small smile on your lips and eyes so kind.
Spencer snorts, despite himself. This has really been a very bizarre evening. He feels almost drunk on the weirdness of it all, on the rollercoaster that his emotions have ridden all evening. That’s probably why he does what he does next.
“Neither did I, especially after you interrupted me while I wa-“
Spencer shuts his mouth so fast he clicks his teeth together, eyes wide and suddenly horrified. He- what-
Why?
Why can’t Spencer ever keep his big mouth shut? Is he completely and utterly insane?
There’re alarm bells going off somewhere in Spencer’s head and a concerning warmth settling deep in his stomach when your grin takes on a slightly devilish edge, one he knows all too well and. And. Oh. He’s in trouble. So much trouble. Why did he have to say that?
“After I interrupted you while?”, you prompt him, eyes electric and hot and oh god-
Spencer is so dumb. An idiot. Of the highest order. High IQ, where?
“Nothing”, he says, voice high-pitched and rushed and he curses himself and his ability to act everything else but nonchalant. He’d be the worst actor of all time.
“Spencer.”
The tone of your voice rearranges something in his neurons. He can feel himself sit up just that little bit straighter, can feel his mind buzz at the edges. He’s never felt like this before.
He loves it.
“Hmm?”, is all he gets out. Trouble, so much trouble.
Suddenly you’re standing up, away from him and Spencer wants to whine because you should stay there next to him, forever fixed to his side. He doesn’t have to despair long, because you take one of your knees and gently nudge his legs apart with it and okay. Okay. That definitely didn’t just send Spencer’s mind reeling. That wasn’t just totally the hottest thing that ever happened to him.
You slot yourself between his legs as if you own that space and. In his humble opinion, you do. You so do. Spencer is willing to give you a map of his entire body and a marker and tell you to please demarcate every part of him you want. He’d give it to you, no questions asked.
He is looking up at you, at your burning eyes that still hold something so soft in them that makes the lump in his throat bigger again. And by god, Spencer just needs to hear you say it again-
“You like me?”
You move closer to him, lifting one hand and placing it underneath his chin. Your thumb traces along his jaw and Spencer feels like he is going to burst into a million embarrassed pieces.
“Yes”, you say simply, but the way you say it. Spencer can’t help but shiver and exhale shakily. He feels so warm, everywhere. His skin burns where your fingers are touching him. He never wants this to stop.
“You- You want me?”
Your hand grips his face a little stronger, your other fingers splaying over and down his throat and there’s a high noise coming from somewhere and there’s goosebumps on his body everywhere and oh, wait- it’s him. The noise. Well, how embarrassing but. He doesn’t care. Nope. Not at all.
…Okay maybe a little. His face feels warm, suddenly, warmer than the rest of him and yes. He’s blushing, okay?
“Spencer”, the way you say his name it- god, “I want you. I said it before, but. I will give you anything. Tell me what you want, Spencer, and you will get it from me.”
Your eyes are so dark and your voice so low and Spencer actually whines and. He’s hard again, so hard, because he didn’t come before and now, he’s even more pent-up and his thoughts are a mess, but you haven’t even touched him more than this and he’s already so worked up from you just saying these things to him-
“I want you”, Spencer pants, currently finding no other English words in the dictionary of his mind. And well. Emily was right about him. IQ slashed to zero when pretty person do thing.
He watches you take a deep breath, as if to steady yourself, as if this whole thing is affecting you as much as it affects him but that’s- ridiculous. Impossible. Because. Have you seen yourself?
“I know that, Spencer. But what do you want from me? Do you want me to kiss you?”, you ask, face suddenly so close to his Spencer feels your breath fan over his skin, and he whimpers because yes he wants that wants that- “Do you want me to touch you more?”, your other hand grabs his side, gentle but just a little bit roughly and Spencer is suddenly vividly reminded of the fact how strong you are and he feels kind of lightheaded-
“Do you want me to fuck you, Spencer?”
Spencer is going to pass out. And die. And moan and say, “Please yes yes yes”. Maybe not in that particular order.
“Okay, angel, anything you want”, you say, smiling softly at him as if he’s the best thing in the world and angel. Angel. Angel.
