#(Idk I think it's funny. A least they're not giving me French)

[jevilowo]

MY OPINIONS ON VARIOUS TF2 SHIPS

For funsies

SCIENCE PARTY:

fun ship, but they're GodComplex4GodComplex and I fear that would only end in disaster

TOASTED SANDVICH:

if there is one heavypyro fan on this stupid baka planet it is me. shout out to menacing quiet individuals who like violence but have a soft side fr.

BLOODY SUIT:

literally The Original toxic yaoi rivals to lovers red blue combo ship. speeding bullet and napoleon complex fans WISH they had our shared update and corresponding voice lines

BATTING HELMET: (scout n solly)

i just think it's really funny trust me on this one guys. have you seen them in the fourth comic it's a constant "yes, and" bit between the two of them. soldier's love language is choking people out.

HIT AND A MISS: (scout n pauling)

like most ms pauling ships, i'm only into it if scout's a cool lesbian. which he is not most of the time.

RED OKTOBERFEST:

AAAAAAAAAAAAA literally the ship of all time save me heavymedic save me. if they don't smooch in the next comic i will become jay pinkerton's personal sleep paralysis demon.

SPEEDING BULLET:

my feelings on it are Complicated. twas my first love (otp) in this fandom, but the overabundance of twinky uwu scout and daddy dom snoipah has built up some resentment on my part. call me back when people stop making up imaginary life problems for sniper to comfort scout over.

NAPOLEON COMPLEX: (Spy n Engie)

literally just rarjack if they were boys and not horses to me and i'm not even an mlp fan. it's alright, just doesn't really stick out to me.

SPYMA:

LITERALLY THE POWERCOUPLE EVER TRULY A LOVE STORY FOR THE AGES or at least the version that exists in my head is. i have so much made up spyma lore it's crazyyy. bonus points if they're polying up they cule with sniper it's quickly becoming my favourite genre of fanart (i have seen at maximum three)

SUPPORT SANDWICH: (spy n sniper n medic)

in my opinion, it is healthy for everyone to have at least one ship they just like bc they think it's hot. for me, that is support sandwich. not much else to say on that the fics are all banging go look them up.

SNIDOS: (sniper n GLaDOS)

hell yeah.

ADMINPAULING:

i used to like it a lot, but timelining implies ms pauling's been working for helen since her mid teens at the latest so i no longer like it. 4chan leaks my beloathed pleaseee don't make them kiss i think it would kill me in a bad way

URINE SAMPLE: (medic n sniper)

there's a lot of werewolf and vampire stuff for these two on ao3 which is pretty fun. and i'm way more likely to find sniper angst under the medicsniper tag than sb and bs which is always a plus.

FRENCH TOAST: (spyro)

have you seen that one animation where pyro gives birth to spy's child and gordon freeman is there at one point. yeahhhh. the ship's pretty cute tho spy would be sooo soft for pyro they'd light his cigarettes for him.

BOOTS AND BOMBS:

THE FORBIDDEN RED/BLU ROMANCE GOES CRAZY I ADORE IT. same team bnb is pretty banging too. bonus points if they're polying up they cule with zhanna.

SPYPAULING:

HEAR ME OUT ON THIS ONE. imagine. spy x pauling. yuri. that will be all.

SWORDVAN:

SWORDVAN MY LOVE!!! idk what it is about demo and sniper together but HELL YEAH TOP 5 SHIPS FR FR. shout out to the guy still writing monsterous intent, they're like single handedly carrying the swordvandom.

TEXAS TOAST:

I used to think "this is cute" but then my friend got really really into it and that hyped me up into "THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST SHIPS OF ALL TIME" territory. bonus points if they're yuri! shout out to Technicolor California, my current favourite fanfic of all time (it overtook running blind in the interal rankings). oh yeah insert mandatory "no hate to engie and pyro father son dynamic preferers" message here lol.

Ok that's enough I will cover more at some point maybe.

[loubatas]

If I may add a bit of my experience, as an Occitan (passive) speaker

I was taught Occitan Provençau at school, because that was my local Occitan dialect. With Vivaroaupenc and Nicard, it's probably the farthest Occitan dialect from Catalan, and I can't understand spoken Catalan, except maybe Rossellonès which is spoken in Catalunya Nord. The accent is too different for me to be able to recognise the words, and the same would happen to a Catalan speaker if they heard Provençau or Aupenc However, I can read Catalan without too much difficulties. The spelling is a bit different between the two languages, but Occitan already has two spelling systems so learning Catalan's wasn't much of an issue. My reading comprehension is a bit limited ofc (I wouldn't read a whole book without a good dictionary) but enough for news articles or webpages

Lengadocian is one of the Occitan dialect the closest to Catalan, especially between Lengadocian meridional dialects like Carcassés, Narbonés or Tolosan, and Rossellonès/Català septentrional. There are quite a lot of Lengadocian speakers from there who have no issue understanding their Catalan neighbours, and vice-versa And as you also mentioned, Gascon (especially Aranés) is also very easy to understand for Catalan speakers

Basically, it works as a linguistic continuum: if you speak Occitan, the farthest away you are from Catalunya the hardest it will be for Catalan speakers to understand you, and vice-versa if you speak Catalan with Occitan speakers. Written mutual comprehension is a lot less variable between dialects because you remove the accent component, so it's mostly a spelling and vocabulary issue and a few minor grammar differences (which can also exist between dialects anyway)

That being said, it's quite easy to get used to each other's accent through exposure, and once it's done that removes the biggest comprehension barrier. The main reason I don't understand spoken Catalan is because in France, outside of Catalunya Nord, you have barely any exposure to the language (I already have to go out of my way to keep/regain my Occitan proficiency, thank to the fucking French state's language policies)

Is Occitania part of the Catalan Countries?

No, but we're similar. Catalan and Occitan were for many centuries considered the same language :)

[moonisagremlin]

insane. TALK TO ME ABOUT YOUR HCS!! ( if you want to) i love spanish speaking mercs in general AWGH

ASDSFGGHGFGFDDDS @bimbombimbo LET ME GO FIND MY NOTES-

okay i found them :D keep in mind this is specifically about which Spain's regions they would be from (because, well, i'm spanish). Also, let's ignore TF2 takes place between 1969 - 1971 because, well, fascist dictatorship, y'know? (it is an interesting concept to further explore, but i'm not feeling like thinking about this rn. i'll make another post i think) ALSO these are mostly based around vibes and how i'm feeling (because headcanons are supposed to be fun).

Offense:

Scout - I couldn't decide between making him Madrileño (from Madrid) or Barceloní (from Barcelona) (but I honestly would ADORE making him from Barcelona so i'm most probably going for that one). I also couldn't choose to make him a cani or a pijo. (I am now realising the amounts of spanish slang i'm saying, so let me explain it to everyone who isn't from spain:

pijo means... umm, kinda like, spoiled rich kid who is kinda mean or an idiot. and cani means, umm... adidas tracksuit, cigarettes, alcohol, horrible music taste, being completely reckless, really disrespectful in general. idk, i think it is because both these kinds of people feel like thery're the best, like, they are really "chulos" and kinda brag about being bad people. i don't know it is so hard to explain slang, let me know if you kinda got the vibe that i'm explaining please thank you)

Soldier - Castellano-manchego. I will just say one thing: Don Quijote de la Mancha. If you don't know who this is, go read the book please, it is the best piece of literature ever, thank you.

Pyro - Extremeño or Murciano. A lot of people joke about Murcia not existing or being like, a Thaumiel SCP, and also about Extremadura being kinda weird(?. honestly, even i do not know that much about it, so yeah, i just think it is funny to make the character we know the least about in canon from the places that i know are kinda weird and unkown (unknown to me at least). I think I'm also leaning for Murcia more because my grandpa was from there and that's cool.

Defense:

Demoman - Gallego. I wanted to make him from Euskalerria, but I think Galicia is more similar to Scotland (and because doing a bomb joke is childish and they're not funny. people have died from terrorism and it is not something from a century ago, this is extremely recent). Anyways, both Scotland and Galicia have really green land, similar weather conditions, amazing culture, and are really unique in general. Also because my grandpa was from there and that's really cool.

Heavy - Vasco. I also didn't make Demoman basque because Heavy fits SO much better. It's, it's the vibes, man. I imagine he would have some trouble speaking spanish because he would be from such an isolated village in an already (geographically) isolated part of Spain that he would be kinda monolingual, mostly speaking basque and knowing some basic spanish. He would be SO connected with his culture, I swear I might do more research and do a whole post about the traditions he would like.

Engie - Andaluz. Andalucia is located in the south and the people there have really good vibes honestly. I think he fits because he's so nice and welcoming, and because I also think him being loud and having such a distinct accent would be amazing. And also I think he would love singing and playing and dancing flamenco. (UGHHHH I LOVE ALL OF THIS HEADCANONS I THINK I MIGHT DO A WHOLE AU DEDICATED TO THIS AAAAGAGAHAHAHHHHHHH)

Support:

Spy - This bastard is still giving me a headache. He's too french 😭. But seriously, I cannot choose to make him andorrano (and I know Andorra is a separate country from Spain but, idk), català (because at least ONE of the mercs was going to be from where I am from, y'know?) or make him catalan but specifically from la Vall d'Aran (a region where, apart from speaking spanish and catalan, aranès, a variation of the Occitan language, is spoken). Making him from la Vall d'Aran would be CRAZY because that would mean he speaks Spanish, Catalan, Aranese, AND PROBABLY FRENCH TOO BECAUSE IT IS RIGHT NEXT TO FRANCE. That would make him (almost) PLURILINGUAL since birth, and i think that is wayyy too cool. Also, IMAGINE IF SCOUT WAS FROM BARCELONA AND HE AND SPY COULD BOTH TALK IN CATALAN AND BOND THANKS TO THAT AND- IMAGINE THE DADSPY POTENTIAL AAAHAAAHAAAAAAAAAAA-

Sniper - Canario. He would be from the Canary islands because, yes. I don't really have a reason honestly, maybe similar climate to Australia? Or, idk, i think it would also be cool to make him have some kind of latin american ancestry because a lot of people from the Canary islands fled Spain during the Civil War and ended up in places like Mexico and Argentina and stuff, so that would be cool. Or I could make him straight up latino, which would fit him honestly. I don't really know, both options are really cool.

Medic - Mallorquí/Menorquí. From Islas Baleares in general. This is because A LOT of germans go on vacation there, to the point this is a huge meme in Spain. So yeah, I think it would be funny to make him balear with german ancestry I guess. He can speak spanish, german but also catalan (because catalan is also spoken there), but he has a really strong accent and sometimes Spy and Scout need to really focus on what he's saying to understand what he means. Seriously, if you hear MY western accent and compare it with a eastern balearic accent/dialect you would say they're NOT the same language because of how different it all sounds.

Bonus characters!

The Mann brothers, possibly the Admin?... blablabla, all of those people - Madrileños (from Madrid). The Mann brothers convinced Zepheniah to buy some land in the middle of Aragón and you know what happened.

