#(I meant to have a drawn out version but just couldn't figure out what to draw so I decided to write)

[on-a-lucky-tide]

Nikolai's appetite disappears over night and Price smells a rat.

cw: mention of body shaming, damaged relationship with food.

Nik loved food.

Not in the way that Johnny did, slamming an entire packet of Maryland cookies and then descending into a sugar coma, or the way that Gaz did, by seeing it as fuel to maintain a powerful and efficient body, so every macro counted. But in the way a wine taster did; there wasn't a city on earth where he couldn't steer John to the very best restaurant, be it tiny back alley taverna or sprawling five star hotel.

He loved sampling different cuisines, sourcing exotic dishes and sharing them with John (who had drawn the fucking line at sea urchin and puffer fish, because while he had never considered a rule about eating shit that could kill you in seconds, he made an ardent one in that moment). John reckoned it was a leftover from his army days when he would have had to survive on rat packs and mess food like the rest of them. He was enjoying it now he could.

So, when Nik suddenly stopped eating, it was bloody noticeable.

He'd still take John out, filling his plate and excitedly watching his face as he tried it, but he wouldn't eat himself. And if he did, it was some poxy salad or plain chicken that looked like it hadn't even glimpsed a spice rack. There were empty tupperware containers stacked in the co-pilot chair of the Black Hawk and Nik remained completely sober during a post-mission arse squeak celebration. (Where they had - in Ghost's words - bum squeaked their way through; Price wasn't sure it was technically an idiom, but he let it pass.)

"You watchin' yer figure, Nik?" Price asked finally, reclining in the wicker chair at the little café they'd stopped in. They were just outside Florence, and the tourists were just beginning to slither groggily into the sun.

"Da," Nik tapped his stomach, "I am, what do you call it, spreading?"

"You look fine t' me. More n' fine."

"I have lost some. But I still have more to do." Nik tugged at his sleeve, a self conscious gesture that John had never seen him do, and it set his teeth on edge.

"Did someone say somethin'?"

Nik swallowed and John wished he'd take those bloody aviators off so his eyes were visible. "Not recently."

"Well, this has been goin' on for months," John said, gesturing at the black coffee that comprised Nik's entire breakfast, while John had polished off the continental version of a Full English. "So out with it. Who said what?"

"I..." Nik cleared his throat, shifting in his chair. "I was not wearing a shirt on a beach in America, visiting Laswell, and a group of young women advised me to go to the gym."

"You can olympic press Ghost."

"Da."

"You can bench press over twice your own bodyweight."

"Mm, da."

"I think you go to the gym plenty."

Nik went silent. He wasn't looking at John, which meant he was embarrassed and not sure how to recover. Whatever this was, whatever had been said, he would have retaliated with his usual bolshy dismissal at the time, but up there in his Heli it would have buzzed around in his head in the quiet until it got its barbs in.

"Fer a smart bloke, you 'n' 'alf thick sometimes."

"That is what I am trying to fi--"

"Not what I meant, Nikolai." John sighed, rubbing a hand over his beard as he considered Nik's slumped shoulders. "You're good-lookin', fit, hotshot pilot with yer gold chain. This is the first time some horrid cow has said somethin' cruel, I bet."

"I might have let myself go."

"You're fifty. It's allowed," John said. "But you haven't. Yer just as built as when we first met."

"I was thirty, John. That is not possible."

"I don't think I stuttered there, but I might be wrong..."

Nik tsked at him and wrapped his arms over his chest. He tried to make it look nonchalant but it was absolutely a barrier. "I am feeling self-conscious. It will pass. I do not wish to talk about it."

"Tough shit, Nik. We're talkin' about it." John scraped his chair loudly around the table and crowded into Nik's space, leaning down with his elbows on his knees to look up into the forlorn expression on his lover's face. "If - and I mean if - I thought your health was at risk, or you were lettin' yourself go, you not think I'd get you runnin' laps with my new crop until you were fit to run missions with my team again?"

"Da, I would expect nothing less."

"Yer part of my task force, Nik. I don't accept anythin' but the best. No exceptions. Tell me I'm wrong."

"I cannot."

"And has my performance between the sheets been any less enthusiastic?"

"Nyet..."

"Right, so, engage that mensa level intelligence of yours and compute the obvious bloody conclusion."

John reached forward, continuing even when Nik tried to recoil, to run his hands beneath his shirt. Nik's belly was warm, the hair on it soft, and John wanted nothing more than to rub his damn face into it.

"I know it's gonna take time to rebuild yer confidence, Nik. Not sure yer tellin' me the whole story but whatever they said, they're wrong. Women like that, they're cruel for sport. You could look like, uh... whathisname, Chris Hemsworth, 'n' they'd still say somethin'. Gives 'em a way to cover up their own insecurity, right?"

There was a small smile of amusement and Nik's arms fell away, letting John run his hands a little higher. "I am impressed you remembered the name of an actor, captain."

"Yeah, I watched a whole film the other night..."

Nik smiled. "A whole film. Impressive."

"Cheers." John lifted his hand to cup Nik's jaw, one hand on his knee. "Still wet my knickers for you, Nik, but tell me what else I can do t' help."

"Nothing, I am... I will be fine."

"Not like you to let some bird get under your skin like that. Sure there's nothin' else?"

Nik cleared his throat, looked to the side and then finally at John's face. "You do not wish to trade me in for a newer model?"

"Jesus fuck... waiter, il conto, per favore."

"Where are we going?"

"Back to the hotel room."

"Why?"

"'M gonna shag your brains out, since they're not functionin' particularly well on the inside. Up. Double time."

Nik reached for his wallet to pay but John had already slapped his credit card on the scanner by the time he looked up. He grabbed Nik's hand and dragged him down the few blocks to their hotel, where he intended to spend the rest of the afternoon making Nik feel like the hottest piece of arse on the planet.

[stayteezdreams]

More Or Less Than Friends

Plot: You and Seungmin aren't quite friends, but you're not not friends. Feelings neither of you are sure about linger under the surface. Everything changes one night when you fall asleep at his apartment.

Pairing: Kim Seungmin x Gn!Reader

A/n: Prologue and Continuation of this scenario post. Section involving reader falling asleep in dorm is a slightly edited/extended version of the Scenario post drabble. A/n #2: I haaate how this ended but my brain decided to give up on me when I was almost done lol. I hope you like it anyways!

Requested By: Anon; I also just wanted to write it as well.

Warnings: Nothing I can think of :)

Words: 4,382

You had been Felix's friend for a few years before you met the others. It didn't take long before you became great friends with all of them, often spending time with them.

Well, most of them.

For some reason, unbeknownst to you, you and Seungmin never grew very close.

You could have conversations, and hang out, but never alone. It wasn't on purpose, there was just always someone else there. And it's not like he made you uncomfortable, it was the opposite actually.

You felt comfortable around him, you thought he was funny, cute and kind. He even made jokes with or about you sometimes, and it never felt rude. As if it was a gently way of getting closer to you. Though the distance never seemed to lessen between you.

After some deep thought, you were fairly sure you had a crush on him, or at least you would if you knew more about him. You wanted to be closer to him, but could never find the right moments. The two of you were never alone together, and even if you ended up beside each other, you never gave the other all of your attention. Through nerves or awkwardness you weren't really sure.

You didn't feel as though you had the right to call him a friend, and calling him and acquaintance seemed too cold. So, he was just Seungmin, the guy who had a place in your heart you couldn't quite understand.

Seungmin, though never showing it, felt exactly the same about you.

Ever since you became friends with everyone, he felt drawn to you, but always remained distant. Your presence almost comforted him, and he enjoyed seeing you. But he never showed it, barely even ever acknowledging you other than brief conversation or jokes, and he wasn't sure why.

Was he shy around you? Maybe. Did something about you make him uncomfortable? No, that's not it. He was comfortable around you, more so than he showed. He liked you. But he wasn't sure in what way.

There were times he would purposefully sit beside you, or walk near you, hoping maybe something would naturally bring you together after that. But any time the two of you almost started talking, or getting to know one another, something got in the middle. As if it wasn't meant to be.

Seungmin didn't understand what you were to him, but he wanted to figure it out.

So, he started to pay a bit more attention to you, focusing on the things you mentioned you liked and disliked. The more he did, the more he realized you two had in common. How had he not known you had the same favorite music, and shows, and books? Similar hobbies, or thoughts on the world. With every new fact he learned, the more he realized you were practically the different side of the same coin.

Was this why you never got close, yet were always comfortable around each other? You were akin to one another in more ways than he expected, was this why everyone said opposites attract? The more similar you are the more distance existed between you?

No matter how much Seungmin thought about it, the less it made sense. In his mind, he felt the two of you should be friends, maybe even best-friends, or more, yet you were....nothing? Not friends, not strangers, not even acquaintances really. You were an enigma in his life, that he truly wanted to figure out.

On days like this, what you wanted was to smile and laugh. So, you often made use of your friends for a distraction.

Your legs were heavy with the exhaustion of the day as you walked down the hall towards the boys apartments.

Knocking on Felix's apartment, you waited, but heard no answer. Pouting you pulled out your phone and texted Felix asking if he was home. Leaning against the wall, you let out a soft sigh after a few minutes. Trying the other apartment next door, and also receiving no reply you stood in the hall for a minute wondering what to do. The last thing you wanted was to head back to your own apartment. Your roommate was the last person you wanted to see.

You had no issues with each other, but she was overwhelming, especially on days like today. When nothing seemed to work out or make sense and all you wanted was to relax.

Rummaging through your bag you pulled out the spare key Felix had given you. You hesitated to go in, wondering if it might annoy them. I mean, they all said you could have it, even Seungmin gave a nod of agreement when Felix offered the key. You were at their apartments more often than not anymore anyways.

Sending the group chat a message warning them you were there, you made your way inside. You called out to see if there was indeed no one home. The apartment was silent and you made your way to the couch.

Flipping on the television you laid your head back and stared up at the ceiling. The day running through your mind again, only causing your heart to race with annoyance and stress all over again.

Groaning you looked around the apartment. Why did they all have to be gone today of all days?

Your eyes caught on a blanket on the edge of the couch. You recognized it as Seungmin's. Gently grabbing it and pulling it to you, you found yourself bringing it to your face. It smelled like Seungmin, a scent you had picked up on whenever he walked past, or sat beside you. As your heart fluttered you came back to your senses, looking around the apartment as if you might get caught. Your face was hot as you gently ran your hands over the soft fabric.

Lying down on the couch, and pulling the blanket over you. you stared at the television, not really watching, just zoning out. Having to wake up a few hours early to go to work today, your exhaustion was palpable. Slowly, you began drifting to sleep, forgetting you were trying to wait up for the boys.

When Seungmin came back from practice, the last thing he was expecting when he walked into the apartment was a guest.

His eyes landed on your familiar pair of shoes and he rose his brow in surprise, his heart palpitating. He knew he was the first one home as the others had more things to do at the studio before heading home as well.

You came and went as you please, and though Seungmin sometimes made comments as if it annoyed him, or making fun of the fact you basically live here to the others. He always liked when you were around, especially more so recently as his fondness and desire to know you grew.

Walking into the apartment, his eyes found you immediately. Seungmin seemed to forget how to breath as he saw your slumbering figure on the couch. As he watched you in silence, he was unaware of the fond smile that stretched across his face.

Softly and quietly, Seungmin set his stuff down before walking over to you. Kneeling down in front of the couch he noticed his blanket draped over your legs and his heart skipped a beat. Grabbing it, he gently adjusted the blanket so it covered more of you.

As he stared at you, he wondered why you came to the apartment when it was empty, and he couldn't help but worry something bad had happened. Wondering if the others knew you were here, he pulled out his phone, noticing a few texts to the group chat. Opening it, he saw your messages from almost an hour ago.

He felt guilty that you went unnoticed and received no replies. The way you spoke in the group chat was slightly off, making him assume he was correct. Something did happen.

Looking back at your slumbering face he let out a soft sigh. In moments like this, where Seungmin was looking at you, often when you didn't realize it, he always felt that same sense of regret. He regretted never getting closer to you.

He couldn't even call himself your friend without doubting it. But he desperately wanted to be more than whatever he was to you.

He really did admire you, he liked your presence, and your company. But he didn't acknowledge it enough. And he often wondered now, what things would be like between you if he did.

Would there be a chance to be more?

Seungmin sat on the floor by the couch for a while, keeping you company even if you weren't aware of his presence.

Suddenly hearing the sound of the others at the end of the building hall, Seungmin felt a sense of panic. He didn't want their loud voices and to wake you.

Without really thinking, he found himself scooping you gently into his arms and carrying you to his room.

Setting you down on his bed, you mumbled a bit as you readjusted. He stared at you with wide eyes for a moment before he let out a soft sigh, glad you had not fully woken.

Quickly going back out and grabbing your things from the living room as the others were unlocking the door, he escaped to his room before they entered.

Why was he being so secretive about your presence? They would eventually see your texts and wonder where you were, right? All he had to say is you were sleeping and tell them to be quiet.

Looking at you once more, now cuddling up to one of his pillows, he admitted to himself it was selfish. A selfish need to be the only one to see you like this.

As the apartment quieted down, the others escaping to their rooms, Seungmin gently settled on the bed beside you, sitting up against the headboard as he scrolled on his phone. Every once and a while he would steal a glance at you, checking to see if you were still asleep.

Eventually some of the others replied to your messages, asking when you went home. Seungmin wasn't sure if he should tell them you were asleep in his room or not. Should he just wait? Leaning his head back against the headboard as he thought about it, he fell victim to sleep before he knew it.

When you finally found yourself waking, you were confused to find yourself in a bed. Looking around in confusion, your heart jolted as you saw Seungmin beside you. His head leaned to the side as he slept.

Looking around again, you realized you were in Seungmin's room. You had never been in here before, but it was easy to see it was his, even if he wasn't beside you.

Why would he bring you in here? Had the others come back, was that why? So you didn't get woken up?

Your heart raced at the thoughts passing through your mind. Looking back over at him, you admired his sleeping face as butterflies swirled through your stomach.

Deciding he must be uncomfortable, you gently shook his shoulder, causing him to wake up. As his eyes met yours he sat upright, suddenly nervous. He hadn't meant to fall asleep, nor had he thought far enough ahead to know what to say when you woke up.

"Ah, you're awake."

You nodded as you sat up, "Did you bring me in here?"

Seungmin swallowed nervously as he nodded. "You seemed to be pretty tired and when the others came back I didn't want them to wake you."

You smiled at him and his heart flipped.

"Thank you."

"Did something happen today?"

Your heart skipped at the question. Was it obvious? You bit your lips lightly and nodded as you picked at the blanket still draped over you, "Long day."

He nodded softly, watching you. As you noticed how dark it appeared outside you sat up. "Oh... I should probably go, it looks like its pretty late."

Seungmin realized you were right, you had both slept until after sunset. He shook his head softly, speaking before really thinking.

"Its too late, you should just stay the night."

You stared at him for a second as your heart raced. "Stay...here?" He nodded silently. You added on shyly, "Would that....be okay?"

He nodded again before clearing his throat softly. "I wouldn't feel right letting you go home this late by yourself."

After a moments contemplation, you nodded. "If you're okay with it, I am."

He replied quickly, almost too quickly. "I am."

"Do you want me to sleep on the floor?"

He let out a soft laugh, "No, just stay there. The bed's big enough."

The air was a little tense as the two of you settled back into the bed. You were hyper-aware of how close Seungmin was now, you were back to back, but still close. And as nervous as this made you, you still felt yourself giving into sleep again.