Before he’s even started to process you calling him angel, he sees a glint in your eyes, that edge in your smile again and before he knows what’s happening, you’re kissing him.
You’re kissing him and it’s- everything.
Your mouth is soft against his, and Spencer’s insides twist and flutter and his brain is kind of lagging behind, but he wants to be closerclosercloser-
It’s so good Spencer completely blanks on everything. There’s nothing in his mind except the feel of your lips moving against his. There’s no insecurity, no embarrassment tainting this moment even though this is literally like, only the sixth kiss or so of Spencer’s life and he has no idea what he is doing. But it’s so good.
A noise somewhere between a moan and a whimper escapes him when you lick into his mouth and Spencer’s soul almost leaves his body. He feels you shudder where you are pressed together, chest to chest.
“Spencer, Spencer”, you breathe against his lips, in between wet, hot, kisses. You rub your nose against his, eyes closed.
“Hmm?”, he hums, his voice somewhere in Canada or wherever. His mouth is too busy smiling so wide it hurts, anyways. No time for articulating anything.
“You’re amazing, Spencer, amazing.”
And he wants to shake his head, no, because the only one amazing here is you. But it’s impossible to disagree with you when your mouth has returned to his in a way that is probably ruining him for anyone else. (He’s okay with that.)
You peck him on the lips once, twice more, before you press your lips against his jaw, exactly where you had your fingers before. Your hands are basically the only thing holding Spencer up in a sitting position, because he feels like molten chocolate in your hands. Muscles apparently forgetting to do their job and well. Who can blame them? Spencer has stopped thinking in proper sentences the moment you had walked into his life, so. Only a matter of time until you broke the rest of him as well.
You kiss his neck and Spencer gasps. It’s really been a hot minute - three years, one hundred, twenty-one days and twenty hours to be exact – the last time he made out with someone. Everything feels heightened on his heated skin, especially you opening your mouth against him and licking him oh god-
It almost feels like a reward when you gently bite at his skin next. Spencer almost screams.
“So good, so so good for me”, he hears you whisper into the skin of his neck and this time, Spencer does make a noise. Because yes. He wants that. Be good for you. That’s the only thing in his fuzzy mind that feels clear, that feels graspable.
He can see your pupils dilate. Can see the wicked lilt to your lips. “You like being good for me, don’t you, angel?”
ANGEL. Spencer is nodding his head before he knows he does so. “Yes, yes.”
“Fuck”, he hears you breathe against him and it’s strange, seeing the effect he has on you. Did really he do that? “I can’t believe how incredible you are, sweetheart.”
And you need to stop. If you keep calling Spencer these things- he’s pretty sure he won’t survive this. The team would need to find another genius to solve cases with. His cactus Greg would dry out and wilt and die. You and Penelope would need to find another victim to send confusing memes to.
“Did you like my pictures, Spencer?”, you then ask and that’s so not fair. You can’t just ask him that while he’s so utterly in your hands that he’s sure he’d tell you about every little fantasy he’s had about you ever if you asked.
Because Spencer wants to be good, feels that need so deeply in his bones, he nods frantically. “Yes, I- I liked them.”
At the same time the words leave his mouth, something feels wrong. There’s an ugly thing twisting in his stomach, so unpleasant it momentarily occludes the high-octane bliss-fuzz fogging up his mind.
You notice the shift in mood almost immediately. “What’s wrong, angel?”
And well. It’s just- that guilt. Of not saying anything to you about Spencer seeing your nudes, of just ogling you like that without your permission. That wasn’t very good of him. Actually, the opposite. He’s been bad and he hates that. Hates that so severely that there’s suddenly tears on his cheeks and oh no. That’s mortifying. Who cries before sex? Jesus Christ he’s such a virgin it is genuinely embarrassing.
“I’m- I’m sorry”, he stutters, a little bit hysterical, creating distance between you, arms slung around himself, “I should’ve, should’ve said something, I’m so so sorry, I’m the worst friend and now I’m- I’m crying, oh god, I’m so sorry-“
“Hey, hey hey whoa. Spencer, darling. Penguin. Look at me, please?”
But he shakes his head. He doesn’t deserve to look at you again. What was he even thinking? He was- so creepy and now- now-
Two warm hands grab his face and then Spencer is looking into your eyes again. He squeezes his own shut, but all that it does is send more tears spilling over his cheeks and he’s so fucking stupid-
“Baby, please.”