Miss Pauling - Valenciana (from Valencia). Idk i don't wanna make everyone from Madrid y'know? And also guess what language she speaks apart from Spanish :)

Saxton Hale - Same thing as Sniper, I don't really know if he should be full latino or canario with latinamerican ancestry.

Merasmus - Idk. Portuguese? Andorran? Asturiano? Navarro? I don't know. Galician would be cool as fuck tho because there are a lot of legends and myths about magic and stuff and idk, i have a book about celtic witchcraft and i could read it i think.

Woah, this is a LONG post I am sorry. I hope you learned something about Spanish culture (which doesn't only surround about paellas and flamenco, please). And I hope I do some fanfics or fanart from this AU (can I call this an AU? i don't really know). And if anyone wants to adopt these headcanons or do a similar kind of post, you have my permission (even though you don't need to) and PLEASE, tag me if you make a fanart or something similar I would LOVE to see it <333

[volturialice]

I have a crazy stupid question: if you had to think about the Cullens and Co (or just Jasper and Alice if you'd rather) in terms of a wings!au, daemon!au and soulmate marks!au, what would you give them?? Thinking about Jasper with ragged dangerous looking sandy wings and Alice with humming bird or dove wings, Emmett with a bear familiar, Esme and Carlisle proud of their soulmate marks.... don't mind me, currently obsessed

oh funnnn. love a good AU. I myself have written a short jalice soulmate words piece, and have a (also jalice) soul scars AU in the drafts (because holy shit were they made for that scenario.)

and I happen to know that @goldeneyedgirl has written a daemon AU before! the main thing I remember from it is that Alice's daemon was unsettled into adulthood due to Trauma. I'm gonna try to forget as much as possible about the rest so I can answer without cassandra clare-ing lexie, wish me luck

daemon AU ideas

emmett - you're right, bear is a MUST. specifically a grizzly, let's be real. his daemon fights all his meals before he eats them, and everyone thinks he's a weird cannibal for it

his parents would have named his daemon a rootin tootin mountain/southern gal name. Alma or Luella or Abilene or something, idk

bella - the obvious answer is a deer but I think it would be so funny if her daemon was a sheep. the lion and the lamb!! my next idea was a pelican because of the morbid fact that they will rip off parts of their own bodies to feed their young. extremely bella-coded. I also liked that time in canon when she called herself a sloth. feels right. three-toed for sure. look at his long brown eyes

renee and charlie would have named her daemon something classic but up-and-coming for the era. bonus points if it had a vaguely italian feel, like Luca or Rafael

edward - on the flip side, I think a lion is too obvious an answer for edward, and also not an emo enough animal. his daemon should be a beetle (kafkaesque) or a new world porcupine (solitary, likes to hang out in trees.)

his daemon would have a fancy frilly old-world name, maybe roman-sounding. Priscilla or Portia or something. Faustina would be hilarious

esme - something delicate but cozy. a butterfly? a wren or mourning dove? a guinea pig or rabbit? I'm leaning rabbit. for those of you who insist on girlbossifying esme, she could maybe be a hyena—I've heard that at least one subspecies will adopt and raise orphaned cubs. can't remember if it was spotted or brown? hyena experts weigh in

esme's parents gave her an unusual name for its time and place, so her daemon would probably get the same. Jory or Ari, maybe something more french like Benoit

rosalie - could also get a hyena tbh, since they're girlbosses who are unfairly villainized in fiction. also feel like a tasmanian devil would be a cool mammal option for her. other than that, I could see her with a cool bird of prey daemon, maybe a falcon

her daemon would also get an elegant name, maybe one that hasn't aged well. Maximilian, Isidore, Clement, Reginald

carlisle - my first thought was an orangutan because their 'solitary intellectual' vibes remind me of him during his pre-family era. or maybe something else intelligent but more social, like an elephant. very compassionate guys

and I know carlisle was raised anglican, but i think it would be so funny if his daemon had like a mayflowerass pilgrim name. Temperance or Chastity the elephant

jasper - honestly just like a scarred up, one-eared doberman rescued from a dogfighting ring. I know canon compares him to a lion nearly as often as it does edward, and I guess a big cat could work too (but I wouldn't pick a lion. something more solitary, like a leopard or puma.)

and I think his parents had boring-er name taste than "jasper" suggests. maybe something nicknamey, like Hattie or Lil

alice - a tough one because there are so many possible answers. maybe some kind of flashy bird like a quetzal, or an agile small mammal like a tamarin or lemur. tbh she could just have Mort

his name would also be something vaguely classic. maybe Cecil or Marcel or Claude

(yes I realize I just gave everyone cool birds and mammals. and what about it)

wings AU ideas

you have some fun ideas there too! I'll admit I've never really written or read a wings AU. I think jasper should get some ragged buzzard wings since he's desertcore. alice could totally have hummingbird, or magpie would also be cool since they're kinda mod.

I think esme could get the dove wings, or maybe finch or bluebird. bella would obviously need something brown since that's her favorite color. emmett could get the classic red-tailed hawk coloring, carlisle maybe a barn owl. rosalie something cool like a kestrel

aaaand this post is already way long so I'll save any soulmate mark ideas for a different one. whew! thorough question there anon

[zalrb]

I MUST REALLY LOVE MY FOLLOWERS - BRIDGETON 3.01 review

1. "Dearest gentle reader, did you miss me?" Me:

2. I'm not doing this recap.

3. I maintain that Nicola should be Belle in the next live action we'll eventually do.

4. Idk man, Kathony just feel SO unnatural.

5. MINI MOUSE MAN NEXT TO BIGGER MOUSE MAN

6. Who will be the prize of the season? And it's Colin?

7. All of these women are gorgeous and all of these men are like basic white bread. I -

8. I'm upset because this is supposed to do something for me

and it's resolutely not.

9. Oh please. Francesca looks like every other woman there.

10. Prudence is probably the only character I somewhat like. I think. She's the terrible one, right?

11. I might like that family the most because they're the schemers. They're actually DOING QUASI-INTERESRTING THINGS.

12. Colin is a fuck boy without fuck boy good looks. Please stop it.

13. And I'm not saying he's ugly. I am saying he's plain.

14. This is my problem with Bridgerton. It SHOULD be fun. And it's punishing.

15. Where the fuck is Edwina? I DON'T CARE ABOUT KATE.

16. They should shock us all and have Edwina come back and just murder everyone like Carrie.

17. Leave her alone, Colin.

18. I know the point of this season is Polin but I already know she deserves better.

19. GIVE ME MORE OF THE BICKERING SISTERS. They're terrible. I'm interested.

20. "Well that's your fault for marrying men without title!" But Prudence's man is one of the, like, two most good looking of them all, so you know.

21. OOOOOOOH IS PENELOPE GONNA WEAR LAVENDER NOW? THE COLOUR OF LOOOOOOOOVE.

22. Considering that I barely pay attention to this show, did Penelope do like irreparable damage to Eloise and her family for this fallout to be as serious as it's meant to be?

23. That's a genuine question.

24. This Kanthony love scene is ... awkward.

25. Kanthony? Kathony? Whichever. Whatever.

26. And even when he goes down on her I'm like idk, Outlander would like a word.

Someone is BANGING ON THE DOOR and Jamie does not stop until Claire orgasms, so.

27. So Penelope is basically "draw me like one of your French girls, Jack" but with clothes.

28. The one thing Bridgerton had going for it was the music and I'm not hearing any classical renditions of pop songs. What is the POINT?

29. This ball looks like every other ball in this show.

30. Oh, there's the music. abcdefu is a good choice for her, I do have to say the music choices are at least better than TSITP. She SHOULD be talking to Colin as it plays though.

31. I'm not sure why I hate him, I just do.

32. If she enjoys embroidery let her enjoy embroidery, Eloise. Don't "not like OTHER girls" them please. Jesus.

33. "D-do you all like to read?" I get it, Pen.

34. TELL US ABOUT YOURSELF. NOW. Isn't Francesca meant to have a chaperone? Isn't there a dance card or something? Aren't there RULES?

35. I'M ONLY 30 MINUTES IN?

36. Original Mouse Man, what are you doing? Aren't you a viscount with responsibilities?

37. "I expected conversation, I did not expect to be inspected--" then you weren't prepared at all for this. This is the ERA for that, should you not KNOW? WHAT?

38. Everything is muted and dramatic at the same time.

39. Oh, Kathony in another scene. Are they going to try and have sex?

40. Yes.

41. "I've already spent YEARS taking care of Edwina" I mean, did you?

42. "So why don't we put ourselves first for once?" I MEAN, DIDN'T YOU?

43. BRO, WHERE IS YOUR SISTER?

44. "We have our lives to be viscount and viscountess" man, pull a Downton Abbey and kill him.

45. "Think of the balls as..." You should've had this conversation BEFORE the ball.

46. "It pains me to see you upset." "Then perhaps you should not have come." Ha.

47. "and what I have learned is charmed can be taught" which is funny because Colin isn't charming no matter how much the show tries to convince me he is.

48. I suppose it's better than watching Theo James.

49. AND HE WILL FALL FOR HER DURING THE LESSONS.

50. The handshake is supposed to be a Moment and it's interesting because it's called attention to and yet also breezed by at the exact same time.

51. LOL what she wrote was SO TAME especially for a MAN in THIS society? "Is this new character the real him or is it a ploy for attention?" DAS IT??? Please be serious.

52. oooh drama, if he finds out who Lady Whistledown is, he'll destroy her life. It's just hard to think there are stakes when it's ... Colin.

DONE.

[iantimony]

BIG tuesday

i skipped last tuesday because i was working on a take-home exam and simply did not have the time nor the inclination, so: beefy tuesdaypost today!

listening: my brother recommended 'dead magic' by anna von hausswolff and boy what an album. gothic, punchy, very vibey. the kind of album you let wash over you like an ocean wave.

pulled 'mostly kosher' from my to-listen list. fun, funky, very jewish, good vibes. ikh hob dikh tsufil lib

i've continued to mainline borodin symphonies 1 & 2. idk they're just hitting right.

and the new pieces for the orchestra i'm in - very french this time round: debussy's fêtes: kinda spooky and ominous and also fluid in a fun way! lots of buildup that seems to resolve into nothingness. horn parts for this are pretty good, not too difficult but are definitely Heard. chabrier's españa: really bumpin horn parts. fun bouncy motifs. what's not to like.

pocasting-wise, i'm up to partizan 38. 10 episodes left!!! the home stretch!!!!! it's so good but things are definitely amping up in the end-of-fatt-season way.

i've also listened to my friend b's gotham tv show podcast 'jim gordon must die'. very good and funny. i laughed out loud at some of the episode 3 descriptions.

reading: i was stuck in Bad Airport Times this past saturday (flight delayed 3 hours, then sat for an hour on the tarmac, arrived at 10pm when i was originally supposed to arrive at like 630) so i blasted through all ~150k words of 'freefall' by Kunoichi21 and xoTsundoku. bog-standard mafia au, but with a fun little circus arts twist; fun background fengqing; i do not like that they made beefleaf wholesome. give me my toxic beefleaf god damn it. but otherwise it was a fun read, sappy romcom-style. the fic itself isn't quite done but it's in endgame. the author notes have peak fanfic culture energy of "hey guys! sorry i didn't update, i started nursing school and my dad died" bro .... ;___; goddamn. please take care of urselves

watching: we are almost done with kill la kill! last two eps!!! so tonight we're doing that and also watching last week's dunmeshi together.