Seungmin's heart was beating unevenly as he lied still beside you. He was filled with a mixture of giddiness, anxiety and disbelief. How had you gone to distant friends of sorts, to sleeping in the same bed?

The silence hung in the air until you both drifted to sleep. Both of you feeling that something had changed between you suddenly. You weren't sure what yet, but you were excited to find out.

As the soft morning light peaked through the windows, you kept your eyes closed as you embraced the comfort around you. Recalling where you were, your heart raced a little as you slowly opened your eyes.

Your heart jolted as you realized you and Seungmin were now facing each other, faces only a few inches apart. His hand was gently gripped your sleeve, as if he wanted to keep you close.

You swallowed nervously as you stared at him. You had the overwhelming desire to trace your fingers along his face as he slumbered peacefully. You took a few minutes to admire him, noticing every mark and spot on his features you hadn't before.

After some time, you realized how it might seem if the others woke up and you were here. That might not be a conversation Seungmin would want to have to deal with. Plus, would things be awkward between you if he woke up and found himself latching onto you?

Slowly, and gently, you pried your sleeve from his grip and climbed out of his bed. As he moved and mumbled a few times you froze, fearing he would wake up and find you practically straddling him as you tried to get out of the bed.

Finally managing to get out of the bed without waking him, you grabbed a sticky note and pen off of is desk and wrote on it, before sticking it to the pillow beside Seungmin.

You didn't want to linger in case things got awkward, but you did want him to know how grateful you were of his kindness. Sparing one more glance at him, your heart fluttered as you grabbed your things and silently left the apartment. As you left, you knew Seungmin was going to occupy your thoughts a lot more now.

Seungmin stretched as he woke up, before he suddenly remembered your presence. His eyes shot open as he looked beside him, seeing just an empty bed. Sitting up, he felt a sense of disappointment at your absence, before his eyes spotted the sticky note.

Picking it up, he read it over a few times, a small smile growing on his face.

'I wasn't sure if I should stay or not, but I didn't want things to be awkward with the others if they saw me here still. Thank you for letting me stay and being so nice to me, after the day I had I appreciated it more than you know. I'll see you later Seungmin. - Y/n'

Looking back to wear you had been laying, he recalled waking in the middle of the night to find you facing him, the moonlight from outside illuminating you in an almost ethereal light. He couldn't stop himself from gently tracing your features with his fingers, barely brushing your skin as not to wake you. He watched you for some time, before eventually falling asleep again.

Lying back down with a sigh, he pulled the blanket you had been using over him, your scent filling his nose as he did. Pulling it closer, he inhaled the scent and felt butterflies in his stomach.

He understood now, he did have feelings for you. You weren't friends, perhaps because the feeling that had gone unnoticed stopped him. But he wanted to be closer to you now, to explore the possiblities of what you could be.

Reading over your note again he decided he would do better, do more to get closer to you.

Before you knew what to say to the others, Felix had texted you asking if you were doing alright. Seungmin had told them that you had fallen asleep at their apartment, and that he let you sleep in his room so you were disturbed by the others.

You could tell he had not told them you stayed the night, or that he had carried you to his room himself. Things you wondered if he kept a secret to spare you from possible teasing, or if he wanted it just between the two of you.

The next time you saw Seungmin was when you were invited over to their place for game-night a few days later. When you arrived, Seungmin answered the door. And instead of his usual soft smile in greeting, he grinned at you, taking your bag from you as you slipped off your shoes.

His behavior towards you was more open and bright, and obvious to not just you, but the others. He asked you if you wanted a drink, before leaving to get you one before you could even answer. You looked over and saw the guys watching in amusement as they looked at you with a questioning gaze.

You shrugged your shoulders, as your heart fluttered, wondering if he really did feel the change between you that night like you had. Maybe you hadn't imagined it at all.

Throughout the night, you and the others were confused, yet intrigued by Seungmin's behavior towards you. He sat beside you, talking to you more often and open than he ever had. He brought you food and offered you a blanket, his blanket, when he thought you might get cold.

When he went to the bathroom Han turned towards you and began interrogating you. "Are you guys dating?"

"What?" You asked startled, "No!"

"I think he wants to though." Hyunjin added with a smirk making you throw a piece of popcorn at him.

Your eyes met Felix's and he smiled brightly before he leaned closer and spoke to you, "I always thought he had a crush on you and now I know he does."

You shush them before you sat back on the couch, ignoring their teasing gazes as Seungmin came back into the room. As he sat beside you, he grabbed the blanket on you and moved to cover himself as well, covered the two of you at the same time, side by side. Your heart jolted as butterflies filled your stomach.

When it came time for you to go home, you felt nervous as Seungmin lingered by the door as you slid on your shoes. You had said goodbye to the others and grabbed your bag. Seeing Seungmin slip on his jacket you rose your brow in question. Was he going out?

He met your eyes. "I'm gonna walk you home." His tone came out as though it was obvious what he was going to do.

"O-oh, okay." You smiled, your chest fluttering anxiously.

The two of you were silent until you walked out of the apartment and made your way down the familiar street you walked dozens of times.

Seungmin inhaled the cool breeze as he walked beside you, his arm almost brushing yours as he kept very little distance between the two of you.

"Thank you for walking me home. You didn't have too, but I appreciate it." You said softly and Seungmin nodded with a smile.

"I don't have too, but I want too." He said softly, his tone almost shy.

Your eyes met for a moment before you both quickly looked away. Silence lingered between you for a few moments as you saw Seungmin steal a few quick glances at you.

Slowly, you started talking, awkward small talk turning into casual comfortable conversation. Your steps slowed as you got closer, absent-mindedly wanting your walk to last as long as you could make it.

When you finally reached your apartment, you turned to Seungmin with a kind smile. "Thanks again for walking me home. Be careful on your way back."

He nodded with a smile, "I will."

As you started to turn and walk away Seungmin quickly spoke up. "Wait!"

Turning back to him he swallowed nervously as he fidgeted. "I was wondering if you were free tomorrow."

Your heart jolted as you bit the inside of your lip and nodded. "I am."

"Its smoothie day." He noted on and you realized what he meant.

Once every other week you and a few of the others would go get smoothies at a shop you all fell in love with a couple years ago.

Seungmin rarely went, so it was a pleasant surprise he was going this time. But underneath that, there was a mild disappointment. For a moment, you thought he may be asking you on a date.

You felt a soft disappointment in your chest as you nodded, "Right! I almost forgot" You chuckled softly. "I'll be there."

He nodded "Good." As he took a a few steps back, he motioned for you to head inside as he smiled, "Goodnight."

You smiled and waved softly in return, "Goodnight Seungmin."

As you headed inside, you felt an odd mixture of emotion. Excitement, bewilderment, bashfulness, all of it making you finally truly acknowledge something you had only allowed yourself momentary thoughts of. You definitely, had feelings for Seungmin.

You hoped the others wouldn't notice or point out how you seemed to dress up a little bit more today. You accepted your feelings for Seungmin had grown, though you weren't sure what to do about it.

Though his changed behavior towards you made you think he felt the same, you still feared maybe he had just finally accepted you as a friend. So you didn't want to get your hopes up too much.

As you approached the familiar smoothie spot, your phone buzzed. Reading the message from Felix you furrowed your brow in confusion.

'Enjoy your smoothies ;)'

'Okay, so Felix isn't coming, but what's with the winky face?' You wondered as you headed inside.

Looking around, your heart fluttered as you spotted Seungmin waiting nearby at a table. Looking around more, you saw none of the others, and suddenly realized what Felix's text meant. Did they all stand you up so you'd be alone together?

Swallowing nervously you walked over to him, your stomach filling with butterflies.

Looking up, Seungmin smiled before standing up quickly and pulling a chair out for you.

You smiled in thanks as you sat down. "No one else is coming?" You asked casually, trying not to show your nervousness.

Seungmin sat down and shook his head, appearing a bit nervous as well. "I actually asked them not to come."

"Oh?" Your heart jolted as your eyes widened a bit.

He met your eyes and smiled softly, obviously nervous now. "I kind of hoped we could make this a date...if you're okay with that."

You were silent for a brief moment as you processed what he said. unable to resist smiling you nodded, "I'm okay with it."

Seungmin studied you for a second before he grinned, relief washing over him. "Good. I- I really wanted to get closer to you, I mean I have for a while, but since...since that night you fell asleep at the apartment, I uh- I feel like..." He struggled to get out what he wanted to say as he let out a soft breath.

"Something changed?"

He met your eyes, a bit startled that you understood what he was trying to say. He nodded mutely and you smiled, "I felt it too."

You smiled softly at each other for a moment before you let out a soft chuckle. "It's kind of weird right?"

He chucked as he ran his hands nervously over his legs and nodded. "Yeah. I've never really knew where we stood."

You nodded, "Right? I wasn't sure if we were friends or what, but..."

"But?"

You tried to search for the right words, "But, I always felt comfortable around you, and wanted to be friends we just never seemed to get there."

He nodded in agreement. "That's how I felt too."

You both chuckled as you both understood you had more in common than you thought.

Seungmin started, slowly. "I think... I've been attracted to you since we met. I just didn't recognize it completely. And that stopped me from really getting closer to you even though I wanted too. But that night, I finally realized just how much I want to be around you."

Your heart was pounding as he spoke, your neck and face warm. "So now, we're...what?"

He thought for a second before chuckled, "I don't really know how to label it."

You resisted giggling as you hummed, "We don't have to label anything yet, but I do like where we are headed."

He nodded slowly, "Me too."

Slowly moving his chair closer to you, he cautiously moved his hands to intertwine with yours.

"So how about we start here? We are more or less than friends, with intentions to be more."

Your eyes moved from your intertwined hands to his eyes as you smiled brightly. "How poetic." You giggled, "I like it."

He squeezed your hand softly as he grinned at you, finally relieved knowing where he wanted to go with you, and how to start.

xx End xx

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[franzkafkagf]

okay so i want to hear about your take on aegon i know you like him and all (so do i no matter how much i wish not to) but whyy

yess thanks for asking, I love being insane about him<3

I think Aegon is such a wildly tragic character– many asoiaf characters are but I'm so drawn specifically to him; he didn't want power or responsibility or the crown. It all was bestowed upon him against his will, and he shouldn't; putting on the crown is his definitive death sentence. The coronation scene has got to be one of my favorites in the season– he is quite literally walking up to be butchered like a sacrificial lamb, there are tears streaking his cheeks in the scene! I love the tragedy of it, the way it couldn't have been avoided anyways; his fate was sealed from the very start! He was quite literally dead from the very beginning.

I'm going off a mix from the book and the show but I actually love what they did with the character in the show? The book version does have some hard-hitting moments from him that are missing ("What sort of brother steals his sister's birthright?") but there wasn't that much there in terms of characterization and relationships. And wow, did they deliver on that in the show; I'm gonna give whoever came up with his mommy issues a forehead kiss.

Because YES! He and Alicent are reflections of one another– Alicent suffered under the heavy boot of Otto, turned into the perfect daughter, turned into the perfect queen for him. She recognizes that this was wrong and abusive of him, then she turns around and does the same thing to Aegon– the poison DOES drip through, the wheel is NOT broken!! It's BRILLIANT.

@atopvisenyashill put a GREAT tag under one of my posts–

#he looks like her and he’s weak like her so why can’t he get strong like her.

While Alicent persevered, Aegon crumbled under the pressure. He is miserable when we meet him– and he should be! He is unfit for the role of king, but it is his destiny nonetheless, everybody tells him so. It destroys him.

It's so sad too and I cannot help but to feel bad for him. No one knows where he is in ep 9, I don't think he has anyone to confide in; it must be lonely. Everybody seems to have written him off already– he is a drunk and a failure at being heir, being a son, being a father. He tries to prove them wrong later, and does in some aspects.

His loneliness plays into another aspect of him that I really love; his desperation to be loved. He will never be enough for anybody, he probably knows it deep down.

"[Aegon is] desperate to be loved but destined to be hated." – Tom Glynn-Carney

Obviously there is the carriage scene with Alicent that shows this. But I also really love the moment in his coronation, where he basks in the people's affection and cheers. He is poised to bleed out in front of the throne, he was crying and fighting for his life not to take the crown just minutes before. But now he's here and they love him and he can't help but love that.

He takes the crown to protect his family (the show does hint at that with Alicent telling him as much in ep. 6– in the book it's much more explicit with Criston pressuring him on the day of the coronation itself) and then his son DIES because of it! And he drinks and rages and drinks some more; he must've blamed himself. He goes to battle, flies too high (figuratively), and he FALLS; he burns and falls to the ground. He isn't made to be king. He knows. He does it anyways.

"You have already written yourself into legend, you survived dragonfire" – Larys Strong in season 2 (probably)

He survives, he is gone for over a year, unable to do anything but he SURVIVES. He escapes the capital, takes Dragonstone, he falls AGAIN, he loses most of his family; but he still goes on. Fueled by what? Maybe anger, or bitterness or just pure lust for revenge. It doesn't matter. He must've realized somewhere on the way that this was always meant to go this way, ever since he put the conqueror's crown on. It doesn't matter.

And then he dies and it's not grand or spectacular or anything like that. He drinks poisoned wine, nobody even sees him die, they only find him after. It's so uniquely lonely.

[spuffybaby]

Time to Heal (7)

chapter links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6)

“Spike?”

He'd been almost awake already, but it was Dawn shouting from downstairs that really dragged him up from his half-sleep, blinking a few times before realising the thick curtains were drawn despite the light outside. He was still getting used to sleeping at night again. Buffy had gotten up, but he heard footsteps downstairs, figuring she wasn't far.

“Spike!”

He pushed the covers aside and slid into his boots before making his way down the stairs, now slightly concerned. “Niblet?”

“There you are,” she said as she walked past, giving him a quick glance, then shoving a pile of books into her backpack, had him recognise the back of the one he'd read a couple of nights before.

“Somethin' wrong?”

“Oh, no. Buffy just told me to check if you were awake,” she shrugged. “She's in the kitchen.”

Spike sighed. “Nice. Ever so gentle, aren't you?”

She gave him a bittersweet smile. “See ya.”

“Have a good day,” he mumbled before heading to the kitchen. Buffy's shirt had ridden up to expose her lower back as she was reaching for something on the top shelf of the cupboard and he couldn't resist, crossing the kitchen and placing his palm on her bare skin just above her jeans, his other hand reaching and grabbing the box of cereal she hadn't been able to get.

Buffy had heard him, though been unprepared for the sudden closeness, nonetheless relaxing into his touch as she sank back onto her feet and turned into him to face him. “I would've got it,” she mumbled, blinking, she looked up and was met with his gaze instantly, the intensity weakening her.

“I got you,” he smirked, placing the box on the counter top to have his hand free and brush her hair from her forehead.

“U-Um-” The mischief in his eyes reminded her so much of a version of him that was long gone, but she couldn't help but be fond of what remained, the spark now playful, soft. Before she managed to form a coherent sentence, or word even, he'd dipped his head to kiss her and she wrapped her arms around his neck instinctively, once again on her tiptoes, kissing him back with equally as much need, wondering more with every passing second if she really could resist him and take things slow. Where she'd felt drawn to him and the harsh distraction he'd offered her beyond control before he'd got his soul, it was nothing to how she felt now. She'd allowed herself to be in love with him and admit it, and it meant there was nothing holding her back. Apart from wanting to do things right, and accepting that he did, too. Though the way he kissed her, similarly to how he had the night before, it didn't suggest any control. At least not over himself. Of her, he was in full control, making her whine softly as her lips parted for him and she welcomed the taste of him. “Oh, god...”

