#(I forget that song exists a lot of the time lmao)

[camscendants]

Laughing at what the D3 soundtrack looks like on my spotify

[sweetblossomsss]

I’ll be back || CHOI SAN

Synopsis: You don’t understand what happened for him to suddenly disappear. You don’t understand why the police tells you there is no one by the name of Choi San— as if he never existed. You don’t understand why he came back to you, five years later.

WARNINGS: one shot, cursing, crying (lots), ANGST (my fav), fluff, happy ending, SMUT, rough sex, choking, pet name of baby to Y/N, drinking, drunkenness, throwing things, San was affiliated with a gang, Y/N owns a gun, oral (f receiving), mentions of San’s gruesome crimes, back and forth between Y/N and San (ish), Y/N take San back way too easily (lmao), throwing up (only once), I’m sure I’m missing some stuff just lmk. San's POV POSTED

Word Count: 12k Started: February 2024. Finished: Nov 29, 2024

Blossom’s Note: Hello my petals, hope all is good. Coming at you with a Choi San one shot. Title was inspired by 2pm’s I’ll be back (chefs kiss song). Story was inspired by both the song and the line in John Wick when the father told the son that in order for him to get out, he had to do the impossible. Please keep in mind that this is no where near the same as the movie nor will any killings be mentioned. Now grab some popcorn and a drink and enjoy!

PAST

Silence takes over the room while the distant, muffled voices of your neighbors outside your apartment speak amongst themselves in the hallway, radiating some noise in the room. Dogs in different apartments barked at them, alerting everyone in the complex that people are walking by. Soon the faint sounds of keys jiggling can be heard as they stepped into their respective home and then—complete silence.

The room was dimly lit by your lamp with a fading bulb on its last life—that you always forget to change. You laid on your stomach, resting your head on your arms that was propped on top of your cushioned pillow as you slowly kicked your legs up and down, staring into his eyes as if you were locked in a trance by his gaze.

His fingers traced caressing patterns on your back, making you bit your lower lip gently as you felt the goosebumps form on your skin. He was lying on his side, his hand propped up to hold his head as he other hand roamed your back lovingly.

He gives you a small smirk, nodding his head to signal you to get on top of him. “Come here.” He said in a low voice as he laid on his back, placing an arm behind his head to get a good view of you on top. His favorite view.

You felt giddy inside, smiling as you got up. You quickly threw a leg over, straddling him. He wasted no time in gliding his free hand from your thigh to your ass giving it a slight squeeze. You placed your hands on his chest for support to which he slide the same hand up your arm and cups the side of your face.

You two stare into each other, all mesmerized as he caressed your cheek with his thumb causing you to lean into his touch. You closed your eyes, feeling the comforting warmth of his hand radiating on your cheek.

“You’re so beautiful.” He said in a sweet voice. You opened your eyes to catch him already looking into your eyes. “I could stay in this moment forever,” he said watching you slightly turn to the side as you kissed his palm. His hand moves to the back of your neck, pulling you toward him as you ghost your lips over his, “Just you and me.”

Oh, the way your stomach flips at his words especially when he talks in a low tone. He removes the hand behind his head, placing both of them under your shirt wanting to feel your skin, scrunching up your oversized shirt a little bit from his caressing movements.

You hummed in agreement, “Just you and me.” You repeated, pecking his lips once, “Forever.” You said before leaning back down to capture his lips. You feel his strong arms wrap around your waist, wanting to feel you closer—if that was even possible.

You moan slightly into his mouth, feeling the kiss starting to pick up. He cups your ass, giving it a nice squeeze as you raised your hand up to his hair tugging slightly making him moan in delight. Just as this moment was starting to heat up and get spicy—“Let’s runaway.” He breaks the kiss.

You looked at him, he was panting slightly trying to catch his breath as his eyes gleamed a bit. You panted as you sat up, tilting your head to the side, “What?” You asked with a playful smile on your lips as you furrowed your eyebrows.

Did he really leave you hot and bothered to say some stupid shit? Leave it to San to cockblock the fuck out of the both of you with his random thoughts.

He sits up, adjusting himself underneath you as he wraps his arms around your waist again as your hands make home in his hair as you caressed it. “You heard me,” he said, “let’s runaway. Just you and me, mm? What do you think?” He said ask he peppered kissed on your neck.

You chuckled at his words, tilting your head more as he kept leaving kisses on your neck down to your collarbone, “what I think is that you’re dumb. Did you really stop us for that?” You laughed, reaching to cup his face as you looked down at him. He nodded, “I’m being serious!” He pouted at you.

You sighed. “Okay. Say we were to,” you say playing along with his idea,“where would we go?” You asked him, leaning down to kiss away his pout.

He looks back and forth between your eyes, smirking as he flips you onto your back causing you yelp in surprise. “Anywhere you want to go,” he grabs your legs, wanting to feel them wrapped around him, “Whatever you want,” He says leaning down to kiss you on your lips. “I’ll do it for you.” His kisses trail down to your jaw. “Anything you want.” Down your neck as he caressed your leg.

You licked your lips and slightly moan at the sensation. “Mmm, anything?” You asked him raising an eyebrow as you tilt your head to look at him. “Anything, baby.” He looked up from the crook of your neck.

You shook your head, “You’re so silly. You know we can’t do that.” You smiled at him but then turned serious, “Plus can you even afford me? I’m quite expensive.” You lifted your hand up, examining your nails acting all snobby like turning your head to the side.

He pauses for a second, sitting up. He scoffs, “Excuse me?” Hand on his chest feigning to be offended.

You looked at him and eyed him up and down, playfully judging him and shrugged, “I have expensive taste and demands that need to met.” You said crossing your arms.

“Hit me with whatever you want. I can afford it.” He extends his arms out to the side as if saying do-you-know-who-the-fuck-I-am.

You scoffed, eyeing him up and down, “I don’t want to work.”

“Done.”

“I want to be a housewife.”

“Done.”

“I want different color Lamborghinis to match my moods for the day.”

“Done.”

“I want a private chef. I want to be carried everywhere.”

“Done and done.”

You two stayed silent, looking at each other with a serious look before bursting into laughter. The laughter you two created sounded like the most beautiful music to your ears. You loved having these silly moments with him.

While the laughter subsided, San places his hands on each side of your head, leaning forward. ”Y/N,” He says, your hands slide up and down his muscular arms. “Let’s just do it, huh? We can go and get married,” He places a kiss on your lips, tucking some of your hair behind your ear, “we can have six kids-“

“Six?! The fuc-“ you cut him off with widen eyes, raising both of your eyebrows.

“They will have your sparkling eyes, your beautiful smile,” he cuts you off, ignoring you which caused you to roll your eyes, “they can have my nose, maybe my eyebrows or ears. We can raise them the best we can, we can put them sports, watch them get married, travel when they all leave the house, be the best grandparents ever-“ he cuts himself off as he clears his throat, feeling a bit saddened, but you’re too distracted by his story to catch onto it. “We can grow old together and be buried next to each other. With that, we stay together forever.”

You cup his cheek, “Seems like you got this all figured out, huh?” You smiled at him. “How did a girl like me get so lucky?”

“Oh, baby,” he said in a matter of factly tone, “With me you won’t have to think or worry about anything.” He smirked at you, grabbing your hand and placing a kiss on it.

There was a moment of silence as you two looked into each other’s eyes all in love. But then San got off of you which made you confused as you furrowed your eyebrows. “San? What are you doing?” You asked him, confused by his actions as his back faces you.

You sit up and sat in the middle of the bed, about to reach out of him but took your hand back abruptly when you saw San turning around and giving you a serious look. He suddenly gets down on one knee. “Y/N,” he said in a serious tone, causing you to cover your face as you fell back laughing, “San, what are you doing?” You asked him as you sat back up with a huge shock smile on your face.

“Y/N,” he repeats again. He inhales and exhales, closing his eyes before looking back into your eyes. “Baby the second my eyes laid on you, my heart knew that you were the one I wanted to spend forever with. I want to wake up and have your eyes be the first thing and the last thing I see. There aren’t enough words to describe the love I have for you.”

You feel yourself getting teary eyed as you scoff out a smile, not believing that he is doing this. “I know, I don’t have a ring right now, but trust me when I say that when I do get it, it will have the biggest gem that represents the immense love I have for you.” He said watching you sniff up your tears. “Will you marry me? Because I don’t want to do life without you.”

You gasped at his words, crying for a few moments before sniffing up your runny nose as you used the back of your hand to wipe your falling tears, “San,” your voice cracks out, as you placed a hand on your chest. “Yes!” You breathed out a smile, “Yes, I will marry you.”

He finally exhales a breath he didn’t even know he was holding. “Yes?” He asks you as he broke out into the biggest smile ever and you nodded quickly, “Yes, San, yes.” You repeated as he helped you stand up.

He picked up, you instantly wrapped your legs around his waist as he spins you both around in his arms. You leaned your forehead against his, “You scared me,” he said, “What took you so long in answering!”

You kissed his pout, “I’m sorry,” you laughed, “I had to make sure. You know I’m expensive.” You joked.

He gives you a deadpan look, “Really?” He said in a monotone voice causing you to burst out into laughter as you leaned your forehead against his again, cupping his face, “No, my idiot. I just couldn’t believe this was happening. I’m going to marry my soulmate. I’ve never been more sure in my life.”

“You’re the one for me,” he said looking into your eyes. If you weren’t so high from the moment, you could’ve sworn there was sadness in his eyes. “I just- I don’t want to wait anymore.” He cleared his throat, “You’re the one for me, Y/N.” He buried his face in the crook of your neck as he repeated himself.

After a minute, he clears his throat, “Now,” he says as he tosses you on the bed causing you to yell in shock as you sit up and give him a glare. He takes off his shirt and throws it somewhere behind him as he spreads your legs, ignoring the pissed off look you have with a smirk on his face, “Should we start with baby number one? Or will we get lucky and have triplets first round?”

“San-“ he cuts you with the smirk still etched on his face as he kissed you. He knew damn well you were gonna bring up the topic of six kids, but that’s for another time. Right now, he wants to cherish this moment with you. Just one last time.

You hated how easily he captivated you and how easy he had you under his finger. Without trying to break contact with you, his hand struggles to turn off the light as he taps everything but the switch. He groans in frustration as he sits up and slams the stupid button off causing you to laugh at his impatience. Finally, the light was off.

As he leans back down kissing you, he is mentally tattooing everything about you throughout the night—your lips, your melodic sounds, your breathing, your heartbeat, your gentle and rough touches, your curves— Just everything before it was time.

—

It was late at night as San stood near the bed, watching you sleep. He was dressed in all black, prepared to leave but not before he says goodbye to you. The sheer curtains let the moonlight seep in, casting on your face. The light snores you made were music to his ears. It cause him to gently chuckle bittersweetly as tears blurred his vision.

He remembered all the times you argued with him saying that he was liar, telling him that you don’t snore. It hurt knowing this would be last time hearing them— last time seeing you.

He slowly and gently takes steps to you, leaning down as he removes a few strand of hair from your face. “I’m so sorry, Y/N,” he whispers to you, “I have to go.” He kisses your forehead gently, “I love you so, so much.”

He stiffed up a bit when he saw you stirring in your sleep but exhaled in relief when you stopped and went back to your light snores. He glanced at the clock on your night stand and read 3:00AM. It’s about that time. He looks down as he felt his tears coming in, “Please forgive me.” He pleads quietly, sniffing as he looks at you. “I’ll be back.”

One last kiss on the forehead and he slowly gets up and walks to the door. And just like a switch, he walked down the hall, sniffing up those tears as he moved his head side to side, cracking his neck as a more serious, deadly look appeared on his face as he disappeared from the apartment and into the night.

—

Ugh, you really have to change those sheer curtains that blocks absolutely nothing because right now the morning sun was shinning right in your eyes, stirring you awake. You leaned on your back, one arm covering your eyes while the other reached out to touch San but was met with a cold, empty side.

Eyes still covered, you moved your hand around to try and find his body but let’s be real, this was no California King size bed. Either he fell off the bed or simply, he isn’t here. You removed your arm from your eyes and turned to the side and confirmed that he wasn’t there.

You furrowed your eyebrows as you slowly sat up, bringing the blanket to cover your bare chest. “San?” You called out to him. Maybe he’s in the living room. You waited for a response but nothing.

You sighed as you removed the blanket off your body, shivering slightly from cool air as goosebumps formed on your skin. Maybe he didn’t hear me. You grabbed your shirt from off the floor, putting it on as you walked to the living room. “Sannie?” But you were met with an empty living room—an empty apartment.

You removed your tucked hair from your shirt as you pursed your lips, crossing your arms, “This man is going to be the death of me.” You didn’t think much of it—well, kind of— San does this all the time. Whether it was for work or hanging out with friends— whatever it may be, it was normal for him to do. Yes, you have gotten into multiple arguments over it. Yes, he says he will try. But there are times that he forgets to tell you—like today.

You walked back into the room grabbing your phone, unplugging it from the charger as you tapped on the screen but no notifications. “Really?” You sucked the back of your front teeth, feeling annoyed as you shook your head. You unlocked your phone and dialed his number, running a hand through your hair as you hear the dialing tone.

“The number you have dialed-“ you sighed in annoyance as you hung up the call, opening your messages. ‘Thanks for letting me know that you were leaving :)’ and a ‘call me when you can. Love you asshole.” You sent to him, but it came back as message failed. Great, now his phone died.

You threw your phone on bed, “Whatever.” You say as you walked out the room and headed to the bathroom as you started to get ready for the day. Another great thing about San is that he is not the most dependable with his phone. His phone is either dead or lost between the sofa cushions. He truly can’t pick a struggle.

But you know what, at the end of the day you love him and all his aggravating faults, no matter how many times you want to strangle him. That’s your fiancé. Indeed it is. And it has you smiling like an idiot as you brushed your teeth, looking at your reflection. You guess you’ll keep him.

—

As the day went on, it was still radio silent on San’s part. You kept checking, calling, texting but it was to no avail. San may be dumb when it comes to how he handles his phone and where he’s going and whatnot but he never fails to call you and let you know where he’s at or how he’s doing—even if that means calling from a strangers phone. Yes, you were confused that one time a random ass number kept calling you.

You couldn’t help but get this feeling that something is wrong, so here you are pulling up to his job and checking to see if he’s there. You parked and inhaled and exhaled, keeping the nerves at bay as you grabbed your things and headed out of your car.

‘The Tire Shop’ came into view as you made your way to the door. Maybe he’s busy and you’ll forgive him for now and yell at him later. As soon as you opened the door, you winced a bit at the car drill radiating throughout the shop as you looked at the men working on cars.