friend and i finished comrade detective. incredible. no notes. so funny. we started 'endeavour' which is a detective morse prequel thing and goddd the british-isms, and also started serial experiments lain. i don't know what i was expecting but god it was not this. i literally thought this was a cute fun hacker mystery show in the energy of cowboy bebop. it is Not That. not even close. it's good though i'm enjoying it. currently staggering through life going uhhhhh like lain does in the first few eps.

playing: fallow. i am re-installing disco elysium on my computer though. ive been wondering if i should try to keep going on the save file from last year or if i should just start over because i barely got in there at all.

making: many things. pottery!! some good some not as good.

so this design came out SO nice but the underglaze is so gd streaky! i hate it !!! i don't think it's really fixable either, i tried the hairspray trick to put new solid glaze over top the inside so at least that would look less like shit but i could not get it to work. maybe sanding it down? idk. it's ugly. it was supposed to be a bright teal but the woman who runs the studio mixed the batch up wrong so it's like. a really drab gray and not in a fun or intentional way. idk.

some new bisque:

teacups came out! still mismatched but cute nonetheless! gonna do them in a sort of celadon-type color with white flowers to match the teapot that my SO has :)

i don't feel like adding more photos for these lol they're very boring. the pot for my mom came out fine i think. gonna go in with normal white glaze over top to paint in some trees or other botanical designs. i sponged the underglaze on so hopefully the final result won't be streaky. sponged red on my seder plate to hopefully accomplish the same thing. mugs came through the bisque with no issues but i didn't do anything fun with underglaze on one of them so no new pics of that, but the other i did this tree thing again:

i KNOW it'll be streaky as hell. i just know. so i'm considering how i want to do it. perhaps putting some slightly transparent green over the top of it all to meld it together? unsure.

some new stuff: made a citrus juicer, this was attempt number 2 and just barely got it to work, attempt 1 was a total disaster. also made another mug type object, hopefully it'll still be wet enough this weekend to slap a handle on.

two mugs with red clay, i really loved the lascaux mugs that jessica bartram put up for sale last year but i didnt snag one in time so i was like. fuck it. i will make my own. gonna let them dry to leather hard before going in with black underglaze.

i've been trying to draw again but. idk. i just feel very uninspired. i start drawing and it's like :| :| :|

eating: i was on my own food-wise for much of the last week because my roommate was babysitting for the rabbi, so i did not eat nearly as extravagantly as i normally do, LOL. i made a lo mein recipe that was kinda just a stir fry. this could have been my fault because i added a bunch of extra shit like bok choy and mushrooms. i also didn't use the correct type of noodle, and i didnt have oyster sauce so i used worcestershire, etc. many substitutions so it's probably not fair for me to say it was Just Fine. will have to try again at some later date actually following the recipe. herb and radish salad with feta and walnuts: delicious. 10/10. i tossed in some extra arugula and that was also good. and i made the tofu brussel sprouts tahini/hoisin sauce thing again because it's easy and tasty.

misc: visiting my grandma right now ...... entrenched in the ennui .............. spring break ........................

[metalandmagi]

I'm re-watching High School Musical the Musical The Series (again) and even though I love this silly show so much, I'm compiling a list of things I would change for my own sanity. Get ready for some of the most niche nitpicks you can imagine!

Give the poor background kid who plays Ryan in HSM during season 1 his part back. We only ever see this kid during the "Status Quo" dance. He's not even in "Bop to the Top." I love Seb, but dang it, Sharpay and Ryan are an iconic duo.😞

Figure out what to do with EJ from the beginning. He is such a good character at his core, but the writers fumbled the bag with him so many times.

Ashlyn or Seb should have gotten offered a spot at the Youth Actors Conservatory instead of Nini. You know they carried that musical, and then we could have avoided the entire YAC arc.

More Natalie Bagley (the stage manager). She's hilarious and has a good voice.

More Kaden (background guy with bleached blond hair). Idk I just like him for some reason 😅

Make Seb the Beast in season 2. Justice for Seb!!!!!

The award that they want to win in season 2 not only has a cash prize, but a scholarship too! If the wildcats won, that scholarship could have seriously changed someone's life!

Lily seems like the type of person who would let the Wildcats perform The Rose Song and let them get disqualified without telling them about the rule. Just saying...

Why are the Wildcats ordered to stop production on Beauty and the Beast for going to North High and literally not doing anything, while a North High teacher stole their property and yet doesn't get punished? Also, why do they just drop this plot point later? I don't remember seeing it get resolved.

Ditch Ashlyn's "make way for Belle" attitude at the beginning of season 3. Seriously, what's up with that? Do the writers know her at all?

WE NEVER GET TO SEE JET ACTUALLY PLAY HANS!? WHAT IS THIS NONSENSE?

We never find out what Carlos was aiming to do by changing the Frozen cast list. Who did he want to play?🤔

This is going to be an unpopular opinion, but I didn't need Maddox and Ashlyn to get together. We could keep the arc about Ashlyn (and Big Red) discovering she's bi at camp, but I just don't feel the same chemistry as I do between her and Big Red. They're fine together; there's nothing really wrong with the ship. I just didn't like the way Ashlyn and Big Red broke up. And it felt a little like both Ashlyn and Big Red had to end up with people of the same gender to somehow "validate" the fact that they're both bi. (Yes it's a funny reveal at the end with the fake French kid revealing that he likes Big Red, but the point still stands). Again, Ashlyn and Maddox isn't a bad ship at all, I just feel like everything between these 3 could have been handled better.

Get rid of Dani is season 4. I'm sorry, but she doesn't add anything to the show (even though she gets chiller by the end). Nothing against her, she's just a nothing character.

BRING BIG RED AND SEB BACK FOR THE ENTIRE LAST SEASON! And scrap the cheating plotline. I don't have the patience for this nonsense.

I love Miss Jenn and Mr. Mazzara being end game (they're just like Luke and Lorelai from Gilmore Girls!!!!!), but there has to be a better reason to break up with Ricky's dad. It felt so rushed.

Where the hell were all the extras that end up in the musical when Miss Jenn needed eight people to show up to the rehearsal? The main characters ditching that important rehearsal already annoyed me, but you'd think she'd get some of the ensemble to show up. Even if they said that most of them are doing the movie, some of them could have showed up, considering how big the ensemble is in the end.

Also in season 4, they talk about Miss Jenn and Mr. Mazzara's first meeting, but don't we see their first meeting back in season 1? Like...isn't it completely different?

As much as I love Miss Jenn wanting to continue teaching, I feel like she should have gotten her Broadway moment, at least for a little while. She was born to play Glinda.

I need to see Emmy become Natalie Bagley's protégé. They deserve to rule the world.

We needed an Olivia cameo at the end of the series. It could have been her face-timing the Wildcats. It could have been the camera zooming out when the rest of them were singing "Born to be Brave" to have her watching the video. Something! Anything!

[thenebuleuse]

Thoughts (since I don't write on Tumblr often

I've been following Jeff's career since like...mid-Kinnporsche airing, I don't remember exactly when but like he had the first 3 songs from his new chapter phase. And honestly, I'm really proud of the guy, like from the cutesy songs he started with to working on a well-defined style and universe, to his now international stardom...Congrats!!

I'm also wondering about the album since he said there was 12 songs, (and we're missing single 9) and Stranger might be released inside the album but there's at least 1-2 new songs. He basically gave himself the opportunity to promote for a long-ass time with all these MVs (and thanks the sponsorships+the money he made for this clip budget) but that also means very little new songs. Like for album 2, is it going to be a mini-album? Or a normal-sized one? Is he going to go the one MV one song way again?

I don't know how thaï music industry works but it's going to be interesting. I hope there's Covid precautions in place at his concerts because I would hate for him to have his career shortened that way. Like fans, please wear masks. I wanna hear the high notes, and he's basically set himself up by having one high note per song (no, you don't need it Jeff) and that makes it hard to not to have public, embarassing false notes (is it how you say it in English? I'm French btw)

The studio posting in advance the Cartier Paris event schedule is funny, I've visited the museum and it's absolutely a visit during opening hours on a normal opening day. They probably privatized it with lots of money, but if they don't it's gonna be funny to see random art students going "who's that guy/why is there so many celebs??"(Paris museums are either closed on Monday or Tuesday, depending if they're state museums or city museums)

He's made quite a lot of connections last year, going from the first partnerships (the cat food one was mandatory) to high-end partnerships with luxury brands. I would love to know what made him choose these ones and reject the others but we will never know what has he been offered.

Also, Chuang! Except for one of the mentors I didn't know, it feels weird to see people I've seen being rookies listening to seniors becoming the judges of today, when the judges used to be people who weren't known celebrities to the idol fan watcher. Now my idols are another idol's idol! Like I'm going to watch a show (on and off because I'm busy) because of the judges and not the contestants! In terms of the competition, I wonder how they're going to be promoted, especially since it's a girl group. Like, when Produce/Chuang was created, it looked unrealistic, and here we are! I think the girls version of the show tends to be the first, and idol girls seem less "guaranted success" than the nth boygroup. Idk about thai music industry again, so idk how idols survive, because the only idol girls I kow in Thaïland are Sizzy from GMM..We'll see, but I hope the show fulfills its role of career launcher without scandals or evil editing.

Back to the actual topic, seeing the Jeff pyjama pic for the show's filming is making me wonder if he's going to be styled in Valention the whole time. If it's the case, we could literaly have a guessing party before the episode teasers, though he's a wild card since he picks women's clothes too. Please show, make him wear a skirt! A pantaskirt?

Also, his haircut, an actual discussion topic (but kpop idols announce comebacks by hair colour, so why not?) is making him look like he's somewhere between 18-22. Like it's only when he styles it back that it doesn't give him too much of a baby face. For his movie, I think they're filming backwards or not in order in terms of time period, because I don't think they're going to do bald cap if he needs to have no hair. We might get short military-like (I hope he doesn't keep it, I love the long hair). But also, is it me or he's started working out the Dorito back way? Like, he's got more arm and shoulder muscles than without workout, but last singing appearance he really looked "guy who works out to have a triangular back" and that may be movie-related as well? Again and again, idk.

I don't really write about stuff a lot, the thoughts often stay in my head, but yeah, here they are!

For his next career moves, I'm mostly curious about how much space he's going to give to acting or being in reality shows, since he's a singer first. I think Wuju is going to be his last work with Barcode as a partner, but I'm curious about where he's going to be casted if he does series again, like he has more options than just the BOC productions (unlike Barcode) and he may become a "pass-around, no fixed ship actor. But we're making plans on a comet now, and I really should go back to working, so bye for now!