Spencer sobs.
Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. That’s the best thing he has ever heard but he doesn’t deserve these things.
“Of course you deserve it, silly goose”, you say and oh. He’s said that out loud.
Your thumbs brush over his cheeks and Spencer can’t not lean into your touch, despite everything. Because that’s just the way it always is. He’s drawn to your warmth and tenderness like a moon revolves around its planet.
“I thought we’d established that it was an accident? And if it was someone’s fault, then mine, because no password, remember?”
Spencer opens his eyes. The deep affection swimming in yours makes him sob again. He’s a mess. A crying, horny mess and Spencer definitely fucked this up. Why does Spencer always ruin the few good things in his life?
“Spencer, Spencer. Hey. It’s okay, I promise you. We wouldn’t be doing this, if it wasn’t, okay?”, you kiss his nose. “Do you want to lay down, maybe?”
He nods, not really thinking clearly. He moves up the bed, under the covers and curls up on his side. He waits for you to get up from the bed, for you to walk over to the door and leave. To say that this was a mistake, he was a mistake. To say that you take back everything you said to him in the last half hour.
He’s not just a little surprised to feel your weight dip the mattress, to feel even more sudden warmth engulf him when you spoon him from behind. You start tracing swirly patterns over the skin of his arm and he feels goosebumps spread all over his body.
Some minutes tick by, you still holding him, when his tears have finally dried up. He doesn’t remember crying so much in one day. Spencer feels miserable.
“Do you still like me?”, he asks, and yes, it’s pathetic and stupid but. He doesn’t care if you never have sex or if you’re not going to be more than his friend now. Because the thought of you not being in his life in any capacity anymore- just no.
He can feel you freeze and take in a sharp breath. “Wha- Spencer. Of course, I still like you. I don’t care what we do, I just want to be with you. In any way you’ll have me.”
You sound so understanding and sincere and actually confused about his fear as if you’d never even think of not liking him anymore and and and-
And something in him just- snaps. He wants you, needs you so much he’s going to die if he doesn’t-
He shuffles and turns in your arms until he’s face to face with you. You look at him, eyebrow raised in question but so beautiful and lovely and you still like him-
“I want you so bad”, he says and then he presses his lips against yours again.
You respond immediately, low moan escaping you and Spencer is greedy, he wants to hear more, feel more, feel everything with you.
He’s kissing you as if he’s going to die if he ever stopped, which, yes, he absolutely would, and you kiss him back as if you can’t live without him. It makes everything become hazy again, like before, and every bad feeling suddenly feels eons away. Like he’s underwater, floaty and relaxed. Safe, he feels safe in the way you kiss him and hold him. Like you always do.
You move your kisses to his neck, sucking and biting and Spencer is moaning and moaning and can’t stop and then suddenly, you’re gone, what –
“Spencer, Spencer, wait”, you pant, out of breath and flushed and he wants to cry again, “Sorry, sorry I just-“
You frame his face in your hands, a little bit roughly. “I’m so sorry for making this so hard, you’re being so good for me, but Spencer. Have you done this before?”
Somewhere in the fog that is his minds, Spencer finds his voice. It’s high and airy but he doesn’t care. “No, no, I haven’t.”
He watches you take a deep breath, feels your fingers digging into his skin a little bit more.
“Tell me. Do you want this, Spencer?”, your voice is shaking as if you need to keep yourself in check and Spencer can’t believe he’s getting to see you like this.
“Yes”, he says because he can’t ever want anything else, and, “Please make me feel good.”
You inhale sharply, your grip on his face bordering on painful. “Spencer, you’re incredible, amazing, the best- I’ll make you feel good, okay? I’ll make you feel so good because you deserve it.”
“Yes”, Spencer is not ashamed of how whiny he sounds. No. He’s owning it now. This is his thing now, okay? He’ll gladly be your pathetic wet cat, or whatever the term was that you sometimes use to describe him with. Whatever it even means.
“Good”, you grin, and then you push on his shoulder hard and he’s on his back. And you. Sitting on top of him, thighs on either side of him. Straddling him exactly where he wants you most and he exhales a needy ‘ah’. His hypothesis of liking being manhandled is… yet to be disproven. He’s discovering so many things about himself today.