You watched as a man passed by you, rolling at tire to a car he’s fixing on, having the smell of oil and sweat fill up your nostrils. You gripped your purse strap as you looked around to spot if San was talking with someone or working on a car but nothing.

You were too caught up scanning for San that you didn’t even notice an older gentleman approaching you. “Ma’am?” He calls to your attention as he wipes his hands on a dirty rag, removing excess grease. “Anything I can help you with?”

“Oh, sorry,” you chucked nervously, stepping a bit closer to him. “Yes. I’m looking for someone. Is San working today? Did he come in?” You asked.

He tilted his head to the side, giving you his ear as he gets a bit closer to you as the drill goes off again, “I’m sorry. Who?” He yelled through the sound, eyebrows furrowed.

“San. Choi San.” You repeated a bit louder, leaning in slightly to his ear. “H-Have you seen him?” You stuttered a bit, feeling nervous.

“Choi San?” He repeated with confusion in his tone, tilting his head in confusion. “I’m sorry but nobody of that name works here.” He said shaking his head, tucking in the dirty rang in his back pocket.

You froze, feeling your blood go cold. You let out a nervous laugh, “That’s impossible,” you said reaching into your purse and showing your lock screen. “He’s been working here for five years.” The man squints his eyes, adjusting his poor vision to see the photo of San. “Are you sure?” You asked him in disbelief.

He nods his head. “I’m sure, ma’am.” But seeing the desperation in your face, he sighs turning around to yell out to one of his coworker. The coworker stops and gives him a stank face of what-do-you-want? The man asks him if he’s heard of a Choi San working here but the coworker just shook his head, getting back to work.

“Well, there you have it. Is there anything else I can help you with today?” The gentleman asked you as your heart dropped.

—

You slammed that door open as you rushed out, fumbling with your car keys in hand as you made your way to the car. You slammed your car door shut as you gripped onto the steering wheel, “What the fuck is going on?” You asked yourself, with a shaky breath, hearing a high pitch ringing in your ears.

You looked at your purse that was still clinging onto your arm. You quickly opened it, rummaging through it as you searched for your phone, messing up password multiple times as you rushed to unlock it making you groan in frustration.

“Come on come on.” You whispered to yourself as you dialed his number waiting for him to pick up but it went straight to voicemail. “Fuck!” You screamed out as you threw your phone on the dashboard.

You leaned your face into your hands, feeling anger and confusion swimming in your mind. Are you going insane? What the fuck does this man mean that he’s never heard of a Choi San? You start to get flashbacks of when you dropped him off, him literally coming out of the shop, having lunch with him right outside on the benches— Just what in the fuck is going on?

Fuck this. You backed out and drove to the police station. You knew San like that back of your hand. From small details such as calling or texting, even if he doesn’t do it in the moment, he NEVER forgets. And now you’re being told that he has never worked there? For the past five years? Bullshit. Something bad is happening and you sure as hell aren’t going to waste anymore time.

—

You were spaced out thinking about the whereabouts of San as you sat in-front of a desk, waiting for an officer. You gnawed on your lower lip, bouncing your leg rapidly from the nerves. “Miss Y/N?” Your head snapped to the side to see a female officer approaching you with a comforting smile and water.

You stood up and shook her hand. “It’s nice to meet you. I’m Officer Lee.” She gestures to the seat you were in, “Please, sit.” She places the cup in front of you, mumbling a thank you to her as you took a sip of water.

“Thank you so much for meeting with me.” You tell her as you adjust yourself in the seat. “I just didn’t know what else to do and I just- I don’t-“ you felt overwhelmed, losing your words.

She reaches over the table and places a comforting hand on yours. “It’s okay. You did the right thing by coming here.” She smiles once more, removing her hand to grab a pen and opening her notepad. “Why don’t we break down your day today. From when you woke up to now.”

You nodded as you inhaled and exhale. You quickly got to work. You told her how you woke up and he wasn’t home, how he’s basically irresponsible with his phone, how his job all of a sudden tells you that he doesn’t work there. You also mentioned every single detail of San. From his hair to physique, his full name, date of birth, no family, all of his habits, photos of him—you didn’t even forget to mention how just last night he proposed to you.

Throughout this Officer Lee was jotting down everything you told her, asking some questions to expand on certain things. “And that’s everything I know.” You sighed in exhaustion, sniffing as you wiped some tears with tissue paper.

“It was perfect. You gave us all information possible to make this a clear and proper search.” She nodded as you as she closes her notepad and placing her pen down. “I know this is tough for you, but I can assure you that we will do our best to figure out what happened.”

You faced down with your eyes closed. “What if I’m being dramatic? But at the same time what if something happened to him? I just don’t know-“

“Listen to me,” She cuts you off. “You know San better than anyone. If you feel that something is off then something must be off, okay? Plus, one doesn’t suddenly not work at a place he’s been at for five years.” You sniffed and nodded at her.

She stands up, which causes you to also stand up, adjusting your purse on your shoulder. “In the meantime, go home and continue with your regular routine. I know it’s easier said than done, but please try. We will handle the rest and keep you updated.”

You nodded and shook her hand once more. “Thank you so much Officer Lee.” You tell her. “I very much appreciate it.” And with that you made your way out the station, pushing the door as you stepped out into the breezy night. You entered your car and leaned your head back, feeling a sob coming out once more. Where did you go, San?

—

Days turned into weeks. Weeks turned into months since you last saw San. Every single day you call the police to get an update but it was the same fucking vague answers. It’s as if they rehearsed the same lines over and over just for you. You felt as if you were past the point of insanity.

All you just want to know is if San was alive or not. You just want to know if there was a single trace of him anywhere in this damn world— just something. All you just wanted a peace of mind.

Here you go again, on the phone with Officer Lee, who quite literally has the patience of an angel with the way you be calling everyday—some days with more attitude than usual. “Miss Y/N, as I have said before,” she sighed, “I don’t have anything. I will call you when-“

“When you have an update.” You finished the sentence with her. Today, you just so happen to have that attitude. “I know. I just-“ you cut yourself off as you sighed and rubbed your forehead, walking back and forth in your living room.

“I just want to know if you found anything. Even is that anything is so small, I don’t care. Just anything please.” You begged her. “Like why would he lie to me for the past five years about his job? Why would he propose to me and envision this life with me only for him to leave?” You asked her on the verge of tears, exhaling a shaky breath.

These are all the same questions you’ve been asking her for months. You sound like a broken record at this point, but what can you do? You never thought this would happen to you. Deep down you know the only one who can truly answer this was Choi San.

Officer Lee rubs her forehead, staying silent as she listens to you. She too feels heartbroken for you. “I’m sorry.” You whimpered out, sniffing. “I’m just desperate. I feel like I’m going insane. It’s been months and there’s no update. I don’t know what to do with my life anymore.” You vented to her, feeling your heart slowly break apart.

There was a long, long pause on the phone as you cried. Just as soon as you were going to ask if she was still there— she spoke. “Y/N, listen to me and listen closely because this will be the only time I will be mentioning this.” Officer Lee looks at her surroundings and figures there’s too many people so she heads to a vacant stairway.

You froze at her words. Her tone sounded completely different. “I’m not allowed to speak about this, but I can’t keep letting you live like this.” You froze at her words, “There is no record of Choi San.”

You opened your mouth but no words came out feeling completely confused as you shook your head in confusion. “A few months back, I was able to find something on him. Just a small trace of his location. He was seen walking around town, nothing too suspicious. But,” she pauses. You feel your heartbeat in your throat, “the following day when I went to check the video surveillance once more, it was gone. Wiped off. When I went to search him up, it said that there was no record of Choi San.“ She said. “It’s as if he never existed.”

Your heart dropped, you felt the room spinning. “Wh-What?” You managed to let out, “As if he ever existed?” You repeated her words in disbelief. “What? Why would anyone do that? Why would that even happen?”

Officer Lee looks up the stairs to check if anyone was coming and below before leaning her back on the wall. “Can I tell you something?” She whispered into the phone. She can sense the overwhelming feeling of hurt and confusion.

You closed your eyes, feeling tears falling down your face. You bit your lips, nodding even though she couldn’t see you. “Yes?” You answered quietly, feeling your fear taking over.

“As someone who has been working in this industry for a long time, it can only mean one thing,” she says, “this man was involved in something very dangerous.” You felt your knees give up as you held onto the sofa. “Whoever this Choi San is, he disappeared for a reason.”

“Who is he? What has been done?” You asked frantically, feeling the hairs stand behind your neck. Who did I lie in bed with?

She shook her head. “I don’t know.” She sounded defeated. Truthfully, she did not know. She knew that this was not the first time someone has just up and disappeared off the Earth. She knows that there are some evil deals made behind closed doors with the police department.

“Why would he do to me then? What am I supposed to do?” You asked her choking out a sob as you angrily wiped that tears off your face.

“If I were you, I would leave.” She said serious. You were taken aback. “Y/N, you don’t know this man. He is not the man you thought you knew. Trust me. Please. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened.”

You felt numb at this point. What else can come in and ruin your life at this point? “I will call you if I have find something. Until then, please take care of yourself.” And with that you heard the hang up tone, leaving you alone once again.

You stood there in silence, dropping your arm down along with the phone. The sound of the phone hitting the floor rang in your ears. San? Dangerous? No. It can’t be. All of these thoughts rapidly came at you at once, making it seem like a million of voices are in your head.

Soon everything just went blank and something within you snapped. You went to the fireplace and hand swipe everything off the counter, screaming in anger. You cried in misery as you grabbed a picture frame and chucked it to the wall, watching the glass shatter at the impact.

You swiped everything off your dining table, flipping the table in frustration. His absence only worsen the betrayal you felt within your fucking bones. You stood in the middle of the living room starting to laugh. Laughing hysterically as tears dwelled in your eyes.

Everything you knew for the past five years was a lie. A waste of time. Your laughter subsided to agony as you fell to your knees, unable to control this painful heartache. You sobbed uncontrollably as you clutched onto your chest wanting to take this unbearable pain out of your heart.

Fucking San? A dangerous man? The same idiot who was afraid of flipping food over because he was afraid of the hot oil? The same idiot who would drink water from his hands because he was lazy to get a cup? The same idiot who wanted to raise a family with you? No. This can’t be happening.

You leaned forward, placing your hands on the floor as you leaned on them for support as your body shook from your cries. It hits you in that moment if he knew what he was asking when he asked you to runaway. All that you envisioned is gone, just like him.

—

It’s later in the night, and you’re in your kitchen drunkenly stumbling on your tippy toes as you kept your balance to reach into the top cabinet for yet another wine bottle. You finally reached it, popping open the bottle and pouring more in your glass. You take a sip as you close your eyes, feeling this temporary relief soak up in you.

You grabbed the bottle and turned to face the living room, eying the mess you created earlier. You’ll deal with it later, you thought to yourself as you took another sip, walking through the mess as you headed straight to your room.

You sat on your floor staring into the open closet with swollen, bloodshot eyes. You took a sip feeling your eyelids getting heavy from the crying and the alcohol. You placed the cup down, grabbing the bottle and poured some more wine without taking your sight off his side the closet.

Judging from how you heard the cup filling up to the brim, you stopped and placed the bottle down. You sighed as you licked your lips. Well, might as well start moving his shit out. You drunkenly got on your knees and crawled to the closet and sat on your knees.

You reached up and yanked off one of his shirts from the hanger, watch it swing from the harsh pull. You brought the material up to your nose, inhaling it. Though your nose maybe be stuffy from the crying, his scent was so strong. You bring it up to your cheek, wishing it was his touch— his warmth.

You opened your eyes to a blurred vision. No, no tears right now. You turned around and reached to grab your drink and took a few sips before placing it back down. You slowly stood up, feeling the liquor rushing down your legs as it controls your movements. Let’s start with something different.

You reached out to the top of the closet shelve, getting on your tippy toes and grabbed a stack full of boxes and miscellaneous things. But with your wobbly drunken self, and horrible grip, you ended up dropping it on the floor, causing you to yelp out as you moved back.

You opened your eyes and looked down to see that you spilled your drink and broken the glass, “Oh, great.” You pursed your lips, “Glad to see that I’m not the only one broken.” You say, making a half-assed joke. You sighed as you got on your knees and collected some of the big pieces. Thankfully your floor is carpet, all you have to do is wet-vac it.

You started to dry off some of his things but was stopped when you saw a black briefcase with a gold lock embedded on it. “What is this?” You furrowed your eyebrows as you grabbed it and used your hands to take off some of the wine droplets.

You sat comfortable and brought it the case closer for you to examine the lock. It was a four digit code. You grabbed your wine bottle, taking a big swig of it before you went to work on this lock. You bit your lower lip in concentration as you tried multiple combinations.

Shit, you even did the good ole 1, 2, 3, 4. Now listen, in your defense, while on one hand you can kill San, or whoever that man is right now, you always laughed at him for having the most basic password ever—to which he would get offended each time. So you couldn’t help but try it out at least one time.

But, man, you were stumped. Plus it doesn’t help that you were drunk so give yourself some slack. You take a sip and groaned out loud, “What could it even be..” you thought out. You then gasp as you quickly grabbed the case and placed in those four digits. Your birthday. And with that, it clicks open.

You scoffed out a smile, “Really?” Of course he would. “Stop it.” You scolded yourself, shaking your head at yourself. You exhaled, trying to calm the nerves. You slowly opened it, eyes widening at the sight of documents. But these weren’t just regular documents— these were gang afflicted documents.

Your drunken eyes roaming all over, you grabbed the papers out and stacked them, pushing the briefcase to the side. You then start to spread out the documents in front of you, eyes widening as they captured specific words.

You get on your knees as you further spread them out. You then fall back on your knees and parted your mouth in shock at the view in front of you. These documents were filled with gruesome attacks of people, some described chilling events that took place, plans of ambushes, details reports of deaths— you felt sick. What you take notice is that whoever wrote all of this, must’ve been so numb to the brutal killings that were executed.

You then notice a familiar signature at the bottom of the paper. “Oh my god..” you cover your mouth in shock. It was his signature. He did this. You dropped the paper and picked up the previous papers to only confirm what you had in mind. All of them had his signature. He did all of this.

You then turn to the side and saw orange envelope that was filled with what you could imagine more information. You grabbed it and opened it, but dropped it as you turned to the side feeling as if you were going to throw up. You coughed as you felt your throat closing up as you leaned on your hands for support as you hunched over.

“Oh, what the fuck!” You coughed out. Never in your life did you expect to see most nastiest, gruesome photos of bodies. You laid in bed with a freaking monster. You ran a hand through your hair as you looked back the photos you dropped.