[merchantarthurn]

all i have to say about the miraculous special aside from incoherent happy noises is that it's exactly like every fanfic i hold dear in that it felt so self-indulgent when it came to fun "what-if" scenarios and also really hit on like. actual fun character beats (okay turns out i have things to say, so here's a spoilery read more)

starting immediately with the alt theme song with gabriel was so inspired i had to immediately pause and lose my mind.

gabriel as a significantly better dude who is just failing to connect with his son during their very different grieving periods is legit so much more interesting than i expected from a "character morality flip" moment

alya and nino being still on the resistance team fills me with a lot of delight for so many reasons - character related, but also for the alt-universe actually not being a 'everyone is a different alignment' universe. the overall universe and characters perceptions of themselves or how they dealt with their grief is clearly completely altered for the ones we see changed. like... gabriel seems to have started off in a similar spot but the specifics of the universe meant he changed teams for the better. emilie seemingly dying much more suddenly and the general turmoil of the universe (and presumably not going to school with the other kids?) leading adrien to not process his grief in the same way. marinette never meeting alya and not finding the courage to stand up for herself without threats and power. damn...

betterfly is a stupid name and i love that. just remember that his name is just "butterfly" and not "hawkmoth" in french okay.

shadybug is also very silly but it's a pretty perfect alternative for 'toxinelle' and also so funny

the only knock i will give the episode is she changed her hairstyle at the end. shadybug's whole look was 10/10, she could have just shifted the colour scheme for the friendly vibe. i also think chat should have kept the green hair and maybe just gone with green eyes.

on cool outfits: the butterfly + ladybug combo looked gorgeous imo i will not argue on this

i was not expecting the episode to make me feel things but it was genuinely very sweet how both AU-duos got a mutual pep-talk. like this was a perfect time in s5 for it to be set - marinette's still struggling to find belief in herself and adrien is freaked out about what his power could do to someone, and his own self-control about that. and their chats with their alternate selves help them settle something (at least for now) in addition to helping the other!! their AU selves definitely have more to deal with given.. everything, but that's for another time im sure >:) i really do like that despite their Attitude they are just treated like kids with problems y'know? honestly i wish adrien had longer to talk about his grief cos i think that's a really valuable bit of telly for young'uns who've lost a parent y'know?

there's some #Logic you could do about identity reveals but honestly i do not care, because an actual fanfic where they're like "hey butterfly man if you told us who you were we could stop monarch way faster" and that resulting in some good!gabriel and chat/adrien chatting with him knowing who hawkmoth is like... ARGH. imagine. i feel like there's so many reasons he wouldn't want to expose his identity even to allies and we didn't need a scene where that was explained and i'll fight anyone who insists it's a ~cinema sins plothole ding~ that it didn't happen. if it's not in the show you get to fanfic it in many flavours. this is a WIN actually.

generally ive been so happy with season 5 and this just. ah. idk i was just very happy the entire time. im sure there'll be a lotta folks bemoaning this that and the other and that's fine! please have fun doing that cos i know people do but man mlb is to me my fun baby show for babies but season 5 feels like it went "what if this show was everything you already loved AND it gave you catharsis on like 30 different things on a show you've been watching since episode 4"

[otakebi-cam-wao]

pd101 japan the girls ep 9 by a harowota

you know the deal

opening words hit kinda hard

ONE TWO THREE LEAP HIGH!!! leap high brain rot

why elimination feelings recap?! me sad i miss S. Kotone

the concept groups feelings being either saved or having lost members is so :c

Ayane is ambicious, quite sure some might take her words a bit insensitive...?

ahhh saved teams must chose the ones they think they need (toxic's case)

everyone (except Ran, who choose Yuuki) choose for the 1st one themselves?

oh and Ayane put Joa 3rd

ow Joa felt impossible to add herself there

ohhhh &ME time, saved ones

Koto unsure poor thing

poor Tsuzumi, can't choose

AtoZ time here

Shizuku wants S. Kokona

PARUTAN IS SO CUTE

Popcorn team, idk, N. Kokona wants Joa

who stays for &ME?! (as if i didn't saw images before... remember half)

bye Rinon, let's see you in your group for this (which i totally remember... i don't)

awwww Rinon!!! (i love and hate how i get attached to these girls)

who stays for TOXIC?!

bye Miyu, Joa, Hazuki... let's see you later (poor Miyu, she was leader)

all of them are so cute!!! (feels like sisters, all sisters)

NOOOOOOOO AYANE SAD (well, all sad)

how they join the groups? who decides?

ohhh they divide

AtoZ team so cute!!!

they got Rinon and miyu

AWWWWW THEIR SIGNS

CUTE GIRLS SO CUTE

they look like little sisters to Miyu and Rinon here, idk

"Ai no reson" - Sakuraba Haruka (love you parutan)

wait... so Baddie got intact... ohhh nice

Mena is like "they're good and i'm glad, but don't want to lose my positions and might lose them)

POPCORN CHAOS

they're so fun!!!!

how they planned it, how they received them, so cute and cute!!!

Joa in popcorn is interesting

ohhh uncle hongee is presenting this as well

Yumeki strict w his fan that wrote Yumeki in kanji, wtf

global producers!

Tsuzumi's "Daisuki" to her french fan (who lives in Korea but speaks japanese, funny remark)

the benefit thingy makes me feel so bad

being 7th is 0 votes, at least give them 100... this is so sad

Koakuma (Baddie) time!!!!

CLAW-me cool and cute at the same time!

YURARA CENTER?!

they look so cool, OMG I WANT YUI'S FIT

oh, ofc, rehearsal, and it's Hana's team so and she's 35th, so is hard for them

all missing Ema-chan :c c:

they got a letter from Ema

awww Ema

DO IT FOR EMA

ohh Ema was supposed to be center, wait... Ranka center? :/

when it changed to Yurara? (better)

ohhh Ranka wanted Yurara to be center and gave it to her for preffer the rap, nice tbh

poor Yurara, girl is worried

Hana is leading ohhh

Baddie is complex as i understand Keiko

they're so wow after that discussion of the concepts, feel them kinda explosive

this is fun group as well

so cool, sexy and cute

wow Yumeki's opinion

i can hear Yui having troubles with the lower notes

i love how Thelma seems so fun as a instructor, Thelma is big sis for sure

OMG THE FITS!!!!!!!! i wanna be that cool to rock those outfints, maybe not Ayano's tho, furr jackets seem so weird for me

PERFORMANCE!!!

best teamwork are you saying Thelma?!

WOOOOOOW YURARA ON THAT INTRO SO CUTE AND COOL

me likes me likes

omg Yui! Hana! Yurara! Keiko!!!

ojhduiafhuyfsghjsdgabfuyh Keiko and Rino!

i'm weak at that type of fanservice, sorry

kinda wanna cover this song ngl

SUGOI SUGOI FOR REAL HONGEE

ehhhh Hana's monitor fell?! went unnoticed

owww Ayano you did it nice, idc how many votes you got, you all shined (even Ranka...)

true, they enjoyed this a lot!!! i agree w hongee

next one is? AtoZ!!!!!!!

i have high expectations but not in how ever you may think

Tokimekki (why traduce the name you mfs?!)

firts love song, expectatives go up

no one wanted this one? (tbh i agree Parutan, i'd want koakuma too, i guess Haruka doesn't want more cute songs?)

Mena keeps being leader and center, but she handled it good, i think

oof Rinon wants the rap, but also Mena

Rinon took the rap

tbf, Mena's voice in the rap is not bright, as Rinon's

Miyu is so good at expressions and again sooo ii onee-san

oof get the same group she was in before joining the dance room is hard for Miyu...

everyone helped her to focus tho

ohhh Parutan is another that quited school, but doesn't regret it, that's good, hope she never will

auch Mena off key

ohhh recording footage

iugh i saw pro tools (i hate pro tools)

awww Parutan looked so cute recording!!!

Mena has many problems to record

2 and half hrs for Mena recording?!

they're supporting her so cutely

i love to hear the hint of classical on Shizuku even when it's almos unperceptable

Yumeki being cute and not scary and kinda therapeutic, make a wish!!!

they look so cute, i wish i could handle cute looks like those, but i cant

Hina and Parutan are all in my eyes

Shizuku so interesting sounding

cute song, me likes

Miyu is master of expressions and taught them nicely

Rinon is so cute cool cute

Miyu is cute sexy cute here

Kagura is cute cool

the rest cute cute, but in different ways

AMAZING me liked, feel so sweet, i hope popcorn isn't much sweeter or i'll get diabetes

Parutan's words for Yumeki so cute, her improvement as well

PARUTAN MAKE IT TO DEBUT WHEREVER

&ME time

Nalala?... kinda boring name

cute cool white uniform-ish outfits, like, but too white... kinda oujosama-ish tho Tsuzumi's is less oujosama-ish tho

idk what to say here, but i sense the troubles they have and had with the rehearsal footage

Miu's funny comment bout choosing center

awww Koto&Yui (Yui hyping Koto)

everyone here's in crisis?! Koto, Suzu, Kokoro?

poor Suzu, i think

Ran words are nice, ngl, i also think i got a 180° turn mindset after those words, and i'm not even sure about what

NAKASONE!!!

Koto isn't there, Koto got sick :c

still sick for last rehearsal?! I feel so sad

Nakasone got me sadly annoyed, but i get it why, but then mother, and then profesional mother

still kinda worried, KOTO WAS SICK!!!

is she sick in the performance?!

wow i haven't talked bout Momona

CUTE TSUZUMI!!!

i can finally see a bit of brightness on Suzu

Momona is my dear Kassa that i remember always but pro-er somehow

everyone cool, tho idk how i feel bout this song, is cool and cute, more cute tho... but there's a something missing... idk

nice performance, nice all, i'm just worried Koto was still sick there

she wasn't totally fine yet, trainers said it, wasn't noticeable, but still worried

i could have said more bout everyone, but idk, no words, and weird feelings

POPCORN TEAM!

kawaii

everyone a flavour of popcorn cute!!!

lol cute Serina!

new F7avors (don't like that 7 there... but cute, all are xxFx)

i'm curious bout cute Joa

uhhh Joa had hard time for sure

lol Serina was the only one wanting to be center after reformation

poor Hazuki can't remembers choreo

Joa extra work

i can't talk bout their meeting but it feels, dunno how, but feels

Sakura is so funny

Nakasone made them go outside!!!

and look from affar

Serina wasn't last rehearsal!

oh nooooo pain, back, or hip?

poor Serina!!!

hope she didn't got it worse after performance

i like they're colour coded, that's idol!

lets go

SO CUTE START!!!

NAGOMI BBY!!!!!

i like this song!

cute Joa!

everyone but wow cute Joa!!!

from cute cute to cute sexy to cute cute?

HYPER CUTE

cute Joa is amazing

all cute

ohhhh Kokona speaking english cute!!!!