He chuckled, his fingers brushing through her hair as he drew back just slightly to let her catch her breath. “Good morning.”

Buffy laughed shakily, not having quite regained control of her breathing. “You're not making this easy,” she mumbled.

“Me?” He stepped back, tutting. “What about those jeans, pet?” Opening the fridge, he took out one of the bags of blood, ripping it open with his teeth, then pouring it into one of the clean mugs by the sink.

“What about them?” Buffy pouted innocently.

Spike turned to look over his shoulder. “You know what you're doin'. I mean, I'm guessing we've both not had any since-”

“Us?” She shook her head. “No.”

He gave her a small smile. “Well, who can blame us then, eh? Pretty much a part of... us.”

It was Spike, and the way he smiled without taking his eyes off hers made her more nervous than it ever had before. He may have believed he didn't deserve her, or found it hard to trust her when she said she loved him, but he knew he was irresistible. “So, where does that leave us?”

His smile turned into a larger grin. “Oh, I don't know,” he teased, taking a sip from his mug and quickly licking his lips, savouring the taste. He knew she was struggling to compose herself, but he knew he wasn't safe either, that she could flip things around on him any second. And win. “Anything you'd like me to do, pet?” He tilted his head, his eyes never leaving hers, an eyebrow cocked inquisitively.

They both jumped when the telephone started ringing.

“Good god,” she muttered, taking a shaky breath before turning and picking up the receiver.

Spike watched her, heard few words from her, finishing his blood, then taking a bowl and some milk out for her breakfast.

“Okay. Bye. See you soon.”

“Who was that?” he asked, hoping it didn't matter, hoping she'd have her breakfast, then decide she wanted him for dessert. Christ, he wanted her. Thinking she'd asked him if he did seemed mad to him.

“Giles. I've been meaning to go and teach some of the new Slayers, well, those that are not so new now and ready to advance. I'm supposed to leave today.”

He nodded slowly. “Right,” he said. “How long will you be gone?”

“It shouldn't be for more than a week or so,” she said, balancing the ratio of cereal and milk before starting to eat. “But...” She swallowed. “I was going to ask you if you wanted to come with me and help. They can learn from both our fighting styles. You know, like... old times. That's why I asked Dawn to make sure you were up.”

“So this is... the Council?”

She batted her lashes at him.

“Buffy.”

“Yes,” she caved. “But with Giles there and them owing me and you, most of all, it'll be alright. You're a hero and don't you forget it.”

“That's not how any of those suits are gonna see it, is it?”

“If they don't, they can try and find another Slayer to teach them my flawless methods.” She smiled triumphantly when she caught the corner of his mouth twitch.

“You know I'll go for one reason only.”

She leaned forward over the kitchen island. “Yeah,” she grinned. “To watch me fight in these jeans. I've got a nice leather set lined up too. And don't even get me started on what's underneath.”

“Fighting in your knickers?”

She rolled her eyes. “Just you.”

“Pet...” He warned. “Dangerous territory.”

She flashed him another grin, then moved her empty bowl to the side to push herself up onto the kitchen island on her knees to meet him.

With one swift move, he'd pulled her forward, her legs dangling from the edge on either side of his body as he closed the space between them, keeping her there with just the lust in his eyes. Things seemed so simple, maybe they didn't need to be slow. Maybe they together were what made it right.

“So when have we got to go?” he asked, his voice merely a hint, his forehead pressed to hers.

“Like right now?” she confessed. “I was just waiting for that call.”

He raised his eyebrows at her, his jaw tensing. “And you thought you'd get me all worked up for the occasion?”

She looked back at him guiltily. “Gotta give you something to look forward to, baby.”

[fawnrats]

Salt, Equus, Zhihao & Adira are my OCs.

Salt is a cowardly white wolf with dark brown eyes who lived in North America during the late pleistocene. I've never drawn him before!

Equus is one of my new Primeval Age characters! she's a shy, clever & easily distracted dacentrurus. I haven't made a proper drawing of her yet, but here's a messy & slightly outdated doodle I made figuring out what I want her colors & patterns to be exactly, plus the link to her profile on primeval age where you can see her bio & official image! https://www.primevalarpg.com/import/5788

Zhihao is a saurolophus, & I haven't drawn him nor developed him much as a character yet ^^'

Adira is a tyrannosaurus. the last time I drew her was back when it was believed even adult tyrannosaurus had significant feathering, so she really needs a redesign for accuracy! she could use a rewrite too, not that she was ever a very developed character in the first place.

a while back I rewatched most of Seri! Pixel Biologist's Wolfquest 2.7 series that I loved so much as a kid :D I wanted to illustrate a couple things that happened in it, plus I'd love to redraw the fanart of Rain I did when I was a kid!

(the old Rain fanart in question.. I couldn't find the raw file so it's a cropped screenshot of when she featured it in an episode! at the time I went by Pancakes Plays, which is why she credited me as "Pancake")

moving on, I have a crapton of fursona ideas & a few existing fursonas, I think it'd be cool to draw all those fursonas I haven't yet & make a lineup of them all! hahaha it would probably be sooooo long! & it would take ages.. especially since I've been struggling a lot with making a design that sticks for my rat fursona! I think I finally have the shapes down but I'm still iffy on her colors >_< I haven't finished a colored artwork of her yet but here's a messy doodle & a WIP!

I hope my other fursona ideas aren't extremely difficult to figure out too q.q my other fursona ideas are a barn owl, a lynx, a barn owl-lynx gryphon, a blue calico cat, a glacier bear, & I think that's all? oh wait! & an opossum. most of my fursonas are just meant to represent me in my entirety, but I have this idea for an opossum fursona that more so represents my most intense feelings, if they were put on full display on the outside! In real life I'm a fairly mellow, shy & reserved person, my emotions don't tend to be really loud.. but my opossum fursona would be the opposite of that. energetic & colorful & excitable & loud & fierce & just super intense!! cuz sometimes that's how I feel on the inside, & it would be fun to express that with that character ^w^

here are my other fursonas that I have drawn already! I would probably draw everyone as anthropomorphic in the lineup, though I do really like my caribou fursona's feral design ^w^ maybe I should draw a feral version of the lineup too?

[triangle-strategy-notes]

Whiteholm Castle's Gardens Concept Art

Concept art for Whiteholm Castle's gardens! This has been something I wanted to translate for a while, purely because it's just really pretty :)

Translation notes and image ids under the cut.

Translation Notes:

"Resting place" might have meant something more like "shrine," but given the appearance I leaned toward "resting place."

"Unreal splendor" was lit. the Japanese phonetic spelling of English's "unreal" + the Japanese word for splendor. I'm not really 100% sure why that English word was used there, but I think it's just meant to be a little extra fancy/emphasized.

There were a lot of little words on here that I was a little iffy about, in part because the handwriting was kind of small and I had trouble making out the characters. Longer sentences are usually actually easier to translate because you can use grammar and sentence structure context clues to figure out what the word is supposed to be. When it's a one-off little label, it becomes a lot more important that you know exactly what each character is. The image of the lantern hanging on the lanternpost is one in particular that I still feel sort of unsure about (it definitely mentioned hanging the lantern, but I couldn't 100% figure out what exactly the rest of it meant).

Image Id:

[id: A set of 4 images. The first is the original Japanese version of the page of concept art for Whiteholm Castle's gardens.

The second is the top third of the page, with English translations. It has the heading, "CountryA_Garden/SacredTreeVersion." There is a small shot of Whiteholm Castle with a red box outlining the section with the gardens, which has the label, "here is a wide shot of the area," as well as another label pointing to some trees outside the gardens that reads, "a forest grows around the castle." There is then a much larger and detailed illustration of the gardens, which has a large tree centered to the far right side. There is a label that has a text box with the heading, "Sacred Tree." The text in the text box reads, "A large tree that has been growing here since before the kingdom's founding, and keeps watch as the land develops. The tree is old, so its leaves have long withered away. But at night (maybe once every few cycles?), fireflies gather and form glowing leaves, returning it to its former glory." There is another nearby note that reads, "White gradient from the base to the trunk and brown gradient from the trunk to the branches." Another small label is put on the smaller, less distinct foliage nearby, reading, "forest." There is a small image of the tree at night, labeled "Sacred Tree (Night)" with the caption, "Countless fireflies are drawn by the tree's special sap and form a tree of light."

The third image is the middle section of the page, and is labeled "Country A Garden." It has a small diagram of the streetlamp with the label "Streetlamp (The idea is that it's illuminated by a lantern candle rather than a gas lamp.)" Another nearby note reads, "Lantern hands from pole." There are several additional simple labels pointing to the lotus flowers that grow in the large rectangular fountain, as well as the small semi-circle fountain that serves as a source for the rectangular one, a gazebo that is called "resting place," some large stone flower vases, some benches, some flowering plants and ivy that hang from the balustrades around the garden, and the reflections on the water, which reads, "The sky is reflected on the surface of the water." Off to the side there are some more detailed close-ups of the stone vases (which contain yellow roses), a stone bench, and a "general purpose balustrade."

The last image is of the garden at night, labeled "Country A Garden/Firefly Version." It is the same as the previous image, but with different coloring, and devoid of many of the labels. It has the same note about the streetlamps. At the bottom, there is an illustrator's note that reads, "In an effort to avoid making the garden look gaudy, we paid special attention to not overdoing it with flowers. But at night, we send out fireflies with the deliberate intention of giving it an "unreal splendor." (Tatsuaki Urushibara) /end id]

[p-sti]

@shimmerbeasts cont. from x

They hadn't found her. Vi had been so sure that Jinx might be somewhere in the old arcade. In fact, she was pretty convinced that they had just missed her. But somehow that beast had survived the very trap, they had tried to spring for her. Tough as nails. If Vi was honest with herself, she would have been disappointed if that had not been the case. Still, Vi should not be happy about Jinx slipping past them. They had to find her and put an end to what she had done. It did not matter that somewhere in the back of Vi's mind, there was a voice, nagging: But she had every right to do this. This was an act of retaliation. It did not matter! You did not retaliate against Piltover. That was not how this worked! It had not worked for Vander. It would not work for Jinx. Vi refused to entertain any other idea. They stood outside the old arcade, clouds of the Grey enshrouding them, yet they faced no harm due to the gas masks covering their mouths and noses. The strike team was trying to figure out where to go from here. Vi tapped her boot restlessly on the spot, dissatisfied with the fact that she could not rely on her sense of smell to try tracking down Jinx. Caitlyn's plan meant that not only the other inhabitants, but Vi herself were going completely blind when it came to their sense of smell.

Vi groaned into the gas mask in frustration. Think Vi, think! Where else could she go? She couldn't have gone far. Yet Vi knew that was a comforting lie. Any Zaunite worth their salt was as slippery as an adder - one moment in one place, the next miles away. Yet no matter how hard Vi thought, figuring out what route Jinx may have taken was hard. Not while she was on the ground like this! A hand tapped her broad shoulder. Vi spun around, half-expecting Caitlyn standing behind her. She could not help the pang of disappointment in her gut at seeing Maddie. "I am sorry", Vi muttered quickly, "It is hard to think with all this smog in the air." She looked at Caitlyn and explained with a familiar urgency like entrusting someone with a hidden detail: "I can't track her. The smog's too thick, Caitlyn. Do you mind if I get up that ladder over there?" She pointed out an old iron ladder, which was leading up to the roof of a nearby building. Caitlyn followed her gaze up. It was hard reading her face with that godawful mask on, but as Vi had hoped, her girlfriend got the plan. She nodded. Climbing up the ladder, Vi got on a roof. Up here, the air was still less than ideal compared to what Piltover had to offer, but it was miles better than how hard it was to breathe in the streets right now. Vi carefully unlatched her mask and hung it around her neck. Her breath left her lips in a small cloud.

Alright, let's do this. Her nostrils trembled as Vi sniffed the air. With the Grey rolling through the streets in slow, drawn-out waves, most of what her Vastayan senses could pick up on, was nothing but the chemicals in those festering clouds. However, she did not give up so quickly. Vi inhaled the air once more, opening her mouth a touch. Tigers like all big cats had a special organ in the roof of their mouths, which helped them with smells. Vi had a rudimentary version of that. Blood! Her eyes widened. Vi almost gagged. Freshly spilled blood. The scent almost got lost in the smog, but it was clearly there. Vi tiptoed in a circle until she stopped, raised a hand and pointed down a sidestreet at the back of the arcade?! Hastily putting her mask back on, Vi practically came sliding down the ladder and returned to the group. With zero explanation given, she said: "We went the wrong way!"

// finding jinx is something maddie is dedicating herself to only out of necessity. she finds it a little fascinating, the methods caitlyn are resorting to, to 'clear the streets'. it's so typical of a noxian thought process that it almost makes her snort. the mask fits well on her face, even if she still looks small and out of place amongst the group.

her steps are cautious. there is so much grey around, she can't see anything. something at the back of her head makes her think about how the hell were they supposed to find jinx at this pace? they're only disabling vi's ability to sniff her out, also.

looking for jinx only leads them into dead ends. maddie feels slight frustration, even if her heart was never really in it.

it's clear vi is, by her frustration, and impatience, and caitlyn has had many vengeful talks in the privacy of the enforcer headquarters. she doesn't really feel like she fits into this group, considering she doesn't really have a backstory with vi or jinx.

caitlyn is her item of interest, though. and this is as close as she could get, without being suspicious. the old arcade seems deserted, items scattered about, as far as she could see through the green fog.

vi's reaction to her tap doesn't surprise her. she returns her words with a frown, even if she doesn't see her face. she doesn't get to say anything back, before she keeps walking, and ends up climbing the ladder. left next to caitlyn, maddie looks over at her, studies her through the mask and her own uniform.

caitlyn looks like she perfectly fits this style of doing things. it's something she almost finds admirable.

they wait. for vi to return with the results of her investigation. but when she does, it confuses the noxian. " what? " , she answers, running over to the other. " what did you find? "

[adanaac]

Could I ask about your OC's? Specifically Ophicucus and Tsuru, I love how majestic Ophi is drawn and Tsuru fascinates me both with the concept and also how lovely you have illustrated him.

I hope you are well, and thank you again for helping me with my questions o7.

Sincerely HMAD.

oh good i get to talk about my son!!

my blorbo my beloved my babygirl he means everything to me

i made him in 2017 so hes sort of grown up with me (or i've grown up and realised things about him that i couldn't have when i was younger. i have so many complicated feelings abt this that i made a short comic about it last year)

to preface this im not a great writer dont expect good writing from me lol all i have is my personal experience and stealing tropes from stories i like

(got a lot to say so its all going under the cut. also a lot of death mention)

So. who is this dude

Tsuru (not his real name in-story, i havent come up with one im happy with), 18 years old, a ghost

he has a little sister, Ori, 15, who was meant to be my sona but then i just drew him more and like drawing him more anyway

first 2 drawings i ever did of him. he was based off natori natsume yuujinchou at this point, i dont remember why or if i even liked natori that much, but i remember distinctly hes based off him

u may have noticed he sort of looks older in my older art. this is because first of all art style drift lol but also as ive gotten older ive figured out that 18 isnt actually that old.

theres also a black haired version of him (two actually) its basically something like this ⬇️

important to know that everything about this dude is a convoluted metaphor

i lovingly summarize white tsuru as "people pleaser" and black tsuru as "nihilist prick" in my head and those are the things consistent throughout all the AU versions of him

(important differences only to me) alive tsuru doesnt act like black tsuru at all thats just his warped self perception (he also doesnt act exactly like white tsuru either)

also alive tsuru has black eyes and the shortest hair, black tsuru has blue eyes and slightly longer hair (also white tsuru is slightly taller than both of them)

if they all existed at the same time they would hate each other on sight but fortunately (unfortunately?) he is just 1 dude with issues

the general vibe is white tsuru is the "yippee floaty trickster" brand of ghost and black tsuru is the sort of ghost in horror media that stands just outside your field of view in the darkness dripping with blood

for the longest time only white haired tsuru was a "character", "black haired tsuru" existed just as his corpse at most, a footnote

but over the past 2 years ive figured that hes actually really fun to draw and play with, and in a different way than white tsuru

(wait fuck isnt this just abe trio. i do always almost accidentally draw tsuru when im trying to draw haruaki.... fuck.....)