Pleasure radiates in waves from where you’re passively giving pressure to his hard cock and yeah okay. This is good. Amazing. He’s never felt better. But-
“Please.”
“Please what, angel?”
“More?”
“More what?”
Your fingers trailing along his throat and jaw, down his chest and teasing ghost-like over his nipples are not really helpful in finding the right words to what he wants. You take pity on him.
“More touch?”
Spencer nods his head, so fast he almost gets dizzy because he’s at that point again where everything feels liquid, hazy, a little bit unreal. So, speaking is already quite the task.
You smile at him as if he just solved the most difficult equation. “Doing so good, Spencer. Incredible.”
He moans. Okay. Another hypothesis to add to his ever-growing list of scientific discoveries today.
“Where do you want touch, Spencer? Here?”, there’s hands in his hair. He shakes his head.
“Hmm… Here?”, fingers drawing circles on his chest and yes, that feels nice, so nice but he wants-
“Here?”, you ground your hips down and jesus-
“Yes!”, Spencer almost chokes on the sound. Pleasure shoots up his spine and he whimpers. “Please.”
You exhale shakily, looking flush. “Okay. Because you ask so nicely.” There’re two little taps on his lower stomach through his shirt. “Do you want to take this off first? Or no?”
The way you give him the chance to say no- the way you respect his autonomy so deeply-
It’s basic human decency, yes, but it’s also the hottest thing and Spencer feels so valued and understood and safe that he’s not even hesitating when he mutters a quiet yes.
You help him sit up because he’s currently not really heir over his body like he usually is. Help his head out of the shirt and thread his arms out. And then, he’s half naked in front of you and suddenly, the doubt and insecurity that’ve been so quiet so far are back with a vengeance.
The urge to cover himself is so big it’s impossible to stop his arms from wrapping around himself.
Spencer knows he’s not ugly. He’s not that bad looking actually. Can’t be too bad if Morgan keeps insisting on calling him pretty boy, even though Spencer sometimes still has the sneaking suspicion that he’s teasing him. But his friend wouldn’t be so cruel.
But other people like to be. Pipe-cleaner, leek, straw, big-eyes. He’s heard it all before. He has matured enough and grown into himself so that these things don’t bother him like they used to. But still. Still. These things are arduous to scrub from under his skin.
Your gaze on him though- he’s never felt so, cleaned from all of these mean words before. You look- you look reverent while mapping his skin and maybe that’s the reason why he lowers his arms again.
“Spencer. You’re a dream”, you say, almost in trance. Almost as if you’re hypnotized by him, and he’s flushing. But. Being watched so intently, being admired like that. He feels his dick give an indigent twitch against your clothed core. Another thing for the list.
“So impatient”, you tut and Spencer flushes more. He thinks he’s waited long enough for this. But he doesn’t say that. If you stopped now- he would definitely combust spontaneously.
You lean down, over him. Hands trailing along his sides like you did earlier, but without any clothes between your skin and his. It’s almost too much. And not enough. He feels electrified, where you touch him. His heart is hammering against his ribs so hard you must be able to feel it. His stomach is in knots, fluttery. He’s never felt more alive.
You connect your lips to his throat, placing kiss after kiss along the arched length of it. Follow the same path with your tongue and Spencer whines, curves up against you a little. Everything feels so good Spencer is floating in it.
You shift your attention to his collarbones next, kissing but then gently biting and Spencer feels the indents of your teeth all the way through to his back and he hopes, wants, you to sink them into him so deep they’ll leave marks. So that he carries the evidence of this with him for the rest of this case, so that there’s absolutely no more doubt to who he belongs to. That thought alone makes him whimper, makes him feel that tiny little bit more lost in you.
You start kissing along his chest, down his stomach. Open mouthed, wet kisses and Spencer shivers when the places you put them feel cold after because of your spit. The lower you get, the noisier he becomes and at one point, Spencer would’ve been embarrassed. Well, he kind of is, but he’s also so turned on that the embarrassment doesn’t feel as stifling like usual. Rather, in a weird way, it makes everything hotter, and he does not own enough brain capacity right now to decipher that. But he does add it to the list.