I'm gonna speed up stuff cuz gotta sleep, but let's go Toxic

they look sexy

CharmHolic... interesting name

ohhh Kokona says it's a sexy song, makes sense (also the name and fits)

kinda want Yuuki's fit and Momoka's

ok, so, Yuuki leader

Momoka suggesting change on positions

ofc Ayane wants main vocal, girl is confident on her voice

Momoka, Yuuki and Tsukuchi battle for the raps part

Momoka rap (enjoy what you lost one time)

Yuuki got sub vocal 2, so Tsukushi rap 2

so they're discussing the type of sexy the song is, interesting

Ran woks so well with everyone, idk, Ran shines whereer she is because she seems to try her best to make everyone else shine as well, that's what i think at least

Kokona, u can be sexy, believe it!!! (i'm not one to talk tho) also work on expressions, that helps, but you're expresionless

had to put x2 speed

They got Ayane embarrased at recording

c'mon Kokona, u can do it, i know it's hard

Kokona is doing it!

let's go

poor Yuuki, doesn't know how to sing that part!

awww Yuuki and Nano, they were in the same club so it seems so wholesome the help

PERFORMANCE!

new Kokona you say Nakasone? okay okay

i got cautivated by everyone but the song is not my type of sexy song, but nice nice

wow

fr it's a new Kokona

idk what are Momoka's vibes, but i want them and also wanna be under the charm of those vibes (in which way? idk)

not Ayane being the only one becoming cute cute in her solo camera portion after the end! she had a sexy vibe but cut it anyways, love it!

but omg MOMOKA

back to speed up more

every one was amazing!

but tbh, i think &ME was the less amazing one

let's see what people thoght

POPCORN? that was 4th for me

2 on 3rd?

Koakuma?, is my 2nd

AtoZ tied with koakuma? that was my 1st

&ME will be 1st right? ofc... but that was my last (sorry Kassa, and everyone)

Toxic was my 3rd...

sad

oh &ME places

Kokoro and Suzu 4th?

3rd? Kassa oh

6th? Rin...

7th? nooo she will get 0... Koto noooooooooooo, she was sick!

1st? Tsuzumi (deserved) so 2nd Miu

don't wanna see rank...

yes they all did good

no ranks pls!!!!

noooooooooo

they'll have prizes!!! deserved!

i don't want elimination!!!

[mccoys-killer-queen]

Seeing Dokken/Lynch Mob/Ted Poley (Danger Danger) in concert

this was just at my normal go-to venue 50 minutes away

I was VERY PREPARED THIS TIME and bought a chair, blanket, hat, gloves, scarf, wore 2 pairs of pants, and my GOOD JACKET

yes this meant ppl were judging me I JUST HATE THE COLD OK

i made line friends again this time we're gonna call them Dan and Barry and they're Elder Metalheads and told stories about protecting their wives and other children at shows

Ted Poley granted me a photo pass but no one from his management gave a fuck and didn't tell the venue so I didn't get a pass :( he's such a sweet guy tho

so this guy I was hanging out with at the Sonic Slam show last summer turned out to be my one insta friend's COUSIN LOL so the two of them plus his mom got me up at the barrier LMAOO it pays off to make friends in line

I was extremely disappointed in the merch. there were literally 3 (three) shirts to choose from. That was it. Plus you could buy a CD if u wanted. They also weren't taking card. Fuck that. I bought a double vodka cranberry instead.

due to personal reasons I think I gotta stan Danger Danger now

literally I never heard a single song by them until a week ago but Ted is just so nice and fun and he put on a hell of a 30 minute show

he also threw balloons into the crowd that we had to blow up ourselves it was hilarious

there was also this little kid next to me the entire time and Ted threw him a balloon but he didn't catch it so he knelt down in front of this kid and threw like ALL the balloons at him it was so sweet ;-;

just wanna say for the record that I was there for like at least 8 core memory moments for that child last night and that balloon story was one of them

for Don't Walk Away, Ted came into the crowd bc he said 'it looks like you're having so much fun out there, I'm gonna join you!' and i couldn't find him like the entire time eoirngwoergnwerg

he also spit like a ton of times over his head and idk what it is about concert but it always makes me want men to spit on me

honestly Ted's set was the height of the show

Lynch Mob was really good and their singer... 👁👄👁

he's got crazy eyes, he's got long curly dark brown hair, and he's a petite little bitch

he also looks like Derek Day from Classless Act and Rami Malek's lovechild

his pants were TOOOOOOO LOWW 👁👄👁👁👄👁👁👄👁 i could see pubes 👁👄👁

watching George Lynch play is an otherworldly experience

at the end of their set, their drummer threw his drumsticks into the crowd and the little boy next to me caught one and everyone around him EXPLODED with joy (another core memory moment)

at one point their bassist threw his pick and I ended up getting it off the floor and giving it to this boy too

his mom thanked me secretly rogwrgtpmrtg

idk why everyone says Don Dokken can still sing I'm sorry but he can't he's worse than Vince Neil like he was literally monotone the entire time I was disappointed

despite that we were still bangin and goin nuts

Don did smile at me 3 times tho and wave at me ;-;

his stories were funny too trpptprptg like he said in Germany they eat french fries with mayo and that's the only thing he knew out to say in german in the early 80s and it's all he would eat bc of that

also he kept gushing about the crowd and the venue and how much he loves Penn's Peak and the crowd is always wild and how the venue is in the middle of nowhere (which is very correct)

there was also a red flag where Don introduced Dream Warriors with how big Patricia Arquette's boobs were when she was 16  🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩

also based on everything I've heard from Ted, Dokken and their team don't sound like very nice people erogneorgtgpptt

I wanted to meet Ted afterwards but I didn't wanna push it ;-; he emailed me today offering me a pass at his show in NJ on Friday but I declined bc 1- I would have to leave straight from work 2- I would have to drive through Philadelphia 3- how is he sure they'll actually listen to him this time and 4- it's over 100 miles away so I'd have to invest in so much gas :( sorry Ted i want to but it's it's just not gonna be worth it

[icharchivist]

Don't have headphones on me to fully enjoy french Hades, but so far Meg's face was pretty relatable "What is he even saying" good question, Meg, really good question

And yes, I send polish Hades. Now I think it's pretty funny because most movies use lector (who now I think is probably special program), but with animations they just go over the top with voice acting and translation, everything else? Synthetic voice over original voice and enjoy

Also I read these Valentine lines and for some reason... Belial and Lucifer sounds kinda similar? Idk, just there is similar kind of energy or vibe to them with enjoying taste for longer time.

Lucilius... I would just give him failed chocolates for Lucifer... Especially those I couldn't eat myself, because too much chocolate 😂

Ehe~

LMAOO yeah sure take your time but that's an amazing interpretation of it all ahah

and oooh that's so cool! this works out very well on those at least

and as for the vday lines you mean the ones from the cards? because

THAT'S ONE WAY TO READ THEM.

i can see the idea of how they're enjoying the taste for a long time (i guess it's esp something coming from the two oldest primal beasts we know) but it's really so funny to imagine the two of them being similar while Belial is trying to be the grossest horny man in all of the skyrealms.

(also Lucifer's "i'll watch over you at all time :)" while you read Belial's "let's fall together and i'll make sure it feels good ;D" there's. a connection here. I'll stop at there because i'm too dignified to bring it up.)

as for Lucilius, well.

dOESNT STOP HIM FROM EATING THE CHOCOLATE IN THE ILLUSTRATION THOUGH.

but that's a good plan lmao, giving him chocolate for Lucifer by proxy. that works.

AND WHAT A GREAT LINEUP!!! Sandalphon and the two guys he'd kick out at anytime. Truly the best of line ups.

Congratz on them all ;D

[thatonegayship]

Oh, I fucking ROLLED in this one, straight BATHED in it, holy shit. Once again getting my thoughts together so that I write more than just a 'djhfjhskjfhajkhs' and a bunch of fire emojis.

First of all, let me just say that I absolutely love the way you opened this with that slow, building reveal. I was a bit confused going in, I hadn't expected a whole meal walking into what looked like an extra long ask at first, so it took me a second to realize you were feeding us. Like, oh? They're in a cave? There are feathers involved? Bill is complaining again? I love how you drop us into these scenes without fully explaining the circumstances. Of course, that's not really necessary with the opening note above, but it's still so cool that you don't just open with "They're in the cave because ___." Like, I'm just supposed to accept that they're there, and they're being gay about it. So true, bestie <3 <3 <3

It's always such a treat watching these two interact; they're goddamn adorable the whole time. I love those little nibbles of extra lore you give us a peek at, how Dipper's brought him home little souvenirs like emeralds and harpy feathers and stuff. Can we talk about how cute it is that he goes on these dangerous excursions without his flame-throwing husband, spends a couple days gone, and when he gets back, he's bringing gifts??? Ehehehehehehe <3 He was thinking about him!!!! He wanted to surprise him!!! He got kissed all over for it!!!

**Petition for Dipper to bring home at least ONE limb from every monster he fights so crazy familiar husband can swoon over how ruthless and scary he is**

What is this Flower Incident we speak of? I'm very interested to know more :3 Is it, perhaps, an aphrodisiac? Or perhaps something deadly? Is there a story to this that I'm not remembering??? My curiosity is piqued!!!!

I'm gonna be that bitch, but it's so cool how Bill literally just Knows languages. Idk, like you know in movies how there's always like a scientist or archologist who finds a wall inscribed in a dead language and they just go "ahh, this is the long-forgotten tongue of the Shen-ty tribe, I have studied their culture for decades and so speak a broken rendition of their language." Bill is that guy times a million. I don't think Dipper would ever admit it, but it's super useful having him around for that sort of thing, really helps them out wandering through old, abandoned caves and tombs and such.

Still, I can't help but think it would be really funny if Bill, eternal, infinite, practically-all-knowing Bill, knows nearly every language, except for, like, French or something. Purely because he thinks the French are stupid to deal with, so why bother? So he just doesn't know that language, even though he knows long-dead languages, and languages from across the galaxies, and languages spoken by different species. And I think it would be really funny if they end up needing someone who can speak French, and Dipper ends up being that guy because he took maybe 2-3 years of it back in high school. He's kind of rusty, but he gets the job done.

Bill is just so nonchalant about finding cursed items, huh? Had me shaking my head the whole time because I KNEW what was about to happen. Yeah, sure, it's soooo safe. Just put the cursed object back into the squishy mortal's hands, why don'tcha? That's like saying a landmine isn't dangerous because it's old and moldy. GET A CLUE, BILL!!! DON'T GIVE THE CLUMBSY OOPSIE-DAISY FALLS-FLAT-ON-HIS-OWN-FACE-OFTEN GUY A CURSED TABLET!!!! DON'T!!!

Their subtle affection is soooo sweet. Bill's lil hair-ruffles, and Dipper's "I think I can live with that" fjdhsfjhfdjsjhf. Living. Dying. Collapsing to the floor in a broken mess of tears. I love how Bill just tries stuffing Dipper's brain full of knowledge when he's feeling it, and Dipper's just like "HA! Nice try, jerk. My brain is a sponge and it's soaking up every last drop >:D" Their love language is just challenging each other constantly, and rising to the occasion because they're so well matched and I eheheheheheheeeeeee!!!! Had me kicking my feet a few times, ngl

And then the TRAP!!! Oh my god, the way I gasped through that whole scene. Honestly, I was a bit curious how the curse was going to happen- if maybe Dipper was already cursed, and we just didn't know it. It makes sense that the whole You Break It You Buy It moto would apply here. In this case, Dipper pays a pretty high price. Personally, I don't see 100% truth as a total curse, not unless you're a compulsive liar, but Dipper is of course an acceptation to this rule. Because the second HE tries to lie and truth comes out, Bill goes full panic-mode and starts searching. Sometimes I forget that, while they're a lot more open with each other than before, their relationship still relies heavily on mind games and half-truths and outdoing the other at all times. They aren't used to having open and honest conversations, and they definitely aren't used to telling each other everything. Made me wanna smack Bill over the head when he was finally like "but you don't usually complain." Yeah because he's a big strong man, now kiss him better, idiot.