You panted heavy as you picked a photo with San standing in the center as men surrounded him all shirtless. You looked closely and saw a snake tattoo that started on their ribs and to their chest. You then had a memory come in when you asked San about his tattoo but he shook his head saying it was nothing, how he thought it was cool when he was younger.

The look casted on San’s face was a rough looking demeanor that contradicts the San you knew—but then again everything did. You dropped your hand with the photograph still in your grasp as you spaced out for a second trying to process everything.

Officer Lee was right. You just didn’t want to believe it. You looked down as took in the gruesome that were spread out. You saw all the violence San created—all the blood, guts, chopped off body parts, one with San smiling over a body. You couldn’t contain it anymore and struggled your way to the bathroom, having the walls be your support as you made it to the bathroom and threw up in the toilet.

You can’t believe what your life has become.

—

PRESENT TIME, 5 YEARS LATER

"Alright, my little munchkins," Your voice full of warmness, "It's almost time to go home, let's start cleaning up!" You say to your first grade students as they in unison yelled out "Okay!" You heard the little chairs squeak against the floor as they got up preparing to leave.

They chatted amongst themselves as they worked together. You moved through the room, helping and guiding them when they had questions on where certain things go. As years have passed, you slowly rebuilt your life. You took joy in being a Pre-K teacher. The laughter and smiles from the kids help shed some light in the darkness that was roaming around you.

The kids eagerly grabbed their backpacks and jacket, helping some as you made some jokes with them causing them to giggle. They were filled with excitement knowing it was time to go home as they bounced in a file line by the door. You opened the doors seeing parents waiting outside.

One by one you watched as they left, the crowd of students getting smaller and smaller. You sighed as you closed your classroom door, stretching your neck. You organized the classroom some more, pushing in chairs, sweeping the floor, collecting left over materials and putting them in their respective place.

Finally, time to go home and shower the day off. You grabbed your purse, turned off the light and headed out the room. You lock your class room door and sighed as you take your hair out of the tight ponytail, running a hand through it.

For some reason you felt someone looking at you which made you look across the street to see a man all dressed in black standing still as he looked at you. You slowly subsided your steps, looking at this figure but with the sun and tall silver fence that wrapped around the school, it was hard to adjust on the face.

You watched as they slowly walked away, your gaze never leaving them until they are fully gone from your view. Well, that was fucking weird, you thought to yourself as you picked up the pace to your car, looking behind you every few seconds.

—

For five years you have done all that you could to forget Choi San and started anew. You blocked out everything you two shared. The memories, the empty promises, the relationship you two had—everything. You packed up your shit, got rid of everything that was San’s, and moved states. You changed your number, email, deleted any form of social media and accounts— you name it and it was gone.

To say you weren’t terrified would be a bold ass lie. You were petrified of the things San has done. Most importantly, what he could do to you. You were scared of him finding you. When you feel yourself slipping up, yearning for his love or him, you remind yourself of the deadly things this man did. He has no right to stay in your heart.

But we digressed. You slide the shower curtain open causing the steam to swirl around from your sudden movement. You bring your hair to the side, wringing out the excess water, and then slowly stepped of the tub carefully to not lose your balance. You dragged the towel off the rack and pat your self dry before wrapping it around you.

Tucking the excess at the top to make sure the towel doesn’t fall, you walked to your mirror and hand wiped the fog off. You started off with your nightly routine, wanting to just go to bed from all the exhaustion you had today. But just then as you spat out your toothpaste, you heard a faint creaking of wood in your living room.

You looked at the door and froze, feeling your heart quicken a bit at the sound. Maybe it was the upstairs neighbors. You shook your head as you opened the faucet and wiped the corners of your mouth. Maybe I just made the sound up.

But then the creaking noise comes back. You turned off the faucet, gently placing your ear and hands against the door, waiting for it once more. It’s silent—but you aren’t taking any chances.

You slowly pushed yourself off the door and crouched down to your sink cabinet. You quietly opened it and reached in and grabbed the gun that was attached to the roof of the cabinet. When you moved, you decided to arm yourself as a form of protection.

You stood up and cocked the gun back. Your free hand wrapped around the door knob, inhaling and exhaling before slowly opening it. The creaking of the door opening added to the eeriness of the silence. Goosebumps formed on your skin as a gush of cool air from the hallway hits your skin.

You raised the gun up while your other hand supported it from underneath as you walked down the hall. The mist leaving the bathroom was conforming with the fresh air, disappearing behind you as you made your way down the hallway. Your steps thudded as you got closer, faint sounds of water droplets from your hair coming in contact with the floor.

You quickly turned the corner, scanning the living room as the gun followed your eye movements. Your breathing filled up your ears as your eyes moved quickly to every shadow or movement you suspected was something, which only added to your adrenaline.

Then finally, the creaking noise made your ears twitch and this time it was clear where it was coming from. You pointed the gun to the kitchen, tightening the grip. “Show yourself.” You commanded, voice full of anger.

Soon a man slowly emerges from the dark shadows with his hands up. Your eyes widened for a second but you kept your composure, “Who are you?” A slight shaky tone gave away the fear coursing in your body. All you saw was his body as the darkness covered his face.

Slowly he dropped his hands, standing still. “Answer me.” You demanded, heart beating up to your ears.

And with that he takes a step forward and with one look at the face, everything comes crumbling down. “S-San?” You gasped in disbelief, eyes widening at the sight of him, mouth parting.

“Y/N,” he said in a low voice. Oh my god. “It’s me.” It’s really him. The voice you longed to hear after five years. The person you missed desperately. The person who was your forever. He held his gaze with yours as he walked to you.

You felt your arms slowly dropping as you stood in shock. You couldn’t believe he’s here face to face. You want to hold him—wait— “Don’t fucking move.” You tell him as you quickly regained your composure. He freezes at your words. He is not the person you thought you knew.

“Y/N,” his voice broke, eyes full of sorrow. “Please. I know I fucked up.” He tries taking a step forward. Fucked up is an understatement.

“Don’t fucking move!” You yell at him, taking a step forward, gun pointed at him causing him to take a step back. “I’ll shoot you.” You tell him.

His eyes widen at your words. “Y/N,” he whispers as tears start dwelling in his eyes. “I know you’re upset, but please let me explain-“

“Upset?” You cut him off with a humorless laugh. “You fucking asshole. You ruined me! You hurt me in ways I didn’t even know was possible.” You spat at him. “You left me. No— You disappeared. Come to find out you’re nothing but a sick piece of inhumane shit murderer.”

“Let me explain, Y/N. It’s not what you think.” He tells you as he takes a step forward to you. His heart drops at the way you look at him. He knows the damage he has done. He knows that it might be late to salvage whatever is left but he would be damn if he gives up to easily.

The two of you moved around in circles in your living room. Him wanting to hold you, to feel your warmth and to explain everything but you wanting nothing to do with him as you moved away from him. His voice broke as he spoke, “Baby, please-“

“Don’t!” You cut him off, feeling the hot tears falling down your cheeks. “Don’t call me that. You don’t get to show up five years later and try to make up for all the bullshit you put me through.” You tell him as you two finally stopped moving.

You watched as he cried, looking in pain. “Leave. Never come back. You’re five years too late, asshole. I want nothing from you.” You tell him angrily. There was a pause of works between you two, all you could hear was the cries. Your vision blurred by your tears as you stared into his regretful eyes.

San couldn’t contain it anymore. He walks up to you, making you gasp in shock as you walked backwards, bumping into the wall arms still extended out. You felt a slight push from the gun when its cold metal was pressed on his chest. “I have killed men.” He starts to explain what you saw in the photos. “Those men you saw in the photos have done most vile, disgusting things to people. Things that would keep you up at night.” He whispers at the end.

He clears his throat, “Let me explain,” he pleads. “Let me explain and then I’ll leave. I’ll do whatever you ask of me but please, Y/N…”

You fucking trembled as you let out a sob. He sighs in relief as he raised his hands, enclosing them on yours as he gently removed the gun from your hands. You don’t even fight it, you just hug yourself. He removes the ammo and cocks back the gun watching the bullet jump out, dropping the gun to the floor.

The thud made you jump back, wishing the wall would engulf you and would disappear. Slowly he raised his hands to your shoulders, causing you to look away in fright. You swallowed your nerves as you stiffened a bit, feeling his hands rising up to cup your face, making you turn to face him.

He leans his forehead on yours, sliding his hands from your face down your arms, grabbing your hands and bringing them to his lips as he pressed gentle kisses on your knuckles. He places your hands on his cheeks and leans into your touch, let out a shaky sigh of relief. Enjoying your warmth, missing your touch.

You stood there as you took in his gentle gestures. No matter how much you tried to deny it, you fucking missed him. You missed everything so much, but can’t fall for this. You removed your hands from his touch and looked at him in anger. He fucking left you.

You shoved his chest with all your force, watching him stumble backwards. He looked at you in shock. There was a moment of silence before you walked up to him and started pounding him on his chest, hitting him as you released everything you’ve been suppressing for the past five years.

“How could you do this to me?!” You screamed at him. “Who the fuck are you? Why would you come into my life if you were just going to disappear?” He stood there, taking it from you knowing that he deserves this and more.

You slapped him so hard across the face, making him almost lose his balance. “Okay,” he said groaning out in pain as he adjusted his jaw, feeling that burning sensation. “I deserved that.”

You shoved him once more. “I gave you everything.” You told him, panting heavily. “I fucking loved you. You were my everything. We were going to get married and have this life together.” You cried to him. You placed your hands on your head, feeling as if you were going crazy, “I just want to know why.” You shook your head, “Why, San?”

“Baby,” he tells you and you just close your eyes not wanting to hear the pet name he had for you. “I-“ he tried finding the words. “I was involved in something that I never, ever wanted you to find out. I know, sounds hypocritical considering you found the documents and pictures and for that I’m sorry. I genuinely forgot to take the case because- because-“ he sighs as he shakes his head, cutting himself off to change the topic.

You stayed quiet as you looked at him. He sniffed, “I have done terrible, terrible things.” You watched as he looks down and then back up to you, “But I had no choice.” He tells you as he got closer to you, grabbing your hands as he brings them to his lips once more “Part of what I did was something I needed to do in order to get out.” He places a kiss on your hands, looking at you. “In order to be with you.”

You wanted to stay silent. You didn’t want to know but your curiosity betrayed you, “What-“ you let out a shaky breath, “What did you have to do?” You said quietly.

He leans his forehead on your hands, not being able to look at you when he confesses. “In order to get out—to show my loyalty to them and to prove I was done with that life— I had to kill very important people.”

You took your hands from his grasp and looked to the side as you covered your mouth, not being able to look at him. “Oh my god.” You whimpered out.

“Baby, please, it was the only way for me to get out of this life that I didn’t even want to be to begin with.” He says, searching for your eyes. “But that was the only way for me to survive. Once I was in, there was no easy way out.”

He cups your face and wipes your tears, “But when I saw you,” he lets out chuckle with tears streaming down, “I’ll never forget when I first laid my eyes on you. I knew from the bottom of my heart I wanted to be with you,” he looked into your eyes, “I did what I did to be with you. I would do it a thousand times over for you. Because I love you.”

You closed your eyes, whimpering as he kept going on. “I left because I wanted to live a free life from all that shit. I left because I wanted to live in peace with you. Listen,” he cups your face, making you look directly at him, “the men I killed deserved all I did. They have hurt innocent people. Woman, children, Y/N, they don’t care who it was. Scumbags like that deserved to be punished.”

He fell to knees, placing gentle tender kisses on your thighs. “I was so, so afraid of losing you that I hid everything from you. I fucked up for not telling you but I was just trying to protect you.” He cries out as he leans his forehead on your thighs.

He wraps his arms around your legs, “I’m so sorry Y/N. I’m so sorry for leaving you. I’m so sorry for all the misery I have caused you. I promise you, I was done. But-” he fumbled with his words, “But someone informed me that they were looking for me to get revenge. To get back at me for all I did to those people.”

He looks up at you, “And I just—… I could never live with myself if they killed you.So I decided to just leave and disappear before they found you with me.” He caresses the back of your thighs as he leaned his forehead once more on your thighs. “I thought it would be better this way. I paid off the men at my job to lie to you if you showed up. I threw my phone away. I had all of my records cleared off the database. I just couldn’t risk anyone having single link of you from me. ”

Your sobs filled the room as you take in all his words. This man who went from your lover to a stranger to now you being conflicted. You watched as he stood up, cupping your face once more. “For the past five years, I never once let you out my sight.” He confesses.

It then hits you. “Was that you today?” You asked him and he nodded.

“It fucking broke me watching you from the distance but please, Y/N, understand it was for your protection.” He tells you.

You held onto his wrists, “San,” you licked your lips as you closed your eyes. “I just- I don’t know what to think or what to do.” You sniffed as you opened your eyes and looked at him. “Why now? Why now after all these years did you decide to come back?“

“I’m free,” he whispered to you, “I took care of everything.” He tells you and you felt a shiver go down your spine as you gulped. “Listen to me, they deserved it.” You remove his hands, feeling sick as you remembered the photos and documents.

He sighs in defeat. “Y/N, the things they have done to others,” he shakes his head, “it’s indescribable. What I did to them isn’t even half of what they have done.” That makes you feel even more in shock. Those photos and detailing was already horrible enough, you can’t imagine what they did to others.

You looked at the floor thinking. Does it kind of make you feel better that San basically did justice in killing bad guys? You don’t know. Are you trying to make an excuse? You don’t know. But one thing is certain, you were afraid. You looked at him as you let out a shaky breath, “Would you ever… hurt me?” You hesitantly asked him.

You saw as his face broke at your question. His heart dropped at your words. “What?” He whispered out. “I would never, ever do such a thing to you. You’re the love of my life. The reason I woke up and did what I did for the past five years just so I can be with you again. Y/N you changed me for the better.” He grabs your hand and placed it on his chest. “This is for you.” He says as you feel his heart beat, insinuating that it beats for you and only you.

“The man you saw in the photos and read in the documents that’s not me anymore. I gave up that life for you. I wanted to change for you. I love you, Y/N, believe that.” He pulls you to him as he cups your face once more.

You planned to never see San ever again in your life. As a matter of fact you wanted to kill him if he ever came across your way. But now listening to him and him explaining, granted he needs more explains to do, you can’t help but fucking want him again in your life. You fucking missed him.

You let out a whimper. “San,” you say, “I hate you so much. I hate that I missed you. I hate that I still love you.” You squeezed his wrists. San lets out a sad chuckle at your word, “I hate myself too. I hate for leaving you and for hurting you.”