(ive had tsuru for long enough that i just keep tacking details from my fav characters onto him.....)

halls smp

so ive been on this minecraft roleplay server called halls smp with other artists for the past 2 years, theres a new season of it every few months with a different theme each time to keep things fresh and ive just been making AU versions of tsuru for it so ive had a lot of opportunity to think about him

season 1 - halloween - jiangshi tsuru

this one is almost entirely unchanged from his base characterization because i didnt want to rp too much and also didnt know there would be future seasons at this point (also basically after the first day i gave up on being called "tsuru" bc its too hard to pronounce and everyone called me canada anyway)

same basic story, guy dies and theres now a white haired version of him (actually this is the same for all the AUs). in fact im pretty sure the black haired version of this one is exactly base alivetsuru. basically what ive been interested in exploring is different kinds of death, the events leading up to it, and what kind of person he becomes afterwards (but also in equal amounts im interested in making fun designs and playing minecraft and fucking around)

(this feels like the start of the beginners guide...)

i associate him with doves and at the time, tarot card 18: the moon, but in retrospect i now think he's card 0: the fool.

season 2 - winter - ishmael

guy who died at sea and eaten by a interdimensional whale and got isekaied. loosely conceptually based off moby dick, although i havent actually read it LOL but i did spend a week reading up on drowning and hypothermia

strangely, his death didnt create a white haired version of him, perhaps because he didnt have anything in life to give up his identity and replace it with. (and also remember the hair color doesnt actually mean dead/alive)

im only calling him ishmael now in retrospect, at the time he was just tsuru/canada

while designing him i had the biggest crisis bc i didnt want him to look to much like this old old oc i had (pic 1) but then i sucked it up and went with it anyway

i never got around to drawing it but his fingers are black from frostbite thats why he wears gloves all the time.

hes one of my favorite iterations of tsuru he looks so mad or upset all the time it makes me want to tease him, and also i think the grey skin and eyebags are very cute

i associate him with whales and tarot card 18: the moon

season 3 - golden grove - fox tsuru

honestly i think this is my favorite design of him i kinda popped off. i think im just a lot more comfortable working with warm colors. and also i associate white tsuru with foxes anyway (black tsuru is totally a catboy btw) (why is he not associated with cranes if his name is tsuru you ask?? bc cranes are hard to draw next question. he did start out based off cranes tbf, thats where the white hair and the tallness comes from)

dead fox possessing his dead human friend's body (although thats only the most literal interpretation of events; in all these iterations there's only ever been 1 person) the white tsurus are mostly interested in "moving on", whatever that means to each of them

btw my banner on this blog is him

hes sort of a set with s2 tsuru to me, mostly bc theyre the ideals that "white tsuru" and "black tsuru" hold taken to the extremes, and also theyre on opposite ends of the "hates people hates talking" and "loves to talk and mess with people" scale

anyway. hes tarot card 10: wheel of fortune to me

season 4 - wild west - mirage

the desert dragon, mirage. this is the season i started giving them actual names that arent "tsuru" and putting actual thought into the story lol previously it was just vibes-based character design. i have a short thing written about him thats meant to be the script for a comic, but i never got around to drawing it.

a sandworm-esque dragon that got tired of being a dragon and took up a passing witch's offer to give him a human form. this is all a metaphor i think. he has longer hair bc i wanted to spice things up a little

(also i consider this a form of death bc he left behind a giant sandworm/dragon skeleton somewhere in the desert)

the mirage-dragon thing comes from the shen 蜃 (which is used in the chinese word for mirage, 海市蜃楼 haishi shenlou, literally translating to "ocean city and shen's castle"). it's a clam-like dragon that produces foam that creates mirages over the ocean.

if u read "even if you slit my mouth", this is what the "shinkiro" or "shin" in recent chapters is. (i had one of those "smug because i already know all about the mythological creature a story is referencing" moments, which i also had with the four gods in yohaji bc i used to translate a game that mentioned them too)

isnt it romantic in a way? that the two places mirages are most known for happening are the ocean and the desert.

i dont have too much art of him because around this time i was uhhh (checks calendar) got back into yohaji and got consumed by it for a couple months lol (can u even blame me. it was july to september that was when like chapter 91 came out lol)

an earlier version of his design that i didnt end up using but i still really like this art

hes tarot card 9: the hermit to me

season 5 - fairytales/medieval - ophiuchus

NO FUCKING WAY YOURE NEVER GOING TO BELIEVE THIS for this one i actually ironed out what kind of people the black haired and white haired versions of him are. and also specifically this one isnt black tsuru but alive tsuru

i have a short poem thing about him, to summarize its like so many other fairytales about grateful animals granting their saviors something, but it doesnt end well for anyone

hes based off ophiuchus and asclepius of course, but also a lot of other snake stories in general, like the lindwurm and baishezhuan

to reiterate, for none of these stories do i consider there to ever actually have been 2 separate people, its always just 1 fucked up guy

i also sort of consider him to be a set with mirage, for both being serpents, and also for being "black tsuru whose personality is like white tsuru" and "white tsuru whose personality is like black tsuru", thereby codifying for myself that to him, someone who's stuck in his own head a lot, what matters most to him is his ideals, what all his actions are in pursuit of

he's tarot card 12: the hanged man to me

bonus: dnd character - alba

i also have a version of him i play for dnd, named alba to match with my party who all have color themed names. a halfling ranger who's very small and very loud. except he has amnesia and cant remember anything from before he was 12 (hes around 18 now according to him), including that he's actually a changeling who just transformed into a halfling to seem older than he is to work at a bar and nearly died in a bar fight.

(if you spend as much time fretting over semantics as me, you may note that changelings are medium sized and cannot transform into halflings which are small sized, for which my explanation is that he's been in halfling form since he was a kid, and after the amnesia he thought he actually was a halfling. this is also why his hair is white btw bc changelings have white hair. pre-amnesia in his "actual" halfling transformation he had black hair. i care too much about semantics but hey isnt dnd the semantics game anyway?)

anyway congrats alba for being the only version of tsuru that hasn't outright "died"!! if only because dnd has actual rules and i can't pull my usual death-ghost nonsense as easily!!!

hes very ship of theseus to me, all versions of him are. what makes up a person? what defines them? is it their face, their appearance, their name? their personality, their memories, their ideals? if you slowly replace each of those, one at a time, with a copy thats very similar to the original, at what point are you a different person?

as thanks for reading all of this i'll reveal what some of the metaphors are, the core of who tsuru, as a character, is to me. maybe this is fairly obvious, but all the death and personality weirdness stuff is a convoluted metaphor for depression and autism, as well as the experience of reading the things you've written years ago, seeing old photos and others talking about who you were years ago and finding that person wholly unfamiliar, that you understand the thought process of that person no more than you would a stranger's, as a result of having taken apart your identity and replaced it piece by piece with things from people you like more than yourself.

im always scared of scrutinizing tsuru too hard because he's just a weird reflection of myself, and i think i'll only be able to write a version of him thats more of a "whole person" once i figure that out for myself. the only way you see your own reflection is through a mirror after all, a flattened 2D surface.

haha this got kinda weird and depressing and personal at the end (mostly bc ive been writing this in the middle of the night, its now 4am)

after seeing my soul laid bare like this, if theres one takeaway, i think its pretty obvious why i'm so enamored by the parts of yohaji that i talk about often (huh wasnt this a post about my oc why did it become about yohaji)

oh yeah i just realised u probably also wanted to hear more about my yohaji version of tsuru specifically. honestly theres not really more to it i just like drawing him in situations. like of course the same themes apply but i just like drawing this dude thats 90% the reason hes my sona. like heres a pokemon au of him i drew recently bc i wanted to draw them as kids and also as pokemon gijinkas

anyway thats all. not really bc i could go on and on about him but this is way too long and also way too personal at this point. i think about him a disproportionate amount, i only have 2 other ocs i remotely care about and the extent of my thoughts for those guys is "i think hes fun 👍"

this has probably also been like, the 3rd most comprehensive description of tsuru that ive made, 1st being the thoughts in my head and 2nd being the past 5 years worth of DMs with my friend who i talk about tsuru with

(why was this sort of structured like the beginners guide. if youve seen the beginners guide tell me if im right or delusional. if u havent, go watch a playthrough of it, have an existential crisis, and then afterwards tell me)

[fantasyinvader]

I was planning on following up on my post from last night, examining how Edelgard's end card combines the Devil tarot, Baphomet and Napoleon to fully display what her character is after: namely rather than people coming to her of their own free will and becoming more like her as the devil tarot depicts, instead it's pointing to her using violence to force people to be like her. The fact there's an angel while Edelgard is holding a reversed version of the Hand of Justice, a symbol of God's blessing instwad imitating Baphomet while the angel has a different coloration than the one in Silver Snow's ending, makes it out that while Edelgard might be demonically themed she's making herself out to be divine. The fact Napoleon's pose was based on a lost statue of Zeus only furthers the idea of her having a god complex. It all screams the route was a path of conquest, from her stomping on the flags to the twin-headed eagle in the background.

And I don't think that Eagle is meant to be a jianjian. A jian is a bird where the males have one wing and eye on one side, the females on the other. It's supposed to be them being a pair, incomplete without their true love and with them able to fly. The problem is that we see that the Eagles have their wing on one side and a visible eye on the other. That's not a jianjian, that's just an ancient symbol for Empire. If that were a jianjian, it would only be able to see what was right in front of it, missing everything that goes on around it…which would be fitting for Flower, I admit. But it doesn't work as a symbol of love, which fits considering the route's intended name, Safflower, merely means attraction which was built upon in Hopes with Edelgard being instinctively drawn to Byleth being chalked up to their Crests (plus it also says you're trying to ensnare either a partner or good luck, calling to mind the devs wanting to "trick" players somehow and how they made Flower easier to access when test players couldn't). Plus the Devil Tarot would suggest going down the path would be Byleth giving into not just their attachment to Edelgard, but linking it with lust as well (as commentary on horny otaku perhaps?).

The combination of demonic imagery and an empire does suggest she's an AntiChrist figure, especially considering she's bearing a weapon marked with a Crest known as "The Beast" and persecutes the faithful of Fodlan. This lines up with Nemesis, having been said to persecute the people which pushed them to follow his example by killing and stealing in order to acquire power for themselves. The fact the antichrist was originally an emperor who persecuted early Christians, believed to be Nero, and the title was been used to describe Napoleon at the time works as well. The fact that the word nemesis can mean adversary, and Satan means The Adversary, could be at play here to. Not to mention the Agarthans and their war against the Goddess. It gives the impression that Edelgard is returning to the ways of Nemesis, who she believes is a champion of humanity but was also used by the Agarthans (with the evidence pointing to them presenting themselves as gods or at least holy). Combine this with the different colored angel in the picture, it could symbolize the Agarthans making Edelgard into the ruler of Fodlan in contrast to the more blueish angel championing Byleth.

So…yeah. Lot's of symbolism going on in that picture and all of it ties together to paint a darker image. I was planning on going over this in more depth, but it's been a hell of a day and I'm tired. I was also planning on talking about Martian Successor Nadesico and how it uses death of the author, but I'll leave that for tomorrow.

Conversely, I noticed on the Silver Snow ending the wheels of the cart Byleth is on have eight spokes, a symbol of the noble eightfold path that leads to enlightenment (which Byleth maintains in Snow).

[spuddlespud]

Find the Word/Manuscript Search Tag

Tagged by:

@inkspellangel 💜: home, pick, why & around

@aohendo 💜: draw, bank, bow, bass, and cow

@talesofsorrowandofruin 💜: mild, money, music, memory and margin

@talesofsorrowandofruin 💜: maybe, perhaps, possibly and likely

I tag: @winterandwords @eccaiia @blind-the-winds @primroseprime2019 @sillyliterature @btranscrolls @littlepatchofhell @late-to-the-fandom @justnerdy15

Your words are: burn, big, blunt, beg

Home - Untitled Werewolf WIP

She shuffled her way back home, her tail, both figuratively and literally, between her legs.

Pick -A Short Way to An Angry AI

Deciding to just repeat the same refrain after she realised she'd forgotten the other lyrics meant that Sadie soon picked up Celeste's version of the song, her singing voice perfectly on tune but with a metallic quality to it.

Why - Untitled Werewolf WIP

"He is. He's not going to be in the mood for it today though."

Mutt grinned. "Why do you think I've dragged myself in today."

She could tell Darius was holding back a smile, even as he rolled his eyes.

Around - A Short Way to An Angry AI

Riley glared at her as they barged past to the bathroom, noticeably the only room on the ship the AI did not have access to.

Celeste looked around the galley for clues. "What put them in such a foul mood?"

Draw - Old Inn Door

The rest of the week dragged by. It wasn't exactly the cosy homecoming a young woman could have asked for. First there was all the settling back in to do, cases to unpack, bedrooms to air out, baths to be drawn.

Bank - A Workers Guide to Demonology

The door mocks me. Okay, plan number two. To be honest, I don't really know what to do. Food seems appealing but I don't have any money and I have no idea how to withdraw from Ellie's bank account.

Bass -none

Cow - The Familiarity Between the Owl and the Pussycat

An almost imperceptible meow came from under the tree, and he saw Midnight's coal black fur where the cat was cowering.

Mild - none

Money - A Workers Guide to Demonology

You'd think I'd have something better to do with my evening, but many human 'experiences' in England cost money which I am sorely lacking in, and it is exceptionally hard to convince customer service workers that I am a credible physical threat when I am in this small body and in a flowery dress.

Music - A Short Way to An Angry AI

"Don't you dare!"

"Initiating music system, 99 Trumpets of..."

"Right I'm up. I'm up." Riley yelled, their syllables short and tense.

Memory - Old Inn Door

Why had the highwayman given this to her, surely that was the opposite of what any self respecting robber would do. She thought maybe he had made a mistake in the darkness, but the memory of his chuckle stayed in her head. She fell asleep clutching the chain in her hand.

Margin - none

Maybe - A Workers Guide to Demonology

A hangover, huh. Maybe I'm not dying after all.

Perhaps - Old Inn Door

Bess refused to step down, standing her ground against the man's cold stare and stale breath, trying to broadcast her innocence through her eyes. "I don't know, Sir. It could be our fireplace perhaps, it's been a little blocked lately."

Possibly - Dragonbreath and Skelefellas

"Hmmm." The noise came as a loud rumble from the dragon's chest, even making the ground under Saph's boots tremble. The dragon let the silence hang for a minute before he reverted to the telepathic system that dragons found more civilised "And what could you possibly have to offer me?"