It's the fact that Dipper said "It hurts," and just immediately braced for Bill to poke fun and mock him for it. Babe, I hope stupid Bill stumbles over himself every time and tilts your head and checks your eyes and pries your arms away gently to examine even the smallest little cut. I hope he kisses you all better, even though he's a massive dingle nut with pee for brains. You deserve the world, baby boy. You deserve it all.

NOT HIM TELLING BILL NOT TO GET UPSET FDHJHEJHWEH LIKE HE REALLY WENT THERE!!!

I feel like an unspoken rule between them has always been "Don't bring up Bill caring about you and having FeelingsTM," but you know what? Fuck that, I'm feeling sentimental tonight and I say Bill was soooo upset for those last fleeting moments, and he would've gone absolutely feral with dread if something ended up being wrong with Dipper. Something IS wrong with him, but it's not life-threatening at least! Not like last time. Last time, which I'm STILL crying over, mind you. It's so nice getting those little crumbs of reference to the whump throughout btw. I immediately knew what he was referring to when he mentioned the scar. As someone who works a lot with visuals and such, I'm like, SO interested in what that looks like. Like I re-read it, of course, and I just keep picturing what a massive scar like that would even come out looking like.

Because I'm thinking- The claws start at Dipper's shoulder, right? Sorry, my imagination gets away from me at times, so it's hard to recall when something was written, and when I've just altered it to suit my tastes. BUT! As far as I can remember, it starts at the shoulder and rips down his torso. THAT! Is a badass fucking scar, if so. I'm talking full four claw-marks just absolutely tearing across that chest in a hella cool jagged pattern. And not to be a whore, but I like to think the tip of one of the claws nicked his upper lip, so he's got the slightest corner-scar going on there 😳 No, but how fucking cool is this scar? At least an 8 out of 10, right? Like this is a badass fucking scar, and it's sexy and cool and makes Bill kinda excited once he gets over wincing at the memories. Hey! That's the price of marrying a badass human! He gets roughed up and sexy-hot with this massive, mysterious scar that just adds to his design. Now all he needs is a couple of magic tattoos and a tongue piercing, and he's Gravity Falls' Number 1 Bad Boy.

Back to the matter at hand; I'm gonna ring Bill's neck <3 Not him saying "Don't kill yourself, I'll have to replace you." BRO SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UUUUUUUP!!!! Okay, I get it, you're a whimsical bastard and you didn't mean it, but it's so hard to root for you sometimes T0T I'm sorry, I love you, may you never be wronged, but good sir, I hope Dipper speaking this level of truth inadvertently shows how freaking bad some of this is for him. The fact that he was literally like "lol yeah, it worried me sick last week that you were going to cheat on me because I'm not good enough for you." DO YOU SEE THE ISSUE WITH SAYING THAT SORT OF THING TO YOUR EXTREMELY SELF-CONSCIOUS AND ANXIOUS HUSBAND, BILL??? DO YOU????

Don't Take It Too Seriously And Immediately Baby Dipper Challenge (Impossible)

I'm sorry, but I must come to his aid. I just want Bill to ask something that he thinks is gonna stroke his ego and ends up setting off a whole landmine truth on himself. Just a full blast to the face of "I'm afraid you'll abandon me" and "I know you love me, but sometimes I wonder" that gets him thinking like, oh, shit, I may have fucked with him a little too hard. Yes. Yes, you have, and now the only way to amend it is by saying something of your own, that is ALSO vulnerable and embarrassing and sincere. After the word-vomit Dipper let out, he's probably balled in a corner out of mortification, thinking Bill's gonna mock him for this, too. How pathetic of him.

"I've done it before" had me SCREAMING by the way. Literally killed me and brought me back to life. Just fucking punched a hole through my skull and swung me over its head like a Neanderthal. I'm banging my chest at it, frfr. Might need to check me into a mental hospital later. What kinds of secrets is he keeping? STILL keeping, I should say, because we know a few of them now. I'm sort of impressed that Bill hasn't used this truth curse to his advantage and tried getting it out of him. Then again, he's not the type to want every little puzzle solved for himself. He likes the slow reveal of those special thoughts. And maybe some things are best left un-said.

Damn it Bill, I'm a little mad at you at the moment, but I am SO glad you jumped at the opportunity to squeeze a lil something outta your husband, it was so satisfying to hear. Yes, he does love you, and you are the most handsome man he has ever met in his life, it literally broke the scale he was rating you on. You are literally perfect for him. Just the most awful and wonderful being he's ever met. Dipper is literally obligated to tell the truth, and he is TRUTHING IT UP!!! Let's give it up for 100% sincerity!!!

And then he hits him with the WHAM!!!

Subjectivity is SUCH a low blow but damn it if Bill doesn't deserve what's coming to him. Of course, someone as snarky and clever as Dipper is gonna find a loophole in all of this, and that probably wasn't the ONLY one! I mean, just because Dipper has to tell the truth doesn't mean he has to tell the truth about whatever's been ASKED of him. Maybe some asks him "Oooh where is the magical key that unlocks the evil king you imprisoned???" and Dipper's just like "The capital of New Jersey is Trenton." Truth curse is easy and dumb, actually. Soooo easy.

That butt-smack made it all better, Bill. I forgive you now.

Lol omg at your last ask because imagine dippers under some truth spell and ends up spilling a bunch of secrets that Bill already knew and had stashed to use for later

This is no longer 'last ask' relevant because I had this partially written in my drafts for like a million years - but a Truth spell on Dipper would be very interesting!

So I took this prompt and didn't really answer it except in some ways.

Here's a thing!

“You never bring me any souvenirs.” Bill complains. In an all-too-whiny tone, and an all-too-close lean into Dipper's personal space.

Plus, it's a blatant lie. One Dipper shouldn't respond to. 

He does anyway. “I literally brought you harpy feathers last week.” 

“Doesn’t count! That was for a ritual you wanted to pull off!” Bill sounds miffed, though he also plants a palm on Dipper’s head and starts ruffling hair. “Now where's the emerald from last March? Or like, the headdress from that cult with all the rabbit bones? The good stuff."

Dipper grunts. He focuses on navigating back out of the cave, turning the clay tablet over in his hands.

Figures Bill would remember all the times he did get something. His memory is excellent. And he’s greedy, because a new toy every time is a big ask. 

What does Bill expect, anyway. Not every situation Dipper gets into has something to bring back. What could he even offer? An ear taken off every monster he has to fight?

Wait, no. Bill would love that.

Dipper makes a face. “You've just proved that it's not ‘never’. With examples." 

"Sure, but when’s the last time it was cool?” 

Dipper sighs. No point in arguing. Bill could go on forever about how 'unfair' it is that he doesn't get trophies from every trip, or trinkets from conquered lands, or, again, ears from every enemy. When he’s decided to complain, no reasonable argument will shake him out of it.

“Too bad, then. You’re only getting some gifts.” Dipper shakes his head rapidly to dislodge Bill’s hand from his hair. "It’s hardly the worst thing that’s ever happened to you."

“Hey! I could argue that it’s related! In fact -”

Dipper tunes out the rest of Bill’s ramble, rolling his eyes. Listening with half an ear to Bill's ongoing tirade about being a poorly kept man, and unappreciated in his time. 

Despite how much he already has, Bill always wants more. Somehow he sniffed out Dipper’s latest excursion, showing up right at the end and looking for ‘loot’.

Which Dipper, by all rights, should prevent. 

 Anything magical falling into Bill's hands can cause chaos, no matter how innocuous it seems. The flower incident alone is reason not to hand Bill anything, ever, and the fact that Dipper still does sometimes should be appreciated, damn it.

Bill's complaining on and on, but whatever. Eventually he'll get bored.

 In the meantime, Dipper turns the clay tablet around again with a frown. He found something interesting, at least.

Whatever this is, it’s definitely not a language he recognizes. The script is strange, scrawled in different directions. For all he knows he’s holding it upside down. He hopes Bill doesn’t notice until he’s figured out - 

"Whatcha got there?" Just as expected - and right on time. 

Dipper feels the tablet yanked out of his grasp, unfazed. He doesn't break his stride.

"I found it in the lair, after... you know." Charred bones, explosions - Dipper wishes he could use, like water, or something, but mastery over even one element is powerful as is. "Anyway, that monster was collecting a lot of weird magic stuff, and this was the only interesting thing it had." He shrugs. Then, because Bill will like it, adds, "So... to the victor go the spoils?"

“Now that’s the spirit!” Bill gives him a grin, holding the tablet up to squint at it. Thankfully not turning it around. One point for Dipper, on not looking incompetent.

Still, if anyone can read it…

“What language is this?” Dipper not-so-subtly leans over, trying to peek around Bill’s arm.

"Old Draconic," Bill says, without missing a beat. Humming to himself as he apparently reads the text. Perking up a bit, smile widening. "Oh, hey! Iambic pentameter."

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing, sapling. I just wish when people did the whole 'ancient poetry curse' thing, they'd get a little more creative. You never see hexameter! Or tetrameter! Not even a tasteful use of spondee.” Bill sticks his tongue out.  "Come to think of it - I don’t think anyone’s done a prose epic that made the reader wanna tear their eyes out since Joyce."

Sometimes with Bill, you have to read between the lines. The long, irrelevant babbling lines.

"Just tell me if I need to get Ford or not." Dipper says, flat. He rubs at the bridge of his nose. 

Among all the other stuff, Bill said ‘curse’. Never, ever a good sign.

Though the monster he just took down wasn’t a dragon, and that wasn’t really a ‘horde’ so much as something resembling the contents of the Mystery Shack, there’s absolutely no good thing about a curse. If Dipper somehow triggered it - 

Great. As if hanging around Bill alone didn’t invite enough bad fortune, he’s picking up parts of his own stupid curiosity.

"Nah, don’t bother with the loser uncle!" Bill waves his concern away, amused. “This is just purple prose! Buncha  ‘oooh, bad things’ll happen if you mess with my stuff.’ Totally boilerplate spellcraft with some flowery wording.” 

With a shrug, Bill dismisses the whole thing. Which includes chucking the tablet over his shoulder, but Dipper manages to snag it before it falls and shatters into a million pieces.

“Typical dragon horde enchantment. All bluster, no burning.” Bill keeps walking without a care in the world. “They’re full of hot air!”

“So I’m not cursed,” Dipper prompts, catching up to him. “Aside from you, I mean.”

“Flatterer,” Bill says, slightly warmer. He continues, shrugging. “No reason you would be! No dragons in the area, and the warning sign there’s too old. By my guess, the original horde was raided centuries ago! Just another piece of random crap that got dragged into that junkyard." And he ruffles Dipper’s hair again, in the second-most annoying way. "You’re stuck with me, though.”