You softly hit his chest once as you cried, not having any strength left in your body. You looked up at him, “Are you going to leave me again?” You asked him with tears in your eyes, in a broken voice that was full of pain.

He leans his forehead on yours, “Never. I will never leave you again.” You felt his rough hands roaming up and down your arms, giving you goosebumps. You bit your lower lip—fuck. It’s as if nothing has changed for the past five years. You just give into him so easily.

You looked into his eyes, love and lust swirling around. “Please,” he said lowly, as he wiped your tears with his thumbs, “Let me take care of you tonight.” He places a kiss below your ear, “Let me show you how sorry I am.” He trails kisses down your neck, “How much I’ve missed you.” He hovers his lips over yours.

You let out a sigh of satisfaction from his touches. You slightly nodded as you looked into his eyes. He leans in and captures your lips, you melted into his touch. He wasted no time in picking you up causing you to wrap your legs around him.

You gently tugged his hair as the kiss started to heat up. He glided a hand up your back, tugging your head back by your hair as he trails kisses down your neck to your collarbone. You let out a moan when he starts sucking on that sweet spot. You look back down to him and kissed him again.

“Mmm, where is the room?” He broke the kiss, panting slightly as he catches his breath. “Down the hall.” You whispered, panting as well.

—

He burst into the bedroom, both of you still in the heated kiss, closing the door with his leg as he walked and threw you on the bed. “San!” You yelped out in shock. You sat up as you clutched the towel that still covered your body, giving him an angry look as he hovers over you, “Don’t do that shi-“

He cuts you off with a kiss, “I’m sorry, baby.” He whispers to you, gently pushing you to lay back down on the bed, “I’ll be careful, okay?” He whispers in your ear, kissing below it. Bullshit but okay. Nice to know that something’s don’t change.

He sat up as he takes off his shirt, throwing it somewhere behind him as he leans back down to kiss you. You unconsciously roam your hands all over his muscular arms, squeezing them as he grinds his clothes hard member against your bare throbbing, achy pussy.

His lips slowly moves down and stops at the top of your towel. He takes his forefinger and slowly drags it from your lips down to neck and between your breast. He never once took his eyes off you as he slowly unravels your towel. He looked at you as if you were a meal—starving and craving you for the past five years.

He leans down and latches onto your nipple while massaging the other one causing you to arch your back as you clench you pussy onto nothing. He exhaled a sigh of relief through his nose as his tongue flicks your harden nipple. He switches from one breast to the other.

He trails the kisses down your stomach making you inhale and exhale at his trailing wet kisses, making you excited for what’s to come. He gets off the bed, kneeling on the floor between your legs, hooking his arms underneath your legs as he drags you closer to him.

He places your thighs on his shoulders, kissing your inner thighs as he eyes your glistening pussy. His hands caress your thighs up and down. “San, please.” You begged to him, turning your head to the side in desperation as your chest heaves at his actions.

“Shh, baby, just relax.” His hot breath hovers over your throbbing area, making you clench once more. “Let me handle it, okay?” He asks you and watched as you nodded frantically causing him to smirk.

He then sucks on your clit, slightly hollowing his cheeks from the suction as he flicks his tongue on your sensitive bud. You let out a moan as he lays his tongue flat, moving his head up and down. You gripped on his head, using your free one to grip the sheets. The sounds of suction adds to your pleasure.

He reaches over your thighs, spreading your folds wasting no time to fuck you with his tongue. San swears this is the most beautiful state he has seen you in. Screaming as you arch your back, unable to deal with the pleasure as it takes over you.

He moves his tongue in and out your hole, feeling you clench around him. He moves his tongue all around your folds before going back in. He then freed one hand and uses his thumb to rub small circles on your clit. “Shit.” You breathed out turning your head side to side, gasping.

He freed his other hand and sticks in two fingers, curved upward, moving at a medium pace. “O-Oh!” You moaned out, throwing your head back as your mouth parts in delight, “Ri-Right there!” You gripped the pillow on either side of your head.

He continues the rubbing and fingering as he looks at you. His cheeks hurt but he doesn’t fucking care. “I missed you so much baby.” He said in a deep voice, “I’ve dreamt of this everyday for the past five years.”

He places a kiss on your inner thigh. “Can you cum for me?” He asked you before getting back down. He quickens the pace, sucking the lower half of your clit as he uses his thumb to rub the top part rapidly, adding pressure to it.

You screamed out his name as a mantra. “San! San, I’m going to cum!” You said as you looked down at him before throwing your head back. You clamped his head trapped between your thighs, feeling your orgasm building up. You fisted his hair as you breathed heavy.

“Shit! Shit!” You say as you screamed out as you reached your orgasm. All the built up emotions just released in that moment as you felt like you saw stars. You breathed out uncontrollably as he help you ride out your high with his fingers and mouth. Your shaky legs let go of the grip it had on his head as you tried collecting yourself.

He stands up and removes his pants and boxers in one go, watching you all fucked out on the bed. His member was leaking with precum, eager to feel you and to fill you up all deliciously. He hovers of you, getting between your legs, “You okay, baby?” He asks you.

“Yeah,” You breathed out as you lazily wrapped your arms over his neck, “That was amazing.” You lazily smile which caused him chuckle. You pull him to you, kissing him as you tasted yourself on his lips.

He pulls back, “Are you ready?” He asked you. You nodded at him, “Yes.” You whispered, wrapping your legs around his waist. He moves to his hand to align himself, both of you remaining eye contact. You closed your eyes as you feel his tip going in and then him full stretching you out. He drops his head down, feeling the tightness engulf him.

He takes a moment for you both, taking in the sensation. You can’t help but to clench down at him, enjoying this longed for feeling. He slowly starts to thrust back and forth, biting his lower lip. “Oh.” You moaned out in pleasure and a slight stinging pain from the stretching.

He kisses your lips. “You’re doing so good for me, baby.” He comforts you through the slight pain. “Are you gonna take what I give you?” He asked causing you to flutter your eyes open at him.

“Anything you give me, I’ll take it.” You nodded at him. As soon as you gave him the permission, he puts his hands behind your knees, moving them up to the sides of your head. He starts pounding in you causing him to groan out in delight as he closes his eyes, throwing his head back.

The position made you feel his rough thrusts deeper causing you to scream. The bed frame started hitting again the wall from how hard he was going. “You like that baby?” He asked you looking back down at you.

“Ye-Yes-s!” You managed to choke out. Your tits bounced from his actions as you tried finding something to grip onto, feeling overwhelmed. You then let out a gasp when you felt him dropping your legs, turning you to lay on your stomach.

He drags your hips up, quickly inserting himself back in as his hand forces to arch your back. He smacks your ass which makes you moan out, loving the stinging. “Touch yourself for me, baby.” He says. You adjusted yourself on your arm as you reached out and rubbed circles on your clit. The rubbing makes you clench on him, “Fuck,” he moans out, bed creaking underneath you both. “Fucking love when you do that.”

He then grabs a fist of your hair, pulling your head back. You whimpered at the pulling as he smacks your ass again. You whined as you bit your lower lip, loving how his balls smack against your clit. “You’re mine.” He leans down and whispers in your ear, hand sliding to your neck, squeezing it. “All mine.”

“All yours, San.” You say with the little air you have in your body. You then leaned forward when he lets go of you, gasping for air. But you have no time to compose yourself as he turns you around one last time, laying you on your back.

“Cum with me.” He tells you, rapidly thrusting into you. Your hands reached to his back, scratching it deeply as he rubs your clit. His balls hitting your ass as he tries chasing his high, letting out a low groan.

All the sounds from skin slapping to the bed frame legit about to break added to the electrifying atmosphere. He reaches up and holds your jaw in place, “I'm gonna cum.” You tell him. “Me too, baby. Cum with me.” He tells you as he leans down and kisses you.

A few more strokes and you both are moaning into each other’s mouths as you both came at the same time. He paints your walls white as his hips movements slowly starts to subside, riding out both of your highs. He collapses on top of you, both of you panting heavy. Hot, sweaty sticky bodies in each other’s embrace. Your hand reaches up and caresses his sweaty hair. “I love you.” He tells you as you feel the vibration in the crook of your neck.

“I love you too.” You tell him as you stare off to the ceiling, slowly closing your eyes as you felt the exhaustion take over, caressing movements subsiding in his hair.

—

You wake up with the sun shining in your eyes. You scrunched up your face as you turned away from the light, reaching out to feel San. You shot your eyes open when you didn’t feel him there. No, not again. You sit up straight, looking at the empty spot. “San?” You called out, looking out the door way— nothing answers you back.

You remove the covers off you hastily, ignoring the overall soreness in your body as you walked to your drawer grabbing underwear and oversize shirt. You quickly put them on as you walked out the room, “San- Oh.” You called out once more as you walked down the hallway but stopped abruptly in your steps.

All your overwhelming emotions flushed away when you saw San cooking in the kitchen. “Ah!” He screamed out in pain when a small drop of oil jumped onto his skin. You covered your mouth when you saw how he was standing— body arm length away, hips pushed out, completely away from the pan as his arms are extended out. One hand holds a fork and the other holding the handle of the pot.

Through the sizzling, San heard your chuckle, causing him to snap his head towards you. “The stupid oil burned me again!” He said with a pout.

You sighed out a chuckle as you shook your head. “Let me do it, you big baby.” You said smiling as you walked to him. You take the fork from his hand and flipped some bacon pieces. He crossed his arms, “I’m not a big baby.” He said in a whining tone.

You snorted. “Sure.” You say, eyeing the bacon as you smiled. “You have the temperature too hig-“ You froze in your words when you saw a ring on your ringer finger with a huge diamond on it. How did you miss this big ass rock?

You then felt arms wrap around your waist from behind, lips kissing on your neck. You let out a shocked scoff as you felt tears dwelling in. “I told you I was going to get you a ring with a big gem on it.” He smiles into the kisses on your neck.

You turned to him with tears falling down your cheeks. He smiles at your reaction, cupping your face as he uses his thumb to wipe your tears. “I love you.” You whispered to him.

“I love you so much more.” He tells you. “I promise I will make up for all my mistakes. You’re my life, Y/N. I will prove it to you.” He knows it’s going to take a long time before you fully trust him again, but this a first step for that.

After a moment of silence he grab your chin and places a few more kisses on your lips. “So,” he whispers which you hummed in response, “why don’t we start on those six kids, mm?”

You rolled your eyes, swiping his hand off your chin turning to focus on the bacon. “We are not having six kids, San!” You tell him, giving him a glare over your shoulder. You looked at the bacon and smirked, “Maybe we will have them when you stop being scared over cooking oil.” You teased him.

He let out an offended gasp. “Excuse me?!” He put a hand over his chest. He pursed his lips as he hip bumps you out the way and sassily takes the fork out of your hand. “Watch. I’m not scared of some stupid oil.” His voice trembling through the fake confidence.

He flinched slightly when he sees the oiling jumping all over the place causing you to burst out in laughter. You placed a kiss on his cheek, patting his back. “Sure baby.” You say crossing your arms as you leaned back on the counter.

He then shouts once more , dropping the fork on the counter when the oil jumped on his skin. “Forget it!” He said walking away with attitude which made you stifle a laugh.

He stops in his steps and turns around, a smirk growing on his face. He walks to you, “What are you doing?” You asked him as you stood up, standing with your guard up. He bends down and throws you over his shoulder as he heads to the bedroom. “We can start with one.” He said as you yelled at him to put you down as he smacked your ass. You don’t see it but you two are smiling at each other’s actions.

THE END

[kidstemplatte]

random papa headcanons

i genuinely don’t know where this came from haha. they range from zodiac signs to hobbies to mental health so sorry for the inconsistency lol. please enjoy <3

⋅───⊱༺ 𐕣 ༻⊰───⋅

primo

- primo is one of the most kind and caring people to exist in the world. he’s very intelligent as well- he has a mind suited for many jobs. sometimes he wonders what he would’ve done if he didn’t follow in his father’s footsteps.

- he’s a great writer in all regards- poetry, essays, speeches, all of it. he did exceptionally in school and was very humble.

-primo is great at conflict resolution. he’s direct and efficient but considerate of people’s feelings as well.

-generally pretty healthy mentally but has struggled with depression periodically throughout his life.

-i don’t think primo ever planned to be a father, he didn’t even think it was possible considering his responsibilities. but as he got older and reflected upon his life he regrets that he never had children.

- we all know about primo’s legendary garden, but his next project he’s dreaming of is an orphanage in the clergy. or just to overall encourage more inclusion of children :,) (when appropriate ofc haha)

- a hopeless romantic deep down.

-virgo/libra.

secondo

-secondo is a great artist. he likes painting landscapes and scenery. hes also really good at drawing buildings/ architecture. when he was younger he thought maybe he’d be an architect. some of his paintings are hanging around the clergy but nobody knows they’re his.

- good at math but doesn’t enjoy it persay.

- reads a lot of classic novels (and romance books lol) if he’s reading something trashy in public he’ll switch the cover so he isn’t judged and can maintain his reputation ☠️

-i think he’s struggled with depression throughout his life that’s beyond situational. even when he was at his peak, something chemically in his brain just wouldn’t let him fully soak it in.

-extroverted but very distant simultaneously. has a hard time getting vulnerable with people.

-smokes a lot of weed. i think all the papas do tbh

-huge music connoisseur (prestigious metalhead) (will say “name 5 songs” if he sees you wearing a band shirt)

-biiiiiiig leo/capricorn energy.

terzo

- terzo has adhd for sure lmao. he was never diagnosed though.

- he was the walking stereotype for ADHD as a kid: a rambunctious and high-energy boy who struggled in class.

-terzo is very intelligent, though. he just never cared about school too much. he was good at talking his way out of trouble.

-terzo is incredible sensitive to rejection. so much so that he would have a very very hard time confessing his romantic feelings towards someone. (feelings that move beyond sexual attraction)

- his hypersexuality, though he genuinely just loves sex, is often a subconscious quest for dopamine and validation.

- he has a very kind heart, goes out of his way to make people laugh if he sees they’re struggling.

- loooooooooooves to watch reality tv or anything full of drama.

-either a scorpio or a gemini.

-very active online. he’s a little obsessed with reading fan forums and posts. but he also just loves the internet in general

-i think he was the most interactive with fans, he would respond to fan mail most frequently. when he got horny mail from someone he would often respond with equally something equally risqué ☠️but of course when the subject matter was serious or heartfelt he would respond genuinely.

copia

- copia drew comics when he was younger and still does. over time they’ve evolved from mystical stories to simple doodles to get him through the day.