Likely - A Workers Guide to Demonology

I don't dare to go back inside, it isn't likely to help me with Mission Alpha. I'm also not positive I know how to work a key into a lock. Not that I couldn't do it. I just don't want to seem like I don't know what I'm doing.

[shimmerbeasts]

❛   tap .   tap  my  muse  on  the  shoulder  to  garner  their  attention . - @p-sti for vi!

They hadn't found her.

Vi had been so sure that Jinx might be somewhere in the old arcade. In fact, she was pretty convinced that they had just missed her. But somehow that beast had survived the very trap, they had tried to spring for her. Tough as nails. If Vi was honest with herself, she would have been disappointed if that had not been the case.

Still, Vi should not be happy about Jinx slipping past them. They had to find her and put an end to what she had done. It did not matter that somewhere in the back of Vi's mind, there was a voice, nagging: But she had every right to do this. This was an act of retaliation. It did not matter! You did not retaliate against Piltover. That was not how this worked! It had not worked for Vander. It would not work for Jinx. Vi refused to entertain any other idea.

They stood outside the old arcade, clouds of the Grey enshrouding them, yet they faced no harm due to the gas masks covering their mouths and noses. The strike team was trying to figure out where to go from here. Vi tapped her boot restlessly on the spot, dissatisfied with the fact that she could not rely on her sense of smell to try tracking down Jinx. Caitlyn's plan meant that not only the other inhabitants, but Vi herself were going completely blind when it came to their sense of smell.

Vi groaned into the gas mask in frustration. Think Vi, think! Where else could she go? She couldn't have gone far. Yet Vi knew that was a comforting lie. Any Zaunite worth their salt was as slippery as an adder - one moment in one place, the next miles away. Yet no matter how hard Vi thought, figuring out what route Jinx may have taken was hard. Not while she was on the ground like this!

A hand tapped her broad shoulder. Vi spun around, half-expecting Caitlyn standing behind her. She could not help the pang of disappointment in her gut at seeing Maddie. "I am sorry", Vi muttered quickly, "It is hard to think with all this smog in the air."

She looked at Caitlyn and explained with a familiar urgency like entrusting someone with a hidden detail: "I can't track her. The smog's too thick, Caitlyn. Do you mind if I get up that ladder over there?" She pointed out an old iron ladder, which was leading up to the roof of a nearby building. Caitlyn followed her gaze up. It was hard reading her face with that godawful mask on, but as Vi had hoped, her girlfriend got the plan. She nodded.

Climbing up the ladder, Vi got on a roof. Up here, the air was still less than ideal compared to what Piltover had to offer, but it was miles better than how hard it was to breathe in the streets right now. Vi carefully unlatched her mask and hung it around her neck. Her breath left her lips in a small cloud.

Alright, let's do this.

Her nostrils trembled as Vi sniffed the air. With the Grey rolling through the streets in slow, drawn-out waves, most of what her Vastayan senses could pick up on, was nothing but the chemicals in those festering clouds. However, she did not give up so quickly. Vi inhaled the air once more, opening her mouth a touch. Tigers like all big cats had a special organ in the roof of their mouths, which helped them with smells. Vi had a rudimentary version of that.

Blood!

Her eyes widened. Vi almost gagged. Freshly spilled blood. The scent almost got lost in the smog, but it was clearly there. Vi tiptoed in a circle until she stopped, raised a hand and pointed down a sidestreet at the back of the arcade?!

Hastily putting her mask back on, Vi practically came sliding down the ladder and returned to the group. With zero explanation given, she said: "We went the wrong way!"

@p-sti

[heroesofchroma]

Ch.1 - WASP's Soldier

(PREV / ALL \ NEXT)

It took about ten minutes for this mysterious stranger to arrive, and when she did, he almost didn’t believe her. She was just a teenager, no more than 16 and no more than 5’7” with two long ponytails of shiny brown hair tied up on her head, and purple-rimmed glasses with lightly-tinted green lenses on her face. All she wore was a purple blouse and green sweatpants… Or so he thought at first. Then his eyes were drawn to her hands and feet. Steel boots and gauntlets that reached up to her knees and elbows clad them, and on top, he could only guess they were either energy conduits or just fancy lights that pulsed green. Either way, she was clearly meant to be here, and not because of a sick version of Bring-your-kid-to-work day.

He’d spent the last five minutes recounting what he could remember and his romp through the lab he’d just ripped and beat his way out of. From the collar he managed to rip off his neck to… What happened in that loading dock they pulled him off the floor of.

"So... What you're telling me... is that a guy called Dr. Hallock mutated you and three others, with a mysterious fifth figure who just kinda happened, and all of you took after the look of animals?" asked the teenager.

"That's about right… Aside from the one," he replied. He left out a very important part on how he got into this mutation project. Something a little too personal to share right now.

She leaned back in her chair and sighed. "Well... I wanna say I don't believe you just to try and make you feel better, but talking to a giant bug man kinda keeps me from that conclusion."

"You haven't seen the bodies yet?"

"Honestly, I try to avoid that section of any raid I happen to visit in on. Smells awful and I don't like seeing corpses so close... Makes me shiver every time."

"Guess it's a reminder you're humane."

She chuckled. "Cute, but I'd rather see them mutilated this time if I had to. WASP is nothing but a bunch of lowlifes and sickos."

"Wasp?" he tilted his head. Hard to do, since the shell covering it took up about a third of his shoulder span in terms of width.

"The name of the organization that held you and those other four hostages." She looked back to the growing lines of body bags behind her from where the two sat on the helicopter pad. "Speaking of, I was told there were three meta bodies, not four. What happened to the other?"

"Long story short, I don't know. All I was told is that she wasn't there when we left. Must've stayed back..."

"So you left her?"

"No, I assumed she'd follow when I ripped her cell door off. Just like the others... Guess not..."

She paused for a moment, reading his tone and movements fully. "You don't have to blame yourself for her choice, you know? Sure, it may have saved all of you, but it might've also gotten all of you killed."

He didn't respond.

"Look, just-... You can't dwell on this. What's done is done and you have to live with it, especially if it happened because of someone else."

"I'm more worried about how this is going to come to bite me in the ass if what I'm thinking of is going to happen..."

Silence pervaded the air for a moment before the teen sighed and stood up. "You said your name was Travis, right?" She put out her hand with a smile. "Brangwen. Just call me Gwen."

He took the hand gingerly. He knew his strength and didn't want to end up breaking something. "Good to meet you... What happens now?"

"Well," she started, heading for the osprey behind them. "First, you'll need a place to stay. Lucky you, I've got one prepped already for you once Chroma lets you out. I'd say it'll take a couple days. Maybe."

"Let me out?"

"You think they're going to let a mutant like you out on the streets without some psychological checks? Let alone the physical ones because of those injuries." She couldn't see it, but she could feel the doubt and worry seeping out of him. "Oh stop it, Chroma's not gonna dissect you or some conspiracy BS like that. Just some white coats lookin' over you to make sure you can walk and think enough not to kill anyone. That's all."

Despite not entirely believing that'll be it, his shoulders still slacked a bit with the reassurance. "Alright. And then what happens?"

Gwen put her finger to her chin, wondering if she should tell him. "Eh, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Why spoil the surprise plan of mine now?" she finally said after half a minute with what could only be described as a coy smile on her face.

After half an hour of waiting, ten minutes of just him getting into a chopper, and another two-hour lift to Centurion City, Travis finally realized what had happened, after a little chatty explanation of it to confirm. That girl was a hacker. A White Hat, and worked with Chroma, if not for them, in getting information off of the bad guys’ hard drives. The realization hit him when the helicopter she was on veered off towards another building, while the other two that had come along with the two ospreys headed towards the tallest building in the city outside Rotund Park, Chroma HQ.

As the chopper landed, Travis took a look at the city he grew up in. From the top of the titanous tower, he couldn’t see the concrete jungle's floor, but he could see City Hall and every city district. And of course the stadium and the Park. It was still hard to believe he could recognize almost every part of this city, but none of it would recognize him anymore.

All the while, Travis was being given the explanation of what exactly would happen during his medical tenure at the HQ, but he only really caught half of it while he was lost in thought. All he knew for sure was that he was going to have a lot of people in white coats poking and prodding him for a while, and him being displeased was not a good word for it. More like peeved or heavily annoyed.

Having only ever been on the first couple floors of Chroma once for a school field trip, Travis marveled to himself seeing the well-oiled machine work. While he wasn’t surprised by the fact that it held a hospital and what he caught was a four-story-tall training gym, he was surprised to see a lot of familiar faces from the morning news. Faces like Poisona and Lumisoul among others, getting physicals or patching injuries with the doctors staffed here. Not having really paid attention to the floor, he didn’t know exactly how high up they were.

He didn’t really have time to ponder that any farther, either, since he was quickly wheeled into one of the numerous cubical-style rooms that wasn't currently occupied. Inside sat a nice-looking woman who was clearly aged to her 60s though had an air of barely 30. When prompted, she turned about, showing off her tanned face framed by silver hair and, instead of the recoiling in fear or surprise he expected, greeted Travis with a warm smile.

"Oh, a new patient, I see?" she asked, her voice chipper and kind as she extended her hand. "Dr. Meran, at your service. Might I ask your name?"

Travis opened his hand, showing he really wasn't in any shape to lift it, and when she put her hand in his, he gingerly shook it as best he could. "Travis," he said softly. His voice still caused his gut to wretch with pain if he spoke too loud or too long. "You're... not scared?"

The doctor laughed and waved him off. "Oh, honey, if I were scared of a big bug, I wouldn't be working here!" Turning back to her computer, she fiddled around with some programs he couldn't name before turning back. "I assume you aren't yet registered with Chroma?"

"He's just been brought in from the last WASP raid. He needs treatment for some serious wounds sustained in battle," chimed the soldier who carted him here. The same one that told the fate of his friends. He learned she preferred to be called Corporal Mitchel, at least for the time being.

"Ah, I see. Thank you, Corporal, I'll take it from here. Do send someone in to help move him to the cot, though. Please," Mitchel gave a quick salute before leaving Travis in her care. "Alright, let's start with the basics. Can you tell me what happened?"

Travis thought for a moment, trying to remember the details, and what was too grizzly for him to want to remember. "Long story short… I was… hit. With an anti-tank round. Still hurts to talk too much… and the only reason… I survived was... Because someone else took it first."

"Oh my, I hope it wasn't a friend of ours," Dr. Meran said, putting a few fingers to her chin with a worried look on her face.

Travis tactfully decided not to tell her what exactly happened, and instead explained, "No, it was… uh… One of their supers..." It was still hard to think about, and his face showed it, despite not being able to emote properly through rigid chitin brows.

She smiled at that. "I’m so sorry you had to go through that… But at least it wasn’t one of us, right?"

Travis simply nodded in response, trying not to remember it too vividly. He couldn’t tell if Meran caught that, but she didn’t mention it either way.

The two then went on to the boring part of the procedure, handling the basic paperwork with Travis giving his basic information - Full name, Travis Backladder. Age, 16. Height and weight, 7’6” and 368 pounds. Skin color, charcoal black with yellow accents, insectoid exterior. Eye color, soft violet solids. Unusual anatomy, of course the exoskeleton, but apparently, from data the doctor was given from recovered files at the base, his endoskeleton survived the transformation as well… That one surprised even Travis. Lastly, appendages, with two arms, two legs, three fingers per hand, two toes per foot, and two antennae, 3 segments each.

She was only really surprised at hearing he was only a teenager, seeing as he was... exceptionally tall for one, thanks to the mutations. At the end of it, Dr. Meran concluded she’d need at least four days to get him walking again, and once he was moved onto the bed, the process began.

From there, all he remembered was Dr. Meran mentioning an anesthetic and a needle finding its way between his chitin and through his muscles. The dosage was high, he could tell that just from the size of the syringe. But it was definitely a surprise with how fast it knocked him out.

Travis woke up later that night, groaning and reaching up a hand to rub over his face. He looked up at his hand, realizing that he had an IV somehow lodged under the shell around his wrist. Figuring it was in his best interests right now to not mess with it, he simply laid his hand back down and stared up at the ceiling tiles. 

He couldn’t ignore the almost overwhelming smells of the place. The air freshener on the other side of the room felt like it was constantly right under his nose. Or, now in this body, right against his antennae. Not to mention Travis could still smell cleaners they’d used to sterilize this place before he got here. With his free hand, he’d rub against his antennae gently, trying to ease them. It helped a little, at least. He’d have to ask the next time someone was in if they could take that freshener away.

Looking around, he realized he had been wheeled into a much more proper medical room. There was another space for a second cot, though it sat empty for the time being.

There was a window to his left that overlooked the skyline out towards City Hall. In front of him, there was a TV. Between him and the space for the second cot was a side table wide enough to fit between them, just far enough from the cot to allow the curtain to sit perfectly against the wall when it was pulled shut. A remote, presumably for the TV, sat on said table, along with a rather tall stack of… Whatever topical magazines there were.

What… Now? he thought to himself.

He had no other family other than his mother. His mother who… All he could remember of her was watching her walk past his cell every now and again. He could see a look in her eye that she knew she was looking at her son every time she passed. She knew it was her own son she damned to this alien body and that hellish training.

His friends had no deep ties to him, let alone would they even recognize him anymore… He didn’t even know what story they’d heard about him on the news all those months ago. He didn’t even remember how long it had been. He wondered how many of them cared to remember him, after… It had to have been at least a full school year’s worth of time not seeing him at minimum.

Travis looked around the room, trying to find something else to put his mind to.

Might as well try and learn this fancy medical cot’s controls, right? The thing was built with some form of comfort in mind, right? The buttons were clearly labeled with nice little picture instructions, showing what they all did. By the looks, it turned into a pseudo-recliner with enough button inputs in the right order.

Two days. Travis spent two days laying in that hospital bed. Between proddings and check-ups and treatments and tests, time was wasted either watching whatever TV programming seemed the least terrible in the moment or staring out the window at the skyline and trying to develop some kind of future plan. 

But… What could he really do now? What SHOULD he really do now? What… Am I now?

Around ten in the morning, a knock came on the door, along with a familiar voice. “Morning, big man!” chimed Brangwen, who did not wait for a reply to her knocking. “How’re yah holdin’ up?”

“Physically, like a sack of rocks. Mentally, like a sack of potatoes. So overall, not too terrible, all things considered. Nice knock, by the way,” Travis replied, leaning his head over to look at the girl. “Guess this is visitors’ hours?”

“Well,” Gwen started, pulling a chair up to the bed and sitting in it backward. “Not quite yet, but when you’ve got privileges like I do they let you get away with a lot more than normal civies. Like coming in an hour early for visits.”

Travis stared at her for a moment. He’d look quizzical if emoting wasn’t basically impossible with most of his shell. “You’re basically an employee here, aren’t you?”

“Basically, yeah.” Gwen looked up at Travis, a slightly apologetic look on her face. “I’m not bothering you too much, am I?”

Travis chuckled in response, waving a weak hand at her. “Nah. Nothing good on right now anyway, the birds aren’t anywhere outside, and I wasn’t sleeping. Even if I was asleep, I haven’t been doing it well anyway.”

“At least you’re breathing better, that’s for sure,” Gwen exclaimed, trying to bring in a silver lining to all of this. “This time a few days ago, you could barely speak three words without ripping a new hole in your lung, or whatever the hell was wrong.”

“Getting hit with an antimaterial rifle will do that to you,” Travis rebuttled, trying to be joking. When it was obvious Gwen didn’t find it remotely funny, he gave another nervous chuckle and added in a, “Sorry…”

After a slightly awkward pause, Gwen breaks the silence with, “How’ve you been holding up, big guy?”