When your face is dangerously close to the waistband of his pyjama, Spencer tenses, holds his breath. Being shirtless is one thing, but… well.
“It’s okay, Spencer. We only do as much as you feel comfortable with”, you murmur, giving a small peck to the left of his belly button. You calmingly follow his sides with your hands, smiling at him with so much affection in your eyes that Spencer feels speechless, breathless, until the tension releases his muscles again and he melts into the sheets.
“’m just…”, he tries, he really tries so hard to tell you that he wants this more than anything he’s ever wanted but that he just feels… insecure.
You kiss his stomach again. “How about we only take off the pyjama? For now? If you want to take off your underwear too later, we can still do that.”
That… that’s actually a good idea. So, he nods.
“Words, angel.”
“Yes, yes. That’s- good.”
You look so proud of him. “You’re so good, Spencer. Perfect.”
He moans embarrassingly loud. He really should be more concerned about this. About how you are basically pulling him apart, thread by thread and he just lets you, willingly. How you know which threads to pull to reduce him to a sweaty mess in what felt like 0.2 seconds.
There’s a finger dipping beneath the waistband, moving back and forth along the newly exposed skin. Your eyes watch him intently, almost predator-like. A question is in there somewhere as well and Spencer nods again.
You help him lift his hips, help him pull down the pants. Spencer is kind of busy kicking his legs a little to shake them off completely but when he looks back and down himself to where you are hyper-focused on the outline of his cock through the thin fabric he blushes.
Even more when he notices the big, dark blue splotch in front of his underwear. That’s definitely never happened before. How embarrassing.
When you look up at him again, you’re also flushed. Eyes dark, wide, voice kind of unsteady. “Spencer, Spencer, can I?”
“Please”, and then you palm him with your hand, and it feels so good it takes all of his concentration to not come on the spot. He doesn’t know if he’ll survive this until you arrive to the main thing.
It’s not the first time someone has touched him like that, but it is the first time you are doing it, and it already feels better than anything he’s ever felt before. You’re either a wizard or Spencer is just biased because he thinks everything you do is ten times better than the same thing done by someone else.
Probably the first reason.
He has his head angled back, one of his arms thrown over his eyes. If he looked at you now, he’s pretty sure, he’d come. Visual stimulation on top of physical would probably be the end of him. It’s already too much, just feeling your hand move up and down his dick in various pressures. Almost as if you are testing what he likes best, and Spencer is definitely here for it. Definitely. He’s happy to just let you experiment with him until you know all the different ways to drive him mad with pleasure with just a few moves.
Which, you apparently already figured out, judging by the way Spencer can’t form a single coherent thought anymore. It’s already, so good, so freaking good holy shit, and you’re still not touching him. Still a layer of fabric between your hand and him and he kind of- just-
“Take it off?”
You still your hand, looking up at him. You look kind of crazed, almost a little pained. It takes two deep breaths for you to process what he just asked, eyes a little unfocused before they fix Spencer to the bed with an intensity that makes him feel unfocused. “You sure, angel?”
Spencer literally can’t do anything but nod. You stay in your position for some moments longer, before you sigh out a long breath, mumbling something that suspiciously resembles you’re gonna be the death of me. Spencer misses your warmth on top of him the second you hoist yourself up. It’s kind of crazy and destitute of him. You are literally right there but he’s waited for this for so long it feels like he’s suffocating without your weight pressing him down. Which is ironic and also, insane.
Your fingers are gentle, when they move under the stretchy fabric of his underwear. Even gentler when they pull down and down and down until Spencer is entirely naked in front of you.
Oh, he feels so exposed. While he has been the recipient of a mediocre hand job before, it’s been in his trousers. This is kind of the first time someone sees him naked like that, because school locker rooms and his mother don’t count.
He doesn’t dare look at you. If there’s anything akin to disappointment, not to mention disgust on your face- Spencer probably would have to jump out the window, stat. His gaze is frozen on his cock, steadily leaking precum on his stomach (which, embarrassing). He’s abashedly trying to insert himself into your point of view, tries to imagine what you think about seeing him like this. What you might think about his dick, if it’s too short or too thin or if it looks weird, if he should’ve shaved. If his legs look strange and too gangly now, or if his stomach connects to his pubic area wrong or-
“Holy shit”, you say, and Spencer is too curious for his own damn good sometimes, because he can’t force his gaze to stay away from you.