- sometimes he’s a little forgetful and mixes up his papers, so when he confidently hands his mother a comic strip she’s featured in, it’s a little awkward.

- copia loves animals, and he always has. he was afraid of dogs (specifically bigger ones) when he was younger, though. he also likes birds and can identify most species. (so can primo!)

- copia had a little bit of ocd throughout his childhood that’s lessened up over time.

-he also has generalized anxiety that’s lessened after he’s become papa which is shocking

- he has inattentive adhd. he’s an exceptional worker despite his negative symptoms because he pushes himself so hard to succeed. but sometimes he gets a little burnt out and forgets to rest, or spirals into an unmotivated state.

-we all know he’s a huge dork, so to elaborate upon that: he likes star wars, star trek, dc, and comics of all sorts.

-he has a funko pop collection in his office (including one of himself LOL)

-i think he’s a gemini and i’m so passionate about this. that or a pisces.

⋅───⊱༺ 𐕣 ༻⊰───⋅

thanks for reading yall :,)) i have more stuff coming up i promise i’m just not able to work as frequently due to school!! i hope you enjoyed.

<3, alice

[fmluder24]

Someone Worked Hard On This: Thoughts on Fandom Etiquette and Criticizing Problematic Fan Work

This is a very long post. There is a TLDR at the bottom.

I posted about a TikTok edit I had seen recently and mentioned another in the tags that was set to the Taylor Swift song “Timeless.” Someone replied that I shouldn’t talk that way about fan edits, because they take a lot of work and if I don’t like an edit I should just ignore it.

Here’s the thing. I cannot just forget about this edit because it was very well executed. And very hurtful. I have gone back and forth about whether or not to include the edit in this post, but I wouldn’t want to lead to some type of pile on on the creators TikTok page. Regardless, I think it is important to talk about how we balance current fandom etiquette with room for criticism and disagreement when fan creations perpetuate harmful ideas or tropes.

For some background about myself, I have been pretty heavily involved in fandom across a variety of fandoms and a variety of platforms for the last 15 years. Some fandoms are very self aware and open to critically evaluating the source material, other fandoms (Star Trek lmao) can be very obnoxiously up their own asses about their source material. Like everyone in the world, I come into fandom with all of my various identities and baggage, which inform how I engage with media and with the fandoms that come up around it. I write fic and I used to make a lot of edits, so I have some experience on the fan work creator end of things.

Back to The Edit, which is really just one example out of countless times someone in a fandom has created something that has intentionally or not harmed someone.

This edit took clips of Mulder and 1940s Scully interacting during the episode “Triangle” and set them to the following lyrics from the Taylor Swift song “Timeless.”

“even if we'd met

On a crowded street in 1944

And you were headed off to fight in the war

You still would've been mine

We would have been timeless.”

The edit then goes on to show clips from Season 9 showing the emails Mulder sends to Scully, set to lyrics about love letters. That part of the song is not the issue. It’s the lyrics about the 1940s that make me cringe.

I am not the first nor the last person to dislike those lines in the Taylor Swift song, as it shows a real trivialization of history. Taylor Swift isn’t unique in doing this. It is very common to see media created by white people, especially white people with pretty insulated and privileged lives, where the past is this beautiful transcendental playground, a beautiful oil painting to slide into for a few hours and not a place full of unimaginable suffering for anyone that wasn’t a super rich white man. In Swift’s song, World War II is the backdrop for her meet-cute, not one of the most bloody conflicts in human history, with a level of industrialized brutality worldwide that, if you really sit with it, is breathtaking.

One of the atrocities that comes to most people’s minds when you bring up the year 1944 is the Holocaust. The Holocaust is the topic most relevant to the problems I have with the edit, so that is the particular atrocity and insensitivity I as a Jew will be focusing on in this post. Of course, of course, there are many other historical atrocities experienced by other communities that are also routinely trivialized in fandom spaces and elsewhere. (The one that springs to mind for me immediately is the entire existence of plantation weddings, and those Interview with the Vampire cosplayers who got in major shit for creating content while on a tour at a plantation. To me, I find trivializing and romanticizing slavery and the suffering of Black enslaved people disgusting and I don’t support people who would do a wedding or cosplay at a place that should be a space for education and mourning.)

But forgive me for the purposes of this example if I focus on the Holocaust in the context of this edit. As stated, this problem isn’t unique to Taylor Swift so hopefully no Swifties come at me. The trivialization of World War II is also on peak display in the very X Files episode we are focusing on today— Season 6, Episode 3, “Triangle.”

In “Triangle,” Mulder goes looking for a ship lost in the Bermuda Triangle and winds up trapped in the 1940s on a cruise liner where Nazis are trying to find a scientist that is going to be essential for the development of the atomic bomb. This episode was an intentional homage to, of all things, the Alfred Hitchcock movie “Rope.” The movie is done in three shots and the episode is meant to look like it was shot in three shots, strategically edited to hide the edits. It’s a fun aesthetic goal, but it is just an aesthetic goal. It’s clear to me that the plot exists as a vehicle for the chance to edit an episode in that way. For me, the aesthetic choices a creator makes should forward the story they are setting out to tell, not the other way around. But “Triangle” is style over substance all the way down.

I have been talking at this point about the trivialization of World War II in the episode; now I will turn to the trivialization of the Holocaust. What most fans I have interacted with seem to see when they watch the episode is a fun time travel episode. I see a character that faces antisemitism on the regular, whose ambiguous Judaism (accused Judaism, more like) is frequently used to heighten the stakes in episodes like the one immediately prior to this one— “Drive.” I see that character played by a patrilineally Jewish actor, whose family left what is now Ukraine in 1918. I see someone who, had the twists of history twisted in a slightly different direction, would not have been born because of the Nazi villains that are beating the crap out of him in this episode. It takes privilege to not see that upon viewing this episode. But, I cannot blame people for missing it, because the episode was fundamentally written from a place that completely deracinates World War II, Nazis, and Jewish victims of Nazis. This all becomes the playground for the writers to have Mulder and Scully finally kiss. For me, the escapist fantasy doesn’t work because I cannot decontextualize the history.

This edit married the privileged escapist fantasy of “Triangle” with the privileged escapist fantasy of “Timeless.” In that way, and in the technical skill involved, it was truly a solid edit. But, the use of Duchovny, in both the fantasy of the edit and the fantasy of the episode, draws attention to the real world victims of the violence both pieces of media trivialize in ways that the creators likely did not intend. The privileged escapist fantasy then takes on additional bent, where it is not just the 1940s as the setting for a love story, but the 1940s as the setting for a Jewish person to be put in peril by literal Nazis. In my less charitable moments, I believe that is an unconscious feature—a fetishization— and not a bug for Carter and the fans alike.

This edit perpetuated the trivialization of World War II and the Holocaust present in both the source song and the source episode. What are we to do when fans create work that intentionally or not chooses to perpetuate something harmful? I do not think refusing to ever criticize something just because it was made by another fan and not the official creator is healthy. I say this all as someone who writes fanfic and used to do a lot of Star Trek fan edits and memes on TikTok. I understand the “gift economy” model of modern fandom, but some gifts should be criticized.

Where do we draw the line between criticizing something for being harmful and being nit picky towards people creating art in their free time? I don’t think it’s always an easy line. I’m not going to pretend I know the best way forward in every case. Refusing to give any room to criticism of fan works allows for shit from the source material to seep uncritically into what could be a community where we really transform the source material for the better. The general rule of thumb of not dragging down other fans is great, but it can easily be used to silence marginalized fans disagreeing with the fans from more dominant cultural groups.

TLDR— I watched an edit on TikTok that combined the worst parts of “Triangle” with the worst parts of “Timeless” and I think sometimes it’s healthy to dislike something another fan made. Taking the gift economy model to an extreme silences diverging points of view.

[aihoshiino]

The other day, I had a random thought about VTubers and OnK.

In Japan, VTubers are often considered a variation or splinter of idol culture. Hololive fans recognize that as a custom more honored in the breach than the observance, but the cultural connection is still there. (Look at the drama preceding Uruha Rushia's termination for a well-known example.)

VTubers also have a pretty obvious element of false persona, both in the typical "this performer is performing a marketable version of themself if not outright pretending to be someone else" sense and the "this performer is not literally an AI with a pink bow" sense.

The point I'm meandering towards is that VTubers have significant overlap with the substance and themes of Oshi no Ko, particularly since both B-Komachis are at least moderately familiar with streaming. (The new more than the old, but I'm sure we've all read 45510.) So it seems like a lot of the OnK cast would develop strong opinions about VTubers once they learned about them.

Do you have any thoughts about that? Whether Ai would envy their ability to cleanly separate their persona from their actual flaws, or Ruby would get snobbish about them being fake idols, or something?

So like the ask about streamers in general, this comes with the caveat that I don't really know shit about VTubers in general apart from things I pick up from being adjacent to VTuber enjoyer friends and also that I have HimeHina songs on my Spotify playlist lol. But I think in terms of least to most Opinionated:

Akane and Kana are probably equally Offline about it in that they know VTubers Exist but that's about it. Kana has like 2 seconds where she considers giving it a try now she has that fat ass gaming PC but the idea just slides right out of her brain because she doesn't really care that much. 

Aqua is also in the "sure, that exists" category but he's probably done editing and clipping work here and there just for some extra cash (since he says he was doing extra work online) and if clips or shorts come up on his feed he might watch one or two in a row but the rest of the time he literally forgets VTubers exist until reminded of them. 

Ai thinks VTubers are pretty cool but in a slightly befuddled 'gosh what will they think of next!' sort of way LMAO. I think it takes her a while to really understand what's going on with them because she gets a bit confused by the avatars and all the wild-ass lore, but when she eventually gets her head around it, she thinks it's a pretty effective way to split your public and private selves.

Mem and the StrawberryPro crew have a healthy respect for them as fellow creators! The agency probably manages a bunch since Miyako mentions them mostly pivoting to net talents and Mem's always on that grind and actually has had IRL collabs with VTubers on the official OnK youtube channel. LMAO

Ruby's last because I think she feels the most strongly and the most positively about them! For all the issues there are with the corpo structure, VTubing at its core (at least in the circles most adjacent to idol culture) is a space that afford opportunities to people who have what it takes but whose barrier to entry is that they don't fit into strictly defined 'mold' of idolhood - but most specific to Ruby, there are lots of 'idols' so to speak in the VTuber space who have disabilities that stand in the way of their taking more traditional roots to idolhood - IronMouse is one of the most famous, but there are plenty of others. I think this would be an incredible thing to see for Ruby who herself was cut off and robbed of her own dreams as Sarina and had absolutely no outlet for her passions or ambitions. I think she'd wholeheartedly support everyone and want to see them succeed! OnK AU where she wants to audition for Hololive or some shit WHEN

[book-girl4evaaa]

Heathers thoughts none of you asked for :)

Ok y'all so I've been on a plane so obviously I downloaded heathers and I thought "you know what? Lemme write down my thoughts, because I'm pretty crazy about this musical." So I did. These are the aforementioned thoughts. Enjoy if you choose to :)

Content warning: spoilers lol

Trigger warnings: murder, sex, suicide, sexual assault/violence, depression, anxiety are all mentioned. Also there is a lot of cursing because a lot of the songs cuss lol (if you've already seen it then there's nothing else apart from what's already in there)

It's about 3000 words long, and probably quite funny to read even if you don't know what's going on

Um yeah that's it, let's go!

My thoughts on Heathers

ACT ONEEEEE

- "September 1st 1989, dearrrrr diary"

- (ok imma nerd out on the first line because September 1st 1989 could be a reference to September 1st 1939, but that's it I promise)

- welcome to my school, this ain't no high school this is the *thunderdome*

- "if I'm not dead by Juneeee" yeah about that-

- "then I can blow this town," um Veronica that's jds job

- "fight the urge to strike a match and set this dump ablaze" girl if you knew what would happen next....

- RAMS EXPRESSION HELP

- Life really isn't looking beautiful Veronica

- "smartest guy on the football team :0"

- "did you really just talk to me?" "My buddy Kurt just asked you a question" *nod/grunt/chest pop thing*

- (they are soooooo not straight)

- "dear diary: whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?"

- BRO I THOUGHT THEY SAID "COLD BEEER" NOT "HOPE HERE" 😭

- Heathers' entrance giving vogue tbh

- "no discernable personality but her mom did pay for implants,"

- "id like them to be nicer," Martha ur so real for that

- so everyone is just going to ignore that line about kidnapping them? Ok...

- why does miss Fleming act so dismissive of one of her students having an eating disorder? Like ummmm safe guarding?

- chandler not even knowing Veronica existed till she saved her ass lmao

- FIRST SHUT UP HEATHER OF THE SHOW AYYY

- "if I took a meat cleaver down the *centre* of your *skull* I'd have matching halves.... That's very important :]"

- "ask me how it feels, looking like hellll on wheelsss... My GOD it's beautiful"

- THE RIFFS OH MY DAYS

- ok first song done :]

- "more like the heathers are my co-workers and our job is being popular and shit,"

- "but it's still the same me underneath!" "You sure? 🤨"

- "how very" !!!!!!!!!!!!!

- "heather. Bend over."

- "...are we gonna have a problem?"

- "LISTEN UP BIATCH"

- honestly playing dolls sounds more fun than smoking with some quarterback to me but like wtv

- "say goodbye to shamu"

- LET'S GO TEAR UO SOMEONES LAWN

- step into my candy storeeeëëëEEEEE

- honey what you waiting for... "SHUT UP HEATHER!"

- "don't just quote bodelare at me and walk away?"

- "I didn't catch your name..." "I didn't throw it 😎🔥" jd thought he ate

- "my buddy Kurt just asked you a question" "*huh*"

- "I'm not sure what your problem is, but I bet it's pretty hard for you to pronounce." Ok jd ACTUALLY ate this time

- holy shit (holy shit) holy SHIT (HOLY shit) HOLY SHIT **Holy Shit** HOLY shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

- "why, when you see Boys fight, does it look so horrible, yet feel so riìïíîīïìight,"

- "DAAAAAAMN"

- girlypop is infatuated

- her posing with him while he's frozen is pretty iconic tbh

- "if your still alive," she knows the chances

- (also death reference (?!?!?!?))