Dipper ducks and twists, thus freeing himself from the minor torment. “I think I can live with that.”

One would think that chatting with a demon - one as cryptic and ominous and aggravating as Bill - would only cause irritation, at best. 

It still does, of course. But when it comes to Dipper, Bill… sometimes lays things out straight. On occasion. Especially when he’s instructing, doubly when it comes to magic. Like he’s trying to pour all the facts he can into Dipper’s brain, overfilling the cup.

If his goal is to overload this one mortal mind, though, he'll have to work a lot harder. 

Dipper gets out his notebook, while Bill looks away, and pretends he didn’t see it. Yet another poorly-veiled lesson, with Bill obviously trying to plant seeds re: actually casting curses. Tough luck managing that. His subtle lean towards chaos might escape the unwary, but to Dipper? Bill’s way too transparent.

The fact is, that Dipper absorbs things fast. Even Bill will admit it, sometimes without being prompted. 

That Includes stuff Bill doesn't even know he's teaching.

Bill’s also rambling on about historical curses, and how often these things backfire, or misfire. It’d almost sound like a series of unconnected, gossipy anecdotes, if it weren’t for the extra technical details. 

And Dipper’s not falling for it. As far as he's concerned, his first curse was his last one.

But then…

Even if he’s not going to use the knowledge, there's no reason not to learn it. Knowledge about making curses can also be used to break them, after all. Taking all the facts Bill smacked a ‘For Evil Purposes Only’ sticker on and using them to shatter an evil plan would be very satisfying.

They’re nearly out of the cave at this point, so Dipper figures it’s fine to let his guard down a bit. The monster's dead, all the traps were cleared out on the way in - everything should be fine.

He clicks his pen a couple times, and asks Bill to repeat that last thing, about the life drain. It gets a snort of amusement, but Bill’s more than happy to elaborate at length. Dipper struggles to keep up with Bill’s rapid-fire speech; he's trying to make this intentionally difficult, damn it.

Bill leads on with careless gestures and an uninterrupted stride. Getting ahead of Dipper by several meters, but Dipper’s got to note down what he says before he has to do something awful, like ask Bill to repeat himself.

Dipper is, in fact, so busy trying to write in shorthand, and walk, and not hit a stalactite with his face, all at the same time, that he sort of loses track of where he is.

And okay, maybe he trips over a rock slightly, and nearly faceplants, bonking against the sudden curve of a wall with a swear.

Dipper takes a step back, rubbing at his forehead. Annoying, but, whatever. There were a few traps around, but he pretty much cleared out the cave on the way in, so it’s probably - oh, hell.

Not fine, he dropped the stupid tablet.

Great. The only really interesting object, shattered into half a dozen pieces. So much from saving it from Bill; Dipper himself fumbled the bag.

He backs up to evaluate the damage -

The stone sinks under his foot, and something goes ‘click’.

With a start, Dipper raises a shield without thinking, arm jerking up as he wills his magic into the gesture. It's solid enough for something done on reflex, but an impact hits hard on his side, with sudden, stinging pain. 

And a pretty hard impact, at that. He didn’t get it solid enough, damn it, wasn’t expecting something physical -  

Dipper wheezes out a breath, slumping to the ground and clutching his stomach. 

Alright. So. He got most of the traps. 

He sits down, and lets his head thump back against the stone, teeth bared in a grimace. Stupid. Should have been paying attention. 

The commotion makes Bill turn his head, blinking at Dipper sitting on the ground. 

Then -  because he’s an asshole - he starts laughing. 

“I know I’m fascinating, sapling, but really?” He tuts, setting fists on his hips. “Not sure if I should be flattered that you’re obsessed with me, or disappointed that you’re dumb enough to walk right into a wall.”

Dipper sucks in a breath, gingerly touching his side. Doesn’t seem like - he glances down. Sure, it stings, and his shirt’s torn, a long, shallow cut on his stomach, just near the old scar. But that’s about it. Over to his side, an arrow rolls against the ground, stone head clicking against the ground.

Over by the cave mouth, Bill’s cackling. God, he’s a jerk sometimes. 

But he must not have seen the trap set off, too wrapped up in his own stupid bullshit, or he’d be less of one. Dipper knows that for a fact. Though he’d really, really prefer he’d never had that experience. 

“C’mon, kid. If you’re not even more brain damaged from your bump, let’s ditch this joint.” Bill jerks his head over his shoulder. 

Dipper hugs himself around the torso, grimacing. Not bothering to respond. His heart is still pounding, or he’d have a retort ready. Adrenaline’s helped him out in a lot of situations, but not with talking. He’ll get up when he’s ready.

“What, you smash your skull open or something?” Bill raises one arch eyebrow. 

Though Dipper knows why Bill’s like this, it’s still deeply annoying. He shakes his head in lieu of a reply. In a second, he’ll be calm enough to tell Bill exactly what he thinks of his incredibly poor bedside - and cave-side - manner. 

“Figures. Can’t leave you alone for five minutes without your guts spilling everywhere.” Bill clicks his tongue, folding his arms and stepping forward. “What’s the damage?”

“It hurts.” Dipper says, through gritted teeth. Then pauses. Wait, he meant to say - He shakes his head rapidly, only for more words to force themselves out, unbidden. “I got cut again.”

Again, not what he intended. Dipper lowers his chin, teeth clenched. What the hell, he shouldn’t have said that. Bill’s mocking aside, maybe he did hit his head a little too hard. Once Bill gets the mockery out of his system, he’s going to be a total pest about it, too.

With a huff, Dipper slumps. Settling in for a sulk, waiting for the next jab - But there’s no insult forthcoming. Or argument. 

In fact, Bill’s gone totally silent. Which is super weird. 

Dipper looks up at the cave entrance, expecting a comment or a question, or at least a huge grin. He tenses up, hunching over.

And meets a frozen, unsmiling face. 

Bill dropped his arms, they hang limp by his sides. His expression’s gone blank.

The next moment, he’s right in front of Dipper, kneeling and tugging at his arms with alarming urgency. 

“Alright, lemme see.” Bill’s face is very close. Though he’s trying to pull his arms away, Dipper resists out of sheer surprise. Bill growls, eye darting around until it lands on the arrow. “Oh for - Really can’t leave you alone for five minutes. Move.” 

Another pull, less hard this time. Like he’s trying to ease Dipper’s arms away.

“Wh- Hey!” Dipper plants a foot against Bill’s chest, but that hardly stops anything. He raises his arms. Holding them up, in fact, like he’s at gunpoint. Where’d this come from. “Don’t get upset, I’m fine.”

“Ha! Good one, sapling. Who’s upset, exactly?” Bill says, teeth bared, and in a deeply upset way. He tugs Dipper’s shirt, up, fingers tracing the cut before pressing into his stomach. “I’m just wondering if I need a replacement mortal this soon into your miserable existence. No big deal!”

Okay, this is too much. 

Dipper struggles up, despite Bill trying to shove him down again. Bracing himself on the cave wall, and glaring. “Calm down already.”

“I’m perfectly calm.” Bill says, through gritted teeth. At best he looks miffed, but he’s at least stopped trying to make Dipper lie down in the recovery position or whatever. With a glare, he tugs up Dipper’s shirt, prodding at the shallow cut. “What the hell, kid. I thought you said it hurt!”

“Ow.” Dipper’s stomach jumps at another poke. He smacks Bill’s hand away. “It does, alright? Quit poking.”

Bill doesn’t seem impressed. His fingers trail over the larger, older scar on Dipper’s left side, then glares at Dipper’s stomach like it’s insulted him. A beat, then - “You don’t usually complain.”

“I-” Okay, true. Dipper glares anyway. “Shut up.” 

He doesn’t complain because it’s the only option. For all that Bill whines and teases and taunts Dipper, all the time, about being some ‘fragile mortal meatsack’, already rotting before his eyes, he really doesn’t like it when it’s brought forcefully to his attention. 

God, he shouldn't have said anything. Ninety-five percent of the time, there isn’t any harm to mention. But when Dipper does ends up showing he is kind of… mortal, and it’s small, he just. Doesn’t bring it up. For all that they bicker all the time, he doesn’t like to make Bill upset.

Bill grunts, mouth turned down at the corners. He stands up quickly, folding his arms. His lip curls up in a sneer. “If you wanted attention, kid, there are way better ways to-”

Oh, fuck that. Dipper flips him off, and starts storming off. 

God, this is stupid. Whenever Dipper ever breaks a bone or something, he gets teased about being so weak and vulnerable. Which he is, but neither of them like the reminder. 

These days, it also comes with some weirdly maybe-sincere ‘kiss it better’ thing that Dipper then has to disinfect. A lot of hovering, and rambling commentary. Sometimes creative descriptions of how much worse it could have been, and Dipper never needed those, at any time. Bill gets oddly fixated on such random little moments, and it’s just -

Dipper doesn’t like it, is all. Bill gets the way he gets, it’s a lot, and it’s easier just to avoid it. If he were a different guy - a human guy, or even mostly-human monster- Dipper might try to talk to him about it.

But Bill’s a demon. Not normal, barely sane even on his best days, and worse, he’s Bill, so. That conversation would go precisely nowhere.

Behind him, he hears said demon approaching, fast. Stupid jerk. He should be as tall as his real form. That’d be fair. More accurate, too, and then Dipper could properly stomp off without Bill catching up so easily.

Already the bastard is by Dipper’s side. A tall, irritating presence. Hovering close without grabbing on, which adds to said irritation. 

Dipper leans away, but Bill catches him around the waist and drags him in.

“Don’t get so grumpy, sapling, you’re fine! A little nick in the outer layer rarely killed anyone since they invented antibiotics.” Though he pinches Dipper’s cheek, he yanks his head away with a grunt. Bill sighs. “Everything’s a-okay here! Looks like I don't have to find a replacement just yet.”

Bill’s an idiot. Dipper scoffs, though an unpleasant feeling crawls in his gut. “Oh yeah? Who would you replace me with?”

“Eh, not like I got anyone specific in mind.” Bill waves that off, nonchalant. “But I have options! Lots of options.” He bumps a hip against Dipper. “Keep that in mind before you go charging off into obvious traps.”

This goddamn liar. Dipper  elbows him in the side, because the asshole deserves it. 

Not that Dipper’s worried, or anything. From what little he’s heard of Bill’s exes in the demonic rumor mill - Bill’s been, as they say, less than successful. Already Dipper’s outstripped his longest by years.. Bill can lie day in and day out about his options, put on a brave face - but they both know he’s not going to find this again. Not easily. 

“Good luck finding another husband, asshole.” Dipper says with appropriate derision. It’s annoying that Bill even brought it up. There’s a good riposte in there, somewhere - but while his brain is coming up with an insult, his mouth runs on automatic. “But I was really worried that you would last week. I couldn’t stop thinking about it all day until you sent a dick pic. It was weirdly comforting.”

Bill turns toward him with genuine surprise. He even blinks a few times, no retort emerging, and Dipper looks back at him with equal surprise. 

Until his mind catches up with what he just said. 