You look at him- like before. Reverent but more, so much more. He almost feels like a deity, the way you look at him. Someone to be awed by, someone that should be worshipped. Spencer feels his already in overdrive heartbeat quicken even more, blood flushing his cheeks so much it leaks down his throat, to his chest.
Spencer would literally kill to have you look at him like this for the rest of his life.
“Holy shit, Spencer”, you repeat, eyes now meeting his, “You’re like- a literal fucking dream. I cannot believe- you’re so beautiful, how are you so beautiful everywhere?”
Spencer whimpers and he needs you to touch him kiss him fuck him anything please now or he will absolutely die from heart palpitations.
Some of his despairing thoughts must’ve come through to you, because the next thing you do is moan, which is the best thing he’s ever heard. Then, you take off your sweater. Second to go is your cropped tank top and you aren’t wearing a bra and good heavens.
Pictures could never compare. Not even Botticelli could’ve adequately committed you to canvas.
Spencer must’ve taken some brain damage from seeing you half naked. He doesn’t remember you taking off the remainder of your clothes, nor does he remember you straddling him again. But, fuck.
Spencer kind of doesn’t use the f-word that often but-
fuckfuckfuckufuckfkcufuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckcufkc-
You’re warm against him, and wet, so freaking wet, and it feels so mind-blowingly good- it’s a miracle he’s still holding on. But-
“Won’t last long”, he gets out, breathy and whiny and just so goddamn fuzzy from pleasure. The world could literally perish right now, and he wouldn’t care. He can’t care, because this is the best thing that ever happened to him and he won’t ever care about anything else ever again other than feeling you, you you you you, against him.
“Spencer, Spencer”, you breathe, gasp, and fuck, the way you keep using his name. “Are you okay? Do you still want this?”
It’s ridiculous you even ask. But the warmth in his chest, the feeling of comfort and safety and ease – because everything with you is so easy, so natural - he feels with the way you look after him-
He feels your thumbs caressing his wet cheeks. You put small, sweet kisses all over his face. Take the time to brush away some of his sweat-sticky hair from his forehead. Place kisses there too. You end with a drawn out, gentle kiss to his lips.
“What do you say, sweetheart?”
There’s really only one way for him to answer that. He trusts you. Plain and simple. There’s no one else he could ever do this with.
“Yes, I want. Please.”
You kiss him again. “So good Spencer, you’re so fucking good to me. I can’t believe you are trusting me with this. You are incredible, angel.”
Spencer doesn’t know how it’s anatomically possible, but he blushes even harder. Also, feels his cock twitch against you because he apparently likes to be called good almost as much as he likes being good. For you. Only you. Jesus Christ.
“Do you have a condom?”, you ask and ah. Well.
“Suitcase”, and wow. First word with more than one syllable since you straddled him the first time. He’s being so brave right now. He deserves a medal. Proof of Being Able to Speak Polysyllabic Words While Getting Fucked (Almost).
There’s humour glistening in your eyes, when you hide a fake gasp behind your hand and say, “Oh my god, Spencer you dog. Can’t believe you planned this entire thing.”
Spencer almost chokes on his own spit. “N-no! I just- uh, like being prepared.”
You grind down a snort, drive your teeth into your lower lip. “In case you accidentally saw your coworker’s nudes and them being down to fuck you about it?"
Oh my god, you’re the most ridiculous person he’s ever met. He can’t stop himself from grinning because seeing you trying to keep your laughter at bay-
“Yes. That.”
“But what if- what if it was Rossi instead of you seeing them? How would’ve your plan worked out then, huh?”, you wheeze, shaking from literal suppressed laughter and Spencer makes a sound like a dying horse.
“Rossi? Rossi?”
“Oh my god, imagine it would’ve been Hotch. He would’ve probably fired me so hard and then called me a week later to disappointed-dad-talk me to come back but to please, refrain from bringing personal files to work in the future.”
Spencer laughs. He’s still rock-hard underneath you, but he’s laughing because that’s what you always do. Being so absurd and silly that he’s shocked to laughter.