- the ball popping scene 😭

- "come on admit it you like the new kid," says you heather? We alllll know that you like someone who's name starts with v

- duke looks so scared :'(

- "they will get me safely through highschool," ehhhhhh

- "I'm not gonna change, I promise," ehhhhh

- it's my candy store it's my candy

- it's my candy store it's my candy

- it's my candy store it's my candy storeeeeeEEEEEE

- (also the choreography is eating)

- "VERONICAAAAAAAAAAA 🦅 DON'T FORGET GET TO BUY CORN NUTSSSS"

- "plain or bq?" "BBBBBBBBBQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ 🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅"

- "greetings and salutations" fhhfsjsfdj

- "did you say cherry or lemon?" "I said big gulp,"

- "IF IT'S IN THE WAY, I'LL MAKE YOUR DAY"

- "example: I don't really like my friends." "That's ok, I don't like your friends either ☺️"

- ayyy liquorice is good for voices, I see you set team

- Veronica just watching him sing (she's still infatuated)

- "I pray at my alter of slush" that sounds like an unhealthy relationship with a drink bro

- "shfhjsgskdfsgsdg" - JD sucking up his slushie

- "freeze your brainnnnn"

- riffing so early in the song are we? Slay

- "does ur mommy know you drink all that crap?" "Not anymore. When mom was alive -"

- (Veronica's face kills me every time)

- "the sky's gonna hurt when it falls so you better start building some walls"

- JD casually traumadumping on some random girl at the seven eleven

- "I don't see what the big deal- SON OF A BITCH"

- chandler being jealous because of JD is peak

- freeze your brain is underrated though

- "sure thing.... DUDE"

- the middle fingers at their son's 😭

- DAD SAYS ACT YOUR AGE YOU HEARD THE MAN IT'S TIME TO RAGE

- everyone in this musical is so fine

- I'm learning this choreography as soon as I get time

- adding to the character profile that McNamara's mom is a slight alcoholic

- "a hot guy smiled at me without a trace of mockery!" Ronica is really doing well though, this is like goals, like bro I'm still waiting on this for me

- why's miss Fleming a teenager all of a sudden?

- she's got moves those

- "how did I get this popular?" Because the demon queen of highschool has a hugeeee crush on you

- "dreams are coming true when people laugh but not at you," Veronica is so me (I'm still waiting for this but oh well)

- ✊✊🙌✊✊🙌✊✊🙌✊✊🙌

- "I'm not alone I'm not afraid I FEEL LIKE BONO AT LIVE AIDDDDD"

- "I'm actually having big fun!"

- that poor pinata 😔

- dang dang diggity dangy dang

- even I know that sparkling ciders a "no thanks" at a party, Martha

- "there's no alcohol in this, are you TRYING to POISON me?" Yeah about poison...

- "our folks got no clue bout half the shit there children do!" Me when Tumblr-

- "pin-yah-tah!" (That's how I say it too)

- ok the bullying Martha at the party is pretty realistic

- "what's your damage heather?"

- "nobody at westerberg is going to let you play their reindeer games!"

- Lick. It. Up.

- no way to treat the love of your life, chandler

- but I don't own a motorbike -

- *wait...*

- here's an option that I like

- spend these last few hours getting ✨ freaky ✨

- "Veronica, what are you doing in my roo-" "shhhshshshhhhssshshshhh"

- him going to kiss her and she's just like 🖐️ onto his face

- he honestly looks a little scared

- "so worlds unfair, keep it locked out there" ummm you snapped off his window lock remember?

- "that works for me,"

- not her hitting notes after making out which I'd struggle to hit with a warmup ✋😭

- the confidence it takes to perform that song on stage-

- tbh if I had that nightmare I'd be terrified too

- "I gotta go kiss her arobasized ass"

- Veronica's so silly I love her

- I kinda want chandlers pjs

- "hope you brought kneepads, bitch"

- "that stuff would kill her!" "Thus ending her hangover,"

- not JD calling her chicken for not wanting to kill 💀

- ooooo bro didn't tell her

- heathers soooo jealous of JD

- "I'd actually prefer you did this [begged] on your knees," like um that's a bit... You know...

- "but your still dead to me" funny choice of words chandler

- THE FACT SHE DIED RIGHT AFTER

- "c-c-corn n-n-nuts XP"

- "my problems were a miriad..." "I was having my period. HAHAHAHAha.... OH MY GOD"

- (fun fact I drew that line)

- "I learned to...kiss boys with my tongue" "that's good"

- Veronicas face when heather starts singing

- "Ur making me sound like air supply 🙄"

- no but heather doing the little movements as she sings like it's a tiktok dance

- "my 🤘🤘 rockstar mystique they wouldn't dare look in ����😔🫲 my eyessss"

- "MYRIAD, NICE"

- "starving children eating sand"

- "no one thinks a pretty girl can touch youuuuu" "heather touching me 😏" WHAT THE HECK NOT THE TIME BOYS REALLY NOT THE TIME

- "IM BIGGER THAN JOHN LENNON"

- chandler doing the little boogie because people actually like her now she's dead

- duke getting her photo bomb moment

- "do you think heathers mom keeps her room the same, like she's alive?" "....well that rugs gonna need a good cleaning "

- DID JD'S DAD JUST THREATEN VERONICA WTH

- "my mom's cooking dinner....spaghetti.... With *lots* of oregano" iconic

- "Jd's dad will not be speaking at our wedding,"

- "nobody *cares* about your feelings" DUKE TAKE THAT BACK RIGHT NOW

- "from her homies 😔✊✌️" I love you heather McNamara

- ummmm McNamara, I love you but that isn't ok

- i m a r a t i n a t r a p c o r r e c t i o n i m t h e c h e e s e

- bro this song makes me very uncomfortable but it's really catchy

- why are they licking her hand 😭

- "cow manure " serves you right bastards

- "is that a joke?" "It is most definitely a joke " it was not a joke

- "I HAVE A NEW FAVOURITE COLOUR"

- "MOVE BITCH THIS IS MY SONG"

- the transformation is smooooooth

- chandler sticking her tongue out has me dying she's such a good character

- "PARTIES AT MY PLACE" WHOO HOO

- KURT AND RAM WHEN I GET YOU

- tf are they slutshaming her for something that didn't happen, bitches

-"allhailthequeeniweartheredthescrunchiesonmyheadyoucantrunyoucanthideiamacrimsontide"

- Also dukes voice is so pretty like girl sounds angelic

- WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM SHE'S LITERALLY SOBBING AND THEY MADE IT WORSE

- if I was in that sort of situation I would be sobbing so hard

- "our love is god"

- "your not alone" "your not alone" SOBBING.

- they're so cute yet so messed up

- why are the boys so gullible though like don't they remember literally earlier that day?

- unrelated but I would kill for a voice like any of these people (pun intended)

- then singing "our love is god" at different times because it means different things to each of them

- JD just acting all smart as he lies

- the gay look im dead

- "so do we just whip it out?" Bruh

- "I liked the tie..." "get the tie, get the tie," "my mom bought it for me 😏🫦"

- the matching underwear lmao

- "ur just unconscious, right ram?" WRONG

- "STOP BEING A DICK"

- "what the FUCK have you done?!" "I worship you ☺️🥺"

- Veronica home girl you sound terrified why are you still letting him hug you

ACT TWOOOOOOOO

- "Im going steady, mostly he's awesome, if a bit too rock and roll" BESTIE HES A LITERAL MURDERER

- "lately he's bumped off 3 of my classmates" EXACTLY

- "god have mercy on my soulllll" feel kinda bad for her here tbh like she's struggling hard

- "they were just 17" foreshadowing one of my favs

- "but now we'll never know...."

- "ok ur mad I get it," 👁️👄👁️ dude... you KILLED THEM?!? YOU CAN'T TAKE THAT BACK?!?!?!? LIKE YOUR HOT AND ALL BUT WHAT?!?!??!?!?!

- "ich lugë bullets? You lied to me," ich lugë literally means I lied

- "can they make you cry now?" "No, but you can..." Imma cry for the both of you

- "my teenage angst bullshit has a bodycount."

- "THEY WERE NOT DIRTY! *BAM BAM* THEY WERE NOT WRONG! *BAM BAM*"

- "I love my dead gay son 💅💃✨"

- "they just had ✨flare!✨"

- "IM TALKING YOU AND ME" *gAsP* "in the summer of 83" *gAsP* "........ THAT....... was one hell of a fishing trip,"

- THE GAY TIES <33333333333 I WANT ONE

- ok but let's be real Kurt and Ram were definitely at least bi you all saw the grunts

- "who's next?" Tf do you MEAN who's NEXT?!?!

- "I could underline some meaningful passages in moby dick iykwim..." "NoOoOoOOO!"

- "and then kaboom" oooh so he's got trauma

- 17 = the song that gets me sobbing

- "we're damaged, *really* damaged, but that DOES NOT make us wise"

- "we're not *special*, we're not *different*, we don't CHOOSE who LIVES or DIES" this song hits hard every time

- "lets be NORMAL! see bad movies, sneak a beer and watch TV..." She just wants to be a normal teenager let her have that please and thank you

- "that really blows," ummmmmmmm poor word choice

- "play some poker" the game that you lie in JD? Huh?

- ayyy we're getting some more chemistry now

- not the time for a makeout sesh

- "if I am what you choose," 😭😭😭😭😭

- "your the one I choose," but in the end neither can choose eachother so now imma cry myself to sleep

- "just stop talking " jdronica fans everywhere:

- AYYYYYYYY shine a light love it

- "did you have a brain tumour for breakfast? 🙄" "No I had oatmeal ☺️"

- "well fuck me gently with a chainsaw " THE QUOTE THE QUOTE THE QUOTE (no mother Teresa but but oh well)

- "I'm in love with this fat girl!"

- "Veronicas going to lady prison heheheh," shut up you prick

- Veronica no need to be a bitch about it, I know you want to protect her but bro

- "but I-" "bUt iiu-" heather chandler is dead funny

- ugh screw off miss Fleming you're making it worse

- CROUD INTERACTION GOES BRRRRRRR

- "whether to kill yourself or not is one of the hardest decisions a teenager can make," no joke bro, is that not common knowledge?

- shine a light is the exact stuff my school would pull if kids started committing suicide

- "STEVE! I'm ending our affair" Steve took it like a champ though

- I'm using the phrase "fan-fricken-tastic" whenever I can from now on

- the mood drop when heather said she wanted to kill herself was like 📉

- "and I'm like 'jesus I'm on the fricking bus again because all my rides to school are dead!'" they don't deserve you heather McNamara

- lifeboat is so real tho

- like that metaphor is so real

- heather McNamara is like dream role stuff

- "with people I know " not friends, because she doesn't feel like she has any friends anymore

- "are you saying westerberg is not a nice place?" Well yeah it sucks

- Martha looks so sad in the background

- "I don't patronise bunny rabbits?!"

- "I killed them!" No ur bf did but close enough

- shine a light reprise is literally me after 9:30 pm 🤡

- I'm probably sure they use tic-tacs

- "if everyone jumped off a bridge would you?" "Probably." Real

- "if you were happy all the time you wouldn't be a human being. You'd be a gameshow host" saved

- HOW MANY TICTACS DID THAT GIRL FIT IN HER MOUTH

- awwwww the hug is so cuteeee they have the best friendship dynamic

- (also people need to stop painting Mac as dumb, she's just naïve)

- "STOP TALKING OVER ME!" you tell him girl

- "I could make another son anytime I want," GO AWAY THAT'S AWFUL YOU A HORRIBLE TERRIBLE PERSON UGH YOU MAKE ME SICK I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU

- saved my aggression for him <3

- ok look I know he's a murderer but no-one deserves a parent like that, JD's shaking and he's like 17 this is not ok

- blud just shot a TV to take out his anger

- "I love the rush when you would hold me close but you will not be satisfied till I overdose" gnsgxcfzfzzggmsfs

- I SAY NOOOOOO

- "blame the life you neve had, but hurting people that's your choice my friend..." PREACH

- "but I love you!" Ur-ur pointing a gun at her. Dude.

- WAIT SHE ACTUALLY SAYS DUDE I FORGOT THAT

- "just in time I say nooo," um not quite

- "who's ready for the big game :D" such a vibe change

- why's the cheer chant so aggressive 😭

- "send you straight to hell!" They're highschoolers geez

- "nobody cares about Martha Dumptruck," I-i care?

- ok kindergarten is pretty good but the fact it doesn't rhyme makes me a little weird

- like it feels like a poem

- "some girls are meant to be alone," nooooooo

- she looks so happy like she's going to be free I'm going to cry :'(

- "we've been avoiding you because you're a terrible person" heck yeah

- "hmmmmm the plot thicknesssss"

- Chandler has the best lines

- yo girl is like anxiety but with ghosts

- "Veronicas running on running on fumes now Veronicas totally fried " same tune as Veronica open the door hehe

- knock knock 😃

- "BUT 🙌 BUT 🙌 BUT 🙌" he's so silly and murderous

- "BAM BAM BAM" JD should start a sound effects company

- even the way he says the chorus is eery

- no way he put "no thanks" on a suicide note 💀

- bro really wants to blow up an entire student body for one girl who doesn't even want him to

- (she said make this whole town disappear so he started at the school but she didn't mean it literally)

- "Veronica open the, open the door please" *intense tiktok flashbacks*

- ok but the swaying of her being hung was so realistic like whatttt

- I feel really bad for Veronicas mom here

- "noone here deserves to die except for ME and the monster I createddddd yeahhhh YEAHHHHH" devoured that high note

- HEADS UP JD IMMA DEAD GIRL WALKING 🗣️

- (the reprise is so much better fight me about it)

- (like sex 👎 homicide 👍)

- (could biased as an acespec but who gives a doughnut)

- "ONE LAST DANCE ABD THEN FAREWELL, CHEEK TO CHEEK IN HELL WITH A DEAD GIRLLLLLL WALKINGGGGGGG" awesome line

- ohhh the cheer chant makes sense now

- "I WISH YOUR DAD WERE GOOD I WISH GROWNUPS UNDERSTOOD" #mood

- "I wish I had more tnt" bruh

- she really brought a croquet mallet to a gun fight and won

- NO NO-ONE CAN HERE HER THEY'RE ALL GONNA DIEEEEEE

- "I still believe there's good in everyone," she's willing to die for them I'm crying

- "I am damaged" IM DEAD IM SOBBING I CAN'T ANYMORE

- IT'S REPEATING 17 BUT THIS TIME THEY CAN NEVER GET THE HAPPY ENDING

- "please stand back now. A little further,"

- "our love is god," "say hi to god" I'm a wreck now btw <3

- "you look like hell," "I just got back" SLAYYYYYY

- the parking of the mobility scooter got me ok. I have to be honest

- "my date for the pep rally kinda blew uuuuuuuuu - me off" that really blows Veronica

- "my friendddd" :') they're healing

- "if no-one loves me now, someday somebody will," awwwwww ok this is fixing me

- the overlap of beautiful and 17 works so well because there's so much hopeeeee

- BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFULLLLLLL

- even the bows are good

Ok that's it now if you made it to here I'm impressed because that's about 3000 words :)

Byeee

[henke-penke]

I wanna talk a bit about the behind-the-scenes of the reunion scene so imma do it :>

First up, the songs !