Dipper digs his heels in the ground, slamming to a halt. Clapping both hands to his mouth, eyes wide.

Beside him Bill nearly trips at the sudden stop, flailing for balance with a swear.

Shit, shit shit. Dipper really didn’t mean to say that. He knows Bill’s not looking around, that he’s not interested. Cynically, that he couldn’t manage it if he was. Last week was just a one-off anxiety, like all the others Dipper’s brain comes up with when it gets too much free time. Totally irrational, and really hard to stop fixating on.

Bill keeps staring. Not angry, just confused, for long enough that Dipper wants to shrink into the ground and melt into nothingness. 

Then he asks, “What the hell, Pine Tree?” 

“I don’t know! I don’t know why I thought that. I don’t know why I said that.” Dipper cringes into himself, grimacing and ducking his head. He runs a hand over his slightly sweaty face. “I didn't even want you to know I got hurt.” 

At that, Bill snorts. “Oh, please. I’d have seen that first time I got your shirt off. You can’t keep secrets from me!” 

Dipper folds his arms, internally seething - and his stupid mouth moves to say,  “I’ve done it before.” 

This time, the silence is tense.

Dipper wipes his sweating forehead again, not daring to meet Bill’s eye. God he shouldn't have -

Before he can think, he blurts out, “I think something’s wrong.” 

“Probably!” Bill agrees, with a smile just a little too sharp. He takes Dipper’s face in both hands, eye narrowed. “Hold still a sec.”

As Bill’s eye flickers blue, and the magic between them surges -  Dipper squirms a bit, but. Well. If anything’s wrong with him - magically, anyway - Bill’s the best one to diagnose it..

Bill tilts his head to one side, then the other. After a moment, his mouth twists up into something unpleasant, eye glowing slightly brighter for an instant.

Then he sighs, and lets Dipper go. His expression is neutral, except for the slightest downturn of his mouth. His lips part like he’s about to speak, then twist up into a grimace.

Uh oh.

Whatever Bill saw, he didn’t like it.

“What?” Dipper pats his head, then his chest. If there was something weird, magically about him, he - wouldn’t be able to tell, actually. He’s too close to get a good look. Oh god, what if he did hit his head too hard, and something in his brain is bleeding, or worse. “Wait. Am I dying?”

“Worse! You’re telling the truth.” Bill claps his hands together. Though he’s smiling again, it’s brittle and annoyed. “Don’t suppose you know any curse breakers that aren’t your great-uncle?”

“Not really,” Dipper admits. Bill's words catch up to him, and he bites his lip. Then, because the situation deserves it, “Fuck.”

Protection curse. The tablet.

Damn it.

A part of a horde, from a long time ago. Messed with. It should have been something less awful. Like warts, or sprouting plants from his skin, or a big fireball. Pretty much anything else would be less awful.

Truth curses are rare, they’re difficult as hell - but judging by the words spilling out of Dipper, he’s caught a pretty strong variant.

Of all the curses that could hit him. Why this one.

Hell, maybe it’s intended to be the worst curse possible for the ‘thief’. That would explain how targeted this feels. 

And knowing Dipper’s luck, that part was explained on, like, the back of the tablet.

“Welp! Good thing I’m not short on contacts, kid.” Bill grapes his shoulder, shaking him a bit, before he trails an arm over Dipper’s shoulders. “Who wants some fumbling idiot uncle to fix this kinda spell, anyway?”

Dipper would! If it was feasible. He makes a brief attempt at shrugging Bill’s arm up before letting his shoulders slump.

The idea of Ford hearing about this is….

Dipper sucks in a breath through his teeth.

Ford really would have a way around this. He'd certainly have the best intentions, Dipper’s certain. He'd...

Also not have the best sense of boundaries.

Though he'd be doing it for the right reasons, he'd ask the wrong questions. Out of concern, and arguably valid worry; he's never fully believed that Bill can't influence him. Despite how many times Dipper’s tried to explain it to him, Ford just can’t wrap his mind around certain truths.

With this curse, though. Between poor social sense, the Pines curiosity, and what Dipper might blurt out, while compelled to answer - 

On this, Dipper agrees with Bill. They’ll have to find something else to break this.

In the meantime, he’ll manage, like he has all the other times his life has sucked. Hardly the worst case scenario. If Bill had been cursed - someone who lies like he breathes -  Who knows? Give it a few days, and he might just explode from all the backed up bullshit.

“Wait.” A horrible thought strikes. Dipper reels on his husband, eyes wide. “Are you okay?”

“What, me? I’m a perfectly moral human man,” Bill says, resting a hand on his chest, lifting his chin with pride. “A boring sentient mammal who’s never found curses entertaining.” 

Yep, Bill’s fine. As always, it’s Dipper who gets the short end of the stick. 

He breathes in slowly, and lets it out. 

Yeah. Still sucks. He’ll deal. Cursed, but not dead. In danger, but not the worst - and his husband’s being annoying, which means he’s perfectly fine. There’s a solution too - it’s just going to be a huge, annoying process getting to it. 

“So,” Bill says, slowly. Drawing the word out in a long string, while he finger-walks his arm up around Dipper’s shoulder.

Uh oh.

Speaking of annoying…

“Watch it,” Dipper hunches his shoulders, not daring to look his idiot husband in the eye. “You’re this close to sleeping on the couch for a month.” Not a big enough threat, Bill’s still thinking- “Or for a year.”

“Oh, sure,” Bill says, in a distracted tone. His fingers pause on their walk, one ‘leg’ poised on Dipper’s clavicle. They hold the position for a long moment, tapping out a little marching step - and seconds later, his palm slaps down on Dipper’s shoulder. “So, Pine Tree! How do you feel about this ‘Bill Cipher’ guy?”

Though Dipper resists, and he really tries to, the words slip out past his teeth, his lips form the sounds -

“I love you.” God. Damnit. He clenches his fists, as Bill’s sheer smugness radiates from him like heat. “And I’m thinking about shoving you off a cliff right now.”

When Bill paused, Dipper thought he might have fended this off. Wishful thinking, really, Bill’s almost impossible to stop. Dipper used what leverage he had, but all he’s managed to avoid are the worst, most invasive questions.

When it comes to Bill, that’s pretty close to a win.

Not that it’s going to feel like one.

Bill has, in fact, been encouraged. Now that he’s heard something he likes, he leans in like a weird creep. Dipper can practically hear the leer in his voice. “And on a scale of one to ten, how handsome am I?

“Ten point five,” Dipper needs to loosen his jaw or he might break a filling. Being pumped for information is bad enough without pumping up Bill’s already ridiculous ego. “You bastard.” 

Bill’s chest puffs out, there’s a strut in his stride. The grin is so wide now Dipper’s pretty sure it should hurt- and if he dares to pucker up, he’s not getting lips on his awful face.  “And am I the most clever and sexually amazing guy in the universe or what?

This time, Dipper snorts. 

“Definitely not.” He ignores the sharp, indignant sound next to him, tilting his head in thought. “For one, there’s succubi and incubi, so. Sexually, you’re not even on top amongst demons.” He glances over at the offended ‘o’ of Bill’s mouth. “And I know you’re not the most clever, because I win our debates nearly half the time. Maybe you’re up there, but not the most. And that’s just the surface level stuff.”

Dipper doesn’t have a complete cosmological view of the multiverse, but he has learned a lot. Mostly stuff he picked up from his husband, and demonic gossip. It’s absolutely enough to go on a long, long ramble about how Bill most likely doesn’t rank number one in anything. If Dipper avoids the topics where he actually is.

He’s barely fifteen seconds in before Bill starts scowling, with a grumpy hunch to his shoulders - But screw him. 

Dipper starts smiling, just a bit. Then, to be a dick, he adds, 

“The ten and a half is just me, anyway. To the average human, you’re maybe an eight..” Dipper continues, over another spluttered protest. Again, true; not everyone likes the slightly inhuman maniac cyclops look. “Six with your personality.” 

Bill groans. “Ugh, you pedant.” He squeezes Dipper’s shoulder, jostling him slightly. “C’mon, you know what I meant! What’s the real - “

“Don’t ask questions if you can’t handle the answers,” Dipper warns, jabbing Bill in the chest. So far it hasn’t been too much, but it could be. Time to draw a line. “I will suck so much fun out of this for you.” 

Bill Cipher, unintentional teacher once more. Now Dipper knows the curse isn’t about perfect truth. When he can deliberately misinterpret a question’s intent, and can go on tangents  - that means he has loopholes. There might even be more, if he tries.

And if they can’t get this settled soon, he’ll need every one of those he can find.

“Clever brat.” Bill’s frowning, but he can’t disguise the amusement in his voice. His eyebrows wiggle, his arm hauling him close -  "Go ahead, then. Anything else you wanna share?"

"I know two and half ways to kill you, Bill Cipher." Dipper gets right up in his face. He won’t let Bill push this any further. "Don't tempt me to use them."

Being face to face like this, Dipper watches Bill’s eye go wide - ha, didn’t expect that, did he. With that threat, he’ll - 

Start cackling. And weirdly, turn a little pink. Dipper feels all the momentum he had whoosh out of him like sad balloon animal. 

“Boy, you are a saucy one!” Bill whistles, low. He places his hands demurely on his cheeks, fluttering his eye at Dipper with amusement. “Oh, yeah. Talk deadly to me.”

By this time, Dipper figures he should be used to stumbling into demonic flirtation. Only it turns out it’s basically fractal in nature, and he keeps running into new and newer edge cases.

“Fun as this is - we gotta get you cleared up, and no time like the present!” Bill’s calmed down enough to scoop an arm around his waist, leading Dipper onward. “Can’t have you babbling everything to everyone, y’know?”

“What, you don’t want me telling you everything?” Total bullshit. Dipper elbows him in the side. “I thought you wanted to get in my head.”

“Hey! I didn’t ask for our game to be set on ‘beginner’ mode. That’s boring.” Bill flicks his fingers - but he’s got his ‘evading questions’ look on. “You’re lucky I’m so- oof.”

Another elbow, harder this time. Bill grunts, but capitulates. Rubbing at his eye briefly, he sighs.

“So! How many of my secrets would you say you know, Pine Tree?” Bill tightens his grip on Dipper’s waist, tugging him closer. “And I’m talking about the ones that I wouldn’t enjoy getting out in the world.”

“More than I can count.” Dipper says without thinking. Then, with thinking -  “Oh.”

Dipper hadn’t considered how much Bill’s taught him, before this exact moment. How much he’s learned. Even unintentionally. Especially unintentionally. 

Crap, even his threat before was kind of - 

Shit. There’s definitely, absolutely, no way can they go to Ford about this. Total recipe for disaster.

“See? We both got liabilities in play here.” Bill moves easily as Dipper picks up the pace. If anything he’s amused, and not feeling nearly as urgent. Another reason he’s an idiot. “All we gotta do is get you patched up quick, and no more loose lips sinking ships! Easy-peasy.”

“It better be,” Dipper mutters. Nothing ever goes right for him. And by extension, them.

“Trust me, kid! I got this handled!” Bill snaps his fingers - and smacks Dipper’s butt with a wink. “I know some guys!”