He adores you with every fibre of his being.
“What the fuck?”, you ask, incredulous but laughing yourself, “Is my misery amusing to you?”
And Spencer feels like being a little bit of a brat. “Very.”
You flick his nose. Grumble something like I’ll show you misery and then you move your hips against his and Spencer sees stars. Let’s out an embarrassingly high whine.
Ah well. It was still worth it.
“Don’t move”, you order, when you climb down from him to retrieve a condom. Spencer watches you, lets himself look at you. All the times he’s wondered how it would be, how it would feel like, being in this kind of situation with you. He’s never in a million years thought it would feel so familiar. Like you’ve done this before, so many times that it’s just become something normal between you two. He’s actually relaxed. So turned on it feels like he’s going to burst any second, but he’s calm. He feels comfortable, so much so that it doesn’t even matter that it’s the first time he’s doing this and he’s so clueless about all of this.
But he knows, if it’s with you, he never ever has to worry about anything.
“Do you have lube as well?”, you ask, rifling through his suitcase and distracting him from his sappy thoughts.
“Hmm. No, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be, angel”, you say while returning to Spencer, and the nickname kind of switches something off again in his brain. Perfect. He’s never going to be able to be normal again about that word.
“We’ll have to get some, for next time. Always feels better with it.”
Spencer hasn’t really registered more than next time next time next time-
He’s pulled out of his daze of knowing your intentions of this not only being a one-off thing, when you straddle him again, a bit lower on his legs. Spencer moans, loud and high, when you grab him by the base and god, fuck, his skin is tingling with anticipation.
With your other hand, you grab the condom and then use your teeth to open the packet, and his cock jumps in your hand. How are you so hot. How does everything you do turn him on so much, what.
He watches you take out the plastic ring as if he’s watching from above, out of his body. He watches as you position the condom over his tip and then pull it down, down and Spencer’s brain must be lagging because he feels everything with at least a two second delay and shit, god, son of a-
“You ready, baby?”
He makes a noise between a sob and a whine. He’s losing his mind. “Please please please-“
“Fuck, Spencer”, you whine, lift yourself up a bit with your legs and then you are sinking down on him, inch by agonizing inch.
It’s so good, it’s so good, you are so warm, so hot, and Spencer can’t stop making noises until your hips are flush to his and he’s inside you.
You let out a loud, drawn-out moan above him. “Fuck, fuck, Spencer. You feel so fucking good, holy shit.”
He feels like he’s one move away from coming. God, oh god, it feels so incredible.
“Can I move? Spencer, please?”, your voice is wrecked, you’re flushed down to your navel, and you’re the best thing he’s ever seen.
“Please please please please”, it’s the only word he remembers how to pronounce.
“Fuck”, you almost sob, lifting yourself almost completely off him. You lower yourself back down again, one swift move, and you both moan.
You pick up the pace a little, fucking him with still languid but purposeful thrusts. Every time his cock sinks back into you, Spencer feels bits and pieces of his sanity crumbling away. He can’t think, can’t speak, his mind so fogged up and fuzzy he’s having troubles remembering who he is. He’s so completely at your mercy he’d let you do anything to him.
That turns him on a worryingly huge amount. List, something about a list somewhere.
“Oh, god, look at you. Spencer, baby, angel. You feel so good inside of me, so good.”
He keens, grabs at your strong thighs bracketing his slim hips. Arches up into you, closerclosercloser-
“You like being good for me, right angel?”, you ask, hips slowing down to a gentle grinding that absolutely drives Spencer insane and he’s too far gone to even nod, “It suits you. Being so wrecked for me, moaning and shaking. God, fuck, you’re divine, Spencer, fuck.”
The pressure behind his cock, low in his stomach, that’s been building all evening, all week, holy shit, it’s too much. Spencer feels delirious, feels your hotness around him, feels your hands pressing his chest down into the bed. He’s going to die it feels so good.
“You going to come for me, Spencer? You gonna be good for me and come inside of me?”
Please please please please- it’s all he can think, all he can feel, because because-
You give a particularly hard thrust and-
Spencer’s coming, moaning and moaning, shaking everywhere. He’s coming and it feels so good, so fucking good. He’s never come so hard in his life before.