I flip a lot between listening to music that specifically fits the vibes I'm writing and just... blasting Basshunter, but the reunion scene is one of the most important scenes in Lovers and Fools so Basshunter wouldn't cut it. I needed to get the vibes just right, especially after chapter 13 lmao.

1000 Nights by FRENSHIP was the first song I listened to when doing basic planning for the reunion way back in March/April, and it actually spans chapters 13-17 in terms of how I visualized the build-up. OK by Robin Schulz kinda falls into the same vein wherein I listened to it while visualizing the story progression.

Let You Go by Jim Yosef and Fix You by Danny Olson relate more so to the emotional aspects of the scene itself; this steady buildup to an (IMO) ethereal drop. To me, both of these songs convey a very specific intensity that's kinda difficult to put into words but perfectly matches the feelings I was going for with the reunion (happiness, overwhelming disbelief, affection, basically the opposite of chapter 13 alrbhflahb) (I also find that listening to edm helps me get into the writing flow, so melodic house is perfect).

Lastly, we have Wreck of Our Hearts by Sleeping Wolf. This one helped with the specific feeling of closure with the reunion; forgetting the bad to lavish in the good, if just for a moment. It also just fits their whole plot of them falling in love, specifically the chorus;

So sing while we're falling apart, I'll take you dancing. We lived through the wreck of our hearts, And now we're just picking up the pieces. Learning how to see when, Love is in the dark.

Now, when writing I don't typically have a set-in-stone plan. I'll know what will happen and the key elements that need to exists, but my planster ass gets the best ideas when I'm working on the scene in question. One such part in the reunion was Noah's leap-hug (???) at the end, which was directly inspired by this moment in Tangled;

I also had this moment in the back of my mind through the entirety of writing the reunion, but it didn't jump out until I got the idea of the leap-hug. And for the fun of it, here's what the draft note looked like (which I saved in my drafts because I didn't wanna lose it alrhbflah);

Does Noah go for like a leap-hug thing ? Like, Rapunzel at the end of Tangled ? Like, he’s just got a big rush of serotonin and is like ‘fuck it imma be cuddly on main i don’t care i deserve it’ ?? He can’t find the words for the first time and goes on instinct ?? POLYCULE HUG TIME !

Lastly, the kiss. Imma be real gang, I struggled for the longest time figure out where, when, and how the kiss was gonna go. At first it was gonna be spread out, with the aleheather kiss happening on the train, the noaheather kiss on the volcano, and then the alenoah kiss some time after that. I then scrapped that while writing chapter 15 in favor of having them all kiss in the last chapter. And then I said fuck it, they're all gonna kiss on the volcano.

And as clocked by @/noah-bout-it, the kiss was inspired by the meme. But also by this Arcane fanart, though to a lesser extent;

(I can't find the artist of the drawing so if anyone knows who made it let me know so I can give proper credit)

And that marks the end of my rambling, thanks for reading !

[caramelmochacrow]

other people can do this idc but what og song(s) made you fall in love w each dj unit in d4? like, what song made you go "oh this unit IS good."

will go in unit order of L!H!G!! w explanations on why/how:

hapiara - trance tours it took me a WHILE to properly take a liking to hapiara (sorry). jsyk i didn't start w the anime so i didn't have that connection w them when i started playing. trance tours was one of the songs i just went "ehh fuck it sure i'll play it for fun" and then got blown away by the guitar and their vocals in there. i love guitar.

peaky - stormy link LISTEN. LISTEN. it isn't because of yuk.aeso but when i heard that beginning part w the synths it hooked me in so bad. i was so used to the ~130 bpm and 180-185 peaky songs i didn't listen to the other ones at the time. big bang and electric countdown were nice but to me they didn't click w me until stormy link. it was different to the usual peaky songs and it sort of dragged me in.

photon - akatsuki (fruits mix) and wonder wonder trip it's a tie tbh bc i actually didn't start properly listening to photon until after i watched anime?? lmao? akatsuki fruit mix showed me a taste of the non-dance photon songs. it gave me a floaty feeling and i loved it a lot?? wonder wonder trip on the other hand made me feel excited and like i was going on a trip (wowwwww) w friends lol. kinda tho sad at the same time bc i lost connection w my friends and p much had no one (wow that got serious anyway--)

m4 - boom boom shake it sound like a edm filipino christmas song remix. this song made me realize "wow these girls are siiiick" and made me love merm4id a lot more. lol. m4 is actually the unit that had a genre i was used to the most so,,, yea thats it tbh idk what to tell you. also the hard level chart scared me when i first started playing and it stuck w me.

rondo - prayer[s] and calendula WELL DUH IT'S THESE ONES. calendula and its lyrics spoke to me a lot at the time when i was Going Through It and prayer[s] was just sick as fuck ok? i felt like ascending and leaving the hell hole i was in at the time w both songs.

lyrilily - pining for the moon this song is actually the reason i kept playing d4dj. genuinely. i love this song so much, it's one of my top favorite lyrilily songs. it's so playful, chill, upbeat and happy. similar to rondo, it made me forget i was kinda not having a good time mentally. pining for the moon makes me relax a lot and im thankful for this song existing bc i wouldve have never fallen in love w d4dj..

call of artemis - do the dive ofc i count them duh. reminds me of old dance music so of course i love coa, raychell's vocals never disappoint me.

unichord - synchronicity call me basic or whatever but i genuinely loved synchronicity when i first heard it, even if it wasn't that popular when it first released. i sang the beginning part A LOT for weeks. lol.

abyssmare - raindrops and then now or never it took me a while to like them yeah GO AHEAD AND KILL ME IDC-- raindrops was the song that made me go "ok.... maybe theyre alright" and made me tolerate abyssmare's music and now or never is genuinely my most favorite abyssmare song. i love its vibe. that song cemented to me that abyssmare is one of my favorites. (aka all of them)

[pinkpastels113]

I literally forgot all numbers in existence soooo what are your favorite songs of the playlist and what number are they? Expected them to be higher? Lower?

from this ask meme

9. BIRDS OF A FEATHER- billie eilish

And I don't know what I'm crying for I don't think I could love you more It might not be long, but baby, I I'll love you 'til the day that I die

i think the standing for this song is pretty good! i'm pleasantly surprised actually haha that i listened to it for so many times this year for it to place this high... so ig you can say that i had expected it to be lower? not in a bad way tho. im happy with it :))

18. senorita- shawn mendes, camila cabello

Locked in the hotel There's just some things that never change You say we're just friends But friends don't know the way you taste, la-la-la 'Cause you know it's been a long time coming Don't you let me fall, oh Ooh, when your lips undress me Hooked on your tongue Ooh, love, your kiss is deadly Don't stop

this whole section can be the premise/plot of a fanfic i fear (as well as the general vibe of this entire song) so i expected it to be higher on the wrapped playlist hmph

20. diet pepsi- addison rae

Break all the rules 'til we get caught Fog up the windows in the parking lot

Higher. that's all.

21. starboy- the weeknd, daft punk

House so empty, need a centerpiece Twenty racks, a table cut from ebony

21's my favorite number (birthday date teehee) and im pretty content with this being the song in its spot!!

26. too sweet- hozier

You know you're bright as the morning, as soft as the rain Pretty as a vine, as sweet as a grape If you can sit in a barrel, maybe I'll wait Until that day

perfection. the entire song is perfection. very angsty but also romantic. self-sabotaging love at its finest- i dont deserve you but also pls marry me vibes

(this was my ex-situationship's favorite song for like the longest time and so i had listened to it on repeat when i was pining for her lmfao)

27. all of the girls you've loved before- taylor swift

A heart is drawn around your name In someone's handwriting, not mine We're sneakin' out into town Holdin' hands, just killin' time

HIGHER HIGHER WHY IS THIS SONG NOT NUMBER ONE SMHHH

i would legitimately go to spotify sometimes JUST TO search for this song and put it on like-?? it's giving emotional crying session WHEN IS IT MY TURN kinda love 😔🤚

35. "slut!" tv from the vault- taylor swift

Got lovestruck, went straight to my head Got lovesick, all over my bed Love to think you'll never forget We'll pay the price, I guess But if I'm all dressed up They might as well be looking at us If they call me a slut You know it might be worth it for once

i ascend into the heavens every time this plays but it's so low because unfortunately sometimes i forget it exists sigh since it's pretty new but also was quickly overshadowed by the speak now tv era and ttpd

46. LUNCH- billie eilish

She's takin' pictures in the mirror Oh my God, her skin's so clear Tell her, "Bring that over here" You need a seat? I'll volunteer Now she's smilin' ear to ear She's the headlights, I'm the deer

also higher bc this song is smexyy. i feel like a lot of the songs that are higher in my spotify wrapped list are only there bc they just show up automatically in the "recommended" for you songs after the ones you've manually picked out or your playlist runs out in the queue lmao and im just too lazy to skip it adgshjk, forcing songs like this one to be lower in standing than it should be sigh. but anyways

[differenteagletragedy]

one of my olba mcs is so taylor swift-coded it’s unreal and it was a total accident despite me a fan, but it’s been in my brain for a while. and it’s even better that that mc was for baxter. and then i got to thinking… like how would he be with a mc who’s Basically taylor swift (assuming miss swift doesn’t exist in the ol universe)? like teen singer icon turned global superstar who plays the guitar and piano, writes and sings almost solely about love and her love life, and even wrote a few songs about them.

personally, i think baxter would Not Have A Good Time (tm), since he left in step 3 and did his best to forget about mc. and now mc’s breakup songs (one which was Definitely written about him) are plastered on the radio and their love songs are being played at weddings and their face is all over the news and social media, he can’t escape them LMAO!

and you know mc would show up to jude and scott’s wedding and sing some of their songs (acoustically) cause if you have a global superstar at your wedding, it’d be a little foolish not to have them sing (also cause they probably wrote a cute lil song for jude and scott and wanted to perform it). and i can just imagine mc making The Most Intense eye contact ever with baxter as they’re singing a small set of their popular songs (love songs and break up songs included) LMAO

but what do you think? it’s been rattling around in my brain for a long time and i like Have to talk to someone about it LMAO!!!

Honestly, I don't think I'm the right person to ask for this, I really don't ever imagine any of my MCs anything like this ... PYSCH. I have actually thought about this a lot because it's very fun, so hop in, OP, we're going for a ride!

-- So the way I picture it is that MC has always been good with music, always written songs and played some instruments and sang. After they graduate high school, they decide they don't want to go to college, they want to pursue a career in music and they're making some steps to get there when Baxter shows up.

-- They let MC play at the country club sometimes because the family has been members there so long, but also MC is just really good too. Cove always comes along to see MC perform, and so do Miranda, Terry and Derek when they can. This is how Baxter first sees MC sing and he is MOVED.

-- Since MC is Taylor coded, they can pop out songs like nobody's business, so by the time Baxter sees them perform they already have a cute little early romance song about him. Depending on how bold MC is, they could play it, or not! But it exists.

-- So sort of as the relationship gets more intense, MC starts getting more opportunities to go professional. I like to imagine that Baxter takes MC to LA to meet with a record label, because even though he's not a city boy he's well traveled, and he would just handle himself well in that kind of situation I think. Also, road trip!

-- And yeah, then Baxter leaves, and he's like "out of sight, out of mind," but not so fast mister man. It may take a couple of years for MC to get the amount of mainstream success that makes them a household name, but they get there and yeah, he is having a Very Bad Time indeed.

-- This is not an original thought, but "Cruel Summer" is about Baxter so.

-- He does his best to avoid it. He won't listen to the radio, he won't look at magazine covers. But eventually MC just gets to be unavoidable, and that's no fun.

-- Like to the point where he's just overhearing people gossip about MC at work, can he not get a moment's peace?

-- No.

-- He does his best, but hearing some songs and some facts about MC's life is just going to happen. Maybe he's watching a movie and one of their songs is on the soundtrack, something like that. It's hard because he still thinks they have the loveliest voice, and it would be so easy to just do a deep dive on all their songs and throw a big pity party, but he tries not to.

-- At one particularly low point he'll give in though. He'll just lay on his couch listening to the latest album with a bottle of whine, so deep in his feelings.

-- He will never ever ever talk about it though. No one knows he knows MC or about his secret pain.

-- They just think he's a hater, which is fine by him.

-- Baxter is a professional though, so if someone wants one of their songs to be their first dance song at their wedding, then that is perfectly fine. He can cry in the parking lot after.

-- After MC's presence gets to be so much, he might sneak a peek at a magazine, just out of curiosity, not because he still has any feelings, definitely not. If it's about someone breaking their heart, he'll be miffed about it but then realize he has no right because he also broke their heart and cue a downward spiral. But if it's about them being happy in a new relationship, he'll be sad that it's not him, so a downward spiral is happening either way.

-- If he really wants to hate himself, he'll google them. He's not brave enough to go for social media though.

-- When he meets back up with them for Jude and Scott's wedding, he'll try to ignore them, but when they force him to talk he'll act like he has no idea that they're a Big Deal.

-- And THEN if MC performs at the wedding, oof. He'll avoid it at all cost because while he's the planner, he also just cannot deal. They'd do a love song during the reception and what a coincidence, that's when Baxter has to do something outside for just a quick moment.

-- Ok, but then they get back together and MC is all in, and the fans are going rabid over Baxter. He's so pretty! He'd a wedding planner, how romantic! Is he just with MC for their money? Let's hope they don't find out that they actually dated for the first time five years ago, because then fans would be on the hunt for clues that old songs are about him. Baxter would be a little scared, but he can handle it!

[putonmyfavoriteshow]

Life With Luca thoughts/reactions

WOW, I really enjoyed that way more than I expected to!

OK, so timeline wise the math isn't really mathing for me lmao. Like how do they both have 14 yr olds and Simon being in college already?? The show only ended in 2009/2010 which was 13/14 years ago?? What year is it in this universe??? They both had children the year they went off to college lmao??

But I'm happy to ignore logic since I actually enjoyed the newbies a lot.