“Poked, prodded, needled by the swords of a thousand doctors… Three square meals a day with desserts, free cable, a nice skyline to stare at… All things considered, not too bad.”

“Good. That’s good,” Gwen sighs out in relief. 

Travis looks at Gwen. “You want to ask something, don’t you?”

“You thought about what to do after all is said and done here?” Gwen asks immediately and candidly.

Another awkward pause pervades the room. “Well, to answer your question, I haven’t really had the time. Or the energy. Or the want, really. Trying to relax and recover has been my priority, and stressing myself about all of that wouldn’t help me.” He’d point a finger to Gwen now in a slightly accusatory fashion. “You on the other hand seem to have put a lot of thought into what I’m going to be doing.”

“Wh-What? No!” Gwen exclaims, raising one hand defensively while the other rubbed the back of her neck. She’d clear her throat before continuing. “I’ve only thought about it a little bit…”

Travis couldn’t help but laugh lightly, ending up causing himself a short coughing fit. As it subsided, he’d finally say, “Don’t worry about it. I was just joking.” Clearing his own throat, Travis looked up at the TV. It was mostly just a distraction for his eyes as they talked. “What’s it, then? Your plan, since you wanna spill your beans?”

“Well…” Struggling for a moment to formulate the words, Gwen sighed before just trying it straight. “You thought about sticking it to WASP?”

The mutant noticeable jumped when the suggestion came out. “Sticking it to WASP…” he echoed, looking down in thought. Could… Was that really an option? Was that really on the table, realistically speaking?

“DON’T! Be so quick…” Gwen exclaimed, lifting herself off the seat for a moment a shaking a worried hand at him. Once she took a deep breath and put herself back in the chair, she’d go on with, “Look, I know it sounds far-fetched, but just… Think about it. You’re a big, hard, strong shell that, from what I’ve been told, has been at least lightly trained for combat scenarios. You have the option is all I’m saying, and if you really want to… I dunno, I could talk to the doctors and see if they can get you the basic info on what it’d take. It’s different for everyone, after all, and-”

“Maybe,” Travis said, staring off into the distance of the television mounted on the wall, barely paying attention to whatever the hell celebrity gossip news was on. She was right, after all. He was put through training, even if it was mostly durability. And he was strong. But… Was it really worth it? “I’ll think about it.”

The girl smiled back at him. “That’s all I could ask. And if you do, I’ll have your back with tech support, alright?”

Travis glanced over to Brangwen. His quartet of mandibles morphed into a strange sort of gentle smile… As best as they can be, at least. “Yeah… Thanks.” The two sat in silence for a moment before Travis spoke up again. “Brangwen-” he started.

She almost immediately cut him off. “Please- call me Gwen.”

“Right… Sorry. Gwen…” Travis began again, looking the girl in the eyes. “What… Do you know? About this whole process, I mean. You talk about it like you’ve done it before.”

Gwen rested her head on her hands before she answered, looking off to some far-off corner of the floor. “That’s cause I kinda have. Three other times, actually.”

Travis tilted his head in response. He was about to ask for more, but luckily, he didn’t have to.

“They weren’t nearly as in-depth of a start as this one, mind you. Just-... Well, a friend of mine had powers and I wanted to help her start out, and that was the first one. We went on for a couple of months before she decided it wasn’t for her and she dropped out, but I wanted to keep helping. So I found another guy who wanted to start up, helped him, and the same story, but instead of dropping out, he just went on his own.”

Travis hummed in response to let her know he was listening. “Sounds like a lot. You’ve been doing this for a year or two, it sounds like?”

“Two years, yeah,” Gwen replied, her voice getting more solemn. “The last guy was… He was a vigilante when I found him. Unregistered, yah know. Long story short, when that relationship ended, it was… Let’s just say it was mid-mission and leave it at that…”

By her tone and the look on her face, Travis could tell what Gwen was implying. He reached a hand over and gently pat her shoulder. “Thank you for telling me. I know it can be hard.”

“Just want you to know what you’re getting into. It’s not a glamorous or safe business after all…” Gwen explained, finally lifting her head back up and looking Travis in the face again. 

Travis could only hum in response and nod along. That reminder swam around in his thoughts as he actually pondered what life might be like in that scene… But also, what else could he really do? Heavy lifting work somewhere in the civilian sphere, maybe?

“If… I choose against it,” Travis began, trying to pick his words carefully. “Would you still help me?”

Gwen smiled up at him. “I’ll do what I can for as long as you need.” The girl reached her hand out to shake, and Travis took it gingerly in response. “Speaking of, I’ve got a room set up for you when you get discharged from here.”

Travis cocked his head. “What do you mean, ‘room’?”

“We’ll hammer out the details of the whole arrangement later, but if you have nowhere else to go, my brother and I have a spare room for you,” Gwen explained, standing up from her chair. 

Thinking for a moment about the offer, Travis looked over and nodded. “Thanks, Gwen. Whatever it is, it’s better than trying to strike it on my own right now.”

A smile beamed from the hacker’s face. “Any time.” Turning for the door, she explained, “I gotta head out. The rent we collect might pay for the building, but I pay for food!”

“Right, have a good one, Gwen,” Travis said, brushing off the comment. It wasn’t until the door closed behind the girl that it really hit him what she just said. “Wait… She collects rent?” he thought aloud.

Not too long after, maybe 20 minutes, Dr. Meran walked into the room, her voice peppy as ever. “Good afternoon, Mr. Backladder, how are you feeling?”

Trying to lighten the mood, Travis asked as dramatically as he could, “Just gimme the bad news, doc, what’s wrong with me?”

It seemed to work a little, though the doctor didn’t seem keen on playing along. “Well, the hole in your stomach certainly isn’t healthy,” she replied, sitting down next to the bed after turning the chair back around.

“Well, you’re just being no fun,” Travis returned with an equally dramatic pouty voice.

With a chuckle, the doc continued, “Sorry, it comes with the company. In any case, I have good news for you. I was looking over your physicals and various tests, and you should be clear to be discharged within just a couple of days.”

“I thought you said the hole in my gut was bad?” Travis asked, actually curious now.

“It was, and still is,” Dr. Meran replied, flipping some notes on her clipboard around. “However, according to all studies, it seems that whatever WASP did to you also increased your body’s natural regeneration, along with increasing its physical tolerances.”

This confused Travis a little bit. “I thought most of it was ‘cause of whatever drugs you were pumping into me?”

“Those certainly didn’t hurt, don’t misunderstand.” The doctor pulled a few pages off her clipboard and handed them to Travis. “But- look here- there’s also bad news with the good that we’ve neglected to bring up so far to try and mitigate the information you were given all at once, and to confirm exactly what was going on. It seems that, in that WASP facility, they were testing or using an airborne inhalant stimulant. In short, it boosted a muscle’s capacity for work, as well as one’s endurance and pain tolerance, however, it also diminished immediate thought processes and was highly addictive.”

Travis looked over the page, sitting up as properly as he could now as he skimmed it over and took a hard look at the small diagrams. This alone was a lot to take in. He actually felt glad they waited to tell him about this, but it still left him with so many questions. “So…” he started, trying to pick out how he wanted to phrase his question. “What does this mean for me? I assume you caught it in my blood or you wouldn’t be saying anything, right?”

“We didn’t find the drug itself, but we did find evidence of its side effects. It was caught due to our soldiers who were unlucky enough to not be wearing gas masks while invading the WASP facility,” Meran explained, leaning back in her chair. Her tone was flat. Serious. Entirely business, no pomps or frills. But not cold. “Heightened aggression, muscle tension, and dulled nerves, to just name a few specifics. And to repeat, highly addictive. That being said, have you experienced any new symptoms? Extreme fatigue? Headaches? Anxiety of any kind that’s out of the ordinary? Other usual suspects of withdrawals?”

Travis thought hard for a moment, trying to grasp the full gravity of the situation. Not only was he kidnapped and mutated, he was, on top of all that, drugged. And for so long… “I… Had a bit of a headache this morning, but I think that was dehydration?” He put his finger and thumb to his chin, really trying to remember the last few days. It was starting to really worry him all of this. “Well, I can’t say for certain about recently, but I can tell you I’m certainly real damn anxious now.”

Meran took notes for a moment, crossing her legs back and forth as her pencil scratched at her clipboard. “Starting today, I’m going to prescribe a sort of rehab program. We’ve already started working on an anti-drug, but due to the nature of this inhalant, it may take some time. Until then, we’ll take care of this, alright?”

Travis could only nod in response, looking at his left hand. It had begun shaking upon realizing what’s been going on. There really was a chance he could’ve been a walking weapon. And now, knowing he was drugged by some mysterious substance they don’t even have a name for, can he even say he was really testing himself against inanimate targets back in the facility? He tried to shake the thought from his head, but couldn’t manage, clasping his hands around himself, squeezing tight.

Dr. Meran’s comforting hand gently landed on Travis’s clenching claws. Travis managed to look her in the eye. Despite his unemotive face, he could tell she saw his fear written all over him. “We’ll fix this. We will fix this,” Meran repeated. Sitting back again, she went on. “We’ll start with a simple total body detox solution overnight tonight, and we’ll also get you fitted for an inhaler mask just in case of any lung damage that may have occurred during your stay in the facility. Does that sound like something you can handle?”

Travis nodded again, managing a shaky, “Yeah… Yeah. I-I can do that.”

He couldn’t tell what happened. It was almost a placebo effect, but he couldn’t tell if it was from the drug or if it was just knowing about it, but he definitely started feeling anxious and tense now. Down to his very core. And he couldn’t shake the feeling that it might have even been halucinatory…

“Doc?”

Dr. Meran perked up from her clipboard. “Yes?”

“You… Looked into this drug, right? Right… So… Did you notice any… Or, I guess- Did anyone report… Hallucinations? Seeing things?”

The doctor immediately shook her head. “No, there have been no reports of hallucinogenic properties in this drug.”

It didn’t take the thoughts out of his mind, but that answer did get an audible, whistly sigh out of Travis. “That’s… Comforting.” He laid back in his cot, trying to rub his arms and get his mind off of that terrible feeling in the pit of his stomach. “I… Think I need to be alone for a bit, doc…”

Dr. Meran stood with a nod. “Of course, Mr. Backladder. You know how to call us, and please, don’t hesitate.” Before turning to leave, the doctor offered that usual bright smile of hers, and repeated one last time, “We’re going to fix this.”

As the doctor left, Travis muttered under his breath a half-hearted, “Yeah… Yeah, we will.”

(PREV / ALL \ NEXT)

[chazi-lastname]

((Fun Fact: This is actually attempt two at posting this. Please, Arceus, let us remember to save as a draft this time eeeeee))

Ahem, Learposting.

So let's continue this crazy ride by posting the rest of the doodles on asavt's whiteboard (we finally taught ourselves how to spell yer name lol)

ignore the line plz we have no idea how that got there we think we accidentally drew it trying to scroll, fergitting there is a move tool fer a reason

also we know we posted the "i love my lame ass boyfriend" one before but we like the finished version sm lol

LOOK at their crowns.

Sidenote: we went insane trying to figure out was RLS meant not realizin' it means one of the things we're literally hyperfixated on right now (RoyalLectureShipping) (acronyms are our autism weakness fer real fr)

.

Speaking of, our two silly royallecture arts (There will be plenty more dw dw):

These are the first two times we drew Cheren since like... we have no idea lol (actually not that long ago since we only played black, maybe like 3 or 4 years ago, and we are only just now starting our pokemon white 2 playthrough as of a few days ago...)(but like, our art style is so much different now than it was even a year ago.....

OUR POINT being that we were still figurin' out how to draw him lol the whiteboard doodles helped us establish an artstyle fer him

Anyway!!

We WILL post our ship headcanons as a different post lol we're making our own "understand my ship" meme because all of the premade ones aren't feral enough for our liking lol

Gosh though, Royallecture or not, now that we've figured out an artstyle fer Cheren, that silly is gettin' DRAWN!!!!!!!!!!

.

BUT CHAZI!!!!!!

Aren't you fergittin' 'bout the other two of the Pasio trio? WRONG!!!!

We just haven't been able to establish an artstyle fer them just yet.

The only finished art we have of Rachel and Sawyer is this one of their younger versions. Here, we imagine they are somethin' like Rachel: 10, Lear: 13, Sawyer: 25. We headcanon their present ages to be Rachel: 20, Lear: 23, Sawyer: 35. ((Ofc thats just headcanon lol pokemon won't give information on things like ages and last names so we do it ourselves lol we don' argue headcanons lol that's dumb))

.

And now we blast to the past (chazi, it has been like 2 months tops, chill) with the very first arts we drew of Lear:

Before he became the Interdemensional Donut Prince we know him as now.

We couldn't figure out how to draw his dumb ass hair style at first lol. That one with the bright colours. We shall redraw it cuz eeeee bright colours are our jam.

.

And the final one (drum roll please)

We made this, ignore the watermark, not realizing you need to actually use references to replicate an art style. WHO KNEW RIGHT?@!1!!!1

Anyway, we are making note here that we are forcing our friend, definitely not at gunpoint, to make Lear's voice into a Friday Night Funkin chromatic. This will be amazing. We will be so normal when its done.

.

And with that, you have reached an end to this crazy scene. Little do you know it is only the beginnin' of a descent into madness.

.

Now, get out of our room and show this planet what hot shit do!

Various Learpostin'. A gallery of Lear, aka the Interdemensional Donut Prince, arts we have made since we started this new hyperfixation (Since August). Arts that either are not finished er otherwise couldn' make the cut ta qualify fer their own posts.

Also referred to as....

An art dump.

[Warning: Autistic person's headcanons will be mentioned maybe]

Startin' off....

Spamton And Lear glasses swap:

Spamton was our previous big big hyperfixation befer Lear lol yall missed the days of Amino and Spamcember. Don't worry though. He's comin' back soon. #KromerKlub

So, we maaaaaay have a type, of sorts, fer arrogant, long-haired, silly guys wit' big dumb glasses that hide their traumatized eyes. Jus' a hunch.

.

Whatever this is:

Kitter Lear we dunno lol he so very silly like look at his fluff.

.

Idp with and without his signature shades:

His glasses are prescription lol he can see kiiiinda wit'out them, but definitely cannot read wit'out 'em.

He's also sleep deprived as hell lol

We could info dump about exactly why all that is but lets just put it at:

He inherited them from his mother. (Yes we have headcanons and backstory from characters that don't even have canonical names dont @ us lmaoooooo)

(When To Be A King, The Full Story is finally posted on Ao3, you'll know)

.

Oh yeah, that reminds us. Yes, the hyperfixation grew to fanfiction too. The only other one who got to that point was Spamton himself (Was never posted though)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/58954147

(To Be A King by Chazoul47)

Here, have fun. The funni full story is also being worked on slowly and surely (prologue is posted but thats all)

Aryararara if you see this, you're the silly fanfic friend, help us know if we did good lolololol oh god oh fuck anxiety go brrrrr so lets continue on this post

.

All of the Lear doodles we made on THE whiteboard by asavt (please please we swear to lord arceus that we can remember how to spell yer name aaaaaaa):

(thank you asavt fer puttin up wit' us <3)

WAIT! NEVERMIND!!!!!! not all cuz tumblr is homophobic and won't let us post more than 10 images lol /silly

THIS WILL CONTINUE IN THE NEXT POST THEN REEEEEEEEEE

(after work though/on break/you'll see it again whenever it happens)

[itsaary]

This will be entirely out of context because I cannot seem to get a comprehedable summary of the AU down without accidentally adding another few details, but a Roleswap AU that has Luz in the position of the Collector, Lilith as Empress and Edalyn as Amber Guard.