He might have blacked out a little. The next time he’s aware of something, it’s you cleaning him with a wet washcloth. Slow, and gentle and Jesus.
“What?”, is the first thing he manages to say, and you snicker beside him. You caress his face, hand running through his hair, down his chest. Peck his lips. You’re both still naked.
“Feeling good?”, you ask and what kind of question even is that. You just fucked the soul from his body, and you ask him-
“I almost died”, he says, tagging your name at the end with an incredulous tint to it.
You snort, setting the washcloth on the nightstand behind you. You lie down close to him, cuddling into his side. “That was the plan.”
“Killing me with sex?”
“Yep. That’s for ogling my nudes without my permission, you creep.”
He says your name again, exasperated but so fucking fond it’s a miracle you’ve never noticed his pining before. You shrug, pull a ‘what can you do face’. Spencer rolls his eyes and then, unceremoniously, flops on top of you.
“Uffff”, you press out. “You’re smothering me, penguin.”
Spencer shrugs and copies the expression you just did. You bark out a laugh.
“Ha! Didn’t know post-sex Spencer is such a cheeky little shit. I’ve created a monster.”
He can’t entirely control his face, some parts of a smile slipping into his features. He does manage to poke out his tongue at you though, before he buries his face in your neck.
Some minutes tick by, you both enjoying the other’s presence and warmth and idleness, before something in his brain-
“Wait-“, Spencer splutters, pushing himself away from you so that he can look at you. “Did you- did you even finish?”
He’s kind of horrified. He was so focused on his pleasure- he- how did he forget? He doesn’t remember you coming and oh no, he’s such an asshole, who doesn’t make sure the other person has come as well and-
“Spencer, Spencer”, you shush him, fingers trailing along his back, and he shivers, eyes rolling back.
“I made myself come right after, don’t worry. You were kind of busy in your post-orgasm, pussy-drunk coma.”
Spencer flushes. “But I wanted to…”
You laugh softly. “You can do whatever to me, next time, sweets. This was about you. We’ll go on a date as soon as we’re back home. Fucking Florida is driving me nuts.”
Oh, he suddenly feels shy. A date? You want to go on a date with him?
“Really?”, he asks, and he hates how insecure he sounds.
You send him an unbelieving look. “Uh, what about the last hour makes you think otherwise? Seriously, Spencer, we need to work on your confidence.”
“Okay”, he mutters, a little bit pout-y and you scoff, pulling him down on top of your chest again.
There, with your hands painting patterns on his back and him completely lost in your warmth and familiarity, Spencer thinks that maybe, Florida isn’t that bad.
--
Bonus
“So, then. Made any scientific discoveries last night, pretty boy?”
Spencer chokes on his coffee.
“What?”
“Nothing”, his ‘friend’ says, smirking and leaning against his table, “You just seem to have figured out that little problem that’s been keeping that pretty head of yours all messed up.”
Spencer feels himself flush. Stupid body and stupid involuntary, physiological reactions. Morgan picks up on it, of course.
“Ohhhhh, want to share with the class what those discoveries were?”
Briefly, so very briefly, Spencer thinks of his self-compiled list but- no no no no.
“Shut up, Morgan.”
⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂ ⠂⠄⠄⠂☆
tags: @sebastiansstanswhore @xx-spooky-little-vampire-xx @wasitforrevenge @wannabewolf @tommorecommendedfics @winterhi09 @theoraekenslover @chaewondrful @okeyhoezayy @busy-buzzing @laurakirsten0502 @redros3y @trashxqueen @kitty-kei @so-long-daisymay @hayleythecannibal @jsnsnsnszjzj @reeidsluv @kayane28 @moonysreid @desperately-seeking-serotonin @munsonslunchbox @tul1p-mimi @anuttellaa @pinkgomie @elizabethmidnight2017 @evrmorets @cyanidebitsg @bangchansdog @pinterestwhore145 @some-one-yiu-dont-kno @emma-e-a
i hope these work lmao, also let me know if you wanna be on my eternal tag list for any future Spencer fic ;)
#tinywrites#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid smut#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid x reader fanfic#criminal minds smut#spencer reid x reader smut#spencer reid x y/n#tinywrites:accidents#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid fic#criminal minds x reader
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