I liked that Luca/Skylar weren't just a repeat Casey/Derek dynamic and weren't rivals who full on hated each other but just grew up differently and had some jealousy/hostility toward the other because of that, but actually were a lot sweeter together during more serious moments. I think their personalities perfectly reflected how they were raised - Luca is a bit of a rebel, but he's very much Casey's son, he's trained in First Aid! and has a granola bar in his pocket at all times, albeit stale AF, and takes care of his siblings even if he can be lazy about it sometimes. Skylar is more mature minded but she has the freedom of Derek's parenting so she's not nearly as high strung as Casey is, but she is more organized and put together to make up for Derek's lackadaisical way of living.

I LOVED SIMON!!! He was easily my favorite new character. I can't believe I went from forgetting he even existing to absolutely adoring him. He was so lovable and silly and he must have such a wild childhood being the Venturi-McDonald baby, I would love more backstory on him!

Molly/Kai were adorable and the perfect little chaotic kiddos to round out the ensemble :3

George/Nora - although I wasn't as invested in them, their relationship is so adorable and they're just as dorky and sweet as they were in the series.

The random jewelry heist B-plot was so random, but kinda funny. I'm down for some chaotic hijinx, and I love how it ended with that theif falling through the ceiling XD

The return of Lassiter and Sam were great. It would've been great to see any of the show regulars honestly but I'm glad we got some. I think the return of D-Rock really got me. When they started singing the song I had tears in my eyes. And Ralph as a surgeon was such a great way to explain his absense lmao.

I missed Edwin/Lizzie/Marti. I think that was my only real let down with the movie. They didn't need to be in the whole thing but even a video call would have been nice :/

Career-wise I'm glad they went with Derek as a rock star and Casey as a lawyer. Even though Derek was the hockey guy, seeing him roam around as a rock star with his daughter really just fits his vibe. And I'm so glad the movie course corrected VWD Casey because I was never a fan of her dropping out of college to dance in NY like ?? sure Casey loves to dance but she loves to use her big brain even more!!! Plus fighting for justice?? THAT'S SO CASEY DASEY!!! So it was taboo then, I feel like it's even more taboo now, but had you lived it you would get it! These two always had way too much tension and never quite fell into a sibling-like relationship. They were insanely obsessed with each other making everyone around them uncomfortable, so they were destined to be messed up soulmates <3 It may be an ick for some and that's valid, but for me they'll always be "the exception the the rule" ;) Also Ashley and Mike were always pushing the limit on them, they knew what they were doing! Ok, so now that that's out of the way, I knew that we weren't going to get canon Dasey out of this, but I'm so glad the writers delivered on giving us some great Dasey content regardless. The fact that both Skylar's mom and Casey's hockey husband were both entirely absent and no love interest was given was wise. We basically got to see Derek and Casey play house and be the married vibes that they are which is honestly what us hardcore LWD/Dasey fans want anyway. Mike & Ash didn't miss a beat! That was really Casey and Derek back on my screen and it made me really emotional <3 Maybe the movie didn't have a whole lot of just them, since their children were the focal point but the way it ended, it just made me want more and feel like we were being set up for ...possible canon Dasey? But even if not canon, I think that if the show does get picked up, we can get so much fun Dasey content from it to build from anyway (canon is overrated sometimes lbr) Plus I genuinely enjoy seeing Derek and Casey in parental roles so that would be awesome. And SIMON MORE SIMON PLEASE!!!! <3

[officialpenisenvy]

anyways, when did you start listening to led zeppelin? I remember you saying in the past that you only listened to female artists and that would make you forget that there actually are male artists. do you still listen to reggaeton? what are your favorite lz songs or albums? will you listen to kpop? (*whispers* there are irl bishonen in kpop)

i started listening to led zeppelin all of [checks notes] one week ago on the dot lmao. though ari did take me to see the movie concert earlier that week which was what prompted me to listen to them in the first place, so i guess it's been all of twelve days since i first sat down and started listening to led zeppelin with intent. so far my favourite album is houses of the holy and LZ1 + LZ4 follow suit, but i also have yet to listen to the last three albums so who knows what my final ranking will be.

i do remember saying that, i think it was in the context of making a playlist for my friend! i have to say i still agree with that statement, i still feel that way in that i listen to so many female artists i sometimes genuinely forget male artists exist (aside from my current bout of zepmania lol. estrogen could've saved robert plant). i still listen to reggaeton but mostly at the club and not so much on my own time, one of the events i often go to has been doing a lot of neo perreo nights so i definitely still get my dose of reggaeton and latin trash. and sorry i won't listen to kpop as a rule of thumb especially not boy groups 😔😔 i have tried but genuinely none of what ive heard has sounded remotely listenable to me except for like a stray blackpink song or two in my sister's shuffle playlist.

[buff-electra-truther]

Stex Appreciation Month: Electra

Fav actor: Koffi Missah is the best overall.  I think the MJ/Prince train angle is the most effective characterization for Electra and he looks, acts, and sounds perfect for that approach.  It’s fun and recognizable in the cheap seats in a language you don’t know.  But it also has a lot of potential for depth, there’s a double entendre to be made about the government/big companies conspiring against electric trains for being too successful and certain tropes about electrical powers. 

Mykal Rand is basically impossible to beat aesthetically for me.  I cannot look away from the absurdity of how smooth and girly his face is combined with how cartoonishly ripped he is.  Even footage of him on tiny tour stages in beat up ill-fitting costumes is captivating. He’s just so extreme and maximalist yet alien looking.  

I’m surprisingly unpicky on Electra actors as long as they aren’t boring.  That’s the only real crime.  But I tend to prefer ones who have/could pull off Greaseball because I prefer a bolder, louder Electra (and basically require it post 2018 so I don’t forget he even exists with that borderline camoflouge costume)

Fav songs/scenes: Dinah’s Disco because I love watching him get shoved, a nice more intense version of AC/DC, anything involving No Comeback or its leitmotif.  Once again, What Time Is It? is a terrible song but purely redeemed because Mykal is hilarious in it.

Fav costumes: Broadway/Bochum toothpaste is a classic, but I’m also weirdly fond of Late London because I love the cartoony look (especially on Chris Copeland since he went all in on the makeup style to match)

Ships/Friendships: already went over how I view him and Greaseball the other day.

I like to look at pictures from the JPN/AUS tours out of context and think Electra looks cold and lonely and in need of a buddy and Caboose coaxes him into fun bad ideas

Headcanons: 

-I habitually call Electra “he” because it’s what canon does 90% of the time, but view the character as neutral (all of them really).  Electra and the Components are about the only ones smart enough to realize these forms are an illusion and there’s no reason to play by human paradigms, it would be equally stupid if they subscribed to blood type personalities too.  They are VERY smug about this but slowly the message is spreading.  

-I vary in what exact basis I’ll give him but see him as either irl, alternate timeline, or outright sci-fi Amtrak’s choice of successor to the GG1.  He isn’t weak or terribly delicate if the infrastructure works (unless you keep him as 40101 lol), he follows in their tracks of being a huge effortless machine that’ll run away with basically anything you stick on it.  If he actually played it clean, he’d probably dominate going uphill vs Greaseball and especially Rusty, he just doesn’t flaunt strength much in canon because it’s not relevant to the race.

-Electra is a  Fully Automated Bi Space Communist who wants to run catenaries across the Rocky Mountains and Siberia

-If you turn the dials and knobs Electra will morph like a game’s character slider just like how it’s simple to regear electric locos for passenger/freight use.  

Unpopular opinions:  lmao I think all my Electra preferences are moderately to very fandom unpopular.  I’m a contrarian who likes the character for fundamentally different reasons than most.  I’ve vaguely known of the character for years but didn’t really fall in love with him until recently when I saw those 2013 tour videos people either love or hate. Yeah they have the worst staging and costumes but I went “oh hell yeah finally a less problematic alternative to my blorbos Ganondorf and Velvet von Ragnar”.  I think those two names alone make it pretty clear why I like a bulkier, hotter natured, more affectionate and competent Electra than most.  I crave novelty and get bored by oversaturated things so I’m naturally drawn to androgynous characters that aren’t twinks or prettyboys so seeing Mykal vs the more typical tall skinny Electras really made me more interested in the character, even if I think there’s more interesting characterizations than his.  

[eating-the-inedible]

Yes! I do write songs! Im working on quite a lot actually, i have a lot of ideas, im just bad at finishing them.

Im writing a song about the Kauai ō ō and the passenger pigeon and im thinking of writing something more optimistic about extinction to sorta ballence it all out so its not all just sadness, but a little hope too.

And im writing one about a weird glowing point that shows up one day over the ocean off the coast and erases the existence of anyone who gets to close to it, so that its like they never existed.

And im writing one about heat, and one about feeling overwhelmed by being a part of history, and the sort of similarities we have with people in the past, and im writing like 5 little playful ones about pigeons!

And one about how it seems like good things and bad things always seem to happen at the same time in my life, and one about hisako koyama!

you forgot the ʻokinas in ʻōʻō (and kauaʻi) so it just looked like empty eyes with eyebrows lmao

very cool though. it's really nice that you're writing about those extinct species. and yeah, hope is hard to have sometimes, but i think that's why it's even more special to have hopeful works

im lowkey obsessed with the idea of the glowing point (i first read it as plant but both are cool)

the history thing is very relatable

and yayyy pigeons (btw were you the one who sent the ask with the poisonous rainbow pigeon a while back? i've been meaning to go back and check but keep forgetting)

good and bad also very relatable

and holy shit i just went down a little rabbit hole about hisako koyama and goddamn she's cool

[columbiastapshoes]

so if a modern version of frank-n-furter, janet, columbia, and magenta from the rocky horror picture show formed a riot grrrl/rock/sometimes other genres girl(ish) band would that be crazy or what?

AU TIME YIPPEEEEE!! made this one with irl friend @hatsunerandal a while back and i’ve been meaning to post about it i just keep forgetting LMAO so yeah!! band au!!

this band is called the transsexual pussycats because. yeah.

we have everyone on vocals, janet on drums and guitar, frank also on drums and guitar (they switch which one does which (that was a lot of rhyming)), columbia on bass, and magenta also on guitar and keyboards :D

“don’t be cringe about it” NEVER. COLUMBIA IS SCENE NOW RAAAAHH 🦅🦅🦅🦅

janet’s style is just. lana del ray vinyl. and magentas goth and franks punk yaaay!!!

irl friend and i have put together a total of. 4 albums i think? and i am almost done with the fifth one! our process is just. find already existing songs, plop them in a playlist, and then write paragraphs about who sings what and who wrote what and what they wrote the songs about etc etc! quite a fun process if i do say so myself :3

albums 1, 3, and 4 were done by me, album 2 was done by irl friend!! their names are “mcpussy meal” (we almost named the band mcpussy but after i said “old mcpussy had a farm eieio” we changed our minds), “lord of the lesbian jellyfish”, “one girl, 69420 women”, “honestly,” and the fifth one which im not quite done with is “rose blood”!! we’re slaying with the names as u can see! the songs mostly stick to a rock/riot grrrl sound, but they can also do some more pop/hyperpop or electronic songs, and i felt REALLY silly and added a folk song to rose blood :3

now. u might be asking. where is the rest of the cast? what part do they play in this au? well!! for one thing columbia and eddie broke up (she’s with magenta now i love lesbians) and she has written at least one song about him per album 🫶 but other than that he’s out of the picture, along with pretty much everyone else…

EXCEPT FOR BRADLEY MAJORS.

i told my friend about brad in this au and they just said “brad def has groupie energy that 1000% works” and i think about that a lot LMAO he’s not actually a groupie he’s just their biggest fan ever even though he doesn’t even listen to their style of music. he attends every concert, has all the merch, is basically just so embarrassing about it i love him dearly. he’s also in a qpr with janet and dating frank yahoo!! i fucking LOVE the brad/janet dynamic in this au because all of her concert outfits are so slutty and so pink and after the shows and after hugging her aggressively he’s like “you’re wearing so little are you cold :( wear my jacket i don’t want you getting sick” and in one of the songs she is quite literally screaming her lungs out and im just imagining him watching that at a rehearsal and being like “Yay!! :-D” he’s the silliest ever actually

it’s also a canon event that the band got interviewed by that one guy with the hat who goes WHO ARE YOU i hope u know who im talking about if u don’t im so sorry that was so vague

ok those are the basics!! if ppl see this and enjoy it feel free to ask me questions about it i love talking about my silly guys so very much and thank u so much for reading this far 😭😭

[moonspirit]

Hi Moon🌕

Hope you're doing fine :)

For the ask game: 5, 9, 11, 12, 13, 38, 69

Have a good *time zone* and don't forget to rest🫂

Hi anna T_________T I'm so sorry for getting around to this so late! I also couldn't find the ask game I reblogged #_#

5. what do you think others would consider your most distinguishable physical feature(s)?

I.... I'm not sure xD Probably my smile? I've been told I have a really bright smile. So maybe that. But wait, is that a feature or... just something I do? xD Okay this is confusing. I'm lost, welp.

9. who is your biggest inspiration?

Hmmm. There's many different people to be honest. Carl Sagan is one, Kagaya is another. When I come across people who seem to be at peace with themselves, I yearn to become like them one day. I think an life where there is time and energy to appreciate the world and existence in itself is a beautiful thing and something I hope to achieve, someday in future.

11. favorite myth?

Ooooooooohhh!! Less of a myth and more of a legend tbh xD But Tanabata! Something about those lovers in the heavens meeting once a year tugs at my sappy romantic heart T^T For this reason when I find time to stargaze, the first stars I always try to spot are Altair, Deneb and Vega.

12. when was the last time you were truly angry?

Hmm. Maybe... two weeks ago. Yeah. I was pretty angry then.

13. best compliment you've ever received?

._. Oh, well... recently I received an ask where an anon told me they weren't able to feel much, but that VBEOW helps them feel again, and that it comforts them and takes them to another world. To be honest that touched me so much; it is for the exact same reason that I write VBEOW at all, and to know that those feelings reached someone else struggling similarly, was really good to hear. I consider that a compliment haha, it brought me to tears xD

38. what is your love language?

I'd like to say, acts of giving, reassurance, and physical touch. I think I'm someone who likes to give--and given the opportunity and time, I give a lot, too--but I'm very big on the other two as well. They are important for me. :3

69. favorite song?

LMAO anna, the fact that this question is number 69 of all things cracked me up hahahahaha xD I had half a mind to inject a very very bedroom song here xD

But! I'll say, atm my favourite song is Fighter - Fay Wildhagen, for... reasons xD Been listening to it non-stop for a while now, for... reasons xD It's a very good song btw T^T Everything I like in a piece!

Thank you so much for asking, Anna, and I'm so sorry I got to this late, but I appreciate your interest, really I do T^T I wish you a productive day and good vibes today :3