Luz is not completely faultless when it comes to blood on her hands.

-

"Come on, it'll be fine! You can do all this crazy stuff I have no opportunity to try, I just have to see how this one turns out! Lilith is out to attend some random meeting, she won't be around before evening."

"I don't know, Luz. She won't be happy with me if she does find out, and I'd hate to disappoint her."

"Good thing she won't then! Come on, last one's a Slowpoke!"

"Hey, not fair, you can literally teleport!" Regardless of her earlier hesitance she broke out into a sprint, catching some odd glances from patrolling guards. "And stop making references I can't understand!"

...

It couldn't have gone more wrong. The meeting was cancelled, she'd caught them setting up small silly traps all over the place, harmless pranks meant to entertain, and of course she was furious. Marilyn had carried the equipment, unable to react quickly enough to activate an invisibilty glyph with her arms currently full. So while Luz could simply slither out of vision to avoid detection, blending in with regular shadows, her buddy in crime remained plain in sight.

Not to say Lilith was foolish enough (Believed her project so utterly failed) to think her niece had come up with the plans by herself. She does not mention this, though, expression blank as she wordlessly drags the Grimwalker towards the chamber designated to make new ones, deliberately telegraphing where they are headed. Of course, only Luz knows the place as what it is, upon realizing what is going to happen reappearing in a flash, admitting to everything, to tell her it was her fault alone and her sister doesn't deserve this she did nothing wrong-

Her eyes narrow, because while she suspected, annoyed, they harboured some kind of connection, this was her and her sibling alone, clone or not. How dare she claim herself part of their perfect family? Was she not utterly out of reach, the Empress would have very well struck her down right then and there, made her suffer through her worst spells for the false accusation. But she remains calm, reminding herself she is a necessary asset to her plans. Besides, she has a much better idea of how to punish her, anyway.

This is the most gruesome death any of the constructs have had to live through, intentionally drawn out, as painful as possible. The chamber is soundproof, however, screams falling on deaf ears. And Luz can only look on in horror as she watches it all play out. (As she begins to doubt that this could be love)

Tone sweet as appleblood she turns around, noise finally beginning to quiet as her artificial life flows out of the woods fibers. "I am sorry this had to happen, Luz, but you know my sister cannot be flawed. I do not blame you for reaching out, but let this be a reminder. You were given a chance and you messed it up, this is ultimately your fault. Go ahead if you want to try again, however, be warned I won't be as merciful next time. Now excuse me, I have to fix your mistakes."

She took a week to make a new one. There's nothing quite as painful as meeting the eyes of one you used to love, still love, and see no recognition spark in them. Nothing worse than watching your big sister your friend live a happier life, unaware you exist.

The next time they interact by chance, she introduces herself as Nightlight, staying as distant as possible.

-

Does it truly matter if there would be a dozend more called by the same name, sharing her face? Does it truly matter if she has never physically touched her at all?

--------------------------------------------

I apologize for the quality of writing, it is not really a final version. There is technically a whole AU to this, we just haven't figured out what to name it yet. My personal favourite, other than Collector!Luz (somewhat) is actually the starchild in place of Vee, of course tweaked to some degree.

If I've accidentally imitated anyone elses AU I apologize, such was by no means intentional, I simply love coming up with and telling stories.

[stellartales]

zhongli ▪︎ glazed moon

pairing: zhongli x traveler!reader

genre(s): comfort + mild angst + fluff

summary: liyue harbor is once again preparing for another festival — the mid-autumn festival. but somehow she simply couldn't bring herself to join the others in the celebration. definitely not when her heart is aching in melancholy for her missing twin. — | m.list

background: this scenario takes place during the mid-autumn festival - as quoted from wikipedia - it is the second-most important holiday after Chinese New Year with a history dating back 3,000 years, when China's emperors worshipped the moon for bountiful harvests.[2] The celebration is called Chuseok (autumn eve) in Korea, Tsukimi (moon-viewing) in Japan and Tết Trung Thu (Mid-Autumn Festival) in Vietnam

this event celebrated by the chinese is usually spent eating mooncakes and drinking teas. lanterns are also an important aspect of this festival. unlike the yuanxiao fesitval or mingxiao festival (which is the fictional festival featuring best boy Xiao in GI) where lanterns are released into the sky, lanterns are hand-held. this is a festival i celebrate every year hence i'm familiar with it — feel free to read up about this on wiki!

a/n: don't mind me, this is just a random idea that popped in my head. i'm in the mood for some angsty stuff these days so just had to get it out. Flute version of 无羁 (Wu Ji) from the drama 'Untamed' was the song which inspired my angsty mood while typing this. pardon my errors (I may have missed them and i kinda wrote this on a spur sooooo yea)

Please do me a favor and reblog this. Thank youuuu ❤

the vitality of liyue harbor has always been astounding; an envy of the seven nations.

bright, bustling streets even in the darkness of nights was enough to show the nature of the city.

though, today it was a different kind of bustle. stores were already closed; even the nocturnal businesses that one would only see at night.

the moon had been bright and round the past few nights while the people busied themselves for another festival to come.

— the mid-autumn festival, an annual festival celebrated by the people of liyue or at least that was what zhongli explained yesterday when he extended an invitation to her to join him and others in moon-gazing today.

tonight, the moon shone bright and full in the clear dark sky, seemingly more so than the previous nights.

strategically rooted to the ground of a spacious balcony overlooking the gentle waves below, the stone tables were in a perfect spot beneath the brilliant moon.

colorful mooncakes of various flavors and teacups filled with steaming tea laid before her.

she sat at one of the round stone tables with some funeral parlor staff and of course, zhongli himself who has been rather busy ever since she arrived—

the cheerful chatters and laughter drew her eyes away from the empty seat beside her and to the tables across theirs.

his archon days were over, he said.

he was simply trying to experience a mundane life as 'zhongli' now, as the geo archon had put it when she expressed her surprise at his involvement with a festival fabricated by the mortals' minds.

and indeed—

her gaze idled on him.

— he was doing it too well.

illuminated by the golden glow the table lanterns emanated, the cordial and relaxed atmosphere was warmed by attentive eyes and smiling lips.

all on him.

apparently, some things never changed. whether he was rex lapis or zhongli, he carried an alluring elegance and charisma. clinging to every word and his occasional hand gestures, they were like moths drawn to a flame.

she could understand why; she liked hearing him talk. she would have gone over too, if not...if not for this weight on her heart.

it has been nearly a year since she was in teyvat looking for her twin. these few days in the harbor, the full moon was a constant reminder of how time has passed, and yet...

a heavy sigh escaped her. a longing gleam waned in her eyes as she lifted her gaze to the sky.

they used to talk and eat under a full moon just like this, a bitter ache clenched her heart.

her teeth sank into her lower lip as it trembled.

please...not now. her hands curled into shaking fists as she tried to hold back the tears threatening to leave her eyes.

not now. not at this party. she silently pleaded with herself, her squared shoulders shaking. it took all her willpower to not let the dam break.

but one managed to escape her anyway.

—shit.

she was up on her feet fast and slipped away from the party as subtly as she could.

stumbling out of the party half-blind with tears wasn't exactly the best situation to remember about the cloak meant to keep her warm on an autumn night.

luckily, she didn't end up falling off the stairs she currently sat on.

autumn in liyue was typically not cold, but tonight seemed especially so.

she shivered to the chilly breeze brushing against her back. goosebumps crawled across her skin, particularly on the areas her dress failed to protect against the cold.

she couldn't quite bring herself to go back for the cloak. not with the mess she was now.

the sight of the round moon above wavered in her vision as tears quietly trailed down her cheeks.

under the vast, seemingly endless night sky, she felt small...

— her knees were drawn closer to her chest, curled fingers digging into her dress.

...and extremely powerless.

where is he? why can't she find him? is he even in teyvat? Is he even...still alive? does he even exist anymore?

—a dreading sense of hopelessness echoed in her heart and summoned another wave of tears wavering her vision.

under this wide, endless sky and its luminous moon, she felt alone, truly alone in the presence of the joyous cacophony of laughter and playful yells coming from the festival she left behind.

a nasty voice prompted by the noise taunted her — of how no one would notice, even if she were to walk right out of liyue harbor right now.

drowning in harsh, relentless thoughts, she failed to notice the gaze of a pair of wise, golden eyes on her back, soft with concern.

long legs covered the distance between them in a quiet, graceful stride; the gentle clacks of his loafers whenever their heels hit the ground slipped past her notice too.

not even when he climbed down the steps to settle himself next to her, a step above hers.

not even the inevitable proximity between their bodies caused by the short stairs spacious for one but narrow for two.

only until his coat was off his shoulders and wrapped around hers—

"why the tears on the mid-autumn festival?"

—she jolted with a sharp gasp, her widening eyes snapping over to him.

the calm and prodding gaze that met hers was accompanied by the tender brush of his thumb across her left cheek, right under her tearing eye before switching over to her other.

"zh-zhongli?"

she stayed stunned, unsure she was feeling so because someone noticed she had left or was it because of this simple gesture.

zhongli has always been a mentor-like figure to her. his words, his wise gazes, the comforting pets he occasionally gave on her head and back had always reminded her of how she was a mere child in his eyes.

but tonight...this, nothing about the gentleness his hand or his eyes emanate felt normal. or was she just delirious?

the strange stutter of her heart caused by the hand on her face, the blush heating up her cheeks made her tear her gaze away from his, flustered.

zhongli let his hand drop back onto his knee, but his eyes stayed.

crossing her arms to hold onto his coat sitting on her shoulders, she thought hard to recall his question.

"i can't help thinking about my brother, that's all." she looked back at him, smiling.

a smile he thought reminded him of the moon when it was not yet full — a quiet light melancholic with vague sadness.

"don't worry about me, i'll be fine." she slipped a glance over her shoulder in the direction of the festival. "you should go back there, zhongli, they need you. what's mid-autumn festival for liyue without you?"

she moved to remove the coat from her shoulders, but a hand wrapped around her wrist stopped her.

"but what's mid-autumn festival without you, my dear friend?"

zhongli regarded her intently, his eyes boring into hers for a second before shifting to focus on his coat.

there was something else in his eyes when they return to hers; it came and went in a flicker. "...keep this on, it's chilly today."

"thanks..." she murmured, her shoulders sinking as she yet again returned her thoughts to her brother.

"aether..." the pain she guarded showed on her face. "will i ever be able to see him again?"

tears started to well up in her eyes once again.

"i'm sorry, zhongli, i'm so sorry..." a quiet sob broke through, "today is supposed to be about the mid-autumn festival, and yet...here you are, listening to me."

zhongli's mouth opened then snapped close.

he always knew what to say whenever she was in a pinch. however, it was tears this time, and he wasn't exactly sure about what he should do about his body's urge to extend his arms out to her.

he was already more than a thousand years old.

as the former geo archon, he was the immovable rock. emotions and impulses he used to hold within himself in his younger days were buried deep under the sands of time...or at least they should be.

so where did this come from? was this strange stir an inevitable part of being a mortal?

"you know what?"

her movement to rise from the spot beside him turned his head back to her.

resolute hardened the glint in her tearing eyes, "i don't want to hold you back any longer,"

her fingers curled into a shaky fist, nails digging into her palm.

"....the people need you. i-i think i should just go bac—"

his hand flew out before he could think any further; his body was faster than his thoughts this time.

her next breath puffed out of her, in surprise and bewilderment as her body was tugged and cocooned by a breathing warmth before she could understand what happened.

and when she did, her eyes flew wide.

cheek pressed against his neck, she found herself held to his chest. she could feel his chin atop her head and his arms around her.

he was beside her a moment ago, and now he was behind sharing the same step as her, broad enough to accommodate them. was she the one who moved? or did he?

she didn't know how but she couldn't find the energy to care —the scent of musk and lingering tea engulfing her was an alluring comfort that made her want to stop trying.

so warm. really, really warm.

and so was his voice. "...but you need me." a hand caressed the back of her head.

there was a pause before a feigned cough ensued. "i meant, this."

[mercityart]

HOW THEY MET YOU.

All art and writing is mine, do not steal. View my art on other socials too. To understand the characters backstories pls view my character design/info charts. https://linktr.ee/Mercitycreeps

Tw: these characters are mentally unwell individuals who don't typically have the means for therapy or medication, they aren't meant to be perfect, and just like so many other ppl they can be toxic and exhibit bad behavior such as self harm, possessiveness and so much more.

TW!!!!! CONTAINS VIOLENCE, SH, SEWERSLIDE, AND POSSIBLY MORE OTHER GRAPHIC CONTENT.

Please read some of the bios in regards to my version of the slenderverse characters to understand a bit more.

-------------------HOW YOU MET---------------------

Toby- Toby had been out for a midnight stroll when he found you. There you were, just this fragile little thing curled up against a tree absolutely drained with tear stains on your cheeks. Typically he'd walk away, ignoring other people; but for some weird reason he just couldn't walk away from you, couldn't resist taking a glance back at you.

You were breathtaking. With a sigh, he decided he'd wait for you to wake, to be certain you were alrighg. He had nothing better to do anyways. Sitting nearby, he placed his hoodie delicately over you to stay warm, it was nearing winter after all, and he didn't really mind the cold, he always seemed to be overheated anyways. While waiting he simply watched you, kinda creepy yes but, he didn't mean to stare. He was just too lost in thought, desperately racking his brain as to why he felt so drawn to you. You are a stranger, as far as he could tell you were relatively normal, untouched by the metaphysical world that surrounded the forest. Speaking of which, why were you here? Why were you crying in the middle of nowhere within a dense, dangerous forest? Who are you? Only once you had begun to stir did he realize how much time had passed; and how many missed calls he had from Tim and Brian... Whoops. That could wait later, you were waking up. He very carefully approaches a oblivious, groggy you, only noticing Toby when his tics had acted out due to being anxious of your concious presence. "Hey hey hey, it's ok. I'm not a threat." He took a few steps back and sits down to your level, hands up in the air; treating you like a scared hurt animal. "Who... Are you...?" Toby chuckled at such a question, giving a lopsided smile. "Toby. I live in these here woods, now my question is, who are you?" He watched as you nervously contemplated giving him, a stranger, information on you, but eventually you seem to relax upon realizing he had been nice enough to provide you protection from the cold. "(Y/N)... (Y/N)(Y/L/N)..." Toby stands up and looks at his phone then the setting sun. "Well, (Y/N)," gently he grasps your hand, helping you up. "It's getting dark so here's your options. You can call someone to pick you up so I know you get home safe, oooor," turning away he walked over to a nearby path, "you can accompany me back to my place and gets some hot cocoa or coffee or even tea in you and we can figure out what to do from there." He smiled warmly at you, his tall, lanky yet muscular figure standing patiently for you to make a decision. Noticing how dark it was getting you quickly move closer to the man, silently deciding to follow him to his place, a place of warmth and sustinance. "Good choice. Hey, we also got pumpkin spiiice~" he chuckled and talks almost in a singing tone.

Tim- Tim loves to go to the café in town. It was a little chilly out but not too hot so he simply wore a jacket and a red flannel with his signature blue jeans and boots. When he entered the café he noticed it was pretty busy that afternoon and, oh, well that's new? There you were, bustling around getting people's orders with a sweet smile on your face, although you seemed exhausted you kept the same hearnest kind-hearted personality for every person. Tim simply couldn't help but smile as he watched you, taking his seat in the corner of the café. Watching the birds on the telephone poles Timothy had lost focus for a moment, but came back to his senses upon you oh so gently brushing his shoulder with your fingertips, so softly done he could have mistaken it for a light draft. "Good afternoon, my name is (y/n), it's lovely to meet you. May I have the pleasure of taking your order?" Oh dear lords, your voice was so- oh how he could simply melt from the sugary sweetness of your words right there and then. Shaking his head lightly he smiles at you, wow, your eyes are gorgeou- no, bad Tim, focus. "Ehem, erm, yeah, sorry. May I please have a coffee?" You giggled at his awkward behavior, him rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment. "Of course, would you like anything in or on that? We have cinnamon, cream, milk, caramel and more." Calming down, Tim decided to take a bit of a risky move on his end but you were just to darling to not at least try. "Could I have something that's as sweet as you darlin?" Tim purposely dragged out his words, allowing his southern drawl to smother his words with that delicious growl of his. Watching you he noticed the apples of your cheeks change his as his words seemed to get stuck right in your heart, causing your words to fail on you before you carefully and slowly, trying to recollect yourself spoke, trying your darndest to not fall for the brown eyed beauty before you. "Ah so you take your coffee black? I commend your taste." Woah. Tim did not see that coming, but he wasn't about to back down now, not after seeing that you have some attitude in you. "Would you like anything with your drink?" Bingo. "Yes actually, could I get a pink frosted donut with sprinkles on top, a banana muffins, oh, and extra number" He instantly gave a sly grin upon seeing the confusion on your face and waits for you to say the line, and you do, you fall for it. "What's your number???" "Well aren't you bold" instantly your face turned as bright as the sun and you covered your face with your little notepad, so extremely embarrassed upon realizing what you just said. You soon hurry away. Sighing, Tim waits for his order patiently, watching as your co-workers lightly harassed you and took glances at him. Yet again he found himself staring out that window, coming back to reality when he notices you carefully place the donut down along with a drink that was definitely not black coffee but a sugary sweet heart attack inducing beverage with just about every sweet thing that could be placed upon it. He smiles up at you, clearly pleased with himself as you walked away. Only after you left did he notice the writing on the drinks receipt. There it was, your number along with the words "pretty slick for a guy with his tag sticking out" he couldn't help but laugh at that, boy does he hope you answer his texts later.

Brian- (takes place during MH) Brian was out really late at night strolling around, trying to watch out for Alex however, in his paranoid state of mind due to going too long without medication he had bumped into someone. Said individual and him had fallen and rolled down a small slope. Groaning he quickly sits up, backing away from the other individual as quick as possible. "Ow... Uh, are you ok?" Brian froze in his spot and stared at this stranger, this wasn't supposed to happen, he's literally in the middle of fucking nowhere, why the fuck is some weirdo walking around at this time of night here??? "Oi. Yo. Earth to stranger in a mask. You good?" His attention snaps back to reality and he simply stares at this person. Huh. That's strange. Why aren't you off put by him? Did you literally just wave your hand in front of his face?? "Fine. Don't speak, that's cool I guess. Geez dude, or dudette, whatever and whoever the fuck you are, you should be more careful. Look, your arms all scratched up now. Here, lemme help." What are you talking about? He's fine. You shouldn't be so nice to him. Why are you helping? You had pushed Brian backwards so his ass hit the ground and turned to grab a first aid kit from your bag. "You know, it'd be great to know the name of the jerk who basically tackled me." You sigh and scooch towards him, taking his wrist in your hand and inspecting the damage the fall created. Brian simply sat there in silence as stiff as a board, unused to human contact like this anymore. He'd been so detached from society these past couple years it's a wonder how he hasn't completely lost it, nevermind survive. "(y/n)" now this got his attention, he tilts his head slightly in question. "That's my name, I'm (y/n)." You both sit in awkward silence whilst you bandaged his wounds, and strangely, Brian wasn't as tense anymore, in fact, he was pretty comfortable. Why is that? "Brian...." You immediately look up at him in surprise, your eyes making contact with where his would be behind the mask. Oh. No. Stop that. Don't look at him like that. That isn't fair. He couldn't look away, your gaze was just so hypnotizing. Brian watched in embarrassed adoration as you smiled at him, a genuine, real, smile. "Well, Brian, care to walk with me?"

Jeff- Welp, this is awkward. You had actually met Jeff outside of a therapist office. Jeff was standing there, anxiously tapping his fingers against his crossed arms. It hates this. He just wanted the damn place to close so xe could get what he needed and get out. He's still under the radar considering people still remember that night. He had no choice but to get therapy. Luckily it had gotten in contact with one willing to try and help him, try and get him back to society, a life of normalcy and justify what happened that night, though unlikely to succeed considering the government stood against xem and play a role in what happened. That stories for a different time however, right then he was waiting. He was extremely jittery but was trying his best to stay as inconspicuous as possible, and then xe saw them. There you were, walking towards the therapist offices doors, you seemed tired. Not just the tired from a lack of sleep however, but tired of life. Jeff felt a pang of sympathy for you, which was not normal for xem. Normally it wouldn't feel a thing in regards to other individuals as he struggles with borderline personality disorder in which causes xem to commonly have little regard for anyone's well being. You apparently had caught him staring, snapping him from thought you two had a sort of stare down, Jeff grew more antsy as the eye contact continued, wishing he'd be called to come in for his appointment. As though reading his thoughts, it's therapist had stepped out the door and towards him. "ah! (Y/n), your appointment isn't until tomorrow, is everything alright?" (Y/n)..? This person's name?? You simply shrugged your shoulders weakly and stared down at the floor, something was clearly not right. You were acting strange and the therapist could tell. "(Y/n)...? What's wr-" suddenly you had collapsed, passed out cold, your skin paler than what it should be. That's when the therapist called for an ambulance, Jeff being Jeff, xe got closer to you. What happened? Jeffery carefully checked your vitals, searching for the cause of such a reaction. Then he realized what was wrong. He knew exactly what to do now that he recognized the issue. Jeffery quickly went to work, trying his hardest to force the medication out of your system. It was taking too long, he thought for certain that you wouldn't make it when finally you had rid of the pills that coated your stomach, shakily gasping for breath in between heaves. It simply rubbed your back in gentle circles, being sure you were ok. 

Liu- Liu has had a pretty uneventful day, he did a few peircings, and a small tattoo fix. He mainly organized his supplies, that is until he heard the door ring, alerting him to a potential client. He peaks around the corner, only seeing one of his co-workers talking to someone but unable to see the other person in front of them. "Alright, I'll tell her you're here for your appointment! Be riiight back". His co-worker turns around and so he himself simply ducks back into his room going back to what he was doing. That is of course until he here's screaming. He, being irritated by the racket goes to investigate of course, only to find another co-worker of his screaming at what seems to be the only client that had came. "Are you fucking kidding me?!!! Seriously?!!! YOU were the one who wanted the Medusa tattoo with the semicolon incorporated??!! I thought I'd get some client who actually struggled with that shit, look at you!! You look like a slut!! You were either asking for it or it didn't fucking happen! I mean, look in the mirror, who'd want to touch your fugly looking ass?!!!" Liu immediately froze and became pissed beyond belief, he could here Sully absolutely begging to take control and choke the bitch but no, Liu wanted to handle this. He silently came up behind his co-worker who was still screaming at the poor client who was about ready to either kill her or have a mental breakdown. Looming over her he grasped her shoulders roughly, "WHAT, did you just say...?" His voice was a deep and gutteral but so silent it could be a whisper, it holding a threat for her to start shit. Equal rights equal fights mother fucker. She froze up and looked up at him nervously, shaking in fear at the absolutely massive man behind her sho was covered in peircings and scars from head to toe. "I uh... I just was..." "Need I remind you that the victim is never to blame....?" She immediately shakes her head. Liu leans down close to her ear and growls, "Good. Now get the fuck out of my shop." Shoving her slightly towards the door she stumbles before immediately taking off as fast as possible. Liu turns to his now ex co-workers station, picking up the intricate stencil of the tattoo she was supposed to do. "This is gorgeous... You still want to get it done toda-" Liu had been turning back around when he finally got a good look at the client, you. You stood there seeming so... Soft-spoken, small, anxious, etc. You seemed so sweet and shy. This was quite a large thigh peice, he was surprised that you were getting it as you really didn't seem to have any other tattoos as far as he could see, and if you did they probably weren't this big and intricate. It would look gorgeous on you though, you already were gorgeous, it was almost silly to put art on someone so beautiful/handsome; in his mind, it's like putting a fake gem on a crystal chandelier. You look up at him and his breath catches in his throat. Your eyes are perfect. "Yes... I... I had planned this tattoo out for over a year. It took me forever to design..." This makes his jaw drop. "You DREW this..?!" "Yeah... I know it's not good or anything but it's special to me." "Nonsense! This is some of the best work I've seen! Tell you what, I'm the shop owner, would you please give me the honor of inking you?" This seems to make you laugh, gods your laugh is so nice. "It would be an honor, I'm (Y/N.)" He shakes your hand, practically engulfing yours with his massive fingers. "Liu.

"Sully- Sully had been doing pretty well these past few years at behaving well, so he, of course decided to hit the club scene for once. He's been good, he deserves it! Upon entering the club he's instantly hit with heavy metal music and bright colorful lights everywhere. People were hitting the dance floor, most of them drunk or high as hell. He wasn't looking to get hammered though, oh no, he was looking to simply have a few drinks, maybe smoke a little and relax. He takes a seat in a side booth that's somewhat secluded, not wanting to get bombarded by drunken dumbasses. It isn't long before someone comes over to ask what he'd like to drink, but it's who comes over that surprises him. It's the person Liu had tattooed the other day. Huh. Never took them for the club scene. "Fancy seeing you here, (y/n) right?" They look up at him and smile. "Oh! Well what a little coincidence! Good to see you." "Kinda." This confuses the darling (y/n). "Eeeh, think of it kinda like DID mixed with conjoined twins in a way, a one of a kind type o thing. A two in one package deal perhaps." He waits for you to question him and/or get freaked out but your reaction surprised him. "I see, well, does this mysterious individual have their own name and pronouns?" Holy shit. Ok. He's interested now. "Sully. And my pronouns are he/him but if you want to use others that doesn't bother me, just no it/it's. You?" "Oh! Thank you for asking I use (y/pronouns)!" Ok, he could work with this. "Well darlin, could I get a screwdriver?" "Ah! Right. Work. Drinks. Sorry about that. Yep, one screwdriver coming right up!" Sully chuckles to himself as he fondly watches you dash to behind the bar to make him his drink. 

Otis- Otis had been out on a nature trail sketching and taking photos in the middle of the afternoon, trying to study the leaves and the bark of the trees, trying to perfect the way the sun bounces off of her surroundings. They love to observe how perspective and light can change a peice completely. Currently he was crouched down sketching by a small stream. Everything was so peaceful and quiet, he felt relaxed. Unbeknownst to him you were on the other side of the stream observing her, so hyperfocused on his art they couldn't notice the change around him, mindlessly drawing, not even realizing they had just drawn the person before her. That is of course until he took a second to look at the almost finished work to do the finishing details. They froze up and glanced up at you. "Ah! I'm sorry to bother you. I just.. I saw you drawing and you were so relaxed I didn't want to interrupt..!" Wait a minute- oh gosh, ok, um, this is different, what's this weird fuzzy feeling in her chest? Why isn't she wanting to be cold towards you? Taking a closer look at you he noticed you were carrying a sketchbook of your own, and it was open on your lap, a mechanical pencil delicately tucked behind your ear and your clothes and hands were stained with different types of art mediums. We're you sketching just now? Otis decides to take a bit of a brave step, especially for them and stands up, walking over to your side of the stream and sat beside you. "It's alright... Thank you for allowing me to work.." He glances towards you, only to come extremely close, face to face. Your eyes... He wanted to draw them. "My name's (y/n). Erm... Sorry if this is a bit of an odd question but... Could I draw you?" You held up your sketchbook to him slightly to emphasize your desire, to which she was actually flattered. No one has ever offered to draw them, regardless of the individuals artistic talents. "Only if I get to see the results..?" "Deal!" And just like that, you had spent the next hour or two, maybe three actually, drawing Otis in all her beauty, he was just too pretty to resist capturing in art. You two exchanged words, telling one another bits of yourselves, you found their name was Otis and he was a professional artist and photographer, he found you were an aspiring artist however were much too shy in regards to your abilities to share your breathtaking work with the world.

Jack(EJ)- well now, this isn't nearly as wholesome as anyone would have hoped for, far from it unfortunately. Jack was going for his nightly rounds, trying his darndest to get some type of organs to eat. He was starving, so much in fact his more demonic, cryptic form was beginning to show through without him willing it. His more animalistic urges coming through, beginning to take control of him as he was just far too hungry. He hadn't been able to eat in over a month. He NEEDED food. And so he went to the closest, and fullest place he could find. The local college dorms. Growling lowly he proceeded to wreak havoc on the students in silence. Normally he'd only take one organ and take his time stitching them up properly however in his state if starvation he took as much as he could and half hazardly stitched them shut, not truly caring if they lived or not, simply feasting upon their organs to his demonic hearts content. As he ate he started to gain control back thankfully and began to take more care in his victims well-being, stitching them carefully shut and storing what he didn't eat for later just in case. Upon the twelfth dorm he was finally feeling more so his normal self thankfully, well, thankfully for him anyways. It was after storing his last victims kidney did he hear the sounds of sirens, and lots of them. Before his victim awoke he dashed into the room a few doors down which held a singular student it seamed. Said student immediately jolting awake upon their door being forced open so hard their locks broke and the hinges bent. Jack lunged forward, his bloody hand engulfing their face before they could scream and held up a finger to his mask, signaling for them to keep shut. He proceeded to smash the window with a rock and back up toward the closet, again signaling for them to be quiet, but this time he added the movement of his scalpel running acrossed his neck, telling them that if they tell anyone he was there he'd kill them before closing the closet door. It was quite snug in the closet, hell, it was a wonder he even fit to begin with, even with contorting his body uncomfortably. Listening carefully Jack could hear the screams of horrified students and staff, paramedics trying to keep his early victims stable and simply taking his later victims to the hospital to be certain they were patched properly and provided pain medication. After

a while he heard loud knocks on the dorms broken door followed by the pigs, oh, excuse me, police barging in, unsympathetic of the trembling student that resides in the room. They instantly began questioning them, though it seemed that the student couldn't talk. There was now another pair of footsteps, a teacher? "(Y/n)... tell the officers. Where did you see him go..?" Jack peered between the crack in the door, observing the student named (y/n) hesitate a bit before pointing towards the shattered window. Everyone was immediately evacuated from the school, a report of a serial killer being put out and the students were placed in the old abandoned dorms that were left behind after the school expanded and renovated. Jack somehow snuck by the officers later on and found his way to said dorms, slowly but surely finding the room he was looking for. There they were. The student who had lied for him. Silently he approached them, inspecting them closely, taking in every little detail. Jack extended a hand towards them, caressing their cheek with his index finger, being extremely careful of his razor sharp talons. Jack left the dorms, back to his home in the forest, though not before leaving a small not with a peice of obsidian atop it for the poor little human to wake up to. He could already tell they'd meet again.For more scenarios and characters pls simply comment or send me it privetly as an ask or message.

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